#dont ask me what compelled me to make these i dont know either

[lemon-pilled]

happy pride gamers

[baberoe-archive]

top 10 insane bucky moments?

god where do i start.

perhaps basic of me but getting drunk and then saying he's fine then asking curt to punch him in the face and then howling. perhaps number one bucky moment for me. just absolutely falling apart. i hear that brother. do you ever think about how eps 1-3 he never really lets buck see this side of him. and its only when curt dies that buck is privy to it. yeah i dont think about that either

"maaaaaarge...." is to me far more insane than scissoring in the yard. like at least when he's provoking fights it can be written off as restlessness, but mocking your best friend for taking comfort in his sweetheart's letter with the most sickeningly jealous expression in the world AND right in front of everyone's salad.......... this man is a medieval peasant self-flagellating in the street.

trading his sheepskin that buck hated to go on his first mission after buck went down. he didn't even think about it he just saw jack and ran over and did it. and then when brady asked him about it. he just straight up said "buck always hated that jacket" bitch WHAT

provoking col harding for no reason unprovoked. in front of the men!!! his self destructive tendencies and distaste for authority compel me

also when he starts yelling at that nazi guard on the march. that's such a good moment i get the impression that most of what bucky does is (to some extent) calculated like he knows hes being a dick he knows he flying too close to the sun and thats what he wants yknow he wants to egg people on but this moment he just completely lets go thats the pure thoughtless rage thats been simmering the whole series. god.

offscreen moment (forgive me) but not letting them send bucks footlocker back to the states. and then the 100th kept it for a full year like what did he say??? how desperate was he that no one could bring themselves to move bucks footlocker after a year???

stalag baseball scene. when you put on your off-putting and hard to be around-sona because you feel yourself to be so abandoned and abused that any semblance of gentleness would make you bare your teeth and bite. when you want to bite. when you dont want to bite.

willingly got a dart thrown at his face so he could give his boy best friend a bike so they could bike around together. ohhh my god bitch. down so bad its pathetic

whatever the hell he did to get on the regensberg mission and also the regensberg mission in general. pushing one of the gunners out of the way cause they were going for buck. "reserve command pilot" or whatever. i know what you are.

i dont remember the scene exactly but before the mission when they are getting their gear and hes like "call me sir" and crank goes "none of the people we're bombing today shot down buck" and then he just goes. absolutely silent. nothing to say to that. outline in the shape of a person moment.

[sunfortune]

can I ask what bridgerton books you’ve read and if they’re worth it

i read “the viscount who loved me” yeeeeears ago. and it is still probably my fav regency romance novel. it’s not even perfect. i just loooved the characterizations. (they’ll NEVER make me hate you book kate) and i think the banter and slow burn in the first half of the book was SOOO good. and literally what so many romance novels LACK. bc insta-lust/love just doesn’t pack the same punch. i’m sorry

also i litchrally claimed kate as a women of color in my own delusions back when i was literally reading a standard White Ass Regency Romance Novel (BEFORE there was ever any show) bc i just loved kate that much. and was like WHOS gonna beat my ass⁉️ (this was after still star crossed lol) she was a woman of color. TO ME.

plus they described kate as “dark” and edwina as “fair” in the book a lot which i know just meant hair/eyes but i was like. slay! no take backs! LDMLSJSKSJ

(so despite everything about the way the show did kate i did absolutely WIN in that aspect)

next. the second book i read was “romancing mister bridgerton”. (again. this is before there was ever a show) bc i liked the little of penelope i saw in kanthonys book. but then. well. reading that book is when i realized “the viscount who loved me” might have been a fluke bc WHAT in the world. “romancing mister bridgerton” was just 350 pages of penelope getting dogged by the boringest MOST bitchless man on earth. the way she PINED for colin from literally page 1. PAGE ONE. but the book doesn’t spend a SINGLE second making him compelling in ANY way, shape or form was MIND boggling. AND THEN gave him the audacity to treat HER like shit⁉️

and the WHOLE TIME the book is like they’re friends to lovers btw!!! hehe <333. NO THEY WERENT! DONT piss me off rn. that man was NOT her friend. he was nice to her ONLY when he deemed her below him. and as soon as he found out she had success in something he didn’t, it was immediate disdain and disrespect for her. that’s not a friend?!

ALL WHILE! she falls all over herself bc of how bad she wants him. i wanted to get her the fuck out of her OWN romance when i was reading that book. i could not believe what it was selling as real true love. garbage

next. i was debating if i should check out another book after that mess. bc i didn’t know if the other were also bad. and eventually just decided to start from the beginning (moment of silence 😞) and pulled up “the duke and i” and then as im reading the synopsis i stumble on a review detailing the plot and that describes the actual sexual assault in that book that gets played off as romance.

aaand i have NOT touched another bridgerton book since

i Have heard eloise’s book and romance is awful by mutuals who have read them all. and benedict’s is not very great either. francesca’s book may be the only worthy follow up to tvwlm. those 2 are generally considered the better ones of the series.

i’m still recovering from the ones i have read though so wont be able to confirm any time soon

in conclusion:

the viscount who loved me (my best friend still idc. not perfect but very gorgeous to me)

romancing mister bridgerton (hot garbage. argue with your mother)

the duke and i (burning books is not always bad. it would be fine here)

[etherealspacejelly]

does anyone else find it really difficult and frustrating trying to infodump to people? like. either i just get going and they change the subject or they seem really uninterested, or they dont understand that i dont want to talk about the Facts about my special interest i want to talk about my Opinions and the way it makes me Feel

someone will be like oh hey infodump to me about doctor who. tell me some doctor who facts. and im like. ok thats great and i appreciate you encouraging me to talk about it but. i dont Know that many facts off the top of my head. what i Want to tell you about is how there are so many Ruby and Rose parallels and that the use of puppets for the Meep and the Goblin King and the Stooky Babbies was really cool because practical effects give the actors something physical to react to so their performance is more engaging and believable and how the platonic relationship between the Doctor and Donna is especially compelling to me as an aroace person and and and

you know??

but they expect me to be like. idk. rattling off facts about the series and the writers and the episodes and its like. no!!! i dont want to tell you exactly how many episodes the weeping angels have featured in i want to tell you that Blink was really creative in its story telling because it barely features the Doctor at all!! and the scene where Sally talks to the recording and the conversation finally makes sense is so cool and interesting!! and we really get to know these characters over the course of just one episode and then we never see them again!!

its just so Frustrating because i want to infodump so bad all the time but i hate feeling like im boring people or that im infodumping Wrong and i always end up being the person everyone infodumps to because im a really good listener but when i do it i always end up either talking to myself or writing about it on tumblr.

i just. idk sorry for the vent im just kind of upset because i was really excited about the new doctor who episodes and a friend invited me to talk about it and just. ended up asking if theres ever been a character with my brothers name because there was one with my sisters name and now im upset because i dont know!! and i dont care!! thats not what i wanted to talk about!!

ugh

i think i might be on the verge of a meltdown and it feels so stupid but. this Always happens

[narwhalandchill]

how are we feeling about this project amber update

assuming this is in relation to childe bc who the fuck else JWDJWJKDJKW anon im so sorry if not. also so so sorry for how out of hand this got. i am simply unwell about him.

