#don’t trust how you feel about your life after 9pm and all that

[emraev1212]

WIP Wednesday

Thanks for the tag, @bludazey !!

This is a very rough draft for a oneshot I wrote a couple months ago. I was thinking about what Astarion’s pov might’ve looked like and this just came out of me.

(Makes a bit more sense after reading the first part, but probably not necessary.)

They all play by the campfire. Someone tells a joke and the others laugh. Some push and shove, petty fights devolving into chasing around the fire.

Astarion is no stranger to fools. He’d spent the better part of the last two hundred years luring them. And by the gods, they all act like fools, but none of them would’ve taken his bait.

All of them are stronger than they seem. Smarter.

And yet, they look to one before the rest. Their fearless leader.

Who is so very different from them. So different, it’s painful. How did she become leader? She pretends to be good and kind and the others eat up her whole charade. She plays as one of them, and once she’s done enough to cement her status, she falls back.

Different from the others indeed, but so painfully familiar.

But her performance is pitiful. She blunders through half of her interactions. Even now, she sits and simply watches the fire instead of maintaining her status. How does she do it?

How can she put so little effort in and still reap the rewards?

It’s unfair.

It’s unfair that she is who he must target. Because she has the others wrapped around her little finger and if he could attach himself to her, the others would be forced to keep him.

It’s unfair that his target has become his opponent. That she understands that this is a game and yet she’s so horrendous at it. She treats him as if any of this is real. She acknowledges the game, and yet she still plays it on the same terms.

It’s insulting. She thinks she can beat him without even trying.

It’s infuriating that he doesn’t even know what she wants from him. Why does she bother? He has nothing more to give than his daggers in battle. He’s used to using his body as a bargaining chip, but he’d rather not go there yet. He can hardly stand speaking to her, much less sleeping with her. They’re both fake, but at least when he flaunts it around, it’s funny, another lure.

She’s given so much: her sword, her “kind” words, her blood. All he can do now is wait for her to collect her favors and hope he can endure them. He must, after everything he’s done.

What’s the worst she could ask of him?

She stands now, moving and jumping and calming the wizard. Then she scurries away in Astarion’s direction.

So he fixes himself, unassuming, yet enticingly up to no good, ready for the next round of the game.

She stands before him, silent. Astarion takes the lead and throws out a witty line.

But she doesn’t respond as she should. Instead, she stumbles through the dance. How can someone be so arrogant? Does she not see him as someone worthy of tricking? Why bother with him at all, if that’s the case.

Though, it’s not exactly stumbling. She seems more like she’s in a daze, eyes staring far beyond him.

How peculiar.

So he invites her to sit, to properly begin the game. Yet she still won’t participate, only sitting and staring. Honestly, why is she even here if she isn’t going to play?

He prompts her once more, and then there she goes, acknowledging the game to his face. “I’m not in the mood for games tonight.” It’s mockery. It can’t be anything else. How can she say such things and pretend they hold no weight?

He keeps his annoyance firmly beneath his mask, and prompts more conversation. As long as she’s talking, she’s giving him information. If she talks long enough, maybe there will be something of use.

Finally, she gives him something to work with, saying, “Because I need to be alone.”

But what is he supposed to do with that? Is that supposed to be some kind of poorly-formed innuendo? What does she want from him? He’s known both wolves and sheep in his long unlife, but she doesn’t fit perfectly into either category.

She is watchful, like him. She knows exactly what to say and do to keep the others content. She has the senses to sniff out other predators in her midst. Yet she acts so pathetic, brazenly displaying all her vulnerabilities to the world. Especially when there is nothing for her to gain from it. It’s like she’s asking to be devoured. It would’ve been so easy to deliver her to Cazador.

But sheep don’t ask to be slaughtered.

So it all must be an act.

And the act is flawless, which is what pisses him off the most. He can’t get a solid grip on what exactly her true intentions may be. He senses nothing malicious, but nothing quite altruistic either. Like she has no intentions at all.

Infuriating, but he still plays his part. “And yet you’ve come to me,” he muses, an indirect attack.

Her elaboration reveals nothing. Why is this the narrative she’s chosen? Playing the poor, broken soul. How can she acknowledge his nature and still pretend she wants, what? His pity? It’s a hilariously ridiculous ploy. He must not be seeing the whole picture because what could she possibly gain from his pity?

They have a quick back and forth. Presence seems to return to her as she bickers with him. It’s an easy role for him to fall into, the sarcastic, comedic companion.

But then she says something baffling, as she always does. “I don’t mind that you’re looking for weaknesses. Something to use against me, should the need arise. It’s alright.”

On his last nerve, he decides to play her game, to dance around in the truth. “And isn’t that fascinating?”

She has the gall to play stupid. “What is?”

He’s had enough of this. He pushes in with a direct attack, answering, “That you would put yourself at a disadvantage for seemingly no good reason.”

She shrinks away, in what he can only assume is offense. But then she speaks, insisting on her ridiculous story. “Oh. It won’t matter in the end. I’ll likely give you whatever you’re angling for regardless of what cards you play. The flirting and scheming really is a waste of your time. It’s all rather unnecessary.”

The words scream defense, like his blow landed how he intended, but all he can read is that incessant hopeless act. He’s going to rip out his hair at this rate. How can she be like this?

“And you’d just give me whatever I want for nothing in return?” He practically screams.

Then she drops her face into her hands, crying. Her tears seem so eerily real… He can almost believe that she’s being genuine. But who could say the things she says and not be lying? Who could reveal themselves like that so foolishly? She just goes on and on about how weak and pathetic she is. But one line settles uncomfortably in him like a putrid rat.

“Please,” she sobs, begging, pleading, “please use me kindly.”

She says the words like she’s staring into the open maw of the wolf. A lamb waiting to be sacrificed on the altar. So utterly complacent in her own slaughter.

Like she’s already dead.

The realization is like ice sliding down his back. She hasn’t been playing at all. She’s been humoring him. Standing in the rain as the storm rolls in, ready to be swept away.

She’s so ready to be swallowed whole, yet now she begs the wolf for mercy, putting her fate in his jagged claws.

It’s the opportunity of a lifetime on a silver platter. She said it herself, she really is the perfect target.

He’s never had a choice before. He still doesn’t, not truly. He needs this group to survive. Despite all her willingness to give up, he needs her strength and status. And why should he be kind anyway? It’s not like he ever got a break because he asked nicely.

And to think he thought they were similar in any way. The idea gnaws at his stomach, like a beast clawing its way out of him. No. They are not the same.

He can’t bear to think about it, so he acts.

He reaches for her, unsure exactly how to give her what she wants. Comfort was never something he had experience with.

She follows his hands, crawling into his lap, burying herself into him. One hand trails up to play with her hair in a way he knew most conquests enjoyed afterwards. His other hand holds her close to him.

Her tears seem to calm at the movements, so he figured he was doing something right.

This is… bearable. The proximity is uncomfortable, but merely holding her is far from the worst thing he could be doing. Though his muscles tense, his insides threaten to tear apart, his chest tightens.

He will use her however he needs in return for this… intimacy. Yes. This is something he can do.

“Alright,” he finally answers. “I accept your terms.”

The way she trembles and cries in his arms reminds him of so many memories he dare not entertain.

He will do this. He will do this because he must. Once he’s done, once he’s free, he’ll leave her alone.

I might clean it up and post it. Probably won’t get around to it though 😅

Tags! @jellymellydraws @riskpig @vixstarria @inkymoonbunny

[sternbagel]

HELLO ALL i am here still. Just very busy/social-ed out by the time I get off work so my PlayStation has been my best friend for. The last 2 months

That being said. I am gonna stream Spider-Man 2 tonight at 7:30 CT if y’all would like to join me 💛

[jazzyishere]

The sun is down which means that the self loathing is here 😔

[yenqa]

angel

synopsis — sunghoon can’t seem to figure out if you’re human or an angel.

warnings — sunghoon is a lil tipsy but sobers up quickly (also idk how tipsy people act so sorry), mentions of drinking, reader is called pretty and has a purse

pairing — sunghoon x (implied) fem!reader

wordcount — 1197

a/n — happy late bday sunghoon! hope he had the best birthday ever

inspired by the song “angel” by keshi! also not proofread sorry

Sunghoon wasn’t having the greatest birthday of all time. After 21 years of his life he decides he likes this one the least.

It’s weird, he was supposed to be drunk and having fun at Jake’s apartment until the clock hit ungodly hours of the day, but instead it’s 9pm, and he’s more tipsy than he would like to be at a random bench in a park.

It’s not like he was kicked out or anything, but Jake’s apartment had become too stuffy for him and the smell of alcohol overwhelmed him and they had invited way too many people for his liking, so he decided it was best to go on a walk alone. He had no idea how or why he was now sitting on the bench.

Sunghoon has always been a people watcher, he enjoyed seeing others smile over news he had no idea about, or watching someone quickly walk to their destination, creating make-believe stories of where they’re going and why they’re going so fast.

There’s not many people around—scratch that, Sunghoon can’t spot anyone, but his vision is too disoriented to be trusted.

That’s when his eye catches you, strolling down the stone pathway—Wait were those angel wings?

His eyes squint towards you, unable to differentiate if you were wearing a scarf or were an actual angel from heaven, but he saw the grin on your face and figured you could easily pass for one.

You happily plop down on the other side of the bench, eyes scanning the scenery around you.

This immediately sobers him up, and he fixes his posture. Glancing over to him, you give him a smile, asking “What are you doing here so late at night?”

He’s unable to comprehend that you’re talking to him, as if the alcohol had come rushing back to his head and made him unable to think or even say anything to pretty people like you.

He finally finds his voice, replying, “It’s my birthday, and I’ve been out with my friends all day, but I needed some space for a little.”

Gasping at the mention of his birthday, you rummage through your purse, also saying “Why didn’t you say so! I don’t have a gift for you.”

He chuckled, shaking his hands, “You don’t have to give me a gift, we don’t even know each other's name yet, angel girl.” Looking up, you can feel warmth fill your cheeks at the name, quickly snapping out of it to search for something you can do.

“My name’s Y/n, what’s your name, birthday boy?”

Letting out an Ah-hah! You showcase a small lighter proudly in your hands, he mumbles your name to himself a couple of times, forcing it to go to his sober mind so he remembers everything.

You push the lighter, letting a flame fill the metal part, scooting next to him, you gesture for him to blow the fire out.

He smiles, blowing it out in one go, you clap your hands singing the words happy birthday over and over again. Maybe this birthday isn’t so bad.

“Sunghoon.”

“What?” You tilt your head slightly.

“My name, it’s Sunghoon.”

Nodding, you place the match carefully into your bag, “Well, Sunghoon, how does it feel to be—wait how old are you?”

You silently pray that you aren’t talking to anyone over the age of 24, crossing your fingers in your pocket and anxiously wait for his reply.

“I’m 21 today, got my first sip of alcohol!” He jokes.

Mentally letting out a sigh of relief, you make sure he isn’t left curious, “I’m 20! But anyways—how does it feel to be officially 21?”

He takes a breath, unsure where to start.

The truth is he’s terrified of growing old, having more responsibilities than he could ever imagine. Every year he’s inching closer to a time where he’s supposed to be successful, but all he feels is that he’s failed to do anything.

“Can I say something kind of personal?” Sunghoon decides it’s much better to be safe than sorry.

You nod, a soft smile grows on your face, “Tell me anything! I’m here to listen.”

“I feel kind of scared? I don’t think I’m ready for those kinds of responsibilities.”

Feeling bold, you gently take one of his hands, cupping it with your hands. His cold hands contrasts your warms ones, but you don’t mind.

“I think you’re underestimating yourself, Sunghoon. As you grow older—yes you’ll have more responsibilities but it’ll join your routine, then when you find that you have lots of responsibilities you’ll be so used to it that you won’t even notice a thing!”

He nods, taking in your advice word by word, “I guess I never really thought of it that way, thank you, I’ll keep that in mind.”

You hum in reply, and a wave of silence washes over you two.

Turning your face up, you relish at the sight of the sky. Though the city won’t ever let the stars shine, you can still admire the moon, glimmering in the dark sky.

It's almost a full moon, and you swear you’ve never seen a sight prettier.

“The moon is beautiful tonight, isn’t it?” You ask.

Sunghoon’s eyes widen slightly, but you don’t look over at him. He’s not sure that you understand the true meaning of it, considering you just met. So he brushed it off, agreeing with your question.

Though it’s hard to focus on the moon when there's a person right next to him, emulating a warm aura that he can’t help but mistake for something mystical.

You two sit in silence, both admiring the surreal sight ahead of you.

You finally look back at him, warmth filling your cheeks when you catch that he wasn’t even facing the moon the whole time. Looking away, he raises a hand to cover his face, you giggle, looking away just as flustered as him.

A sound of your cell phone rings through your ears, you begrudgingly pick it up, muttering an apology to him before answering the call. He doesn’t eavesdrop but he can tell it’s something important.

He’s proven right when you put the phone down, a frown on your face when you explain, “I gotta go—I’m so sorry! My sister needs urgent help with something, but have an amazing birthday Sunghoon.” You wave goodbye standing up and taking a few steps away.

He grabs your arm before you can go, turning you around so you’ll face him.

“Will I ever see you again?”

You chuckle, opening your bag to pull out a pen and an old napkin. Writing your number, you hand the napkin to him, leaving with the same grin that you had when he first spotted you.

He watches as you walk away, calling back your—what he assumes—sister to address the situation. He slouches back down when you’re out of view, checking the time he’s realized he’s been out for too long, so he races back to Jake’s house.

Walking back in he spots Jake, the boy hastily walks over to him, asking “Bro—where were you? We were looking for you.”

