#didnt even have a breakdown at anyone this time

[unknownwhisper]

Anyways, I'm finally finished shit posting for the night, the BPD episode is subsiding, and my brain is bringing me more peace than torture. No impulsive decisions were made, and I can finally send myself safely to bed. It's a victory all around. 👽🤙🏼

[makotonaegiunderstander]

something I’ve been thinking abt is how many people think Makoto is immune to despair. I don’t think he is. I think becoming the ultimate Hope was BECAUSE he felt despair. He wouldn’t have fully reached that point without Junko. Makoto becoming such a beacon was his last attempt to avoid completely falling and it wasn’t because he didn’t feel despair, it was because he was too damn stubborn to allow everything to go to waste and he refused to sacrifice his beliefs for someone else’s. His inner monologue tells me he DID experience the same new low the other suvivors did in the final trial, but at the point where he had the choice to give up and die, he looked at the others and he looked at Junko and he couldn’t allow it to happen, not out of self preservation, but because the idea that Junko would have control over their lives made him FURIOUS. and that utter refusal to die kicked in, wether luck or otherwise, and he made the concious effort for one last push while something in him was breaking. He had to be broken in order for the Ultimate Hope to come through so aggressively, bc it could only exist in the face of the Ultimate Despair. He snapped the same way she did, but in the other direction. In what could have been his final moments he chose to embody everything Junko wasn’t, and every single optimistic and luck fueled ideal in him suddenly charged forward and pushed him. It was a combination of the final straw and a choice. Makoto isn’t immune to feeling despair, he’s just too stubborn to fall into it of his own volition. I think that’s why I like that scene in DR3 so much. People were SO SHOCKED Makoto actually fell for the tape, that he actually became despair for a moment. I saw people getting mad or disappointed, saying it was pathetic and Makoto seemed to fall from some sort of pedestal for them. Honestly part of me wonders if that sort of mentality, which clearly people had in universe, affected Makoto a bit. Like he started to see himself as less of a person, subconsciously. Prompting him to take more risks, less self preservation, act way more bold. It seems he has to be reminded a lot not to put himself in danger by his friends, to not do something too reckless. All over the place I would see in regards to that scene either this frivolous ‘oh this was just angst drama with no meaning behind it’ or ‘he can do better than that. he’s so weak’ or ‘come on, there’s no way he’d fall into despair, he’s the Ultimate Hope!’ This kind of mentality, which was kind of ironic considering Ryota was there the entire time saying the same thing and treating Makoto the same way. Like Makoto was superhuman. Like Makoto didn’t feel despair the same way ‘normal people’ did. In a way that was also how Munakata saw Makoto. Makoto stopped being a PERSON to the world when he became Ultimate Hope, he became a concept, a belief system, much the same way Junko ascended beyond herself. But the difference is that treating Makoto that way is the opposite of the reason Makoto became such a representative for hope. He wasn’t doing something no one else could. He was doing something everyone had the chance to, he just… was a little more optimistic, a little more stubborn, a little more ‘gung-ho’ about things. He just took the lead where no one else did, where no one else knew they even COULD in the face of Junko’s unstoppable force. She had overcome the biggest threats and obstacles in the world, what could one person do? And the answer Makoto found was, anything. Everything. It doesn’t all rest on Makoto, he’s just the one that was inspired to try to do what seemed like the impossible. But as evidenced by the change in his friends after that trial, it’s clearly not something only Makoto is capable of. The others pulled out of despair thanks to Makoto, but it was their choice to do so.

“But… this world is so huge, and we’re so small. What can we do…? No, we can probably do anything. Yeah! We can do anything!”

[jvpiterstears]

today is an absolutely horrible day to be a taco fictive.

[chiimeramanticore]

[sillyunicorn]

'andrew minyard has no traits' is such a wild take I don't even know where to begin

[k0kichiimagines]

i wish i was rich so i could just pay trained hair dressers to deal with this actual nightmare of hair id rather die then touch it again

[toastsnaffler]

yet another evening of cooking showering then sitting at my desk and sniffling miserably for 2 hours bc I can't work up the motivation to click open any of the hundreds of videogames or movies or drawing wips or literally any kind of enjoyable activity on my laptop and then going to bed at 9:30 before i throw myself off the roof

[consciouschunkofmoss]

there is a strange realization that all my (irl) friendships were given for a kind of a tatic to just stay afloat in school, which if stripped down from the dynamic itself just akes it so. shallow ? sometimes you do manage to find the typical "friends by convenience" and i can be pretty happy about connections like this when our interests somewhat allign, but the moment that things start get out from more formal settings - when they ask you to hang out, or to visit you at home - my brain cant find happiness from that anymore

and i feel horrible for that

[w3irdo666]

LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS

PART 1/PART 2/ PART 3

Lucifer Morningstar x Fem!reader

Warnings: None?

Notes: So sorry that i didnt post for sooooo long.Enjoy!!!(⁠づ⁠￣⁠ ⁠³⁠￣⁠)⁠づ

"Sera, listen! I'm begging you! You can't just take it like this and let it continue!"

You followed the woman down the hallway. The meeting went badly, the angels couldn't hear Charlie.Your voice was slightly strained, you were on the verge of a breakdown. A little more and you would feel tears flowing down your cheeks. You learned the terrible truth that it turns out that demons are regularly exterminated. This is brutal. Even for demons. "That's enough, I don't want to hear anything more." The seraphim said, not even caring enough to look at you. "But Sera-"

"ENOUGH."

Sera suddenly stopped walking and turned to face you. Her wings opened behind her. Her face was full of annoyance. You were slightly taken aback. Tears flowed down your cheeks. “But why... This is not right... We, angels... are worse than demons...”

“You are forgetting your place. Don’t repeat this mistake, otherwise the same thing will happen to you as Lucifer.” Her voice echoed in the corridor. You looked down at the floor. Yes, you were an archangel, but your words did not carry as much weight as Sera’s words.You just had to agree with Sera's words "Yes, forgive me, it won't happen again..."

“I really hope so...Now, if you'll excuse me, I have things to do. I'm busy. I hope you understand that." Without waiting for your answer, the woman turned around and walked away down the corridor.Your shoulders trembled slightly. You sobbed. You quickly headed towards your room, not wanting anyone to see you.

Slamming the door behind you, you rushed to the bed and collapsed face down. You began to cry. Hot, salty tears soaked into your bed, leaving a wet spot. You felt bad. It hurt from understanding that even the angels don’t know how to get to heaven, it hurts that they don't want to give people a second chance. Well, not everyone deserves it, but many do.

