#do you even know what thats like to live under a constant death threat???????

[moonspads]

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[lyssbelle]

Why you should appreciate Gi-Hun

It is now a long over due post on here about the most UNDERATED character on Squid Game despite being the literal main character. Gi-Hun. My poor darling who deserves the world. I will fight for this man and I will tell you all WHY he is my favourite character on the show and why he is NOT a bad person/father.

1. In case people didn't know, gambling can develop into an actual mental illness and in Gi-Hun's case, it has. It isn't easy for him to break the cycle and using up the money isn't him purposely being selfish. Now you could be saying "Huh? But what about the VIPS?!" the difference is, is that the VIPS are ALREADY rich and feed on their greed and boredom whereas Gi-Hun is poor and literally needs money THIS (Including anxiety amongst other things) has made him develop a gambling disorder.

2. It wasn't his fault he got fired from the company he was working at. They literally fired all their workers and didn't pay them so Gi-Hun HAD to go on a strike for the survival of himself and his family. As a result of this he ended up losing one of his closest friends which makes him develop PTSD. We see this through flashbacks he has of that moment. The way his ex wife then proceeds to blame him for YEARS by aluding "You chose him over your own daughter's birth" is so toxic. His friend was fucking DYING in front of him and he went on that strike for the family. This blame on him for both his friend's death and his daughter's birth only feeds into his PTSD and depression.

3. In the end, Gi-Hun wanted to stop the game and walk away with no money than lose Sang Woo in the end despite all that he had done. Gi-Hun was willing to forgive him because thats the kind of person he truly is. He is kind and forgiving.

4. People calling him a bad father? Did you not see how the mother treated Gi-Hun around the daughter? Acting like he's an outsider and not letting him carry her to the door because it will create "bad habits" and the step dad saying in front of the daughter "why did you let him in the house." The mother taking his daughter to another country without telling him is so disrespectful. The mother and the step dad are trying to poison the daughter against her father. Gi-Hun probably already felt shameful for his gambling issues and lack of money/job and so It doesn't help when the ex wife is always putting him down in front of the daughter and not letting him see her when he wants to.

5. Gi-Hun literallly RISKED his life to get money for his daughter and his mother from Squid Game. He was willing to DIE for them. Not get the money for himself.

6. Yes, Gi-Hun could have treated his mother better at the start of the series but that is the whole point of the show. We see him grow as a person and move past the things holding him back e.g. mental illness, when he chooses to go back into Squid Game. He chooses to go back for his FAMILY because the mother is very ill and the daughter is being taken overseas. He becomes better as he learns to value life over money and even helped his gambling addiction. Gi-Hun cared about others in the game and showed sympathy towards them. He cried when Saebyeok died because he valued her life over the money. He had been through so much loss. The old man, Saebyeok and Sang Woo and his mother's DEATHS broke him to his core to the point where he did not touch ANY of the prize money he won nor gambling anything. Squid Game has changed his outlook on life.

7. I will forever stand by the FACT that Gi-Hun wasn't abandoning his daughter by not getting on that plane. The front man KNEW his exact whereabouts and what he was doing. He told Gi-Hun to get on the plane. Now imagine hearing that. Do you really think he would lead them to his daughter and trying to live a normal life with her when there is a constant looming threat spying on them? He also doesn't know what happens to the winners. How can he guarantee the safety of himself and his family? He can't. And what if Gi-Hun's daughter was to lose a lot of money in the future? Would they call her for the Squid Games? He made the right choice. He chose to try to end it for his daughter's sake and all those people who are getting taken advantage of by the rich. Not to mention he had been through TRAUMA and had lost his closest friends in the game and then his mother was the cherry on top. That explains why he isolated himself for a whole year. How is he supposed to go on about his life in peace when he knows that is still happening to people? That the rich are getting away with all this? For being responsible for Saebyeok, Ali and Sangwoo? Not just that, what if the daughter wanted him to stay? How would she feel if he went back to South Korea again without being able to explain why?

*BREATHES* I have a lot more I can add to this but I'll stop here. I hope someone out there loves him as much as I do and agrees with me because he deserves better than just being a meme everyone laughs at :(

[widow-maximov]

Hello, I would like to request a wandanat x reader where reader is on a mission with Pietro (he is alive in this story) and something goes wrong, causing reader to get stuck under rumble or something like that. Wandanat are informed and they rush to the scene, all angsty 'you can't die blah blah and the manage to free reader but whether they live or die is up to you. Thank you, and if you cant write this thats fine

Honestly yes, this whole idea is just good... hehe

Last breath

Pairing: Natasha x Wanda x Reader

Warning: Language, fluff, angst :3

Summary: Missions with your best friend always end in success but what if one fails, how will your girlfriends react?

Word count: 3k

My requests are always open so feel more than welcome to pop in a suggestion for the next story :3

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To those who experienced death always say life is precious which they aren't wrong, you always lived by the moment until that one mission..

But let's side track a little bit..

You always were a thrill seeker, doing things like sky diving, bungee jumping and even cage diving with sharks so joining Shield wasn't surprising at all, you went out on all missions.

Which was something the Avengers noticed along with your dedication to be the best, they took you in and you fit in like a glove. Even though you were quite adventurous, your personality was the opposite.

You were shy whenever you were new but as soon as you got used to your surroundings, you was able to express yourself more to which is why Natasha and Wanda took interest in you.

You were loved by most of the team, the rest were natural towards you but there was one person on the team who adored you; Pietro Maximoff, the racer, the other twin is what everyone referred to him but he was your best friend.

You would consider him as brother but the fact that you were interested in his sister would be slightly weird. He always encouraged you to talk to Wanda but it wasn't just Wanda that you liked, when he found out the constant bullying started.

You wouldn't mind until the two redheads are around and he makes a joke that you can understand but somehow you'll be convinced that they understand and it will be awkward.

But this time you were going to ask them out even if you had no idea if they felt the same, you took a deep breath as anxiety slowly creepy up, you never was nervous so this says something.

As soon as the pair walked in, you looked over at Pietro to which he instantly put his hands up in defeat with a innocent smile across his lips.

You mouthed "I'm watching you" to him which caused him to laugh slightly, he nodded and continued to make his sandwich as he observed you.

You walked up to them with a nervous smile, Wanda returned the smile whilst Natasha observed you as if she was reading through you "Wanda Natasha heyy"

Natasha couldn't hold back a smile "Hello Y/n, is everything okay?"

"Is my brother annoying you?" Wanda questioned right after Natasha.

You nervously laughed "Oh no, he is being bearable today and yes everything is okay"

You rubbed the back of your neck "I came over here because I wanted to ask something"

They both looked at each other and simply shrugged as if to say that they don't know what you are talking about, they nodded and you continued "I wanted to ask the two of you out on a date- But it's okay if that's something you're not okay with!"

You were quick to reassure which made Natasha smirk at your nervous, they both had the same thing on their mind; To agree.

They both took your hand which made you look up "We would love to go out with you on a date"

Natasha nodded to agree with Wanda and that's when your smile grew wide "Really?"

Wanda nodded "Yes, we were waiting for you to do that for a long time дорогой (Darling)"

Pietro from the other side of the room dropped his sandwich at the sight "Get it girl!"

You looked over at him and gave him a confident smile to which he smirked and put his proud face "I did this" He looked over at Tony as he pointed towards yous, Tony rolled his eyes but had a small smile across his lips.

That's basically how that went, they were always fascinated by you but never made their move because they were slightly afraid you would end up rejecting them but turns out they were wrong...

That one mission that you thought was nothing but easy, despite being told to take more people with you, you were stubborn and didn't agree because you were confident that you and Pietro will take on anything, and even if you were right; You miscalculated one move..

Everything was going smooth, you and Pietro managed to convince everyone including your girlfriends that you would be fine, despite the gut feeling telling Wanda to go with you, she trusted you.

"Promise us you'll come back" Natasha whispered as she was hugged into you.

"Of course I will be back Nat, I promised you two a romantic evening today so yous will get that" You tried to convince them with the best confident tone you could master up.

Natasha pulled away with her glossy eyes boring into yours, as Wanda pulled you into her, she was crying because she hated goodbyes "You better be back Y/n/n or I will kick your butt"

You giggled a little "There will be no need for that I will be back"

She pulled away slightly as she placed a gentle kiss on your lips, something she has always done whenever you were going to missions. She took a step back and Natasha was quick to kiss you as well, she missed you already even if you weren't even gone yet.

You hated goodbyes so convincing yourself you will come back kept you going with the mission. You pulled away as Natasha took a step back to where she stood, she hugged into Wanda as they both watched you walk to where Pietro was.

He waved and they both waved back, he had a small sad smile across his lips, he pulled you into his side as he reassured you were going to be fine, just before the jet closed it's door..

Wanda shouted "Be safe! Both of you!"

You and Pietro turned last time and nodded in sync as the door closed, making yous both disappear and fly off to the mission. Wanda and Natasha went back to their room to do anything else but worry.

The mission went just like it was suppose to go but last minute there was something that pulled your attention, you pressed your com as you spoke "P there is something wrong in another part of this building, can you manage whilst I check it out?"

"Of course, I will be done in a second and I will join you"

You nodded to his words and ran off to the other building, with a gun in your hand you carefully scouted the place and checked for anything that's different.

That's when you heard quiet sobs, you slowly approached and that's when you saw a little boy sitting by a woman, probably his mother, she was stuck and you were quick to act.

You pulled off the pieces that were holding her down and pulled her out, she was able to stand on her feet so when Pietro arrived he took them to a safe place, what the woman failed to mention was that the building was falling apart so when you were shot by one of the enemies you stumbled back into the buildings infrastructure.

You held your shot wound as you looked down at your hand to see blood, before you could react a huge piece along with another small metal bars fell right on top of you.

Now you were trapped, good thing you still were able to take your gun that wasn't far from you and shoot the guy dead before he could finish you.

You groaned as you felt one of the piece of the building dig right into you, pushing you further into the ground "Pietro we might have a problem.."

You barely breathed out a sentence and before you knew it he was right besides you, he looked with panic at where you were. His attempt at trying to remove these parts only worsen the situation, he place his hands on it and started to pull which made a small hole on your stomach.

"No don't move it" You manged to whisper out to which he immediately moved away.

"Get.. Help" You were trying to save your energy as your breathing got worse, he nodded as his eyes filled with tears, he zoomed off to the jet where the radio was.

He alerted Tony and without hesitation wanted to return to you but there were still a lot of threats that he needed to care of, he prayed you would be fine.

You looked at how you were being crushed, what you or Pietro failed to see was the sharp metal pole dangling from the ceiling close to falling.

You breathed in and out calmly as you felt tears slide down your face, a voice came through into your ear that wasn't Pietro "Y/n we will be there soon, just breath in calmly and don't move"

Natasha and Wanda were informed instantly since they were apart of the team and Wanda was crucial to this whole rescue mission and knowing Natasha she wouldn't stay put especially when it comes to you.

