#finding the nth term

[alwaysmathematics]

Sequences and functions

Generating sequences

A sequence is an ordered set of numbers/ terms arranged according to a specific rule. For example : 3, 7, 11, 15, 19. This sequence has 5 terms, in order according to a specific rule, added by 4.

There are two types of sequence:

Linear Sequence : each term will be increased or decreased by the same number. For example : 5.3, 4.5, 3.7

Non-Linear Sequence : each term will be increased or decreased by a different number. For example : 2, 4, 8, 16

Finding the nth term

You can find the value of a term based on its position. It is called as an nth term. The value of n is the position of the term. Here is the general way to construct the nth term of 3, 7, 11, 15, 19.

find the rule of the sequence

multiply it with the value of n

find the value of term before term position 1

place the result of step no 3 next to the result of step no 2

Now, we will execute them. (1) the rule of the sequence is "added by 4". (2) multiply it with the value of n, 4n. (3) find the value available before term position 1 is 3 - 4. The result is -1. (4) place the result of step no 3 next to the result of step no 2, 4n - 1. So the nth term of 3, 7, 11, 15, 19 is nth= 4n - 1

With this nth term, we can find the value of term in any position! For example, we want to know the value of term position 121 of the above sequence, 3, 7, 11, 15, 19. It means the value of n is 121. The nth term of this sequence is 4n - 1. Substitute the n with 121. It becomes nth term = (4 x 121) - 1. The result is 483. The value of term position 121 for this sequence is 483.

What will be nth term of 5.3, 4.5, 3.7? and find the value of term position 98. The answer of this question will given at the end of the post.

Finding the inverse of a function

Function can be in 3 different forms, an equation, a mapping and an function mapping. When you give an input to a function, you will get an output.

The example of function in the form of an equation is y = 3x - 2. From this equation, we can say " to get the value of y, we need to multiply the value of x by 3 and minus it by 2". The conclusion, x is the required input so that the function or the calculation can be executed in order to get the output, y.

The look of the mapping form for the same function is x → 3x - 2. The most left, x, is the input. The next one is the process should be done to the value of x (function) in order to get the output, y.

Above is the example of a function machine. X is the input to the function. The function will multiply the value of x by 3 and minus it by 2. The result of the function becomes the value of y. Y is the output.

The process or the function is read from left to right. When we read it in the opposite way, we can called it as inverse of the function. Here are the steps for inversing a function.

change the x to y and y to x

use the left arrow instead of right arrow

change the operation to the opposite one , minus to plus, plus to minus, multiply to divide, divide to multiply, square to square root, square root to square

Here is the result of inversing the function using a function machine.

The result of inverse the function :

in the form of equation is y = (x + 2)/3

in the form of mapping is x → (x + 2)/3

Work out the inverse function for y = (x + 1)/2. The answer of this question will given at the end of the post.

NOTE: When I want to find the inverse of the function, if it is possible, I will use a function machine. This question looks simple but if you don't understand well the function is and you don't know very well about the order of operations, you might make a mistake for this question.

The answer for:

What will be nth term of 5.3, 4.5, 3.7? nth = -0.8n + 6.1

find the value of term position 98. (-0.8 x 98) + 6.1 = -72.3

The inverse function for y = (x + 1)/2. y = 2x - 1

Thank you.

[14dayswithyou]

💖 Day 3.5 is now available! 💖

For the last couple of months, only Server Boosters had access to the 3.5 update... Buuuuut now it's available for everyone to play in the 14DWY Discord — and soon itch.io once I'm happy with the QA and state of the game — so please don't feel pressured to join unless you want to!!

The full devlog + even more screenshots are under the cut ^^

What's been added to the 3.5 version?

📺 Streamer Mode!

I've been told that it's difficult to stream and monetise age-restricted videos on YouTube and Twitch, so I added an option to remove the sexual content and strong language used in the demo.

Now y'all can invite Ren into your bed for cuddles without putting your streamer career on the line /silly /lh

This won't affect the 18+ rating or dark themes/elements of the game, however! Although Streamer Mode will prevent you from seeing any "gruesome" CGs in the future, most of the core elements of the game will still be tied to the choices and decisions you make. So you won't miss out on the overall experience by using streamer mode!!

⚙️ Custom Pronouns!

It only took me one entire year to get around to it, but you can finally choose your own preferred pronouns (or use a set of pronouns instead)... At the cost of being able to change them mid-game ^^;

Since the original pronoun screen wouldn't update until a new scene was displayed, I temporarily disabled the feature. But once I find a workaround, I'll bring it back!

💗 Choose how others perceive you!

You can now choose how the cast and narration perceive you! Originally, the narration was kept strictly gender-neutral (outside of pronouns and genitalia picked by the player), but this will soon change in future updates.

For more clarity: you don't get to choose the words specifically, but you can choose between masculine, feminine, and androgynous terms!

📋 Separate top and bottom genitalia!

You can now choose your tatas and pps separately! >:3

Alongside that, you can also choose your preferred body type!

I removed the "both" genitalia option because a few players still assumed it was an obscure version of "intersex". That wasn't my intention and I don't want to mislead anyone, so I took it out for now ^^;

I also didn't want to include a screenshot of the new genitalia choices in action (because it's NSFW), so y'all get the same character menu screen for the nth time instead lmao

📱 Relationship Screen Overhaul!

You can now change your own status for more immersion, and long-term Server Boosters will eventually be able to submit and use their own icon within the game as well!

Stalking finding your friends has now become easier by using "Buddy Maps"; a new app that allows you to see the location of all the cast members!

I want to offer players more incentive to check the relationship screen since they tend to miss the status updates, so hopefully this might help ;v;

It also says it "updates every few hours" so folks don't go overboard and check every 5 seconds to see where Ren is gdsghf (also keep in mind that he's a hacker lol)

🖤 Additional Scenes Update!

