#eddie pointing at buck like buck just voiced a great idea

[bellabrady]

sometimes i just think about how when they were helping maddie move and the sofa wouldn't fit through the door, buck and eddie's first ideas were 'pop the hinges off the door' and 'use the jaws of life' instead of 'put the pizza somewhere else so we can simply turn the sofa around.' they really are two halves of the same idiot

[bibuckkinard]

Reprieve

Hi again, it's me, I'm the problem, it's me. I really didn't intend to write anything tonight, but I have too many words in my head. This is another fic, this time super short and sweet, for @bucktommypositivityweek round two, day 4: supportive boyfriends. I hope you guys like it!

bucktommy - Words: 554 - Rating: T - Complete

Tommy thinks Evan looks hot like this, sweaty, hands taped and punching the pads Tommy's got attached to his hands as Evan hits right, left, right, left and rants. Too bad this rant is about a man who made Tommy's days at the 118 his most miserable days in the closet. "I don't know how much more I can handle," Evan pants out with one more hit before putting his hands on his hips and folding in on himself at the waist. “What was it today?” Tommy asks, not sure if he wants to know. Evan is silent for a moment then he stands to his full height and says, “He asked me if faeries like to fly on the top or the bottom.” Tommy thinks about that one. He knows what Gerrard is going for but- “That doesn’t even make sense.” Evan throws his hands up in frustration. “I know! Like, if you’re going to be homophobic, at least make it good!” “He’s probably running out of ideas at this point.” Evan blows out a breath. “I know you said you wanted to avoid telling me what to do here, but I’m going crazy.” Tommy moves forward to wrap his arms around Evan’s waist, pulling him in. Evan wraps his arms around him in turn and practically sags against Tommy, so much so that Tommy’s more or less holding him up. “I have avoided giving you advice about this because I’m just not sure I’m the right person to do it,” Tommy admits. “I dealt with him by staying closeted and being an asshole.” “You did that to survive,” Evan points out, not for the first time. “I know but I still don’t feel great about it.” “I know,” Evan says. “If you could do it differently, what would you do?” “What you’re already doing,” Tommy says instantly, then motions to Evan’s curly hair, which he stopped using straighteners on three days after Gerrard started. They’re adorable and currently ruffled from the practice but Tommy freaking loves running his fingers through them at any given time. “He hates those right?” Evan grins. “Oh yeah. But it’s still within regulations so he can’t do anything about it. So what, keep changing my appearance? Should I grow a mustache like Eddie?” They both say, at the same time, “Nah.” Tommy laughs a little. “No. I am saying you could just annoy the shit out of him. You could go at him with a clipboard? Find all the regulations he’s missed because there have to be like a hundred by now.” “He’s a hypocrite,” Evan says and Tommy shrugs, because yeah. Gerrard always picked and chose what to follow and what to ignore based on what suited him. “But yeah, that’s an idea. Weaponize my powers for evil. Excellent. Thank you. I know you haven’t wanted to tell me what to do about this, but you’ve been a godsend for just, like, keeping me from killing him.” “Can’t hold you like this if you’re in prison,” Tommy points out, hearing the fondness in his own voice. “True.” Tommy smiles and kisses his cheek. “Do you want to keep going? We haven’t eaten anything for dinner yet.” Evan gives him a squeeze. “Make out in the shower first?” Evan, naked and wet in the shower? “You’re on.”

tag list: @desert--moonchild, @sazzynatural, @multishippinghussy, @mmso-notlikethat, @tommy-kinard-buckley,

@sunnywithachanceofbi, @sleepywinchesters, @buck-up-buckley, @manifestingchaoticvibes, @corvid-cryptidd

@lbltpsmspenguin, @theotherbuckley

[spidermans-l-o-v-e-r]

Finish Line

Pairing: Eddie Diaz x Buck x Reader

Word Count: 4.8k

Notes: Hmmm….. this is a good one🤣🤣 obviously this is not true bdsm care please don’t think it is. But like I really cracked my knuckles with this one like?!! Good work me

“I’m just saying, Age of Extinction was total ass,” You say as you unlock the door to the loft and push it with your shoulder 

“No literally! We wasted so much-“ 

You and Eddie stop at the front door, Buck is on the couch, his head tilted to the side, his face twisted in confusion as he stares at the TV. You do a double take as you’re sure you can clearly hear someone being absolutely railed

With the loudest, fakest, moans any of you have heard 

Eddie pushes you the rest of the way in and practically slams the door shut behind you 

“Dude?! What are you doing?!” 

You set the grocery bags on the counter and come running over to Buck on the couch, a giggling mess. 

“Whaaaat is going on??” 

“I didn’t mean to pay for this I fucking swear but I did on accident and I was like fuck okay I’ll watch it I paid for it and how the fuck is she doing that?!” He points to the woman on the screen and your mouth drops open. Eddie walks over and covers your eyes 

“Buck!! Not in front of the children!” 

You slap his hands away from your face and roll your eyes 

“I do that pose in yoga anyway” You mutter as you turn to walk away but you’re stopped in your tracks by Eddie putting his arm around your waist and Buck pausing the movie 

“I’m sorry, you do what now?” 

“I’ve been doing yoga for years” You shrug “That’s called “King Pigeon” I’m pretty sure” 

You look it up as Buck hits play and one man absolutely rails her as she sucks off the other guy beneath her 

“Yeah see” You show them and they nod slowly 

“And you- you can do that?” Buck's voice is a little squeaky 

“I mean yeah, it took a long time to be able to do it though!” 

“Can-“ Eddie crosses one arm over his torso and bites his knuckles “Can we see it?” 

“Sure!” You unbutton your jean shorts and kick them to the side before removing your top 

“Can’t do it in those pants and you know I just thought I’d give you a thrill with my shirt off” you wink as you walk over to the side of the entertainment center and grab your yoga mat. Buck pauses the video again and they both focus on you intently as you roll out your mat and do a few stretches 

“Alright, one King Pigeon coming up.” You get on your knees and carefully start to bend backward, stretching properly as you get into position. You wiggle your toes as you grab your heels 

“Tada!!!” 

You hear the shutter of the camera and snort, staying completely still 

“You got your pictures?” 

“I’m going to draw clothes on you,” Buck says “But holy shit Y/N” 

“I can see why he wanted her in that position” Eddie mumbles and you hum softly, your interest peaked 

“I heard that Diaz,” you say as you slowly come out of the position, placing your palms flat on the floor as you let the blood in your head go back to where it’s supposed to 

“Are we gonna try that position? I feel like we’re gonna try it” Buck says as they both stand over you. You look up, biting your lip and smirking 

“Hi” you giggle dumbly and put the tip of your finger in your mouth 

“Jesus Christ” Eddie laughs as he walks away “You’re ridiculous”

Buck shakes his head, crossing his arms over his chest “I’m horny as fuck and we’re getting nowhere… I think she’s got a great idea here”

Eddie looks at them as he starts putting the groceries away “You always think she’s got a point when she’s on her knees” 

You crawl closer to Buck, sliding your hands over his thighs “I’ve got an idea” 

Buck looks down at you dreamily “Anything you want Princess” 

“I told you not to indulge her” Eddie’s voice comes from the bottom cabinet 

“What if we had a little race?” 

Buck stops for a second, and so does Eddie. He places his hands on the counter in front of him 

“Go on”

“First one to cum wins,” You say, getting up and going to the couch, you drape yourself over it, putting one leg over the back and one foot on the floor, your body on display 

Eddie comes over, cracking a beer and handing one to Buck 

“You know what I think is a better idea?” He unbuckles his belt with one hand and steps in front of you, nodding at you to help pull his pants down. You lick your lips and do as he says while Buck takes a long swig 

“I think whoever cums first loses… the consequences? Well. I think I’ll keep those to myself for now” He cups your chin in his hand, tilting it upward 

“That sound good to you?” 

Buck comes over and takes your hand, putting it on his belt and you hurriedly undo it, pushing them down over his hips 

“O-okay” 

Eddie takes the remote and switches over to your guys' favorite video, the one none of you ever make it to the end of. He hooks his thumbs in his boxers, pulling them down slowly, letting his cock spring out. Your mouth is already watering 

“So we all go until one of us loses?” Buck does the same, tossing his boxers to the side 

“Mhm” you nod slowly, dreaming of just getting your hands on them 

Eddie goes to grab lube from upstairs and Buck plops on the couch next to you, reaching over and stroking your thighs 

“So like when you lose, I promise I’ll go easy on you” 

Your mouth drops open and you slap his hand away “When you lose I promise to give you back your soul once I’m done sucking it out!” 

Eddie hands you each a bottle and smirks “When you both lose I promise I won’t laugh” 

He sits down in the chair and gets comfy, putting his feet up on the coffee table and hitting play on the movie. 

It’s easy at first, keeping your hands off. Buck is the first to break, pouring the lube into his hand and sighing as he grabs his cock, stroking slowly. You giggle and he glares at you, reaching over and smacking your clit. You gasp loudly, snapping your legs shut and bat at his arm 

“Eddie!! He’s cheating!!!” 

Buck snickers and rolls his eyes “You’re such a fucking baby” 

“Your mom’s a fucking baby” You stick your tongue out at him and he’s on you faster than you can blink. He kisses you hard, sinking you further into the couch, and grinds down on you roughly, his cock slipping easily through your folds. You hold him to you for a minute, your eyes rolling back in your head before Eddie clears his throat. You snap back to reality and shove Buck away 

“Eddie!!” You shriek and he lets his head fall back against the chair as he bursts out laughing 

“Buck that’s totally not fair”

“In theory- hear me out-“ He puts his hands up, pointing at Eddie “I was grinding on her thus also cheating myself” 

Your mouth falls open as Eddie shrugs at you “He’s right” 

“You guys suck!!” You huff as you turn on your side and start pouting 

“I mean we could if you wanted” Buck wriggles his eyebrows and you kick his leg. 

It’s another half hour before any of you say anything, and the video is starting to get to your favorite part. You gulp, shifting a little and both Buck and Eddie look over at you for a second 

Your hand snakes between your legs and suddenly it’s all both men can look at. Their prized possession, because they both owned you. Mind, body, and soul. Eddie gives Buck a nod and they both let go of their cocks, you’re too busy watching the screen to notice, your fingers working your clit slowly. 

It’s your favorite part, when the first guy lays on top of the woman, making out with her before sliding his cock in, he pumps a few times as she moans, the wet sounds of their bodies slapping together. The other guy comes over, rubbing the first guy's ass before sinking his cock inside him. The harder he thrusts into him, the harder the middle guy thrusts into the woman on the bottom. It’s got you practically drooling as they go at it, his hips jackhammering in and out as she screams below them. The top guy pulls out and you’re moaning in time with her as she’s rolled onto the middle guy's chest and he stuffs his cock in her ass now. Your fingers speed up as she’s double penetrated, her eyes shutting as she holds onto the man on top of her, clawing at his back as he plows into her. It drives you crazy when Buck and Eddie fill you like that, stretching you so much you can’t walk the entire next day and they have to carry you 

You don’t notice Eddie coming over to sit on the armrest and glaring at you with a predatory gaze. Your leg opens up, your soaked pussy on display for them as you touch yourself, whimpering as you get closer. You slide your fingers through your folds before slipping them into your tight hole, feeling it grip them as you stroke that little spongy spot that makes your toes curl 

Buck looks up at Eddie and Eddie looks over at the video, they both know what’s about to happen next and exactly what’s about to happen to you. Buck moves a little, facing you now and crouching down a bit, like a tiger about to pounce on its prey 

Because that’s all they ever saw you as most of the time. Prey. 

The woman on the screen screams out as she’s cream-pied in both holes by the men at the same time and Buck pounces, ripping your hand away and shoving you flat on your back. Eddie stands over you while Buck’s mouth attaches to your clit, sucking as his fingers plunge in and out of you. Your back arches off the couch as you scream, grinding against Buck’s mouth as he drinks your sweet nectar. Groaning loudly while you cum over his tongue 

Your entire body feels like jello as he sets you back down and reaches for Eddie. Eddie gets down on his knees and Buck grabs his chin, spitting in his mouth before kissing him, passing your juices back and forth in a messy kiss

You stare at them, dazed and incredibly satisfied. Not really caring much that you came first 

Until you remember.

You don’t know the consequences of losing. 

Your heart starts pounding harder for an entirely different reason as you shakily get up 

“I-I have to go pee,” You say and Eddie pulls away long enough to give you a look 

“Hurry up” 

It’s short and demanding as he goes back to kissing Buck, who’s grinding their cocks together. 

You take a little more time than necessary, splashing cool water over your face and just trying to get your anxiety to calm down, because what the hell is Eddie about to do, and what is Buck one hundred percent gonna go along with?

You walk out of the bathroom and the boys are gone, you gulp as you look around. You’re just turning around from the kitchen when you look up, Eddie is standing at the top of the stairs. He gives you a little come here motion and you make your way to the bottom of the stairs 

“Hi” you wave shyly and he looks down at you, crossing his arms over his chest 

“Hello little one” He purrs and you know that voice and that name and god are you fucked. Buck appears next to him, biting his lip

“C’mere Bunny. We just wanna play” 

You walk up the stairs slowly, your legs are jelly, your heart is basically in your ass, and you’re starting to sweat. 

A nice Eddie is a dangerous Eddie. 

A wolf Buck is a dangerous Buck. 

“Sir” and “Daddy” let you walk past, eyeing you hungrily as you stare at the bed. The cuffs are hanging there, pink and fluffy, and there’s an assortment of toys at the end of the bed 

“Lie down” Eddie instructs and you do as you're told, putting your arms up and looking at Buck as he fastens them. You give him the sweetest, cutest, wettest, eyes you can muster

“Daddy?” You whimper and Buck nearly caves right there before anything is even started 

“Don’t you dare! She came up with the game herself!” Eddie yanks Buck away and he tumbles onto the mattress whining 

“Why do you have to play so dirty bunny?!” 

