#do plan weirdly to try 100% this game

[crystillyzed]

at the rainbow's end // mysta rias

pairing: mysta rias x gn!reader

word count: 4.1k

genre: fluff, staff!reader, mutual pining, wingman elira

content warning(s): swearing, unedited

summary:

After nearly a year of hearing each other's voice, you finally meet him.

a/n: this was originally going to be released as my 100 follower celebration since i hit that a while back and to make up for the lack of event since i don’t have the time to host one. but with mysta’s graduation this past weekend, i didn’t want to keep this in my drafts since i’ve been working on this for like practically a year now.

this fox-dog man means so much to me, even though i can’t really catch his streams due to timezone differences, but he means So Much to me. i got back into writing because of luxiem, but he and shu were the ones who got me back into the swing of writing which is amazing bc i love writing. i just lost all the motivation to do so until i found them last year. even though he’s no longer in niji anymore or mysta anymore, i will keep writing for him. in fact, i actually have like 3 or so mysta works in the drafts lol

and speaking of writing, this is the first long fic i’ve written in 3-4 years. i’m considering crossposting this onto my ao3 as an alternative access to read longer fics bc ik how tumblr is poopy with loading long text posts. i’m a bit rusty when it comes to writing long fics, but i hope you’ll be able to enjoy this as much as i enjoyed writing this 🧡

links: luxiem m.l || main m.l || ao3 ver (if tumblr dies)

You twist your head from your phone back towards your monitor, displaying the Discord window showing your current private call with your blue dragon friend.

“Mysta’s WHAT?”

“Yeah, he’s coming along on the trip,” Elira laughed. “You didn’t know?”

“Apparent-ly! What the hell!! Luca, that motherfucker, I’m gonna beat his ass when I see him!”

She howls with laughter as you ramble on and on about how Luca told you everything about their planned trip but didn’t tell you about Mysta’s planned involvement. Once you’re done, she takes many deep breaths to calm down. “You should come with us! It’s gonna be fun. And, you’ll get to see him again.~”

You can’t really see each other’s faces, considering you’re both in a voice call. But god damn, you can hear the eyebrow wiggle in her teasing tone.

“I can’t,” you groaned, “I have finals when you’re there. As much as I wanna skip it, I really need to pass.”

“Damn, you can’t even get a referral from staff to get you here for a business meeting? Unlucky.”

“Can’t even do that anyway. I already told my professor that my trip’s been canceled, so now I have to take it.”

Though you’re not a liver for the company, you are, however, a staff member for the company. Specifically one of the staff in charge of promotions. Of course, you mainly focus on promoting EN and sometimes the other two now-merged branches. In fact, that’s how you got close to some of the livers.

As one of the staff promoters, you have to speak with the associated livers about PR stream offers and their convention appearance invites. Since you’ve been interacting with the livers the most, you’ve become friends with a few of them. Some namely Elira and Mysta.

Honestly, it’s not that you play favorites with the livers. You try your best to keep your relationships professional with them. But your bond with a specific fox-like man says otherwise.

You see, Mysta has been a joy to be around with. Although you haven’t met him in person yet, you have played some multiplayer games with him. Sometimes you check out the EN Minecraft server to see if the installed mods are working properly. Weirdly enough, almost every time you visit the server, Mysta is online. In fact, that’s how your not-so-business relationship started.

When you first entered the server, after double checking if no one was streaming at the scheduled hour, he was the first person you met. You thought you would run into Selen, Pomu, or perhaps Uki during your visit, but you were pleasantly surprised at his sudden appearance. Luckily, he was kind enough to show you around the server while teaching you some mods. With, of course, the trademark Mysta Rias experience packaged with sexual innuendos and teasing about. Well, except he didn’t go completely sexual considering it was your first time meeting him. He has some decency.

After that, you’ve run into him almost every time you visit the Minecraft server. Every visit eventually turned into hangouts, just you two (and sometimes another liver) chatting and building projects in-game. Soon enough, you and Mysta started to play other games together. You both played games such as Overwatch, Clubhouse, and sometimes League if you felt like torturing yourself for some reason.

Obviously, you had to keep the professionalism on both sides somehow. Your fellow staff members, especially some livers, noticed your close bond with the detective. So they usually send you to his DMs to discuss about any promotion offers involving him. Whenever you have your cameras on for a meeting, he somehow always flusters you with sudden flirtatious marks or something of the sort mid-conversation.

“Hello? Helloooooooo? Is someone there??”

Elira’s voice yoinks you out of your thoughts. Oh god, were you spacing out this entire time? How embarassing.

You clear your throat then respond as if you weren’t thinking of someone just now, “S-sorry, did you say something?”

“Oh my god. It’s that bad,” she mindlessly mutters.

Blink blink. “Huh?”

“Nothing,” she quickly retaliates. With a slight hum, she speaks again, “Since you’re gonna be stuck in hell… Want me to get you something? Like a souvenir or a limited edition thing? I literally have your address, man.”

Oh right, she does. Sometimes you and Elira send gifts to each other like figurines or plushies at random times.

“Nah, I’m good. Thanks for the offer, man.”

“Are you sure? I mean, I’ll still probably send some pics buuut… Y’know… Just saying…”

There she goes again, doing that thing where she wiggles her eyebrows even though you can’t see her fucking face right now. Goddamn it, why did you tell her about your… thing with Mysta? You should’ve known that she’s NOT going to let it go.

You groan, “Just. Just surprise me.”

“That’s so vague! Do you know what that means?”

“Yeah? So? Surprise me.”

“Man… You have no idea how much power you just gave me.” She cackles for the next few seconds, making you start regretting your decision. “Okay, I’ll surprise you. Just don’t forget you asked me to, alright? And no complaining!”

“Okay, alright, fine! I won’t complain! Jeez… Now get to bed, nerd, you have a flight tomorrow.”

“Sheesh, what are you, my mom?” You both chuckle at her remark. “Okieee~ I’ll go pass out now, I guess. Good night!”

“Good night, Ewiwa. Have a safe trip.”

And you both leave call. Well, maybe you should get to sleep too. It’s getting super late, after all.

—

Mysta stares at Elira across the table in disbelief. “Finals? Of all times? Bruh…”

“Haha, yeah! Super uncool and lame and not something I have to worry about soon,” his penguin colleague beside him laughs with a dreadfully crazed look in her eyes. She anxiously reaches out for her soda and starts drinking rapidly.

“Wh— it’s not like I can control it or anything. Shit happens!”

“I know, it’s just…” he drawls off as his gaze lowers to the table. Admittedly, it’s difficult for him to hide his expression. So naturally, the two girls noticed his disappointment. Elira and Petra awkwardly look at each other, then to him, then back at each other.

“Hey, it’s okay, Mysta,” Petra says as she pats his back. “You can always see them next time! Like Nijifest!”

The dragon nods, “Yeah! Or you could see them the next time you take a break. Like going on another vacation or something.”

“If I have enough money for it,” he sighed. But he gives them a small smile to appreciate their attempts to soothe him.

Petra frowns. “If? Mysta, you’re literally one of the top livers in EN, like? Hello? Mr. One Million?”

“But I still don’t know when that’s gonna happen. Might as well be in a year or maybe like half a year or something.”

Elira’s eyes narrow. She quietly listens to their conversation, or bickering at this point, while taking some occasional sips of her drink.

For the past practically a year, Elira’s been one of the victims to both of your hopeless gushing.

She already knew about your friendship since you’ve talked a lot about it before. She knows the stupid hijinks and drunken confessions that you and Mysta told her about off stream. Her eyes closes as a confused thought crosses her mind, Seriously, how are you two not dating already?

Of course, she’s quite aware that the rest of Luxiem are both of your victims. Hell, when Elira’s alone with the other boys, it’s usually them talking about how astonishing that you and Mysta aren’t together. Sometimes, they make bets on who’s going to confess first. It’s obvious!

Even with the two going back and forth, practically becoming one with the background, she closes her eyes and hums in thought. Finals should be finished next week, she mused. Her visible eye opens as she takes a glance at the ashy haired male. But he’s been so busy lately that they haven’t spoken with each other…

The entire EN branch had a full schedule for the past few months. In fact, their schedule was so full that sometimes the livers couldn’t make their own streaming schedules nor stream in general. Mysta, of course, was no exception. As one of the most popular livers in EN, he’s one of the most busiest people she’s ever known. On top of that, you too have been busy recently too. You haven’t been able to hang out with him as of late despite being a staff member yourself. Life really likes to fuck anyone over, doesn’t it?

She could tell that you two haven’t been able to find the time to talk with each other. The staff picked up many projects that practically almost everyone is unavailable, and you were one of said unavailable members. The only times the livers could contact you was through Slack or by email for business inquiries. But things should be slightly slowing down, for now that is.

Although, it would be nice to have you two meet each other once at the same time, even if it’s a coincidental encounter.

Wait a minute…

A devious smirk lifts her lips, her eyes glinting with mischief in mind. She chuckles to herself as she entertains the thought. Hell, it even looks kinda creepy to the other patrons. ESPECIALLY to her coworkers who’s now staring at her with confusion and a hint of fear.

“…Elira? Are you okay?” Petra asked the dragon.

“Hm?” She blinks out of her thoughts as the penguin’s voice pulls her back into reality. Elira stares at her and Mysta, who also looks a bit dumbfounded, before grinning at them. “Oh, don’t worry about it. Just thought of something.”

Blink blink. “Like what?” Mysta asked this time.

Again, she lets out a chuckle and flicks her wrist to wave off the concern. “Like I said! Don’t worry about it! Y’all will see it eventually.”

Soon enough, the waitress arrives with their orders. Elira turns to face her and helps her with the food. On the other side of the table, the two livers tilt their heads in confusion and eventually give each other an unknowing look as the table is served.

—

You lie in bed snuggled underneath your covers, but the lights are still on as you scroll through Twitter on your phone.

