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#end of the year coping mechanism
sylvanium · 2 years
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Get Ready For Christmas When You Are NOT In The Mood, ft. 2022:
my mom: non-planned baking a shit ton of candy, huffing and puffing how she hates that, while listening to Abba and Depeche Mode on full volume
my sister: cleaning the house like crazy, no music, just True Crime podcast and hundreds of episodes of F.R.I.E.N.D.S., lighting up a ginger spice-scented candle with a 'BURN IN HELL' inscription
me: packing gifts in goofy dinosaur paper and baking cookies for the whole family, decorating the batch of gingerbread (so we have a Stripper, a Borat and two Mortally injured gingerbreads because no one was watching me) while listening to old-school power metal band Axxis and my ultimate Christmas song 'All I Want For Christmas Is Beautiful People’, mentally preparing myself for another chapter of cats vs. Christmas tree 2022 edition
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me: “Okay. This is fine.”
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deoidesign · 4 months
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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dystopicjumpsuit · 7 months
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Seasonal depression got me like
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You ever think about what it was like for Luz to explain to her friends and family that ‘oh yeah I died saving the Collector when he tried to friendship Belos into being good, until King’s dad, who’s also bigender, pulled me out from sinking into death, told me to tell King he loved him with a bread pun-also he had a dad bod and a mini Hootie just sticking out of one of his eye sockets- and then asked me if I wanted to be the chosen one and when I agreed I came back from death! And like, Eda and King already dealt with the ‘holy shit Luz actually died’ thing but like, Camilia, Amity, Gus, Hunter, and Willow knew absolutely NOTHING
at that point I think Luz just has to sit down with Eda and King and they all have to think about the pros and cons of just. not. saying anything. and keeping it on the down-low that Luz died briefly. Eda and King are both absolutely fucking terrified of anyone else hearing, especially Eda since Luz died, y'know, while under her watch, so.
Of course, as Luz is explaining this, she says something along the lines of "I mean, we haven't even really processed Hunter's death, so it could either work with us or--"
to which Eda immediately stands up, bids fare thee well, and busts out the strongest bottle of wine she has. she has not processed her own kids death, she's not about to think about that other kid briefly dying, thank you very much
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lunityviruz · 10 months
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If you wanna see a loser bitch get mad as hell tell a fanfic writer to PROPERLY tag their fic as rape. Not just write "noncon" in the post but go into the notes and actually tag it as "tw rape" because they get mad asf when you call them out on it. How the fuck am I supposed to find good smut fics when each and everyone of yall are sexualizing and romanticizing rape and using the excuse that it's "dark content" no nigga you're fucking weird. You're a weirdo with a rape fetish and you're projecting it through a fictional character who has nothing to do with that and you refuse to tag it because you want notes and interactions with more people who say shit like "Omg X character nonconning his darling is sooo hot 🥺💗🎀🌸".
Don't get mad at me for calling you out on it because if you didn't write it in the first place, and if you actually tagged it I wouldn't have to see it at all.
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What inspires you to write? And how do you deal with a writer's block?
hi love <3
i think the little things inspire me to write? a product of my daydream, a little sth that catches my attention like a song lyric, a concept photo or a quote. i'm really inspired by kdramas or movies that i watch, or the books that i (used to) read.
as of lately, i'm more into the whole worldbuilding and the plot aspects of writing- that's where i start, and then i fit/shape the member i write for accordingly. the members are just characters in the fic, the world and the setting that i create for them is the primary focus. that mainly inspires/drives me to write.
as for writer's block, when i feel it coming, i try to find the source of it and deal with that directly. sometimes, real life is overwhelming us (real life is always overwhelming me and i actually write to cope so if even writing starts to overwhelm me... i'll have nothing left LOL).
sometimes, it's bc we just need a little break to sort our thoughts out. it's okay to not always actively write and post. i take a little congratulatory break after each fic posted where i just watch sth or read stuff or rot. it works really good bc i actually want to write when the break is over. in case i'm obsessed with an idea i just have to write, i try to do planning instead of actually writing. (and i think in the long run its better to have these little breaks instead of a big writer's block break, but sometimes we do need the big break :') don't be scared of it)
also, i think it's really imp that you know who you are writing for. you should primarily be writing for yourself, and then for the readers. the pressure of posting sometimes gets to us, and that's okay, we just need to take a few deep breaths and think. sometimes, we're losing motivation, there's lack of feedback, or various other factors that make it seem like a writer's block is coming. but really, prioritise yourself in when and what you write <3
and to add on to this-- give yourself the ego boost no one will (or write out of spite like i do). you're amazing, you're a great writer, you write juicy stuff, and that's all that matters! people don't have to love you for you to know that you're a great writer! gaslight yourself if you have to (it works). write out of spite-- hmm, why has no one written xxx trope about yyy member yet? if no one has, i will. this also works.