Sunghoon lets out five words, “I just met an angel.”

perm taglist — @jwnghyuns @ja4hyvn @trsrina @redm4ri-deactivated20231209 @badmuni @yeokii @enhastolemyheart @softpia @s00buwu @ox1-lovesick @boyfhee @hanniluvi @teddywonss

yenqa © please do not copy, steal or translate.

[beangfrisky]

MEETING YOU FOR THE FIRST TIME

atsumu x reader

today could not possibly have gone any worse. a film producer should reach out because the amount of unbelievable events that happen to you on days like today need to be recorded.

first, it was the classic flat tire which made you late on your way to your big interview. next, your coffee got spilled on your favorite white button down blouse. and frankly it was all downhill after that.

which leads us to why you are currently standing in a grocery store aisle at 9pm scouring for your favorite snack. you have earned this damned treat and you are determined to find it. unfortunately, it looks like your grocery store reorganized so everything is out of place.

after skimming the shelves for about five minutes, the familiar blue packaging pops into view. except it’s attached to a hand that’s currently placing it into a basket.

you scurry over trying not to seem as desperate as you feel right now. “excuse me, where did you get those cookie crisps?” the panic in your voice is clear.

when your eyes rise to question the person in front of you, you freeze. he’s hot. as in his face belongs on the cover of a magazine hot.

his lips turn up into a smirk at your staring. and as if this day couldn’t get any worse, he turns to point to an empty shelf in the corner.

“i’m pretty sure these were the last ones.” he says so casually, as if this was not the bit of sanity left you were clinging onto. you grip his arm with both hands prepared to get down on your knees and beg.

“listen here buddy, i really really need those cookies. what will it take for you to hand them over.” his eyebrows raise in shock. clearly he wasn’t expecting to run into an insane person on his grocery run, but your day hasn’t exactly gone to plan either.

he glances down in his basket and chuckles at your desperation over a snack. his biceps flex while your eyes travel over the hot stranger in front of you. at least you get some eye candy to top off your bad day.

“i’ll share them with ya.” he decides. you’re caught in a staring contest as your brain tries to comprehend how you got stuck in this position.

any other day you would have given up and walked home, but this was a matter of principal.

“no, i won’t share. these cookie crisps are mine, i have earned them so please do what’s right and hand them over. trust me, you don’t want to see what happens next if i don’t have a cookie in my mouth within two minutes,” you’re talking at the speed of light and don’t care how deranged you sound.

he looks amused and shakes the packet in front of you to taunt you, “well if you need them so bad i guess you’ll have to settle for sharing. unless you don’t want any at all.”

he struts down the grocery store aisle and you have no choice but to trail behind him. considering your options, you decide following this stranger is probably better than losing yet another battle today.

after catching him glancing several times while checking out, he finally finishes and pays. after a few steps out of the door he opens the package and hands you a cookie. “don’t want to test you, i’m not in the mood to be murdered tonight.”

the cookie is eaten and gone before he can even finish his sentence. your hands grab for the package while he raises it above his head, making you reach up on your tippy toes.

“are you going to jump for it?” he teases. after a day like this, violence is not out of the question. never in your life have you contemplated hitting someone because of sweets.

he sees you pause and decides to head to his car before you get any bright ideas. the passenger door is held open for you to get in. honestly, being murdered doesn’t sound so bad after everything else you’ve dealt with today so you sit down quickly.

after he slides in the drivers side, he hands you the package of cookies before grabbing one himself. “so what’s your name?”

[sarahrogersevans]

Love Her As My Own- Frank Adler fan fiction

Summary: Frank loves taking care of Mary but hopes to raise her with someone he loves.

Frank’s POV

Warnings: angst, mild language, fluff, mentions not feeling good enough and let me know if I missed anything else.

I love Mary so much she’s such a bright kid and has a big heart but sometimes I worry I’m not good enough to be her guardian but I think I’m doing pretty well now but she needs a mother role model in her life as well.

Mary has met the previous women who I’ve been with but she really needs a permanent woman in her life plus I’ve thought about settling down with someone I love.

——A few days later——

I went to the bar one night to get a drink after a busy day after work and I was waiting to order and I see one of the bartenders at the bar and I call out to them.

“Hey bartender?” I said.

This beautiful woman turns around and says “Hey what can I get you… wait, Frank?! Oh my goodness hey you! Been a while.”

It was my old friend Y/N that I’ve known for years that I’ve also had a crush on. I haven’t seen her in seven years so you can imagine I’d not know what to say at first.

I said “Hey there stranger how have you been??”

Y/N smiled and looked at me saying “I’ve been doing well just been working how about you Adler?”

I said “Hey that’s great I’m glad you’re doing well and oh me just working on those boats and taking care of Mary”

Y/N was pouring a drink and handed it to me and asked “oh yea she’s your niece right?”

I took a sip of the beer, swallowed and nodded saying “Yep she’s my niece she’s a great kid with a big heart and very smart. You’d like her.”

Y/N smiled and said “I bet I would if she’s like her uncle I’d love to meet her.”

I looked at my watch and said “oh shit!! I gotta go pick up Mary now actually I gotta find her a friend to stay with so I can go to my court hearing tomorrow and she has school tomorrow and I can’t be late.”

Y/N saw me start leaving and said “Hey wait..”

I turned around and said “What’s up??”

Y/N said “if you want.. she can stay with me tonight? I’ll make sure she gets to school and she can stay with me until you can come get her.”

I felt relieved and very grateful knowing she’d wanna help out and said “are you sure you don’t mind?”

Y/N said “Hey not at all you can drop her off at my place tonight I get off at 9pm.”

I said “hey great thank you so much Y/N this means a lot to me I’m working hard at getting full custody of her soon and hopefully this hearing ties everything up.”

Y/N smiled at me for a minute not saying anything and I wondered what she was thinking.

I blushed and said “what? What is it Y/N? What are you thinking?”

Y/N shook her head and said “nothing, you’re a wonderful uncle to that kid she’s a lucky girl Adler, here give me your number and I’ll text you when I’m off so you can bring her by.”

I wrote down my number for her on a napkin and she grabbed it and I said “thank you Y/N again I mean it.”

She nodded and I left to pick up Mary at our neighbor and trusted friend Robertas’ house and I knocked on the door.

Roberta opened the door and said “Hey Frank come on in she’s all ready to go we just finished eating dinner and she did her homework.”

Mary ran up to me and hugged me and said “Hey Frank guess what?”

I picked her up and said “what’s up kiddo?”

Mary said “Roberta and I danced to music and sang after homework for my reward for finishing.”

I smiled at Mary and couldn’t be more proud of this girl. I said “Good job kiddo I’m very proud of you alright I gotta drop you off at a friends’ house so I can get to meeting tomorrow, thank you again Roberta.”

Roberta patted me on the shoulder and said “anytime Frank I love spending time with her. Goodnight.”

I heard my phone buzz and I got it out of my pocket and it was Y/N, I felt happy when I saw it her texting me saying “hey I’m at home you can bring her by, see you soon.”

I got Mary in the truck and strapped her in and then got in the truck and said “so the friend you’re gonna stay with is a very good friend of mine her name is Y/N she’s gonna take you to school tomorrow and pick you up and I’ll come get you when I can tomorrow ok?”

Mary nodded and said “ok, is she pretty?”

I blushed and said “yes she’s pretty and very nice she’s an old friend I care about.”

Mary could tell it was more than that and she always would tease me if I liked someone.

Mary poked me and said “you like her!”

I nervously laughed and said “what?.. no we’re just friends Mary.”

Mary said “yea whatever you say Frank.”

We got to Y/N’s place and I rang the doorbell and she opened the door and hugged me and said “Hey again.”

I smiled and said “Hey Y/N thank you again.”

I looked over at Mary and said “Mary, this is Y/N she’s gonna have you stay with her until I finish with my meeting tomorrow ok?”

Mary held out her hand said “hi I’m Mary, you’re Y/N right? My uncle likes you he talks about you a lot.”

Y/N shook hands with her and said “Hi Mary I’ve heard a lot of good things about you come in.”

I said “alright goodnight kiddo bye Y/N thank you.”

I got in the truck and sat there for a minute thinking if she could be the one she would be an amazing mother figure to her I had a good feeling about it.

——time skip——

Four in the afternoon and I just got my court hearing done and they granted me full custody to Mary I was really happy I love being her guardian I couldn’t wait to go give her and Y/N the news.

I got to Y/N’s place and knocked on the door and I could hear through the door “Honey it’s Frank he’s here.” Usually I don’t hear many of my friends calling Mary honey but I liked hearing her say that.

Y/N saw I was a bit anxious but smiling and said “hey Frank come on in we were just having fun out in the backyard swimming in my pool.”

Mary ran over and said “hey Frank! You’re back come join us in the pool!”

I knelt down and said “oh that sounds fun kiddo but let’s see if Y/N would be ok with us staying a bit.”

We both looked at her and Y/N said “oh hey yea of course!”

Y/N and I stood by the pool talking while Mary got in the pool again and swam around and I turned to look at Y/N and she was watching Mary swimming around and Mary waved back at her with a smile then I knew I had to ask.

I said “hey Y/N.. could I talk to you about something?..”

Y/N looked at me and said “yea of course Frank what is it?”

I took a deep breath and said “would you maybe help me raise Mary? She loves you I can tell and I know you enjoy having her around I can tell by how you act with her.. and I’ve thought about this for years but sadly I never told you.. I really like you and I was hoping to have you around more.”

Y/N was surprised but then she had a warm smile on her face and cried and said “wow Frank .. I would be honored to help raise Mary I would love her as she were my own and truth is Adler I like you too.”

I went closer and put my hand on her cheek and kissed her softly.

Mary saw us smiling at each other and came over by us and said “hey what’s going on?”

Y/N wiped her tears away and we both looked at each other and then looked at Mary and I knelt down by her and said “well, Y/N and I are both your guardians now kiddo.”

Mary hugged us both and we both cried happy tears while rubbing her back and said “we love you kiddo.”

This was a special request from an ask I hope you like it 🤗

[special-wolf]

Bakugou Katsuki Headcanons

S/O Sleeping Patterns.

Gender Neutral Reader

S/O who doesn't sleep much:

This boy has no fucking idea how you can stay up till 3 in the morning and still make it to class.

He spelt at 9pm and almost missed his alarm like how tf do you do it.

And the messages you send him scare him, like please you're going to give him heart problems.

He still doesn't understand what you mean by him being a 'portable microwave' and then just spamming his dms with 'pop'. He's... He's too scared to ask.

But he does appreciate all the fanfiction links, he's a sucker for romance.

He does not appreciate the smut though; he just woke up, give him a chance to wipe away the ego from his eyes first.

... He did not appreciate the All Might fanfictions though... Especially after you accused him of writing it and then just decided he did because he wasn't responding at 4:56 am.

He always checks your messages last, not because he's saving the best for last but it's because there's so many and so many of his braincells just... Evaporate.

Once it hits 8:30 and he's sent his goodnight text, he puts his phone on silent until the morning.

The sound of his phone begins to annoy him after 3 minutes.

But, he does read every text which is sweet.

He doesn't know how you can go from questioning the meaning of life to asking what a good dog name would be though, but he rolls with it.

S/O who sleeps a lot:

He gets so mad, not because you're sleeping but because you don't get teased for it.

Like my mans has a good sleep schedule but he gets called gramps??? And you don't???

He hates not being able to spend much time with you though, after classes you immediately take a nap and he's just like "excuse me??? I'm right here???"

Just use him as a teddy at this point, it'll make him feel better and less lonely.

He loves listening to your dreams though when you remember them, if you dream that is.

If not, then he doesn't mind listening to you make up fantasies as long as they're about him. But not that one, he doesn't like that fantasy. Or that one.

He'll start forcing you into his dorm as soon as class ends, like if you're gonna sleep then you're gonna sleep by his side.

He dreads waking you up but he knows he has to or you won't eat until like 11pm and that's a no no to him.

... He doesn't feel that bad actually.

He tries a nice approach but then he will go full gremlin and hit you with your own blanket and pillows.

And when you've drooled on them for so long...

Yeah, you lock your door now.

He gets through the window though.

He'll wake you up early if it's his turn to cook because he knows you can't handle all his cooking at once when you wake up... See, he's thoughtful.

Only because he wants you to enjoy his cooking more than anyone else's though but shhhhh.

He genuinely loves that you sleep, especially if you're with him and just kinda... Zonk out. He finds it cute because you trust him... You probably shouldn't but you do anyways.

He makes sure you only sleep on him though, ain't no other extras getting to hear you breath in your sleep, are they crazy?

But he loves sleep too, he can't be mad but he can tease and he will because you're the only one who sleeps before him. He's so sick of the bullying </3

[shodansbabygirl]

i dunno maybe its just that im a little tipsy and its midnight and you should never trust how you feel about your life after 9pm but we had no rules just fucking kicked something in me and i am reminded that being a lesbian has never been an inherently joyful experience for me. i love to be a lesbian but being a lesbian has never like, been inherently comfortable, or happy, or lended itself to any sort of broad security (interpersonally or material) for me. 

it has always been something i have had to actively choose, and must continue to actively choose for myself, because if i do not i will slip back into complacent misery for the sake of societal comfort. it has always brought me distress and dread, not because i don’t love women, but because it others me and inherently separates me from the role i was literally raised for. and i am sure it is just because i am only 23 and i am still shedding all of the fucked up shit my protestant parents silently instilled in me, maybe it is because i am homebound most of the time and unable to reach a broader, physical community. 

but being a lesbian, while providing me joy and love, has never been transcendentally joyful for me. more of its been a means to freedom from romantic misery, while cementing me into interpersonal difference. 

and THAT is why i am disgusted by the small surge of lesbian media that just takes the plot graphs and story beats from heterosexual romances and applies them to two women, either with or without the element of ‘ohhh im a lesbian better keep that a secret until the climax of the story!’ 

