#don't take this too seriously as i've said i have neither the time or mental capacity to think of this fully

[abelllia]

i feel like there’s a connection to be drawn between martin blackwood and dr. jekyll but i have neither the time nor mental capacity to think about it fully

[alexissara]

Happy Day of Visibility for Non-monogamy

[Image From Ayaka is in Love with Hiroko!]

Today is Day Of Visibility for Non-monogamy, I am polyamarous, I've written about it a few times in recent days so feel free to ya know search Polyam on my blog and you'll see plenty of writing if you want more but today is gonna be completely personal chat. So strap in for my asexual lesbian polyamarous life.

I personally attempt to be as non hierarchical as possible, I am engaged [and have been] to my Fiancé whom i've dated since I was in Freshmen year of high school so obviously we have tons of history and in these 15 years of love i've never felt like I needed monogamy in my relationship with them. I've dated a set of long distance partners for around 8 years now and I love all of those women and wouldn't replace them for the world, we spend hours and hours every single day talking. I had a recent ex girlfriend whom I almost dated for 2 years before our break up and I have a non traditional subby dommy kinda thing going on with a really sweet girl that's been going on for over a year now.

My Fiancé has been dating another amazing girl who I think is amazing [as a friend] for like 5 years now and she has a boyfriend who is married to another woman but he lives with her. My Girlfriend has been dating another girl who is like one of my best friends ever for a lot of years now too. I have a pretty good relationship with the whole polycule and I am really happy to be able to not just have all this love but to have all this love for my partners. It's super fun to see my partners date and fall in love and explore themselves in new ways, it's fantastic.

I would say my approach is mostly a relationship anarchist style in that I let relationships be what they are as opposed to feeling like a strict line from what interactions with people of particular titles can be. That said when we decide on a title I do take them very seriously and want to respect when a relationship has elevated into something clearly romantic between me and those other people. I love, love but I also understand that I only have so many hours in the day and I want to make sure I am treating everyone well.

Non-Monogamy can be a little bit of work but relationships can be too. At first I was really bad at polyamory, I thought you had to be in a relationship with everyone dating everyone and tried to like force that kind of dynamic which neither of my partners appreciated and they sat me down to clear it up with me that they weren't interested in each other romantically. I also worked to stop comparing people to each other. It had always been that different partners had given had given me different things in my life.

Two years ago I was really sick, like constantly in and out of the hospital sick. During that time I only grew to appreciate my polycule even more. Having my loved ones all in a group chat giving each other updates, having people be awake at different hours so I couldn't be alone and depressed and feeling horrible. I felt so lucky to have so much love and to be showered in that affection all of them trying their best to help take care of me. Honestly, I don't know if my mental health could have been as okay as it was in such a terrible state with that constant affection from everyone.

I hope we can live in a world that becomes more accepting of non monogamy and that we have more rights. My partners matter so deeply to me and I couldn't chose between them. Like a body needs a bunch of different vitamins I need a lot of different love to stay healthy. This is who I am, this is who my heart is, this is me. To every other non monogamous person out there, your not alone, your seen, your loved and we have each other if we don't have anything else.

[flowwochair]

Why did Jean-Baptiste Bessieres burn his correspondence? (a list of - unprofessional - theories)

Writing a post to de-stress in between one of the most annoying to research university assignments I've done in a while (what historians don't tell you is that research can be the biggest pain in the ass aspect of writing I guess).

Anyways, today in the Napoleonic Bubble server I was talking to some friends about Bessieres's mystery correspondence and reasons why he could've burned them (as his motive for doing such wasn't entirely clear, nor can we be certain of the contents of the many letters he burned). Here's a couple of the theories I came up with, I'm listing them off just for fun and to see what you guys think, I might be a history major but please don't take these too seriously as I literally came up with them on the spot as we were talking.

Let's start with the Murat related theories to get my BessiMu obsession out of the way first: 1 - Bessieres had been secretly corresponding with Murat This one is pretty self-explanatory, especially after Murat's betrayal, Bessieres himself could've been accused of treason had he had been corresponding with Murat. Furthermore, neither seemed to hold disdain for each other following Murat's betrayal. One point I will need you to keep in mind is that Murat grieved for Bessieres death, something I sincerely believe he wouldn't have done had they been in bad terms. In this case, their correspondence may not have been political, instead being general conversation between the two which Bessieres was still scared of being caught for. 2 - Bessieres had been corroborating with Murat in some other way - Bessieres was making plans with Murat either for Murat's return to France or for a potential attack from Murat. Bessieres, as Murat's long-time friend, would've been an excellent source of insider information for Murat if we're to believe they were still communicating. Where this theory falters is where you believe Bessieres's laid his loyalty more strongly/sincerely (with his boss and friend Napoleon, or with his long time friend and coworker Murat), additionally, I am unsure (regardless of Murat's access to insider info and his notorious stubbornness) how viable it would've been for Murat to literally fight his way into good graces again so...

Now for the other theories 3- Bessieres was working with France's enemies (betrayal theory) - Bessieres may have burned evidence of him providing information to France's enemies or requesting to switch over to their side. The realism of this theory once again depends on where you believe his loyalty was and how strong said loyalty was by the later years of his life.

(CW: DISCUSSIONS OF SUICIDE/POOR MENTAL HEALTH FOR THE NEXT 2 THEORIES)

4- Bessieres was planning to commit suicide - Bessieres in 1813 was reportedly in an incredibly depressive state. Although I do not believe his death was nor could've been planned/orchestrated, there is a possibility that him burning his correspondence was him preparing for such. He may have been planning to commit suicide at a later point, and his actual death may have happened to come earlier than he had planned. By 1813 Bessieres had become an incredibly hopeless and broken person, his friends were dying left right and center, one of his best friends had been entirely banned from France, the empire he had sworn loyalty to was on the edge of crumbling apart, he was in extreme debt, he wasn't short of reasons for suicidal behaviour/ideation. 5 - Bessieres was not in a sound state of mind - Bessieres burning his correspondence was an irrational decision. His mental state had been deteriorating and him burning the correspondence was evidence of him thinking illogically as a result of this. Said mental strain could've been caused by his depressive state or by PTSD he had developed along the course of his career.

(END OF CW)

6 - The correspondence was related to the blackmailing which he fell victim to - As you may or may not know, Bessieres's debt was largely caused by blackmailing involving affairs he had. The correspondence he burned could've been related to said blackmailing. Either as fuel for more blackmail or as evidence that he was being blackmailed.

Okay, that's all the theories I have so far, feel free to tell me what you think or even better: add your own theories!!! I'd love to know your thoughts or extra info you may have on this c:

[creepylittlelady]

I am so desperate to share these so, Slenderman Headcanons [PUPPET STRINGS LORE DUMP]

Okay so I wanted to wait until the day someone asked about Slenderman and Zalgo's characterisation in my AU, but I don't know when that time will come and I seriously NEED to share this with all of you.

This AU has been in the works since 2016 and has been my number 1 hyperfixation, and Slenderman is one characters that I had the most fun making. I love love LOVE every rendition of him, from Your Dad Slenderman to EVIL MANIPULATIVE ELDRITCH MONSTER. I want to give homage to both of these renditions by bringing in my own Slender to the mix! I hope you like it, because Zalgo will get his own post very soon ;)

I'm currently writing his backstory on AO3! Chapter 5 should be up soon ;)

As I've said previously, Slenderman and Zalgo are my favourite characters! I just wanna lore dump about him right now because BRAINROT BRAINROT BRAINROT

So without further ado...

The "Slenderman"

-He's not actually one being or entity, although he'd like you to believe otherwise. He's actually a hivemind of two consciousnesses; Lord Operator, and the Vengeful Spirit Charles.

-Slenderman is actually just the body that's basically holding these two entities hostage, technically. Neither of them can escape, although they've definitely tried. Multiple times. Slenderman doesn't have a consciousness of his own and is just a horrifying mixture of the two of them combined into one.

-NEITHER OF THEM ARE HAVING A FUN TIME. They hate it and will go to great lengths to get out. His brain is just the two of them arguing about who gets to control the body at any given moment, and they both have ulterior motives of their own.

-A little backstory: Charles, the Vengeful Spirit, was sacrificed to the Operator and made a deal with him that he would allow himself to be used a Vessel in exchange for his lifespan to be elongated. However over the years Operator began to use Charles' body for more and more depraved purposes. Eventually this drove him insane and caused him to kill himself. However at that point the Operator was so co-dependant on his soul that it basically killed it too, and it had to use some of its remaining abilities to create a new body so that neither of them would really die.

-When Charles is fully in control, he is a 'decently' humane being and can sometimes even be a Father Figure to some of the residents of the Mansion. However he still retains some of his negative traits from life, such as being nihilistic and at times selfish. He's sociopathic as a joke and mainly spends his days trying desperately to fix whatever things he did when the Operator took over.

-When it's Charles, he actually has a good relationship with all of the Residents, and has more of a sit-com Boss-Employee relationship with the Proxies, often laughing at their misfortune. Although he and Sally argue a lot Sally is very close to him when he's Charles.

The same thing cannot be said for when its the Operator.

-The Operator first and foremost is a former God. Although it wasn't a very well-known God, it still said a web of loyal worshippers. However ever since its power was (mostly) stripped away and had to unwillingly transport itself into this new body, its hated every second of it there. The reasons why the Proxies exist in the first place is to create new followers for it so it can gain more power.

-It's absolutely HORRIBLE to everyone else when it takes over. He's mentally and physically abusive, lashing out at everyone who dares disobey it. Its manipulative as well, and the Pastas who are sensitive to that thing, like Toby, Natalie etc often lock themselves away when its taken over.

-Several rooms that Charles doesn't know the purpose of are usually used by the Operator to torture the residents into submission. There are multiple Basements and secret rooms that its locked people inside to get them to 'obey' its command.

-Several of the Slenderverse stories, like Marble Hornets happened when the Operator took over. It often goes unconscious again and leaves Slenderman to deal with the consequences.

(Okay to explain, when I talk about the Operator specifically I'll refer to it as 'Operator', but when its Charles I'll refer to him as Slenderman, Slender, Slendy etc).

-Slenderman is not having a fun time. Random people keep on confronting him and coming up to him when he has no idea who they are and why they're here. He has NO idea on who Toby, Masky or Hoodie are nor how they ended up here. However he's apathetic to it and decided to be decent to them for as long as he's the one in charge of the Slenderman body.

-Whenever the Operator becomes too violent, Zalgo has to come and knock it out. Yep, Zalgo has to beat the shit out of it and basically chain Slender up to get it out, or at least sedate it enough so that it doesn't do anything violent.

-Remember how I mentioned how they've both desperately tried to leave? Yeah, the Slenderman body is fucking terrifying to look at naked. Its severely malnourished, with bruises, shock wounds, stab wounds, slash wounds, cilice wounds and just open wounds EVERYWHERE. They've both tried to leave by any means necessary, and are slowly killing the vessel to try and escape.

-More lore important characters such as Zalgo, Lazari, EJ and Ben sort deal with problems like this as well. But Jesus fucking Christ is Slenderman having a horrible time. He has to basically deal with his own Slender Sickness (Slender Sickness actually comes from the Operator, since most mortals can't perceive Gods without their bodies basically shutting down).

-If Masky and Hoodie are slowly going insane from Slender Sickness, Slender is basically killing himself from it. He's always on the verge of psychosis, suffering from some kind of really disgusting illness, or otherwise just not having a great time. The body is a-okay when its the Operator, but when its Slenderman he's just not having fun.

-Its basically eternal damnation being stuck in that body. Its like an eternal punishment of lies and deceit, waking up every day not knowing that tortures you'll suffer through. However since this has been going on for about 123 years now, they're both used to it at this point.

-Due to being used as vessel and basically being trapped in an endless cycle of torment since the ripe age of 11, Slender's a bit apathetic to the Proxies' situation.

For Example:

Masky: You do realise that we're all suffering because of you, right? Slender: It's not even that deep Timothy we all get mentally and physically imprisoned by a nonhuman Entity at times you just have to deal with it. Masky: Slender, are you okay? Slender: *vomits out a dead corpse* yes why wouldn't I be.

Although he does feel remorse for the fact that Masky, Hoodie and Toby's situation will probably never improve due to the Operator basically holding them captive at the Labrinth, he just doesn't feel that much sympathy for them, as that idea of being used for an upper beings entertainment is just normalised to him.

-Despite the fact that some of the Pastas call him dad are nice to him, a lot of them hate him. Some of the ghost kids refuse to go near him due to the Operator's actions, and his brothers are all scared of him, although Operator cut contact with them years ago.

-One bittersweet tidbit: Slenderman has tentacles because it represents Charles' favourite animal; Octopi.

Okay that's like the only sweet headcanon I have for this guy.

-Slender isn't a good person even though he's a lot better than Operator, although he is actively trying to be a better person for the Pastas' benefit, due to being a vengeful spirit he's definitely prone to violent fits. He can and will hurt you if you agitate him enough, even though it doesn't happen often.

-The Slenderman Vessel is incredibly unstable, so neither of them know their own strength. Because of this, Slender has accidentally flung Toby out of a window more times than he would care to admit.

Also sometimes it just doesn't do what it's told? There's like a 5% chance that it just doesn't teleport where you want it to at any given point, which is very inconvenient.

-Often times when Slender knows the Operator is about to take over (he doesnt' really have a choice on when it happens), he just leaves the Labrinth. He usually stays in Zalgo's castle for months, even a year on end. Yes, the Operator can stay for THAT long.

Do any of the other Residents know?

-As a general rule of thumb; no, they don't. Neither Charles nor the Operator will tell, and even when Charles tries to explain whats happening the Operator will ALWAYS stop him by any means necessary.

Once, he tried to explain what happened after disappearing for half a year, but the Operator had forcibly forced his body to shut down, so he was just sitting there unconscious.

Slender: It all started when I was 11 years o- *starts choking* Hoodie: Oh my god is he having a stroke Slender: *is just unconscious sitting in his chair* Masky: Does this mean Payday is getting delayed or do I still get a raise? Toby: Man wtf

-Due to this unpredictability on whether they'll get 'Nice Slender' or 'Mean Slender' at any given moment, most of the Pastas are dead terrified of him. Although they won't show it sometimes when they see him ominously walking the halls at night or if he doesn't show up for breakfast that morning they all subconsciously start worrying that the Mean Slender's back.

-Sally is especially terrified of him. Slender brought her to the Mansion out of the Operator's wishes, which he HATES. Everytime the Operator comes out he tries to actively harm Sally, which is why she hides in her room for months on end or runs to the back end of the forest.

-Ben, EJ and Lazari all kind of understand whats happening, at least they have a semblance of an idea. Toby knows for the most part due to doing some snooping. However nobody else has a clue and it will probably stay like that for a long time.

[stargazer-sims]

Journal Entry #51 (part one)

previously - Journal Entry #50

Victor

Hey everyone!

Guess who got one of his casts off?

Spoiler alert: it's me!

My right wrist only had a partial fracture, and after looking at my latest x-rays, Dr. Sato said the bone is completely knitted together now. I started physio for my right arm today, and guess what else? I'm cleared for limited daytime driving and light exercise, and the doctor says that if I keep progressing at this rate, she'll fully clear me for all my normal activities in a month. That means snowboarding. It means I can start training again, and eventually competing again if I want to.

Yuri doesn't like the idea of me getting back into competition, but he said he won't try to stop me if it's what I want. What I really want is to make it into the FIS World Championship next year and hopefully place in the top ten. Ideally, I'd like to be on the medal podium, but I have to be realistic about it. Naturally, I'm aiming for the top, but it's just that I have to be prepared not to achieve that, because as I've learned, anything can happen.

But, I've promised Yuri that I'll retire at the end of next season, regardless of the outcome at Worlds. If I have a year to mentally prepare myself for my retirement, maybe it won't be so difficult.

Dr. Sato says it'll be at least another two to three weeks before my left arm is ready to come out of its cast, and she says I'll likely have to wear a wrist brace for a few more weeks after that. Even though I'm itching to get back on the slopes, I'm trying to look on the bright side. Having one of my hands back in service has made a massive difference in the level of help I need, so I definitely shouldn't be complaining.

Talking about my arms makes me realize just how much time has actually passed since I recorded anything here. It's been about five and a half weeks since my accident, and the last time I made an entry was a little over two weeks after it. So, basically that's three weeks of radio silence. Sorry for that.

