#favourite movie released this year out of all i've watched so far

[deadpoetsmusings]

Aftersun (2022) dir. Charlotte Wells

[daegu-based-terrorist]

you gave us permission to spam so I need to rant a liittle bit tangentially related to north korea lmao. feel free to ignore ig

So anyways i've been watching s.korean movies from the 50s and 60s on the 고전영화 YT channel. Just cuz I love black and white movies and the vibe in general. One thing that pisses me off so bad tho is that people watch these actors and actresses IN THE 50S - directly after the war - and all they have to say is "ㅋㅋㅋ 평양말투 같애" or "복한말투야 뭐야" among other stuff that also includes making fun of their "fat" faces (... THE AUDACITY to say that to literal actresses??? and also what the hell happened to 눈은 반달 얼굴은 보름달???) and im like... duh, of course... im not even ethnically korean... and I have more sense

First off,, if you were around 25 or so years old in lets say 1958 (which is when 지옥화 released) means you were born in 1933 (Choi Eun Hee, the female lead in 지옥화 was born 1926, so checks out) which means you were born when Korea wasn't even Korea, it was Joseon, under the imperial Japanese rule, before the war, Sooo -

1) of course the accents from Seoul area are going to be slightly similar to the one in Kaeseong or even Pyeongyang since they're not THAT far apart plus Gyeonggi-do extended into the now-North AND the traditional Seoul accent/서울사투리 (the distinctive one from the 50s-90s not the one now) took from 경기도 사투리. Add that up PLUS it had only been one or barely two decades since the partition - that's not even a full generation - so why would North-South seperate movie accents develop already??? The first actors born after partition in 1945 could only debut after 1963 and properly "be the trend" in the late 60s and early 70s, until then it was LITERALLY the same generation.

2) WHAT A SHOCKER : a lot of those actors were born in the now-North or have family from there, and so many people wandered around the country in theatre troupes before settling in the now-South. like FRIKKIN LEE SOON JAE was born in  회령군 함경북도 (director Shin Sang Ok a.k.a. Choi Eun Hee's husband was also born in 함경북도). Song Hae (a.k.a. 전국노래자랑 할아버지) was born in 황해도. Like, I'm sure there's so many more that were literally born before the war and just ended up staying in the South. WHY WOULD THEIR ACCENTS SOUND LIKE THE STANDARD SEOUL ACCENT? its literally the only way that connected them to the place they were born in and how their parents raised them. And there's nothing wrong with that????

Expanding on this - you see the gigantic amount of celeb people who are (technically) 2nd generation North Koreans a.k.a. their parents were born in the North side and settled in the South, so the connections still exist. You can't just magically make them disappear smh.

3) This is just a theory I have tbh... Pyeongyang was a center for kisaengs and kisaeng schools which had a wide reputation in the Joseon era - so any female actress/singer etc that was born and raised in then-Joseon would develop a similar talking/singing style to Pyeongyang artists because that just was a standard to match up to. But it's just a theory lol.

Anyways it's so weird to see people mock actors from the freshly divided era of S.Korea for having accents that might just reflect either a) their birthplace/hometown/familial ties and/or b) the common movie accent of the time because the North and South hadn't culturally grown super apart yet

Yeah so tl;dr accent shaming is a no-no and it's weird af

End of rant lmao sorry if this doesn't fit on your blog, ik it's more about SK than NK but I've been thinking about this a lot and didn't know with whom to share this without me looking like a lunatic

No it’s okay you are my favourite ranter I still have a draft from your ask about North Korean food and restaurants that I need to finish writing.

Accent shaming is soooo bad in South Korea people here are like really good at it they can clock the neighbourhood in Seoul that you are from just by your accent they are playing 4D chess with accentism.

If you go under the comments of any video posted by a North Korean refugee you will see tones of comments either mocking their accent or praising them for speaking “proper Korean” if they have adopted a Seoul or otherwise South Korean accent.

I didn’t speak much from the ages 6-8 I had trauma induced selective mutism or something so I was only speaking (Korean) with my mother so despite living the majority of my life in the ROK I still have a pretty noticeable North Korean accent and I’ve seen people have like full body reactions to hearing me say totally normal things like “hello how are you?”

Anyway tdlr I totally agree with you and if there is any place where accentism is real and has genuine affect on your life it’s the Republic of mother fucking Korea

[badwolfwho1]

It's halfway through the year? Got any favorite albums/books/tv shows/whatever to recommend?

So for the first time I have actually been keeping a spreadsheet with the intent of ranking all the things this year to keep track of what I've read/watched etc and not rely on my memory so in theory this should be easy but in truth I've only been updating it for movies and books so I will have to rely on my memory after all.

Albums

I do not keep track of the albums I've been listening but I have been listening to Avantasia's discography lately and it's all been hitting for me, I think the Wicked Symphony especially was my favourite of their work.

I also listened to The Moody Blues' 'Days of Future Passed' just today so I'll mention that as well, I enjoyed it. (I fully intended to come back here and write some more later but I guess I didn't, it's neat I guess)

Judging based off my liked songs on Spotify I really liked most of Deep Purple's album 'House of Blue Light' and both of Savage Garden's albums.

For a perennial I still love The Bangles' third album "Everything", my first listen I had a few standouts like "In Your Room", "Be With You", "Something to Believe In" but I currently adore pretty much every track on there.

Have I listened to much modern this year? Alas no I am cursed by most of my current listening habits coming from deciding to check out whatever is being referenced in the current episode of Jojo that I'm rewatching and since I just reached Part 5 that means at best they'll be 25 years old.

Books

I've actually kept track of my books so this should be easy, 'Catch 22'; It's a classic for a reason, it's just really really good.

The Adrian Tchaikovsky zone; I read 'City of Last Chances', its sequel 'House of Open Wounds' and the final part of the Final Architecture trilogy 'Lords of Uncreation' this year, all phenomenal (2, 3 and 4 on my books of the year list), City of Last Chances slightly pips the others (and as the opener to a series is the easiest rec). You get a huge and diverse range of points of view all over a city under imperial occupation, great worldbuilding as I always expect from him. There's even a giant centipede what more can you ask for? (I'm also reading his Alien Clay right now, that's a stand alone novel starring a scientist exiled to a work camp on another planet because of his political activism, real good so far, love all the weird alien life it has. It'll probably be joining the Tchaikovsky zone unsure where at though yet)

Oh I've just noticed Bret Hart's biography isn't on my list so I gotta say "Hitman", incredible. The life of a wrestler is wild and Bret Hart especially has had quite the life. So much I didn't know about. The best there is, the best there was and the best there ever will be (but not the best on my list).

The rest of my top ten, CL Clarke's 'The Unbroken' and 'The Faithless', Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone's 'This is How You Lose the Time War', AK Larkwood's 'The Ten Thousand Eyes' and Garth Marenghi's Terrortome

Games

I feel like I've barely played any games this year. Slay the Spire is still the only Roguelike you'll ever need. I'll be replaying Slay the Princess when Pristine Cut comes out later this year so I'll throw that in here, that's an incredible horror visual novel, tons of branching paths, all voice acted to perfection. I'm in the middle of a Freedom Planet replay, so if you like classic 2D Sonic games this is a really good Soniclike

(Me from after I wrote all this) Oh yeah Hades II exists and I somehow forgot about it I have no idea how that happened. Yeah Supergiant (I always have to double check that in case I write Supermassive) always hits, every single one of their games is gold, Hades II continues that trend. It might still be Early Access but it quite comfortably surpasses release Hades I in content so I am incredibly excited to see how it grows.

Movies

Number 1 at my list is Godzilla Minus One, it's so good, I watched it last year, I watched it this year I'll probably watch it again in the Minus Colour version. I'm a Godzilla mark (I still have at least some objectivity Godzilla x Kong sitting at 12 hasn't even broken into my top 10, wait Oppenheimer isn't on here probably 13 then) and while I've definitely not even nearly seen of all Godzilla's filmography I think this is him comfortably at his best. As in all of his best films as a metaphor as well as a giant radioactive dinosaur.

I watched Rashomon the other day and it feels like a real basic thing to say but yeah Rashomon's really good, as with Catch-22 it's a classic for a reason. Not good enough to surpass a radioactive dinosaur apparently but what can?

And my number three on my list, Asteroid City, great framing device, great set design. Just a genuinely fascinating movie, had complete hold of my interest at all times.

The rest of my top ten in order The Banshees of Inisherin, Monster, Speed, The Menu, Happy Death Day, Scream, Scream 2 (Maybe Happy Death Day should be lower than the Screams actually) Oppenheimer is probably going to land somewhere in that top 10 as well.

TV

Delicious in Dungeon is good, everyone knows Delicious in Dungeon is good, everyone's watching it. World building, funny, great cast its all there, I should read the manga some time. I should definitely read more manga in general.

I've also watched The 8 Show, a Korean Drama show. Eight strangers are offered a chance to participate in a psuedo game show where they live on eight seperate floors and are paid money for the length of time the show goes on. The ones living on the lower floors earn less money and the ones on the higher ones earn more. (Shockingly it's a metaphor for capitalism). Things fairly rapidly degenerate. You'll obviously think of Squid Game watching this and its not as good as Squid Game but its still pretty good.

And obvs you know I'm still on that Buffy watch, on the cusp of finishing Series 6 of Buffy, the most frustrating so far in that it has some good ideas dragged down by a number of terrible decisions; magic becoming a metaphor for drugs, having to see those three nerds on screen frequently, that death etc etc.

