#everyone else had perfectly healthy normal relationships

[sharonccrter]

I saw this really interesting video, which talked about my two biggest gripes with challengers' discourse. Which are that everyone keeps saying Art is the heart of this movie, and secondly, the insistence that Patrick doesn't love Tashi, only Art. The creator pushes back against these two narratives, and I wholeheartedly agree. Patrick is arguably the heart of this movie.

Two of the most important scenes in the movie are the churro scene and the scene between p/t out in the storm, and they both centre around Patrick.

The entire movie is about passion and purpose in life, and Patrick is the passion.

I mean, a lot of people assume Patrick didn't really have feelings for Tashi, but the only person who says that is Art. Who is vying for Tashi and is his biggest competitor. The reason I empathise with Patrick is that he is genuine and loving to Art; he does love him. However, we are shown no evidence to suggest that Patrick is this shitty boyfriend, apart from what Art says when he's trying to get into Tashi's head because his jealous. We find out that they're talking every week while he's on tour (normal relationship shit). It's Art who insinuates that Patrick is cheating while on tour. The only person in this movie who says Patrick doesn't love Tashi is Art, and it's obviously very intentional.

I think the reason both Tashi and Art push Patrick out of their lives is because he forces them to comfort parts of themselves they are not yet comfortable with. I mean, it's obvious why Tashi would react that way to Patrick; she's just lost the most important thing in her life. However, I think it's tragic from Patrick's point of view as well. I mean, what did Patrick really do? He got into a fight with his girlfriend because she hurt his feelings.

And no, he's hurt was not about Art. The fight made him feel unimportant, which made him feel like she didn't actually care about him. And that's where Art comes in, because who was going around telling Patrick Tashi didn't give a shit? You bet ya. Art. Art absolutely got into his head. And even if he clocked it, in that moment, he still allowed it to get to him because he was emotional and upset. And because he was too hurt to support her, he was thrown out of Tashi and Art's lives.

And here's the thing, Patrick never saw Tashi as an idea. He saw her as a real person, unlike Art kinda did. Patrick wasn't going to let Tashi treat him like shit just because she was special. And, tbh, if Tashi hadn't gotten injured, I think it's something she would have eventually been grateful for. But instead, she got hurt; she pushed Patrick away, and Art slid into his place, telling her that she could be his entire world and the star. That's not healthy, and sorry to stay a little manipulative.

And let's talk about Art. Patrick and him were literally fire and ice. They always had this underlying desire. They were perfect opposites. Let's face it: Art could never replicate what he had on the court (and off) with anyone else. But instead of confronting his feelings, he took the first chance he had to get Patrick out of his life.

The girl I was watching said it perfectly, "Art and Tashi allowed themselves to find consolation prizes in each other and allowed them to run from parts of themselves they didn't want to comfort and in turn enable each other's worst habits."

Art tries to become a tennis superstar so Tashi can live through him, and Tashi gives him a family so he can finally be confident in who he is. But is there any passion? I don't know; I think at some point, it drained; nothing about what I saw on screen apart from their initial get-together screams passion.

Cue Patrick walking back into their life and showing them how they can feel. Art was always going to let Tashi live through him, but that was never going to be satisfying for her. Tashi needs to find a way to create an identity for herself, separate from him. And I believe it'll be the only way she'll live a satisfying life. That's why they need Patrick: to make them realise that and to help them rediscover their passion.

I think people think that Art is the heart because Patrick admits to being a piece of shit. But the truth is, they're all dicks; Patrick was just the only one who was willing to admit it.

[phantomrose96]

I had a dream last night that I was in a work call and I made some kind of short-people joke (on account of I Am Short Person) and then I realized after the call I'd accidentally said "little people" instead of "short people." Which was immediately mortifying and I was like "okay HOPEFULLY everyone present understood from context I just misspoke and meant short people and that it was a joke about myself?"

Then a few hours later I checked my Teams and it was blowing up with messages from coworkers demanding an explanation for my insensitive joke (including clients? I don't have clients.) I drafted a whole ass twitter-apology style letter like super owning up to my mistake and fault but also I just misspoke I swear. It was a short-person joke at my own expense. The meeting was recorded please watch it.

But no one read the letter because trial like, immediately started, which included one of my coworkers walking in with some(?) company product(?) designed specifically with accessibility standards for little people and my coworker was like "this company stands with little people. you don't get it because you HATE them" and every time I TRIED to speak to explain myself I got silenced because it wasn't my turn yet to speak so I just had to listen to everyone else yelling at me for how much I clearly hate little people. Then I woke up and it took me a solid few seconds to process it was a dream and I WASN'T facing imminent firing and work-cancelation by work-trial.

Anyway I think I have a perfectly normal and healthy relationship with the internet and how it treats perceived transgressions.

[a0random0gal]

"healthy" doesn't always mean good in fiction. Eremika's unhealthiness is what makes the ship compelling and interesting. It's built into the core of the story. Also your "healthiest ship" requires ignoring that he emotionally manipulated her into keeping her mouth shut about his genocide plan and threatened to have her memories erased. Historia never expressed any interest in him that way. Men and women can in fact just be friends.

Ohh boy, you're bold anon, I have to hand it to ya.

Yes healthy doesn't always mean good, in fact it can actually lead to some very boring ships, but that is still a perfectly good thing to look for in a pairing.

In contrast unhealthy can be interesting, but mostly leads to abusive relationships that get glorified by the fandom in spite of their toxic nature, and in this aspect Eremika is no exception. These two are just awful for one another.

He headbutts her, call her names, tells her he hates her (I know he didn't mean it, but it wrecked her emotionally so my point stands) put her in a situation that could have gotten her killed, never confided in her regarding his plans etc...

She was an overbearing mama who constantly treated him like an incompetent child that couldn't do anything on his own.

What's compelling in a relationship with this dynamic:

"Eren eat your veggies!"

"Eren put on a coat, or you're gonna catch a cold!"

"Eren don't run you're gonna trip!"

Oh and don't get me started on this

She literally deluded herself for years into believing that everything he did was somehow tied back to her. Even Armin, Reiner and Berthold gave her the 🙄 look.

Also her entire character revolves around him and it makes her super boring and robotic. Even after he dies she spends her life worshipping his grave and dies with that gosh darned scarf on her neck. She only took it off once ( when she gave an ounce of development) before cruelly snatching it from the hands of a dying girl that was using it for comfort (something I'll never forgive her for).

She was originally meant to break away from him but alas, good writing died after 134.

Annd the story never revolved around them. Mikasa only became the protagonist in the last chapter out of fucking thin air and it looked soo forced. Lmao Hisu had more parallels with Ymir than Mikasa of all people.

The only time their relationship mattered was at the end of season 2, but after that we got nothing important.

Last thing on this dumpster fire of a ship... They're boring asf.

Like I know some unhealthy relationships that are toxic and all, but the characters have chemistry, and it can make up for the awful shit they can do to eachother. Eremika has no chemistry. I would rather watch paint dry than think about them romantically.

Regarding Erehisu... Have we read the same aot chapter? Or just the same conversation between Eren and Historia? Because I don't think so.

He emotionally manipulated her to keep her mouth shut

What? When did this ever happen? She chose to stay silent. Hell he didn't even need to tell her his plans, it was quite risky, since she could have snitched on him to the Mps and ruined everything.

He chose to confide in her cause he knew she wouldn't tell, cause she was the worst girl in the world who saved him, the girl who chose her selfishness over the world already, in that cave when she saved him, when she told him that she would always be his ally, that they were enemies of humanity.

She never wanted the future that she was destined to if she accepted the 50 year plan. She had accepted it for the greater good. Something selfless that only Christa could have done.

He knew that, and reminded her of who she really was. A selfish, normal girl like everyone else.

She was shocked by the genocide that awaited them if they followed Eren's plan but ultimately chose it over sacrificing herself and her future children. Totally in character, no manipulation involved lmao.

He threatened to erase her memories

Nope. She was upset so he offered to lighten her burden by erasing her memories if she wanted to. It was a proposal made out of empathy for her shock. No threats, where did you see em?

She was never interested in him

Say what you want about her feelings for him, interpret them how you please, but you can't deny a connection from which feelings could blossom. This meme perfectly sums up my thoughts about this:

Yes men and women can be friends, I just don't see it this way for Erehisu. Actually I could tell you the same thing for Eremika. Better as siblings lol.

[scholastic-dragon]

Happy Blurple tuesday everyone!

I give to you all my very first mating season fic, which was supposed to be ooey gooey feelings and ended up in lots of biting and dry humping (way to go brain!)

So this is an 18+ story, minors GO AWAY.

Another edit note, this is now a TMNT All 4 1 Challenge fic, I didn't mean to do that but one of the lines just worked perfectly.

I don't know what it is about this challenge but it makes me write borderline smutty things. The line is getting thinner everyday.

Enjoy!

Leo x Fem!reader x Donnie

Sweet Treat

Warnings: slight angsty boys in the beginning, spelling mistakes, talk about mating seasons and mates, healthy communication, established relationship, poly!relationship (not tscest), turtle smoothces and neck kisses (and bites 😉), grinding and making out, premature ejaculation,

You weren't sure how it started but you could tell your boyfriends were miserable.

