#edit: im changing the spelling back because there was no mistake + i just like it better

[tworedplants]

Rush Charge Adapter ⚡🔋

Had an idea for another form for Mega Man. Unfortunately, I couldn't just call it "Rush Adapter" because there are three others, hah. This one is supposed to be more lightweight and dog-like, though. I think a fusion with Rush should give him some fun animal qualities while still being practical.

(Text from the image typed below the cut.)

Unlike the Jet or Power adapter, Charge adapter doesn't grant one single special ability like flying or punching stuff really hard. It's an energy boost.

Shoulder pads double as frisbee-weapon, a long range attack to replace his buster (and dogs like frisbees).

The form focuses more on the dog traits than other adapters.

If used at the wrong time, he'll have an exhausting amount of energy. It's good for when he's in a pinch and needs to keep fighting. It's not good for when he's in perfect condition (he'll get zoomies).

[boygiwrites]

Harley D. Dixon 2

An amazing edit inspired by this story! (Cred to Cora_Line99) Harley D. Dixon's Pinterest Board! Harley D. Dixon's Playlist!

📖Chapter List.

Author's Note. Get ready for the first major change in the canon story-line hehe

Please enjoy reading! :)

"You want me to sing tonight, chicken?"

It's way past my bed-time. The sky looks like a giant film of blue cellophane above us, with millions of little white holes poked through. I pick out the shiniest one, 'cause that one's my Momma. Then I realise I gotta pick one out for Uncle Merle, now, too, so I pick the one right next to Momma's and wish him goodnight in my head.

After my Dad dragged all our stuff further into the woods, because we shouldn't sleep next to people we don't trust, we curled up in his camping chair and we haven't moved since. I'm wrapped up in a grubby gray blanket that I think used to be white, 'cause it's all we got, and I'm wearing two pairs of socks plus my Dad's jacket but it's still cold. I feel like a baby joey in a Momma kangaroo's pouch. Through the trees, I can see the main camp's fires all glittering like tiny orange fireflies and I can hear 'em all laughing. I think they're celebrating. Me and my Dad — We're mourning.

Tomorrow, they're heading back to the city to look for my Uncle Merle, even though we all know he's dead already. He's dead and he's gone and he ain't never coming back, so why does my Daddy wanna go get killed, too? Don't he know I need him?

"I don't wanna go to sleep."

"Well," He reminds me, "Sometimes it don't matter what little girls want. I'm sayin' it's time to sleep, so it's time to sleep."

If he wanted to talk about it, I'd tell him that I don't wanna go to sleep because it means that when I wake up, it'll be the day my Daddy either dies in the city or he doesn't, and then I'll be all alone forever. I don't wanna pick a star out for my Dad. But I don't tell him any of this.

"Now, you want me to sing, or not?" He asks me again.

"I said," And half-way through I'm huffing this out, I know I've made a mistake, but I keep goin', anyway, because at least if I make him super angry, he might wanna talk. Unlike Officer Rick, my Dad is easy to make angry. "I don't wanna go to sleep."

I feel his stomach fill with air underneath me. "Scuse me?"

I twist to face him. Half his face is glowing from the fire, and the other half is glowing just from how mad he is.

"I... don't... wanna," I spell it out real slow. That's what people do when someone's not listenin' properly. "Go... to... sleep."

I hear main camp laughing again. For just a second, I wish I was over there, instead.

I look my Dad in the eye. It's really hard.

"You lookin' for a spanking, Harley Dixon?"

"No," My voice wobbles.

"'Cause you keep back-chattin' me, that's where you're headed."

"But—"

"What I just say?"

I snap my mouth shut like a kettle lid. Does he even have the words in him? Do I gotta beat on his chest 'till they come flying out? Do I gotta kick and yell and scream 'till he can't hold 'em in anymore? What do I gotta do to make him talk? How am I meant to like it over here, in this lonely camp with no Momma and no Uncle and maybe after tomorrow, no Dad, neither?

"Quit that look, Harley Dixon. I'm warnin' you."

"No."

"You really gonna make me repeat myself?"

I snap.

"Maybe I'on care!" I shout. We're both shocked. Then, he's about to lay me over his knee and whoop me 'till I'm black and blue, but I don't stop for nothin'. "Maybe I'on give a crap! I said I don't wanna go to sleep, so why you makin' me? I don't wanna! Uncle Merle's dead! He's dead and you don't even care!"

"How can you say tha—"

"You don't care because you're goin' back to the city tomorrow and you're gonna die, and I'm gonna be alone again, and you don't even care! Uncle Merle is dead! Just like Momma, he's dead!"

"We don't know that, Harley."

"Yeah, we do! Rick killed 'im, and now he's dead."

"That ain't true. Harley, you listen—"

He grabs my arms, but I smack him away. He gets angrier.

He points a finger in my face. "Do not fuckin' hit me, girl."

"I'on care."

Now he really grabs me, and it's so tight I can't smack him at all, or wriggle, or even look away. I see two miniature versions of our campfire in his eyes, burning away. It's a familiar look. I start to cry. I wish I wasn't here. I wanna be in main camp, where they're laughing.

"You stop this bullshit right now, Harley." He says, low. "I don't know what's gotten into you, but if it don't stop right this second, you're gonna regret it. You understand? Don't you ever hit me again. I'm leavin' tomorrow, and that's final."

"But why?"

"'Cause I'm choosin' to believe in yer Uncle Merle. You heard what all them said. There's a chance he ain't dead, and that's a chance I'm gonna take, because I'm a Dixon. Dixons look out for each other." He gives me a little shake. "If it were either one of us in that city, he'd be raisin' Hell on his way there already. Now, I don't wanna hear another word outcher mouth 'bout this. No more tears, neither. Got it?"

It's still not good enough. I want more.

"You wouldn't go back for Momma." I mutter, before I even realise that's what I've chosen to say. Somehow, that's the worst thing I've told my Dad all night, and I didn't even need to shout it. We stare at each other for a bit. "You wouldn't go back for her. You killed her."

I promised I'd never bring it up again, but there it is. I said it.

I think I might throw up again.

Just like that, our argument is over. He doesn't say anything, and then I don't say anything, either, and the not-saying-anything keeps going until we're back to sitting against each other in silence. The moon is high in the trees, now. One by one, the orange blips in the distance die. The chatter gets quieter and quieter until it's gone, and then me and my Dad are truly alone. He holds me tight, but it doesn't feel nice like it did before. It just feels like we're back to square one, because we are, and everything is a little to the left. Like when you get a pebble in the corner of your shoe, and you gotta walk a little funny to pretend it's not there, but it is, and you can feel it, and you hate it.

"You want me to sing for you, chicken?"

This time, I just say yes.

I watch the cube van drive into the distance until it's a white speck.

Dale stands next to me, even after everyone else has shuffled back to camp. "You've probably heard this from ten other people by now," Dale says, holding onto the strap of his heavy sniper rifle, "But your Dad? Well, he's going to be just fine. Toughest man in camp, I'd say."

My Dad, he's tough as nails, and he could shoot a walnut off a fencepost from a mile away, but he's also just a man. He's just skin and bones and blood like everyone else, like me, like deer and squirrels, and a bite from a dead person will kill him just the same. I don't say this to Dale.

He doesn't seem to mind. "Do you remember your first day here?"

A strange thing to ask. 'Course I remember. "What about it?"

"Things were a little more desperate, back then. We'd just ran out of our last tin of beans. People were hungry. I remember your Dad spent the whole morning telling people to leave him alone, because everybody was just begging him to go hunting. I think I did, too." Dale laughs. "One by one, he shot them all down. We were all so sure we'd have to start rationing. Then, the next morning, I go to wash my face behind the RV, and what do I see? Your Dad, dinged up and covered in sweat, dragging this... just... huge, simply huge... deer, into camp. I was gobsmacked. I remember thinking, 'who on Earth could have possibly convinced this stubborn man to go hunting'? Then, later in the day, I see him handing you a bowl of fried deer meat, happy as a clam, and that's when I knew he did it all for you. Tooth and nail, he made sure you were fed. And that's how I know he's coming back."

I think about all the times my Dad's done somethin' like that for me, like with Ronnie, and I feel a little better. My Momma once said my Dad would crawl back out of Hell on hot coals for me, and that I should never forget that. I feel bad for forgetting.

"I didn't tell him I love him, before he left." I admit to Dale. "I was real mean to him last night. I wish I told him."

"That's okay," Dale bumps my shoulder, and when I look up, there's a smile in his white beard. He winks. "I think he knows. Dads always know."

Something about Dale's cheeky attitude makes me giggle. I think I believe him.

"Now, lucky for us, we're certainly not short on food around here anymore. So, how about we go get you some breakfast?"

The day goes by like it always does, 'cause it don't know any better.

I can see Amy and Andrea fishing from the bank of the lake. Their boat looks like a little grain of salt in the middle of a giant green coin.

I'm up to my knees in the water. I'm trying to catch frogs. I'm missing. Shane and Carl are here, too, because even though we ate a whole sleeve of cheese and onion crackers for breakfast, Officer Shane says frog legs are gonna be all the rave, soon, when the peaches and jerky run out. We told him that's super gross, but he just smacked his lips and told us to grab our hats. We gotta do things like this, now. Things like sharing one tube of toothpaste, and only using two squares of toilet paper when you gotta go, and the adults gotta try and make it sound fun. 

I hear Carl somewhere down the rocks, going awww and man 'cause he keeps missing, too. All I know 'bout Carl is he can't spell 'adventure'.

"Hey, man, it happens. How you doin' over there, Harley?" Officer Shane asks me. "You managed to catch any of the little suckers yet?"

"No, not yet." I say. "But I can see 'em."

When we first got down here, Shane asked us kids to provide a little muscle for him. Shane's got plenty of muscle, already. He was just kiddin'. He does that a lot, and his laugh is real loud. He also gives high fives that knock you on your butt, and he's got a heavy walk and a dog tag. I think he must have taught little league, or somethin', before, 'cause he talks like a teacher. All fun and games, but also lots of rules. Like how if you say a bad word, he flicks you on the ear and tells you to mind your language.

I'm still not used to any of these people talking to me. I think they're just glad I ain't biting and hitting on them, anymore.

"How many's in there?" Shane wades over to me.

The only reason I trust Shane is because he's an adult, and adults can be trusted.

I count the frogs. "Um... Three."

"Three? Hm, talk about a gold mine, huh?" He laughs and, yep, it's real loud. "Let's see if I can't help you out here."

He sets our bucket down, which has two wet frogs slipping around inside it.

He rubs his hands together. "C'mon, girl. Let's catch us some frog legs."

He says they eat frog legs in France. I never knew that before today. French people are weirdos.

"You gotta get 'em quick, 'cause they're quicker." I warn Shane. It's something my Dad says 'bout squirrels and possums, so I say it now, too.

"Sure are." Shane agrees. "How 'bout I scare 'em out, and you try grabbin' one?"

"With my hands?"

"What? You plannin' on using your feet?" Shane grins, and he splashes me. I giggle. "C'mon. Get ready."

Officer Shane rolls up his blue sleeves. I take three long steps backward and squat a little, like I'm playin' basketball or somethin', and then Shane grabs the metal bucket and clangs it against the rocks, and all three of the fat froggies come bursting out into the water like wind-up toys. I almost panic — almost — but that's what idiots do, so I steel myself, which means I'm not an idiot. I lunge at the closest frog and wrap my hands around the green blob it makes under the ripples.

When I pull my hands out, I realise I've caught it. It's real wriggly and its skin is cold.

I jump a little, smiling wide. "Look, Shane! I got one!"

"Way to go, Harley!" Shane says, and if I pretend hard enough, it sounds like my Dad's accent praising me instead. "Look at you!"

I drop the frog in the bucket. I hear cheering, and when I look out, I see it's Amy and Andrea. They're clapping. I guess they were watching. Carl comes hopping over, too, and tells me I did a good job. I know he's a bastard cop, and I know his friend murdered my Uncle, but maybe Shane ain't so bad. He makes me miss my teachers. Maybe this group ain't so bad. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

We call it a day after that, and we squeeze out all the water in our clothes on the gravel shore.

"C'mon, y'all," Shane says, "Time to haul butt back to camp."

What he really means to say is ass.

The sky goes from blue to purple, and soon, it'll be black.

We're gonna have a feast tonight. A fish feast.

Dale, who's sitting up on the RV, because he's like a barnacle on a boat, reads us a poetry book while we scrape scales off of fish with plastic spoons. After the book runs out, we pop cassettes in the radio. It's nothin' like what my Dad listens to. It's too nice.

I try really hard not to think about my stomach. It hurts real bad, which is what happens when you're nervous. I realise, a little guiltily, that I almost haven't thought about my Daddy or my Uncle Merle all day, until just now. I say sorry to them in my head, because I didn't do it on purpose, I promise. I was just focused on other things, like doing dishes, and getting my hair brushed by Lori, and strippin' fish skin. It was easy, during the day. But it's gettin' late, now, and every minute that goes by, I'm closer to being the only kid in camp with nobody to tuck me into bed.

I'm standing on a crate, which means I'm almost as tall as all the ladies. Makes me feel a little better. All women remind me of my Momma.

Maybe if I ask, Lori can tuck me in tonight.

"Hey, Harley, you're doin' real good over there." Jacqui tells me. The sun's on her shoulder. "Doin' better than me, at least."

I mumble a thank you, because it's good manners. I done dressed plenty of fish before. It's easy. Like peelin' bananas.

"Our Dad used to take us girls fishing all the time." Andrea tells us. "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, you name it. We were out on the water."

"Sounds fun," Lori says. "I always wanted to go fishing with Rick and Carl, but it never happened. We were indoor people."

Jacqui laughs. "Not anymore, you're not."

Lori makes a face. "You don't gotta tell me twice."

"What about you, Harley?" Asks Amy. "Your Dad ever take you fishing?"

There it is again; my stomach climbing up the back of my throat like a balloon. "Uh," I mumble. "Yeah. A lot."

Carol asks me, "You like it? Being on the water?"

"It's okay if you don't." Amy scrunches up her nose, smiling. "I was never that into it. Motion sickness 'n all."

I'm about to say no, I didn't like it, but something stops me. It's true, I never liked stabbing the alive worms on the hook, or gettin' sunscreen smeared all over my face, or carrying all them heavy buckets full of crayfish and bluegills back to the truck, but that doesn't matter. I was with my Dad. And I liked that. So, "I liked it," I say. "We went every weekend, in Dad's boat. It was sorta old, but he liked it a whole lot. He let me name it."

Lori smiles. Lori loves when people tell nice stories. "What'd you choose?"

"I named it after our old dog." I tell her. Hey, I'm smiling. "His name was Tank. So, Dad's boat was, 'The Tank'."

Lori pouts. She loves animals, too. "Aw. That's nice. We had a dog."

"What was his name?"

"Fido," She scoffs. "You can thank Carl for that one."

"I can't imagine Daryl lettin' anybody tell him what to do," Amy chuckles. "He's always so grouchy."

Dale must be eavesdropping, because he leans over his fold-out chair and calls down to us, "Now, now, remember that time with the deer?"

The story he told me this morning, to make me feel better.

All at once, the women start giggling together, and nodding, yes, they do remember that time with the deer. I catch it, like a stomach bug, and I start giggling, too, because I guess it is kinda funny. My Dad, with his squinty eyes and angry mouth and big, scarred fists, doin' whatever I tell him to. I never saw it like that, because it's always the other way 'round. For the first time today, I'm thinking of my Dad, and it doesn't hurt, not one bit.

"Like a gaggle of geese over there," Shane shakes his head from the fire. He's laughin', too. Bunch of eavesdroppers, these people. "Get back to work!"

"Yes, sir!" Andrea salutes, rolling her eyes.

We can't stop giggling.

The fish fry is, basically, a family barbeque.

My dinner is hot, and greasy, and it's even got yellow rice and onions in it, like takeaway. Takeaway is always good. Around the fire, all I see are happy faces and all I hear are jokes, and gasps, and laughter. They're talking about college, and how Lori used to wear the ugliest skirts, and how, yes, Shane can confirm, he was there to see it and, no, it wasn't pretty. When I look through the trees, I imagine me and my Daddy's sad little camp on the other side, abandoned. I was right. It is better over here. I hope he would think so, too.

"W— Hey! They were in style, back then!" Lori holds her fork up, like a pointing finger. "Everyone was wearin' them!"

"Oh, I remember." Shane shakes his head. "N— No, listen, I remember, alright! So short it was like a damn belt!"

Amy slides off her tennis shoe and launches it at Shane's legs. "You can't argue with fashion, Shane!"

He laughs. "Oh, that's what that was? Fashion?"

"Hey, I got some pretty nasty pictures of you with that damn perm on your head, so you might wanna quit while you're ahead." Lori sasses.

We all picture Shane with a mop of curly poodle hair, prolly posing like He-Man, and we all roar with laughter again.

Up until the very last grain of rice gets eaten, we talk about everything and anything, because stories are all we got to give each other anymore, Dale says. Dale talks about how he planned to take a trip around the state with his wife, in their RV, but she passed away before it could happen. So, when the world ended, he was in a gas station, buying ice creams and lookin' at maps, 'cause he was doin' the trip on his own. He says he's glad that all the small decisions he's made in life has led him to this quarry, with these people. Everybody calls him a sap, but he gets a side-hug from Jacqui. He smiles over the fire at me. Andrea and Amy talk more about their Dad.

I talk about the tyre swing I used to have, in my yard. Shange suggests building one here, too.

Jim talks a little about his old job as a mechanic. Morales talks about how much he misses his recliner.

"Aw, man, I'm telling you," He groans, like he's in a deep, deep pain. "It was remote-controlled, and it had blue-tooth, and everything."

Shane slaps him on the back. "Too bad the world ended; Had to get off your fat ass!"

More and more warm, silly laughter.

It's around us kid's bed-time when Dale checks his watch.

The other kids all complain straight away, but we get dragged away, anyway. I can hear my Daddy's voice in my head, telling me sometimes it don't matter what little girls want. Lori and Carol take us around the back of Shane's Jeep, where all the bathroom stuff gets kept, like the gallon jugs of water, the towels, and stuff Glenn brings back from runs. We brush our teeth, and splash our hair with water, and use baby wipes on our armpits.

I can see the tippy-tops of the city's tallest buildings from here, like skinny black popsicle sticks in the smog. I keep lookin' back, for my Dad.

I'm lookin' right now. Everyone else is trying to find Sophia's hairbrush in one of the bags, but I'm not helping. I can't look away.

There's a figure, stumbling up the road.

At first, I think it's my Dad, somehow. When you're expecting somethin' so much and for so long, and with all your heart, it's the first thing you think of. Even if it makes no sense. If they were really back, they'd all be together; Glenn, T-Dog, Daddy, and Rick, because my Daddy would make them all stick together, 'cause he's smart like that. But the shadow's alone. And he's got a limp. Just a little one. He hop-shuffle-hop-shuffles closer to us. No, no it's not my Dad. There's no crossbow; no big boots, no backpack. The shoulders aren't wide enough. Actually, the shoulders aren't wide at all. They're droopy. Too droopy, like they're... like they're melting off the bone, like hot cheese melts off pizza.