Oh yeah I'm watching the Acolyte, I'm not gonna say its great but like its shockingly decent. Falls far short of Andor but aside from that its probably one of the best Star Wars shows they've made. If you like Star Wars this is one of the better shows to check out.

(Somehow I forgot I watched all of Hacks this year!?!?!?!) Great stuff, love those two. Hope they continue to be weird about each other forever.

Other

I'd love to rec a manga but I cantinue to only read two manga which are Hajime no Ippo and Jojo and they're both over 30 years old and still going and I cannot recommend something that long. Last time I mentioned Ippo was like at least six months ago I think I said it was slowly moving towards a conclusion it has moved no closer to a conclusion since then I think it's gonna be another decade. I still love it my favourite character is probably going to have his character arc finished by the end of the current arc, Mashiba's is going to become world champion, he is going to be respected rather than just feared, he's going to have friends, he is going to defeat the personification of the dirty boxing style that carried him through most of his career and he's going to stop being so overprotective over his sister. Either that or he'll get injured and have to retire from boxing forever in a karmic callback to his original sin in boxing when he broke Miyata's foot like thirtyodd years ago. Hopefully the first one.

[spacemagicandlaserswords]

The Clone Wars 2x4 'Senate Spy' Reaction

Putting this one under a cut as it deals with some heavy topics.

CW: Domestic violence, abusive relationships, emotional abuse

Wow ok this episode really emphasised how controlling Anakin is of Padmé. There were a few instances of it in Season 1, particularly at the start of the finale, but it was a constant presence throughout this episode. In every interaction between Anakin and Padmé it was glaringly obvious how controlling and possessive Anakin is of Padmé.

I know possessive characters are a fandom trope favourite, particularly in smut, and I can understand it in that exact, precise, fantasy, pretend, entirely made up context but I've also always been squicked out by and wary of it outside of that one highly specific context. To me, it's a giant red flag and a trait that basically screams 'Danger! This person is a threat!' Which is entirely applicable in this context, because we all know how that relationship ended. With Anakin attempting to murder Padmé and their unborn children by strangling her.

Seeing multiple clear and obvious signs of an abusive husband in this relationship is rather jarring to watch. Usually I will easily keyboard mash out reaction thoughts to an episode but I'm really struggling with this one. It's important to talk about but it's also quite difficult and tough. There are so many red flags in Anakin's behaviour in this episode alone and it's barely the start of Season 2. He's controlling, possessive, selfish, egotistical, angry, and frankly downright frightening. The part that really got me was where he decided for Padmé that she wasn't allowed to go on the mission because he had deemed it too dangerous, completely removing her agency and denying her free will.

I'm glad Padmé reacted the way she did. That she called out Anakin on his bullshit and made it completely clear that no one makes decisions for her. That definitive rejection of Anakin's controlling and abusive behaviour needed to happen. What frustrated me was the way in which it was done and the way in which Padmé is characterised and written in her relationship with Anakin.

Because they wrote Padmé as the Strong Female Character. Who never backs down, always gives back as good as she gets, ready with a snappy comeback and full of fight, just as strong and tough as The Boys. Which, sadly, makes sense given that this episode was released in 2009. The Strong Female Character was still the best we could really hope for in terms of mainstream media representation. Mass Effect had only come out two years earlier and the option to play the main character as a woman was considered groundbreaking at the time. It was only a few years before this episode that Padmé was fighting in the middle of a gladiator arena turned battle field in Attack of the Clones in nothing but a blindingly white skin tight outfit that somehow magically never got dirty with no amour to protect herself with apart from some clunky looking shin guards. How was she supposed to protect herself from getting injured from attacks and blaster bolts?! Armour sure would've helped when that nexu conveniently ripped her top off in just the right spot so that it became a crop top because god forbid we have a woman existing in an action movie without showing some skin. Urgh. (little teenage nerd me had many about opinions about this). The usually singular female character in any action movies of the time were always the same Strong Female Character trope as well, usually with a whole bunch of unnecessary sexiness thrown in purely for the male gaze (see aforementioned crop top).

I'm sure it gets better, well I hope it gets better, but it's another reminder that while enjoyable so far, The Clone Wars, especially the earlier episodes and seasons, are products of their time and have already started to show their age. That doesn't excuse it. I guess it's just me noticing that it's interesting in an odd sort of way that I can't really describe to watch it all for the first time 14 years later in an entirely different media landscape.

The other thing that really stood out to me about Anakin's abusive behaviour was that every time Padmé pushed back, stood her ground and called out Anakin's bullshit, he never acknowledged Padmé's point of view, that he might possibly be wrong or even considered apologising. He just kept barrelling along, doing what he wanted to do because he was always right and Padmé was wrong and Padmé should be listening to him and doing what he says because Padmé is his. For the entirety of their relationship, Anakin is either fighting, controlling or love bombing Padmé. A healthy relationship is not based on any of these.

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this and I've no idea how to finish this but watching this episode was like watching every abusive relationship I've had to deal with. All the red flags were there. All the emotional abuse was there. All the abusive behaviours were there. I'm not sure if Padmé and Anakin's relationship in this episode and throughout The Clone Wars was written this way intentionally, and I'm not sure I'd give the writers enough credit to do so, but it was all so very alarmingly, scarily, jarringly accurate.

[asksugarrush]

TMI Tuesday: What did you think of the previous generation MLP cartoons like G1, G3, and G3.5?

:O

Amazing question there my friend! <3

G1 - Iconic! If G1 never happened, the my little pony fandom likely wouldn't exist. I've never watched G1, but the art style is super cute and I love the 80's filter, I'm a huge vintage fan!

G2 - I know next to nothing about this generation. Never watched it, barely knew it existed honestly... ^^'

G3 - This is the generation I started to grow up with! As a 2000's baby, I grew up watching G3 movies such as; A Very Minty Christmas, The Princess Promenade and Pinkie Pie and the Ladybug Jamboree (those are the 3 mains ones I remember the best) along with some others. It isn't my favourite generation as looking back on the art makes me a little uneasy, but I still go back to watch the movies and episodes to this day for the nostalgia as G3 was released in 2003!

G3.5 - Wait this exists?

G4 - MY FAVOURITE!!! I was around 11-12 years old when MLP:FIM was released. It was my favourite show at the time and it was one of the only things I talked about. Being young and autistic, I had quite a few hyper fixations. I'd been doodling since I was a little tot, but I started to seriously get into drawing after FIM was released. I had 2 best friends who also loved the show, we all made OC's (Sugar Rush was mine, that's right, my OC is almost 13 years old!!) and came up with a story we wanted to tell over Tumblr. One of the friends lost interest, so me and my other friend started our first blog on Tumblr, including Sugar Rush and her OC. That blog is still up to this day, but I don't touch it. I stay far away from it actually as the said friend I had the blog with cut me out of her life randomly one day and said a bunch of toxic things about me online. She never brought the concerns to me, I never knew about them.

G5 - Ew, sorry. I watched the first movie with high expectations, they were shattered. I don't bother with the new generation at all. The 2D art style is cute and the 3D art style is lovely, but the story is absolute crap and I find it boring.

So there you go, how I feel about each generation!

[clockworkrobotic]

The Tragic Saga of the Goncharov Tie-In Game (1995)

so since everyone has discovered goncharov i get to talk about a personal fascination of mine, which is the wild n wacky tale of the goncharov video game tie in. If youre thinking "what the hell are you talking about, there wasn't a video game tie in" theres a reason for that, bear with me

so the game came out sometime around 1995 (different sources place it at various points between 1994 and 1995), and it was one of the first properties to be licenced by sony for a console. It was originally planned to be a SNES-CD release until that console was cancelled, at which point it was ported to the playstation. if youre wondering why goncharov got a tie in like twenty years after the film released, that's kind of why it's so unheard of. sony was testing the waters with its new hardware to see if there was an older audience for gaming, and a few investors were willing to put some money behind the idea. it was actually pretty well-funded all things considered, with a budget of around $1.1m, and the gameplay was similar to that of goldeneye, which released a couple of years later. it was also fairly sophisticated, featuring branching decision trees and several different endings (I think 4? there isn't a lot of gameplay footage available, but there were at least 4)

unfortunately, development was plagued with problems from the get go. Despite its healthy budget, the studio couldn't convince any of the original cast to return to do voice work. Of course they couldn't, the film was two decades old -- you think harvey keitel was gonna bail on pulp fiction to appear in some experimental video game? of course not. so the dev team went for the next best thing: soundalikes.

the problem is, the soundalike VAs they hired weren't used to doing longform work. don't get me wrong, they did their darndest, but their experience was very much rooted in things like radio commercials and short voiceovers. they hadn't really had to act before. oh, and all but one of them hadn't seen the movie. the anecdote goes that they showed up on day one expecting a couple of days work tops, and much to their shock were handed several dozen pages of script (remember the decision trees? branching dialogue baby) and told they were employed for the next six months. Good for them, I think?

