#every time monica shows up they make me KIND OF like her

[deklo]

i forgot how good shameless is at making me mmmmmmfurious

[summerclementine27]

Ever Since New York 💫

Summer 2038

Summary: Harry is Y/N’s family friend, in particular, her father’s best and closest friend. The two have known each other all her life, but were never close, Harry always busy with his music career and y/n always too young to hang out with the adults when he was back in London for holiday.

Inspired by: Richard and Monica from “Friends”

Ages: Harry is 44 and y/n is 21 (she was born in 2017 when Harry was 23)

Warnings: smut, age difference

- I’m not good at writing smut yet, bear with me

Wordcount: 3.9k

You've always admired Harry Styles. Not as the global superstar everyone else sees, but as the charming, intelligent man who’s been a close friend of your father for years. There's something undeniably magnetic about him, something that draws you in every time he's around.

Of course, you have known him all your life. In fact, he was there before your own grandparents at your birth, having driven your father to the hospital. However, you two didn’t always have the close knit relationship everyone – including the media – thought you did, despite what you let on to your friends when you were bragging about being family friends with THE Harry Styles. After all, it was ever so easy to show up with signed copies of his album or to get a VIP ticket to a show, no one had to know how hard it was to talk to the pop star himself.

Your parents had you young, at twenty-three, which forced them into adulthood quickly. Meanwhile, Harry was on the verge of starting his solo career, so perhaps he just didn’t understand kids very well. He was always nice to you, Y/N, but he treated you more like an acquaintance than anything else. Even when you were seventeen, outsmarting all the kids your age and listening to old music that surprised everyone, including Harry, he remained distant.

There was that one time your parents mentioned at a dinner party that you had chosen the record to spin. Harry's surprise was evident, a moment that should have felt like a victory but only solidified the distance between you. He mostly talked to you about school and his work, but only when you asked. His responses were always polite, professional, and a little distant, as if he was talking to a child, not a young woman who admired him deeply.

You remember the embarrassment vividly from the time you asked him to sign a CD for your friend's birthday. It was a last-minute gift, and while he did it graciously, it left you feeling foolish and childish, as if you were just a little girl in his eyes, not someone he could see as an equal or a friend.

It wasn't until your 19th birthday that you started feeling more. Harry had gifted you tickets to see him in New York, and the gesture left you honored and feeling special. The idea of seeing him perform in such a romantic city seemed liberating and thrilling. You could hardly believe it when you opened the envelope to find the tickets, your heart racing with excitement and a sense of being seen, truly seen, by Harry.

However, the excitement was dampened somewhat when no one else could make it to America, and you ended up going with your dad. While you loved your father dearly, traveling with him turned what could have been an exhilarating adventure into something more mundane and familiar. The trip, which had initially promised a sense of independence and glamour, now felt like a family vacation. The presence of your dad, with his protective demeanor and constant dad jokes, kind of ruined any aspect of it feeling liberating.

After the concert, which was nothing short of spectacular, the three of you had dinner at Harry's hotel. The setting was intimate, the ambiance perfect for something special. Throughout dinner, Harry kept mentioning how grown up you looked. "You really have blossomed, Y/N," he'd said more than once, his eyes lingering on you in a way that sent shivers down your spine.

Your dad, ever the workaholic, left the dinner early, needing to catch a red-eye flight to make it back to the office by midday the next day. You had extended your trip to do some touristic things in New York, planning to visit galleries and museums.

With your dad gone, the atmosphere changed subtly. You stayed a couple more hours with Harry, feeling a shift in the dynamic. He seemed to be seeing you properly for the first time—not as a kid he occasionally babysat for a few hours or an angsty teenager, but as a young woman on the brink of adulthood. There was a shyness in his demeanor, a hesitation that was both endearing and exciting.

You found yourself sitting closer to him, the conversation flowing more freely. The fleeting touches, the lingering looks, the way his eyes softened when he looked at you—it all became more pronounced. These moments, though few and far between, fueled your admiration for him, making you yearn for a deeper connection

At one point, you made a comment that unintentionally shattered the delicate mood. "You know," you said with a playful smile, "I'm as old as your song 'Sign of the Times.' I was born the day after its release."

Harry chuckled, but the mention of your age seemed to remind him of the gap between you. The mood, which had been charged with a palpable tension, shifted back to something more reserved. The fleeting touches became less frequent, the lingering looks more cautious.

Despite this, the evening left an indelible mark on you. For the first time, you felt that Harry saw you as more than just his friend’s daughter. There was a connection, a spark that hinted at something more profound, something that could grow if given the chance.

Now a university graduate, you could hardly contain your excitement as you prepared to see Harry again at the summer party your dad had planned. The weather was uncharacteristically warm for London, with the sun shining brightly and a gentle breeze that made the day perfect for an outdoor gathering.

You chose your outfit carefully, wanting to make an impression. You slipped into a light, flowing sundress in a soft shade of blue that accentuated your eyes. Your hair was styled in loose waves, cascading down your shoulders, and you wore a delicate silver necklace that caught the sunlight just right. The house was decorated festively, with colorful lanterns hanging in the garden, fairy lights twinkling, and tables adorned with fresh flowers and elegant place settings.

You were standing by the door, welcoming guests, when you saw Harry's car pull up. Your heart skipped a beat as you watched him step out, looking effortlessly handsome in a white linen shirt and tailored pants. As he approached, your excitement grew, and you took a deep breath to steady yourself.

You opened the door, and there he was, standing right in front of you with that signature smile that made your knees weak. "Y/N," he greeted warmly, his eyes scanning you from head to toe. "You look absolutely stunning."

You felt a blush creep up your cheeks. "Thank you, Harry. It's so good to see you again."

Harry stepped inside, his gaze lingering on you. "It's been too long. Congratulations on graduating, by the way. You must be thrilled."

"I am," you replied, closing the door behind him. "It's been quite a journey, but I'm excited for what's next."

He nodded, his eyes twinkling with something more than just friendliness. "Your dad's really outdone himself with this party. The place looks amazing."

You smiled, feeling a sense of pride. "He loves hosting these things. Would you like a drink?"

"Sure," he said, then leaned in slightly, lowering his voice. "But first, do you mind showing me where the bathroom is? I could use a moment to freshen up."

Your pulse quickened at his proximity, and you gestured down the hallway. "Of course. It's just up the stairs, first door on the right."

Harry gave you a playful grin. "The bedrooms are up there too, right? Might need a quick lie-down if things get too wild."

You laughed, the suggestive undertone of his comment not lost on you. "Yes, they are. But try to behave yourself, Styles."

He winked, stepping closer so that his arm brushed yours. "No promises, Y/N."

You couldn’t believe what had just happened. Harry Styles, the man you had admired for so long, had not only complimented you but had also made a flirtatious remark that left you feeling exhilarated and... aroused. You replayed the encounter in your mind, the way his eyes had scanned your body, lingering on your neck and the curves accentuated by your dress. The way his gaze had followed you, filled with something more than just friendly interest.

You needed a moment to collect yourself, so you decided to test the waters. Spotting a group of guys chatting near the garden, you made your way over and joined their conversation, laughing and engaging in animated discussion. You kept an eye on the staircase, and sure enough, you saw Harry descending, his eyes locking onto you with an intensity that sent shivers down your spine.

As he reached the bottom of the stairs, you noticed his gaze lingering on the group of guys you were talking to. He seemed focused, almost possessive, as he made his way over. Your heart raced with anticipation, wondering how he would react.

“Mind if I sneak you away for a moment, Y/N?” Harry asked, his voice smooth and confident as he approached the group.

You smiled, feeling a rush of excitement. “Sure, Harry. Excuse me, guys,” you said to the group, who all nodded understandingly.

As you and Harry walked off together, you turned to him, curiosity piqued. “Is something wrong?” you asked, searching his face for answers.

He shook his head, a playful smile on his lips. “No, you just promised me a drink, remember?”

You raised an eyebrow, teasingly. “Was that all? You could have gotten that yourself.”

“Yes, but,” he paused, his eyes meeting yours with a mischievous glint, “it wouldn’t have been nearly as fun without your company.”

You felt a thrill run through you at his words, and a smile tugged at the corners of your lips. “Well, I suppose I can’t argue with that logic,” you replied, leading him toward the bar set up in the corner of the garden.

As you poured drinks, you felt the tension between you grow. Every brush of his hand against yours, every shared glance, seemed to crackle with an electric charge. You handed him his drink, your fingers lingering on his for a moment longer than necessary.

“Cheers,” Harry said, raising his glass to yours, his eyes never leaving your face.

“To what?” you asked, clinking your glass against his.

“To new beginnings,” he replied, his voice low and filled with meaning.

“Hm” you murmured “Does this mean you’re making new music”

Harry chuckled. “No, silly. It’s because you graduated and all that.”

“Well, maybe new music too,” he added with a wink.

You laughed. “So, are you finally going to make a rock album?”

“I wouldn’t be capable of that, plus no one would like it,” he said, shaking his head.

“Oh, come on,” you teased. “Remember ‘Kiwi’? ‘Only Angel’? ‘Medicine’? You’ve got the rock star in you.”

“How do you know those songs?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. “They must be older than you are.”

“Just as old,” you corrected him. “And I have access to the internet. You make good music.”

“Harry,” you said softly, looking up into his eyes. “I’ve always admired you, I hope you know. Not just as a musician, but as a person.”

His eyes softened, and he smiled. “That means a lot to me, Y/N. More than you know.

You felt a surge of courage, emboldened by the intimacy of the moment. “You know, I’ve always wanted to be closer to you, but I never knew how.”

Harry’s grip on you tightened slightly, and he leaned down, his lips brushing your ear. “Maybe now’s the time to change that,” he whispered, his voice sending shivers down your spine.

You thought he was talking about your recent conversations and how you’d been sharing more. “Yeah, we do talk more now, but I still get the feeling you’re holding out on me, like I’m too young to talk about certain things.”

“You’re not a little girl anymore, Y/N,” he said softly. “I see you.”

The words sent a thrill through you, and you leaned into his touch. “I see you too, Harry,” you whispered.

“I know you see me,” he said, “but I’m not sure I like how.”

You looked at him, confused. “What do you mean?”

“I feel like you see me as this intimidating, distant guy who’s uninterested,” he explained. “That might have been the case when I was in my 20s, but now I’m more invested in knowing more about you guys, about the family… my best friend’s daughter.”

The reminder of your situation made it a bit awkward. “Is that all?” you asked.

“And, of course, I couldn’t miss one of your dad’s famous parties,” Harry said, trying to lighten the mood.

“Of course,” you said, a playful smile on your lips. “Wouldn’t want to miss out on the free food and drinks, right?”

Harry chuckled, shaking his head. “It’s not just that, Y/N. There are always certain... attractions at these parties that I look forward to.”

Your heart skipped a beat, and you felt your cheeks flush. “Oh really? And what might those be?”

He took a step closer, his eyes darkening with a hint of desire. “Well, there’s usually one person who catches my eye,” he said softly, his voice like velvet.

You swallowed hard, your pulse racing. “And who might that be?”

Harry’s gaze traveled down your body, taking in every curve before meeting your eyes again. “I think you know.”

Before you could respond, a friend of your mom’s came up and told you to dance with her because all the girls were dancing to “Dancing Queen” by ABBA. You noticed Harry still looking at you as you joined the dance, but you didn’t talk to him again until later when people started to leave.

As you were fixing up the drinks station, you felt someone’s eyes on you. Turning, you found Harry leaning against the doorframe, a playful smirk on his lips.

“Having fun?” he asked, stepping into the room, his eyes never leaving yours.

“Trying to,” you replied, a little breathless from his proximity. “These parties can get a bit tedious after a while.”

“Maybe I can help with that,” he said, his voice low and suggestive.

You raised an eyebrow, feeling a thrill of anticipation. “Oh? How do you plan to do that?”

Harry stepped closer, his gaze intense. “I have a few ideas. Care to join me for a walk? Maybe we can finish off our conversation.”

“Is there any more to say?”

“There is always more to say, especially with me and you.”

You hesitated for a moment, your heart pounding in your chest. Then, with a small nod, you agreed. “Alright, let’s go.”

You followed Harry out of the kitchen, slipping into the shadows of the garden. The night air was cool and filled with the distant hum of the party, but you led him to a hidden corner where your dad had abandoned the project of fixing the old tree house when you left for university. This forgotten part of the garden was shrouded in darkness, a secluded haven where no one would think to venture.

The night air was cool and refreshing, a stark contrast to the warmth of the house. The garden was beautifully lit with fairy lights, casting a soft glow over the flowers and trees. You walked in silence for a few minutes, the tension between you growing with each step.

Finally, Harry stopped near a secluded bench and turned to face you. “Y/N, I want you to know something,” he began, his voice serious.

“What is it?” you asked, your curiosity piqued.

“I’ve always seen you as a remarkable person,” he said, his eyes locking onto yours. “Not just as my friend’s daughter, but as someone truly special.”

You felt a warmth spread through you at his words. “Thank you, Harry. That means a lot to me.”

He took a deep breath, as if gathering his courage. “But ever since New York, I’ve been seeing you in a different light. You’re not a little girl anymore. You’re a beautiful, intelligent woman, and it’s hard for me to ignore that.”

Your heart skipped a beat. “Harry…”

He stepped closer, his hand reaching out to brush a strand of hair from your face. “I don’t want to scare you or make you uncomfortable, but I can’t pretend I don’t feel something for you.”

You swallowed hard, your mind racing. “I’ve felt it too,” you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. “But I didn’t think you saw me that way.”

“I do,” he said firmly. “And I want to explore this, if you’re willing.”

You nodded, unable to find the words to express how you felt. Instead, you leaned into him, your bodies close, the electricity between you palpable.

Harry’s hand cupped your cheek, his thumb stroking your skin gently. “You’re so beautiful, Y/N,” he murmured, his lips dangerously close to yours.

Your breath hitched, and you felt a surge of excitement mixed with nervous anticipation. “Harry, I…”

Before you could finish, his lips met yours in a soft, tentative kiss. The world seemed to stand still as you melted into his embrace, your hands finding their way to his shoulders.

The kiss deepened, growing more passionate as the minutes passed. Harry’s hands roamed over your back, pulling you closer, and you responded in kind, your fingers tangling in his hair.

When you finally broke apart, both of you were breathing heavily. “I’ve wanted to do that for so long,” Harry confessed, his forehead resting against yours.

“Me too,” you whispered, your heart racing.

He smiled, his eyes full of warmth and affection. “Let’s not waste any more time, then.”

Harry took your hand and led you through the garden, sneaking past the remaining guests. The soft hum of the party faded into the background as you made your way to the front of the house. Your heart pounded in your chest, a mixture of excitement and nervousness bubbling inside you.

Once you reached his car, Harry opened the passenger door for you. “Get in,” he said with a mischievous smile.

You slid into the seat and quickly pulled out your phone, sending a quick message to your mom. Left with Elizabeth; couldn’t find you. See you later! It wasn’t a complete lie, just a small omission of the truth. You figured you’d have to tell your parents eventually, but tonight wasn’t the night for that conversation.

Harry started the engine, and you felt a surge of adrenaline as he placed his hand on your thigh. The touch was electrifying, sending shivers up your spine. He drove with a purpose, the car moving swiftly through the London streets. The tension between you was palpable, each passing moment heightening your anticipation.

“Are you okay?” Harry asked, his eyes glancing over at you, his hand giving your thigh a gentle squeeze.

You nodded, your breath catching in your throat. “More than okay,” you replied, your voice barely above a whisper.

Harry smiled, his focus returning to the road. His hand remained on your thigh, the warmth of his touch seeping through the fabric of your dress. The city lights blurred as he navigated through the streets, the car’s speed adding to the thrill of the night.

The journey to Hampstead Heath felt both endless and too short. You were acutely aware of every turn, every stop, and go, the anticipation building with each passing second. Harry’s hand occasionally moved, his fingers tracing patterns on your skin, driving you wild with desire.

When you finally arrived at his house, Harry parked the car and turned to you, his eyes dark with intent. “Ready?”

You nodded, unable to speak, your heart pounding in your chest. He leaned over and kissed you, his lips capturing yours in a moment that felt like a promise of what was to come.

He got out of the car and quickly moved to your side, opening the door for you. You stepped out, your legs feeling a bit shaky from the excitement. Harry took your hand and led you to the front door, unlocking it swiftly.

Once inside, he closed the door behind you and turned to face you, his eyes filled with desire. “Come here,” he whispered, pulling you into his arms.

You felt a surge of courage as you wrapped your arms around his neck, your body pressing against his. “Harry, I’ve wanted this for so long,” you confessed, your voice trembling with emotion.

“I know,” he murmured, his lips brushing against your ear. “Me too.”

With that, he lifted you into his arms, carrying you through the house. You wrapped your legs around his waist, your fingers tangling in his hair as he kissed you deeply, his tongue exploring your mouth with a hunger that matched your own.

He carried you up the stairs and into his bedroom, gently laying you down on the bed. The room was dimly lit, creating an intimate atmosphere that made your heart race even faster.

Harry stood at the edge of the bed, looking down at you with a gaze that was both tender and filled with desire. “You’re so beautiful, Y/N,” he said softly, his voice thick with emotion.

You reached for him, your fingers fumbling with the buttons of his shirt. “I want you, Harry,” you whispered, your voice trembling with need.

He helped you, shedding his clothes quickly before pulling you close again. The feel of his bare skin against yours was intoxicating, every touch sending waves of heat through you.

He led you to the bedroom, the journey a blur of heated kisses and wandering hands. When you reached the bed, he gently laid you down, positioning himself above you. His eyes met yours, and for a moment, the world seemed to stand still.

“I’ve wanted this for so long,” he confessed, his voice a low growl.

“Me too,” you admitted, your voice barely more than a whisper.

He kissed you again, his mouth trailing down your body, leaving a path of fire in its wake. His lips found your breasts, teasing your nipples until you were arching into him, desperate for more. He moved lower, his mouth worshiping your skin, until he reached the apex of your thighs.

You gasped as he spread your legs, his breath hot against your most sensitive area. His tongue flicked out, tasting you, and you cried out at the sensation. He took his time, exploring every inch of you with his mouth, driving you to the brink of madness with his skillful ministrations.

When he finally entered you, it was slow and deliberate, every inch of him filling you completely. The pleasure was overwhelming, and you clung to him, your nails digging into his back as he moved inside you. His rhythm was perfect, each thrust sending you higher and higher until you were both lost in a haze of ecstasy.

As you came together, the world seemed to explode around you, every sensation amplified. You held each other close, riding the waves of pleasure until they finally subsided, leaving you both breathless and sated.

Harry collapsed beside you, pulling you into his arms. You lay there, tangled together, the afterglow of your lovemaking wrapping around you like a warm blanket. In that moment, everything felt perfect, and you knew that this was just the beginning of something incredible.

————————————————————————————

hope you enjoyed reading :)

[empressdede]

Me, U & Jealousy - Chapter Five

Previous Chapter

This story is written in both past and present. Italics is written in the past and regular font is written in the present.

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Chapter Five

Sorai and Jada were having a girls night until the boys show up again to ‘babysit’.

“What do you mean you never finish?” Jada asked in almost disbelief and Sorai shrugged her shoulders.

“I just don’t think it’s possible.”

“Oh bitch, it’s very possible. I could confirm that myself. So he’s never made you have an orgasm?”

Sorai shook her head, and she was kind of embarrassed to admit that. “I give it to myself from time to time so I know what it feels like. But Cameron…. I don’t know. Like he’s super excited about it and then he’s going at it and at first it feels good.”

“Okay so when does it stop feeling good?”

“After a while. I don’t know what he does but… and sometimes he sucks too hard so it hurts.” Sorai continued, stopping when she heard Jada scoff.

“Is that why you guys broke up?”

Sorai rolled her eyes. “No. He keeps complaining about the Fatu brothers. Especially about Sefa, he thinks there’s something going on between us.”

Now admittedly, there is some tension between the two of them but they had agreed after the house party they attended two years ago that they would not cross those lines with each other again.

After he took her home, he had kissed her again ‘just one last time’ he had claimed and then agreed to never cross those lines with her again.

But damn was it hard, especially when Sefa started working out for football Junior year. She already didn’t like Monica, but was starting to not to like her even more. She was finding herself more envious of the girl.

Sorai pushed those feelings to the side though because Cameron decided to actively pursue her. So for two years, she’s kept her attention on Cameron.

Her and Cameron were very compatible, he really liked Sorai and loved spending time with her; but whenever he had a chance to really get her alone, her ‘brothers’ were quick to snatch her up. Especially Sefa.

She doesn’t blame Cameron for feeling the way that he does… she felt the tension her damn self. But he was a friend who was almost family. How could she even cross those lines anyways?

Jada rolled her eyes this time, “I thought he said he wasn’t insecure about him? They let everyone know they’re your brothers and he knew that two years ago, why is he acting up like that now?”

“Said things were different from when we were sixteen… I dont know Jada. Every other week he complaining about something.” Sorai shrugged. They’d be back together before she knew it so she wasn’t really stressing it.

“Bitch you better than me, I would’ve broke up with him for the bad head alone. Is the sex even worth it?”

“He almost makes me cum when we have sex; just not when he gives me head. But Cameron said most girls don’t even cum and that it’s normal.”

“Bullshit.” Another person voiced out, causing both girls to snap their heads towards the door. When the fuck did he even get here?

“Do you ever knock?” Sorai asked, squinting her eyes at him.

He shrugged. “Y’all knew I was coming over. And don’t think you slick either, I heard what you said.”

“Ugh, Joseph give it a rest. We’re grown now you know?” Jada responded to defend her friend.

