#do these tacos taste funny to you

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for sabotaging my boyfriend's hookup with his girlfriend by filling his sex playlist with DJ Crazytimes

I (28NB, they/he) have known my boyfriend (call him C, 29M, he/him) for some 15ish years now. As long as I've known him, he has been on and off again with his girlfriend (call him T, 29NB, he/him). Respectfully, and with love, C and T are two of the worst and most annoying people I know. I want to marry them both specifically so that I can study them under a microscope like a parasitic virus.

Technically they're monogamous, but they're both hooking up with other people (myself included), usually the same people, because they have the same taste in lovers (bad). I have suggested that they give actual polyamory a try, and they reject the idea wholeheartedly. I think they get off on their dynamic, and far be it from me to try more than the bare minimum to dissuade them from it.

A couple months back, they got into a fight and broke up (again) because T (who was unemployed at the time) stole $50 from C (who works at GameStop) so that he could pay for a tank of gas (using C's car) to go hook up with another guy a couple states over. C was not upset that T was hooking up with another guy (because he was Also hooking up with that guy and knew he would not have a leg to stand on), but because of the stolen money + car.

C and I currently live together, because you can't afford an apartment on a GameStop salary, and also, like I said, he's my boyfriend. I'm making carnitas tacos next Friday, and T is coming over, because despite everything, he has nothing else to do on a Friday night. I know that C and T are going to get into a huge fight, and I know that it's probably either going to end with them getting back together out of spite or with someone's vehicle getting keyed--I'm betting on both.

Here's where I think I might be the asshole. I would really like to get inbetween them. Not in a "I don't want you to date each other" kind of way, but in a "holy shit you are both so insufferable i would like to get in on that" kind of way. I currently have my thing with C, and I've hooked up with T once in the past, but I would really like to make it official with him as well.

My plan is as follows: C and T are going to be in the same space again next Friday. They're going to fight, then hook up, then get back together again. C is one of those cybersexual "i built my own computer and run it on Linux" people, which is to say, he thinks tiktok and youtube are evil, and he he thinks spotify premium is supporting megacorporations. So, his sex playlist for T (we do not have our own sex playlist) is just an actual folder of mp3 files.

While C is at work, I'm going to log into his computer and change several of those mp3 files to DJ Crazytimes' Planet of the Bass, which I play often, and he is frequently annoyed by. My hope is that he'll realize it was me, he'll come and yell at me for ruining their hookup, T will take my side to piss him off, and the tension will get to the point where they let me join their hookup, and I can ask to date both of them after that.

To be clear, I recognize that I'm also Incredibly Toxic for enabling and encouraging this behavior. That said, I feel like I'm justified in this scenario considering C and T are both Also toxic, and furthermore, it is a known fact that I'm dating C right now, so for them to hook up, C would technically be cheating on me. I asked C's sister (a childhood friend of mine) for her take on whether it would be funny or just annoying, and she just told me that we all deserve each other, so I think I should be good. Am I being uniquely shitty here?

What are these acronyms?

[marchsfreakshow]

Gotta Dance! [Peter Maximoff]

Fluff//drabble

You like to dance to yourself to whatever cassette you had in your walkman, and when a silver haired friend of yours finds you, he decides to just have a bit of fun.

Omg okay I finished 3 xmen movies with Maximoff in em, and gah I understand why people love him now. Heres a fic.

I made it decently time accurate I think so tell me if there are any inaccuracies.

No one's perspective

⊹˚.⋆ ₊꒷ᘏᘏ︶ଓ︶꒷꒦⊹˚ᗢ₊꒷︶ଓ︶꒷

Peter was always one to dance if he had a chance, especially to his own music taste. Classical or fancy music was always too slow.

So why on earth was he staring at you through a window? Watching you move around the empty hall, at 1am in the dark. Music in your headphones, blasting at a volume that could've burst anyone's eardrums. Yet, he couldn't tell the song playing in your ears. All he could tell was that he liked the way you moved. Swift movements, like an audience being danced around, walking around your footsteps. You were in your own mind, not particularly caring if anyone else was awake. If someone was, it was probably Charles, attempting some work.

A new pair of footsteps once you were done. Now, catching your breath, you were sat in one of the corners, admiring the hall around you. The rest of your music went on, and you didn't hear the steps until they stopped next to you. A hand pulling your headphones off your head. Your reaction was quick, and you grabbed his wrist tightly. "Hey! Calm, just noticed you were alone. That's all." That voice was so familiar to you. So close to your memory.

You let go of his wrist slowly but kept your eyes on the dark figure standing beside you. "What you are doing up at 1 in the morning then?" You questioned, trying to piece together a puzzle. The answer? Who was it smooth-talking their way into your tired mind? Then a glimmer of the moonlight hit mystery figure's hair. A silver shimmer. Of fucking course. Peter Maximoff. The one person who you particularly did not hope saw you dance just now.

"Fast body fast brain. Can never usually slow down enough to get enough sleep."

An eyebrow raised then crossed arms. "You sure about that Silver? Every time I go to talk to you, you're snoring the whole school down."

"Silver? Very creative."

"Silver Sliver. Like a silver snake who slivers around whenever he gets a chance." A cocky grin as you reminded Peter of why you nicknamed him 'silver sliver' a nickname always on the tip of your tongue. But also now ignoring the sneaky jab about how much he actually slept.

He hummed and nodded towards your own Walkman. "Who are you listening to?"

"This new singer I found called Taco. He's literally called Taco it's so funny." You rambled, rewinding it to the previous song and putting the headphones on him.

Puttin' On The Ritz.

It was smooth, almost buttery to you, but Maximoff simply stood there and nodded along. "Too slow for you Silver?" A chuckle escaped you, leaning your elbow on the radiator.

"Not at all." He grinned. Not that you could see how he grinned. But the way he spoke made you think he was planning something. Hands grabbing yours, pulling you away from your safe little corner. A groan was heard along with a small fit of giggles. What on earth had you dragged yourself into?

In the silence, the faint tune of the song was heard, and he started to dance, holding your hands, and whipping you around. Even in the musk of the night both of you held eye contact with each other, feeling oh so fancy with a song about The Ritz. What an odd feeling to have with your best friend. Sensing comfort when he held you close, exaggerating his steps, exaggerating his facial expressions even though you couldn't see them that well. That damn speedster.

Minutes went by fast. Both of you stood wherever as the new song could faintly be heard. "You're a good dancer." You noted with a smile, still holding hands and reluctant to let go.

"yeah. I think you're pretty good too." Cocky as ever. Feeling like he was on top of the world or something. "So..." Maximoff started, you hummed and tilted your head to the side slightly.

"Can I get you a drink or something?"

"...Sure." a little laugh. "Preferably when it's daytime."

A shared nod before the speedster brought you close again and danced with you.

⊹˚.⋆ ₊꒷ᘏᘏ︶ଓ︶꒷꒦⊹˚ᗢ₊꒷︶ଓ︶꒷

Tagging those who might enjoy this: @babygorewhore @silverzoomies @taintandviolent @slutforgarlogan @slvt4jamesmarch @coentinim @fear-is-truth

(other mutuals let me know if you would like a tag 💜)

[ythankucaptainmccoy]

The Cowgirl and The Aviator Ch5

The next chapter baby! I posted this with a heavy heart as one of my cats died today. RIP Fives I'll always miss you. @smoothdogsgirl I will admit that I listened to How To Train Your Dragon Romantic Flight on repeat while writing this and it shows at one point ;) WARNINGS: Blowjob and Pussy Eating/Fingering

Jake wakes and realizes during the night he had tucked you into his chest and that your rear was firmly pressed against him. He was trying to go back to sleep when you made a small whimper and moved brushing your ass against him. That’s when he realized he was hard as a rock. As much as he wanted to stay in bed with you he also wanted to surprise you with breakfast. He willed himself to get up where he went to the bathroom to take care of his problem. After taking care of himself and washing his hands he went to the kitchen.

When you wake you’re alone in Jake’s bed, but you can already smell the food. You make your way to the kitchen where Jake has his back turned to you trying to fix a plate of food. You walk up and wrap your arms around his waist. He tenses at first until he realizes it’s you. You place a kiss on his back and relish in the way he shudders. “Darlin’ I’m tryin’ to make breakfast”, he drawls. His voice is a little gravely from sleep, and it makes you smile. 

