#even if i wasn't exhausted by the time we get home because y'know I have five million things wrong with me

[lanawinterscigarettes]

More Important (Greg House x reader x James Wilson)

Summary: you not feeling well is far more important than work in your boyfriends' eyes

Warnings: the reader is sick/doesn't feel good but it isn't specified the reason why so it's pretty much up for interpretation, House and Wilson are both loving and worried boyfriends, kind of hurt/comfort given the themes, brief and mild swearing, they/them pronouns are used to refer to the reader one (1) time in a gender neutral manner

A/N: I felt awful when I woke up the other day and when I went back to sleep I had a dream with House and Wilson that ended up inspiring this fic

When you woke up that morning, every muscle in your body ached as if someone had dropped a sack of bricks on you while you slept. As much as you wanted to just stay in bed, you unfortunately had to get up to use the bathroom.

House was still asleep next to you, letting out the occasional peaceful snore despite the time indicating he'd be late for work if he didn't wake up soon. Not that he cared.

Wilson was already up and ready, from what you could tell. That assumption was later confirmed when you stumbled to the bathroom, the sight before you making it seem as though your boyfriend was being serenaded by the sound of the blow dryer as he fixed his hair.

"Are you almost done? I need the bathroom," you mumbled groggily, leaning up against the side of the doorframe while you waited for him to finish.

"Well, good morning to you, too," He responded in a voice that was far too chipper for your taste given how early it was. "And yeah, almost." He shut off the blow dryer and turned to face you, his big brown eyes studying you with a slight look of concern. Being a doctor, of course he could recognize when something was physically wrong.

"Are you okay?" He tentatively asked, trying to approach the subject in a delicate manner. After all the time he'd spent with House he knew not everyone wanted to talk about their feelings or even admit when something was wrong.

"Yeah, 'm fine. Jus' have a slight headache." Technically it wasn't a full lie, as your head did hurt, but you were greatly underexaggerating the pain level in hopes he wouldn't worry.

Big mistake. Almost as soon as you shut the bathroom door did Wilson turn and head towards the bedroom with the full intent of waking up your other boyfriend.

By the time you were done, both House and Wilson were standing close together, presumably discussing your supposed symptoms, even if you couldn't hear what they were saying.

"I know you guys are talking about me," you grumbled out the accusation while shuffling back over to the bed. Wilson looked a bit guilty to be talking about something involving you behind your back, but House just seemed amused you still had the energy required to dish out snark despite not feeling good.

"Whatever led you to that conclusion?" House asked rhetorically. "We very well could've been discussing what traffic will be like on the way in to work, or our favorite romantic movies." At that, Wilson rolled his eyes in annoyance. House ignored him, finishing with, "Not everything is about you, y'know."

"Don't play dumb with me," was the only thing you could manage to get out as a response given how tired you were. Collapsing onto the bed, you curled under the covers in hopes that maybe all you needed was a couple hours of extra sleep.

Too exhausted for your brain to work properly, you only picked up bits and pieces of their conversation. From what you could tell, they were trying to decide whether or not they should stay home from work to look after you, and if so who it should be out of the two of them.

"I'll stay here with them. Just tell Cuddy I can't come in today because of a medical emergency," House offered while glancing over at your blanket clad form. As much as he acted like he didn't care, he didn't enjoy seeing you in pain, even if it was over something small.

"Are you sure?" Wilson questioned, just to double check in case he wanted to change his mind.

House nodded his head to confirm, uttering "yeah, I'm sure" in an uncharacteristically soft voice.

You heard the sound of footsteps approaching, feeling as Wilson leaned down to press a kiss to your face, murmuring the words "I have to go to work, but I'll be back soon". You just nodded, too weak to say anything more than a quiet "love you".

After he left, House made his way back over to the bed, gently nudging what he assumed to be your leg with his cane. "Move over," he commanded in his usual gruff manner that led little room for argument.

Obliging, you shifted over on the bed, giving him the space to lay down in his normal spot. "Sorry."

He let out a sigh as he got on the bed, feeling a little bad he was so rude given just how pathetic you looked. "It's fine."

The two of you were quiet for a moment before you spoke up again, your voice sounding a little hoarse. "I'm sorry you got stuck here with me. I'm sure you'd rather be doing anything else other than this."

As much as he didn't want to admit it, hearing you say that hurt his heart a little. Then again, he couldn't necessarily blame you for thinking that. "Not true. Why would I want to be in a hospital full of sick people I don't even like when I could be with only one sick person I can at least tolerate?"

You let out a snort of laughter, fully recognizing the jest in his tone. He obviously cared, the grumpy bastard, even if he didn't show it very often.

He felt accomplished when he heard your laugh, continuing in a softer and more genuine tone. "Besides, some things are more important, anyway."

"Mhm." Humming softly in agreement, you moved closer to him on the bed until your head was resting against his shoulder, making sure to give him the space to get up and stretch his leg if he needed to later on. "I love you."

A faint smile formed on his face at your words, one of his arms reaching over to wrap around you protectively. "I know." It was his own way of showing his love for you without having to say the words.

Feeling comfortable and safe in his arms, you must've dozed off because the next thing you remembered was being woken up by the sound of a door opening and shutting.

"Could you be any louder?" House's irritated voice rang out through your ears, the sound not being entirely unpleasant even if it did manage to wake you up more.

"Sorry," you heard Wilson apologize in a hushed tone. There's no way it was evening already, which meant he must've gotten off work early.

"What are you doing back here?" You called out, your voice sounding tired yet curious. "You're supposed to still be at work."

"I couldn't stay knowing you were home sick," he responded as he slipped under the covers next to you, not even bothering to change into more comfortable clothes first.

"Oh, sure, just forget all about me," House complained in mock offense, something that Wilson chose to outrightly ignore.

"But the hospital- I mean, you're the head of oncology, you can't just-"

"Some things are more important," Wilson gently cut off your worries, his hand reaching out to rest on top of yours.

"Hm, that sounds familiar," you muttered while giving House a look that said 'I know you two have been talking about me again'. He looked back as if he had no clue what your deal was.

"Go back to sleep, honey. We'll both still be here when you wake back up." It was hard to ignore the command of the oncologist next to you, especially when he spoke in such a low and soothing way.

"Okay," you agreed without a fight, snuggling comfortably into the arms of your two boyfriends as you closed your eyes and allowed sleep to overtake you yet again, starting to feel a lot better already.

End notes: I feel like I'm not very good at writing fics with poly couples which is a damn shame because I really love doing it </3

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[sturniolocraft]

౨ৎ waking up is a job for two, chris x reader !!

summary: you have a habit of falling asleep in random places, especially when you're supposed to be filming. chris is the one to constantly wake you up! (aka; 3 times chris wakes you up, and the 1 time chris doesn't).

a/n— this is vv much based on chris n matt saying that chris wakes up him up constantly ^_^ i debated on making this a matt fic but im feeding the chris girls tn <3

1 (A CAR VIDEO)

chris wasn't the one next to you when you had begun to fall asleep, your eyes slipping shut as the conversation went quiet and matt was reading something off his phone to start it back up.

your head rested on nick's shoulder, the two of you always sitting in the backseat whenever you were invited to these videos. you didn't mind though, always happy to be with your best friends.

nick was the first to notice you had fallen asleep, rolling his eyes before taking a selfie for snapchat. he captioned it "sleeping beauty," which he knows he'll get shit for later, but it's funny, so he doesn't really care.

"chris," nick said, kneeing the back of his seat to get his attention away from his ranting. "shut the actual fuck up before you wake them up."

chris and matt turned to look at you, matt laughing and taking silly pictures of you while chris just went quiet and smiled at you.

they began joking about your sleepiness and the way you constantly slept on the job while they wrapped up the video, matt making sure to get a close up of chris and nick looking at you before putting the camera near your drooling face.

the ride home is somewhat quiet, only matt's idle talking and chris' music playing, keeping the car from going completely silent. nick being too busy on his phone, and you're still sound asleep.

chris is left with the job of waking you up, again. his cold hands digging into your sides, feeling like ice as he purposefully soaks up all of your warmth.

"chris?" you say annoyedly, huffing at him as he leans back laughing loudly. "that wasn't fucking funny, your hands are colder than a witches tit!"

2 (AT THE ZOO)

you and chris had split off from the others for just a moment, wanting to go look at the lions one more time before bed. even though it wasn't technically allowed, he had convinced you that there wasn't any harm.

you both sat down in front of the lion enclosure, looking at the lioness as she stared pointedly at you guys. knowing that you were there just outside the glass, you gripped his hoodie sleeve for a little bit of comfort.

"y'know," he says, moving his sleeve away from you so he could grab your hand instead. "we can always go back to the tent?"

you shake your head in response, whispering that you like the quietness. both of you laugh because neither of you is very quiet, but when the laughter dies down and you rest your head on his shoulder, you're almost out like a light.

soft snores come out of you as you sleep on his shoulder. he lets you rest for a bit before he gets a text from nick asking where you guys are, he huffs as he glances down at you asleep.

he feels bad as he gently shakes you awake, "c'mon, let's get back to the tent." he whispers, standing up slowly so you can grab on and he could help you up.

"m' so tired," you say, barely awake as chris basically carries you back to the tent. "can't wait for.. breakfast."

3 (AT TARA'S PARTY)

somehow, you, being you. you had found a way to fall asleep at a bustling party, slipping away into the bathroom for a breather. you sat in the bathtub for a moment, tipsy and socially exhausted.

you should've stayed home with matt, but you just couldn't handle not going places with chris. especially when there were going to be so many people around him. maybe you're a little bit possessive, but that never hurt anybody.

your head dipped forward and back as you tried to stay awake, ultimately failing as you rested your temple on the edge of the tub. falling asleep easily even with the loud music playing.

it only took a couple of minutes for nick and chris to grow worried about where you were, both of them searching the party for you. eventually, it was jake that had stumbled upon you while he was also trying to escape to the bathroom.

getting the call that you were asleep wasn't all that shocking, but in the bathroom had nick laughing so hard he was clutching his stomach. chris made his way upstairs to the bathroom, nick following behind him at a slower pace.

when they saw you in the bathtub, they couldn't help but laugh. your body was completely limp and sweaty as chris peeled you off, wiping your face with his hand as he patted your face gently to wake you up.

"yo," he says, shaking you now. "you gotta wake up, we're going home."

your eyes open slowly, groggily looking around at him and nick standing above you. you faintly hear nick say something, "did you just call me sleepy smurf?" you ask, half asleep as chris picks you up.

+1 (DURING A MOVIE)

getting chris to watch a movie without interrupting or getting distracted was difficult, which is why you put on one that you've seen so many times you could recite it word for word.

friday the thirteenth was playing in the background as he talked at you, not really expecting you to respond as the two of you cuddled.

you didn't know when the distance had closed between you guys, both literally and figuratively. but you couldn't say that you were unhappy, you felt safe around him as he talked and was touchy even in public.

his arm around your shoulder and your head in his chest as a recipe for disaster, a good movie, and his voice was basically a lullaby for you. your eyes fluttering shut as you began drifting, letting your mind wonder as you fell asleep.

it takes him only a couple minutes later to realize you're asleep, peacefully on his chest all curled up on him. he almost wakes you up on instinct, but instead, he stops himself to quickly take a picture.

he rests his hands on your waist, playing with the fabric of your shirt as he bounces his leg while watching the movie. half because of boredom, and half because it was already a long day, he also begins drifting off to sleep.

falling asleep with his head nestled into yours, he pulls you closer even in his sleep. when matt and nick come home, they both stop to look at the two of you.

"i told you so," nick says, smirking at matt as he walks over to turn off the tv. "they had the cliche movie and everything, weirdos."

[nyarumie]

Ruined Flowers, Beautiful Flowers.

hoshina soshiro x f!reader — 3.6k words. Mentions of stabbing, reader had an outburst, attempt at angst, established friendship, extreme fluff at the end because i cant stand making my characters suffer. Not proofread!

Author's Note: It's my first time writing something involving drama, feedbacks are highly appreciated! I tried my best and got carried away with the length. 💔

Author's Reply: A request from anon here. Kinda hit way too close to home when you said reader is afraid of falling in love 😭 (also guys pls send me Narumi stuff too I want to make more content for my guy)

Ask box is open! Also cross-posted on ao3.

Cheers erupted from your platoon, exhausted strength from the fight seemingly replenished as you dealt the final blow to the Honju once again. Their eyes sparkled with victory, anticipation filling the air as they immediately chatter to plan another celebration for your win. Familiar words of praise reach your ears, but none of them truly reach your heart. What's there to praise about when you're just doing work as expected?

You offer a soft smile to your platoon who is now approaching you, finally engaging yourself in chatter. You were never one for loud occasions, but you have a reputation to keep. They went on about your elegant strikes in battle, your speed and agility that beats even the fastest of lightning, and the reputable “silent, but deadly” strides you have.

“Man, I sure would always keep my distance from our platoon leader! Might get caught up in her Kaiju kill with how silent she attacks, y'know?” one of them joked, a series of awed agreements emerging from the others.

