#dont know what the solution to this is. but i do hope the author figures out a solution in a later book

[13lizardsinatrenchcoat]

Aghhhh The Sweetness At The Bottom of the Pie is my favourite mystery novel but I feel like I cam never recommend it on account of the racism.

[otto-von-stirlitz]

Hey I just came across your English wikipedia misinformation on Poland, Polish people and the Holocaust post and I have to mention that those aren't the only articles that have been filled with blatant misinformation in a project that's been going on for over a decade now. And it's the same strategy - to rewrite history to make it seem like the events in the last century including WW2 weren't as bad as they were presented originally. There've been groups of people on reddit that managed to figure it out, and it's hundreds of pages of North Macedonian history in the last century. The person doing the editing is allegedly hired by our neighbor's government - Bulgaria, because that's what they've been editing. The Jewish population that lived here before ww2 was deported by the Nazi Germans and Bulgarians (because they were on the same side), but the english language pages are completely different from the truth - going off on a tangent on how they were the rulers in the region and just followed the rules (making it sound like they didn't wanna deport anyone). Except it spans about a century of misinformation. This bit with ww2 is just a small part that the public here is familiar with too.

That edior has been reported numerous times, and hasn't been banned which is why the people that have found him think he's probably a govt hire (or multiple people using that single account because the editing schedule looks like a work schedule). Anyway, I really have no solution about this, I just wanted to share that it's not just those pages that have been turned to garbage.

Thanks for the heads up, and judging by post replies to my post, this kind of issues about history of countries/regions that anglocentric mods will not catch/care about may be widespread. and its hard to verify, like i (a polish person) dont know much about bulgarian and north macedonian history and my first fact-check instinct would be to go to wikipedia (in contrast i know, eg, that the author of paper i linked is a historian specialized in polish attitudes abt and involvment in holocaust). tho id be interested in reading the reddit expose and i hope this issue reaches the arbitration commitee and admins one day.

also yea, basically all "history" is telling a narrative and its always good to ask who is that narrative benefitting.

[mazeinthemiroh]

Hiii! Before i request I hope you're doing well and you're talking care of urself 💞. Okay, so this might be a bit of a weird rqst but im on my period n i just thought of if my tampon gets stuck 🥲so i wonder how skz would react for you told them that happend, as a prank. Keep in mind, if this topic makes you feel a kinda way, you dont have to do it but if you agree, take your time. Thank you Stay😭💞

stray kids reaction when their s/o plays a tampon prank

genre: crack, suggestive?

word count: 0.8k

warnings: mentions of periods/tampons (obviously), cursing

author's notes: don't worry this topic doesn't make me feel uncomfy! as a pad-wearer, i have only ever heard of such concerns with tampons. i think i would share the same concern if i used them, and i know you're not alone in feeling this way. anyways, hope you enjoy this!

bangchan

best boy channie did research on periods and sanitary products because, you know, he loves you and wants to be well equipped with the knowledge to help you out! so when you tell him your tampon is stuck he's concerned. he starts packing an emergency bag full of idk sanitary products, medicine, snacks and a stuffed toy probably. "we need to go to the hospital, now" he will say and grab your hand, dragging you to the door. "chan i was only joking" you say with a chuckle as you pull him back. he stares at you in disbelief "why?? oh my gosh y/n seriously, you got me all concerned!"

minho

your first mistake is ever thinking you can prank lee minho. "babe my tampon is stuck." "oh." oh? wdym oh??? you try and keep your cool because you know he knows lee knows about tampons so his lack of response kinda pisses you off. "that's bad." "well no shit-" "anyways want to order some pizza," he says with a very nonchalant expression. throughout this whole time he hasn't looked up from his phone once. "do you not care about me," you say, half angry half sad, giving him a pouty voice. "i know you're lying you idiot. i always know when you're lying because you suck at it."

changbin

he takes it as a challenge tbh. "do you want me to help? i might be able to get it out." "wtf no???? no way." "WHAT I'M JUST SAYING I'M STRONG, IT MIGHT BE WORTH A TRY??" he says defensively, before folding his arms and looking thoughtfully, trying to scan his mind and figure out a solution. "well what do we do?" he says with a slight pout, mad at himself for not knowing how to solve this. with changbin you manage to string the prank out for a long time until he finally catches on that your lying. then he just looks at you like -_- while you laugh at him.

hyunjin

this drama llama is malfunctioning big time. "are you gonna die??? oh my god, oh my god." he shoots up from his seat and starts flapping about the room like a maniac. it takes everything in you not to burst out laughing. grabs the phone to call the emergency services because he doesn't know what else to do?? "hyunjin stop!! don't do that, you crazy person!!" "but yo-" "i was only joking. it was a prank!" you say to him with wide eyes, a nervous giggle coming from your lips. let's just say it takes a couple of hours for pouty hyunne to stop sulking.

han

he kinda freaks out about anything to do with periods. anytime you mention something period-related he's a bit 😖 not because he is ignorant or anything, it's just a bit out of his comfort zone for now. so when you tell him your tampon is stuck, he's a bit like :0 doesn't really know how to react. "o-oh, uh... that's... that's great honey." "wha- no jisung its a bad thing 🧍" "OHHHH oh no that's not good i'm so sorry baby :(" you end up just laughing your ass off at his totally random reaction.

felix

your superior acting skills make it seem like it's a really bad situation and felix is obviously super concerned, poor baby :( he feels so unprepared for this but also so ready to help. will do anything for you, just say the word. "does this mean you have to go to the doctor? i will come with you :(((" his kindness and worry makes you instantly regret doing this prank on him because it wasn't worth seeing him so concerned and upset. you must give him lots of cuddles and kisses when you tell him it's a prank, and tell him he's the best boyfriend ever <33333

seungmin

he's honestly more confused than anything else. will keep asking question after question about this. "so it's stuck?" "yep." "how did that even happen?" "it just did. the string broke, it happens sometimes." "but it's dangerous isn't it? it needs to come out." "that's correct." then he's just like 🧍‍♂️ he has no idea what to do so just stays silent for a bit, sort of avoiding eye contact with you while he stares off into the distance. you end up rolling your eyes and just telling him, and he does not look impressed!

jeongin

jeongin doesn't have much experience with periods in general. like he certainly knows they exist but other than that his knowledge is pretty limited. so when you come to him all like "my tampon won't come out", at first he's like wtf is a tampon?? and then clocks that it's something to do with your period and he's like, "oh... is that... a bad thing? it's a bad thing right?" and you just look at him like?????? "yk what nevermind," you sort of give up on the whole prank.

[agippang12]

ONEUS mafia!Leedo reaction to gender-neutral reader wanting to break up due to “differences” but reader actually knows he’s mafia

Content warning: make out scene, yandere leedo, he a lil crazy, kidnap scene, the most out of place humor I've ever written in my life, and someone please take my notes app away from me.

Authors note: so I was working on a request but my hand slipped and I accidentally wrote another ONEUS mafia imagine- I'm not super proud of this but I needed to write. anyways let me know if you want a part 2 or this kind of thing with another memberʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

（´(ｪ)｀）（´(ｪ)｀）（´(ｪ)｀）（´(ｪ)｀）（´(ｪ)｀）

For Leedo, the past few days had been horrible. Previously, when he had made plans with you, something would come up with his work. Being such a large part of a gang in the city wasn’t exactly easy. He was in charge of territories; specifically expanding them and keeping others out of them.

But now you are the one canceling all the time. You aren’t answering calls, barely texting, in fact he can’t remember the last time he saw you face to face.

Leedo is upset, but mostly scared. Did you find someone else? Do you still love him? These thoughts have been running through his head 24/7. He paced around his office, before stopping, his arms folded in distress.

He had enough. Leedo had, had more than enough. He is going to find you, and he is going to bring you back to his arms.

You have been staying at a friends house the past few nights. You have been dodging Leedo’s calls, not reading his texts, and hoping he won’t come looking for you. You’ve started noticing things about Leedo that are leaning towards the dangerous side. He doesn’t talk about his work, he has hidden safes throughout the house, and most importantly, his name matches someone in the ONEUS mafia ring. Though everyone only knows his name, you have more than a sneaking suspicion that dangerous man is your loving boyfriend.

You saw each text he sends, though you dont open them, and they’re getting more and more frantic.

“Baby, please respond.” 12:31AM

“If I did something wrong let me know! I’m sorry!”

“Where are you?” 1:01AM

“Babe, just tell me where you are!” 1:17AM

“Where are you.”1:30AM

They’re getting shorter, sterner, and quite frankly, you think he already knows where you are. Trying to decide between going somewhere else or staying, you find the solution. You can just break up with him with “differences” or “you lost the spark” as an excuse. He doesn’t need to know that you are aware of his actual job.

There is a knock at your friends front door, and you already know who it is. Your friend looks at you, as if asking if they should open the door or not. You inhale, bracing yourself for how he may react. You really don’t want to hurt him but you don’t see any alternative. You exhale and give your friend the go ahead.

Leedo attempts to hide just how scared he is. But as soon as he sees you behind your friend, nearing the kitchen but still slightly in his view, he pushed the door open. His hands are shaking and his eyes slightly teary, though later he will most definitely deny it.

“There you are!” He exclaimed, “I’ve been so worried, I was looking for you everywhere!”

He approached you and wrapped his arms around you. You nervously smiled, but you didn’t hug him back. He backed away, still keeping close to you.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen?” He looked you up and down, looking for any possible issues.

You didn’t quite figure out how you were going to break the news to him, so it looks like you’ll have to go with the flow.

“Leedo, about that..” you started, “I’ve been thinking about us.”

Leedo knew what was coming, he almost sensed it. But he can’t let you leave him, not for any reason. He can’t live without you, even for a second. First, he needs your friend to leave. Then, he needs to find a way to make you stay.

“Oh. Could we speak about us alone?” He questioned, slightly looking in your friends direction. Your friend had just been standing there, seemingly ignored by Leedo up until this point.

Your friend looked at you, to make sure you’re okay with that. You nodded, it’s understandable to be uncomfortable talking about breaking up in front of someone else. Your friend went to their room upstairs.

“You were saying?” He gently placed his hand on your shoulder. He has his other hand in his pocket, and he was getting ready to put his plan in motion.

“I don’t love you anymore, Leedo.” You look him in the eyes and see the pain he’s feeling.

“Like, absolutely?” It appears he’s in the bargaining stage of grief. “Because I can do better! I can make you love me again!”

Leedo was getting more and more frantic, and he started cornering you against the kitchen counter. Both hands on either sides of your hips, he leaned in.

“Should I show you?” His breath was heavy on your lips. “How much I need you? How much I love you? How I will do anything just to be with you?”

After seeing no resistance on your end, he met your lips with his. His hands covered yours, and he pulled your arms over his shoulders. He deepened the kiss, and you weren’t complaining. At this point you completely forgot what you were saying. Leedo is an amazing kisser. He knew the exact rhythm to make you weak. And the occasional flick of his tongue over your lips, oh he knew exactly how you like to kiss. He put one of his hands on your jawline, and gently opened your mouth further. His other hand reached into his pocket, pulling out... something? You quietly moaned at the feeling of his tongue on yours.

Then you heard you click and felt something cold on your wrists. You immediately remembered what you were doing and tried to look at your wrists, hoping it isn’t what you think it is. But Leedo didn’t let you go. He put one hand on your jaw to keep it open and his other hand on the back of your head, pulling you to him. Trying to put your hands on his chest to push him away, you realized he did, in fact, handcuff you.

