#feel free to correct me it's been a while since I tried to compile everything lol

[game-weaver]

Headcanon: The Courts

The fae realm is separated into nine courts with a focus on balance and order.

The seasonals, which reside and rule over the seasonal changes, their power grows and fades with the flow of the year and each court has specialty magic they tend to be strongest in. For instance magic regarding growth and nature tends to be a specialty of Spring and Summer while frost and illusionary magic is specific to Autumn and Winter.

Spring- Queen (currently unnamed) Summer/Seelie- King Oberon Autumn- Erlking Winter/Unseelie- Queen Mab

((this ended up being far too long so I’m putting the rest under read more to keep the dash tidy))

Then there are the Celestial courts with keep balance with the passage of time. These courts are older than the seasons, older than many of the already long-lived fae remember, including the current ruling Royals. Their power is much stronger as they are ancient and draw strength from what they are connected to. Day to the sun, Night to the moon, etc.

Day Night Dawn Dusk

Lastly there is the youngest of the courts. It is not held by the same need for balance and order as the others. Indeed, it manifested with the rise of humans and the fading out of many magical beings. 

Clockwork- Queen Lorelei 

Once iron and humans became a larger threat than they anticipated to the lives of the fae, the Clockwork court came into being. These fae are unnatural as they don’t have a weakness to iron like the traditional old fae do, they seem to be an amalgamation of organic and brassy contraptions. Their only duty is to protect the other courts from humans and other threats that pose a risk. 

Creatures:

Many creatures that once were abundant and have now faded to myth and legend also left the human realm and sought safety in the fae realm. Many creatures also fall under one specific court that they call home. For example, the Wulver fae which inspired a lot of werewolf myths stay in Winters kingdom and are the main guards there, while Centaurs are main border guards for Summers kingdom. Likewise, Night is a ruler of dragons, so dragons tend to stay in his kingdom, and so on and so forth. 

TLDR: There are nine fae courts, each with specifics to them and many creatures, not just fae, now call the fae realm their home. It has become a mixing pot of magical creatures all with the purpose of being protected from humans. It’s its own entire world parallel to and separated from humans so they can survive.

[mt-words]

Can we get some dream smp fandom positivity posts? As someone who posts mostly analysis and has never once had someone say anything rude in response, I think we perceive the fanbase as more toxic than it is because of a few outspoken individuals. Y'all are pretty chill and I like you.

In no particular order-

I love that Eret’s fans come up with such cool theories, I swear she could give you two sentences of lore and I could see three five page essays on what it could mean about their character within an hour and each of them is unique, intricate, and makes logical sense.

I love the compilations Foolish fans make of him doing ridiculous things on stream, he’s a fun guy that never fails to make me laugh and everything I see from them embodies that energy to me.

I love how creative Hannah’s fans are, you take the awesome ideas she has and turn them into the most amazing designs and concepts.

I love that Techno’s fans might write a ten page essay about his character or just say they enjoy watching him do crime, and you never know which it will be because both come from the same people.

I love how Philza’s fans embrace everything he does with so much enthusiasm. His chat is a flock of crows? Excellent, they can work with that, you will see fifty incredible pieces of art and a hundred theories in the first hour and they’re just getting started.

I love that Niki’s fans are so careful to pay attention and not miss any details. It has been ages and I still see occasional mentions and theories about the “Dear Friend” letter.

I love that Fundy’s fans are very empathetic, they love to find and elaborate on the connections between characters and that’s pretty cool!

I love Tommy’s fans for their energy. They seem passionate about making things right and hopeful that no matter what your situation is things can get better. I’ve seen so many breathtakingly emotional art pieces from this side of the fandom.

I love that George’s fans unapologetically simp for him but then catch me off guard by making deep insights about his character.

I love how Bad’s fans are as genuinely sweet as he is, they’re willing to really look at everything that makes up a character and see the tragedy of it and have compassion about things. And some just want to see an egg rule the server, c'mon, it would be funny.

I love the running gag with Skeppy fans of making Skeppy critical posts, y’all are hilarious.

I love how Purpled fans play up his lack of lore as him being an incredibly powerful cryptid, and they’re right. He totally carried the wither fight on Nov 16th.

I love the balance Quackity fans have between a love of humor, justice, and darker topics. I think like Quackity they are often underestimated and thought of as the jokester side of the fandom to an extent, and then I start reading things they write and it’s well thought out and insightful.

I love that Tubbo’s fans love chaos, cute things, or both to an unhealthy extent. Seeing anything from them reminds me of princess unikitty in all the best ways, and then they turn around and throw a super in depth meaningful analysis at me in the next breath.

I love everything about Sapnap’s fans. Y'all are perfect. The writing and art from the born in fire line? Gold.

I love how Jschlatt fans are generally chill and just enjoy whatever they want to. Their favorite Manburg president was the one who publicly executed his right hand man and gave Dream a resurrection book for firepower, and he looked good doing it.

I love that Callahan has fans. You people are dedicated and I respect it. The fact that Callahan was one of the first names to pop up when everyone was trying to figure out who Harpocrates was even though he rarely involves himself with plot? Your influence knows no bounds.

I love that Alyssa’s fans are simply too powerful. She hasn’t played on the smp since way before I started watching and there are still people defending her barn and drawing pictures of her.

I love that Antfrost’s fans have taken so many ideas and just ran with them and made them awesome. Like him practicing magic? Perfect, he now carries potions and gets a wizard hat.

I love that Dream fans look at a character who has been portrayed as pure evil from many points of view and understand that Everyone has motives based on their situation, even if it isn’t handed to us in an easily understood way.

I love how Jack’s fans are so ready to support any action he takes. Crawling out of hell? Incredible. Killing a child? Good for him! Go team Rocket. Grieving the same child? Learning healthy coping, he’s the coolest.

I love that Connor eats Pants fans are the most reasonable people in this fandom. This is terrifying. Thank you for your service, you always make me smile.

I love that Punz fans unapologetically just love their capitalist mercenary. As they should, his presence always tips the scales and everything he does brings more depth to the characters and plots he interacts with.

I love how much Ranboo fans love complexity. Most of them aren’t afraid to admit that their favorite characters are flawed, because aren’t those flaws what make them interesting and relatable?

I love the variety of Hbomb fans. Half of them may be embracing the cat maid bit while the other half goes on about how impactful and cool L’cast is, but they’re all super chill.

I appreciate that Puffy fans take the time to understand so many perspectives. So many posts I see involving her tie in lore from other characters and find interesting ways to connect them and build them together, kind of like Puffy herself.

I love that Wilbur fans seem to approach the story like they’re solving a puzzle, carefully piecing together details from months apart to figure out how and why everything goes down.

I love how hard Ponk fans work to spread awareness of how awesome he is. Ponk says and does wonderful things and is very fun to watch. I never would have tried his content without them.

I love that Karl fans saw him wanting to be involved and started coming up with such cool ideas around his character that they actually made them canon. Correct me if I’m wrong, wasn’t the time traveler thing a fan theory at first?

I love the creativity Sam fans have with his design and their willingness to discuss complex moral issues. Sam is involved in some heavy lore stuff but he and his fans keep things entertaining and calm.

I’m sure I missed some things, please feel free to add on!

[sixcostumerefs]

Six Queens' Self-Identified Race, Ethnicity, and Nationality

MOST RECENT UPDATE: Aug 2024 with Japanese tour

I’ve noticed that there’s been some conflicting info about different queens’ racial, ethnic, or national heritage and identity. I did some research and compiled a list of the queens’ identities as they themselves describe it in one of three places: - on social media - on their resumés - in interviews. If you know of any info I’ve left out and you can link me to a source for it that comes directly from a queen (NOT including the “appearance” category on Spotlight), please feel free to link it to me. Additionally, I’m happy to link to any of my sources that are currently up online for anyone who would like them. I also want to thank @lightleckrereins, who provided additional insight and feedback about Latino vs Hispanic identities and distinctions.

Notes about this list: - Since I only am including things the queens have said publicly (and that I could personally verify as having been posted publicly), there are many gaps. The most verifiable way to access this information is via resumés, but some queens don’t have any of this info listed on resumés and there are issues with some of the resumé systems themselves that make this info unclear at times. Just keep this in mind and understand that what is represented publicly may be far more simplistic and less nuanced than what the queens might truly identify as. - For consistency’s sake I used the term for people from a particular country rather than the specific country (e.x.: Welsh instead of Wales). I did my best with the ones I didn’t know based off of an internet search, but please correct me if I’m wrong on any of them! - Written nationality doesn’t necessarily mean the queen themself was born or even has ever lived there; it may be their heritage instead. - Some resumés/posts/bios have been deleted or edited since I compiled this list. I can confirm that everything on here is something that I saw while it was up myself and is not secondhand info, but if something has been changed or taken down I won’t be able to link to those.

Notes on the resumé systems used:

- The UK resume system uses “appearance” as a category for different racial and ethnic backgrounds. While it’s sometimes used for actual race/ethnicity, it’s also commonly used for race/ethnicity they can “appear” as rather than the race(s)/ethnicit(y/ies) they truly are. It’s also commonly managed and edited by their agents rather than the actors themselves. With that in mind, I generally tried to only include that information if I could also verify it somewhere else.

-Backstage (American) includes “Latino/Hispanic” in their list of terms that someone can check off. The two terms are often conflated, but there is distinction between these two terms: “Hispanic” refers to someone from a Spanish-speaking country (both Spain and in Latin America), while Latino refers to anyone from Latin America (which includes Mexico, Central America, South America, and some Caribbean) and includes people from countries in those regions that don’t predominantly speak Spanish (like Brazil). The resumés just listing “Latino/Hispanic” has led to the queendom sometimes mistakenly considering Hispanic queens as Latino or vise versa. When clarification has been clearly made, I note them as “Latino” and/or “Hispanic” rather than “Latino/Hispanic.” 

- Spotlight (UK system) only includes British. For queens in England, Scotland, Northern Ireland, and Wales, it doesn’t give them the option to distinguish. For the queens who exclusively identify themselves as Scottish/Welsh/Northern Irish or Irish on their social media but as British on their resumés per that system, I left British off of their list and just included Scottish, Welsh, and Northern Irish or Irish per however they describe themselves.

- The resumé systems are ultimately a checklist of terms. Inherently they will lack nuance. They also use some classifications that may be considered out of date or have ongoing debates surrounding them, such as “White/European,” “Mediterranean,” and “Middle Eastern.” However, because resumés are usually the most consistent source of information and I wanted to keep this post specifically to how the actors themselves described their identity, I’m including those same terms.

Student Cast:  Ashleigh Weir: British; white Holly Musgrave: British; white  Oliver Wickham: British  Annabel Marlow: British; white. There have been additional references by her sibling, Toby Marlow, to their mother and maternal grandparents being Jewish. Shimali de Silva: Hong Konger/Hong Kongese, British, American, Australian, Sri Lankan

Original Arts Theatre/Studio Recording Cast:  Renée Lamb: British, Barbadian; Black Christina Modestou: Welsh, Greek; Mediterranean, white; lives in Scotland Natalie May Paris: British; white Genesis Lynea: Bermudian Izuka Hoyle: Scottish, Nigerian; Black, mixed race. Izuka’s sister has specified that their mother is Nigerian and their father is white.

1st UK Tour/Original West End: Jarnéia Richard Noel: British, Grenadian, from Trinidad and Tobago; mixed race Millie O’Connell: British; Italian, Irish, Maltese; white, Mediterranean Natalie May Paris: British; white Alexia McIntosh: British, Jamaican Maiya Quansah Breed: British, Ghanaian, Barbadian; Black Grace Mouat: British; half-Burmese; East Asian; mixed race Vicki Manser: white Courtney Stapleton: Black (Caribbean), white; mixed race

2019 West End additions: Courtney Bowman: half-white and half-Afro European, Black Vicki Manser: white Sophie Isaacs: white Danielle Steers: Black, white; mixed race Collette Guitart: Spanish, English; White, Mediterranean, Hispanic* Zara MacIntosh: Black Cherelle Jay: British; non-white Hana Stewart: British. Race/ethnicity is unclear, but possibly Middle Eastern. Jennifer Caldwell: British; white

2021 West End cast change: Amy Di Bartolomeo: Italian; implied to be white Amanda Lindgren: Swedish, South Korean; Asian Claudia Kariuki: Kenyan; Black Dionne Ward-Anderson: Sierra Leonean; Black Tsemaye Bob-Egbe: British, Nigerian; Black Meesha Turner: Black/Black African/Black Caribbean, White, Mixed. Possibly Jamaican but not totally clear. Rachel Rawlinson: British; White Esme Rothero: British; white, Middle Eastern Paisley Billings: Black Danielle Rose: British; White Roxanne Couch: American (specifically Californian), New Zealander; white, Maori; biracial/mixed race Harriet Watson: British; white

2022 West End cast change: Rhianne-Louise McCaulsky: Barbadian, Jamaican; Black Baylie Carson: Caucasian Claudia Kariuki: Kenyan; Black Dionne Ward-Anderson: Sierra Leonean; Black Koko Basigara: Scottish, Ugandan; Mixed, Black/Black African/Black Caribbean, Greek Roxanne Couch: American (specifically Californian), New Zealander; white, Maori; biracial/mixed race Rachel Rawlinson: British; White Esme Rothero: British; white, Middle Eastern Monique Ashe-Palmer: British; mixed-race/multiracial Danielle Rose: British; White Leah Vassell: British; Black; mixed race Harriet Watson: British; white

2023-25 West End cast change: Nikki Bentley: White Thao Therese Nguyen: Vietnamese, British Kayleigh McKnight: Scottish; White Caitlin Tipping: Scottish; White Reca Oakley: British; Black Inez Budd: British, French; mixed race; French, Algerian, British, Liberian Janiq Charles: Trinidadian, British; Black Gabriella Stylianou: half-Cypriot Naomi Alade: British; Black Hannah Lowther: British; White Meg Dixon-Brasil: British, Portuguese; White Natalie Pilkington: British Danielle Rose: British; White Hana Stewart: British. Race/ethnicity is unclear, but possibly Middle Eastern.

2nd UK Tour/3rd UK and Ireland Tour: Lauren Drew: Welsh; white Maddison Bulleyment: British; white Carly Dyer: Black Lauren Byrne: British; white Caitlin Tipping: Scottish; White Shekinah McFarlane: British, Jamaican; Black Jodie Steele: white (possibly Scandinavian) Vicki Manser: white Athena Collins: Black, implied Afro-Caribbean or mixed Elèna Gyasi: half-Spanish, half-Ghanaian; mixed race Cassandra Lee: Black; implied Jamaican Jennifer Caldwell: British; white Harriet Watson: British; white Natalie Pilkington: British Alicia Corrales-Connor: Spanish, Scottish; White, Hispanic* 

2022-2023 UK Tour: Chloe Hart: Cornish; white Jennifer Caldwell: British; white Casey Al-Shaqsy: British, half French and German; Black, Arab, mixed race Aiesha Naomi Pease: Black; multiracial Jessica Niles: Black Jaina Brock-Patel: British, Indian; White, Indian, mixed race; Desi Rebecca Wickes: British; white Alana Robinson: American; Black, possibly specifically African-American and/or Afro-Caribbean Harriet Caplan-Dean: British, Liechtensteiner, Israeli; Jewish, mixed Ashkenazi/Sefardi Grace Melville: South African; Black Leesa Tulley: Scottish; Glaswegian; White Natalie Pilkington: British Harriet Watson: British; white

2023-2024 UK Tour: Nicole Louise Lewis: implied Black, potentially referenced Muslim or Turkish background but unclear Laura Dawn Pyatt: British; White Erin Caldwell: Scottish; White Kenedy Small: Black - Caribbean Lou Henry: British; White Aoife Haakenson: American; Taiwanese; based in Singapore, London, and the US; also lists herself as living in Jakarta (Indonesia) and Hong Kong Ellie Jane Grant: British; mixed race Izi Maxwell: British; White; born in Hong Kong, grew up in Hertfordshire, family from Liverpool Tamara Morgan: British, Jamaican; Black Shakira Simpson: Black Natalie Pilkington: British

2024-2025 UK Tour: Billie Kerr: Scottish; white Yna Tresvalles: American, Filipino; Asian Liberty Stottor: white Hannah Victoria: British; Black (possibly Black-Caribbean and mixed race) Lizzie Emery: British; white Eloise Lord: British Milly Willows: Welsh; white Erin Summerhayes: Welsh; white Lorren Santo-Quinn: British; possibly White/Asian/Hispanic Izzy Formby-Jackson: British; white

1st North American Tour/Broadway:  Adrianna Hicks: Black Andrea Macasaet: Filipino-Canadian Brittney Mack: Black Samantha Pauly: Puerto Rican, Navajo**; Native American, Latino* Anna Uzele: Puerto Rican, Congolese (specifically the Democratic Republic of Congo); Black/African, Latino/Hispanic*, Afro-Latino* Shantel Cribbs: Black/African Mallory Maedke: White/European Nicole Kyoung-Mi Lambert: Afro-Korean (more info here)

2020-2022 Broadway additions: Bre Jackson: Black Keri Rene Fuller: White/European Joy Woods: Black, Southeast Asian/Pacific Islander Brennyn Lark: Black Keirsten Hodgens: Black Holli’ Conway: Black Ayla Ciccone-Burton: Black Kelly Denice Taylor: Nigerian; Black Cassie Silva: Latina; Mexican descent Hana Stewart: British. Race/ethnicity is unclear, but possibly Middle Eastern. Marilyn Caserta: Italian, Cuban; Chicana; White/European, Latino*

2022-2023 Broadway: Hailee Kaleem Wright: Black Khaila Wilcoxon: Black Leandra Ellis Gaston: Black Nasia Thomas: Black Zoe Jensen: Filipina Taylor Iman Jones: Black Holli’ Conway: Black Ayla Ciccone-Burton: Black Kristina Leopold: mixed, person of color; Black, white, AAPI; British, Irish, French, Nigerian, Ghanian, South African, Chinese, Thai, Indian Aubrey Matalon: Jewish Marilyn Caserta: Italian, Cuban; Chicana; White/European, Latino* Cassie Silva: Latina; Mexican descent

2023-2024 Broadway: Khaila Wilcoxon: Black Storm Lever: Black Jasmine Forsberg: Filipino; also Swedish, German, and Polish  Olivia Donalson: Black Didi Romero: Puerto Rican/Boricua; Latina*; multiracial, white/European, Middle Eastern Gabriela Francesca Carrillo: first gen Mexican-American; Latina*; multiracial, white, indigenous Ayla Ciccone-Burton: Black Kristina Leopold: mixed, person of color; Black, white, AAPI; British, Irish, French, Nigerian, Ghanian, South African, Chinese, Thai, Indian Aubrey Matalon: Jewish  Sierra Fermin: Filipina Jenny Mollet: Swiss, American; Black Cassie Silva: Latina; Mexican descent Wesley Carpenter: White

2022-2023 North American Tour (Aragon Cast): Khaila Wilcoxon: Black Storm Lever: Black Jasmine Forsberg: Filipino; also Swedish, German, and Polish Natalie May Paris: British; white Olivia Donalson: Black Didi Romero: Puerto Rican/Boricua; Latina*; multiracial, white/European, Middle Eastern Gabriela Francesca Carrillo: first gen Mexican-American; Latina*; multiracial, white, indigenous Erin Palmer Ramirez: Peruana-American; Latina*, multiracial, white/European, indigenous; white Latina Kelly Denice Taylor: Nigerian; Black Kelsee Kimmel: White Cassie Silva: Latina; Mexican descent Marilyn Caserta: Italian, Cuban; Chicana; White/European, Latino*

2022-2023 North American Tour (Boleyn Cast): Gerianne Pérez: Puerto Rican Amina Faye: Black Terica Marie: Black Aline Mayagoitia: Mexicana/Mexican; Texan Sydney Parra: Puerto Rican descent Adriana Scalice: Peruvian/Italian, Latina Cecilia Snow: Black, White; mixed race Kelly Denice Taylor: Nigerian; Black Jana Larell Glover: Black Aryn Bohannon: White/European, Irish Taylor Pearlstein: Polish-Canadian, Jewish; White/European Marilyn Caserta: Italian, Cuban; Chicana; White/European, Latino* Cassie Silva: Latina; Mexican descent Wesley Carpenter: White 2024 North American Tour (Boleyn Cast): Kristina Leopold: mixed, person of color; Black, white, AAPI; British, Irish, French, Nigerian, Ghanian, South African, Chinese, Thai, Indian Cassie Silva: Latina; Mexican descent Kelly Denice Taylor: Nigerian; Black Danielle Mendoza: Filipina; multiracial; Asian, Latina/Hispanic*, Southeast Asian/Pacific Islander Alizé Ke’Aloha Cruz: Filipino, Mexican; multiracial; White/European, Asian, Latino/Hispanic Adriana Scalice: Peruvian/Italian, Latina Amaya White: Black Carlina Parker: Panamanian, American; Black Aryn Bohannon: White/European, Irish Taylor Sage Evans: White/European Wesley Carpenter: White

