#every single time i struggle to do something and want advice they just tell me to do it. as if i couldn't have thought of that

[arielluva]

actually so funny (it isn't) that everytime i struggle to do something and i tell my parents about it they just respond with "you just have to do it." like. guys. if i could "just do it" i would NOT be complaining about not being able to do it!!

[burntoutdaydreamer]

Weird Brain Hacks That Help Me Write

I'm a consistently inconsistent writer/aspiring novelist, member of the burnt-out-gifted-kid-to-adult-ADHD-diagnosis-pipeline, recently unemployed overachiever, and person who's sick of hearing the conventional neurotypical advice to dealing with writer's block (i.e. "write every single day," or "there's no such thing as writer's block- if you're struggling to write, just write" Like F*CK THAT. Thank you, Brenda, why don't you go and tell someone with diabetes to just start producing more insulin?)

I've yet to get to a point in my life where I'm able to consistently write at the pace I want to, but I've come a long way from where I was a few years ago. In the past five years I've written two drafts of a 130,000 word fantasy novel (currently working on the third) and I'm about 50,000 words in on the sequel. I've hit a bit of a snag recently, but now that I've suddenly got a lot of time on my hands, I'm hoping to revamp things and return to the basics that have gotten me to this point and I thought I might share.

1) My first draft stays between me and God

I find that I and a lot of other writers unfortunately have gotten it into our heads that first drafts are supposed to resemble the finished product and that revisions are only for fixing minor mistakes. Therefore, if our first draft sucks that must mean we suck as writers and having to rewrite things from scratch means that means our first draft is a failure.

I'm here to say that is one of the most detrimental mentalities you can have as a writer.

Ever try drawing a circle? You know how when you try to free-hand draw a perfect circle in one go, it never turns out right? Whereas if you scribble, say, ten circles on top of one another really quickly and then erase the messy lines until it looks like you drew a circle with a singular line, it ends up looking pretty decent?

Yeah. That's what the drafting process is.

Your first draft is supposed to suck. I don't care who you are, but you're never going to write a perfect first draft, especially if you're inexperienced. The purpose of the first draft is to lay down a semi-workable foundation. A really loose, messy sketch if you will. Get it all down on paper, even if it turns out to be the most cliche, cringe-inducing writing you've ever done. You can work out those kinks in the later drafts. The hardest part of the first draft is the most crucial part: getting started. Don't stress yourself out and make it even harder than it already is.

If that means making a promise to yourself that no one other than you will ever read your first draft unless it's over your cold, dead body, so be it.

2) Tell perfectionism to screw off by writing with a pen

I used to exclusively write with pencil until I realized I was spending more time erasing instead of writing.

Writing with a pen keeps me from editing while I right. Like, sometimes I'll have to cross something out or make notes in the margins, but unlike erasing and rewriting, this leaves the page looking like a disaster zone and that's a good thing.

If my writing looks like a complete mess on paper, that helps me move past the perfectionist paralysis and just focus on getting words down on the page. Somehow seeing a page full of chicken scratch makes me less worried about making my writing all perfect and pretty- and that helps me get on with my main goal of fleshing out ideas and getting words on a page.

3) It's okay to leave things blank when you can't think of the right word

My writing, especially my first draft, is often filled with ___ and .... and (insert name here) and red text that reads like stage directions because I can't think of what is supposed to go there or the correct way to write it.

I found it helps to treat my writing like I do multiple choice tests. Can't think of the right answer? Just skip it. Circle it, come back to it later, but don't let one tricky question stall you to the point where you run out of brain power or run out of time to answer the other questions.

If I'm on a role, I'm not gonna waste it by trying to remember that exact word that I need or figure out the right transition into the next scene or paragraph. I'm just going to leave it blank, mark to myself that I'll need to fix the problem later, and move on.

Trust me. This helps me sooooo much with staying on a roll.

4) Write Out of Order

This may not be for everyone, but it works wonders for me.

Sure, the story your writing may need to progress chronologically, but does that mean you need to write it chronologically? No. It just needs to be written.

I generally don't do this as much for editing, but for writing, so long as you're making progress, it doesn't matter if it's in the right order. Can't think of how to structure Chapter 2, but you have a pretty good idea of how your story's going to end? Write the ending then. You'll have to go back and write Chapter 2 eventually, but if you're feeling more motivated to write a completely different part of the book, who's to say you can't do that?

When I'm working on a project, I start off with a single document that I title "Scrap for (Project Title)" and then just write whatever comes to mind, in whatever order. Once I've gotten enough to work with, then I start outlining my plot and predicting how many chapters I'm going to need. Then, I create separate google docs for each individual chapter and work on them in whatever order I feel like, often leaving several partially complete as I jump from one to the other. Then, as each one gets finished, I copy and paste the chapter into the full manuscript document. This means that the official "draft" could have Chapters 1 and 9, but completely be missing Chapters 2-8, and that's fine. It's not like anyone will ever know once I finish it.

Sorry for the absurdly long post. Hopes this helps someone. Maybe I'll share more tricks in the future.

[kaylinalexanderbooks]

Attention Writers!!!

So many times I see "just write! Doesn't matter if it's bad! You can always revise!!"

And I get that. It's something that a lot of people struggle with; being perfect on the first go. It's true that you shouldn't stress yourself out with something being messy. First drafts are BY NATURE messy.

But NEVER

I repeat

NEVER

Force yourself to write when you can't

Putting impossible deadlines or goals on yourself will NOT HELP

Writing should be fun! If it's not fun, if it's not freeing, if it's stressful and taxing and doesn't feel worth it

Stop

And let that be okay.

You don't have to suffer for good art.

Allow yourself to take a break. Take care of yourself.

But that doesn't mean you can't work on it.

Do background research. Outline. Take a personality quiz for your characters. Try to draw your characters. Try to draw scenes. Focus on character building. Write side projects. Create mood boards. Do whatever you want.

Thinking about it counts as working on it!!!

The writing process is vast and non-linear. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you HAVE to write every single day.

You don't HAVE to.

It's true, you can always revise things you don't like.

But it's also true that the writing process is more than just writing

While the first piece of advice always comes from the best of intentions, I've seen so many writers sink into bouts of depression, anxiety, terror, and low self worth because they missed their goal, they haven't written, they've run out of steam, they lack motivation.

And it saddens me every time.

Writers, take care of yourself.

Remember thinking about it counts as working on it

Approach your craft with love

Have fun writing

~Kaylin

[aibloomie]

”if you hold me without hurting me. . .”

01. pairing — nagito komaeda x gn!reader

02. synopsis — fluff headcanons on how nagito would react when you comfort him, and headcanons on how he’d comfort you !!

03. note — this is a repost from an old blog i used to have prior to deactivating it (@/au-clover) !! the remake of the nagito edit reminded me so <33 i might repost the fluff alphabet next, not too sure though. uhh excuse any typos WOO

comforting you

— nagito would most likely struggle a bit at first since he has never really gotten any comfort whenever he was going through something, but you’re precious to him and so he’ll try his best to learn and figure out how to help you in your times of need. he already knows when you’re in a bad mood due to him being an observant person, but he won’t bring it up unless you do since he doesn’t think he’s worthy of comforting you. he worries maybe you’d view him as annoying for prying into your business. once you decide to tell him what the problem is though then he’d immediately try to help you

— in a way, comforting you makes him very happy, he hates seeing you upset, but you’re relying on him and he’s never really been needed by anyone. he’s able to help you out, ht person he cherishes the most, you’ve made him so happy, and he’s grateful for the opportunities where he can give back and uplift your mood

— he’s an amazing listener, so if you’re not seeking advice and just want to rant, then he’s perfect for that. he’s also really attentive and will take in every word you say, nodding his head or doing some sort of gesture so you know he’s not distracted

— words of encouragement are something he always provides for you, but if you’re going through a hard time then they’d only increase tenfold. he knows words don’t always fix everything but he’s very good at speaking and getting his point across. compliments and motivational words would spill endlessly from his mouth

— he’s aware that being told things such as “it’ll get better” isn’t that effective, so instead of talking about the situation he just takes the time to admire your strength for dealing with whatever you’re struggling with, he’s rooting you on and he knows you can overcome anything, you’re his precious hope after all

— if you want to distract yourself for a while, then he’s up for that too. he’ll do anything you want, whether it be cuddling or going out and having fun

comforting him

— nagito will appreciate any effort you put in towards comforting him. sometimes you can’t really tell when he’s upset since he’s practically smiling the majority of the time. however, he usually goes silent for a while or he distances himself from you since he’s caught up in his own thoughts, and that’s pretty much your cue to go and help him. he’d probably say something along the lines of: “you’re worrying for someone like me? you really are an angel!”