Several hours passed. All this time you cried quietly, hiding your head in the bedspread.Having found a little strength within yourself, you rose slightly and sat up on the bed. Still sobbing, you wiped away your tears. No, you can’t do that. You can’t just suffer. You can’t pave the way with suffering alone, you’ll only go deeper into the darkness.

You spent the rest of the day in your room thinking about how to act more wisely... You wanted justice, but the limitations of actions were suffocating you. You could give up on expulsion and still stand in your position... But they still might not hear you. Looking at your reflection in a cup of tea, you thought what would happen if they didn’t understand you. You will be expelled just like Lucifer.. Lucifer, oh, how you miss him. You would give anything to see him again. Hear his laughter, see his warm eyes..You sighed and continued drinking tea.

What are you without these wings? Nobody. In hell, you are no one. Absolutely no one. You were afraid of this. No matter how close you were to the idea of ​​giving up on everything and continuing to stand your ground, you understood how stupid it would be. What if Lucifer forgot you? What if he doesn't want to see you? Then you will rot in this hell like a lost soul.But still, it is the only solution...

..............................................................................................................

"Do you think...Demons can be redeemed?" The guy said looking into the distance. The wind played with his hair and the sun made his hair shine. The girl looked at his face without taking her eyes off. She was hypnotized by his beauty.

“Probably...I'm not sure..” The girl said quietly, as if in a whisper.The man smiled. "I don’t know either. But you know..." He turned his head to look at the girl. "I hope... No, I believe. I believe that sinners can be redeemed. Everyone should have the right to a second chance..." The girl smiled too. "I agree with you."

.......................................................................................................

When Lucifer opened his eyes, he felt wet traces of tears on his face. He cried. He cried in his sleep seeing you there.

"y/n..."

He sighed and got out of bed. Somehow putting on his clothes, he went out onto the balcony. He had no strength. No, he didn’t want to sleep, but his body felt so heavy... He raised his head to the sky... Red the sky of hell in which heaven is slightly visible. Oh, how he wanted to know what was wrong with you... How is your life. He would give anything to see you again...

Notes: Weellll, i hope you liked it!!! Sorry that i posted it a lil' late.. Today, at February 26 was my birthday, so yeah, i spent almost whole day with my family, heh. (⁠•⁠ ⁠▽⁠ ⁠•⁠;⁠)

[reotacchii]

Hi saw that your request was open can you please do a platonic Blade from hsr when reader is his little sister/brother, and Blade just loves them to death. I can see an overprotective Blade with his younger sibling.

Dream Lantern

・─ pairings : Blade x GN!reader

・─ synopsis : Headcanons of Blade and little siblings + fluff !!

・─ a/n : I'm truly grateful each day with all of wholesome request, thank you so much dear requester and hope you'll enjoy this one 💗! I'm not sure with how Blade would act since I just got to Luofu a day ago, and since we barely got info of his canon age.. I'll give you two separate headcanons with different range of age gap.

" A day of your arrival on this world, a bliss of happiness draw across a boy face. As soon as the boy saw your face, that when he knew he'll caring for you "

6-8 years old gap :

★ Everything you need is an instant obligation for Blade. He would literally treat you like a literal royalty to put in a sense, that show how much he cares and love for you.

★ Tired of walking? He'll piggyback you. Feeling hungry? He got you snack on his pocket (I rather believe he always bring your fav snacks anywhere he goes so in any case you're hungry, he could just summon it out of his pocket).

★ You are his only siblings, he'll do anything to reserve the world just for you.

★ Not even a thought ever came across his mind that you are a bothersome, he always find your company the most comforting, a relief even.

★ Whenever he came back from his mission, you'll makes sure to greet him with a hug (he almost got into a breakdown because you are so precious to him).

★ Your body are so small compare to his, but it's a good thing because you can literally clinging onto his leg.

★ Kafka also loves to hanging out with you, she even give you a beginner gunmanship lesson because you are Blade little siblings (Blade relatives privilege)

★ But oh boy.. Do Blade even agree to it? Heck he's a literal worrysome; what if you gotten hurt? You are still a child, Kafka shouldnt taught you that. Battle just didnt suited you, he'll rather have his hand dirty than seeing you involved in one.

★ But most of his thought are how much he wanted to spend times with you. Seeing someone else taking away your time to hangout with others does saddened him a bit.

★ "Put yourself to rest, Kafka. I will be the one to taught y/n the swordmanship"

★ "What a sudden outburst.. Just say you wanted to play with your little siblings~"

★ The age gap may not huge, but he always view and treat you as a baby

★ His cold death stare replied to Kafka remarks, but eventually we all know you'll both goes to play around together.

2-3 years age gap

★ The first time you joined Stellaron Hunter, he kinda opposed to your decision, but soon he'll accept it once he found out every mission will be including you involved in.

★ Every mission going so fun with you, it went very well that both of you receive a nickname as "The Hunter Siblings"; It just shows how powerful both of your dynamic are.

★ Though, he knows well you can fight well, yet he can be overprotective at a times.

★ You can be a bit reckless at a times, so it's his responsibility to get in charge if anything worst happens.

★ Also, he can't stand anyone near around you, even he cannot trust how the Stellaron Hunter member would acts around you. It's kind of like a delusion sprout that growing in his head and all he can think about is the worst scenarios.

★ To put much surprises for both Kafka and Silver Wolf is that,

★ He tend to do this to find your usual reaction of either embarrassed or slight annoyance. And what's annoying to you, its that Blade doesnt know a good timing to pull his jokes.

★ Blade actually pull a lot of jokes so much around you (mostly sass which you'll get used to it).

★ It became a habit between both of you to pull a playful tease and jokes around.

★ Even Kafka and Silver Wolf admitted to find it amusing due to your reaction on getting teased..

★ But without you notice, Blade does this a lot knowing you can be so nervous before the battle. He want to lighten up your mood before doing the job.

★ "What? The baby need to put their diaper on? If not, you are going to piss yourself in a battle" he sarcastically remarked, you swear you could hear his low chuckles; and the worst is he's doing it infront Kafka and all you can do is to hold yourself together.

★ "NOT INFRONT OF- DUMB BROTHER, I WILL KILL YOU!"

[sinvilles]

do u have any ideas on why clay didnt discipline orel like arthur disciplined clay ? eg. slapping pushing etc. clay only (presumably except in a couple episodes) spanked orel throughout the entire series and never once hit orel on the cheek

The thing with Clay is that 90% of the fandom misinterprets his parenting style. And I'm saying this as a person who experienced a parenting style that was arguably worse than his, sans the drinking (lots of religious parents don't need to drink to be unhinged).