Eddie finishes tying you down, including carefully tying your legs together which is definitely new 

“Is this comfortable?” he asks as he finishes the knot and you nod 

“Yes sir… why-“

“That’s the surprise” He interrupts you as Buck messes with some stuff on the bed that you can’t see 

“I know this is also a new position, so if you’re that nervous I’d be glad to tell you what we’re about to do. But only if you feel you need to know, I want you to be honest with me”

You sigh, taking a minute to consider your options, you’re not sure why your thighs are tied together if it’s not really bothering you in that way. So you shrug and give him a little thumbs-up 

“I’m okay. I can wait” 

“Good, Now remember your safe word?”

Buck comes over to sit on the other side of the bed and you look at him, batting your eyelashes. He rolls his eyes and smirks as he strokes your side 

“He asked you a question”

You look at Eddie who’s got a little glare on his face and smile sheepishly 

“Hugh Jackman” You snort and Buck giggles because he absolutely came up with that and Eddie rolls his eyes 

“You two are ridiculous. Are you ready?” 

Buck holds up a small pink toy, waving it at you and you look at it suspiciously

“Yes Sir” 

He nods over at Buck who smiles cruelly, you hear the toy click on, vibrating in his hand as Eddie comes over and kneels on the bed, he taps your lips with his cock, still hard and flushed red from earlier. 

“Open up pretty girl” 

You eagerly open your mouth moaning around his cock as he moves his hips slowly in and out of your mouth.

“Jesus you feel good” He groans as you suck his cock, your tongue dragging over the thick vein running through it. You’re so distracted by Eddie that you don’t realize Buck's hands feeling your thighs, not until you feel that weird toy he had suddenly sucking at your clit. 

You writhe beneath Eddie suddenly shaking your head and he slaps your cheek. Your eyes widen as you stop squirming and he holds your face 

“Concentrate on the important things Y/N” 

He leans over you, forcing his cock further down your throat and you choke for a minute, your hips coming off the bed as Buck turns the toy up and Eddie smacks your cheek again, giving you light taps so you’ll look at him 

“Hey, hey, hey breathe. Focus on breathing. And remember, bite if you seriously need me to stop” You nod at him, giving him two thumbs up and he goes right back to fucking your face, his hips thrusting faster as he moans. 

“Fuck I love when she sounds like that,” Buck says as he turns the vibrator up again, and your body jolts 

“You want a turn?” Eddie turns to him and he shrugs, getting up 

“Yeah why not” 

They switch places, Eddie pulls away from you, laughing at your blissed-out face and the string of drool as he slaps your tits with his cock. 

“Be careful with her, you know how excited you get” 

“She can take it” Buck doesn’t waste time, immediately pushing his cock past your lips and leaning forward as he fully stuffs his cock down your throat 

“Jesus fuckin-“ he holds it there for a minute because he really doesn’t want to cum that fast. But he loves choking you on his cock and he’s knows it’s hopeless. He shifts himself, straddling your shoulders and Eddie shakes his head 

“You’re gonna cum” 

“You think I care?” He looks down at your pretty face, your makeup running, your mouth stretching to accommodate his size, your glazed-over eyes. He smirks as he pinches your nose shut and you shake your head back and forth, he moans hopelessly as fucks your face harder. He holds the sides of your head, his eyes shutting as he listens to the wet choking noises 

“You gonna swallow it for me bunny? Gonna swallow every last drop?” his voice is breathy and heavy with lust as he growls, shooting his load down your throat, he lets go of your nose and you gasp in air as he pulls away, spilling his cum all over your face. He flops back on the bed and you tug at the restraints, your body completely overwhelmed 

“I-I’m I’m gonna-“ 

Suddenly the suction toy is taken away and your mouth drops wide open, you buck your hips uselessly, trying to follow Eddie’s hand as he sets the toy down, but he just pushes your hips back onto the bed 

You nearly cry as he adjusts the ropes on your thighs and smacks your throbbing pussy 

“Awww but you’ve already cum little one, remember? You’ve already had your turn!” He smiles sadistically as he grabs a washcloth from a little bowl on the side of the bed, wiping your face clean 

“You wanna pick another one babe?” He looks at Buck who blindly stretches his arm out and grabs another toy. Eddie takes it from him, a large purple wand

“Ooh, this one’s double-sided!” He pulls the ropes back, clicking the toy on and spreading your soaked folds. He slots the toy in the ropes and pushes it right against your clit 

“No! No please no!” You’re nearly crying as the toy is trapped between your legs vibrating against your clit. You curl into yourself your hips grinding down on it as you make a high-pitched whining noise and Buck laughs 

“Awwww, you poor little baby. You need help?”

“Daddy, please, please Daddy” You’re begging now, feeling that coil tightening up in your belly again 

“She’s right Eddie, we should give her clit some rest. It’s double sided right?” 

“No- that’s- that's not what I me-“

Buck turns on the wiggling function and you scream as he sinks it deep in your pussy. You nearly roll over, fucking the air helplessly and they both laugh at you

Eddie comes over to the end of the bed, kisses up Buck’s torso, and opens his legs, laying between them 

“Since she’s oh so busy…” He looks at you, rolling your hips helplessly and you tug at your restraints again 

“And seeing as how I’m the last one to cum” He whispers in his ear, lining his cock up with his hole. Buck opens his legs more, wrapping them around Eddie’s waist 

“She’s about to cum” He murmurs, kissing Eddie slowly Eddie reaches over, pulling the vibrator from you, watching as you clench around nothing and scream in frustration 

“How did you know that!!” You squeak out as he tosses that toy aside and grabs a rose with a longer tongue than normal 

“I know your body better than you do gorgeous” He winks as Eddie traps the rose between your legs and the ropes, he pulls away from Buck for a moment and smiles when he whines. 

“For your own safety, since we’ll be busy” He frees your hands and pins them above your head 

“But if you touch yourself… even once” his voice is deep, threatening “I will make you pay for that… you understand me?” 

You gulp, biting your lip “Y-yes sir”

“Good girl. Now sit up and watch us” He winks before going back to Buck who captures his lips eagerly, running his fingers through his fluffy dark hair and tugging roughly. Eddie lines his cock back up again and thrusts into him, his head falling onto his shoulder 

“Fuck you feel so good” he moans lowly as his hands grip Buck's hips. Your mouth drops open as you watch your boyfriends going at it, Eddie pushes Buck's legs up to his chest, his cock plunging in and out harder each time as they both completely ignore you and the way you’re struggling against the ropes 

Eddie chases after his own high now, an animal-like lust taking over as his hips snap into Buck’s over and over again. His hands slide over his hard body, stretching across the gorgeous plains of smooth skin, enjoying the way his body flushes with need. 

“That’s my good boy… take this cock” 

You fall over onto your side, panting harshly, as you watch Buck wriggle and moan under Eddie, he looks over at you, reaching for you and you take his hand 

“You wanna cum now baby bunny? Hm?” He looks just as blissed out as you do as Eddie fucks him, his thighs slapping against Buck’s 

“P-please Daddy please I can’t take it a-anymore” 

“Too fucking bad” Eddie pulls your hands apart and pins Buck’s against his chest 

“Not until I’m done” his breath hitches, his thrusts becoming sloppy. Buck arches his back, his legs wrapping tighter around Eddie’s waist and shoving him in deeper 

Eddie reaches over, turning your toy up all the way and you scream again, rolling over and trying to grind yourself into the bed, your body moves in sync with Eddie as he cums in Buck, slamming his hips into him and holding it there, letting out a loud growl as he falls over onto him, still slowly, sloppily thrusting. 

Buck cums just as hard, thick, hot ropes splash over his chest as he cries Eddie’s name, his hips thrusting into nothing.

“I think I’m in love” He smiles deliriously and Eddie laughs, nuzzling his head into Buck's shoulder 

“Yeah me too” 

They both finally look over at you, panting harshly. The toy is still going and you’re on your back again, your legs bent, you don’t even look coherent anymore. 

“I think we killed her” Buck mumbles and Eddie coos at you while pulling out of Buck. Your eyes go down to the way tendrils of his cum drip between the two of them. It’s messy and it’s hot. 

“Awww I’m sorry baby girl did we forget about you?” He pulls the toy away and your body shudders under his touch. Your body taught and overly sensitive 

Buck rolls over gingerly and helps Eddie untie you, your limbs relax as they rub them gently, working out any soreness. Your eyes follow each move, they’re so slow and dazed 

“Can you even speak?” Buck chuckles as he rubs your thigh, nuzzling his nose against it. He can smell your sweet arousal, dripping and never released. You’ve practically made a little puddle underneath you. He kisses across your thigh, burying his nose against your clit and inhaling slowly 

“Fucking hell” He moans, languidly lapping at your clit. It’s so puffy and overstimulated at this point all you can do is cry, the tears fall and you cover your face, sniffling into your hands 

“What did we say about covering those pretty tears…” Eddie pulls your hands away, leaning down and kisses your tears, licking them away as he holds your chin in his hand 

“You deserve a present” He whispers in your ear “Doin' so fucking good. You haven’t cum once…” 

You look up at him, a little whimpering noise coming from your throat and he smirks, laying down on his back and maneuvering you on top of him with Bucks help. Eddie’s cock, still creamy with his earlier release slides into your ass with ease. He groans deeply, holding you there for a minute before Buck crawls in front of you two 

“You ready baby girl? It’s your turn” Buck gets on his knees, stroking his cock and tapping it against your poor abused clit. You reach out for him and he grins, leaning down over you and kissing you. He holds your face like Eddie had, pulling away a bit and spitting in your mouth 

“God you look so fucking stupid” He whispers, kissing down your sternum “Like a sweet little whore, just waiting to be used….” 

“We should get her in a glory hole one day” Eddie snickers as Buck rubs your thighs, spreading them slowly and lining his cock up with your entrance. He pushes the tip in, feeling you suck him in greedily 

“God that would be the dream, seeing her full of cum?” Buck sighs and thrusts into you, causing you to cry out, finally making a noise 

“What if we got that fake cum stuff and just… covered her in it?” Eddie thrusts after him and they start a smooth rhythm, thrusting in sync 

“I’ll look into it” Buck agrees as he captures your nipple in his mouth, sucking on the hard little nub and massaging the other. Eddie reaches over to the pile of toys and grabs a little riding crop. He hands it to you and grabs your tits, squeezing them together 

“Make him go faster” He whispers in your ear and Buck looks up just in time for you to bring it down on his ass. He gasps, his hips speeding up immediately and Eddie laughs wickedly 

“You’re such a good little doll” 

He speeds up in time with Buck and soon all three of you are moaning, it doesn’t take long, as soon as Buck's hand comes down on your clit you’re screaming for them, your back arching off of Eddie’s chest, squeezing his cock tighter as you squirt wildly, your juices dripping down the front of Buck’s body. The second you explode he does too, cumming in you at the same time Eddie cums in you with a shout. 

You’re so overstimulated you keep coming, over and over as Buck and Eddie ride out their highs inside you. You desperately cling to Buck, clawing deep into his back, his grip on your hips is bruising, leaving sweet purple marks of how hard they’d been fucking you and torturing you

Buck pulls out of you with a wet pop and you fall off Eddie and onto the bed, sobbing into the blankets

Eddie pulls you into his arms, chuckling softly and rubbing your back as you cry into his arms. 

“Awww lo siento mi vida… did we go too far?” 

Buck comes around and lies on the other side of you, his body conforming to yours and wrapping his arms around your torso 

“You need anything?” He mutters into your neck, rubbing your thighs and you shake your head, wiping at your eyes 

Eddie pulls away from you long enough to get your favorite blanket and the teddy bear you keep next to Buck’s from his childhood so they can be friends. He stops for a minute and rolls his eyes, grabbing Bucks too. 

He eases back into your arms and hands you the bear as Buck pulls the blanket over you, tucking you in. 

“You okay baby girl?” Buck holds his bear up to your face, giving you little kisses and you snort, hiding your face in Eddie’s chest 

“I’m not a baby!” 

“You’re our baby,” Eddie says, tilting your head up and kissing your nose “Now accept your teddy kisses” 

You facepalm and awkwardly turn on your back, taking the teddy bear and giving it a big dramatic kiss 

“Happy?” You look at them and Buck kinda giggles a little, shaking his head 

“Okay. Hear me-“

“Shut the fuck up” Eddie reaches over beating him with the pillow and Buck screams, yanking it from him 

“You have the fucking audacity when I caught you jerking off into her third favorite pair of yoga pants that she’d taken off with her underwear to go shower!” 

Eddie’s mouth drops wide open because those had been ruined that day and neither man would own up to it or tell on the other and you’d received four new workout sets as an apology and enough orgasms to forget all about it

“You did what?!?!!” You whirl on Eddie and Buck screams, already running down the stairs 

“I’m gonna kill you!” 

[stevesbipanic]

@steddielovemonth Day 28: Love is when you look at his lips for half the conversation because you can’t stop thinking about kissing him. @starryeyedjanai

"Steve!" Robin clicked her fingers in front of Steve's face, Steve turned towards her, "Have you heard a thing I said?"

"Sure, I was listening."

"No you weren't you weren't looking at me, I wasn't born yesterday, Evie."

Steve smiled slyly, "Fine what were you saying about your date with Nancy," he replied pointedly looking at her lips this time.

Robin cracked a giddy grin, "The rollerskating was a great idea she held my hand all night cause you know I'm a klutz!"

Steve laughed turning to continue stacking the tapes. Robin poked her head round him at the sound of the front bell.

"Eddie!" She said tapping Steve and pointing. Steve grinned at the metalhead wiggling his fingers in a wave.

"Stevie! How's my favourite future cyborg, you ready to go?" Steve liked watching Eddie talk, the way his lips moved.

"Thanks for driving him, Ed, it was hard enough convincing him to go to the first appointment, wanna make sure he actually gets them."

"Course, Bucks, happy to babysit our favourite babysitter."

Steve punched out his card and gathered his things from the back. The drive to the doctor's office was quick, the thrum of Eddie's mixtapes vibrating the van. Steve always liked hanging out with Eddie, he liked loud.

He really wanted to hold Eddie's hand once they were sat in the bright white office. The cold walls were a little too similar to the bunker, but he'd promised Robin.

"It'll be a little weird when we first turn them on but you should adjust within a week." The doctor explained before fiddling with the device. A few seconds later the tune of the radio flooded his ears, Steve perked up a smile gracing his face. He looked over at Eddie, "I can hear the radio!" Eddie grinned widely in return.