also, i think the most imp thing in all this yapping is being able to talk to someone if you feel like you can't write. sometimes when you feel like you're stuck and there's only darkness, talking to someone about what you feel, or what you want to write and bouncing ideas with them lights up that bulb in your head and before you know it, you're back on track again.
and if you ever need that person, i'm here for you <3
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seaweedstarshine · 5 months
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Sometimes I think of Amy Pond, who grew up being called mad by those who wielded the word as a tool of exclusion and shame —
Amy Pond, who though forced into the hands of four psychiatrists, still clung to that which they called madness until those systems which elevate psychosocial conformity above humanity stripped it from her —
Amy Pond, whose imaginary friend reappeared for a single hour after twelve years and reignited that faith before disappearing for two more years —
Amy Pond, who spent those those two years under the same implicit threat ingrained in her through psychiatric violence, and thus began to believe the man who stopped the invasion was “just a madman with a box,” only for him to agree, and to also call her “mad, impossible Amy Pond,” reframing madness as non-negative for the first time in her life —
Amy Pond, who ignored the disembodied voice of her imaginary friend even as she ran away with him for real, who still lived each day with the traumatic internalization of deviancy dictated upon her by the psychiatric-industrial complex that shaped her from childhood —
Amy Pond, who wouldn't acknowledge the Doctor's voice, such that it took an Angel in her eye that was literally killing her to ensure she couldn't reality check herself —
Amy Pond, who stood before a room which muttered about “the psychiatrists we brought her to,” and though afraid, escaped their rigid parameters of acceptable existence.
#I like seeing it as indicating she began hearing his voice when he was gone for all those years! why else wouldn't she say anything?#actually psychotic Amy agenda#Amy Pond#eleventh doctor#reclaimed language#oh look its another antipsychiatry themed doctor who post#sumn abt in Fairies At The Bottom Of The Garden audio AND Imaginary Enemies comic we see Amelia bein called slurs against psychotic people#(shes called psycho in both)#like!!! and SO MUCH OF AMYS STORY is about her claiming her agency in ways that previous companions weren't allowed to-#companions whose status as a Wife was a signifier of an to end of their value individually- 'this is no place for a married woman' etc#in some cases Wife-ness forced upon them *as* a denial of agency 'I spent all that time trying to find you I'm not going back now!' etc#whereas Amys story deconstructs that; Amys “Choice” is an illusion- Amy being a Wife doesn't demote her agency as an companion#anyways I love that aspect of reclaimed agency for Amy but ALSO#“madness” as an expression of agency against systems of oppression is SO relevant. the mind defends itself and the alternative isnt better#the oppressive system in this case being ableist structures and the psychiatric system ITSELF which is a whole other layer#the moral being that even if the Doctor WAS a delusion? he'd still be a needed coping mechanism for a child who says “ppl always leave”#and instead of examining her feelings of abandonment they insist 'aLiENs DoNt ExIsT' as seen in the 'sTaRs DoNt ExIsT' psychiatrist in TBB#they don't care that she's in PAIN- why would they?- they just care that she's 'abnormal' and therefore not deserving of humanity#(eleventh) doctor is neurodivergent tag#I mean technically this is about Amy but I once (twice) used that tag on the post about the Master. its the spirit of it!#and Amy Pond + her Raggedy Doctor as “mad” people is very *chefs kiss*#((you know what im putting the tag on my last Amy post :D ))#Mels experienced this very differently and I'll make a post about her at some point- I just wanna make sure my points are got across better#sumn abt Amelia's “crazy” was Mels' “delinquency.” Amy treated as if she doesn't know her own life while Mels treated as threatening#sumn abt adultification of Black girls while Amy is infantilized#Amy Pond who could rewrite reality in a reborn universe because she grew up with a Crack in her wall that no one believed was special —#ableism#saneism#unreality#because I mean Amy's stand against psychiatric dehumanization was to REWRITE THE UNIVERSE with her Crack powers
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birdie-ghost · 2 months
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Guys we're so back I remembered how to love drawing
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doonarose · 1 year
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I dunno, I kind of want Season 3 to have skipped over a bunch of stuff so we can start with Aziraphale in heaven, plotting to overthrow all of it from the Metatron down, stop the second coming, and move back to earth as soon as possible. He's assembled a secret army made up of a bunch of other like-minded demons and angels, who, he has discovered also just want to have niche hobbies and play at the boundaries of humanity. They only needed to be slightly tempted into it and now they all have their own little human obsessions and have promised that when they go to earth, they'll only be working the smallest of miracles and curses which Aziraphale is quite confident will inevitably all just cancel each other out.