“What the-“

Leedo pulled away, both of you are breathing heavily. He smiled, and you tried getting the handcuffs off. He pulled you towards him and locked his arms around you. He has such a pretty smile for a man who’s kidnapping you.

“What the absolute who-put-something-in-the-punch frick do you think you’re doing?” You shouted, struggling against his hold. This man has the biceps of a wrestler or even a Greek god, but gosh darn it, you need to stay focused.

Leedo knows your friend is still upstairs, so he covers your mouth. Can’t have them interfering. He takes off his tie and ties it around your mouth.

He picks you up, in a similar fashion to a sack of potatoes, and starts heading out the door.

Leedo is smiling so hard at the thought of having you home, and all to himself at that.

You were struggling but it wasn't much use. He handed you to men in suits whom you assume are his lackeys. They open the back door of Leedo's car and sat you inside.

Leedo climbed in front and heard your friend screaming your name in surprise, looking for you in the house, before realizing what had happened. Even if they called the police, the cops couldn't do anything against him or the gang.

So, you returned home under the watchful eye of your boyfriend, who pretended as if nothing happened. He is desperate for you to stay with him, even if he has to kill someone.

He loves you, he needs you, and he only has you. You can't leave him, he'll make sure of that.

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket, Se3, ep 12 (Part 1)

The aftermath of the curse lifting~ Btw, the timeline is super messy. Flashbacks & background stories aren’t this anime’s best tool, it’s always felt messy when they attempt that. more on it in my side notes below. Now into the ep~

-Yuki & Machi: ( Blossoming Love!):

I love that the author attempted different direction of romantic love with yuki/machi that suits yuki’s personality! Opposite to kyo/tohru who had the (from best friends to lovers/ from roommates of 3 years to lovers). Yuki & machi’s love is based on natural crush & while she isnt his best friend, she’ll be his lover & they’ll know each other after dating. Both types of love are realistic & have their own path of dynamics, which is clear with how yuki/machi will be interacting & how kyo/tohru are now interacting since becoming official. I’m still bummed most of yuki/machi’s “noticing each other” is supposed to be off-screen, it robbed me of seeing yuki interact in a normal teenage-boy crushing on a girl which contrasts his relationship with kakeru, kyo, haru & tohru. Now, we’ll start the “ official-boyfriend yuki” stage! Also, this jump to confessions didnt help machi have any uniqueness beside being saved by yuki’s words from her trauma. watching her interact with him normally would’ve added realistic depth to her being a normal girl with unique cute quirks differently from tohru, Isuzu, kagura or even motoko!. Oh well~ moving on & focusing on the meaningful cute confession. I loved that altho there were a hug & a kiss, it didn’t have “ I love you” statement. You know they (will) love each other so dearly, but they’re in stage 1 now, she just called him by his first name for the first time! cute! I love that the emphasis is on the “ first name” calling since this is a huge key to yuki’s identity & struggle. Also, It is cute she bought a gift to tohru! This is a set-up to a healthy relationship with yuki since she isn’t jealous from a precious woman in his life that isnt related by blood.

-Moving towards the future: Kyoru’s final stage of growth!

By Kyokoy’s grave Kyo & tohru had key moment of growth & healthy closure to their core character issues::

1- Kyo’s toxic habit of running from life became a desire to run towards life!: While this habit is rightfully excused by his trauma, it needed to be addressed once his curse broke. We know he stopped running & faced his dad, confessed to tohru, accepted her love, embraced his crazy desire for her & accepted he deserved to be loved! Even ran towards tohru, chasing her! However, all the above is him running to the good current life in his grasp. He needs to run to the far away future this time! Needs to plan for the good & accept that the bad is part of it. struggling is part of life & he’ll endure it together with her, while enjoying life’s rewards.

I love that kyo is the one who suggested moving out to another city/place, cuz kyo was the one NOT living. He was long dead & trapped in the cage of his guilt & self-loath. Tohru at least was living thro helping others ( which is not real living but at least it’s better). Kyo was “ Mom, why didn’t you kill me instead of yourself?” ,“ I’ll kill yuki & then kill myself, would that please you, dad?!”, “ I cant forgive me, I dont want you to forgive me, tohru”. Walking on a road of self-destruction & slow death. But now, with tohru he wants life!!! all of it!! travel, learn, see, struggle, fail, succeed, build their own future by themselves.

I love that kyo didnt take tohru’s approval for his plans for granted. He really didnt think she’ll accept right away. He didnt even want her to dedice quickly, He was prepared for compromising to a better solution for them both. They’ll work other possibilities “ if i’m gonna live in this world, I want to do it with you”.

I love that kyo was real abt the obstacles ahead & didnt want tohru to just follow him based on love. He wanted her to decide on her own as well. He also, left the door open for her to change her mind anytime & this screams support & understanding!! Very powerful!.

2- Thoru’s toxic habit of being ashamed to desire anything for herself, living for others & wearing a happy “i’m okay” mask while concealing her true feelings became confidence, self-clarity & honesty: The tohru who was smiling while concealing grief on the beach is gone, the tohru who kyo had to coax her to “complain, be selfish” se01,ep5, to “not hide worrying over a relative’s sickness” se02, ep14 “ cry if she needs to” se3, ep6, is now telling kyo her honest opinion abt his proposal, while thinking of her own self as much as him & even objecting to his sentiment abt her mom’s words!!!!

I love that tohru is now a confident free woman making her own decisions based on self-honesty & communication with her partner. She wasn't just “okay” with it cuz he wants it while putting fake smile, No more of that. Now, she’ll say her true feelings, she asked him abt his plans, tried to see if it is a spur of the moment decision or if he really thought abt it. She also inquired where’s heading, who he talked to, what he’s planning! She is deciding for herself after hearing him! ok, this is your plan? I like it. I’m going!  Very powerful!.

I love that like how kyo was realistic abt the plan having some difficulties due to starting away by themselves, she was also realistic that it is indeed sad to part with my friends, my hometown, & my mom’s resting-place, but i’ll choose ME now. “I” want to go with you for “me”. This is not a bind I’ll follow you wherever love story, this is realistic depiction of healthy relationship. Acknowledging hardships & accepting them saves you from being crushed by failure, you’ll endure it when it eventually happens & move on, cuz God knows we DO fail & succeed! Life isnt smooth sailing~ 

I love that tohru complemented him on his plan cuz she could see that is a sign of growth. If she’s gonna share her life with this man, it is delightful to see that he is thinking of a happier, healthier & realistic future! Cuz kyo was this destroyed man~ so destroyed he was pushing her away despite loving her dearly, now, he’s asking her opinion & permission to accompany him!

I love that tohru made sure to touch upon kyo’s last scar “ my mom doesnt hate you” This is a scar that wont go away even if kyo is mentally healthy. Cuz death is the ultimate truth. He can never hear kyoko’s affirming her love for him, he’ll have to trust in it based on their earlier interaction together. Tohru is powerfully & stubbornly taking away most of his pain by affirming her acknowledge of her mom. You might disagree kyo, you might still feel a bit guilty, it might haunt you sometimes. but me? NO. Never. Mom loved you. She meant ONLY good. Hopefully my determination heals you bit by bit, & it DOES. Kyo stands bravely, confidently & happily in front of kyoko’s grave & instead of saying “ i apologize for hurting you, or tohru, I’m sorry, forgive me”.  he tells her he’ll keep their promise & protect tohru for life! he literally proposed there in front of her mom & all. T_T

-Kyoko’s Words: ( Sometimes, you don’t get to know the whole truth & that’s okay):

Can’t describe how much I love this part. This is the most painful yet important lesson in furuba. Life isn’t a movie where the entire truth is exposed to the characters or the audience. Sometimes you live & die without getting to know an important truth, hearing a much needed confirmation, or getting a loved one’s forgiveness. There are things in our life that we just can’t get back no matter how much we tried. What we do, then? die? despair? throw away what we DO have in our hands for this lost truth no matter how important it was to us? No, we do the only thing we can. Live. Not just go thro life’s motion, but really live. Accept the good & the bad. This is so goddamn easy & difficult as hell too!

-Kyo not knowing kyoko’s words at that time was tragic. It was so tragic it sent kyo into a suicidal descent into the abyss. The wounds of his mom’s death that were slowly healing with kazuma’s care got re-opened & poured blood! The old destructive habits became full force, The toxic coping habits returned with its ugliness. I can’t kill myself literally? I’ll do it figuratively. trapped, caged, destroyed, eyes shut, ears closed, only seeing his pain. Kyo is us. All of us in any moment of true crushing despair. He could never bring the dead back, hear their loving words or ask forgiveness. Thro kyo, the author is telling us... I know. You had your moment of lost truth, didn’t you? I know. IT IS OKAY. live, my child. your pain is valid, let it take its course, but afterwards live bravely.

-Kyo’s path towards healing is: the ugliest cuz it hurt tohru of all ppl, the longest cuz he was the last one to move on, the bloodiest cuz he’ll never have the ppl he lost, the rockiest cuz he failed & failed, the most frustrating cuz he repeated his mistakes over & over, He couldnt even do it alone. needed intervention & support. He lost hope. completely. But it is okay even if you fell as deep as kyo: stand up. even if you never learned the truth: let go. even if you were the last one to learn or heal: it isn’t a race. Embrace life with its good & bad & continue as kyoko said “ you fought well”

-Kyoko’s parting plea to her daughter broke my heart into pieces. Death is ugly, but death is a truth that we can’t escape. The leaving ones is hurting as much as the ones left behind, but hopefully, the leaving ones will find a happiness a kin to the ones left behind. yuki’s "say a prayer & move one, one step at a time” is all you can do.

-Kyoko was: a gangster who hurt others (ugly path), repented, married & had a daughter (fulfilling path), widowed & left her daughter while grieving (ugly path), came back, repented & tried to raise tohru well, love her enough! (fulfilling path), died & left her young high school daughter all alone (heartbreaking path) but she accepted that the last path isn’t sth she can fight, prayed, & accepted her fate~

-Kyoko~~ “ you fought well”  while you were alive~ you really did! The Tohru you left behind helped a whole clan & hopefully readers as well! you tohru is loved by an entire generation of readers & anime watchers. Tohru is so precious & I can’t stop crying~

Side Notes:

Timeline is super messy & confusing. (a) Tohru’s hospital discharge, kyoru’s hug & curse break for everybody all happened at the (late) afternoon. While curse was breaking, akito was wearing her white kimono & she cried until tohru hugged her on sunset. (b) Before tohru’s hospital shigure’s face was scar-less. we first saw the scar in the afternoon & he was wearing his kimono.

Now the flashback, Akito wearing her outfit from her talk with the maid (which also happened while kyo was talking to his dad which is on the same day) & shigure wearing suit & it’s sunset time??????? How can the sunset happen before the curse break on the afternoon? She inflected the scars on the sunset, how did he have them on the afternoon of the same day?? both changed outfits which is even weirder??? Someone help me put things on order. Or is order not important? If the sequence of events isn’t important, then, why did it have to happen on the curse break day??? Shigure could’ve had his scars a day or two before tohru’s discharge.

Also the OP started in the middle of yuki’s scene which was so odd!

No big deal, but I still feel that yuki’s curse break would’ve been thematically powerful last ep. Especially after seeing The Zodiac Ruler come & collect the spirits. The legend would've been wrapped powerfully on the same ep where it was told. We see the zodiacs’ original story & we see its closure. It would’ve made tohru/akito’s hug more symbolic. An end of an era to akito & to them all. Real Goodbye to the zodiac animals, but now we had a goodbye & a half. lol.