They weren't as happy or chipper, they barely left the lair and responded in short simple messages.

It was the beginning of spring and normally your seasonal depression and cabin fever started to flare up, so you assumed that's what they were going through.

It's the only thing that made sense.

But there was something else. When you video called Donnie and Leo there was a sadness and longing in their eyes.

You knew something was going on, and eventually they would come and tell you what was wrong, but until then, you came up with a plan.

Finding a recipe online, you - to some work of a higher being- made a pretty decent homemade tiramisu. After putting that in the fridge you headed to your nearest Target to pick up some things.

You grabbed an extra box of Leo's favorite tea and crackers and a few large bags of candy. Coming home, you texted your boyfriends asking them to come over.

Normally they'd both simultaneously say yes, unless training or patrol was within an hour or so. But you had to send a few convincing texts before they agreed.

You put your kettle on the stove, heating up the water and pulled out Leo's favorite mug. Then you pulled out Donnie's tiramisu, which thankfully, was still standing.

About 10 minutes later, you heard a small knock at your window. You rushed over and unlocked it, moving so your large boyfriends could squeeze in.

Your wide smile dissolved slightly seeing how uncomfortable they looked. Their shoulders were tense, jaws clenched, they looked ready to fight at the slightest move.

"Hey, I missed you guys," You spoke softly, watching as they removed their boots and heavy gear.

"I missed you too, dearest," Donnie said, unlacing his boots.

"You've been on my mind all week, love,"

You raised a brow, normally it was the same response or they said "we" but this was different. They weren't even looking each other in the eyes, they were completely avoiding the other.

"Are you alright?" They both stood up tall and shrugged.

"Yeah, I'm fine,"

"just, tired," they spoke at the same time, it was almost frightening.

"Not to sound ungrateful to be over, but is there a reason you insisted we hangout tonight?" Donnie stepped forward, his frame blocking out Leo from your view.

"Uh....yeah, I noticed you guys seemed a bit off....so I-" You pointed toward the kitchen when the kettle started to whistle. Both boys winced at the sound.

You leaned around Donnie, placing a hand on Leo's forearm. "That's for tea, if you want some," You smiled warmly. The look broke him, his brows furrowing and his chest heaving as if this were something hard to comprehend.

"But you don't have the tea-"

"I got some today, you favorite, there's a whole box in the cabinets," His jaw dropped at your statement, marching over to your cabinets until he found the box.

He saw his mug out too and started to make his favorite drink.

"I have something for you too," You took Donnie's hand in yours leading him to the kitchen island.

"For me?" He stuttered, his palms were sweaty and he seemed hesitant to follow you further into your apartment.

You pulled the tiramisu tray over, watching as his eyes widened and jaw dropped.

"You-" He stuttered, breathing picking up. "You made this- You made this? For me?"

"Yeah, I know you love it, and don't worry if it's not good I have DoorDash points I can use to just order one-" You were cut off by him launching at you, his hands cupping your face. The force of his steps pushed you back into the counter.

You thought he was going to kiss you, but instead, he was nuzzling and rubbing his nose on your face and neck. He was also chirping extremely loud, which was very unlike him.

"Donnie, what's gotten into you?" You giggle, feeling his breath tickle your neck.

"I love you, I love you so much," He mumbled into your skin. He sounded drunk like he wasn't believing you were right in front of him.

His nips turned into small kitten licks and kisses, going from your chin to your jaw then down your neck.

You were frozen on the spot, you didn't want to disturb him, so you rested your hands on his biceps.

When Donnie got to the juncture where your neck and shoulder met he inhaled deeply. His arms moved from your face, down your shoulders to your arms, squeezing and holding you in place.

He kissed the spot loudly and welly before his teeth grazed your skin.

"Donnie~"

A loud bang made you both jump, looking over Donnie's shell you saw Leo glaring at his brother. His jaw was clenched and his chest was puffed out.

What the-

"You promised, Donnie," Leo growled out. Donnie sighed, body slumping as he peeled himself away from you.

"What-What's going on? What did he promise?" You glance between the two of them.

They shared a look before Donnie cleared his throat. "You were right earlier when you said we'd been acting differently and seeming more....upset." He inhaled deeply, not meeting your eyes. "The truth is that it's our mating season and we both desperately want to be your mates but being around you at the same time makes both of us very aggressive and violent towards each other, and we don't want to be that way in fear of hurting you. So we made a promise that neither of us would mate, or in our case bite, you."

"Oh baby," You stepped forward, gesturing for them to do the same. When they did, you cupped their cheeks, running your thumbs along their cheekbones. "I don't mind being your mate, if thats something you both want, we made this relationship work, we can make this work too,"

"Our instincts say otherwise," Donnie mumbled, kissing your palm. "It's a constant physical and mental battle,"

"Then we'll just have to change them," Both their eyes went wide, glancing at each other and then back at you. "I will become both of your mates and we'll work through it one step at a time,"

"Honey, you don't have to-" Leo started, moving his face out of your hand.

"I want to. This isn't something that you have to go through alone, I want to help you both,"

Leo chuckled, blinking the tears away from his eyes. "God, you really are perfect, aren't you?"

"Alright, so step one," You removed your hands and looked between them. "How do I become your mate?"

Both chuckled softly, their faces turning a bit darker.

"Well, for our instincts we want to bite the juncture of your neck and shoulder," Leo rubbed his hands on his pants, not meeting your eyes.

"Alright," You shrugged, pulling a hair tie off your wrist and putting it up. "Who's first?"

The boys stuttered glancing at each other, seeming to have a telepathic conversation before meeting your eyes.

"Can....can we do it one at a time?" Leo sheepishly asked.

"And with a bit more privacy, it's kinda a big moment for us," Donnie piped in.

"Yeah, yeah, that's fine, whatever you guys want." You smiled warmly at them, taking one of their hands you squeeze gently. "I'll go wait in my room and we'll take turns,"

You heard their collective sighs of relief as you walked away, softly closing your bedroom door.

You threw off your thick sweatshirt, wearing only a tank top, and quickly pulled the blankets on you bed up.

You turned off the big overhead light and switched on your fairy lights. You wanted this to be perfect for them.

You could hear them talking through the door, thankfully it didn't sound mean or violent.

After a moment the handle turned and a very shy Leo opened the door. He smiled at you, closing the door behind him.

You sat up on your knees and held your arms out. He was quick to jump on the bed with you and wrap his arms around your waist, pulling your chest flush with his.

You kissed him softly, noticing how his hands were shaking. To calm him, you rubbed your hands up and down his large arms.

He sighed heavily, one hand cupping your cheek as the kisses got more heated. He pulled away breathlessly, staring deep into your eyes, his hand moved to the back of your head, massaging your scalp.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

You suppressed a giggle, nodding and kissing his plump lips again.

"Yes, I'm sure, love,"

He nodded, a gesture that was clearly more for himself. He sat up more on his knees, coming a few inches above you, one hand held your hip and the other on the back of your head, keeping you steady.

He kissed down your jaw, inhaling greedily at the smell that was pure you. Reaching the juncture, he breath quivered before his lips kissed the spot softly.

His teeth gently grazed your skin, as if testing where the best spot to bite would be. When he found his spot, his body tensed for a moment, pulling you impossibly closer.

His teeth firmly came out and pressed down on your skin, giving you a moment to still back out.

Your hands ran up and down his arms, squeezing and massaging the muscles.

Finally, his resolve broke and his teeth clamped down on your neck. Not enough to break the skin, but you certainly would have a large bruise.

You whimpered softly, Leo's hand started massaging your hip to get you to relax. Your face flushed at the loud muffled groan he made into your skin.

The pain ebbed away as he gently licked and kissed the spot. He pulled away, still holding you, his pupils were blown wide as he looked you over.

"Are you alright?" His chest heaved.

This time you let a little giggle escape, cupping his face in your hands. "Yes, Leo it was just a little bite,"

He kissed both your palms, his hands rubbing your wrists. "Not to me,"

He kissed you soundly, slipping his tounge past your lips before pulling away with a smirk.

"I'll go get Donnie," He rose from the bed, going out into the living room.

You took a moment to catch your breath, how something as simple as a bite got your heart racing was a mystery to you.

After a moment, Donnie opened the door with a large grin, kicking the door closed and pouncing on you.

You fell back onto the soft pillows as Donnie immediately began kissing you. He impatiently licked at the seam of your lips and you opened your mouth with a small moan.

He groaned against you, laying on his forearm by your head while the other hand trailed up and down your side.

He pulled back, gulping down air, smiling like a dork. He rubbed his nose against yours, then realized he still had his glasses on and put them on the nightstand.

He chuckled softly, examining your neck, he went to the other side of Leo's bite and gently nuzzled and bit at the skin.

He too exhaled shakily at the juncture, looking up to meet your eyes. "May I?"

You nodded, nails scratching at the back of his head and shoulders.

His head lowered and he kissed the spot wetly, then inhaled deeply before sinking his teeth into the spot.

He moaned loudly against your skin, hand gripping the blanket by your head. Your heart felt like it was going to explode in your chest. Why were you enjoying this so much?