The voice acting really suffered from this. a lot of it feels very stilted, it ruins the immersion. yknow how in elder scrolls oblivion all the voice lines were recorded in alphabetical order? It sounds similar to that (altho personally i think the goncharov voice acting is a bit better lol). the directors and actors really struggled to pull everything together.

the result was that, while the game itself definitely wasn't bad, it was outright innovative in places, critics really couldn't get past the baffling performances, which they near-unanimously agreed made the game a slog. someone suggested the game should be played on mute with goncharov the film playing on a second tv, though went on to say that you wouldn't even finish the game then, because you'd just end up watching the far superior goncharov film instead. The game flopped, causing its global release to be cancelled, and was only ever distributed in the UK, Australia, and Japan.

the game had a brief stint as a cult classic, garnering a small online fandom in the early days on the internet. there is allegedly an italian fan translation out there somewhere, although a copy has never surfaced and it is considered lost media. a couple of people have come forward claiming to have worked on it -- they also claim to have met in the neopets forums of all places. i believe them -- and there are a couple of youtube videos showcasing what appears to be an italian fandub, but without the game files it's not possible to know whether theyre real or edited in post.

so now you know the story of goncharov the movie the game, my favourite game i've never played and probably never will. while it may well have been a missed opportunity, i like to think it paved the way for such classics as enter the matrix, and ratatouille the movie the game, and what would the world be like without them?

[basil-touche]

3, 4, 9!

3. Favourite musical artist/ group that you started listening to this year?

I ended up discovering the musician Fin this year via the song Ship in a Bottle which is so my kind of music (a very talented artist did an animatic of their oc to the song which is just incredible) and I also ended up really loving the tracks Abandon Ship and Exposure (the latter of which became one of my most listened to tracks this year). Perfect tracks for brainstorming the kinda stories I want to eventually write.

Also music related, my brain is still so obsessed with The Pirates! In An Adventure With Scientists that I ended up making a playlist on Spotify featuring all the music used in the film I could find (I even went through the film itself so I could make sure I could add the correct covers of songs) as well as some tracks that I think vibe well with the characters. I might add more tracks in the future if my brain still keeps bothering me about this film.

Here's the playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/52OJc0rqobXwewIBL6OEYS?si=260f6de2d5a34ab3

4. Movie of the year?

I saw quite a lot of films at the cinema in the first half of this year (latter half not so much due to personal matters). I ended up seeing The Super Mario Bros Movie, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3, Dungeons & Dragons Honour Among Thieves, Spiderman Across the Spiderverse and Barbie in cinemas and Nimona and Reinfield from home.

I'm hoping to watch Chicken Run Dawn of the Nugget next week and The Boy and the Heron when it releases after Christmas (might be the only time I'll be able to watch a new Ghibli film in theaters) but in terms of films I've watched this year so far I'd definitely say Across the Spiderverse, hands down.

Went to see it with some friends and it blew away my expectations (love the first film so they were high). I'm really excited for the last film in the trilogy now, just as long as the animators are actually treated with respect (that might be the one thing I don't like about the film, it's just a movie at the end of the day, no need to mistreat people for it to be made).

9. Best Month for you this year?

The year was going pretty well up until the end of July, I would probably say June as that's when I saw Across the Spiderverse with my friends and the weather was warm enough for to go out and about with my folks. Also having cold drinks down at the pub and just chatting & playing board games with my friends in the sunshine was a lot fun (minus the sunburns). Now I'm just ready for 2023 to be over 🫠

[literalite]

!!!NOT A WCIF!!!!

hiiii <3 big ask big answer is what i'm expecting would LOVE to know your top 5/faves across various media that are new(in release or just new to you) this year! so: shows, movies, games, books, songs/albums, new artists you've discovered etc

HI IMO 🫶 happy bday btwwww!!!!! heres my top five seven of this year in no particular order 😈

LAUREL HELL by mitski (2022)

one thing about me is that i LOVE mitski... i've been waiting for the new album ever since working for the knife dropped in 2021 and she did not disappoint literally so many of the songs were SO relatable and applicable to my life its safe to say she carried me thru early 2022... heat lightning and should've been me are my two fav songs from the album but literally the whole thing is no skips for me

EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE directed by daniel kwan and daniel scheinert (2022)

no bcos i walked into this movie hearing so many good things about it i was kind of worried ab it being underwhelming to my expectations But It Was Not. it made me bawl the first time i watched it highkey 🤭 something about the specific flavour of parental... disappointment?? love??? it was beautifully crafted and stephanie hsu's performance to me was unforgettable im probably going to go watch her entire portfolio ive watched the vid below like 10 times

MOB PSYCHO 100 from one and studio bones (2016-2022)

jort recommended this show to me and i finally bit the bullet and watched it in may... ITS SO BEAUTIFUL. IT JUST. clenches fist idkkk this show just is stunning on so many levels visually its my fav anime i think??? so many frames that will live in my head forever... also the nature of the narrative about Kindness without the like framework of whether its "deserved" or you're worthy of giving or receiving it really spoke to me. hats off to jort for this i'm rlly glad i got to start it while the show was airing

SMITHEREENS by joji (2022)

unfortunately i am genuinely a joji fan so i was super hyped for this album... he's got such a melancholy(?) tone to his music that rlly speaks to me i think if i seriously made music i would probably want to emulate that if even a little. my only criticism is i wished the album was longer HDKSHSK die for you and 1am freestyle r my favourite songs from it

NOPE directed by jordan peele (2022)

what hasn't already been said about this movie. IT'S SO GOOD. i love my horror movies but i will freely admit that like 80% of the films in the entire genre are just objectively Bad especially american made horror movies 🤭 jordan peele completely sidesteps that issue and nope has to be my fav of his works so far i think. it has layers like an onion i'm still thinking about it like months after watching it... mr peele already had a fan in me for life but this solidifies it

ANDOR created by tony gilroy (2022-?)

okay hear me out i know its star wars (👎) and thus my opinion on the franchise has generally been biased but this show literally knocked my ass into the water it was so unexpectedly good? and not good in a pitying oh at least x character from x series made a cameo NO the show like knew exactly what it was trying to say and said it beautifully. diego lunas performance was genuinely so moving i highly recommend everyone even if u havent watched star wars!! u dont need like all the context just watch a new hope and rogue one after the show? maybe

ICYMI by eden (2022)

finishing off with my personal fav artist of all tiiime 🥰🥰🥰 ive been literally obsessed with his music the second i found it so i was waiting patiently for this album for ages. no skip ass album i just fucking love his music it feels like im levitating it feels like my soul is being read. if i made music and it had even a sliver of this albums energy i'd die a happy man. i literally listened to nothing but it for like a week straight i think. my fav songs from it are balling and closer 2

[aenesthesian]

March 2024 favourites

Throughout the past few months I've seen several people catalogue their monthly interests in this way, and it's intrigued me as I don't know anyone else who likes to categorise things as much as I do. Maybe I'm just an immensely nostalgic person who is terrified of forgetting things from my youth, which, I'm not going to lie, is starting to hinder me a little! Anyways, this is my first try at this, bear with me.

Film(s)

Saw Dune: Part Two in theatres and holy shit, what an experience that was - it truly is the blockbuster franchise of our time. However, no matter how good the movie itself was, it still left me confused as i hadn't made any effort beforehand to understand the plot. I remember feeling the exact same sense of confusion when I came out of the cinema in 2021 after seeing the first part of Dune. Turns out all I had to do was watch a single Youtube video explaining how the Dune universe works in order to be completely engrossed by the world! If only my stubbornness and refusal to give sci-fi movies the time of day, a genre i've never enjoyed much, hadn't stopped me from wanting to understand it all these years.

Another thing that kept me on my toes all month was the promo for Challengers starting, which releases in theatres next month!! I can't believe we're actually getting a love triangle on screen where ALL corners touch. What a monumental event in history indeed.

Also, special mention: Swann Arlaud, Twitter's It-Boy of the Month!!! Well, at least my TL is flooded with pictures and interviews of him, which I'm actually not mad about, not mad at all.

Bars

Usually March is a really tough month, one full of despair and stress. While that was still the case this year, I tried balancing it out by spending more time with friends. It's been lovely spending long Friday evenings in bars, even if I did feel a little distant at times. Strange how one can feel dissociated in a large group and yet still feel like they belong - it only starts being unbearable the moment you begin to feel like an anomaly that is entirely out of place. Our brains work in fascinating ways; regardless, I'm just glad to have spent more time outside of my home. Is this what enjoying my youth feels like?

Skincare

I only properly began about a week ago, but i've been having so much fun establishing, or rather enhancing my skincare routine. I used to brag about not taking care of my skin at all, which looking back was absolutely tragic. Now I'm very pleased with how far I've come in terms of taking care of my own body, at least with this little routine I have.

Music

I've been finding so much new music lately!! Over the last two weeks, there genuinely hasn't been a day where I didn't find at least two songs to my liking. Been listening to a ton of German music as well as any other genre I can think of - from rock, alternative/indie to hip-hop, rap, techno, pop, just anything that comes my way. Here are some of my favourites from this month:

babybreath - Lovesliescrushing Tommi - AnnenMayKantereit Junge - Die Ärzte Another life - PinkPantheress, Rema Subterraneans - David Bowie alone - Cavetown Tumblr Girls - G-Eazy, Christoph Andersson Will I See You Again? - Thee Sacred Souls Beautiful Boy - The Last Dinner Party Cellular (Live) - King Krule Leben leben - OG Ti Philadelphia - Matt Maltese, Searows Pretty Girls - Reneé Rap Am Weg in die Villa - BIBIZA Too Sweet - Hozier Never Wanted To Dance - Mindless Self Indulgence Lottoscheine - AnnenMayKantereit i like the way you kiss me - Artemas nichts - makko Souvenir - boygenius Ssaliva's entire discography

Books

I read How To Get A Girl Pregnant by Karleen Pendleton Jimenez, a memoir of sorts about a queer butch woman trying to get pregnant, and oh my god. The grip that book had on me was unbelievable, it simply felt so distinctly human and helped ease my anxiety about my future as a queer person a little. It's advice that straight parents cannot give their queer child, and I couldn't help but soak it all up. It's available online in pdf format, btw.