You pull away as he fills the two plates he had set out. The food looks delicious as he sets the two plates on the kitchen table. You take a bite and moan with how good it tastes. Jake sits there, food halfway to his mouth, but looking at you as you take another bite of food. He is so turned on right now it isn’t funny, but he wants to take this slow. He might have to make another bathroom trip if you keep making those noises. 

“What’s wrong Jake?”, you say, trying to play innocent. “How’s your breakfast?”, he asks, shoveling food into his mouth so he doesn’t say anything dirty. “It’s amazing”, you reply. He beams with pride as he finally starts to eat. “So Bradley said you all have a mission coming up”, you say. “Yeah it should be pretty simple”, he tells you. “I know you can’t promise anything in your line of work, but try to come back in one piece”, you say.

“I’ll try my best darlin’”, he replies. After finishing breakfast Jake says something about going for a run. “Well I’ll head back and take a shower then get ready to lounge around”, you say. You watch as he gets ready to head out for a run and head to Bradleys apartment. This time when you get there Bradleys fuckbuddy is still there. You shower and get dressed as quickly as you can then leave. You were at a total loss of what to do when a text came through. ‘I know we are supposed to be taking things slow, but how about taking you out to lunch’ Jake’s text reads. 

‘Sure what time and where. I was going to run some minor errands today’ you text back. ‘How about noon at the taco place there by the base. I’ll send you the address’, he responded. ‘Sounds great’ you say. Sure enough not even two minutes later Jake has texted you the address. It’s only nine so you have some time to kill. You decide to go to an outlet mall where you buy some jean shorts, some tank tops, t-shirts and some work out shorts. 

You continue to walk down the sidewalk when a storefront window catches your eye. It was a lingerie store and an idea popped into your head. You quickly made your way inside and looked at the selection. One grabbed your attention. It was a two piece babydoll set and the lace was pretty. It also came in a variety of colors. You thought for a moment if your dates kept going well and anything were to happen you would want to be prepared right.

You looked through the color selection and found a navy blue one and headed for the counter. You paid for them when you realized what time it was. You quickly made your way to the parking lot and headed towards the taco place Jake had sent you the address to. When you pulled in he was already there so you went inside. You looked around spotting him and came to sit down in front of him. “I’m sorry I’m late. I was shopping and lost track of time”, you insisted.

“It’s alright I sat down maybe ten minutes ago so no big deal. What did you go shopping for?”, he asked. “I got some new clothes and some tennis shoes for work. Then I got sidetracked by another store before I realized what time it was”, you explained. “What store got you sidetracked that badly?”, he questioned. You didn’t answer because you couldn’t just say you were in a lingerie store trying to think of a set he would like. 

A laugh drew you out of your head when you realized it was Jake. “Was it a sex store because I could totally see someone getting sidetracked in one of those”, he joked. This was your chance to avoid the question and get back at him. “No it wasn’t, but I bet you would love to see which toys I would pick out for nights I’m alone”, you said, picking up a menu. “Darlin’ you can’t just say something like that to a man”, he responded. 

Now Jake was imagining you back at the apartment, when Rooster wasn’t there, getting yourself off and damn if it wasn’t a beautiful picture in his head. How your body would quiver and how you would whimper and moan. Then he imagined you calling his name when you fell apart. “Jake…Jake. Hello earth to Jake:, you said. He seemed to snap back to reality and looked at you with a questioning look. “He’ll have a sweet tea”, you answered. 

He then realized you had tried to get his attention so the waitress could take your drink orders. “What were you thinking about?”, you teased knowing damn well what he was probably thinking about. “You’re so cruel”, he said dramatically. “No this is cruel”, you stated and drew your boot up his leg under the table. Where had this boldness come from? Sure you were bold back in college, but never like this. It had to be Jake. Just being in his presence did something to you. 

You felt his hand grab your booted ankle and you swore you could see him straighten in his chair. “You okay?”, you hummed. “Yeah, figure out what you want yet?”, he asked. You put your foot back onto the floor and when the waitress came back you both ordered. “I thought we were taking things slow”, Jake stated after the waitress left. “We are but it doesn’t mean I can’t tease you every once in a while”, you replied. 

“You’re somethin’ else”, he sighed. This was something totally different than what he was used to and he was loving every bit of it. Your boldness and the way you would think of something to say to almost anything and everything he threw at you to try and embarrass you. You were cocky in your own way and that’s what drew him to you in the first place. He wanted this to work and hell for the first time in a long time he wanted something steady.

It scared him a little how much he wanted that, but his sister had always said “eventually you’ll find one that matches your own crazy”. You were watching as Jake got lost in his own thoughts again and when he did that he would absentmindedly smile. “Jake how will I get to talk to you when your on missions?”, you ask. “Well you can write me letters if you want. It may take em’ a while to get to me”, he replies. The way he said it made you wonder if anyone had ever sent him letters before. “Do you get a lot of letters when you're on a mission?”, you continue your questioning. 

“Sometimes but they are all from my sister asking how I’m doing”, he responds. “You’re parents don’t write to you”, you said. “No, my mom died before I joined the Navy and dad, well he didn’t like that I chose the Navy over the ranch back home”, he responded. “I’m sorry about your mom. If you don’t mind, would you tell me about her some day. When you’re ready that is”, you whispered. Jake felt like he was in a whirlwind of emotions today. “Yeah I would actually like that”, he replied.

“I can tell you a little bit about her before our food gets here. She was the most amazing woman ever. I mean she just knew when something was going on with her kids ya’ know. She would always tell me I was her favorite. I have three sisters and an older brother and she was always fair about things. She never judged people right away; she tried to get them to open up to her. She would have loved you”, he trailed off. 

“I would have loved to have met her”, you say. “I know my sister would love to tell you all of the embarrassing stories about me if you ever meet her”, he groaned. “I would love to hear all of them, but not all at once so I’ll have something new each time to tease you about”, you say trying to lighten the mood. “I bet you would”, he chuckled. The food arrived before he could tell you more and when you took the first bite of your taco you swore you had never had anything like it before. 

“Holy shit Jake why didn’t you tell me about this place sooner”, you cried. “Well since it’s so good, are we counting this as a second date?”, he joked. “Sure these tacos are better than sex”, you say. “I don’t know about that besides how do you know these tacos are better than sex. What kind of men have you dated?”, he laughed. “Apparently the wrong ones”, you replied. You both enjoyed your meals and talked for another hour before you left. You gave him a quick peck on the lips and turned to go back to your truck, but his hand shot out and grabbed your wrist pulling you back to him.

He kissed you slowly at first then it started to build as if he were a starved man. When he pulled away you were panting trying to catch your breath. “I’ll see you later”, he stated. “Yeah especially if I get more kisses like that”, you laughed breathily. He watched until you made it to your truck and started it before he went to his own truck. You smiled to yourself when you noticed the shopping bag on the floorboard of the truck. 

The next couple of days were uneventful as most of the Dagger Squad were too tired to come to the Hard Deck. You could see that Rooster was exhausted from training when you got home from your shift. “I brought you something to eat, it's on the counter”, you called to him from the kitchen. “Alright I’ll come get it in a minute”, he called out from his room. Then you grabbed the other box of food that you had brought home and made your way next door. You knocked on Jake's door and waited for a few minutes until he answered. “Hey I brought you some food from the Hard Deck. Bradley said you all have been training hard and I want to make sure you all are at least eating dinner”, you say. 

“Thanks you can come in if you want”, he offers. He looks just as exhausted as Bradley and you can tell his shoulders are tight as he keeps rolling them. He eats as you take up your usual spot on his couch. Once he is finished he comes to sit down beside you. “Are you alright? You keep rolling your shoulders”, you comment. “Yeah it’s probably just strained muscles from training so much”, he tells you. 

“Sit on the floor in front of me. Back towards me”, you say, gesturing to said spot. He gives you a raised eyebrow, but does as you say. Before he can say anything else you grab his shoulders and start massaging the tight muscles. He groans as you hit a particularly sore spot, and you focus on it until the tension melts away. Hell the noises that are coming from him make you wet, but you won’t admit it or acknowledge it. 

You continue until he is fully relaxed and all the tension is gone. Now when he looks at you he has a sleepy look in his eyes. “You should get some rest”, you tell him. He agrees and walks with you to the door where you share a couple of kisses. You eventually make it back and find that Bradley had also eaten and gone to bed. You knew they were leaving Monday for their mission and the Dagger Squad all agreed to come visit you on Friday at the Hard Deck. 