“So grown that I still have to come and watch over you guys when Sorai’s parents leave for the weekend?” He asked sarcastically with a raised eyebrow.

“First of all, my dad asked the twins to pass by and CHECK UP on me. Not babysit. So you’re actually here for no reason.”

“Twins were busy so they sent me. All for me to hear about how Cameron can’t even do his job right.”

Jada couldn’t help but laugh cause she agreed with him. Cameron was misleading her inexperienced friend into thinking those kinds of performances were acceptable and it was not.

Sorai rolled her eyes at her friends, how fuckin mature. “Ha Ha Ha.” She dryly replied before continuing, “I don’t understand what the big deal is anyways, it doesn’t even feel that good”

“Yes it really does. I’m talking about toe curling, body shaking, eyes crossing. Girl it’s literally so good. Do not let that boy lie to you cause he sucks.” Jada scoffed shaking her head. “I could hook you up with somebody who could give you the experience of a lifetime and you can see what you missing.”

“I wish the fuck you would. Piss me off if you want to Jada.” Sefa replied, glaring at her.

“What!? I know a guy who could -“

“No.” He dismissed which caused Sorai to raise her eyebrows at him.

“And since when do you make decisions for me?”

He shrugged, “I don’t. But one word to Joe and it’ll be all of us jumping yo lil friend. Cameron barely got out scott free, he still got one waiting on him too.”

“Sefa that’s not fair, you get to rotate between Monica and whoever else but I can’t get new experience from someone else? Mind you, I’m grown.”

“Mind you, I don’t care. Yo momma left like $20 downstairs so what we getting, pizza or Chinese?”

He had to change the subject, and he didn’t care how obvious it seemed to either of them. Sorai was not linking up with no fuckin random. The thought of it almost pissed him off, he wish Jada would just shut the hell up.

Sorai didn’t need no new experience from nobody. She just needed to sit her lil ass down somewhere before she get somebody else fucked up for no reason.

Sorai rolled her eyes. There was no winning with Sefa, so she let it go.

“I’m sick of pizza, get Chinese.” Jada replied, and Sorai nodded in agreement.

“Orange chicken and white rice with some egg rolls.”

Joseph nodded his head and left her room to go make the order.

Jada was the first one to speak up, smacking her teeth and hitting Sorai on the arm. “You need to tell Joseph that he can’t keep you sheltered forever. Sneaking off all the time gets tired after awhile don’t you think?”

“Even if Sefa wasn’t a problem, the other three would literally kill me. Joe almost took Cameron’s head off for bringing me home late one time.” Sorai explained with a shrug, “They’re the big brothers remember? They just want to look out. I just wish Sefa wouldn’t be so hard on me. We’re literally the same age.”

“Then tell him that!” And Sorai gave her friend a tired sigh in response. They both knew no matter what Sorai told Joseph, he was not going to listen to her. If he didn’t want her doing something, he went out of his way to make sure it didn’t happen.

She thought of it as his way of looking out for her and even though she hates it, it’s nice to know that he cares so much.

But in reality it wasn’t because he cared so much; Its more so the fact that he was selfish. He didn’t know how long he could play pretend with her anymore and he almost didn’t care who knew it.

Joseph barely let her out with Cameron as is and the times that she was with him for longer than he liked; it was because Monica was occupying his time.

And he really hated that damn brother bullshit his brothers had instilled to the whole world. The idea was nice and all but he was not her fucking brother and he did his best to show her that; especially two years ago at Britney’s party.

Sometimes, he swore she would look at him in a different kind of light but then she’d be right back in that stupid boys arms and he’d disregard the thought completely.

Joseph shook his head to focus on what he came downstairs for in the first place.

Meanwhile upstairs, the girls - really it was Jada - tried to come up with a plan on expanding Sorai’s horizons while she was currently single.

"We could see if Matthew got some fine ass homeboys." Jada suggested which made Sorai roll her eyes.

"Just cause they’re fine doesn’t mean they know what they’re doing. We need somebody who got good reviews."

Jada busted out laughing out of nowhere before jokingly stating, "To bad we can’t go to Joseph, do you hear how Monica be bragging? He would’ve been perfect."

Sorai laughed with her friend, shaking her head to make it seem like she was disgusted with the suggestion, but her body littered with goosebumps as she really thought about it. She remembered exactly everything Monica has ever said about Sefa when it came to that. Was he really that good? Curiosity really got the best of her.

Unknowing of the dilemma Jada just sent her best friend through, she continues to suggest another boy with good reviews. "We could hit up TJ, I heard he was really good. Actually, Rose said they hooked up at some party over the summer and he gave her a time to remember."

That piqued Sorai’s interest just a little bit, "How good of a time?"

"Aye man, what the fuck did I just say?" Sefa states as soon as he enters the room.

Jada rolled her eyes, "Joseph, please grow up. Rai grown just like you. You not the only one who wanna have cake and eat it too."

And to be honest, Sorai completely agrees. She was old enough to make her own decisions and it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out just who she wanted to cross those lines with. But for now, she decides to change the subject for the sake of both of her friends.

“Can we just forget it and just watch white chicks?”

Jada smacked her lips, glaring at the annoying Samoan, “Look at what you did, you happy now?”

“Jada, can you be serious for even one day in your fucking life?” He retorted back to her.

Sorai rolled her eyes again, “Can y’all not? Let’s just watch a movie and forget about it.”

“ She saved you this time but the next time you work my nerves, me and Rai, jumping you.” Jada threatened which caused Joseph to roll his eyes and ignore her. He didn’t come here to argue, plus it didn’t matter.

He said what he said, and nothing was changing that. So, after putting the DVD into the slot, the group of friends found themselves comfortable in Sarai’s room; the girls on the bed and Joseph on the air mattress until the Chinese food finally came.

“Sefa, go get the food.”

“Why I got to go get the food? It’s your house.” he only argued to be annoying. It didn’t stop Sarai from pouting at the thought of getting out of bed, which caused him to smack his teeth and get up wordlessly.

"Oh shit, tell him to grab the drinks from the kitchen." Jada reminded, which caused Sorai to groan. She forgot about that.

"You think he’ll go back downstairs and get them?" She asked which caused Jada to snort.

Joseph would not make the second trip and they both knew that. Sorai through her head back to let out a loud groan and threw the covers off her body to slide out of the bed. "We have Coke instead of Pepsi, that fine for you?"

Jada nodded her head as a response and snuggled under the covers while Sorai left to go downstairs. A small giggle leaving her lips when she caught Sefa going through the food to ensure everything they ordered was there.

"They forget your eggrolls one time and now look at you." She teased.

"I’m not gonna take that from someone who cried when McDonald’s gave her the wrong meal."

Sorai’s eyes opened wide as a gasp escaped her lips, "I was on my period Sefa; that don’t count." She defends which caused him to laugh and turn around to face her.

"According to you, a lot of things don’t count." he stated with air quotation marks and she knew exactly what he was talking about.

"Don’t do that Sefa, that’s not fair."

"I’m just saying." He replied with a shrug, and Sorai knew it wasn’t fair to dismiss what happened between them at the party two years ago; but the two of them made a promise.

"How was I supposed to tell anybody that-"

"You don’t have to tell nobody nothing but at least when it’s just us, we could be honest with each other. I mean, do you regret it?" he meekly asked, and Sorai couldn’t help but feel guilty, she didn’t think dismissing the event would make him think she regretted it.

"No Sefa, I don’t regret it." She assured to him softly and he flashed her a smile at her honesty.

"If you want me to be honest when it’s just us… I think about it sometimes." She confessed and there it was again.

That thick tension between the two that could barely be cut by a knife. The admission causing butterflies to swarm in her stomach and the conversation she had with Jada reemerged in her head.

"Just sometimes?" He questioned and Sorai shrugged in response.

"Do you think about it?" She meekly asked, and her shyness caused him to chuckle.

"Don’t be nervous Rai."

"I’m not! And answer the question Sefa."

He grabbed her arm to pull her flush against him before he answered quietly, "I always think about it Rai."

Goosebumps littered her skin at his admission, and she searched his eyes to see if she was being dishonest with her. But she couldn’t find anything that gave away that he was being deceitful.

"…sometimes, I want to do it again." and that made Sorai bite her lips.

She thought it was just her who felt like that. She wanted to test the theory of what would happen if she let him know that the feeling was mutual.

"Me too." She whispered out to him and with the same boldness from last time, his arms wounded around her waist and pulled her even closer to press against him. This time, though Sorai was ready.

Sliding her hands up his arms until they both wrapped around his neck and they both leaned in. Unlike last time, he grazed his lips against her to prepare her, but that was all they could do because Jada’s "WHERE THE HELL Y’ALL AT?" from upstairs caused them to break apart.

It reminded them where they were at, and even though in the moment they wanted to succumb to their weakness, they decided to press into those kinds of matters later. ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

The walk to the locker room was shorter than Sorai really wanted it to be and Jada held her hand the entire way.

“Listen, it’ll be okay. Fake it till you make it okay? And soon as you’re done we can race out of there.” Jada promised and Sorai nodded her head at her best friend. She liked that plan, and it was the only one they could come up with given the last minute heads up.

“Hey, look at me.” Jada softly asked, causing Sorai to turn and look at her. The state of panic did not leave her eyes and albeit Jada had no clue what she was walking into, she refused to let the girl she seen as a sister walk in there like that.

“…Tell me your okay and we can walk in there.”

Sorai shook her head because she wasn’t okay and she is so grateful for Jada being here for her; being so patient with her and letting her collect herself first. She didn’t know what she did to deserve her but God, was she thankful for her.

“It’ll be a big opportunity.” Jada pushes one more time, to maybe steer her mind away from the people at hand and instead to focus on her job. It works.

“If Paul sees this and he likes it then I could get another chance to Interview the main event on Raw instead of smackdown.” Sorai replies, nodding her head at the goal she just placed in her head. Jada kept her eyes on her, watching Sorai calm herself down and steady her breathing.

Sorai squeezed Jada’s hand before whispering out, “I’m okay.”

Then she knocked on the door.

Eddie opened the door, flashing both girls a smile and widening the door to let them in. “Alright, good luck ladies.” The producer stated before locking the door and walking out of the room.

What the fuck just happened? The girls thought to themselves as they took in the setting of the room. There were no cameras, no microphones, just the boys in the room, waiting for her. They just set her up.

“Sorai-“ Joe started but she was quick to cut him off.

“Is my job a joke to you, Roman?” Sorai asked, furrowing her eyebrows at him. The blood in her body starting to boil as she thought about them really setting her up.

But Joe took a step back when the name,‘Roman’ came out of her mouth. She’s calling them their stage names as if he was a stranger and he didn’t know how to feel about that, but he was determined to find out today.

“No Sorai, your job isn’t a joke to us. But you’ve been avoiding us so we didn’t know what else to do.” He answers honesty. They had to go to the extreme for this and even if they didn’t get what they were looking for, Joe made sure that she would have done at least three interviews for the next couple of shows.

“So instead, you have me come here under false circumstances. Instead of pushing myself to get more interviews, I’m here…wasting my time.”

“Baby sis we just want-“ He tried again but Sorai was quick. She had already turned her back to leave, Jada’s hand still linked with hers. Only to stop in her tracks when she finds the twins standing in front of the door.

“No more running Rai, we need to talk.” Joshua stated this time. Sorai’s demeanor was almost breaking and she didn’t want to break down in front of them. They didn’t deserve it.

“Let me out or I’ll scream.” She threatened.

“You can scream but we already warned security if they heard anything coming from this room to ignore it until the show starts.” Jon speaks up with a shrug. “It’s been two months Rai, you’ve had your space.”

Jada, who knew first hand that this could go on forever raised her hand to silence the room. “Okay, listen. Guys do you really think this is necessary?”

“Rai is family and everything can be handle within the family. Kinda hard to do when she keeps running from said family.” Joe speaks up again.

Sorai shook her head, trying to keep her thoughts from making her spiral. “What do you want from me?” She finally asked.

“What happened when we left Rai?” Josh asked, the twins has moved away from the door and walking in front of Sorai so that they could have this conversation properly.

“Nothing happen.” She dismissed with a shrug. “Is that all?”

“No. Rai, please.” Jon pleaded, taking a small step toward her, “we just want to fix it sis.”

“Did someone break your heart?” Joe asked and damn was that question, the stone to make her walls crumble.

Her lips quivered and she shrugged again. “It doesn’t matter.” She croaked out and she could see their shoulders sink in relief.

As if this wasn’t something they did per se.

“Who broke your heart sis?” Jon asked, and the tears she fought so hard to keep back spilled over.

Her eyes scanned the room one more time, making sure to make eye contact with all of them, her eyes on Sefa’s the longest before turning to face Jon again. “You did.” She whispered.

The surprise look on their faces was one to die for. Of course they don’t remember.

“Us?” Joe questioned, eyebrows furrowed in thought. “What did we do?”

“Joe, I don’t want to talk. Please.” Sorai begged, the tears still silently flowing from her eyes. “I know that you want to talk but I’m not ready. If I’m still so important to you, can you respect that?”

“Well, what are we supposed to do Rai? Just sit and let what you said just slide?” Josh spoke up this time.

Sefa couldn’t take it anymore. “Rai.” He called out, bringing the attention to him.

Her heart ached in her chest at the sound of his voice. She turned and faced him, “Sefa, please; I can’t.” She begged and his heart broke but he wanted answers too.

“Rai-“

“You promised Sefa, please.” She cried out and he sighed.

“Let her go.” He told his brothers who immediately began to disagree with him.

“No.” Josh stated

“Man what hell is you talking about?” Jon questioned

But Sefa stood his ground, even if it didn’t make sense to him either. He did it for her.

“She don’t wanna talk; just let her leave. We can’t force her to talk, that ain’t right.”

Jada seemed to agree, grabbing onto Sorai’s hand again to pull her out of the locker room.

If there’s one thing they all knew, it was that Sefa’s save was only temporary. Eventually they were going to seek the truth from her, no matter what it took.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

A/N: I’m 50/50 about this chapter. I’m not sure how I feel about it. Tried my hardest to make it better but this is what I got🤣 I hope you guys still enjoy it though cause baby this took forever to make.

Y’all know what I regularly say; Gimme love🥺🫶🏾 And Like, comment and repost if you’d like.

(If you have not been tagged for this story previously and I have tagged you now, it is because you are apart of my official taglist. If you do not want to be tagged in this story, please let me know and I can remove your tag🫶🏾 Thank you)

Tagging the lovelies: @southerngirl41 @reci1996 @skyesthebomb @christinabae @leighla3 @whatdoeseverybodywant @harmshake @yana3sworld @angiedawn02 @theninthwonder @headoftheetable @romansthrone @wrestlingprincess80 @blacst4r @alyyaanna @raya-hunter01 @paigereeder

[madwomansapologist]

a private after party | park yeon-jin

Navigation | More Park Yeon-Jin | AO3

synopsis: It was just a party for award that Lee Sa-ra received. It was huge one, full of important people. But what really mattered was how you and Yeon-jin celebrated when no one was watching.

warnings: red flags? yeah, i've noticed them. smut. rough sex. degradation. praising. thigh riding. choking. s&m. masturbation. alcohol consumption. smoking. cheating (i'm so sorry ha do-yeong you deserve so much better my king). gn!reader is also part of the asshole club.

You both could've say it was an accident. A mistake. That after hours of feasting on whatever Lee Sa-ra mixed in your glasses stopped you both from thinking straight. That it meant nothing.

But that's not true.

It wasn't a mistake. Every second spend with Yeon-jin can't be a mistake. It wasn't the first time, or the second, nor the third. It wasn't a accident. No stupid party or expensive alcohol was responsible for anything.

The fault is on you for getting away from your friends and search for a empty room in that Gallery. The fault is on you for calling Yeon-jin — by dialing her number, because touching her contact would be too easy. The fault is on her for telling Ha Do-yeong to go home earlier, that she just wants to make sure her friends get home safe. The fault is on her for climbing three flights of stairs without once thinking about turning back and heading home instead.

But when Yeon-jin locked the door, the fault was on you both.

"Red wine?" Sitting in one of the armchairs, you smirked. "Are we celebrating?"

"Sa-ra just got awarded," leaning against the door, Yeon-jin held the bottle with both hands. She took a sip, straight from the bottle, and walked over to you. "Of course we are."

You reached out, but Yeon-jin pushed the bottle away from you. She took another sip, looking deep into your eyes, before giving in. After drinking a bit, you put bottle on the corner table. "That's a pretty dress you're wearing."

Yeon-jin rolled her eyes. "I'd look better naked."

"I know you do," you smiled, and once again Yeon-jin got reminded on why she loves you so much. The way your eyes darken when you have fun, your lips curling up when you smile, all your beautiful hair. You have kind words and behaves nicely, but you're just like her. "Still, all I can think about is Monica Lewinski."

Yeon Jin slid his knee against his thigh, and then rested his hands on the armchair behind his body. Her knee came up, pressing against your panties, and the evil smile finally appeared on her face. "You're already drunk, aren't you?"

"You never cared about this before. Neither did I," you licked your lips. You tugged at the hem of your red dress. "You're perfect, but you look even better when you wear my clothes."

Yeon-jin bent down until their noses brushed. You moved forward instinctively, but she decided to explore your neck. You smelled like wine, and tasted like something sweeter.

"He didn't even noticed," Yeon-jin laughed against your skin. "And he thinks he's so smart. So above anyone else."

"I could fuck you in front of him and he still wouldn't understand a thing," you could almost sense her pussy throbing. Yeon-jin has a weak point for talking shit about her husband. "Maybe I should try next time he invites me to dinner with you both. Show him how you need to be treated."

Her eyes got darker. "And how's that?" You don't know how she does that, but she does. And often.

Your fingers tightened around her waist, forcing her to sit on your lap. You grabbed her chin, nails piercing the soft skin. Yeon-jin didn't even realize she rolled her hips against your thights. It was instinctive.

"Like a needy bitch."

Your hand went up to her neck, and you held it tightly. Her gasp vibrated up your arm. "Aren't you even going to pretend I'm wrong?" You squeezed her waist. "Won't you at least pretend not to be my little bitch?"

Yeon Jin shut you up with a kiss. She threw herself against you, her fingers pulling your hair in an attempt to bring you even closer to her, and melted against your body.

You forced her waist down, feeling how soaked the fabric of her panties already was. She leaned on your shoulders, sliding against you. Yeon-jin lifted her dress, exposing her black lingerie.

Yeon-jin has never been the type to ask for what she wants. She just takes it.

You squeezed her body, your fingers marking her ever so sensitive skin. Part of you wanted to really mark her. Sucking her neck, spanking her ass hard, scratching her back. You wanted to mark her as yours, expose to Ha Do-yeong how you managed to take from him the only thing that really mattered. How Yeon-jin was never his, always yours.

"You look so pretty underneath me," Yeon-jin moaned.

But you wouldn't do this to her.

Yeon-jin unzipped your pants, rubbing her fingers against you. With her touching you like that, looking at you like that, you couldn't help but feel complete.

But feel owned.

Yeon Jin drank more of the wine, and put the bottle in his mouth. Wine ran down your chin, dripped onto your clothes, but you didn't care. How could you?

You pulled her by her hair, bringing Yeon Jin's mouth to yours. You kissed her, making her drink the wine in your mouth, and moaned when Yeon-jin's hand became rougher. Less delicate. Just the way she knows you love it.

You're the only one that can make her head get empty. Bringing pleasure to Yeon-jin until that's all she is. A squirming little thing that only cares about having more of you. No one could replace you.

She's the only one that can make you desperate. That can turn you into something simple: into something needy. Someone that craves for her and only her. No one could make you forget her.

Open mouth, empty mind. Yeon-jin melting against your thigh, you breaking apart in her hand. Close eyes, full heart. No other drug can bring you both to ecstasy so easily.

"You're my favorite toy," Yeon-jin whimpered. A needy bitch. Your needy bitch. "My pretty, beautiful doll. You're the only one for me. You know that."

The mark of your nails on her throat were a proof of that. The stained dress on her body were a proof of that. The soaked pantie covering her used cunt were a proof of that. Yeon-jin calling your name at night, sleeping beside her husband, were a proof of that.

You took the bottle from her hand, taking a large sip. Darken eyes, curled up lips, your beautiful hair. Yeon-jin already knew what you would say, even before you opened your mouth. "I know that."

if you enjoyed, please reblog! i promise it makes a difference ♡

@ madwomansapologist.tumblr.

