#dude i think he exterminated the entire base

[eorzeashan]

andronikos carries eight back to base covered head to toe in blood and beskar shards and everyone's like oh my god what happened does he need medical attention and andronikos has a thousand yard stare and is like yeah he needs a medic. but not for him. not for him....*entire mando population of ruhnuk completely decimated*

[rainbowmothed]

︵︵ MISC. HAZBIN HOTEL HEADCANONS

╰ ⋯ ➢ just some random hcs i thought of off the top of my head!! ♡ as always, reblogs and likes appreciated! includes both main cast and heaven hcs. :3

𝜚 ₎ MAIN CAST HCS

Vaggie says stuff like “rad,” “dude,” etcetera unironically and definitely gets made fun of for it. Mostly by Cherri and Angel– Pentious says it is ‘hashtag trending awesome sauce.’

Vaggie sets 6 alarms in the morning, all with custom minute intervals between the snooze alarms to make SURE she doesn't sleep through it. Charlie doesn't mind, though, mainly because she wakes up at four in the morning to work on projects anyway.

Charlie has made playlists for everyone in the hotel on hell's equivalent of spotify; Vaggie's is the most well thought out, but they all describe them very well. Alastor never listens to it due to his dislike for modern technology/apps, but he appreciates it– or at least acts like he does– nonetheless.

Charlie definitely rides on Alastor's shoulders like a little kid bro IDC WHAT U SAY

Vaggie has cried ONCE in front of the rest of the hotel after being genuinely dogged on repeatedly on one of the worst days of her life, and they all just stared at her in shock. They hate on her so much because it never impacts her– or so they think so, because Vaggie always shrugs it off. They refuse to talk about it.

Vaggie's spice tolerance is unmatched.

Each night, Charlie visits Pentious’ memorial and wraps a weighted blanket around it, saying that maybe it'd remind him of the Egg Bois and the way they snuggled around him in the afterlife.

Vaggie is a huge Hunger Games fan. 90% of her personality derives from Katniss Everdeen.

Adding onto the last one, if Charlie and Vaggie were to have a child, I feel like it'd have the personality of Lucy Gray Baird.

Niffty definitely writes strange fanfiction. Also has BL as her header on the Hell's equivalent of Twitter. She's a little twisted, but we love her.

Cherri is an absolute menace. That is the best word to describe her.

Angel and Cherri did the “screaming in public restrooms” prank once.

Everyone assumed Charlie was mid-20s until she dropped the bomb that she's over 200 years old. They were all flabbergasted (minus Vaggie, who already knew. Angel also called her a “gilf lover.”)

Angel asked Vaggie about her body count once to tick her off, and she answered “around 1,000 or so, roughly estimated,” thinking he meant kill count. Charlie was shook.

Vaggie is a Paramore, Flyleaf, Evanescence, etcetera fan. Proud listener to 2000s emo girl music.

Charlie's guilty pleasure is punk/metal/rock music. She says she only listens to “Taylor Swift and musicals,” but she has a hidden playlist with KORN, PTV, and all of those bands on it.

Angel wakes Husk up by blasting Ayesha Erotica songs into his ear occasionally since Husk is a heavy sleeper and refuses to get up sometimes.

Pentious calls himself a “semi-proud father of the Egg Bois.”

Charlie ran a hate page about Katie Killjoy. She has since moved on from it... probably.

𝜚 ₎ HEAVEN HCS

Vaggie definitely played about 100 sports back in Heaven. Fencing, soccer, and, bare with me here, she definitely did ballet. She refuses to admit so, however.

The exorcists actually aren't brought into the world as adults. Instead, they're raised by volunteer parents of Heaven their entire lives, starting fighting training at age 6 or so. They claim that “children's brains are easier to mold.” Basically, they're taught to be murder weapons from a very, very young age. It's also instinctive, but it's the training that truly brings it out.

Each exterminator is based on a different bird breed, but the most common are eagles, falcons, hawks, and generally predatory avians.

The Exterminators are also very fast flyers, and they establish the quickest flyers through racing. Vaggie was formerly the fastest until she was cast down to Hell. Now, the fastest is Lute.

Adam also referees these races, and instead of a gun or whistle to start them off, he uses his guitar.

[oleanderblume]

Ima say that Charlie's mom has Alastor's soul and he became the radio demon and gained his power in exchange for doing her bidding, based on what's been shown, souls are immortal unless sold to another sinner/demon. So my assumption is Alastor gained the souls of other overlords in order to be able to kill them, OR, he didn't kill them and is/was emmassing an army for Lilith. She seems to be left out of the story, but heaven's talk about "another uprising" makes me think that there was one previously, began by Lilith, not Lucifer.

Lucifer is an angel afterall, a fallen one, but an angel nontheless, and if his banishment to hell was punishment for his perceived transgression, and Lilith convinced him in the past to stage an uprising against heaven, it stands to reason why he wouldn't do it again with Charlie's life on the line.

My guess is Lilith started the first uprising, and that failed, prompting the exterminations to start happening, and after Charlie was born and the exterminations still persisted, Lilith probably wanted to do another uprising. But Lucifer would have been much more reluctant to do that when he has a daughter to protect.

So lilith leaves, taking Alastor to do her own planning over that 7 year gap. Then she hears about Charlie's plan, sends Alastor to protect her and the hotel, while she's still working on the next war effort.

At least...that's my guess at what's been going on.

It also makes sense why Alastor is so uniquely invested in the hotel and why he haaates Lucifer. He's the step dad of the situation lol.

Also, I just love Lucifer and his whole personality, Charlie takes after him in almost every way and its adorable lol.

The shows pacing is kind of suffering in the time scale department, i think it would have served the plot better if it were released spaced out similarly to Helluvaboss, because the binge format isn't conducive to the massive assumed time jump between episode 4 and episode 5. But that's more to do with the platform and way the episodes are being released, than the actual writing of the show.

The first 4 episodes take place over the course of 3 or 4 months, not in direct succession. And the last 2 episodes will probably take place during the last month before extermination, and then the season finale on the day of extermination. That pacing makes sense, but because of the way the episodes are released, it doesn't *feel* that way initially. Not the fault of the writers, more so the fault of Amazon's bizarre releasing schedule.

The philosophy of the show is really neat, reminescent of The Good Place. Where heaven is ridiculously underpopulated because of the archaic rules that gatekeep almost everyone out of heaven, and hell is overpopulated because the system of judgment is so off balance that it doesn't account for modern morality and extenuating circumstances. <- this is basically the same as The Good Place, but with more furries and more direct reference to Christian theology.

So far, i like it a lot, and im interested to see where it diverges from The Good Place.

I doubt Charlie is going to stay mad at Vaggie for long, for one she didn't seem particularly shaken in the first place, and Vaggie has shown her devotion to Charlie's cause from the start, her being an angel and her past of being and exterminator being a major hang up for Charlie would contradict Charlie's entire philosophy of "people are capable of change"

Also, i don't think Angel will get to heaven, in fact, i think he would get there and choose to stay in hell because hell is actually better than heaven in a lot of ways— especially if you're looking at it from the specifically Christian lense. Heaven wouldn't tolerate the things most souls would *want* as a part of their paradise, especially not by modern standards.

I honestly think that heaven will be described, as it has been thus far, as only accepting to the hyper religious zealot sorts that are deeply hypocritical— why else would Adam be there? Dude is the epitome of a red-pilled mysogynist dickwad. He likely got into heaven based solely on his kissup nature to the presiding God.

on what is considered appropriate behavior.

I think this is the general criticism the show is going for, a solid combination of critiquing the functionality of a system like heaven and hell, and a critique of the "virtues" one would be required to follow in order to get there.

Fuck, even Lucifer was taken aback by Charlie being in a queer relationship. To me that speaks a lot to the values *he* as an angel, was taught.

[godhoodandgirlhood]

I will now spew my shitty opinions on the internet yet again, but this time TOTAL DRAMA (Gen 1 edition :])

these are opinions. don't get mad.

Ezekiel: during his elimination episode, I was pissed at him, but by the time total drama drama drama drama drama island hit I wasn't that upset tbh. He didn't deserve to go feral, and his issue was fixable (unlike some other bitch up for elimination that episode >:^( ) stop the Zeke abuse y'all

EVA! 😍😍😍😍😍: I love her and my whole world revolves around her. I would be nothing without Eva. If you don't stan Eva get off my page (/hj). Live, laugh, love, Eva. Friendly reminder we wouldn't exist without Queen Eva. She is so girlboss she literally ate a goalie net, broke records, and did stunt work on the side. Everyone bow for our queen.

Noah: don't hate me, but he gets too much hype. I still love him and think he has some of the best oneliners but he is so dry other than that. A fucking chicken without seasoning. This sounds hypocritical based off my Eva opinion, but Noah was in three seasons and Eva was in only one. Noah's only plot relevance was being cynical and sarcastic, being sus of Alejandro, and simping for Emma, yet he has a million and one stans.

Justin: I preferred it when he didn't speak.

Katie & Sadie: I also would prefer it if you didn't speak.

Tyler: wasted potential in season 3 and was also eliminated too early in season 1. I wish we could have seen the lyler breakup on screen, probably because of Alejandro or something. Anyways, sign my petition for a Tyler queer storyline.

Izzy: I hope they make the execution legal again for her and only her. Firing squad, stoning, anything just to get rid of this godforsaken MENACE. Worst member of team e-scope and it's literally named after her.

Cody: call the police girl you are in severe danger!! File a restraining order, beat her up, ANYTHING BRO YOU ARE A VICTIM. But also you're a worthless simp who is literally the most accurate depiction of a teenage boy on total drama other than like Noah. Also, this boy is literally abused. Neglected. Someone give this boy a hug (Not you Sierra get tf away).

Beth: don't care, didn't ask.

Courtney: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP. I have an intense hatred for Courtney. For the majority of her time on the show I wanted to wring her neck and replace her blood with acetone. Btw boyfriend kisser isn't even that much of bop and is one of my least favorite songs.

Harold: fetishists stan Harold. He fetishes Leshawna and doesn't fucking leave her alone. Don't play pirates with him.

Trent: worst rep of ocd I've ever seen in my whole entire being. Also boring as he'll and I hope he gets stepped on.

Bridgette: she lost me after season 1 but before her venture to superhell she was nice I guess.

Lindsay: please give this girl a single brain cell omg. It feels so wrong to applaud her for doing something remotely smart because SHES SO FUCKING STUPID. She probably doesn't even know simple addition dude. Get rid of the dumb blonde stereotype before I bite your skull.

DJ: the second the animal curse started, I took DJ's six feet height and buried myself in it. I passed away. My soul still lingers to haunt the ho who did this to best boy.

Geoff: god, shut up

Leshawna: black stereotype PERIOD. She's good but oh my god she's a racist stereotype

Duncan: eat dirt and die bitch.

Heather: literally is racist and stuff but okay. I'll take a stiletto heel and stab this absolute loser in the throat damn.

Gwen: I hope the cyan hair dye seeps into her skull and she fucking dies.

Owen: if the man doesn't stop burping and farting I will find his home and burn it, cake it in asbestos, and make him inhale the toxic gases. When he's dying on the hospital bed, I'll stuff a baby down his throat and punch him in the face.

Sierra: jail. Now. Criminal. It is illegal for someone this fucked up to exist. Exterminate this pest at your earliest convenience.

Alejandro: you're a fucking donkey. Now eat some shit and die Al.

[kaibutsushidousha]

Tribe Nine progress report #00 (part 1)

Translations from the official Tribe Nine website, supplemented with things that were said on stream.

Character names are in Japanese order because that's how they're officially romanized.

Also, I'll be posting this in multiple parts because I reached the image limit on this post.

World

In the country of Neotokyo, year 20XX, youth with no hope for society's future form Tribes to find a place to call home.

With time, the disputes between Tribes continued to grow more and more violent. The situation was very intense in the eyes of the Neotokyo government, so they enforced the XB Law, which limited the quarrels between Tribes to only Extreme Baseball.

Pitch, bat, and trade blows. The youths were crazy over this radical pride-staking game.

XB (Extreme Baseball)

A duel method similar to baseball, designed to settle conflicts between Tribes. As determined by the XB Law, the loser must obey the winner's order(s).

Runners and the fielder with the ball can initiate battles with each other for the right to reach a base. The slugfests between players equipped with body-enhancing gear are XB's greatest trademark.

Rules

The games must be played late at night when there are no longer any onlookers.

The games will use the entire City as its field.

Batters are only out by tag out or by strike out.

There is no home run. In case of an extra-base hit, the runner(s) can run through the bases until they initiate a battle against the fielder with the ball.

A fielder with the ball is allowed to initiate a battle against a runner, staking the runner's right to reach a base.

Players can equip XB Gear to enhance their physical abilities.

Anything can be used as XB Gear, as long as it's approved by the Judge Robot acting as the umpire for the game.

The win condition is either scoring more points than the opposing team or knocking out the opponents in battle.

The winner can give any order to the loser.

Characters

[This section will have some character profiles for a few Tribes, but before that, I'll have to go over some elements that were only explained in a previous interview and in the stream. The game will contain 23 Tribes, each themed after one of the 23 wards of Tokyo. The names of the Tribes here all match the names of the wards they represent. Their base concepts will be all about local stereotypes, of course, but in the stream, Kodaka compared them to One Piece pirate crews in terms of how much individuality the characters will get within the team.]