It's been a chaotic three weeks, but Yuri and I have been managing. Mom and Julian already went home, and Uncle Kaz left the day before yesterday, but Yuri's parents are still here to look after us. We're getting lots of support from our friends as well.

Yuri finally got out of the hospital after having been in there for seventeen days. He's still mostly on bed rest at home, but I can see him improving little by little each day. He’s sleeping less and eating regularly now, and doesn’t seem to be in as much pain as he was before.

More than anything, I'm beyond grateful that he's eating. I don't even care that his meals are tiny and mostly consist of yogurt, fruit and rice, or that he has to be coaxed to eat, or that somebody often has to feed him. Anything's better than an NG tube.

Oh, and just in case you were wondering, Seiji was dead-on about the strawberry mochi. It did, in fact, turn out to be the thing that convinced Yuri to try taking one small bite of something. Seriously, never underestimate the power of desserts.

Now that I've mentioned Seiji, I should give you a little update on him, too. He ended up moving to the city after all, despite my best efforts at talking him into staying around.

You may have guessed the brilliant idea I had that day in the park was for Seiji to help take care of Yuri once he was released from the hospital. I thought it was a stroke of genius. It'd give Seiji a purpose and a reason not to leave, and it'd avoid the necessity of having a stranger look after Yuri while he's recovering. Unfortunately, neither Seiji nor Yuri went for it. That's not to say we didn't ultimately solve the problem anyway, but I'll tell you more about that in a minute.

The last I heard from Seiji, he'd gotten a job in a convenience store, just like he predicted he would. I'm not sure he's entirely happy with it, but he didn't seem happy here any more either, so I guess he might as well be unhappy with a change of scenery. I'd much rather he was happy, of course, but I have no control over that. Happiness is an inside job, after all. We each have to get into the mindset of choosing happiness for ourselves.

As for me, I can honestly say I'm happy in spite of everything. Setbacks notwithstanding, the future’s looking good for Yuri and me.

In light of Dr. Sato's prognosis for my recovery and my ability to return to competitive snowboarding, I got in contact with Luke Smith, my former coach back home to see whether he'd consider taking me on as a student again. He said he couldn't do it, but he told me that he had the perfect person in mind for me to train with, and when he told me who it was, I might've shouted a little bit with excitement.

Apparently one of my former teammates, Davey Duke — or Daisy, as everyone calls him — is planning to retire at the end of this season, but is looking to stay actively involved with the sport. Daisy and I were always great friends, and we've kept in sporadic contact since I've been in Japan. Also, the guy's a freakin' rockstar. Having him for a coach, I'd be the envy of pretty much every other competitor in the sport.

Luke said he'd pitch the idea to Daisy and get back to me, but as it happened, I didn't have to wait for Luke. Within two hours of that conversation with my old coach, I had a text from Daisy that was in all caps with a huge string of exclamation marks. "YES, MY DUDE!!!!!! LET'S DO IT!!!!!!!"

That matter having been unequivocally taken care of, Yuri and I have turned our attention to planning our move at the end of May. The goal is to be there and settled in well before Mom and Julian's wedding on the eleventh of June. We officially made an offer on the haunted house, which was quickly accepted, and we’ve transferred our down payment.

We’d been hoarding money for that down payment since the house went on the market, and we’re kinda broke now until Yuri gets next month’s allowance from his trust fund, but I can live with it. I’ve been broke before and survived.

One of the lawyers at Uncle Stephen's firm is dealing with all the legal details of the house purchase for us, which is a huge relief. An even bigger relief is that Uncle Stephen is personally handling Yuri's immigration paperwork, and he's waiving his fees.

In related news, I'm still debating with myself what to do about school. I've almost entirely made up my mind that I'm going to study nursing, but I'm waiting for my next appointment with Dr. Ishida before I commit to that choice completely. Dr. Ishida's pronouncement about my ability to read having more to do with my vision than my intelligence is still sinking in, and I want to get my glasses and be sure I actually can read as well as she thinks I can before I sign myself up for a course with lots of required reading.

The other thing I have to decide is if I'm going to try to start school this September or if I'm going to defer my studies for a year. I think it might be difficult to do a course with a clinical component while I'm competing. I'd have to travel for competitions, but I'd also have to prioritize my clinical placements, and since it's impossible to be in two places at once, I'd have to pick one. I think that'd be a less than ideal situation.

Meanwhile, Yuri has decided to take a leave of absence from his job at FutureBright Communications. His boss, Mr. Tanaka, assured him that he could still work remotely even if he was living in Canada, but Dr. Kasongo suggested that it'd be in his best interests not to work at all for a while. She thinks it makes more sense to focus on his health without having to cope with the pressure and stress of work.

Yuri resisted at first, but I think Mr. Tanaka might've guided him toward seeing reason. I know he really trusts and respects Mr. Tanaka, and I think the promise that there'd still be a job for him when he's ready to come back to work helped.

The human resources lady from FutureBright phoned here a few days ago to fill out the paperwork for short-term disability insurance benefits with him. He'll be covered for six months, which will get him through the spring and summer, and then they'll revisit the claim in early September to see if it'll need to be renewed for a further six months or if he can return to his job.

Personally, I think this is the perfect arrangement. Who wouldn't want a free summer in Willow Creek, with a percentage of their pay still coming in? Yuri can devote his time to getting healthy and doing things he enjoys, and when I'm not busy with work or training, we'll be able to go on all kinds of awesome adventures together. I'm really looking forward to that.

Another thing both Yuri and I are looking forward to is having Takahiro and Fox join us in Willow Creek this summer. Fox is from the Willow Creek-Newcrest area, and when his visa expires at the beginning of August he'll be returning, and he's bringing Taka with him.

Normally, one might expect that they'd stay with Fox's parents, but apparently the Abbottsfords dislike "foreigners" and have some sort of weird moral objection to the fact that their son is in a relationship with a man. They sound like totally charming people, right?

According to Taka, Fox's father hasn’t even spoken to him since November, which utterly blows my mind. My mom and I would be beside ourselves if we were out of contact for more than a day or two, much less for whole months at a stretch. Even when Yuri's relationship with his dad was at its worst, they still spoke to each other every couple of weeks.

Just as an aside, Yuri talks to his dad daily now, and sometimes multiple times a day. I love to see how much closer they're growing lately, and it almost makes me sad that we're moving because it means Yuri won't get to spend as much time with him. But, like Mr. Okamoto has assured us, they'll come and visit and they can certainly still find ways to talk every day.

Anyway, in light of all the racist and homophobic nonsense with Fox's parents, Yuri and I have already agreed that Fox and Taka can stay with us if they want to, until they find a place of their own. The haunted house has a couple of extra bedrooms in the basement, so they can have whichever one of those isn't Sachiko's room.

Yeah, Sachiko the ghost has decided to remain in the house. Robert and Kim MacAllister, the current owners, told us that they offered to bring her home to Mt. Komorebi, but she wanted to stay and see what it'd be like to share a home with people her own age.

That was kind of funny to me. I mean, Kim and Robert are in their early seventies, and as far as they can determine, Sachiko died about seventy-five years ago, so they're technically closer to her age than we are. Still, I get what she meant. She was in her early twenties when she died, and Yuri and I are in our mid-twenties now, so there's a certain logic to her choice.

Robert and Kim explained that they bought Sachiko a flower-arranging station, and decorated a bedroom for her, and even set a place at the table for her at mealtimes. Being a ghost, Sachiko doesn't need to eat or sleep, but they wanted to help her feel like part of the family. Yuri and I are planning to continue with that, so of course we can't give away her bedroom, even if she doesn't actually sleep in it.

Now, the only hurdle left to face is how we're going to break the news to Taka that our haunted house literally is haunted. Up to this point, he's seemed to think it's some kind of elaborate joke. He's not a big fan of the paranormal, and I think he might not want to stay with us when he finally grasps the fact that Sachiko is real.

But, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it, as my grandpa Michael likes to say. We'll certainly have plenty of opportunity to address the subject, since we've been seeing a lot more of Taka and Fox lately.

And why is that, you ask? Seiji may not have bought into my plan to help take care of Yuri, but Fox and Taka did. Or more specifically, Fox did, and because he already has his partner wrapped firmly around his little finger, our dear friend Takahiro is along for the proverbial ride.

I'd like to take full credit for planning our circumstances to evolve this way, but I can't. In reality, Fox volunteered for the job and Yuri, perhaps concluding that we didn't have a lot of viable options, accepted his offer.

It happened a few days before Yuri got out of the hospital. I was there with him when Fox and Taka showed up for a visit. Yuri hadn’t been very talkative. He'd had a bad morning and really didn't want to do anything except be cuddled, but that hadn't put Taka and Fox off. They seemed happy enough to sit there and chat with me.

Fox was excited because he's learning to drive and would be getting his learner's permit soon. He happily declared that there'd be no stopping him once he had his own wheels, whereupon Taka emphasized the need for his own, because he certainly wasn't going to be driving Yuzu. Oh... If no one's mentioned it before, Taka has this SUV that he and Seiji painted an absolutely eye-popping shade of yellow. He calls it Yuzu, after the fruit, and I'm reasonably certain it's his most prized possession.

Meanwhile, Taka was excited because he just finished his first study module in language school. He only started taking English classes at the language school in January, so I felt like his achievement was impressive, and told him so. His English was okay to begin with, but it's improved by leaps and bounds since he started his course. He confided that he wants to get as much learning in as possible before the summer, because he wants to take the immigration language test so he can apply for a study permit and go to college in Canada.

"Looks like you've got a busy spring, then," I remarked.

"Yeah," Taka agreed. "Because I has big plans."

"I have plans," Fox corrected him, and they both laughed.

"I have plans," Taka repeated dutifully. "Why is that one so hard?"

"You'll get it," Fox said. "Don't worry. You're already so much further ahead than you were when we met."

"Because I practice with you. You're the best teacher I... has." As if the deliberate pause wasn't enough to signal that he'd used the wrong verb tense on purpose this time, Taka bestowed his partner with a cheeky little grin. "Best ever."

That caused Fox to blush an extreme shade of pink, and brought about my turn to laugh. "Anybody ever tell you guys how cute you are?"

"Everyone. All the time," Taka answered cheerfully.

Fox looked flustered, and mumbled something in Japanese that sounded like. "New topic. Begging you."

Taka looked amused. "Now who's showing his good language skills?"

"Maybe we do need a new topic, before Fox starts looking for a place to hide," I said.

"Okay," Taka agreed. "I know when to stop. We can talk about you instead. You're going to Canada before us."

"Yeah, at the end of May, but we've got to get back on our feet and make it through the rest of the winter and the spring, first. One thing at a time, right, Yuri?"

Yuri stirred slightly in my arms and said quietly, "I guess."

"Are you going home soon, Yuri?" Fox asked.

When he didn't reply after several seconds, I said, "His doctor says he can go home in a few days, but she won't release him until we sort out who's going to be looking after him."

"Won't his parents do it?" Taka asked.

"They will, but they can't be with us the whole time," I gestured vaguely with one of my casted arms. "And there's a lot I still can't do, so I'm going to need some help too."

"What exactly do you need?" Fox asked. "Is it like, actual medical stuff, or more like someone to help around the house?"

"The only medical thing would be to make sure Yuri takes his medication when he's supposed to," I said. "But, I can still manage that myself. It's the other stuff that we need help with."

"I could do it," he said.

I wasn't quite sure I'd heard him correctly. "You... what?"

"I could help you, and I'll bet Auntie Keiko would help too, if you asked her."

"I think she would," Taka said. "We can ask."

"You can help too, Takahiro," Fox added.

Taka hadn't appeared to mind being drafted by his boyfriend. "Yes, when I'm not at work."

"Perfect," Fox said. "Victor, even if Auntie can't help, you'll have Taka on Fridays and Sundays if you need him, and I'll be glad to come to your house every day and do what I can."

"You know what you'd be getting into, right?" I asked. "You'd be doing almost everything until I get at least one of these casts off."

"I understand."

As grateful as I was for his offer, I needed to make sure he really did understand. Being able to see properly again, I was able to do a lot more for myself than I could before. I was getting pretty good at using just my fingers to do quite a few things, and I was feeling comfortable picking up lighter objects like dishes or dog toys or laundry, but without the use of my thumbs, there were still plenty of tasks that were outside my ability.

"When I say everything, I mean literally everything," I said. "That'd include personal care, so uh... there'd be kinda gross stuff involved."

Fox laughed. "Are you trying to discourage me?"

"I'm not trying to discourage you. I just don't want you to agree to something without knowing exactly what you'd be in for."

"Thanks." Fox's determination was evident on his face. "I appreciate that, but I can do it."

Taka reached for Fox's hand, and the smile he gave him practically glowed with pride. "You are amazing. You wouldn't have done that before."

"I've learned a lot from you and your parents and Jin," Fox said. "Turns out, I'm capable of a lot more than I ever gave myself credit for, and I'm not scared to challenge myself any more. Plus, remember what you told me when we first met?"

"I told you a lot of stuff," Taka said.

"Yes, but I'm talking about what you said about kindness. You said the best way to repay you for your kindness to me would be for me to pay it forward to someone else some day."

"Right. I remember."

"Well," Fox said. 'I guess this is the day."

I glanced down at Yuri, who was curled tightly against my chest and clearly doing his best not to listen to the conversation. "Hey," I said softly. "Would you be okay with that? With Fox looking after you?"

He nodded and practically whispered. "I... I think I'd be okay with that."

I'm not sure Yuri was entirely relieved, but I can assure you I was. The issue of whether or not we'd need somebody from the home healthcare program had been a big one for us, and something I was glad we no longer had to think about.

Although I felt confident the home care workers were well-trained and trustworthy, my opinion would've made very little difference if Yuri was too scared to have them in the house. Being in constant fear wouldn't help his recovery. And yeah, it'd be easy to say his fear was irrational or unjustified, but given his physical condition as well as his past trauma, I'd tend to disagree. I mean, if I were in his place, I think I'd be scared to let a stranger into my house too, never mind letting them do personal stuff for me.

At least Fox was a known quantity. To be fair, we didn't know him all that well yet, but based on my acquaintance with him up to that point, I was satisfied that he would handle Yuri with care. Besides, I reminded myself, Takahiro's parents trust him to continue to live in their home and not cause any trouble, and apparently Taka's sister Aiko trusts him enough to ask him to babysit her three year old son. I reasoned that if he could manage looking after little Toshiro with no mishaps, then he should be able to handle looking after an adult.

[capricornwriter5]

Is this healthy or toxic? - Epilogue (part III)

Pairing: Changkyun x female OC

Genre:  smut, fluff, angst, idol AU, I.M. x OC ⚠️Warning: mentions of mental health affections, soft drugs

Words: 5k

Epilogue of: Is this healthy or toxic?

➳ Prev. Chapter

Chapter 3 - Two chaotic flowers

Liv and I.M looked at each other but neither of them sat down, they just got Jooheon's cell phone, and remained silent while seeing two pictures on a website. They knew that it would not be an easy scandal to handle.

"Monsta X's I.M and Seventeen's choreographer with matching tattoos?" That was the headline of the note, which was accompanied by a photograph of Liv's back and Changkyun's wrist.

Those were not the only pictures, because although Liv had been extraordinarily careful in the music video with Moonbin, the outfit she wore was so revealing that in several shots the form of the tattoo could be seen. In addition, someone had photographed her exercising one morning when she was wearing a top, so the tattoo was more than visible. As if that was not enough, there were close-up photos of Changkyun's design, which made undeniable the similarities between both tattoos. 

"It seems that they don't have any more pictures of you, if they had, they'd have been out by now." Kihyun was looking at other pages, but it seemed like they all had the same information.

“Shit…” Liv said as I.M hugged her and kissed her forehead.

"Don't worry, baby, I'll take care of it."

"It doesn't have to be that big deal, I mean, there are a lot of people with the same tattoos." Minhyuk tried to reassure; however, Shownu interrupted him.

“They'll find more material about them, Minhyuk. Sooner or later they will. Besides, my enlistment plus this rumor will be too much to handle, not even Deok Joon or Joon Hyung will know how to manage it."

"Maybe I.M could..."

