#does Starbucks even have milkshakes

[miinteaa]

Dazai being all cutsey with a milkshake while simultaneously giving Kunikida an aneurysm

[jackiebrackettt]

I’ve been to some places and have found it impossible to get milkshakes at a cafe which is devastating for me personally as someone who does not like coffee and does not appreciate the only cold drinks being cold coffee

bonus points if you put where you live (no closer than state!! and country is fine enough!!. I don’t want to know your town or city do not doxx yourself to me) so I can figure out how widespread this is

[jellogram]

Literally why the everliving fuck does anyone still go to starbucks. It's overpriced and has a mountain of unethical shit behind it. You can't even pull the "Unnnnnhhhh but it's so good!" excuse because you can literally go to the fucking gas station and get something that tastes the same for $5 less. Unless you are 100 miles away from the nearest other coffee spot there is absolutely no reason to ever go to a starbucks and it's insane that they still have lines out the door. What is wrong with you people? Why are you paying $8 for cheap burned coffee and milkshakes? Why are you so loyal to this place? Don't you love yourself?

[flowerfan2]

Chapter 5 is up - featuring so much hurt/comfort, and where the fic earns it E rating.  Read it here on A03.  CW: accident.

*****

They meet for dinner at a sushi place in the center (the one next to the new Indian place? Or next to the good ice cream place?  Steve asks, and is pleased when Eddie’s favorite sushi place is his favorite too, because they also have Korean food, and Steve loves bulgogi).  Hawkins’ town center is full of restaurants, and banks, and precious little else.  Even the Pete’s has abandoned ship, apparently unable to compete with the Starbucks.  It’s apparently a problem many downtowns have, Eddie informs Steve, given the cost of rent and the continued increase in online shopping.

Steve is fascinated by Eddie’s job.  It seems so real to him, so professional.  They talk for a while about the various projects Eddie is working on, and then circle back, as expected, to Hawkins.

“You said yesterday that you didn’t think I’d be an ‘ally’ in Town Meeting.  But why would you need… allies?  Didn’t Hawkins ask for you to review the project?”

Eddie pulls a hair tie off of his wrist and proceeds to put his hair in a ponytail, then twist it all around until it’s more like the bun Steve’s seen him wear before.  “Not exactly.  The state Architectural Access Board develops and enforces regulations designed to make public buildings safe and functional for use by people with disabilities.  We need to approve the final design, or else the town would have to seek a variance, which can be expensive and isn’t always successful.  What I’m hoping for is that the committee listens to our feedback and really considers what will be best for the town.”

“And that isn’t keeping everything exactly the same, just because it has some vague historical connection?”  Steve asks, his eyes wide to convey the joke.

“Obviously.”  Eddie laughs.  “I know change is hard, but damn, it’s not as if these sidewalks were laid down in colonial times.  We aren’t talking about knocking down Paul Revere’s house or something.”

Steve pulls a face.  “Haven’t you heard?  It’s very important to preserve the ‘mid century modern’ landscape.’”

“At least it isn’t ugly.  You wouldn’t believe the lengths people will go to to preserve even ugly as shit towns, just because they’re afraid of the unknown – even when the unknown is just a different sidewalk material and it could really help people.”

They decide not to have dessert at the restaurant and instead walk down to the other end of the center to get ice cream.  Steve isn’t surprised that Eddie agrees that Tosco’s is the best ice cream in the town – it’s one of the best ice cream places anywhere, except maybe for its sister shop in Cambridge.  Eddie gets a milkshake, which Steve does find a little weird, but then he sees how Eddie is ever so casually looking at him while he sucks on the straw and realizes that Eddie may have an ulterior motive.  And if he does, it’s working.

Steve can hardly keep his mind on putting one foot in front of the other as they leave the shop, telling himself simultaneously not to get his hopes up and imagining how Eddie’s lips will feel on his, icy cold and sweet.  The shop is crowded with people coming in and out, and a woman with a wriggling toddler in her arms is entering as he and Eddie exit, so Steve pauses a moment to hold the door for them and smile at the kid.

Suddenly there’s a screech and a yell, and the sound of a car gunning its engine.  A man pushes by Steve and runs to where a pedestrian is lying by the side of the road and Steve is following him with his heart in his throat because the person who was apparently hit by a car is Eddie.

Read the rest of Chapter 5 on A03.

[kitwalker02]

What the Evan's order at Starbucks

A/N: because I have two days left of employment and am desperately praying for starbies to pull through and hire me....

Tate

-A venti black pike place

-Like that's literally it. Doesn't add his own cream or anything.

-If he's feeling like treating himself he might switch it up and get a venti black cold brew

-Yeah he's got problems

-Also I feel like he'd totally get the ham and swiss croissant because that shit is orgasmic and it is illegal to have that much black coffee on an empty stomache

-9/10 times he does it on an empty stomache anyways and then wonder why his stomache hurts all day

Kit

-Kit is so sweet and would definitely get a birthday cakepop

-Honestly for like a year he'd go to Starbucks for the cakepop alone

-But then one day he decided to live on the edge and get an Irish cream cold brew

-Yeah he definitely riots when he finds out that it's seasonal

Kyle

-He's a frappacuino guy through and through

-Doesn't even like actual coffee but is at starbucks literally every day for the vanilla bean frappacuino

-I can not support this because that thing is disgusting but unless the coffee looks and tastes like a milkshake Kyle won't want it

-Always orders it as the biggest one

-He definitely has a starbucks rewards account

-Judges whatever Zoe orders because his is simply superior

Jimmy

-He's a basic boy who doesn't like coffee but wants to look cool at a cafe

-Gets a hot chocolate and pretends that it's coffee

-Just wait until he finds out about the white hot chocolate though...

James Patrick March

-A diagnosed pumpkin spice latte girl

-Especially since he can literally only go on halloween

-Would throw a fit if the starbucks is all out of pumpkin and won't stop until he finds a store with it

-Literally gets like three that day and so he's bouncing off the walls by the end of the night

-Just about dies when he tries the pumpkin creamcheese muffin

Rory

-A pink drink guy

-Spends the extra $1.25 for the vanilla sweet cream cold foam

-And yes he thinks the bacon gouda sandwich is literally the greatest thing ever created

-Little does he know he has the taste buds of my 51 year old father

Kai

-Caramel macchiato

-But he thinks it's called a latte so then he always has a Karen moment when he gets the wrong drink and refuses to accept it's called a macchiato

-He also asks for extra whip...

-Gets the dark chocolate covered espresso beans everytime because caffeine has no hold on him

Mr. Gallant

-Use to work at starbucks until he got fired for being too sassy at all the customers

-He's an iced sugar free vanilla latte with oatmilk and light ice

-Thinks he sees right through starbucks by asking for the light ice

-He also has a weird obsession with the dry ass blueberry scone

-But he rarely gets it cuz he thinks it'll make him fat

Austin

-Venti chocolate cream cold brew with two pumps of raspberry sauce and light cream (thank you Ronnie for letting me borrow your order😁)

-And that red velvet loaf

-He thinks that is the greatest thing to have EVER been invented

-Swears it took a black pill or two to come up with it

A/N: okay that is all...starbucks please hire me because I am passionate about you and want to be rich

[mugiwara-communications]

OP Characters as "Things in my Fridge"

To my mother, who doesn't read any of my work, I'm sorry I spent three hours with the fridge door open. I swear I was cleaning it out, but also just eating handfuls of cheese when you weren't looking.

:)

Monkey D. "Strawhat" Luffy: White people leftovers from dinner, porkchops with fried potatoes :)

"Pirate Hunter" Roronoa Zoro: Horrible roughly chopped green onions in a baggy shoved under a bag of cherry tomatoes. I don't remember cutting any onions recently, and I hate tomatoes.

"Cat Burglar" Nami: Cutie mandarines... cuz she's a cutie. She'd probably kill me because it's not a tangerine, but they aren't in season yet.