What we saw Arthur do to Clay:

Verbally guilt him and remind him of how little he means to him

Strike him across the face without warning (extremely bad for a child's self esteem)

The face really is the worst place anyone can hit a kid, especially when it leaves a mark. There's psychological consequences to it- as a result Clay came out of his childhood with this inherent sense of worthlessness mixed in with the idea that he was deserving of misery.

Clay on the other hand is very specific and methodical about administering a punishment when he thinks it's necessary. In order:

He very mechanically spanks his kid with his belt. And I remember it kind of surprising me that Clay wasn't even yelling at him while he did it in Grounded (repeat combination verbal abuse and physical pain is a real breeding grounds for generalized anxiety). This is not to say spanking on its own doesn't cause it's own psychological clusterfuck, but he did the version of it that managed to not leave as much emotional damage.

And- this is the kicker- he talks to him right after. He makes this conscious effort to connect with him and understand why Orel does what he does (because his reasons have got to be interesting) and then tries to reason with him about why it's wrong (even if his own logic is clownishly flawed). Sometimes he admits he's wrong, earlier on specifically before his drinking got to where it was. Orel is even disappointed the one time his dad DOESNT want to lecture him after a spanking.

And the pants thing. I think he does it on purpose because it always prompts a laugh out of his kid, so he doesn't leave on a sour note.

This is kind of not bad at all for a guy who had no positive form of fatherhood modeled to him in his most formative years.

So what does this do for Orel? We see this well-adjusted, articulate, confident child who isn't afraid to go out and make mistakes because he's secure in the fact that he'll come back to someone willing to reason with him and talk to him like a person.

Orel was raised with an inherent sense of self worth, which is the thing Clay has been lacking his entire life. And this was pretty consistent up until Nature, when Clay's substance abuse crossed a threshold that plunged them both into a nightmare- to Orel, the illusion of his father's confidence and security is shattered. Clay, who had no memory of the events that transpired, gradually comes to realize what happened after several months and suffers a psychological breakdown.

This is also why it bothers me when people treat Nature like it's the sum of both their characters when it really is just what it is: a breaking point in the lives of a father and son who were commited to fitting into an unsustainable culture of religious zeal and toxic masculinity.

[esosage]

God i need more movie robotnik angst! Like my man is prime angst material and theres just not enough for him!

Need him to be sobbing, and crying, and haveing a mental breakdown.

Especially when it involves stone, since it forces him to let his walls down, and bear his soul to the other man wether he likes it or not. Which could really offer some interesting developments in their relationship.

I can see movie eggman being very antsy after he has a mental break down infront of stone, since he's primarily waiting for the other to either take advantage of him or leave him. Since thats probobly what he's experienced in relationships up till now (with the whole trust issues thing.)

Infact, i'd say he gets so antsy that he becomes a self fulfilling profocy. Being so pent up, and not beliveing stone has anything but maliciouse intent twards him now, he lashes out at the other. Saying some real horrible shit in an attempt to push him away before stone can hurt him.

He ends up secretly regretting it after the fact. He tries to convince himself that its better this way, or that he doesn't care, or that he likes hurting the other, in attempt to cover up that guilt, but he knows deep down that its just not true. Even so, that doesnt stop him from returning back to old habbits to cope with being in a very unframiliar situation: aka him being a dick. Maybe not directly to stone this time, but by avoiding him. He isn't really angry at stone, more so angry at himself, but he doesnt have the emotional intelligence to recognize that. So he tries to put up walls. In his mind hes gotten far to attached to stone and needs to cut the other man out before he has a one up over him, or uses robotniks emotions against him. But robotnik just cant do it. He cant force himself to get rid of stone, he cant force himself to just fire the man, because stone is the only person who takes care of robotnik.

Now, robotnik doesnt think that stone genuinlly cares for him, he doesnt think anyone is capable of that, but stone does give him attention. Attention, that he despretly seeks and searches for. Infact, stone has probobly cared for robotnik, more than anyone else before. Which isnt a high bar, since robotnik isn't exactly a likeable person, but its still a very big thing for a robotnnik. Because in his whole life, stone is one of the very few people who has cared about him somewhat, and managed to stick around him for this long without gwtting tired of his bulshit. And as someone who has been longing and desperate for attention their entire life, who craves it, robotnik just cant give stone up. Regardless of if stone huets him or not, because he doesn't think he'll find anyone else who will care for him as much as stone does.

Of course, he never acknowledges this, because to him, saying that he needs the agent on such a deep level is admitting to being weak. Since he's supposed to be untouchable (and perfect.) And he much less has enough emotional intelligence to understand this, so he puts up walls instead, in the hopes that stone will do it for him. That stone, just like everyone else, will get sick of his bullshit and leave. (He doesnt really want this in reality. But because he's in such an unframilar situation, hes resorting back to old habbits and lashing out to feel more incontrol. Because theres nothing robotnik hates more, than not being in control, because in his mind, if hes not incontrol then he's going to get hurt.)

Thankfully for robotnik though, stone is crazy and refuses to leave. He might have before robotnik had the mental breakdown, since he didnt belive the doctor genuinlly cared about him before then, but after the mental breakdown, he knows that the doctor cares about him more than he's letting on. So he refuses to leave, because he knows somethings up with the doctor, and he's not going until its fixed. Careing more about robotniks wellbeing than his own, (regardless of how unhealthy it is.)

This confuses to robotnik till no end, and sets his mind down another spiral. Because normally, your mean to people and they leave, but stone isn't doing that...... why? Thats the part that catches robotnik up the most: the why. In robotniks mind, he's an asshole, he knows he is, he plays into it sometimes, and thusly he thinks nobody can care about him. That because he's a horrible person, and because, in his mind, he'll never be anything but one, its simply impossible for anyone to care, much less love him. So he doesnt think stone is capable of loveing him. Which begs the question of why stone is staying.

If stone doesn't love him, and has every reason to leave him right now outside of the pay, why stay? Does he want revenge? Does he have a card up his sleeve? Is he trying to take robotnik down? Is that why he's been more nosey lately?

All of those are questions floating in robotniks head. His trust issues takeing his anxiety twards the issue and going wild. Which naturally sends robotnik down a paranoid spyral.

All of this, culminates in another argument. Stone demanding to know whats wrong, and robotnik eventually slipping up in the moment, and admiting that he thinks stone hates him, and is trying to sabatouge him.