"Talking isn't an option, Hyungwon." The leader stated. “We've overcome Wonho's loss and my rumors because we've been very lucky and because we have an amazing fandom. But I'm not that confident about the military service PLUS the relationship of Changkyun being public." 

"Hyung, this shouldn't be decided by us, but by I.M and Liv," Hyungwon replied while the rest nodded.

If the decision had been only I.M's, he would use that opportunity to tell everyone about their relationship, not only because he already wanted to do it, but because denying it the first time, and then accepting it would be worse. However, Shownu was right, it wouldn't be favorable for the group or Liv. Hence, the youngest of the group, who practically never had an opinion and who let his hyungs take the decisions, looked at his girlfriend and took her hand before speaking. After all, he already knew what Olivia thought, she had made it crystal clear many times.

“We can say it's a fluke. We can even say that we've been friends for some time and that, eventually, we talked about some designs. Everyone knows about my other tattoos, and some of your pictures show yours too, Liv. It wouldn't be weird if we got this one."

"At the same time? Kyun, your fandom knows you just got inked a couple of months ago. Also, if they want to investigate this, they'll discover that I made a photo shoot where I posed bareback, I didn't have the flower yet. It would be easy to do the math and discover we did it at the same time.”

“We can just ignore the situation, say the photos were edited. It's not the first time that they show “evidence” of our relationships.”

"Guys, I know you're not asking for my opinion and that I'm not even part of the group anymore," Wonho said. “But I've been part of numerous rumors, I seriously think you should leave this rest. If you don't want to make your relationship public, then be very careful not to be seen together. Liv, you'd better not go to I.M's photo shoots, and you, Changkyun, do the same. Shownu's enlistment is just around the corner, everyone will talk about that. Let the spotlight be on him.”

I.M did not want to do it, he wished to take advantage of those pictures, but there was something that worried him, something that Kihyun thought about and did not hesitate to vocalize it.

“Liv could be canceled for this, especially at this time when she has become so popular. We don't know how the fandom will take it, although to tell the truth... we can imagine it."

"Gorgeous, what do you want to do?"

Olivia turned her gaze to Wonho, hinting that she agreed with what he was saying.

*********

However, the next day what Kihyun predicted became reality, and Liv had just arrived at work when she found a large group of monbebes waiting for her at the entrance of the building. That morning she would rehearse a new choreography with Seventeen, so she was lucky to have been with several dancers, who helped her into the building.

"What the hell is going on out there?" Hoshi asked while coming to the entrance. "And what happened to your arm?"

Everything had been so unexpected for Liv that the aggressiveness of the fans demanding answers took her off guard and she had not realized how hard they had held her until she saw what Hoshi was pointing at her. The mark of a hand had been left on her arm.

"Shit, Liv, look at what they did. Come here, let's find some ice and ask for more security."

"Just let me call Changkyun, they might look for him too."

As soon as I.M knew what had happened, he walked out of the studio and met his managers. He was willing to make a live at that moment to publicly speak about the situation. However, acting like that without the authorization of his managers and the rest of his bosses would end in him being fired before ending the live. 

"You do know what this is going to trigger, right?" Deok Joon asked on the way to the Starship offices, to I.M's surprise, Joon Hyung had gone ahead to try to put out the fire before they arrived. “If you don't speak clearly, and you don't choose your words wisely, the company's NOT going to protect you. This is what Joon Hyung has been trying to tell you for a long time, Changkyun.”

“We aren't banned from dating, it's not like we did something against my contract."

"You did it at the moment you decided to keep it to yourself. We can't control your life, that's true, but you also signed an agreement where you accepted to have your public image managed by Starship. Now, you can't do more than let me and Joon Hyung do our job. If they are not waiting for us with our dismissal letter."

“Hyung, this isn't about me not letting you work, they hurt Olivia, they physically attacked her.”

“If you want to protect your girlfriend, LET US work.”

The meeting with the heads of Starship was not cordial at all, Changkyun knew that they were complicated men, but the arrogance and wrath of that day went further. Among what they told him was everything he expected and what Deok Joon had warned him on the way. Furthermore, it was evident that Joon Hyung had tried to calm them down, as they agreed to listen to the rapper.

“The economic damage that this implies is enormous. You're one of the most popular members, Changkyun, if your popularity drops, so do our sales. The image the group projects does NOT match your image as a family man. Besides, this is more your fault than his.” Said the CEO of the company looking at the managers. “You receive a salary so that things like these don't happen. Are you telling me that you knew absolutely nothing about this? How could both of you be that stupid?”

"They don't…"

“We did know” Joon Hyung didn't let I.M continue talking, as he cut him off. “But we both thought the boy had a right to date someone. He has never been involved in any scandal, he was handling things well and had been very careful."

"Close your mouth, you're nothing but an incompetent and useless man. Changkyun what do you have to say? Is it true or not? How formal is your relationship with this girl?"

"If this conversation will be nothing more than insults and abuse, there's nothing to talk about," Changkyun replied trying to leave.

However, whether the CEO liked it or not, I.M had been at the top of the company's most popular members for years, both in Korea and abroad. Losing the talented rapper wasn't an option, so he asked him to come back and keep talking.

I.M said thinks like they were, in addition, he was emphatic that he would not end his relationship. Yet, the fact that both he and his managers had hidden this for so long had the Starship managers enraged and one of them first asked for the immediate dismissal of Deok Joon and Joon Hyung. Changkyun argued for more than two hours with his bosses so that it wouldn't happen. The idol was trying to assume his responsibility and defend his relationship and his managers. He even had to assume an attitude towards those men that was not usual for him, he had to impose himself in such a way that he managed to be respected and ensure that Joon Hyung and Deok Joon would not lose their jobs.

“Fine, they'll continue as Monsta X's managers, BUT you will take responsibility for this and it won't be them who will take care of your image.” Said the CEO. "It'll be me. You're key to the company, Changkyun, but don't be too clever by half, boy, know your limits and remember your place."

What came next was a series of conditions imposed on I.M. The managers looked at each other every time the argument escalated and the tones of voice rose. They weren't used to that version of Changkyun; yet, they knew that he had been dissatisfied with the company's policies for some time, so they never tried to intervene. What could they say? The rapper was right, his agency had countless questionable issues. 

What definitely worked against I.M was the experience of the CEO and the rapper's loyalty towards his members and managers. He could not accept what they told him, nor refuse, first, he wanted to talk to his girlfriend and know her opinion.

*********

"So they pretend to overshadow this rumor with a bigger one?" Liv asked later when she was alone with I.M. 

Changkyun nodded in silence, he couldn't even find the words to express how enraged he had come out of that meeting.

"They gave me their word that it'd all be seen as 'mere coincidences', but..."

"In short, they want fan service between you and Luda."

“At least with that people will leave you alone. Baby, they hurt you, I'm not gonna let this happen again."

"Does she already know it? I imagine she's more than pleased with this. I mean, posing with you, posing as your girlfriend. What could be wrong?"

Coming closer, I.M hugged Liv and after kissing her on the lips, he also kissed her arm she had been hurt.

"She's just my friend, I don't want to do it either, you know I'm more than happy with you. But if we still want to keep this just between us, it's the only option."

"Besides, if you don't do it, Deok Joon and Joon Hyung will be fired."

After a few seconds of silence, Liv looked at her boyfriend, thought about the implications that all that would bring, and after a sigh, nodded.

It seemed incredible to her how a few days ago they had been talking about their wedding plans and now they were forced to live a lie.

"We should've stayed longer in the other house." The choreographer murmured leaning on his chest.

Some days ago...

The peace of being away from the city, cameras, fans, and work allowed Liv and Changkyun to be a normal couple like any other. At her parent's house, they did not have to worry about the stalkers, so the girl could go out to the garden to see her plants with complete peace of mind while I.M lay down on the terrace to play with his cat or just read. However, the rapper did not concentrate much on what he was doing, because when he turned around and saw his girlfriend, his brain and heart only let him focus on her. 

Just as he was about to start a new book on classical philosophy, the rapper saw Liv taking extra care of a rose bush. It was not the first time that he noticed that. The girl was pruning it, removing the leaves that were about to fall, and delicately plucking the petals that had already lost their color. Intrigued by what she was doing, I.M got up and was soon at her side.

"Hi, baby." Liv greeted him with a kiss on the head as she felt him resting his chin on her shoulder. "What's wrong, you didn't like the book that Minhyuk gave you?"

"I like you more." He said smiling at her and wrapping his arms around her waist. "Why do you pay so much attention to this particular plant?"

“Dad tried every year to make it bloom and he only managed to see one rose. Now look, every time we come it has so many roses that they fall off. He'd have loved to see this.”

Changkyun was silent, not wanting to interrupt her, besides, he was struck by how Liv was dealing with all that situation in a better way lately. He no longer saw her depressed, nor did she avoid the topic. Of course, sometimes she felt melancholic, but the therapy had helped her, and although the idol did not accept it, his company had also had a lot to do with it.

“How do you take care of it?”

"Do you really wanna know?"

“Of course! How am I supposed to keep it like this when you're not around? We can't let something happen to it."

The silence in the garden was broken by the sounds of Changkyun while Olivia hugged him so tight that the rapper could hardly breathe. The only way to stop her was to grab her face and passionately kiss her. As if his kisses were not enough, I.M grabbed her by the legs and carefully laid her on the grass with him on top. 

"I can't wait to be with you like this all day." He whispered with a tender smile. 

"Here?" She asked caressing his face.

"Anywhere, I don't care as long as you're with me."

After a long and passionate makeup session, the couple started to prepare dinner, or rather, Liv was cooking while I.M set everything up. Suddenly, the guy rolled the sleeves up, grabbed his girlfriend by the hip, and move her aside.

"I'm going to cook tonight."

"Kyun, we've already talked about this and we had agreed on something, I cook and you order, pick up, and wash."

Being the stubborn that he was, Changkyun shook his head. The next thing Liv saw was how the idol tried to slice the vegetables. Nonetheless, he did not know how to do it.

"Why is this so hard...?" He thought noticing how everything just turned into water.

"Kyun, I already boiled them, you need to be careful or..."

"It's okay, I know what to do."

"I can tell" She replied with a smirk.

“You have little confidence in me, Olivia. You'll see how everything turns out well. In fact, you told me you wanted to take a bath, why don't you go? When you get out, everything will be ready.”

The rapper practically shouldered his girlfriend since he was aware that, if he was stubborn, Liv was the queen of it and she did not want to leave him in charge of the dinner. Finally, and against her will, Liv took a shower and let I.M cook.

Later, returning to the kitchen, she found Changkyun in the pantry talking on the phone. He was so absent-minded that he did not lock correctly the door, so anyone passing by would easily hear his conversation. In addition, in his desperation to find something else to eat, he had left his cell phone on speaker, allowing Liv to hear everything. 

“Hyung, I'm no kidding! You must help me! Why do you want me to repeat everything to you again? Are you recording me, is that it? I already told you, the first vegetables ended up being smashed water, the others that I cooked got burned, and the last ones taste disgusting, I had to throw them away. I also ruined the meat!”

Olivia leaned even closer and could hear Kihyun giggling enjoying his friend's distress.

“Why do you insist on cooking? You had already tried in the dorm and it was a mess! Let Liv take over, cooking isn't your thing.”

"Do you think that if I remove the burnt part of the vegetable, she will notice?"

“You mean the same vegetables you already threw away? Of course, don't be stupid! Even if you take away what you see burnt, everything will taste like shit, Changkyun. Buy some soju, give it to Liv before she knows you messed up all the food.”

"Hyung, you're not helping me."

Kihyun ignored Changkyun, for Minhyuk insisted on talking to him. "Hey, Minhyuk asks if you liked the book."

Already resigned that his hyungs wouldn't help him or even pay attention, I.M disconnected the call. Next, the impression it gave him to turn around and see his girlfriend there lead the rapper not only to scream but also to drop his cell phone and witnessed how the screen broke.

Between his look, the scream, the curse that escaped I.M's lips, and the way he clutched his chest, Liv couldn't stop laughing.

The girl mocked her boyfriend for a long time and the chaos he had made in the kitchen. So much so, that Changkyun sighed drinking his whiskey while listening to her laugh in the kitchen. Olivia continued crying from laughter until dinner was done.

“Kyun!" She screamed getting closer to him with a delicious plate of food. "I'm walking towards you with dinner. I warn you so you don't panic and start screaming again." While Changkyun remained silent and with a serious face, the choreographer coughed from laughing so much. 

Just as I.M was about to tell her that he wasn't that easily scared, Liv tripped on a shoe. Soon, the white wall next to them was dripping vegetables, sauce, and fish. And that was not all, when I.M stood up, he discovered Olivia's hair and shirt covered in sauce. The divine justice of that moment made I.M's stomach ache from laughing so hard. 

They had a hard time cleaning up all the mess Liv had made and decided they'd better go buy something after she took another shower.

Holding hands and laughing with each other, the couple walked towards the only nearby supermarket. They had stopped making fun of themselves and were now talking about some special requests they would like for the wedding. Liv had talked about the music she wanted to listen to, the hairdo she wanted to do, and the time she wanted to get married. However, when the issue of food came up, I.M made the strangest request.

"I don't want vegetables."

"Sure, Kyun, that makes sense, we can indigest all the guests with meat and sugar."

"And liquor, don't forget the liquor."

"Why are you like this, huh?"

"I almost forget it! I don't want to invite Moonbin, or Joon Hyung and Deok Joon."

"That's because you're upset, but deep down, I know you love them. They've been like your older brothers." Liv stopped him before entering the store and smiling tenderly at him, she kissed his cheek. "Well, how about we make some ramyeon?"

The store owner already knew them from all the times they had come to do the groceries. The man had always found it especially funny how Liv made I.M's face turn red every time she came to say something in his ear, he had even caught the rapper throwing away several articles due to nervousness.

That particular night they bought quite a bit of food, and when they were about to pay, Liv's ring did not go unnoticed by the man.

"What a beautiful ring!"

“Isn't that right? We'll get married soon.” Changkyun said hugging his girlfriend, he hadn't even let her answer. It was the first time he had been able to openly talk about their engagement.

"Congratulations! Your girlfriend is stunning, you make a beautiful couple.”

Olivia admired I.M's smile, it was evident how proud he was of their relationship, so much so that he, who did not usually chat much, stayed a long time talking to the man. 

********

Back at home, and as usual, the dancer and the idol ate a simple meal while conversing, then watched a movie, and I.M read a bit while the girl rested on his chest. Finally, at night when they were about to fall asleep, the rapper's voice woke up his girlfriend.

"Precious, do you remember the conversation we had in France?"

“Baby, we talked about a lot of things."

"I'm talking about the next step."

"You mean, having a pet?"

"Liv, I'm supposed to be the one who doesn't understand things..." He said leaning on his elbow and moving her so Liv would listen to him. "I'm talking about being parents. I came to think of it, I never asked you. Do you want to?"

“Have a baby with you?” She asked adjusting the strand of hair that had slipped on the rapper's cheek. "Kyun, if it's with you, I want absolutely everything."

After that answer, kisses, caresses, and moans filled the room once more.

**********

Coming back to the present, Liv wished to be there again, or to had been more careful with her tattoo. Or maybe she should have heard I.M and made their engagement public. 

**********

Not surprisingly, the CEO of Starship had contacts in all kinds of media, so he quickly “fixed” the matter of Liv and I.M. He planned everything in such a way that it seemed as if photos of Changkyun with Luda had been leaked. Some of these were edited, while for others the idols had been notified of what to do and when.

Everything came to light as if a fan had been the one with the information and, seeking to clarify the alleged relationship with Olivia, had published the photographs.

Although Liv was able to enjoy a little more peace, it was not the same for her boyfriend, who was already tired of declining interview invitations. Unlike Liv, Luda did not receive as many negative comments since she was a much more public figure than the choreographer, and having been in the industry for so long, she had endeared herself to many people. In addition, since rumors of both had already come out, numerous fans were excited, thinking that the relationship between the idols was true.

Luckily, Shownu's enlistment had given some air to Changkyun, Wonho had been right and that would keep the fandom busy.

**********

Just a month after Shownu had left, and two since the photos of the tattoos came out, Starship had done its thing, announcing this time an expected collaboration between Monsta X and Cosmic Girls. Not everyone would participate, but among those who would take part, were I.M and Luda. 

