#ed teach whump

[notfromcold]

Make You Laugh

Eddie had never felt so wretched at the beginning of shoreleave. Normally feeling sick was confined to the last day as the crew suffered through their hangovers in an attempt to board the ship at least somewhat sober when the time came.

But Eddie hadn't had anything to drink. And he probably wouldn't get to. He'd have to pay the doctor and then shell out for a room in which to curl up for a few days and hopefully sleep it all off. That didn't leave anything for drink. It didn't leave much of anything for food either but one step at a time.

Fuck Hornigold and double fuck fucking Timothy (rest his soul).

Ed and Timothy had boarded the merchant ship together during the raid. The plan - the fucking plan - was that they'd fight together in the stern. But Timothy got ... excited or panicked or something and next thing Ed knew he was running up amidships slashing and hacking as he went. Which left Ed in the stern. By himself.

He'd done his best but his arm had gotten slashed all to hell. Which sucked but admittedly didn't hold a candle to what happened to Timothy when Hornigold found out he'd abandoned his post.

Ed hadn't fucking told. Timothy got himself caught up near the bow somehow and Ed heard the mate yelling "what are you doing up here?" and winced despite his frustration and the blood dripping down his arm.

Timothy was keelhauled later that night. And Ed was called forward by the mate and informed that he'd be holystoning the decks with sea water for losing control - shredded arm and all.

It hadn't been Ed's job to watch Timothy and he could tell the mate disagreed with the punishment. The mate didn't like when expectations weren't clear. But they were all just bobbing along in Hornigold's wake so the mate handed Ed the holystone and bucket and Ed holystoned the decks. His arm didn't like that.

His arm had not gotten better in the days that followed.

So now here he was on shoreleave, tired and sick and about to pay out all his share for a doctor and a bed to crawl into. Fuck.

"Eddie! Hey Eddie!" Jack popped out of a tavern door and ran up to Ed. "Wanna bet I can chug this whole gallon of milk?"

Eddie gave Jack a once over. He did, indeed, have a gallon of milk. "What do you have that for?" he asked.

"To chug. Nicked it when the barkeep's back was turned. Come on! Think I can chug it?"

"No," Ed said.

"Watch!" Jack winked, tipped his head back, and put the neck of the gallon to his lips. He started strong with at least five good swallows but he appeared to have forgotten he'd need to breathe at some point. His eyes began to take on a panicked look. At last he breathed in. But he forgot to take the bottle away from his lips so what he breathed in was milk.

Things got chaotic after that. Jack coughed and choked and wheezed and continued to pour a steady stream of milk down the front of his shirt.

Ed started laughing. He couldn't help it.

Then Jack started laughing, too. In between choking.

When Jack could speak again he rasped "Told you I could do it!"

That was it for Ed. "Fuck!" he gasped, laughing so hard tears ran down his cheeks. He kept trying to get himself under control then he'd look at Jack and start again.

Something was unfolding warm in his chest. That was the thing about a boy doing something stupid to make you laugh - it was stupid but it meant he wanted you to laugh.

"So where are you headed?" Jack asked once they'd finally laughed themselves out and Jack had wiped some of the milk out of his eyes.

Ed sighed. "Doctor. Fucked my arm up. Then inn, I guess. Need to sleep."

"Wanna go halvsies on a room?" Jack gave him an obviously calculating look.

"No, you'll be loud and invite the whole town over."

"Yeah, but you're fucked up enough to sleep through at least some of that. And I'll be gone during the day. Mostly. We can get a nicer room if we both chip in."

Ed thought about it. If he and Jack went in on a room together it would leave him enough coin to buy a square meal or two. And he'd have someone there if he got really sick. Jack was probably better than no one at all. Probably.

Ed would never tell but he was a little scared. At least someone would know if he died.

"Fuck it. Yeah. I'll go in on a room with you. Meet you at the inn?"

"Hell yeah!" Jack pumped the air. "Go do your doctor thing. I'll meet you at the inn."

[medievill]

good news, monsters: I updated "tell me something I don't know," and I made Ed cry a lot. you're welcome.

