#finally actually ‘allowing myself’ to feel it when I Know its going to hurt

[pheadrus]

i don’t think i can ever forgive myself and I don’t think I can ever stop thinking about all the happiness and love and him that i could have had if I wasn’t such an idiot and so unfeeling and so scared and I just don’t know how long I’m gonna be able to keep going knowing that it’s me, that I came so close to being good enough for love but I still wasn’t in the end

[cinnamon-notes]

leaving the apartment where i lived with my ex turned out to be more painful than her leaving the apartment where we lived together

[waywardsalt]

the dilemma of having ideas that would be best expressed as comics but being afraid to draw

[somerandomdudelmao]

i was writing this all out in the tags of one of your recent updates (part 9 of 'donatello') when i realized i might as well just send it to you directly before i hit tag limit. (i hope you don't mind haha) this recent comic really reminded me of a concept that i've seen in your work that i haven't seen commented on a lot (though i could be wrong.)

casey jr and donatello's relationship as you've portrayed it is interesting in a number of ways. one i've been thinking about recently is the aspect of physical touch, and how you use that to represent the underlying themes/ideas behind their dynamic (and the story as a whole).

in the series, donnie is generally the least physical of his brothers, in that he prefers to be the one to initiate contact. (as a fellow autistic, i relate to this on a visceral level /lighthearted.) however, in your portrayal, this rule bends for casey's sake.

you've been setting up casey to follow in donatello's metaphorical footsteps for a while now, with this coming to fruition (to an extent) in recent storylines.

but going back a bit further. there's this major theme of... i guess i would call it 'responsibility?' that has been weaved through the story from... basically, day one.

in the first comic, his conversation with f!leo following leo's brief foray as a nugget (one of my favorite lines from this series overall is "...and leo-nugget." amazing, genuinely), casey admits to him that it was scary being responsible for someone that could get hurt so easily.

in one of the following chapters, we see the question asked: 'but who is there to save you?' (this chapter being a bit of a microcosm of the theme/story as a whole haha.)

though it was a chapter i had originally assumed was just for funsies and angst opportunities, i now realize i was wrong (though, i don't know exactly how intentional you were being with all of this, so i could be missing the mark here.) it actually sets up his arc rather nicely -- with casey being the one to save donatello when he was injured/knocked unconcious.

now, bringing this all back around to the original intent of this ask: how physical touch is used to represent their narrative dynamic (is that a thing? 'narrative dynamic'? am i just making shit up right now? whatever its fine /rehtorical)

taking everything in account, i want to return to a specific moment that really struck me in the comics leading up to donatello's death. it's the time where the resistance is being attacked, and donnie, despite being sick, goes out and uhhh... extirpates the problem (its always fun to see donnie go apeshit with dangerous weaponry /positive.)

during his dramatic reveal and attack, casey is by his side, clutching onto him not to cling, but to physically support him (at least, that's how i think that moment was supposed to be interpreted? i could be totally wrong here.)

i can't help but feel this is emblematic of the larger themes at play here-- i.e., casey's arc in relation to donatello.

i can't help but find it interesting how donatello, backbone of the resistance--

(despite his soft shell... which is why him no longer wearing his battle shell when he got sick was actually symbolic foreshadowing of-- *sound of gunshots*)

[editors note: i'm gonna stop myself right there, before this goes from ungodly long to "will break your dash and ask box if allowed to continue further"]

-- and certified plot mechanic (oh, so that's why he named it convenient plot-twist serum... finally, the mystery has been solved /joking /lighthearted), who is a very independent/self-sufficient character, allows casey jr to subvert his rules with casual touch. enough so, that when he is so weak that he can barely stand, he trusts casey jr to keep him upright.

out of everyone, he trusts casey.

casey jr, who, at the very beginning of the comic, saved donatello's life, physically carrying him back to the base. and casey jr, the one who, now, has rescued donatello from a fate worse than death, only to once again bring him back to safety.

(...can you tell i'm a little bit obsessed with your comic? lmao)

[also to note those most recent panels: a return to the "norm," with casey clinging to donatello's side, also providing a nice parallel. i know it's because he is very much reunited with his uncle who has been dead for two years, but c'mon. let me have this /joking.)]

anyway, i hope this made sense, and if you did manage to get through my pretentious (and probably somewhat far-fetched) rambles about the "symbolic narrative significance of touch" in a fanwork about the teenage mutant ninja turtles (/lighthearted), may i just say: i am in love with your work, and can only aspire to tell a story as engaging, heartfelt, and clever as the one you have woven.

you are a blessing to this fandom, and i am so excited to see where you go with this story.

I have to say that I didn't specifically do the mental planning for all of this. Most of this theme is simply because I do what I feel will be right. It's more of an intuitive desire than a prescribed plan, so it was pretty surprising to me to see this thought actually being formulated haha

Thank you:>

[strniohoeee]

chris founding out reader faked an orgasm w/ him and asking her why she didn't tell him

Feigned

Pairing: Chris Sturniolo X Female Reader

Synopsis: Y/N has been so stressed and anxious lately that she can’t focus on having an orgasm. When she runs to her best friend for advice there’s some listening ears….👥

Warnings⚠️: Mentions of sex

Song for the imagine: Hold Tight- Justin Bieber

Sex with Chris was always amazing, I mean it was INSANE. He could either tear my shit up, or be so loving and focused on my pleasure

But lately I haven’t been able to orgasm with Chris, and it wasn’t anything pertaining to him….or was it?

I was struggling badly to cum, I was wet and I enjoyed the sex, but I simply could not focus to allow myself to cum.

The past 3 times we’ve had sex I faked my orgasm, and I felt so bad that I couldn’t tell Chris. I truly didn’t want to hurt his feelings, or make him feel incompetent. This was my own problem.

Lately I had been so stressed with work, and creating content, and helping Chris and his brothers. I know that sex is supposed to help with stress, but my mind was always racing a million miles a minute. My thoughts were racing so much I couldn’t even relax to have an orgasm

I was alone at the triplets house. I finally had a day off, and they were filming, so I decided to spend the day truly relaxing

My best friend from back home had FaceTimed me, and I decided to seek advice from her

“Sophia I’m not sure what’s going on, but like I can’t cum” I told her

“Alone or with Chris?” She asked me

“With Chris. Like the sex is so amazing, but I can not cum for the life of me” I told her frowning a little bit

“Are you relaxed and in the zone when y’all fuck?” She asked bluntly

“I thought I was, I mean I’ve been so stressed with everything that I knew sex would help relieve it, but my brain is always on go I can’t even relax to orgasm” I told her

“You should try meditating before you guys have sex. Relax all your muscles and your brain, so you can enjoy it” she told me

“Yeah that’s true! I tried to shower and decompress, and watch some tv before him and I would have sex” I told her

“Yeah that’s not enough. You have to truly unwind, you’re so anxious your brain can’t focus on orgasming because it’s focusing on 30 different things at once” she said

“God you’re right. I feel so bad I’ve been faking it” I said to her

“How many times did you fake?” She asked me

“The last 3 times” I told her

“3 times? I think you should-“ all of a sudden she stopped talking and her eyes grew wide, I looked at my reflection in the camera and saw Chris standing behind me…SHIT

“I’ll call you later” she said before immediately hanging up on me

“Heyyy baby….when did you get in?” I asked closing my laptop screen

“About 2 minutes ago” he responded with no facial expressions

“Oh….” I said just looking at him

“The last 3 times huh? When were you going to tell me” he asked

“Listen it’s not you it’s me, and I didn’t want to hurt you” I told him

“You wouldn’t hurt me….it hurts actually that you kept this from me. I could’ve helped you” he said

“I’m sorry baby, I just have been so stressed and anxious that I couldn’t bring myself to focus on cumming” I told him

“Did you not enjoy the sex?” He asked

“No! I loved the sex it’s amazing. Its literally my brain just focusing on too many things at once” I said to him

“You should’ve told me, I would’ve helped you. We could’ve meditated together or done something else that would’ve relaxed you, and put you in the mood” he said

“You’re right, and I’m sorry. We should try tonight…meditating and then having sex” I said biting my lip

“You know I’m always down for sex pretty lady” he said licking his lips before leaning in to kiss me

The End

Hope yall liked this one🤭, and whoever requested this I also hope you liked it🖤🖤

-J💅🏽

[udretlnea]

An Idealized Image

Prompt: You die after getting hit by a truck and inspect your suddenly ideal appearance in the new world. Inspired by this post by @mists-reading-nook

A/N: Man, starting a story with disconnected parts is fun and difficult. First time using this literary device so be patient with me.