But! Well. there certainly are thoughts

(obviously 4.6 datamine of arle SQ and her voicelines; This Will Not Spoil Anything Abt The Main SQ Plot, i only discuss the relevant parts. also some p Heavy negativity towards fanon ooc at the start youve been warned dont @ me)

(i mean i didnt even read anything of the SQ but The scene w childe so idek the main plot of the quest rly either lmao. tho go at ur own risk if u wanna check the dialogue out; its the 2nd quest log but it does hint at the greater story)

TLDR: how i feel abt his appearance in a vaccuum? quite solid despite the briefness, actually. accounting for the way fanon is 100% likely going to be reading into this and turning it into the Lets Infantilize Ajax Even More 2024 championship? conflicted.

in other words; a certified labyrinth warriors moment - theyve expanded on childes character in a very interesting and quite a compelling way and while i Do like the potential in what im seeing from hoyos end theyve also done it so that its going to be misinterpreted to hell and back by fanon so i kinda have an immediate jaded love-hate moment going on JJWJDKJDKJWJDWKJ

its literally just labyrinth warriors flashbacks - that event has some of my ALL TIME favorite insights into who ajax is and how he views the world and himself but when the event came out all everyone cared abt was to warp it into baby boy stuck in scawwy paper boy dungeon dehumanizes himself by calling himself a weapon and doesnt love himself he is such a sad trauma meowkitten 🥺🥺so yeah

bc like lets look at this properly for a bit; okay he went back to fontaine to look for skirk still somewhat injured and waa waa my 286 month infant baby cannot Make decisions like that!!!!!11! which is to say. i am tired of him getting this shit every time.

is it smart of him to get on the move immediately with just the bare minimum of rest? no. do i like that hes straining himself before proper recovery? not particularly no. do i feel the particular need to psychoanalyze this grown man and feared warrior whos 100% survived Way Worse in Way More Extreme Situations for it? hell fucking no.

while not at all the course of action a medical professional would approve of. from childes POV its perfectly logical hes priorizing going back for skirk when its literally the FIRST TIME shes showed up in like. a Decade. when hes been looking for her all this time are you kidding me 😭😭😭 but fanon must keep fanoning for their widdle baby girl so what does a hater like me know

anyway. seething and venting over im gonna try to avoid bringing up how much i hate this kinda infantilization of ajax now im sorry for bringing it up so much on ur innocent ask anon KJWDJKWKJDJDKWJKD. neutral discussion moment. i Promise

so it seems that theyre going for the pulcinella-is-shady-about-ajax (and prolly his family) angle for good and like. personally for me as long as the only real source of that claim was scara (a cynical edgelord who doesnt believe in non-exploitative human relationships, mind you) i was rather skeptical towards just instantly drawing that conclusion, but well. with the scene in arles AQ it appears to be sth theyre building towards

i actually really fucking loved that scene bc while theres outsider perspectives (scara obvi; and even arles line for him has that vibe. and ppl still take that shit face value 💀💀) and a lot of fandom assuming childes like. completely clueless and naive and ignorant towards the potential risks involved with trusting pulcinella. this is actually a very clever demonstration of quite the opposite? and showcasing how despite his aversion towards schemes and lies hes still intelligent and knows the kind of people hes dealing with when it comes to his fellow harbingers

like. childe has a negative opinion of arle based on what pulcinella has told him about her because at face value many of her deeds are in heavy conflict with his values of loyalty and family. and because he does not have the further context behind her actions and what the HotH under her is really like. Obviously hed hold a very hostile and wary view towards arlecchino

(ESPECIALLY when with all this biased intel hes still going to run into kids from the house!!! and then hes going wtf? these are good kids. what the hell is that knave doing with them??? blink twice if you need help i will start a civil war for yall like thats how he is with kids!!!!)

so YES. pulcinella has given him if not false then at least misleading intel based on the political tension between himself and arlecchino and the wider HotH. and childes taken that at face value! sure! he is close with pulcinella of course he would!

BUT. THEN. he returns to fontaine and seeks arlecchinos help looking for skirk. and observes her behavior and modus operandi for himself as well as the kids. does he go "nah she must be just hiding the crazy evil shit i would never distrust pulcinella" and leave it at that when reality doesnt completely match his expectations?

NO. because when offered the opportunity through the traveler asking about the HotH childe immediately capitalizes on the opportunity to prod for answers and see if pulcinella is lying to him!!!!

and hes so fucking smart with the way he does it too???? i LOVE his intelligence. the entire thing is so simple yet elegant; it Completely relies on his reputation as the kinda gullible harbinger whod Never scheme or hide Anything to indirectly affirm or deny his suspicions. he doesnt Need to Pretend to care about the possibility of arle betraying the kids bc he genuinely does!! and when she pushes back against the accusation he doesnt Need to fake admitting to her that well, actually, its all just rumors so he could be completely wrong. and so on. like he navigates the entire thing so effortlessly. and whats the end result?

childe has Confirmation of pulcinellas possible ulterior motives in action AND that arlecchino is a much more reliable ally than he initially assumed. all the while appearing as just The Straightforward 11th. like obviously id need to hear it voiced first to be sure but in text it v much gives the impression hes almost kinda just. playing up the threats towards arle and being "dumb" on Purpose?? to get the answers he wanted out of arle without appearing like hes fishing for anything particular. and i just hhhhhhhhhhh

i love when he does this so muchhhh!!!!!! 😭😭 he doesnt need to become some machiavellian schemer to be able to strategize !!!!!! he avoids scheming bc he Dislikes it not bc hes incapable of it like this has Always been the case Since Liyue AQ and i love whenever they show that side of himm . my Beloved

so anyway. while i do still think the like "pulcinella is bad and has his family hostage" is still kind of a generic plotline and i hope the writing regarding the whole thing wont ultimately turn out to be sth That simplified and black and white. its p clear theyre doing Something with pulcinellas motivations and as they are. im Really glad theyre letting it show that childes not just some completely passive party being manipulated in this all. he Is thinking abt this stuff and his position among the harbingers. ig we shall see where it goes - not the greatest fan of the concept still, but canon text supports it becoming a thing way more than when it was just scaras word we had for it. hope theyll surprise me positively w how they go about it!

then briefly for the rest uhh

also loved arle and childe just shittalking the rest of the harbingers it was amazing. i wasnt expecting this kinda dynamic between them at all but its great lmao. also i wanna see childe hang out w the HotH kids

as for project stuzha; so we dont really get anything solid on it other than being summoned back to snezhnaya for it is apparently a Big Deal. but still very interested. let my man have his endgame significance Trust

childes appearance was obviously v brief ultimately but that was clear from his leaked linecount to begin with - i am pretty satisfied with what they seem to have done w him. like its not The Best but also i wasnt expecting his lore to get some massive expansion in another harbingers SQ . the worst i feared was that it was just going to be a flashback of arle returning his vision which did Not happen so massive W. i am super hyped to hear this scene voice acted proper and happy to see him again, i really hope he gets to appear at least once more in an interlude or dains quest or something before going on hiatus again but idk if thats too much to ask LKKWJDJWDJWD

also: i am never changing my namecard after this patch drops. oh my godddddddd its So Fucking Beautiful 😭😭😭😭

But. Yeah. lots of good stuff. unfortunately lots of it will get misinterpreted and fanon will get obnoxious about it. but i still love getting to see him again and i am speedrunning that namecard day fucking one mutuals and/or followers in EU please add me (UID 711090267) ill need coop buddies for the world bosses

thank youuuuuuu for the ask i hope this monstrosity of a monologue doesnt scare u off 💀💀💀

[crookedkryptonitebeliever]

Best and Worst of both Worlds (part 1)

Tw: yandere oc guy, but i dont think this chapter shown that yet, but readers a fuckin stalker loser this time, university horrors

Okay guys so this story im literally pitting Yves and Montgomery together, gonna be a little slow burn but we r gonna get 2 da conflict like eventually

Also da settting in university cuase its da most relevant 2 me 💯

Enjouy

PART 2

He's so beautiful and ethereal. The man has been plaguing your mind for the entire week, you're being distracted from your assignments just because of this unbelievably gorgeous man with silky, long hair and dressed to the tens.