Also, I finally finished my third reread of my first All the Young Dudes copy that I started reading in November I believe? I'm afraid those characters, that story, and that fandom will always be a part of me, as it's been three years now, and my fixation isn't waning one bit. Forgot to mention that I began reading The Secret History after putting it off for literally a year or two, which I'm very excited about. So far it's incredible, however pages 44 and 45 left such a deep pit in my stomach that I had to put it down for a few days. Hopefully I'll be done with it by the end of April, as next month may be the most stressful of my entire life so far.

Special mention

The forcemasc tumblr tag has taken over my body and mind. Not sure whether I'm willing to go into more detail, but i just. i just. i. holy fucking shit. Never has anything validated my gender identity along with my sexuality more than that goddamn tag.

A quote that defined my month

[jinxiaobao]

it’s your secret santa again 🎁💞 the holidays really are always a season right between nice and really stressful, but i hope the nice part is lying ahead for you and your week has gone well so far <3

loved what you said about nct (127)!they’re one of my favourite groups too and doyoung is one of my biases too, i sooo get what you mean. at first i only listened to their music without watching any videos or content, so his voice stood out to me first and i was like … damn, who is that … and here we are now! he has a fantastic voice and is really hilarious dhhdhehje. and your song choices! ahhh, i loved seeing those! your blog title made me think of time lapse right away and seeing you mention it i was like, well, that’s clear now (what a good song whew). overall, i just love how nct always has some stuff going on and you can just sort of pick what you want to enjoy and see from them 👌

loved your character list, i feel like these are so very you and fit what you’ve told me about the shows and stories you go for (and dw i would find it difficult to seoerate jwds and vegaspete too, they are so intertwined in each other). your taste really shines and i love how your gifsets always are an extension of that. the way you see your favourite media and characters and give them room in your stuff and your creativity is so cool! ☺️

i know our time is coming to a close, but some last questions bc i still love reading what you have to say: are there any dramas you are looking forward to in 2023 or any on your watchlist? any movies you really loved this year? and any show or movie that took you completely by surprise or was just a fun watch for yourself?

sending you good vibes and thoughts! 🌞

hello my mystery friend! i'm a little sad that our time is coming to a close--i've had such a nice time "chatting" with you!

this got kinda long, so i'mma put this behind a cut!

i'm trying not to freak out about the holidays--this was a rough year for us and frankly i don't need to compound my stress, y'know? it'll be okay. my family is relatively healthy and happy, and that's more than i could ask for.

right??? doyoung's voice is so good! doie, release a solo mini album, i beg 🙏 my friend pointed out once that my biases tend to skew toward the singers and when i thought about it, i realized she's right. doyoung from nct (also taeil!), kihyun from monsta x, onew from shinee, baekhyun from exo... there's definitely some merit to that lol

i was reviewing that list and wow i do have a type, don't i? i like my men slutty and/or emotionally stunted. 👌

you're so kind 💕thank you for saying that about my gifsets. i'm enjoying making them and stretching myself creatively. honestly, i haven't felt this creative in years. i didn't realize how much i missed giffing until i started doing it again on a regular basis. i thrive on engagement, and i'm so happy that people seem to enjoy what i do.

hmmm. dramas i'm looking forward to... i don't have a lot of new dramas on my list but there's a lot of already-released stuff waiting for me. 'prison playbook', 'under the skin', and 'big bet' are a few that come to mind. there are A LOT of dramas that i need to get back to (that adhd brain baby!): 'tomorrow', 'extraordinary attorney woo', 'the guest', 'flower of evil' and 'my country: the new age' come to mind. despite having lots of shows to resume, i've delved into a couple of new ones--'bad and crazy', 'somebody' and 'connect'. i'm enjoying them all so far. 'bad and crazy' is so much fun right now (i suspect it will get less fun as the series goes on) and the chemistry between lee dong wook and wi ha joon is great. 'connect' is interesting (and kinda gross, but it is takashi miike so). and 'somebody' gives me the chills. love it.

as far as movies, i really liked 'incantation'. i finally saw 'the handmaiden' this year--amazing. i also watched 'mother' and 'memoir of a murder'. both very very good films. i hope to continue my journey through shin ha kyun's filmography 😍 (god that man makes me insane)

i'm trying to think if anything took me by surprise, and honestly it would be 'beyond evil'. i realize i'm a broken record at this point, but that series really changed my life. i went into it anticipating a murder mystery and what i got was this beautifully told story about love, loss, death, greed, companionship, loneliness, found family, and flawed people. i think about it literally every single day, i've watched the whole series three times so far, and i feel like i'm due for another one soon.

sending you good vibes and positive thoughts!!! i hope you're safe and well, mystery friend! 💕

[cartoonfanorwhatever]

I've been meaning to finally watch all ghibli movies. And o want to get trough them all by end of August. I've seen bits and pieces of some of them, have watched many a video essayist talk about them.

I'm going to talk about each of them as i watch them, mostly all in chronological order.

But first i'll quickly say something about the ones i *have* seen. In more or less the order i've seen them.

First one i ever saw was 'laputa: castle in the sky'. I saw this one years ago so i don't have many specific things to say. But it's absolutely wondeful. And the action is fenominal

Then i saw either 'Kiki's delivery service' and 'Howl's moving castle' i don't remember the precise order. But i saw both either this or last year. Both once again beatiful stories. I empathised with Kiki so much and it's such a nuanced yet heartfelt coming of age story. Howl's moving castle however might so far be my favourite. It's such a unique take on a beauty and the beast type story and the magic and the world keep me endlessy interested. Also the main theme (Merry go round of life) slaps and every few weeks it starts playing on loop in my brain.

Then i also watched 'Lupin the third: castle of cagliostro' which, yes, i do count.

I'll once again be frank and admit that i don't remember if i watched it before or inbetween or even after the last 2 but whatever, time-blindness is a bitch.

Anyway it's amazing probably the Best Lupin III content out there and it's so influential on animation as a whole. Even if you know nothing about Lupin the third it's fully enjoyable. I'm very angry Netflix doesn't have it anymore because i really wanted to rewatch it (don't worry i did pirate it but i kinda didn't want to because i want to puch Netflix's algorythm towards animation as much as possible. But that's neither here nor there.)

A couple of months ago i saw 'nausicaa of the valley of the wind' which is underappreciated in my opinion. It's based on Miyazaki's own manga. It's a truly epic story with an important message about environmentalism that's as relevas It's ever been. The main character, Naussica is so cool (and I'm fully planning a dnd character greatly based on her). The alien environments and inhabitants of the fungal forests are breathtaking. Nuff´ said.

Then finally, this friday i watched 'My neighbor Totoro' and what can i say that hasn't already been said? A beatiful view in the life of young girls going trough a rough time in their lives juxtaposed with the innocence and beaty of childhood mixed with Japanse mythology. Let's just say Totoro is ghibli's flagship mascot for a reason.

This movie hit particularly close to home because of my job of working with kids their age. And the fear, confusion and even despair the youngest feels about their situation that they're just too young to properly grasp just kept rending my heart in two. Not to mention the older sister who has to be the responsible one and has to keep herself together despite that it's clear how hard it is on her as well. The characters in this film are real in a way that only Miyazaki has mastered portraying.

(Fun fact: the person who voiced the father is 'Shigesato Itoi' who is also the creator of the 'Mother' video game series.)

Finally, finally, to switch things up; today I watched 'a silent voice' i'll probably elaborate more in the future on a different post. But needless to say it's exactly as good as people say it is, maybe even better.

It was a touch longer than i thought it would be but it wasn't really a problem. It's a super interesting story with a nuanced take on redemption, attonement and friendship. Rended in a way that only animation can truly accomplish.

Up next: I'll go in proper release order from now on so next thing is 'only yesterday'. A more slice of life film and one i might even be to young to fully appreciate seeing i'm only just in my mid 20s and the main character is in her early thirties i think. But i've heard nothing but good things about it so i'm sure i'll be fine.

And concidering that i'm sick and won't go into work tomorrow I'll most likely watch it then

[nialltlynch]

Mid-Year Book Freakout

@flitwickslittlebrotha tagged me so i gotta, thank u bee 💖💖

Best Book You've Read So Far in 2022?

cheating and saying our wives under the sea for how indelibly kk it was and also the locked tomb series for being. oh my god how to say...... well, all of that (reverent)

Best Sequel You've Read So Far in 2022?

harrow! thee! ninth! fuck!!!!!!!!!!!! that book!!!!!

New Release You Haven't Read Yet, But Want To?

i literally have no idea what was released this year but uhhhhh didn't ocean vuong release a new poetry collection? is the last book in the founders trilogy out yet ?? one of those probably.

Most Anticipated Release For Second Half of 2022?

off the top of my head: greywaren, the atlas paradox, and nona the ninth. actually.... those are the only ones im aware of being released.