"God" Usopp: A five-pound bag of shredded colby jack cheese that I eat handfuls at a time.

"Black Leg" Sanji: My man is the whole fridge in this case, y'all, he's the anything and everything.

"Cotton Candy Lover" Tony Tony Chopper: 1/3 full can of 'Cotton Candy' flavored Bang. And yes that is actually in my fridge at this moment and not just picked out because they're both cotton candy.

"Devil Child" Nico Robin: Not in the fridge, but the hideous and beautiful drawing my niece did of me stuck to the door. It's my prized possession and I know Robin would keep all of Luffy's drawings.

"Iron Man" Franky: A single open can of faygo twist, and no it wasn't flat.

"Soul King" Brook: A pitcher of Sweet Tea! Freshly made!

"Knight of the Sea" Jinbe: The chuck of salmon I spent $25 on and get to dice up for my kitty later.

“Oni” Yamato: Chinese takeout that I don't remember buying, but will be eating later hell yeah.

"Surgeon of Death" Trafalgar Law: A near empty bottle of cold brew coffee. SToK brand because I'm not rich enough to buy starbucks.

"Captain" Eustass Kid: A random dirty/used knife, (not bloody.)

"Massacre Soldier" Killer: The birthday cake I found with the knife. And no, it hasn't been anyone's birthday recently, but that cake does say 'Happy Birthday' in blue icing.

"Red Flag" X Drake: A three-pound industrial container of melted chocolate I could use for ice cream, milkshakes, chocy milk, licking off his big sexy chest, and so much more.

"Big Eater" Jewelry Bonney: Frozen Totino's pizza rolls that my sister put in the wrong area again. Combination, but I don't care for the sausage.

"The Magician" Basil Hawkins: Bottle of ranch, nothing else. Not even spiced, magical ranch. Just plain, normal, 'good for salads and pizzas' ranch.

"Whitebeard" Edward Newgate: Okay, not 'in' my fridge, but I keep boxes of cereal on top and recently bought an off-brand called 'Bye-Os' indeed of 'Cheerios' and that is the perfect dad joke.

Marco "The Phoenix": A suspiciously perfect bag of grapes. Like delicious, juicy, tender, firm... grapes, yes, the grapes. Good grapes.

Portgas D. "Fire Fist" Ace: The butter I've also yelled at my sister not to put in the fridge so many times. It's the toast butter! It's got, like, crumbs in it, so it can't be used for much else!

Gol D. "Gold" Roger: You know those plastic, reusable ice cubes? I have 8 million of them little bitches, they leak like hell, and I know that he'd, proudly, be one of them.

Silvers "Dark King" Rayleigh: The cheap-ass bottle of 10% wine I sippy-sip when I'm saddy-sad. He could be something of higher quality if I could afford it.

"Red Hair" Shanks: Near empty bottle of ketchup I have to shake and beat on the counter to use. Most likely separated and gross, but give it a few shakes and it's usable again.

Buggy "The Clown": Call me white, but he's a good potato salad. AND WHEN DONE RIGHT, IT'S REAL GOOD. He's the comfort of potato, the crunch of pickle, and the miracle of miracle whip.

Dracule "Hawk Eyes” Mihawk: A bottle of apple juice that looks and smells like it's been fermenting for twenty years.

“Sir” Crocodile: Dill relish looking ass that is mostly juice instead of the pickles. However, usable in many dishes.

Boa “Pirate Empress” Hancock: My niece is just learning why some foods have to go in the fridge and will stick things in there when no one is looking to help, so Boa is the packet of double stuff oreos I have been looking for all day.

Donquixote Doflamingo “Joker”: Gross bitch can be my father's sour kraut for all I care, I don't eat it and I ain't touching this man with a ten-foot pole.

Donquixote "Corazon" Rosinate: Chocolate-covered strawberries in a bag that has been sitting next to a bag of raspberries, which now I can't eat either of them because I'm allergic.

"Revolutionary Chief of Staff" Sabo: Thirteen different miniature hot sauce bottles that came in a large kit, all different levels of spice and flavor... Go, white boy, go.

"Pirate Princess" Nefertari Vivi: Pretty spring fruit cocktail, with watermelon, cucumber, and cherries. I bought that bitch at public!

Bartolomeo "The Cannibal": A half-eaten watermelon that is mostly just the rind left.

"Ghost Princess" Perona: A brand new bottle of apple juice I just opened and won't let ferment!

[obeybeans]

What they drink: Obey Me HCs

Just some silly hcs about the brothers' and side characters' drink preferences to get more used to writing for them!

CW: mentions of alcohol and being drunk

Lucifer

- black coffee without sugar or milk. Not even a sweetener. He hasn't got time to make anything fancy.

- forces himself to like instant for the speed alone

- learned about coffee pots that hold a large amount of coffee and keep it hot for ages from MC, made a trip to the human world for one immediately

- used to taking a drink of coffee only to find it cold

- prefers French press

- knows a lot about fancy coffees and would probably be a good barista

- if he isn't drinking coffee he's drinking demonus. It's lucky demons don't get dehydrated the same way humans do.

Mammon

- has probably had a drink with gold leaf in it before

- Lucifer lectured him about it after

- likes anything that takes time and effort to make as long as he isn't the one making it. MC made him dalgona coffee when that was a trend and he was pretty into it

- his coffee has to have sugar in it. He doesn't like bitter things like that

- mindlessly takes a drink and burns his mouth when he has any hot drink

- strikes me as someone who drinks beer and/or whisky but only to look cool. Would prefer fruity cocktails (but will never admit it)

- otherwise drinks soda. He likes grape or lemon flavour

Levi

- has tried every flavour of D-energy and has a tier list of them all

- gets limited edition drinks with his favourite characters on the bottles/cans but never drinks them. Goes crazy if Beel drinks them if he finds them lying around

- hates coffee but will make it to try make cute latte art - is surprisingly good at it. Gives the coffees to MC to drink once he's taken pictures

- is able to drink salt water... But prefers not to.

- lives on soda, ramune, iced tea. Likes peach or orange flavour soda. Drinks ramune mainly for the ✨aesthetic✨

- doesn't really drink alcohol. Would probably have an energy drink and vodka if he had to choose but would complain if he could taste the vodka like, at all.

Satan

- black coffee but not out of time constraint or necessity. He just likes it like that.

- tends to get so wrapped up in a book his drinks go cold so he uses magic to keep them hot.

- likes tea but is really specific about how it's made so no one else bothers to make it for him

- has tea rings and coffee rings on a lot of his notes (but not the ones he'd ever turn in as homework, and not anything too important)

- secretly finds warm milk very comforting and calming but can only make himself some at night when others are busy/asleep

- (has found Beel emptying the fridge when trying to get some sneakily before, pretends he is making more coffee which then means he can't fall asleep until really late that night)

- doesn't drink alcohol pretty much ever because it's harder to maintain control of himself if he does. If he does drink alcohol, he has weird cocktails he read about

Asmo

- probably got big into the frosé trend that was going on in the human world a while back

- drinks a Lot of water with sliced fruit in it because he's That Guy

- (he has to look after his skin, of course!)