During the week you find out from Bradley that Fanboy and Payback got injured and that they were being replaced for the time being with new Top Gun graduates. That unsettled you when you realized that was like a football team losing their star lineman to protect the quarterback. Bradley also told you that Hangman wasn’t happy about him being team leader. When Friday rolled around you decided to change up your look.

You got your jean shorts you had bought along with a cute tank top that showed a modest amount of cleavage and your tennis shoes. You put the lip gloss that Nat had slipped to you and headed to work. It was unusually busy and you felt like you hadn’t stopped since you got there. When the Dagger Squad showed up you were so busy you didn’t even notice. Someone wolf whistled and you turned about to give them a piece of your mind when you noticed it was Nat. 

“Damn (Y/N) wait till Hangman sees this outfit, but seriously you look amazing”, she tells you. “Thanks is he not here yet?”, you questioned. “No he was having a very heated discussion with Mav about how he should be team leader this time”, she explains. That makes you frown as you wonder why he is so upset about it. From what you were told he was in reserve last mission and went against orders to save Mav and Rooster. “Well I will see you all in a minute when I take my break”, you explain. Nat waves you off as you go to the next table to take orders. 

The break never comes and you don’t tell Penny because it just means more tips by the end of the night. Jake had just gotten there and as per usual headed to the pool table with the rest of the Dagger Squad. He looks for you, but doesn’t see you at first glance. When he does spot you he has to do a double take as his eyes rake over your legs and then to your face framed perfectly by your hair. Jake continues to glance your way until your shift ends and you come to join the squad.

“Hey baby”, you say. “Darlin’ I gotta say you look damn good”, he praises. “Thanks” you reply. He thinks he died earlier and this is heaven, but it gets even better when you decide to play a round of pool with Nat against him and Javy. You lean over to take a shot and he swears you do it on purpose. Your ass is perfect in the shorts and he was starting to get hot under the collar. Nothing prepared him though for when you did it again, but gave you a perfect view down your top.

He kept reminding himself he was going to take things slow, but damn it did he want to take you home right now. You realized how distracted he was and used it to your advantage as you and Nat ended up winning. After another couple of hours you were ready to call it a night. “I’ll see you tomorrow for our second date”, you told Jake as you kissed him goodnight. Sleep was calling your name as you walked to your truck. You made it back to the apartment and showered the smell of food off you. 

You were laying in bed when a text rolled in you grabbed it expecting it to be Jake or Bradley, but no it had to be that damn number. ‘FOUND OUT WHERE YOU TOOK OFF TO. I’LL BE SEEING YOU REAL SOON AND THEN YOU'RE COMING BACK HOME WHERE YOU BELONG!”. “Not a chance in hell asshole besides you don’t have the money to make it out here”, you mumbled as you turned over in bed to fall asleep.

Saturday you slept in until noon then you got up to get some laundry done. Once all the mundane chores were done you got ready for your date. Jake had told you to wear your usual jeans, t-shirt, boots and old ball cap. You met him out by his truck as he opened the passenger side door like he always did for you. He hadn’t told you what you all were doing today so you made small talk until you arrived. It was a small airfield and you recognized one of the planes as Mav’s. 

“So what, we just gonna watch Mav do some of that pilot shit”, you say. “Nah I asked him if I could borrow it to show you what flying was like”, he replied. You hesitated for a moment as you had never done anything like this before. He got you a headset and put it on you. “You look so damn hot right now”, he said before stealing a kiss. You climbed up into the seat and he helped strap you in, which was very intimate touching for a minute.

Once he was seated he started the pre-flight check and radioed the tower for the runway and takeoff. You were nervous as the plane made its way down the runway and slowly lifted into the air. “Holy fuck”, you swore. “You okay?”, he asked. “Yeah, just not used to that feeling of taking off”, you explained. “Oh just wait”, he said. You were up for a short while and then Jake really turned it on with barrel rolls and the like. 

At first it terrified you, but then you started to enjoy it as you laughed each time he did it. Then he turned to take you out over the ocean. “It’s so beautiful up here. I wish I could fly with you all the time”, you said. Jake couldn’t speak because he had never been able to share this part of his life with anyone else. He made a mental note to take you flying more often. “I’m glad you like it”, he finally replied. “Usually it goes by a lot faster than this, but that's the difference between this and a jet”, he laughed. 

“I bet it’s such an adrenaline rush”, you say. “Oh for sure if I ever get a chance to take you up in a jet I’m going to”, he promised. You watched the sun set and when the stars popped out it was almost magical. He took you through some of the clouds and it was so beautiful you teared up. Jake heard you sniffle and asked if you were alright and you replied that you were and that you were just a little overwhelmed. 

Eventually he made it back to the runway and set her down. He helped you out of your harness and back down to the ground. When he caught you he slowly lowered you to the ground as you brought his face down to kiss him. “Thank you for sharing a part of your world with me”, you whispered. “Anytime darlin’ anytime”, he sighed. When you both made it back to the truck you realized there was a text from Bradley saying his now girlfriend was over.

“Well Bradley has company tonight”, you grin. “Ya know I’m starting to like this girl because when she comes over I get you all to myself”, he grins. “Alright flyboy lets go”, you smirk. “You are not calling me that”, he says. “Why not I think it’s cute”, you reply. “That’s why” ,he laughed. The rest of the ride was nothing but witty banter. You kissed him up the stairs, against his door and when you both made it to the couch. 

Jake pulled you into his lap as you made out, and it was like someone had poured gasoline over an open flame. You could feel him getting hard beneath you and of course you had to grind down. He gasped as you did it and he could feel your heat radiating through your jeans, but he slowed the roll of your hips and leaned his forehead against yours. “Not yet thought we were taking this slow”, he said. 

“Alright”, you panted. You kissed him again before getting up and getting ready for bed. “I’m gonna hit the bathroom”, you tell him. He nods and heads for his bedroom where he changes into some boxers. “You can do this. You are a confident woman”, you tell yourself. Looking in the mirror at the navy blue two piece lingerie set you are wearing right now. You put one of Jake’s oversized shirts you have claimed for yourself on over it and head into the bedroom. 

He looks up as you walk towards his side of the bed. You straddle him, which he doesn’t mind and kiss him. This time it’s slow and sensual, no rush and when his hands drift up your thighs he expects to find shorts, but he feels lace instead. He breaks the kiss as he stares at you wide eyed. “Are you wearing lace?”, he asks huskily. “Yeah what about it Lieutenant”, you challenge. You notice his pupils dilate when you use his rank. 

“I don’t want to rush you”, Jake whispers. “It’s okay you leave Monday and anything can happen. Just let me take care of you tonight. One blowjob”, you say. How is he supposed to say no when you're kissing his neck and running your fingers through his hair. “Alright”, he pants. With that one little word you sit up and gesture to the shirt you’re wearing. “Want to do the honors Lieutenant Seresin”, you playfully giggle. 

He grabs the hem of the shirt and pulls it over your head and he is met with the navy blue lace. He leans back taking you in. Certain that he crashed the plane earlier and this is his heaven. “Damn you’re gorgeous darlin’ “, he drawls. You smile and lean down to kiss him again slowly making your way down his chest. You lick down his abdomen like you have wanted to do since the first time you saw him shirtless. You can feel him twitch in his boxers as you nip at the v that leads down to your prize. 

You slowly glide your hand over his cock as he groans. You pull him out of his boxers and marvel at the shape and girth. The head is a darker pink and oozing precum as you slide your hand over him. He is watching intently as you work his shaft and when you give a kitten lick to the head he lets out the filthiest moan you think you have ever heard. He is slightly above average in length, but the girth is bigger than any guy you had dated before. 

You take his head into your mouth and suck hard. His hands immediately shoot for your hair. You moan as you slide a little further down testing the waters. Jake swears it’s great, but not enough at the same time. He bucks a little causing you to retreat. “Sorry”, he gasps out. “It’s alright”, you tell him then go back to what you were doing, but starting to build a faster rhythm. You listen to the way he moans and curses with little “that’s it just like that” thrown in. You swear you're soaking the panties you're wearing, but tonights about him. 

“Oh fuck (Y/N) just like that. Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck”, he whines. You pull away as he curses again as his orgasm starts to slowly slip away. He gives you those puppy eyes and you take him back into your mouth. You start up your rhythm again and his hips are twitching as you pick up the pace a little more. “Oh shit (Y/N). I’m gonna’ cum darlin’ “, he rasps out. You bring your other hand up to massage his balls and that does it.