Later, back at the trailer Steve was enjoying hearing the movie playing, happy to not have to rely on the limited subtitled movies Hawkins had to offer. He could hear Eddie finishing dinner in the background, it warmed his heart feeling somewhat normal again.

"Hear you go, sweetheart," Eddie said passing Steve a bowl of spaghetti, plopping down beside him, it was nice, hearing Eddie's voice more clearly now.

He paused the movie as Eddie started monologuing about something that had happened at the garage that morning. Steve wasn't really paying attention, too busy watching Eddie's lips. He wanted to tell Eddie how he felt but he didn't want to lose this.

"Stevie?"

"Hmm?" He replied not looking away from Eddie's mouth.

"Your hearing aids stop working? You've been reading my lips."

Steve blushed, "Um no, I heard you just fine."

Eddie paused before smirking, "See something you like then, sweetheart?"

Steve smiled in return, "Maybe, maybe I just need you to come closer to hear better."

Eddie leaned forward, glancing down at Steve's lips, "Better?"

"Hmm, little closer, don't want to miss anything you say, very important."

Eddie was barely a breath away, all Steve had to do was close the gap, "Stevie." Eddie said Steve's name like a promise and Steve couldn't help moving forward, brushing his lips against Eddie's.

He's glad he listened to Robin and got the hearing aides, he wanted to memorise the sound of Eddie's gasps and moans forever.

[hotshotsxyz]

walking around with your heart

(buddie) (1.4k words) (spoilers for 6x04)

It fucking hurts. 

It fucking hurts, and maybe Hen was right, maybe it would’ve hurt either way, but this is worse, Buck thinks. He drops his phone to the counter top and buries his head in his arms. 

Spare parts. Defective spare parts, as it were. 

All Buck’s ever wanted to do is help, but he was cursed from the start. 

…family history bars you from participating in the donor program…

Buck’s phone rings on the counter. 

He ignores it. 

Then three texts come through in rapid succession. 

Hey Buck, give us a call?

We just heard from the facility

Think we need to talk

Buck picks the phone up and turns it over in his hand. Over and over, until he’s accidentally opened the camera and he’s staring at his own face. 

When Buck was a kid, adults always used to think he was hurt. They’d fuss, right up until they realized it was just his birthmark, and then they’d go back to doing whatever it was adults did. He never thought much of it, not really. Forgot it was there, most of the time, unless someone asked him about it. 

For a while, after the shooting, any time he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror he’d mistake it for blood. Eddie’s. 

Maddie told him once that it was an angel’s kiss. He always liked the thought of that. 

Now, though, as he stares at it on the screen of his phone, he wonders if it wasn’t a defective stamp, meant to differentiate him from all the perfect babies born at the hospital that day. A bright red mark that, from the beginning, was meant to say, “throw me away! I’m no good!”

His phone rings again. 

This time it’s Eddie. 

Buck answers the call before he has time to think better of it. 

“Hey Eds,” he says, quiet and subdued. 

“Uh-oh,” Eddie replies, sounding distant and tinny. “I know that voice. What’s wrong?”

Buck rolls his shoulders and forces a smile to his face. “Nothing, I’m fine.”

Eddie hums disbelievingly. “Convincing, Buckley,” he says sarcastically. 

Despite himself, Buck’s fake smile morphs into something softer and a little more real. “Seriously, Eds, I’m fine.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” Eddie replies. “Which is an excellent segue, because Mr. Independent has decided he’s going to sleep over at Benny’s after the movie tonight, and I’m going stir crazy.”

“And what, you think I’m just going to drop everything and come over?” Buck asks, grinning a little wider. 

“Nope,” Eddie says. “I am hoping you’ll open the door, though.”

Buck snorts and stands, crossing the short distance to the door and pulling it open. 

“Surprise,” Eddie says, holding up a case of beer, a paper grocery bag, and what honest-to-god looks like a blow up mattress. 

“You have keys,” Buck says, stepping back to let Eddie inside. 

“And I’d be very appreciative if you grabbed them for me.”

For a fleeting moment, Buck entertains the idea of sticking his hand in Eddie’s pocket and fishing around for keys. Then Eddie nods at the entryway, Buck spots them on the ground, and the illusion is shattered. 

“You know,” Buck says as he bends to scoop them, “I might have plans.”

“Do you?” Eddie asks, settling his load on the counter. 

Buck presses his lips together and mock glares at Eddie.

“Great,” Eddie grins. “In that case, we’re playing drunk Mario Kart until we can’t see straight.”

“And the air mattress?” Buck asks, prodding it with a finger. 

“You,” Eddie says, pointing at him, “don’t have a couch. And we’re too old to sit on the floor.”

Buck snorts out a laugh and ducks his head. “Fine,” he says. “You blow up the ‘couch’ and I’ll make popcorn.”

Eddie bumps against his shoulder. “Knew I could count on you.”

At least someone can, Buck thinks. 

…

“So,” Eddie says when they’re settled on the mattress, a bowl of popcorn between them, “you gonna tell me what’s wrong?”

“Nothing–” Buck begins to answer, before Eddie fixes him with that don’t-bullshit-me look he’s way too good at. Buck sighs. “It’s a long story.”

“We’ve got time,” Eddie says. 

Buck leans back and closes his eyes. “I ever tell you about my old roommate, Connor?”

“You’ve said his name, but I don’t think you’ve ever told me anything about him.”

Buck sighs. “He got married a few years back. His wife– she’s sweet. They’re a good match.” He pauses, but Eddie doesn’t interrupt him. “They want kids. But uh– Connor– he can’t, um. So they… asked me?” Buck cracks one eye open and looks at Eddie. 

He hums thoughtfully. “So that’s what’s got you in knots? You’re not sure how to turn them down?”

Buck chuckles mirthlessly. “No need, apparently. Did you know that a family history of childhood leukemia disqualifies you from making a sperm donation through a bank?”

“No, I– Buck,” Eddie says. 

“I said yes,” Buck says quietly. “A few weeks ago.”

“And you didn’t tell anyone?”

Buck bites his lip and looks away. “I told Hen.”

“Oh,” Eddie says quietly. 

“I just– they wanted their kid to be someone like me, Eds. I thought… I wanted to help.”

“But you can’t,” Eddie puts together. 

“No,” Buck says, “I fucking can’t.”

Eddie’s quiet for a long moment. “Is it really what you wanted?” he asks finally. 

“I—I’ve wanted kids my whole life,” Buck says. “And I know this wouldn’t have been the same, but if I could help someone else have it then maybe… maybe I…”

“Maybe you’d what?” Eddie asks, looking him in the eye. “Deserve to have it too?”

Buck swallows and ducks away from Eddie’s gaze. “Something like that,” he says quietly. 

“You know that’s not how it works, right?” Eddie asks gently. 

“Kind of seems like it does,” Buck mutters. 

Several seconds pass in contemplative silence. Eventually, Eddie breaks it. 

“You want to know what I think?” he asks. 

“Am I allowed to say no?” Buck jokes weakly. 

Eddie slaps his bicep lightly but allows his hand to linger. “I think you would have been miserable, knowing there was a kid out there with your eyes and heart and mind that you couldn’t call your own. I think you’d feel guilty every time you thought about him, and I think you’d be wondering, constantly, what it’d be like if he was yours. And I think you’d feel even more guilty about that, because I know you wouldn’t have considered it if you didn’t think your friends were going to be good parents.”

Buck allows his eyes to slip closed and focuses on Eddie’s hand as it slowly slides to his wrist. 

“I think you’re an incredible dad, and it would kill you to have a kid whose life you weren’t a part of.”

“M’not a dad, Eds, that’s the whole point,” Buck says, without opening his eyes. 

Eddie’s hand tightens around his wrist. “I don’t think that’s true,” he says softly. 

Buck furrows his eyebrows and blinks his eyes open. “What, you think I have a secret kid out there?”

Eddie snorts a laugh. “No, Buck. I think you made dinner last night, and went to the science fair the night before that. I think you went to the beach last weekend and spent the entire day chasing Christopher around with a bottle of sunscreen. I think I put you in my will for a reason. You’re a good dad, Buck. Whatever it is you think you have to do to deserve it, you’ve already done it.”

“Eddie,” Buck breathes. “I’m not—” 

“We’ve got more than one friend I’m pretty sure you’d offend if you finished that sentence,” Eddie says gently. 

A tear pricks at the corner of Buck’s eye. “You really think…”

“Yeah, Buck,” Eddie says, rubbing his thumb across the inside of his wrist. “Maybe it’s selfish of me, but I’m kind of glad you’ve only got the one kid running around.”

Buck sniffs and scrubs a hand across his face. “Yeah, well, that kid’s going to destroy us both the next time we play if we don’t practice.”

“Destroy you, maybe,” Eddie says softly. He clearly recognizes the deflection for what it is, but he lets go of Buck’s wrist anyway. He picks up his controller. “Ready whenever you are, Evan.”

Buck’s heart gives a hard thump, and he grabs his controller too. “You’re on, Diaz.”

(And in the morning, when they wake up tangled together on a half-deflated air mattress and Buck’s heart gives another heavy thump, he’ll shoves it in the same box as everything else he’s too afraid to look at.)

[shaunashipman]

For the hc thing (is basically a ff idea but English is not my first language and I’m not skilled enough to actually write it): they both fall hard and fast, but they are scared to admit it. At some point -I’d like to say a few years, but with 911 you never know lol- they both decide they want to propose, so they both buy a ring without telling anyone (Tommy would like to tell Eddie or Maddie, but at the same time he is terrified by the thought that one of them is going to tell him that this is moving too fast, that Buck isn’t actually so invested in their relationship and such). And the problem is… they do romantic things all the time. Tommy gives him “flying lessons” on regular basis, they go to the beach to watch the sunset and so on. So they both have no idea how to actually ask and tbh they are both scared because yes, they live together and they say “I love you”, but what if…?

Until one night Tommy comes back from a shift and it was a long one and he is exhausted and he just want to sleep and cuddle the love of his life and Buck is not even looking at him, but he greets him with his soft voice and he is cooking dinner and Tommy can see that there are fresh flowers on the table and he can’t have another minute without being engaged to this man.

So he falls on his knees and Buck turns around and he poops the question right here and Buck looks at him panicked and just screams “No!”

Tommy looks at him and gets up and Buck can see the way his heart broke and he leaves the room without a word and Tommy doesn’t even know what’s going on, just that his heart is scattered in a million pieces.

Until Buck comes back in a hurry and falls on his knees (on his bad knee, for the love of god) and shows him the ring and asks him the question right the back.

In the end, they’re idiots and they love each other very much, thank u bye

(Really hope it makes sense in a way, these two live in mind rent free😭)

yessss double proposal, that video of the two girls was so cute 🥰

all the comedy, they can't figure out how to propose, and then whenever one of them comes up with something it somehow gets interrupted, like eddie runs into them and accidentally starts 3rd wheeling it, not getting any of the unsubtle hints, or some emergency happens right there and they have to jump into first responder mode

i wouldn't want buck to just leave him immediately to run get the ring, that just feels a little too hurtful even if it's only for a second.

i'm picturing: buck turns around and sees tommy on his knees about to pop the question, blurts out "wait, wait!!" and tommy freezes, not sure if that's in response to him or if something else just happened, not helped by buck rushing past him out of the kitchen, running back in to kiss him hard on the mouth and running back out again, confusing the fuck out of tommy, then finally runs back in an drops to his knees (fuck his bad knee, his fiancé can help him massage it out later) and they're both laughing and crying, trying to say the words at the same time, fumbling to slip the rings onto each other's fingers

then they fuck over the kitchen counter so they can link their left hands together and stare at their rings

(p.s your english is great, this made perfect sense)

[gmwsuperfan5467890]

911 Opinions (Some may be unpopular, some may not)

-I think it makes sense why Harry acted the way he did after the kidnapping. He was developing unhealthy coping mechanisms after a severely traumatic event. Him blaming Athena and idolizing Jeffrey was not right, of course but that was his brain operating on survival mode, finding a scenario that he could cope with and giving him someone who is alive and who he is comfortable expressing his feelings with to blame.

-I think Michael is to blame (to a degree) for Harry’s kidnapping. Of course, most of the blame goes to the actual kidnapper but why the hell would you invite a bunch of neighbors to your house in the dark and then not watch your kid?? If Jeffrey didn’t kidnap Harry, then any one of the neighbors could have kidnapped Harry because 1) you don’t know them that well or their intentions, 2) it’s dark and crowded, so it would be easy to do it 3) Michael and David kept their eyes of Harry for long periods of time. I’ve heard stories of parents taking their eyes off their kids for a few seconds at the park and the kids are just gone.

- I actually liked the idea of the sperm donor arc. I wasn’t a huge fan of the execution but I hope we see its repercussions on Buck in later seasons. For example, maybe he has a conversation with Connor and Kameron on the phone and we see that he doesn’t feel attached to the baby like a father would and that he feels at ease with his decision being a sperm donor.

-Even though I do not like Taylor as a character, I do appreciate that they did not make her the complete ‘villain’ in the relationship. Both her and Buck betrayed each other at points. In Buck’s other relationships, he was passive, which made him a ‘victim’ (I use quotation marks because in most cases except extremes such as abuse, there are no victims and villains in relationships). So, I liked that they made him have flaws, act in ways he shouldn’t, hurt the person he doesn’t want to hurt. It’s horrible but it’s raw and very human. Do I approve of his actions? No. But approving of everything a character does, doesn’t make a compelling story.

- Eddie is the one who realized his feelings for Buck first. I think they are both aware that they are physically attracted to each other to a degree but Eddie realized that he was in love with Buck when he got shot. I think that is rather poetic because people only realize how much Buck means to them when he is hurt or in danger but Eddie realizes his feelings for Buck when he is danger and Buck is in a ‘safer’ position.

-I liked that they brought Eva back and that her and Karen had that conversation for closure. I’ve always got the vibe that Karen wasn’t fully over Hen cheating (I can’t blame her) so to hear that Eva knew that Hen loved Karen more must’ve put her at ease to a degree and hopefully squashed the voice in her head telling her she is not enough and that she could never compete with Eva.