- is absolutely the kind of person to have an obnoxious Starbucks order

- likes milk tea, boba and frappes

- changes his order every season to be on trend

- honestly he just needs his drink to look cute like him! Not that it can ever really compare

- absolutely has a collection of reusable cups and straws that are customised. He coordinates them with his outfits

- we know he likes demonus but I think he'd drink cocktails with awkward names. Heard about pornstar martinis and sex on the beach cocktails from MC and orders them, much to the embarrassment of whoever is with him

- drinks with little paper umbrellas and sliced fruit on the rim 100%

Beel

- will drink anything tasty

- MC makes him milkshakes with ice cream and sweets in a lot because he loves how it's almost like eating and drinking at the same time

- always gets an extra large soda with every meal. Doesn't mind what kind - he's flexible

- drinks massive fruit smoothies after a work out. Sometimes adds random vegetables and it looks kinda gross to anyone else

- really good at bartending but struggles to not try every single drink if it looks tasty

- doesn't care much for alcohol but will drink it if it tastes nice. Would probably just order himself a soda though

- surprisingly knows a lot about what wines and beers go with what foods best

- probably has mugs and cups that hold liters at a time. Doesn't need to worry about hot drinks going cold - he will finish it way before that can happen

Belphie

- milk and cookies best snack and drink combo

- doesn't like coffee at all even though it's always recommended to him when he's too sleepy to get much done

- he might have a mocha. Sometimes. And that's pretty much the only caffeine he ever consumes

- enjoys a calming cup of herbal tea but can't have it when he knows he's got stuff to do (it makes him sleepy)

- malt flavours are god tier

- if Satan didn't keep it a secret, they'd be the warm milk gang as well as the anti Lucifer league

- loves hot chocolate but only if someone else makes it for him. His favourite is when MC makes it

- he'd never admit it but Lucifer makes it second best (honestly Lucifer probably makes it better than MC but Belphie will Never admit that even to himself)

- doesn't really drink alcohol, only sometimes during family events. If he does, it makes him fall asleep - but also, alcohol can cause interrupted sleep, so he doesn't really like it

Side characters!

Diavolo

- unlike Lucifer, Diavolo has Barb to make him coffee or tea whenever he asks, so he doesn't force himself to drink plain things due to time constraints

- has a favourite blend of coffee and a favourite blend of tea. Barbatos always orders a lot of it to keep them stocked

- since Dia has a high workload he drinks a Lot of coffee and tea

- can consume enough caffeine to kill a human without even getting the jitters

- coffee with one sugar and a little cream

- will try pretty much any drink under the sun because he's curious

- MC took him to a Starbucks in the human world once and he ordered one of everything. It's lucky Beel was there to help out

- a bit of a Demonus connoisseur

- or a lot. Second only to Barb, really

- it's nearly impossible for him to get drunk though - his tolerance is really high

- likes creating new drinks/cocktails for MC and Lucifer to try

Barbatos

- definitely a tea drinker, when he is working he has the stuff on tap basically

- not that he always has time to properly hydrate. He has a Lot of work to do

- much like Lucifer he tries to streamline the process for himself as much as possible because time is valuable. But he doesn't completely skip out on the little luxuries - he makes fancy teas at dawn and uses magic to keep them hot

- is a master of tea ceremonies, which he learned about for MC

- makes the best coffee ever. Is always bringing MC coffees and teas when they study at the Castle library. Even though they insist they can make it themself to save him the time and effort - he prides himself on his work after all

- will only indulge in a small amount of Demonus. Decorum and poise are a must at all times so he can't let even a minor lapse take place

- he kind of strikes me as a white wine kind of guy otherwise

- if he has only a short amount of time for himself then he has espresso. It's quick and effective

Luke

- he loves milkshakes

- he hadn't tried one before coming to the Devildom, when MC made him one.

- it's like a dessert! He learns to make really fancy and pretty ones

- Simeon says soda is bad for him so he shouldn't drink it, but he gets to have one every now and then as a treat

- not that he really Needs Simeon's permission, but if he had one he couldn't keep it secret and he definitely can't lie about it

- he likes having tea with friends because it's very social and communal

- he's pretty picky about how the tea is made though because he's learned about tea a lot from Barbatos

- has asked Barbatos to help him make the best milkshakes he can, even though the butler isn't as familiar with them. They come out perfectly every time anyway

Simeon

- drinks a lot of tea and coffee, but not because he needs them for energy

- he likes that they can easily be a social thing - he loves sitting down for a cup of tea or coffee with MC

- makes amazing hot chocolate. It always helps cheer Luke up when he's missing the Celestial Realm

- tends to be a bit too generous with Demonus whenever it's served and ends up a slurry, giggly mess

- it's cute though, and Demonus isn't harmful to him even in those quantities

- not that it takes much anyway - he's a bit of a lightweight, though he prefers not to admit that

- can't stand instant coffee though. MC drinks it a lot because it's cheap and easy, but he hates the taste. He always insists on making them a better coffee when they're together

- he just wants the best for them, of course

Solomon

- even though he can't cook, he's not bad at brewing tea or coffee thankfully

- which is especially fortunate since he drinks a Lot of it. Coffee especially

- you'd think that someone with immortality wouldn't feel the need to stay awake for indecent lengths of time to complete research, since he literally has all the time in the world

- but he's very stubborn and tends to get fixated. Even with immortal life, though, he still gets tired. So, coffee it is!

- prefers espressos, and after that cappuccinos

- has absolutely set his coffee down too close to a potion he is working on and ended up drinking that instead

- it had some... Unwanted effects

- Demonus has no effect on him but he'll drink it along with others when there's an occasion

- he probably finds it funny when the angels and demons get drunk while he and MC remain sober

Please feel free to send requests my way!🥺

[sweetums0kitty]

Things that I think have Edward Nashton ✨Vibes✨ or like random headcannons for him.

The Early Fall Out Boy albums.

Mainly I think he’d love Take This To Your Grave (he’s big into Tell Mick he just made my list of things to do today) and From Under the Cork Tree (Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner, I Slept with Someone in Fall Out Boy and All I got was this song) and Folie à deux (mans screams 20 Dollar Nosebleed driving home after a murder)

Has a beat up to hell DSI he saved a bunch of money up for. Is the undisputed king of Brain Age. Has that DS game that’s just a bunch of public domain classic books.

The DSI itself is like really beat up from riding around in his book bag. He’s changed the battery multiple times so it’s basically running on spite and coffee fumes! Just like him!

I think Eddie would also be an MCR fan, Mama makes him cry his eyes out. Legit heartbroken when they broke up. Absolutely lost his (already gone) fucking mind when Foundations of Decay came out.

Has a deep buried desire to be loved and held and cared for. Does not know how to express it or attain it. Poor guy is the definition of touch starved.

When he does order food at the diner he keeps it pretty simple. Like a sandwich maybe a BLT if he’s feeling fancy. Mostly it’s pie time bay-bee! Also too much coffee

Pretend to hate Starbucks, says Frappes are just milkshakes with like a drop of coffee in them. Loves to play the Coffee Snob™️. But this motherfucker would inject Pumpkin Spice Lattes and Frappes into his bloodstream if he could!

Speaking of Fall things favorite season right there. He loves Spoopy stuff!

The air getting colder, the leaves changing color, it’s crisper and Gotham is allllllmost a tolerable place to be in. Not when you’re right in the center of the city, that’s dank and nasty. But go to the parks or the outskirts and yeah he can vibe with that.

Is strangely enough a master at hair braiding. He picked up the skill from the Orphanage.

Really loved Roald Dahl books as a kid. Back when he was still innocent and idealistic (before everything went to shit and even a little after in the Orphanage) he would try really hard to see if he had Matilda powers.

Like he’s stand in the bathroom and give himself a migraine trying to flip the switch with his mind. It never worked! 😔✊

Shockingly don’t think he’s an Incel, is he dismissive of other people and outwardly rude? Yes, yes he is! But he just can’t give enough of a fuck about other people to give a shit about who’s having sex and who’s not. Still lonely tho…

I think his parents (to make him sadder, who doesn’t wanna kick around the Blorbo a lil) were/are a Rich Girl who was studying at Gotham University with a Law Degree and the son of her Landlord’s who was also studying. A joint study session or two and they had their little fling and boom! Eddie.

His birth mom is from Metropolis actually! His birth dad disappeared under mysterious circumstances. (Rich Girl’s dad paid him a bunch of money to fuck off out of Gotham and never talk to Ed or his mom ever again)

Neither of them have his last name and his records are hella obscured. Trust me, Eddie tried to find out something, fucking anything.

Rich Girl Mom went on to marry some Rich Boy and she ended up with a MRS. Degree and had two half siblings. She often wonders about him. Saw what happened in Gotham and felt terrible and responsible for how he turned out. Just uh… not enough to like actually reach out and help him.