Day 2 received a brand new CG!!!!! Originally, I planned on only adding a few CGs sporadically throughout the game, but it didn't feel right to leave Day 2 so... empty... so I added a brand new CG to (hopefully) make things feel more balanced and natural!

If you decline Teo's offer on Day 3, Leon will now call and try to convince you to reconsider. However, players are still allowed to decline, and if they do, they'll reach a dead end.

After listening to feedback on itch, I changed some of the dialogue during Days 1-3 to make it seem more consistent! They're only small changes though, so it's honestly not worth looking for sdgjssga

🎶 Updated BGM and SFX!

I wanted to try out a different style of music to see if it fits the vibe of 14DWY more! The BGM features more acoustics to suit the "beachy" theme of Corland Bay, though I made a conscious effort to include piano elements as well to stay true to the original!!

I figured it'd be better to give players a live example before I make a poll (to see if they prefer the change or not) and publish it to Itch.

Some new SFX have also been added, though it's very minimal and honestly not that noticeable.

How to download and play the update?

(warning: clicking on the following links will open Discord!!) To download the Day 3.5 update, simply join the 14DWY Discord server, verify your age, and visit the "14dwy-updates" channel!

Alternatively, you can also wait until the update is publicly released on Itch to play it as well!! (It normally gets released shortly after a round of QA testing/getting feedback from the server, though I may release it earlier if I feel like it hehe ^^)

Enjoy!!

[deformedcat]

Endurance test

bttm male reader x boyfriend oc/character

i (kinda) lied abt the hyeon fic,, here's a smut drabble as an apology

fic include: no specific character,, messy in term of writing, no beta read, rushed, smut 😞

imagine your boyfriend tests how much your body can endure during sex,,

you were skeptical about it at first, but you agreed since he agreed to be gentle,,

he lied.

his thrust was far from gentle, you internally cursed at him.

your wrist are tied up behind your back, moaning and whimpering as your boyfriend thrust into you with an unforgiving pace.

his thrust grows harder as he takes in another drag of his cigarette before grinning, watching you arch your back when you came for the nth time.

he removed his cigarette from his lips, stubbing it against an ashtray on the nightstand.

he grabbed your face to bring you back from your dazed state, asking you a simple question—

"how many has it been?"

ah.

you honestly wanted to curse at his stupidly handsome face,, saying things like "you idiot! you promised to be gentle!!" but you kept that to yourself.

"i think i lost count.."

he stared blankly at you, showing you a smile, that damn smile that you fell for-

"its okay love,"

you watched him looking for something near the drawer, was he looking for something? he couldve at least pulled his willy out of you..

you bit onto your lips to muffle yourself, your ass sensitive even from any slight movement from him.

he took out a marker from the drawer, taking off the cap with his teeth,, you looked at him confused until he scribbled four lines on your thigh

"cause i still remember."

oh.

he kept the marker away, hoisting up both of your legs onto his shoulder before he starts moving his hips

"lets try harder this time, yeah?" he grinned.

youre gonna punch that stupid look off his face, after you two finish, of course.

how i feel after writing this:

a/n: honestly cringed at this way too much i stopped writing and went to made pancakes for my roommate and i,, then tried not to laugh everytime i typed in a word 🤷‍♂ first time writing smut, not sure how to feel lol. pt 2 or drabble of hyeon out soon,, im jst trying to finding the motivation for it

[hannieehaee]

Hey! I was wondering if you could write about one of the svt memberd being super good friends with the reader, like touchy. And everyone else is begging them to get together? 💛

content: f2l!chan, afab reader, seungkwan is far too nosy and too involved for his own good, fluff, etc.

wc: 1485

a/n: i wrote about channie since i think the while friends to lovers thing fits him super well hehe i hope u enjoy <3

masterlist

you and chan had been good friends for a good while now. well, no. it had been further than a good while. you'd known each other since you were young children.

despite chan's life taking a very drastic turn very early on upon his decision to become an idol, the two of you remained friends regardless. your friendship was truly one for the books. to chan's parents you were considered part of the family, which allowed the two of you to spend almost every waking moment together.

this pattern followed you into adulthood, a time in which you somehow becoming even more attached to the hip. his packed idol schedule never really got in the way of your friendship since chan would always insist on having you tag along, allowing you to take the role of one of chan's personal staff members in order to keep you as close to him as he could. this resulted in your friendship extending onto the rest of the members, who had known you since chan had first joined the company, practically treating you like yet another member of their family due to your constant presence.

now, your friendship with chan was quite special. the two of you were the closest duo that any of the members had ever seen. if anyone thought that chan was touchy with any member of seventeen, they surely hadnt seen how touchy he was with you. his hands were never off you for too long, nor his eyes. he was in constant watch of you, dragging you away from his members if they ever dared steal you away. if chan had a hotel room booked for tour, you were sleeping in bed right beside him. if he was at dance practice, he was cuddling you on the hardwood floor during his breaks. the boy practically broke out in hives if you were not in his arms, and the same could be said about you.

this was something the members used to find endearing; with the operative words being 'used to.' when you were teenagers, they had all seen it as cute and innocent puppy love between two childhood friends. however, the expectation had been that by the time the two of you turned 20, you wouldve snapped out of it and realized your very clear feelings for each other. but contrary to their assumptions, the two of you were now on your 24th year of age and had yet to move past the label of friendship. the thought of the two of you uselessly repressing your feelings for each other had most of the members going insane (mostly seungkwan) by then, which was something a few members had recently started to make known to their youngest brother.

