#do it yourself thing. so i assume that duty will basically be the moment im forced to pull back and go Alright Isaac. We're Done

[isaacathom]

i think the more time that passes between now and my friends and i watching hb duty increases the likelihood that i do, in fact, write that au fic for the end of retribution

[mischievousmoony]

𝚜𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚝𝚞𝚊𝚛𝚢 𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚘𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚜' ⟡ 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝟸

⟢ james potter x black!reader (fem)

⟢ summary: after your parents cross the line, you and your older brother sirius find sanctuary at the potters'. however, things don’t go so smoothly at first . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ 3.6k

⟢ warnings/tags: abusive parents, james’ clothes are described as baggy on the reader, siblings fighting, fluff then angst

⟢ part 1 ⟡ part 2 ⟡ part 3 ⟡ masterlist

note: my writing's so rustyyyy the dialogue is so off but im so done editing. and this is gonna need a few more parts, i keep getting carried away.

The Potters' house was very different from yours. It was the first thing you noticed when you woke up. Back home, it felt like Grimmauld Place existed under a perpetual storm cloud. Here, sunshine cannot be escaped. The curtains were drawn closed, but light still filtered in from both sides, almost pleading for them to be opened so that it might do its duty of brightening the house.

Another thing you noticed were birds, who sang pretty songs from right outside your window. You can't remember ever hearing any birds outside your home, and there were plenty of trees for them to nest in. In fact, you started to believe that the aura of your house scared all living things away. Realistically, it was probably all of the yelling and screaming.

As you lie in an unfamiliar room and think of all the reasons why you preferred it over your own, three gentle knocks beat on your door. They sounded different than James' quick staccato, and nerves bubbled in your stomach because you couldn't guess who was on the other side.

You took a deep breath, told yourself that you didn’t have to be so on edge here, and called for the person to come in as you sat up. The knock pattern automatically filed itself away in your brain as belonging to Mrs. Potter. She walked in, carrying a silver tea tray.

"Good morning, dear. Sleep well?" She greeted you as she made her way to your bedside.

"Yes, Ma'am." You said politely.

"Oh, please call me Effie," she insisted as she placed the tray on the bedside table and moved to draw open your curtains. You imagined the sunshine saying thank you for finally letting it in.

“I’ve brought up some tea for you. I wasn't sure how you liked it, alas..." Effie waved her hand over the tray.

The tray had the basics: a teapot, sugar, and a small milk pitcher. However, Effie had also laid out various tea bags for you to choose from, along with some warm biscuits.

“Thank you,” you said in awe as you stared at the display. It was a simple tea setting, really, but the thoughtfulness still had you feeling choked up.

"I spoke with James this morning. May I?" Effie gestured to the edge of your bed, and you welcomed her to sit. "He woke Monty and me up at the crack of dawn, insisting that we let you and your brother stay permanently. Even had tears in his eyes. I tell you, that boy has his father’s big heart."

"Anywho, I nearly tossed a pillow at him for waking me up so early, as if I’d even consider an alternative! But I got to thinking, if James felt like we needed convincing, then we better make sure you and Sirius don’t feel any unease either.”

Effie reached for your hands that lay folded in your lap. “So,” she paused a moment to allow you the chance to shoo her off before placing her hand over yours. “I felt it was important to tell you personally that you are welcomed in this home and this family, assuming you’ll have us, for as long as you need us. That sounds like a good deal to you?”

You bit back tears, “Yea- yes. I think that sounds lovely.”

Effie smiled and squeezed your hands, “Can I give you a hug, dear?”

“Yes, please.” you croaked.

Effie wrapped her arms around you, and you let a few tears loose while she couldn’t see you, wiping them away with your thumb as soon as they appeared. The hug felt warm and unfamiliar, and you wondered if there was a time that your parents ever hugged you like this. If they did, you didn’t remember it.

From behind Effie’s back, you watched James waltz over through your blurry vision. He became distracted by the surprise that the bedroom door was already opened, eyeing it before anything else in the room as he leaned against the doorframe.

“Good morning, sunsh- Mum! You’re in here!”

Effie pulled back from you and craned her neck to look over her shoulder at her son, who was standing up as straight as a board in the doorway. She raised an eyebrow at him, sensing his sudden weirdness.

“I was just welcoming Y/N to our home, like we discussed. Are you alright, dear?” Effie tilted her head.

“‘m splendid, Mum.” James said it with a goofy smile, rocking back and forth on his heels.

She drew her eyebrows together and said, "Lovely, James. What can we do for you?"

"Me? Do for me?" James' eyes widened.

Effie shook her head, perplexed by her son’s reaction.

"I'm wondering what brings you here, James?"

"Ah. I was just in the area," James said, doing a poor job at acting casual. "Y'know, the upstairs... area. Uh, so I thought I'd say good morning... Good morning!"

You thought that this must be the kind of thing people face palm over.

“Hm,” Effie squinted at her son, studying him for a moment before deciding to worry about whatever that was later. She turned back towards you, “Anywho, this is your room now, so I hope it's to your liking. We can see about changing these sheets and painting the walls however you’d like-”

“It’s perfect!” You interrupted, looking bashful for doing so, but Effie didn't seem to mind.

“Well, feel free to customize it any other way. Any posters?” Effie offered.

"I didn't have time to grab that sort of thing,” you admitted, and immediately felt stupid for doing so. Effie clearly just wanted you to feel at home, and you felt like you were being a downer.

But if it phased Effie, she didn’t show it.

"Well then, that means we get to go buy some new ones, yeah?"

She gave your hands a final squeeze before standing up, saying, “I better let you wake up and enjoy the tea,” and walking towards the hall.

Effie affectionately patted James on the cheek as she passed him.

“Have you had breakfast, dear?”

“Mum!” James shrank away from her, his face growing hot. “I will in a minute!”

She tsked at him, gave his cheek one last pinch, and made her way out of the room. James hung from the doorframe into the hall to watch her go. When she was out of sight, he dipped into your room and shut the door silently behind him.

James' back pressed against the closed door as he shot you a toothy grin.

"Good morning, sunshine," he repeated.

You can't help but giggle at him while saying, "Good morning, Jamie."

As he walked over you, his smile slightly faded as a hint of sadness crept onto his face when he noticed your teary eyes.

One thing you loved about James was that he never resorted to any of those hollow phrases like "don't cry" or "stay strong" when he tried to make you feel better. Instead, he always concocted the perfect cure for the situation. Today, it was goofiness and a lot of kisses.

James made a big show of acting innocent as he approached. He whistled some tune and looked anywhere but you before he suddenly dived at you, embracing your waist with a gentle yet decisive sweep of his arms. He flung his body into the mattress, dragging you down with him. You yelped and chided him through laughter.

When you landed, you were tangled awkwardly—your body twisted so that your torso was on top of his, but his legs were draped over yours. James' arms were still wrapped tightly around your waist, keeping you trapped as he peppered kisses on your face. He kissed your cheeks and the corner of your eyes, then your eyelids, effectively kissing away any stray tears.

You were a fit of giggles by the time his lips reached the tip of your nose. Next up, he dipped his head to kiss each side of your mouth before finally capturing your lips with his. You giggled through the feathery kisses he pressed on your lips, and he couldn't help but follow in your footsteps as he smiled against you.

Soon, laughter overtook you both. Yet you remained close, with your noses brushing against each other and your foreheads pressed together, as your happy laughter filled the room.

Eventually, James' laughter began to die down. He removed one of his hands from your waist to help brush your hair back into place, it having gotten disheveled from his attack.

You settled down as well, letting the touch of his fingertips in your hair calm you. He took notice and continued running his fingers through your hair, even after it was all brushed out of your face.

For a peaceful moment, you gazed into his eyes, which were filled with admiration and mirrored your own. James watched as a glint of mischief suddenly sparkled in your eyes.

"So," you voiced.

"Mhm," he hummed.

"You've clearly never tried to hide something from your mum before."

"Why would I 'ave had to hide something from my mum before?" James pouted, briefly bringing your giggles back. "Only reason I haven't gushed to her about my beautiful girlfriend," James gave your waist a squeeze, "is 'coz she would have qualms with me lying to a friend."

"Oh, so I guess we better go tell Sirius then, yeah? I wouldn't want to make you lie to your dear mum, I like her." You teased, amused by James' eyes widening nervously.

You've talked about telling your brothers before, but it's something neither of you were quite ready for—you were too fond of the blissfulness you found in the privacy of your relationship.

"Er, I don't particularly feel like getting socked in the face today." James said.

"Oh, come on. You think he'd react that badly?" You carried on.

"I think Sirius punching me would be a mild reaction for him." James grimaced, "He'll probably hex me into the next century. And I get chills thinking about what would happen if Regulus were to find out. Oh, I'd be a dead man. Or he'd put an irreversible curse on my bloodline. It's a tossup, really."

Your smile faltered at the mention of your twin brother, suddenly remembering your situation. You let yourself get distracted by the warm welcome from Effie and James' affection. How could you lay here happily while Regulus is still stuck at that house?

Your expression suddenly grew very solemn as you began squirming out of James' grip. "Where's Sirius?" you asked.

James seemed to choke on his own spit. "Uh, pardon? You're not really planning on telling him today?” Despite his protest, James loosened his grip, not wanting to keep you somewhere you didn’t want to be. “At least let me put my Quidditch gear on, I might need the protective padding."

You had tunnel vision the moment Regulus’ name was mentioned, but you realized what James was saying by the time he mentioned protective padding.

“Not that, James. I need to find out about Reg.”

His mouth formed an O shape as you stood at the foot of the bed with your hands on your hips.

“So do you know where he is?”

“Uh, eating breakfast probably,” James guessed, “in the dining room.”

You stared at him expectantly and after a while of him not moving, you huffed, “I don’t know where that is, James!”

“Right!” James scrambled up from the bed so he could lead you through the house. You could’ve found it if you wandered long enough, but the Potters’ house was fairly large, and you wanted to talk to Sirius as soon as possible.

By the time James had led you to the kitchen, you could see Sirius in the next room over through the open archway. You pushed past James at once.

Sirius was alone at the head of the table, various platters of breakfast food surrounding him. The kitchen was hot when you passed through it, so one of James’ parents must have just been cooking, but they were nowhere to be seen now. Sirius was shoveling some sausage onto his plate when he saw you.

“Sirius,” you said sternly as your hands returned to your hips.

“Look who’s finally up!” Your brother cheered, “Just in time to eat.” He gestured at the seat next to him.

James appeared at your side, and said, “Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Maybe you should have some before you-”

“Where is Regulus?” You interrupted, ignoring James altogether.

James’ utterance of “Yeah, didn’t think so” was lost on your ears.

With a scowl on his face, Sirius turned his attention away from his meal. His eyes scanned over you, and his scowl twisted into an amused expression. “Nice outfit!” he snorted.

You looked down briefly to see yourself drowning in James’ clothes. Being much taller than you, James' sweats pooled at your ankles. You rolled your eyes.

“Stop it, Sirius. Where is our brother?”

Sirius squinted at you. You thought he was finally going to give you answers when he decisively opened his mouth, but instead, “You should sit and eat. James is right, breakfast is the most-”

“Sirius!” You raised your voice, your hands molding into fists as your arms dropped to your sides.

Sirius threw his fork down with a clatter, “What do you want me to say?”

“I want you to tell me why he’s not here with us.” Your pleading voice cracked as you begged your brother for answers, stepping closer to him.

Sirius had a stormy, faraway look in his eyes, as if recalling something poignant. “The only one who can answer that question is him, so you’re out of luck,” he said bitterly.

The simmering anger in your chest started to bubble, rising up to your throat until you were spitting words that you would later regret. “You left him there!” you accused.

“Excuse me?” Sirius sent a deadly stare your way as he slowly pushed his chair back and stood up.

“Woah,” James tried to interrupt, moving to stand between you two, “Maybe we wanna take a moment and-”

You stepped around James, and his remaining words were drowned out by your raised voice: “I said you left him there. He’s not here because of you.”

“You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about!” Sirius bellowed, growing more irritated with you.

“Then why not enlighten me, Sirius!?”

“He chose to stay!" he disclosed. "Alright? I know you think so highly of your favorite brother, but he chose that place!”

“That’s ridiculous,” you scoffed, crossing your arms and looking away.

You ignored Sirius' choice words of "favorite brother." You weren't going to let yourself get distracted by that conversation, which you've had a countless number of times already. Sirius was sensitive to the fact that Regulus was your twin brother, and Sirius would always just be your brother, no matter how many times you told him that you loved them the same.