Canadian cast: Jaz Robinson: Black, mixed Kelsee Kimmel: White Krystal Hernandez: Puerto Rican; Latinx Elysia Cruz: Filipino-Canadian Lauren Mariasoosay: Canadian; South Asian, MENASA, AANHPI; South Indian, Polynesian (French Polynesia), Malaysian, Spanish, Cambodian; mixed-race. “south asian + poly/indonesian” Hailey Lewis: Afro-Canadian, Black Abigail Sparrow: White/European

2020 and 2021-23 Australia Tour:  Chloé Zuel: Mauritian-Australian (Mauritia in the Indian Ocean, NOT Mauritanian from Mauritania as is often stated) Phoenix Jackson Mendoza: Australian, Filipino, Trinidadian on Twitter; Filipino, Ghanaian, Brazilian, Australian on Instagram. Her mother referred to herself as German-Australian and Filipino while her aunt referred to herself as being Hong Kong-born and Filipino/Pinay, and described Phoenix’s grandparents as also being English and Spanish. Please note that just because a parent or grandparent identifies with a specific nationality or diaspora does not necessarily mean that Phoenix does. Kala Gare: half-Italian Kiana Daniele: Italian-Australian Courtney Monsma: Australian; White/European Chelsea Dawson: Australian, French Vidya Makan: “South African with Indian heritage”; Desi Karis Oka: Japanese-Australian; Eurasian Shannen Alyce Quan: biracial, mixed-race; Eurasian Ella Burns: White/European Chiara Assetta: Italiano-Australian Madeline Fansler: White/European Cristina D’Agostino: White/European

2024 Australia and New Zealand Tour:  Kimberley Hodgson: Filipino-Australian; mixed race Deirdre Khoo: Singaporean, Chinese; born and raised in Singapore Zelia Rose Kitoko: Congolese-European descent Chelsea Dawson: Australian, French Giorgia Kennedy: Colombian/Trinidadian, Australia; Afro-Latina Chiara Assetta: Italiano-Australian Gabriella Boumford: English, Australian Cristina D’Agostino: White/European

South Korean production: I am not specifically including any of the South Korean actors in this list due to the significant linguistic and cultural barriers (I simply don't want to incorrectly identify anyone). As far as I can tell, the actors all seem to be Korean nationals, but if there's any additional information I find I will add that specific actor. Japan production: As with the South Korean and Hungarian productions, there are significant linguistic and cultural barriers to me compiling this full list. Most of them do include information about their ethnic/national backgrounds in their bio/website/etc, so I am including that, but note that this is a preliminary list and not necessarily fully representative. Due to translation and cultural difference, it's also more of a factual telling of how they've described their family rather than identity-focused in the way I usually do. 鈴木 瑛美子 | Emiko Suzuki ソニン | Sonim: Japanese and Korean. Born in Japan of Korean background or nationality (here's where translations tend to be unclear) 田村 芽実 | Meimi Tamura: Japanese 皆本 麻帆 | Maho Minamoto: Japanese 原田 真絢 | Mahya Harada 遥海 | Harumi: Japanese parent and Filipino parent. Born in the Philippines and moved to Japan at 13. エリアンナ | Eliana: Japanese parent and Brazilian parent 菅谷 真理恵 | Marie Sugaya: Japanese, Hawaiian grandparent 鈴木 愛理 | Airi Suzuki 豊原 江理佳 | Erika Toyohara: Dominican Republic, Japanese (specifically born in Dominican Republic) 和希 そら | Sora Kazuki: Japanese 斎藤 瑠希 | Ruki Saito

Bliss 1.0:  Candace Furbert: Bermudian Hazel Karooma-Brooker: British, Ugandan; Black; mixed-race Caitlin Tipping: Scottish; White Sophie Golden: British; white Alicia Corrales-Connor: Spanish, Scottish; White, Hispanic* Viquichele Cross: British, Jamaican; Black/Black African/Black Caribbean Natalie Pilkington: British Bryony Duncan: British Lori McLare: British; white Amy Bridges: Welsh; white

Bliss 2.0:  Jade Marvin: Black Lucy Aiston: British; White Gabriella Stylianou: half-Cypriot Scarlet Gabriel: British, Grenadian; Black/Black African/Black Caribbean Rebecca Wickes: British; white Megan Leung: raised in Hong Kong, Hong Konger/Hong Kongese; half-Chinese, half-American; mixed race Sophie-Rose Middleton: British; White/European Kara-Ami McCreanor: British Emily Harrigan: British; white

Bliss 3.0:  Melinda Porto: Spaniard; White/European, Hispanic* L'Oréal Roaché: Black Wesley Carpenter: White Maya Christian: Black Brianna Mooney: Latino and Hispanic* Meghan Dawson: Black Marilyn Caserta: Italian, Cuban; Chicana; White/European, Latino* Adrianna Glover: Black, Middle Eastern, Latino/Hispanic* (specifics unknown) Kristina Walz: White/European Alizé Ke’Aloha Cruz: Filipino, Mexican; multiracial; White/European, Asian, Latino/Hispanic*

Bliss 4.0: Gabriella Mack: Black/African Casey Esbin: White/European; Jewish Ellie Wyman: White/European Sasha Renae Brown: Black Nicole Lamb: Greek Aja Simone Baitey: Black Willow Dougherty: White/European Kayla McSorley: Canadian; French-Canadian/Acadian; White/European Hannah Taylor: White/European Emily Rose Lyons: White/European Chelsea Lorraine Wargo: White/European

Bliss 5.0: Rae Davenport: Black Kathryn Kilger: White/European; German descent Reca Oakley: British; Black Artemis Chrisoulakis: British, Greek; White; Mediterranean Bethany McDonald: British; White Alyssa Gianetti: Italian; White/European Haley Izurieta: Latine; Ecuadorian Jasmine M Smith: Black Lois Ellise: Black

Bliss 6.0: Jade Marvin: British; Black Fiorella Bamba: Filipina, Italian, Australian. Born in Italy, raised in Philippines, lives in Australia. Lucinda Wilson: Australian Haley Izurieta: Latine; Ecuadorian Caitlyn De Kuyper: White/European Amanda Lee: Black/African Willow Dougherty: White/European Gabriella Boumford: English, Australian Brooke Aneece: Black

Bliss 7.0:  Gabriella Mack: Black/African Lorren Santo-Quinn: British; possibly White/Asian/Hispanic Billie Kerr: Scottish; white Janice Rijssel: Dutch, Surinamer, British; Black Sarah McFarlane: Irish (from Northern Ireland); white Amelia Atherton: British Giulia Marolda: White/European Izzy Formby-Jackson: British; white Hannah Lawton: British; white

Breakaway 1.0: Jasmine Shen: Chinese, Hong Konger/Hong Kongese Kelly Sweeney: British; white Amy Bridges: Welsh; white Jessica Niles: Black Georgia Carr: British; white Amelia Walker: Grenadian Liv Alexander: British; white Elizabeth Walker: British; white Laura Blair: Scottish Maddison Firth: British; white

Breakaway 2.0 (original): Gabrielle Davina Smith: Welsh, Mauritian; Black Fia Houston-Hamilton: Scottish; Indian, Jamaican, Scandinavian; mixed race Maddison Firth: British; white Rhiannon Bacchus: English, Scottish, Welsh, Guyanese Sadie Hurst: English Ellie Sharpe: British

Breakaway 2.0: Jade Marvin: Black; British Liv Alexander: British; white Elizabeth Walker: British; white Jessica Niles: Black Artemis Chrisoulakis: British, Greek; White; Mediterranean Amelia Walker: Grenadian Ellie Sharpe: British Sadie Hurst: English

Breakaway 3.0: Lauren Irving: Black Danielle Mendoza: Filipina; multiracial; Asian, Latina/Hispanic*, Southeast Asian/Pacific Islander Abigail Sparrow: White/European Madeline Fansler: White/European Channing Weir: White/European Sunayna Smith: half-Black, half-Indian Princess Sasha Victomé: Haitian, American

Breakaway 4.0: Jade Marvin: Black; British Jessie Bodner: American Jasmine Hackett: British Janice Rijssel: Dutch, Surinamer, British; Black Lucia Valentino: British, Italian Elena Breschi: Italian, Filipino; white, Mediterranean, Hispanic Princess Sasha Victomé: Haitian, American Ellie Sharpe: British Sarah McFarlane: Irish (from Northern Ireland); white Meg Dixon Brasil: British, Portuguese

Breakaway 5.0: Gabriella Mack: Black/African Sunayna Smith: half-Black, half-Indian Hannah Taylor: White/European Sasha Renae Brown: Black Sarah McFarlane: Irish (from Northern Ireland); white Megan Leung: raised in Hong Konger/Hong Kongese; half-Chinese, half-American; mixed race Eden Holmes: Caucasian Jaelle LaGuerre: Haitian, Black, first-gen immigrant Kate Zulauf: White/European

Breakaway 6.0: Analise Rios: Puerto Rican, Irish, German; Latino,* White/European; multiracial Cydney Clark: Black Eloise Lord: British Deirdre Dunkin: Black Giulia Marolda: White/European Hungarian non-replica: Just like the South Korean and Japanese productions, please note that there are significant linguistic and cultural barriers to me compiling this information and it may not be complete. Horányi Juli: Hungarian Baranyai Annamária: Hungarian Muri Enikő: Hungarian Zsitva Réka: Hungarian Singh Viki: Hungarian mother, Indian father ("indiai apa és magyar anyuka gyermeke ként") Peller Anna: Hungarian Herceg Erika: Ukrainian, Hungarian Kardffy Aisha: Hungarian, Persian descent Hien: Vietnamese-Hungarian Gadó Anita: Hungarian Veres Mónika: Hungarian Gallusz Nikolett: Hungarian Horváth Mónika: Hungarian Magyar Krisztina: Hungarian Csonka Dóra: Hungarian

Unknown: Megan Gilbert; Aimie Atkinson; Abby Mueller, Courtney Mack; Bella Coppola; Jessie Davidson; Courtney Mack; Zan Berube, Courtney Mack; Julia Pulo, Maggie LaCasse, Bella Coppola, Darcy Stewart, Julia McLellan; Loren Hunter; Loren Hunter, Thalia Smith; Abbi Hodgson; Ashlee Waldbauer; Gianna Grosso, Jarynn Whitney, Jillian Worthing; Audrey Fisher; Melissa J Ford, Kaylah Attard; Abbi Hodgson; Shelby Griswold, Kennedy Monica Carstens, Jarynn Whitney; Abbi Hodgson; Meghan Corbett, Ruby Gibbs, Caroline Siegrist, Audrey Fisher

*Read the notes at the top about the “Latino/Hispanic” designation on resumés. **Samantha Pauly’s resume refers to her as Navajo. However, some Navajo people do prefer the endonymic term Diné  (indigenous to the tribe and its language). In keeping with the intent of this post to use the same terms that the queens themselves have used, I referred to her as Navajo.

[meruz]

once again i am answering asks in a big compilation post. included is... gotham, patrick stump, tips about drawing backgrounds, tips about drawing in general, links to my faq, and infinity train

like.... the tv series? No... I’ve drawn dc comics fanart before, though. But it’s been years since I’ve been really into it. I like jumped ship like 10 years ago when the New 52 happened LOL.

AFJHDSLKGH I’m sorry I (probably) won’t do it again??

Actually full disclosure I have a truly cringe amount of p stump drawings/photo studies in my sketchbook right now LOL. He’s just fun to draw... hats, glasses, guitar, a good shape... but I don’t think I’ll rly post those until I can hide them in another big sketchbook pdf.. probably Jan 2022. Stay tuned........ (ominous) 

(ominous preview)

These are all sort of related to backgrounds/painting so I grouped them together even though they’re pretty much entirely separate questions.... ANYWAYS

a) How is it working as a BG artist? Is it hard? What show are you drawing for?

I think you’re the first person to ever ask me about my job! Being a background artist is great. It’s definitely labor intensive but I think that could describe pretty much any art job (If something were rote or easy to automate, you wouldn’t hire an artist to do it) and I hesitate to say whether its harder or easier than any other role in the animation pipeline. Plus, so much of what truly makes a job difficult varies from one production to the next, schedule, working environment, co-workers etc. But I will say that I think while BGs are generally a lot of work on the upfront, I think they’re subject to less scrutiny/revisions than something like character/props/effects design and you don’t have to pitch them to a room like boards. So I guess it’s good if you don’t like to talk to people? LOL

A lot of my previous projects + the show I’ve worked on the longest aren’t public yet so I can’t talk about em (but I assure you if/when the news does break I won’t shut up about it). But I’m currently working on Archer Season 12 LOL. I’m like 90% sure I’m allowed to say that.

b) ~~~THANK YOU!! ~~~

c) What exactly do you like to draw most [in a background]?

@kaitomiury​ Lots of stuff! I really like to draw clutter! Because it’s a great opportunity for environmental storytelling and also you can be kind of messy with it because the sheer mass will supersede any details LOL. 

I like to draw clouds... I like to draw grass but not trees lol,,, I like to draw anything that sells perspective really easily like tiled floors and ceilings, shelves, lamp posts on a street etc.

d) Do you have any tips on how to paint (observational)?

god there’s so much to say. painting is really a whole ass discipline like someone can paint their whole life and still discover new things about it. I guess if you’re really just starting out my best advice is that habit is more important than product. especially with traditional plein air painting, I find that the procedure of going outside and setting up your paints is almost harder than the actual painting. There’s a lot of artists who say “I want to do plein air sometime!!” and then never actually get around to doing it. A lot of people just end up working from google streetview or photos on their computer.

But going outside to paint is a really good challenge because it forces you to make and commit to lighting and composition decisions really quickly. And to work through your mistakes instead of against them via undo button.

My last tip is to check out James Gurney’s youtube channel because hes probably the best and most consistent resource on observational painting out there rn. There’s lots other artists doing the same thing (off the top of my head I know a lot of the Warrior Painters group has people regularly posting plein air stuff and lightbox expo had a Jesse Schmidt lecture abt it last year) but Gurney’s probably the most prolific poster and one of the best at explaining the more technical stuff - his books are great too.

e) Do you have tips for drawing cleanly on heavypaint?

@marigoldfool​ UMM LOL I LIKE ONLY USE THE FILL TOOL so maybe use the fill tool? Fill and rectangle are good for edge control as opposed to the rest of the heavy paint tools which can get sort of muddles. And also I use a stylus so maybe if you’re using your finger, find a stylus that works with your device instead. That’s all I’ve got, frankly I don’t think my drawings are particularly clean lol.

f) Tips on improving backgrounds/scenes making them more dynamic practicing etc?

Ive given some tips about backgrounds/scenes before so I’m not gonna re-tread those but here’s another thing that might be helpful...

I think a good way to approach backgrounds is to think of the specific story or even mood you want to convey with the background first. Thinking “I just need to put something behind this character” is going to lead you to drawing like... a green screen tourist photo backdrop. But if you think “I need this bg to make the characters feel small” or “I need this bg to make the world feel colorful” then it gives you requirements and cues to work off of.

If I know a character needs to feel overwhelmed and small, then I know I need to create environment elements that will cage them in and corner them. If a character needs to feel triumphant/on top of the world then I know I need to let the environment open up around them. etc. If I know my focal point/ where I want to draw attention, I can build the background around that.

Also, backgrounds like figure compositions will have focal points of their own and you can draw attention to it/ the relationship the characters have with the bg element via scale or directionality or color, any number of cues. I think of it almost as a second/third character in a scene.

Not every composition is gonna have something so obvious like this but it helps me to think about these because then the characters feel connected and integrated with the environment.

Some more general art questions

a) Do you have any process/tips to start drawing character/bodies/heads?

I tried to kind of draw something to answer this but honestly this is difficult for me to answer because I don’t think I’m that great at drawing characters LOL. Ok, I think I have two tips.

1) flip your canvas often. A lot about what makes human bodies look correct and believable is symmetry and balance. Even if someone has asymmetrical features, the body will often pull and push in a way to counterbalance it. we often have inherent biases to one side or another like dominant hands dominant eyes etc. you know how right-handed artists will often favor drawing characters facing 45 degrees facing (the artist’s) left? that’s part of it. so viewing your drawing flipped even just to evaluate it helps compensate for that bias and makes you more aware of balance.

2) draw the whole figure often. I feel like a lot of beginner artists (myself included for a long time) defer to just drawing headshots or busts because it’s easier, you dont have to think about posing limbs etc. But drawing a full body allows you to better gauge proportion, perspective, body language, everything that makes a character look believable and grounded.

Like if you (me) have that issue where you draw the head too big and then have to resize it to fit the proportions of the rest of the body, it’s probably because you (I) drew the head first and are treating the body as an afterthought/attachment. Sketching out the whole figure first or even just quick drawing guides for it will help you think of it more holistically. I learned this figure drawing in charcoal at art school LOL.

oh. third mini tip - try to draw people from life often! its the best study. if you can get into a figure drawing/nude drawing class EVEN BETTER and if you have a local college/art space/museum that hosts those for free TREASURE IT AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT, that’s a huge boon that a lot of artists (me again) wish they had. though if youre not so lucky and youre sitting in a park trying to creeper draw people and they keep moving.. don’t let that stop you! that’s good practice because it’s forcing you to work fast to get the important stuff down LOL. its a challenge!

b) I’ve been pretty out of energy and have had no inspiration to draw but I have the desire to. Any advice?

Dude, take a walk or something.... Or a nap? Low energy is going to effect everything else so you gotta hit that problem at its source.

If you’re looking for inspiration though, I’d recommend stuff like watching a movie, reading a book, playing video games etc. Fill up your idea bank with content and then give yourself time/space to gestate it into new concepts. Sometimes looking at other art works but sometimes it can work against you because it’s too close. 

Also something that helps me is remembering that art doesn’t always have to be groundbreaking... like it’s okay to make something shitty and stupid that you don’t post online and only show to your friend. That’s all part of the process imo. If you want to hit a home run you gotta warm up first, right? Sports.

I should probably compile everytime i give tips on stuff like this but that’s getting dangerously close to being a social media artist who makes stupid boiled down art tutorials for clout which is the last thing i want to be... the thing I want to stress is that art is a whole visual language and there are widely agreed upon rules and customs but they exist in large part to be broken. Like there's an infinite number of ways to reach an infinite number of solutions and that’s actually what makes it really cool and personal for both the artist and the viewer. So when you make work you like or you find someone else’s work you like, take a step back and ask yourself what about it speaks for you, what about it works for you, what makes it effective, how to recreate that effect and how to break that effect completely, etc. And have a good time with it or else what’s the point.

for the first 2, I direct you to my FAQ

For the last one, I don’t actually believe I’ve ever addressed artwork as insp for stories/rp but I’ll say here and now yeah go ahead! As long as you’re not making profit or taking credit for my work then I’m normally ok with it. Especially anything thats private and purely recreational, that’s generally 100% green light go. I only ask that if you post it anywhere public that you please credit me.

(and I reserve the right to ask you to take it down if I see it and don’t approve of it’s use but I think that case is pretty rare.)

a) @lemuelzero101 Thank you!!! I haven’t played Life is Strange but actually  that series’ vis dev artist Edouard Caplain is one of my bigger art inspirations lately so that’s a really high compliment lol. And yeah I hope we get 5-8 too...!

b) Thank you for sticking around! I’ve been thinking about Digimon and Infinity Train in tandem lately, actually. They’re a little similar? Enter a dangerous alternate world and have wacky adventures with monsters/inanimate objects that have weird powers... there’s like weird engineers and mechanisms behind the scenes... also frontier literally starts with them getting on a train. Anyways if anyone else followed me for digimon... maybe you’d like Infinity Train? LOL

c) @king-wens-king I’M GLAD MY ART JUST HAS PINOY VIBES LOL I hope you are having a good day too :^)

a, b, c, d) yessss my Watch Infinity Train agenda is working....

e) aw thank you!! i think you should watch infinity train :)

[toloveawarlord]

Ch. 1

Pairing: Wren Blackwell x Jonah Clemence

Tagging: @plumpblueberry​ @starry-starry-night24​ @youreawizardharr​  (please let me know if you want to be tagged!)

A/N: Day 4 of the 12 Days of OCmas! Are Wren and Jonah as Star Crossed and Wren believes?

The tinkling of the bell above the door signaled their arrival. Too early for incoming influx of captains and merchants with documents to be reviewed and approved. Another two hours should have been free to work on overhauling the filing system that her boss had struggled to keep in order. She didn’t need to rush after hearing her son exclaim the visitor’s names.