[m4ndysk4nkovich]

okay so i made a post (here) kind of about this a while ago, but here’s a full analysis on ian and mickey’s relationship and their struggles with abandonment and commitment issues:

as the seasons went on, one of the things made most clear about mickey milkovich, was his love language, acts of service. the way that mickey views love is that loving somebody is doing grand gestures to keep them with you. throughout the entire show, this is made clear, for example: robbing a man’s house for ian then kissing him (overcoming a huge fear of his), getting terry off of ian so that he would get more hurt than ian would, kissing ian in public, coming out for ian and getting the living shit beat out of him, (almost) murdering ian’s half-sister for calling the military police on him, snitching on a huge cartel and getting himself thrown back in prison for ian, attempting to escape prison again for ian, and eventually, faking marrying ian’s sister so that he could marry ian.

however, ian isn’t the same as mickey in that way. does ian love mickey? fuck yeah. but is ian as willing to do as much crazy shit in the name of love as mickey is? not really. it’s not that ian doesn’t love mickey or doesn’t risk a ton for mickey, because he does, he just loves mickey in a different way.

so, since mickey views love as doing grand gestures that could possibly risk everything in your life, he has a hard time understanding that people can love people in different ways that don’t involve a lot of danger. so when ian doesn’t go to mexico and doesn’t sign the marriage license, mickey feels as if ian doesn’t love him. his thought process is kind of just like i’ve done so much for ian, i’ve done everything to keep us together, but he still can’t commit, and that hurts mickey! it’s so obvious that he feels that way in 10x08 when ian says, “i wanna know how you feel!” and mickey just looks beyond pissed and hurt. and in the next episode, ian tries to explain himself, but mickey says, “no, you’re just saying that you don’t love me enough now”. to an extent, he understands that he and ian have different minds that work in very different ways, but he can’t grasp the thought of ian not signing those papers, because to him that’s a grand gesture, and a grand gesture = loving somebody.

but the reason that ian doesn’t sign the papers isn’t because he doesn’t love mickey, it’s because he’s afraid to commit. debbie tells him that he’s scared of commitment, and ian tells mickey himself that the reason he’s scared is because of his parents. and truly, it makes sense. from what we’ve seen of frank and monica, it’s been stated that they’ve been married many times; and ever since season 4 the show has made a point of showing ian’s fear of becoming his mother. and historically throughout shameless ian hasn’t had the best romantic history. he’s been with so many men that he tells a nurse that he doesn’t even know how many, we’ve seen him with men old enough to be his father- possibly even grandfather, and every single of age boyfriend (including mickey, sorry) has treated him like actual dog shit at one point. it makes sense that he’s afraid. he grew up seeing his parents fight with each other and leave each other (and their children) and then seeing his sister get into toxic relationships with men who, in ian’s words, weren’t very nice to her. his view on love is warped, and yes, he does love mickey, but loving mickey scares ian, and believe me, it scares mickey, too.

the real explanation to most of ian and mickey’s conflicts throughout the show is that ian has commitment issues and mickey has abandonment issues. they both grew up gay in abusive households on the south side, and loved each other regardless, but it was hard for them, and always will be hard.

[for-ships-that-never-sail]

Okay Y'ALL I saw Episode 5 today and these are the thoughts I jotted down while watching it (PART 1 OF 2)

Please don’t read below the cut if you are avoiding spoilers until you get to watch it yourself 

And FYI some of these may not have any context, but I guess it won’t matter cause you’ll have context in 7ish hours anyway (also sorry about how long all my thoughts and feelings are lol)

We’ve all seen the first 4 mins so that’s that - nothing extra special to add there other than that Colin’s soft voice for Pen feels like it makes my heart grow bigger every time I see it

Um what the absolute fuck was that opening title??? Have they deviated and changed that this much before?? Have I never noticed other than with the very small changes they do with adding the correct Bridgerton’s name etc?

Anthony wanting to do that one Monica scream is adorbs

LOLLLLL I love you sweet Greggy

LMAO Cressida with them BARBS

Awh Cressida I do feel for you my girl

OMFGGGGG Colin’s chat with the boys??? THIS IS MUSIC TO MY EARS!!!! SOMEONE STAB ME IN THE HEART AAAAH

And Anthony with that quick wisdom? Is it rude of me to not really have expected it from him even though I know this kind of good sense is in him? I do love you Ant! Sorry that I still think of you as SLOW to good sense because of last season lol

Also that cute and private GOSSIPY moment? LOVEEE

OH PORTIA FOR FUCKS SAKEEEEE WITH “THOSE EXACT WORDS” why are you stressing her out but also why are you STRESSING ME OUT?

BAHAHAHAHAHHSSHHAHAHASHA THAT IMMEDIATE 360 please stopppppp I have whiplash - this show has never presented something I personally see as a legitimate concern (from the character's perspective) and then proceed to resolve that issue soooo fucking fast, like that took two seconds PLEASE I’m dying, I can’t believe I thought I’d be stressed about that comment for a considerable amount of the episode? and then BAM 😂 Excellent job Colin!

For the love of god no one wants to chaperone them???? They’re just gonna go???? No one is gonna stop them? Like is she the John Cena of the Bridgerton universe?? Everyone is just like, oh look, Colin walking down the street speaking to himself, oh look he’s in a carriage, also just speaking to himself - like H'WHAT?

Having that said, yes of course get her alone and fuck her by all means if that’s what you wanna do, don’t let my hang ups about propriety and the rules of the ton stop you my boy

Omg pen my baby was so moved 🥹 She somehow hadn’t processed that whole thing even during the carriage ride? Because unless they teleported, she was just like reeling in silence until this point, just like, looking for the words???

Oh my god OH MY GOD OH MY GOD there you go Portia my mans was as clear as he could be about the exact words both indirectly and directly thank you very much

Omg STAHPPPP I can’t Col you should totally write her love letters saying this type of stuff every day - it’s what she deserves 🥹

Omg they’re so cute???!!!

Consent king!! This is so INTIMATE and CUTE!!! 🥹

Have I never seen tits bigger than like a 32B on Netflix before? Cute lil perky tits never really get registered as out there nudity I guess? Like I knowwww we saw tits the last two seasons, and I guess at the brothels this season too, which I nearly forgot, but like even 0.6 seconds of Pens tits rn feels like I’m on HBO and not Netflix? LOLLL

NO ONE HAS EVER REMOVED A BELT BETTER THAN LUKE NEWTON HAS

FUCK he’s so hot??? I’m probably equally attracted to both actors irl tbh but in the showverse Pen is just my girly and Colin was just my sweet boi too right up until he started undressing rn? Now pen is still my girly but Colin can fucking get ittttt LOLLL

Also we’ve seen him undressed before??? I don’t know what’s going on but he did the 0.0003 second belt thing and I audibly gasped and my brain suddenly went blank and now I’m just drooling over Colin and how hot he is fml

Luke Newton should probably just go around taking his shirts and belts off all the time tbh

Just in real life, stay undressing king, you’re such a treat 😍

Awh he’s got the cutest lil butt, but like…. I can’t look? I’m feeling an odd amount of… second hand embarrassment about his butt? I don’t know if that makes any sense but somehow it feels wrong to be looking at your butt Colin I’m sorry this is just like Pen’s property now you know? I shouldn’t seeeee this lol

Kinda wish they edited out that tiny bit where he moved the sheet? I assume that was for the sake of the actors/show because they can’t actually be like fully naked out here, but that tiny bit could’ve been easily edited a different way - only because I don’t want it to register like he’s covering her up? He’s not, he 100% would NEVER, but like logistically I get it, just wish the editor saw it the way I see it and took that bit out

oop JUMP SCARE Lmfaooooo my mans thought it would end before it even began 😂😂😂

Awh he’s so sweet with her - Touch me anywhere? Please they are really taking on such great parts from the books

Though on a side note I wish that this mirror idea was broken into 2 parts too? like part 1 he just says the lines from the books about wanting to grab her tits and fuck in front of a mirror but they don’t because he wants that gentle missionary first time, and then part 2 after the LW drama he actually passionately fucks her in front of the mirror, horizontally sure, but like from behind while facing the mirror? That's such an easy way to cover her up too - one arm coming from under her, wrapped around her bust to cover her there, and other arm coming over her and snaking down her belly so we know there is finger action but Nic would still be tastefully covered - this allows them to just stare at each other through the mirror the entire time which could have been sooooo hot? And I wouldn't have to suspend disbelief when it comes to her tits not touching any part of him through this whole thing lol - It’s aight though, this is what AO3 is for and I’m by no means disappointed with anything that’s happening rn

Still, circling back, is it like an actor/show rule to just show tits and not do anything else with them? Because I knowwww Colin isn’t gonna just fuck her without sucking on them titties that whole entire time, like please BE REAL for just ONE second, cause there’s absolutely nooooo way his hands and mouth wouldn’t be directly on those tits - but yeah, if it’s an actor/show thing to not do it because it might be too porny/uncomfy, I get it - I’m just looking for that realism because come onnnn there’s literally NO WAY his mouth wouldn’t be all over that LOL

Like even with their vertically challenging situation, I know my mans would fold his neck his back his spine his evvvverryyything to get his face on her tits LOLLLL

Also, sir? Everyone enjoyed your fingers but when are you going to eat my girl out? Please she deserves to see God???!!!!!

Never underestimate the power of grabbing your own dick to get it in either, it's just so fucking hot and I don’t make these rules

I personally think the carriage scene was A LOTTT spicier than this though

Sorry guys, don’t be upset or anything - I just think THAT was PASSION and THIS is LOVE

Slow and settled love - best friend love - honestly it’s how I see couples being intimate once their honeymoon phase is long over - just like, chit chatting while gentle fucking - super comfortable with each other and just not awkward at all - contently smiling and giggling afterwards, like that was all just totally normal everyday behaviour between them

It’s like they’re having a casual bestie moment, just the same as walking around in a market or gossiping in a ballroom

When you really think on it though, it’s so cool that a first time can be this way because you’ve just been best friends your whole life

Anyway, no furniture break I’m afraid

[teddypickerry]

hii could I pls request Rachel x fem r, maybe they fight about something and up making out ? Thank u in advance

𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑 𝐌𝐘 𝐒𝐊𝐈𝐍.

pairing: rachel green x fem! reader

warnings: none. kind of enemies to lovers but nothing bad 🫶

a/n: changed this request up a little bit, but either way we love a rachel fic!!! we need more. i love my gf <33 this is my worse piece ever guys IM SORRY.

keep it up w the requests!!!

word count: 1.3k

THE MOMENT rachel green strutted through central perk in her wedding gown you vowed to hate her for the rest of your life. her vigorous whining and confusion of common things you learned when you were seven years old were your new normal. it amazed you how the show stopping girl was so out of touch with the world. which is probably why she got so much on your nerves.

it started exactly two weeks ago when you were discussing your best friend chandler's dream, it seemed like moments later the woman bursted through the door begging for monica, your other best friend. you had heard little to nothing about the messy haired woman from your friends. just some comments made when you found monica's old yearbook in your own apartment years ago, and a few compliments on ross's behalf. but the moment the girl walked in the coffee shop she acted like she owned monica. and you didn't like sharing.

despite the moving in without talking to monica, your dark haired friend seemed to not mind one bit as she cleaned out the spare bedroom for the preppy woman. there was multiple times you asked monica (once rachel left the room of course) if she was one hundred percent sure it was okay for her friend to barge in like that. "she has no one, y/n. she doesn't even have two dollars to her name. she was my best friend for years. i'm sure." monica had responded as she made the guest bed. you opened your mouth to reply only to be interrupted before you could even speak. "monica, the mail man gave me his number!" rachel had announced as she entered the room, noticing the pink pillow covers. "do you have any satin covers? it works best for my hair." all you could do was roll your eyes as you went to bug chandler to make you a sandwhich.

the next day, you arrived at monica's in the mid afternoon after work. it was a long and stressful day as per usual. your typical day. the moment you opened the purple door you noticed the girl sat at the table, a hand through her hair as the other balanced a pen. "oh, hey y/n. where have you been all day?"

"um, work. like every other person who doesn't rely on 'daddy's credit card'." you spoke as you made your way to the fridge, pulling out a drink. you heard a dramatic huff as she dropped the pen to the table and turned to you. "and what is that supposed to mean?"

"for your information, y/n, i am not blonde. i have dirty blonde hair. completely different things, practically a brunette." she scoffed as you ignored her words and made your way over towards the couch. you plopped down as you heard her follow you and stand in front of you. "and, i don't rely on my daddy's money. look at me now."

"wow, you've been without your credit card for seventeen hours you should win an award." you spoke sourly as you crossed your arms. rachel shook her head as she put her hands on her hips. "what's your problem?"

you stayed silent as she huffed dramatically once more. your eyes looked up into hers for the first time since she walked through the coffee shop. blue eyes, bright blue eyes. ones that could make one swoon. you understood now why she was the popular high school girl like ross had told you years ago. she was easily one of the prettiest girls you'd ever seen. "i'm waiting."

your words settled in her mind for a moment. the silence of the room killing the both of you. you tried to stand your confident ground but there was something unsettling about calling out the woman who's smile vanished like that. "you think i have a smile that could make everyone fall on their knees?"

you genuinely couldn't believe how self-centered she had to be to say that to you. especially to respond to that part, out of your whole speech. but then she did that smile. that smile that made you want to fall to your knees. her lips curved ever so slightly, the brown lipgloss you were sure she took from monica glossing her lips. her teeth showing so slightly but they were perfectly white. so pretty. her cheeks lightly blushed with makeup she had in her purse. she looked down on you with a sparkle in her eye.

"you like me," rachel smiled simply as she walked away. you pressed your lips together as your eyebrows furrowed and you turned to watch her sit back down at the kitchen table. "what? did you hear nothing i said?"

"yeah, i heard a girl just begging for another girl. i'm flattered really," the blonde girl hummed as she picked up the newspaper and looked through the job section. her silence only infuriated you as you stood up and made your way over to the table. "rachel."

"hm?" the girl hummed as she glanced up at you. you felt the urge to gulp at her eyes on you. there was something nerve wrecking about the way she was looking at you. "i-" you huffed, causing air to come out of your nose. "i hate you."

"yeah?" rachel replied innocently as she stood up and made her to you. which was only a foot away from herself. there was barely any space between the two of you as she got closer and closer. becoming prettier and prettier the closer she had become. her nose nearly brushed yours as you felt her breath on your neck. "do you hate me enough to... not kiss me?"

and that was enough to envelope her in a life threatening kiss. wrapping your arms around her as she cupped your face with one hand and held your pant belt hole with the other. your lips moved in perfect union. the taste of rachel's lip gloss was cozy in your own mouth, it reminded you of hot chocolate on a chilly winter evening. if only rachel were there wrapped in you with a warm blanket, now that would be a perfect winter evening.

"OH MY GOD. MY DREAM CAME TRUE, CHANDLER!" you heard a familiar scream making you yank away from the girl, seeing your group of five standing their in awe. because yeah, you were making out with rachel green.

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

what is your second most favorite otp from any series?

AAAAAAHHHHH, DON'T DO THIS TO ME! There are some many pairings I love in so many books, movies, series, soap-operas, etc.

*sighs* Okay, gun to my head, there's three, in no particular order that I absolutely ADORE, have made me cry, and that I legitimately don't understand how anyone could watch these shows and not ship them (spoilers for Friends, How I Met Your Mother and The Borgias, respectively)

Monica and Chandler

Because I was just 4-years-old when Friends final season was aired, I already knew these two were going to be endgame when I watched the show - and it didn't take long for me to see the appeal, even when they were still supposed to be just friends.

They're just so affectionate with each other right from the start, cuddling on the couch, helping each other out - and Chandler just casually says stuff like "If neither of us is married when we're fourty, I'm totally willing to marry and have a kid with you just so you get the family you want" and actively tries PROVE to her he is boyfriend material and they make a game out of it??????? Genius. Perfect. Amazing.

And then it happens, they hook up and right away they're couple goals. Can't keep their hands off each other, are super clingy, all of their friends find them ridiculously adorable, Chandler matures A LOT and Monica is very patient with him because she knows he's used to hiding any emotional turmoil behind a sarcastic joke, and they can joke about and tease each other without either of them being too mean or too sensitive.

Also their conflicts never last more than one or two episodes and they never break up after first getting together, and it was a breath of fresh air coming from the same show that gave us Ross and Rachel.

Barney and Robin

They have INSANE chemistry, Robin was the only woman Barney was truly willing to change for, and Barney was the one guy Robin was with that ever truly liked her for who she was.

They. Deserved. So. Much. Better.

Seriously, I can't get over how unfair their ending was. There's a reason I tell Zutarians to give this show a watch before they complain about how their ship, that was never even canon, was "robbed of it's happy ending."

We see Barney and Robin being teased as potentially having at least a fling someday as early as season 1, they finally hook up in season 3, season 4 is all about him struggling with being in love with her, seasons 5-7 are all about them dating then breaking up while still being very much in love yet never properly reconciliating because life gets in the way, season 8 is them getting engaged and being adorably happy together, the 9th and final season is THE WEEKEND OF THEIR WEDDING and them working through every last issue they still have to make sure they will a long, happy life together as a married couple...

Then the finale goes and says "Actually, they divorced off-screen because their hotel room had no wi-fi. Sorry." WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT? It's really no wonder the network cancelled the planned spin-off right after the finale aired.

Cesare and Lucrezia

Ah yes, a Nichya list of great ships includes a pair of siblings, specifically Older Brother X Young Sister, who would have thought? This time a kind of, sort of historical one! (Seriously, The Borgias is the kind of over-dramatic, historically inaccurate period piece I love wasting my time with, and the aesthetic is incredible).

Even as someone who is very into that kind of dynamic and that knew the show was gonna go there, I was still SHOCKED at how unsubtle is right from the start - especially once I found out the writer didn't want to play up the sexual tension originally.

Somehow, the first time we see these two on screen, Lucrezia is spying on her brother as he has sex and once he notices he playfully chases her around the garden, berating her for spying on him AGAIN, and then when they're on the ground together he just casually admits to loving her more than he loves God????????????????????????????? NORMAL SIBLING BEHAVIOR, EVERYBODY! NOTHING WEIRD GOING ON HERE!

I adore how protective (and possessive) Cesare is of her, ready to commit murder at the very thought of a man mistreating her - yet he is still willing to step aside when he thinks she found a good man, because nothing matters to him more than Lucrezia's happiness, not even his own. It just so happens that he always has to step in again because nobody loves her quite to insane degree he does, and thus she only feels truly safe, happy and loved with him, hence her saying "Only a Borgia can truly love a Borgia."

And they, legitimately, are insepareble. They're always close to each other, holding hands, hugging, cuddling, KISSING - all long before they're ready to admit, even to themselves that they're in love.

They are so clueless about what level of physical affection is normal between relatives that they made out in front of her husband and were surprised he found out about their incestuous affair.

And more importantly, thanks to the show being cancelled after season 3 instead of getting the planned fourth season, they never broke up! The show literally ends with them in each other's arms, accepting their love. I couldn't have asked for literally anything else.

[filmmarvel]

PJO Series Overall Thoughts + Pros and Cons

Disclaimer! First of all, there are a lot more cons than pros here, and if you loved the show and don’t want to hear my criticism just keep scrolling. Second, I’m not someone to complain just because it isn’t exactly how it was in the book! I have quite a range of feelings about story changes. In regard to the ones I’ve listed as cons, i’m just irritated that they haven’t been able to match the book in frankly any capacity. I believe that if you’re making changes, it should be a) out of necessity, b) to improve upon the material, or c) taking positive creative license to try a new spin on an element from the source material. But the changes I’m complaining about, for the most part, haven’t met any of those requirements.

Pros:

Sets and Visuals

It was so magical seeing camp come to life!

The Underworld looks fantastic, the visuals are super cool, especially the Fields of Asphodel. That was a really cool spin on the books- the CGI was pretty good, and the concept there was really interesting.

Olympus was very cool looking too! It reminded me of Asgard.

Overall I Just Think There’s Lots of Potential!

Since the leads are fairly inexperienced (and kids), you can’t expect them to be incredible. They’re doing just fine, but I think they have a lot of potential, and I’m excited to see them grow over the course of the series!

Generally I still really like the casting and have high hopes for these actors, I just wish (for our sake and theirs) that they had better material to work with.

Plot Changes

This ones kind of a pro AND a con: Generally, I really like the flashbacks! They add a lot more depth to Sally, and her relationships with Percy and Poseidon. That being said, the episodes typically feel far too short to be adding material that wasn’t in the books. I thought it was fantastic in episode 7, but in other episodes it didn’t quite work when so much else was cut, or there were opportunities left untaken as a result.

I also liked that they included a few flashbacks with Luke in the finale- there was so much training and time at camp that didn’t fit into the first two episodes.

They got rid of the “names have power” stuff which is great (never made sense in the books).

They did a really nice job humanizing Medusa, but still creating conflict with her, and simultaneously setting up further issues with the gods.

I also agreed with their decision to move the fight from Santa Monica to Montauk, to save time.

Cons:

Dialogue and Writing

The dialogue is definitely less charming than in the books. It’s a huge part of what makes them fun, and the dialogue here is honestly pretty bland. The characters don’t totally feel like themselves, but it isn’t only the acting. Forcing the characters to be explaining stuff to each other nearly every time they have a conversation makes them a lot less personable.

Honestly, this series feels kind of elementary in comparison to the middle grade books. I’d imagine that, like the books, they were aiming to create something that could be enjoyed by young kids and adults alike. But I didn’t find it as successful as the book in this regard.

And the dialogue is consistently so surface level! Stiff, boring, and above all, CONSTANTLY telling over showing. This affects the likability of the characters, and the ability of the actors. Both parties are deterred by the info dumping, as they aren’t really given as many genuine lines or interactions as they should have.

Honestly, it kind of feels a bit like they gave some of Percy’s personality to Annabeth in parts of the show? I saw someone else point out that they’re kind of giving Annabeth the Hermione treatment (ie giving her some of the other characters good moments), which I kind of agree with. However, a lot of that was towards the beginning and middle of the season and has somewhat improved since.

I posted a whole rant earlier about the Lotus Casino episode, which I’ll just summarize: theres a consistent pattern in the show of having the characters figure out what’s going on immediately, removing the danger, and more importantly, not allowing the characters to make mistakes, which weakens both them and the plot. In addition, I didn’t like that they brought up May Castellan already, primarily because it was just another info dump, which (in my mind) gets lost amongst all the other info dumps and removes the poignancy from the reveal. Now, there’s absolutely time to fix the May Castellan situation and ensure that it still packs a punch later on, but for this season it wasn’t great. Go check out my last post if you’d like to hear the rest of my argument on that episode!