“I told him to pack, just like you, and he said no. I told him he had to and he refused," Sirius said vindictively.

“Then you should’ve tried harder!" You snapped, spewing words you didn't mean, "Now he’s there alone. He would’ve come if you would've just tried harder, I know it. This is all your fault!”

Sirius reeled back as if you had punched him in the gut. For a moment, he looked hurt, but then anger overwhelmed him. “How could you say that? You weren’t even there!”

“Because you never let me be! I stayed in my room, like you said to, and was out of my mind with worry. Next thing I know, we’re leaving and Regulus isn’t, and that feeling hasn’t gone away because I have no idea how he is. You should’ve grabbed him and dragged him along! You should’ve-“

“Why is everything my fault!? Why is it what I should’ve done!? You don’t even know what he did!” Sirius' nostrils flared with rage.

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about how your dear Reggie isn’t as good as you think he is," he sneered. "If you only saw him…”

“I don’t care what he did, he’s our brother!" You shouted, "He should be here. It doesn’t matter!”

Sirius slammed his hand on the table, “IT DOESN’T MATTER!?” he screamed, causing you to jump back. Tears immediately began welling in your eyes. No matter what you did, when you were being yelled at, you started crying. You weren't like your brothers, who could hold stone-cold, emotionless expressions despite whatever was swirling within. It was one of the reasons your brothers did what they could to keep your parents away from you—to Walburga and Orion, emotion was weakness.

Your tears didn't phase Sirius like they normally would have. He was too furious. “You want to know what he did?" he asked harshly. "He watched. He watched our parents torture me, and then he just walked away!"

“What did you want him to do?” you cried, “He- he was probably scared,” you hiccuped, “you- you should’ve-“

“I shouldn’t have done anything, goddammit! She crucio’d me! THAT’S what he watched our mother do. THAT’S what he let me deal with alone. I was on the ground unable to get up for damn near thirty minutes, and he knew it!"

Sirius nearly doubled over, grabbing the table in front of him for balance so hard that his knuckles blanched. All of the yelling gave him a head rush, but he wouldn't relent, "So don’t you tell me that I should’ve tried harder. That I should’ve grabbed him. He doesn’t care about me, so why should I care about him?”

Your hand clasped over your mouth as you sobbed. Your parents were cruel, but the Cruciatus Curse? You couldn’t fathom it. Your mouth suddenly felt dry, and bile bubbled up in your throat as you recalled Sirius’ scream from the night before.

Neither of you seemed to have anything else to say. You both just stood before each other in your most vulnerable states. It was a miserable sight—you crying your eyes out and Sirius looking sick as a dog.

Neither of you had noticed James leave until he returned. His parents followed closely behind.

"Snitch," Sirius choked out, glaring at his best friend as a fit of coughs hit him, his throat strained from the yelling. He ducked his head down and screwed his eyes shut suddenly, like the light in the room was starting to bother his head.

James didn't seem to care what Sirius thought of him. He was too busy being concerned for you both. Besides, James didn't really snitch. You two were being so loud that his parents were already on their way. He happened to run into them in their pursuit.

"What's going on?" Effie's gentle voice rang through the room, "We could hear yelling from the other side of the house."

Even though James' mum was being stern, she didn't sound angry or upset. Her voice only carried notes of concern and motherly authority.

Neither you nor Sirius answered her, too busy crying and coughing. Both of you would've probably been too sheepish to answer, anyway.

James' parents shared a look with each other, deciding what to do about the situation through eye contact alone.

Fleamont spoke with a firm voice, "Alright, son, we ought to get you up to your room. I think it'd be best for you to lie down." Fleamont clasped a hand on Sirius' shoulder. Your brother let Fleamont assist him in the walk to his room.

Euphemia moved to comfort you, but James stopped her. "Wait, let me."

She raised her eyebrows at her son, skeptical of the idea that her young son was equipped to handle this situation. But James had already started reaching for you, and like a moth to a flame, you melted into his arms the moment you felt his fingertips graze your skin.

Effie's eyes darted between you and her son, settling on him when her features melded into a look of understanding. A million questions raced through her mind. How long had this been going on? Why didn't James tell her? Did James tell Sirius? But the one thing she knew for sure was that you found comfort in James, and comfort was the one thing you needed right now.

She took a deep breath and decided to trust her son. "We'll talk about this later. I'm going to check on Sirius."

"Thanks, Mum." James let out a relieved breath.

"Just... behave."

"Mum!" James blushed, his hands swiftly traveling up to cover your ears with his palms.

"Oh, I didn't mean it like that!" Effie waved a hand in the air as she followed in the direction of Fleamont and Sirius.

James noticed your shoulders had started shaking intensely.

“Lovey,” he cooed. He moved his hands to cup your face, tilting it up to look at him. He was surprised to find that the reason for your shuddering shoulders was not because you had started crying harder. You were still crying, but it was mixed with a bit of laughter.

"I guess neither of us are very good at hiding things,” you said, thinking of how you jumped into his arms right in front of his mother.

James shook his head, a single chuckle escaping from his lips.

“Guess not.”

Your moment of humor quickly passed, your eyes turning sad again as more tears spilled out.

James sighed, brushing away your tears with his thumb before pulling you close to his chest. He rubbed soothing circles on your back, pressed kisses to the top of your head, and whispered professions of love and sweet words in your ear while he let you cry. Sometimes, he knew you just needed to let it all out.

Eventually, you let James’ touch and loving words relax you. When your crying was reduced to a sniffle, James veered back so that you could see his face.

“Let’s go on a walk.”

[the-daily-dreamer]

Hi, I found your blog recently and I agree with a lot of what you say. I was team black initially but I’ve been leaning more towards the greens now because they have better and more interesting characters at the moment. I wanted to say that, although I like Rhaenyra, I think her decision to leave for Dragonstone was… stupid.

Like, I know she did it because people were calling the boys bastards but there were other things she could have done. Because like, when she left, Viserys health was already not the greatest and everyone could see that, so when he eventually couldn’t perform his duties as king, if she stayed, that would have been the perfect opportunity to rule in his stead. She would be learning how to ACTUALLY rule, gain more allies, and when Viserys eventually died, I think the servants would have warmed her ASAP.

If she was an active figure at court, doing all the ruling, I doubt most of the lords would have bent the knee to Aegon like they did in episode 9. Also, she should have sent the boys to be wards to other lords. Send Jace to lord Baratheon, so that when you need, you have him on your side, and Luke to in Driftmark, because you so desperately want him to be Lord of the Tides than damn, he should be knowing how to do stuff with the navy and all. I think ultimately, her leaving for Dragonstone is what made so easy for team Green to get the throne so easily, considering they were the ones actually ruling for the past years.

Hindsight is a gift, but if you want to rule a realm, you should at least consider all the possibilities of every single thing you do. And with the way Rhaenyra was raised, I’m not impressed that she wasn’t able to think so far ahead.

Like my dad tells me when im driving, you have to look out for yourself but also pay attention and think ahead, so you avoid accidents. Also sorry for the long ask and for any mistakes, English is not my first language

Hard agree!!

While I may have my own personal qualms with Rhaenyra and who she is as a person, her number one flaw is her complete and total political incompetence.

She had the perfect opportunity to begin leading and ensuring her claim was safe. Instead she left her home and basically handed the throne to team green.

As you said, she should’ve stayed in KL and ruled as her father got ill. Instead she left and let Otto and Alicent run the show. Obviously people will defect towards the Greens. They’ve been the ones ruling for years. Rhaenyra was absolutely foolish to assume people would support her on the basis that she’s special when she has done absolutely nothing to secure her claim or rule her people.

[itsdanii]

I really love your “rejecting and regretting” drabbles and I would love to request one with Suna and Iwaizumi please

Rejecting you and regretting it pt. 3

hey, bub. thanks for requesting! im so glad you're liking my works ♥️ was supposed to post this yesterday but i had an appointment with my psychologist so sorry for the slight delay. that being said, here's your request for iwaizumi and suna. i hope you like it♥️

genre: slight angst to fluff, slight crack

warnings: cursing, rude behavior (resolved), please do message me if i forgot any

ft. suna rintaro, oikawa!reader x iwaizumi hajime

title says it all.

Suna Rintaro

out of all the inarizaki boys, suna rintaro was the one who managed to pique your interest

at first, you thought that he was the most quiet amongst the group but the longer you stayed as a manager, the more you realized how wrong you were

In fact, suna is one of the most talkative, along with the miya twins

you even felt bad sometimes for kita for having to discipline the three as if they were his own kids

one day, you suddenly realized that you were falling for the middle blocker

you knew that it was not a good practice to fall for someone in a team you manage but it's not like you can control who you fall for, right?

and so, you made a decision to confess to him

"Oi, y/n! What's that yer holding?"

You squeaked upon being called by Atsumu and quickly hid the cake you were holding behind your back. Smiling awkwardly, you made your way to him and placed the cake on top of the table.

It was currently lunch time and as a usual routine, you, Osamu, Atsumu and Rin were meeting at your spot just near the gym to eat.

"Can you atleast lower your voice? The moment the others see this cake, it'll be gone in a snap of a finger," you scolded at him.

"Cake? What's it for?" As if a light suddenly appeared on top of Atsumu's head, he took the box and opened it with sparkling eyes. "Looks good!"

"No, wait!"

Your lips parted as you watched him take the fork that you put inside and sliced a piece for himself. He even let out a small moan of satisfaction as the taste of the cake filled his mouth.

"That...was for Rin," you said with a tiny voice, making Atsumu raise an eyebrow at you.

"Suna? Why are ya givin' him a cake?" Noticing the way you failed to answer, a grin started forming on Atsumu's lips as the realization came into him. "Holy shit, ya like him!"

"Like who?"

You and Atsumu both froze at the sound of Suna's voice. Swallowing the lump forming in your throat, you slowly turned around to face Suna who was now frowning at you.

"Rin-chan..." you said slowly.

Suna and Osamu both took their seats, Osamu sitting beside Atsumu and Suna sitting beside you.

"Y/n likes someone?" Osamu asked and took the fork to taste the cake you made, his face lightening up as it somehow reached his standards.

Being the goofy one, Atsumu nodded with a grin. He spared Suna a quick glance before wiggling his eyebrows at you playfully. "Mhm. The one they like is actually a part of the volleyball team. Any guess, Rin-chan?"

Despite the nervousness you're feeling, you managed to roll your eyes at Atsumu as he tried imitating the way you call Suna.

Suna just shrugged his shoulders, looking almost unbothered if not for the fact that he was gripping his chopsticks a little too tightly. "Don't know, don't care."

You felt your confidence drop a little at his lack of enthusiasm. "Aren't you even just a bit curious?" you asked, hoping to get a reaction out of him.

"No, why would I be? It's not like it's any of my business. You can like whoever you want to like. It's not like I give a damn about it," Suna simply answered.

The small hope inside you that you gathered throughout the whole week just to confess completely vanished, replaced with doubt and sudden insecurity. The way he said those words seemed as if he doesn't care about you at all and the fact that he said it in front of the twins made it even worse. You felt humiliated.

You glanced at Atsumu for help and the setter just sighed before sliding the box of the now half eaten cake to Suna. "Didn't have to be so rude 'bout it, Rin. Taste the cake. Maybe it'll change yer mind and make ya realize how dense ya are."

Suna just glared at him and took a bite, his eyes darting towards your figure. "Were you supposed to give this cake to the person you like?"

Seeing you nod, Suna rolled his eyes. "I don't think it's a good idea. It tastes like shit, I'm sure the guy would reject you the moment he takes a bite."

Your heart dropped at what he said. Not only did he say that your cooking was bad but also rejected you without saying it directly. The moment you felt your eyes tearing up, you immediately stood up and left the table, ignoring the continues yells of a certain miya.

Suna stared at your back before frowning at Atsumu. "What's up their ass? I just said it didn't taste good is all. They didn't have to be sensitive." Contrary to his words, Suna grabbed the fork and continued eating the cake.

"They made the cake for ya, dumbass," Atsumu answered and stood up, quickly grabbing his things before leaving to follow you.

Suna froze upon realizing what Atsumu meant. Eyes darting towards Osamu, he muttered a small curse before gripping his hair in frustration. "Samu..."

Not even waiting for what Suna wanted to say, Osamu shook his head no with a displeased look. "Ya fucked up big time. Sorry but I can't help ya with this one."

-

Suna was on his own.

No matter how much he tried convincing the twins to help him, neither of them agreed. He didn't know how to approach you after what happened. You basically ignored him even during practices, only doing your duties and talking to him when instructed by Kita.

