#even though it’s starting to affect my literal physical health

[flecks-of-stardust]

this game is literally destroying my life

[farlooms]

i dont wanna do this therapy hw man this shit is so stupid

[ourdykeofsorrows]

. (Vent)

[sabertoothwalrus]

I'm going to think out loud about the dungeon meshi ages for a sec

I'm going to preface this by saying that this is based on my existing knowledge, and fact checking is difficult because there is A LOT of contentious research out there.

First of all, I think a lot of people come at this from a modern lens, forgetting the context that this is fantasy medieval era. this is fiction. on top of that, this is specifically Ryoko Kui's understanding of medieval era aging. plus fantasy. So before anyone comes at me with a bunch of 'ermmmm actualy's just consider that I don't really care and also it might not matter in this context lol

as far as the "age of maturity" assigned for each race, something I don't see many people talk about is that "teenagers" are a fairly recent concept. For a long time, you were either considered A Kid or Not A Kid. but this doesn't necessarily mean kids were more/less developed then, just our cultural expectations for certain age groups have changed.

Laios says the age of maturity for tallmen is 16. I don't think that means 16 year olds in the dungeon meshi universe are necessarily "more mature" than modern 16 year olds, but moreso that they have more responsibilities. However, things like medicine, smoking, drinking, sun exposure, physical activity, etc all affect age, so it's possible that developmentally they're closer to modern 18 year olds? Izutsumi is 17 (less than two weeks from turning 18, actually), and very much acts like a modern 17 year old.

The age of maturity for half-foots is 14. Chilchuck was 13 when he got married and had his first two children. Even though, at age 29, he's the equivalent of a modern 50 year old, I don't think he was That much more developed at 13 than a tallman. I think if half-foot 14 is equal to tallman 16, then Chilchuck was Pretty Damn Young for a parent LMAO. Even if you're generous and say tallman 16 is a modern 18, he still would've been younger than that.

The long-lived races are interesting. Marcille is obviously a unique case, and not a lot of this applies to her. We do know what Senshi was like as a minor (miner, lol), and he seemed like a modern 15ish, considering he was 36 and dwarf maturity is 40. I think it'd be really interesting to delve into how a culture functions with people being developmentally adolescent for soooooo long. Imagine middle school lasting 20 years. that would fucking suck. I suppose it makes sense why long-lived races are so patronizing.

Moving onto lifespans, I want to emphasize that they're average lifespans. Even in the manga, they say some half-foots live to 100, it's just rare. So it's less that a tallman 60 year old is "older" than a modern 60 year old, it's that it's easier to keep people alive for longer nowadays. Modern medicine is a BIG contributor. Dental health as well, considering how much your health is affected by your diet (and how much the action of chewing alone aids in digestion). Curious to know what the FUCK elven dentistry is like.

It also makes me wonder if half-foots would have a longer average lifespan if they weren't like, used for bait and treated so poorly, but half-foot 29 does seem to be middle-aged for half-foots. so who knows!

In that vein, I don't know if I can see Mithrun quite making it to 400 😬 like, his experience as a dungeon lord took a lot out of him quite literally, and he's doing exceptionally well despite it! I imagine he'd eventually start to develop a lot of heart problems if he doesn't have them already. Perhaps early-onset dementia. His memory seems still quite intact (he corrects Kabru on his story's accuracy) and he doesn't act like, lobotomized. He doesn't seem forgetful or confused, and he has a sense of humor/sarcasm still. It's mostly his task initiation that's been affected.

I almost want to say that mana affinity could affect long-lived races' lifespans, except dwarves have very poor tolerance for mana, so it's probably not that.

okay anyway I didn't really have a point to this post so I'm just gonna end my rambling here

[mizu-nights]

HELLO!!! iys me again heheh, id like to request ermm.. tsukasa and minori, with a s/o that RARELY shows affection by physical touch, BUT gets really clingy when theyre half awake or when theyre sick,,, though when they fully regained their consciousness/health,, they get embarrassed about it? thank yew :3!!

♬ now playing: "suddenly clingy"

-> when you've got a partner as aloof and reserved as you, can you really blame them for being so surprised?

★ — chars ; tsukasa , minori

★ — notes ; MWEHEHE HELLO AGAIN LYN (i hope thats ur name and im not misreading anything somehow huhu)!!! another tsukasa and minori req... rlly love writing them so im always grateful :3 DID U KNOW I DREW MINORI FOR MY CLASS PIN THING!?!?! my teacher was nice enough to print it out for everyone hehe... still have yet to receive it bc of break but just a fun little thing that happened!! hope u enjoy <3

★ — warnings ; implied fem!reader for minori (implies that reader also attends miyamasuzaka) , otherwise none!

★ — taglist ; @akitosheart , @mintchocaur (tsukasa!!)

affiliated with @virtualbookstore ★

★ track #1: tenma tsukasa

to put it simply, tsukasa was really surprised! just the night before, you were so calm and reserved, maybe holding his hand a few times. even kissing his cheek once or twice.

... but right now? after you just woke up? you're all over him. literally. he doesn't mind, please don't get him wrong! tsukasa finds it endearing, if anything. it's just...

"tsukasa... love you..."

feeling your entire body cling onto his with such desperation... he wants to question it, but at the same time, it might risk embarrassing you and making you back away again, which isn't what he wants at all!

though the embarrassment was basically inevitable, as 20 minutes or so later, you're back to your usual self, just a little more shy this time.

"oh, goodness... tsukasa, i'm sorry, i didn't-"

"not to worry, [name]! i don't mind it one bit!"

he knows that you don't show a lot of affection normally for a reason. maybe you're too shy, maybe you're uncomfortable with it. as much as he loves it when you do, tsukasa doesn't force you to do anything! sure, he'll ask once or twice every once in a while, but he's very understanding if the answer is no.

... though, if you do it when you're fully awake for the first time... expect him to suddenly get all quiet and freeze up. it's a good thing, no worries.

★ track #2: hanasato minori

minori's way of showing her love for you is mostly words of affirmation or gift giving, so she doesn't mind that you aren't too keen on physical affection!

that doesn't mean anything bad, of course! it's not like she doesn't want to hug you, hold you, or kiss you, it's just that... she's a little shy about it. which means your lack of physical affection works out just fine.

so you can imagine how perplexed she was when you started begging for her attention, holding her hand and asking her to stay with you when you got sick.

"minori, stay a little longer... i'll feel so much better if you're here..."

minori may be an idol now, but hearing compliments from someone she truly holds near and dear to her heart... might give her a heart attack.

... but she also really adores it. after all, it makes her feel loved and special, more so since it's coming from you, of all people.

with all the training and practices she needs to attend to nowadays, minori makes sure to leave cute, handwritten notes or sweet text messages to check up on you! if you're allowed to use your phone when you're sick, that is.

when you finally recover and go back to school, it's absolutely over for the both of you. minori gets flustered easily on her own, but now that you've also lost your cool, getting all red alongside her? it's quite a cute scene from an outsider's perspective.

... the outsiders being the rest of more more jump, of course. as silly and clumsy the two of you can be, you're really the perfect pair for each other.