Some additional examples of the ‘not letting the characters experience danger’ thing: Procrustes (obviously), and Kronos- forget whether or not Percy should know who Kronos is, the biggest issue is that there’s very little evidence or buildup, so (again) there’s no tension or shock at the reveal. And finally, with Luke. I was so annoyed when Percy figured it out! I could’ve believe that they were doing it AGAIN. I still enjoyed that scene because Walker and Charlie were great, but that was disappointing for sure.

The thing with the pearls honestly amounted to nothing, and there was no reason for Annabeth to not be present in the underworld: that was just a tearjerker for the sake of being a tearjerker (manufactured drama).

Lowering the Stakes

I just wish they’d made it SLIGHTLY more mature- don’t get me wrong, it’s a kids show! I’m very well aware of that! But this feels a lot tamer than a lot of kids (PG) movies involving monsters and stuff.

Gabe was a real piece of shit in the books, but in the show they just kinda made him look lazy and turned him into comic relief. And I don’t believe in the argument that they had to make this change to benefit a younger audience- they didn’t really need to change anything there.

Throughout the majority of the season, I felt like they weren’t allowing the gods to be truly intimidating, or powerful. First with Ares, who wasn’t BAD but generally didn’t have that kind of dramatic presence that he had in the books. Again with Hades, who wasn’t shown as being REMOTELY intimidating, and perhaps the biggest offense of all- Zeus. Having the deadline pass with seemingly zero consequence or threat of consequence does absolutely nothing (and certainly doesn’t increase tension like I’m pretty sure Rick Riordan said was their reason for changing it). Up until the finale, viewers had very few reasons to fear the Gods. Even Dionysus and Hephaestus! In the books there’s a clear line- you can interact with them, but you DONT want to offend them. There’s a clear threat of power, and that just wasn’t remotely present for a while.

And again, I just want to clarify- this is an overall writing problem! It’s not that Ares, or any other one of the gods I just mentioned has a different personality than in the books, it’s that a show like this (KIDS OR NOT) should still be compelling, and part of that includes having real danger and clear stakes.

I would add that they did a much better job with this in the finale! Lance Reddick gave such an amazing performance, and truly made Zeus an intimidating figure. The fight on the beach with Ares was great as well. So I’m optimistic about this criticism moving into season 2, but I stand by the idea that this was an issue for the majority of the series.

Overall, it felt like they weren’t taking the serious parts seriously, AND they didn’t take the comedy as seriously either? So it isn’t as lighthearted OR as impactful as the books. It feels so much more bland and watered down by comparison.

Episodes Were Too Short

Everything just flowed really well in the books, here the pacing is off and the dialogue isn’t as natural (again, they’re forced to rely on a lot of telling instead of showing which takes away from genuine moments). Many character details and personality traits were cut for the sake of additional verbal explanation

As many others have pointed out, the fight scenes also feel pretty rushed, and haven’t quite conveyed the sense of urgency that they should. It all just lowers the stakes.

This Ones Kind of a Joke, but the Casting for Hephaestus

It’s mostly my book bias. This guy was NOT giving Hephaestus. Mainly because Hephaestus is the god of the forge, and I can’t picture this guy anywhere near one of those. He kind of looked like one of Santa’s elves, he’s giving tinkerer not GOD of the FORGE. This is also something they can absolutely fix/win me over in time lmao

Changes

I already mentioned most of the changes (good and bad) already, but there’s one more. I kind of wish they had kept Percy’s dream about Tartarus, especially given that they decided to have Percy figure out Kronos is behind it all earlier- it just would’ve clicked a little easier.

Finishing Thoughts

I don’t want to totally sound like a hater! I’m still enjoying the series, and I really hope it gets renewed for season 2! I was just disappointed in the weak writing. I hope that the writers will be able to recognize these flaws and improve for season 2.

Alright, I don’t really expect anyone to read this whole thing, but if you made it: thanks for reading! I’m curious to hear your thoughts, so I’d really appreciate comments, just keep it civil!

[nidakhurshidupdates]

Love for Latika on The Winchesters

Nida was interviewed on Silence on Set by Monica Gleberman to discuss working with Jensen and Danneel Ackles, portraying a Pakistani lead character, and silly behind the scenes antics on set.

Excerpt from Nida's interview:

"It's such an honor being a Pakistani woman as a lead on a network television show. I have dreamed of this for so long and to be able to say that ... because I always wanted that when I was growing up. I always wanted to sort of see someone who looked like me on television and wasn't just playing, you know, the gas station attendant, so to do that is— I mean, it feels like I'm on cloud nine every day on set and it's such an honor and I don't take this lightly. ... I look forward to expanding on Lata more and showing more of, like, the powerful woman that she is because I think she's learning so much about herself and throughout the course of season one. You know, her putting on the armor of being polite all the time and kind [is] a cover for all of the shit she's been through in her past. ... At a certain point, we can't just be that version all the time, and I look forward to sort of peeling back all of those layers and seeing more of the cracks within her because I think there's such a stigma behind [not wanting to] show our cracks and our flaws and all the other shades of ourselves, but that's what makes us human and relatable, and that's what's gonna attract us to other likeminded people."

Source: Silence on Set

[andmaybegayer]

Project “Let’s watch every single Fast & Furious movie”

The series is still finding its feet and not entirely sure what it wants to be. It has however decided that this one should contain a truly incredible amount of homoerotic subtext.

2 Fast 2 Furious (2003)

We check back in with Brian, who is street racing for a living in Miami now that he is no longer a cop. Ludacris, is here, for some reason. The FBI show up and put our boy over a barrel until he helps them investigate another crime ring, with his car.

The cinematography and general visual language is much more mature, they've figured out how to shoot cars driving and in particular races in a way that better conveys relative position, advantage, and speed. No more undercranked footage, much more medium to wide shots of cars weaving past each other, as well as some complicated composited motion shots.

If you look for this movie on Tumblr you mostly find gifs of Devon Aoki in her girlboss pink Honda S2000. And yeah, I get it, this look kicks ass. The leather skirt and thigh highs with garters or whatever that is really screams 2003.

Right, the plot. Even more so than last time, the core plot is extremely mid. Brian is over a barrel, and needs to help the FBI investigate a drug lord, in exchange for them forgetting about him. He doesn't trust a cop to partner with him so he gets them to offer a deal to his old boyfriend Roman, with whom he had a falling out many years ago. The two of them go undercover smuggling money for the drug lord and eventually work through their differences and get the guy. Big whoop.

Far more interesting is how the interpersonal relationship of Brian and Roman is handled. These two feel like a couple who dated all through high school and broke up over a nasty disagreement when they were 19 and never really got over each other. The first time they meet they physically throw down and it looks like this.

Just straight guy things. I made a crack about 2 bi 2 curious in the last post and I was like "someone has to have made this joke before" and a) not really it looks like only a couple tweets but b) it led me to this short video essay on a bisexual reading of 2 Fast 2 Furious. I don't agree with all its finer points and I think the author completely misread some sections of the movie but you'll find far more agreement than disagreement from me with this one.

Carrying on, there's a lot of the awkward "I want to trust you, and I know I should be able to trust you, but I don't trust you" between these two. It's great, if you want to watch two very pretty guys go insane over each other for an hour and a half, this is a movie for you. I'm going to reiterate a lot of what's said in this video because it's all very obvious.

Before we continue, I need to note that what you don't see, oddly, is really any kind of coherent heterosexual romantic subplot. Like, there's one there, they do parts of it, but it's almost homeopathic. It's purely there to check the box. Monica is an undercover cop who's been with the drug lord for like a year and, in theory, Brian is attracted to her. There's discussion of this, he checks her out, they make bedroom eyes at each other, the drug lord gets jealous, it's a whole thing, but mostly you see that Roman is worried that Brian is going to do something stupid because he's attracted to her.

In the above video the author misinterprets one scene as Brian sleeping with Monica but they do not actually fuck! She shows up in the early morning to tell Brian that he's going to be betrayed but they do not, in fact, fuck! This is important to me because man, there's so little of that subplot going on. This subplot barely develops at all, they don't talk to each other much, and when they do it's only the barest flirting.

At one point Brian does a driving stunt to impress Monica and when he's done, Roman pulls up and goes "oh, he did that stunt? He learned that one from me." which. Come on there's no way to read that that doesn't at least suggest that maybe Roman did it to hit on Brian when they were younger.

Speaking of car stunts, those are used to convey character a lot better in this movie. Dishonorable side characters drive in annoying ways in races to make themselves hard to pass, Brian and Roman do a whole elaborate game of one-upsmanship during their driving audition for the drug lord, and a doubles drag race with high stakes serves as a major bonding moment where they learn to trust each other. There's much, much less plot and character going on explicitly but I think the photography and the storytelling are working together more closely in this movie.

The movie seems to care less about the cars themselves though. The Lancer and Eclipse they drive for much of the movie are not particularly attractive nor particularly powerful cars, and the Challenger and Camaro they pick up later are more plot device than eye candy, unless you're really into American Muscle I guess. The initial race includes Suki's S2000 and Brian's Skyline that both very quickly end up sidelined, you don't see much of them again. There is much less time spent in garages and at races here, which is part of why the core plot feels like a lot of other action movies where the protagonist is a criminal helping the cops. I wonder if some of this is down to appealing to a wider audience who may just not give a shit about the finer distinctions between the Honda Civic EF and EX hatch.

There's a beautiful sunset scene where Brian and Roman just talk it out for a few minutes and settle their differences, come to terms, and finally trust each other again. I know I'm pretty much only talking about this one relationship but it's pretty much the only part of the movie with any depth, and the other parts only gain value in their proximity to it.

The final sequence is a huge endurance run across Florida that is a lot of fun to watch and includes a very funny scene where they scramble like, a hundred cars as a distraction to throw the police off. If you watch you can see that they really just grabbed whatever cars they could find to pad out the shot, there's like three or four PT Cruisers hidden in here.

The final run is mostly a show of the reformed trust between these two, it's great, it's a decent culmination of what's been building up through the whole show, they get their freedom, together, and resolve to move on together.

The whole movie really hangs on this relationship, it elevates it from a solid 5/10 "absolutely mid action movie" to a 7/10 "compelling characters you will think about later" type deal.

[spocks-evil-godmother]

Rating Call the Midwife Characters because I have watched nine and a half seasons and I can

Jenny - girl you got us rolling but you were mediocre af 5/10

Trixie - somehow she is the best and worst of femininity at all times and is just like. Amazing and I love her and also god my eyes are broken from rolling them too hard 8/10

Chummy - truly one of the most perfect women of all time but she married a cop (alas) 8/10

Shelagh - do I forgive her for abandoning her vows and running off to be with the man she loves? No. But do I adore her anyways? Yes 7/10

Dr. Turner - here is the thing. I don't forgive him either. But also he's A GOOD MAN and I LIKE HIM A LOT. I feel like people think that the reason he's hot is because of his face but it's actually because in his decade of service he has never once talked down to or ignored the expertise of his midwife colleagues and listens to women so although he's not one of the girlies he can also have 7/10

While we're here, Tim - you were the most interesting when you had polio and aspirations of a mother sorry bud 4/10

Patsy - on the one hand she was a lesbian, which gives her high marks, but I don't remember, like, anything else about her so.... 6/10

Barbara - FUCKING BARBARA GHSKALAALFB I DON'T EVEN KNOW. But like I can't blame her for leaving the show when I love Ghosts even more. 6/10 despite everything.

Phyllis - nurse Crane my beloved. I respect her. She's very organized and practical and I do just feel like organized, practical women are great. Anyways no need to read into that at all 9/10

Valerie - VALERIE. Valerie. She was cool but I feel like she just... never got an arc. she got some trauma and some woes definitely but idk about an arc. 6/10

Lucille - she is SO NICE but she doesn't believe in SINNING which makes me sad but she's a sweetheart and is so kind during the bad times 7/10

Cyril - I have always loved that part where he's a pastor but only on the inside lol 6/10

Fred Buckle - truly a perfect man. No notes 10/10

Violet Buckle - I am so obsessed with Violet. I feel like the only reason she is nice is because she is married to Fred but if she was just introduced to the show, unattached, then she would be what we in showbiz call an Antagonist and yet she still lets it pop up sometimes 5/10

Reggie - I love him 7/10

Mrs. Higgins - desperately want to know what kind of lady this actress is irl because she is either absolutely hilarious or completely unhinged but as a character I don't care for her 3/10

Sister Julienne - um she's my mom and also she's your mom and maybe she's everyone's mom and ever since she went to see The Sound of Music by herself to showcase her crisis of faith I have just completely melted about her 15/10

Sister Evangelina - I JUST WANT TO BE A MEAN NUN WHEN I GROW UP BECAUSE OF HER SHE'S SO GOOD I LOVE HERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR 50/10

Sister Mary Cynthia - she was SO GOOD and then..... god. 5/10 heartbreak emoji

Sister Winifred - 😬 ummm I just didn't care. Sorry 3/10

Sister Hilda - not even Sister Julienne's bff smh 4/10

Sister Frances - BABY NUN!!!! SHE IS THE BABY NUN WITH PCOS I LIKE HER A LOT!!! BABY NUN!!! 11/10

And yes I know you are all obviously waiting for the most important character of the whole show and who just lives on another level compared to every other character because she is

SISTER MONICA JOAN - MY HEART MY SOUL MY MIND MY STRENGTH I AM SITTING ON THE COUCH NEXT TO YOU AND WE ARE ARGUING ABOUT WHAT TO WATCH ON TV TOGETHER AND SHE GETS TO BE A HERETIC AS A LITTLE TREAT ALWAYS 1000/10 💖🙌🤩😘💕 SISTER MONICA JOAN WOOOOOOOOO

[crestfallercanyon]

I got tagged in some questions from @callivich and while I didn't answer all of them, I've got some! (I also kept these answers Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich centric, though I did have a couple thoughts about just the show generally haha). Anyway --

What’s a fic you’ve read more than once? makes a cathedral, him pressing against me and then the companion piece and we will be like sailors, swimming in the sound of it by misandrywitch and intimatelyrearranged respectively -- they're just really good post-mickey's-coming-out-fics which I tend to love every rendition but those ones are really good (also I, like many tumblr people, love richard siken, so it had me hooked from the start)

What’s a headcanon you can’t stop thinking about? I love the idea that Ian gets really into photography. I think when he's settled in life he takes a lot of photos He's a sentimental guy, I think he's someone who would definitely have photos of his family in his wallet, and would just love taking pictures. (I also like the idea of when he is struggling, maybe going through a manic phase, this propensity to take photos is helpful for his family to find him and figure out what mental state he's in because the photos are kind of all over the place or of things that aren't there). And then ever since finding out Noel Fisher actually plays the piano, I love the idea that Mickey always wanted to play piano. (and that after expressing this desire that was when Terry tattooed his knuckles as an attempt to quash this dream). It's something I may explore in a fic later on.

What’s an idea you’d love to create if you had the time/inspiration? I have a bajillion but we'll stick with two that I'm not actually currently trying to write -- Kind of a strange idea, but I loved -- especially earliest seasons -- Sheila Jackson. Her struggle with agoraphobia was really heartwrenching (I love the scene where she finally leaves the house for the first time both for Liam and for Karen -- she's just someone who I rooted for then so uncomplicatedly). Anyway, I have an idea where Mickey, before Terry's dead but maybe safely with the Gallaghers, starts to develop agoraphobia like Sheila Jackson had. He finally feels safe at home and he starts to really fear the outside world, and it sneaks up on him, because he's supposed to be fine right? But he's not. He keeps repressing this fear and now it's coming out in this way of being unable to leave the house. And Ian -- from Fiona -- thinks to call Sheila Jackson. With Sheila's help, Ian and her and Mickey actually have interactions. I just think it'd be a really interesting dynamic, because Sheila was so motherly and kind and Mickey I think would hate that at first, but it's also kind of the care he should have had? Anyways, it's strange, but I'd love to explore it. The other one I have is a North American Western Au. Usually I don't write modern-world-setting canon in other contexts but for gallavich I have ideas. And I love western aus, I've written one for another fandoms, it's just fun. Maybe a small town where Ian was a sheriff but he struggles with his disorder and so he resigned; and then Mickey is part of the Milkovich gang that's raising hell all throughout the state but ends up finding Ian and... well if I ever actually write it you'll see.

What’s a plot hole you wish had been answered or resolved? I just wish the show would talk about characters that left more often. Or things that happened in their past more often. The only one they seemed to have done a decent job with in the beginning is Jimmy-Steve. But like, why the heck don't they mention Mandy? Or Karen? Or... ANYONE? That and there are events that should absolutely be referenced again. All of the shit with 3.6 at some point could probably use a rehash of trying to process that trauma. The characters talk a bit about what happened with Monica, or Fiona when Ian and Lip were kids, in later seasons they should be telling the stories of what happened in the early seasons to Liam or Carl or Franny or whoever. I understand many shows drop things for sake of the future plots, but as Shameless is a family drama, things that are dramatic in the family I think could have maintained their relevance for longer. Especially since Shameless has such a brilliant focus on generational trauma and how the kids are, in many ways, going to become their parents in some aspects (but how much so is up to them) it would have been neat for them to actually discuss some of the scars they earned during the show.

What scene or moment do you feel isn’t discussed enough? I don't know how much more it could be discussed, but I want to discuss it lmao -- but when Mickey says "missed ya", with the cigarette in his mouth and Ian responds with "really?" To me, it's the first time that Mickey says something real to Ian about their relationship, really the first acknowledgment that there's something to miss. He says this, and it's something he's said with no ulterior motive that he knows will make Ian happy, really for only the sake of making Ian happy. It will probably get him laid because this is Ian and they're both horny teenagers, but there's no guarantee, and that's clearly not why he's saying it. The best part of the interaction, though? The way Mickey smiles because he knows Ian's going to be thrilled. That like preemptive "watch this" and then he says it. I just, there's something really sweet about the interaction in a way that Mickey never let himself be previously.

What line/dialogue/description from something else (a poem, a book, a tv show, a movie, or something else) do you feel describes Ian and Mickey’s relationship? There's also a song aptly named "Goodnight Chicago" by Rainbow Kitten Surprise that immediately had me thinking about these two. Here's one verse: "...I killed a man there, in spite, and when he died, I took his place/eighteen made you callous to the kisses that you gave/a course exchange, a cause for blame, and I stood out in the rain/You killed a man there, and I cried, but the rain masked the hurt behind your face/by the way dear, we're alive, and it hurts 'cause we survived."

I'm going to leave this as an open tag and also reference the original questions from callivich because there's some great ones! I did a reblog because I figured this would be overwhelming if I answered on their asks. But please go ahead and answer and hope you enjoyed what you've read here lol. <3

[brw]

this is ur chance to infodump abt aeon flux bc i have no idea what it is

okay. overview is. it's an animated MTV show that aired in the early to mid 90s (91–95) with very heavy inspirations from anime (the creator is korean-american i believe) and german expressionism. it runs on literally nothing but pure, hard vibes. the title character dies in every episode of the second season and only season 3 has feature length, voice-acted episodes. it has incredibly progressive discusses of gender and depictions of sexuality for its time that are nicely casual.

it follows æon flux, an assassin from the neighbouring city of monica where everyone dresses like hellfire gala (that's the comics not stranger things) patrons. what she's doing is always left ambiguous but she moves like a freak and looks like a freak and i love her so much. once she tries to backflip off a ladder and lands flat on her face and looks so embarrassed and i love her. I love her so so so much. the only other properly consistent character is trevor goodchild, her boytoy / fascist dictator boyfriend she's sometimes beating the shit out of. trevor is terrible and i love him dearly. he reminds me of the post someone made praising arcane for having sneaky, manipulative but physically weak men and aggressive, violent physical woman. that's trevor and æon all over.

the thing is. i cannot describe most of the most iconic scenes without it sounding like a porn parody of itself. and i say that will so much love but woof. there is like... this scene where æon wants eggs and goes through her fridge (the only thing other than the egg container is a cooked chicken btw) and there aren't any eggs so she looks around and finds her Trevor, who is a literal dictator war criminal, curled up into this tiny cupboard and eating raw eggs off the floor of it nude in a collar. and that scene lasts for all of 15 seconds and im still struggling to decipher it. trevor literally killed æon in the prior episode but now he's here. nude and eating her eggs uncooked and slurping them from the floor of this fucking cupboard. and this happens a lot so you can appreciate why describing the content of the episodes is difficult because i genuinely go "hey wait a minute. what the fuck" a LOT but it makes it super fun.

They made a more SFW, linearly told movie with Charlize Theron and objectively it's terrible but I'm kind of obsessed with it. The costume and set design is GORGEOUS and while he's extremely generic looking Trevor does at least seem like he would eat raw eggs nude so there's that.

anyway until season 3 all the episodes are like 5 minutes long (maybe watch the 12 minute one afterward bc the end is uh super fucking weird) and even season 3 is like 20 something minutes so. if this at all interests you. consider viewing it i have A Legal Link pinned now so i can convince more people 🫡😁😁

[trinimusicophile]

Beyoncé - Partition

Lemme hear you say "Hey Ms. Carter" (Hey, Ms. Carter!) Say, "Hey, Ms. Carter!" (Hey, Ms. Carter!) Give me some!