~

one of the first few times in which seungkwan chan's friends began to show their frustrations at his lack of action in making you his took place on a regular afternoon. seungkwan and chan were walking together into the halls of the hybe building, with seungkwan suddenly inquiring as to why he didn't just close the deal with you and made it official.

"i told you it's not like that! we're just friends, that's it", whined chan for the nth time that week.

"i dont buy it. neither of you has ever been in a long term relationship. you're just playing the long game for no reason. she likes you, just ask her out!", seungkwan began to get exasperated at the stupid obliviousness of his friend.

"we work too much, it's– we have no time for relationships."

"'we'? see! you come as a package deal. just date each other!"

"hyung, just drop it. it doesn't mean anything," he groaned before parting ways as chan went onto some individual schedule and seungkwan joined vernon to head over to do a live together.

"what was that about?", inquired an unsuspecting vernon.

"asked him about y/n again."

"ohhh. don't worry about it. they'll see it for themselves one day. it's too obvious."

"yeah. guess you're right."

~

another instance in which chan was yet again bullied over his lack of self-awareness of his relationship with you was only a few days later. mingyu and seungkwan had just happened to walk in on you and chan playing badminton in the practice room. chan was wrapped around you from behind, hands holding onto yours, guiding your movements as jun played on the other side of the net. you were a mess of giggles as the ridiculous scene played in front of seungkwan's eyes.

"why do you look so disgusted?", spoke up mingyu, noticing the scowl on seungkwan's face.

"he's just so– he's an idiot! that's the love of his life! can't he just ask her out?"

"hmm. you're right. don't worry too much about it. i mean, look at them. it's only a matter of time."

"they're wasting years they could've spent together. god, why is he so dumb?", he wondered out loud, only earning a chuckle from his friend as the two of them joined in on your game

~

the next and final time seungkwan felt the need to express his frustration at your stubbornness had been upon walking into the practice room to find the two of you cuddled up on the floor. cuddled up might've been too light a term, seeing as you were laying completely on top of him with your face buried into the crook of his neck. your arms were nowhere to be found as they were dug into chan's hoodie, likely holding onto his bare back.

seungkwan scoffed at the sight. his friend looked far too content to be cuddling with a platonic friend. you looked too content to be cuddling with a platonic friend. the domesticity of it made seungkwan sick (okay, maybe he was being dramatic, but the two of you were far too frustrating to him!), causing him to walk over to you with judgement in his features.

"really?", was the first word out of his mouth as he stood over the two of you.

"wha ..?", chan tilted his head in confusion.

"this is platonic?"

"hyung, not this again ...", he groaned out, burying his head on your neck for a change.

you began to groggily sit up, now sitting on chan's lap rather than laying on top of him, "what are you guys talking about?"

"you know! there's no way you dont," seungkwan squinted his eyes at you as an annoyed look made its way onto his face.

"what?"

chan unburied his head from your neck, "he keeps insisting i ask you out because he thinks the way we act around each other isn't entirely platonic an-"

seungkwan interrupted before he could finish.

"our friendship is platonic. you ... you're a couple that's just too scared to put the actual label on it. you're driving me insane. either go out or stop being all over each other at all times!"

chan groaned out at his friend yet again, dropping his head to your chest as he hugged you closer to him. he took a breath against your chest before lifting his head back up, shooting his friend a glare before speaking up again.

"fine," he then turned to look at you, "will you be my girlfriend?"

his tone of voice sounded fed up, making anyone think that he did not mean his words. you, however, still sleepy and not fully understanding the context of the situation, lit up immediately at his words.

"yes!", you grinned at him, ignoring the presence of seungkwan and any other member who was now paying attention at the scene seungkwan had formed.

chan had to do a double take, staring at seungkwan and then darting his eyes right back at you, "w– what? you like me back?!"

"'back!'", seungkwan exclaimed with a gasp, "i knew it!"

"kwannie, shut up," it was seungcheol interjecting this time. about five members were now invested in the scene in front of them.

"yeah, of course i do ... were you not being serious?", you seemed put off by all the attention, but still putting all your focus on chan, who was still holding onto you as his wide eyes bore into yours.

"yes! i mean no– yes, i was being serious! be my girlfriend? please? wait, no. i wanna do this in private. c'mon, baby, let's go," he rushed to get the two of you up, grabbing your hand as he led you out of the room in a hurry, huge grins glued to both your faces as you giggled at each other.

seungkwan was left standing there, completely flabbergasted at how quickly it had all unfolded. suddenly he felt a hand pat his shoulder and a voice speak right next to him.

"huh. guess you were right," it was hannie.

yeah. he was right. now he could finally have peace knowing he had been successful in matchmaking his most stubborn friend.

a/n: chan asking reader out was inspired by that one tiktok of the guy who asked his bff to be his gf on video but she didnt know he was recording and she was all like 'yes :D!!!!' n he was all like ':00 okay!!!' idk i just found it so cuteshsjos

[chiliyue-archived]

Sitting on his lap

Includes; Dazai, Chūya, Nikolai, Jōno

Requested ! [Bsd M.List]

-

—DAZAI

" Belladonna, come sit on my lap~" Dazai had crooned to you, his cheeks tugging into a familiar expression of amusement. Before you could even protest, cotton hands and nimble fingers hooked around your waist, beckoning you close to his chest with just a couple of mere couple tugs.

" Osamu - you have work to do." You attempted, though you hardly resisted when you felt his chest press against your back, the tip of his nose nestling in your hair. And counterproductive to your words, habitually, you sunk into his embrace.

It didn't help that Dazai made quick work at finding purchase at your hips, running his index fingers over the clothed spot in a manner he knew would make you indulge to his needy touches. He chuckled as you exhaled deeply, surrendering to his actions.

