#either way shes an el and steve lover I just feel it in my bones

[ohanahoku-ao3]

Whumptober Day 16

@whumptober Some Steve and Robin goodness for this one! <3

Teen & Up - Gen - Stranger Things

It's Never Over, and We're Stuck Here Waiting

     Steve stared out the window, gaze distant as he absentmindedly clicked a pen over and over again. It felt as though the world around him was dimming into red-tinged grey, and he could almost see the ash falling outside the window while vines crawled over the brickwork of the building across the street. Something squeaked, but the sound mutated in his mind, becoming a screech that filled the sky a million times over.

     “Breathe, Steve. Everything’s okay.” The gentle voice broke through with a touch to his shoulder, and Steve shuddered.

     He blinked out of the waking nightmare, finding himself breathing too fast and hard as his panic wound down. He followed the hand on his shoulder back to Robin, and he followed her guidance as she gestured for him to take a deep breath in and let it go.

     “There you go. You were doing it again, Steve, that’s all. It’s over, remember?” Robin said, offering him a small smile.

     I know. That’s what Steve always said in response. It’s over this time, I know. A reassurance to them both.

     “It doesn’t feel over.” Steve breathed out in a rush, breaking their routine as his thoughts all spilled out, rambling in a fashion that spoke to just how much time he spent with Robin. “It’s never felt over. I feel like we’re just waiting for the next gate to open or for Vecna to somehow be alive. It feels like there’s a demogorgan breathing down my neck when I try to sleep, and sometimes I can’t breathe, and it feels like that demobat is choking me again.” Tears were falling down his cheeks, and Robin opened her mouth to speak, but Steve didn’t let her get a word in as he continued. “Sometimes when I argue with my dad, he yells, and I’ll think I’m right back with the Russians. I can’t stand needles anymore, like I can’t even look at them, and sometimes it makes me feel like I’m broken because I was never scared of them before.

     “And I hate guns, even the ones Nancy keeps because she nearly shot me once, and sometimes I still get nightmares where she shoots me for real, and I can’t even look her in the face after it happens because it’s so awful to think that she could possibly do that, you know? Because I know Nance, and she’d never hurt me like that, so that must make me a terrible person, right? To think something like that about someone I love? Even El scares me sometimes because she has powers just like his. And that’s terrible of me, too, because El doesn’t have a bad bone in her body, but sometimes I just can’t help but think that power could control her one day instead of the other way around.

     “Then sometimes I think I’m a horrible person because Eddie died, and it should have been me, you know? He was supposed to be safe with Dustin, and we were the ones meant to fight, and yet Eddie’s gone, not us, not me. But it makes me happy that it wasn’t us, even though I know that’s selfish because I don’t think I could handle losing you.” Steve finally stopped for air, breathing hard as he was pulled into a hug from Robin, his tears coming faster as he hugged her back.

     “Steve. You’re not a terrible person for any of that.” Robin murmured. “And you’re not broken, either.” She said as Steve melted against her, exhausted.

     “I’m so tired, Robs.” He sniffled. “I don’t wanna feel like this anymore.”

     “I know. I don’t either.” Robin said, pulling away slowly. “Come on,” She said, tugging him out from behind the counter and moving to turn the lock on the door and flip the sign to ‘closed.’ “Let’s lie down and just forget about the world for a bit, okay?”

     Steve blinked at her before nodding, settling onto the floor with her and lying down by her side. He stared up at the ceiling and closed his eyes to the lights that suddenly reminded him of the mall. “Sometimes, I feel like I’m drowning in Lover’s Lake again.”

     "Sometimes, I feel like I'm back with the Russians, just waiting for what comes next with no control over it," Robin said, and Steve relaxed a little at her understanding and acceptance.

     They let the silence fall over them for a bit, and Steve reached for Robin's hand, interlocking their fingers.

     "You're not going to lose me, dingus," Robin whispered, running her thumb over the back of his knuckles as she read his mind.

     "You can't promise that," Steve whispered back, swallowing around a lump in his throat.

     "Just watch me," Robin answered, determination filling her voice and warming Steve's chest with fondness.

     He opened his eyes and turned to face her. "Just promise me you won't go where I can't follow." He said softly, squeezing her hand.

     Robin's face softened, and she nodded, smiling crookedly back at him. "I promise. We're soulmates, remember? Not even the afterlife can split us apart." She told him, returning the pressure of his grip.

     Steve finally smiled, closing his eyes. "Love you, Robs."

     He didn't have to see her to hear the affection in her voice. "Love you too, Steve."

[robinsteves]

leah is SO joyce coded!!! i think shelby would like nancy the most tho

leah’s anxieties, and her refusal to back down from them, are so aligned with joyce byers that it almost personally hurts my feelings— don’t forget how almost everyone doubts them. if anything, it’s like people go along with their theories out of pity (until eventually proven wrong, of course). I forget who on here described it as a “category 5 woman moment” but I now headcanon that faber has that exact phrase, verbatim, written down about 20 times in leah’s file

I feel like shelby would be the biggest stranger things enjoyer out of all the girls. I can’t decide if she’d be someone who generally watches a lot of tv, I’m leaning towards no, but I could eaaaaasily see, like, becca being someone who did, and so she picked it up from her as a recommendation. obviously she would like nancy, she’d definitely think shes super fucking cool, but I’m not sure who her overall favorite would be? shes probably closest to will on an emotional basis but, like I concluded with leah, that doesn’t mean he would be her favorite. I think the only one of the girls who would inarguably prioritize what character(s) they connect with the most in media is nora. maybe martha too? the rest would try to ignore their emotions and focus on who they find funny or cute instead because #repression. or they just truly would not give a fuck and only watch something to be entertained, which is kinda how I view fatin… wow I wish I was normal like that. anyway, it honestly wouldn’t surprise me if steve was shelby’s #1. I can hear her being like “hes so sweet now!!!!” lol. or el <3

[haileygarciasunshine]

Into the Unknown

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Reader

Word Count: 2,706

Warning: Swearing, fighting, weird shit, mentions of blood

The anniversary of yours and Eleven’s escape from Hawkins Lab was coming up. A year had already gone by, since you both broke out of the Lab. El, found herself a group of friends, and so did you. After stumbling out of the Lab, you were able to find a cabin in the woods and make it yours.