I hear a gurgle through the night. That's when it all makes sense.

"Walkers!"

And one second after that, the fish feast goes to Hell.

Someone snatches my wrist. We go rushing back into camp, where there's people, and lights, and noise. And shouting. Lots and lots of shouting; so much shouting it's like being stuck inside a beehive. I see flashes of legs and t-shirts and hands pulling me around, toward the bonfire. The bonfire must be brighter than a lighthouse out here, in the dark. Suddenly, I'm noticing everything wrong with the fish fry. The smells, the noise. I'm remembering my Daddy's rules, 'bout how loud is dangerous and dangerous is stupid and oh God — I can hear Amy shrieking like a piglet, near the RV. I hear shotguns pumping and bullets exploding and sloppy plops of skin falling of the dead people afterwards. I'm screaming.

The bag — The emergency bag, the one in our tent. I should grab it, right? That's what I'm supposed to do, right? So we can live?

"Lori!" Shane's hollering. "Carl! Harley! Where are you?"

"We're over here!" Lori cries.

"Start moving!"

Everywhere, everywhere, legs, legs, legs, all rotten and slimy and dead. Then, a gap, filled with darkness. The tent is out there. The bag.

I can make it. I know I can.

"Harley!"

That's Lori, screaming like she's never screamed before, because I just broke away from her, and I can feel something hot sliding down my arm, and it must be blood, 'cause she must have ripped my arm open with her short razor nails. I run straight for the gap in the wall of dead people, and I throw myself past them, like they're bowling pins and I'm the ball, and then I'm on the other side, in the dark, dark woods, running, running, running, all by myself. I remember the path to our camp. Big rock, little tree, old fence. It's all there, it's just covered in night.

I hear Shane yelling for me, and Morales, too, and more screaming, more dying.

A dead man slams into me. We go tumbling into the branches and the leaves, and then down a little hill, and then into a ditch. I smack his growling face away from mine, and I kick his stomach, and I wriggle away. The dirt is slipping away from underneath me, like dust, but the roots are easy to climb so I climb those, and the dead man follows me out. He's swiping at my ankles, scampering for my legs, slobbering on his lips.

His nails catch my arm.

I see the tent.

I'm running again, but only for a second. It's my pants. They're stuck. The dead man's grabbing onto them. I kick his fingers off.

"Get away," I grunt.

The pebbly ground barks under my shoes when I tear off again, and it only takes a couple heartbeats for me to reach my Dad's camping chair, and then the black fire pit, and then the truck, and then the tent. I rip open the zipper and fall inside. The bag, the bag, the bag. I scramble for my Dad's sleeping cot, and drop to my knees, and pat around all the spare shirts and pants and socks and blankets he's got stuffed under here, praying, please God, it's gotta be here, like he says it is. My fingers hit something soft, then something hard. A buckle. I grab. I pull.

It's the bag. It's the bag, with the compass and the rope and the matches. I did it.

A branch cracks. I look over my shoul—

The dead man crashes on top of me, all two hundred pounds, through the tent lining. He squirms against me like a finger in a glove.

I scuttle backward as fast I can, under the cot. The dead man flops and turns and twists until he finds the tent opening, and he slithers inside, 'cause he's a hungry animal and I'm his food. An electric lamp clicks on underneath my foot. The dead man's shadow gets projected onto all four of the tent walls; big, like the bogeyman. I hug the bag like a teddy bear and then that's it, and there's nowhere else to go. His fingers reach for me, and they look like big, black, dead spiders, all curled up. I see his face, now. It's shredded. It's beaten.

It's Sophia's Dad.

Something clamps around my shoe, and it's his teeth. A whole row of thick, white teeth. A bite.

I squeeze my eyes closed and hope my shoe's thick enough to keep me safe. There's nothin' else I can do.

Then, a great, big bang.

Then, hot, slippery puddles of blood, and little bits of neck and skin and jaw, splattered across my face. He slumps. Is it over? It's over? His head's cracked open like an egg, and his brains are leaking out like yolk. There's a bullet hole between my two feet. That means — That means someone shot his shadow, through the tent. Only someone with a very good shot could have made that, without killing me at the same time. I claw my way out from under all the blankets, and the body, and the cot. I can hear voices shouting, Oh Fuck, Oh God, and, Where are you, baby, and, If you hit my daughter, I will fucking end you.

The electric lamp flutters off.

The tent is ripped open. 

I look up. I'm blinded by big, white circles of flashlight light. Someone gasps.

My chin crumples 'cause I'm crying, like a little baby.

Rick's standin' there, Sherriff's hat on, revolver smoking. Shane's there, too, wild-eyed, and very, very sweaty, with a shotgun. There's Glenn, panting. They look at the blood on the blankets, and the blood on my face, and their dead friend on the floor, with half a head. Then, they see the scratches on my arm, and for some reason, some of them look like they're about to throw up all over themselves. But the person in front, the person that got here first, that's my Dad. It's my Dad, and he's alive. He doesn't even stop to look, like the others. He doesn't care.

"Harley," He chokes, like he's been punched, and he drops to his knees in front of me. He presses me into his chest. He's alive. He's alive. 

I'm alive.

"Daddy," I cough-sob, 'cause I can't help it.

I only ever call him Daddy instead of Dad in my head, or when I'm really, really upset.

He must notice, 'cause the hug gets tighter; safer. "Baby, I'm here. You're alright. You're alright. S'alright, now."

I bury my face in his sweaty, stinky, dirt-smeared neck, and I never wanna come back out. I sob and I sob and I sob, and I sob some more. He pets my hair and shushes me, like how he does when I get nightmares. We rock back and forth. I sob, sob, sob.

Someone says my Dad's name real weird, like they're boutta keel over, and only then I remember me and my Dad aren't the only two people in the world. Footsteps crinkle on the tent canvas. Someone kneels next to me. It's Rick. He takes off his hat and sucks in a breath, glances at the others — He steels himself — and then he gently grabs my green sleeve, and I wriggle into my Dad, who's lettin' him do this, and he slides it up my arm. Fresh claw marks, and blood, pouring down my skin. We stare at my arm for a long time. They glance at Sophia's Dad. Why are we staring at my arm?

I look at Rick. I look at Glenn; at Shane. I look at my Dad. He's gone white as a ghost.

"Harley, what is that?" He whispers to me.

I look back at my arm. It's just some stupid scratches. I wipe 'em away, 'cause I want 'em gone. "It's nothin'."

"Harley," He says again, this time with a very clear, very angry, no-nonsense voice. "You look me in the eye. What is that?"

Something is very, very wrong.

Glenn has to walk away.

"Wh—?" I shake my head, sniffing. Why do I feel like I'm in trouble? I didn't do nothin' wrong. "It's nothin'. Lori, she scratched me."

"It was Lori?" Rick raises his eyebrows, like it's very, very important that I'm not lying right now.

I'm not lying. Rick, he's a liar, but not me.

"Uh-huh." I nod hard, so they believe me. "It was Lori. H— He got me, too, I think, but it don't hurt. I promise. He ain't do it too hard."

I didn't say the right thing.

They're all looking at each other. They're speaking without talking, and I don't like it.

"Daddy, what's goin' on?" I'm mumbling now, 'cause I only want my Daddy to hear me, 'cause I'm scared. I'm really scared. I don't know what I did wrong, and I don't know what they're thinking about, but I'm sorry, and I'll never do it again. I was so busy worrying about the teeth in my shoe that I wasn't thinking about anything else. I think I should've been, though, and I'm sorry I wasn't. I'm sorry. All I know is that I'm sorry. I don't know why, but I'm sorry. Daddy picks me up, even though he's told me over and over I'm too old for that, now. He's shuddering.

"We'll check Lori's nails." Rick tells him, nice and steady. His police-man voice. "If there's blood under them—"

"This bastard's got blood unn'er his nails!" Dad gives Sophia's Dad a hard kick in the head. I shriek. "The stupid fuck! It don't fuckin' matter!"

"It does matter. It does." Rick keeps saying. "We can't make any conclusions. Not 'til then. We just can't."

"You wanna talk 'conclusions', officer? Let's talk 'conclusions'."

"Daryl, we'll figure this out."

"How the Hell did y'all even let this fuckin' happen?" Dad yells. "You're like a fuckin' bad luck charm, you people!"

"This is nobody's fault." Rick says, but he sounds like he knows he's lying.

I can hear people panicking far away, back at camp, in whispers. Glenn ran back there a few minutes ago.

"First my brother, now my—?" Dad cuts himself off. He's about to cry.

Nobody's got anything to say.

We listen to the sounds of leaves rustling and crickets chirping and the distant yelling and the breeze and my Daddy's big strong heartbeat, which is goin' buh-bump, buh-bump, buh-bump under my ear, real, real fast.

Shane steps forward, but it's all over already.

This is what it was like the night Tank got put down. I realise that I'm like Tank. Tank was dying. I'm a dying dog. The scratches on my arm, I get it now. They're from the dead man and they're from Lori at the exact same time, and until we know which it is, that means I'm dying. He scratched me — I remember, now. He got me. He did. I don't wanna be dying. I was alive just a second ago. I swear I was.

Unlike yesterday, Daddy doesn't bat Rick off when puts a hand on his shoulder. Something changed in the city today. I think we're all one team, now, even if my Daddy likes to bite and snap and blame. There's no more line between them and us. There's not two camps, anymore. Only one.

The stars are bright, tonight. I watch them twinkle over my Dad's head.

"If this happens," Daddy's voice cracks. "Every single one of you are gonna be real, real sorry."

Author's Note. Yep, you guessed it, Jim survives! And Harley is the one that gets attacked.

No more ominous hole-digging for you, Jim. Sorry.

Phew. This took a long time to write. I had to re-work almost every scene about four times, because some things just weren't working, and I had to delete some others. It all worked out in the end, though. Here we are with chapter two.

Please let me know what you think! :)

[i-sveikata]

I have a few questions, but please do not feel pressure to answer them. You can ignore as you please! 💙

What is your favourite scene? That you read again and again after you have written?

Which chapter was the most fun to write? And which chapter that made you pull your hair while writing?

Is there any chapter that you want to change a few parts in it? Or that you say “Oh I wish I’d go different ways in this chapter, I wish I haven’t written like this.” etc.

Have you ever felt demotivated while writing graveyards that you wanted to discontinue?

What is the thing you feel excited to write in the future?

and for the wip game: head, heart, mouth please 🥰💙

No no i love questions!!!! Hmmm i think probably the first scene that i ever wrote? which was vegas and pete's clash of wills in the red room of the compound or the escape scene when pete fled the safe house. those two feel very vivid to me when i think of all that's happened so far. (there's also another scene that's still to come but i won't spoil that one ;) not yet )

i honestly can't remember lol. all of the chapters have been fun to write! it's one continual story in my head the chapters are more just break off points for the readers tbh

oh that is a good question. weirdly i never get that??? i do occasionally go back and edit spelling mistakes or wonky sentences when i reread but ive actually never experienced that. usually the decisions i make writing often lead to more progression of the narrative or like foreshadowing for the future (often without me even consciously intending it) so the different things i put in there end up tying together with other stuff. kinda like chasing down a rabbit hole that connects to a entire underground warren but somehow manages to lead back to the main tunnel in the end.

no not exactly i wouldnt put it like that. i've been tired or creatively exhausted and ive taken breaks knowing that i need them in order to keep writing (which is mostly what the delay between this and the last chapter was- also all the family christmas stuff and the stress that comes with that, plus i got covid two weeks before xmas, then i got the flu and walking pneumonia again a week after that and then i went on holiday first week of jan hahaha there's just been a lot going on that's left me physically and mentally exhausted lol) But no that hasn't crossed my mind- i don't usually have trouble finishing stories (even ones as insanely long as this) but i do go through inspiration/idea droughts which is when taking a break for a bit can come in handy.

im actually pretty keen to start working on my original work after i finish graveyards. hoping to dedicate some real time to it so i can finally finish off the entire draft and start looking into trying to get it published so fingers crossed!

Of course you can sentences below!!!

Because when the words seem to sink into Vegas’ head, when the question filters through he turns automatically, expectantly towards Pete. As if out of everyone, he knows exactly where to lay his unspoken query.

\

Pete knows that this is a fight he can’t win. So even with his heart pounding in his ears, Pete bows to Mr Korn before straightening up again.

\

Kinn’s mouth turns down and Pete already knows his answer. Even if Mr Korn tries to sidestep again and pretty it up.

[cacalowee]

𝒗𝒊𝒐𝒍𝒆𝒕 𝒅𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒎𝒔 || 𝒆𝒑𝒊𝒍𝒐𝒈𝒖𝒆 || 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒊𝒍𝒚 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓

azriel x rhysand’s sister [ y/n ]

synopsis : at their mating ceremony, y/n reminisces about their time together so far [ bonus ;; az's pov ]

warnings : fluff, mentions of trauma, cursing, alcohol

word count : 2,783

notes : this is meant to be a sweet, fluffy chapter of just pure love memories <33 but I don't know how mating ceremonies are like in prythian, so I'll just try to make it as whimsical as possible lmao [ also ignore the weird title, I'm feeling very disney ] also I'm so sorry I didn't exactly like writing the nervous 'bride' trope but I literally had no idea what I was doing and made it up as I typed

this is me finally finished with writing and I think I managed to write and share a theme that I really needed before [ at the end ] i hope this story reaches you well and I hope you have a wonderful day ahead of you <33

[ also im lazy so this isn't proofread or edited. i may go back in to change a few things but I'm so so sorry if there are any grammatical or spelling mistakes ]

cal xx

"Oh my fucking gods, I'm actually doing this," you breathed, already out of breath. You wiped your sweaty palms on the skirts of your flowy dress and tried to shake out the nerves.

Feyre offered you a warm smile, "You look so beautiful." Your eyes flickered to the mirror propped up against your bedroom wall and scanned yourself up and down. Your black satin dress had a slightly modest neckline and long, mesh sleeves draping off your arms. Your dress came down past your ankles where the tips of your silver heels peeked through the fabric. Silver glitter had been dusted on the hem of your skirt and sleeves, giving off an ethereal feeling to your mating dress. Your hair had been pulled half-up, your thick strands of hair forming a crown around your head.

"Do I?" you asked nervously, terrified that you looked different in the eyes of others.

Mor nodded in agreement as she dusted sparkles over your cheekbones and gave you a dazzling smile. "You look amazing. Now, stop moving around so much, I still have to fix your hair." You quickly switched your energy to bouncing your leg up and down, ignoring Mor's huff of amusement.

"Don't be nervous, y/n," Feyre said, placing a crown of burnt flowers in your hair, the dark shade of them matching the ebony dress.

"I'm not nervous, exactly. More like absolutely petrified because I'm sure I'll piss myself and then die," you answered, muttering the last bit.

Feyre gave you a pointed look, "You won't piss yourself or die. You'll walk down that aisle, and offer Az your best fucking meal in the history of food."

You stayed quiet for a few seconds, adding quietly, "I can't cook shit."

"I warmed up soup for Rhys, you're fine," Feyre said, a slight smirk gracing her features.

"OhmygodsnowIsoundneedyIneedtoshutup," you muttered, letting your thoughts swirl around your head instead. Azriel hadn't dared propose the idea of officiating our mating bond. Only a few weeks ago, you had planted the idea while extremely drunk at Rita's. Azriel had been hovering over you, being overprotective as usual and making sure you didn't drink too much. It was endearing, truly, but at some point, you were sure you had just snapped and slurred, "We're not mated yet, stop being a busybody." After that, he had fallen silent and you had asked the question. Want to mate me?

And here you were, trying to convince yourself that you hadn't imagined that entire conversation in your wine-addled head and were now dressing up for nothing.

Because that would be a shame. Especially after sitting in this damn chair for over two hours.

You subconsciously rubbed at your arms, feeling the silky mesh material glide across your skin. You started playing with the sleeve and as you twisted your arm around, you could faintly make out the white outlines of a large scar you had earned by being dumb.

You turned your arm back over and stared directly in front of you. You focused your gaze and could've sworn you saw the air particles moving around in the space in front of you.

You let your eyes unfocus and small stars appeared in your vision. There were streaks of white across the walls that reminded you of the night when the mating bond snapped into place. Azriel had been dumbfounded at first, freezing on the spot and staring at you with wide eyes. The bond had shone brightly, illuminating your mind with its light. Neither of them dared to breathe the words aloud. We're mates.

You had stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. When Azriel's eyes had filled with tears and he collapsed against you, you held him as he held you, both of you understanding and yet not saying a single word.

A few weeks later, both of you laying next to each other on the roof, watching the stars twinkle against the dark sky, you had shared a special thing.

After hours of talking about everything that was important to you and him, your gazes interlocked and he looked so beautiful at that moment. His eyes were glowing and a smile twisted his lips upward, warming his features. He stared at you with love shining in his eyes and you felt your lips curve up into a smile to match his own. His breath hitched and he murmured, "You're beautiful."

Your smile had faltered slightly, the words coming out of a different mouth for a moment before you were back in the present. "You're absolutely breathtaking," you responded.

His gaze was so understanding and empathetic, that you had no other choice but to move closer so that your bodies were only an inch apart. You didn't remember who moved first, but you both angled your faces toward each other and brushed your lips together. The soft touch made your heart clench at the gentleness he was offering and you leaned in further to press your lips firmly against his own.

He draped an arm over your waist and pulled you in closer, sharing a beautiful moment for all of a few seconds before it was over and you were both smiling stupidly at each other.

"y/n?" Mor asked and your head snapped up. "Stand up for me real quick, I need to adjust the hem."

You tilted your head and did as she said. "You don't have to help me, y'know. I don't want this to be a big thing."

She smirked at you and shook her head, "Small thing or not, you're going to look fucking gorgeous out there. I don't care if you fight me every step of the way, I am going to fuss over you. I didn't get to do this for Feyre, and Nesta had her sisters." You couldn't deny her when she made it about herself.

After a few more minutes of absolute torture, you were ready for the ceremony at dusk. You hadn't wanted a normal ceremony, you wanted to break out of the box and be unique, all for the fact of not being confined to society's rules.

You had worn all black instead of white, your silver shoes being the sole exception, and held a bouquet of dead roses. It had taken a lot of convincing to make this all happen. Convincing yourself and others. You didn't say anything, but you wanted this ceremony to double as a funeral for the person you once were. It was stupid, honestly, so you kept quiet.

You stood in front of the double doors to the roof, mentally preparing yourself for the embarrassment you would feel when you tripped and fell flat on your ass in front of everyone.

You took a deep breath and opened the door slightly, knowing the Inner Circle sat on the other side.