" Hmm, don't underestimate me, love. Surely I can do both." He hummed nonchalantly, his grip unwavering as he opted to pepper kisses along your shoulder. You could feel him smirk as you failed to suppress a shudder, muscles stiffening beneath his saccharine affections.

" Besides, having a pretty you to keep me company? Why I call that motivation." He quickly interjected as you glanced over your shoulder, sending him a skeptical look comprised of pinched brows and pursed lips. Distractions would be a better term, you reckoned.

Dazai showed little signs of letting you go, arm encircled around your waist and all but enveloping you against him. His legs also hooked around your own, occasionally swaying your locked limbs back and forth.

Had it been up to him, you could foresee yourself always being within his clutches, smothered in sweet kisses that nudges did little to cease. In that reverie, it wasn't entirely unappealing - until you acknowledged his camaraderie.

" Good thing Kunikida isn't here. Otherwise, you'd really be in big trouble." You muttered, casting an uneasy glance toward the door. Even as the words hung in the air, you contradicted yourself, fully immersing against him and allowing the warmth of his chest to reverberate along your spine.

If anything, his grip tightened in response to your light quip, leaving you entrapped as he pressed a peck to the crown of your head. His voice took a complacent tone.

" Even if he did, 'Bella, don't think I'm ever gonna let you go."

-

—CHŪYA

" Hey Chū, can I sit on your lap?"

The question had caught your lover off gaurd, his grip on his pen stiffening to an unceremonious halt. Given his expression; a light rose expanding from his cheeks to the tip of his nose accompanied with the flutter of his eyelashes, you had almost assumed he was going to say no.

Very quickly, however, your concerns were met with swift reassurance as Chūya meekly nodded his head. It was followed by a terse answer of " Go ahead." Wordlessly, he accommodated himself on the elaborate cushioned chair, motioning you to join him with a shy flick of his hand.

His grip was tenuous at first, resting at your hip as his other continued to sway his pen. He let out a prolonged breath as you sunk into his embrace, arms draping over his shoulders and pressing your chest against his own. He wondered if you could hear his heartbeat spike as you squished your cheek against him.

" Comfortable?" He asked, his voice a little daunt with the proximity of the situation. He continued to shift a bit more until you replied with a satisfied hum.

With little results, he attempted to quell his thumping heartbeat, no doubt echoing through your ears as you nuzzled into him for the nth time. Yet against his own rationality, it hadn't even occurred to him that his own body arched forward, seeking to eliminate all spaces between you.

Flustered but undeterred, a soft sigh left him as his pen continued to work on the documents littering his desk - though his fingers moved rather aimlessly as his eyes kept glancing to your figure. You could feel his breath prickle your temples, lips just shy of the skin as he pondered for a moment.

Suddenly, he paused, favoring to instead tug the glove off from one of his hands before slipping that very limb beneath the hem of your shirt. Though shaky as first, tender motions traced out your spine, the pads of his finger slightly cold to your sensitive skin yet in a manner that was oddly soothing. He chuckled softly as you squirmed at his ministrations, his movement persisting at a tantalizingly slow tempo.

For the rest of the evening, Chūya made due with working with one hand whilst the other continued to rub at your back comfortingly. And of course - he took every opportunity he could to steal a glance, feeling a sense of pride - and a touch of hidden possessiveness- that you felt safe in his arms and that this was something he alone would share with you.

-

—NIKOLAI

You hardly managed to get a word out when you found yourself caged within the heat of Nikolai's arms, the limbs deftly circled firmly around your waist.

" Kolya-?!" You sputtered, the name muddled as one of his hands rested on the back of your neck, effectively pulling your cheek against his chest. In a couple of movements you found yourself situated on his lap, gloved fingers lazily rubbing at your sides.

" Don't fret too much, doll." He lightly chastised, an all too familiar grin coming to his lips. " Indulge me for a couple minutes, no? I believe you'll find yourself to enjoy this." He mused against your temples, voice reverberating along your skull.

You really could do nothing more than to slump your forehead against his chest as his fingers aimlessly ran along from the point of your shoulder down to your elbow. He watched with an increasingly growing gleam as you slowly succumbed to his pokes and brushes.

As you reclined your head against his shoulder, you could faintly make out a hum resonating from his throat, adams apple bobbing as he spoke; " See Dove, I kept my promise." A satisfied look etched on his features, taking note of your pliant state, muscles loose and relaxed.

The sound you made in response was muffled, cheek and hand settled over his sternum.

Your ears caught the sound of a light-hearted chuckle, gloved hands trailing to cup with your cheeks and puckering up your lips involuntarily. His gaze remained locked on yours, the intensity making you shift around with little avail - not with your body pressed against his own, both of your legs dangling off the edge.

With his hand remaning on your cheeks, he veered you in a for a kiss, gentle lips pressing on your own. He lingered there for a moment before withdrawing with a pronounced "Mwah!~" He watched with a broad grin as you sputtered over your words, lips still fully puckered with nothing but a playful glare that you can send him.

Nikolai let out an exasperated sigh, bringing you close to the clutches of his embrace once more and settling his chin to rest on the crown of your head. His mind drifts as he stirs other wondrous ideas for later use, gaze flickering down to your figure.

He observed with little words as you ultimately snuggled against his chest, arms slipping around his shoulder and eyes shutting close in serene verity.

He remained like that, having you sit on his lap as his fingers played with your strands of hair, coiling it with his pinky and watching it unwind.

Even as seconds and minutes melded together into a sloppy time frame, he relished having you in his presence for as long as that persisted.

-

—JŌNO

He can hear the pitter patter of your shoes as you approached him, the sound amplified in his sensitive ears. His head was already perking toward your direction before you could even have the opportunity to mumble a word. His brow quriked, curious to what you may want.