Minato Tribe

A Tribe famed as the strongest in Neotokyo. They value the bonds between teammates and genuinely enjoy XB.

[The Minato ward is the ward where the Tokyo Tower (also called Minato Tower) is. Due to holding the symbol of the city, Kodaka chose it to be the ward of the anime's protagonist Tribe.]

Kamiya Shun (Leader)

CV: Akira Ishida

Birthday: February 22nd

Height: 179 cm

Weight: 65 kg

Voice sample 1: Let's enjoy one more game.

Voice sample 2: I'll show you how to topple the Minato Tower.

"What could be more exciting than XB?"

The founder and leader of the Minato Tribe, as well as the main reason why they're considered the strongest. He is one of the very few Beam Bat users. He's as top tier as you'd expect as a pitcher and batter, not to mention he's unmatched at a fistfight.

He enjoys unchallenged popularity on the XB field, but he also has a more goofy side. His antics include giving his teammate incomprehensible nicknames and getting hungover on coffee, among others.

Shirokane Haru

CV: Shun Horie

Birthday: January 20th

Height: 160 cm

Weight: 47 kg

Voice sample 1: My name is Haru. Shirokane Haru.

Voice sample 2: If I can really hit this swing...

"If I really have potential... I wanna give it a try!"

A timid bullied boy. He was getting into trouble with the town's delinquents as usual when Kamiya and Taiga saved him. He was bound by his own perceived uselessness, but Kamiya noticed his natural agility, wits, and keen eyes and he was invited to use these "weapons" of him for the Minato Tribe.

Taiga

CV: Chiharu Sawashiro

Birthday: October 10th

Height: 182 cm

Weight: 76 kg

Voice sample 1: I'll beat Kamiya Shun and become the best player!

Voice sample 2: The match only starts when you get to the batter's box.

You got nothing to worry about, you got me as the captain on this ride aboard the S.S. Big Ship Taiga, where S.S. stands for "safe and sound"!

A hot-blooded boy who came to Neotokyo from the other side of the ocean in pursuit of one dream: winning against the strongest man, Kamiya Shun! He joins the Minato Tribe along with Haru. He's a novice in XB and struggles to memorize the rules, but he keeps challenging his opponents with his dauntless courage and the brute strength he's so proud of.

Arisugawa Saori (Vice-Leader)

CV: Mai Fuchigami

Birthday: November 22nd

Height: 162 cm

Weight: 43 kg

Voice sample 1: The Minato Tribe never says no to anyone wanting to join or leave. You can stay as long as you want.

Voice sample 2: Raise your arm higher and put more strength into your swing.

There's no ball I can't catch!

The Minato Tribe's vice-leader. Despite her frail looks, she's an outstanding catcher, capable of stopping even Kamiya's blazing fastballs. She takes charge, commanding Minato's ensemble of oddballs since Kamiya is too careless to be a real leader.

No one values the members of Minato's team more than her, but she is extremely strict about rules and morals, never hesitating to unload a cartridge of her favorite airsoft gun on a transgressing teammate.

Mita Santarou

CV: Mutsumi Tamura

Birthday: March 30th

Height: 150 cm

Weight: 44 kg

Voice sample 1: I know talent when I see it.

Voice sample 2: The first thing rookies do is carry my stuff. That's the law of Minato.

T-those dudes are no match for me...! Ok, you guys go take them on!

A member of the Minato Tribe. He claims to be the ace of the team but is actually just a reserve pitcher. He's a pervert and a sleazeball and often gets punished by Arisugawa for it, but he shows no signs of wanting to fix his flaws.

He tends to abuse his seniority over the new members, but he's as caring and friendly as he is unreasonably bossy.

Daimon Manami

CV: Fukushi Ochiai

Birthday: July 20th

Height: 191 cm

Weight: 180 kg

Voice sample 1: I accept all forms of gratitude and cake.

Voice sample 2: You gotta swing hard but without straining yourself.

Don't forget to eat well before a game of XB.

A member of the Minato Tribe. He's always supporting the other members with his gentle personality and great cooking. Minato's base of operation is Lovely Ocean, a restaurant he runs.

Despite his usual calm, no one can stop him when he snaps.

[Translation note: Manami means "lovely ocean"]

Aoyama Kazuki

CV: Shouya Chiba

Birthday: May 18th

Height: 174 cm

Weight: 57 kg

Voice sample 1: Huhu, even if I can't use my left arm anymore, my brain is still much better than yours, stupid people.

Voice sample 2: Timing is essential in our next strategy, I'll be giving the commands. It'd be easier for all of you since you won't have to think.

"You'll be my pawns."

A mysterious boy who suddenly appeared asking to join the Minato Tribe. He can't properly play XB because his left hand is injured. But for unknown reasons, he's very knowledgeable about XB tactics and how to handle a Beam Bat and makes full use of his ingenuity to bring victory to Minato.

He seems to have some kind of goal in approaching the Minato Tribe, but what could it be?

Chiyoda Tribe

A tribe under the patronage of the king of Neotokyo. They have been suppressing many other Tribes all over the country to ostentate their power.

[Chiyoda is the ward where the Palace is, so the Chiyoda Tribe are the guys with political power]

Ootori Oujirou (Leader)

CV: Jun'ichi Suwabe

Birthday: September 26th

Height: 192 cm

Weight: 78 kg

Voice sample 1: Can you entertain me, even a little?

Voice sample 2: A game needs blood. In eras where giants clash, the people are waiting for battles that spray blood and shatter bone.

"Winning is everything. There is nothing else I need."

The leader of the Chiyoda Tribe, and heir to Ootori Tenshin, the king of Neotokyo. Tenshin trained him since he was a child to be the strongest XB player.

He challenges teams all over Neotokyo to prove he is the best.

Ootori Tenshin (King of Neotokyo)

CV: Hiroshi Naka

Birthday: January 31st

Height: 177 cm

Weight: 51 kg

Voice sample 1: None is allowed to disobey the Ootori family! It's the masses to duty to kneel before me. Am I wrong?

Voice sample 2: Every single one of those so-called big shots sullying my Chiyoda must be exterminated! Go show them the power of the Ootori family!

"Through XB, you must show that that the power of the Ootori family is absolute!"

The king of Neotokyo. He's strongly obsessed with XB, to the point he trained his heir Oujirou since childhood to be the best player.

After that, he founded the Chiyoda Tribe with Oujirou as the leader.

He aims to trample all Tribes in the country in XB to ostentate the strength of the Ootori family.

CV: Mikako Komatsu

Birthday: March 15th

Height: 170 cm

Weight: 46 kg

Voice sample 1: As you wish.

Voice sample 2: I honestly and absolutely believe you will get the result you desire.

"Only death awaits the enemies of the Ootori family."

Ootori Tenshin's secretary. To the public, she's nothing more than a modest secretary, but her secret is that she's a cold-blooded agent, capable of doing anything for the sake of the Ootori family.

Countless people who criticized or plotted to opposed the Ootori family's plans may or may not have been to their grave by her hand.

[akaluan]

Time-travel??? OwO

So this was spawned bc Ser wanted to see Valerio in a fic somehow. But, you know, the dude dies before the game even starts, so how do?

Time travel, of course!

Cut for plan:

So the idea of this one goes off of the Good Ending, where the MC and co walk through the red mist and see what's outside.

Louis says at one point that, when the red mist went up, there'd been transmissions from outside that they'd collected, all of them being cries for help.

Combined with my theory earlier today, about how the invasion cycle goes, and our VERY QUICK INTRO TO A HORROR WITHIN FIVE MINUTES OF THE MIST GOING DOWN, I don't think there's jack shit outside the mist. I think practically everyone and everything is dead. I think it's a horrifying mess out beyond the red mist, and the people inside the Gaol are some of the last living fragments of humanity.

And I think that MC and co realize that pretty quickly. I think they end up finding some tiny fragments of humanity who've been running and hiding for decades now, and they bring them back into the safety of the red mist. But every time they go outside, it takes them longer to find survivors. Longer to find ANYTHING except Horrors and death and decay.

Hell, maybe there's even a true "queen" in the process of generating.

So I think, at some point, a couple months after they've started this, MC ends up visiting Io's tree with the amber bead, and tells her everything. I think he talks it all out, tells her his fears, tells her that he's not so sure they can win this, that the Horrors have just had too long to grow stronger on their own, that there's nothing left outside, if only they'd have been faster, gotten out sooner...

And Io, who is still slightly aware under it all, goes "Oh... you need time? I think... I think I can do that" to herself, and starts to reach out, gathering up her strength-- and of course this is when Louis and Yakumo and Mia and Rin and Jack and Eva and maybe even others, not sure yet, basically when everyone else ends up showing up like "Hey MC, are you being Sadface? because we don't have time for Sadface, we need to keep trying--" and then Io does her Thing and SWOOSH, everyone is caught up in it!

And they end up appearing during the early days of fighting against the Horrors, near one of the first mistle ever created, with Io in humany form at their side. This is before Project QUEEN turns into Operation Queenslayer. Before the red mist, before everything is completely lost--

And all the PCs are still end-game OP as fuck, strong enough to take on the sealed horrors in the DLC Depths maps and win.

Anyway, from there it turns into "Operation collect everyone we give a shit about, save Cruz, fuck over the Horrors, and make a better world"

Featuring MC and Io becoming essentially cats who are constantly bringing the other characters people they cared about-- here, we found and saved Cruz from experiments (and oh by the way, Mido is dead now). Here's Karen and Aurora. Louis, here's your past self, still alive and un-revenanty. Yakumo, here's YOUR past self and your entire team, hale and whole! Mia, we found you and Nicola, here you go!

(Jack and Eva peel off at one point and come back with young!MC slung over Jack's shoulder, and older!MC just slowblinks like "wtf? how did you even find past me?")

Anyway, this also features OP as fuck MC+crew slowly murderfying Lost and Horrors, while spreading mistle even further to help purify miasma.

(Because I have come to the conclusion, based on comments about "Horror extermination program" and the fact that Horrors are ALSO unkillable like Lost are, that the way to fill this plot hole is to just... work around it. Lost and Horrors are FUNCTIONALLY unkillable, because in order to do that, you basically have to spawncamp them until they become so exhausted that the parasite in them CAN'T go through dissolution anymore. OR you need to find a way to trap the particles and purify those. And no one in this time is strong enough to do so.)

(Until, that is, a group of unknown Revenants suddenly appears and starts utterly wrecking face. Think of it as... you go from immediately after the final boss battle and teleport back to the opening zone. No NG+ difficulty spike or anything, just... pure End Game in Early Game area, except this isn't early game, this is literally PRE-PRE-PRE GAME)

(Horrors don't have a fucking chance.)

[sazzafraz]

my pants no longer have coffee on them

nodus tollens!

Over time Sasuke learnt to tell by the smell. Ore meant a blood mutation. Licorice meant bone. Sweet ammonia meant parasites growing fat inside their hosts.    

sasuke’s memories of orochimaru are very sensory. i wrote him as a sensory person. i think the whole uchiha ‘hearts too strong to break easy, and that’s a warning’ thing would make them worse at managing their basic five experiences. 

Fuyuki shakes her head like a parent would, like Sasuke’s disgust is childish. “It’s an opportunity,” she says neutrally, “we have to make the most of them.” We don’t have the same means and opportunities as others, the silence says, we have to build from ruins and carnage. This is the right reason, boy. Even when it disgusts you. As if that makes doing something they’d kill someone else for doing right. Sasuke looks, and thinks, and looks again, and although he can understand it he can’t justify it.

oh man. at this point fuyuki pretty much knows she’s lost him. she is in fact saying shit to make him leave so she doesn’t have to make him while trying to jam common sense into his brain one last time. who knows if it takes. 

“What?” He feels it. Warm, wary, growing distant. Before Yumi was ’kunoichi, dangerous, fun loving’ she now has a little box in his internal checklist that says ‘caution: complicit and unrepentant’.

yeah. this is the thought. oof. dude just wants to trust his friends. 

She pats him lightly on the cheek, stepping back to give him some space. “You have my full and free permission to leave at any time. No member of Giri is forced to hold to an allegiance they feel no longer reflects their ideals.” With a wry smile she shakes her head reaching down to pull something from her pouch. “You always had an out.”  

He watches her hand. “What’s that?”

“For services rendered.” With a deliberate showiness she flips the object in her hand -a scroll- and holds it out to him. He blinks at her, taking the scroll from her outstretched hand. It’s thin and blue tipped, the personal seal of the Godaime Hokage glows in the night. The future in his hand.

AGAIN. SHE ALWAYS WANTED YOU TO LEAVE. THE POINT IS THAT YOU CAN LEAVE THE CYCLE nvrmind he’s not gonna get it for another 60,000 words. 

Sasuke says nothing. The pardon is cold in his hands, shame rolling through his gut. Truth be told he never actually thought he’d get it. Truth be told he’d forgotten about it. There’s never an out, there’s never something given without something taken away. She was honest. She did say what she was going to do. She never offered a single promise. Betrayal is a reflexive emotion for him, though, and he still feels it like a punch. Leaving is a choice. One he has made more often than any other. Being let go of is something he isn’t used to.  

woof. a long 60,000 words. still love that last line. fucks most verily. 