— after a day full of misfortune, he looks forward to the future since he knows his luck will balance out and therefore good things will happen. that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t upset him at times though, especially when his luck ends up affecting you negatively. during times like these, his self depreciation will only increase and it would help him a lot if you gave him some reassurance: pull him into your arms and tell him you’ll never leave him, and that you accept every single part of him. brush his hair aside and kiss his face too, he’ll be flustered but god he’ll feel so loved

— sometimes he’ll just want to rant about everything that happened throughout his day in detail as he rests his head on your lap and you play with his hair. of course, he’d never ask for that so it would be up to you to initiate the conversation. he also gets in low spirits when others don’t understand his views on hope, a lot of people call him annoying and crazy for that. so if you listen to him talk about it, it would really help him

— when he talks about his past, he usually does it with a smile. he sounds really happy despite all the devastating things that happened. so if you start comforting him, he’ll be really confused, and he’ll apologize for making you worry. deep inside though, he’s grateful you're so kind to him. if you hug him when he’s talking about it, everything will hit him at once and he’ll end up crying, which is very much needed since he just brushes everything aside to cope

[gemapples]

im so sorry it took me so long to answer these oml but YES i'd be happy to show how i draw and color :)

— SKETCHING

please note that i almost always sketch traditionally first lol it's just a lot easier for me to determine how the drawing is placed that way, but i always go over and re-sketch it digitally

for magolor i always start with a basic egg shape (lmao) and then i add his ears. then I draw the scarf; it's easy to determine the shape and dynamicism based on where the bottoms of the ears are located

then i usually add the cape and hood together. where and how these are placed and what these look like in general are very important because they're the main area that perspective is directed to (the ears and everything else is important too ofc!! but the hood and cape usually help demonstrate where he is looking and how he is moving the most). then i add everything else, usually his hands last!

— LINEART

ohhhhhh god my worst enemy. Hope youre sitting down because this will be embarrassing LMAO

lineart is easily what i struggle with most and is more often than not the most time consuming and grating step for me. If i had a choice i would drop it in a heartbeat, but my style is so dependent on thick lines and shapes that it's difficult to 😭 a hole i dug myself into unfortunately ITS FINE THOUGH. ANYWAYS I'm getting sidetracked

i use my finger to draw all my digital art, which means i usually have to use a Heavy stabilizer to avoid shakiness and staggered lines. Unfortunately ibis paint's stabilizer is actually dog water and doesn't even stabilize more than half the time (in which case i have to repeat lines over. And over. And over again until i get it right) but when it does like me and works properly it's very helpful!

i always use the soft school pen bleed brush as my main tool for lineart. This brush has been my best friend for everything, i even use it for sketching idk it just really like the way it looks lol. sometimes i change the aspect if i want the lines to look more ,, chalky?? or smoother depending on the work

i don't really use this tool much but for this specific piece, force fade was my partner in crime

also i think i need to mention that i use so many layers for this. So many layers lol like to the point it's embarrassing. and at the end i merge most of them (except for the gear patterns, rings on his ear, and eyes + hands, which usually need to be by themselves as they're colored separately) Thank you for layers

and i end up with this!

— COLORING && SHADING

yippee yahoo the fun part !!! the part that i love the most

at this point, if i havent already, i always create a folder for convenience in organization because this is the part that i stress the most about what details are on which layers lmao

then i add ANOTHER layer below that for the color, then i put every single color used on their own separate layer!

now, for shading, if im working on larger pieces with more complex shading, i'll usually plan it all out. normally when just drawing magolor, i don't really need to do this anymore because i'm so used to it lol, but for funsies i did it here anyways

then i use the bucket tool to fill them all in

i usually have a set color palette for all the characters i draw (though the way i shade white differs. A lot between my work as you can probably tell fhdfgf). For every color, i have two specific tones that are associated with the shading. for example, indigo + violet are shaded with my blue, pink + light orange (or lighter pink depending on my mood lol) are shaded with yellow, etc.

so, i shade the other areas with the 2nd shading color

a big tip i can give for coloring is to look at a color wheel when you draw. i know that sounds like. Such basic advice LMAO but that seriously was a huge help for me when developing my shading and something i learned while studying — if you notice, in all of the shading in my work, all of the colors used are analogous on the color wheel. note that not ALL combinations will work together like others obv !! but it's a huge step in knowing where to go with it

then i add other extra details like extra lighting, halftones (if i feel like it // if it fits the work), glow to his eyes, and color the lines and ta-da!

another tool i use a lot especially with my more recent art are blending modes, especially multiply. i use a clipping layer to add a dark color (usually a dark blue or purple) and set it to multiply, then erase the areas that emit light

and this is the end result! this is a very very basic demonstration of it fhdjg i was a pretty messy with the lighting and erasing in this example but you get the general idea right

and that's how i draw :) i hope this was helpful, and thanks for asking and being so patient with the response!

[bogkeep]

grousing about ai art stuff

every time i open twitter (my mistake) there's a new thread on how to spot ai art or ai photos by finding all the mistakes in it, and like obviously this is useful and it's good to watch out because they kEEP SHOWING UP EVERYWHERE AHHH HELL WORLD HELL WORLD, but it's also a little depressing that we're training ourselves to nitpick all kinds of details within a piece of art.

like even before the artifically generated image boom randos on twitter would reply to fully finished illustrations with the most asinine unsolicited advice possible. art's gonna be flawed sometimes! i'll draw someone in a weird pose because of vibes! i'll wing a hand! i don't fucking know what a house actually looks like!!! like yes of course the way a human artist creates flawed art is different from the way an algorithm doesn't actually know what anything looks like because it has no mind. it doesn't know shit. so it's not that it's UNRELIABLE but it's like. it's like... i've been telling myself and others every time i'm struggling to make something look Just Right that actually nobody i going to be staring as hard at my art as i am while making it. if i don't point it out people aren't likely to notice unless they are going through it with a fine toothed comb BUT NOW WE ARE DOING THAT APPARENTLY. WHICH IS ANYONE'S PEROGATIVE AND FAIR ENOUGH! PEOPLE CAN LOOK AT MY ART HOWEVER THEY WANT IT'S FINE

but it's ALSO so depressing to consider having to analyse every single piece of art you come across like that my goddddddd i just wanna enjoy it!! i wanna enjoy art!!!! i mean the main reason i finally stopped going on twitter regularly was during the NFT boom and i got so tired of having to vet every single artist i came across to make sure i wasnt retweeting nft stuff. like that really ruined my previously enjoyable experience of LOOKING AT NICE ART ON MY FEED WITHOUT PSYCHOLOGICAL WARFARE.

god another thing that happened during the dark nft times was how certain art styles tended to be nfts. and i don't mean the ugly apes and stuff, like of course there's those, but there were a lot of artists who sold their souls to crypto and there was just a certain Vibe to a lot of those styles. like i got a sixth sense for it, i would see a piece of art by an unknown artists and when i checked - yep, that was a crypto guy now. and you know what!!!! i hated that!!!! i hate that it ruined entire art styles for me!! AND NOW ARTIFICIALLY GENERATED IMAGES ARE DOING THE SAME!!!!! like what tends to tip me off is less because i spotted some wonky hand or a weird flap but because the style is a popular one for the ai bros to imitate. you know what i mean right!!!!!! it's kind of how the ai photos look a bit too clean and crisp and smooth in an unsettling way. it just pings the brain a bit.

ULTIMATELY the absolute main method i have for filtering away ai images isn't so much looking for mistakes, but by checking sources. it's the same way i check that i'm not reblogging from reposting accounts Because That's A Thing I Care About Too - if there's no description or the description seems off and i don't recognise the OP, i check the original post/blog to see what's up. if the image gives me a weird vibe, i check where it comes from and who posted it. oftentimes the comments on posts with ai images will point it out - they're not always accurate and there's definitely been times where people are a little too trigger happy to accuse art of being AI... but it can be a good lead or confirm suspicions. on one hand, i don't want to do detective work while im having chill scrolling time, but on the other hand - i already had this habit for other reasons, so it's less disruptive to me than the alternative. it also helps that it's very rare for ai shit to turn up in my tumblr feed. i don't want to keep looking over my shoulder!!

(also for anyone who wants a little bit of optimism in the middle of all this, here's an episode of Better Offline podcast that outlines how it's very unlikely for generative ai to actually get much better. here's the part two also.)

[ivrousae]

☆ Sleep well

Having a hard time? Well, your boyfriend Hanbin is always there for you!! But a piece of advice; listen to him when he tries to help.

- Genre: comfort, angst, fluff

- Pairings: shanbin x fem!reader

- Warnings: cursing, the reader got a little mean towards Hanbin (he’ll teach her some manners dw❤️)

You rested your head on your arms, sitting down in the dining room all frustrated ever since you came home from work. There are a lot of different emotions piled up in you at that moment, you were mad, frustrated, sad, disappointed, and annoyed.

On the other hand, your boyfriend has been observing you ever since you stepped foot in the house, noticing your mood being down rather than the other times. Obviously, he knew something was wrong, and he tried to ask you a few times, but there was no answer delivered from you. But as your head was lying on your arms that were resting on the kitchen counter, You felt someone tapping on your shoulder. When you lifted your head, you saw Hanbin, placing a cup of tea on the table.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” he asked softly, “It’s nothing” You sighed “Is it about work?” “Well, yeah” “Do you want to tell me-” “It’s none of your business really” You cut him off, raising your voice due to frustration, “Hey, is it that bad? It’s rare for you to act like this” he sighed, trying to figure out the thing that has been bothering you, “If you’re struggling so much, you know I-” “Hanbin, stop” You cut off your boyfriend for the nth of time.

It’s not like you want to shout at your boyfriend who was just trying to help, in fact, you needed someone to listen to you, but all those built-up emotions inside you are holding you back from saying a single word without crying, making it hard for you to express yourself to your boyfriend. “Stop talking to me when I’m like this, I’m seriously so mad right now, I just need some time to think, It’s so annoying that you’re always so-” “Babe.” Your voice raised with each and every word that came out of your mouth, but Hanbin’s stern voice stopped you from continuing your sentence, “I know you’re mad right now, but I need you to listen” he continues, his tone was still as stern as before “So can I have my turn to speak?” he raised an eyebrow, earning a signal from you to speak.