Words: 755

You hadn’t expected getting hit by a truck to hurt so damn much. But you’d gladly do it again if it meant you’d protect a child from getting run over.

Although you were dying, you still could feel the barest sensations around you; vaguely there was muffled shouting and crying. Good, the kid was safe and the driver was getting yelled at. Not that that mattered to you anymore.

Oh well, at least it’s over now. 

The first world has been chosen. Initiating upload link.

You thought you heard someone, but that’s crazy. You were dead. The dead don’t hear voices. Maybe this was one of those post-death auditory hallucinations. Do…do the dead even have those? Actually, I guess nobody would know…except the dying. Ugh. What a morbid thought. I expected myself to have prettier final thoughts.

Link established. Uploading soul to the Samsara system now. Beginning samsara cycle #1…godspeed.

There it was again. You started thinking that maybe you weren’t dead, when suddenly you felt your soul being pulled down…down…down into the darkness. Rather than become panicked you felt a sense of peace. You allowed yourself to be carried until you felt a shift in the pressure around you.

Before you could realize what was happening, you blacked out.

////

He’s not waking up…should I do it manually?

Hang on, what are those kitsunes doing?

You feel something tap-tap-tapping against your side. Your eyes flutter open, barely registering the fact that there’s green all around you. Turning your head, you see several orange foxes nudging your body. The sleep leaves you immediately. You surge to your feet and back away from them

They didn’t make any moves toward you. The littlest one stared at you with its big eyes; after a moment it seemed to be satisfied. It turned to the others and made a sound. It wasn’t long before they ran away, leaving you by yourself. Come to think of it, where were you? 

Everywhere around, you can see plants, trees, and just general things you’d find in a forest-wait, forest!?

Oh no, where the hell did I end up? Is this some kind of spiritual afterlife? You run, not really going anywhere, just someplace to get your bearings. You find a small stream. Thinking quickly, you examine your reflection, fearful that you looked like a ghost. However, what greets you instead is your pristine face without any blemishes.

Huh? Is that…me? No, no it can’t be. I’m not that…I’m not this immaculate! This is a dream, this has to be a dream! You do anything you can to wake up; you smack, slap, and pinch yourself all in that order, but it’s no use. It seems you weren’t dreaming. 

Defeated, you decide to examine yourself. Amazingly, your skin was smooth, but you don’t recall it being like that. Furthermore, your eyes were completely different. Since when were your pupils a yellow pinprick, or your irises a brilliant shade of silver? Most concerning of all was your hair. It was white as snow. You pull at it, looking closely at the roots to check if it wasn’t dyed. You looked rather beautiful. Additionally, you finally noticed that your clothes were different. 

When you died, you were wearing a hoodie and regular pants and shoes. Now, you were wearing a simple white kimono; a closer inspection revealed that it looked like genuine silk. Confused yet satisfied with your examination, you looked at your surroundings. Everything was slightly dark as if it were nighttime.

Weird, but ultimately it doesn’t matter. What DOES matter is figuring out where the heck I am. You push yourself off the ground, shaking the dirt off of your clothes. You look around you, wondering which direction to walk towards when something catches your eye. Squinting, you could make out the silhouette of a city in the distance. It almost looked like Japan, but at the same time, it wasn’t. Well, there’s the path to civilization right there. Now all I need to do is get over there without trouble.

You notice a well-worn path. You take it, pleased that you took the first step in your journey. Hopefully, you’d find what you needed to know.

////

Elsewhere, a solitary figure was meditating alone in a different plane of existence. Here in this space, she would achieve eternity and resist erosion.

And then she felt it. A sudden wave of divine energy sent tingles throughout her incorporeal body. This was unprecedented…what could have caused it? She needed to know. She had to know.

[acesbelovedwife]

Warmth part 1/?

Portgas D. Ace x fem reader who can't feel heat

8,1k characters

Part two here!

Masterlist

It was cold...

Way too cold

You never felt warmth throughout your whole life, but this time it was way worse than any other time. You were just walking on the beach when the coldness hit you, you saw a pirate ship in the distance so you wanted to get a closer look but seems the world decided to finally end you suffering. Your eyes started closing as you fell on the sand. You thought you heard footsteps but it's not like it mattered anymore. You could feel your life was slowly coming to an end...

"Her temperature is way too low, how is she even alive right now?" Marco muttered partially to himself while Ace just stared at your unconscious body "it's gonna get lower than it already is she'll die for sure-" "what if I warm her up?" Ace cut him off. Marco thought for a minute thinking of any other way but this one seemed like the best one to help you at the moment "yeah it should work, just don't do it rapidly we need to take it slow so the body will get used to the temperature in a healthy way" Marco replied. Ace quickly sat on the inflammatory bed pulling you close to him. Your body was cold as ice so he hissed at the contact, but you needed him right now. He didn't even know you. He didn't know what made him so determined to help you, but he didn't bother thinking about that, for now he needs to help you. Maybe it was the feeling that he was needed to someone..

Hours later you were still unconscious but your body seemed to warm up "her temperature seems to be normal now, you can lay her down" Marco told Ace. But as soon as he stopped touching you the thermometer showed once again that your body heat seemed to low down to a dangerous level "what the hell... Why can't her body hold heat on its own?" Marco was confused, he never seen anything like that, he couldn't even give you any meds since he didn't know what was wrong with you. The only thing that seemed to help was Ace, who was keeping you close once again seeing your state worsen. "I'm gonna go find some books, maybe one of them will help. For now, keep a close eye on her. If anything happens come get me" Marco told Ace who nodded actually looking like he payed attention for once which surprised Marco a bit but he decided to ignore it.

You felt weird, comfortable, but in a weird way. You never felt anything like that, without thinking much you wrapped your hands around the 'thing' that was emitting the weird feeling. Was it warmth? No it couldn't be... You heard a grunt in response making you freeze in place scared to open your eyes "huh?" Ace looked down and saw you clench to him for your dear life as if you were about to die if he was to leave. It took him a minute to realize what's happening "oh shit, you're awake! Are you ok, does anything hurt?" He asked you worried "...I'm ok" you whispered into his chest "I'm gonna go get Marco, he needs to check up on you" he spoke fast trying to stand up but you wouldn't let him go. He looked down at you and you looked like you were about to cry "please don't go... I haven't left so warm in my life" you whisper-begged him, he didn't understand. You didn't feel warm? "What do you mean?" He asked confused sitting down again allowing you to hug him close "since I was born I never really felt warm. I could even spill boiling water on myself and wouldn't feel it..." You explained. He didn't know what to do, if he doesn't get Marco he's gonna get his ass kicked by him, and if he does go to get him your state will worsen. He didn't want to take you with him since it was cold outside already, he thought for a second "I'm not going anywhere, don't worry" he reassured, you were so happy you couldn't stop yourself but kiss him on the freckled cheek making him blush furiously. "Thank you thank you thank you!" You kept on repeating hugging him tighter while he shyly hugged you back.