Several days went on yet you were still ignoring him, and to say that Suna was getting fed up was an understatement. Not only were you ignoring him but you were also spending too much time with Atsumu.

Sure, he was aware that you two are bestfriends, but that doesn't mean that it wouldn't turn into something more. After all, Atsumu was a likeable guy. It wouldn't be impossible for you to fall in love with someone like him.

And so, the moment Suna saw Atsumu almost kissing your cheek, he snapped.

With fast strides, he went over to your direction and pulled you away from your bestfriend who only shrugged his shoulders and went on his way as if nothing happened.

Suna stopped when you reached an empty classroom and he immediately shut the door behind him for privacy. "I'm sorry for being rude to you last time," he started.

"You weren't only rude to me, ya know?" you said and averted your gaze from him. "You also rejected me. I know that I haven't directly confessed to you yet but it still hurt. I just assumed that maybe I had a chance since we were close with each other. I'm sorry for-"

"Please, don't," Suna said to cut you off. He stepped closer to you and placed his hands on your shoulders, regret visible on his face. "Don't apologize for liking me."

"But Rin..."

"I don't want you to take it back. I like you too, y/n. So please..." Suna dropped his arms to his sides and rested his forehead on your shoulder before muttering, "Please don't ignore me anymore. I promise I'll love you the way you deserve."

You felt yourself soften at his words and despite how much what he said last time hurt you, you knew that deep inside, your heart belongs to him. You brought your hand up to run your fingertips over Suna's hair before nodding. "I won't ignore you anymore, Rin. You know why?"

He lifted his head up to look at you hopefully. "Because you like me?"

"You guessed right."

The moment you said those words, Suna immediately placed his hand on your jaw, angling your head up to him. "And I like you too."

Not able to hold himself back anymore, Suna leaned down and pressed his lips against yours, your eyes closing as you savored the feeling of finally kissing the man you like.

Iwaizumi Hajime

Iwaizumi is your brother's bestfriend

The first time you saw him was when you were in first grade, him and Tooru being a year older than you

Despite the small age gap, you still grew close with him as most of your time, you spent with Haji watching random movies and playing volleyball

When you entered high school, you only became closer to them

He protected you from bullies and those people who only wanted to use you in order to get closer to your brother

At first, you didn't notice that you were falling for him, thinking that you were just attached to him after being by his side for such a long time

But when you realized that your gazes lingered on him longer, your mind started wondering the feeling of his hand holding yours, and the way your heart fluttered everytime he was close, you knew that you've fallen for him deep

It was a Friday night, both you and Tooru were dressed in your pajamas as you waited in your room for Iwaizumi to finish making the popcorn.

Today, you all scheduled a movie night since this was the only time the three of you are free. Being a third year and a volleyball player at the same time was hard on both your brother and Iwaizumi's time and often times, you had to cancel due to them having an early practice.

Luckily for you, it seemed that their coach finally had mercy and decided to give them a weekend break.

You, on the other hand, had lots of free time in your hand since your workload isn't as heavy as theirs which is why you were always the one who adjusted when it comes to the schedule of your movie marathon night.

"Iwa-chan, gimme the one with more popcorn!" Tooru immediately said as soon as Iwaizumi stepped inside your room, balancing two bowls of popcorn in his hold.

You rolled your eyes at your brother and stood up to help Iwaizumi, purposely showing your brother how you took the one with more popcorn in it. "Sucker," you said, sticking your tongue out at him.

Iwaizumi sighed at your attitude and plopped down beside you which made your heart flutter as always.

When the movie started, you noticed how much the two were so focused on the screen. You felt a little guilty since you were basically the one who suggested the movie yet you were the one who isn't paying attention.

How can you even focus if your crush is literally sitting beside you on your bed?

You could even smell him by how close he is beside you. You were, after all, crushed in between him and your brother, a blanket covering the three of you as you squished yourselves in your bed.

As the movie went on, you felt your eyelids getting heavier. You let out a small yawn and rubbed your eyes, the sound of the people talking on the screen making you feel drowsy instead of stopping you from sleeping.

Iwaizumi, who had noticed the way your head was swaying from side to side, gently took the half empty bowl of popcorn from your hold and wiped your fingers with a baby wipe. He then carefully guided your head to rest on his shoulder before refocusing his attention on the movie.

When you woke up, the room was silent. The television was already turned off and the lamp was already turned on. You looked beside you and noticed that the spaces beside your bed were already empty, reminding you that you must've fallen asleep and Iwaizumi and Tooru must've transfered to their rooms already.

Feeling your throat demanding for some water, you slid off your bed and made your way towards the kitchen. As you grabbed the glass, you almost dropped it upon seeing a reflection of a man behind you.

"You scared me," you whispered into the quietness as you came face to face with your brother's bestfriend.

He chuckled and ruffled your hair before grabbing himself his own glass, eyes staring at you as he downed the water within seconds. "Sorry. I didn't expect you to wake up since you always sleep like a log," he said with a grin.

You lightly smacked his chest, your cheeks heating up as you felt his hard muscles, no doubt the results of playing his sport.

A small growl coming from your stomach suddenly disturbed the silence, Iwaizumi's laugh immediately booming throughout the kitchen as you blushed in embarrassment. "Shut up. I only ate popcorn, you know?"

Shaking his head with a small smile, Iwaizumi pointed at the stool before saying, "Go sit. I'll whip you up something to eat."

You immediately obliged and couldn't stop yourself from smiling as you admired his back while he cooked. "Neh, Haji," you called out.

"Hm?" he hummed, throwing a quick glance at you.

"Do you like someone?"

You knew that asking such question was bold of you, especially when neither of you totally expected it. You didn't even know how the words managed to get out of your lips. All you knew was that if there was a perfect time to confess, it would be now.

After all, with your brother enjoying his time in dream land, nobody would disturb the both of you. It was serene, and you hoped that the outcome would be just as serene as the moment.

"Where's this coming from? Is this your way of trying to confess to me?" Iwaizumi said with a chuckle.

"And what if it is? What are you going to do?" You bit your lower lip anxiously as you waited for his reply.

But instead of embracing you and confessing his feelings too just like you expected, you were greeted with the seriousness of Iwaizumi when he spun around. He walked over to you and and placed the freshly cooked Omirice infront of you.

"Then I'd have to reject you," he answered simply, his voice sounding as if the topic wasn't up for any discussion.

"Why? Is it because I'm Tooru's sibling?" You frowned at him and crossed your arms over your chest. "You know that wouldn't change anything if you date me, right? You'd still be Tooru's bestfriend."

"I already said I'd reject you. That's it, end of discussion." With that, he turned his back on you and made his way out of the kitchen.

But before he can even completely walk out on you, you grabbed his wrist to stop him. "But I like you, Haji. I always have.." You voice seemed tiny all of a sudden and your grip on his wrist tightened instinctively when you felt him removing your grip easily with his free hand.

"I'm sorry but I don't like you, y/n. Now, let go and stop with your delusions because no matter what you do, I'll never like you."

You felt your heart shatter at those words, tears quickly streaming down your cheeks as you watched him walk away, leaving you all alone in the now empty kitchen.

Guess you don't always get what you want, huh?

The rest of the weekend, you did your best avoiding Iwaizumi to make sure that you don't make him uncomfortable. You made sure to stay cooped up in your room until you were certain that Iwaizumi had already left. Heck, you even rejected your brother's offer when he asked if you wanted to go meet up with rest of the boys at the mall.

You knew that Tooru wasn't unaware that something happened since you've never rejected any offer when it comes to shopping. But even if he did, he sure stayed quiet about it and gave you space which you were thankful for.

A week rolled by and Iwaizumi was starting to get antsy. His spikes were not as good and his movements were too sloppy to the point that their coach had to sub him out during one of their practice games.

As he sat on the bench, his mind went back to the time he rejected you. Back then, he was sure that he did the right decision. He was a third year and you were only in your second year. Not only would it seem that he was after some kid, he would also look like an asshole who only befriended Oikawa for his sibling.

But that was before.

Now, he wasn't so sure anymore. He missed your affection towards him and the way you cared for him. He missed how you often visit their practice and give him first his water bottle instead of Tooru. He missed your playful banter and the way you irritate him by simply joining forces with your brother.

Fuck, he missed you.

And the way he only realized it now made it even worse.

Iwaizumi ran his fingers through his hair out of frustration, and when he saw someone handling him a water bottle, he instantly lifted his head up expecting to see you. Except it wasn't you, it was Tooru.

He mumbled a small "Thanks," before sighing evidently, making Tooru raise a questioning eyebrow at him.

"Just what happend between you and y/n?"

Seeing the panic on Iwaizumi's expression, Tooru just rolled his eyes. "Don't even try denying it, Iwa-chan. I'm not that stupid, you know? Y/n's basically isolating themselves inside their room as if they're scared that you might visit anytime and you.. your play sucks that even Makki and Matsun noticed it."

"Didn't have to remind me," Iwaizumi grunted.

"Hmm," Tooru pressed a finger to his chin as if he was thinking, eyes slightly widening as he remembered something. "Is it because they finally confessed to you?"

"How did you-"

"Oh it's simple! I heard my dearest sibling practicing their confession several times before you came last Saturday. I didn't expect them to confess that early though. The confession sounded too plain for my liking," Tooru said with a hum.

Iwaizumi could only look at him with parted lips. How come Tooru seemed unbothered by the thought of you confessing? Wasn't he supposed to act like a protective brother?

Noticing the way Iwaizumi was staring at him, Tooru pouted. "What're you looking at, Iwa-chan? You're not thinking of dating me instead, are you?"

"Dumbass. I'm thinking why you seem too relaxed at the idea of your sibling confessing to me," Iwaizumi said, hitting the back of Tooru's head.

"Eh? Why? Did you expect me to go apeshit on you?" Tooru chuckled. "Don't worry Iwa-chan, I completely approve of you dating them! Just don't try to hurt their feelings or I'll be mad for sure!"

"But I already rejected them." Iwaizumi groaned and rested his head against his palm out of frustration.

Tooru, who seemed to gain sympathy at his partner, patted his back and said, "Then we'll just have to do something about it, don't we?"

-

When you arrived home, the house was eerily quite. The lights were all off making you furrow your eyebrows in confusion. You knew how much Tooru hated coming home with the lights off so you always made sure to leave it on in case you arrive later than him.

"Tooru?" you called out as you switched the lights on. You surveyed the whole living room and kitchen but your brother was nowhere to be found.

Shrugging your shoulders, you went up to your room and almost screamed at the sight of a man sitting on top of your bed, a bouquet of flowers in hand along with a bunny stuffed toy.

"Why do you always have to scare the shit out of me? I swear one of these days, I'll die of heart attack because of you," you scolded as you closed the door behind you. You discarded your bag on the couch and stood in front of Iwaizumi with your arms crossed over your chest. "What's all this about?"

Scratching the back of his head, Iwaizumi spared a quick glance at your wardrobe before sighing. "They're um... They're for you." He handed you the flowers and the bunny, eyes watching you warily as you smelled the pink roses.

You weren't unaware of what was happening. You always witness these kinds of things but since you were still hurt about what he said, you decided that you wouldn't give in to him that easily.

"Thank you," you answered dryly before placing the roses on top of your study desk.

Iwaizumi cannot help but panic because of this. Have you already decided that you no longer like him? What if you already got yourself a boyfriend? His thoughts started running wild inside his head and it was only when you touched his shoulder that he was brought back to the reality.

"Sorry...I," Iwaizumi fisted his hands on his sides before continuing. "I'm sorry for hurting your feelings, y/n. I didn't want to reject you. I actually like you but I got scared. I mean, you're Oikawa Y/n, my bestfriend's sibling. I didn't want you to think that I was only friends with your brother because I like you. In the end, I hurt you and god knows how stupid I am for doing such thing."

By this time, Iwaizumi's eyes were closed, afraid of looking at your reaction. He was even biting his lips and if not for the seriousness of the moment, you would've took a picture of his adorableness.

"I guess an apologizing Haji, is a cute Haji," you said with a smile making his eyes open.

"Shut up," he said shyly with the tips of his ears turning red. "I'm being serious, you know?"

"And I'm being serious as well. I'm not kidding when I said you're being cute right now," you said, continuing to tease him.

"Y/n."

You giggled at the warning in his tone. "Alright, alright. 'm sorry." You took his hand in yours and gave it a small squeeze before lifting your gaze up to him, all signs of goofiness now vanishing from your face and replaced with honesty and admiration. "I like you too, Haji. I still do."