Giri have flying ships.

never used this. very mad about it. 

If extremely pressed Sasuke will admit that he picked Team Hebi based on a wild mix of comfort, usefulness and poorly placed boundaries. Orochimaru collected a bunch of weird traits and weirder expressions of trauma in the kids he lured to Oto; Suigetsu, Karin and Juugo are some of the best examples. Perfectly capable of respecting his needs and following his orders, completely incapable of acting like competent human beings the rest of the time.    

oh thank god they’re weird. sasuke actually needs at least three to nine people around him at all times and has never not once thought about how developing his chakra sense in a compound full of other people might effect this. not even once.  

Sasuke rolls his eyes, crosses his arms and clearly announces, “We won’t work together again after this.”

Karin and Suigetsu stop squabbling to turn to look at him.

Sasuke shrugs, “I’m going back to Konoha, Suigetsu is going to Kiri, Juugo will stay with Giri and Karin will go to Uzu.”

Karin sniffs delicately. “Back to Konoha?”

karin begins to plan konoha’s downfall. i envision karin as someone with a rather unique personal perspective. she is sasuke focused but its because she literally just thinks differently. i had a little bit for her that was about how uzumaki seals are literally a kind of meta-magic and thats why mito changed the game so much. to be able to use them effectively you have to be able to look at the world strangely. anyway. konoha will never recover from this.  

In Oto there were war orphans, normal orphans, freed slaves, second or third generation missing-nin, the odds and ends of clans that had died off, those who had seen their entire families exterminated and those who did the exterminating. In Oto there was no safe dinner conversation.

Except, of course, for the food.

fucks. it fucks. 

Juugo chuckles and waves him off. Sasuke is dead certain they’ll meet again. Maybe he’ll find them himself in a few years. He takes one last look behind him, sharingan on, and then leaves quickly and quietly. It’s not a bad snapshot to have. Karin has resorted to using her chains to manage Suigetsu, who is either helping the fire or taking the longest possible route to putting it out, Juugo is calling the small woodland animals and pets out of their homes. There’s an enterprising rabbit on his head. Suigetsu has one sword and Karin has the other. They’re all smiling.

favourite bit of favourite chapter. does not fuck. does gently cuddle and give glowing aftercare. 

Walking is in itself a refreshing experience. For the first time in his life there’s nothing to rush to. It’s a free sky: so high, so blue. So filled with things that he’s never seen before. He flicks his sharingan on and off. At sunset the sky fills with the lush pink and orange of change. At night the stars are so bright it feels like he’s counting the freckles on some great dragon’s back. At dawn he lies in the grass and lets the light wake him. He takes a long path winding his way down and around to his birthplace. He has one goal left, one last thing to do before it’s all done and he never thought he’d get this far. There is so little between him and the freedom to finally, finally put this all to rest.

So for the first time he lets himself linger.

The stars lead him into the mouth of a valley, green and bright with flowers. He doesn’t put people to places very often. People are memories. He sees them clearly enough. But he’ll cast a look onto the calm water and think Juugo, onto the high point of a knife and think Yumi, onto the twisting branches of an out of place blooming flower and think Sakura. In darker moments he names the other things. A tree changing out of season, riddled with the beautiful but deadly rings of a strangling vine earns Orochimaru. Just as a black expanse that appears in the middle of night is called father. Just as the ephemeral falling of flowers, the scent, is mother.

The clear sky is called Naruto. The fading mist of dawn is called Brother.

sometimes you’ve just gotta let the prose happen. and then make it sad at the end. i wrote paragraphs about naruto and itachi here and deleted it because haha sasuke WILL NOT THINK ABOUT IT like hes not really thinking about his suicidal ideation. i did recieve more than one comment that was like ‘......wait he wants to kill himself?’ haha! yeah! body made for one thing! he has yet to decide a man is allowed to have multiple life purposes. 

“Please,” the woman begs, “please, my child. Take her. Please.”

this is not JUST about how much sasuke would like to save children its just MOSTLY about sasuke being the only one around to do it, and hinata. eventually. 

“Sasuke.” Kakashi says.

“Sensei.” Sasuke says automatically. “Hatake. Hatake Kak-”

kakashi, heart in his throat, thinking today is the day he has to kill his sort of son and lose the rest in the grieving: sasuke

sasuke, holding a baby: AHHHHHHHHHHH

Sasuke scowls and shakes his head, looking down at the bundle in his arms. “This is a goddamn baby Hatake.” Then, softer, “It’s a baby. I have to take it somewhere safe.”

kakashi, soothed by the pardon, worried about all of that: sasuke

sasuke, holding a baby he is EMOTIONAL about: AHHHHHHHHHHH

Fuyuki is still radiating smugness as she lets them out. She plucks the baby from his arms, tucking it into hers. Sasuke almost groans, Kakashi is approaching a sulk at break neck speed. As he crosses the threshold of her home Fuyuki grabs him by the end of his hair and yanks, “Oh, Uchiha?”

Sasuke scowls as he pulls out of her hold. “Fucking what Hashira?”

She smiles, baby stuffing the length of her hair in it’s mouth. Sasuke looks at them both and feels an odd sense of accomplishment. Fuyuki mimes a scissoring action. “Cut your hair.”

i’m not going to do the first chapter but this. absolutely. slams. sasuke’s hair is so important but the hair thing was a specific thing about honor and service. about the redemption that a lot of missing nin feel in giri, the longer their hair the more they’ve done to repent. even if sasuke never quite gets it he actually doesn’t cut his hair until after this.and its not by much. 

[zombriekid]

The Devil Takes Care of His Own 3/?? [Alastor/Gender Neutral Reader]

Series: Hazbin Hotel

Chapter Name: Checking In?

Chapter Summary: you’re faced with a dilemma as the happy hotel opens its doors to you

Text from: The Boss

“WHAT. THE FUCK. DID YOU DO, NEWBIE?”

Oh no...

“WHAT DID YOU DO?!”

Fuck... oh fuck, oh god no, please.

“WHY ARE SO MANY OF MY CLIENTS COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU?!”

The drop of your stomach echoes with a fluttering impression, while a surge of heat, abrupt and uncomfortable, licks at the lining of your throat all the way up to your jaw and it bleeds into your ears; the burgundy walls all around you begin to shrink.

“SOWBELLY SAYS YOU BROKE SOME SHOT!”

“*shit you broke some shit”

“AND THAT COFFEE SMELLIN HIPSTER FUCK SAYS-”

With a resounding clack, your phone slips from your grip and plummets to the sturdy countertop below, a noise that makes the three people around you flinch (you notice distantly), but your brain- your outermost awareness- doesn’t even bother. Because your entire world is now summing up to the blurbs of rapid fire notifications assaulting the LCD screen. Message after heated text message just filled to the brim with expletives and threats and perpetual capslock until this massive wall of verbal abuse blurs your vision; makes your head throb in sync with the increasing thump-thump of your heart.

The device vibrates against the bar and its screen lights up with another message alert, this one demanding your immediate response before declaring you a “useless piece of shit”, and then not long after comes a voice mail about a minute in length.

You’re not gonna listen to it though, you’re gonna grovel.

A tap from your right middle finger brings the digital keyboard to the glass, and your digits begin dancing across the letters to formulate what you consider to be a heartfelt apology, and you beg forgiveness for your transgressions as a lowly delivery person.

But three paragraphs in your hand forces a sudden stop; typos in need of amending due to the constant use of the backspace key, an entire sentence underlined by red squiggly lines with no break between the nonsense letters, and without realizing it at some point you accidentally pulled up the emoji list and now thirty percent of your sniveling is made up of a bunch of cartoons. It’s an odd sensation, you think as you stare back at the jargon, a backlog of muscle memory for modern technology yet you can’t even design coherent text messages in order to save face.

In order to save your fucking job.

All because your goddamn useless hands won’t stop fucking shaking.

Suppose it’s a futile effort at this point- your ass is one hundred percent absolutely and totally fired now.

Meaning no money for bills, no money for food, for utilities, for clothes... Here comes your eviction notice- goodbye lumpy mattress, and a fine greeting to the filthy streets of Pentagram City. A steep price for your compulsive philanthropy, go figure that that’s how things operate down here. How bass ackwards.

But that’s alright, that’s okay, you’ve been through worse you think- you’ve been- you’ve...

You’ve suffered through worse before. Homelessness? Ha, nothing compared to the shit you’ve seen willingly, a temporary setback, maybe a coworker will let you sleep on their couch. The new girl, what was her name? Stacy? Yeah, she’s pretty eager she’ll let you crash with her- it’ll give her more of an excuse to “befriend” you but that’s alright. Sacrifice comfort for survival, right?

“Newbie.”

Not the first time, definitely won’t be the last; life in a concrete jungle is such a fickle bitch, especially here in-

“Newbie!”

-here in Pentagram City.

Present time. Post death. Hell. The here and now.

Impossibly small hands are pulling the apples of your cheeks into fleshy bulbs, folding your lips as a pout, and the darkened corners of your vision dim until Niffty’s lone ocular takes precedence in sight; a triad of quick blinks help anchor your focus.

Oh. How wonderful. Yet another episode... how many does that make today? Certainly way more than usual.

You blame the stress.

“Newbie, you okay?” Niffty asks with a tight throat, and a bob of your head delivers your response.

“Just havin’ a... moment. But I’m alright now.”

She glances down to her right in the direction of your phone, still glaring at you from the grainy surface of the bar, and it’s as if you can literally see the gears in her brain start to rotate. You’re fairly certain that she’s about to put two and two together and get four.

“That’s just my own bossman, Mr. Terry. Well, pretty sure he’s my former boss now.”

“Is it cause of today? When you helped me?”

Your knee-jerk reaction is to mindlessly blurt out a response that would confirm her suspicions, but luckily whatever humanity remains in tact notices her pitch- not necessarily concern rather something akin to it paints the undertone- and it clamps your mouth shut with an audible click of your teeth. Because what you were about to do, what you were about to say, be it directly or indirectly that was going to shift at least some of the blame on to her, and that would be completely unfair. The fault doesn’t lie with her. It’s entirely your own. First off the little lady didn’t even ask for your help, she didn’t beckon to you she didn’t plead for interception, you swooping in to “save the day” was your body’s reflexive need to act, to just do something instead of perpetuating the stereotype of morbidly curious bystander. Second, the manner of which how you saved her was incredibly, stupidly sloppy- a path of damage shadowing your trek and all you left behind was a substantial cost of repairs and replacements. Since when was charging through a line of stores ever a good idea?!

No, you made the decision to do something about Niffty’s situation, so you could’ve found a better way to engage it- actually you should’ve found a better way, but your lapse in judgment cost some people tools, resources, products, and even some clientele, thus costing you practically everything, and now Hell is demanding its pound of flesh from someone’s hide.

Don’t let her believe that it may come from her.

“Nah, I accidentally pissed off some clients recently,” you say as you gently take hold of her hands and remove them from your face. “No need to worry about it, kiddo.” Which none of that is a lie in any capacity, sometimes your cleverness does in fact shine through.

Niffty doesn’t seem to think so, though obviously there’s no way for her to know without some form of mind reading, regardless her face falls into a displeased frown complete with round, bulgy cheeks. “I’m not a kid, Newb. Besides you’re younger than me!”

Oh, she’s so friggin precious, you’re gonna miss this youngen. “In terms of dates, sure. But my, uhh, ‘departure time’ so to speak-” you decorate this with air quotes “-gives me some years on ya.”

“Yeah, by a few at most.”

... No? By, like, ten-ish years? Are you missing something?

“Dude I’m pretty sure I died somewhere in my twenties.”

“Okay? And?”

Okay, yeah, you’re definitely missing something. The tingles on the back of your neck prove this.

She’s not a child, is she?

“... Niffty, how old were you when you bought the farm?”

“Twenty two.”

Alright, okay, that’s dope- how long until the next extermination? That’s a thing you’ve heard about, and you’d really love to volunteer yourself to be first in line right about now. The sooner the better, really.

From pit in his stomach comes an eruption of raucous glee, such an intense reaction that it forces Angel Dust- long forgotten until now- to bend until he’s bracing himself with two hands on his knees, the other pair clutching around his heaving abdomen, as he cry-laughs at your expense.

Meanwhile, the feathered feline fellow manning the bar makes a sound in the back of his throat loud enough to reach your ears, and when you give him your attention he deems the conversation relevant enough to glimpse at you from the corner of his amber eyes; there’s a deep green bottle entrapped in his massive paws and with a tip of the neck he takes a hearty swig before he finally mutters whatever is on his mind. You catch a whiff of the unmistakeable odor of bitter, cheap booze.

“Didja really think Niff’s a kid?”

...

Ten minutes.

Ten whole arduous minutes spent enduring rigorous taunting and not-so-light-hearted ribbing from all three demonic compatriots; statements such as “not so bright are ya, smooth talka?” ala Angel and “no wonder you’re so weird” courtesy of Niffty force the tips of your ears to sear with your cheeks quickly following the same trend.

In your defense, Niffty’s rather small stature and youthful disposition makes her seem much younger than she actually (apparently) is, and sincerest apologies to the court but she’s the most humanoid individual you’ve encountered downside- other than Charlie, of course- so how were you to know that she wasn’t a child in danger solely based on the information you were given? It’s not like you had the time to stop and ask!