"I am sick of this shit," Liv expressed after training with Jules and her friend warned her about some girls taking pictures of them. "And what's worse, Kyun's spending more time with Luda because of the stupid collaboration. I love him, but he's so naive, he swears Luda's doing all this because they've been friends for years and because she understands how difficult this is."

"How close are they?"

"Jules, I've no fucking idea! Some time ago I barely heard her name, and now EVERYTHING is related to her. Fucking shit!” She said throwing her bag into Jules' car.

“What if he's right and they're just friends? You know… like it happened with you and Moonbin.”

“Moonbin never asked me out, and if he did, it was just as friends. Luda's interested in Changkyun, you have to see her, Jules. Next time I'll bring her a plate for the drool.”

"Changkyun learned to tolerate Moonbin, Liv. I think it's your turn."

Liv's face was enough to make Jules stop talking. "Oh, come on! Last time you told me you would kick her ass if I asked you, and now you're acting diplomatic?"

“Okay, okay, chill! I'm sorry! Damn, Liv! I.M's right to fear when you get angry."

"I just don't like that girl, Jules. I mean, he's my boyfriend, he'll be my husband and now everyone's talking about how perfect they look together."

"Let's talk about how annoying Jooheon is when he tries to talk to me about art. That sounds better? No! Forget about Jooheon, let's go shopping and stop talking about silly men."

“I'd love that, especially since I must deal with the dumbest man of them all tonight.”

“Kihyun?”

"The same…"

To Liv's bad luck, at night it was her brother who tried to intercede for the rapper. 

********

Kihyun and Liv had been playing a new video game while eating fried chicken and drinking beer. They both had difficult weeks and the first thing that occurred to them was to order food and play something. As usual, they ended up fighting, Kihyun claimed that the girl had cheated.

"I don't want to play with you anymore! Look at you, you're a grown man but continue acting like a kid because you don't accept when you lose." Liv stood up and did nothing but move closer to the TV when Kihyun yelled and warned her not to take another step.

“You're WAY more immature than me! Olivia, get away from there! You're not going to do what you've done since we were kids! OLIVIA!” He yelled at her as, with a wicked smile, she unplugged the console. "How can Changkyun stand you?"

"I don't give a fuck about the game, I've trying to talk to you about something important, Ki!"

"Oh my god! You're pregnant!"

"No, I'm not!" She replied laughing. “But it's about Changkyun, actually from this whole Luda thing.”

"Amazing that she agreed to help him while she was in a relationship herself, right?"

"He didn't tell me that, he didn't even tell me that they were such friends."

"I'm sure because you haven't given him a chance to talk, Liv, every time the subject of Luda comes up you react like an angry beast."

"Because I'm right!"

"You're not right, they're just friends, colleagues."

“How close are they? Kyun doesn't tell me anything, I can't tell."

"They were pretty close before he met you, she tried to recover that when you left, but I don't think she got anything."

"So you don't think she has any shady intention behind all this apparently altruistic act?"

"Not really."

Liv was silent, could it be possible that she was wrong and that Luda was just being a good friend? No… it couldn't be, she had seen how the idol looked at I.M. Or was she just exaggerating? It didn't make sense, she wasn't jealous, she had never felt insecure about their relationship. Liv could have continued with the questions if it hadn't been for Kihyun's affectionate hug.

"Looks like someone's getting crazy out of jealousy, huh?"

"Shut up, Ki."

"Is Changkyun coming to dinner with us? Maybe he can tell you how many times he mentions you when you're not here." 

“Shut up! Besides, he's in the studio, he told me he'd be home late. That collaboration turned out to be more demanding than he expected.”

"Then it'll be like old times, you, me, junk food, and video games."

“Who do you want to fool? You always asked us to stop playing to watch your mom's dramas. Videogames are a mere excuse."

“That's also an option, I won't deny it." He replied giggling. "Come on, change that face, you've been very stressed, let Changkyun take care of this."

Liv smiled at him, but she frankly made an effort to do it because so many images and comments on social networks of the supposed couple had her more than discouraged. Being together had cost them too much to now have to put up with everyone thinking I.M was with someone else.

The worst part of the whole thing was that the choreographer's suspicions would turn out to be true.

**********

The hours went by and I.M was so focused on the production of the song that he didn't realize what time it was until he was surprised that Liv hadn't called him.

"Shit!" He expressed noticing that his cell phone was on airplane mode and that he had several missed calls from her.

He immediately called her back, but he knew his girlfriend had never been much of a late nighter and it was too late. The rapper was about to give up when Kihyun answered.

"What do you want? I was asleep."

“Hung! Did Liv sleep at your house?"

"Yes, she's here. Bye, I want to continue sleeping."

"Tell her I'll drop by in the morning!"

"Are you going to work all night?"

"It's four in the morning, I think I've done it..."

"You better don't wake me up when you come here." 

Changkyun laughed hearing how fussy Kihyun could be when he slept, Olivia was exactly the same, he knew waking her up was a bad idea.

Aiming to quickly finish what was left of his work, Changkyun went to get some coffee from one of the automatic machines from the company. He was not the only one working at that hour, Luda was there too, she had been practicing a choreography when she noticed I.M walking in the hall. 

"Changkyun, wait!" She exclaimed running towards him. 

“Luda? What are you doing here at this hour? Don't tell me you were dancing."

"Please don't say anything about work, let's find some coffee, I'm dead tired." She said smiling at him and walking next to him. "You went back to the night schedule, I thought you stopped doing that."

"Hyungwon left recently and Kihyun didn't even come today, they said they were exhausted."

“Hey, but if you're working so hard, you deserve more than a coffee from a machine. How does a decent coffee sound for you?"

"What are you planning?"

"There's a cafeteria right on the corner."

"Are you sure? Liv's waiting for me and it's already late."

"Oh, Changkyun! It's just right there, let's go, you're wasting time talking."

To be continued... 🐱🌹

[multiplicity-positivity]

A few weeks ago I talked to my friend that I didn't want to do something because it would take too long and I was worried that the "future me" wouldn't like it or will be uncomfortable with it, imagining that this was a normal experience. He was confused.

I tried to explain the feeling by saying that I felt I was "made up of phases" because sometimes I would suddenly change like I was a totally different person and then there could be things that I liked that became VERY uncomfortable, and that's why I needed to worry whenever I was going to do something long term. He said he really had never felt that.

I explained to him that I always had to wait MONTHS before I decided that some experience of my identity was really part of me and not part of that particular "phase", and he again said he didn't understand.

I also said that I always thought of me as the set of these phases, and that "they" never met and that's why they needed to leave messages for each other if they wanted to talk, even if they all have the same memory and the same thoughts. He, again, thought it was strange.

I also said that the essence of my being seemed to change completely, including the way I saw the world and interacted with it and my thought, this is all different. He actually said he had NEVER felt anything like that.

I guess the fact that I'm here tells you where this conversation has taken me /silly

I COULD HAVE AVOIDED A SYSCOVERY IF I'D JUST SAID NO AND THAT'S ONE OF THOSE PATHETHICALLY FUNNY THINGS IN LIFE.

But seriously, after this conversation, I really don't know if I have doubts if I'm plural... But I would like your confirmation: Reading these experiences, do you think this seems like an experience of a system, or do you think I'm just passing through by the normal personality changes that people experience? I know you can't be sure, but neither am I so that's okay! /silly but /gen

Like, I don't know, I've just lived like this for as long as I can remember. I never knew if I could wait to do a task, because maybe the next "phase" would do it easily (or at least easier than me), but maybe the other "phase" would have EVEN MORE difficulty, and still had chances to no "phase" appears! I also never confirmed events because "what if the other phase doesn't like it?"

I've always lived about the whole thing of worrying about what other phases to come would feel like. And, yes, I had several different ones. But I can certainly say I had several of them (if not all of them) more than once. And usually the ones I felt the most always confused my self discovery because it was their identities that were the most permanent!

It seems so stupid to ask, but I still want to make sure there's no other explanation that's more plausible (⁠•⁠ ⁠▽⁠ ⁠•⁠;⁠)

hey, so you’re right, we can’t confirm or tell for sure if you’re plural. from what we understand, it’s normal for people to have phases, whether or not they’re plural. every person is unique, and some people are more indecisive, worrisome, capricious, or inconsistent than others. to us, this doesn’t necessarily point to a plural experience in and of itself. we also have singlet friends who reference “future me” and do things that their “future me” wouldn’t like or would appreciate. for them it’s not a plural or system thing, we think? it’s more of a “acknowledging that the actions i take now will affect me in the future” thing, if we understand it right.

of course, if you feel like having different, distinct phases makes you plural, you’re more than welcome to identify as such and you’ll definitely be welcomed in our spaces! though since you asked us for a plausible, alternate explanation, we feel it’s worth mentioning that it could just be good old fashioned anxiety plus indecisiveness.

regardless, we wish you the best on your journey of self-discovery! if your phases are distressing you, or if you’re spending a lot of time worrying about the future, it may be a good idea to speak to a therapist or mental health professional :)

🐢 kip and 👻 ghost

[killian-whump]

Which members (Colin character coven) shoulders would Gerry sit on?

I'm so glad you asked that, Nonny, because that is the cutest mental image I've had in my head for some time now. Like, seriously, I'm just gonna think about little Gerry sitting on everyone's shoulders whenever I need a little pick-me-up in my day. He'd be so happy up there, too... Seeing the world (the human world!!) from a totally different perspective, watching them eat human food with his eyes all wide and hopeful that they might share a bite...

I'd imagine some of them might be concerned that he'd fall off if they didn't watch him closely, but you know, Gerry has hundreds of years of experience in staying on his chair in the penny factory, so I think he'd have no problem staying on a shoulder!

Assuming, that is, that the owner of said shoulder doesn't call him an "oversized fly" and keep swatting at him. JJ hasn't seemed to cotton on yet to the fact that Gerry is literally good luck personified and having him on one's shoulder means absolutely everything will go their way for the duration of his visit.

Some of the coven members are a little quicker on the uptake than others, you know, and while JJ definitely has street horse path smarts galore, he's not really up on his mythical Irish creatures or super tiny people or 2D beings. He still kinda thinks Douxie's just a hallucination of some kind.

As for Gerry, he has his own limitations. He's still not entirely sure about this whole "3D" nonsense. Douxie's been very helpful, considering he's also 2D like Gerry is, and has what Gerry considers a very impressive amount of experience in living in the human world. For the most part, Douxie's done well in explaining that the 3D world is just like the 2D world, just with an added (and not entirely necessary) third dimension of depth. Gerry's still not really sure what that means, really, as one time he fell in a hole on a human "golf course" and he thought that had plenty of depth, but apparently not the kind of depth Douxie means.

At any rate, Douxie hasn't corrected Gerry's other confusions about the 3D world, namely because he doesn't understand them either. Most alarmingly, neither of them can figure out why this 3D world seems to be comprised entirely of dudes that all look the same. Oh, the hair's a bit different, some of them have a scar (the same scar!) while others don't, some are clean-shaven and some aren't... but really, I mean... it's pretty obvious to them both that these are all the same guy. And none of them seem to notice it.

And they all seem to think the 2D folks are the weird ones. Pfft. That's just plain silly.

ANYWAY, given their similarities and their growing habit of sharing a grilled cheese sandwich whilst observing the strange 3D creatures around them, Douxie would be the definite winner if we were to clock who spends the most time with Gerry camped on his shoulder.

But don't count the Hooks out of the running. They're definitely amongst the quickest-witted of the coven, especially when it comes to spotting sources of good luck. I mean, you don't live hundreds of years and survive all the shit Hook's survived without that. And we know Hook's a superstitious sort of fellow, so he definitely knows just what Gerry is - and would be first to notice the uncannily lucky benefits of having Gerry around. In fact, we should probably keep an eye on some of the less-redeemed Hooks, lest they try to smuggle him out of the coven and take him to Vegas...

It's probably a good thing JJ hasn't figured anything out yet.

Of course, most of them are quite aware of what Gerry seems to be. But given his 2D form and the fact that most of them come from the Land Without Magic (as Hook calls it), there's a big difference between knowing he's "a leprechaun" and believing he's an actual, literal leprechaun that brings luck everywhere he goes. Some are a little more open-minded than others, but some are just giving Gerry a wide berth while they consider the growing menagerie of 2Dness in their previously-entirely-3D world.

Don't even get them started about Abe. Nobody's quite sure what his deal is, and every time he tries to tell them who what he is, these train whistles start going off... and there isn't even a train here.

[mr-up-on-a-downer]

I was LONG TIME mutuals with Libertarian Princess but knew her counterpart PennsylvaniaPatriot a lot better. A lot of people assumed they were the same person, but PP at first was just using LP's tumblr and eventually she just got her own because her politics started to swing way off from LP's. LP was definitely a girl but at one point was a very left leaning libertarian vs PP who was a right leaning libertarian but like I said, her politics ended up just becoming AltRight and bordered on Pincochete-esk right wing authoritarianism. I think that's why a lot of people see her as maybe having been a guy based off her opinions and the fact it was inconsistent was because she wasn't the only person posting on that account. Me and PP used to DM a lot and bounce idea's off each other but it was her background that was a lot more inconsistent. She was a pathological lier and that's what ultimately ended what small friendship we had. She and LP at one point had actual fed posters trying to get in contact with them (they actually at one point thought I was a fedposter to until we got to know each other better) but she and LP were both definitely real people, I've seen both of their faces (they were irl friends). LP was a little out there with her politics but PP I still feel like needs/needed legitimate mental health assistance. In year or so I knew her I saw her spiral more and more into insane theories and ways of thinking I became worried for her. LP seemed to see that too but I don't think she wanted to lose her friend so she never said anything. There was a reason one day there was an entire /pol/ thread spiraled out of control and it nearly got herself doxed (I won't say what it was about because someone could easily go back and figure out her name and address from it, and nearly every thread is archived so it's still there om the internet). She accused me of starting the thread and putting her info out there but I proved to her that wasn't the case (it was clearly her doing it) but she didn't want any of it. She just got too heated in a personal argument she was having as the topic of the thread and ended up posting information that lead back to herself. This was all back in 2015 through mid 2016 so it's been a while since then. I have no clue if she's changed or has gotten better or is even still friends with LP. I can only hope she hasn't ruined her own life or if the break she wanted to take from the internet is still ongoing or not. I do feel bad about all the hate she got after constantly being accused of being a fed because to her, it made her feel like her own ideas and theories weren't being taken seriously or even considered, but I feel comfortable saying this because I feel if she saw this she'd know who I am and would at least know I hope she still is capable of getting the help needs before she gets herself in trouble. Neither PP or LP were bad people, just very eccentric on their political viewers.

well this definitely a lot to take in. pretty sure I’ve seen someone named “libertarian-princess” in my notes before but I can’t remember. And wasn’t there like, multiple Pennsylvania Patriots? I know someone on here under that name claimed to have shot and killed a home intruder with a fucking desert eagle of all things, or maybe I’m misremembering that too. Either way thanks for sharing.

[yallmakemyassitch]

IMPORTANT!!!!

It's about time I've addressed the major elephant in the room. As of now, me and Max are no longer friends and it's for a good reason too. For nearly a year, I had been manipulative by making insensitive "jokes" and deemed them as dramatic when they responded negatively and then pretending the issue had been resolved when in fact it wasn't, we just hadn't talked for days until either me or them said something and we got back on track. I assumed this was them moving on in the issue when in fact they didn't, Max just pretended it was alright when it wasn't. This has been going on for months until it came to a head recently. The reblog I made about Max's spelling error is long gone but it doesn't change the fact they went through a loud of bullshit because of it.

Depending if you've known Max for a while now, you know that they have been recently targeted (for no actual reason) from anons who sought out to hurt them for every little mistake they made. Many others including myself defended them for the time being but at the same time, what I've done was used as an opportunity to hurt them. (Context: they'd mistaken the spelling for bondage to bandage and I reblogged it being like "haha yeah I hate bandages too man" with an image of bandages). From my perspective I only made a "joke" that severely backfired but to Max, I am the bully and I was.

Max finally snapped and gave it to me straight about how'd I made them feel for the time that I've known them and how I had affected their life. Needless to say, I finally realized what I was doing, how absolutely trashy I've been to them. I've taken advantage of Max's good personality and gotten so comfortable to the point I would say outlandish shit that I viewed us as being good pals when in reality, I was just insulting them and making them uncomfortable. If I were to be honest, me and Max should have never been friends, we should have stopped before it had gotten this bad. Our whole relationship was doomed from the start. I've already apologized to them personally a few days back but that won't change anything. They hate me now (understandable) and never want to speak to me again and I'm willing to respect that.