[babesapien]

Chapters: 2/5 Fandom: Our Flag Means Death (TV) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Blackbeard | Edward Teach/Stede Bonnet Characters: Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Stede Bonnet Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Head Injury, Temporary Amnesia, very temporary, Concussions, Unconsciousness, Caretaking, Survival, Cuddling & Snuggling, Graphic Depictions of Illness, Seizures, Nightmares, Lies, Blood and Injury, Delirium, one vague description of vomiting, one mention of izzy, No Beta Summary:

A True Account of the Daring Adventures of the Gentleman Pirate on the Occassion of his Accidental Marooning on a Deserted Island by a Fierce Storm in the Company of his Beloved Blackbeard- Greviously Injured by the Ordeal- and their Efforts to Survive there.

(Ed and Stede are stranded. Ed has a concussion.)

[greykolla-art]

If it isnt too stupid/already been done, Stede helping Ed recover (literally the scene in OFMD and reversed)

UNO REVERSES YOUR ANGST!

(I had to rest my hand for a bit and touch some grass, but IM BACK TO DRAWING YOUR SUGGESTIONS!😎)

This is my one of my favourite hurt/comfort trope with them! Thank you!

[letthewhumpbegin]

Our Flag Means Death s2e4

[blackbonnet-ruined-my-life]

Check out my latest fic! Huge thanks to my wonderful beta @stedebonnit without whom the fic wouldn’t have been possible.

It was inspired by some art by @feriowind and one of StedeBonnit’s posts so if you like it don’t forget to give them both love!

Warning: implied or referenced torture and captivity

Don’t forget to check out the artwork that inspired this fic!

[bisexu-el]

Chapters: 3/3 Fandom: Our Flag Means Death (TV) Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death Relationships: Blackbeard | Edward Teach/Stede Bonnet, Black Pete/Lucius Spriggs, Oluwande Boodhari & Jim Jimenez Characters: Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Stede Bonnet, Israel Hands, Lucius Spriggs, Oluwande Boodhari, Jim Jimenez, Buttons (Our Flag Means Death), The Swede (Our Flag Means Death), Wee John Feeney, Frenchie (Our Flag Means Death), Roach (Our Flag Means Death), Black Pete (Our Flag Means Death), Fang (Our Flag Means Death), Ivan (Our Flag Means Death) Additional Tags: Hurt No Comfort, Whump, Swordfighting, Gun Violence, Broken Promises, Promises, Established Relationship, Blackbeard | Edward Teach Loves Stede Bonnet, Stede Bonnet Loves Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Married Couple, Stede Bonnet Loves the Crew of the Revenge, Protective Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Injured Stede Bonnet, Hurt, Self-Sacrifice, Major Character Injury, Character Death, Death, Panic Attacks, Panic, Stede Bonnet Whump Summary:

Stede was already fully dressed whilst Ed was still flouncing around in nothing but his trousers. Stede found himself zoning out staring at him, ludicrously impressed and proud of himself for landing such a man.

“Do you mind? I’m a married man” Ed teased over his shoulder. As he bent to grab the shirt he discarded in a haste the night before.

“Hang on a sec, I’m enjoying the view” Stede teased warmly, he held onto Ed’s hips keeping the pair of them stood gazing at each other lovingly. The pair stood, just taking each other in, enjoying the quiet of the morning. Only for a moment.

“I could stay here all day, like this” Ed mused, a sweet smile on his face as he tucked an unruly blonde curl behind Stede’s ear.

“Me t-“

BOOM!

“What the fuck was that?” Ed was instantly on high alert.

“I dunno but you better pop your top on”

—

Or; Edward tries and fails to sacrifice himself for his husband.

[cufeilidh]

 Prologue

Their reunion. It was the moment Stede had been desperate for for weeks on end, and his heart was very much in his throat. But it wasn’t quite for any reason he’d envisioned at least a million times in just as many ways since his revelations with Mary that night she’d told him about love.

Stede loved Ed.

Stede was going to find Ed.

And there Ed was—

Being blown out of the water by the British navy.

The sea churned between Stede’s little commandeered ship and the Revenge, water and sky equal in their violence. Late in the day as it was, it felt even more preternaturally close to nightfall, dark closing in.

Salt-spray soaked Stede to the skin, chilled him to the bone, and he clung to the fore rail with a numb, white knuckled grip with one hand, the other clasped tight round his spyglass. If there was a day he understood the Greeks and their wine-dark sea, now, gazing out over the chaos below, was the one.