"Please I don't want to die" You breathed out which was heard by the two redheads, their hearts broke at your pleads.

"I might be a risk taker but not today, please help" You sobbed out to the com and there was dead silence from their end.

"Hey дорогой (Darling) we will be right there, just hold on" Wanda's voice came through after couple long minutes.

You let out a shaky breath and just nodded because words weren't coming out, you laid on the cold floor as you waited for anyone to arrive and help you, just when you heard footsteps, you hid your gun in case they spot it and that's when it happened.

The metal pole tipped and fell, from the vibrations of the footsteps, it perfectly fit into that small hole that Pietro accidently made, stabbing you right inside your stomach, you gasp because yelling wasn't an option now.

Wanda and Natasha were seconds late but perfectly on time to witness the perfect fall, your eyes fell on the two redheads as blood slowly dripped down from your mouth.

Natasha dropped on her knees beside you as she held your hand tight letting tears fall freely from her "We are here котенок (Kitten)"

You smiled at her as you slightly nodded, you wanted to close your eyes but dying without seeing their face wasn't an option "I'm sorry.."

Natasha shook her head "There is noting to be sorry for, you're going to be fine."

You shook your head as you coughed up more blood "I'm sorry that I'm not coming back"

That's when Wanda's attention was turned towards you, she started to slowly take off the rubble of you but at those words, she rushed over as she dropped on her knees and held your other hand "No, remember I will kick your butt so you're coming back"

You smiled but it didn't met your eyes "I love yous.. so much"

"Y/n you're not going to die because you can't die" Natasha spoke up preventing her sobs as she watched as your eyes become heavy.

Wanda nodded quickly to agree "We need you Y/n/n please stay for us"

You was trying with everything you had, the more you breathed the more the pole moved and sleepiness was getting to you, you nodded with the last big of energy "Please... say"

"Say what Y/n?" Natasha questioned as your grip on their hands got weaker.

"It back" You manged to finish that sentence.

"I love you" They both said in perfect sync as you smiled again.

As soon as Tony along with Thor arrived and their attention was pulled towards them, that's when you closed your eyes completely, letting the darkness take you as whole.

Natasha looked back at you "No, no no no"

This made Wanda look, before she could say anything Tony called her to help to which she had to, she was up and using her powers to get you out without causing more damage.

As soon as they lifted most of the rubble off you, Natasha along with Thor pulled you out, Steve, Bucky and Sam were off helping Pietro and Bruce was patiently waiting for you to be brought in.

As soon as you were brought back to the compound, you were stuck in the surgery for many hours and through all of them, Natasha and Wanda sat there waiting for any update to be made.

They were hoping everything was going to be okay, that they will see your smile again as it was their favourite highlight of the day. The little risky things you would do for them just so you could see them laugh was your favourite thing.

You were absolutely whipped for them and they were whipped for you. You were still holding on because before joining you didn't have anyone to live for, but since you met them they were worth living for.

There wasn't enough hours in the day to be spent with the two redheads so holding on to see them was something you'll do even if it meant it was the last thing you do.

Wanda was asleep on Natasha's shoulder but the Russian couldn't close her eyes because all she saw was the blood pouring out of your mouth and the slowly fading life from your eyes.

The couple doctors that looked like they went through war itself, left the room which startled both redheads, causing them to jump up within seconds, looking more tired than before.

"Is she okay?!" Wanda was first to question the defeated looking doctors.

It was hard to read their emotions as they were in there for hours without breaks that even some of them collapsed into empty chairs taking couple breathes.

One of the doctors that nodded and continued to where they were suppose to go, Natasha sighed with so much relief and Wanda jumped right into her arms with joyful tear sliding down her face.

You were in a coma for some time until you woke up and your room was flooded with every person, Pietro was the first one to visit, besides Wanda and Natasha they practically never left you.

The hope was given that you would be okay but the reality was far from it, relaying on just hope is mostly disappointing, you were having difficulties which you never raised to Wanda or Natasha throughout months of finally being able to get out of that hospital room.

You hid them perfectly until one day, you were walking along side the two women you loved when suddenly the pain in your stomach hit you out of no where. It was a lot more stronger than normal, which caused you to stop.

They both looked at you confused and that's when they noticed a pool of blood form on your shirt, you looked down and back at them with shock in your eyes.

They panicked because this was something that they didn't expect especially since you had been hiding your suffering from them, you didn't want to stress them out because they already acted like you were fragile when in fact you didn't want to be.

Natasha rushed over to you as she took your arm and placed it over her shoulders to carry you to the medical wing "Has this happened before?"

You shook your head "N-no"

Wanda followed the Russian's lead as they both dragged you to the medic, she manage to look inside your head "Why didn't you tell us you were having issues?"

You looked at her realising what she has done "I didn't want to worry yous"

"So this has happened before?" Natasha asked again as they both placed you down on the bed.

You held your stomach "Not to this extent, it was slightly pain"

You inhaled sharply as the pain increased, turns out the doctors missed a very important piece to which it now caused a tear in your insides causing an opening and the sudden bleeding.

You knew this was going to be the end, you held on for as long as you could, the darkness coming back was a sign for you to let go for once and for all.

You reached out with both of your blooded hands towards the two women to which they were quick to react to, you smiled slightly at them "I am so happy we met"

They smiled not really understand why you are saying this, so continued "This isn't the end because we will meet again"

Wanda nodded "Of course we will meet, I will go get the doctor"

Your grip tighten indicating for her to not go "I wish it was all different and I could've spent more time with yous, I love yous so much"

The bleeding started to get worse to the point of dripping all over where you laid, Natasha looked down as panic filled her once again, this time she understood what was happening and there was no saving this time.

She had tears in her eyes as she placed a soft kiss on your hand as you finally took your last breath, Wanda refused to believe it as she rushed out to get someone but Natasha broke down besides you watching as they tried to get your heartbeat back.

Nothing worked, with a defeated look and sad eyes, the doctors delivered the sad news to the Sokovian, she fell onto the ground as tears streamed down her face. Both of the redheads world just fell apart as you took your last breath....

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[astrology-with-charu]

𝟐𝟔 / 𝟐𝟕 𝐀𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐥 𝐅𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐌𝐨𝐨𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐒𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐩𝐢𝐨 𝐚𝐭 𝟕º𝟎𝟔’

“𝔹𝕖𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕕 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕗𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕤, 𝕣𝕖𝕤𝕥𝕤 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕘𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕖𝕤𝕥 𝕝𝕚𝕗𝕖”

Today’s full moon is a power to be reckoned with, anyone who has ever dealt with a Scorpio knows, everything Scorpio is a power to be reckoned with. Strength of will driven by hurt, trauma and soul’s need to express itself is expressed by a Scorpio full moon.

This full moon is conjunct Chiron in 6th house of health and healing of India and together we pray for the healing and recovery of the country and of our planet. Over next two weeks the intense motivation, power and regenerative qualities of this aspect would bring a conclusion and closure in life which triggers a rebirth of sorts. We will delve deeper into the process of it and the life after today.

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Scorpio full moon alone was powerful enough as it triggers what the sign stands for - death and rebirth and transformation but along with its ruler Pluto standing still about to go retrograde we are getting an additional dose of truth coming to surface from way below the surface.

𝙔𝙚𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙣𝙚𝙛𝙖𝙧𝙞𝙤𝙪𝙨 𝙚𝙡𝙚𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙨 𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙪𝙥, 𝙞𝙩𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙋𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙤𝙧𝙖’𝙨 𝙗𝙤𝙭 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙖𝙙.

But some very deeply buried desire you have will rush back up as well because it needs to. In the past it was buried cause you didn’t feel sure enough, you didn’t feel its ok to ask or you thought its too taboo or “untraditional” to go after. Yet in vein of being honest with you and you only, it cannot be contained anymore and it needs to be expressed in your life.

𝗧𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗱𝗲𝘀𝗶𝗿𝗲 𝗴𝗶𝘃𝗲𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝗳𝘂𝗲𝗹, 𝗮 𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗽𝘂𝗿𝗽𝗼𝘀𝗲, 𝗱𝗲𝗲𝗽𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲, 𝗶𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗰𝘁𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘁𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗰𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗺𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗮𝘀𝗺𝗶𝗰 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝘀𝗼𝘂𝗹'𝘀 𝗽𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿. Its the constant balance of trying to living on the surface and living per your soul’s desires, you have been trying to walk but something is tipping that balance towards soul and leaving surface values and traditions behind. Its almost like what was “stable” and traditional itself is self destructing under the Uranus in Taurus transit so you don’t know what you are compromising your soul’s purpose for anymore.

“𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗳𝗿𝗶𝘃𝗼𝗹𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗽𝘂𝗿𝘀𝘂𝗶𝘁𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗱𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝘀𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗱𝗿𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗲 𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗼𝗻." 𝘀𝗲𝗲𝗺𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝘀𝗼𝘂𝗹 𝗮𝘀𝗸𝘀.

𝗦𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗽𝗶𝗼 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗿𝘁, 𝘂𝗻𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝗽𝘂𝗹𝗮𝗿 𝗯𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗲𝗳 𝗶𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝘄𝗲 𝗱𝗼 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲, 𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗮𝗰𝗶𝘁𝘆 & 𝗱𝗿𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗲𝘀 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗼𝗿 𝗮𝘀𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮 𝘀𝗲𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘂𝗺𝗮𝘀 𝗼𝗿 𝗱𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲𝘀 𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗮 𝗽𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗲 𝘄𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗯𝗼𝗿𝗻 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝘄𝗲 𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲𝘀.

Every Pluto transit strengthens that confidence and power in that part of our life and psychology. But he first opens all possible raw wounds so we can feel it all. Feelings have been branded as such a sign of weakness in our social construct. But feelings are our deepest connection to ourselves, they are the information of our soul and we have been trained by social norms to shut that down so actively that over time we become our own enemies instead of being our own best advocates. That opens the doors for our power to be taken by other people as this seemingly innocent act of suppressing what we are feeling, ignoring what isn’t sitting “right” with us, cowering down in name of taking the proverbial social high road - that first act which happens way before we are even conscious of what we are doing, that is where we hand over the reigns of our life to others.

And then in some dark night of our soul, the pain finally stops talking and starts screaming, something really small ticks it off cause its been ticking unheard all its life.

𝗔𝗻 𝘂𝗺𝗯𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗶𝘀 𝗰𝘂𝘁.

What follows is a scene many dramatic traumatic novels and plays have been written about, usually an event manifests in external world thats driven from that internal screaming. Almost like spirit is trying to catch our attention, “I run the show not you”. It feels like a near death experience cause the person you knew before that junction before that moment is truly dying.

A remarkable life force takes over, as a self assured part of you arises out of this experience cause what you have now created is yours and you created it organically. You not only recreate your body, you recreate your mind. You stand a little sturdier, your tone is clearer as you talk less and listen more both to life and yourself, you radiate a charisma which is tough to define as its not soft or natural, its chiselled and crafted through work thats gone on when no one was looking.