You had enrolled in Hawkins Highschool as well, and gotten a job at the local block buster. You and El were always in contact, sometimes calling you twice a day. Today, started out weird. Eleven called asking if she could come over, El being the only family you knew, you obliged.

There was a soft knock on the door. Using your security system you had installed on your cabin, you could identify the person as El. Rushing to open the door you let her in.

Giving you a hug she stepped in, “Goodmorning Y/N!”

“Goodmorning, El! What can I do ya for?”

“Nothing. Just wondering.”

“Wondering about?”

“Us.”

Sighing you made your way to the kitchen grabbing a coffee to put your coffee in that was currently brewing.

“Are you sure you want to go down that rabbit hole kid?”

“Yes.”

“Alright.”

By this time, you both had made yourselves comfortable at the kitchen table. Eleven, was eating her Eggos.

“I know that there is one of us, that is currently in Chicago. Her name’s Kali or 008.She was experimented on like we were.”

You weren’t sure what Eleven’s thought were, but you had an inkling, that you were about to find out. 

El thought it was time for you and the Party to meet, one night. So you all gathered, at Mike’s house for dinner. Everyone was there, Mike, Dustin, Lucas, Will, Steve, Max, Johnathon, Nancy, and Eleven. It felt strange that there was only four of you about the age of twelve. You recognized Steve, Nancy, and Jonathon from your school right away. Max was elated that another girl had joined the group. 

Two weeks had gone by since you had become a party member. Jonathon was beaming that there was another photography lover in the group. The first day back to school after the meeting, Johnathon was at your locker talking about photography things. It was apparent he was trying to distract his mind from something ..... Or someone. 

It wasn’t hard to figure out, that Jonathon, had feelings for Nancy and vice versa. Nancy was still currently with Steve Harrington. As time grew on, you had become best friends with Jonathon which lead to him confessing his feelings for Nancy to you. 

Nobody else in the group besides Eleven knew, that you were experimented on in the Hawkins Lab. Your friends were like your family, but you didn’t want to put them in any danger unintentionally, so you never told them, and you always made sure that you 015 tattoo was covered up with makeup. 

Over the next few weeks, Eleven had decided that she wanted to go in search of Kali for answers. You had expected her to leave, but you didn’t know when. That’s why once you had found out from Jonathon, you drove straight over to the sheriffs office. 

“Is Chief Hopper here? It’s important.”

“No dear, he’s about to leave to go to Merrill’s pumpkin pat-”

Not giving her a second to finish her statement, you turned and bolted outside to see if you could catch Hopper. As luck would have it, you were able to stop him before he was able to leave.

“You’re chief Hopper right?”

“What gave it away, the sirens on top of the truck? Or the Hat?” He asked sarcastically looking over at you, while you gave him a classic Bitch face. “Now watch out kid, I have some business to attend to.”

Before either of you could react, a husky voice called for you, “Y/N?”

“Oh, hey Steve!”

“What’re you doing?” He looked at you quizzically. 

“I have to talk to Hopper about something.”

“If you two kids could kindly, back away from the vehicle I could go on my way.”

Not even thinking about it, you pulled Hoppers truck door open and pulled Steve inside the vehicle along with you, catching both men off guard.

Once, inside the truck, turning to Hopper you said ”Please. Proceed.” mockingly.

Both men looked at one another, but didn’t say anything.

As you arrived at Merrill’s Pumpkin Patch, you were greeted by a man, you assumed to be Merrill, occupied Hopper. The sudden feeling, of being uncomfortable, overwhelmed your senses, the only other time this had happened, was when you were being experimented on. 

Steve seemed to notice your sudden change, “Hey, are you alright?” 

It had begun to get chillier outside. Steve shrugged off his jacket, and placed it over your shoulders. The action was touching, and caught you off guard.

“Uh, sorry, I didn’t mean to over step any boundaries. I noticed you were shivering.” 

“Oh. Thank you.”

“No problem.”

“Sorry, I made you get into the truck with me.”

“It’s okay. Why were you looking for Hopper anyway?”

Before you continued, you let out a sigh of frustration, “I know where El went. I wanted to tell him so he wouldn’t freak out more than he already has but-”

Your thoughts fled your mind mid sentence, your attention was brought to the pumpkin patch, full of dead pumpkins. It was like a magnetic field, drawing you in. ‘What harm could it do?’ you thought, ‘Curiosity killed the cat’ you continued in your mind. ‘Satisfaction brought it back’. Caving in to the curiosity, you started walking in the Pumpkin Patch looking at state almost every pumpkin was in. 

Turning around, you looked up and saw the three men peering at you with shock. You turned around just to see if they were actually staring at you, or something else. They were staring at you. Shrugging it off, you continued, on your venture through the patch. 

It seemed the further you got into the patch, the worse the pumpkins were. Then you suddenly, stopped. By the looks of it, you were practically, dead center. The pumpkins that were dead center, were pitch black, reeking of spoiled pumpkin.

Steve and Hopper, seemingly, followed you through the patch. 

“What is that smell!” Hopper said, while coughing.

“Pumpkins.” You state a matter of factly. Your back still turned to both men.

“No Shit.”