The Revenge was being fired upon by a man 'o war, a ship far out-classing them in guns. They hadn’t caught them broadside yet, which would spell disaster if the English wanted to take them down, but it was gaining. Stede could make out from here that there was something wrong with the main mast of the Revenge. Ed wouldn’t be able to flee.

“Get us over there!” Stede screamed to be heard over the wind as it whipped through the rigging, clapping the juddering sails. “He needs us!”

Thunder began to rumble, threatening to swallow up his words.

He was met with polarised silence from the crew. More than one pair of eyes stared at him hard, adversarial, mouths set in tight lines and jaws working as they clearly bumped elbows with mutinous thoughts. In the distance, there was another crack of sound. This time it wasn’t the gathering storm; it was more cannon fire.

With a cry of desperation—he didn’t have time for this now—Stede pried his fingers off the rail, violently collapsed the spyglass, shoving it into his pocket, and bolted, tripping and sliding on the slick deck to reach the dinghy at the port rail. He’d get over there himself if he had to swim.

“Oi, you lot!” Olu’s voice cut through the pounding waves and snapping ropes overhead. “Jim’s over there too, don’t you forget! And Frenchie and Lucius!”

The riotous glances flickered amongst themselves briefly. Black Pete was the first to move, closely followed by Wee John, then the rest.

“Right,” Olu yelled, catching Stede’s eye, “Get going!”

Stede sent him a grateful look, more grimace than smile, and Olu nodded. Stede was well aware he hadn’t acted for him then, and certainly not for Ed, but it didn’t matter; their ship began to close the distance between them and the Revenge.

Stede couldn’t blame the crew for their animosity towards Ed, but one way or another, he had to get onboard that ship. If it was with the crew’s help, all the better, no matter the reason.

He fingered the hilt of his sword and clung to the shrouds with a death grip, willing the ship to go faster.

The tempestuous clouds overhead flared with light, and thunder near deafened them instantaneously. As if in reply, there was another flash from the navy ship, and an echoing boom as the sound of the cannon reached them over the water. This one hit the Revenge squarely. Stede saw splintered wood fly high into the air. There were no screams, but would they carry as far?

The navy ship was closing on Ed rapidly from the side opposite Stede’s vessel. They’d reach him before Stede could. Stede fought down his stomach which roiled with the same vigor as the sea.

The crew were ready with grappling hooks, but the British were already there.

Now Stede could hear the screams.

Fifty yards, forty, thirty—at ten they started tossing their lines, catching their hooks in the Revenge’s rails and rigging. Their ship ground to a halt, jolting and cracking as its rails smashed against the larger Revenge.

Now it started to rain.

The deck was slick underfoot and Stede struggled for balance as he threw himself over the railings crushed together in front of him. He was on board the Revenge. Stede unsheathed his sword—where was Ed?

Stede spotted him on the other side of the ship, fighting off two navy men near the stern. Ed looked different. His beard was short, of course, it had only grown maybe an inch or so. But his face was partially blackened, smeared with kohl in a thick, badly smudged band over his eyes and all through his beard.

And Ed’s eyes, when they found Stede’s then, darkened more than any cosmetic could contrive, a flurry of emotions flashing over his expressive face, too quick to get a handle on.

It bit Stede to the quick.

“You!” Ed bared his teeth at him, face contorting, sending an opponent’s sword flying in a sudden surge of violence to point his own sword tip in Stede’s direction. Stede couldn't hear him, had read his lips, but the poison in his stare hit like a physical blow.

Ed was forced back to fighting, and Stede shouldered his way past a navy officer trying to engage him, eye’s only for Ed.

He would reach him, he would get to his side if it killed him; even though it looked like it just might.

Stede had to fight past another navy man, impatiently shoving him away. He suddenly bumped into a familiar face; Frenchie gaped at him for a moment as he passed, with a surprised, “Captain!” Stede acknowledged him only briefly, hastening on to reach Ed.

When he got there, it was with the arrival of an additional navy officer. Ed was fighting off two swords again. Through the darting steel Ed met his eyes for an instant, and they flashed dangerously, sparks before an explosion. Stede had never witnessed this side of Ed; of Blackbeard. Certainly, never turned on himself.

It was terrifying to behold. And he knew—justified.

They didn’t have time to bandy words. Stede turned his back to Ed, taking on one of his opponents. If Ed chose to stab him in the meantime, so be it.