"Shit." Iwaizumi smiled and wrapped his arms around your waist, his strong arms lifting you off the ground out of happiness.

You squealed as you were lifted and you encircled your arms around his neck to cling to him.

"Gosh, Iwa-chan! My sister said she likes you too and the first thing you say is shit?!" Tooru said as he revealed his presence, his hand rubbing his back at the ache for staying too long in the cramped closet.

You gave Iwaizumi a few taps on his back which he immediately understood. He placed you down and grinned as he watched you taking your brother out of your room by pulling at his ear.

"Ouch, y/n-chan! Iwa-chan, help me!"

Iwaizumi just chuckled as the door infront of him slammed shut, the shouts of Tooru as you hit him bringing a sense of satisfaction to Iwaizumi.

likes, comments and reblogs are appreciated ♥️

[attemptinghaikyuu]

Did you seriously run away after that?

A/n: had a dream the other night and this was basically it, I changed I few things around, though it still has the same ending~

G/n reader

—————————

Karasuna was coming for a practice match, the first of the year. A new chance to see the crows suppossed growth.

It would also be a chance for you to see Noya.

Not that it was a good thing. Seeing him. He was annoying with all that confidence. You desperately wanted to wipe that smug look off of his face. It’s like he didn’t realize that losing was a possibility. What he should’ve realized was that you had an over abundance of attitude directed right at him.

This practice match had to end with aoba josai as the victors, or you’d have to deal with his gloating. Luckily, you had faith in your team, they were strong and at the least would never go down without a fight.

Your excitement only built as school got out and you made your way to the club where you would begin the day’s managerial duties. Time went by fast and before you knew it, a bus had pulled up with Karasuna’s volleyball team.

Jell spiked hair and a cocky grin came into view all too soon.

Noya’s eyes narrowed on you as soon as he entered the gym. With a bright grin, that made you feel the slightest bit sick, he ran up to you waving.

“Hey! You ready to lose pumpkin?”

Willing away the feeling in your stomach, you answered him with a confident smile of your own.

“Nah thunder, I’m looking forward to seeing our team crush you though.”

The nicknames the two of you had for each other raised a few brows from a couple of your team’s members… mainly the first years who weren’t yet accustomed to these sorts of interactions. They weren’t unusual and so they’d all get used to it pretty quickly.

It had started off as intense mocking when you first met, the nicknames coming naturally. However, the tone in which you used them for had definitely changed.

More friendly, you thought. And a friend-ish sort of rivalry is what you had.

Leaving with a final promise that he wouldn’t lose to your team, Noya walked away, giving you a few moments to shake your head and head back to your team.

A grueling match followed. And to the disappointment of NOT you, Aoba won.

Maybe you felt a little bad that Noya had such an obvious disadvantage, going up against your superior school and all. But he had still done his best.

..and his best was really good…..

To take your mind off your confusing thoughts, you decide to go refill water bottles, seeing as how the team had drained them all. Water bottles in hand you throw a glance behind you, and to your heart’s unease, Noya’s eyes meet yours with a sharp intensity that has you rushing out the doors.

You just figure the team really needs to stay hydrated! That’s why you’re feeling this way!! Totally!

With a fervor all too intense for water bottle filling, you try to push his eyes out of your head.

…but why was he looking at you like that?!!?

His look has left you feeling slightly irritated and you don’t get why. You don’t even realize you’ve overfilled a bottle till you feel someones grip on your hand, pulling it away from the running water, causing you to look up.

Noya’s eyes are just as intense now. You start to stutter a response but he interrupts before you can even begin to form a coherent sentence.

“Next time,” He’s leaning close. “Next time we’ll win and you won’t be looking down on us forever.”

Your daze is broken for the first time since he’s grabbed your hand. He’s even closer and inching forward still, and now your meeting his intense gaze with a sharp look of your own as you reply back.

“I don’t look down at you. And I won’t be surprised if you beat us, you’re an incredible player and with you on Karasuna’s side, I know it can happen.” You’re a little closer to one another.

“It won’t be easy though, we’ll still fight to beat you.”

Looking down on Noya is an extremely hard to do thing (not in the literal sense.. obviously…). With his determined gaze and sharp smile on you now, it’s without a doubt something you know would be impossible.

“It better not be easy.”

Rolling your eyes at that, you’re about to respond with a snarky comment, when something hits your lips.

You had momentarily forgotten the distance between the two of you. But now that there was nothing in between, it was hard to think of anything other then the distinct lack of distance.

It’s heated and you can’t really believe what’s happening. But you’re kissing Karasuna’s libero.

You. Are kissing. Noya.

And you like it.

The mash of Noya and your lips together doesn’t last long. Wide eyes staring at you, Noya’s confidence has apparently vanished after the shared, heated intimacy.

Time slows and you both stare at each other. You with a growing realization and Noya seemingly with a panic that could rival their tiny, blonde manager who’s name you can’t place.

Taking a step back, he turns and starts sprinting.

Yachi, your mind supply’s, the short manager is Yachi… and then you’re running after him.

He’s fast and you almost lose him at a couple corner turns, but your adrenaline keeps you going. The rush of emotions you’re experiencing have you yelling, anything to get him to stop.

“NOYA, IF YOU DON’T STOP I SWEAR-

He doesn’t, and running past both of your bewildered teams, who hear you shouting that Noya better stop moving after doing that, you make it out the doors where he’s making his way toward a fence. You assume he’s going to climb it and with a boost of speed, fueled purely on the need to cuss him out for running away from you, you manage to grab his hand. Leading to a collision that has you rolling on top of him. Grabbing his arms and firmly shoving them to the ground, you move your face closer to an unusually, scared Noya.

“SORRY!” He’s wiggling to get out, but you just press down firmer to keep him from squirming his way out from under you.

“I’m really sorry, please don’t kill me, I know you don’t have the heart to do it! At the very least you don’t have an alibi, you should get one of those first and then-

“Noya, fucking shut it!” You’re tired and you so desperately need to catch your breath, despite that you use your next to tell him what you need to say.

“I didn’t hate it! It was nice and I liked it. What I didn’t like, was having to chase you down just so I could do this.”

Letting go of one of his hands, you move to cup his cheek and with a meaningful gaze directed at his frozen face, you kiss him.

It lasts longer then the previous one. And while it’s not as heated, you definitely enjoy this one more. You’re pretty sure Noya does too, seeing as how he’s kissing you with an intensity that was so him.

Neither of you were probably going to stop if it wasn’t for the loud coughing from behind you. Breaking apart with heaving chests, you turn to see Karasuna and Aoba Josahi all staring with varying levels of shock.

Oikawa is the one coughing. He’s giving you a glare that you can see means traitor and you can already hear the whining about what you just did.

Tanaka is the one to break Karasuna’s silence as he starts whooping.

“Yeah!! Noya you go!”

With a few uncomfortable stares from some of the less loud team members, you finally come to the conclusion that you should move yourself off of Noya and stand up. Pulling an eager Noya with you, who refuses to let go of your hand, you send your team a sheepish smile. Oikawa answers that smile with what you would describe as a bitter bitch attitude.

“Now I know our manager, our incredibly loyal manager, did not just have a make out session with a dirty crow.”

You clear your throat and answer your captain truthfully.

“Your loyal manager, who would never betray you, didn’t just make out with a crow. Your unfaithful manager on the other hand, just made out with a cute crow from our rival school… and I’m also asking him out.”

Turning to face the crow in question, you shift between your feet with way too much nervousness for a person who’d just tackled and kissed their crush in front of a whole crowd of people. Clearing your throat you try to ask Noya if he’d like to go on a date with you.

“Alright, Nishinoya, would you-

“YES! LETS DATE! IM DATING YOU NOW!! WE’RE DATING!”

He’s pulling you in for a tight hug that leaves you slightly gasping for breath. That might just be from the kissing though.

This day did not turn out like you expected. You were glad it didn’t, ending the day with a win like this was more than you could’ve hoped for.

Your smile grows as you and Noya overhear Oikawa’s mutters.

“Unfaithful manager is right! I don’t even wanna drink any of your contaminated water, it probably has your crow boyfriend’s germs all over it..”

[haikyuu-appreciation-club]

pls pls pls can I have cuddle sessions h/cs with Kuroo and Bokuto 🥺 gender neutral y/n plssss. Have a wonderful day bb!! Ly no homo <3

ahhh mel, of course you can (ﾉ´ з `)ノ

as soon as I read this I was sooooo excited to write it afdwtgfsdgw

I think we all need some cuddle hcs with these dorks

i don’t really know how i feel about these buuuut i hope you enjoy them none the less

and hehe ilyt  (˘∀˘)/(^‿^)

• Cuddle Sessions w/ Bokuto + Kuroo •

warnings: none

genre: fluff

characters: bokuto + kuroo

•Bokuto•

bokuto had always been a sucker for cuddles

so it didn’t come as a surprise when you felt a hopeful gaze fall upon your resting stature not long after you arrive at his house

you usually came over after school to give your boyfriend some much needed company while he finished his schoolwork

if you weren’t there, something would usually end up destracting him and he would never get his work done

you were basically there to monitor him as well as use this as an excuse to spend time together

you peered up from your cellphone and quirked an eyebrow at bokuto’s puppy eyes,

“What is it ko? Did you need help with a question?”

he shook his head as he took a few steps closer to you

you had to surpress a laugh at his antics, knowing full well he did this same routine everytime he wanted to cuddle with you,

“Oh? Then what do you need?”

“Um, maybe some cuddles?”

you smiled and shook your head

bokuto wasn’t supposed to get any affection from you until he finished his work, that was the plan you and akaashi came up with when you told him you’d take over “babysitting duties” after class

not receiving hugs and kisses from you was the only thing that had him rushing to get the task at hand completed

but it was becoming very hard to deny the pout forming on bo’s sweet face

“Are you done with all of your assignments?”

“Well, no, but this will definitely give me motivation to finish!”

you studied his face for a moment longer before letting out a soft sigh and scooting to the side, signaling for bokuto to join you

his face lit up with joy as he practically bounced over to join you on the bed

bokuto loved to cuddle with you, it didn’t matter where, when, or how

but his favorite cuddle position had to be the one he had placed himself in now

he took refuge laying on top of you, lower body in between your legs as he rested his head on your chest

his arms curled around you as he snuggled into you, gaining more of your warmth

you laugh as you felt his nose tickle your chest, your fingers subconsciously reaching up to run through his soft locks

he sighed in content as you released the tension from his scalp

the two of you stayed like that for quite a while, bokuto often whispering words of love and affection into your chest as you continued the rhythmic movement through his hair

that continued until your ears were filled with soft snores, bokuto’s body falling limp against your own

you knew you would get an earful the next day for letting bo slack on his schoolwork but in that moment you didn’t care

all that mattered was the person right infront of you, and the all love that he gave you every single day

•Kuroo•

your boyfriend rarely got sick but you knew when he did, he always got too ill to properly take care of himself

sure, he would try his best to fufill his daily tasks, even going as far as attempting to attend practice

but he always felt too awful to even leave his bedroom, ultimately flopping back into his bed in defeat

so here you were, standing outside kuroo’s door holding a bag full of soup, tissues, and medicine as you waited patiently to be let inside

after a few moments of what you assumed was kuroo attempting to drag himself out of bed, you heard the rustle of blankets and slow footsteps as a raspy voice met your ears,

“im coming, im coming”

a few seconds later, the lock shifted and the door swung open

kuroo looked absolutely miserable

his cheeks were flushed and the area right under his nose had become raw from the amount of times he had swiped at it with a tissue

his eyes sported dark circles underneath them and he shook every few seconds due to the chills that racked his body

not to mention he looked absolutely exhausted

you placed the back of your hand on his forehead before flipping it around to cup his cheek, the contact causing you to quickly retreat your hand due to the severe heat of his skin on yours

“Hey Tetsu, how’re you feeling?”

kuroo didn’t give you an answer

instead he took the bag you had been carrying from your hand and placed it on the floor next to the door, being careful not to spill anything

you gave him a confused look as he turned back to you with a small grin on his pale face

the next thing you knew you were flipped up and over his shoulder and being hauled off to his bedroom

you let out a string of protests but he ignored them all, plopping you down on his bed as he crawled over to join you

you automatically maneuvered yourself into kuroo’s favorite cuddling position, figuring it was easier to go along with what you knew he wanted rather then argue with the sick man

you flipped over so you were lying towards him, head resting on his chest as you arm draped across his midsection

he wrapped an arm around your shoulders and pulled you closer to him before placing a soft kiss on the top of your head

although you were burning up from the sheer heat of his body and you would probably be a spitting image of your boyfriend within the next few days, you couldn’t care less

the soft rise and fall of his chest, signaling his comfort at last, was enough to bring you peace

besides, whenever his cold passed to you, you knew he would be jumping at the chance to care for you the way you cared for him

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

[shadowedtalks]

Medieval Times Part 8

Kaiser squinted at her when he spotted the glowing light off the fur of the white fox that strutted along the wall. "What is a fox like that doing here?" he said to himself watching it as it took note of his gaze as he was captured by the striking green that where there eyes. Most foxes’ eyes were black, and around here they were orange and red in fur color not this brilliant white. Looking at this creature he could tell it was not a normal fox. He heard a gentle whisper of what sounded like his name then it jumped down off the wall and virtually vanished into the shade on this side of the wall. “Fox?” he whispered having heard that tone of voice before from the Fox guard waiting here. He would run into her from time to time while keeping his distance just to see what she would do, mostly just sleep in an oak tree, an she would mutter softly to herself or sigh, so he knew her silence was a choice. But it would be ridiculous to say that the fox guard was an actual fox, that would make them not even human… or perhaps a human with powers and that was her manifestation of them. If that was the case then the Fox guard here was the real deal because being able to change into other animals would make half of the rumors about that fighter much more plausible. “Another trip over the wall?” he asked despite knowing he wouldn’t get a response as well as knowing that she would return to her quarters without incident so he didn't react to much more to her presence this time.

