#due to them being Made Up By Me
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The Blights + Onion/Reductress headlines
#the owl house#amity blight#odalia blight#alador blight#edric blight#emira blight#onion headlines#i wanted to do a family jewels onion headlines but Sadly i have no screenshots of annalise or clarendon#due to them being Made Up By Me#might do a text based FJ version in future
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people who hate Tendou clearly cannot appreciate his greatest charm: he is the cutest big bro in the world
#tendou saying hes gonna kill every (thing here) to protect his sisters: this is the best kamen rider of the era#Jyuka Tendou#Souji Tendou#also dont get me started on how Jyuka is actually the most important character in the series because she was always making those two hang#she made them become friends and that changed the world...it changed both their worlds and changed OUR world for it!#kagami changing for the better to one up tendou and realizing he actually can protect tendou...#tendou changing for the kinder due to being around kagami...using his OWN WORDS of kindness in the last ep instead of his grandmas words#thats all jyuka baaaaby she did that#not art#Kamen Rider Kabuto
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the way that people reduce jason and stephanie’s characters into one-dimensional archetypes (especially when talking about their deaths) compared to the rest of the batfamily is based off of fucking classism and i hate it so much.
#batman#jason todd#stephanie brown#and do not get me started on how people treat duke damian and cass because that is some racist ass bs there!#just because they grew up poor doesn’t make them dumb#red hood#spoiler#batgirl#and is dick being romani still canon or was that retconned?#also while we’re on the topic all of the robins were angry at the world and with good reason due to their own traumatic experiences#and also the fact they made willis todd abusive to jason because of poverty is so fucking stupid as well
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stop fucking flirting with me, you rancid little man
#bg3#thoughts about media#never had this dialogue before. durge exclusive or...??#either way- I'm lying astarion. please keep talking about murder. it does something for me personally.#also LMAO at him “hiding” his vampirism. baby I can SEE your fangs and bite mark. you aren't hiding shit.#imagining him asking corydalis this and corydalis having to explain that decapitating him would be difficult due to his scaly skin.#with the parasite- his abilities are weakened and thus he can actually be poisoned whereas normally he is immune.#he'd admit he's always been curious what it's like to be poisoned lol.#you know. despite only having fully beat the game once- I have nearly 500 hrs in bg3.#I've half finished many campaigns. and now. when I must begin an adventure with no corydalis to return to...#...well it hurts. it is not the same without him...I will forever treasure him and experiencing the story alongside him.#this new character is a durge. aaaanother tiefling because I enjoy them. he isn't Actually the durge lorewise though.#I had my own story already formulated for him. even before I made him in game. I think I still want to keep him a bhaalspawn though.#if not bhaal- he'll be tied to myrkul. since corydalis has existing beef with myrkul.#he's got body type 1 instead of 2 and goodness it is SO strange to Look Up To the gents. like what do you MEAN they are TALL?!#astarion is like a little mouse. he is not supposed to be tall! wyll has transmasculine short king allure. he is not supposed to be tall!#gale can be a LITTLE tall. I guess. but he's such a sopping wet cat of a man. I can hardly imagine him being THAT tall.#none of them are taller than corydalis! bar halsin and karlach of course.
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to anyone dealing with ptsd, has there been anything that has helped relieve some of the symptoms?