It’s been about a couple weeks since your call with Elira. She’s been sending you updates, videos, and pictures of the group’s adventures in Japan. Sometimes, she’d call you before going to bed to tell you what happened during the trip in case it was a story she couldn’t explain over text. Of course, there were times when another liver like Reimu and Nina would join in the call and give you the tea. As much as you wished you wanted to be there while dying in exams, you felt warm as you saw the livers enjoying themselves on their vacation.

Then, you noticed how fast the month flew by. Eventually, it was time for the livers to fly home and say goodbye for a while. They all had different flights, obviously, but there was a specific person who didn’t leave the country yet.

You were looking on Twitter while watching the members’ story time streams on a pop-up viewer. Although, you didn’t see Mysta’s waiting room or tweet indicating his return to streaming yet.

Suddenly, you remembered why.

“He wants to stay back for a bit,” Elira answered over the sound of her packing. “Dunno why, but I don’t blame him. He was in Japan for work last time.”

That he was. Though disappointing it is that you can’t hang with him for a while longer, at least he’s having fun.

“Oh, remember the thing I asked you about?”

She asked you something? When?

“What thing?” You asked.

“Uh… The souvenir thing?”

Oh shit, you forgot about that. And apparently, she noticed your forgetfulness as indicated by her laughter.

“I got you something,” Elira continued, “but I’ll send it to you when I get back.”

“Why not now? You can just ask headquarters to send it to me.”

“It’s not something in a box though.”

You blinked in confusion, unanswering.

On the other end of the line, you heard her chuckle, “You’ll see.”

Your brief conversation did, in fact, make you scared. Although it’s Elira, your local dependable dragon, sometimes she can be as unpredictable as… well… the rest of Nijisanji. Not just EN, but Nijisanji in general. Remember that one time you watched her stream where she suddenly jumped into a hole in that Forest collab? Yeah…

Now, some time has passed since the trip and she’s been home for about almost a week. It’s something not in a box, right? So what’s taking her so long? Is it digital? Or did she fuck up somewhere with the delivery?

Currently, you’ve been juggling schoolwork, personal work, and work-work. Needless to say, it’s been a stressful time, especially around this type of year. Seriously, why is everyone so goddamn busy around this time? Idle thoughts aside, you’ve also been anxiously waiting for Elira’s souvenir. For the past week, you’d constantly check your phone and your PC for any email or DM from Slack and Discord with Elira’s name attached to it. Every time you get DM’ed or emailed, it’s always been another liver or staff member whose name doesn’t start with Elira and end with Pendora.

But hey, at least you got funny memes from Luca and Mysta in the mean time!

Honestly, at this point, you might as well just give up. Maybe she did run into issues, or she just forgot.

You let out a sigh as you refreshed your feed for the umpteenth time tonight, accompanied by the ghost’s voice eminating through your speakers. Yet suddenly, a notification banner from Discord slides down onto the screen.

Elira Pendora

SURPRISE!!!!

Oh.

Huh.

So she didn’t forget??

Confused yet astonished at the same time, you pull down your notifications bar and tap on the DM to see what she sent.

As the iconic Discord logo pops up on your screen, it eventually loads your conversation with Elira. When you look past your previous chat, a message larger than it should be fills about a third of your screen.

A plane ticket to London next week. Seat number and all. And most notably, it has your name.

…

“HUH?”

You frantically tap on the textbox and type.

You

GIRL

WHAGT THE FUCK IS THIS

Elira Pendora

your souvenir! ☺️

You

WDYM SOUVENIR THATS NOT EVEN RELATED TO JAPAN??? 😭😭😭😭

also

HOW DID YUO GET MY NUMBER??? AND MY EMAIL????? :monkas:

Elira Pendora

I had to pull a few strings with staff

just normal coworker things

You

:thonk:

“normal”

Elira Pendora

but like you should go!!!

I didn’t go through all that just for you to not see him

and you really needed a break so 😎

You

??????

but hes Still in japan?????

Elira Pendora

yeah but he’s flying back home next week

I asked him earlier and had to like try to figure out how to get you to meet him at the same time

or like

around the same time 😌

You

man idk if i should thank you or yell at you

Elira Pendora

LMAO EITHER WORKS IT’S OKAY MAN

better get ready!!!

You

wait what about the hotel

Elira Pendora

what hotel? ☺️

i’m sure he wouldn’t mind letting you stay for a few days tbh

and yes I will also pay for your return trip

You

BUT YOUR LEN FUNDS……

Elira Pendora

I KNOW 😭😭😭

but it’s worth it! go get your man bitch!!

but :thonk:

I think I’ll try to pass out now since I have something scheduled tomorrow soooo

GOOD NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!

You

gn ewiwa :D

Well! Looks like you have a trip to prepare for.

—

The gray haired detective lounged comfortably in the AirBnB’s living room, resting on the sofa as he scrolled through Twitter. He let out a chuckle here and there, sometimes full on laughing whenever a funny meme popped up on his timeline.

“Meesta!” Elira called out to him from the kitchen island.

He turned around to look at the unusually giddy dragon. Confused, he asked, “What’s up?”

“When are you heading back?”

“Uh…” Pulling out his phone, he quickly went through his gallery to find a screenshot of his ticket. Once he found it, he examined the ticket for its boarding time and date then put it away. “In like a couple or so weeks. I thought I told you?”

“I don’t think you did,” she answered.

She motioned him to give her the device, or at least show her the screen. Of course, he complied. Though insane she is, he does have immense respect for her and Lazulight. Mysta stood up from his seat and approached her. Once in the kitchen area, he flipped his phone towards her, letting her singular visible eye take a peek.

Elira hummed as she inspected the ticket details then pulled back. “Cool. Thanks man!”

She walked away from the kitchen, carrying a glass of water upstairs leaving him even more confused.

It’s been three weeks since his unusual encounter with Elira. He sits idly at a bench by a luggage conveyor in the airport, waiting for his bags to unload from the plane. While waiting, he leans back into his seat and lets out an exhausted sigh. Luckily, no one is seated beside him, so he could just take up all the space on this uncomfortable bench. Still, he couldn’t help but reminisce onto their conversation.

Was she planning something? Was she just curious? What was she cooking?

Now, he’s back in the dreaded land of England, land of the beloathed. He pulls out his phone and immediately checks Discord. The EN server is lively as always, everyone’s practically home but the sense of energy radiates from the screen despite being digital. Like any other liver, he hops in the conversation a bit, sometimes memeing around with the others in the general channel.

Although, he noticed that your icon hasn’t appeared at least once since he landed. He was even paying attention to the top left corner of his screen for a red dot indicating your message. Normally, you’d send him a meme or something to see while he’s asleep or busy. But strangely enough, you haven’t yet. Maybe he should send you something? Or maybe call?

Mysta continues to catch up and reflect on the livers’ vacation in Japan on the server, his attention eventually caught by a familiar bag on the conveyor.

Welp. Looks like he’ll call you later.

—

Thank god Elira had the brain cells to make sure your flight isn’t after his own. Of course, she had to take in account about the flight times since you’re both literally across the globe from each other going to London. To avoid missing him right after landing, you were booked super early into the morning. But sometimes, there’s a possibility that you might be too early when he lands. And, unfortunately, that seems to be the case.

“He lands around midnight,” Elira told you on phone prior to checking in. “So you should be a biiiit early.”

Yeah, by like, 2 hours.

Man, what the hell are you supposed to do for two whole hours? Well, at least you have your phone AND your luggage. You could even people watch in the lobby. But that’s 2 hours!

What’s even more fucked up is that you can’t really use your phone unless you find the wifi. But airport wifi is kinda shitty, especially in England of all places. Talk about a British debuff.

You let out a heavy sigh and collapse into your seat. Napping is out of the question, even though you’re still kind of tired from the flight. Don’t wanna risk missing him by a smidgen, of course. So you ended up roaming around the airport for a while, getting yourself some drinks and snacks to keep you occupied while waiting for your friend. Luckily there were plenty of places to lounge while waiting, so you found a place to sit and enjoy your haul of snacks while waiting.

You did get to connect to the public wifi to look at some memes, but again, it’s the airport wifi. With how slow your phone’s been loading, you eventually disconnect yourself from the wifi after moments of mindless scrolling.

But then you realized something.

You have absolutely no idea what gate he’s in.

Panicked, you scramble to pick up your bags from your side and stand up. Shit, did Elira tell you what airline he took? God, having data in another country would be so helpful. There’s absolutely no way you’re gonna reconnect to the public wifi, it’s too damn slow! If you did have data, you’d look back to your DMs and scrub through your brief conversation from last night.

With a quick glance at your phone, the clock flashes briefly on the screen. 9:20pm, that means his flight’s arriving in less than an hour. Oh shit.

Immediately, you pace briskly throughout the terminals. As you scrounge through the crowds just to take a good look at the terminals, you ask staff for international flights from Japan along the way to help narrow down as much as possible. Throughout the search, you occasionally checked the clock on your phone. 9:40? Shit, his flight should be here now or soon.

“Mysta!” You suddenly shout, passerbys looking at you strangely as you start calling for his name. Your luggage rolls and bumps against the crevices of the floor, bags jostling as you promptly continue your search throughout the terminals. “Mysta Rias!”

Meanwhile, in the same area…

An ashy gray haired man stands in front of the carousel, waiting for the rest of his bags to drop onto the conveyor belt. He pulls out his phone from his pocket, taking a quick glance at his notifications and Discord. His mouth lowers into a frown, his brows furrowing in worry as he notices the lack of notifications from you. Did they really fall asleep?

Clink-clang!

Sunset kissed eyes shift towards the carousel at the sound. Spotting his luggage on the conveyor belt, he walks over to his revolving baggage and lifts them onto the ground. Maybe he’ll shoot you a dm later when he gets home. The handle on his large case clicks as he pulls it up, soon dragging it on its wheels behind him as he heads towards the direction of the exit.

You continue running and searching for him, frantically calling his name throughout the terminal. Your head turns left and right as you look into the surrounding late night crowd, your gaze briefly analyzing each arrival for any hint of his gray hair or his tallness. As you remain standing in the middle of the hall, looking for him, you see a tall man wearing small shades on the bridge of his nose. Gray side hairs framing his face sway into the air as he lugs his bags from the baggage claim and towards the nearest exit.