Cardinal took a breath as she stretched out along her assigned cot looking up at the ceiling above her. Once she slipped away, she took back her normal form and returned to her bed in the chambers of visiting staff from the guests upstairs. The numbers were beginning to dwindle down as many were beginning to return home. But not yet for her and her lord they had a few more weeks to go before discussion of departure would begin. Summits really dragged for those in the lower court like where her lord was. He was basically the bottom on the list of importance. Come morning with a deep dread she returned to her lord. Able to fallow him for the day for just a casual day of talk.

She stuck near him on a wall keeping as low as a profile as possible.

After being with him the full day she was chased off in the evening hours. Extremely thankful to not have to suffer yet another night at his hands she always felt so off after each request for her to stay. An wished more that the lady and young son of the house was able to attend events like this. With them around he never called for personal punishments and her immediate order became to stick to the young son like glue an keep him safe an out of trouble. She liked him, he was well behaved and he liked her as well even if she couldn’t play with him like he wanted some days.

With a bit of mindless wandering in the twilight she ended holding up in a small space along the south wall’s greenery. She pulled her legs up into her chest wrapping around them with her arms seeming to become even smaller an going off into one of the darker corners of her mind. "Perhaps I should put an end it all here...".

The evening moved with little to no pace this time, as it seemed round by round the path he walked seemed to be wore down into the gravel more and more, but of course as of late it didn’t last long, Kaiser sighed and turned his attention towards the southern wall. He had heard talking. No response was given, so it was one person. Talking to themselves at a time like this. This person must be contemplating some rash decision.

Kaiser walked towards the area where he heard the voice originate from with a torch in hand. It took a few minutes of light searching where he Eventually came up to the hiding spot, he stood in front of her a slightly agitated look on his face. "Care to explain why you are in the madam's flower bushes, trying to steal a bushel for yourself?" He didn't reach for his sword as others might have. Though he should've, he doesn't want to turn a simple situation into a fight or hunt for this particular one.

Her gaze lifted at the voice seeing him before her again then looked back down at her pathetic stance all wrapped up around itself. 'Really? Steal some flowers? Does it look like I care about stupid flowers right now? There aren’t even any blooms.' She grumbled mentally but shook her head no to his question. Looking up she gave a soft smile to herself and spoke softly. "I was hiding an I was thinking of ways I could die..." she looked to the bush on her left side. "If I was trying to take some of the flowers would that get me killed?" She asked in response to him asking if she was stealing then returning her gaze to him again. Talking aloud. Let others hear her voice, let them spread rumors. That's a good start to her decline. She mused softly waiting looking at him but not moving from her balled up placement in the greenery of the shrubbery.

"No. It would make the madam upset. She would've rather you asked if you wanted a flower." Takin in Her posture at the moment while they spoke and her lack of reaction. She felt and looked rather vulnerable it seemed. Kaiser crouched down to be on her level. "I'm on the only guard on patrol duty at the moment... why would you come to the conclusion you would be killed over some flowers? My lord is fair. He would have you plant another." A subject’s reaction to the possibility of breaking a law or a rule of the castle tells a lot of the one that governs them. "Why don't you come with me to the guard quarters? We'll get you some food and drink and let you return to your quarters for the evening."

She took a moment before answering his first question. "Because even if its fixable by planting another bush at the lord’s instance. My lord would be terribly embarrassed and that is never a good thing if it comes to my punishments." She let out a deep sigh. So much for others over hearing her. The guard quarters would definitely get the job done but she has a sneaking suspicion that they would be incredibly tight lipped about her visit. She hadn't even heard rumors about her visit to Kaiser in the quarters last time. So, she gave an answer to his offer.

"Im not allowed to interact with others without my lord telling me too." She explained shifting just slightly. "Food and drink are a big no as well if I haven't been given the okay. I can't take anyone else’s portions... they will need it more then I. You have seen all I do.... I wander, I sleep, and I fallow my lord. I don't burn much energy." She gave a soft pathetic laugh with a sigh. Still looking at him from that spot. Things were okay till another appeared knelling next to Kaiser.

"So that's the way it is for you... then is it safe to assume that on random nights you’re the voice many hear calling out in pain from the guest quarters?" The man seemed to be a General or a lead guard. His attire similar yet different from Kaisers. She shrugged.

"I don’t know. That is for you to solve, this isn’t my home, and it doesn’t bother my lord." She said bluntly and with no hesitation either not making it any easier to guess if it was her or not.

The other guard gave an exasperated sigh. "I should have expected you to say something like that... you are a difficult one to fallow on these grounds when you’re not glued to your lords’ side. Basically, a ghost, you do live up to your name for sure, and that makes my job no easier." He seemed to ramble a bit and patted Kaisers shoulder as she gave a small shrug with a sigh. Tightening up in a ball more an putting her head down into her knees and with her hood up effectively hiding her head. The other guard looked to Kaiser.

"Maybe you can get them to open up to you... our Lord is rather tense due to their presence here and of the reputation that precedes them... he asked me to keep eyes on them, but with them slipping away from me easily, and the strange noises stirring up the house staff our lord is not very comfortable. Im glad I can tell him something to ease his mind now." He explained looking up to the sky as the evening truly set in. "I’ll let you decide if they are trust worthy, you appear able to find them much easier than I can keep up with them. Best of luck Kaiser, but don't forget your own duty and patrolling tonight." He said as he got up and walked off, he wouldn't actually inform anyone of what happened having decided to keep it to himself due to the state they were in at the moment with how they acted and spoke before he made himself known to both parties. With the fox contemplating how to die, telling his lord any of this would cause his lord to confront their lord about it, and in turn possibly set them off after the fox, and with no fighting spirit they would give in and just perish if their lord just didn’t out right kill them.

Once far enough away she picked up her head, though hidden from view she had a sickening smile on her lips, but just for a moment. "If he will tell your lord... your lord will confront mine... if he does, my death ticket has been sealed." She let out a pitiful laugh and looked up to the sky. "Perhaps by the full moon in one day." She didn't know why she couldn't get out of this dark mind set. Why she couldn't get out of her head right now, she normally could but for now something was just sticking it to the forefront of her mind. And it was driving darker emotions, but she knew one thing, she was strongly craving the freedom of a run with no limits... the regular calling she felt, that got stronger the fuller the moon was. And with evening falling on the eve of a full moon she could truly feel that calling and sighed thankful for something to pull her out of the dark side of her mind.

[lavellanlove]

Ship-A-Thon

I was tagged by @thereluctantinquisitor, @saphyremelodies, and @empresstress13​ (which makes sense, given the ships lol) I am so late to this party that idk who to tag im SORRY. Please tag yourself for me if u wanna and I’ll be grateful <3 

1. First ship you ever wrote fic for: Solavellan. My feelings about how DAI resolved were what drew me to this hellsite. It took a while for me to actually start writing outright, but I’m assuming it would have been content for them. (Don’t know that I’d consider any of it ship fic, though.)

2. Ship you write the most now: Mostly OC x OC ships atm, since those characters can grow dynamically, I have a collaborator, and they aren’t so played out. Hanavira (Avira x @thereluctantinquisitor​’s Hanin Lavellan) To summarize the novels worth of content, they’re distant clanmates who came together to solve the unjust massacre of their clan with Armor and Secrets and Ducklings (ie. the Dawn Squad). Despite their very different approaches, they clear up old misunderstandings, find their ideals and worldviews are much the same, and learn that when they manage to open up to one another, their complementary strengths have the capacity to make each other better.

Thelvira (Avira x @saphyremelodies​ Thelrand Lavellan) He was one of the first people to the scene when she was found near death on the outskirts of clan territory. She was one of the few people who could go toe-to-toe with him in an argument and come out unscathed. And though he may have been cocky and controlling at times, he was always there to get Avira out of whatever trouble she got herself (and Sylathi) into. Perhaps more than anyone, he knew Avira for her true self, before the Inquisition shaped her into what she is, and she was able to cut through the charisma and affirm his inherent worth, expectations be damned. Even though he ultimately chose to end things, that emotional mooring only grew more precious to her as time passed.

3. Ship you read the most now: I don’t know! I haven’t been reading much lately, so it’s pretty much just whatever my mutuals are posting at the moment.

4. Newest ship: Malrus!!! (Maleus x @thereluctantinquisitor​‘s Cyrus). Worst ship name ever, but it stuck because we reap what we sow. They had this bonding moment in a recent bit of RP, and I came away feeling like they would both be good for each other, given how surprisingly deeply they were able to connect over their pasts and reassure each other. Excited to see where this goes/if it goes.

5. Rare ship you wanna read more of:

@lechatrouge673​‘s Thea (nee Trevelyan) x Loghain Mac Tir. I’ll admit, I was never even a Loghain fan until I read her work.

@szajnie has SUCH an interesting dynamic for her Warden, Elspeth Cousland x Hawke. I’m here for it.

@idrelle-miocovani‘s Rhea Tabris x Daveth. Didn’t know I needed this. AND YET (my god i need to have a marathon and catch up on this bc I still think abt it all the time!)

6. Your taboo ship: I don’t think I ship anything taboo? How boring am I. I have plenty of ships that don’t do it for me, but that’s not quite the same.

7. They never met in canon ship:   Talira: (Avira Vedaris x @saphyremelodies​‘ Talim Vaharel) If she gets blighted leaving Amaranthine and has to undergo the Joining, she eventually meets Talim when she goes for training in Orlais and catches Feelings. Talim overcomes his fear of opening himself up to love again (after being exiled away from his bondmate and family), even knowing the Calling will rip it all away again. Avira lives out her remaining years honoring his memory and preventing the wardens who follow from ever having to die alone or forgotten in the Deep Roads.

8.Your unexpected ship:

Thelvira: @saphyremelodies​, we didn’t even set out for these two, REMEMBER!? He was a CAMEO. Alas, if there can be UST over prepping a ram for a feast, there can be UST anywhere, and so it was that we learned Thel was bi and Avi was into him.

Malrus: @thereluctantinquisitor​ these two snuck up on me and I am so far 1000% here for it.

Katsuma: @leothelionsaysgrrrr I was absolutely shocked that I hadn’t considered them before, but I think they just WORK. Freaking dorks, concerning Lux and Avi with their utter comfort discussing the morbid physics of death and combat. It’s perfect. I love that they can be unapologetically themselves around one another.

9. The ship you always forget to give love to: Tasami: (@saphyremelodies​’ Tamralan x Astaramai) I was sitting here trying to think of reasons, but there are no good ones. They have a mature, understated dynamic that is a breath of fresh air. Lots can go unsaid, which I love. There are plenty of challenges ahead of them, and they don’t always get a happy ending, but it’s good while it’s good.

10. Ship your OC with a canon character (if applicable): Solas x Avira: IdealistsTM Dorian x Katsuro: NerdsTM Josephine x Maleus: RomanticsTM Leliana x Astaramai: DevoutTM

11. Ship you’re embarrassed to ship: Solavellan. The characters themselves, as they are in game, have great narrative potential, but fandom has wandered so far off into ooc fanon over the years that the ship I see on my dash is one I barely recognize (and often makes me cringe).