[spiralling-thoughts]

Loona would make an awful and abusive friend for Octavia

(Sorry if I might be rude and pity in this post , but this have been bothering me for so long and I feel like I should voice my opinion on the matter now disclaimer I mean no ill will towards anyone and I don't harass people who write about this idea neither should you this is just me voicing MY PERSONAL OPINION so are we cool here?)

So I have seen many and I mean MANY fanfics ,fanart,ect of the idea that loona would make an awesome older sister to Octavia and be her "first real friend who understands her " and some take it as far as shipping (sorry but the shipping aspect of this is really gross loona is 22 while Octavia is 17 this is pedophilia) now I will be honest I personally think this is sugar quoting and people giving loona to much credit, this woman is ABUSIVE (yes I said it she's a more accurate representation of abuse than stella and yes abusers could be traumatized victims) this woman beats and attacks her adoptive father who always shower showed her with affection and she knows hed get over it this is an extremely toxic trait, she kept insulting moxxie about being fat (even though he's a stick figure) until she gave him body image issues and she starts pity fights like how she did in queen bee now in what world would someone like this be a good older sister towards anyone?like imagine if Octavia asked loona to dial down her attitude a bit what would loona do? Would she listen to her NAH if she'd beat up her own father for that whose to say she wouldn't do the same for Octavia?, and their conversation in seeing stars....oh boy I was holding back trying not to throw my phone when this part came there are a bunch of posts about how nonsensical this part was but the long and short of it is that loona doesn't have any right to tell Octavia to put up with stolas when she herself treats her father poorly and she straight up lied to Octavia, stolas wasn't looking for her he was pathetically sitting around in the theatre getting thirsty over blitz and he wasn't all that freaked out that he's daughter ran away because of him, so loona literally gaslighted Octavia to apologise and come back to her neglectful father (yes for the millionths time stolas is neglectful) , this just makes their "friendship" all the more jarring and toxic, just because both are goth girls with daddy issues doesn't mean they will be instantly healthy friends their issues, upbringing, situations are completely different, Octavia is getting neglected by her father who constantly puts hes own desires before her will being and constantly makes her uncomfortable and constantly let her down and break his promises and from her perspective he ruined her home life, loona on the other hand is being rude and abusive towards her father who so far gave her affection, protection and while yes he was once over protective of her it's understandable considering where he got adopted her from yet even after all of that and after 5 years of being with him she still treats him poorly with only a few moments where she was nice to him and even then she resorts back to not caring about him and being rude and violent and she knows he'll get over it and come back to spoiling her, Octavia is getting emotionally abused by her father while loona is abusing her father THERE SITUATIONS ARE NOT THE SAME and now loona will basically glue Octavia onto her abuser while also probably abusing Octavia either emotionally, mentally, physically I don't see her at all as a kind or understanding or caring person she only act like that when it's convenient to the plot or as a moment to gaslight people into ignoring her awful actions , so yeah I don't think loona would at all be a good person for Octavia to hang out with under any circumstances she'd probably badly influence her and make her mental health worse than it already is , people go out of their way to make her act completely different from what she does in the show to make this s*** idea possible and that's another problem loona like stolas is coddled by the fandom and they always ignore how much of an awful person she actually is instead come up with excuses for her and try to make her look better than she actually is , I get the appeal people might get from this idea but I really don't like it or see it I feel like people are glossing over alot of issues with this whole situation

Thank you for coming to my rant

[anexperimentallife]

Help a disabled, neurodivergent, interracial family get back to the US for medical treatment

After three bouts of COVID and other medical issues over the past six years here in the Philippines, my health has deteriorated to the point at which I'm worried I won't get to watch my little girl grow up unless I can get back to where I can use my Medicare and VA benefits for various surgeries and treatments.

Unfortunately, even with all y'all's help, @thesurestthing and I are still in debt from the two-year ordeal of fixing our daughter's stateless status, so we can't do this on our own. My little sister started a fundraiser for us, and there are a couple of other ways to help, as well. If you can't help, please reblog. Thank you! (The PayPal link takes the lowest fees, but whatever works for you is best!)

If you want more details, they're under the cut:

Six years ago, while still grieving the deaths of my adult sons and a painful breakup, I moved from the US to the Philippines with just what I could carry, in large part because it's actually possible to survive here on the pittance US disability pays. I had kind of given up on life and figured I would sort of drift off eventually. I wasn't going to kick my own bucket, mind you; I just wasn't going to try very hard to keep living. And I figured I'd just pass away someplace beautiful.

Soon after I got here, though, @thesurestthing (also American) started messaging me from the states, told me she was going to come to the Philippines and be my girlfriend (even though I told her no at first), and eventually joined me here. We had a baby under lockdown, and got married.

So now I had something to live for. (And most of y'all know the drama with the error on El's birth certificate that left her stateless and took almost two years and a lot of money to get fixed.)

But I have had health scare after health scare over the past few years, including three bouts of COVID (some of you remember the month I spent hooked up to an oxygen machine), two bouts of pneumonia, a persistent two-year foot infection that took surgery to clear up (and is going to require another surgery to keep cleared up), damage to my heart and scarring in my lungs from long covid, a literal hole in my throat that is growing bigger, a spine injury, joint injuries, osteo and rheumatoid arthritis, a traumatic brain injury that affects my memory and concentration, adhd, bipolar disorder, autism, and other issues.

(Not even getting into the dental stuff--Hope to be able to get that done before we go back, here where it's cheaper, because Medicare doesn't cover that.)

I'm terrified that I won't be alive to watch my little girl grow up unless I can get someplace where I can use my Medicare and VA health benefits.

An old friend of mine is a social worker and on the school board in a small Minnesota city with its own VA clinic, and has offered to help us get settled in there, but we still have to find a place to live (suitable for a couple that includes a physically disabled adult, and who have a toddler), some basic household goods, some cheap used transportation, and need to survive for a couple of months while Zoey looks for work.

Given our situation in general and the fact that right now my disability is our only income, we're probably looking at having to pay at least six months (or possibly an entire year) of rent up front in order to get anyplace to lease to us.

We can't stay with friends because every single stateside friend we have with a spare room also has a cat--and I have an anaphylactic allergic reaction to cats, meaning that I will literally die if I'm around a cat for too long. I've had to go to the ER because I slept in a room that had a blanket in the corner that a cat had momentarily lain on. The only way I can be around cats is if I'm on massive doses of immunosuppressive drugs, which, well... The whole issue here is that I keep getting deathly ill, so suppressing my immune system even more is a non-starter. Oh, and Fel D 1, the protein secreted in cat dander, saliva, and waste, can stay even on hard surface for up to two years, and even longer on porous surfaces.

Again, if we weren't still in so much debt from El's birth certificate debacle, we might be able to do this at least mostly on our own. But as things stand, we can't do it on our own. We need your help.

If you read all of this, thank you very much. And again, if you can't give, please reblog.

For more medical details, check my Rob Gets Medical tag. For more details about Eleanor's birth certificate saga, check my Baby El tag.