[illusoryangel]

They say never to trust anything you think about your life after 9pm. Welp, this blog is going to be written exclusively after 9pm. Hey, it’s anonymous and what have I got to lose? If I’m lucky, bleeding out my insecurities and shortcomings will result in something worthwhile. If not, idk at least it’s going to be aesthetic.

I was thinking that redesigning my website might be a fun creative endeavour. My website is a sorry state; with not nearly enough content, full of old works I’m barely happy with, and with no traffic at all. It’s because I don’t write stuff that I’m happy with often enough to put it there.

I wish so badly that I could create stuff. I want to make a shrine of the most beautiful, haunting, disturbing, inspiring, and mysterious words. I want those words wrapped in a website that makes you feel like you’re exploring a cryptic underground labyrinth or a cursed digital wonderland.

But I’m always too tired and I don’t know how to force it into being yet.

[klaspinz13]

03/13/2023

I WANT TO CALL QUITS

i want to call quits, but am I calling to early? or am I already into deep? first time in 3 nights I finally got to stay over. did you miss me? or did I make it too hard to miss me, since I’m always trying to talk to you.

it just that, I’m so used to hearing your voice, smelling you, being around you. you’re my safe spot.

am I yours? Do you see me the same way I see you?

do you still want me like you did when I wasn’t always around?

did I make it easy for you to get annoyed of me? i ask you questions, not to get on your nerves. but for ME.

It just so hard to trust. i trusted the wrong people in my life & I believe that’s why I am hurting more than ever. it just feels like a rerun. but why do I let them get that far? is it because I’m vulnerable, I have a lot of love to give.

if I don’t have an answer that was given from the person I want it from, I’ll fill in the blanks with multiple theories. it’s not that I want to?? God made me an over thinker & I hate it. i need you to tell me “everything is okay” because I feel like it’s not.

i don’t understand how people can go around and act like they care about someone & they don’t.

the night before I stayed over, you went to your uncles for a bbq & you didn’t let me know you “fell asleep” so I lost contact with you after 9pm & didn’t have any contact with you until the next morning at 11am. i know it’s crazy to think that you weren’t asleep but I know you have trouble sleeping.

theories:

1. you went out to your uncles, than you went to hangout with someone.

2. you took that person to your uncles & that person stayed over.

3. you stayed over @ someone house.

4. you went on a date.

5. You were at your friends house chillan with them a girl

i remember our first date, you have this number calling you frequently back to back & you claim it was work.. it was already 7pm -8pm who would be calling from your job that late? but I also didn’t wanna trip bc I usually do, & it pushes them away..

am I tripping right now?? am I pushing you away?? but is it a good thing, since you don’t know how to communicate?

i tell you, just to at least text me or communicate you said you will. Since then I only got one text back from the whole 3 days.

I check if my girly stuff was put away, (tampons liners was the only thing I left bc I didn’t think was gonna come back here) it was in the same spot I left it in.. I was relieved. the room was still messy.. okay you didn’t have to impress and pick up meaning.. you didn’t have anyone over.

but now that I think of it, he’s room was messy when I met him. the same way he looks right now with the pile of clothes next to his bed. im taking a shower & I see girly shampoo & conditioner.. conditioner is 90% of it is done (where did this come from), & the shampoo is brand new.. what’s crazy is, we just went a week ago to get shampoo & conditioner.. it wasn’t the same ones we got. he lives with his family so I cannot jump into conclusions. (or should I)

i lay down in the bed, & you wash your sheets… why? the most suspicious thing you can do when I’m already tripping on the fact you didn’t communicate with me the next before. But what if he just wanted to wash them?? and now that I’m thinking, idk when was the last time we washed them.

okay last but not least one the reason why I feel like you’re not interested or talking to someone else….

we had sex in the middle of the night, everything was different. the stroke, the pressure, the vibe. you didn’t kiss me not once, nor did you moan once..and that’s your strong suit.

this is what is gonna be on my mind all the time…..

it broke me when you got up in the middle of us fucking & was looking for something.. you already had the lube bottle on the dresser what are you reaching for? when I saw your iPhone flash the light on a condom, I wanted to cry

we only used a condom once & it was bc he wanted to use the lube on the condom than he took it off.

theory:

1. he acted like he cummed

2. he didn’t want anything to happen (no baby)

3. he didn’t want to dirty his clean sheets

i want to ask you about it but I know you will get annoyed

but why get annoyed

when I can literally read this out to someone.

they can just look at me and say without hesitation, move on sis & call it quits!!!

[i-cant-sing]

I know requests are closed so this isn’t a request I just had an idea based off an ask you got about hawks and the Todoroki clan. What if the reader escaped from yandere Todoroki clan (Dabi scared the reader/took it too far with the threats, or because endeavor and the brothers had a fight and the reader got scared)and they ran into hawks, crying and panicked thinking that he would help. But hawks recognizes them from the pictures in endeavors desk and offers them a lift to somewhere safe. Only for hawks to fly the reader back to the Todoroki estate where the whole family is waiting for them.

The reader feels hurt and betrayed and everyone is angry, but hawks being hawks tries to diffuse the situation by saying,”stop scaring the poor kid. They came to me scared out of their mind, but being the outstanding godfather that I am, I made sure to bring them back safely.” (Or something like that)

And endeavor just accepts that hawks claimed himself as the readers godfather, and tells the reader to get inside and to clean up.

So now hawks takes it upon himself to hang around the estate more to fulfill his “godfather” duties, spoiling the reader as much as he can.

Yandere Godfather Hawks x Todoroki clan reader

I was going to write boyfriend Hawks, instead of Godfather Hawks but this was just too good. I kinda thought that the age gap between Hawks and reader would be too much so maybe Godfather would be a better role for him, but the chaos that would follow if they find him dating reader would be just *chef's kiss*. I think I just might write bf Hawks too. Let me know what you guys think.

Anyways, enjoy!

Check out my MASTERLIST here!

Yandere Hawks:

You didn't know how long you had been running for. You didn't know how far you had gotten away from their house. You didn't even know where you were going, to be honest. But you did know that you had to get away from there as far as you could.

Sure, you only had a few hours headstart. But for them, the most powerful family in Japan, this wasn’t enough time for you. 

You had planned your escape with their schedule in mind.

Enji would come home from his office at 9pm; he used to return at 11, but ever since you were kidnapped adopted by them, he tries to come home early.

Natsuo had already visited you during the day. He habitually comes after his shift at the hospital. Once he would check you over for any injuries and be satisfied with your overall health, he would join you, Rei and Fuyumi for a quick lunch before leaving.

Usually, you would spend the day with Rei, Fuyumi and Shotou, then Enji would come by the time dinner was served. And once everyone went to sleep, Dabi would come to visit you around 2 am. He would tap on your window and disturb you from your sleep, but its not like you have any engagements in the morning anyways. Once you would let him in, he would talk to you and maybe watch a movie too. If he's pissed, he might "accidentally" leave a burn mark on your arm (and you've tried asking your family for help, but they wouldn't do anything. Natsuo would just bandage you up, while Shotou would comfort you. Besides, you've learned not to snitch on Dabi because he would even get angrier than before.)

That was your routine ever since they had took you, almost 7 months ago. Well, they had actually adopted you an year ago, and everything was going well. But then you started noticing their odd behaviour. You thought they were just being protective of you at first, but as time went on, their obsessive tendencies and no regard for your personal boundaries started weirding you out.

Then one day, they just stopped letting you out of the house. No matter how much you cried, begged or fought, they just wouldn't let you go outside, telling that you its for your own good.

At first, they would use cuffs to keep you bound since you fought so much. But then you started behaving, and they slowly started trusting you more and stopped putting on the restraints.

What they didn't know was that you were just biding your time, waiting for the perfect opportunity to escape. Like today.

Shotou had to go to his friend's house to work on a school project, so he wasn't able to join you at lunch today and would be coming home late.

After lunch, once Natsuo had left, you asked Fuyumi if she could go to the mall and buy you some books. You had been complaining to her about your boredom for quite sometime now, so she agreed and left to go shop for you.

So that only left you with Rei in the house. And while she had a weaker quirk than the rest of the family, your quirkless self was no match for her either.

But she was easier to fool. You told Rei that you were going to take a nap in your room and to call you when dinner was ready. Rei nodded before going to the kitchen to start preparing for dinner.

You went to your room and opened the window to get out. It used to be bolted shut but after months of working on it slowly but stealthily, you had managed to pop it open. It was 6, and you were sure Fuyumi and Shotou would be coming home by 7, so without having anytime to pack, you ran.

It was stupid. You should've at least gotten your coat and shoes on, but there was no guarantee a chance like this would appear again, so you left without them.

You kind of regret it now, as you winced in pain at all the rocks and twigs pressing into your bare feet. You shivered in the cold, which didn't bother you at first because of the adrenaline pumping through your veins, but now as you slid against a dumpster in an alley to give a break to your legs, you wished Rei could've given you some proper clothes, instead of the light, pastel pink dress. In her defence, the house was centrally heated during winters so you didn't really need warm clothes inside the house. But now, looking at the dark clouds forming in the sky, you wished she could've at least given you a sweater.

It had soon started raining, and the wind had picked up as well. Shivering, you decided to stay put by the dumpster and wait until it stopped. It would be easier for them to find you if you ran now because the streets will be empty because of the rain. And its not like you could go to a police station either. How will you explain to them that the no.1 hero had kidnapped you?

Sighing, you closed your eyes. You just have to vanish from their eyes until they give up on you, or at least find someone else to replace you.

Hawks was flying home when it had begun raining. Tutting, he flew back to the ground to walk his way home. It was dangerous to fly during the rain; his feathers would get heavy and weigh him down.

As he was walking, whistling to himself, he heard someone whimper in the alley to his left. He walked in the dark alley, bracing himself for any sudden movements. The little whimpers came from near the dumpster. The alley had no light, so he couldn't see much. He walked closer to the source of whimpers and he could make out a silhouette of a shivering girl, who was completely drenched. Her eyes were closed so she hadn't noticed Hawks yet.

He took a step closer. "Hey. You okay?" As soon Hawks voice reached her ears, she snapped her eyes open and backed away from him. Hawks backed up a bit, raising his hands in surrender. "Its okay. I'm a hero." He said, calmly.

Once she seemed recognise him, or at least realise he wasn't dangerous, she relaxed a bit. "What are you doing in the rain?"he asked. She paused for a bit, before replying in a tiny voice,"none of your business." Hawks smiled. "It kinda is. Now you can either tell me, or I can take you to the cops and you can tell them. What's it gonna be?"

Your breath hitched at his question. If he takes you to the cops, Enji will surely find you, and the punishment that will be waiting for you...you didn't even want to think about it. "I'm just...running." you mumbled, hoping he would leave you alone. "From who?" When you didn't reply, he sighed. "Okay. Can you tell me why you're running?"

You thought for a bit. Would he believe if you told him the truth? You knew he was close friends with Enji and you heard from Enji that he was very loyal to him, so you doubted that he would believe you if you told him the no. 1 hero had been holding you hostage for 7 months. But maybe he could help you. If you just tell him that someone's after you, then maybe he could drop you off somewhere safe?

Gulping, you answered. "I- I was kidnapped. And they've probably noticed that I'm missing now and- and I need to hide before they can find me. I can't, I can't go back there-" your voice broke down as you slowly started crying.

Hawks's eyes widened as he heard you confess. He hugged you, rubbing your back soothingly. "Shh, its okay. I'm here now. Tell me who it is." You shook your head no. "Don’t be afraid. I'll keep you safe. Just tell me who-" "No!"you cut him off, realising that you would be putting his life in danger if you told him the truth. The Todorokis have done it before, with your old family and friends; you have no doubt that they will do it again.

Hawks was taken aback by your outburst. Who were you so afraid of? Was it a crazy ex? Or a family member? Maybe you had gotten in trouble with the wrong crowd? Whoever it was, fear was evident in your voice. He had to help you.

"Okay. I'm sorry. How about we get out of the rain? Maybe to a cafe, where we can get a coffee to warm ourselves up?" He asked you again, trying to look at your face in the dark. You shook your head again, before speaking. "Could you- could you just get me out of this city? Or at least as far away from here as possible?"

Who were you so scared of that you wanted to leave the city? He could investigate that later, but first he needed to get you out of the rain. 

He nodded. "Alright. It should stop raining anytime now, so I can't fly you out right now. How about we walk to my apartment and warm ourselves and then, I could take you anywhere you want?"

This was the best you were going to get. You know you need to leave the city right now, but he was your only chance of leaving. So you agreed. Hawks smiled at that. "Can you walk?"he asked you. You nodded, but as soon as you took a step, you yelped in pain, almost falling down. Thankfully, Hakws was near to catch you. He laughed. Noticing your chattering teeth, he gave you his jacket. "You're going to catch a cold." Once you had worn his big, warm jacket, he lifted you up into his arms and started walking out of the alley and towards his home.

As he got out of the alley, the street lights finally illuminated your face.

You looked familiar, like he'd seen you before, but he can't seem to remember where he saw you. His eyes scanned your face. Your brows were furrowed in worry, and you kept looking over his shoulder. You looked scared, almost like a child. Looking down, he noticed your pink dress was completely ruined. He moved his gaze to your feet. They were bleeding, due to the stones, twigs and broken glass that had pierced them. Your legs had tiny burns, some had faded, others looked still fresh.

Were you being abused? Is that why you're running? He wanted to ask you these questions but he knew he had to wait for you to open up.