“Uncle Fenrir! Uncle Ray!” The ten-year old’s voice echoed through the small building laced with surprise and joy. Abandoning his schoolwork for a chance to spend time with his two uncles. Amber eyes sparkled up at the two. Rarely did he get a visit from his family.

Fenrir beamed a grin at him, accepting the welcoming hug. “Reece, ya got taller!” He stopped by any time he came down to the ports, pitching in to help if Wren needed it.

Which meant today must be business. Never did Ray come by her work without warning. Placing down the files in their proper piles, Wren maneuvered through the chaos to emerge from the office. “Reece, you can go out for a break.” She didn’t want him to hear any military discussions, lest he want to join.

“Come on, I’ll buy ya a treat if it’s alright with your mom,” Fenrir offered to the eager boy, glancing to her for the okay.

It was like looking at two needy puppies. “That’s fine.” As Reece raced out the front door, Wren called to the ace with a serious tone. “No guns this time. I’ll kick your ass if you even think about it.”

She received a salute paired with wicked grin. “Yes, ma’am.”

“This time?” Ray questioned, emerald eyes moving from the vacant doorway to his sister.

“Reece is becoming increasingly interested in weapons ever since he was allowed to shoot Fenrir’s gun,” Wren replied with irritation. She’d agreed to teaching her son a little hand-to-hand combat for self-defense. At no point, had permission been given for him to wield a weapon.

Ray chuckled at her frown. “I count myself lucky that Fenrir came away in one piece.” His memories of a protective older sister when they were but children resurfaced with nostalgia. Though she came across as calm and collected, she possessed incredible fighting skill that could rival some of his chosen thirteen. 

The army would gain much if Wren agreed to join, but he knew that she would never, not with her son to protect.

The two moved into the messy office for privacy. Wren cleared a spot on the desk to sit while Ray claimed the only empty armchair. “What are you looking for?”

“Shipping manifests that could pass initial inspection but might be importing contraband.”

Wren cast a glance over the organized mess. “I’ll look into it. Though, it will undoubtedly take me a few hours. What is it that’s being smuggled in?” If she had a frame of reference, then it would make the search much easier.

“You know I’m not supposed to tell you that.” The investigation now a joint one. He’d have to explain to the Reds why he involved a civilian in a sensitive, top secret mission.

“If I know what I’m looking for, the box size and contents will be much simpler to find.”

Ray shifted to cross his legs, mulling over his options. Trust wasn’t the issue. He knew Wren would be discrete and quick. But involving her meant bringing up her name at the meeting with Red Army late tonight. Was it better to have some information than come up empty with those smug bastards? 

“Stop worrying. I want to help, so let me.”

He sighed. “Tainted magic crystals. They’re small enough to go undetected but a single one can cause massive damage. If the calculations are even slightly correct, the influx that has been reported could destroy half of Cradle. Wren, you don’t have to agree to this. I understand if you want me to walk away.”

A dire situation. Time sensitive.

Wren could see why he’d been hesitant to tell her. Part of her, the mother part, wanted to tell him no. Becoming involved opened her and Reece up to being targets. Her common sense wanted her to walk away.

But Ray would only come to her with something so dangerous if it weren’t his last option.

“I’ll do what I can.” 

The King of Spades relaxed at her agreement. “Thanks, sis. I’ll assign a soldier to keep watch here and at your home. Just as a precaution.” His gaze flickered to the large clock sitting on the wall. They’d made a detour here.

“Go on. I know how busy you are. I’ll come by with whatever I find,” Wren said with a wave of her hand. They hardly saw each other but on a few of his off days.

After the two officers left, Wren gathered all the shipping manifests that were within the last few months to pour over at home. She only took a break to cook a light meal and eat with her son before it was back to examining the documents. 

Night had settled in by the time she discovered anything significant. There were a handful of suspect items that had been flagged, but only one stood out. Regardless of her gut feeling, Wren took all of the evidence and would allow them to mark off the ones that were unneeded.

“Reece, I’m going to take some things to Ray. I’ll be back later-”

“I wanna come!” He cut her off, abandoning his schoolwork to scramble over the back of the couch. Amber eyes as big as a puppy, begging to for permission.

Wren reached out and brushed her hand through his red hair. Normally, it would be alright, but she wanted him nowhere near this case. “Not this time. I won’t be gone long. Stay here, okay?”

“Aww, but mom!” Reece protested with a frown.

“Please don’t fight me on this, Reece.” She pressed a kiss to his head as she gave him a tight hug. To admit it would be too hard, but there were more reasons than simply his safety from outside threats that she worried about.

                                                 << << <<

Soldiers at the gate had redirected her to Central Quarter. The two armies had convened, and she’d have to find Ray there. The neutral zone hadn’t changed much. Wren only came when she absolutely needed to. She’d chosen to live in the port town of Black Territory, far away from anyone in Red Territory.

The meeting had come to a close by the time she arrived. She’d been greeted by the 10 of Spades on his way out with a tip of his hat. Wren stayed in the foyer of the Civic Center, finding a nice pillar to hide behind. The Jacks exited next and following them the Queens.

Their boots were all that echoed throughout the large room. Their dislike for each other well known. As one came to a stop, so did the other. “Who’s there? The Civic Center is closed. You’re trespassing.”

Ten years.

It had been ten years since she’d heard that voice.

And it still caused her heart to throb painfully inside her chest.

His steps grew closer.

If she continued to hide, it would reflect poorly. Wren moved from her spot behind the pillar. With stiff movements, she passed Jonah without a word, instead moving to Sirius. “I brought what the King of Spades asked for. I was only waiting for him to come down.”

“He mentioned that. I’ll deliver them for you.” Sirius took the compiled documents and headed back for the stairs. He cast a worried glance back over his shoulder, but the woman was already heading for the door.

Don’t look back. Keep walking.

Her palm pressed against the door, but cool fingers wrapped around her other wrist. Wren tensed at his touch, wanting to pull away but found herself unable to.

“I’m owed an explanation.”

He was right.

“You drop out of school and disappear for ten years.”

Her reason one that he wouldn’t understand.

“Wren! Look at me!” A gentle, but firm command.

Emerald green met beautiful molten amber.

Wren swallowed down the lump in her throat. It hurt more than she’d imagined it would. Strong emotions that she’d bottled up and shoved deep into her heart, rattled in their cage, threatening to burst out. If they did, she feared she’d lose all control. “We were dumb kids, who didn’t understand that it would never work.”

Not even she believed the words that passed her lips.

“How could you possibly know that?” He wore so many emotions. Hurt. Confusion. Anger. She’d vanished. The day prior they were sneaking off during a break to be alone, and the next, gone. No explanation. No note. “I searched for you. I went into Black Territory against my families wishes-”

His family the catalyst of her disappearance.

But she couldn’t reveal that.

“Jonah, we’re different people now. You’re exactly where you’re meant to be, and if we’re being completely honest, the Queen of Hearts could never be with the King of Spades older sister. One thing or another always got in our way.” Whether it be his family or the Red Territory fan girls who hounded her for even speaking to him back in school. His duties joining the army would have broken them apart, and once Ray became the King, that would have done them in as well. “It’s for the best.”

He was still the Jonah she’d fallen in love with. His brows creased, not willing to accept that he couldn’t have everything that he wanted. “Did you think me not enough to protect you?”

It had little to do with protection. Wren tugged her hand free, shaking her head. “You would never go against your family.” She turned and shoved the door open to escape into the chilled night air. Pain blossomed across her chest. Her legs threatened to give out.

Return to Black Territory and try to forget.

As if it worked the last ten years.

“What is that supposed to mean?” He couldn’t simply give in. None of his questions had been answered. Jonah followed; his voice drenched in confusion. “This isn’t about my parents. You left me, Wren! Without so much as a word. I deserve to know why!”

She clenched her fists and whirled around to face him. “It’s always been about them, Jonah! Do you have any idea how many times your mother found a way to make my life miserable? She’s the one who had me pulled from your class, turned my teachers against me, and she tried to pay me off when--” Wren caught herself before she blurted out the one thing she refused to speak of. Emerald irises fell away from the shock on his features.

Their raised voices had drawn the attention of the Jacks loitering by the fountain and with them, someone who was meant to be at home.

“Pay you off for what?” Jonah couldn’t think of a single thing that would require an exchange of money.

“It doesn’t matter. I didn’t take the money, but I did leave. It’s over, Jonah. I think it’s better if we just pretend we’re strangers.”

“No. I refuse to leave things this way-”

A small hand slipped into hers. Reece wore a concerned expression. He’d never seen her so upset. “Mom?” He’d disregarded her wishes, following her all the way to Central Quarter, where he’d never been before.

Jonah glanced between the two. “Mom? You have a son?” It was dark but the moonlight illuminated the boy well enough.

Matching amber eyes met for the first time.

The missing piece walked right into the puzzle.

[autumnslance]

First Line

Saw some folks doing this and thought why not give it a try.

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favourite opening line. Then tag 10 of your favourite authors!

I’m going with actual “stories” or at least longer scenes, not just short blurbs or WIP scenes I’ve also posted lately for challenges/prompts. Also this goes back past FFXIV Write 2020, so going with the more polished works I posted on the free days and skipping those many prompts (much as I like most of them). Also using the Ao3 links for most of these (which means less visibility in search and tags), though a couple are on Tumblr only. The links go to individual works, though many are found in the “Unexpected” compilation thread I have for Aeryn & Thancred shippy nonsense, where they’re more or less arranged in chronological order. Still, direct linking to the specific chapters seemed the best plan.

I think I like best the ones that immediately give environment details, like “The Old Bargain” and “Sandstorm”, though there’s also something about “The First Day”’s first line that works for me.

1) Celebration: “There’s the hero of the hour,” Thancred said as he ambled over. The child Aeryn had been speaking with waved and dashed off, eager to share with his friends whatever secrets the Warrior of Darkness had divulged. Thancred watched him go, smiling, before turning back to Aeryn.

Shadowbringers 5.0 finale and how two warriors of darkness spend it.

2) Aetherytes: Thancred glowered up at the aetheryte. The morning light was obscured by a light snowfall, the blue glow of the device tinting the plaza. The knight handling the fees had a vague eye on him, but Aeryn was keeping the man mostly distracted with pleasant conversation and a thermos of Fortemps cocoa.

Thancred tries to hide his new condition from Aeryn immediately after Heavensward’s 3.1 patch.

3) Food: “Please tell me,” Y’shtola’s voice from behind Aeryn was positively acidic. “That you have eaten more than a muffin and a few pieces of fruit since our lunch.”

Aeryn is in a research frenzy and Y’shtola is annoyed she has to deal with it.

4) Dawn: Thancred hadn’t slept much.

Morning after the ARR 2.0 finale, kind of a sequel to FFXIV Write’s “Clamor”.

5) Flower: “What?” Aeryn demanded, snapping Emet-Selch’s attention down to her eyes; they were the hard grey of steel arrowheads as she glowered.

Emet-Selch has an unexpected memory thanks to Aeryn’s favored hair piece. Shadowbringers.

6) Indecent Whispers: The ceremony was lengthy, the lists and speeches interminable, and Aeryn struggled to not doze off. She shifted in her seat as the sermon continued.

NSFW for dirty language as Thancred quietly scandalizes Aeryn during an Ishgardian ceremony.

7) 15th Day of the 1st Astral Sun: Aeryn stepped through the mirror and into the familiar space of the Ocular, taking a moment to reorient herself after the rush of journeying between worlds. Once the vertigo had passed she left the Tower, the Crystarium guards greeting her as she crossed the Exedra. It took some questioning before she was finally pointed to where Ryne was currently; training with Captain Lyna just outside the city gates.

Aeryn gets a sentimental nameday present from her conveniently absent partner, post Reflections in Crystal.

8) Thancred’s PoV on 15th Day of the 1st Astral Sun: He always marked the day, even knowing that time was moving differently for her back in the Source.

I apparently had to write out Thancred’s perspective first to get the correct feel in the letters Aeryn read.

9) Girl Talk: Lyse and Aeryn fell on their backs onto the palm of Rhalgr, laughing as their early morning sparring session ended in a draw.

During Stormblood’s “Lady in Red” quest, two besties have a chat after their spar.

10) Only a Little Death for Now: He walked through the empty palace, heedless of the dark or cold due to the heated singing of his blood.

NSFW. Zenos having violent thoughts and finding a physical release for them. Shadowbringers patches.

11) Of Porxies and Pardons: “Oh my goodness!” Ryne squealed. “It’s adorable!”

After an off-screen fight post-Eden 8, Ryne and Gaia bully Thancred into talking things out with Aeryn.

12) Restless: Kugane’s lights were strange as they filtered in through the screened window. The little room was comfortable, and gods knew Aeryn was glad to be off the rocking seas and creaking ship, back on dry land.

NSFW. Aeryn’s got a lot on her mind and an annoying physical need to deal with as the Scions arrive in Kugane in early Stormblood.

13) Teach a Warrior of Light to Fish: A lazy day at the lake was exactly what they had needed, Renda thought, stretching on her towel. She rolled onto her stomach as she opened her eyes. Branden had cajoled Nyelbert and Cylva into some sort of ball game in the shallower water, Lamitt apparently refereeing from atop a rocky outcropping, the four of them laughing and shrieking as they splashed around.

Renda-Rae, Ardbert, and his fishing hobby.

14) The Old Bargain (original fic): The wind moaned across the swampy meadows, long grasses and rushes hushing the rattling cart that slowly moved down the muddy road, pulled by a stooped figure in a wide grey hat and long grey coat. The clouds hung low and dark overhead.

A lone figure acts as the go between for the mundane and fae worlds.

15) Realizations: Rhalgr’s Reach slowly recovered from the assault as the days passed. The bodies had been buried and all rites given, the living granted their too-brief time to mourn. Now came clearing the rubble, repairing what could be repaired, and somehow finding replacements for what could not.

Thancred talks to Y’shtola about his feelings for Aeryn in the wake of the assault on Rhalgr’s Reach in early Stormblood.

16) Sandstorm: The wind was kicking up, sand and grit blowing as they rode across the dusty old roads toward Drybone. Thancred looked up at the sky and frowned as the rented chocobos kwehed and shook worriedly. Aeryn looked to him, a questioning expression on her face.

Aeryn and Thancred on the way their investigations into Ifrit in early ARR.

17) The Parley: “We have time before these negotiations resume,” Merlwyb said. “I suggest we stretch our legs and clear our heads before meeting with the Emperor again, now we have a firmer strategy.” The others readily agreed.

Aeryn and Varis talk during the recess during the parley in “A Requiem for Heroes” end of Stormblood.

18) When Everything Changes: Zaine poked at a snail’s shell frozen to the top of the low stone wall. He guessed it had been stuck there before the winter had taken hold, trying to escape the cool rains of autumn. He wondered if the snail had found a new home, abandoning this one. He liked to think so.

Backstory from the pov of Aeryn’s brother, at five years old.

19) The First Day: Ryne had told herself she would not spend the first day sobbing, yet that was exactly what she did.

Ryne the day after the end of “Reflections in Crystal” in Shadowbringers.

20) Unsupervised, Again: “Ah, you’re back,” Thancred said as Aeryn came in the door, carrying a suspicious number of bags, considering the errand she had been on.

Aeryn got distracted while on an errand.

[jaehotbuns]

come to me

rating: pg 

word count: 2668

characters: you x chanyeol

genre: fluff!

summary // after a rough day at work, all you wanted was to drive aimlessly around for hours to relieve your thoughts. and although you didn’t expect your uber driver to take you on a date to cheer you up, you were glad that he did.

Both of your index fingers and thumbs were placed at two lower corners of your first report to your department manager as you handed it to her for review before final revisions. You quickly pulled your quivering hands back to hold at your stomach to try and keep yourself still, to not show her how nervous you were. A measly fashion article for a teen’s magazine about what shade of pink matches their skin tone was one thing but you were just freshly transferred to one of the more prestigious sections of the building. And the head was just as intimidating as the rumors made her out to be.

Her large blue eyes scanned over your large stack of paper that was compiled of the final product as well as all of the notes and magazine clippings of inspiration as beads of sweat were threatening to spill over your forehead. “Rewrite it,” she said nonchalantly as she slid your heavy document over the desk as if it was nothing.

You quickly caught your papers before it could fall off your desk, “what about it should I change?” Your eyes were shaking as you held the draft close to your chest.

“Everything,” she said disinterested as she began to type away on her desk. “You need to remember that you’re not writing for children anymore. This isn’t Vogue but it sure isn’t Teen Vogue.”

You nodded and said a quick “thank you for you time,” before heading towards the door to escape from the suffocating atmosphere from her penthouse office.

“Oh and one more thing,” she called out as your sweaty hand was ready to turn the golden doorknob. “I don’t need your notes with your product, it’s the results that matter.”

Your face burned with embarrassment as you nodded and closed the door softly to her office. The sounds of your heels clanked in the halls back to your cubicle, alerting many other colleagues who had been mouthing off about you ever since you came.

“I heard she was only promoted because she sucked up to her former manager.” “I mean how else would she have gotten here? She needs that many notes to write a shitty article?” “Yeah, I can’t believe she was assigned that instead of us.”

Your mind wasn’t at ease until you left the office at almost exactly 12am after writing multiple revisions for your manager. You knew that since you were new, it wasn’t going to be easy to adapt to the new standard of writing and sophistication but you didn’t expect to need to write 14 before you got the final okay. Tears of relief almost escaped your eyes when you heard her say, “you have promise. I just need to push you to see if you can handle it. Nothing is easy in this world to come, so keep trying to improve.”

Her words were kind yet had the delivery of a warning or threat and you weren’t really sure if you could handle that type of pressure and workload every single day as well as the snarky comments surrounding you while you were trying to work. You definitely didn’t want to stay here long enough to become one of your gossiping coworkers either.

With heavy feet as well as a heavy mind, you dragged yourself to a bench at a park to wait until someone was able to accept your request of, “I just need a drive aimlessly, feel free to refuse.” And many drivers did refuse, they would rather have a solid destination to get on with their next customers rather than drive in circles in the busy streets so they didn’t linger too far from their customer hub.

You felt as though you’ve sat enough when you felt the midnight chill raise the hairs up on your arms as well as the developing sensations of pins and needles on your bottom. As soon as you stood up you heard a car pull up near the park and honk, not seeing who requested the ride. You looked down at your phone and didn’t realize that someone had accepted; you were probably too lost in thought.

Trying not to get the heel of your black pumps stuck in the crevices of the park’s path of bricks, you waddled over to the shiny and freshly polished black Sedan. “Chanyeol?” You asked to confirm that you had the correct driver.

He turned to face you, taking you back at your handsome Uber driver whose veins were prominent as one hand gripped the steering wheel while the other was placed on the back of the passenger’s seat. “Hop in,” he smiled. You tried to smile back as you sat in the back but could only muster up an emotionless curling of the corners of your lips. “Destination anywhere, right?”

You nodded slowly as you pulled your seatbelt into its chamber, making a satisfying click before you leaned back into the cool seat. “Just my luck, I wanted to drive around before I called it a night.”

You closed your eyes to regain moisture; sitting and staring at nothing in the breeze had probably dried out any tears of stress that could have formed. “So that’s why you were the only one who accepted my ride?” You laughed, not meaning to sound as self deprecating as much as it had came out.

You didn’t need to open your eyes to know that he looked back at you before pulling out of the street corner to start driving to who knows where. “That tough, huh?” You felt his face turn back around to focus on the road, the red and blue lights filling the blackness of your closed eyelids every once and awhile. “Rough day?”

“You could say so,” you replied. Was it a tough day? Head in chief was definitely nicer and less demanding than what you had expected but it was no less than the Devil Wears Prada. But you knew one thing for sure, you were stressed and uncertain of your career and future.

You opened your eyes slightly to see him looking directly into your ears from the front mirror whilst you were stopped at a red light, “do you want to talk about it?”

A ball formed in your throat as a sweet smile of concern followed his question, causing you to look away. “I wouldn’t want to bore you to death with my life problems.”

He laughed carefreely, easing your thoughts almost at how contagious his happiness was, “enlighten me. I bet it’s better than the story I heard today of how this guy made the world’s best inventions of apple and broccoli sandwiches or how a mom was late because the nail tech did her nails coffin instead of stiletto.”

A genuine grin spread across your face as he started to drive once more, reaching the highway instead of the loud and crowded city. “I think I’d rather hear those stories to be honest.” Chanyeol shook his head, the waves of his fluffy black locks bouncing every abnormality in the road. He was waiting for you to air out your problems.

You weren’t the type to express your feelings to anyone close but here you were, ready to reveal them to a complete stranger. “I just got transferred to a new department and I don’t know. It all feels like the Devil Wears Prada and it doesn’t help that I’m in fashion.” You saw him nod and use his free left hand to rub his chin insightfully. You knew that 2 sentences wasn’t going to satisfy his curiosity. “I had to write around 15 drafts until my boss was happy and she said I was good but it was only going to get harder but I thought, ‘I don’t even really like this job too much to go through this.’ You know?” Chanyeol nodded. “Maybe I should just be grateful that I have a prestigious job…”

Chanyeol shook his head, “don’t put down your problems like that. You have every right to feel what you do without being guilty.” He pulled out of the highway and into a parking lot of a relatively secluded strip mall. “I’m feeling hungry how about you?”

