seanwhites

[i-have-not-slept]

Malectober 2023

(even though it’s not october or 2023 any more)

Day 15: Sweet

[malecsecretsanta]

Merry Christmas, @moonlight-breeze-44!

Merry Christmas my dear ! I hope you will enjoy some domestic Christmas Malec fluff as much as I loved drawing them for you ♥

[malec-ao3feed]

Arguing with your Significant Other: Malec Extra Mature Guide

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/owdSOu4 by moni26 Settled in the club just before Simon's performance, Jace shared his experience with arguments during a relationship, asking how Magnus and Alec deal with them. Alec cleared his suddenly very dry throat. ''So we, um...,'' he looked at Magnus for help. ''We approach it maturely.'' ''Very maturely. Yes.'' Words: 1885, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Fandoms: Shadowhunters (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: M/M Characters: Magnus Bane, Alec Lightwood, Simon Lewis, Jace Wayland Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Simon Lewis/Jace Wayland Additional Tags: Married Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Fluff and Humor, Relationship(s), Magnus Bane Loves Alec Lightwood, Alec Lightwood Loves Magnus Bane, Domestic Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Simon Lewis & Alec Lightwood Friendship, Established Simon Lewis/Jace Wayland, Magnus Bane & Jace Wayland Friendship, Non-Sexual Intimacy read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/owdSOu4

[thelightofthebane]

through the good and bad and all in between

Summary: Magnus was born a warlock. Magnus became a mundane for love and by self-sacrificing tendencies. Magnus turned into a vampire after an act of spite and revenge.

A story about survival, new identities, love through adversities, and accepting changes.

Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Episode: s03e17 Heavenly Fire, Vampire Magnus Bane, Turned without consent, Major Character Undeath, Immortal to Mortal to Immortal, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Good Boyfriend Alec Lightwood, Soft Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Cat & Alec friendship, Domestic Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Fluff and Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending

Rating: E

Chapters: 10

Words: Around 23k~

This fic was created for the Shadowhunters Mini Bang 2023: Presented by the @malecdiscordserver

You can read it on AO3 or the first chapter below ~

Chapter 1 - You're my first and my last love

!!!TW!!! - MCD (temporary!) - There is non-consensual touch and kiss (not between Malec) - Description of a murder

Something was wrong.

“I was thinking we could have dinner tonight on the balcony, view of the city. The head chef can prepare something special.”

“How romantic. May I ask what the occasion is?”

“There is no occasion. I just thought it would be nice. What, I can’t do something nice with my boyfriend?”

“Oh. I’m one lucky man.”

“Not as lucky as I am. Okay, I’ll see you tonight at eight o’clock.”

“I’ll be there with bells on.”

And that’s the thing.

Magnus was late.

Very late.

Alec liked to think that, after so many ups and downs, he knew his boyfriend like the palm of his hand.

Magnus might’ve liked to be fashionably late for parties and other silly events, but for the important things? Councils, appointments, dates… And if he promised to be on time? He wouldn’t make the other party wait a minute longer. Magnus was that kind of person. Always considerate of others.

And although he was never late for his dates with Alec, obviously the Shadowhunter wouldn’t mind waiting for a few minutes. Especially not when the occasion was so important, so special, so future-changing.

But almost 40 minutes? Without a call or a text or a fire message?

No, something was wrong.

Terribly, terribly wrong.

Something inside Alec was screaming at the wrongness of it.

He didn’t want to be an overbearing boyfriend, but he couldn’t ignore what his guts were telling him. So, without postponing a minute more, Alec unlocked his phone.

He made a call.

~*~

Two hours early

A gray hair.

Magnus thought that centuries of existence were enough to make one wiser. And maybe less prone to panic when confronting a very distressing situation. For fuck’s sake, Magnus fought Greater Demons before. Why a single gray hair could rattle him so much?

Because your time is ticking away.

You’re going to die.

You’re going to die.

You’re going to die.

Magnus shivered, the bottle of whisky almost slipping from his unsteady fingers.

Perhaps leaving the Institute to go be shit drunk wasn’t one of Magnus’ most brilliant ideas, but that holier-than-thou place didn’t have anything strong enough to numb his mind. Worse - anyone could go and tell Alexander what Magnus was up to. And Magnus didn’t want to upset Alec more. He was already making his boyfriend break more rules than Jace, Izzy, and Clary together just by carrying the dead weight that Magnus was now. No, he couldn’t risk it.

Now, Magnus vaguely recalled Alec mentioning a dinner in…

Uh.

Magnus rummaged through his pockets until he found his pocket watch. It seemed he had left his phone somewhere, but his mushy brain was unable to recall where. But anyway, at what time was that dinner? Seven? Eight? He was going to be late.

Waving his hand, he opened a portal to the Institute and-

No. No portal.

No magic.

Resting against the sidewall of some boutique, Magnus chuckled mirthlessly.

“Riiiiight. I’m now Magnus Bane, the Useless.”

Chugging the rest of the alcohol he had, Magnus contemplated calling a taxi when he felt eyes on him. Many, many eyes.

Magnus wasn’t a stranger to be looked at, to be appreciated.

But that wasn’t desire. It was malicious.

As an important and powerful figure, he’d made many enemies through the centuries. Thus, he also recognized the weight of a hateful glare.

A look full of hate and anger and murderous intent.

He shuddered.

But he was no coward either. Taking a deep breath, he slowly turned towards the end of the side alley.

The bottle fell on the floor with a loud crack.

There was a group of at least eight vampires there as he had expected. What he did not expect was their leader in their midst.

The very, very familiar leader.

“Hello, my love. Missed me?”

~*~

“You’re nervous. Why are you nervous?”

“What? I’m… I’m not nervous.”

“Yes, you are. What’s going on?”

“I’m, uh, proposing to Magnus tonight.”

“What? Are you serious? Alec, congratulations! You’re about to make Magnus the happiest man in the world.”

“Yeah. I just want everything to be perfect.”

~*~

“Camille.”

Even saying her name left a bad after-taste in his mouth, even worse than all the alcohol he had just drunk.

“So, the rumors were true. You sold your soul for a Shadowhunter and lost your magic.” She taunted, slowly approaching him like a predator would.

“What do you want? You are not supposed to be here.” Magnus clenched his jaw. Alec told him how the search for the prisoners who fled during the Valentine outbreak was still going on. Camille was on the missing list, but they weren’t sure if she was successful in escaping or was killed.

He should’ve known better.

Camille wasn’t one to be killed so easily.

In the blink of an eye, she was right in front of him, forcefully pushing Magnus against the dirty wall and grabbing his neck. He immediately tried to pry her hands off him, but he didn’t have a chance against a vampire’s strength. Especially without his magic.

“You were a bad boy, Magnus. You left me to rot in that Nephilim hole.” She spits out, her voice carrying disgust and anger. Bitterness. “I didn’t like one bit. Tell me, Magnus. You liked to know I was being tortured there while you fucked your precious Angel toy?”  

Magnus gasped when she tightened her hold on his neck. He tried again to make her back away, but he was utterly powerless. And it got worse when he felt the vampires closing on him, some even grabbing him too and keeping him in place.

“I spent the last months,” Camille continued, undeterred, “thinking about the best way to make you never forget who I am, my love. And what a delight it was when I heard about your… predicament.” She smiled, all teeth and malice.

And for the first time in his life, Magnus truly, really feared Camille. Not how she could break his heart again or break his mind. But how she could taint his soul.

How she could change him in a permanent way.

Magnus feared Camille the same way he once feared Asmodeus.

Both whom he loved once, in his innocence, with all his heart.

Both whom had the power to corrupt and manipulate him.

Asmodeus took away his identity as a warlock and made him mundane.

If Camille changed him too… If she turned him from a mundane into a… a…

No, no, no, no. Please, no.

“A-Alec…” Magnus moaned, desperate to escape Camille’s clutches.

“No!” She snarled, forcefully grabbing his chin and cutting his skin with her long nails. “You won’t say the name of that cursed Nephilim. I swear to you, my love, I’m still going to rip him apart and leave the pieces on your doormat.”

At that, some fire returned to Magnus’ eyes and he tried to fight the vampires’ hold on him.

“Leave him out of it! I won’t let-”

A sharp pain cut him off, rattling him to the core.

They bit him. One of the vampires bit his left wrist.

“Tsk…” Camille cut her thumb with one of her canines, and swiped it on Magnus’ lower lip, smearing her blood there. “You know, at first I hated the fact that my encanto never worked on you. Your blood, royal blood,” she sneered, “prevented me from having full control of your body. But in the end, I really didn’t need it, did I? You were always so… willing for me, my sweetling.” Her voice suddenly turned soft, giving the worst kind of goosebumps to Magnus. “So, so eager to please me. So starved for my touch and love.”

“Stop…” Magnus tried to fight again, but was already feeling dizzy due to blood loss.

“Never.” Camille grinned, then kissed him forcefully. Her canines not only cut his lips, but her own, and soon it became a mess of tongues and blood until Magnus’ body sagged, all pliant and submissive due to the feeding. It was also enough for the other vampires to take action, biting him in different places - forearms, arms, shoulders, belly, hips, legs.

They drank and drank and drank until Magnus’ sun-kissed skin became dull and sick.

Meanwhile, Camille still touched him, still fed him with blood and marked him with her lips and teeth.

Her own feast and revenge after all that time in the Gard because of Magnus’ betrayal.

"We are going to be equals now.”

She purred after stopping for a second.

Thump… Thump…

“In all ways that matter.”

She grabbed Magnus’ neck again.

Thump… Thu…

“You’ll finally accept that you’ll only have me for the rest of your life."

She broke it.

Th-

.

.

.

~*~

Present

Alec was certain he was going to lose his damn mind. Magnus wasn’t picking up his phone - and later Alec found it forgotten on their bed. His boyfriend had disappeared to Raziel knows where, and he hadn’t even bothered to take his phone with him. Alec had already looked for Magnus in the entire Institute before deciding to call Catarina and ask for help to track him. Usually, Alec didn’t like to bother her, especially knowing how busy she was with the hospital shifts and taking care of Madzie. But it was an emergency and Cat was Magnus’ best friend.

Alec was about to say fuck it all and go after Jace, who he knew was helping Izzy to find a way to free Clary from Jonathan and that cursed rune bonding them both, and ask his brother to do the parabatai tracking with him, when his phone suddenly went off.

At seeing who was the caller, Alec didn’t think twice and took the call.

“Catarina? Did you find him?”

Silence.

A pause.

Alec fucking hated pauses. He was raised by politicians, he worked with politicians. He dreaded pauses, they were always accompanied by some unwanted news.

You did a good job, but. A pause. It’s not enough. We need more and you aren’t the best for what we have in mind.

Your sister just came back from patrol. A pause. She is in the infirmary. There was a demon nest our intel didn’t know about.

Stop, Lightwood. A pause. You are dismissed, and you aren’t allowed to leave the jurisdiction until everything is cleared. Another pause. We don’t need you.

“ Yes. ” Alec felt relief for a moment, but it didn’t escape his ears how strained Cat’s voice was. She has been crying.

“What aren't you telling me?”

One fact about Catarina Loss? She was a no-nonsense type of person. And centuries of working with patients gave her the steeliness necessary to deliver news with clinical accuracy, even if it was something about her best friend.

“ Magnus was murdered, Alec. ”

.

.

.

Alec’s phone slipped through his fingers, falling onto the hard stone floor of the Institute.

The screen cracked.

Alec’s heart shattered.

~*~

The sun was setting when the portal snapped shut behind Alec. However, he couldn’t pay attention to his surroundings. His instincts were telling him he was in a safe place, and he had a vague notion of smelling wet grass and flowers. The area wasn’t a blurry of blacks and yellows and grays from New York, but of greens and browns and purples of… somewhere.