-I actually would like to know more about Hen and Eva’s relationship because why would like to know why Hen slept with Eva and why she always felt so compelled to help her when she’s in trouble. I know that Hen is a kind and caring person but to me, it seems like it goes beyond that.

- I love Buck as a character but I think season 6 was oversaturated with him. He had like 3 or 4 major plots? I think Hen and Bobby should have had more plots so that this season could have been the Hen-Bobby-Buck season and then next season could be the Eddie-Chimney-Athena-Maddie season.

-We often have Maddie plots with Chimney as a supporting character but it would be nice to see Chimney plots with Maddie as a supporting character. Don’t get me wrong, I love Maddie but I also want to see Chimney shine and get some support.

-911 actually has some great cinematography and sound design (I’m not sure if that is the right term).The scene where Hen has a breakdown after accidentally killing the girl who was going to play in the orchestra, Shannon’s death scene, the shooting and Buck getting struck by lightning most notably have great cinematography and excellent background music (or silence in some cases).

- I don’t like the idea of Buddie having another kid (if they get together). I know it’s more nuanced than this but it feels like they missed out on so much with Christopher, so let’s just have another kid to make up for it. Every parental figure that Christopher has ever had has let him down at some point by abandoning him in some sort of way. I think it’s unfair that Buck and Eddie can start over with a clean slate (for a lack of a better phrase).

- I also don’t like the idea of Buck having his own kid biologically (with or without Eddie) because in my opinion, it cheapens the idea of his whole arc in season 6, which is biology does not make one a father. A man can be a father to another man’s kid.

[wackybuddiemewbs]

WIP Wednesday Buddie Edition

What can I say? Buck is one of my fave wump characters and I kinda dig this idea of him having his "oh" moment on the verge of dying. More so since of what we saw in season 6 thus far. Still don't know what I'm doing. Won't ever. But I'm rocking it, for better of worse. Cheers!

Working title: Reenact My Pain of Losing You

Basic idea: When the 118 is summoned to a field with actual trenches and not at all real soldiers of a world war, everyone is in for a bad surprise when the play turns dead serious. And it’s not just time that’s ticking for Buck and Eddie.

Find out more here: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

“… I still wonder what the odds are,” Buck blurts out, asking.

“Odds for what?” he can hear the frown on Eddie’s face even down in that trench, looking at the stars above.

“To nearly die in a bombing, only to end up on a bunch of grenades. Like, what are the odds?” Buck heaves a small sigh, reminding himself not to move too much. “I mean, not that you would know. You suck at math, after all. I guess we both won’t ever know. But yeah… what are the odds, right?”

Buck is aware that he’s been battling the odds long before the bombing, long before he ever tried out as a firefighter. As he learned some time back, his life started against a great many odds. And while he dares to think he came to terms with it for the most part, there is no denying that he battled the odds, tested their limits, and sometimes even went well beyond them.

Still, it remains his shit luck to seemingly lose against the odds unintentionally. Because some guys wanted to play at war. Well, at least that proves him right about not having gone through with the SEALs training. Buck is not cut out for war either. Or rather, he doesn’t have the nerve for any of this.

“Well, maybe that means the odds are on your side,” Eddie argues. “Because someone who survived a bombing might just as well survive a second. Like people winning at the lottery who’d won before.”

Buck snorts at that. “You know that whole thing’s a scam, right?”

“Tell my abuela that.”

“I might jinx it.” He smirks. “Like, if I go tonight, she won’t get to me.”

“Buck.” Eddie’s tone is a warning.

“I’m kidding,” Buck assures him quickly. He knows he should cut that out. Eddie is clearly not taking well to his gallows humor, and that is likely the appropriate reaction. But Buck can’t seem to stop himself.

What’s the point anyway, right? If I don’t laugh about it, I might just as well cry about it. And what’s gained from that?

“Alright…,” Eddie mutters, then pauses. “You’ll have to pick a new category for quizzes, though. We’re through with geography, biology, and astrology.”

“I don’t wanna quiz anymore,” Buck whispers, feeling his chest tighten.

No, he isn’t going to cry. Not yet, at least. But he doesn’t want to think about lakes or constellations or weird animal facts anymore, either. Because they tend to make him think about Chris. And then he is this close to choking up after all.

“Sure, whatever you want,” Eddie answers quickly. There is another pause on the other end of the line.

Buck screws his eyes shut. Truthfully, he is more than grateful that Eddie has been keeping him preoccupied this whole time. It takes his mind off of the obvious. And Buck always found something particularly deafening about silence. Lying in that trench all by himself when Eddie is not there to fill the silence nearly makes him lose it every time.

“So, ugh… What else do you wanna talk about, then?” Eddie asks, his voice soft, almost too soft for Buck. But that’s just Eddie.

Buck licks his lips.

What do you want to talk about before you die? Might die?

Loaded question, he supposes. One he maybe should have taken to Dr. Copeland before. After all, it’s the kind of question that may come up on any call. But it never came up for Buck until now, oddly enough. Because it’s not his first time dancing the dance of death. He had close calls before, very close calls.

Like the bombing, the ladder truck. But back then, he didn’t think about that. He was scared, downright terrified. And in pain. Lots of pain that even the adrenaline couldn’t wash away. It happened too fast for him to start crafting a speech or whatever else. He just dug his nails into the gravel and tried to stay awake, grappled on to life in a desperate attempt that somehow went in his favor at long last.

When he did that rescue by the construction after Eddie got shot, Buck didn’t think about any last words as well. Sure, he didn’t have much time either. But the climb was long enough to think of something, had he put his mind to it. But back then, he tried not to think at all. Because thinking lead to feeling. And he didn’t want to feel what he felt. Buck didn’t want to feel like he had when Eddie got shot. Then he rather would have died. Literally. If only to make that stupid life matter somehow. Anyhow. To keep his loved ones safe.

Not that he has a death wish, he really doesn’t. Contrary to what some people think, Buck isn’t chasing death. He isn’t chasing a glorious exit from this world. Some time back, Maddie said that they are opposites, the fugitive and the settler. Settling means wanting to stay. So Buck doesn’t have a death wish, he has an undying will to live, and perhaps a certain talent not to jump the knife despite the close calls he’s had.

But now he is lying here, he can’t move, there is not enough adrenaline left in him to keep all thoughts and feelings out of his head, away from his heart. They are spinning freely, round and round, taunting him, just to spin another time. Which means he may have to answer some of the questions he’s managed to dodge for quite a few years by now.

He had been thinking about some of it, following Lev’s death. He tried to find the answer to his own happiness. And Lev only found it the second before he left this world. And no again, Buck didn’t chase death after that either. Despite a certain stunt he pulled involving a bike. But Lev’s death got him thinking about the things Buck tends to push away.

If you had just one more day to live, what would you do? What would you say? And to whom?

“Buck?” he can hear Eddie’s voice call out.

Buck blinks. “Oh, ugh, sorry. I… drifted off.”

“That’s okay, just making sure. I bet you’re exhausted, but we can’t have you doze off. So you gotta hold on tight, remember,” Eddie tells him.

“Right. Yeah, of course. Holding on.”

He’s accustomed to that. Has done that for the better and worse part of his life. He held on tight. He clutched, clawed, clung. Because he was desperate to be left behind. Because he was desperate to stay, so others may stay with him.

And has anything truly changed about it since then?

“So what do you want to talk about, if not random trivia?” Eddie questions.

“You.” The word comes to Buck with unexpected ease, even less expected resolution.

Maybe the universe is answering at the worst of times yet again, huh? Which might be just about the shittiest sense of humor anyone could possibly have.

“Me?” Eddie asks, confused.

“Mhm,” Buck hums, settling into the feeling spreading throughout him. Because it’s comforting. It’s not cold and damp. It doesn’t taste of dust. It doesn’t make his ribs ache from having to remain in that awkward position. It’s warm and bright and makes his stomach flutter in a most pleasant way.

Maybe it really works like that. Maybe that’s how Lev found his answers. When you find yourself in an everything-or-nothing kind of situation, it creates a certain clarity that you lack in normal life. Normal life is muddied by a lot of things. There is just so much noise.

So much is going on, so much life happening, all at once and very loudly. And Buck loves that about life. How full it is, how much it is, how loud it is, never once being sorry for it being there. But sometimes, it makes it hard to see that one single thing you want to look at, hear one voice you want to hear above all else. Because life keeps happening around you, pulling you all kinds of directions, so you lose focus.

Like spinning in a circle too many times and then trying to walk in a straight line.

But in situations that are either or, nor or neither, you don’t have that. It’s this way or the other, left or right, back or forth. There is no staggering, no escape. It’s very still, very timid, and in that way, absolutely clear.

If you had just one more day to live, what would you do? What would you say? And to whom? Whose voice would you want to hear? Whose stories would you want to listen to till last?

“What do you want me to say about myself, then?” Eddie asks.

And Buck can’t help but smile. “I don’t know. Like, plans for the weekend or how breakfast was today. I didn’t ask.”

There are so many things he didn’t say, didn’t do. There are things Buck could have added to his memories. Like how Eddie’s day was before he got to the station. But they had a call early on, so he didn’t have the chance to ask. It’s mundane, he knows, but Buck loves the mundane. Because even the quiet life is loud in his head, in his heart, small treasures he’d want to preserve. So maybe he can add some more, as many as he can.

“You know you’re being odd right now,” Eddie comments.

“So?”

He gets to be, right? Buck can leave being sensible to the rest for now. He just lies here and he feels. Lets the feelings bleed out of him, ready or not. And Buck is done shutting those emotions out, no matter how many questions and troubles they may add to a life that lies on the knife’s edge right now. The sky is clear above him, and so seem some things that normal life tends to leave in the fog and constant noise of its recurrence.

Maybe, had he stopped and stared some time ago, it would have come to him sooner. But the matter of fact is that it’s coming to Buck now, slowly creeping up his spine. And against the odds of the situation, it’s not that scary.

“Fine. Breakfast talk… Ugh, lemme think. I wanted to have cereal, but I forgot to buy a new package, so I had a PB&J sandwich instead. Plus coffee, of course,” Eddie tells him. “There, happy?”

Buck smiles. “Very.”

If you had just one more day to live, what would you do? Who would you want to be with? What would you say? And why?

“So I’ll have to get a new package of cereal on the weekend. I… we should go together, you know? Coz I was thinking about having a picnic in the park. Chris is aching to skateboard again, because he’s apparently not too old for that yet. So we could pack some things and head straight there. He’d sure have a blast.”

Buck smiles, feeling his eyes water. “That… that sounds great.”

He knows what Eddie is doing. Because Buck has done it plenty of times, talking to people on calls in an effort to calm them down. You don’t promise that you get them out, but you leave them hoping, so long there is as much as a slight chance they might make it. You help them visualize the future after the event. Sometimes, they get to it, and it serves as motivation to reach it. Other times, Buck supposes, it’s a small comfort. Not a lie, really, but a way of escape from an otherwise frightening and horrid situation. To a future that may never be, but at the same time just might.

“Then we’re gonna do that,” Eddie says, nearly choking on the words.

“We should, yeah.”

If you had just one more day to live, what would you do? What would you say? And to whom? And why? Why?

Buck has a feeling he knows at long last, glancing at the stars above him. If they are mocking him, he has no care in the world for it. Because he has the answer right in front of him, despite the universe’s bad sense of humor to only have him hear it.

A day in the park with Eddie and Christopher. Smiling and laughing with them. Be with the people who are most important to him in his life. Live with them, happy and loud and unashamed.

A day in the park with Eddie and Christopher. One more day to say what’s been bubbling underneath the surface of a fast-paced life that didn’t leave Buck the room to fully comprehend until now that this was a truth he’s known well before. His way to happiness all along.

A day in the park with Eddie and Christopher. One more day to chance it, throw the dice, steal a kiss, and see where it leads him. He’s kissed guys before. Some time back, even dated some. So that’s not what would have him scared. Just Eddie saying no thanks. Eddie withdrawing. But he’d try anyway.

After all, it’d be his last day. If tomorrow isn’t promised to him, then, doesn’t that set him free to follow his heart no matter what? Because he’d only have one more day promised to him. So why wouldn’t he use it? To steal a few more seconds than were granted to Lev before he found his answer?

If Buck had just one more day to live, he’d want to spend it with the people he loves, that’s what Buck knows without a shadow of a doubt. Because it is those people who are his happiness.

If Buck had just one more day to live, he’d say how he truly feels. To Eddie. For Eddie.

But that’s the treacherous thing about it.

Buck may not live another day to do it.

Still, he should.

Maybe.

Probably.

“We definitely should.”

I have to.

[lamardeuse]

2022 writing review

1. Number of works posted to AO3: 10 (8 fics plus 2 vids)

2. Word count posted for the year: 59,553 (not a lot compared to some but in terms of the last few years it’s one of my higher word counts, and the highest one since 2012)

3. Fandoms I wrote for: 9-1-1, Merlin, Our Flag Means Death

4. Pairings: Buck/Eddie, Merlin/Arthur, Lucy Donato/OFC, Ed/Stede

5. Story with the most:

kudos:  Bajo Fuerte Como Ron

bookmarks & comment threads: Forest for the Trees

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): eh, I don’t know about “proud” but I was pleased with among the rusted hulls of years, which was such fun because I was able to get back to writing about both London and Merlin again. It was also gratifying to hear from people that it had hit the mark for them in terms of the emotional notes because it covered some pretty heavy topics and I wasn’t sure if I’d gotten the mix right.

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why): again, I don’t really think of it in terms of being “proud” of fanworks - I’m just happy I managed to write as much I did, and each story or vid has elements I enjoyed.

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received: this one that I got yesterday, I mean holy fuck. And this one from the recipient of the Merlin fic was pretty damn amazing too.

9. A time when writing was really, really hard: the last month I haven’t been all that motivated to write, but I’m hoping to get some more 911 fic written before 6B airs in March.

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: basically, there’s always a point (if I’m lucky) in every fic where the characters take over and it feels like they’re writing it - I don’t know where a particular line or idea comes from as I’m writing it. It’s weird, but interestingly those are the lines or ideas that often get quoted back to me by people. There were times in Forest for the Trees, for example, which I was trying to write in Buck’s voice in the description as well as the dialogue, where I swear that I was channeling him - for instance, I have no idea where the Shape of Water comparison came from. It’s when I know I’m on the right track.