Now that he had asked, you realized that the only food you were running on was a bagel for breakfast and a quick microwaved spaghetti and meatballs you had at 12. With all what was on your mind you realized, “wow now that you mention it I haven’t ate in 12 hours.”

“Unacceptable,” he said with a scolding finger shaking in front of you. He reached over to his phone that was mounted on a holder and ended the right prematurely. “Let’s go eat, I haven’t eaten all day.”

“This is out of your own time though, I couldn’t ask you to do that.” You also felt as though he was feeling bad for you after your little sob story.

Chanyeol was adamant on his decision and pulled the key out from his car and closed the door to open your side and let you out. “I was going to get McDonald’s after my last ride anyways. And besides I’d rather eat with company at a restaurant than eat at home alone.” He held his large hand for you to take, “c’mon.” You were hesitant. “Or we could drive for another 30 minutes and you can watch me order a number 2 at Mickey D’s.”

You rolled your eyes playfully and took his hand graciously to step out, he slammed the door and locked the car afterwards. His hand was placed at the small of your back to guide you to where he was planning to take you but not too close to touch you. Gentlemanly, you thought. “So what is this great restaurant that you’re so keen on?”

Both of you walked until you saw the infamous red and yellow sign resembling one of McDonald’s but even better. “Denny’s, my favourite.”

“You’re not making fun of me are you?” He looked at you cautiously before opening the door for you.

You turned back to face him, “nothing better to have at midnight than some pancakes and shakes, right?”

Chanyeol’s face practicably beamed in your reply and hummed in agreement, “you’re going to make someone very happy someday.” Your cheeks flushed, wondering if he was implying him. But the thought was pushed out of your head as the hostess placed the two of you at a cubicle of the empty diner.

After flipping through the menus in a hungry flash and ordering, both of you sipped on a birthday cake milkshake, agreeing that one would be enough for you two one top of what you had ordered. “So do you do this with all of the people you drive?” You asked, pulling away from your straw.

His veiny hands rubbed the glass, wiping away the cold condensation in the process as he shook his head with his mouth still sipping on the milkshake. “Spur of the moment.” He wiped his hand on a brown napkin, “and I’m assuming you don’t go eat with all your Uber drivers too?”

You nodded, lips curved in his witty reply. “Do you do anything other than Uber?” Both of you thanked the waiter after they served you hot plates of food; pancakes, sausage links, eggs, and toast.

“I’m actually in a band, I play the drums.” He took a bite of his food before continuing his thought. Your eyes were settled on him as you began to dig in, filling your empty stomach with a satisfying warmth and weight. “I can’t really have a regular job with set hours so I work on my own time.”

“What’s your band called?”

“Exo,” he said nonchalantly as you nearly spat of your mouthful of sunny side up eggs.

“No way! I was listening to your song ‘Tempo’ on the way to work!” The corners of Chanyeol’s eyes creased in excitement at your reaction. “I’d want to make something I’m passionate about like you.”

He frowned a little bit, “you can do that.” You shrugged, can you? “Think about it this way. Are you planning on staying there forever?” You shook your head. “Are you happy with where you are?” You shook your head. “Have you looked at any other options.” Again, you shook your head, struggling to understand where he was getting at.

Chanyeol put down his cutlery and clapped his hands once. “That’s what the problem is. You’re stressed because you think you don’t want to be doing this forever as if you have to but the reality is, is that you don’t need to stay there.” You almost felt stupid to not realize that. “You don’t need to suffer, it’s just temporary afterall.”

You didn’t know what to say after, “thank you.” But to play off how much insight he gave you you joked, “maybe motivational speaker should be a third job.”

He chuckled and placed his hand lightly on yours and grabbed it more firmly when he saw that you were comfortable with his touch, “hey, just know whenever you’re down, I believe that you can reach better things that you can enjoy.” He noticed the grateful tears that were glossing over your eyes but didn’t acknowledge them to embarrass you or to risk the chance of them spilling. Instead, he ruffled your hair lightly to comfort you.

Once the waiter set the bill on the table after you two finished eating, he reached for the receipt but you had already snatched it away so that he wasn’t able to pay. “C’mon, I dragged you here. I have to pay.”

You shook your head and placed out a 50 bill which was enough for your food as well as a generous tip, “no your company was a priceless therapy session for me.”

Chanyeol still insisted but cursed under his breath when he realized that he forgot to grab his wallet from his car’s compartment before locking it. “Alright, but the ride’s on me and I’ll repay you back next time.”

You looked at him flirtatiously, “there’s a next time?”

“I hope so,” he said shyly before walking you out to the car. As he was fumbling with his keys, he took off his heavy leather jacket and placed it on top of your shoulders as he saw that you were shivering. He unlocked the car and opened the door to the passenger seat and closed it after you had sat down.

When he got into his seat, he reached over to secure your seatbelt, taking your breath away at how close he was to your face. He didn’t seem to notice your pink face as he started to reverse out of the driveway with his hand at the back of your headrest.

On the ride both of you had continued your conversation and had exchanged all of the contact information that you two had. A sense of sadness washed over you as you reached your front door. You wanted to invite him inside but you had work at 7 the next morning and it was already about 3 in the morning.

His hand was touching the back of his neck awkwardly, silently debating whether it was too brash to kiss you when he had just met you but you leaned in and quickly sneaked a “goodnight” kiss before turning to enter your house. But that peck had given him reassurance in your returned feelings and he turned you around to give you a more passionate kiss; his hands rested at your waist with yours wrapped around his neck.

Chanyeol had left you breathless as he pulled away, “good night,” he said before walked slowly from your front steps and waving back one more time. You closed the door behind you and finally heard his car pull out when he was sure you were safe.

You weren’t sure about how this came about, but you were happy that it did.

[witchymarvelspacecase]

Voiceless Pt. 11

Summary: (Reader Insert) Reader is a mutant/inhuman with a powerful voice (works a little like a banshee/a little like a siren). She’s had it a little tough since discovering her powers. She is found and taken in by Tony Stark and the remaining Avengers after the events of Civil War

Word Count: 2878

Warnings: Really, just some fluff and general emotions

A/N: no cliffhanger this time! Well, I’ve got two more chapters for ya, and then Voiceless will be done. This chapter is a lot of feels, but in a good way ( I hope ).

A steady hum filled the space you were in. You were laying on what felt like a soft mattress, but you were not comfortable. Your chest ached with every breath you took, and your head was throbbing. All of your joints felt stiff, but when you moved even slightly, the stiffness turned to searing pain.

Groaning, you forced your heavy eyelids open, and had to blink almost immediately. The room wasn’t bright, but even the soft lights were too much.

“Hey, kiddo.”

You turned your head too fast, and it hurt so bad that you were looking at Tony though a veil of tears, but you were looking at him; he was there.

“You’re okay?” You asked in a voice raspy from disuse. Tony chuckled.

“You got thrown into a wall like a rag doll. Broken ribs, hairline fractures in your neck, and a concussion, and you ask if I’m okay.” He shook his head as he leaned closer to you. There were bruises on his face, but they were healing, and you could see several butterfly bandages as well. What you noticed most though, was the water welling up in Tony’s eyes.

“Hey, I’m alright, Tony.”

“No. No, you’re not, kid,” he said reaching forward to gently move a few strands of hair off your forehead. “You’re all beat up, and you shouldn’t have been in that place.” His hand shook a little as he continued to smooth your hair back.

“Wasn’t your fault,” you said as you forced your arm to move. It hurt like hell to reach over and grab Tony’s free hand, but it got his attention. “I chose to go after you, Tony. The others tried to talk me out of it- tried to tell me to stay behind. I wanted to go.”

He met your eyes then, but the hand resting on your head stayed where it was.

“Pepper called me,” you said, figuring Tony should know. He closed his eyes and laughed a little, a small smile on his lips.

“Yeah, she told me. We couldn’t have been on the ground 12 minutes and she was bursting through the doors.”

There was a light in Tony’s expression that only ever showed up when he was talking or thinking about Pepper. It was there, despite the wince that followed; Tony remembering what was probably an uncomfortable conversation. “I can’t tell if she was more mad about me being kidnapped or you getting dragged into the whole thing.”

“Oh, I’m sure I’ll be getting my own talking to just as soon as she hears I’m awake,” you said on an exhale. “How long have I been out?”

“Two days,” Tony answered, finally sitting back, removing his hand from the top of your head. “We had you in Dr. Cho’s cradle for most of the first day.” It was your turn to wince.

The damage you took must have been severe if a day in the cradle still left you feeling as shitty as you did.

“Yeah,” Tony said, as if confirming your suspicions.

“So what happened after-?” You trailed off.

“After you got thrown into a building?” Tony finished, giving you something that looked surprisingly like a “dad-eye”. You nodded.

“Well, Rogers, Rhodey, and I blasted the giant with everything we had, but it wouldn’t go down. Wilson flew in and said something about it’s head and eyes or something, then Rhodes and Wilson both flew up to the thing’s head and shot it’s eyes out. That was it. It went down like a sack of boulders.”

“Hey, score one for the fairytales,” you laughed, immediately regretting it when your chest protested. Of course, you had to explain what that comment meant to Tony, and he laughed too, but in disbelief.

“Are you kidding me? Did you tell Wilson that's where your plan came from?”

“Uh, I don’t think so. He didn't seem overly keen on my plan to begin with, so I don’t think I bothered to explain it much.”

Toy laughed again, wiping at his eyes. “Damn. Just- wow. I’ve called myself a mess before, but I think you me give me a run for my money.”

“C’mon, It all worked out, didn’t it?”

You and Tony laughed for a moment longer. You saw the weight lifting off his shoulders a bit more every second you talked, so you tried to keep the conversation moving. Unfortunately, you had to talk about some not so lighthearted stuff.

“It’s a good thing you told me about the phone, Tony. I had no fucking clue what to do when you disappeared.”

“You know, part of me sort of thought that Rogers wouldn’t actually care if I called. I guess I- I thought-“

“That he’d really left,” you supplied when Tony trailed off. Tony nodded in response. “Even though you never really gave up.”

“What makes you say that?” Tony asked, looking genuinely confused.

“I’ve seen the designs for a new shield, Tony. I know that isn’t for you. The wings? Your suit doesn’t need those,” you hesitated on your last comment, but after a breath you added, “the vibranium arm?” That was the price of technology that lead you to believe, so very clearly, that Tony hoped the others would come back. That he wanted Steve, Sam, Natasha, Clint, and Wanda back. Knew that in order to get them back, he’d have to accept Bucky. The schematics for that arm? That meant that at least some part of Tony was okay with that.

Tony sat back in his chair, took a deep breath and rubbed his face with his right hand. He let out a long sigh before meeting your eyes again.

“I’m not gonna push you, Tony. I just wanted to let you know that I- that I know, I guess. And I’m proud of you.”

Tony told you then. He told you about how angry he’d been, how for months after the fight, he couldn’t even see straight. Just the thought of Steve and Bucky had been enough to either send him into a rage, or have him breaking down in tears.

He told you about how he had stumbled upon old HYDRA documents when he was rage-cleaning his lab one day (a habit that Pepper had been helping him use to replace his old drinking binges). He’d read the paper, scoffed, and almost thrown it away, but some small part of him was curious. You laughed at that. “Curiosity” and “Tony Stark” were practically synonymous. He’d ended up reading hundreds of reports about the Winter Soldier. He compiled information about how he was conditioned, what the scientists had done, and why.

Tony had drawn his own connections between Bucky’s enforced surgery, and his own. Somewhere along the line, Tony had begun to see Bucky like he saw himself.

Tony had realized that he felt as responsible for the twin’s parents deaths, as Bucky did towards Tony’s. Though neither of them had been there to pull the trigger, their technology, or their bodies, had been used without their consent. A part of them would always feel like they should have done something. Anything. Even though the rational part of them knew that would have been impossible.

He began to understand, and there was forgiveness there. Maybe not complete forgiveness, Tony said he still didn't fully trust Bucky, and they probably wouldn’t ever be besties, but he could see coexisting with him.

It was about then that your stomach chose to voice it’s displeasure with your lack of food. It growled so loudly you wondered if the whole floor heard you.

...

After some cajoling, and serious puppy eyes that you were not the least bit ashamed of, you convinced Tony to allow you to go to the kitchen to eat. He insisted on pushing you in a wheelchair, but you got to leave your room.

You were in the tower. You guessed it must have been closer then the compound. Either way, Vision, and the twins were apparently not there yet, though they were en route. Steve, Natasha, Rhodey, and Sam were all in the common area when Tony wheeled you in, and they all shook their heads.

“I know she’s supposed to still be in bed,” Natasha reprimanded.

“My fault,” you said with a smile, “I pouted until he let me out.”

Rhodey laughed. “Never could tell her ‘no’, could ya, Tone?”

Tony shrugged unapologetically. “At least she agreed to stay in the chair.”

It was a good thing you had acquiesced to the chair, just sitting up was making you tired, but you weren’t gonna tell anyone that. They were all talking. Really talking. You knew that probably hadn’t happened since before the Accords. Although you didn't see Bucky anywhere.

When you shot a questioning glance at Steve, he gently patted your shoulder. “He’s okay. He just wanted to give Tony some time.”

The elevator door dinged, and Tony’s head turned so fast you thought he’d get whiplash. Clearly, he hadn’t been expecting anyone. And when he saw Pietro and Wanda exit the elevator with Vision, an emotion that you couldn’t quite describe flitted across his face.

It was something like a mixture of pain and sorrow, with happiness and pride. Tony didn’t get up to greet them, and he seemed shocked when Wanda headed his way, but he stood up to meet her.

His shock increased when she threw her arms around him. If Tony were to die of shock, you imagined that was how it would look.

“Wanda?” Tony asked, confused as his hands came up to rest on her shoulders. “Are you-- What’s wrong?” He looked around and spotted Pietro standing with Vision.

Wanda had her face turned into Tony’s chest, so you couldn’t hear what she said, but you saw the tears gather in Tony’s eyes. Saw his arms tentatively wrap around her, and saw his head drop to rest on top of hers.

A watery smile wavered on your face as Pietro crossed to stand behind you. “You know, I heard a lot of conversations that I probably wasn’t supposed to while I was out. A lot of things that I shared with my sister.”

“Yeah? He probably didn’t think you could hear him,” you agreed. “I wouldn’t suggest correcting that assumption just now.”

“Of course not,” Pietro nodded. Then he grinned. “Unless the perfect opportunity presents itself.”

You giggled as tears fell from your lashes. This time they weren’t from fear, sadness, or pain.

You stayed in the common room as long as you could. Would have stayed longer in fact, but Wanda ratted you out.

Everyone was so involved in reconnecting with each other, that you essentially faded into the wall. You wouldn’t fool yourself into believing that it would be all sunshine and sparkles forever; you knew that there were some arguments still to be had, but for the moment, everyone was just glad their family was okay. You managed to sit in the background for most of the discussions, which was good, since you were far more exhausted than you were willing to admit. You’d nearly fallen asleep in your chair several times, but you couldn’t bring yourself to leave. Couldn’t bring yourself to interrupt the scene in front of you.

“Bucky,” Wanda called. Bucky had been on the periphery of the conversation for a while. He hadn’t spoken, but he’d caught your eye every once in a while. Steve and Sam had mentioned him and nodded or gestured to him, indicating his presence, so everyone knew he was there, but he remained quiet.

“I think it’s time Y/N returned to her room.” “Huh? No. I’m-”

“You’re not ‘just fine’,” Wanda interrupted when you tried to disagree, “you nearly passed out twice in the last five minutes. Now, let Bucky take you back to your room.”

“That’s a pretty intense ‘Mom Voice’ there, Wanda,” you grumbled. She shot you a smile as Bucky came to stand in front of your chair.

“You okay?” he asked. You knew that he likely believed Wanda, and wanted to take you to your room as well, but the fact that he checked with you made you smile.

“She’s right,” you admitted quietly, so only Bucky would hear, “I just wanted to stay.”

Bucky’s smile was small but indulgent as he gently rested his right hand on your cheek momentarily. “No one’s goin’ anywhere, Doll. Got plenty of time to listen to everyone gab tomorrow.” He moved behind you, unlocked the wheels of your chair, and slowly started to wheel you out of the room.

Or he tried to anyway. Tony stepped just to the side of the doorway before Bucky could exit.

As Bucky paused, Tony bent and pressed a kiss to your temple. “Barnes is right. You can listen to us talk tomorrow, but you gotta rest, okay?” He looked worried again, like he thought you might try to get up leave your room again.

You smiled. “I promise I will go straight to bed, Tony.”

Tony straightened up, and rested a hand on your shoulder before looking to Bucky. “Make sure she stays in bed, Barnes. We both know she’s lying.”

“Aw, c’mon!” you grumbled. Tony smiled, squeezed your shoulder a little, and walked away.

It wasn’t until the elevator door closed behind you that Bucky spoke.

“I didn’t expect-” Bucky cleared his throat, “I’m surprised he spoke to me.”

Slowly, your arm shaking with exhaustion, you reached back and grasped Bucky’s left hand where it was curled around the handle of your chair.

“He’s trying, Bucky. I think he understands, at least, he understands more. He wants to give you a chance.” Bucky didn’t respond as the doors opened on your floor, and you didn’t push him.

Bucky wheeled you into your room and insisted on helping you from the chair to your bed. While you tried to talk him out of it, he turned down your blankets, and adjusted your pillows. You were mid argument when he bent and picked you up.

He only held you for a few moments, and as soon as you were released, you wanted to crawl back into his arms. He moved to settle your blankets over you and fussed with them for a second before you rested a hand on his forearm.

When he met your gaze, you gave him a somewhat sleepy smile. “Thank you, Bucky.”

“Nothin’ to thank me for, sweetheart.” You hummed in response, but gripped his arm when he moved to leave.

“Stay? Please.” You blushed, but didn’t stop yourself from asking him to stay. Out of everyone, you really wanted to spend time with Bucky. You hadn’t seen him since before the rescue mission, and though you’d been unconscious, you felt like you’d missed him. A lot.

Bucky seemed to freeze for a moment, but settled into the chair that Tony had left beside your bed. He didn’t remove your hand, but rested his left one on top of yours where it lay on his right arm.

“Okay, Doll. Whatever you need.”

“Really?” you asked in a mischievous tone.

Bucky snorted. “Well, Stark said to make sure you stay in bed, so nothing that involves you getting up.”

“How exactly are you planning on keeping me here?” You asked skeptically. “I’ll just wait till you leave.”

“Then I’ll stay all night,” Bucky countered, his eyes narrowing just a fraction.

“Mmm, what if you fall asleep?”

Bucky gave you a scathing look that made you laugh. “What? The big, bad Winter Soldier doesn’t occasionally fall asleep when he’s clearly tired, in a safe place, and already in pj’s?” you asked gesturing to him. He was wearing a soft hoodie and sweatpants, and he did have some pretty dark circles under his eyes.

Bucky cocked his head before responding. And his response came in the form of releasing your hand, and standing up. For a second, you thought he was leaving, and your heart sank.

You weren’t sure you were ready to put into words how you felt about Bucky, but you knew. You knew you cared for him as more than a friend, as more than a teammate. You were worried that what you’d intended to be light-hearted teasing, perhaps firiting, had hurt or upset him. Which had you trying to push yourself upright in your bed.

“What do you think you’re doin?” Bucky asked as he sat on the other side of your bed. He hadn’t laid you in the center before, and he was now sitting on the unoccupied half of your mattress. While you’d panicked, he’d removed his hoodie, leaving him in a t-shirt and his sweats. As he laid down next to you, he gently tugged you closer to him and laid his right arm over your midsection.

“How’s this then?” he asked quietly, “think you can get out now?”

A split second passed before a smile spread across your face. “Guess we’ll find out won’t we?”

Bucky laughed. You felt his breath tickle across your face, felt the vibration of his laugh in his chest where your arm rested against it. His warmth seeping into you.

Within moments, you were asleep. Cuddled against Bucky’s chest, his arms around you, both of you smiling as you slept.