[saturngalore]

So I did see a very big blogger say that they’re too triggered and exhausted by police brutality and watching our peers die, that they choose to not care and don’t have to. I was blown away by that. Yes, god, I am so tired of the problems we face in our country from being black but to show no empathy for others really saddens me. I truly thought some of my peers here were better than that. Seeing your post though restored my faith and I thank you for saying what I couldn’t put into words. A simple reblog for thousands of eyes to see is so important I don’t see how they don’t get it.

hi anon! sorry it took me awhile to respond bc i really wanted take extra time and thought for this. im glad that my post showed you that everyone not think and feel the same about sharing/supporting for palestine even though we may have the same racial/ethnic background. it’s honestly really disheartening but still frustrating to see other black simmers or just really some black people irl to kinda have that same reaction to what’s going on. i completely understand the suffocating trauma and feeling of hopelessness that comes with being black especially in america. not everyone who is black has the same trauma and i cannot speak for everyone especially those who may had a family member, friend or someone they knew affected by police brutality and/or lynching. the response to police brutality was to protect our peace, to take a break, and to prevent us from breaking down to point of not being able to fight against systemic oppression either alive or not. and that was understandable because stress and constantly being in fear about dying a senseless and brutal death for only being black heavily impacts our health both mentally and physically. im not trying to invalid that pain or experiences at all. and i never will.

but it just doesn’t feel right to me personally to turn away and stay silent about a literal genocide occurring right before us that is endorsed by our current president and is funded by american taxpayer dollars. even though im african american and a list of other marginalized identities, i still have the vital and basic privilege of being able to live with a roof over my head, a warm bed and shower, access to food and water when i need it, access to electricity to listen to music and be on my computer/phone, and so much more than many palestinians don’t have the opportunity to have right now. my mental health is not the best some days but waking up to see what’s going on in palestine every day for the past couple days have yet to drain me (this is probably another privilege) because it’s also the small and big moments of seeing palestine children smiling, journalists i have seen ever since this started still alive and reporting, people protesting all over the world via blockades and physical/financial boycotts. my experience during peak blm may have drained me emotional but the experience also radicalized me and made my activism or just simply my outlook on life more focused on love, community, nourishment, and a hopeful life without colonialism and imperialism. if i was more passive in engaging with geopolitical issues and just shut out the world around then i would be missing out on a lot of good things in this life.

i feel like there could be better ways to say this and maybe im just rambling on but there must be a balance between sustaining yourself as a person amid constant turmoil, violence, pain and death versus becoming complicit and silent just like those who oppress want us to be. every single one of us will not win or be free if silence is the only thing people can do to “protect our peace”. at the end of day, we owe it to the palestinians (as well as the congolese, haitians, sudanese, and many others who only ask that we speak up and care more).

[alyjojo]

Family Ties ⛪️ - May 2024 - Leo

Overall Energy: Queen of Pentacles

For most, this feels like your energy. You’re pretty separate from your family, or they are, I do get some people with issues right off the bat…they may not be the most supportive, close, or involved. You could be a single parent, someone that’s focused on your independence and career, not so much concerned with the family and its dramas. You’re good on your own, you can handle your shit, and you’re probably happier that way - on some level. But the guilt gets you every time. It’s a heavy burden on your shoulders, having to show up for people who have hurt you or let you down - I’m hearing “countless times.” Due to…your own sense of what family should be, maybe guilt trips from others, maybe you just do it for Mom. She seems to be the best relationship with you, you’ll show up for her. Maybe she wants to meet up with everyone else and you’d just rather not. You could be under a lot of pressure and where are these people? Not caring. So why should you?

If not you, this Queen of Pentacles could be someone in particular you reunite with periodically but would rather not, all of these feelings may just refer to one person. It could be a stand-off that’s affected the whole family, some are closer with that person, and you’re closest with Mom (it seems anyway.)

Mother: The Empress, The Fool, 4 Wands

Oracle: Patience 😌 - Jupiter Virgo

69 - Precision

The desire to do things precisely is useful as long as it does not devolve into rigidity.

A few different stories with Mom. She loves being your mom in all of them, for one, but for some that’s may not have been planned at ALL. Dad could’ve been a one night thing or a very short affair, I’m even getting her leaving while still pregnant - for someone. And magically, a baby came out of that. I’m also getting you being a possible “miracle baby” or born via…well I heard “nitro” but Google says “in vitro” and it’s probably that 😋 It’s possible “Dad” is more of “donor” in some cases, even possibly a surrogate, or she may have been one for a family member - like a sibling. Or she helped raise a siblings kids, maybe her siblings too. Mom seems to have had/has fertility struggles in some cases, I’m seeing she wishes there were more. Even if there’s two or three of you, she wishes there were more. She may have lost a baby in the womb, more than one even, and my heart goes out to her 🙏

Being a mother is her calling, it’s what she was made for, even with whatever her job is - it may still be something more domestic. At home daycare for someone. A chef/baker. A decorator. A gardener. Something probably run out of the home, and it could be a side gig as well, something she’s really passionate about, and good at. She may have been able to quit her day job in order to really focus on something that lights her up inside. Or any of these things may be you, and she just understands your situation very well, you tell her everything. When she does something, it’s crafted to perfection, whatever it is, she may be a Martha Stewart of many talents. Very nurturing and loving of you, you are her pride and joy, and she’s always available for you to vent to, or to help solve your problems. She has a wealth of knowledge and genuinely wants stability & happiness for you ❤️

Father: Knight of Wands & 6 Swords rev

Oracle: Health (sideways) - Sun Virgo

66 New Start

Sometimes we must realize that what we have done needs to be discarded and we must make a new start.

For some I’m getting Dad being a problem-child turned problem-adult, with not much growth in between. 666 is here showing possible addictions, awful habits, things he continues returning to time and time and time again - even though it does not work out for him. In some cases, this is literally affecting his physical health, especially issues of the addiction variety, his health is going down…he really needs to wake up (or grow up) and pay attention. Will he? I’m not sure 😕 In some cases this may absolutely be mental health related, there could be some kind of damage from drugs or long-term use of something that’s caused problems…he could possibly heal to some extent, if he stops now. Right now. For some it may be too late - some kind of damage is irreparable - but not fatal. Not yet, and not if he turns things around. Wheel of Fortune rev and The Fool rev shows he has not done that, he’s very immature and foolish with some of his decisions.

In someone’s case he may simply be a donor that’s not worth knowing, or you can’t somehow; and if health history is what concerns you there, I’m seeing the only real concerning history is what he’s done to himself - it’s not on you to worry about genetically. If you’ve insisted on meeting him or being around, you may have found that out the hard way.

For a third group, it’s possible you reconnected with him when *you* were going through a reckless & crazy phase in your life, thinking he may support you or something, you could’ve just shown up at his door one day and kinda made him be more involved on some level. If so, it changed your whole life, but it also may be part of the 5 Cups attached to you, and you may regret it now. Maybe because of how other family members responded, or something stupid Dad did, or maybe you did, something with him has hurt you.

Siblings: Judgment & 9 Pentacles

Oracle: Escape - Mars Pisces

76 - Cycles

The wind blows, the wheel turns. We go through cycles just like Nature because we are a part of Nature.

Sibling relationships are complicated. Again, some may not have made it to birth, Judgment can show more than one even. Escape & Cycles would show something just going wrong, it’s not any particular thing. Not that I can see 🙏 Some of you are only children and hate it, you feel like you don’t have a friend to party with or tell all of your secrets. And for those with siblings, they may be the kind that are in and out of your life, there could be a large age difference or circumstances that separate you. Like Dad had a couple of kids with someone else, and you don’t even know them. Or a sibling is just so far removed from the family scene, they’re off doing their own thing independently, you see them rarely and aren’t very close. You do wish you were closer, or that you had siblings to be close with. They may be the ones you feel guilted to come around for most often, or you could just feel sad because you show up but it’s like they don’t even care, they’re always too “busy” or something.