The agent vehemently goes against this motion, claiming he would never tries that, and that he doesn't hate robotnik. Of course, due to his trust issues, robotnik doesnt buy it. Combating this with the "facts" he has gathered thus far. Asking why stone would stay with him otherwise if it wasn't to gain something.

Another thing the agent opposes, stuttering over his words to avoid saying the obviouse, but just enough to hopefully convince robotnik when he says he cares. Though robotnik keeps pushing back, still not buyinh it.

And exaughsted, stone just screams out rhe truth in the hopes that it will get through the others thick skull. Admiting that he loves robotnik, and thats why he stays, because he cares about him dammit!

This leaves robotnik floored, he doesn't belive it at first, can't fathom the thought of someone actually being in love with someone like him outside of what he can give them (relationships arw transactional in his mind,) but hes putting up a lot less ressistancdñe than before. And while he doesnt want ot admit it, logically speaking, it would explain t a lot of things.

Eventually robotnik does something slightly emotionally intelligent for once in his damn life, and asks for a moment, (he doesnt say its to prosess his emotions, but its deffinetly implied,) and he asks stone to leave.

This obviously leaves the other anxiouse, wondering if he did something wrong in admiting his feelings, but he complies. Thr two on their own to process everything..

They end up haveing a conversation about it later once they've calmed down, (something stone had to initiate,) and it ends up being productive! The two of them planning a path forward for the both of them (with no romance by robotniks request) and they begin to work on things.. very slowly yes, and with a lot of cognitive disonence on robotniks part (he still cant admit that he cares, much less loces stone yet, even if he does,) but its progress and stone is satisfied with it.

Anyhow, sorry i went on a ramble, my thoughts decided to just go this way lol. Regardless, my point still stands, robotnik is a very deep and interesting character, and deserves to ve explored more. And also deserves a hell of a lot more angst.

Thank you for listening to my bullshit.

[oceanwithouthermoon]

Talking about Saiki and SA here a bit, btw, just a warning~

Thinking about how you said Saiki was a victim of SA and you’re literally so right. I feel like people sometimes just blow right past the fact that Kusuke is like that with his brother, but I think it can add a lot to interpretations of his character. But even if it only goes as far as what is shown in canon — which I almost doubt — it still remains the fact that Kusuke is doing all of that knowing fully well that his brother can hear him. It’s literally sexual harassment.

People point it out more often with Teruhashi and her brother (back to the reasons you said, people think it’s more serious if it happens to women). But the things he does, that’s all sexual harassment. And yet when Kusuke does similar things, it’s often brushed aside. Just,,, a bit crazy to me.

(And that’s not even mentioning when people completely disregard this part of Teruhashi’s story and act like she’s one-dimensional,,, but that’s another story)

But all this to say you’re literally so right. Anyways love you mwah =^•w•^=

THANK YOU SO MUCH. I NEEDD PEOPLE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THIS MORE.

(heed the sa warning + abuse and incest warning before opening, i talk a LOT here.. im mostly just reiterating what happens directly in the manga though.. ALSO EXTREMELY LONG POST WARNING..)

I always viewed kokomi and makoto + kusuo and kusuke as like.. paralleling each other ? not sure if thats the right word, but IMMEDIATELY when i saw both of these dynamics i made the connection.. i guess since it was so clear to me, i assumed that it was so obvious and on purpose that everyone else knew too, but so many people just.. ignore it..

i think most people that read/watch saiki k have recognized the fact that most main characters are meant to parallel or relate to saiki in at least some way, (if anyone who doesnt know what im talking about is reading this, im sure at least someone on here has done a better breakdown on that, i just.. dont know where to find that..) but this particular connection is one i dont see often and i genuinely believe that its almost entirely because of the whole "sexual assault/harassment isnt as serious when it happens to men as when it happens to women" thing.. most of the fandom acknowledge that what makoto does is awful and kokomi is a victim, so why is it different when its kusuke and kusuo ??

its EXACTLY the same.. what we see on screen with the saikis is WORSE, actually.. and what WE see from these two relationships isnt the full extent of what the two victims experience off screen, and i strongly believe that its heavily implied that both kokomi and kusuo have been through much worse with their brothers than whats shown..

we have no idea what kusuke couldve done BEFORE moving away and creating the telepathy canceler (and dont say that he couldnt have done anything cuz they were kids, cocsa [child on child sa] is still a thing and still valid, ESPECIALLY since they were both kid geniuses and kusuke definitely KNEW better.. but yea, kusuo implies that hes been like that for a long time, way before we ever saw them, sooo..) and its highly likely that whatever happened that we didnt see, before or after the move, was WORSE than what he does ON screen (i honestly dont want to think about what a guy with an incestual obsession with his brother does with cameras everywhere in his brothers home..) and what we see him do is already insane..

literally using his brother to get off, manipulating him and forcing him to play the games that give him sexual pleasure.. actually, speaking of, ive seen some people say that what kusuke does isnt really incest because the only reason he uses kusuo is because hes a masochist and kusuo is the only person that can overpower him.. this is a total misfire LOL, his upbringing alongside kusuo and his relationship with him is the REASON that hes a masochist, the ENTIRE REASON why thats what he gets off to.. its not just CONVENIENT that kusuo is there to get him off, he SPECIFICALLY seeks kusuo out and forces him to do things that give him sexual pleasure.. he believes that kusuo is the only person in the world that can ever give him sexual pleasure, what about that doesnt sound incestuous?

and one of the worst parts of it is, kusuo BARELY acknowledges how weird it is.. in fact, he's COMPLACENT in a lot of the games, obedient even, being bribed into them the same way he does with simple things like bringing kuniharu to work.. this is the biggest reason why i believe the off-screen stuff is probably worse, because kusuo is obviously conditioned to think that letting your brother get off to you is just.. fine.. we hardly see him try to get away from this situation beyond simply calling him gross.. theres one moment during the cat tank situation where kusuke tries to get him to grab the limiter off of his crotch specifically so that he can see him in that position and kusuo looks terrified and cant do it, BUT its unclear whether the expression of fear was entirely his concentration because he didnt wanna break the limiter or because he didnt want to let his brother get off to that, and i think its mostly the former ? idk, i dont remember this part that well but im preeeetty sure..

he does acknowledge that MAKOTOS behavior is bad when he sees it, but he never thinks its a big enough deal that he needs to help her or anything, (except for maybe the okinawa situation) which i know is probably just for the sake of not letting the gag manga get too serious, BUT it can also be explained pretty easily by this whole thing.. the way kokomi is treated is literally the same way kusuo lives his life, even down to their incestuous brother being possessive to the point of berating their potential love interests.. (which in this case happened to be each other, kusuo and kokomi..)