He pulled away and kissed the spot, then trailed up your neck to your lips.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay," You were breathless, staring into his gorgeous hazel eyes.

Then a sheepish look flashed across his face. "Can I...um.....okay, I know we've asked a lot of you today, but....um....but,"

"Donnie," You cup his face, kissing his nose to silence him. "It's alright, honey, you can ask,"

His face grew darker looking down at you. "Would you....bite me as well?"

You eyes went wide as saucers, your voice catching in your throat.

He was quick to explain. "I mean, you're already my mate cause of my bite but it would mean a lot to me if you would-"

"Okay."

He stopped talking, staring down at you with wide eyes. You were sure he stopped breathing.

"Okay?" He repeated.

"Okay, I'll bite you," You giggle softly as he rolled over so you were on top of him. Planting your hands on the bed beside his head you leaned over him, feeling a wave of uncertainty wash over you. "I'm new to all of this, can you show me where to start?"

He smiled, running his hand up and down his neck. "Just kiss and nip all around, then when you feel comfortable, bite right here," He tapped his collarbone, chest heaving.

You nodded, showering his neck with kisses, licks, and nips. His hands wrapped around your waist, one occasionally dipping down to squeeze and palm at your ass through your sweatpants.

Feeling more courage with his small moans and whimpers, you kiss his collarbone. Running your teeth over the spot, taking a deep breath you bite down.

Donnie's hands tightened around you, pushing you into his body. As your teeth sunk into his skin, he let out a very loud moan, his hips grinding into your stomach. Your face turned bright red from the noise, and you felt a wet patch start to form on your lower stomach.

You pull away, noticing how heavy Donnie was panting and the way his eyes were screwed shut.

"Did you just-"

"No," He was quick to respond, not meeting your eyes.

"It's alright that you did-"

"Well I didn't, that must be from you,"

"I'm wearing thick sweatpants, there's no way I could've done that!" You giggled, cupping his cheek and making him meet your eyes. "There's nothing to be embarrassed about,"

He scoffed. "There are actually several, but okay,"

You kissed his pout, laughing against his lips. "I love you," You looked over your shoulder at the door. "And I love you too, Leo!"

Leo sheepishly opened the door, trying and failing to hide his grin.

Donnie sat up on his elbows. "How long were you at the door?"

"Well it sounded like a bird hit the window and I wanted to make sure it was okay," Leo ducked the pillow that Donnie chucked at him.

Donnie groaned. "I'm never going to live this down, am I?"

You and Leo both shook your heads. "No, you're not,"

You leaned down and kissed him again, smirking as you trailed a hand down his plastron.

"But I can think of a few ways you can make it up to me,"

tags: @turtle-babe83 @thelaundrybitch @happymoonangel @sharpwindow @sketch-and-write-lover @dilucsflame33 @tmnt-tychou

[very-straight-blog]

Unpopular opinion (spoilers)

Well, I've read The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, and I really can't understand why everyone is so pissed off about Snow. First of all, let's be clear - we're not talking about Snow from the trilogy, but about Snow from this book, from the prequel. This boy hasn't killed Finnick, tortured Peeta, etc. yet. Before reading a book, I found various reviews and was expecting something like a story of becoming a villain, but instead I got the story of a boy trying to provide security for himself and his family. Since when did that become something bad? I got from the reviews that there are actually two things imputed to him - Sejanus's death and his relationship with Lucy Gray. Let's talk about it.   So, Sejanus. I don't understand at all why he's supposed to be a positive character. He's an infantile child who craves attention. Shortsighted, ungrateful and rather stupid. His father did everything to save him from the reaping and he can't show even the slightest gratitude? He and his potential wife and children will never have to participate in the Hunger Games, and he acts like his father is the worst person on the planet? Really? Next, there's a big difference between questioning the social system you're in, pondering ways to change the situation, and protesting openly on your own, obviously having no effect on anything. The second is stupid, and on top of that, you frame people close to you, your family and friends. We saw it when Snow was sent to the arena to save Sejanus. In fact, Coriolanus made his first murder because of Sejanus's stupidity. Sejanus doesn't understand that in a totalitarian state, the best thing you can do is to nurture your plans quietly, and he doesn't know how to control his emotions. After the arena story, he was even given a second chance, which he ignored and started helping the rebels. This guy chose to die from the beginning, it was his choice to take the risk, he should have understood the potential consequences of his decisions. The good old argument - "And why was Coriolanus allowed to escape" - well I don't even know, maybe Coriolanus wasn't rescuing captured rebels along the way? And yes - I'll remind you - Coriolanus and Sejanus were not friends, it was Sejanus who saw Snow as a friend, because no one else interacted with him. Why would Snow frame himself because of a man he essentially didn't care about? And yes - Snow was right - these men had no weapons, no money, not even a proper plan. This rebellion made no sense and was doomed beforehand.   Now, Lucy Gray. I think Coriolanus really was in love with her. I don't think it was a healthy feeling, but still. He defended her in the arena while endangering himself and essentially lost everything because of it. I really don't approve of the fact that he shot her at the end of the book - but for the world he lived in, his paranoia is logical (not to be confused with approving). I've seen people talking about choosing between love and power - but what kind of love are we talking about? A teenage passion that was born in extremely unhealthy circumstances? They spent a total of three days together, no more. It is normal to prefer the well-being of yourself and your family, comfort, security, stability and prospects to such "love". Also, I've seen many people having fun because of his behavior in the wildlife - but it's perfectly normal, isn't it? It's normal to be disgusted at the sight of worms, normal to realize that the idea of looking for some imaginary people in the woods is stupid, normal to realize that they will die here from any disease/cold/attack by wild animals. And what would they do out there alone, even if they managed to survive? These are all the adequate thoughts of a normal person.

  In conclusion, I will say that I still have a lot of thoughts about this book, here I have shared only the main ones. However, for me it was a book with the most obvious message I've read lately. Even if the author tried to show us the formation of a villain, she failed. The result is a book with a wonderful character, who is finally in no hurry to give up his life for the sake of a meaningless idea, but thinks first of all about himself and his family. Coriolanus's choices in the book are not easy, but logical, and I would like to see more such realistic characters in literature.

[bandedbulbussnarfblat]

here is a preview for my next Armand/Daniel one shot (which I will hopefully finish and post sometime tomorrow) under a read more bc it's a bit long

It’s been nearly a month since Daniel and Armand have reconciled.  Regaining his memories awakened those old feelings.  After the interview, Daniel tried to go back to his normal life.  He didn’t last long.  Once he remembered Armand, he wanted him.  It’s like he’s found the missing puzzle piece that completes him.  

Which yeah, that’s not exactly healthy.  But Daniel is old and sick; he figures he’s got ten to fifteen years tops.  Years of drug use have had their toll, and there isn’t exactly a cure for Parkinson’s.  So if he wants to spend his last few years with the love of his life, who cares?  They’ve already damaged each other in all the ways that matter.  And yet, there’s still so much love there.

Daniel loves Armand so much it makes him crazy.

Worse, it makes him insanely horny.  They haven’t fucked yet.  Armand tried getting in his pants the very night they got back together.  Daniel had refused him, saying at his age he couldn’t get it up anymore.  He’s about seventy-five percent sure that Armand knows he’s lying.  Even without peeking in his head; he’s learned to read Daniel’s expressions well enough.

And Daniel has told him not to go digging around in there without his permission.  As far as he knows, Armand hasn’t.  It’s not so bad, not having sex.  Not like he was having much before.  Everyone his age is either married or in long term relationships.  Sure, there’s a few other divorcees, but none he’s really interested in.  So it’s been awhile.  

It’s not like he’s not getting off in other ways.  Armand bites him almost every night, and that feels just as good as sex.  Plus, he knows for a fact that Armand considers it more intimate.  Still, Daniel worries.  With Louis gone off and living the single life–not that that will last long–Armand isn’t getting it anywhere else either.  He doesn’t want it to cause problems between them.

But he can’t do it.  Armand remembers him from his youth, when he was willing to try anything at least once.  Back then he was a lot more flexible, and he didn’t sag in the wrong places.  Armand may think he wants to be with him, but the experience will prove lackluster.  He can’t do the things he used to do anymore.  He’ll just disappoint Armand.

The nightlight clicks on, light catching Armand’s fiery eyes and making them seem to glow.  “What’s wrong, my love?  Usually you’re asleep by now.”

Sleeping during the day isn’t nearly as hard as Daniel expected it to be.  His circadian rhythm has always been off, he doesn’t get sleepy till around 3 in the morning.  Sleeping during the day has actually done wonders for his insomnia.  

Daniel rolls to his side and meets Armand’s gaze.  Armand installed those fancy windows he had in Dubai to Daniel’s house here in Brooklyn.  They never really talked about it; Armand spent the night the first night and then just never left.  Daniel doesn’t really mind; he wants Armand here.  

“Can’t shut off my brain,” Daniel says.

“Perhaps I can help,” Armand says, and reaches a hand to his neck to stroke his thumb over the bite mark he left earlier.  