You tentatively took a step down the aisle created by the parting of chairs and heard Cassian whoop enthusiastically. You grinned at that, feeling the fear leaving your body. Only slightly. You continued down the walkway, avoiding any and all eye contact, though furiously scanning the perimeter of the roof for anything amiss.

When you reached the altar and the priestess was waiting there for you, you nodded at her and offered a small smile of thanks. Your gaze swept out over the blurred crowd and you swallowed, feeling the fear rear up again. You clenched the bouquet of flowers closer to you, knowing for a fact that no matter how hard you squeezed, you wouldn't damage the roses.

Movement from your peripheral vision caught your eye and you automatically zoned onto the double doors where wisps of shadows were seeping through the cracks and joining you on the altar. They curled over your wrists and the cooling brush of the tendrils helped calm your heart rate.

The doors opened and Azriel stepped out dressed in all black, as per usual, but instead of leathers, he had donned a silk tunic and trousers that perfectly fitted his figure. His wings were flared out behind him and your gaze drifted to his face. You found his eyes already on yours and you felt your heart stutter. His eyes softened, just for you to see, and the tips of his lips tilted up in a reassuring smile.

For him. For Azriel.

You took a deep breath and watched as he made his way toward you. When he turned to face you on the altar, the priestess took that as her cue to start the usual bonding words. You zoned out slightly, your mind running over all the different scenarios that could occur where you would screw this entire thing up.

A calming shadow curled around your ear and you heard a faint song with lyrics you couldn't interpret. When the priestess took a step back, you reached your arms forward for Azriel's and as you clasped hands, shadows slithered down your arms, meeting where your hands were joined. You held Azriel's gaze and felt a slight tug on the bond. A surge of happiness and love followed and you were almost felled by the potency of the emotions.

In return, you quieted your thoughts and pushed the words, I love you, through the bond, hoping he could hear the message through the pounding of your heart.

"Do you accept Azriel as your mate for the rest of eternity?" the priestess asked, interrupting your silent conversation with Azriel.

You smiled, letting your happiness show on your face.

"I do."

azriel's pov

His breath caught, the impossible words filling his head as you smiled up at him with all the love in the world. You were beautiful. Gorgeous. Breathtaking. He couldn't believe he was standing in front of you, with his ruined hands entwined with the most unbelievable female he'd ever met.

"And do you, Azriel, accept y/n as your mate for the rest of eternity?" the priestess repeated. Your gaze swiveled to meet his eyes and he couldn't help the pang of anger when he saw that hint of doubt in your eyes. Anger at everything in the world that had taught you the curse of doubt.

He made sure you were looking at him, letting all his walls down and letting you see all the emotions crossing his face.

"I do."

Your face betrayed no negative emotion, but he felt a slight stirring of relief through the bond. He gave another reassuring tug and clasped your hands tighter.

"Then, y/n, you may present the food," the priestess said, breaking and adding to the moment all at once. You let go first, the shadows twining around your arms breaking as well.

Your face was flushed as you turned and offered him a plate of homemade brownies. "You said you like chocolate, and I don't know . . . "

Azriel stretched out his hand to take a brownie and took a large bite, not hesitating for a second. A dazzling smile graced your features and he would've fallen onto his knees at the sight of it were it not for the events that would come after. The sweetness of the chocolate erupted in his mouth, and it was the absolute best brownie he had ever had.

"I now pronounce you officially mated," the priestess said, a small smile spreading across her face at the pure joy hanging around in the air. And Azriel felt that joy, felt everything. He felt undiluted happiness as he stood in front of his mate, her face glowing and full of love. He had never thought he would've experienced this day in his entire 500 years of living, but all that pain was worth it to be here. With you.

y/n's pov

Azriel turned to face you completely, his eyes softening with love and gratitude, something only meant for your eyes and you smiled at him, trying to convey what words couldn't: how much you loved him.

The shadows swarming around both of you erupted as Azriel stepped closer and cupped your cheek, bringing his head toward yours. He gently pressed his lips against yours, his other hand going around you to hold your waist. You arched into the kiss, your hands reaching for his hair. You smiled against him and you felt his lips tilt as well, both of you eventually dissolving into snorts and chuckles.

When you pulled away, you grinned at him and held him tight.

When the priestess moved to step off the slightly raised podium she had been standing on, Rhysand and the others stood up immediately to rush at you both.

"y/n, my precious little, baby sister," your brother greeted as he wrapped his arms around you, giving Azriel a pat on the back. The two males grinned at each other, Azriel more carefree than you had ever seen him.

Cassian swung an arm around your shoulder and pulled you into a side hug. Feyre offered you a warm smile and you reached for her hand, clasping it gently. Cassian whooped with joy for you and his brother. Even Amren gave you both a smile, the expression on her face showing more emotion than normal.

"Alright, let's all get stupid drunk and then pass out!" Cassian hollered, heading straight for the drinks set out on a table near the edge of the roof.

In small groups, the Inner Circle broke away to lounge on the chairs set around the roof as they all celebrated Azriel's and your mating ceremony.

You turned toward the rising moon and found Azriel standing by your side like he always would from this point forward.

You reached for his hand, holding it tightly. When he wrapped an arm around your shoulder, you pulled his hand up and pressed a kiss to his scars.

"I love you so much," he whispered, his fingers moving to twine with yours.

"I love you more," you returned, wrapping your arms around his waist, hands still linked together.

"I'll be with you forever. From here on out until the Mother claims us. Beyond that even," he promised, leaning down to kiss your hair. You tilted your head to lean on his chest, squeezing tightly.

"And I'll always treasure you, my precious, sweet, chicken leg," you muttered against his black tunic.

Azriel pulled away slightly to look you in the eyes. "Chicken leg?" He asked with a deep laugh.

"I don't handle on-the-spot decisions well. How about you try thinking of something, right here, right now," you retorted.

"Easy, starlight," he said, his voice soft.

You released a huff, "You got a few seconds to think."

"Yes, that's why," he returned, voice dripping with sarcasm. He wrapped his arms tighter around you held you even closer than before if that was possible.

"I'm glad I'm back. I'm glad that I managed to find you even when I was trying to kill Rhysie," you admitted, glancing at the stars that twinkled in the night sky like small bursts of reassurance.

"I'm glad you're back too. Even though the circumstances which we met through were questionable," Azriel replied. You hummed in agreement, averting your gaze from the stars to his eyes. They were liquid honey, absolutely beautiful, and truly Azriel.

"My beautiful, handsome, absolutely perfect mate," you breathed, staring deep into his soul. You saw everything and held no fear. Azriel was by no means perfect, but he was perfect for you, scars and all. The blood on his hands was there from protecting his High Lord and Court. And you couldn't fault him for that. Hell, you've tortured and killed before. You've tried to kill your brother. Both of you had endured so much as well. Under the hands of his brother, Azriel had suffered, but he was alive. He was alive and living. He didn't let what happened to him affect him. He was as strong as an army of thousands.

And despite everything that had happened to you, from your mother's death to the torture of the King, you lived as well. And when two halves of a whole, both merely surviving met each other, you learned to thrive together. Because that was what you were doing. Both of you had learned to thrive and found love where you thought had been impossible.

The Mother has some strange plans, you thought. But truly wonderful plans.

Incredible plans, actually, because throughout the course of her plan, you had met your mate and you were currently being held by him on the roof overlooking the night sky, surrounded by your family and friends.

Life sucks for sure, but in the end, there is always a turn of destiny and something truly wonderful awaits you.

→ violet dreams masterlist || complete masterlist

taglist : @sassybluebird ,, @starrstrucked ,, @hideing ,, @moonslattess ,, @goldentournesol ,, @eat-cake ,, @owllover123 ,, @imnotsiriusyouare ,, @winnie-the-shoe ,, @xxgenderenvyxx [ striked-out names couldn’t be tagged unfortunately ]

[lolita-lollipop]

Can you do a yandere older brother shinsou in the yandere erasermic family (before eri) where he catches reader trying to sneak out but he lets her go for 20 minutes b/c he did the same thing his first week? You can change it if you want tho🙃

You snapped the lcoks of yo ur window open, it was only a day ago that they had given you the freedom of locking and unlocking them to see the sunlight in the morning, you were totally going to use this to your advantage and get yourself out of here for the night, you didn’t really ah e anything planned, like seriously, no plans at all, probably just going to wander about the streets of Tokyo at night. Without your parents, or sister, or brother around to tell you to keep away from things they deem “dangerouse”, which was the outside itself, meaning you wouldn’t even be able to edit the premises.

“Yes” you congraduated yourself as the window opened without making much noise, you swung your feet out and landed on the roof, where a certain purple haired, baggy eyed teenager stood, his arms crossed, startling you to a whole new extent.

“Where you goin?” He spoke, eyebrow raised in amusement as he watched your face drain of color. He was almost suprised you were able to find something in your closet that wasn’t a baby shade of pink, even more so that you had gotten anywhere near your window without alerting any others in the family. The atmosphere was completely awkward as you stared at eachother.

“I’m.... going out. Please don’t tell them! You must have done the same thing at some point right? Well both get in trouble if you tell.!” You whisper yelled at him, waving your arms about, trying to prove your point that he should jsut let you go, you both knew that even if you did succesfully escape, they would just find you in minutes wandering aimlessly through the city you knew nothing about, you weren’t even aiming for escape right now, just a breath of fresh air. A small smile of sympathy formed in his face.

“That’s true, Im Doing this because I love you. Okay? Know that. I did the exact same thing my first week here. I saw nothing, you better be back in thirty though, Follow the rules, be careful, goodbye.” He warned, then disappeared, you stared in shock that he even let you go.. any other member would’ve dragged him back in your room and forced you to read some children’s book with them. Yeah, shinso is Totally your favorite now.

Jumping off the roof entirely, you made your way past the gates, staring back I. Suspicion, wondering if he really hadn’t snitched on you.

———

Your thirty minutes were almost up, and you were on your way back, when you reached the gates, you only had like 2 minutes to get back in to us bed or shinso would tell, oh good you were gonna be in SO much trouble if he told.

Climbing up the gutter on the side of the house, and unla Ching your window with such haste that you almost cracked a finger, you heard voices in the hallway. Shinso and probably one of your dads. You panicked immediately, flinging “grownup” clothes off your body and tugging on the silky pink pajamas that you had previously been wearing that night. The footsepts got gradually closer as you buttoned up the shirt (incorrectly).

“I told you dad, she’s Probably sleeping and we’re just gonna wake her up when we barge in there.” You could hear shinso speaking just out of your door, shoving the clothing back in your closet, you jumped in your bed, pulling the covers Iover your shoulders and tugging th giraffe plush close to your chest, closing your eyes and turning the other way with a small groan, trying to imitate the sound of a moving sleeper.

“If i don’t see her in that bed, you both are going to have a lot of explaining to do.” Another voice, clearly aizawas due to the gravely tone to it, spoke. The doorknob started to make clicking noises, signaling you that it was opening when two of the figures barged in the room, quite loudly if you did sya so yourself. You you sat up slowly, rubbing your eyes like a child would.

“Daddy? Is something wrong?” You questioned, meeting eyes with Shinso,then bringing your gaze back to the previously fuming “father of yours. His eyes softened at your adorable sleepy-looking state, all suspicion was thrown right out the window when he saw how comfortable you seemed to be, he made his way to your bed and tugged you back down onto the pillow, pulling the blanket back over your shoulders. He planted a firm kiss on your forehead.

“No darling, I was just worried about you. Go back to sleep now”

———————————————————————

Thank you for requesting! It was pretty fun to write.

(This is unedited so sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes)

Have a great day Anon!

[topsytervy]

Goodbye ~ Rafe Cameron

Blurb: You and Rafe were dating until you realized he changed way too much...and not for the better.

Word Count: maybe 4,300 (i did some last minute editing)

Warnings: mentions of drugs (coke and weed), hints at sex, swearing, toxic behavior, age gap (16 and 19), canon Rafe (minus the murder), grammar/spelling mistakes,i think thats it.

One thing before you read:

This takes place with the reader being 16 and Rafe 19 so Im just going to say this. THIS IS PURELY A WORK OF FICTION AND ACCORDING TO GOOGLE THE AGE OF CONSENT IN NORTH CAROLINA IS 16. STILL, I DO NOT CONDONE RELATIONSHIPS WHERE A PARTNER(S) IS AN ADULT AND THE OTHER(S) IS A MINOR. THIS IS JUST FICTION!