so yeah, kusuo just. doesnt really know how bad it actually is ? or maybe he does, but doesnt acknowledge it because he doesnt WANT to.. him barely acknowledging it and being complacent is part of why some people dont really get that its sa and incest, but his complacency obviously plays a big part in how its effected him too, like thats purposeful.. like i said, hes been CONDITIONED not to acknowledge it..

to me, it looks like a classic situation in which kusuo doesn't acknowledge his trauma because he knows that if he did, it would change his outlook on his life, his family, and his childhood FOREVER. he would never be willing to tell anyone or ask for help on his own accord, and accepting that there was anything wrong in the first place means, to him, dealing with that issue by himself for the rest of his life.

why would he ever admit that anything was wrong if nothing would change either way? the only thing that WOULD change is HIM, and why would he want that? isnt it better to be blissfully unaware than to knowingly suffer in silence?

plus, he genuinely does love his brother and knows in the back of his mind that kusukes feelings toward him comes from their unhealthy upbringing and relationship and its more complex than just "hes an evil guy blah blah.." because he isnt really evil and kusuo KNOWS that.. actually, he might be the only person in the world who COULD understand..

so yeahhhh.. kokomi and kusuo are both CANONICALLY victims of sexual harassment.. (and incestual abuse at that..) and, by my interpretation, implied victims of sa as well !! (im not really sure where the line can be when it comes to this sometimes, like when your brother sniffs your bedsheets and rubs himself on them or gets off to you right in front of your face or tries to get you to grab something positioned over his crotch so he can see you in.. THAT position.. but i already said that its pretty likely that both brothers have gone farther than that off-screen..)

anywayyyy.. this is so important to me and i wish people would talk and write about it more instead of pretending it never happened and mischaracterizing every one of these characters, especially for the sake of a ship like i was talking about in my other post.. it sucks that people so often just cast kusuos canon issues aside..

[ficsbyuzi]

i FoUnD yOu

Part -2

Read part 1 here

Characters : Aegon Targaryen, Aemond Targaryen and Alyna Martell (Dornish OFC) in modern Westeros (modern AU)

Warnings: +18, swearing, smoking, violence (kinda)

Word count: 2.7 k

A/N: Flashback is in italics. Motivation struck and wrote this today. Ignore the errors, pretty please?

SEVEN YEARS AGO.

KING’S LANDING UNIVERSITY.

Flanked by his friends Martyn and Leon, Aegon strutted toward the parking lot near the campus main gate, a cigarette dangling from his lips. As usual, they were skipping their classes.

“So, what are you gonna do about it?” asked the blonde-haired Martyn, kicking a stone off their path.

“Look, I don’t care about the business and stuff,” Aegon replied in a casual, carefree tone. “I’d rather roam the world, drink every type of wine they have out there, fuck a woman or two in every country.” He took a long drag from his cigarette, then dropped it on the ground.

“Life’s too short to stay stuck in one place,” he said, shrugging and releasing a plume of smoke into the air.

“Aegon, the dragoncock,” Leon said, bowing theatrically.

The three young men erupted in laughter as Aegon crushed the cigarette under his shoe.

“Yes! Yes! And I’d rather start a band and…”

“OI, TARGARYEN!”

Aegon was interrupted by the booming call of his family name echoing down the corridor.

He turned to see the source of the voice, which sounded more like a challenge for a fight than a call. A rash, cheeky grin played on his lips as Alyna Martell stormed towards him, her nostrils flaring and jaw taut.

He was unsure of the cause of her ire; he only relished the satisfaction of her evident anger. He couldn't help it. Seeing her bothered and frustrated brought him an odd joy. Thanks to the long-standing rivalry between the Martells of Dorne and the Targaryens of King's Landing, which evolved into a giant business feud over time, the resentment between the two families had seeped into their youngest members.

“Alyna! No!” A girl came running after her, trying to stop her from whatever wild thing she was about to do. The smudged mascara around the girl's eyes and her reddened nose, hinted at her recent breakdown. Before she could catch up to her, Alyna had already reached an arm length from Aegon, her stance resembling that of a viper, ready to strike at its prey.

Aegon retreated reflexively, the amusement on his face fading. Only putting that little distance between them didn't help much, when two punches, hard and brutal, landed on his nose.

His cronies of friends froze on their spots. The sudden, unexpected blows disordered the world around him, evoking a ringing sensation in his ears and muffling the sharp scream from the girl, who was trying to stop Alyna.

A shock wave of gasps rippled through the bustling corridor. Everyone froze in their places, their attention redirected to the scene.

Alyna made a bold declaration, pointing a finger at Aegon's face, now contorted in sharp pain, "You think you can toy with anyone and get away with it, you entitled bitch?”

“You fucking bi..aaarrrggghhh..” A painful groan from Aegon's throat interrupted his nasal retort. Martyn tried to peel his hand away from his face, to check the aftermath of his nose, while Leon seemed ready to throw hands with Alyna.

Alyna didnt even budge and stood her ground, chest heaving with rage. She was ready to repeat what she just did to his platinum-haired friend.

The girl now held her arm firmly pushing her away, “Alyna, please no,” she begged, whimpering.

“What's going on?” a sharp coldness laced a new voice that came from behind Alyna.

A mocking, sliding whistle sound came from someone in the crowd.

Alyna hissed, recognising that voice and falling off the high of her rage in an instant. Aemond's voice was a splash of ice cold water on her burning, red hot anger.

“She hit Aegon!” Martyn complained, holding Aegon’s head back to stem the nosebleed. Aemond rolled his eyes in exasperation, sighing deeply. It was yet another consequence of his brother’s reckless behavior.

Alyna turned to face him, but struggled to meet his piercing gaze. Tearing through the uncanny, tongue-tying effect Aemond had on her, she spoke in a cold, lethal voice through gritted teeth, “Tell your brother to stay away from my family.”

With a slight twitch in his eyebrow, Aemond understood what his brother did.

Alyna’s blazing, brown eyes now held Aemond's cold, violet gaze, as if waiting for him to respond, when instead Aegon let out a menacing giggle, flashing his blood-stained teeth, “There are two people involved, you know? Break her nose too,” he jerked his chin brazenly, towards Alyna’s cousin.

“You..” Alyna snarled, turning to face Aegon .

“Alyna? Alyna Martell? Principal Mormont has called you in his office,” a dorky, sophomore announced.

Aegon would have received another blow, already, if it were not for that sophomore appearing on the scene.

