#does anyone understand kaz and inej better than these two

[anthony-sharma]

Six of Crows Reread - Ch. 11

Now an episode by our dear Jesper!

_

Chapter 11: Jesper

“Kaz had warned them to anticipate competition, other teams bent on gaining the prize at any cost, but this was early in the job for things to be going so badly. They were surrounded, at least one man down, a burning ship at their backs. They’d lost their transportation to Fjerda, and if the shots raining down on them were any indication, they were seriously outnumbered. He supposed it could have been worse; they could have been on the boat when it exploded.

[...]

He gave a sharp whistle. Nina glanced over her shoulder, and her gaze found Jesper ’s. He flashed two fingers, twice, and she gave a quick nod. Had she known berth twenty-two was their real destination? Had Inej? Kaz was at it again, playing with information, keeping one or all of them blind and guessing. Jesper hated it, but he couldn’t argue with the fact that they still had a way to get to Fjerda. If they lived to board the second schooner.”

Well Jesper, that basically sums up why Kaz was angry at you the rest of the books. They’re outnumbered, the plan as it was was ruined and new versions of it had to come up and, most importantly, Inej gets injured and almost dies. Of course Kaz, emotionally constipated person that he is, wouldn’t know what to do with his anger. 

And yes Jesper, I think I understand pretty clearly now why he conceals his plans. I mean, it’s not like I’m condoning how Kaz treats Jesper after he finds out that he spilled information, but we can understand that he has a reason why he does it. 

“The boat that blew was a decoy.”

“You knew?”

“No, I took precautions. It’s what I do, Jesper.”

“You could have told us we—”

“That would defeat the purpose of a decoy. Get moving.” Kaz glanced at Wylan, who stood there cradling the rifle like an infant. “And make sure he gets to the ship in one piece.”

And if Kaz had told Jesper that the first Ferolind was a decoy, and he, by mistake, told the other teams about that, now they wouldn’t have had any ships to board so...Kaz was smart (as he usually is).

“Wylan nodded dumbly. His eyes were dazed and wide enough to drink from.”

Ok Jesper, I see what you’re doing. You might be in the middle of a fight but that doesn’t prevent you from noticing...things. Like how wide and drinkable your future BF’s eyes are, for example. 

“Not smart, Jesper thought. Do not turn your back on an angry Fjerdan. Helvar looked like he was seriously considering shooting her. Jesper lifted his revolver, prepared to bring the giant down. Then Helvar was standing next to Nina, aiming into the maze of crates beyond. Just like that they were fighting side by side. Had Kaz left Matthias bound with Nina deliberately? Jesper could never tell how much of what Kaz got away with was smarts and planning and how much was dumb luck.”

And you know what’s f*cked up? That in CK, Matthias never turned his back on Joran and the guy still shot him. So a Fjerdan (and a drüskelle) are deadly either way, even if he ends up being a teenager, like the one who kills Matthias later on. 

However, what I love is what Kaz later remarks on, and that’s that Matthias stinks of decency. Even having the perfect opportunity to end Nina right there and blame it on the gangs shooting at them (for example) or just owning up to it, he knows that there’s something bigger than them that needs taken care of and forgets his grudge to her to defend himself first. 

On a last point, I think Jesper nails it when he says that he doesn’t know if what Kaz gets away with is smarts or dumb luck, because I think not even Kaz knows sometimes. 

“Every one of his senses felt as if it was on fire. Definitely better than a winning streak at the tables.

He didn’t stop to rest. He hooked his bad leg in the rigging, ignoring the pain, checked the sight on his rifle, and began picking off anyone in range.”

You know what? I like how Matthias is very perceptive about the rest of the Crows. I remember when he mentions later on in SoC (or CK, I don’t remember) that there are several types of sicknesses and implies that Jesper’s “sickness” might just present itself differently than others. Because man, if you come alive when you just receive a bullet wound and might die at any second...I think something’s wrong with you. And of course that’s because not using his powers causes something in Grisha, and it’s not really his fault, but how he was brought up, but still. He’s clearly suffering from the effects. 

“Jesper!”

I’m going to kill that little idiot. “What do you want?” he shouted down.

“Close your eyes!”

“You can’t kiss me from down there, Wylan.”

Omg my man’s got rizz! He can even flirt when facing death. He and Nina could indeed flirt the entirety of Ketterdam into submission. 

Next up, we find out where Inej has been during the fight.

[averrse]

Part 2 of my SoC reread notes. Pages 46-165 of my edition.

(Note: I am sometimes lightly critical of Bardugo, and I have some Issues with Matthias, so fair warning! I keep it to a minimum, but sometimes these things come up.)

Inej could never be sure which stories about Kaz were true and which were rumors he’d planted to serve his own ends. For all she knew, he’d conned some poor honest trader out of his life savings to make the Crow Club thrive.

Breaks my heart a little bit that Inej thinks this, but I understand why, and I'm also sure Kaz would like that she can't be sure.

“Brick by brick,” he muttered to himself. They were the only words that kept his rage in check, that prevented him from striding through the Emerald’s garish gold-and-green doors, demanding a private audience with Rollins, and slitting his throat. Brick by brick. It was the promise that let him sleep at night, that drove him every day, that kept Jordie’s ghost at bay. Because a quick death was too good for Pekka Rollins.

God bless Kaz thinking of the colors of the Emerald Club being "garish" even in the middle of his revenge fantasy. He's such a snob in his weird way. But it's also interesting to me that he believes killing Pekka outright would not "keep Jordie's ghost at bay." I think in reality, it's more that having his revenge quest gives him purpose and keeps him from having to actually face his grief.

Kaz could see himself as he was then, walking the Stave with dazzled eyes, hand tucked into Jordie’s so he wouldn’t be swept away by the crowd. He hated the boys they’d been, two stupid pigeons waiting to be plucked.

One thing I've always liked about Kaz's characterization is that he's internalized this hatred of who he and Jordie were. While he feels the need for revenge against Pekka for taking advantage of them, he also feels that they deserved to be taken advantage of because they were naive. He has clearly taken the role of Pekka many times, taking advantage of 'pigeons'... yet he also hates Pekka for doing it.

“I’ve seen Suli tellers ply their trade in caravans and pleasure ships, Inej. They didn’t seem so very holy.” “They are pretenders. Making themselves clowns for you and your ilk.” “My ilk?” Kaz had laughed. She’d waved her hand in disgust. “Shevrati,” she’d said. “Know-nothings. They’re laughing at you behind those masks.” “Not at me, Inej. I’d never lay down good coin to be told my future by anyone—fraud or holy man.” “Fate has plans for us all, Kaz.” “Was it fate that took you from your family and stuck you in a pleasure house in Ketterdam? Or was it just very bad luck?” “I’m not sure yet,” she’d said coldly. In moments like that, he thought she might hate him.

God, this whole conversation. Holy microaggressions, Kaz. Like, yeah, bud, I'm sure you understand Inej's culture better than she does.

But there are some interesting character things here. Inej is lumping Kaz in with... basically what Kaz would call pigeons (which I think is why he got really fucking cruel about her family).

Also, Kaz doing shit that will obviously upset Inej, then thinking she probably hates him--which he doesn't seem to want but he does seem to want but not really. Therapy.

The peepholes were a feature of all the brothels. They were a way to keep employees safe and honest, and they offered a thrill to anyone who enjoyed watching others take their pleasure. Kaz had seen enough slum dwellers seeking satisfaction in dark corners and alleys that the allure was lost on him.

Hey, look, it's one of those passages that make me REALLY uncomfortable with Kaz being 17 in the book and this being marketed as young adult and I'm just going to stay in denial about it.

But, yeah. If I ignore that aspect, it is sorta telling about how he views physical contact outside of just the touch aversion.

“It’s just a question of leverage, Nina.” “You don’t know him.” “Don’t I? He’s a person like any other, driven by greed and pride and pain. You should understand that better than anyone.”

Greed and pride and pain. God bless Kaz for not knowing how any person could function differently than he does.

“And Kaz Brekker?” [Nina] “A liar, a thief, and utterly without conscience. But he’ll keep to any deal you strike with him.” [Inej]

I love how Inej talks about Kaz. It almost strikes me as her describing him as he'd want to be described.

“You were early, Jesper,” Kaz said as he nudged Matthias toward the boat. “I was on time.” “For you, that’s early. Next time you plan to impress me give me some warning.” “The animals are out, and I found you a boat. This is when a thank-you would be in order.” “Thank you, Jesper,” said Nina. “You’re very welcome, gorgeous. See, Kaz? That’s how the civilized folk do.”

Love Kaz being mad at Jesper for being on time. Love Kaz assuming him being on time is to impress him. Love Nina, like, in general.

Although on a more seriously note, I do wish Kaz would be nicer to Jesper. He's SO negative toward him all the time at this point in the book.

Matthias knew monsters, and one glance at Kaz Brekker had told him this was a creature who had spent too long in the dark—he’d brought something back with him when he’d crawled into the light. Matthias could sense it around him. [...] He’d heard Brekker’s name in prison, and the words associated with him—criminal prodigy, ruthless, amoral. They called him Dirtyhands because there was no sin he would not commit for the right price. And now this demon was talking about breaking into the Ice Court, about getting Matthias to commit treason.

This is interesting to me, because Matthias is pretty much only this negative about Nina and Kaz. To me, it really reflects how Matthias basically thinks anybody who has experienced marginalization or poverty is evil~ Also, his interpretation of the Dirtyhands nickname being tied to "sin" is... telling.

“I worry about everything, merchling. That’s why I’m still alive. And you can keep an eye on Jesper, too.”

Maybe two people who follow me will understand when I say this but... Why is this line almost word-for-word a line John Sheppard has said?

ANYWAY. Kaz worrying about everything. Kaz having plans on plans on plans. Kaz catastrophizing about everything as a matter of survival.

He saw a shadow pass over Inej’s face. She wouldn’t like being without her knives any more than he liked being without his cane.

!!! EQUATING HIS CANE WITH HER KNIVES !!! Especially since this is near the section where Inej thinks about how her knives make her feel like she's safer and has more agency in her life.

The sensation of skin on skin set off a riot of revulsion in Kaz’s head, but because he’d been anticipating the attack, he managed to control the sickness that overcame him.

We love accurate representation of what touch aversion is like~

“You can’t spend his money if you’re dead.” “I’ll acquire expensive habits in the afterlife.” “There’s a difference between confidence and arrogance.” He’d turned his back on her then, giving each of his gloves a sharp tug. “And when I want a sermon on that, I know who to come to. If you want out, just say so.” Her spine had straightened, her own pride rising to her defense. “Matthias isn’t the only irreplaceable member of this crew, Kaz. You need me.” “I need your skills, Inej. That’s not the same thing. You may be the best spider crawling around the Barrel, but you’re not the only one. You’d do well to remember it if you want to keep your share of the haul.” She hadn’t said a word, hadn’t wanted to show just how angry he’d made her, but she’d left his office and hadn’t said a thing to him since.

This has happened a couple of times already; Inej will say something that low-key hurts his pride or his feelings, and then he'll snap back at her in some way he doesn't really mean. I think he is particularly harsh to her at times because she is generally harder to warn off his sensitivities than the others. (Absolutely not an excuse, just an observation. He's fully in the wrong here and most of the time, lol.)

It’s just a place, she told herself. Just another house. How would Kaz see it? Where are the entrances and exits? How do the locks work? Which windows are unbarred? How many guards are posted, and which ones look alert? Just a house full of locks to pick, safes to crack, pigeons to dupe. And she was the predator now, not Heleen in her peacock feathers, not any man who walked these streets.

as;dlkfj i love that inej tries to see things through kaz's eyes to try to feel in control. I think this is why she understands him better than most people; that is EXACTLY the reason he thinks that way too.

[stevenrogered]

Amita: I remember my audition scene, and it was her speaking to Kaz about only taking down the bad guys and not the good guys, and how Kaz has questionable intentions. And I think in that moment, for her, she has this wonderful quality of seeing the good in life, and seeing the good in people.

[witchthewriter]

𝐁𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐆𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐚 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈𝐧𝐞𝐣 𝐆𝐡𝐚𝐟𝐚'𝐬 𝐬/𝐨 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞

⤷ gender neutral, ambiguous race, and any size reader. Requests are open, thank you for reading!  

a/n: I love Inej so much oh my gosh, so this was a tad self-indulgent...

ᴹᵃˢᵗᵉʳˡᶤˢᵗ      

SFW🌿

⭑ Inej has a lot of walls; she doesn’t like to show herself, nor her feelings. So your 5 interactions were just her ... being silent

⭑ And you knew she was aware of everyone in the room. Everything they did, their movements, their voices - hell even their breathing. 

⭑ From your own hypervigilance, you could see more than others. You noticed more. And Inej held your attention like no other

⭑ She was beautiful; well with what you could tell. Having seen parts of her face. Even the way she held herself was like no other. 

⭑ She noticed you too. But her attention was on your intentions; what did you want, why were you here and what did you intend on doing?

⭑ You were the one that first started a conversation ... well tried to. And you pursued Inej. Only because you wanted to better your life. To higher your station. You came from a lowly neighborhoodd, your family had died in an illness and you wanted to find a home. A safe one, with safe people and a steady income. 

⭑ It wasn’t until Helen had scouted you for the Menagerie, that Inej stepped in. She was quite cross with yo, until she learned of your reasoning. 

   “I have nowhere else to go!” You shouted, tears slipping from your eyes. 

“I- I know a place.” 

⭑ She took you to Kaz, and he gave you a barkeep job. And you weren’t that good at first (who is?) But over time you learned. Jesper seemed to take a liking to you. You had big emotions and were still learning how to understand them. Sometimes when you got too emotional ... things would happen. Unexplainable things. 

⭑ You stayed in one of the rooms above the club. Never making much noise, always being polite and never being late for work. 

⭑ You felt safe. Even if you were in a gang. Surrounded by criminals. You didn’t care - you had people. 

⭑ The relationship with Inej was grounded in friendship, trust and loyalty. She was your stable person; your rock. And you were someone new - a face that she was yet to open up to. But in time, she did. 

⭑ Kaz was distant and most of the time you thought he hated you. But Jesper said “he’s like that with everyone - and if he didn’t want you here ... well you wouldn’t be here.”

⭑ One day you were slumped at the bar, rag over your shoulder as you stared at your feet. The club had closed and no tenant was insight. But you felt like a burden, on everyone. Your thoughts were heavy and showed on your face. 

⭑ Inej noticed like she does with most things. And sat gracefully on the stool. 

     “I don’t think I’ve seen anyone this sad since Jesper lost his goat.” 

“Jesper lost a goat?” Your eyes found hers and a smile was already growing on your face. 

⭑ Inej liked your smile. And she liked being the reason for it. 