Voiceless Tags (Open):

@lostinspace33, @kaitymccoy123, @owhatshername1, @saysay125, @sammysgirl1997, @bunnymother93,  @henrietteoaks, @moistpotatobear, @thatcrazybookwormgeek, @kathieycarrerarosshley ,  @coconutknees, @shamelessbookaddict, @badwolf-87, @lexie-mo, @inumorph, @kathieycarrerarosshley, @unknownuserhasjoined , @just-a-littlebit-of-everything

Perma Tags (Open): @buckyappreciationsociety , @17marvelousfreak , @melconnor2007 , @writingwithadinosaur , @whenallsaidanddone , @hello-sweetie-get-the-salt , @umwhatandrea , @pineapplebooboo , @thefridgeismybestie , @xlemon-limex , @sammysgirl1997 , @4theluvofall , @geeksareunique , @madcheshire89 , @shakzer00 , @ajimagines , @battlebunnyteardropsinthesun , @mummy-woves-you , @isnt-the-blog-youre-looking-for , @strangersstranger

Avengers Perma Tags (Open): @ldyhawkeye , @gonnadiereading

Bucky/Sebastian Tags (Open):

@waywardpumpkin, @smileybear17, @not-sebastian-stan

[dammit-stark]

good ol’ cousin sam

I‘m rewatching Spiderman: Homecoming and I just realized that the P.E teacher’s name is Mr Wilson so now allow me to present to you my theory that this Mr Wilson is the legendary Sam Wilson’s underperforming cousin... this was originally a head canon but I gotta admit this became not-a-headcanon many, many words ago

no pairing - - 2.3k words

While the family favorite Sam joins the Armed Forces to fight for his country, the other Wilson cousin- let’s call him Raymond, Ray to his friends and family- goes to a local community college and receives a degree in physical education.

Sam’s a few years older, has been climbing the ranks in the military for a few years before Ray even gets into college, and he continues to fight while Ray passes math tests and writes essays that get torn up with red pen. Ray graduates middle of his class. 

The whole family comes to the graduation, except for Sam who’s stuck overseas. Sam sends a real nice congratulatory card anyway and Ray tacks it up on his dresser right next to the card from their Nana who passed and above the picture of the whole family ten years prior.  

Too soon, cousin Sam gets discharged from the military with full honor for some unfortunate freak accident that leaves him injured and itching to fly. Almost all the details surrounding the accident are classified, leaving all their nieces and nephews guessing after supernatural means or clandestine alien attacks. Their imaginative guesses leave Sam trying not to break out into hysterical laughter and Ray rolling his eyes over and over again. Sam missed being home. Ray just likes that the whole family is back together again, complete and whole and good for the soul. 

Ray starts coming back home on the weekends for a few weeks to make sure his cousin is doing alright.

At Auntie Glinda’s, they watch football and eat Uncle Greg's homemade chili as if they were teenagers again. It’s like any other weekend for Ray. It feels weird for Sam, who hates having his feet on the ground and his hands in his lap, but there’s nothing anybody can do about it. He puts on a smiling face, does his best to slip back into the family, but it’s all a little too forlorn to fit right, like the last piece of the jigsaw puzzle had a rip in it and the picture is just barely incomplete.

Sam refuses to watch Top Gun when little Billy so sweetly asks. He helps Auntie Glinda with dinner, but makes himself scarce otherwise. Ray notices, but doesnt know what to make of it.

After a few weeks, Ray stops coming by in all his free time, spends some time at his apartment, gets a cat named Hammy, joins a gym. Sam doesn’t need him. In fact, Sam up and leaves for DC, as independent and ready to move as ever. Before he leaves, he tells Ray that if he was gonna be grounded, he couldn’t imagine not at least trying to help others, whatever that means. Ray just smiles and nods and tries to imagine himself outside of New York. He just can’t see it.

Again, they part ways; things are good.

Then, around the same time that Ray gets his first job at a public school in the center of Queens, Sam meets Steve Rogers.

It’s not the best job in the world, a lot of the kids mouth off and tend to complain when they play anything that isn’t dodgeball, but it’s a job and it pays the bills. On Fridays, Ray orders himself a pizza from the Domino’s down the street and he gets take-out from the Thai place by the school every Wednesday. He’s not saving children in a third world country somewhere like his cousin always did, but he’s happy enough and that’s all that matters.

Out of the blue one day, Ray gets a job offer for a teaching position at a private school for gifted teenagers. He doesn’t remember ever applying for the position, but it comes with a pretty hefty pay raise and an office that doesn’t smell suspiciously like a festering rat problem, so he accepts the offer.

Completely coincidentally, his promotion coincides with the rise of Queens’ Amazing Spiderman on the public’s (and the Avengers’) media radar. Ray had watched in awe as the news revealed the first footage of their local vigilante. Another superhero? A lot of people complain, but Ray doesn’t mind. He never really had a problem with spiders anyway. Birds had always irked him, something about the freakish wingspan and their frail yet powerful little bodies, but spiders were always fine. He spends the night after learning the moniker of Queens’ new hero holed up in his bedroom under the covers watching Spider-Man compilations on his laptop. Late at night, when his brain slows down and he sees that red suit when he closes his eyes, Ray finds himself imagining Sam’s face beneath that mask. 

Cousin Sam just so happens to move back to New York around the same time, too. Another complete coincidence. He starts coming around and visiting about once a week or so. Thai night turns into burger night with frequent guest appearances by Sam, food courtesy of the family diner down the street. The nice family have his and Sam’s order down pat within a month.

Once everything settles and Ray gets used to the promotion, he decides the job’s actually pretty nice. The kids are generally less athletic and less enthusiastic than at his old school, most too busy with their nose stuck in a book or worrying over the state of their manicure to go after the dodgeball, but they’re attentive and for the most part are too afraid of failing his class to dare sassing him too much. Once a week he has to supervise a detention, but considering that it’s a school full of suck-up geniuses, detention is usually pretty barren. At the very least his college debt is nearly paid off. That’s cool.

The same day that one of his students, Pete, stumbles into class with a black eye and a wicked limp for probably the third time, Tony Stark shows up at school.

The rumors about his presence flutter incessantly in the Teacher’s Lounge like the words themself has sprouted wings and were determined to bother each and every person in the room. The science teachers sound like they‘re about to pass out from excitement. Raymond himself doesn’t really get what the big deal is- Tony Stark is just another person. Sure, he had a big shiny suit and he fought crime or whatever, but his cousin Sam fought for the people of the country, too, but you don’t see people wigging out over Sam’s sheer presence.

Ray really just wants to eat his lunch, that’s it. He had picked up a chicken salad sandwich from the bodega under his apartment before heading to work that morning and Nancy made the best chicken salad. A quiet lunch unfettered by gossip. That day, Ray learns that history teachers are surprisingly interested in gossip considering their coursework was based on 200 year old facts.

The last thing Ray expects when he gets back to his not-rat-infested office after lunch is for Tony Stark to be waiting for him. It’s quite a turn of events.

“You’re Tony Stark,” Ray says dumbly from the doorway of his own office. He’d just spent half his lunch being forced into a one-sided conversation about the recent advancements of StarkTech upstate, something about unprecedented, unimagined technology that the market itself isn’t ready for. One man did that alone, tinkered in his office at two am and all but broke the stock market with the sheer power of his brain. This man is standing in Ray’s office. It’s weird. 

Inside, Tony Stark is leaning back in Ray’s creaky office chair, his feet propped up on the desk next to a precariously tall stack of physicals that Ray hadn’t taken the time to peruse through.

Tony Stark peers over his orange tinted sunglasses to reveal a devilish black eye that he seems entirely unperturbed by. He lets his feet fall to the ground with a thud and his face is entirely serious, “Coach Wilson, right?” He says, “Come on in. Take a seat. I won’t bite.”

Ray inches forward, eyes narrowed. There’s a billionaire in his office, beckoning him in, and he doesn’t know why. This wasn’t something that happened to him every day.

As Ray sits, Tony rises from the office chair to peruse the degrees hanging on the wall. Ray remembers one of the science teachers gushing about how Tony Stark went to MIT or some super fancy college with an acronym or something. Tony flicks the bobblehead on the shelf beneath the frames and Wilson can’t look away.

Neither of them says anything. Tony watches the oversized head bobble on the bookshelf as Ray watches the mysterious billionaire. The quiet aches. 

“That chair has awful lumbar support by the way,” The billionaire says suddenly, picking up an old baseball cap and sniffing it carefully. His hands are always moving. Ray sits back in the chair himself, but doesn’t say anything about it. The furniture creaks.

“Mr Stark,” Ray says eventually, “Is there something I can do for you?”

“Actually,” Stark says, turning around, his face serious for the first time since he’d stepped into the office, “I believe there’s something I can do for you.”

Ray realizes then that Stark’s suit is wrinkled, a possible stain forgotten at the hem of the graphic tee shirt. Every description ever given about Tony Stark has provided an image of pristine carelessness, of confidence and ease. Tony Stark’s hands can’t seem to stop twitching. It’s kind of unsettling.

“Have you watched the news lately?” Stark asks.

“I’m more of an ESPN guy myself.”

Tony hums thoughtfully, glances over at the wall of community college degrees for a second time.

“From what I’ve gathered, your cousin is Airman First Class Sam Wilson. He visits you every other Wednesday, checks in on you,” Ray skin prickles. Suddenly, Tony looks like steel, “Is this correct?”

Ray just nods.

“An incident occured in Germany. Your cousin was involved.”

Ray had long been told tales of his cousin’s heroics. Sam usually told them with an air of modesty, a dash of pride. Tony doesn’t spare him the expense.

“Was he injured? Is he okay?”

An out-of-place expression of hilarity traverses Tony’s face And he all but laughs, “No, no. Our, um, friend Sam is fine, scrapefree for the most part actually,” His eyes go weird and unfocused for a moment before returning to Ray like a laser gone haywire, “Unfortunately, he was caught on the wrong side of things. For an indefinite period of time, he will be in prison. Mr Wilson, your cousin is a criminal.”

No. Ray’s cousin was no criminal. No way. Sam joined the army, went off and fought somebody else’s battle instead of getting a degree, instead of living a safe life. He has a big heart with this wretched piece of PTSD shoved between its plates of steel. Sure, things got a little twisted after the whole thing with his friend up there in the sky, but he would always be a good man. Sam Wilson was a hero. Not a criminal. Tony Stark was supposed to be smart, not slanderous, and definitely not wrong. 

“I think you’re talking about the wrong Sam Wilson.”

Tony’s hands twitch, “No, no, I think I’ve got the right one.”

A silence befalls them.

“I don’t believe you,” Ray accuses. Just because Tony Stark was a billionaire with an ego didn’t mean he could just waltz into somebody else’s office and defame their cousin right to their face, “You’re lying.”

“Tell me,” Stark says, “How is it you think you got this job? All on your own?”

Ray stares.

“Yeah, no,” Tony wipes a finger along a dust covered bookshelf, circles the office again. It’s a pretty small office. He paces over his own footsteps as he continues, “Sorry to break it to you, but you were all part of the plan. Wilson’s plan. But he- he messed up.”

Tony looks hurt. There’s a crack in the facade, a break in the airwaves. Ray’s so used to coaching emotional teenagers through the inevitable products of sleep deprivation and hormones every day, he spots it from a mile away. Tony continues like it’s nothing, a tendril of something else, not pain or betrayal or some drama that’s far beneath his celebrity status. God, Ray’s so tired.

“Where’s Sam? He demands, leaning forward against his desk, “Did you do something to him?”

“Sam Wilson is currently located in the most secure prison in the world. In the middle of the Atlantic. Otherwise undisclosed. Confidential, you have to understand.”

Ray’s eyes are narrowed dangerously on Tony Stark.

“What could he possibly have done?”

Ray isn’t thinking about himself anymore, he doesn’t care if he got his job through improper means or through hard work or through whispers up a chain of command. He just wants to know what happened to his cousin. He wants to know what happened to the good, caring, hard-working man that he had deigned to call family.

“Look,” Tony supplants, hands waving animatedly as his feet finally remain still, “It’s all very complicated. He broke some laws, defied the UN. It’s where he belongs, he put himself there,” Tony only looks distantly sorry, a regret misplaced from another dimension of time maybe, “In the end, he lost his title.”

“What title? I know for a fact that my cousin hasn’t been in service in years.”

Tony just stares, eyes narrowed, “Do you not know?”

Ray remains quiet, and then Tony’s eyes grow. He takes a seat opposite Ray, hands gripping the ledge of the metal desk as he peers into the confusion flashing across Ray’s express, “Oh my god, you don’t know.”

Ray crosses his arms, and Tony has to hand it to him, he’s certainly an indignant man, “I know everything I need to know about my cousin, Mr Stark. You don’t need to come in here and tell me things that don’t need to be said. I’d like it if you left.”

Tony’s grip tightens. He looks… confused, maybe a little out of place, suddenly uncomfortable or maybe doubtful or maybe they’re one in the same, but he makes no move to rise, “How do you not know?” The silence is enough, “Raymond,” He says seriously, “Sam Wilson is- was- an Avenger. He went by the codename Falcon. He had gone on nearly fifty missions with us. He lived in the Tower most weekends. You didn’t know?”

Ray doesn’t believe it.

While he was here, in the middle of dingy ol’ Queens with a bachelor’s degree from an unassuming college and a neatly laid out weekly menu, Sam was off in Manhattan lounging around with billionaires and saving the world over and over again. Then again, maybe it isn’t so out of the question, it’s just… a lot at once.

“Why are you telling me this?” Ray demands. His head is starting to hurt. Who would have thought that megalomaniac superheroes could be worse to deal with than moody, brainiac teenagers being forced to exert themselves physically for a grade?

Tony shrugs, “Why do you think?” He’s nonchalant, at ease, a line of platitudes expressed over his face before he finally says, “We’re really shorthanded with all the dissenters. I wanna offer you a job.”

“Wait- what?”

Tony looks more than a little smug, “Let me tell you about a kid named Spider-Man.”

[ladylynse]

Snapshots: Phantom never changed, even though everything--everyone--else did. Even Dani. Especially Dani. Danny didn’t realize what that meant until later. AU  [FF | AO3]

Based off this post featuring @ghostgabber’s AU where Danny’s human half ages but his ghost half doesn’t; for @faiasakura and Phanniemay 2018 Day 24. Eventual character death. (This was getting long, so I’m going to split it into two parts.)

It was a moment of time frozen forever, but Danny didn’t realize that at first.

The changes were gradual; though his parents joked about it, he really didn’t shoot up overnight, and it took time for him to fill out his scrawny frame. He couldn’t hear the changes in his voice, and it’s not like he tried to grow out his hair or grow a beard. (The less he looked like Vlad, the better.) His face eventually lost the boyishness of youth, and he was unmistakably a young man.

But Phantom never changed.

It was embarrassing at first, especially with Sam and Tucker and Jazz teasing him about it relentlessly. Geez, Danny, you could give the little match girl a run for her money. He’d thought his ghost form would change with him. You’re shorter than me and you know it; you’re my little brother. He’d seen the other ghosts change their forms over the years; why did his stay the same? Oh, man, you look so puny!

Look young though he did, his powers grew. He honed his skills, and any ghost who knew his reputation didn’t cross him. Some of them seemed to pop up and attack for old time’s sake—Skulker and the Box Ghost being the most frequent—but he became friends with most of them. Johnny 13 would let him help fix his motorcycle (Danny still wasn’t sure whether it had ever actually broken if it was just a peace offering, but he wasn’t complaining), and Ember actually invited him to one of the concerts she held in the Ghost Zone.

Danny’s grades had never been good enough for him to get into the space program, and despite his parents expressing their support for him to pursue whatever he wanted, he chose to stay in Amity Park after high school instead of applying to college. He’d wanted to assure himself that the town wouldn’t be overrun in his absence. Sam and Tucker had been reluctant to leave him on his own, but Tucker had been offered a great scholarship to MIT, and Sam wouldn’t have been happy staying under her parents’ roof any longer. Even Valerie left, though judging by her visits home, she monitored the news from her hometown closely.

So instead of seeking higher education, Danny officially took up the family business. With Jazz off at university, he could no longer depend on her to monitor their parents’ inventions. And by working more closely with them, he got a better idea of their views. They still had no love for Phantom, but they were eventually willing to (begrudgingly) admit that Phantom did a good job protecting the town.

It was a start.

It made him think he’d be able to tell them, eventually.

When it became clear that Phantom wasn’t physically changing to match Fenton, Danny used that to his advantage. They didn’t resemble each other as much as they once had, and the fact that they didn’t was seemingly further proof that there was no connection between them whatsoever. Not that anyone had really been looking. Not that he’d known of, at least. But if anyone had, now it could be laughed off as a strange coincidence, not used as potential evidence of what should be an impossibility.

If the Guys in White were still sniffing around, they hadn’t shown their faces in years. Danny rather hoped that their department’s funding had been cut and the program was now defunct, but he wasn’t going to get sloppy because of that assumption. He couldn’t afford to. It was better if next to no one knew his secret. It was still safer. For him. For his friends. For Dani.

The first time he realized the changes—or lack thereof—weren’t simply physical was during one of Dani’s visits, actually. He’d been twenty at the time and over at Sam’s to escape some of the Christmas-y-ness of his own house and to visit with her and Tucker while they were home for the holidays. Dani had dropped by with Youngblood to remind him where everyone was gathering for the Christmas Truce.

Sam and Tucker had thought she’d come alone.

No one had corrected them, and that had been the beginning.

“Maybe you just need to get out of this town,” Dani said as they flew over Amity Park. “Travel the world. Actually see something. Maybe that’ll jumpstart whatever’s not developing.”

Danny huffed. As Phantom, he still looked like he was fourteen. Dani, on the other hand, looked twice his age and barely resembled the scrappy twelve year old she’d once been, no matter what form she took.

It wasn’t fair.

She was a clone.

He shouldn’t have to be stuck looking like snot-nosed kid when he was in his thirties.

“I’m serious,” she said. “Tell your parents you want to see about expanding their company. Use Vlad as an excuse if you have to. I can hang around here for a while if that’ll make you feel better, but I doubt any of the ghosts are going to break your truce.”

She had a point. It had taken years of negotiations—begun, of course, during the Christmas Truce, when he could hold a decent conversation without trading shots—but he’d worked out a system, more or less. If the ghosts didn’t harm anyone when they came, he’d allow them to visit without interfering.

The Box Ghost still made a mess of things, but he was no more terrifying than usual. Johnny 13 and Kitty became regular visitors, along with Wulf and Dora and occasionally Youngblood and Klemper. Poindexter had even dropped by on occasion. Ember was limited to one concert in the Real World per tour, but Technus was free to scavenge for recycled or abandoned electronics as long as he did all his compilations in the Ghost Zone. (Danny was pretty sure he was still planning world domination, but a strategic comment regarding his skills had him competing with Skulker in a rivalry that kept both ghosts fairly busy.)

“I don’t think the fact that I haven’t travelled the world is the reason for this.”

Dani shrugged. “Suit yourself. But don’t rule it out till you try it, cuz. Travelling’s about the experience, not the destination. You’re not going to find out what a place is really like from a TV screen.”

Danny pulled up short, and Dani flew back to join him. “You think I’m wasting my life by staying here, don’t you? Dani, I’m protecting people.”

She crossed her arms. “You were protecting people,” she corrected, “and then you fixed it so that they don’t need you anymore. By staying here and claiming you’re protecting this town? You’re just trying to protect yourself.”

“Dani—”

“You have a family. And you can’t tell me you think they wouldn’t accept you after everything. So obviously that’s not why you’re not telling them. But maybe you think you’re trying to protect them now, instead in of yourself. Protecting them from the truth. You’re forgetting how much lies hurt, and you’re shortchanging them for thinking they can’t handle this.”

“That’s crazy!”

“Yeah, but it’s true. You’re not telling them because you don’t want to admit you’ve been lying to them.”

“I’m not—”

“You didn’t even try to pursue your dreams once you thought it was safe to do so. And, yeah, fine, so maybe it would’ve been hard to’ve become an astronaut, but there are other jobs out there relating to space that you definitely could’ve done. You’re smart, Danny. Intuitive, which is worth much more than book smarts. But even when your parents were willing to let you go, you stayed. If I’m dead wrong, then why are you still here?”

“I like what I do, Dani.” Normally, he’d give her points for the pun, but not now. “And Amity Park still needs Phantom, whatever you think. Pretty much every time I let my guard down, someone comes through and tries to destroy the world.”

“That hasn’t happened since your truce.”

“And you think I’m going to tempt fate with my luck?”

Dani shot him an exasperated look. “C’mon, cuz, you can concede my point. I mean…. I get if you don’t want to tell them about me. You’re my family. I don’t need anyone else.” Lies, judging by her face, and that made them more painful for it. “But you still need them. They’re your family. And this isn’t a good reason to push them away or just put up with them trying to kill you whenever you’re in ghost mode. They wouldn’t if they knew the truth. And I get it’s been easier to keep your secret from them because Phantom hasn’t changed, but…. Think about what you’re taking away from them by keeping this up.”

She wasn’t really wrong. He did think his parents would accept him if he finally told them, and he really didn’t want to admit that he’d been living a lie for years. If he told them about Dani, they’d probably accept her, too. But he just….

This was easier, in a way. Predictable. And he didn’t have to deal with Vlad hovering over him, demanding to know why he’d done what he had when the truth endangered his secret, too.