You grinded your teeth and scratched your skin, you know where he frequents. The university's library. And you obviously want to get closer to him after he caught you from falling. You slipped on a sheet of paper that you dropped and this mysterious stranger was there to catch you by the waist before your body could make any devastating impact. Unfortunately, your stacks of textbooks and other miscellaneous documents were scattered to the ground.

"Are you alright?" He asked, his voice was smooth and pleasant with a unique, suave accent to it.

You were reduced to a nervous, stuttery mess. He gently brought you back up to your feet, he helped you gather your things and even arranged it by size and weight, so that it would be less likely for it to topple over. The man took a further step to smoothen the frizzles of your hair, fix your collar and sleeves. He even zipped your backpack up, you were unaware that it was open in the first place, adding to your embarrassment. You couldn't really push him away because your arms are occupied with your belongings.

It was hard to look into those stunning emerald eyes without flustering yourself even further, so you looked away while you stammered a "thanks" to him.

"Be careful." He said as he tilted your head by the chin to make direct eye contact. You know that you're as red as a tomato, but he didn't comment on it. The man lets you go before walking away, he fixed the handles of his luxury bag on his shoulder. Luscious curls bouncing with every step.

You felt like you wanted to explode right there and then, it took you a while to regain composure, other university personnel wondering why you're just standing in the middle of the path like that. Aren't you tired of holding all that stuff? It looked heavy.

You were snapped back into your senses when someone who you assumed had a bad day, told you to get out of the way. You scurried along the traffic, having the incident fresh in your mind.

You wonder who that man is, a student? A professor? A staff member?

You came to know that he's in the library for a few hours every weekday afternoons. He doesn't have a particular spot, the mystique spontaneously appears in random but fairly secluded reading spots in the library.

You felt like a stalker, but that's what you are. Too shy and afraid to talk to him, yet content with watching from afar. His ears are covered by his hair, so you don't know if he had any earbuds in. Fuelling your hesitance to make any contact first.

He could be reading a thick novel, handwriting something down on his notebook, or he could be typing away on his sleek, black laptop. In either instances, you have no idea what he's doing, it's either in a foreign language, full of numbers or completely made up of technical jargon.

You don't know why you're doing this instead of studying for your midterms. You're never like this to any of your crushes, not this obsessive over a real person, so why now? What compelled you to become this... creep? It's like you can't stop. You're scared of rejection but you can't get rid of the butterflies in your stomach.

You had no one to talk to about it because university is a very lonely place. At least, for personality types like you. You didn't want to bother your other friends, they have their own problems to worry about.

It reaches a point that you tried following him out of the library, wondering where he will go next. Before you could step past the automatic sliding doors, you looked at the book in your hand.

'Wait a minute, this is fucked up.' You thought to yourself. This isn't like you, exams are in spitting distance and you're subjecting this poor person to this harassment just because of a singular interaction.

You made a 180⁰ turn and marched back to your all-time favourite seat. Which happened to be occupied by the stranger earlier, maybe that made you a little peeved because you "claimed" it first at the start of the year. But he took it for the day.

To your surprise, there lies his notebook on the ground. He must have accidentally left it. You picked it up and looked around to make sure the coast was clear, then you flipped through it.

You were blasted with numericals, diagrams, words you weren't sure if it was written in English or otherwise and even floorplans of a building of some sort. You couldn't understand anything.

"Excuse me."

You whipped your head to the whisper. It was him! Your blood ran cold as he caught you snooping through his item. You opened your mouth, but no sound came out.

You struggled to form a coherent sentence as you pointed at it, you're done for, you're going to be confirmed a creep. But he only watched you with the utmost patience.

There came a point where you gave up, placed the closed book on the table and pushed it towards him.

Luckily though, you didn't have to say another word.

"You found my notebook. How careless of me to have dropped it." He pulled a chair opposite of you and sat down. You watch him place his handbag on another chair.

He elegantly picked the journal up and slid it into his bag. You were sweating at this point, the dread is about to make you vomit on him and that's not great. You wished that he would go away now, but seeing that he's locked onto his seat, it's highly unlikely.

You prayed hard for it though, he finished his business for the day. There shouldn't be any reason for him to linger.

"Thank you for keeping it safe. I hope you found whatever it is you were seeking from me." He continued, crossing his legs and resting his hands on the table.

What.

You asked what he meant by that.

A teasing smile made its way to his rouge lips.

"You were watching me." You grew pale and you scrambled to explain yourself, but he raised his index finger to signal you to let him continue.

"Your tact could be improved upon; I could see you trying to hide behind the shelves, I could hear you mumbling to yourself, and you shouldn't think so lowly of yourself." He propped his head up on one elbow.

Your cheeks felt hot. That is true, you were berating yourself for being too wimpy to go ahead and talk to him. You just didn't think you were that loud.

"I would have enjoyed having a chat with you. I wouldn't have thought that you were-- and in your own words, a 'creepy, loser-freak'."

Oh. He heard that too. You wish that you could disappear this instant.

"I'm flattered that you thought highly of me. However, I was disappointed that you thought that I was intimidating." He pouted playfully. "I won't bite." He twirls a lock of his hair around his fingers.

Your nerves are frazzled as he leans in. You didn't know what to say or what to do. He seemingly picks up on that and continues leading the conversation.

"Let's start with names. Tell me yours and I'll tell you mine." You felt his shoe brush against your leg.

You almost forgot your own name as you watch the bead of sweat drip down your nose in horror. He must think you're a stinky slob.

But all he does is stare straight into your soul while drumming his fingers against the table.

You told him your name, with a severe stutter. Each passing second felt like a serrated knife slicing through your flesh.

He repeated it, syllables rolling through his tongue wonderfully. He pronounced it correctly on the first try despite your cripplingly anxious enunciation.

"Yves." He replied. Finally, you have his name. You're totally not going to use that to dig for more information on him.

"You have a beautiful name." He complimented.

You nervously returned the compliment and let out an awkward laugh. Trying your best to ignore the growing sweat stain between your pits.

"How charming of you, (name)." He stood up and pushed his chair back under the table. Yves collected his bag and turned his attention back to you.

"I'd love to talk longer, but I must go now. I believe you have an exam to prepare for. Best begin your revision now, I hope our brief conversation has helped to quell your worries."

...and you mumbled that part about yourself too. It's pretty safe to assume he heard all your thoughts.

Yves extended a manicured hand to you. Taking this as a clear request for a handshake, you accepted it.

Only for him to bring it up to his lips, tenderly and fleetingly kissing your knuckles. This entire time, his piercing gaze never left your eyes.

You wanted to claw yourself out of your flesh and die out of embarrassment.