Not me already thinking of a part 2 where they reunite years later at John B and Sarahs wedding

~~~~~~~~~

You dated Rafe Cameron for a bit, starting your relationship months before his downward spiral. Key words there being dated and a bit. Almost a year. 11 months 17 days and 5 hours to be exact but who was counting.

Rafe Cameron was.

Out of the 11 months 17 days and 5 hours that your relationship lasted, you two spent 11 months 2 days and 30 minutes with each other and they were the best 11 months 2 days and 30 minutes of his life. 

You broke it off though after he had promised that he would try to quit his drug habit, his coke habit to be more precise, and didn't. Whenever you tried to help him, he'd push you away and say, 'I can take care of my own shit, Y/N. I don't need you to help'. 

The last straw was when he drove up to Barrys, you in the passenger seat next to him, unamused since he said he'd be taking you to the beach but didn't, opting out to fulfill the hunger of coke instead.

"Rafe, please. You're doing so well. We can still go back home. Lay down, watch a movie, have some fun…" You trailed off, thinking that the last option would definitely have him turning back.

"After this, Y/N/N. Then we can have all the fun we want." He smirked.

You huffed, crossing your arms over your chest. "It's no fun when you're high." You mumbled under your breath.

He parked the car and told you to stay put, which you chose to ignore as you promptly swung the door passenger open and hopped out of the vehicle. After all, you were all dressed and ready for the beach, eagerly waiting to feel the sand between your toes and the sun on your skin -and to see your boyfriend shirtless- and instead, you were at Barrys. Not to pay off a debt and say Rafe was out, but too get more cocaine. You were upset and you were going to make sure he saw you each second he was with you so he'd feel bad about breaking his promise. Rafe rolled his eyes as you followed him inside, not really wanting Barry to see you.

Rafe and Barry greeted each other and you followed them towards Barry's room where the exchange was made. Rafe watched Barry count the money, his index finger tapping on the side of his leg as he waited. You stood in the corner of the room, unamused by your boyfriend as you watched him begin to chew on his lip as Barry furrowed his eyebrows and recounted.

"What are you trying to do, country club?" Barry finally asked.

"What do you mean?" A confused look crossed Rafe's face.

"You're 20 bucks short, man. You think you can just stiff me?"

Rafe looked at you and you held up your hands. "Why are you looking at me? I don't wanna be here in the first place and where the fuck would I hide 20 bucks? My bikini top." You glared. Rafe shot you another look. "I'm serious, Rafe. You wanna frisk me, be my fucking guest." 

Rafe looked at your face and saw you were telling the truth before turning back to Barry, who was eyeing you up as you talked at Rafe but moved his gaze back to the man in front of him when he thought of an idea.

"You know, country club. I could let it slide and still give you what you want. You'd just have to keep it hush-hush." He smirked.

"What do you want in exchange then? My truck? Bike? Uh…my watch?" Rafe began to take off the watch his father gave him but Barry held up his head, causing Rafe to look up at him.

"A couple of hours with her." Rafe followed Barry's pointer finger and saw you raise your eyebrows.

"Excuse me? Do I look like I wanna have sex with you?" You asked.

Barry's smirk only grew. "I like you. You're a feisty little thing I can tell."

Don't I know it, Rafe thought to himself as he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth.

You had to stop yourself from letting your jaw drop. He was actually thinking about it.

Rafe Cameron, your boyfriend, the guy who decked a kid in the jaw who had accidentally brushed his hand against yours when at a kegger once, was actually considering this guy's proposal. 

If Rafe said yes, you were a goner. There was no way you could overpower Barry. You could barely overpower your 12 year old brother when fighting for the remote and he was weak as hell.

"No. Its fine. Just give me the cash back and I'll come back when I have the 20." Barry gave him back the cash and Rafe nodded his head towards the door. "Lets go, baby."

You walked in front of Rafe and made your way outside, stopping right next to the passenger door, not opening it. 

Rafe came up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist. "Lets get home, baby. Put on a movie and lay down, have some fun just like you suggested." He grinned, kissing your neck as he repeated what you had said not even ten minutes ago.

You shrugged him off and rolled your eyes.

"What's up with that?" He asked, slightly offended at the actions.

"You actually thought about leaving me alone for a couple of hours with that guy, Rafe. That's what's up with that." You turned around to face him.

"I didn't though."

"You still thought about it Rafe. You thought about letting that man, that slimey, greasy, man, have his way with me just so you could get some coke."

"Hey, you're not in there with him, though. You're out here with me. Aren't you, Y/N/N?" You didn't respond. "Aren't you?!" Rafe hollered, causing you to jump slightly.

"Let me ask you this, Rafe. If someone came up to me right now and asked if I'd break up with you to date my celebrity crush, and I stopped to think about it instead of saying no right away, how would you feel?" Rafe clenched his jaw and didn't respond. "How do you think I feel right now after knowing that my jealous, possessive boyfriend who hates when a guy even looks at me, stopped and thought about a proposition his drug dealer brought up that meant he could still get his cocaine if he let his dealer fuck me and he'd let the 20 dollars slide."

"You don't know if he was going to fuck you." 

You let out a laugh in disbelief. "Don't play dumb, Rafe. You know exactly what he was going to do."

Rafe didn't say anything, just closed his eyes and started counting to ten to try and calm down so he could reason with you. He opened his eyes and went to speak but you were gone. "God, fuckin a." He cussed, grabbing his keys from his pocket and jogging to the driver side. 

He climbed in and started the vehicle before tearing out of the driveway. It's not like you had gotten far, jogging was faster than walking but not by much and Rafe saw you after just a mere 30 seconds of driving. You had slowed to a walk and when you saw his truck pull alongside you, you rolled your eyes and returned your gaze to the road in front of you. 

"Baby. Let's talk about this like adults." He sighed.

When you didn't answer, he sped up just a smidge so the bed was next to you, and pulled to the side of the road, getting out of the truck.

He stood in front of you. "You shouldn't be walking home. It's too far." You ignored him, going to walk around him but he just moved to be in front of you again. 

"Rafe, I'm warning you. Back the fuck off right now." 

"Just get in the truck and then we'll talk about whatever is going on up in that head of yours." He said gently.

"I already told you what was going on. You seriously thought about selling me out for sex just so you could get high."

"Y/N/N, get in the truck."

"It was disgusting that you hesitated before saying no.  What happened to me being your girl and no one else touching me or else you'd cave their skull in back there?"

"Get in the truck." He ran his hand through his hair, feeling himself getting angrier and trying to remain calm.

He didn't like yelling at you or getting angry at you, knowing how it scared you when he wasn't even yelling at you but someone else.

"You know, why can't you just get high with weed like JJ." 

And that was it. 

Rafe reached out and grabbed your chin, yanking you close. "Get in the fucking truck, Y/N." He seethed, his voice dangerously low. You tried to keep your face as neutral as possible despite how you felt on the inside. "Now!" Rafe yelled.

You flinched slightly before yanking your face from his grip and climbing into the passenger seat. You looked out the window as Rafe walked over to his side and climbed back in. 

You were a bit shaken up if you were being honest. Rafe had never yelled at you before today or called you by your actual name. It was usually your nickname or baby. He had also never grabbed you like that outside of the bedroom.

"I try to have a civil fucking conversation with you and you walk away. How fucking mature is that?" Rafe glanced over at you and you could feel his eyes on you but you just kept looking out the window. "And the fact that you think that just because I hesitated, I was going to give you over to Barry is fucking ridiculous. My brain was processing what he said, not thinking of letting him fuck you." Rafe was actually thinking of Barry's offer but you didn't need to know that for sure. "You're mine, Y/N. You hear that? M-I-N-E. Mine. I don't share my things with anyone and you know this." 

You swallowed hard at his words, taking in the toxicity of your situation right now. He wasn't the same Rafe that you started dating all those months ago. He was far from the Rafe who you let take your virginity when you hit month six of your relationship. He was far from the Rafe that the minute you said you were uncomfortable, was taking you away from whatever was making you uncomfortable or stopping what you were doing.

He was far from the Rafe you had fallen for.

"Drop me off at the chateau." You mumbled causing Rafe to stop his speech. 

"What?"

"Drop me off at the chateau." You said louder and slower. 

"What if I don't want to?" He huffed.

"Drop me off at the chateau or I'm calling JJ and he's gonna meet me at Tanneyhill and I'll let him tear you apart." 

Rafe's eyes left the road and he looked at you, still staring out the window. Rafe didn't say anything, just drove you where you told him to. 

The pogues sat on the porch and watched as Rafe's truck pulled up. 

Pope looked around at the group. "Weren't they supposed to be at the beach?" 

Kie shrugged as she watched your door swing open before the truck parked. "That's different. She's never done that before." She raised an eyebrow.

"What are you talking about?" John B asked.

"She just hopped out of Rafe's truck before it stopped. She usually stays in there for a minute after he parks." Kie nodded towards you as you walked towards them, rolling her eyes as if the boys should've known that.

Rafe sighed as he parked the truck and hopped out, jogging up to you and grabbing your arm. 

"Please just come back to Tanneyhill with me, Y/N, and we'll talk." 

You shook your head, retching your arm away from him. "We're done. Don't call me, don't text me, don't contact me at all. I can't do this anymore Rafe. I've tried helping you and being there for you and everything else during this...this...obstacle in your life and it's like you're not even trying anymore." You told him with tears in your eyes.

"What? No. No. No. I'm gonna get my shit together." He ran his hand through his hair.

Your friends stood up and slowly made their way over, not to eavesdrop, but just in case things took a turn.

"You keep saying that Rafe and I keep believing you but I can't. Not anymore. Not after today." You lamented, "Bye, Rafe. I wish you the best." You quickly turned and jogged into the chateau, feeling the tears start to fall.

"Y/N," he called, about to go after you but John B and JJ stopped him as the other two followed you inside. "Y/N!" He attempted to shrug off your two friends but when it was clear that they would not be letting him follow you without a fight, he pulled away, walking backwards to his truck. "I'll come back! You know I will! You're my girl!" He shouted as loud as he could.

John B and JJ stepped forward and Rafe pursed his lips before climbing into his truck. John B and JJ watched Rafe drive away before heading inside. John B sighed as he heard you cry in the bathroom, plopping down on the couch next to Pope as JJ found his home on the floor.

"Do we know what happened that finally made her break?" JJ asked, wanting nothing more to break the Cameron boys nose.

Pope shrugged before nodding towards the bathroom. "Kie's in there right now trying to calm her down and get her to talk about it." John B rubbed a hand over his face. "She's his girl? Really?" Pope raised an eyebrow, letting the two boys know that Rafes little shout was heard.

John B shook his head. "Not anymore. I think it'll take a miracle for her to go back to him."

"And he'd really come back here just to try and get her back?"

JJ looked at Pope with a serious expression. "He can fucking try but if he even looks at her, I'll break him. I'll take her to work with me if it means not leaving her alone for Rafe to show up and try to weasel back in." 

Pope licked his lips. "She seemed so happy with him in the beginning. I was honestly kind of rooting for them."

John B looked at Pope. "I think we all were." 

"And she was happy with him. Then he decided that coke should join the relationship and that's when it all went downhill." JJ added.

After an hour had passed and no more crying was heard, the three pogue boys got up and made their way to the bathroom.

JJ knocked on the door and Kie immediately answered. "Come in."

He opened the door slowly to avoid hitting anyone before the three boys made their way into the bathroom. It was a bit cramped but no one complained as they looked down at you with your head on Kie's lap, eyes closed as you slept.

"What happened ?" Pope whispered.

"He went to Barry's and was short twenty dollars. Barry said Rafe could still get the coke and not have to worry about the twenty if he could have a couple hours with her."  Kie started.

"Sounds about par for the course for Barry," JJ mumbled, knowing all about the dealer.

"Rafe thought about it before saying no. After a small argument and explanation as to why she saw his hesitation as a problem, she started walking. He followed, told her multiple to get in the truck but she didn't, and then he grabbed her roughly and told her one more time and she did because she was scared." The curly haired girl sighed.

The boys all shot each other a look but Kie quickly shut it down. "No. You are not fighting him. That will just cause more problems. We're going to ignore his existence and be here for Y/N. Understand?" No one spoke. "I said, Understand?" Kie said more sternly.

The boys all mumbled the agreements and JJ crossed his fingers out of sight. If Kie thought he was going to just let it all slide right by, she was wrong. No one hurt his friends and got away with it. She should know this by now.

"Now, can one of you be useful and put her to bed? Or am I just going to have to do it myself?" Kie raised an eyebrow.

"I got her." JJ muttered, walking over to Kie and picking you up gently.

He took you into what he claimed as his room and placed you on the bed, throwing a blanket over. He turned to leave but stopped, biting his lip for a second before turning back around and giving you a kiss on your forehead.

Now, here Rafe was, six months later, at The Wreck with Kelce and Topper, watching JJ and you wait for your food at the counter.

Rafe made a face and at the sight of you two close together and thats when he noticed JJ's arms around you, swaying you two back and forth.

Rafe's jaw clenched as did his hand that was around his glass of water. "What the hell is he doing with his arms around her?" His eyes narrowed.

Kelce and Topper looked at each other before holding up their fists. 

"Rock, paper, scissors, shoot."

Topper groaned as Kelce whooped with victory. "Tell him, Top."

"JJ and Y/N have been together for like a month and a half now." Topper muttered.

Rafe stared at his two friends. "And you guys didn't tell me?" 

"Well, we didn't think it was important and you seemed to be doing alright finally so we just kind of- Where are you going?!" Kelce asked when he saw Rafe get up from the table and walk out the door.

The two friends looked to where you and JJ were standing only to find you two not there.

They immediately got up, Topper pulling a 50 from his wallet and putting it on the table while screaming a 'keep the change Kiara' as they both ran out.

They watched as Rafe's truck pulled past them and out of The Wrecks parking lot.

"Hey man! You're our ride!" Kelce hollered.

Rafe's hand gripped the steering wheel as he drove, jaw still clenched. He stopped at a stop sign and slammed his hand on the wheel in anger. It was months after your guys break up and Rafe hadn't even looked at another girl the same way he looked at you, let alone thought about getting into a new relationship. But here you were, dating JJ Maybank for a month and a half apparently.

You always had been known as Rafe's girl, even after the break-up. He made it practically impossible for any guy to even think about talking to you because Rafe had the full intention of getting you back. 

But, of course, in classic JJ style, JJ had to steal what was his. Now you were referred to as JJ's girl but Rafe was too high or out of it to notice the change.

He pulled into the driveway of the chateau minutes after you and JJ did, you laughing at something JJ had said as you got out of his truck.  

You heard a car door slam and looked behind you, calling for JJ when you saw an all too familiar vehicle.

JJ came around to stand next to you and his eyes narrowed as Rafe stormed over.

"Im gonna beat you so bad you'll think your daddy did it, Maybank!" 

"Rafe! What the hell are you doing here?" You shouted at your ex.

"I wanna know why the hell I just heard that you're going out with him?!" Rafe stopped right in front of you.

You could feel the rage coming off of Rafe and you opened your mouth to speak but JJ stepped in between you two. 

"I suggest you back the fuck up and move on, Cameron." 

"What's funny is I'm not here for you, JJ. So I suggest you get the fuck out of the way so I can talk to Y/N/N."

JJ narrowed his eyes. "Over my dead body."

Rafe chuckled darkly as he nodded his head slightly. "That can be arranged."

"Rafe, JJ. Stop. This is fucking ridiculous." You pulled JJ back by his upper arm before turning your gaze onto Rafe. "We broke up Rafe. It's time for you to move on."

"No. You don't get to tell me when I should move on, Y/N. You don't get to tell me any of that typical bullshit okay? I already told you all those months ago that you're mine and that hasn't changed." He shot at you.

JJ smirked. "I think it has because now the whole island knows her as JJ's girl. Not Rafe's. JJ's."

Rafe took a step closer. "You watch your mouth, Maybank." 

"Or what? You gonna swing on me? I hope you do so I have a reason for beating you shitless." 

You turned to JJ. "Since you're not helping with this conversation, why don't you help by bringing the food inside." You held out the bag that contained your guys lunch and JJ sighed, taking it.

Not without one last jab at Rafe though by kissing you on the lips right in front of him. You were quick to stop a ready-to-pounce Rafe who went to lunge at JJ, but your boyfriend just smirked at your ex before heading inside.

"I'm gonna kill him." Rafe said, fists clenching.

"No you're not. Why can't you just accept the fact that I'm happy?"

"Because you're happiest when you're with me. Remember saying that to me that one night? When we were walking around at like 2 AM and you just said it out of the blue and then blushed cause it was only a month into our relationship and you didn't mean to say it out loud. You immediately apologized cause it was stupid and corny but I told you it wasn't if it was true and that I felt the same way with you. Remember that, Y/N." His demeanor changed from hostile to soft.

You closed your eyes and pinched the bridge of your nose. "That was before you were snorting lines for breakfast, lunch and dinner. That was before everything changed. Before you changed, Rafe." Rafe looked down at the ground in shame, fiddling with his fingers. "I wish that I tried harder to help you and keep you from where you are now. I wish I hadn't pushed your buttons that day when you told me to get in the truck and that I acted more mature than I did. I also wish I hadn't said the weed comment cause I know how much you can't stand JJ and were insecure because of my friendship with him and I guess you kind of had a right to be considering whats going on between me and him right now. In a way, I kind of egged you on with not letting you talk but that day you grabbed me and yelled at me, that was it. I couldn't stay any longer. That was the first time I ever felt scared of you."

Rafe felt regret and sadness wash over him. "There is absolutely no excuse for the way I grabbed you that day or how I spoke to you. That was wrong of me and I shouldn't have done that no matter how angry I was. I'm so fucking sorry for that. It's one of my biggest regrets." Rafe admitted looking at you. "If I could redo that day, I wouldn't have done any of that. I wouldn't have even gone to Barry's. We would've just gone to the beach like you wanted and then went back to my place for a shower and then watched 50 First Dates because you always watch that movie after a beach day. If I could go back before then, I wouldn't have had that line that started it all and we would've just stayed home from that damn party. " 

You smiled softly. "I appreciate you owning up to your actions, Rafe but that doesn't change anything that's happening right now. I'm not going to break up with JJ just to get back together with you while you're still using. Maybe at some point in the future we'll find our way back to each other but right now, you need to focus on yourself and getting yourself help so you can get better."

Rafe nodded slowly and it was quiet for a minute before he mumbled. "Does he treat you alright?"

"Hmm?"

"Does JJ treat you alright?" He asked a bit louder.

You smiled. "Yeah, he does."

Rafe nodded. "That's-" Rafe felt his voice crack and he cleared his throat. "That's really good, Y/N/N."

You placed your hand on his arm and gave it a squeeze, kind of like how a grandma would. "Take care of yourself, Rafe." Rafe nodded again. "Goodbye, Rafe." You sent him a small sad smile before walking off to the chateau.

Rafe couldn't bring himself to say that though. Instead, he said the one thing he never got to.

"I love you."

~~~~~~~~

[clichejoe]

3, 15, 20, 22, and 23 for the writing ask :)

Sweeeeeeet! More questions! I've just answered q3 in another post, but I'll give the others a shot! Thank you for sending these in!! (omfg this one turned out super long Im sorry lol)

15. What do drafting and revision look like for you?

Ooooh good question. Asked at a good time as well, because I feel like my methods have changed a lot recently because of what I've learned writing Candlelight. But let me give it a shot:

So drafting is pretty easy, I have a basic plotting document I saved back in 2017 that kind of helps me outline the beginning, middle and end of a story. I always used to use that religiously - I've planned a lot of stories and fics before using this method, but I've never finished them. Revisions always used to happen as I was writing - I'm a huge perfectionist and I edited as I wrote, which made me lose a lot of enjoyment of the process. I wasn't rereading what I'd done because I liked it, I was tearing through it with a fine-tooth comb, picking it apart until I hated it.

Recently, my plotting has become a lot looser. As I said, Candlelight had a beginning and an end. A general idea. That was it. Everything else kind of just . . . happened as I was writing it, and it's been a lot more fun that way! Revisions have changed too - I barely reread my stuff now (as you can probably tell by all the spelling mistakes in the text lol). I sit down on Monday to start a chapter and try and finish it by Saturday. I have an idea of what I want it to say, but everything else is a bonus and revisions are where I add a few extra words to make it look like what happened was on purpose lol.

20. Where do you begin a WIP? ex: a mood, a scene, a certain character dynamic, etc. Does this differ per project?

Usually with a WIP I have one specific scene in my head. And the mood of this scene for almost every WIP is the same.

It's the lowest point of the story.

Kind of grim, I know, but I love the scene where the protagonist fails, so spectacularly it looks like everything is lost. Usually for me a character dies in this scene as well. It's weird, I know, but I find that this scene works as like a base - from this I can build the character relationships, the high points, the joy of the story. Emotional contrast in stories are my favourite thing (can't have happiness without sadness etc) and it helps me establish where the bottom of that is. I can build it from there. The higher I take it at other parts of the story, the more painful I know this first scene is going to be.

It's also the scene I know (hope, really) hits the reader the hardest - the one they're going to remember. And that emotional response is also an excellent motivator.

22. How much of your own self/experiences do you believe pours into your projects? If this differs per projects, which projects have the most and least of you?

Accidentally? A LOT. I feel like I start every story with a basic idea, a setting, genre. A few characters. But then as I'm writing it and developing it, part of me just sort of leaks in unwillingly. For example, the A Game Called Werewolf horror story I'm working on with a friend has become a reflection on struggling with anxiety and existential dread - a feeling of a lack of control of your own life. Candlelight was meant to be a fun fanfic, but the previous isolation and loneliness of the main character became a key plot point because I, myself, was pretty lonely when I started it (having just left uni and friends etc. Dw I'm chill now).

23. What do you do to engage with your projects which isn't usually writing? ex: playlists, pinterest boards, etc. How much do they play a role in the development of your work?

I usually always make a spotify playlist for anything I'm working on. Pinterest boards as well. They don't really help me develop the work as they more help me get in the right head space before I sit down to write it. Or, if I've not worked on a certain project in a while, they remind me of what I was working towards. The key emotional impacts that I wanted the story to have and why these motivated me to start it in the first place.

[aldakat31415]

Ranpo x reader (ranpo is a bird change my mind)

You weren't the brightest of minds. Not that you were stupid, but being around the ADA had made you realize something. You were just average.

Not having a power, you didn't do all the more difficult work the others did. All you really did was file papers and sort through office stuff. It wasn't really different from any other job, with the exception of the gifted few who worked there.

Lately an issue had been pressing on your mind. The Agency wasn't safe anymore. You, without a power were defenseless to the wims of anyone who didn't like the company. After everything that had happened with The Guild and The Port Mafia you weren't sure if this is where you belonged anymore.

After you had finished your work you went directly home. Or at least that's what you had planned to do. Right now you were sitting on a park bench in the cold, staring out at a cruel unforgiving world. At least the nights stars kept you company.

And the reason for all of this?

You were thinking about leaving the agency. You were scared out of your mind whenever you went to work. Unsure as to when the next attack would be. You had seen some of your coworkers almost die, and had some moments yourself. Yes, you had known that it would be difficult. You were a detective agency, violent and horrible things you would see everyday. But that wasn't the same as being captured and almost tortured time and time again. You were a regular human, you couldn't do this like they could.

The only thing.. well person, that kept you around was someone the rest of the agency looked up to in esteem. A very silly man yes, but one who was anything but average. Capable of firguring out cases from the smallest of clues. But it wasn't his intellegence that had you so enthralled, it was the small friendship you two had.

You had met him before you had even come to the agency, an aspiring detective is what he had been. You didn't know what you wanted with life back then, you still didn't know now. But you were glad his dream had come true.

You didn't know him for very long before the agency, that much was true. But he was the reason you had gotten the job in the first place. After you had gotten fired and were almost on the streets, he had set it up with his new boss to let you become the secretary. That was a reason you were hesitant to go, the agency had saved you. He had saved you.

But it wasn't just the job that he had gotten you. It may seem small, but he also saved you from the dull menotony of life. He would sit next to you and talk after he had finished his own work (sometimes when he didn't finish it..), and he would bring you little trinkets he had found while he was out. Small things he had bought at gift shops. You had a small drawer that looked like a crows nest, havibg collected all these weird things. But it was cute and you thought it was sweet that he got you these things. He kinda reminded you if a bird himself..

Othertimes he would share his snacks, often bringing you a lot to make up for when you had forgotten your own lunch. He was sk nice to you and the agency had often teased you about it. Maybe that's why you started havung feelings for him.

You had felt guilty that he had been doing so many nice things for you, and you not doing the same for him. So that's when you started to help him out too. Bringing him coffee in the morning and helping him with his cases. You didn't think you were much help, but he said he didn't like to be alone when working. So maybe that counted as helping?

You two had also started going out for luch together and going to movies. After a while of fighting about it, it was decided that you would buy the movie snacks. And because Ranpo is Ranpo, you would always be broke afterward. Not that you minded, you lived spending time with him regardless to how expensive his snack taste was.

And then you had realized you loved him.

It would be dumb to say that snacks were what had changed your view of him. But it was kinda true. You two had been going to see a movie when he got an idea in his head and wouldn't let it go. He would pay for the entire thing.

You thought that was ridiculous and has no idea how he even thought of that being ok, let alone trying to make it happen. But he had been stubborn the entire trip to the theatre, and wouldn't stop even once we had gotten there. So when I had finally given up, I asked him this one question. Why?