And if this trio of assholes would take a few moments to consider your perspective then maybe they wouldn’t be so quick to jump straight to mockery, so until they do they can just suck your bits.

____________________________________

Some time passes, you’re unclear on how much for you refuse to even so much as think of your phone right now, and though you’ve yet to receive anything further from Mr. Terry- no more text messages, no more voice mails, no more notifications- and though the hotel’s three residents have retired from their cruelty and are seeking entertainment elsewhere- Niffty on a dusty painting, Husk at the bottom of a bottle, and Angel Dust... doing whatever in another room- still you find no peace.

No respite from this fuster cluck of a situatio.

And you don’t know what you’re going to do about it.

But you gotta do something, can’t let this continue to fester, so take a deep breath: one, two, three, four- and let it out: five, six, seven, eight- and repeat. Clear your head. Think about this logically.

The first step should be an apology, of course, but your gut tells you that a simple “I’m sorry, didn’t mean to, won’t happen again” just wouldn’t suffice- not for a group of pissed off demons at least. And your employment with Mr. Terry is a measly two weeks young, nowhere near enough to build up some sort of history of positive work ethic, so starting with him is practically a fool’s errand already.

After all, your enigmatic boss isn’t known for his mercy.

... maybe...

Maybe you’re on to something with that assessment.

Maybe you shouldn’t apologize to him first but rather save him for last. Work up the list of priorities instead of down.

Starting with the demon you pissed off first: Mrs. Sowbelly.

Two pokes at your back.

A delicate, graceful exclamation of “FUCK!” comes bellowing out of your mouth as the abrupt shock nearly sends your ass careening to the floor, your hands scrambling upon the bar in order to hook stability.

Mere seconds later and you find Charlie over the slope of your shoulder with her right index finger pointed in your direction; the look on her face suggests that your squawking startled her. In this moment your mouth works much faster than your brain and an apology is already leaping off your tongue... that is until you notice the person standing next to her.

Now, not to be rude about it, but there’s nothing inherently striking about this individual; gray tinted skin, long white hair pouring down the length of her spine, a few inches shorter than the blonde at her side, and a large pink eye staring straight at you with something like irritation. For the most part, she looks human- not humanoid like Charlie and Niffty, but like you.

Human.

And that’s why she’s stealing your attention.

“Hey Newbie, I want to introduce you to the Happy Hotel’s manager and my partner, Vaggie.” Charlie says with a somewhat forced smile, likely residual from your outburst.

With your eyes trained on the gal in question, you blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. “Howdy, pleasure to meet you.”

Vaggie doesn’t say anything back.

Luckily, however, Charlie keeps the conversation rolling.

“The two of us actually wanted to talk to you about something important. Is... is that okay?”

For your anxiety? Anything that even remotely parallels “we need to talk” is a near guarantee to sending your heart to the racetrack, so no it’s not okay in that regard. That being said, given her response earlier, before Mr. Terry battered you with derisive texts, and the fact that she called the manager/her girlfriend over is... well, you’d be lying if you said that you aren’t intrigued. Skeptical, maybe even paranoid, but intrigued. So you give your consent.

“Cool beans! So, umm, I think I’m just going to cut to the chase here,” she clears her throat, “we want you to stay here. At the Happy Hotel. To be rehabilitated.”

...

....

“I’m sorry, fucking what?”

The question is out before the rest of your body has time to process Charlie’s words, but even when you fully digest the information you’re still left feeling perplexed. What does she mean “rehabilitation”, what all does that entail, why did she have to call her girlfriend for this?

And, oh, how her patience seems to know no bounds for the smile that curls on her lips is soft, and her brow pulls together in what you can only call generosity. Like she understands your confusion; makes you wonder how often she goes through this schtick.

“Allow me to explain our predicament since you’re still new.”

And she does, in great detail, weaving a copper-scented tapestry with threads dyed the shades of suffering and heinous sin. In less pretentious terms, she regurgitates material you’ve only heard in passing. Hell is bursting at the seams with its substantial over population issue, one that only grows more exacerbated with each newcomer, and with limited real estate and even more limited resources the powers that be reached the conclusion long ago that a percentage just... has to go. Enter the exterminators, a team set out from the tippy topside whose sole purpose is to literally slash some numbers in half once a year.

Charlie doesn’t like this, in fact her exact words are “it kills me inside knowing that my people are being systematically annihilated” and honestly they kinda make you equate this to that of a speech from some representative- an authority figure, someone with power, which makes sense if this is her hotel. It’s pretty, the way she feels about the annual genocide, but you’ve yet to hear her alternative solution if she has any to begin with.

As the saying goes, actions do speak louder than words.

That’s when she genuinely explains the hotel’s purpose: to purge the demons of their vices, purify their souls, make right their wrong doings from when they were alive so that they can walk through the pearly gates as a reborn person, faultless and whole. Redemption. Rehabilitation. Because a hotel is only a temporary pitstop between two destinations.

The idea... makes enough sense, you guess.

“I mean, that’s neat, super admirable, and the whole idea of reforming demons instead of just- ya know- offing them sounds way better in comparison. But uhh- what does this have to do with me?”

“Well,” Charlie looks over at Vaggie before advancing her explanation, “you’re new. You haven’t regained your memories yet, your body hasn’t adapted yet, you still have your humanity- I mean you helped Niffty out of a tight spot without any expectation of a reward!”

“Nah, I just did what felt like the right thing at the time.”

“Exactly! We need someone like that here!”

Ah.

Now the picture has clarity.

What Charlie said earlier, “... if I can help just one demon find redemption here then everyone else will believe too!” that was merely another way of saying “we haven’t succeeded yet.” And judging by the way the hotel’s current residents, this motley crew of friends(?), they’ve been trying with people who have been here a lot longer than you have- you, a newbie that hasn’t gone through “the Change” yet, hasn’t full acclimated or been assimilated into the disgusting system of eternal suffering. Like they have. If redemption can be had here it’s more likely to be found with a newcomer like you, and if you can be saved then it’ll prove possible for anyone else.

At least that’s what you’ve surmised from the situation.

It doesn’t sit right with you though.

You did something topside to warrant your arrival here, or maybe you did a lot of things, or maybe you didn’t do enough, you don’t know and that’s the point. You don’t remember. There could be a mountain of skeletons shoved into your closet that you’re completely unaware of and until further notice that’s where they’re going to remain if they even exist.

You. Don’t. Know.

There are way too many unknown variables regarding your past- no, you’re very identity, and though you’ve been reassured on numerous occasions that that’s actually the standard here for newcomers... that doesn’t mean you deserve a second chance. Because who you were may not deserve it.

So don’t waste the room on a potential lost cause, is what you tell them.

“All the more reason to try it now before your memories can influence you.” Vaggie says in a firm voice, the very first you’ve heard her speak. 

And admittedly the logic is sound, you’re not trying to dispute that, it’s just... 

Not you- a clattering racket against the bar top- anyone else may deserve this opportunity- disrupts the conversation- but not you- and it takes all of two seconds to determine the source. It’s your phone, probably Mr. Terry announcing you officially dead to his business.

“Do you have a place to stay?” Still Vaggie.

As of right now, no, you really don’t.

“Residents can board here for free, you just have to stay clean- no sinning, at least as best you can.”

That’s not too bad, you think. Maybe you should-

No! No, one “good deed” doesn’t merit a shot at atonement. It’s not going to negate whatever it is you did to topside to leave you downside.

...but you’re more than likely out of a job now, one that barely paid enough to cover expenses to begin with, and losing your apartment is trailing not that far behind.

“What do you say, Newbie?”

“I-” the sudden dryness in your throat drags forth a minor coughing fit. “I don’t know if I deserve it.”

“Only one way to find out.”

Sacrifice comfort for survival, right?

You take a deep breath. “O-okay. Where’s the check-in sheet?”

____________________________________

a/u: mental health has been a bitch to deal with so i’m sorry that this took longer than i expected. i have half a mind to scrap this and redo it again but i’ma do this funky fresh thing where i stop overanalyzing it and put it out there for y’all to read. still no beta, and still no al yet, but we’re definitely getting c l o s e r, got this bitch all planned out and everything. y’all know the deal by now: like, reblog, and comment; the engagement makes my lil queer kokoro go doki doki

tagged: @kryptum-one @itz-kira @peachesandkats (i’m in love with all three of y’all, just letting you know)

[ryder616]

Rewatching Let Me Stand Next to Your Fire

It’s part 2 of “Reconnecting with Friends: A Bus Kids Tutorial”, and things go as well as can be expected.

In the plus column: no accusations of betrayals are carelessly thrown around. In the minus column: there is actual betrayal from a third party culminating into a death trap.

Back at chez Radcliffe, meanwhile, things progress steadily.

AIDA has been improved enough to not arouse suspicions during prolonged interaction with May, who is probably even more predisposed to appreciate a “no nonsense” android after having been stuck in Radcliffe’s company, and Coulson is equally fooled.

However, the second Simmons - who is well aware the technology to make such a lifelike android exists - takes a look at her, it’s game over.

She’s impressive but she isn’t perfect. Yet.

Bad Girls Shenanigans:

We’ve all been there, right? When you need a bit of a favor from that old friend you haven’t seen in a while but it would be kind of awkward just calling them out of the blue and ask?

Well, Daisy’s solution to the problem involves hacking and a foray into real estate agency. And a bullet, which wasn’t part of the plan but, as Hunter wisely observed, the plan always turns to rubbish at some point anyway.

Instead of throwing a tantrum, Jemma thinly disguises her hurt for Daisy’s departure in passive aggressive disapproval and exasperation for how little she’s been taking care of herself. I don’t think that she really gets all of the whys of it anymore than Fitz does, but she’s only dismissive about the “lone rangering” after Daisy tells her not to mother her, and honestly Daisy? That would have ticked me off, too.

However when it comes to help her out in her quest, Jemma’s objections are entirely practical in nature, not ethical. Her problem isn’t helping a wanted vigilante hacking into S.H.I.E.L.D., rather avoiding to rat the both of them out in her mandatory lie detection test.

All it takes is the filmsiest of loopholes that she basically baits (as if she wouldn’t expect Daisy to pick up on that “voluntarily” right away? She might have as well said manscaping) and she’s on board with the Bad Girl Shenanigans(tm), at least until Daisy’s militancy begins to contemplate explosive retaliatory scenarios.

And I completely agree, Jem, it’s much cooler if she blows bad people up with her powers. What? 😏😁

The Hellfire Outta Here:

James immediately zeroes in on Daisy’s death wish (“You know what that feels like, don’t you?”), and his self-destructive path is the perfect negative image of hers: she’s fighting and wants to save people, he’s given up and is helping the Watchdogs exterminate the Inhumans.

Now that we have the superior flamed-chain wielder and the Secret Warriors have been buried by the Hive debacle, he’s quickly dismissed. I don’t mind that - plus his comics story had arguably already been done with Ward - but the fight between the two fire-dudes is a little disappointing. Robbie looks awesome from start to finish though, which I suppose was the point.

Take Your Daughter To Work Day:

S.H.I.E.L.D. has been public and legal for half a second and Coulson is already back in uniform: dark suit, badge and sunglasses.

Things could be almost perfect for him - unburdened by the directorship and “just” an agent with considerable latitude again, an all tricked-out flying base that’s even cooler than the Bus and oh, his best friend isn’t dying anymore! - except his wayward daughter has abandoned the family business just when he wanted her to take charge of it.

Significantly, however, he has nothing to say to her other than he’s glad she’s safe. His looks and the one dramatic gesture he allows himself  - the tablet, lmao - tell another story but on a scale of "You should respect her choice” to “She turned her back on us”, Coulson is definitely closer to YoYo than Fitz.

And no matter how disappointed Agent Dad might be, he’s still her number 1 stan, as the final piece of reasoning that makes him trust Robbie is the fact that Daisy already does.

Stuff:

Well, in order to quell the hyperactivity in your reticular activating system, we had to... very carefully, gently... kill you. Just a little bit. 🤣🤣 

I died. Killed by Radcliffe. The disgust!🤣🤣🤣

You haven't been to a proper doctor? -- You're hard to get an appointment with. But she is not...ah, forget it. In a year you guys will have a mechanical engineer performing trauma surgery anyway🤣

S.H.I.E.L.D. has Daisy-proofed the servers that host the Inhumans info but they haven’t been as thorough with the Playground’s network, since she's been tracking Jemma’s search history.

BTW, I’m disappointed that we never saw FitzSimmons in the furnished version of the apartment hosting a dinner party for the team. Or just having breakfast in that nook. Shame.

Now you can get back to lone rangering or whatever it is that you’ve been doing. She’s been doing S.H.I.E.L.D.’s job 😈. And trying to get herself killed. Neither endeavour has been entirely successful.😁

It's him, the matchstick guy. The Homer of nicknames strikes again.

What do you weigh, 210, 220? -- It's not the extra weight. It's your driving . I’m going to go with “it’s both”. I mean, just one of Mack’s arms looks bigger than Lola , c’mon 🤣

I get his car now, right? Isn’t that how it works? 🤣🤣 

It looks like Daisy drove across the country in her van from L.A. to D.C (or whatever place close to D.C. that apartment is supposed to be) which means there’s at least a couple of days between this episode and Uprisings, assuming she slept at all. Probably more, as she also had the dust-up with the Watchdogs.