Just as Stede shook off one opponent, another would appear. They were sorely outnumbered. A glance amidships told him most of his crew were already being rounded up, most weaponless in surrender. It was a fight they were going to lose, but if Ed was going to fight it, then so would he.

Stede watched as Ed whipped around to deal with a man coming up behind him. The fight had pulled Stede a pace away, and he wasn’t there at his back as he had been. Another was coming; he had a saber brandished. It was aimed to slash at Ed’s exposed back. Ed wouldn’t see it in time; he was on the defence. Stede leapt to his aid.

He was closer to Ed than to the man wielding the saber, so he flung himself bodily into Ed, forcing him out of the path of the blade. It barely missed Stede as it sang past his head, taking a bit of a blond curl with it.

Both Ed and the saber man cursed, but it wasn’t Ed who swung out an arm as Stede fought to rebalance himself. Changing targets, and too close for a swing with the blade, the fist holding the saber connected solidly with the side of Stede’s face.

There was a flash as his vision blazed white, then cooled to a muzzy grey at the edges he couldn’t seem to shake off, messing with his equilibrium. Stede felt himself colliding with the stern deck. The strong arm opposite that which had hit him was on him in an instant, snatching up a fistful of shirtfront.

He was having trouble focusing. He jerked his head, trying to clear it, and was forced back to a field of white, Eyes scrunched shut, pain flaring in his skull, radiating from the point near his temple where he’d been hit. The fist at his shirt began lifting until Stede couldn’t feel the deck under his feet any longer.

Dropping his sword, Stede brought both hands up, clawing desperately at the hand to loosen its grip, but just as suddenly as it had been there, it was gone, and Stede felt himself shoved straight over the railing.