Honestly, he didn’t care about where he was. He didn’t care about the place. He didn’t care about the time or the weather. He couldn’t even pay attention to Catarina, who was standing on the side, silently crying.

No, Alec couldn’t pay attention to anything else but the mound of dirt and the marble tombstone right in front of him.

Nothing but the name sparkling in blue and gold.

Magnus Bane

Alec has fought many demons in his life. Has survived many nightmares. Has knocked on death’s door more than once.

But never… He never felt more terrified and desperate than in that moment.

Alec thought he knew horror. That he knew pain and loss.

But…

“I was the one supposed to go first…” He whispered, his voice cracking. “Not you. Never you. Magnus…”

Magnus.

My Magnus.

He fell on his knees over the dirt and let his forehead touch the cold stone. The omamori charm he had gifted Magnus was also there. He grabbed it, and started pounding it against his chest.

Hard.

To hurt.

To overpower the visceral pain inside.

“You were supposed to bring luck and protection for him.” His voice cracked. “Then why you didn’t? Why did you fail?”

Why did I fail?

Harder.

Magnus.

Harder.

Come back, please.

Don’t leave me. Don’t go, please.

Magnus…

Please.

Please.

Please.

Magnus.

Magnus…

.

.

.

HARDER.

.

.

.

Alec screamed.

He screamed all his pain until the last sunshine blinked away and the beginning of an endless night came.

[lcg0103]

AHHHHH! I cannot handle this cuteness!! Please tell me people are going to be writing some fics about this

[noxsoulmate]

Malec (yes with the c) hugs #17 - dealer’s choice on who’s behind 💜🥰💜

Well, this was truly a first, writing these two 🥰 but I enjoyed it - and I hope you like it! Also, I accidentally kinda filled a square from my @mfbingo board 😁

Please remember that these aren’t beta-read. I might hand these to my beta one day and then put better versions up on ao3, but until then you’ll have to live with my mistakes 😅

Multi-Fandom Bingo

Square O2: Homesick

Hugs

17. hugging from behind

Alexander had been on edge the whole day, Magnus could tell. He’d been in and out of appointments, meetings, and interrogations, too many different issues in need of being addressed by the Inquisitor to even catch his breath. Magnus had been able to witness some of them, and he knew his husband well enough to see what Alexander was easily hiding from the rest of the world. His shoulders were tense, his face growing stonier with every passing hour of the day. It all got worse with every further decision he had to make.

After two years in Alicante, Alexander was used to his new position as Inquisitor. He was doing so well and had brought so many changes. The new balance between the Downworld and the Nephilim had flourished thanks to him.

Given all that, many people liked to overlook one simple fact – Alexander was still young. Sure, he’d grown up with responsibilities, had become the head of an entire institute at a young age; had basically changed the world as they knew it with the help of his friends. But even a man like Alexander couldn’t go on like this forever. Couldn’t shoulder all the burden even a much older man might break from.

And Magnus knew his husband had finally reached a breaking point he was desperately trying to fight back.

So when Alexander entered their home that night, Magnus barely let him take off his shoes before he stepped up to him, engulfing him in a gentle hug from behind. It always amazed him how Alexander would melt into his arms without hesitation, just like that. He even dropped his head back to have it rest on Magnus’ shoulder, sighing out and reaching for Magnus’ arms, holding them tight.

They didn’t say anything for a long time, Magnus letting Alexander bask in the safety of his arms. It was as if the worries of the day – or even weeks, months – simply drained out of him. Only when he felt Alexander about to steer did Magnus turn his head to press a kiss against his neck.

“Where would you like to go, my love?”

It wasn’t uncommon that the two wouldn’t spend their evening at home in Alicante, but rather in a place far away. A five-star restaurant in Paris, a luxurious spa in Japan, a private beach in Hawaii – with a warlock, every amenity was but a portal away.

Alexander seemed to give it a good thought before finally turning in Magnus’ arms, hugging him back as he rested his forehead against his husband’s.

“Would it sound crazy if I asked you to spend the night in your old loft back in New York?”

Surprised, Magnus drew back to get a better look at him, trying to read what Alexander wasn’t saying. The loft back in New York – nowadays only used by Magnus for meetings with clients or if he had business to attend to in the city – seemed to have a meaning to his husband that evaded Magnus at the moment. 

Ever so perceptive, Alexander chuckled – a tired sound, yet filled with fondness – and brushed his hands along Magnus’ shoulders. “I don’t know, maybe it reminds me of simpler times.”

“Ah, yes, I remember those simple days,” Magnus replied with a teasing grin, pretending to indulge in reminiscences. “Times where you were merely the head of an institute, trying to unite the Downworld and the Nephilim; where we fought a war against Valentine and chased rogue Circle members; not to forget Lilith and her offspring, of course–”

“Okay, shut up,” Alexander told him with a grin and a quick peck on his lips. “Maybe ‘simpler times’ was the wrong phrase. But I won’t lie… something about that place always made me feel safe. I knew no matter what, I could always come to you.”

The admission had Magnus smile up at his husband in adoration. Nevertheless, he couldn’t help but point out, “You know that’s still the case now, don’t you?”

“Of course,” Alexander said right away. “Still, it’s a place that holds a lot of memories, and–”

“It’s okay, Alexander,” Magnus finally interrupted, brushing his thumb along his husband’s cheekbone. “You don’t need to justify your wish – you know, whatever you want, it will always be yours.”

“Right now, all I want is you – and to get away from Alicante for a little while.”

“Then that is what we shall do.”

Alexander’s wish would always be his command; which was how soon after, they found themselves back in their old loft, in their old bed, with Alexander’s back pressed close to his chest. Magnus was hugging his husband tight – amazed at how quickly he seemed to relax and fall asleep.

Vowing to leave Alicante more often from now on to seek refuge in their old home, Magnus pressed a kiss to Alexander’s back, then closed his eyes as well, and let the day come to an end.

As always, still slowly working my way through all the asks, thanks for being patient 😘 if anyone wants to, feel free to

Send me an ask and get drabbles in return 😊

(credit to @creativepromptsforwriting for the prompts as well as @mfbingo for the bingo board)

[malucy31]

Got to get back (to my baby again)

Pairing - Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood

Raiting - Teen and Up

Tags - AU Human, AU Fall of the Berlin Wall, Magical Realism, Non-Explicit Sex, Forbidden Love, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Domestic Malec

25249 words

Summary - Berlin, November 1989. When Alec Lightwood has to go back home in West Germany for work and leave Magnus Bane for a few months, they swear to write each other as often as possible. In eight years, they never let the wall standing between them get in the way of their love and they won’t let 600km separate them.

They didn’t expect Alec’s parents to hide Magnus’s letters or for Magnus to be in danger.

Alec isn’t sure it’s possible to ride a bike for 600km in a few days and cross the borders without being arrested, but he has to try. He has to get back to Magnus.

[...]

It takes a moment for Magnus to reintroduce himself, not that Alec notices in the moment. His mind is too busy cataloging all the sensations their skins create. It almost feels like Magnus’s magic is reaching out to him, seeking out something in him. What exactly? Alec couldn’t tell, but it’s intoxicating.

“Alec, the police!” It’s Jace, pulling at his arm.

Does he apologize to Magnus the way he wants to? Probably not. Jace continues, threatening to not come for him at the police station like last time, but Alec barely registers the words. There’s a hint of something in Magnus’s eyes, something that makes Alec’s stomach buzz.

“You’ll come back next week, right?” Magnus asks. “Come a bit earlier, we could talk, and I could buy you a drink, if you want.”

Alec barely has the time to nod before the crowd separates them.

[...]

Read more on ao3

[enigmasandepiphanies]

Sometimes you reach nirvana by thinking about the Lightwood-Bane family being domestic and that's how inner peace should work.

[visander]

To The Test | ao3.

That was one good thing about having a difficult teenage son. Magnus knew that Raphael would put any of his romantic partners right to the test, even if Magnus wished he wouldn't.

This is my ‘Single Parent’ square for @shadowhunterbingo. 

Being a single father of two, Magnus found that it was surprisingly not the toddler that turned Magnus’ potential romantic partners away. There were of course those Magnus would go on a stray date with before finding out they didn’t like kids but Magnus didn’t want those people in his life anyway. It was the other pool of romantic partners, the ones that didn’t hate kids or the fact that Magnus had them, that Magnus had trouble with but again, it was not because of his chubby faced rambunctious toddler.

It was because of his teenager. His troubled, grumpy teenager who was exceptionally jealous whenever Magnus would start spending time with someone else but would not admit it. See, apparently some people found it odd that Magnus had adopted a fourteen year old when he’d only been twenty five himself and those few who were willing to give his unconventional family a chance ended up running away the moment that they actually met Raphael and Raphael did everything that he could to chase them away.

It was intimidating to meet your partner's kids. Magnus understood the anxiety but he especially understood it when it came to meeting Raphael because as much as Magnus loved his son, he went out of his way to make the experience as dreadful as possible.

Magnus had hardly been able to date anyone since adopting his kids. Now, Magnus wasn’t really complaining. He loved his kids and he understood that Raphael was scared of him leaving. He was scared of him getting close to anyone else and deciding that he’d rather be there instead of with their family, as if that would ever happen.

It’s why Magnus had gone so long without dating anyone. When he’d first adopted Raphael, he’d wanted to focus on his son anyway. The adoption process had not been smooth sailing for them and after they’d finally settled in a place where they felt like a real family together, Magnus had agreed to foster Max, who’d only been a few days old when he showed up on Magnus’ door step. Fostering turned into adopting and after a few years, that slow process was finally over and Magnus had his two sons and nothing else to worry about.

Except dating. Magnus hadn’t had much time for dating when Max was a baby either and now… well, now Magnus was more than a little deprived and he was finally at a point where he knew Raphael, beyond his fears and anxiety, understood that Magnus loved him even if he went out one night to go on a date.

That didn’t quite mean that Raphael was thrilled when Magnus continued to go out on dates with one man, who he then intended to introduce to his children. Going out to have fun was one thing but inviting a new person into their lives, someone that Raphael was threatened by, was completely different.

Needless to say, the first time Magnus invited Alec over for dinner, he was a little nervous about how it would go. Raphael was already not thrilled about someone coming over, someone who Magnus clearly had deemed important enough to be brought over in general. Magnus hadn’t liked someone that much in a very long time and the weight of that alone he could tell already had Raphael on edge, which didn’t set the night up to go well.

It didn’t help that Alec himself was already nervous to meet Magnus’ kids. Magnus assured Alec that Max would love him but Max loved everyone. Max loved meeting new people, regardless of who they were. The same could not be said about Magnus’ teenager but if they could get through the dinner without Raphael deciding he absolutely hated Alec, Magnus would consider it a success. They’d work on Raphael liking Alec later. Tolerating was the first step and if they could get there, Magnus could sleep easy at night knowing that Alec and his child might someday get along.

Though, Raphael had already seemed to form an opinion on Alec even before he stepped foot in their house. Raphael had asked how old Alec was and frowned when Magnus had informed him that Alec was a couple of years younger than him. Raphael asked if Alec had kids and then frowned even harder when Magnus said no.

“So, why does he want to date an older man with kids?” Raphael had snapped finally, a question that Magnus didn’t really have an answer for. Most weren’t willing to go on a date with Magnus, after they learned he had kids, especially people who were younger than him. Young people were normally looking for fun, not someone already tied down with children, especially an older child who they had to work harder to get along with than they would a baby.

“Alec likes kids,” Magnus had responded finally but Raphael didn’t seem too pleased with that answer.

“So, why doesn’t he go get his own before he tries to date someone?” Raphael had quipped back. When Magnus stammered to respond, his expression shifted into an unamused smirk, “See, he obviously doesn’t like kids that much. He likes you.”