"If I had known you for a month or even a year I would have let you buy them for me every time without thinking much about it. But, I've known you for almost four years, and during that time youv'e become my closest friend. I know we've only really known each other during the Agency, but we've become so much more than coworkers.. and you may think im silly for putting so much into snacks. But it's become our thing, so snacks are about as dear to me as you are.. so if their so important i don't want you to be the only one buying them. It's probably dumb, but.. it's one of those things I just have to do."

His words still rang clear in my mind, i had liked him before then sure. But after that i knew there was nobody else like him. Which would make it almost impossible to leave the agency.

-

-

Do i feel like editing this? No. Deal with the spelling mistakes.

Oh, and here

I cant figure out how to properly link it, but part two is in there somewhere.

[logically-asexual]

okay i'm already procrastinating and i don't plan on sleeping any time soon so here we go.

☆ ✩ my personal ranking for every season 1 Sanders Sides episode. ✩ ☆

i think it's going to be pretty similar to @dukeofonions' but let's see if i find something new to contribute haha. i see you didn't include that one about Patton in the Big Game or whatever, so i'm not including it either xd. also i think i'm going to count Accepting Anxiety as one episode only.

edit: i finished and now i dare you to drink a shot of water every time i say the word spanish or a version of the word comfort and become very well hydrated.

#16 I'm in a Disney Show

(i agree with dukeofonions here) i always forget this episode exists. it was ok in terms of being happy for real life Thomas but as a Sanders Sides episode it didn't do anything. the sides were just giving their opinions but it wasn't very funny or interesting. also i'm bitter because it made me look up the episode he was in and i didn't like it at all. i don't know if i'm too old for those Disney shows now but Thomas was literally the only good part of it, everything else was really dull and boring imo. a waste of time.

however, Logan supporting clickbait is one of the funniest things ever, and i'll never forget it.

#15 Becoming A Cartoon

i didn't hate this episode but it was just .. meh.. you know? several factors contribute to this. one, i couldn't feel much nostalgia for Butch Hartman's shows because i watched them in Spanish, and everything feels really weird when they speak English, i don't like how my old cartoons sound in English. two, it was disappointing to me because we were all desperately waiting for Plot™ and instead they give us this short episode about nothing (oh how the tables have turned now it's the other way around haha). and three, i didn't like the style of the animation :/ their faces and expressions freaked me out, Roman's douchey face still haunts me.

#14 Way Too Adult

here i'm biased because i don't like Patton much, and i didn't back when i watched the series the first time either, so this video was a little disappointingwithout the rest. also it wasn't relatable to me because i am still too young and dependent on my parents haha. but Patton is funny and it's funny to laugh at Thomas' struggling.

#13 The Dark Side of Disney

i've never been a fan of Disney movies. i actually never watched Mulan or the Lion King or Aladdin as a kid, so meh. i liked the ending, though, it was cool to see Virgil have fun and be right for once. it does make me a bit uncomfortable because the way Thomas tries too hard with Virgil's mouth movements and his low voice reminds me of a guy that had made me v uncomfortable not long before watching that video. so an icky feel overall.

#12 A New Year of Lying to Myself

this video was actually kind of fogettable to me. i had a hard time connecting the voices in the song to the characters and idk. i don't love it nor hate it, just .. neutral.

#11 My True Identity

pretty much the same opinion as dukeofonions, again. it's a good introduction and it's good that it was the beginning of it all but on its own it's not very special. i think it's awesome on Thomas to have come up with such a clever idea, like choosing the dad, the teacher and the prince and putting them together and match them with thoughts?? that fit so perfectly?? it really is just very impressive when you think about it, that it was just a random idea he had for a short 5 minute video.

#10 Taking on Anxiety

i liked this video a lot because when i watched it i had recently been a lot on tumblr, and found out through relatable posts that i had anxiety. so watching this video was really fun and it made me happy to feel so seen, specially the intro when Thomas just talks about what it's like to have Anxiety and Virgil is so smug about it.

- ★ -

okay now that those are out of the way things are going to get hard... all the following i love with all my heart so i'm going to rank them based on the smallest things.

#9 Growing Up

once more, Patton isn't my favorite. so that's why i'm putting this here, plus the echo at the end askjhsahg, but i love love this video. i remember we were waiting and oh so ready for the angst of nobody taking Patton seriously. and we received!! i love that though Roman and Logan are antagonists here, they're both so happy about Thomas wanting to have a healthy life. and i just adore the way Logan admits his mistake at the end and asks Patton directly. my heart... also aw.. the nostalgia. i remember none of us knew how to spell Patton's name and were writing it in very funny ways until Thomas and Joan told us lol.

#8 The Mind vs The Heart

when i watched this video the first times i didn't like it much, because i only had eyes for Virgil, but later i came back to it and loved it. so taking that into account i'm putting it here. logicality was the first ship i ever shipped in the show because i saw a gifset on tumblr of Patton screaming "what do you know about love?!" and Logan "apparently more than YOU" and the caption said "MARRIED", and i thought hey yeah... anyway. i love them. they're both my dads since that day.

this video is so so so relatable and i love it. Logan and Patton are so much fun arguing and i love how they compromise at the end and work together. im reconsidering.. i might move it higher? no, fine i'll leave it here.

#7 Making Some Changes

this video was absolutely hilarious. i personally couldn't see it as the Sides still once they were acted by Thomas' friends, i enjoyed it more as that bunch being silly and trying to be the sides but failing in so many ways, while sometimes nailing stuff suddenly. i really don't take this one too seriously as an episode. except Joan!Logan and Valerie!Logan, my beloved... i love how Joan acted as Logan and their voice and that they kept their ace ring on.. there's a reason i had them as my icon for so long. and Valerie looks a bit (a lot) like me with the glasses and dressed in dark colors, plus she spoke Spanish and there's .. no words to describe the joy i felt when seeing/hearing that. wait i'm getting emotional...

#6 My Personality Q&A

when i watched this Virgil was my favorite side and i didn't care much about the rest lol. when i heard his answers i related to him SO much it was scary, and also his voice is so soft and it was all very comforting. it was also when i first starting looking at Logan with more attention, because when he brought up Big Hero 6 and Fall Out Boy and said he didn't sing and would recite it like a poem? it only took a couple seconds but my brain said "me" and never went back.

now this video is a little underwhelming to watch for me, most of the appeal for me was in finding out the answers, and also watching it when we didn't know a lot about the sides. now we know more and want to know more so it's not as fun to me as it was first.

i wish so bad they'd do another one, although i know it would be more difficult with a much bigger audience, i think they can manage and i just need it. the chaos.. the energy.. they all being so savage with each other, learning little random facts about them you didn't expect.. i need it.

- ★ -

oh boy top 5 here we go. the next three are practically a tie. i can't choose.

#5 Alone on Valentines Day

i love Valerie, and the idea of this video was perfect and so perfectly excecuted. every side just giving their crazy opinions on how to woo a random stranger, i laughed SO much. first with Logan speaking simlish out of nowhere? at that point i didn't know practically anything about the sims except that it was some video game and the whiplash of Logan going AYO and the rest killed me. then when Roman whipped out that dialogue in Spanish??? my life was completed. i've never felt more happy than i did in that moment gosh. just the hilarity of Roman's drama, the shock of them speaking Spanish suddenly like that, the absolute JOY of seeing a creator i like speak (may i say) perfect Spanish, the other characters' faces after that.. never been happier.

also the conclusion was so cute. Virgil solving the whole problem without wanting to. i loved it.

#4 Am I Original

i think this video speaks for itself. it was fun to watch them all do the ideas Roman had, plus Logan and Virgil nodding at each other, (i love them so much), plus the angst at the end of Roman's perfectionism, plus Roman's just perfect name. this video has it all.

i think Thomas posted it kind of late at night and i watched it at 7am in the classroom as i waited for my classmates to arrive and the class to start. (i usually was like 40 minutes early to school due to mom’s work). i had to contain my laughter and it wasn’t easy.

#3 Losing My Motivation

i started loving this video after a while, when Logan passed Virgil in the position for my favorite side. but once he did this episode was beautiful. it's so funny and i love Logan and Patton's dynamic so much. and the video also so damn relatable in general. i felt so seen with it because they named all the problems i have when procrastinating, down to Patton's vague explanation of his feelings, it's exactly how i feel every time i want to do stuff. and the plot twist! i can hear the dramatic sound effect and see how they all turn to Logan clearly in my head, and it always makes me smile. plus there's so much Logan angst that can be dug up and overanalized. i love to watch it over and over.

#2 Accepting Anxiety

this video was perfect. everything we wanted. we knew it was coming and it delivered perfectly, better than any fanfic done in the waiting time. the week between the parts was agonizing but in a fun way somehow. i remember precisely when i was watching part 2 in my living room. i screamed. and i cried, a lot. i was feeling terrible at that time in my life and Thomas was such a comforting presence and i can't begin to describe how this episode made me feel.

and later it is always fun to rewatch with all their different reactions to being in Virgil's room, the energy of that was on point. Thomas is such a great actor and the characters where just amazingly performed. plus it gave so much to talk adn think about, the idea of the rooms, lots lots of insight into the characters, foreshadowing, so much. it's just perfect i have nothing else to say.

#1 (for purely emotional reasons, ironically) My Negative Thinking

i think Accepting Anxiety is the best episode of the season objectively but my favorite is My Negative Thinking. because i love Virgil and Logan so much and seeing them argue together was and is great. the comfort.. i can't repeat that word enough throughout this post. it's such a soft video while not being overwhelming with Patton and Roman's outbursts. just quiet (mostly) and clear and with perfectly timed humour.

Logan my beloved.. learning spanish... helping me with my own anxiety.. and their debate was so good. and the fact that they were friends i- i can't. Virgil didn't think Logan liked him and Logan told him explicitly that he did and the casual softness of it i cant even. Logan is happy that he tried.. it's just marvelous. Virgil and Logan as best friends will always be my favorite pair, and their dynamic will always be what i strive for in any relationship i might form, with both sides silently comforting each other within their own limits and realistic perspectives. so nice.

- ★ -

so yeah. that's all. thank you if you read all the way up to here. ♡ ♡ ♡

[spideeysense]

Fallin’ (Peter Parker x Reader)

A/N: This one is a bit sad, but I won’t give away the ending! It was loosely inspired by the song Falling by Harry Styles. I apologize for any spelling mistakes I wrote this late at night and lightly edited it! Enjoy :) 

Word Count: 1714

Warnings: mentions of cheating, harassment, alcohol consumption (Not heavy), sadness

Peter stares at the other side of his bed. The sheets are barely wrinkled, left untouched. Every so often he gets a scent of your perfume that clings onto the pillow. He’ll reach out in his sleep, and stroke his hand in the empty spot, searching for you. Yearning for your warmth. As his eyes focus on the ceiling, his mind wanders back to when he screwed things up. 

The drinks were flowing that night. You and Peter decided to join your friends at a new club that had opened down the street. Apparently, it was quite coveted. When you entered you had seen Peter disappear to get you and your group of gals some drinks. Then you moved towards shots of vodka. Shot after shot. His throat stung from the strong liquor. He had lost you in the crowd, no doubt you were gushing to your friends about all the secret details of you and Peter’s relationship, including the grittier parts. He was dancing out on the floor, mostly just moving along with the beat, keeping an eye out for you. His thoughts were swimming and felt mushy. His vision was blurred and the lights of the club created a painting in front of him. Suddenly he felt a body against him. Through his drunken haze he saw your haircolor. The body grabbed his hand and he simply followed. “Y/N” he murmured. “Where are we going?” He said cheekily. When the body tugged him into a quiet, dimly lit hallway. The body (your body?) pressed against him and pushed him onto the wall. “Whoa, whoa.” He said and braced himself by placing his hands on the body’s waist (your waist? He couldn’t tell now). “I know you want me.” The body spoke. It was not your voice. Peter realized it was your longtime friend, Madelynn. Peter shook his head. “No, no, let’s go find Y/N” He said, starting to pull away. “Come on, she doesn’t have to know.” Madelynn uttered her voice laced with lust. “No thank you.” He could feel his body go into panic mode, trying to sober up. “Maddie?” Peter could hear your voice. And then the next part broke him. “Peter?” You had said with so much emotion, he could hear the newly built distrust, and the sound of hurt. Peter realized how this situation must look. Dimly lit hallway. His hands on his girlfriend’s best friend's waist. 

“Y/N” He muttered. “What are you guys doing?” You whispered, he could tell that you were trying not to jump to conclusions. But he could tell you were on the verge of tears. 

Madelynn spun her head around, her hair whipping Peter’s face lightly in the process. “Peter just took me down this hallway..” Peter gave Madelynn an incredulous look. “What?” He said and pushed her off. “No no, you took me here.” 

Madelynn shook her head. “No Peter, don’t lie to your girlfriend like that.” She said, fake hurt in her voice. Peter turned to stare at you. Your eyes traveled between the both of him, and he suddenly felt the world around him crumble away. Who were you going to believe the most? Your best friend since diapers, or your boyfriend whom you’ve been with for three years. You bite your bottom lip in concern and turn to leave. That’s when Madelynn turns around, winks, and then runs after you. The rest of the night passes in a blur. You didn’t come home with him. Instead you left with Madelynn. He ubered home, and tried to call your cell but to no avail. The only way he knew you were safe was when you sent a text with only “Im at Maddie’s”.  After that Peter would only hear from you every other day. Avoiding his apologies, his explanation. No doubt you were confused beyond belief. 

He decided to get out of bed that day and speak with you. He spent his time getting ready, practicing what he was going to say in the shower. Letting the hot water drill into his skin, soaking away his melancholy. He got dressed slowly, pulling on a pair of trousers, a grey turtleneck, and a long black coat. Peter slipped on the watch you gave him on your first anniversary. One of your friends had spilled the beans on your whereabouts, you mom’s . He knew you would be there, it was a Sunday. Sunday was your cleaning day. You (and Peter) would spend the day cleaning the apartment you shared, every room, every corner. 

As he walked on the streets, his eyes glued to the ground. He thought about buying you a coffee and bagel at the coffee shop you first met each other at. Peter’s heart was gripped with heartache when he saw that it had been boarded up. A “For Lease” sign was taped onto the plywood. He continued on his walk until he found himself in front of your mother’s townhome. He rushed up the steps with great agility and paused in front of the door.

Memories flooded his mind. Christmas dinner. Halloween Parties. Valentines day. Your family had accepted and welcomed him with open arms. He thought about turning around, he didn’t want to cause anymore pain. Before Peter could retreat the door opened. There stood your mother, car keys in one hand, an empty grocery bag in the other.

“Peter” she muttered, a sad smile on her face. 

“Mrs L/N.” Peter said in a half whisper. “Can I come in?” 

Your mother nodded, when Peter passed her, she gave his shoulder a soft squeeze. “She’s in the kitchen.” 

The door closed behind him with a soft click. He could hear you humming an unrecognizable tune. The floorboards creaked under his shoes. “Mom?” You called out. The home smelled of cleaning products but also had a vanilla undertone. When he saw you, you were hunched over the sink. Bright orange rubber gloves on your hands, and you were gripping a sponge. 

 “Erm. No it’s me.” The kitchen fell quiet. You froze, and placed the sponge gently in the sink. 

“What do you want Peter?” You questioned him, leaning against the counter. “I just wanted to talk.” He said lamely. You rolled your eyes and returned to your cleaning, rubbing the ceramic of the sink way harder than you would've. 

“Our coffee shop closed. I passed it on the way here, and they put it up for sale.” Peter started, he nervously tapped his fingers on the counter. 

“Almost like a metaphor for us huh.” You whispered. The kitchen was quiet. Peter’s scent, his cologne, was overpowering and you almost broke down there. 

“Baby you have to believe me when I say that Madelynn came onto me. In the dark I thought she was you!” Peter had a hard time holding back. You didn’t face him. “Baby please.” He reached for your elbow, but you pulled away.  He heard you sniffle. 

“Peter I-” That’s when the waterworks opened. Salty tears started streaming down your face. 

“I believe you.” You whispered, this time, turning around to face him. You stared at his distress stricken face. His eyebags had deepened. His hair was coiffed, but a couple curls stood out. 

 Shock crossed his expression. “You what?” He muttered in disbelief.

“Look, a longtime ago, before I met you. I was dating this guy. His name was Henry.” You paused, taking off your gloves and twiddling your thumbs. “He was kind, and at the time, I thought of him as my whole world.” You met Peter’s dark brown eyes, they were filled with kindness. Always so kind and gentle to you. 

“Then I introduced him to Madelynn, and they totally hit it off.” You murmured sadly. You approached him taking both his hands in yours. “Maddie was always the hotter one, the prettier one, the one that the boys wanted to date.” You explained. “Henry cheated on me with her. She brushed it off as an accident, but I could tell it had been going on for some time.” You choked out. 

“Why did you keep her as a friend?” Peter muttered softly. 

You shrugged, you really had no concrete reason to be her friend. You had met your friend group through her, so maybe that’s why.

“And then, when I saw you together in that hallway-” Your voice wavered again, and Peter cupped your face. He pressed a soft kiss to your forehead. “I thought the worst.” He pulled you in for a hug, which you gladly accepted. You felt yourself melt into him. 

“I know you would never, ever cheat on me. But Maddie...It just all came back.” You muttered against the soft fabric of his turtleneck. You thumbed the material. 

“Lindsey gave me screenshots of Maddie bragging about how she could break us up, because I’m so fragile.” You continued, your voice breaking at the last word. “Then she could get with you.” You whispered against his sweater. You looked up at Peter with teary eyes. He stared at you with such love that it almost broke your heart that you hurt him. He bent down and kissed your lips.

“I’m so sorry I ran away.” You muttered and started to cry softly. Peter caressed the top of your head. “Shh it’s okay darling.” Relief flooded through Peter’s system. He held you there, against his chest for a long moment before you pulled away. You reached up and  held his face in both hands before pressing a soft kiss to his forehead, nose, and then his lips. 

“How about you take a small break, and we go out to get something to eat, that diner you like around the corner?” Peter suggested gently. 

 “Sounds perfect. Let me go get changed.” You said and left the kitchen. Peter eyed you, as you disappeared down the hallway. When you came back, changed in a simple set of clothes. You started pulling on your coat.

“How did I get so lucky.” He murmured to himself. 

“I don’t know, I’m quite the catch.” You giggled, and you both started to laugh as you left the townhome. 

Peter put his arm around your shoulders and pulled you close. 

“I love you,” he muttered into your hair.

“I love you too.”  