" Can I sit on your lap?" The question left your mouth, a sheepish undetone hidden. Well, he certainly wasn't expecting that.

Much to your disappointment, you were met with prolonged silence as Jōno took in your inquiry. You were fully prepared to be met with a hard cold denial until...

"... I suppose." The hunting dog replied, fixating on your habits; the light fidgeting on your fingers against his sleeve, the subtle thump of your heart or how you exhaled in relief when he didn't deny your request. How cute, he thought inwardly.

He pushed the chair back, wincing as the legs of the furniture grated on the floor. Though that keening ache hasitly vanished away as he felt your back press to his chest.

The raidence of your warmth was evident, proliferating from his sternum and to the tip of his fingers that set his nerves ablaze - yet not in a way he would click his tongue at in mild annoyance - instead he allowed for that warmth to accumulate, pricking the pads of his fingers.

His grip was tighter than usual, hands busied at kneadning your skin, letting out a nonchalant sound as his muscles loosened slightly by the passing second. It was almost a complete change in his demeanor, the ambiance coaxing a gentle smile to your lips as you reclined into his bulky form. He hadn't failed to notice how you slightly snuggled into him, a soft hum escaping you as you did.

" You are incredibly clingy sometimes." He added; however, his indicated nothing serious about his statement, even if it held merit to some extent. Yet contrary to his sentence, Jōno pulled you closer to him with small tug, thumb swiping over the pulse point on your wrist - a habit he had acquired in response to fuming emotions that only stirred whilst in your presence

" Right, I'm the touch starved one." Your playful retort was earned with a gentle pinch to your forearm. Before you could pout too much, however, you felt his lips brush against your forehead; the curve of a satisfied grin present, fully resigning to your snuggles and sugared endearments.

" I suppose we're both guilty of that allegation."

-

A/n; sorry for my absence, I didn't like the drafts I had for this originally and kept editing it. Still don't really like it but oh well 💀

[etheries1015]

Lyney x reader who was never a fan of magic.

"Its...fun. I can see why other people find it so entertaining. I just...do not enjoy being lied to, or deceived. So I try to pick it apart. I'm sorry for taking the fun out of it."

No lies, no tricks, full trust. He tries his best to convince you that magic is just fun , he's always doing the tricks that will ease you into trust. A flower from behind your ear, romantic gestures that make your heart flutter.

He loves when you show up to his shows despite your disposition. Seeing you front row even though knowing you're not as entertained, always makes him smile. You're there for him, supporting him, and so he always makes sure tl send a wink your way or manage to drop a rainbow rose in your lap when nobody else noticed.

Lyney tries, for the most part, to avoid doing tricks that may make you uncomfortable. Such as popping out of nowhere, or something of yours going missing and he was the culprit, or dissapearing before your eyes (he had done that once, you had panicked.) However magic is apart of his life! Its what brought him joy! You knew this, so you gave an equal amount of work trying to rethink and rewire your brain to come to terms that...magic isn't always just deception.

For him, you're willing to try <3

"And what's this behind your ear, my darling?" He said dramatically, you folding your arms and raising your eyebrows. You let out a slight sigh with a roll of your eyes yet and amused smile upon your lips.

"I wonder what it could possibly be...." You entertained his silly little game. For the nth time he pulled from behind your ear, a...bouquet of flowers?

You stared mildly bewildered. "How did you- huh? How'd you manage to get an entire boquet past me? Where'd you hide it?" Lyney chuckled. He knew you couldn't help picking apart the magic to deduct what had happened, but he ignored your question and simply pushed the boquet into your arms and pulled you into a hasty kiss.

"Come now my dear, the mystery is apart of the beauty! Now, Im going to do another magic trick- close your eyes and by the time I count to ten-"

"Lyney..."

He grabbed hold of both of your hands, pressing his forehead against your own

"And by the time I count to ten, we shall be at a wonderful restaurant for a beautiful date! Do you trust me?" He asked, with a twinge of insecurity causing his voice to tremble at the question. You didnt miss a beat before closing your eyes and nodding.

"Of course I trust you. Blow my socks off, mr. Magician."

<3

[lazycats-stuff]

could u maybe make a batfam x male reader and where the reader is like trained to be an spy or something and their mission was to figure out what was going on inside the manor but they figured out to much and got roped into the batfams family

Oh shit. Poor reader... He is going to get roped in well. Also, sorry everyone for this being short and vague. School started about a week ago and I'm already tired. Haha...

Summary: (Y/N) is sent to find out what is happening in the Wayne manor for a mission. He gets to roped in.

Warnings:

(Y/N) was still shocked at the mission he got. He isn't a stranger when it comes to infiltration and undercover missions, but this mission is on a whole a new level. The mission is about going undercover in the Wayne manor.

He had his fair share of undercover and infiltration missions, but he never had a mission of this type. It wasn't just a mission of few weeks, this was going to be take a very long time. Probably up to year or even longer.

He still doesn't understand what Bruce Wayne might hide in that manor of his. Sure, he is considered to be one of the richest and one of the most powerful people in the world, but still.

What type of information this man could have? More so, why are the kids thrown in to equation too? They seemed to be a happy family. He wasn't a fan of long term missions, he hated them with burning passion, but he didn't have any choice in the matter.

He takes what he is given and gets the job done as quickly as possible. You only say yes sir and go get ready.

The plan was for him to spend some time on the streets as an 'orphan'. It was a detailed plan. Every single possibility was considered when creating this plan.

One of the things in the spy business is that you can't get attached to people you are going after.

(Y/N) was going to break the rule very soon.

It has been 5 months since he infiltrated the Wayne manor. (Y/N) concluded pretty quickly that the family didn't have anything to hide. They are a normal family, with all the chaos that normally goes with it.