Soon both of you fell asleep considering it was the middle of the night. Marco came back to the inflammatory room to tell Ace he wasn't successful in finding anything when he saw you both cuddled up on the bed. He checked your temperature making him sigh in relief seeing it's normal, when he pulled away the thermometer he saw you move you hands around Ace making him happy to see you're not completely unconscious anymore. Though most of his happiness came from the fact he has now more stuff to tease Ace about with the others. He pulled covers on both of you and went to his room to get some sleep, thinking of what his next course of action should be.

You woke up cold again "maybe it was a dream.." you thought to yourself. You sat up scanning your surroundings, no, it couldn't be a dream the room looks exactly the same. You stood up immediately walking towards the door opening it up, it was cold, but you were desperate to find him again. He can help you, you saw some people staring at you "isn't that the girl Ace found last night?" "I think so-" "where is the guy with freckles?" You cut him off "oh, you mean Ace? I believe he's with Marco and Thatch in the kitchen right now, but you shouldn't be walking around the deck you're sick aren't you?" You didn't bother listening to more and decided to find the kitchen running away, you didn't know where the kitchen was but you didn't care. You just needed to find him, you felt a bit dizzy but decided to ignore it for now "it'll get better when I find him" you thought.

You were opening doors one after another until you finally opened one of them seeing three guys staring wide eyed at you, and one of them was him, the freckles. "What are you doing out of your bed?" The pineapple head started speaking "I told you I shouldn't have left her, why won't you believe me?" "Because it makes no sense!" Both freckles and pineapple started arguing while you started feeling dizzy again "hey girly, you hungry? I can cook for you anything you want-" before the other guy could finish you started falling to the ground, before you could hit the floor though Ace caught you and lifted you up. "Shit, are you ok?" He cursed under his nose, you didn't bother replying and just nodded, you could feel warmth coming from his body making you feel at ease. Marco quickly ran up to you putting his hand on your forehead feeling it get warm rapidly "what the hell, Ace I told you to not warm her up that fast!" Marco scolded him "but I'm not doing anything! I'm just holding her right now!" Ace defended himself, Marco put his hand on his forehead then Ace's, it wasn't hotter than his own "huh-" he was even more confused than earlier "you can't think on an empty stomach, how about we all eat and then think?" Thatch suggested and both of them nodded in agreement while you nuzzled yourself into Ace's chest making him blush and the other two smirk.

You all ate and you got to know all of their names making you feel stupid you didn't think of Ace's name earlier considering he has a tattoo of it. Soon enough Marco started bombarding you with questions while Ace kept you in his lap "so basically you can't feel heat since you're born and the only one you're feeling it from is Ace?" He asked in shock "pretty much yeah" you shrugged "so what do we do?" Ace asked "well, her state got so bad to the point she will die if she won't feel your touch for too long, we don't really have too much of a choice here do we" Thatch spoke while Marco nodded "it's all up to you Y/n, would you like to join Whitebeard pirates? I'm sure Pop's will understand your situation" Marco said, it nade you think for a bit. It's not like you have anything to keep you in your home, everyone always bullies you for your disability, so.. "as long as I can be with Ace I don't mind" you blantly said making Ace cover his face with his hand at your choice of words. "It's decided then, let's go to Pop's!"

Whitebeard was reculant at first but he quickly took a liking to you "I can't fight but I can do other things I can cook too!" You said as Whitebeard laughed at your determination "As long as you don't bother Thatch I don't have anything against it. Now, let's have a banquet for my daughter!" Whitebeard announced laughing as you hugged Ace's arm feeling cold yet again. "Welcome abroad" he smiled making you smile back at him. "Now that I think of it" Marco started catching everyone's attention "how are you gonna sleep?" he finished making Ace's face drop at his words and making Thatch laugh like a maniac while you were standing there confused at everyone's reactions. "She'll need a separate room that's for sure, but considering she needs to keep warm she could just sleep with Ace in his room" Marco continued smirking at Ace making him blush furiously "y-yeah I guess" he stuttered avoiding eye contact with everyone.

The evening came fast, everyone was enjoying the banquet drinking and laughing "Ace is one lucky guy to have such a beauty stuck to him~" one guy said, he was completely wasted just like most of the crew. You laughed with everyone else while Ace had more confidence in his drunken state putting his arm around you being on the verge of passing out after so many drinks "I'm gonna put him in his room, he's gonna pass out any minute.." Izo said being the most sober person along with you. He picked up Ace while you followed them to his room "if you need anything feel free to ask" Izo said smiling while putting Ace on the bed. You giggled at his soft snores, he looked cute "good night y/n" "good night" you replied as Izo closed the door behind him. You looked around, you didn't expect the room to be so clean, you looked at passed out Ace on the bed, he was still in his pants "it must be uncomfortable to sleep in those" you thought, you took them off along with his hat and necklace and pulled covers over his body. You looked around the room and decided to search for any shirts, with no avail "I guess he really doesn't like shirts" you thought to yourself taking off everything except you panties and bra joining Ace under the covers cuddling up to him and soon falling asleep.

Part two here!

I think I'm gonna do like 2 or 3 parts of this but I'm not 100% sure so I'll say with the question mark. Sorry for any mistakes, english is my second language. I hope you enjoyed reading ♡

[tired-teacher-blog]

Title : Touch me more

Characters : Aizawa/ Fem reader

Genre : Fluff/ Suggestive (actually let's say NSFW)/ Drabble

Notes : So I've been thinking about how Aizawa's hands must be rough and scarred, and how that might affect his self esteem when you two are intimate. So tell me, how would you react to that?

Please do not read if you're a minor

Masterlist|Second Masterlist

Aizawa's hands.

Aizawa's big, rough, calloused hands– courtesy of intense daily training and years of utilizing his capture weapon.

They've never been a bother to him, not even with Yamada's constant teasing.

"I pity the soul who'll end up with you man."

They've never been a bother to him.. that is until you showed up in his life.

You.. the soft delicate you.

With your beautiful smile and beautiful heart.

You.. who weakened his resolve and crumbled the walls he had built around himself. And suddenly, the big rough calloused hands that have never bothered him before became the thing he hated most..

It wasn't until recently that you two have become intimate, since— for months, the most you had done was kissing, Shouta even seemed to dislike holding your hand for some reason.

One would say he probably wasn't interested in you.. but you know him too well, you see it in the way his tired eyes brighten up each time they meet your face, you see it in the genuine smile that never fails to find its way to his lips whenever you talk to him about your day, and you see it in the cute little blush that dusts his cheeks all the way to the tips of his ears whenever you whisper a soft "I love you" against his lips.

However, everytime his hands find their way to your yearning skin, he hesitates and retracts them immediately, leaving you hurt and confused..

This time as well, he was doing it again.

You were straddling him on your couch, the movie you two had planned to watch was long-forgotten and playing on the background.

_ "Shouta.." you could barely utter between hungry kisses, as his lips devoured yours and trailed wet open mouthed pecks along your jaw and neck.

You tilted your head back and rocked your hips slowly against his hard cock. You could barely wait to shed the layers of clothing separating you, to be stretched out and full as he finally eases himself into your weeping pussy.

From the corner of your eye, you could see his hand gripping the soft cushion on your couch and your heart sank, why does he always do that? Why does he hesitate everytime his fingers touch your skin? Why— even in your most intimate moments, he still refuses to touch you freely?