See me up in the club with fifty-eleven girls Posted in the back, diamond fangs in my grill Brooklyn brim with my eyes sittin' low Every boy in here with me got that smoke And every girl in here got to look me up and down All on Instagram, cake by the pound Circulate the image every time I come around G's up, tell me how I'm lookin' babe

Boy this all for you, just walk my way Just tell me how it's lookin' babe, just tell me how it's lookin' babe I do this all for you baby just take aim And tell me how it's lookin babe, and tell me how it's lookin' babe Lookin' babe

Drop the bass, mane, the bass get lower Radio say speed it up I just go slower High like treble, pumping on them mids Ya man ain't never seen a booty like this And why you think ya keep my name rollin' off the tongue 'Cause when he wanna smash, I'll just write another one I sneezed on the beat and the beat got sicker Yoncé all on his mouth like liquor Yoncé all on his mouth like liquor Yoncé all on his mouth like liquor Yoncé all on his mouth like liquor Like, like liquor, like, like, like liquor Yoncé all on his mouth like liquor Yoncé all on his mouth like liquor Yoncé all on his mouth like liquor Like, like liquor, like, like, like liquor

Beyoncé, Beyoncé? Are you happy to be in Paris? (Are you happy to be in Paris?) Beyoncé, Beyoncé? Beyoncé, Beyoncé?

Drums Drop, drop, drop

Driver roll up the partition please (partition, please) Driver roll up the partition please I don't need you seeing 'Yonce on her knees Took forty-five minutes to get all dressed up We ain't even gon' make it to this club Now my mascara running, red lipstick smudged Oh, he so horny, yeah, he want to fuck He popped all my buttons and he ripped my blouse He Monica Lewinski'd all on my gown

Whoa there daddy, daddy didn't bring the towel Whoa baby, baby we better slow it down Took forty-five minutes to get all dressed up And we ain't even gon' make it to this club

Take all (take all) Of me (of me) I just wanna be the girl you like, girl you like The kind of girl you like, girl you like Take all (take all) Of me (of me) I just wanna be the girl you like, girl you like The kinda girl you like is right here with me Right here with me, right here with me, right here with me, right here with me

Driver roll up the partition fast (partition fast, partition fast) Driver roll up the partition fast Over there, I swear I saw them cameras flash Handprints and footprints on my glass Handprints and good grips all on my ass Private show with the music blasting He like to call me Peaches when we get this nasty Red wine drip, we'll talk that trash Chauffeur eavesdropping trying not to crash

Whoa, there daddy, daddy now you ripped my fur Whoa, baby, baby be sweating out my hair Took forty-five minutes to get all dressed up And we ain't even gon' make it to this club

Take all (take all) Of me (of me) I just wanna be the girl you like, girl you like The kind of girl you like, girl you like Take all Of me I just wanna be the girl you like, girl you like The kinda girl you like is right here with me

Right here with me, right here with me, right here with me, right here with me

Hello! Est-ce que tu aimes le sexe? Le sexe, je veux dire: l'activité physique Le coït, tu aimes ça? Tu ne t'intéresses pas au sexe? Les hommes pensent que les féministes détestent le sexe Mais c'est une activité très stimulante et naturelle que les femmes adorent

Take all Of me I just wanna be the girl you like, girl you like The kind of girl you like, girl you like Take all Of me I just wanna be the girl you like, girl you like The kinda girl you like is right here with me Right here with me, right here with me, right here with me, right here with me

Hello!

[blacksapphhicmaddonna]

I WOULDN’T DREAM OF IT.

Chapter 2 - Roll The Dice

Black!Carol Danvers x Maria Rambeau

Ft. Monica Rambeau

CW: slight mentions of- homophobic slurs(not written out), deciding not to report harassment in the military, one mention of a security/police officer, being drunk/partying, minor cuts/scrapes/bruises, parenting, loss of a parent, childhood trauma, regaining lost memories. also, a big part of this chapter is set in a flashback. nothing too crazy for any of this, but I just want everyone to know that these things are mentioned!

A/N: hey y'all! so, I wrote this like a book. it's long per usual, and this one's a bit angsty but nothing too serious. also sooooo sorry this is so late lmao, life comes at you hard and fast sometimes but we getting it together every day! I'll try to be quicker w/ updates🫡. much love, muahhh. thank you for reading! x ps. this isn't proof read bc I stayed up til 6:30 in the morning to finish writing it LMFAOO.💀 I'll come back at some point and proof read it, but sorry for any typos/grammar/syntax oddities as always.

Word Count: 19,078 (jump scare🫣)

Link to AO3!

title header & mood art by me⋆˙⟡♡ pls don't use/post elsewhere without asking! (lmk if y'all like it though! i'm thinking about doing stuff like this for all/most of my fics maybe)

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ Taglist⋆｡ﾟ ☾ﾟ ｡⋆｡︎☁ﾟ｡⋆:

@mybonafidefeelings @maysflourish @nanajen8

also go read @mybonafidefeelings's new danbeau/carolxmaria series RIGHT NEOWWWW if you haven't already🥰

and while you're at it, go check out all the fics everyone in the taglist have written! they never disappoint!

here we gooooo, I hope you enjoy part two.💗

Once Monica finished her breakfast, she helped Carol clean up while she told her stories about her friends at school, all the inventions she'd come up with, and any other story her mind mustered up. She wanted to fill in as many blanks as possible for her other mother. Carol listened intently, taking in every moment of her daughter. She wanted to remember everything, even the things that might not seem important to other parents in different circumstances. She wanted to be able to reference these stories, prove that she remembered, that she cared enough to listen. Partly because her own parents never showed an interest, instead always finding the time to show their genuine dislike for her for whatever many reasons they had, or just disregarding her altogether. But also because Monica had always been so welcoming, so ready to receive her back like nothing had happened - or maybe like everything did happen and she still chose to hold on tight to her mother, choosing not to let the time separate them. So Carol held on tight too, wanting to prove she was reliable to the girl. She appreciated how open Monica was to her returning, but she also knew she had been gone for a long time. Longer than she should have been, she often thought. She knew that Monica was young, and might eventually change her mindset on the matter. She had every right to. It would make sense to feel some kind of way, and that scared Carol to her core. So she wanted to at least try and show up in the best way she could. Be present, be a mother - not just someone who literally drops in every now and then. She wanted to give the girl something she could hold onto, something she could trust.

Carol was always so in awe of both of the Rambeaus. Even though Maria always said that she and Monica were so much alike, she loved how much she was just like her mother too. Stubborn, but sure of herself. Interested in everything, always ready to learn and push forward - but soft, in her own way. Gentle, patient and kind. They both would go out of their way, even if it didn’t always seem like they were. She looked like her, too. Her brown eyes, her hair, the way she walked. She was just like Maria in the best ways (not that there was a bad way to be like Maria Rambeau), and also very much just herself. Just Monica, and she was the most amazing child the world had ever managed to produce. Carol was sure of it. 

When they had finished in the kitchen, Carol decided to take a shower too. The hot water should be filled up again, and she was starting to feel the leftover sweat from last night mixing with the approaching heat from the day. Monica sat on the couch and turned on some cartoons, feeling fulfilled from breakfast which made Carol feel proud of herself for a lot of reasons. Cooking was something she always struggled with because she never had anybody to teach her. Maria thinks she might just naturally be a clutz in the kitchen too, but regardless, she worked with her for years as they grew up trying to teach her how to cook, giving her the gentle instruction and patience she never had. Usually to no avail, but it was a fond memory for both of them. Carol smiled, thinking that if her success in making pancakes this morning was any indication of the kind of day she would have with her daughter, she was sure it would be a good one. She wandered back upstairs, running her hands along the walls that still had blue and purple marker stains on them in some spots. As she walked through the hallway towards her shared room, she passed Monica’s room and couldn't help but smile. The girl’s room was what anybody would expect if they’d met her. A little messy, super colorful. She had her personality everywhere. A model of the solar system she had made when she was a little younger for a school project hung from the ceiling over her bed. A stuffed animal Carol had won for her at a carnival when she was a toddler, Maria had one to match that she secretly kept hidden in the drawer next to her bed still. She had drawings on blue construction paper all over her walls, mostly of her inventions (she called them her blueprints). The one picture that was on regular white paper had the word “Family” written on it. A crayon picture of Maria and Carol, with Monica in the middle. Carol’s heart skipped a beat seeing it. She was so lucky, she thought again. She passed the door and made her way to the end of the hall with a happy stride. The day had just begun and she was already doing better than she expected. 

She stepped into the room and paused, her smile growing inward in an almost shy way. She was greeted with the scent and feel of Maria. She inhaled deeply, feeling a level of comfort roll through her body and pang in her chest. Mmm. Carol whispered to herself, almost embarrassed. But she couldn’t help it. She was everywhere. As much as they had kept Carol present in their lives, making sure she was alive and never erased from her fingerprint on the home, it had still been years since Carol had been gone so it made perfect, almost comforting sense to her that they had made it their own. They had to make it comfortable, they had to fill in the empty space. Just like Monica’s room, Maria’s was a perfect snapshot of her personality. It was well kept, everything had a place to be. If it ever did get messy, Carol was sure it didn’t last long. She looked over the room, noting the books next to the bed where Maria slept, all of them half read with bookmarks Monica had made her in them. She looked at the tray of jewelry sitting on the dresser, full of small dainty necklaces and a few pairs of stud earrings with different shapes, and a few pairs of hoops Maria would only wear if she was going out. She looked at the closet, one side open from this morning. All the clothes are organized by color, with a few boxes sitting on the top shelf. Even the bed they had slept in, it was already made perfectly to military standards with the edges tucked in perfectly - except for the top where Maria had extra pillows, all with light purple pillow cases contrasting the perfect white ones underneath.

She looked at the picture frames sitting on Maria’s perfectly organized desk as she walked over to it. On the left side was a picture of her and Monica at a park that had to be fairly recent, a picture of Maria standing outside the SWORD office smiling huge next to an older man in uniform, and a picture of Maria with her brother which must’ve been years old because Maria looked like she was in middle school maybe, making Carol reminisce about the girl she used to know. On the right side of the desk sat two pictures that didn’t face in all the way like the other two, as if they were put there intentionally but also intentionally not looked at as much. One, in a light purple frame, was Maria’s mother. Carol had never met the woman but had seen her face many times growing up in Maria’s father’s house. It was the same then, almost like the woman must have put the pictures of herself up and they didn’t have the heart to take them down, but they tried their best not to look. Next to that sat a framed picture of Carol and Maria smiling at the local bar they used to go to, their uniforms half undone and Carol’s hair out of regs with her aviators pushed back and a red bandana around her head. She remembers the bar more now, Pancho’s. She had been there with Fury and it jogged a lot of things for her, but she so badly wants to remember that day specifically. She runs her fingers close to it, but doesn’t dare to touch. She tries to remember the song they would sing together, all the lyrics. She can’t but she remembers how it felt to jump around for hours and then walk home, too drunk most times, bumping into each other and letting touches and looks linger a little too long, and then having to get up early the next day. She remembers that they would take turns walking each other to their barracks, sometimes daring to sleep in each other's rooms when they thought they might not get caught, always leaving one of them to sneak out in the morning. Carol laughs, thinking about how Maria was right last night, and how she was always better at leaving quietly than Carol.

When her eyes refocus on the photo, she can’t help but wonder how many times Maria had flipped the frame over, hiding the memory from herself. She wonders, just for a moment, if she would’ve been able to live through the grief she put her through. She would never know just how bad it was for Maria, she would never be able to see from her eyes what the woman went through or how she pulled herself out of bed every day and raised a child by herself, kept working, started SWORD. She wondered if Maria ever went back to that bar, or if she ever listened to the song again. She would never know how the woman truly felt in those years or what she did to keep herself busy, and she didn’t think she’d ever feel right asking. She wanted to think about the past few months, after everything. She wanted to think about how it must be even worse, in a way, knowing that Carol was out there saving other people while Monica grew up and Maria trudged on with no choice. She wanted to think about it but couldn’t, knowing what would happen if she let her mind attach to the thoughts and feelings. She gazed at the photo again and turned away, deciding that maybe she didn’t need to remember everything right now. 

She walked over to the box they had pulled out last night for her and started going through some clothes, looking for something to change into. She realized that while she was in space, her suit did all the work for her - she never had to worry about pulling an outfit together. It did the heating, drying, cooling, protecting her from any number of threats - all while containing her powers in a comfortable way for her. So as she sorted through her belongings, she was now also coming to the realization that it also had built in underwear. She only had two pairs of regular underwear to her name and she was wearing one of them. She frantically sifted through the big box to no avail. She questioned why she would only have two pairs of underwear, rather than all of her undergarments or none of them at all. She guessed that the Air Force had something to do with it, remembering that they had packed everything up for Maria to come pick up instead of letting her do it. She cursed them under her breath, mad that once again Maria had something taken from her, deciding that she had no option but to wear the pair of boxer briefs she had found and figure it out later. She grabbed the boxers, an old band tee shirt and a pair of jeans and headed for the bathroom. 

When she walks in the bathroom, she can hear Monica’s cartoons from the living room. 

“I’m gonna bathe myself, Lt. Trouble! Come get me if you need anything, okay?”

 She yells down. She waited to hear Monica’s response and when she didn’t she paused completely, silencing herself and the air around her, cartoons still playing. She could feel her heartbeat pick up its pace.

“Mon? Did you hear me?” 

She shouts again, a bit louder, trying not to let on to her anxiety.

“Okay Mom!”

 Monica yells back, mind focused on her shows. Carol exhaled deeply, relief flowing through her body. She chuckled at mom, gratitude buzzing through her whole body. She was still a mom to Monica and that meant more to her than she could ever explain. She added “go to therapy” on her mental to do list and started stripping.

Once all the layers were off, she chucked her socks in the pile she had made and stepped into the deep tub, pulling a purple shower cap over her hair and bending down to turn on the shower. She pulled the stop up before balancing out the water and heard the water make its way up the long pipe to the shower head slowly as she pulled the curtain closed around her. She immediately screeched, feeling freezing water run over her body. She had forgotten that Maria took cold showers in the morning to wake her up. She scrambled, trying to avoid as much of the frigid water as possible while she flipped up the hot water handle with her toes, jumping up and down, somehow not slipping. As the water began to warm and steam up, she found herself laughing. Out loud. She couldn’t stop. Captain Marvel was giggling like a child (Once again proving Maria right). She slid down and sat on her butt, pulling her knees into her chest and let the water run over her back. She eased into the warm feeling, still feeling laughter bubble up inside of her. She closed her eyes and remembered the last time she felt the shock of cold water all over her.

It was late, or maybe early. Carol felt herself getting tired, but she wanted to keep dancing. She wanted to keep singing. She wanted to keep seeing Maria, feeling her brush up against her while they danced and twirled in sloppy, drunken harmony, singing poorly to whatever song was playing. She didn’t want to go to work tomorrow just to test planes she would never get to fly outside of base. She didn’t want to sleep in her own bed, unless Maria was in it. She just wanted to keep living in this moment for as long as she could. She looked over at her equally drunk copart, dancing freely with her eyes closed. Maria rarely let loose like this, but when she did it was beautiful. She commanded the room, everyone tuning into her wavelength, feeling her all around them. She made everything beautiful, and when she was carefree, it was like no one on earth had a care in the world either. 

Maria opened her eyes to see Carol looking at her and she smiled that toothy grin she had, making the heat from Carol’s chest rise to her face. She smiled back, pushing herself closer to the woman through the people dancing around them. The dark liquor they had both been drinking was coursing through them and burning off with every move, sending sparks through both of their bodies while they watched each other bop to the music. Carol made her way over and laughed, making some comment about how only they could make old white men’s music sound this good. Maria giggled in agreeance, grabbing Carol’s hand and twirling her around. She was tired too, but she was happy to have a break. They had both been working their asses off and both felt the same frustration with the position they were seemingly stuck in. They were making their way up in rank, one then the other, every time. But two facts always remained. They were both Black Women. So the Air Force didn’t give them much reign, despite the fact that they were statistically and literally the two best pilots the Air Force had ever seen and a lot of people knew it. Despite all their talent and gusto, they did their diligence day in and day out. So, when they got the chance to be free from the monotony, they took it, hand in hand, happily. 

As Carol spun back into the woman’s arms with a heaving laugh, they both smiled at each other widely. Maria couldn’t look away, she felt stuck as her eyes moved down from her friend’s eyes to her lips. Carol surprised her by grabbing her other arm and spinning her just how she had done, and pulling her in with a dramatic dip. Everyone around them cheered, drunk too. They laughed with their bellies, feeling the song in their chests. Carol pulled Maria up slow, just as the exciting song ended. The next song started and it was slower, and most people around them coupled up, only some seeming annoyed as they made their way off the dance floor and back to the bar and stools. The two women looked around them, then at each other. They both shrugged with a small laugh, and Carol pulled Maria in to dance. She made some joke about being proper while she found her hands at Maria’s lower back, making the woman laugh as she made herself comfortable around Carol’s neck and shoulders. They laid their chins on eachother and swayed, letting the joke of it all dissipate into the air. It was moments like this that they relished in, secretly. Every now and then, they’d allow themselves a second to breathe each other in. Usually when they were drunk and their inhibitions were low. For both of them, it felt like everything melted away. Just like when they were younger and neither had been asked to the school dance, so they took each other. They shared one slow dance that night, making the excuse that it was tradition and neither should miss out on their first slow dance. They had wanted to dance together at prom, but they had both regrettably had dates for once. Maria had been asked by a boy from her science class, he played on the basketball team and told her she was pretty AND smart (wow, how romantic, Carol thought when she heard the story).

Carol hadn’t been asked but when she found out Maria said yes after being pressured by her father and not hearing Carol make a strong argument against it, Carol forced some kid from one of her classes to come with her. All four had danced that night, split into the ‘correct’ gendered pairs. Carol couldn’t keep her eyes off her bestfriend, and the feeling was mutual. During the final slow dance, they were all on the floor swaying in and out of rhythm with the song playing. Carol and Maria locked eyes and didn’t unlock them until the song was over. They had danced again during their first military ball, quietly in the back behind a pillar where no one could see them. It was unspoken but well understood. They didn’t talk about it after, they just went about their business. They always did. And they would again after tonight, carrying on like time didn’t stop when they touched like this. As the music played, Carol’s hand rubbed Maria’s back absent mindedly, while Maria rubbed small circles against Carol’s neck as they swayed, both in and out of daydreaming, both drunk and leaning a little too heavily on eachother. They both fought the urge to look up at each other, so they let their heavy heads rest on each other as they danced, feet in perfect timing with eachothers. This is what friends do, right? They were so comfortable with each other, it wasn’t weird to slow dance. Right? They almost stopped moving entirely, leaving just a small rocking between them as the music played through them, syncing their breaths. You feel so good, they both thought at the same time, almost forgetting that their freedom in this moment was due to the cognac surging through them.

When time started again and the song stopped, an upbeat one replacing it, they both lingered for a moment longer trying to hold onto the comfort they felt, and trying to collect their drunk selves. Over the sound of the music, the bartender announced last call and they looked at each other with a mischievous smirk. 

“Last one to the bar pays for the shots!” They said in unison, falling gracefully back into their routine. They ran over, both making it there at the same time, so as always they paid for each other’s shots and continued jamming to the music and letting the ambiance of the bar carry them through the rest of the night. Everyone knew everyone, so they felt safe, which was nice. As they finished their last two shots each, they both felt the drunkenness take its strong hold on them and they decided this would be their last song. They grabbed the karaoke mics that no one else wanted and belted at the top of their lungs, horribly but everyone loved it. They jumped up and down, bursting at the seams with laughter and lyrics, dancing with whoever danced with them. Once the song ended, they grabbed each other’s hands and ran for the coat rack, bounding forward despite their lack of balance. 

Pulling on their jackets, they stepped outside into the cooler air and took it in. Carol checked her watch and was astonished to see the time, despite the fact they everyone knew last call at Pancho’s meant it was 2am and the bar would be closing at 2:30. She looked over at Maria who was staring up at the sky.

“What’re you look-”

“Shh! Make a wish! Right now before you miss it!” 

Maria rushed Carol, keeping her eyes closed and her hands clasped together like she was praying, maybe even begging. Carol smiled, knowing the shooting star that must’ve passed was already gone, but she chose to believe the energy would linger for Maria and her. She closed her eyes and spent no time trying to figure out what to wish for. She knew exactly what she wanted, what she needed. They both did. Carol kept her eyes closed after she was done, letting her body relax and fully feeling the disorientation of her drunkenness. She felt woozy, almost nauseous. Maria stared at her while her eyes were shut, allowing her body to relax at the sight. She felt her body move for her, without permission. She grabbed Carol’s hand, shocking the woman’s eyes open and started running without any explanation. 

“What are you doing Rambeau? Where are we going?” 

Carol asked, confused, dizzy and feeling a familiar spike of excitement rise in her. Maria was even more daring and much less prudent when she was intoxicated. She was taking her on an adventure and she was ready to go. She would follow the woman anywhere, drunk or not.

“You’ll see. Don’t you trust me, Danvers?” 

Maria called behind her, laughing and out of breath the whole time but never stopping. Carol didn’t need to answer, they both knew the answer. They kept up laughing, thankful for all the PT they’d been forced to do by the United States military. They ran down quiet streets for a few minutes, until they made it to a dirt path with a bunch of trees, leading them off the main road. Maria looked back at Carol with an excited and sly smile. Carol pulled her hand back and made her face her. 

“You’re not trying to serial killer me, right? Where are you taking me?” 

She laughed, but meant the question.

“C’monnn.” Maria tugged, wanting to live in the moment while she could. 

“Don’t you trust me?” 

She asked again, looking in Carol’s eyes with a glint, but soft. Penetrating, Carol thought to herself. She knew she couldn’t say no, she never could. So, she smiled and signaled for Maria to keep taking her wherever she was.

“Lead the way.”

This made Maria smile excitedly, adding an extra skip in her step. They weren’t running this time but they were walking fast, Maria jumping around Carol who felt like she was in a movie or a trance, eyes never leaving Maria’s dancing body as they made their way down the dark path, leaving her feet to trust whatever path Maria made for her. Maria saw a clearing in the trees ahead of them and she started running again, creating too much space for Carol’s comfort. She snapped out of her trance and ran after the faster woman, feeling anxiety and frustration rise in her for a moment. 