Heat flares in Daniel’s core and he sucks in a sharp breath.  God, he wants Armand.  Wants those teeth inside him at the same time as his cock.  He wants Armand to fuck him stupid.  Sometimes, when it was really good, or especially intense, he would get all floaty after.  Like he was disconnected from his body and everything was fuzzy and loose.  

Armand’s eyes darken and his hand closes around Daniel’s throat and holds him in place.  Then his mouth is on Daniel’s and Daniel sinks into the kiss.  Armand always kisses him a little before he bites him, and it’s always nice.  There’s a sharper edge to it now then there has been.  Armand’s tongue is fucking his mouth, and his lips are moving against his perfectly.  

Armand shifts, putting Daniel on his back.  He uses his free hand to spread Daniel’s thighs so he can slot between them.  He kisses Daniel until Daniel has to break away to catch his breath.  Then Armand nuzzles into his neck and breathes in his scent.  His hand moves to Daniel’s hair and snatches his head back.  He licks a hot stripe up Daniel’s neck and Daniel moans wantonly. 

Armand kisses his throat and sighs.  “My beautiful boy, let me make love to you.”

Daniel stiffens.  “I can’t, I told you-”

“Daniel,” Armand cuts him off, voice stern.  “Tell me the truth.  Why don’t you want to be with me?”

Daniel can feel his face turn red.  “I don’t want to disappoint you.  I’m not a spring chicken anymore.”

Armand’s brow furrows.  “You mortals have such peculiar expressions.  I suppose that’s referring to your age?”

Daniel looks away, nervously twisting his hands.  Armand catches them and presses a kiss to the back of each.  “You can’t disappoint me, beloved.  I’ve longed for you these years apart.  Let me have you.”

Daniel snorts.  “I’m old and out of shape.  It won’t be like it was before.”

“Do you truly think that matters?”

Daniel feels his chest tighten and he has to blink to keep the tears from welling. “Are you even physically attracted to me anymore? Because eventually the nostalgia will wear off and you’ll-”

“I’ll what, Daniel?”Armand says sharply.  “Do tell me.”

“You’ll get tired of me.  Realize I’m not the same person anymore.  And you’ll leave.”  Daniel didn’t realize how much he feared it, until he said it out loud.  

“I’m not the one who leaves.”

Daniel winces.  He might deserve that a little.  He did run off quite a bit.  But Armand let him leave, let him stay gone.  If he really loved him, why didn’t he just find him and bring him back?

Armand’s gaze softens and he bends down to gently kiss along Daniel’s throat.  Daniel allows it, sinking down into the mattress. It feels nice; arousal coursing through his entire body.  Fuck, he wants Armand.  

Armand nuzzles that spot right beneath his ear that always gets him hot, before sucking on it.  It feels heavenly.  Armand pulls back to pepper kisses over his throat.  “I love you, my beautiful boy.  I’ll never tire of you.  I’ll never stop wanting you.”

He has such conviction in his voice.  Daniel wants to believe it, but he isn’t sure.  “I’m not beautiful, and I’m not a boy anymore.”

“You’re as lovely to me as the day I set eyes on you,” Armand says, then moves his mouth near Daniel’s ear.  “And you’re my boy, always.”

[just-antithings]

sorry, i need to vent about the porn addiction thing a bit.

while i’m by no means anti-porn, i do think we need to encourage healthy engagement with it (which is honestly skewed towards a heavily anti-porn bias in american society, which is not healthy. you aren’t bad for looking at porn or finding it interesting/entertaining/arousing! and let me tell ya it hurts seeing people with perfectly normal porn habits thinking they’re porn addicts and thus horrible and going to hurt someone inevitably. the current views on porn and sexual content in america at least is unhealthy as all hell, and we have gotta change that.)

but i dated someone who definitely had a porn dependency, if we can use that term. he would bombard me with hentai and other assorted lewd stuff constantly, and got to the point that he wasn’t attracted to me anymore and lied about it or dodged the question. it really sucked. there were many other issues, but he was almost constantly looking at porn, to the point of neglecting everything else in his life, and refused to talk about his problems and called me crazy whenever i tried to express concern (i. e. are you depressed, anxious, do you need to talk, etc). there were a lot more issues than just the excess use of porn, but honestly it’s the easiest one to convey (it’s very difficult to sum up half a decade of abuse the same way as “he didn’t even want me to touch him because of it, and called me crazy when i asked if he was okay”). him making fun of me for all of this and publicly saying i was clearly hypersexual for wanting to be intimate with him is still a sore spot, honestly, and getting mad when i told him we needed to discuss the problem before it got worse still was a matter of huge frustration as well. no matter how i tried to express a concern, he’d deflect pretty hard. we were talking about maybe getting married before i broke things off, and i was ready to drop all of my dreams and wants for the future because he’d convinced me that was the best i could get.

again, i have zero issues with porn itself. so long as it’s all made by consenting adults, cool! hell, i make adult content myself— it’s something i enjoy, and people are willing to pay well for it too. but i feel we need a good term for when it becomes a replacement for other things in life resulting in neglect of those other things. while i agree addiction is the wrong term and has anti-porn roots (and i would also prefer to have a term that doesn’t blame the porn— or blames no one, ideally, as i said we have a highly unhealthy relationship with sex in america) i’m not sure what other terms would be. is dependency too close to addiction and/or still gives an anti-porn vibe?

like anything that brings pleasure to people healthy engagement is important, and that’s different for everyone. i just happened to be with a selfish person who used porn to the point of it detracting from his life and to the point of it killing my self-confidence.

if there’s a simple term for this already that would be rad. but whenever i see these arguments start i can’t help but think of myself and all the others who have had relationships wrecked by their partners preferring porn and masturbation over them. it’s kinda hard not to feel hurt in that scenario. is there a specific term for porn as a vehicle for abuse, maybe? or as a way to avoid being genuine with a partner? i suppose just selfishness, immaturity, and such are all terms to use, but in this scenario specifically i just want a term that isn’t anti-porn that can sum it up.

tl;dr, i’m in favor of porn and lewd content, i just wish there was a better term for people who use it to the point of distress and pain for partners and neglect of their own health, relationships, and spaces than one coined by anti-porn and evangelical groups.

i would love to be wrong on this and have some kind of thing pointed out that it was not in fact an addiction or dependency, it was xyz or abc or what have you. i don’t want to hang onto something like that when it’s not really what went on. it’s entirely possible i missed a ton of cues (god knows i still don’t know all of what he said that was lies and what was truthful) and he just didn’t want to admit to being asexual or something in that vein (if he thought it was a bad thing or something?? hell if i know, toxic masculinity is weird as fuck), but i don’t know anymore what to think. what are your thoughts? you can delete this if you don’t want to discuss it, and i don’t want to start a purity debate or anti-porn debate in your inboxes, either. i’m just… hoping that there’s a way to find nuance, because these kinds of things definitely happen. sorry for dumping all this in here. i just want to understand a bit better if anyone has knowledge i lack.

honestly it took me a long time to decide if i should send this or not, since i don’t want to cause a bunch of bullshit or to be disrespectful to anyone in this discussion. but i figure, too, people who are also in favor of nsfw stuff and against censorship would be best to ask do i don’t get a ton of bullshit about it? again, i apologize if this is all me overreacting or not seeing something obvious. i would love to be able to pinpoint something specific or have a simple way to sum up that aspect of the abuse. if i’m wrong i do politely ask for further reading or information so i can educate myself and learn. thank you for your time and again sorry for the lengthy message!

Porn addiction (as it's used nowadays) is actually a subset of sex addiction, and you have a sex addiction when it... starts causing the problems any addiction in your life causes. It is not the amount you consume - its how consuming it at all affects your life. Like even your ex, it wasn't that he was engaging in porn and liked porn, it's that it caused what sounds like numerous interpersonal problems, which is why it wasn't a healthy engagement.

Because healthy engagement is very subjective? Like I read. A lot of porn. I look at an insane amount of drawn porn because I'm Hella hypersexual and it's Soothing to consume the porn. But the amount of porn I consume isn't negatively impacting my life or relationships. I'm only not in my slut era and having random hookups because of covid and pregnancy risk (don't suggest I just fuck people without dicks that doesn't solve the covid issue yall, also i like dick) but I have like. Real Actual Problems from being hypersexual that looking at porn helps me with.

A lot of people equate porn addiction with the amount consumed. Its not. It's about how it impacts you and your life so tbh? I'd call it CSB (compulsive sexual behavior) and start... looking into resources about helping addicts use safely. Those primarily deal with drug use, but I'm p sure you can find non-ableist resources about how to help the addicts in your life in general. I included the links I looked at while answering this as a starting point. Wikipedia is sourced and the places those pages pulled from might also be helpful.

What happened to you was super fucked up, but tbh based on my knowledge of addiction and even just a little research into CBS makes it sound like he had a real problem he was struggling with and handling badly. But what his issue was goes beyond just. The amount of porn he was looking at. It was how it seemed to have invaded other aspects of his life and had very negative impact.

(one, two, three)

[furiousgoldfish]

I’ve been re-reading this and feeling guilty for writing the way I do - I mostly write from my own perspective, which is an experience of being denigrated into dependence and usefulness, and this person understood perfectly what I meant.