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing: probably the whole of the getting-together scene in The Art of Wifery - I was trying to write Ed POV and get Stede’s voice right and I felt like that whole scene really built and flowed naturally, so I was pleased with it. One excerpt: 

When he's standing right behind Stede, Ed sees him close his eyes. There's a fine tremor in Stede's shoulders as he takes a deep breath in through his nose.

“What's wrong?”

Stede opens his eyes again, and this time the light catches a shine in them that wasn't there before. “Nothing. For the first time in my life, I think I can honestly say nothing is wrong.”

“Stede –”

“And you know, I don't care if you want me to wear a dress for the rest of my bloody life, if it makes you look at me like that – if it makes you –”

“Jesus, Stede, it's not about the dress.”

Stede's reflection raises an eyebrow at him.

“Okay, so it's a little bit about the dress,” Ed admits. “But not the way you think.”

12. How did you grow as a writer this year: Just getting back into writing semi-regularly in the last couple of years (and vidding this year) has been such a joy, 911 and OFMD have been a gift.

13. How do you hope to grow next year: Not a freaking clue. I do want to try to write something longer again, I guess, and push myself to get back to writing an actual plot of some complexity.

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer, beta, cheerleader, etc): there is SO MUCH great meta in 911 fandom from people like @yramesoruniverse and it’s really helped me to see the characters and the buck/eddie relationship in particular from so many different angles. You’re all amazing and I adore your energy, your enthusiasm and your big brains.

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: way too much hahaha - and the freaky thing is sometimes I don’t pick up on it until afer I’ve written it.

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: Don’t get butthurt if you’re called out on something you’ve written that’s caused harm. Writing it in the first place doesn’t necessarily make you a dickhead, but crying about it and getting your friends to defend your honour against marginalized people who are giving you free advice on how to do better? That definitely makes you a dickhead. Apologize, fix it and apply what you’ve learned in the future. Learn to separate yourself from your work a little bit - criticism of a fic is not criticism of you personally.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: Oh god, there’s a buddie AU I want to write but it will take Work and I’m trying to motivate myself to get started on it.

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read: Anyone and everyone!

[lemonzestywrites]

20 questions for fic writers

got tagged by the lovely @your-catfish-friend thank you darling!!!

1) how many works do you have on ao3?

21!

2) what’s your total ao3 word count?

110,328

3) what fandoms do you write for?

actively- just 9-1-1! I have a SWAT fic i wrote when i first got my account but after joining the 9-1-1 fandom i kinda got sucked in lmaoo

4) what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

a two inch difference | 3.1k| teen | (1,230 kudos)

the last shred of truth in the lost myth of true love | 25.6k | explicit | (728 kudos)

801.2 miles (between your heart and mine) | 2.8k | teen | (475 kudos)

our sweet love (built on the unspoken things) | 8.5k | teen | (442 kudos)

exactly what you were looking for | 3k | teen | (407 kudos)

5) do you respond to comments? why or why not)

i try my best to! i’m usually very good about it but sometimes i’ll do a cycle of answering comments a few days after posting a fic and then any comments posted after that point i’ll forget to reply to 😅 i always feel so bad about it but i’m trying to get better about it!!

i feel like comments are one of those thing things that like not many people leave already so it’s nice to go and say thank you to those who took the time to leave such kind words and a little thanks

6) what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

ooooh i’m not sure. i always try to write happy endings just cause i prefer reading them- or at the very least hopeful and vauge ending

probably the place in my heart that used to be yours i feel like that one has probably the saddest out of all my fics

7) what is the fic your wrote with the happiest ending?

okay now we have an real problem cause i write nothing but happy endings LMAO

in my opinion i think objectively all i want for christmas is probably the happiest (and also one of my favorites)

8) do you get hate on fics?

thankfully no! everyone has been very kind and lovely something i’m extremely grateful for!!!

9) do you wrote smut? if so, what kind?

i do! i’m getting into writing a lot more as of late

i guess my main focus on writing smut is something very exploitative and intimate with a focus on queer relationships (then again i feel like this makes up a good chunk of my writing lmao)

intimacy and vulnerability are some of my favorite things to write so i love taking something like sex- a great outlet for both topics- and really trying to explore and character through that lens

10) do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve ever written?

i don’t! the idea of making a crossover work messes with my brain too bad so i don’t think i could ever go through with one

11) have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of! hopefully it stays that way though i would hate to see my work cross posted cause that fucking sucks as an artist

12) have you ever had a fic translated?

again not that i know of but i would absolutely love to! i think being able to have as many people read my fic as possible without the limits of language would be very cool to me! :)

13) have you ever co-written a fic before?

no but i think that would be very fun!

i am kinda intimidated by the idea though just cause i am such a slow writer that the idea of sharing a project with someone would make me nervous cause i wouldn’t want to slow them down

14) what’s you all time favorite ship?

gotta go with buddie- these two bastards have given me the most insane brain rot and i love them for it

15) what’s a wip you want to finish but you doubt you ever will?

god i have too many…probably the roommates fic i had from like a year ago

basically bucks apartment gets flooded so he stays with eddie for a while and then love falling ensues💕 it’s a fic that holds a very dear place in my heart and i would love to finish it one day of i could- but alas i don’t think i will

16) what are your writing strengths?

ooh dialogue! i feel like i can stay true to a characters voice really well!

17) what are you writing weaknesses?

time management😩 i’m SUCH a slow writer so putting out anything takes me forever and i really wish it didn’t lmaoo

18) thoughts on writing dialogue in a different language?

i rarely ever do it unless i genuine think it makes sense for the character/situation which most times it doesn’t call for it

even then if i don’t speak the language i’d avoid doing it unless i knew of a reliable translation that isn’t google just to avoid any problems

19) first fandom you wrote for?

SWAT! a fic called my self-preserving lie it’ll always hold a very dear place in my heart

20) favorite fic you’ve written?

god this is like asking to pic a favorite child…but probably 801.2 miles (between your heart and mine) it feels so honest to the characters to me and i deeply enjoyed writing that one but i have so many i love too

no pressure tagging cause god knows it’s so late where i am- @paranoidbean @eddiebabygirldiaz and anyone who would love to participate!! love y’all and take care!!

[alloftheimaginesblog]

Headcanons for being Dustin Henderson's older sister and dating Eddie Munson...

Dustin's the one who introduces you to Eddie and straight away, you and Eddie start flirting. Dustin regrets his decision of introducing you to each other.

"Henderson, your sister is... woah."

"Don't you dare get any ideas, Munson."

"Too late..."

It's super flirty all the time.

You begin to make any sort of excuse to drop by and see the Hellfire Club though everyone there knows that you're there only for Eddie.

The relationship picks up pretty quickly. You go from flirting to making out in Eddie's DnD chair pretty damn quick.

You don't hide the relationship from Dustin, how could you when Eddie can't stop fucking smiling and talking about you in the Hellfire club? Dustin just warns the two of you that you better keep the PDA away from him.

"You can hold hands but that's it! No kissing, no looking longingly at each other from across the room."

Whenever you start talking sweet about Eddie, Dustin pretends to be sick.

Despite his disgust, Dustin is supportive of yours and Eddie's relationship. He trusts Eddie and he knows that Eddie won't do anything to hurt you. He's supportive and does approve.

Eddie doesn't realise he's in love with you and it takes talking to Dustin about it for him to realise. In truth, it takes Dustin yelling, "Oh holy fuck, you're in love with my sister?!" at him for Eddie to realise he's in love with you.

Eddie will always pick the two of you up and take you to school and will always take you home too. Dustin usually puts his hands over his ears yelling or singing whilst you and Eddie flirt. Sometimes you just flirt to annoy Dustin.

If Dustin ever catches you making out, he'll meltdown into yells and screams whilst covering his eyes in the most dramatic fashion. He'll usually blackmail you into giving him money for the arcade. You think he walks in and catches you on purpose so that you'll have to give him money.

Eddie always goes to Dustin for gift ideas. Eddie likes to run his ideas through Dustin first before he buys them and if they're shit ideas, Dustin will supply some better ideas.

Dustin covers for you when you're sneaking out to meet Eddie. He'll tell your mom that you're out at the library studying or you're helping your friends. He's a very persuasive liar.

"You owe me ten bucks for this, you know."

"Love you Dusty!"

It makes introducing Eddie to your mom a lot easier because Dustin already loves Eddie so the two of you can act as a buffer and talk her into loving Eddie too.

Eddie likes taking you and Dustin for ice cream after school. Him and Dustin have a great friendship, it's not forced, they're both pretty funny together so hanging out the three of you isn't awkward or uncomfortable. Though sometimes Eddie does wish that it could just be the two of you especially when Dustin starts yelling over your murmurs of 'I love you'.

If you or Eddie have a fight, Dustin's the voice of reason for the two of you. He'll make Eddie understand your point and he'll help you to realise that Eddie didn't mean what he'd said in the way you thought. He's a very good mediator because he knows the two of you so well.

You gain a boyfriend and Eddie gains a girlfriend and a little brother.

Although Dustin loves Eddie like an older brother, Eddie knows that if he was to hurt you, Dustin would kill him. Dustin can be scary when he wants to be.

[bisexualbuck]

9. “You don’t remember last night at all, do you?” for Buddie?

[Read on AO3]

.

Eddie wakes up cursing his past self.

Whose idea was it to allow him to drink to the point of such an awful hangover?

His head is killing him, he feels like Woody Woodpecker is trying to pick apart his brain, and his tongue seems to be made of bricks. His eyelids have been glued together, he can barely open them, but surely it must be a blessing in disguise since the light in his room is harsh and unforgivable for such debauchery.

God, the Eddie of yesterday was such an ass. Did he not think of the Eddie of today?

There’s something brushing up against his wrist and no matter how much he tries to swap it away, it’s still there. He grunts, annoyed. His whole body is heavy and gauche and whatever is latched onto him will not let go so easily.

Undeterred, he tries again.

“Whoa there, buddy,” comes Chim’s voice. “Stop trying to get your IV out, please.”

IV? What. He, again, tries to reach for it but this time only to make sure that he really has an IV on his hand, but Chim must not think it that way because he snatches Eddie’s hand.

“What did I just say?”

Eddie struggles to open his eyes only to be greeted by the sight of his friend, exasperated but smiling. Oh, so Eddie did not hallucinate that part.

He also appears to be in an hospital bed.

“Wha’ happened?” he manages to ask with great effort. He is starting to suspect there was no actual drinking involved, but he can’t remember at all what sent him in the hospital again.

“You got knocked down on a call last night, it wasn’t a pretty sight but you’re in the clear now. You’re as good as new.”

“Sure doesn’t feel like it,” Eddie grumbles, but he is feeling a bit better. His head is still hurting him but the headache is dissipating somewhat.

Chim offer him some water which Eddie takes with a grateful smile, feeling more human as soon as he’ downed it.

“How long have I been out?” he asks.

“Not that long.” He pauses. “You were awake a while.”

Eddie doesn’t notice Chim’s tone. Perhaps if he had been more awake, he would have picked on it and would have realized there was something his friend wasn’t saying. But as it is, Eddie’s still feeling like he’s been some mad dog’s chew toy.

He’s too busy raking his brain, trying to recall what caused his newest hospital visit, and he’s about to give up and ask Chimney when Chimney speaks up again.

“You really don’t remember anything at all about yesterday, huh?” he asks, and this time even Eddie can pick on his tone.

“Not really, no. Why? Did something happen?”

Chim chuckles, “Yeah, I’d say.”

Eddie can feel his heart drop in his chest. He doesn’t like the sound of this, but Chim continue before he can freak out.

“Look, are you sure you want to even hear it? Ignorance is bliss and all that. And in all honesty, I don’t think I can tell you without making fun of you so if you want, we can wait for Hen– or Bobby. I’m pretty sure Hen will also make fun of you a little bit.”

Chim appears to be having the time of his life. His eyes are twinkling with mirth, obviously taking a lot of pleasure in this. Eddie is tired of the game, he’d just just like some answers now. Enough mystery.

“Just tell me already. What the hell happened yesterday? Did I do something?”

“Well, alright,” he replies, barely holding his amusement. “So you got knocked out, alright, and you got a concussion obviously, and well – it made you a bit talkative.”

Oh no.

“Chim. Chim, what did I say?”

“Not bad stuff really, you were in a cheery mood considering you were bleeding buckets. You kept saying how much you love us and we’re your family and how you’d die for us, which please, abstain, thanks.”

Eddie groans. Alright, this isn’t too bad. He’s in for some good-humored teasing from his teammates but he can handle that.

“And then,” Chim continues before pausing, clearly for a dramatic effect that Eddie has no time for.

“And then what?”

“Well then you saw Buck.”

Oh no.

“Oh no,” he says out loud.

“Oh yes,” Chim laughs.

Eddiewants to disappear. He’s almost afraid to ask but Eddie Diaz isn’t known to back down from anything ever. Even if that means total humiliation by a close friend.

“What did I say.”

“You know, nothing unusual really. Just a comment or two about how blue his eyes are. What else did you say, let me think. Oh yes, you did say a couple times that you really liked his arms. Like really. In fact, you really insisted on that. You said that you really wanted him to hold you in his, I quote, ‘big strong arms’.”

Jesus Christ.

He collapses on his bed. Perhaps he can just fake total amnesia. Ah, there’s an idea, that way he never has to face the consequences of his little ramblings.

“Anything else?” he mutters.

“You asked for Bobby to walk you down the aisle.”

Eddie straightens up, his eyes shooting dagger at Chim.

“I did not.”

“You sure did,” Chim exclaims with glee. “Bobby said yes, by the way.”

Great, Eddie can never face his captain or his best friend ever again. This is great. Absolutely wonderful.

Delighted by Eddie’s dejected face, Chim bursts out into giggles. Meanwhile, Eddie is still trying to disappear into his mattress, but it’s nice to know at least one of them is having a good time at Eddie’s life crumbling down.

Yes, alright, he is being a bit dramatic and he’ll be fine, even when Buck gently lets him down. Right now however, he just wants to wallow in his misery for a bit.