⭑ Her feelings slowly grew, but yours were already there. You loved being in her company. Her thoughts were so different from everyone around her. 

⭑ One night when the moon was full and high in the sky, you had kissed Inej. 

⭑ She didn’t speak to you for two days. But when she saw you, her lips found your own. 

⭑ As a significant other Inej is thoughtful and kind. She has a lot of love to give. 

⭑ She loves having a person. A safe person; someone she can go to for anything. 

⭑ You love giving her gifts, although she tells you not to spend your money on her. 

⭑ You two would share a room; and Inej doesn’t own many things but does love to create. She’s great at drawing and her desk is covered in sketches

⭑ You covered the walls with trinkets and maps. Showing Inej how big the world is. On tough days it helped you to know that there were millions of people out there. All living their lives.

⭑  You never touch her daggers; not because you’re afraid of what she would do. Absolutely not. But because you know how special they are to her. You’d only handle them with respect. 

⭑ She loves cuddling; although Inej isn’t big into PDA - she loves being close to you when you’re alone. 

⭑ You tell each other everything about yourselves; even if you can’t remember things, you’ll quietly whisper them as you walk past each other in the club, or out on the streets. 

⭑ You leave her favourite flower on her pillow, hidden in her boots, next to her daggers. You try to make her life more exciting in that way

⭑ Inej sees you as her hope. Her light in the darkness of Ketterdam. 

⭑ Jesper would tease the two of you, and he would be met with a firm slap on the arm.  

⭑ You hate Helen and do everything to stop yourself from killing her 

[yesimwriting]

Searing Starlight (chapter 3)

A/n I CANNOT believe how many people have supported this story,, I’m so excited to continue it with you guys :)) 

Just a reminder that while this is based off the show i hope to blend in some book aspects/vibes and this is just a fanfic and it won’t be completely accurate/follow the show 100% and any changes I make/parts I chose not to focus on are for the sake of the story I’m trying to tell 

-- 

I can’t tell if I wish Kaz had let me go with Inej or not. She’s faster than I am, and considering that I have no real reason to be loyal to them, I’m a flight risk. That means I’m stuck here with only the Kaz Brekker and Jesper, who I tricked. I hadn’t exactly befriended Inej entirely in the few minutes I was alone with her, but she seemed more trustworthy than them. More susceptible to reason. And when she heard where I was from, who was responsible for raising me, something in the way she watched me changed. It was the oddest combination--a look of both tired sympathy and cautious admiration.

“What I don’t understand…” Jesper breaks the silence. “Is why you all go back there. He lets you leave, he gives you money--there’s no reason to return.” 

I try not to let the question anger me. I shift awkwardly, scratching at my palm. “We tried leaving.” My stomach knots. “Once.” How do I make them understand? “He caught us because we young and stupid, and then he…” I exhale slowly. They’re just words. They don’t change anything. Whether I speak them or not, the events of my history aren’t different. “He picked the youngest, a girl only six months younger than me, and he slit her throat from ear to ear and took a finger of anyone that flinched as her blood splattered onto them. He said her blood was our penance and to live with knowing what we did to her would be our punishment.” 

I don’t tell them that I was twelve. I don’t tell them Anya lied about my birthday on the records. I don’t tell them I’m missing the very tip of my pinky--a small punishment for the twitch of my lip. “When Kenya is truly angry, he never hurts you--he hurts those around you.” No one responds to that. They’re making me seem like such a bummer. “It’s not awful all the time...he borders on agreeable when you listen to him.” 

Most days we have peace, left to our own devices as long as we accomplish certain goals. Their silence does little to unnerve me. After speaking so freely of such a nightmare, the desire to be rid of the taste of those words from my mouth is almost overwhelming, but I hold to the silence. 

“Why has he never sold you to the grisha that are so desperate for you?”

Of course Kaz Brekker would ask a question like that. “He isn’t the business of money, he’s in the business of creating gods. He indentures people he thinks could one day become saints or something else entirely. He wants to be owed by the heavens.” 

I watch Kaz carefully, a part of me curious about how someone like him could react to a goal like that. I can see him understanding the ambition of it all, but I can’t imagine himself a person of faith. Perhaps he’ll think it a clever trick. Perhaps he’ll even agree with Kenya.

He nods once; something I get nothing from. 

Whatever. He can be coy and distant this entire time. They all can. I’ll be out of here soon enough, and I’ll find Anya. And if I can stop something bad from happening to Alina then that’s a bonus I’m willing to take risks for. 

“That man is awful.” 

Inej’s voice comes from right behind me. I snap my head around. “You’re in here.” 

She nods once, oblivious to how shocking her sudden appearance is. She hands me a knapsack casually, staring at Kaz. “What’s the plan? We have six hours.” 

I look around the room, only seeing one closed window and one closed door. “There’s one door in this room.” 

“We take the Inferni to the ship.” He doesn’t even bother looking in my direction. 

Okay, they can be mean to be all they want but they can’t ignore me. I don’t think I’ve ever been ignored in my entire life. Gods in the making get attention. It may be the cruel attention of fate, but it’s something. 

“Did she come in through the window?” 

Again, I am ignored. 

“And then what, boss?” Jesper casually crosses the room, sitting down next to me on the small couch. It’s like I’m not even here. “We’d need to break into the Little Palace to get Alina.” 

What? “You guys are going to--” No. No. I am not kidnapping Alina. And there’s no way she’d be in the Little Palace. “First off--if you want to kidnap Alina Starkov for whatever insane ploy you’re all playing at, you’d never find her at Little Palace. She’s not a Grisha and second--” I cut myself off, standing from my seat. “Why am I even telling you this? I shouldn’t be helping you kidnap her.” 

Kaz’s eyes dart to me boredly. At least it’s some kind of acknowledgement of my existence. “I thought you two weren’t close.” 

I seriously consider scorching him. Just a little. Not even enough to scar him, just enough to get him to shut up. “She’s still a person who has a right to her body and what happens to it.” 

“Not that it’s any of your concern, but if we pull this off we get one million kruge.” 

What does he think I’m going to say? ‘Okay, well as long as you’re doing it for a good reason.’ Is that the response he expects. “Okay, well that makes it fair.” 

His eyes narrow skeptically, but Jesper is the one to ask, “Really?” 

“No,” I scoff, slumping back into my seat, “I was being sarcastic.” 

I drop my head back, neck craning over the back of the small couch. It isn’t exactly comfortable, but at least it makes it easier to ignore them. I’ve kept worse company for less. There’s an odd silence for a long second. I look forward without moving, I see Kaz vaguely gesture in Inej’s direction.

“Y/n,” Inej’s voice is refreshingly measured, “I think after the kinds of things we’ve gone through we understand that there’s some relativity in morality.” 

I shift my head to the right so I can look at her. “...Yes, but you’re just forcing another girl into a similar situation.” Why is Alina even worth so much? “And why would anyone pay so much for Alina?” 

Inej hesitates, glancing at Kaz and then back at me. “She’s a Sun Summoner.” 

On instinct, I straighten entirely, my body rigid. They’re insane. “You all are cracked if you think Alina’s a Sun Summoner.” No. No. It couldn’t be her. “Bless your hearts, seriously, she’s--she was trained to be a map maker--she’s not…” None of them relax, none of them shift in any way. What good would lying about this bring them? They have no reason to lie about this. “Saints, I should have had more to drink while downstairs.” 

So what if she’s a Sun Summoner? She didn’t ask to be one. She doesn’t deserve this. I cross my arms. “It doesn’t make this okay.” 

“And would it make it okay if you were getting a cut of the profit?” What? 

Kaz is looking at me in that tactful way. It takes all of my focus to not let myself become unnerved. “What?” 

“If I offered you a cut, would you be able to push aside more protests in order to make working with you easier?” 

Could I do it? Could I betray Alina? I drop my gaze away from his, opting to focus on the forgotten lantern on the coffee table in front of me. It flickers to life with no conscious prompting on my part. The flame is low and blue. Still though, Kaz notices it. What doesn’t he notice? 

“I can help you do what I agreed to.” I swallow around a lump in my throat, “But I cannot help you kidnap Alina.” 

The corner of his mouth tugs downwards. “We’re just going to get her to work with us.” 

“Work with you?” 

“We never said anything about taking her, and if Alina is really your friend you should know that the entire world is after her. Better us who can get her out of an unwanted situation quickly than the brutal General Kirigan who will hold her hostage until she does what he wants.” 

...I guess he has a point. “Oh.” I’m not naive enough to think that their methods will revolve around making Alina comfortable, but perhaps it’s not as dark as I assumed. “Maybe I was a little quick to assume…” I trail off awkwardly, looking at Inej for some type of reassurance. She avoids my gaze. 

I scratch the back of my arm, feeling like a spiraling child. I pick up my knapsack and place it on my lap, fiddling with the strap. 

“Come on,” Kaz stands, adjusting his grip on his cane, “We only have until sunrise.” 

As I stand, I pull down the skirt of my dress, suddenly aware of how inappropriate my clothing is for this late in the night. “Can--can I change first?” 

It’s a sheepish question, leaving me feeling like a child. 

“Five minutes,” Kaz offers, stepping out of the room with the rest of them. 

Inej leaves last, feet more silent than a cat. She offers me the tiniest hint of a smile. Despite my reservations, I beam at her. Something about me finds her politeness endearing despite it all. I think she closes the door loudly on purpose, to assure me of privacy. 

Normally changing in a building so full of drunk men would leave me nervous, but knowing Inej is outside leaves me feeling safe. I may not trust her with my life but something about her being tells me she values personal autonomy enough to protect it. 

I sift through the belongings Inej brought me. Clean underwear I try not think of her searching for, a thin white dress, comfortable pants, shorts, a few casual shirts, my red hood, and a nightgown. When I get to the bottom of the bag, and I see the personal belongings Inej smuggled back for me, I’m moved so powerfully my hand flies to my mouth on instinct. She had brought the folded up piece of paper with the only information I’ve been able to find about Kamil, the book I left on my nightstand, the small candle holder Alina had given me the day before I was taken away, the blade Mal had given me the day I left, the deck of playing cards Anya had first taught me to play with, and my mother’s necklace. The silver north star on a long chain. 

Before I can become too emotional, I take off the Crow’s Club T-shirt Inej had given me when I looked cold. I change into black pants, tucking the small blade Mal had given me into the pocket. The shirt I put on is pale blue, breaking the dark theme of everything around me. I fasten my red hood over my shoulders, basking in the familiar fabric. Lastly, I pull the north star necklace over my head, watching the blue orb with a black dot at its center blink at me in the light. I always found the stone at the pendant’s center odd. I'm quick to walk towards the door, nervous about what wasting their time could mean. 

“Let’s do this,” I sigh, pushing open the door. 

They all pause. Or maybe they were never moving. I try to imagine them interacting normally, but it’s hard to picture them as anything but intense and unflinching. There’s something odd about them, though, Jesper practically sulking and Kaz dropping his head despite Inej’s harsh stare.

“What kind of stone is in your necklace?” 

I swear to the Saints that if Kaz Brekker tries to steal it I’ll melt those leather gloves into his hands. “Try to take it and--” 

“That’s what I get for trying to make ‘polite conversation.’” He throws a look at Inej as he speaks the last two words. 

Wait--did Inej tell him to try to make polite conversation? Wait--more importantly, did he just kind of, almost say something that borders on casual? 

Wrinkling my nose, I let out a slight sigh. “Sorry.” 

His eyebrows draw together quizzically. “Did you just apologize for assuming I’d steal from you?” 

Great. Now I’m fully embarrassed. “Can we just go?” 

“Not before meeting me, I hope.” The stranger’s voice means nothing to me, but the others tense at it immediately. What? The man continues to walk forward, his steps too casual and confident for me to trust. The stranger is quick to respond to the question on my face, “Pekka Rollins.” 

--

Taglist: @ambrosia-v-black @fandomstuffff @boxofteenageideas @losers-club6 @cityofstaars @stillreadingfantasy @slatersbrekker  @xoxo-aclown @alzawas-plug @nuwanda-greaser @swearingsolemnly @-thatgirloverthere-

General Taglist: @theincredibledeadlyviper @grishaverse7

[heliads]

Heartbeats (Part Two)

Based on this request: “Jesper x reader where she was in the first army and grew up with mal and Alina, but then when stuff goes down in the fold she ends up in ketterdam (maybe she’s grisha too) and teams up with the crows but her and Jesper end up falling for each other?”

part one / masterlist

As much as you’d like to avoid it, though, the battle on the sand skiff rages on. In the end, despite all of your complaints about Kerch sharpshooters and their unusually quick wits, there’s nothing you can do about the present situation except fight your way out of it. You’ve been a soldier for a long time now, a tracker and a fighter through the First Army. This isn’t your first brawl, and it likely won’t be your last.

It is, however, your first one where you’re actively attacking the grotesque flying monsters known affectionately as volcra. There are also several Grisha on board, and despite your silent protests, you can hear your power almost calling out to them, as if it can recognize those of its own kind. You try to reel it back in, collect it and calm it and force it away, but in a life and death situation like this, your control is weak. If you used it now, you could probably save yourself. The only issue is that by revealing yourself, you might damn yourself to a worse fate than a quick death at the claws of a volcra.

So, you ignore the thrum of heartbeats echoing out around you, electing instead to fire your pistols again and again. You’re not the only shooter here- Jesper Fahey is at your back, the two of you surrounded by a cloud of smoke issuing from the barrels of your respective guns. You could almost fool yourself into thinking that you might make a good team. Clearly, the stress of the battle is getting to you.

Then, just when you’re sure that you’re going to make it out of here alive, you slip up. You took too long in taking down a volcra and forgot about the Darkling’s oprichniki guards still on board the ship. You sense them before you see them, and whip around to see one seconds away from shooting you full of bullets. Your own arm rises involuntarily, as if pulling the string of a marionette. The oprichnik’s body rises in turn, his face turning ashy as his heart is yanked apart under your watch.

The moment is over almost as quickly as it happens. The guard’s body slams to the ground beneath him, head lolling. He’s dead, no question of that. What have you done now? You quickly force your hand back to your side, pretending as if you’d shot the guard and nothing more. Alina and Mal are still busy with the Darkling on the other side of the skiff, so you think you’ve managed to keep your secret intact for a little longer. Saints, you’d sworn to yourself that you wouldn’t let this happen. Grisha are constantly on the run for their lives, and you can only imagine that it will get worse now that word of the Darkling’s treachery has come out. You can’t afford for this to happen.

When you look up, though, you’re met with a pair of eyes. Jesper Fahey watches you from his place a few paces away from you. There’s no doubt in your mind that he’s seen everything, that he knows exactly what you are. Strangely enough, though, he doesn’t seem angry or surprised or even afraid. Instead, he just looks understanding, like he knows exactly what you’re going through. He nods his head once, a sharp motion, then moves away again.