“Contaminated Pumpkins.” 

Hopper as confused, “How did they get Contaminated?”

It suddenly hit you. This was something you had seen before. At Hawkins Lab no less. Then you were hit with the reality, that you had to tell your deepest secret to two men you barely, even knew. 

“Hawkins Lab.” You said turning around to face both men, with confused expressions, “I’ve seen this before at the Lab. It has something to do with what Eleven called the ‘Upside Down.’“ 

“How do you know Eleven?” “How do you know about the Upside Down?” Both men had asked at the same time.

Letting out a shaky sigh, you looked down at your feet, which caused a strand of hair to fall down. Taking the chance, you looked at both men, while tucking your hair behind your ear, “Eleven’s my sister... Or what we consider each other. We were both experimented on in the Lab. I helped her escape.” Deciding it was now or never, you brought a finger up to your tongue wetting it before bringing it back down to your left forearm, you wiped your finger over the makeup that was cover your tattoo, sliding your sleeve up, you brought your arm up to show both men. 

015

Their expressions softened, and sadden at your confession.

“Fuck Kid.” Hopper said before pulling you into a bone crushing hug “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s okay. El, went to go get some answers from Kali, she’s in Chicago and was also experimented on.”

“Holy Shit. How many of you guys is there?”

“I don’t know.” You answered truthfully. Sneaking a glance at Steve, he was quiet, you hoped he was just absorbing your confession, and you hadn’t just ruined his opinion on you considering how attractive he was. 

“Uh, so back to the Pumpkins. I’m guessing that Hawkins Lab has something to do with this, but there isn’t any evidence to prosecute them with.”

Hopper nodded and headed back to the truck.

“Stev-”

“Don’t.”

At this, you took his jacket off, and handed it back to him not at all pleased with the reaction you had gotten from him. He seemed like he wasn’t going to take the jacket, so you threw it at his feet, before jogging through the patch to go to the truck Hopper was in. This was exactly, why you didn’t tell anyone. You couldn’t help the hurt that had overwhelmed your emotions.

“Uh, you guys don’t have to take me. Tommy’s coming to get me.”

“You sure kid?”

“Yeah, have a good night Chief Hopper.”  

Steve didn’t bother acknowledging you before, he turned away and started walking down the driveway you had driven up. There goes any possible chance you could’ve had with him.

 Five minutes went by before either of you spoke. 

“Uh, hey, do you, you know. Uhm. Have a place to stay?”

“Yeah, I found an abandoned Cabin in the middle of the Woods.”

“Uhm. Well, you know. Your sister. Eleven. Stays with me. I uh. Have an extra room where we stay. If you uhm. You know. Want to stay with us.”

Even if he was awkward, you knew that he cared. He cared for El, and that’s all you could’ve ever wanted. For the first time since you met Eleven, you felt the warm fuzzy feeling that you have for her. Love.

“I’d love to. If I won’t be imposing.”

“Not at all.”

It had been two weeks since you moved into Hopper’s Cabin. And Two weeks since your confession to Hopper and Steve. Steve went out of his way to not only ignore you, but to avoid you as well. There was a rumor around that Steve and Nancy broke up.

“Jonathon!” You squealed as your best friend scared you. 

“Are you still going over to Mikes tonight?”

“Duh. I told you I had something to tell everyone. It’s kinda important.”

“If it’s so important why can’t you just tell me now?”

You had a sneaky suspicion, your narrowed your eyes before continuing, “Is there something you want to tell me Byers?”

This seemed to catch him off guard, making him a stuttering mess. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Nancy appeared, “Hey Guys!” She kissed Jonathon on the lips, before continuing on, down the hall with her other friends. You couldn’t help but let your jaw fall open in shock.

“What was that? I know it couldn’t be what it looked like!” You shrieked, playfully smacking him earning an “Ow” each time.

“Yeah sorry I forgot to mention, me and Nanc are dating now.”

“Forgot! How could you forget!”

It was now a few days later, since you had told the party that you were in Hawkins Lab with El. They were more than happy to except you and your past, besides they couldn’t get over the tattoo you had, each of them telling you how badass it was. Eventually, Steve got tired of Dustin talking about you so much, and followed his advice, he showed up at Hoppers cabin unannounced one night.

“Yeah.” Hopper answered roughly.

“Is Y/N home?”

Hopper took the chance, and ran with it. 

He grabbed Steve by the collars of his jacket and shirt before saying, “You do realize I’m now Y/N’s dad correct?”

“Y...Yes sir.”

“Y/N’s a great girl. Top of your class actually. If you ever and I mean ever. Pull a stunt like you did back at the Pumpkin farm, again you will live to regret it. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes Sir.”

“Good. Y/N! Someone’s at the door for you!” Hopper yelled, letting Steve go and moving back to his previous position.

“Steve?” Your confusion pulling through your soft voice. “What’re you doing here?”

“I uh. I came to apologize uhm.”

Suddenly, a car door slammed shut and Dustin came racing up the porch. 

“What Steve here means, is that he’s sorry he acted like an asshole, and he thinks you’re really pretty.”

Letting out an embarrassed chuckle you replied “Thank you.”

“Watch your language Dipshit!”

“Who you calling Dipshit? Dipshit!”

“Dustin, watch your fucking mouth.”

Dustin flipped him off in response. 

Currently, you were in the Byers house, with the Party and Hopper. Will was in his room unconscious, because the mind flyer had lodged itself into him as the ‘Host’. The sound of ‘Demo Dogs’ could be heard surrounding the house. Max was clinging onto you for safety. Suddenly, the door flew, open and in walked Eleven. 