“He likes me and he likes kids, otherwise he wouldn’t like me that much, would he?” Magnus responded.

“Unless he thinks he can just ignore us until he gets you in bed.”

Magnus held back a sigh and then, he looked up at his son mildly. “He doesn’t think he can do that. He’s coming to meet you because I like him and because you and your brother are the most important part of my life. If he thought he could ignore you, he wouldn’t have agreed to come over for dinner.”

At that, Raphael pressed his lips but didn’t say anything more. Magnus could tell he hadn’t quite convinced his son of Alec’s intentions but Magnus didn’t imagine he would no matter what he said.

“You don’t have to like him,” Magnus said at last. “-but I’d appreciate it if you tried not to be rude.”

Raphael’s gaze tightened into a small glare but he said nothing.

“I think you’ll like him, if you give him a chance,” Magnus continued.

Raphael stared at him for another moment before he rolled his eyes and rose to his feet. “We’ll see,” he murmured before he was walking down the hallway to disappear into his room. Max instantly bounded out of his own room as he saw Raphael pass, chasing Raphael to see what his brother was doing.

Magnus sighed and pulled out his phone to send Alec yet another text about how good of a kid Raphael was and how he probably wouldn’t like Alec but it wasn’t Alec’s fault. After he sent it, Magnus sighed and threw his head back.

He didn’t understand how Alec was still willing to come over.

.

Magnus thought cooking would be a bit too much for their first dinner together. There was no need to put more on the table that could go horribly wrong tonight. Magnus decided to order take out instead. That way, Magnus didn’t have to cook and Alec didn’t have to come over and cook. Magnus would already have the food on the way. Alec would come over. They’d do introductions. The food would get there. They’d all eat together and depending on how horrible the evening went, Alec would say his goodbyes and leave, so Magnus could then send him a rambled text about how sorry he was and how he knew he wasn’t exactly an easy person to be dating.

He might do some damage control with Raphael as well and hopefully reassure him that he was an irreplaceable part of Magnus’ life and that even if he was dating someone, that didn’t mean he was leaving Raphael behind.

Then, maybe someday they’d try dinner again or maybe, Magnus would just continue to see Alec outside of the house, never introducing him to his kids again and hoping that Alec never wanted them to deepen their relationship in any way that would involve Alec becoming a big enough part of his life to have to meet his children for a second time.

One option seemed far easier than the other but Magnus didn’t know many people who would be okay not being involved with Magnus’ home life at all. Alec swore up and down that he’d be patient and he understood Magnus’ son was going to have issues with his presence but Magnus didn’t think Alec really understood how strong willed Raphael could be.

Most didn’t, until they met him. Magnus wondered if it was too late to cancel the dinner all together and then, he decided that it was.

.

Magnus had reservations about the entire dinner and that was before Alec showed up late. Now, it wasn’t exactly Alec’s fault. There had been a car accident on the highway and Alec had been stuck in traffic for nearly an hour. Alec felt horrible about it, if the countless text messages he sent Magnus were anything to go by but that also didn’t mean Raphael was that understanding about the whole thing.

With the food already growing cold on the table, Raphael had settled for staring at Magnus, his unamused expression saying everything his words didn’t need to. Then, when he didn’t seem happy with simply glaring and he’d finally spoken. “He seems really dedicated,” Raphael commented mildly.

Magnus held back the eye roll. “It’s not his fault. He can’t control the traffic.”

“Or he’s just busy with something else and he lied,” Raphael snapped back instantly.

“He’s not lying. He’s in traffic and he’s doing his best to get here,” Magnus insisted.

“Max is going to starve to death before he makes it.”

At that, Magnus did roll his eyes. “Max ate dinosaur chicken nuggets not even two hours ago. I don’t think he’s quite famished yet.”

Raphael fell silent for a moment before quietly speaking, suddenly sounding deeply offended, “I didn’t get dinosaur chicken nuggets.”

“You were asleep,” Magnus explained instantly, before his son could go on about how neglectful he was as a father for not asking if he wanted food when his brother ate. “Maybe, if you slept at a reasonable time and woke up in the morning with us, I could offer you dinosaur chicken nuggets with your brother.”

Raphael scoffed. “Why? If I stayed up later last night I’d still be asleep and I wouldn’t have to sit here and wait for your boyfriend to finally decide to show up.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Magnus murmured, pulling out his phone to see another text from Alec, informing him that he was finally turning off the highway.

“Oh, so you introduce us to every man you meet?”

Magnus shoved his phone back into his pocket and looked up to Raphael yet again. “He’s not my boyfriend until you like him,” he said before he could really think through that sentence. It was true. He wouldn’t date someone his son didn’t like but that didn’t quite mean Magnus had to inform him of that.

“Then you’ll never date someone again,” Raphael informed him.

Magnus left out a soft sigh. “We’ll see,” he said, echoing Raphael’s bleak words from before.

.

Alec finally arrived twenty minutes later. When Magnus opened the door, Alec appeared on the other side, out of breath and clearly having sprinted from his car all the way up the steps to Magnus’ loft.

“I’m sorry,” Alec rushed out instantly.

Magnus waved him off, ushering him inside instead. “It’s fine,” Magnus murmured, hoping Alec would leave his apologies at the door before Raphael could hear them and latch onto the weakness. “Come in.”

Magnus closed the door behind Alec, reaching to take his jacket as Alec shrugged it off. Alec turned to look at him as Magnus hung it up. For a moment, they stared at each other, a frantic air hovering between them in a way that had never happened before. Normally when they both met, things were easy between them. Magnus relaxed in Alec’s presence like they were meant to be together but here, Magnus met Alec’s wide eyes with an equally unnerved look of his own.

Magnus wanted this to go well. Alec wanted this to go well and yet, Magnus knew it would not and he was trying to be okay with that. Raphael was going to resist anyone Magnus brought into their lives. It had nothing to do with Alec himself and they’d already had that conversation before Alec had come.

But they both wanted it to go well anyway, even though it wouldn’t. Magnus wished he had managed to be more okay with that fact.

“Let’s go sit,” Magnus said finally.

Alec nodded and turned to follow Magnus as Magnus led him into the dinning room, where Max was happily babbling to Raphael as Raphael sat with his arms crossed. He’d been smiling a second before they walked in. Magnus could tell by the way his face changed. He’d been happily talking to Max but now, his face hardened. He sat stone faced as he watched them both walk in.

Magnus gestured to Alec. From the corner of his eye, Magnus saw Alec raise a hand to wave to them both. “This is Alec,” Magnus said, as if Raphael hadn’t heard Alec’s name a million times by now. Raphael knew who Alec was. That’s why he was glaring in his direction.

“Hi,” Alec rushed out. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Raphael-” Alec’s eyes darted over to Max, who was staring with wide eyed interest at the new stranger. “-and that must be Max.”

Magnus could hear that Alec was nervous. That wasn’t great and when Raphael heard it, his expression only tightened and became a touch angrier. He didn’t seem to appreciate Alec taking an interest in his brother. Raphael had always been protective. “Hi,” Raphael managed to ground out finally.

Magnus shot him a grateful smile. Saying hello was a good first step. “Sit, Alec-” Magnus said as he gestured to the table.

Magnus sat next to Max and Alec came to sit next to Magnus, thankfully leaving the seat next to Raphael empty. Magnus was pretty sure Raphael would have tried to stab Alec with his fork if he dared to sit next to him.

“The food looks good,” Alec said politely as Magnus reached for the dishes and started to plate some for Max and then himself.

“It was better a half an hour ago when it was warm,” Raphael murmured as he reached for the dish in Magnus’ hands.

Alec paled slightly. “I know, it probably was. I got stuck in traffic-”

Raphael cut Alec off before he could go on with his explanation. “I heard.”

Magnus reached for the plate again before he handed it to Alec. Alec seemed thankful to take it and have something to do with his hands.

“Alec’s here now,” Magnus said, smiling tightly across at his son. “That’s all that matters.”

Raphael said nothing to that and he stayed silent as Magnus and Alec started talking about Max and his drawings on the refrigerator. Max babbled happily as he reached for his noodles with his bare hands, chomping as he managed to get one into his hand. Every few minutes, Magnus or Raphael would stick their fork out and offer Max a bite of their own noodles, to make sure he was actually eating and not just playing with the food in his dish.

Raphael seemed more than happy to face away from Alec, focusing on his brother as if he failed to look over to Alec once during the meal, he would just vanish. That was better than being openly antagonistic, so Magnus would take the pointed silence without comment. If Raphael would let them have a few meals where Raphael ignored Alec, at least that was something. Maybe someday, Raphael would look at him and talk but Magnus didn’t want to get too far ahead of himself. The silence was enough for now and it remained for nearly the entire meal.

Magnus tried to engage Raphael a couple of times. He asked Raphael about an essay he was working on for school, prompting him to explain what it was about. When Raphael didn’t, Magnus explained instead.

Almost forty five minutes later, they were done eating and Max was covered in his food. Magnus thought it was good for Max to explore food by himself but that also meant that every single meal ended with his son looking like a disaster.

Magnus rose to his feet, reaching to pull his gooey child into his arms. “I’m going to go clean him up. I’ll be right back. Raphael, could you help clean up a little?”

Raphael nodded simply. He’d always been so polite about doing chores. Once when Max was merely a baby, Magnus had woken up to Raphael almost done cleaning the entire house. Raphael had brushed off Magnus’ thanks as if it was no big deal but Magnus knew it had been. Magnus loved his son. He was such a good kid. Magnus just wished other people could see that as easily as Magnus did.

Magnus left Raphael and Alec in the kitchen as he went to wash Max. He assumed that they’d pick up the dishes and sit in silence until Magnus returned but when Magnus did return twenty minutes later, he heard Alec and Raphael speaking. More specifically, he heard Raphael speaking.

Magnus paused in the hallway, holding Max a little closer as he listened. His toddler was uncharacteristically silent, as if he wanted to let Magnus listen too.

“He doesn’t date a lot of people,” Raphael was saying. “He just stays home with us and if he’s dating you, he must like you quite a lot but Magnus is stupid. He just trusts people and if you don’t actually care about him, then you leave and you don’t call him again. He doesn’t deserve to get strung along.”

There was a still moment in which no one spoke and Magnus did not dare to breathe. Then, Alec said, “Raphael, I really really care about your father. I like him a lot and I’m not going to hurt him. I’m here because I like him so much that I want you and your brother to like me too.”

“Just don’t hurt him,” Raphael repeated. “And we’re fine.”

“I won’t,” Alec promised.

Magnus stood in the hallway for a few more moments until Max started babbling. Magnus straightened up and then, he walked into the kitchen.

“Oh, look at how clean,” Magnus said, as if he hadn’t heard the conversation that had just happened. Magnus moved and pressed a kiss to Raphael’s head, something that made the teenager scrunch his face up and turn away, grimacing. Magnus kissed Raphael’s head sparingly because of that very reason but today, he couldn’t help but indulge himself. “Thank you,” he called as Raphael promptly fled the room, rolling his eyes in response.

Max squirmed as Raphael retreated. Magnus placed his toddler on the ground and he fled the room too, running after his brother as quickly as his little legs would carry him. Magnus met Alec’s eyes and smiled softly. “It went well,” he said.

Alec laughed and he sounded immensely relieved. He nodded. “Yeah. It went better than I expected. I don’t think... Raphael hated me?” He asked, looking anxious for reassurance that Raphael hadn’t informed Magnus that he absolutely despised Alec.

“No, he didn’t,” Magnus assured. Magnus thought about telling Alec that he’d heard what Raphael said but Alec didn’t tell him, so Magnus didn’t mention it. He wasn’t supposed to have heard it. It was a private moment between Alec and his son and Magnus would let them have it. Magnus liked that Alec didn’t tell him too. He liked that Alec didn’t tell him exactly what Raphael said the moment Raphael fled the room.