“I know the kind of person you are, and you like to keep things to yourself, but at this point, you’re just hurting yourself babe, I mean, look, do you think I don’t notice how much you’ve been struggling these days? You haven’t gotten any good sleep babe, It hurts me to see you like this.” he sighed, sitting down on the chair beside you “Of course you can keep some things to yourself, I’m no one to know about each and everything that you keep, but sometimes you act like I’m not even an option to rant out to. I’m your boyfriend, and one of the most important things I have to do for you is just to listen to you, so let me do that, okay?” he spoke out, his tone softening more and more, speaking to you while his eyes looked at you with so much sincerity.

When you heard his voice as he said those words, your tears couldn’t hold themselves anymore, as they just came straight down from your eyes. When Hanbin saw you tear up, he immediately opened his arms for you, wrapping his arms around your body tightly, “I’m sorry bin” you cried as you buried your face in his chest “It’s fine, You’re fine babe, I’m not mad at you” he smiled, patting your head softly while comforting you, “Let’s sleep, it’s getting late, we can do your work tomorrow, yeah?” he chuckled, his dimples showing, “Sounds like a plan” You yawn, smiling back at Hanbin before earning a quick kiss on the lips.

[theshiftingcafe]

⇢ ˗ˏˋ shifting pick a pile ✧˖°࿐ ꒰"what do i need to hear right now?"꒱

hello! welcome to the shifting cafe!

for today's session, we'll be tackling about what exactly you need to hear right now in regard to shifting. basically, some simple advice.

i know a lot of you must be currently struggling with your shifting journey, so, i hope this simple pick a pile brings you comfort and leaves you with at least a little bit of clarity

REMEMBER: TAKE WHAT REASONATES, LEAVE WHAT DOESNT

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵

pick from at least one of these pictures:

∘₊✧───────────── pile 1 ─────────────✧₊∘

how have you been doing, pile one? the cards tell me that you’ve really been disappointed lately. not just with where you are in your shifting journey, but also especially with yourself. i’m getting the vibe that most of you haven’t exactly shifted yet, and you’re already getting so frustrated with it. sometimes, you start thinking to yourself if this was really meant to be for you, or if everything is just meant to hurt you over and over again.

the cards reassure you that all your hardwork will eventually pay off. all those restless nights, all those disappointments, all those frustrations, all those negative responses, will all be worth it in the end. you have such a strong determination and perseverance within you. even if you don’t realize it, you do! you’re willing to put up with anything and give as much, if not more than, the effort needed. and incase no one has told you yet, i am so so proud of you for it.

you’re going to, or currently going through, the end of an era. you’re leaving behind what no longer serves you and mourning all the losses you have experienced. change can’t be avoided, and change is necessary. so don’t be afraid. everyone goes through their own changes. no matter how small or big it is, every single one of us progresses forward one step at a time. perhaps the card is telling you to change something about yourself for your shifting journey. whether it be something simple like a method, or something bigger like your mindset or beliefs, remember to face it with courage and grace. also remember to be patient with yourself. make mistakes, have trials and errors, but never ever look down on yourself for them.

being fearful of shifting is completely understandable. but never let that fear swallow you into oblivion. you’re letting your emotions get the better of you and it’s slowly taking over the magic of how you view shifting. being overwhelmed with your emotions is perfectly normal, especially towards such a skill, but don’t let it get the better of your beliefs and judgment.

you’re definitely very committed to your journey, yet want to share your experiences with everyone else. maybe looking for a community like it perhaps? you’ve been thinking about it for a while now because it could benefit you as well like boost your belief and motivation in shifting. whatever it is, do whatever is necessary to bring your dreams and desires into fruition. because in the end, best believe you will succeed.

•------------------------------------------------------------•

that is all pile 1! thank you so much for stopping by the shifting cafe and spending this session with me. i hope to see you all again soon. happy shifting!

•------------------------------------------------------------•

∘₊✧───────────── pile 2 ─────────────✧₊∘

one word for this pile: early shifttok?

i feel like some of you reading this pile have discovered shifting through early shifttok and have consumed misinformation or are currently consuming misinformation without realizing it. you continue to look at shifting as this strict belief with certain rules that you can never break out of or have to follow 24/7 when really, you don’t. shifting isn’t some calculated experience where you have to be a certain person to shift. at the end of the day, as scary as it is, it’s you who makes yourself shift. not some random person on tiktok who claims to be an “all knower” of shifting, because honestly, shifting is still a big mystery to everyone. and i mean everyone. even me. so don’t be afraid to do anything out of the norm–or at least, out of the norm for shifttok. do a method differently, have a different outlook on shifting, whatever! it’s your journey, so why would you let other people influence it. there’s a big difference between considering suggestions and strictly following a single piece of advice. be wary which one you’re doing from tim to time, or else, you wont grow into your full potential.

you’re slowly losing your love for shifting, and i’m so sorry you feel that way. genuinely. you feel like you haven’t really gotten anywhere this whole time and you feel like you’ve just wasted your time and energy on everything. you’re finding it so hard to feel anything for shifting. no joy, no inspiration, not even sadness or frustration. just an empty hollow bittersweet feeling. you don’t feel any connection with your dr or shifting in general anymore and you’re ready to leave it all behind.

not a lot of people advise this, but personally, part of shifting to another physical body is also taking care of your current one. learn to appreciate simple everyday details of life. if you feel like you’re having a hard time doing so, start with something small like appreciating your meal or appreciating yourself for taking care of, well, yourself. if you’re having a hard time manifesting, start with something small like a penny on the floor or seeing a sticker on the wall. If you’re having a hard time connecting yourself with your dr, do mundane things like cleaning or brushing your hair and think about how you do this in your dr too. learn to live in the real world because this is exactly how you’re going to feel in your dr. it’s just as real as your current reality, and not some fantasy world where everything will go your way.

everythings not always going to end up right in your dr. you’re gonna knock a glass over and spill some milk, but the important part is calming down and cleaning the mess instead of freaking out and thinking you’re going to spill everything you touch. sit down for a second and realize that making a mistake is not a bad thing. it’s not your fault. it was never your fault. you made a mistake, you failed, you lost, and that’s perfectly ok. whats not ok is beating yourself up for it everyday instead of moving on or even learning from it and growing into a better person. the cards suggest turning to a spiritual path and slowly let go of your materialism. maybe a bit of shadow work would help?

sometimes, situations you plan for workout. sometimes, they don’t. but that isn’t a sign for you to just give up and punish yourself for something that you rarely ever have control of. life and shifting isn’t just a one chance moment and you aren’t just a one time wonder. there will be moments where you know exactly where you want to go, and either eventually succeed or eventually have a “try again” moment. other times, you will be wandering around aimlessly and uncertain about where you’re headed. you expect to then fail, right? but what if you succeed? what if you emit from the darkness and finally find light? because life will just forever be full of “what if”s, but it’s up to you whether you take the risk or not.

there’s absolutely no harm in trying as long as you’re ready to fail and reflect on it, and of course, be gentle and patient with yourself.

•------------------------------------------------------------•

that is all pile 2! thank you so much for stopping by the shifting cafe and spending this session with me. i hope to see you all again soon. happy shifting!

•------------------------------------------------------------•

∘₊✧───────────── pile 3 ─────────────✧₊∘

if you ended up on this pile, you must be someone who’s very curious. asking about anything and everything all of the time. but let me ask you this: have you ever questioned yourself? i can see you investing your physical and emotional energy into shifting, yet you feel like you’re not getting anything in return. have you checked up on yourself lately? you have so much potential within you, yet you refuse to do a double take and realize that less is more. you don’t have to over consume on materialistic things in the 3d plane because that’s only leading you to stay here enjoying watching whatever that is rather than in your dr where you could enjoy it in real time.

the cards tell me that you’re scared of something. perhaps your dr, your future there, or shifting in general. what are you so afraid of? Perhaps this fear is coming from past repressed issues that you just can’t shake off and continue to haunt you till this day. they remind you to not be afraid to ask for guidance and assistance. talk to someone about it, console to someone about your fears, and so much more. remember to put your own wellbeing first rather than your priorities because you wouldn’t be able to focus on these if you still have dark lingering thoughts at the back of your head.

you’re gonna have to step out of your comfort zone and make changes not only with your routine but also with yourself. i’m sure you don’t feel confident with yourself right now as you have recently been facing so many delays and disappointments, but i promise you, you’ll be alright. stop beating yourself up and thinking you don’t deserve good things because you do. and you deserve to shift. i can assure you, you’re meant for great things. you may not be glowing as brightly as you were, but that doesn’t mean you’ve stopped being a star. eventually, you’re going to get that spark back.

having a fog about what's next for you is perfectly normal. anxiety with what's to come is too. perhaps you’re becoming less interested in something you’ve devoted your whole body and mind to. a dr maybe? or an s/o? again, take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. don’t feel ashamed to let go and even replace your goals, wants, and needs. there are moments where you’re not going to be connected with your drs, but that’s perfectly normal. so don’t feel ashamed and beat yourself up for it. it’s your dr after all.

i can see you’ve recently been so emotional about your journey. just let it all out. if you have a friend, console them about your problems. if you have a journal, write your emotions out. understand what you’re feeling and understand why you’re feeling these emotions. but most importantly, don’t ever let your emotions get the better of you and control your actions towards yourself or others. feeling these are understandable. no one ever said this journey would be easy, and everyone’s experiences are different, but don’t let that discourage you. instead, let it inspire you more. so, wipe away those tears, dust off your knees, and take a deep breath before trying again. who knows? the next thing you know, you wouldn’t have even realized that you have already succeeded.