You try to redirect your attention back to the fight at hand, but your thoughts keep straying to that one moment over and over again. What will Jesper do with this information? He’s used to being a canal rat running the streets of the Barrel, where any piece of knowledge should be taken and sold to the highest bidder. There’s no doubt in your mind that he’ll tell somebody- why would he ever keep your secret? 

However, he gives you no suspicious looks, and when you and your friends finally make it out of the Shadow Fold and into the dim gray sunlight of the ruins of Novokribirsk, he simply walks over to stand with his own group once again. He doesn’t say a word to Alina or Mal or anyone else. 

Your stomach is still in knots over the potential of your secret being revealed, and you find that you can’t sit quietly, even when you’re exhausted from the fight on board the sand skiff. Instead, there’s a strange buzzing in your chest, as if you could run a hundred miles and never tire. It occurs to you that this might be because you finally used your Grisha abilities and didn’t keep them tied up for once. Regardless, you can’t be content with a place by Alina and Mal in the long and broken grass, so you stand up, walking to pace back and forth overlooking the ruins of the city.

To your surprise, you’re soon joined by Jesper. He walks with you for a few yards, then turns back to you. “Why do you keep the fact that you’re a Grisha a secret?” Your feet stall in place, and you quickly check around you to make sure that no one can hear the conversation. Alina and Mal are a ways away, so they probably won’t be able to tell what you’re saying, but you can never be too sure.

“It means I can stay with them. It means that my friends don’t look at me like I’m an enemy, one of the Darkling’s men. They don’t trust Heartrenders that well. I cannot have them think that of me.” Jesper nods, but doesn’t speak. You glance over at him. “Aren’t you going to do something? Make a joke about how I’m too afraid of my friends?” He shrugs. “You’re not the only one with secrets to keep.”

Before you can think more on this and what the seemingly open Jesper Fahey could possibly have to hide, he’s turning his attention back towards the ruins of Novokribirsk below you. At the sight of it, the wind drifting through clouds of smoke and dust, he whistles softly, the low note hanging in the silent air. “Are you looking for anyone down there?” You shake your head. “I have no one anywhere.” Jesper regards you for a moment longer, a strange look in his eyes, then turns and walks back to his Kerch friends without another word.

As you watch, he speaks to them in low voices. Although you cannot make out a single word, you swear that their gazes lock on you several times. Later, after everyone has had time to recover and start to think about moving forward, Jesper’s friend Kaz steps forward. “We’ll be heading back to Ketterdam soon. You should either run or find a place to hide. They’ll be looking for you soon enough.” Alina nods, giving Mal’s hand a comforting squeeze. “We plan on going to Novyi Zem.”

It hurts you a little, this quiet intimacy. They’ve clearly discussed this, although you weren’t in on their plans. You’ve known that it would be like this for a while, that the two of them would always need each other a little more than you. Truth be told, you’re largely alright with it, although it does sting a little to know that you will forever be on the outside of their happy pairing.

Kaz now turns to you. “If they’re going to Novyi Zem, where does that leave you? We have a position in our ranks, if you’re interested in taking it. You appear to have a skill set that we could use, and it would probably be best for your Sun Summoner if you split up into smaller groups.” You look between him and Jesper, who appears to be doing his best to remain nonchalant. Was this what they had been talking about- offering you a job?

Before you can talk yourself out of it, you step forward. “I’ll go with you to Ketterdam.” Alina stares at you. “Really?” You nod, clasping her hands. “I’ll miss you, Alina. You too, Mal. But he’s right- you too need your best chance at staying hidden from him if he comes looking. It’ll be safest if we split up. Besides,” you try for a laugh, “I’d probably get really bored in Novyi Zem anyways.” You might just be kidding yourself, but you swear that Jesper’s looking at you with an honest smile now.

This is how you end up boarding a ship to Kerch, how you end up saying goodbye to Alina and Mal with tearful hugs and farewell waves, how you end up staring with a smile at the cobblestoned streets and grimy alleys of Ketterdam. Jesper laughs at your awestruck expression. “It’s just the Barrel, darling, not the Grand Palace. No need to drop your jaw quite so low.” He dodges out of the way when you try to hit him, unfortunately. “Compared to the endless hills in Ravka, I’d say it’s pretty good.” If you didn’t know better, you’d swear that Jesper’s smile looks almost proud now.

Ketterdam is surprisingly good. Sure, you’re on the run for your life practically all of the time, whether it’s because of Kaz’s mad schemes or because some gang boss or another has decided that they’ve got it out for you, but you’d be lying to say that you didn’t do it all with a smile on your face. You might be risking your life all of the time, but at least you feel like you actually have a life to risk now, instead of just another place as just another tracker in the First Army.

You also spend a lot more time with Jesper. At first, you had rolled your eyes and questioned your Saints as to why they seemed determined to damn you with one of the most insufferable sharpshooters known to man, but in all honesty, he’s starting to grow on you. It’s just the way that the two of you get to have neverending competitions to see who can shoot the farthest and the best and the quickest, who can come up with the wittiest retort or steal the best object from a store in the least amount of time possible. It’s just that he seems to click with you in every way. Maybe a life as his rival was something you’ve been waiting on for a long time.

You keep waiting for the shoe to drop, for him to reveal to Kaz or Inej or any one of the numerous information seekers in the Barrel that you’re a Grisha. He never does, though. Instead, he waits for you late at night, when everyone else is asleep, and lets you practice your gifts on him. At first, you’re just monitoring his heart rate and trying to sense where he is in the room with your eyes closed, then you’re carefully adjusting his consciousness and the flow of his blood through his veins. It’s nothing major, certainly not enough to hurt him, but it’s practice nonetheless, and you always walk out of each session with a smile, skin practically glowing with exertion and the thrill of using your powers.

The first time he’d dropped by your room, offering such a thing, you’d practically laughed in his face. “Sure, you want me to Heartrend you. Aren’t you worried that I’m going to mess something up and kill you?” He’d just given you one of his textbook smirks. “If I was worried about you stopping my heart, love, it happened the first time I saw you. Plus, ‘Heartrend’ isn’t a verb.” You’d had no troubles with helping him into unconsciousness after that.

Now, when you sit across from him, both of you cross-legged on your bed with your hands on his wrist to sense his pulse, you can’t help but wonder why he’s there. Jesper, as if sensing that there’s some deliberation going on in the head of someone also trying their best not to kill him, tilts his head to the side questioningly. “What’s wrong?” You shrug. “Nothing. I just don’t know why you’re doing all of this. I mean, you could have turned me in at any point, but instead you’re here, letting me mess around with your heartbeat. Why go all this way?”

Jesper leans back against the wall, considering this. “You’re not the only one who wants to hide their Grisha heritage, Y/N. If one of us can have at least a little time to use their gifts, I’d want you to have it.” You can sense that there’s something in his words when he mentions his Grisha heritage, that even if he’s brought it up he doesn’t quite want to talk about it. So, you focus instead on the second part of what he’d said, the part about his attention to you.

“Why, though? What’s worth it about some orphan from Ravka?” He chuckles now. “Y/N, if I thought for a second you were just an orphan from Ravka, I’d pawn off my revolvers to the next person to walk through the door. Not everything has to be for an angle. Maybe I just wanted to spend time with you.” For a second, you almost think that your focus lessened, that you messed something up with your gifts. There’s no reason why his pulse would seem to jump as he said that, why his heart rate always seems to increase whenever he looks at you as he looks at you now.

You decide to take a chance. “I want to spend time with you too, Jesper. Even if I didn’t have Grisha abilities to hone.” His smile is genuine this time. “I’m glad to hear it.” Jesper’s hand slips slightly in yours, moving your fingers away from his wrist so he can link them around his. When he looks back at you, his eyes hold an unspoken question. You nod. An instant later, he’s kissing you, hand slipping from yours to guide you closer to him. You can’t seem to sense anything except an overwhelming rush that might be his heartbeat or yours or everyone in this entire Saintsforsaken city. To be honest, you’re fairly sure that you’d be fine with questioning it until the day your own pulse runs out.

grishaverse tag list: <3 @underc0vercryptid​, @darlinggbrekker, @cameronsails​, @aleksanderwh0r3​, @story-scribbler​

[in-my-feels-probably]

INEFFABLE - Kaz Brekker

Chapter Two

If you would like to read this on Wattpad, it’s on there as well, my @ is in_my_feels_probably and there’s a few visuals and better descriptions and stuff on there. otherwise, enjoy, let me know what you think, and you can check out my masterlist for updates and more. don’t forget to read the prologue, it’s important to the story!

INEFFABLE – Kaz Brekker

ineffable (adj.) too great to be expressed in words, utterly indescribable; too sacred to speak of. 

Chapter Two

An hour later, and the Crows were headed to Dreesen’s estate, a Heartrender in tow. If Pekka Rollins wasn’t already pissed off, he would be now, considering they took the only Heartrender available for the night. She was rather nice, well dressed and polite, not something often seen in the Barrel, but it was clear she was beginning to grind down Kaz’s patience.

“I really appreciate the new business, but you’ve only paid for an hour of my time, and I have to be back at the Orchid.”

“The Orchid isn’t safe tonight. Your life’s in danger with this job. Make yourself scarce for a few days afterwards.” Kaz continued walking, the Heartrender growing increasingly anxious.

“Mr. Brekker, really? Are you threatening me? Even if I’m nice, my boss will call the stadwatch on you.”

“It’s not me you’re in danger with, it’s Pekka Rollins.” Kaz had turned around and stopped to speak, nearing the gate to the estate.

“My boss would call the stadwatch on him as well.”

Elham laughed at that. “You really think if Rollins got to your boss that he’s still alive? Your boss is already dead, how naive can you be? I suggest you start paying attention, nobody’s going to be around to save you when the Barrel comes to swallow you up.”

They continued towards the gate, when a man yelled across the courtyard. “Who are you lot?”

Kaz stopped behind the gate. “We’re here to see Dreesen.”

“You’re not with Pekka’s crew.”

Elham pulled the counterfeit coin from the gambling tables earlier that night out of her pocket, tossing it to the guard. Kaz let the tiniest smirk set on his face, before speaking again. “And you’re not in Pekka’s pocket anymore if you don’t owe him.”

He gave Elham a slight nod, and they continued through the gate to the estate’s front entrance. Jesper sped up to catch up with Elham. “Hey, where did you get that coin?” She smirked, only to have it fall from her face, when the guard yelled across the courtyard once more.

“Hey! One of these has a hole in it!”

Shit. Elham put her hand on the back of Jesper’s jacket, pushing him along quicker, picking up her pace, nodding for the rest of the crew to follow. “Go! Go, go, go.”

“Saints, Elham!” Jesper let out a laugh, making a dash for the entrance.

“Just get inside!”

---

They were led through the house by a guard, all the way to Dreesen’s office. The guard opened the door, and Kaz stepped in first, Elham finding her spot next to him. Dreesen looked up from his desk and sighed. “One look and I can tell. Criminals. I’m not meeting anyone till midnight.”

Elham smirked at that. Criminals? Isn’t everyone in the Barrel a criminal? And is it that easy to tell?

Kaz seemed to hold in his usual look of annoyance. “We heard you needed a Heartrender.”

Dreesen stood from his desk, contemplating. “Hmm. Alright, she stays. The rest of you, out.”

The Heartrender smiled and started walking forward, only for Kaz’s cane to swiftly come up and block her from walking any further. Elham wondered if they had any idea who they were talking to. Kaz Brekker seems to always get what he wants, and this wasn’t going to be any different.

“She stays. And we have an exclusive on the job.”

“Mr. Brekker, no businessman worth his salt hires his first applicant.”

Elham was growing impatient. Barrel men. Not good men. She had had enough of Dreesen’s company, and she spoke up. “Mr. Dreesen, we understand your predicament. What would I possibly know about conducting a business? It goes right over my head. Of course, I would have to report you to the guild for kidnapping a prisoner. Seems a little bit like criminal business to me. And we would know, right? Doesn’t really seem like an ethical thing you did, does it?”

Her voice was laced with sarcasm, feigning innocence and naivety. She played with the hilt of her sword that was wrapped around her waist, acting as a belt. One of Dreesen’s guards pulled back his coat to reveal a pistol on his hip. She glanced back at Jesper, who smirked at her, revealing his pistols. She casually unsheathed her sword, flicking her wrist to extend it.

“So, Mr. Dreesen. How about that prisoner? I’m sure the guild would love to hear about it.” She said casually, wiping the end of her blade with her shirt, before wrapping it back around her waist and into place.

Dreesen seethed. “You wouldn't.”

Kaz spoke up this time. “It’s like you said. No businessman worth his salt bargains for what he can take.”

Dreesen hopped up from his desk, moving to stand directly in front of Kaz, staring him down. He glanced down at Elham, who’s gaze was piercing, almost as if she was challenging him. He let out a sigh. “Saint’s, Brekker. Chain up your attack dog before she gets herself in an unwanted position.”

Kaz’s jaw clenched at the threat, Elham suddenly standing rigid and alert. “My attack dog? You must be mistaken. That’s my Valkyrie. She doesn’t take very kindly to threats either.”

Dreesen’s eyes momentarily flashed with fear at the mention of the Valkyrie, a few guards even took a step back. The room was tense, and Elham’s hand had returned to the hilt of her sword.

The Heartrender broke the moment of silence, raising her hand. “Excuse me? I have to be back at the Orchid in an hour.”

Inej eyed the Heartrender, before turning her gaze to the staring match going on in front of her. Dreesen finally caved. “Alright, come on.”

Kaz let out a breath, eyeing Elham. She knew she was going to get a lecture for that little show she put on. Dreesen led them down to the basement of the estate, where the prisoner was tied to a chair, a bag over his head.

Kaz looked unimpressed. “Who’s this?”

“Oh, so you don’t know everything after all? This...is Alexei Stepanov.” He took the bag off the prisoner's head, revealing a young man, covered in cuts and bruises, hair and clothes disheveled. “Two weeks ago, young Alexei here, crossed through the Fold on foot. Alone.”

The Crows glanced around at each other. Inej stepped forward. “How?”

“They’re keeping it quiet, but allegedly, he was one of a few witnesses to...an event.”

Alexei was now eyeing the crows. “Water.” He croaked out. Inej glared at Dreesen, and moved to the pitcher on the table, pouring a glass, taking it over to Alexei and helping him drink.

“What kind of event?”