“Okay, I’m good,” Chim says, finally calmed down from laughing so hard he cried. “I just had to let it out, you know how it is.”

Eddie’s only answer is a dirty look.

For a while, they don’t say anything. Eddie is still tired from the concussion and he’s also considering how he’s going to proceed going forward, since he really can’t avoid Bobby and Buck forever. He supposes Chim is just trying to hold back laughter.

“Hey.”

Eddie looks up. To his surprise, Chim is no longer laughing. He’s quite serious even, and his eyes are kind – not that they were ever cruel, Chim likes to tease but he never mocks.

“There’s something else you said. You told Buck you were in love with him.”

Eddie sighs, “Of course I did.”

Exhaustion washes over him. He never meant to confess to Buck, and had it not been fore his concussion betraying him, he never would have. He loves Buck, God does he love Buck. And sometimes their eyes meet and all that Eddie can feel is belonging and peace and home, and his soul sings with it.

Sometimes their eyes meet and Eddie could swear Buck loves him too.

He never meant to risk their friendship, because Buck doesn’t only belong to him. Buck is Christopher’s friend too and Eddie will not make Christopher lose anyone else ever again if he can help it.

Even if Eddie knows that Buck would never leave Christopher, he can’t risk it.

Eddie’s heart has been broken too many times to offer itself to the hammer once again.

“It’s going to be okay, man,” Chim says, voice soft. “You know Buck loves you too, right?”

“Does he really?”

“He really does,” says Buck from the doorway.

Eddie’s head snaps to look at his best friend, standing there, bright blue eyes fixed on him. There’s no accusation there, no anger, nothing but warmth.

“And that’s my cue to go,” Chim chimes in.

Neither Eddie or Buck really hear him or even acknowledge his leaving, too busy they are at staring at each other.

Heart beating loud in his ears, all he can see is the blue of Buck’s eyes, the world is drowned out, the only ones left are Eddie and Buck and the words they’re not saying just yet. All there is too is the realization of what’s about to change.

Buck does. Buck loves him.

It’s going to be fine.

For once, Eddie gets to have it all.

“I do,” Buck says, gentle as a seaside breeze. “I love you.”

And what else can Eddie do but smile?

“I love you,” he says.

And, oh, things can be that easy for him. He doesn’t have to fight for them, he doesn’t have to earn it, and he doesn’t have to apologize for it either.

He loves and he’s loved, and that’s all there is.

And he was right too,Buck’s arms are perfect to hold him, and the concussion is but an afterthought. He’s thankful for it even since it brought him this.

“Wait,” Buck says later, when they’re done signing the papers for Eddie’s hospital release. “Is Bobby going to walk both us down the aisle at the same time? Because I was going to ask him to walk me down the aisle.”

Unrestrained, Eddie laughs.

It’s such a beautiful thing to be loved and to love in return.

[tripleaxeldiaz]

sing me something brave from your mouth

based on this post

read on ao3

Eddie’s losing his mind. That’s the only explanation for the way his brain has been working lately.

And by “working”, he means not working. At all.

His default is generally stoic, quiet. If he doesn’t have anything to say, nice or otherwise, he doesn’t say anything at all. And if he does have something to say, it’s articulate. Thought out. Words carefully chosen so that his point is direct and clear. People may think it’s because he doesn’t have much to say, but it’s really because he’s had too many people in his life twist his words to be something they’re not, and this has become his defense. He does have things to say, he’s just careful.

Usually.

The issue now, however, is that he has too much to say, too many things he’s been holding in for too long, and his brain has no idea what to do with all this information. He doesn’t have the storage space to keep it buttoned up like normal, waiting for at least a once over before he speaks. So now his words come tumbling out, unfiltered, unedited, raw and real.

And never, ever, at the right time.

“Maybe you should go home first” wasn’t supposed to come out at all. In the end, he’s glad it did, but that wasn’t the plan. He was going to be gentle, considerate, account for the fact that none of this was actually Ana’s fault. Thank her for being so good with Chris and hoping they could stay on good terms. But he did say it, and she had some choice words of her own, and then she was gone, leaving behind nothing but leftovers and a lingering pain in Eddie’s chest. He’d hoped that was that, that the panic would subside for good and he could get back to living, that his brain would settle down and lock everything back up, restart the filtering process that Eddie had spent so many years perfecting.

Apparently, a little peace and normalcy was too much to ask for.

It’s three weeks later, after Maddie left, after Chimney left and came back, after Buck and Chimney hugged and made up as only brothers (blood or otherwise) can. They’re all three at the apartment on their day off, to see Jee-yun and keep Chim company and help him clean out his fridge so he can get rid of “the smell of death and decay that has taken over since I’ve been gone”. Eddie stands dutifully next to the fridge, trash bag open, as Chim dumps container after container of leftovers out, each smelling more foul than the last.

“Jesus, Chim, you didn’t think to do this before you left?” Buck chirps from the barstool at the island. He’s got a babbling Jee in his lap and a cut up banana in front of him that he’s determined to get her to enjoy. 

Chim glares at him, no real heat behind it. “I was a little preoccupied.” Buck nods in fairness, wincing a bit as he turns back to Jee, another slice of banana in his hand.

“Are you sure you don’t want it?” he asks. “It’s really good, see?” He takes an exaggerated chomp, makes a show of chewing and swallowing, sending Jee into peals of giggles that fill up the whole house, brightening it and making everything warmer. His smile matches hers, and Eddie feels a soft fondness rush through him, the same one he feels when he watches Buck do anything with Chris.

“You’re going to be a really great dad.” It’s not a new thought — he’s had the same one in passing more times than he can count over the course of knowing Buck — but it takes Eddie about five seconds to realize that he said it out loud.

Luckily, it doesn’t rock Buck’s world as much as it does Eddie’s. He just smiles that bashful smile of his and says, “Well, I’ve had some pretty good teachers.”

“Thank you, Buck, glad my parenting wisdom has had such an effect on you,” Chim says, voice carrying from where he’s chest deep in the fridge. Buck sticks his tongue out at his back and turns back to Jee, who’s smile quickly melts away as she starts crying.

Chim emerges and sighs. “She probably needs to be changed.”

“I got it,” Buck waves him off, scooping Jee up and heading to the bedroom. “You probably have biohazard material on your hands anyway.” 

Eddie stares after them, smiling at Buck’s soft murmurs that quiet Jee’s cries and transform them back into laughter. That fondness is still curling around his chest, making itself at home, until he feels something land in the bag in his hands with a heavy squelch, startling him back to reality and leaving him chilled. He whips his head back, and Chim is giving him a look that’s half smug and half exasperated.

“What?” Eddie asks. 

“Nothing,” Chim says, shaking his head and turning towards the sink. “Just remembering the times when I used to think you were smooth. Clearly things have changed.”

Eddie whips a stray paper towel at his head and curses himself for blushing.

~~~~~~~~~~

It continues. Actually, Eddie thinks it might be getting worse.

“How did you know you were in love with Karen?”

Hen looks at him sideways from the driver’s seat, eyebrow arched. They’ve been working well together on the days when Chim is off taking care of Jee, but they haven’t crossed the threshold into “intimate life talks in the ambulance” just yet. And, like every other time this has happened, he didn’t mean to ask her that. But ever since the parade call, he’s been thinking about those girls, about Cassie, who’s first thought when she came back to consciousness was her best friend, who she clearly cared about more than herself, and—

He wonders. And the thought clawed its way out of him before he could tame it into something normal and nonchalant yet again.

Hen’s quiet for a minute, staring at the road, thinking, and Eddie tries his best not to fidget or take back the whole question.

She looks over at him again, finally, eyes softer this time. “Did you know I met her when she was supposed to be on a blind date with someone else?”

“Really?”

Her smile goes a little dreamy. “She thought she got stood up, but she was just in the wrong bar. I saw her sitting alone, offered to keep her company. We ended up shutting that place down and another one too.”

“So you knew on your first date?”

Hen shakes her head. “I just knew she was special. It felt like the universe brought us together for a reason and I wanted to see what that reason was. I got her number and we texted all the time, met up for dinners and drinks, and the conversations just kept going. They’re still going, honestly. Eventually she became the only person that I wanted to see after a shift, the only person I wanted to spend all my free time with.”

Eddie nods, swallows his anxiety back down into his stomach where he keeps it locked away. He knows that feeling. He knows wanting to see only one face after a good shift or a bad shift or even a boring shift. He knows what it’s like to not be able to see that face, how it gnaws at you, grates your nerves, flays you open until you get back to that person and you feel your lungs fill up again. But there’s a difference between knowing and having — knowing is personal, something you can control, that isn’t left up to fate or the universe or whatever powers control the trajectory of life. To get to have something, you have to give up that control, and the decision of who gets it is completely out of your hands. It could be beautiful, everything you’ve ever wanted, or it could shatter your heart more than you ever thought possible.

Eddie’s struggling enough with not being able to control his own damn mouth at the moment. He’s not sure he’d survive giving up any more, no matter how much he wants to.

And so he asks, “Weren’t you scared? Of messing up whatever special thing you thought you guys had?”

They pull into the station and Hen kills the engine, turning towards Eddie fully. Her look is gentle and knowing, and it takes every ounce of Eddie’s willpower to not run inside and hope she forgets this whole conversation.

“No,” she says. “I was more scared of losing her to someone else because I didn’t try and give her everything she deserved.”

Eddie finally looks away then because yeah, he knows that feeling too.

There’s a knock on the passenger window that makes them both almost hit the ceiling. It’s Buck (because of course it is), his hands held up in apology. “Just making sure you guys were coming in for lunch.”

“We’ll be right there, Buckaroo,” Hen says. “Save me a plate?”

“Already done. There’s one for you too, Eds.” He drums his hands against the door and winks before skipping away. Eddie tries to keep his face in check, but he has a feeling it’s edging toward the same dreamy look Hen was sporting earlier.

There’s snort from beside him, and he knows he’s right.

He clears his throat and looks back at her again. “Thanks Hen. That was...helpful.”

She grabs his forearm, squeezing lightly. “Be brave, Edmundo. It’ll turn out better than you think.”

He smiles and nods one more time before he hops out of the ambulance. Hen was helpful — he certainly feels a little less alone in these feelings he’s trying not to drown in — but fear is still settled deep under his skin at the thought of laying himself out there like that, of taking that leap, of letting go.

He wants to be brave. He knows he can be brave. But being brave, especially being brave like that, is a lot easier said than done.

~~~~~~~~~~

He’s trying to take Buck. A man is pulling Buck into the hospital to hold him hostage and Eddie’s brain is firing on all cylinders and there’s no time to think or plan or breathe because he’s trying to take Buck—

“Take me.”

The man stops, arm still wrapped around Buck’s throat. Buck’s eyes are wide, panicked, and Eddie has a feeling it’s not just because he’s running out of oxygen. But while he didn’t necessarily think he’d resort to offering himself up as a sacrifice, a panicked and desperate brain is a truthful one, and this is a truth he knows down to his atoms.

He’s trying to take Buck. He’s trying to hurt Buck. Eddie will do anything and everything in his power to prevent that.

“Eddie—”

“Leave him. Take me instead.”

For the first time in months, he doesn’t curse his unpolished words. There’s a pause, a moment of stillness in the chaos, and the man shrugs, dropping his arm and shoving Buck forward before grabbing Eddie roughly by the bicep.

“Whatever, I only need one of you.”

Eddie has just enough time to look back and catch the devastation in Buck’s eyes before the door slams shut behind him.

It’s okay. He’ll be fine. Buck will make sure of it. They always have each other’s backs.

The waiting is the worst part. The man is not the best captor — the rope he tied around Eddie’s hands has already come loose — but he’s been negotiating with the police for the better part of an hour, and Eddie’s getting restless. Is Buck okay? The guy (unsuccessfully) tried to knock him out with his gun and left a pretty bad gash. Did he get it looked at? Or, more likely, is he ignoring it, trying to stay in the action, stay close to the people who are trying to get Eddie out? He’s itching, buzzing, but not for fear of his own safety. He needs to see Buck, needs to touch him, needs to know for sure that he’s out of harm’s way, he needs he needs he needs— 

There’s shouting and loud footsteps, and the door opens with a slam. SWAT pours in, detains the guy, and helps Eddie off the ground and out the door. It’s chaos, more shouting and flashing lights and more people than there were when he went inside. But none of that matters, no one else matters as Eddie frantically searches the crowd for familiar curls. 

“Buck!”

He hears him before he sees him, voice louder than any gunshot or siren.

“Eddie! Eddie!”

Relief hits him so hard he almost falls over.

He doesn’t realize he’s running — sprinting — until they crash into each other. Eddie flings his arms around Buck’s shoulder and buries his face in his neck and he breathes.

“Jesus Christ, Eds,” Buck says into his hair, voice cracking. “What the hell were you thinking?”

That’s the thing, though — he wasn’t thinking. Protecting Buck, keeping him safe, that was all instinct. That’s not something he’s ever had to think about, even when his brain was cooperating with him. 

He pulls back, just enough to see Buck’s face, clocking the angry, red cut on his forehead. His fingers ghost over it before his hand settles on the side of Buck’s head. “Are you okay?”

Buck leans into his touch and nods. “Yeah, it’s— it’s superficial, looks worse than it is.” His eyes are shining as they move over Eddie’s face, down his arms and chest, so intense Eddie swears he can feel everywhere they land. “Are you okay?”

By all accounts, no, he’s not. He’s exhausted, his nerves are fried, he wants to go home and sleep off the emotional hangover he’s sure is coming.

But still — he’s with Buck. They’re alive, and they’re together.

“Yeah. I’m okay now.”