But what he didn't expect that he got too roped in. He got attached... The burden of why he was really in the manor was really weighing on him.

It felt heavy on his shoulders and he didn't know what to do now. He finally got a family, although through deception, but still, he finally got a family. He was alone in his life, but now he had a chance to be happy.

He was often told by his superiors that he had a natural talent for this line of work. It often grinded his gears when he heard it. Just because he was good at something, doesn't mean he wants to do it for the rest of his life.

He was in his room, sighing for the nth time. He needed to tell them. How was he going to tell them?

After another sleepless night, he ventured downstairs into the kitchen. He saw Tim alone, putting Red Bull in his coffee. They locked eyes for a moment and Tim pointed at his mug with his finger.

" Thanks. " (Y/N) mumbled, walking over to the mug.

" Is something bothering you? " Tim asked, raising his brow.

(Y/N) froze for a moment. Did they catch on? Is this a trap?

" No. " (Y/N) lied, taking a sip of his coffee.

" I don't mean to bother you, but you look like you aren't doing well. You can always come talk to me if you need to. " Tim offered and (Y/N) offered him a smile in return. It took some effort to smile genuinely, but he hoped that it worked.

" Okay. If you need me, you know where to find me. " Tim said, sitting down at the table. (Y/N) heard the others come in and he also moved to sit down at the table.

He tapped his fingers against his mug, feeling something weird. It was a gut feeling, something that came periodically. And wow, did come in strong now. Why would it come so strong now, he didn't know, but he knew that this going to be a hard day to go through.

" (Y/N), are you okay? You look exhausted. " Bruce commented, looking at (Y/N).

" I'm fine, just some trouble sleeping. " (Y/N) said, eyes moving back down to the coffee. Bruce exchanged a look with others.

It was now evening and the others formed a plan. They were going to confront (Y/N) with the evidence. They noticed how he wasn't even trying to fish out information anymore. They knew that he was trying in the beginning, but they were feeding him false information.

But he didn't need to know that.

Not for now at least.

The dinner was over and (Y/N) was ready to go to his room. Bruce, however, wasn't having it.

" (Y/N) we need to talk. " Bruce said, motioning with his head for (Y/N) to sit down. (Y/N) listened. What was this about? Was it about something he has done with the boys?

About the time when they put glitter on Bruce's work suit? Or when they accidently shot the wall and covered it up with a random photo? Or was it about (Y/N)'s true identity?

(Y/N) hoped it wasn't about that. But with all of the stuff that has been on his mind?

He was screwed.

He sat back down, watching as everyone's face turned neutral. Oh God.

He was made. His cover was blown. Gone. (Y/N) saw a paper folder with his name on it.

(Y/N) was exposed.

He raised his head, trying to stay neutral. He can't show his emotions.

" We knew from the beginning. " Bruce said, showing him the file. (Y/N)'s eyes widened for a little bit. What? Then... Whaaat?

" I know that look in your eyes. You are not doing this out of your own freewill. " Bruce continued, his blue eyes looking right into his soul.

" So I'm giving you a choice. Since your feelings were genuine and since the boys bonded with you, you can have an out. Or you can go back. " Bruce concluded and (Y/N) blinked a few times trying to comprehend all of this.

He was never this disarmed so quickly.

" I... I don't know what to say. " (Y/N) admitted softly and so quietly.

" Well, think about it at least. I won't force anything on you. " Bruce said and (Y/N) nodded, standing up.

" I'm going to my room. I really need to think. "

Everyone just nodded and (Y/N) left, letting out a breath. This... This went well.

[blouisparadise]

Upon request, today we have a rec list of bottom Louis fics where either Louis or Harry has amnesia. If you enjoy our rec lists, please be sure to like and reblog this post to help spread the word. Happy reading!

1) Finding Thoughts | Teen & Up | 6,810 words

"Hi, my name is Louis Tomlinson and I suffer from short term memory loss."

2) Our Love Was Made For Movie Screens. | Not Rated | 8,106 words

Harry wakes up and doesn't know anything about anything and Louis is his omega.

3) Cause I’m Really Not Fine At All | Mature | 13,679 words

Louis Tomlinson, one of the famous members of One Direction, is involved in a car accident that caused him to have amnesia, wiping all the last five years of his life from the memory. The interesting part is he may not remember that he has a girlfriend now, yet his mind seems to think that he has been in a relationship with one of the members, Harry Styles. Harry is baffled and shocked at the situation that's thrown in his face. He finds himself learning how to be a good boyfriend for Louis. It has to be easy.. right?

4) Indestructible | Explicit | 24,243 words

“Hi,” Harry murmurs, and Louis hiccups out a sob. “Hi,” he manages, still clutching onto Harry’s shoulders. Harry’s fingers drift across Louis’ cheeks, and there’s something off about Harry’s expression, but Louis can’t figure out what it is. “I’m okay,” Harry says, and Louis is going to say something to that, even if he doesn’t know what, except Harry’s kissing him. Louis freezes.

5) The Way This River Runs | Explicit | 27,417 words

Louis is provided a chance to start over. He takes it.

6) Deleted Scenes | Explicit | 33,623 words

Agent Harry Styles was injured on the job a few months back, and gets roped in one last mission before he can retire prematurely: playing house with Louis, a widower who has amnesia. The assignment seems simple at the beginning, but soon enough Harry's twisted in a web of his own making, and can't get out anymore.