Is yuki the only one seeing the cursed spirit? He looked down at it? I dont remember the others looking down where an animal would be? Is yuki’s curse special? different? He got all the ropes/bonds around him? I really thought yuki’s theme is all abt desiring to be normal & despising the “special” treatment that haunted him even in school. 

Momiji/ kagura /kyo interaction is cute!

Haru/Yuki/ Isuzu interaction is cute as well. XD

Kagura, girl, you used to have best fashion, what’s up with jeans under knee length dress?! lol.

I’ll be honest. It is a lost opportunity that machi weren't made to question how teen-tohru is yuki’s mom. That would’ve solidified her as a unique stand alone character if she were to discuss it with yuki. Tohru being yuki’s mom figure is not normal, otherwise yuki’s entire dilemma of figuring out his feelings for tohru would’ve become meaningless. Having machi quickly “understand” it is a bit weird. But it helps the plot move quickly, I guess. ( it reminds me of Arisa hugging akito when she confessed stabbing kureno without questioning anything, it is weird, but you get the message that “ we aint got time for that~ gotta hop on the next plot).

I love that furuba subverted the old anime-trope of the entire happy cast staying together in one city/place & living exactly like they did in their teens except being married now! XD. It is so realistic that each character is now moving on their path of life~

Tohru wore a ring in her foreshadowing vision! SHE WORE A RING! My baby girl is a grown woman now~ T_T. I love tohru so much!~

Shigure/ akito & the last banquet is in my review part 2. I’ve been editing out any thoughts abt Shigure from my previous posts. I needed to see the whole picture first. I think can now talk abt them, I’m looking forward to the comments of the next part cuz I really really need to see if I understood it or if i’m off.

[pottersshead]

Potions

Ship: hufflepuff!reader x Draco

Prompt: Requested

Summery: Y/N Granger (the younger sister of Hermione Granger) one the the smartest and kindest witches in Hogwarts, is friends with everyone expected form a group of Slytherins. Suddenly Draco realises his feelings on the same day the group of Slytherins take the bullying to far but what will happen next?

Warnings: insecure reader? Mentions of bullying.

Authors note: Ahhh thank you so much for my first request! I had so much fun writing this, I hope it’s okay and yes it is a little cliche at the end!

Y/N Granger, the younger sister of the infamous Hermione Granger. Normally with siblings you always have the cliché overly smart one and the troublemaker well... that’s not the case for the Granger household. Both Y/N and Hermione were known as the smartest witches of their years (Y/N being in the year younger then Hermione, but still never failing to impress her teachers by being a “muggle-born”). Y/N Granger was always very smart, outgoing and friendly never failing to start up a conversation with another student. Y/N was always known for being one of the smartest witches and most definitely one of the most friendliest, she got on with everyone... well almost everyone. Slytherins. She never bonded with them. Mainly because they would bully her and didn’t dare to say something mean back so she just let it be. As much as she didn’t mind the bullying (as she had thick skin) there was one things that always got to her. Draco Malfoy. He was a gentleman who didn’t he tell Pansy to stop and stand up for her instead. She noticed the way he looked at her, as much as they dont talk Draco couldn’t deny the feelings that he had started developing for the girl in the yellow robes.

A couple of day’s later they had a potions class and Snape thought it was a good idea to partner them together. “Draco? Draco!?” Y/N shouted at him trying to bring him back into the room. Draco quickly figured he shouldn’t act on his feelings so... he’s not going to. He way he acted towards Y/N is the same way he acted towards anyone cold and heartless. For some reason this really got to Y/N, when the class was over she ran out of the classroom quicker than anyone else with tears filling her eyes. Nobody had ever seen her like that before. It caused quite a stir. A little while later Draco was walking with Crabbe and Goyle. He walked past one of the toilets and heard sobs pouring out from underneath one the cubicles. He knew exactly who it was and he knew why she was crying. He waited outside for a while wondering what the best solution would be, eventually he realised his feel were walking towards the cubicle without his control. He tapped on the door and gently pushed it open only for it to be shut back in his face from the girl on the other side. “Y/N open up. It’s Draco” the blond boy said, unsure if that was the best thing to do. “I know who it is, go away Draco” Y/N said back to him not wanting him to see her like this. “Okay then, if you won’t talk to me face to face we will talk like this Y/N I’m not leaving. I know you’re wondering why I didn’t stick up for you the other day and to be honest I can’t give you an exact reason but the only reason I can give you is... I was torn between my head and my heart. I love you Y/N and I know probably don’t feel the same, I mean why would you we barely talk and we’ve only worked together in potions but I just wanted to make sure you’re okay”. After that the cubicle door opened revealing Y/N with red, swollen puffy eyes but in Draco’s eyes it was one of the most beautiful things he’s ever seen. “You love me?” Y/N said breaking the silence. “Yeah... I guess I do” Draco replied back while scratching the back of his head as if he was confused. Y/N just pulled him in to a big hug and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. After she pulled away Draco took her face in his hand slowly pulling her closer in to the deepest kiss. Who knew Draco could be such a sweetheart after all?

[schizosupport]

does it still count as a delusion if I think I'm stupid to believe that and that its obviously its not real but I still have like flight/fight/freeze to the thoughts/wrongly percieved event/things in the corner of my eye, or get really scared? Like I don't think that I'm correct in thinking the thing and I don't think it makes sense/has been proven wrong by the person and by testing it lol but also I have a reasoning behind it and still think it? Esp if some of the specific paranoias are very transient (or don't come back) and sometimes triggered by horror content (damn tma t-t) or v stress related ??? I'm trying to figure out if I'm just prodomal probably (bcus I have like a million environmental and genetic risks and Im 16) or actually having delusions now lol ¡¡p but it might be substance induced so :p this stuff has been going on since like, last june maybe and when I started smoking almost everyday since august

(2) HI IM THE PERSON TALKING ABT THE DELUSIONS AND POSSIBLY BEING SUBSTANCE INDUCED !! I think I've also had an increase in negative symptoms in that approximately 1 year time frame than before, even though I'm autistic so experience a lot of the things they list in that stuff :p but that could be because I went through a traumatic relationship or because I've been unmasking over time since I'm not in public and been trying to acknowledge my needs during quarantine :p (3)  hi sorry for using all caps yesterday :(((( I didn't mean to make anybody distressed in any way. Also is thinking as a kid that people may be controlled by larger beings like sims and whenever we die thats because they got bored with us normal weird kid beleifs or ?? Or like after watching truman show I was always thinking abt if I was like it and I still kinda act like there could possibly always be a camera on me or someones watching me but my dad talked about putting cameras around the house and one time when I was getting on my phone because he had taken it away from me a notification popped up on his computer that I was using my phone and if he wanted to look at my screen so maybe its just me being scared cus of that even tho I dont live with him anymore :p and I have no reason to believe he or anyone else actually has access to my phone but they do and its really scary :'((((

Hi anon!

No need to apologize, you’re good, and you didn’t distress me! 

I am very brain-tired there days which makes it hard for me to respond thoroughly, but I’m going to attempt anyways. 

The exact definition of delusions vs magical thinking, paranoid ideation and anxiety can be hard to figure out, and the professionals may have varying opinions as well. The main question, to me, would be - are you very distressed by these thoughts? Are they hindering your ability to live life to its fullest?

If the answer is yes, then I find it less important what they are, and rather I would urge you to look into getting some help managing these symptoms. At the end of the day, knowing the name of what’s going on with you can feel empowering, but it doesn’t actually help much if it isn’t accompanied by an increase in support, understanding and potentially treatment.

Another thing is, you said you’ve been smoking almost every day - from the context I’m guessing you’re talking about weed? 

I know that a lot of people do feel like weed can alleviate some discomfort, and I’m not the authority on drug-use by any means, but I think that a daily intake of any drug, can be a cause for alarm. - No matter if that’s alcohol, weed or “harder” drugs. Especially in people who are susceptible to psychosis (which you seem to be), weed can have a negative effect, and it can definitely increase some symptoms, or even increase the likelihood of a full-blown episode. 

I know it’s easier said than done, and you probably have your reasons for smoking as much as you do, but from a mental health perspective, it does blur the picture. And it can make it harder to get the help you need, because you risk either professional writing off your symptoms as “purely druginduced” or alternatively, they ignore the smoking, and think that you’re more psychotic than you would normally be, which could also lead to the wrong treatment.

(Say for example, you’re smoking to cope with a certain set of symptoms (eg. adhd)- then that smoking causes psychotic symptoms - they treat that with antipsychotics. Now if your original problem was adhd, you would have been better off with a prescription for that, instead of having to take two mind-altering substances as patches on patchwork solutions)

Honestly I’m not the best to ask about the border between delusion and anxiety - professionals have repeatedly told me I’ve long since crossed the border (hence why I’m diagnosed as schizophrenic) but in my own mind I’m still just “a very anxious person”...

I hope this was at least a bit helpful, my computer is lagging and so is my brain, so I’m going to wrap this up here.

Best of luck anon!

Cat

[azenta]

Inauthenticity

Context: I didnt want to hijack a joke post i scrolled through about inauthenticity and that made me go into Explanation Mode, so here is my own post about this.

So, this is about people crafting/shifting their self around people, either people they care for or even simple acquaintances. The original post that made me create this one was about a dialogue where someone was saying: "I love everything about you!" and the other to reply "No, you only love the meticulously crafted persona I created through years of solitude and isolation so i could be loved and accepted". Or something edgy along those lines. And then, I noticed some people replying the very smart advice to simply "stop doing this if you are unhappy about it" which obviously triggered me into the following wall of text. Because if that was so simple to refrain from that, it wouldnt be a problem nor would there be personality types constructed around this mechanism.

Explanation: What leads to create such an intricated fake persona is related to negative learning experiences as a child where the authentic self got rejected explicitly (verbally corrected) or implicitly (through conditioning; ignoring when the child did X and giving attention when doing Y) by the parents or many encountered authority figures. When the child was presenting their thoughts or feelings, at one point or another, it was explicitly or implicitly corrected or criticized for being incorrect, unacceptable or undesirable.

Of course, there are behaviors that children do that need correction. However, the problems is that in those cases, it was not the behaviors that were corrected, but the core emotions and needs the child felt. Through those corrections they learned that those feelings and needs were either fundamentally incorrect or that they had to earn them. Which as you can guess is quite problematic.

Some children thus learned to manipulate their self to show the parts that are deemed desirable and hide the indesirable ones. So, they learned to please in order to earn their needs, which make people go as far as arranging their whole self to fit the one person or even group of people they want to earn their whatever is sought by the person (attention, affection, approbation, validation, reassurance, etc.). Because, a need is fundamental, and those children learned there were actual conditions to meet them. It's as if you were told that to eat, not to get food, just to eat it, you had to be a good boy or girl, which could be performing at school, doing and performing at sports, wearing make ups a certain way or being a certain weight. So when they fail to meet those desirable standards, 'well too bad you ain't gonna eat and might as well die of hunger unless you decide to be a good boy/girl 🙃'. And this message then gets internalized. So, guess what they choose to do.

So, this is why it gets difficult for those people to simply stop shapeshifting their self. Those children learned that those aforementioned needs had to be earned, rather than understand that a need is a given not a reward. Because you need it to survive. But since they learned it was bad, but still need it to survive, they then associate that to survive they need to hide and mold their self into a desirable one, so they can get their need met.