That's right, keep your distance. Getting too close… might just kill anyone.

You close your eyes as you listen, basking in the enthusiasm exuding from your officers. To them, the hushed strides you've perfected in battle is nothing more than a technique. To you, it's just the one thing that keeps your peace, and no one will be able to understand it the way you do.

Except, there's this one person—too persistent for your liking, so much more than your comrades asking you to mentor them. Scratch that, he's not persistent; he's simply way too highly attentive, it scares you just how much about you he already had figured out.

From a distance stands Hoshina Soshiro, the esteemed Vice Captain of the division you belong to. His watchful eyes never miss anything. You fail to ignore his all too familiar peering gaze even as you try to indulge yourself in the antics of your platoon. You don't understand, you never will. Why does he desperately want to unravel you? Closing your eyes really was the best option. That way, you'll avoid making eye contact with him lest he sees through you again, as if he's starting to pick up the puzzle pieces bit by bit. Curiosity getting the best of you, you peeked one eye open to see what he's up to.

Ah, he's now making his way to you. Well, damn him.

Concluding that you have no escape from what's about to come, you sighed and bid your platoon a (short) farewell, leaving them the promise of a celebratory feast tonight. You walked and met him halfway.

Vice Captain Hoshina was already grinning from ear to ear when you neared him, as if he wasn't mentally piercing through your own mind moments ago. You pouted. In an instant, his arm is heavily draped over your shoulder, his other hand playfully ruffling your hair. 

A series of complaints were heard from you, only causing him to let out devilish laughs and made an even more mess of your hair. 

“Vice Captain! It took me almost an hour to fix and style my hair, and we have a celebration to attend later!” you complained, begging him to stop.

“Fine, fine! Ya did another excellent job today. No wonder Captain Ashiro always trusts you a hella bunch.” he said, satisfied with today's operation. “However…” 

And there he goes.

He stood too near you, still hearing clearly enough despite how hushed his voice became. “You're a lot worse today. Still not spillin' the beans? I'm your closest friend here, ya know?”

You looked away from him, finding a car ruined to smithereens apparently far more interesting than whatever this is right now. “Must be your imagination. The Honju just so happened to be tougher today.”

Lie. Today's Honju had a lower fortitude compared to last time. You both know that. And you both know there's no fooling him from what he saw.

You stood atop the Kaiju's corpse after neutralizing it. Back facing everyone, holding your head up high. To the rest of the Division, you were basking in your victory, trying to keep your breath steady after all the action that took place. But there was no fooling Soshiro's eyes.

His keen gaze traveled over your entire figure. Breath ragged, chest heaving as if deprived of oxygen, a clenched grip on your thin, sharp sword forged akin to that of a rapier—in contrast with your lax hand holding your pistol, careful to not fire a shot. You looked like you were in complete agony and exasperation. Soshiro knows that you were heavily sobbing. Silently. Alone. Exactly how you do things your way.

You were only snapped out of your unrest when cheers finally erupted from your platoon. The smile you offer, to a stranger's eyes, is soft and gentle. To him, it's sad—as if it was a struggle for you to smile wide without hesitancy. Your deadly silence in battle wasn't so silent today at all. He can hear it far too well, that each slash of your blade and each shot of your pistol is accompanied with restlessness, each attack heavier than the last.

The Honju has been reported to have no vitals detected, but you kept slashing and shooting, ‘just in case’. Outrageous. You were literally taking out whatever storm is in your head to the Honju's corpse. Not that he minded the Honju, but he cared for you. He is your friend, you can pour your heart and mind out on him instead of a corpse of a monster. Why won't you? Why is the inside of your mind much more different from what you show others? How do you do it?

He doesn't understand. Or maybe he does, but you won't let him in. He wants to be with you, even at your lowest. And he's already failing.

“I see. If the Honju is indeed tougher today,” he started, “then report to me later, Platoon Leader. Post-celebratory report will do. Take it easy for now.” 

Was he upset? He rarely addresses you by your position. You carefully turned your head back to him, afraid that he's finally fed up with your bullshit. You're insufferable. Maybe one day he'll ask you to serve another Division. But instead, you see him grace you with a real, soft smile. It makes you want to cry.

'Take it easy for now.' You wish you could unhear it. You hate how easy his words always go through you. How can you take it easy when you try so hard to not be a burden? You don't want him to know any more than he already does.

“...I've no need for rest. But thank you.” You finally feel the tiredness creeping its way through your system.

Post-neutralization banquets are rare, happening annually at most. Somehow, your platoon members managed to smooth talk their way in securing an approval for tonight's celebration. For what, you don't know.

Everyone had their eyes on you when you entered the hall, bright smiles and expectant faces greeting you. This unnerved you, knowing full well what they're requesting with their doe, puppy eyes.

“Ahem. If you're expecting a heartwarming speech, I'm not the person for the job. You all should wait for the Vice Captain for that.” you said, earning a handful of groans from your members.

A hand suddenly lightly ruffled your hair, an action you’ve grown quite accustomed to. “Wait no more! Allow me to handle things, then!” the Vice Captain cheerfully said. Taking this as your cue to sit down, you excused yourself from him, feeling his slightly disappointed gaze trailing you as you sit.

Cheers echoed from the team as he finished his short spiel, everyone’s hunger evident as they hurriedly fill their plates with food. Your tablemates are no different, they're rushing here and there to get the best pieces of meat and pour each other some drinks. You decided to wait, not wanting to contribute to the mess the hall has become.

A plate filled with juicy meat and a bowl of your favorite stew was placed in front of you. Now someone is also taking up your space? About to reprimand whoever placed them in your eating area, you looked up to see that it was just the Vice Captain.

“Eat up. Keep waitin’ for the chaos to calm down and ya will be left with nothin’ to munch on.” He sat beside you, carrying his own set of food.

“Thanks. But I can grab my own fill just fine.” That's what you said, but still started eating what he gave you.

“Mhm… Just accept it in earnest. You never happily accepted any help I offered ya.”

“That’s because no one can give me the help I need.” you absentmindedly said, almost mumbling to yourself. Soshiro remained silent, now looking at you instead of his food. Maybe you shouldn't have said that. “... Let's just eat.” 

As the end of the celebration approached, he wanted to test the waters; he got up and collected the plastic flowers adorning the tables, wrapping them around a ribbon he miraculously spotted somewhere—his own version of a small, makeshift bouquet. 

He sat down beside you again, earning your attention. You raised your brow at him upon seeing the makeshift bouquet in his hand, a silent question about what he's up to.

“Ta-da! They aren't the real deal, but I did a pretty good job, won't ya say? This one's yours, ya look good with it.” He made a gesture for you to take the flowers, which you did, studying it closely for a while.

“Vice Captain, you shouldn't be taking the establishment’s props.” you said, frowning. “We should get back to your office. Let's get today's report over with.” 

Internally sighing, he doesn't know if you're purposely acting dense or just straight up ignoring his subtle advances. Maybe he needs to tell you outright. You once told him that words and actions come hand-in-hand.

It's surprisingly cold tonight even through the heat of the celebrations. He went outside the hall, leaning against the corridor’s wall to wait for you. You told him you have unfinished business to take care of, which is scolding your far too drunk officers who took their drinking competition to another level. Groans and wails from the inside resounded through the door, probably from officers begging you to lighten their punishment. 

Finally, he saw you stepping out of the hall. No makeshift bouquet in hand spotted. “Where’d ya put it?” he asked, already knowing the answer.

“Oh, the flowers? I told you we’re not supposed to take them. So I kinda dismantled the ribbon and put them back in place…” you said, looking away guiltily.

That surprisingly stung, despite knowing you didn't want to intentionally hurt him. He knows you’d leave it there, but dismantling them is another. He struggled putting it all together, after all.

“Makes sense. Let's get the report done.” he smiled, ruffling your hair again. This time, it's his way of saying ‘it’s okay, don't feel guilty about it’.

You threw him a look of concern, the playfulness absent from his smile. “I didn't—” 

“Are ya cold?” he suddenly asked. Before you can even answer, he removed his work jacket and draped it over your shoulders. “Please put the sleeves on. Yer hands are shakin’ so bad.”

Oh, you didn't even notice. Silently, you put them on as he asked. It's so… large. And oddly comforting. You hated it, somehow. The sleeves extend way beyond your hands and it would look like a mini dress if zipped up.

Satisfied with this, the Vice Captain started walking, pace slow. You followed suit, opting to walk behind him. You looked confused. You feel overwhelmed. Why is he always doing so much? You prefer your friendly banters, the idiotic laughter you share with each other after stupid musings; you dislike the foreign feeling and lingering intention in each action he does towards you. You don't understand.

He once gave you a poetry book about flowers, saying it was like a reflection of yourself. It wasn't. You told him to stop mocking you.

You never asked for company on boring work days, but he was somehow finding his way towards you, offering an invitation to train new recruits. He knew you loved helping others, imparting your knowledge and watching them grow. You turned him down, saying he's more than capable of mentoring them himself.

Once, you were feeling a bit too competitive. Your platoon urged you on, daring you to make a bet with the Vice Captain. The losing platoon must prepare a banquet according to the winning platoon’s wishes. He can hit you in your sword sparring as many times as he can, but hit him once in the given time limit and you win. But you just so happen to miraculously strike him at the last second. He lost on purpose. But you didn't attend the banquet.

Then a tragedy occured. A citizen hiding from the Honju was left undetected, causing you to accidentally inflict a fatal wound on them as you attacked the Honju. Had you known, you would've prioritized their safety. He didn't have to cover this up. He was there. He should be reprimanding you. You were at a loss then.

You bump into his figure, letting out a sound of surprise. You were already inside his office? Perhaps your mind has been too occupied all the way here, you don't even know if he said something on the way here or when he opened the door for you.

Soshiro looked too serious at the moment. You shouldn't have agreed to report to him, because the Honju being tougher today is bullshit. This leaves you with nothing to report, and god you want to miraculously vanish into thin air at this instant.

“What's goin’ on in that li’l head of yours? It's unlike ya to get so out of focus.” he asked, crossing his arms.

“Vice Captain. I’d like to proceed with the report, please.”

“But ya don't have anything to report. I saw it well with my own two eyes.”

He can barely hear you, your voice only a mere whisper. “...Then report to me instead, Soshiro.”

He walked closer to you, your breath almost stopping. Why is it like this?

"What do ya want to know? I'll give you everything." 

Your fists clenched in frustration at his words. He's doing this on purpose, saying something that totally means another.

“Why… Why do you insist on staying by my side? Why do you care so much? I don't understand. You're my friend, but you're doing so much for just a friend. Why do you do these things? The book—the poetry book you once gave me, saying it reminded you of me—it doesn't make sense! It's full of flowery words, it speaks of beauty, but none of those are me. You’ve seen what mess of a person I am. You say you’d give me everything, but I can't even give you a single thing, Soshiro!”

You grabbed the front of his shirt, lowering your head as you failed to stop the tears from flowing.

“You should've let me rot in bed when you found me in a sickly state. Should've reported me to the higher ups for making a careless mistake. Should've distanced yourself from me, I did nothing but unintentionally hurt you when all you wanted was to look out for me.” 

You bit your lip, not wanting to spill more than you should've. A warm pair of arms went around you, causing you to cry harder, your body relaxing against your wishes.

“I see. Do my actions confuse you?” he softly asked. 

“...I can't accept them.” 

“That doesn't answer my question.” 

Still sobbing, you answered, “I don't know. You confuse me. I don't want to rely on anyone. I don't know what to make of them. I hate the lingering, unspoken intentions. I hate not understanding. I hate pushing you away, but it feels overwhelming when you're too close. I hate the comforting feeling you give me. Please don't waste your energy on me. I’m filled with dirt, my hands are covered in more blood than you know about.”

You’ve never spilled this much before, Soshiro noted. He thinks that's a lot to unpack, but he has all the time in his hands to walk you through it. You were a ticking time bomb, the impending explosion only delayed by taking out your anguish on all the Kaiju you’ve slayed. 

Soshiro caressed the back of your head, speaking. “Then I’ll help ya understand. I like you and I like bein’ with ya, even if you think otherwise. If you don't wanna rely on me, then don't. But I’ll be here when ya need me. I’ll walk you through everythin’ slowly if you’ll allow me. And I still think you're as beautiful as the flowers I keep tellin’ you about.” 

He tried holding your hand. You pulled it away when you felt his, but he insisted. “And these bloodied hands ya speak of, tell me more, please? The stains might be impossible for you to wash away, but I’ll gladly hold ‘em still.” 

He isn't the type to deliberately fool others, even if he humors himself with being a menace to others. You looked at him and was met with surprise as you were met with the soft pair of red eyes and gentle smile you’ve deniably always found comfort in. Were you deserving of this, even after unintentionally turning him away?

You let out a shaky breath, bracing yourself to recall a scenario that has haunted your mind for years. 