"Study well."

He lets your hand down and presses it momentarily with his larger ones.

You watched him saunter away with his back turned against you.

You brought the back of your palm to your sight.

There is a faint, reddish tint on it. It must have been from his lipstick.

You're not sure if you ever want to wash your hand after this.

[davekat-sucks]

Okay! Hi! So I have something fun to say! I read the anon talking about Karkat being headcanoned as ace. It made me remember the person who runs this blog saying Dave is uncomfortable with sex. I have a narrative reason as to why Dave would be uncomfortable with sex. Two actually! I decided to reread a certain chapter and I realized something. It’s big! The biggest scoop this fandom has ever had!

I think you guys would love it! The fandom is going to have a rude awakening someday. You guys are going to be SO HAPPY! Let’s watch this thing burn down together and hold hands singing Kumbaya My Lord Kumbaya! Fuck I’ll bring stuff to make s’mores!

This me going off about the homestuck epilogue DaveKat scene again and there is some brutal topics covered in here, you’ve been warned. I imagine Dirk was in control of the some of the narrative when Karkat and Dave had sex. I think Dirk had a lot of control over what happened but not all of it. Free will is still a thing. Here is Dirk saying as much! He says he likes using persuasion!

Did you guys catch a certain part of this when reading it? The non stop animalistic fucking part I mean. That’s weird to say about your family. Moving on.

Dave and Karkat don’t really admit that they like each other romantically… seems like they don’t want to. Right that’s what the fandom must have picked up on. It’s hard for them to date because of the Ace/Aro thing. Or. They DONT. They don’t want to date. They never did. They’re forced to. In meat, it looks like Dirk just wants Dave to top this guy.

Here. Read what Karkat says.

Then Karkat says “I’m glad you’re my friend.” “I don’t have to wonder what is missing!” Karkat doesn’t have to wonder what is missing! We’ve got everything we need here! But wait! they’re not just friends! They are… best… friends? Karkat sounds unsure of what to even say here? He sounds like he doesn’t know where this is going. What he’s even being pushed to say. He said what he meant already. Dave is the one asking him if they are more than friends.

Look. If someone with the powers of a god is compelling them to talk about their feelings and this is the most Karkat can say, it means there is NOTHING ELSE THERE. Dirk is losing his shit here.

Here’s an excuse! “Maybe relationships isn’t a thing Karkat does!” Hold on to that thought Dave! If it makes you feel better about having animalistic sex with a guy! I’ll come up with anything to make you think that.

“HE WANTS IT! YOU WANT IT!” Karkat wants it! You want it too, Dave!

It’s nothing to worry about Dave! You two can do it right here on the couch if you want! Please want that! I mean he loves you so much! See you two are so so so close! He’s going to bust it open for you! Dave he wants it! Dirk wants it. He is excited at the idea of it. Karkat doesn’t seem to care and diving into Karkat’s head to convince him he loves Dave isn’t Dirk’s goal. Karkat falling in love has nothing to do with anything. Why would Dirk even care? Dirk only cares about Dave having sex here. Dirk isn’t really influencing Karkat either, he doesn’t get into his head at all.

I don’t know how much Dave wants Karkat. I’m not able to really discern that. Though I wouldn’t count this as a confession. Dave is drunk! Or at least tipsy. He has someone else chatting in his head. He can even hear hear what Dirk is saying.

Dirk is saying all sorts of things in Dave’s head. Dave is stressed to the point of sweating. What was Dirk going to say before he was cut off? A threat? It sounded like a threat. Is it supposed to be encouraging!? Either is fucked!

The let me do this myself bit reads more like an act of defiance. Let me see if this is right or not, Dirk! Though if you’re under the influence and someone has been fucking with your mind to fill it with what they want for you, do you think that isn’t ABUSE?! Brainwashing? Do you think Dave is being lead to believe Karkat actually wants to date him? I think all of those things are true here.

It all reads like Dave and Karkat are forced together. Like that’s even what the writers are trying to fucking say. It reads like they are spitting on the couple and using them as a narrative tool. Someday in the future they have to address Dirk and Dave’s relationship.

When I read this line it conformed for me something I was certain of before and I’m certain that is what is being said here. I think there is a clear reason as to why it was put into this chapter. What Dirk’s intentions are. Read it and see if you can catch what I’m going to point out.

There it is. This is what the epilogue is going with.

Born again virginity. Dave didn’t have his virginity before he died at 13. Why even bring up a line like that if meant nothing. If was a joke?

Why was Dave willing to pay Dirk respect for killing himself in Candy?

For that matter! Why is Dirk so into Dave topping some guy? Isn’t Dirk a bottom? Why is Dirk so into talking about his son and/or brother having animalistic sex with one of the few male characters left alive? Karkat is someone the fandom would have loved to see Dave end up with since they smiled at each other once in Act 6.

So. Here’s what I want to get at. The to long didn’t read version of what I wrote!

What’s the two narrative reasons Dave doesn’t want to have sex?

1. Dave doesn’t want to have sex with someone if Dirk is just going to come into his head and get off to it.

2. Dave isn’t comfortable with having sex because of unresolved trauma.

What was the scoop? The big scoop that would tear the fans apart?

Karkat and Dave aren’t in love. They never were. Karkat wanted to say he appreciated having someone who put so much faith in him. It meant something to him. He said he feels content with that. He doesn’t have to wonder what is missing.

Karkat is Dave’s best friend. They are close. I love that. I want them to have a normal relationship, but they don’t. And they can’t. Even the running for president plot line was introduced so we could have Dave backing Karkat and giving him support. But that, once again, may have just been the narrative fucking with them, setting them up to have a moment like this. This is the problem with meta fiction. How much of this is the characters? The writers? The gods overseeing them? They have Calliope and Dirk picking at these assassinated characters like vultures. Just like how Calliope had John and Terezi get with each other in his dad’s car. John might have liked her but he was dying in that moment. Narratively, that was setting Terezi up to want to bring him back to life. To think they could be lovers in some way, and maybe they can. I don’t know. How much of that was John being fucked with? This story is a horror story. No one here is happy. Nothing here is good. Nothing is clear.

The one thing I am sure of is that born again virgin line meant something. Dave was holding onto his new founded virginity. Maybe he didn’t even feel comfortable saying he liked men because that is like saying he might have in someway enjoyed what Bro did to him. Maybe he didn’t want to have sex because of a terrible experience he had. Maybe the writers of the new homestuck content will pivot, maybe they will undo all of what is being set up here. But why do that? They like the drama!

I can see them containing with this theme. Dave was molested before homestuck even started. That is what is being said here. Bro molested him. Dirk feels horrible for it. He wants Dave to be the one to decapitate him too, like it’s closure.

The true to long didn’t read is basically this: Dave and Karkat is only canon because it’s forced. The writers are even announcing it! Thanks for the years of us having to listen to people falsely celebrating DaveKat! Now we’re going to just sing our hymns and celebrate their destruction.

That actually makes sense. It is fucked up if all along that Ult Dirk and by extension Hussie, WhatPumpkin, James Roach, HICU, and the fanbase itself, are forcing the two without their consent and they can't escape it.

It was so obvious from the start and yet people accepted it for what it was. This kissing in the laundry scene now gives a different meaning now that these boys did not actually want this but are forced to anyway without their say.