•------------------------------------------------------------•

that is all pile 3! thank you so much for stopping by the shifting cafe and spending this session with me. i hope to see you all again soon. happy shifting!

•------------------------------------------------------------•

・゜゜・．.・゜゜・・゜゜・．.・゜゜・・゜゜・．.・

that is it for today's pick a pile session! thank you so much for everyone who decided to participate/stop by and picked their piles for some guidance. i hope these resonated and i have interpreted them well for all of you.

if you have any suggestions for future pick a piles, please feel free to request through messaging me or leaving an ask!

for a personal tarot reading session, check out my carrd and order from my google forms!

thank you so so so much and i'll see you all soon! happy shifting!

・゜゜・．.・゜゜・・゜゜・．.・゜゜・・゜゜・．.・

[completeoveranalysis]

[4]

AND NOW WE GET PIFFLE CALL BACKS?

Oh Clamp really do love me. This is unreasonably perfect. 

Who else begins the climactic fight of the series with, “Hey, remember this double layered question I posed 135 chapters ago? Let’s revisit that now!”

WHICH IS VERY GENEROUS OF THEM in the way that it signposts an exact conversation for us to think about and realise (without having to reread the whole series yet again) that the whole conversation between Syaoran and Fai in Piffle was REALLY HEAVILY honed in on the secret Lava Lamp crushing guilt and backstory we didn’t know about until now. 

Which is wild in the meta sense knowing that CLAMP planned for that exact sentiment to be the very core of a character we wouldn’t even understand for another 130 chapters, but also on the character level knowing (in hindsight) that Lava Lamp himself was hearing this conversation happen in real time and probably had an absolutely horrible time knowing that they were discussing ethics behind the soul-crushing decision he made that broke the universe and is still suffering AND seeing the consequences of. 

But how absolutely fascinating that after Shara our cloned Syaoran ended up developing such a similar insecurity about messing with timelines and the consequences of doing so completely independently from Lava Lamp. The parallel lives of these parallel people. The hitsuzen of it all. 

AND! Fai gives almost the same advice! 

Last time he said, “You can ponder over that all you want[…] but right now, it won’t do us a bit of good,” and, “If there’s something that you can accomplish if you try, then the thing to do is try. ‘Changing history’ is an idea on too grand a scale for a person to do anything about. It’s also important to accept that there are things you just can’t do.” And he was talking specifically between the Shura/Shara timeline changes at the time, but in relation to Clow? Lava Lamp holds himself accountable for every single thing that happened, but he didn’t do all of that. He was just trying to achieve a goal - which is framed here as a good thing (and is very good advice for dealing with anxiety besides). 

At his core Fai sees this same struggle playing out in each Syaoran and gave them both the same tips - but this time he can reference the previous time and really hammer it home. 

And, deliciously, it echoes even stronger here. The advice is to ignore all the things you can’t control. Just focus on what you want, and do what you can to achieve it.

Lava Lamp might still feel that he ruined the universe, but that won’t help him right now. Like Fai said last time, that’s on too grand a scale for him to ever take on his own. He has one thing he wants to achieve and he should focus on that. The timeline will sort itself out later. 

Which is SUCH a solid Dad moment. Kurogane gets to tell Evil Wolverine to fuck off, Fai and Kurogane get to flirt and insult Evil Wolverine to his face, and now Fai gets to give a touching character moment to Lava Lamp as they all share the final story beat together. It ties the Syaoran experience together (ironically, since the other Syaoran he WAS speaking to is RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM but may or may not have the soul to remember the moment at all), and ties both sides of the plot together into this one big family moment. 

Though I’m slightly suspicious of Fai last time mentioning that It’s also important to accept that there are things you just can’t do. 

[circuscountdowns]

Hi! Wanted to start off by saying that I LOVE your cotl art its such a huge inspiration to me :D! I recently picked up drawing again and I've unfortunately been upset? envious?! of others' skills and just wanted to ask if you ever experienced this as a fellow artist and if so how do you not do that lol. Sorry for the weird question. I just thought some insight and advice from a fellow artist could helo. BUT I hope you still have a nice day and look forward to any more cotl art or anything you draw really :D!!! (also is okay if you don't answer it is a loaded question I just be in a silly goofy mood lately okay bye!)

oh wow being on the receiving end of a question like this is surreal, I’m honored my work inspires you! Thank u, you’re sweet, it’s not a loaded question at all! Here’s my long reply sorry

so unfortunately that comparing yourself to others thing doesn’t go away ever asdfgjkl. I suffer it every day, it sucks, feels bad. I’ve had industry people tell me they feel this way and they’ll have some of the most gorgeous visdev/boards/animation I’ve ever seen. Disheartening to hear, But! I’m a big believer that comparing your artworks with others is best used as a tool and not a punishment to yourself!

When looking at art you like, try to turn thoughts of, “Man I wish my stuff looked like that, my shit sucks,” to, “What is it that I like about this piece? The line art? The perspective?” Sometimes I’ll see work with thin line art and I’ll get an itch, and I’ll draw something with thin line art. It’s a conscious effort of keepin emotion out of that itch, keeping it as, “I saw art with thin lines, I want to do that. Yay I did that!” Compartmentalize it, the itch was simply to do thin line work, not to remake the piece you were inspired by. And you got a piece of art out of it, and a single piece is progress no matter how small!

If you want to compare, do it methodically! Why does my work look different (never use the words better or worse)! Oh, I see my piece doesn’t follow the rule of thirds, so the framing is different, I’ll be aware of that next time if it bothers me. Or, Oh I see they shade by hatching along with the form, I’ve just been going horizontally, I’ll try that other way!

it’s a learning curve of training yourself, like all corrective behavior.

like, I kinda have the warning feeling of dread when I’m about to compare my work with something, so before the self-deprecating thought can even start I have to think What do I Like about this?

I’m no expert at it, though. Actually getting myself to think this way is a struggle, but I find when I make Thoughtful Observations I level up. Not by a lot most times, but yknow.

and this part is just my personal experience:

Fanart and the internet can be the biggest Art skill killer sometimes. Get offline and cater to the audience that Really matters to your passion: You! I improved the most by spending 2-3 years doing doodles/comics/models for my dnd campaign ocs because I was that obsessed and I simply wanted to have it for me!

and after all that, then there’s the hardest skill of just accepting your work as is.

like, to me, my work is just scribbles. I see other artists’ stuff and go “Man they’re so good at comics and colors, man, why can’t I color?” But do I need to??? I don’t like coloring, do I need to be good at it? This isn’t a career, this is supposed to be fun! I scribble because I like it! I’m glad this persons good at coloring, I don’t need to be! Yay!

if I Want to be good at it, I’ll take the steps to get there! But if not, my scribbles are just fine :) I love black and white and values

I’ve been having that one on repeat for a while. It helps

(acceptance and denial go hand in hand btw lol they sound the same)

I wish there was a little off button for envy, but ah well! I hope that you take comfort in knowing we are all feeling it, and find joy in even the smallest little doodle you make! Have fun stay goofy!

[dreamlifebunny]

hello bunny! I (ego, probably) find stay 'knowing myself' throughout the day as I tell myself I will observe the Ego's life with no attachment but in 2 minutes get swept up in my thoughts and identifying with them.

How do I separate my Self from ego and stop identifying with ego? and How do I believe that I am Self, 'I' need some proof, what do I do to get that? I'm so sorry if this has already been answered or repetitive.

hiiii, anon! c: no need to apologize at all, i completely understand the question and the struggle! this is a long answer, sorry it's late here and i have no idea how to be concise ever lol.

the biggest piece of advice i would give to you is to not beat yourself up for getting swept up in the thoughts. when we get swept away we can get frustrated with ourselves because we're like, "ughh i'm not doing this right, i have to start over, c'mon ego just do it correctly already!!" but the thing is, that is just how the ego is. it is acting the exact way it was intended to; the ego has endless thoughts, the ego worries, and the ego wants to beat you up for not getting it "right." but Self knows that that is the way the ego is and doesn't try to fight it! It accepts the ego as it is and simply lets it be. Self thinks that the ego is perfect simply because it "is;" it's perfect when its happy, it's perfect when it's sad, it's perfect when it has a thousand thoughts, it's perfect when it feels angry at itself. the ego/character you're playing right now, your Self created, and it is perfectly neutral and loving towards it ALL.

i used to be so confused when people would say, "just observe," because when i had thoughts i didn't like i would feel negatively and try to push the negative thought away or try to stop feeling the negative feeling. but what i learned was that instead of trying to change the thoughts, i can notice that i'm trying to change the thoughts. i can notice that i felt uncomfortable, then i can notice that the thought is sticking around, then i can notice that the feeling gets harder, then i can notice where the feeling is in my body, then i can notice that my awareness of where it is in my body has made me forget that i had a negative thought that i didn't like in the first place! it all falls away, because simply noticing helps you shift your awareness.

as ego, you will never run out of things to notice. that's why there are so many opportunities to practice not identifying with the ego! something you could try practicing for it to become more normal is taking time throughout your day to sit with yourself and truly pay attention, neutrally, to every single thought, feeling, and sensation that comes up. when i say neutrally, i don't mean NOT feeling negatively about things you're frustrated with or pushing down the feelings. the ego is going to feel frustrated, because that's how the ego feels. what i mean is, even if you get frustrated with yourself, NOTICE THAT TOO. "oh, i'm noticing that i'm feeling frustrated. that's okay!" it's all okay - have compassion and love towards EVERY feeling and thought that comes up, because they are all a creation of Self/God. i'll give you an example of the first time that i "got" it that will hopefully explain what i'm saying a little more. this was something close to my internal monologue:

alright. here we go. gonna notice some stuff as Self. i'm noticing my breathing. cool!

i'm noticing that i'm noticing my breathing now hehe. that's okay!

i'm noticing a feeling come up; ego wants to laugh because this feels funny to notice. that's okay!

i'm noticing that the feeling feels really warm in my body, it's pleasant. that's okay!

i'm noticing that i'm pretty hungry right now, actually... that's okay!