A lot of people would have but it took someone that respected Raphael to not say anything. Magnus needed someone that respected his children and he needed someone that was willing to put in the effort to get along with them, even when it was not easy.

That was one good thing about having Raphael. He would put Magnus’ partners to the test right away. There was no waiting for their true colors to come out. If they couldn’t handle Raphael from the beginning, then Magnus knew it wasn’t meant to be.

“Thank you, Alec.” Magnus murmured. “For coming and-” Magnus waved his hands vaguely. For trying with him. For caring so much. “For everything.”

Alec nodded. “Of course, Magnus.” Alec swayed towards him, asking hesitantly, “Could I-”

Magnus moved forward instantly, pressing his lips into Alec’s own. It was a blissful moment that Magnus was thankful to have, until Magnus heard Raphael’s voice from the doorway.

“Gross,” he snapped.

Max at his side burst into laughter, probably not understanding what his brother was referring to but finding it all very funny anyway. Max adored Raphael and anything he had to say was the funniest thing Max had ever heard.

Magnus pulled away from Alec, sighing softly.

They said their goodbyes shortly after and then, Alec left. Magnus wanted him to stay but they’d agreed on dinner alone and Magnus didn’t want to push whatever tentative agreement Raphael had made with Alec by asking him to stay. He’d come over again soon and maybe then, he could stay a little longer.

Magnus was surprised when that night Raphael asked when his boyfriend was coming back. Magnus informed Raphael that he wasn’t sure before he stopped and really thought about what Raphael had said. “I told you he wouldn’t be my boyfriend unless you liked him,” Magnus said after a long moment of silence.

Raphael did not respond but that let Magnus know what he needed to know anyway. Raphael had remembered what Magnus said and he’d said what he did on purpose.

Alec had gotten Raphael’s seal of approval, at least for now. One slight slip up and Magnus knew that Alec would lose it but Magnus didn’t think Alec would slip up. If he did, Magnus was sure his teenager was going to have a lot to say about it but for now, Raphael liked him.

That was so much more than Magnus had hoped for.

[khaleesiofalicante]

LOOK AT THEM!!!!!!

[thatnerdnextdoor24]

Bathtime and Bubbles

Technically. I didn't finish the Kit/Ty challenge. But, 27/30 ain't half bad. Besides, I simply did not vibe with the last three challenges. Now, instead, I re-read The Land I Lost, and uhhhhhhh want more Lightwood-Bane family content. This takes place at the end of The Land I Lost.

Ao3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They spent the next hour tumbling through the living room. Alec stood on the mats, teaching his boys how to stand and fall safely. Magnus called words of encouragement from where he sat on the floor, and translated in fluid Spanish for Rafe. Rafe himself had taken to the training like a fish in water, listening intently to everything Alec said, even if he couldn’t understand. After every tumble he looked to Alec for a shy approval, and when Alec praised him, he would go to hide by Magnus until his next turn.

Max had taken to the training with much enthusiasm, despite his lack for balance. But Alec was proud, nonetheless. Max stumbled through somersaults and always fell with a dramatic cry followed by a giggle. Magnus clapped after each one like it was a Broadway performance. Alec found himself laughing, a grin plastered on his face. 

He was showing Rafe how to tuck and roll one more time, when he noticed Max had curled up in Magnus’s lap, his eyes growing heavy. Another look at his family had him noticing Rafe try to hide a yawn. A softer smile came over Alec’s face, “Alright,” he said. “I think it’s time for bed.” Max seemed too tired to argue. 

Magnus translated in a soft voice, proof that he, too, was getting tired. Rafe suddenly looked at Alec with wide eyes, he shook his head rapidly and Alec didn’t need to speak Spanish to know what he said. I don’t want to be alone. Rafe ran forward and crashed into Alec’s legs, wrapping his arms tight around them.

The realization suddenly really hit Alec. Rafe had never been alone and safe. In Buenos Aires, he had slept in a room with Alec and Lily. Before that he had-

Alec didn’t like thinking about where Rafe might have slept before. 

He knelt down in front of the boy, enveloping his too small frame in his arms, “It’s okay. You’re okay. I won’t leave you alone.” He said in a low soothing voice. Rafael looked up at him, his eyes lined with unshed tears and his lip trembling. He nodded, once, and hugged Alec’s neck, nuzzling his face into his chest. Alec held him tight, looking over the boy to Magnus, who had that soft look again. He opened his mouth to say something but was caught off by a soft murmur, 

“I stay wif brodda Rafa…” Max mumbled from Magnus’s lap. Magnus huffed a laugh, “Good thing our bed is big,” he met Alec’s eyes, and if it wasn’t for the kids between them, he would have kissed Magnus right then. 

They scooped up the boys and carried them into their bedroom. By the time they had the two of them tucked under the blankets in the center of the bed, Alec felt ready to collapse onto the bed with them. He almost did, but Magnus grabbed on to his arm and pulled him back gently, “Easy tiger,” he whispered.

“You, my love,  are absolutely covered in soot, which, by the way, I still don’t know why or how,” He frowned, whipping a black smudge off Alec’s face for emphasis. Alec smiled, he liked the way Magnus reminded him of these things. Brush your hair. Did you eat lunch? That sweater has a hole in it. Before Magnus, Alec had never had anyone to take care of him. He pressed a kiss to Magnus’s temple, and when he went to pull away, Magnus held him there for a moment more. His hands traveling over his arms and chest and shoulders and back and, finally, his face. Just checking, to make sure he had come back in one piece. 

Alec kissed his lips again, Magnus smiled against him, “Seriously, you need a shower,” he scrunched up his nose. Alec chuckled quietly, pulling back. He pushed Magnus’s hair back, he leaned into Alec’s touch. His makeup was gone, his hair no longer spiked with gel, and his eyes closed against Alec’s hand. “I’m going to take a shower now,” Alec whispered, Magnus nodded, but still held on tight to him. 

“I’ll be waiting,”

“Okay.”

“Then you’ll tell me about Buenos Aires?”

“Okay.”

“Okay…” Magnus finally opened his eyes, giving Alec a sleepy smile. He wondered if Magnus would be awake when he came back. He kissed him once more, for good measure. It was slow and sweet, and woke Alec up just a little more. They finally pulled away. Magnus, to climb into the bed now occupied with their boys. Max and Rafe lay in the center, clutching each other tight. Magnus slid in on their left side, draping an arm over both of them. Alec smiled at them once more before disappearing in the bathroom.

The first look he got of himself in the mirror had startled him. He really was covered in soot. Alec was more surprised that Magnus had let him walk around for so long like this, or that his dad hadn’t said anything about it earlier that night. Alec sighed and stripped his soot covered gear off, throwing it into the bin that Magnus called, “The unredeemable gear bin,” 

The shower washed the soot off in dark streams. Watching the dirty water flow into the drain, Alec thought of the bottom of Rafael’s feet. Stained black from dirt. He had a feeling that Rafe would not like bathtime. And though he had yet to be bitten by the boy, (Who had a reputation of doing so) that might all change tomorrow morning during bathtime. 

Alec shook his head, the hot water rolling down his face. Steam filled the bathroom, and Alec closed his eyes against the familiar rhythm of the showerhead gurgling water above him. His moves mechanical as he reached for the soap and scrubbed the soot off his skin. He almost fell asleep, standing right there. But he managed to drag himself awake enough to turn the water cold. 

The iccy water tore a gasp out of Alec. He blinked several times before abruptly turning the water off. At least he was more awake now. He snatched the towel off the rack and rubbed at his face furiously. Shaking the water out of his hair. When Alec emerged from the steamy bathroom, he found three figures on the bed, right where he left them. All breathing in that quiet, familiar rhythm that sleep brought on. 

Alec dressed in Shadowhunter silence. Not even turning a light on in fear that it might wake them. Once he had downed a soft sweatshirt and sweatpants, he tiptoed to the right side of the bed. Careful not to disturb Rafe, whose back was turned to him as he clung onto Max, Alec eased himself under the covers. Despite his cold water awakening, once he had cuddled close to his new son, Alec felt that relaxing tiredness fall over him. He rested his arm on top of the boy, who didn’t even stir. Distantly, Alec wondered if this was the first real sleep Rafe had had since the Buenos Aires Institute fell. He closed his eyes, holding the boy close.

A hand wrapped his fingers around Alec’s. He knew who it was, and squeezed back on instinct. “You had a story to tell me?” A sleepy voice murmured over the mound of kids. “I thought you were asleep.” Alec whispered back, not even opening his eyes. “You thought you could get away with not telling me,” Magnus countered, Alec didn’t deny it. “There isn’t much to tell,” He pointed out, finally opening his eyes to find gold slitted ones looking back at him. The face he loved most.

“Yeah there is. You’re a hero and I want to hear about it,” “I’m not a hero.”

“I beg to differ.”

Alec huffed a laugh, and supposed that Magnus wouldn’t go back to sleep until he heard the story. The story of how Alec came home covered in soot. The story of how he found Rafael. So Alec bit the inside of his cheek, and decided on the best place to begin.

“Do you remember that werewolf girl we met on the Orient Express?”

~*~

The next morning, Alec woke to an empty bed and laughter floating from the kitchen. Along with a seamless stream of lovely Spanish and familiar English. Alec smiled into his pillows, his hand running along the still warm, rumpled sheets. When he ventured out into the kitchen, he found his boys sitting at the table, and Magnus talking to them from the kitchen counter, where he flipped chocolate pancakes. Alec stepped up behind him, wrapping his arms around Magnus’s waist. 

“Good morning,” he murmured, pressing his nose into the crook of Magnus’s neck, breathing in his sandalwood scent. Magnus reached back with one hand and tugged Alec’s hair playfully. “Good morning,” he said brightly. Perhaps with more energy than someone should have before breakfast. “We are making pancakes.” Magnus scowled at the boys at the table, “Well, I am making pancakes. Those two lazy bones don’t want to do the work.” he repeated himself in easy Spanish, then stuck his tongue at the two boys.

Alec chuckled as Max rose onto his knees from his chair and stuck his tongue back at his Papa. His face in a brilliant smile. Rafael sat in a chair next to him, a fluffy blanket wrapped tight around him. His eyes were wide and he seemed more shy than he was last night. Alec knew what he was feeling. Rafe had gone to sleep, and woken to find that he wasn’t dreaming. Alec had that feeling himself, many times. 

“Here,” Magnus said, pulling Alec back from his thoughts. He waved his hand through the air, blue sparks dancing between his fingers. A cup of coffee from the cafe down the street suddenly appeared in his hand. “I paid,” he said, as he held it out to Alec, before he could raise a brow. “We’re out of coffee beans.” Magnus supplied as Alec pulled away and took the coffee. “We’re out of a lot of things, I think I’m going to take Max to the store.” He said, lowering his voice so Max wouldn’t hear the word ‘go’ and get excited. 

“Maybe while you give Rafe a bath??” Magnus asked, wiggling his eyebrows. Alec had told him about his fears for bathtime last night, and Magnus had laughed and agreed. Alec took a sip of his coffee, “You just don’t want to be the bad guy,” he said, seeing through Magnus easily. Magnus waved him off, “What? Nooo. Hey look! The pancakes are done!”

Alec rolled his eyes with a smile, helping Magnus carry the pancakes to the table. Where, it seemed, Max was introducing Rafe to Chairman Meow. He was holding the cat up, over the table, while Rafe hesitantly ran his hand over the Chairman’s fur. The cat was surprisingly calm for once. Seeming to understand that he needed to be calm and still for this kid. A smile had blossomed over Rafe’s face, and grew bigger as Alec set a plate down in front of him.