_ "Shouta, please touch me.. I want to feel your hands on me, please.." you were desperate for him— pride be damned, you were no longer hiding your longing.

You felt it, the flinch, the tremble of his lips against your pulse, the inexplicable sigh, you felt it all and had to ask.

_ "Please tell me what's going on shouta, am I doing something wrong? Why don't you like touching me?" you begged for an answer as you searched his eyes for one.

Though all you could find was a mixture of sadness and shock, "no no no y/n that's not it at all! You're wrong sweetheart please trust me," but he had to explain, he owed you at least that much, "how can I allow myself to touch you freely when my hands are rough and disgusting?" his head hung low as he struggled to confess.

Did you hear him right? Was he truly that insecure?

_ "Shouta," you ran your fingers along his arms until you reached his fisted hands, "you're so cute," you giggled as he let out an exasperated sigh and immediately grabbed his hands and intertwined your fingers, "I love you and I love everything about you," you ran his palms against your cheeks and took your time to kiss each and every finger, each and every knuckle, nuzzling the rough skin he hated so much and you loved just as intensely, "those hands protect and save, they put others wellbeing above all else," you smiled seeing that cute little blush again and moved his arms under your shirt, running the fingers you loved so much along your warm skin and moaned in pure bliss, "those scars and callouses adorning your hands are proof of your dedication, and being touched by them is a privilege."

His eyes followed your every move, unbelieving what was happening, but the feeling of your delicate skin against his rough fingers made it all real, the soft sound of your words and moans proved that you meant everything you were saying, the flush of your cheeks and aroused expressions chased away every doubt that had clouded his mind for so long, and suddenly, you weren't the one guiding his hands along your skin, he was the one doing it on his own and God! Did it feel good.

_ "I love you more y/n, I never thought I would feel this way for anyone ever, but you proved me wrong and I'm grateful you picked me."

You are grateful as well, for living in a world where Aizawa shouta exists.

[bi-bard]

Cruel Trick of Fate - Xenk Yendar Imagine [Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves]

Title: Cruel Fate

Pairing: Xenk Yendar X Reader

Word Count: 1,508 words

Warning(s): self-image issues (i think that's a good way to describe it), mention of attack

Summary: Xenk saves the life of a person in need. (Y/n)'s time spent healing brings the duo exceptionally closer than either of them considered to be possible.

Author's Note: I don't know if I'm surprised that this is happening or not.

------------------------

My story truly begins when I woke up in what I assumed was a cave.

I had no idea where I was or how I had gotten there. And once I blinked the sleep from my eyes, I realized those facts and shoved myself out of the bed.

I scrambled, doing a circle in the hopes of getting some kind of hold on my surroundings. It didn't do much.

I reached over blindly, grabbing a stick of some kind that I could use as a makeshift weapon.

"You shouldn't be moving around."

I jumped when I heard a voice. I held out my arms, trying to look more threatening to the man than I actually was.

"You hit your head," he said. "You should sit down before your head begins to hurt again."

"Who are you and where am I," I asked. "And why did you bring me here?"

"My name is Xenk Yendar, this is my home, and you were attacked," he answered simply.

I raised an eyebrow at him. "That didn't actually answer my final question."

"Your head was hurt," he repeated. "By the creature that attacked you. Do you not remember?"

"Head injuries can impact memory," I replied. "Shocking, I know."

"I do not find that shocking at all," his eyebrows furrowed for a moment.

"I was being- it wasn't- why am I explaining the concept of language to you," I scolded myself more than I truly spoke to him. "Let me go."

"I cannot do that in good conscience," he shook his head. "How are you feeling?"

"I- I'm fine," I blinked a few times when a spiking pain shot through my head, finding a place in my temple to continuously remind me of its presence. "I want to go home."

"If I allow you to do that and you end up even more hurt on the trip, then I would never be able to forgive myself."

"Then you can guide me, how's... how's that?"

I must've swayed a bit when I spoke.

Xenk stepped forward, only stopping when I shakily pointed the stick at him.

"You are threatening me with a stick and are clearly weak, please sit down," he pleaded.

I closed my eyes, my face scrunching up a bit as I did so. I felt him pull the stick from my hands before guiding me to sit back down on the bed.

"I will be right back."

I dug the heels of my hands into my eyes, not acknowledging his comment.

At the time, I decided that the entire event was decided by some cruel act of fate.

It felt like I spent ages with Xenk.

At first, I was angry. Dismissive. I made my discomfort very well known. The more that I looked back on that time, the more stunned I am that Xenk never told me to leave. He refused to give up on me until I was fully healed.

I did eventually begin to calm down. Anger and annoyance became something close to indifference. It was all much calmer. We would eat together, conversations were less awkward, and my constant need to fight or run seemed to dissipate.

When that indifference changed, I wanted to refuse that it happened.

It felt strange to think that such a change had happened. Ridiculous.

It was so much easier for me to ignore it happened at all.

And then, Xenk came back with a wound on his arm.

I furrowed my eyebrows as he walked in.

"Are you alright," I asked.

He nodded. "Just need to take care of this."

I watched him for a while as he cleaned his wound and attempted to take care of it. It didn't seem like a very intense wound, but it did seem a bit difficult for him to take care of.

It took me far too long to finally step in.

"Alright, stop," I walked over and swatted his hand away. "I may go mad watching your stubbornness."

His eyebrows furrowed for a moment. "How would my supposed stubbornness cause you to lose- you were figurative!"

"Yes," I nodded as I moved his arm. He hissed a bit. "Does that hurt?"

"Not at all," he replied, voice slightly strained.

I rolled my eyes before walking around him and sitting behind him on the mattress. He was able to lower his arm and I was still able to properly take care of his wound.

I remained quiet as I wrapped his arm. I was the youngest in my family. My experience with tending to wounds was minuscule. But I could do some of the bare minimum.

"How is that," I asked quietly after pulling my hands away.

"Better than I could have done on my own," he mumbled.

It was then that I noticed how... strange the moment felt. We were so close and it all felt so... intimate.

We fell silent again. We both seemed fixated on watching each other's eyes. As if we were attempting to read each other's minds before either one of us made a mistake.

I nodded somewhat awkwardly before going to stand from my spot. "I... I think I am going to make us both some tea. I know that it won't heal you, but it certainly couldn't hurt."

I went to walk away, but his good hand stopped me, catching my wrist before I could get too far away from him. I stopped, turning back to him.

"What is it," I asked quietly.

He blinked a few times as if suddenly realizing what he had actually done. "I... I'm afraid that I don't truly know. I'm sorry."

He let go of my wrist, still stunned by himself.

I paused for a moment. After contemplating my choices, I stepped closer to him. He looked up at me.

My eyes moved up to his forehead. I don't know why. I think holding eye contact with him was simply too intense. I heard him sigh as my eyes moved. He must have assumed that I was staring at the mark decorating his skin and not just trying to cope with my own emotions.

"That is why it has taken you so long to fully trust me," he muttered.

I furrowed my eyebrows. "What?"

"The symbol of Szass Tam," he explained, looking away from me. "Some part of me will always be lost to it. I am closer to a monster than not... it is why you were so hesitant to trust me."

"No," I shook my head. "No, no, Xenk. That is not true."

He looked at me again.

"I didn't trust you because I was hurt and found myself in a strange place with a person that I had never met before," I corrected. "It was a very understandable reaction. But once I got to know you, I trusted you more. I cannot think of a single moment that the symbol on your forehead was what determined how I felt about you.

"You are also far from any kind of monster. You are a hero. You have saved many people, you protected me when you didn't even know my name, you have vowed yourself to a life helping others. I don't know a monster that would ever do such a thing."