“I know an expedition was swarmed by volcra. Should’ve been a total loss. But something happened. Some device detonated. Obliterated the volcra, lit up the dark like a forest fire. I know it wasn’t a fire or else no one would have survived. This was some invention no one had seen before. He knows, but he doesn't seem to be able to articulate his account of events. Some form of traumatic lapse. So…”

Dreesen had gone and stood by the Heartrender, gesturing towards Alexei. Inej stepped out of the way as she approached Alexei, kneeling beside him and taking a hold of his wrist.

“You’re safe now.” She began lowering his pulse. “Now you can just speak, and I will just listen.”

Alexei’s hesitation was gone as he stared intently at the Heartrender. “All right.”

“Tell me what happened in the Fold. What saved you?”

“You won’t believe me, but...it was a Sun Summoner.”

Inej inhaled, gasping. Elham moved closer to her. She had never believed in Saints, never having a reason to. But a Sun Summoner, even she could have some belief in. She had to. With the Fold looming, and Baghra’s warnings to her about the General, she had to believe in something that would give her hope.

Dreesen put his glass down, kneeling in front of Alexei. “Who was it?”

“If I tell you, you’ll set me free?”

Elham’s heart broke for him. She knew any promise to freedom was a hollow one, that Alexei was a liability, they’d never let him go. She took a deep breath, swallowing her rage, before listening back in on the conversation.

“Her name is...Alina Starkov.”

“Good boy.” Dreesen stood up, walking back to one of his guards. “Show me the manifest.” He glanced over the papers handed to him. “Ah, perfect.”

“You’ll set me free now?” Alexei asked, still being comforted by the Heartrender.

“Thank you, of course.” Dreesen pulled a pistol from his waist, turning around, and lodging a bullet right in Alexei’s skull. The Heartrender screamed, jumping back, and Alexei’s body tipped back in the chair, falling to the ground. Blood seeped onto the floor.

Elham seethed, gripping Inej’s hand. Dreesen walked to stand over Alexei’s body, then turned to the Crows.

“Hmm. We are now the only people west of the Fold with this information. My ship sails for West Ravka at dawn. If you can prove that you have a way through the Fold and back, I’ll put you on that ship with an advance. If you don’t, I’m giving this job to Pekka Rollins.”

Kaz inhaled at the name. “Give me a day. I’ll have a plan.”

“You have until sunrise, then your ship will have sailed, Mr. Brekker. The prize is one million kruge. Now bring me Alina Starkov.” Dreesen headed back up the stairs, leaving the Crows standing there. They turned, facing Alexei’s body.

Elham turned, facing Kaz, getting his attention. “Well. Looks like we have quite the job to do. I vote we get out of this house before I walk up those stairs and lodge my sword in Dreesen’s back, and we get no kruge at all.”

Jesper let out a chuckle at that, turning to head up the stairs. “Ah, I love when the Valkyrie comes out. She scares the absolute hell out of me, but still, very entertaining.”

---

A/N - here's chapter two, i'm excited to get further into this story and make it more interesting than just setting out the beginning plot. i have a lot planned, and i'm very excited. thank you so much for the support, and feel free to comment or message with anything!

[anxiouspotatorants]

Whoopsy daisy I made a Shadow and Bone random thoughts post:

The costumes in this show are impeccable. I was drooling over all the keftas and the ball gowns in 1.05 and the crow outfits. Hell, even the winter-camo outfits that Mal, Mikhael and Dubrov wore in 1.04 were amazing.

Am I the only one who isn’t surprised by the kruge pronounciation? Because I thought it would sound like how English people say Scandinavian words and I wasn’t wrong.

Coming in to this show as someone who had only read the Six of Crows duology, I expected to at least tolerate Malina based on the trailer clips. I kid you not: less than five minutes into the very first episode they owned my ass. That might be a new record for me.

Seriously the friendship? The pining? The finding home in each other and being able to acknowledge their faults and apologize to each other? Both of them having massive “fight me” energy and protecting each other? Hugs?? Why am I surprised that I ship this?

Some of those scene transitions/flashback edits were so good! Like I know they repeated that meadow scene a lot throughout the season, but the cuts from kid-Mal looking at the rabbit to grown up Mal psyching himself up for the fist fight? Poetic cinema.

The Darkling was horrible and I love it. He wasn’t a carbon copy villain, nor did his complexity redeem him. He was a perfectly complex and understandable monster and I am living for it. I have not been so happy to despise a character in ages and I genuinely bow in gratitude to both the writers and Ben Barnes, because I finally got to enjoy watching a character I did not for one second root for ( #writevillainswellagain)

Look I already loved Jesper in the book but his on-screen translation elevated him from a fave to the fave. I was worried that they would push him into a comedic relief-role, but he got to keep both his heart, his depth, and his humour. Kit Young did an amazing job bringing what was already a great character on page to an even greater character on screen and I once again applaud.

Am I a bit bitter that the casting had some interesting choices for certain roles (aka hiring light skin and mid-size actors for explicitly darker skin and plus-size roles)? Kind of. Do I think there are important discussions worth having about this? Yup. Do I also think that every actor hired for Shadow and Bone did an amazing job and deserve zero hate and massive amounts of love? Also yes.

I had Alexei for one episode and one episode only, and I still miss that poor sucker. This show did a surprisingly good job with making me care about a massive amount of characters considering the screen time they had and the amount of episodes this season had. Good job.

For some reason I expected Inej to be a lot more brooding based on how I perceived her in the books but I love what Amita Suman did with her. Her translation completely recontextualised everything I remember from the books and just brought this truly fresh character to life. Assassin with a conscience indeed.

Also I did love the Kaz we got in this season but I can barely contain myself as I wait for season 2 to be made and for a certain flashback to take place because that moment in the book was visceral and it stayed with me for a long time and I knew before the show announcement that this flashback could become a television moment. 

Speaking of Kaz the crows were so chaotic and messy and I’m here for it. Their interactions with each other and their improvised back-up plans were everything. I somehow didn’t expect the crows to become the comedic relief of the season but it honestly makes so much sense.

A couple episodes in I still didn’t get the Zoya hype (remember I haven’t read the books) but was a massive Genya fan. By the end of the season I was like “oh both of these girls are getting redemption arcs and I am here for it”.

Speaking of redemption I still don’t like Matthias. I’m sorry but I just don’t. I get that he is important to many and that they like his relationship with Nina, but I just don’t have the patience for him and feel like Nina can do better. I still want him to get a redemption... but maybe not through a romance with the grisha woman he repeatedly slutshames, is bigoted towards and chokes at least once (twice if that SoC scene from book 1 happens). That being said this is just how I see him, so feel what ever you feel about him and ship to your heart’s content!

Alina’s journey through this season made complete sense to me. It hurt to see certain things, but they were necessary in my eyes. Seeing her go from this essentially insecure but brave girl to a manipulated pawn to an even stronger and more self reliant girl in spite of everything was amazing. It did feel like a well-written hero’s journey and I’m looking forward to seeing where she goes next.

Apparently a lot of book-readers don’t like Mal (and I am not here to change anyone’s mind about that) but the Mal I saw on the show was amazing. I actually kind of wish we had seen more of who he was outside of his relationship to Alina (f.ex. other flashbacks than the meadow, maybe something about any of his missions while separated from Alina pre-show), but I also loved what we got of him with Alina. We still got to see a guy who was brave, stubborn, flirtatious, a bit judgemental but with a strong sense of humour, and a lot of loyalty (to Alina but also to his friends). I can hardly wait to see what’s next for him.

Milo the goat. Where do I even begin. Not only did we get that Jesper-scene, but their farewell actually became a Chekhov’s gun for Mal in 1.07? Milo is the true hero of the season.

Speaking of 1.07 I loved the tent scene between Alina and the Darkling. She both got to be realistic about her feelings for the Darkling and stand up for herself and for others and call him out. The way I interpret the Darkling, he is the kind of villain who creates a saviour narrative around himself but cares more about power than anything else. He’ll say he’s doing everything to protect his people but is the first to kill the very people he claims to love. And Alina’s tent-speech really hammered that in for me.

I adore Baghra. Is she morally dubious? Yes. Was she incredibly mean to Alina during training to the point where it might have been excessive? Yes. Did she not take any of the Darkling’s bullshit and act as the proper mentor for Alina when the Darkling had said that he was going to train her? Yes. Am I kind of a Baghra stan now? I mean maybe.

The antler-collar was so evil and gross but from a visually narrative stand point it was perfect. 

Also I still have no idea who David is but I want redemption for him too. Honestly I feel like half the supporting cast is gearing up for redemption arcs next season and I am excited for most of them.

Nina’s reaction when she hears Kaz on the boat? Priceless. Actually the whole boat scene from when she goes up on deck again to the cut back to the fold was priceless.

That being said the final scene had me even more ready for season 2.

Jesper kind of gave me messy period-fantasy James Bond? Does that make sense?

And Mal kind of gave me Lois Lane energy? As in he’s the mortal love interest that many assume is the hero/heroine’s weakness but actually functions as their emotional strength and inspiration? Am I reaching here or am I getting somewhere?

Mikhael and Dubrov. What a duo. Absolute madlads.

Also I’d like to see more Nadia if that is possible? Because the few scenes we had of her had me intrigued but then she sort of disappeared? Is she going to be important or was she just more of a temporary supporting character? 

I entered this show a casual Six of Crows fan with mild interest in Kanej and I finished this season a mess. A mess who ships Kanej and Malina and Genya with that David guy even though they had about 30 seconds of screentime together and Zoya with redemption and Jesper with main-character status (hey we’re not getting Wylan until season 2 at least) and kind of those two Ravkan army guys and Nina with anyone else and Matthias with a better redemption storyline and the Darkling with karma! Also, a mess with a whole new set of comfort characters!

[haminflower]

recently finished the six of crows duology / trilogy(?) (i’m really late i know but shhh) and I can fully say that I’M OBSESSED.

the chemistry between every characters were undeniable and I love love love kaz and inej!!!

here are few quotes that has kept me up all night and I need to get it out,,

SIX OF CROWS: (e-book)

Kaz Brekker didn’t need a reason. (p26)

“who’d deny a poor cripple his cane?” “if the cripple is you, then any man with sense.” (p30)

“no mourners.” “no funerals.” (p33)

besides, she was the Wraith — the only law that applied to her was gravity, and some days she defied that, too.” (p33)

“i’m a businessman,” he’d told her. “no more, no less.” “you’re a thief, Kaz.” “isn’t that what i just said?” (p39)

but the night’s work wasn’t yet over, and the Wraith didn’t have time for traitors. (p55)

“when everyone knows you’re a monster, you needn’t waste time doing every monstrous thing.” (p61)

“greed is your god, Kaz.” he almost laughed at that. “no, Inej. greed bows to me. it is my servant and my lever.” (p62)

“men mock the gods until they need them, Kaz.” (p63)

“we’ll be kings and queens, Inej. kings and queens.” (p100)

“please, my darling Inej, treasure of my heart, won’t you do me the honour of acquiring me a new hat?” (p103)

brick by brick, i will destroy you. (p107)

Nina just liked to flirt with everything. he’d once seen her make eyes at a pair of shoes she fancied in a shop window. (p112)

“you may still die in the Dregs.” Inej’s dark eyes had glinted. “i may. but i’ll die on my feet with a knife in my hand.” (p132)

Matthias was dreaming again. dreaming of her. (p150)

her curls brushed his cheeks, and he felt that if he could just hold her a little longer, every wound, every hurt, every bad thing would melt away. (p150-151)

the heart is an arrow. it demands aim to land true. (p195)

many boys will bring you flowers. but someday you’ll meet a boy who will learn your favorite flower, your favorite song, your favorite sweet. and even if he is too poor to give you any of them, it won’t matter because he will have taken the time to know you as no one else does. only that boy earns your heart. (p196)

“close your eyes!” “you can’t kiss me from down there, Wylan.” (p211)

“talk to me, Wraith.” “you came back for me.” “i protect my investments.” (p220)

maybe Inej was right. maybe fate did bother with people like him. (p230)

he was the same Kaz — cold, rude, impossible— but beneath all that anger, she thought she’d seen something else, too. or maybe she was just a romantic. (p233)

“i loved your laugh, Nina. and your fierce warrior’s heart. i might have loved you, too.” (p251)

“fine. But if Pekka Rollins kills us all, i’m going to get Wylan’s ghost to teach my ghost how to play the flute just so that I can annoy the hell out of your ghost.” Brekker’s lips quirked. “i’ll just hire Matthias’ ghost to kick your ghost’s ass.” “my ghost won’t associate with your ghost,” (p259)

“he was afraid for you.” “Kaz isn’t afraid of anything.” “you should have seen his face when he brought you to me.” (p264)

“i know some people don’t understand, but Kaz told me… he said it was my choice, that he wouldn’t be the one to mark me again.” (p266)

“you’re too good for him, you know.” “i know. so are you.” (p282-283)

“you know i can do it, Kaz, and you know i’m not going to refuse. so why ask?” because i’ve been looking for an excuse to talk to you for two days. (p285)

“i’ll get us out. you know that.” tell me you know that. he needed her to say it. // he needed to know she believed in him. (p286-287)

“i don’t want your prayers,” he said. “what do you want, then?” // you, Inej. you. (p288)

“it’s not natural for women to fight.” “it’s not natural for someone to be as stupid as he is tall, and yet you stand.” (p322)

Kaz was right about one thing at least. she and Matthias had finally found something to agree on. (p358)

Inej felt like she and Kaz had become twin soldiers, marching on, pretending they were fine, hiding their wounds and bruises from the rest of the crew. (p360)

it was because she was listening so closely that she knew the exact moment when Kaz Brekker, Dirtyhands, the bastard of the Barrel and the deadliest boy in Ketterdam, fainted. (p382)

he hated that Inej had seen him this way, that anyone had, but on the heels of that thought came another: better it should be her. (p389-390)

“stop being dense. you’re cuter when you’re smart.” (p405)

“if it were a trick, i’d promise you safety. i'd offer you happiness. i don't know if that exists in the Barrel, but you’ll find none of it with me.” // better terrible truths than kind lies. (p433)

it was as if once Kaz had seen her, he’d understood how to keep seeing her. (p433)

“i feel sorry for you, Brekker. there is nothing sacred in your life.” there was a long pause, and then Kaz said, “you’re wrong.” (p482)

there was no part of him that was not broken, that had not healed wrong, and there was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken. (p561)

the harbour wind had lifted her dark hair, and for a moment Kaz was a boy again, sure that there was magic in this world. (p562)

she’d laughed, and if he could have bottled the sound and gotten drunk on it every night, he would have. it terrified him. (p562)

that she was lovely and brave and better than anything he deserved. that he was twisted, crooked, wrong, but not so broken that he couldn’t pull himself together into some semblance of a man for her. that without meaning to, he’d began to lean on her, to look for her, to need her near. he needed to thank her for his new hat. (p563) (this whole paragraph *sobs*)