Without a second thought, your feet starts moving towards him. “Mysta—“ you call. “Mysta!”

After seconds and minutes of searching for him, calling his name and pushing through the crowd as you chase after him. Just a little more…!

“MYSTA!”

And finally… Finally, you see him.

With a clear shout of his name, the gray haired man halts.

Bewildered, he looks left and right until he turns around to see you panting. His heart stopped as he stares at you astonishly. The ambience of the crowd and muffled intercom speakers drowned out as he zoned onto you.

He looked at you.

The person standing just centimeters away from him.

The person who he thought was someone he’d never meet face to face ever.

The person who helped him find a reason to keep going even in the darkest of times.

It felt like hours just staring at each other. It didn’t even feel like there was an ocean of people swarming about and passing by. Without a second thought, Mysta slowly approaches you as if he were to scare you off. As if he didn’t want to wake up, if he is dreaming.

As he gets closer and closer, you didn’t make a move. No, you merely stared at him with wonder and excitement im your eyes.

You both stood across each other, only a few centimeters apart. He blinks several times, even pinching his wrists to disprove his thoughts. But he felt a stinging pain on each part.

An airy huff somewhat resembling a laugh escapes from him. Relief washes over him, and he whispers with a smile, “…Hi.”

You smile back.

“Hi.”

[satancopilotsmytardis]

Shiggy making Dabi play a video game with him and relating his fireflies stats or how many levels he beats to rewards and punishments. It's always the same game every time thought so Dabi is very very slowly getting better at it

Okay, I know this is horny and fun, but I can't help but see Dabi's personality in this situation. Tomura starts him on this, and Dabi gets really cranky about it, like 20 minutes into the planned session, and absolutely wracks up punishments like nobody's business. He is the brattiest that he's been in months, and even though the sex after is really good, Dabi doesn't stop being a brat afterward. Tomura thinks that maybe he just genuinely had a bad time with it and says if Dabi doesn't want to play like that again, then they don't have to. Which causes Dabi to throw another fit and push to do it again. They do, but Tomura has absolutely caught on that something is up. He says they can't scene with this until they can talk, and Dabi just says fine and goes back to normal.

And then Spinner comes to talk to Shig a few days later saying that Dabi has been hanging out with him trying to get to 100% completion on that game, and he is weirdly obsessive over it. Did Tomura say something about it being his favorite game??? Cause Dabi is smoking almost the whole time he's playing, even if it's going well.

Tomura corners Dabi and challenges him to a pvp in the game and he decimates Dabi, and then waits for him to stop being furious and yelling, and when he does, Dabi admits that he never played games as a kid. What he did was train constantly trying to be good at everything and never being good enough at anything to actually have it make a difference. He just wants to be good enough for Tomura now, and Shig abruptly realizes that they accidentally walked right into a trigger for Dabi's trauma that neither of them were expecting.

They talk, and eventually Dabi tells him he does still want Tomura to be able to share the things he loves wirh him, but they decide to not make it a part of play that has an element of punishment for failure. They take the gaming out of sex and Tomura shows Dabi Animal Crossing or some other game he likes that doesn't have obvious markers of success or failure so Dabi can just enjoy playing and existing without strings attached.

[temtoni]

Pt.3 of the Doomed!Au

This time around JAY!

Timeline time:

- So the ninja return to Ninjago from the Neverrealm but without Zane

- They once again start grieving the loss of their teammate but since in Ninjago theres always something going on they are still doing missions

- On one of these said missions Jay finds an unfinished video game “Prime Empire” he sees this as something to do and as something that can distract him from everything going on

- For the next weeks ,heck months even he’s working on finishing the game in his room. Shutting everyone out and coming out of his room only every two days or so for the essentials

- The others get incredibly irritated and annoyed by his behavior but don’t really do anything because they think that this is his way of coping

- Nya though is pissed she needs his support right now but no all he does is lock himself up so she goes to “talk” to him

- They have a big argument about what grief is how to deal with it and everything. Nya thinks Jay should be there for her since she is his girlfriend but he’s to busy trying to deal with the loss of two of his brothers

- Nya then purely out of anger tells him that she’s breaking up with him and runs off, Jay tries to follow her but is way to exhausted (I mean he hasn’t been eating what was he expecting)

- So he decides to continue doing the thing that has been distracting him from his emotions

- After a week or so of useless programming he gets fed up and releases a big charge of electricity onto his computer

- Since he’s currently pretty weak and because it was a high voltage, he passes out and causes a blackout in Ninjago

- When he wakes up he’s in an weirdly familiar place he realizes its the game and that he has trapped himself inside its code

- Meanwhile in Ninjago many arcade cabinets and computers or so started glitching after the blackout and one after the other starts up “prime empire” while Jay finishes up the game from inside of it

- He also figures out that he can leave the game but it causes both him and his game to glitch like crazy

- the Ninja find out and try to talk to him but all he does is make a message appear on the screen and ban them from the game

—————————————————————————

Sooo Jay, Jay in this au is isn’t a hero or a villain he’s just Jay. He doesn’t trap people in his game like unagami but it is kinda hard to leave as you have to get through the main story line first or well die. If you asked him as to why he’s staying in the digital world he would answer sth along the lines of “The people here want me to be here” “They need me to be here” etc. He wants to make sure that the players are having fun and he keeps adding more and more features.

Also while the ninja are banned, Cole isn’t Jay hopes that since Cole shares his love for video games he might come visit one day. (He is 100% sure that Cole isn’t dead, the others called him crazy for it)

—————————————————————————

Also (since you can’t see it) he still has fangs from when he was almost turned into a serpentine but he hides them with his scarf.

The updates will now slow down because i have to work and stuff but I am planning on designing the main 6 ninjas at least.

Maybe even some side characters like Akita? i’m not sure yet.

There might be some textposts about more detailed versions of what exactly happened etc maybe even some smaller doodles :)

[jame7t]

Can I ask if you use OBS for streaming? And also any tips for an aspiring streamy girl? *looks at you with the wettest eyes*

I do use OBS ! If youre not really familiar with it, its totally worth looking up some simple tutorials for. Once you can get a grasp on the program in general, its super modular and fun to mess around with. I think my biggest pieces of advice for streaming are like. 1: IGNORE those numbers queen. It can be super easy to see streamers with anywhere from 29-100 viewers and feel sucks about an average of like. 1-4. but literally anyone who uses twitch- or any platform- has to start there unless you're already situated on a different platform!

These are my average viewers from 2020- its taken me a long time to do anything on twitch, but its been a hell of a lot of fun, and its let me meet some of my best friends in the world because of it! Streaming is a great way to meet people, which brings me to point 2: Absolutely be careful who you meet! I've met a lot of really great people on the site- but as much as small streamers gotta stick together, there's some real stinkers out there who only want to 'network' with you. I won't pretend im BFFs with everyone I interact with on the platform- we're like neighbors <3- but I can confidently say I've never spoken to someone with intentions of clout chasing. The internet's the internet- stay safe out there lmao Ironically this becomes less of a problem the more you stream, you kinda learn to spot it, but back when I was at around 300 followers I absolutely had some incidents where people were playing some real booboo games to try get closer to me. Lots of streamers have promo channels in their respective discords- places you can link your stream when you're going live- just make sure you're an active-ish member of the community if you plan on doing that! Chatters are way more likely to stop by if they recognize you- and its pretty rude to be completely silent in 45 discords unless you're going live- 3: have fun!! Twitch is still just a hobby for me- its admittedly helped me out of a few rougher financial months at random points in the last few years- but im still very far away from making it my full time job in any capacity. Pace yourself- play games with your friends- and have fun! Worrying about growth and money is a pointless endeavor- because twitch will not help you grow! 4: Use Other Platforms: (as well, i mean) There's a lot of youtube videos and tutorials debating the best streaming site- "ahh heres why i left twitch forever vs aahhh heres why im leaving youtube forever" but it boils down to Sites Is Sucks ALWAYS. Forever. If you want to grow on twitch- or any site- make sure you're posting about your streams elsewhere too! Not JUST stream promo posts, but highlights and clips as well! If you can get some sort of editing software, subtitling them expands their reach a TON across the board, though it does take more time to subtitle them. People wont know what youre doing unless you tell them! Now, this does mean you might have to download the dreaded tiktok- I can't speak for the quality of that site in terms of getting people to watch streams; but twitch itself has sent me emails in the past recommending I post clips to tiktok. Plenty of streamers do it- use your best judgement, and what sites you think you can adapt to! Tiktok honestly might be better for getting your clips out there without a preexisting audience- when I first started streaming, I had 6000 followers on tumblr and my promo posts regularly got 1-4 notes- Nothing against those 6000; a promo post is tragically similar to an ad! Of course they wouldnt click it. They dont know how sweet and awesome and silly i am and how my friends mash me with hammers. Theyd want to see that. [The Promo Posts Were Also MID] Some of these things might sound weirdly specific or erratic but its 1 AM and im just recounting some random knowledge ive gained- none of this is a science of course, people might swear the opposite for some of these things. But! Have Fun

[mike-haters-dni]

Some S5 Ideas, Before Information Starts Coming Out And They Get Destroyed lol, Pt. I

Part II | Part I.V

Roughly ordered from most to least likely to actually happen, but I'm at most like 50% on any of these. Except for the first one which is a 100% :)

No one dies. Yeah, that’s right. Maiming is on the table tho.