*drifts for a little while bcuz i was so hungry*

oh. i noticed that i just started drifting thinking about lunch. that's okay... wait, is that okay?

shit. i fucked up and drifted, ugh. that's not okay, why do i always drift so easily? *gets frustrated with myself*

wait, i didn't fuck up. i'm noticing that i was just frustrated with myself. okay. frustration, you are noticed. it's okay for the ego to be frustrated! that's okay!

i'm noticing now the peace that comes with simply allowing my ego to be the way it is. that's okay!

i'm noticing that i'm thinking about lunch again. that's okay!

maybe i should eat. what should i eat? (*drifting*)

ugh! i keep messing this up! (*frustrated*)

oh! i am noticing that the frustration is coming again, and i'm also noticing that i'm hungry. that's a sensation the ego is having. i am noticing it. that's okay!

does this make sense? everything that the ego does is perfect, it's acting as the way it always is - we as Self are simply here to observe it! it doesn't have to change its ways for you to become self-actualized; in fact, the ego cannot "become enlightened," the feeling of "enlightenment" only happens when the ego is left to just vibe and do its thing, without changing it. the ego is perfect to Self because no matter what, it is playing its role exactly as it was meant to. the ego wants to fight itself, but it doesn't need to fight itself, because it's doing exactly what it was designed to do. Self knows this! Self is able to take a step back and allow the yuckiness that the ego feels to just happen, because it knows that that yuckiness is a creation of Self. this is why people always say that Self is an expression of / feeling of pure love, because everything that the ego does is simply okay, it's allowed, it's perfect, it's loved by Self. it's pure acceptance, and what is more loving than that? i think it's also why people who are Christian say that "God's creations are perfect" because they were created by "Him" and "He makes no mistakes." it's the same thing with our true Selves and ego - the ego is a perfect creation of the Self, it doesn't need to beat itself up or get frustrated because it's not doing things properly. but if it does beat itself up or get frustrated, all you as Self have to do is say, "it's okay. i'm noticing you're frustrated. i'm observing this frustration. that's allowed, you're okay, you're perfect!"

you don't have to say "that's okay" every time you have a thought or sensation, either. i told myself the phrase "nothing i am conscious of is me" when i was trying this out. sometimes i tell myself, "that's allowed." sometimes i just notice and shift awareness without thinking anything and just witness. do whatever feels natural to you, that's what this whole process is about!

it might take time for you to get to this space where it feels constant. but that is okay! the biggest thing to remember with all of this is that it is all okay. you as the ego aren't doing anything wrong, you just need to observe when you do feel that you're doing something wrong and return to that lovely observing Self who knows everything is accepted.

another thing to keep in mind is that this might take practice, but it doesn't have to be an arduous journey. you know how starting a new habit can take a little bit of time before it becomes natural, and then all of a sudden you're remembering to take your meds at the same time every day or your posture is improved because you've reminded yourself enough times throughout the day? it's the same thing for detachment (or at least has been in my case). practice makes better, and holy fuck, we've gone our whole lives attached and identified with ego, so cut yourself some slack! <3 just take some time to return to your Self throughout the day, whether that's taking five minutes to practice the above "noticing" or even just noticing whenever you remember you're Self. whenever i suddenly realize i'm getting caught up in ego identification (which is quite often), i try not to beat myself up - have compassion for the sweet character you've known and identified with! they don't know any better. sometimes i greet my ego like an old friend, like "oh! hi ego! i'm noticing you now."

hopefully this makes sense - compassion and witnessing is the key, and truly with practice you'll come to find it's the simplest thing you've ever known to do. you've got this! <3

also, here is advice from this lovely anon, too!

[halfmoth-halfman]

i got an ask about advice for writing when you're discouraged, so i thought i'd make a post addressing some of the points because i think this is something that everyone has gone through and can relate to. most of this is just what's helped me/what i'd tell myself in the past, but if anyone has advice to add on please feel free! i hope this helps at least a little bit, anon!

"I’m not good at (dialogue/atmosphere/prose/etc)."

write it anyways! one of the best ways to build a skill is to keep doing it. even if you don't ever post it, or only share it with a few friends, or just read it to your pets, or whatever you choose to do, it's better to write something "badly" than to not write at all. or even asking for help on how to improve from other writers. i struggle a lot with atmosphere and scenery, and something that helped me a lot was talking to other writers whose fics i really enjoy and inspire me. i know it may seem intimidating, but there are plenty of writers on tumblr that would love to talk about how they compose their scenes, their dialogue, anything and everything if someone asks.

"I can’t make moodboards/headers/aesthetic posts."

the good news is, you don't have to! fics don't have to have anything other than the fic itself. i can't speak for everyone, but while aesthetics may get my attention, it's the person behind the blog that i stay for. if you want your blog or your fics to have a pretty aesthetic, it shouldn't be because you feel forced to but because you want to do it. if you don't find making moodboards or headers or aesthetic posts fun, then you don't have to do them. and if you want to, but don't know how, there are a ton of resources, links, and blogs dedicated to helping on tumblr.

"I’m not at (insert someone else)’s writing level."

and you might never be, and that's okay! every writer is different - they have different styles, write at different paces, perceive their skill differently. basing your progress on someone else's isn't going to help because you're not them. you have your own time, energy, ability, and ideas, you'll grow and improve at your own pace, just like they did. don't force yourself to try and follow the same timeline of someone else, and don't put yourself down because you're getting better - and you are getting better - at your own pace.

"I can’t find the motivation to write."

honestly same. i think it's a pretty universal experience to lose motivation for something you were excited about at one point. sometimes the vibes aren't it and the story doesn't want to story, but that's alright. it can be hard to stay motivated, and what gets someone inspired again is different everyone. i can't give advice for anything outside of what's helped me, but a few ways i've re-motivated myself to write something are: making a fic playlist, stepping away from the fic for a day or two, giving it to a friend to read, re-watching/reading the source material, doodling fic ideas, and skipping to a different part of the story.

"I can’t write fast enough."

unless it's for something like work where you have a fixed deadline, there is no "fast enough" in writing. don't let anyone tell you otherwise. when i first started writing, in the very early days of ao3 and tumblr, fic updates could takes months or even more than a year and that was fine! one of my favorite fics took a six year hiatus, and that didn't diminish any of the enjoyment i had when it came back. you are not a machine, you're a human being with needs outside of writing. it's always okay if you need to take a break, if there's a long wait between chapters, or if you want to stop a project altogether and come back to it six years later. if someone gives you grief because you can't write within their time-frame then they're not worth having as a reader - do not overwork yourself for the sake of finishing a fic.

"It’s hard to stick to one idea at a time."

then don't! write all the ideas. write every single one. working on a project and you have a drabble that you just keep thinking about? write it. you get a sudden idea for a one-shot in a different fandom? write it. woke up in the mood to start a new five-chapter fic? write it. you can start or stop writing about anything at any time. there is no rule that you have to stick to one idea and finish it before you can write anything else, don't make yourself stick to something if it's not what you want to write, and don't punish yourself if you need to take a break from your current project.

"Maybe I’m not made for writing on tumblr."

tumblr is a shitposting website that barely works at the best of times. half of my drafts get deleted every other week for no reason - there is no way to be "made for writing on tumblr"! but tumblr is huge, there's a bajillion communities on here that would be so excited to have another writer, and a ton that are solely dedicated to helping writers and providing different resources. i guarantee there is someone on this website that will love and adore your writing.

"The things I read are better than anything I can write/comparing myself to other writers."

i don't have the cake picture saved, but we all know the gist of it: the audience (generally) isn't going to care about how decorated your cake is compared to another, they're just happy to get two cakes. and that's really all it is. your fic might not be the same preferred flavor as the audience of other writers, but there is someone out there who's going to enjoy it. i won't tell you to just not compare yourself to others, i know that's not how it works, but what has helped me is changing the way i view other fics. instead of thinking "i wish i could write like this person", i look at like "this inspires me to improve my writing". and don't get me wrong, i still have moments of doubt about my writing compared to some of the people i read, i don't think that will ever really stop, but the best thing you can do is not let yourself give in to that feeling. try and stop that train of thought before it leaves the station. no one else can write the way you can. no one else can tell your stories the way you can. no one else has the same voice as you do. if everyone wrote the same way, everything would be boring. the heart of a fic is seeing the author's personality shine through it. if you see someone write a good fic, that doesn't mean yours won't be. you have to give yourself a chance even when you feel like your writing won't be as good as someone else's. you have to bake your cake anyway.