“... i can hear the change in Kaz’s breathing when he looks at you.” “you… you can?” “it catches every time, like he’s never seen you before.” (p598)

Inej turned to go. Kaz seized her hand, keeping it on the railing. he didn’t look at her. “stay,” he said, his voice rough stone. “stay in Ketterdam. stay with me.” (p603)

he took a breath. “i want you to stay. i want you to… i want you.” (p603)

“i will have you without armor, Kaz Brekker. or i will not have you at all.” (p604)

speak, she begged silently. give me a reason to stay. for all his selfishness and cruelty, Kaz was still the boy who had saved her. she wanted to believe he was worth saving, too. (p604)

“stay,” she panted. tears leaked from her eyes. “stay till the end.” “and after,” he said. “and always.” // “Nina,” he whispered, “little red bird. don’t go.” (p607)

Kaz knew the instant he made his mistake. they’d all known it might come to this. he should have trusted his crew. his eyes should have stayed trained on Van Eck. instead, in that moment of threat, when he should have thought only of the fight, he looked at Inej. // Inej can fend for herself. she’s a pawn, not the prize. but he was already turning, already sprinting to get to her as the Grisha attacked. (p627)

i’m going to get my money, Kaz vowed. and i’m going to get my girl. Inej could never be his, not really, but he would find a way to give her the freedom he’d promised her so long ago. (p635)

[draggingthedregs]

Hello! Absolutely adored your protective Kanej fic, especially how you managed to make it meet the middle ground in a dignified manner. I was wondering if you could do the same with the topic of jealousy? Would you be willing to write a fic about Jesper's feelings for Kaz, and his pov on Kanej falling in love, with a healthy dose of jealousy? Maybe a bit where he and Inej bond over their feelings for Kaz? Totally understand if you don't want to, but thank you either way!

a/n: ah! thank you so much! i’m so glad you enjoyed that lil fic!! i also really loved your ask and was really excited to write it. i’m actually on vacation right now and didn’t bring a laptop so i hope you don’t mind that it’s in the headcannon type structure (i did get slightly carried away but what’s new)! so yeah! here ya go <3

Inej had been gone for nearly a month, her first voyage on The Wraith proving to be a success

And all of Ketterdam felt her absence in the darkening shadow of gloom that followed Kaz Brekker.

The Dregs were careful to keep every toe in line, for fear they would find a cane breaking the bone. Even Jesper managed to tone down his charm

Though he wasn’t sure if Kaz’s anger was the whole reason.

When she’d left, they had all gone to the dock to see her off

Jesper slung his arm around her shoulder, pulled her tight, and made her laugh with one last terrible joke

Then he watched as Kaz said goodbye, in whatever twisted way he was capable. It didn’t sit right with him.

The way Kaz spoke to her, how he held her hand, hell- how he looked at her. As if it were the first and last time he was seeing her.

Jes watched until he couldn’t any longer. Something had balled up inside him, manifesting itself in his pounding chest and heated cheeks

He recognized the feeling

It was the feeling of someone else winning at Makkers Wheel, of watching someone make Wylan laugh, of his revolvers in anyone else’s hands.

it was the feeling of jealousy

It warmed his skin and froze his bones. He hated himself for it.

It wasn’t as if he loved Kaz the way she did, wanted him the way she did. But you’ve been here longer, saved his life just as many times.

Then she was gone, disappearing into the sea like she’d always been good at. And a dullness settled in Kaz’s eyes as he headed back to his city.

Now, as they all approached the dock once more to welcome her home, Jes felt anxiety flipping in his stomach

Wylan must have noticed, taking one of the hands that he’d begun to tap along his thigh

The dock was crowded, a mess of ships coming and going, and still they knew which ship was hers as it sailed smoothly into her berth

And through the thick, bustling crowd they knew their Wraith by silhouette alone. Her grin was wide, her hair down and curling in the salty air.

Jesper laughed, his anxiety forgotten, as he grabbed her and lifted her off the ground

“Is it possible you got smaller out there?”

Inej laughed now. “Is it possible you’ve gotten taller?”

“Just prettier. But I see how that would be confusing.”

He let her go and Wylan reached for a hug. As they spoke, he became aware of a dark spot ebbing into view

And so did Inej.

She looked up to him, taking a deep breath as she scanned him in his entirety

When Jes followed her gaze, he could see that Kaz was doing the same to her

Then, Kaz reached a single hand out, every inch deliberate. She watched him with careful eyes until he gave a single nod.

Jesper was sure he didn’t make up the near desperation on her face as she rushed toward him for an embrace.

His hands wrapped around her frame slowly, pulling her closer and tighter to him. There was a hitch in his breathing and Inej looked up at him, but Kaz didn’t pull away.

As he watched, he could feel the ball of jealousy rattling once more

Wylan cleared his throat, “All of your things you left at the house are still there. You’re both more than welcome to eat with us tonight.”

Then he tugged at Jespers hand and off they went. He had turned back once to see that the pair separated, but the intensity on both their faces remained

What are you even jealous of? She deserves to be happy. That’s all that should matter to you.

It was dark by the time Inej snuck inside the Van Eck mansion. She approached the sitting room from behind, nearly scaring them to death

“Hope i’m not too late?”

After Wylan recovered from his heart attack, “Of course not.”

Jesper mustered a nod, unable to shake his feelings this time

Inej came around and sat in an open chair

And suddenly Wylan was up. He squeezed Jes’ hand and gave him a small smile. “I’ll just be in the kitchen cleaning up.”

Of course he noticed. My merchling has decided to be observant.

The two of them left sat silently for a bit, letting the crackling fire fill the air, then, “I missed you... I missed being here.”

Her eyes were already on him when he looked up. Inej gave him the barest smile and shrug.

“Well- I’m impossible not to miss.”

She laughed, pulling her legs up underneath her. “Fair enough. How was it here while I was gone?”

Jes let out a scoff. “Kaz didn’t tell you anything?”

“Not about Ketterdam, no.”

“Well it’s been shitty. He’s been worse than usual, if that’s even possible.”

He could see the look on her face as she registered that he was upset. Inej turned to the fire then.

“You know-“ He immediately regretted it. “I couldn’t begin to guess what he has over you but he isn’t worth it, Wraith.”

“Jesper. You’re being mean”

“To who? Him?”

She turned to face him now, her face severe. “To me.”

It was then that he crumpled.

Jesper fell inward, elbows on his knees, face in his hands. “I’m sorry- I just-“

You just what? What could you say to dig yourself out of this? Why do you even feel like this?

Then she was beside him, taking his hand.

“Jes, what is it?”

Even if he’d wanted to, he couldn’t lie to her. And he couldn’t control what he said next.

“You’re too good for him- we all are! And- and yet we all just go along with it all! For what? It’s not like we get anything back, he doesn’t even-“

“Care?”

Jesper looked up at her again.

“Look- I know how he is. He’s cold and frustrating and nearly impossible. But he’s also loyal and fierce and he would do anything for his crows. I think that’s what we all stick around for.”

“Is that enough?”

He could see her turning his question over in her mind.

“I wasn’t always sure but- I believe so. And if it isn’t, then we’ll revisit this conversation. Surely you can see that things are changing.”

Despite his anger or jealousy or frustration, Jesper couldn’t ignore that she was right. When isn’t she?

Kaz was changing. Between Per Haskell and Pekka Rollins, Inej leaving and becoming a barrel boss, he was different.

“Call me crazy. Call me too optimistic or pious for my own good, but there is something in him. Even if it’s buried deep.”

Jesper interrupted, “Very, very, very deep.”

Inej laughed. “I know.”

“I just want something in return sometimes. It feels like running on water and getting nowhere. The rest of us- that’s friendship, but him-“

“It isn’t the same. I understand that. Though he does feel something for you... something deeper than friendship I believe.”

He thought back to the clocktower of the Geldrenner, to the intensity in Kaz’s eyes. What do you think my forgiveness looks like, Jordie?

He nodded, supposing he wouldn’t start doubting Inej today.

“You aren’t alone, Jes. I know how you feel...”

That, he hadn’t even considered. Of course she knew how this felt, probably better than anyone.

“How do you do it, Inej? How do you love him?”

To his surprise, the Wraith smiled. “I love Kaz as he is, in every way. Not the boy he was or the man he could have been, but who he is right now. Ketterdam needs him like this just as much as it needs you and me as we are.”

Jesper hadn’t known Kaz before he had become the Bastard of the Barrel and he’d always had a difficult time placing him as a child. He couldn’t picture a young Kaz, coffee eyes and black hair glinting in the setting sun as his little legs carried him home.

But he figured Inej could. She always saw the big picture, the city from above instead of a single grimy street.

“How long will you be in Ketterdam?”

She shrugged. “As long as I’m needed here and not somewhere else.”

“Waffles in the morning then. On me.”

Inej laughed. “Jesper paying for breakfast? Things really have changed.”

It felt like a weight lifted off him as he laughed with her. “Dont get used to it.”

They stood, hugging for a brief moment.

“Goodnight, Jes.”

Then, he watched as she melted into the steady shadows with ease, as though she had never missed an evening in the mansion.

[mysoftboybensolo]

OMG! I just finished reading your reply to another anonymous reader and I want to know what you also think about Laszlo and women.When I first watched the series I thought Laszlo liked Sara, that he was attracted to her. I think that was also due to Mary's low involvement. At first I was like, "Okay, Laszlo likes brave women like Sara." (1/3)

Although when I understood that he liked Mary I was like: "Awww they are so cute together. I love them." But then in the second season I didn't know how to feel about Karen's character because I felt like it was literally watching a female version of Laszlo. (2/2)

I don't know it was weird and more than an attraction I think it was more like when you have a friend who shares the same interests as you, then you feel comfortable with that person because you can explain your craziest ideas and that person understands you and shares your enthusiasm, then you have a platonic love for that person, an idealized love and nothing more. (3/3)

Hello other anon, I am so glad you liked my previous ask. I definitely agree with you about Karen and Laszlo. They both are so similar that it felt a little weird for it to become a romantic relationship, and you honestly described it the best way, those two weirdos who share a common interest and are good friends because neither will judge the other. I wasn't too pleased with season 2's ending because it felt like it came out of nowhere, but that is also from the book. I haven't read the book to know if it is better fleshed out there, but still, it felt a little like, let's get Laszlo with someone. Karen is a good character, I don't hate her, it's just weird to see her and Laszlo be romantic with one another.

I think he liked Sara because while they were similar they were also different, they both had traumatic events dealing with their fathers and are eager to assert dominance, but unlike Laszlo, Sara understands what lines are too far and doesn't have trouble reaching people emotionally the way he does. In my opinion, if he was not going to end up with Mary and Sara not with John, I would have been happy to see Laszlo and Sara end up together, because they shared a good strong respect for one another, a platonic love that could perhaps grow more. It makes more sense to me than Karen x Laszlo.

Mary for me is my number one choice for Laszlo because, even more so than Sara, Mary is both Laszlo's counterpart as well as equal. They both had terrible childhoods, abused in a way that is downright cruel, have trouble opening up to other except to each other (a trope that I adore to be honest), and yet, while he still dwells on the past and lets it effect his future, she was able to fight back and not allow the past to control her. Laszlo often feels humbled in her presence while Mary feels empowered with him. They balanced each other out emotionally which makes them equals, despite social class and whatnot.

It really sucks that in both book and series Mary was killed off because she really was one of the rare few who saw his vulnerability and never took advantage of it, but also to still accept him and care for him. And in turn, Mary was someone that Laszlo had been willing to open himself to, I mean, that scene when they eat dinner together and he reaches for her, you can tell it took a lot of courage for him to do so and I doubt he ever tried to do so with anyone else before.

For me, Laszlo and Mary somewhat resemble what Kaz and Inej are from the Six of Crows Duology, two broken people learning to push through their traumas and find healing through each other. And they were so close, that's what makes it so damn heartbreaking for me, they were so happy, they deserved to be happy and it was taken away, why, I don't know, but it was so unfair. They deserved to be loved, after everything, they deserved that.

Thank you for your responses, anon. I enjoyed reading your responses and I hope you will enjoy mine. Take care!

[serendipitystation]

Holding Hands - a Kanej fanfic

Read it here, too: AO3

Summary: Several times that Inej and Kaz hold hands and what follows. Slow-burn, oneshot.

Length: Short

A/N:  Writing for these two is difficult, but that's a testament to Leigh Bardugo's wonderfully complex writing more than anything. Cheers, friends :)

i.

The first time that Kaz and Inej hold hands, they stand together looking down at the ship that will take them far apart from one another. To Inej, it is a miracle, a blessing; to Kaz, it is a gift, a tool for good in hands cleaner than his own. They both understand how their paths are destined to diverge, but there is no peace needing to be made with this. Divergence calls to reunion as light calls to dark. Their souls have been in close quarters long enough that a few thousand miles won't shatter their bond. As they watch a boat unload its newcomers to the city, they feel a joy that only the knowledge of better days can create. The darkness will return, but not today. Today is for joy and reunions and the most shockingly pleasant smile that Inej has ever seen on the face of the lord of the crows. Her happiness knows no end. Any prick of pain in Kaz's soul is easily ignored.

ii.

The second time that Kaz and Inej hold hands, Jesper and Wylan are singing the absolute worst song either of them have ever heard. While Specht helps Inej hire a crew for her ship, she and her parents are staying at the Van Eck home at Wylan's insistence. In the moments during which she leaves her parents' sides, Inej watches Wylan graviate towards the warmth of her father's countenance and Jesper flirt in shameless jest with her mother (he backs off slightly when Inej threatens to revoke his skillet bread priviledges). Kaz is the lone statue in the waving grass- he is cordial and as friendly as he's ever been, which doesn't say much, but he keeps a slight distance. One night, after dinner has been devoured, Wylan picks out a folk tune and sings lightly, while Jesper accompanies him with the most off-key harmonies to be heard any side of Ketterdam. As Inej feels Kaz's discomfort like a fog seeping across the floor, she melts into the shadows of a hallway just slow enough for Kaz to catch on. Under the nearly-dark sky of the back garden, they sit on a bench and watch the stars wink to life. Inej gently eases the glove off Kaz's right hand, feeling him tense up and relax with a slow shudder as the glove comes free. As the discordant sounds of their friends float in the cool air, Inej traces the creases of Kaz's hands and Kaz wills himself to not react, to keep his head above water, to let desire overrule history. Each time they touch, he gets better at floating.

iii.