“What the hell, Rambeau? It’s dark out here! You can’t just run o-” Carol started while she wiped the sweat and dust off her face. When she opened her eyes, she saw Maria standing at the edge of a lake surrounded by thick brown sand and trees. Maria waved her over and the frustration fled Carol’s body faster than it arrived. She jogged up to Maria who was already undressing, making Carol choke when she saw glimpses of Maria’s dark skin that she didn’t usually see. I mean, sure, they’d seen eachother in bathing suits and naked before, when they were kids, but it had been a while. A long while. Carol had to force her mouth shut before Maria could see it hanging open.

“Cmon, hurry up! We gotta jump in before my better judgement takes over!” 

Maria rushed as she pulled off her socks and yanked her pants the rest of the way down, pulling them over her ankles. Carol was still frozen watching her.

“Don’t tell me you’re scared Danvers? Cmon! It’ll help with the drunkenness and it’ll be a story to tell our kids!” 

Maria exclaimed, pulling her shirt over her head. All the was left was her bra and perfect light purple underwear. Carol snapped out of it and laughed.

“HA! What the hell are you doing? Don’t tell me you’re about to-”

“Skinny dip? Yes the hell I am. And so are you. Hurry up!”

Maria finished her sentence as she grabbed her hand, pulling her over and pulling the bandana off her head and tossing it with her own clothes she had made a pile of. She started pulling at Carols shirt sleeves until Carol brushed her away, laughing but really just unable to let Maria help undress her. She was suddenly feeling very shy but as always, Maria was going to get what she wanted from Carol because that’s what Carol wanted. Maria looked at her with that So, are you gonna do it or not? look that Carol was usually giving her and waited for Carol’s face to break into a smile she couldn’t help.

“I can’t believe I’m about to do this with you. Don’t cry to me when you regret it tomorrow and have to blow your hair out in the morning!” 

Carol said as she pulled her shirt over her head and exposed her own body, one that Maria wasn’t sure how to fully take in either as she fought back a smile at Carol’s comment. She thought about the last time she’d seen Carol completely naked, or at least as naked as she almost was standing there. They used to get dressed in front of each other all the time and they’d been in matching bathing suits a bunch of times growing up but it had been a while, since they weren’t rooming together in the barracks. She forced her stare away while Carol undid her pants and slid out of them, leaving only her boy shorts, a bra and socks. She kicked her socks off to match as Maria finished pulling the rest of her underwear off, and by the time they both turned around, they were stark naked in the middle of nowhere, right in front of each other.

The silence sat for a moment before they both laughed, the tension easing away like it always did. Maria grabbed Carol’s hand and ran for the water, looking back only to ask You ready? as her feet made their way into the moist sand, inching towards the cold water. Carol shot back As I’ll ever be before making her way in too. They both plunged forward, swimming out a bit but not too far. They both shot under the water and looked at eachother, grabbing hands again before popping back up. The water rolled off of them as they broke through the surface, blinking it from their eyes and feeling their hair. They laughed loudly, finding their bearings in the freezing water.

“Holy shit!” Carol swore, bobbing a bit as she figured out how to float again. Still laughing.

“More like Holy FUUUCK!” Maria shouted out with a laugh in her voice, lifting it into the trees around them. She couldn’t stop laughing, and she couldn’t stop shivering. Carol looked at her as she held her free hand that she was using to balance herself with as she floated out to Maria who happily took it in hopes it would help stabilize her as well.

“You’re a god damn maverick, Rambeau!” Carol laughed as she spun Maria around, swimming in circles trying to keep her blood pumping to warm them both up. Maria swam gracefully, still holding onto Carol’s hand. She was laughing but she was also quieter now. Carol questioned if it was the cold or if it was whatever made her jump into a freezing lake anyway. She pulled her back in and held her hand tight as she pulled her onto her back, pressing her front to her back and taking deep breaths trying to stay warm while still enjoying the fluidity of movement the water provided. They both felt like they were flying, finally.

“What’s going on in your head?” Carol asked as she swam in different directions for a little bit, back and forth as Maria clung to her back, clearly the drunker of the two now. The shock of the water had helped to sober them both up but Carol always had a higher tolerance to alcohol as it was. She was still drunk but not as drunk as her bestfriend, whos head was resting on top of Carol’s wet curls. She knew the humidity and however she planned to get sleep that night wouldn’t help with her process in the morning.

“I just want to fly. I just wanna feel free, you know?” Maria started, not exactly slurring her words but they weren’t as uniform with her natural cadence as they usually were. Carol nodded slightly with a Mhm to assure Maria that she was listening.

“I just… I just wish we could do whatever we wanted to do. I’m so tired of living by the same rules every day. I wish I could just fly into space and stay there, sometimes, you know?” Carol smiled at the thought of Maria being able to fly how she was meant to. High up, above the clouds. Away from everyone and everything that constantly tried to tie her feet to the ground. She did know, she felt the same way about herself.

“You’d leave me here on earth to deal with these bastards?” Carol asked, joking but also not. Maria half laughed, half hiccuped at the thought.

“Wherever I am, you are too. That’s how it’s always going to be, Danver’s. I fly, you fly. You fly, I fly. That’s never gonna change.” Maria said, meaning it. She was always more emotionally open when she was drunk and Carol almost felt bad listening to her, knowing she wouldn’t normally open up like this - especially naked, freezing, clinging to her best friends back with all her might and drunk in a lake they had no business being in. But she couldn’t help but revel in what the woman was saying. She felt the same.

“I know. I know. Come on, lets go home.” Maria wanted to put up a fight but she was shivering and suddenly very sleepy, so she let Carol swim them to shore. When they got out the water, the warm air offered some support in their drunken attempts to pull on their clothing over wet and suddenly sand covered bodies. They weren’t sure if they were putting on the right things but they knew it was covering their important parts and that’s what matters. 

“Can we stay at look at the stars for a little bit?” Maria asked, even though she was the one in charge, whether she knew it or not. Carol knew it. She nodded, knowing it wasn’t a good idea but one she couldn’t deny the soft woman in front of her. She spread their jackets out on the beach for them to lay down and they both did just that, scotting their bodies close to each other instinctively. They peered up at the stars above them, seeing them clearly in the huge circle the trees made. It was perfect, they both thought. Some moments went by before Carol asked a question.

“What did you wish for earlier?”

“Shh. I can’t tell or it won't come true. It was something I’ve always wanted, so it has to come true.” She explained, sleep and bourbon clouding her voice.

“Mine too.” Carol whispered, her own eyes growing heavy. They held hands and both thought that the other woman must’ve wished for them to finally be able to do their jobs the right way, to be able to fly for real. Little did they both know they were wishing for the same thing. Each other.

They laid there, staring at the stars until they weren’t. Sleep came easy for them that night, as odd as it was. It got odder when they woke up, facing each other with only a nose length between their faces, feeling the warm sting of the sun in their eyes. They looked at eachother and started laughing until they heard the familiar sound of security keys dangling and a radio in the nearing distance. They knew it had to be the wannabe cops that patrolled the area and they knew it was their time to get the hell out of there. They ran back down the same path and back onto the main road until they made it to Pancho’s. They slowed to a casual pace after that, trying not to draw attention to themselves even though they had sand all over and their hair was nowhere near what it looked like the previous night. They walked, quietly, but happily together back to the barracks and passed out in Maria’s room. She wanted the comfort of her own space to ease through her impending hangover, but she needed the comfort of Carol’s arms too. Carol put up no fight, trying not to be too obvious that she wanted to be there too. Though she’d never tell, Maria positioned herself perfectly to be held and went right to sleep.

Carol stayed up until she fell asleep like she always did, making sure she was on her side in case she threw up or needed water. She watched as Maria slept, looking like she was floating again. She was so beautiful and Carol was so tired. She laid down and held the woman, her arms perfectly fitting into the space that was left, like it was made for her. They slept most of the day away and when Carol woke up, she set medicine next to Maria’s bed and snuck out, quieter than normal. She thought about what Maria had said when she was in the water as she walked back to her room to take care of her own hangover and messed up fro’. She promised herself that day that no matter where she flew, she would make sure Maria would be there too. Behind that promise, she knew that she would follow Maria to the end of the earth, even the end of the universe without a second thought. She tried to shake some self respect back into her own dreams, smiling despite herself and went to sleep. She dreamed of Maria, because Maria was her dream.

Carol’s day dreaming was interrupted by a cold surge through the shower head again, and the sound of the downstairs sink running before being cut off. Her super hearing alerted her to the sound of Monica filling a cup and going to sit back down. She buzzed under the cold water before it eased back into the warmth she had set for herself. She felt more fond of the cold now. She stood back up and washed her body, letting the water run over her face. The soap smelled like both Monica and Maria and she felt comfort knowing she would smell like them now, too. She finished up and got out, drying herself with her powers instead of making more laundry for herself with the towels she had been looking at the night before. She grabbed her clothes and located her underwear and bra from the pile. 

When she grabbed the pair of boxers, she looked at the inside hem and saw “DANVERS” written in smudged black sharpie on the white tag. She laughed with an edge of old frustration, remembering how she had to do that because people kept stealing her underwear in the laundry room as a prank because her and Maria had ranked up before a few of the other men in their unit. Maria’s clothes never got stolen, but they didn’t refrain from trying to get to her in other ways. None of which she ever humored, but Carol knew it got to her a few times. Some of the guys had called them ‘lesbos’ a few times, and eventually it evolved into the d slur. Both pilots always had different comebacks that consistently left the immature weasels with little to say back. Carol knew both of those words well having heard them most of her life, and she had taught herself not to internalize it.

Maria, on the other hand, let the first one roll off her for the most part - but the second one sometimes picked at scabs she had long covered up. Scabs she wasn’t ready to look at yet. They both decided not to report the harassment because it would probably end up worse if they did, and eventually it died down. They both continued to rise in ranks slowly but surely, and finally Mar-Vell came and they felt some reprieve from the monotony they were used to. Carol shivered at the thought of what came after that, though. 

She slid the rest of her clothes on and walked back into the bedroom. She put her dirty clothes in the laundry basket next to the closet for her to do later, and walked back over to the box of her things. She’d seen a bunch of stuff Monica had shown her the first time she came home, but she wanted to know what was in the other boxes Maria had kept. She went through the bottom of the box that had her clothes in it not finding anything she hadn’t already seen, and then pulled open the other one they had left out. She presumed this is one Maria hadn’t shown Monica as it had light dust on it when she opened it.

She sifted through, halfway hoping to find another pair of underwear, but instead she found a bunch of papers and trinkets. Some necklaces and a silver chain bracelet, wristbands from carnivals and bars they had been to together, a pair of dice from a board game they had stolen from a store one time when they were younger and had kept as they grew up. She ran her hands over everything, trying to take in as much of her former self as she could like she always did when she had the chance. She fumbled at the bottom of the box and pulled out a bunch of papers, some folded, some grocery lists with toiletries and snacks crossed off here and there, some half done crossword puzzles that Carol was never good at, and a few opened envelopes. She sat the rest down and looked over each envelope with care. 

Some had cards in them, birthday and christmas cards, one from valentines day. All of them had silly characters or jokes on the front. They had made a good habit of buying each other cheesy cards for every holiday they could think of, Carol strained to remember as she read through them. She rubbed her finger over Maria’s perfect signature, wondering if she kept the ones Carol had gotten her, too. She filed through the papers curiously, flipping through piece after piece of paper that held a small snapshot of moments in her life. Mundane, ordinary moments. She cherished them, and she was grateful to both Maria for keeping them and herself for never being organized and keeping all this stuff that most people would’ve eventually thrown away or allowed themselves to misplace over time. Her eyes fixed on a thicker envelope. She grabbed it, reading the red script labeled across the front.

To: Danvers

From: Rambeau ♡ 

Carol smiled at the little heart Maria had drawn next to her last name. She opened the letter, finding another heart on the back of the envelope where it was once sealed. Carol reads over the letter, feeling emotion and memory rise up in her chest, spreading through her whole body. The letter is dated, of course because Maria is ever punctual. It was from when they had been stationed at two separate bases for the first few months. It was agony for both of them, being in two separate states. Carol had sent Maria a letter when she first arrived, thinking she would be the first one to write. She was shocked, however, to find a letter waiting for her when she arrived at the post office on base. She had opened it the second she got back to her barracks room. It was an envelope inside an envelope, the outer one having had their full names and ranks and official military postage, the second one having the cute little hearts Maria drew perfectly when she wrote. Again, she was softer than most people expected her to be.

The letter expressed pretty much exactly what Carol had in hers, which came to no surprise to either of them when they both read what the other had sent. They were always on the same wavelength. They both had so much more they needed to say, but they were so grateful to hold something physical that the other had taken time to write for the other.  Maria asked how Carol was doing, explained what had been going on with her, and complained about the men on base per usual. Just as if they were together in person. 

As Carol read through it, she laughed, probably how she had the first time, at a lot of the letter. Towards the end though, she felt a tight ball of heat sitting in her chest restricting her breathing. She almost couldn’t read through what was left of the letter. Was she embarrassed? 

“Anyways, I hope you’re still kicking ass. I KNOW you are, that always came easy to you. 

I hope we can call soon, hopefully without being interrupted by the other idiots needing to use the phone every single time you do. I can’t believe there's only four on your base and only two that actually work (what happened to ‘The Air Force’s finest?’). You’d think with all the money the military has.. You know. I know it’s hard for both of us to find the time right now but I just really miss you, Carol. I miss shitty karaoke a lot, I can’t do it with these clowns here without you. Friday nights just aren’t the same haha. I miss renting the same movies every weekend and staying up all night eating too much. I even watched Fame the other day without you. I still hate it but it was nice, I just wish you were here to act out all the scenes. And I’ll deny it if you ever tell anybody, but I even miss your shitty cooking (burn this after reading), and not just because it makes it easier for me to be the better cook, but just because it’s you. I never used to hate writing letters but I do now, because it reminds me how far they have to travel to get to you. I hate that we’re not together, we’ve always been together. And as much as I act like I know what I’m doing, sometimes I feel lost without you here. And I know we’ve been pretending everything is the same but it isn’t, at least not for me. I wish we had more time to talk before you left. I wish we had more time in general. Damn the Air Force. Regardless, I just want you to know that I love you. And I’m so proud of you. I always am.

It’ll all be better soon. I believe that, just like you always do. We’ll be up in the air in no time. I’ll meet you up there. I’ll be the one whipping by you. Catch up if you can.

Take good care of yourself, because I’m not there to do it for you. 

You’re the best damn pilot in the Air Force (second only to me, of course), and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise! Call me when you get the chance. And hurry up and write back!

Always, 

Rambeau.

Ps. Things wont always be this way. Don’t forget that. And don’t forget that round of shots you owe me, either, goofball.”

Carol felt the heat of a blush running to her cheeks. She was thankful for her dark complexion hiding it, although no one was there to see her anyways. Why did she feel so giddy, and also… embarrassed? She felt like she was reading someone’s diary, even though the letter was clearly addressed to her and she had already read it. Years ago. She scanned over the text again, regarding Maria’s perfect handwriting. She felt like she was reading a love letter. Maybe it was, but she was too anxious to entertain the thought too much. She wasn’t exactly sure what that would mean, and she wasn’t sure if this year's old letter still even meant anything other than friendship.

Maria had been tight lipped about a lot of stuff, even though she pretended like she wasn’t. Her and Monica always answered Carol’s questions openly, happily for the most part unless it was about the ‘missing period’. They all tried to avoid that subject now, as time had gone by, but they all also knew that it would come up naturally sometimes and it couldn’t be left unanswered all the time. Aside from that, to the untrained eye, it seemed like Maria was willing to give up any bit of information that would help get them all back to how they used to be or at least help figure out what life looked like moving forward. But Carol knew better, she had a very well trained eye for Maria Rambeau, it was second nature for her - with or without the gaps in her memory. There had been a few moments,  just brief enough to almost miss, since Carol came back the first time with Fury and even more recently on some of her visits, when the unshakeable Maria had gotten flustered or nervous, where the heat currently in Carol’s cheeks had been in hers. When her heart threatened to beat so hard it would leap from her chest. Granted, she hid it well but again, Carol could always see through her. She seldom was at a loss for words or made quick, messy cover ups in conversation. Usually the people around them didn’t even notice. Monica didn’t even catch it, or at least didn’t acknowledge it. It happened once or twice when Carol and Maria were alone, too. Carol knew things like that only happened when Maria felt unsure, or when she really didn’t want to talk about something. Anyone who had ever met Maria knew she was as straightforward as they come, so that’s what made Carol pay extra attention when she was avoiding something. 

The thoughts of romance danced around Carol’s brain tauntingly, aching for her to pull them forward and examine them. But knowing how Maria was, and knowing that she only got that way when she was purposefully avoiding something, Carol settled on a quiet feeling of rejection instead - against her better judgment. She let it swell through her, enflaming the previous feelings of embarrassment right along with it. She put the letter away, resigning that she should just be thankful to have a friend who cares for her so much and that she wouldn’t allow herself to think anything else. She did this often, rejected herself before other people could to avoid the stinging feeling of embarrassment or disappointment her parents and the people she grew up with often supplied her with.

Maria never made her feel that way, and maybe that's why she would accept this quiet, self imposed feeling now instead of facing it in person with the other woman. She couldn’t risk ruining something she had just gotten back, anyways. Right? Right, she forced herself to agree in her head. She decided to go find Monica and clear her head of the letter. As she walked out, she glanced at the picture of Maria and the child again and sighed softly, letting a small smile of gratitude cover her face. This could be enough for her, if she would let it be.

Monia was sitting on the couch still, no longer paying any mind to the tv playing in the background. She was eagerly reading through the huge phone book they usually had sitting on the coffee table, bracing it against her bended knees as she flipped through the yellow pages quickly. 

“What’re you looking for, Lt. Trouble?”

“Someone who sells the parts I need for my next invention! What letter do you think that would be under?”

Carol laughs, deciding to humor the girl.

“Hmm, you know I’m not sure. Have you tried under sales? Or maybe…a junkyard?”

“I could try the junkyard! I didn’t try that yet!”

“Maybe I can get you a hook up from Fury, orrrr maybe your mom knows someone at her job? What’re you even looking for?”

“I already asked her last week! She said she would check but I think she was just saying that. Here’s my list.”

Monica handed Carol a surprisingly long list, with a few things checked off that Carol assumed were already laying around the house. She wondered if Maria knew that these things had been checked off, which gave her a good chuckle. She set the list down and turned to Monica.

“Okay, I think I can get you some of these but the bigger things are definitely gonna need some work. Maybe we can roll down to the junkyard this week?”

“YES! And no take-backsies!”

“Wouldn’t dare. How about you come help me handle the laundry and dishes and then we can head outside?”

“Deal. I think you might need help figuring out the detergent set up Ma’ has anyways. She’s very particular.” 

Monica explains, leaping up into action and grabbing Carol’s hand to pull her along.

Monica was right, Maria had a very elaborate and strict laundry system. The two of them likely didn’t get it exactly right but they did their best to pay attention to details neither of them really cared about but knew Maria did, wanting not only to please and respect Maria, but also wanting to avoid what she would have to say about it if they got it wrong or chose to ignore it. Carol tried to use her powered speed and agility to help make the process move quicker, but it only hindered the experience. She noted that the chance to move slowly and be mindful was probably why Maria seemed to enjoy the routine of laundry and such. It probably helped calm her down and help her be present after long days working to protect the whole world, while still having to be a full time mom to a rather rambunctious child, on top of whatever anxiety Carol added throughout her week. She smiled and decided to try and match the attentiveness. Her and Monica spent a while switching between loading and unloading, doing the dishes left over from dinner last night and breakfast - eventually returning to sort and fold the clean clothes and linens. It smelled lovely in the laundry room, reminding both of them of Maria. It comforted them in a way only she could. 

Once they finished with the inside chores, they decided to mix and match to-do lists. Monica needed to catch some frogs just as much as Carol needed to mow the lawn, she insisted. Carol agreed to help her catch some frogs if she would agree to help her patch up some of the paint that Maria had been avoiding doing. They shook on it, running off into the field that would be mowed down later in the day. They went at it excitedly, jumping around in the tall grass and dirt, painting not so gracefully and splattering white paint on each other by “accident”.

By the time they finished the side of the house and Monica had caught, released and named at least eight frogs that she swore were all different despite being nearly identical, they had both created more laundry to do and were both definitely in need of a bath but neither minded in the slightest. Even once they were done, they chased each other around tirelessly until Monica was hiccupping and giggling at the same time. Carol marveled at Monica’s intrinsic wonder and love at the world around her. In her Hero heart, watching it solidified her sense of duty to protect the galaxy, making sure nothing and no one could ever bring harm to the world her daughter so loved. But in her Carol heart, it made her giddy too. Almost envious in a way. She missed the days when she could roll around in a yard and only worry about trying not to crush too many bugs. Now she had to worry about whether someone was going to crush a planet or not. She often longed for a childhood she never really had, and sometimes even the one she did have when she could piece it together. She knew it wasn’t a good one, but she had Maria. She just had Maria. And now Monica does too, and god was she glad about it. 

Carol picked the younger girl up and flew her to the front porch in a flash, something Maria would swear she didn’t approve of as she fought back her own giggles. Monica shouted with pure glee as her feet landed back on the wood she knew well. They zipped in the house and ran to the kitchen, ready for lunch. Monica decided she would handle making it, promising Carol the best turkey and cheese sandwich she would ever have. Or at least better than she could make herself.