“A Kaiju attack. Was a yonju. It was small, but I can tell it's dangerous. Grabbed anything sharp, anything heavy I can get my hands on. I closed my eyes and kept swaying my makeshift weapon around, in hopes of defending myself. I know my sister was hiding somewhere, but it all happened too fast. I heard a piercing scream right in front of me. The yonju had found her somewhere and used her as its shield. I didn't know that even a yonju could think of that. I… accidentally stabbed my sister. She died. I should’ve kept my eyes open. I was weak and was only 14 then. Today's neutralization location is the exact same spot where it happened.”

Tears filled your eyes again. “The day… when I accidentally hit a hiding civilian. I felt my mind shut down. The same scenario replayed over and over again. Had it not been for you, both I and the civilian would've been long gone now. I was only able to take a breath when they got stabilized by the medical team.”

“I’m sorry. I understand if you don't want to involve yourself with me anymore. But thank you for… being my friend.” 

Instead of letting you go, you felt his arm wrap even tighter. “I told ya, didn't I? I’ll walk with ya through everythin'. What happened then doesn't make you any less of a person in my eyes. You’ve saved more lives than any of us can count. I’m sure yer sister will be immensely proud of ya.” 

"And! I haven't kept my end of the deal for our bet. Ya didn't attend the banquet for it." 

How persistent. But he's always been like this. It comforts you, how he's still being Soshiro even after your heavy outburst.

You cleared your throat. “You said you like me.”

“Mhm? And what about it?” 

“...I’m sorry for unintentionally pushing you away, or if I was rude sometimes. I didn't know how to handle it.” 

He let out a laugh of relief. “Dear, that was nothin’ at all! Ya don't have to reciprocate, I only wanted to do what I can for ya. That won't change anytime soon.”

Back to his playful self, he let you go and squished your tear-stained cheeks. “I’ll go with ya anywhere, even if it's straight to hell.” 

What a fast turnaround of mood. You don't mind it, though. There's no use drowning in your anguish. You wanted to get better.

You frowned. “Don't want you to go to hell, ‘Shiro.” 

“Was kiddin’. Get some rest?” 

You tiredly nodded at him, eyes heavy. “Vice Captain. I’m officially giving you a chance. At the same time, I’ll start getting better.”

He shot you an incredulous look. “My title? Really now? Fine then, Platoon Leader, as a reward for taking your first step, let me bestow this upon ya. Close your eyes.”

What is he up to now? You’ll punch him with no hesitation if he kisses you on your lips.

You felt something cold wrap around your wrist, his own hand gripping the back of yours.

“Open up.” He held up your hand to your face level. It's a floral bracelet. He always loves associating you with flowers. You don't understand why, but someday you know you will.

“Perfect match, ain’t it? Now, for the cherry on top…”

His next move took you by surprise. With no hesitation, he kissed your palm. “There. I hope that wasn't too much?”

Receiving no reply, his eyes snapped to your face, worried if he overstepped his newly established boundary.

The sight that greeted him was something to behold. You were looking at anything but him, unable to control the redness of your face. Ah, so that was quite the shot to your heart then?

“Hello? Earth to you?”

“I’m fine! It's okay! Just… not used to it. Do give me a warning next time for my sake, please. And we're not yet in a relationship, mind you.” you said, shyness still evident.

He heartily laughed, still not letting go of your hand. “I’ll walk ya back to your room now. The princess needs her long needed quality sleep.”

And sure enough, it was indeed the most peaceful night you’ve ever had.

[eternal-evergreens]

hello! i saw the request open so i would like to request yandere azul from twst having a relationship with his darling (fem reader) but deep down his darling started to get tired of the relationship because y'know, his yandere tendencies. especially he's super clingy to her it makes her suffocated around him.

thank you,

｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+*⁠.⁠✧ "Error 30004" ｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+*⁠.⁠✧

Post type: drabble

Pairing: Yandere!Azul Ashengrotto x Fem!Reader

Word count: 744

Warnings: Angst, pretty tame for a yandere fic actually

Being Azul's girlfriend wasn't...without benefits, but the cons are slowly, steadily starting to outweigh the pros. He is far, far too dependant on you. And aside from the mental exhaustion his clinginess causes you, you're sure it can't be healthy for him, either.

Truthfully, you should have broken up with him a long, long time ago.

To be fair, you have tried. It's just...whenever you start to steer the conversation to something more somber, it's as if you can hear his heart breaking into little pieces.

The image of his face, tear-stricken and blindsided, keeps you up at night.

But enough is enough. This is the sixth time he's tried to delay your departure just tonight. It was well past midnight, and you were supposed to have been gone by five.

"Oh dear, would you look at the time? I'm afraid I simply cannot allow you to walk home at this hour. Why don't you stay the night? I've already made the preparations, just in case." Of course he has.

You take a deep breath, square your shoulders, and look him in the eyes. "Azul," you say. "This would be the eighth night in a row that you've asked me to stay over. I already told you that Grim is waiting for me back at Ramshackle. I promised him I'd come home tonight. I told you that I'd go home tonight."

"But I couldn't possibly let you walk home in the dark, even with me to walk you back it'd still be—"

"—'Improper'. I know, Azul. You've given me this spiel a hundred times before. At this point I spend more time in Octavinelle than I do in my own dorm!"

"Is that such a bad thing?" He asks. His composure is wavering. An ordinary person wouldn't be able to tell, but you know him well enough to know the difference. He shakily reaches for you hand, but you bat it away. You sigh heavily, closing your eyes and putting your hand up to your temple.

"Azul, I can't do this anymore. I need space. You aren't even giving me room to breathe."

"...You're...breaking up with me...?" His voice is cracked, and you can hear him holding back a sob. Against your better judgement, you crack an eye open. Clear grey eyes welling with tears, a wobbly lip, pinched eyebrows. It's the very same face that you'd been fearing all this time.

Your resolve cracks.

"I just—I just need a break. We don't have to break up, just—just show me that we can live without each other, okay? It's not healthy. We're not healthy."

"...o...ut...?" Azul mumbles something, but you can't make it out over his cries.

"What was that?" You ask, trying to sound as gentle as possible.

"So what?!" He says, nearly yelling. "So what if it's not healthy?! We love each other, don't we?!"

"Azul..." He begins to break down in your arms. You hesitantly hold him as he cries, rubbing soft circles into his back. After what feels like an eternity wrapped up in an hour, Azul's sobs finally calm down enough for him to speak.

"We love each other..." He says, nearly murmuring. "Isn't that enough...?" Neither of you say anything more, and eventually, his breathing evens out, indicating he's finally asleep.

Your sleeves are wet. It's been a long night

Gently laying Azul onto his pillow, you check the bedside clock. It's one in the morning. Grim is going to give you an earful...assuming he's awake enough to care, that is.

In the bathroom, a spare toothbrush, shampoo, conditioner, hair ties, face wash, makeup.

In the bedroom, an extra pillow, spare clothes, an overnight bag, a sleep mask, a weighted blanket.

In your bag, school supplies, snacks, a water bottle, a friendship bracelet with a paw charm. Your resolve strengthens.

You pack up your things, all of them, and leave. When you get back to Ramshackle, you send a quick text, and then promptly shut off your phone.

1:06AM

I went back to Ramshackle. I took all my overnight stuff with me, too. Won't be needing it anymore. Sorry, Azul, but I lied. This is the end.

Delivered.

7:46AM

You have -78- missed calls.

You have 62 new voicemails.

You sigh, quickly hitting something on your phone before shutting it off again. You knew you shouldn't have looked.

From across the campus, Azul stares at his screen.

Message failed to deliver.

[angel-of-the-moons]

uhm

Pavitr x wife f!reader: Pavitr noticed that the reader has been feeling really tired lately so he takes her to a love hotel 😌

The Escape

Pavitr x Wife!Reader

TW/CW: Fluff, NSFW, smut, established relationship, marriage, PiV sex, protected sex (condom), morning sex, somnophilia (pre-established consent), grinding

MINORS DNI I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR CONTENT YOU CONSUME

A/N: Pavitr is obviously an adult in this fic, so anons can stop screeching into my ask box

🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷

You had a very bad day at work today. First, your best mop broke while you were cleaning the main room of the building you were contracted to clean this week, then, you had to listen to your boss harp at you for taking too long when she said she wouldn't reimburse you or replace said mop you bought for work; the mop that was steam-powered and easier on your back to push around.

Now you were back to using a regular janitorial bucket and mop and god, you were hurting so bad.

You wanted to go home, crawl in bed, and sleep for a month.

You were just thankful today was the last day you'd have to clean that god-forsaken building, and you'd get to take two weeks to relax.

Of course, you'd do so with your golden retriever of a husband, Pavitr Prabhakar. His cuddles were some of the best ever, and you knew you'd be able to recharge the moment you snuggled up into him on your bed and drifted off to sleep.

What you weren't expecting to come home to, however, is packed suitcases neatly organized by the front door, Pavitr wearing an adorably dorky shirt with dog patterns on it, a big sunny grin on his face.

"Uh--Pav?" You blink.

"Okay, okay, I know this is weird!" He laughed, shaking his hands and rubbing the back of his neck. "But c'mon! I know you've been exhausted with work the past month, and now that you have a couple weeks to relax... We could take a trip!"

Your jaw hung agape as he continued. "I booked a hotel for us. It's on the edge of Mumbattan, but the view is amazing! I got lucky and scored some coupons in a raffle, so I only had to pay half price! It's one of those swanky hotels that normally cost like... two weeks worth of a paycheck. But I paid waaaaaaay less."

You felt your heart do a funny little flip at his gesture of love. "Pavitr..."

"I know." He smiled at you bashfully, holding your hands in his excitedly. "As soon as we get there, we can take a nice long nap, the two of us. Then we can order dinner or eat at the restaurant in the hotel!"

"What about.... Y'know. Your Spider-Man stuff?" You asked him.

"Well, things on the streets seem calm this past month, and I went on ahead and told Miguel what I was planning. He's not as scary as everyone says! He waved his hand off and told me to come home and take care of you. Cool, right?"

You made a mental note to bake some cookies for Miguel as a thank you for that.

"C'mon, lovie. Pretty please?" He said, sticking out his bottom lip and giving you his sweetest little puppy dog eyes.

You always caved when he did that...

"Okay, okay..."

"Yay! Now, I packed your suitcase for you so you don't have to do anything but sit and look pretty! Let's go!" He winked at you.

🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷

Pavitr was not lying, the hotel was gorgeous. It had an indoor pool with a waterfall, a hot tub, and two restaurants plus a bar surrounding the swimming areas.

You two ate at one of the restaurants, and despite your exhaustion, you were enjoying yourself. You were having a wonderful time and trip with your darling goofball of a husband (who tripped and fell in the pool because he wasn't watching where he was going, soaking his clothes all the way through.).

When you got back to the room, you and Pavitr took a nice long bath together, taking turns washing each other and running fingers through each other's hair.

When you dried off and flopped down onto the plush bed--you didn't even bother with nightclothes--you decided it was the perfect way to end the night.

But Pavitr had... other ideas. You felt his warm hand on the curve of your spine and you turned your head to look over at him, and his eyes were so warm and patient.

"Heyyy... I'm not done spoiling you, yet, lovie." He said softly to you

"Pav, I don't think you need to do more for me for the rest of my life. Today was amazing." You sigh sweetly with a smile.

"No, no, this is definitely something you need." He hummed, getting up off the edge of the bed and walking over to his suitcase, rummaging through it until he pulled out a small bottle.

He turned and wiggled it, a wide grin on his face. "Your back's been hurting, right? I wanted to massage it for you. Then we can sleep."

You blink a little dumbly at him as he walked back over to you. On one hand, you did want to cuddle up and sleep. On the other hand, a massage sounds heavenly on your sore shoulders and back...

You sigh and giggle, propping your arms beneath the pillow cushioning your head as you close your eyes. "Go ahead, hon."

You didn't need to have your eyes open to know he pumped his fist in victory, a happy twinkle in his eyes.

Not long after, you feel his weight straddle the backs of your thighs and then he dribbles the oil onto your skin it was warm, and the first scent that hits you is the vanilla, immediately chased by lavender.

When his hands smoothed the oil around, you sigh once more in bliss, before making a soft noise when you feet his thumbs begin to press soft circles into the tense muscles of your shoulders.

"Oh, my poor girl." He said, his voice sad as he introduced pressure from his other fingers. "My beautiful girl is all tense and hurting? Makes my heart hurt!"

You make a soft whimper when his nimble fingers, calloused from years of web-slinging and crime-fighting begin to massage the body oil into your skin as he works on each knot as slowly as possible, ensuring he eases it out completely before moving onto the next.

By the time he's moved onto your back, you're a squirming and whimpering mess. It was such a weird feeling; a mix of pleasure, pain, and almost a sensation of being tickled. It was a cocktail you found yourself getting drunk and sleepy off of. You weren't sure where one knot started and the other ended, because he was undoing them with such efficiency.

"Hey... you okay?" Pavitr asked you quietly, kissing your shoulder.