His hips jerk a couple of times and he is spilling into your mouth with your name spilling out of his lips like a prayer. When he comes back down from his high he watches as you swallow and damn if that doesn’t do something for him. He sits up and pulls you in to kiss you and you know he can taste himself. He groans as you both fight for dominance. He tucks himself back into his boxers as you lay on your back on your side of the bed. 

He rolls over you, caging you in as he begins to kiss you again. He starts to nip down your throat when you realize he isn’t stopping. “This is probably the worst time to ask this, but will you be my girl?”, he says between kisses. “Yes”, you whisper to him. He looks up at you and smiles and if that doesn’t have you melting. He goes back to kissing and nipping at your throat then down and he palms your right breast flicking the nipple through the lace. 

“Jake, you don’t have to do this. I’m fine with leaving it like this tonight”, you reassure. “Darlin’ it’s like you said I leave on Monday and anything could happen. So if you think I’m not going to at least taste your pussy you have another thing comin’ “, he replies. You moan at his words but you still try to dissuade him as he pulls your lacy bra down enough to expose your nipples. He swoops down without warning and sucks one into his mouth and flicks his tongue over it. You gasp as your fingers tangle into his hair and tug. 

He groans then switches nipples as his hand slowly travels down to cup your lace covered pussy. You moan and whisper his name then retract your hands from his hair to grab the sheets when he grazes his finger over your covered clit. He slowly starts kissing his way down your stomach and hooks his fingers in your panties to pull them off. He sits up to take them all the way off then grabs your leg to put it on his shoulder.

He slowly kisses his way down your leg to your inner thigh and you swear you have to be soaking by now. When he lays out on his stomach you feel his breath hit your core and he places your other leg over his other shoulder. You make eye contact with him right as he licks a stripe up your core to your clit. You throw your head back and whimper as he teases your clit some more, but then he closes his lips around it and sucks hard. 

You arch into his mouth as his arms wrap around your legs trying to pull you closer. “Jake!”, you cry and he lets go. “Yes darlin’ “, he taunts. “Please don’t stop” you whine. He laughs a little, but goes back to it and delves into your folds. You swear it can’t get any better, but he lets go of one of your legs to run a finger along your slick folds. He slowly pushed his middle finger in and back out repeating the action a few times before adding his ring finger. 

He groaned when your pussy spasmed around his fingers as he curled them upwards. He started making a come here motion with those two fingers and you started to writhe and whimper even more. “Oh Jake please don’t stop please”, you begged. “Oh darlin’ I don’t intend to”, he chuckles. You look down at him as he goes back to sucking on your clit and you swear you are two seconds away from the best orgasm of your life as you throw your head back again and body drawing tight as a bow string.

His fingers speed up their motion until you can hear the greedy sounds your pussy is making. Jake hasn’t stopped teasing your clit with his tongue, but it isn’t enough as you try chasing your orgasm. “Jake please more pleasepleaseplease”, you babble. He smirks but puts your clit between his lips sucking hard but also flicking it with his tongue. You cry out and arch off the bed as your orgasm rips through you. Jake doesn’t stop as your thighs snap shut around his head as you ride out your high. Eventually trying to pull away from him as you start to become overstimulated.

“Jake no more please”, you plead. He finally relents and you let your legs loosen as he sits up and looks at his fingers that are covered in your slick. You watch as he licks them clean and groans at the taste. Then he is crawling over you again to kiss you. The kisses are the slowest they have ever been as his thumb strokes your ribs. When he pulls away from you he gets up and disappears down the hall into his bathroom, and when he comes back he is holding a washcloth. He cleans you up and then he throws the washcloth in the hamper. 

He automatically grabs the shirt you were wearing previously as you take the bra off. He stares at your naked body admiring it before you slip the shirt over your head. “Come on babe you look like you're about to drop any minute”, you tell him. He was pleasantly tired as you beckoned him to bed. “Just a minute darlin’ I’m gonna clean up”, he tells you. He takes off his boxers and tosses them where he tossed the washcloth, grabbing a new pair and heading for the bathroom. 

When he comes back and lies down you can see the worry etched on his face. “What’s wrong Jake?”, you ask. “I’m worried about the mission and the two new guys assigned to us. What if I don’t make it back to you”, he says. You lean up to kiss him and pull him to you as he puts his arm over your waist and his head on your chest. “You will come back to me”, you say. He hums as you scratch his scalp and within minutes of doing so he is asleep. You smile at him and it isn’t long before you start to fall asleep too.

[anonymous-dentist]

Or: the childhood friends au:

-

Roier doesn’t remember a lot of his childhood, but he remembers enough to know that he was a bit of a little shit. He was a problem child. He probably has the outline of a shoe tattooed onto his back after all the shit he got up to as a kid.

(R-01 gets one hour of supervised outdoor time every day to keep him from getting sick. He sits beneath the big oak tree in the facility’s enclosed garden, and he lets his fingers twist in the grass beneath him.

[The grass isn’t real, but he doesn’t know this yet.]

He sticks his tongue out to catch the sunlight, all of seven years old and unsure as to what sunlight tastes like.

Abuelo stands by him complaining, but all R-01 hears is static.

And then there’s a rough hand yanking him to his feet and dragging him back into the facility. Apparently, according to Abuelo, someone has managed to sneak into the facility.)

But it’s fine, really. Roier doesn’t need to remember his past to know who he is, and he knows who he is. He’s Roier! He likes tacos and kissing men.

In his sleep, Cellbit rolls onto his side and latches a clingy arm over Roier’s waist. He snuggles close, face burying itself in Roier’s shoulder with a pleased little ‘Mrrp!’ noise. His tail brushes against Roier’s thigh just once before settling down.

Roier smiles into the night. There are dark circles under his eyes and a sick feeling in his stomach and a gnawing something in the back of his mind.

He can’t sleep. Which is kinda funny, really, considering he’s usually the one asleep clinging to his overworking husband.

(R-01 stays in his cell for days listening for the jingle of Abuelo’s keys, but all he hears is the familiar screaming of the duck in the room next door. Must be her feathers again.

With a sigh, R-01 paces to the other side of his cell. She’s loud!

That’s when he hears it: a soft sobbing from the cell next to Roier’s. Not the duck, she’s loud. This is quiet, and there isn’t any quacking.

R-01 gasps. Someone new!

“Hola?” he dares whisper, not too loud ‘cause he doesn’t want to get in trouble, but he doesn’t like crying. It’s illegal. Abuelo doesn’t like it.

The crying stops. Then something taps at the wall right next to Roier’s ear. Another tap, and another, and it’s code, right? It has to be!

R-01 isn’t very smart, Abuelo tells him this every time they do their lessons, but he’s got this! If it’ll keep his new neighbor from crying and getting in trouble, he’ll solve this… this enigma!)

Richarlyson is with Bad again, and Pepito is staying with Quackity again, and Cellbit is asleep. So it’s just Roier and his thoughts and the distinct lack thereof that he’s trying to find somewhere in the mess that is his silly goofy little brain.

“You’re thinking,” Cellbit suddenly grumbles, jolting Roier from his thoughts (and the distinct lack thereof.) His voice is thick with sleep. Adorable. “Stop thinking. That’s my job.”

“What? You? Thinking? No way.”

Roier shifts in bed until he’s on his side facing Cellbit. Cellbit moves with him, pulling him fully into his arms and melting as Roier’s fingers find their ways to the hair at the base of his ears.

“Go back to sleep, gatinho,” Roier says.

Cellbit purrs at him in mild disagreement.

“What’s wrong?” Cellbit asks. He’s only halfway awake, but at least he cares.

(R-01 slowly manages to figure it out. He uses his mandatory arts and crafts time with Abuelo practicing his alphabet with colorful finger paints that make Abuelo sneer in disgust every time R-01 uses them on his own face.

His neighbor is talking to him, and it’s a secret. R-01 is basically a spy!

Every tap is a letter, he thinks. So two taps means “B”! Easy.

So, while Abuelo is busy with the duck, R-01 sneaks to the other wall and taps out a “Hola!”

The response is immediate and a bit too fast for him to be able to get, but he hears seven taps and then one tap and that’s “G” and “A” and there’s gotta be more, right? What words start with that?

Hesitantly, R-01 taps out: “MEOW”.

The duck screams. The neighbor laughs. The guards outside start shouting and banging and shooting. Footsteps come down the hallway, and then they say, “No.”

And then it’s quiet.)

