#disk 4 of 12

[roylustang]

My laptop is giant POS so if my updates are ever late, that’s why

[fakeuwus]

UNDERSTAND | park jongseong smau (ongoing)

now playing ☾⋆⁺₊🎧✩°｡ understand by keshi

"maybe we could try, if you let me"

PAIRING: idol!jay x idol!yn (femreader)

SYNOPSIS: coming fresh off your debut, you get invited to be a part of the revival for the beloved variety show 'We Got Married'. what happens when you find yourself falling for your "husband", as he's the perfect partner on and off screen?

FEATURING: enhypen, son jiwoo, moon chanelle, choi jihyun, bang jeemin, + other idols!

GENRE: smau, crack(ish?) (its just me trying my best to be funny but i have the humor of a 12 y/o boy), fluff, angst, idol au, fake dating?

WARNINGS: suggestive jokes, suggestive content(just making out and lots of TENSION!), couple stuffs, will specify in chapters if needed, ignore timestamps and dates!!!

MESSAGE FROM NIC: ahh my first smau!!! sent this prompt to @enmayz on anon and now im bringing it to life :3 IM SO EXCITEDD it's my first smau and im getting the hang of things, so pls be nice!! feedback is always appreciated as well :D

TAGLIST: OPEN (send a ask or comment to be on it!)

PROFILES: worst group ever | ENHA ENHA ENHA

CHAPTER 1: ill choke you in your sleep

CHAPTER 2: we live in a Society . 😕

CHAPTER 3: that's not very pride month of u

CHAPTER 4: u mean *OUR girlfriend

CHAPTER 5: jay pookie nation???

CHAPTER 6: mentally physically weak .

CHAPTER 7: im a sensitive little fella

CHAPTER 8: the eyes chico, they never lie 😔

CHAPTER 9: bros got attachment issues idk!

CHAPTER 10: JAYYN NATION RISE

CHAPTER 10.5: see you loverboy!

CHAPTER 11: copium 💀

CHAPTER 12: omg i love jungkook sunbaenim

CHAPTER 13: eunchae... 😡😡😡😡😡😡

CHAPTER 14: call that idgafism

CHAPTER 15: — ch*emin happend

CHAPTER 16: — floppy disk or balls

CHAPTER 17: —

CHAPTER 18: —

CHAPTER 19: —

CHAPTER 20: —

© fakeuwus 2023 do not repost, translate, or plagiarize

[cyphorical]

Educating Flat Earthers

John Carpenter - Protest? I’m trying to convince a guy at work that the world isn’t flat…. I don’t have enough time or energy to protest. I’m busy trying to fix what the modern educational system has broken, one person at a time! 😢

Mavrik9000 - Simple questions to lead them to think differently and logically: 1. What exactly is the overall shape? 2. How thick is it? 3. What does the edge look like? 4. How thick is the edge? (Ask them to draw a diagram: is it a disk with a smooth edge like a coin, is it a sharp-edged disk like a pizza cutter, etc.) 5. Where is the edge geographically? 6. Does anyone live near the edge? (Starting around this point their answers won't make sense, even to themselves.) 7. Are there any photos or videos of the edge? 8. What's on the other side? 9. Is it moving, if so in what way? 10. Is it rotating like a disk saw blade? How fast? 11. If so, why do the people and things near the edge not fly off? (Demonstrate with a merry-go-round or a bicycle wheel with refrigerator magnets.) 12. Is it spinning like a coin on its edge? How fast? 13. If so, why do the people and things near the edge not fly off? (Demonstrate with a bicycle wheel hanging from a string and a refrigerator magnet.)

[angryschnauzer]

January 11th 2024

Yeah its been a while since i updated. I haven't had the energy to if i'm honest, but here we go.

Hubby had his brain surgery end of November '23. The tumour they took out was a nasty one, somewhere between the size of a golf ball and a kiwi fruit. The wound has healed well with little to no side affects apart from some double vision, but he was checked out for that and it is a common after affect of brain trauma and was remedied with an eyepatch for a few weeks.

We met with the Neuro Oncology team at Royal Marsden Hospital in London. They are one of the best (if not the best) cancer treatment centres in the whole country, and we worked through a treatment plan.

Just before Christmas hubby was also cleared to have shoulder reconstructive surgery (he broke his shoulder bone in the original seizures back at the end of October '23). There was a really small window of time between it being enough time after the brain surgery that he could go back under general anaesthetic, but also enough time to mostly heal before he started Radiotherapy and Chemo, so just 5 days before Christmas hubby was in and out of our local hospital in a single day to have that surgery.

Christmas was a quiet and subdued affair. I also herniated a disk in my back the day Hubby had surgery (i was clearing the deep freeze out ready for grocery delivery), so it meant both he and I were dosed up to our eyeballs on strong painkillers for most of the holiday, and Little Dude spent the majority of the break either playing video games or building his new lego sets.

Two days before Christmas i also had to have emergency dental work (i had been grinding my teeth and had previously cracked a tooth) and whilst i was in the dentists office some utter idiot crashed into my car. That was the last thing i needed but i simply handed it all over to my insurance company (who are aware of my husbands situation) and they arranged a hire vehicle and sorted repairs.

Onto the start of 2024. This is the first week of Radiotherapy and Chemo for Hubby. He is getting very tired and fatigued already from the Radiotherapy, but thankfully no nausea from the chemo as yet, but that could change over time. He is scheduled for a full schedule of 6 weeks of this dual treatment, where we are having to visit Royal Marsden every day Mon - Fri for the six weeks, and then he also takes the chemo 7 days a week for the six weeks.

He'll then have 4 to 6 weeks 'off' treatment for his body to relax and recuperate, but will have scans and MRI's during that time to gauge what further treatment will be, but its likely to be just chemo but a stronger dose, but no radiotherapy. The chemo is to be 3 weeks off one week on, so a 4 weekly cycle.

The one thing we have discovered isn't done is prognosis's. When we first got to Royal Marsden we were shocked as they started talking about years, and explained that although it was a really nasty tumour, it was found very early and whilst it was still relatively small for its kind. They've discussed things like 'this years treatment plan then we'll look at next years', and also for a while Hubby was being considered for a clinical trial which candidates who have prognosis's of 12 months+ are only considered for. In the end he didn't meet the criteria (his cholesterol was too high). The Macmillian Nurses also have been talking to us about Mobility Car assistance schemes where you can get govt assistance financially and get an adapted vehicle on a 2 year rolling lease. All these timings are reassuring in one way, but worrying in another - we have no idea what the future holds and it really does cement in stone that our time is limited and could end any moment, and makes it very difficult to make any long term plans. You don't realise how much of your life is preplanned until you end up in this situation and aren't sure if you can book your kid onto the school residential trip in 5 months time.

Should anyone want the mundane daily day-to-day life updates you can follow me on my personal instagram @simone_with_an_e its generally a load of utter boring bollocks, but i try to keep it updated daily with updates when i can as its a lot easier to do 1 short paragraph than a big update.

For me my mental health is a little better now that i've had time to process Hubby's diagnosis and that he is getting treatment. There are still days or hours when i fall apart, and it could be something as simple as listening to a song on the radio as i drive back from dropping Little Dude at school and i realise the song would be lovely at his funeral. I end up having to pull over and have a cry whilst switching the radio off. I'm loosing weight and aging quickly, my hair is turning grey from stress and i realised i've aged about 15 years in the last 3 from stress. My appetite comes and goes, and things like red meat now turn my stomach and i can't digest it. But i also haven't drunk alcohol since the day before Hubby had his seizure back in October. I feel like i need to stay 'alert' in case i need to rush him to the hospital for something. I don't miss it as such, but I miss the ability to fully relax. Its hard to describe but i feel like at the moment i've lost myself and am just functioning to care for those around me, going through the motions as such.

Anyway, this has been a long update. I do still lurk here, you may see me pop up in notifications liking something, but at the moment i don't feel its right to start putting fandom stuff back on here yet. I do hope to get back to writing at some point. I miss it and the unfinished stories plague my mind as i have such lovely plans for story arc's and really want to finish them.

Take care all,

Schnauz

xxx

[67i203]

strong bad's disk 4 of 12 - intro

[arthistoryanimalia]

#TwoForTuesday:

Ancient Roman lions on display at RISD Museum

1. LION'S-HEAD WATERSPOUT

c. 200 CE

Marble, 21.6 x 21.3 x 11.9 cm (8 1/2 x 8 3/8 x 4 11/16 in)

“This marble disk, carved in the form of a lion's head, would have functioned as an ornate waterspout in a fountain or nymphaeum (fountains with architectural settings for statuary) of a Roman House.

Embellishments such as this were popular in domestic gardens during the Roman era. The lion's features are now worn from centuries of weathering, and the calcium deposits around the mouth indicate a long period of use in antiquity. The back of the carved waterspout has been hollowed out into a funnel shape, which would have allowed a lead pipe (now lost) to stream water through the lion's open mouth.

In antiquity water displays were common in domestic settings — the sound of flowing water and the backdrop of a garden would have created a luxurious setting for entertaining guests.”

2. LION'S-HEAD HANDLE

2nd-3rd century CE

Bronze, 31.4 x 20.3 x 7.9 cm (12 3/8 x 8 x 3 1/8 in)

“The gaping jaws and bared teeth of this bronze lion's head convey the strength and ferocity that have made lions chosen guardian figures for millennia in both the Greek and Roman worlds. Representations of lions have been discovered in various contexts, appearing on gates and tombs in ancient Greece and on Roman sarcophagi (coffins), where they symbolize victory of the soul over death and evil. The four iron rivets visible in this lion's mane were the original attachments to a wooden door, chest, or perhaps a sarcophagus. This well-preserved handle, combining the artistic lion's head and the utilitarian swinging handle, is a stunning example of Roman decorative art.”

[thooya]

i was bored last september so here's Mumbo and Grian's message history (messages they've sent to each other using Grian's railway post service) during Hermitcraft season 7. i think it's cute. i may have missed some messages and i only used Grian's pov

g-Grian m-Mumbo i-Iskall ?-unknown "message" [item or action]

EP3 g-17:39 [a set of poorly enchanted diamond armor] g-21:09 "Hi mumbo dont have any books hope you like our new hobbit tunnel I shall send you random things and messages sometimes" [quartz]

EP4 g-01:32 [parrot head named "Pesky Bird"] g-10:00 or 10:32 "mumbo how do villagers work? asking for a friend" m-10:24 [coords of hermit challenges] m-22:14 "Nobody knows"

EP6 m-04:20 "I got good lol" g-04:38 "I got doors lol" [16 doors]

EP7 g-22:24 "tag 2 electric boogaloo"

EP9 i-02:25 "I took some cactus" g-11:14 "Thanks for letting me use your farm"

EP10 ?-04:34 "A MSG! (but not from mumbo :()" [12 doors and 4 shulker boxes] g-05:08 "Hi mumbo hope you are ok!!!!" g-11:09 [a stack of golden carrots named "Friendship Carrots"]

EP11 m-00:17 "Appreciate ya :)" [14 anvils "Heard you want anvils", 8 stacks of rockets "Rockets of reunion", a diamond block "to my old chum"]

EP13 m-09:45 [26 cod fish "Some kippers for you"] m-11:48 "We play now :)" [started a game of tic-tac-toe in a book]

EP14 m-00:00 [they continued to play tic-tac-toe in the book] m-16:22 [mumbo's sent himself to grian to announce that he was moving out of his hobbit hole]

EP15 m-02:09 [they continued to play tic-tac-toe in the book]

EP17 09:57 [grian's showed the amount of spam he'd sent to mumbo]

EP18 m-14:58 "Thanks :)" [the tic-tac-toe game is over, Grian let Mumbo win]

EP27 m-21:10 "Commercial Done lol" [a music disk "mumboForMayor_Final_Final_LASTB.mp4"]

EP61 g-01:39 "I miss you - G"

EP77 g-05:30 "Shall we go and visit our son?"