Max discreetly pulled Chairman into his lap, holding the cat. Trying to be sneaky, even as Alec reached over to cut his pancakes for him. “Max, the Chairman doesn’t eat at the table,” Alec said without looking up. Max frowned, letting go. The cat immediately leaped from his lap and went to sit under Magnus’s chair. Alec felt Rafe’s eyes on him, with that narrowed, studying look of his. 

Rafe picked up his fork, and tried to cut his pancakes. The fork was held in an odd grip, and got stuck against a chocolate chip. Without thinking Alec moved to Rafe’s side. “Here, like this,” he said, gently. Rafe went a little still, but let Alec show him how to hold the fork, and cut his food. When Alec sat back down, he found Magnus looking at him with that odd, soft expression of his. Alec raised an eyebrow, but Magnus only leaned over and kissed his cheek. 

After breakfast, Magnus whisked Max away, promising Rafe that they were going to be back soon. Rafael seemed better this morning. Like he now believed that Magnus and Max were truly going to come back. Once they were gone, though, Rafe stayed sitting at the table, the blanket now fallen to the ground. In this lighting, Alec could see the dirt smudges on his neck and face, the grim under his nails. Alec licked his lips, steeling himself, and stood. If bathtime was bad with Max, he could only imagine how Stubborn Rafael would deal with it. 

“Come on,” he said, holding out his hand, and nodding down the hall. Rafe looked wearily, but took his hand, his fingers sticky with syrup. He stood, allowing Alec to lead him down the hall and into the bathroom. As soon as they entered, Rafe got more weary. When the water turned on, he out right bolted for the door. Alec beat him to the door and stood in front of it, blocking the exit. Rafe growled. 

“It’s just a bath,” Alec said, holding his hands up. “That’s all it is,” Rafael glared at him as if to say, That is NOT all it is. “It’ll be fun!” Alec tried, Rafe crossed his arms. Alec let out a breath, “Let me show you,” he pulled the bubble bath out from beneath the counter. While he approached the tub, Rafe backed up closer to the door, ready to run out at any given moment. Alec kept one eye on him while he poured the bubbles into the filling tub.

“Rafe, come look at this!” He called, waving Rafe over. The boy eyed him, but as Alec made an admiring noise at the contents of the tub, curiosity seemed to get the better of him. Rafe kept the distance between the two of them, as if he thought Alec might throw him into the bath. He stood on his tip toes, peering down. 

Alec heard him gasp, just a little, as the bubbles rose and rose from the water. While Rafe stared at the bubbles in wonder, Alec ran his fingers through the warm water. Before Rafe could remember that he didn’t want to be in the bath, Alec dashed his finger through the bubbles and booped Rafe’s nose. Leaving a soapy sud on the boy's nose. Rafe blinked, then erupted in giggles. Alec rumbled out a laugh in response. 

“See? Not bad at all,” Alec nudged him with his elbow, and gestured to the bath. Rafael still glared at him. But the corners of his mouth were quirked up into a smile. Gently, Alec tugged on the hem of Rafe’s shirt, “Will you get in the tub, now?” he asked. Rafael looked once more at Alec and said, “No te entiendo,” as he pulled his shirt over his head. “Boludo,” he muttered, and Alec decided not to hear it. 

He helped peel off the ratty clothes, revealing the too thin frame beneath. Leaving the dirty clothes in a pile. Alec scooped up Rafe with ease, placing him, gently, into the tub. Rafe let out a squeal as his feet touched the warm water, and a laugh when the bubbles stuck to his arms. 

Alec let out a breath and smiled. Turns out, Rafael secretly likes bath times. Who knew? When Alec poured some sweet smelling soap into his hand, Rafe held it to his nose and breathed in the scent with a smile. He let Alec scrub him clean. He even relaxed as Alec washed his hair. Alec’s heart burst when he blew the bubbles into the boy’s face, causing him to shriek with laughter. He was just rinsing the shampoo of the boy's head, when Rafe let out a sound of alarm. Alec yanked back, afraid he had hurt him, but Rafe held up his hands. His eyes wide. 

For a second, Alec wasn’t sure what was wrong. Then Rafe thrust his fingers into his face, and Alec noticed the pruned fingertips. A laugh tore its way through Alec before he could stop it. Rafe pulled back, startled. “It’s fine,” Alec managed between laughs, “That happens when you're in water for a while. It’ll go away when you dry off,” he promised. Rafe still stared wearily at his hands. 

Chuckling under his breath, Alec pulled the drain on the tub. The dirty, soapy water sucked down with a gurgling noise. Rafe stood abruptly at the sound, and watched the water go down with narrowed eyes, his pruned hands clutched to his chest. Alec snatched down a fluffy white towel off the rack, and wrapped it around Rafe’s little body. Then he picked Rafe up, out of the water, and carried him out of the bathroom. 

The new room Magnus had conjured last night, remained mostly empty. Except for the twin size bed and the giant window. Laid out across the bed was a new set of clothes that Magnus must have produced before he left with Max. Alec set Rafe on the floor, who looked at the clothes with raised eyebrows. The shirt was blue with a green dinosaur, wearing a cheesy grin across the front.

Rafe looked at it and shook his head. But he wore them nonetheless. He kept rubbing the fabric between his fingers, and Alec wondered when the last time he wore clean clothes was. The thought brought a frown to his face. It instantly fell away as Rafe pressed his face against the window, to look out at the city below. 

His eyes were wide as he took in the traffic and lights and people below. Alec remembered that Rafe hadn’t seen New York in the day. It suddenly struck him that he wasn’t even sure he had told Rafe where he was last night. So Alec came to kneel beside Rafe, and look out the window. “This is Brooklyn,” he said. Rafe tore his eyes away for just a second, “Brooklyn…” he whispered. His accent heavy over the word. 

Alec nodded, “Mmhm, in New York.” Rafe licked his lips, and mumbled the words, “New York…” With something like wonder in his voice. Alec found himself grinning, because Rafael was smiling. He looked so different from when he first met him, even if it was just a few days ago. There was more color in his face, his hair fluffier and curlier after being washed. His eyes were brighter. He held himself taller. Alec ruffled Rafe’s hair, his heart almost felt like it would burst. 

When Max and Magnus came home, they found Alec and Rafe on the floor, playing with legos. (They were succeeding in building the biggest tower and then knocking it down) Max ran for his new brother, tackling him to the ground in a giant hug. Rafe shouted in protest, scolding him in Spanish, and Max erupted in contagious giggles. While the boys rolled around and laughed, Alec stood to help Magnus with the grocery bags in his hands. 

Alec traded the bags for a kiss, “Hi,” he said, still smiling. Magnus smiled back, looking him up and down. “Your clothes aren’t soaked. I take it bathtime went well?” Alec flashed him a grin and a wink, sending a laugh through Magnus. “Turns out, Stubborn Rafael  is a fan of bathtime. And bubbles.” He said, putting the groceries away into their rightful places. When he looked back, he found Magnus staring lovingly, softly, to where the boys played in the living room. 

“Who’d have thought?” He whispered. Alec wasn’t sure what he was talking about. About the two boys, his sons, already acting like brothers. That he had sons at all. Or, that Rafael, with his serious face and stern voice, liked bathtime and bubbles. Regardless of which one it was, Alec wrapped his arm around Magnus’s waist, letting him lean against him. “Who’d have thought,” he agreed, pressing a kiss to his love’s temple. 

[aimforthedogstar]

Malec Drabble: A white couch

“I cannot believe you fell asleep with your dirty boots on the couch!” Magnus exclaimed, whirling around to face Alec who was leaning against the door jamb to their kitchen. “How many times have I told you to take off your boots at the door? And Alec, the couch! It's white, and it’s gonna take forever to clean this.”

“I was tired.” Alec shrugged, looking not that much bothered by the current events.

Magnus simply glowered at him and to be quite honest, Alec was a little amused by the situation. He wondered if smoke would soon start pouring out of his boyfriend’s ears. Magnus was a bit of a neat freak. A bit. Some messes in their home were a result of the man himself who would get so involved in whatever activity he was doing, he paid little attention to the chaos swirling around him. But some others would irk him endlessly. He wouldn’t bat an eye at the pile of clothes gathered on the floor of their closet but any of his makeup brushes out of its place would not sit right with him. He didn’t mind letting the dishes sit in the kitchen sink for a little while but could not handle food stains on kitchen counters while he was cooking and would incessantly clean them as he went. It was weird but oddly very endearing.

“This isn’t funny!” Magnus gritted out. “I can see your lips twitching, what on earth about this do you find funny?”

Alec had to admit he was never good at controlling his expressions. Especially not around Magnus. If he let himself delve more deeply in this particular matter, he would likely conclude this predicament to be a result of having to hide himself from the world for so long, to not let who he was show, so afraid to give voice to his soul’s yearning that it was easier to just keep all of it under wraps. But, somehow with him and Magnus, it was different. Magnus was someone who could read Alec like an open book in a brightly lit room from day one and Alec found that he liked to let himself be flayed open by his boyfriend and he loved that about Magnus, about their relationship.

So Magnus picking up on his underlying amusement to being berated for staining their white couch was bound to happen. So he let his amusement show completely all the while being aware that he was likely irritating Magnus further.

“It's just that the couch is white babe. It was bound to get dirty sometime or another. Seriously, why would you buy it in the first place?” Alec asked, maybe a little patronisingly.

Seriously, who would invest in a pristine white couch for their homes and expect it to remain the same. Alec would expect such furniture to belong to museums or art galleries or something of the sort, not in his lounge area where he would love nothing more than to relax and sink bonelessly into the furniture after a long day's work. 

With renewed indignation, Magnus yelled, “I asked you! When we were redesigning the loft after you moved in, I asked for your input and you said and I quote, ‘I don’t care, go crazy.’ and I went crazy.”

Alec snorted, “Babe, you went crazy a long time ago and me saying that shouldn’t give you more power.” If there ever were a fly on the wall privy to this ridiculous argument of theirs, the sheer fondness in Alec’s tone as he said this was unmistakable.

“Wrong, your words always give me power,” Magnus pouted, crossing his arms across his chest. “So you only have yourself to blame.”

Finally moving away from his earlier position, Alec approached his boyfriend, calmly stating, “I feel like this fight is devolving.” Placing his arms on Magnus’s hips and tugging his boyfriend closer, Alec added cheekily, “And I do take complete responsibility for driving you wild.” 

With a half hearted glare thrown his way, Magnus added, “I’ll take it to a dry cleaning service tomorrow.” 

“Magnus, that couch will not stay white no matter how hard you try, short of never using it and encasing it in glass, something will happen. I mean it, between our mutual love of red wine, your hosting nature and weekly dinner get togethers, my siblings and all around compounded clumsiness, there is very little hope. So I suggest, just flip the cushion and let it be.”

“Maybe we can donate and get a more robust one.” Magnus suggested, now completely melted into Alec’s embrace.

“That sounds like a plan, and I promise I’ll help this time around.” Alec said.

(I cannot believe the last time I sat down and wrote something. It has been so so so long. Anyway, I was itching to write something and this mess of words was what was born from it. It is not great, but it is also my first Malec fanfic, so... Enjoy)

[moonlight-breeze-44]

Darkest World, Blackest Night

Summary: 5 times Alec wants to die, and one time he wants to live.

Warnings: Suicidal thoughts and show-typical self harm

Read on AO3

~ 1 ~

It was three in the morning. Rain lashed against the windowpanes and thunder roared outside. The cold, blank walls of the New York Institute were the opposite of soundproof; they seemed to amplify every harsh beat of the storm playing its tempestuous song outside.