If people begin to dislike me then that's completely fine, when you fuck up, you're bound to get some criticism for it so I'm prepared for that as well. No amount of apologizing will reverse what I've done or take away the feelings I've made some of y'all felt, mainly my muts. To all of them, I'm so sorry, I've let you all down and I bet you all feel disappointed or angry. Same to my followers, I shouldn't have let this marinate for so long and to everybody confused in my inbox, you now know the situation. Don't attempt to defend me for my actions, I know what I did and there is undeniable proof for it, so don't waste your time.

Now onto a different issue...anons. I'm speaking directly to the one who's been harassing Max. Not only have you been making their life a living hell on Tumblr, you're also terrible at it. You started your sentence off with the same phrase, making it dead obvious it was one person and not a group of people who happened to start the sentence off the same. That argument doesn't work and neither does it make any sense.

You need to stop.

What are you gaining from harassing a high schooler? All they've been doing was posting sonic content. If that offends you so much, just block them and you'll never have to see their content again. You're extremely pathetic and you laugh behind your anon icon, thinking you're the strongest person in the world when in fact, you look more childish than us...and we're in highschool. Max you need to block this person, like seriously. Similarly to how'd you block a non-anonymous person, it's just as possible with anybody else. This person has ruined your mental health with me included and it needs to stop, block me too if it helps you more. Nobody wants to see you get hurt anymore and you deserve better than this.

Now don't think I'm trying to act like a hero and try to water down what I've done to make me look more "innocent", I did what I did and I can't change that. Anon isn't willing to stop so you have to take initiative and stop him yourself, he won't stop unless you do something about it. You have plenty of good friends on your side, they'll be there for you, I just won't be one of those people (obviously).

I won't puss out and delete my account, I need to hear others criticism. This account is going to be stagnant for a while, depending on how I feel, it will either be abandoned or I'll return here in a later period of time. To all those I let down, I'm sorry. But I don't expect your forgiveness. I just want you all to know I'm sorry for being an awful friend, especially you, Max.

[bored-storyteller]

Alternative version of this one shot (or part of it)

Warning: mention of blood and violence

67- Tokyo Ghoul, Uta x human!Reader

The smell of your blood was enough. This was enough, and the world around Uta had darkened and there was for him that dangerous red trail that led him to you. And even if his face seems calm and focused, the terror of never seeing you again grips him.

Why are you there in the first place? You don't have to be there, he warned you. He always warns you, to keep you safe - so you don't see.

It's hard for him to hold back when his mental state is in that situation. When he needs blood, fun and killing, and as much as he wants it, not even your presence can satisfy that need.

Indeed, you are a stimulus. Your eyes that silently scrutinize him from your hiding place are a charge for him to do better. To do more.

He never wanted to show you the monster. No, it's not just about something metaphorical and moral like the monstrosity of ghouls. His monstrous body, he never wanted to show it to you.

Yet now it's there massive and awful on his victim, and your attacker. And it’s precisely because you are there.

Uta from the fourth ward is not a ghoul that the others don't take seriously, it wouldn't need him to use his strength with a being as lowly as that, but he needs it.

He can still smell you. He knows exactly where you are and what you feel, he smells your fear, and he likes it.

Are you afraid of him? Are you afraid of what you see even though he is saving you?

"Where do you run chick."

Uta's laughter is chilling, transcendent, as the ghoul with your blood-stained hands whizzes by his side.

Your crouched form shrinks against your makeshift barrier to clear the way for the substitute victim before he overwhelms you.

You are so confused and afraid that what happens just slips before your eyes without really making sense. And when something rushes forward with a violent rush to capture the unfortunate ghoul, you have neither the ability nor the readiness to escape it.

The first thing you perceive is the heat that surrounds you and the light that dims.

Someone giggles and someone shouts.

You forget to breathe.

"Oops ..."

It's a voice you know all too well, it's a voice you hear every day, filling your life like color fills a blank canvas. Yet now you would swear you never heard it.

“How did you end up here, my beloved? Did your delicious smell make me catch you too? "

Beloved is not a word that flows often between you two, it is suspended in your gestures and in your looks, but it is truly exceptional that your lips pronounce it. Maybe that's why it now sounds so unreal from those lips you should have known for a long time.

Those lips that move threateningly beneath you and your tormentor, in the depths of that flesh so hot and so inhuman that surrounds you.

"Tell me, my love, what pains in hell do you want this toy to undergo?"

That word continues to resonate in those muscles along with the angry moans of the captured ghoul.

Love, love, love. Such a rare word, so unconventional. Yet he seems to like to say it as he prepares to kill.

It clashes like a broken bell, screeches against hearing like teeth in terror. But no, you can't say he's not being sincere.

Those red tentacles squeeze in on you, and you don't know if it's sadism or some other dark emotion he's feeling about holding you there.

You do not answer his smallest question and rather you turn around, clinging desperately to that merciless cocoon, looking for a way out.

Maybe it's still sadism, those noises you hear so visceral and close to you, while an unequal fight is taking place a few inches from your body. If not even the ghoul can escape the monster, how can you fragile human?

You don't want to see what's happening, what he's doing. You can't even imagine how the hell he can do to cause those screams of terror and that slaughterhouse noise of flesh and blood. The sound is already ignoble enough to make you squeeze against the viscous envelope, closing your eyes and pressing against those walls that you don't even know which area of his body they belong to.

Even when the disturbing silence falls on you, you don't move. The awareness of being alone there strangely makes things even more difficult.

"Don't you want to watch?" Uta's voice is still distorted by an unhealthy amusement "So weak ... there was no need to even fight him ..."

Your fingers cling to the tentacles as if they could protect you.

"Uta ..." his name sounds uncertain in that too narrow cave.

"Hm?" A light laugh, this time addressed only to you "are you afraid?"

He knows you're scared, terrified. He feels it in his lungs, the smell of your anguish mixes with that of your blood, of that wound you seem to have forgotten about.

And he keeps you there, because he knows that if he were to let you go, you would run away. The smell you have on you is that of the victims when they try in vain to escape the predator.

For a moment, a fleeting insane moment, he really thinks that the only solution is to devour you, that this is the only way to keep you there with him.

But that moment falls into his own horror when your question caresses him: "Can you come back please?"

Come back.

His heart stops for a moment.

Come back.

That scent of prey becomes your perfume again, which invades him like a raging river.

"But I ... I've always been here."

Now his voice is no longer scary, and although you still do not dare to look beyond your eyelids, you can finally feel the safety of that delicate and gentle tone.

"Uta?" You call him again, like you want to make sure it's him for real.

And he wonders what the hell he's doing. Because you are there, in the first place, in his trap.

Finally his shell opens, freeing you in the evening light, and all that grabs you are his hands, to bring you back to earth safely.

When you open your eyes, nothing is left of that cluster of tentacles and arms; all that is in front of you is that dear face that you have come to know so well. It's a blood mask that covers his chin to his nose, but at least you can see his eyes.

"It's me ..." the sweet note of his voice echoes in the calm after the storm "It's just me."

It's just him. No hero ready to save you, only Uta in his natural madness.

His instinct to grab you before you run away is contradicted by your sudden gesture pushing you against him.

"Uta!" Your arms surround his neck in a desperate attempt to hold him back as your head snuggles against his neck as if that were your only refuge.

"You never came back ... I came looking for you."

Your words are so docile and sincere that Uta almost doubts he has heard them.

He asked you, he asked you what you would do if he never came back. He hadn't believed you had taken his words to heart so much.

The imaginary of you, finally free human without him, dissolves in his mind with every particle of you that your body transmits to him.

It seems that nothing is wrong with you in any of this; neither the danger you ran, nor the wound on your shoulder, nor his inhuman violence. You seem to completely ignore the blood that covers him, which now dirties you too, and you are not bothered by the gaunt remains that surround you. You were looking for him. You were afraid that he would never come back to you, and you looked for him, as you said.

You did not remain silent and wait, you did not hope for a while to get rid of him, nor did you plan to remain without him. Instead those words of his had remained inside you to the point of putting you in danger.

"Forgive me." His voice is little more than a whisper as his palm gently rests on your head in a protective gesture "Does it hurt a lot?"

You shake your head in dissent as he leans over your wound to lick the blood away. Not a threatening gesture, but a cure, a desire to perceive you as close to him as possible.

You who sought him, you who did not run away, you who remain so calm in his hands.

"You won't go away, will you?"

Your question is innocent as you curl up in him, likewise seeking your presence.

His nose cuddles against your temple, continuing to perceive you with all possible senses.

"Not as long as you want me."

[its-me-im-coraline]

Cat and Dog // Victoria De Angelis

words // 1034

warnings // again, curse words, a little angsty, I suppose fighting as well

pairing // Victoria De Angelis x GN!Reader

author's note // and it's in moment like this, when I write or read something like that that I do not doubt I am pansexual 😂

request // yes here

summary // Victoria and reader fight like cat and dog over the smallest of things. An unfortunate morning leads to a fontunate life.

She is perfect. Absolute perfection. With her blonde hair, her wonderful eyes, the grace and the beauty that attracts everyone around her. I could not stand her. Every moment she walked by me, every time she came into a room I was in, it felt like she was flaunting all like I felt I lacked. Victoria would pass me by and I would see all the people swooning over her, her little arrogant glances my way never helping the situation.

Such a funny person, a woman of gusto, a woman everyone would die for, a woman that simply made me feel inferior by existing in the same place as me. The jokes and her comments, and her laugh. She is perfect. So perfect. Too perfect, for me, and I hate that.

So much denial has clouded me in the past few years I am around her. Knowing Vic for around three years has been an absolute hell. For one reason or the other the two of us would always butt heads, have a snarky comment or joke to make about the other. It drove me insane; well she did.

After winning Eurovision, the band decided to take some time away, in their home studio, maybe with some friends staying with them, and much to Victoria's dismay I am one of those friends. The mornings were quiet, as long as we didn't interact, but the moment we shared the same air for a few minutes in the kitchen it was bound to be a mess.

This morning was no different. It was one of those days that I woke up early, getting the chance to busk in the serenity of the morning. So, I opened a window in the kitchen, I made my breakfast, prepared some coffee, making a mental note to buy more of it, and then moved to sit by the window as to get some of that early breeze before the sun hit. It was alright and for a time it was peaceful. And then, she walked in.

"Seriously, there is no coffee left? Cazzo, volevo solo un caffè. Eccoci di nuovo..." She kept mumbling and mumbling under her breath, never even throwing a glance at me.

(Fuck, I just wanted some coffee. There we go again.)

"You! You finished the coffee again Y/N." Finally her eyes met mine, stone cold expression as he finger waved accusingly in front of her.

"There is enough already on the coffee maker, Victoria. You can drink it, it doesn't have diseases," I scoffed, going back to the task at hand; finishing my breakfast in peace.

"I don't like the coffee you make, it's too strong."

"Ugh, then go buy some, the store is close by."

"You finished it, you go."

"Oh, for fucks sake, you both go. Non vi sopporto più!" It was maybe the first time I ever heard Ethan so mad. Truth be told, neither had realized how much this constant back and forth affected the others. Up to one point they considered it funny, even fueling the fire a few times, but not now.

(I can't stand you anymore)

And so we did. Neither was satisfied with the idea demand of Ethan but he was not open to arguments at such an hour. As surprising as it is, we were both quite polite while in public, trying not to attract too much attention from the people around us but also not to cause a scene. The occasional disagreement was still there.

"Why would you like that coffee Y/N, no! It's disgusting, we are not getting that."

"Well, I like it. I will take it."

"I said no!"

"And I said yes."

From that morning and on the relationship between Victoria and I got even more rocky. We were going against each other even more. For the amount of cheese one liked on their food, for the glasses we would use for water, even for the brand of water we'd drink. Everything was possible to be used in a fight and the others had gotten sick of it. As a result, the best idea they had was what every rational person would do: lock us in a room together. They clearly didn't think this through. You don't just lock the bull in the glass store.

"You will stay in there until you solve whatever has happened between you, cause this has gotten out of hand."

"What has happened is they are irritating!"

"Oh, of course it's my fault, Mrs Diva!"

"If you shut your mouth for once we wouldn't be here right now."

And so the argument moved on. Every sentence shot like a bullet, no time to think of it, no time to care, we just fired at each other. Insult after insult and complaint after complaint we ended up yelling at each other, face to face. So close. Close enough to just kiss. No.

"You- you are so - agh - bothersome." It felt intimate, how near we stood. One more step and we would be able to feel each other's breath.

"And you think you are better? All you do is but heads with me! Why do you hate me so much Victoria?" Silence. My breath hitched at my throat and she just stood there, mouth agape, no words coming out.

"I don't hate you," she whispered.

"Excuse me?"

"I said I don't hate you."

"Really? Cause it feels like you do!"

"I don't hate you! I hate what you do to me!" The words were deafening even if her voice was quiet. I hate what you do to me.

"Really Victoria, cause that's ir-" her movement startled me immensely. Her hands were by my face, my back on the wall and her lips on mine. Her lips on mine. I've been longing for these lips for such a long time. Having dreams about them, hating myself for it and hating her for it.

"I don't hate you." Is all that was said before she kissed me again, this time stronger, with more force and passion. It was like we didn't want to let go, just wanted it to continue forever.

tag list: @bieberhoodforever @tabi-toast

[tzuyuscloud]

kim lip scenario where she fell in love with a book and went to a book signing event, since it’s the first time of the author to do a book signing, then she met the author and surprised because she was also kim lip’s almost girlfriend when they were in highschool.

Books & Latte's

During winter break Jungeun spent her days in the small library in her home town reading her favorite book series that she had unintentionally fell in love with during school. She would spend every moment of free time reading them and even staying up late some nights.

When Jungeun was scrolling through her phone her eyes perked open when she read an announcement that Barnes and Noble had posted on their Instagram account y/n announce: "The author of the book 'Free Fall' will be at your local Barnes and Noble Saturday from 2-5pm."

"I have to get a picture with them, I have to meet them" she huffed seriously. That night Jungeun fell asleep getting herself mentally prepared for the long day ahead of her.

•

•

•

Jungeun impatiently stood in the ridiculously long line that curved around the block of Barnes and Noble. It was a crisp 17°F outside, everyone bundled up in their winter clothes while gripping onto their book for dear life.

Right as Jungeun was next in line she got a glimpse of the person's face. She gasped, dropping the book to the ground just as it was her turn to meet the author.

The woman sat behind the table with the same stunned face as Jungeun. Neither of them spoke for half a minute before the woman broke the ice, "i-its been awhile Jungeun" she nervously smiled. "Yeah it has, I didn't know you made this book. I've been obsessed, y-you did great, y/n" Jungeun complimented while handing y/n the book to sign it.

"would you like to meet me at the coffee shop across the street? I have about 10 minutes left of this and then I'll be there" y/n suggested. Jungeun agreed to the location before grabbing the book and walking out the front entrance. Her airway felt tight as she didn't expect to run into her almost girlfriend from high school.

The two of them were best friends who would flirt with each other and sneak a few make out sessions here and there, but they never made time to make anything official. And when Jungeun heard y/n was moving out of state for college she was devastated, and ghosted the girl for her own good.

Jungeun sat at a booth near the window swirling her straw through her hot chocolate as she watched the light snow flurry that took place outside. As she heard the small bell go off indicating someone entered or left the store she looked up making eye contact with y/n who was failing to hold back a smile at Junguen's presence.

"I missed you so much" Y/n got right to the point, "I dreaded leaving, I wanted to stay here with you and become a couple and spend my days with you. I didn't want to leave" she rambled on. Junguen sat speechless knowing that if she spoke she would stutter badly.

Junguen swallowed deeply, "I missed you too, y/n, but if you would have stayed then you wouldn't be successful as you are right now"

Y/n reached across the table taking Jungeun's soft, cold hands into hers, "but I don't feel successful if I'm not with you. Ever since I left I could only think about you and all the ways I had hurt you when I left"

"no y/n, you're the one who must've been hurt considering I ghosted you. I was a jerk for that." Jungeun sighed looking down. Out of the blue, y/n didn't hesitate and asked, "can we try a relationship again? And if it doesn't work out we can still be friends?" She asked causing Junguen to blush a deep shade of red.