[aceofyugioh]

In honor of the holiday season, I'm re-doing my 12 days of Yugioh (🎄🐇🍅🎅🏻, The 12 Days of Yu-Gi-Oh (tumblr.com)) with images!

On the twelfth day of Yugioh, Takahasi-san gave to me

12 Different Dimensions

11 Duelists Dueling

10 Number Monsters

9 Protagonists a-winning

8.88 Million Velgearians a-cheering

7s Road Magician

6 Ignis a-glowing

Team 5Ds

4 Dragon Boys (or Bracelet Girls, your pick)

3 God Cards

2 Yugi Mutos

And a baby Yuhi with a duel disk!

[pionneers-lm]

New DnD funny combo

Requires

Tenser's floating disk spell

Artificer (optional)

So tenser's floating disk moves towards you so long as it is more than 20ft away from you and is destroyed if it is ever more than 100 ft away, but has no listed max move distance in a turn

Acquire a 30ft long 12 by 4 inch beam of pine wood and stick it to the disk with chain, rope or a dedicated metal bracket.

Put a saddle and handle bars in the end of the beam

When you sit on the seat, the disk continuously accelerates towards you pushing you meaning it doesn't actually get any closer

Due to drag the disk would stop accelerating when the force of drag+weight of you and the beam = 500 pounds

For the air resistance to get that high you would be going about 200 miles an hour or 1740 feet per turn

It's a pod racer in DnD

Lean to steer and don't forget to wear a helmet

[total-drama-takes-the-squeakquel]

My proposal for a TTI anon cast (assuming we’re sticking w the original 22 cast members). Some of these are anons that are iconic (for better or worse) and others are just anons I enjoy seeing a lot of :)

1. Ramekins

2. Jater

3. Gwanon

4. Catnon

5. Alienon

6. Pridenon

7. Rivalry Anon

8. Mask/Gwody Anon

9. Raccoon Anon

10. Note Pad Anon

11. Floppy Disk Anon

12. Xray Anon

13. Fox Anon

14. Snake Anon

15. Squid Anon

16. Bait/Blood Anon

17. Grape Anon

18. Accidental Anon

19. Jellyfish Anon

20. Piñata Anon

21. Puppy Anon

22. The Other Mask Anon from the OG blog

-

[talonabraxas]

Sunday, January 28 Tonight let’s check in with Uranus in the constellation Aries, which it shares with the mighty planet Jupiter. The latter planet stands out as the brightest point of light high in the south an hour after sunset. Let’s start with it first: Jupiter shines at magnitude –2.4 and is a treat to view through a telescope. Its disk stretches 40″ across and is flanked by its four largest moons, Io, Europa, Ganymede, and Callisto. For most of the night, Europa and Ganymede sit to the west, while Callisto and Io lie east of the planet. But Io is closing in on Jupiter’s eastern limb; it crosses onto the cloud tops around 8:45 P.M. EST to begin a transit. It isn’t joined by its shadow for more than an hour, the round blot appearing just after 10 P.M. EST, when Io is more than halfway across the disk. Io slips away to the west just before 11 P.M. EST, while its shadow continues to cross for another 80 minutes or so. Those on the East Coast will likely lose sight of the planet before the shadow transit can end. To spot Uranus, look about 12.1° east of Jupiter, or about half the distance between the gas giant and the Pleiades star cluster in Taurus. Uranus is magnitude 5.7, roughly the limit for naked-eye observing. You’ll need a very dark observing site to spot it; regardless, it will be easy to pick up in binoculars or any telescope. The ice giant’s disk is just 4″ across and will look like a grayish, “flat” star. Now that the planet has reached its stationary point, it will begin moving eastward, or prograde, with respect to the more distant background stars. Sunrise: 7:12 A.M. Sunset: 5:14 P.M. Moonrise: 8:11 P.M. Moonset: 8:57 A.M. Moon Phase: Waning gibbous (92%) Sun & Uranus Talon Abraxas

[jungkook97]

severed;; jjk

pairing: non-idol normie!jungkook x reader

word count: 7.7k

rating: teens & up!

genre/warnings: sci-fi, romance, drama, comedy, angst, strangers to established relationship!lovers to strangers again, soulmates au, post-college au

summary: you and jungkook had a terrible breakup. and so, you two decided to delete each other from your guys' memories.

notes: have y'all ever seen eternal sunshine of the spotless mind? severance? that's it. that's the plot, but if jungkook was in it!!

“Isn’t it diabolical to delete him from your brain?”

You shrugged, taking another chug of alcohol.

"Not if he does it first."

© jungkook97 2023. do not repost or modify. please ask for permission to translate.

“Do you remember him?”

You scratched your head in confusion, not understanding the question. 

“Do you remember him?” the person in the lab coat asked again. 

You tilted your head once more, your brain was all muddled. There wasn’t anybody else but you and the person, and it was starting to creep you out a bit as to how cold everything was. 

“Who?”

The nurse wrote down a few scribbles on her notepad. 

“Success. You may proceed to the rest area now.”

You squinted your eyes as you looked down, staring at the package on your lap. It was a small box with a ribbon on it with the words, “Open when ready” card on top of it. You lifted up the card, flipping it to see the words, “THANK YOU FOR DELETING WITH US - LUMON” in the back. 

Ah. It seems like I’ve deleted something from my memory.

You relaxed a bit, sighing as you got up from your seat. You remembered you had an appointment today for the procedure, but you couldn’t remember for who and for what. Probably for good reason, you hoped.

The procedure, you were told, was pretty painless. It took about a month to scan through your memories, trying to discard what is good and what’s bad, put in a floppy disk, and then delete all of it, emotions and all. You’d figured that it was a pretty painful thing, maybe some childhood trauma, a bad breakup, or a car accident…who knows. 

Well, it was on the floppy disk, whatever it was. And until you were ready to look at it (in which you don’t intend to at the moment), you wouldn’t know. 

And so you walked out of the cold and white doctor’s room into a softer-lit, all-green resting area. The plush couches were pressed up against the walls as you see other clients taking a rest, texting their friends and family about the procedure they had just done too. 

You took a gaze at the clock: 4:32. 

Looking down on the box, you could see a time written in the top corner of the card. 

12:01. You’d been here for four hours. 

“Did it hurt?” someone asked. You turned around, seeing a pretty attractive young man around the same age as you. He was smiling of course, elated probably that severance helped him. You wondered what his reason was, although you weren’t terribly curious either. It was none of your business.

“No, actually,” you replied nonchalantly, checking your phone. Dead, it appeared. You sighed. “You got a charger on you? Need to text my friend.”

The blonde nodded, unplugging his phone to give the cord to you. 

“Battery’s full.”

You thanked him, plugging the phone in to juice it up. As the phone lit up and showed itself to be charging, the man continued asking.

“Do you remember why you're here?” he inquired. “This is my first time doing severance, and I’m worried about the after effects, you know.” He leaned into you a bit closer, whispering, “I heard the last guy who was in here puked the moment he saw his floppy disk inscription. Maybe his body remembered or something.”

You blinked, pouting. That sounded rather extreme. Surely, you’ve heard that severance doesn’t work for everyone, particularly with people who have extreme and prolonged trauma that one can’t entangle and delete easily, but throwing up after seeing the disk? You weren’t so sure about that.

“I think that’s just a rumor honestly,” you reassured the man, who was caressing his floppy disk with a lot of care. “What’s yours say?”

“Hm…” he pulled it closer to his eyes, reading it. “‘kth_2021-22.zip.’ Sounds like an ex or something. Three letters always mean ‘ex’ from what I hear.”

“God, I’m so sorry,” you patted him on the shoulder. “Breakups are the worst. Hope it’s for the best.”

The guy sighed, lifting up his jacket after it slid down his shoulders. “It’s whatever. I’m sure it was the best for me. Maybe it was a one-sided love. I hear that happens a lot.”

You found yourself agreeing with him. Although you weren’t exactly sure or really ready to look at whatever it was that got you to the Lumon office, you also felt relieved. Weirdly nervous, but very relieved. As if a big weight has been off of your shoulders, and you could take on the world. 

You weren’t sure why you felt that way. Maybe it was your body remembering.

“Anyway, I think I’m gonna head out. Name’s Jimin, by the way. We should get a coffee sometime, maybe track our progress together.” He waved goodbye to you before standing up.

Gesturing for his cord back, you unplugged your phone, grabbing the cable for him. He slipped a little piece of paper in between your fingers. His number presumably. 

“Oh, okay,” you replied, shaking his head with it before he lightly laughed, walking out of the resting room and into what seemed like the regular cityscape. You slunk back into the chair, the box with the supposed floppy disk in your hands. Curious, you slid it open, trying to see what your severed appointment was about.

“jjk_2020-22.zip.”

Great. An ex. 

“You know what, I’m gonna do it. I’m going to fucking do it!”

You were drunk. And high. Drunk and high at the same time. It has barely been twenty four hours since you found out Jungkook deleted you from his memories and the pain was not letting up. You had been crying to the point of throwing up at this point, and it was not looking pretty.

Sure, you were a bad girlfriend (allegedly, anyways), but to the point of severance? Jungkook promised when you two started getting serious that he would never do such a thing. He loved you, he said. He loved you too much to do such an experimental procedure like that. 

What a load of bullshit. 

“Dude. You cannot be serious!” Namjoon exclaimed, shook to the core. He attempted to take the alcohol bottle away from you, but to no avail. “You know severance is permanent, right?” 

“Yeah, and what about it?” you hiccuped, sliding your hands through the photos of the two together. That awful bastard, you thought. How can this motherfucker be laughing or smiling at all of these photos? It was jeering at you really, like some sick joke. “He had the audacity to break up with me and delete me from his memories? Oh, now he’s gonna be deleted too, FUCK him.”

Namjoon sighed. 

“Isn’t it diabolical to delete him from your brain?”

You shrugged, taking another chug of alcohol. 

“Not if he did it first.”

Your booksmart friend didn’t have much of a retort after that.

“W-well, didn’t you hear about the side effects? What if you forget about me?”

You chuckled, swinging the glass around in the air.

“You’re not gonna be forgotten, Kim Namjoon. You’re my best friend, for fuck’s sake.”

“W-well, I introduced you to him.”

You swallowed. 

“You’re right. You’re gonna be forgotten too, Kim Namjoon.” You gestured wildly in a big circle. “We’re all gonna be forgotten! Severed! Deleted! Vanished!”

Your abnormally tall friend looked at you in disbelief. After all, you were kidding about deleting your best friend from your memories, but he was not amused at all by the possibility of you deleting Jungkook too. Namjoon had desperately tried to get Jungkook to stop the procedure which kept him at bay until one night he impulsively booked the appointment and went to do it without Namjoon knowing. It was terrible. After all, Namjoon had no idea that their breakup would even come, let alone be that awful to the point of severance. 

Oh, he hated quarreling couples. Maybe it was best that he retired from his wingman occupation and went back to actually dating people. Not that it would be a joy. He was after all, this close to doing the procedure himself on a situationship he had, only to chicken out. 

“She has more balls than I do,” he sighed to himself as your eyes slowly began to close and yawned repeatedly. 

“I’ll delete you…Jungkook…”

It had been a week passed since you had done the procedure, and to your surprise, there wasn’t much of a fuss. Surely, your friend Namjoon seemed upset that you did it, but due to the potential complications, he had to sign a nondisclosure to not speak of the ex–er, subject that was deleted from your memory.

“I mean, you can always look back on the disk if you want,” Namjoon egged on in the middle of your guys’ brunch. “People who do it can choose to keep the disk to look back at it without the emotional attachment. I’m guessing the non-severed you wanted to cherish some memories with it.”

“Maybe,” you pondered, swirling the straw in your cup in circles, looking at a distance. There was a pit of emptiness that you couldn’t help but to feel, in which you have already brought up with the exit team. Normal symptoms, they said. It’ll take a few weeks before you’re back to normal, they said. 