Grandparents: 5 Wands & King of Wands rev

Oracle: Flattery ☺️ - Venus Gemini

Birth 🍼 - Venus Cancer

78 Recharge

When the pace of life becomes too hectic, know to slow down, be mindful, and go with the flow.

These grandparents either have issues with your parent/s or you, it is King of Wands after all. If there are siblings, there may be competition involving them, like your grandparents clearly play favorites, or they’re more involved with Dad’s other kids than they are you. They’re fake nice, if they’re nice at all, and they have a tendency to know exactly how to piss you off. There’s a real instigating energy, some person or people just like to start drama, bring it up, purposely trigger others to get a point across, they’re petty af. Some of you may have never known them at all, because of drama involving your parent. If you do know them, at least one of them has a way of always making you feel like you’re not good enough, putting you down, being very negative and assuring you that you’re doomed to fail in some way. I think they’re intimidated by you, but I have no idea why. They make you feel like a failure, but also pretend to flatter you? Backhanded compliments for sure. Some never made an effort in the first place, but maybe they pretend they care online or some shit, you know they could do more and don’t. For some it’s just you with the issue, they made you very angry, there’s a history of drama, and maybe it’s always been that way - either way, you’re not close and Spirit is validating your difficult experience with them. It’s possible for someone that the “good one” passed on before you were born, or small, and you wonder how much you’d have loved them from the stories you’ve heard.

Spiritual Ancestors/Guides: Page of Wands & Strength

Oracle: Egotism 🤴 - Mars Leo

46 Nurture

For self-care, try loving and nurturing yourself as you would a child or a pet.

You could have a reactive sort of nature, one that is aggressive, quick to pop-off, jumps to conclusions…this is saying to rein it in. Strength is The Empress, restraining a lion (you), showing that it’s necessary to tame your inner beast. For your own sake. You may approach things from a place of ego, right/wrong, and don’t care what battle you’re battling so long as you’re RIGHT. But right isn’t important, how you treat people is. FIRE 🔥 comes with passion, and passion is synonymous with anger. You can’t have one without the other, and it can be a very good thing, just avoid bringing down Towers. The Tower rev clarifies, you could stick your foot right in your mouth if you aren’t careful…because not everyone is out to fight you, or prove a point, it’s incredible how many people simply do not care. Look at you like you’re crazy for feeling impassioned about something that maybe could be kinda minor - in retrospect.

Nurture is showing you to redirect your Strength into things that help you grow, because The Empress calms the lion - so should you nurture and love yourself into a state of mind that is peaceful, so that reactive behavior isn’t even wanted - you could be doing better things with your time. Beautifying your world, doing the things that help you to grow and expand your world, changing up your appearance maybe. Nothing DRASTIC. Page of Wands gets so excited to do the things, but they do not make a plan whatsoever it’s just “I discovered avocados yesterday and I’m obsessed, fill my house full of them.” And not knowing wtf to do with 50 avocados 🥑 all ripe at the same time. Why that’s the example…idk. It’s good to have fun, it’s not good to take things too far. It’s good to stand up for yourself (if necessary), it’s not good to impulsively go around knocking down everyone else’s Tower because you felt a way that day. Spirit is saying for your own peace, growth, and possibly finances, you need to get a handle on “your mouth.” At the bottom shows to wait in silence and use your intuition before making decisions or even talking about them. It takes a quiet space & focus to really tune in to you, and you never know what’s going to come up in the meantime. I would assume good stuff. Mom may have a particular way of calming you down.

[swolesecrets]

America is Obese.

Before I begin, I think it is crucial that I tell you a bit about me... My name is Gwyneth, I am a 17 year old girl who loves fitness, starting my fitness journey around 2-3 years ago. I have always had a caring and empathic personality, ultimately hoping to help people. For that reason among many others, I plan on pursuing a career in nursing as well as personal training. My goal is to preach the wonders of the fitness world whilst assisting people to attain their goals. Welcome to swolesecrets...  

The detrimental obesity epidemic is an overlooked societal issue specifically throughout the Western community. "The latest estimates are that approximately 34% of adults and 15–20% of children and adolescents in the U.S. are obese." According to https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov, this concludes that obesity is a health concern that affects every age segment of the U.S population. Just how detrimental can an obese population really be though?.. VERY bad. 

Defined by the Oxford English Dictionary, the term obesity is “The condition of being extremely fat or overweight; stoutness, corpulence.” Ultimately posing affects one's physical capabilities and quality of life. 

“But how does someone else’s physical health affect you?” 

As a gym nerd myself and an aspiring personal trainer, it is simply a fact that this growing obesity epidemic will have an impact on the society as a whole, and here’s why… Given that as seen by definition; this state of health imposes compromises to the individual's physical demands… We can foresee economical issues given that more people are incapable of doing difficult jobs essential to a functioning society, such as trade work, floor nursing and emergency services amongst many others, and in fact increase tax rates and pose negative effects on the healthcare system. 

Just within recent years, obesity rates have spiked immensely. In terms of a historical science stand-point, early primates and our ancestors were “physically fit”, because it was a factor that determined their survival rate, which can be proved by the Darwin Theory. “Survival of the fittest” literally and metaphorically. 

It is most important to note that weight does not correspond to obesity! Everyone is different, in terms of metabolisms, genetics, bone structure and where they may carry weight. To say that being “skinny” or being “larger” is healthy or unhealthy is unfair, the truth is, there's no set definition of what a healthy person is as long as their body does not compromise them from expected average tasks and their favorite activities. Did you know that exercising speeds up your metabolic rate naturally, thust decreasing your risk of obesity.

In the most simple way, weight is determined by the average ratio of calories being consumed to calories being burnt. When the average person consumes more than what the body is able to burn, that's when we can observe a gain of weight.

“But do the pros REALLY outweigh the cons?”

There are so many reasons why exercise is beneficial for humans' emotional, physical and psychological well-being. I think that everyone could benefit from exercise, especially for themselves. It doesn't matter how you do it, the fitness world is so immense from weightlifting, zumba classes, pilates, yoga, aqua fitness, sports, swimming, cardio, home workouts, biking and perhaps even walking your dog.

Let's be real, many of us don't like exercising at first. I certaintly didn't. I was in grade 9 during the pandemic when I first set foot in the gym, not knowing what the muscle groups were even called. Nor what a benchpress even was. Thankfully though, through my mask no one could see my facial expression of udder confusion looking up "back workouts for girls", "instant ab workouts", "toned full body workout." into my TikTok search. I think thats one of the many reasons why fitness could benefit EVERYONE. It allows you to challenge yourself; work towards something. For me personally I truly believe fitness has helped immensely with my mental health. From being so isolated in my room every day throughout lockdown, fitness taught me determination, improved my work ethic, allowed me to process my feelings and gain confidence.