Nailed it. -- What do you mean, you nailed it? What did you even do? -- I simply told Agent Albee that there was new information on the flash drive and she’s going to deliver it with the rest. [...] And how did you get her to agree with that? -- Well, technically, as S.H.I.E.L.D.’s Special Advisor in Science and Technology, she works for me. I’m the boss. Those superior officers panic-shooting days are looong behind her.

Fitz, art and science have their meeting in method. -- Oh, do... do not go quoting bloody Bulwer-Lytton at me. So, unless Google lied to me, this Bulwer-Lytton is the guy who, among other things, wrote the infamous incipit “It was a dark and stormy night”. I can see why Fitz is offended.😂

Every Inhuman has a wristwatch, an Asset Communication Device that tracks location, vital signs, etcetera. I mean, it's for their own safety. Please. It’s to make everyone else feel better, having the scary superpowered people under control at all times.

James. I haven't seen him since... Hive. -- Right. Well, withdrawal from Hive's sway hit him even harder than you. -- I can imagine. Oh, dear. I know that look. *sigh* Fine. Let’s add James to the endless list of people and things you feel responsible for.😩

You can't have it both ways, Daisy. You can't push us away and then come crawling back, half-dead, only when you feel like it. It isn't fair. You've already put a gun to my head. We're in this together now. So suck it up! “I’m coming on your hare-brained vigilante mission, whether you like it or not!”🤣🤣 But, Jem, for the record, she only meant to get the info from you. The half-dead part was an accident.🤭

Damn. Not even a dent. I wouldn't mind having a superpower like that for a day or two. Careful what you wish for, Mack.

You really think this thing can hold me? -- It's contained a lot more dangerous people than you. Keep going, guys. Any other short term foreshadowing you’d like to share?

A halfway decent driver. Oh, snap!

We're chasing the same things. You said Daisy trusts him? -- Maybe. Why? Why? What are you thinking? Coulson. What the hell are you doing? Trusting his and Daisy’s read on people, of course. Mack went from partnering with the youngest agent to the most experienced one (well, one of the two) but he’s still sputtering “what are you doings!?” and probably silently wishing for his old job with the espresso machine.

[Hellfire works in a fireworks shop] Well, whoever’s running the Terrible Ideas Division is crushing it. 🤣🤣🤣 

You can take a stand with me. Fight back. That's how you move on. Take control of your life again. Maybe it doesn’t come from a very healthy place right now, but this is still powerful and I love it.

All we ask is that you let us listen in on the conversation. -- And if I say no? -- Well... then we open another door for you, but we won't land first. How was that ever going to work, only Coulson knows.

I was so pissed at what he'd done, that...that I couldn't stop him. But I just... I just... I snapped. And I'm doing the time. You see, Robbie, what I wanted was -- Revenge. Give it to Uncle Eli, that is some amazing spin he’s putting on it and mostly on the fly, too.

We're supposed to be helping [James]. -- I am helping him. --  You've chosen to walk your brooding path. Fine. Don't drag him down with you. So, you think she should stay away from him so he’s not caught in her self-destructive spiral? Interesting.

[Simmons] doesn't understand what it's like...To change, to lose everything. -- I know. Did the gunshot wound made you amnesiac, Daisy? She was stranded for months on an alien planet with no hope of seeing any of you guys again. Her mind was still her own but I think Jemma does know something about losing everything.

They're like cockroaches, these guys. Don’t insult cockroaches. Cockroaches are useful.

Did two fire dudes just drop into a warehouse full of fireworks? -- You had to see that coming. Dork. 😂🤗

I can’t get over how Daisy looks like a moody teenager who’s waiting to be grounded, complete with a leather-clad, muscle car-owning “bad” boyfriend in tow. 🤣🤣

[The Watchdogs] continue to be a threat, but we have to put them on the back burner for now. So, business as usual? 😈 

It's good to see you back in fighting form. -- Dying takes a lot out of you. -- I've heard. We should start a club, get some T-shirts made up. This is like the cheeriest Coulson has been in literally years. And why not. She’s alive and well and now they can trade death jokes.

This is one lie you're gonna have to tell. -- Actually, I'll have a few. You mean “she pointed a gun at me that she was never going to use and it was an Icer anyway” isn’t going to work? Shocking. 😂

[zghostreviews]

Review of Panty & Stocking with Garterbelt(2010)

Summary: PASWG is an anime centered around these two angels, Panty and Stocking Anarchy, and a priest named Garterbelt. The dilemma the Anarchy sisters face is that....well....they were kicked out of heaven because 1. Panty is horny on main, and 2. Stocking is an extreme glutton. They land in Daten City, where they are presented with the task of exterminating spirits. The spirits drop heaven coins when killed, so the Anarchy sisters have to collect a certain amount of these heaven coins so they can get back to heaven. Oh, and there’s also stripping scenes every time they transform, so this had the repressed baby gay in me panicking the first time I saw it.

Now onto the review!

How the fuck did I find an anime like this??/

Well at the time, PASWG was still fairly new. I think I discovered it, not long after the release. From what I remember I came across the “DIETO!?!?” scene at the time where it had essentially become of meme status. After this I came across more scenes from the show and 10 yo me was basically like, “I GOTTA watch this”. So I did, through YouTube once more ‘cause I was an OG anime watcher, we all had to watch anime episodes in parts back then.

----------------

Japanese vs English dub

Ight I’m doing this early this time, since it’s kinda essential with this sort of anime. 

Japanese dub pros

-You get the memes, and the full phrase said when the demon sisters transform, and that’s about it

-RRRRRRRRRRules!

cons

-When watching the japanese dub, most of the jokes WILL fly over your head because you’re either focusing on reading the subtitles, and because many places have a different sort of humor from each other.

I first watched this in japanese with eng. subs, I didn’t quite get the jokes at all, not just because I was still a child, but because it just wasn’t funny to me. After 3 episodes I switched over to the english dub, I found that shit funny as FUCK. At one point that shit had me W H E E Z I N G.

I suggest watching the anime in your native language since it’s less likely the jokes will fall flat, and because verbal jokes, to me, didn’t translate well at all too well. Eventually, I did watch the anime in both languages, but here, the english dub was superior, and that’s coming from someone who usually NEVER watches english dubs.

--------------------

Characters

7/10

Honestly, the only one I didn’t really like was Briefs, he literally was just simping for Panty the entire time until Panty found out he was attractive and decided to fuck him literally. At the end of the anime, he was apparently essential because his dick in particular was the literal key to heaven....for some reason....

Aside from that, I fucking LOVED the demon sisters, both because they were hot, and because I liked their character. My brain even now is immediately just like: Demon girls.....HOT, when I look at them. I specifically love Kneesocks out of all the characters tho for multiple reasons....speaking of Kneesocks, she was also ranked #2 as a fan favorite at the time this anime was released.

Before the demon sisters made their appearance though......Stocking was my favorite, she was just WAY too relatable. She was the original big tittied goth girl everyone wanted to date. Also her popularity prolly heightened even more with how Gainax decided to end the series.

Panty is a bitch sometimes but I like her, though if she were a human and not an angel, she would DEFINITELY have every fucking STD in the world tbh.

Garterbelt......is a very questionable dude to put things mildly....

Chuck is chuck. I like Chuck. 10/10 best dog. Reminds me of Gir from Invader Zim, pretty sure he’s based of Gir tho.

The ghost things, I still liked them more them Breif...well....except for the vomit ghost and the shit ghost after all. That shit was gross, no pun intended.

-------------

Music

10/10 

Music like the Anarchy sisters’ “Fly Away” transformation theme, and Demon sisters’ “I want You” transformation theme and “D. City Rock” was done by Teddyloid! You may recognize his name for he did the music for the anime music video, ME!ME!ME!

-----------

The Ending

What the fuck was that?/10

Seriously Gainax, what? What the fuck did you leave us on a cliffhanger for??? Just to make us suffer???? Nobody asked for that, and now y’all have been making us wait for a season 2 for more than a decade. :(

At least there’s a PASWG cafe....even tho most of us can’t go to it ‘cause we’re too poor to be able to go to and from Japan.

--------------

Is it worth watching even with the cliffhanger?

Hell yes! This anime is a classic! Now would be the best time to watch it too since we’re all isolated rn! There’s only 12 episodes (excluding OVAs of course), this is probably the funniest shit I’d ever seen in terms of vulgar humor, the 1st 2-3 episodes are rocky at first but I promise it will grow on you in such a weird way.

Plus if Gainax does decide to revive it sooner or later, at least y’all who watch it now wouldn’t have to suffer as much as us others have had to!

That’s it for this review, peace out

[abbyfreemansmind]

Let’s talk about Hazbin Hotel

So, I finally sat down and watched Hazbin Hotel. I’d heard so much about it and felt the need to launch myself headfirst into having my own opinions about it instead of just listening to other people talking about it. This is gonna be a long post, so I’m gonna put it behind a neat little read more. Please note that this is coming from someone who genuinely enjoys adult humour and edgy humour and themes. I’ve got no problem with something that’s all swearing and raunchy jokes. It just needs to be done right.

Point 1 - The Plot The plot is describes as the Princess of Hell trying to open a new hotel to rehabilitate sinners so they don’t get exterminated during the yearly heavenly extermination to deal with Hell’s overpopulation problems. This plot is quickly undone through a few things that anyone can notice during the first viewing. 1 - Overpopulation? WHAT population? The scenery is most often noticeably devoid of any signs of life, outside of when background characters are called for. The scene where Charlie’s doing her news presentation is the most notable example of background characters. After this scene, we see almost nobody outside of the main cast and those weird little egg things. There are a few throwaway demons but outside of that, the streets are devoid of people. There aren’t even the corpses we had just seen during that opening scene. 2 - Charlie may as well be a total nobody what with all the power being the Princess of Hell holds. Just look at how the other characters treat her. You’d think the Princess of Hell would have some kind of benefit that would sway people towards agreeing with this whole idea. Instead, she gets mocked by just about everyone for reasons I can only guess involve winning her sympathy points from the audience. 3 - At no point does she give any proof that redemption would work. She basically says, “Hey guys! I hate seeing you all die, so I have this idea that has no backing evidence, that may or may not work, to try and get you guys into Heaven! Let me sing a song about it where I insult you all!”

Point 2 - Presentation I applaud the animators. Must’ve been hard, especially for Charlie’s overly fast song that really didn’t need to be nightcored, or literally any time Angel Dust was on-screen. Frame by frame. No rigs. All those stripes. All those colours that blend if you stare at them too hard or squint even slightly while watching. All that unnecessarily constant movement. It’s no wonder the thing took four bloody years to animate. Outside of animation, there are too many unneeded details and not enough needed details. Seriously. 1 - The turf war. We didn’t need this. We didn’t need this at all. If you take out the entire opening to it and the entire actual fight scene here, the episode still flows smoothly and we get the same amount of information and worldbuilding. In a pilot/first episode, you should only give the audience necessary details. Leave them wanting more, yes, but make sure they actually know what they’re getting into from the first episode. Make every scene count. Make it mean something. Don’t just shove every detail you can think of together and call it a day, especially if you don’t actually give the audience much information from it. 2 - Why is Hell overpopulated? Why isn’t Heaven? Why can angels go from Heaven to Hell, but demons can’t go from Hell to Heaven? Why does nobody care about being redeemed if Hell is so overpopulated that Angels annually come down and kill people because of it? Why does everyone treat the Princess of Hell like she’s worthless? Why doesn’t Angel Dust know about Alastor if they got into hell within 10 years of each other? Where is this supposed overpopulation problem? Would redemption even work in the first place? Why should I care about most of these characters (who are mostly complete jerks with no redeeming qualities other than “PROTAGONIST”, especially when two of the fan favourites repeatedly sexually assault other characters and, in one case, is both sexist and racist at one point)? Why are there turf wars? I should not be having to ask these questions. Don’t hold the audience’s hand, but don’t leave every single question you present in the show unanswered. Some of the questions presented make absolute sense to leave unanswered. Why does Alastor want to help with the hotel? Why are characters like Vaggie and Niffty, who do nothing all that bad, in Hell? These are questions that make total sense to leave unanswered for now. 3 - What crime is too terrible to be redeemed for? Charlie seems to think that literally everyone can be redeemed. That means murderers, rapists, abusers, tormentors... Certainly her song holds some kind of key to figuring it out! “Inside of every creepy hatchet-wielding maniac” Hmm... Okay... “All of you cretins, sluts and losers, sexual deviants and boozers” Uh... “So, all your cartoon porn addictions, vegan rants, psychic predictions Ancient Roman crucifixions end right here All you monsters, thieves and crazies, cannibals and crying babies" Oh... Also, did she imply that mental illness, alcoholism, drug dependency, plant-based diets/lifestyles, rabies and enjoyment of sex were sins in that song?