#im emotionally stuck due to the constant reliving of what happened#i get these weirdly intense flashbacks where i can remember the how the fabric of the couch looked like up close#and how they felt. and how everything looked. the way the colored lights hit the room a certain way#i think i did myself a disservice by thinking i was soooo in love that i didn’t want to forget any details lmao#now i can remember everything like a photograph and sometimes i find myself back in my old apartment and the fear floods my chest#and i can’t breathe and my stomach starts turning it’s terrible. i really felt like i was in hell#i stopped smoking ouid 3 weeks ago bc whenever these flashbacks would happen the high would make them HD and it would send me into a loop#but now i think weed was the thing keeping me above water… it’s been a rough 3 weeks. but before i start smoking again#i wanted to ask if anyone found something else that made it a little easier#it’s been months since our break up and i really want to move on. i’ve tried to meet other people but i’m terrified of men#and i find myself unable to connect with anyone…#i’ve been physically better which i am so grateful for because being unhealthy was my biggest reason i was so depressed#i’ve been doing therapy but i talk about the same thing with her every week. i’m tired of it#i think i’m still in disbelief that they did that to me. i never thought they’d be capable of hurting someone so badly.#i can’t get over the fact that he r***** me for months while i was disabled and pretended not to know what he was doing was bad#i realized he knew when he tried to make it look like i was crazy. that made me really sad. i think i was hoping he was clueless so#i could still believe he was a good person… or at least the man i fell in love with. i was willing to forgive him once he apologized…#when he tried to make it seem like i was going insane the blindfold came off and i saw him for who he really was#like no wonder i was so scared of u dude… no wonder i kept having panic attacks anytime we were together and i couldn’t sleep next to u#i’ve been afraid to admit that shit broke me as a person. i don’t think i’ll ever be the same. i can’t function.#plus knowing i stayed for her bc i was worried for her and didn’t want her to experience the same thing without someone there bc i realized#how good he was at gaslighting and lying. only to find out she was waiting for an excuse to get rid of me… she wanted me gone…#i went thru all that for nothing…#and i still don’t understand why each time i tried to leave for my own good- to get medical help and support they begged me to stay!!! why#brain vomit
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just two partners relaxing after a mission <3
#resident evil#ashley graham#manuela hidalgo#ashuela#re4#the darkside chronicles#okay i’m going to infodump about the fanfic/au of them i’ve got in my head so people understand#this is set in the og 4 timeline btw.. i had agent!ashley first capcom 💥💥#anyways after re4 Ashley decides that she wants to become an agent#because she wants to feel like leon’s equal (she really admires him and looks up to him and has a complex about it basically but it’s not#weird like it is in canon vs ashley just being very traumatized and developing a personality disorder bc of her trauma lmao)#other than that I think she doesn’t ever want to feel like she’s helpless again and she doesn’t want other people to feel that way either#she has good intentions but is still in denial about how corrupt the government is (but she is very much starting to learn bc her father is#a total POS and she’s gonna realize how little he actually cares about her pretty quickly)#re4r made her a little too patriotic for me but that’s beside the point#Manuela is also an agent who was training around the same time as Ashley but her role is much different due to her BOW status#she’s also been in american gov custody since she was 15 and she does Not like them#I’m still going back and forth with how I write Manuela but she knows how expendable she is and knows they only keep her so she doesn’t get#traded off in the BOW black market and become of use to someone dangerous to the gov#there is a lot more about the progression of their relationship and their dynamic as a partner team but i’ll save it for the fic#unrelated to the plot AS FOR THEIR DESIGNS. i realized too little too late how DMC looking ashley is 😭 but it’s fine#I based her design off of her 3.5 design and my own personal spins#manuela’s outfit is much less elaborate because . she doesn’t want it to. catch on fire . LMAO.#I want to give her more outfits for Off the job scenes and really elaborate on the sense of style she develops when she’s on her own#also LET HER HAVE BURN SCARS?? I know that because she’s a BOW she would probably. heal much faster and her body would regenerate#but that’s lame so she gets to have at least Some scarring. capcom writing be damned#oh also this isn’t relevant to their overall stories either but they are both so autistic .. manuela listens to music to decompress#and calm down after stressful missions and she also hums/sings as a stim okay thank you that’s all
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Weird intense sertraline dreams are super real side effect.
#zoloft#sertraline#i just took a nap from like 9pm-ish to 11pm#i had a dream with a whole bunch of youtubers in it and i have no clue why#i think i made up like half of them just from names i've heard while others were people i either still watch or just used to watch#and there were LEVELS to this dream that i didn't even fully realize until like 30 minutes after waking up#like one youtuber was being called by another name yet they still had drama with another who was there#and it took me remembering the dream to realize that that drama was somewhat real but the different name made me not notice at first#it was WEIRD. also at one point i was living in like a campus or something but there were different climates like every 20 feet#like snow but also multiple pools and a weird like rollercoaster but you walk/slide in it... this is vaguely still coming back to me#also a weird sauna i was in then someone helped me out of it#and LITERALLY as if i was playing the sims i felt my consciousness almost like press buttons to change the POV#and the 'camera' left my eyes and moved to the outside of the sauna so i watched the person carry my sleeping body out#and i'm just NOW remembering that part and being like... what... i mean i literally intentionally changed the camera controls of my dream#guys i am hennaing my hair i was supposed to rinse it out at like 10:30ish but slept through that so i've had it in for an extra hour#which is fine. i like the more intense color. but i've been slowly remembering bits and pieces of this dream#for the last 45 minutes and it's so weird i need to somewhat document it#because it was like 4 different plotlines and the youtuber one was only one of them and the campus thing was another#oh my god i just remembered clark baxtresser from starkid was in the campus part and he was singing and i was like chasing him#through the rollercoaster (or maybe just sliding behind him?) and singing along and i think i dreamt that part due to VHS Christmas Carol#that JUST came back to me. that was such a weird aspect. i think i thought it was weird even in the moment.#i haven't remembered most of the weird sertraline dreams so i'm glad i put down bits of this one