"Thank you."your tiny voice brought him back to reality. Hawks gave his famous heroic smile. "No problem." You gave a tiny smile of your own. It was kind. "Why do you keep looking back?"he asked you. Your eyes widened slightly, looking like a kid who got caught stealing cookies. "Are you worried about them taking you away again?"he asked, not really sure who he was referring to. You started tearing up again. Your lips wobbled as you slowly nodded your head. He stopped walking, causing you to look up to him. "Its okay. I promise I'll never let anyone hurt you again. I promise." His voice held such sincerity, you started crying into his chest as you kept on thanking him.

Hawks meant every word. He's going to make sure nobody ever lays a finger on you. How could anyone harm such a sweet thing like you?

He rubbed your shoulder with one hand to calm you down. Once you had stopped crying, he spoke again. "Hey, look. It stopped raining." You looked up and he was right; the sky had cleared up. "Well, are you ready to fly?" You smiled slightly before nodding. He told you to hold on to him tightly, and you buried your face into his chest before he took off.

Once you guys were in the air, Hawks told you to open your eyes. You did and the view was breathtaking. Tall buildings and sky scrapers were all over the city, and tiny lights from cars and street lamps looked like stars. It looked like a scene from an anime. Really pretty.

"Wow."you finally said. Hawks chuckled at that. Your looked like you just saw Santa. So adorable.

"I'm glad you like it."he said, as he started flying towards his home. You smiled. "Hey! You never told me your name."he said, mocking fake surprise.

You giggled at that. "I'm Y/n."

And just like that, Hawks finally remembered where he had seen you.

A year ago Endeavour had asked him to find everything he can on this one particular girl. Hawks thought that maybe you were linked to some case, but your records were clean, so he thought that maybe Enji was just looking for someone for Shotou. Hawks thought it was weird when you suddenly disappeared from the public eye a month later. He tried to ask Enji about you but he would just brush him off, telling him he had mistook you for someone else. It was odd, but Hawks eventually let go of it.

Wait. Does that mean Enji had been hurting you? No, that can't be it. Enji had been working with him on a lot of missions abroad, and the burn marks on your legs were rather fresh. 

"Whats wrong?"your soft voice brought him out of his thoughts. "Hmm? Oh nothing. Why do you ask?"Hawks faked a smile. You stared at him. Something was off. "Nothing. Its just you were lost in your thoughts, I guess."

Hawks laughed at that. "You’re really observant, aren't you?" Deciding to test out his theory, he continued. "Well, you're right. I was thinking about a work colleague. You might've heard of him. Endeavour, hm?"

At the sound of his name, you stiffened, confirming his suspicion. You were connected to him somehow. Hawks didn't know how, but he was going to figure it out. "Um, y-yeah. He's the no.1 h- hero, right?"the fear in your voice had returned, although you were trying hard to hide it.

Hawks nodded. "Yeah!" He had to find out how you were linked to Enji. Suddenly, he turned around and started flying back where you guys had started.

"W-what are you doing? Why are we going back?"you asked him. He looked down at you and replied, "we need to get bandages for your wounds. Otherwise your feet will get infected." You nodded. "Oh. Okay." With that you closed your eyes to prevent them from drying against the wind.

After maybe half an hour or so, you opened your eyes to look where you guys were flying to. You looked down and to your horror, saw a familiar house coming up. You looked at Hawks and he seemed to know what you were thinking. "We're going down there."he nodded his head towards the Todoroki estate. Your eyes grew wide, and your body started trembling. "No! No! We- we can't! We can't go there!" You started shaking your head. "And why not?"Hawks stopped flying towards the estate, simply flapping his wings to remain in the air. You just shook your head. "We can't. I can't. Just drop me off somewhere else. I'll be fine on my own." Hawks wanted to know the real reason. He frowned. "Tell me the truth right now or I'll take you down there this instant."

You gulped, his eyes were showing that he wasn't bluffing. Your eyes started to glisten with unshed tears as you finally told him the truth. You told him everything; about how Enji had kidnapped you, how he got rid of your real family, how he and Rei had tried to keep you a secret from everyone, how their kids found out about you but instead of helping you out, became attached to you just like their parents, about how the famous villian Dabi was Enji's son and how he would sometimes burn you. By the time you were done, tears were flowing down your cheeks as Hawks tried to process what you had just confessed to him.

"Do you trust me?"he suddenly asked you. You looked at him confused. "What?" He repeated again. "Do you trust me?" Did you? Honestly, not that much, but he was the only one who was going to help you so you slowly nodded. "Yes?" Not really sure of it yourself but Hawks accepted the answer anyways. "Good." As soon as he said that, he started flying again, towards the house. You started thrashing in his arms again. "No! You said you wouldn't take me back here! You said you wouldn't!"you were full on sobbing against him, trying to wring yourself free from his vice grip, but Hawks was neither listening nor relenting his tight hold on you.

You looked down and that's when you saw them. Enji, Rei, all of them, were standing in the garden looking at you and Hawks. Even Dabi was there. Rei must've panicked and called everyone. And from the look on his- everyone's face, you could tell you were in deep trouble.

You thrashed in Hawks arms, begging him to fly away, but he didn't listen to you at all.

Once you reached the ground, you didn't pull your head out of Hawk's chest. You don't want to see their rage or the punishments they have planned for you.

"Hey, Endeavour!" Hawks broke the silence first. "Mrs Todoroki. Kids." He nodded towards them. "Hawks. Who do you have there?"Enji asked, pretending as if he doesn't know you. Hawks laughed. "You don't have to pretend! I know everything." At this, Dabi activated his quirk, ready to cremate him but was stopped by Shotou.

Thinking that this was some sort of blackmail, Enji asked, "What do you want? Money?"

Hawks smirked. "Nope! Look, I know you kidnapped her and all but you are providing her a good life, right?" He paused to look at them. Everyone nodded. He continued. "And you're just keeping her home to protect her from harm?" Again, everyone nodded. "But she still managed to escape you all even though she's quirkless and you all are not."

"Get to the fucking point."Dabi said impatiently.

Hawks sighed. "Clearly, you need all the help you can get. You need me. I can help you help her keep safe and healthy!" He paused, before his eyes lit up. "I can't have my goddaughter getting hurt again." Everyone looked at him weirdly. Goddaughter?

"How about you hand her over and you'll still be able to fly." Dabi threatened, blue flames engulfing his hands. Hawks laughed again. He was right. It wasn't Enji who giving you those nasty burns, it was Dabi. "If something happens to me, I have enough evidence gathered against you" he pointed to Dabi, "and then cops will get involved and maybe take away Y/n away."

The threat of someone taking you away from them, made their heart drop. Rei, who had been previously sobbing, put a hand on Dabi's shoulder, telling him to calm down.

Hawks grinned at Enji, raising his eyebrows. "So what will it be, Endeavour?"

Enji understood the ultimatum Hawks was giving him. Either let him in the family or risk losing you to the authorities. And he knew Hawks wasn't one to make empty threats.

Enji's eyes snapped to you. You were trying to bury yourself into Hawks chest, trying to hide from them. He wasn't that mad at you for running, more worried if anything. Had his family really spooked you that much? He'll have to worry about that later. First he needs to get you back into his and Rei's arms.

Enji sighed, before nodding. "Fine. We'll do it your way."

Hawks beamed at that. "Great!" He was glad that Enji had accepted. "Now, you need to take Y/n in before she catches a cold; although I'm certain she already has. Oh and tend to her bloody feet too! Poor thing was just running around barefoot." He chuckled. Shotou moved forward to take you from Hawks but you clung tightly to Hawks shoulders.

"Please. Please. Just take me out of here. Please." You whispered to him, fresh tears pricking your eyes now.

You looked so scared. Your eyes were saucer wide, nose red from cold and cheeks flush. Fear. That was were you emitting. But the longer he looked at your face, he found something else too. Hope. Innocence. Naivety. And while fear was the predominant emotion, the latter were the ones that he wanted to protect. "Hawks." Enji's voice broke him out from his trance. Hawks smiled. Addressing you, he started rubbing soothing circles to your back. "Hey. Hey. Its okay, princess." You kept on crying, your eyes begging him to whisk you away anywhere but here. You looked so much like him when he was little. So afraid. "Listen, do you remember what I promised you?" You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. You're so endearing. "I promised you that I'll never let anyone hurt you again, didn't I?" You nodded slowly. "I intent on keep that promise, dove. Infact I'll talk to your dad tonight! But you need to go in and take warm bath. I don't want you getting sick, okay?"

You had seemed to calm down as you slowly nodded and let him hand you over to Shotou, who quickly ushered you in, with Natsuo, Rei and Fuyumi quickly following behind, leaving Hawks with Dabi and Enji.

"Lets go to your office, Endeavour! I have to go over some details as Y/n's new godfather." Enji nodded and went inside to go to his home office. Hawks was about to follow but was stopped by Dabi. "What game are you playing, you freak?" 

Hawks chuckled, before swiftly pulling out a very sharp feather and pressing it against Dabi's jugular. "I'm just here to make sure that no one hurts Y/n again. And if I see another scorch mark on her, I'll find you and carve your skin into ribbons."

I will be accepting requests and asks for godfather hawks and Todoroki clan!

Oh and don't worry, I'm working on part 2 of rei hurting the reader. It'll be done soon! :)

[oh-ranpo]

i’ll be there.

pairing: bucky barnes x fem!reader summary: the one where bucky just needs someone to talk to. word count: 3.4k+

It started with a phone call. 

It was late, and you were almost asleep when your phone started buzzing restlessly on the nightstand next to your head. You didn’t bother checking the caller id as you reached for the receiver and lifted it to your ear, hitting the accept button in the process.

“‘llo?” you greeted groggily, but you were met with silence. Your brows furrowed slightly as you pulled the phone away from your ear to see who was calling, and your heart stuttered in your chest when you saw Bucky’s name lit up on your screen. It wasn’t like him to call so late. It wasn’t like him to call at all. “Buck?” You pressed. “Bucky, are you alright?” 

You could feel a pressure on your chest as you waited for a response, and finally, after a couple more seconds, you heard a heavy breath release on the other end of the line.

“I’m sorry it’s late. I probably shouldn’t have called, I just… I didn’t know what else to do.” You weren’t entirely sure what he meant by that, but despite the fact that it was already well past 2am, you weren’t going back to sleep anytime soon.

“Don’t apologize, I just wasn’t expecting to hear from you,” you murmured as you pushed yourself up into a sitting position before leaning back against the headboard of your bed. “What’s going on?”

That first phone call, he didn’t say a lot. You could tell that he really just needed someone to keep him company to help distract him from the thoughts and nightmares that were swirling through his head, and you really didn’t mind being the one to provide it. You and Bucky had been friends for a while, but you had never considered that you might be the one he went to when he didn’t know where else to turn. That had always been Steve, and now, you assumed that would be Sam. It made the most sense anyways. And yet, you were the one that found themselves listening to his gentle breathing as you waited for him to share what was on his mind.

You thought that it was just a one time thing at first, but then, you started receiving phone calls at all hours of the night a couple of times a week. Sometimes, it’d be earlier - around 9pm or so - and sometimes, it’d be just as the sun was rising and the ringtone of your phone would wake you up just before your alarm had the chance to.

“Please, don’t feel like you have to keep answering,” Bucky pleaded one morning when he just received a simple sleepy grunt as a greeting. “I know it isn’t fair of me to keep waking you up like this.” But really, you didn’t mind at all. 

Your life was pretty calm, and while you did have to go to work, starting your day or ending your night with a conversation with a friend wasn’t something that you had a problem with. The only time his phone calls came late into the night was on the weekends when he knew that you wouldn’t have to be anywhere the next day, despite the fact that you told him to call you whenever he needed someone. You weren’t about to cast him aside just because you might feel a little groggy the next morning. 

It took him a couple of hour long silent phone calls before he started sharing some of the reasons for why he was in need of company in the first place. Mostly, it had to do with the nightmares. He would never share specific details, but you were able to gather enough from the little tidbits he would share that they had to do with his Winter Soldier days. Your heart ached in ways you couldn’t explain as you tried to imagine what that might have been like - to be a stranger in your own body, and have to relive the memories of something you did but couldn’t stop. He didn’t say it, but you knew that seeing those people and seeing what happened, it broke him a little bit each time. They were things he could never take back, lives that he could never save, and it was eating him alive. You didn’t know how he did it.

While he talked, you listened quietly, and when he would fall silent, you would remind him that the Winter Soldier was gone, and that he wasn’t him anymore. The freedom he had gained during his time in Wakanda was the beginning of his new story, and that things would get better. The scoff that filled your ear told you that he didn’t believe you, and for the moment, that was okay. You knew that it would take a while of convincing before he believed you, and you were more than willing to stay patient enough until he did. That’s what friends were for, and if he was going to allow you on this journey with him, you intended to see it through.

Once the floodgates opened, the phone calls started coming more regularly and at a more set time. Every night, your phone would light up at 9pm, and every time, you knew who was on the other end of the line. When you answered, Bucky would greet you, his voice sounding a bit lighter each day, and you would let him dictate how the conversation would go from there. 

Even though you weren’t sitting across from him, you could usually tell how things were going to play out depending on the tone of his voice and the speed of his speech. If he was quiet and didn’t say much, you knew that he was having a bad day. If he started telling you about something that had happened to him earlier in the day, you knew that he was feeling a little more peaceful. It was the little things that you picked up on, and those little things helped you better communicate with him. You were never pushy. You never pressed for answers that he didn’t want to give, and you found that, usually, he would eventually give them to you if you were just patient enough.

“You probably think I’m crazy, don’t you?” Bucky chuckled dryly one night, about a month into your new phone call routine. You were sitting at the dining room counter, a cup of hot cocoa warming the palm of your left hand as you held your phone to your ear with your right. For a moment, your lips downturned in a small frown at his question.

“Why would I think that?” You asked gently, and you could hear Bucky sigh. 