However, this really isn’t the only way parents abuse their kids - not everyone will go for the forced dependence, keeping kids hostage, forbidding survival skills and life skills and trying to keep them from success, there’s a whole other kind of parents who do push their kids into success, sometimes it’s a success a parent wants for them, and sometimes it’s a success of the kid’s own choosing. But it still doesn’t mean it’s a normal and healthy parenting style.

Some abusive parents will want their children to succeed, but not for the sake of the child’s happiness and well being, but for their own social image, and for the validation that they ‘must have been a good parent, if the kid is employed/doing well with studies/in a relationship. Some are following the cultural abuse - the children must be x and y, or else they’re bad kids! So success will be the only allowed way forward, and you will feel like any step that isn’t towards this success, is a mistake and a failure, and will bring on your parent’s wrath.

Sometimes they want you to succeed because they want connections. They want control and influence in the field you’re now having power in. Sometimes, they want you to succeed because they expect you to finance them, to pay back a debt that they never had the right to inflict on you.

The pressure to follow their expectations, to adjust to the cultural norm, or to fulfill their desires for you, is still going to be overwhelming, deter you in finding freedom or happiness, and you will keep existing only in the box in which your parents allow you to exist, bringing use to them, being a social influence for their benefit. These parents will still want you to keep under covers all the pain they’ve caused you, all of the trauma, all of the unfairness, injustice, neglect, abandonment, and disinterest in you as a human being. Just because they allow you success, it doesn’t mean they’ll allow you to be human in front of them.

I’m not writing about this because it’s not my experience, and I don’t feel that I have the right to write how it feels, or the knowledge to analyze in detail how it feels. I hope the people who went thru it can describe and depict it better, and reassure others who are going thru it, that this is not normal, it’s not how life should be, and it’s not what the experience of childhood and family should inflict on your life.

[xadoheandterra]

Ok, have some Alastor and Husk content from this scene I'm working on for Chain On Your Neck.

A few quick notes before the scene itself. Alastor 100% views Husk as a pet cat who just so happens to be able to speak to him in a coherent and understandable manner. He knows Husk was human once, and like everyone else did something to get himself into Hell. He chooses to primarily ignore that Husk was human and view him instead as a cat.

Unless Husk pisses him off. Then he gets treated like a person instead of a beloved pet...but usually that means Alastor being cruel.

Husk essentially has some form of Stockholm Syndrome involved with Alastor, and they are both well aware of it. Honestly the entire thing in this, even being platonic in its nature, is very much not a healthy relationship between them, and they are completely aware. Neither of them gives a shit, really, that they are all sorts of fucked up between the two. They take their comforts where they can.

This scene is also completely in Alastor's viewpoint. When I write stuff I write it from that character's headspace normally, so everything within the scene should be taken with some salt and not as gospel. Each character is, at their core, an unreliable narrator. Alastor sees what Alastor wants to see in regards to Husk's behavior. Husk sees what Husk wants to see in regards to Alastor. So on and so forth. It is also why the tone of this scene might very from the scene before that I shared.

Anyway enjoy the somewhat soft Alastor and his pet cat Husk that this scene ended up being. IDK. Alastor went "QPR!" and Husk got dragged along for the ride.

--

His room was his safe haven, a place were he could dress down and be himself; a place where Alastor could set aside the Radio Demon and, for the moment, relax. The door opened up into the muggy familiar heat of a bayou, the ground beneath his boots murky and wet just past the doorway unless one knew the paths to walk. Alastor knew those paths like the back of his hand, and with a cheerful hum walked them past the endless front space until he vanished into the depths of a cold morning fog. Past the fog lay the real room. The bayou--the sound of the swamp, the crickets, the thick blades of grass the the faint gurgle of the water--was still there, but here it resembled mostly a room and not the swamp. A lavish bed with fitted sheets and a deep, black canopy above it settled against the clearly defined wall. It blocked out the twinkling sky overhead that mimicked the night of home, of the little house he grew up in with mær before all of that city nonsense. Alastor stepped toward the dresser, settled into the wall just away from the bed, and carefully placed his microphone down with one hand while the other eased the bow-tie from around his neck. With nonchalance he scuffed the shoes off his hooves and let them settle into the plush grooves of the carpet. His jacket quickly followed, placed perfectly upon a coat-rack before Alastor stepped around the bed and toward the lounge settled just in place that he could see into the thick wood-scape that shielded his more private quarters. With a relaxed sigh he settled into place, hooves curled up at his side as he snapped a decent two fingers of rye whiskey into place on the small table. His grin was noticeably smaller, here, although still present. He may have 'dressed down' now that he was in a private space, but he could not find himself to be fully rid of the smile unless he was about to head to bed. There was still far too much to do for him to rest now, either way. Another snap of his fingers as Alastor pulled the glass up to take a sip settled a notepad and paper into place. He scribbled down the few vague thoughts he had gathered from his walk through Pentagram City until he had reached the edges of his territory. The city had certainly expanded since he had last walked the streets and pressed near up to the very edge of the circle it resided in where before there had been at least some space between the points of the city and the edge. The streets themselves were also so unfamiliar, and even worse somehow in the seven years of his absence those dilly Overlord’s had lost control of most of the subjects within their own territories! Why, Alastor could easily see places where Vox so pleasingly overstepped and they just let him! Alastor couldn't plan too much without the information Husker would undoubtedly bring him once the feline had gotten himself cleaned up. His gaze tracked up toward the door, which had so far remained close, as he hummed thoughtfully. He hadn't seen Husker in such a sorry and pathetic state in quite some time, although these fits of his pet did seem to come around every now and then. Alastor had to wonder if Husker had spent too much time among the city folk and needed to have his freedoms restricted for a bit--it had happened before, after all. If you let a cat roam too much, why one day they may not come home at all! On the other hand, Alastor had never liked keeping his pets solely indoors, even if it would ultimately be better for them.

The door to the room opened with a soft creak and drew Alastor out of his thoughts. He glanced from his half scribbled notes toward the door where Husker shuffled his way into the swamp, shoulders hunched in thick, nervous energy. Softly Alastor scoffed to himself as he set his drink down and lightly knocked the notebook off of his lap. It landed on the table, the pen casually vanishing into black static as Alastor tilted his head and let his eyes glance over to his lombraj from where it had grown against the wall. He watched, faintly amused, at the way it’s ears flickered down and back as it’s grin turned more into a grimace with the edges still curled into a smile. It shrank itself down, and like a shot darted through the mist and bayou to reach Husker. Husker noticed something, as Alastor expected. His fur stood up on end and he began to glance around quickly, pupils nearly pinpricks they had contracted so much. Alastor let out a pleased chuckle, allowed the sound to reverberate through the area if only to see the way Husker shook. His lombraj curled up and out of Husker’s own shadow, claws out to land gently upon Husker’s shoulders. Husker yelped, and in the next second his form dissipated into the shadows only to reappear in the corner of the couch Alastor had settled himself in, pressed close into all of Alastor’s sharp edges.

“Hello my dear Husker,” Alastor nearly purred. The radio static provided the right edge of a growl to his voice as Alastor reached up and scratched lightly at the base of Husker’s ear. He watched, pleased, how the feline’s lips thinned and his eyes darted right to Alastor’s side. Such amusing, grumpy reactions his pet constantly gave him! Ah, Alastor did so miss dear Husker these past few years. “Did you have to send the stupid shadow, boss?” Husker grumbled, and Alastor could feel the way he trembled faintly against Alastor’s side. To his left his lombraj hissed and leaned forward just the slightest bit into a three dimensional space, just a bit of a threat that had Husker pressed even closer. Alastor bit back the laugh he wanted to let free. “Mm. No,” Alastor decided, and then tugged Husker lightly by the ear until the feline was pressed completely into his side. The soft fur was such a comfort against his claws, and the succulent flesh that coated Husker’s form in a nice, comfortable layer of fat was gentle against all of Alastor’s sharp edges. He could feel his own ears becoming less and less alert as he gently rubbed at Husker’s head. The tenseness in Alastor’s own form eased bit by bit. “I thought you wanted an update on the territory?” Husker grumbled as he settled himself just a bit more against Alastor’s side.

“I do,” Alastor agreed gamely. He directed a tendril of shadow to grab the folder out of Husker’s claws and deposit it into place on the table. Another shadow poured a generous helping of drink for Husker into a second glass. He scraped his claws lightly against Husker’s scalp until he caught the faintest sound of a purr barely covered up by a grumbling half-groan of annoyance. Alastor laughed, soft and light and rubbed the pads of his fingers up one of Husker’s ears. “Go on. Tell me of the territory in my absence.” “Not while yer pettin’--” Husker started, and then shuddered as Alastor dragged his claws down the back of Husker’s skull. “Then be silent and let me have my fill,” Alastor countered lightly. It was the closest he would ever come to admitting that he had missed his darling pet. He missed this soft fur beneath his claws, the subtle purring that Husker hated, or the press of Husker’s fat covered form against his side, soft in all the places were Alastor was hard. For several long minutes Alastor kept Husker there and based in the comforting warmth the other sinner gave off. At some point he twitched his fingers and the radio began to play soft jazzy tunes as Alastor felt himself sink more fully into the couch. Husker leaned further and further into Alastor’s side and nearly tumbled right into Alastor’s lap from the gentle stroking and petting. The only other noise to accompany them had been the faint burble and gurgle of the swamp in the distance. It was peaceful. It was comforting.