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every time i go home my family just wants me to sit in the living room silent while they watch tv. what are they getting out of this
#i do not understand how it is enjoyable for them. or how my being there makes it better#personal#they seem to always be upset about my being distant (emotionally#but also physically)#but they don't make an effort to connect that is discernable to me. they don't want to hear about my life (because i'm not uh.#straight#christian#appropriate gender expression#etc. i do not attempt to be that person)#they want me to visit and when i do#they a. ignore me completely or b. pick fights with me that end in someone yelling and/or crying#they probably care about my well-being but.#i dont think they really like me#me as in the real me. rather than the idea of me that they have made up#i think the places i have made mistakes are due to me not holding my tongue (being too honest/engaging when a fight is brewing)#so that's why i'm distant. i don't think i'm a bad person for dealing with them in that way
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actually used r*ddit for the first time in a thousand years just to comfort a self proclaimed 'grown ass man' regarding his feelings about feeling lost and grieving over the death of RT.
I usually stay away from commenting on public forums and the like, but he was clearly confused and didn't understand why he was hurting and it was frustrating him. it genuinely makes me so sad that a lot of cis men deeply struggle with allowing themselves to feel sadness if it doesn't directly relate to someone close to them dying.
and so I kind of said as much. told him that just because RT wasn't a real human doesn't mean that the decades of comfort it brought him didn't matter. that the brain doesn't differentiate between the loss of a person vs. the loss of something intangible that was still incredibly important.
told him to give himself the grace to grieve and be sad that something he loved was ending and that he wasn't the only one feeling that way. and surprisingly he replied and said he really needed to hear that, as did a couple of other dudes. which made me glad I said something. it sucks that they feel like they need permission or a reason to feel hurt/grief tho
there's definitely a strangeness to feeling grief over the end of media. but if it impacted your life for the better, then of course you're going to feel sad and lost. especially from folks you've been watching the better part of two decades.
#[static]#putting it under a read more because im being long-winded about it#RT was a big part of my life in the 2010s and i met a lot of great people because of it#i stopped watching around 2019-2020 due to life stuff and the controversies going on#but then f**ckface showed up and it's been one of the few podcasts that i genuinely enjoy and make me feel safe and comfortable#the content they made became too much for me to keep up with so i stopped for the most part#but f**ckface was the best of it all and brought me back to the good old days :) its hard to describe but it just felt magical#anyways i think ppl should be allowed to grieve even if there was 'writing on the walls' or whatever#RT is not without its issues for sure but a lot of them grew as people in to genuine good folks and that's awesome#and even though i only partake in a very small part of RT nowadays i too will be very sad to see it go#im going to watch the livestream in an hour and keep an ear out for if folks end up working on new projects
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girl my brain has been doing nothing but drawing slutty man all day
#this does not mean ive made a ton of progress though#bc i am extremelt paranoid due to my family being able to see whatever i am drawing whenever they felt like sneaking up on me#and im just. not interested in any sort of that conversation#or any conversation. i hate them
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.
#tag talk#fuck. I might just be a straight woman.#like. I like men. and the more I transition the more I vibe with binary womanhood.#sure I don't like getting shoved into restrictive femininity. but I vibe with womanhood as separate from femininity.#anyway. I might be straight. and In ten years it's very possible that being trans becomes a much less huge part of my life#because it will stop being something that I do and something that I wish for and simply something that I am#yeah yeah whatever hi my name is Reggie and I like men#I just. as much as I don't like certain restrictive gender roles I find myself slotting very comfortably into others#and I realize that my idea of gender and their roles was very much shaped by my female role models growing up#and a lot of the disconnect and distress when growing up was due to not being able to follow the path everyone else did.#all my girl friends were growing up into women and I was stuck on the man track.#and being gay was the closest I could get to being myself#but I'm closer than I've ever been before to being able to live my truth as myself#still not gonna shave my legs unless it's sometime in the future for a very specific event.#I like them fuzzy. they make me feel cool.#I like having some cultural masculinity still. I just don't want to be defined by it#talking about my binary trans experience is always a little weird because I'm aware of how binary I'm describing things#and I get that if my words were used to describe someone else's experience it might end up sounding hella transphobic#but these words are for me. they're my experience. they're my life not someone else's.#and this is how my identity works.#it's like how feminism protects the right of trad wives to be trad wives.#we just gotta recognize that just because one woman wants to be the designated dishwasher not every woman feels that way.#anyway. I might be dating a guy by this time next week. he's cool so far and we kinda got match-made by a mutual friend#we watched Redline tonight and it's hella good#he's really cool but I feel like I've got something to provide and to bring to the relationship. so we're still on peer-level I think.#which is new. usually I'm way ahead of the other person. maybe my fault for fishing in the bad fish barrel#the emotionally damaged and burdened fish barrel.