You thought about what your new friend Jimin had said over lunch a few days ago. Your body still remembered the events that happened from time to time, but the emotional parts of it were voided from your mind and plopped on a disk to view from a third-person perspective.

It was a scary concept turned into reality, but you weren’t entirely creeped out by it. At this point, it was fun guessing what the topic was. So far, you were able to figure out it was a breakup of sorts, but not sure with who. After all, there are 8 billion people on this planet. 

“You do seem happier though,” Namjoon remarked, sipping a bit of his latte. “Like much happier. The thing…” he said carefully, dragging the second word out, “...the thing definitely held you back. The thing…uh…” he gestured in attempts to articulate further. “Ah…I don’t know how to not talk about this without mentioning–”

“Hyung!” 

You glanced up, eyes directly meeting with big doe eyes. It was a young man who had a cool effortless style to him, wearing a basic white Calvin Klein tee and sweatpants, followed by a yellow Supreme hoodie. He had a full sleeve and a couple of lip piercings to boot. He was cute, but definitely was not your type.

“J-jungkook!” he stuttered, sitting up rather abruptly as he nearly knocked down his chair. You laughed, waving the air to get him to stand up. 

“Please, you’re embarrassing your friend,” you retorted as the guy smiled back for a quick second.

“I’m used to Namjoon-hyung being that way. He’s our clumsy little tall friend. Huh, Hyung?” 

“Ay, stop teasing me like that,” he said hastily. Namjoon took a quick glance at the both of you, clearing his throat. He seemed weirdly nervous all of a sudden, as if he was caught cheating with his side chick. “Uh…this is Jungkook. Jungkook, this is one of my college friends…”

You extended your hand out to say hello as Namjoon continued to give a whole background of how you guys met, but you were met with a blank stare, almost as if the guy was embarrassed to talk to you. There was an awkward silence between you two, and you figured to try to say something, but there was something rather dead and cold behind Jungkook’s eyes that you felt rather uncomfortable by. You grimaced, rescinding the handshake back. 

What’s up with this kid? Why is he staring at me like that? 

You also felt that empty feeling again, as if something was terribly missing. It was a lot, but you thought nothing of it. It seemed like it happened rather randomly and in little bursts.

“...anyway, nice to see you, little one. I need to go to my appointment, so we’ll see each other soon, yeah?”

Jungkook snapped out of the daze to nod at his broad-shouldered friend. 

“Yeah. See you,” he said before waving goodbye, turning swiftly around and leaving the scene as quickly as he appeared. You frowned as you watched the kid walked away briskly, only to be met with Namjoon’s nervous expression. 

“What?”

“What what?”

You sighed.

“Never mind. You’re being weird today.”

“He just stared at you? Did he know you or anything?”

“No…?” you answered with a questioning tone, sipping some more wine. It was pouring outside and you decided to have a few drinks with Jimin at his place. It turned out he was extremely and terribly gay, and definitely was not trying to hit on you when he slipped that number in your fingers. Thank God, you sighed. At least, he wasn’t going to take advantage of the fact that you maybe had an ex and try to be your rebound. Surely, you had enough rebounds in your life as it is.  

“Suspicious indeed,” Jimin squinted his eyes, sipping a bit of his newly concocted cocktail. “Ah, I thought about watching the footage on the disk back this week, but someone had told me not to.”

“Why?” you leaned in closer, staring at Jimin’s disk perched on top of the coffee table. “You think you’re gonna see some bad shit on there?”

“Nah,” he remarked, leaning back on the couch and gathering his legs up to his chin. “Someone told me that they threw up after they watched everything on the disk. Like, for 10 minutes straight or something.”

“What’s with you and throwing up?” you laughed, hitting him playfully. He hit back, giggling. 

“I don’t know. At this point, I think people are just lying to me.”

“Yeah, probably!”

As Jimin gathered the glasses together to start cleaning up, you drifted off for a second. What if you’re ready to see the contents of the tape? Was it safe to see what’s on it for you? What was so awful that you chose to delete this person from your memories and detach yourself like that? You wondered how much you loved this person, how much you wanted this person to be a part of your life forever…what were the possibilities? There were so many? 

One thing was for sure though. You were ready to watch the tape tonight.

And so you did. 

As you plopped the disk into the hard drive of your desktop CPU, it booted up, showing the LUMON logo. As the screen loaded in front of you, you tapped your fingers nervously on the keyboard, wondering what you were going to unpack.

A virtual set of eyes popped up and opened its eyelids, finished with a pair of lips. Then, a female voice greeted you. 

["𝘏𝘌𝘓𝘓𝘖, 𝘐 𝘈𝘔 𝘠𝘖𝘜𝘙 𝘝𝘐𝘙𝘛𝘜𝘈𝘓 𝘔𝘌𝘔𝘖𝘙𝘠 𝘒𝘌𝘌𝘗𝘌𝘙, 𝘓𝘠𝘓𝘈. 𝘠𝘖𝘜 𝘈𝘙𝘌 𝘈𝘊𝘊𝘌𝘚𝘚𝘐𝘕𝘎 𝘍𝘐𝘓𝘌: 𝘑-𝘑-𝘒, 𝘜𝘕𝘋𝘌𝘙𝘚𝘊𝘖𝘙𝘌, 𝘛𝘞𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘠 𝘛𝘞𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘠, 𝘋𝘈𝘚𝘏, 𝘛𝘞𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘠 𝘛𝘞𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘠-𝘛𝘞𝘖. 𝘞𝘏𝘈𝘛 𝘞𝘖𝘜𝘓𝘋 𝘠𝘖𝘜 𝘓𝘐𝘒𝘌 𝘛𝘖 𝘚𝘌𝘌?"]

A folder appeared on the screen before it opened itself up to show a multitude of videos, seemingly time stamped in the course of the past two years. You tilted your head in amazement, scrolling through all the different files and seeing one person you had seen just earlier in the week present in all the videos.

“It’s that kid. Jung…shit, what was his fucking name?”

You scratched your head trying to remember, but to no avail. No wonder Namjoon seemed nervous around you when he came by. 

Was this guy your ex? A friend? What did he do to you? 

You had a sinking feeling as to what it could be, only to be comforted in not seeing any sexual misconduct or assault warnings on the side of the videos. You sighed in relief, leaning back against your office chair. 

Where do you even start? 

That empty feeling came up again, this time stronger than before. It felt really uncomfortable, something that you wanted to go away.

Now, it was starting to make sense. The empty feelings were probably what was missing, what this person, whoever it is, is going to provide answers for.

“There was a guy it seems,” you began replying back to Lyla. “Apparently he meant the world to me based on some of these previews. I can’t seem…I can’t seem to remember him, Lyla.”

A moment of silence.

["𝘐'𝘔 𝘚𝘖𝘙𝘙𝘠, 𝘐 𝘊𝘈𝘕𝘕𝘖𝘛 𝘈𝘊𝘊𝘌𝘚𝘚 𝘛𝘖 𝘙𝘌𝘊𝘓𝘈𝘐𝘔 𝘠𝘖𝘜𝘙 𝘔𝘌𝘔𝘖𝘙𝘐𝘌𝘚."]

“Uh, I’m not asking…” you swore under your breath before proceeding. “Um. Not trying to remember. Just…I weirdly…have this empty feeling right now. Just wanna know if this is related to this person perhaps.”

Silence. Longer than usual.

["𝘞𝘖𝘜𝘓𝘋 𝘠𝘖𝘜 𝘓𝘐𝘒𝘌 𝘛𝘖 𝘝𝘐𝘌𝘞 𝘍𝘐𝘓𝘌, 𝘑-𝘑-𝘒, 𝘜𝘕𝘋𝘌𝘙𝘚𝘊𝘖𝘙𝘌, 𝘛𝘞𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘠 𝘛𝘞𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘠 𝘋𝘈𝘚𝘏, 𝘛𝘞𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘠 𝘛𝘞𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘠-𝘛𝘞𝘖 𝘍𝘙𝘖𝘔 𝘛𝘏𝘌 𝘝𝘌𝘙𝘠 𝘉𝘌𝘎𝘐𝘕𝘕𝘐𝘕𝘎?"]

Should I? What’s the worst that could happen?

“Yes.”

["𝘼𝘾𝘾𝙀𝙎𝙎𝙄𝙉𝙂 𝙁𝙄𝙇𝙀 𝙊𝙉𝙀."]

The screen turned to black.

It was you and Namjoon sitting at a restaurant booth, waiting for someone. It was late 2020 as the snow engulfed the streets of Seoul and people were hurriedly trying to get out of work since it was the end of day. You sat there seemingly nervous, pondering about something that you cannot recall what it was. 

“Are you sure about this guy?” you inquired. 

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure. He’s one of my good friends actually,” Namjoon grinned. His eyes met somebody as he gestured them over. “There he is! Jungkook!” 

You peered through your shoulder to see a young man and to your shock, it was the guy who you had met earlier who was gawking at you in the weirdest way. 

Pausing the video, you sat back in your chair, wondering what this encounter was. Was Namjoon introducing you to a friend as a date? You swore this guy Jungkook wasn’t your type. You preferred guys who were more clean cut, academic looking and well, not have tattoos. 

Maybe Namjoon saw something in this kid that you didn’t see before. Who even knows besides continuing on watching the tape. 

“Ah, we’ve met before!” you exclaimed. You stood up, giving Jungkook a warm embrace. “We met at the show that Yoongi had, yeah?”

“Yeah,” he replied, smiling back. “Namjoon talked a lot about you right after the show to me. It seemed like he was the one who was interested in you rather than trying to pitch a date, haha.”

“He does that,” you smiled awkwardly, extending your hand out to have him sit down. “Let’s eat, yeah?”

And so the conversation went on as you continued to watch the tape intently, getting a notebook to write some notes down. It turned out Jungkook was a friend of Yoongi’s, graduated from a state university back in the States and worked for some finance consulting firm nearby. You were surprised, of course, considering that the kid had a very visible sleeve tattoo alongside finger tattoos to boot. You couldn’t take the guy seriously despite the fact that he fits your profile now. After all, he must’ve charmed his way into your heart for you to have spent 2 years with the guy.

“So what do you do for a living?” Jungkook asked as he volunteered to flip the meats over to cook. You covered your mouth to swallow (a movement that you looking in retrospect gagged at, knowing that you were trying to look girly and proper in front of the guy) before answering,

“I’m a marketing director at an entertainment company,” you replied, grabbing some more seasoned bean sprouts to your plate. “I can’t say who I work for though, people would freak out.”

“Really?” he chuckled. The sound of it was impeccably attractive to you, you admit to yourself. “And why is that?”

“Because my main account is a girl group who every guy is obsessed with. Or rather, just that one singular member.”

He lifted up an eyebrow. 

“Oh? I don’t think I’d be weird about it if you tell me.”

“Dude trust me, she doesn’t lie,” Namjoon joked, taking a sip of his soju. “When she told me she was working for Wonyoung’s group, I was sure that none of our boys knew so they didn't bother her for the girls’ numbers.”

“Namjoon,” you emphasized as he opened his mouth in shock, covering his mouth. 

“I’m sorry!” he hastily replied, putting his hands up in defeat. “I swear–”

“No, that was on purpose!” you retorted back, throwing some seasoned spinach his way. The both of you laughed as Jungkook nervously laughed back, unsure if it was a joke or not. 

“Aren’t they really young though?” Jungkook remarked, putting some cooked meat onto everyone’s plates. “Like, one of them is sixteen or something, no?”

“Eh, men are men,” you replied dryly, thanking him quietly as he passed some samgyeopsal over to you. “And men are pigs. I’ve told them this and they still don’t give a shit. Especially when it comes to little Wonyo. Everyone throws logic out of the window when I talk about her.”

“‘Wonyo’…” Jungkook’s voice trailed off. “I’m guessing you’re close to Wonyoung to call her that?”

“Yeah. You obsessed with her too?” you asked plainly.