7) Just A Pretty Boy | Explicit | 35,614 words

The alpha in front of him wasn’t only tall, but used every inch of his body to look even more threatening. He looked as shocked as Joseph felt, in his eyes he could clearly see horror and anger mixed into an odd and painful mix. It was as if he just watched a ghost or a monster from a nightmare come to life.  “Louis…” he said with a low voice. It wasn’t a question, he was calling Joseph by that name.  The crease between Joseph’s brows deepened. “Who?” Louis and Harry were married until, one day, Louis passed away in a tragic accident. Years later, he is found alive and with a thousand questions plaguing his mind. The most important ones; was his husband involved in his disappearance? And, how long did it take Harry and his best friend to fall in love after his supposed dead?

8) The Things I’d Do To Wake Up Next To You | Mature | 36,109 words

AU. Harry wakes up to a pregnant Louis Tomlinson and a wedding band on his finger.

9) Strangers In Love | Explicit | 42,207 words

Louis wakes up to find himself in a marriage with the last man he thought he'd ever end up with.

10) Define Me Again | Mature | 54,385 words

He's never felt so frightened in his life before, so fucking terrified for himself. And Louis. He looked down at their hands, which seemed to have been connected throughout the incident. He looked at the ring on Louis' hand, for the nth time that day. His heart hurt so bad now, he was terrified. He wanted to do so many things, he wanted to check on louis, if he- if he- God he couldn't even think about it. "Louis," he tried to whisper, but nothing but air came out from his mouth. "I love you, Harry," whispered a voice. But it was nowhere near him. Visions attacked his mind, rapidly flickering through like one would do the pages of a book. He was terrified. His entire life literally flashed in his mind, vision growing more and more weak and he fought unconsciousness. Memories and the picture of Louis lying unconscious in front of him altered and flickered, so rapidly that he felt dizzy with how fast his mind was whirring. What happens when you die? God he was so, so, so, fucking terrified. All his senses gave out, last thing he felt was Louis' hand in his and then, everything went black.

11) Flash Back To Me | Explicit | 73,068 words | Prequel

Louis narrows his eyes, wanting more than anything to tell Liam to go fuck himself, but he can’t be sure, is the thing. As much as he knows for a fact that he would never date someone like Harry Styles, he has months missing from his memory. And it’s scary to think that, in that time, everything he’s come to know about himself could have changed so drastically.

12) Consequences | Explicit | 78,556 words

Two years ago Harry let his powerful family come between him and the love of his life, something he deeply regrets. Louis has tried to move on from their devastating break up. Sometimes, he even thinks he has. It only takes one moment to freeze them back in time.

13) Invisible String | Explicit | 84,726 words

Louis swears on his life that that man came out of literal nowhere and he thanks each lucky star for having good breaks in his car. This strange alpha also happens to be the most beautiful being Louis has laid his eyes on. For some unknown reason, the omega feels safe around the alpha. It might seem strange, but you can't always explain why or how things are the way they are. All you can really be sure of is that they happen for a reason. There's a higher power (call it what you want) that knows better and definitely knows more than you do.

14) The Dead Of July | Explicit | 117,446 words

Harry is Captain America, and Louis’ been dead for 70 years.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

[zmbiesuga]

UNKNOWN / NTH — o. tōru x m!reader

sypnosis: self-proclaimed loverboy oikawa tōru always goes out of his way to see you.

warnings: oikawa snuck out, reader & oikawa are in 3rd year of hs here, the term boyfriend used is used in reference to reader but no formal pronouns mentioned, oikawa calls reader sweet angel, baby, babe, and just plain angel, fluff (sickeningly sweet), OIKAWA WITH HIS GLASSES 💘

notes: idc if he's a teenage boy, oikawa smells nice i know it.

At three a.m. exactly, you can hear the loud ricochet of pebbles off your window. You try to ignore it, you really do, but the noises get more aggressive with each passing second. It seems whoever is trying to get your attention isn't letting up.

With a small groan, you sit up and get out of bed. Trudging to your window, you don't even bother to look out of it as you open it. You open your eyes and scan, until it lands on a small brown patch of hair.

Oikawa is staring up at you with a boyish grin. His cheeks are flushed a light pink from the harsh October air and his glasses are slowly slipping down his nose.

"Hi sweetheart," he calls in a hoarse voice, shoving his hands in the pockets of his light blue hoodie, "mind letting me in?"

You can't help the small smile that breaks out on your face as you shut the window. You quickly make your way downstairs and open the door.

When Oikawa comes in, he tries to give you a kiss, but you stop him and point towards the stairs. He only looks at you and nods as you two tiptoe up the steps to your room, holding back shared mischievous giggles.

After you shut the door to your room, Oikawa wraps an arm around you and kisses you sweetly, your own arms loosely wrapping around his neck.

He tastes sweet, like amaretto coffee creamer, something you didn't find yourself enjoying until you met him.

"How is my sweet angel doing, huh?" he whispers against your lips, resting his forehead against his, "Miss me?"

"Tōru, I saw you earlier today," you respond in a giggle, "why are you here so late, huh? Don't you know I'm not supposed to have boys over?"

"What, a guy can't miss his boyfriend? That's blasphemous, babe," he replied with a smirk, letting his arm fall from your chest as he sits on your bed, "...I couldn't sleep." he admitted honestly.

You give him a soft look, turning off the light in your room and laying down on the bed. You open your arms and gesture to him.

He gives you another smile, taking off his glasses and shoes as he makes himself comfortable in your arms. His head resting under your chin while you hold him close.

You buried your face into his hair as you inhaled his scent, finding comfort in the way he smelt like freshly made cinnamon rolls on a cold day.

"I love you," Oikawa whispered against your skin, his eyes shutting whilst you ran your fingers through his hair, letting out a deep content sigh, "I'll never love anyone more than you...you're it for me."

A small giggle escaped past your lips as you put your chin on his head once again, "You're so sappy, Tōru."