Lets be clear, I am not saying this behavior is good or even justify it. I do it myself, it's shit, I am suffering from it, and so my relationships. So, what's the solution? You first need to face yourself alone, because that's when all parts come together and when you can see the whole picture of who you are. You actually need to "isolate" yourself periodically to assess yourself truthfully, with as little distractions or possible influence around. Then, take the time to understand yourself, introspect, because it takes some (a lot) time to do. See it as getting to know yourself like you would get to know someone you just met. Ask questions about yourself, about how you feel rn, what do you think, and try the hardest possible to not judge yourself for what you feel and think, which can be quite hard. Also, like when you get to know someone, you have to meet them couple of times, in different moods or situations in order to see the many facets of themselves.

Afterward, when faced to people, observe and notice which parts seem to vanish and disappear, what parts you try to manipulate and modulate. Also, notice around who or what kind of people you are around when you manipulate those given part of yourself. From there you can start questioning why you control those parts. Usually, there are beliefs surfacing up such as "because this is bad/wrong/unacceptable", "if i say or act this way, i might hurt them/get rejected/get into conflict/ etc., and I want to avoid that" or tons of apparently logical justifications as "but i am not repressing myself, i am not like this or i would act like this all the time right?", "i just dont feel like being X, that's all". Those are all learned internal messages that still have the humble goal to protect yourself from a potential loss, but that creates that problem of inauthenticity and ironically contribute to that loss you want to avoid (by creating a confirmation bias). To destroy those thoughts demand a lot of self awareness, self honesty and self correction, to replace those throughts/internal rules for more accurate and less restraining ones. Therefore, it asks a lot of patience and tolerance about yourself, because awareness, honesty and correction are not easy to apply. It is also important to spot what fears those thoughts seek to avoid (Rejection? Abandonment? Worthleness?) and what needs are hidden behind, to actually replace them accurately.

Tho, you don't need to understand yourself perfectly before starting to act differently. The moment you notice some of your needs (boundaries, acceptance, to be alone, to socialize, freedom, etc.), you should start acting on them the best you can. It will actually challenge you to be more authentic and will also trigger your thought patterns, which will make it easier to spot and so, to change.

Of course, it is all easier said than done, but I hope this little explanation could enlighten some people.

Side note: On a typology perspective, the ones the most affected by this are usually 3s, 6s and 9s (core > core wing > fixes), Fe users (high > low), and soc variants (dom > aux).

[dylinski]

Wasting Time

Request from Anon:  How about #1 I love you, please dont go for sterek

Warnings: language, angst, little make out sesh

Relationships: Stiles Stilinski/Derek Hale

Word Count: 2079

Author: @dylan-obrien-fanblog

A/N: Sorry this took me so long, I just couldn’t find the inspiration but I found it!!!! this is also what ignited my little sterek rant post I posted yesterday. i hope ya’ll like it. 

Listen to THIS. It was my inspiration and is now my new favorite Sterek song.

Derek grunted as he turned in his bed for the hundredth time that night. No matter what he did, he couldn’t get comfortable and fall asleep despite being exhausted. Sleeping in a shitty motel bed didn’t help much either. He had been on the run for almost a year with the FBI chasing after him. Being framed for mass murder sucked, but thankfully Stiles intervened when they were just about to catch him. That was a couple months ago, so Stiles has had time to recover from his ‘injury’. He was still a wanted man, but Stiles was using all the power he had with the FBI to throw them off his tracks or to find evidence that proved Derek’s innocence. There have been a few leads, but none of them ever panned out and only led to dead ends.

In order to stay under the radar, Derek would move around to different motels every couple nights, but never too far from where Stiles was. At first, he only stuck around to make sure he was okay and recovered from the botched field op, which was mostly Stiles fault, but it was for Derek. He knew that it was a risk for him to save his ass, especially with only being an intern. He still couldn’t believe that he somehow convinced them to take an intern with little to no experience on a field op, he was also surprised he didn’t sway them to let him lead the damn thing. That was Stiles though, a relentless little bastard. After Stiles got better though, they had spent so much time together that it reminded Derek of the old days in Beacon Hills, fighting the bad guys and saving the world. Stiles begged him to stay and let him help to clear Hale name, and Derek just couldn’t say no to those whiskey eyes.

That wasn’t how things stayed though, tonight was terrible. Derek replayed the memory in his mind, going back to every word that was said and how each one cut him like a knife.

“Stiles, we haven’t had a new lead in weeks. This is getting ridiculous.”

“I know. I’m checking a few other things out, but it will take a while for my sources to get back to me.” Stiles rummaged through some papers that were laying on the bed, trying to make a connection between something, anything.

Derek sat at the small square table in the corner of the room, scanning his own pile of papers, but gave up on them a while ago. After some tense silence, Derek finally spoke. “I’m leaving in the morning Stiles.”

Stiles froze and slowly looked up from where he was sitting on the edge of the bed, his face laced with anger and confusion. “What the fuck do you mean you’re leaving in the morning?”

“I mean exactly what is sounds like. How is that confusing?” Derek was befuddled as to why Stiles didn't understand him.

“I know what you said asshat! I just don’t believe it!” Stiles was now standing as he shouted at the raven haired man from across the room. He started pacing as Derek leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. “You can’t leave, we said we were going to figure this out together.” Stiles started biting his thumb as he stared at his feet, continuing to tread back and forth. He suddenly stopped and looked up at Derek with weepy eyes. “You said you would let me help you.”

“You tried helping and we’ve gotten nowhere. It’s time for me to move on and search for other solutions.” Derek spoke calmly with a-matter-of- fact tone, hiding his own despair behind his stolid mug. 

Stiles eyes dried quickly and his tears were replaced with rage. He scrunched up his nose in the way he does when he’s trying to stop himself from lashing out, which was evident by his clenched fist at his side. “Move on from Virginia or move on from me?” He couldn’t look Derek in the eyes when he asked his question through gritted teeth and found himself fixed on a point somewhere beyond the careless man.

Derek subtly flinched at Stiles’ last few words and his heart skipped. He kept his forthright features, despite everything he was feeling. His words were caught in his throat, so he spoke as few as possible fearing they would betray his composure. “Both.” He swallowed the lump in his throat as he heard Stiles whine in his throat, like a cry for help, he wouldn’t had heard it if it weren't for his wolf hearing.

“FINE! THEN FUCKING LEAVE!” Stiles grabbed his suit coat and stormed out, slamming the door behind him. His absence was felt and the room became silent and cold. Derek could feel the sorrow brimming at his eyes. He never wanted to hurt the boy, but that was all he knew how to do. Everyone he ever loved got hurt because of him, he was just better off on his own. There was no point in him dragging Stiles down with him, possibly ruining his career and reputation and even the smallest possibility of getting him killed. It was a stretch for him to even accept his help in the first place, but he had been here too long and it was time to press on, leaving Stiles behind...again.

Derek just laid there, staring at the ceiling repeating Stiles’ words in his head only hours after he spoke them. He hated that he left things that way, but there was no point in bothering the brunette when he was angry and had his mind set on something. He had no intention of seeing him again before he left at dawn, unable to deal with confrontation and emotions. He shifted in his bed, yet again, and closed his eyes trying to push out the sound of pain in his friend’s voice. Lost in thought, a knock at the door drowned out all the noise in his head. He sat up and immediately knew it was Stiles from his scent and the sound of his heartbeat, which was racing. He got up and opened the door, leaning against it wearing only sweatpants.

Stiles was soaked from the rain, still wearing his suit which meant he never went home after their argument. He looked up at Derek, his hair matted to his forehead and eyes full of tears that were indistinguishable from the droplets of rain that rested on his cheeks. Neither of them needed to speak, and Derek let him into the small room as he went to the bathroom to get him a towel. He grabbed an extra pair of sweatpants and a shirt from his already packed bag and handed them to the wet man while he was roughly scrubbing his head. The towel left his hair sticking up in all directions and Derek couldn’t hold back a smile as he remembered the young boy who used to wear his hair spiked up all the time. Stiles didn’t bother with his hair anymore and he wasn’t that young boy anymore either. Stiles peeled off the damp clothes and changed into the dry ones, causing Derek to blush. He had never even seen him shirtless before, but it was different than seeing another man topless...it was Stiles. It was always Stiles. He always did something to him that no one else did, something he couldn’t explain or begin to understand.

Once the spiky haired boy was settled, he sat down at the foot of the bed and let his head fall. He gulped, like he was nervous and preparing to make a speech which was not unforeseen for him. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes and then looked up to Derek standing in front of him, looming with his arms crossed. Most people had resting bitch face, Derek had resting bitch arms. 

“Derek...:” His voice croaked and sounded raw, like he had been crying and screaming for an unreasonable amount of time. Derek could see the pain in his eyes when the dark chestnut orbs took him in. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, but the thing I regret the most is that I didn’t ask you to stay after Mexico. I know we’re both different people now and we’ve changed since you left, but I still feel like we haven’t.” He was crying again, avoiding eye contact as he stared at his feet. Derek had let his arms fall to his sides and his face more empathetic. He kneeled down to meet the boys face and squeezed his arm.

Stiles still didn’t look up, but continued on his monologue. “I’ve wasted so much time...spent countless nights trying to push you down, ignoring this hole in my chest that manifested the second you walked away. You said you’d be back, but I knew in my heart you wouldn’t. It was just by chance that the FBI was hunting you and I got on the team. If that hadn’t happened, would I have ever seen you again?” The question was rhetorical, but Derek didn’t have an answer either way. He hooded his eyes in disappointment in himself as Stiles wiped his nose on the sleeve of the borrowed shirt. He held it under his nose for a minute, inhaling the smell of Derek that clung to the fabric.

“I know this a lot, Derek, and I don’t understand much of it myself, but I can’t keep pretending I don’t have these emotions and I can’t go through this again. I can’t watch you leave, not knowing if I’ll ever see you again, not when I feel this way.” Stiles finally looked up, staring into Derek’s eyes with a longing he had never seen in those honey iris’ before. “I’m not going to let you leave again, at least not without trying. So Derek...I love you and I’m begging you, please don’t go.”

Derek couldn’t hold back his tears or his own emotions anymore, he cupped Stiles cheek and searched his eyes for answers or some kind of sign that this wasn’t all just a dream. He could feel everything he was feeling by looking at his face and he wanted to take all the pain away, let him know that he wasn’t crazy, that this wasn’t stupid, that he loved him too. Derek leaned in and pressed his lips to Stiles’, leaving him awestruck as his eyes widened. Once it kicked in what was happening, he screwed his eyes shut and kissed him back passionately, turning the kiss into more than just that, but something fueled with desire and longing that had been begging to escape for years. Derek pressed against Stiles, causing him to crawl backwards up the bed, refusing to break the unrelenting kiss. Derek straddled Stiles as his tongue dug into his mouth, searching it’s depths and creating a dance between their lips.

Hearts were racing and chests were heaving as Derek pulled back for air, placing his forehead against Stiles’. Their breaths mingled as their lips brushed, still processing what was actually happening. Stiles pulled his head back and ran his fingers through the black hair of the man staring back at him, giving him a crooked smile that made Derek blush.

He pulled his leg over so that he could settle down next to the brunette and draped his arm around his shoulders. Stiles turned into his firm body and nuzzled his nose into the crevice of his arm, wrapping his arms in an enclosed circle around his waist. He could hear Derek’s heart through his chest, strong and rapid. Derek rested his head on top of Stiles’ spiky hair and whispered, “I’ll stay.” He could feel Stiles smile against his chest eliciting a smile of his own.

“Good, now I don’t have to resort to plan B.”

“Plan B?” Derek leaned back so he could see Stiles.

Stiles just giggled into his chest, “Yeah, I was going to break in and circle the room in mountain ash.” Stiles looked straight at Derek with a serious expression as if it was the most logical solution.