It was a test, you could tell in hindsight. You were the type to test men out to see they weren’t creeps every single time. Namjoon hated it (“You’re starting up shit for no reason!” he would say), but as a strong independent feminist yourself, you always had to make sure that some guy you were interested in wasn’t a predatory weirdo.

“Nah,” Jungkook answered just as matter-of-factly, stuffing his cheeks with meat. “I don’t like barely legal girls.” His cheeks began to flush a faint tint of pink. “Actually, I’m more into older women.”

You choked on some mashed potatoes. 

“Jesus,” you paused the video, hands covering your face. You couldn’t help but to flush as well at how incredibly cute that was. Surely, you were always into older men, but younger men lately have had a death grip on you. 

You can see your old self blushing too. Ah, that was what got you to be interested, you thought. You were so predictable. 

There were more conversations here and there, and you could tell over time, Jungkook felt more and more confident, extending his shoulder blades to make him look bigger than he actually was, cooking the meat a bit more aggressively and not stopping once to compliment you in some way or another. He was being outwardly flirtatious, something that you, as a Libra-dominant person, enjoyed quite a bit. You couldn’t help but feel the butterflies in your stomach flutter every time he said something wildly flirty, you would coil back in your chair out of embarrassment. He was totally your type, and it was crazy how deeply charismatic he was. 

“So, when am I going to see you again, my dear?” he asked as he held the door for you. You could see Namjoon’s eyeballs roll to the back of his head as the old you continued to be flustered by how directly forward this kid was.

“How about tomorrow, you little flirt?” you teased back, pulling him into a hug. Jungkook put his arms around your waist quite immediately, his nose scrunched up in embarrassment as he was doing this in front of his good friend. 

“You guys are disgusting,” Namjoon muttered loud enough for you two to hear. “What am I getting myself into with y’all being a thing…”

You leaned in closer as you could see your old self’s sparkling eyes looking into Jungkook’s. His big caramel eyes were looking back at you as well with his smile getting so big that you couldn’t help but smile too. Even though you two were getting to know each other, you could tell this was the start of something really great, although, with the fate of what happened, you wondered why this seemingly good relationship was now on a floppy disk and not in your brain. 

What happened, you thought to yourself. Did Jungkook break your heart that bad for you to forget him this way? Your heart sank at the thought of it. Surely, the answers would reveal itself as the tapes go on, but somehow, you were scared to watch the rest of it. 

[“𝙀𝙉𝘿 𝙊𝙁 𝙁𝙄𝙇𝙀 𝙊𝙉𝙀. 𝙉𝙊𝙒 𝘼𝘾𝘾𝙀𝙎𝙎𝙄𝙉𝙂, 𝙁𝙄𝙇𝙀 𝙏𝙒𝙊."]

It was a routine every night to watch a few videos from the disk. It was like binging on a new show you fell in love with, except this time, you were falling in love with this Jungkook from your computer screen.

At some point during the viewing, you found yourself pausing every few seconds, usually having to stomach what had just happened. You two were impeccably adorable, going on weekly dates the moment after the brunch ended. Jungkook was full of surprises, taking you on amusement park dates. He made you get on the biggest rollercoaster in the park, and you cried the entire time because you hated rollercoasters. You, on the other hand, took him to art museums and jazz concerts, something he always found boring. As his feet tapped in anxiousness and boredom, you would relieve your boyfriend from it by promising to get frisky in the bathrooms later on in the night, only to be blue-balled because you became hyperfixated on the topic at hand, talking about it for hours after the date was over.

In fact, you two also did a lot of fucking in the beginning, a lot. It was interesting at first as you were mostly vanilla, but as time went on, Jungkook did things to you that you never thought could happen to your petite little body. It was exhilarating to watch and also fascinating. 

But also, there were arguments here and there. Jungkook was younger by a bit than you after all, and he was deeply, utterly insecure.

[“𝘼𝘾𝘾𝙀𝙎𝙎𝙄𝙉𝙂, 𝙁𝙄𝙇𝙀. 𝙏𝙒𝙊 𝙃𝙐𝙉𝘿𝙍𝙀𝘿 𝘼𝙉𝘿 𝙁𝙄𝙁𝙏𝙔-𝙏𝙒𝙊.”]

Jungkook slammed the door behind him, creating a bit of a scene in your apartment. You sighed, still cooking dinner for the both of you. 

“Who was that on your story?” he immediately inquired as he slipped off his shoes. You knew where this was about to go. From the last episode, Jungkook found out you were still talking to your ex-now-turned-friend, Sam. Sam was an international student turned graduate who you spent all of college dating. Despite the fact that you guys were deeply compatible, you two ended up breaking up over the lack of time together, but nonetheless, you two enjoyed each other’s company. 

“Sam,” you sighed, setting the bowls together. “And yes, it’s that Sam.”

You gestured Jungkook to sit down, but he was heated, hands on his hips. With his tongue sticking out from his cheek, he started pacing back and forth, a sign of agitation. 

“Why did you see him? You still got feelings?”

“Jungkook,” you said sternly. 

You shook your head and snorted, chewing on the bulgogi you just made. If there was anything you knew about Jungkook at this point, it was the fact that he was a deeply jealous little guy, constantly feeling like he had to compete for your attention. Surely in the beginning, he charmed his way into your pants it seemed, but things have been different since then. You two had gotten used to each other’s presence as you could tell, and Jungkook’s flirty antics were no longer getting the old you flustered. 

“Is that not a fair question to ask?” he shot back, crossing his arms. “You did say that you’re the type to always get into situationships.”

“That was the old me,” you rebutted, setting some side dishes on the kitchen island. “Now can you please sit? The food is getting cold.”

Jungkook frowned, widening his stance while staring at you dead in the eye.

“Please,” you urged, waving the food in front of you. “I really don’t wanna argue today. You’ve been on edge so much lately because of the recent restructuring and I just want it to be peaceful.”

It was true. Jungkook’s job had recently merged into a bigger conglomerate and as a result, his department had been cutting people and laying off folks for weeks now. He felt extremely nervous and unhinged for quite some time, and as a result, he has been particularly accusatory toward old you in the past several episodes. 

You could see the old you pleading with your eyes, sighing as Jungkook eventually swallowed his pride and came over, sitting down next to you.

“I’m sorry,” he opened his mouth sometime later in between chews. “I’m just–”

“...stressed, I know,” you completed his sentence, giving him a piece of stir-fried pork chop. “Now eat. Your girlfriend spent a couple of hours out of her day to feed her easily jealous boyfriend.”

You smiled softly back at Jungkook, in which he smiled quietly to himself, sighing. 

“I wish you were there with me every day. I wouldn’t go as crazy, you know.”

“But I can’t and you know that,” you logically explained it to him. “Have you thought–”

“...of quitting?” he scoffed, shaking his head. “No, I can’t quit now. Especially since Eunwoo got promoted. If he out of all people could get promoted before I do…”

He trailed off. You sighed. 

“What did I say about caring about what Cha Eunwoo is doing?” you warned. 

“Ignore him,” he answered through gritted teeth, munching on the pork chop slices you gave him. “But he’s so annoying, my love.”

“Well, my love, you need to keep ignoring him for your peace! Your peace is important to me, and you’re always getting so riled up over the smallest things.”

Jungkook grimaced a bit before pouting.

“You’re telling me that the whole Sam thing is a ‘small thing’?” he did air quotes at the last two words. 

At this point, you paused the video. It was getting ridiculous at how incredibly immature Jungkook was, and you were also full from your dinner. 

While it was true that Jungkook was this rebellious kid who doesn’t listen for shit and gets feisty too often, you were also the same way. It was a shock how you two were compatible considering that you believed in opposites attract, but at the same time, it made all the sense. Jungkook was a mirror to you, and it was incredible how intoxicating the relationship has been. You felt a pit in your stomach in where this could go, and frankly, you weren’t looking forward to seeing it. 

[𝘼𝘾𝘾𝙀𝙎𝙎𝙄𝙉𝙂 𝙁𝙄𝙇𝙀 𝙏𝙃𝙍𝙀𝙀 𝙃𝙐𝙉𝘿𝙍𝙀𝘿 𝘼𝙉𝘿 𝙎𝙀𝙑𝙀𝙉𝙏𝙔-𝙁𝙄𝙑𝙀.]

You two were at a wedding. Jin’s wedding to be exact. 

It was a lively affair, filled with friends that you grew to know over the course of a few weeks. Seokjin was the oldest in your little quartet of friends who finally proposed to his sweetheart of five years (in which she already knew way in advance because Seokjin was terrible when it comes to keeping secrets). Namjoon had finished singing some cheesy English-only number he wrote specifically for the couple, drunkenly crying after as he toasted for the newly wedded. 

You were sitting with your now 2-years-older boyfriend as he goofily danced with his guitarist friend Yoongi, who was too shy to show some of his moves. He took it seriously though, doing parts of a choreography of a song he composed for Jaesang with some chic flair. The man had made good money by producing a lot of amazing beats for the industry, but this was nothing compared to how much Jungkook teased him for it. 

As the song came to an end, Seokjin grabbed the mic from the DJ as audio feedback irritated everyone’s ears. He was incredibly drunk, and his new wife was urging him to sit down and drink some water to no avail. 

“Ah ah, let me SING!” he protested, making his wife sit down as he continued to hiccup his way through it all. “I am the best singer on the planet, let’s goooooo~!”

The DJ soon played a slower song with Seokjin singing a half a second too late, only to start over again. Everyone was laughing, charmed by the barely married man feeling confident to sing in front of his beloved friends and family.

“You know, he isn’t bad,” Yoongi piped up as everyone began to bring out their phones to record with him doing the same. “I would love him to be in the studio with me and record something.”

“You’re scouting people now, Yoongi?” you giggled as Yoongi chuckled back, smacking his lips. 

“I gotta keep my bag flowing,” he sheepishly replied. 

The both of you continued to have a good laugh as Jungkook swung by in his sleek black and grey checkered Louis Vuitton suit, wrapping his arms around you. 

“Babe, let’s slow dance,” he whined. “We haven’t danced together all night and we look hot together.”

“Jungkook,” you pleaded, pointing at your injured ankle. “Ankle. Sprained. Cannot dance very well.”

“I’ll carry you,” Jungkook reassured you, starting to pull you onto the dance floor. “Come on, let’s dance under the disco ball and make out. Please?”

“We’re already halfway there,” you grumbled, turning your pout into a smile. He was cheekily smiling from ear-to-ear at your approval and pulled you right in the middle of the dance floor, supporting your whole body to ensure that your sprain wouldn’t get worse. 

It was a beautiful sight, and as the lights slowly dimmed for Seokjin’s impressive high notes, it looked like you two were deeply in love with each other, that happiest that you seemed to have ever been. Surely, you had a few boyfriends that made you feel something, but genuine happiness? You haven’t seen yourself smile like that in a long time. It was a core memory for sure, a core memory you wished you remembered for the life of you, but cannot. 

All you could do was continue watching the tape with absolutely no control of what was to happen next. It was a rollercoaster, similar to the one that you were terribly afraid of to go on. On some days, it felt like you two were a perfect match, while other days, it felt like there was no way to understand each other. It was hot and cold, fiery and icy. Sometimes you felt like you could connect to this Jungkook, only to realize that it doesn’t matter. Fate had other plans and you two are no longer together, not knowing that this history happened.

You wondered if Jungkook now had deleted your memories of you. Namjoon didn’t want to reveal much. After all, he’s still tied under the NDA to not speak about you two because you guys weren’t supposed to know each other. You wondered if Jungkook didn’t delete you, if he missed you the way you strangely and unexplainably missed him. After all, how can you miss someone you never met? You were unsure, but you definitely felt it. 

As the star of the night sings the closing notes, the two of you had your foreheads against each other, staring into each other's eyes. You couldn’t help but to feel emotional from seeing it, shedding a tear as you paused for a moment to take it in. 

You fell in love with Jungkook. It wasn’t even funny anymore, you had successfully fallen in love with someone you loved and decided to forget. You couldn’t help but to feel pissed at your old self. Like, why did you do it? Why did you choose to delete him from your memory? Was it out of spite? Out of anger? What was it? 