Biggest Disappointment?

not really a dissapointment but i was very glad to be finished with speak easy not because it was like. bad per se. but it was a bit of an uphill trek to get through it.

Biggest Surprise?

negative space!! i went in knowing nothing at all and was enthralled.

Favourite New Author?

i don't know about favorite but i'm keeping an eye on julia armfield, catriona ward, and tamsyn muir

Newest Fictional Crush?

literally all the bitches in the locked tomb series...... i cannot choose just one. but ooooh the tridentarii. ooga booga

Newest Favourite Character?

if i had to play this by the rules and pick just one: harrowhark nonagesimus 🥰🥰

Book That Made You Cry?

negative space. i was in such a weird, overly emotional headspace when i read it so it really got to me okay?

Book That Made You Happy?

wowwwwww i am looking through the few book i've read this year and none of them are all that lighthearted or fun reads that make you feel good. whoops! closest is probably smoke gets in your eyes which was fun and kind of brainless (pun not intended..... punintended)

Favourite Book Adaption You Saw This Year?

i don't know that i've watched any (new) book adaptions this year but hey listen did you know that the movie drive (2011) featuring ryan gosling (you know with the scorpion jacket and the stunt moves) was based on a book?? i was unaware. i got the book and flipped through it and unless the author, who appears to be a well known pulp writer to begin with, was doing a tongue in cheek satire-esque thing then it was bad and i have no interest in reading it :))

Favourite Review You've Written This Year?

i don't usually write review but look at this lol

Most Beautiful Book You Bought So Far This Year?

hehe..... :^)

What Books Do You Need To Read By The End of The Year?

idfk bro give me some recommendations. i haven't read anything all month. blahh.

[theji]

Wang Yibo Song Recommendations

This is a way overdue post. I've been meaning to do a follow-up post to share my favourite Yibo songs after my previous 'Can Wang Yibo Sing?' post.

It's no secret that I'm a huge fan of Singer XZ but I do enjoy many of Yibo's songs too. For the purpose of this list, I will not include Bu Wang cos it's a given. Obviously everyone likes it right?

1. 说剑 Saying Sword

This is the theme song of the online game Moonlight Blade, released in 2019. Is it weird that my favourite WYB song (aside from CQL's) is a game song? His voice is perfect here and I love the overall richness of the song. The oriental tune, complemented by the poetic lyrics and juxtaposed against the rap verses. The MV is also a treat in itself with the beautiful imagery and Yibo doing the sword dance.

2. 年少心事 Young Mind

The theme song of the 2018 animated film Crystal Sky of Yesterday, in which Yibo was the voice actor of the character Qi Jingxuan (who's kinda similar to him - cool, slightly bad boy, doesn't speak very much but has a soft core and cares very much for his friends). I like the positive vibes of the song. It speaks of reminiscing one's youth, of chasing dreams, of growing up, but also looking ahead even if one's life doesn't turn out to be as expected.

I'm sharing this clip because it has bts and student Bobo is cute as a button. Full song here. He also performed this song on DDU. Link to the full movie if anyone's interested.

3. 无感 Wu Gan

Out of Yibo's four singles, Wu Gan is my favourite of the lot. Disregarding the awesome dance choreography, the song itself is great. I don't usually listen to rap music and although Wu Gan is very catchy, it's the lyrics that really enhanced my love for this song. The first time I really looked properly at the lyrics, I remember feeling very touched. At first glance it may seem like a declaration to haters, like you can try but nothing you say is going to hurt me, I don't care. I'll do me. But it's actually deeper and more nuanced than that - it's a summary of his journey, his innermost thoughts, reflection of his past hurt and insecurities, the lessons he learnt over these years. I would go as far to say that from this one song alone, I was able to learn more about Yibo than from some of his interviews. He really is mature and self-aware for his age and despite all that hate and setbacks, his heart is pure and he harbours no resentment. This bit is what touched me the most from this song. Comparing this song to The Rules of My World a year later, I got the sense that there's a shift in his mindset. More determined obviously, but his heart seems a little more...hardened? Not that it's a bad thing and it's understandable given what they went through in 2020. Maybe I'll do a proper analysis of Wu Gan some day when I'm in the mood.

4. 熹微 Xi Wei

Well, this song needs no introduction. I was deciding between this and the song from Gank My Heart but ultimately decided on Xiwei (which refers to the first light of the day) cos of the criticisms the song received when it was first released, which I felt was totally unwarranted. I haven't watched Legend of Fei but I loved this song when I first heard it, even without looking into the lyrics. The song itself is brimming with affection, of a deep-seated love. It's a love confession written like poetry and presented as a song. Yibo's soulful rendition is the cherry on top.

5. 二次初恋 Once Again

The theme song of the 2017 romantic comedy of the same name. This was one of the few duets that Yibo has done to date. It's a bittersweet love song and the MV is cute (I want a cuddly baby Yibo too). It tells the story of a young couple who still miss each other even after they are separated. Even though time has passed, the sweetness of their first love is still deeply etched on their minds and never will be forgotten. Feast your eyes on soft idol WYB cos we'll probably never see him like that again, judging from the acting projects that he has chosen in the past 1+ year.

BONUS

In my XZ song recommendations, I included my fav XNINE song so I will share my fav UNIQ song here as well.

6. Monster

This was the last song recorded and released by UNIQ. Sadly, there was never an official MV for this song and the first and last time they performed this song was during the 2019 Yue Hua family concert. Even then, the full UNIQ wasn't around and because of that, Yibo had to take on the role of vocalist in this live rendition. He did well and looks super good while doing it. I'm featuring the concert clip for obvious reasons but please check out the studio version. Yixuan penned the lyrics to Monster and it was said to be inspired by Twilight, which I found amusing. Xuan-ge, are you a twihard?

7. 男孩 Nanhai

This isn't a full song and not even a proper performance but I just needed to include it in my list. Will we ever be blessed with a full version of Yibo singing Nanhai in the near future?

[cheeseborper]

Just watched The Gray Man. I really enjoyed it! So far I've of my favourite movies released this year.

Some thoughts (spoilers, naturally)

I don't think I've watched a movie with Ryan Gosling in it before. Yeah yeah I know. He played the "stoic agent" really well. The deadpan delivery on comedic lines were great. "My ego is a little bruised", "I just had some Skittles"

Ana de Armas as always is amazing. I've loved her since Knives Out and No Time To Die. This girl can't miss!! But wtf was that hair lol

Claire's actress was really good! Also liked Dhanush's character. He was badass.

Why'd they give Jessica Henwick that haircut 😭 I'm sensing a theme. I didn't really like her character, but I think that was the point. The overbearing, rule stickler. She was great!

Carmichael gave off "I'm the superior here" + creepy vibes. Actor did a great job on that. Hated him

Chris Evans as usual looks like he's having a great time playing an asshole :D

I know some critics didn't like the pacing but I actually enjoyed it.

Really liked that I could actually SEE in the night scene near the end of the movie

The whole ass atmosphere of the entire film was great. Really liked the lighting too.

Even though there was a lot of different locations, they all had a purpose and were filmed very well. I love the outdoor shots in Prague and the Croatian castle the most

There were so many drone shots lol???

Overall, really liked it. I know it's based on a series so maybe I should go read it.

[vi-writes-stuff]

All I've Ever Known (Ethan x f!MC)

Pairing: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr. Audrey Lee)

Word Count: 3.5k

Rating: 18+ (NSFW content)

Premise: A spontaneous date night leaves Audrey questioning the future of their relationship. Set between Book 2 and 3.

Author's Note: It's been a year since I joined Choices, so I thought I'd try my hand at posting a fic. Title from Hadestown. Big thanks to @queencarb and @imaneditorthankyouverymuch for betareading!

I was alone so long

I didn't even know that I was lonely

Out in the cold so long

I didn't even know that I was cold

Turned my collar to the wind

This is how it's always been

All I've ever known is how to hold my own

__________________________________

Doctor Audrey Lee was not used to the sluggishness that once again occupied most of her days. It was not the caffeine-fueled crash she experienced after a long 16 hour shift, nor was it the unpredictable episodes of insomnia that occasionally plagued her.

Leland Bloom had opened up Edenbrook for a few weeks, before shutting it down to finish the major renovations.

As the sun hit her eyes, she felt the warm body pressed against her back tighten its grasp around her waist. For a brief moment, she relished in the warmth surrounding her. She even allowed herself to believe that she could get used to the feeling of waking up in Ethan's arms.

‘If there even is a future for us…’ Doubt whispers into her ear, poisoning the comfort she found in his embrace.

In the weeks before Edenbrook’s inevitable closing, Audrey, like many of her fellow residents, was looking for somewhere to finish her residency. She had been considering a position back home in New York. When she brought it up with Ethan, he acknowledged her response, but there was no following discussion about what that would have meant for their relationship.

Pushing the thoughts away, she settled back into his embrace. She let herself relax as the muffled sounds of the city below filled the quiet space of the bedroom.

The peace lasted all of five minutes before she began feeling restless again. Uneasiness washed over her as the image of her ripping Bloom's billion dollar check flashed in her mind. In the moment, watching the little shreds of paper sprinkling across the expensive hardwood floor of his mansion had been satisfying. Despite that, she couldn't help but wonder if it was the right move.

If she had accepted the check and handed it to Naveen, Leland would have been convinced that she was on his side. In reality, Audrey trusted him as far as she could throw the old man. Her preference was that he landed into the depths of the icy Atlantic Ocean.