"Mhmm." You hummed against the pillow.

"You sound like you're falling asleep." He grinned.

"'m not." You deny, your tone completely betraying your lie. You really were on the verge of sleep, your mind foggy and dancing on the precipice of dreams.

"You're so cute. Go on ahead and sleep, babygirl." Pavitr hums, placing more kisses on your neck.

And before you knew it, you were out like a light.

🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷

When you woke up, you were first made aware that Pavitr was pressed up against you, passed out and dressed in nothing but his boxers, with one of his knees brought firmly between your thighs.

You usually woke up this way, with Pavitr doing his best impression of a koala bear, snoring softly in his sleep. Normally, it was adorable.

But right now it was far from innocent and adorable.

You could feel the unmistakable outline of his cock throbbing against the swell of your ass. Whatever he was dreaming, it was certainly nice, judging by how he was rutting against you lazily, whimpering as his hot breath fanned against your neck in short, needy pants.

You felt a twinge of guilt; with your workload lately you and your darling husband hadn't had time to be intimate, really, so he must feel pretty pent up.

Almost as pent up as you are beginning to realize you are, actually. The sounds he was making, the way his bulge rubbed against you, and the way he'd mutter your name? It was like a fire was lit down low in your belly, the hot sticky mess between your legs pressing hard against his leg when he brought it higher.

If you didn't know any better, you knew he was awake and merely playing with you. But you knew Pavitr in every way possible. He was definitely asleep. He slept like a brick. It's why his alarms were loud enough to burst your eardrums, you teased him.

You bite your lip and roll your hips back against him, feeling his chest rise and fall with a stuttering breath as he whimpered into your hair.

Oh, poor Pavitr...

This was nice, but it wasn't enough for you.

It made you feel another snag of guilt as you pulled away to roll over and face him, but the moment your warmth left his, Pavitr rolled over onto his back, one hand rested on his belly as he breathed deeply, his face flushed with whatever erotic dream his subconscious kicked up for him to enjoy.

You smiled down at him as your eyes hungrily drank in his cute, messy hair, his needy expression and toned, fit body. He was a gorgeous man. Adorable yes, but also gorgeous. Every time he wore a tight shirt, you'd always catch women just staring oh so shamelessly at him.

You'd always feel a bit smug; special. Because you knew you were the only woman Pavitr would let touch him, the matching gold rings on your fingers solidified that knowledge, gave it physical shape.

You drag your fingers up one of his thighs in a feather-light caress slowly but surely making your way to the bulge straining so tight against his boxers.

You let out a satisfied hum, as you palm the thickness of it softly, stroking him through the cotton as you watched the swell of it twitch and strain against the stitching.

Biting your lip, you leaned over him, hooking your thumbs around the waistband of his boxers and slowly peeled them down, freeing the aching length of his dick to allow it to flop to the side a bit, the cool air making it twitch as it was finally given room to rise to full mast.

Your eyes flicked up to Pavitr's sleeping face as his expression relaxed, no doubt in relief that his poor cock wasn't being squished by his underwear any longer. He was still making those sounds, but still dreaming, you could tell, by the way his long black eyelashes fluttered against his cheeks.

You wrap your hand around his girth and give a few experimental pumps as you circle your clit with your fingers, idly toying with your own wetness as you try to decide the next course of action.

And that's when it hits you.

Grinning, you pull away, watching as the twitch of his cock laments the loss of your touch while you shimmy out of your ruined panties and carefully straddle his waist.

You stayed, your dripping heat hovering over his cock as you looked down at him, your hands braced on either side of his head as his face twisted while something in his dream shifted.

And oh, when you felt the velvety heat of his cock grind against your clit, it was wonderful. The prominent vein that ran the length of the underside of his cock added the perfect friction for you to rub against; your dripping slick adding perfect lubricant to allow you to glide on him effortlessly.

Your eyes roll back as your breathing gets heavy, feeling a tingle at the base of your spine slowly spread up, your toes curling slightly at just how hot this all is. You haven't done this in particular in a while, playing around with him while he slept. The first time you did it you thought he'd be upset, but he quickly assured you that it was the most amazing way to be woken up in the morning. A million times better than his favorite snack and coffee, first thing.

You make a soft noise as his hips rut upwards against you, adding extra stimulation whilst your breath gets caught in your throat.

Your eyes snap open when hands slide up your thighs to grip at your ass, pulling you down harder to grind on Pavitr's cock.

"Oh... 'm-morning to you, too." Pavitr panted up at you, a love-drunk smile on his face as his eyes blink drowsily up at you.

"Morning baby." You breathe, leaning down to kiss him.

"Don't stop." He groaned as your lips broke apart.

"I wasn't planning on it." You chuckle breathlessly and lean down to kiss his bobbing Adams apple.

"I... I put some condoms in the nightstand last night, if you wanna..."

You groan deeply in your chest. Yeah, yeah you definitely wanted him inside of you, right now.

"Right." You say, clearing your throat as you leaned away from him, stopping that delicious friction as you quickly rifle through the drawer, fishing out the needed foil packet.

You hastily tear it open and pull out the rubber item, and slowly, almost achingly so, roll it down his length until it was snug at the base of his cock.

"God--" He whimpered, hips stuttering up into your touch.

"I know, baby." You sigh, climbing on top of him again as his hands squeeze your thighs briefly, moving up to your hips while your delicate fingers line his cock up with your wanting hole.

"'M not gonna last long." You tell him, your voice trembling as you lower yourself down, sinking his cock all the way in one smooth stroke.

The sound that came from within his chest made your toes curl again. "I--I know." Pavitr groaned. "Me either."

You languidly rolled your hips, dragging his throbbing length through your tight, velvety walls, the ribs and bumps on the condom making your eyes roll back with a whimper.

Pavitr was definitely feeling more awake, now, because he was thrusting up into you with wanton desperation his feet bracing on the mattress as you drove yourself down to meet his hips, gyrating and rolling against him; the tip of his cock ramming against your sweet spot with every thrust, making you practically squeal.

"Right there?" He pants, his hand reaching up to grope at one of your breasts, squeezing the soft flesh gently in his palms, marveling at how the fat squishes beneath his fingers.

"Yes!" You whine, bracing your hands on his chest for support as you rode yourself closer to your orgasm.

God, you needed this. You both did. The two of you had been so stressed out and run taut that you felt you both were going to snap. Half the time, when you two finally met at home, you were too tired to do more than eat, shower, and sleep.

Yes, cuddles were nice, but sometimes a husband and his wife just absolutely needed to rail each other until their eyes crossed, y'know?

Yeah... you made a mental note to squeeze sex into your future schedules, after this. You were so drunk off this ecstasy that neither of you were sure you could go longer than a day or two without it ever again. The distance your schedules imposed on the two of you just made the euphoria that much stronger.

And god, when you came, it felt like all the stress of the past few weeks completely ebbed away with each contraction of your muscles around his hard length; your wet, needy walls milking him for everything his body promised he could give you.

"Gh--tight..." He groaned, tilting his head back and gritting his teeth, the hand that was groping at your chest joined the other at your hips, helping you rise and fall on him, helping you ride out your orgasm as he so desperately tried to pitch himself over that edge he was teetering on.

You were so thankful he thought ahead of time for condoms, whimpering as his hips slammed up into you, threatening to make you cum a second time in less than a minute.

Neither of you were ready for a baby just yet, and you hadn't found a birth control that didn't make you sick. It was Pavitr's idea you get off your birth control in the first place, because he hated how sick you'd get, how uncomfortable you were.

So... You both opted for condoms and emergency contraceptives in case something happened while you had sex.

And fuck. Were you worried you'd need to take some, right now, with how you felt the condom swell and strain as he pumped his thick load into the thin rubber.

You were worried it was going to burst, especially with how he was rabbiting his hips up into yours as he chased the waning flames of his coital haze as your tight hole milked him dry.

It didn't, and you were glad of the fact as you dropped down, laying across his chest as the two of you heaved for some fresh air, your lungs burning desperately with each drag.

"Good morning. Again." You mumble with a giggle against his sweaty skin.

"Oh, yeah. It definitely is, now." He grinned, his hand running up and down your back in a loving caress.

"I hope you know we're not leaving this room for the rest of the day, now, right?" Pavitr asked you.

Oh, your fluffy, doofy husband had some of the best ideas...

[bomberqueen17]

the home stretch

Went over to the house yesterday morning and Jim was there sawing a hole in the exterior wall.

Not alarming at all once I remembered part of this remodel that i'm really excited about is that we're getting an actual exhaust hood for over the stove. Not one of those ones that goes through a microwave either, a real exhaust hood that goes to the outdoors. (The real ones are mounted 30" above the stove top. Microwave ones have to be lower so you can reach the microwave. i can't stand cooking in such a constrained space like that. No thank you. Keep my microwave separate!)

He had sawed out a big chunk of drywall on the interior too, and replaced it with plywood, which is much sturdier to screw mounting hardware into. At my request, he'd extended the plywood down a couple more inches (it'll be covered by the tile backsplash so it won't even show!) so I can screw a couple of heavy-duty mounting hooks in there and have a place I can hang both my cast-iron skillets when they're not in use. I don't like leaving them on the stove (my mother's approach) or stacking them on a shelf (dude's approach) because one is untidy and the other requires me to lift every piece of cast iron i own at once to access any of them. (I also have a square griddle and a Dutch oven and also a tiny skillet which Dude uses all the time when I'm not around and neither of us uses at all when I am around, because it is very much a Cooking For One mini skillet LOL.)

He paused to show me the deer hunting hut he'd meticulously constructed for himself while he was on Christmas break and then artistically had painted camoflage. ("My friends were like omg how long did that take you? I dunno, I wasn't counting, I had a blast. Had a beer in one hand, spray paint can in the other, I just let it take as long as it took. It's like arts and crafts! Who's keeping track of the time?") It did look great. As he was swiping his finger accidentally slid onto the later bits of the camera roll and it showed me the deer he'd gotten on the last day of hunting season. "Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you look at that," he said, and then looked at me and laughed, remembering I had told him I work in a slaughterhouse. "Right, you don't mind that kind of thing, but still." It was a nice big doe, cleanly felled, nothing to object to there.

I went and called the appliance company, who'd said they'd deliver my dishwasher and vent hood on new year's eve probably. They seemed confused that I'd called, and then were confused when they discovered that indeed both my items were in stock and should have been delivered. I said I figured the holiday had confused things (genuinely, probably the vent hood had come in on NYE like the salesman had thought it might, but I bet somebody had the day off and they weren't on the ball about calling people) so I just wanted to call and find out if anything needed sorting. They told me they'll call me today to tell me the two-hour delivery window. So I'm getting my dishwasher today! Pumped. It's gonna go into the living room to start with but like, y'know, that's fine.

The counters are going in on Thursday. Hopefully, Jim said, the counter people could do it in the morning, because then he could start on the tile that afternoon.

Ah they've just called, my delivery window for the appliances is 11-1. OK cool.

The plumber can't come until Monday. But then once he's been there I'll have my stove and sink and dishwasher. And, Jim says, that means the final, last little button-up details will be done on Tuesday.

"And then," he said, amused, "I can go back to the regular schedule, because the people who refused to have their houses torn up over the holidays will be clamoring to get the work done now. It's good you didn't mind." Which is precisely why we thought we'd gotten bumped up by two months, but it's funny to hear him so directly confirm it.

"I'm the luckiest person in the world," I said, "with my mother-in-law's house vacant walking distance away for this whole time, so it's been genuinely no trouble at all." And I am. She's coming back on Tuesday, so I figure we'll move back into our house over the weekend, and I'll deep-clean her house and (sighhh) put all the beautiful sewing equipment back where I found it. I won't really miss her fancy modern sewing machine (which she just got and is third-hand and I don't think she knows how to use either) but her old workhorse straight-stitch machine is a beautiful, unfussy beast I've really enjoyed spending time with.

OK i gotta get off my ass and go get the grocery shopping done so I can go sit in my house for the delivery window. I saved plenty of things to do, don't worry. I'm starting to put stuff into the cupboards, made Dude come sit with me over the weekend and give his opinion-- he's been busy at work and has had no attention span but I refuse to take his "idk just put stuff wherever" at face value, he spends more time in this house than me and i will NOT have him after the fact annoyed with how I chose to organize things. So he did give opinions, finally. And I need a few more lazy susans and storage baskets and half-shelf-rack kinda thingies here and there but I'm getting there.

[yikesharringrove]

For the longest time, Billy doesn't get why Steve keeps in contact with his parents when Billy was able to live his life without ever talking to his dad after moving out. He's tried exactly two times to see if they could repair their relationship and it's only reinforced that he wants nothing to do with his father. But Steve? He goes to his parent's parties and lets them show him off like some kind of rare dog breed. They call and he comes to stiff, hostiles family dinners and then home again to Billy, exhausted and sad.