Mike was the most excited to see her aside from Hopper. Hopper pulled you and El into a bone crushing hug before murmuring, “My Girls.” so quietly, only the three of you could hear. El and Hopper went to the Lab to shut the gate, Joyce, Jonathon, and Nancy went to the cabin with Will. You stayed behind with the party. 

Suddenly, Billy showed up ready to beat up Lucas. Steve had been pumbled to a pulp. Which meant that you had to drive to the Pumpkin Patch, with a car full of children. Once you arrived there, everybody was getting ready and putting on their gear. 

“No. No way. You aren’t going with us in the tunnel!”

“And why not?”

“Because! What if the Mind Flyer senses you, cause you’re like El!”

“Still not seeing the problem here.”

“DUDE! JUST LET HER COME  SHE’S MORE BADASS THAN YOU!”

Steve didn’t have to turn around to know who had said that. Instead he just flipped him off in return.

Once, you had helped everyone down into the tunnel, it was your turn. Of course, you were the one to slip and fall in, but atleast, Steve was there to catch you, he was holding you bridal style once you had fallen. 

“Hey Lovebirds! Can we get a move on?”

“Chill man. Don’t get your panties in a twist.” He responded putting you back on your feet. 

The whole night, it was like Steve was trying to make up for lost time. Letting his hand brush against yours, not leaving your side unless necessary, stealing glances. He was turning out to be a hopeless romantic, something you would’ve never pegged about him. 

“Steve! Behind you!” Dustin yelled to Steve, who was currently trying to distract the ‘Demo Dogs’ from the school bus the kids were all hiding in. You wouldn’t let Steve, be ‘Demo Dog’ dinner, so you were fighting them off side by side. More accurately, back to back. 

“That’s hot.”

Rolling your eyes and shaking your head you responded, “Shut Up.”

Tonight, was the Snow Ball. You were helping Max and Eleven get ready for their first school dance. You offered to drop the girls off, so you three could have some girl bonding time. As soon as you arrived, you put the car in park by the entrance to the gym since you were late arriving, you got out and helped both girls out, giving them hugs and kissing the tops of their heads before took off towards the gym. 

Stevie Wonders, I Just Called to Say i Love You was blasting.

Uhm

As you turned around you could see Dustin, going off towards the gym as well.

“Driver Duty?”

“Don’t be so surprised.” Steve chuckled, “I gotta make sure the kid looks good for the ladies.”

“Can I have this Dance?”

“Steve. We’re in a parking lot.”

He took your hand lightly before you could spew any more protests. Guiding the hand he had in his to his shoulder, while he held your other hand. He looked for confirmation that he could have his other hand on your waist. Giving him a soft nod he smiled. 

The both of you staying like that swaying, to the music for what felt like hours. Just as he started leaning in to kiss you there was an interruption, 

“Steve!” 

[writing-blog-iguess]

Part 1 Part 2 

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Henderson!Reader

Summary: The love story between Dustin’s sister and his favourite mentor/best friend. Acquaintances to friends to lovers. So burn I guess?

A/N: I was gonna wait until Friday, but I figured I’d forget about it. So where’s part 2!

Side note: Requests are welcome!

—————————

Season 3

Summer here and the nightmares stopped being so bad

You didn’t know what to do

Dustin was gone for the month

And your kids being all teenage-y and stuff you got a job at the new mall

Your breaks always at Scoops Ahoy

Knowing Robin from school but never hanging out

You wish you did cause she’s pretty cool

So you’re making it up now by being best friends

Helping Robin make fun of Steve

A lot

Heart breaking every time Steve tried to get a date

Robin notices but not saying anything

“Hey (Y/N)” they would greet you very time they went to Scoops to sneak into a movie

You giving them a smile and wave

“Hey dingus! You’re children are here!”

“Again? Seriously?”

Picking your brother up from camp

Smiling as he talks about Suzie

Both being sad that you won’t be able to talk to Suzie

Promising Dustin you’ll drive him to the mall tomorrow

Helping them translate the Russian message Dustin recorded last night

Leaving when you did

“You’re not going to help decode it?”

“Nope! If by some chance it ties in to what happened last year, I want no part of it.”

And again, you get sucked into it

This time by Max and El

Listening to Will talk about the Mind Flayer

Worrying about Dustin and Steve because you haves seen or heard from them in awhile

Helping them trap Billy

Helping at the hospital

Meeting Nancy and Jonathan later

Being there for El as she goes into void

Is terrified for her and everyone else when she repeats what Billy said to her

Fixing El’s leg at the store

Going to the mall because that’s where Dustin is for some reason

Hugging Dustin once the Russians are down

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, (Y/N). You might want to check on Steve though.”

Looking up and shook your head when you see Steve

Dustin pushing you towards him

“I thought you didn’t want to be apart of it?”

“Yeah me too. Turns out I can’t run from it. You look like shit by the way.”

Steve snorted then winced

“You should see the other guy.”

Not very amused, you still take Steve’s face as you examine him

Sighing, you let go and punched him in the arm

“Ow! What was the for?”

“For kidnapping Dustin and apparently Erica?”

“I did not kidnap Dustin. And with Erica, that’s a different story. Ow!”

You punched him again.

“That’s for making me worried!”

“(Y/N)! We need your help!”

Dustin brought you back to your senses

“Her leg! It’s her leg!”

Your about to turn and go towards her

But Steve grabs your hand and spins you around and kisses you

You’re so in shock that you don’t kiss him back

“I’ve been wanted to do that for awhile.”

“Guys! Now is not the time for your love story!”

Dustin brings you back to your senses

“We’ll talk about it when it’s all over.”

Rushing towards El to see what’s going on

Your about to bark orders but all of a sudden you catch her leg move

Blood? No problem

Broken bone? That’s fine

But when something fucking moves in the body

That’s where you say no

And so does your stomach

Because the next thing you know is rushing away and puking

You barely pay attention to the commotion behind you

Barely notice Steve’s standing beside you making sure your okay

By the time you finish, so has Jonathan

“You okay?”