Xenk seemed to scan every inch of my face, waiting for some sign that I was being dishonest. I reached up, gently running my thumb over the mark on his forehead. He took a deep breath, eyes falling shut as I did.

"Silly thing, really," I muttered. "I didn't even notice it when we first met. Did you know that?"

"Really?"

I nodded. "I was a little too focused on other things... like figuring out what had happened."

"When did you notice it," he asked.

"We were having dinner. That first night," I said. "I was refusing to eat until you did, so I had nothing to focus on other than you. That's when I started making out the symbol. I just... I couldn't bring myself to care about it."

"Why?"

"Don't know," I shrugged. "Instinct... fate?"

"I do not understand why fate would prevent you from caring."

"Maybe fate didn't want me to leave," I replied. "If I cared about the mark, then I would have."

"And why would fate not want you to leave?"

I could see something cross his face. Some small, knowing look. I bit back a growing smile at the idea. There was this air of safety and comfort. Security in whatever choice I made next.

I took a deep breath before leaning down and gently pressing my lips to his. I felt the hand of his uninjured arm reach up and touch the hand not resting on his face.

It was only a few moments before I pulled away. I slowly grinned at him. He smiled back at me.

"I'm glad that fate kept you from leaving," he muttered.

I chuckled. "So am I."

I leaned forward and kissed him again.

Quite a cruel trick that fate decided to play, wasn't it?

------------------------

Author's Note: I just wanna brag about the fact that I managed to guess where this movie was filmed while I was watching it with a friend. It was the coolest thing I've done in a long time.

Also, that I kept making comparisons between this movie and Ella Enchanted, but that's not really as cool.

------------------------

Navigation Guide

What I Write For

Some Original Characters

[statelysapphic]

Letters to Emily

Emily Prentiss x Reader

Summary: When Ian Doyle takes away the one person you love, you find solace in writing her letter.

Warnings: Typical talk of Emily being dead. Hurt. Let me know if I missed something<3

A/N: Hi friends! It’s been a while. I’ve been working on this for a while, and idk how I feel about it. I very lightly edited this. Feedback is appreciated as always. Ao3 Link. Enjoy!<3

July 26, 2011

Emily,

I accepted the job. I’m not sure what would piss you off more though: the fact that it’s a desk job or the fact that it’s in Phoenix and I’m leaving Quantico. Leaving the team. I know you’d tell me that I’m making a huge mistake but it’s just too painful.

JJ brings me coffee every morning, just like you did, and even though I know she means well, it’s a painful reminder that you will never bring me coffee again. When I look up from my desk in the bullpen to see the empty one across from me, I’m reminded that I won’t be able to watch you work anymore. I loved watching you pour over files, watching the gears turn in your head. Putting the pieces together and catching the bad guy. You were brilliant.

Emily paused as her vision blurred, the burning sensation of tears threatening to spill catches her attention and shifts her focus. She was angry. Angry at Doyle for forcing her into this mess. Angry at JJ for not telling her that you transferred. Angry at Hotch for even approving your transfer request. Angry at Derek, Spencer, and Penelope; Did they even try to convince you to stay? She took a deep breath, and then another. As she felt her heart rate return to normal, she wiped the tears away from her cheeks and continued reading.

Everything here is a painful reminder of you. Everything. I walk past a framed photo of you every single day and it guts me. Every single time. I can’t keep doing it, so I’m running. I know you’d be so disappointed in me. Virginia isn’t home without you, Em. It stopped feeling like home when JJ told me you “never made it off the table.” I don’t think I’ll ever find your feeling of home again.

I’m not sure how to tell the team about the transfer. Maybe I’ll buy them a round after this case and break the news to them then. Booze and karaoke should soften them up, right?

I don’t think they’re going to take it well. I just hope they skip the guilt trip.

I hate to end this on a sad note, so I will say that I think Arizona will be good for me. Lots of sunshine and wide open spaces. New people, new experiences. I actually think I’m excited, even though I feel guilty for it. I suppose that will get better with time. I don’t know if I’ve told you this, the one item on my bucket list is to go rockhounding out west. Maybe I’ll treat myself once I get settled.

I miss you so much, Em. But I love you even more. Always.

Emily refolded the letter and slid it back into its envelope. As she placed it on the coffee table in front of her, she finally allowed herself to cry. She had done everything in her power to protect you from Doyle and her past. Although you were physically safe, it was clear from your letters that the emotional toll was severe. She was only about halfway through the stack that she found in your bedside table, and she still had three months worth left to read. She knew she wouldn’t finish by the time you got home, but that was okay.

The raven haired woman sighed, picking up the next letter in the pile.

August 12, 2011

Emmy,

Fuck I miss you today. I wish you would’ve been here to ground me though that. Or kick some ass for me. The movers were nice enough to break my bed frame while bringing it up the stairs and then denied doing it. I watched him drop it, babe. I wasn’t even mad until he denied it. Don’t worry, I called the manager and received a full refund for the trouble.

I wish you were here to cuddle on this couch with me. I miss the way you’d hold me. I felt untouchable when I was in your arms. I think you’d like this new apartment though. The master bedroom has a killer view AND a balcony. It also has plenty of south facing windows for my houseplants, and room for many more. My collection has grown exponentially since you’ve seen it last. As odd as it sounds, they’ve helped me through this.

Sorry for the short letter today. Who knew moving halfway across the country would be so tiring? Could’ve fooled me. I love you, Emily. Always.

Emily chuckled lightly at your sarcasm, but soon felt the tears return.

Sadness began to fade within Emily, and anxiety soon took its place. She was unsure of how you would react when you came home after a long day at work to find your not-actually-dead partner sitting in your living room, reading your private letters, no less. Sure, they were technically addressed to her, but she knows you never thought anyone would read them. Maybe this wasn’t the best way to do this, but Emily vehemently rejected all help that the team offered. Hotch offered to call your Supervisor to have them sit you down to talk you through it. JJ nearly begged Emily to help in some capacity, already feeling immense guilt over the situation. Though, she almost let Rossi accompany her when he offered, and she was beginning to regret not doing so.

The regret faded almost instantly as Emily heard a key in the front door. Her heart rate increased and her chest became tight. The reality of the situation had settled in for Emily, and the uncertainty was paralyzing. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, a sorry attempt to calm her nerves, as she braced herself to face you. She heard the door shut, followed by footsteps that grew louder and louder until there was silence. Emily didn’t dare look up. Even as she heard the loud clatter of what she assumed were your keys colliding with the hardwood apartment floor.

“E… Emmy?”

~

[disabledunitypunk]

[Image ID: cropped tumblr post reading - as an ND able-bodied person, i just wanna say that cpunks are NOT doing anything wrong by not allowing us in their community. its completely okay and im actually very very happy that physically disabled people finally have their own space where they dont have to deal with ableism toward them all the time

able-bodied NDs have it made in this sense. we have TWO communities! we have neuropunk and madpunk, and you can go on any social media platform and easily find hundreds of other NDs on there along with little communities and shit. but physically disabled people dont have it that easy. when they DO find one that isnt just about ND people, it's still full of ableism. i've seen it myself and it makes me sick

so physically disabled people decided to make their OWN community. just for them. no one else. then THATS when able-bodied NDs start getting pissy and call them ableist when they were basically doing the exact same shit before.

you can handle not being allowed in one community. theres two more you can be part of just fine

if youre an able-bodied ND who sees yourself in any of this, maybe you should stop and look at yourself. make some improvements

to the cpunk community, dont let people like this tear you down. stand your ground, push these people out. you deserve your OWN safe space and no one will take that from you /end ID]

okay this shit right here?

pisses us off

the whole point is that cripplepunk has become not about focusing on physical disabilities, but about gatekeeping neurodivergence from ever being considered physically disabling, about policing neurodivergent reclamation of a slur that has been historically and commonly used against BOTH neurodivergent and physically disabled people, about reducing physical disabilities to mobility disabilities, and about treated neurodivergent people as abled to the point that they don't EVER lack accessibility or NEED accommodations just to be able to do the same things as abled people

I don't personally have a problem with spaces that focus on physical disability, but I'm not even allowed to find commonalities in my own experiences as a physically disabled neurodivergent person or I'm "derailing". I'm not ever allowed to find my neurodivergence more disabling than my physical disabilities, even contextually, because neurodivergence is "disability lite" and high, middling, and fluctuating support needs people apparently just don't exist. I'm not allowed to talk about how I physically couldn't access a venue or event because of my neurodisabilities. I'm not allowed to be physically disabled by the organ that controls all functions of my physical body.