12. Your most romantic ship: Malathi, Malephine, Malrus, Watermalon (Maleus x @thereluctantinquisitor‘s Ralon) ...Anything involving Maleus, tbph. He is the High Romance guy.

13. Your sexiest ship: Thelvira, hands down. (Avira x @saphyremelodies​ Thelrand Lavellan). Or if we’re being REAL sexy, Thelavuro (Thelrand x Katsuro x Avi, even though it only exists in AUs of AUs lol). Basically anything with Thelrand becomes sexy because he MAKES it so.

14. Your most tragic ship: Solavira. In different circumstances, they could have been happy together. And they were, for a time. But the lies and secrets couldn’t hold, and despite obvious mutual affection and regret, trust eroded and it had to end. Now, though their conflicting duties have driven them further apart, their once intimate knowledge of one another have forged them very reluctant, dangerous enemies.

15. A ship you want more content for:

Charter x Tessa Forsythia. Mostly because I love Charter with my entire heart and soul and Tessa is a precious bean and deserves happiness too.

Also need more Marius x Calpernia. For reasons. But I think I’d have to write it for that to happen.

I need to write more Gael Hawke, Elyon Andras, and Luca Tabris to figure out their ships (if they have any). I also need to write Lynmyath with her bondmate when they were younger, since they were SUPER in love.

[ruffiorocks]

Glee season 4 episode 5 Will is an emotional manipulator!

Sooo first off Finn is having a pity party, he thinks working for Burt in the tire shop is somehow degrading? Even though if I remember correctly last season Burt was talking about letting him run the place. Finn also makes a joke about wanting to be crushed by a car in front of ARTIE of all people!

Oh look the graduates are back at the school again, that's not creepy at all. So glad Sue eventually points this out down the line!

Will and Emma are having a counseling session with Coach Beaste of all people? Will opens being the jack ass he is and starts talking about the arts being underfunded, Emma says she isn't disputing that and Will looks pissed off that she's even dared to have a difference of opinion. He doesn't even let her finish talking, before he ends her sentance for her saying their relationship with grow through this experience and it isn't just a oxne in a lifetime opportunity for him but for both of them, and that Emma is dismissing this. Emma says she feels Will assumes she is just going to drop everything and play the part of the dutiful 1950e housewife. While Emma is saying this, the same thing she said last time Will isnt even hiding the fact he is rolling his eyes ans isn't interested in what she had to say. Even though this is quite literally what he expected her to do the last time they discussed this.

Emma talks about how her life, her dreams are somehow secondary to his and he is STILL rolling eyes and scoffing at her every word.

Beaste makes some sport analogy, and compares the relationship to her and her ex, but that was a realationship with physical abuse which isn't the same thing. But she does tell them to take a step back

Emma opens her mouth to talk and Will cuts her off once again, and OH he's admitting he made a mistake when they first talked about it. No he's being the 'nice guy' again and asking her not to look sad and is declaring his love for her, "no matter where we go or what we do I want us to be together, this time its Washington, next time it's anywhere you want to go'. This isn't Will being 'nice' or admitting he was wrong, this is emotional manipulation and him trying to get what he wants because he just can't see past his own desires.

He then says 'im asking my partner ,my equal partner to join me? Will you consider it?" This is just more emotional manipulation and he makes sure there is an audience in Beaste, so it's real hard for Emma to say no, she says yes and you can see she isn't happy about it at all, but Will is to happy he got what he wanted to even notice. Thankfully Beaste HAS noticed! At least someone has!

Other notes:

Marley, sweet angel Marley tells Wade 'Unique' she's in the girls bathroom, but Wade says she sits when she pees and Marley is instantly 💯 % fine with with this. Wade says she ways to play Rizzo, ans drag isn't just an act to her, Marley again is 💯% on board with this. Unfortunately Sue is there 😑.

Hahahaha Sue can't find a bad name for Marley and resorts to 'absolutey stunning, kind, faced blue eyed girl".

Ok, so Sue calls Wade a boy and isn't on board with her playing Rizzo. But wasn't it Sue just last season that wanted Kurt to dress up like a woman for Nationals because Wade has dressing up like a woman? I feel this is a little out of character for Sue, and they just reverted back to her being prejudice so they could someone against Wade. I won't even go into the horrible rant about gender, being trans, being in drag etc that Sue launches into because it's horrible, out of character even for Sue and I'm willing to bet wouldn't be allowed to be said today.

Wade and Marley singing P!nk 😍😍 Marley's 'rock look' is amazing and I wish we had seen more of it.

Naww Ryder is lovely to Marley, who is immediately lovely to him. Ryder is also the second person (aside from Marley) who speaks of her mother with respect. Ryder also immediately doesn't give a crap about Kitty, unlike Jake who dated her regardless of how awful she was to Marley.

Jake only auditions for the musical with the very person who is making Marley's life hell because he can't stand the fact Marley could be into the actual nice guy Ryder. He uses the pretence that it's to stop Kitty killing Marley but he's really just creepy and possessive.

Also...WHY are the known bullies allowed in the musical at all?!! No wonder the Glee kids have issues! Their safe place is never safe for long because no one cares the bullies are there as long as the show is good.

Finn "I don't see what the big deal is, if Unique Identifies as a girl and dresses as a girl she should be allowed to play one on stage' yes Finn! Finally you're out of your pity party and making some sense, NOT Artie who scoffed at Wade playing Rizzo and scoffed at Marley being Sandy because she's brunette?? No Artie would prefer the known school bully to be rewarded with the lead over the lovely angel that is Marley.

Ooh no!!!! Finn used the R word to describe baby Robin!! Two steps forward MILES backwards! Sue maybe being an ass right now about casting Wade, but going after her baby girl was beyond uncalled for. Figgins should have kicked Finn out of the school for that, this is Sue's place of work, Finn just proved he shouldn't be influencing kids and he doesn't even belong there!

Where was Will during all this? Oh yeah just sat there not giving a shit because is to wrapped up in himself to notice whats going on with 'his' kids.

Now back to Emma, who's restored to freaking about germs because Will is stressing her out. Beaste tells her lying is the worst thing (besides violence) someone can do in a relationship and tells her she knows Emma doesn't want to go to Washington. No Coach, do you know what's worse than being forced into agreeing to something that you don't want to do? It's your partner emotionally manipulating you into agreeing and making you think you're in the wrong for ever disagreeing in the first place. But thankfully Beaste does tell her she should tell Will she doesn't want to go. But then takes a step backwards and tells Emma that Will loves her, and that Emma spent so much time trying to be Will's girls she's forgotten why Will fell for her. NO! Emma literally says she can't get in the ways of Will's dreamsmy because that's what Terri did, that's because Will never shuts up about how Terri treated him, which manipulates Emma into trying her hardest not to disagree with him. I'm so sick of people thinking Will is a 'nice guy' who just loves everyone. Poor Emma needed some real support here, not to be guilt tripped by Will and Beaste.

Side note: Tina is right when she said she was fine with Mike and her breaking up, but he could have given her a heads up and let her know he would be invading her space at school and helping with the school musical. No one cares about poor Tina! The most neglected character ever!

Marley and Ryder just want to dance, Jake and Kitty just want to be dickheads. Jake's creepy possession over Marley really gets going here, to the point he's stopping her dancing with Ryder and picking a fight with him. So starts Jake's decline into being an arsehole.

Yay Marley and Ryder got the leads, because they deserve it! They aren't dickheads!

Kitty is fat shaming Marley and her mum. No one! Not one member of the Glee club , Finn or any past students speak up for her at all!! This is the beginning of Marley's body issues!

Emma is freaking out cooking and is having basically a panic attacks, all because of Will!! But she finally says she doesnt want to go to Washington, he is NOT happy, but at least he's listening. Now??? Now he decides to listen to what she has to say? Oh and now he's the 'nice guy' again. Poor Emma, stuck with this arsehole.

Will actually thinks if he doesn't go to Washington the arts will fail in America?? Yeah full of yourself much?? Will also leaves Finn in charge of Glee club, the guy who shot himself with a gun, called Sue's baby the R word and is watching bullying happen before his very eyes and is doing NOTHING about it!!

Conclusions?

The graduates spend too much time at their old highschool!

The bullies are allowed to bully with no consequences, even rewarded. The victims have no safe haven because it's infiltrated by the bullies and as long as they can sing and dance no one care about what the bullying is doing to the good kids like Marley who will eventually become bulimic and no one notices.

Jake is becoming creepy and possessive.

Beaste has fallen for Will's 'nice guy' act.

Finn Hudson should have kicked out of the school the moment the called on of the teachers babies by the R word!

Sue is totally out of character, shes against Wade but late says it's for her protection and states how she had LGBT both boys and girls on the Cheerios.

Figgins is useless.

Tina is neglected!

Will Shuester basically abusive to Emma, it's emotional abuse. He doesn't care about her outside of what she can do for him. He doesn't even let her finish sentance, he tries to make decisions for her and emotional manipulates and guilt trips her into agreeing with him when she is clearly uncomfortable, resulting in an OCD Episode. He then acts like he's OK with not going to Washington, because he didn't winning this one and is being the 'nice guy' again.

Will Shuester is a jackass!!

[georgeluz]

Congrats on 900! if u r still doing the ask game can i request The Pacific (blurb) + BoB! face tag is /tagged/my-face + about page is /about INFJ, passionate abt journalism + truth. idealistic but realistic. compassionate but wont take any shit. i h8 disingenuous situations. integrity is v important to me. in a constant battle between my anxiety + doing what i think is right. v serious but i have a dry humor + swear like a sailor. have an adventurous spirit. just want to make a difference. thx!

NO MORE ASK GAME REQUESTS PLSNTHNX.

IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG. ???? RIP IN PIECES. I have so much going on I swear aeoghajdfjgr. Anyway. Thanks for the ask, you got it!

The Character I See You As: Joe Toye! I love this kid so much. I’ve read a lot about him, about how he could be super serious and dry-humored and even scary sometimes, but how he also was very protective of his boys and the replacements. I feel like someone wrote in a book that one of the guys was being threatened and Toye literally picked up the dude doing the threatening and was like “never do that again” and juST SET HIM BACK DOWN and made sure the other guy was ok. Also, again, someone talked about how he was insecure about how he never graduated high school because he knew he was smart, but he was limited by his lack of education and HNNG JOE TOYE. SO PURE.

Your Three Best Friends: Bull Randleman, Carwood Lipton, Bill Guarnere

The One You Don’t Get Along With: Sobel. I avoided putting him as anyone’s just because it’s way too easy, but honestly I feel like he (and Dike) represent a real issue for INFJs–authority they can’t respect. And it’s not that you won’t respect them anyway, but rather it’s the helplessness of knowing that for duty’s sake you must respect them, but also knowing they’re a fucking idiot and you could do better given the chance. Like honestly it’s the worst of the worst and especially difficult for INFJs, who end up feeling strained and frustrated and bogged down by ineffective direction like Sobel, etc.

Who I Ship You With: Carwood Lipton! Gentle, patient, sweet, super smart, good under pressure, I literally almost can’t think of anyone better. Like fire and ice, tbh. Lip would be there while you rant about something, whether it be about justice, your anxiety, someone annoying you, etc. He’s the gentle voice of reason, trying to steer you in the right direction while also listening to you complain about what you need to in order to move on.

Wildcard: Staff Sergeant. 3rd Platoon. Easy Company.

————————-

The Character I See You As: Bob Leckie/Hoosier Smith! ARE YOU LECKIE? ARE YOU HOOSIER? Journalism, idealistic but realistic, adventurous, serious, but super dry sense of humor. Anxious but still does what’s right even tho he’s internally screaming 24/7?? This is Leckie and Hoosier at the same time I feel like. This is also you I SWEAR. I mean I think in the show Leckie might get a little dramatic compared to you (though who am I to say?), whereas Hoosier has the overall salt but the COMPOSURE. But of course Leckie has the balanceof the idealism/realism and the love of journalism and adventure (whereas Hoosier just wants to sleep tbh and be left alone).

Your Three Best Friends: R.V. Burgin, Eugene Sledge, Ack-Ack Haldane

The One You Don’t Get Along With: EVERYONE. Just kidding. Just people who STEAL YOUR SHIT (looking at u larkin god). Disingenuous people, I know that goes without saying (you even said that), but yeah. Maybe Snafu since he’s a little off his rocker and almost nothing like you. 