Jungeun nodded her head yes, smiling hard about everything that occured in the last 10 hours. "I know I already said it, but I missed you so much unnie" y/n pulled Junguen in for a hug.

[tottymatsuno]

Who You Actually Are (Osomatsu-san: Karamatsu x Reader)

Chapter 2:

Dissociation

Author: Roro (halfeviltotty)

Fandom: Osomatsu-san

Pairing: Karamatsu x reader

Category: hurt/comfort, character study, trauma fic

Rating: gen

Summary: A fractured sense of identity watching all at once.

Word count: 1700 or so

Warnings: blood warning, injuries, DID, mental illness, vague mentions of trauma

Commentary: karamatsu is really goin thru it huh EDITS IN FUNNIE KARAMATSU PICTURE BC THATS HOW IM ROLLING FROM NOW ON

| Oneshots | All Fics | Multichapter Fics | Entire Series>| Karamatsu Fics |

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| Choromatsu Part 1 | Choromatsu Part 2 |

With crystal clear eyes you saw right through Karamatsu with a question instead of introduction. You plucked out a single rose and the red contrast against your skin was breathtaking. "Who are you supposed to be?" You twirled it with such a graceful flair and avoided hurting yourself in its thorns.

It caught Karamatsu off guard, why would you ask that. Your tone was neither cold nor overly warm, not much affection or derision. Just a simple question with your head tilted with those analytical eyes taking in each motion and expression that crosses Karamatsu's face.

Your genuine curiosity frightened him, as if you without a doubt thought he must be acting.

"W-who am I? Heh! Well my beautiful Karamatsu flower, I am your destiny! I am Matsuno Karamatsu, the 2nd brother, handsome, suave, a lone wolf who walks a shadowy path for redemption! Ah, my Karamatsu lover, do not get too close for this wolf will have no choice but to bare his fangs into your slender neck. I've got my eyes on my prey, and darling I won't let you go once you're in my Karamatsu clutch."

Karamatsu posed dramatically with each sentence and you just watched. When he was through speaking you clapped.

"Not bad, not bad at all." Karamatsu blinked at your response, "I can see your passion for this character Karamatsu, and your method acting is pretty good albeit a little rough around the edges. Which troupe are you with? I wouldn't mind work-shopping some dialogue with you. You wanna do a quick improv right now since we're both here?"

"You're pretty handsome so I'm sure you're popular in your troupe, but when we're done improvising let me take a couple head shots of you. I know the director of a local theater who has the perfect role for someone like you if you're not married to the Karamatsu persona. "

You smiled at him and Karamatsu suddenly felt embarrassed, you're so pretty. Beautiful even, to the point where Karamatsu lowered the bouquet of roses with his head cast downwards. He didn't even care that you said he was handsome. It did literally nothing for his ego in that moment, but did prove to him that Karamatsu doesn't know himself. He has never felt handsome once before in his life and had only been called that word by his mother.

It'd been a long week.

"I can't do this right now." Karamatsu said painfully with his voice so dried that it sounded very unlike him, far away and much weaker than Karamatsu could ever utter. How many times is this going to happen to him? Today wasn't the day Karamatsu wanted to confront these emotions especially not in front of a woman but the words overflow without consent as suddenly the world shifts into third person.

"Why doesn't anyone take me seriously? I try so hard to be myself and I get asked 'who are you trying to impress, Karamatsu-niisan?' 'why are you wearing that, Karamatsu-niisan?' 'can you do this for me, and that, I need your help Karamatsu-niisan!' 'it's embarrassing to be seen with you, Karamatsu-niisan!' day in and day out. Now strangers are asking me who I'm supposed to be?"

Karamatsu watched himself shout with such pity, Karamatsu in his old uniform on-looked while shielding the ten year old's eyes. All of himselves surrounded with unblinking stares forward and Karamatsu felt ashamed.

"Why can't I just be who I said I am? Why does everyone have to ask me why? Does it matter?! The answer is even I don't know! Who the hell even is Matsuno Karamatsu if I'm not him?! If I can't be him then who am I!"

Karamatsu felt the thorns from the bouquet pressed tightly against the thin wrapping of the paper. His hands shook violently.

All at once like he had been grounded midair, Karamatsu felt your hands wrap around the bouquet. There was blood dripping from a few puncture wounds. You stared down at him with genuine concern, horrified at the display. But your hands were soft and gentle.

"I think I made a mistake, Karamatsu-san. I'm very sorry for hurting your feelings like this."

The bouquet is slowly pulled out of his injured hands and Karamatsu can't help but to reach out to you. You should shy away, Karamatsu thinks once he has the ability to form his own thoughts.

"It's bleeding, don't let me touch you." His words didn't match his actions, you watched him with those analytical eyes and leaned forward. When Karamatsu's hands cupped your face he saw a bit of blood smeared on your chin.

You were worried for him and not afraid of him even in the slightest.

"It's going to be okay, Karamatsu-san. I'll take care of this." Karamatsu is then led to a store, his hands bandaged by someone who took delicate care not to hurt him. You listened when Karamatsu spoke and you took his words at face value.

Hey...

Stop being so nice. The older child inside of Karamatsu pleads pathetically, I'll get the wrong idea if you're this nice. You haven't wiped your face yet, why not? You're supposed to avoid touching other people's blood, aren't you afraid? Don't you know my blood could make you sick? Your hands are so warm, stop touching mine. I'm scared.

Karamatsu was led to a bench on a busy street by his fingertips, so loud that it was almost impossible to ignore the sounds. A sea of people walk by, why are you holding my hand? Asked the ten year old inside of Karamatsu. You should only hold hands when crossing the street, you should know that by now. Girls like this are stupid for not caring, the ten year old concludes.

You haven't stopped talking, your voice carried on the wind's currents and the overcast late afternoon turned into a dark twilight.

Karamatsu finally listened.

"Karamatsu-san, that isn't a red shirt. It's a brown suit." He looked at you for a second and laughed, "Sorry, I didn't notice." There was someone laughing for him. Someone else was making his throat hum out a chuckle, someone who was pulling his muscles to form a smile, someone who's fingers in his cheeks. There has been someone responding for him, using his voice to carry on the conversation. Karamatsu consciously took the reigns back as subtly as ever, making sure you didn't notice the mask being transferred to another facet of himself.

"You don't have to try so hard, Karamatsu-san. Or at least not with me after this." With those words you stood up, dusted your pants off and grinned at him.

"I'll see you again, right?" Karamatsu just nodded once more in a daze.

And you did, you sought him out with those curious eyes. You taught him some acting methods Karamatsu found out years later were coping skills.

"I always wanted to be an actor, my Karamatsu girl!" Karamatsu told you and then it was.

You took candids of him and introduced him to your theater, with the first greeting out your mouth was, "I'm this guy's biggest Karamatsu fan! Please give a warm welcome to Karamatsu-san!"

At first he thought your kindness was pity, then he thought maybe you simply were just kind. Then Karamatsu noticed something about you too, that faraway stare. A rapidly shifting personality, moments of complete catatonic silence that seemed to strangle you mentally. Like you were watching things in third person too and were fighting to get back in control.

"Who are you?" Karamatsu asked you once while your hair laid across the bathroom floor, he only asked because you couldn't stop muttering "I can't tell if I'm not me."

Twenty minutes later you seemed back to normal, the tears wiped away, the episode quietly ended like it began and you were shocked to see your head. "Who did this?"

Karamatsu witnessed your surprise each time you saw your reflection, like you were meeting an overly familiar stranger each time. The subtle wide eye gasp, if he hadn't studied you so closely Karamatsu wouldn't have ever noticed. When you recognized not yourself or a representation of yourself in the mirror but a friend from long ago you would smile. Like you were smiling at someone you accidentally made eye contact with from across the room instead of your own face.

Karamatsu helped ground you just as much as you did for him. You taught him the skills for himself and when you needed him, Karamatsu would pluck you mid spiral and assist you safely to your senses because you needed it as well.

"I owe you so much, I'm not sure if this is okay to ask from you but will you go to the petting zoo with me. As a date?" Karamatsu extended the tickets out towards you which received him a strange look. You glanced down at his hand, and then to the other and then to your own.

You finished your cotton candy quickly, "Karappii? Why are you confessing?" You lifted your hand held in Karamatsu's own. "Isn't this our three month anniversary?"

"C-can I kiss you then?!" And you kissed him while waiting for your turn on the ferris wheel. Then again on the ferris wheel itself, then on the ride home, and then at home.

You helped him a lot. With every small indicator of something vastly unwell, a detachment from Karamatsu's own feelings you asked him to challenge that notion. His bravado slowly stopped peacocking and became true confidence, Karamatsu found himself understanding his thoughts better.

In return Karamatsu assisted with what he learned was dissociation, it was funny since the symptoms sounded familiar. Karamatsu had to adapt, not adjust. All at once he felt responsible for someone else's well being, roses can't fix things that are broken. Neither within himself or you.

You tried to manage him in his moments of forgetfulness, "Karamatsu isn't it Thursday?" therapy day. Karamatsu did the same for you. Two broken people trying to rearrange their image based off of what the other sees. "Have I always looked this way?" You asked with that clarity gone. "Yes, you've always been this beautiful."

"Is this okay? Am I still Karamatsu if I feel like this?" Karamatsu asked in one of many moments of vulnerability. Kintsugi, Karamatsu feels like kintsugi when handled by you.

"I think I fell for you that day we met, at first I really thought you were acting. But I realized you did exactly what you said you would. Once I was in your clutch, I knew I would never escape." You looked stunning two years later in your white dress.

On his wedding night, Karamatsu never cried so hard before. The ceremony ended and all at once it was just Karamatsu and you in the hotel room.

"You saved me that day, Karappii. I was planning doing something I couldn't come back from and there you were. I love you, my Karamatsu angel."

Four versions of Karamatsu have seemed to melded together at this point after all if he knows one truth about himself it's that Karamatsu is in love with you.

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

𝙇𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙇𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧 (𝙎𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙈𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙞)

Pairing: Song Mingi (Ateez)× Reader (Female) ft. Park Seonghwa (Ateez)

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Humor.

Word Count: 3.5K

Summary: Mingi has liked Y/N for the longest time and works up the courage to confess to her.......until he witnesses her confessing to someone else.

Tag: @seacottons . Happy birthday my tiny goofy goober.

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"Scribbling away another love letter that you'll end up throwing in the garbage bin yet again?"

Mingi quickly covered the paper in front of him with his large hands, startled by the voice of his friend who silently came in the room.

"Yeosang don't freaking scare me like that! Seriously, I'm going to ask Seonghwa to put a bell on you."

Adjusting the glasses on his nose, Mingi carefully folded the paper before placing it inside a pink colored envelope which he ended up wrapping a string around it. For the final touch, he attached a small flower on it like he did on all the other ones, this time it was a mini red carnation, which he gently kissed before placing it in the stash with the others.

Yeosang simply shook his head and sighed.

"Mingi, I'm no relationship expert, but don't you think it'd be better to tell Y/N how you feel instead of pouring your heart out into a piece of paper and storing it in a cold corner?"

The taller male sat still for a couple seconds, thinking about his friend's words. Maybe he would....and yet-

"No I- I can't do that! I mean, look at me. I'm just Mingi and she's Y/N."

Yeosang rolled his eyes.

"Yes, glad to see you know both of your names. But what's keeping you from telling her? Like seriously?"

Kicking himself off the chair, Mingi slumped onto his bed, sprawling all over it and groaning dramatically.

"She's super cool, funny, kind, caring and has eyes to die for..."

Lifting his head up he smiled goofily at Yeosang who just scrunched his nose at how lovesick Mingi was. Coming back to reality, Mingi rolled over onto his back. Clutching a nearby pillow, he hugged it as he looked at the ceiling.

"And I'm just me.......she'd never fall for someone like me..."

Yeosang sat next to him. Patting his arm in an effort to comfort him, he suggested:

"Why not try still? Who knows? Maybe you'll end up being surprised yourself."

Mingi pondered over his Yeosang's words long after he was gone. He looked back at the stash of written confessions he had drafted over the past months.

"Why not? After all, it wouldn't hurt me to try......"

"Right?"

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Y/N paced back and forth around the living room, feeling extremely anxious and agitated.

"It's ok Y/N. Just breathe and you'll be fine. The worse he can do is reject you right? No biggie." She mentally told herself.

Looking back at the cake on the island, she double checked to make sure it looked perfect and even. She had to remind herself to thank Yunho for telling her what his friend's favorite cake was, even if he had demanded a cake of his own as payment for the information. She got startled when she finally heard the door open.

"Don't panic! Don't panic!" She couldn't keep herself from fidgeting with the sleeves of her sweater.

Maybe there was still time to back out of this, maybe she could pretend she dropped the cake for all of them, even if he was the only one there at that moment. She was so frustrated she actually leaned her forehead against the wall in front of her and whined lowly.

"Y/N?" She finally heard him speak.

Without turning around, she lifted a hand behind her to signal him to not speak. Taking a deep breath she declared:

"Listen! I'm only going to say this once so hear me out...."

The man behind her stood there, eyeing her curiously, wondering what she'd say. He was pretty shocked when he heard her continue.

"I've liked you for the longest time now...... like seriously like you. Every time I see you, I feel like my heart is about to jump out of my chest..."

Sighing softly, she got to the final part.

"I understand if you don't feel the same, if you'll see me as nothing but a friend. After all, you're an idol and have so many pretty faces constantly surrounding you, and you're so handsome, so perfect and sweet and cute and- ugh! I just wanted to let you know that I really really like you ok?!"

She felt so embarrased by herself and actually contemplated banging her head against the concrete in front of her. She already could feel the rejection coming, the silence being the huge indicator. Not able to bear the silence anymore, she turned around.

"Stop dragging it on and just tell me- Seonghwa?!"

She was beyond mortified when she saw the eldest Ateez member in front of her, who was now poking at the cake.

"I mean........ I appreciate the sentiment Y/N, but you should know my favorite ice cream is strawberry. Not .....whatever this is..."

Y/N snatched the cake away from him.

"It's not for you idiot! And the confession wasn't for you either!"

Seonghwa pretended to be hurt by her words.

"Ouch. You hurt me so bad." He mock pouted, causing her to roll her eyes.

"But honestly, thank God it wasn't for me. I was about to get a heart attack from thinking about how to let you down gently."

Y/N looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

"I mean, no offense Y/N. You're cute and all but I just see you as a friend." He explained.

"None taken. You're cute and all but I just see you as the other's nanny." She teased him.

"Hey you take that back!" He swatted at her, causing her to laugh and almost drop the cake.

"Ok but if you weren't expecting me to come by the door? Who were you expecting?"

Leaning his elbow on the wall, Seonghwa looked at Y/N with a mischievous twinkle in the eye.

"Tell me. I must know who among our members is it that makes your heart pound so much?"

"That's my secret." She pretended to zip her lips tightly.

"Awww come on! I hardly get any excitement anymore! Tell me! I wanna know!" He continued pestering her to dish it out.

She bit her lip before deciding she could trust him.

"It's.....it's Mingi. ..."

Seonghwa immediately got a shocked look on his face which terrified Y/N, but then it confused her when he started smiling widely.

"Are you serious?! That's great!" Seonghwa actually hugged her tightly.

"Why is that great?"

Seonghwa leaned in, pressing his lips to her ear.

"Because, he may or may not be also crushing on you....hard."

Seonghwa chuckled at her reaction.

"Cute. Super cute."

Seonghwa couldn't resist the urge to nuzzle his nose against her cheek, making Y/N make gagging noises at his affection and jokingly attemp to escape his grasp.....

Yet neither of them noticed the heartbroken pair of eyes that was watching them.

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Mingi was upset for the next few days and didn't even try to hide it. He couldn't get that image out of his head. He could still hear Y/N's voice say:

"I've liked you for the longest time now...... like seriously like you. Every time I see you, I feel like my heart is about to jump out of my chest...

I just wanted to let you know that I really really like you ok?!"

He was so shocked to hear her say that. For the longest time he had wanted to hear her utter those words....

But they weren't for him, they were for someone else.

He couldn't stay anymore. He quietly exited the dorm to give them both the space they needed. Waiting for several minutes outside, he debated whether to go back inside and see what happened or just go back to the company to practice the choreography once more and hopefully get his mind off things. Curiosity getting the better of him, Mingi slowly opened the door again and silently peeked his head back in.