Stiles couldn’t help but smile again as he thought back to Derek’s words. It meant more than what laid at the surface. In his own way when he said ‘I’ll stay’, he was actually saying ‘I love you too’.

Taglist: @bitch-banshee​

[fairycosmos]

LMFAOOO NOT TO B ANNOYING HERE BUT UHHHH i turn 17 next month n am not excited (~: bc i am too scared to turn 18 n be an adult n have responsibilities bc nothing in my life has been stable enough. i feel like i have to worry n prepare myself now bc if i don’t it’ll hit me like a fucking bus. but yeah!! i’m straight up not looking forward to it!! feel like i have no chance!! cannot make it in this life!! so i must kill myself before the day comes!! proud of all of u for making it this far

HEY you’re not annoying ! but also HEY, try to slow down and take a moment. or several moments. you’re very young, and i’m saying that in a good way. growing up is such a paradox because we never realize how much time we have until its ran out. treating everything as a transitional phase, as a means to an end, is an exhausting habit. you haven’t lived the solutions to your worries yet. i think it’s important to try to hold onto the present moment because it’s the only thing that actually exists. and you’ll never be who you are currently, ever again. the past is over, and the future is impossible to predict and CONSTANTLY changing. the only thing that’s in your control is this moment. right now, you don’t need to be anything other than what you are. every second of uncertainty is necessary, everything is working out this way to get you to where you need to be - which is a lifelong journey in and of itself, it’s supposed to be a long and confusing process. i know it probably feels like everythings moving so fast, and the world likes to lie to us, likes to say we have to have everything figured out by eighteen, cause they want to make money off of us. if we put all of our mental stability into how well we’re doing career wise/academically, then we’ll push ourselves to the limits working for them. just to prove ourselves, right? it’s all an illusion and a way to keep us down. the older you get the more you realize that nobody has a clue about anything, really. i mean ANYTHING. and you dont have to expect yourself to be sure of the rest of your existence, especially not at sixteen. there’s no set schedule for your life, where you have to complete X achievement by Y age or you’ll burn in an eternal pit of failure. there’s just these days, and this growth, and what we choose to do with what we have. getting lost is normal, not knowing is normal. only then will you experience those inner epiphanies that make you realize what you REALLY want, putting you back on track. and this can happen at 21, at 30, at 50. and there are so many different tracks, too. nothing is definitive. when you’re a kid, especially a kid with a traumatic background, it’s easy to see things in black and white. i used to too, sometimes still do. but what i’ve noticed is the more you push yourself out into the world, the more you understand that everything is coloured in shades of grey. we grow weirdly, stunted in one area and abundant in another. we achieve our goals unexpectedly, on top of the world one day and then falling the next. it’s the balance. i think....it’s important to take your childhood into account, how its shaped your perception and your self image. questioning the fundamental beliefs you have, about what you’re worth, is a good place to start. whether that’s through counseling, or implementing healthier coping mechanisms int your daily life, or even just having an honest conversation with yourself at first. either way, you’ll see that you have to sort of relearn everything you thought you knew. you have to make a concentrated effort to center yourself and practice patience with your own life...it’s hard at first, but it makes everything easier in the long run. constantly screaming at yourself in your own head simply for existing is just too suffocating, too exhausting. not everything is going to be this chaotic all of the time, i promise. look, i said the exact same thing about turning eighteen. and i’ve been saying the same thing about turning twenty in four months, that i’m just going to kill myself. but it’s becoming clear to me now that that thought is more of a defense mechanism than anything else, at least for me. if i’m going to die young i don’t have to have any sort of plan, and i dont have to worry about messing up. it’s comforting. but i feel like life just sort of sneaks up on you, and you don’t even really realize it. your mind knows on some subconscious level that you have the rest of eternity to be dead and only one chance in this history of ever to be a person. so despite all of the learned fear and the quiet terror, it’s easier to think about simply disappearing than it is to actually die. just by being here, you have a chance. and if you feel as though you’re really going to act on those compulsions/self destructive thoughts, please please be sure to alert those around you and call the authorities so you can receive the care you need. no matter how scary it is, because you dont want to make such a long lasting decision when you’re in a unclear headspace. it’s just not worth it, it doesn’t change or improve anything.

this is getting too long, and these are just my thoughts on the matter, not objective facts, but. yeah, existential horror is a part of the human condition and a defining characteristic of what differentiates us as a species. and there’s strength in this, in knowing we’re all in the same boat and everyones feeling the weight of it. but you’ll find reasons to stick around if you seek them out. everything is terrifying but we should try to focus on our individual lives and getting through each day, one at a time. the quote that comes to mind is “and while the future is fast coming for you, it always flinches first and settles in as the gentle present.” you are doing so much better than you think. adapting is inevitable, and you’ll be so many different selves over the course of your lifetime - how can you be mad at the 16 yo version that just wants to try their best? seriously, if you give yourself some time, and you try to give yourself the tools you need to remain grounded and present, then you’re going to be okay. i wouldn’t say it if i didn’t believe it. sometimes we’re looking for an answer but the answer is simply to wait. anyway, i really hope you’re able to take it easy. again, you’re sixteen. mistakes are human, and they’re all lying to you about how you have to decide what you’re going to ‘be’ for the rest of your life. please take care. if you need a friend or if you want to talk about anything, i’ll be here. you’re not in this alone.

[cyb3r-kat]

How do you keep yourself motivated for writing? Like for example, when I usually post a fanfic/ mini series, I have put in so much time to proofread, edit and make headers and all, but when I see the outcome it's almost disheartening ://

Oof I'm so sorry to hear anon. I understand what that feeling is like. It's taken me awhile to figure out what to say so I hope this is some sound advice.

I asked @perriewinklenerdie for her opinion on this cause I value it and this just some of what she shared: "motivation is something that comes and goes. If I don’t feel like writing and I’m pushing myself to write anyway, it usually comes out as shit. Most of the times, when I’m not writing, I’m trying to keep my mind open for any ideas and inspirations." So something to keep in mind anon, and what she's trying to say, is that don't ever force yourself to write. I can also vote on that by saying don't force yourself to either. You'll end up more dissatisfied and disheartened than when you first started.

Secondly asked @usuallyamazinglyaverage cause again, I also value her insight and the advice she gave was this: "The trick I have heard most is to make writing into more than just a hobby - make it into a habit ." And she's not wrong. Both her and my dad (who from the previous post is a man who who works around published offical authors), have always told me that they write everyday and make it a habit to. I suggest if you wanna maybe try out a way to stay motivated (and that can help you with skills) is to make it a habit to write a little everyday. Even if its just 200 words its better than no words.

Some other uhhh "bonus pieces" of advice from myself and my friends also would be this:

- "Authors aren’t always motivated, but they have deadlines.Writing is their job, sure, but that’s something I always try to keep in mind when I don’t have a lot of motivation." @usuallyamazinglyaverage said this and again its another good point to bring up. It works for her, maybe not for everyone, but for anyone who is looking for another way to say motivated. I can as some personal advice, this can work but it's not for everyone and I think it also depends on what you're doing. For me, motivation like this helped when I was in college in fiction class writing short stories that had a set deadline and having to write even if I didn't wanna. Lot of dad's author friends write to meet deadlines and they'll work right up to the deadline and go back and edit over. But also please don't force yourself into writing or sacrificing things just to meet a personal or set deadline

- In regards to feeling disheartened over work, I think @perriewinklenerdie brings up a good point: "It sucks a major when you put work into something and it’s not as good as you want it to be, or as you thought it was. The only solution is to either work on it more or maybe ask someone else to review it too." And again this is another point I can agree to. Though I will say if you feel you've worked on it enough yourself personally, get a second pair of eyes or even a third. If you don't wanna ask people that's okay too! I was super shy and worried about sharing my work with friends or strangers to read but at the end of the day their feedback and comments and catching mistakes helped my writing out and gave me a boost to write more or reflect on what I was writing. Again my DMs are always open if you ever need someone to review your work anon and maybe even try finding around tumblr people who offer up being beta readers if youre wanting a second opinion!

-And lastly this is just an overall general piece and it sounds cheesy but : have fun and find a network. You can't motivate yourself to write when you're not having fun while doing it. I find my fun through friends. Through sharing ideas back and forth, getting feedback, shitposting with memes (seriously ask the two people I've tagged they'll agree with me).

- This isna more uh personal point but trying to relate on freling down. I get where you're coming from anon I really really do. Hell I've recently been super down with my own writing and dealing with a lot of self esteem problems and my friends have been there for me to pick me back up on my feet. But I get what its like when you feel your work isn't great or you put a lot of effort into it and its... not what you wanted. Or if you dont have friends there to pick you up. It's easy to say "don't give up" but even if you gotta take time off from writing and feel like you are "giving up", you're not. You're your own priority, and your writing will be there when you come back. I went on hiatus from writing for 7 or so years and recently just got back into it.

And uhhh yeah thats all I got for now 😅 I hope this helped some what but again my friends and myself aren't professionals so who the hell knows what we're saying. Good luck out there anon, feel free to drop by anytime you need more advice or got more questions!

[bluebeetle]

Tell me about your dnd ocs

oroooook super late on this sorry, as i said, computer troubles have been plaguing me and continue to do so

oook so the last image i posted that prompted this was mostly of a friends character but mine from the same game was in the corner, who is also the guy in my header:

(Art by @herobrushreplica !!)

anyways his name is Nico (short for Nicolas) and he’s a dhampir since we use a lot of homebrew, and also a ranger. so yeah he uses dueling and has some healing spells bc we are dumb and didnt plan ahead and had like no healers..... and also can turn into a bat

also hes the poor neutral good in a sea of chaotics (and one lawful good) 

He was kind of pre-existing prior to this but i expanded a bit more. anyways im lazy so ill copy-paste what i had written up already:

backstory:

A half-vampire born to a vampire hunter who's love was turned into a creature of the night as an act of revenge from a powerful vampire lord. The couple did not part nor kill each other like expected, however, and Nicolas (Nico for short) was born from this union. Raised in the art of fighting monsters and other creatures of the night, Nico learned how to use both ranged and melee weapons. He was brought up learning how all monsters--including more humanoid creatures such as Orcs, Vampire and Tieflings--were evil and it was the duty of his family to protect those in need from them.

 However, he grew up battling with his vampiric side. His father telling Nico that he was to never reveal it to anyone unless necessary, while his mother assured him he was an amazing creature, and one of good rather than evil. His relationship with his father was rocky, made worse whenever any of Nico's traits showed. He grew up unsure of his destiny, instead focusing solely on the wishes of his parents, and keeping himself distant from other people. 

 However, this was not to last forever, as while Nico aged normally until he reached 25, it seem became clear that like his mother, he was ageless. After the death of his father, Nico's mother left to sleep away her grief, leaving him alone. Nico left to travel the land, hoping to help those in trouble--occasionally for a cost--and find his way. He has a hard time opening up and trusting people, but is quick to become attached and affectionate regardless. He is plagued by feelings of doubt and uncertainty over his heritage and morality, wondering if what his father has taught him about different races is true or not. He worries about his vampire side coming out and harming people--even if he can survive on normal food and animal blood. His heritage is not something he reveals easily--as he has experienced plenty of blacklash for being a dhampir in the past.

 When it comes to taking action, he either impulsively acts, emotion taking over (often his temper) or overthinks, leaving him hesitant and confused. He's easily flustered and confused, wanting to help people and be in their company while also pushing them away in fear of them hating him for being what he is. He is bad at confrontation with authority figures, often instead going behind their backs. His main goal is to find his place in life, to chase away his feelings of loneliness and abandonment and feel assured in his morality and existence, in his choices. Or, at the very least, better understand himself.