Air, far too much of it, rushed past his ears, and he hit the cold, turbid waters below, his splash just one more lost amid the storm.

~~~~~

“FUCK!”

Stede disappeared over the railing without a sound.

Ed’s fury on seeing him, riding atop the wave of his other searing emotions, had been such that he’d been close to stabbing him on sight only moments ago, so great was his pain at seeing him again. Now the image of his dazed face, contorted in pain as he dropped, was superimposed over everything else.

As soon as he’d gone over, panic took hold, adrenaline spiked.

Ed shoved his blade to the hilt into the side of the man who had possibly just killed Stede. Flesh parted and steel grated over bone. He abandoned the weapon there, tripping over the prone man to reach the railing.

Snatching up a line, hoping it would be long enough, Ed scrambled to the top of the rail.

He thought he saw Stede, the white of his shirt, already being dragged out to sea. Tensing to jump, he heard a loud bang, felt something punch hard into his back, the pain only registering white hot a moment later when he realised he’d been shot.

He dropped the rope, couldn’t hold onto it, his hand suddenly rendered weak; it slithered out of reach. Stede was drifting further away.

He leapt.

[somniadelapsis]

That’s how real pirates do it

It’s placed somwhere when everything was still good. Stede want’s to see how to loot a ship. Ed inludges him. It does not turn out well for everyone. 

I have no idea how real pirates loot a ship if anyone wondered.

Stede was curious what looting a ship looks like performed by ‘real pirates’. And of course Edward was more than ready to demonstrate. But he promised to keep it less violent. Ugh. Izzy had no idea how Edward was supposed to do that. Knocking a man out was much harder than killing him. Especially if said man was trying to kill you.

It was just their luck that not two days later they encountered a ship worth looting. Edward assigned Izzy to lead the crew to the displeasure of everyone involved. Izzy did not trust them to act out his orders at all. And they needed to do that quickly and without question. Which again he didn’t see happening. Someone was going to get hurt and he hoped it would not be him.

He argued a good while with Stede if they should put up a fake flag. The twat was against it and honestly Izzy didn’t even listen to his arguments. Their quarrel was cut short when Mr. Buttons claimed his bird used it to build a nest. The first mate had to use all of the willpower he had to not strangle him. It was decided they would approach with no flag. It would be suspicious but less so than their array of pirate flags. They were weird enough to not pass as... well pirate flags. But still white markings on black would make the other ship more wary.

They sailed closer. Izzy was expecting a warning shot anytime now. A warning shot from a cannon. So when he was showered in wood shards he did not register at first that he was being shot at. He did register it when something hit his left shoulder. He stumbled back against the railing. Then he leaped for cover. Just in time. The railing was rather holey where he stood not a moment ago.

“Take cover, maroons!” he shouted. There was some scrambling on deck. And also some more shots. No one cried out or shouted so everyone should be fine. Well, beside him. He looked at his wound. There was no exit wound. This will be problematic later. He wasn’t happy with the prospect of someone fishing out a bullet out of him. Also he tried not to think about where the bullet would have landed had he not flinched away from the previous shot. He needed to focus on practical matters first. He fished out a knife and started to cut his shirt.

“Anyone got shot?!” Ed shouted. Good. He was taking over the situation so Izzy wouldn’t have to lead anymore. A chorus of no’s answered his call. And damn did some of them sound scared. Come on! They weren’t the ones who actually got shot.

“Iz?” Oh yeah, he hadn’t answered, had he? If he said the truth Edward would probably try to get to him and check out how he’s doing. To do that he would have to cross the very uncovered deck. But if he lied Ed could ask out of him something he wasn’t capable of. Which could also be a problem. What tipped the scales was Stede. He was definitely next to Ed and as much as Izzy hated it he would stop him from doing anything stupid.

“Yeah.” He answered finally. Edward cursed. He knew him enough to know which question he answered.

“Ed!” Came Stede’s alarmed voice and also some shuffling. And damn, maybe he wasn’t as good at stopping Edward as he thought. Does he have to do everything himself on this ship?

“Stay” the shuffling stopped “where the fuck you are, Edward.” It was surreal to command his captain but here he just did it. Also he should be wrapping his wound instead of worrying about Edward. He shoved his cut sleeve into the wound. Pain lit up both his shoulder and the left side of his ribcage. He grunted involuntarily.

“How bad?” Ed asked.

Izzy considered it as he tried to catch his breath. He loosened his cravat and took it off, hid the ring in his pocket.“Should be fine until we finish.”

“We’re finishing it now.” Stede decided. The crew murmured in agreement.  

“What!? No, I’m not letting the man who fucking shot me get away without  a fucking payback!” Izzy bristled.

“Izzy, you can’t be serious!?”

“I’m dead fucking serious!”

A cannonball landed somewhere close. The water splashed some of the crew and they gasped in distress.

“Well, it was Stede’s idea, so if he doesn’t want to do it anymore...” Ed said.

Aw, yeah, it was Stede’s fault he got shot.

“Edward!” Izzy objected.

“It’s a command.” And that’s all it took to convince him to back down.

“Yes, captain.” Izzy gritted out.