It was killing you inside, and you continued to replay the moment over and over again, seeing the happiness in both of your guys’ eyes. 

“I love you,” Jungkook finally whispered. His eyes were closed now, shaking a bit out of nervousness probably. 

“I love you too,” you said back immediately. “I love you so much more.”

“I love you the most,” he pressed, trying to end it. 

The both of you laughed before sharing a sweet kiss together. 

“Guys, let’s gather together! Bouquet throwing time!” 

All the girls began to scream as the two of you parted lips. He opened his eyes to peer over your shoulder, turning you around and pushing you lightly toward the growing crowd of women. 

“Go, go, go!” he urged. 

And so you walked over there through the crowd carefully, making sure you weren’t putting so much pressure on the injured ankle. Eventually, you were in the back as Seokjin’s wife slowly began to rock her bouquet front and back before turning around to get ready. 

“Okay, let’s…go!” 

The bouquet was thrown up in the air and as everyone swarmed each other to block their way, it ended up landing in…

…your hands.

Everyone cheered on for you as you giddily yelled at the top of your lungs, ecstatic. You turned around to try to find Jungkook in the crowd, only seeing him beaming at you. You held the bouquet up and then…

…smile vanished.

“What?”

You paused the video. You wouldn't believe it. And so, you watched it again.

And again.

And again. 

And again. 

He did indeed turn stone-faced at the moment you pulled up the bride’s bouquet. It wasn’t a sneer. It wasn’t a frown. Just. Nothing. 

“What the fuck…” you said out loud, slinking back into the couch. You unpaused the video and the scene continued.

Your smile faded at the sight of it, in which you made the same face as him, throwing the bouquet down. Jungkook, upon seeing you, turned around hastily, smacking his lips together to sit back down on his seat. You went back to your seat as well, not looking at him. 

Shit. This is where it goes to shit, huh.

["𝘼𝘾𝘾𝙀𝙎𝙎𝙄𝙉𝙂. 𝙁𝙄𝙇𝙀 𝙏𝙃𝙍𝙀𝙀 𝙃𝙐𝙉𝘿𝙍𝙀𝘿 𝘼𝙉𝘿 𝙎𝙀𝙑𝙀𝙉𝙏𝙔 𝙎𝙄𝙓."]

The car ride home was quiet. Too quiet. 

At this point, you were seething from the tape. It didn’t help that you two ignored each other for the whole night, after exchanging some “I love yous” before this bouquet incident unfolded. No one was saying anything, and it was pissing you off. 

“Is someone going to say something?” you muttered under your breath, pressing the fast forward button a bit to see if things changed.

Then, a single sentence came out of Jungkook’s mouth.

“About earlier…I didn’t mean that.”

“Mean what?” you shot back, sitting up from your seat. “You literally told me to go catch the bouquet and then when I did, you made this face like…like…you don’t want to marry me or something.”

“No, that’s not what I was thinking,” Jungkook rebutted, his hands gripping on the steering wheel tighter. “I was just…taken aback, that’s all.”

“Why?”

Yeah. Why?

“Why…” he repeated to himself, trailing off. “I don’t know, my face just reacted. I don’t know what I was thinking, okay?”

“Oh really. And I’m supposed to believe you?” 

“Sweetheart, can we please not argue tonight? I had a lot of fun, and it’s been a while since–”

“Oh, it’s been a while?” you interrupted, scoffing. “Oh, it’s been a while since I wasn’t a killjoy, is that it?”

You could tell Jungkook was starting to tense up, gritting his teeth.

“Yes, maybe that was it. Because, I don’t know, you have been on my ass lately about not finding a job, and you don’t pick up after yourself.”

“What? What the fuck?” you laughed bitterly as the two of you pulled up at your place. “What the actual fuck? You don’t even live with me!”

“I don’t, but I sure stayed at your house long enough to know that you’re pretty fucking gross when we’re not together. And maybe, I don’t want to move in seeing all of that, I don’t know.”

“Oh, we’re just speaking our feelings now? Clearing the air?” you shook your head in disbelief. “Well, you’re not really the most pleasant person to be sleeping next to. Have you ever thought about going to sleep at a regular time instead of playing your video games until 5 AM?”

“I have insomnia, my love,” Jungkook refuted. “You told me you weren’t a light sleeper.” 

“I’m a pretty heavy sleeper. You,” you pointed right at him. “You are just loud!”

“Well, it’s not like you gave a fuck up until this point, haven’t you? You just care now because I fucking made a face at the wedding.”

“Yes, maybe that’s the case but…maybe, maybe, your little face was a sign.”

“A sign of what?”

“That we’re not going to be endgame, Jungkook.”

You were breathing hard at that point, and same with the present you. The two of you looked at each other blankly as Jungkook’s voice shook in anger. 

“What the fuck are you trying to say?”

“I’m saying…” your voice quivered a bit. “I’m saying, if we can’t seem to stand each other’s habits, maybe we should break up.”

Boom. There it was. 

“What?” Jungkook scoffed, licking his lips. “You’re going to break up with me after I fucking told you I love you the most?”

“You don’t,” you pressed. “If you do, you wouldn’t constantly be so insecure about Sam or any of my old exes. I shower you with endless amounts of approval every day, trying to make you feel a bit better about yourself, and you just don’t care. You pull me in with all the lovebombing, telling me we’re perfect for each other, and then you pull some shit like all of it is nothing.`

Jungkook was silent. You stared back at him, tears welling up in your eyes.

“I don’t know…I don’t know if I want to continue doing this. It’s been two years since we’ve dated and I feel like every day, I don’t know who I’m going to get next. It feels like you’re just here to only want me when you’re happy and don’t when you’re not happy. Like, what is the point of all of this?”

“‘What’s the point…’” he repeated, only to stop from there. Putting his face in his hands, he sighed deeply. “Maybe you’re fucking right. Maybe I really don’t know what the hell I want in this relationship. We fight so much and it’s so volatile. I don’t know why, I just…I always feel like I have to argue because sometimes, my dear, I cannot stand you when we do. Like, you don’t understand how I feel, how much I need to be consoled that I’m the only one–”

“YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE, JUNGKOOK,” you yelled, your hands shaking. “I keep telling you this and you don’t FUCKING believe me!” 

“Then, why are you still having lunch with Sam?”

“Because we’re close friends!”

“And I’m not to you? My feelings don’t fucking matter, does it?”

“It does, it’s just–FUCK.”

You broke down into sobs as Jungkook hit the steering wheel, crying as well. In fact, that was all you two did for a bit. 

“I’m going to go,” you said after a while, sniffling as you grabbed your purse. “I don’t know if we’re going to be okay after this–”

“We’re not,” Jungkook said with finality. “Let’s do it. Let’s break up.”

You turned over to him, looking at him straight in the eye. He was dead serious. 

“Fine.”

You opened the door, got out, and closed the door shut behind. Jungkook put the car into drive, and drove off almost immediately.

[“𝘌𝘕𝘋 𝘖𝘍 𝘍𝘐𝘓𝘌 𝘛𝘏𝘙𝘌𝘌 𝘏𝘜𝘕𝘋𝘙𝘌𝘋 𝘈𝘕𝘋 𝘚𝘌𝘝𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘠 𝘚𝘐𝘟. 𝘌𝘕𝘋 𝘖𝘍 𝘑-𝘑-𝘒, 𝘜𝘕𝘋𝘌𝘙𝘚𝘊𝘖𝘙𝘌, 𝘛𝘞𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘠 𝘛𝘞𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘠 𝘋𝘈𝘚𝘏, 𝘛𝘞𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘠 𝘛𝘞𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘠-𝘛𝘞𝘖 𝘋𝘖𝘛 𝘡𝘐𝘗.”]

And so the tape ended.

It was days, days before you could move on from the contents of the disk. You miss Jungkook more than ever before. The doctors were right about the empty feeling, it does go away. 

Except, it was replaced by something else, an array of feelings you feel after watching the tapes.

And so, you went on about your days. Typical, normal days.

Then, you ran into somebody. Someone who you only saw on the tapes. 

It was a nice summer day when it happened. You were running errands, trying to catch up for the week and decided to stop by your favorite coffee shop. 

“Jungkook?”

The young man turned around. He was wearing all black with another colored Supreme beanie with Birkenstocks. 

“____?” he replied back, although unsure. You nodded, putting your small bag of groceries behind your shoulder. 

“Yeah,” you answered. “It’s me.”

A moment of silence. 

“Uh, I watched the tapes…um, well. I should probably preface that I deleted you from my memories–”

“Me too.”

You stood there, frozen. 

“Oh.”

So that answered your question whether he did the procedure too. 

“Yeah…” Jungkook continued on. “Um, I went back to see them too and uh…” his fingers began to fidget with the bottom of his shirt. “Well, I know that I don’t necessarily remember anything or remember why I chose to severe you, I can’t help but to feel sorry. For us. For what happened. I don’t know why I feel that way, but I do.”

He was deeply remorseful, very apologetic. You couldn’t help but to feel bad, lowering your bag of groceries to the ground as Jungkook stared at them, unsure of how to really react.

“I wish I didn’t delete you,” he concluded. “I wish we were still together. Watching those tapes made me feel like I lost out on something. I don’t know why I was so insecure. I could care less if you’re friends with your exes. Maybe I’m just too immature at the time. I know a great deal of time has passed, but I want us to–”

He coughed a bit, choking on his words. 

“I want us to–”

He coughed a bit more, and then…

Vomit. 

“Oh my God!” you exclaimed as the crowd did the same, with a few people hastily grabbing napkins from their bags so Jungkook could clean himself up. 

You stared at him agape as you remembered what Jimin had said the first day you two had met. 

“You…you were the guy who threw up when you saw your disk, didn’t you?” you inquired. Jungkook, now, wiping his mouth, looked up.

“How did you know?”

Your mouth grew into a smile. 

“Heard from somebody.”

Jungkook smiled as well, standing up as he straightened himself up in an attempt to try to look bigger. 

“Ah, well, they say it’s a side effect or something. Your body remembers.”

“Yeah…” you trailed off, smiling back at him fondly. “Your body does remember.”

END.

[verai-marcel]

Your Hearth Is My Home (BG3 Fanfic, Astarion x Female Reader, Part 13 of ?)

Summary, Notes, Tags, & Part 1 are here.

Act I - Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12

AO3 Link is here, my dear.

Word Count: 6,000 on the dot

------------------------------------

Act II, Chapter 1 - The Shadow Cursed Lands

With everything packed, Gale summoned a floating disk to carry the traveling chest. You recalled with a wry grin when he had first conjured the damn thing, before you had packed up the camp near the grove.

“Why in the hells didn’t you cast this before?” you nearly screeched.

Gale shrugged. “Hadn’t occurred to me.”

“So you let poor Karlach carry the chest on her back?”

He looked contrite. “She just picked it up like it was nothing! I was a bit too distracted to think of the spell.”

You immediately picked up on his shy comment and grinned like a cat. “Too distracted by her glistening muscles, you mean?”

“What? No!” He immediately glanced over at Karlach to see her raising an eyebrow at him. “I mean, they are nice muscles,” he floundered, gesturing frantically. “Wait. That’s not what I meant. I mean they’re fine, but—”

Astarion’s laughter carried across the camp as he watched the poor wizard ungracefully fumble his words. “What he means to say,” he said as he sauntered over to Karlach, “is that he was so impressed by your feat of strength that all he could do was look on in awe.”

“That’s it. That’s it exactly,” Gale said, sounding relieved.

“And he was probably imagining your amazing thighs crushing his skull, too,” Astarion added with a flirty wink.

Karlach laughed. Hells, everyone laughed, while Gale sputtered and walked away, his face bright red.

You snickered to yourself at the memory. With your pack on your back and the floating disk following you, you and your companions opened the door to a new land.

The greenish-black ambiance immediately made you grimace, and you hadn’t even walked through the doorway. With lit torches, you stepped forward and traveled south, lighting every brazier on the way, just in case you had to run back for any reason.