Who I Ship You With: Chuckler Jeurgens. If this ain’t the realest….- Chuckler and Leckie are like mom and dad. So it would basically be the same for you two. Chuckler has a good sense of humor, is incredibly patient with everyone (despite the circumstances), always finds a reason to smile and goof around and boost morale. Whenever you’re anxious or despairing, all you have to do is crawl over to his bunk and lean your head against his bed and he’ll talk you out of it, talk to you about real world stuff, debate with you, anything to get your mind off things. He’s so pure….. I JUST.

Wildcard: Private. 1st Marine Regiment. Radioman.

Lil Blurb: You woke up in the aid station after Peleliu in a fit of sweat, cursing up a storm at the sudden chill. You realized you’d thrown off your blanket and sheets in the nightmare you assume you must have been having and reluctantly crawl out of bed, groaning as pain shoots up your spine like lightning. A mortar hit right behind you, sending you flying to the ground. That was one of the last things you vividly could recall before that that very moment, struggling to drag your blankets back into bed with you. Without another thought you crawl back into the cot, rolling onto your stomach, lulled into slumber once again.

The next time you’re awoken, the nurse is telling you that you’re being transferred to go home. You don’t know how long or how hard you’ve been sleeping. You’re groggy, muttering a few obscenities under your breath as you’re forced to change, gather your things, and join a host of other injured men (and a few women like yourself) to be sent back to the states. Your intestines seemed to twist at the thought, leaving behind the other marines. You felt almost guilty, wringing your hands. Hoosier, Leckie, Runner, and finally Chuckler. You were the last to fall. You had no idea where they were, where anyone was. You just knew you were alive.

You were transferred to San Diego hospital. It was the nicest facility you’d been in in probably a year, but that wasn’t reassuring. The white walls. The pristine decor–none of it felt right. It was all uncomfortable, oddly surreal after what you’d been through. You didn’t want to take it in. You just wanted to sleep until the wounds on your back turned into scars. The place in your shoulder where you were shot? That too. You’d almost forgotten about that, but it had happened so long ago, on Guadalcanal. 

After getting out of the wheelchair and stubbornly hobbling toward the woman’s ward (much to the nurse’s horror), a familiar voice called out to you from behind.

“Y/N?”

You stopped, shaking the grogginess from your head. You felt like you hadn’t escaped that feeling, the out-of-body, surreal feeling until that voice hit you like a brick wall, yanking you back into battle, into the memories suppressed.

“Lew?” You spin around on your heels. He’s still all height, hunched over slightly in pain; he couldn’t have been up long. Chuckler is one big crooked grin too big for him, ears too big for him, feet too big for him. He was barefoot, ridiculous as it was. You found him completely endearing. Two long weeks apart and all you wanted to do was throw yourself into his arms. He had done right by you, taken care of you, sacrificed for you.

“Holy shit, Y/N, I thought you were still in the Pacific.” Incredulous, he started forward, stretching out his hands to drag you into his chest. You didn’t resist (despite your aversion to public displays of affection), but leaned forward, burying your face into his hospital gown, gripping the fabric in your fists. 

“Jesus, fuck, Lew–Chuckler, I thought you were dead, god. No one told me anything.” You didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry, so you did both, finally releasing the gown and wrapping your arms around his waist. His nose was in your hair, eyes closed, waiting until he was sure you were done talking before he responded.

“Hey, hey now, we’re all good. Leckie and Hoosier too, we’re all fine, it’s all fine,” he soothed, dragging his fingers across your back. “Wanna go see them?”

You sniff, cursing yourself for crying on his shoulder. You left stains. Jesus, Hoosier would take one look and know for sure. You would catch hell for that. Wiping your nose and looking back at the nurse, who appeared disapproving (moved, but disapproving), you nodded your head. “Hell yeah, I need to yell at the two of them for leaving before I could say bye.”

Chuckler reached down pressed his hand into the small of your back, pushing you forward in the right direction. “C’mon then, Y/N, you have a lot of yelling to do.”

“Damn right, Chuckler.”

[notesfromthepen]

Freewill And Determinism

Because the meaning of language is subjective, words can fail to give an all encompassing universal meaning that is equally understood and accepted by each unique individual. This is especially true when dealing with the metaphysical, with the entirely real but physically intangible, with things that sit out side of space time, with the deepest of ideas. And in recognition of this flaw inherent in language. I must make this disclaimer: Some of the words I use to label or describe these things are simply pragmatic. They are the handles I put on the intangible so that I can get ahold of them long enough to explore them.

Please feel free to interchange the words that fit for you. If need be, Use your own handles to grab these deepest of ideas. In one circumstance I may say "true self" and in another I may say "God" and in another "divinity" or "true nature" and though I use different words for different occasions they are all one in the same and part of the whole. How do you pin down and define the eternal and the infinite? Imperfectly, that's how. With that being said and without further adieu:

FREEWILL is not a Given.

Freewill: A voluntary choice or decision.

Determinism: A doctrine, that acts of the will, natural events, or social changes are determined by preceding events or natural causes.

Because most of us are familiar with freewill, I'll start with determinism. A growing doctrine supported by many scientists, materialists, and intellectuals. Determinism challenges the stronghold of the long accepted idea of freewill. Determinism states that freewill is an illusion. That every "choice" you make is, in reality, just the natural and inevitable result of your previous experiences and make-up. It states that your choice of what to order for lunch, or whether or not to run a red light, only feels like a choice made of your own volition. Determinism argues that if an experiment could be created that exactly replicated every one of your previous experiences, in exactly the same order, you would always make the same "choice" to have pizza for lunch or to run the red light.

Freewill, on the other hand is much easier to explain. It states: That we as conscious beings have an innate and voluntary choice in the decisions and circumstances that face us. Freewill leaves the universe open and possibilities loose. Though on the same day that you choose pizza, freewill allows the possibility that you could have just as easily chosen to have a plate of green eggs and ham and rather than run the red light you could have decided to do doughnuts in the intersection.

For reasons that should be obvious freewill offers a soft comfortable place to rest our heads. An idea that places us at the controls of our existence. Determinism isn't such a pleasant reality to lay your head on. Its hard, cold, and sterile. No room for humanities highest attributes.

Like most things in life the reality lies not exclusively in either extreme but in a commingling mixture of the two.

Does freewill exist? Yes.

Does determinism also exist? Yes.

But neither exists in an absolute and all encompassing form. One doesn't negate the other.

Though freewill exists, it is not guaranteed. It is given to us but in a partially dormant state. We posses the potentiality of freewill. We are equipped with the tools to be free, to consciously choose. But the responsibility lies with us to develop the ability and skills to properly use them.

For most people the decisions they make, decisions that they assume are rooted in a truly freewill, is just an illusion. A comforting story that they tell themselves and choose to believe. Asleep at the wheel, far too many of the choices we make aren't made by us at all. They are dictated by our past experiences, our fears, and desires. These motivators are all received in the brain and acted upon as impulses. 

This determinism plays out in cyclical behavior patterns all around us. The sexually abused kid who grows up with the uncontrollable impulse to repeat the abuse that was done to him. 

Determinism is the antithesis to conscious thought. It is reactionary and unchecked by self-awareness. As with the kid who grew up poor and is now willing to kill someone for fifty dollars. Here's the tricky part Even when we are in a reactionary deterministic state we are still technically awake, so our brain is active which gives us the feeling, the illusion, that we are conscious and freely making our decisions, even when we're not. 

Brain activity, the processing of stimuli, and simple thinking, don't equal a truly free will. Self awareness, insight, and an understanding of motivating factors and the way in which your mind works are the tools required for utilizing your freewill.

In our everyday state its rarely all or nothing. Most of us have moments of both deterministic behavior as well as true freewill. The full capability of a free will isn't equally active in all. Neither is a fully deterministic life.Though our natural state of limited self-awareness leans heavily in the direction of determinism. The degrees of ones position between the two extremes varies from person to person.

Your ability to truly exercise your free will is directly proportional to your level of self awareness and mindfulness. To obtain a consistent and meaningful use of your freewill you must adopt a disciplined, fearless, and dedicated practice of self examination. Freewill isn't free. It isn't a given. It is a skill that requires cultivation.

Impulse is both the enemy of freewill and the vehicle of determinism. When I was in the throws of my addiction, my decisions or choices were nothing more than an open door that impulse was free to walk through, unimpeded. Sure I constructed stories and inner-monologues to convince myself that I was the one in control. I believed that I was consciously making these decisions. But it was nothing more than a story I told myself. And behind it all was the Ego. If impulse is the vehicle of determinism then Ego is the motor that drives it all.

We all have deterministic weak points from which our freewill escapes us. My most glaring weakness was centered around substance abuse. Most peoples primary weak points, are some form of addiction. Addiction to sex, money, food, gambling, or adrenaline. You may instantly know where your weak point is or you may have to do some honest self searching to find out what it is that saps your self control. In any sense, this is a knowledge about yourself that you must come to if you wish to be awakened from deterministic slumber. 

These things are layered. The largest outer layer, like that of an onion, will be the easiest to recognize. But with every layer you successfully peal away, another more subtle layer will be waiting, until full self-awareness is reached and you go from utilizing freewill to becoming freewill. Though with every success along the way you will be rewarded with new insight, knowledge, strength, and the desire to continue progressing.

So how do we know when we are acting in a deterministic way or when we are using our conscious freewill? This is a tough question so forgive me for the vague nature of my answer: "you just will". To be a little more comprehensive I'd say: By increasing your self-awareness and honing the skills of honesty and truth you will become in-tuned with yourself to such a degree that the answer “You just will” will make sense.

To come, I will help to show you the path to opening up your communication with your True self. To become more attuned to this aspect of your true nature and to be able to listen to that voice. This will help you reach the point where "you will just know".

Before we move forward a more fundamental and important question needs answering. The first question of freewill, from which the spring of all future freewill flows, is this: Do you wish to be freed from the shackles of determinism and impulse, to utilize your right, responsibility, and duty of an actualized freewill, so that you may rise from the slumber of determinism and move consciously through life?

You may balk at this question and ask yourself: If Im not currently accessing my freewill how could my answer be anything but a determinist response? Have no fear. If you have questioned this apparent paradox then, in your critical thinking and doubt, you have cracked the code and taken the first step towards utilizing your freewill. Self examination, contemplation, and critical thinking. These are the keys to freewill. And if you haven't questioned this apparent paradox, it doesn't matter. How you get to the well doesn't affect the well's ability to quench your thirst.

However, before coming to an answer, let me make a suggestion: sit down in meditation and contemplate the many dimensions and aspects of the question, of yourself, and of the meaning and consequences of the choice you will make. Honestly ask yourself: are you actually ready to abandon excuses and the ability to coast, to drop the built in defense of ignorance and the comfort of slumber, to move towards a conscious life of freewill?  

There are many different types of meditation. I won't go into a comprehensive list of meditative practices here. That information is already out there, ready to be soaked up, and I suggest you look into it. I will give you this basic advice: Find a quiet place where you won't be interrupted. Come into the space with honesty and humility. Sit down and mentally state your intentions. Breathe steady measured breaths through your nose. Focus on your breath. Listen to yourself with love and compassion until your answer is revealed to you. Ask not for what you want but what you need.

With enough honest and vulnerable contemplation you will know when you have your answer. If you decide: No, I'm fine with the comforting illusion of freewill and a mostly deterministic existence. Then I wholeheartedly wish you the best and my heart aches for you. But I want you to know that these words and your potential will always be right here waiting for your return.

If your answer is yes, then my heart aches for you as well. For there is much work to be done.

Before deciding how, when, and where to utilize your freewill you must first uncover your purpose for a free will. To what end should your will be freed? To what destination are your guiding yourself? For without the answer to this question freewill is irrelevant. Freewill without direction is just another term for impulse fulfillment. Which we already know is movement in the direction of determinism.

Obviously I can't give you your purpose or goal. That is up to you and only you, to uncover. For any external purpose derived from another would not be worthy of your efforts and would eventually crumble under the weight of your accomplishments.

I will say this: certain levels of freewill can be gained with a variety of goals in mind; money, success, revenge, adoration, fame, power, unity, love, compassion, enlightenment and so on.

However, be very careful what you choose to place on the alter of freewill. For if it is a self-serving idol that you toil for you will be limited in the meaningful growth you can attain. 

The importance of choosing your purpose or goal with pure intention cannot be overstated and anything less than the loftiest goal is to miss the point. The highest form, the purest object to set your mind on, to place on your alter, is rooted in selfless love. With your intentions fixed on the loftiest of goals the heights attainable are unrivaled. When your intentions are refined and pure the universe will unfold to meet you.