As a physically disabled neurodivergent, multiple marginalized person on the basis of my disabilities, I am not safe in these spaces. I am actively pushed out of these spaces for being neurodivergent, despite being physically disabled by things completely unrelated to neurodivergence!

I have been called able-bodied more times than I can count, despite being housebound until recently due to mobility issues and lack of a mobility aid, and still being bedbound on my worst days! I have been straight up called abled. I've been called a liar who wants to feel special and more oppressed for saying that my sensory issues are so disabling that there are stores I physically cannot safely enter, or I will have a massive meltdown and physically hurt myself. I've been told I can control this, and that hurting myself doesn't count even though I know someone who has permanent brain damage from hurting themself during meltdowns.

I've been told I should shut up and let real disabled people speak for daring to say cripplepunk spaces are hostile to physically disabled neurodivergent people.

Also, you've gotta love the ableist hypocrisy of "we get neuropunk AND madpunk" while gatekeeping cripplepunk. Mad actually is a slur that is used for a specific subtype of disabled experiences. I'm never going to gatekeep reclamation, and I don't think it's something that falls neatly and evenly along specific diagnosis lines. I think that there are absolutely neurodivergent people who don't have the specific disorders most people think of when they think of insanity that have been mistreated for being seen as "insane". Hell, I think there are physically disabled people - even entire physical disabilities that on average - are often treated with intense sanism that can reclaim the slur and that belong in the movement.

That being said, not all neurodivergent people are affected by sanism, full stop. That is something for each individual to determine, but especially for people with lower support needs and combined types/presentations of neurodivergence that are more palatable to abled people... some of them face neuroableism, but not sanism. That's an important distinction.

Basically, anyone can face sanism, but not everyone does.

Also, there ARE hundreds of spaces for SPECIFIC physical disabilities. There's not that many spaces for neurodivergence that aren't just autism+ADHD, and there's not that many physical disability spaces that aren't just "mobility disabilities"+"any chronic illnesses that still sometimes affect your mobility as a side effect" (which yes are mobility disabilities but honestly aren't even treated as such in these spaces).

Like, the whole point is that neurodivergent people who AREN'T able-bodied don't GET a space where they don't have to deal with corpoableism from other neurodivergent people and neuroableism/sanism from physically disabled people. The whole POINT is that people gatekeeping cripplepunk are being ableist, and erasing/minimizing the disabilities of neurodivergent people. The whole POINT is that they're ignoring the experience of the organ that controls your body sometimes disabling said body because said organ doesn't work right.

The whole POINT is that You. Cannot. Label. Someone. Else. Able. Bodied.

And sure, there's lip service to the fact that "oh well if you're actually physically disabled then this isn't about you"

except it is.

because if you're physically disabled by the "wrong" diagnosis you're an attention-seeking ableist faker

because if you want to talk about your whole experience as a neurodivergent physically disabled person you're "an able-bodied neurodivergent derailing discussions about disability" (yes, they actually say disability sometimes, mask off, not physical disability specifically)

because if you're neurodivergent and physically disabled and you present evidence of historical medical textbooks calling people "mental cripples" you're "cherrypicking rare examples" despite simply picking 5 out of the HUNDREDS of links you could have sent

because if you are neurodivergent and even dare to find similarities with your own neurodivergence on a post about a physical disability you also have you're "an abled person invading disabled spaces". Yes, they call neurodivergent people they believe to not be physically disabled "abled" as if brain disabilities don't exist.

"just for them. no one else."

You said it right there. That's the problem. It's not for physically disabled people AND physically disabled people with other disabilities. It's for physically disabled people - again, meaning only mobility disabilities, no, GI disabilities or blindness/vision impairment etc don't count! - ONLY.

With one exception.

If you tout the party line about how ableist neurodivergent people are, never ever mention your own neurodivergence, hide it deep down like the evil ableist you fundamentally are, and let yourself be tokenized as the person who is mentioned in "see! physically disabled people who are neurodivergent are allowed here [if they're never openly or visibly neurodivergent]" then you're allowed in the club.

And that's without even getting into the massive amounts of sanism and neuroableism in cripplepunk spaces OUTSIDE of the gatekeeping. I touched on it with the calling neurodivergent people abled - but the use of crazy and insane as an insult, the arguments I've seen for mentally ill people to be forcibly institutionalized and forced to "recover" by being coercively made to take meds to suppress their neurodivergence or go to therapy where they are being psychiatrically abused, the absolute horrific treatment of cluster B disorders - all the stuff you expect from abled people, but coming from other disabled people.

So even if, let's say, the cripplepunk community was completely welcoming to all neurodivergent people who were physically disabled in any way, including by their neurodivergence: that's what's waiting for us. Just a different kind of ableism in the space we went looking to escape ableism in.

No one's taking anything from anyone by saying "I'm a cripple too, stop being massively laterally ableist to me". You're just an ableist sucker with a taste for boots.

[blaqueswanzaghouliishiilikeda]

even tho that scene™️ in ep 5 is harrowing to watch, the scene that i actually struggle with the most (and literally have to fast forward through) is in ep 3 when Louis goes to give the twins presents like…i know what its like to be transformed by trauma in a “dark” way on top of already being different in a way that families often times aren’t accepting of. i know what its like to be desperate to appeal to their acceptance and feel loved by them even tho i can never be who they prefer i be. i’ve been reactive (meltdown) in an attempt to make a space for myself amongst them in the only ways i can. it hurts to watch that scene. it hurts to watch his mother grab his chin and say yes this is who you’ve always been to me finally revealed as if everything he did out of love and support for them will never outweigh the ways he disappoints them. but he feels the weight of having held them up only to be crushed by their refusal to give him the love and support in return in the way he needs it.

then he goes home to his husband who mocks him with an orgy he was never going to allow + delivers the news of the azalea like its nothing + “how dare you cheat on me back?” + he’s like ‘your ed is personally offending me and my hard on’ and then it only gets worse from there. ep 5 was built up so well and the escalation happening after their babytrap, the vampire Claudia, is born is so real idk how anyone was blindsided.

it’s actually in my top 3 fav episodes, if not my favorite even tho i struggle with it so much. i’m about to watch it again bc i like pain apparently

[mono-red-menace]

before moving from home my attitude was "i'm not disabled im not i'm not i'm not i just hurt a lot all the time and i struggle to get out of bed and standing is extremely painful and i collapse a LOT because my knee just gives out and i have painful snaps and pops as i walk, especially when i turn, but im not physically disabled im just a whiner it's actually not that bad."

and then i moved here and i started using a cane so i would stop collapsing and i realised HUH. this helps. and my gf kept saying "you're literally physically disabled. please stop pushing yourself to perform at the level of an able bodied person" and like. yk i started to realise. maybe i am disabled.

but i LOATHE being disabled yk. i hate that i can't do things that i like to do yk. i hate that cooking is hard on me and i LOVE to clean the house but its physically painful. i struggle to do anything other than lay in bed a lot of days bc im in a lot of pain and its just.

i want to push past the disability and be able to operate the way others do yk? i want to do things i enjoy and feel accomplished and worthwhile and stuff. but im disabled and it makes me mad.

i'm like SUPER ableist but only toward myself bc like that's just how my family was yk? like i have ALWAYS had a lot of pain from my waist down, from since i was a little kid, but i was always told that i'm just a baby and it's not that bad and i'm just faking because i don't want to do things, yk?

and i wasn't allowed to go to a doctor about the pain or anything i was just supposed to deal with it and work through it and if i didn't i was being lazy and bad.

but then i went to a doctor when i got here and he's like.