Ripping the check was the right move, but it left her in the dark when it came to Leland's intentions.

Sighing to herself, she turned around in Ethan's arms and buried her face into his neck. She felt the reverberations of his pleased hum. There was no use in overthinking things now. They would deal with the repercussions soon enough.

Pressing a gentle kiss against Ethan's neck, she smiled as his eyes fluttered open.

"Good morning," she whispered.

"It is when I wake up beside you," he mumbled back, his voice heavy with sleep.

"Careful, that sounds awfully sentimental. Wouldn't want my favourite grumpy old man going soft."

Opening his eyes, he sent Audrey a half-hearted glare. The sight of Ethan Ramsey bathed in soft sunlight and his hair mussed up by her hands made her melt.

God, she could look into his eyes forever.

"I contain multitudes," he replied. "Speaking of which, this sentimental and grumpy old man wants to ask if you had plans today."

"No plans." A smirk curled across Audrey's lips as she swept some loose hairs from his face. "But if you had plans that involve us spending more time together in bed, I wouldn’t object."

"You're insatiable."

"Are you complaining?"

He grinned at her. "Not at all."

Leaning in to kiss her, Audrey's hands slid up from his shoulders into his hair. Giving the strands a short and sharp tug, Ethan groaned and bit her lower lip. Leaving a trail of kisses down the column of her neck, he lightly nibbled the skin, eliciting a soft moan from her.

He pulled the sheets away from her body and continued his path downwards. Audrey bit back another moan. Almost immediately, Ethan stopped around her navel and lifted his gaze to look into her eyes.

"I want to hear you, Rookie. Don't hold back."

As a warm hand cupped one of her breasts, his tongue lathered the other bringing her nipples to stiff peaks. This time, Audrey let the moan escape her mouth as she felt herself growing wetter. Lifting his head to lavish her other breast, he shot her a coy smile.

"Much better," he panted. Pinning her wrists against the mattress with a single hand, he slowly made his way down her body as his other hand caressed her soft skin. Swiping a finger across her folds, he groaned. "God, you're so wet for me."

The lust that filled his eyes as his face rested by the apex of her thighs made her shiver.

"Ethan, please," she whined.

When his tongue finally met her soaking cunt, Audrey let out a shaky gasp and an incoherent mumble that sounded vaguely like his name. Her hands threaded into his hair again as he let go of her wrists. Using a hand, Ethan lifted a leg over his shoulder, allowing his tongue to delve deeper. As he sucked her clit, Audrey felt herself tense up as an orgasm rippled through her body.

Once Audrey's breathing slowed, Ethan gently lowered her leg. Through her hazy vision, she noticed his lips and beard glistened in the morning light.

"Please," Audrey begged. "I need you inside of me."

"Gladly."

Pressing a deep kiss against her, she tasted herself on his lips and confirmed her earlier observation. Thankfully, his boxers had been removed last night and he hadn't bothered with putting them back on. The wetness of her first orgasm allowed the blunt head of his cock to easily slip into her throbbing cunt. Gripping onto his shoulders, Audrey panted as Ethan set a steady rhythm, his cock rubbing against her already sensitive clit. As his pace quickened, his thrusts became rougher and he bottomed out causing Audrey to gasp.

She trembled as another wave of pleasure coursed through her body. Ethan followed moments later and groaned into Audrey's neck, the reverberations of the sound causing a delicious tingle across her skin. The couple lounged in bed a little longer as they caught their breaths. Pressing a gentle kiss across her temple, Ethan cupped her face with his hands.

"I wanted to say something before we got sidetracked..." His gaze was impossibly soft as his thumb swept across her swollen bottom lip. "I'd like to take you out on a date. A proper one."

Audrey couldn't help the smile that blossomed across her face. "Really?"

He nodded. "I want the world to know the gorgeous woman beside me is taken. So, what do you say?"

"Yes," she answered. "I'd love to go on a date with you."

__________________________________

Several hours later, Audrey was back in the apartment she shared with her friends. Ethan had dropped her off in the early afternoon with a promise to pick her up at six for their date.

She was looking through her closet, searching for a particular dress she had in mind. Ethan had been tight-lipped about his plans. He had only stated it would be a black-tie event.

"Ah ha! Finally found you." She pulled the shimmering gold dress from her closet. Looking into the mirror in her room, she held the dress up to her body and smiled.

With an hour until six, Audrey jumped into the shower to freshen up. Once she finished styling her hair and applying some make-up, she slipped into the dress. Arranging the slit over her leg, she slipped into a matching pair of heels, a black shawl and grabbed the purse holding her phone.

She entered the living room to see her friends sitting on the couch arguing about what movie to watch. Sienna came from the kitchen carrying a plate of her homemade cookies and smiled at the sight of her friend dressed up.

"Audrey, you look amazing! Isn't that the dress you wore when we did our Boston bucket list?"

She grinned at the memory of what was supposed to be their last hurrah in the city. "It is, but I thought it'd be nice to wear it again for my date tonight."

"Ramsey asked you out on a date? Tonight?" Jackie asked from her spot on the couch.

Various groans filled the room as Audrey nodded.

"Finally!" Jackie exclaimed. "Everyone, pay up. You each owe me a twenty. "

Bryce sighed, pulling out his wallet from his pocket. "God damn it, Lee. Why couldn't he have waited just one more week before he asked you out?"

"Quit complaining," Aurora said, tossing a kernel of popcorn from the bowl in her lap at Bryce's head. "At least you were close, my guess was way off."

Rafael shook his head as Elijah and Aurora both handed a twenty dollar bill over to Jackie. "How did you get it down to the day?"

Jackie smiled. "I'm a psychic, obviously."

"Hold up... Just how long has this bet about Ethan and I been going on?"

"Since everyone saw you kiss at The Hopeful Hearts Gala," Elijah replied.

"And thanks to you, I'm a hundred dollars richer." Jackie pocketed the small wad of cash and leaned back against the couch.

“Thank you, Sienna,” Audrey sighed as she wrapped the black shawl around her shoulders. “My only true friend for having the decency to not partake in this bet.”

Sienna smiled sheepishly as she placed her plate of cookies on the coffee table. Before sitting down on the couch, she pulled a folded twenty dollar bill from her pocket and handed it over to Jackie.

“I’m sorry, Audrey. Raf was the only one who didn’t bet,” Sienna said. “ Dr. Ramsey and I had an interesting talk on the car ride to…” Sienna’s voice wavered slightly and she trailed off before falling silent.

On the car ride to interrogate Travis Perry about the mystery substance he had released in the hospital.

Audrey immediately crossed the room to hug Sienna. It had been months since the incident had happened, but her best friend was still grieving the loss of Danny. Sienna wrapped her arms around Audrey before she pulled back and hastily rubbed at her eyes.

“I’m okay,” Sienna reassured. “Go and enjoy your date.”

Audrey squeezed her friend’s hand in her own before she let go. “Sienna is forgiven,” Audrey declared to the others. “Thank you, Raf. My true ride-or-die.”

Rafael, who was seated beside Bryce, spoke up. “I didn’t want to make any assumptions about your personal life.”

With the most dramatic stare she could muster, she glared and pointed at the others. “The rest of you. Thin ice.”

Several knocks at the door cut off any reply that followed. Opening the door, she found Ethan standing in the doorway, dressed in his suit. His eyes lit up as he looked up at Audrey.

“You look radiant,” Ethan said.

Audrey felt herself grin. “You’re looking pretty good yourself,” she replied.

“Ready?”

“Definitely.”

“Yo, Lee!” Bryce called from the couch before she could step forward. “Just a heads up, I’m crashing on your bed tonight once movie night runs late since you won’t be using yours.”

“OKAY! We are leaving before I strangle Bryce,” Audrey announced, taking the arm Ethan offered.

Bryce laughed as she shut the door behind them. “Anyone wanna bet if she’s coming home tonight?”

__________________________________

Twenty minutes later, the pair were seated inside an elegant Italian restaurant by the waterfront. Looking out the window, Audrey watched the bright lights of the city refract against the dark surface of the water.

“I’m a city girl, but I don’t think I could live anywhere that isn’t close to the water.”

Ethan raised a brow. “Why is that?”

Audrey glanced at the gentle waves before she turned to face him. “I find it calming. It reminds me that the world is big. Bigger than any problem I might be facing. Whenever I felt stressed, I would take the subway to Manhattan and just sit in Battery Park for hours to watch the boats in the harbour or watch the people pass by.”

“I believe you called it ‘people-watching’?”

Audrey was surprised. “You still remember that conversation at Derry Roasters?”

He nodded. “I do,” he said. He reached across the table and instinctively, she placed a hand in his palm. “You said I was lost. You didn’t even know about Naveen’s condition at the time, but somehow you knew something wasn’t right.”

Unable to resist teasing him, Audrey smirked. “If I remember correctly, you said I was only half-right.”

“I stand by that assessment.” His thumb traced the ridge of her knuckles. “What baffled me was how this infuriatingly stubborn intern with the potential to be an excellent doctor kept on surprising me.”

“Speaking of surprises…” she said. “Why a date? Why now?”

The thoughts about the uncertainty of their relationship that morning came crawling to the forefront of her mind again, but she held them back. The night had only begun and as much as their undefined status worried her, she was determined to start the night on the right foot. If there truly was no future for them, she at least wanted to enjoy the time they spent together.