He can survive on normal foods and animal blood, but would die if unable to eat any meat. Human blood is still tempting to him. He works best with melee weapons but has skills with the bow and whip. proficiency: arcana,athletics, perception, investigation,  survival

Personality Traits

*I judge people by their actions, not their words.

* If someone is in trouble, I’m always ready to lend help. I don’t talk about the thing that torments me.

* I’d rather not burden others with my curse. I expect danger around every corner.

* I refuse to become a victim, and I will not allow others to be victimized. I put no trust in divine beings.

* I live for the thrill of the hunt.

 Ideals:

*I try to help those in need, no matter what the personal cost. (Good) 

*I kill monsters to make the world a safer place, and to exorcise my own demons. (Good) 

 Bonds:

*I protect those who cannot protect themselves. 

*A terrible guilt consumes me. I hope that I can find redemption through my actions. 

*There’s evil in me, I can feel it. It must never be set free. 

 Flaws

*The people who knew me when I was young know my shameful secret, so I can never go home again.

* have trouble trusting in my allies. 

*I feel no compassion for the dead. They’re the lucky ones.

so yeah edgy vampire oc... but i love him. most of it ends up with everyone being well chaotic and him trying to keep some semblance of order so they can actually reach their goal but usually its. a mess. but its fun. 

my other one ive used once so i dont have anything for her but shes an aarakocra  monk named Zeera! and is Chaotic good and basically just a vehicle for me to be like “ahah what bird behaviour would be funny in this situation”. also her look is based on ornate hawk-eagles bc theyre pretty

Backstory:

Once part of the guardsmen for her tribe, Zeera has since decided she wants to see more of the world. She used to be a soldier, and has medical knowledge. She left the guardsmen, though, tired of horrible commanders. Just one problem: growing up so isolated from other races combined with general bird behaviour, means she tends to stick out as a ditsy trouble maker. 

She takes anything shiny and doesn’t really understand many social concepts such as ownership. But she does understand fighting, oh boy does she. Somewhat childish in personality, acts very birdlike. Aggressive.

Personality Traits

*I enjoy being strong and like breaking things. I face problems head-on. 

*A simple, direct solution is the best path to success.

Ideals

*Independence. When people follow orders blindly, they embrace a kind of tyranny. (Chaotic) 

*Greater Good. Our lot is to lay down our lives in defense of others. (Good)

Bonds

*Those who fight beside me are those worth dying for.

Flaws

*I have little respect for anyone who is not a proven warrior.

*I’d rather eat my armor than admit when I’m wrong.

[aethelflaedladyofmercia]

WIP Wednesday: Final Chapter of “Early Days”

Aaah, I can’t believe I’m at the last chapter of my first long fic! (Well, first in...let’s not talk about how many years...) 

For those following our progress, that means Aziraphale and Crowley have left the Garden of Eden, and I will no longer have access to tons of useful GIFs related to my story.

It also leaves me at a bit of a loss as to what to say today. There’s almost nothing I can talk about that isn’t a spoiler! And I know, people say “if telling the ending ruins your story, it’s not a good story,” but as a reader (and consumer of TV shows, movies and other media), one of my favorite parts is that “aHA/oSHIT” moment when you finally figure out what’s going on, and it’s something you only get to experience once per story.  So when I talk about spoiling, I’m talking about specifically ruining that moment for people, which again, is one of my favorites.

Also, it’s just super hard to talk about endings out of context?

But I suppose there is one thing that’s fairly well foreshadowed and doesn’t count as a spoiler in any major way: Gabriel shows up, and he’s an ass.

So yeah. I started writing “Early Days” less than a month after GO aired, and I wasn’t much involved in the fan community at first, so I had no idea how Gabriel was received.  But I haaaaaaaated him. Well, that’s a strong word; people tend to use that term for characters that they wish wouldn’t show up at all, but I love a villain who I can just REALLY DISLIKE WITH MY WHOLE SOUL and Gabriel gets pretty close to that.

I enjoy a character that makes my skin crawl. Who makes me throw up my hands and shout “WHY WOULD YOU EVEN DO THE THING?!” Who occasionally does something so awful your brain has to stop and recalculate.

Heaven in Good Omens is AT LEAST as terrifying as Hell, and Gabriel just makes suuuuch a good “face” for it. I really wanted him to show up at the end of “Early Days” and be a complete ass to poor Aziraphale.

BUT, as I said, I wasn’t much involved in the fandom yet, and wasn’t sure how this would be received. I suspected (and it turned out I was right) that he had some fans - some who like him because they find him redeemable, some who just like him as he is, some who ship him with Beelzebub (which... ???? ...but I guess there is a certain logic to that, I can see it) - and I didn’t want to deal with a deluge of Gabriel fans complaining about my story.

(Yes, I was raised feral in the comment sections of FF.net and the flame-war ridden Harry Potter boards, where if you thought someone portrayed a character OOC you just told them, and then insulted their entire family and told them to give up writing. It left its scars...)

So I considered introducing an original character to play Aziraphale’s superior here. I do ultimately go that route for certain things - I’ve mentioned Briathos, Aziraphale’s commander during the War in Heaven, because Gabriel clearly is not one to actually fight; I’ve also got a new Archangel I hope to introduce down the line, once I’ve got some characterization issues sorted out; and I’m working on an OC demon to be a former superior of Crowley’s - but the scene called for a familiar character, and ultimately one thing decided me:

Gabriel is abusive. 

The whole structure of Heaven is pretty emotionally abusive, but Gabriel is in a lot of very small, sometimes petty ways. He’s controlling, he’s insulting, he’s manipulative, he gaslights, and just generally makes Aziraphale’s life awful.  Look at Aziraphale’s face every time they talk. Look at his overbearing body language. Look at the “material objects” scene - he literally can’t be bothered to remember the name of the thing Aziraphale loves most (well, they fall between Crowley and Food) while in a shop that sells them because Aziraphale, as a person, is just that unimportant to him.

But, perhaps more importantly, it’s the way he’s so BLOODY CHEERFUL about it. There’s a certain genuineness to Gabriel that honestly makes it all worse. He tells Aziraphale to “lose the gut” in the voice of someone who really thinks a bit of gentle ribbing is all the motivation someone needs to lose weight (stop it); he laughs about how “humans are so simple” in a way that’s meant to suggest inclusivity don’t worry, I don’t think *you’re* simple, not this time (you’re an ass); he tosses out “of course there has to be a war, how else would we win it?” with the casualness of someone who never thinks of other possible solutions (I hate you); and right before the so-called “trial” he walks past Crowley-as-Aziraphale and pats his shoulder as if to say “don’t worry, this won’t be that bad” right before berating him and ordering him to kill himself (ARG I DONT EVEN TOUCH HIM YOU MONSTER!!)...

As you can see, thinking about it sends me into a bit of a rage spiral.

But the point is: to Gabriel, this is what being a warm, genuine, loving person looks like. As far as he is concerned, he is being the best possible authority figure, gently encouraging Aziraphale to be the best possible angel, by viciously cutting away everything he doesn’t like about him. He’s completely internalized his own propaganda, to the point where he’s forgotten what love ACTUALLY looks like.

Which, in turn, means that the angels - who, as Michael Sheen once put it, are beings of pure love - are being twisted by their leader to have a wholly distorted view of what love IS.

Which means Aziraphale ALSO doesn’t really understand love.  Think about it.

Smiles like this one only come after Crowley does something FOR HIM. He pouts and scowls about his jacket being ruined until Crowley removes the stain, and then out comes the smile he knows Crowley wants. I’m not saying it’s fake.  Its real.  Like at those eyes.  He can’t maintain eye contact for more than three seconds before he has to distract himself by pretending to be a gun expert.

But in the economy of Heaven, a sign of affection is a reward for services rendered. It’s not something freely given.

I’m sure you can find counter examples of this - in the show and even in my own writing - that show Aziraphale being affectionate without prompting. I mean, he is different; he’s not wholly caught up in the propaganda of Heaven. But he is deep enough that he constantly manipulates the person he loves most and doesn’t see that as in any way problematic; he’s deep enough that when Gabriel tells him TO HIS FACE that he will fail with the Anti-Christ and no one cares, he doesn’t see any warning signs; he’s deep enough that breaking free will take more than a little hand-holding and laughing at the Ritz.

So, in conclusion. Seeing Gabriel be abusive towards Aziraphale leads me to consider the effects of that long-term abuse on our favorite angel. This, in turn, leads me to wonder about the relationship dynamic between him and Crowley - both before and after the Notpocalypse. And to wonder what exactly it will take to get them both healed - which is shaping up to be a major theme of the post-Notpocalyse portion of “Sawdust of Words.”

Which you can find here on AO3!

(Side note: Crowley also has his issues, though he does hide them a bit better. One of my upcoming long stories, “What it Means to Be a Demon” explores this side of him a bit more and...oh lord does it get real dark real quick sorry in advance.)

[learningtoeatokayagain]

jealousy survival handbook

I hung out with a friend yesterday and it was so great. She’s a woman and I feel I haven’t been able to hang out with a female friend in so long. So it was super needed.

Anyway, today I am going to do some self-work on open relationship stuff. I have this handbook that I am going to go through and type up on this blog my feelings and thoughts.

Here’s a list of things I am dealing with:

- I tell myself I am “wrong” for feeling jealousy.

- I tell myself my needs and desires are wrong.

- I tell myself that talking about it is not worth the battle.

- I tell myself that my unmet needs or violated values do not matter.

- I do things to please other people and get confused about what I want.

- I don’t stand up for myself.

How do I feel when I think these thoughts and/or act this way?

- Embarrassed, hurt, ashamed, frustrated, emotionally numb, sad, powerless, helpless, agitated, scared

Rephrase the stuff above:

- I am not wrong for having feelings. Feelings are complicated. It’s what I do with them that counts.

- My needs and desires are not wrong. I can communicate what I want, even though it’s scary.

- Being vulnerable is scary, but it’s better to communicate my feelings even if I don’t want to talk about it in the moment.

- My unmet needs do matter and I need to communicate and ask for what I want.

- I can do please others and please myself and both!

- I sometimes stand up for myself and I’ve done it before and I can keep doing it.

New feelings:

Strong, self-affirming, powerful, confident, excited, capable, courageous, serene, living, brave, resilient

SOS: Stop, Observe, Strategize

S: Stop - when I feel the jealousy, anxiety, etc through my body: STOP.

- Give yourself time to think, get away from the trigger, you don’t want to do something to alleviate your discomfort. Excuse yourself from the room (or whatever): I’ll be right back, I need to think for a minute, etc. Or you can say, I need time to sort this out. Tell yourself, “ I can stand it.” or “I can handle it.”

O: Observe - observe the facts, what is actually going on. Feelings are still there, but there are facts. There will be stories, but look at the facts.

- What actually transpired?

- Who were the players?

- What kind of voice and body language did the players use?

- What physical sensations did you notice in your body?

- What are you current pre-existing agreements? Did all the players know about the agreements before this happened? Others can’t respect our boundaries if they don’t know what they are. 

Next: own reactions

Internal mind (what are you thinking)?

- Write down what’s going through your mind, paying attention to the thoughts that are intrusive and on repeat. 

Common beliefs:

- Getting rejected is the worst thing that could happen to me

- This person is disrespecting me/my boundaires

- They don’t love me anymore

- I cannot stand this

- That other person is better/stronger/sexier/prettier/etc than me

- My partner no longer needs me because they other people.

Which feels true to me? What do I identify with the most? Where did I learn this? How long have I believed it?

Internal: How are you feeling?

example: “I feel like my partner is way more into this new person than me and I feel anxious and sad.”