[heyjude19-writing]

Putting nostalgia aside, what in your opinion makes dramione greater than other Draco pairings? I love both equally personally, but I’d love to know as time has gone on, I now myself have a preference which i now gravitate towards on the basis of their“technicalities”.

So putting aside the nostalgia, what tropes, characteristics of each, do you find more fascinating or more unique in either pairing?

(Usual disclaimer that I'm a "ship and let ship" person and all fanfic portrayals of these fictional characters are valid, this is just a silly, long-winded opinion 😘)

Hmm, I don't think I would say it's "greater" (everything is subjective) than any other pairing, but if you're asking why dramione has remained my favorite, it's simply because I find them the most compelling. We get a lot of hermione in the books, sure, but as we're in harry's head for almost all of canon, i found myself interested in exploring her character and all its glory and flaws without the veil of harry's pov. I adore her intelligence, of course, and her capacity for kindness, but she can also be ruthless (keeping Skeeter in a jar, Marietta Edgecombe), unflinchingly pragmatic (her disdain for divination, wiping her parents' memories), and morally grey when it suits her interests (every book, y'all, every book she is breaking/bending rules with harry/ron).

I'm not going to even attempt to dig through my past asks because tumblr searches are terrible, but I've written before about Draco's unfinished and unsatisfying canon narrative. He is set up several times over to have a somewhat forgiving arc but ultimately it falls flat and it's a stupendous waste of potential for an on-page redemption. It makes him a fantastic character for fanfiction at least.

And so I prefer dramione for what it makes these two confront about themselves and each other. They have shared trauma, or at least overlapping trauma touchpoints, that can lend themselves to some gutwrenching conversations. A relationship, a friendship, fuck even earning the right to breathe in Hermione's vicinity is going to require a lot of soul-searching, apologizing, unlearning of hateful rhetoric and probably a fuckton of therapy for draco. I dont view dramione as opposites so much as complements and there's a vast potential for drama and angst and these two seem really intense in their desires to succeed in the world as very loyal, tightly wound, ambitious over-achievers.

I don't know honestly, it just makes me happy to think about them happy together. Put these two in some situations and let them kiss.

I adore drarry too of course, but harry and draco's animosity is often focused on draco confronting personal conflict/differences vs their ideological differences.

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

i'm on my aspd izaya bullshit again but like. thru this lens, isnt his arc a perfect encapsulation on how aspd negatively affects the person that has it? even to this day, many professionals do not believe that pwASPD suffer from aspd. like at all. to the point where aspd was specifically listed as an outlier to the "patient distress is what defines a disorder" rule in an abnormal psych textbook

(see why i don't respect the field?)

but... he does suffer! a lot! like- remember his speech to mikado at the end of the first arc? how you need to keep evolving, keep changing in order to escape the mundane? how you have to keep going and going and going, wether it be aiming high or low?

yeah. normal people don't need to do this, izaya. you are a broken person.

but why SHOULD he be content with the mundane? the things people usually have that make them content with daily life- friends, family, a purpose, a distinct lack of extreme chronic boredom that drives you to do completely insane shit- izaya doesn't HAVE any of that!

"wait, chronic boredom?" i hear yall thinking. maybe. "isnt that an adhd thing?"

more than one disorder can have the same symptom. theres like a billion that have "want to die" as a symptom. but i dont really blame you for not knowing, its not talked about much

studies have shown that aspd and adhd are both problems with the dopamine receptors in the brain. more specifically, adhd is a chronic deficiency of dopamine, whereas with aspd, when you DO get dopamine, your brain gives you quardruple the normal amount.

studies have ALSO shown there to be a sort of... adhd to aspd pipeline. the story goes like this: you have a kid with adhd. maybe they're born like that, maybe the symptoms developed from trauma (which can happen? apparently??) anyway. kid gets abused. kid develops conduct disorder as a result of that abuse, as a natural extension of the existing adhd symptoms. they're MORE impulsive, which leads to them hurting others- and if it sets off the dopamine receptors, an abused kid starving for happiness and power is gonna chase it, no matter what. theyre like, six, they dont know anything about like. morality. all they know is, theyre sad and this makes them happy. anyway kid never gets treated, abuse continues to exasperate the symptoms, and now you have an adult with aspd, AND the original adhd diagnosis! and ptsd, which is HIGHLY comorbid with aspd! and probably another personality disorder, because you're actually statistically more likely to have two of them!

anyway! that's ONE of the ways aspd can develop from trauma, which it is Known To Do.

does any of that sound pleasant to go through? at all?

let me ask you a question:

imagine you aren't getting dopamine. maybe it's your adhd. maybe you're depressed. either way, you try to get it any way you can. wether it's throwing yourself into a hobby or a job, so the sense of satisfaction gives you dopamine, or something like drugs or gambling.

now, imagine that "rush" you felt. was Four Times Stronger.

wouldnt that compel you to do increasingly dangerous and risky shit, just to feel okay? imagine if you had no friends. imagine if this was your only way to be happy. wouldnt you, eventually, stop caring about others and only care about yourself? after all, other people have thinga like friends and a family that you don't have. they have a fallback. you only have this.

and you might say, "i'd never do that!" but every addict says that, and most eventually cross that line out of sheer desperation. and this? effectively makes you into a dopamine addict. which is dangerous! you can't just STOP... gettng dopamine....! it's necessary! but you have no help so you keep doing what youre doing. (and how could you get help? its baked into the system that people like you don't suffer. why try if youll just get burned?

anyway, back to izaya.

he's lonely. he has one friend and he sucks. he feels compelled to do these things even though he KNOWS it'll hurt him.

i stole this screenshot from some1 who insulted my friend once for something stupid <3 die

but it illustrates my point very well! does it look like he has much control over things?? he sure like to ACT like he does, but at the end of the day, he doesn't, really. he ends up spiraling more and more, doing increasingly risky and rash things, just to get his end goal... which is to die and ascend to the afterlife. a lofty goal.

aiming high, isn't he? a final, spectacular evolution.

or, it should have been.

but it wasn't.

izaya's impulses and deep desire to continue becoming more and more drastic, coupled with his lack of personal ties to anyone that could keep him from doing so....

it didn't make him ascend. it left him in a wheelchair, with chronic pain that will last his whole life.

THAT is where mental illness takes you. it doesn't make you a hollywood psychopath, reveling in the destruction you chose, of your own free will, wholly and truly, to cause. it makes you want More. no matter what, you need More. you see people content with lives worse than yours, everyone bound together with some sort of invisible thread, some sort of tie that keeps them together. a thread that missed you. your brain refuses to see people as people, thus you remain lonely forever, unsatiafied wirh company other than the superficial, because it's fun. that's all you're allowed to care about. an endless cycle of bigger and bigger actions, impulses slowly getting worse--

--and the worst part is, it tricks you into believing you ever had a choice. it tricks everyone into believing you had a choice. your suffering is worse than disregarded, to all the people you look at from your apartment, all the people you wish you could have been like.

it's nonexistant.

[trekkele]

I recently saw the post about Jason and Cass not having to get along, and how that adds to their dynamic.

So I was wondering, are there any other interesting facts/headcanons about relationships in the Batfam?

Your own or some you simply stumbled across?

Because what frustrates me is the absolute lack of nuance in relationships in a lot of in most of Batfam centric fan-works.