With that being said, throughout this Blog I will discuss the insides of the fitness industry including, the many benefits of working out, motivation sources, my journey in depth, healthy nutrition advice, my favorite workouts, time management with working out and much more…

[efangamez]

hi there! i just wanted to ask you something. i like how you advocate for disabled people and how you're so open about it online, so i thought you'd be a good person to ask. i have narcolepsy, and i wanna talk about it on the internet but i'm afraid. it's absolutely a disability, one that completely took over my life, but it's invisible. i don't look disabled even though narcolepsy affects every aspect of my life and keeps me from working a job and going to school in the same way others do. nobody understands it very well. heck, even i don't know much about it. i feel like my doctor just gave me the basics, prescribed medicine, then sent me on my way. most of my family members think it's insomnia, or that i'm just sleepy all the time, but it physically weakens my body to a painful degree. i also have hallucinations when i'm about to fall asleep, which aren't hallucinations in the same way someone who has schizophrenia has them- it's literally just dreaming while i'm still awake because my sleep cycles are happening during the day when i'm not asleep. personal hygene is hard, motivation is really low, and medicine is extremely expensive for me. i've heard some people say not to tell your employers what disability that you have, only that you're disabled and need some accomodations. maybe that's why i'm so timid about talking about it. i'm worried people will accuse me of making up my condition, or that people will accuse me of claiming to be disabled when i actually have a mental illness (which isn't true), or that people will just think i'm sleepy all the time and not actually get to know what i'm like. i'm worried that people will think i'm faking it because it's not easily visible. what should i do?

Hey there! Thanks so much for asking this, and endless love to you!

I have a very difficult to achieve answer, but one that has helped me. I do wanna say I'm not a mental health professional, and that my word isn't gospel whatsoever.

To me, it's being honest with yourself and others and advocating for yourself. How do you go about doing that? Well, it's declaring that you are disabled, no matter who says what about it. If you're disabled by something, that's it: you're disabled. No amount of shaming yourself or others shaming you will evade the truth. People may roll their eyes who have known you forever and try to say "it's not that bad", and then, if safe with them, you can bust out exactly WHAT has been ailing you. Now, again, only do this if YOU are comfy doing so; no one EVER needs to prove their disability to everyone, but the harsh reality is that many people that we love don't understand disability.

Next, is finding community or creating some yourself. Discord is a pretty solid starting place for those like myself with severe mental illness and some physical disabilities. If you have some in person friends who would be kind enough to take you to some disability advocacy orgs near you, you can do that too! Really, it starts with being able to SEE that you are not alone. I suffer from a severe form of OCD, and seeing that other people share my struggle has been...otherworldly helpful. If I could find some people to talk to about it, it would be even better!

The last piece of advice I'll give you is to learn to rest and love yourself. This is something I am struggling with right now. Due to traumas in my past, past mistakes, and current disabilities that make me feel "abhuman" (in my own words, at times), it creates this sort of spiraling cesspit of self-hatred and loathing that scrapes at my soul daily. But you know how I'm combatting that? Brushing my teeth. Cooking meals. Playing games from my childhood to heal my inner child, cleaning my room, and checking up with friends. Some days it feels like I would literally rather to perish than to get out of bed some days, but the fact that I do is a triumph, and if you're able, taking that leap is something I wish for you. Accountability buddies are AMAZING for this. These things, also, take a LONG time, and I have just started on my journey about a month ago. I've got a loooooonnnggg way to go.

This post is getting a bit long, but I'll leave with this: no matter your mistakes, no matter your disability, no matter what things you will do or not do, you deserve life. I hope that your life is filled with change, accountability, joy in the face of desperation and hopelessness, and gifts that will assist you in achieving the life YOU deserve. My DMs, as long as you're 18+, are open. <3

[geomimetry]

Wheatley

SO, this sheet was really fun to fill out, but also really difficult since Wheatley is such a complex character. Literally on all of the points I was like... he's both though. He's a living dichotomy. So, on these different spectrums, I've placed him where I think he would be if he were just true to himself. Also some of these assume he's human post-aperture. But his personality otherwise is pretty much the same. I go into details under the cut about my reasonings for how I've filled out his chart because I love talking about this orb. Be warned, it's a long post. I have a lot to say.

———

Intelligence (Academic)

Okay, starting off... his intelligence. I've placed him slightly to the right of the middle because to be fair, no matter how much the game likes to tell us otherwise, Wheatley is not an idiot. I'd say he's of average intelligence, perhaps even a little bit smarter. He does a lot of things in the game that are smart, and the things he does that aren't can be attributed to high stress, bad mental health, impulsivity, and lack of attention—but not to a lack of intelligence.

Wisdom / Street-Wise

Wheatley is street-wise when it comes to Aperture. He's lived there for hundreds or thousands of years. It's the only place he knows, and he knows it like the back of his proverbial hand. Yes, he sometimes gets lost, but who wouldn't in a massive, ever-changing labyrinth. He's street-wise because he knows how the place and its inhabitants work, he knows how to survive, and he knows what it would take to get out, if he so wishes.

Physical Ability / Strength

As a core, he would be placed completely to the left. As a human, I think he would be between that and the middle. I just see human Wheatley as lanky. Not a lot of muscle definition.

Mental Strength

Wheatley's mental strength is pretty strong. I mean, he's been isolated in an underground facility hell-bent on killing him for an indefinite, but long, amount of time, and he's only mildly insane? That's mental strength right there.

Dominance

This one depends. I think, before his cosmic exile, he does act more dominantly, and he does want to be dominant. But I think after that whole fiasco, he's kind of turned off on the idea. He's scared to be anything but submissive again. Also I do think that he only wanted to be more dominant before because he'd been sumbissive all his life up until he'd had enough of the way people treated him.

Confidence

Wheatley acts as if he's very confident, but deep down he's not at all. I think after space, he'd stop the act, because he's not looking to fool himself or anyone else anymore.

Leadership

This one was difficult, and I'm not entirely sure if I'm pleased with the placement. In the facility, with Chell, he was the leader. But I believe before that, he was a follower. This kind of ties in with dominance, but not quite, since I believe he doesn't want to just mindlessly follow other people. He has a strong will of his own, but I think it depends on how dominant or confident he's feeling for him to actually take the lead. Post space, I believe he would just follow, because I think he'd just be very depressed and not have a will of his own, really.

Maturity

Wheatley isn't very mature, I think. He can be, but in a lot of ways, he's not. I think, as you mature, you start caring less about what others think and stop worrying as much about every little thing you do affecting your future. Wheatley cares a lot about other people's perception of him, so much so that it's one of his biggest flaws, I think. It controls him and his actions entirely.

Social

He's pretty much an extrovert with social anxiety. He loves being around people and longs for connection and belonging, but he's also deathly afraid of making a fool out of himself and being disliked or laughed at.

Agility

As a human, I think he'd be too unused to control his limbs effectively.

Endurance

If there's anything Wheatley does, it's enduring. This is kind of tied in with mental strength. He endures a lot mentally, but also physically. He's endured being bullied all his life, being given a cruel designation and purpose, social isolation, being hit by turret bullets, being crushed half to death, etc. He's endured a lot.

Temperament

This one's also pretty difficult. He's pretty calm, it takes a lot for him to actually get angry, but he does get frustrated or secretly angry pretty easily. I think he is a pretty angry person, but he tries his best to hide it, making some snide comments here and there, until it builds up and he explodes.