Until one day Billy tries to convince him that he doesn't need to do this, that if they make him miserable and he doesn't have to bend over backwards for a scrap of affection and Steve looks at him with heartbreaking, genuine confusion and says "But I owe it to them. It's the least I can do to lay them back. For, y'know. Raising me. And the other stuff."

Steve had tears in his eyes when he closed the apartment door, and Billy knew it was a fucking bad one.

Dinner with the Harringtons was never a fun thing for Steve, but sometimes it was awkward and dull. And sometimes, sometimes it was downright hurtful.

He sat down on the couch next to Billy, curling so his head was on Billy’s lap.

“Baby, please. Next time they call, don’t go. You don't have to go."

Steve sighed, and Billy ran a hand through his hair, stiff with hairspray and neatly styled. So unlike the messy way he's been wearing it for the year they've lived together.

It was nice seeing Steve letting go. Not keeping up with the routines and expectations that were hoisted on him when he was young in a small town, with too-rich parents and too-little self-esteem.

"Bill, you know I do."

"Stevie, take it from me. I think that you'll feel a whole lot better once you're not at their beck and call. They don't care about you. It hurts, but you know it's true."

Steve squeezed his eyes closed, a sure sign he was still holding back tears.

"I can't cut them off, Bill. I can't. Neil, he was, he was so bad, but my parents, they're fine. They're fine, and I still owe them for years of putting up with me."

"You don't owe them shit! Parents are supposed to love their kids. And support them. And make them feel safe. And if you feel like you owe it to them for putting up with you, then they didn't do their one fucking job!"

Steve gently pushed Billy's hand out of his hair, sitting up on the couch to face him.

"It's just not so black and white. My parents didn't treat me like yours did. They paid for anything I wanted, and they let me do what I wanted without a lot of question. They bought my car, and they would've paid for my school, if I had gone."

"Throwing money at you isn't parenting. Loving you, is parenting."

"They love me." Steve's voice shook, and by the miserable look in his eyes, Billy knew even Steve didn't believe the words coming out of his mouth.

"Y'know, you're my family. Right, Stevie? Neil, and my mom. They proved they didn't want me, and they didn't give a rat's ass. You're right, it was easier for me. With my mom, I didn't even have a fucking choice whether I wanted her in my life, or not. But, the way they treat you like some kind of show dog. Like you're an expensive painting they bought in France to impress their friends. They hurt you. And they keep hurting you. And you deserve to be happy."

Billy reached out and laced his fingers with Steve's.

"Don't sell yourself short. I was with you when you cut your dad out. It wasn't easy. And your mom was even worse."

"Don't change the subject." Steve rolled his eyes, which meant he was feeling okay enough to be bitchy. A good sign. "I've said it a hundred times: just because they didn't hit you, doesn't mean they were good.

"Parents insist on bringing their kids into the world, and expect them to kiss the goddamn ground they walk on, just for not leaving them in the woods. They fuck us up, and want us to thank them for giving us a life we never asked for."

"I don't know," Steve said, laying his head back down onto Billy's lap. "The only thing Neil ever did right was have you."

The phone rang on the side table, the brand-new called I.D. displaying Harrington. Steve sighed.

"They're pissed off because I didn't say goodbye to the secretary they conveniently invited to dinner and conveniently sat next to me."

They had a habit of that, inviting some young woman to their dinner parties, as if to entice Steve out of the happy, stable, consistent, (homosexual), relationship he's been in for the past eight years.

Steve stared at the phone, chewing on his bottom lip.

"They'll be even more mad if I don't answer."

"I can't make the choice for you. You know my thoughts. I love you either way."

Steve glanced back to Billy, and picked up the phone.

"Hi-" he was cut off almost immediately. "I know I didn't say goodbye, I had a long drive."

They knew he had a long drive. They knew it was nearly two hours from their place in Hawkins back to Steve and Billy's Chicago apartment. They had nearly times it perfectly to call when Steve would be home.

"Yes, she was very nice." Steve rolled his eyes. "And very pretty. True." Another eye roll. "No, would not like her phone number, Dad."

There was a long pause, and Steve rubbed his eyes, propping the phone between his ear and his shoulder.

"It's been eight years, Dad, and Billy and I are not breaking up. Please stop calling it a phase."

Steven's homosexual phase, they called it.

The few times BIlly's been invited to a dinner party, the Harringtons will be stiffly polite to his face, but Billy wouldn't like to hear what they say about him behind closed doors. Or, maybe he would. Maybe he'd finally give Mr. Harrington the left hook to the jaw he deserves.

Steve looked at Billy, and he reached out to hold Billy's hand. Billy's heart thumped in his chest.

"No, I won't be able to make it next week." He took a shuddering breath. "In fact, I won't be coming around anymore. At least, at least not until you can Mom can show me that you guys actually value me more than-"

Billy could hear the monotone sound of the line going dead.

"He hung up on me," Steve said, his lower lip trembling.

"I'm sorry, Baby." Billy tugged Steve into his arms, reaching around him awkwardly to slam the phone back onto the receiver. "But you are so brave. So brave." He rocked back and forth gently. "You've had a long night. Let's go to bed."

Steve nodded, and they got up to get ready for bed, Steve's hands shaking ever so lightly as he brushed his teeth.

He didn't say anything until the lights were off, and he and Billy were wrapped around one another in bed.

"Thank you, Bill. I couldn't've done that, stood up to him, without you. I love you."

"I love you too. And I love you without expectation."

[toujokaname]

Game master / Episode 15

Author: Akira

Characters: Aira, Kohaku, HiMERU, Hiiro

"—Is this... the smell of blood?"

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[ Read on my site for a better viewing experience using Ois~su ♪ ]

Season: Winter

Location: Secluded Village

Several hours later. At the final checkpoint of the courage test, the mansion where the "hidden treasure" is said to be.

Aira: Ahh~... Finally made it... I'm exhausted.

Kohaku: Koh koh koh ♪ We've been goin' back and forth all over the place. Feelin' kinda worn out for nothin', huh?

HiMERU: There was something unnatural about the route... It felt like being made to walk in circles for no good reason.

It seems that we were essentially following the route taken by the staff of the paranormal program when they were subjected to the apparition.

Hiiro: Umu, that's what the notes say.

The staff of the paranormal program explored every nook and cranny of the village, and eventually reached the mansion we're facing now.

The notes describe it as an odd mansion in the secluded countryside, feeling like a mayoiga.

Aira: Mayoiga...? You're talking about Mayo-san?

Hiiro: It's a term from folklore studies. They say if you bring something back from a mansion that unnaturally exists in the mountains, you'll become wealthy—Well, it's just a fairy tale, though.

Aira: Like Urashima Taro? [1]

HiMERU: Wasn't that a story in which he became unhappy because he brought back the jeweled box?

Hiiro: I wonder. It might be up to interpretation.

It could be argued that by finally catching up with his family members who had left him behind—and dying of old age just like them, Urashima Taro was able to find happiness.

Aira: But then what's the point if they all died... I'll survive! I'll definitely escape from this backward village and go back home!

Hiiro: You don't need to be that frantic. When it's time, you can just take the bus home normally, you know?

Kohaku: —Odd.

Aira: W-What's wrong? Do you have something on your mind, Kohakucchi?

HiMERU: Speaking of which. It's hard to understand why Tatsumi and the others, who are supposed to be scarers, haven't shown themselves since Ayase told that ghost story.

Aira: Ah, now that you mention it, that's true. It's probably better if nothing scary happens, and if we're not intentionally being frightened, I was actually relieved...

But, isn't that neglecting their role as scarers? We're busting our butts over here!

Kohaku: I was just wanderin' aimlessly, y'know. Sure, that was bothering me too, but—

Hiiro-han, you've got a good nose, right? Can't you smell this scent?

Hiiro: *Sniff sniff...* Oh, now that you mention it, there is a strange smell.

—Is this... the smell of blood?

Aira: Alright, that's it! Player Aira's throwing in the towel!

It's scaryyy, I hate ittt! I can't take it anymore!

HiMERU: Oh, lost the will to fight, have you? If that's the case, wouldn't this face-off once again end in a victory for Crazy:B?

Aira: Fine by me! I don't care about who are the better idols between ALKALOID and Crazy:B!

We idol otaku aren't interested in that! It's not about comparing to other idols!

As long as my oshi's shining, that's all that matters! Just loving them fills me with happiness!

Aira: Winning or losing, who's better or who's worse, I don't caaaare! Waaaahhh!

Kohaku: Crap, Rabu-han's actually reached his limit.

Hiiro: There, there... I understand how you feel, but let's hang in there a little longer. You've been brave and endured this far despite being scared.

If we can just get our hands on the "hidden treasure" in this mansion, the test of courage will be done with.

If we hold on a bit more, all the scary stuff will be over, Aira.

Aira: That's why I'm saying I can't endure even a little more! Hiro-kun, you idiot! Clueless! Barbarian!

HiMERU: Hm. You're bordering on panic because of fear. This doesn't seem like something that should be shown on the screen; it's rather unsightly.

At the risk of being a mood killer, shall we contact the staff and request a brief break?

So that we can have a cup of tea and calm down before continuing to explore the mansion—

Kohaku: Yeah... I'm feelin' kinda weirdly tired too, I could use a break.

It'd probably feel better to rest after all the work's done, but with the way Rabu-han's goin', I doubt he'll hold out 'til the end.

Hiiro: Umu... Aira is very sensitive, so his fear must've been excessive compared to my dullness.

If anything, I apologize for not recognizing it until you reached this limit.

Aira: Aghh~! I'm sorryyy, I'm always like this!

Hiiro: It's okay. When I panicked because I couldn't understand Nii-san, you were the one who held me close and encouraged me.

Thanks to that, I managed to pull myself together. I'm grateful, so now it's my turn, Aira.

Aira: Uuu~! It's not fair you're only affectionate at times like this! What are you planning, making my heart flutter like that?!

Hiiro: What am I supposed to do...?

Kohaku: Hehe. Well then, let's call the staff and—

Kohaku: Wait, wha? The camera crew's been trailin' us from afar, but—

Huuuh? They ain't here?

Since when? That's weird, they were definitely tailin' us right up to the last checkpoint...?

Ack, reckon I was too worn out to notice. This whole thing's just—off somehow.

Hiiro: Heeey! Trouble's brewing! Is anyone around?

HiMERU: ...There's no response. As expected, there's not even a sign of presence from inside the mansion.

Aira: This is so weird! C-Could this really mean something paranormal's going on...?

Hiiro: C-Calm down, Aira. That was probably just a story made up by the scarers... We just felt it was realistic because of Mayoi-senpai's skillful storytelling.

Rather... I'm sure it's all part of the show's production, including the fact that we're scared like this.

Right? Because you like idols and know a lot about them, you know that this sort of thing is common in the industry, don't you?

Aira: B-But... would they really go this far for a prank...?!

[ ☆ ]

In Urashima Tarō's story, he rescues a turtle who turns out to be a princess and spends what feels like days with her under the sea, only to return to find that centuries have passed. Opening the box she forbid him from opening, he rapidly ages. Interestingly, this isn't the first time it's been brought up in an ALKALOID context, as Tatsumi compares himself to it in his first idol story.

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[ace-and-the-rpg-horrors]

Dolls from the Opposing Side

Dragging her feet to the monitor room, Kugie Kizuchi sighed. The participants had gone through an exhausting first trial, and now had access to the third floor. Those who had died a few hours prior... she didn't want their ghastly last moments plaguing her mind ever again.

"And now ladies and gentlemen, what horrific trap or game lies in wait beyond this door!" Her own stupid attempt at a joke was just that- an attempt. It didn't improve her mood at all.

The sight on the other side of the door on the other hand...

Two people.

Familiar people.

Greenish hair.

Teal eyes.

Freckles.

Short for their ages.

Kugie Kizuichi's annoying, yet caring, older brother and sweet and adorable little sister.

"SHIN! KANNA!" Wasting not a single second, Kugie threw her arms around them both, ready to ask why they were in the death game, did they miss her, and what on earth they were wearing. If the situation was any different, she would have been in hysterics, laughing at Shin's crown of strawberries and whipped cream, simultaneously cooing at how cute Kanna looked in braids (despite the upside-down ice cream on her head.)

That's when it happened. The action which made Kugie realise that something was horribly wrong. The action that extinguished the spark of hope she had gained. The action that gave her the gut feeling that these people were not who she thought they were.

Shin had pushed her away the moment she initiated the hug. And now he was glaring at her.

Despite Shin and Kugie having the typical sibling rivalry, getting along the least out of the three of them, Shin had never dared to look at her that coldly (not even when Kugie had accidentally deleted one of his school files for an ICT lesson, or when she'd made Kanna run away from home.) If looks could kill, Kugie would be cremated, reincarnated and killed again by now, let alone simply dead.

"Just who do you think you are? What makes you think that my little sister is alright with strangers hugging her whenever they please?" he snarled.

Come to think of it, Kanna hadn't returned the hug either, and she usually loved Kugie's hugs...