If it were not for Aemond, who was invisibly tying her hands with his mere presence.

Alyna’s eyes darted to the boy, and then back to Aemond, her jaw stiff, teeth still grinding in rage.

Aemond’s lips curled up in a subtle, condescending smile. He hummed, walking towards his brother to attend to him.

“This is not over Martell,” Aegon yelled from behind, and Aemond tsked, “Aegon, stop it!”

“No! it's not!” Alyna retorted in a chilly voice, without facing him and dragging her cousin along, as she walked away from the Targaryen brothers, barking- “what?” at the boy who was now gawking at her, eyes popping out in astonishment.

-

In the last hour of sunlight , Alyna was sitting on her study table in her dorm room. Immersing herself in her books was the only way she could take her mind off what had happened in the morning. Her eyes couldn't move past the title of the chapter she was reading - “Election of Archons in Old Valyria'' as she struggled to shake off the humiliation she faced in the principal's office that morning.

The sound of the door lock turning snatched whatever little attention she was paying on her book.

“Girl, why do you keep throwing yourself in the trouble pits?” Doreah, her room mate, asked, entering and tossing the keys in the bowl.

“Please don’t start it all over again!” Alyna sighed, noticing a pretty girl with silver dreadlocks, clad in a deep red tracksuit, standing next to Doreah.

“That's Baela, she is in KLU for a week to collect some samples for her botany project; we were in high school together,” Doreah informed, as Baela extended her hand toward Alyna with a grin.

“Heard you broke my cousin’s nose,” Baela grinned, and Alyna's eyes widened a little, shuffling between the two girls.

“He deserves it,” Baela shrugged, “You can hang them upside down from the top of the building for all I care, I'm not particularly fond of them,” she said, plopping down on a bean bag. Alyna's continued staring at her, mind calculating her next words.

“He knocked up my cousin, and then cheated on her,” Alyna told her, her tone taut.

“And you got suspended for a week for breaking his nose, yup,” Balea smacked her lips, checking her phone, “I know.”

An awkward silence settled over them, broken only by the sound of water being poured into a glass. Doreah’s pleasant voice cut through the quiet. “Frankly, I wouldn’t mind having some harmless fun with the Targaryen brothers.”

Alyna scowled, letting out a disgusted grunt.

“What? They’re hot,” Doreah protested, a hint of defensiveness creeping into her voice as she noticed Alyna’s reaction. She smiled sheepishly at Baela, who rolled her eyes and made a gagging gesture.

“Aegon will be game I'm sure, but Aemond isn’t the type who would just have fun,” Baela said, chuckling, eyes still glued on her phone.

There it was.

That unsought, uninvited feeling in her core, that traveled all the way up to her face, warming her beautiful, gold-toned face. A delicate twinge within her, a discord between the emotions she hoped would surface and those she actually felt - whenever Aemond was around her- whether in person, during conversations with people, or sometimes, even in her thoughts.

Sometimes, certain things, experiences, and people that one encounters in life, elicit both aversion and attraction.

Aemond was one such person, to Alyna.

Everything about him was a confounding experience for her.

She hated the way his humming grated on her nerves, yet stirred something within her.

She resented seeing him in her history classes every day. It irked her how he always knew more than her, how he was always so focussed and well versed in his research.

Yet, she couldn’t help admiring him, his profound knowledge, his exceptional discipline accompanied by an awe inspiring personality. A reluctant respect had begun to take root inside her for him. No wonder half the KLU was mad for him.

Alyna cleared her throat, sniffing and shifting in her seat to turn back to her books.

“Would you like some ice cream? We have chocolate,” she attempted to steer the conversation away from the Targaryen brothers.

“I think my lovely roommate has a crush on your broody cousin,” Doreah blurted, checking her nails.

Alyna whipped her head toward her best friend, her scowl deepening. "What?" she snapped, her voice betraying a hint of squeakiness, “No!"

Baela chuckled at Alyna’s reaction, as if she’d just been caught red-handed in a heist. With a smirk, she got up to retrieve the ice cream from the mini fridge in their dorm's common area. Meanwhile, Alyna continued to glare daggers at Doreah, and her best friend only wiggled her eyebrows playfully, unfazed.

“You both will be perfect for each other, you know?” Baela drawled, waving the spoon at the spic and span appearance of Alyna's side of the dorm, a sharp contrast to the disorder that her roommate’s side was in. The neatly arranged history and philosophy books on the bookshelf above her study table, the flawless arrangement of bonsai plants at the window - the source of natural light for her study table, the pristine white bedding - all screamed of her love for organization and order.

“He is just like you, a neat-freak with horrible temper issues.”

“Yeah, I have been tolerating the pain in the ass that he is for a year now,” Alyna scoffed, rolling her eyes, “And No! I don't have temper issues,” she added, frowning and turning back to her books, neglecting the little butterflies flapping their wings in her stomach.

“He wasn't always so broody and a pain in the ass, you know,” Baela said, as Alyna continued to pretend to focus on her books, donning a mask of indifference.

"Years ago, right after my mom passed away, us cousins got into a silly fight. Aemond, being Aemond, started calling my maternal cousins names. Things quickly escalated, and my cousin Luke ended up pushing him. Aemond fell onto a boulder, and his eye took the brunt of the fall. He was never the same after that," Baela revealed, her face shadowed with somber reflection.

Alyna's gaze had shifted from the page of her book to the ground outside the window, where a few rocks lay scattered. She couldn’t help but imagine how hurtful and devastating it must have been for Aemond to lose an eye at such a tender age.

"Okay, Aemond and Aegon are out of the league," Doreah’s chirpy voice broke the somber silence. "What about the third brother?" She added thoughtfully, as if she were weighing a life-altering decision.

"Eww, Dor, he's like fourteen," Baela scowled.

"He’ll grow," Doreah replied with a shrug, inspecting her manicure. Alyna couldn't tell if she was serious or just putting on a show. She exchanged a glance with Baela, both of them wide-eyed in amused disbelief.

Just then, Alyna’s cell phone rang, slicing through the snorts and giggles that filled the dorm room.

“Wait, shhh..stop..it's my dad from Sunspear…”

The ringing of the phone clanged through the quiet of the parking lot, jolting Alyna back to reality. She blinked, returning her focus to the driver's seat, where she had been lost in thought. Moments earlier, she had parked the cab in the owner's garage, ready to hand it back and close that chapter of her life.

The smile tugging at her lips, a remnant of her mind’s recent revisit to her past, transformed into a full grin, when she saw Doreah’s incoming video call, flashing on the screen.