“Good, now stay where you are until we get to safety.”

“Yes.”

Then after a careful mix of Edward’s sailing skills and shooting at the other ship at the right moments they got out of their shooting range. As soon as that happened Ed and Stede got to Izzy. The first mate sat with his back against a crate. His face contorted into a sneer. He glared at both of them and the sun looked more blinding than usual. The world was a bit off around him. His mouth was perched. His skin felt clammy. He definitely was feeling the effects of how much blood he lost.

Edward reached out a hand. “Come on, Iz.” He considered not taking it. He was confident he could get up on his own but staying upright would be tricky. He let Edward haul him up. The deck swayed under his feet for a moment but soon it stopped.

“Mr. Roach?” Stede called. The surgeon manifested next to him. At least it looked like that to Izzy. He needed to sit down sooner than later. They ended up in the kitchen. Where else would they be keeping the medical supplies?

Roach unwrapped his makeshift bandage and got to cleaning the wound. Izzy hissed and grunted even if he tried to be quiet. Rum had been handed to him at some point. He had drank from the bottle absentmindedly. Then the time to remove the bullet came. Izzy drunk the rest of the bottle, put a strip of leather between his teeth. His heart pounded. He knew it would hurt. Much more than getting shot did. Edward and Fang held him down. He tensed. White hot agony swallowed his senses. Then something fucking wiggled in his wound intensifying the pain. He vaguely realized he had been shouting and also trashing. Or trying to as his crewmates’ grip was keeping him mostly in place. When a especially sensitive place was touched his world had gone dark. He still could hear Roach say “Come on, get out, you little bugger.” And then nothing.

[claracivry]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Our Flag Means Death (TV) Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Blackbeard | Edward Teach/Stede Bonnet, Blackbeard | Edward Teach & Stede Bonnet Characters: Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Stede Bonnet, Lucius Spriggs Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Whump, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Hurt Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Snakes, Major Character Injury Summary:

AU for 1x07

What if the snake that fell on Ed actually bit him? And it was a very venomous snake?

Ed whump :) worried Stede :) gratuitous Lucius :)

[notfromcold]

OFMD Fic: Worse Things Happen at Sea Chapter 4

This chapter has everything! Whump! Huddling for warmth! Fraught rowboat conversations! John Donne! Dirty jokes! Whump!

Read on ao3 here

[fairfowl]

As promised! Izzy-centric fic recs!

These are all gonna be pre S2 (and all Steddyhands because I was obsessed for like a year)

@crabgrave

Starting off strong with

1) Battle of the Boyfriends

This fic makes you laugh before it makes you cry. A steddyhands centric dramady mostly from Izzy's point of view, and I love this Izzy very much.

Isn't he precious? They absolutely hurt his feelings

2) Doldrums

This one is a two part series that starts with Izzy leaving the Revenge as Stede and Ed reunite post S1. He recruits Calico Jack and becomes captain of his own ship while he and Jack have a lot of sex (I actually enjoy Jack in this one lol) Ed and Izzy eventually partially work things out

The second part involves Izzy back on the ship in the beginning stages of steddyhands

I think the real strength of this series is Izzy's interactions with everyone, but especially Stede and Oluwande

3) The Nook is for Talking Shit

This is a Calico Jack hate!fic and I'm here for it. Also steddyhands because I've got a problem

In this fic Stede and Izzy bond offer a mutual enemy, and Izzy teaches Stede how to craft the perfect insult

I like that they laugh together, and I really like it when Stede stands up for Izzy ♡ (I also like that Izzy has a very good reason to hate Jack that involves him having been injured very badly)

4) Navigating By the Light of Your Stars

A delicious sandwich of a trilogy where the bread is BlackHands and Stizzy relationship studies, and the meat is steddyhands smut.

Featuring: GrayAce!Izzy, whump, Stede’s introduction to BDSM, and discussions of mortality ♡

5) A Pirate Triptych

Another steddyhands trilogy!

This is one I've seen on many recommendation lists and it is worth it. These men and their guilt I swear ♡

Post S1 Izzy schemes to get Stede back into Ed's good graces at his own expense.

If you like Izzy whump this is the fic for you

6) More Vivid than Sunsets, Brighter than Stars

On a shorter and sweeter note this little steddyhands bdsm fic explores Izzy running his mouth and Stede and Ed going a little too far in order to punish him. Everyone gets their feelings hurt ♡

Everyone is characterized well here but Ed is kind of the star of the show, he has to mediate this incident and he's hilarious

7) House of Mirrors

This one is pure Izzy whump with steddyhands caretaking. Izzy is sick, Ed spirals, Stede is Exhausted (tm)

I reread this one often

anyway I think this is what I have for now, I might post another list at some point because there are a couple of longfics that are very near and dear to my heart, plus S2 is not gonna stop me from reading new fic. I look forward to seeing more amputee!Izzy

[theshippirate22]

I have a theory

listen up bitches (gender neutral) (affectionate) i’ve been cooking this for an incredibly long time and i’m very very excited to share it but it is gonna be long so i’m putting it under a cut

my theory is that there has been a new set of archetypes created by popular m/m media either in canon or coding and i would love if it was more widely recognized by a distinct name so here we go:

I present to you: The Mirrorball x Running Up That Hill Boyfriends™️ Theory

i need to preface this by saying that i am absolutely not an english major or expert but i have done so much analysis that i’m 98% positive i’m on to something here

so usually mlm ships- at least in my experience- get boiled down into typical Grumpy x Sunshine, Golden Retriever x Black Cat, or like. Babygirl x Badass. and i hate that because those are like really watered down hetero romance stereotypes and i think queer people deserve to get our own archetypes instead of trying to force queer characters into prepaid boxes but that’s a story for another day so:

basically, all content with widely accepted mlm ships (even if they are more in coding than in canon) has this pattern with the ship that fits into Mirrorball x Running Up That Hill

(name pending- open to suggestions)

Boyfriend No.1 of course is the epitome of Mirrorball by Taylor Swift (i know, i know. bear with me here). He’s constantly trying to prove himself and his worth and usually he’s driven to hide or overcome 1-3 specific and intense insecurities/character flaws. He often has innate loyalty to a system or person who has repeatedly abused/neglected/abandoned him and thinks that this treatment is a result of his own character rather than a reflection of the abuser. In relation to the plot and audience, this is the “more dangerous” of the two because he’s so desperate to hold onto the status quo that he’ll often act in a way that makes things more difficult for himself, often by leaving Boyfriend No. 2, sacrificing himself, or doing “the wrong thing.” He also commonly has an older male figure that is breathing down his neck constantly, haunting his perceived inadequacies, and fueling his self-loathing. He’s constantly mischaracterized because he’s either boiled down to “the silly one” or a visage of his trauma and the people that relate to love these characters are usually extremely sad people. Usually this character is also the “mean girl” of the couple.

Examples of the Mirrorball boyfriend: Dean Winchester, Aziraphale, Stede Bonnet, Lucius Spriggs, Sherlock Holmes, Eddie Munson, Mike Wheeler, Prince Rupert, etc.

Boyfriend No. 2 then, is the Running Up That Hill Boyfriend, based of course, on the song by the same name by the perfect Kate Bush. He’s the one that’s seen The Horrors™️ and gained a layer of cynicism that Mirrorball doesn’t have. He was once loyal to something that used/hurt him but he rejected it and used his newfound freedom to restructure his entire personality and reach his much higher potential. Usually, he has passed so far from having a few insecurities to perceiving himself as utterly worthless and unlovable but he’s so convinced that it doesn’t even haunt him, he just goes with it and usually comes off looking overly-confident or cocky. This is The Bitch (affectionate)™️. There’s probably a scene of him covered in blood. This is The Girls’ favorite blorbo and ultimate whump. He tends to be really good with kids and he’s the kind of character that would and often has to CLAW a life out for himself by his fingernails.

Examples of the Running Up That Hill Boyfriend: Castiel, Crowley, Ed Teach, Black Pete, John Watson, Steve Harrington, Will Byers, Prince Amir, etc.

unfortunately i haven’t seen a lot of popular queer stuff so if you can think of other mlm or mlm shaped characters that fit into these archetypes please please please tell me

i’m specifically curious about:

-Hannigram (Hannibal)

-Buddy (911) (@criminally-obsessed if you would mind weighing in but obviously no pressure)

-Lokius (Loki) (@henderdads same thing)

-Any of the marauders but specifically WolfStar

-Stucky (MCU)

-RWRB (i’m so sorry i don’t remember the guys’ names)

-Nick and Charlie (Heartstopper)

-What We Do In the Shadows has one I think?

-literally anyone else please and thank you 🙏🙏 love you all

if you want like explicit examples of each piece for a character lmk for sure because i could talk about this all day long

[greykolla-art]

@camillescreations here you go sweetie! 😘

Gather around my fellow angst-goblins!

I don’t draw enough of Stede being hurt, this was fun! 🤗

[letthewhumpbegin]

Our Flag Means Death, s2e8

[underwhelmingalchemist]

Hey, you!

Do you like my fics?

Do you want one?

Well if you donate to an organization or individual in Palestine, I'll write you one!

If you donate to:

-A crowdfunding campaign for an individual or individuals in Gaza (i.e. gofundme)

-An organization providing relief for Palestine (i.e. the Palestine Children's Relief Fund)

-eSims for Gaza

And dm me a screenshot of your receipt, I will write you a fic, the length of which will depend on the donated amount (see below)

The fandoms I will write for include the MCU, Good Omens, Supernatural, and OFMD. I will write smut (you must be 18+ to request this), angst, fluff, whump- any genre you want (although I will likely draw the line on incredibly dark themes based on my own personal comfort). Want a fluffy fic of Cas and trans Dean that involves a coffee shop meet cute? Sure thing. Tony and Bucky having weird sex in the workshop? I can do that too. Crowley meeting Ed Teach in Spanish Jackie's and commiserating over their situationships? I've got you.

There is no minimum donation (as long as the donation is made in good faith, not just three cents to get a fic) and will be 1k words for any donation under $10, and then 1k words more for every $10 after that.

Want to make sure a fandom, ship, theme, or dynamic is something I'll write? DM me or send me an ask (anon is on) with the details and I'll let you know if that's something I can do!

If you were looking for a push to donate, this is it.

Once again, my asks and DMs are open, so feel free to ask any questions!

Reblogs of this post are encouraged