The Duffs said we were getting the original groups back together so I’m running with the idea that our boys (and girl) spend the majority of the season as a unit. (yes, this is mostly about the party, I only think about them lmao)

Mike and El have twin arcs that center around responsibility. They are both officially named the party’s leaders who get the last say on anything the group does, specifically for dangerous situations to make sure the group works together. Technically El is the Supreme Leader who gets the final say if they disagree on anything and generally isn't argued with, but Mike is more often coming up with and overseeing plans. They both take this role very seriously, and end up putting perhaps unnecessary pressure on themselves. They both feel responsible for keeping everyone safe, to the point where they would gladly sacrifice themselves if it meant making sure no one else got hurt or died. Mike grapples with his own fears and starts to buckle under this newfound feeling of being responsible for his friends lives, while El also feels the larger responsibility of being the only person with the power to actually fix the apocalypse. Does this mean she has to be willing to do absolutely anything to fix it? Is she even actually the only solution? Does she have to prioritize saving the world over saving her friends?

Lucas of course feels horrible about “letting” max die and funnels his regret into training to make sure he never loses a fight again. As soon as they figure out a plan to get her back he’s on the warpath, and ends up making some game-winning (and very risky, much to Mike's chagrin) plays for the mission.

Will’s arc is about him finding his own self-worth, and ends with him getting to physically defeat the representation of his trauma.

Nancy teaches Mike how to shoot a gun.

Hawkins gets destroyed. I want it destroyed. The rot from the gates and the gates themselves spread over time and eventually monsters come pouring out, making the area completely inhabitable and everyone gets evacuated and the town is closed off. Of course, our heroes eventually have to sneak back into it to fix The Plot. Imagine a scene where they go to the Wheeler house looking for something and have this terrible “oh shit. Nothing is ever going to be the same again” moment as they see how broken down and destroyed everything is. Our homes are destroyed and there’s no going back. It’s like a metaphor.

Everyone ends up having to begrudgingly work with the government/military to fix Hawkins cuz I mean, there's no way they’re leaving the area of this insane alien disaster and someone on the Alien Disaster Response Team is going to know about Eleven and realize that she’s their best resource for fixing this (again lol). Our heroes agree to this because they don’t really have a choice, plus the military has a ton of resources that they can steal utilize.

I also want that timeskip. A lot of it is spent in a makeshift military base in the next town over trying to figure out how to approach the Vecna problem, who has been weirdly absent for too long. There’s very much a held-breath, dread vibe during this section.

During this lull, everyone trains to become apocalypse-ready, and El finally gets an unironic, non-trauma-based training arc to become the finely-honed, superpowered boss bitch she was always meant to be.

Also Dustin learns a good deal about field medicine, which becomes a skill that he utilizes at least once in a very life-or-death situation later.

The other half/two-thirds of the story is spent traveling to the heart of the apocalyptic Hawkins after confirming the military can’t be trusted.

Will gets slightly more utility out of his monster sensing powers/curse than just being able to tell that the giant ominous rumbling is danger, actually. He can more or less read their minds and sense where they are in an area, which allows the group to avoid or ambush them. It would also be really cool if there was some moment where he sensed some goal the monsters had and it was all spooky and cryptic, or he figures out a way to mask his presence from them and there's a tense scene where he sneaks through a heavily infested area to get to something. Idk, the show’s scifi magic system barely has rules anyway we can have fun with it.

Max gets woken up halfway through the season and has some important new information that is the key to stopping Vecna. I like the idea that she retains like 20% vision and her bones healed through the coma (and the timeskip cough), so she forces the boys to bring her with them on the final mission to end everything despite their reasonable concerns about her physical state. Just so we can have the whole group together.

Continuing the responsibility theme, the idea of El having to sacrifice herself to fix everything is brought up multiple times. She never argues with this—its clear she agrees on some level, but then when the moment comes for her to do the thing and die to save the world, she decides “fuck it, I wanna live actually” and fights her way back to her friends.

The one time someone (Dustin) is brave (dumb) enough to suggest El sacrificing herself in front of Mike he almost spontaneously combusts with rage and gets to say the one ‘fuck’ of the season. I would say lmao but its actually a very intense emotional scene ok take this seriously please.

Mike finally gets a real Violence Moment (checkhov did lend him a gun). As well as anyone else that wants one.

It would be fun to see Dustin like legitimately bitter and angry after what happened to Eddie. He blames the townspeople for Eddie’s death and generally lacks empathy for anyone opposing them. Not sure how that would wrap up for him though.

El loses her powers permanently at the end of the show. I just think it would be a good ending for her to finally get to be normal, and not have the government breathing down her back (as much) anymore.

Part II | Part I.V

[changeling-fae]

G, L, Y, U for the asks!

Thanks!

G - Have you ever had an OTP? If so, do you remember your first one? Who was in it?

Lol, boy, and how! I live and breathe otp’s. My very first otp was probably Seto Kaiba x Serenity Wheeler, from YuGiOh. They were the first fanfic I ever read on fanfiction.net, lol. First otp ship I ever contributed to fandom for was Sesshomaru x Kagome from Inuyasha, where I wrote my very first fics and did fanart.

Though if we want to get really cheeky, I could argue that my very first ship was the knife and the spoon, from cutlery and making them kiss as a tiny kiddo, lol.

L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves. (Characters you’re neutral about are fair game, as are characters you merely dislike. Characters that you absolutely loathe with the fire of ten thousand suns are exempt, as there is no point in giving yourself an aneurysm over a character that you hate.)

Hmmm, this is weirdly tough for me, not the complimenting part, but because I have a weird metric of how I view characters. Hm, let’s go with… Mizora. I’m overall neutral on her but I appreciate her petty bitch energy. If I were a cambion, I’d like to be as ambitious as Raphael but in reality I’d be like Mizora and I do appreciate a good petty play. It’s the Gemini in me, lol.

U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.

I have many favorites but I’ll go with Harley Quinn from Batman, Grunkle Stan from Gravity Falls, and since brainrot be real, Raphael from BG3.

Harley Quinn has been a favorite character of mine since I was a kid watching Batman the Animated Series. I’ve always been a fan of theatrical aesthetics (circus, theatre, commedia dell’arte, etc) and she’s just such a fun character. I’ve really liked over the years how she’s waffled between villain and anti-hero and how she’s not a perfect victim. Also Harley Quinn x Poison Ivy is a top tier ship.

Grunkle Stan because one of my biggest weaknesses in fiction is a sad morally grey older man but who is also protective of his family. He’s fucked up in his life so many times but he keeps trying. I’m a sucker for that. But also he’s just a great character. He’s made me laugh and cry and honestly that’s just a good criteria for any character. I’ve 100% played the fanmade Grunkle dating simulator and no regrets or shame.

And speaking of morally grey, or in this case, completely terrible older men. Raphael, my beloved. I played BG3 in its EA days and the very first time he appeared I was smitten. His voice obviously but also he had my favorite introduction into the game (and still does). The fact that his devil transformation involved a snazzy belt and different shoes is what really sold him to me. He’s so stupidly extra and it calls to my theatre kid nature, lol. I do miss the EA days of him roasting our camp 5 sec after inviting himself.

All that being said, I just enjoy his character within the game too. I like that he’s obviously a villain but he’s chill with us. In part because he wants something from us but I like that it kinda transforms for him into a double obsession. Obviously, crown comes first but there’s something just so delightfully fun about him writing about our character in his journal (entry number 2 is the stuff ships are made of). That he’s a cringefail theatre kid with daddy issues while being thousands of years old is partly what makes him endearing. I loved finding his fanfiction in his house and I love how stupidly bad his hell domination plan is (you’re doing amazing sweetie).

And one other bonus to liking his character is I got to make new friends and moots in particular in his corner of the fandom. 💖

Y - What are your secondhand fandoms (i.e., fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)?

Hm, I’d say currently, Helluva Boss, I’ve got a couple friends into that show. It’s certainly on my list of things to eventually sit down and watch but for now I see it through what my friends show me. Looks good though!

[aidenlyons]

There's an small rec room in Aiden's building and since homework is light this last week of school, he decides to do a puzzle.

Jake called last night and is fitting in well. He didn't have a lot of privacy but Aiden was pleased when he ended the call with, "Love you, goodnight."

When a teen enters, it's a surprise. He's a classmate, Aiden remembers. A jock, though he can't remember if he was a football player. Elias, he thinks the boy's name is?

E: Oh hey. Hey. Aiden, right? I didn't know you lived here!

A: Um. Yeah. For.. a few months now. You too?

(Elias created by Sean_olney on Twitter/X/Bluesky)

Elias sits with a friendly, open smile. Outgoing people make Aiden uncertain.

E: Yeah, just moved in. 'Rents were gonna move during the trip, then I got sick right before, so I couldn't go. Sucks, man. Hey, I'm Elias. Sorry, that was rude.

A: Oh, I'm.. sorry. And yeah, I know.

To add to the fun, Mr. H steps in, equally as surprised to see them.

Mr H: Mr. Anderson, Aiden. Good afternoon.

E: Hey, Mr. H! Man, you live here too? Small world!

A: Yeah, it is.

Mr H: I was just passing through. Nice to see someone down here.

Elias looks worried when Mr. H leaves.

E: Sorry to crash in if you were trying to find a quiet spot..

A: Nono! It's fine! Sorry I just.. People don't usually come talk to me..

E: Probably just nervous. I mean, you got Jake Lawson wrapped around your finger.

A: I- What?? If asked, Aiden would deny the high pitch of his voice and the crack in it.

E: Hah! Aw, don't even deny it. Anyone with eyes sees it. You look good together. Seems nice. What even is going on right now?

Aiden feels like he stepped into the Twilight Zone.

A: Um. Thank you? So um, do you... know Jake?

E: Not like, personally. He seems awesome though. Nice guy.

Aiden still isn't sure why Elias is talking to him? Attractive men do not just talk to him. Wait.. he's not.. flirting? Not after what he said, right?

Elias seems to sense Aiden's internal struggle though. Or it's written all over his face.

E: Sorry if I'm freaking you out, man. If we're gonna be neighbors, just figured we could be friends, y'know?

A: So you're not.. weirdly.. flirting or something?

Elias barks a laugh, his quick reply making Aiden relax with a sigh. And a blush.

E: Watcher, no. I'm completely, 100% straight, man. No offense, but I'm only into the ladies.