[l1ttlecreatures]

owen harper’s badges

i was struggling looking for places to get owen’s badges (and just find out what the badges actually were tbh) so now that i have finished im gna share my knowledge with u all 

if i missed any lmk and ill add them<33

lets start off easy dkjfh

red che guevara badge

this is a pretty common find

very easy to find ; ‘che guevara badge’ in ebay or etsy would do the trick

here is one: Che Guevara BUTTON PIN BADGE 25mm 1 INCH Political Student Cuba Face Revolution | eBay

uk subs badge

i love this band i will not lie 10/10 recommend

the photos we have of this are unclear - the badge looks mottled, like it could be khaki coloured in some photos, but there are no signs of badges like this online, so we could say its one of the more common black badges, but vintage, and has been weathered with time ? which honestly it looks more black in some shots than green

looking at different listings it does look like they fade to be greeny but i do not know

i dont have anything else to suggest so im going to blame it on weird lighting in the hub and move on

the plain black one is a common badge, one of the first things to come up when you type in ‘uk subs badge’ online (here is one for ur convenience UK Subs - Name Button Badge (rockbymail.com))

che guevara pop art badge (srry for lq image)

this one took me a while to find, but thats only because i made a spelling mistake and didnt realise for ages

id say its a pretty common badge, but it is out of stock everywhere- i put my email in on the site though so ill update the post if it comes back in stock (this site- Button, badge CHE GUEVARA - pop art | Tips for original gifts (ukposters.co.uk))

i managed to get one off of ebay, through a one-off auction, i dont imagine itd be too rare for that to happen again so just keep an eye out

manufactured by pyramid international, but is not on their site

8 ball badge

theres a lot of similar badges out there, and getting one slightly different probably wouldnt hurt that much

i managed to find an exact dupe on ebay (id drop the link but i got the last one)

this is a similar one: 8 Ball Pool 1 Inch / 25mm Pin Button Badge Black Snooker Billiards Hustler Fun | eBay

u can characterise it by the artificial reflection spot

crass anarchy and peace badge

to get an exact dupe of this badge would be pretty hard- i cant find a place that makes them with the red like owen’s instead of the black

because of this, im assuming that owen’s badge is a genuine one

if you want an exact one then keep ur eyes peeled on the likes of ebay, depop, etsy, etc one will turn up eventually

if ur lazy then a safe bet is probably just to get one made, or deal with it being a different colour (heres a link to one of those Crass - Anarchy & Peace - Button Badge - 25mm Punk Badges, Fridge Magnet Option | eBay)

john lennon badge

just a badge with john lennon on i found it pretty easily

John Lennon LP Cover badge Official Merchandise | eBay

siouxsie sioux badge

another punk icon i love siouxsie so much

this one took me FOREVER to find and it was so worth it i actually think its sick

this is the site i got mine from;

Siouxsie & the Banshees - Underwear Button Badge (rockbymail.com)

the clash badge

again... adore this band

i got the first one i saw on ebay, from this seller: THE CLASH Button Badge UK Punk Rock Band - London Calling, Combat Rock 25mm Pin | eBay, there is one left and i cant find another (red) for sale at the moment

there are a lot of similar looking badges out there, namely the same badge but with black text instead of red, which would work just fine (THE CLASH Button Badge - UK Punk Rock Band London Calling, Combat Rock 25mm Pin | eBay)

sex pistols im a mess badge

owen has good taste in bands

this one is pretty simple to find!! (was nice to have an easy one for a change)

owens looks to be light brown with blue text in some photos and then just look b+w in others; ur call

heres a link but if you look it up then youre almost guaranteed to find one

sex pistols im a mess | eBay

circle-a badge

kind of just ur bog standard circle a

if u want the exact badge then heres the link but ngl noones going to tell the difference between it and any other

Punk Rock Anarchy Symbol 25mm Button Badge (thevinylfrontierbarry.com)

i got my eight ball and sex and drugs and rock n roll badge (below) from the same ebay seller and they included a free one, and i love them for it

sex n drugs n rock n roll badge

pretty standard tbh

theres a few on ebay but if u google it then theres loads!!!

you didnt need me to tell u this

here is one: SEx n Drugs N rock n Roll 1 inch 25mm Button Pin Badge Punk Skin | eBay

and here is a holographic one because who does not enjoy a holographic badge SEx n Drugs N rock n Roll 1 inch 25mm Prism Button Pin Badge Punk Skin | eBay

yellow and black tongue stick out badge

this was one that i really had trouble with for some reason like i just could not find an exact match

i found a glittery one which honestly was very exciting for me

if you know where to get this badge pls hmu !!

manic street preachers badge

again, this is one i was unable to locate, unfortunately

this one was really bugging me so i made a post in forum to try and locate it, but i still came up empty handed. i think the best bet would be to get one custom made.

the text appears to be the logo on the front of their first studio album, generation terrorists (1992). i recommend btw. 

like the last one, if u have any info on where to get one of these then hmu !! ill add it 

sex pistols rock n roll swindle badge 

this badge had me confused for a while ngl

for a while i was sure that it was a different band and spent uh. quite a while looking for a badge that matched that description and then i checked my list again and i had a lightbulb moment where i realised that there were two sex pistols badges and id only done one (i may be stupid)

not that this realisation changed much as i still wasnt able to track one down anywhere

i played around in some editing software and made a (pretty bad but shhh) template thingy? which u can use to get ur own badge printed somewhere idk 

onto the final badge (thats if i didnt forget one)

go deh badge

original badge manufactured by london based brand better badges (known for being one of the biggest exporters of punk badges in the 70s and 80s)

i cant find a place to recover one of these badges - i can only find two pictures of it online (that arent torchwood screenshots)

your best bet would to be get one made i reckon

i also made a template thingy for this one in case u wanted to get ur own printed. the font i used was futura condensed bold in case u wanted to do ur own (instead of using my ugly little attempt)

bonus: the frankenstein patch 

Curse Of Frankenstein Sew On Patch Hammer Horror Film Movie | Etsy

dont think i missed any but in case i did then let me know!!! ill try my best to find them 

thank u for reading hope i helped ! <333

when i was identifying some of his badges this post by scarecrowprops on ig really helped (https://www.instagram.com/p/CLuW01IjliB/) nd also this post (https://iant0jones.tumblr.com/post/141100170804/owens-badges-on-his-lab-coat/amp) 

[deliontower]

Hard to Love

title- Hard to Love part 1 

Pairing- Sam x Reader (female)

word count- 3.2k

warnings- swearing, fluff, hinted death and mention of blood

summary-  Y/N meets the Winchesters after saving them from a witch, she takes a liking to Sam right away. After getting a call from Sam for help on a solo hunt, they both realised there’s more going on than they think. 

a/n- first part to a mini series! probably would be super long but im look forward to getting it all out there! Let me know what you think. All mistakes are mine so look out for them.   *gif not mine* i change to writing in second person in part 3, and will edit this to that when i’m free 

MAIN MASTERLIST | REQUEST OPEN  | series masterlist

MAIN MASTERLIST | REQUEST OPEN                                                        ----------------------

The first time I met Sam and Dean Winchester, I saved them. Obviously  I had heard of the Winchesters while hunting but they were nothing like i had imagined. While watching a witch on a case, I saw two guys walk right into the witches home. The home in question would have been covered in traps.

Sighing and rolling my eyes, jumping out of my aston martin to save the helpless pair. As i got closer to the house, i could hear shouting and bangs.

Looking through the window to see what was happening and spotting one of the guys  lay across the floor probably knocked out. And the other being held up against a wall by a spell.

Opening the door as quietly as i could so the witch wouldn't hear me, and began walking into the room. The one against the wall spotted me, to stop him from saying anything i put a figure to my lips.

"I know he's a looker but I'm sure there are easier ways than this" i smiled holding my gun to the back of the witches head, putting the trigger before she could make another move she fell to the ground.

With the witch being dead her spell was too, I waited to thanked but he ran over to his friend instead. "Dean?!". I watch how he shook 'dean' till he woke up.

He drowsily sat up and looked from the dead witch to me, watching them. "What happened and who is she Sammy?" he asked 'Sammy'.

I smiled my best smile and took this as my time to speak. "I'm Y/N, and I just saved you from that witch", pointing toward the ground where she lay. "I'm guessing you're Dean and Sammy"

Sammy looked really shy and looked down to the floor, he even had his hand on the back of his neck, "It's actually just Sam. Dean's the only one who calls me that".

Mouth open wide i rethink the situation, "Oh god. Are you two together? " i pointed to each of them in turn. "Awww, a hunting couple. That's so sweet".

They pulled apart from each other and stood up. "No! We are brothers! Dean and Sam Winchester" Dean said.

Breaking out in a smile and laughing, "So the big bad Winchester can't handle a witch on their own? And by the way, this was my case. Had to go for drink with the chief of police for information".

Sam walk to where  his brother stood. "Well thank you for saving us but we would of been find" Sam smiled to hopefully calm things down.

Now that was a smile that could get any girl he wanted. "Well why don’t' we find another witch and see how it goes?"

"Okay, you two need to stop flirting and help clean this place up" Dean said as he made his way over to you.

"Oh sweetheart. I haven't even started yet" i said stepping aside letting him deal with the body. Leaving them to put everything in order as I typed something on my phone.

"Aren't you going to help?" Dean called from the other room, while Sam was in the same room as me.

"I did the kill so you do the clean up." i walked around the room to make sure everything was good. "besides I have places to be and people to be with". Picking up a pen that was on a nearly by  desk in the room, walking up to Sam. "speaking of." i took one of Sam's big hands in mine and wrote my number.

Sam watched as I wrote then met my Y/E/C eyes with his hazel when I had finished. "Call me if you need some help or if you just want some fun". dropping the pen into his still open hand and left him shocked.                                                                                                         ///

In took 2 months before i heard from them again, after a 3 day long hunt I was resting at a motel when my phone started to ring.

"Hello" i called checking my nails as i wait for an answer.

"Is this Y/N?" a familiar voice said. I knew it but not where from.

"Well, you have my number so take a guess" i said moving to stand now. "Look if you need help tell me and I'll do what I can".

"It's Sam Winchester. You gave me your number" He said awkwardly.

Grinning i continue, "Sammy. So tell me is this call for business  or pleasure" playing with the lose hairs that had fallen from the bun I wore on lazy days.

"Kind of both" He laugh as the sound of a car went by in the background. "I'm on this case alone and need some help but I promise there's a drink in it for you".

"What about your brother? Aren't you two the golden boys?" I ask confused.

"something happened and I can't work with him anymore"  he explain, sounding like he didn't want to talk about it anymore.

I started to pack my things, "Okay, send me the address and I'll be there as soon as I can". Hanging up I  walked out of my motel room and headed to Sam.

After a 6 hour drive i arrived at the motel Sam was staying in.  He stood outside, against the hood of a car. "Well if it isn't Sammy Winchester!" i called cheerful to get his attention.

He laughed and shook his head, watching as you lock your car. "Thanks for coming Y/N" he sounded like he meant it too.

"Well I miss that face of yours" laughing, "So I should probably go and get a room, if you're staying here". Pointing to the main office.

"If you want you can share mine" i smirked at the offer, the joke was cut off when Sam started again. "Not like that! I have two beds and it'll be easier anyway". He smiled lightly having cleared up the situation.

Shrugging i followed Sam into his room. Just like he said they were two beds both made, didn't even look slept in. "Haven't you slept recently? You did call me pretty late last night".

Sam sat on the edge of the nearest bed, putting his head in his hands. A wave of sadness went through me,  the meaningless  flirting i had been throwing his way  would be wrong here. Sitting next to him, i placed a hand on his back. "Just a lot has happen since the last time we saw each other" he said into his hands.

"Do you want to talk about it? We've all been through stuff, we've all lost people. How else do we get into this life?" rubbing his back while i spoke. Under his shirt I could feel how tight he held himself, just how much he held inside.

Feeling some for the pain loosen, he picked his head up to face mine. "It's a long story" he said quietly.

"I have all the time you need" I  smile sweetly as i continue to run my figures across his back. It felt like he was beginning to melt into my touch but then suddenly realized what was happening.

"emm. We should talk about the case" clearing his throat he moved as far as he could from me. My hand still in the position it had been in. Watching him walk around the room picking up his laptop and coming back over to where I still sat.

"Yeah we sure." watching him closely as he pulled up the right pages. "so what was so bad that you needed me?" I laugh but it didn't sound like my normal one. Thanking god that Sam didn’t  know me well enough to notices.

"Vampires, a whole lot of them" he said as he pulled up a name of vics. "3 deaths happened at the same time, caught on camera and everything".

"Not smart are they? So you got a locate on the nest or are we drawing them out?" I asked reading through the files.

Sam went still for a second, "I need your help luring them out, the last 3 vics have been young girls, probably drunk" Sam explained while you waited for the 'I'm joking'.

"You called me all the way here to use me as bait? Do you think I have nothing better to do?"  angry began to rise in me. "You know I'm good right?! Not just get by good, I'm great! And I don’t need  the Winchester stamp of approval" . I jumped up from the bed and slammed the door shut after I left the room.

I pulled open the door to my car, getting in and lent back until my breathing evened out. The door on my other side opened, Sam come and sat in the car. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that" Sam spoke before I  could tell him to fuck off.

"I don't want any special treatment just because I'm a girl. Like I said before, we have all been through stuff and lost people. Just remember that" the seriousness in my voice was a shock even to myself.

"I won't do it again, I promise" he took note of the seriousness and the lack of the smile that I never let drop.

Sam pov

The rage that burnt inside Y/N had took him back. From the first time he met her, the day she saved his and Dean's asses. He couldn't get you off his mind, even after all the shit he had been through. He had called her just to see her again and maybe have some light back into his messed up life.

It felt good to have someone who didn’t know about everything he had been through and to have someone who was so open and free.

"If I have too and it’s a big if, I will help lure the vamps out. But it's gonna cost you more than one drink" some of the seriousness had turned to a joke but her eyes stayed the same.

"whatever you want" he said smiling a little, she was truly beautiful, she always held him in awe, he hardly knew her but he liked her more than he thought was possible.

You both went back into the motel and went over the play, you weren't to happy with it but agreed if you got unlimited drink whenever you two met up and he owned you no matter how big the ask was.

Reader pov

I sat at the bar with my second drink in front of me, Sam was somewhere in the back watching for anyone watching me. Faking my alcohol intolerance was the hard bit, normal two drinks were nothing but this time I had to act like I was losing focuses.

With a  machete on your back, hidden by my jacket I slowly made my way from the bar. Stopping Sam and giving him the single. I stopped half way and held on to the wall to act like I couldn't walk.

The cold air outside felt welcoming on my face, maybe the alcohol had gotten to me more that I had like. "How you doing, pretty girl" someone whistled from behind the bar.

I tuned to face the person with a large grin and waved, the voice belong to a 30 odd looking man, he didn't look too bad either. "Hey, I'm just heading home" I struggled  to pull my keys from my pocket. "I'm still good to drive-" I laughed then continued "I hope anyway".

I tripped, the guy caught me. He moved to fast to be human. I held on to him and even lent in. Giving him the idea I was some dumb drunk girl.

I bit my lip and pulled away, my hand reaching to my back where my  machete lay. He seemed to believe that I was out of it enough to let his cover drop.  

His teeth were out in seconds, "you have no idea what I have in mind for you" he grinned, I tried to moved away but two bodies stopped me. "I have some friends with me this time, Hunter" he spat out the hunter part.

I dropped the acted then, "look you got me, lets make this easy for the both of us" I pulled my   machete from back and swung of the two behind, both fell to the floor. Their blood pooled at my feet, just as much covered my neck and face.

"Now tell me are you alone or is their more?" I swung my machete around.

"you bitch" he yelled and slapped you to the ground, I wiped away some blood that had come from a spilt lip.

"I think she asked you a question" Sam said from behind the vampire, I smiled as Sam got closer.

"Did I mention I had my own friend with me?" I stood up while Sam held the vamp in place. "So tell me are you alone or are there more of you?" I put my machete to his throat.

After not much of a fight he admitted he was the last now, after Sam had used his own  machete on him we worked on clear up. It was pure good luck no one else had left the bar and that it was too cheap for cameras of any kind.  

We threw the bodies in the boot of Sam's car and headed to the woods. The fire burnt fast in front of you both.

"So what are you gonna do now?" I asked Sam.

" I have no idea. Being with you on this hunt has made me see I hate being alone" Sam face frown as he watched the fire.

"I bet your brother misses you, I don't know what happened but don't let it get to the point where it can't be fixed" I said pulling his attention to me.

"How can you be so sure? Somethings  just can't be fixed" he said weakly.

I smiled and went to hold his hand, "You can tell me anything, if you regret it then you never have to speak to me again".

"I think I'll take you up on at" he held my hand back and smiled. His smiles were these rare things that overtook everything.

 Sam pov Y/N was great at acting her part even if she did hate it, she didn't truly shine until she took two vamp's heads off in one movement. The blood at hit her face and neck didn't bother her one bits.

When the vamp slapper to the floor he stepped forward. She smiled when she saw him, her Y/E/C shone brightly. The eyes and smile made his heart stop for a moment, the pure bliss he felt of that moment.

They dealt with the vampire rare fast then headed to burn the bodies.                                                 ////// Reader pov

The car ride back was quite but it felt good. Watching as the trees turned into homes and shops. The small motel you were staying in my decent for a night stop but nothing more than that.

I was dying to have a shower and wash away the sweat and vampire blood from my skin. I pulled my hair from the tight bun that had been in for what felt like days.

"I'm going to fall asleep in that shower" I laughed throwing my jacket onto the bed. "I have hardly slept in 4 days" I laughed heading to the bathroom.

Sam's eyes watch as I walked across the room, I turned and winked at him, "Always room for two" I joked lightly but somewhat hoped he would.

I didn't stay to see his face or if he was thinking about it. The bathroom light was low and didn't do me any favors. I ran the water till it ran hot before stripping down.

The red water flowed down the drain as you stood under the warmth the shower gave me, as the day went out the more I wanted to crawl into bed.

The split on my lip strung as the water hit it, give it a few days and it would be gone it wouldn't leave a scar. My hand ran over the lager scar that ran down the length of my tight. Scars were the only memory I had of times in my life and the people in it.

I noticed then I hadn't brought in a change of clothes, I had two opinions go out in nothing but a towel or just use my under wear which happened to be lace, my best pair.

I chose to go with the opinion that meant I was wearing something, even if it was just underwear.

Slowly I opened the door to see what Sam was doing, he was shirtless. Crap. Sat on his bed reading something. "Sam" I called out from the small crack.

He looked confused then remembered I was in the bathroom. "Y/N? is everything okay?" he asked.

"I forgot to bring something to change into- can you dig through my bag and find my night shirt" I ask watching him, look around the room for your bag.

"I don't see it but have one of mine" he walked to his bag to find a shirt. Knowing I hid for a reason he passed the shirt in to small gap. "Only for tonight right?" his hazel eyes shone bright.

"yes" I breathed out, what else was there to say. All the flame had burnt out and once again he left me feeling breathless around Sam.

His shirt smelt like him, like fresh air and trees, from all the time spent outside and travelling with the windows down.

He went back to reading whatever his book was, while I threw myself into bed. 4 days for little sleep hit me intently and it didn't take long until I was asleep with the smell of Sam surrounding me.