Eddie hates people but will never be mean to a child. Especially not the children in his building. He likes kids, they’re honest and non-judgmental.

Deep down he still wants a spouse, a nice 4 (one room is his office/man cave) bed and 3 bath house on the outskirts of Gotham with 3.5 kids and Golden Retriever or some shit like that.

Watches/watched too many movies and thinks relationships are supposed to be like a rom-com.

Is in a few Discord servers, has his own for the Riddler but also has like a group of internet geeks he plays D&D and like Jackbox or TF2 with.

He is the D&D Dungeon Master thank you VERY much! When he’s not in charge (he will fight tooth and nail on this) he likes to play Wizards, he’s a classic Elven Wizard guy. Always super high intelligence and Wisdom stats. Has the worst fucking luck on charisma throws, even worse luck when it’s a saving throw.

He had/has friends he just self isolates into a pile of hatred for the world and self loathing so his relationships are shaky.

This dude fucking loves the Sims, Sims 2 is his Nostalgia fave but he really got into the Sims 3 and had played that one the most.

I think he smells nice and doesn’t use like 3 in 1 shampoo. It’s still shit like store brand generic green man soap. But he takes care of his skin and his hair.

Avid wearer of sunscreen, will burn if he doesn’t wear it. Objects majorly to going outside during the summer.

Has one faintly chipped tooth from when he got slammed into a toilet in Middle School.

Was a Library TA in high school. Mainly his senior year since he really didn’t need to take anymore classes other than like an elective (shop class and one more language course. He picked German)

Likes the smell of spearmint, vanilla lotion (especially on a pretty girl), leather, old books and the metallic smell of fresh blood. Also coffee but that was a given.

Can technically cook but chooses not to.

Okay, I really should fucking stop this is already so long. 😖😫 But I love him.

By god I have to add onto this post!

My dude is a raging pansexual, like you all saw how feral he was for Batman.

He has such a weird way of getting crushes on people. One time a cute guy was vaguely nice to him when he got his coffee order and this poor guy already planned out their entire wedding and what they’d name their kids.

Cannot initiate to save his life in those situations. Gets too up in his head and his mean ole brain is like “A you’re disgusting, B. You’re getting distracted from your mission you fucking loser and, C. We gotta circle back to what a gross loser you are.”

If someone showed interest in him he’d short circuit and then assume it was some kind of prank. Please reassure him, he needs it.

As for mental health stuff ima project onto the husband here.

Has BPD, why? The outbursts, getting unhealthy attached to Batman without even knowing him, the mood swings. He just seems like the type.

ADHD my dude lives in organized chaos. Nobody else knows where anything is in his place and that’s how he likes it. He’s got his hyperfixations! Riddles and puzzles being one. Numbers too! He seems like the type of person who would bounce their leg a lot.

Pens are his stim toys, you can bite em, you can tap them, you can click them and they write! 

Tried to go to a gay bar once, he did not make it through the door, mostly sat in his car trying to hype himself up.

Once he got his Riddler outfit tho…. Ooh he was in there and it still freaked him out. Mostly it was him sitting in a corner trying to blend in and lowkey drooling over every hot person that passed him by.

Watched/watched Gravity Falls. He liked Dipper, kinda hates Mabel but not really and full on loves Ford

He’s always hated Harry Potter, thought it was stupid and whenever someone asked him what his house was he’d be like “I don’t have a Hogwarts house because I’m not a child.

Green Apple and Lime are the best flavors fight him.

He used to drink like way too much Monster and other energy drinks but they kinda give him heart palpitations now so he sticks to coffee.

He likes arcades, there’s one that’s been around forever by his place. The folks who own the place are pretty nice to him.

Very pinchable cheeks. You knew tho!

Wears socks in bed! His peets get cold.

[hermesserpent-stuff]

Dumb au thoughts:.

Weather Wizard drinks water out of reusable coffee cups and refuses to buy from Starbucks.

Heat Wave has a favorite pizza place where you can see the fire oven from the dining area. He watches it like a kid watches those fish aquariums in waiting lobbies. Hates pizza from little Caesars.

Pied Piper dislikes going to the eye doctor or the dentist. People touching his face for extended periods of time and close examinations of his face make him twitchy.

Black Adam likes flying at night.

Also! Teth Adam is now a name of power due to it's striking from memory. If a person knows that name and who it belongs to and manages to speak it, Adam can feel it's draw. Like a prayer of sort

Best way to make the Flash go quite is to put food in his face. He doesn't even register it as rude.

The Rogues have a designated hangout bar: Saints and Sinners, and a designated hangout coffee shop: Sally's Coffee House.

Riddler prefers vanilla and mint milkshakes and Penguin makes sure to keep him in supply whenever he comes to the lounge. Riddler does switch it up sometimes

[casualmaraudering]

just fyi: i don’t know sign language, and so everything was googled so it may not be entirely accurate - i have tried my best tho

*

It was one of the first things Sirius had learned to sign.

He and Remus had been dating for around six months when Sirius decided that it was right about time he started learning sign language. His friends insisted it was a little early, but Sirius already knew - hoped - they were something long term. It was only logical he knew how to talk to the love of his life when he happened to switch his hearing aids off, right?

Whenever he brought it up, Remus insisted there’s no need (predictable, really). He’d say it’s too much trouble, and that, as long as his aids are working, there’s no reason for Sirius to go out of his way to learn a whole another language like this. Sirius couldn’t disagree more.

He wanted to be able to talk to Remus at all times, hearing aids or not. And he knew that Remus only puts them on after breakfast, and takes them out to read, and often turns them off in public when there's too much overall noise, and that he hates speaking out loud if he can’t hear himself so he simply doesn’t. Sirius didn’t see himself not learning it with how much Remus uses it on a daily basis. It was partially a way to help Remus, yes (not that Remus needs help - Sirius would just feel useful if he could tell him what the barista at Starbucks says without having to type it in his phone’s notes). But also there’s things he wants to say to Remus that he needs to be able to say any time of day.

You look beautiful.

I like your sweater today.

Your smile is gorgeous.

Can I kiss you?

I love you.

He learned the basics first. Spelling his name and learning the sign Remus came up with for his name (sign for ‘dog’ and ‘star’, Remus shyly explained - Sirius may have kissed him breathless, then) and Remus’s name as well. Counting to ten. Hello, good morning, goodbye, goodnight. Breakfast, coffee, tea nap, book - which were all important when it came to Remus’s vocabulary.

He googled it purely out of curiosity first. It was just three simple signs - four, if you wanted to add please at the end - that Sirius would go over in his head sometimes.

Oddly enough, he only practised it when Remus was around.

It was usually evenings or nights, rarely mornings, when Remus slept. He’d take his aids out, lay his head on Sirius’s chest ("I enjoy feeling your heartbeat" he told him once - funnily enough, it was around that time Sirius realised he was in love with him for the first time), whisper the tiniest ‘love you’. Sirius would kiss his forehead - his personal favourite way to say ‘sleep well’ - and, once Remus’s breath got even and he was fully relaxed in his arms, Sirius would sign to himself.

Point to his own chest. His left hand palm up, a circular motion with his right hand and then bringing it down to his left hand. Point at Remus.

Me. Marry. You.

*

He does it a lot across four years.

A lot changes during that. They both graduate (Remus with a degree in English Lit, and Sirius in Mechanical Engineering) and they get steady, adult jobs. They buy a little house, fix it up together and move in. Remus still doesn’t put his aids in until way after breakfast, except now they can talk without a problem in the slightest - Sirius happily signing each morning that Remus looks gorgeous (and Remus telling him to fuck off in return) and that he made pancakes just the way Remus likes them most, with chocolate chips and a little on the crispier side. They kiss on the front porch sometimes, dance in the kitchen other times. Sirius signs when he speaks to Remus all the time now, and finds himself accidentally doing it with other people too - it makes him look smart, apparently, even if it’s not on purpose. Remus, in return, learns French -  which is Sirius’s first language. His pronunciation is a bit off, and he can’t figure out spelling quite right, but when they take a holiday to Paris, he’s able to read menus without that much of a problem and even make small talk with the waiter, Sirius beams with pride.