He hadn’t talked to Vlad in years except when he couldn’t help it, but he might have to. Dani was right about something else, too: whatever this was, it couldn’t be normal. Not when she was his clone and she wasn’t affected by…whatever this was. To Danny’s eye, Plasmius had never changed, but it’s not like Vlad had ever pulled out pictures from his days as a young halfa. So what if something was wrong? And if there was something wrong, who was affected? Him or Dani?

“Look, cuz, fun as this has been, I need to head out of state again. Valerie wants me to back her up while she checks something out. I’ll call you later. Just…please, think about what I said.”

She took off without waiting for a response.

Vlad raised his eyebrows. “You’re only asking me this now, little badger?”

Danny bristled. He still hated that nickname. And even though he was taller than Vlad in his human form, the other halfa hadn’t changed his ways. “Just tell me.”

Vlad shuffled the papers on his desk, playing for time and just trying to make Danny squirm. It didn’t improve his mood. But while Dani hadn’t brought it up again, Danny had been thinking about what she’d said that day—and, more to the point, what had been bothering him since he’d first realized that her ghost form was changing while his stubbornly stayed the same. That was why he was here, now, crashing at Vlad’s unannounced and demanding answers.

He hadn’t wanted to give Vlad warning, since the old fruit loop might use the time to prepare convenient answers that seemed to be the truth but were really just what Danny wanted to hear.

“Danielle is a clone, my dear boy, but she is not a perfect one. For obvious reasons.”

Danny rolled his eyes. “Just spit it out.” Vlad never got straight to the point when he could go on and on. While he had more or less given up on the whole idea of getting Danny to turn on Jack and be the son Vlad had never had or of creating a reasonable facsimile, he still enjoyed the attention. And antagonizing Danny at every turn.

“How’s your biology?”

“Aside from what I need to know? Terrible.”

Vlad sighed. “Then suffice to say, little badger, that by her very nature, Danielle’s body will age faster than yours.”

Danny just stared at him.

“One of her imperfections is her instability. You may have stabilized her once, Daniel, but she is not exactly conservative in her actions, and such wear and tear is hardly the best thing for her fragile body. I must admit I cut quite a few corners accelerating her age to twelve years when I first started; it’s surprising that she does not appear older than her current age now.”

Danny opened his mouth, closed it, licked his lips, and tried again. “So, what, one of these days, she’ll destabilize again? Why didn’t you tell me this years ago? How can we stop it?��

“It’s not a process that can be stopped. There are simply too many mutations within her genome, and cytolysis seems to have been introduced with the accelerated aging—”

“And you haven’t figured out how to fix it?” Danny growled, knowing his eyes were burning green but hating that Vlad had kept this knowledge to himself, that he was content with letting Dani die so easily. “We have to save her!”

“There isn’t anything we can do.”

“But there has—”

“Daniel. Her aging isn’t normal. Surely you’ve realized that, considering that your own ghost form hasn’t changed.”

“That just makes me the abnormal one,” Danny bit out. “Other ghosts have changed and grown. It’s not just the shapeshifters.”

“The other ghosts are ghosts. Have you really not figured this out? It’s been years, Daniel. I had thought you at least a little cleverer than this.”

Danny was about to retort when Vlad’s words clicked. He’d made a distinction between ghosts and halfas and already made it fairly clear that Dani’s apparently normal growth was the furthest thing from it. Which meant…. “You’re not aging, either? In ghost mode, I mean?”

Vlad leaned back in his chair and changed into Plasmius. “Do I still look so old to your young eyes?”

Plasmius didn’t resemble Masters as much as Phantom resembled Danny’s human half, but— “No. You look…. Geez, you almost look younger than me.”

“I am. I was in my mid-twenties when your insufferable father caused the proto-portal to explode in my face. But this form has its advantages, little badger. It becomes more and more difficult to give up.”

“Uh huh.”

Vlad gave him a level look, a slight curve of his lip the only indication that he disapproved of Danny’s flat tone. “You’ll understand someday. Youth isn’t something to be scorned.”

“You can’t talk. Plasmius doesn’t look like a teenager. People don’t look at you in ghost mode and not respect you. I swear, the kids these days—”

Vlad cut him off with an amused chuckle. “And you call me old. But let an old man teach you a lesson you should have already learned: accept what you cannot change.”

“What, not be the change you want to see?”

“You were always good at changing things, Daniel, but you never quite got the hang of accepting them.”

“I handled the half ghost thing well enough,” Danny muttered. He wasn’t sure what Vlad was trying to do by giving him this so-called advice, but he was more concerned about everything else the other man had said. If he wasn’t lying about Dani…. “Did you really not figure out a way to stabilize your clones? I mean, you could’ve adapted your own mid-morph sample if you were messing with DNA anyway.”

Vlad frowned, though Danny didn’t know if that was because he was incorrect or just grossly oversimplifying things. “Is that really your biggest concern right now?”

“Yes!”

“Then you haven’t learned anything at all. Run along, little badger. Try to prove me wrong. But don’t be surprised when you fail.”

“So you still haven’t told her, huh?”

Danny phased his hand through the wall of his old bedroom to the empty space where he kept a vial of Dani’s ectoplasm. He’d had to beg it off Vlad, not wanting to tell Dani what he was doing until he found a way to fix this, so he was careful with it; he wouldn’t have the opportunity to get more. Fortunately, his parents weren’t home right now, which meant he had free reign of the lab—and it meant he could have Jazz on speakerphone. “There’s gotta be a way around it. C’mon, haven’t you come across anything?” As of last week, Tucker hadn’t had anything, either, and according to Sam’s text yesterday, her best attempt at a lead had fizzled.

“You’re the one working with Mom and Dad, not me. I haven’t been covered in ectoplasmic goo in years.” Danny opened his mouth, but Jazz continued before he had a chance to say anything. “I know, I know. I’m keeping an ear to the ground, but I don’t think I’m going to be much help. You should ask Mom.”

“That would require more explaining than I’m prepared to do,” Danny pointed out as he headed downstairs. Jazz was just trying to make the point again that he should tell them his secret, especially now that he’d finally—finally—gotten them to agree to work with Phantom more overtly than ever before. He knew they didn’t trust him much, but they were getting older, and they weren’t as quick or—at least in his mom’s case—as accurate a shot as they’d once been. He’d told them, as both Danny and as Phantom, to turn on Phantom if he ever went bad, but that was as much for their comfort as for his.

He didn’t want to be let loose on the world if, for some reason, he was being controlled or anything like that. Valerie knew that, too. She didn’t need to live in Amity Park or Elmerton to keep up on the news, and Phantom going rogue? She’d pay attention to that.

But he hadn’t told her his secret, either, even after she’d accepted Dani. Because that wasn’t the same. On that point, it did come down to cowardice. Like Dani had said, he didn’t want to admit to the years of lies. And, brief though the period had been, he had dated Valerie. She might take that as a betrayal of trust. Willing to work with her enemies though she might be, she could definitely hold a grudge.

Of course, mad at him as she might initially be, she would get over it. Eventually. And then he’d have someone else to help him solve this problem with Dani before it was too late. He was beyond pretending that he didn’t need help.

“And you tried talking to Vlad again?”

“He’s no help and you know it,” Danny said as he flicked on the lights in the lab. “He gave up on her a long time ago. As far as he’s concerned, he’s humouring me. Waiting for me to realize I can’t do anything. As if I’m going to abandon her.”

A sigh. “Danny, I know how much this means to you, but you need to talk to someone who knows more than we do. Sam and Tucker have their own lives now. They can’t drop everything to help you as easily anymore.”

“And neither can you,” Danny finished. “I know. I’m not asking you to do that. I’m just—” From Jazz’s end, someone leaned on a car horn. Danny winced. That was the downside of calling Jazz in the middle of the day; if she was somewhere she could talk to him, then she was in transit, fighting her way through what seemed to be constant traffic. She walked as much as she could, claiming it kept her fit, but Danny suspected the truth was one too many close calls with drivers little better than their father. “Someone got cut off?” he guessed.

“Patience is hard to come by in the big city,” was all Jazz said. “Sometimes it feels like you’re risking life and limb even venturing out onto the sidewalk.”

“But your patients thank you for it,” Danny said, grinning as he imagined Jazz’s eye roll. “And I’m grateful that you still put up with these phone calls from me. You’re a life saver, Jazz. Really.” He glanced at his watch. “You’ve got, what, ten minutes till you want to be there for your next appointment?”

“Yeah. It would be tight if I didn’t give myself a few extra minutes. But you didn’t call to talk about me. Was it really just to see if I’ve miraculously discovered something to help Dani?”

She knew it wasn’t; her tone made that perfectly clear.

She could still read him like a book.

“Dani was wrong. About me just needing to travel, I mean. Since Vlad confirmed that he’s the same as me…. The joke about me being half dead might not be as much of a joke as I thought. Phantom’s never going to change, Jazz. I could be ninety, and if I go ghost, then bam! Wimpy teenager. Again.”

Jazz snorted. “Phantom can’t exactly be described as wimpy, and I don’t think perpetually looking like a teenager is what you’re really worried about. You aren’t losing yourself whenever you change, little brother. Just because you look like your past self, it doesn’t mean you’re becoming him. You’ve grown a lot over the past couple of decades, even if you can’t see that growth on the outside. That face in the mirror is still yours, and you’re still you. Phantom might be almost unrecognizable alongside Fenton, but that dissociation isn’t—”

Jazz’s words ended in a shriek, difficult to distinguish over screaming tires and blaring horns. After a loud crackle, the line went dead.

Danny’s shouts went unheard.

A warm hand dropped onto his shoulder. “She’s gone, sweetie,” Maddie said quietly as she moved around to join him at her kitchen table. “We have to accept that.” He’d come over for a visit, found them both out, and sat there to drink some tea which had long since gone cold. He hadn’t heard them come back. He had also apparently missed the kettle boiling, as she held her own steaming mug as if she were going to attempt the same thing he had. He wondered if she’d be any more successful.

Nothing seemed to be successful lately, including getting some sleep, considering there hadn’t been any ghost attacks.

It had been three weeks.

Three weeks of numbness. Three weeks of anger. Three weeks of tears. Three weeks of being an emotional mess, swinging between feel nothing (dead inside) and feeling too much.

Three weeks of that unfinished conversation repeating itself whenever he closed his eyes, always ending the same way.

Maddie pushed the warm mug toward him and pulled his untouched one away. He stared at it dully for a moment before slowly curling his fingers around it in acceptance. The patterns of steam in the air were mesmerizing. “This is incredibly hard for all of us, honey,” his mother said. “You should consider talking to someone like Jack and I do. Jazz would have wanted that.”

You don’t know what she wanted. He couldn’t bring himself to voice those words, though; there was no reason for such venom. Had a ghost taken Jazz from them, no one in their family would have hesitated. They would have been able to spring into action and take down the ghost, stopping it from doing this to anyone else even if they weren’t in time to save Jazz.

But it hadn’t been a ghost.

It had been an ordinary human. Driving. Drowsy, maybe, or drunk or texting. Danny didn’t know for sure. All he did know was that the man had run onto the sidewalk and hadn’t been able to stop fast enough. He’d hit Jazz and a few other pedestrians. He’d died from his injuries after a few days in the hospital; the others had, as far as Danny knew, recovered.

Jazz hadn’t even made it to the hospital.

“This isn’t right,” Danny whispered. “Jazz has too much left to do.”

Maddie found his hand and squeezed it. “I know it hurts, sweetie. Your heart is aching with her absence. But she’s gone, and you have to accept that. We can’t change it.”

Her words made him remember the conversation he’d had with Vlad years ago. “You were always good at changing things, Daniel, but you never quite got the hang of accepting them.”

But did he have to accept this? Jazz’s death had been abrupt, senseless, and had come well before it should have. She was the definition of someone with unfinished business in this realm. Didn’t that mean there was a chance that she was out there somewhere? Lost in the Ghost Zone, trying to recollect her memories of her past self or trying to muster up the energy to move through the Ghost Zone, find their portal, and break through?

Danny let out a slow breath. “She might not be gone gone.” He tore his eyes away from the mug and looked at Maddie. “She might be out there. In the Ghost Zone. Mom, I might be able to find her.”

Maddie’s smile was small. Sympathetic. Saddened. “Jazz wouldn’t have wanted to come back as a ghost, sweetie.”

“That’s not necessarily a choice! And if she’s out there—”

“Even if something is out there that resembles her, Danny, it wouldn’t be her. You know that.”

“You’re wrong,” he insisted. “You know as well as I do that some of the ghosts in the Ghost Zone are people and animals who had once lived in our realm. They aren’t all just sentient ectoplasmic forms or whatever your latest term for it is. And the ones who aren’t, the ones who were once alive— There’s more of the people they once were in them than you think. Death doesn’t change everything. Jazz would still be Jazz, not just a ghost that looks like her.”

Maddie sighed. “I know it’s a comforting notion, Danny, but you can’t delude yourself with such falsehood.”

“It’s not—”

“Ghosts aren’t alive!” Maddie snapped. Danny blinked, not expecting her anger, and she took a few breaths before saying, “It’s dangerous to hope like that, Danny. You’re just setting yourself up for disappointment, and you know better.”

Danny swallowed. “I know more than you do. I know more than you think.”

Jazz had always wanted him to tell them.

“Danny—”

“Do you remember that accident I had in the lab when I was a kid? The one that sparked the portal? When you wanted me to go to the hospital but I insisted I was fine and Dad was so excited about the portal working that you didn’t push the point?”

Maddie’s lips thinned but she nodded.

“More happened then than I ever told you. I…. I don’t know how it works, exactly. Jazz always understood it better than I did. But my DNA…. Something changed. I think it was infused with ectoplasm.”

There was a frown on her face now, but at least she wasn’t interrupting him. He was surprised she’d let him get this far.

“The thing is….” Danny could still see the steam rising from the mug. He looked down at it and channelled some of his ice powers into his hands. The mug cooled, and the liquid within froze solid as ice painted the outside. He didn’t look up, even though Maddie’s gasp meant she’d seen it as he’d intended. “Everything changed then, Mom. I was just fourteen. I’d been in an accident that probably should have killed me—it was worse than I ever admitted—and…. I came out of it alive and with ghost powers. Which sounds crazy, like something that should be in a cartoon or comic books or something, but it’s not. It happened.” He glanced up and met wide violet eyes. “I can turn into a ghost.”

Silence.

“I’m Danny Phantom, Mom.”

Heartbeats passed.

Maddie let out a slow breath.

Danny waited.

Finally, a quiet, heart-wrenching, “Jazz knew?”

Not what he’d expected, but Danny treated the question as the lifesaver it was. “Not at first,” he admitted, “but she figured it out, and then she helped me. Sam and Tucker knew from the start. And Vlad….” He hesitated. “Vlad knows, too. Since that reunion you dragged us to. He, um, hadn’t entirely given up ghost hunting like you and Dad thought.” That was the safest way to put that. Let Vlad explain it for himself. “But my point is, Mom, I can go into the Ghost Zone and look for Jazz. I’ve been in there before. A lot. And I’ve got friends in there who can help me. We can find her.”

Maddie took a shuddering breath. “Please don’t.”

“I—what?”

The tears that had been gathering in Maddie’s eyes began slow tracks down her cheeks, disturbed as she’d tried to blink them away. “I…. I don’t want to think that she’s a ghost.”

A lump that had nothing to do with grief and everything to do with an old terror filled Danny’s throat. He managed to choke out, “B-but…ghosts aren’t evil, mindless beings. That’s my point. I’m still your son, even though I’m a ghost, too.”

Maddie closed her eyes. “I know. And I….” This time, she was the one having trouble finding the right words. “I still love you, Danny, and so will your father. I don’t have to understand this to know that. But that’s different than what happened to Jazz.”

Relief flooded him, and he found himself smiling as he argued his point. “No, it’s not.” He almost felt like laughing. Jazz was right; he should have done this years ago. He’d have to tell her the good news. “I can go find her, and—”

“Jazz is gone, Danny,” Maddie repeated. “You can’t find her. There isn’t anything here—or in the Ghost Zone—for you to find.”

“But—”

“No. Please, just let your sister rest in peace. For all our sakes.”

Maddie stood and went down to the lab, presumably to find Jack. Danny just stared after her, dumbstruck. He’d thought…. He’d thought she’d be happy, knowing her daughter might not be lost forever.

He headed into the Ghost Zone the next morning anyway, determined to find Jazz.

Part II or see more fics

[violentlydefending]

not all who wander

..& other original works!! :o

i wrote another short story it’s about some guys scared of living out their lives, the prompt was “rebels and runaways” and it’s a lil uhhhh on the nose lmao

and the “& other original works” is uhhhh i just straight up made a big ol’ compilation of all the things i wrote for writer’s craft so if you’d rather read this or anything else i’ve written lately on a google doc (if anyone even wants to read anything i make in the first place at all) the link’s right here! (x) / https://tinyurl.com/bigolwritecomp

“So, what’re you running from?”

A muffled reply came from underneath a pile of blankets.

“Sorry?”

Another muffled reply.

“Can’t hear you, champ.”

It was at that moment that Silas Arronax found himself severely regretting every single decision he’s ever made in his life, since, evidently, they all led to where he currently was.

Getting pestered in the middle of the night by an insufferable prick.

“Silas? Y’still haven’t given me an answer, dude.” Violet Azuba, the insufferable prick in question, poked at the pile when no muffled reply came.

Silas, finally relenting, threw himself out from under the covers, fuming. “Why,” he breathed out, “the fuck are you talking to me.”

Violet raised her arms in a show of peace, then shrugged. “I’m bored, you’re fun to bother, and we’re gonna be travelling together soon, so...” Her voice trailed off, and she grinned.

“And you couldn’t bother me with something more inane, at the very least? I don’t want to talk to you, of all people, about what I’m—” Silas cut himself off, then dismissively waved a hand. “I’m not running from anything.”

Silas had played it off as a correction, but it was clear that it was a lie. At that, Violet’s grin quickly evolved into a cheeky smirk. This only served to infuriate Silas more.

“This inn has a curfew,” Silas muttered. “You’re breaking it.” Silas moved to get back under his blankets as he mumbled, “Go back to your room and bother Grace, instead.”

“She’s nowhere near as fun to talk to as you, dude.”

“Okay!” Silas sat up again, glaring. “I’m serious, leave me alone, or I’ll—”

“C’mon, indulge me, why don’t ya?”

Silas sighed. “Seriously, just—”

“Has it got something to do with that eye?” Violet interrupted, pointing at the eye in question.

Silas froze. He swiftly covered his stitched close eye with a gentle hand, wincing for a moment before scowling. Obviously, Violet was right. She just always had to be right. Still, Silas wasn’t going to give her any satisfaction. At least, not in the way of answers. “I’m going to give you 10 seconds to get out my room willingly,” he glowered, deflecting and threatening.

And even though Silas refused to let any answer leak through, for Violet, the aversion acted as answer enough. It was proof of the fact that Silas really was running away from something. And, of course, Violet had managed to find some satisfaction in knowing that Silas was just as cowardly as she was.

“Only 10?” Violet asked. “But the doorway’s so far away,” she drawled.

This confirmation was very nearly a relief. She wasn’t alone in being afraid. That small comfort made her feel just a bit better, even as Silas used his incredibly overpowered gravity manipulation powers to shove her out of his room.

And although both of them had gotten something they wanted, neither of them ended the night particularly happy.

***

Silas could hear padded footsteps along the hardwood floor. His door creaked open, whining and loud. He groaned.

“Last night, you didn’t answer me, y’know?”

He groaned even louder.

Violet was tenacious. She wasn’t one to give up on things so easily. If she wanted to get an answer, she would stop at nothing. If she wanted further connection, less isolation, less fear of being alone, her stubbornness would stand strong.

Silas was stubborn, as well. If he had to keep forcing Violet out of his room in the middle of the night, he would. If he wanted to avoid, at all costs, any reminders or late-night conversations of things he didn’t have to, didn’t want to discuss, his tenacity would never wear out.

Both of them knew this about the other, but this knowledge didn’t stop either of them from backing down.

Of course it wouldn’t.

So just as Silas was about to shove Violet out, she said, “I can heal that eye, if you’d like.”

Silas paused, sat up properly, and stared. Then, he shook his head. “It doesn’t need healing,” he replied, the bitterness so strong, so visceral, it almost threw Violet off guard. “And, in case you forgot, this inn has a curfew.”

“Didn’t forget,” she said, smirking, the meaning behind her words as clear as day. “Y’sure you don’t want some healing? That eye looks real fucked up, dude.”

The stitches marked Silas’ face with an almost frightening edge. As if something greater than everything else lurked beneath, inching ever closer to the surface, soon to overwhelm Silas in his entirety. Violet figured he hated the attention and stares that were always offered to him when in public, and if Silas knew Violet thought that, Silas would have no choice but to think that she was entirely correct.