“Nothing,” Roier lies. But, well, it’s only sorta a lie, right? Nothing illegal. Marriage-illegal.

“Okay,” Cellbit simply says, and then it’s quiet.

He purrs, rusty from exhaustion.

Roier pets him idly, eyes shut tight.

“It’s just…” he slowly says, “Bagi isn’t a cat hybrid, is she?”

Cellbit’s purring stops.

(R-01 wakes up on the table this time. He screams as the bear’s scalpel cuts into the skin beneath his eye, squirming in his restraints.

“No,” the bear simply says.

It’s the mean one, the one with the knife. R-01 doesn’t like this one; it’s the one he heard outside of the cat’s room. And he hasn’t heard from the cat since.)

Roier doesn’t remember much of his childhood, but at least he remembers having a childhood. Cellbit doesn’t have that luxury. It’s kind of his whole thing at the moment, working through his assloads of trauma one tiny little baby step at a time.

All Roier knows, and all that Cellbit knows, is that Cellbit crashed onto the island with cat ears and a tail, and that Bagi is totally and entirely human.

“But maybe you just got the furry genes,” Roier suggests.

He feigns a yawn and scratches the spot between Cellbit’s ears he knows makes Cellbit turn to goo, and goo does Cellbit become.

“Guapito…” Cellbit sighs.

Roier cuts him off with a ‘Shhh.’

“In the morning,” he promises. “I promise.”

“Mmmm,” Cellbit agrees, as smart and as well-spoken as ever. “‘Kay.”

Roier smiles, more genuine, and he kisses Cellbit once before at least trying to relax. It’s fine, right?

(R-01 gets one hour of supervised outdoor time every day to keep him from getting sick.

He waits until Abuelo isn’t paying attention to stretch his hand up towards the sun.

The duck is gone. They’re still looking for her. And R-01 is still looking for the cat.

The garden is surrounded by four walls, but there’s no ceiling. Just the open air, because ducks can’t fly. No risk of escape.

But spiders can climb.

Squeezing one eye shut and sticking his tongue out in concentration, R-01 points his fingers at the top of the nearest wall like how he thinks a superhero would. Because he is a superhero now!

The web comes out as painfully as ever, but all R-01 cares about is the wind against his skin as he’s pulled out of the garden and to freedom.

Abuelo is angry and shouting down below, but who cares? R-01 is a superhero now! They made him one, and he’s got a kitty to save somewhere!)

[Cellbit’s parents used to chastise him and his sister, telling him, “Curiosity killed the cat!” But Bagi had always argued that, well, so what? They aren’t cats! They’re people!

But then the bear said the same thing as it stuck the IV in Cellbit’s arm. And Cellbit thought of the dead little girl with rabbit ears he found in the woods, and the dead little boy with the bird wings, and, at the ripe old age of eleven years old, he cried as he realized how big of a mistake he had made.]

[greatestrival]

Yuki Tsunoda: 10 Things I Love for GP RACING MAGAZINE APRIL 2024 ISSUE

scanned by me (please credit if you repost lmao these took so loooong)

text under the cut

10 THINGS I LOVE

RB's Japanese racer on his love of saunas, good coffee and - well, food, of course

Fashion

I like fashion. I like to choose my outfit according to my mood or where I'm going. And I like to show my colours, if you like. In short, it feels good to look good.

Food

There's no particular cuisine I like, but for me a good meal is a kind of tool to reduce stress and feel happier. It doesn't matter what kind of food it is - if it's good, I enjoy it, whether it's tacos or sushi. I really like pasta. When I'm in Italy that's what I usually eat. But it's important for me, wherever we go, to find a good restaurant so I can enjoy the food. Because in a way, as strange as it may sound, it gives me the same feeling as driving a Formula 1 car. When I drive, I just concentrate on that. It's not that I don't think - of course I do, especially during the race - but when it comes to driving, it's more about the senses than thoughts. When I'm driving I don't think about anything else. And it's almost the same with food. You just enjoy the taste and flavour - and I really like that!

Nature

We travel a lot and are surrounded by electronics and computers, Laptops, telemetry, data is our world - and sometimes it's just too much. So I like to get away from it all, to go hiking, for example, or just get out into nature and experience a different environment to Formula 1.

Jason Statham

Definitely my favourite actor, especially after meeting him in Abu Dhabi last year. I've always liked his films and Transporter is my favourite - but sometimes when you meet your hero and get to know the person better, you can be disappointed, can't you? It wasn't like that with Jason. He is such a great guy, really nice, talkative, very respectful and really, really strong! He's got everything you need. He's strong, he looks cool, he's bald. I might go bald in the future to look more like him...

Singing

I'm not the one who sings in the shower, but I do sing in the car. I just feel like it, to feel the rhythm, to have fun. And when I'm singing, I feel like a real singer.

Saunas

It's something I like to use to reset. 20 minutes in the sauna, then a cold shower and lying down - at that moment I feel like I'm in space. And it is an incredible feeling. It feels like your body is resetting itself. It feels like all the stress I have, it just comes out with the sweat, so after the sauna I feel fresh. Like a brand new me. It's funny, I didn't really like it before, but my friends kept telling me how great it was. So one day I just decided to give it another try and finally understood what they were talking about. Now it's one of my favourite things to do: just go to the sauna and relax.

Coffee

I have a good coffee machine at home. I like to grind coffee beans in the morning and make myself a good cup of coffee. Good coffee makes my day.

Wine

I don't drink alcohol very often, to be honest. And I'm not a guy who knows a lot about wine, about different types and varieties of wine. I'm not an expert, if you like. But it's nice to have a glass of wine with good food. It helps you enjoy it even more

Apex Legends

I used to play a lot more when I moved to Europe from Japan - and Apex Legends was my favourite game. I don't play as much now, but during my junior career it was a way to keep in touch with my friends in Japan because we were so far apart. Of course you can call and chat, but doing something together, playing and talking at the same time, is a lot more fun.

Football

I sometimes play football with the mechanics, engineers and other guys from the team in Faenza. And I love it. Because first of all I like the game itself, but then it's also good to hang out with the guys from the team - especially considering that it's usually the guys who don't go to races and stay at the factory, so it's also a good opportunity to bond with them.

[river-shards]

RATING GHOST SHELLS BY HOW MUCH I WANNA EAT 'EM

(I won't be covering all Ghost shells right now because there's just too many of them.)

:readmore:

Basic little guy Ghost: Looks like candy, honestly. Probably a bit bland??? 7/10

Chocolate guy shell: It's chocolate. Why would you not want to eat a big hunk of chocolate? 9/10

Drop pod shell: Like a fine truffle, freshly plucked. Would love to shave them over my pasta. 10/10

Kitty ghost: THAT'S A KITTY!! A SILLY BABY!! You do not eat. You bite. 1/10

Sunshot shell: Buddy looks like cake and I don't really like cake. Maybe if he had a shader that made him look like red velvet?? 5/10

Cabana shell: Looks like it tastes like coconut. I fucking love coconut. You can trick me into drinking alcohol if you douse it in coconut syrup. Ghosts who wear this shell better watch their back. 10000/10

Egg shell: I don't really like eggs... 2/10

Almost mighty: Consider: it would be funny. 8/10

Cool guy shell: Looks like it tastes like pineapple and cream cheese, or piña colada. Wanna know what's in piña colada? COCONUT BABYYY 100/10

Bonus!

Glint: He used to be called Pulled Pork. I'm assuming he tastes like pulled pork. Bro is going in my taco. 9/10, count your days.

[themetaphorgirl]

me: finally completes her prompt list for Whumptober 2024!

also me: decides she's also going to finish Whumptober 2023 AND 2020

okay so since I Don't Know How to Slow Down, I just sorted through my notes for 2020 and 2023- turns out I still have some prompts left open! I really want to (belatedly) complete them, so I'm opening these up for claiming too!

I will write:

-Lockwood & Co

-Umbrella Academy (mostly Five whump and also season 4 never happened)

-Patron Saint of Lost Causes (there's some GOOD prompts for them on the list already too!!)

-Six of Crows/Crooked Kingdom

-and just for funsies, I'm going to toss Artemis Fowl in there too

open requests under the cut! (but also- if you want to request something not on the list, my inbox is always open!)

No. 23: “It’s gonna get me by the end of the night.”

Shadows | Stalking | “Who’s there?”