“Mayo or mustard Mama?”

Carol beamed a grin across her face, feeling a familiar hot blush swipe across her at the word mama but she tried to play it cool.

“I want whatever you’re having, Trouble!”

Carol responded happily, only after registering the fact that she hated mustard and hoped that Monica did too. She watched as the girl ran through the kitchen, leaving a small mess across different surfaces. She whipped up the two sandwiches like she did it very often, and sat two plates down in front of Carol with a big toothy smile. 

“Wa-La! The Trouble special!” 

She exclaimed, nudging the sandwich to Carol and taking a big bite out of her own, leaving a smudge of mayo on the inner side of her finger. Thank god, Carol laughed to herself. Before she could remind the girl to make sure she cleaned up, Monica was already stacking up her ingredients and propping open the fridge with her foot. This made the woman smile, knowing she had probably heard one too many times from Maria about cleaning up after herself. 

“Take a bite!” Monica mumbled, chewing down another bite herself and gesturing to Carol with her hands. Carol bit into the sandwich and began mimicking the fancy chefs they would watch on tv together.

“Mmm! Magnificent work yet again, Chef Rambeau!”

Monica smiled before straightening her face and standing up straight before taking a bow, nearly dropping her own sandwich. They both laughed and enjoyed their sandwiches, Carol deciding to sneak Monica a coke in thanks for making the best sandwich she’d ever had, saying "this ones on me” and promising to tell Maria she drank them if she asks. Once they both finished and decided that Monica won the burping contest, they decided to tackle the lawn and climb the tree. Monica ran back outside like she had all the energy in the world, and Carol followed behind at a much slower pace as if she didn’t literally have all the energy in the world.

They took turns pushing the mower up and down the huge yard in different directions, trying to make different drawings with the pattern it created. Carol figured Maria wouldn’t mind much. Once they finished, both sweating under the direct heat of the sun, they were both happy to have some reprieve when they made their way over to the trees. Carol laid down in the grass underneath the biggest tree, grateful for the shade it provided.

She breathed deep, taking in the soft wind that was blowing. It wasn’t as humid as she had expected, another thing she was grateful for. Monica plopped herself next to her, pulling up her tee shirt sleeves to match Carol’s rolled up sleeves. She poked at the tan line appearing where the shirt sat for most of the day. Carol pointed to her own, kind of happy to have a tan to her brown skin again. She spent a lot of time in her suit, so it always felt nice to have regular clothes on. She thought about how the sun on earth felt so different than on other planets, who all had different sources of heat and light. She looked over at Monica, who was now laying down too, watching a lady bug crawl through her hands. She was brighter than the sun, Carol thought, before she pushed her sunglasses up her forehead to tangle in her fro’ again.

“So, you’re gonna conquer the big one today, huh?”

“Absolutely. Mom always gets nervous so she told me to wait until you came home again. The whole super power thing and stuff.”

Monica rolled her eyes and continued looking at the lady bug with curiosity.

“Well, she kinda has a point kiddo. Let’s do it.”

Monica jumped to her feet, pausing only to gently place the lady back in the grass and hopped over to the foot of the tree. She walked around it, looking for the perfect place to start. She found her footing and called Carol over to spot her from behind.

“Alright, pay attention and be careful. Let me know if you get stuck, okay?”

“Gotcha gotcha. If I get stuck, will you fly up to me?” 

Monica asked while climbing up the first couple inches, hoisting herself up to find a sturdy hand hold between two branches and bracing her legs against either side. 

“We’ll see.”

Carol watched intently, squinting her eyes against the sun and smiling with her teeth, hands ready to catch Monica. The girl climbed up a few feet and held on tight.

“So, this is how far I got last time with Mom. I just have to streeetchhhhh over to the next branch.”

“You got this, just pretend your arms are made of elastic and reach.”

Monica tried a few times to stretch over with no success, before deciding to just leap as far as she could to connect her hands. Carol’s heart nearly jumped out her chest, not even realizing her own feet had ended up off the ground, floating next to the girl who had successfully made the jump. She smiled at her mom, ignoring the small scratches on her forearms that were starting to bleed just a little bit.

“Jesu- Good job, Trouble! Just maybe tell me next time?”

“We’ll see.”

Monica shot back with that same toothy grin her mother has. She made her way up the rest of the tree and sat on the highest branch she felt comfortable with, kicking her feet with pride. Carol decided to climb the tree next, doing it with ease to meet Monica on the branch. She sat on the one next to it, as to not add too much weight. 

“Why didn’t you just fly or float or something?” 

“That would be cheating! Plus, I wanna be as cool as you are. I wish I had a camera so we could show your mom!”

“I’ll just have to do it again!”

“Sounds like a plan, kiddo.”

Carol laughed, squeezing Monica’s cheek just a bit before letting her climb on her shoulders to fly back down and head to the house to clean up. 

After washing up, they decided to play some video games for a bit until it was time to start setting up for dinner. They had about two hours until Maria got home and they both wanted to at least be started on food when she arrived. Monica pulled out all her favorites and told Carol to pick which one to play first. They took turns picking after the first few rounds of operation, shutes and ladders, and jenga - all of which Monica won.

Carol insisted on playing something she had a fighting chance at, so they grabbed the deck of cards from the coffee table and played Go Fish. Carol won the first round, but Monica won the last three. Finally, admitting full defeat, Carol asked if they had anymore games. Monica grabbed two more from where they kept them, splaying them on the table. Carol’s eyes caught something familiar, pulling it to herself without a thought. She stared at the worn box and tried to remember. Monica watched, offering an explanation just as Carol was finding one of her own.

“Mom says she always used to beat you at this. She wouldn’t play it with me for a while but one day she brought it out after dinner and taught me. She beat me too the first two times, but I beat her after that. You wanna play?”

Carol wasn’t sure if she was biting back a smile, a laugh, or tears. She nodded and let Monica set the board up. Monica read the instructions out loud just in case Carol didn’t remember it, which Carol wasn’t sure if she did. She decided to just play and see what sticks. Monica handed her the light blue piece without asking, and Carol saw that it had her initials written on it. She watched as Monica sorted through the colors, passing over the purple one that had M.R written on it. She felt a tug in her heart as she watched Monica choose the red one that had a small, barely legible M.R on it too. She watched as Monica pulled out cards and then a set of white and black dice. Carol stood up abruptly, leaving Monica no time to question it.

“Hang on, there’s two pieces missing. I’ll go grab them.”

Carol ran upstairs almost embarrassingly fast and b-lined for the box she had looked through earlier. She grabbed the two colorful die she had left there earlier and headed back downstairs, feeling a mixture of excitement and belonging, along with a deeper, quieter sense of yearning. 

Her and Monica played several rounds, Monica winning the first one until Carol remembered all her strategies from all the times she had beat Maria’s ass at the game. Carol agreed to another game, rolling the dice first since she lost the last round. She rolled doubles, and took her turn. While Monica was doing her lucky roll ritual of blowing on the dice and kissing her small hands, Carol felt herself slipping into a memory she had long displaced. She let herself remember slowly, recalling the reason the dice had even been separated from the game board in the first place. 

“You take the board, I’ll take the dice. That way, we both have a piece, neither of us can play, and then no one else gets the chance to whoop your ass. That’s reserved for my talents.”

Carol laughed, but she was being serious. She was desperate to hold onto anything that could be just for them. Something she could carry in her pocket shamelessly, that no one would understand if they saw. They might think she had a gambling addiction or something, no one would suspect she was trying to hold onto any remnants she could of the woman she loved in her everyday life. She watched as Maria chuckled, probably formulating a sarcastic comeback, Carol assumed with a smirk. Maria never just accepted defeat, that's why they had played the game so many times. 

“Sounds good to me, Danvers. I wouldn’t let anybody else win, anyway.” 

Maria quipped back, knowing she never actually let the other woman win but she couldn’t resist making her think about the possibility. She, too, was happy to keep as many tangible reminders of what they had with her. They both had been fighting with themselves for their friendship to be enough, that having that ripped away from them sent them both reeling. She rubbed her finger over the ripped up pricing sticker on the back of the box waiting for Carol to respond.

“Yeah, OKAY. Like hell you let me win. No one loses that many times, THAT bad and is just letting-”

Maria wrapped her arms around the other woman, letting the box and a few pieces fall out on her bed. She held on tight and fought against sniffling. She wouldn’t let herself let it go. Let her go. She felt Carol choke on the words she didn’t get to finish and relax her body into the embrace. It was almost too relaxed. Neither wanted to admit they were fighting back tears that might never stop flowing if they let them start.

Carol didn’t mind being cut off, she was just finding words to string together anyway. There really wasn’t time for small talk but what else were they supposed to do? Leave it up to Maria to figure it out. To do the thing no one else would. To make the move everyone was afraid to - the one Carol was afraid too. Most people thought Carol was the fearless one just based off her usual demeanor and what people saw her do. Little did they know that she had never been more terrified than in this moment. Not knowing when they’d be able to play the game again. Not knowing when they would be able to touch like this again. Not knowing anything other than that they were afraid and loved each other so deeply.

They sat like that for longer than they both figured they should’ve, but neither felt any regret or shame in the moments as they piled up. They both ignored the awkward angle they were in, they both ignored the sounds outside the barracks room, they both ignored the clock as it ticked cruelly forward. They sank into each other, both laying their chins on the other's shoulder, letting the sides of their faces touch. It was close enough to look over and kiss. Neither dared to let the thought get too loud, choosing to let the contact be enough. It always had to be just enough, between them.

They didn’t say much after that, just small hums and sniffles here and there as they rocked slowly trying to find any sort of comfort they could. They laid down after a while, and before Maria could protest through her tears, Carol promised she would get up early enough to make it back to her room before the bus left the base. They laid there, quietly fighting sleep, wrapped as close together as they could be. Maria kept her face down and her forehead on Carol’s chest, Carol kept her arm under Maria’s neck and pulled her as close as she could with the other. Eventually she reached for Maria’s hand, this time it was her turn to do the thing that they both needed someone to do. Maria eventually cried herself to sleep, and Carol stayed up just rocking her softly until the sun came up. 

When she stood up to leave, grabbing her bags and smoothing a hand over her braid, Maria turned over to take her in. She tried to glare at her, but it softened itself against her will into a sad smile. 

“Don’t you dare leave without saying goodbye, Danvers.” 

They both felt a warm tear or two tear itself across their cheeks. Carol tried her best to match the smile Maria was bravely offering her but it came off even weaker. She walked over and kissed the woman on the forehead before turning to leave, afraid that if she stayed even a minute longer she would never leave. Thoughts of going AWOL floated through her head for the billionth time since she had gotten her orders four days ago. She fought them off with as much strength as she could muster and took another step into the door frame.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

She felt the glare of a rising sun sear into her eyes and she stepped through the threshold, choosing not to look back at the woman on the bed she had just left. Maria wondered if she would’ve looked back either, as she let herself curl into herself and let out the sobs she was fighting back before. She silenced them as best as she could and stayed that way until she had to get up, leaving her no choice but to pull herself together into something that resembled the woman she was just a few days before. 

Carol stood outside the door, trying hard not to listen for Maria for a moment before forcing her feet forward. Step after step, more tears fell from her as she grit her teeth to fight back the screams sitting in her chest. She, too, had to be put together in the next few minutes and it seemed the most impossible task. It almost was.

“Ma’? It’s your turn.”

Carol shook her head, only then registering the wetness in her eyes. She picked up the dice and rolled them, trying to refocus on the game infront of her. She shouted when she rolled doubles again, meaning she got to go twice now.

“Looks like I still got it, afterall!”

“Yeah.. sure. Let’s ignore that I beat you all the other times.” 

Monica laughed out, observing the change in her mother.

“I was just letting you win!”

Carol laughed, mostly to herself, as she moved the blue piece across the board.

“That’s what mom always says. I don’t believe her and I definitely don’t believe you!”

Monica shot back playfully. This made them both laugh, knowing it was true. Some things don’t change.

They kept playing a few turns until Monica finally decided to ask the question she had been formulating the whole game so far.

“What were you thinking about?”

“What do you mean?”

“Just now, after you took your first turn. It seemed like you weren’t really here for a little bit.” 

Monica, just like her mother, ever to the point. Carol hesitated before choosing to just answer truthfully.

“Sometimes, when I’m home with you guys or even when I’m out there in space.. If I touch something, or smell something or someone says a certain somethin’... I remember stuff. Sometimes its just a quick second in my mind, sometimes its like flashbacks. I have a lot of rememberin’ to do, so sometimes I get stuck trying to see it clearly.”

Monica stared at the woman in front of her with understanding eyes. She waited a moment before responding.

“That makes sense, you know. I heard on TV that amnesia can make it take a while to get all your memories back.”

Carol shifted in her seat at the word amnesia, because it was so medical. She never actually did get checked out by a doctor on earth, trying to avoid a conversation about why she was super charged 24/7. She didn’t want to draw attention to her family but she had heard the word being tossed around by Fury and Maria a few times. She nodded at Monica, motioning for the girl to take her turn as they talked. Monica continued.

“Ya’know… I like when you remember stuff. Sometimes I get sad thinking you don’t know all the stuff I do. But then I just remember that it's still in there somewhere. There’s a lot of good stuff waiting for you.”

The girl smiled reassuringly, finishing her turn and deciding to pat Carol’s hand softly just like her mom does to her when she’s upset by something.

“You’re pretty smart, you know that?”

“Of course I know that. I’m actually a genius, but that’s all just semantics.”

“You got me there, kiddo.”

Carol said while rolling the dice again and moving her pieces. She might actually win this round.

“If you ever have any questions about stuff, you can just ask me. Mommy doesn’t always tell you or me everything, but I remember. Sometimes I think I know more than both of you combined.” 

Monica smirked, looking over the board calculating precisely how to take Carol out now that she had her where she wanted her. She took her turn calmly, trying not to alert Carol to her master plan. Carol watched mindlessly as the girls piece glided across the board. Maybe she wouldn’t win this round, actually.

“That would be nice, Mon. Thanks. You can ask me stuff too. Also, just spare me and take me out now!”

Carol smirked back, knowing she would have to roll doubles again to beat the red piece.

“It’s no fun if you just give up!”

Carol decided to do Monica’s good luck trick this time, blowing on each die separately and then kissing her hands when she brought them together. She tossed them on the board aimlessly, trying not to focus on the numbers so she didn’t jinx it. They both watched as both die rolled a 3.

“No way!”

“Haha! Maybe your lucky trick does work!” 

Carol laughed as she moved her piece past Monica’s and into the goal. Finally, a win. She stood up and did a goofy dance around the table like Monica had done before her when she was winning. They both started the giggles again, deciding it was probably time to start cleaning up and getting everything ready for dinner.

As they sorted through the cabinets together, Monica standing on the counter despite what her mother would say, Monica began telling Carol stories to see if she could help jog her memory since Carol hadn’t asked any questions yet. She ran through her baby years, her toddler years - especially her ‘troublesome two’s’ as Maria calls them, and everything up until when Carol went missing. They both chose not to talk about why there was such a gap in time. Carol listened quietly, laughing here and there when the story almost always resulted in some hilarious mishap on Carol and Monica’s part. Monica felt successful as she could see her mom piecing things together while they attempted to boil noodles and mix together pasta sauce on the stove. They both tried to keep it from getting messy, not wanting to add any stress to Maria’s plate when she got home. 

Monica told as many stories as she could while Carol took them in happily, filing some away to focus on later when she could fully process them. They were all happy moments, usually funny. It was nice to know that life was good before the accident. Finally, when they started grating the cheese together, Monica decided she would ask some questions now since she had told so many stories. She had a lot she wanted to know too. 

“Here, you do this one and I’ll do this one. Just be careful with the grater, it can get tricky towards the end.” 

Carol motioned to Monica as she walked over to the table with a bowl to put the cheese in when they were done. Carol picked up some cheese and got to work, being mindful herself. Just because cuts healed up quickly for her didn’t mean they didn’t sting when she got them. She knew this well, especially being in a kitchen. Monica started grating too, trying to perfectly time her question. She had been through the boxes upstairs too, always making sure to leave them how she found them so she didn’t tip her mother off. She never understood why she kept them private from her like she didn’t already know about most of the stuff in there. 

“So, why don’t you and mom kiss anymore?”

Carol’s hand skidded to a stop, a choke coming up her throat that ended in a cough she could barely get out. She stood there stunned for a moment, unsure if she had heard the girl correctly. She didn’t notice the small cut on the side of her finger from the edge of the grater yet.

“W-what?”

“Why don’t you and mommy kiss anymore? I don’t know why she keeps all that stuff in the boxes upstairs a secret like I didn’t always see you guys. It was normal when you guys acted normal, now it’s weird seeing you two act different. Did you guys get into a fight or something?”

Carol was still too stunned to speak, standing over the more than half grated cheese that was now no good to use since her finger was bleeding a bit more. Monica looked up at her and noticed the blood, then stared at her with those same curious eyes, only now a touch of concern in them. Carol could feel the stare so she forced herself to shake her head again, clearing her throat in the process.

“I, um, I don’t really know what you’re talking about I don’t think.”

“Right. Here, your blood is ruining the cheese.”

Monica handed her a towel. Carol looked down and finally noticed all the blood. It wasn’t a crazy amount but definitely enough to have ruined the cheese. She wrapped the towel around it and walked to the sink, rinsing it off with cool water while she felt like she was in a daze. She started thinking about the letter Maria had sent her again. She read through the words in her head again, over and over while the water stung her finger. She could hear Monica in the back cleaning up her mess and she felt bad. She felt bad for ruining a part of dinner per usual, but also for reacting this way. And for not actually having an answer. She couldn’t have been sure before this but now she could.

Maybe? Maybe Monica meant cheek kissing or forehead kisses. Maybe her child mind was more innocent than Carol’s confused one. She turned the water off and looked in the junk drawer for some bandaids. She pulled out a pink barbie one and wrapped it tight over her new cut. It would probably be gone in a few hours but she wanted the security of the bandaid in the moment. For some reason, she felt shaken up again. Her face felt hot and her chest felt tight. She turned back to Monica who was finishing up her grating now, adding it into the bowl. As Carol walked back over to grab it to put with the rest of the food, she was searching for something to say in response that actually made sense. Before she could get anything out, Monica chimed in again.

“I’m sorry I asked, I wasn’t sure if it would make you feel funny. But please don’t tell mom I was snooping. I just wanted to see as much of you as I could. But she’ll be upset with me if you tell, I think.”

“Don’t worry about it, Trouble. Secrets safe with me.” 

Carol said, smiling weakly at the girl. Monica did feel bad, but she also kind of knew this would be the reaction Carol would have. It only confirmed one of her theories, that Carol didn’t remember that her and Maria were in a relationship. She was almost tempted to say something else when they both heard the sound of Maria’s car pull in the long drive way. They looked at each other and nodded quickly. Monica started cleaning off the table while Carol started making plates. Finally, something her super speed could help with. She made all three plates and set them on the table right as Maria opened the front door. Monica ran over to her, hugging her tightly as she hung her bag on the rack near the door. She hugged back, running her hand softly over the girls forehead with a smile. 

“Smells good in here. Did Monica cook?” Maria laughed, kicking off her work shoes and slipping on the sandals she wore around the house. 

“Haha, very funny!”

Carol shouted from the kitchen where she was borderline having a panic attack, trying to figure out how to act normal enough to get through the rest of the night with Monica’s question looming over her head.

“Nope, I only helped! Mama Carol did most of the work. I made lunch though. Mom said it was the best sandwich she’d ever had anywhere in all the galaxies!”

Monica exclaimed, only half telling the truth, as she nearly dragged Maria to the kitchen table. 

“I said something like that, yes.”

Carol laughed, her mouth forming into a smile when her eyes met Maria’s.

Maria smiled back before quickly looking around the kitchen, half expecting to see a new scorch mark somewhere. 

“It looks… the same as I left it, in here, minus a few dirty dishes. I’m impressed, Danvers.” 

Maria smirked, walking to the sink to wash her hands before sitting down and letting Monica get in her lap. She was certainly growing, she barely fit between the table and Maria anymore but she always made it work. 

“How was your day?”

Monica asked her mother, once again kicking her feet excitedly, being back in the presence of Maria. It meant a lot to Maria that she still got excited to see her. She hoped it would last through puberty.

“Ya’know, same ol’ same ol’. Protecting the world from aliens, which oddly enough usually is just a bunch of paperwork no one else reads or signs. So, pretty successful I guess.”

Maria laughed, pulling Monica’s cheek in for a small peck.

“I’m more interested in how YA’LL’S day went. The lawn looks… great, by the way.”

Before Carol could chime in, which she wasn’t going to being that she was staring at Maria’s toned arms the entire time she’d been in the room, Monia answered for them both.

“It was AWESOME! We caught so many frogs, I named one after you, and then I finally climbed up the whole tree!”

Maria chuckled, noting the small scrapes on her daughter but not worrying. It wasn’t a normal day if Monica didn’t get at least one scrape or bruise from her exploring.

“Well, I’m flattered. Did you get any help from a certain superhero, by any chance?”

“Nope, she did it all on her own. Much faster than I did, too.”

Carol answered while shooting her hands up like finger guns, shooting a wink to Monica who delighted at the remark.

Maria looked at the pink Barbie bandaid on the woman’s finger and half laughed half frowned.

“Seems like no one made it out without a few cuts today, huh?”

Carol looked down at her hand, almost embarrassed. She laughed.

“She got that from grating cheese, not climbing the tree!”

Monica answered, once again saving Carol from trying to find words. 

“Why am I not surprised? Well anyways, thank you both for doing such a good job with the chores today. Looks like you both really earned that extra tv time tonight.” 