Because of course she was.

The insufferable prick.

“It doesn’t,” he insisted, covering up the eye in question. “I’ve taken it to healers before,” he muttered.

“What if I told that I was the best healer in the country?” Violet grinned. “That’ll work for free.” She winked.

Silas smiled, briefly, and perhaps a laugh would have followed, had Silas not gone back to scowling. Back to shutting himself away, back to hiding, back to running. Saying nothing else, Silas sent Violet flying out of his room.

Violet thought about how Silas had tried, before. Had tried to completely escape what he was running from by hiding away the only evidence that there was something to run from at all. Silas was better than her in that regard, it seemed.

Maybe Violet was just a bit more cowardly than Silas, just a bit more afraid of change.

At least, that’s how she saw it.

But Silas thought otherwise. His actions were futile, hopelessly— pathetically so, because, Silas knew, there’s some things you just can’t run from. He was far worse than Violet.

At least, that’s how he saw it.

***

Grace Alva Cox wasn’t like Silas, and she wasn’t like Violet. She wasn’t running from anything. A petty thief with the ability to turn invisible, she always had short term goals well within reach. She always had something to move towards.

She was more a rebel, and less a runaway.

And if she were running at all, it would always be forwards, never away.

Silas and Violet admired her for this.

While they spent their lives escaping, trying to escape, Grave lived her life without shackles or chains. Without guilt, remorse, or fear.

Without ever looking back.

Perhaps Grace had something to prove to the world. To show her worth. Perhaps she was fueled by spite, or perhaps she was fueled by love. Perhaps it was both.

Either way, it was clear that Grave wasn’t like Silas, or like Violet. Unlike them, she was confident in moving forward. She was brave. Above all else, however...

She merely lived.

***

Silas was dying. Had been dying all his life, really, more than others.

And that was what he was running from.

He can’t ever really escape it, but still, he tried.

It really was pathetic.

Violet was running from something different. And, unlike Silas, she was far less secretive.

“We’re both cowards, aren’t we?” Violet had asked.

Silas sighed. “Past curfew, again.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “Do you always need to be breaking the rules when we do this?”

“Ah,” Violet said, a hint of both surprise and delight blended into her voice, “so it’s ‘we’ now?”

Silas glared.

“Well,” she began, “I just don’t want Grace around, to be honest.”

“And why’s that?”

“She’d just make us both feel bad,” Violet laughed, but it was hollow and wry.

Silas took a moment to ponder this, before he nodded in agreement. “Yeah,” he mumbled. Then, he lifted a hand, saying, “All right, I don’t want to keep this up any longer, so you can just get out—”

Violet lunged forward, and placed a hand over Silas’ stitched close eye. A soft glow, matching the muted blues of Violet’s eyes, faded in, before the light slowly faded out.

Silas found himself in a state of shock, and for one fleeting moment, there was an almost peaceful silence between the two. There was comfort, acceptance, understanding, and it was then that the two found themselves no longer feeling quite so lonely.

“So,” Violet breathed out. “Feeling better—?”

Silas threw Violet onto the ground, filled with a sudden and indignant anger. The eye remained unhealed.

Perhaps there was nothing to be gained from that moment, after all.

“Huh,” Violet mused aloud, pain evident in her voice, as she looked up at Silas from the ground. “It didn’t work.”

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing!?”

Violet slowly got up, raising both arms in a show of peace, before she shrugged. “Dunno. Thought maybe I could heal it.”

Silas opened his mouth, ready to further voice his frustration, his anger, before tears fell, unbidden. He glowered and moved to get back underneath his covers.

He had tried. Hadn’t he told her that, already? He tried, tried, tried to escape it, but there was no healing death, and he didn’t need the reminder.

Violet hadn’t listened. She had wanted to help. She wanted to do something, finally do something with her life, and this had seemed as good a time as any.

Soft sobbing echoed underneath a pile of blankets, betraying years of sadness.

“Yikes,” was all Violet could say.

Silence.

“Hey,” Violet managed, standing up. “I’m sorry. Didn’t know that’d get you so worked up.”

Silence.

Violet awkwardly patted at the lump underneath the covers. “Hey, I just thought,” she rubbed the back of her neck, “thought maybe I should have some initiative for once in my life.”

A muffled reply.

Violet perked up at the response. Laughing gently, she continued. “Yeah, I’ve never done, like, anything my entire life. Even with healing powers.” She sighed, not quite content, and not quite troubled. Baring her heart instead of her teeth, it was as if something was freed. “You’d think I would’ve become a doctor or something, right? That’s what most healers do.”

Another muffled reply.

Fully and genuinely smiling now, Violet went on. “It felt bad, all this weird obligation and shit,” she said. “But I was just a,” she huffed. “A coward. Couldn’t handle it. Never ended up doing much with ‘em. Pretty dumb, right?”

Silas got out from under the covers, smiling softly. His cheeks were flushed, and staggered tears still fell, but he was no longer crying. He opened his mouth, and perhaps there was something within him that was set to be freed as well, but he said nothing.

Still, in that silence, Violet felt as if she had never understood more.

And Silas shoved her out of his room.

So maybe they were both cowards, maybe they were both running from something inescapable, maybe they were both lost and wandering, but…

Well, maybe they weren’t actually quite so lost.

***

“So, what’re you running from?”

A muffled reply.

[dove-annarchie]

A Slow Damage headcanon theory compilation by Ann

It’s late and I’m supposed to write short stories instead of a long rant about a game that’s not even out. But after watching the Slow Damage PV another hundred times and seeing that the N+C fandom is kinda dead. I decided to add my little, possibly going to remain unseen theories/headcanons/speculations/guesses etc. for the fans waiting for something new.

Note that nothing of what I’ve written is to be taken at face-value, it’s just my speculation and feel free to correct me on anything or share your theories with me. Anything to make this agonizing period of waiting a bit less agonizing!

First, these guesses wouldn’t be as strong without @shinocchidesu’s text decode on the PV and the inverted sketches @bara-mink (sorry, for some reason i couldn’t tag you :C) made to get a new perspective on the images, and they look clearer!. Kudos to them!

To start this trip, I may warn you this is gonna be long as heck. Be prepared.

We’ve got to start with the ambience. N+C has something like a track record regarding crapsack worlds, dramatical murder and maybe false alkanet being the exceptions (and even then, Dmmd was dark as fuck despite the cheery, colorful world it was in). Togainu no Chi was a post-war dystopia, Lamento was a story in a world that was slowly dying, and sweet pool’s world was fairly ordinary but the darkness on the plot was the product of the characters’ doing.

Slow damage seems to be the game where both the characters and the world around them are grimdark as hell.

Taking the PV at face value, the characters seemed suspicious, the music and effects were unsettling and the background left an impression (at least in me) that nothing was fine. Looked kind of like a decadent city, or a red-light district, just an urban zone full of crime. If I had to compare it to explain myself better, think of Dragon Palace in Omerta Chinmoku no Okite (another BL, mafia themed VN).

(what looks like an urban environment in the pv):

(omerta’s dragon palace, for comparison):

A crime-filled ambience is an ideal place for a dark plot with troubled characters.

Moving along with the characters, we see 4 of them (at least if there’s not a hidden twin, clone or doppelganger). None of them look 100% sane to me. The flashing visuals and slightly off-key music and sounds are likely to hint that at us, or maybe it’s the kanji, for the Japanese-speaking people? They’re either very involved with crime, or their hands aren’t clean enough to disprove any guilt. At least for me, since these are my deductions.

Moving on, I’m going to talk about the people we see in the PV. Starting with:

My thoughts about him? When there’s crime, there should be cops. He looks like a detective or cop to me. He also seems to be middle aged, or older than the MC at the very least. Old enough to have been a father? Who knows. But he reminds me of Motomi (TnC) and Kiryuu (Omerta) for some reason. I’ll call him Kiryu for now.

The words deciphered by shinocchidesu in their post read:

Sins, guilt, depression, self-loathing, to hide something, mask.

If I tie this to his assumed position in the law, Kiryu must have committed a crime himself and/or gotten someone killed. It was either an accident or intentional, whether in a moment of weakness or fully aware of what was going to unfold. In any case. It seems like Kiryu desperately wants to hide it, or forget it. Or the disgust he felt with himself after doing it.

Affection, mercy, silence, determination to be…

What if his route is like a healing process, maybe not just for Kiryu, but also for whatever the MC went through before? Maybe by taking his route, if he has one, we can make him move on or remind him that the past is in the past, and that he can still find worthy things in his life (Like the MC?). he’s going to feel more positive with the MC around him, he may quickly take a liking to him. Maybe because he reminds Kiryu of someone from his past? Is being romanced by the MC like a chance to symbolically or internally fix everything that went wrong?

Next is…

My thoughts about him? Looks like the typical pretty boy every anime media must have. Longish hair? Check. More delicate face structure? Check. Mischievous smile? Check. He also seems to have piercings, or maybe it’s the rough lines of the sketches. I’m going to call him Shi for now, read the explanation ahead.

The deciphered words read:

Unrestrained, unstoppable pleasure, blood, bone, flesh, violence.

This doesn’t spell good.

I’m going to stretch my deductions a lot and state that maybe Shi was (or is) a cannibal, or a serial killer. I see him as a hedonistic fuck who doesn’t care about other people’s wellbeing as long as he’s having a blast. Maybe he was under the influence of drugs. All of this spells that Shi was an outright criminal, the kind of pleasure-seeking person who will go to the extreme just to feel new sensations, even if they’re morally wrong. Shi wants to feel thrilled, he has no barriers or chains. He’s a free man and not even the police can keep him from having his way. He’s sassy, brash, carefree and confident. Has a joyful and fun façade to hide his bloodthirstiness and the misery it caused him.

Or we can take the other side and imply he was being forced to be like this. Maybe he was part of a cult or a very toxic group who indulged in killing and intoxication. He’s used to this, even if he doesn’t want to be. Maybe the MC can help him withdraw from his passions or push him deeper into it while joining him. I still don’t have this clear.

Self-denial, build and rebuild, hidden aesthetic.

Shi lives very frugally. Because of his criminal status he has to constantly relocate, but it’s not like he has important things to leave behind. Much like Nine told Aoba in dmmd re:connect, Shi can build and destroy his (outer) world whenever he wants or needs to and he doesn’t lose much by that. The build and rebuild part can also apply to his possible murderous intents, since he destroys lives in order to build up his pleasure. Possibly being with the MC may inspire a desire to settle down, despite the risk, and having legitimate reasons to do the opposite. A possible bad end might be joining in the bloody debauchery and being dominated by Shi?

Next one…

My thoughts about him? A classic character; the kichiku megane. Other than Ugajin (also from Omerta) and the yaoi manga with that name, I cannot make any comparisons due the fact I haven’t seen many examples of this archetype. Unless he turns out to be a caring, if amoral sweetheart, I’m betting my cat’s life that he’s going to follow the trope to a T. Stoic, sadistic, cruel and uncaring, but smart, sophisticated, desirable and maybe hiding a very tiny good heart. He looks like a high-ranking criminal, or yakuza or mafia or I dunno, he looks not like a lowlife thug, but more like an evil hidden-in-plain-sight kind of criminal. He can afford to look elegantly amoral. It took me a while to give him a decent placeholder name, so I’m just calling him Kenji for now.

Let’s analyze his phrases.

To put on, not being himself, inerasable past, acted out truth, hatred towards their own.

This one’s a little more complicated to me even if it seems to be explicitly spelled out. Kenji’s self-hatred must stem from a typical traumatic experience. Maybe his family/race/clan/group did something awful and he was one of the few who regretted letting it happen? And that’s why he’s involved with crime? Because he sees himself as nothing but another apple that rot far away from the tree and he can’t do better than commit more crimes?. A little part of himself knows that while he’s scum, or at least related with the real scum, he didn’t commit atrocities like his kind so he can afford to be a little bit better. He desperately tries to distance himself from his clan, erasing his past and not wanting the horrible truth to be discovered. He doesn’t need to have a higher moral ground, he’s content with not doing horrible things directly. And he clings to that.

Cruel, thorough confrontation, continuous obsession.

Rule of three dictated these might refer to Kenji’s relationship with the MC. While MC doesn’t look like a career criminal, he’s still at the very bottom of the barrel, living in the crime-ridden urban settlement on a filthy studio (assuming he’s an artist). While Kenji can flaunt of being sophisticated and respected. If the kichiku megane aspect is played straight, Kenji won’t limit his cruelty with the MC, maybe seeing him as just another ruffian undeserving of even mere eye contact, much like he sees the people working for him. MC will keep clashing with Kenji, causing the yakuza to become enticed and attracted to the young (?) smoker. As if he’s “deserving” of him. I don’t have much else, sorry.

And finally…

Now let’s go with the hooded person, who I’m assuming it’s the MC, and if he isn’t and turned out to be the main antagonist or some shit like that, welp, then screech in my ear and call me Rachel.

I’m basing my guesses from the teaser images rather than the kanji.

The first one is simplistic. We see a person in a hoodie sporting a macabre smile, standing in the middle of a street with distorted figures which must be buildings. The colors are limited, classical red, black and white, aiding the macabre aesthetic of the picture. The black figures seem to sink onto the ground and lose consistency. As seen on the N+C website, the title of the game is written twice; once in white and then in black, right over the white katakana in an irregular way that may be meant to add to the “instability” of the image.

I don’t see much symbolism other that this being N+C’s way of saying “yo, we gon fuck your mind up but you gotta wait for it ;) also if you don’t speak Japanese then you’re doubly screwed fam”

The second one is more complex and gives us a very good look at the aspects and symbolism. We see the hooded person in much clearer detail. Looks definitely masculine (it’s a yaoi game, duh). He’s sitting on a stool, in a crooked posture, looking depressed and defeated, smoking while avoiding eye contact with the camera. Smoking was believed to reduce stress, but that was debunked a while ago, so he has pent up a ton of anxiety added to the usual problems with his already underprivileged lifestyle. Behind him there are numerous canvases (assuming he’s an artist, or at least a hobbyist) with a huge black one right behind his back, they show no images other than empty whiteness and some shadows, their meanings being that either he gave up, those easels are representing emptiness and gloom, he became disillusioned and he’s reflecting on stuff, or that there are multiple problems in his life that are unimportant or self-inflicted and thus cause him small amounts of misery but not to an extreme extent, and this one big black canvas right behind his back represents factor that started, prolonged or keeps fueling his bitterness and internal struggle.

I want you to save me./Do you want to be saved?

In a world of crime, a young man has the chance to make things right. Anything he could do may make things better or worse. Is he talking to himself? Is someone else asking him that? All the above?

By who? By me?

He’s doubtful and depressed. He started at the bottom and he’s still in the bottom (that was unintentional). But can he push his frustrations aside and face the music?

That concludes my analysis and helped quench my impatience a little bit. I should repeat that this is not to be taken at face value nor I’m saying this is 100% canon official information. It’s just another guessing game to see if I can give you an idea of what to expect. I dunno, I just wrote this for fun C: thanks for reading!

[suzanneshannon]

A Beginner’s Journey to Launching a Website

In September 2018, I was just a few months into my journey of learning web development. As I'm sure is the case with many new developers, it was a big task for me to learn not only the basic skills required, but also keeping current with the fast-moving industry. Just as I was getting to the level where it felt as though I could build a simple website, I started to realize that it was only the first step.

Opening up a few HTML pages stored locally on my laptop felt like a million miles away from being able to say to someone, "Hey, check out my website, live on the actual internet!"

But I did it! And the best part is that it wasn't as scary, difficult or expensive as it first felt like it'd be.

It all started with me sending Chris an email, which he used to write an awesome article explaining everything in plain English.

At this point, I didn't have a fully coded website — just an idea for a basic site that I was using to teach myself as I went along. I used the ongoing progress of my site as a push to learn how to get a live website quicker. But I'm sure you could do the whole thing with an HTML document that just says "Hello, world!"

I built my site using Gatsby, a static site generator powered by React. Building a website with these tools in a modular way felt really natural to me. The concept of reusable parts is something I’m familiar with in my career as a physical product designer and mechanical design engineer. It means that you can build in stages, like Lego, brick-by-brick, until you eventually have a life-sized castle you can invite your friends to visit!

This isn't a guide. It's my personal experience in the process of getting a website from my laptop to being live on the internet. Hopefully it'll give you some hope that it's possible and achievable, even by someone who has no formal training in web development and who has only been doing it for 12 months!

Domain registrars

Before I ever bought a domain, it seemed like a pretty serious thing to do. Owning a domain means being responsible for it. People will go to that address and eventually see content that you've put there.

I don’t know if everyone has the same experience, but I spent weeks deciding on a domain name before going for it. It almost became an obsession of mine for a while, searching online for acronym generators to try and be clever, spending hours on dictionary.com trying to find synonyms that were cool. In the end, I settled for my name and what I do: joshlong.design. I still smile a little when I see my name in the address bar.

Since reading Chris' article, I've actually bought two domains from two different providers: a .com and a .design. I realize that I went against Chris' advice of consolidating domain names at a single registrar, but I needed to shop around a bit to get a good deal on my .design domain. I only own two domain names — and one of them I don't actually have any plans for just yet — so keeping on top of where I bought them isn't a task. In fact, I don't remember the last time I needed to login and manage the domain I use on a daily basis!

Buying a domain name was as simple as any other online shopping transaction. Nothing really huge or scary about it. I bought my .com through Namecheap, and my .design through Google Domains, and the process was pretty similar for both. All they needed was my name, address and payment details. Pretty standard stuff!

I don't remember Google trying to sell me a load of extra packages. They seemed happy with me just buying a domain, though they did offer me free WHOIS protection which I snapped up because I didn’t want my contact details freely available for anyone who’s feeling nosey. However, as Chris warned might happen, the other registrar I went through tried really hard to sell me some extras like hosting, email, a VPN (whatever that is!) and SSL certificates.

Google Domains checkout is happy just to sell the domain name.

Namecheap tries to sell you all the additional services they offer before getting to the checkout.

I didn't go for any of those extras. I already had a hosting plan, and you can use an alias through Gmail to "fake" having a me@mycoolsite.com email address. I honestly have no idea why I'd need a VPN, and the hosting I was going to go for gave me a free SSL certificate through Let's Encrypt. So just the domain name, please!

Hosting

As Chris suggested it would be, choosing a host was a tad trickier than choosing and buying a domain name. But in the end, the web technology I used to build my site kind of guided me in a particular direction.

My site is built with Gatsby, which means it outputs straight-up static assets, basically as HTML and JavaScript files. That means that I didn't need a host that offered a server (in my most super smart authoritative voice), especially for WordPress with a MySQL database and Apache server, 6 cores @ 3.6 Ghz, 4GB RAM, 5TB bandwidth, 5 IP Addresses and 500GB SSD Storage, etc.

All that jargon goes straight over my head. All I wanted to do was upload my files to the internet and go to my domain to see them all compiled and shiny. Should be easy, right?

Well it turns out that it actually was that easy. As there's been so much hype around it recently, I thought I'd take a look at Netlify.

Netlify is recommended by Gatsby. They have really good documentation, and for my uses I felt as though I could comfortably stay within the free tier that they offer. In fact, at the moment I'm using 0.08% a month of the total bandwidth the free tier offers. Winning! Although maybe that means I’m not doing enough to get people to my site...

A quick aside about GitHub: I'm no expert at it and I don't really know any of the etiquette it entails. All I did was sign up, create a new repository and follow the instructions that they give you. After that, every time I made a change to my site, I used the buttons in my code editor (VS Code) to commit and push my changes. It works, but I have no idea if it's the correct or best practice way of doing it! I'm starting now, though, to understand how to use Git through the command line. I had no idea at all how to do it when I started, but I still muddled through it — and you can too!

Back to Netlify.

I signed up for an account (no credit card details required) and added a new site to Netlify by telling it about the GitHub repository where it was stored. When you’ve connected your repository, you can watch Netlify doing its thing deploying your site.

Part of the Netlify’s deploy process is that it shows your website going live in real time. That’s useful for debugging if something goes wrong, or just to watch and get excited like an impatient puppy waiting for a biscuit.

You also get a deploy summary to quickly see what files were uploaded during deployment.

After my site was deployed to the randomly generated URL Netlify gives you, I followed their instructions for adding a domain I had registered elsewhere. They make it so easy!

I assume the instructions will be different for different hosts, but basically, Netlify gave me some server addresses which I then had to go back to my domain registrar to enter them in. These addresses are referred to as nameservers, so look out for that word!

Netlify gives you your nameserver addresses and super easy to understand documentation to set them up with your domain registrar

Once I entered my Netlify nameservers into Google Domains, Google knew where to look to send people who type my domain name into their browser’s address bar. All I had to do after that was wait for some internet magics to happen in the background. That took around three hours for me but can take anywhere from 10 minutes to 24 hours from what I hear.