“Will be when this is over.”

Turning to see Jim, Joyce and Murray standing there

While everyone has their reunions

You stay with Steve

“So that kiss huh?”

“I-uh-sorry. I probably shouldn’t have kissed you.”

“Don’t worry about. It was nice.”

“Nice? That’s all you can say?”

“Well, I won’t mind kissing you again Steve.”

Steve’s a blushing mess and all he can do is nod his head

“Okay!” Jim’s voice boomed gaining everyone’s attention

With everything sorted, you decided to go with Nancy and Jonathan and the kids

Telling Steve and Robin to be careful and watch over Erica and Dustin

Running back inside when the car won’t start and Billy’s waiting for you

Helping with the car

Hiding with Mike, Max and El

Running with them

Getting knocked out by Billy

Coming too and realize El’s not there anymore

Racing to find her

Only to stop in terror when you see the Mind Flayer near El and Billy

Definitely gonna have nightmares.

Watching in horror as Billy defends the Mind Flayer

Watching him die and hold Max back so she won’t get attacked either

When the Mind Flayer collapses, you let go and ran to El with Mike and Max

You stand there as Mike and El hug

Feeling sad for Billy

When the malls in flames

You sit on the back of an ambulance with a blanket draped around your shoulders

“This seat taken?”

You shake your head and feel Steve sit beside you

“How you holding up?”

You shrug and lean your head on his shoulder

“Okay I guess.”

You can feel the tears coming

You don’t want to cry not yet anyways

“Gets going to be okay, (Y/N)”

Steve wraps an arm around you and kiss your head

You almost want to believe him

And you do

You stay like that for awhile

“Really Harrington? My sister.”

And for the third time, you want to kill him

You wonder if it’s normal

“Geez Henderson. I like your sister get over it.”

“Already have. It’s about damn time too.”

You put her face in your hands and shake your head

“Steve?”

Your voice is small, and you hate it

He turns to you at the sound of his name

“Can I sleep over at your house? Not like, that. Just to sleep. I don’t think I want to be alone tonight.”

Steve nods in understanding

He doesn’t want to be alone either

“Yeah so. We can have a sleepover.”

At this, nearly everyone turns to face the two of you and asks if they can join.

You both don’t have the heart to say no

So you say yes

And that’s how you found yourself in Steve’s living room

With a giant bed made up of blankets and pillows

And having a big cuddle session

And sure, you might have nightmares for awhile

But your with Steve and he doesn’t mind scaring the nightmares away

[callunavulgari]

“In the past I lay out on the land Stretched my legs felt my chest expand If we could flow together someday Then we will float away”

Heather’s Top 25 50 Songs of 2018!

guts — alex winston // sweet dreams — mark hadley // africa — toto // go to war — nothing more // smallest light — ingrid michaelson // my friends — oh wonder // knocking on heaven’s door — raign // rememberance — balmorhea // hazy shade of winter — hidden citizens // time after time — joseph william morgan // live in the moment — portugal. the man // killmonger — ludwig goransson // daddy issues — the neighbourhood // no roots — alice merton // run for your life — k.flay // play with fire — sam tinnesz // the sailor song — autoheart // warrior — steve james // IV. sweatpants — childish gambino // hello — via audio // daddy — emeli sande // paradise valley — honey and the sting // attila the king — nick glennie-smith // foolish — lauren shippen // experience — ludovico einaudi // singing in the rain — through juniper vale //  hello stranger — barbara lewis // end credits suite — nicholas britell // ahead by a century — the tragically hip // achilles come down — gang of youths // without you — leslie odom jr. // natural — imagine dragons // sky full of song — florence & the machine // broken people — logic & rag’n’bone man // flesh and bone — black math // nina cried power— hozier // kol nidrey — the yuval ron ensemble //  stronger — the score // rise like a phoenix — conchita wurst // heroes — mans zelmerlow // cut to the feeling — carly rae jepson // the greatest show — hugh jackman // the plains/bitter dancer — fleet foxes // always starting over — idina menzel // if i could turn back time — cher // new rules — dua lipa // fernando — cher // it’s quiet uptown — kelly clarkson // movement — hozier // seasons of love — rent cast

short version | long version

so, fun fact. if you start a playlist in january and add a song every time you really love it or find yourself listening to it a lot, by december you find yourself with... a very, very large playlist. 261 songs, 17 hours and 17 minutes large to be precise. which hey, last year the mix was 262 so that’s a pretty spot on average.

i sort of prefer the long one, but i mean, hey. there’s large playlists, and then there’s listing all 261 songs. so i broke it down into a moderately more digestible abridged version with only 50 songs. if you want the original playlist, the link is there. have fun. til then though, here’s my 50 most played.

i. guts || alex winston i know you're a liar, throw me into the fire man i should have known, i should have known god damn you're a liar, threw me into the fire

This song is one of those where the catchy jingle sort of hides that the meat of it is relatively dark. It’s a gorgeous song, one that I listened to for most of January, and off and on throughout the rest of the year. Alex Winston’s voice is like a dream. ii. sweet dreams || mark hadley ft. dresage Hold your head up Keep your head up, movin' on

This song I actually listened to a lot at the tale end of 2017, because it was released as part of the Wrinkle In Time trailer and it was absolutely gorgeous. This year, I found it on a Stranger Things fanvid and it’s been on my Stranger Things mix ever since.

iii. africa || toto I hear the drums echoing tonight But she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation She's coming in, 12:30 flight The moonlit wings reflect the stars that guide me towards salvation