No 9. FOR THE GREATER GOOD 

“Take Me Instead” | “Run!” | Ritual Sacrifice

No 10. THEY LOOK SO PRETTY WHEN THEY BLEED 

Blood Loss | Internal Bleeding | Trail of Blood

No 20. TOTO, I HAVE A FEELING WE’RE NOT IN KANSAS ANYMORE 

Lost | Field Medicine | Medieval

No 22. DO THESE TACOS TASTE FUNNY TO YOU? 

Poisoned | Drugged | Withdrawal

No 26. IF YOU THOUGHT THE HEAD TRAUMA WAS BAD… 

Migraine | Concussion | Blindness

No 29. I THINK I NEED A DOCTOR 

Intubation | Emergency Room | Reluctant Bedrest

No 30. NOW WHERE DID THAT COME FROM? 

Wound Reveal | Ignoring an Injury | Internal Organ Injury

No 31. TODAY’S SPECIAL: TORTURE 

Experiment | Whipped | Left for Dead

Alternate Prompts

Drugging

Punctured

Falling

Stitches

Memory Loss

Nightmares

Presumed Dead

Water

Accidents

Shot

[shion-yu]

Taco Fiesta 2.0

Quick story for fun ft. @wussifer's OC Jack and my boy Cliff who are actual soulmates in another life <3 Based on this. 1,287 words, CW: food poisoning, emeto, mucho fluff.

Jack's love for questionably safe street food had gotten him in trouble more than once over the years. Cliff kept telling him to stay away from those stands but Jack's memory seemed only to last a few months before he took the plunge again. This time is was "Phil's Philly Steaks" and Jack thought the name was way too funny to pass up trying. 

Cliff groaned and tried to tug him along. "Jack, please, Leo's got dinner at home waiting for us," he tried, but it was hopeless. The call of street meat with a terrible pun was all too powerful. 

"It's fine," Jack said casually as he handed over a wad of ones. "I have a different stomach for this kind of thing."

"You do not," Cliff rolled his eyes. "Just don't come to me when it's 'Got Taco to the Fiesta' 2.0, alright?" 

"Sure, baby," Jack said cheerfully, accepting the giant paper plate overflowing with steaming Philly steak that he was handed. "Thanks man," he told the vendor and Cliff followed behind him to a nearby bench.

Cliff looked at Jack's purchase with distaste. "That looks like brains," he said. 

Jack took a big bite and hummed with satisfaction. "Delicious brains though. Wanna try?" 

"Absolutely not," Cliff said, pushing the forkful Jack was holding up away and sticking out his tongue. He waited as Jack miraculously devoured the entire meal and threw away the plate with a satisfied burp. "You're so gross," Cliff whined as Jack laughed and appologized. 

They took the train back home and made it to Leo's apartment without further incident. Jack's belly was sticking out a bit but true to his word, he managed to shove down a whole plate of dinner made by Leo, too. Cliff had no idea how his boyfriend had such a bottomless appetite but he figured at least Jack was eating enough for the both of them, given Cliff no longer ate my mouth. After dinner they went to Jack's room where Jack sat at his desk to study and Cliff watched videos on bed. 

Jack was still studying when Cliff got sleepy and turned in for the night. "Night Jackie," he said. Jack blew him a kiss and looked fondly at his little family on bed, made up of Cliff, one cat in his arms and one dog at his feet. He had about fifty of the same exact picture but he couldn't help but snap another one with his phone, they were just so cute. 

Around eleven, Jack's stomach started rumbling loudly. He rubbed it and shifted in his chair uncomfortably. He had definitely eaten too much today, but it'd go down soon enough. Except an hour later, it certainly hadn't gone down and Jack felt even more bloated than before. He groaned and stood up, thinking maybe walking around would help. Did they have Tums in the bathroom? Jack located then and chewed two of the tablets. The chalky taste did the opposite of make him feel better and he realized very quickly that he was feeling nauseous. 

It was just too much food, he told himself. No way this was the tacos from three months ago 2.0. He hit his chest with his fist a few times and let out a loud belch that made his eyes water. He glanced at Cliff but his boyfriend was still sleeping soundly. The dog, however, was staring at him in startled disdain.

"Sorry Sabi," Jack said, rubbing his aching stomach. Sabi sniffed as if he understood and rested his head back down on Cliff's legs. 

Jack tried to go back to studying, but his stomach was really burning now and it felt like the words he was attempting to read were running all over the page. He had begun to sweat and groaned, pushing his chair away from the desk and pressing his forehead on the edge. He tried to breathe through the nausea but one thought about the neon yellow cheese sauce on that cheese steak today put him over the edge and he made a mad dash for the bathroom.

It was an absurd amount of food to have eaten, and it felt absurd coming back up. Jack threw up wave after wave of chunky, smelly vomit and swore to himself for probably the twentieth time that he'd listen to Cliff about the street food next time. After a few minutes it seemed like he was empty, and the dizziness was gone. Jack flushed the toilet and stood on shaky legs to wash his face and hands in the sink. He listened, but Leo's bedroom was too far away to hear and Cliff seemed to have manage to sleep through it despite the occasional very loud moan that had come out of him. 

Jack returned to the desk in his room, hoping that was it. Going back to studying turned out to be a no go though and Jack gave up quickly, crawling into bed next to Cliff and resting his head on Cliff's chest. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep. The attempt lasted about fifteen minutes before Jack was launching himself back into the bathroom for round two. That solidified it - it wasn't just overeating and Phil's Philly Steak was most certainly the culprit. Jack threw up until there really wasn't anything left but stomach acid. It took him another ten minutes to gather the strength to stand up and wash up again, spraying some air freshener on his way out to mask the putrid smelling combo of fry oil mixed with puke. 

Jack stumbled back to bed and lay down, clutching his stomach with a loud groan. Cliff didn't look so cute asleep anymore. He looked annoyingly peaceful while Jack was going through cheese steak purgatory. Jack shook his shoulder, whining. "Cli-ifffff." 

Cliff twitched and opened his eyes, squinting at Jack cluelessly. "What?" He asked, his voice thick with sleep.

"I threw up," Jack said pathetically. 

"Oh, sorry baby," Cliff mumbled, reaching for Jack and pulling him close. "Do you... need... Zzzz." Aaaaand he was asleep again. Jack sighed and cuddled against Cliff anyways. Cliff tended to be fairly useless between the hours of ten PM and eight AM unless Jack really set off the alarms, but he wasn't going to do that for another round of food poisoning by stupidity. 

"Thanks Cliff, you're so comforting," Jack muttered. Cliff's arms did feel nice though, and before Jack knew it his eyes had begun to sag closed. "Love you," he said.

The next morning there'd be plenty of time for scolding and then coddling and rubbing Jack's back as he threw up again. But at least until morning, the two of them managed to sleep - one much deaper than the other. 

"You should've woke me up," Cliff said the next morning while serving Jack plain toast in bed, hoping it would ease Jack's stomach cramps.

"I did," Jack said.

"Really?" Cliff asked, a look of genuine confusion on his face. "Sorry. I don't remember."

"It's okay," Jack said. "I'll forgive you if you make me a good Philly cheese steak at home."

Cliff made a face of disbelief. "Jack, you cannot seriously want to eat right now," he said.

"Not now! Later. To erase the taste of the poisonous version from my memory," Jack said.

Cliff shook his head. "Maybe you should try and remember the poisonous one next time you want street food," Cliff said. But then Jack gave him such kicked puppy dog eyes that he added, "Okay, I'll do it, just listen to me next time, please?" 

Jack grinned, gave Cliff innocent doe eyes and said with an incredible amount of confidence, "I always listen to you!"

[ithseem]

hi!! just discovered your blog and I was like omg!! you write for cod!! can definitelyy relate to hating guy and your post where mc burnt his dress hit the spot (bro literally KISSING the mc when they first met in the prologue left a sour taste in my mouth) could i request the ancient magic users (or just toa, lynt and roy if that's too much) with an ABSOLUTELY CHAOTIC gn mc who speaks all their intrusive thoughts out loud, I think it would be funny

"hey what if the school just. burnt down. right now"

"is a hot dog a sandwich or a taco" "birthday presents are just rewards for not dying that year"

thank you and have a great day/night!! also i'd like to be 🍭anon if possible

Absolutely, 🍭

Toa, Lynt, and Roy with an Unhinged S/O

Toa

Honestly kind of appalled at first by you.

As a prince he kind of has to speak through a filter, you know, because of political reasons.

But he won't deny that he is curious about you.