The third time that Kaz and Inej hold hands, Kaz watches Inej giving orders aboard her ship as they prepare for their maiden voyage. She takes to the role of captain like a fish in water, the surety in her actions a strength she will need as she meets the unyielding sea. If she seems green at all for a captain, her crew know better than to question her due to her reputation as the Wraith, if not for her knives. Kaz can see her in his mind's eye, acting as justice's henchwoman among the waves, a puzzle piece that fits perfectly into its surroundings and completes them. He respects her abilities as much as he loves her. Loves. Kaz's mind has used the word before, yet using it now feels like a revelation. If any god were to call out from the heavens and announce him a Grisha, it would be less discordant to Kaz's nature than love in any form. Still, Kaz knows better than to deny the truth. He loves Inej and, in a few days, he will watch her sail away. When Inej comes to stand beside him, a look of satisfaction on her face, Kaz shakily slips his hand into hers. As he does so, Kaz swears she begins to smile.

iv.

The fourth time that Kaz and Inej hold hands, they are saying goodbye. Kaz doesn't do goodbyes- sentimentality shows weakness and he's long vowed to never look weak again. For Inej, however, he makes an exception, at least in private. In the mist of the morning of the launch, he slips onboard the Wraith and down the bustling deck to the quarters below. When he walks into the captains' quarters, Inej doesn't turn her head- she knows he's there; she could hear his lopsided gait all the way down the hall outside. They trade pleasantries about the ship, the voyage, everything but the inevitable goodbye to be faced. It is Inej who breaks gracefully; as Kaz prepares to leave, she walks up to him until they are but inches apart, takes both his hands, and reassures him that she will return. She can see the ice of his eyes melt and lets him thaw. Inej has known that she loves him for some time- unlike Kaz, her trauma isn't rooted in betrayal and she never feared the vulnerability of caring. Her love is a candle that she chooses to let burn, even as she acknowledges that love and destiny are not one and the same. As Kaz bends towards Inej, his forehead touching hers as light as a feather, the candle's flame grows stronger.

vi.

The sixth time that Kaz and Inej hold hands, Kaz's fingers trace a scar on Inej's arm. They sit in Kaz's office in the Slat, where prying eyes can make no assumptions about anything. Inej spent five months at sea before returning to Ketterdam, a length of time that ticked by at a glacial pace on Kaz's end. After regaling Jesper and Wylan with tales of her exploits upon her return, Inej had stolen away to the quiet safety of the Slat where the company was quieter. As Inej answers Kaz's questions with the patience, she adjusts the buttons at her wrists, revealing a flash of ropy skin on one arm. With a frown that stretches into shadows, Kaz reaches out to gently slide up Inej's sleeve, bringing into light the full fresh scar that zigzags up her arm. Kaz's face settles into its familiar scheming expression as the red of rage clouds his vision. Only Inej's voice, the featherlight sweep of her finger across his creased brow, and the shiver that travels his limbs like lightning bring him back to reality. As he wills the anger to subside, he reviews what he knows to be true; Inej is capable, strong, and not needing to be saved. She's no longer his investment- she's here because she chose him. Why his ego is so unperturbed by it all, he doesn't really know. Until Inej speaks up, Kaz doesn't realize that he's smiling.

viii.

The eighth time that Kaz and Inej hold hands, the ghosts that frequent Kaz's room watch them. Night has long fallen over Ketterdam and the prospect of Inej embarking on her next voyage looms over Inej. Her desire for life has not changed, nor has her mission, though it hurts to leave. Tonight, Inej has lingered far past the setting of the sun in Kaz's company. Getting back to her ship would be no problem- captain or Wraith, she walks the streets free of fear- but she doesn't particularly want to leave. As Kaz removes his waistcoat in his bathroom, Inej lays back on his bed and watches him. Out of the corner of his eye, Kaz catches her gaze and sarcastically offers to share the bed. What he doesn't expect is for her to strip down to her vest and pants tuck herself in. When Kaz puts out the lights and slides into the bed that barely fits them both, there's a strange weight that settles in their chests. They stay apart, both unsure. Then Kaz slips his hands into Inej's and the weight lifts and it feels like the world has fallen into place. They watch the dim light of the city carve through the shadows on the ceiling and, as they fall asleep to each other's breathing, the ghosts take the night off.

xii.

The twelfth time that Kaz and Inej hold hands, their faces are grim in the coal-streaked dawn. The hour for casting off from the harbour approaches the Wraith too fast for anyone's liking, but especially for Kaz. Caring is a weary task and a luxury that shadows can't afford, even as his soul becomes more intertwined with the captain whose knives protect a heart he longs to hear beat next to his. In the light of day and surrounded by the waking city, Kaz looks the part of Dirtyhands, all sharp lines and sharper glances. Inej knows that the persona is just that- a front crafted with years of practice, however jaded and survivalist he has become. She can see his mortality in the tells only she knows- the set of his mouth, the crag of his brow, the care with which he watches the crew. She doesn't need to hide anything, not like he does, but no smile graces her lips all the same. When it comes time to cast off, Inej holds Kaz's palms in hers and takes a piece of his heart. Kaz wasn't sure he had one to give away. As he watches the Wraith disappear on the endless gray horizon, he feels the painful pull of it moving farther away. He'll never get used to the sensation.

xiii.

The thirteen time that Kaz and Inej hold hands, it's a bright afternoon. The sea air wends its way through the streets of Ketterdam close to the harbour, stray gulls slicing through the air of the nearby alleyways. Kaz doesn't pass the docks on his way across the city; he rarely needs to these days. With his shares in Fifth Harbour long gone and the sea busy only with the usual flurry of trading ships, there's no reason to visit. If he wishes he had cause to do so, he tells no one. Only Inej would know otherwise, were she present- secrets can't hide from her.

When Kaz makes it to the Slat, it's quiet, as most afternoons find it. The crew are out and about on their assignments, as they should be, even though a few stray folk keep the din of the house to a reasonable level. Kaz walks into his office, fully prepared for a day of reviewing the week's profits, but he knows that the day will prove eternally better the moment he walks in. He can feel Inej's presence before he sees her sitting behind his desk. Inej won't tell him that she bribed Anika to keep the news of her arrival away, nor does she need to mention that she took the rooftops to reach the Slat- he'll already have figured it out. He doesn't need to say he missed her- she can tell from his face and the way he comes around the desk and intertwines his fingers with hers, all while telling her to take her boots off his desk. Neither of them need to say anything. They both know they're where they belong- together.

[manikas-whims]

Troublesome New Girl

Sequel to A Place Good Enough

[Read on AO3]

Characters: Inej Ghafa, Jesper Fahey, Kaz Brekker

Summary: Inej has newly joined the Dregs. She goes to return Kaz's coat in the presence of many members. *cue the teasing & jokes*

Jesper meets Inej & evidences of Jesper's crush on Kaz (tiny bit of angst).

Kaz is his usual self & sets an example. A violent one :)

Note:

I just noticed this complete written fic has been sitting in my drafts for a month now. I'm so dumb 〒_〒

PLEASE DO READ THE PREVIOUS PART IN THIS SERIES TO UNDERTAND THIS SEQUEL.

Hope you guys enjoy!

Inej

The constant noise of banging against wood rouses Inej from her sleep. She looks around haphazardly only to find herself lying on a cot in an unknown room, her torso covered by a grey coat. Sun's rays blind her eyes momentarily as she turns her face, an open window staring back at her, not the daunting walls of the Menagerie. Memories of the previous night flood back and her shoulders deflate in relief. She takes a long breath to calm her rapidly beating heart. She doesn't need to endure Heleen's beatings or sell her body anymore. She is free of that life. Free.

“Oi new girl!” a voice calls, followed by more knocking at the wooden door to her small room. “Brekker told me to bring you some clothes. I’m leaving a pair out here.”

Right! Kaz Brekker had promised her better clothes. She leaves the comfort of the cot but by the time she unlocks the door to thank whoever was on the other end, the person is gone. She catches a short glimpse of a feminine figure with blond hair at the stairs and vows to thank her later. Picking up the clothes, she closes the door.

Jesper

When Jesper had heard his fellow Dregs gossiping about Dirtyhands bringing back a girl with him late at night, he hadn’t given it much thought. He had ignored Anika when she had said that she was literally asked by Kaz himself to provide the said girl with some clothes. In fact, he had completely shooed away anyone who came up to fill his ears with rumors about this unknown Suli girl and the bastard of the barrel. So when a small, bronze-skinned girl bumps into him on the third floor of the Slat, he's stunned.

"Ohhh—", The girl waves her hands frantically, her pupils dilating in concern, "I'm sorry."

But Jesper doesn't bother with apologies for he's too busy appraising her. Now she does match the rumored descriptions and is even donning Anika's lame clothes. But what actually piques his interest is a neatly-folded coat in the deepest shade of grey held between her dainty hands. He doesn’t need to think long to guess who it belongs to. There’s only one person who doesn’t indulge in the colorful fashion sense of the barrel— Kaz “Dirtyhands” Brekker.

He feels his insides fuming. But no way is he going to act like an idiot and jump to conclusions. Just because here's a girl he’s never seen before and she happens to have a coat, doesn’t mean that every single narrative he's heard about this whole situation is true.

He narrows his eyes in what he assumes is his best look of suspicion as he towers over the girl. “Where did you get that?”

"Um", she looks down at the piece of clothing and mumbles in the most innocent tone, "Mr. Brekker lent it to me."

Mr. Brekker!? The hell kinda way is this to address a man you slept with? Or whatever the heck it is that Dirtyhands prefers to do with girls..

"Why?" he asks. From Jesper's experiences, the young lieutenant of the Dregs isn't big on kindness. "Why did he lend it you?"

The girl's brows narrow in thought. It seems she herself is unsure of the reason. Her left palm clutches her right forearm in apprehension. "I guess..because I wasn't in a very decent attire."

Alarms go off in Jesper's head again. What exactly happened between her and Kaz? His heart needs answers yet he knows that its none of his business so he suppresses the unease welling in his belly.

"Well Kaz is up there." He gestures in the direction of the attic. "I'm headed there right now so I can give it to him."

The girl frowns. "I can't let a stranger do that for me. Besides," she twirls a strand of her hair, her eyes alight with some indescribable emotion, "I must properly thank him myself."

Jesper is familiar with this look. It mirrors his own when he was still a newbie at the Dregs and wanted to prove himself, wanted to repay Kaz for saving his ass. And not just by helping him pluck stupid pigeons but also by adding extra sums of profits to his ledger. Jesper can empathize with her on this.

"He saved you too," The Zemeni asks carefully, "didn't he?"

She stares at him, gauging the understanding in his expression and simply nods.

He rubs the side of his neck awkwardly. "Well, wanna go up together?"

Her eyes widen and she involuntarily takes a few steps back. Distrust. Fear. He can empathize with this action as well. In the barrel, it'd be foolish to believe a complete stranger within few moments of the first encounter.

"Then," he smiles the smile that many have called charming and starts his ascend upstairs. He only looks back once to wink at her, hoping it'll quell her anxious mind a bit, "follow my lead?"

"I can do that." she mumbles, more to assure herself and takes the first step of many that will become the foundation to their sibling-like friendship.

Kaz

When it comes to change, development and fresh ideas, Per Haskell always cowers and dismisses the topic. People like that will never achieve anything if they aren't willing to take risks. The restoration of that abandoned fifth harbour would already be in motion if Kaz hadn't chosen to waste another of his precious mornings trying to convince his boss that investing in it may prove fruitful to the Dregs. And so, after a pointless argument he had had earlier with the old man, he's decided to take matters into his own hands.

Huffing audibly, he continues explaining every member present in his room their respective job for the day. The boisterous throng huddled around him, begins dispersing all of a sudden. Curiously, Kaz looks up to find his faitful right-hand man Jesper Fahey walking in, a mischievous glint in his silver irises.

"We bumped into each other on our way up here." Jesper gestures behind him.

And it is then that Kaz notices her presence— Inej Ghafa, the strange Suli girl he had brought back from the West Stave. Oddly, he had felt her presence moments ago but had brushed it off as a mere byproduct of his rest-deprived mind playing tricks on him. Turns out his intuition hadn’t been wrong at all.

"Its that Suli girl."

"The one that Brekker took up to his bed?"

"Who would've thought Haskell's rabid dog had such exquisite tastes."

The one that Brekker took where? Haskell's rabid what? Kaz isn't sure which remark he finds more insulting towards his reputation. Although he does realise he has no one except himself to blame. He should'nt have let the girl follow him up to the attic last night. As usual, he'll have to cover this small err with fresh tales about himself that are even more gruesome than the previous ones. But for now he must find out why the new girl is here.

Anika’s clothes are baggy on her small frame— a deep green shirt so loosely-fitted that she has tied its ends into a double knot just above her belly-button whilst the fawn-colored trousers hang tastefully around her hips. He watches her long, silky hair sway behind her as she walks gracefully in his direction, determination glimmering in her dark brown irises. Shock briefly flits across his gaze but before he can even think of stopping her, she shoots out her hands in which he (dreadfully) recognizes, she’s holding his coat. He can feel all eyes in the room already settling on him. They collectively stare in a mix of shock, curiosity and..is this jealousy he's witnessing on a few faces?

"What do you think you're doing?" He grits out. He hears a muffled snickering which he's sure is Jesper's and wonders if the two somehow managed to become friends in the short span of their climb up the stairs. And that they both planned this prank together on their way.

However, Inej only furrows her brows, debunking his ridiculous theory. She seems to be wondering what she's done wrong as she answers confidently, "I forgot to return it last night."

More interested staring ensues. The new pen in his palm snaps.

Is this girl serious right now? It took him long, unrelenting years to rise to the position he's at. He's spilled his blood, sweat and tears to scatter the seeds of terror about him throughout the expanse of Ketterdam. Even people who come across him for the first time, visibly shiver and turn pale. So what part of their last conversation has given her this courage to approach him so casually? She seems to have forgotten the fact that he’s an infamous barrel thug, feared by merchers, stadwatch and gangsters alike. She isn’t supposed to saunter up to him and return his coat, making this whole exchange appear to be a scandalous affair to the curious bystanders. She isn't supposed to crumble Dirtyhands' hard-built reputation with just a few words!

"Stand aside, I'm busy." He mutters, because he truly has no idea how to get out of this predicament and hopes that his caustic tone will get the message across just like it does with everyone else.

To his utter dismay, Inej seems to be far more tactless than Jesper, who still hasn't stopped snickering. She tucks the coat back in her arms and bites her lip as if suppressing herself from saying something mean. Her eyes quietly regard his own, an unspoken understanding settling between them. She is aware that if she doesn't wish to be thrown back into the Menagerie, she must behave properly with him. And yet, her nostrils flare as she responds, "I just wanted to pay my gratitude-"

"You can pay your gratitude," Kaz hisses back, glaring up at her from his perched position, "with your services." And its only after uttering those words does he realise the ambiguous implications hinted in them. Jesper's shoulders are shaking uncontrollably now, his palms tightly clamped around his mouth to muffle his laugh.

