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endst0ne · 2 years ago

Text

in addition...

hi girlies. obligatory "not an avid tumblr user" and "crappy grammar/formatting ahead". i'm here to add onto two very important posts about user cheebs (chibidashie on this website). i'm very briefly mentioned in a post made by cheebs as well as in mick (link) and dapp's (link) statements, so I'd like to give a glimpse of my experience with cheebs as well, especially regarding the vile accusations made towards me in her rant.

i would highly suggest reading the previous two statements first. mick and dapp have gotten the brunt of cheeb's vicious behavior, and deserve to be heard. my statement is here to give my experiences, clear my name, and support the words of my partner, who kindly defended me in his own statement.

tw: grooming mention(s)

my name is fox, referred to as "f", or as mick's partner. i will state that i did not know cheebs very well. she seems to present us as friends, when in reality, we were distant acquaintances at best. most of our interactions were short, either in brief chats about common interests or with my responses to her vents (which is important, and not something i will show here.)

sometime in late june of 2022, i took a glance back into an older server of mine. i hadn't been active in this server in over a year, and it was muted. i was completely unaware of cheeb's actions, of anything that had occured or been occurring between my partner and cheebs, so suddenly seeing message after message about "what a horrible person mick was" came as a complete shock. i do not have screenshots of a majority of these messages, as i noticed a common thread of her believing to be watched or stalked, and did not want to feed into it, even if she wasn't aware of my presence. however, a majority of them followed along the lines of mick "hating her oc", "hating her age regression", and "abandoning her like pink spinel was abandoned by white diamond."

the only screenshot i have is the one that would eventually push me to make a statement about my discomforts with her actions.i believe this speaks for itself.

i watched these comments slowly fill her channel for about a week, until i mustered up the balls to speak to my partner about it. he was… disappointed. to say the least. however, he showed me the proof he's shown you all in his document. i was floored that cheebs, someone who had been so sweet and silly, could say things like this, could lie like this. yet, it continued.

roughly a month after finding out, she would have a major breaking point, where she proceeded to tear into mick (behind his back, of course), about abandoning him. i will not show screenshots of this, as this is extremely personal to her. however, this is where i made my appearance, and where my section in her rant begins.

"snakes" (i will include all quotes in "this format")

cheebs begins this section by explaining what i explained above; the server was inactive and she used it as her ranting space, until i came in.

"However, I did not realize that the inactive people on there were actually snakes as well, when one day, P’s s/o, F (which i mentioned earlier) had suddenly became active, telling me to stop “shit-talking about P”."

i will admit my reappearance was sudden, as i had been lurking for a month at that point. however, this was sparked by her rant. i saw other server members attempting to calm her down, with her angrily telling them that this was her coping mechanism. i was incredibly upset, but worded myself as nicely as i could. i do not have screenshots of this message, but essentially told her that this behavior was unacceptable and incredibly difficult to witness. in response, she spoke to me as if i had never known her. she said that this reaction was because of her ptsd (which i will neither confirm nor deny; i am not any sort of mental health professional), and that this is how she copes. i can understand venting and ranting to get out emotion. but screaming in someone's personal channel, claiming how they abandoned you when they simply established new boundaries is Not It.

she also proceeded to tell me that she age regresses to cope, which "people seem to hate" (paraphrasing). this confused me. if we're such good friends, how did she not remember that i knew about her regression? that i never minded it? why would she talk down to me about a piece of information i already knew? i mentioned before that i would respond to her vents, and that many of our interactions were in vent chats. many of these vents occurred while she was regressed, and yet i still responded. if i had really hated her regression, why would i have done that, or shown her that kindness? these questions remain unanswered.

"I of course asked “who told you about this?” as this was quite telling that F was being a snake and someone was feeding them intel. F played stupid and said something about how nobody told them and was “only checking up on the server”. it was very, very suspicious to say the least."

I was never fed intel. ever. i came back to the server of my own volition, and out of complete chance noticed everything she was saying. a snake in the grass needs to know what it's striking at to be lethal, to be a danger. and yet i wasn't anything close to that.

rereading this part of her statement, even now, forms a pit in my stomach. i am not unused to being called stupid, to being seen as a liar. but to receive this treatment, these words from someone i barely know is a fucking insult. how dare you assume my character when you do not know me.

"Sometime later, F had posted a long rant saying that P “only wanted to move on” and basically mock me, telling me how I used P as a safe space (implying that safe spaces are a bad thing in general, which surprise! is actually an alt-right ideal!)."

The rant in question is this (mick is referred to as gil in this piece);

this rant was posted very early in the morning, before i left the server for good. i had no intention of sticking around to hear the response, i was done. however, i was later shown her responses to my statement.

(the censored section in the channel name is a past name / deadname)

in her response, she accuses me of not knowing about her struggles with a therapist. this is somewhat correct; i was aware that she was in the market for a new therapist, but not the issues she had with her therapist at the time. my point still stands; this should have been taken offline.

she also accuses me of ableism for "infantilizing her", as i restated mick's message of him "outgrowing" her / their friendship. this has nothing to do with her age, her autism, her age regression, none of it. you can outgrow something or someone at any age, it doesn't make the other thing "for babies" or the other person "a baby". you're simply moving on in life, finding new paths and new friends with them. people grow up and move on all the time; why is it such an issue when someone does it to cheebs?

she also briefly mentions how "mick wasn't my safe space", a statement she later uses against me. while she may not have considered mick himself her safe space, she absolutely considered their friendship one. keep in mind that he was her shoulder to lean on for four years. mick words this sentiment beautifully in his own statement: "F did not say that safe-spaces are a bad thing. F said that using someone four years younger than you as a receptacle for your problems is a bad thing." this was… exactly my point. as for me "repeating an alt right ideal"… can someone kindly point out where i said "safe spaces are bad and evil go fuck yourself", please?