Speaking of songs that are on my Stranger Things playlist... I’m kind of at a loss as to why this got so freaking popular this year. I mean, it is a truly dope song and I’m super fond of it but like. Was it Stranger Things? Did it just become that anthem of the year? For me, it was that I wrote fanfiction to it and also we played it on loop while we were playing beer liquor pong on vacation. It was... super surreal. iv. go to war || nothing more Hush, my baby, make no sound Maybe we can wait each other out It's a cold war Let's go to war So, this song I actually heard driving home from my friend Alex’s after marathoning a few episodes of The Flash and it just hit me super hard. I mean, it’s a great song for my kind of ships, but also, it’s just a great song. v. smallest light || ingrid michaelson Just because you don't see us Doesn't mean that we don't exist Sometimes the smallest light Shines so bright I think I originally found this song on the Watercast playlist on spotify? And I really liked it, because I like most of the songs on that playlist, but like. I was driving to work one day and like, just got hit with the biggest plot bunny for Will and El as siblings. And like, I just had that bunny and this song percolating in my head for the rest of the day, and the song just kind of stuck with me. This song is Will and El’s anthem. vi. my friends || oh wonder Can I beat within your heart? Can I bleed within your love? Oh my friends

Okay, so like show of hands- who here has read We Were Liars? This is a mostly hypothetical question because I’m not sure anyone actually pays attention to these anymore but I like them, so fuck it. Point is, I was listening to the watercast playlist a lot while reading that book and this song was playing when we made certain discoveries that most of us had already guessed, and it made me cry. vii. knocking on heaven’s door || raign It's gettin' dark, too dark to see I feel I'm knockin' on heaven's door

This fanvid happened around the time I was writing that Will and El as siblings fic and I basically played it and the video that inspired the next song on the list on repeat until I finished. This cover is lovely and haunting and just, such a freaking earworm.

viii. remembrance || balmorhea instrumental Yeah, this is the video. I actually used this song in a fanvid of my own a couple years ago, when I got to make a fanvid for @iki-teru​‘s fantastic Yuffie-centric fic All Through the Circling Years which... I can no longer find, so maybe it was taken down? Either way, I loved the song immensely before, but that fanvid with Hopper is so fucking tragic and beautiful. ix. hazy shade of winter || hidden citizens Seasons change with the scenery Weaving time in a tapestry Won't you stop and remember me

There... are a lot of songs on here that are also on my Stranger Things playlist. And I’m a sucker for haunting covers. x. time after time || joseph william morgan If you fall I will catch you, I will be waiting Time after time This is the last of the Stranger Things songs. Well, at least the last of the ones that aren’t Harringrove related. Another fanvid that caught me off guard, because just. Damn. There are so many beautiful fanvids for this fandom, it kills me dead. xi. live in the moment || portugal. the man Come back Sunday morning With that soul to sell When you're gone Goodbye, so long, farewell Not 100% sure where I first heard this one, but it stayed with me for a good portion of the spring and summer. I discovered their song feel it still around this time last year too, so clearly they’re just a real good jam for when you want to feel the sun on your back. xii. killmonger || ludwig goransson instrumental

There are a couple songs from the Black Panther soundtrack on the longer version of this mix, three from the score and one, maybe two from the credits. I freaking loved that movie so damn much, but it’s soundtrack blew my goddamn mind. It is literally all I listened to for weeks, and this song in particular fucked me right the hell up. Just listen to the flutes and the bass. Just, damn. Killmonger, you’ve got the best theme in the entire movie. xiii. daddy issues || the neighbourhood I'd do whatever I could do I'd run away and hide with you I love that you got daddy issues And I do too And heeeere it is. This was the first song that I associated with Harringrove for uh, very obvious reasons. Definitely had this and a few others on repeat whenever I had to write sexy scenes for the boys. xiv. no roots || alice merton I like digging holes and hiding things inside them When I'll grow old, I hope I won't forget to find them 'Cause I've got memories and travel like gypsies in the night

This song hits the same part of me that fell absolutely in love with Guts when I first heard it. Alice Merton’s voice is just fantastic. xv. run for your life || k.flay Bite off the venomous head Follow the chemical scent Look for the hole in the fence Take everything you demand

I got to see K.Flay in concert sometime late last year, and even though I didn’t know her very well (I told my friend that I’d see K.Flay with him if he saw Glass Animals with me) her music was sweet enough that I could appreciate the concert even knowing none of the songs. Let me tell you though, I fucking wish she’d played this song then because holy fuck. xvi. play with fire || sam tinnesz Insane, inside the danger gets me high Can't help myself got secrets I can't tell I love the smell of gasoline I light the match to taste the heat Kuroshitsuji is something I haven’t really thought about in like half a decade. And then I ended up seeing this vid while I was waiting for my connecting plane to arrive so I could go see my family. I only saw the damn thing because it was made by the same person who did this one, which I hunted down because I was reading Yuri On Ice fic on the plane and the point is: pingvi is amazing and all of their vids are a goddamn delight. xvii. the sailor song || autoheart I was your sailor, your demon Your lover, your overbearing best friend Hoping for some attention

So, while I was down visiting my family sometime during the spring, I had a brief dizzying spiral where I fell head over face into the Pacific Rim fandom, because Uprising quite emphatically fucked me up. Anyway, because of this I spent the night after I saw it scrolling through fanart and reading half a decade old fanfiction while my brother was trying to make me pay attention to him. And yeah, that’s how I found this art and listened to this song for like the rest of the fucking year. xviii. warrior || steve james I got my head high, my chest out, my eyes open wide I got no fear, got no doubt and, god, I feel alive I'm not stopping for ya, I'm a fucking warrior