Physical Health

Hm. As a human... I really don't know. It depends on the story, I suppose. As a core, depends on where in the story. But his physical well-being isn't that good to start off with (bullet holes and such on his casing), but it's probably not too bad, though later on after he gets crushed and has his twitches and sparks and cracked lens... he's not feeling so good, physically.

Mental Health

Haha. Yeah, no, this guy's got no mental health whatsoever. He's very unwell mentally. He's delusional, mildly insane, in denial, has social anxiety, general anxiety, a debilitatingly strong inferiority complex, RSD, PTSD, c-PTSD, depression, and impostor syndrome. I've probably missed a few. Someone book him a therapist appointment STAT.

Patience

When he's not affected by the chassis, Wheatley is pretty patient. He would have probably waited for Chell to say apple for an eternity if the facility wasn't about to explode. Throughout the game, you as the player can choose to stall, and he will just nudge you in the right direction every now and then until you do. He does get frustrated sometimes, which is why I haven't placed him farther to the right. But I think his impatience is mostly because his life is in danger and he's depending on Chell to get him out alive, so all in all he's pretty patient. I think this is partly because he has no concept of time. If you've been stuck for an eternity in a haunted facility with no end in sight, time simply loses meaning. This is evident when he tells Chell she just had to do a couple of simple tests for a few hundred years for him. A few hundred years is nothing to him, so what is a few minutes?

Loyalty

I will start this off as yes, he does betray Chell, I'm fully aware, but he does so because he fully believed Chell betrayed him first (among other reasons). He actually shows very commendable loyalty before that. He came back for Chell after he got crushed, even though he didn't have to, even though the facility wasn't exploding anymore and he wasn't in immediate danger. He came back because Chell was in such danger, and in doing so he put himself in the same peril—despite his very strong sense of self-preservation. He came back because he felt he couldn't abandon her and let her get murdered by GLaDOS. He was loyal to her, even though they barely knew each other. I think he saw her as a potential friend and didn't want to lose her.

Disposition (Outwardly)

He's pretty kind to others, or at least he tries to be, even in times he doesn't really want to. Like when he's about to call Chell terrible-looking, but he quickly corrects himself to say she looks good. Like when he accidentally lets slip out that he thinks humans are smelly, and then he tries to make it up by saying he loves their folklore. He's very kind to Chell in chapter 5 when he's lighting the jumps for her, telling her to be careful, encouraging her. I haven't placed it completely to the right though, because he can be pretty mean, especially to easy targets and people he deems below him, like turrets and dead kids. I think this stems from being bullied himself, as well as needing to adopt a colder, harsher demeanor to survive in Aperture.

Disposition (Inwardly)

This depends on his stage in life. Inwardly, I believe he's a kinder person. He wants to be kind, he's naturally disposed to be kind, to allow for second and third chances when someone does him wrong, to give people the benefit of the doubt... but life in Aperture has kind of taken a bit of that from him.

Stubborness

Wheatley is pretty stubborn. He doesn't like being proved wrong, and he's adamant that he knows best. Probably because he sees it as an attack to his intellect, or proof that he's really just an Intelligence Dampening Sphere, if someone knows something better than him. I think this changes after space.

Courage

Wheatley is insanely courageous. Even though he does complain, and shows cowardice sometimes, he doesn't act on it, and instead he pushes on. He, a helpless, limbless little robot, faces the terrifying tyrant of Aperture after waking up the sixth test subject, having failed five times already yet holding on to courage and hope. He almost dies because of GLaDOS, but comes back for Chell, continuing his plan to escape together, even though the emergency has lifted, and to face off with GLaDOS once again, knowing fully well they're likely to die in the process. Wheatley is a very scared individual. A lot of things terrify him, and the odds are stacked against him. Yet he always pushes on. He doesn't give up.

Obedience

He's pretty rebellious. I mean, he goes against the authority of Aperture, GLaDOS. What more can I say. I guess I'll say that he's only rebellious once he feels he has a chance of succeeding. He only goes against GLaDOS when he feels he could win. Otherwise he keeps a low profile, trying to not get killed, but not necessarily agreeing with the authorities.

Attitude

He's outwardly pretty optimistic, and I do think he tries to trick himself to feel optimistic, when he's really a pessimist. He always thinks the worst is gonna happen, and he's just pretty negative actually. But he tries to fake it till he makes it, as you say. He wants to be optimistic, so he fakes it.

Emotional Openness

I've placed him in the middle because he can be an open book—if he wants to be. He speaks very freely, and oftentimes you understand where he's at emotionally... except you won't understand the full scope of it, because he doesn't let some things show. He deliberately keeps some of his emotions well hidden and guarded. We don't know that he actually feels really betrayed and hurt by Chell having failed to catch him until the end of the game when he's having a mental breakdown and can't be bothered to keep it all in anymore. He doesn't let show that he's attempted to escape five times before and failed, probably becoming progressively more discouraged but still pushing on, until also the end of the game during his mental breakdown. When he's decided they're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So, he is an open book when he wishes to be, when he has no reason to hide his feelings... but his deeper, messier feelings? They're buried deep underneath and don't see the light of day.

Friendliness

He tries to be pretty friendly. I think this is basically the same as Disposition (Outwardly).

Affection

He craves affection, I think. He would probably love cuddling. But I also think it would take a lot for him to get to the point where he's comfortable with such displays of affection, because he's lived his life without any at all and wouldn't know how to react to it.

Perceptiveness (Of others)

This one was also difficult to place, because while I do think he's pretty perceptive, he intentionally blinds himself to people's true intentions. It's tied to his tendency to fake optimism, practicing denial, and giving people the benefit of the doubt. Even if people lie to him, laugh at him, and mock him, he desperately wants to believe they're doing so in good humor, with him, with good intentions. He understands deep down that he's the butt of the joke, but he just wants to belong. I think he probably knew that Chell wasn't his enemy, and I think that's why he put away his worries after not being caught, because he thought of logical reasons for why that happened other than malice. Same with why she didn't warn him that she'd killed GLaDOS. He only acts on these suspicions when under the influence of the chassis, which takes away his ability to think rationally and amplifies his emotions.

Energy

He's pretty hyper. I do think he has ADHD, and hyperactivity is literally in the name. He has a lot of energy to spend, on talking, on walking, you name it.

Gender Appearance

This one is a little strange. I don't know how to measure "gender appearance" on a scale. As a core, he has no gender appearance, as a human, well, idk. He's male? I guess he looks male too, instead of looking female or androgynous.

Romantic

I think, when he gets to the point that he can comfortably show and receive affection, he would probably try being a bit romantic sometimes, but mostly he would just have no idea how to go about it.

Height

So, as a core, obviously small. As a human, though, I headcanon him as tall. Very tall. But I can see him being either very short or very tall, no in-between. Either way, his height is an insecurity for him. Either he feels he's smaller than everyone else, tiny and insignificant. Or, as a tall human, after the whole ordeal in Aperture, he feels that he's entirely too tall, and he doesn't like how it draws other people's attention to him, or how last time he was huge it ended disastrously. I like thinking he hunches over apologetically, trying to make himself smaller. Curling up into a ball when he's sleeping.

Honesty

Also hard to place. He can be very honest and blunt about a lot of things, but he can also lie lie lie. He does both, but I think perhaps he lies more than he tells the truth.