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FUCK YOUR FATHER FUCK YOUR FATHER FUVK YOUR FATHWR FU--
#final one tonight (and the one i was looking for when i found the other one i was initially looking for)#(in my. fucking. folder.)#this has to be book 1??? i'm certain it is (shot taken revisiting prev books)#still like. this is so fuvked up. like. it's been so long and so it's easy to forget (esp w gustav being canonically dead now)#but like. imagine having a parent who refuses to fucking talk to you in your own fucking house#just cause they disagree w a choice you made.#and like as i say that i know for some people they don't have to imagine. severely fucked up and i'm so sorry.#UGH..... IT'S JUST...... SO UNFATHOMABLY CRUEL.#oh but he's just strict. a stern father figure. dude shut up i'm gonna throw up LMFAOOOOO#also not to be queer about it but oh my god. holy shit. oh my fucking god. jesus fucking christ. FUCK#there are many reasons alfonse fire emblem makes me insane and unwell and this js one of them#to me he's like. def queer but not in a way where it's visible. heavily influenced/defined by his agab and how he was raised due to it.#he has Just Enough things going for him to make it so he has done Everything Right.#and yet. that does not free him from SO many horrors. in a way he's punished for it. but it's all he's ever known.#it's normal. he's normal. everything is normal. this is just how it's supposed to be.#i'm going to chew on his arm. gnaw at his fuvking shoulders. have him sit on my lap and be held.#for once in his fuckinh life.#what thw fuck ever man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EXPLODE ‼️‼️‼️💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥#fe alfonse
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Aw man, just reread my document I wrote on my speculation on how the metagene works & how modern DC could rewrite it to being a result of retroviruses & transposons and man, I really wish I finished that post.
Unfortunately, the reason I stopped was explaining it all down to the point where someone with little genetic knowledge could still understand it proved to be too lengthy and long winded of a task.
Maybe one day I’ll pour myself back into research & finish that speculative paper. Bc I had a whole fun idea that relied on that background information that was about the Daily Planet reporting on the discovery of an entire city of metas with similar meta abilities. The town faced such high levels of radiation and contamination, only the population with the meta gene survived:(
#The meta ability was just super perfect cell replication.#No changes outward. They appear perfectly normal#to be clear. ppl still age. the power is just that their cells are super good at replicating the way they’re meant to#Zero chance of tumors or damaged DNA due to the radiation because their meta ability just resumes them to their previous state.#the city blows up afterward in the news cycle due to people trying to go there so they don’t die from cancer.#and don’t have a risk of cancer BUT THE CITY IS STILL IRRADIATED AS HELL AND THE PPL THAT ENTER CANNOT LEAVE#DUE TO THEM BECOMING SO RADIOACTIVE THEYRE A HAZARD TO BE CLOSE TO WITHOUT PPE#i just thought it was such a fun idea and me being me I overthink the shit outta things & made it super long and overcomplicated#because I wanted people to also learn what retroviruses & transposons were bc they’re cool as hell#and by the time I wrote 5K words on it#I didn’t want to take the shortcut and just embed other ppl’s videos explaining it bc I had already put too much effort into it#for me to delete that research#bones speaks#the cause? the city was built ontop a large kryptonite meteor.#and someone (cough cough LexCorp. but no one actually has enough legal proof to say it’s them)#and when it’s investigated. it appears that someone (cough cough LexCorp. there’s not any legal proof that can pin it on them.#so lexcorp once again escapes scott free without evidence of villany)#has been digging tunnels under the city and excavating it. the excavation not following proper mining protocols caused the city’s ground#and water supply to become extremely irradiated to the point where it’s like when ppl were just eating & drinking uranium products.#actually imma stop myself here & make this it’s own post#anyways. the radioactive bit gets figured out due to the poorly constructed tunnels collapsing and the city conducting an investigation#leading to a ‘oh shit. the Geiger counter is saying this sinkhole is Super radioactive.’#to ‘HOLY SHIT THATS THE ENTIRE TOWN’#to ‘wait fuck how are we still alive? to ‘a weirdly high percentage of folks in the town had metagenes so not a super significant amount#of ppl has died from abnormal lookin cancer.’ to ‘oh my god everyone that doesn’t have the meta gene here is slowly dying get them Out Now’#bones writes in the tags#anyways. that’s kinda the story#I’ll rewrite the tags into a proper post and see if I can revise it so my paper isn’t needed to make some plot points work#bc it’s a Far simpler explanation than the one I wrote in the doc so I’ll base it off of this version instead
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ben platt was so right when he said (to paraphrase) your heart can break so much that it breaks open and lets love in. that's 2023 to me baby.