Point 3 - Edgy for the sake of edgy Hazbin Hotel tries to be an adult cartoon, but comes off as something a mentally disturbed teenager wrote during their emo/scene phase. 1 - The swearing and sex jokes. Oh boy. I’ve worked with children under the age of 15 who swear and crack sex jokes better than the adults in this show. The swearing and sex jokes are the only reasons this show couldn’t be aired as a Cartoon Network show aimed at edgy teenagers. It’s so poorly done that it in and of itself takes away from the quality of the show itself. Also, we have a character who’s name is an actual sex joke itself. Vaggie, full name Vagatha - a lesbian sex worker, of course. Fun fact for those who don’t know, but all of her previous character drafts had her name as some form of joke on the word vagina. This isn’t an accident, this is blatant and intentional. Also, here’s a pro tip for you! You can make an adult-oriented show without having swearing, slurs and sex jokes taking up a solid third or more of your script. 2 - The... “Representation”. Yes, Hazbin Hotel has LGBT+ characters! Yes, it has biracial and Latina characters! Charlie is bi, Vaggie is a Latina lesbian, Angel Dust is a gay man, Alastor is ace and biracial, Husk is pan, Niffty is Japanese (YIKES). Except none of it actually matters. No, really. Vivziepop was all like, “btw you can ship w/e, idc! also, i rlly like the fanon version of human alastor (who is whiter than marshmallow fluff even though he’s supposed to be half black)! :)” and threw all that out the window because... Who knows at this point. Now, if you look at the connected series, Helluva Boss, you get Moxie and Millie - an extremely obvious and loving couple. In Hazbin Hotel, you get Charlie and Vaggie who you probably couldn’t tell were a couple without somebody telling you that in the first place, what with all the loveydovey-ness going on with them. In fact, the biggest hint we even get is literally one line. “Life ain’t a musical, hun.” But then again, I’d be more apt to believe Charlie and Vaggie are friends, or Vaggie is pining after Charlie. Also, Charlie is a really bad girlfriend! She lets Vaggie get abused by practically the entire cast without so much as a single word in her defense and ignores everything Vaggie says. It came as no surprise when I remembered hearing about how the only reason these two are a couple is because one of the people on the team thought they were during storyboarding and Vivziepop just went with it. Also, fun fact, Vaggie fits both the angry lesbian and fiery Latina stereotypes. Charlie fits the stereotype for the bisexual cheater, what with how she seems to actually like Alastor more than her own bloody girlfriend. Alastor is canonically ace because he’s too full of himself to be with anyone else. Speaking as somebody who’s ace... WHAT?! As much as I don’t like Charlastor, it’s partially more popular than Chaggie because Vivziepop actually made them act like a couple for an entire musical number. Also, he’s annoying. He not only kept telling Vaggie to smile (heck you dude), he also smacked her butt, which is a form of sexual assault, people. This was all played for laughs, along with Vaggie’s (actually very reasonable) anger. Niffty is Japanese. A yellow-skinned demon who’s boy crazy and obsessed with cleaning... Big yikes. Finally, Angel Dust. The kinky gay man porn star/drag queen/drug addict/prostitute who verbally sexually assaulted two guys. Where do I begin. When it came to this guy, Vivziepop must’ve been like, “Imma throw every stereotype for gay men on this guy and call it a character!” If you look a Helluva Boss again, you get Stolas, who verbally sexually assaults Blitzo over the phone and also cheated on his wife with him in the first place, so this isn’t a one-off. Also, he was originally AFAB, so that whole line about “Why are you all women?” is more than a little heinous and in extremely poor taste.

In conclusion, this show is terrible. Everything about it. It needs some serious reworking, because as it stands, it’s really truly not that great of a creation.

tl;dr: Needs a lot of work and “ThEy’Re In HeLl!!1!!one!!!eleven!!!11″ isn’t even remotely an excuse for the genuine problems in it. Remember, at least one actual human being on Earth, not in Hell, wrote this garbage fire. Also, the animators deserve a higher wage than whatever they’re getting to deal with these designs. I shudder just thinking about animating them, with or without a rig.

[ckret2]

I'm probably a little bit late for the hype, but for your radiosnake fic, was sir pentious being behind on current technology because he was just really heartbroken or bc he was somehow cursed? Sorry, sometimes i'm bad at understanding, so i wasn't sure if the karma bit meant that there really was some kind of supernatural intervention or not

It is never, ever too late to talk to me about one of my fics! People talk to me about stuff I was writing over a decade ago and I love it, you're good.

It's neither one, actually. He isn't too heartbroken to keep up, and he isn't cursed. He just lost so many resources that he can't keep up with new technological developments any more.

Long explanation below the cut!!

... god I think tumblr just, fucking deleted the cut. If there isn't a cut below this line I APOLOGIZE I tried to edit it back in, tumblr sucks.

Like, say in '64 someone comes into hell with knowledge of how to make a new weapon that's gonna change the game. Sir P's got a web of like a hundred informants who know they're gonna be rewarded when he has power, so he finds out about the weapon in three days and can snatch up the soul that knows how to make it in under a week. He's got a dozen mines from which he can extract the raw materials needed to make the weapon, so that takes a week; dozens of engineers working under him to figure out how to replicate the weapon based on the newly dead dude's half-remembered math, so that takes a week; and Sir Pent himself, the mastermind of this operation, has no more pressing needs to attend to--his airships are defending his turf without any need to call him in for help, he doesn't have to worry about collecting supplies because they have control of all the materials they need, nothing's disrupting their supply train in the sky, etc--so he can turn his whole attention to improving on this weapon, and he's done so in a week. So only a month has passed between this weapon entering hell and Sir Pent becoming not only the only person that has it, but the only person with the next generation version of it.

Compare: a new weapon enters hell in '76. After getting his ass stomped by the Radio Demon a decade ago, Sir P's lost most of his allies because they no longer have faith he can conquer hell (and even if they do, they don't want to risk getting on the Radio Demon's bad side—they don't know why he attacked Sir P, how do they know he won't attack his allies?) so he's got like, five informants. It takes him a month to find out about this weapon. If another overlord finds out about the weapon first and snatched up the weapon-maker, then Sir P has lost all opportunity to replicate it until the other overlord has made and started using it and he can get his hands on a copy to reverse-engineer, by which point this weapon's probably already on the way to being obsolete.

But say he DOES somehow get to this soul before anyone else: he's got like, maybe one or two mines under his control, so it takes a lot longer to extract the necessary raw materials, and that's assuming those mines have the materials this weapon needs. He might need to attack other factories or warehouses to steal the supplies he needs—and these factories & warehouses are probably being guarded by people armed with weapons he hasn't had a chance to replicate because a different overlord snatched up the weapon-maker before he ever heard about them, so they might overpower him, might even take out one of his airships. But say his raids succeed; they could take a couple of months, between planning and carefully executing the needed attacks.

It could take a couple more months for his heavily reduced number of engineers to figure out how to replicate the weapon, especially if it's outside their fields of expertise and he needs to find and recruit someone new to help—and what if he can't recruit anyone, because Sir P is no longer a top overlord that people will want to work for?

Meanwhile, Sir P is busy viciously defending his now very small turf with only a couple of airships at his disposal, AND he's got to plan and lead the raids for supplies, AND he's got to find and recruit new followers, AND he's got to organize repairs and do damage control if another overlord takes an airship out... so it might take him ANOTHER month to get around to looking at the designs himself and seeing if he can improve them. And maybe he's so stressed and overworked and tired he can't think of a way to improve the weapon.

So six months have passed and they have a rushed weapon that they might have had to make with shoddy stolen materials... and in that time, maybe someone with a weapon designed to overpower this one has died, and Vox has already snatched them up and made that weapon in a month, and so Sir P's new weapon is worthless before he uses it. Now he's six months behind.

Except he's not JUST six months behind. All his airships—which are his main bases, his main weapons, his main defenses, and his main transportation all in one—got blown up in '66, so he probably spent all of '66 and probably the next few years airshipless while he tried to rebuild them. Except while he tried to rebuild them, other overlords were stealing his turf because he had no airships to defend it—if he hears a facility of his is being attacked fifty miles away, he's powerless to go defend it. He's got no airships he can send to fight off the attackers. He's got no choice but to lose it. And that happened over and over, and he lost the very facilities he needed to rebuild his airships. So now it's gonna take twice as long to build half as many airships. And during all those YEARS he's trying to rebuild his airships, he's NOT going to be able to expend resources on keeping up with the latest weapons tech.

So in '76, he's not actually struggling to snatch up the newest weapon maker; in '76, he's finally built five airships, and they're all running on '66 technology. How is he going to even BEGIN replicating '76 technology if he completely missed out on learning about the '70 technology it's based on? By the time he's learned about '70 technology and is ready to face '76 technology, it's now '78.

Oh except another overlord who knows he's currently weak and fears what a threat he'll pose when he's strong again goes and crushes all his airships and now he falls behind five years again as he rebuilds AGAIN. And at this point Sir Pent is getting desperate, so he starts making stupid rushed mistakes in a scramble to gain some ground. (Stupid rushed mistakes like charging into Cherri Bomb's turf right after an extermination, or stupid rushed mistakes like aiming a giant cannon at Alastor just because he happens to be there.) And those stupid mistakes lose him more airships and set him back AGAIN.

It's an endless cycle. He lacks the resources to catch up with the latest developments; without the latest developments, he can't get the resources he needs.

History lesson! The fact that Sir Pent was a top overlord for so long was part luck and part momentum. When he died in 1888, he was THE first supervillain. In life he had no peers, and in death he had no peers. He was THE ONLY ONE who knew how to make the weapons of mass destruction he made. He was the ONLY human soul that could make a machine that could slaughter hundreds. The only ones stronger than him were fallen angels and proper demons (not souls who had died, but entities like Lucifer or Stolas) who had proper borderline-godly powers.

In 1933, the Radio Demon took out the power of a vast majority of those proper demons, and that's what buoyed Sir Pent up to being in a position where he could start conquering hell properly. Again, in '33, he was THE ONLY human soul who could do that. (Except, perhaps, Alastor himself, but he has no interest in claiming turf.) Other human souls began gaining power the way he had—both in the living world and in hell, there were people specifically following his example as a supervillain—but he was doing it first, and he was doing it with a lifetime (and afterlifetime) of experience. By the 60s, there were other human overlords around who'd gained some experience and were now just as good at him... but they didn't have his resources. He had a head start on them of decades. So all of them were the ones taking six months to make a weapon because he held all the supplies and personnel they needed to make the weapons. That's the primary reason he was ahead of them. Yeah, he's brilliant... but his overlord opponents are all brilliant too in different ways. The difference was, he's brilliant AND he had ten factories already.

(And it's worth remembering that he also had the Radio Demon, who's basically a walking tornado, on his side for fifteen years; so every once in a while one of Sir Pent's enemies would just have an entire facility mutilated by this dude. Not only is that a powerful weapon to be wielding, but who's gonna wanna go work for one of the guys that might be targeted by the Radio Demon?)

So! That's why Sir Pent fell behind and stayed behind. No heartbreak, and no curse. Just mathematics. Just resources. He stayed ahead because he came into hell with more resources than anyone else and stayed behind after Alastor reduced him to less resources than everyone else.

As for the "karma" section in the fic—not one single word of that scene reflects what's happening in hell in the slightest. Every single word of that scene reflects what's happening in Alastor's head. Fifty years after screwing over Sir P, he feels so miserable that he feels like he's being specifically punished. After seeing how massive and unintended the consequences of his actions are, he feels like he must be some kind of walking curse designed to torture Sir Pent.

On the one hand, seeing everything that's happened to himself and Sir P in the last fifty years and describing it as "karmic punishment/our assigned tortures in hell" is a reflection of how cataclysmically sublimely unhappy they both are. He's like, I'm so damn miserable it's GOTTA be divine punishment because nothing else could be this awful. On the other hand, it lets Alastor push some of the blame off of himself (because this REALLY IS all his fault!) and onto fate instead, like, oh, I couldn't have avoided this, it's our divine punishment. And if it's divine punishment, then there's nothing he can do to change it, is there? There's no point in trying. There's no need for him to say "I'm sorry" and try to make up for his mistakes. Because they aren't really his mistakes. He's just acting out some sort of karmic role. Right?

(And remember that a chapter earlier he was waxing poetic about how hell's not actually a bad place, really, he and Sir Pent deserve to be in hell together because it's the place they'll be happiest. :) :) :) Like, that's a direct contradiction to his "karma" theory. In both cases, neither scene is saying true things about the nature of hell—it's just Alastor's speculation based on how he currently feels.)

The logic fueling his "Sir Pent and I are each other's assigned punishments and there's nothing I can do about that but grin and bear it" is the same logic fueling his "dead sinners can't be redeemed, they had their chance in life and wasted it, now they're in hell forever" to Charlie in the pilot. The message behind both is the same: we can't and shouldn't be forgiven for our past mistakes; why bother trying to make up for them?

[recurring-polynya]

I think it’s pretty evident by now that I am something of a connoisseur of Bleach filler. Like greatness, this is not a thing I have chosen for myself, it is just a thing that has been thrust upon me. And to that end, I need you to know that Bleach #147-149 is the template on which all other filler should be built. I love it. It’s perfect.

I’ve chosen to group it in with the Advance Team Filler, even though it really takes place during the early Hueco Mundo arc. There’s more HM filler much, much later, but it’s after the Cap’n Amagai filler arc, and I feel like this fits more thematically with the Advance Team filler. Also, all the other members of the Advance Team got their own episode and these are Rukia’s.