And from that position of self worth, you will attract equally contended and self assured people who share your mindset and values. Who don’t think intensity as neither the threat nor the weakness of character. Who know that those lines on your forehead have come from straining to recreate you into who you wanted to be and not what you were born as.

You blossom in the calm of mindfulness by maintaining this connection to self through a daily practice, meditation, yoga, prayer, devotion cause they every time lead you back to your powerful core your intuition every single day.

From that mindset you attract the resources of powerful nature too, as they match how worthy you feel your life is and how powerfully you feel about the purpose you are pursuing. You do get more lonely in worldly sense cause you only want to be with people who have the capacity to understand you.

𝗣𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗻𝘂𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝗮𝘀 𝗺𝗲𝗱𝗶𝗼𝗰𝗿𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝘁 𝗶𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘀𝗵𝗮𝗱𝗼𝘄 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗿𝘆 𝘁𝗼 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆 𝘀𝗵𝗮𝗱𝗼𝘄𝘀 𝗴𝗮𝗺𝗲𝘀. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝘀𝗲𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺. 𝗗𝗼 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗺𝗽𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺. 𝗗𝗼 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗲𝗻𝗴𝗮𝗴𝗲. 𝗗𝗼 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘀𝗵𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗸. 𝗗𝗼 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗴𝗼 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸. 𝗗𝗼 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗯𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗸 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗰𝗲.

Your powerful others will find you and they would live and die with you and for you and challenge you to greater heights.

Do not ever look back from here.

There is no going back from here.

[xplrvibes]

@ your call out for saying criminal things about your stan, I am so glad someone called that out. Also TW for talk about sexualization/harassment btw

Like, obviously it’s one thing if you’re joking amongst friends and saying graphic stuff in person as a joke (within limits), but it’s something else entirely when it’s on a public platform and people can read it.

I’ve read 100+ times about how Colby has more insta followers and stuff and Sam deserves those as well (which I 1000% agree that Sam deserves the recognition and love) but I wonder if people realize that a lot of those extra followers /probably/ come from a fetishization/oversexualization stand point. I understand he’s not forgien to the thirst trap photos. Obviously lol. But there’s still a line and limit where comments like that are still completely inappropriate. Like in their live the other week, people would not stop posting sexual/graphic comments when he was clearly telling people about something important to him! I would not want those extra followers if they came with reading shit like that all the time! Imagine his fuckin dms Unfiltered. Yikes dude. He’s just objectified in a really concerning way sometimes and I know in his situation, I would fear for my safety lol. And it’s even weirder for him bc some of those comments come from minors!! Like jfc way to put someone in a really bad spot! I guess in short what I’m saying is thirst tweets are one thing, constant sexual harassment is another and there is no amount of followers that makes it ok.

TW: As the anon said, this whole post is going to contain discussion of sexual harassment, death threats and just general creepy ass behavior.

Yes, I want to start by saying that there is a massive difference between thirst tweets, or saying someone is hot, or even fanfic or whatever-especially if it’s done away from where he might see it-and some of the absolutely gross and frankly, concerning things that are said not only about Colby, but to his face.

Also, on the follow count discrepancy between Sam and Colby-I am glad you brought that up, because I think that is something that needs to be taken into account, and so rarely is when people talk about this.  Yes, Colby has more followers and gets more attention than Sam.  Yes, its a shame.  No, it is not the end all/be all of greatness for Colby.

Generally speaking, Sam doesn’t get the same level of harassment that Colby does.  He has a relationship that he can be open about without repercussion; hell, the fans support both the relationship and his girlfriend!  He has mentioned multiple times in the past that he has never gotten the kind of wild dm’s that Colby has gotten.  When he’s on a live trying to tell people something serious, people listen.  I have never once heard of him receiving a death threat, or even extremely disturbing hate.  So yes; he gets less recognition and attention, and yes, its a shame. But he seems to get more genuine respect, and is treated more as a real human being.  So, take that how you will.  

(Not saying one is worse than the other, just...the grass isn’t always greener on the side with the higher follower count.  There is an extremely traumatizing dark side that comes with it).

A lot of what is said, not only about, but to Colby could absolutely be categorized under some form of harassment-take your pick, cause I’ve seen it all.  Sexual, verbal, death threats-hell, I saw a kidnapping threat today (screenshot, and the @ was blurred out so its not like I could do anything about it. But still...)  And you know-we only see a small fraction of what he deals with.  Think about dms, snaps, emails, letters, things people say to him in person when he meets them...thats where the really disturbing stuff probably is.

Marry that with the fact that fans have found their addresses, actually snuck into their apartment building, went to the 1st traphouse a whole bunch of times, found them at their hotels...I’d be in a constant state of fear, honestly.  

I see people complain a lot that he isn’t on social media very often anymore, to which I just roll my eyes and point at any number of creepy shit I’ve ever seen said to and about him as a prime example as to why he’s not that active. 

[herald-divine-hell]

The Failure Toward Islam in Dragon Age

This is a response to @shimmrgloom. He asked to go into detail about why I consider the Qunari a poor representation of historical Islam.

Warning: this will be a long post.

-

Let us start off the bat with most likely the most superficial reasoning why the Qunari and the Qun are meant to represent Islam. First and foremost, the world: “Qunari” is merely a switch around of the world “Qu’ran”, the holy book of Islam, just with an added “i” at the end. But you may be wondering: Herald, surely that was so coincidence? Not particularly, I say, no. BioWare does not accidentally name things - Templar is not coincidentally a term that they used to describe violent oppressors who serve the Thedas’ most religious and centralized body. Something so similar, describing a people who come from a land that is foreign to the rest of Thedas, a foreign way of life, and who are - to the minds of the Thedosians - quintessentially different that it leads to contempt and distrust almost automatically in their first meetings.

Background:

Now, some history over Islam. Islam, as most people know, was founded in the 7th century by the Prophet Muhammad, who revolutionized the societal framework of the Arabian Peninsula. Once a sandy land filled with bickering tribes that fought each other more and less than the outside the great powers of their heyday, the Eastern Roman Empire and the Sassanid Persian Empire. What Muhammad did, and not only did he start the world’s second largest religion, was unthinkable at the time. Instead of unifying the tribes in a manner of merely just conquest, though Muhammad was indeed a fearsome warrior and tactian, Muhammad utilized religion, and bounded everyone under the idea of the Ummah - the community of Islam - which thoroughly demolished any idea that kinship was greater than religion (though the idea would continue on to the modern age, with the rise of nationalism, to muddy the waters even further.) Now, it was near impossible for any one tribe to claim superiority over the other. All were equal in the eyes of God, and so the community should see each other as equals. (Again, the idea was there, but slavery was, and still is, prevalent, though Muhammad was known to have freed many of slaves throughout his life, with one of the first converts in Islam to have been an African slave.)

During the time of the Prophet, and the later successors to him after his death, known as the Caliphs, raids were conducted against the warring Romans and Persians at their Arabian border. It was only after a while did the Arabs commit a full offensive attack, utterly demolishing and annexing the Persians, and conquering large swaths of North Africa, including one of the Eastern Romans’ most prized provinces, Egypt. In only a few short decades, the Rashidun Caliphs - those who were companions and close friends and were, actually, elected by a council to be the successors, akin to a weaker sense of democracy - crafted an administrated dominion that was larger than Rome during its height. Most commonly, a lot of Westerners believe that the Arabs actively sought to convert their newly conquered subjects to Islam, and while there is a law that says a non-Muslim may not take a high ruling position in the government, (which would later change, as many religions and ethnics became the second highest positions in some islamic states) and that they must pay a higher tax, known as the jizyah, most of Islam’s converts came from the people’s own free will (if they lived under the Caliphate, most likely paying less in taxes was a large incentive) or from trade, as the Mali Empire and others showed, or it came from other governing powers, like the Turks or the Mongolians, adopting the religion of their subjects. Though, it primarily came from trade.

After the fall of the Rashidun Caliphate under Caliph Ali (and I’m not even going to get into the First Fitna, or the First Islamic Civil War, nor am I going to get into the Sunni-Shia split that occurred during the rule of the first Caliph, Abu Bakr.) the Umayyad family rose to power and claimed the Caliphate for themselves. Now, the Umayyads were different then the Rashidun - all five Caliphs were elected - but the new Caliphs were hereditary, adopted with even more practices from the more sophisticated Byzantines and Persians. During their rule, the first contacts between Islam and the West properly. (Prior to this, the only real meetings were between the Eastern Romans and the Caliphates, with a few incursions into Sicily.) The Umayyds swept up into the Iberian Peninsula, where Spain and Porturgal, and a little bit of the United Kingdom through Gibraltar, now resides, and moved into a little of southern France - though it was merely a tiny raid, Western History would compare it to a major victory for Christendom. (It did stop Islamic movement into Western Europe, but the Ottomans would show that Islam did not leave Europe entirely. The Umayyads would not continue heading into France for numerous reasons. Number one being that there was a massive rebellion occurring in the central part of the Caliphate, and two, their power would be extremely diminished.)

Now, after the Umayyads, come the Abbassids, the new Islamic Caliphate - and though not the largest, it was considered to be the greatest in terms of cultural and scientific importance for Islam. For under the Abbassids, Islam would begin its golden age. In this time, men like Ibn Sina, the Father of early medicine, or ibn Musa al-Khwarizmi, the Father of algebra, or ibn Hayyan, the father of modern pharmacy, would live in thrive. The Islamic Marco Polo, ibn Battuta, who traveled across Asia and Africa more times that one would consider necessary, would be born. The House of Wisdom, created by Caliph Harun al-Rashid, where Muslims, Jews, and Christians would work side by side, peacefully. (And even in Islamic Iberia, under the rule of the overthrown Umayyads, intellect bloomed, especially for the Jewish people.) And one of the first modern university in Islam, and the known world at the time, the University of al-Qarawiyyin, by Fatima al-Fihri, was also established during its time, and is still open to this day. 

Why am I harking on and on about the glories of men and women long dead? What does this have to do with the Qunari? Well, everything.

The Qunari:

As I mentioned before, the Qunari are meant to be the historical counterparts of the Islamic caliphates during its time. Why, you may ask? Well, for starters, their entire relationship with Thedas (Europe) is identical to Islam...from a European perspective.

The Qunari are invaders, fanatics about spreading their philosophy/religion/way of life to all the world who does not follow it. Now, out of everything I just explain, surely it has no connection to Islam? But it does. To Europe, their safety was in constant threat by Islam, especially the Byzantiums. Which was not unwarranted to be believed - the Arabs had tried to siege down Constantinople twice, and the Seljuk Turks, whom overwhelmed the Caliphate to establish their own nation over the Middle East, while allowing the Caliph to remain nominally head of Islam, had pushed deep into Anatolia, nearly to Constantinople, which sparked the Crusades.