#experienced Real grief and heartbreak for the first time in my life#lived alone for most of the year and really Grew Up because of it#lost the three people i was closest with and lost the person i became for them to love me (which is a good thing)#learned a lot about art and life and myself and what it means to Be Alive.#was this year objectively bad for me??? look at all my personal posts honey.#but i feel like i've Grown so much and i'm really proud of myself not Despite everything that happened but because of it#i'm not ashamed to have loved and made choices and to have been wrong about So Many Things!!! i am so young and always learning!!!#i feel like Myself for the first time in Years. and for the first time since i can remember i genuinely feel Fine.#a lot of things are bad and i have bad days (today was one of them) but!!! i am hopeful and i am Determined to survive and be happy.#i do not have to be great!!! i do not have to be good!!! i simply have to be and that is enough!!!#one thing i said this year that haunts me is when the person i was in love with told me i was being silly for having a panic attack#and i responded with 'why should i feel silly for experiencing true emotion?'. and that's just really guided me since i said it.#ANYWAYS. insane year for me. this time last year i was madly in love and denying So Much and this year i am Accepting and loving what i have#this has been the return of isaac's insane personal posts. which are happening So Much Less due to the healing but hey!! we ball!!#i love you friends who live in my phone <3 if you're still reading happy new year and may you find whatever you're searching for <3
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its missing old sasi aus/fics hours everyone
#the fanged!virgil aus#the winged!virgil aus too where he has to keep them a secret for fear of the other sides shunning him#duck out fics#lamp fics where one of them have a breakdown and the others endlessly support them#robot!logan fics#cat sides?? can we bring back all the sides becoming cats due to ridiculous and maybe stupid means for the laughs please??#that one lociet fic where janus takes lo to dance in secret every night#(i've mentioned that one before and i'll do it again. that fic singlehandedly made me a lociet shipper)#oh my god just. secret relationship fics in general. please i miss them#i want SECRET ROMANCE (perhaps of the forbidden kind) where they are happy and soft and happy to BE soft in private!!!#is this me maybe going back to analogical brainrot. mayhaps#fics where idioms become reality!! i havent seen one of those in a hot second!! where my literal idioms fics at!#the ones where virgil gets butterflies or roman gets hurt when his pride is wounded!!#or logan turns into a bird because thomas is being BIRDBRAINED!!#or patton turning into gold because thomas has a heart of gold!!#okay i made that last one up but its still a cool concept.#oh and those fics where virgil thought the others didnt want him so he tries to remove himself by OTHER means#and then it sparks a whole adventure where the others have to put themselves in dangerous situations in order to get him back#oh and also logun. have i mentioned logun. i want someone to give logan a gun again.#sasi would be SIGNIFICANTLY shorter if logan got a gun.
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The wedding is tomorrow.....i hope its not hot 😢
I have a long sleeve pullover with a white collar, and black dress pants, and black chunky boots. I overheat easily so i'm going to have a not so great time :)
VA ESTAR A 81 F....AAAAAAAAHHHHHH
#papuka rambles#its fine hopefully the church is cool inside#at the restaurant hopefully its cooler by the time we get there#god i still have to choose a hairstyle to show the hair lady#bc my parents wanted me to have my hair nice which is nice of them bc i only untangle my hair when i remember 😭#at least i was told i can dress however i want (bc they would have gotten the biggest headache and maybe a few yrs off their lifespan due to#stress. me being stubborn bc i got it from them. also i will be annoying about being told to#wear insert agab typical style of dressing up)#also they wouldnt have made me anyways so thats good 👍#got lucky about that (them not giving af i guess)
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