“Think of the devil,” Alyna gave an ear to ear smile to her best friend.

“Good morning to you too, and here I thought I would meet a bridezilla on my phone's screen!”

“Hmmm, let me just,” Alyna pouted playfully, and snapped her fingers, feigning a magical change of appearance, “Did you pick up the bridesmaid dresses yet?”

Doreah laughed. “Yes, ma’am! I’m picking them up today. Then we’ll head to your salon appointments. Just calling to confirm,” she said in a mock-serious tone, adding a quick salute for effect. Alyna couldn’t help but giggle.

“Where are you?” Doreah asked, looking at her watch.

“Garage. Returning the car.”

“Good riddance,” Doreah drawled.

Alyna only responded in a wry smile; she understood her friend could not fathom how important that job was for her. She was leaving a part of her in that cab. Part that made her free.

And her mind, as if in a bid to shield her from dejection, brought forth the memories long forgotten again, prompting a soft chuckle.

“Guess who I ran into on my night shift!” Her smile now reached her eyes as they twinkled.

“Who?”

“Aegon and Aemond Targaryen,” Alyna grinned and Doreah gasped, eyes widening, ocean blue irises threatening to pop out of their sockets.

“Whaaa..! Omg! You know I recently saw them both on the cover of Westeros BizWorld last week. Gosh I practically drooled,” Doreah fanned herself, “Don't tell me, you have had a bachelorette party already, without your girls,” she teased, sniggering with a usual naughty dance of her eyebrows.

“What? Gosh, you are filthy!” Alyna laughed, facepalming with a shaking head at her friend's thirsting.

“Wow you are really getting married , Alyna! A week later you will be Mrs..”

“Yeah yeah, save that speech for the maid of honor toast,” Alyna interjected, “Now get your ass here by 11, or you are fired,” she feigned a serious tone.

“Oooohh bridezilla!”

“You bet your ass I am one! Meet me in 2 hours.”

Alyna disconnected the call, smiling at her phone's screen, and acknowledging the familiar, warm sensation suffusing through her after years.

But as she picked up her backpack from the back seat, the dazzle of the solitaire on her ring finger dimmed the nostalgic smile on her lips.

She consciously commanded the unwelcome stirrings within her to cease.

Her future awaited her and it had no room for the past.

-

“Take him with you,” Alicent requested of Aemond, placing the cup and saucer on the coffee table. She sat with her son in his luxurious living room, concern etched across her face.

“It’s a work trip, mother, I don’t see how it will help Aegon,” Aemond said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

As always, their mother seemed to expect her responsible son to clean up the mess her eldest child had made.

“It will be a change of scenery for him,” she sighed, “With the ongoing dispute after your father’s death and his breakup with Cassandra...” Aemond’s attention shifted from the floor to his mother as her voice wavered.

“Aemond, he’s stopped using our cars. Only Mother above knows where he goes at night or what he does. I’m so scared for him...” She placed a hand on her throat and began to chew her nails.

Seeing his mother on the brink of a panic attack, Aemond decided to give up.

“I’ll see what I can do, but he’ll have to behave,” his tone still carrying a tinge of reluctance. “I’ll be away on tours according to the schedule, so he’ll be on his own for most of the day.”

Alicent nodded. “I’ll convince him. He listens to me, at least in private. When do you leave?”

“A week from today.”

—-

[tea-blankets-andstars]

I literally love Eclipse (james x remus) sm

their relationship is so special, James love language is phyical touch while Remus is words so you can always see them next to eachother whispering sweet things

they are also both lovesick idiots, they will push eachother against walls of the castle like no one is watching

who wants some angst??(tw read with caution)

james is not ok okay? he dosent know why but hes not, maybe its the fact that everyone expects him to be someone that hes not or maybe its the pressure of being "golden boy james potter". maybe his mind just hates him. Whatever it is he hates feeling that way, the blade taunts him. The need to skip meals so he can stay fit. The breakdowns late at night so no one can hear him. He just feels auful all the time, but hes glad no one knows.

Remus knows. He can smell the blood, its coppery smell stronger on bad days. He can hear james cry late at night when he thinks hes alone. Most of all he can see whats going on even if the others cant, he can see how James distances himself for people and how he avoids meals, he can see the fatigue in his face when he smiles. It makes Remus feel awful, his bestfriend is in pain and he cant do anything. 

One night its all too much for James, he just cant do it anymore. He dosent want to live, and hes sorry. So he makes his way up the the astronomy tower, blood dripping down his fingers from the fresh cuts, he is hidden under the invisibility cloak so no one can find him. He planned everything- of course its not James without a plan- he left a stack of letters on top of his bed for the Marauders and two more in his chest for his mother & father. He leans over the railing of the tower to make sure that this fall will be fatle, it will.

Of course Remus followed him, the smell of blood was stronger then it ever was and James had left the map. He willed his legs to climb all the way up to the astronomy tower and what he saw was so horrible he could have cried right then. James was quietly sobbing standing on the railing of the tower, his entire hands were dripping with fresh blood. He looked like someone had stomped out his spark and now he was waiting for the final gust of wind to finish him off. Remus quietly climbed up on the railing next to James and intertwined their hands.

"James can you hear me?" he asked

that comment brought the shorter boy back down to earth and a look of panic crossed his face.

"If you jump in jumping too James"

"No, please no" he was pleading for Remus to leave him here and let him jump, Remus was not going to let that happed

"Jamie please, i know your life feels awful and you feel hopeless but you have so much to live for, you hear me? So. Much."

"No"

The way his voice trembled made Remus want to buy a gun and kill anyone who has ever hurt the smaller boy, but he refrained- for now at least.

Remus couldnt let him jump, so he did the only other thing he could think of, he reached out and pulled James against himself into a hug, hoping to transfer every happy memory into the other boy.

Upon the contact James went limp and a sob shook his whole body, he allowed Remus scoop him up and jump off from the ledge and onto the stone floor. He let the taller boy pull him to the floor and he sobbed in Remus' lap like a baby. Remus didnt try to leave or call him pathetic, he stayed where he was, carding fingers through James' curls and whispering reassuring words into his ear. 

Remus dosent know when they both fell asleep, but it couldnt have been for more then a couple hours as the early sighs of dawn were just emerging. James was still asleep so Remus carried him down the thousands of steps until he reached their room. He put James into his bed and pulled up the duvet then turned around to go back to his own bed.

"Rem?" The soft whisper of James voice asked theough the curtains, "stay." James bloody arm -which remined remus to clean the cuts later- reached through the split in the curtains, flailing his wrist to find remus.