What we got from the Qunari wasn’t not Islam as we noted, not totally at least. (which is fair. You typically don’t want to take everything from real life in your fantasy world) But it is the way Europe has viewed Islam for over one thousand and four hundred years. But unlike Europe being wrong, from what we get of the Qunari, from actual interactions, especially from the Iron Bull, of the Qun, we can assume that the Thedosian xenophobia is seemingly justified. Islam is foreign, and the West has always perceived the Near East as foreign, mystical, animistic. (This goes way back to Ancient Greece and Rome) And unlike our world, the Qunari is all of that, and more.

Instead of getting intellectual growth and cultural prosperity, we get what the modern West considers the Islamic fanatics, but as the entirety of the group. The Qunari wants to subsequent Thedosian and Andrastian doctrine to the philosophy of the Qun (Sha’ria) Instead of wearing armor, they wear tight ropes that show off skin that is alien in color, and have horns that are exotic. (Just like how Europe saw Muslim women as seductresses, with near-translucent cloths for clothing) Instead of being tolerant to other peoples religions - which the early Muslims were very much were, especially during their times - the Qun would take no one else, but Qunari. All will have to convert, or risk death, imprisonment in a mine, or worse. They are “reeducated” by the Qun, to follow orders and to die for their philosophy. Where do we see that? ISIL, Al-Qaeda, the Taliban - contemporary fanatics, but they are the near closet to Islam as the Qunari get.  What we see is a mockery to beliefs that Islam had stood for over a thousand years.

We do not get the Qunari preserving ancient Tevinter documents. We do not get ibn Sina, and other Islamic philosophers and investors that changed the world - for better, or for worse. We get nothing that shows Islam during the time period that Thedas is meant to take place, but the rest of the Thedas easily can pass for their historical time period, except with fantastical creatures. Even with the Ottomans, sure they took boys to make them guards and an elite infantry, and thats the fairest you can say that looks like the Qunari during that time period, but thats it. 

All in all, the Qunari is meant to take the place of Islam, while demolishing everything Islam was and is, instead propping forth centuries old propaganda and stereotypes and fears.

I do acknowledge that the Qunari are not entirely Islamic in society - they have large aspects from Communism and Confucianism - but their historical and geopolitical placement in Thedas, alongside their foreign policy toward Thedas is merely Islamophobia in its entirety. And that hurts to say, because the Qunari could had been something more, but BioWare did not even try to recon it. Sure, they are technologically advance, but at what cost? Slavery? Conquest? Everything that I have learned since I was a child about the terror of Islam? It’s true for the Qunari, and its hurt. Don’t get me wrong, I find the Qunari fascinating, and I can’t (hopefully) wait to learn more about them in DA4, but it still hurts to see my history so tarnished by BioWare’s lack of even proper research.

[ziracona]

And I hate to do this- So on that thread, not that he's as bad, why do you think Michael is redeemable? (and also Frank) Especially by his main victim? :? I hope that isn't as bad or as judgmental as I think it sounds... - Sleepy (its like 5am here :3 living up to my name i see)

So, these I gave a short and a long answer for under cut, but forgot I’m on mobile and can’t do that. I can tag it “long post” but uhhh, sorry about this. Anyway, thats why Frank comes in two chunks. I wrote it expecting to be able to use a read more. :’-] also ya fine. And I hope you’re in bed 🤣 now. Okay so. Here’s my reasons:

For Michael, to start, Halloween is complicated af. You have to know what timeline people are talking about, because there are like 8+ and Michael has been written as a wildly different character by wildly different content creators, and I would not feel the same ways towards them all. They’re not the same character. When I talk about Michael, unless I’m going on about a specific other film, I mean either H20 canon, or DbD canon, which are in line with each other when it comes to characterization. (This also includes Halloween’s 1 & 2 in the H20 line, and Halloween 1 at least in DbD). In those timelines, Michael has like at best 2% agency and choice in his own life and what he becomes. That’s why I am sympathetic. I still root for Laurie to nail his ass to the wall of course, and everything he has done to hurt someone isn’t okay just because his life is unfair & awful & out of his control, but I still find him a very tragic character. He was canonically suffering violent psychosis his parents refused him treatment for, isolated with a monster as his doctor & only human contact for 15 years from age 6 on, overdosed on medications that when OD’d worsen psychosis symptoms and can cause permanent brain damage, and stuck like that until escaping briefly when he turned 21.

In Halloween canon, Michael tells his parents he hears voices telling him to do bad things like hurt people, but they tell him he is imagining stuff, and ignore his attempts to get help. The voices say they will be quiet, which is what he desperately wants, if he kills his sister Judith. So he does, at age six. Scientifically speaking, that’s literally too young to really have a complete grasp on death and mortality itself, let alone complex ethics. He immediately goes to his parents after doing the deed, so they can do whatever they need to do. Instead of getting him help, he is sentenced to 15 years in a 1960s American sanitorium (hell), until he turns 21 and can be tried for murder as an adult (fucking ridiculous and unfair?? Tried as an adult is for like, upper teens who commit heinous murders. How tf you justify trying a six year old literally too young to really understand murder as an adult for murdering someone??). They give him to Dr. Sam Loomis, a fucking horrible person, who says he spends 8 years trying to help Michael (a fkn lie), but canonically by only a few months of meeting the kid is thoroughly convinced he is evil, the devil or a demon in human form, faking his psychosis and side effect symptoms (trauma induced mutism from killing his sister, onset of catatonia/motion loss symptoms, etc, all of which are common with his disorder & trauma), desperate to kill again, and an evil mastermind doing the devil’s work, and says so. Spends four hours every day accusing Michael as a six year old child on, of planning to do horrible things and faking his illness and being a demon and not a human, and Loomis, from age 6 to 21, is this kid’s only human contact. And the staff knew it and how wrong and disturbed Loomis was, but did nothing. So from age 6 to 21—barring one or two visits from his mom & Laurie before his dad beat 4 year old Laurie for saying Michael’s, who he hated after Judith’s death, name—until she trauma blocked out having had a brother or sister at all, and then both parents died in a car crash—his only human contact in complete isolation was an adult man who told him for four hours a day he was an evil lying demon faking his symptoms and plotting murder and not a human and promised he would kill Michael and stop him, from childhood on, and that was it. He was never given an understanding of what was medically wrong with him, or that anything was at all. He was threatened and abused and kept overdosed on drugs for 15 years since early childhood, and his only understanding of the world taught in that absolute isolation, was that he was a demon who wanted to get out and kill again. And the violent psychosis, telling him if he killed both sisters, they would go away and leave him in peace with no more constant noise. With no normal understanding of the world or people or life like he was owed ever given to him, no understanding at all of what you were going through or were aside from the promise drilled into your head you were a monster who wanted to kill every day for 15 years while drugged up? Like, I’m a firm believe people are responsible for their own actions, but in a case as extreme as that, honestly, how else was that ever going to even be able to end? You forget, as a child. Who you used to be. That’s beyond grooming even, it’s being grown in a lab for the sole purpose of someday walking out, taking a large kitchen knife, and killing Laurie Strode. And it’s tragic. It’s unfair. Halloween is a tragedy, not a horror film. It didn’t have to be that way. He wanted help. He asked for help. Loomis is directly and pretty much solely responsible for the lives lost in 1978. You know he won’t even call Michael “him”? The only human he contact he had since age six on called him “it.” And no one stopped any of that. And even then. Even then, even with all that. With the drugs, and the lab grown killer, and all of it? Michael is pretty much the single least sadistic slasher killer there /is/.

Everyone he kills in Halloween? He kills fast. It’s actually kind of boring if you’re expecting a scary slasher, because there’s no chase until Laurie. He just appears, runs you through, and you die. Very fast. And if there is any emotion expressed towards the act of killing or aftermath, it’s not pleasure or hate or happiness, it’s curiosity, because literally everything is something he wasn’t allowed to experience growing up and just has no practical experience with yet. And on top of all that, he also just doesn’t kill people he doesn’t have to. He kills one man for clothes, kills Annie to re-do Judith’s murder since it didn’t work the first time and he needs both sisters for the voices to stop, and he kills Bob and Lynda becuase they stumble onto where he is & are a threat to success. (This + Judith 15 years prior is all the deaths in Halloween period, btw). Michael routinely only kills his target, and anyone who is a threat to success. Literally doesn’t even jump out to kill Bob or attack until Bob opens the door to the closet he was hiding in, and he has been seen. Walks past a security guard and lets him go in H20 becuase he doesn’t see him, steals keys from a mom with her 4 year old kid and doesn’t even hurt them because they don’t see him really either, steals a knife from an old lady making a sandwich who is one foot away but looking the other direction, so he lets her go. Even with all the possible stakes against him, really, Michael is like, the least cruel and most sympathetic and merciful version of that lab grown killer possible, which can only be a testament to the person he was initially/still somehow has managed to keep faint traces of alive inside.

As for Laurie finding him redeemable, answer is threefold I guess, and I’ll start with the most important. 1: in Halloween canon, Laurie cares for Michael and is incredibly sad about what he turned into and wishes he could be different (once she remembers who he is). That’s established canon, not a choice of mine. In Halloween 2, she tries to talk him down before shooting him, and he hesitates when she says his name and lowers his weapon for a moment. In H20, she talks about him a lot & even asks her boyfriend (a psychologist) if he thinks something so traumatic can happen to someone that they can never recover, bc even though she hasn’t seen him in 20 years, he’s still on her heart. She hesitates to kill him once she has him helpless in the finale, and when he reaches out for her hand, she almost cries and starts to reach back because it’s what she has truly wanted for so long. 2: Michael & Laurie are siblings, and that’s a very important relationship to me. Obviously, there’s lines where you cross, it’s fkn over, but it is special, and I’m weak for it. They were both cheated of the good family life they could have had, and I like characters I care for getting recovery and rehabilitation, and I would like them to be able to recover and have whatever fragments of the lives they wanted which are still possible. And then 3: Laurie is his victim, but they’re also both victims of Loomis, and the system, and her parents, and if she does /wish/ for him to be okay and things to be like they were, which was canon before me, so she does, then I think them finding happiness and her relief and new hope in regained family and him redemption and rehabilitation through the quite literally only person he has /ever/ known who treated him well or like even a human at all & is still living, that’s so good. It’s sweet, and it makes sense. I like broken people putting the pieces together and finding ways to be okay. None of the shit that happened to either of them was okay, and Michael sure did fucking do it, but it’s about as “it’s complicated” as literally possible, and Laurie wants him to be her brother again, and Michael deserves a chance to experience personhood enough to want anything like that again too, and I think it’s sweet. To be able to find happiness and peace and a new life in that rubble. It shouldn’t be possible, because Halloween is a tragedy that never gets a happy ending, no matter how many timelines they create or versions they tell, but I wish it could have one. It needs one. At least one, among all the fated tragedies for those two cruelly cursed siblings. They both had their lives stolen. Michael by Loomis, and Laurie by Michael. And I want them to find those stolen lives again. And if they can do it together, that’s a very odd and unusual set of circumstances for that kind of thing, but it’s a very complete way to tell the story. He tried to kill her, but if she asked him to stop and he stopped, if he himself chose to change on his own, when it really, really mattered—decided that it was what he wanted more than all the things he was before, and she decided that was enough, and they could both have a future as family? I like that. It’s a happy ending stolen back.