Will be caught off-guard if you say thoughts like "kinda wanna set the potions lab on fire"

What? You're not going to do that? You just needed to say it aloud?

Once he understands that you're basically Fenn 2.0, he won't really mind

In no time, your lack of a filter would be a breath of fresh air, especially if you say something out-of-pocket to Guy.

Don't say anything too outlandish though, lest it get you into trouble.

Also especially compared to the kitchen appliance fan club (Toasters), you are refreshing to be around.

Lynt

Doesn't really mind as long as you don't act on your intrusive thoughts.

Sometimes what you say will catch him off-guard and he might lose a few minutes of sleep.

Things like ""Go to bed, you'll feel better in the morning" is the human version of "Did you turn it off and turn it back on again?"" or "Millions of people are doing the exact same thing as you are right now."

How could you ;-;

He'd mostly just sleep through a lot of what you're saying

Roy

Roy's met some pretty interesting characters, and his fangirls are quite an odd bunch

You are also odd, but in an amusing sort of way.

He appreciates honesty and openness, but he most sincerely hopes you're all bark and no bite.

Thank goodness you are, since life can be a bit dull sometimes.

While he does find your antics entertaining, you gotta be careful not to get into too much trouble though.

Is willing to entertain shower thoughts with you.

[rwby-encrusted-blog]

Fruity

Ruby: Top Ten Fruits: Number ten is Watermelon. It tastes good, but the texture is weird.

Ruby: Number Nine: Durians. The smell bad and taste weird and I appreciate them for it.

Ruby: Number Eight: Bananas. Tastes good, look funny, are healthy for people, but make the roof of my mouth feel all cut up.

Ruby: Number Seven: Apples. I the worst thing about them is the core, and occasionally biting into those grainy ones. otherwise I highly reccomend.

Ruby: Six is pineapple. It's a bunch of berries that fuse together. It's cool and Sweet, and part of pineapple upside down cake!

Ruby: Tomato is at the halfway point at number five, because it's my list and I do what I want.

Ruby: Number Four: Lemons. For lemonade, and putting them on street tacos and iced tea.

Ruby: Number three is a tie between Dragon Fruit and Kiwi, Because Dragon fruit looks cool, and it's name is awesome. Kiwi can be eaten whole unlike all the rest of this list, where you need to remove peel and avoid rind or stems and stuff. Also Kiwi is fun to say. Kiwi. Kiwi. KEE-WEE.

Ruby: At number two we have strawberries. If you know you know.

Yang: Wait I thought Strawberries most of all?

Ruby: It was, but I have discovered my favorite fruit of all time.

Ruby: So without further ado: The Greatest Fruit of All time!

Ruby: My Girlfriend Weiss.

[xblackreader]

Attoye Normal AU HeadCanons

Attuma Xoc Almehen - 26 - Yucatec Mayan

Okoye Achebe - 28 - Zimbabwean

Okoye was working in real estate when they first met and Attuma was studying Marine Biology but worked Part-Time as a Gym Instructor.

Attuma rides a motorcycle and has taken Okoye for a ride on the back of it. He puts his helmet on her head and takes her around the corner. She hates it. It’s awful. Now she calls it a death machine and Attuma has to be extra careful while riding it. Because if he crashes, she'll make him sell it.

Okoye loves jazz readings and poetry nights, which is great because Attuma writes poems and plays guitar.

Attuma watches soap operas/ Telenovelas but doesn’t want anyone to know; He used to watch them with his mother growing up in Yucatán. He’s sensitive and loves rom-coms and reality TV too. Attuma absolutely DOESNT cry at the end of The Fault in Our Stars, there was dust in his eye…

Okoye occasionally watches them with him, mostly because she loves to sit in his lap while he yells in Spanish at the Television. She has been secretly taking Spanish lessons online and learning and one day she chimes in to surprise him.

“Josephina! She caught the bullet with her hands! Órale!”

“Que? Now She is poisoning Senor Gonzales? Estúpido! Doesn’t she know Carlos is her real father??”

A shocked silence rolls over them both. Okoye just hopes he would find it funny, even if she sounded ridiculous.

Why is he crying? “Mi corazón! Enamorada de ti…” he is sobbing and crushing her in his arms.

“So I said it right?” “Yes! You did so good!”

Attuma thinks it’s so amusing when she randomly curses in Spanish.

“Esra taco está de puta madre.” She says under her breath at the table and he bursts into laughter. “I’m glad you like it, I guess??” He'll say.

Attuma likes it when she calls him ‘Papi’. He likes it a lot.

“Attuma, come here please!”

“One second, Ko! What the fuck!? That was in!” He’s watching soccer, but she needs him to come taste this new recipe she’s trying.

“Papi, come here and eat this!”

She doesn’t hear anything for a moment and then, quick heavy steps until he’s in the doorway. He looks her up and down then to what she’s doing. “What did you say?”

“I said come try this.” She lied.

“No, you didn’t. You said ‘come eat you’. You called me Papi. Them is 'fucking words'.”

“Come try this damn asada!”

“I’m not hungry for that. Bend over the counter.”

“Attuma!”

Okoye sends him dirty pictures while he's at work or often with friends. Before she moved in with him, he would have to endure her sending him racy photos in her underwear or suggestive selfies.

One time, she did it and he got tired of it.

She sent him a picture of her in new lingerie and watches as his text bubble pops up and down repeatedly.

Then

Incoming Call: Attuma 😘

"Hello?"

"Open the door."

She learned her lesson that night.

Their first date:

Attuma planned everything. With the help of their friend group.

He made dinner reservations and a beautiful walk through the botanical gardens and then he'd have Namor drive his range so he wouldn't have to worry about parking.

The reservations fell through, so they had to get take out food instead.

Namor got a flat on the way to pick them up from the gardens, he was waiting for M'baku to pick him up now.

and it was pouring rain. They were stranded in the pouring rain.

He and Okoye were soaked and he nearly cried thinking about how the night was ruined.

"It's okay, Tuma! This has been great still!"

"But it wasn't supposed to be like this, Ko! It was supposed to be perfect..."

They found slight shelter under a tree, and she comforted him. Pressing soft kisses into his cheek while he kicked at the rocks in front of him.

"I'm sorry, Ko..."

"Don't be. Listen, I like you and I love that you put so much effort into today... I don't even care that my hair is wet!"

"Really?" "Of course... sorta. But the rain isn't your fault."

They sat in silence for a moment.

"Y'know..." Okoye starts. "I've never had a kiss in the rain..."

Attuma doesn't respond just stands up and takes her hand in his, walking out into the rain. When he stops, she goes to ask how he wants to do it and her feet have left the ground.

The world stops when he holds her up in his arms and kisses her. And she feels like a princess! She thinks the violins she hears might be in her imagination... but she doesn't care.

His hands, gently in her hair, hers upon his chest. Attuma smiles and glances toward the sky which promises more rain to come, thunder like a round of applause for love and romance.

She takes a moment to appreciate the rain rolling down his neck and off his stubbled jaw.

He pulls back and sets her down gently. He lets out a small laugh and she knows it's because she's awestruck at how perfect he looks, soaked in rain.

"I'll make it up to you, Ko. We can have another first date."

"No."

"N-no? Wha-"

"This was perfect."

[theshotsheardacrossworlds]

FFXIV Write: Duel

In which Agi *actually* notices some light flirting from Gulool Ja Ja after their duel. SFW.

“What exactly did my husband tell you about me?” Agnes giggled before taking a bite of her taco. After relaying her frankly horrifying tale about how that two-headed shit for brains destroyed our tacos, Gulool Ja Ja ordered that the palace’s finest tacos be made for her.

As a thank you for indulging him in a duel, which I normally wouldn’t do.

However…

Gulool Ja Ja laughed heartily. “Oh, nothing scandalous I assure you! Estinien said, ‘My wife is the best warrior on the star. She’ll not spar with anyone, however…” There we go. However. “I believe she wouldn’t be able to resist sparring with you…the challenge excites her.’”

More laughter.

Because of course Estinien would say something like that to a bloke he’s just met and sparred with.

Love, I…

Fucking hells, ser---you know me too well!

Blushing slightly, she smiled. “Guilty. I’ve never fought a two-headed Mamool Ja before, so congrats, Excellency! You’re the first!”

“Ha! Well, I’m honored to be the Warrior of Light’s first.” The Head of Resolve fucking just winked at me?!?! What on earth is going on?!?!?

Wait…

Is…

With the other head asleep…?

What?!?!?