And every other night, once every couple weeks, Sirius will wait until Remus is asleep, and repeat the same hand movements.

Me. Marry. You.

He buys a ring, of course, and hides it in a shoe in the closet that sat untouched for a good year now. He makes plans to take Remus to dinner, visit their favourite milkshake spot, walk home under the starlight, sit on the porch and then finally ask.

He wakes up that day to Remus still asleep, the Autumn sun shining through the curtains, hitting Remus’s hair and just the tip of his nose. Sirius can’t help but kiss it.

Remus stirs, buries his face into the pillow for a minute, exhales. Opens his eyes gently, and smiles at Sirius looking at him.

‘Good morning.’ Sirius signs. ‘Ready for breakfast?’

‘Not yet.’ Remus replies with sleepy motions. ‘Stay in bed.’

‘How long?’

‘All day.’

Sirius laughs then, and he can see the corners of Remus’s lips curl up in a smile. Remus shimmies closer, and kisses Sirius so gently he can barely feel it. Sirius relishes the touch, closing his eyes for a moment, letting himself breathe in the morning air, Remus’s shampoo, feeling Remus’s finger tapping on his chest three times, something they’ve made up a long time ago before Sirius learned how to sign. One tap for yes. Two taps for no. 

Three for I love you.

Three taps, a break. Three taps, a break. Three taps, a break.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

It’s then Sirius pulls away from him just slightly. Just enough so Remus knows to glance down at his hands. He doesn’t even think about it, honestly. The motion is so familiar by now. Me. Marry. You.

‘Will you marry me?’

Remus just blinks down at his hands first, and then his own quickly tell him: ‘Repeat.’

And so he does. And when Remus asks him to do it again, he does so. He adds please this time, though.

‘You know what that one means?’ Remus signs to him, though Sirius suspects he already knows the answer to his own question, seeing as his eyes have glossed over now.

‘It means I want to wake up like this all the time.’

Remus breathes out with possibly the biggest smile Sirius had seen on him yet, and he tackles Sirius into a hug, smashing their lips together in a mess of laughter, tears, and kisses. Three pecks under his left eye. Three pecks under his right eye. Three on his nose. Three on his forehead. And three on his lips.

‘Is that a yes?’ Sirius asks finally, brows raised in a question.

Remus laughs, wiping the tears pooling down from his face.

“Yes,” he says, out loud this time, barely a whisper before he sniffles and laughs one more, before signing it too, just for good measure. Sirius pulls him down into another kiss, letting it linger for as long as he can.

Good thing he’d practised.

[captcas]

Trucks, Tenders, and Tying the Knot

Claire plays wingwomen for Uncle Cas while watching the trucks. Prompt from this tweet. read on ao3

Castiel is already planning the next six days in bed from a god awful migraine as the loud whir of what might be a front loader clashes with the sound of a jack hammer.

But Claire loves trucks.

And Castiel has the hardest time saying no to his six-year old niece so obviously— despite it being 90 degrees in the shade and the obnoxious amount of noise— they’re sitting outside watching a construction site.

Cas wishes he could say it wasn’t his best (only) option for his Saturday night. But, when Meg begged him for a night off, he didn’t even hesitate. He owes his adopted sister more than he’d care to admit and Claire really is one of his favorite humans.

So, again, they’re watching the trucks.

Pointing curiously at all the different types of trucks, Claire asks Cas to name them off, but Cas truly couldn’t guess the different names for these things if his life depended on it. At first he tried Googling the answers, but Claire’s patience waned so he started just making them up instead.

It’ll only be a problem for him once his adoptive-sister is fielding phone calls from kindergarten when Claire calls an Excavator a “Whoozitkabob”.

It’ll be very hard for Cas not to laugh.

After a while of watching the free (loud) show, Cas realizes it really is 90 degrees and they should probably be keeping hydrated.

This is why Castiel isn’t a parent.

They walk out of the nearby Starbucks a few minutes later, Cas with an iced coffee and Claire with her Vanilla Bean Frappuccino which Cas had to convince her was just a milkshake with a fancy name . He glances down at his niece who is now enthusiastically guzzling the beverage down as though she wasn’t almost in tears about it minutes prior.

Kids, man.

As they reapproach the construction site and their front row seats, Claire stops walking and Cas almost trips trying to stop with the same abruptness.

“Phewwww, I don’t know what he’s fixing but mines broken.” Cas chokes on his coffee before following her gaze to the man in question.

Damn.

“Claire— where did— nevermind—“ Cas knows where Claire heard that, his sister never being subtle with her sexual innuendos despite the impressionable nature of her kid. The most impressive part is Claire is… not wrong.

Flustered by the comment and whether he should tell her objectifying men is not a good look but also by his extreme want to objectify the same man that made Claire stop in her tracks, Castiel just stands there.

And then he stares.

Because damn.

He thinks Leonardo Da Vinci may have been a time traveler because when he described the perfect man he must have been talking about this man. Strong arms, broad chest, bow legs, sandy hair, a smile to power the Chrysler Building, freckles for day, and the greenest eyes Castiel has ever seen even from this far away. He’s dressed a little nicer than most of the workers so Castiel reasons that he must be the contractor or project lead but holy shit can he wear a flannel and jeans.

Tight jeans.

Maybe they can watch the trucks for a bit longer.

Before Castiel can realize what’s happening, Claire is pulling him in the direction of said man. As much as he knows he shouldn’t let a six-year-old wander toward an active construction site he also knows he would never have the guts to approach the man otherwise. He does a quick sweep to make sure there aren’t any Thingamahoozies around and that there’s a fence and decides they’re probably fine walking closer.

As long as his heart doesn’t beat straight out of his chest.

“Hey, Mister. Whatcha fixing?” Claire is yelling as she runs toward the guy who at first looks a little taken aback by the precocious child hurtling towards him but then he notices Cas and breaks into a wide smile that practically knocks Castiel onto the ground.

He reminds himself that the contractor is just happy this kid is supervised and that he is entirely imagining the way the man’s jaw slacked at the sight of Castiel.

Now that he’s drawn to them, Castiel knows he’ll be picturing those lips every time he closes his eyes for the foreseeable future.

The man is laughing and shaking Claire’s hand through the chain-link fence and Castiel realizes he’s staring again. He approaches the two of them, and apparently they’re fast friends, because Claire introduces him, “Oh, there you are. This is Dean!”

Dean .

Cas smiles what he hopes is a normal smile because he feels like he’s lost all control of himself being in this man– Dean’s presence. Somehow his brain tells him to reach out his hand and before he knows it, their fingers are intertwined and he’s speaking, “Hello, Dean. I’m Castiel.”

Then he stares some more but maybe Dean doesn’t mind because he’s staring right back and it’s giving Castiel all the time in the world to study every fleck of gold etched into the summer green of this man’s eyes. In no time at all he moves onto the constellation of freckles that are patterning his cheeks which, if Castiel isn’t mistaken, are starting to red in a blush that may be the most adorable thing he’s ever seen– Claire aside.

Oh yeah, Claire.

Castiel reluctantly lets go of the man’s hand when Claire snaps them out of their trance, “We need you to fix whatever we’ve got broken.”

Oh, fantastic, now he’s mortified.

But Dean doesn’t bat an eye, in fact he throws his head back in laughter and it’s the sweetest sound to ever grace Castiel’s ears and he swears if he could he would spend a lifetime trying to hear that laugh everyday.

Dean glances at Castiel’s left hand– not subtle at all – and then looks towards Claire fondly, “Is that what your dad said?” Castiel doesn’t have time to focus on the fact Dean thinks Claire is his because if he thought his mind was reeling from Dean’s check of his marital status then it’s absolutely worthless when the man looks back towards him and winks.