"How do I find joy in something I know I’ll never be good at?"

you won't. full stop. if you keep telling yourself you'll never be good at something, you'll never improve, there's no point in trying, then you'll never enjoy it. i know it's easier said than done, but you have to have some level of confidence in yourself and in your writing. not only will you not enjoy it, other people will see the lack of enjoyment, the "i wrote this and it sucks" comments, the self-degradation, and they won't enjoy it either - no one feels good about a fic the author clearly didn't want to write. and, if you try everything you possibly can and still can't find any joy in writing, then maybe writing isn't the hobby for you. and that's perfectly okay! i tried quilting and glassblowing several times before i realized i just didn't like it the same way i liked writing. you owe it to yourself to find something that's fun, that makes you smile, that you're excited to do. there's a million hobbies out there, i promise you'll find something that brings you joy.

[geneeste]

why would i want to connect with a shitty person#why do YOU want to connect with a shitty person i'm not a therapist i'm not a magical leprechaun that'll take them on a journey of self-discovery and reevaluation of life choices if they're shitty they're shitty. they can work on that themselves but i don't have to 'connect' with them to hold their hands while they do

'your circle of acquaintances must be small' not all countries are murrikka

Oh, honey.

The thing about Tumblr is that, as amazing as it is for fandom and self-discovery, it is very much not real life. The things I would recommend for a good experience here — liberal blocking, curating your bubble, ignoring trolls — is not good advice for dealing with real humans in real life.

In my tags that you’re referencing, I said the shittiest person you know is still a person. And if you stop seeing people as flawed but real humans, you lose all chance of connecting with them, and then you lose any chance of productive change, for either of you.

Here’s something I’ve struggled with my whole life and that I’ve learned from my mother: you cannot shame and rage a bigot out of being a bigot, and an isolated bigot will stay a bigot forever.

My mom is an amazing woman. She was raised in the racist and homophobic Southern Baptist Church in the U.S. Deep South and was closeted for half of her life. She’s suspected she’s autistic or ADHD, because she was always different in ways that being gay didn’t really explain. And because of that, and because her family were a bunch of assholes, she was singled out for physical abuse amongst her siblings.

To get away from that, she married basically the first dude she thought she could get her out, and then spent another decade or two being abused by that asshole. When she was finally free of him, she managed to keep my brother and I alive, despite the best efforts of my father to interfere. We were still living in the South and teenagers when she came out, despite how dangerous it still was for a divorced woman with minors to be openly lesbian.

I tell you all of this so that you understand the kind of shit she’s had to deal with her whole life. In my opinion, she would have been justified to cut her family out of her life, to leave the bigots in her home town in the dust of their own decrepit prejudice forever, and deliver an epic smackdown whenever a bigot tries her.

But she doesn’t. I’ve watched her go to the same hairdresser (her cousin, because in these towns everyone is related to each other somehow) who’d make ignorant comments about gay people while she did my mom’s hair and slowly help her change by being kind and vulnerable and asking honest questions about why her cousin thought those things.

I’ve seen her do this with countless people, countless times — “oh, what makes you say that? Did you know I’m gay? We’ve known each other for years, have I ever made you uncomfortable? You’ve always been my friend, so I know you love me and wouldn’t say that about me. I know you have a very strong faith, here’s what I’ve read in the Bible about that. You’re a very loving person, I know you care more about people than that thing you just said shows.”

And it works! I’ve seen so many people change for the better because of their relationships with my mom, and I’ve come to realize that this is probably the only way for people *to* change — through patience, kindness, and genuine connection.

This is really hard to do. These kinds of conversations require you to be present and be vulnerable, to be willing to find common ground with someone who seems so different from you and who believe things about you that are hurtful and untrue.

Although this seems to be my mom’s approach somehow, every single time, she’s had a lifetime of being herself and being *confident* in herself, and of practicing these kind of vulnerable conversations. So I’m not saying you can or should do this with everyone you meet.

Some people won’t be ready, and some people won’t be safe. And because it takes time and patience, you might not have the opportunity to do this in a way that will really help someone grow. But I’ve seen a surprising number of people who only needed someone who’s willing to take a chance on them, to really connect with them, become better people.

You can’t hate someone else — or yourself — into being a better person. But you can love them through it.

[robininthelabyrinth]

What We Deserve - ao3

“I hope you know that you deserve better,” Lan Qiren said mildly when he found himself walking side-by-side with Su She in a hallway of Jilin Tower. Su She only scoffed, of course. “Do not misunderstand me, Sect Leader Su. I am not giving you advice, nor am I telling you that you need to change anything about your present situation. I know that is not my place.”

“Damn right it isn’t,” Su She mumbled, though Lan Qiren though, with some satisfaction, that the complaint was half-hearted.

“Nevertheless, it’s true. You do deserve better.”

Su She scoffed a second time, then turned his head away. “You’re in no position to say that.”

Lan Qiren arched an eyebrow. “Aren’t I?”

Su She faltered, as Lan Qiren knew he would.

Of course, the victory turned tasteless at once: Lan Qiren was in a position to say something, and indeed he might be the only one who was, but he had no ability to do more than that. In truth he was helpless here, unable to change anything.

Just as he’d always been.

“You spent your entire childhood resenting those who treated you as an inferior version of Wangji,” Lan Qiren said with a sigh, because he had to still try, even if he knew it to be pointless. “Why remain with a lover who treats you as an inferior version of Xichen?”

Su She’s laugh rang low and hollow.

“Some things you don’t choose,” he said, voice dark, and Lan Qiren reluctantly nodded in agreement. It was only too true, as both of them knew. “Besides, I don’t necessarily agree that that’s what it is. And…and anyway, even if is, I don’t – it’s enough. In its way.”

Lan Qiren inclined his head. In the end, it was Su She’s business, not his; Su She was a man full grown, a sect leader in his own right – he could make his own decisions, and his own mistakes, and there was nothing Lan Qiren could do but stand by and watch it happen.

And yet…

“Do you wish to know –”

“No.” Su She’s voice was sharp, and there was no hesitation. “I don’t. I don’t want to know anything. Let it be.” He struggled briefly, then spat out. “Please.”

Lan Qiren let it be.

They reached the end of the hallway, and parted ways naturally, mere strangers with nothing to say with each other.

Just as it had always been.

For some reason, that was the interaction that lingered in Lan Qiren’s mind far later, when the whole rotten business of the Guanyin Temple was over and done with, when those who were dead were dead and those who lived, lived. It was strange, he thought, that it should be that moment, a quiet and unremarkable one, and not any of the others – not the multitude of others, a lifetime full of them, starting from when Su She was about seven years old and Lan Qiren had first learned the full magnitude of the injustice that had been done to him.

When Lan Qiren had first failed him, the same way the Lan sect had failed Su She all his life.

From the beginning – to the end.

Lan Qiren sighed to himself and shook his head. As always, there was nothing he could do. Even now, walking through the ruined temple, helping pick up the pieces in the wake of Lan Xichen’s devastation and Lan Wangji’s distraction, it all felt meaningless – too little, too late…

Lan Qiren was startled out of his thoughts when, upon turning a corner, he was nearly mowed down by a group of impetuous youths, every single one of whom should have known better.

“Oh no –” “It’s Teacher!” “Teacher Lan! We’re so sorry!”

Lan Qiren itched to say No running allowed and impose punishment, but of course that rule was only strictly imposed in the Cloud Recesses, which this horrible ruined temple was not. He didn’t think Jiang Cheng would particularly appreciate Lan Qiren imposing discipline in his own backyard.

Accordingly, Lan Qiren contented himself to merely stare them all down with his best I’m disappointed in you teacher glare, which was, if he did say so himself, quite good. Certainly it seemed to work very well on his audience: Lan Sizhui, of course, and Lan Jingyi, Ouyang Zizhen, Jin Ling…

“Didn’t you have time to get changed, Jin-gongzi?” he asked Jin Ling with a frown, abruptly distracted. “I would have thought there was enough time for someone to go to Jinlin Tower and back by now…?”

Jin Ling blinked at him owlishly. “Uh, I did?” he said, reaching up to rub his neck, where there was still a red mark, slowly fading now. “No, I definitely did! I changed!”

“You’re still wearing yellow,” Lan Qiren pointed out, then frowned even more deeply when Jin Ling looked confused. “Did you not want to change into mourning? Lianfang-zun was your uncle, and I thought you were close.”

“…he tried to murder me,” Jin Ling said blankly. “And all my friends. And the entire cultivation world.”

“Naturally if you do not wish to wear mourning for him, you don’t have to,” Lan Qiren said. “I had only thought that you might want to, even if only in mourning for the illusion that was lost.”

All of a sudden Jin Ling’s expression changed: lips pressed together tightly, eyes brimming with tears. “I…it wouldn’t be improper?”

Lan Qiren arched his eyebrows. “If anyone objects to you on the grounds of propriety, you may refer them to me, and I will correct them.”

That got smiles on most of their faces, and Lan Jingyi actually snorted out loud.