He instantly regretted it and wished he had just gone back to practice. It absolutely destroyed him watching his Hyung be lovey dovey with the girl of his dreams and he knew he'd hate the coming days. Which was why he stayed in his room or just went out to practice to keep his mind occupied.

He wasn't in the mood to play with Yunho, mess with Hongjoong and especially not eat what Seonghwa cooked. It started to worry the others and of course, it also worried Y/N to no end. She tried to cheer him up, make him his favorite foods or try to get him out of bed, but it was all in vain. Mingi would end up shutting down more and just dismissing her attempts, sometimes harshly.

"Y/N please just leave me alone! I don't want to see you!" He yelled at her one day when he just couldn't control what he'd kept bottled up inside.

He instantly felt bad when he saw her sad and disappointed eyes, but didn't apologize. He simply grabbed his coat and went for a walk, leaving the poor girl in total disillusionment. Y/N sat down on his bed, her hand gently stroking the throw blanket he always kept.

"Now you've got a long face. Don't tell me it's contagious."

Usually she'd chuck a pillow at Yeosang's comment, but she didn't even feel like doing that.

"What's with you?" Yeosang asked as he took a seat next to her.

"I'm just....hurt.." She admitted.

"Why?" He continued his interrogation.

"I just......wanted to help Mingi but instead he lashed out at me and it hurts because I care about him a lot and it hurts to have the person you like treat you so coldly."

She didn't even realize she had just told Yeosang her secret, but she was too hurt to even think about the words coming out of her mouth. Yeosang however seemed intrigued by what she said, and knowing how Mingi was pining for her as well, couldn't understand either why he'd make her feel that way.

"If it's any consolation..... he likes you too."

Although Seonghwa had already hinted that Mingi liked her too, she couldn't really take his words seriously because Seonghwa tended to misinterpret things. But she knew Yeosang was straightforward and honest in everything, plus he wouldn't make something like this up.

"He does?" She looked at him incredulously.

Yeosang nodded. Remembering the box Mingi hid, he got up, not caring whether it was ok or not to do this, but something had to be done. Picking up the red box he placed it on Y/N's lap.

"Read them. They're Mingi's. Maybe there you'll find a clue about what's bothering him."

Ruffling the top of her head, Yeosang exited the room and closed the door behind him, knowing she'd probably want the privacy.

Snapping the latch up, Y/N was more than surprised to see several letters neatly laid out in the box. There were at least a dozen of them, all addressed to her and stacked by the order they were written in. The envelopes were all different colors, and each had a unique flower attached to it, some already dried out from how old they were, but others were still fresh and vibrant. Picking up the first one in the stack, she noticed it was dated 1 week after she had just moved into the apartment next to them.

"Dear Y/N,

I know you'd find it odd to hear me say this, but I think you're so pretty and nice and I was wondering if one day you'd like to go on a date with me? Let me know."

She giggled softly at how cute he was. She poured over the next letters one by one, each time they were getting longer and longer than the last one, and they certainly became more romantic.

"Dear Y/N,

It's been only a few minutes since we all went to bed cause New Year's is over, but I honestly can't sleep. Not when my head is filled with images of you at the party, looking absolutely gorgeous in that dress you wore. Let me tell you, I could hardly keep myself still when the fireworks began. I seriously wanted to kiss you right then and there, and I would have, but that would have probably freaked you out and I can't have that. Admiring you was enough for me and I know I will get to kiss you, even if it's only in my dreams."

Y/N fondly remembered that. She recalled how she fantasized about Mingi kissing her as well. She desperately wanted him to cup her face and just plant his luscious lips on hers. She could feel herself blushing as she thought about how they would feel and what would they taste like. It was well an hour later but she finally reached the last letter, which was actually written up just yesterday. This time it was in a dark blue envelop and it had a tiny stem of Forget-Me-Nots on it.

"Dear Y/N,

I know it's foolish to keep writing these things when I now know you can never be mine, when I know your heart belongs to someone else. But I need to get it off my chest and finally say this:

I love you..."

She clutched her heart when she read that, tears already forming in her eyes.

"I love you, but I can never have you. Yet I hold no resentment towards you. You're free to love who you want. I wish you and Seonghwa Hyung nothing but happiness and I hope he treats you like the princess you are.

Forever yours, hoping you never forget me,

Song Mingi."

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows, wondering what he meant by being happy with Seonghwa. Then it hit her. Mingi had started acting strange the day after the misunderstanding with Seonghwa happened. Which meant he must have seen something and thought-

"Oh my God!"

Y/N quickly ran out the room, almost bumping into San who dramatically slammed his back on the wall, holding his beloved baby high above any danger.

"It's ok my precious Byeol! Your father has saved you from this heathen who doesn't know that she shouldn't run in the house especially when I'm with child!"

San shook his head and held the feline close to him as he walked into his room to play with her, singing an unintelligible tune that wasn't exactly pleasant to the siamese' ears.

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Y/N was once again sweating nervously. She kept looking and shuffling the plate of macarons in the middle of the table. She specifically poked at the pink one, hoping it wouldn't fall apart or anything. She could hardly take a sip out of her own coffee as she waited for Mingi to get there. She was beginning to worry he wouldn't show up at all, but Yeosang promised to make sure he did. She took out her phone to text Yeosang, ask him if he succeeded or should she just think of something else.

"Y/N? Did you call me here?"

She fumbled with her phone that almost dropped out of her hands when she finally heard Mingi and saw him standing there in front of her.

"Uhm...yeah. Please sit."

She gestured for him to sit which he hesitantly did. He kept his glance on the table, not even looking at the drink or treats in front of him. Wanting to break the ice, Y/N shifted the cup and plates closer to him.

"Look. I got your favorites."

She hoped to get a reaction out of him, but nothing. He barely batted an eyelash at them.

"Oh.....thanks...." Still made no move to take anything.

Feeling impatient, Y/N shoved the plate of macarons closer, making it touch his hand.

"Mingi.....won't you please take one?"

He sighed in defeat, and as expected, he took the pink one.

"I appreciate your effort Y/N. You're a good friend. But don't you think your boyfriend might get jealous of you doing this? We all know how Seonghwa is with his possessions."

Y/N wanted to refute that statement right then and there, but instead, she chose to wait. Mingi took a bite out of the macaron, or at least attempted to but it felt oddly hard and weird. Examining it closely, he accidentally broke it apart in two pieces, and out came a tiny folded paper. Mingi looked at Y/N, who just pointed to the paper, her eyes urging him to open it. Mingi carefully unfolded the paper and his eyes went wide as he read the contents:

"I love you too♡"

Confused and wondering what it meant, he was going to ask Y/N about it, but she began explaining:

"That day.....that you saw me and Seonghwa..... I thought it was you who was standing behind me."

If they weren't sitting in a booth and had instead been at one of the tables with high chairs, Mingi would have seriously fallen out of it.

"That confession....was supposed to be for you.."

Mingi couldn't believe what he was hearing. He actually pinched himself to make sure it wasn't another beautiful delusion his mind was making up.

"Are.....are you serious?" He had to be sure.

Y/N nodded her head.

"Then....then why was Seonghwa kissing your cheek afterwards?"

Y/N giggled softly.

"That wasn't a kiss. He was just being the little shit he was and teasing me about you."

Now it all made sense. Seonghwa did enjoy teasing Y/N and that teasing was always followed by a pinch to her cheek, a squeezing of her nose, or even messing up her hair.

"So it was all a misunderstanding?" Mingi asked.

"Yeah. A rather big and painful one if you ask me." She added sadly.

Then Mingi's eyes shot up as he realized something.

"Wait! What do you mean you love me too?"

Now it was Y/N's turn to blush.

"Well...... Yeosang kinda showed me all the letters you wrote."

Mingi thought he was about to have a heart attack.

"Please tell me you didn't read them all."

When she bit her lip, Mingi grimaced and covered his face.

"How embarrassing. I want to die now."

"Well.....I thought they were really sweet and romantic. I loved every one of them."

Peeking out through his fingers, Mingi squeaked out an "Really?"

Y/N couldn't resist the urge to uncover his face and coo at him.

"Yes I did, almost as much as I love you."

Mingi blushed intensely at her words, both of them bursting out into little giggles.

"So that cake you made.......those words you said..... it is for me?" He looked at Y/N with hope in his eyes.

"It was always you Mingi."

Pouting, Mingi held out his pinkie.

"Promise?"

Linking her own pinkie in his, she promised:

"Promise it was you and it will always be you."

Mingi was happy once again now that everything was cleared up and he found out the girl he loved reciprocated his feelings. They left the cafe together, both shy and quiet as if they were a newlywed couple. Mingi kept glancing over at her, wanting to say something, but didn't know what. Unconsciously, he brushed his hand against hers.

"Sorry!" He apologized when she whipped her head at him.

"I swear! I wasn't trying to-"

His words got caught in his throat when she held his hand and continues walking as if it was totally normal. Mingi couldn't stop himself from smiling at their physical contact.

"So uhh..........when is it an acceptable time to have our first kiss?"

His question made her burst out laughing. He however didn't find it funny.

"I'm serious! I just want to know when it'll be an acceptable time to kiss my girlfriend!" He complained.

Stopping in their tracks, Y/N faced him.

"Ok you really wanna know?"

Mingi nodded. Feeling bold, Y/N got on her tippy toes and pecked his lips so quickly it took Mingi a couple seconds to register what happened. Y/N began running back away and laughing at his dumbfounded expression. Once he got over the shock, Mingi began sprinting over to her.

"Hey! No fair! Come back here! I wasn't ready! Let me kiss you properly!"

Having longer legs, he easily caught her and threw her over his shoulder.

"That was so mean." He huffed as he began walking again, not caring if people looked at them weird.

"Ok what can I do to make it up to you?" She offered.

Humming softly, Mingi answered:

"I want you to cuddle me while we watch movies."

Y/N shrugged.

"Done. It's a deal."

Not hiding the smug smile on his face, Mingi added:

"And I want to kiss you."

❏ ❐ ❑ ❒ ❏ ❐ ❏ ❐ ❑ ❒ ❏ ❐ ❏ ❐ ❑ ❒

[khaleesiofalicante]

I really said fuck classes who needs notes anyway (i do I have 5 tests in the next two weeks)

before I post my live blog here, I feel like people really underestimate how bad rumors are and how much they fuck with your mental health. they don't lose sleep over them, they don't think twice. but these things are harmful as fuck. they leave wounds that take so long to recover from because you keep on thinking about these lies who to others are "just words"

I've been there. it's not fun. I wish I had the courage back then to stand up to those rumors which I have now. these things never leave you. others might move on but the healing process is a journey that is long and hard. I wish more people understood just what effect their words can have.

Yeah, he knew a thing or two about family members going overboard with glitter.

IT'S RAFAEL CENTRIC GHSYGUJDUYDFUIKFDUIDFIUDF

TAVVY

TAVVY

TAVVY

DCSUIHDCSUIDUYUDICUIVSDUIHFVSUILFBUHKIFSV

I feel like I keyboard smash A LOT

“You will never drink even if you are not riding the bike,” Dad had pointed out – all Consul Voice and threatening glares. “The legal age for drinking in New York is 21.”

“But it’s 15 in Idris!”

“Well unfortunately for you, we are in Exile,” dad had grinned.

DAD ALEC UHIKSFDUIHKSGUIKSDVUIHKDVUHIKSVD

Max had a habit of ‘borrowing’ things and selling them on eBay. In his brother’s defense, Bapak had so many clothes that he never noticed when things disappeared. But Rafael did since he had a habit of wearing his father’s clothes.

The warlock – not the shadowhunter.

He wouldn’t be caught dead in one of those sweaters.

Now that Rafael was 18, he was almost as tall as his father.

The shadowhunter – not the warlock.

I AM SCREAMING

I love how he's clarifying which one he's talking about

“Do you know I used to have a crush on Lily Chen?” Tavvy blushed. “But then I found out she made out with Helen once and it kinda got weird.”

Ah yes. I remember. Does Rafael know that Alec also walked in on them?

ARCHITECT TAVVY

SDHDVUHDFSV,YDSFVUYVSFFUSVFUVFS

SHADOWUNTERS ATTENDING MUNDANE COLLEGES

“Dude, college kids don’t give a shit,” Tavvy laughed. “You could walk into a lecture covered in runes, holding a seraph blade and they wouldn’t give you a second look.”

“Cause they are chill?”

“Yes. But mostly cause they are dead inside,” Tavvy chuckled.

Surprisingly that's exactly what my grade 6 prefect told me (DAMN WHY AM I ALWAYS REMEMBERING GRADE 6 IT'S BEEN YEARS. that was a horrible year *shudders*)

ANJALI IS A CENTURION

LMAO THIS IS WHAT RAFAEL MEANT WHEN HE SAID HE WOULDNT WANT TO GO TO THE SCHOLOMANCE FOR PERSONAL REASONS

I still ship them.

“The meeting is going to go perfe-What is SHE doing here?”

Well, that was a quick change-

Unlike Aunt Maia, Lily did not like to be called Aunt Lily. So, Rafael respected her wishes. Max of course continued to call her Aunt Lily and sometimes Abeula Lily since his brother had a pathological condition of pissing people off.

THAT'S SO MAX OMG JHSXUHSCUHISDHUHUKIDVS

great now I miss Raphael

I HAVE A CLASS IN 7 MINUTES STOP MAKING ME CRY

that is so thoughtful of him though...

tears.

“There are no photos of Raphael,” Lily sighed.

“Because he is a vampire?” Tavvy asked sympathetically.

“Because he is Raphael,” she grinned. “Vampires can most certainly take photos. You should follow me on Instagram. My handle is simp_for_carstairs.”

Of course, it is. No one is surprised.

Tavvy picked one up, took a large bite and it threw it back immediately. “Holy shit, that’s spicy!”

“White,” Lily and Anjali snorted at the same time.

white people and their bland foods smh

“She is not wrong,” Lily nodded seriously. “I’m a Jem Carstairs fan first and a vampire second.”

As she should be

UHDSUHDFSUHFDH ANJALI AND RAFAEL COMPETING ABOUT WHO'S LILY'S FAVORITE

He observed Anjali’s long dark hair spilled over her shoulders as her eyes stayed on Lily – sharp, protective and beautiful.

"Beautiful"

I AM NOT LETTING THIS GO

I'm THE DAMN CAPTAIN OF THIS SHIP

FUCKING RUMORS

I'm GONNA KILL SOMEONE

“Shadowhunters are awful gossips,” Anjali said. “Let’s not waste our time with this nonsense.”

There was something in her voice. Something he couldn’t put his finger on.

No, wait I want to know what was in her voice.

But no. It couldn’t be. They weren’t dating.

YET

Rafael was sure there was something more than friendship between them. But David was polite to a fault and Max was an oblivious little shit. So, obviously nothing had happened yet.

OH MY GOD THESE TWO

But this was different. He would tolerate rumours about himself. But he would not tolerate rumours about his family.

I and Rafael will beat up the people who spread these rumors together :D

“She once told me she likes sipping tea more than drinking blood.

I-

same.

NOT THAT I DRINK BLOOD-

RAFAEL LMAO NO

"I hate her she's so annoying"

continues to daydream about her and how tall she'd be without those boots, lies to tavvy about her dating someone

Why did he do that? What was the purpose? Did he not want other people to date just because he wasn’t dating anyone?

And he calls Max oblivious.

oh class started

shit

IDC IDC I'LL STILL BE READING

LEXI AND SELENA ARE AT THE ACADEMY

JACE HYPER FIXATING ON THINGS BECAUSE HE'S BORED IS SUCH A MOOD

“David and I added rosemary to this one,” Uncle Jace wiped his hands on his apron. “It has definitely improved the taste, hasn’t it?”

“Save me,” David mouthed from behind the man.

LMAO POOR DAVID

“Empty nest syndrome,” Rafael chuckled. “I’m glad neither Max nor I had to leave home. My fathers are much worse.”

He remembered his first sleepover at the institute. His parents had waited for “an excruciating hour” before crashing the institute and joining the sleepover themselves.

yup, that's them.

“David,” Rafael grinned. “Are you afraid of my father?”

“What? No! He is the just a regular person…who can throw me in the silent city any time he wants,” David rambled and then shook his head. “Where is Max?”