Carve up his tombstone because Castiel is a goner.

Claire, apparently completely unaware of the absolute stupor she’s put her uncle in, continues chatting, “Oh, he’s not my dad, that’s my uncle, Cas.”

“Cas.” Dean looks like he’s mulling the nickname over like an award winning wine and then he smiles. “Well, it’s an absolute pleasure to meet you and your uncle Cas.”

Claire beams before gasping loudly, “OH MY GOD, UNCLE CAS! IT’S A ZINGAMAHOOEY!”

Send that tombstone via express mail because Castiel just died of embarrassment.

Dean’s face screws into something too cute to be legal and he shoots a glance at Castiel, clearly looking for an explanation. Somehow Castiel finds words, “She kept asking what they were called and I’m clueless.”

Cas could swear Dean’s eyes twinkle before speaking again, “Well maybe I could teach you… uh… over dinner?”

“Oh yes please! I love chicken tenders!” Claire, apparently paying attention again, chimes in.

Cas is about to object but then Dean laughs again and says, “Of course! I know the best spot for chicken tenders.”

With Claire satisfied and looking again at the construction site, Dean looks back toward Cas with nervousness etched across his face, “Is— uh— I mean— if you want to..”

He can’t help but enthusiastically put the man out of his misery, “I’d love to.”

And they do.

A week later they’re munching on burgers and chicken tenders listening to Dean talk about all the different kinds of trucks and Claire try and tell him he’s wrong because Uncle Cas said.

And if Cas thought the night couldn’t have possibly gotten better, Dean drops off Claire first and walks him to the door and kisses him goodbye with the promise of another dinner— just them two.

Dean keeps his promise and a million promises... including the biggest promise of their lives with the tiniest Maid of Honor by their side.

[kiri-ah]

“Oh my gosh, Chenle,” you say, letting him lead you out from the elevator. When he asked you to dress nicely you knew it was special, but this is more than you imagined. You’re up high, high enough that you’re able to see the rooftops of more than a few buildings from this vantage point. A cool breeze wafts around you, bringing the smell of fresh air. It’s rather unusual. 

You step onto fake grass, like a very high quality version of the turf on your high school football field. The place absolutely reeks of wealth, people of all genders bedecked in fancy jewellery and clothes you would never consider wearing but which are apparently high fashion. White metal tables are protected from the warm sun by mint green umbrellas, and tall straws protrude from milkshakes topped with gold leaf. Chenle leads you to a table marked with his name on a placard covered in what looks like silver glitter but is probably real precious metal. You wouldn't know how to tell the difference, this isn't really your scene. 

Chenle himself walks the fine line between chic and too dressed down for where you are. He has on a heather grey silk shirt that billows in that way that silk does when he moves, complemented by a pair of black slacks and his green hair. An absurd amount of rings rest on his fingers, but that's just to make sure the other patrons of the café recognize that he is not someone to be messed with. You actually feel like you dressed appropriately, with him next to you. Not too much, not too little. 

You open your menu and Chenle chuckles lightly. “So? What do you think of Café Geum?”  

You look around again before answering. “It's... Well, it definitely lives up to its name,”  you say, eyeing the gold leaf and fancy details on most of the food being served. “And the views of the city are amazing from up here. I've never been up to this level.”

“Well, there was that one time that you came up to my office, that’s pretty high up too,” he says. You blush at the memory.

“I wasn't paying much attention to the city on that occasion.” He laughs, loud and high pitched, and a few people look around at the noise.

“I know.”

 You look down at your menu again. “I have no clue what to get,” you admit. “I can't even pronounce half of these foods.”

“Okay,” he says easily. “I'll order for you, you just get yourself a drink.”

“Thank you.”

 When it comes down to it, you're a simple person, so you get the same thing you would order at a Starbucks, despite the extravagant options. You know it'll come with accoutrements anyway, so it'll be a safe sort of new. Chenle orders food for both of you, one of those dishes that you have no clue how to say. Once the waitress has walked away, you turn to Chenle. “So why are we here?”

He looks at you, confusion evident in his features. “I thought you said last week that you wanted to go on a café date? We’re at a café, and it's a date.”

You roll your eyes. “Well, yes, but why here specifically? Our food probably costs, like, half of my rent!”

He scoffs. “First of all, you know that I'm paying. Second, we came here because I thought you'd like it. I know high-end isn't your thing, but look at the buildings, look at the tiny people down below us! I thought you might be able to enjoy the experience, rather than worry about the prices of stuff.”  He offers you a small smile. “And also, my mom is always on my back about making sure you know your worth and stuff.”

 You smile back at him. “You're right. Seeing tiny people is totally worth it.”  A pout flits across his features and you laugh. “Honestly, Chenle, you could take me to any place or just sit me on the couch for takeout, I really don't care. Spending time with you is always appreciated after a long week.”  Another look settles onto his features.

“You know, you don't have to work, I could support us!” he says. You roll your eyes. 

“And do what, just sit around all day waiting for you at home? No thank you. Besides, you missed the point. I love you, and no amount of money, large or small, will change that.”

As he opens his mouth to respond, the waitress comes back with your drinks and you smile at him across the table, eagerly sipping your beverage. He smiles back.

“I love you more.”

All Rights Reserved kiri-ah 2021

[lady-maria-the-wolf225]

Da boys when they have a bad day:

Blue boy Leo here would just remain calm but never shows much on how moody he can get.

Normally he would water his banzai plants, meditate, make calming tea, or read a book to calm his bad days.

When he's asked if he's okay, he would just sigh and say: "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine." It can worry his friends and family at some points but they would understand when he needs some space to calm his nerves and not disturb him.

When he's finally at ease from his bad day, he would just lay back on the couch and no longer would worry about it and move on from it.

Bad day or not, he is always the calm leader who knows how to strategies his own bad days.

Big red Raph is always the moodiest. He would grunt, growl, and basically say nothing when having his own bad days.

When bumping into him, he would just have his arms crossed and still say nothing.

He would sometimes hear punk rock music, or punch a pillow, or punch his punching bag at the gym to help ease his most worst times. It depends how bad it is.

Despite his anger problems, Donnie would give Raph a stress relief ball, but they're the shape of a woman's tits. To be honest, it actually helped more than what he usually does. He would thank Donnie and be like: "Thanks bro. I've always wanted to squeeze a human woman's titties!....but not in the shape of a ball!" At least he can finally be at ease with it.....in the meantime until he can feel the real thing. 🤣😅

Oh boy. The smarty purple Donnie.....where do I begin with him? Well first off, when he has a bad day, the first thing that is noticeable would be his eye twitching. Weird right?...it is.

He would lock himself in his lab and hear the song "careless whisper" at full blast to try to calm himself down.

When he snaps on the other hand, is when his brothers want to go to a drive through to get some food other than pizza. Starbucks, Mcdonalds, Taco bell, KFC, Dunkin Donuts, burger king, you name it! When finally at the drive through, They would not stop talking having a hard time choosing what they want to get no matter where they go to. Donnie's blood would boil, his mouth and eye would twitch, and that is when he would make Leo sit in the back of the van, and yell out the orders for them like: "Burger!, Kid's meal!, Salad!, Large fries!, vanilla and chocolate Milkshakes!, extra BBQ sauce!, ice tea!, NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP!" That of course would have his brothers stare in complete shock and stay silent throughout the entire way home, even after they got their meals.

Poor Donnie never would catch a break during those bad days, but at least he would get over it after a nap and working on his stuff in peace with no interruptions at all. Just how he wanted it to be at least.

Mikey...oh...the orange sweet baby. How can this adorable green bean have a bad day? Well its mostly when he gets rejected by human girls he becomes friends with, and being made fun of.

During his bad days, he would be in his room just playing the drums aggressively not caring at all.

He is always quiet and never speak to anyone for a few days.