My brother showed me a bunch of fanvids on my first day down there, but my favorite was this one, because I’d recently watched Little Witch Academia and this was so freaking cute and all kinds of lovely. xix. iv. sweatpants || childish gambino Rich kid, asshole: paint me as a villain

Another thing that happened to me that week was the discovery of lipgallagher’s fantastic harringrove fic (shoot the lights out, hide) till its bright out. Which is all kinds of great and lead me to this song and the realization that Donald Glover does music? xx. hello || via audio How could it be Someone could find me Too scary to say hello to This was one of the songs on Damien’s fanmix from The Bright Sessions. And because The Bright Sessions suckerpunched me with feelings, I spent like a month straight listening to that mix and getting into that garbage man’s headspace. It was wonderful. xxi. daddy || emeli sande He's out your system yeah it took you a while You got your family back and you got your smile And you promised your sister that you'd never go back again I spent the better half of this year shipping Harringrove and Mark/Damien, which are both ships that are... well, not exactly the healthiest of relationships. Mark/Damien fucking ruined me. Listening to the last bit of The Bright Sessions was basically physically painful because like, okay. Logically I know that Damien is a garbage person. But also, he’s got a shitty power that would lead to some pretty interesting moral dilemmas even if you were a normal nice person (cough cough Mark), and like. They’re both so fucked up and Damien is so in love with Mark even if he’s not entirely sure how to be a fucking person and I have never had a pairing come after me as hard as this one did. Like it really came after me. Anyway, this was my true Damien/Mark anthem, because it’s fucking perfect and awful and fantastic and I just want them back in my life, guys.

xxii. paradise valley || honey and the sting In the past I lay out on the land Stretched my legs felt my chest expand If we could flow together someday Then we will float away

This here is my most played track of 2018. I first heard it during the special two hour episode of Wolf 359 and the whole end of that episode just blew my mind. So I immediately went to spotify, found it, and have basically listened to it all year since then. It helps that Nick loves it too, so every once in a while he’ll be playing it, which reminds me why I love it and just. It’s so soulful and beautiful.

xxiii. attila the king || nick glennie-smith instrumental

Yeah, I literally have no idea how this made it to the top 50 much less the top five, but apparently it did. It is really good writing music, but still.

xxiv. foolish || lauren shippen The impossible happens every day No matter what you do it won’t go away Don’t ask for more But then what are you waiting for

This was my year for podcasts - in one year I fell in love with Wolf 359, The Bright Sessions, and EOS 10 all over again when it came back for its third season. Near the end of the series though, The Bright Sessions did a musical episode! I listened to it in my car on my way to work and basically spent the entire freaking time smiling like an idiot. Truly my favorite episode. xxv. experience || ludovico einaudi instrumental

The Sense8 finale came out in June and it was absolutely wonderful. This song was playing during the last scene of the series and I fucking cried my eyes out. The song itself is fucking gorgeous, but what’s more is it made that last scene so much more than it would have been if they’d chosen any other song. It truly was, and forgive the corniness, a fucking experience. xxvi. singing in the rain || through juniper I'm singin' in the rain Just singin' in the rain What a glorious feeling I'm happy again I went through a phase in June-July where I checked out a bunch of old movies from the library. The first one was Philadelphia, because it was mentioned in the musical episode of The Bright Sessions and I just really wanted to watch it? But I also picked up Singing In The Rain, because I’d never seen it before and just, damn. I watched it before work and it was raining that day and the drive to work was the most fun because I just listened to different covers of the song and sang my heart out, and I was just so damn happy. It was dumb, and nice, and it probably going to be one of my happiest memories that I take with me into the new year. xxvii. hello stranger || barbara lewis Hello, stranger (ooh) It seems so good to see you back again How long has it been? (ooh, seems like a mighty long time)

I also watched Moonlight sometime in late June. It was one of those quiet nights where nothing really seems good enough, where you feel just a little bit empty inside and nothing is helping. So I watched the movie and read @notbecauseofvictories​‘s A Cornstalk Fiddle on my back porch afterwards and the movie combined with the fic and the music turned that quiet empty night into something just as quiet, but a million times more full. Another good memory from 2018 that’ll stay with me for awhile.

xxviii. end credits suite | nicholas britell instrumental From the end credits of Moonlight - I played both this and Hello Stranger on repeat while I finished up the fic I mentioned above.

xxix. ahead by a century | the tragically hip No dress rehearsal This is our life

I watched Anne With An E. I was sad a lot at the time, and got to a part early on in the second season that kind of lead me into an uncomfortable headspace so I actually still haven’t finished it? But it was really nice for awhile, and I hope to go back and finish it sometime.

xxx. achilles come down | gang of youths Just humour us, Achilles, Achilles, come down Won’t you get up off, get up off the roof?

I’m not 100% sure where I found this song either? My gut reaction is that it was a song I found while I was reading either The Cruel Prince or The Goblin Emperor, but I’m not sure. Good song, though.

xxxi. without you | leslie odom jr. The earth turns The sun burns But I die Without you

Oh man, I found this cover one night while I was reading, and like, I was reading, so at first I didn’t really process what I was hearing, just that it was familiar and that I liked it. And then my brain connected the dots and I looked up and saw that it was a cover by Leslie Odom Jr and immediately restarted the song and just listened.

xxxii. natural | imagine dragons Deep inside me, I'm fading to black, I'm fading Took an oath by the blood of my hand, won't break it I can taste it, the end is upon us, I swear Yeah. I like Imagine Dragons. Honestly though - this one might not have made the cut if I hadn’t heard it a few months later on an EOS 10 playlist.