Manners

He can be polite, but oftentimes he accidentally forgets his manners and is just plain rude.

Independence

As a core, he's pretty dependent on others because of his lack of limbs, but for his disadvatages, he is pretty independent. As a human I think he would be pretty dependent, more so than as a core, because he's in uncharted territory and would need a lot of help to navigate it.

Opinions

He's pretty strongly opinionated. He likes giving his opinion on things. He dislikes having his opinion challenged.

Ambition

From the day he was given his purpose, he probably set out to prove that he can be and do so much more. He wants to succeed. He wants to do big things. He's very ambitious. He loses this after space. He loses a lot of things after space.

Moral Alignment

He's pretty morally gray, I would say, but leaning towards good.

Selfishness

He's pretty selfish. He mostly thinks about himself, and what's good for him, but I think that's a result of adapting to Aperture. He's not entirely selfish, since he comes back for Chell. The reason could be seen as selfish if you only see it as him trying to keep a potential friend like he's always wanted, but I don't think you'd go as far as almost certain death for that. I think he did care for Chell.

Stress

He's constantly stressed and worried.

Self-Admiration

He hates himself. He acts as if he doesn't, outwardly, but he does. Every person he's ever known has seen him as a stupid, annoying moron without any worth. He started internalizing it, believing it. He tries to prove to himself that he's not stupid and worthless, but post-Aperture he probably hates himself the most he ever has.

Wealth

From where would he have money? He's poor, either as a core or as a human.

Humor

This is subjective, I suppose, but he's pretty funny. Except he has to not try. If he tries to be funny he'll only sabotage his efforts.

Control

He's pretty bossy in the game, but I think this is because it's a necessity. He knows Aperture, he has a plan, Chell doesn't talk. He even tells Chell he's the boss after the betrayal. But I think this is because he wants to make up for being bossed around by everyone in his past. I also think he wanted to be the boss post-betrayal because all hope he had in befriending Chell was lost, and the next best thing he settled for was to gain respect by being the boss. By not being tiny and insignificant anymore. Having people listen to him and take him seriously. I don't think he'd be as bossy post-Aperture.

Manipulative

He's not really manipulative. He'll tell you what he wants from you. I think he can manipulate though, the four-but-actually-five-part plan is proof of that. He does try to use reverse psychology several times which I think is a form of manipulation, but he doesn't do so skillfully. All of this happens during the final confrontation, so I think he's just throwing things against a wall to see what sticks at that point, which is why the execution is flawed. Anyway, he doesn't really manipulate in normal circumstances.

Empathy / Tact

He's not very empathetic. He's grown kind of uncaring of others during his years in Aperture. I don't think he was always like that, I think he has the potential to be very empathetic and considerate, as he's shown to be in chapter 5, but Aperture has kind of dulled this quality of his. I think it was a coping mechanism, to not get attached to anything or feel for anything because they don't want anything to do with him anyway. So he's just sparing himself from getting hurt. Why should he care about people if people don't care about him?

Creativity

He's very creative. He always comes up with tons of ideas of every kind. Good, bad, outlandish, etc. I didn't give him full creativity because he's not very creative regarding password hacking haha.

Curiosity

He can be pretty curious, but he can also be completely uninterested, it depends. I think he would be curious if the situation allows for it, which it didn't really in Aperture. Curiosity never rewards you there, it kills you. The best example of Wheatley acting uninterested is with the oracle turret in the tube. He just wants to keep moving and not stop to see what that's about. Also, I think he'd be somewhat scared of showing curiosity because it means you don't know something and want to learn. He doesn't want to appear stupid.

Playfulness

He's pretty playful. He likes fantasizing and roleplaying. He likes turning a tense situation around by making jokes and telling spooky stories or other lighthearted stories or singing about what he's doing. I don't think he likes being too serious, but he can be.

Neatness

I think he'd be pretty sloppy. He is so as a core. He doesn't really do neat and tidy.

Sexuality

He's pretty innocent. As a core, I don't think he ever felt sexual desires or anything similar. It's not that I think he was incapable of it, just that he didn't experience it. As a human post-Aperture, I think his lack of experience in the matter has just made him unaware or uninterested in sexual pleasures, at least in the beginning. Later on I think it'd get kind of complicated. I don't think he'd feel as if he deserves to receive pleasure of any kind and feel good after what he did and after what happened last time he chased a good feeling. I just think he'd have a low libido, and if he does feel aroused, or engage in sexual activities, I think he'd be pretty innocent about it.

Ruled by...

Emotion, definitely, all the way. He thinks with his feelings. He can think with his brain as well, but he's ruled by emotions.

———

Anyway, my fingers are falling off and I really shouldn't make this post longer than it is. Wheatley's too fun to talk about, I just think he's neat.

[yvmoveon]

In all honesty, I love my family but I also can’t stand them. The way they bash me for being who I am is crazy. As if I’m a horrible person. Gaslighting, bullying, and everything. It’s crazy. Last year, I wasn’t as close to my dad. But now? The only person who doesn’t wanna change me … Who accepts me for who I am… is my dad and that’s crazy cause we weren’t in amazing standing these past few years but i guess he was just sick for a long time and we didn’t realize?

Some of my family members have said the most harsh things just because I choose to follow my own path. I do good. Im a good person. I’m just different than them. And they make it seem like it’s a crime to be who I am. I’m so tired of it. Because I know I am a good person. I’ve done good to people. I have a good career. I treat people kindly.

Yet I always feel alone when I’m with them forreal. Ive talked about this with my therapist about creating these boundaries and every time I do, the insults the gaslighting the conversations just become so mean spirited. Things said that can’t be taken back. Things that get cemented in my mind.

Their energy is also affecting my mental and physical health atp.

But this also teaching me and making me realize what I want when I do start my own family. I want a healthy relationship with my kids and husband. I want us to be able to openly express our love and feelings. I want my kids to feel heard and understood and respected.

Im just going to turn these tears into positive instead of sulking. This treatment is making me learn who I don’t wanna be. I literally have distanced myself from them even though we stay in the same household because of how negative they are.

And if one day they never see me again, they shouldn’t be surprised cause I really tried my hardest. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[idontlikeem]

i have some hockey-related asks, i'm going to try to get to them tomorrow. sorry guys, been a bad mental health weekend for me.

i thought maybe writing about it would help, so that's under the cut, but i'm discussing mental health stuff and a bit of food stuff so please don't click and read if you're sensitive to that, and even if you're not don't feel any obligation to click and read lol i just am complaining mostly.

as someone who's had mild clinical depression and moderate generalized anxiety for basically my whole life, it's kind of...shocking to me to sometimes pull my head up and look around and see just how badly i'm being affected by acute situational depression.

it has a different flavor and a different feel. i'm familiar with the struggle to motivate, the lack of desire to get tasks i find unpleasant done even when i know i have to do them, and the occasional bouts of like...idk just Existential Sad. i've always had that, and i've always been able to sort of stiff-upper-lip my way through it and come out feeling better after a few hours or days of feeling not so great.

this? jesus christ.

i cannot make myself get out of bed in the mornings more than a few minutes before i have to log on for work. i lose time during the work day just staring into space. i haven't taken my dog for a long walk in weeks (now part of that is due to the very extreme weather and now my fucked-up knee, but if those things hadn't happened i cannot with confidence say i'd be out there with her). i lie down and just want to...stay there.