"damn you've got some pretty bad degeneration in your hips, and a hip impingement caused by these can deformities in the ball of your hip joint. like this could potentially be early onset osteoarthritis"

and i'm just like. "😰 wait so i do have a physical disability?"

i'm in physical therapy to try to make it manageable and it's helping me a lot, but it's not helping me to be like. Able-Bodied, yk? it's going to help me get to a point where i am not constantly at a like, 5/10 on pain. and the goal is to get me to start operating at a point where im close to able-bodied level, but i will always be physically disabled.

and that's not even touching on the mental disabilities yk. i refused for a very long time to acknowledge that my mental disabilities were disabilities bc i was abused for not being able to perform at the level im supposed to. because im "really smart," so obviously me "not trying" in school is because im lazy, not because im disabled. i was literally offered to move on to like, college when i was like 7 because i was excelling so far beyond my level in the state standardised tests and stuff (they would do like, assessments and stuff, and my math assessment i was already on high-school level when i was 7, and my reading level was Beyond College.) and i turned it down as a kid because i had made my first friend. i'm wondering if i should've taken it now yk, but i think i would've instantly been made aware of exactly how debilitating my ADHD is. but also maybe it would be more one-on-one and would be easier on me, who knows.

anyways.

i'm physically disabled.

and i'm mentally disabled.

and both of these things affect me severely in day-to-day life.

and i'm finally starting to admit it to myself.

but i still haven't fully gotten over the hump, bc i often feel like im a failure, and worthless, literally just because im disabled.

and. i feel like if i don't try to perform beyond my capabilities at all times, im being lazy, and letting the disability win, yk?

and PT is helping me like, mentally get to a point where i'm like, okay. it's okay that i can't perform at the same level as others my age.

but it still sucks bc it doesn't just affect the things i NEED to do, it affects the things I WANT to do.

[nocturnalghoul]

Mushy May Day 8: First Time

Had a lot of thoughts about small dick Mountain being self-conscious about being intimate with some of the others cause everyone expects the big tall earth ghoul to have a giant dick, when in reality its pretty average, and it manifested into this. Zephyr helps the poor lad work past some of that during their first time together.

Hi @forlorn-crows remember when I said a random chunk of stuff about small dick Mounty in ya DMs like a week and a half ago? It’s a mushy may now :D (also thank you once again for organizing the whole Mushy May calendar!)

I'm forcing myself to try and keep my mushy may stuff short as a challenge to myself, but I’m (hopefully) going to be making this a proper full length explicit fic later on.

words: 1200

Rating: M (most of the actual sex itself is sort of skipped over but obviously there is still a lot of discussion and reference to it so just to be safe)

Read below the cut or on AO3 here

Of course Zephyr hears the rumors around the abbey, but they also know better than to listen to the gossip the siblings spread around. They love to snicker amongst themselves about the reportedly impressive package that the new gigantic earth ghoul was packing, saying that he was so reluctant to sleep with the siblings because he didn’t want to hurt them and other rather provocative images. 

It was interesting though, the few sisters who actually had a previous intimate encounter with Mountain seemed to always politely keep their mouths shut, keeping up an attitude that it’s nobody's business. He was rather shy with the ghouls too now that they thought about it, so the siblings stupid reasons had to be incorrect. 

No, Zephyr finally realizes, the other ghoul must be self-conscious about something for a yet to be revealed reason. It wasn’t a large concern though, with the way the two ghouls kept circling around one another it was only a matter of time before they would get to find out all for themself. There truly was no rush, they have always been a rather easy going ghoul, allowing life to carry them whichever way the wind may blow. They would never want to rush the earth ghoul in general, but especially into something he obviously has some apprehension about.

Only a week after that thought, it appears that the moment has arrived. After sneaky quick little make-out sessions all throughout the day whenever they would run into each other, Mountain finally invites the air ghoul to meet up in his chambers later that night after dinner. Zephyr can’t help the way his face quirks up into a small smile, his patience having finally proved worth it. 

Zephyr knocks on the door and laughs at the small surprised squeak he hears Mountain let out before he calls for them to come in. They feel the way their eyebrows shoot up when met with the already mostly naked earth ghoul and quickly step inside, taking care to lock the door. 

“I’m not running late, was I? Or are you just that excited, darling” Zephyr teases, moving to run a comforting hand along the already flustered earth ghoul’s arm. 

“More nervous than anything, and I didn’t want to have to spend time in my head about things while taking off unnecessary layers” Mountain spits out, looking intently at the floor. 

Zephyr places one hand on the earth ghoul’s chin, pressing lightly to encourage eye contact. “Mount, if you don’t want to-”

“No!” he interupts, a flash of worry coming across his face before looking up at the ceiling and chewing his lip.

“No what, little jade. No you don’t want to continue, or no you want to proceed?” Zephyr attempts to say as gently as possible, allowing their hand to slip upward, fingers combing through Mountain’s soft hair while they wait for him to figure out his answer. 

“I really do want to do this. I have for a while, I just… I don’t want you to be disappointed is all” 

“Nothing about you could ever disappoint me, Mountain. How about we start slow since you seem so worried.”

“Y-yeah, that sounds fine. It's not really that, it’s just- I know you have probably heard what all the siblings say and it’s not really true. I get why they assume that but it puts some pressure on me to bring something I don’t have, you know? It makes the first time with somebody feel like I’m going to let them down.” 

Zephyr has to stop themselves from immediately telling the other ghoul that his concerns are silly. To them, the alleged size of the earth ghouls dick was an irrelevant factor, but clearly this was the source of insecurity that had been causing Mountain to be distant when it came to intimacy with the other ghouls. While silly to Zephyr, that was not something that would make Mountain feel better. 

“I can tell that this is something that has been worrying you, little jade.” Zephyr starts softly after a moment's consideration. “All that matters to me is being here with you. I understand your trepidation, but please be assured that the drivel the siblings love to spout about the alleged size of your dick is far from the reason for my being here.”

They watch the way Mountain lets out a long breath, finally relaxing into the soft touches Zephyr has been supplying this entire time. 

“I know that I just-... I-... thank you for saying it I guess, Zeph” Mountain manages to mutter out. He seems to be letting go of some of that apprehension, but Zephyr can see the way his fangs dig into his bottom lip anxiously. 

“How about this, you finish undressing, and then lay down and let me take care of you okay? Let me put all those fears to rest.” 

Mountain nods quickly then takes a moment to fiddle with the band of his pants before removing them and laying back on the bed as requested. Zephyr does his best not to immediately look at the earth ghouls cock but with all the fuss about it they don’t manage to hold out long. It’s a little skinny, and overall rather average sized. He understands why everyone expects the earth ghoul to be equipped with something larger, but this is almost nicer, manageable.