Check in with your body. Where do you feel it? You could even do things like, “It’s interesting when I see he doesn’t text me, I feel very anxious.”

Strategies:

Defusion: see thoughts and feelings as what they are, not what they say to use they are. When personal events are functioning as barriers due to FEAR.

- observing and then questioning our thoughts and detaching when possible. It’s acknowledging feelings and then not turning our choices and power over them.

Fear disguised as jealousy:

- can be traced back to FEAR: loss, less, or never - fear of loss of a partner, fear of less time/devotion/attention from a partner, never seeing partner again, never having them look at us in a special way, etc.

Techniques:

- Thank your brain

- Treat your brain as a separate entity.

- Label thoughts (i.e. that’s a silly thought)

- Silliness and Songs: use silly voices to make them less serious

- Name your Story: (i.e. Jealousy Story A)

- Create and name your jealousy gremlin: “Thank you for that jealousy, but I’ve got it from here, please go back to your room.“

- Thoughts cannot hurt you, you can ignore them!

- Leaves on a stream: imagine your thought perched on a leaf in a stream and floating away from you. (or whatever)

Defusion Skill Goal: give yourself space so you don’t always act on your thoughts or be impulsive which can be damaging.

Compassion (Meditation)

15 mins a day - guided meditation

- app, body position, receiving compassion-loving-kindness

- Think of your partner and others around you giving you warmth and kindess. Then reserve it and repeat, “may you live w/ ease, may you be happy, may you be free from pain.”

Focus on someone else and say, “Just as I wish to, you may be safe, may you be healthy, may you live w/ ease and happiness.”

Focus on someone else again and say: may your life be filled with happiness, health, and well-being.

Think of who your partner is seeing and say: “just as I wish to, you may also live with ease and happiness.”

Then expand to the word, “Just as I wish, may you live w/ ease, happiness, and good health.”

Take a deep breathe in, then out. Notice your state of mind, how you feel, open your eyes.

You can also make it more simple and say: “May I happy. May I be peaceful. May I forgive myself.”

Commitment to your core personal values:

- Ask yourself: How would a person who holds this as a core value act?

Two types of values:

- Fear - Based/HAVE to’s: these values spur you to take action to avoid something, “I have to do this or else.”

- Conscious-Based/WANT to’s: these values allow you to take positive action

How to figure out core values:

- Open relationships: what is important to you as a partner in open relationships?

- What do you want to stand for as a partner in open relationships?

- What sort of personal strengths and qualities do you want to culviate as a partner in an open relationship?

- How do you want to behave as a partner in an open relationship?

5 values I chose from a list: autonomy, connection, boundaries, adventure, and fulfillment and top 3 from this list: autonomy, connection, and boundaries

Communication:

Tool 1: Know when to hold ‘em: Red Light: push pause button on conflict

make good choices by:

1) Red Light: Regulate emotions, make sure your partner is also calm and regulated

- ask yourself when you’re having emotions/jealousy/etc: Am I creating this drama myself? How am I contributing to this situation? When all you see is the green fog of jealousy, be patient with yourself and take a setp back.

2) Remember your relationship goals: think about what you want from your relationship, what kind of responses you want from them, choose the type of communication accordingly.

think: do you want to be right? Do you want to connect? Do you want to increase the love and happiness you have in your life with your partner and have a deeper understanding?

Yellow light: slow down, think before you speak!

4 ways to communicate:

- people often respond to conflict and relationship issues: Exit, Neglect, Loyalty, and Voice (ENLV)

- Exit: I’m Leaving

- Neglect: I’m ignoring you and your needs.

- Loyalty: I hope things bet better

- Voice: I would like to talk about this.

Success is partly related to uncomfortable situations we ahve.

Dos & Donts

- DO: Have an accountable conversation about needs and values

- Disclosure (feelings, needs, values)

- Deepening understanding (asking questions, discussing problems, trying to understand different perspectives)

- Problem solving activity (suggestion solutions to problems, trying to make changes, trying to reach an understanding)

- Seeking outside help (seeking him from a support group, coach, counselor)

DONT’S

- Engage in emotional distancing

- Engage in verbal aggression

- Engage in manipulation

- Engage in violence

- Engage in demand-withdrawl

- Threatened to disrupt relationship

Green Light: non-violent communication

- contains two parts: honestly expressing ourselves to others and listening empathically to others

- Observations: aim is to describe what we are reacting to concretely, specifically, and neutrally, emphasizing observation helps us take responsibility for our reactions by directing our attention to our needs as the source of our feelings, rather than faults of the other person

Feelings: expressing what I feel instead of what the other person is doing

Needs: needs are an expression of our deepest shared humanity. Understanding, naming, and connecting w/ our needs helps us to both imporve our relationships w/ ourselves.

Requests: making requests allow us to assess how likely we are to get cooperation for particular strategies we have in mind for meeting our needs. Example: Would you tell me how you feel about this?  The other person is allowed to say no, this is information for us and our request is too much for the other person. Be concrete, “I would like to spend 3 nights a week with you.” When our request is clear, the other person is more likely to listen to us

Empathy: Expressing our own observations, feelings, needs, and requests to other is also part of non-violent communication

- empathetic connection can sometimes happen silently, but in terms of conflict, verbally communicating to another person that we understand their feelings & needs matter to us can be a powerful turning point in challenge situations.  We respect that the other person is the authority for what is going on w/ them

Observation: When you see/hear/blank

Feeling: Are you feeling?

Need: Because you need ...

Request: And would you like ... ?

Self-empathy: in self-empathy, we bring the same compassion to ourselves. Self-empathy at times like this has the power to transform our disconnected state of being and return us to our compassionate intention and present-oriented attention. With practice, many people find that self-empahy alone sometimes resolves inner conflict and conflict w/ others

Summary: What I observe A, I feel B, because I need C. Would you be willing to?

Examples: What I observe:

- see, hear, feel, notice, remember, think about

I feel:

annoyed, angry, disgusted, uneasy, detached, stressed, embarssed, tired, sad, vulnerable, scared, hurt

Because I need:

- Safety, respect, empahty, honesty, love, mutality, to be valued, support, trust, play, accetpance, autonomy

Would you be willing to: (douable, related to present, not a demand: spend more time with me this weekend or reassure me about your feelings)

Active listening:

- Subjective what we do most of the time, focused on the needs of the listener

- Ojbective listening: focused totally on the person who is speaking, it’s effective but doesn’t truly get to the heart of the matter. It does make the listener be heard.

- Active/intuitive listening - listening to all sensory components and intitively conecting to partner’s message, active/intuitive listeners pay attention to the speaker’s real message.

Pattern:

Listen: in order to fully understand what the person is saying to you

Ask questions: that helps you get more information, “what did you mean when you said..”

Reflect: what you heard when you partner said so you can be sure you heard correctly

Offer empathy: for what your partner is saying

[itstimetotheorize]

the promise will be broken! warning, 152  spoilers

sooo, lets have a little look over what has happened so far in the promised neverland as well as what may happen now that the royal family is dead

1. there is currently a gigantic army of demons searching for the cattle childrens secret tree base, and for some very odd reason, the demons actually have an idea as to where the children may be.

Whats odd about this whole situation is that the queen never ordered them to do this, she ordered them to go to different demon villages to hunt down the fake rebels Norman made her think were raiding and destroying farms. But if she didn't give the army the order to look for the children, then who did? who would have a greater authority than queen legravalima herself? could it be peter? 

it is his responsibility to make sure the demons and humans are keeping their end of the promise. So maybe he has leverage over all of the demons, this would allow him to do whatever he needs to do if it means maintaining the promise.

2. if the demons do find the tree base, the children will have already been left completely outnumbered now that all their fighters are away at the royal capital with Norman. Not only that, norman and his army are days away from the hideout so even if they do decide to head back now, its possible the majority of the children will have already been captured by the time they arrive.

 sure, Oliver and his team went back to the tree base to warn the children about the demons and prepare for any sudden attacks.

 but in all honesty, I don’t think the other children, besides the ones from the B06-32 shelter, will believe them. What makes me say this? well, since the other children are so dependent on Norman, and because Norman specifically stated no one would ever find the tree hideout, the children may truly believe they will never be found, preventing them from trying to prepare any possible escape, leaving Oliver and his team in a desperate situation to save a bunch of kids who don’t believe they are in terrible danger.  

3. despite Normans final decision to carry out his demon extermination plan, and despite the fact that Norman decided to not wait for Emma, we see here in chapter 152, that for the first time in a long time, Norman is finally beginning to contemplate everything he has done. As norman watches Vincent and Cislo approach the last member of the royal family with blood thirsty eyes, Norman does not look happy with what they are about to do, so he looks away, 

but as he does,

 Norman begins to have a vision of a child Emma and himself looking at him with sadness and grief. Of all the things Norman could have seen, the fact that he saw his childhood self look so unhappy along with Emma, could imply that Norman really didn't want to do what he did. He really did want to wait for Emma, he really did want to consider a different solution. But because of everything that was at stake, because of how lambda made him see the world, because he was so sick and tired of seeing so many children die, and because he knew he may not live long enough to see the world he had hoped to give to emma

 norman decided in the end to carry out his plan, believing that it really was the only way to save everyone. And now that the royal family is dead, Norman tries to ignore his own good conscious as he tries to reasons with the fact that despite what he has done, despite how he really feels on the matter and despite how upset he knows Emma will be, at least now he knows the worst is finally over and the future that he and Emma had hoped for can finally be accomplished....or will it?

4. Peter Ratari, a crazy intelligent and insanely destructive man who is still hell bent on capturing the cattle children and getting rid of anyone that stands in the way of maintaining the promise, has still not made an appearance and is most likely standing behind the shadows, secretly carrying out his next move without anyone suspecting him 

5. we still don’t know what has happened to sweet innocent Phil!. At this point Phil is either still waiting for Emma or worse has finally reached a point of despair that allowed the grace field employees the chance to persuade him into joining them in exchange for at least saving carol and three other kids that phil managed to stay with before being separated from the others....or he could be dead, but lets try not to think about that!

6. before queen legravalima is killed, it is revealed that she was very power hungry. And in order to become queen, she even resorted to killing her own father (the demon king) as well as her siblings. 

whats even worse is the fact that she does not take ??? reward seriously and had in fact wanted to eat Norman herself rather than giving him to ??? as an offering like she was supposed to. 

but to get away with it, she had to send Norman to lambda to give her that chance to eat him. So technically speaking,  legravalima was stealing from ??? and neglecting the demons side of the reward!

I mean, sure, she did present ??? with another offering for the tifari. But what we don’t know is whether ??? accepted it or not. The answer to that lies in the vida plant.

the vida flower is a very important part of tpn, why?,  because just as sonju explained to Emma in chapter 49, if the vida flower fully blooms then that means god (or in this case ???) has accepted the offering presented to him. But now that we know the queen was holding out on ??? by not giving him norman, the flower may have never fully bloomed for that years tifari, meaning that ??? may not have accepted the queens offering!

7. The promise specified that the demon and human world stay separated so long as neither side returns to hunting each other

however, that idea is pretty much now out the window when it came to Norman. 

back in chapter 48,  mujika explains to us that if a human break a promise then they will make an enemy of ???. If this is true, then normans plan not only  succeeded in killing the royal family but it may have also threatened to break the promise itself. If so, then ??? may just end up joining norman, emma and rays reunion at the royal capital!