Alastor pulled away once he had his fill, and Husker flopped over in a half-asleep state that the radio demon had left him in. For Alastor he merely stood and stretched his limbs, let the bones creak and pop out of their relaxed state. He picked up the folder Husker brought him, and then his glass of whiskey, and with a faint hum began to flick through the pages and papers bemusedly. Husker resettled himself on the couch now that Alastor wasn’t there to hold him tightly into place. His paws reached out greedily for the drink Alastor had poured him and quickly swallowed a mouthful, face set into a perpetual frown that Alastor had always found so amusing. With the alcohol in hand, and Alastor now out of Husker’s reach, the other demon settled out into the couch in a languid, feline fashion. “Alright, boss, now do you want that update?” Husker asked as his tail flicked near agitatedly beside him. “Mm, what have the twins been up to?” Alastor questioned as he flicked through the pages. “Keeping you relevant,” Husker grumbled as he took another sip of his drink. “They’ve been going through your recorded broadcasts and sending ‘em out every few days or so. On top of runnin’ the re-broadcasts from the news.” Alastor hummed. It was good to know there had been some quality radio while he had been away. He’d hate for the ether to be completely bereft of his influence or presence. The recorded broadcasts had been a just-in-case; Alastor did not want his shows to become another clambake just because he hadn’t been there. He felt a bit of the tension ease from his shoulders with that news. “And the Overlord’s?” “Think yer dead,” Husker grunted. “Most of ‘em. Or hiding. Or doing who knows what.” Alastor’s ears went back and his smile thinned. “Swell.”

[laceymorganwrites]

Post war: dating hcs

Uh this got a bit out of hand so I´m putting it under a cut. (characters are Jean, Levi and Reiner)

Jean:

You said you loved me but you threw me out in the garbage 

Now I´m starting to stink but everybody says I´m flawless

it´s fair to say that his dating life had changed the most drastically 

he used to be a hopeless romantic that was known for falling too fast and never having any luck with it

he had his head in the clouds and great aspirations

needless to say everything changed after the war

in a sense he got everything he always wanted

he was celebrated as a hero, he was one of the people who saved the world

and yet he didn´t take any pride in that

if it was four years ago he would´ve but he had changed a lot, like all of them did

it was all so shallow at this point

he could get everyone he wanted to but it didn´t mean anything

it all became worthless to him

no matter what a mess he becomes after the war everyone still looks at him like he´s the best

he has a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms and his life is horrible, he hasn´t slept well in over three years now

he doesn´t take care of himself, has distanced himself from all his friends and is just miserable overall

he is so annoyed by everyone who is coming onto him in hopes to get lucky

just so they can say they fucked one of the heroes who saved the world

because he wants to drive off those people his situation gets worse and worse, he purposefully gets lost in the misery and lashes out at anybody and anything

he doesn´t even want to date anyone anymore, romance is dead in his eyes

relationships are meaningless to him

but then he´s invited to Connie´s wedding and has to pull himself together

his friends haven´t forgotten about him, they didn´t even judge him, they were just concerned

they were the wake up call he needed

he cleaned himself up and showed up, he had a great time at the wedding, reuniting with everyone 

and he also got to meet you

you were a friend Connie met after the war and were excited to meet his other friends

of course you heard a lot about them but you didn´t really care about any of it, to you being a war hero wasn´t something to boast about

you knew yourself how horrible war was and never would think about believing anything about the honor bullshit

it was a badge of luck, luck that came with survivor guilt and the inability to live a normal life

you promised yourself to just talk to them normally but Jean immediately peeked your interest

he was just too handsome not to notice him

which is why you were surprised that nobody made any moves on him

he didn´t seem like a bad guy so you were even more curious now

Connie introduced the two of you and you two bonded over sharing embarrassing stories about him

at the end of the wedding you ask Jean to stay in contact, asking him to hang out more since he was a fun guy

and Jean agreed because that´s the first time someone has ever said that to him and actually meant it without any hidden intentions

casual and friendly hangouts turn into dates at a healthy pace, enabling him to finally enjoy and live in the moment

he still finds it strange how just one person could change his perspective 

he´s way too lucky since he gets to have the perfect relationship he´s always dreamt about with you

Levi:

Control me I don't own myself Just a product of your design

much like Jean his reputation precedes him

to him it isn´t anything new however

people always looked at him as a weapon and used him accordingly 

he fit in perfectly in this world and earned his respect and status

his view on dating didn´t change after the war

even before he never cared for any of that

Levi did date a few people when he was still living in the underground but he always got bored of them

then he dedicated his whole life to the survey corps and nothing else had space anymore

it was an empty and fulfilling life at the same time and because he didn´t know inner peace to begin with he didn´t have any regrets after the war

but because all of his closest friends are dead there still is this emptiness inside of him

it´s the worst when he´s in company of strangers who don´t know him but act like they do because he´s a war hero

Levi absolutely hates that term, fighting´s all he was ever good at and for and that´s why he despises it

especially after finding out about the truth he feels utterly lost

and now there´s no one there to guide him anymore

he´s always been lonely but it´s been a long time since he´s been utterly alone

he hates the pitying stares he gets because of his injuries, it´s humiliating to have to rely on others for daily chores 

ever since Gabi and Falco returned to their families and were finally able to live a normal life he´s been the nightmare of many nurses and hospital staff

not a lot of people can put up with him and his quirks

you´re the only one he tolerates at first

you don´t complain, you don´t ask stupid questions, you keep things clean and most importantly you neither pity nor glorify him

you´re just there to help when he needs it and he really does appreciate it 

over time he finds out that you´re very close with Gabi and Falco as you used to babysit them 

they were the ones who got Levi to the hospital when they found him

at first you were wary of him after everything they told you but he wasn´t arrogant as you would expect from humanity´s strongest soldier

before you there was just one broken man

and a part of you was relieved, if he was just some guy you could do your job

there were so many war veterans that made you want to quit with the way they acted and behaved but he wasn´t like that at all

in fact sometimes you wished he would speak more, you would like to get to know him

after his wounds have healed and he´s discharged he´s just wandering around town aimlessly

he doesn´t know where to go, he doesn´t really want to go back to Paradis, he doesn´t have anyone or anything left anyway

but he doesn´t belong here either

or so he thought

Gabi and Falco ask you if he can stay with you until he finds a job and his own place and you agree, taking pity in him

you could only imagine how hard it must be for him to resume with life after everything that happened

still, you didn´t think that Levi would get back into things so quickly

he tries to do everything on his own just the way he did before but obviously he can´t and that frustrates him

he absolutely hates it when you help him

but slowly he learns that it´s okay to rely on people again, that they won´t disappear this time, that yes, even after the war, he has the right to build a life for himself again

actually it is the first time he is allowed to be selfish 

Levi takes a long time to even fathom the idea of a romantic relationship, the feelings he experienced in his life have exceeded those of love by far and so he is a bit unsure on how to deal with your confession

because of course you would fall in love with him, maybe it was your savior complex or the way you saw life return to his tired and sad eyes, the way he would crack a smile and joke here or there, it was inevitable 

you didn´t like waiting around so you took your chance and just told him straight up you had feelings for him

Levi didn´t understand (and still doesn´t, but he appreciates it now) how that is even possible but he listens to you and is touched by your words

your confession does mean a lot to him and he doesn´t turn you down right away, however he does ask you to wait a little longer for his answer because you´ve become important to him and he needs to be sure he can give you what you´re looking for

it´s not even about his body at this point, he´s not ashamed anymore, it´s just that he´s so scared of being emotionally unavailable that he cna barely breathe

hell, he has to ask Jean out of all people for advice, but he did get a fiancee somehow so he thinks he could make an exception

it´s only when he sees how happy Jean is with his partner and how happy they both are for Levi that he himself realizes that the way Jean looks at his fiancee is the way you look at him

and that knowledge hits him hard, he feels his heart burst out of his chest

he....could have that too? this happiness? and it could be with you? the person who somehow raked their way so deep inside his heart he didn´t even notice it? the person he trusted the most? the person who knew him better than anyone else ever could?

he does agree to date you naturally but does warn you that he needs time to adjust to expressing his feelings, to letting them in in the first place

you´re over the moon and just seeing your reaction assures him that he made the right choice, he himself can´t help but grin and extend his hand to you

naturally you go to Jean´s wedding together and are bombarded with questions after the reception

Levi tries to be annoyed but even he can´t suppress the little smile that forms on his lips

Reiner:

I´d like to find my old self again but I´m still trying to find it

dating is literally the last thing on his mind after the war

he never has dated before and doesn´t plan to now either

realizing your whole life has been a while, you were responsible for hundreds and thousands of deaths and destruction and didn´t even know who you were fighting for