As for watching TV, uh....he just watches static sitting on the couch like a rag doll. His brothers and April and Casey would approach him asking what he is watching. His only response would be: "My favorite show..." kinda strange, but it's normal for him.

He would eat non stop and not even caring if he gains weight from it either.

Later on he would calm down and move on from the bad days and would go back to his happy self. But to do that would be to do fun stuff with him. At least he'll have someone in his life to cheer him up.

[alister312]

16, 17, 22 🐮❤️

16. Match 5 characters with an animal

haha I finally received stickers i ordered from bunypark's rb of Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Butters as animals the other day so this feels appropriate! That being said, because of that I won't do those four... gonna do Craig's gang instead 👀

As much as I think Craig would want his fursona to be a guinea pig, I'm sorry but he's definitely got the energy of a city pigeon. He does not give a shit about what other people are trying to get him to do, he's just going to do his own thing. Tweek is for sure a deer or maybe a horse. Skittish as all hell, but can absolutely go buckwild and cause some damage, especially if spooked (very wonderful to be with if you earn his trust though). Tolkien gives me cat vibes in a way? Not the traditional idea of cats but more in the sense that I think he's a good comforting presence when people need him but he's also good at establishing his own boundaries and not giving too much. I think cats are like that too. Clyde is a cow. Mostly because I often hear people refer to cows as "moo dogs" and Clyde does have dog energy but... more. Bigger. Therefore: cow (also a nod to him having jock energy-- go south park cows!). Last but certainly not least is Jimmy! I think he's like a dolphin: fun, clever, beloved by many, and canonically fucks.

17. Match 5 characters with a type of drink

I'm not sure if this should be alcoholic or non alcoholic drinks... anyway time to talk about a bunch of my favorites <3

Christophe is red wine, but I'm going to deviate slightly from the cliche by specifying that he is red wine from a Mickey Mart. It's hard to explain why I think it's so good because it's so attached to personal memories. Same with Christophe. Damien next and we're going alcoholic again because he's literally any flavor of MD 20/20. Looks cheap as hell (seeing as he's from an earlier season), very cool if you're edgy and in high school, will most certainly fuck you up. Going nonalcoholic, I think Kenny is like a milkshake! People are always mixing him up in everything, making so many different versions of him and they're all amazing, even if they get very insane sometimes. Also if you make content with him in it, it will likely bring me to your yard. To spotlight another one of my favorite blondes, Bebe is lemonade! She can be both sour and sweet, enhanced when made pink (gay), and I am refreshed every time I see her. Lastly, to get another girl up in here, Red! Red is a caramel frappe from Starbucks because she might seem basic to the outside observer, but those with taste know she’s one of the best. Also if someone is drinking a frappe out in the cold (aka Colorado mountain town weather) they’re definitely gay and Red is gay.

22. Who is the cutest kid in south park?

OOF what a hard question!! I love all those lil guys n gals 🥺 And my personal attachment to certain ones definitely influences me a lot... it’s impossible to choose just one!! So I won’t lol

I think some of the ones I’d consider the cutest in both likely looks and personality are maybe Nichole, Kevin Stoley, and Kyle! I like nerds and dorks... board game/TTRPG Nichole and sci-fi Kevin and gamer Kyle my beloveds <3

[peanut-butter-parkerxx]

Wiping his cup before drinking prank (TikTok)

Wiping his cup before drinking prank (TikTok)

Warning: kissing??

Pairing: Peter x fem!reader

Status: dating <3

Y/n POV

I was just scrolling through TikTok, sitting in peters bed waiting for him to come back from his patrolling.

*text from: lovey 🧸*

Lovey 🧸: hey y/n/n I'm getting Starbucks, want some? 🤓

Y/n: yess plssss 🥺

Lovey 🧸: okk what do you want? Ur hot drink order or cold one?

Y/n: ummm the cold one pls

Lovey 🧸: on it 😉

Y/n: thx bubs

Lovey 🧸: no problem, love

Ugh I don't deserve him, while I was waiting I organized his room a bit, he's been working really hard lately he can't even clean his room properly, so I decided to do it for him.

After cleaning up peters room I went back to his bed and kept scrolling on TikTok, until I found a video that caught my eye.

The video is about a girl wanting to try her boyfriends drink but instead of just drinking it she wipes his cup, and the boy looked hurt and confused, I really want to do this to Peter, it'll be hilarious!

So I set up my phone just below the desk, because I was sitting on the ground and waited.

🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸

Peters POV

I just entered the elevator to my apartment with my girlfriend and i's drinks, I was so tired from patrolling and I couldn't wait to see y/n, she always makes me feel better after my morning patrols on the weekends.

DING

The elevator stopped at my floor, and I grabbed my keys walking to my door. I opened it and said:

"BABE?" while closing the door, looking for my beautiful girlfriend.

"IN UR ROOM!" She answered, I smiled gently and walked to my room

"Oh there you are" I smiled, "got your favorite drink" I said.

"Ugh you're the best!" She beams giving me grabby hands.

"uh uh uh, what's the magic word?" I ask grinning

"really?.." she says clearly annoyed (in a joking way), I gave her the 'you gotta say it I or I won't give it to you' look, "ugh...Spider-Man's the hottest avenger" she blurts out.

"actually it was "Spider-Man could beat any of the avengers ass, but that's a good one too" I say shrugging.

"hey that was never a magic word! You just want me to say your the hottest because you saw me drool over Bucky" she playfully slaps me, I just laugh and give her, her drink.

Y/n POV

So I got my drink and it tasted sooo good! Like always, I wanted to start the prank before he notices the camera, but before I ask, Peter suddenly grabs me by my hips and puts me on his lap, I look at him confused but he just had this stupid grin on his face.

"wipe that grin off your face Parker" I say, shifting in his lap to be comfortable, I just ended up straddling him.

"I missed you" says softly, which literally made me melt, he knows I can't resist his face when he does that, "I missed you too" but before I could say anything else, he puts his hand behind my neck and kisses me, his kisses are soft and sweet, and makes you feel like you never want to stop.

🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸🕸

Suddenly, aunt may knocks on the door, and literally in a split second Peter lifts me up and puts me on his top bunk, I don't even know how he did it, but it happened so quick i couldn't process what happened.

"heyy! i just wanted to tell you guys that im ordering pizza- why are you guys out of breath?" she asks curiously

"oh uhh, he was chasing me, because i said that bucky was the hottest avenger" i say quickly trying to make an excuse.

"oh haha well he definitely has a reason, no ones hotter than my little boy" she says grabbing his cheeks

"mayyyy!" peter complains which makes me laugh.

"anyways peter can you help me with the groceries?" may asks and both of them leave the room, i took that chance to fix the camera because it had been recording for 10 minutes now and just wait for him, hopefully i can do the prank now.

"ok sorry about that" peter barges in and flops on his bed.

"no problem, what do you wanna do now?"

"OHHH CAN WE WATCH STARWARS!" "he beams the smile never leaving his face.

"sure! but can i try your drink first? it looks really good, what is it?"

"oh uhh its just a vanilla milkshake but here try it" ok go time

i took his drink, and took a napkin from my back pocket that was secretly meant for this prank and wiped the cup. peter looked at me intently, and tilted his head like a puppy.

"what are you doing?" he asks, he looked kinda hurt and reeeally confused, i was trying not to laugh coz that would ruin the whole thing!

"oh nothing just wiping the cup" i said nonchalantly like its not a big deal.

"b-but why?" oh he's definitely hurt now, aww i cant stand him sad! no y/n keep it together

"because of germs and everything" i try to play it cool

"germs?! GeRmS" he says making fun of me "we just made out 10 minutes ago!" he says not believing me, i couldn't contain my laughter so i was giggling a bit

"i don't know its just to be safe" i shrug my shoulders

"excuse me?? you know what, come here" oh no "wha-" then peter suddenly grabs me again and kisses me sloppily, i obviously didn't want to stop so i kissed back. After a couple of seconds he pulls away, "now what happened to the GeRmS" he asks, saying 'germs' in a weird way.