After that was done, I could type my shiny new domain name into the address bar and — just like that — I'm looking at my own site, hosted live on the internet!

Content Management Systems

The world of Content Management Systems (CMS) is vast, and confusing, but it can also be completely irrelevant to you if you want it to be. I felt so liberated when I realized you don't have to worry about it. It was one less thing in my list of things to do.

My Gatsby site posts and pages (my content) was just a directory of markdown files and my CMS was my text editor. Chris and Dave talked about the idea of this in a recent episode of ShopTalk Show.

My website content is managed right in my text editor, VS Code.

Because I wanted to have a standard structure for different types of posts and pages, I eventually started using NetlifyCMS which is an open-source CMS which can be included in your site real fast. (Chris also did a video recently about NetlifyCMS for his confer-reference site... see what I did there?!) Now I can create blog posts and drafts from anywhere in the world, straight from my website, as long as I have an internet connection!

The same content managed through NetlifyCMS, which offers a great UI and GitHub integration

Asset Hosting (CDNs)

A Content Delivery Network (CDN), as Chris explained in his article, is basically somewhere on the internet where you store the files you need for your website to run, HTML, CSS, images, etc. When your website needs them, it goes to the CDN and grabs the files for your site to use.

From what I've read, it's good practice to use a CDN, and because of the hosting decision I made, it's not something I have to worry about - it's included by Netlify as standard, for free!

Netlify has it's own CDN where all of the files for your website are stored. When someone goes to your website, Netlify goes to its CDN and grabs the files. It's amazingly quick, and makes your site feel so much smoother to navigate.

It's a long journey, but you can do it!

There was a point, before I set off on the journey of getting my website live, where I tried to convince myself that it's fine to just have local websites, as my career isn’t in web development. The reason for that was because the path felt like it would be difficult, long and expensive.

In fact, it was none of those things! You could get a website live on the internet for £0.99 (~$1.25 for you Americans) or less if you find a deal on a domain name. The domain name was my only expense because for the path I took for hosting, asset management and content management.

At a super basic level, the path looks like this..

Code > Buy Domain > Find/Buy Hosting > Update Nameservers > Upload Code > Live!

If you happen to use the same vendor to buy your domain name and your hosting, you can skip the nameserver step. (Netlify sells domains too!)

It's definitely possible for anyone to get their website live on the internet. There's a process that you need to follow, but if you take your time, it can be relatively straightforward. It's a really wonderful feeling, getting a thing you built in front of people, and it's honestly something that I thought I'd never be able to do. But it's certainly within everyone's reach!

Something I've come to really admire over this process (and thousands of Google searches) is the willingness of everyone in the web community to collaborate and help, accepting me and my questions as I tried to learn what I was doing. It's something that I wish was more common in my own industry.

I'd love to hear other people's experiences getting their first website live. What were your pitfalls and triumphs? Was it as scary as it first seemed?

The post A Beginner’s Journey to Launching a Website appeared first on CSS-Tricks.

A Beginner’s Journey to Launching a Website published first on https://deskbysnafu.tumblr.com/

[aidorism]

Concerning Yamaguchi Maho

Alright, listen. Most people have probably already heard what’s going on with NGT48 at the moment but I still want to make sure I did everything I could to spread the word, because there’s almost nothing about it on here. I don’t follow the 48 groups as a whole, only certain members and honestly, I didn’t know who Yamaguchi Maho was before this incident but the issue of stalking, harassment and victim shaming doesn’t only affect the Idol scene in Japan, it’s a problem of society as a whole and it’s present worldwide. I followed this whole thing from pretty early on, thanks to the people on my twitter timeline who posted and retweeted about it. I’m trying to get everything in while keeping it easily understandable but if there’s any mistake or you think I missed something important, feel free to correct me.

Also I’ll tag this outside the 48G, because I’m guessing that if there are people who haven’t heard of this or don’t know what’s going on, they’re probably not invested in the 48G.

In early december, NGT48 member Yamaguchi Maho returned to her dorm after performing at the NGT theater. Right before entering her room, she was assaulted by two men who pushed her to the ground and tried to keep her quiet. Thankfully the commotion attracted other people’s (members’) attention and Maho was rescued. The police as well as NGT’s management was called and Maho was assured that the situation would be dealt with. She was put on a social media hiatus. After a month of nothing happening, Maho went on an unauthorized Showroom stream to address the incident. She talked about her frustration that nothing had been happening and how other NGT members were involved in this. She was cut off after a few minutes by management. The stone, however, was rolling.

So, here are the facts:

the dorm where Yamaguchi Maho lives is rented by NGT to host all members who aren’t originally from Niigata. They have since moved.

Other members of NGT told the men when Yamaguchi would be returning home. They also told them her parents’ address. (The official statement says that a member accidentally gave away this information to some fans on the street but I mean, come on)

The two men were arrested but released shortly after. They told the police that they just wanted to talk to Maho but the situation got out of hand.

Either the two men or management took away Maho’s phone. I’m not quite sure what happened here, I’ve seen conflicting reports on this.

The two men are J.P and Kitagawa Joe/Jou, long standing NGT fans who bring in a lot of money.

Maho and some other members have been complaining about certain members bringing boys into their rooms despite the no boyfriend rule.

J.P is a fan of hers.

A third man (known as Inapooh/ Inaoka Ryuunosuke) was involved in the attack but was not physically present when it happened. He’s known among 48/Sakamichi groups for selling members’ addresses and personal information. Since he’s also a big fan and contributes financially to the groups, nothing has been done about him. (Another very interesting thread on him)

Here’s the detailed timeline:

December 8th: Yamaguchi Maho arrives home from a theatre performance and is assaulted by two men. Police and Management are called. The men were released after 3 weeks.

After a month of nothing happening, Yamaguchi hosted a Showroom live on January 8th (videos), which was cut short by management. There are also now deleted tweets about the incident, I’m honestly not quite sure where in the timeline they take place but I think were posted right after the Showroom.

A day later, a magazine whose editor is affiliated with AKS (the agency managing NGT and I think all 48 group members?) released a report saying that there’s no connection between the men and NGT members. The police never confirmed this. As of January 18th the article has been removed.

Tano’s mysterious messages seemingly supports the suspicion of her involvement.

Yamaguchi appears on stage during NGT’s birthday live on January 10th and appologizes (translation) for the inconvenience she has caused. This is when it hit the international news. While she is apologizing, her attackers are sitting in a front row seat at the theatre, watching her bow to them.

AKS issues a statement containing a lot of bs saying they’ll be holding councelling sessions for all members (starting with Maho), issue an alarm system for all members and increase patrols near the dorm. It was also confirmed that other members were involved as well as a 3rd man (he wasn’t present when the physical attack happened though). They also announce that the three men have been banned from all NGT events.

Nakai Rika (who was suspected by Fans in the beginning but quickly dismissed), Tano Ayaka and Nishigata Marina deny their involvement.

Fans are calling for NGT’s manager Imamura Etsuro to resign. An online petition reaches over 30′000 signatures.

NGT is losing sponsors and commercial deals left and right.

A video surfaces showing one of the attackers mocking the Niigata police for not being strong enough to actually charge them

January 13th: NGT announces the immediate removal of Imamura as NGT’s manager. He’s not fired though, he’ll still be working with AKS. His replacement is Hayakawa Maiko (a woman!) and her vice is Okada Tsuyoshi

January 14th: The new management (who wasn’t even in effect when the incident took place) issues an apology about the poor handling of the situation in less than a day (reactions from the public are translated here)

Akimoto Yasushi releases a ‘statement’

NGT cancels upcoming concerts and events

Inapooh (the guy selling addresses) threatens revenge on NGT

A newspaper releases an article about NGT’s former Manager (the one before Imamura) and how she was harrassed and forced out of her position by these guys as well

Around January 16th/17th it was announced that NGT members living in the dorm where the attack happened have been moved to a different quarter.

International media are still picking up on the story, but this is mostly what happened so far. I tried to include as little speculation as possible to keep it easily understandable. If you’re interested in what the Japanese public has to say about the international attention, there are some translations here as well as a relationship chart (includes speculation!).

Here’s the speculation:

A lot of people are taking it as fact but is not officially confirmed that this was an attempted rape.

Tano Ayaka and Nishigata Marina are the members who gave up Maho’s personal information. This is not officially confirmed.

The two men were allegedly partying with those two members in one of the girls’ room and Kitagawa is supposedly Tano’s boyfriend.

Apparently the police expressed sympathy for the two men because they did it out of love (??)

AKS is not pressing charges against the two men, even though they acknoledged their assault and banned them from events.

Several celebrities started to speak out on the incident, even people involved with 48G or AKS (compilation)

Sashihara Rino addressed it in a tweet and on a TV-Show (rough translation about the segment) (to which a male comedian replied ‘Why don’t you use your body to make things right? You’re good it’).

Kashigawi Yuki who was standing next to Maho on stage apologizes as well

Nakamura Ayuka (NGT) apologizes

Shibata Aya (Ex-SKE) talks about the safety alarm

Muramoto Daisuke (AKBINGO host) talks about the poor handling of the incident by management

Kitahara Rie (Ex-AKB/SKE/NGT) thinks it’s wrong that Maho had to apologize

Masuda Yuka (Ex-AKB) talks about her own bad experiences with fans

Translation of the Japanese public’s reaction to how management handled the situation

Oomoto Honoka’s mother speaks about the situation. Honoka committed suicide after being harrassed and threatened by her management

Kawakami Akira (Stardust manager) tweets about protecting Momoiro Clover Z from such incidents

Murakami Rana (Ex-GEM) tweets about an attempted rape

Iikubo Haruna assures fans that things like this don’t happen in H!P

Niigata’s Governour releases a statement

[my-ocean-is-bluer]

In other news... Asperger's?

I'm very convinced that I have Asperger's. I suspected it for a while (past few months) but tonight I really sat down and did a lot of research, took available online tests (grounded in scientific research, they don't diagnose but suggest you get tested if you fall within a certain threshold) and for everything I tested very close to the average for females with Asperger's. I don't believe I was ever tested for this but the extreme social disconnect/difficulty I've experienced in college made me suspicious. Now, lots of things from my childhood and the rest of my life are kind of falling together and it's really really overwhelming. I'm just posting on this blog because I don't feel comfortable talking to anybody about this and this is kind of a log of my mental state, etc. 1. When I was a young kid, my teachers always expressed to my parents that they couldn't tell whether I was paying attention / engaged in class. My mom always told me teachers didn't know if I cared because they couldn't "read" my face and I was always very inexpressive. 2. Since coming to college, I can't tell when people want to talk to me. It's happened to me more than once that I and another person I know will be the only two people in a hallway. They'll gesture to me or say "hey!" and I'll still keep walking without responding. Then later I'll realize and will be like "Oh, were you talking to me?" 3. I tend to get really obsessed with certain things/hobbies but mostly for very short amounts of time before I move on to something else. When I'm still interested, I read entire Wikipedia articles, watch tons of videos on the subject, visit forums, join Facebook groups, etc. and I feel really incomplete if I don't learn everything there is to learn. I make checklists and organize all of this information once I've compiled it. 4. I've always tended to imitate characters or behaviors I observed during social gathering or conversations because I don't know how to act in those situations. 5. In my two years of college, I haven't made a single "close" friend (with the exception of my roommate. I get annoyed with her sometimes but sometimes I get really tired of being alone with myself and need someone to distract me). I used to think I struggled to make friends because of social anxiety, but I'm starting to realize it's not quite that... I just don't "click" with people. I don't understand how to communicate with others and I don't understand how friendships and relationships form. 6. When people are talking to me or complimenting me I can never tell if they're being sincere or if they're making a joke or being sarcastic. In the same vein, I can't always tell when people are being sarcastic and then they'll say "you know I'm joking, right?" 7. In high school and in college I've been told I sound really formal and I really don't get it! In high school I was in a play and my director kept telling me to drop the accent I was doing. I had no idea what they were talking about and had to keep insisting that I wasn't putting on an accent and was just speaking normally. In my first semester of college I wrote a personal reflection / free-write for class and when I was asked to read it aloud, my teacher criticized me for my writing style being too formal (even though I had no idea I would have to read it to others, that's just how I write). She mocked me, actually, and it was embarrassing. 8. I suffer from really intense anxiety because I never know what people expect from me, both socially and academically. This makes interacting with people really intimidating and makes assignments seem insurmountable. I overwork myself and never know if my work is good enough, then I get it back and it's always fine, but that fact doesn't seem to help. For this reason I always like to have very specific instructions for assignments or else I feel really lost. 9. I want to work in the film industry but never deemed myself creative enough to be a filmmaker because I can't think of a story without copying existing work. People always say, "but you are a creative person!" because I like to sing and act, but those things are very different from having to imagine your own stuff. I'm better at organizational skills. 10. I can't relax unless I've done everything I have to do for the day (often depression prevents me from doing so and so I get really anxious and have a hard time sleeping). I make lists in various formats and schedule everything I have to do, even the most minor things. 11. I adjusted really poorly to both high school and college and I'm terrified of change. I don't know what else to say about this one. One little thing gone awry in my schedule messes up my entire day, and if something unexpected happens I really struggle to get back on track. 12. My "friends" seem to cancel on me last minute all the time and it makes me super angry. I consider it really disrespectful and assume it means I'm not anybody's priority (which might be true because I don't feel connected to anybody-- why should they feel connected to me?) I'm starting to wonder if this seems to keep happening because I don't understand when people say "yes" but it's actually more of a "maybe, I'll have to let you know later". I think it's possible that I just can't tell the difference from their expressions and so I always take any kind of affirmation as a commitment and a solid "yes" and am totally caught off guard when they back out. Anyway, that's it. I just had to word vomit all of that out because I was feeling overwhelmed by everything and wanted to write it down. I have to wake up in 6 hours but at least I feel a little more under control. I don't know what to do about this. I had decided that I wouldn't get any mental help until the end of this academic year in 7 months, and then when I go home I'd try to reconnect with my high school therapist. I really want to hear her thoughts on this because I'm just the kind of person who needs to know instead of just kind of wonder. I put together all my results on a page/report and I'm going to print it. So, feelings. When I sat down to write this I was feeling kind of panicked because I sort of feel like I don't know myself. I was being treated for social anxiety but nothing was really working... if it turns out the signs are correct and I have Asperger's that kind of means transitioning to a "fixable" problem to something that's actually just ingrained in me and permanent. I've been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety, OCD, and an eating disorder not otherwise specified, and so I was feeling pretty sure of things until now. I'm wondering if some of those issues I thought I had, like OCD and generalized anxiety, could actually be results of Asperger's, since some of the behaviors line up. I also read that though Asperger's is present since childhood, it may not be noticeable until a certain situation pushes a person to capacity. I think going to college might be that situation that's pushed me to a point where I'm really starting to realize I don't act the same as others (at home I knew everyone since I was really young so meeting new people and forming relationships wasn't something I actually experienced to the extent I'm experiencing it now). I feel I've never tried harder to form friendships, but I'm still super unsuccessful and I genuinely couldn't tell why. So. Now all that's down, I can calm down a bit. I'm going to bed. It's been 2 years since I've seen my therapist, but I really could use some help. I've been drowning the whole time and the death of my dog has really destroyed me. An Asperger's diagnosis might be kind of scary but it also could be kind of a relief. I don't think these feelings/behaviors are a result of my grief since a lot of them are from before that happened and from my childhood. *P.S. Take everything I say here with a grain of salt. I'm not a psychiatrist. I need one to give me their two cents on what I'm experiencing to make conclusions.*

[joyfullightbouquetblog-blog]

Indian Recipes : FIVE STAR INDIAN RECIPES 1000+ Chef Style Recipes of Indian Food Cuisine

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(Roti, Naan, Chappatti etc..)

Beverages

(Lassies, Shakes etc)

Soups

The easy methods in this eBook will help you to make the Traditional Hot & Spicy Indian Chicken Curry as you might have tasted from popular Indian Restaurants.

Its simple !! Try it Out.

The ingredients are detailed with the correct proportions to have the final outcome with the real flavour from India. 

Try out the Simple Cooking methods of the fine Indian Cuisine. Make Restaurant like dishes at your home and surprise your family & friends.

This Book will be your Ultimate collection of Indian Recipes. With over 1000 recipes at your home, you do not have to search any more for Indian Recipes. It will be a Great add-on to your Recipes Collection.

What is an E-Book ? Why should I buy an E-book?

NO Waiting after Order

Instant Download

NO Shipping charges

NO delivery charges

NO storage space required

Quick Search of any Recipe

Convenient to read anywhere

Convenience of carrying around

And many More !

“Every dish that I have made from this book has been Splendid. I knew this book is a winner. I have bought several Indian cookbooks but I use this one the most often. I would undoubtedly give this book my Highest Rating.”

— Mrs. Aruna Rahul

London, UK

When can I get my Recipes book after I order ?

You can instantly download the e-book after your order. Within minutes you can try out one quick recipe from this e-book.

We save on expensive shipping & handling fees. Low production cost since it is being made in a digital media and distributed over the internet.

1000 Indian Recipes will be an Asset for your cooking!

See below for the screen shot of the cook book.

Look out for the Bookmarks on the left side for Easy Navigation. You can click on the “+” sign on the Bookmark to reach every individual recipe under each category with a simple click. As it is an eBook, you can also search for your favourite recipe with “Find” option. A detailed clickable “Table of Contents” is also there at the begining of this eBook. This colorful Book has been Beautifully arranged with detailed Ingredients and Step-By-Step Methods of Preparation for every Recipe.

MONEY BACK GUARANTEE

Not satified ? We will give you FULL REFUND – No Questions Asked

We are very sure that you will be happy with our Product.

However, if for any reason you’re unhappy or dissatisfied with this recipes Book you can get a FULL REFUND of your money.

No questions asked – No hard feelings – No Arguments

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Is that fair?

Try it out….Its Our Guarantee. Buy with Confidence. 

For a Limited time, we are offering 3 Bonus Ebooks Along with this Product.

Do not wait, Go Ahead and grab this invaluable resource. At this price, you will be getting

Over 1000 Tried & Tested Five Star Indian Recipes + Bonus Ebooks. Do not miss this opportunity. This offer is for a Limited Time only. Buy It Now.

INSTANT DELIVERY !! You do not have to wait for Days and weeks to get the product. Our EBooks are available for Download Immediately after Payment. You can Try out the recipes NOW itself. Do not wait Buy It Now.

If you

Order this E-Book today, we will give you

the following Free Bonus Gifts.

The Ultimate 350 Salad Recipe Collection gives you more than 350 easy-to-follow recipes, including both classic favorites and fresh new ideas.

400 recipes in the Classic Dessert Collection are the most requested, most popular and most memorable desserts. Most of the recipes are are quite easy to make, a great cookbook whether you’re a novice cook or an expert.

“Over 300 Quick and Easy Sandwich Recipes That Sure To Satisfy Even The Hungriest Stomach!”

Within the pages of

Delicious Sandwiches Recipes, you will find the traditional sandwiches as well as a selection of unique variations

Free Bonus Gift No. 4

A detailed information on the following topics about parenting

Tips for Successful parenting

Essentials for Healthy development of a Child

Free Bonus Gift No. 5

A Complete Guide for Make-up

All you wanted to know about make-up, Written by a Professional Beautician

How to analyse your Skin?

Caring for Dry Skin, Normal Skin, Oily, Sensitive Skin

5 Ways to make your skin Beautiful

Tips and guidance to choose the right cosmetic for you

How to apply the cosmetics professionally

Free Bonus Gift No. 6

Guide for Caring Hair, Hands & Feet

A Beautician’s Secrets for caring your Hair, Hands and Feet

Methods for Hair Care

Professional Nail Care secrets

How to do Manicure & pedicure at home

Free Bonus Gift No. 7

Make Your Own Cosmetics at Home

Safe & Natural cosmetics to make you Beautiful

Step-by-step methods :Cosmetics from Natural products

Anti-Wrinkle Cream, Cleansing Cream, Face mask etc.

Make your own Herbal cosmetics for glowing beauty.

And much more

*Bonuses Are For a Limited Time Only.  Act Now!

The 1000 Indian Recipes e-book is in Adobe Acrobat format. You can downloaded instantly. No need to wait. You can start reading now and get into the wonderful cooking.

With Your Order You Will Receive:

1000+ Five Star Indian Recipes, E-Book

The Ultimate 350 Salad Recipe Collection

400 recipes in the Classic Dessert Collection

Over 300 Quick and Easy Sandwich Recipes

Parenting guide, E-Book.

A complete guide for make-up, E-Book

Guide for caring Hair, Hands & Feet, E-Book

Make your own cosmetics at Home, E-Book

Immediate Access to our Delicious recipes.

Order Now to Avoid Disappointment!

Buy now through “ClickBank” using Credit Card or Check

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One time fee, you are billed only once!

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