Reiner just feels utterly lost in life now that everything´s over

and he doesn´t even have a place to call home

he´s glad to be able to see Gabi and Falco at least, he wants to make sure they have a good life and a good remainder of their childhood

hell, he didn´t even know if he had any more years left to live but apparently the curse is broken now

a part of him is sad about it because in those years of uncertainty he was hoping for it to end, maybe a part of him would be redeemed that way

his friends have stayed with him throughout everything though and he still doesn´t understand why

they all have their own family and he doesn´t know how to react to their attention

now that everything´s over he feels even more than he did back then, actually he thinks about whether there was a time in his life where he was happy at all or if he would ever be happy again

his friends tell him it´s alright and that he will find his place, that they´re there for him at all times

to get back into things they help him find a good schedule and plan hang outs with everyone

Annie goes running with him, Levi out of all people helps him find a job

he takes Reiner with him for his monthly check up, he´s very close to being able to walk with just crutches now 

there Reiner meets his S/O as well who then introduces him to their colleagues while they´re doing the check up

you´re among them and he finds it surprisingly easy to talk to you

so much so that he talks to you about how scary he finds it how easy the people seem to have forgotten about his and his friends´ past crimes and forgave them so easily

´forgiving others is easy, forgiving yourself is the hard part. it´s no use getting stuck on the past when you´ve got so much longer to live´ you tell him 

somehow your words strike a cord within him and he does his best to actually forgive himself, it´s hard because he doesn´t want to, he doesn´t see a man in the mirror but a monster 

still, he tries and he slowly gets back into working

funnily enough he starts working at your parents´ shop so you see him more often now

your parents even invite him over for dinner once a week now which makes it hard for you

you know that Reiner needs time to work on himself before even thinking about dating but you find it so easy to fall for him

and your parents aren´t exactly subtle about it either, always pestering Reiner with questions if he had anyone special in his life and how long you have been single now

actually it´s in this conversation both of you realize that you´ve been holding yourselves back with stupid excuses

you work too much and Reiner is just a mess

but you realize that both of these things don´t stop a relationship from forming, after all in a good and functioning relationship you support each other, lift each other up 

´I´m flattered but I don´t think I´m good enough for you, you´re gonna get tired of me...and it won´t take long´ are his words when you tell him you want to give it a try

you take his fear away a bit by saying you´re just dating and that you´re just trying it for now, that he can always leave if it´s too much

and when after a year he doesn´t you make it official

it´s new to Reiner but he´s so happy to have you by his side because with you he finally found someone he can cry to and feel safe 

at the same time he is beyond proud of himself that he manages to take care of himself now, he can feel himself getting better slowly, day by day

to a point where he can open his own shop and work there, helping around town 

it´s certainly a nicer feeling to be depended on and needed in building things up rather than destroying them

and having you support him with everything, showing him the love he´s been missing his whole life, for the first time he´s genuinely happy

the relationship you have is something so precious and intimate to him he goes above and beyond to make sure you feel the same way

sometimes you have to slow him down and assure him you won´t leave him

definitely the type of guy to build a family with, he´s here to stay

Songs used as inspo: 

Flawless - Dorothy

Perfect Blue - softcult

All Too Well (Taylor´s Version) - Taylor Swift

[anomalouspest]

I am so absolutely sick of the narrative that life with a disability is just “different” in a completely neutral way and that the struggles that come with being disabled, no matter what they are or how severe, are inherently not that big of a deal.

I am painfully aware every minute of every day of every way in which my limitations and abnormalities negatively impact my life. I wish every day that I had the luxury of being unaffected by them. And it is perfectly healthy, okay, and within reason for me to feel this way, because it is perfectly healthy, okay, and within reason for people to wish to be able to live their lives how they want, and to have a similar experience with life to their peers. The idea that no disabled person wants to be non-disabled or that disabled people who want to be non-disabled just have the “wrong attitude” is profoundly dehumanizing. If I asked you if you would be happy with being unable to get a degree or work or make friends or form romantic relationships or live independently, would you say yes? The idea that people like me must or should be okay with such circumstances, because we must or should have fundamentally different standards for happiness than everyone else, is predicated on the assumption that we are in some way less than human.

And then there is the issue of silencing disabled voices who do not support this narrative. The people who say, “I’ve been in a wheelchair for five years, and it’s been the worst five years of my life,” or “my incurable chronic pain is severe enough that I no longer wish to live with it,” are not only not given attention, but are actively dismissed. They are, as I said, accused of simply having the “wrong outlook on life,” because of this damaging, incessant fixation on diminishing the negative and presenting disability in a positive light at all times. But their feelings of pain and upset are just as legitimate and significant as any other disabled person’s feelings of joy or contentment. And it should not be a controversial statement to say that sometimes despair, anger, and/or a desire for things to be different are appropriate and normal ways to respond to unfortunate circumstances.

And when care options like MAID are denounced as “evil” and “eugenics” and fought against by non-disabled people in the name of people with disabilities, the voices of disabled people who have themselves fought, sometimes for decades, for the right to such options are cast aside and spoken over. Yes, many people who seek medically assisted death would not seek it were they receiving excellent care in a society that was willing to properly accommodate their needs, but we are not talking about some hypothetical alternate dimension versions of people, we are talking about people alive right now who will never live under such circumstances, and what rights they should have regarding their own lives. We can work towards a future where people with disabilities are given better access to care and are more comprehensively supported by their governments and communities while also acknowledging the reality and wishes of the people who have to exist in between that future and now. And regardless, no matter how bothered you may be by this fact, there are some disabled people who would wish to have the option of MAID even if they were given all of the support, care, and accommodation in the world, and their voices matter, too.

Disabled people are not emotionally deficient animals who are too ignorant of their circumstances or too simple minded to be capable of longing for anything better, their feelings matter even when those feelings make non-disabled people uncomfortable, and there is no disabled person's perspective on their own life and experiences that is "incorrect" or that is not deserving of consideration.

[bojackandherb]

With Crackerjack being alive and coming back after the lobotomy happened, how would the relationship with his little sister go? Does she hate him? Do they still get along? Would he be able to change how Beatrice handles her diet? Where would he be if Beatrice still goes with Butterscoth?

I had a whole big long answer to this but tumblr ate it (-_-)

So basically, what happens is, Crackerjack tries to stay with his family even after learning about the everything that happened with his mother. But it becomes too painful being around his parents, and even tho he loves his baby sister and wants to be there for her, he knows he just can’t stay there anymore. So he leaves, and ends up traveling around the country.

Beatrice doesn’t blame him for anything about what happened to their mother, but she resents him for leaving her again with only her lobotomized mother and the man who lobotomized her for company.

Crackerjack tries to write and call her, but it’s not the same. He does visit, but his visits are few and far between, and it’s not enough for her.

Still, even as the resentment grows, she loves her big brother.

If she ever brought up her insecurity with her weight to him, Crackerjack would say stuff like “you’re perfectly normal and healthy!” “You’re pretty and adorable, who cares what everyone else says!” But it’s not enough to counteract what everyone else in her life is saying. So unfortunately she still takes “pretty pills” and has a restricted diet and all that. Crackerjack does take her out to get ice cream on one of his visits so at least there’s that.

Beatrice still ends up going with Butterscotch. If she didn’t, Bojack wouldn’t exist lol.

Anyway, sorry if I didn’t cover everything, feel free to ask more! :)

[putschki1969]

Hi Sarah ☺️👋,

I apologize from the beginning in case you did not understand my meaning, the question was written through Google Translator.

Should we really not care about what goes on behind the scenes in the entertainment industry? I remember that you wrote that We have to take it at face value and not dig into what is happening behind the scenes in order to live a healthy life without carrying this worry, but after watching the oshi no ko anime, this made me think again about the state of the entertainment industry, do we really have to be indifferent to what is happening to our favorite artists not only our kalafina girls but in general. Shouldn't we, at least discuss this matter so that their conditions do not get worse? I feel we should not separate the product from the condition of the person who made it!

Hi there! Don't worry, your message is perfectly clear and fine. I apologise for taking so long to reply, this has been sitting in my drafts forever. This is a tricky topic so it took a while to figure out the best way to map out my reply.

I am assuming that this ask is a direct response to what I wrote HERE? For those who are curious, this is what I had to say to someone who seemed incredibly upset about the current state of Wakana's "relationship" with everyone else from the YK family.

[I]t is not at all healthy to be this invested in public figures and the things they choose to share with us. I fully understand the desire to get more insight but please don’t make your happiness and peace of mind contingent on something that is so completely out of our control.

Let's start with a quick clarification, I am by no means implying that we should take everything at face value. Quite the contrary actually, I am a strong proponent of critical thinking, it's crucial to look at things from a nuanced perspective, to read between the lines and educate ourselves on all the finer details before making any sort of assumption based on surface-level observations. Many fans operate on misconceptions and tend to jump to conclusions because they heavily rely on unverified news and brief snapshots without taking all the available facts into account. This is why I often feel the need to make elaborate explanation posts. I just want to keep people grounded and stop them from coming up with unfounded theories.