Long Frank Answer, in case you /have/ read ILM & thus short answer did not answer your question: So. Again, for me, I always talk about Frank as in the version of him I myself write, and I wrote ILM before the archives retcon, and also just ignore them because they’re usually dumb and blatantly contradict well established and longstanding canon. Even then, I usually don’t like Frank though—didn’t like him when I started writing ILM. But Frank has very little established canon character. All there is for sure is he was a foster kid that went through some bad stuff, he met Julie and changed his mind about desperately trying to be homed somewhere other than with Clive bc he liked Julie a lot, he met Susie and Joey, they became a gang chilling in Ormond’s abandoned lodge, then tried to rob a store Joey was fired from, were surprised by a cleaner who grabbed Julie, and Frank impulse stabbed him, freaked, and ordered the others to finish it with him and be in it together. Then before they’d even really finished burying the body, they got snagged. That leaves a whole lot of personality and thoughts and motivations and future choices and person wildly undetermined. Writing, sometimes characters just do their own thing completely out of my control, and I have to adapt. Frank chose not to kill Meg at the end of Tenacity, Adrenaline, & Grit, which surprised me, because he’d been nothing but a dipshit asshole bastard till one minute ago, but I knew it was because he recognized what she’d tried to do at great pain to herself because she wouldn’t bow down and die, and he connected/empathized or sympathized on some level. He also couldn’t go through with killing Quentin immediately after being helped by him in Distortion/Iron Maiden. Neither was like, planned. It’s just who the character was. I was frustrated. I did not want to like or feel sympathy for Frank at all. Then in The Lost, Jeff just fkn hijacked the whole plot and added 20 pages not in the outline because he wanted to be kind to Frank & it’s not like I can stop characters when they do whatever they do. And while writing it, I got to know that the version of Frank Morrison in the world I was writing—which is always the version I refer to/think of him as & write now myself—was not somebody past saving. He’s a piece of shit and he’s done fucked up and inexcusable stuff, and he pays for it. In many ways, Frank gets away with a lot over the course of ILM, but it’s always because characters choose on their own to forgive him, not because they or he doesn’t think it was fucked. And Frank suffers—a lot—for his choices, and has to live through appropriate and large amounts of regret and remorse about stuff he did before the end. He gets the chance to make better choices several times, and mostly he doesn’t. He continues to fuck up. But right near the end, he makes a couple good decisions when it’s down to the wire, sees where his bad choices got him and what he has to live with, and then he does live with it. He almost dies, and then ends up falling on Jeff’s mercy, which he knows he doesn’t deserve and doesn’t expect to get, for a last chance to make it, and because Jeff is an ungodly kind and forgiving soul, he makes it.

Frank isn’t a good person, and he does a lot of stuff that isn’t remotely okay or justified or excused, but he /is/ a kid—the upper end of it, but he’s not a full grown adult. He has every reason to believe nothing of himself or others, a fucked up childhood and life which isn’t his fault, and the Entity got all four Legion kids before they’d even had time to process the one and only violent crime they did (which was unplanned), and it is historically running a PHD in psychological warfare vs everyone. Absolutely none of that excuses or justifies him, but it is an explanation for some of it that is not as bad as say, doing that shit for fun or cruelty or hate or what have you, which makes him a bad person, but one with a lot more humanity left than say, Kenneth. Who is at -100 or something. If he’s still got a lot of humanity left, that means he could be redeemed, and he eventually chooses that path for himself and hits the appropriate “I did something horrible. Fuck. It was really bad. I should not have done it.” “I am really sorry I did this. I feel awful. I’m sorry.” “I cant change it, but I can try to do better and make whatever reparations I can.” “I want to be better, and I am going to try.” necessary stages of actually trying to improve. So, I like him. He did a lot of really awful shit that wasn’t okay, but he was never without sympathetic elements. He does love his friends and his girlfriend, he is a good boyfriend to Julie and selfless towards her and his crew (overall anyway—has even risked death for them very willingly, even the one who was fighting with/kinda hated him), will keep his word in deals and has some semblance of both sympathy and honor, feels guilt, is a kid, did not choose this life but was rather catapulted into it and too weak to climb out once he landed in the mud. All of that together makes him someone I feel sympathy towards and find quite redeemable, so long as he will decide he wants that, which, in ILM, he does. If you just meant Frank in general then idk how to answer because there’s not much established Frank period it’s kinda a shell like all original dead by daylight characters, and I have no thoughts on it by itself because it’s not a whole person, and so I really only think of Frank as ILM verse Frank now.

[shoujoaccent]

can you share your thoughts on kuro and iwanaga pls 🥺

ok first, i love them, so jot that down lmao i’m just going to be rambling w/ the information i have today!! which is ep7 of the anime & vol.10 of the manga!!

the first thing i want to touch on is this recent idea that kuro is with iwanaga by force, or her persistence, or not having romantic feelings for her... and even though i can see why people have that conclusion, i feel like a big factor to that ideal has been from 1) their romance has been subtext because of the genre and the fact that their relationship is established, and 2) the fact that kuro’s character, especially in the anime, is flat and often misconstrued... when he both has valid reasons for his characterization and has proven that he genuinely cares for her, her well-being, and their relationship. 

again!! i must repeat!! they are together in an established romantic relationship. this is not a budding romance, so we’re not going to get a lot of moments of them realizing their feelings/etc. he may have moments where he’s not prioritizing her, but he always makes up for it, and shows that he goes out of his way to make her happy. yes, he teases her relentlessly, and yes, he says he’s going to break up with her..... but literally all of his actions indicates his care.

also, the second thing i want to touch upon is that kuro and kotoko’s relationship is complicated because individually, they are complicated themselves. kuro’s lack of attachment can be explained away with the abuse of his grandmother, his strange relationship with rikka, and the fact that he’s immortal (like, why is he going to get legally married when he’ll never have a death certificate?). kotoko flirts, sure, but she’s distant herself. she’s shown that she has no hesitation of bending ethics to uphold the natural order, and that her job will always become before everything, even her health. before kuro, she’s described to being to herself and rare to any emotional outburst. nonetheless, she’s still a rich, protected daughter that was found dismembered... like she has her own rich backstory that doesn’t go away just bc she talks about being horny 24/7 lol

ok more things under the cut bc of spoilers and i cant be vague anymore:

THIRD THING!! another thing that gets brought about kuro’s feelings and it’s the fact that he has feelings for his cousin and saki still. therefore, his relationship with kotoko is strictly platonic... but that’s... that’s just not the case. i need to break this down into parts bc WHEW I HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS

FIRST, if kuro has feelings for rikka, then there should have been no problem for them to be together. in the recent volume (10), she literally states that he was supposed to be hers... but what eventually ended up happening is the fact that kuro did get closer with kotoko. 

and see, the thing with that is..... if kuro has had nothing but feelings for rikka, then his relationship with saki wouldn’t have happened in the first place either. not to sound pro-inc*st, but they are immortal beings and the last of their family line. there’s literally nothing stopping them besides kuro not wanting to pursue a romantic relationship with rikka... and he didn’t. he got engaged to saki instead.

kuro has also stated that rikka was only in the hospital because she wanted to be mortal again, aka she wanted to die... but why? there’s events that we’re missing and won’t get to see into later down the line. regardless, it’s safe to say that kuro loves rikka to his full capacity as family and as someone who shared his same horrid past, but he doesn’t love her more than that. (he also said she was a monster beforehand anyway so.... idk, maybe that has something to do with that LOL.)

but that also brings us to the next thing: why saki?

it’s been clear that he dates saki because she looked like rikka. they were together to the point of engagement and talks of marriage, but nothing came into fruition bc he’s an immortal that scares off spectres.

but thats the thing too, their relationship would’ve never worked bc 1) he was always hiding the fact on who he was, and 2) again, he is immortal. maybe she was his attempt to be normal, but kuro’s very aware of his situation at all times. i don’t doubt he loved saki, but a lot of his residual feelings from the lady steel arc indicate guilt rather than lingering feelings.

and of course, he feels freaking guilty!!! he lied to her about his condition, and then scared her to the point where she couldn’t even eat certain meats. that’s a heavy burden to be at fault for. (luckily, they do resolve this and apologize to each other!! but that’s the thing too: be the end of lady steel, they aren’t letting go of their feelings. they’ve been aware that their relationship was over for a long time and that they both moved on. there were just some leftover wounds.)

AND AHHH!!!! i think its also to point out the fact that rikka approved saki (aka her clone), but she never approved kotoko. rikka said that she thought she could wait for kuro to get tired of kotoko, but he never did. that’s why kotoko became a bigger threat than she already was. not only was she an indicator that kuro wasn’t looking for rikka in people, but because his feelings for kotoko are genuine. it drives rikka to the point of insanity bc she literally is trying to create something to kill a god.

so to summarize: kuro loves rikka, but only as family. kuro dates saki bc she reminded him of rikka (aka probably the only he did know in his fucked up childhood), but it doesn’t work out bc he’s immortal anyway. kuro dates and ends up having actual feelings for kotoko, which brings us to the present and why rikka feels threatened to the point of violence.