The extent to which people write Bruce as either an absolute peace of shit, or as someone who will kiss his kids feet and beg them for the slightest bit of attention

(this being the supposedly "good" parenting- which… No? That ain’t it)

Because something I find incredibly compelling about their dynamics is the absolute loyalty Bruce often on the receiving end of.

Even when they are on terrible terms, if Bruce calls, they answer. (Usually, of course there are exceptions)

Some interesting facts/ideas about their relationships I saw were;

Dick hating Jason back when he was Robin. (Because they all a bit possessive of the Bat/insecure about their place at his side)

Tim not being Jasons fan even before the murder attempt (I read somewhere that DICK was the Robin Tim admired, and that made much more sense to me)

Cass and Dick having a tense relationship because Cass can read and understand Bruce so well, when Dick was the one who knew him best for so long.

Alfred and Bruce having a slightly more complicated relationship (I‘m so sick of 'perfect Alfred makes no mistakes' I swear. If Alfred had been as good a parent as everyone pretends (in comics or fandom) Bruce would at least be a SLIGHTLY more well adjusted individual)

Sorry for the rambling- I kinda got away from what I was asking 😅

So yeah, anyone else you feel has a more difficult relationship than fandom would have you believe?

All the kids with the justice league, and specifically Clark.

No listen hear me out, Bruce’s big possibly life changing injuries? They happen with the league most of the time, because thats when he’s fighting a minor god or a sentient star or whatever. But thats also when all his allies are super powered people, thats when he should be safest. Instead he keeps coming back from league missions with close calls and broken bones.

And Clark especially, what do you mean your best friend is Superman and your arm broke in the three places on that last mission. Where was he??

Alfred and Clark having a 😒 relationship is always fun too, because while kids wont see it or realize it Clark has absolutely witnessed how Alfred parents Bruce and how … less then ideal it can be.

Kate and Alfred, because of backstory reasons (did Alfred do nothing to keep the Kanes in contact with Bruce?? Why??) and also because it would be funny.

Cass and Jason is a good one and it makes so much more sense then the usual “cass loves her big little brother uwu” because i think what Cass would love about Jason would be stealing his weapons and hiding them and watching him lose his mind. Stop bringing guns into her dads house he doesnt like them and its his house.

I think. Oh this is going to be a hot take. I think Bruce resents when Tim tries to patronize or parent him. You know exactly what i mean right, that very specific flavor of infantilization you see in Tim-and-Bruce fics where Tim is a genius brilliant boi and Bruce is just led around by the nose? Hate it and i think Bruce hates it and knows exactly when Tim is trying it. Does he look like Jack Drake?? No?? Good because he was getting worried. (Bruce loves Tim. He loves how much Tim cares. He does not love how Tim thinks caring means permission to run his life).

Another hot take, i dont think Alfred and Jason got along as well as they did until after Jason resurrected. I think baby Jason treated Alfred the way Alfred treated him, so more like two people living in the same space who mutually respect each other them like grandparents. I think Jasons death and his anger at Bruce and Dick made him want/need a neutral person to project his happy memories onto, and Alfred was that person.

Duke being wary of Jason and Red Hood - because he remembers how many people lost people to Red Hood when he first arrived, and i dont care what comics told you there is no way he did what he did without collateral damage.

Damian and Dick should have a messy, complicated, resentful relationship. Damian wanted his father, no matter how good a replacement you write Dick as that isnt what he wanted. Dick also wanted his dad, and he didnt want to be Batman or a parent or any of it, and the fact that Bruce was actually alive and if hed only moved faster, if the JL had only been smarter, if someone had been paying attention, he never would have had to do any of it. And im going to he so honest right now the way fandom writes their “good” relationship is so bad sometimes. I hesitate to use the word toxic because yaknow its been done to death but seriously.

Anyways i think i hit enough hornets nests here, but will leave with, good parenting does not always look like you think it should. Allowing your children to violate your boundaries, always taking full responsibility for mutual miscommunications and misunderstandings, and never letting them suffer consequences for actions they take is just setting them up for failure.

[spidermanifested]

❤️💙💖🏳️‍🌈 for FMA. Lay those unpopular opinions on me

oh im feasting today thank you so much

❤: Which character do you think is the most egregiously mischaracterized by the fandom?

see. just by VOLUME id say probably mustang? because he has so MUCH fan content out there and so much of it makes him either a suave cool seductive sexyman or a tragic wet beast whos never done anything wrong. so percentagewise i think itd be hard to compete

However. if we're going in terms of whose personality ive seen get just absolutely mangled to the worst degree. and i think thats whats being asked here. Pppppprobably hohenheim or scar. scar because of racism. and hohenheim because nobody knows how to be normal about a well intentioned fuckup of a parent so instead he has to be literally the devil i guess

oh ling also gets done super dirty as well. people forget that his Airheaded Entitled Royalty act is in fact an act, BUT at the end of the day hes still fifteen years old so he can still be a little dumb and reckless despite being great at strategizing. these layers are apparently incomprehensible to those who want to flatten him into "goofy fun sunshine boy" or "thats basically a grown man right"

id mention the way the women and girls of the series get treated but honestly they either seem to get ignored, Hashtag Girlboss Queen'd and THEN ignored, or made into romantic set dressing for the guys. which is unfortunately too par for the course as far as fandoms go for me to have any kind of novel commentary on it. Sucks Out Here

wiat theres another one but i dont know if im allowed to say it. im scared

💙: Which character is not as hot as everyone else seems to think?

mustang again

💖: What is your biggest unpopular opinion about the series?

HONESTLY???? just going off how my posts on the subject were received im going to have to say its "maes hughes was really conservative and kind of sucked". people did not like that one

🏳️‍🌈: Which character who is commonly headcanoned as queer doesn't seem queer to you?

hmmmmmmmmmmm. trying to rack my brain thinking of one. honestly there isnt really any character im immediately compelled to point at and go CISHET even if i dont like them because im a big enough person to admit that my fellow lgbts can be pieces of shit too. i am not a fan of olivier armstrong but shes definitely a lesbian and roy mustang is bi and deep in the closet and him and hughes had Something going on in boot camp #diversitywin #loveloses

maybe jean havoc. i know some people ship him with mustang, i have nothing against this demographic, however my personal read on havoc is just a larry butz type individual who at most tried to "go gay" out of desperation one time but found out it doesnt really work like that

[shigayokagayama]

I think one of my only nit picks about Mob Psycho is I do wish there was a moment Mob voiced his opinion on Teru. I feel like the story does a good job at getting across how he feels about Ritsu and Reigen but not really him?

Like, i wouldn’t consider them super close or anything. And I feel like you can def gather an idea of how Mob feels about him (generally a good friend who’s also very helpful, perhaps even a similar “admiration” he has to Ritsu where Ritsu has a lot going for him academic wise and Teru is someone popular with girls and has a confident attitude) but I guess I just wanted a little more of his own thoughts? I’m not sure how to put it but I think about how in the guidebook he has a lot to say of Ritsu and Reigen but for Teru he’s like “he has a good fashion sense”

Obviously a big part of Mob’s character is he doesn’t speak his own opinion a lot and the story hides his direct thoughts a lot and it makes him interesting as the story asks you to try to understand him and what he’s thinking and who he is.

But there’s a layer to their relationship that I thought was really interesting and I guess I wish it came to light more?