“Why wouldn’t you? I’m a 106 year old man who can’t seem to function properly in the real world. and I still need someone to chase away my monsters when the sun goes down.” The vulnerability in his voice made your stomach churn as you leaned forward against the counter, bracing yourself for the direction the conversation was now heading.

“What happened to you doesn’t make you crazy, Bucky. You are not the product of your circumstances, you are James Buchanan Barnes and you always have been. So, no, I don’t think you’re crazy. I think you’re doing the best you can.” You couldn’t see the small smile that formed on Bucky’s lips as his eyes went glassy, but you could hear the small, murmured ‘thank you’ in response. You still weren’t sure if he believed a word you said, but you hoped that your words brought him at least a little bit of comfort. 

After that particular night, things took another turn. You never told anyone about the phone calls that you and Bucky shared because you saw them as something private. If he wanted to share it with people, he could, but you didn’t feel like it was your place. He was trusting you with what little vulnerability he was willing to show, and you weren’t going to give anyone else any unwanted access to that side of him. You just thought that you were being a reliable friend by picking up the phone and listening. So, imagine your surprise when, less than a week later, instead of your phone ringing at 9pm like it usually did, there was a knock on your front door.

At first, you were a little annoyed that someone would be stopping by just when you were expecting Bucky to call you. While you didn’t tell anyone about the calls, you still looked forward to them. You loved hearing his voice or just knowing that he was sitting on the other end of the line. The conversations you shared had brought the two of you inexplicably closer, even though you could see it if you were watching the two of you together in public. You thought about ignoring it, but when a second, lighter tap filled the room, you knew that you had to at least see who it was. You could lie and say that you were getting ready for bed and ask them to come back later. It was 9pm, surely they’d understand. Only, when you moved to open the door, you were surprised by who you saw standing on the other side.

Bucky gave you a sheepish look as he stood in your doorway, a pair of dark-wash jeans and a leather jacket adorning his body. He lifted his right hand to rub the back of his neck nervously, and you could tell that he was uncomfortable standing there, as if he was unsure whether you would be happy to see him or not.

“I hope it’s okay that I stopped by,” he murmured softly. “I know I usually call but I was in the neighborhood and I-“ 

Bucky stopped mid-sentence when you stepped to the side and gestured for him to come inside. A look of relief filled his features as you gave him a welcoming smile and allowed him to step around you before closing the door behind him. 

“You’re always welcome here, Buck,” you grinned as you led him down the hallway and towards your living room. “You should know that by now.”

Bucky hadn’t really planned to stop by your apartment, but in the moment, it had just felt right. He had been walking the streets, trying to clear his mind, and his feet had led him here, to the doorstep of the one person who seemed the most capable at keeping his dark thoughts at bay.

Like with the phone calls, Bucky sat silently on your couch at first, his gaze shifting from a random spot on the wall across from him to his gloved hands. You watched, and then tried to focus on something else when you felt he might become uncomfortable with your staring. You hadn’t expected him to ever move past the late night phone calls, but having him sitting next to you now gave you hope that maybe things were getting better.

It wasn’t that things were getting better, it turned out, it was just that Bucky had really begun to trust you. You broke down walls that only Steve Rogers had ever managed to climb over before, and he found it easier to open up to you than Sam, and especially his therapist. You were an objective third party in all of this. You weren’t an Avenger and you hadn’t been put in the same situations that he had so you were able to give him a new perspective. Sure, you didn’t understand the trauma or the guilt that swirled inside of him, but you always seemed to say or do the right things that helped silence it, if even for a couple of hours.

Eventually, Bucky would just start talking about his day and he would ask about yours. The conversation would stay light, and often, he’d leave without touching on some of the deeper things that he usually talked about on the phone. You figured this was because sitting in front of someone and saying those things was far more intimate than saying it through the phone. He didn’t have to see your face and you didn’t see his when he opened up the darkest parts of his mind, so you understood. Either way, you were enjoying his company, and judging by the fact that he kept coming back, you could only assume that he had truly grown to enjoy yours as well.

In those lighter conversations, you could start to see a part of Bucky that you hadn’t really seen at all in the couple of years that you had been friends. He had always had a little edge to him - a hard exterior so that the outside world couldn’t get in and nothing inside of him could get out. However, after about a week of his nightly visits, you could see the tension in his shoulders was gone, and he would lean back against the couch in a far more relaxed way than he ever had before. A smile would form on his lips when he would reminisce on young Steve memories or when he shared something stupid Sam had done on one of their missions. The Winter Soldier was a mere blip in his memory during those nights, and you felt lucky that you were the one that got to see the slow change first-hand. You had also started feeling other things for the man you considered a friend, but you knew it wasn’t the time or place to investigate that any further.

“This is nice,” Bucky murmured one evening on one of his better and more upbeat visits. “It’s nice to sit here and just relax, you know? There hasn’t been a lot of peace lately, and…” His voice trailed off as you could see a cloudy look fill his eyes. You watched as he seemed to lose himself in his thoughts for a moment, but then he was able to pull himself back as he shook his head slightly and his gaze fell to his hands. “It just feels kinda normal.”

Your heart lurched in your chest at his words, and you had to stop yourself from reaching out for him. 

“Hanging out with a friend is normal, Buck,” you replied gently. “It doesn’t matter what time of day or how it’s done.” 

Slowly, Bucky lifted his eyes back to meet yours, and there was something in his expression that you couldn’t quite track. Sam always teased him about his scowl and his staring, but this time, it wasn’t anything like that. It was more open and you could see a mixture of sadness, relief, and maybe… hope? You couldn’t be sure.

“Everyone needs a friend like you,” you heard him mumble as he turned away, and your heart thundered in your chest as you had to hide your smile behind your hand. 

You lost track of how many nights in a row he had started coming over, and eventually, it almost became implied that he was going to stay. You didn’t exactly live close to one another, and as the two of you stayed up later and later, and you hated the idea of him walking across the city back to his apartment when it was so late.

“You can stay here,” you offered when a small yawn slipped through his lips and you caught sight of the time on the clock on the wall. “I have a spare bedroom.”

Bucky had looked at you skeptically for a moment, and you weren’t sure that he was going to accept. You knew that the nightmares played a factor, but it only made sense to you that he be in a place where he would feel safe should he have one. You didn’t say as much, but you hoped that he would have the same thought as you.

“I can sleep on the couch,” he replied, and while you wanted to insist that he sleep somewhere more comfortable, you didn’t push it. You had seen his apartment and knew where he slept, and you would let him choose his own level of comfort while staying with you.

After that, the two of you became practically inseparable. Your friendship took on a whole new meaning as you hung out in the mornings, evenings, and any time that you weren’t at work or he wasn’t busy with other things. He would stay at your apartment religiously, and it almost began to feel like you had a roommate after a while. A roommate that preferred sleeping on the couch to a regular bed, anyways. You knew that Bucky didn’t want to impose, but you never gave him a reason to feel like he was. You made him feel welcome, and you always made sure that he knew that you didn’t mind sharing your space with him.

“So, how long has it been?”

Sam had come over to your apartment that evening for a nice homemade dinner that you had offered to make, and while him and Bucky sat on the couch while you finished things up, Sam had posed the question. 

It wasn’t like your new bond was a secret. Anytime anyone was around the two of you, they could see it. They could see the way Bucky lit up around you, and they could sense the comfort and reassurance that rolled off of you every time you spoke to him. To some, it could seem like a normal friendship, but knowing how Bucky was when it came to letting people in, those that knew him knew that whatever was happening was something special.

“How long has what been?” Bucky asked, annoyance slipping into his tone as he replied. Sam looked over at him and gave him a knowing look.

“How long has it been since you’ve felt like this about someone? And before you say you don’t know what I’m talking about, you know exactly what I’m talking about.”

Instinctively, Bucky glanced over his shoulder towards the direction of the kitchen where he could hear you moving around. A smile quirked up the corner of his lips as he thought about the last couple of months and how close the two of you had gotten. He couldn’t deny that his heart had become quite invested, but he also knew that was a dangerous situation to find himself in, so he never brought it up.

“It’s been a long time,” he answered honestly, even though he didn’t really want to dive much deeper than that. “If ever.”

Sam’s eyebrows rose at Bucky’s response, and almost immediately, a smirk formed on his face. Bucky rolled his eyes as he looked away, but out of the corner of his eye, he could see Sam’s smile soften.

“Does it scare you? I mean, I know that has to be a lot.”

Bucky sighed as he focused on his hands - no longer gloved and hidden away - as he tried to piece his thoughts together. He knew that he probably should be scared, especially with everything he knew about love and caring for another person. However, it just wasn’t there this time.

“With her?” He started before lifting his head to meet Sam’s gaze once more. “Not at all. For the first time, with this one thing, I’m not scared at all.”

He could tell by the look on Sam’s face that he hadn’t expected that response, but before he could say anything more, you entered the room and all of Bucky’s attention was stolen away from him. Bucky moved to stand up as you told them both that dinner was ready. You could tell from the way the air felt around them that they had been talking about something important, but neither one of them offered to share what it was. As Bucky moved passed you, he dropped a kiss to your temple as he thanked you, and his arm snaked around your waist for a quick side-hug before he guided you back towards the dining room.

It was easy. The slow transition from hesitant late night phone calls to whatever was happening now was so seamless, you could hardly believe there was a time where things weren’t like this. When you looked at Bucky now, you saw a man with a traumatic past who was moving forward towards a better future. If you asked him, he would say it was only because you had been there to help, but you couldn’t take that much credit. Everything he had done, he had done because he wanted to. You were just the lucky one who got to be there to celebrate with him when he finally came out on the other side. 

[hangovercurse]

Masterpiece

You and Colson have always had an unspoken agreement about what your relationship is, but one night might change everything.

Request: Hi, thank you for your imagines, love, they're incredible! I had an idea. Maybe when him and reader are getting close he gives a tour of his tattoos to them, cause the reader is very curious?

Colson x Reader

Warnings: Cursing, mentions of sex (nothing explicit but it’s there), a lot of touching

A/N: I had to do so much research for this, I’ve spent the last 48 hours staring at pictures of his chest. I know I didn’t include all of his tattoos, but he hasn’t talked about some of them or even shown them all that much.

Word Count: 3744

The only sounds in the room were your heavy breaths, mixing with his. You took a moment to compose yourself, the adrenaline still running through your body, before sitting up, bringing the comforter with you to cover your bare chest.

You scanned the room, looking for where your clothes had ended up in Colson’s mad rush to undress you. “You’re so beautiful, you know that?” Colson asked, his eyes wandering your body.

Heat rushed to your cheeks. You turned to look at him, a small smile playing on your face. “Careful there, someone’ll think you have feelings.”

He chuckled, reaching out to grab your waist and pulling you back down to the bed. You laid in his arms, head resting against his chest. “You should stay tonight.” He mumbled, fingers running up and down your arm.

You hummed, “Are you asking me to stay?” You looked up at him through your eyelashes, and he swore he almost fell in love right then and there.

You had never stayed the night before, you always just went to his house, fucked, and then left. Staying the night seemed too personal for what you were doing, two lonely souls finding solace in the dark but too afraid to face each other in the light.

“Will you stay the night?” He asked, fighting the urge to press a small kiss to your nose. You nodded, shifting so you were cuddled further into him, your left hand tracing the 1990 tattoo that spread across the left side of his chest.

His skin felt like it was on fire underneath your touch. “If you keep doing that, we’re not gonna be sleeping anytime soon.” He looked down at you, a smirk on his face. You let out a small laugh through your nose, dropping your hand to lay on his chest.

“Sorry.” You mumbled, “I just think they’re really pretty.”

“I think you’re really pretty.” You rolled your eyes, but a smile found its way to your lips. “Lemme show you all of them.” He sat up, pulling you with him. He reached over and flipped on the lamp beside his bed before pointing to the Est. 1990 tattoo that you had been tracing. “This one is pretty self-explanatory.” You giggled lightly.

“The raven I got done to cover up an older tattoo a while ago. I wanted something that would change the way everything looked.” You reached up, about to trace the dagger that went through the raven, before pulling your hand away. Colson smiled, grabbing your hand gently and pulling it up to his chest, silently asking you to trace the ink.

“Why the dagger?” Your voice was soft, but sincere.

He chuckled; you felt his chest move under your hand. “Thought it looked cool. I don’t know, the whole point of the raven was to be a change, so I guess it kinda represents killing an older version of me.”

You nodded, your hand moving down to the hourglass that rested below the claws. “That one just kind of looked cool. And it’s a reminder that we’re all living on limited time, so we should make the most of it.” You bit your lip, smiling at the thoughtfulness he put into all of them.

“And the spider?” You giggled, tracing his nipple and making him flinch.

He grabbed your hand, a tight-lipped smile on his face. “It goes with the bus.” He moved your hand to the red double decker bus beside the spider web. “Have I ever told you about the time I got hit by a bus in Manchester?”

Your eyes went wide, looking up at him with concern. He laughed, “It was like, 8 years ago. Don’t worry.”

You scoffed, rolling your eyes dramatically, “I wasn’t worried.”

He laughed before continuing, “I got hit by this bus while crossing the street looking for weed at like 7 am. The windshield shattered like a fucking spiderweb; it was crazy. And then I just got back up.” You traced the stick figure that was flying off the bus.

“Sometimes I wonder how you’re still alive.” You joked, your voice still quiet.

He watched you intently, taking in the movement of your fingers around his rib cage. “I do too.”

“I mean, I’m happy you’re still alive, its just a little crazy.”

“Careful there, someone’ll think you have feelings.” He echoed a joke you made earlier. You pushed on his chest lightly, smiling. “This one,” he moved your hand to sit just under his armpit, “is the final scene from The Giving Tree."