Crowley's mostly worked out his Point, and has begrudgingly made friends, some drinking buddies that he can rile up and call names and it's not quite the same as having Aziraphale around but he's no longer passively suicidal all the bloody time. He probably coaches a junior football team, or volunteers at an animal rescue a day or two each week, and runs multiple twitter accounts stirring shit up online. He's got a job, one he takes quite a lot of pride in, running the Alnwick Garden where the collection of poisonous plants has tripled during his tenure and the number of humans passing out has only doubled. There has also been a remarkable increase in the number of both meet-cutes and divorces occurring within the gardens that the Times once tried to report on but the journalist and all her notes disappeared before going to print. Crowley organises small expeditions to the unexplored corners of the world, always able to find some underground cavern or lush rainforest or barren desert that somehow all of humanity has missed. And within them, new plants for him to catalogue and, on occasion, vaguely eldritch, albeit thumb sized, new beasts.
So by the time we see them coming back together, they've done their personal growth and we can see that and, importantly, they can see that, and so all that's left to do is communicate with each other properly, which will likely be screaming for about twenty minutes, making out for about another fifteen, and then a lazy hour of quiet apologies, confessions, and secrets. Then they stop the second coming (while holding hands, and kissing, and flirting and beaming) and live happily ever after.
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kazeofthemagun · 3 months
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Me:
Real life events:
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elias-magnussy · 2 months
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Apologies coming in with such an, ah, personal ask, but I'm sure you will be able to understand my.. curiosity, to put it simply.
As I understand your Barnabas.. met quite an unfortunate fate. And having been through some eerily similar situations myself, I can't help but wonder about your feelings on the whole thing.
The choice you made. Was it quite difficult for you as well? No need to go into any of the finer details, of course, I wouldn't want to spoil anything for your Barnabas, but I feel the need to ask. The need to Know, if you will.
-👁️(AKA yet another Elias)
What a delight to receive such a missive... Hello to you too, good sir!
To answer the question, mmh. Well. How could I not, really? Would the man even be worth mentionning if I didn't? Yes, I truly did care about him, I'd even call my feelings something like love. But I sacrificed him -or let him die, whatever you want to call it- all the same. It was necessary. Because the hunger inside me was relentless and intoxicating, and I couldn't stand to not know. How he'd die, what would happened, the effect on me, on the other people who cared about him. Because Beholding fed on my misery and loss as well, and I knew It's presence always at my back would make things quite a lot more tolerable and even enjoyable.
Let me ask you a question in turn, then: What about Jonathan Fanshawe's, er. Shall we call it a betrayal? I will admit I felt more sorrow over this particular loss, mostly because it wasn't a decision of mine (although obviously not helped by my actions.)
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netherdevil · 2 months
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you know the fixation is strong when thinking about it makes you physically nauseous
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casualhedonists · 8 months
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DATING IS SO HARD WTF
#vent to follow in the tags lmao#like. what????#people!!! chill the fuck out!!#i had some dude unmatch with me bc i didn’t respond to him YESTERDAY#and like it’s not that big of a deal we’d only just matched but like?? patience is a fucking virtue?? and i have a life?#he was all like come back :((( then two minutes later he was like ok sorry for bothering you bye and then LEFT#like. fine if you do that but the message?? what??#anyway it came at a bad time bc. a bitch is already in crisis rn#cause i kinda feel like my irl friends hate me for some reason and i already feel bad that i’ve been so busy i’ve not been able to#talk to them that much#and i was supposed to go on a trip with my friend but that’s been postponed (not her fault or mine)#and my car still won’t start. we tried to jump it today and it didn’t do anything#anyway i’m like rapid cycling through major emotions and it’s like mimi chill the fuck out#and listening to way too much phoebe bridgers i know the end#also i’m in crisis bc i’ve made up with like. my oldest friend who used to have a crush on me and when i told him i preferred girls he like#stopped talking to me for a while#that was years ago and now we’re slowly becoming friends again but i feel so much guilt over it for no reason#and i get into avoidant episodes as a coping mechanism and like. i feel like im going into one atp#okay okay vent over im okay lmaoo#sorry folks hope your days going better than mine <3#。・:*˚:✧。 mimi speaks!