8. Norman and his demon killing team are still unaware of the fact that ??? really exists. Let alone know that he is actually a supernatural god demon with the personality of a child who is crazy powerful to the point where he can even separate worlds and destroy anything or anyone that gets in the way of his reward or the promise. As i said before, if ??? really does show up to the castle after  learning that the queen denied him his reward and learning that Norman had broken one of the promises, then Vincent and the others may try to kill ??? once they see him go after Norman, however, I don’t think they will fair very well against a god deity should they decide to attack

9. we still don’t know what the reward Emma agreed to is, but considering ??? sick sense of humor, we at least know that is has got to be something very dear to her.

 emmas promise asked for all the cattle kids to be sent to the human world as well as for ??? to make it impossible for humans and demons to cross into each others worlds. Now, in order to figure out just what the reward is, first, think about emmas dream for a second. Emmas dream is to create a world where she can be happy with her family, she wants to live a life free of ever being considered food for another creature. 

Now look back at ??? idea of what kind of reward he wants from someone. No matter who it is, ??? wants that persons dearest thing as his reward. When julius ratari made his promise with ??? 1000 years ago we knew that he made the promise because he was tired of fighting with the demons, he was tired of all the sacrifice and war that came with it. 

All julius wanted was to be free from all that struggle, he wanted to return home knowing that despite sacrificing his friends to ??? he would at least have the chance to finally put the past behind him and forget about what he did. To him, that sacrifice was well worth it now that he has ensured a future for humans to live free of the demons ( this included himself). Even more shocking, is that julius ratari was even willing to sacrifice himself for the promise because even in death he would still be at peace, free from all the wars with the demons as well as his guilt over sacrificing his friends.

So.... when ??? does asks julius for his reward to separate the two worlds, what does he end up asking julius for?, 

??? decides that he wants julius to act as gatekeeper to both worlds, he forces julius and his decedents to forever be involved with the demons and have julius be plagued by the horrible sacrifice he had hoped to forget about, for the rest of his life!

??? took Juliuses desire to finally rest in peace along with the other humans! Knowing this and knowing that the only thing emma wants is to live happily with her family, ??? may have decided to take away that happiness and force her to stay with the very demons that wanted to eat her and her family, and as an ironic twist, perhaps shirai will have emma live the remainder of her life as the very creature she had hoped to save, a demon. Now is it possible for ??? to turn humans into demons? who knows...maybe.

10. Lewis might still be alive! . Lewis body was never found in the goldy pond village. Many have theorized that the monkey he was always carrying around was actually an extension of himself, and carried his real eye just as a fail safe in case anyone ever tried to kill him. He is the demon queens sister after all, so not including humans, lewis might have always been cautious about other demons trying to kill him.

11. we still dont know who mujika is, let alone why she is the only demon in history to have the power to turn other demons into non-human eaters.

12. what happened to isabella?! she was grace fields top caretaker so I don’t think they would get rid of her that easily 

13.  and last but not least, We still don’t know what the human world is like, let alone if any cattle children in the past actually managed to escape there.

so in conclusion, and per story line rules, now that everything seems to good to be true, now that normans plan seems to have succeed without an sort of problem, and now that none of the other major threats of the series have been re-addressed in a significant amount of time, then logically speaking, everything norman and emma had hoped to accomplish for all cattle children will come crashing down

[ancientbooshartifacts]

Broken Mirrors

Author: Evil_Kingdom

Year: 2010

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Vince/Richmond

Another Night, Another Bar...

Richmond takes a sip from his drink, some fruity dark red coloured drink, hell if he can remember what the name is. He takes a long gulp, shuttering at the after taste of alcohol. He thinks to himself what a weak man he is, far from what others he works with are like. Even Moss is stronger then him, and to everyone that says a lot.

But I thought you liked Moss?....

I do.

But you know he doesnt like you right?....

I know. No one likes me.

Oh dont be so hard on yourself Richie...

Shut up inner thought. Im tired of you being the only one to talk to.

He shakes his head, believing that maybe going out for a bit of air will be the solution to his problem. He gulped down the rest of his drink, places it carefully on the table, looks a round the room to see people giving him odd and funny looks

See? Maybe if you only dressed like them... maybe the would actually like you...

Not you too inner evil thought. Shut up

Richmond gives his head a big shake, then flattens out his long dark hair back into place. He then takes the steps through the crowd of people dancing irratically to the DJ with the toys up in the booth. He thinks to himself that maybe it was a bad day to come to the bar, a day when there is just too many people around. Not that he really minds that there are people around, it just isnt his type of people, so it makes for more awkward moments.

He instantly feels the cold air wrap around him as he pushes open the door. He cracks a small smile, feeling the comfort of a familiar friend

Hello Wind, nice to feel you again

He leans against the cold wall, closing his eyes for a brief moment, trying to collect all his thoughts and feelings.

Maybe I should just go home... Its not like im going to find anyone tonight.

Maybe you will never find anyone....

I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP.

He lets out an exasperated cry, slamming his fits beside him into the wall. Tears start to gather in his eyes as he opens them, looking up into the shine of the moon,

It will be ok Richie, it will all work out soon....

Thanks moon, I can always count on you.

Im the Mooonnn....

Looking out onto the darkness of the streets, he sees gaggles of people, all sorts of people, dancing and being happy, drunk and laughing.

Why cant I be like them? Why cant I have some friends?

Richmond sighs again, standing up a bit straighter, rubbing the scratches on his hands.

No need to be sad anymore. Im better then this, I can get through this.

Being depressed just makes you a stereotypical goth Richie...

Thats right inner thought. And I'm not one to be stereotypical.

Pushing off from the wall, brushing his hands softly over his dark red velvet jacket, he gives himself a smile. Tomorrow will be a better night, tomorrow he will find someone to talk to.

Tomorrow tomorrow...

Richmond stares at himself in the mirror, checking every pore on his skin.

Perfect whiteness. Though I could lay off the sun a bit more, then it would be more perfect.

You know its fashionable to have a tan now a days Richie...

I know. But thats not who I am, I am a confident attractive young man.

Just keep telling yourself that....

Shut up inner evil thought. You cannot ruin my mood today. I am going to go out a meet someone. Just you watch me.

Giving himself a big smile, flashing his clean and white teeth, he applies the final stages of his eye makeup, adding a touch of black glitter to the corners of his eyes making his blue eyes sparkle.

Moving to the closet double doors he looks into rows of reds, deep purples and blues, hints of green, and rows upon rows of black. But at the very end, far back in the walk in closet, you can see a hint of his past, 3 normal suits still hang from bar, still unable to give away the last of the past.

He holds onto them thinking one day, one day, he may actually have the want to try them on, try on what he used to be, what it was like to be the cool guy, the guy with talent, friends, and a job that doesn't include staring at flashing buttons in the basement.

As he grabs his favourite creepers, a pair of black spiderweb socks, and a deep purple button up jacket, he sits on his bed and begins to hum a Cure song, one that he cant seem to get out of his head...

Oh please don't ask me who i am

Or when and where my life began

Or why i ended up like this or how

Standing up he brushes himself off and walks out into his hallway, out the front door, and on to the streets. Walking at a slow pace he watches the moon that sits high up into the night sky, surrounded by little stars, faint to see in the brightness of the cities lights. Continuing down the street, turning left, then making a right, he finds himself smack dab in the middle of bar and nightclub alley.

Now which one shall I pray upon tonight... hmmm decisions, decisions.

You make it sound as if you will have people just throwing themselves at you when you enter the doorway, you do know you will probably drink yourself stupid and wander home, just like every weekend.

Shut up inner evil thought. I told you. Tonight is my night. Tonight I will come home victorious. Gotta be confident, show them that Im a great person.

Richmond smiles to himself, confidence beaming through him like a flaming dagger sword from his heart.

And then he sees him.

The perfect figure of a man.

Gleaming black hair, shiny with product, perfect shape and placement

But not a goth.

Richmond gives a questionable look, heart beating faster in his chest.

Well he is a he...right?

That doesn't change anything, Im quite happy with any sexual preference. Not to say i'm not picky, but love is love you know, it doesn't have a gender.

For the first time in his life, his heart beats fast, quickens his pace, and jogs up to the club, slipping through the door, staring at the slight in front of him

Lights gleam from the ceiling, flooding the crowd with different colours, music loudly playing, but not loud enough to destroy eardrums. Not a bad selection of music, thankfully, Richmond hoping that there wouldnt be an idiot DJ tonight. He searches the club trying to find the man with the perfect hair... Bingo. Right next to the bar, sitting alone.

Here's my chance. Don't fuck it up.

He takes a deep breath, straightens out his clothes, fixes his hair, and makes a casual walk towards the bar.

“One cherry vodka sour please.”

He leans on the bar, trying to be casual and confident, thinking to himself that it probably doesn't look the case, but as long as he doesn't look ridiculous, its all that matters.

Well there he is Richie... go for it..

I will I will. Don't pressure me. You know what happens when I get pressured.

You get all clammy and your voice goes all squeaky and then people stare and laugh at you....

Thanks for the reminder asshole.

Richmond turns and glances towards the man. He makes eye contact, seeing full well the man beside him is staring. His face goes pink, but he can't look away...

“Can I help you? Are you starin' at me for a reason?” The dark haired man tilts his head

“Uhh... ummm... no, I was just looking over, sorry to bother you. I don't mean to make any trouble..”

Youre pathetic Richie. What happened to your confidence?...

“I don't mean to be mean, you don't have to get all defensive.” The man gives a small laugh,

“My name is Vince, Vince Noir, you probably heard about me, I am the king of Camden Town”

The man, Vince, flashes one of the most gorgeous smiles he's ever seen, his confidence clears.

“Umm no, sorry, I haven't heard about you...”

But I would love to..

Richie go for it. Give him something else to smile about....

“My name is Richmond, and I would love to find out why everyone knows you”

Richmond tries to give himself a confidence boost, giving a small cheeky smile, turning back to pay the bartender and grab his drink.

“Would you like a drink? My treat?” Richmond glances over Vince, seeing that he chooses the glam rock style, not something he is used to, but man does he make it look hot. He slowly gives him a once over, looking at his tight shiny shirt, trailing down to his black tight pants...

His eyes linger on his bulge, his perfectly pressed bulge against his pants, perfect...

“Oi mate, eyes up here, k love?” Vince flashes a coy smile, giving a small chuckle

He snaps out of his daze, face going red

“Im sorry, I didnt mean to, I mean I wasnt..”

if your face could get any redder, you would be a tomato.

“I'll take you up on your drink offer, a flirtini please, extra sour” Vince motions for him to take a seat beside him, giving him a cheeky grin.

He returns with drinks, placing his preferred drink in front of him, sliding into the booth beside him.

Now what are you going to do Richie? You cant just get him wasted you know

I know that... Im working on it.

“You alright mate? You arent the drug type are you?” Vince tilts his head towards Richmond, catching his eye, “You look a bit spaced out. I hope im not boring you or nothin”

“Oh no, no... no problem. Im just not used to someone being nice to me, usually I get brushed off quick and that is that” Richmond tries to smile it off, like its nothing.

Vince grins, his hand slowly creeping up Richmond's leg, stopping to grab his thigh. “Good. A pretty boy like you wanted to know about me, so heres how it starts”

Popping the cherry from his drink into his mouth he leans over, hand trailing down Richmond's thigh. His mouth getting ever so close, Richmond feeling his alcoholic breath push against his face, heart racing a mile a minute.

This is it. He is actually into me

Richmond leans forward, opening his mouth, tongue flicking forward hitting the cherry stem, before closing the gap with his lips..

Tonight be all i dream

There isn't any yesterday

Tomorrow starts a day away

This here and now with you is how

Always should always be

This

Here and now

With you