Buck’s smile is wet and fond, an eternal bright spot. Eddie tucks his face back into his neck and keeps breathing.

~~~~~~~~~~

He knew it was coming, had been bracing himself for it for months, but he hadn’t expected it to be so quiet.

It makes sense, when he thinks about it. The way he feels about Buck is louder than almost anything he’s ever known — combine that with his love for his son, and it’s a cacophony of emotions constantly running through him, loud enough to keep the demons at bay. And while part of him wants to sing it from the rooftops, let anyone and everyone know how much this man means to him, a bigger part thinks that something like this is too important to blast at full volume. His feelings aren’t for everyone — he doesn’t want them to be — so it shouldn’t be a rock concert, loud enough to break windows and shake foundations. It should melt into the background, like a vinyl record on a rainy day, lingering long after the needle stops, not soon forgotten. 

So, it makes sense that it’s quiet, just for the two of them.  It makes sense that despite the enormity of his feelings, despite the lawlessness he’s been embracing recently, this moment is small and intimate because it matters.

That doesn’t mean he does it with any kind of finesse. 

It’s quiet on the balcony, the shimmering lights of LA laid out below them. Chris is asleep on the couch inside, knocked out halfway through their second movie, and the two of them are facing each other on the bench just outside the window, beer bottles between them, talking quietly. Buck is in the middle of a rundown of a documentary about a cult he just finished (“They branded these women Eddie, how fucked up is that?”), and Eddie wants to live in this bubble of warmth and peace forever. The way Buck’s voice washes over him, protecting him from the dark whispers that tend to trickle into his head in quiet moments like this. The way their ankles are crossed where they hang off the front of the couch. The way Buck keeps glancing at Chris through the window when he shifts in his sleep, making sure he’s safe.

It’s everything Eddie never knew he wanted, everything he never thought he could have. He’s relaxed and happy, so the thought slips out of him without a fight.

“God, I’m so in love with you.” He says it on an exhale, almost a whisper, almost lost in the breeze, but Buck freezes mid sentence, so he knows he hears it.

And Eddie could freak out — he could backtrack and blame it on the beer and laugh it off, and he knows Buck would roll with it. He could hold on to the last bit of control he has over his feelings, keep them far from the edge he’s just accidentally thrown himself over. But even though it was unplanned, even though he’s giving everything up to the whims of fate now, it’s also the truth. A foundational truth, one that’s worked its way into the very fiber of his being. He doesn’t want Buck to not know that anymore.

He waits as Buck processes, not taking it back, not asking for an answer. If he doesn’t get one tonight, that’s fine — he’ll wait as long as Buck needs, even if it ends up being a gentle letdown. 

The sweet syrupiness he’s feeling must not be his alone, because when Buck starts moving, it feels like the slowest of slow motions. He moves the beer bottles to the table in front of them, out of harm’s way, before maneuvering the two of them until he’s in Eddie’s lap, straddling his thighs, looking at him like he just told him every star in the sky now had his name etched into it. Eddie’s hands automatically come up to hold Buck’s waist, and he feels his breath hitch at how right it feels, how perfectly his body fits with Buck’s. Buck’s own hands come up, one on Eddie’s shoulder and one on his cheek, and Eddie’s helpless but to lean into the touch, reveling in the warmth and rightness of it all. 

Even leaning in Buck goes slow, like he’s afraid to spook Eddie, to break this moment they’ve created, but as soon as their lips touch, Eddie deepens it — he lets himself take for once, lets himself be greedy, and it’s everything. He holds Buck tighter, gets lost in the kiss and the feel of Buck’s smile against his, and he thinks that if this is what giving up control is like, he could absolutely get used to it. He’ll do or say pretty much anything if it means having moments like this for the rest of his life.

The kiss gets cut short when their smiles get too big, but Eddie’s still breathless and Buck’s cheeks are still flushed the most beautiful pink he’s ever seen. Buck moves his hands to the base of Eddie’s skull, running his fingers through short hair, caressing him, and Eddie’s glad Buck’s in his lap because he’s pretty sure he’s about to float away.

“I love you too,” Buck whispers, tracing his nose along Eddie’s. “So much, and for a while, I think. I just— I didn’t want to—” Eddie cuts him off with a kiss, soft and sweet, because he gets it, probably better than anyone. It’s hard to take risks with the people you can’t lose.

They don’t move for a while, trading kisses and whispers, getting used to this new but familiar connection they’ve created. Even when they get up, driven inside by the late hour and the chilling breeze, it takes them a minute because they can’t stop touching each other.

Eddie finally slides the door shut quietly behind him, turns to Buck who looks equal parts hopeful and nervous. “You’re staying, right?” he asks. “Both of you?”

Nothing in the world — no filter or wall or insecurity — could prevent him from tangling his fingers with Buck’s and saying, “Yes. Always.”

There’s nowhere else he’d rather be.

[hmslusitania]

Paint it Black

@evanbucxley @arrenemris you guys wanted petty, jealous Eddie stuck in an elevator with Taylor during the blackout, right?

Eddie Diaz has been involved in his share of awkward dinners.

This one takes the cake though. It starts with him showing up at Buck’s loft by himself, and Buck opening the door with that stupid puppy-dog confused tilt to his head that makes Eddie want to do something drastic.

“Where’s Ana?” he asks.

“We broke up,” Eddie says. “Figured it would be weird to invite her to dinner after that.”

“Oh, I didn’t know,” Buck says, which yeah, Eddie knows because Eddie hadn’t told him yet. “I’m sorry, man.”

Which makes…one of them.

The night gets worse when Taylor shows up with her latest story of her investigation into – Eddie misses the details, but he’s discovered that Taylor’s voice somehow is at the exact right pitch that he can’t quite hear it most of the time. Weird how that works.

Buck, bless his fucking heart, feels none of the tension in the loft. Or if he does, he doesn’t react to it. He stays chipper and upbeat and positive and doesn’t comment when Eddie and Taylor trip over each other to help him with making dinner or pouring drinks or to sit beside him on the couch while the food cooks.

But, like, the spot on the couch beside Buck is Eddie’s spot, and if it’s not Eddie’s it’s Christopher’s.

And Eddie…loses the fight.

Taylor’s tiny, and for just half a second, he entertains the utterly absurd idea of just picking her up and moving her, but it flits out of his head almost as soon as it arrives. It’s quickly followed by an unfortunate realisation that it must be easy as anything for Buck to just pick her up and move her when – which is then immediately erased by the second-hand memory he acquired from Captain Mehta that Buck had been able to just pick Eddie up and toss him into the engine like he was a sack of potatoes – which –

He’s saved when dinner is ready, but he feels Taylor’s eyes on him the whole way through the meal.

Annoyingly, they end up leaving at the same time. Buck and Eddie have a shift in the morning, and Taylor has a story to cut before some deadline or other. Eddie would rather not walk out with her, would rather not share the elevator with her – he briefly considers legging it for the stairs but they’re at the other end of Buck’s floor and the elevator is right there and it would be absolutely blatant what he was doing – but if the alternative is knowing she’s staying the night at Buck’s, he’ll deal with the elevator.

They’re both quiet while the doors slide open, the soft whisper of the brushed stainless-steel brushing against the dust guards the only sound besides the simmering mutual animosity between them. They step into the elevator, which smells vaguely of Pinesol, and Taylor presses the button for the ground floor with a shiny lacquered red nail.

The doors close again and the shimmering, irritable silence fills the space. No elevator music in Buck’s building, which is probably for the best.

“So,” Taylor says as the world’s slowest elevator descends. “Is it personal or are you just jealous?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Eddie says. The elevator has faux wood panelling, not mirrors, so he can’t tell if she’s looking at him or if she’s staring straight ahead like he is.

“You either hate me on a personal level, because I’m me or something,” she says. “Or you hate me because you’re in love with Buck.”

Eddie gets as far as a spluttered, indignant, “I am not in love with—”

And then the elevator lurches. Stops. The lights flicker and then die. The emergency lights do not kick on.

“Well that’s comforting,” Taylor says, dry.

Eddie pulls out his phone. Usually, it’s still connected to Buck’s wifi by the elevator, and the connection’s gone. So it isn’t just the elevator.

“There’s a button in here that calls the fire department, right?” Taylor asks, pulling out her own phone and shining it at the elevator panel. She presses the button that should connect them directly to the department, and nothing happens.

“Depending on how wide the power outage is, it might have knocked out dispatch,” Eddie says.

“Great,” Taylor says. “You’re a firefighter, you can get the doors open, right?”

“With a Halligan and a fully functional shoulder?” Eddie asks. “Sure.”

She huffs. “Do you think it’s just this building or wider?”

“How would I know?” Eddie asks.

“So helpful, thank you.”

“What do you want me to do, Taylor? Use my magical powers of divination to figure out if we’re in a building-wide, block-wide, city-wide, county-wide blackout?” Eddie snaps.

He can’t see her face in the shitty half-light of their respective phone screens, but he hears her roll her eyes.

“It’s because you’re in love with him, right?” she asks.

“For fuck’s sake, Taylor, I’m not in love with—”

“Because he’s in love with you,” she interrupts as though he hasn’t spoken. Eddie’s heart stops. “It’s weird, I’ve never really had to vie for someone’s affections before. I can’t say I’m a fan, but, see, he thinks you aren’t an option.”

“He told you this?” Eddie asks and hopes to God his voice sounds normal because it does not feel like it.

Taylor snorts. “He didn’t have to. Do you guys have any idea what you’re like when you’re around each other? It’s obvious to anyone who even meets you in passing, and I know both of you and have a journalism degree. It’s not difficult math.”

“Then why are you dating him?” Eddie asks, swallowing back the lump that’s just jumped into his throat that feels suspiciously like his heart.

“Because I like him,” Taylor says. “And because I like a challenge.”

Before Eddie can say anything rude about Buck being worth more than a challenge to someone, she sighs.

“I’d say you’re going to have to fight me for him, but it’s not going to be much of a competition,” she says.

“You really think my chances are that bad?” Eddie asks and he hates how sad he sounds, even to his own ears.

Taylor doesn’t get a chance to answer before Eddie’s phone lights up with a picture of Buck and Chris together and Buck’s name in bright letters. In the sudden illumination, he sees the annoyed, resigned expression on her face.

“That answer your question?” she replies, and Eddie answers the phone.

“Hey, did you make it out or are you stuck in the elevator?” Buck asks.

“We’re stuck in the elevator,” Eddie says. “No idea what floor. Maybe three?”

“Cool, don’t go anywhere,” Buck replies and hangs up before Eddie can ask where, exactly, they might go.

An awkward silence hangs in the elevator in the wake of the phone call.

Until, finally, Taylor says, “For what it’s worth, if I had to lose to someone, at least you’re as pretty as I am.”

Eddie is still searching for some kind of response to that – coming up absolutely blank – when the elevator doors slide open. Buck, illuminated by a headlamp, waves at them and pockets his keys.

“You have an elevator key?” Taylor asks while Buck pulls her out.

“Fire marshals and captains get ’em,” Buck says. “They’re standard across production lines.”

“Fire marshals have to give them back,” Eddie points out.

“Eh, when I was a probie, we got an elevator rescue and Bobby told me to go open the doors, and so I stood there trying to pry them open for like five minutes before he walked up to the elevator panel and unlocked them with his key,” Buck says. “Chim and Hen laughed at me for about a month every time we got near an elevator. So when I did my turn as fire marshal, I may have made a copy.”

“Of course you did,” Eddie says. He rolls his eyes and is grateful for the darkness so Buck can’t see exactly how fond he must look.

Taylor catches him, though, and for a tense second, Eddie thinks she’s going to say something about it. But Taylor Kelly is a lot of things, but “quitter” isn’t one of them. It might not be a fair fight, and the outcome might be rigged in Eddie’s favour, but he understands then that she’s going to make him fight for it. Fight for Buck.

No worthier fight, really.

“We should check in, see if they want us on shift early,” Buck says, already pulling his phone out to text or call Bobby.

“And I should go investigate,” Taylor says. “I’m sure my station is missing me.”

“Okay,” Buck says. “Do you want my headlamp for the stairs?”

“I’ve got it, but, thank you,” Taylor says. She stretches on her toes to kiss him goodbye – much more thoroughly than she had when they left Buck’s apartment. She arches an eyebrow at Eddie once she’s let go of Buck and Eddie narrows his eyes right back. “See you boys later.”

She flips on the flashlight on her phone and waltzes off to the stairs.

“We should tell all my neighbours to stay inside,” Buck says.

“Sounds like a plan,” Eddie says, shooting a text to his abuela and Chris to ask them to do the same. He doesn’t know yet if the blackout’s reached their neighbourhood, but it’s a better policy.

“So what did you and Taylor talk about while you were in the elevator together?” Buck asks in between knocking on his neighbours’ doors to announce LAFD please remain inside your homes.

“We, uh, came to an understanding,” Eddie says.

“Oh! Good,” Buck says. He pauses. “What about?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Eddie recommends. He nudges Buck with his shoulder and gets a grin in response. “Let’s check in with Bobby and see if they need us or if they recommend we just stay inside and stay safe, too.”

“No one I’d rather weather a lockdown with,” Buck replies, as if the second she stepped into the stairwell, Taylor also disappeared from his head. “Well, except maybe Christopher.”

Eddie laughs, and thinks in Taylor’s direction, may the best person win.

[extasiswings]

“I felt it shelter to speak to you.” for Buddie

This was...not supposed to be this long but all the recent promo content has been...inspiring. Anyway...on ao3 here.

The first attack happens on a Saturday afternoon.

There’s nothing special about the day, nothing strange. Christopher is at a friend’s birthday party, Buck is off somewhere with Taylor, and Eddie is grocery shopping before he’s meant to meet Ana for an early dinner.

His shoulder aches a little—that’s what he notices first—but that’s not too unusual. It happens sometimes. Even as physical therapy has helped him regain strength and mobility in his arm and shoulder, a high caliber sniper round ripping through his upper chest is no minor injury. Plus, while he’s hardly ancient, he’s not even as young as he was when he was shot the first time, and those bullets left behind their own patches of scar tissue and occasional twinges.

So. His shoulder aches. It’s fine. He ignores it and moves on. Goes through the store, checks out, put his bags in the backseat—

There’s a glare off a window in the apartment building across the street.

Eddie reaches for the handle of his door.