To find your true purpose, the goal will direct your freewill towards, you must go inward and return to the well of meditation. For the truest form of freewill is not the choices of the external but of the internal.

Once your goal is revealed the next step is to prioritize. Where do you start? What choices are worth your efforts? Initially, how many sugars to have with your coffee should take a back seat to should I punch this guy in the face for bumping into me?

As you begin developing your self-awareness and mindfulness you should use your limited abilities only in the decisions important to reaching your goal.

At a certain point the extension of your freewill will merge with your meditative practice. The two will become so interdependent that to speak about one will be to reference the other. Everything covered in this book (and in life) is dependent on a consistent meditative practice. Any question you have, any uncertainty that arises, any doubt conjured, can and will be resolved through meditation. A disciplined approach must be taken up in the quest, to first: understand yourself and your mind. And finally: to master yourself and your mind. There is no way more effective or important to this monumental task than a serious meditative practice.

Meditation produces countless benefits. One of the earliest and most all encompassing aspects is the re-calibration of your inner dialogues. With enough practice and patience in meditation you will begin to turn down the volume on the cunning and deceptive ego voice. The voice pushing you towards impulse satisfaction and superficial pleasures. As the volume dims you will begin to perceive, ever so slightly, the voice of your true self. This voice is known by many names: God, your conscience, the Universe....your true voice. A voice that resides is us all.

The more progress you make in your meditative practice the easier it will become to tell the difference between the ego and your true voice.

This may be able to help to differentiate in the beginning stages: The Ego is based in the mind and speaks through justifications and subtle manipulations. It uses language and inner-monologue. It whispers in your ear like a devil on your shoulder. Its greatest trick is disguising itself as your own voice.

Your True voice, the one that has remained unchanged in tone and message over time. The same voice that guided you as a child, never wavering, into adulthood. A voice you can try to ignore but do so at your own peril. A voice you can try to muzzle but never successfully. A voice you can never lie too and never entirely silence. This voice comes from the pit of your chest and uses feeling, not words, to communicate with you. So many of us have spent years drowning out our True voice. And all the time the Ego voice grew louder and louder eventually learning to mimic your True voice in such a cunning way that it became nearly impossible to tell the difference. It will take time to re-tune yourself to this eternal voice. A voice that is timeless. The all knowing and loving voice that we have spent so much time rendering dormant.

With honest and humble intent you will again become fluent in deciphering that wordless communication that comes from the deepest well of your heart. It will never steer you wrong and the truest form of sin is to ignore its message.

Tune in and let your unfiltered nature guide you. Once you do this the pieces will begin to fall into place and this is how you will ultimately know which direction to exercise your will towards.

As with anything, the more work you put into the endeavor of becoming a conscious actor in the decisions that face you, the more control you will have at your disposal and the more clearly you will see both the choices, as well as the consequences of your decisions.

Eventually, with enough effort, even the seemingly unimportant decisions and circumstances will reveal themselves in their full context. As you purify your mind and exercise your freewill towards the achievement of your purpose you will begin to see the relation in every aspect of your life to the goal of your will. You will have moved from the life of a rudderless boat, aimlessly drifting and tossed about by the waves of impulse, to the life of an unsinkable ship with a determined and skilled captain on a charted course.

Freewill awaits you... but it’s not a given.

[shadowedtalks]

Medieval Times Part 7

Kaiser squinted at her when he spotted the glowing light off the fur of the white fox that strutted along the wall. "What is a fox like that doing here?" he said to himself watching it as it took note of his gaze as he was captured by the striking green that where her eyes. Most foxes’ eyes were black, and around here they were orange and red in fur color not this brilliant white. Looking at this creature he could tell it was not a normal fox. He heard a gentle whisper of what sounded like his name then it jumped down off the wall and virtually vanished into the shade on this side of the wall. “Fox?” he whispered having heard that tone of voice before from the Fox guard waiting here. He would run into her from time to time while keeping his distance just to see what she would do, mostly just sleep in an oak tree, an she would mutter softly to herself or sigh, so he knew her silence was a choice. But it would be ridiculous to say that the fox guard was an actual fox, that would make them not even human… or perhaps a human with powers an that was her manifestation of them. If that was the case then the Fox guard here was the real deal because being able to change into other animals would make half of the rumors about that fighter much more plausible. “Another trip over the wall?” he asked despite knowing he wouldn’t get a response as well as knowing that she would return to her quarters without incident so he didn't react to much more to her presence this time. He finished the rest of the night uneventful.

Cardinal took a breath as she stretched out along her assigned cot looking up at the ceiling above her. Once she slipped away, she took back her normal form and returned to her bed in the chambers of visiting staff from the guests upstairs. The numbers were beginning to dwindle down as many were beginning to return home. But not yet for her and her lord they had a few more weeks to go before discussion of departure would begin. Summits really dragged for those in the lower court like where her lord was. He was basically the bottom on the list of importance. Come morning with a deep dread she returned to her lord. Able to fallow him for the day for just a casual day of talk.

She stuck near him on a wall keeping as low as a profile as possible.

After being with him the full day she was chased off in the evening hours. Extremely thankful to not have to suffer yet another night at his hands she always felt so gross after each request for her to stay. An wished more that the lady and young son of the house was able to attend events like this. With them around he never called for personal punishments and her immediate order became to stick to the young son like glue an keep him safe an out of trouble. She liked him, he was well behaved and he liked her as well even if she couldn’t play with him like he wanted some days.

With a bit of mindless wandering in the twilight she ended holding up in a small space along the south wall’s greenery. She pulled her legs up into her chest wrapping around them with her arms seeming to become even smaller an going off into the dark corners of her mind. "Perhaps I should end it all here for me...." she muttered aloud by mistake. As her eyes gazed into the ground.

Kaiser sighed and turned his attention towards the southern wall. He heard talking. No response so it was one person. Talking to themselves at a time like this. This person must be contemplating some rash action. Kaiser walked towards the area where he heard it with a torch in hand. Eventually coming up to her hiding spot he stood in front of her a slightly agitated look on his face. "Care to explain why you are in the madam's flower bushes. Trying to steal a bushel for yourself?" He didn't reach for his sword as others might have. Though he should've he doesn't want to turn a simple situation into a fight or hunt for this one.

Her gaze lifted at the voice seeing him again then looked back down at her pathetic stance all wrapped up around itself. 'Really. Steal some flowers does it look like I care about stupid flowers right now? There aren’t even any blooms.' She grumbled mentally but shook her head no to his question. Reaching up she gave a soft smile to herself and spoke softly. "I was hiding an I was thinking of ways I could die..." she looked to the bush on her left side. "If I was trying to take some of the flowers would that get me killed?" She asked in response to him asking if she was stealing then returning her gaze to him again. Talking aloud. Yep let others hear her voice spread rumors. That's a good start to her decline. She mused softly waiting looking at him but not moving from her balled up placement in the greenery.

"No. It would make the madam upset. She would've rather you asked if you wanted a flower." Takin in Her posture at the moment while they spoke and her lack of reaction. She felt and looked rather vulnerable it seemed. Kaiser crouched down to be on her level. "I'm on the only guard on patrol duty at the moment... why would you come to the conclusion you would be killed over some flowers. My lord is fair. He would have you plant another." A subject’s reaction to the possibility of breaking a law or a rule of the castle tells a lot of the one that governs them. "Why don't you come with me to the guard quarters? We'll get you some food and drink and let you return to your quarters for the evening."

She took a moment before answering his first question. "Because even if its fixable by planting another bush at the lords instance my lord would be terribly embarrassed and that is never a good thing if it comes to my punishments." She let out a deep sigh. So much for others over hearing her. The guard quarters would definitely get the job done but she has a sneaking suspicion that they would be incredibly tight lipped about her visit. She hadn't even heard rumors about her visit to Kaiser in the quarters last time. So, she gave an answer to his offer.

"Im not allowed to interact with others without my lord telling me too." She explained shifting just slightly. "Food and drink are a big no as well if I haven't been given the okay. I can't take anyone else’s portions... they will need it more then I. You have seen all I do.... I wander, I sleep, and I fallow my lord. I don't burn much energy." She gave a soft pathetic laugh with a sigh. Still looking at him from that spot. Things were okay till another appeared knelling next to Kaiser.

"So that's the way it is for you... then is it safe to assume that on random nights you’re the voice many hear calling out in pain from the guest quarters?" The man seemed to be a General or a lead guard. His attire similar yet different from Kaisers. She shrugged.

"I don’t know. That is for you to solve, this isn’t my home, and it doesn’t bother my lord." She said bluntly and with no hesitation either not making it any easier to guess if it was her or not.

The other guard gave an exasperated sigh. "I should have expected you to say something like that... you are a difficult one to fallow on these grounds when you’re not glued to your lords’ side. Basically, a ghost, you do live up to your name for sure, and that makes my job no easier." He seemed to ramble a bit and patted Kaisers shoulder as she gave a small shrug with a sigh. Tightening up in a ball more an putting her head down into her knees and with her hood up effectively hiding her head. The other guard looked to Kaiser.

"Maybe you can get them to open up to you... our Lord is rather tense due to their presence here and of the reputation that precedes them... he asked me to keep eyes on them, but with them slipping away from me easily, and the strange noises stirring up the house staff our lord is not very comfortable. Im glad I can tell him something to ease his mind now." He explained looking up to the sky as evening set in. "I’ll let you decide if they are trust worthy, you appear able to find them much easier than I can keep up with them. Best of luck Kaiser, but don't forget your own duty and patrolling tonight." He said as he got up and walked off, he wouldn't actually inform anyone of what happened having decided to keep it to himself due to their state they were in at the moment with how they acted and spoke before he made himself known to both parties. With the fox contemplating how to die, telling his lord any of this would cause his lord to confront their lord about it, an in turn possibly set them off after the fox, and with no fighting spirit they would give in and just perish if their lord just didn’t out right kill them.

Once far enough away she picked up her head, though hidden from view she had a sickening smile on her lips, but just for a moment. "If He will tell your lord... your lord will confront mine... if he does, my death ticket has been sealed." She let out a pitiful laugh and looked up to the sky. "Perhaps by the full moon in one day." She didn't know why she couldn't get out of this dark mind set. Why she couldn't get out of her head right now, she normally could but for now something was just sticking it to the forefront of her mind. And it was driving darker emotions, but she knew one thing, she was strongly craving the freedom of a run with no limits... the regular calling she felt, that got stronger the fuller the moon was. And with evening falling on the eve of a full moon she could truly feel that calling and sighed thankful for something to pull her out of the dark side of her mind.

Looking back to Kaiser finally she shifted moving to look like she would crawl forward. "If you will move back... I'll get out of the bushes." She said gesturing that if she wanted to truly get out of the bushes at this moment, she would have to practically crawl over him with how close he was to her hiding spot so they could talk. "I'll try not to be a nuisance for you anymore.... I'm sure you are getting sick of seeing me out an telling me to return to my room." She commented looking off to the left for a moment rubbing some dirt off of her gloved palm then something struck with her curiosity.

"You keep offering me food. Why?" She asked looking towards him.

"And I wear a mask... what made you think that inviting me to the guard quarters, where a lot of people are to eat and drink, what made you think that I would take you up on that offer?" She asked as well as that would practically offer full exposure... even she didn't have the guts for that, an again she would feel like she was taking someone’s rations for dinner and that guilt would eat at her.

She was to emotional right now to have that settle properly. She was backed too far into a figurative corner an she was stuck there. Pinned by shat she was raised on an what her lord has done more regularly since they got here little over a couple weeks ago. It was too heavy for the moment and feeling no break coming soon she lapsed into such a mindset. For now, she would wait. It’s what she was good at, a break will be soon an she will breath easier, after all, the full moon was close. After a full moon for just a little while she always felt refreshed, freed from that corner. She just had to wait a little longer an everything would be fine. She knew so. She could feel it coming, it let her relax a bit, tension melting off her shoulders.

"I offer you food because I understand how it feels to be that hungry." Kaiser watched his fellow guard leave and answered her other question.

"I felt as if this place is safe enough for people like us. Though you're considered a legend here you are still a person like us." He was unsure how to talk to this person.  Her Lord kept her secluded, hidden from everyone to even their appearance behind the mask.

"From what I've seen your understanding of magic goes beyond or equal to that of the captain. I would like some insight into my ability if you would be so generous." Her answer would confirm what he suspected with that appearance of the strange fox a few nights ago.