Both are important to their respective development being the first psychics either have met. Their relationship is focused on the idea of strength but also a wake up call to living in reality. Teru has to accept living a life with more then his psychic powers despite hating that part of himself and Mob has to accept that he can’t just suppress his psychic powers forever and that they’ll always be a part of him no matter how much he hates it.

I think there’s something super compelling about someone seeing you at your lowest or what you see as your worst or perhaps they bring out the worst in you but your relationship with that person. And sometimes its easier to do that with people youre not super close to because showing your flaws to the people you hold really dear to you is hard and you’re so scared of disappointing them. I get reminded of that idea

I do think it’s there it’s just subtle and I love subtle! I think Teru himself is a subtle character in a lot of ways.

I wanted to know someone else’s thoughts on this though or what they think of their dynamic cause it’s on my mind sometimes sugwusbwj

oh i totally agree with you their relationship kind of fascinates me. i believe i remember reading an interview where one said that if mob wanted advice for stuff dealing with his powers he'd probably go to teru but dont quote me on that bc i dont actually remember where that comes from.

im so glad we got confirmation that they still hang out afterwards and just seem to both be physically incapable of making the first move ("you should invite me to hang out more" INVITE HIM YOURSELF TERU!!! MY GOD.) because the ending of the manga left it sorta ambiguous and the idea of teru drifting apart from the singular friend who he has an actual emotional connection with has been haunting me since i first finished the manga. like, i know he does hang out with the awakening lab kids and presumably teru and the spirits and such gang sometimes, but those are all people whove only known the teru that is working on bettering himself and considering how adverse teru seems to the idea of getting help (see him rushing into every situation on his own and getting his ass kicked) i cant imagine any of their conversations would ever turn to the problems hes had in the past and the problems hes currently dealing with. i mean, reigen only knows about terus parents because he was in the room when teru explained his situation to mob.

[irrealisms]

Mu Qing for the character asks?

How I feel about this character

MY BOYYYYYY my perfect beautiful boy EVERYONE HATES HIM. AND FOR WHAT. every time i think about mu qing i think of this post which i am just now realizing i have not reblogged. i should fix that. anyway i am always thinking about this post. EVERYONE HATES HIM AND FOR WHAT!!!!!!

All the people I ship romantically with this character

xie lian (one-sided miserable pining since they were teenagers). also hua cheng (proxy relationship slash self harm). also feng xin but NOT the way literally everyone else does it. they should also be having a proxy relationship slash self-harm sort of deal. i have accepted that i do not in practice ship fengqing even though it is not theoretically impossible for people to write it in a way i ship bc nooooo one is writing it in a way i care about at all. also im informed by reliable sources that someone is writing jun wu/mu qing and im So Ready To Be Sold On This (this is also for proxy sex reasons imo. all ships with mu qing have to be about xie lian or else Im Not Interested)

My non-romantic OTP for this character

also feng xin and xie lian! i am wildly compelled by the xianle trio relationships whether romantic or platonic, i don't have strong feelings either way tbh

My unpopular opinion about this character

did i mention earlier. that i don't ship fengqing. because i don't ship fengqing. everyone makes them into generic side couple doing Slap Slap Kiss tsundere blackflirting and i dont. enjoy that or get anything out of it or particularly see their canon interactions thru that lens lol. yesterday i was going thru the mu qing tag to try and find fanart for a friend who also is a mu qing fan that doesnt ship fengqing and guys it's dire out here. such a notable majority of all mu qing fan content is fengqing and i dont even hate the ship in principle but i wish it were not so everywhere

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

honestly i don't know that i have anything here! mxtx gave me literally everything i wanted. not even in the mdzs way where i'm going "okay i respect this as an ending but it makes me sad"! i got everything i wanted!!! as much as fanworks can be frustrating for me, a mu qing fan, canon is so beautiful and full of endless joy

(ask game, give me a character)

[mihai-florescu]

i think i feel pretty similar to you in that the world is terrible, depressing, it sucks. that’s it’s natural state and we will always return there. but i thank that even though it hurts there are ideals unhampered by reality, stories we can create where that cycle ends for a moment in a happier direction. it isnt our job or duty as there isnt any grand purpose like that, but there is an opportunity out there to create a story with our lives. whether it’s a well known story or lost by the wayside, those who acknowledge the layer beneath the cheery “reality” that is peddled can be writers of their own. i might be delusional and there really is no hope but i hope to create stories for people to enjoy that elusive dream in if only for a temporary respite and cant give up until i well and truly fail. i don’t know if any of my thoughts speak to you in any meaningful way, but i felt compelled to share as while i think we share beliefs we seem to have come to rather different conclusions. i want to give my life to a story, an art, that will hold ideals the real world can never truly embody and thus cannot really give up as every taste of the real reality only strengthens my resolve. is there something like that for you? i’ve read your blog for a while and in my mind (which is an inexperienced mind so I apologize for sharing its fallible perceptions) you seemed like a fascinating person who holds ideals the world refuses to embody and is slowly sinking under that weight. i know it’s not really my place, so i apologize for my audacity, but i believe that you are the sort of person who can create a true happiness for yourself eventually. well, i mean i kind of have to if i believe that for myself. i have more to say, but it seems this is become a ridiculously long message. i apologize, my words likely have crossed between ideas and lost sense at times. i hope they help, or at least don’t harm. i hope you find loveliness loveliness in your day as you deserve it.

I've been journaling about this yesterday... my entire outlook on life i guess? I know i used to be creative and make projects that i found fun, but i cant find this drive in me anymore, i'm more than ready to give up (if only upset at the way it ended so im pressuring myself to make a good Last Project, but nothing is good anymore. It's all so...plain. useless. banal. there's no wit or multilayer to anything i can come up with anymore. I cant develop an idea anymore. There are enough stories, enough artworks, plenty of them bad, theres no need for me to add to it). Im sure it's just burnout stacked on top of depression and general worsening misanthropy and paranoia, but i don't think i will ever feel more hopeful again.

However i do think art, literature, games, even just stories from other people are keeping me grounded. They're also humanity's only redeeming quality - imagination will save our souls... but my position isn't to be an artist anymore, i cant spare the energy and i dont see a point in it either. I cant do a single basic living thing anymore that others seem to be able to do? I very much feel like an npc trying to do my most necessary tasks as best i can, failing more often than not. I hate getting asked what i'll do on a day off (it used to be often at my internship. I dont even want to imagine what they thought about me, that's another can of worms that still haunts me and contributed to why i became like this). The answer is quite literally Pretend I Dont Exist. I will not do anything. I cant do anything. I stop existing the second you stop seeing me, im just in bed dreading the next time i have to be human. I think when other people say they didnt do anything it's a hyperbole, but i can go weeks, and i have gone months even, without leaving the house, if i wasnt expected to.