Alec Lightwood laid on his bed, facing the ceiling. He didn’t move. He didn’t speak. His jaw was locked in a straight line. He clenched his hands so tightly together that his nails dug bloody half-moon crescents into his skin. Outwardly, he didn’t appear to be struggling. No one who knew Alec would be shocked to see him without a smile on his face, and the harsh marks on his palms were expertly hidden. However, behind his ice-blue eyes, a storm far worse than the gale outside raged.

Alec’s mind was filled with poison. He felt like he was trapped in darkness without a light to be found anywhere. No matter what he did, he couldn’t get the incessant thoughts out of his mind. They clawed at him nonstop, their talons dipped in venom so powerful that it brought him to his knees on some nights.

Worthless.

Not good enough.

Useless.

Different.

Strange.

Freak.

Freak!

Alec let a breath of air puff past his lips, the only sign of the chaos running rampant in his mind. His skin itched for a blade, or one of his arrows, or a punching bag. He wanted to hurt. By the Angel, he wanted to hurt.

He wondered what he was doing with himself, really. Who was he, really? He was a Shadowhunter, of course; that much he knew. He was also a gay man. In his mind, those two balanced each other out. A gay Shadowhunter was about as good as a dead Shadowhunter to the Clave. He was a big brother. Yet, despite all of his best efforts, Izzy and Jace still managed to get hurt on some of their missions. Jace could still be found in his room in the dead of the night thrashing from a nightmare, whimpering and reciting, “To love is to destroy; to be loved is to be the one destroyed,” over and over again. Izzy still shrank back from her mother and kept her head down and eyes trained on the floor when Maryse portaled home from Idris to reprimand Alec for something.

In Alec’s twisted, broken view of himself, his role as a big brother was overshadowed by the failures he’d made in being such.

Alec pitched forward and raked his hands through his hair, leaving bloody smears in the inky black locks. He could feel something on the edge of his consciousness, something huge that threatened to rip apart everything he thought he stood for and more. He lowered his head into his hands and let it wash over him.

The realisation hit Alec like a brick to the face. He wanted to hurt, yes. He was about two minutes away from making an impromptu trip to the training room. But more than that, Alec didn’t want to be alive anymore. He was done. Done with the world, done with Shadowhunting, done with his fucking parents and their impossible expectations, done with not being good enough.

Alec wanted to die.

The sure, undeniable statement brought with it chills that raced throughout his entire body. Goosebumps exploded over his arms and tears pricked the back of his eyelids. As a child, he’d promised himself that he would die in a blaze of glory, from valiantly taking on a horde of demons or throwing himself in front of someone else. He would die revered. He would die a hero.

This? This was a coward’s death, and he knew it.

Yet, Alec couldn’t bring himself to want it any less.

“Alec?” A small, soft voice accompanied by three knocks on his bedroom door pulled Alec from his racing thoughts.

It was Izzy.

Alec moved to open his door, hiding his hands behind his back. “What is it, Iz?”

She bit her lip and looked down at the floor. “Can I sleep in here? The storm is scary.”

Alec felt warmth flood his chest. The thoughts from before retreated to a dark corner of his mind in favour of affection for his little sister. “Of course. Come on, get in here.” Izzy smiled gratefully and wrapped her arms around his legs as tight as she could.

“Thanks, bubba.”

Alec reached down and picked her up, carrying her over to his king-sized bed and tucking her in like the princess she was and would always be. She was so innocent. Alec knew that protecting her would always come first for him, no matter what. He still felt the itch, the burning beneath his skin that wanted for something to hurt. But his sister was in his bed, her big doe eyes looking up at him with such love that he knew there was nowhere else on the earth he’d rather be.

Izzy tugged on his wrist impatiently. “Come on!” She gestured to the other side of the bed, and Alec chuckled. He got in himself, throwing an arm around his little sister, who snuggled into his side and let out a happy sigh.

Alec placed a soft kiss on her forehead and closed his eyes.

Izzy’s warmth made him feel a little bit less ice-cold, and he thought to himself that maybe there was a chance he was doing just enough.

~ 2 ~

It was a dark, starless night. Black clouds had slid over the silver-grey face of the moon, obscuring it from view. The only light that permeated the seemingly endless darkness was the artificial glow of the cell tower across the street.

Alec reached into his quiver for what was certainly not the first time that night and nocked another arrow, letting it fly straight and true into the target 500 feet away. Blood dripped from his hands onto the roof of the Institute, but he ignored it. Another release brought another raw, painful line from his bow string, and Alec could almost sigh with the relief it brought.

Another mission had gone wrong. Another unsanctioned mission, to be exact. His parents had portaled from Idris and immediately locked themselves and Alec into the Head of the Institute’s office. The lecture had been unbearable.

“You are bringing shame upon this family, Alexander!”

“This latest endeavor of yours was foolish and irresponsible. I can’t believe you.”

“Your father and I are so disappointed in you, Alexander.”

“You’re supposed to be better than this! How dare you do something so stupid?!”

“Your siblings are hurt because of your incompetence.”

Their scathing words cut into his bleeding heart, and Alec tightened his grip on his bow and released another arrow with so much blinding rage that he was shocked it actually hit its target. His mother was right, of course. Jace and Izzy were in the infirmary because of his failure. He should have known there would be more than one demon. They traveled in packs, for fuck’s sake! And still he had blundered on into this unsanctioned mission and led his siblings straight into what was very nearly a massacre.

A jolt of pain made Alec double over, grimacing. He clutched his side and felt the thick, bulky bandage that was wrapped around his ribcage, concealed by his t-shirt. Technically speaking, he should be in the infirmary, as well. But he knew he didn’t deserve to be; not after what he’d caused. He’d snuck out as soon as Izzy and Jace fell asleep.

A small pool of blood darkened the ground near Alec’s feet. He took it in lazily, unconcerned. The weeping slivers of his palms dripped red steadily onto the stone. Alec lowered his bow and approached the edge of the roof, peering out at the street below. Yellow-orange lights from cars raced by, and various murmurs of city life floated up to the Institute’s roof, mingling with the seemingly deafening pound of Alec’s traitorous heart.

Alec imagined the wind in his face, the weightless sensation of falling, the idea of finally giving up control. Freedom.

He could almost taste it.

A bright, colourful image of Izzy filled Alec’s mind’s eye, followed quickly by an image of Jace. They were both happy; smiling and laughing, the corners of their eyes crinkling with joy.

Alec felt a pang of love surge up in his heart, and he groaned. He could see it easily; flinging himself off of that ledge, hurling himself to the cold, unforgiving street below. Yet, there was something holding him back. Actually, two somethings that had enough brightness in them to light up any room and called him ‘big brother’ with too much adoration and fondness.

Tears filled Alec’s eyes, and he blinked them away angrily. If he was ever going to lean a little too far over the edge, it would not be under the grueling weight of indecision.

Alec looked up to the sky, hoping the dark, toneless clouds might give him a clue as to what he was supposed to do. He just needed a sign; anything to steer him in the right direction.

As he gazed into the night sky, the black clouds began to part and, slowly but surely, a single star was revealed. It was Sirius, the brightest star in the sky. A shadow of a smile flitted across Alec’s face, and he kissed the tantalizing invitation of freedom goodbye for another night.

With one final glance at the star, Alec shouldered his bow and headed inside.

~ 3 ~

The bright, fluorescent lighting of his bedroom hurt Alec’s eyes. His head was pounding, and he felt impossibly cold all over in a way that had nothing to do with temperature. It wasn’t the first time he’d heard those poisonous words, of course; he was Alec Lightwood, and there were certain pressures that came with the name. This was, however, the first time that he had ever heard them hurled at him in his parabatai’s voice.

“Maybe your mother was right and your best just isn’t good enough!”

Alec closed his eyes, trying to block out the words that seemed to be imprinted on his mind. He and Jace had been at odds for a while, thanks to the damn redhead that had come along and messed everything up, but this was crossing a line Alec had once trusted him to never cross.

He was right.

The truth of Jace’s statement hurt more than the words themselves. Jace was right. He was the one who had failed. He had let Clary and Simon get taken by the Circle members. It was his failure, his mistake, his cross to bear. Alec let a small sigh escape. It seemed like he had far too many crosses to bear for only eighteen short years of life.

Alec was practically vibrating with emotion; he couldn’t sit still, no matter how hard he tried. He paced around the small space of his bedroom. Despite the lighting, darkness seemed to fold in on him from all sides. What was he doing? If he wasn’t good enough even for his siblings, for his parabatai, if he couldn’t manage to do anything right, then what the hell was he doing here? Did he have any purpose? If he did nothing but fuck up, then what the hell was the point?!

Alec whirled around and smashed his fist into the concrete wall of his bedroom. Immediately, excruciating pain shot through his hand. He groaned and dropped to his knees beside the fist-shaped indentation in the wall. He felt the energy bleeding out of him. He felt drained. He felt defeated.

Alec gazed down at his damaged hand. Bits of concrete clung to his misshapen fingers. The pain seemed to wrap itself around him, practically thrumming through his veins with every breath he took. It calmed him, centered him; it brought with it relief so undeniable that it made Alec’s chest ache.

A timid knock startled Alec from his thoughts, and he looked up at the door just in time to hear Clary’s voice. “Alec! Hey, Izzy said I should start learning how to be a proper Shadowhunter. Would you help me train?”

Alec felt his blood boil. After the day he’d had, the last thing in the world he wanted to do was help the same obnoxious redhead that had wormed her way into their lives and spun everything out of control. He stayed stubbornly silent.

An exasperated sigh came from the other side of the door, and then Clary’s voice again, slightly peeved: “Alec, I know you’re in there. Come on, open up!” A few seconds went by, and she added, “Please. You’re the best Shadowhunter here.”

“Why don’t you get Jace to train with you?” Alec called back bitterly. “I’m busy.”

“Jace wants me to train with you,” Clary insisted, and Alec felt something rise in his chest.

“Jace said that?” he replied incredulously.

“Yes,” Clary said. “I asked him first, and he told me I should go to you, that there was no one better.”

Alec felt a small blossom of hope unfurl in his heart. Maybe Jace hadn’t meant what he said before. Darkness still beckoned to him, and he had to fight back the urge to simply tell Clary to fuck off and leave him alone. Jace’s words still burned in the back of his mind, but the new words that Clary assured him had been said threatened to overtake them. Alec took a deep breath and let it out. If he could do nothing else right, he could at least make the redheaded girl into a halfway decent Shadowhunter.

Alec shook his head and tried to clear his thoughts. He couldn’t train with Clary like this. He needed to be on top of his game, show her what a real Shadowhunter looked like. He couldn’t afford to be off, especially if Jace really thought he was the best one to train her.

Alec stood up and called out to Clary, “Fine.” He grabbed his stele from his desk and traced an iratze on his damaged hand. It wouldn’t heal it completely; multiple iratzes would have to be used for that. But it would push his fingers back into their proper place, thus hiding any evidence of his shortcomings to the excitable little girl outside.

Alec’s mouth tightened into a straight line. This way, the pain would still be there while they trained, as a reminder to himself of what he had on the line if he didn’t do well enough.

Clary knocked on the door again impatiently, and Alec hurried forward to throw it open. She took a step back in surprise and he smirked.

“Come on,” he said to Clary, striding past her towards the training room. “We have work to do.”

~ 4 ~

Alec turned down another dark street corner, weaving his way past piles of trash and dodging rats that scurried out in his path. The tears that he had been traitorously unable to keep from falling froze on his cheeks in the cold, and his bruised, bloody hands were numb around his bow.

He wasn’t sure where he was going, or even why he’d jumped off the roof of the Institute, other than to get away from Jace’s unwanted sympathy. Sympathy he didn’t deserve.

Alec’s hands tightened around his bow and he wished desperately for a demon to appear so he would have an excuse to feel that delicious pain again. A second later, however, his stomach rolled at the thought of demons. He remembered the reason he was on that roof in the first place.

The demon. Jocelyn.