"'laughs' nothing!" i couldn't stop laughing now, his face was hilarious, "it was a prank babe, im not disgusted by drinking from the same cup" i say, clutching my stomach from laughing so hard

he was relieved and happy but still annoyed from what happened "baaaaaabbe." he grumbles "i really thought you were disgusted, not that you cant be its okay if you are, but it made no sense i literally hand my tongue all of over your throat like 10 minutes ago so i got so confused! and not gonna lie, a little hurt"

"eww peter! but no im not disgusted don't worry" i pout, sitting back down and hugging him. "from now on, your only drinking from my cup" he says in a matter-of-fact tone.

"what? so i cant have my own cup?" i ask laughing.

"just for today, its payback for pranking me" he says grinning, "wait- is there a camera? WAIT THERES A CAMERA?" he says worriedly "DID IT JUST RECORD OUR WHOLE KISSING SESSION?" I laughed again, worried peter is just so funny.

"now everyone will know that nerdy shy boy peter knows how to kiss a girl" i say smirking.

"y/nnnnn" he grumbles hiding his face in my neck, at this point i couldn't even talk so i just pointed under the desk, when he saw it he looked at me like he's ready to attack.

"ugh you little-"

have a wonderful morning/afternoon/evening/night!

-quacksonlover

[rodeoxqueen]

DEVIL MAY GRIND

(II)- Calling Card 

Dante/ GN!Reader

Series Summary:  From a surprise rendezvous to a male strip club on your birthday to a private dance, you end up seeing eye-to-eye rather than eye-to-groin with a cowboy stripper named Dante Sparda.

Work Summary: In which you finally call to schedule your private dance with Dante.

Tags/Warnings: V Is Called Vitale And Drinks Starbucks, Stripper! AU, GN! Reader, Reader Hates Making Phone Calls, Rodeo Doesn't Know How Strip Clubs Work

Rodeo’s Two-Pieces: It's Awful Tame Right Now But You'll See Some Magic Soon Enough.

Just when you couldn’t be absolute garbage, you sunk even lower in your own standards. On your day off, you had been haunted by the cowboy hat sitting on your dresser. 

“Spare this outlaw some sugar?” You almost turned red again at the memory of those powerful thighs flexing as he prowled to you. 

You better eat some Kellogg’s cereal before you get too hot and heavy. 

The thought of cereal had brought you to the kitchen, your phone tucked against the waist of your shorts. 

“Has it really been a week?” You whined to yourself, staring at the card you kept on your fridge. Sipping some hot drink, you sighed at your cowardice. 

A week ago, it had been the best day of your life. Well, at least to the suppressed horny chunk of your brain. A bartender charmed you out of your sobriety and a stripper with the cowboy hat stole the breath out of you and then a wonderful man named Dante gave you a chance to reach out to him again. 

Literally, reach out. Like, to touch his abs. 

You spent the entire morning after swiping through photos of you and Dante your friends drunkenly took and sent to you in the group chat. Most of them were incredibly risque and you kept them hidden in your photo library. They shall be archived like sacred texts. 

Yet here you were, moping in your apartment at how you couldn’t call up Devil May Cry. It was as if the air cemented your arms to yourself, unable to reach across and call up the club. 

You wanted to see him again, not even to see him in the near-nude. You just liked to talk to him. Your time with this bartender had been more fun than you had intended, how forward and casual he was. 

When was the last time you had to have a chance like this again? 

Where’s the logic? Finally, a nice guy with nice pecs and a nicer butt and the nicest personality wants to spend time with you, and you want to be anxious? Are you mental? 

Whipping your phone out, your heart beat loudly. While squinting at the number you typed it into your phone. 

“Don’t mess up the numbers.” You warned yourself. 

You call them the first time and the dialing noise as the call is being connected freaked you out. Finger nearly jamming the red button, you stop yourself. You do a lap around your kitchen island before putting your phone on speaker. You even think about doing a shot of whatever liquor you had in your cupboard for liquid courage. 

“Okay, you got this. You still got some time before-”

“Devil May Cry? This is Vitale speaking.” A bored voice asks. 

“Aw geez!” You internally scream. 

“Hi, um. I have a coupon for a private dance.” 

“Do you now?” He teases. 

“Why does everyone at this place have to try me?”

“I’d-I’d like to use it.” 

“Good for you. May I get a name?” 

“(Y/N). (Y/N) (L/N).” 

“Mmm.” 

Vitale sighs lightly through the phone as he flips through the schedule. The noise rumbles and amplifies your jittery nerves while calming you at the same time. 

“He should work for a phone sex hotline. Good lord.” You think to yourself. 

“Do you have a certain entertainer in mind-” 

“Dante Sparda!” You say his name a little too quickly, your breath catching up with you afterward. Vitale chuckles. 

“Alright. He’s available this Saturday. Is nine o’clock in the evening a good time for you?” 

“Oh-oh, that’s fine. Thank you.” 

“Alright then.” 

“Thank you very much, Mr. Vitale.” 

“You have manners. I like that. Farewell.” 

“Goodbye!” You hang up, letting out a breath of relief. Now, what were you going to wear? The current baggy sweatshirt and athletic shorts simply wouldn’t do. You only had a few days to figure this shit out. 

“Cereal first. Horny later.” You conclude before groaning at the sight of your empty cupboard, long devoured of the treasured delicacy. 

Meanwhile, Vitale puts the phone down, his rings clinking against his overpriced floral iced tea. Dante, his cousin, had never ever used one of his “special treatment” cards before. It was the club policy that a few of the more well-known strippers were allowed to give out heavily-discounted cards as a way of promoting the business. 

It was always so loud at night, V gladly taking the morning-to-afternoon shifts. It helped him with paying rent as he did his apprenticeship at a local tattoo parlor. 

The previously-mentioned man walked into the club late with a slice of pizza as usual. Vitale could literally smell the Axe spray off of him. 

“You’re late,” Vitale mumbled, tucking stray hairs behind his pierced ear. Dante waved him off. 

“Oh, whatever. The crowd’s dead around this time anyways.” 

Vitale shrugged with the green straw in his mouth. He shook up the ice to get at the sweet tea. 

“You have a private dance on Saturday. Just got off the phone arranging it.” Dante chuckled. 

“May I know who with?” 

“A little bird by the name of (Y/N).” Dante stifled on choking from his pizza, resting an elbow on the counter. The same shit-eating grin Vitale wished he could cover with a paper bag appeared again. 

“Well, that’s something I like to hear.” Vitale raised an eyebrow. 

“Was that the unfortunate dear you threw at Morrison? Lady told me about that. Poor thing, I handled that RSVP about a surprise birthday event.” 

Dante snorted. 

“First off, Mr. Indiana was the closest one there. Secondly, that was an exaggeration. I handed more than threw. And thirdly, yes that is the (Y/N) of discussion.” 

“You seem rather fond of that little peer-pressured hostage.” 

Dante loosened his tie, making himself a milkshake at his bar station. Lady would yell at him if she caught him doing that again. 

“Hey, cute and shy isn’t something I’m used to seeing. Wouldn’t mind seeing that combination again. Saturday when?” 

He vigorously shook the concoction, thinking about you. He hadn’t seen someone as green and composed as you at his job. Of course, he loved those party people who threw money at him like it was going out of style too. However, there was something about you that he just liked. He was endeared by your shyness on stage but your open conversation at the bar counter. Sweet little smoke shows like you needed more attention. 

The question he asked was abandoned, Vitale swiping through pictures of his pets again. 

“V, what time?” 

“So now you want to care about punctuality and time?” 

“Okay, Mr. Fruity Little Drink 'Cause He Can't Shoot Whiskey…” Dante stuck a paper umbrella in his strawberry milkshake. 

“It’s at nine o’clock in the evening, you arse.” Vitale bit back, picking up another caller. 

The banter melted into the sensual music in the background. Dante took the first sip of his soon-to-melt decadence, toasting to you wherever you were.