For example, being pushed back by a horde of enemies.

You swallowed. You were in the middle of the group, being protected on all sides. You felt bad about being such a liability in such situations. All you could do was guard the floating disk with your own body. You still hadn't learned how to use your dagger properly. You needed to ask someone, but they all seemed so tired at the end of the day that you always hesitated and then finally chickened out.

Lae’zel might teach me… but her training might be too harsh for me. Wyll would teach me, but I’m not sure if daggers are his thing. He was teaching the young tieflings how to fight with swords before he joined the group.

You glanced at the dagger on Astarion’s belt. I could ask him… but would he say yes?

Suddenly Lae’zel and Wyll stopped at the edge of a gnarled bridge, holding their fists up to let everyone know to stay still.

A woman on the other side called out to them. “Who goes there?”

You watched the scene unfold, wariness on both sides making you grit your teeth with unease.

Then your seal tingled. 

You looked at Astarion. He was watching the strangers, but he glanced at you for just a moment. “Tingle?” he mouthed.

You nodded. 

He gripped the hilt of his dagger.

The yells of the people beyond drew your attention back to them, one of them being dragged into the darkness. Preoccupied with the search for one of their own, their attention on your party wavered.

Halsin stepped forward. “It is the shadow curse. He has been taken.”

The woman who had spoken first ignored him. “Yonas? Can you hear me?”

When Yonas burst from the shadows, green glowing eyes and covered in shadows, you knew that he was gone. He was just a corpse, powered by dark magic.

The party leapt into battle, Gale and Shadowheart suddenly appearing on either side of you, throwing spells left and right as they kept you safe.

You pulled out your dagger, wielding it in your shaky grasp, and hoped you wouldn’t need it. Fear of the enemy kept you from moving. Fear of getting in the way of the others kept you from acting. 

When the battle was over, the strangers introduced themselves as Harpers, and told you of a safe area called Last Light Inn. 

Karlach’s eyes lit up. “Harpers? As in the ones who saved Baldur’s Gate all those years ago?”

You looked at her with a questioning look. As you followed the Harpers to this inn, Karlach ended up giving you a run down of certain events in the past that you had only heard of in passing, having grown up north of Neverwinter, far from the moderate climes of Baldur’s Gate. Wyll and Gale would occasionally interject with an additional fact or two.

“And that’s how Jaheira—” 

Karlach suddenly stopped and stared. You followed her line of sight to see a half-elf with braids and severe expression. She looked as if she had seen the world burn and had saved it through sheer grit.

“So… this is Jaheira?” you mumbled.

The conversation between your group and the Harpers had been going on in front of you while you were with Karlach, and you watched as Jaheira’s eyes glowed green. You got a very strong zing to the base of your spine, and you immediately backpedaled as vines grew from the ground and ensnared the rest of your party.

Jaheira gave you a strange look, but continued to address everyone else. With the help of the Harpers the party had saved, and with the surprise vouching from Mol, one of the tiefling kids, Wyll managed to talk her down. In fact, he even convinced her to offer a space behind the main building to set up a campsite. 

While everyone else headed inside the inn, you headed to the site with Scratch and Owly.

To the north of the main building, past a makeshift graveyard and tucked away along the shoreline, was a small area for you and your companions, away from everyone else. It was clear that Jaheira wanted your companions nowhere near everyone else, in case they turned into enemies. All right, that’s a fair assessment, all things considered.

There was a small waterfall that led to a small creek that flowed to the water’s edge, essentially splitting the camping area into two parts. You mentally started to map out where everyone’s tents should go as you looked around. After setting the floating disc down in the central part of the site and unsummoning it per Gale’s instructions, you asked the two animals to guard the packs and traveling chest. 

They seemed to understand, and you could faintly hear Scratch's voice uttering an affirmative sound, though it wasn't quite as intelligible as when you had drunk the speaking with animals potion.

Walking back to the inn through a back door, you saw the tieflings from the Grove and greeted them briefly. You found Astarion standing to one side, holding up the wall as he observed everyone else mingling with the refugees. You joined him, leaning against the wall and giving a shy wave here and there as familiar faces passed by. It appeared to you that Wyll was doing the most talking, flitting about like the most social of butterflies. 

“He certainly has a talented tongue, that man,” Astarion said with what sounded like admiration.

You could only nod in agreement. The Blade of the Frontiers, silver of tongue, sharp of blade. Ever the gentleman, gallant, and when he turned around, well, you had to admit, you didn’t mind watching him walk away. 

With everything that had happened and was still happening, you hadn’t really thought about your growing fondness for, well, everyone. They were all physically pleasant to look at, of course, but that wasn’t what made your heart glow with affection. No, they were all quirky, genuine, strong, brave, and proud. They all felt so real, not like the nobles you had to deal with in Waterdeep.

That’s why your initial impression of Astarion rubbed you the wrong way. Like he had on a disguise, a specious smile, a fallacious front. The fact that he seemed to be so highly guarded had put you on guard too.

But the facade had fallen, the mask had cracked. And even when he put it back on, you could still see a sliver of his real self, hidden away, vulnerable.

You wanted him to feel safe with you. Safe enough that he’d be himself, his true self, around you, and maybe someday, around the others as well. Maybe one day, he’d tell you more of his story. 

Then maybe one day, you’d feel safe enough to tell yours.

Movement close to your legs drew your attention downwards. A hairless cat was walking by, or rather, prowling, as if he was assessing its territory. You slowly slid down the wall so you could look at him.

“Hello there.”

The cat stopped and hissed at you.

What a prima donna. “My apologies, your majesty. I only wished to admire your grace.”

He glared at you, then sat on his haunches and preened haughtily. You didn’t dare reach out to touch him, given his attitude. After a few moments, he licked his paw, gave you one final arrogant look, and wandered off.

“Good day to you too,” you muttered as you stood back up. You glanced at Astarion, who was watching you with an amused smirk on his face.

“So you can be nice.”

“Excuse me? I am nice.”

He raised an eyebrow. “I seem to recall someone purposely leaving my tent cold one night.”

You huffed and turned away from him. 

He chuckled softly.

You returned to observing the room, and one by one, your companions returned to you as they finished making their rounds. Once everyone was back together, Wyll relayed his meeting with a councilor who worked under his father.

“A councilor works for your father?” you asked.

“Oh, right,” Wyll said sheepishly. “My father… is Duke Ravengard.”

Astarion blinked. “That Duke Ravengard, of Baldur’s Gate?”

“Yes, that Duke.”

The conversation continued with you barely following, but you got the gist of it all. The Duke had been kidnapped and was held at Moonrise Towers, along with some of the tieflings and a group of deep gnomes. 

Astarion rolled his eyes. “This is getting to be more and more like a quest to save the world,” he muttered. “I just don't want to turn into a squid.”

Ignoring his grumbling, Halsin added his own request, since he had spoken with a man who lay ill in one of the larger rooms, watched over by the Flaming Fist. When he finished conveying what he knew, he looked each person in the eye, including you. “Please help me save Thaniel.”

Everyone agreed, even Astarion to your surprise, although he looked begrudgingly so. When Halsin looked at you again, you only shrugged. “I can’t do much, but I’ll help where I can.”

Halsin smiled at you. “You can do much more than you think,” he said softly. 

I can only cast a few cantrips. But whatever, he can think what he wants. You smiled back at his kind words anyway.

“I will try to talk to him a bit more, see if we can glean any more information from him,” Halsin said before leaving the group. 

As you gazed around, you caught Astarion suddenly straightening up. You followed his gaze to Mol, who was playing chess with a gaudily dressed man.

Before you could ask, Astarion made a beeline for him. You quickly followed, turning back to the others to see them also following, grim expressions on their faces.

They seem to recognize him too. Who is this man?

Through the conversation, wherein Gale offered some advice so that Mol could win, you gathered that this man, Raphael, was some kind of information broker. His gaze turned towards Astarion, and the base of your spine tingled.

Godsdamn, this has been happening far too much as of late.

“Now, let’s talk about you. I sense there’s something you want to ask me.”

You stayed silent as Astarion talked his way into a deal, and you finally pieced together that Raphael was a devil. Your heart seized in horror, but you had to trust that he knew what he was doing. Astarion was trying to be subtle about his wording, to reveal as little about himself as possible in front of the others. However…

“What scars?” Karlach asked.

You glared at Karlach. Dammit, now isn’t the time for innocent questions!

“You haven’t told them? And you’ve kept your clothes on this whole time? How unlike you.” Raphael’s grin was slick and slimy. “Why not let them see? Don’t be shy.”

With a snap of his fingers, the clothes on Astarion melted away, leaving him exposed in the middle of the room.

“Gods damn it,” Astarion mumbled, a sad resignation in his tone.

Immediately, you stood in front of him, your protective instinct roaring to life. Wyll, Gale, Shadowheart, Karlach, and even Lae'zel followed suit, standing around him and shielding him from any passersby.

Raphael continued with his spiel, but all you could do was glare at the devil until he disappeared in a flash of infernal flame.

You turned to Astarion, taking off your outer shirt and wrapped it around his waist, tying the arms off at his side. At least now his most private bits were hidden. You tried not to brush against his skin, since now your arms and shoulders were exposed, but it was nigh impossible. When your forearm accidentally touched his torso, you realized you didn't need to worry about it; he was shielding again. 

“Well. Now you know,” he said, a slight frown on his face. From his facial expression, you could tell that this wasn't the first time he'd been stripped naked against his will, and it bothered you greatly. 

“We could have helped you,” Wyll said.

“All you had to do was ask,” Karlach added.

Astarion looked around at the others. “I… perhaps I should have. I’m not exactly used to asking for help and being met with, well… help.” He frowned. “But what’s done is done, so how about we stop talking about it and just get on with things?”

He tipped his head, his usual smirk returning to his face. “Although I should probably get dressed first…” He laughed, but you caught a hint of nervousness in his tone.

Spotting a back door, you led him outside along the pathway by the water, past the graveyard, back to where you had dropped off the camping supplies and gear. It also helped that Gale cast a minor illusion and distracted anyone nearby from looking at the two of you leaving. 

When you got back to the campsite, he went for his pack and pulled out his extra set of clothes. You turned around, giving him privacy while you petted Scratch and Owly, thanking them for watching the party's things. Kneeling on the ground, you checked them both for any burrs and debris in their fur. 

Suddenly you felt your shirt being gently draped over your shoulders. Looking up, you caught Astarion's gaze, his attention flickering to your neck for a brief moment. 

“All that delicious exposed skin is too tempting,” he said quietly. “Let's head back before I decide to keep you here to myself.” 

You quickly turned away and put your shirt back on before following him quietly back to the inn. 

Once inside, you noticed that everyone had gathered around Jaheira's table. 

“Ah, the two others of your party are finally here,” Jaheira said, her eyes lingering on you for just a moment longer.

The base of your spine tingled.

Ah shit, what now.

When she offered everyone a drink, you felt an even stronger zap in your back. Holding the cup and staring at the wine, you subtly gave it a sniff.

Oh. I know this herb.

“I can’t drink wine,” you immediately said. “It gives me headaches.”

Astarion glanced at you before putting his drink down. “You know, thank you for the offer, but I’ve been meaning to cut back.”

Lae’zel, Gale, and Shadowheart just held their cups without taking a drink, but Karlach and Wyll drank from theirs. Whether it was to be polite to a legendary hero, or they didn’t pick up on your discomfort, you didn’t know.

The conversation continued, and by the end of it, you knew that the others had been tasked with quite the undertaking. Following them upstairs to see whoever this Isobel person was, you noticed Shadowheart frowning. You touched her arm.

“I’m alright,” she said. “Just… not particularly comfortable getting a blessing from a Selunite.”

You nodded. She must be feeling conflicted, and yet she was still going along with it. The shadow curse, though it affected her less than the others, still affected her nonetheless.