The air ghoul quickly joins him, grabbing Mountain’s face in their hands softly, taking a moment to stroke their thumbs over his cheeks. They begin by kissing him on the nose before letting go and slowly working their way down whispering little praises into Mountain’s skin. 

Zephyr hums contently as he watches the other’s cock begin to fill out and harden as they continue their lazy path downwards, sucking beautiful little spots of color trailing across his sternum and down his chest. They can feel the way Mountain’s muscles jump beneath the skin everywhere they go and the deep rumble reverberating through his chest with each loud moan they manage to elicit from him. 

“Zeph, please” Mountain manages to choke out, and the air ghoul decides that the poor guy's cock has gone ignored long enough. 

“So lovely” the air ghoul whispers into the hollow of Mountain’s hip before shifting his attention like Mountain so sweetly asked. 

“Look at this beautiful sprouting sapling growing just for me, little jade. So perfect” Zephyr lilts. Mountain lets out an adorably strangled noise at the words. 

“Zeph, I need-” he attempts to begin, but Zephyr watches as the words slip away as they begin to mouth at his cock. 

The two hastily allow themselves to get lost in the whole affair, the earlier plan to start slowly and focus on Mountain mutually abandoned completely as they rapidly begin to paw at each other with incessant need. 

Afterwards as the two lay side by side fully exhausted, Zephyr is left somewhat speechless. “Unholy lord below do you know how to use that thing” are the only words that manage to slip out of his racing mind, the both of them bursting into uncontrollable fits of laughter at the outburst. 

Yeah, Zephyr thinks to himself, Mountain had nothing to be worried about.

[reigningrockets]

Sooooo... Netflix's Avatar the Last Airbender huh...? episode 1 thoughts under cut.

just finished episode 1 and.... I am.... not impressed. It seems like this show fails to understand the core of what made the original series work. It's only episode one and it is severely suffering from an ABUNDANCE of tell don't show. It looks incredible and the sets and costumes are all impressive and wow they even pronounced the names right... (can't believe that's actually a positive point) however none of that matters if they fail to deliver on the storytelling.

First off, I found it quite amusing that Katara's opening monologue was stolen not once but TWICE by other people. First by Kyoshi, then later on Gran Gran. And speaking of Gran Gran I couldn't help but burst out laughing when she just somehow knew Aang was the avatar despite there being literally no reason for her to guess that. She was a wonderful exposition dump tho (I say sarcastically). And more on Katara but this is not the badass that we know and love. She's quiet and meek and doesn't even free Aang from the ice due to an angry rant about sokka's sexism (more on that later). I know it's episode one and of course she's an inexperienced bender but she's still is powerful in other ways. This version is so... nothing.

Next, the show annoyed me when Iroh basically just told Zuko and in turn the audience that Ozai's quest for Zuko to capture the avatar was supposed to be impossible and Ozai wasn't ever expecting Zuko to succeed. Did the writers REALLY not think that the watchers could just... I don't know... PICK UP ON THAT FACT FROM CONTEXT CLUES???? Of course the task was supposed to be impossible. Ozai does NOT want Zuko back home but Zuko is so blinded by his mission he fails to ever see that or accept it. You don't need to tell us! SHOW US! Audiences are not stupid! (also every time I saw Zuko drawing in his little book, I just laughed.)

Also love (hate) how the show removed all of Sokka's sexism because it was "potentially problematic" or whatever.... I guess characters aren't allowed to grow any more. Originally, when Sokka went on a journey away from home, a home where he was taught the "warrior way" and grew up as the oldest man in the village, he was finally exposed to the rest of the world and his narrow minded view expanded as he saw more of the world. Sokka GROWS as a person and becomes an "all women are queens" icon. This is important to his character and Netflix deciding to do away with that plot point is going to severely hurt his character. And once again the show suffered by just outright saying "sokka had to grow up fast." WHY ARE YOU TELLING US THIS? YOU COULD EASILY SHOW IT I PROMISE THE AUDIENCE WILL UNDERSTAND!!!

Finally, I want to just remind people that there is no such thing as filler in a series that is not being adapted from a manga. There was NO filler in the original show. The show was about a journey and they SHOWED that journey in it's entirety. By cutting out the journey and just going to the "important points" you lose time getting to actually know the characters and bonding with them. Then when important stuff DOES happen, its that much more emotional. I felt absolutely nothing watching this first episode except for the occasional mild to severe annoyance.

So ya. The show is already massively flawed and its only episode one. I had a feeling this would be the case from the moment this remake was announced and I find myself once again asking why this was even made. Since... ya know... There is already a show... and the show is arguably one of the best pieces of animated media out there.... so ya..... At least this will once again spur people into watching the original show so that's something.

[scaryhaven]

The first three episodes I found Ed's struggle extremely relatable, hard to watch, and upsetting, but with a little time I was eventually able to process it, and analyze what happened, and the trauma he's gone through. But, you know who i can barely allow myself to think about right now? Izzy. I acknowledge i am biased, but i cant even imagine the amount of pain he is in by the end of episode 3. Ed and Stede knew each other for a fraction of the time that Izzy and Ed knew each other. He's dedicated most of his life to this man who ended up abusing him, belittling him, and essentially tried to kill him, but despite that, Izzy was not able to end Eds life, it wasn't until the crews lives were in danger that he finally allowed Ed to be "put down" without intervening. Even though he didn't kill Ed himself, the amount of guilt he must feel for letting the love of his life be killed right before his eyes, unable to protect him, for having been unable to stop Eds erratic moods in the first place, having been unable to make him happy, and in general, was not enough for Ed, when Ed was all that Izzy ever needed. He's a failure in every way that matters to him. Now, imagine the amount of agony he must be in, loyalty to Ed has been such a big part of Izzy's character, and probably even a measure of his self worth is found in his ability to stick by the greatest pirate ever known, and having the mental fortitude to wade through all the hardship that comes with that. i fully believe that without Edward, Izzy isn't certain of who he is. (Stede is Ed's lighthouse, and Ed is Izzy's anchor) He's an unmoored ship at this point. I've always felt like Izzy's real job is less about being a pirate and more about being Ed's protector specifically. And if Ed's dead, then he doesn't have a job anymore and for someone like Izzy, who is always focused on work and doing it properly, if he has no job, he has no purpose; his life is already over. We saw him attempt to end his life, whether it was because of the emotional or physical pain, its clear that he is dealing with suicidal thoughts, and that breaks my heart.

But the real part I'm struggling with is the way that Ed and Izzy differ in how their suicidal thoughts are exemplified. Ed was showing everyone just how bad it was, he was abusing and scaring everyone, until of course it all manifests in that final ride into the storm, where its clear he's serious, its very loud, and ostentatious, and he's begging for an end, or even help, if possible. But Izzy, Izzy keeps it to himself, he drinks alone, he cries silent tears, and when the others do see him cry, he tries to brush it off as if its not happening at all. He doesn't seek comfort from others or from warm soup, he doesn't attempt to hurt others, he curls up in on himself, and tells Stede "Go on Bonnet, give me your worst" fully expecting to be further abused, rather than empathized with. on top of it all, he's also a heartbroken man, who now fully understands that Stede and Ed are actually in love, and all these years, he never had a chance. Despite all that turmoil inside, he doesn't make a show of his trauma, or how broken he is, he doesn't make it as plainly clear as Ed did, that he actually does need help, he does need love, he doesn't even try because he doesn't think he would receive any, nor does he think he deserves it. To me there's nothing sadder than someone suffering in silence while surrounded by people that could and would help if asked. Izzy has instead put himself in a box away from others, and all I want is for him to get to a place where he can accept the love that is exactly what he needs, rather than being loved as best as one can.