These episodes are everything I wanted #136-137 to be. One thing that I always want in filler is shitty bad guys who are way below our heroes’ usual standard. I get enough of Ichigo training and tapping into his inner strength during the canon parts. When I’m watching filler, I only want to see him whale on some throwaway villains. The Fullbringer Arc is not actually filler, but it has Big Filler Energy, and Zaraki killing that butler dude in half a second is the most gratifying part of it. 

So, let’s jump in:

We’re in Hueco Mundo, Rukia and Renji have just showed up in their sweet capes, everyone is riding around on Bawabawa. Runuganga, the huge sand dude they defeated last episode, shows up again (he’s made of sand, so he can never die, I guess?) Rukia tries to Second Dance him, but she’s standing on Bawabawa during the part of the attack where the blades go down into the ground, they go into poor Bawabawa instead and he freaks out (and then Renji scolds her, it’s beautiful). Runuganga then makes a sand whirlpool and the process of falling into it, Rukia falls off Bawabawa and gets separated from everyone else as they fall down into the ::Forest::of::the::Menos:: (end reverb)

Everyone in this filler is extremely stupid, but it’s okay, because it doesn’t matter, in fact, it is charming and hilarious. There’s some physical comedy of the Great Desert Brothers falling on Ichigo’s head, Ishida holds forth on Hueco Mundo flora, and literally like 10 minutes pass before Renji notices Rukia is gone and everyone’s like “Whaaaaaa? Rukia, whaaaaat?” They go looking for her, and once again, I cannot emphasize enough that Ichigo and Renji are just Jason-from-the-Good-Place level morons in this episode. Ichigo theorizes that perhaps Rukia is so light that she has been blown away and Renji is all aboard his idiot train.

So, where is Rukia, anyway? She lands somewhere else and immediately gets attacked by Hollows. She’s not really having any trouble holding them off when this dude in a stinky cape covered in Hollow skulls shows up and “saves” her. It’s like this guy saw Renji’s bankai capelet, and said, “this, but cocktail length with extra skulls.” He takes Rukia back to his bachelor cave, where he has cubbies full of mushrooms and a sweet kidou lamp he made himself. Rukia realizes he is a shinigami and yells “WHAT’S YOUR SQUAD?” at him a bunch. He takes off his mask to reveal that he is in fact, dreamy. His name is Ashido and he is Extremely Rukia’s Type, by which I mean he is tall, has spikey hair, and is not very bright.

We get a flashback of Ashido’s sad origin story: he and a bunch of his squad members followed some Hollows back through a Garganta and got stuck in Hueco Mundo. He figures that he can do more good exterminating Hollows where they live rather than trying to get home, so they stay there and fight Hollows until all his friends are dead. Oops. The very sexy Hollow Zorak skull he wears as a mask was in fact, the head of the Hollow who killed his last friend. He uses Hollow skulls to deflect ceros which seems… useful? And sort of made up? As he’s telling this story, the camera pans out and there are a bunch of graves? And he’s like, “I wanted to tell you this story in front of my friends so they could hear the voice of a shinigami again.” Rukia, of course, is like “Ahhhh cool cool cool cool cool cool, no doubt, no doubt” as if she doesn’t also have a hill of friend graves that she likes to pose in front of. He asks Rukia if they have noticed a decrease in Hollows in the Living World due to his efforts and Rukia refuses to answer or to make eye contact. He then observes that some weird crap has been going on lately, did something happen in Soul Society? and Rukia is like “So many things happen in Soul Society, it’s basically unknowable.” Rukia is my queen and president, I love her.

Asido then observes that some morons with too much reiatsu seems to be fighting nearby and attracting every Hollow in the vicinity. Rukia is like, yeah, they’re mine. As they head off in that direction, they get attacked by Hollows and Ashido relives his entire flashback again, but in negative colors. Baller move, Filler Episode.

Some other stuff has happened-- Chad and Ishida rode Bawabawa up a tree? Nel and her Fraccion got kidnapped by the Hollows whom Aizen has allegedly put in charge of the Forest of Menos? I feel like Aizen just said that to get rid of them, these guys are more like some over-enthusiastic Steelers fans you accidentally sat next to at the bar than actual villains. All this is slightly boring, except for two things:

1. Everyone has started treating Bawabawa like Lassie, where he goes “BAWABAWAWAWABAWA” and someone will reply to him like he’s a person, “Nel has been kidnapped? She’s stuck in the old abandoned well?” I love Bawabawa so much, I love yelling “BAWABAWA”, and I never once got sick of this gag, not even for a second.

2. As you might expect, the Forest of Menos is full of Menos. Hundreds of Menos. Pantsloads of Menos. You may remember a million episodes ago, when Ichigo still had Rukia’s powers, and he had to tie his sword to Ishida’s head in order to defeat a Menos. Those days are over. Menos are bowling pins now. Ichigo and the gang are just annihilating Menos. Menos corpses everywhere. Chad punches a Menos in the foot and it dies. I’m pretty sure Renji deflects a cero with his bare arm and then kills like 30 Menos who are standing in a line, which makes them very convenient to run over with Hihiou Zabimaru. Ashido has been down here for *hundreds of years* trying to reduce the number of Hollows, and it’s clear that the Karakura Kids + Renji could clear this place out in an afternoon and still have the energy to go Cosmic Bowling afterwards.

Meanwhile, Rukia and Ashido run into Ashido’s old nemesis, the Boss Hollow of the Forest. Ashido fights him dramatically for a while, and then he makes a bad deflection and the guy is about to hit Rukia, “RUUUUUKIIAAAAA NOOOOOOO!”, mantis skull flashback *again.*  And here is where this episode becomes next level, because Rukia goes to shikai and just goes ham on the guy, and you realize that she has been slumming this entire time. Ashido is a joke. He doesn’t even have shikai. Rukia is so much better than him and the only explanation for this is that she’s been letting him look cool because she wants to tap that. Ashido just accepts this, and I assume this is the point where they have mediocre Hueco Mundo sex.

We go back to the boys, who have defeated all the Hollows they could find and found the exit, and are fretting because they still don’t know where Rukia is. Then Rukia just walks up, “Hey guys, what’s going on in this thread?” They all start to leave when one of the Hollows from earlier comes back (you had ONE JOB, Ichigo, everyone else killed their Hollow) with 50 Menos. Keep in mind, based on earlier events, this would take Ishida like 6 seconds to take care of, but Ashido has to dramatically face them himself. There’s a hilarious bit where he turns back to fight the Hollow and Ichigo and Renji run right past him. He can’t even run fast. He’s terrible. Anyway, some rocks start falling and Ichigo and Renji get entranced by them (shiny!) and Ashido jumps past the rockslide to fight the Hollows and is therefore trapped and they have to leave him behind.

Back on the surface, Rukia takes a knee and makes a dramatic speech while Ichigo and Renji stand behind her like good wingmen and press F in chat. It ends with this:

I cannot see this without thinking about that part in Shrek 2 where Shrek says “I promise I shall repay you, unless I can’t find you, or I forget!” Especially because Rukia 100% forgets that Ashido exists and we never see him again.

Advance Team Filler Masterpost

[anneapocalypse]

A Chorus World Map

Note: This is not a definitive map! With the exception of two locations, this is not canon. This is just a working model I came up with based on environmental and contextual clues, to have a reference for writing fic.

If you're curious how I came up with this, keep reading!

Map description: A world map of Chorus built on the blue map base shown at the Temple of Arms. The Purge Temple is located on an island left of center, set between the three main continents but closes to the top left continent. Radio Jammer 1C is on a smaller island north and slightly east of the Purge. The rest of the locations are place on the planet's largest continent, taking up most of the right half of the map. Federal Army Outpost 37 is placed at the tip of a long peninsula extending from the northern side of the continent. Crash Site Alpha is on the coast at the northwest corner of the continent, with Crash Site Bravo to the southwest. The Temple of Trials is on the west coast about midway down. The Temple of Arms and Charon Research Complex C-2 are at the southern tip of the continent. Armonia is inland, north and a little east of the Temple of Arms. New Republic Headquarters is just west of the center of the continent, with the Abandoned Fueling station immediately to the northeast. Federal Army Outpost 22 is a ways north and east of New Republic HQ, a little east of the base of the peninsula. The Temple of the Key is inland on the eastern side of the continent. The Temple of Communications is to the south of the Temple of the Key.

Adventures in Cartography

I began by overlaying the two temple maps we're given in season 13. The first (blue) shows the coordinates Tucker is given at the Temple of Arms. These coordinates are where the True Warrior test takes place. I call it the Temple of Trials. (That's not canon, it's just easier to say and it sounds cool.)

The second (red) shows the coordinates given by Santa at the Temple of Trials. Based on his dialogue, it is slightly confusing whether he's talking about the location of the Purge or the Key:

Santa: (to Tucker) As its bearer, the Great Key will remain bonded to you and you alone, until the time of your death. If you believe the inhabitants of this planet are not ready for my creators' gifts, activating the Purge will cleanse them.

Carolina: And by "cleanse" you mean...?

Santa: All sentient life on Chorus will be exterminated.

Tucker: Dude. Buzzkill.

Epsilon: And... where exactly is this thing?

Santa: Here. (a red holographic map lights up with a dot pointing at the Purge's location, east of the Jungle Temple) I will also update all previously sent maps with temple locations.

I believe that map marker is the Key, because that is where everyone goes next. In particular, it's the map marker the mercs see at one of the other temples, right before they head for the Temple of the Key. It fits Carolina's description of "the mountains east of our location."

So these are our touchstones: the Temple of Trials and the Temple of the Key.

Biomes

The next thing I did was attempt to sort the Chorus locations into climate groups based on their environments.

Jungle/yellow sky

Crash Site Alpha

Crash Site Bravo (canyon)

Temple of Trials (on the water)

Temple of Gravity (near Crash Site Alpha and the Purge)

Remote Research Facility (established to study wildlife)

Tropical?

Radio Jammer Station 1C (island off the coast, sky half blue half stormy)

Desert

Abandoned Fueling Station

New Republic HQ (right on the edge of the jungle)

Temple of Communication (debatable, but rocky and not a lot of foliage)

Snowy/Mountainous

Federal Army Outpost 22 (on the edge of the mountains, not snowy)

Federal Army Outpost 37 (on the water, amid mountains but at sea level)

Temple of the Key (high in the mountains)

Grassy/Deciduous

Temple of Arms & Charon Excavation site (on the water, visible from Complex C-2)

Charon Research Complex C-2 (near the Temple of Arms, within visibility)

Unsettled Territory

Who Fucking Knows

Armonia (but it seems warm)

The Purge (red crystal hell)

Directionality

Armonia -> unsettled territory -> Temple of Trials

Armonia -> Fueling Station -> Crash Site Alpha

The Temple of Trials is a shorter trip from Armonia than Crash Site Alpha, thought probably not by more than an hour or so.

New Republic HQ -> Fueling Station -> Federal Army Outpost 37

Crash Site Alpha is relatively close to the Temple of the Purge.

The Communication Temple is to the east of Crash Site Bravo. It seem to be night at the Comm Temple while it is still daylight at Crash Site Alpha.

Why I put almost everything on one continent

The two canon locations are both on that continent, and while characters sometimes have access to air vehicles and teleportation grenades, in both seasons 12 and 13 there is a lot of ground travel happening. (Also, all the grenades detonate early in season 13 and all travel from there on has to be done the long way.) In particular:

Felix leads the Reds and Blues from Crash Site Bravo to New Republic Headquarters by ground, via caves.

Tucker, Grif, Simmons, and Caboose travel from New Republic Headquarters to Federal Army Outpost 37 by Warthog, stopping at the gas station in between.

Carolina and her away team travel from Armonia to the Temple of Trials by ground, passing through unsettled territory.

Kimball leads the troops from Armonia to Crash Site Alpha by ground, also through unsettled territory.

While many of the locations are located by water, we don't have any instances of characters crossing a large body of water.

We're already kind of handwaving how quickly characters can move across the continent in land vehicles, without adding intercontinental travel to the mix.

Doyle claims in season 12 that the rebels were given opportunity to move to a different part of the planet and build their own society. This suggests that a fair amount of Chorus still remains unsettled.

While we don't know the population of Chorus at the time of canon events, if we take a bit of Sarge's dialogue, he refers to "thousands." Even if we estimate generously and say this could be hundreds of thousands, we're still looking a severely contracted population. For comparison, 100,000 to 300,000 people is considered a medium-sized city in the US. With the population so depleted and the war still raging, it makes sense that the populated area of Chorus would have shrunk considerably even if it was once larger.

Keep in mind that this doesn't mean there is nothing of interest on the other continents. There might be more alien towers, settlements, other cities. For this map I’m only working with locations relevant to the Chorus Trilogy storyline, not the entire world.

Other Considerations

As this is a flattened map of a globe, it is not to scale and landmasses distort more the further they are toward the corners. It is probably best, therefore, not to get too hung up on distances. For visibility's sake the map markers are misleadingly large, and appear a lot closer to one another than they actually would be on the ground.