"i thought were we friends!!" we weren't. i don't know you, dude.

"everything in here feels so manipulative and gaslighty", "…and basically mock me…" yet another blow. yet another chance to call me a liar and paint me as the evil villian in your sob story. all for attempting to explain my genuine feelings.

overall, my "rant", a message used to voice my genuine discomfort with the way cheebs was speaking out my partner, was used against me. the only thing she paid attention to were the last 3 sentences, the most "controversial" of the bunch, instead of the entire first few paragraphs where i explain myself and even emphasize with her struggles. rather than now being the "concerned boyfriend trying to voice his discomfort", i was now the "evil alt-right snake".

"The thing that made me so mad about F, however, is them weaponizing therapy, telling me to “deal with this with a professional”. I realized all this time later that if I did actually tell a therapist, they would ask me if I communicated with them about this whole mess (I did!) but only got silence in return."

telling someone they need help is not, and never will be, a "weaponization of therapy". cheebs is very clearly someone who needs professional help to properly deal with the emotions she's been going through. this was evident from her messages then, and it still evident from her consistent vents and vagues about all of us today. honestly, knowing now that she lied about her "communication" about her issues with the others involved makes this a bit… pathetic? you're lying about whether or not a therapist would help you, for christs sake.

"F had also treated me like an animal also saying “go to my dms and attack me there lol”. F had left P’s abandoned server right after. i immediately blocked F in case of them harassing me."

this is just common courtesy. if she wanted a private conversation i was willing to hear her out, maybe see if she'd explain everything. not to mention i never said "attack me", i said "scream at me or just chat." pretty big difference, at least to me. but no. in the end, rather than i treating her as an animal, she treated me like one; blocking me when i'd shown zero indication of wanting to continue this fight, treating me like the vicious snake she'd claim i was later on. i will say that i had a much angrier statement prepared for you, cheebs. i could have been a wholeeeee lot meaner. but i wasn't, because i recognized that you were in a fragile state. and yet, you still bit the hand that offered you grace.

other issues

i am also briefly mentioned in this statement; "Meanwhile on P's server, P had abandoned the server but was still present, as did their s/o (we will call F) and one of their friends. Even still on P's server, it still felt like I never existed. F and someone we'll call Dream (not the shitty minecraft guy) would always talk to each other, and I would join in too, but was basically ignored. One day, I asked why I would always be left out to F and Dream. Dream gave me an answer: "we just want our own space". This confused me because if I was on P's server and F and Dream wanted their own space, does this imply that I was no longer welcomed as a friend? I had a burning rage that was building up over time due to the fact that I was being mistreated and had enough, so I made my own server where I have my friends vibe all equally."

this supposedly takes place on mick's second server (the now-deleted one), where dream and i bonded and became very close friends. to be completely honest; i do not remember this happening. cheebs herself was not very active in this server, and was typically only active in the vent channels or her own personal channel. there are very few occasions where i really remember us speaking, and even then, those occasions were simply 1-2 messages at a time. our interactions were extremely limited because we didn't share many interests, and because i myself was shy and nervous around people i didn't regularly speak to. this on it's own isn't a bad thing, but she twists it to be that way.

considering her claims of me "weaponizing therapy against her", i believe that this was aimed (at least partially), towards me. and.. well, she's right! i've never been to therapy, because i do not have the resources, nor the emotional stability, nor the parental support for it. however, i know good and well that no therapist would ever give you "lying about your former moots" as a coping mechanism. no therapist would have you do any of the things you've done and said to us as a "coping mechanism".

additionally, i want to touch on this, specifically the last sentence. "I remembered the time P had said when I was being excluded a lot on how “exclusion is necessary for the comfort of others”, yet I did not know why I was being excluded. did they see me as a shadow of my racist, conservative mom? the fact that i have been actively fighting off the harmful things my mom had attempted to ingrain me for a very long time? unlearning these harmful things takes a very long time. it felt as if P compared me to a nazi, the very same people who sent my babcia to a camp in Poland, forced my dziadek to be a soldier for my people's oppressors (at the time) against his own will, and generational trauma from the horrors of the holocaust that are still felt in the family."

like the others who've commented on this before me, this sentence made my jaw stop, drop, and roll away. i can genuinely think of no other reason to include this rather than to throw a pity party for your family's trauma. i can throw that party too; i am also polish. my great-grandparents and grandparents faced the horrors of war and its aftermaths, my parents faced the horrors of the soviet union, and now i carry the burden of their struggles, their lessons, and their unaccomplished goals. nevertheless, i live my own life. you do too. and we both know that generational trauma has no leg to stand on in this situation. it has no influence here, aside from being used as a ploy for sympathy. surely, someone who wails about being "seen as a nazi" would understand the ramifications of claiming someone else is one too.

in conclusion this is probably the only time i will speak about this publicly, so i want to make the message as clear as i can.

cheebs. i have said it before, and i will say it again. seek. fucking. help. venting and ranting about everyone using our full names isn't coping. making up lies and spinning story after story, evil narrative after evil narrative about how the mean evil ex-moots hate you and want you dead… isn't coping. i can empathise with your paranoia of being watched wherever you go, of feeling like everyone hates you and secretly prays for your downfall. i have been through that as well. i am still currently going that as we speak. however, i cannot empathise with lying, with spreading misinformation every. single. chance. you get. my empathy has bounds, and those bounds have been long since crossed.

we may not have been friends, but i sure as hell know you're better than this.

#discourse #long post #sorry for the ramble #fandom tags ->#hetalia #hetalia fandom

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