“Well…”

His response was cut off as a waiter came to stop at their table. “Good evening. Can I start you two off with something to drink?”

“We’re catching a show after, would you like a drink?”

“We are? I guess I’ll just have some water.”

“Two waters, please,” Ethan ordered.

The waiter nodded and laid two menus on the table. “I’ll be back in a moment to take your orders then.”

“A show?” Audrey asked. “I thought we were just getting dinner.”

The genuine enthusiasm on Audrey’s face made Ethan grin. “I promised you a proper date. That entails dinner and a show. And if you’re not too tired, perhaps a walk along the esplanade?”

“I could be persuaded. What’s the show we’re seeing?”

He shrugged. “You’ll have to wait and see.”

Audrey pouted before an idea struck her. Slowly taking the black shawl off her shoulders which revealed the plunging neckline of the dress, she traced a finger down her neck to her collarbone. “Are you sure there’s no way I could convince you to tell me?” As her finger passed her collarbone, she slowed as she began to trail her finger down the exposed skin.

She felt him squeeze the hand that was still wrapped in his. “You are trying to kill me,” he replied as his gaze followed the path she traced. Gently, he lifted the hand in his and pressed a kiss to it. “As tempting as that offer is, I do believe you will appreciate the surprise.”

Sighing, she dropped the hand he wasn’t holding into her lap. “You win this time, Ramsey.”

__________________________________

As they got closer, Audrey could see the bright white marquee of the Opera House in the distance: L’Orfeo.

“The darkness of night,” Ethan translates for her. “It’s also the Italian and Spanish form of the name Orpheus.”

“As in Orpheus and Eurydice?” Audrey asked, immediately delighted.

“The very same.”

“When I had my Roman Mythology phase as a kid, I used to check out the same big book filled with various myths for months on end.” She had spent countless hours admiring the detailed illustrations and committing the words that filled the pages to her memory, carefully tracing every swooping letter with a finger. “It actually starts somewhat similarly to the first show we saw together.”

“Then tonight, I’ll rely on your expertise.” Entering the theatre, the pair made their way to his private box. They were seated for ten minutes before the house lights around them slowly dimmed and the curtain opened. On the stage, a woman dressed in red held a lyre.

“That’s the Spirit of Music. She’s saying through the power of music, she can calm any troubled heart. She introduces Orpheus of Thrace, who has the same ability as well. He’s the son of Apollo, the god of sunlight and music, and the muse Calliope, ” Audrey whispered to Ethan, their hands interlaced. As the opera progressed, Audrey explained the events of the story unfolding before them. The marriage of Orpheus and Eurydice and the tragic death of the young bride by snake bite that shortly followed. Orpheus, driven by his grief, embarking on a treacherous journey to the Underworld to bring back his lost love.

“Moved by his singing, Prosperina asks her husband, Pluto, to let Eurydice return to the living world with Orpheus. He agrees upon the condition that Orpheus has to lead Eurydice out of the Underworld, but he cannot look back to see if she is following. Orpheus begins the journey, confident that he will be reunited with Eurydice the moment they leave the Underworld, but…”

Audrey swallowed past the lump that suddenly formed in her throat.

“But then doubt comes in. He thinks Pluto is envious of his love. Maybe Pluto is tricking him.” As a sudden noise sounds from off-stage, the actor playing Orpheus turned around to face his Eurydice. His face morphed from happiness to regret in a flash as Eurydice smiled back at him sadly. “Orpheus sees Eurydice. She was behind him the whole time. She begins to fade away and Orpheus is forced out of the Underworld alone.

“This final act deviates from the myth. Apollo comes from the heavens and tells him not to fall victim to his anger and grief. He invites Orpheus to join him. Eurydice won’t be there, but beauty like hers can be found in the stars. Orpheus accepts.”

As the chorus gathered on the stage for the finale, Audrey looked away. Staring into the dark sea of audience members, she took a moment to collect her thoughts.

Building up her courage, she turned to the man beside her, but before she could say a word Ethan’s hand slipped out of her grasp. Audrey jumped slightly in her seat as the audience around them started clapping for the performance.

By the time the house lights turned on, she had lost her nerve.

__________________________________

Although autumn was right around the corner, the weather had been lovely for the past week. Despite the lack of chilly weather, Audrey held the black shawl tightly around herself as she and Ethan walked along the Charles River Esplanade.

Her eyes were drawn to the shining lights of a boat further in the distance. Audrey didn’t even notice that her steps had slowed to a stop as Ethan paused to look at her.

“Are you all right?” he asked. “You haven’t said a word since we left the theatre.”

Shaking herself out of a trance, Audrey nodded and laughed, but even she could hear that it was far too hollow sounding. “I’m fine. I must be more tired than I thought.”

“I can drive you back to your apartment, but that doesn’t explain why you’ve been staring at the river for so long.”

She sighed, a wry grin twisting her lips. “I shouldn’t have told you what my tell was.”

Stepping in front of her, Ethan tilted her chin so that he could look into her eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“I-it’s just…” Audrey had to close her eyes for a moment. One breath in, one breath out. The same blue eyes she had seen that morning— the ones she thought she could spend an eternity staring into—suddenly felt like a tsunami that threatened to swallow her. “Ethan, what are we doing?”

The moment she saw Ethan’s eyebrows furrow and the hurt look cross his face, Audrey groaned internally. Barely a second in and she had already stuck her foot in her own mouth. “I phrased that horribly,” she said. Placing a hand by his clenched jaw, her thumb grazed his cheek until she felt the tension he held there ease. “What I meant was, what are we? These last few weeks have been amazing. I can’t describe the happiness I feel when I wake up in your arms, but I also love those moments we just spend together whether we’re making dinner or just having a quiet night in. I don’t think I need to explain how much I enjoy the physical aspects of our relationship…”

She swallowed a shaky breath. “But if that’s all this relationship is-”

“You know it isn’t.” he immediately replied, placing his warm hand on top of hers.

Audrey shook her head. “Do I?”

“I meant every word I said. I don’t want to hide and I’m done pretending.”

“When I was considering a residency in New York, you didn’t say a word.”

“I didn’t want to influence you. I wanted you to make the best decision for your career.”

“And what would we have done? A long-distance whatever-we-are? You're Ethan Ramsey. You’re a world renowned diagnostician for Christ’s sake. You wouldn’t have any trouble finding another position in Boston,” she huffed.

Looking into her eyes, he said, “It’s simple. I would have gone with you.”

She froze. She was certain she had misheard him. “What?”

“As much as I despise idolatry among physicians,” he said. “I wouldn’t be above using my reputation to get a position in the same city.”

“But your whole life is here in Boston.”

“But you wouldn’t have been here.” Ethan cupped her face in his hands, pressing a gentle kiss against her temple and then to a tear-stained cheek. “I need you, Audrey. I know I’m not the most articulate when it comes to my emotions, but know that you’re important to me.”

The sincerity of his voice caused the tears she had been holding back to fall. Wrapped in his embrace, she let the last of her doubts drift away from the recesses of her heart.

__________________________________

All I've ever known is how to hold my own

But now I wanna hold you, too.

__________________________________

Author's Note: Originally this fic was called "Good as Gold" (also based on song lyrics) and was gonna have more smut content, but I might write that and make it a sequel to this instead. 😏

[magicpotatoobsession]

GIVEN: My Thoughts on the Anime and the Movie [SPOILERS]

EDIT 2024: this blog was made back in 2021 and now 3 years later it’s still has me on a chokehold

It's currently 11:46pm and I should be going to bed but I just got up to date with everything in Given and I know that I cannot sleep unless I got my thoughts down about this anime because holy fuck it might be an all time favourite. Also I'm currently listening to the entire OST as I'm writing this blog, this is how you know I'm too deep in the fandom.

This anime gave me so many feels. You see, this is why it's dangerous for a musician to watch a good music anime, it's too relatable, that's why I haven't even began to touch Your Lie In April, and not sure if I ever will. But I will say that Given is probably my favourite music-romance anime out of all the music-romance anime I have watched thus far and I will be drawing lots of comparison between Given and other music-romance anime that I've watched.

PLOT

This anime is for the most part, paced so perfectly. It leaves little clues for you to learn about a character's attributes and their past. There is just the perfect distribution of showing and telling, flashbacks feel natural rather than extended over elongated periods of time. This is where Kono Oto Tomare! paled in comparison. But I do want to talk about the two anime for a quick second. I did like how in Kono Oto Tomare!, music was the fore-theme and romance was secondary because we really got to dive deeper into the difficulties of rehearsals, practice, ensemble coordination etc. Given had romance as the fore-theme that utilised music as a metaphor for complexities of relationships and delved less into the specifics of music itself but relationships between the characters. The metaphors are so perfect though, especially the strings, especially now thinking back when Ue replaced the old snapped strings on the Gibson was symbolic of Mafuyu slowly being able to move on from Yuki.

Not gonna lie, I wished there were slightly more rehearsal scenes where we got to hear excerpts of the main songs leading up to their final epic performance but in the case of Given, I totally can see why the author/director held off on showing the audience any main parts of the musical performance until that final pivotal moment in Episode 9 and also 3/4 in the Given Movie. The musical performances in Given are PURE CATHARSIS, prioritising the emotional release of a everything that was pent-up for ages before it explodes. So in this case, I can respect them holding rehearsal music off until those epic moments. Of course, as a musician, I still wished maybe they still delved a little bit more into the technicalities of music itself, and maybe slightly less reliant on the theme of 'genius'. But for 11 episodes, for what it's worth, they packed so much that short space of time, I really don't have that many complaints.