GOT IT!!!

also, since we’re nearing the end, there’s something also interesting about kuro and kotoko’s relationship that i’ve thought about since their christmas chapter. kuro is a broke college student. kotoko is an heiress. they’re constantly going on trips and dates, but for the most part, kuro is going out of his way to treat kotoko. he’s thankful for her parents for taking in rikka, but there’s not a plot about him being indebted to her/etc... and i’ve been thinking about this since the christmas chapter bc he chose to work at his part-time job than spend it with her. at first, it’s easy to be upset about it...... but again, kuro’s a broke college student. of course, he needs to work a lot. he not only has school, bills, and groceries, but he’s trying to accommodate kotoko to a lifestyle where she’s happiest in (like a goOD BOYFRIEND) and it makes me wanna cry ok

in conclusion, i just think it’s dumb to act like these two aren’t together or that they don’t have feelings for each other. it’s there. in fact, it’s probably the only constant/consistent thing in a story with a lot of moving parts. they both lead incredibly complicated lives, but they’re there for each other.

i won’t lie, kuro talks a lot of shit lmao, but i don’t get how that’s different from kotoko being overly sexual/vulgar when she doesn’t mean it either. kuro literally told her that he needs her and her response was telling him to not think he’s hot shit lololol. i get also bc kotoko’s overtly sexual (and lbr, attracts a lot of lolicons), so if she’s not being praised/not being treated like a princess by kuro, then that makes him a worse boyfriend... but he doesn’t treat her poorly. hell, that pinocchio proved that she really takes for granted that he dies a lot of her sometimes to the point with other spectres (aka the things that want to see kuro die LOL) think she (aka their god that they praise 24/7) is harsh.

but that’s what being in a relationship too is. you’re not going to appreciate someone at all hours of the day, but the point is, you have to be constantly taking care of each other, even when you don’t want to. kuro and kotoko are constantly taking care of each other, and thinking of each other’s well-being first and foremost. they might bicker, but that’s a fact that’s always acknowledged by everyone around them, despite initial opinions.

and tbh, i feel like kuro also feels a lot of guilt for rikka. maybe not for returning her feelings, but because his happiness with another person (kotoko) was the catalyst of her running away and causing havoc. i think that adds another layer to his distance with kotoko, but it doesn’t mean he has feelings for her romantically. what i really appreciate about the story is the fact that as simple as things are presented, there’s always a complex reason/backstory for it. there’s never a single moving part for anything. there’s plenty of motives and reasons.

[masonxantonini]

case  file     ;  Mason Fortune Antonelli

nicknames     ;  Mase

associations    ;  The erinyes, the bookkeeper

occupation    ;  Assistant at Antonini’s

birthdate    ;  31 years old

hometown    ;  Sunset Port

current  location     ;  Downtown

pronouns     ; he/him

mirror image     ; sebastian stan

IN CHARACTER INTERVIEW

the record stops, the player tape states, and the radio static is replaced with voices ;

 — And our dear listeners are eager to know, how long have you been in Sunset Port? — Most importantly, why do you stay?

I grew up here, so apart from a few European travels, I’ve been here all my life. You know that is a good question. I guess it has to do with being in a familiar place, one I know well and can exploit as I se fit. The city is my home but its also my playground. I don’t see myself leaving anytime soon.

 Of course! We can all identify with the sentiment. Well, at least some of us. [LAUGHTER] What do you do in Sunset Port?

I work with my cousin. Her business is thriving and our family is big on us working together. Being an Antonini means you’ll never really have much space from your family, which I guess some people envy. Its fine, thats just how it works.

 Admirable! Now, I'd have left this question last to finish with a bang, but our listener is impatient, oh my! Have you heard of our little organization?  

Yes I have. Who hasn’t right? They have their hands in lots of things that happen in this city.

 Oh my! — And if Isabella Castello came knocking at your door, what would you do?  

I’d offer her a drink and ask if she wanted some help? She’s a family friend, and I help my friends out.

 Interesting. Well, I think I've kept you here long enough! Thank you for speaking with our public! Which song would you like me to play for you, now?

Can’t Feel My Face by The Weeknd please.

BIOGRAPHY

trigger warnings: domestic abuse, psychological abuse, child abuse, death, drugs, drug abuse, guns

The waves were crashing on Maltan soil the night Mason was born. Three weeks early, during what was planned to be his parents last hurrah trip before their baby boy were to have them stranded in Sunset Port for at least a week or so. How many times Mase have heard how he ruined that trip, he can no longer count. And while his mother never faulted him for the pain of birthing him in an ambulance in a foreign country, his father could never seem to get over the fact. Then again his father seemed to have a lot of reasons to fault him, from the day he was born. As an only child, and only boy, Mason was always under the watchful eye of someone in his fathers employ. Whether it be the nanny, the butler, the head of security or a bought off teacher. No matter where he went, he could be sure that his actions, answers and manners were reported back to the man who had helped birth him into this world. Until Mason was six, he lived what he’ll recall as a fairly upscale yet regular life for someone born into wealth and privilege. His mother, a french working class girl, was affectionate and quiet, possibly to make up for his father being cold and temperamental. Feelings were to be repressed, showing emotion was to show weakness, unless it was anger to frighten others into submission. Which was mostly how his parents marriage seemed to work. His mother was skittish and often seemed scared of his father, pledging obedience and silence to evade evoking his anger. Mason too learned to keep his mouth shut as a young boy, lest he slipped up and received a beating or at worst, whipping by his fathers hand. The sight of leather belts still makes his stomach tighten.

Shortly after Mason’s sixth birthday, the fighting between his parents seemed to escalate. His mom suddenly had visible bruises instead of hidden ones, and she was holed up in her atelier much more often, the sound of whimpers and sobs breaking the eerie silence in the large mansion. Mase asked countless of times, in hushed tones when they were alone what was going on. Why was his mom so sad? Why had daddy been hitting her again? He never got any spoken answers though. Instead, he was hauled from school one morning by his nanny who tearfully told him his mother had died in an awful plane crash, and his father wanted to speak with him. The words weren’t direct or clear then either, but as he got old enough to piece the puzzle together, it was obvious what had happened. His mom had tried to leave. His father had lost his temper and ensured that instead of allowing her to escape their marriage and bring him public shame, she was better off dead. A widower inspires sympathy. A divorcee raises questions and comes with implications of imperfection.

Now being under his father sole care, Mason found it near impossible not to anger the man. He was grieving, then he was rebelling. His whole life was planned out for him of course. Boarding school, then college, later joining the family business. All of it sounded like a slow death to Mason. The older he got, the less interested he became in following the path set for him. So he failed classes on purpose. Pulled pranks, hooked up with teachers or girls that were off limits. Heck he even paraded a boyfriend around for a while. All to get expelled, disliked, seen as the opposite to what his father wanted him to be. A perfectly mannered, highly intelligent, well respected Antonini. From an early age he’d been scrutinized, told off and chided for the smallest mistake. Taught that he never could get anything right. And now he was simply proving that to his entire family. Becoming the black sheep they’d always hinted at him being. And when the constant fighting and reprimanding got to be enough for him, Mason enlisted in the Army, desperate to get away from it all. Which to be fair, might not have been a well thought out decision. At first it wasn’t so bad. He could blend in with the other new recruits at first. But then the actual fighting came, as he was stationed right on the Iranian border. The things he saw, felt and had to do still haunts him, so much so that when he did return after two years of service, Mason went right from being a decorated soldier, to hunting down the strongest drug he could find to suppress his experiences. Heroin.

No matter how many rehabs or threats his family has come up with, Mason hasn’t kicked what he refers to as a 'habit'. By now its a full blown drug addiction, one that has nearly cost him his life not once, not twice, but three times. Pushing hard to get him straightened out, his family has arranged for him to marry. Mason finds the idea ridiculous and is per his usual standards planning to do anything he can to get out of it, just like he got out of going to Business school. Its just another attempt at dictating his life and he’s not in the least interested. Instead he’s rather fixated on how to get his next fix in between what he thinks of as a rather dull work day keeping the books and taking bets for the Erinyes at Purgatory. At first he was a little new to the task, but because the Antonini’s trust family above those who are not bloods, he was given some time to settle into his new role. Now he comes to work with ease, glad that it has a fairly set routine and that it gives him room to party either after the fight of the night is done, or sometimes the days when theres nothing scheduled for the evening. He doesn’t like to admit it, but being tucked away in an office, able to control just how much of the action he sees and who he meets with on a daily basis makes life just a little more manageable.

[dahniwitchoflight]

so bout that samurai jack episode

so I really like samurai jack, always have always will

which makes me feel the need to make a bit of a post on my perspective on what happened in the recent episode with Jack and Ashi becoming a couple

I really didnt expect peoples reactions to be as extreme as they were, but I also entirely understand all the arguments that would make people want to reject this ship so harshly

but given that, I don’t think the creators of the show handled things as undelicately as everyone seems to think, and this coming from a person who has a pretty similar life and “origin story” if you will as Ashi AND Jack (minus the obvious impossibilities like time travel :P but growing up in abusive isolated cult home? check. constant hyper vigilance and feeling disconnected altogether from a sense of time? check. nightmares and ptsd symptoms in general all around? check. I’m just saying, I connect to both characters here lol)

first issue people have is major and that’s the physical age gap between the two, with some people even going so far as to say its basically pedophilia, which I really don’t agree with

but given cues in the show, we know Ashi is at least an adult. Her mother lets her and her sisters go after they are fully trained adult members of the cult. Jack never sees her as anything except a murderous fully trained adult assassin out for his blood and the reveal that shes been entirely naked throughout this whole show because that black suit was actually her scarred and charred black skin?

the only other option is then the difference in experience between the two making people uncomfy, which I can understand, but the thing is, by the time that they actually become a couple, theyve gotten on equal footing.

ashi grew up isolated in a death cult that gave her no other option except to kill or be killed by the samurai. Even when she already showed inclinations of being a good and caring character to her mother’s irritation.

throughout the show, contrary to what you might think, Ashi got all of her character development on her own, while Jack was not around

Jack didn’t train her or teach her anything, Jack merely told her about the possibility of aku being evil, and then when Jack disappeared, sure her motivation to move around the world was to seek out Jack and get him to prove it to her, but unintentionally along the way she met new people, new perspectives, new ideas, saw the beauty of the world all on her own and gained those experiences and came to her own conclusions, without Jack.

the only problem with any of this was the pacing for the whole show feels too quick, so the idea that ashi gained all that experience once freed from her mother and traveled around for a bit feels too quick to really happen, but this is more a fault of the shows pacing then the shows story

its not that the plot points themselves are wrong, its just how fast they knocking them off can make it seem rushed or not real

the basic story of Ashi is:

A child with a pure heart grows up in an assassin cult and given a narrow worldview. As an adult, she fulfills her training and is then sent off to kill her target the samurai under the guidance of her god figure Aku. She fails to kill the samurai, and the samurai instead explains his absurd position that he is good and aku is evil. She at first mocks him, but as she has always been as a child, is curious, and truly wants good, so she wants confirmation of his views, wants solid proof. Jack doesnt give it to her and then leaves, forcing her to explore the world on her own and judge it with her own eyes (even though in her head she is seeking out the samurai for his answers and proof). She does this, experioences the world on her own and understands Aku’s evilness and believes in Jack’s goodness, so that by the time she actually finds the Samurai to get his answers, she already has her own. They’ve become on equal footing.

and that feels quick sure, but the important part is that its not impossible. It can be hard for abused children to accept outside narratives than the one they grew up in, the struggle is real believe me, so seeing it happen this way to Ashi can feel unrealistic to those that it hasn’t happened to. But its not impossible for it to happen this way, at all. It’s very similar to what happened with me, i also just happened to find a certain special person, just a friend from highschool, who by happenstance was the one to first help me shatter my illusions about my family, and that quickstarted my “character arc” if you will and I went from being in full brainwashed state to moving out and living my own life in a matter of couple months (not to say ive been fully healed in that time though, and neither has Ashi shown this either, as she still experiences the horror of that situation when she thinks of it as well)

and then theres how how all this looks from Jack’s point of view

Which is Jack has never seen her as some inexperienced child that needed guidance or a father, nor has he really ever held a position higher than hers mentally/psychologically from the start

he has only seen her as an assassin out for his blood who is wrongfully thinking that aku is good when he is evil

that is not “Ashi is ignorant I Must Teach her” thats “This person misunderstands greatly, they were taught wrong”