"im here fy haul." (my sun in welsh)

Remus crawled under the covers and immediately James wrapped his arms around the boys waist and cuddled in close.

"Thank you." Was the last thing James said before they both fell asleep. 

[1ovemelikeasailor]

Savior pt.4

play. song. ty.

"Sailor Song" -Gigi Perez

Summary: jenna refuses to be who she truly is, while hurting Y/n in the process.

Jenna Ortega x Female reader

Check out the other parts for more info!

-

No one's POV:

"I was looking for you." Y/n admits, immediately cutting eye contact with Jenna. "I told my friends—even myself, I shouldn't be do this. But, every-time I go to sleep I see you. Or anytime I lose focus I see you. It's weird, but I can't help it."

It was weird. Y/n thought over and over why this might be happening to her. She barely knew Jenna, yet it felt like she did for a lifetime. It felt like she loved Jenna—she didn't. But it felt like it, which made it so weird.

"I know." Jenna mutters. She stands up, getting in front of Y/n. Y/n raises her eyebrows at her.

Jenna felt like she had finally have control, like she could just do what she wanted without any consequences.

So, with that feeling still flowing in her blood, she kissed Y/n.

She knew it was wrong—but it felt TOO right to her. It shouldn't feel like this—it shouldn't feel like heaven.

They both slowly drift their lips away from each other. Jenna still doesn't move, Y/n neither.

Y/n’s love was so gentle—surely Jenna thought back to a time her and her ex-boyfriend kissed for the first time. Immediately he went for her butt. He squeezed it, as Jenna slightly pushed him away.

That’s what a man’s suppose to do, right? Use your body? Be rough?…right?

The silence between them calms Jenna down from what she had just done. The necklace she had on her neck felt like it was now paper thin. She didnt feel the gold weighing down on her, like usual after she had sinned or did something bad.

This was a sin, yet there was no heavy feeling on her back. She was just herself—for possibly the first time ever.

"It's okay." Y/n whispers to her, she doesn't move just looks Jenna in her eyes.

"I know." She replies, but does she?

Does she know that it was okay to love someone she's not suppose to? Does she know it was okay for her to be herself? Does she know that it was okay to love a girl romantically? Does she know that it was okay to love Y/n?

-

Wednesday

The school day was almost over. Everybody ready to go home, go to practice, or just go out.

There Y/n sat in her last period english class. She had only about one friend in that class, but they weren’t that close. So, she remained to herself.

She put her books into her bag, throwing the bag around to her back.

It was the day after Jenna and her had a kiss and man had she regretted it. She regretted the way she expressed how Jenna made her feel—even though they don’t know each other’s favorite color, but still it felt like they did.

The whole day had been Jenna avoiding Y/n. She’d look both ways before entering a hall, not daring to even go to the bathroom—just incase she’d be in there.

Jenna knew it was wrong—did she?

At this point she didn’t know right from wrong. She thought kissing girls was wrong, but last night she kissed Y/n. And kissing Y/n gave her one of the most radiant feelings ever.

She couldn’t get the feeling out of her head, but she also couldn’t get God’s face out of her head either. What was she supposed to do? Pretend like she wasn’t having a mental breakdown.

I mean, everything she knew—everything she BELIEVED in seemed wrong.

She had devoted her whole life to this—religion. She didn’t want to talk to Y/n, and she didn’t want to talk to anyone. She needed an answer—something to why she was like this.

-

Later Wednesday

“Okay, so—we literally told you she was bad news. You cannot be complaining.” Jasmin replies to Y/n, who was whining about what had happened.

“Jasmin’s right Y/n. We told you to stay away from her, we all knew she’s a bad person.” Mason also adds on her Jasmin. Y/n doesn’t reply to neither of them. She knew they were right.

“What bout’ you Jack?” She turns to the boy.

Jack didn’t like Jenna—as far as everyone knew she was the worst thing to him.

In grade 10 Jenna had bullied Jack everyday of his life. Online, or in person, it didn’t matter. Jack had braces, pimples, glasses, messy hair. He was an easy target for Jenna back then. It was so bad Jack cried every single night. Jenna Ortega was a bad person.

“You do what you need to do, Y/n.” He says nodding at her.

They all look confused.

“Woah what—“

“Only you know how you feel for her.”

Jasmin and Mason look at Jack like he’s crazy, while Y/n takes in his words

You do what you NEED to do.

“Guys, I have to go.” Y/n stands up, speaking out.

“Wait—wait.” Mason tries to stop her, but it’s too late. She’s out the door.

“Jack, what’d you do?” Jasmin groans, seeing her front door left open.

“What I needed to do.”

-

She runs underneath the bleachers seeing Jenna lying there. She only stares up.

“Didn’t think you would come.” Jenna mutters, still not looking at Y/n.

“Me either.”

“Then why did you?” She finally sits up, looking at Y/n.

“I—I don’t know.”

“I’ve treated you like shit. Im not a good person. I don’t understand why you came.”

“I don’t know your favorite color, but it feels like I do.”

“What—“

“I don’t believe in God—but I believe that you’re my savior.”

“Y/n…”

“I don’t know your middle name, Jenna, but it feels—it feels like I do! When I saw you in 9th grade math for the first time—it felt like I knew your every inch of you. I don’t like it—but I can’t control it. I really—really don’t like it.”

Its quiet.

“Im not supposed to like it.” Jenna stands up. “I wasn’t suppose to like your kiss—right?”

“I told you, it’s okay.”

“I know.”

“Do you?”

“Y/n, Im scared.”

“It’s okay—“

“Do you? Do you know that it’s okay?”

“I know that it feels okay when I see you.”

-

Saturday

Everyday from then it seemed like Y/n and Jenna would find a way to see each other.

Sneaking through a window—or sneaking out, going to the bathrooms at the same in school, somehow they managed, but no one knew.

Jenna had made sure no one knew. She didn’t want anyone to know, it would killer her from the inside out.

She wasn’t ashamed of Y/n, she was ashamed of herself.

The way she preached God, the way she talked about God, the way she held herself so high, she couldn’t bare something like this getting out.

It did hurt Y/n, but she knew it for the best.

Jenna’s parents were homophobic, so what could they even do?

It was now church, and they were sneaking glances at each other. Each one of them smiling and looking away.

The pastor had finally done his last speech of the day. Everybody stood up walking around, greeting and hugging each other. Y/n knew to stay away from Jenna in public, so she walked on the other side looking for people to meet.

Once again, she had met no one. Maybe one day she will—or maybe she already had met someone.

-

short one bc big things are going to be happening