Alec closed his eyes and bit his lip, hard. Another rat hurried past, and Alec had an arrow nocked in a flash, releasing it to fly at the rat. He swore as the arrow missed its target, coming to rest next to a trash bin a few feet to the left instead.

Alec couldn’t believe what he had done. He had let a demon in. He had killed Clary’s mother. He was the reason Izzy was hurt. He couldn’t save Jace from the City of Bones. He inhaled sharply. By the Angel, he’d killed Jace’s mother! The guilt crashed into Alec like a freight train and he stumbled under the weight of it.

The city of New York at night was really quite beautiful, and under any other circumstances, Alec might have been able to appreciate it. That night, however, the street lamps that usually filled him with comfort and security looked garish and were entirely too bright. The plastic Santa and the herd of lively reindeer that followed him in a shop window that might have brought a smile to Alec’s face any other night looked gaudy and fake. The world surrounding Alec was full of reminders of what he’d done; Jocelyn would never experience another Christmas, nor be able to appreciate the city at night any longer.

Alec swore and began to run.

Eventually, his feet carried him to the Brooklyn Bridge. He wasn’t sure how he’d ended up there, or even if he consciously thought about his destination at all, but as he stared out into the dark water below, he found he didn’t care.

Without pausing to think about it, Alec climbed onto the ledge overlooking the stormy water and swung his feet around to the other side of the bridge, until his grip on the railing was the only thing keeping him from plunging two hundred feet down, down, down into the ice-cold water below.

Alec let out a shaky breath. He didn’t understand how Jace could even look at him after what he’d done. He couldn’t even look at himself. Alec stared into the dark abyss below him. He had taken a life. Taking his own seemed, in a way, almost like poetic justice.

Alec’s grip on the steel railing wavered, and he allowed himself to bask in the imagination of the act; of letting go, of falling, of being free. His bones ached with want and his mind screamed at him to do something, to make a decision, to give up and give in to his most shameful of desires.

Alec’s hands trembled on the railing. Tears filled his cool blue eyes for the second time that night and he blinked them away angrily. He knew what was holding him back. The smiles of Jace and Izzy, burnt into his memory from happier times. The warmth of Magnus’s hand in his own, thumb caressing his skin as he stumbled over an apology to the warlock for his behaviour towards him.

Alec shook his head, trying to dispel the thoughts. He didn’t deserve them, any of them. They were too good for him. He was selfish and a failure, never good enough; they were perfect, beautiful, amazing. He swallowed hard. His hands ached from gripping the edge of the bridge so tightly. It was too dark to see, but he was confident that his knuckles were turning white.

He could hear the rushing of the water below, and it calmed him. The water would be ice-cold, but he had been colder than that for months. It would be a welcoming demise.

Alec felt the grip he had on the railing begin to loosen. His numb, trembling fingers were cut and sliced by the sharp steel, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. The inky black expanse of darkness stretched out in front of him as far as the eye could see. It looked so inviting.

Alec’s heart pounded with - what was that? Was it fear? No, that couldn’t be right. Alec wasn’t afraid.

Alec wasn’t afraid to die.

Was he?

A loud buzz from his pocket startled him from his thoughts. He dug his phone out of his pocket with cold, shaky fingers to look at the text he’d received. It was from Magnus.

M: Jace told me what happened. I’m worried about you. Come home, Alexander.

Alec felt his heart clench and all of the breath seemed to have been stolen from his body.

Come home.

He knew Magnus most likely meant ‘home’ as in the Institute or his family. But Alec took it to mean something so much different.

Alec took a deep breath, gazing out beyond the bridge. The darkness still called to him, but he had somewhere to be. Somewhere he could be.

With that, Alec shared one last look with the tempting, dark waters underneath the Brooklyn Bridge and began to run again.

It was only a few short, adrenaline-pumped minutes later when Magnus found Alec, sitting on his fire escape and wearing an expression that no one, not even Alec himself, could decipher.

~ 5 ~

Alec threw another cruel punch to the black punching bag in front of him, trying to drown out the thoughts that raged in his mind.

It was, inherently, his fault that Magnus had given up his magic. He’d done it for him. For his parabatai, to spare him the pain of losing the other half of his soul. And now the crushing weight of that decision had come back to haunt them both.

Fire burned in Alec’s veins, fueling the rage he used to beat the punching bag senseless. There hadn’t been a single moment after he learned what Magnus had done that he hadn’t blamed himself. A small, selfish part of him was almost happy that he and Magnus would be able to grow old together. That was before he saw the true extent of the damage being without his powers was causing Magnus.

Alec couldn’t remember the last time he felt guilt this strong; even the guilt of killing Jocelyn had been nothing compared to this. Muttering bitterly to himself, he realised that this was also the first time in quite a while that he’d turned to a punching bag instead of his boyfriend.

Magnus helped Alec. Any fool with a single working brain cell could see that. But it went beyond what any outsider could see. Magnus understood. He knew what it was like to feel trapped, as though pain and misery were the only ways out. Magnus had made him promise, after that fateful night on the balcony at his party, that he would come to him if it ever got ‘that bad’.

Alec’s heart ached with how much he wanted to keep that promise, because it was definitely ‘that bad’.

But he knew he couldn’t. Magnus was battling his own demons, and Alec was not going to do anything that would add more to Magnus’s plate.

So, instead, in a desperate effort to keep himself off the roof of the Institute, Alec had made his way to the training room and sought out a punching bag.

That was hours ago.

Alec vibrated with nervous energy as he threw punch after punch to the bag, which arced away from him due to the force of his blows. His hands were long past recognizable, and bruises circled his wrists. Blood seeped from his knuckles and stained the bag with every strike he made. His palms were littered with little marks from his nails pressing into the skin every time he closed his fists too tight.

Logically, he knew he should find Jace or Izzy, ask to go out on a hunt or watch a movie with them. They would help; they would give him whatever he needed. They would even sit and listen if he was willing to talk.

However, Alec also knew that he was much too proud and much too stubborn to even entertain that idea. His siblings had never seen him at his worst. He wasn’t going to subject them to that because the pain was too much for him to handle.

Alec rested his forehead against the punching bag, breathing hard. He was bone-tired and he felt more drained than he’d ever felt before in his entire life. The steps up to the roof were highlighted like a golden staircase in his mind, and his entire body trembled with the thought.

Magnus didn’t need him. Hell, he was the reason that Magnus had lost everything that made him who he was. He should hate him. Jace and Izzy would be fine. Simon and Clary, as well as his other friends, would eventually come to realise that the death of their hardass leader wasn’t such a bad thing after all.

Alec took a deep breath, tried to remind himself of everything that Magnus had told him about these types of thoughts.

They aren’t true, Alexander.

He groaned and turned away, eyes stinging with an incoming onslaught of tears that he bit his lip hard enough to draw blood in order to stave off. He paced around the training room, running his hands through his hair. Blood made streaks in the black, but didn’t notice. He was too busy trying to regain control of himself.

Magnus needs me, he attempted to remind himself.

No, he doesn’t. You’re the reason he’s in this mess.

Alec whimpered uncharacteristically and sank down onto a bench, burying his head in his hands. He pulled at his hair, letting out a small sound of pain. When he looked up, his eyes fell on a seraph blade hanging on the wall next to him. He picked it up and studied it. A quick test with the tip of his finger proved that it was sharp. Very sharp.

Alec shuddered. He found himself unable to put it back where it belonged. Instead, he ran his fingers along the smooth sides of it and imagined what they would feel like jammed into his skin, bleeding the life out of him.

“Alec?” Alec jumped at the unexpected voice and looked up to see Jace standing in the doorway to the training room. His hair was messy with sleep and his shirt looked rumpled, like he’d just woken up. He wore black sweats and his eyes were filled with worry.

“What are you doing here?” Alec mumbled.

“I woke up and felt that something was wrong,” Jace said, gesturing to the place on his hip where Alec knew his parabatai rune was.

“Oh. I’m sorry for waking you. You can go now,” Alec said through shaky lips. His hands trembled on the seraph blade, which Jace was eyeing with worry. He clutched it tighter, not willing to let it go just yet.

“Like hell,” Jace responded fiercely, and he let himself into the training room, walking over to Alec until he was directly in front of him. He peered down at the older boy, his gaze concerned and inquiring. “What’s wrong, Alec?”

Alec ached to open his mouth and let all of his woes spill out, but he knew he couldn’t. Jace didn’t deserve to listen to all of those dark thoughts that he kept locked up inside himself, thoughts that only emerged in the form of violence and drunken midnight confessions to his boyfriend - the same boyfriend who was sleeping off his own intoxication back at the loft as they spoke.

So, instead, he said nothing.

Jace let out an exasperated sigh and reached for the seraph blade in Alec’s hands. Alec surrendered it reluctantly, watching as Jace hung it back on the wall in its place. Then, Jace took a seat next to Alec on the bench and gripped his parabatai’s shoulder.

“Alec, come on, man. I’m your parabatai. Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

Alec let a breath of air puff past his lips and fought against the urge tell Jace exactly how he was feeling. He clenched his bloody hands together in his lap, an action that did not go unnoticed by his male counterpart.

Jace inhaled sharply at the sight of Alec’s hands, which were even worse up close. He moved the hand that was on his shoulder to rest on one of Alec’s bruised wrists. He rubbed that hand back and forth lightly in a soothing motion.

“Please, Alec? I can feel how badly you’re hurting, and it’s hurting me. I just want to he - ”

“I really want to kill myself,” Alec blurted out. He immediately regretted it when he saw the horror slide onto Jace’s face. The hand that was on his wrist stopped its motion, and Jace rocked back on the bench, his mouth forming an involuntary ‘O’ shape.

“I - I - Alec, I - what the fuck?”

“Sorry,” Alec apologised. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to spring it on you like that.”

“No, seriously, Alec, what the fuck?”

“Yeah, I know,” Alec replied tonelessly. “Pretty crazy, huh?”

“No!” Jace exclaimed. “Not crazy, serious! I mean, this is really fucking serious! How long have you felt like this?”

“...all my life?”

Jace looked aghast. “You’re kidding.”

“No, I’m not.” Alec sighed. He’d already damned himself. He supposed he might as well give Jace the full story. “I’ve been having suicidal thoughts for a long time, Jace. Even when we were kids. This is just the first time you know about them.”

Jace’s eyes were wide with shock, and he seemed to be at a loss for what to say.

“You don’t have to tell anyone else,” Alec hastened to assure him. “This isn’t something that happens a lot. J-Just sometimes.”

“Sometimes is still really bad, Alec,” Jace replied.

“Like you’ve never thought about it before,” Alec scoffed.

Jace shook his head, his eyes huge and his expression solemn. “No. Never. Maybe it’s crossed my mind once or twice, but it was in and out faster than a vampire’s bike. I’ve never, you know, thought about it. Not ever.”

Alec didn’t know what to say to that. He focused his gaze on his lap once more, pinching the skin of his hands together. He slumped in his seat, biting his lip.

“Y-You know I’d be devastated if you did that, right?” Alec turned to face Jace, whose expression made tears rise to Alec’s eyes. “I mean, devastated doesn’t even begin to cover it. I’d be fucking wrecked, Alec. I don’t know that I would survive losing you.” His voice cracked, and his eyes were glassy with unshed tears. “I love you so much. Please don’t leave me, parabatai.” With that, Jace reached forward and pulled Alec into his arms for what was one of the tightest hugs Alec could ever remember receiving.

As Jace held him reverently in the brilliant light of the training room, as though he were a fragile piece of china that might break at any second, Alec thought that maybe the cure to the burning desire that lurked beneath his skin and waited in the corners of his mind to reappear when he was most vulnerable was the love of his family.