What I am so absolutely in love with this anime is that it is just the perfect balance of funny, heartfelt, excitement and then amidst the youthfulness of band practise, there is this inherent darkness. I don't know how they do it. While anime like [b]Nana[/b] has funny moments, there is a very serious undertone kind of from the get go and you sort of know you're going to be in for an emotional rollercoaster, but with Given it almost creeps up on you and the next thing you know is you are on the verge of tears by Episode 9.

Dialogue is just so brilliantly written in the show. One of my favourite lines is what they described about loneliness, I think it was "The name of the bus stop. The colour of the sweat shirt I was wearing that day. The phrases and words that was popular to our conversation at that time. They slowly fade away. Ahhh That's loneliness. For the first time that day, I felt it on the stage." Especially those bits in italics, oh my goodness, so true, you forget how you speak to a loved one overtime, this even applies to forgotten friendships. Fuck it hits me deep in the feels man.

CHARACTER

I literally have so much I want to say about every single character in this show, please pray that I'll get to sleep in the next hour. But oh my goodness, the deep and complex characterisation in Given is what makes it completely stand out from any other romance anime. It literally makes my heart physically ache so much.

Given

Let's start with Mafuyu, once again tying to my earlier point, he looks like such a harmless cinnamon roll that I was not emotionally prepared for the darkness that actually resided inside of him. He is such a well-written character, he is emotionally repressed due to his abusive father and every time he seemed to express his emotion, something bad happens, especially looking back at his outburst with Yuki. In a sense, I think he has anxious attachment style from experiencing abandonment and abuse from his father, hence he had that fight with Yuki. He started music because he couldn't let go of Yuki, because of grief, but then through music, he found himself and a safe space for him to express himself without negative consequences, he found joy under the stage lights. And he found Uenoyama, who supported him no matter what. The only thing I think I wished the anime included was just a short 10 second scene where he was by himself and maybe had a monologue with Yuki. For a childhood best friend turned ex that passed away, I felt like just one more scene between the two of them, just needed a bit more closure, not a flashback but something a bit more present, like Mafuyu instead of carrying the Gibson in front of his arms, he carries it on his back. It will not only show that he has overcome his loneliness, but it then becomes a much clearer sense of moving forward because I did feel like from Mafuyu wrapping up his grief with Yuki to him going out with Ue was a bit too quick. I'm just thinking back to Full Moon wo Sagashite where the main girl literally was in depression for so long when she found out that her loved one died (a little too long), but it's only natural though and then when she slowly realised her love for the main guy, it felt a lot more resolute and grounded. I also really love how although softspoken and introverted, Mafuyu is surprisingly bold, especially when asking Ue out and Ue to stay when he's sick. This boy has guts! Also this boy is surprisingly perceptive as well, especially in the movie!

Uenoyama, he's such a tsundere but in the most wholesome way possible. He's a very kind person which I think is what made Mafuyu like him. Also I love the subversion compared to most other BL anime where the more 'masculine guy' is more aloof and cold but Ue is just gay panicking throughout the entire anime and I honestly live for it. I love how he recognises his jealousy, helps Mafuyu finish the song that technically Mafuyu and Yuki started together to give him closure, kind of an idiot for kissing Mafuyu right after such an emotional song but thankfully and humorously realises that it was kind of wrong and is otherwise for the most part, really caring and really encouraging. We stan a healthy shounen-ai relationship. OMFG, that "It's mutual" scene was so freaking hilarious, it reminded me of all of the Kyoko demons making decisions from Skip Beat!

Ue's mental farewell party vs. Kyoko's demons

Yuki, oh my freaking goodness, my heart aches for that boy. I know we only have 11 episodes, but I really wanted to know more about how he became the way he did and how he got into music. He's definitely Robin Williams sort of character, sunshine on the outside and darkness on the inside and hints of mental illness were scattered throughout the flashbacks. To be honest, I really really loved Yuki and Mafuyu's dynamic, the little moments they shared are so incredibly precious but mental illness was the ultimate killer and it's just so sad because we see this happen way too much even in real life. I like their dynamic so much because they seem to be in their own little world but I think Ue brings a new fire in Mafuyu that can be shared with the rest of the world. But to be honest, if Yuki came back by some miracle of the divine, I honestly wouldn't know who I would ship more. But in my little memory bubble, in my little time capsule, I'd just want Yuki and Mafuyu to exist for a little longer.

Hiiragi also deserves a special mention even though he is a side character. I really enjoyed the author's/director's inclusion of the paralysis of a friend dealing with a someone going through mental illness and someone dealing with anxious attachment style. Him asking for forgiveness and resuming a friendship with Mafuyu is just the wholesome friendship we need more of in today's society. The thing is, it's hard, it's hard to support people with mental illness! It's even harder when they are in their own little world, it feels like there is not much one can say. I really commend on the author and director for tackling such complex topics.

Given Movie

Haruki is just a cinnamon roll, he just deserves the entire world. I don't care what anyone says. His kindness is boundless. He is literally mum. The scene where Akihiko made a coerced non-consensual move on Haruki honestly made me so uncomfortable and is probably what made me rate the movie slightly lower than the anime. My heart absolutely ached for Haruki, when he ran away crying when Akihiko emotionally barred him away even when it was Haruki everytime that offer him a place to stay and formed the band with him when he was on the verge of quitting music. Haruki deserves a Nobel Peace Prize or something, there is no purer bean on the planet. Really great for him that things worked out but I swear in Aki hurts him in any way later on I SWEAR TO GOD....

Akihiko is interesting. At first, I really disliked his character. A clear womaniser, a character with a clear inferiority complex that literally was the main cause of the break-up between him and Ugetsu. And then I realised the reason I really disliked his character was because I saw a bit of myself in him. The moment the Given Movie started, I thought to myself "Oh No.... I'm really going to relate to the love Hate that comes from falling for someone that's in the music industry". This love-hate or I guess inferiority complex is so incredibly painful and so relatable. You admire someone so much but because you also love music so much and as a musician, the line between where you start and where music starts is very blurred, your identity and music is almost as one, your emotion is the emotion in your music so when someone's better than you in music, it's like someone repeatingly stabbing you in your heart but at the same time, music is something you love, so you feel so much awe and wonder when you hear someone play music so beautifully. This self-contradiction that Akihiko feels cannot be put into words. As annoyed as I am at him because he literally sort of caused Ugetsu to realised that Akihiko is losing his passion for music because of all these conflicting emotions, it's just such a relatable thing for me as a composer. Also the very fact that Ugetsu seems to travel alot for work probably also made Akihiko very lonely and things just got more and more toxic as they were unable to pull away from one another.

What I absolutely loved in the end was Akihiko's change, he hurt Haruki so much, he lashes out when he's hurt and acts selfish and I REALLY appreciated that he asked for consent before touching Haruki in the final confession scene. That was so brilliant. It's really great that he was able to find joy and love in music again. I'm currently also trying to find joy and love in music as well so I hope that I can also find someone who can be on this journey with me.

And finally we have Ugetsu. My heart aches for him so so so much. This success and brilliance of a great musician is a tier of loneliness that very few will understand. Ugetsu loves Akihiko and music but he saw that his very presence was causing so much pain for Akihiko's self-esteem so he tried to tear away. But he didn't have the guts to completely do so which is why they just keep hurting each other even post-break up. Even though he acts aloof, this boy just wants what was best for Akihiko but when he finally left, it hurt like hell, but Mafuyu's song made him realise that he'll be ok. Fuck man, this is unfortunately the life of many musicians, music is such a large part of our livelihood, we chase it and chase it until all of our loved ones can no longer keep up with us so we let them go and watch them from afar with a soft smile. Our memories of those times spent together become memorialised in the music that we create. And in turn, it inspires and brings joy to others while we watch from afar. That's how it feels like to me to be a musician sometimes. Sometimes I wonder if the sacrifice is really worth it.

SOUND

OP and ED grew on me. By the end of the anime I really liked them. But of course the stand out music is the entire OST of the anime. Once again I think Given is the perfect example of "simple is perfect", like if you carefully listen to some of the tracks, it's so simple but it allows your to really focus on the dialogue and the pacing and what the characters are trying to tell you rather than Kono Oto Tomare! where the music often felt too dramatic and emotionally prescriptive. But I hear a few violin harmonics and careful treatment of certain main themes so Given's music is definitely well carefully thought out crafted provides such a relaxing yet sometimes hauntingly nostalgic and painful atmosphere.

The voice acting of Uenoyama and Haruki are so adorable when they gay panic and I've got to give it to Mafuyu for wonderfully showing the progression of an amateur to a good singer.

ANIMATION

Gorgeous gorgeous colours. Especially all of the scenes of the band practice rooms and the stage performances, the night scenes. I don't know the budget for this anime but I could definitely tell a lot of care went into any musical performances whether on the violin or on stage.

Sometimes I saw a bit of inconsistency with the linework in some close-up and far-away shots of characters but this is so minute I literally don't even care.

This anime is I seriously believe, revolutionary in its genre. I've never seen such healthy shounen-ai representation in an anime before and such wonderfully complex characters. This will be a top favourite, I know I'll be rewatching this alot and referring a lot of my friends to watch this. What an incredibly underrated anime.