A: Oh thank goodness. Sorry, I mean - it's just I don't - I'm not -

E: I get it. It's all good, bud.

A: Sorry. I'm not very good at.. making friends.

E: Just gotta practice, s'all. Anyway, what are your plans for summer?

A: Oh. I'm going to look for a place in Britechester, since Jake's going there. Find a new job, stuff like that. You?

E: Yeah, I'll be going to Britechester too, so gotta prepare. Get stuff for my dorm, decide what I wanna take. Maybe I'll see you around next year.

A: Oh, I won't be attending.. College isn't really my thing. Jake got a Football scholarship though, so maybe I will.

E: Speaking of Britechester, I have some of their games recorded from last season and there's this awesome system down here. Wanna check it out?

Surprisingly, Aiden has really started to enjoy watching football.

A: Sure, yeah. There's a popcorn maker too, I'll get it started.

The games were recorded off TV, but Aiden kind of likes it. It helps him understand some of what's going on, or things about the players. It's a fun way to spend a few hours. Elias is definitely someone he can just hang out with. It'll be nice to have another friend.

[vout-vouniern]

SIDE ORDER SPOILERS AHEAD. PLEASE BE ADVISED IF YOU HAVE NOT 100% THE DLC YET.

tldr: I give it a feesh/10. Would recommend.

So I’ve just beaten the last palette for Side Order and now I just wanna go through my thoughts on each palette, the enemy/level design, you know, a review. I’ll try to keep it organized…

Let’s start with basics. As a roguelike, Side Order does exactly what it sets out to do. You go up 10 floors, getting at least one upgrade per floor, then fight a boss. Do that three times, and bingo you win. Much like any roguelike I’ve seen, the primary difficulty is self-set; you can upgrade your runs to make them easier, or set up unique challenges to test yourself. It’s also quite easy to get an OP run going as long as you find the right chips, which does mean a fair bit of RNG can make or break a run, though with enough permanent upgrades (aka hacks) you more or less can beat any run.

The gameplay loop is mostly solid besides all the ink everywhere except for the zone defense floors, at least imo. Portal destroying is more or less a damage check, and fairly simple to complete. Alla Mambo floors are my favorite, mostly because I adore sunfish and therefore the levels where you get to chase em are real fun! Turbine Tower takes the idea of Tower Control and actually makes it fun! Zone defense, on the other hand, kinda falls apart at higher stages unless your kit has some real firepower in it. It’s not uncommon to see like 3 Drizzling Carpaccios riding Battering Lentos all heading to the zone at once, which means you need both high DPS to take the Lentos down then good paint to fix the mess the Carpaccios made- oh wait there’s 20 Marching Andantes coming, gotta deal with- wait nope outta ink, gotta leave- and now they have zone. AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE ONE FLOOR THAT’S JUST TOWERING NOBILMENTES AND DRIZZLING CARPACCIOS WITH TWO ZONES EITHER SIDE OF THE MAP, WHICH IS PAINFUL TO TRAVERSE REGARDLESS OF WEAPON.

Now onto Palettes. These act as your starter decks, which is a really fun choice though I do wish we weren’t so restricted with possible weapons. I’d love to see a Squeezer or S-BLAST run but alas, there’s no custom runs at all. Anyway, onto each Palette and what I like/dislike about it. I’ll describe them as main weapon-starting sub weapon-starting special weapon-primary/secondary tones (which describe what types of upgrades you’re more likely to see)

Dualies-Curling Bomb-Reefslider-Lucky/Support I don’t know why they nerfed Dualies as hard as they did for this, but they don’t feel all that great to use until you get some good upgrades. On top of that, neither the sub or special are all that, plus why doesn’t Pearl have a tone for, idk, herself!? Oddly enough, the game sets a weirdly bad first impression of what’s to come. Probably my second least favorite palette.

Brella-Sprinkler-Ink Storm-Drone/Power Now this is a fun palette to use, though not for the reasons you may think. Much like Salmon Run, Brella is actually a good weapon here; between having decent damage and all the utility that comes with the shield, it feels great to use straight outta the box! Sprinkler also happens to be one of the better subs for it; helps with painting zones and charging special. Not that Ink Storm is a good special in this…at least Drone makes for a good back-up plan if your Power Brella hits a bad point. Also you can get an upgrade that locks the shield making it play like Undercover it’s so good!

Shot-Splat Bomb-Trizooka-Range/Mobility Wow the shooter is good despite the Side Order nerfs who would’ve thought. Kit is obviously good, though I don’t find myself picking up mobility often…

Roller-Burst Bomb-Kraken-Power/Lucky Power on a roller is…almost everything you’d want out of a roller. See, the biggest problem with this palette is that anything related to rolling is usually in the Mobility tone, not Power, so this palette really should’ve been Power/Mobility imo. Besides that, Burst does burst things and Kraken is solid too, though it does struggle with hitting portals too far off the ground…

Charger-Ink Mine-Triple Inkstrike-Support/Range So this is probably the most busted palette in the game. I’ll keep it brief, but you can essentially get a Grizzco Charger whilst laying tons of mines (which are insanely good against swarms) and you start with what’s probably the second best special in the DLC due to its high damage and utility. If you’re having trouble winning, or just want a breezy time, pick this.

Stringer-Toxic Mist-Killer Wail 5.1-Mobility/Range Stringer plays kinda close to non-grizzified charger but mainly has better taps/partials in exchange for worse full charges over charger. Neither Toxic Mist nor Wail 5.1 are any good, so you might wanna get those replaced asap. Mobility also doesn’t have much synergy with bow so not a great palette overall.

Splatana-Fizzy Bomb-Crab Tank-Lucky/Drone This is kinda a weird palette overall. Stamper does Stamper things mostly, but the luck really just makes this one feel unique. To my surprise Fizzy ended up on the lower end of subs in Side Order for me, but that was more than compensated for with the best special in the DLC: THE ALMIGHTY CRAB. Also my first floor 30 clear!

Slosher-Suction Bomb-Triple Inkstrike-Support/Drone Man, this should’ve been Power/Support it would’ve been nuts. Still, Support/Drone works well enough for it, plus the overall kit is fantastic. Love this one!

Blaster-Curling Bomb-Wave Breaker-Range/Power Ugh, this is by far the worst main weapon of all of them. It’s got no range, fire rate, dps, or aoe despite being a blaster. It just fails in pretty much every way unless you get the right chips. As if that wasn’t bad enough, the sub and special are not great either. This is by far the hardest palette to clear, including the last one…

Brush-Ink Mine-Ultra Stamp-Mobility/Lucky Thankfully this brush is quite good at dealing with swarms, even at low upgrades. Biggest downside of this palette is no range, but since you’re getting Mobility chips it’s accounted for. Solid palette all around (except for Stamp).

Splatling-Splash Wall-Booyah Bomb-Drone/Support I DIDN’T FORGET THIS ONE AND ADD IT IN POST SHADDUP. Splatling is the weapon class I’m worst at but honestly it didn’t feel all too bad. Support’s a great tone for it, and having Pearl slap mines everywhere is always gonna be great. I will never understand how to use wall, and Booyah Bomb feels…surprisingly weak? Like, its damage is not super there or anything. Eh, it’s mot terrible anyway.

Octo Shot-Splat Bomb-Triple Splashdown-Power/Mobility Hoo boy this one’s a doozy. This is the same thing as the Order Shot, but with a different starting special and more importantly, a worse limit on how many chips you can have based on how many hacks you have available. It seems tricky at first, but then you realize the minimum chips is 6 so you get one Main Piercing chip and some Power and boom, done. Honestly feel this final challenge could’ve been done better, not to mention the final boss’s reaction to its final loss was a bit lackluster, to say the least. Ah well, least the weapon’s cool.

Oh, lastly Cipher’s Siftings has some neat stuff to buy once you’re done spending Prlz on hacks. Nice little feature to round off the DLC.

And I think that’s all my thoughts. Guess if you have any questions lmk.

[blacktobackmesa]

"Gordon’s gut feeling was not liking the direction this was going in.

'So I took it,' Benrey continued. 'It was the story that made sense to Gordon Freeman, so it was probably the right one. If I could play the part of Final Boss, maybe I could have some story that made sense. And like, if I was secretly planning all this, that’s so much cooler than having to believe that everything about the way I work is–'

Benrey stopped himself, but seemed to realize it was already too late. He closed his mouth with a half-grumble, half-sigh.

'A mistake,' he finished. 'Being the awesome final boss was easier than accepting I don’t work.'

The metaphorical cards were all on the table. Gordon could never forget that boss fight, with the gigantic warping form of a security guard spouting line after line of a nonsense narrative in what Gordon had assumed was some attempt at scaring the team off. 

But that had never been true, had it? Benrey hadn’t been trying to get anyone to do anything. It had all been for him. He was throwing out narrative hook after narrative hook, trying to get anything to stick to the wall and establish that he was a part of the world. He’d tried every angle– appeal to emotion, nostalgia, crude humor, a grand adventure, even video game developer corporate conflict. It was all a Hail Mary toss, and it was never caught.

'Holy shit, dude.' Gordon could only whisper."

For the fanfic commentary, this was one of my favorite parts of "Don't Spell Memory Without Me" and I was genuinely blown away by how good and smart this interpretation of Benry is for the Gordon streamman series and I would love to hear your thoughts on it. <3

In response to this prompt

[cracks knuckles] FUCK yes let's go. Ramble time

So neat fact about this. I posted the first chapter of Memory in late May of 2022, and it took several more months to get to the Benrey reveal. I actually put this explanation of Benrey’s actions in a joke text post in mid April, and it got exactly twenty notes. Foreshadowing level 100. 

I have a close friend who I bounce all my ideas around with, which is a very necessary part of the creative process for me. It also makes it handy to keep track of when my ideas came around– my first discord message to them that discussed the concept of Benrey having no past and improvising everything is dated to February, and it was in the middle of a chat about the story that would evolve into Run For Your Life. So it’s been floating in Headcanon Space since before the Streamman series got a solid start. Dang, it’s been around since before I started my current job! 