xxxiii. sky full of song | florence & the machine Grab me by my ankles I've been flying for too long I couldn't hide from the thunder In the sky full of song So, a while back there was that video going around where Florence literally sang this song while a storm started up around her, and like, that was the first time I heard this song? That was the first I heard that she even came out with a new album, so I basically sat down and listened to the whole thing, but this one was still my favorite.

xxxiv. broken people | logic & rag’n’bone man Broken we ain't beaten There's no glory in defeat We won't fall into the cracks between our streets

I uh, may have watched a couple fanvids after Infinity War. This was one of them.

xxxv. flesh and bone | black math Break the truth inside of me Climbed down to hell on the devil’s tree I clutched a branch of soot and flame The thought that rose, to scorch my feet

I walk alone Beside myself Nowhere to go

This was another.

xxxvi. nina cried power | hozier It's not the song, it is the singin' It's the heaven of the human spirit ringin' It is the bringin' of the line It is the bearin' of the lie It's not the wakin', it's the risin'

So last year Take Me To Church made it to my Top 38 or whatever I had it narrowed down to, mostly because I went through a Les Mis phase. But I kind of joked on that post last year about Hozier releasing an album next year and how unlikely it was, and lo, here we have it. Maybe not a full length album, but five new beautiful songs.

xxxvii. kol nidrey | the yuval ron ensemble Nidrana lo nidrei, V'essarana lo essarei Ush'vuatana lo shevuot. Maggie Stiefvater posted this song to her blog a couple months ago and I was really fond of it. It’s incredibly beautiful.

xxxviii. stronger | the score I do this with conviction I write truths and never fiction My disease is what you fed I can't stop with my ambition

Oh look, another Marvel fanvid.

xxxix. rise like a phoenix || conchita wurst I rise up to the sky You threw me down but I'm gonna fly So honestly, basically the rest of the mix are songs from Ryan’s OR mix which is an official EOS 10 playlist. It’s phenomenal, and I basically spent all of October and some of November getting stuck on various songs in the mix. xl. heroes || mars zelmerlow Don't tell the gods I left a mess I can't undo what has been done Let's run for cover

Yup. Giving me feels and also super catchy.

xli. cut to the feeling | carly rae jepson Ah, I wanna cut through the clouds, break the ceiling I wanna dance on the roof, you and me alone I wanna cut to the feeling, oh yeah Okay, but like - why did nobody tell me that Carly Rae Jepson had other songs and they were super fucking catchy? I spent the last few days of being a waitress driving to work blaring this and the last two songs and it did fucking wonders for my mood.

xlii. the greatest show | hugh jackman Ladies and gents, this is the moment you've waited for (woah) Been searching in the dark, your sweat soaking through the floor (woah) And buried in your bones there's an ache that you can't ignore Taking your breath, stealing your mind And all that was real is left behind

Breaking news, The Greatest Showman was amazing and I cried. I fucking missed hearing Hugh Jackman sing, and like the fucking lead up, of starting the movie with this song and then ENDING it with this song, with that performance, with those fucking lines (this is the moment you’ve waited for) - was so goddamn energizing. I just could not fucking deal.

xliii. the plains/bitter dancer | fleet foxes I should have known one day you would come All of us walk so blind in the sun Midnight feeder, beggar pleader

Okay, okay. So there's this playlist called Wet Black Leaves that I listened to a lot when I started my new job, throughout rainy October and November, everything was just a little too wet and a little too cold, and this whole mix is so atmospheric and gorgeous. I absolutely adore it.

xliv. always starting over | idina menzel Am I always Starting over? In a brand new story Am I always Back at one After all I've done?

The finale of Wolf 359 fucked everyone up, right? Yeah, obviously. Okay, well the final episode of season 3 of EOS 10 also fucked me right the hell up. Like we’re talking messy crying in the car on the way to your like second or third day at the new job. Anyway, I kind of spiraled and then I went back and listened to Ryan’s mix and found this song and just wanted to kick my heart around for awhile.

xlv. if i could turn back time | cher If I could reach the stars I'd give 'em all to you Then you'd love me, love me, like you used to do If I could turn back time MESSY CRYING. But like, I also really like this song. So MESSY CRYING and also screaming all these words as loudly as I can within the relatively safe confines of my car. I guarantee you that people next to me at stop lights thought that I’d gone through a messy breakup.

xlvi. new rules | dua lipa Three: Don't be his friend You know you're gonna wake up in his bed in the morning And if you're under him, you ain't gettin' over him Okay, but also some of the Ryan songs were catchy in a not heart breaking way, unless you think about the untold story of what exactly went on between Ryan and Akmazian and fill in the blanks and break your own heart.

xlvii. fernando | cher There was something in the air that night The stars were bright, Fernando They were shining there for you and me

Cher did an entire cover album of Abba songs in like, late October, I think? And like, my little gay heart fucking exploded and I listened to Cher singing ABBA songs for like three whole weeks and it was fucking fantastic. This... was actually not my favorite of the bunch until I went into a Barnes and Noble to pick up a copy of The Wise Man’s Fear and had a completely transformative experience when I heard it playing softly over the stacks.

xlviii. it’s quiet uptown | kelly clarkson If I could spare his life If I could trade his life for mine He’d be standing here right now And you would smile, and that would be enough

And after a brief detour into delightful cher/abba combinations we’re back to tragic EOS 10 songs. Additionally, I’m sick of Hamilton songs fucking me up. I get to see it in person in 2019 and I’m going to make a fool of myself when I cry my eyes out in front of Nick and our friends.

xlix. movement | hozier So move me, baby Shake like the bough of a willow tree You do it naturally

And just when I thought we were just going to get the four songs out of Hozier in 2018, we got this gem, which I think I like more than all the others.

l. seasons of love | rent cast Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes How do you measure the life Of a woman or a man?

I will never be over this song. I will never be over this musical. Merry Christmas, guys.