Later that night, when Jace had Alec in his bed, dressed in sweats and one of Jace’s old t-shirts, his phone buzzed. It was an apology text from Magnus. An apology text that was a paragraph long. Alec was so caught up in reading it and dealing with the onslaught of emotions that followed that he almost didn’t notice Jace tracing his stele over Alec’s wounds.

After the text had been replied to and Jace had gotten into bed himself and turned the lamp off with a whispered, “Goodnight,” to Alec, Alec wondered if perhaps he didn’t deserve all of the misery that he had always forced onto himself.

~ +1 ~

Alec twisted his head around to try and see what the ex-Circle members who had captured him were doing. He heard crashes and various sounds of things moving around, but he couldn’t see; it was too dark.

Beside him, Maia growled, her eyes glowing green in the darkness. Alec swore under his breath and wondered again how exactly they’d gotten into this situation.

It was a normal afternoon, for the most part; he had breakfast with Magnus in the morning and went out on a hunt with Jace and Izzy afterwards. Following that, he had returned to his office to begin muddling his way through his ever-growing stack of paperwork.

It was then that Maia had burst in unannounced, exclaiming that tensions between the vampires and werewolves had reached a tipping point, and she needed a mediator. Alec, only too happy to abandon his paperwork, readily agreed. When they returned to the Jade Wolf, however, they were immediately captured by four Shadowhunters with faded Circle runes, who dosed Maia with some sort of silver poisoning and knocked Alec out with a sedative gas.

When he came to, they were both tied to chairs in a nondescript warehouse that Alec was sure he’d never seen before. Boxes were piled around them and rats scurried back and forth between their feet. Dust lined every surface in sight, and old cans of paint gave the entire building a sickly odor.

The ex-Circle members from before emerged from another room. One was carrying a revolver filled with what were, Alec was sure, silver bullets. Another held a fiery branding tool that looked like it’d been raked over hot coals recently. Alec tried not to shudder. The third ex-Circle member was carrying a seraph blade, which he waved mockingly at Alec. Alec’s hands clenched into fists. Valentine’s still-loyal (even in his death) followers didn’t deserve to wield a seraph blade like a real Shadowhunter.

The fourth and final ex-Circle member strode forward carrying a heavy silver sword, which he leveled at Alec’s neck in a way that made it impossible to look sideways, nod, or move his head in any manner.

“Do you know why you’re here?” the ex-Circle member asked.

“No, so why don’t you enlighten us?” Alec grumbled. The ex-Circle member smirked.

“I thought not.” He sneered. “You’re a traitor to the Clave, engaging in Downworld affairs. Making friends with these people!” He spat. “Married to one of Lilith’s children.”

“Thank you, Captain Obvious,” Alec mumbled, unable to help himself.

The ‘leader’ of the group of Valentine’s loyalists glared at him, and Alec glared back, his gaze hard and unflinching.

“What does Maia have to do with this?” he asked. “She isn’t a Shadowhunter.” He knew the answer already, but he was trying to stall for time. If he could distract them long enough, Magnus would realise something was wrong when he didn’t show up for dinner and track him.

“She’s even worse,” another of the ex-Circle members spat. “She’s a werewolf. Disgusting creature.” He pressed the branding tool into her skin, and Maia howled in pain. Alec’s blood boiled and he fought against his bindings with all of his might.

The group member holding the seraph blade stepped forward at a gesture from the leader and pressed the tip of it to Alec’s skin. “We tricked you into believing that this werewolf here needed your help. Vampire glamours are surprisingly easy. We knew you’d come running to help the filthy creature. It was a perfect trap,” he gloated.

Alec sucked in a sharp breath as the ex-Circle member pressed the seraph blade into his skin, slicing his shirt open in one clean motion.

“Are you going to kill us or not?” he asked them, “because this is getting pretty boring.”

“Oh, we’re not anywhere close to finished yet,” the second member of the group said, earning him a sharp, reprimanding look from the leader.

“Yes, we are,” the leader said. “We don’t waste too much time with these things.” With that, he pressed the sword into Alec’s neck even deeper. “Any last words?”

A million thoughts raced through Alec’s mind. Izzy, Jace, Simon, Clary. Magnus...By the Angel, Magnus. His husband was waiting for him at home, probably making dinner. Alec had been pleasantly surprised after they were married to find out that Magnus preferred cooking in the traditional way to using magic.

Alec felt fondness creep into his heart. Magnus liked to hum when he cooked. Alec wondered what he was humming now.

Emotions rushed through Alec’s veins like the tide of the ocean crashing over rocks on a bank. Fear, love, ferocity, adoration, determination, fear - He was hit with a sudden, startling realisation: he wanted to live.

Alec Lightwood-Bane was many things. A brother, a parabatai, a leader, a husband. But suicidal was not one of them. Not anymore.

A plan of action formed in his mind and he chanced a quick glance to his left to see that Maia was eyeing him in the same manner. He nodded minisculely at her, and she nodded back. With that, Alec faced the ex-Circle member once again and gave him a choice finger. The ex-Circle member pressed the sword into his throat with enough force to make Alec scream, if the sword was anywhere other than right on his vocal chords. He shifted his gaze over to the werewolf beside him, and she winked.

Maia leapt into action, shifting into her wolf form with what little energy the silver poisoning hadn’t stolen from her. The member of the group holding the sword whirled around at the commotion and Alec seized his opportunity.

He shoved himself backwards with everything he had, knocking the sword from the leader’s hands with his bound ankles as he went. He crashed into the floor, his head slamming against the concrete, sending waves of pain shooting through his entire body.

Alec grabbed frantically for his phone, which had slid out of his pocket when he tipped backwards, and pressed #1 on his speed dial. Magnus picked up almost immediately, greeting him with a cheerful, “Nice to hear from you, Alexander. To what do I owe this pleasure?”

“Corner of 36th and Main,” he wheezed. He heard a whimper to his left, and he knew the window of time Maia had created for him was about to close. “Warehouse. Hurry.” Alec heard the click of the call being disconnected, and he peered up through bleary eyes at the ex-Circle member who had held a sword to his throat before. His hands were stained with blood and Alec felt a jolt of panic shoot through him. He could no longer hear Maia.

The distinctive whoosh of a portal rushed through the warehouse, along with choked sounds of surprise from the ex-Circle members. Alec’s breath caught in his throat at the telltale tingle of Magnus’s magic. His husband was here. He’d gotten the message.

Alec felt his bonds snap free, and he righted himself just in time to see Magnus wrapping a magical rope around two of the loyalists’ necks, choking them. Alec sent a roundhouse kick to the leader in front of him, who was still holding the sword. He went down with a choked wheeze and an attempt to pull Alec with him.

“Do you surrender yourself to the authority of the Clave?” Alec shouted.

“Never!” the leader called back. He struggled underneath Alec, trying to get a hit in anywhere he could. Alec pried the sword from his grasp and ran it through his abdomen.

Magnus shouted, “Alexander!” and Alec threw him the sword without looking. He knew Magnus well enough to know what he needed, what that tone of voice meant. Alec’s gaze was on Maia’s crumpled form. He raced to her side as Magnus killed one of the ex-Circle members in his hold, cuffing and knocking out the one that had decided to surrender for Alec to deal with later. The final ex-Circle member laid next to Maia, his throat ripped out.

Magnus crouched next to Alec and began to work, healing what he could of Maia’s wounds. Alec watched in a daze as the burn from the branding tool disappeared and the long cuts across her face and arms from the battle closed up under Magnus’s ministrations.

“She’ll have to go to the Praetor for the silver poisoning,” he said when he had finished. “I know someone there. I’ll have her treatment expedited.” With a wave of his hand, Magnus conjured a portal and took Alec’s hand in his own. “Come on.” He lifted Maia with his magic and they disappeared into the portal to deliver her to the Praetor Lupus.

When they returned, Alec transported the remaining ex-Circle member back to the Institute, where he was thrown into a holding cell. Jace and Izzy appeared as Alec was making his way to his office.

“Are you alright?” Izzy cried, wrapping him in a tight hug. “Magnus called and told us what happened. By the Angel, Alec.”

“I’m fine, Iz,” Alec said, smiling at her. “Promise.”

Jace pressed his forehead to Alec’s, something the very first parabatai had done to comfort each other centuries ago, when Izzy retreated. “Glad you’re okay, parabatai.”

Alec said nothing, but he squeezed the back of Jace’s head in reassurance. I’m here. I’m okay.

Later that night, after Magnus had tended to Alec’s injuries and fussed over him until Alec demanded he stop, Magnus and Alec sat together on the couch in a comfortable silence. Alec curled into Magnus’s side and buried his face in the warlock’s shoulder. Magnus’s deep, throaty chuckle reverberated down Alec’s spine, and he sighed in contentment.

This was how it was supposed to be.

“Magnus?” he said, peering up at his husband, whose glamour was down. Alec felt a rush of affection for the man in front of him, the man that kept his gleaming yellow cat eyes so hidden from everyone else. Magnus hummed in response, threading his fingers through Alec’s hair.

“I want to live,” Alec said suddenly, and with so much force behind it that he surprised himself.

Magnus, however, didn’t seem surprised at all. He fixed Alec with a blinding smile and kissed his lips tenderly.

“And so you will.”

Somehow, though it was the simplest response Magnus could have offered him, it was exactly what Alec needed to hear. 

[malec-ao3feed]

[Art] Chairman Meow is a Rude Alarm Clock

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/GV4i0r1 by Kasiroll Chairman Meow decides to pay a sleeping Malec a visit in the middle of the night and Magnus learns the side effects of sleeping next to a heavily armed angelic warrior. Digital fanart for the prompt: Jolting Awake This work was created for By the Angel Bingo: Presented by the Malec Discord Server" Words: 18, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Series: Part 5 of By the Angel Bingo entries Fandoms: The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: M/M Characters: Magnus Bane, Alec Lightwood, Chairman Meow (Shadowhunter Chronicles) Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood Additional Tags: Crack, Fluff and Crack, Humor, Domestic Fluff, Literal Sleeping Together, Protective Alec Lightwood, BAMF Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Magnus Bane Is So Done read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/GV4i0r1

[needacuppa]

Domestic Fluff things

A hugging B from behind while B groggily makes his first cup of tea/coffee.

A falling asleep on the couch while waiting for B to return home. When B returns home, he grabs a blanket and joins A on the couch.

After B starts complaining about how A always procrastinates doing chores ( eg. messy clothes, never making the bed, putting off chores), A tries to change. So A sets multiple alarms and reminders throughout the day as a reminder to do the chores. But even with the alarms, A is failing behind. ( Basically like in b99 White Whale episode when Jake was doing the wedding planning stuff ) When B finds out about all of this, he is secretly touched that A is trying to change. Thus, he subtly leaves less chores for A to do so A won’t fall behind.

Cooking together!!

B returns home exhausted and knocks out the moment his head touches the pillows, A sits beside B, gently massaging him before joining B under the covers to sleep.

Sitting on the couch doing their own things but leaning on each other/ using each other as leg rests.

A burning the candle on both ends in the dead of the night. B is worried so he tries to persuade A to sleep. Only after loads of coaxing, A finally closes the laptop and goes to bed.

please add if you have any more domestic fluff scenarios!

[raewrites98]

It’s Hard To Breathe (Sometimes)

Magnus is surprisingly quiet for as ill as he is. Alec is used to being around Isabelle and Jace, who tend to complain and whine, but instead, Magnus silently eats the soup that Alec feeds him with a far-away look in his eyes.

“How is it?” he asks.

Magnus’ lips are chapped, dark circles ring his eyes and his hair sticks out in all directions. Yet when a soft smile curls his lips, it’s still the most beautiful thing Alec has ever seen. “It’s good.”

Alec’s heart stutters. “I’m glad you like it,” he says.

(Read Chapter 2 on AO3!)