i've always been a comfort/stress-eater. i've struggled with my weight for always, not exactly helped along with my mom's absolutely awful approach to body image and like. idk just general care and maintenance of a teenage girl's weight, this is all stuff i don't even want to get into lol, but suffice to say that i am not at my healthiest physical self and have for years sort of made myself feel better with little snacks. but now? i don't eat all day and it's like i can feel that i'm hungry, i understand that the reason my stomach hurts is because it's 4:45 pm and i haven't had anything but coffee today, but i cannot get myself to get up and go downstairs and have something. i bought protein shakes and those have been getting me through the really bad days, but even though they're the brand and flavor i like best when i'm training for long runs (koia vanilla bean and chocolate brownie btw if anyone needs recommendations), they taste like chalk and i have to force them down.

the insidious part is i think i'm doing ok. i get through a work day and maybe, like, do the dishes and say 'hey! look at me, being independent. i'm doing just fine'. and then i walk past the giant pile of stuff i've ordered to try and make myself feel better and haven't even opened. there's a pile of boxes downstairs that i cannot motivate myself to open. i go past it and i go upstairs and i lie down and that's it. the whole afternoon and evening passes and i just stare at my phone trying to keep my mind blank because if i don't i start crying and can't stop.

you can find articles out there that outside of the literal death of a spouse or child, divorce is one of the most stressful events a person can go through. and i fucking believe it. i have never felt this bad for this long in my whole entire life.

i hate feeling like this and it's been worse this weekend than since this whole fucking thing started, i think, and it's so DUMB because we actually got some good news with my mom (along with some bad but that's end-stage cancer for you), so you'd think that would pick me up and help me? you'd think i could have used these days to do some of the things i need to do, like actually putting my clothes in the dresser i finally bought? but no. i've spent basically since friday night getting out of my bed long enough to take daisy to do her business when she needs to go and use the bathroom myself, and that's...it, basically.

this is so stupid. there are so many worse things in life than this, so many people who are going through really bad shit, but all i can do is sit here and thing about how fucking worthless and thrown-away i feel. how pointless. like i'm a piece of trash that just can be discarded when someone's done using it up.

i don't even miss him. right? like i don't. he was bad for me. but holy shit.

[significant-ace-nnoyance]

even though the weird ass side hug from mike wheeler at the start of s4 hurt my hEART, i would like to point out that it was as a huge win for byler

if you watch that scene through the lens of mike = heterosexual, it genuinely makes no sense. here is this “straight” guy reuniting with his childhood best friend after not seeing him for a YEAR and he… awkwardly side-steps his hug? seems immediately put out and annoyed? shows no sign of excitement or joy at all?? and he genuinely looks as if he is intentionally putting on a mask of indifference and slight annoyance during their interaction

and consider that will has literally not done anything wrong at that point - my boy has barely said a word. his response to seeing mike is perfectly reasonable for a friend! and from straight-mike’s perspective, there should be no reason to immediately seem uncomfortable and hostile

as a viewer the first time around, it seems like mike must have some beef with will about something that happened before this interaction, and so it’s easy to write this away as something that will be explained later, since we the viewers are obviously missing a piece of the puzzle

except

IT DOESNT GET EXPLAINED

sure will and mike argue about will “moping and ruining the day” (👀 okay mike) but there is no explicit further discussion or explanation as to why mike acted this way before will did literally anything

it makes no sense.

unless… you watch this scene through the lens of mike being queer

if mike is queer and had feelings for will in the past, this year apart has probably caused him to super repress those feelings and try to forget about them

thus, reuniting with will is probably really scary for mike as he obviously doesn’t want to have or confront those feelings due to his good ol’ ✨internalized homophobia✨

and so instead he goes into no homo damage control mode and becomes I Am Definitely StraightTM mike wheeler, completely overplaying heterosexuality by avoiding physical affection and attempting to not show any interest whatsoever in will

however, ofc most real straight people don’t act like this when reuniting w their best friend (i feel like even if mike were a super dude bro he would at least like do the high-five-smack-back-straight-dude-thing with will or show some sort of mild excitement) and so mikes behavior comes across really strange (and really 💅) to the audience

conclusion: we see you mike 👀

(and @the duffer brothers stop messing w my mental health please and thank you)

[theninthdoor]

can you do a love reading for the loona girls pleeeek or if it’s too much then just loosemble

(I still added Yves and Chuu because it felt wrong without them)

Vivi || the emperor, page of swords: There's someone in her life right now (an older person; potentially in the same field of work but in a more behind the scenes position). Their relationship isn't that serious and they're not thinking long term, in my opinion, but she trusts and respects this person a lot.

Yves || the sun, king of cups: She's dating someone who fills her heart with joy, love and optimism. They're definitely devoted to each other, even though I feel like they have been taking a lighthearted approach to everything.

Jinsoul || page of swords, three of swords: Jinsoul has recently broken up with someone. Even if they ended on good terms, gossip or something she found out later about them has now made her despise them quite a lot. So, whether the other person knows it or not, they're definitely not on good terms anymore.

Haseul || four of pentacles, four of wands: Haseul has been dealing with the same person for a good while now… I can't tell if they are just close friends or have dated on and off this whole time, but I just see them hanging out a lot and, at times, being super close and affectionate towards one another, and then being super awkward and cold at others.

Kim Lip || page of swords, six of pentacles: She has recently exchanged contacts with someone and is getting to know them. I think she made the first step after they catched her eye, but first she asked everybody around her what they knew about them (she did her research, basically lol).

Heejin || three of swords, five of cups rx: Heejin is still heartbroken over someone. Although she has accepted that it's over for them and there's no chance of them ever reconciling, it affected her deeply, way beyond her love life, and that wound is taking a longer time to heal.

Hyunjin || wheel of fortune, queen of pentacles: She's single and not pursuing anyone, but is open to giving a chance to whoever comes into her life next. Hyunjin is working on manifesting a balanced and well grounded relationship.

Go Won || three of swords, ten of pentacles: There's a certain someone that she has already imagined a long life with, but things just haven't panned out the way she wanted. Even though I don't think she's ready to give up on it just yet, her friends and family might soon start to make her reconsider this vision and connection.

Choerry || five of cups, five of wands: She lost her romantic interest to someone else, I believe. That's literally all I see here… The person she was into has chosen someone else over her and she's currently dealing with that disappointment.

Olivia Hye/Hyeju || two of cups, seven of cups rx: I see her dating but this energy is just very dry? Hyeju and her partner definitely have strong feelings for each other but I think they are finding it very hard to see a future for the relationship. They have hit a wall, in a way, and don't know what to do next. Love isn't enough to keep this going.

Yeojin || the magician, five of pentacles: Another member who's been trying to manifest her dream partner into her life. Yeojin is single, has no romantic interests as of right now, but is still wanting a relationship. Instead of going out to look for it, though, she's waiting for it to come to her.

Chuu || the high priestess, the empress: Chuu has plenty of options to choose from, and she might actually see strong potential in some of them, yet she's not taking any love offers. She's focused on her physical and mental health, building a solid foundation for her future and developing a strong relationship with herself.

(Disclaimer: Based on current energies. All readings are alleged and for entertainment purposes only.)