Part of me wants to think, hope, i could maybe even get interested in making things again if there was no expectation for me to be a person for a few years, completely disappear off the grid (the expectation to be a person that just doesnt come natural to me anymore... and a specific one at that - achieving goals and moving forward, working, with ambitions or any sort of drive, young and energetic, an only child with a good education earning a living... i despise the idea of making money. I despise consumerism too. I want to fund artists, family owned restaurants, bookshops, cafes, and i do, i spend so much money without realising, but i'm really worried i'll run out and not be able to make any to survive once im older and wont get funds from my parents anymore. So i try to save and fail... My family friends, same age or even younger, are buying their own cars and apartments, successfully working multiple well paying jobs at the same time, with plans for the future...? Id like to know both how and why. How do you have the energy and why do you care. But even if they tell me the answers it doesnt change how i feel in my own life)

But this also has skewed my perception of other people... it connects to how i dont actually understand friendships anymore, im sure i mentioned it recently. Like with being an artist, there was a time i did understand and had deep friendships, i think, but it's quite alien to me now? In the way im not real until i have to interact with someone else, and even then, debatable, theyre not real to me either. Like i know this isnt a good mindset to have but it's either everything is real and i genuinely believe we need to disappear, to put an end to this sad species soon, or nothing is real and everyone's just playing a role in a story i get to watch. In a way taking away people's humanity and making them characters in my head is out of kindness, im being delusionally optimistic and quite frankly parasocial even with "friends", but it keeps me floating, stable. Ish. Still kind of empty but entertained enough. But then actually having a conversation outside my head with them is scary, unpredictable... on good days that can be fun too. My roommate always says i end up on side quests a lot if i leave the house, i think im just open to witnessing new stories... just on good, no, great days though, i cant stress that part enough. Great days are getting rarer and rarer. Most days pass by while im in bed and in my head trying to process anything, where i can barely have a coherent thought, and i wait for the day to end. Today was good for example but i still didnt manage to do anything to earn me the title of person, yet it was good because i 1. Ate, and 2. Didnt cry.

The part of your ask that hit me the most was when you said i seemed like a fascinating person, past tense. Im sure i was, but nowadays im very little even a person. Cant be helped. I hope i managed to explain how and why. If you ever want to share your art, my dms are open, i can maybe tell you about my gallery of failure wips i cant stand to look at anymore. I saw the followup ask with your personal info but im not quite sure what else to say... even this ask took too long to answer and now i need a nappp

[fiyero3305]

the world was literally ending, him and diego were the only ones to show concern for klaus at all. he went to check on klaus and then found out about the breifcase, which would obviously piss him off because they couldve used it to their advantage to save them. if he failed, klaus was going to die in a few days anyway

a lot of fives actions throughout the series can be explained by the fact that the entire show literally takes place across like 20 very stressful days for him, instead of years like the others. yet, he still makes time to be there for his family

hes obviously not perfect especially his past (murdering people) but i dont think you can spend 40 years isolated in an apoctolyptic wasteland without coming out like. a little bit messed up.

if his actions are not motivated by his love for his family, genuinly, what is he motivated by? thats like, the entire point of his character. hes willing to do anything, literally anything, to get back to his family and save them (and the rest of the world, but that always seemed like a lesser priority to me) from the apocolyspe.

the only time his shows what looks like a lack of concern for his family is when they are going to die either way. im pretty sure he counts victor as too far gone towards the end of s1 but thats because victor will die in a few hours either way, and he has too count his losses to save the rest of his family

if he just wanted to save the world, why involve his family so much? from his point of veiw, they only seem to slow him down. the first thing he does arriving in the 1960s is try to find his family. hes already abandoned 2 timelines for their sake. the first time is out of necessity, but the second time he decides to take his family and leave, instead of fixing the 1960s timeline.

his love for his family is like. the entire crux of his character im afraid. hes kind of a neurotic, unpleasent mess most of the time *but* he loves and will do anything for his family. thats what makes him a compelling character

I want to start by saying, I'm not here to convince you that my interpretation of Five is right or that yours is wrong. The love you have for the character is yours and I'm glad you have it :)

Since you asked, his consistent belittling of his family and dismissal of their opinions and concerns, even if for a good reason, is not a show of love. There are many abusive relationships that have affection in them, but are unhealthy because one person in the relationship believes that whatever they have going on is more important than the other's, or that the other person(s) can't help them because they aren't smart or skilled enough.

Re: Klaus and the briefcase, he doesn't really have a right to be angry with Klaus for destroying the briefcase when he never respected Klaus enough to include him in his plans or share his knowledge with him. Remember, Klaus destroys the briefcase before Five tells them the apocalypse is coming. He has no idea there is an impending doom that time travel would be crucial to helping, <I was wrong here, see comments> nor does he have any reason to believe this briefcase does anything but transport someone into the middle of the Vietnam War.

As I said in my post, I believe Five cares about his family, but his disrespect for them prevents this care from maturing to actual love, at least at this point in the series. He wants to save them the way someone may want to save a pet. He doesn't see them as equals who can contribute to the mission, but as precious things he has to care for. As you mention, from his perspective they only slow him down. If there were people in my life who I saw as nothing but impediments to my goals, I don't think I could in fairness say that I loved them above all else.

I don't think we can accurately say that he will do anything for his family because there are a few things he won't do for them. He won't slow down his Apocalypse mission to listen to and get to know them. He won't be completely open and honest with them about the severity of their situation from the beginning. He won't include them in his plans if he's already deemed them useless. He won't hear their input and make any changes to his plans based on what matters to them.

I will grant you that these things make him a compelling character, but I don't think I've ever argued against that. What I've said is that I don't like him and even while making a conscious effort to have more empathy for him, I still find a lot of his actions to be worthy of critique.

[swallowtail-ageha]

Hey what about

2. A canon or headcanon hill I will die on

16. Deepest darkest secret they won’t even admit to themselves (i know it’s gonna be oblivious maybe)

49. Favorite toy as a child

For Maria, Gehrman and Laurence

Ask from this post

Maria

2- Ok, i might have complained about it with infinity but she is not a good person!!! She is not heroic!!! And thats what makes her compelling!

Reducing her to simply heroic lady who is sad (and for what exactly since people just tend to remove her share of blame in both the hamlet and the research hall 🤔🤔) is a huge disservice to her character (albeit this is an opinion i see more on reddit and barely see on tumblr anymore since people who think like that are either blocked by me or have me blocked lol)

16- That part of her actually enjoyed taking part in bloodshed! I assume she was very brutal, both as a knight and as an hunter, but didnt think much of it or tried to rationalize it until. Well. Yknow.

49- Waaah i actually think that she was super into those porcellain dolls. She was a very lonely and isolated kid, and she projected that need of company and warmth onto them. This is also a thing that makes the plain doll situation of her even more ironic

Gehrman

2- He didnt want to fuck the doll guys. Guys i swear it isnt that funny of a joke guys. Guys the doll doesnt bleed cum please guys learn to make jokes that dont involve sex guys

16- Ok actually his feelings for maria because i think he felt both paternal instincts towards her but also he wanted to fuck her and like knew it was wrong because it was his several years younger pupil and never actually acted upon it and genuinely respected her as a person but also. It Was There and him dressing the Doll in childlike clothes were also partially a way to distance himself from those feelings and lean more on the paternal aspect of the thing

49- i actually think he was too poor to have any real toys growing up so he'd make up for it by using quite literally anything as a toy with the power of ~imagination

Laurence

2- Hmmm... that he did found the healing church and was alive to rule it. There is a theory that is taking foothold that the church started after his death but. Eh. Him being the leader makes it a story 10 times more compelling (and also him being dead before the start of the church would make a giant timeline headache regarding the research hall)

16- Heheheh that he knows he is miserable and has been slowly pushing away from himself everyone else, and that anyone who personally knew him long enough doesn't really like him as a person anymore

49- if i have to be honest i have no fucking idea lmfao. Always struck me more as that weird victorian child who spoke in riddles and foresaw his death instead of playing