Sam pov

He woke up at what he guessed was mid day, the afternoon light shone across the floor. He rolled over in bed to face Y/N, she had on some jeans and his shirt from last night. She was reading a book, she bit her lip while she read.

Feeling his grazes on her, she stopped reading and looked at him, "Morning Sammy, or should I say afternoon?" she closed her book and placed it on the bed.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" he asked sitting up in his own bed.

"You looked so cute and I could tell you hadn't slept in days" she said giving him a small smile. "If you don't have anywhere to be, I thought we could hang out today and get that drink you promised me" she pulled her hair down and let in surround her.

For a moment he lost his breath, Y/N had this ability of being so free and not caring but now and then she held herself back. Like the night before when she had jokingly invited him to join her in shower but then hid inside until she had something to wear.

"I have a day or two free" he say then smiled when she broke into a wide grin. He knew he was falling but he didn't care, this wild girl would change everything.

part two

[hyunarkarchive]

oh my stress;;

“'tis i, a writer, togetherslapper of words.” 

knowing that my own five year anniversary at rookies is in about two months makes me actually really emotional, and most of you know, i don’t really get emotional about stuff like this.

i’m here to talk about all the fucking shit storms i brought. starting from good ol’ ellyrk, who turned into yuriirk and currently known as hyunark, as well as, rkxwoozi, aka jihoonrk, fucking namtaerk, eunwoork, minhyunrk, younghyunrk 1.0, junhoerk aka younghyunrk 2.0. i am about 100% sure i’m missing someone BUT YOU KNOW, we can let that muse stay in dungeon vile. 

not even 10 minutes later 

oh yeah- minhork was it? minhxrk??? idk what his url was, shortlived lovely muse i tell you. jisungrk was a thing for like 6 months. however, as you can see, i have a lot of muses, 11 in total, well 8 if you remove younghyun 1.0 & 2.0 and jihoon.

its been nearly five years since i joined rookies and ive made a lot of memories here. good, bad, amazing, mediocre. a lot of memories than pretty much just range. can you believe i’ve actually cried a few times about rookies related thing? yeah, me neither, but here we are hahaha. i will probably not edit this at all, so if you see spelling mistakes, or maybe something is repeated, just ignore it please, its from the heart.

this place really helped me develop my writing, vocabulary and definitely social skills. i might suck at threading and replying on time, but i have to say, all the muns here are amazing!!! i remember when i first joined, oh boy was i fucking terrified of the fact that i SUCKED at writing. i was so cautious about what i write and how i spoke and i think some of you could remember it haha. i’ve also managed to make some amazing friends throughout my stay here, all of them older than me, as well haha and i was babied so much i always found it funny, but very thankful because some of the life lectures i got where definitely needed.

however, i will take a few minutes to write about the last three standing; hyunark, jihoonrk and younhhyunrk

hyunark: 

my first ever tumblr muse. my first rookies muse. my longest standing muse. she;s gone through a lot, and honestly, she will continue to do; i wasn’t all that good with her in the beginning, now i see a lot of gaps and weird stuff whenever i have to go read something to remind myself of events and so on. however, i really love her, and i’ve gotten a bit too attached to her haha. can you blame me tho? from ellyrk, to yuriirk, now hyunark, there have been alot of ups and downs but i am happy where she’s come. to being a potential walking scandal, to being in two survival shows, to being the first muse at rookies to not be offered a contract renewal, to another survival show, to a nova trainee after being cut short twice by hyunbin. she had gone through alot of character development and its shaped her a lot better than i ever could, for which i need to say my thanks to the mods of rookies for it, because without them, hyunark would probably be headed in a completely different direction haha. however, she still focuses on producing, writing lyrics and ever since she got into nova as a trainee, she’s focused on her dance as well because she doesn’t wanna be called an uncooked noodle anymore. her dream is to be a recognized producer and lyricist, and will fight for that title.

jihoonrk:

jihoork was previously known as rkxwoozi. i even used his original blog when i re-applied with him;; he lasted a bit under a year in all honesty the first time and i specifically remember that the reason for that was being signed under trc. it was a pretty unfortunate time for him to be signed, with all the scandals that happened and what not. i was a tad regretful that i dropped him to be honest, which is all the reason to why he was brought back. tbh, he didn’t change in that like 6 months gap he was away. he was the same moody gremlin everyone knew and loved. if you had asked me, a few years ago if i thought jihoon would debut, i’d laugh and say no fucking way, but here we are, when he is a member of convex and got to debut with his longets lasting friend, sehun and best friend seungcheol. so he is living the dream you know? even if he doesn’t show it, he is grateful and appreciates everything that’s happening around him and to him. his main goal right now is to be the variety ace of convex and is working slowly to achieve that goal.

yonghyunrk:

ahhh here we go;; my last muse who had to undergo something similar to jihoonrk;; i brought him in, because i had this idea of a metal head, who really just wanted fame and girl and guys. however, stuff happened, i couldn’t get him to have threads i wanted and so i dropped him. again, i pretty much reapplied a few months later with junhoerk which was basically younghyunrk 2.0 and eventually, i realized that the muse deserved its original fc and here we are again with younghyunrk. to be honest, i don’t even know how i managed to get him to go to mga4, but he went and caused chaos with chungha and we all know how much fun he actually had haha;; he still doesn’t like dance, and will probably not enjoy it until he gets signed and coach tells him he can’t dance and JUST out of spite, he will get better at it. ultimately, he wishes to debut on a band, he wouldn’t really mind if he gets placed at any instrument, as long as he gets to sing. he still wants to reach paradise city, as guns ‘n roses have said.

quick mentions to some of my other muses as well. its funny how all my other muses lasted for months as well;; honorary mentions will go to namtaerk, minhxrk and probably minhyunrk, i won’t be really talking about them, so focusing on eunwoork and jisungrk;

i can without a doubt say that these are my more interesting muses, or eunwoo at least. her dream was to become a musical actress and was a serial dater; she’d date a lot of people, girls and boys, and wouldn’t really bat an eyelash once it was all over. never really had long term relationships either. she was into photography and her photography instagram was more popular than her personal one and she didn’t mind haha.

jisungrk wanted to be a professional football player and he was never really interested in becoming an idol, which made him fun to play. however, he was a really young muse, i think i made him 16? yeah, i think he was 16 and after that i realized i can’t do young muses;; its just weird for me, i have no clue what middle school kids actually do haha, i remember i just slept and did nothing all day, didn’t even study whoops. 

but yeah, these two muses were very short lived but fun and i think that one day, if rkforthmuse is allowed, i highly doubt it, i will bring back eunwoork because she deserved more attention than i ever gave her.

now i will do a few mentions, by a few i mean it will be a lot;; i’m sorry if i get sappy or anything;; please accept my love <33

ABBIE - @seungcheolrk​ & @rkwon​ & @rkgwen​ - sunshine, my lovely amazing sunshine;; thank you. thank you, thank you. its been nearly five years of friendship, can you imagine it? soon, in just two months, it will be half a decade and i am extremely grateful;; i can’t explain it and i know that even saying it on a daily basis to you, it won’t be enough;; its funny how we started talking through rksoo and ellyrk, and now here we are, four years later, rkjicheol being in the same company, debuting together, in the same group. in all honesty, i remember when i dropped jihoon and then picked him up after like, literally two months, and it was one of the best decisions i ever made. i always have fun talking to you, plotting and threading and i honestly wish i did it a lot more than i currently do, but you know, uni is kicking my ass hasljdhlas anyway;; thank you, sunshine, thank you a lot and for these almost five years i love you a lot 🍅🍅🍅

HUNNIE - @yutark​ & @rksunwoo​ & @rkseokwoo​ - where do i even start?? like, oh wow, there is A LOT;; i can definitely say, we started talking when i suggested jihoon as sunwoo’s first kiss and look where the are now? dating, for what? seven months, can you believe that? SEVEN!!! this is insane haha;; and look and where we are now, talking on a daily basis, and its very very nice;; i don’t know what i would do nowadays without you, so i’m really really thankful you deal with my sorry ass so much ahdsdsalla it started with jihoon and sunwoo, then it transitioned to younghyun and yuta, and most recently, its been yuta and hyuna and their lil game of cat and mouse;; its always fun plotting with you, threading, talking, everything really;; and i really hope it will continue to be this way;; i love you

LYN - @rkxsnn & @rkavery - hello there mum!!! impressed im starting with you? anyway, i have A LOT OF THANK YOUS TO TELL YOU, starting from dealing with me, to helping me get through college, to life advice, to all the skype calls we had, a lot of things in these past few years. even if we don’t talk as much and i know you have life kicking u in the ass, i wish we could change that soon;; i miss you a lot;; all of your muses are amazing and i absolutely adore them, as much as i do you!! hmu soon;;  minsoo and elly were iconic, and he will forever be a huge part of her;; remember that mino and taehyun ship we had? good angst times lbr.

JEN - @yujurk - sup there mum number 2 even though i act older than you, you can’t even lie about that haha; you were one of the first people i started talking to in rookies, and still do on a weekly basis? daily? you get the point haha;; damn, i don’t think we ever argued as well, which is insane and you do give good advice and oh my god your muses are so funnnnnnnnnn bring all of themmmmmmmm innnnnnnnnnnnnn;; i’m so so happy that you came back to rookies after that hiatus;; really really happy;; jieun and hyuna are iconic partners in crime;; jihoon is grateful that jieun taught him how to sing;; hyuna thinks soyeon will forever haunt her, no doubt;; jkook is forever jihoon’s bunny you can fight him about it;; eunwoo says jkook never took her on a date, she’s upset about it haha

CLARA - @rkwendy​ & @rkjohnny​ - clara clara clara. you really love having me send the group chat into gay panic huh? i will forever continue to do it, do not worry. once a week sound good? hahah;; i wish we talked more than we do lately, but its always fun no matter what it is;; i also know for sure, you have my back and we can take over a country if we tried hard enough lbr;; i think we mainly stared talking when the brosquad/antisquad happened, which was pretty much when i joined rookies haha;; so again, nearly five years of friendship look at that!! we need to talk more and you need to tell me more baking recipes!! i think it was hyuna and wendy that we first got to interact and then wendy and jihoon and funny enough, i feel like jihoon and wendy are closer than hyuna and wendy haha;; then younghyun joined the picture to fully annoy wendy out of this word;; we need to thread more sobs;; lets make that happen yeah?

SHINOBI - @rkkangjoon​ & @rkgray​- hello there shinobi. i think our meet up scenario was the same as with clarea, huh?  brosquad/antisquad;; we should talk more, that’s a definite but i think that with hyuna&kangjoon we have gotten a lot closer than before and its really cute and nice and i love it qwq gray and hyuna need to release a hit song someday, we better make that happen yeah??? good!!

SACHA - @rkrose​ & @rkkyungri​ - i am super super duper ultra mega giga happy we got to talk a lot in the past few months, get to know each other and its very very nice;; i always have fun talking to you and i know i can lean on you if my day has been shitty, and i am sorry if i’ve had a lot of shitty days sadhljsajldnl ahhh, but yes, our muses will go through a lot and i’m really happy you enjoy it and i hope we can see them grow and develop!! 

ANI - @rkchungha & @rksohee& @rkmiya​ - what am i actually gonna do without you, that’s a very very good question i was asking myself recently. its really weird we never really talked a lot until younghyun was brought into rookies, which was i think this year huh? funny, very weird, what life was i living without you in it?? hahaha, anyway, i’m really glad and happy having chungha and younghyun so close got us to be closer as well, even if i set you into rp panic with random questions and potential scenarios haha;; i’m glad you enjoy them;;; love you lots!!

CARLY - @taeminrk & @rkluna & @danielxrk - we don’t really talk much, but in reality, i actually don’t know where i’d be rn if i couldn’t come to you with stupid questions and inquiries;; i wish you all the best in every possible aspect of life and love seeing you on the dash;; ngl i am also extremely and forever sorry that you have to read through hyunark’s post from like three years ago, that;s some nasty writing right there yikes;; but thank you for taking rookies under your wing and just expanding it and making it better and better with the rest of the mod team;; keep up the good work!!

a very special thanks to all of the royal girls, @rkxnarong , @rkyena , @rkella , @rkcheri , @rksoohyun , @rklisa , @rkrose who made royal survival a blessing, her stay in royal amazing as well;;  special thanks to all the royal boys, ex ones count as well, fight me @rkbyunbaek , @jaehyunrk , @kibumrk, @yienrk , @rkseonho,  thank you for being a part of hyunark’s journey in royal fun and emotional lbr;; you guys managed to make royal fun for me as well, so thank you so so so much to every single one of you guys;;

a huge thank you for og trc roster that’s still here and dealt with jihoon;s sorry ass back then; a huge thank you for the kt roster that had to deal with jihoon as well, even if it was for a short amount of time;; a huge thank you for sphere, and convex members @seungcheolrk , @rkhyun , @rkjinwook , @kibumrk , @rkjinkis , @rktaeyxng , @tenrk , @rkxroyal , @rkohsehun , @yienrk , @rkromeo , @rkzyx, who will now have to deal with jihoon like it not, but i apologize on his behalf;; even if i don’t say it often, i am really really happy jihoon got to debut with your boys and i’m happy i get to interact with all of you so much;; thank you, thank you, thank you;;

thank you rookies, for such an amazing time!! i can only wish and hope for many more!!!

[blackcatt4211]

Hello everyone! This message goes out to all the fans of monsters under my bed. If you haven’t checked it out already I highly recommend it, I’ll leave a link in the description below.

For anyone who hasn’t read ‘monsters under my bed’. here is the link I hope you enjoy and tell me what you think of it. I’m always open to suggestions and advice for the story to make it more enjoyable for you. all suggestions are taken very seriously and I alway love hearing positive feed back. It helps keep me motivated when I know ppl enjoy my work. also Here is the summary and tags to what this book is about.

WARNING!!! This is a rated ‘R’ story filled with graphic violence, nudity, and fowl laguage. People who are under the age of 18 shouldn’t be reading this. It is a very mature (not really mature but more for adults) book and if you don’t like this type of content. Simple answer... don’t read

I will tell you now I do not tolerate hate comments on my work so please lets be friends every one :3 mew

(please scroll down more for the update on ‘Monsters under my bed’)

Monsters under my bed

by

BlackCatt4211

Fandoms:

Undertale (Video Game)

Not Rated

Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con

F/M, M/M, Multi

Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Rape/Non-Con

female reader/Sans

female reader/papyrus

female reader/Red

female reader/ Edge

female reader/Slim

female reader/Black

female reader/Blue

female reader/Stretch

Swapfell frontcest

Alphys/Undyne (Underswap)

Female Reader - Character

Swapfell!Papyrus

Swapfell!Sans

Underswap!Papyrus

Underswap!Sans

Undertale!Sans

Undertale!Papyrus

underfell!papyrus

underfell!sans

Underlust!Sans

Underlust!Papyrus

genderswap!Sandra

Genderswap Papi

Underswap!Undyne

Underswap!Alphys

Sibling Incest

Mistress

Hiding a true self

menchen of self harm

Sex

Smutt

Massages

Fluff

Cute and fun dates

awkward moments

Teasing

may add more tags

Attempted Rape/Non-Con

suggestion of HoneyMustard

Suggestion of PuffBerry

graphic description of violence

Threesome - F/M/M

Polyandry

Troubled Past

Slim's a pervert

Douche bag ex boyfriend

Violence against women

Summary

You lost your job, your boyfriend cheated on you with your best friend, and got kicked out of your apartment. Where do you go? A trip to the bar should help you think. Little did you know... that night changed your life forever.....

Hello all my fans, friends, and followers. We have come a long way from when we first started this book. It was originally just a side project, a random Idea that came to my mind at the time. After reading TONS of Undertale fan-fictions and comics, seeing all this fan art, (and working on actual side projects that was sadly never completed or never got posted, still have all my work but some of it is just terrible lol) I finally decided what to find out what it’s like to write a story based on the reader’s side of the story.

technically, my first readers view was a different book called “Finding Myself”. My first attempted of a reader’s P.O.V. book with Underfell!Papyrus/Reader/Underfell!Sans relationship. it was also my first experimentation of a 3-way relationship. It was about how our dear reader fell into a teffying place, Underfell and was found by UF!Sans. he took her back to his place where later on you meet UF!Papyrus and you fake a relationship with UF!Sans in order to live. UF!Papyrus gains an interested in you and thats when things started going wrong. you realize you have this dangerous amount of power and it becomes a terrible problem. (There’s a brief description on ‘finding myself for those of you who are interested.)

I had never attempted anything like it before and unforchanetly, I have gone on a hiatus on it due to lack of motivation and that this book is pretty much the only work I was focused the most on when I started getting more and more encouragement and suggested just pored in so when ‘Monsters under my bed, took off ‘Finding Myself’ was sadly left behind as of many of my other works. However, that doesn't mean I abandoned it. As of my other works.

See when I get an Idea I always write it down and come back to it, because life can get very, very busy. So I can always come back to any work I choose even if years had past. Pretty neat huh. However, in order for me to get the motivation to return to any past works, I need motivation (such as comments, like’s and suggestions). So for those of you who want me to work on older work you gotta tell me. But thats not why you guys are here.

For those of you who haven’t left yet from my ramblings heres a brief update on most of the change’s in ‘Monsters under my bed’ ;

Major Changes

‘Mistress’ Is no longer chapter 1 and became the introduction

The fighting scenes updated

The interaction with Slim outside in the parking lot is a little longer

Most (if not every)  grammar mistakes has been fixed

The reader now wakes up differently next to Slim

Texted edited in Grammar and spelling

Text updated based on Characters

Updated fluff scenes with certain characters to add more fluff and feels

Chapter’s 2,3,4 is now chapter 1 and is now called ‘Where am I? When do I move in?’ (Word count 4003)

Chapter’s 5,6,7 is now chapter 2 (Word count 3575)

Chapter’s 8,9,10 is now chapter 3 (work count 3690)

Chapter’s 11,12,13 is now Chapter 4 (word count 3132)

Chapter’s 14,15, 16 is now chapter 5 (word count 3718 )

Chapter’s 17, 18, 19 is now chapter  6 (word count 3641)

Chapter’s 20, 21, 22 is now chapter 7 (word count 4427)

Chapter’s 23, 24, 25 is now chapter 8 (word count 3351)

Chapter’s 26, 27, 28 is now chapter 9 (word count 3411)

Chapter’s 29, 30, 31, 32 is now chapter 10 (word count 5108)

Chapter’s 33, 34, 35 is now chapter 11 (word count 3654)

Chapter’s 36, 37, 38 is now chapter 12 and is now called ‘A date with Red’ (word count 3477)

Chapter’s 39, 40, 41, 42 is now chapter 13 (word count 4659)

Chapter’s 43, 44, 45 is now chapter 14 (word count 3657)

Chapter’s 46, 47, 48 is now chapter 15 (word count 3814)

Thats all the change’s thats happened so far. If I miss any I will repost the list with the newer one’s highlighted. I’m thinking about posting updates o the book about the books development every two weeks. what do you guys think about that?

hopefully you all will want me to post more of these. I love communicating with my fans and this helps so that everyone isn't in the dark about the book. I didn't post descriptive change’s for those who haven’t read it but are interested so sorry no one can see the actual change’s (unless they are an editor) until the update has been completed. With the drastic change in chapters and lengths i feel it be to comfusing to post as I go along so it will have to wait till me and my best friend @SofiatheHedgehog I highly suggest you check her out on Wattpad. she is a very talented Author who’s been helping on this project. I don’t think I’d make it this far without her honestly. So if your reading this Sophia, thank you Sissy! You’re a very talented author and im proud to be your friend :3

you guys can come check me out on twitter if you want and if you came from twitter, welcome to my tumblr page :)

Anyways thankyou for taking the time read this update and hopefully I will see you guys next time in the development of ‘Monster’s under my bed’. If you have any thought’s or questions, feel free to leave a comment message me. :3

Love you guys! Mew <3

[gukptune]

Blood Rank || One [m]

Pairing: jimin x reader

Genre: angst, vampire!au, highschool!au, eventual smut

Warnings: vampire!reader, human!jimin, mean!hoseok, asshole!taehyung, bloodbag!jungkook

Words: 2.3k

Plot Summary: Jimin is afraid for his best friend makes a deal with the devil he’s been in love with since he was 14.

a/n: not edited, sorry for any mistakes or errors in spelling and grammar!