“That was my favorite book as a kid.” You mumbled; your attention fully focused on the tattoo that you missed Colson’s adoring smile. “Why’d you get it?”

He was quiet for a moment, and you looked up to catch his pale blue eyes. “At one point in my life, it felt like I was giving away every part of me. I felt like the tree, I still do sometimes.”

You nodded, still holding his gaze. You leaned down and pressed a small kiss to the tattoo. This was the most intimate thing you and Colson have ever done, even more so than sex. He was opening up parts of himself to you, something you both had tried to avoid until now.

You looked back at the ink, smiling as your eye caught the tattoo on the underside of his right arm. “Jessica Rabbit, really?” You giggled.

He chuckled, raising his arm to show you the full tattoo. “She’s hot, what can I say?” You rolled your eyes. “You’ve never seen a cartoon character and thought, “damn, he’s sexy as hell”?”

You shook your head, holding back a laugh. “I wouldn’t get him tattooed on me.” He pulled you into his chest, arms wrapping around you. “I wanna keep talking about your tattoos.” You whined, looking up at him.

“I was trying to enjoy the moment, but okay.” He made a face at you and you giggled, leaning into his chest and resting there for a few moments, basking in his presence. You had been scared of moments like these with Colson, and you knew he was too. After Megan, he’d had issues trusting anyone, not that you blame him. But then he’d found you, and you had trust issues of your own, so naturally you two attracted each other while simultaneously keeping each other at arm’s length. But now the distance was closing ever so slightly.

You leaned off Colson, suddenly aware of the change occurring. “I gotta pee.” You mumbled, climbing off the bed, and walking to the en suite bathroom.

“Your ass looks cute.” He called after you, and you blushed when you remembered you were still nude. You took your time in the bathroom, sorting through your thoughts and reminding yourself that you and Colson only existed after 9pm.

When you walked back into the room, you grabbed your panties and pulled them up your legs, then threw Colson’s shirt over your bare chest. He groaned, “you just wanna cover everything up, don’t you?”

You rolled your eyes and climbed back into his bed. He was leaning against the headboard, so you moved to do the same, but he grabbed you and pulled you so you were straddling his lap, facing his chest. His left hand grasped your right, pressing a soft kiss to its top before moving it to his right arm.

“This one reminds me how to get home, literally.” He rested your hand on his 71 North tattoo, “but it’s also a reminder to stay grounded. Always remember where I come from, you know?”

You nodded, tracing each letter and number. “Same thing for the 216 East.”

“What about the compass star?” You whispered, hand moving down to his elbow to trace the seven-pointed star.

“I was gonna get there, don’t rush me.” He joked, pulling his right arm across his chest so you could see the ink better. “It has an E at all the points, because all roads lead back to Cleveland, which is East.”

“That was really cheesy.” You giggled, looking up to his face. He rolled his eyes, his right hand grabbing your free hand and intertwining your fingers. He pulled both your hands up and out, forcing you closer to him. Your faces were close, too close. You were worried he was going to kiss you, and more worried that you were gonna let him. He seemed to realize what he was about to do moments before your lips touched and pulled away, letting your hands go.

You looked down, both of you pretending that didn’t just almost happen. “What does this one say?” You whispered, pointing to the text on his right forearm.

He looked where you were pointing, and smiled sadly. “RIP B. Arnold. I got it after my grandma died. She was probably one of the best people I’ve ever known. She was so open and unjudgmental. She was really special.”

You frowned, “I’m so sorry. I had no idea…” You trailed off, still running your eyes over the letters.

“It’s okay, I got this done a long time ago.” His voice was soft, his eyes watching your face as you studied his painted skin. “But thank you.”

You were quiet for a long time, eyes moving over the other tattoos on his right arm before wandering back to his chest. Your pointer finger ran over the Locals Only tattoo and the Anarchy symbol on his stomach, before moving lower to the “Almost Famous” letters. “If you go any lower I’m gonna get way too distracted to tell you about the rest.” He joked, but you knew he was a little serious.

“That’s the second time you’ve threatened to have sex with me and not followed through. It’s almost like you don’t even want to anymore.” You teased, hands running back up to his chest and resting on his shoulders.

He raised an eyebrow at you, as if you challenged him. “Do you want a tour of my tattoos or not?” You nodded, a laugh falling from your lips. Colson shook his head lightly, looking down at your body in his shirt. “You are something else.” He mumbled under his breath. You were pretty sure you weren’t supposed to hear it, so you pretended you didn’t. You also pretended your heart didn’t flutter at the words.

You moved back from him, eyes scanning his rib cage. “What about this one?” You asked, pointing at the portrait of a man holding a sign that read “Keep your coins, I want change.” You traced it, smiling, “I like it.”

“That’s one of Banksy’s works. The political street artist?” You nodded your head, letting Colson know that you had heard of them. “I thought it was really smart and I like what it means a lot.”

You smiled up at him, admiring the way he lit up when he talked about issues that are important to him. “I like it, too.” Your hand moved up, finding the cursive name a few inches above. You were hesitant to trace it, knowing it bordered on the line of too personal.

“That one’s got a pretty obvious meaning.” He chuckled, seeing where your attention was focused. You smiled, nodding. “You should meet her one day.” He said without thinking.

Your eyes snapped up to his, and you could see the wheels turning in his brain as he realized what he said, “or not, if you don’t- I mean, you don’t have- never mind. Forget I said anything.”

You found his stuttering endearing. “If we ever get to that point, I’d love to meet her.” You whispered, trying to hide the smile that nipped at your lips. Stop it. The voice in your head screamed. This would never work out. You’re just going to get hurt.

Your hand rested on his upper arm, where he had an image of a building with an eye above it. “1984, huh?” You asked, the smile breaking through.

Colson couldn’t help the way he looked at you, stars in his eyes. “You’re one of the only people to ever get it without me telling them.”

“I didn’t expect you to be an Orwell kind of guy.” You chuckled, tracing the eye with your thumb. “It’s really good. I love the cracks in the building and all the shading. It’s beautiful.” Your voice held so much awe, Colson had to stop himself from grabbing your face and kissing you until your lips bled.

He hadn’t felt like this since, well since Megan. And that scared him like hell considering how messed up he was after she left. He’d been afraid to let anyone else in after that, which is why he was so grateful he found you. You were in the same position, you wanted someone to fill the space in your bed but nothing more. But as he spent more time with you, Colson realized he was starting to want more than that.

“I really liked the idea of the people versus this big overbearing power. Like I wanna believe that people still have a say in their lives, that I still have control over my life. Even when it feels like I don’t.” Despite all the stupid shit he did, Colson was incredibly intelligent, and it showed in moments like this.

“That’s amazing.” You breathed, still tracing the cracks in the bricks. A small blush made its way to his cheeks, and he turned his head away from you to hid it.

You flipped his arm to look at the inside, finding the words “Kiss the sky” in black ink. You leaned down, pressing a light kiss to the words. Colson’s head snapped towards you at the sensation, a small chuckle leaving his lips when he realized what tattoo you were kissing. “Cute.” He commented.

You smiled, lips traveling down his arm to the black heart. “Let me guess, you got this one to represent your cold, black heart.” You chuckled, rolling your eyes as he frowned, playfully.

“You’re so mean.” He whispered, biting his lip. “I did, actually, but you make it sound lame. I wanted to say something about the industry with it, how cold it made me.”

You nodded, smiling. “That’s not lame.” You paused, considering your next words. “Do you really feel like that? Like your soul is so dark and cold that there’s no more color inside?”

He studied you, the way you slowly traced the outline of the anatomical heart. “Sometimes, but then I look at Casie or Slim, or any of the people who I love, and who love me, and it gets a little easier.”

“You’re lucky,” you whispered, “to have so many people who love you. People that can pull you out of your head.”

You sighed, moving your attention from the tattoo, and shaking yourself out of your thoughts. His hand reached for your jaw, trying to hold your face but you moved away, looking at his rose tattoo. “This one’s pretty cool.”

He had to lean forward to see which one you were focused on. “I got that one after Bloom. It’s all about becoming a flower from a bud.”

“Yeah, it’s really good.” You sighed, moving your hand up to a red line near his heart, a tattoo of a cut. “What’s this one?”

He threw his head backwards, a laugh leaving his lips. “It’s so stupid now. I got it because I felt like someone ripped my heart out a few years ago. I thought it was really smart at the time but I ended up getting over it and now I’m left with this stupid tattoo.”

You giggled, “I don’t think its that stupid.” Emphasizing the word “that.”

“Here,” he sat up, moving you off his lap and leaning forward so you could see his back, “this is a cool one.”

You had seen the tattoos on his back a few times, but you’d never really gotten to study it. “This is beautiful.” You murmured, reaching out to touch it gently. He flinched under your soft touch, goosebumps forming on his skin. “Sorry.” You whispered, removing your hand.

“It’s okay, your hand’s just cold.” He chuckled. “It’s Dali’s Temptation of Saint Anthony.” He started, and your hand went back to wandering his back. “A lot of people interpret it differently, but I like the idea that the man with the cross is repenting for his sins. Reminds me that we always have a chance to become better people. We can always repent.”

You took in his words, not saying anything. You traced the cross in the figure’s hand, a small smile on your face. “And then, the MGK, of course.”

You rolled your eyes, “Only you would get your own initials tattooed across your back.” You chuckled, jokingly. “It’s really well done.” You reached up and rubbed his shoulders, squeezing gently. “Someone’s tense.” You whispered, feeling the stiffness of his shoulders.

He groaned as you gently massaged his shoulders, moving to sit behind him with your knees on either side of his waist. He leaned his head back onto your shoulders, looking up at you. “You are too good to me.” He mumbled, pressing a kiss to your neck.

You chuckled, leaning down to graze his lips, “I’m not doing this for free.” You mumbled, connecting your lips in a hot, needy kiss. He shifted so that he could twist his upper body to face you, taking your bottom lip between his teeth. You moaned into his mouth, hands moving up to his neck and pulling him closer to you.

He pulled away, resting his forehead against yours. “I thought you wanted to see the rest of my tattoos?” He asked, a smirk on his face.

You rolled your eyes pushing him away from you and moving back to his left side, sitting with your legs tucked under you. “I do, but I can’t help that I’m in your bed and you look fuckable right now.” You leaned in and pressed a kiss to his neck, just below his ear.

“Let me finish the tour and then maybe I can help you with that.” He rubbed your bare thigh as you sucked on his neck, leaving a mark.

You whined when your lips left his skin, a pout on your face. “What’s this one, then?” You asked, hand tracing the two X’s on his ear.

“It’s part of the MGK brand. C’mon, you should know this.” He laughed, obviously messing with you. “I don’t know it just kind of became our symbol after 19XX was created. It’s the family.”

You smiled, pressing a kiss to the black ink. “Cute.”

He blew air out of his nose, hands moving to the sheets that were covering his lower half. You raised an eyebrow at him, tilting your head. “I have two more that I wanna show you on my legs, get your mind out of the gutter.” You giggled as he pushed the fabric to the side, exposing his right leg.

You noticed the obvious tattoo, the marijuana leaf on his right knee. “That one’s really creative.” You said sarcastically. He chuckled, watching you trace the words around it. “Into the woods I go, to lose my mind and find my soul.” You read the tattoo out loud, biting your lip to hide the grin on your face.

“John Muir. I thought it was really meaningful. I keep digging my own holes in order to crawl out of the ones I’m already in. But I think it’s made me know myself better.” You looked up at him, your eyes shining bright. His eyes met yours briefly, and then flittered away, cheeks turning pink.

“Okay, last one. It’s not nearly as cool as some of the other ones, but I think you’ll appreciate it.” He pulled his knee towards his chest, angling the limb so you could see the tattoo on the inside of his ankle. It was two stick figures, one with a mohawk.

You smiled, “Radiohead but make it Colson Baker.” You mumbled, shaking your head with a giggle.

He nodded, “I was fucked up when I got this one.” He laughed, “But it’s kinda grown on me.”

“I was expecting some big lead up to like, the final tattoo that was gonna be so special. Instead, you give me two stick figures and the word punk on your ankle.” You chuckled, seeing the small pout on his face. “I’m kidding.” You laughed, moving to sit on his lap again, your hand resting on his chest.

“Thank you,” you whispered, hands running over his chest, “for showing me all these.”

“I’ve never really explained all of them to anyone before. Like people can see them and I’ve talked about some of them in interviews, but nothing like this before.” His hands wrapped around your waist, pulling you even closer to him.

You looked down, biting your lip. “Why’d you show me?”

He bent his head down to catch your eyes, nose rubbing against yours. “Cause I wanted you to know.” You smiled, meeting his gaze. Your hand reached to the back of his neck, pulling him enough that his lips crashed into yours.

You were expecting the kiss to be sloppy, hungry, but instead it was unlike any kiss you’d ever shared with him. It was sweet, soft, and oddly personal. It said all the things Colson was too scared to speak.

You pulled away, confusion lingering behind your eyes. What does he mean? What do I mean? What are we doing?

His eyes seemed to hold all the answers. I’m terrified to want you, but I can’t stop myself.

You leaned back into him, kissing him softly. His hands hesitantly ran up your sides before moving to your cheeks, cradling your face in his hands. “Let’s get to sleep.” You whispered after separating, a smile on our face. You gave his lips a quick peck before climbing off of him.

He turned the lamp beside him off, encasing you in darkness. You laid down on the bed, facing away from him. Moments later he settled down, facing your back. He reached out and pulled your hip so that you were facing him. You got the hint and flipped over fully, a grin on your lips. Silently, he pulled you closer to him, holding you tightly as you drifted off to sleep for the first time together.

[newtonsheffield]

sigh. i feel like you sewed the seeds for this.

molly would u like to elaborate on the skirt incident please, including both Mary’s reaction and Anthony’s when kate tells him about it ?