I am also not trying to tell people to be completely indifferent towards what is happening behind the scenes of the entertainment industry. The Japanese entertainment industry is indeed very harsh and genuinely messed up. It's impossible to not feel affected when you hear news of celebrity su!c!des and see some of those horrible conditions our favourites are subjected to. Being conscious of these issues while engaging in fan activities is a good thing and completely normal but it's very unhealthy to let your whole life become consumed with worry over someone whose mental/physical state and situation we are incapable of fully understanding.

Because you see, even with access to a vast amount of knowledge, we as fans have to realise that we'll never get the "full picture". The extent of our involvement is incredibly limited. There are boundaries we have to respect, there are lines we aren't allowed to cross, there are things which are purposefully kept from us. The truth of the matter is that regardless of how deep we try to dig into what is going on behind the scenes, regardless of how much we discuss the situation or how many possible theories we come up with while endlessly worrying, it won't ever lead us to satisfactory results, it won't bring us any closer to knowing more about the "real" condition of the people we idolise. So why should we sacrifice our mental well-being over something that's so far removed from us? It's utterly pointless. Hence my above advice to not get too caught up in this mess.

I am not sure if you are familiar with the term but when fans get overly invested in the lives of idols, celebrities and public figures, it's a slippery slope towards developing a so-called parasocial relationship with them. This sort of relationship is based on delusions, meaning fans fool themselves into believing they have a deep connection to that person (or rather, the "idea" of said person) which may lead to a false sense of intimacy and ownership. But make no mistake, despite what fans may think, we have very little insight into the lives of these public figures and while they have a considerable amount of influence over us, we have comparatively little influence over them. In reality, most things are completely out of our control. We often have no choice but to watch things unfold from the sidelines.

My point is, take everything with a grain of salt, thoroughly acquaint yourself with the topic, stay respectful, be aware of your limits and come to terms with the fact that you are not really in a position to save or help them when it comes to personal matters. Don't compromise your own well-being by getting entangled in a mess that's beyond our control. It sounds harsh but as fans we are quite powerless in that regard. All we can really do is support and appreciate the content (or "product" as you say) our favourites create and have faith that their "real condition" at least somehow resembles the positive image they choose to present to us.

And yeah, I am self-aware enough to know that this all sounds hypocritical coming from someone like me who has always been quite vocal about being crazily obsessed with Kalafina. I'd call myself an extremely dedicated fan who is very much invested in the lives of the Kalafina members. Still, I believe I know where to draw the line and that has more or less kept me sane throughout the years.

[girl4music]

@gh-0-stcup @oveliagirlhaditright They never really knew each other, sure but the bigger problem was that they never allowed for each other actually what they wanted - or thought they wanted - so that they could get to know each other - because they’re both self-masochistic, self-focused and self-involved deeply traumatised people.

In the end - the real reason why they don’t work is because they keep getting in each other’s way rather than face the obstacles together and grow with and within each other. It’s not a relationship. It’s beating a dead horse. And only because each other says it is.

These characters are much better and well-rounded people individually. Together, they’re just an unhealthy mess. Relationships are about growth and beating the odds because they want to be with each other. Not for finding excuses to not to. And they’re both guilty of it in different ways. It’s just with ‘IWRY’, it’s only Angel because only Angel knows about it. Could they have had a life together with them both being human? Yeah, of course. If he actually allowed it. His nature either mortal or not wasn’t the problem. His mentality was. Which to be perfectly honest was the real problem all along. He just keeps backing out and rejecting what they could have together for what he thinks might happen and likely would happen regardless whether they’re together or not. Utter madness this man is and how his mind works no matter whether he is human or vampire or demon. In some ways you could say Angelus is the better side of him because at least Angelus knows what he wants and through his selfishness, just goes for it regardless of the risks and consequences and the pain he causes. Of course that’s not healthy either for reasons obvious… but I’m just saying: Angelus, at least from what I’ve seen, doesn’t self-sabotage his own goals.

It’s the same reason he didn’t want to wear the gem of amara and destroyed it instead. He wants to EARN his redemption at the cost of making both himself and everyone else miserable in his every day waking life.

He is a self-masochist and he doesn’t want to admit to it. It’s in line with what Spike tells Buffy in ‘Normal Again’. “I hope you don’t think that anti-dote is going to rid you of that nasty martyrdom. See, I’ve figured it out, love. You can’t help yourself. You’re not drawn to the dark like I thought. You’re addicted to the misery. It’s why you won’t tell your pals about us. Might actually have to be happy if you did. Then they’d understand and help you, god forbid. Or drive you out. Make you finally be at peace in the dark. With me. Either way, you’ll be better off for it but you’re too twisted for that. Let yourself live already and stop with the bloody hero-trip for a sec. We’d all be the better for it. You better tell your friends about us or I will.”

See Spike has his own selfish interests for telling Buffy this but on the grander scale, he is right about her. Both Buffy and Angel have the exact same problem. And they could work out this problem together… if they tried. If they put in the effort. But they don’t. So yeah, the problem is that they don’t know each other but the larger problem is that they don’t really want to. They want to keep to the fantasy where it’s safer and sacred but unattainable and just causes tragedy. Because if they actually got to be a real couple for once, the mystery of “what if?” is no longer relevant. In this episode, this is just Angel’s problem which is why it’s even more frustrating. But for the most part… it’s both of their problem. They don’t want to allow it.

I have written another piece of meta on who is best for Buffy Summers to be with and I gave my own opinion that no one would be because she’s a self-masochist.

[veronicathegoddess]

someone pointed out to me on friday that the way i talk about my relationship with food is unhealthy and they're worried about me and think i may have an ed. and i don't think that it really struck me until then how fucked up my relationship with food has gotten in the past few months.

i had an ed in the past that i overcame in late 2019/early 2020 and it was so freeing. during the first 8-10 or so months of the pandemic, my relationship with food was amazing. i ate whenever i felt hungry, i ate food and didn't worry about calories, i had a stint where i went vegan which was fun. it was really good until pretty much everyone i knew started pointing out that i'd put on weight and commenting on how much food i was eating.

i tried my best to ignore it and kept trying to keep my relationship with food healthy but subconsciously i was slipping back into that place where i was obsessed with weight and dieting and i think this year, i started going back to my unhealthy eating habits without even noticing. and it became my normal again. the obsession with staying thin and being a size 4 and looking perfect came back and i kept normalizing it in my head.

and then, i went on campus and i walk a lot and i started losing even more weight and it fueled the desire of mine to just keep losing and keep starving myself so i can stay thin. my friends on campus have realized that i don't eat a lot, if at all, and they try to make sure that i eat everyday which i appreciate. but most days, i don't eat more than one meal and then starve for anywhere between 12-18 hours on average and a day if i can get away with it. and i think that i recognized at some point that it was unhealthy but i kept justifying it in my head.

kept telling myself that it's perfectly fine to feel disgusted when i eat more than once. to feel this need to starve so i stay thin and don't have to worry about what i look like. and i really didn't snap out of it until friday when it was pointed out to me. and this weekend, i think i ate the most that i have in months and i feel so disgusted looking at myself in the mirror. i pinch my skin and feel horrified with what's there.

and i have an outfit i plan to wear today and i literally thought to myself that i can't eat all day or else my stomach will show and i won't look good and that i'd just lie if my friends ask if i ate. i'm scared of how bad it'll get but i don't think i'm at a place right now where i want to get help or where getting help would actually help. and i'm scared.

[the1975attheirverybest]

tw tw tw - food especially

they (my mum’s sisters and their husbands) keep talking about my weight, body, eating habits like I’m not even there. we just had lunch some time ago and I ate the amount i usually eat which I feel is a perfectly normal amount but of course one of my uncles had to comment how his 13 year old eats more than me.

like fuck off and fuck you, she does because she wants to and I don’t because I don’t want to.

I hate being here so much and I still have 24 hours left. I’m so sorry to vent in your asks but god I wish I was home with my cat instead. I work so hard to not have a bad relationship with food and with my body and I just feel like all of that is undone in a day. just like that

I’m so so sorry, babe 💗💗 and, hey, listen, you never have to apologize for venting on here. I totallyyyyy get it. As y’all know, my family is originally middle eastern. So they still bring that toxic food/ body image = worth energy all the time. Not that western culture is THAT much better at it, lol.

But, yeah, I deal with that any time I have to see family as well. Even worse now that I’m older because my mother thinks that because SHE has managed to get her body to look a certain way, everyone else should do it too. And it’s so frustrating. Like what if we’re happy with the way things are???? As long as someone’s healthy, I don’t see why we should comment on their body or advise them about their eating habits. That shit is so personal too and involves a lot more than simply eating/not eating enough. I wish people would just fuck the hell off. I know they do it out of “love” or whatever, but still doesn’t make it okay.

You’re alright, though. I think you have the exact right idea. It’s your body, you’re old enough to make these informed choices by yourself, it’s nobody else’s business. They may not see it that way, but that’s their issue not yours. Just try and tune them out. Don’t let the comments and comparisons get to you. In 24 hours you’ll be back to your life and routine and doing things the way you want to do them. Right now is about co-existing as peacefully as possible. 💕💕

ALSO IM YOU HAVE A CAT WHATS THEIR NAME AND HOW OLD I NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS BABY IMMEDIATELY!!!