In the shock of the moment, Kugie could only respond in the sarcastic manner she usually did to Shin, pretending she couldn't feel the dread crawling up her throat at her "brother's" sudden hostility and pretending that this wasn't yet another of the game's cruel tricks.

"Haha... hell Shin, I know that I'm the one who's not blood related to you two, but you're still my siblings, y'know? Or did you disown me in the short time I was gone? I'll have you know, I stole your crackers exactly one time, you can't hold that over me forever!" She tried. She tried so hard to sound like it was just another normal day at the Kizuchi household, your classic Kugie and Shin argument.

Rather than another vicious comment, Shin fell silent, completely perplexed... because as far as he was aware, wasn't he programmed to have one sister? Honestly, Kugie reckoned that she might've preferred the mean comeback to this concerning silence. Kanna, on the other hand, spoke for the first time since the encounter.

The painfully familiar pair of innocent, doe-like eyes gazed at the older girl, before the 14 year old pulled at her brother's sleeve, her voice no more than a paranoid whisper. "E- erm... big bro? Why... is this girl saying she's our sister? She looks nothing like either of us... is she dangerous?"

Snapped out of his confused state, Shin nodded, standing between the "sisters", not taking his sceptical stare off of Kugie for a second. Following her big brother's example, Kanna decided that she too should be suspicious of this girl, gladly hiding behind him.

"... That's right, Kanna. This girl is trying to trick you, she's just saying she's our sister to manipulate us! But we won't fall for it, will we? Don't worry, I'll protect you, I won't let these lying death game participants hurt a single strand of hair on your head."

There was no way Kugie could stop the tears brimming in her eyes. The three of them should be on the same side, and she should be protecting Kanna, along with Shin- not against him. The other emotion brimming over, other than heartbreak, was jealousy, not unlike the jealousy which she had experienced when their parents had first adopted Shin and Kanna.

Their adoption had taken place when Kugie was ten. Shin was an awkward, timid teen, and his eight year old sister Kanna was somehow even shyer than him. Nevertheless, Kugie was ecstatic to finally have the siblings she had dreamed of for so long. But whatever she did, the green-haired pair didn't leave each other's side. Of course they were nice to her, but Kugie didn't share the sibling bond they had already formed before meeting her. It was a bit ironic really - they were the ones who were adopted, yet Kugie was the one feeling left out.

Kugie finally had someone to play sports with? Turns out Shin has a chronic illness, making him prone to fainting. Kugie made space for Kanna to sit next to her? Kanna still preferred to sit next to Shin. Kugie wanted to draw and do homework with Shin? Shin was already busy picking flowers with Kanna. Kugie planned to bake a cake with them both? Oh, suddenly they're called for a meeting with their social worker.

Her parents told her to be patient.

"They're still learning to cope without their biological parents"

"Kanna is more clingy towards Shin because she's afraid of losing him like their parents."

"Shin has always been protective of Kanna, he's not used to having another sibling to share her with."

"Of course they both love you sweetie! They're just naturally shy and haven't learnt to match your upbeat, lively energy yet."

Despite this, her resentful feelings grew, and she just couldn't hold it back anymore. Unfortunately, she happened to take it out on the worst possible person.

The little green-haired girl had approached her sister one Saturday morning, clutching a pencil case and notebook, and beaming, excited to draw flowers and various other cute things with the older girl. However, fate had chosen to be cruel- Kugie was already in a bad mood, seeing as Shin had gone off to visit his weird friend Hiyori, completely forgetting that he said he'd help Kugie with her maths homework.

"Big sis! Big sis? Can you draw the roses for Kanna to colour in? Kanna tried to do it herself, but roses are too hard! Kanna can only do the easy flowers by herself!"

Whatever suppressed emotions bubbled within Kugie made her scoff and scribble harshly on her maths worksheet as if it had wronged her family for the past 3 generations.

"Oh ummm..." Kanna, although a little naive, could sense the heavy atmosphere. "If big sis is busy, that is okay! Kanna would ask Shin, but he's with his scary friend again..."

Shin.

Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin

Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin Shin

Shin and Kanna. Kanna and Shin. Kugie who?

Was Shin Kizuchi all that the stupid girl knew how to say?

Why was she making such an effort to get along with them anyway? A creepy little girl who only spoke in third person despite being 7 years old for crying out loud, and her deadweight brother who hung out with even creepier people, like that damn Sou Hiyori.

They were horrible thoughts. Wretched, evil, mean thoughts. Directed at the two most gentle, timid souls that Kugie had ever met. But she couldn't drown those thoughts. It would've been just fine if that was where they ended. At thoughts. But she couldn't stop them spilling out either.

Scary how quickly thoughts turn into speech...

"So now you want me as a sister? You've got a perfectly good brother, so why on earth do you need me? You didn't need me before, and you don't need me now!" Kugie's own words frightened her. She knew she wasn't a cruel person, so how was she saying all these spiteful things?

"Ah! No! B-big sis, Kanna has always loved you!"

Stop. Kugie, stop. Anyone would know they'd gone too far at this point. Look at her- she's about to cry any second. Stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it

The unpleasant, horrid words kept falling effortlessly from her mouth.

"Oh yeah, so why is it that you only want anything to do with me now?" Kugie laughed bitterly, failing to shut herself up before shattering the precious child's self confidence. "I know. You may be stupid, but you're not blind. You've noticed it too, right? How your dear brother is spending more and more time with that Hiyori guy, and not you, ever since he started highschool. He's getting bored of you, isn't that right? And now you're turning to me, cause I'm your second choice. I'm just second best. That's ALL I'll ever be to you, and to Shin, no matter how hard I try!!"

Kanna was visibly distressed now, her eyes practically pleading for Kugie to listen to her, "O- oh big sis, you've got it- it all wrong... big bro would never leave me... not- not second best... I love you."

Even so, Kugie continued, ignoring the crying that had started.

"Well you know what Kanna? That's just fine. I don't even care anymore! I don't need a useless brother who just hides in his room all day! I don't need a useless sister who just whines and seeks attention! I'm just FINE."

Kanna didn't return home after her morning flower picking that day.

Shin returned home about 15 minutes after Kugie's outburst, and by then Kanna was no longer in the garden. Being the observant type, the boy could sense something was off as soon as he entered the house. Though he expected it to be quiet as their parents were visiting someone, he was surprised when there was no Kanna jumping into his arms (and nearly knocking him over) and no Kugie trying to make conversation.

Kugie's head perked up as soon as she saw Shin standing in the doorway of the room she and Kanna shared.

Before he could even open his mouth, she spoke immediately.

"I know this will make you mad... but in a fit of jealousy, I may or may not have yelled at our- your little sister and implied that you didn't love her anymore." After all she had said to the poor girl, Kugie felt that she was the last person on the planet who deserved to call herself Kanna's sister.

Before his face morphed into a completely appalled one, she quickly added, "And she may or may not have run away."

Sure, Shin Kizuchi was fifteen years old, perfectly capable of giving someone a good telling off. But was it terrifying to see a normally meek boy looking ready to commit several crimes? Indeed it was, and Kugie wished that an earthquake would hit their home right that second so that the floor could quite literally swallow her.

Although Kugie braced herself for the yelling, it didn't come. Instead, a usually weak hand with currently a surprisingly firm grip grabbed hers and pulled her out of the house. The two eldest Kizuchi children walked around the areas near their house, a cold silence present between them. Scanning for any sign of their little sister.

"The park!" Shin suddenly gasped, recalling that Kanna loved parks, streches of grass that went as far as the eye could see, sprinkled with daisies, occasionally containing a lake with the ducks she enjoyed feeding.

And there she was. A bucket obscuring her face, her green hair peeking out from under it. Making a feeble attempt to rock the swing she sat on to distract herself from her big sister's cruel words.

Kugie reconciled with Kanna immediately. The younger sister, with her heart of gold, forgave the older one immediately. Their older brother on the other hand? Well... he stayed silent after comforting Kanna, telling her that Kugie didn't mean any of what she said, and that he'd never abandon her. That didn't stop Kugie from feeling how furious Shin still was at her. She didn't blame him. After all, she had made a vulnerable eight year old run away from home, a sister that Shin would give up his life for. And Kugie's careless words could have put that innocent child in danger.

On the walk home, Kanna held both Shin and Kugie's hands. Before, she would have only held the former's.

The day had gone by quickly, and before they knew it, it was night and Kanna had fallen asleep, blissfully unaware of the tension between her older siblings. Kugie was surprised that her brother hadn't told their parents what had happened when they came home- he may have been quiet, but Shin gave Kugie snitch vibes, especially in a situation when someone had done wrong to Kanna.

Another surprise came when Shin ran into Kugie in the upstairs corridor. Despite the earlier events, his face showed no malice directed to her. In fact, he himself looked a little guilty.

"Hey, Kugie... I've realised that what you did today was probably because of me. I'm sorry."

What? Somehow managing to overcome the shock, Kugie managed to reply, "You're sorry? It was my fault! Just because I got angry-"

"But it was my fault that you got angry," Shin cut her off. "Am I wrong in saying that you were jealous that me and Kanna are closer siblings than with you? Please Kugie, let me take the blame. As the oldest, I should have made an effort to include you more. It's no excuse, but I'm not the greatest at socialising, so I had no idea how. But now that I know that you've been suffering, I hope it's not too late to salvage things- so... would you be able to give me and Kanna another chance?"

He held out his pinkie finger. "Siblings?"

Kugie couldn't help but mirror Shin's small smile, sealing the promise. "Siblings."

The high school girl sobbed even harder at the memory. She could sense the other participant's concern, but she couldn't hear their words. Because the only thing running through her mind were all the things she would do to have her siblings back...

She'd take back every time she'd criticised Shin for being friends with Sou Hiyori, even if she didn't approve of him.

She'd make more time for Kanna, never refusing to play with her.

She'd take back every time she teased Shin by calling him pathetic or weak.

She'd spend every single penny of her pocket money on ice cream for Kanna.

She'd never start petty fights with Shin, even if they did laugh about it afterwards.

She'd take back every thought of Kanna being annoying or clingy.

Everything, anything. She'd do it all, if only she could see them again. Their real versions. Not these dolls from the opposing side.

Her annoying, yet caring older brother. And her sweet and adorable little sister.

[neetily]

꣑୧ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ── MATCHUP EVENT: Date #2

♡ cupid's victim number two !! ♡

hello hello my love!! thank you for taking part in this silly little event, i really appreciate your enthusiasm and kindness throughout! i hope you enjoy the characters i've picked for you, i thought long and hard about them!

─ you have one new message from...

Abigail . . .

hey, sorry. i know it's really late right now and that i shouldn't be texting you at this hour, but... well, i just really miss you tbh lol. hope we can hang out again soon! miss you! kissing you!

Why? i'm gonna be honest, i almost picked sebastian instead! not because im biased, but i think he would actually be my second choice for you after some thought! as for why i ultimately settled on abigail, well... most of all, i feel like abigail is most suited for you due to your shy personality type! it's always nice to have someone who understands you, and i think abigail would understand you completely, especially given the fact that she's friends with sebastian too and understands the shy/anxious personality type well. but, she's got that little bit of edge to her that sebastian lacks in social settings, that hint of extroversion that i feel like you would really benefit from! if she ever sees you struggling in public, be that from stuttering or otherwise appearing socially exhausted, abigail is right there to carry the burden of conversation for you! i just think she'd be so easy going, willing and wanting to chill at home if you wanted to, but also readily and easily able to help you feel safe and relaxed when your shyness might rear its head; so accommodating and adaptable of everything, y'know? she'd be such a gem (haha, get it?) at making sure you're happy first and foremost, which i think is something you'd really appreciate! abi would be sooooo protective over you i just know it!

i think she'd appreciate your ability to reign her in at times, too. she can have a very black and white outlook on life in my opinion, and i think you would help her see the grey areas more often in life. you warm her up when she's acting a bit too cold!

also: gamer girl. need i say more? im imagining you both cuddled up together on the floor where she usually games... big blanket wrapped around both bodies, nestled neatly between her legs with her arms wrapped around you, controller resting against your thighs. yeahhh, gamer girl abi is for you <3 !!

Hey, look . . .

though she feels a pointed ache in her heart at leaving you stranded in the middle of the zoo plaza, seated nicely at one of the park benches and waiting for her to get back from the bathroom, she knows deep down in her heart that you'll forgive her for her brief detour the second you see why she had to take it.

the zoo is nice, if a bit large. she worries she'll lose you in such wide open spaces, especially considering that there are lots of pretty and peculiar animals to look at— she knows what you're like, a smile creeping on her lips at the though. this wasn't her first choice for date night, but that's easily pushed aside when she gets to witness just how wide your pretty smile gets upon seeing the new animals behind glass or iron— you make it all worth it, honestly. and so she can't help but to steal a sneak peek of your idle expression behind the tree she's using as cover, the way you kick your legs out absentmindedly, fixing your glasses before enjoying the relaxing hum of the nature that surrounds you.

she's happy you picked the zoo, because you suit the backdrop of green so well, ah... you have heart heart stuttering without so much as a glance!

and would that she could stand in secrecy to watch you all day, but she hadn't even needed the bathroom in the first place to be honest. instead, using it as an excuse to retrace her steps around a corner or two; not too far, she doesn't wanna leave you for too long! but something had caught her eye on the way towards the next exhibit, and thankfully, you had missed it.

on account of her yapping, of course. unintentionally at best, but she just adores how you so easily listen to her rambles, unable to wipe the smile off her face when approaching the gift stand with only the thought of you on her mind, and how you deserve soooo much more, but this is a start, right?