Benrey’s just so interesting, you know? He’s weirdly powerful. He follows his own set of rules, and doesn’t like it when other people don’t. He’s not human. He says all sorts of stuff that doesn’t make sense, even when the stakes are at their highest. What’s his motivation? Why is any of this happening? There’s never a concrete answer, but from another perspective, it’s pretty simple. He’s in an improv scene.

I’m an ex-theater kid, and I’ve done my fair share of improv. I took a class a couple years ago held by this big-name local theater, getting back in touch with the basics. Most people are familiar with the classic “Yes, And” rule– you can’t turn down the fact that your scene partner just gave you. You have to accept that as reality, and then build on it. 

Gordon, of course, breaks the golden rule right off the bat. It wouldn’t be turning Benrey down if he just went “Oh I don’t have it, I meant to bring it today.” It’s the fact that he’s confused about being asked. As a character, Gordon (not Wayne) is a terrible improv partner, and the scene is supposed to be all about him. Benrey’s existence is defined by and contained within an improv scene, and this guy keeps turning down all his leads. So when Gordon gives him something to work with– a role as an antagonist– he has to take it. 

This interpretation of Benrey is also rooted in my own experience with neurodivergence, and with something I call the Spicy Banana effect. There’s a name for it, probably, but I like Spicy Banana. I’ve heard anecdotes about people who have gone decades without realizing they have a banana allergy since nobody had ever told them what bananas were supposed to taste like. And why would you? Everyone knows what bananas taste like, and since the affected person never got seriously ill, they just assumed that everyone tasted bananas as spicy. Among other things, I was well into my teenage years before I found out that it doesn’t take most people well over an hour to fall asleep every night. When you don’t have context, it’s easy to feel like everyone is just managing obvious problems better than you are. Finding out the truth is double sided: you have the relief of knowing you’re not bad, you’re just different, but you can also feel cheated. I’ve had to deal with carrying rocks in my backpack this whole time, and their backpacks were empty?

As a final note, I want to talk about a bit in this excerpt that I'm unsatisfied with, but refuse to change.

["]And like, if I was secretly planning all this, that’s so much cooler than having to believe that everything about the way I work is–"

Benrey stopped himself, but seemed to realize it was already too late. He closed his mouth with a half-grumble, half-sigh.

"A mistake," he finished. "Being the awesome final boss was easier than accepting I don’t work."

The final line in this part doesn't really feel like something Benrey would say. It's hard to articulate exactly, but it feels melodramatic in a very DeviantArt Sad Wolf Drawing kind of way. It's a little too honest for Benrey, like he's breaking character. But I can see how that could make it hit even harder for some, y'know? Like he's letting his guard down. It's not my favorite line, but I won't touch it. It's fine the way it is.

Thanks so much for picking my brain with this. I will always talk about my work I love it so much

[monstah-fukkah]

hi! i love your fankids, but i’m wondering how they all fit together, like who knows who and what universe/au each is from, or do they all know each other?

oh hey !! awww shucks ty?? that's so sweet ! honestly i work full-time and only work on this whole fankid au thing very sparingly. so it's honestly just a whole bunch of random ideas i slap together when i feel like it.

so sorry if this is long and unorganized !!

but to actually answer your question.

for my main au, i combine a mishmash of the comics/games/etc that i like and roll with it. they do all essentially know each other but some interact more than others !! here's a break down if it helps any !!

six (sonadow fankid) & void (eclipse x surge fankid) are experiment tube siblings. they're trauma bonded bc backstory !! they get along for the most part but fight just as often. they're just very different ppl. but at the end of the day you'll catch them cuddled together somewhere bc they can't be without each other at the end of the day.

six is super paranoid and doesn't trust most ppl. he prefers the company of lil' critters and less so the company of other ppl. he gets along best with knox bc she's super chill and the biggest sweetheart outta all my fankids.

void is best friends with bijou (knuxouge fankid). void's a huge trouble maker and so is bijou. they love to cause mischief. honestly just real lil' shits.

void's technically related to roxxi through surge's dna !! roxxi is much more invested in maintaining a sisterly relationship between them than void is. void's pretty indifferent about discovering she has a half-sister.

knox (knuxouge fankid) is bijou's older sister.

knox is best friends with roxxi (surgeamy fankid) and olive (vectilla fankid). knox is super calm. she's the voice of reason between her two best friends bc they tend to but heads over the smallest things. she takes her job as the next guardian of the master emerald very seriously.

roxxi has a strained relationship with surge. amy and surge tried and failed to make it work between them.

roxxi is super into circus stuff !! she loves everything about it and wants to join it someday. she's always practicing different tricks and trying out different acts.

olive wasn't planned between vector and vanilla but she was a welcomed addition to the blended family. olive takes mostly after vector. she's loud, determined, loves music, and loves to take charge. she can be super stubborn and thinks she's right 100% of the time.

flare the cat (blazamy fankid) is roxxi and the twins half-sibling! amy and blaze end up together and decide to have a tube baby together. roxii and the twins end up as step-siblings. they're just a large weirdly loving mixed family !!

flare tries and fails to hang out with the other fankids her age. void thinks she's annoying and bijou thinks she's creepy. flare is big into matchmaking and fortune telling !! she's best friends with wink (whispangle fankid).

rem & rev (silvaze fankids) are the twins. their parents are divorced so they get shuffled around between wherever the two reside at the moment.

rev's a lot more outgoing than rem. she tries to get along with everyone but she can be pretty loud and obnoxious. some tolerate her more than others. she gets along the best with roxxi !!

rem's super broody and angsty. legit just the stereotypical "i'm to cool for school" kid. they tend to keep to themselves but tolerate olive !! they are both super into music.

wink the red panda was adopted by whisper and tangle !! she's the youngest of the fankids. she's 9 yrs old. she's completely blind and has been from birth. she loves drawing and wants to become a famous artist one day. flare is her bestie and super encouraging of her dreams.

.

.

.

.

my 2nd fankid au is something i work even less on. again it's a mismatch of the games/comics/etc but focuses more on multiverses!! it takes inspiration from sonic prime and sonic frontiers.

the short synopsis is that sage is heavily corrupted and is the villian of the au. she makes use of the starfall islands and opens up portals in different universes that house angel island. she plans to lore in ppl and have them play her games.

in one universe that's based in present day mobius, rascal (sonamy fankid), relic (knuxouge fankid), and d.a.t.a (tail's robot assistant) are exploring angel island. they stumble onto the portal and get sucked inside.

in the other universe that's based in the present day sol dimension, rush (sonaze fankid) and his buddy bloom (a super distant relative of taismo) are exploring their version of angel island. they stumble into the portal at the same time as the other crew.

sage says only one group can escape the island so it turns into a team a vs team b thing.

rush the cat is the heir to the sol dimension. he's not very confident and not having great control over his flame abilities doesn't help the matter. he's a huge bookworm. rush lives a very sheltered life and it shows. he's not much of an adventurer so this whole experience really has him out of his comfort zone and panicking.

bloom the foxtail is rush's best friend. they're overly confident and don't have a care in the world. they're very sassy and love to annoy rush. they have earth based powers and can control plants ! they don't take many things seriously and this game of sage's is no different.

rascal rose takes a lot after her father. she loves to run, leap into danger, and hang out with her best friends. the only thing is that she has asthma. if she runs too fast for too long she suffers the consequences. she's super insecure about this and hates to talk about it. she belives her ailment doesn't exist and nothing will stop her !!

relic is rascal's oldest friend. they're a few days apart and have been inseparable since they were in diapers. relic is quiet and stoic ! he doesn't say much but that's fine with rascal who talks enough for the both of them. he'd much rather talk with his hands. he's super into different fighting styles and loves to train with rascal. he's very proud of his heritage and proudly wears the clothing donned by his ancestors. he's the protector or the group and guards his friends aggressively.

d.a.t.a was created by tails under the guise of being a personal assistant. in reality d.a.t.a was created to keep an eye on rascal and her condition since she refuses to take care of herself. he always has an inhaler on hand and will hound her relentlessly about it. he is still rather new to the world and very naive about how things work. he's super curious and absolutely adores learning about the world around him.

sorry again that this was so long but i hope that this cleared some things up !!

[ff7central]

Mod Miri here! Today on the blog we have Upside (she/they), who can be found here on Tumblr and Archive of Our Own. 

General FF7 Questions

Who is your favourite character from the FFVII setting? What do you love about them?

I write most often with Sephiroth and Cloud, but my favorite character is Barret. I love Barret and I always have. He starts out rough and gruff, but you find out fast he is not at all. He fights because he feels he has to. Most of all I love that he is a great father. It's a huge point of contention that he leaves Marlene behind, but I think it gets glossed over that it kills him to not be with her. If he's with her, however, it means he isn't fighting to make sure she has a future worth living, but every moment away he is thinking about her and missing her terribly. I love him. I love that inner conflict and the guilt he faces and fights past. He's just so *chef's kiss*

Favourite party (three person team) idea when playing FFVII? They don’t have to actually work mechanically (or even be possible in the game), just that you like the idea of them together as a fighting party.

Cloud-Barret-Nanaki. I don't know why I played as these guys so much. I forced myself to try and even out the team XP, but I always came back to these guys.

Is there a headcannon or AU you want to see more of?

That's a question I'm more likely to ask everyone else. I'm always coming up with headcanons and AUs. They just pour out of me. I can't really think of one that's stuck with me for super long.

Do you have a favourite memory associated with FF7 (any part of compilation) or something particular you did while playing (such as what you named the characters, or how you arranged your materia) that you think is unique that you'd like to share?

Creator Questions

Who has been the most difficult character to write/draw? Who has been the easiest?

Aerith. I love her and her characterization, but she is a tough nut to crack for me. She is a far, far cry from a damsel needing rescue, but there's a lot of issues to unpack for her. A lot of secrets she never told and probably planned to. I struggle to reach the parts of her that probably did need help without taking away the chaos and the strength she 100% had.