He tried to sound nonchalant. But Rafael noted the way the other boy’s eyes fluttered every time he said Max’s name.

Just the way a crooked smile appeared on his brother’s lips every time someone said David’s name.

Idiots

ok, there is so much to unpack here.

DAVID HAS A VALID REASON OK??

These two are such IDIOTS HUSDUHISCUIDSVCUIHVSDUHI

“Max said Bapak is biased, and that he needs an unbiased tutor. Uncle Ragnor volunteered,” Rafael chuckled. “God bless the poor man.”

“Max isn’t that bad,” David replied.

“Looks like you’re biased too, David,” Rafael winked and picked up a spare bow from the training room.

of course, he is.

G-FORCE KJHSDCUISDYUKDFSUYKDSVYUSFD

oh shit

oh shit

WHO DID WHAT THIS TIME

what's the rumor and who do I need to kill

He didn’t know her well. But she knew a lot about him. Just as she knew a lot about the twins. She was one of those people who was oddly invested in his life just because Rafael happened to the Consul’s son.

what is her problem?

what the fuck

I need a minute

I need a minute to digest that

I'm so glad I closed my camera in class

what the actual fuck did she just say

tell me I'm hallucinating

times like these I wish I was Jared 19

no, because I'm actually speechless right now

Paige and Irene need therapy

OH SHE WENT THERE

“Paige, that’s enough!” the Dean snapped at her. “How dare you talk to him that way? You talk about warlock corruption but where all of you when Valentine exploited Jace and Clary? Where was this moral obligation when Valentine lied to his children and played with their feelings as if they were nothing but toys to be controlled and manipulated? I’m sick of shadowhunters victim blaming children instead of holding people like Valentine accountable.”

THANK YOU

SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK SIMON

I feel like we all focus so much on the "incest" and hate on clace we forget that this part of the story was literally an abuser seeing that the victim was recovering and took the only thing which made him happy from him

I can't believe this

“Children have been suffering for a long time now, Paige,” Uncle Jace said now, his fists balled at his sides. “Where were you when Alec proposed the child protection bill? We didn’t see any of you supporting it.”

“We had other priorities,” the older woman replied. “People were dying! It was not the right time for a new law. We could have always signed that bill later. There was no rush!”

OTHER PRIORITIES MY ASS BITCH FUCK YOU

hey just realizing Rafael is the token straight

I'M SORRY IM TRYING TO DISTRACT ME

“The Cohort who made children kill themselves to prove a point?” Uncle Simon asked dryly. “That Cohort?”

I am so close to either crying or killing someone or both.

This was Max’s spot since it had the best Wi-Fi coverage.

yeah trust me I spend all the time in the guest room because it has the best wifi coverage or the study.

MAX IS SMOKING TOO

YOU FUCKING IDIOTS

oh wait

oh they might be alec's

yeah

For the next thirty minutes, Max paced around the room, threatening to portal all the shadowhunters to hell.

Then he went on about a plan to attack the cohort and portal them all to hell too.

He kept talking about portalling people to hell.

MAX YES LET'S DO IT!!!!

But here is the thing about people, they don’t get to you. You get to them.

They simply say something and leave. They probably don’t even mean the things they say or lose sleep over it. But it wasn’t the same for you. You obsess over it. You stay awake at night and let it consume your dreams.

YES! To others, it's just words. meaningless. to you, the effect can be so so deep. it's not easy to always brush them off.

NO MAGNUS

THAT'S IT

MAX AND I ARE PORTALLING PEOPLE TO HELL

WE'RE DOING IT

why do we hurt others?

my teacher: ill take a test on this chapter. all 20 units

me: softly crying because people are little shits and they hurt others.

“Fuck everyone else,” dad hissed. “They’ve hurt our family enough.”

EXACTLY. LEAVE THEM ALONE.

“I am simply being honest with you,” Dad interrupted. “I could never be okay when you are away from me. But I will manage. Max is going to raise hell though. So, that’s going to be fun.”

AS HE SHOULD

Neither Rafael nor Max would never admit it out loud, but on the day of that sleepover, on the day their parents had crashed the institute bcause they had missed the kids too much…Rafael and Max had been only a moment away from calling their parents to come pick them up.

He's right though.

it'll take time. lots of it maybe.

BUT THE ACTUAL AUDACITY.

It fucked with his mind so much.

Rafael...ALRIGHT WHERE ARE MY FLAMETHROWERS

“DAD! BAPA! WAKE UP! RAFE IS TRYING TO RUN AWAY!”

MAX REMINDS ME SO MUCH OF MY LITTLE BROTHER

He had forgotten about the bloody paperwork. Shadowhunters on their travel year had to notify the Clave and get their paperwork in order.

Well, it shouldn’t be a problem since the Clave was standing across the hall.

EXACTLY

Because it was killing him. It was killing him not to be lying on the couch, his head resting on his Bapak’s lap just like every other Saturday morning.

It was killing him not to touch, not to love, not to care.

GET MY FLAMETHROWERS AND CANNIBAL GOLDFISHES WE HAVE SOME WORK TO DO

(goddamn every class I have taken so far the teacher has told us there is a test coming up it's 9 am in the morning.)

His brother growled at that like the little feral animal that he was.

that's adorable actually.

“Fine,” Max rolled his eyes. “Does this mean I can also travel? There is a Twenty One Pilots concert in Sydney and-”

“Nice try,” Dad said. “But no. You are staying here.”

“Excuse me, but what about my healing?” Max demanded. “I’ve been traumatised by this thing.”

“You can go to therapy,” Rafael winked at this brother.

Therapy is boring but useful so-

He needed to survive this. So, he decided to go back to the place he had learned how to survive in the first place.

He needed to go back home.

UGLY CRYING WHILE TAYLOR SWIFT PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND AND MY HISTORY CLASS IN 2 MINUTES

I'm so proud of him for this...

I still say we kill these people.

JOAQUIN AND JULIETTE

UHISDCUIHFSDUGUIDFVDSDVFJHGDFVHUKDVHUKVF

Camilla Alvarez.

well well.

OH THEY KISSED

“Right,” Rafael had said. “Gap year. Besides, I do talk them. My brother threatened to paint my room in hot pink if I don’t text him every day.”

hands max a pint of paint HAVE AT IT

Max: Also – New Rumour. Dalliance between Lily and Tavvy.

Rafe: OMFG WHAT

Max: They are running with it and freaking old n*philim out.

AS THEY SHOULD UFUHIFUIHFUIHKFU

THE CENSORED N*PHILIM I'M SCREAMING

“He is hot.”

He laughed out loud. “Yeah. I hear that a lot.”

“Your dad looks kinda scary,” she pointed out.

Rafael laughed again. “Yeah. I kinda hear that a lot too.”

I'm liking this ship...

I'M STILL LOYAL TO THE RAFAEL AND ANJALI SHIP

but I'm happy for him. I'm glad he's getting the space he needs

Dad: Jst found legal age fr drnkng in Buenos Aires is 18.

Rafe: ????

Dad: I hv friends thr.

Rafe: ???

Dad: Thy r watchn u.

Rafe: Creepy but okay.

HJSDCGUIHJGSDCYUICVXUHVUHKDV

THE BOY'S DRINKING Y'ALL

Do it

MILA IS GOING TO NY!!

I like her. she's nice.

He was leaving soon. He didn’t see the point in lying to her. “I ran away from home. Kind of.”

“Why?”

“I hurt someone I love,” Rafael confessed. “The person I love most in the world.”

honey, it wasn't your fault... hugs

Shit. Why wasn’t Bapak going to the accords signing? He had been there for every single one since the very first time.

no no no no is something wrong?? I'm worried.

“You look taller,” Rafael told his brother who hadn’t grown an inch.

LMAO

Max and I are vertically challenged.

“Rafe, go to talk to him. Or I will tell everyone you’ve been smoking in the balcony!”

So, he was going to pin this on him, huh? This little shit.

well-

“You’ve progressed from freaking to fucking,” he pointed out.

“That’s not the fucking point, Rafael!” Max said in exasperation.

“You did it again,” Rafe pinched Max’s cheek. “My little brother is all grown up now. Linguistically I mean.”

“Dick."

I CAN'T WITH THESE TWO

When he had gone back to Buenos Aires, the place was completely different - even the shadow market.

There were no abandoned children in the streets. There were no racist and ignorant leaders exploiting innocent downworlders.

There was only growth.

His father had done that. Alec Lightwood had helped Joaquin and his people create a new world in Buenos Aires.

This shows how much people can flourish under good leadership if they really try.

YOU KNOW I'M SUPPOSED TO BE TAKING THESE NOTES DOWN, NOT CRYING OVER THIS.

“I will protect our family. I will protect our friends. I will protect those who ask for my protection. But I will not tolerate their hate. I will not turn my head and pretend it doesn’t hurt. Because it does hurt and that’s not okay.”

Rafael smiled at that. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s not okay.”

“The accords is important. But so am I. There is no point in signing a treaty that is meant to value equality if I have to sign it while being surrounded by those who refuse to respect me or my identity. I simply cannot do it, Rafael. I hope you understand.”

I'm sobbing like YES YOU DONT OWE THEM SHIT. THESE UNGRATEFUL BITCHES.

“It’s taken me a while to realize this. But I don’t owe the nephilim anything,” Bapak said firmly. “It’s about time they realize that too.”

YES EXACTLY

“I’ve known shadowhunters for a long time, Rafael. Good ones. Bad ones. All kinds of them – and shadowhunters have always defined themselves by their love. Not by your weapons. Not by your runes. Not by your last names. Not by your laws. Shadowhunters have always defined themselves by love. So, don’t ever let them take that away from you.”

I want this on a T-shirt. These damn shadowhunters and their love.

“Like the Accords Hall kiss?” Rafael grinned.

“It’s the stupidest thing your father had ever done – which is really saying something,” his father laughed. “But it’s also the bravest thing I’ve ever seen him do. And that’s how I knew.”

affectionate sigh that's alec.

“Good. Max is sitting in the porch and singing All by Myself,” Tessa chuckled and closed the door. “Just thought you should know!!”

Rafael giggled at that. “He must have given you hell.”

“Nothing I couldn’t handle,” Bapak shrugged, and Rafael raised an eyebrow. “Fine. I might have promised to buy him a car when he turns 18.”

“You’re hoping he would stop aging by then, aren’t you?” Rafael chuckled.

Max is so dramatic I aspire to be like him.

Blue banners when the lost return, the shadowhunter rhythm said.

Rafael had returned home – and he was no longer lost.

I'm ok I say as I cry during my history class

I'm so proud of him.

“Well, that needs to be rectified immediately,” Dad said in the Consul Voice and literally yelled. “I am about to kiss my son – on both cheeks! You better gossip about this too!”

“Oh my god, stop!” Rafael giggled and tried to escape.

“YAS!” he heard Uncle Jace yelled from somewhere. “GIVE US A FOREHEAD KISS TOO!”

THEY ARE SO DRAMATIC I LOVE THESE IDIOTS SO MUCH.

THEM ADDING TO THE ACCORDS AS THEY SHOULD OMG

“The hell is hate speech?” someone asked.

Do you not have a dictionary you uncultured swine

“There is a very clear difference between free speech and hate speech,” Cristina Rosales pointed out. “The fact that you don’t seem to know that is all the more reason for us to include this provision.”

YES CRISTINA

“By the angel,” an old man gasped. “There is no need to be so emotional. The younger generation can be such snowflakes.”

What if I just strangles him

“Discriminatory language?” a woman demanded. “What does that even mean?”

“Calling vampires bloodsuckers,” Lily Chen answered.

“Calling warlocks demon spawns,” Ragnor Fell pointed out.

“Calling werewolves fleabags,” Maia Roberts declared.

“Calling faeries half-breeds,” Kieran Kingson all but yelled.

The fact that they have had to deal with this shit for YEARS. (also why Kingson? isn't Kieran the king?)

THE QUEEN HERSELF IS HERE Y'ALL

“Which one of you shitheads said hate speech is harmless?” Anjali demanded, her voice booming over everyone and everything else.

YES ANJALI

Anjali had a grin of her own. “While that might true, Paige, there is most certainly a law on child protection. You didn’t just hurt Magnus Bane. You also hurt his son. Section 7 of the Child Protection Bill states that any person who physically or emotionally injures a child through ill-treatment, neglect, abandonment or abuse is guilty of breaking the covenant.”

“Damn straight!” someone yelled from the crowd – it sounded suspiciously like Kit.

CALL THESE BITCHES OUT YES

“Rafael is not a child!” someone yelled again. A lot of them this time. “It’s still not illegal. The law doesn’t say so!”

“By the angel, for someone who is obsessed with the law you people seem to know nothing about it,” Anjali said in exasperation. “The child protection law defines a child as a person under 18 years OR younger. The incident happened when he was still 18. It’s illegal.”

YES ANJALI FUCK THESE PEOPLE

“I’m the Inquisitor’s daughter,” she said. “Next time, think twice before you quote the law at me.”

SHOW THEM, QUEEN

How did she know his birthday????

ahem

“So, if you do hurt him emotionally, you can still be implicated. You will face charges and you can possibly be stripped of your runes,” Anjali pointed out seriously. “Now I ask you again. Does anyone else have to say anything about him?”

There was absolute silence then.

“Didn’t fucking think so,” Anjali spat. “I literally had to mention the stripping of your marks for you to respect another person’s basic rights. If you give half the value you place on your precious runes to other people, we wouldn’t be in exile right now.”

The Cohort looked terrified – of Anjali or their future in the Clave, Rafael didn’t know.

“People are dying,” Anjali said, her voice heavy now. “Our people are fucking dying, and you seem to be more bothered with who is sleeping with whom. Shame on you. Shame on all of you!”

She turned to the Council. The Inquisitor looked like he was going to cry from pride. Rafael’s dad looked half terrified but mostly impressed. Lily was blowing kisses at Anjali. The other downworld leaders looked quite pleased.

Shadowhunters are so fucking bigoted and narrow-minded. I'm seething right now.

also, alec looking scared-

“THAT’S THE BEST SHIT I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!” Emma Carstairs yelled.

“Goddamn, I wish Magnus was here to see this,” Uncle Jace grinned. “That was satisfying as hell.”

“No worries, I recorded the whole thing!” Kit put up his hand.

YES YES AND YES

“Fuck the Cohort,” Rafael giggled.

“Actually, I would prefer you use the word screw,” his father pointed out. “Screw the Cohort!”

“Oh my god, Dad!” Rafael rolled his eyes. “I am allowed to swear once in a while.”

“No, you are not,” Dad said firmly – this man was so not ready to meet Max’s new persona. “As your friend pointed out, you are still a child.”

Alec seeing Max curse left and right: 👁️👄👁️

"She hates me!"

“Rafael, she stood up for you in front of the entire Clave. She fought the Cohort. It was incredibly brave. I wish she had spoken to me before without causing all the chaos. So, it was a little stupid of course. But still brave.”

Stupid but brave.

YESYESYESYES IT'S HAPPENING!!!

ANJALI WHO HURT YOU

WHO DARED TO

Names. Give me names NOW

Jaime no...please no not Jaime.

please please, please

ok, I searched it up. And he can get treatment. He can live. It doesn't have to be serious. please, Jaime...

“If you ever tell anyone you saw me crying, I will drag you to Idris and drown you in Lake Lyn.”

This is such an Anjali thing to say.

OOO MILLA (Mila?) MESSAGED!!! Is there gonna be some sort of love triangle here??

me who despises love triangles (aside from TID of course): ...

BUT SINCE IT'S YOU I'M SURE IT'LL BE AMAZING. I'm still nervous about this though...

UHCUHDVUKDVHUKVHUVHM I LOVED THIS CHAPTER SO SO SO SO MUCH IT WAS A LITERAL ROLLERCOASTER AND ANJALI QUEEN I LOVE

see ya on Friday!!

OKAY I AM LOVING THIS ENERGY BUT PLEASE FOCUS ON YOUR CLASSES FJKSDFHJKSJFHKD I PROMISE THE STORY IS GOING TO BE HERE WHEN YOU GET BACK LOL.

But I am so glad you like it. Amidst all your screaming and chaos, I always find very perceptive and profound observations. It's fantastic! I love it so much!

Thank you for enjoying LBAF - and good luck with your tests!!!