If Ashi was the sweet little know nothing ingenue that Jack had to raise/train, then Ashi would be all “Who’s Aku? What’s Evil? What’s Good?” she would literally Know Nothing at all except what Jack taught her, instead she consistently has her own ideas of the world, and changes those ideas on her own, she doesn’t just adopt samurai Jack’s worldview because he told her too. She gets her own worldview, which is subtly different than Jack’s even if they are aligned together

So we can agree Ashi is traumatized, and is mentally affected by this, despite showing realistic yet rushed growth that puts her more on par with Samurai Jack yes?

now the other side of the coin

Jack is ALSO traumatized by the life he’s lived in very similar ways to Ashi

both have been constantly forced by circumstance to survive under the threat of death, Angry Jack is literally Trauma Induced Hypervigilance personified. Ashi constantly hounded with “Are You Weak? Do You Deserve To Die?” with no person to offer either of them comfort or care. Both have been forced to fight against evil constantly, with the idea that they MUST win over evil or they will not only die, but deserve to die. Jack is a Samurai who has sworn to his family that he will fix everything and get Aku, and his guilt over feeling like he’s not able to haunts him with the faces of the dead he feels responsible for to the point where he was driven to honor bound suicide. Ashi was given one option in life, kill the samurai or die trying, and if you die you die in failure in shame, her life had no value except in if she could kill Jack. 

so its like, yes Ashi has been through some stuff, which compared to a normal psychologically healthy person, could put her at a disadvantage or set her up to be used and abused/continue the cycle etc

but Jack is nowhere near a psychologically healthy person either, he’s in the same position as her from the start

and both of them get “out of” their trauma in seemingly unrealistic ways, in fact I’d say Jack literally just sitting down and meditating Angry Jack out of his soul for a day is more unrealistic than Ashi going out and living the life she never could and experiencing full blast all of the world’s goodness on her own for the what, 2 or 3 weeks that she did before finding Jack

basically my point is by the time they kiss on the show, they are both adults, and have no reason to believe the other is not just a normal adult, they’ve been through the same trauma’s, been on the same unstable mental footing, continue to deal with the feelings of terror while aligning themselves to the same goal of “get aku” theyve traveled together, understood their differences and now understood perhaps theyre similarities, felt a connection and kissed

and really, Ashi deserves the love that Jack could bring her as much as Jack deserves the love Ashi can bring him

nothing about their situation feels unequal in any regard to me, except for the literal fact that Ashi is 20 to Jack’s unnatural 70

we see the difference as the audience, but Jack sees a normal 20 year old woman his equal, who can sympathize with his life experiences, and Ashi sees a normal 20 year old man her equal, who needed a shave, who can sympathize with her life experiences

all in all, it doesn’t feel like a disservice to either of their character’s, it feels like two traumatized people happened to find themselves on the same boat for once, and discovered that hey, maybe another living human does and can understand what I’ve been through, maybe I can make a connection to another person

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

Sometimes my brother stays in the house all night. And annoys my kid.

But after tonight i see why.

He had to register his hands as militant weapons. He said militant. lol.

He was in karate all through elementary minus some years and some high school.

He knocked me out with two fingers once then started crying cause he thought I was dead. My mom didn't care. She told him good job.

My little brother paralyzed my arm once by jabbing it. That shit hurt. It was temporary but my arm was sore for days.

So obviously neither are afraid. They have skills,i always believed out powered my own.

I woke my brother up to open a jar but he couldn't either so soon after he went to his home. He said for some,reason no one was outside.

He knows Jesse i know he does cause we used to work the same gas station. Jesse and Stewie are the same but I call him stewie after the Family Guy baby cause he always tries to kill his mom.

He went to ministry school for college and has all kinds of degrees in philosophy and church and all that.

Anyways stewie got a job with my brother at nights and my brother got him fired.

I got him banned but our boss was a bitch thinking about her pussy.

Anyways. So he gets those feels when,there is dumb asses thinking they got a brain.

Me and my kid do too but its different. We don't live by them.

Usually she comes out for a little while with me but she said tonihht she had a feeling she djdnt want,to.

But I know at home,she gets them. Because one of us will sleep,at different times and one of us is always awake.

Thats whn i knpw some type monster you wish only lived under beds has been outside,

I dont say anything. But I think we both know.

.....

I went out again, this time with the light off and smoked. 4th cigar later and my sinus feel great!!

....

I could hear joints pop. Starchy grass being stepped on. And a chain.

I could feel a vehicle's presence. One with people in it.

.....

I heard the truck start drive slowly up,the north mesa. I could hear for so long i knew they were stopped.

...

Random dogs had barked. First in the yard then one 3 acres away. Then in the yard again.

I listened to how many birds chirped and how.

....

I knew someone was there when i moved my foot there was another sound... When you concentrate on doing something and you focus on it... I didn't hear the sound until i had already focused to move..its a random thing but always valid. If i move my foot someone else is moving theirs.

Its a constant.

......

I said shhh to the dogs. I whispered a loud hey that echoed to the weakling that couldn't stand still on the other side of the fence.

No one appropriately responded.

.....

I heard the there's a mother fucker there bark.

....

So i went in and as soon as I did that coward ass took off running to his waiting truck.

.....

I unfortunately can feel people's emotions. So i felt him being terrified. I also felt his chest heaving after running when i went in.

I feel his backward heart hurt the last two nights.

.....

#fbi he wants to kill me but he doesn't know how. Hes wanted to for 20 years after he believed jesse James killed my kids. That's why other people call him Jesse. Ive admitted to be fuddled about certsin things and barely have a glimpse of things. He had me,take an abundance of pills once to over dose. Right after the babies were murdered by their grandpa.

And hes tried to kill me and Annie multiple times.

The only person he has a right to kill is himself or anyone that is trying to kill him -- except when he decided to kill them first. Like me. Because I will kill him.

But if someone like wanted to mug him and had a gun then its okay to defend yourself as best as you can. The goal being to get them away from you and disarmed if possible. But not always death is the answer dependin on who it is.

.....

And since he collaborates with Denise, she focuses him on killing me. So he has a right to kill her to shut her up. Becsuse this is an extreme 20 plus year issue. Its not an issue for every one. Its not always the answer.

But in this case it is.

......

Stewart often has someone drop him off where i am,then he walks where I can see him. Then he has them pick him up.

Lately I've honked at him and given him the bird. Just so he knows i see him and i still hate him and i will kill him.

Denise was driving today so i couldn't but i yelled my hate at him,anyways.

.....

Weird was when i got,to the gas station there was a black girl in the back seat of a red SUV with huge eyes like she was a victim of human trafficking. But I always see cops there. And all the Windows were down. IDK why people look like that. Last,time they were worrief about my tire. Windows were down some,dude was outside smoking. She could had screamed. She seemed to be the only one there,

Just a random thing.

------

I was really worried about him going through the,gate. Because they wantef me to sit where I was safe and could see through the fence. But i was super close to the gate and i could hear him within the outer fence. Theres like 4 fences and shit... So he was within the half yard where I was but outside of,the porch fence.

So trespassing. New Mexico law is i can fight back with an equal or lesser weapon. Since he uses needles... And I'm handicapped. I can use a broom, chair, table. Pretty much anything i want but a gun. I could use a knife cause they're close to needles. He uses insulin so a big butcher knife.. Since I'm diabetic ... Insulin won't bother me much but he does use extremely high doses which would cause me to pass out. So then i would be able to equalize that with a stun gun which i have, pepper spray which i have. And blood loss from a butcher knife will cause him to pass out.

Now here I'm not suppose to equalize his crime and kidnap him.

But since I know he wants to kill me, has kidnapped me, etc....

They asked me what i would say if he ends up missing.

I don't care. That was my answer. I don't fucking care. Ive been complaining about him for years.

He tried to kill me and my daughter Annie. Hes constantly harassing us. He follows us. There's records.

If i go through the trouble of disposing him. Dude. They already fucking know where he is. They fucking watch me. They can push rewind on the dam satellite,

So seriously. I go through the trouble of disposing him myself or with my family don't fucking say shit but thank you snd pay me a reward.

Call me,crazy but im fucking telling you. So PREVENT IT.

Or don't bother arresting me or asking where is currently 50 extra pound ass is.

Lets not play dumb, here. Get someone smarter than you if you don't understand, #FBI

Self defense. Hes a threat and has been. Hrs fucking crazier than me,

We all know i can go sociopath, psychopath, serial killer. I can do them all all day any day.

Yes he is crazier than me because he can't go sane.

And despite me sounding crazy. I am actually sane.

......

So. He is terrified of me. He asked me about a year ago to let him help me load my groceries on the black tread at the store. He was shaking like a leaf. I was PISSED because he came up behind me and squeezed next to me,to,get in front of me.

They're all he doesn't have his black bag!!!!! He wears a fanny pack to carry his insulin.

THATS WHAT I DONT GET.

hes scared yet he wants to kill me????

What the Hell. Stay away from me.

Then he will sit where he knows i should be able to see him and he eats candy and smiles all big showing his teeth like he just ate out some ones ass..

Telling me hes gonna have to have his needles out soon.

........

But they tell me he doesnt have his bag.

.....

He will and has tucked them under his dick on his nut sack. And pulled it out in front of me and my child.

.......

I will fucking kill him before he can get his stupid hands in his pants,

I do not fucking care.

Hes lucky i don't have a gun. Because h3 would already be dead.

That's why i don't have a gun.

I almost got one a few years ago.....

But i don't want to go to jail. So if he is close enough for me,to,touch on private property not belonging to him.

Hes a dead man.

........

Anyways so i was concerned for him to go thru the gate because I wasn't feeling the kill rage. So i felt like i wasn't ready so i was weary.

And i kept on although everything else was telling me,he wasn't but to my right,

So my left ear started buzzing like crazy and i was all fucking shut up i can't hear..

But duh. I didn't need to listen at the gate.

So god was there talking to me. Telling me he was there and ready to help me as i need.

To help me as i need.

Once i got the understanding then the buzzing quit.

And I knew to focus my ears to my right.

....

I wasn't alone and,had a lot of support and understanding from a legend. She was really awesome in being curious and understanding. It was pretty awesome. She has a clear and strong voice. I bet she will be a guardian angel one day and i know she will be awesome at it. I was starting to wonder if she was dead because she was so good.

She's not but yeah i was like whoa. I could trust her. Its unusual.