What’s your ideal creating environment? Background noise/silence, indoors/outdoors, desk/couch, etc.?

I am a freak of nature. I write best in a silent room, laying down or sprawled over a couch. It doesn't have to be dark, but it does have to be inside.

What’s your creative process look like? Pantser/Emotive Writer/Gardener or Planner/Structured Writer/Architect? (Do you outline or just go with the flow?) If you’re an artist, do you do a lot of sketches, or just dive right in? Backgrounds first, or the main focal point? Multiple layers or all in one?

I'm a definite pantser. I go with the flow, but it only works so long as there is a flow. I'm trying desperately to at least make a general outline of fics now and I write those in pencil so I can't say I lost the drafts.

What do you do when you get stuck on a project?

Walk away. Sometimes literally. I'll go for a walk and just think it over, try and walk a mile in the character's shoes. Sometimes (often) I walk away for far too long.

Do you do commissions, requests, or prompts? (If you have a page for it, drop a link.)

I take headcanon prompts almost all the time on tumblr. On occasion I will do full-fic requests in exchange for a charity donation (your choice).

Which of your works is the most memorable to you? I don’t necessarily mean favourite or best work, it could be the work that taught you the most through making it or that holds a special reason in its creation. Drop a link.

Test Notes from the ShinRa Handheld Portal Device is a fic I wrote, in several large chunks during Do Good Weirdly sessions in the Summer and Winter. This event is a huge challenge but a ton of fun. Authors and Artists from fandoms all over spend a set amount of time just creating non-stop. At the end, the creators donate to a charity of their choice. It is an amazing time to spend with some rad and creative people and I highly recommend joining us this winter for the next session

Without them I never would have written this crossover fic I'm insanely proud of: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32666962/chapters/81036598

It’s hard for me to go through everything you’ve done to pick stuff to mention. Is there a particular piece you’d like plugged, other than the one in the last question?

Nerd Chic is my most popular fic. It's an ASGZC slow burn where Cloud gets glasses: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3170231/chapters/6884306

I also particularly love You are What you Eat. It's cheesy, sappy soul mate fun and good for a rainy day: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22742071/chapters/54342010

Community/Fandom Questions

What aspects of fandom spark the most joy for you?

The people. There is negativity everywhere, but once you curate your followers and your friends there's nothing that can beat just seeing what the people you let around you create. Y'all are amazing.

Is there something you'd like to see more of in the community?

Commenting and Reblogging. I'm guilty of liking and moving on and forgetting, but art and fic die if it doesn't spread around. Reblog and Comment if you like it and want to see more. It means more to the creators. It really does.

Anything you’d like to say to the community?

Thanks for making this a space that has sparked so much joy. I've loved this game since I was a kid and I'm so happy to just sit and talk with others who do too.

Is there a work belonging to someone else that you’d like to plug?

I love Pedulum by Evil Robot Cat: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3170231/chapters/6884306

And also all of the Cat's artwork. It's good stuff

I would also recommend all of Illusioneery's work art and fic. There's a lot to pick from.

Thanks so much for joining me, Upside! You are a pleasure to have in our community. 

Interested in participating in a FF7Central interview, or nominating someone? Check out the form here.

[ajdrawshq]

ztd crossover with kh but it's just Carlos meeting Terra, Diana meeting Aqua and Sean meeting Ven. Cursed or blessed concept. Go

HM. WELL. i immediately leaned toward cursed bc like (gestures vaguely at ztd) but that feels mean so im gonna try putting some thought into this

Carlos and Terra :] very good pair for the most part i think. just 2 big older bros doing what they do to try to help people.. but it all goes to shit kupo. i can see them getting along pretty well, both due to their personal experiences and bc of who they are in general. also now that i think abt it its kinda funny that both of them happen to be plagued by visions but only Carlos' have an actual explanation?? Terra morphogenetic field moment?? even funnier is that both of them have the same "welp. anyway" reaction to it like yeah this just happens sometimes 👍 kind of unfortunate Terra couldnt use his to prevent bad things from happening too but oh well. its not like hopping timelines is that easy in his universe anyway. Terra still gets bonus points on an individual level bc while there was very little he couldve done differently there Are things Carlos couldve just uh. not done. yknow. things that i think Terra would kick his ass over tbh

Diana and Aqua.... oof. on god we're gonna get u girls some therapy. they were both so severely fucked over by like. literally everything from ingame events to the narrative itself. trapped in two different but absolute hellholes of sitautions for Very Long Amounts of Time and only called upon as a pawn in a game that both defines and ruins their lives and their entire world, and they barely even know it. and the only people they get to talk to at some point in their respective hells are Sigma and Micheal Mouse (and Terra sort of).. yea i think id lose it too tbh. its interesting that Diana was a 100% crucial part of why ztd happened while Aqua's role in Xehanorts plan wasnt really until ddd/kh3 unless u count him planning the whole end of bbs.. before that she was more of an outside force? not that taking her out wouldnt change anything ofc but her direct actions were more harmful to the overall plan than going according to it. i might need to play bbs again to confirm that more but uhh i forgot where i was going with this. i could see them getting along but i dont really remember enough about Diana as a person to know just how well they would? i guess itd at least be nice to have someone else who knows what their oddly specific and horrific situations are like, more or less

finally Sean n Ven.. Man. talk abt kids who cant catch a break for their entire lives no matter how outragously short OR long. they both just have a Lot going on and play some of the most major roles in their respective stories and god knows they didnt ask for any of it!! tho weirdly enough i dont feel much for Sean considering how he fits into the kinda characters i usually get attached to. but maybe thats just bc it was ztd. anyway !! out of the 3 duos here i think these two are most likely to become actual friends. from the memory fuckery to having a greater role in everything than they couldve imagined (both of them essentially being a key at some point..) to even just. having a very limited world in some way. and not having full control over their bodies. and several other major things im probably forgetting they both have. lots and lots and lots of things. they are friends to me

and just some general other thoughts - while im. not entirely sure how to feel abt what ztd does with the morphogenetic field i can at least appreciate the weird memory stuff that comes with body hopping and the possibilities that has when tied to all the other weird memory stuff that already happens in kh for similar or different reasons. like the way ztd (and vlr to some extent) went about it didnt quite hit the way i wanted it to but the concept is cool to me? itd be fun to play around with it in the context of kh i think. or vice versa. altho maybe introducing multiple timelines to the kh universe isnt the best idea.. hm. much to think about

but yeah!!!! overall verdict: mostly blessed with some underlying hints of cursed. like a weird aftertaste

[assholepants]

One thing that keeps coming up on the homestuck made this world podcast that I'd like to reflect on (I'm on E5P3 btw, so apologies if something like this gets discussed later and I'm junking the gun) is this idea that characters are puppets that Hussie can guide, or shine a camera on, or influence, but they are ultimately their own things, that are somewhat separate from their full control as an author. And the hmtw guys, quite rightly, point out that this really isn't how fiction works in a broad sense. And yes they are 100% correct that this explanation is often used in contexts where Hussie wants to absolve herself from responsibility for choices they have made, and this is important when parsing how sincere Hussie is being with this idea.

But I do think this theory of fiction weirdly reflective of a form of storytelling that I have a fair amount of experience with, and that is TTRPGs. Where you have, what could be considered as a sort of central author who creates the world, the key plot points, all of the NPCs and basically does most of the legwork for guiding and shaping the story. Essentially what the Black text narrative voice does in homestuck. But the PLAYER characters in that story do exist as a separate entity, which the GM can guide and influence and attempt to push in certain directions, but who ultimately exist outside of the realm of direct control of the 'cental author'. And as a GM, you have to plan around these things, and consider how these characters work, the types of decisions they might make, and how you can tell a coherent story whilst still allowing these characters to act somewhat independantly from you.

I do think at some points, homestuck feels like it is written by a GM who has sort of lost control of the table a little bit. Character motivations seem to take precedent over story beats that the author really wants to hit, and copious amounts of time are spent pulling the train back on the tracks, only for another character to derail in another way. But what's odd, is obviously if this is the model of fiction we are using, Hussie is ALSO the person piloting the player characters. GMing a game, played solely by himself. And in this way I can see where this worldview comes from right? If as the author of a work you are considering what characters would do, as separate from and sometimes antithetical to where you want the story to go, then it makes sense that you might erroneously start to view them as distinct entities that exist by themselves and have lives outside of the narrative that you are explicitly writing. And when you write like 6 different characters that intentionally have elements of authorial, or GM power, it become very easy for these characters to derail what you, as the primary author, want to do.

Obviously we can never actually know Hussie's actual writing process and this is pure speculation, and also again the fact that Hussie has control over all of the 'player' characters makes it distinct from a ttrpg. It also means that this theory actually does not absolve it from responsibility for character actions at all. But as someone who has GMed ttrpgs and has this same issue of trying to balance story with character development and motivation coming from forces outside of my complete control, it's something interesting to think about, with regards to the way that Hussie constructs this theory of how fiction is made.

[dire-straits-fn8ic]

The original Pokemon Red/Blue dropped you into a genuinely fascinating alternate universe with a distinct connection to our society but with a really neat shake-up on every aspect of society.

Even leaving out the Pokemon themselves, you're presented with a society that's safe enough that most parents trust their kid (canonically 11 years old but like farm kid 11) to go out into the world like a traveling Ronin, a samurai without a master, seeking their fortune by competing with brigands and government officials in order to rise up the social hierarchy.

It's a post-scarcity socially enlightened but weirdly backwards society that has gotten to a point in its development that nobody will harm another human, if you're in trouble you will be saved, and you never have to worry about food or housing or health care. In lieu of having to work to survive, human society is built around a form of ritual competition that is practiced by basically everyone in society, and you make money move up in the social hierarchy by winning, but even if you lose every match you're not going to go into any sort of poverty or be in any danger.

Society at every level is built around Pokemon Battles. You set your kid out to explore across the country because it's totally safe, there are people everywhere who claim essentially a 20 square feet hallway of land and won't let you pass until you defeat them, so freedom of motion in this country is super built around being good at Pokemon Battles. If you're a worse battler than your neighbors then you're stuck living in the town you were born in.