"Slow down, Dirtyhands." comments someone from the back and the whole room bursts into a howl of laughter. Inej brings a palm to her lips, gasping in mortification.

Kaz massages his eyes. Dealing with these ruffians has already been a headache. Now this new girl just walks in and takes the cake. She's proving to be far more dangerous– scratch that– far more more troublesome than he had expected.

He lets them have their fun as he pulls out a knife from his coatsleeve and gets up. He ambles towards Dirix, his steps slow and deliberate. He's sure it was Rotty who'd made the joke but Dirix is standing closer and it doesn't really matter who said what. Dirtyhands just needs to set an example.

The young boy is suddenly looking very pale. Kaz grabs his right hand, the dominant one and digs the blade along the joints of his fingers. The knife easily tears through his skin and goes deeper into the muscle beneath. Dirix is now screaming whilst everyone else hold their breath. From his peripheral vision, he catches the horror on Inej's face and rolls his eyes. Surely she must've heard of his violent endeavors at the menagerie. She shouldn't have approached him in the first place if she's going to be so shocked everytime he spills someone's blood.

He roots out the knife before it can completely sever Dirix's limbs. "Get 'em patched up." The boy is already running out.

He walks back and tosses the knife to the desk, its loud clang making everyone flinch in fright. "Pipe down before I actually start chopping tongues."

The threat silences everyone.

"This is Inej Ghafa." He points at her and the girl cowers slightly. Not at all the abrupt attention on her, he notices, but from him. "She's to be a new spider."

This one simple statement seems to piece together everything for them. Though he has an inkling that his previous act of brutality also plays a major part. They nod and whisper amongst themselves. He almost scoffs. Of course its easier for them to believe that Kaz Brekker took up a girl to his room for information. Not some spicy dalliance.

"Now get to work." He orders and one by one they shuffle out of the room, Rotty nodding respectfully. He knows he was spared merely by luck.

Jesper is the last one. He winks at Inej before taking his leave. "See you around, new girl!"

And with all of them gone, Kaz turns to Inej. She inhales a breath in anticipation.

"Let's start your training."

So hopefully that was as fun reading as it was for me writing :3

Coming parts will have Inej's training and ofc her picking her canon outfit.

.

SoC Masterlist

( divider by @firefly-graphics )

[bisexualoftheblade-old]

how many wips do you have? like what are they all, and not the number of wips in a fandom? what are all the names?

okay. fuck you. fuck you so much. fuck you.

i’m putting this under a read more cut no one else deserves to see this shit. a lot of these are requests, and for those i will just write out the request itself

Shadowhunters:

domestic polycule fluff with tem, jessa, and will because im not a coward

Supernatural

- hehe hoho i request destiel hehehe

- request 61/? cai cai cai cai i need you to rewrite the destiel scene but yk. GOOD. not like i'm in the know about the spn fandom or anything, it's been years for me. but DO IT

Bright Sessions

- caleb/adam grisha AU

- mark bryant vs. united states aka sue the AM

- caleb/adam college fluff

Umbrella Acaademy

- request 31/? i want a ben and klaus drabble please spare me some brotherly bickering

- AND SO BEGINS NIGHT 4 with request 13/? oooh oooh can i get a raymond and allison playlist??? i think their vibes together would SLAP

- hi there night 2 is technically morning 3 but who's counting not me anyway request 5/? can i get a ben moodboard? gotta rep my tua bb

Percy Jackson

- request 9/? can i get a percabeth moodboard or quote edit?? like god they're the og couple goals take me back to high school cai

- For the 100 follower things :D Jercy getting caught in the rain

- request 29/? a drabble about literally anything to do with pjo. i’ll be happy with anyone and anything i’m love these children

- *somersaults in like I’m a real fancy acrobat* hello ello ello may I request some camp half blood chaos possible involving *does a flip* ✨side characters✨ <3

Penumbra Podcast 

- request 52/? drabble about the penumbra podcast. this is for ren bc ren likes it and i don't actually know anything about it. juno? i think? that's the one ren likes. write it for ren

- Tpp ghost hunting / buzzfeed unsolved au

- sad juno smut

- final resting place fic go brrrr

Marvel

- request 6/? i'm going to my roots y'all can i get a spider-man playlist? if not a playlist then i'd honestly be happy with literally anything involving spider-man

- request 15/? i'm going crazy this is recorded evidence of me actually losing it ANYWAY can i get a quote edit for something from iron man? literally anything that man says is gold so cai's choice :D he deserved better in endgame i'm still bitter

- request 42/? do another spidey thing that differs from the other spidey thing

- request 73/? you have Opinions. rant about infinity way and/or endgame. go.

- request 74/? quote edit for deadpool!!

- spideytorch relationship character study

- peter parker as a tired grad student monitoring the young avengers (send help)

Six of Crows

- okay listen i wasn't going to request anything bc i worry about you but also? if you want to/have the time hit me with a playlist for our girl nina zenik

- request 43/? fuckin give me the ending anya should have had. she is alive and with her new son and having a great time

- request 45/? inej moodboard?

- request 47/? will you make literally any meme of your choosing for six of crows?

- request 48/? write a drabble for kaz, my favorite bastard

- okay so i don't actually like nina or mattias that much but i still wanna hear about your thoughts (and also see if you'll change my mind)

- kaz brekker turning 18 fic. birthday party, everyone singing, whole shebang. i need it stat

- religious trauma fic aka i started shipping kaz/alina/inej and i can’t stop

- kaz trauma soup (he has D.I.D. and you can’t prove me wrong)

- my two redacted fics for @grishaversebigbang​

- wesper fake dating

- six of crows bright sessions crossover: everyone gets therapy

TMA

- uhh... s1 gang having a nice time? melanie getting to have some Pride™️? some "fun" horror thing?

- request 7/? spare steph and jason bonding? please sir? spare some for a humble child such as myself?

- okay so this was meant for night 3 but i had midterm shit SO this is honorary night 3 let's DO THIS request 8/? i want a moodboard of extremely out of context magnus archives shit like i mean confuse the FUCK out of me i don't go here i know Nothing about it

- request 11/? OKAY so i need tim stoker meeting tim drake now i need my timmy to meet your tim plus i want to see character differences no i'm not trying to create a tim stoker in my head so i can read a's fic while NOT thinking of tim drake whaaaaaat you're crazy

- request 18(i think)/? i need a quote edit of every time within the first like. 15 eps of tam where jon is like “sounds fake but go off” thank u bb

- request 40/? i challenge you to write a tma drabble based only on the episodes i've heard. i'm currently halfway through episode 23

- Jon being lovingly bullied into taking a break. I'm aware this has been written a million times but it is one of my favorite things.

- spiral!sasha AU

- extinction martin go brrrrr

- high school era timsasha. they've both been friends for years, and everyone always asks when they will be a couple. they decide to fake date, to prove everyone wrong and show what a bad couple they would be. turns out that's a bit trickier than they thought

- after sasha comes back, tim is broken. he can't let go, scared that if he looks away for even a minute he'll lose her again. sasha suggests shibari as a way for him to give up control

- sasha pov mag 19 au, sacrificing herself to save the others, knows that if she gives herself up to the not!them it will let the others live

- this is the "tim finds a polaroid of sasha" trope

- early archives days,, long nights in research,,, clothes sharing,, somft. late nights and falling asleep at their desks warm and safe in the other's presence

- two parts: timsasha as kids, each picking a constellation that is "theirs". just soft kid antics. tim at sasha's grave glancing up to see their constellations

- continuing your job’s a joke (you’re broke)

DC Comics

- TIMSTEPH HADESTOWN AU,,,

- my redacted fic for @batfam-big-bang​

- request for you to get a decent amount of sleep? serious answer, dickkori, SAL's Venus

- request 4/? timsteph morning after 👀 mayhaps?

- a concept: nonbinary stephanie brown

- teehee hi mom, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, but can i request damian angst for your accomplishments 100 followers?

- hi you can ignore my first request if you want, or you can ignore this one. but bls possibly write some bikini ra’s? -the bikini bitch

- request 27/? jay is asking through me for a jondami playlist but tbh i also want it so win win yk?

- "I don't know how to help you but I can help you find someone who does" with bruce and jason? im just craving bruce being a good day to jason for once

- “I am putting you in time out because you need to understand the consequences of your actions.” with steph and jason as dumbass disaster bi best friends pretty please?

- request 32/? timsteph patrol date!!!

- request 33/? timsteph *gala* date? mayhaps??

- request 37/? tim drake drabble but make it Edgy cai

- request 39/? drabble of a prank war between tim and damian

- joyfire cuddly fluff please? or like just any outlaw fluff if joyfire isnt your thing (feel free to add every member of the outlaws, dont feel like u gotta stick with jason, kori, roy i love them all)

- barbara and robin! jason fluff? bonding over books or something?

- request 62/? i need a drabble about the chaotic trio jason, tim, and steph i'm love them ty

- request 63/? batfam x mcu crossover. batfam meets ironfam. give me ALL the cliches. ALL OF THEM

- request 64/? young justice x young avengers - jay cuz idk SHIT about the young avengers

- request 66/? jondami moodboard pls and ty

- request 67/? timsteph moodboard!!!!!!

- request 69/? HEHEHE kinky 😏 i would v much like a timsteph drabble of the almost first time. does that make sense? like i don't want you to go all the way NSFW cuz i know that's against the rules and i'm a rule follower. but like they *almost* go all the way. this could be fade to black or some shit i don't care just make it a lil steamy and have Fun

- i request damian angst! all of it

- hmm... maybe i request? jondami?

- mayhaps,,,,some batfam,,,,,committing crimes? ily be gay do crime <3 - lu

- How about a ficlet with Steph and Cass?

Found Family Bingo Prompts

- no powers au

- tunnel

- first day

- join the club

- hurt/comfort

- experiment

- playing favorites

- hold on

- possession

- 10 o’clock

- singing

- road

- snitch

- curfew

- timer

- fantasy au

- zombie au

- dreams

- campfire

- are you okay

- movie night

- games

- scared

Miscellaneous

- a request: Write A Drabble, Coward

- is it too late to request a moodboard for me?

- request 20/? i’m going off book because i’m in a Chaotic Mood™️ can you just absolutely vibe check me like go off cai demolish me

- request 21/? i formally request that you pick a favorite cai. i don’t care what that favorite pertains to, just pick a favorite something

- request 23/? roast me

- request 24/? can i have a buzzfeed unsolved spoopy playlist but spoiler alert it’s not spoopy bc shane doesn’t believe does this make sense it has been a Day™️

- request 25/50 i want a jake and amy fic make it Soft cai i’m love them b99 is so good

- request 28/? i know nothing about the lord of the rings so make something that will confuse the shit out of me

- request 34/? malvie and jaylos moodboards 😈

- request 35/? a moodboard for the bbb mods!! perceive all of us!!!

- request 36/? moodboard for the tua mods too???? mayhaps??

- request 41/? doctor WHO? idk but i want a drabble of him and the one character i know from doctor who which is rose

- request 46/? make an alignment meme with our group, have fun!!!

- request 49/? i want you to kin assign me a character from every fandom you can/want to. go feral

- request 50!!!!/? this is a special request. the most special request. can you make a bastards tbh playlist? i want our vibes encapsulated. i want us in music form. i want to hear those songs and be like "that's me and cai" and smile.

- requests 51/? i know jack shit about good omens. explain it to me in the most confusing way possible. make me know less by the end than i know now

- request 53/? can you write a mel aesthetic? i'm Curious

- request 54/? give me a list of book recs cai i want some good book recs pls

- request 56/? edit a picture of US together too

- request 58/? oooh can i have a disney edit? like. hm. i just really love disney and i want anything to do with disney. like a quote or an aesthetic or an aesthetic edit i just want disney.

- request 59/? i would v much like a recipe for carbonara. i've never had it but it sounds fucking delicious

- request 60/? ooh hey can i get a makeup tutorial? i know you like makeup, i'm shit at doing makeup. teach me

- request 65/? i need the most emo playlist you can make that vibes with dear evan hansen thank you

- request 68/? i want a superwholock moodboard. this can be serious, with the actual fandoms in mind, or literally what the era felt like. the insanity. the horror.

- request 70/? ooh ooh ooh do you have a good bread recipe?? i wanna get that bread

- request 71/? i want a playlist with the vibes of summoning a demon. please don't ask questions. i don't have answers. and if i do, no i don't.

- For the requests, how about writing something based on a friend?

- request 75/? MMMM i want literally anything to do with natasha, pierre, and the great comet of 1812

- request 76/? i want some healthy recipes. help a girl out

- a feral bbb quote or two?

- you perceive my plant but now I dare thee to perceive mine own visage

- okay this is a two for one request. 1. you did the bee movie script so now we need a shrek two script edit 2. sleep please

- Pansexual mb for my lil queer soul?

- my (probably) final request is just for you to ramble about something, i don't really care what

- HI ILY CONGRATS AS WELL CAUSE IM LATE BUT CONGRATS. could i request a pirates of the caribbean (or just pirates) or whatever you what to do, free range.

- mood board for the beluga whales who got brought to the animal sanctuary in Iceland please?

- 100 follower request: Moodboard for my stuffed cow Oaky?

[yesimwriting]

The Problem With Light

a/n i literally did not mean to write this, i was working on requests and then my mind was like ‘remember that lowkey love triangle kaz brekker x reader x darkling thing you always say you're going to write’ so yeah,, here we are :)),, two longer fics are coming!! 

- 

Summary: Kaz changes his plans after meeting the Sun Summoner and Kirigan teeters on a line the reader isn’t sure she wants. 

-- 

Chapter One: The Conflicts of Prayer 

--

Narrator. 

--

Kaz knows a lot about patience. He knows how to bear the weight that the passage of time thrusts onto one's shoulder. He knows how to cultivate the seeds that he sews. If he wasn’t like this he’d stand no chance at one day avenging the ghost that refuses to leave him. 

But Jesper is almost an hour late. Kaz has been standing in a dimly hit branch of a relatively important hallway in the Little Palace. Jesper was supposed to come while in disguise to bring Kaz his new disguise and his newly repaired cane. Kaz’s hand flexes again, wishing he could feel the detailed head of one of his few comforts beneath the broken-in leather of his gloves. A bitter part of him claims that if Jesper isn’t injured once he arrives, he’ll be injured once Kaz gets his hand on his cane. 

He shifts his weight, the pain in his leg starting to take its toll. The slight relaxation disappears once he hears footsteps. Kaz turns, ignoring the ache the motion brings him. His entire body hardens, preparing for a fight. He doesn’t look like he belongs here yet and there’s nowhere to run. The person crossing his path will need to be taken care of--knocked out or something more permanent. 