“See, I told you it’d be fine,” he said, nudging Jin Ling with his elbow. “And now it’s doubly fine! You know no one will dare to get in your face about it if Teacher’s backing you. Not even your jiujiu, who’s not afraid of anything…well, anything else.”

Jin Ling smiled, but a moment later it faded. “I didn’t ask the servants to bring any mourning clothes.”

“It’s fine,” Lan Jingyi said. “Just borrow some of mine – I have to go change anyway, we can go together.”

“You have mourning clothes, Lan Jingyi?” Wei Wuxian asked, turning in from the same hallway Lan Qiren had been in; he’d clearly been listening and was, as ever, utterly shameless about it. “That’s rather well-prepared of you!”

Lan Jingyi rolled his eyes in that full-body way that only adolescents could manage. “Obviously I didn’t bring them myself! Teacher would’ve had a couple of sets brought over for me…uh, right?”

“Yes,” Lan Qiren said, long-suffering. “I sent a request once I learned what had happened, and they would have likely arrived at the inn our sect is using by now. Go and assist them in unpacking, and don’t forget to set out a set for me – I trust you don’t mind if I wear morning as well, Jingyi?”

“Not at all,” Lan Jingyi said with a shrug. “You knew him better than I did.”

“I must admit I’m a bit surprised, Teacher Lan,” Wei Wuxian remarked. “Now if it were Zewu-jun, I’d understand, but I didn’t know you and Jin Guangyao were close.”

Wei Wuxian was a brilliant genius in many ways. He was also, even after all these years, a colossal idiot.

“Jin-gongzi is the one mourning for Lianfang-zun,” Lan Qiren explained, utilizing a slow and deeply condescending tone he would never adopt with his own students - much to Lan Jingyi and Lan Sizhui’s immediate and obvious delight. “On account of their close familial relationship. As you may recall from your time memorizing cultivator lineages, I lack any such relationship with Lianfang-zun.”

Wei Wuxian only looked amused by Lan Qiren’s tone, unsurprisingly. “I know that! But then why would you put on mourning clothes?”

“For Su Minshan, of course,” Lan Jingyi said, and dipped his head apologetically when Lan Qiren glared at him for his impropriety. “Uh, Sect Leader Su, I mean.”

“Uh, all right,” Wei Wuxian said, blinking. “Su She, huh? You’re – mourning Su She. That’s…uh…no, actually, there’s no explanation I can think of for that, that’s just weird. Why are you going to be in mourning for Su She?”

“Yeah, I thought the Gusu Lan sect had a thing against the Moling Su sect?” Ouyang Zizhen asked, looking between them, and Jin Ling nodded, an equally mystified expression on his face. “Why would you mourn their sect leader?”

“The same reason as Jin Ling,” Lan Qiren said shortly, not inclined to explain his family’s business further. “Jingyi, Jin Ling, you can both come back to the inn with me. Sizhui, you go assist Xichen in the meantime.”

Otherwise he’d get peppered with questions, and if it were Wei Wuxian doing the peppering, Lan Sizhui might find himself sharing information he shouldn’t even have – Lan Qiren had no doubt that Lan Jingyi had shared the details with his friend, and he’d never once thought about punishing him for it, even if it was technically a breach of confidentiality.

Of course, if Lan Qiren had hoped that simply leaving would be enough to get Wei Wuxian off their back, he was sorely mistaken.

“I know Su She was a Lan sect disciple once,” Wei Wuxian said, following along despite the implicit dismissal, which had at least gotten rid of Ouyang Zizhen and the other junior disciples. Completely shameless! “I didn’t know that sort of thing still counted once someone left the sect. Seems like a bit of an odd practice.”

Wei Wuxian was probably going to marry into the Lan sect, Lan Qiren reminded himself, then reminded himself yet again that it wasn’t a ‘probably’ so much as a ‘certainly’; the only question was how quickly Lan Wangji could get everything set up. If one looked at it in the light of soon-to-be family, Wei Wuxian’s questions weren’t that intrusive…or, rather, they were, and they were obnoxious to boot. But it wasn’t as if Wei Wuxian wouldn’t be able to get all the answers out of Lan Wangji later on if he wanted.

“It is not our general practice,” Lan Qiren informed Wei Wuxian stiffly as they entered the inn reserved by the Lan sect. “The circumstances relating to Sect Leader Su are outside the ordinary.”

“Am I allowed to know?” Jin Ling asked, glancing between all of them. He at least knew some manners, or at least had a sense of how much sects preferred to keep the knowledge of their dirty laundry limited to insiders. “If you need me to go…”

“It’s fine,” Lan Jingyi said, and Lan Qiren inclined his head in consent a moment later: it was more Lan Jingyi’s secret than his own, though he was certainly not unconnected to it. “It’s actually quite straightforward.”

It was not.

“You see,” Lan Jingyi said. “I’m Sect Leader Su’s son.”

Jin Ling’s jaw dropped, and Wei Wuxian’s eyebrows nearly hit his hairline.

“You’re joking,” Jin Ling said, and upon determining from their expressions that they were not, “But, but…how? Your surname is Lan!”

“Through your mother?” Wei Wuxian asked.

“Nope! Or, well, I guess technically –”

“Su She was a bastard child of a sect leader, in the same manner as Mo Xuanyu,” Lan Qiren said flatly, interrupting rather than let Lan Jingyi mess up the explanation any further. It was already shameful enough without adding mockery to it, though he didn’t hold it against Lan Jingyi. “And, again in the same manner as Mo Xuanyu, he was brought back to be raised in his father’s sect without being granted formal recognition.”

Now it was Wei Wuxian who was the one staring blankly. “But he was – it’s the Lan sect.”

“We are still only human, capable of fault,” Lan Qiren said, thinking to himself that he had said that too many times in his life, and also that he was so very sick and tired of cleaning up his brother’s messes. “And before you ask, yes, that means that Su Minshan was my nephew, just as Xichen and Wangji are.”

Su She’s mother had been a servant, one of the ones assigned to He Kexin’s house full of gentians, and if there was one small iota of comfort Lan Qiren could try to take out of the whole wretched disaster, it had been her persistent insistence that she had been wholly willing. His sister-in-law had apparently invited her to join in the marital bed, perhaps in an attempt to ensure her husband get someone else with child rather than her - if so, it had been a colossal failure, a fact borne out by the nearness of the two boys’ birthdays, Su She born only a few weeks after Lan Wangji.

“According to our sect rules, only the father or the sect leader can grant recognition,” he added, still bitter about the fact that his brother, who was both, hadn’t – and that the sect had colluded to keep the information away from Lan Qiren. He’d been away on sect business when the information had first come to light, and the elders had decided that he didn’t need to know. He had only become aware of it all when Su She was already seven years old, and by then it was far too late to do anything about it.

Well, anything useful, anyway. Lan Qiren had recklessly indulged himself in anger: he had broken his brother’s seclusion just long enough to punch him in the face, breaking his nose, and of course the only result of that had been getting sentenced to a full year of kneeling in repentance for violating Do not succumb to rage; he’d been careful to carry it out at night, when his nephews wouldn’t notice his absence. And all that might have been worth it if it had actually changed anything, but it hadn’t.

No: Su She continued not to be recognized, and the other teachers in the sect, the ones who had known and said nothing, continued to denigrate him with comparisons to Lan Wangji, a malicious contest in which Su She’s loss was predetermined. Lan Qiren had tried to stop it as much as he could, but he couldn’t be everywhere.

“There was nothing I could do,” he said, and hated himself for his helplessness, as always.

“Then…Lan Jingyi…?”

“He couldn’t keep me, so he gave me back to the Lan sect,” Lan Jingyi explained, casual and heartless – Lan Qiren knew it was better that Lan Jingyi didn’t take his father’s abandonment to heart, but it still made him wince. “Teacher insisted that I be given the Lan surname and included in the family genealogy.”

It had been the least Lan Qiren could do. Su She had already left the Lan sect by the time Lan Xichen had officially taken the position of sect leader, long past the point where Lan Qiren could have done anything for him, but what he couldn’t do for the father, he could do for Su She’s unwanted son – the son he wouldn’t or couldn’t acknowledge, because of what that child meant.

Because of the child’s other parent.

“Are you sure it’s all right for me to know this?” Jin Ling wanted to know, worrying his lower lip. “I mean, Senior Wei will probably marry in to the Lan sect, everyone knows that –”

“Hey, what?!”

“But that’s not true for me,” Jin Ling continued, ignoring Wei Wuxian’s pointless exclamation, “I’m from another Great Sect…”

“I don’t mind,” Lan Jingyi said.

“I know you don’t, you’re an idiot! But – Teacher Lan…”

“I allowed you to hear it because it is relevant to you. To both of you,” Lan Qiren said, and his time even Lan Jingyi seemed surprised – as well he should, as this would be new information to him. Su She had entrusted Lan Qiren with his child on the condition that this particular information not be shared with him for as long as it could be used to damage the other person involved, but that condition had now passed. “Your uncle, Jin Guangyao, was the other parent.”

A long moment of silence.

“Wait,” Lan Jingyi said. “Wait, wait, wait…that means I’m the little mistress’ cousin? That’s great! Now you’ve got to listen to me, tang-di! I’m your family elder!”