Standing back, everyone let Wyll do most of the talking. Isobel gave everyone the blessing after a bit of discussion. You felt its gentle light surrounding you. Just as you thanked her, you felt a tingling, a strong one. Out of instinct, you reached out and tugged on Astarion’s sleeve.

He immediately looked at you and raised an eyebrow.

“Seal,” you mouthed to him.

He reached for his dagger. 

“While you’re in the towers, I’ll be sure to—” Isobel suddenly stopped talking and looked around. “Wait. Do you hear that? Something’s wrong…”

You started to walk backwards towards the exit as a man with wings landed on the balcony and began to speak. After a heated discussion, the man made an eerie howl. In the distance, you could hear the flapping of wings.

Wyll turned to you. “GO!”

You turned to run out the door, only to stop short at the sight below you. Looking out over the balustrade, you could see winged horrors had invaded the building, flying all over the place. You saw one fly past you, and it took you far too long to realize that it was carrying Mol.

“Mol!”

Taking a step towards it, as if that would have done any good, you suddenly felt yourself being dragged back into the room with Isobel, just as one of the creatures landed nearby, its clawed hand slashing the space where you had been. Seeing Astarion’s white hair in your peripheral vision, you let him pull you towards a wardrobe in the back of the room. He opened it, and shoved you inside. 

“Don’t come out until we get you,” he said before slamming the door shut.

Through the crack, you could see him leaping back into the fray, his dagger making swift work of a creature nearby. Hearing the raised voices, the commotion outside, the fighting… You trembled as you curled into the smallest ball and covered your ears.

I wish I was better at handling this sort of thing. I should be better, given how many times I’ve been in this situation.

You weren’t sure how long it took. Through the crack in the door, you could see the winged man fall, and the others leaving the room, presumably to help the others. You moved your hands away from your ears and listened. 

You could still hear some fighting, but it was muffled and sounded far away. Perhaps I can get out of here?

No. Astarion told you to stay put. So you did. The last time you had disobeyed a direct order when danger was close… Well, you didn’t want to think about that.

The sound of a door opening in the room was almost a relief. Maybe they’re back.

But the cadence of the steps was different. It sounded… strange.

Then you heard a soft hiss, like a creature letting out a breath through its teeth. You stared at the crack in the door, your heart pounding in your chest.

Oh fuck oh fuck

The steps came closer to the door.

Your breath hitched and you held a hand around your mouth, trying to force yourself to breathe slowly and quietly.

Suddenly an eye, undead and glowing infernal red, appeared in the crack of the doors. 

OH FUCK OH FUCK

It pulled back and slashed at the wood, the splinters flying. You pulled out your dagger, ready to fight for your life as it kept hacking away at the doors. It let out a shriek, and made one mighty swipe, tearing one of the doors off its hinges. 

You were face to face with the demon, and all you had was a shitty dagger. 

You had one moment to strike, but a red blur rammed into the demon, taking it across the room. You could hear Karlach’s raging yell, accompanied by the crushing of bones and flesh. You dropped your dagger and put your hands over your ears, curling back into a ball again. 

You felt a presence coming close and opened your eyes. Shadowheart was reaching for you, and you couldn't help yourself. 

You flinched. 

She stopped and looked at you kindly. “It's alright, it's safe now,” she said softly. “Can you stand?” 

You slowly climbed out of the wardrobe, your legs a bit wobbly. “Yes, I'll be alright,” you said, taking a deep breath. 

“Perhaps you'll feel better when you're setting up camp, take your mind off things,” Astarion said. 

“You're going to make her work when she's not feeling well?” Shadowheart snarled at him. 

You touched her shoulder to calm her down. “No, he's right, I'll feel better with something to distract me.” You straightened your back and started walking towards the door, but not before you caught Astarion giving Shadowheart an ‘I told you so’ grin. 

So petty…

As you walked downstairs, you could see everyone helping to clean up the chaos after Marcus and his minions had attacked. You offered to help on your way out the building, and after a few little chores here and there, you eventually made it back to the campsite. 

You were happy to see Scratch and Owly, seemingly unharmed. Getting down on your knees, you hugged them tightly. As if they sensed that you needed some comfort, they nuzzled you, little Owly making cute hoots and chirps while Scratch let out small whimpers of sympathy.

“Thank you, my loves,” you said when you finally felt like you had recharged your morale. Their floofy bodies were perfect for making you feel better. Giving them one last pat, you took off your gloves and began to unpack everyone’s tents and set up the site.

After a few hours, you had finished setting up everyone’s tents, making sure the temperature was just right. You had learned everyone’s preferences and had tweaked your warming cantrip to each person, humming either faster or slower depending on how warm they liked it. Karlach got your special cooling cantrip, of course. Next, you began to set up the campfire circle, collecting rocks and building the circle. Scratch and Owly helped you collect firewood, and with a high pitched little ditty, you snapped your fingers twice. Sparks came from your fingertips, setting the kindling on fire.

Looking at the small flames and the amount of smoke, you realized that the wood wasn’t quite as dry as you had hoped. You glanced back towards the inn in the distance. It seemed like everyone was still busy cleaning up, so there wasn’t much of a chance of anyone coming back here…

Reaching up, you released your hair from its usual loose bun, letting it fall down your back in waves. You ran your hands through your hair, detangling it. You took off your boots and your outer clothes and pulled on your sleeping dress. The soft, thin fabric swished around your legs as you walked up to the campfire circle. The flame had nearly died down to just a feeble ember, trying to sustain itself on the damp wood.

One step back. Then one step to the side. You stared at the fire and began to sing, a slow song as you danced around the firepit.

O flame and fire, come to me

Come and keep me warm

Stay awhile, hear my plea

Be my hearth and home…

Your dress twirled around you as you danced, the cream colored fabric reflecting the soft orange flames that grew steadily each time you completed a circle. When the fire was crackling and large enough to burn without the help of your magic, you finished the song and stopped your dance, letting yourself twirl one last time for fun.

Then you turned around and saw your whole party staring at you.

Gods fucking DAMN IT.

You shyly waved at them. “Erm. How long have you been there?”

“Not long enough,” Wyll said as he walked up to you and held out his hand. “I didn’t know you could dance.”

He looked a bit enchanted, and you immediately felt shy. “I only know dances related to spellcasting. Sorry.”

Wyll's hand dropped, but he still smiled. “That's alright. It was a pleasure to watch.”

“You looked like a goddess!” Karlach said excitedly. 

You just shook your head. “Alright, alright. I need to make the hot water rune. And we need meat for supper, can someone find a non-cursed deer or something?” 

Wyll and Karlach laughed and saluted you as they left to go hunting. The others went to their tents to relax for the night but you noticed Gale giving you another curious look. 

“Gale?” 

He scratched his beard. “About two years ago in Waterdeep, the goddess Eilistraee was seen dancing along the walls of the city, gathering her followers to the city so they could build a shrine to her.” He gestured towards you. “Your dancing reminded me of hers.”

You shrugged. If he was trying to figure out where your skills came from, he was pretty far off. 

“Not even close, am I?”

You shook your head. Why does he keep trying? 

He smiled. “Can't help but guess,” he replied. “Oh well, perhaps another answer will come to me.”

You put your hair back up in a loose bun and prepared other things for the meal in the meantime. You had traded for some flour and sugar in the inn earlier so you could make a cobbler for dessert. Placing it on a makeshift rack high above the campfire to bake slowly, you looked over at Lae'zel, who was practicing her maneuvers. 

No time like the present. 

You headed over to her, a bit anxious about what she would say. 

“Speak,” she commanded without looking at you. 

“Erm, could you“—you pulled out your dagger and laid it in your palms—“teach me how to use this?”

She finally looked over to see your dinky little dagger. Facing you, she picked it up and turned it this way and that, assessing its condition. 

“This is a poor weapon,” she said, “but well maintained.” She handed it back to you, handle first. She put her sword away and pulled her own dagger from her boot. “Watch closely.”

Twenty minutes later and you were partially regretting asking her. She was tough, not telling you how to correct yourself, just showing you her own form for you to figure it out for yourself. Just as she was about to show you how to lunge properly again, Wyll and Karlach came back with a small carton of eggs. 

“That's all?” you asked. 

They explained that the guards said there was no hunting in the area because of the shadow curse. Not a single wild creature was unaffected, and any farm animals had to be brought in carefully. There were some chickens for eggs, one cow for milk, and one ox for pulling carts, and that was about it. So the two of them had done some chores in exchange for some eggs. 

“Oh. Well, I guess I should have thought of that,” you mumbled, taking the eggs from them. “I'll think of something.”

You whipped up a quiche and let it bake in a dutch oven while you returned to Lae'zel to practice some more with your dagger. Wyll came by to comment, and before you knew it, the two of them were debating the pros and cons of offense versus defense. 

Sensing that your quiche was done, you left the two of them to check. 

“Food's on!” 

As everyone ate, they discussed their plans for the next day. With the area being so dangerous, they decided to stay as one big group and do some reconnaissance in Moonrise Towers, southwest of the inn. Hopefully, they'd be able to save the tieflings and gnomes that had been kidnapped. 

You left them to their planning, heading towards the small waterfall nearby. Out of curiosity, you took off your outer shirt and climbed around the rocks. Carefully making your way around the waterfall, you found a small grotto hidden away, a little spot perfect for meditating. 

Or practicing a few spells. No one can see me dance in here. 

It had been a while since you had performed some of the spells you had been taught. You mentally ran through them sometimes, so you wouldn't forget, and you had a notebook filled with diagrams and lyrics, with side notes that you wanted to remember for later. But nothing beats physical practice. 

You stepped through the waterfall this time, and went ahead and cast your hot water rune above head height around the waterfall to create a nice shower. 

Drying off and returning to camp, you realized that Gale had taken your cobbler off the fire and was serving it to the others. 

“You were gone for quite a while,” he commented as he scooped out a portion for you, then himself. “Karlach kept staring at it, and it seemed ready.”

For once, he was being a little modest. He had pulled it out of the fire at the exact correct moment. The cobbler looked perfectly baked, the crust golden brown, the sugar caramelized, the fruit soft and flavorful. You dug in and sighed contentedly. 

“Gods, your cobbler is the best,” Karlach said as she also happily chowed down. “You could open a bakery in the Gate, call it the Dancing Witch Cafe.”

You laughed. “That sounds cute, but food service is not really for me. If anything, I'd open an apothecary.”

“Really?” 

You nodded. “Making potions, growing different herbs and mushrooms, foraging for new plants… That sounds like a dream come true.”

The others began to share their own dreams, and it was quite a lovely chat. Futures imagined, optimism indulged. 

It was a pleasant evening, a balm to all of the darkness that was looming around you, around everyone. You knew they had a hard road to come, and you hoped that just by having a place to return, to rest and recharge, would keep them going through the dark days ahead. 

As everyone went to bed, you washed up the dishes, and cleaned and mended clothes. Quietly tiptoeing along, you set each person's stack in front of their tents before returning to your own bedroll by the campfire. 

Staring at your pillow, you noticed a shiny new dagger, smaller in size, polished and sharpened. You picked it up and noticed it fit your grip much better than your older one, and it was much lighter as well. You tried a few swings with it, just to test the grip, and you found it much easier to adjust. Just as you were about to lunge forward again, Astarion suddenly appeared, his dagger deflecting yours easily, the high pitched clink echoing in the silence. 

He smirked. “You need to be more aware, darling.” 

You sighed. “I know.” As you were about to drop your arm, he gripped your forearm, keeping you in place. His hand was slightly cool, and you could sense some fondness through his touch. Slowly, he stepped closer to you, sheathing his dagger, his gaze meeting yours. He changed his grip on your arm as he stepped behind you, wrapping himself around you. His other hand enclosed yours as he adjusted your grip on your new dagger. 

“This one is smaller, better to hold it like this.”

You relaxed your arms, letting him mold you like clay as he nudged and pulled you to the right position. Tucking your hair behind your ear, he murmured soft commands. 

“Imagine the enemy in front of you. You want to take him out as swiftly as possible, since you don't have much strength.”