Just because she was awesome doesn't mean she's near death, its just an Earth skill.

I trust the dead most because they can go anywhere even under water.

And i felt i could trust her just as much as a spirit sent from Heaven.

.....

I can hear stewart again.

......

[col22promo]

Draco Pavlovic | Twenty Six;  Survivor

House: Torren Security Class: 3 Status: Infected - Telekinesis

History

Born in Croatia, but calling no place home as his parents were among the frivolous spenders and ‘least likely to’s to settle down, Draco had an unconventional raising to say the least. It wasn’t that his parents did not care for their son; oh, quite the contrary, they adored him. But they adored him in the way of the shallow and the self-absorbed. They fawned over his beauty and his natural intellect but didn’t bother themselves with concerns such as school or stability.

Draco’s constant tumbling around as a child, in and out of schools, country to country, apartment to beach house, (depending on what their drug market money could afford them at the time,) wasn’t something his parents ever worried about. They were far more preoccupied with introducing him to the people they socialized with and having him hear stories of their reckless adventure.

They praised him constantly, but they praised him not on the things a parent should—on ambition, on drive, on diligence and accomplishment—but rather on things that were superficial and sometimes even immoral. He was rewarded for tricking his teachers into giving him extensions, encouraged to find ways to cheat the system or to take from others what he ‘deserved’ in life, not what he earned. It was the way his parent’s lived their lives and it was the way they believed Draco should too.

By the time Draco was well into his teenage years, he was used to getting everything he wanted. His looks and charm got him everywhere, and like his parents who made their fluctuating fortunes off drugs and low life criminal activity, he did not know what it meant to truly work for a living, nor to earn his keep in ways of the acceptably civilized. Everything he owned and everything he obtained, he came into possession of through manipulation, cruelty, or illegal activity. Because he’d learned long ago that the greatest accomplishment was one you could achieve by never having to take the long or high road. His life was a game of shortcuts and loop holes.

He became unbearably narcissistic—to others, though not so much to his parents because they were too self involved to really notice one way or another—and his sense of entitlement made him a difficult person to get along with. But worse than that, he was cruel. Draco, whether because of the environment of his childhood or something innate within him no one is precisely sure, but the only child of this Pavlovic family was often callous, vicious and degrading, and it he was on British soil for his fourth arrest; Another change for assault and drug trafficking, and he likely would have faced more serious consequences this time, had it not been for the end of the world.

Draco Today

Draco today is not so different from the Draco before the End. He’s seen more death, been exposed to more cruelty, so some might think that would have made him worse, or perhaps even better, due to personal loss and trauma.

But it’s difficult to say because Draco in a lot of ways, seems more or less unchanged. That, or he’s just exceptionally good at keeping anything that’s more indicative or something wounded and real, under wraps. He’s more vindictive and manipulative than he is violent, in terms of outside the gaming rink, anyway, but the security keep close tabs on him anyway, as he’s been known to get into fights or purposely stir up shit for the sake of his ego. He has the potential to be dangerous, certainly, but more often than not he’s just irritatingly high on himself, and he grows impatient and frustrated if the attention is off of him too long. He is also exceptionally competitive with anyone else who’s confident, outgoing, or attractive, especially the males, seeing them as threats for focus.

He was a member of Colony 4 just long enough to see the overthrow of the NWRF and develop heated opinions about it. Already believing himself to be a cut above the rest, it took him no time to become a raging radical, with no power to do anything about it. He was already on the transfer list before the New Wave, but he’d landed himself in ISO a couple times while he was still up there, for misconduct and disorderly behavior on his agenda to get himself a group of followers. He’d become Draco the fucking prophet. 

fortunately for him, Colony 22 was a chance for him to take his same mission, and go about it a different way. With the stealth, patience and charm that comes to him naturally, and always has. With him he brought a list of contacts and connections that will hopefully help him form a stronghold within the walls of the Colony of Belvedere Island, and he’s on a mission to overthrow the Elite, and be the first Colony run by Radicals. In his eyes, the time has come, and his time is now. 

A recent arrival, he’s still getting his footing, not to mention sizing up his competition and potential allies. He’s quick to strike up a conversation, but even quicker to abandon it if he can’t get it to remain on the topic of himself or his motives. So far, his luck with the other citizens is a bit of a mixed result; having tons of experience socializing and schmoozing, he has an element of charm, which can at times attract people to him, but he can also turn people off rather quickly, if they’re sensitive or distasteful to his narcissism and condescending ways.

HOME | PLOT | SURVIVORS | INFECTIONS | 2157 was the end of the world.

[viralhottopics]

The Invisible Way Guns Keep Women In Abusive Relationships

Nicole Beverly, a clinical social worker living in Ypsilanti, Michigan, hadnt given her husbands gun much thought until the night he pressed it against her head.

It was 2009. Before that, her husband, a former police officer, had never threatened her with his firearm. It sat in a box in their bedroom closet, almost forgotten. Over the years, she said, he had abused her in other ways: Calling her names, shoving her to the ground, throwing objects in her direction. But the gun never made an appearance.

Once it did, everything changed. From then on Beverly, then 36, couldnt stop thinking about the weapon, she said. She was acutely aware of its exact location in the house at any given time, in terror of when it might be brandished next.

But he didnt have to take it out again.He only needed to mention it and Beverly would shrink. He frequently threatened to kill her, she said, telling her he knew exactly where to shoot to paralyze her. He told her he would disfigure her face, she said, and that she would never see it coming.

It took five months after the incident for her to gather the courage to leave. And when she did she took the gun.

I didnt feel safe leaving the relationship knowing he had it in his possession because he was threatening me with it on a regular basis, Beverly told The Huffington Post by phone on Wednesday. Once it was introduced into the equation, it became a tool of intimidation and fear.

While the gun in her home was never used to injure her in a way that was physically observable, living in constant fear took a steep toll on her mental health and made it far more difficult for her to leave.

Beverly represents countless women whove found themselves in similar positions where a firearm becomes a symbolic weapon of mass destruction in their relationships even when the trigger is never pulled.

A new study published in the Journal of Womens Health by Susan B. Sorenson, a researcher at the University of Pennsylvania, is now shedding light on the psychological impact of gun use in abusive relationships.

Working with the police department in Philadelphia, Sorenson examined 35,000 domestic violence incidents that occurred in the city in 2013, the most recent year in which complete data was available. She studied the role of guns in domestic incidents, and looked at what effect they had on victims.

In the incidents during which an external physical weapon was used, one-third involved guns. When a gun was present, it was rarely fired, Sorenson said.

More commonly, 69 percent of the time, it was used to threaten or coerce the intimate partner, much like Beverly described her husband doing to her.Guns were only fired 10percent of the time.

I was interested in this topic because so much is focused on womens deaths, I thought it was important to look at guns in womens lives, she said.

Though victims who had a gun used against them were less likely to have visible injuries compared to victims who reported the use of other weapons, like knives or bats, she said, they were far more likely to experience high levels of fear.

That chronic fear can be extremely detrimental to a persons physical and mental health, said Julian Ford, a professor of psychiatry at the University of Connecticut School of Medicine and Law.

If a person does not feel safe inside their own home and believes they could be injured or killed at any time, they will go into a survival state, he said,describing it as being in a constant fight or flight mode but having nowhere to go.

It is enormously hard on the person psychologically and on the body physically, he said.

Experiencing trauma of this kind can make a person more susceptible to medical illnesses, Ford said, as well as a wide range of emotional and behavioral difficulties including depression, anxiety and sleep problems.

The full range of life is affected because the person cannot really let down their guard, he said.

For Beverly, it was debilitating back pain, recurrent shingles and depression. She said she learned to shut off her emotions to stay safe. If she cried or showed fear, her husband would become enraged, she said.

A person living in constant fear is more likely to be controlled by it, and subsequently their abusive partner. That overwhelming fear could reduce a victims willingness to leave or end the relationship, Sorenson said, thus promoting chronic abuse.

You dont necessarily need to hit a woman to get her to do what you want, Sorenson said.

Thats the concept of coercive control, apattern of ongoing behavior used to dominate a partner, she added. It can include psychological, verbal abuse and stalking, and aims to isolate the victim. Firearms can play a big role in helping an abuser to maintain control over his partner.

Injuries and homicides are just the tip of the iceberg. Shannon Watts, founder of Moms Demand Action

For Beverly, the mere presence of the gun created feelings of helplessness, she said.

Any reference to it would make me comply, Beverly said. I knew if he was going to kill me that would be the most likely way he would do it.

She said she feared her husband would try and kill her the moment she left. It took months to create a plan with her mother in which she believed she could leave safely, without being shot or worse.

Beverly had good reason to be afraid. Most victims who are killed by intimate partners are murdered while attempting to leave, Sorenson said. Her findings illustrate just how powerful firearms are in trapping women in abusive relationships.

If you have an intimate partner who has threatened you with a gun, leaving is incredibly difficult, she said. A person might decide to stay there and stay alive.

Women are far less likely to fight back when a gun is present, she said, and are more likely to do what the abuser says to stay safe.

Sorensons findings show the real need to remove guns from abusers. Domestic violence victims are five times more likely to be killed if their abuser has access to a gun, according to one study. And they frequently are. Every 16 hours, a woman in the U.S. is killed by an intimate partner wielding a gun.

Under federal law its illegal for convicted domestic abusers to own or purchase firearms. But in practice, many states lack enforcement mechanisms to separate abusers from the guns they already a own.

Shannon Watts, founder of Moms Demand Action, which is part of Everytown for Gun Safety, said Sorensonsstudy provides even further evidence that gun violence and domestic violence doesnt always look like someone being shot.

Injuries and homicides are just the tip of the iceberg, she said. We may be missing many common ways that guns are being used to perpetuate abuse, whether its physical or mental.

Its been 8 years since Beverly left her husband. Shes still living in Michigan, and her ex-husband is currently in prison on aggravated stalking charges. She said she is still terrified of him and what could happen if he gets out on parole.

I know how easy it is to obtain a gun legally and illegally, she said. I take all of his previous threats very seriously.

______

Melissa Jeltsen covers domestic violence and other issues related to womens health, safety and security. Tips? Feedback? Send an email or follow her on Twitter.

______

Related stories:

This Is Not A Love Story: Examining A Month Of Deadly Domestic Violence In America

Trumps Election Raises Fears Of Increased Violence Against Women

The Children Who Saw Too Much

Behind The Photos That Changed How America Saw Domestic Violence

Were Missing The Big Picture On Mass Shootings

Woman Accused Of Murdering Her Abusive Ex Goes Free After Almost 3 Years Behind Bars

She Was Leaving Her Emotionally Abusive Husband. Now The Whole Family Is Dead.

14-Year-Old Girl Accused Of Killing Her Allegedly Abusive Father

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from The Invisible Way Guns Keep Women In Abusive Relationships