Maria winked at them both before letting Monica scoot off her leg and back into her own chair, ready to eat.

“Thank god, I’m so hungry. I forgot to pack lunch last night so all I had today was a bunch of coffee and some nasty as- mm, some gross altoids my secretary had.”

“Sheesh. I hope it actually tastes like food this time then! Oop, I forgot the forks.” Carol said, about to get up and grab them. Monica beat her to it and ran over to the counter, leaving the two women with a moment or two to take each other in. They both held back a sigh, and just smiled at each other. The eye contact felt too much for both of them, for the same and different reasons. 

Monica returned and they broke their shared gaze, both feeling a mixture of missing it and thankful that it was over. Monica handed everyone a fork she had picked specifically for them and they all ate, swapping stories of their days back and forth. Maria laughed feeling relieved hearing how well the day went, she was hoping she would still have a house to come back between Monica and Carol. As they were all finishing their meals, Maria noticed the stack of games left out on the coffee table. 

“Make sure you put those up, Mon’.” She said softly, taking a sip of some iced tea. 

“I will. Also, guess who won the most games tonight? Guess, guess!”

Carol shook her head with a laugh.

“Hmm, if I was gonna take a wild guess… You?!” 

Maria smiled widely, pointing at her daughter playfully.

“You betcha’! I whooped Mama Carol’s butt like eighty billion times at all the games. Even the one you taught me that she was supposed to be super good at, even with the new fancy dice! She only won that one three times, and the last one was just pure luck cause’ I almost had it!” 

Carol and Monica laughed together, and suddenly Maria’s eyes unfocused. The laughter in the background melted into one sound, and everything else started to go quiet. She thought about the dice. The colors on the dots. Where she had left them sitting, in the box, in her room. She thought about why they were in Carol’s belongings and not her own. Then she thought about everything else that was in the box with them. She only came to when Monica and Carol’s laughing slowed down, reminding her that it would seem weird if she didn’t respond in the next second or two.

“Well, it looks like the mighty do fall sometimes. I used to let her win that game every time we played it.” 

Maria half heartedly laughed with a smirk, almost instantly regretting bringing up the past. Carol looked down at her almost empty plate for a moment before fixing her own face to shoot back something well timed and sarcastic enough to play off the shudder that sentence sent through her spine.

“Hmm, crazy cause when it comes to everyone else in the world, meaning you, I’m still the world champion. Monica just had that lucky dice trick.” 

Before Maria could even laugh, Monica jumped in.

“Hey! It’s not just the lucky dice, I just also happen to be the smartest person in the whole wide stinkin’ world too!”

“You make a good point.”

Carol and Maria said in unison, both with an adoring laugh. All three looked at each other and broke out laughing, feeling thankful for the lack of awkwardness that probably would’ve left in the air if it wasn’t so funny.

After that, everyone finished and avoided the different subjects on everyone’s minds happily. Carol cleaned up the plates, grazing by Maria’s arm while she walked to the sink. Monica pulled Maria over to the couch with her while Carol washed the dishes, quickly putting away all the games they had left out and positioning herself on the couch while Maria flipped through the channels for her. She had sat right in the middle, leaving just enough space for either woman on both sides of her. She really did live up to that nickname sometimes, both mother’s thought. When Carol made her way over, they were just settling on a show to watch. 

“Remember, you get 10 extra minutes.”

“Does that have to count commercials? Can we pause the timer when they come on? Pleeeeeaasssshhhhh.”

Monica pretended to beg to both women who laughed. 

“We’ll see what we can do. Time starts now, though.”

Maria answered her. Monica turned towards the tv and leaned back, wanting to take in every minute she had. She normally would get about an episode and a half in during her nighttime tv, maybe two if her mom dozed off in between. She was sure she was going to get at least two this time, since Maria looked sleepy. She didn’t account for Carol’s super powers making her have a longer stamina, but she figured she wouldn’t snitch. She looked up at her as they watched and she shot her down a wink in return, solidifying their silent agreement. As long as it was still summertime, Carol didn’t have an issue with it. Of course, she wouldn’t go against Maria, though, unless of course she fell asleep. Which she usually did. 

The three sat through an episode, choosing not to count the commercials in their internal timers, and started the second one. A few minutes in, Monica had positioned herself with her head and back on Carol’s lap, with her legs and feet on Maria’s. She watched the show quietly, not noticing herself dozing off. Once the second episode was over, she was fast asleep, nearly drooling on Carol. Both women laughed quietly at the sight. Maria reaches for the remote to turn off the tv while Carol effortlessly lifts Monica up and begins to walk her to her room. As she walks away, Maria fights the idea of Carol lifting her that way and carrying her to bed. She shakes her head and stands up to go to the fridge.

When Carol makes her way back downstairs after carefully tucking the young girl in, she’s greeted with Maria passing her a beer and a bottle opener. 

“Not sure if you still need to use these, but c’mon.”

Carol doesn’t need it but she chooses to use it anyway. She follows Maria without question through the front door and onto the porch. The sun is down now and it’s not quite as warm as it was the night before. 

“God, I’ve been waiting for this all day.” 

Maria says, taking a long swig from the cold bottle. She sits down on the steps and leans back on her elbows, beer still laced between her fingers. She looks like she’s relaxing but Carol wonders if she is. She stands against one of the posts for a moment, opening her beer, before sitting down next to the woman but not too close. She hopes she’s the only one who can feel the tension in the air. It’s different than last time she was home.

“Long day, I take it?”

“Always.” 

Maria sighs with a short laugh, taking another sip. 

“But that’s the job. I’m sure you get it.”

Maria finishes, not sure if what she said sounded shady or not. It wasn’t meant to be. Or maybe it was, but it wasn’t coming from the part of her she was trying to show up as it. It was coming from the part she was burying inside of her.

“I do, but I also don’t. You have a lot to handle all the time. I’m happy I… can help, I guess.”

Carol wasn’t sure if that last part was a question or not. They both almost flinched at the word help. Carol was more than just a friend who liked to help. She was a parent and neither wanted her to take that away from herself just because of how long she had been away. Both decided not to say anything in the moment, though. They both just sipped their beers and looked out in front of them, gazing up and out at the world around them. Somehow, it felt bigger now that they were both on it together.

Maria thought about the box again, trying to keep it from her mind to no avail. She also thought about Carol’s skin grazing against hers in the kitchen earlier. She wondered if their contact would be minimal. Despite the late night and early morning they had shared, they hadn’t really touched or even been this close since. The first night never counted, that was their unspoken rule since the second time Carol had been home.

She was exhausted when she arrived, fighting to stay awake long enough to talk to both Rambeaus’ even though she wanted to so badly. It had been a particularly grueling mission and she had flown directly back to Earth after the conflict was over, not taking a break. So, when Maria offered to watch some TV with her on the couch, she sank quickly into the cushions. Before they knew it, they had woken up to the sun coming through the living room windows, curled into each other. Neither thought it was weird then, so why was it weird now? 

Carol thought about the box too, rereading the words from the letter in her mind again. Thinking about the pictures on Maria’s desk. Then she thought about the dream she had, with everyone sitting on the porch. She was so deep into replaying it that she almost jumped when a frog hopped by, startling both women from their respective day dreams.

“I think that’s the one Monica named after you.”

Carol laughed, remembering the day she had fondly.

“I’m flattered.”

Maria laughed back, the laugh jumping up her throat. It’s like she needed to laugh, after a long day of dealing with domestic and intergalactic bullshit, along with the mark Carol was burning into her brain.

It started to go quiet again until Carol spoke up, feeling the bubbles from the beer in her brain even if it wasn’t going to get her tipsy.

“You know, I dream about sitting on this porch a lot.” “Yeah?”

Maria asks, not looking at Carol.

“Yeah. With you and Mon. There’s always a shit ton of bubbles everywhere and it’s always a really nice day. I have that dream a lot. Except for when I’m actually here.”

Carol explained, partly relieved to share it with Maria. She leaned back, taking a sip before setting the beer down on the step next to her. She waited to see if Maria would answer, unsure if she wanted her to. 

Maria sat with a small smile, unsure if she would be able to keep herself composed through the moment. She dreams about home. 

“You know, when you first came back with your powers, I wondered if you still even needed to sleep.”

“Ha, you know I had the same thought when I realized I wasn’t actually half Kree. On the planet, I slept but I never felt tired. I only started to feel regular human things when I came back here. It was nice to feel sleepy again. It made rest feel satisfying, instead of just kind of necessary.”

Maria looked over at Carol, daring to meet eyes if she looked over too. She wanted to run a hand over the woman's thigh, comfort her for all the things she was sure were running through her mind. She wanted to reach out, pull her into her chest, and hold her there like a child. She wanted to rip all the pain of being conditioned and having to fight to undo it from her, stop it out on the ground and set it on fire for her. With a regular match, not fire from her hands even though sometimes she was convinced she could produce some magic power from her own hands too if she let herself feel enough. She hadn’t realized she had been staring and hadn’t responded until Carol finally turned to look at her. 

“I’m okay, you know. You don’t have to look at me like I’m gonna burst into flames any second. I’m okay, I feel normal being here.”

Carol smiled reassuringly, almost shyly.

“I know, I just hate those bastards.”

Maria sighed, letting her shoulders fall as she looked down at the space between them.

“I feel you. But, you know, someone once told me hate takes up too much room.”

Maria’s heart skipped a beat. Of course Carol would remember one of her wiser parables now, when all she wanted to do was be angry for her. It was usually the other way around, but despite her usual craziness, Carol always had a way of saying the right thing at the right time, even if she didn’t mean to. A superpowered space warrior was right two times a day, it seemed. She let herself laugh, but it came out rougher than she had expected. 

Carol reached over instinctively to grab her hand, squeezing it tight. That’s the second time. Maria thought, wondering if Carol was counting the times they touched too. She felt a dangerous warmth push its way to her chest. She would blame it on the beer like she always did but she couldn’t. Why was she on the verge of tears?

“Hey.” Carol whispered, trying to look at the woman’s face. She tried to smile, squeezing her hand again. This time, Maria squeezed back before pulling it away and picking her empty beer bottle up. 

“I think I’m gonna take a shower, long day, you know. If you wanna borrow some pajamas again, feel free to grab some from my dresser.”

Carol sat still for a moment, wondering if she had gone too far. Normally conversations like this would flow with ease and mutual fluidity. They would hang on each other’s every word until the inevitable came when the sun rose. Maria would wake Monica up to say goodbye, they’d share a cup or two of coffee and by the time the sun was almost at it’s peak, Carol would be long in the distance, no longer even in the atmosphere. So now, having more time than normal, she hoped she hadn’t over stepped. As Maria closed in on the door, only half a step before entering, Carol turned around to look at her.

“Where do you want me to sleep?”

Maria paused, not sure what to say. How did she communicate that she would rather pull her own hair out strand by strand than lay in her bed alone, without Carol Danvers, for another night? How did she explain that she didn’t want to sleep, she was tired in a way only Carol’s skin and fingers and mouth could heal her of? How did she communicate that this was her house too, and she could sleep wherever the fuck she wanted - on the roof if she pleased - as long as Maria could be next to her, without saying any of that?

“Wherever you feel comfortable.” She turned and smiled as best as she could before letting the screen door close behind her, trying to keep a normal pace as she made her way to the bathroom.

Carol sat on the steps for a few more minutes, giving Maria time to get her things for her shower ready and giving herself time to ponder what she should do. Should she sleep on the couch? Should she tell Maria that there’s no where in the universe more comfortable to her than next to her? Should she pretend she didn’t read the letter and see the pictures and hear what Monica said earlier? Should she just sleep on the god damn couch? Having not made up her mind yet, she wandered upstairs and pulled out an old teeshirt from one of the boxes she had been in earlier. She shivered when she looked at the box with the letter in it. She forced herself to focus, shuffling through to find anything appropriate to wear and pulled out some old PT shorts. They were certainly going to be shorter on her now than they were then, given she had put on some much needed muscle in certain areas but they’d have to do.

She felt too embarrassed to go through Maria’s drawer, wear her clothes and then awkwardly make her way to the couch downstairs, only to have to face her in the morning when breakfast time came. She didn’t feel right marking Maria’s belongings, even if they were just a bunch of holiday themed pajamas that she didn’t wear that often anyways. 

Carol decided to change as quickly as she could, and wait to say goodnight to Maria when she came in. She figured she should probably sleep on the couch, suddenly feeling very much like a guest who didn’t want to overstay their welcome. She switched out of her bottoms and underwear, jumping into the shorts she had found. They were snug but not uncomfortable. She took her shirt off quickly and as she began pulling her sports bra over her head, Maria walked in.

Shit.

Shit.

They both thought in unison. Thankfully, Carol’s back was to the door, so she pulled on the t shirt she found quickly while scolding herself for not paying attention enough to hear Maria coming down the hall. 

“S-sorry! I didn’t know you were in here yet. Didn’t see anything.” 

Maria assured, despite the fact that she was still staring at Carol’s once bare back while the woman folded up her clothes in a hurry. To Carol’s surprise, when she turned around, all she saw was Maria’s naked shoulders, moisturized perfectly, with a purple towel wrapped around her. She turned back around almost quicker than Maria could register. It was Carol’s turn to stutter.

“Oh shit, s-sorry! I didn’t see anything either! I didn’t hear you coming!”

Maria accidentally laughed.

“Don’t you have super hearing?”

“Shut up! It only works when you pay attention to it! I thought you were still in the shower. I’m surprised you were so fast, Lt. Trouble told me you use all the hot water.”

Carol quipped back confidently, although she was still turned around and suddenly felt very warm.

“Oh, Trouble indeed. What else did she tell you?”

“A bunch.” 

Carol responded with a smirk in her voice. She sounded like a middle schooler, again reminding Maria how alike her and Monica were. 

“I’m sure. You can turn around now, if you want.”

Carol turned to see Maria smoothing a big white shirt over her belly button, quickly covering up the top of her thighs that were barely covered by the blue boy shorts she was wearing underneath. Carol stared down at the clothes in her hands trying not to seem as anxious as she was. She bent down to pick up the black pair of underwear and a sock she had dropped when she heard Maria chuckle.

“HA! What the hell are you wearing? Are those PT shorts? And does your underwear say Danvers? You still do that?” 

She was practically giggling at this point, a sound that sprung butterflies up in Carol’s stomach. It also taunted her, leaving her no choice but to rebuttal. 

“Listen man! I’m working with what I got! And no, I don’t still write my name in my underwear. I got these from the box of my old clothes.” 

Carol quipped, but found herself almost giggling too. She would’ve found it funny if Maria had on PT shorts from bootcamp too. 

“Whew. That is hilarious, Danvers.”

Maria breathes out, barely recovering from her fit of laughter at Carol’s expense. 

“Oh yeah, I’m flattered!”

She rolled her eyes playfully at Maria. They both sat down on the bed trying to collect themselves, both feeling lighter than before by a small margin.

After a few moments, Maria broke the impending silence before it could secure itself between them.

“Seems like you an Mon’ had a good day. Hopefully she didn’t give you too much trouble for one day.”

“Nah, it wasn’t too bad at all. She did whoop my ass in pretty much every game you guys own though.”

Carol smiled to herself. Maria fought hard to avoid bringing up the board game and the dice again. She quickly found a new topic to latch onto.

“You know, I must say, you also really did a great job not burning the place down with all that cooking you were doing. Are the aliens teaching you how to handle a kitchen or have you been practicing?”

She laughs, almost forced but she was actually impressed.

“Mmm. Id say it was pure dumb luck, but I’m gonna try to replicate it tomorrow.” 

Carol chuckles, not knowing that the mention of tomorrow was sending Maria’s heart into a frenzy. Silence weasled it’s way back between them for a few moments, although Carol didn’t pick up on it as much this time. It wasn’t until Maria broke it again that she realized it was her turn to figure out how to not let it freeze the warm air between them.

“So, there’s a tomorrow?” 

Maria asked timidly, not wanting to latch too tightly onto the idea that Carol might be staying for longer than coffee in the morning.

“Uh, yeah. I’ll be here tomorrow. I wanna try my hand at making waffles this time.”

Carol tries to cut the returned tension she felt. 

“I was thinking about working on my old car in the garage too, if that’s okay with you of course.”

“Yeah, of course. You know you don’t have to ask. This is your house, too. And it’s literally your car.”

Your house, too. Carol reached into the pocket of the pants she had on earlier, pulling out two colorful dice. She rolled them around in her hand for a second. 

“Yeah?”

She said, turning to finally face the woman sitting once again a bit too far away from her. The feeling of being a guest in her own home no longer sat in her chest. She allowed her eyes to make their way up Maria’s frame before meeting her eyes. Carol felt her hand move towards the woman, who was now looking down at one of the die in her non moving hand. Maria was almost terrified to meet her gaze, breath caught in her throat. Carol felt their hands connect, dropping the other die in her hand before closing her fingers around Maria’s. The woman next to her squeezed tight, almost too tight even for the superhero. 

Maria finally met Carol’s eyes with her own, finally releasing her breath, allowing her chest to move. 

“Yeah.” 

She said softly, almost too soft to hear but just enough for Carol. They both looked like they might burst into tears, both of them having to break eye contact but refusing to release each other from their grip. Third time, Maria counted in her blurring mind. She suddenly felt like all she could hear was her own heartbeat and Carol’s breath. They were close again, it was all she needed. She needed to feel Carol’s skin, know she was real. Know she wouldn’t let go.

Carol struggling against her own breath, finally let the desperation sitting inside of her take control. 

“What’re we doing, ‘Ri?”

She asked, in almost a whisper. She heard Maria’s breath get choked in her throat, just like she had earlier in the kitchen with Monica. She was still worried that she might have pushed too far too fast, but she needed something. Anything Maria could give her. An answer, a rejection, anything. She couldn’t sit still in the stifled confusion much longer, she feared she might actually implode. She waited, listening to Maria’s breathing. In and out, in and out. Like she was trying to quietly catch her breath. She heard her heart beat, it matched her own. Like they could beat out of their chests and find the other heart. Like they needed to be pressed together. So, Carol did just that. Finally listening to what her body was telling her. Hoping it wouldn’t be the wrong thing.

Just as Maria tried to whisper I don’t know, she let go of Maria’s hand and pulled her in, chest to chest, nestling her face in Maria’s shoulder. Maria whimpered, almost in shock. It took her almost 10 seconds to return the embrace, finally crushing into Carol the way she needed to. She knelt her face in the warmth of Carol’s neck, creating a tsunami in Carol from the graze of her lips against the side of her neck alone. They made themselves impossibly close, quieting the sounds of the world and honing in on each other’s heart beats. They took in each other’s scent, filling their lungs with the air surrounding each other. They let their hair tickle each other, finding comfort in the familiar feeling of Blackness around them. They rocked into each other to a rhythm that was so natural it almost felt like part of breathing. Finally, Maria let it drop.

A single tear rolled down Carol’s shoulder, sliding down as far as it could carry itself. Maria choked back what was sure to be her own tsunami.

“Mar-”

“I miss you. -- I miss you I m-iss you I miss you.”

She whispered with a drawn out sob. It was so quiet, it felt tragic to them both. 

Carol was silent, letting the woman release whatever she was ready to, feeling her chest heave with the impatience to relieve itself from the pent up emotions. She felt the woman in her arms shake softly, trying to fight back anything she convinced herself was a weakness. She had things to do, a person to be, a child to raise. She couldn’t let the grief get her again. But it was always there, maybe even more now in some ways. She hadn’t let this happen in so long, and the weight of pretending had pushed her to the edge of herself. She was the strongest woman in the world, and it was because she was soft. 

Carol struggled against her own tears, trying not to let them come so that she wouldn’t center her own pain in the moment. They were both too similar for their own good. She listened to Maria’s body pull the words up her throat and out her mouth, betraying her as they saved her from the pit she kept forcing herself into.

“I miss you ss-so much.” She repeated several times over. Like it was the only language she spoke. Eventually, she stopped, letting her fingers relax from gripping into Carol’s skin as tight as she could. She leaned into Carol more, feeling the weight of her body’s exhaustion mix with that of her mind. Carol let her, holding her firm but gentle. She lifted the woman up just as effortlessly as she did Monica, and carried her to her side of the bed, never moving her face from her shoulder. She laid her and herself down, sliding easily over top of her until she was on her side, careful not to put any weight on Maria’s body. She pulled the cover over them, that being the only time her hand left Maria’s body. She cradled the soft woman, giving her all of herself. She rocked her gently, counting her heart beats. 

As Maria’s breath finally got slower and deeper, she knew she would be asleep soon. Maria didn’t want to sleep but she needed it. Carol needed it to. They stuck to each other like glue, once again paying no mind to the heat stuck between them. Carol whispered back, finally.

“I miss you too.”

She felt Maria squeeze her tighter, then release and finally relax her body all the way. 

No more sniffles, no more sounds, just the weightless feeling of being together. It was easy again, for the moment. Carol rubbed her thumb lightly over Maria’s back, comforting them both enough to rest. She let the thoughts she had been fighting release from the walls of her mind, daring to look at them. She thought about the night in the lake, laying in the sand. She thought about the night before she left for a new base, with no idea when they’d be together again. She thought about the first time she came home, the gentle uncertainty between them melting away like it always did - no matter how much still needed to be figured out. She wasn’t sure how much progress had been made, but she knew that this is where she needed to be. As she finally let herself drift off to sleep, knowing that Maria was alright enough now, she knew she wouldn’t dream. She released herself to the peace of belonging, only to be startled one more time.

“Don’t you even think about leaving until you finish that car.” 

Maria commanded, even in her softest state. Carol smiled, feeling even more in place now.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”