Kinda like a weird offshoot of an Oregon Trail settler society where you can stake a claim to a plot of land, but instead of being a hundred acres it's a radius of a couple feet. Anyone who wants to pass must defeat you before they can. But 100% safe. That's some wild worldbuilding but I am so here for it.

And then you get into Team Rocket, a group that does serious crimes, but through cleverness and determination you can walk into their evil lair and defeat every member and finally the boss, ending their evil reign. But none of them try to hurt you, every single grunt and administrator accepts their defeat with grace and allows you to continue to walk through their base and disrupt their evil plans. They're halfway between an organized crime syndicate and a cult, but they'll abide by the same ritual competition honor system rather than attempting to harm you even as you prevent them from taking over the world at multiple points along the way.

And this whole time you're a child. This isn't a tough thing to do, there's not some physical aspect that makes your character the greatest, there's just a game that an entire society is built around playing but they're all somehow way worse at it than someone from an entirely different world who was thrown into the driver's seat of a child's body.

[sleepyivoryrose]

The rose season arrived. There are beautiful, big roses, white, and red, and cream colored, right before my house in a little sitting area (you can't even call it a park.) Sadly, that's where all the drunkards gather, even in broad daylight, so I seldom sit there.

It's not as bad as Munich Central Station, thank god it isn't, but clearly this is the block where they like to attend their meetings.

That doesn't take anything away from the roses though. They smell wonderful, and look even prettier.

It's always one of the few highlights of summer for me. Of course they remind me of my comfort character, but my parents also had roses in their garden, and it reminds me of them. Even if I don't always get along with them, they're often in my thoughts.

Near that place there are also extremely fragrant bushes with small, white flowers (but boy do they have power! smelling power!)...a lot of cat owners seem to live in that area too, since I sometimes see some roam about...they aren't exactly open to strangers though, so I mostly look like an idiot trying to attract them.

Not that it stops me to keep doing it. They remind me of the girl-cat of my my parents, Kiwi. (I know- a lot of people say that it's funny that a cat is called after a a bird. We were thinking of the fruit though)

I wonder if the fruit is called after the bird or the other way around. They do look a bit similar, don't they?

Today I got myself Eiyuden Chronicles, I think it is called? I'm a bit excited, since this series is supposed to be the emotional successor to Suikoden, and I loved that one. I only played 4 and 5, but I like them both...5 has a special place in my heart. It's so 2000s moe, I love it. But yeah, let's see what kinda game this one is. I actually wanted to buy the physical copy of pokemon scarlet with the dlc already on it, but 100€ is waaay too much. Specially since I also got myself a squishmallow (finally I found one that I like! I couldn't let it escape!) But my finances...I hope I still have enough for my plans in September. I want to visit a friend, but I have to book a hotel, and those are kind of expensive, specially in the town I'll be sleeping. I should start looking for hotels...

I am not very responsible. What happened, I used to be such a hard worker! Now I got lazy. The psychiatrists always say that the meds kind of make you a bit...heavy-hearted? Like, you don't have motivation to do anything. It's like a little depression, really. I have to do house chores too...help...

My roommate can't stand me...understandable...I mean...at the start I tried really hard, but she kept ignoring me...so I got tired, and now she asks me often when I will leave the house, so she has a few days for herself. Funny thing is- when I'm gone, she doesn't even notice it, if I don't tell her beforehand. If I'm already so quiet that she doesn't even register I'm here, then why does she want me out of the house so badly?!

arrggghblrubhrghblrurbh

HHHHAAAA

I'm spiraling again. Nobody cares, Sae. Chill for two seconds.

But it is very handy, when I look back at it in half a year or so. Then I've got maybe a clearer head and a better idea why exactly I said the things I said.

Do I have fandoms right now I could talk about...?

I got back into Food Fantasy. AGAIN. It got me by the metaphorical balls. Honestly, my friend and I are still surprised it's still here, it's been running since 2017. It's been almost ten years! Can you believe it? There's a ton of food souls (I can't find Weißwurst on the Fandom Page of it...! Why would they remove *him*?! Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte I get, but...) I like

I first got into it because of the bar simulator. Even though I don't like alcohol and I don't like when people drink (at the end of the day, it's none of my business though...it's more like a pet peeve) I find bars and barkeeps weirdly aesthetic. Or maybe not so weirdly? Actually, it makes a lot of sense.

And the restaurant mechanic is also fun. And the collecting of food souls...the only thing I'm (hilariously enough) bad at is the actual fighting. I suck so much at building a team.

My brother and my friend live for the grindset though (my brother's back at it in Food Fantasy, my friend turned to Genshin) They always get crazy strong really fast. I wished I had their dedication for the grind.

My apothecary diaries hyperfixation calmed a little bit down. I'm still working on my Li island in Animal Crossing. I like breeding the roses, even though I've come to a stalemate. The violet roses I bred don't give any "special whites", white roses which are necessary to breed blue roses. Even though I could have sworn that I've only used the right roses...I even did a test phase! Honestly, I am getting a little impatient. I've been sitting at it for what, two or three months now? To be fair, I barely timetravel, and I don't play everyday, but...

I'm also trying to complete all my pokemon games. Lord know's when my DS-es while give out, so I gotta hang in there.

----

Aside from the fandoms...I've been training against my social anxiety again. It's tough, I get so easily annoyed and irritated. I can barely do anything alone, it's that paralyzing. Barking dogs don't bite, but scared dogs surely do. And I'm one of them. Man, I just want to live a peaceful, comfortable life. If I can't even do the easiest of things, then how I am supposed to cope in a work environment? People there use me as much as they can't, because they know I can't talk back. It's frustrating.

But one step at a time. Easy does it.

--

My foot hurts for some reason. And my back, but that comes from sitting so much, 100%. Maybe I've gotten so overweight that it's hurting my feet. Poor things. I guess I have to power through the walking to lose weight. Developing a routine is so difficult...

--

Well, I think that's about it. I complain a lot...I have to train my optimistic and creative muscles. My head muscle. Brain, exactly. But I think I am doing slight progress. At least last days I feel more of my emotions than usual. Having no one to forbid you from getting sad or angry like my gaslight, gatekeep girlbossing mother actually does wonders for my emotional health.

There! I'm doing it again! GOD DAMN IT!!

Anyways, this one is a hefty one. I guess I'm off for today!

[wyrmskulls]

End game spoilers.

Here is what happened for me and how I feel.

I had shit for Charisma as a Monk sooooo I had a rough time with Companions.

1) Wyll broke his contact, we saved his dad, and I made the choice not to go after the Dragon, my thought being- I think we have this without help. let leave the dragon for the next threat. (He was just one line at the docks in the end.... so not sure there. still wanna toss his dad in the harbor ngl)

2) I let Shadowheart make all her own choices. She chose not to kill the Nightsong, she choose for her parents to die. (My partner got her to keep her folks alive in their run.... and that felt better to me. so, oops.) She wasn't at the dock at all in the end weirdly.

3) I always told Karlach to live, I noticed the thing Companions asking for is not the choice they need but the choice they want. So I kept telling her No, bitch you are going to live. Only for her to die on the docks. I at some point started thinking about irl people who want to die thier own way... and I'll admit the thought of begging her to stay instead of just being with her as she died, sounded so selfish to emotional compromised me. (but this still feels really bad)

Those were the 3 of the main 6 not in my party, the whole game. I did pull them into the party for their story's where possible. These 3 had the lowest approvals but they were far from negative.

4)Laezel was hard, she was in my party the whole game but I didn't do the temple/creche by the time I went to go do it, Halsin was threatening to leave the party if we left the Shadowlands. So that all fine, but I really wanted to make it up to her, we got the orphuc hammer but had no way to the prism till the last minute. It was free the prince then or never. We freed him, only for him to get mad we didnt do it sooner. I was like, um, we couldn't break your bonds without the hammer we went to do get. So even your honor gaurd would have failed. Needless to say I was miffed, only to find out we NEEDED an illithad to over power the brain.... and the choice was the prince or me. Sorry bud but it's YOU. So at the end on the dock He gale Laezel his dragon and asked her to free their people and for Tav to kill him. This weird, but again was what laezel said she wanted, in my head such a strong warrior could do worse then becoming the rebel leader, so I let her go. Again it left selfish to ask her to stay while her people suffered, and I was still torn on the asking me to sacrifice Tavs soul for everyone on top of the rest of it.... so not 100% happy here either.

5)Astarion I romanced his ass, and convinced him not only are his siblings and the souls trapped for the ritual like him, but Tav was like them. This felt good at the time... but him running for cover on the docks and everyone being fine with is SUCKED. had a after scene with him, we agreed to look for a way to walk in the light together. it was sweet but my contingency plan was gale annnnd-

6) Gale. I'll admit having an Ex saying kys was like enrageing for me. I was mad, even when Gale wasn't, I was mad cause Gale wasn't. And I held that anger. I think I picked too many 'tell Mystar to fuck herself' options cause that turned quickly into "I want to be a God too" and like, NO Gale. You are a good human, and Gods are NOT people. I like him as people, I would want him or Astarion on a power trip, I like them as they are. So it was upsetting to see Gale continue to be sure he'd take the known for himself. I passed a DC 30 check to try and conive him not to do the thing, only for him on the docks to be like "I'm going fishing for the crown, and I'm disappointed you don't support me" I didn't change my mind.... ((to be fair I've been dressing him in drow camp wear and this

most of act 3.... so I was dressing him for the evil God job he wants the whole time)) I'm the most unhappy about this ending honestly.

yha I could scum save and try to alter it, but I've been trying not to, and this is where I'm at. But now weirdly I'm looking back at Gale and liking him less because of it. He was so helpful in fights and just a joy, but now it feels weirdly like betrayal, like he was pulling an Astarion all along.

I know he wasn't but that's how it feels he feel bad now in a weird way.

that's Mt thoughts firt play through time for a durge run so I can take some more Spoiler tags off lol.