"hey..." she pouts at you, immediately breaking into a cheesy grin the moment you look up at her, "sorry i took so long, it's just—" ah, her hands are shaking, a sudden wave of upset rolling through her tummy to leave her choking on her words. and it doesn't help that you merely peer up at her, idle expression as pretty as ever, but fuck she's so in love with you that it's making her nervous. clutching the soft item behind her back a little tighter, breathing in deeply, and exhaling sharply. c'mon, you've got this abi...!

"here!" she suddenly rushes out, embarrassment tainting her cheeks all warm as she shoves the relatively giant snake plushie in front of your face, her own eyes squeezed tightly shut in an effort to escape your assumed ridicule. it's silly, right? a childish gift, im sorry i couldn't get you anything better!

but when she feels you gently accept the toy, her eyes ping open. wide stare back down at you as she chews on her bottom lip anxiously, she can't help but to spill. "do you like it? i— i saw it when passing and thought— god, it's— it's so perfect for you, y'know, and so i had to just sneak away and—"

"you're right, abi," you smile up at her, warm and soft and right, yeah. this is why she loves you so much, that single expression is enough to have her melting into you, practically falling into the seat next to you with a heavy sigh. "it's perfect! thank you so much for thinking about me!"

and she's about to play it cool, brush it off as just something good girlfriends do, and as such, requires no praise. but the way you peck her cheek so sweetly, prompting her to catch a glimpse of how tightly you grasp the toy snake has her lungs filling with butterflies instead.

you won't blame her for grabbing those puffy little cheeks of yours and squishing them together in a heartbeat, right? peppering kisses all over your face; you're just too cute for her to handle!

— you like to... do something creative when alone! here is a moodboard that i think fits your matchup!

Robin . . .

omg, that new game we were excited about releases in under 12 hours!! we should totally have a sleepover and skip school tomorrow to play it!! meet me in my room later x

Why? nerd alert!!! (affectionate), you two would be PERFECT for each other in my opinion, because you guys share a lot of the same traits! you're both relatively introverted, but not afraid to stand up for each other; though i do think you'll find that you're the one mostly standing up for robin instead of the other way around! not that he'd never stand up for you, he's just more prone to being a fail boy (which is cute, right?). and he'd be the perfect height for you too, because i view him as the second shortest of the LI's! another gamer for you to bond with was my main point, honestly. sharing that interest in the comfort of robin's room, away from the rest of the world where you two both get to understand each other completely <3 i also think that he's a good pick for you because of how kind he is, and how he'd treat you with the kind of care and compassion you deserve! like a loyal dog or smth, y'know? he'd be so soft and sweet with you, making sure to take note of all those little details others so often miss, something i attribute to you also!

there's just something about him that SCREAMS animal lover to me too, and i know deep down in my bones that he'd just simply adore any pet you have, taking great interest in their care so that he can pay attention to them just as much as you do <3!! when you're taking a break to game, he'd be caring for the pets, and vice versa!

robin is just such a sweetie pie, i mostly think that you deserve the kind treatment he'd offer you !

No, never . . .

after a lovely day out at the zoo together, the weather acting kind for once too, there's no better way to end things than with a quick gaming session together, robin thinks. at least, he hopes you feel the same way too? allowing you to babble about animals all morning and afternoon— never mind the veritable zoo you already have in your own space, its a genuine joy to hear you ramble. but also, hear him out, getting to relax with the love of his life in relative peace and quiet except for the beeping and swooshing of the tv screen in front of him is just soooo comforting, right? like a nostalgia trip but in the present, coaxing him into letting out a little yawn from above you while you mash buttons.

he had fun today, as he always does when he's around you. god, he can't help but to smile at even just the thought of you, nevermind to have you in his arms right now after such a fun day out together. but he's also downright exhausted now, allowing you complete control of the game in favour of leaning back with you between his legs, sat neatly on his lap to provide some pressure. it's comfortable, the sun is setting sweetly across your cheeks, he's happy, you're happy, and he can't imagine life getting any better than right now.

every now and then, his eyes close to the flashing lights that surround him, his tired ears occasionally picking up a word or two that tumbles from your still babbling lips. something, something, snake. something something, big. something something, cute. and he's trying to listen in, really! he loves hearing you chat about your interests, content enough to simply let you enjoy yourself amongst his lap while he closes his eyes for just a moment or two; revelling in just how happy and peaceful he feels for once.

but your surprise flat question begs for an answer, his brows furrowing the moment those worried words slip past your lips.

"... sorry, i think i spoke too much..."

immediately, a loving tut escapes him, heavy eyes staring down at you before he rests his chin against the top of your head, wrapping his arms around you tighter to pull you into a snug hug. he should be that one apologising for not listening well enough, it's just that you lull him into such sweet serenity so easily, he hadn't a chance at fighting back.

"no, no, no. never, kitten. please, keep talking. s'nice." he mumbles, trailing off into another yawn, giving the top of your head a quick peck before settling back again, a genuine sleepy smile tugging at his lips when you so easily give him what he wants.

he could listen to you talk all day and never get bored, especially if it's about your interests. a certain warmth filling his chest to leave him a little dizzy with affection; he knows it's not the setting sun heating him up, anyway.

— you like to... do something creative when alone! here is a moodboard that i think fits your matchup!

[hoenn-hakase]

So I have made it through the first half of the month and wanted to give an update from when I mentioned I'd been having some troubles. It's been more mentally exhausting than anything by this point. I've been building up my Ko-fi portfolio mostly with nature photography I've taken (which I've also been sharing on my side blog because I've been unable to focus on drawing anything, but I hope to change that) but I keep hoping I'll get to more creative things eventually. That said, even if I haven't earned much, I appreciate all of the support I got when I first posted since even just getting a note or a bump made me feel not so alone in that moment.

That said, I am not out of the woods yet, but since I'm in a better state of mind, I feel I can finally explain some of the details.

So long story short, my grandmother has been in and out of the hospital four times since the end of June. On visit two, we honest to goodness thought we were going to lose her, but she's proven to be quite the fighter. Unfortunately, visit two proved that even if she was stabilized, she wasn't okay. So, knowing that she won't be coming home, we've been in and out of three different nursing facilities between each hospital visit. We think the third place we've ended up at is probably the level of care that she needs, so we'll probably go back there after this latest hospital visit, but that's partially why I haven't gotten much of anything done is staying with her (like my family has done shifts in making sure she's not alone so I've had several hospital sleepovers as well) has been stressful. And trying to raise money for her care while trying to keep enough for the monthly bills hasn't been helping, but like I said, we've gotten this far somehow. Which is almost a relief because even if I still don't get paid until September, I'm a lot closer than I was when struggling through July.

Buuuut that's been taking care of bills and food and gas going back and forth to the different locations (and basically moving each time since we had to clean out the rooms after thinking we were moving in.) The actual bill for her care hasn't come in, and while the hospital visits have allowed some miserable level of delay, I'm still waiting for the ball to drop.

To make matters worse, my family has been split between cities because while I've been taking care of my grandma, my older sister (who lives about an hour and half away) had been on watch since she was pregnant after having some complications with a previous child. Because of the complications, we knew when the baby was due since she'd have to do a C-section, and my aunt often tried to encourage my grandma to hold out long enough to see her great grandbaby arrive. The procedure went fine, but it seems our little girl is having complications after coming out, so she's been in the NICU. My parents have been trying to help between hospital visits, babysitting the other kids, food, gas, groceries, y'know. So they can help much on my end, but I haven't really been able to do much for them either. My dad got to come visit though, and I took a day to go see my sister since I thought we were settled but it's while I was away, I got the message about hospital run number four.

It's kind of weird I'm looking forward to going back to work just to get a break from my "vacation". But maybe getting to be with other people in a more lively space with some quiet time in those break periods will give me the motivation to try writing finally. So we'll see. School starts next week so wish me luck!

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #238

I went to therapy today. I went because I completely forgot that my therapist took the day off today. Whoops. But that's all right; the drive there is kind of nice, and on the way home, I saw a hawk swoop out of the sky, relatively close to the car, and the sunlight shone coppery-brown through its feathers, and it was so cool, but I couldn't get a picture of it because I was… y'know. Driving.

I went to physical therapy not too terribly long after returning home. We did more work on my ribcage. After doing some relevant exercises and additional examination of the way the left side of my ribcage and the right side of my ribcage move when I breathe, it was concluded that the right side of my ribcage is not expanding really at all when I breathe, because from a top-down perspective, my ribcage is rotated slightly counterclockwise relative to my hips and collarbone, and because my muscles have kinda… glued my collarbone to my ribcage? Which I guess means that it's not moving around properly, which is then messing up everything that is connected to it, like my neck, shoulder, scapula, and… yeah. All the things that hurt whenever I move or do anything. It's very annoying. I suppose we'll see how well this conclusion holds up over time.

I got another exercise to do in addition to the other one. It seems to help quite a bit:

...After this, and some manual therapy to try to release the tension in my pectoral muscles and trying to separate my right collarbone from my ribcage a little, the right side of my ribcage now moves a little bit when I breathe. It wasn't doing that before, and I can feel the difference.

...But goodness, do I ache. I thought I was going to cook some chicken leg quarters today, but instead I just did a bunch of leisure writing, thoroughly exhausted.

...Some days are just like that, I guess. We have plans and because of various things, we don't actually get to do any of them. Oh well.

I gotta wonder sometimes... Sephiroth, does your wing hurt you? It's very pretty, and I'll bet it's very soft and warm and able to give amazing hugs, but I know that human bodies aren't built for asymmetry (you are HUMAN no matter what was done to you and no matter what anyfuckingbody tells you!), and so I wonder if having the weight of an extra limb on the right side of your body might put strain on the rest of your body and cause your other muscles to compensate in ways that lead to aches and pains in unexpected places.

...I wonder about it. And I hope that what I've described is not something you have to deal with. All I've got is an injury to the nerve running down the front of my left shin, and whatever's going on with my ribcage, and these things by themselves are enough to fuck me up pretty badly. I know that if I had an extra limb on just one side of my body, I probably wouldn't be able to handle the strain.

...I wouldn't wish chronic pain on anyone. I don't even have as much chronic pain as some other folks do, and it has still pretty handily sapped me of my energy and my ability to do a lot of the things I used to love. I try to remain chipper and to remember that there are still lots of other things I can do, but admittedly... some days are really hard.

I guess I'll look forward to trying both of my exercises at some point tomorrow. But I'm not sure when; Ma should be coming over to our house sometime between 1 and 2pm tomorrow (admittedly, I am a little nervous about it...) to play video games. I'm thinking maybe to play Vampire Survivors with him, but maybe he'll have some other video game in mind. I won't be able to do the exercises if I gotta focus on keeping him entertained.

There's gonna be an event tomorrow, too, with various food trucks at a certain part of town; we were thinking of going and bringing Ma with us. Food trucks are neat in that they give us a little taste of different foods from all around the world. One of my favorites, back when I worked as a database analyst in the downtown area, was the Greek food truck. I would always go there and get the white bean salad and their stuffed grape leaves with tzatziki sauce; they were SO GOOD. And the kindly gentleman that runs the truck always used to call me "sunshine", for some reason. It was pretty nice. I miss him sometimes, but I don't really have a reason to go over there, because I don't work there anymore and parking in that area is kind of a nightmare...

...Hey, Sephiroth? Does your world have anything that resembles Greek food? Things like tzatziki sauce or falafel or marinated grape leaves stuffed with rice? What about spanakopita? I wonder...

...Hahh... I'm rambling, aren't I? Sorry about that... But maybe I'll ramble just a little. I ache and so... maybe a little distraction might be good...

So... Sephiroth? I wonder. I know you can't answer me, but I'm going to ask anyway. What kinds of food do you like? Besides pasta, I mean. Do you have a favorite kind of sushi? A favorite kind of fruit (I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that it's not actually pears)? A favorite kind of dessert? A favorite cheese? Favorite things to put on pizza? A favorite kind of sandwich? A favorite thing to eat for breakfast? A favorite kind of tea...?

I wonder so many things, simply because, like any human, you deserve to be seen and known - as a human, not as a celebrity or whatever. And you deserve to have those known aspects about you be considered and thought about.

...And... ya know. It'd be nice to someday be able to give you one of your favorite things, and to see your face light up and to hear your voice shining with joy.

...I'm tired and ouchy, and I can't think of anything else to say. So maybe I'll end this here.