Lan Qiren managed not to roll his eyes, but just barely. Sometimes, he genuinely wondered what side of the family Lan Jingyi got his exuberant personality from – neither Lan nor Jin seemed likely. Perhaps Su She’s mother? It seemed unlikely, from everything he’d heard about her, but one never knew…surely not Jin Guangyao’s mother, that seemed unlikelier still, but then again he supposed he’d never met her…

“Why did Su She give him up?” Wei Wuxian asked. Unlike Jin Ling, who was still flapping his mouth like a fish out of water, it was clear that he’d already started piecing things together; he was dreadfully clever that way. He’d probably even figured out that it was due to Su She’s misalignment, having been raised initially as a little girl, that the Lan sect had managed to keep the secret of his existence from Lan Qiren, and that it had only been once he was old enough to identify himself as a man that the truth had come out. “It doesn’t seem like something Jin Guangyao would insist on.”

“That was precisely the issue, to my understanding,” Lan Qiren explained. “Su Minshan knew that Lianfang-zun would insist on recognizing any child of his, even though the revelation of an illegitimate child would have greatly damaged his reputation and future prospects – not to mention his marriage, which was then in progress.”

The unlucky Jin Rusong had been conceived right around the same time, and it was probable that Qin Su had identified her pregnancy earlier even if the conception was later. Lan Qiren had always believed in his heart that that had been another motivation for Su She to give up his child, that Su She, having lived his own life in the shadow of a legitimate heir, always compared and always found wanting, would have wanted something better for his own son.

(Lan Qiren wondered in retrospect if things would have been different for Su She if Jin Guangyao had found out about Qin Su’s heritage a little earlier – or if things would have been different for Jin Rusong, for that matter, if Su She had been honest. But there was no point in thinking things like that.)

Either way, in the end, Su She had known exactly what having Jin Guangyao’s child would have involved, what it would have resulted in for Jin Guangyao, and he’d refused to do it. Whether it was selfish or selfless, whether he worried for his son’s future or feared Jin Guangyao’s resentment at destroying his, he’d made his choice.

“We’re cousins,” Jin Ling said, still sounding stunned, but starting to smile a little. “Cousins…”

“Don’t look so cheerful,” Wei Wuxian told Lan Jingyi, who’d started bouncing on his toes and grinning like a loon. “If you’re cousins, does that mean you get Jiang Cheng in the bargain?”

Lan Jingyi abruptly looked horrified, causing Lan Qiren to sigh and Jin Ling to burst out laughing.

“Enough,” Lan Qiren finally intervened. “Go put on your mourning clothes. There’s no memorial tablet made yet, but you can still light some incense. Go!”

They went, the two boys already starting to bicker with each other in low voices.

“That helped, I think,” Wei Wuxian said, watching them go. “Jin Ling, I mean. He’s been taking it – very hard.”

He glanced at Lan Qiren sidelong.

“You did that on purpose.”

Lan Qiren said nothing.

There wasn’t anything to say, really. He would do as he had always done: as much as he could, though not as much as was needed. And he would simply have to hope that it would be enough.

“Teacher…would it be easier for you if I stayed away?”

Lan Qiren glanced at Wei Wuxian, startled by the question, and by the unusually thoughtful tone it was asked in. “What do you mean?”

“From the Cloud Recesses,” Wei Wuxian clarified. “Lan Zhan wants to go back at once, and to bring me, but I wanted to know what you thought, Teacher Lan.”

“I would certainly rather you marry in than Wangji leave,” Lan Qiren said, not sure he was understanding the question correctly, and Wei Wuxian’s abrupt smile, somewhat embarrassed, suggested he hadn’t. Did he think that he and Lan Wangji were being subtle or something..? “Provided you try not to corrupt too many juniors, I expect we will learn to tolerate each other in time.”

Possibly a great deal of time.

“…it isn’t as though any other alternative wouldn’t be worse.”

“That’s not quite what I meant,” Wei Wuxian said, outright grinning now. “But I suppose it’s the best answer I’ll get.”

Lan Qiren supposed so. Although, he wondered… “Why did you even ask?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Wei Wuxian said. “Something about hearing about yet another family tragedy your brother left you to have to handle made me think about how bad a hand you got dealt, that’s all.”

He laughed a little as Lan Qiren stared at him in shock.

“I’m just saying,” he said with a smile. “You deserve better. I hope you know that.”

[adoredmarrow]

í feel unwanted a lot or at least like im always the place holder friend and never feeling like other people would choose me if they had more options.

i have gotten a couple new friends recently. we see a lot with the other one and get along very well and have similar interests. she has also talked about being lonely and friendless a lot through out her life but one day when i was telling her how i had a friend once that only would see me when others werent free, she said that oh thats kinda like how we are. she said it jokingly and added that yeah there isnt many others and youre the one here so thats why we are friends. it hurt cause it wasnt even the second time this has happened to me. i thought i had made a genuine connection and a friend again but she doesnt see me that way, it makes the joy i have had with her feel bitter.

i didnt have many close friends growing up. i thought i had but later on i have realized this. this one time has stuck with me. this one friend that i thought was a close friend or almost my best friend ever and that i saw a lot after school and for years. at the least this one summer she didnt reach out but one single time that she called for advice on a subject that i knew a lot about and that was it, she didnt ask how i was or if we could meet up just nothing else.

my last relationship if you could call it that, wasnt good. we rarely were officially together, she would get interested in others and leave me alone with no care for my feelings. when they would leave, she would come back to me and pretend like that didnt happen and be all lovely with me and say she wanted to be close with me again and then the whole thing would repeat.

with another not too long ago made friend, i find her easy to talk to and she was been flirty with me sometimes and i do like that but im afraid the same thing will happen again as with my last relationship. we havent known for that long. her last and only relationship was bad and with a man and i think shes trying to find something in me to feel healed from it without necessarily knowing me well or having a romantic connection with me. in my last relationship the girl would leave me for men mostly. i dont know i just have this fear that im only good for as an idea or as an experiment.

my mother has never had many close friends and would use me as kind of a friend. she has felt more like an older roommate to me than a mother. she dumps her interests and struggles on me and then brushes everything i have to say aside. my mother nor my father has ever seemed interested in who i am or what i do. most of the time if im in a group setting and i speak its quickly forgotten what i added into it. others in my family almost every single time brush aside or misunderstand what i said and dont ask for a clarification.

most of the time i feel like people dont listen to what i say even in a casual conversation, people dont respond or they interrupt me without a care for what i was saying. i dont understand how it keeps happening with so many people through out my life. do they notice me as autistic in their own way and place me lower than other people? is it that i dont boast about work or education? or because i dont perfectly conform in other ways? is it my slightly noticeable speech impediment?

i feel like i will always feel like the second option in everything. i have been trying to mask my whole life and i put myself out there and i have nice interactions here and there with strangers and im happy for it. im not going to stop trying to find people like me but sometimes even just sharing something feels pointless.

[aheathen-conceivably]

Hi! I’m a huge fan of your work (Josephine, in particular, has my heart! Gio, I tolerate… sorry 🫣), so, firstly, thank you for sharing your lovely creative mind with us.

Second, I hope it’s okay to ask a question! There’s a specific story idea that’s been rattling around in my head for ages now, but try as I might, I can’t seem to make it into anything concrete. I have a few things down (mostly snatches of dialogue, basic facts like character names, and start/end points - i.e. “z and a start as enemies but eventually fall in love”) but I’m struggling to connect point a with point b and actually make it, yknow, a story. Do you have any sage advice/pro tips/divinely-inspired guidance for making a handful of loose ends into something real and fit for Tumblr consumption? Lol.

Thank you in advance!

Hello, there! First and foremost let me apologize for some particular writer out there (ahem, it is me) who may have just gotten herself out of a real bad slump by making Gio a main character 😂

I am SORRY y’all I wasn’t supposed to like him this much I was a Jo girlie forever but now, well, the heart wants what the heart wants. Make no mistake Jo still has my heart but…can’t a girl have both? Y’all out here taking sides already oh my goodness I can’t wait to see y’all for the rest of this decade 😜

Now WHEW! Let me also say I appreciate your kindness about the story. I wish I had more advice for you, but I’m afraid I fell into this without much creative or really any writing background at all, so I’m not sure I’m the source for sage advice. Other than going on my resource page for other tricks that might be helpful, what I will tell you is to write every damn thing down. Like I mean it, one line of dialogue, one idea, one thought. I have stuff everywhere, under to do lists, in massive documents, in scribbles on the back of bills. Eventually I do try and organize it (and this would probably be the time to tell you to maybe not put it in random places where it’s hard to find later 😅), but I’m often shocked at what a small little tidbit later turns into.

As far as connecting those tidbits (which bravo for having them, that’s already more than I did for some parts of the story!), I honestly just feel like the more you write and inhabit the mindset of your little world, the more it comes to you when you aren’t thinking about it. Thanks to my boy Gio (please see above oops) I have been writing nonstop. Chopping onions, folding clothes, driving, just trying to live my life and a scene is playing out in my head. Now mind you, this comes after over a month without a single thought of the story, so it is a process that waxes and wanes.

I would also say not to get frustrated with yourself too early, as again, I think the process of getting into your story is a snowball effect. My early decades had much less going on, and that’s very much for a reason. The process moves with you. That means that I don’t really think there’s a benchmark for “fit for Tumblr consumption.” Doing it is practicing it, and the community is very welcoming to changing style and voice as your work goes on.

Just write my Nonny friend, write whenever your brain tells you to and don’t be afraid to share. And then fall in love with Gio with me 😙