Okay, I walked myself into this one didn't I?

There's some spice at the beginning and then some Mary, and then some awkwardness. I might go to hell but you know what, I already was going to probably.

"Oh my god, Oh my god, Kate Baby that feels so fucking good." Anthony groaned as their hips ground together, his hands tight on her hips, Her knuckles white on headboard of his bed. A low whine ripped from her chest as he tilted her hips just slightly, the new angle forcing her even closer to the edge than she already was, dangling just over the precipice, ready to fall. And then his hand snaked between her legs as well, joining in the desperate rhythm and she fell apart for him with a sharp shout, shuddering against him.

Anthony's head dropped to her shoulder, his teeth nipping the skin there firmly, and fuck she hoped it bruised, maybe it was wrong but she didn't really care at this point, it just felt so brutally good. Surrendering control of her life in some way, to someone she trusted so much. God she was climbing higher and higher again, the scent of him all around her and it was just too much,

"I'm so close baby, Can I do the thing?"

She whined at the thought of it. "Say it and you can do it." Her voice breathless.

Anthony groaned, "Kate I wanna cum on you." She fell again, Anthony's hand covering her mouth, muffling her scream so his mother downstairs wouldn't hear. And then he was gone, while she was still shuddering against him collapsing against his pillows, the sharp snap of latex and warmth covered her back.

Anthony's breathless laughter filled the room, his face appearing as he rolled her gently, ignoring her groan of protest for his sheets. God he was so beautiful, his hair braided back, exertion shining from his face, his eyes shining with love.

"You're beautiful and I love you." His voice was still rough as he nuzzled against her neck, pulling her closer.

"I love you too." Kate said tiredly, her eyelids fighting to close, sleep taking her for just a moment.

The alarm rang through the room, just like it always did eventually, to warn Kate that her curfew was approaching. They'd very quickly realised, that the moments after they had sex were, to Anthony especially, just as nice as the act itself. He always seemed desperate to be close to her afterwards, to cuddle together in the warmth of the love between them and it was nice, Kate rarely slept better actually.

She sighed as she sat up, Anthony groaning beside her, casting around for her clothes.

"Come on big boy, your best friend Tom isn't going to like you so much if you're later bringing me back." She couldn't resist the tease though her heart filled with joy that her father had accepted Anthony for who he really was, rather than what he looked like.

She hummed to herself as she got dressed cleaning herself up, casting around for her skirt last of all and "Oh Fuck!"

Anthony's head shot towards her, still buttoning his jeans, suddenly concerned. "Are you alright, Fuck, Kate did I hurt you? I'm so-"

"You came on my skirt." She was staring down at her skirt, a white stain a little too evident against the purple fabric.

Anthony's mouth fell open. "Oh shit, it must have been when I rolled you. It'll probably come out in the wash."

Panic was building slightly in her chest. "I don't care about the skirt! but Mary and my Dad are probably going to notice it when I get home."

"They might be in bed?"

They weren't. Because it was 9pm when Anthony dropped Kate off at home, a nervous kiss before she opened the door as quietly as she could.

"That you Katie?" Mary's voice called out mildly, as soon as she snuck inside.

"Yes! Who else would have a key?!" Kate called back a little hysterically, there was movement in the living room and Kate pressed her back against the wall praying that they didn't-

"How was Anthony's Peanut?" Her Dad's smiling face appeared in the hall, Mary smiling beside him. Kate felt her cheeks burning, her heart hammering.

"It was good." She managed to squeak out.

Mary eyed her shrewdly, "Katie, tomorrow I think we need to-"

"Sorry, Um, I have some homework to do." Kate whirled quickly, her back facing up the stairs, taking a tentative step.

"It's the holidays." Her Dad frowned.

"Never hurts to get a head start!" Kate said, blessedly thankful that she'd reached the landing, and without waiting for a response she whirled around and left her bemused parents in the hallway.

"Kate, honey, why did you wash a single skirt?"

Kate's heart stopped as she spun towards Mary, her skirt from last night held in her hands, a curious look on her face. She tried to school her features into something calm.

"Oh um, when I got home I realised i'd spilled something on it. Didn't want it to stain."

Mary nodded, still not looking away, "I would have got the stain out for you. Or told you how."

Kate's cheeks burned, Christ the thought of Mary instructing her how to remove Anthony's cum from her skirt, mortifying. Absolutely mortifying.

"I didn't want to bother you, you already do so much for me."

Mary sighed, folding the skirt and placing it gently on the end of her bed. "Sweetheart, you're my daughter, it's my job."

Kate felt awkward tears sting at her eyes as Mary smiled gently at her.

"Katie, I'm going to ask you a question and I want you to be honest with me, if you can."

Kate's heart stuttered, panic rising in her chest, she knew what was coming next.

"Are you and Anthony having sex?"

"Yes." It had fallen from her lips before she could stop it, and honestly she didn't want to deny it anyway. They were in love, and he was going to move to Cambridge with her and start a life together, and she didn't want to lie about that, not to Mary. "i know what you're going to say, but Mary, I love him and-"

Mary shook her head, "Are you being safe?"

Kate nodded. "And he's respectful? He treats you well, he asks for consent?" Kate nodded even more vigorously.

"Then that's all I care about. You're eighteen sweetheart, I'm glad you're happy." And then Mary was gone, leaving Kate sitting on her bed completely bemused.

"You told Mary what?!" Anthony squawked later that day in his mother's kitchen, the carrot he'd been chopping flinging wildly from his hand.

Kate rolled her eyes, "It's not a big deal. She knew anyway, she saw the skirt."

"Jesus Christ." Anthony muttered to himself, his ears burning. "Your Dad is going to kill me."

Kate blanched, "Honey, I don't think Mary ran down stairs and said Yes Tom, Kate lets Anthony cum all over her!"

Anthony let out a startled gasp. "God, can you imagine? He'd hit me with the walking stick for sure."

Laughter bubbled between them at the ridiculousness of the situation, echoing through the kitchen as their lips met.

But really, Kate did have to admit it was a little awkward when Mary left a box of condoms on her desk after going to Asda the next day.

[tobiosmilktea]

can i request headcannons for tsukishima, kuroo, iwa, and oikawa on their best friend telling them that they like someone so the boys get all sad (or whatever reaction you see fit) but it turns out that their bff was talking about them the whole time + like a confession. thank you in advance 💞

hidden feelings with tsukishima, kuroo, iwaizumi, and oikawa

a/n: sorry for the wait! this was really fun to write, hope you all like it :)) also scenarios are going to take a little longer to publish, but i’ll make sure to get them out asap !

— t. kei

you honestly said it out of the blue

you didn’t think of it much, it was more like a little hint since surely tsukishima was smart enough to figure it out right?

wrong.

you both were in the middle of a study session break and the entire time you could barely focus when the guy you were entirely whipped for was sitting right in front of you

the workspace was small too as both of your materials could barely fit on the table, his face was barely a foot away from yours the entire time

like hOW THE HELL IS HE NOT FLUSTERED RN

it’s been like this for ages though, ever since you two had met the beginning of your first year at karasuno

you immediately fell in love with his humor with how his quite teasing charm was always your favorite type of banter

and you could tell that he had some sort of soft spot for you ever since you could fire back the same spit fire of jokes and teasing just as he did for you

you just hoped that all that teasing (which was literally dRENCHED in flirtations and suggestive humor) that you hoped that a smartass like tsukishima kei would finally get it

but it’s been months and none of it had worked, so you opted for a different approach

you haven’t exactly seen tsukishima jealous and you genuinely wanted to see his reaction that one of his closest friends had taken a liking for someone else

“can i ask you something?” you would start. it was something nonchalant and open ended so of course tsukishima couldn’t really say no

“hm,” he hums as he sipped on his juice box

you cleared your throat, “so there’s this guy i like...”

then a scoff leaves his lips and interrupts you

you give him a look to which his eyes immediately softened as he shook his head, “sorry, keep going.”

“aNYWAY, i’ve liked this guy for a while now and i’ve been hinting that i like him for a while now, but i’m starting to think that he might be too dense to even see.”

tsukishima’s expression was unreadable as he drank the very last of his juice box’s contents before crushing it in his hand, chucking to the other side of the room and into his trash bin

“i think that guy's an idiot.” he concludes, clearing his throat.

“really?” you said, it was almost enticing.

“yeah, honestly i think you shouldn’t be wasting your time on that guy...”

a small pout melted upon your lips as tsukishima’s golden eyes met yours

“why would you think that?”

“cause i think you should pay attention to me instead.” he said out of the blue

“hUH?”

homie really caught you off guard

like you were genuinely confused to whether or not he misspoke or if this was another one of his playful banter

“yeah right,” you muttered, picking up your pencil and continued to jot down notes in attempt to leave the subject behind

“i’m serious.” he deadpanned

your gaze flickered back up to him as you pursed your lips, biting them as you felt your heart beat pound harder against your ribs. your chest was already constricted from the thought of embarrassing yourself for even bringing it up

“who is this guy anyway?” tsukishima continues and it honestly sounded like a genuine threat.

you roll your eyes and scoff, “i was talking about you idiot!”

a small smirk appeared on his lips as if it was the most knowing and condescending look ever, “good, that’s what i thought.”

“hUH?” x2

once again your eyes were wide and confused

“there’s a reason why yamaguchi always leave us alone together.”

— k. tetsurou

it was 2am with you and kuroo being suPER delirious

as it was the start of the weekend, kuroo thought it was a good idea to hangout at your place after vb practice along with kenma

you two were literally the golden trio at nekoma, so it was a given

kenma had left hours ago around 9pm to go home, but honestly there is a good chance he’s still awake and just wanted to leave with the amount of tension between you and kuroo

not to mention he wanted to play games on his computer

kenma literally couldn't stand that awkward air between you and the vb team captain as your usual hangouts didn’t even feel normal anymore

as if you both were stepping on fragile eggshells after what happened earlier during the school day at lunch

it seems like all your advances in terms of trying to flirt with him was always flying over his head

even kenma, who sometimes didn’t pay attention to the conversation as he was too busy playing on his PSP, knew that you would often try and ask kuroo out

even if they were slightly sly and sometimes sounded like normal friendly hangouts, there were so many opportunities to turn it into sometimes, but kuroo was far too cloudy-minded to even spare that thought

but if kenma was being honest, the awkward tension between you and kuroo primarily started cause of him

he was the one who proposed the plan that you should try and make kuroo jealous. if he did have a negative reaction to you saying you liked someone else, then he liked you back. but if he didn’t, then no harm done!

honestly, it sounded like a plan and you deadass said it in the middle of lunch

you three were out in the courtyard eating your bentos when you suddenly said, “so there’s this guy i really like...”

and it immediately got kuroo’s attention

“who?” he immediately asked.

you feigned a smirk to appear on your lips as you simply shrugged to stay in the act, “just someone.” you swatted the thought away, “anyway, i’m just asking on how i should confess to them—”

“it’s yaku isn’t it?” kuroo suddenly concluded

“what? no—”

“then wHO?”

“someone who’s too stupid to see i have feelings for him!” you suddenly spew out.

kuroo’s eyes peered suspiciously at you, nodding as he turned away. “i see how it is, (y/n). i’d honestly like to meet this guy.”

“trust me, you already know.”

and perhaps that wasn’t the best thing to say as kuroo immediately started badgering you with annoying questions once again

throughout the entire day you had been rejecting to answer which basically leads to right now

you and kuroo alone at 2am in your room, sitting in awkward tension as kuroo literally refuses to leave unless you tell him who you liked

“at least give me their initials, (y/n)” the vb captain begged

“noPE!”

“please?” he continued to asked, “i’ll literally buy you all your favorite snacks, just tell me who!”

you roll your eyes, preparing to say no again, but the thought suddenly hits you

why was he so determined to know who you liked if he in fact, doesn’t have feelings for you?

“why do you care so much about who i like?” you suddenly asked 

“c-cause i’m your best friend and i care about you!”

you peered your eyes at him, “kenma is also my best friend and cares about me, and yet you don’t hear him pestering me about my love life.”

you swore you saw the tiniest bit of pink blush on kuroo’s cheeks that perhaps his ears were tinted as well

he looked absolutely beautiful under the moonlight

a sigh left his lips, “because i want to be the only boy in your life.” (besides kenma, but he didn’t mention it cause it was just you and him)

you couldn’t help but feel a smile melt upon your visage, “then i guess it’s a good thing that you’re the one i like.”

— i. hajime

you and iwaizumi were staying after school as you two were on clean up duty

the hallways were pretty empty besides a few handfuls of students also cleaning classrooms or at club activities

it was just the usual, but you surely weren’t acting normal that even iwaizumi noticed

he’s one of your closest friends ever since middle school and you liked to believe that he considered you two best friends, but he usually minded his own business when it came to you

perhaps that’s what made you act so different around him

you weren’t the same (y/n) that would walk with him to and from school, the one who would eat every lunch with him and oikawa, the one who he wouldn’t have to worry about so much since oikawa was primarily his source of stress

but recently, that seemed to have transferred onto you ever since iwaizumi had been too preoccupied with oikawa and volleyball, that you making your feelings for him extremely obvious wasn’t enough

you two have been cleaning for about thirty minutes in (almost complete) silence

really, the only sound coming from the room was the clattering and squeaking of moving chairs and desks around to mop

iwaizumi wasn’t usually the one to get so fed up, especially with you

but this time was different

“so are you going to tell me what’s wrong or are you going to be childish and act like oikawa by giving me the silent treatment?” he starts and you immediately felt your body freeze, but immediately caught yourself and continued to clean

you hear him sigh defeated to which caused your body to turn towards him, “did i do something wrong?”

there was obvious hurt lacing his voice, that he perhaps jeopardized one of his closest friendships over something he didn’t know anything about

you were aware of this and immediately approached him, “you didn’t do anything wrong...” you hesitate as you didn’t know how to follow it up with, “i’m just being moody that’s all”

honestly, not your best excuse but it was workable

“then tell me what’s wrong, (y/n). i’m your best friend that’s what i’m supposed to do.”

and there it was. that look and attitude that made you fall in love with him in the first place

as if a huge wave just crashed upon you, your heartbeat intensified the moment you noticed how close you were to him

you gulped down your rising nerves, almost panicking as the words miraculously left your mouth. “i don’t think the guy i like likes me back.”

it was safe to say, that that definitely wasn’t what iwaizumi was expecting

if anything he was surprised and almost obligated as your best friend to comfort you in that moment, but he couldn’t help but feel almost betrayed

he knew he had no right to as he was nothing more than just a friend to you. so he swallowed his pride and nods with a faux smile on his lips

“it’s okay, (y/n). there’s so many other guys out there.”

then it came down like a sudden downpour, “but i only want you.”