Suddenly, his fingers start tingling, uncomfortable pricks of icy numbness traveling up his hands like they’ve fallen asleep, but shaking them out doesn’t help. And then, without warning, pain lances through his chest, sharp and acute, and he can’t breathe properly, as if his torso has been trapped in a vise that’s slowly tightening more and more.

His vision swims. He sways on his feet, grasping at the door handle with clumsy, numb fingers to keep himself upright.

He feels like—he feels—

He feels like he’s dying. It strikes him with sudden clarity. He’s dying. Dying in a random parking lot—he always assumed he was too young to have a heart attack but the symptoms fit and he’s just—

He can’t. He can’t die. Not when he’s survived everything else. This can’t be—

“Sir?” There’s a woman with a station wagon parked in the space next to his truck and she’s looking at him with no small amount of concern. “Are you okay?”

Eddie’s mouth is so dry and his breathing so irregular that it takes him a moment to respond.

“I—I think I need to go to the hospital,” he grits out as another wave of dizziness threatens to send him to his knees.

She calls 911. Eddie spares a moment to be grateful that the paramedics who show up a few minutes later aren’t from the 118.

As it turns out, he’s not dying. And he didn’t have a heart attack.

“A panic attack?” Eddie’s voice is distant to his own ears as he stares at the ER doctor in disbelief, his stomach flipping with a new kind of dread. “Are you sure?”

“Your symptoms resolved on their own and your EKG is normal, Mr. Diaz,” she replies as she flicks through the screens of his chart on her tablet. “And nothing in your prior history or other recent tests indicates that there’s anything physically wrong with you—you were healthy before you were shot and your recovery has progressed smoothly up to this point.”

She pauses and looks back at him. “Have you...spoken to a therapist? I noticed that your treating physician made a referral for counseling when you were originally discharged, but…”

Eddie clears his throat roughly. “Yeah, no, I, uh...with the PT schedule and everything else going on, I never followed up with that. But I’ve been fine. It never seemed necessary.”

“With all due respect, Mr. Diaz,” the doctor says, “you’re in the emergency room because of an acute stress response in which your brain tricked your body into believing you were in danger to such an extent that you thought you were dying. I’m not sure you’re as fine as you think.”

There’s probably some truth to that. Eddie can admit that much. But that doesn’t mean he needs—he’s been shot before. He’s been in a warzone. He didn’t need therapy to move forward from it then and he shouldn’t now. He can—he can handle this. He can make himself get over it.

He’s already spent months leaning heavily on everyone around him. The thought of not being okay, of asking for more help when he’s finally easing back into working, when things are finally getting back to normal, when they all have their own issues to focus on—

God, it makes him want to throw up.

So...no. He’s okay. Because not being okay isn’t an option.

He’s fine. The panic attack was...a fluke.

“I appreciate the advice,” Eddie says finally. “I’ll think about it.”

He can tell the doctor doesn’t believe him when her lips thin.

“You know, more likely than not, the panic attacks will keep happening if you do nothing,” she points out. “Ignoring this won’t make it go away.”

“I understand,” Eddie replies. “If that’s all, does that mean I can get out of here?”

The doctor sighs. “Sure.”

Eddie’s phone rings while he’s in an Uber on the way back to his truck. It’s Ana.

He swears under his breath as he sees the time—he hadn’t called anyone, hadn’t wanted the hospital to call anyone either, but that means he’s now late for a date that he doesn’t really want to keep after everything and further doesn’t leave him with any good excuses for his absence except the truth which...he doesn’t really want to admit.

Before the shooting, Carla told him to make sure he was following his heart. And he’s been too exhausted and focused on his recovery to really think too hard about that. But now—

For a moment, Eddie considers it. Telling Ana the truth. Showing her some of the dark, messy, ugly pieces of himself. Being vulnerable.

The very idea makes him recoil. Not because he thinks she would run away necessarily, but because he just...can’t.

He can’t. Not with her.

And if he’s that uncomfortable with the idea of letting in someone he’s been dating for over half a year, if he can’t imagine himself ever actually being comfortable with that...then what the hell is he doing?

He calls her back when he gets to his truck.

“Hey—I’m so sorry, I had a little emergency—yeah, everything’s fine now, but I’m not sure I’m up for going out. Can I meet you at your place? ...okay, great. See you soon.”

He may know even less about ending a relationship than he does about dating in general, but he figures he at least owes it to her to end things in person.

*

Eddie goes to work on Monday feeling fine. Great, even. He sleeps well the night before, he gets Christopher off to school on time, traffic is light enough that he gets to the station early—

Everything is fine. By all accounts it should be a good day.

At least, that’s what he thinks right up until all of them get different emergency alerts sent to their phones and they find out the city’s systems have been hacked. From that point forward, everything is chaos. Damage control. Twenty-car pile-ups because stoplights are being messed with, an outbreak of animals from the zoo when the electric locks on their enclosures released—

Eddie’s fine though. He’s fine. It’s nothing he can’t handle—in fact, he’s usually great with chaos. He’s focused and sure and capable. Nothing else matters but the work, certainly not himself. When he’s busy, he has no time to think about anything else.

The gradually worsening tension in his shoulders can be ignored. The way he has to clench his hands into fists to keep them from shaking in a way he hasn’t had to do since his earliest days in Afghanistan can be brushed off. He doesn’t have time to think about anything but the jobs in front of him, which means he doesn’t have time to think about his own state.

Brush it off, pick yourself up, keep moving forward. That’s what he knows, that’s what he can do.

Except, then they end up at the hospital and—

A medevac helicopter falls off the roof. Bobby nearly joins it. Buck and Eddie barely manage to get him back.

A cold sweat breaks out on Eddie’s brow as Bobby leans heavily against the wall next to the roof access door to catch his breath. His stomach roils. He doesn’t feel fully connected to his own body, caught somehow between present and past, a rooftop in Los Angeles and a desert in Afghanistan.

He breathes in. He tamps down on the rising panic.

Bobby is fine. The helicopter pilots and their patient are fine.

He’s fine. He’s fine.

“Are you okay?”

Eddie jumps at the question, his head whipping around to find the source. Buck’s brow furrows as he holds up his hands.

“Sorry,” Buck says quietly. “Didn’t mean to startle you.”

Eddie swallows hard and shakes his head. “You’re fine, don’t worry about it.”

He glances toward the door. “You know, I think I’m going to head back down,” he says, hoping Buck won’t notice the fact that he hasn’t answered the original question. “I want to make sure the pilots are holding up alright.”

“I can come—” Buck starts to offer, only for Eddie to cut him off.

“Someone should stay with Bobby,” he replies. He forces a smile as Buck’s eyes search his face. “I’ll be fine.”

Buck glances at Bobby, then back to Eddie before he finally nods.

“Okay,” he says. “But here, take the radio. If anything happens—”

“I’ll let you know.”

Eddie makes it down one flight of stairs before he decides to take the elevator the rest of the way down. The numbers on the top of the doors tick down, down, down—

And then, abruptly, the elevator lurches to a halt, throwing Eddie off balance and into the wall as the lights go out, plunging him into total darkness.

His ears ring from the impact.

He’s trapped. Trapped in a metal box in the dark. A box that could easily become a coffin if the emergency stop failed and sent it careening down to crash at the bottom of the elevator shaft.

Eddie’s breathing speeds up against his will. His chest starts to hurt.

Not again, he thinks vaguely. Not here, not now, not again.

But. He can’t move. He can’t breathe. Some distant part of his mind recognizes that what he’s feeling isn’t real, that he just needs to calm down, but he can’t—

He’s going to die. He’s going to—

The radio crackles in his belt.

“Eddie? Eddie! Can you hear me?”

Eddie’s mind latches onto the sound of Buck’s voice like a lifeline in an ocean of distress. It takes him a moment to make his trembling hands work through their numbness, to remind his fingers how to work the buttons, but eventually, he lifts the radio to his mouth.

“I’m here,” he says. His voice shakes. “I’m in the elevator. It’s—I don’t know which floor. Or if I’m between floors. I don’t—”

He shudders. His eyes close, not that it really matters given how dark the space is already.

“It’s okay,” Buck replies. “It’s okay, Eddie, we’ll find you. We’ll get you out, don’t worry.”

“I don’t want to die here.” It slips out of him before he can pull it back. Buck takes a sharp breath on the other end of the line.

“That’s not going to happen,” Buck says firmly, although his own voice seems less steady than usual. “I would never let that happen. I’ve got your back, remember? Always.”

A shudder rips down Eddie’s spine and he slides against the wall to sit on the floor. The walls still feel too restricting, like they’re closing in on him more each moment that he looks away.

The radio crackles again.

“Eddie. What can I do? What do you need?” Buck asks.

I don’t know. I don’t—I can’t—

“Eddie.” The fear and desperation in Buck’s voice cuts through the fog in Eddie’s mind.

He never wants Buck to sound like that.

“Keep talking?” Eddie replies. “I—just keep talking to me. Please?”

Don’t go, is what he really means. Stay with me.

He’s never allowed himself to say those things though. Not during the early days of the pandemic when they were sharing a bed in Buck’s loft. Not after he moved back home with Christopher and the other side of his bed felt too empty for sleep to come easily. And certainly not after he started dating Ana.

During his recovery, he never had to ask Buck for anything really. Buck was always just...there. Even though he was with Taylor, he was still there with Eddie and with Christopher whenever Eddie needed him. Like he knew somehow. Or maybe as if he needed to be there as much as Eddie needed him there.

Eddie hasn’t looked too closely at any of that. He’s not ready to. It’s too much, too complicated, too—too—

Dangerous.

“What do you want to talk about?”

Eddie swallows hard as his head rests against the wall. As he allows the sound of Buck’s voice to wrap around him like armor. Like home. Insulating him against the panic and isolation.

“Anything,” he says quietly. “Just keep talking.”

And Buck does. He talks about everything and nothing, random facts and stories from his past that Eddie hasn’t heard before, he talks and talks and talks until his voice grows hoarse in Eddie’s ear and the pressure on Eddie’s lungs eases.

Eddie exhales shakily and takes a few deep breaths as he continues to listen, as his body shifts from hyper-awareness and panic to wrung out exhaustion. When Buck finally cuts off, it’s because there’s an ugly screech of metal as the elevator doors are pried open, as light filters back in.

Eddie’s legs are unsteady as he gets to his feet. He trips on the edge of the elevator door when he exits—

Buck catches him before he can fall. Because of course he does.

“Thank you,” Eddie breathes into Buck’s shoulder as he finds his balance.

Buck shakes his head. “I promised we’d get you out, didn’t I? Besides, I—I shouldn’t have let you go alone.”

“I decided—”

“I shouldn’t have let you,” Buck repeats, low but insistent. His eyes meet Eddie’s and Eddie swallows hard.

“You weren’t okay. Were you?” Buck asks. And Eddie—

He wants to lie. Part of him does at least.

But he can’t lie to Buck.

Not to Buck.

“No,” he confesses. It’s half a whisper. “No, I wasn’t.”

Buck bites his lip and nods once.

“Okay,” he says. “We’ll figure it out.”

And somehow, Eddie believes him.

[alexandrablake]

wherever you are, i’m almost there

17.1k | ao3

Buck makes a small noise. “Have you tried kissing someone?”

Eddie’s head snaps towards him. “I’m sorry, what?”

“True love’s kiss. It works in, like, all the Disney movies.” He pauses. “And the Hallmark ones.”

Eddie shakes his head. He can’t think of anyone other than Buck he would kiss, and he can’t imagine that would go over well. 

“I can help… if you want.”

or eddie gets stuck in the strangest time loop he has ever heard of

don’t even ask me what this fic is. i do not know what it is other than it is an extremely late @911giftexchange for @adventuresofprettyboyandthekid. it certainly is. something so i hope you enjoy! this was also inspired by this incredible fic by @hmslusitania so please go read that!

1

Eddie wasn't having any of this. None of...whatever this is.

This, of course, being Hen's insistence on having their holiday party directly after their Christmas Eve shift so they all got to see midnight together. Christopher was having fun and was incredibly overjoyed at the chance to stay up past his bedtime, but Eddie was too tired to properly enjoy the party.

It was fun to watch the rest of his team and their families be merry from his spot on the couch, nursing some sort of drink that Karen had pressed into his hand with a grin and desperately trying to keep his eyes from closing.

Maybe waiting until the night before to wrap all of Christopher’s presents wasn’t the best idea. It had him staying up late before a very early shift.

Buck sits on the seat next to Eddie, the couch dipping with the extra weight.

“You okay?” Buck asks, almost a whisper.

Eddie nods and replies at the same volume, “I wrapped all of Chris’ gifts last night and that took forever, so I didn’t really get a lot of sleep.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t do all your gift wrapping so last minute,” Buck offers the sound advice that Eddie had been pondering himself, and Eddie would really truly consider it if there weren’t… outside factors.

“It’s mainly that I don’t know how to wrap. I’m really bad at it, which I know you know because you make fun of me for it all the time.”

Buck laughs gently. “Yeah, you are really bad.”

“You know, normally that’s the point in the conversation where the other person says ‘oh, you aren’t that bad!’ or something.”

Buck laughs again. “Do you need me to validate your poor wrapping skills?” And maybe Eddie feels a little bit like a toddler when he nods, but he was too tired to care. “Aww, it’s okay. You’ll get better one day.”

Eddie shuts his eyes and hides them in the crook of his elbow, trying to block out any of the light. “Thank you.”

“Anytime.”

He looks over at Buck and the Christmas hat he is wearing and the only thought that comes to mind is pretty. Buck was always pretty, but mixed with Eddie’s exhaustion and the holiday atmosphere, Eddie was really seeing it right then.

It takes a great amount of effort, but he moves his head from the back of the couch to Buck’s shoulder, allowing himself one deep breath in. Buck smelled like sandalwood and promises.

“You should wear Christmas hats more often,” he mumbles into Buck’s shirt as his eyes shutter again, only slightly aware of the words coming out of his mouth.

Buck’s breath hitches beneath Eddie’s forehead. “Why’s that?” Buck asks, voice low.

“Just ‘cause.”

He isn’t sure how long Buck sits next to him in silence or how long he is able to keep himself awake, but it can’t be long because there’s a voice murmuring in his ear about laying down and then he’s horizontal and then he’s really out for good.

Christopher was going to flame him for falling asleep so early.

2

An alarm was blaring somewhere around Eddie’s left ear, and it took everything in him to muster the willpower to swing his arm out from under his pillow to shut the alarm off. He must have forgotten to turn his alarm off yesterday, but the bright date glaring at him from his phone screen told an entirely different story.

December 24th. It was Christmas Eve morning again.

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