Hey. I love you a whole lot. Try not to forget, okay? And, in light of the knowledge that you're loved, please try really hard to keep yourself safe out there. There are lots of people who need you, not because of anything in particular that you do, but just because you're you.

I'll write again soon.

Your friend, Lumine

[kira-anon-uwu]

chunk from my write's block document

context: i have a fic just for me that i've only shared the majority of with one person that i only work on when i can't focus on anything else. it probably will never see the light of day but here's a funny part that i genuinely feel bad not using in something meant to be posted.

~-~-~

He climbed the ladder in the meantime, idly tapping his hands against the empty part of the shelf as he waited for Wilbur to come back.

"So, I'm hoping you spent your time at home resting,", Wilbur started as he handed up books.

Tommy let out an annoyed groan, contemplating dropping a book on the man's face. "Can we talk about literally anything else?"

"Thoughts on the art of eating sand-"

"I slept while I wasn't here, yeah."

Wilbur exhaled out of his nose with amusement. "That's good. And you explained it to your parents?"

"Yeah, and they didn't bother me about it nearly as much as you are."

"That's not as comforting of a statement as you think it is."

"It's my way of telling you you should drop it,", he rolled his eyes.

"And this is my way of making sure I'm not going to have to file an insurance claim of some kind because you dropped dead in the middle of my store."

"Please, give me some credit; I'd go die somewhere out back, probably."

"Tommy, am I going to have to start making regular checks of the alley to make sure you're not sitting back there like a salvage animatronic?"

"Y'know what? Yes, you do. Gonna wait for you to drag my ass back inside so I can hide in the vents and kill you."

"Which one would you be?"

"You can't hit me with a question like that and expect an immediate answer,", Tommy stopped to think about it, ignoring the way Wilbur was laughing at him as he genuinely considered it, "Probably be Lefty, I recon."

That made Wilbur laugh even harder, dropping the book in his hand back in the box as he tried to collect himself again. "Why Lefty?"

"Because he's cool, and he's got the fucking puppet inside of him."

"I was assuming you'd say some shit like Moltent Freddy."

"Well yeah, if I wanted to be basic about it."

"And what about me, then?"

"Easy; you get to be purple guy."

"Tommy, I didn't sit there and listen to you explain that whole fucking timeline for nine hours for you to compare me to a child murderer."

He looked down at the man with the smallest amount of empathy he could muster, giving him a shrug.

Wilbur glared at him before moving the ladder down the shelves.

"Holy shit, you don't have to prove my point!", Tommy's grip on the ladder tightened, and he leaned closer to it as the wheels grinded against the rails.

"Sorry, couldn't hear you over my insatiable bloodlust. I'm trying to make Remnant."

"Think you making me bust my fucking head open would be Agony instead!"

"I am being one-hundred percent honest with you when I tell you I do not know the difference between the two, and I genuinely do not give a fuck."

"I don't think Scott Cawthon does, either."

"Can we stop with the FNAF talk now, please?", Wilbur sighed, "Bringing it up again reminded me of how exhausting it is to think too hard about it."

"You're the one that brought it up!"

"And now I'm the one putting it away; sticking the missing children in their graves, one might say."

"Ok, Mr.Afton. How many more books are there?"

"I will beat your ass."

"Oh, but you were so worried about me before."

Wilbur rolled his eyes, moving the empty box from the top of his cart to get to the next one. "That was before you started calling me fucking William Afton."

"But think about it; same first name, he probably stank as well, you've probably murdered a few people-"

"You can't prove that."

"I can absolutely prove that you stink,", Tommy snorted, going to grab the next book from Wilbur's hand.

The man narrowed his eyes at him, waiting for Tommy to have a good grip on the thing before yanking it back hard enough that the ladder Tommy was standing on started falling backwards from the shelf.

Wilbur managed to catch him before he hit the floor, but the sudden motion absolutely did not feel good on his injury.

[madegeeky]

Like, I respect that the United States post office has a lot going on and I respect that they're awesome compared to other places (I have bought things from the UK and holy shit).

But every few months I have them pull some sort of bullshit on me and I'm fucking exhausted with having to call them to get them to fucking deliver my fucking shit.

(One time I was waiting for a very important item and I got the notification on my phone that that I wasn't home AS I SAT ON MY COUCH IN MY APARTMENT and I literally threw some shoes on and ran outside to catch them (we live on a block of apartments/condos so wasn't hard). Like, I know y'all are tired and it's a thankless task and stuff but, holy fuck, that letter is ridiculously fucking important. Like, if I don't get that letter it's going to cause a lot of issues. I don't even know what their thought process was? They just didn't want to deal with people today? They just hit a random buzzer and didn't bother to check if they had the right one and then when no one appeared they were like "meh, who cares"? I just... what?

I'm just so fucking exhausted with my post office, y'all. Like, I don't ask them to be super fast, I don't need my packages sent via regular mail to break time records. I am perfectly fine with waiting. Hell, we have three entrances to my apartment building all going to different apartments and sometimes they put the packages at the wrong entrance AND I DO NOT FUCKING CARE because close enough.

But the amount of times I've had to deal with them just, like, not delivering my packages for various bullshit reasons is ridiculous. (The latest one is "incorrect recipient address" which I absolutely call bullshit on. The last time my box was labeled "incorrect recipient address" it was because they sent it along the wrong fucking route and instead of, y'know, putting it back into the right route pile, they just fucking flagged it "wrong address" and were going to send it back. I know that this was the reason because they told me that was what happened. Just, holy fucking hell.)

Anyway, this was a box from a big company and I emailed them instead of calling the post office because I'm so fucking tired. It's a big company. They'll either send me another box or refund my money or something and, whatever, I don't care right now.

Just... Fucking hell, y'all.

[regular-lord-reckoner]

yesterday was pretty exhausting

my dad was doing okay enough that my mom decided to go in for one last day of work before taking off again and apparently upper management wanted to just let her go because she doesn't have enough hours anymore to do fmla and rather than just...y'know, take the situation into consideration, that's what their answer was

thankfully both of our direct managers fought for her and were able to work something out where she'll be able to do some things remotely until she can get enough hours and then they'll let her do fmla

truly cannot wait for the day i can tell his company to kiss the fattest part of my ass and fart in their faces while doing it, fuck y'all

but while she was at work it was me and our family friend here taking care of him and while i really appreciate having his help, i think my dad put on sort of a performance for him yesterday and pushed himself too much

i should have known something was wrong when he kept having me get him hot coffee

even though this man's body composition at this point is probably more coffee than it is water, here lately he hasn't been interested in it because he just wants cold drinks (the colder, the better, he doesn't even want room temp at this point)

and granted he'd only take a sip or two and then just leave it, but that was part of the performance, which okay fine, nothing too serious there, but he did go all day without letting either of us give him anything for anxiety

and i had a feeling that's what was going on because out of nowhere his breathing would get really labored and he'd be looking around a lot (i don't know that he fully slept throughout the day, he would wake up at the slightest little thing) but i kept asking him and asking him if he wanted his medicine and didn't want to force him to take something if he didn't really need it, because it does make him a little groggy so i just kept trying to do right by him, but it backfired

when our family friend left i was in tears by that point because on my own end i stupidly just...kept working the entire time i was sitting there helping take care of him?

from around 6 am to about 6 pm i was either helping my dad or on my computer trying to get caught up on work and i knew better than to do that but there wasn't really anything else i could do

we couldn't sit and talk while he was trying to sleep because it kept waking him up. i didn't want to watch anything on my phone because i wouldn't be able to use headphones.

apart from taking the dog outside and a few of my own bathroom breaks, plus a few minutes i stopped to eat some frozen burritos, i just...worked

and by that point i was starting to think, "okay, he's now got it in his mind this isn't happening, he's going to try to force himself through this (he even said, "i feel better today than i did three days ago!" and something about "shows what doctors know") and it's going to be even worse than what it already is" so my poor mom who's already exhausted and having a day from hell has to console me now. she sat with me for a little bit and calmed me down and sent me outside to the pool so i could cool off and recharge while she handled everything which i'm extremely grateful for

meanwhile, though, she gets my dad in the big bed because that's where he said he wanted to sleep and okay, cool, no problem

she gets him nice and settled and in no time he's having a massive anxiety attack

we're both beating ourselves up today because it just shouldn't have been like that

i think the plan originally was she was just going to work half a day and then come home, but i guess with everything she ended up working a whole day and even though she kept calling and texting to check on him and we gave her the updates, i guess we both just missed the signs that he was just putting on a brave face because of who was here and that we should have insisted more on doing what he actually needed

it's just so hard because i keep wanting to let him do what he wants because it very well could be the last time he does it, y'know, but i also need to really pay attention so that days like yesterday don't happen again because he'll hurt himself and make this harder for himself if we're not careful and nobody wants that

he's been doing better today so far, though

he's back in his hospital bed and has been sleeping his ass off because i'm sure yesterday was exhausting for him big time so my mom's on top of everything and i'm just sitting here in the living room plugging away at work waiting for something to do whenever he wakes up but i'm going to try not to overdo it like i did yesterday because christ

i think he's got a social worker who's supposed to come by today so i hope maybe too that'll help at least point us in the direction of being able to get him some more answers or reassurances or something

i was thinking about it from his perspective in all of this and i think he's at the point where he's just....waiting for permission, i guess?

he keeps asking if there's some kind of schedule or ritual to this and we just keep telling him that not necessarily, this is just what we're doing right now, but i realized that just puts the onus on him to more or less decide, y'know?

because if his body is really shutting down like this and all but screaming at him that it's time i think now it's just sort of up to him whenever he feels ready but i can't imagine having to decide that because it's like...what day do i choose? do i try to make it to my birthday next week or do i just pick a day? and what time? and then what, i just...go? that's it?

yeah, no i can understand why it's hard for him but i just don't want to be the person who gives him that answer because i know him and i know if he feels even a little like it's something we're pushing on him that he'll just give up and call it quits and i don't want that, i want it to be on his terms (as much as can be)

so i guess we'll see how that goes and just keep taking it day by day, moment by moment

[the-force-awakens]

nym! 💜🥹 came here to scream thank you for your kind tags and meant this message to be a reasonable length but now it’s longer than a star wars opening crawl and sappier than a hallmark card so. sorry about that. but anyway, here it is: i never told you this, but we met after i’d taken a long break from tumblr - i’d been sent so much hate by sequel haters that it’d gotten to the point where i’d get anxiety, so i’d deleted a huge majority of my sw gifsets and stopped blogging so much about it and as far as online went, felt my sw excitement deflate. you helped change that. you were so unfailingly kind and had so many incredible st insights and jokes and your love and enthusiasm were so contagious that it made me get over my anxiety and start blogging more about sw again, which made me happy bc i’d missed all the joy that galaxy far, far away had given me. so i guess i really just want to say thank you. 💜 you are always so incredibly passionate, creative, and talented, and above all, so relentlessly kind and such a bright spot in the fandom, even when i’m sure you’re stressed or having a bad day or dealing with annoyance in your own notifs, and i feel so, so lucky to have clicked that follow button. 🫶🫶🫶

oh, sophie 🥺🥹 when I tell you I just kind of had to sit my phone down and cry a little bit (happily!!) because of how overwhelmingly sweet this message is and how much it means to you?? Oh man. I'm gonna put my own star wars crawl length response below, but I don't think it'll be very coherent

I can't say I blame you there in the slightest. I didn't take a break from Tumblr, but I did leave the fandom at the very beginning of 2020 because of it, and - if you can believe - briefly threw in the towel of trying to defend the movies because of how exhausted I was by how loud all the haters were.

I wasn't actively even creating at the time, but I was hanging in active fan spaces at the time and the negativity then (and prior to that, back in 2018) was enough to burn me out on them, and gave me severe anxiety about the final two movies (which I'm actually still working through but seem to have finally mostly gotten over) — the fact that you actually got hate for it makes me so mad, you absolutely did not deserve that, the fact that so much of the SW "fan"dom is built up on tearing each other and the franchise down is absolutely heinous, when the movies are so full of heart and fans with that same amount of love should be celebrated not ridiculed!

It was a little bit because of that, that I went back and revisited the movies. I mean, sure, I missed my kiddos and had been not so subtly pining for Poe Dameron in that year break but, I knew I loved them, y'know? I knew those movies had a special place in my heart and I knew there had to have been a reason for that. So I became determined, hell or high water, to find the heart of those movies and refind my love for them and they made it so, so easy, it genuinely only took one rewatch for me to be sucked back in and fall in love all over again with that trilogy that really does just feel like home to me.

And then after that, I just decided to be as vocally positive about it as humanly possible, regardless of who listened or not, and any amount of hate I got on my sets or saw in my peripheral just made me even more ruthlessly determined to put more love and enthusiasm out there into the universe.

That said, I didn't expect to make any kind of difference by being so loud about it, but I'm so so so happy that it did and that you wound up in a place where you're comfortable to blog about star wars again 🥺🫂 and also for the record I wILL go into battle for you if anyone ever gives you a fuss again.