For my purposes I consider any Chorus canon post-season 13 to be entirely optional, but for what it's worth, the brief view we get of Chorus from space during the blockade lines up pretty well with this map, with that main continent being the one most clearly in view—and also the one at which the fleet have pointed their cannons. It is also worth nothing from this image that the bifurcated continent in the upper left corner of the map actually appears to come quite close to the central continent where it wraps around the globe. For that reason, while I'm thinking of this central continent in terms of north and south, it's probably a bit misleading to look at the whole map that way.

We can see where the sun strikes the planet in that image, but without knowing the planet's axial tilt or where the poles are, it's impossible to determine exactly where the equator is, so again, not getting hung up on it. I'm also taking the appearance of the land itself as a very general suggestion, as the area where the Temple of the Key would be doesn't show any snow. Nevertheless, we can see that central continent divided into three distinct regions: green, tan, and a darker brown. Or: jungle (with some grassy and deciduous area to the south), desert, and mountains.

It makes sense to me that the Temple of the Purge would be located somewhere remote and difficult to access, so I played it off the mainland, on an island.

It's hard to tell in the show, but the Halo map representing the radio jammer is an island, and I thought that made sense as somewhere Charon would place one. They wouldn't put the jammers too close to populated areas, in case the Chorusans got the bright idea to try to shoot them down.

Federal Outpost 37 (the outpost where Wash, Sarge, Donut, and Lopez are taken and where they meet Doyle) is snowy and cold, but it's also right on the water, at sea level, so the cold can't be due to elevation. It made sense to put it further north. According to the Fan Guide, this outpost became the Feds' primary base of ops after they pulled out of Armonia, and while highly defensible due to an "enormous frozen wall," it's also a difficult position from which to mount an offensive. For all these reasons it made sense to me to put it at the end of the northern peninsula.

I probably debated the most where to place Armonia, as it could go pretty much anywhere warm. The scene where Carolina goes out to the city limits is probably the most indicative of Armonia's climate, and I think it would most likely sit right on the edge between desert and the deciduous area south of the jungle, and that's where I've placed it. (I entertained the idea of putting it on that big south central island, but the channel separating it from the mainland would be a lot bigger than it looks on the map, and in the end it just didn't really fit.)

Though I didn't include it on this map, I like to think Chorus might have rebuilt their new capital near the Temple of Communication, in the bones of a city that survived the war abandoned but mostly intact.

I hope you enjoy this map, and perhaps find it useful! Please credit if using, as there is a whole lot of my own headcanon and analysis going into this. 

As with all meta, nothing is set in stone. I will almost certainly find something I don’t like about it five minutes after I hit “post.” :P But it’s a working model! which is more than we had before.

[tessatechaitea]

Teen Titans Spotlight #5: Jericho

Princess of Gemworld

How will he not know when he finds his fingers have been Crazy Glued to his cock?

With Jericho's powers, I don't know why he needs Garfield's fingerprints. Why not just possess Steve Dayton himself, knock him out so he can't scream for help, and just walk in to grab the promethium? Or hire his dad to get the shit! He could probably guilt Deathstork into doing loads of illegal stuff for him.

Why would Steve Dayton allow Garfield Logan access to his promethium?! Yeah, I fucking know Logan's his son. It still doesn't fucking make sense!

Jericho takes the promethium back to Arthur Lord so he can trade it to the Quraci government and save his daughter's life. But it's only after Lord leaves Addie's place with the promethium that she says to Jericho, "I think we just got scammed!"

Jericho responds, "I think you're a loser."

Sure enough, Penny and Arthur were just using Joey and his mom to get their hands on the most destructive non-Lobo thing in the DC Universe. Penny is all, "That dupe actually thought I loved him! But we didn't even fuck! I just held a tin of microwaved potato salad between my legs and let him fuck that." That's what sex feels like, right? Fucking warm potato salad? I mean, I totally know that's what it's like. I hope! I mean, I don't hope it feels like that in that I love the feeling of fucking warm potato salad! I hope that's what it feels like so people who have fucked don't think I haven't fucked because I described it poorly. We all have different experiences anyway! You can't invalidate my description of what it felt like when I totally had sex all those times! Joseph, being the biggest dupe of them all, didn't replace the promethium tablets with Sugar Mamas like I would have expected him to do. So now he and his mother have to break into Arthur Lord's secret laboratory and resteal the promethium tablets! If only they had consulted Nightwing, they could have been done with this adventure already. He would have been all, "Man, Joey, you smell like potato salad ! Did you fall for the fake lover with the potato salad between her legs trick? You better not trust her, buddy!" Oh, I was wrong! They don't break into Lord's place at all! They think their smartest move is to break into Qurac and kidnap Curt, Penny's husband! I guess they can use him as leverage. Although couldn't Joey have lifted Penny's fingerprints off of his prostate to gain access to the secret lab? If Joey had the ability to sneak into Qurac to rescue Penny without risking the entire world by giving Qurac promethium, why the fuck wasn't that the plan from the beginning?! I'm starting to sense that maybe Marv Wolfman was on Quaaludes when he wrote this script.

That would be Joey's crotch.

There's an advert for NBC's Saturday morning line-up in this issue and it just makes me wonder: if modern conservatives are so pissed off about everything in our culture that they see as emasculating the kind of man they think every guy should be, where the fuck were they in 1986 while I was watching Kissyfur, The Gummi Bears, Smurfs, Punky Brewster, Alvin and the Chipmunks, Foofur, and Kidd Video?! The most manly cartoon in that list is Alvin and the Chipmunks and they wore dresses! Stop doing the math and trying to point out that I was fourteen or fifteen in 1986! Gummi Bears had one of the best cartoon theme songs (right after Ducktales)! I'm going to go listen to it right now! Joey and Adeline take Curt to Tokyo where they finally begin interrogating him. Even though he spent multiple days being tortured by the Quraci government, he wouldn't tell them a thing. He spends two minutes alone with Adeline and Joseph and he begins spilling the beans. The only threat they used was that Joey was going to put himself inside hi...oh. I see what he's afraid of! Dude, it's nothing to be frightened of! Just relax, man! Joseph's a sensitive poet. He'll definitely provide a reach-around. Joseph infiltrates Lord's secret base and discovers he's resurrecting H.I.V.E. (which stands for Hierarchy of International Vengeance and Extermination which is fucking stupid. Just spitballing for a few seconds and I already came up with a better one: Higher Institute of Violent Extremism!). Joseph's movements are described as catlike which is why he's noticed freaking the fuck out, bouncing off walls, and yowling at the top of his voice. Arthur Lord, leader of an organization full of soldiers who are only in the organization because they killed a bunch of other master fighters, decides to fight Joseph himself. His mighty warriors (the best of the best!) just stand around in robes watching.

What good is your invaluable edge if you're not going to use it?! Kill the little creep, you idiot!

Arthur Lord tackles Joseph straight through a wall where they both disappear from view. Then he emerges and he's all, "He's dead! And since Joseph can't control the host's talking, I must be myself and telling the truth! Ha ha ha!" But I know better! Remember how I already saw there's another issue in this stupid story arc? Joseph is totally still alive! And probably possessing Arthur! And probably able to speak because Arthur was knocked unconscious! Pshaw! Marv Wolfman, you need better twists! Arthur and H.I.V.E. take off from their secret base to go take over the world. And they won't need the base anymore for some reason, so they just blow up the island on the way out. Ugh, he's the worst kind of tenant. Teen Titans Spotlight #5: Jericho Rating: B-. So much betrayal! So many twists and turns! Not much fucking though. Which makes it a mediocre Teen Titans story. And yes, the B- factors in the fact that this whole conflict is, once again, somehow driven by family.

[wanderingtycho]

An excerpt of Tycho rambling about Wolfenstein II

Okay so for the past couple weeks, I’ve been playing through all of the new generation Wolfenstein games from Bethesda and Machine Games, having platinumed both Old Blood and New Order. I’m currently one trophy away from platinuming New Colossus(take a wild guess as to what trophy it is), and I was discussing some of the games themes with two friends of mine over Telegram. 

This isn’t going to be me doing a proper review or evaluation of the game, this is just a sampling from that conversation, keep in mind one of my friends chose to omit their contributions so the context is a little skewed.

Hope you enjoy my inflammatory ramblings, I’m half tempted to muster a proper critique of New Colossus because I’ve been spending so much time with it, but I’m really lazy so here’s my off the cuff ranting.

Me: New Colossus is fucking nuts man. I’ve made it halfway through the game thinking “I wonder how BJ is gonna get the outfit he’s wearing on the cover?” and then they answered that question in the most what the fuck manner possible. 

My Friend(who shall be referred to as “E”): I heard it was nuts. The one clip I saw was so nuts that I decided to not buy the game lol Eh, maybe I'm just being a picky asshole again lol.

Me: It's worth picking up, I love any game that takes the risk of mixing disturbing subject material with absurdist comical elements. Having played both back to back, I can say there was a definite retooling and redesigning of a lot of stuff between New Order and New Colossus, and I think NC is the superior game overall as a result.

Me: is that an unpopular one? I knew some douchebags were butthurt about the marketing campaigns, but I dont think anyones gonna throw a fit over me saying its better than New Order.

Me: I mean, I'm not saying I dont fancy the position of unpopularity, it seems to me a lot of negative attention towards New Colossus is from people who're either A. racist scumbags in their own right who dont appreciate a video game portraying people who share their ideologies(Nazi's, the Klan)as the bad/incompetent guys. Or B. standard run of the mill privileged white male gamers who just dont get the humoristic overtones and satire that the narrative is presenting.

Me: The ignorance part is true, but I'm of the opinion that ignorance is held and espoused by that particular subset, hence why the biggest "criticism" of the game I've seen goes along the lines of accusing the story and narrative of being "SJW, liberal pandering power fantasies" because the main cast consists of Jewish characters, many black character who're also members of the Black Revolutionary Front(1960's civil rights group), neurodivergent characters, gay characters basically all the groups of people the Nazi's tried to exterminate. The main character, however, William Joseph Blazkowicz, is a stereotypical all American square jawed Aryan white male soldier that comprises a vast majority of video game protagonists because again, game companies are encouraged to appeal to that repeating demographic(hence why Booker DeWitt is on the cover of Bioshock Infinite, and Elizabeth is not). And William’s features and status as that stereotype are brought up frequently over the course of both games, its a plot point, when this white westerner warrior is forced to confront the reality that before the Nazi's took over in this fictional world, minority groups were already being oppressed by the American government and people, not just the Germans.(In the words of J, "Before Hitler, before the Germans, YOU were the Nazi's.") and the second revelation: while the war was going on, there were plenty of Americans back home saying they should just let Germany win and take over the world, that America and Germany should fight together to ensure the white mans superiority, hence why when America surrendered to the Nazi's their transition of power went so smoothly(For real life historical context, 50,000 American Nazi's gathered in Madison Square Garden in New York to express their support for Hitler and the Third Reich in 1940, so American Neo-Nazi's isnt an outlandish concept.) These shocking realizations are shocking to William and most likely to the white members of the audience base, who have been told their entire lives that all Americans are and were totally opposed to Nazism, because America is always the hero and never to the antagonist. While William grapples with this internal and external conflict, the brainless saps who lob accusations of pandering and SJW agendas get pissed, because their natural knee jerk defensive reaction whenever these subjects are brought up is to shout it down and decry it as attempts to exploit "white guilt". So yes, Wolfenstein is a power fantasy game, but it includes themes and ideas that spoil the already existing fantasies of pasty, privileged white gamers who've grown used to getting exactly the message they want out of their consumed media, and throw a hissy fit whenever elements they dont approve of are included in a mainstream product.

.

Me: Exactly, BJ is a great character because he's a stereotype, but the creators are self aware enough to understand that he's a stereotype and that lets them invert a lot of things to make him interesting and engaging rather than a milquetoast slab of boring white bread. Also as an aside, this really tripped me out because at one point BJ goes back to his childhood home in Mesquite Texas, which is where I grew up to.

Me: Also, didnt include this in my massive paragraph, but I wanted to mention how at the beginning of the game William is wheelchair bound because he was blown up by a grenade at the end of New Order. You get a suit of powered armor that lets you walk again, but your health is halved and they make it a point to say that his legs wont work again and he is now impotent. So again, you have this character who's an embodiment of white American masculinity not only physically disabled, but his dick doesnt work. Two themes that likely interfere with the power fantasy the aforementioned pissed off douches were trying to have, rather than appreciating the game as a parody of power fantasies, again people missing the entire point.

E: Also, I watched a clip of the game and it was stupid ridiculous and over the top that it just shattered my suspension of disbelief for the game.

Like how do the nazis take over if they're so incompetent that 20 of them and their 2 war machines can be murdered by one pregnant woman?

And how does the rebellion still talking like they're taking risks when the one dude they send out comes back with a billion nazi scalps?

But like I said, stingy asshole. Maybe I'll pick it up when it goes on sale for cheap.

Plus I could also be just mad at Bethesda.

But then again I did really like Prey.

Also, I heard the game was short.

Like shorter then New Order.

Me: Like I said, I think it's worth buying, and I got it cheap at 30 bucks. As for the realism factor, it's an Id game, gritty STALKER esque accuracy and believability isn't what I expect from them. Short? Not that I've experienced, it's structured and progresses differently but I'd say both games are of comparable length and content.