The person only pauses to look at him when Kaz angles himself forward in a fighting stance. He watches the person, a girl, shifts back slightly, eyes wide and defensive. She’s a mess--hair disheveled, nose slightly bleeding, and dirty kefta. Her appearance isn’t why Kaz finds himself frozen, not because of the girl’s appearance but because she’s her. Y/n l/n. The Sun Summoner. 

“Sorry! I--” She almost winces, but then her eyebrows furrow together. “You’re not supposed to be here.” Kaz’s jaw locks. He could take her physically, but for all he knows she could raise her arms and blind him permanently with her light. “That’s okay,” she breathes, something in her looking a little relieved, “I’m not supposed to be here either.” Kaz watches her oddly, wondering if her trustingness is a trap in itself. “I won’t tell if you don’t.” 

It’s a joke. That much is clear by the gentle uptilt of her lips. It’s as if she doesn’t know she’s bleeding and looks like she just ran out of a fight. Her expression doesn’t harshen at his silence. Kaz finds himself disliking that. It’s not enough that she can summon the sun, she also has to seem like it.

He needs to say something. Jesper was supposed to be watching her and now he’s not here and she is. The plan is unraveling and if he talks she’ll stay here or reveal where she’s going to next. That’s the kind of thing he needs to salvage this. 

His lips part, but he’s not sure what to say. “You’re not supposed to be here?” 

She shakes her head once. “No--I’m supposed to be in personal training, but I kind of got my ass kicked in group training and my pride needs a break.” The admission leaves her sheepishly. “It’s probably for the best, becoming a Sun Summoner overnight has given me a bit of an ego.” She sighs, the sound strangely light. “Then again, I kind of need an ego for what’s wanted from me and if one bad fight is all it takes to kill it then it’s not strong enough, considering--” Kaz tenses as she cuts herself off. “Sorry, I’m rambling, we both have places to be.” Hope presses into him stiffly. She’s going to say it. “Where--where are you supposed to be?” She shifts back slightly. “Not that I have to know, but you’re not from here, and--” 

Kaz steps forward, pushing through the stiffness in his leg. Y/n’s gaze drops. Kaz’s discomfort worsens, someone like her doesn’t need to know his weaknesses. “Are you here for me to pray for you?” She scratches her arm, “I-I can, but I tell everyone I pray for I don’t consider myself a Saint.” 

The honesty of the comment twisted something in Kaz’s thoughts. “Yes,” he lies, partially distracted by the beginnings of a scheme. He can feel Inej’s future anger as he lies again, “I’m here for prayer.” 

“I spent so long rambling,” she says in a tone that implies apology. 

He nods once, wondering how someone could  be that apologetic and survive. The weight of such power must strangle someone like her. That could be a good thing. Someone like her must be spiraling with all this change and sudden strength. Maybe this could be simpler than an abduction plan, a few choice words and he could convince the girl to come with him. He could get her to believe there was something she needed to do in Ketterdam. If she went there willingly, things could be much more efficient. 

Inej won’t like this, and for this to work he’ll have to think of the right way to present the plan to her. He weighs his options and the details as y/n whispers words with her eyes closed and hands folded together. The words he can make out are kind. He expected that, but what he didn’t expect was the earnestness of them. 

She means each part of her prayers. Kaz regrets noticing that. 

“I can’t promise my prayers do anything,” she finishes, voice returning to its normal volume, “but I hope you get what you need.” 

What he wants is within his grasp now that he knows what to do. “I’m sure good things are near.” It’s the most honest he’s been since her arrival. 

Y/n nods once, “I should go before my reprieve costs me more than it's worth.” 

He watches her disappear down the hallway. Her movements are light, calm and unweighted. 

“Boss,” Jesper’s appearance is brash, “I’ve spent this entire time looking for her. She was in training like she was supposed to, took an awul blow, delivered an even meaner one, and then disappeared.”

Kaz tries to imagine the same hands that were just so neatly folded in prayer as fists. “You just missed her.” He doesn’t wait for Jesper’s reaction, he just takes his newly repaired cane back. “And we’re changing the plan.” 

--

Y/n.

--

I tried going to Baghra. I told someone who believed my prayers meant something that I was going back to training. But then I remembered her words from last time and the shame I felt when I could not create light. I haven’t summoned light once without Kirigan’s touch. 

I’m the Sun Summoner--I am the person that summons the sun by themselves. Kirigan and I aren’t the Sun Summoner together. I’m pathetic. And instead of trying to get better, I’m wandering the library because all anyone can talk about is the way Zoya punched me in the face. 

Baghra picked me apart when I looked shiny. I can’t imagine the kinds of comments she’d make if she saw me with a bloody nose and dead leaves in my hair. I’ll go tomorrow, once Genya fixes both my matted hair and cracked self esteem. 

For now, I have the one thing that’s always comforted me. My books. I wander the library, trying not to think of anything. Of Baghra, of Zoya, of the strange man in the hall. 

He seemed weighted by something. I always wish I could do more for those that ask for my prayer, but the longing is sharper now. I don’t know him, so it’s ridiculous to want to help him so badly, but my uselessness itches beneath my skin in a way I’m not used to. I don’t know why I feel more protective about this stranger than others. I’ve had people fall to my feet weeping, begging for me to save them. That hurt me, but the desire to help this one stranger burns in a way I’ve never felt before.  

“I don’t know why they don’t look for you here every time you disappear.” His voice is as soft and subtle as a shadow. “They’d save so much time.” 

I fight the urge to defensively grasp the first book I can reach. “You’re making it sound like I have a habit of vanishing in order to make a point.” My defense is weak. We both know that this isn’t the first time I ran away from something here. “Sometimes absence is just that.” 

“When you’ve waited for someone as long as I have, all absence is significant.” The words are not harsh but they should be. I don’t know how I could respond to that. 

He steps forward easily, as he always does. I keep myself still despite the way that warmth settles against my chest uncomfortably. I manage to hold onto my stillness even when he raises a hand, one gentle finger brushing above my top lip. I tense at his lingering touch. 

Kirigan turns his hand slowly, exposing the red on his fingertips. “How di--” 

“Training,” I interrupt quickly, “I promise I got a decent hit in as well.” 

When he nods, his expression is clearly weighted but I cannot interpret it. He almost always looks like that. I shouldn’t find anything about the man that stole me from everything I’ve ever known (even though he had good reason to do so) alluring, but I want to understand him. It’d feel like knowing a secret the rest of the world is desperate for. 

For a moment we just stand there, Kirigan closer than he’s ever been. Sometimes when he’s quiet I think he knows my secrets. All of mine. Even my curiosity about him. “I don’t doubt that.” 

At least he tries to be nice to me sometimes. It’s more than anyone else here can say. Except maybe Genya. “You don’t have to say that.” He knows it’s true. “Keep in mind you found me in the library, hiding from Baghra.” 

He hesitates. “No one likes training.”

“I think I’d find it tolerable if…” Can I say this to him? Admit the extent of my helplessness? He looks at me patiently, waiting for me to give something to him. “I’m the Sun Summoner--that’s supposed to be me. That’s supposed to be mine, and I can’t do it by myself.” 

The patheticness of my struggle hits me in full force. I drop my head as he weighs my words. “It’s in you,” he says it so surely I don’t think I could argue. 

I smile politely. “Thank you.” 

Kirigan reaches downwards, towards my wrist. He latches onto me so quickly I’m too surprised to back away. “Light,” he prompts like it really is that easy. 

I know I can do it with him, so I don’t see the point in showing it. “It doesn’t count if I get help.” 

“Y/n.” Sometimes I think his voice is softer when he speaks my name. 

I raise my hands, overlaying them, letting the hand that he touches make up the base of my cup. Reaching into myself, I search for the power beneath my skin. With him, that power seems to sit directly beneath the surface, desperate and greedy. I don’t call to it, instead I simply let it flow. The light bleeds from me, a sphere of blinding light bursts into my hands. It’s bright, burning, and desperate to escape my control. 

My mind clamps around the power tightly, restraining it without choking it out until the light in my hands is exactly as small as I want it to be. I hold it there, letting its warmth melt away all of the bad. I let it grow, the light illuminating a path I can barely see--a path in which I do not disappoint those that need to have faith in something and for some unknown reason decided to place it in me. I hold onto that feeling, and then I let the light disappear. 

I smile at my hands. The only good that’s come from this is the way the light makes me feel. “Y/n.” I look up at Kirigan, who’s showing me both of his palms. “That was you.” 

A feeling better than the light coils up my stomach and into my heart. I grin. I did it without him. I can do it without him. “That--how did you know that would work?” 

“I knew that you could do it, you just needed to see it.” 

Warmth fills me, light and easy. A little too light. I have to work at not reaching for him, not because I need to, but because I want to. “Thank you.” This time I mean it.

“Your gratitude is premature,” he warns, but nothing about it is harsh, “I’m here to send you back to training.” 

At least the thought of facing Baghra no longer devastates me. “There’s always a catch.” I smile, hoping he understands what he’s done for me. “But I think this time it may be worth it.” 

He almost smiles. “Tell me if you still feel that way after spending time with Baghra.” 

A fair warning. It’s more than I expect from him. “Will do.” 

Kirigan’s expression threatens to soften, but he turns away from me with a soft nod before I can try to decipher the look. I let him leave before disappearing down another hall, forcing myself to look for Baghra. I think of my interaction with both Kirigan and the stranger, at least Baghra won’t be the weirdest part of my day

[ohmygodtheywereparabatai]

SUN SUMMONER!KAZ

Part Two

Prev Part

Okay, I found out that @majorgodcomplex has already started a wonderful project feat. Sun Summoner Kaz on Ao3, so it’s not as out of the blue as I thought… and I’m pretty far behind :xx Hopefully I can catch up! Check out their fic, it’s ongoing and brilliant!! Variety is the spice of life, after all.

Now, how are the two Crows doing back home…

—

Jesper threw an impressive shaft of polished wood into the air, striking a pose of brusque authority. Instead of a deft swipe, it missed his hand on the way down and clattered to the floor, leaving him in a fumble to scoop it back up.

He pretended nothing happened, leaning proudly on the enameled handle. The Wraith was examining the lone office around them, her footsteps barely sifting particles of gathered dust.

“So,” he prodded. “Who wears the hat and cane now?”

He palmed the flawless staff. “This one’s got nothing on the real deal, but,” a soft tut, “Neither do we.”

Inej - who defied his expectations along with gravity - took the sudden departure of their boss with a surprisingly level head, a quiet resignation. She reached out and pushed a stack of books farther to the center from their precarious seat. Her palm rested on the top volume, staring out the window as moonbeams slit the dark.

“And gloves.” She finally spoke. The hat, the cane, the gloves.

“Right.” Jesper drummed his foot on the carpet. “Which means…”

“Kaz did anything as long as it paid. That’s why his name was-” she caught herself, “is Dirtyhands. People say he’s hiding claws, blood that never washed out, hellfire, scars from countless killings.”

“‘Your pick of the litter’,” Jesper smiled a little. “That’s what he told me.”

“It doesn’t matter if he gets paid now.” She looked at him, coppery skin almost shining where old tear tracks stood. Jesper stood corrected. But had she cried in pain, or reverence? “They’ll drag him back for as long as it takes. No one else can do a job like that. No one.”

“He’ll try his damndest to come home. He knows he’s got promises to make good on. People to spite.” Jesper was dancing around the real words, and Inej was clever enough to hear them: he won’t let you go back. Trust him. “For now, we stick to our own turf. We can float just fine without Boss, at least for a couple months.”

“You’re not hearing me.” There was a soreness in her voice, and she was right. Jesper wasn’t a believer, and yet, the world was about to be rewritten. Inej knew her faith, and she knew it better than anyone. “Kaz’s single goal will be returning to Ketterdam. Where he’s in control, where he’s free to chase… I can’t tell if it’s power or revenge. Maybe both.

“The world needs him. He’s only ever needed himself. I want to do everything I can to help, but laying low won’t help him at all.” Inej balled her hands, striding to the window as Jesper grappled to understand - better yet, dissuade her. It was a scheming face written across her reflection in the smudged glass, and the sharpshooter couldn’t say it wasn’t... uncanny.

“I need to do his dirty work for him, Jesper. Get our hands filthier than his. Bloodier than his.” Her eyes flashed, a voice that whistled like soft wind whistling like the arc of a knife. “His goal has to be helping the world heal. Ending a war and spreading hope like a wildfire, because his gift is a miracle, and Ketterdam is… it can’t be his home when the sun is his…”

Inej swallowed around a knot. Seemed they were digesting what happened, one hard pill after another; everyone was. Then she finished:

“I’m going to destroy Pekka Rollins. I’ll leave the killing blow for Kaz. The rest is mine to burn.”

The cane turned to lead in his grip. No, not literally - Jesper had better control (and far less skill) than that. He found himself puffing his chest, cautious of getting in the Wraith’s way, and in half-seriousness demanding “Well, w-wait now - who went and made you the face of the Crow Club without some promotion or letter or, something…?”

“You mean this?” Inej held up a slip of paper between two dextrous fingers. Marked with the seal of the Barrel’s finest Bastard, the inked crow was so hastily stamped that the bird’s teardrop ran down the paper. A hint of amusement teased her lip.

Jesper nearly hacked. He could only watch like he’d been clubbed over the head or like his pulse was in a Heartrender’s clasp as Inej sidled up next to him - took the cane - struck the floor using the end with a thump.

“If our efforts are conducive to success, and Kerch territory is… rearranged,” she eyed him pointedly, “I’ll burn down the Menagerie with Tante Heleen inside it. A horrible accident, of course. No other casualties involved.”

The Zemini felt relish. Somewhere underneath, a million voices were screaming in disquiet. Too much fire. Too much fire. No amount of fun he’d encountered wasn’t worth its weight in trouble. “‘Course... Boss.”

-

All in the name of faith.

A ridiculously dangerous notion.

He was dragged through spangled halls - separated by arched doors at ceiling height - that would fool a man fresh out of thirty years in prison from realizing he’d entered another one. Kaz clung to one name.

“The Black General.” His limp was jagged, pronounced. “He promised me an advance, he said to-”

“Walk.” And the end of a spear would trot him forward like a show horse.

Worse, the crow head grew slack in his hands; the wrought gates and silver fountains of the Little Palace caused his mouth to slip almost ajar.

Painting his own dwarfment over his face like a child at carnival brought to mind the doe-eyed tourists that flocked to Ketterdam: goggling, out of place, hoodwinked of wallets, watches, and good reason. In a land where he was the disparaged peasant who would be Saint, Kaz was not inclined to misstep. Demands came later - if he bristled, they might come soon.

Or else he should tally the attempts on his life to come.