B L O O D  R A N K - Part 1 / Part 2

This was no normal high school. Van Emrick’s Academy is a school in the supernatural world in which humans and vampires strive to live alongside each other. In it’s situated location with a higher ratio of vampires to humans, it’s high school was the same.

Location of the most wealthy of vampires and humans who worked together in business and relations. It’s high school was the exact same. With a student made hierarchy of blood rankings. Let’s just say the more vampire you are the more power you have within the system.

The supernatural world held all types of creatures of the night, including werewolves, witches, vampires and hybrids. Each species being restricted to it’s labeled school, humans had the upper hand here in being able to attend any of the three reigning schools.

Van Emrick’s Academy for Vampyres, Adolphus’ College for Lycans and lastly Necromancer Institute for Witchcraft and Wizardry. Hyrids, which were rare, get to choose their schools too but with limitations where they need to be somewhat related to the corresponding species.

The most prestigious and most powerful school of them all is of course Van Emrick’s due to their generous stream of funds towards the government by parents.

Park Jimin, was lucky enough to attend Van Emrick’s Academy― mostly due to his loaded parents and intelligence which he never really boasted about.

He boarded at the Academy, which was normal and all students do as the dorms were specular. He boarded mostly due to the fact that his parents believed that he’d have his mind strictly on education, which was something he believed in too but with those blood thirsty vampires, high rates of hormones and highly attractive people he was distracted nearly all the time.

He boarded in the Azrael dormitory alongside his housemates. Students were separated into seven different houses according to their corresponding Archangel. Extremely for the novelty and not practicality as students merely stayed within their houses in the dorms and common room only and mixed around otherwise.

There he was just laying on his bed in his dorm suite. He shared the large room with 3 other students. A text from his best friend woke him.

Sooyoung: U up? [6:42 am]

Sooyoung: Im in the cafeteria if ur wondering :D [6:42 am]

Sooyoung: Meet me here [6:43 am]

Jimin immediately stood up off his bed, he was already dressed and merely slipped his shoes on before taking off. His dorm mates were all still sleeping, probably due to how early he was up. Moving quietly outside the room and closing the door as quietly as he could to not wake anyone up.

He was out of the room in his clad uniform, sporting the academy’s signature dark navy uniform and his house crest on his blazer’s breast pocket. His tie done neatly and his blonde hair styled to perfection.

Jimin: Alright

Jimin: I’ll be there in 5

Which was a lie, he wasn’t going to be there in 5 minutes because it would be impossible. Her dorm was literally across the school and he wasn’t exactly going to run because he’d look extremely stupid.

Sooyoung: Okii take ur time

Sooyoung: im going to do some homework as I wait okay

Jimin knew that she wouldn’t eat without him as they always waited for each other. As he was texting a reply to her he was rammed into by something, well someone.

He fell to the floor with his phone a distance away from him. Uttering a low mumble. He looked up to see the person that ran into him.

Well shit. He thought.

In front of him was a practically shivering student. Jimin could see the collar on the poor guy’s neck. He was a blood bag. Jimin breathed slowly not really knowing what to do.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s okay. I’m fine,” Jimin quickly cut him off, giving him a reassuring smile before getting up slowly. The other boy trying to help him up but was too afraid to touch Jimin.

The hierarchy in this school was ridiculous, up in the top tier were the student council members usually students of the most pure blood line and had the most influence, of course they are leading all the students. In the second tier, were pure blood vampires, then third were half bloods, fourth were those turned, whilst confusing humans held the tier between third and fourth since their influence mattered more. Including their wealth and connections. Lastly were the blood bags, also called “tractare”, mostly these were anyone who made deals with the council and couldn’t pay it back.

You might believe that this school’s currency was blood but it wasn’t it was favours and real money. People wanted things done, scores raised, reputation raised or rumours dead would make offerings. If unpaid the council turns them into blood bags, meaning that their lives were now in the president’s hands.

Only the most desperate go to them, being their offers were hard to pay for, that’s why most students turn into blood bags so easily.

Jimin knew this boy, he was in his Chemistry class. His name was Jungkook, rumours risen about him watching girl’s in the changing room and jacking off to them. He wanted all of that to disappear so he asked the council, Jimin didn’t know what the payment was but he failed to pay, now he lives as feed.

Jungkook was shaking. This boy was pale and frail. Jimin couldn’t help but feel so bad for him.

But a voice boomed over the crowding audience. “Now, now, tractare-shi, learn your manners.”

The voice was head secretary, Jung Hoseok. He shoved Jungkook’s head onto the ground. The younger boy immediately began bowing to Jimin, over and over.

Jimin’s eyes practically bulging out of his head. Hoseok merely smirked. Tension rises as Jimin feels extremely worried.

“Sorry about the livestock, he’s fresh, still learning... hope you understand,” He chuckled as he dragged Jungkook by the collar away.

Jimin stood frozen as the students around him disappeared. Running into a student council member was rare, speaking to one was even more rare, well he was being spoken to but still. 

He could finally breathe and made his way to his destination.

“That’s literally so horrible,” Sooyoung sighed as she bit into her croissant, “Why does this system even exist!”

Jimin looked up from his cereal to see his best friend frowning, “I don’t know.”

“We should change it, isn’t it like centuries old. So medieval of the Council to keep an old system,” She suggests, nodding to her own thought.

Jimin couldn’t help but chuckle, “It’s not centuries old, Soo, each time a new President is elected he/she changes the system, since our latest president was elected only a few years ago the system isn’t even half a decade old.”

“So she’s into the whole medieval, humans are lower than vampires thing?” Sooyoung huffs. With the mention of you, the president Jimin blinks briskly.

“Uhm, not defending her but... anyone could be a blood bag. Jungkook is a half blood,” He didn’t want Sooyoung to think he actually cared about anyone apart of the council because she hated them.

Sooyoung sighed, “I guess.”

“Though, I heard that those deals that she makes with everyone are like extreme, because people tend to ask for a lot. Sometimes murder, though I’m sure she doesn’t let that pass but she tends to make sure people don’t get what they want,” She said.

“I’m sure it’s because they want blood bags,” She ended. Concluding by herself.

It was true, they needed the circulation of blood to keep everyone in check. 

“People get paid for blood though, blood donations. Because every vamp pays for them. People get paid for blood and others pay for it,” Jimin said.

Sooyoung nods in agreement, “That’s true, but I heard it’s way better from the vein, that’s why students sometimes offer their body for certain agreeable deals.”

Jimin thought about this deeply. Of course blood was better from the vein, it’s fresh and warm. He felt gross thinking about this but then again it was fascinating just because he wasn’t one of them.

“Anyways enough of this, you know how I was doing that homework well-” Sooyoung’s voice drowned into the background as Jimin’s eyes met with a figure coming into the distance. They came closer, closer to his table.

A hand slammed onto their table as their drinks fell, Sooyoung lets out a shriek at the surprise and Jimin placed his hands on his lap.

“Well, well, Park Jimin,” Vice President, Kim Taehyung nods at Jimin, who gave a little nod back, Taehyung’s eyes met with Sooyoung, “And pretty Miss Park Sooyoung.”

Taehyung slid into the chair next to her and placed his arm over her shoulder, she flinches at this. Kim Taehyung, notorious playboy and your local asshole. His mean attitude and rudeness passed due to his seemingly great connection to the president which is why Jimin secretly hated him. All due to jealousy. 

“You look great, you could eat in the dining hall you know, instead of eating whatever this is,” Taehyung nods at their food tray, “I’d let you bring your lapdog too.”

Which Jimin knew was directed towards him.

Sooyoung pushed Taehyung’s arm off of her, “Gosh, like I’d ever eat in their with you people and Jimin is my best friend- uh all you people do is look down on others-”

“I don’t look down on you, though I wouldn’t mind going down on you,” Taehyung whispered lustfully and groaned at his own imagination. 

Disgusting was all Jimin could think, not the action but merely how Taehyung was saying this to someone who didn’t like him and didn’t want him.

“God! You’re disgusting just go away,” She tried to shove him before he gripped her arm tightly.

He pulled her face closely to his, “Look here, I get what I want, and don’t be rude to me- you’ll find that opposing me will only get you into a very very bad place in this school.”

He literally growled at her. Taehyung was a pureblood vampire, which meant he was extremely powerful in every single way. Jimin wanted to stick up for his friend but he can’t.

“I-” Sooyoung whimpered trying to say something back. Though her lack of words and tone was all that was needed for someone else to step in.

“Tae, get off her, we don’t have time for this,” the sultry voice that lived in Jimin’s wildest dreams broke the tension in the air.

It was you, you stood in your perfectly tailored uniform, that looked different to everyone else’s. Student council members had their own style. Your blazer stuck onto your upper half so tightly with double buttons. Your flat cross tie framing the top of your quite large breasts.

Jimin couldn’t help but stare at your perfectly braided hair and sharp features.

Taehyung coughed and quickly got up and stood next to her. He was whispering things in your ear. Taehyung’s eyes met Jimin’s very lustful eyes. 

As you heard the things Taehyung wanted you to hear you merely nodded. You did see what happened and Tae was going to get it. He can’t make your school look like trash.

Before you could take Tae away he spoke again, “Look at little blondey, got a crush on our President?” He teased, laughing mockingly.

You looked straight at Jimin to see him flush a bright red and his hand picking at eachother. A sign of nerves. You kept a smile in as you let out a soft huff.

“Whatever, Tae-”

“Come on, Jimin-ah. Our gorgeous President is right here in front of you. It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity to get some, though would she―”

“Kim Taehyung, do not cut me off, now get back to our office before I remove you,” You said, calmingly. As fearfully calm as anyone else could hear.

Taehyung immediately shuts up and with wide eyes walked away, a few members of the council following him as they always do. Taehyung knew not to test your limits as using his full name meant this was the last draw.

“Park Jimin, was it. I’m sorry about him-he’s just you know him,” You straighten your back.

Jimin stuttered looking at you blankly as if he wasn’t believing what was happening, “Uhm- it’s okay―”

“No, it wasn’t, thank you,” Sooyoung cuts him off and thanks you. You felt a little annoyed that she cuts Jimin off but here you get to see that you were definitely not the dominate one in this friendship.

You merely nod and take your leave, as the rest of the council follow you back to deal with Taehyung.

Computer Science was not Jimin’s thing but he took it because he was required to. The only thing he could focus on was your interaction with him which never left his mind. Your face, your body and scent. Better than he ever imagined, he didn’t want to come off as a stalker or creep but you were just... incredible to him. Trying to calm himself off by thinking of light fairy thoughts instead of you.

A beep breaks his trail of thought.

Sooyoung: u okay? u ran off

Jimin recalled what happened, right after you left he felt as if he was going to throw up.

Jimin: yea just felt sick

Sooyoung: oh thats okay

Sooyoung: was it the president

Sooyoung: was it what tae said u know about her

Jimin didn’t know what to reply with, his fingers were shaking and he could feel himself getting red. Sooyoung was in a different class right now and he sat alongside some hardworking students, he’s glad no one could see his face right now.

Sooyoung: so its true?

Sooyoung: jimin

Sooyoung: just tell me 

Sooyoung: do you actually like her???

Jimin had many thoughts running through his head as he ran through some possible scenarios depending on his response. Though he felt adventurous and very rebellious now. He did what he thought he could never do.

Jimin: I’m sorry.

c. 2018

[artmusicjoy]

i just want to scream into an abyss

but i also want hang out with friends

but everyone is an ocean away (even though I’m meeting new people but haven’t reached out to them because I don’t know how to nor do I know how available they are but i feel better talking with them, is that because they’re cool people or because they’re people at all? also i’ve kept in touch with pretty much everyone from home anyway so why the fuck do i feel so alone?)

i just want a hug (i like hugs, ok?!?!)

i just want to talk (i don’t even know what about. something deep but simple and trashy but not pointless even though realistically everything is pointless)

i just want something (probably dinner, but I feel sick from eating so much earlier, or am i actually hungry again and just can’t differentiate the feelings because i’m fortunate enough to not wonder where / when my next meal is, except now that I’m feeding myself I can’t get off my lazy ass to take care of myself. or am I just joking about dinner because i can’t describe this want i actually feel?)

i want to do something 

(God going back through this makes that part feel like shitty poetry^^^)

and now i’m going through to bold the original stream of consciousness so anyone reading can see how editing thoughts works, because I can’t even trust my gut on my emotions in real time. or did I just say i can’t trust myself because of a jaded character i was watching a few minutes ago? i can’t even trust my own commentary on my commentary. I’m a mess.

i want to scream and cry and laugh and run and dance and write and read and study and cook and break things and punch a wall without alerting my flatmates and actually feel like I’m close with them without coming across as weird for not getting to know them better the past month and just feel normal

but there is not such thing as truly normal so why do I care so much about being it?

would friends even help me in the long term or just distract me in the moment until we go our separate ways for the night or day or week or lifetime. as much as i love my friends and know they’ll want to help, I don’t want to weigh them down with my wellbeing. Especially since everyone has their own shit to deal with that’s arguably worse than mine. Yet if they said that to me, I’d reply “someone with a broken ankle won’t (or at least shouldn’t) tell someone with a sprained ankle that their pain isn’t real or valid.” 

my is my default feeling so numb and so painful at the same time

why can’t I cry about this? like i physically have felt the need to cry in the back of my mind for the past like three weeks and have only gotten a few tears out

i need to get more done

even if more is crying

why am i bothering to fix any mistakes I type as though I’m going to post this

should I post this or would my friends worry too much? should I let my vent into the infinite abyss of the internet and maybe someone will relate and feel better by seeing it

or am i just typing so I can look through my thoughts like a diary while not talking to myself (like a crazy person in the movies) 

is it even that normal that I can like feel the need to cry build in my life? do i really feel better when cry or is it just the relief of being empty (i just fixed two more spelling mistakes)

I keep telling myself in class that I’m motivated enough to work on the next project (or reading for my classes) and I even started an idea for one, but I’ll probably scrap it because it was so spur of the moment

and I’m behind on the dictionary project partially because I don’t give a shit, partially because I feel like I’m behind in the class when I’m really not, and partially because I feel like putting it off knowing I’l get it done eventually because I always do

I can boast never using an extension even though it means I’ve stayed up till 3 AM to write two paragraphs, only to stop at 3:30 to take a shower that I was putting off until I finished my work, as though disregarding my body’s health is the way to keep my mind from staying idle

and that was a year ago

now I just feel bad about feeling bad and not doing the things I know will help me

I fucking wrote my 300 level English final paper while my mom was packing up my dorm room so I could go home for winter break and have everything to be abroad. She was so worried seeing me work in the moment, so down to the wire. But so proud that I was able to buckle down and do it. Whereas I felt like shit for not doing it sooner. It was a topic I CHOSE and I LIKED IT. WHY THE FUCK DID I PUT IT OFF>!!>??!? I don’t even remember, probably because of my other, less exciting but way bigger project weighing down my spirit

if I just change my scenery then I’ll probably feel better

go to the common room to be on my computer instead of the same for walls of my room that I’ve decided were better because they’re private and nobody can judge me in here, but they also can’t get to know me and I can’t get anything (or much, I’m somehow doing some of the readings) done. You know, like a few other people do and then I’ll feel weird for only starting to do it now. idk

if I could just find another passion to keep me going, a new show or book

god i need to get the courage to go enjoy the library here. I feel so out of place there. nothing’s worse than feeling like a waste of space and a stupid piece of shit in a university library full of people like me who are probably procrastinating or struggling to finish work or even trying to figure out the English language because they’re from the freaking Netherlands and India and everywhere else

while im just the american in England who is struggling over something I probably wouldn’t feel if my life were just a bit worse. as though switching my life with some starving child in the arctic circle would make me feel better because i’d be too close to death to feel like shit and they could enjoy all the benefits I feel like i’m abusing by wasting away on my computer typing into a void rather than actually working to resolve my own issues

because maybe this post will somehow help me resolve things by putting them all out for others to see. or so i can reference it later. idfk

like “hi friends, I’m feeling like shit. Also I’m loving my time abroad, I had chocolate pancakes for dinner last week and I somehow feel like I have the right to complain about doing nothing and feeling bad about doing nothing.”

like knowing you’re a piece of shit doesn’t make you better than anyone because everyone should be trying to work towards a better self and more complete sense of self but i don’t even know where I’m going with this sentence, let alone my fucking life

maybe I should get a boring office job because then I’ll know what to expect and how to get my mundane task done instead of trying to build up the will to be my own boss as a writer and still never feel motivated to put my LONG list of ideas out into the world beyond my desktop

I seriously have over 70 pages of bulleted ideas, half of them are barely formed but i can’t bring myself to get rid of them because they might be worth something to someone one day

i wonder how future historians will deal with old laptops and the documents that were never shared there or the posts that feel so personal but so private as anyone can find them but only some will know the face behind my screen

do I want to share these thoughts with everyone? just close friends? or nobody, not even myself?

fuck it

To my friends: don’t feel obligated to read all this or reply. But you can if you want. Wow this sounds so manipulative, like reverse psychology bullshit. I’m sorry. 

I’m second guessing posting all this. But after all the effort I put in, I think it’s important to have and remember or whatever.

here it goes

EDIT: two minutes later and I feel like an attention whore and feel bad and need to point it out before people (strangers mostly, but still) make that judgment of me themselves. And now feeling like more of an attention seeking piece of shit for pointing it out. why is my brain so broken

would I ever really talk like this face to face? will people see me differently after this? i... whatever