His lips were so close that you could feel them move against your ear. 

You took a deep breath and stepped out of his grasp, doing what he told you to do. Moving as he directed, aiming where he told you to aim. He moved in front of you and held up his knife. 

“Now, attack me.”

You frowned. 

“Come now, darling. Do you honestly think you have a chance of landing a hit on me?” 

You frowned harder, but he had a good point. Maneuvering your feet to be in a balanced, solid position, you lunged. 

He dodged easily and tripped you, but grabbed your arm before you fell on your face. 

“Come at me like you actually want to hurt me,” he said as he pulled you back up. “Right now you're just like a helpless little animal.”

You sighed as you stepped out of his grasp and turned to look at him. “I don't think…” I don't think I'm cut out for this. 

He tipped his head, then in a sudden flash of movement, he grabbed your neck and pulled you close, his grip only tight enough to keep you in place, not to choke. His other hand grabbed your wrist, his thumb pushing on the inside of your wrist, forcing you to drop your dagger. 

You didn’t sense any malice in his touch, only frustration. You could fully empathize; you were frustrated with yourself as well.

“It doesn't matter what you think, kitten,” he growled. “The enemy is going to take advantage of every opening you give them.”

You swallowed. “I… I know that.”

“I don't think you do.”

You glared.

He glared back.

You finally relented and closed your eyes. “I know,” you whispered. “I’m weak, I can’t fight, I’m just a liability.”

The grip on your neck loosened slightly. You barely noticed, your thoughts spiraling ever downward.

“I don’t know why you all keep me around. At some point, all the benefits I offer will be outweighed by the fact that you have to slow down your travels because of me.”

His hand moved from your neck to your shoulder. “Look at me.”

You looked up at him. He seemed blurry. Ah fuck, I didn’t want to cry in front of him again.

“If we wanted you gone, we would have already dismissed you.” Astarion looked infinitely uncomfortable as he patted your shoulder awkwardly. “Now stop crying. I don’t like having salt on my sweet treat.”

Through your tears, you let out a soft huff of amusement. 

“Besides”—he cleared his throat—”I’ve grown accustomed to having you around.”

You blinked and looked at him. His head was turned to one side, but he glanced back for a moment before looking away again, as if he was too embarrassed to maintain eye contact after such a confession.

He finally let go of your shoulder. “Right. Well. I think we’ve had a long enough day.” He stepped back. “You should get some rest.”

Grateful for the excuse to get some time alone, you nodded and went to your bedroll, but not before retrieving the dagger from where you had dropped it. You turned your head to look at him, but he was already starting to walk away. “Thank you for the gift,” you called after him.

He shrugged. “Don’t look at me. I wouldn’t know where it came from.”

But you caught a hint of a smile on his face.

Liar.

----------------------

Act II, Chapter 1 End notes: Here we go into the Shadow Cursed Lands, and we’re already a quarter of the way through, I think? I don’t think the rest of the chapters will be this long, but I couldn’t find a good stopping point, and also I was hedging my bets about posting next week, since I’ll be out of town with the fam, and I sure as hell don’t want to be caught writing fanfic in front of them, haha. So there may or may not be a chapter next week, but hopefully this extra large chapter will hold y’all over until then. Thank you for your continued reading of my story, I hope you all have a great end of the year!

Tag List: @numblytemporary @xalphafox @avitute

[art-of-mathematics]

I started to craft a visualization model for a Pascal"s 4-simplex.

Now I need to insert the 12 triangle disks. (I need to puzzle them into each other like a kind of interwebbing. )

I will describe this model and the math of it once I have finished it.

[ataurusinabookshop]

Apple pie from Magic Strikes by Ilona Andrews

Ingredients

For the Crust:

▢ 2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

▢ 1 1/2 teaspoons salt

▢ 1/2 cup unsalted butter cold, cubed

▢ 1/2 cup shortening cold, cubed

▢ 6-8 tablespoons ice water

For the Filling:

▢ 8 cups apples I like ginger gold or granny smith, peeled, cored, sliced 1/4 inch thick

▢ 2 tablespoon lemon juice

▢ 3/4 cup granulated sugar

▢ 3 tablespoon all-purpose flour

▢ 1 teaspoon cinnamon

▢ 1/4 teaspoon nutmeg

▢ 1/4 teaspoon ground ginger

For the Topping:

▢ egg wash

▢ coarse sugar

Instructions

For the dough:

Mix the flour and salt together. Use a pastry cutter or forks to cut in the butter and shortening until mixture resembles pea-sized crumbs. Add the water one tablespoon at a time, stirring between each until dough starts to come together.

Press dough together, divide in two and then shape into a thick disks and wrap in plastic wrap. Refrigerate 30-60 minutes or up to 3 days.

For the Filling:

In a large bowl, mix the apple slices with lemon juice and the sugar, flour, and spices together. Place in the fridge for 30 minutes.

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees with a rack in the lower third of the oven.

For Assembling:

Roll out one dough disc (leave the other one in the fridge) on a lightly floured surface into a 12-inch circle and transfer to a pie plate.

Place the apples in the dough, discarding the liquid in the bowl.

Roll out the remaining dough into a 12-inch circle. Place on top of the apples. Trim excess dough (if desired), pinch the edges of the dough together, and roll it under itself. Flute the edges. Make 5-6 slits in the top of the pie to allow steam to escape.

Brush the top of the pie with the egg wash and sprinkle with coarse sugar. Bake for 45-55 minutes until golden. Place a pie shield on the pie after 25 minutes to prevent edges from getting too browned.

Let pie cool on a wire rack. It takes 2-4 hours for pie filling to set. Store leftovers in

[kanohirren]

How to Make Grian in DnD

Welcome to my first guide on making Life SMP members into DnD 5e characters!

I’ll go level by level and explain the reasoning behind my decisions and how I think it fits them in character. This build assumes starting at level 8 but includes notes on differences if you start at level 1 and progress to 8. Keep in mind that this isn’t intended as a guide on how to play dnd, just how to build this character. I also don't explain every feature but I may briefly touch on it and explain my reasoning for taking it.

Class: Fighter 6 (Eldritch Knight)/Cleric 2 (War Domain)

Race: Aarakocra* (can be humanised)

Base Ability Scores: (uses Tasha's Cauldron of Everything rule that allows for reallocating racial stat bonuses)

Str 10 (+0)

Dex 15 (+2) +2 from race = 17 (+3)

Con 13 (+1) +1 from race = 14 (+2)

Int 10 (+0)

Wis 13 (+1)

Cha 12 (+1)

Background: Courtier

Grian is a well-rounded character with no clear weaknesses but a couple of fields he excels at. He’s good at almost all aspects of the game whether it be combat, social interactions or even just survival. I gave him the Fighter/Cleric multiclass because I felt like it would be an interesting build and made him a dexterity-based fighter because Aarakocra cant fly with any armour other than light armour.

Before moving on to classes, let’s go over the race and background features.

Aarakocra race*:

Flight**: Flying speed equal to walk speed, only works with light or no armour.

Talons: Your unarmed attacks do more damage. Not super good because this is a dex build.

Wind Caller: At lvl 3 you can cast Gust of Wind. A cool spell, find some fun situations to use it in.

*The Aarakocra version used here is the nerfed version from “Mordekainnen Presents: Monsters of the Multiverse”.

**If having a flying speed is a problem, a compromise I usually default to is only letting flying speed let you move vertically during your turn, but you cannot end your turn in mid-air or you fall.

Courtier background:

Skill Proficiencies: Insight, Persuasion

Court Functionary: You are good at hearing things about important people, as you are one of them. Perfect for if you want to start wars.

At 1st lvl, we start with a level in Fighter. This grants us:

Proficiency in heavy, medium, and light armour, shields

Proficiency in simple and martial weapons

Proficiency in Strength and Constitution saving throws.

Skill Proficiencies: Take Survival and Athletics.

Fighting Style: Choose Duelling if you want to use a sword mostly. Archery is fine too if you want to use a bow.

Second Wind: Bonus action healing. Nice to have.

As a dex build, Grian will be using light armour and finesse or ranged weapons mostly. Ideal weapon would be a rapier and a longbow. The Courtier background involves knowing what’s happening amongst a group of interest, much like how Grian is involved with many major Minecrafters

At 2nd lvl, we take a second level in Fighter, which grants us:

Action Surge: Have a second action in one round once per short rest. Good early for having another attack and scales very well.

At 3rd lvl, we take a third level in Fighter, which grants us:

Subclass: Eldritch Knight

Eldritch Knight grants:

Weapon Bond: Find a shiny weapon? It’s yours now and no one else can have it!

Two Cantrips: Mage Hand (lots of trickery you can do with this) and Blade Ward (in case taking damage is inevitable)

Three 1st lvl spells: Magic Missile (just in case), Shield (good defensive spell) and Fog Cloud (cause lots of chaos and confusion)

As Grian’s Intelligence stat hasn’t been prioritised, I chose spells that don’t involve any rolls so that it’s not really a problem. He’ll get more chaotic use out of the cleric spells that we get later.

At 4th lvl, we take a fourth level in Fighter, which grants us:

Ability Score Improvement OR Feat. Take the Ability Score Improvement and +1 your Dex up to 18 (+4) and your Wisdom up to 14 (+2).

One more spell: Take Tenser’s Floating disk (Take people’s doors and stack them on the disk and then run away without being weighed down)

The dex is always important, improves your stealth so you’re less likely to be caught placing tnt and the wisdom helps your perception but more importantly helps after becoming a cleric.

At 5th lvl, we take a fifth level in Fighter, which grants us:

Extra Attack: More damage output!

With this fifth level in Fighter, we hit the important damage power spike. Now we can get to the more chaotic side of Grian.

At 6th lvl, we multiclass into Cleric, which grants us:

Three Cantrips: Take Guidance (good spell), Thaumaturgy (fun spell) and Spare the Dying (mainly for Scar)

1st lvl spells: As a prepared caster, Clerics can swap out their spells after a long rest. My suggested default spells are: Bless, Sanctuary and Ceremony (get that marriage buff).

Subclass: War Domain

War Domain grants:

Extra Prepared Spells: Divine Favor and Shield of Faith

Bonus Proficiencies: Martial Weapons and Heavy Armour. Both redundant because we started Fighter.

War Priest: Another attack as a bonus action with number of uses scaling with Wisdom. Goes well with being a fighter.

Ready to start a war? Cleric and this subclass especially makes Grian extra ready to start a war and fight his way to victory. As a Cleric, Grian of course worships the mighty Boatem Pole!

At 7th lvl, we take a second level in Cleric, which grants us:

Channel Divinity: Turn Undead. Good for all the zombies and skeletons that keep spawning around you.

Channel Divinity: Guided Strike. Give yourself a +10 to an attack roll once per long rest. Really good if you just desperately need to land a hit.

One more prepared spell: Command (Need a war started? Just point at a button and tell someone else to “Press”!)

At 8th lvl, we take a sixth level in Fighter, which grants us:

Ability Score Improvement OR Feat: Take the ASI to bring your dex from 18 (+4) to 20 (+5)

Maxed out dex is good. Alternatively, you could bump your wisdom up to 16 instead if you want stronger spells.

Summary:

Final stats:

Str 10 (+0)

Dex 20 (+5)

Con 14 (+2)

Int 10 (+0)

Wis 14 (+2)

Cha 12 (+1)

Two Attacks as an action, a third as a bonus action (limited uses)

Rapier (if Duelling was chosen): +5 (dex) +3 (prof. bonus) = +8 to hit. 1d8 + 5 (dex) + 2 (duelling) piercing dmg.

Longbow (if Archery was chosen): +5 (dex) +3 (prof. bonus) +2 (archery) = +10 to hit. 1d8 + 5 piercing.

And that’s it for Grian! I hope this build captures the chaotic nature of Grian while also maintaining his prowess a just about everything. If you have any feedback or questions, I’d love to read them! ^^

Next will be Scar!