Now giggling more, her cheeks burned. “Oh goodness, yes. I…yes, these are such lovely tacos. Thank you so much, Excellency.”

That’s it, Agi. Get this shit back on track.

Luckily for her, things got one hundred percent less…umm…you know…after she perhaps not so subtly changed the subject.

When she mentioned the interaction with Estinien later, to her surprise, he laughed.

And laughed.

And laughed.

“Estinien Varlineau, what is so funny?!” Agnes pouted, lying next to him in bed after they put the children to bed.

He wiped his eyes and cackled. “Agi, you’re a beautiful woman! People flirt with you all the time, and you don’t bloody notice.” Estinien turned his head to face her very much still pouting face. “And the one time you do, it’s your new friend’s dad!” He quickly kissed her and then laughed more. He. Won’t. Stop. Laughing. Once he calmed his silly, sexy ass down, he smiled ruefully and held her hand. “In case you’re wondering, I’m not bothered by it.”

She smirked. “The laughing was a clue, love.”

“You only have eyes for me, my angel. Not worried about that. Though, it heartens me that His Excellency has such good taste in ladies.” A growing grin tugged on his lips as his pale blue eyes twinkled. “After all, you’re the very—”

“Don’t say it!” She giggled.

“The very breast wife!”

The two exploded in laughter.

I love you more than words could ever express.

My naughty man. I adore you.

[kuzcosources]

The Menu (2022) Sentence Starters!

dark content present!

‘Babe, please don’t smoke. It’ll kill your palette.’

‘Jesus. This is like prom.’

‘Yeah? I didn’t go to prom.’

‘None of the cool girls like you didn’t say yes.’

‘We have reached the base camp of Mount Bullshit.’

‘Here, we are family.’

‘We mustn’t disturb the Lord High Emperor of Sustenance.’

‘I strongly feel the need to punch her in the cunt. Like an uppercut. Right to the cunt.’

‘You really know your stuff, _____.’

‘So what’s with this food obsession?’

‘Um. Hey. Are you—crying?’

‘You sound so douche-y.’

‘It’s fun watching you in this place. You’re just so _____ about it all.’

‘I know what a concept is, _____.’

‘Call me the girl next door, but maybe some rules you should give a fuck about.’

‘You will eat less than you desire and more than you deserve.’

‘You haven’t touched your food.’

‘He’s a prick.’

‘We are not so smart when we are young.’

‘It was, as you can imagine, a memorable taco night.’

‘I’m sorry, but _____ never reveals his recipes.’

‘Did you just snap at me?’

‘I take my work very seriously, and you are not eating. That wounds me.’

‘I’ll ask again. Who. Are. You.’

‘Watch your mouth, sweetheart. Or I’ll smack the taste right out of it. Okay?’

‘Dude chill, it’s a fucking taco.’

‘With which hand will you “handle” this, _____ Left or right?’

‘We’re not actors. We’re real people.’

‘Fuck yourself.’

‘You are a fucking maniac.’

‘Do you enjoy providing your services?’

‘Come with me. I would like to show you something.'

'We're going to die tonight, _____.'

'Want to join me inside? It's getting chilly.'

'You got bread? This is so fucking reverse sexist.'

'I've been stealing money from you.'

'You are why the mystery has been drained from our art.'

'I know how to be alive. I like life. And I happen to be excited for what's next in mine.'

'I like beating men like you.'

'It seemed funny three hours ago.'

'You cook with obsession, not love.'

'It's everything wrong with us and yet we associate it with innocence.'

'We must embrace the flame. We must be cleansed. Like martyrs or heretics we can be subsumed and made anew.'

[f0point5]

Oh my GOD?!!! He ate fish? Lando? WTF???

He’s in love, it’s sooo clear now

I have to ask, when and how did he fall in love? They met twice before season started and yet race week one, he’s jealous of Carlos, he’s introducing her to his dad

He’s such a babygirl, I love every second of it.

Both chapters were great this week, very intrusive very revealing but still funny, fluffy and cute.

I’m so sad F1 is having a week off, but Melbourne should be fun. Lando and Oscar are for sure doing something with PR and marketing team

Will you be posting next week too? I hope Lando gives us some content, maybe travel somewhere fun or at least his friends post him.

He’s definitely not in love yet. He just has a crush.

I really want to do some kind of flashback to when they met at some point 😂

Some people are the type of people that when they feel like someone doesn’t like them, they get a bit hooked. Some people who don’t always feel like they measure up well to the people around them get a little hurt when it feels like the object of their affection is confirming their worst fears. And sometimes when people don’t really feel like they have a lot of people that understand them, they get attached to the first person they feel like might be able to…

Just throwing that all out there 😂

Oscar said he was going back to the UK for sim work next week because they won’t be back before Japan, so I would guess Lando is too…I hope.

But Martin Garrix was in Jeddah, so maybe he and Lando are hanging out…probably while Lando can still taste that taco 😂

Yeah, I’m going to try posting once mid week and once over the weekend even though there’s no rave and see if that is a better schedule for the pace of the fic. Hopefully it will be

[brahkest-fr]

do you have any tips on making fandragons? yours are really good in a way i cant quite quantify

oh why thank you! I love my dumb fandergs so much kldjkldd

I'm not sure if I have tips per se, but I can explain how my thought process works when I do make fandergs so maybe that can be helpful 👀

when it comes to making them, the way I do it is first deciding what breed to make em. I consider what details I want to bring out of the fandom character so for example, I made my Johnny Bravo dragon a pearlcatcher cuz I wanted the dragon to have hair but not so much like a tundra. I also had an outfit in mind (to match Johnny's t shirt and jeans) so that ruled out ancients since you can't dress em and I didn't feel like making a skin lol.

and behold: a man™. when I drew him, I thought it'd be funny to actually match the style of the show so he's all angular and disproportionate. I only included features that I wanted from the pearlcatcher like the horn, ears, and tail and tbh he looks like a rhino lol but I decided stuff like the hair tufts on the face and limbs was too much for my taste.

same thing went for my Samurai Jack dragon. however, this guy's actual dragon sprite is a lot more complex just cuz I felt like making him fancy and giving him armor.

but when I drew him, he's just very much like Jack in the show, including the style. and I'm not saying fandergs have to match the style of whatever, I just think it's a fun nod. you can also notice here I didn't draw the smoke gene on him. that's just a personal decision I wanted to keep only on the sprite, in reference to Japanese ink paintings.

my design philosophy in general is "how would x person look like if they were a dragon." but if it's like an animal/creature fanderg (like for example my bazelgeuse derg from monster hunter) then I just kinda combine both elements together.

so for Tasha here, laced and edged look like chonky scales which for me was close enough to the egg-like scales of bazel and I got a skin for the fire theming. no clothes cuz I didn't wanna cover up the skin so sometimes I don't even dress em up if I prefer seeing their bodies.

when I drew her, you can see the combined bits of both the monster and wildclaw - bazel's wings, the chonk claws, egg scales, facial features - wc tail feathers, the multigaze, feather hair. there's a lot of "use your imagination" in my designs so like, I don't usually take things at immediate face value. so some people might see laced/edged as just flat scales or maybe even feathers but my brain went oh those are fat fuck egg bombs kjldfkldkl.

sometimes my fandergs are just inspired from colors like Baja who's a taco bell fan dragon lol. I saw this hat and was like yeah I can do something with that. another example of a derg I didn't really dress cuz I wanna see the baja blast™ capsule. Baja would prolly be one of the more thematically standard flight rising dergs of my fandom ones cuz she's just a spiral without anything fancy pancy going on like the previous ones.

and sometimes it's just fun to make things kinda funky. for my Jacket fanderg, I was like, what if the chicken mask was literally a part of him and badabing it worked out really well with scales. his other colors are like red and white cuz I wanted a sort of basic bitch rooster color scheme. most of the fandom bits come from the skin I made him so he's a bit more involved on the artsy side of things. the art of him afterwards became a literal interpretation of the sprite.

I have a lot more fandergs of course but that's more or less my thought process on designing them! I don't usually have any sort of standard for designs, it really ends up being how much I feel like putting in and how much do I directly want to interpret from a fandom source. sometimes it's very literal and other times it's like a lil nod or so. tbh, you can really make a fanderg out of anything since what you wanna see is entirely up to you. I personally think it's pretty fun to see how close I can get with just what the site has to offer.

I have two more fandergs I'm actually working on rn and am very excited to share when I get to it hohohehe