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fabaceous · 11 months
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Done-ish with my first sweater vest ✌️ please clap and please ignore the unfinished edges (i still need to add the ribbed border to the neckline and armholes)
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atopvisenyashill · 1 month
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jon/ygritte is very interesting bc even tho their situation was pretty fucked up jon did love her! gendrya is cute but arya is too young and the books are never being finished so yeah
yeah those are both very fair. i think if we got the finished books, gendrya would be in that category of “genuine good love story” bc right now it’s like the beginning and middle build up but, especially from gendry’s end, no real climax. i don’t think arya is aware she has romantic feelings for gendry, i’ve said before i think he’s aware of her feelings and just didn’t know how to handle it, and now feels some extreme guilt over ~rejecting~ her unknown crush. and i think that’s very typical sort of romance novel misunderstanding that could come to a very lovely conclusion. but right now arya is still an eleven year old completely unaware of the romantic undertones of that entire thing while gendry is (i always forget his age is he 15??) just like, trying not to die in the riverlands while he stews in his guilt lol.
jonygritte meanwhile is VERY much one of those toxic romances but i think people are really silly about it. there’s significantly more romanticism in this relationship than other ones, and i think it’s silly to ignore that aspect for the hardline anti ygritte takes the same as like, ignoring those toxic elements really takes away how interesting this relationship is. on the one hand, there’s very much a reason that this romance serves a similar narrative purpose as like, dany/drogo, tyrion/tysha and tyrion/shae, sansa/sandor, etc, and it’s bc there’s some FREAKY consent issues going on here lmao but on the other hand….jon’s feelings for ygritte have impacted not just his own feelings on romance but also his entire leadership arc re: gender & culture it’s so stupid to pretend like she’s ONLY there as a negative influence (this is how i feel about sandor too).
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windcarvedlyre · 1 month
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While I'm talking about DR3 and its handling of themes, does anyone else feel like danganronpa's ideas of 'hope' and 'despair' became a bit flanderised sometimes?
I could be reaching- the series has always been incredibly hammy in how it uses the terms- but in DR1 they still felt somewhat grounded in the words' actual definitions and in DR2 Komaeda fixating on an abstracted conflict between 'hope' and 'despair' was presented as a bad thing. Thinking 'hope' is synonymous with 'talent' was part of the problem, but even without that he'd feel like an intentional twisted parody of Naegi. He takes the thematic conflict between hope and despair too literally; to him the concepts were less states of mind, more grand causes, and so no amount of suffering became unacceptable to him if it made for a more interesting narrative in the end.
But sometimes later additions to the series... kind of sound like him? Maybe I should revisit DR3 and give it more of a chance, but I felt like the entire narrative approached 'hope' and 'despair' in some of the ways Komaeda does. Like it kept throwing those words at me as a substitute for actual depth, because hey, it's Danganronpa, right? That's what you're here for, right? Especially considering how little interest the writers showed in non-Ultimates besides Hinata as people, making 'hope' feel genuinely associated with talent to some degree.
Similarly, in DRV3, what did it mean for the survivors to reject both hope and despair? Stripped of those words, their choice was to break out of the narrative's control, not let their reality being potentially fake get to them, and face the unknown together. Is that not 'hope'? Is that not emotionally identical to both previous games' endings? Does that not make the game's use of 'hope' completely divorced from its meaning?
If the themes were handled more coherently I could see that being done intentionally- exploring whether the series started with a good message and lost its way, and/or asking whether 'hope' is hollow if your struggles, your eventual triumph over them, everything was contrived for others' entertainment- but I feel like if that was the case the DRV3 characters should reclaim hope and reject false definitions or exploitation of it instead of rejecting hope itself. Because again, with feeling, what does that mean???
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