“w-what?” it left his lips almost like a whisper as his eyes widened into saucers

“i’m talking about you, idiot.” you gently hit his hard chest, “but you obviously don’t like me back as you blatantly overlook what i say whenever i flirt with you."

“(y/n), i—”

you continued muttering in a hurried and embarrassed spiel that you didn’t even notice him trying to talk, “it’s okay, i’m ready for rejection, i just don’t want this to ruin our friendship—”

“it won’t because i literally like you too (y/n).” he finally cut in to say, taking you aback

“oh.” you say, still in shock, “cool.”

— o. tooru

you were in quite the predicament

rather than giving oikawa the silent treatment, he was giving it to you instead

basically, what happened was that perhaps you got a bit fed up with how popular oikawa was with girls and how they would often times flock him in packs sporadically throughout the day

and as if the world was out to get you, the packs of girls would always seem to come over whenever it was just you and oikawa alone

surely, from the three years you and oikawa had been friends, you’d assume that you’d get used to it

but you haven’t.

in the first two years of hs, you were pretty lenient and understanding and you truly didn’t mind it but now in your last and final year, you were tired of it

surely it didn’t help when that annoyance was fueled by your pent up feelings for oikawa in the past three years

the only reason why you hesitated to even say anything about your feelings was that you never really had the chance. with so many pretty people in and outside of aoba johsai, oikawa can be guaranteed a significant other within a snap

you felt easily replaceable, not to mention you definitely weren’t his first priority

he was too busy trying to get to nationals and to beat shiratorizawa that a relationship was the last thing on his mind

so here you two were, cleaning up the equipment in the gym in complete silence as volleyball practice had just finished as you were one of the managers

it had been like this for the past three days, being forced to physically interact, yet still not speaking to each other

like right now, you and oikawa were folding up the net neatly to eventually it got shorter and shorter that you and him had met closely in the middle

oikawa seemed to have paused the moment your hand made contact with his to make the final fold and that was when he completely broke

“ugh, i can’t take it anymore!” he exclaimed, shocking you slightly as you took the folded net from him. “i don’t get it (y/n), why can’t you just tell me who you like? i promise i’ll keep it secret!”

“be quiet,” you mutter as you turn your back towards him, “if you keep acting like this, i won’t tell you.”

he groaned once more, his feet dragging on the ground as he stumbled towards you. you froze under his touch the moment his rested his head on your shoulder.

“i just want to know cause i don’t want you to look at other guys.”

god, he was so fucking adorable

you hated to say it, but you gave into him and his charisma and how his easy words could have you complying

“fine,” you sigh, turning to face him. your breath hitched in your throat when you realize how close he was, “he’s on the volleyball team, he’s a third year—”

oikawa cut you off, “it’s iwaizumi isn’t it? i knew it! honestly, no offense to iwa, but i think i would make a better boyfriend, don’t you think?”

you couldn’t help but chuckle with a smile on your face, “you think so?”

“i know so.”

“well, fortunately for you, you’re the guy i really like.” you confessed, watching his expression brighten.

“so you made me go through three days of silent treatment just to finally date you?”

you shrug, asking, “was it worth it?” before being engulfed completely into a hug

“yes.”

a/n: this hasn’t been proofread if you couldn’t tell 👀

[neonacity]

Black Daisies Chapter 5| Canzona

Preview:

“Only the dead have seen the end of war.”

An NCT mafia AU with OT23. 

Summary: Working for the mafia comes with many layers. There’s excitement, violence, loss, and betrayals. Yet there’s also friendship, family, loyalty, and code. The last thing it needs? Love and all the complexities it brings.

TW: violence, death, mentions of drugs and other illegal activities. If you’re uncomfortable with any of these, feel free to skip. Author’s note: This is purely a work of fiction. In no way am I supporting all the illegal activities and behaviors that might be mentioned in the story nor am I implying that any member of NCT acts whichever way I may write them here--they’re all sweetiepies that need to be protected.

Chapter: 1/ First Stage

Chapter: 2/Overture

Chapter: 3/The Conductor

Chapter: 4/Crescendo

The fog of smoke from the lighted cigarette mixed with the cold breath coming from blood red lips. A woman stood in a small overhead overlooking the city, watching the shadows move across Seoul like a dark cloud bidding disaster. 

The sound of gravel crunching under boots sounded from behind her. She didn’t acknowledge it at first, however, instead dropping the nearly finished stick of nicotine between her fingers to the ground. A gust of air blew the stray stub away, its embers flaring up slightly before dying out. 

“You shouldn’t have come here.”

For a moment, it was only silence that answered her. Her dress danced in the wind, its red color looking like dried blood in the darkness. 

“You were waiting...for me.”

She finally turned around to look at the guest. Her eyes, though naturally sharp, flickered with familiarity as she took in the form of the boy in front of her. 

“I know you’re about to do something silly. I’m only here to tell you to stop whatever idea you’re having right now.”

The figure didn’t move in front of her, but the way he stared at her made the distance between them almost crackle with electricity. The man’s jaw tightened, before it finally relaxed just a little bit. 

“None of NCT is planning to participate in his game.”

The woman merely raised a perfectly shaped brow, knowing that there’s more to what he is saying.

“But I—”

“Jaehyun. Don’t be stupid.” 

“Being the Don means I can do anything I want, right? So you and I can—”

“There is no you and I,” her voice, though it sounded clipped and cold in the meeting hall earlier, had a tinge of emotion this time. Is it desperation? Frustration? Helplessness?

Jaehyun took a few steps towards the smaller figure in front of him, his hands shoved deep into his pockets to keep him from reaching out to her. 

“You will be free. From him. From all of this.” 

“If you win.” 

“And I will.”

“Not after you’ve betrayed your brothers. You know what things this kind of game brings. Don’t do something you’ll regret later.”

He locked his jaw again, his expression intense even under the shadows that wrapped the two of them. Jaehyun finally pulled one hand from his pocket and moved it to touch her arm. The woman took a step back, evading his touch carefully.

“I don’t need to betray anyone. We all agreed on it. Everything will carry out as usual,” he said in a tone that sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than anyone else. As she looked up at him, she saw the same desperation in his eyes—the same eyes that used to be so innocent before they were hardened by his life in the mafia. 

“And you believe them? Look at where you are now, in front of me, telling me you’ll be doing this. You think you are the only one who has a reason to go after the position among all of you?”

“I…” he trailed off, a frown settling on his forehead. “I trust them.”

“With the way you are acting, I don’t think you are worthy of their trust at all.”

Something finally snapped inside of him and he finally closed the distance between them in quick strides. He didn’t touch her, but they were close enough to each other that the cold fogs of their breath mingled in the darkness.

“This is the only chance I have—you have—to finally leave.” 

For a moment she simply looked at him, gaze unfaltering. She wanted nothing more than to reach out to his face and cradle it, tell him everything is going to be fine, but even as a flicker of emotion slipped on her gaze, she quickly let her cold mask replace it as fast as it came. 

“I don’t need you to save me. Don’t do this.” 

Before he could say, or do anything else, she finally took a step back again before turning on her heels to walk away. Jaehyun followed her with his gaze until the darkness swallowed her retreating form. 

“Yo, you okay?”

I looked up from squinting at my computer and turned towards the boy grinning in front of me. I probably looked funny, my face all scrunched up from staring at my screen, because he broke into a laugh before dropping himself into the seat next to me.

“Ya… I know Taeyong said you’ll be our first line of defense, but you haven’t peeled your butt from your seat since last night. Relax. I don’t think Cypher is going to do anything—at least not for now.”

My squint turned into a frown and I opened my mouth to shoot back a reply. Before I could say anything though, a painful throb on my left temple made me stop. I barely slept a wink last night. I leaned back on my chair with a defeated sigh. 

“You don’t know that, Yuta. Those guys… they’re nasty. If they got the same message that we all got last night, I’m 99 percent sure they’re thinking of something to sabotage us now.” 

“Mm… were you able to hack into their system though?”

“Yeah. Their firewall sucks as usual. Nothing seems out of place for now…” I trailed off as my gaze moved across the room. From upstairs, I saw Taeyong slip out of his room in his sweats, hair messy from sleep. He ducked into the fridge on the second floor, rummaging for something there. 

After the announcement from the Don, all the members decided to stay in the headquarters temporarily instead of going to their separate dorms to ‘watch each other’s backs.’ It was a good move in my opinion, but another side of me is also a little bit nervous of having everyone around all the time. Not that I don’t like having the guys as company… but I have my personal reasons to be anxious about the recent change in living arrangements. 

From upstairs, Taeyong finally managed to fish out one of the tetra boxes of banana milk from the back of the fridge. I didn’t realize I was still staring at him until his eyes finally met mine and he gave me a sleepy smile. 

I quickly turned my eyes back to Yuta only to find him giving me a Cheshire grin. 

“What?”

“I asked you if you also tried checking temporary databases Cypher might be using but you were too busy eating up breakfast with your eyes,” he snickered before throwing up his hands as if in surrender. “I get it, I get it. All of us are handsome but you only have eyes for—” 

I quickly gave him a punch on his left shoulder as I felt blood rush to my cheeks. “I—wasn’t staring!”

“Sure, you were just drooling—”

“Hey, anyone up for some drinks tonight?” 

Our childish banter temporarily stopped as Yuta and I looked up to see a very sweaty Johnny stride through the door. He was slightly panting as he approached us, the slight flush of his cheeks a sign that he just finished his morning run. 

“Why? You going to Anarchy?” Yuta asked in curiosity as he dug his hands in the front pocket of his sweater. 

“Yeah, I have to make sure the dealers are selling the new goods well. I could go alone as usual but our Mom there,” he moved his lips to point towards a still sleepy-looking Taeyong upstairs, “said it is best to go in groups for now. You know, just to be sure.” 

Yuta shrugged. “I can go with you. I’ll also ask the other guys too. I sure need a bottle or two.” 

Johnny turned to look at me. For the first time since last evening, I felt extremely conscious of how I look. I was wearing an oversized hoodie, my hair up in a sorry excuse of a bun. My glasses didn’t do me any favors, barely concealing the dark circles under my eyes.

“You want to come with us?” he asked, smiling at me. 

“Uh… I don’t think that’s a good idea. I have to—”

“She has to watch over the rats, is what she’ll say,” Yuta interjected from his seat. He turned to look at me then with a frown. “Seriously, if you’re going to act like this, you’ll never see sunlight in the next two months.”

I opened my mouth to speak but Johnny was too quick to answer for me. 

“Great. You’ll come with us then.”

“But—”

“You can work in the club. I’ll have Jungwoo bring those mini computers you both love tinkering with. You can use them to do your magic codes and spying voodoo, right?” 

I stared at him, at a loss for words. 

“Good talk. We leave at 9PM,” he flashed me another grin and turned to walk away. I was about to give another rebuttal when my eyes landed on the way his shirt stuck to the muscles of his back. I closed my mouth and sank back to my seat. 

Beside me, Yuta was grinning from ear to ear again. 

“Don’t you just love it that we’re all staying here now?”

I turned and gave him another punch on the shoulder. 

Two hundred miles away from Seoul, a man sat back on his seat as the screen in front of him turned black. The lone light of the overhead lamp in the room made eerie shadows dance across his face as he mulled over the closing words of the Don.

“You are free to do anything you like.”

His impassive face slowly broke into a smile so sinister it almost made his angelic features unrecognizable. He has no fucking idea why the idiotic man decided to start this little game of his, but he likes it nonetheless. A chance to take over the whole mafia sounded so enticing to him that it almost made him laugh, but there’s another reason that ultimately made his blood boil in excitement.

NCT. 

“Jihoon.” 

He only slightly moved his head to look at the female who cracked the door open to his room. She had the same eyes as him, though hers didn’t look tainted with madness. In fact, it look slightly worried right now as they took in his expression. 

“You called for me?” 

“Ah, yes,” he finally turned his swivel chair towards her so he could give her his full attention. He intertwined his long slender fingers on his lap and gave her a sweet smile. 

“I need you to make preparations. We’ll be going on a little field trip.”

Her questioning gaze almost made him snicker.

“Where are we going? We have a deal to close tomorrow and we can’t—”

“Oh dear, I can’t care less about that now. It can wait.” 

The girl pursed her lips. “Fine. Where are we headed to so I can make arrangements?”

The boy leaned back on his seat, head pressed against the headrest. He grinned at her, the emotion playing in his eyes making her blood run cold. 

“Seoul. We’re going to visit some friends.” 

---

A/N: Hi everyone! Decided to post this today even though it is super short. So I’ve decided to introduce Jihoon... and I would love it if I can have a face claim that I can use for him as a reference. To those who have been following the story, I’d love to know your suggestions! This will make it easier for me to develop him because then I’ll have an idea of how he looks like. <3

Chapter 6: Rapture