"No, no I mean it," he said with conviction, pulling away from your neck and looking you in the eyes, "I love you more than life itself, I don't know what I'd do without you...you're it for me."

"Tōru, don't...don't say that," you replied softly, "love me and life equally...because life can be cruel, but life gave me you, and that's more than I could have ever wanted."

His cheeks flushed crimson as he looked at you, before he let out a laugh, "Geez, and I'm the sappy one...?" he asked, once he calmed down, the serious tone in hiw voice returned, "I just...I don't want to lose you, angel."

"You won't, Kawa," you replied, sticking out your pinkie, "I pinkie promise."

Oikawa looked down at your pinkie and then back up at your face, letting out a small giggle and interlocking his pinkie with yours, "Okay," he proclaimed, "okay, neither of us is going anywhere."

He lifted your interlocked pinkies and placed a gentle kiss on them, and then laid his face in the crook of your neck, giving you one last kiss on your collarbone.

"I love you baby." he whispered, his voice slurring slightly as his eyes becoming heavy with sleep.

"I love you too, 'ru," you whispered back with a small smile, hearing quiet snores in return, "sleep well."

[many-but-one]

Hey! Why did I split over something not even THAT traumatic??

I'm here to tell you. :)

So, this particular discussion has come up in our system server before and it's actually something I've wanted to talk about for a long time on Tumblr because I've never actually seen someone talk about this, and I am being hit with a sudden god-like hubris at 3 in the morning, so here we go!

So your question was "Why did I just split? What just happened wasn't even that traumatic. I've been through so much worse in the past, I don't even feel that stressed. What the hell? Am I just making this new part up?" and on and on. The idea that only the most awful and traumatic things are what cause splits in DID (especially later in life, after the childhood trauma window of 7-9ish has ended and especially in adulthood) is actually incredibly false, and I am about to explain why.

Note: This is about traumagenic DID systems, so endogenic systems, please stay off of this post thank you. :) /not mad

Note number two: I do want to get out of the way, that all parts DO split for a reason, there's no parts that exist for no reason (even if the reason doesn't seem relevant to you now, it may have been relevant at the time of the split, OR may have been somehow relevant to your brain even if it doesn't make sense to you now.) So I want to make it really clear that splits do not occur only because of hyperfixations. There typically has to be something going on for a split to occur, and hyperfixation alone will not cut it. Alright, now that I've got that out of the way, let's talk about how DID brains run on patterns.

DID brains run on patterns, like I said. All brains do, actually, but DID brains take it to an nth degree because these patterns that it learns are what help it stay alive in a distressing and traumatic environment during childhood. Our brains are remarkably plastic and they will do whatever is necessary to survive a given situation. It's why something like DID can even exist.

So what kind of patterns do we typically see in brains with DID? Well, the easiest one is that a lot of people with DID have pretty similar alter "types" or "roles." This is just a widespread pattern that you see across a large demographic of systems. It's why terms like "gatekeeper" and "protector" and "caretaker" exist. Because nearly all DID systems have parts that fill those roles, even if those roles aren't filled in the most "traditional" sense. DID is rarely random, every part exists for an express reason, and that reason is almost always symbolic in some way, even if it doesn't seem like it now. Once you start learning trauma memories and WHY parts exist, you very quickly start to see the symbolism and sometimes it is absolutely fucking terrifying, to say the least.

What other patterns are common?

Well, patterns we see in our own system and in other systems are something quite literally called "splitting patterns" which are more common in polyfragmented systems but not exclusive to them. This has various ways of showing itself, and the user @foreverfragmented made a post awhile back that I'm having a really hard time finding, HOWEVER I did screenshot the section about splitting patterns when I first read it, attached below:

Wow that photo ended up bigger than I thought it would be. lol. Anyway. Those are another example of splitting patterns. (Note: in the original post, FF talks about how some of the terms above were coined by them or other systems, so not recognized medically, however I think they were worded perfectly which is why I shared them here.)

Another few examples include alter templates (AKA, splitting the same alter over and over in varying iterations), the same parts going out for the same types of trauma every single time, and why certain alter roles very often have the same "flavor" of personality.

For example, gatekeepers are often considered a bit cold and distant, and can be very analytically minded and rarely react purely on emotion alone. (I feel like the most common gatekeeper Myers-Briggs has gotta be INTJ...that was a joke, lmao.) This is typically for a reason. You have to have a certain mindset and a certain way of handling things to be able to properly manage a system. And this is not to say all gatekeepers are this way, but the pattern of a LOT of gatekeepers being like this is not unnoticed. Our DID specialist could tell pretty early on that our primary gatekeeper (James) was a gatekeeper long before he ever told her he was simply because of how he held himself, how he spoke about others in the system, and how much he despised her for "stepping on his toes"😂 They work together much better now, FYI, but it was rough in the beginning.

An example of alter templates in our system in particular is what we call the "Michaels." They were some of our earliest alters, and our brain was like "hey this guy is working really well, so I'm just gonna keep doing it." And it worked! Then, when trauma shifted to something completely different but in the same vein (CSA) our brain once again attempted to use this "Michael" template. It didn't work quite the same. And so our brain had to figure out these new patterns, which it was fucking desperate to do because we were going through some heinous shit that it could hardly even comprehend. I've learned that basically every blue-eyed white-haired motherfucker in here was a Michael copy at one point, but had elaborated into some other version that suited its job more.

Now, for the example that is going to actually help me explain the answer to the question posed at the very beginning of this post: alters who go out for the same things over and over.

So, depending on splitting tolerance, or whatever you happen to be going through in your childhood, you will likely have various "groups" of alters that handle certain things. If you had a particularly tumultuous childhood with several varying types of traumas, you will probably have several of these groups. And depending on length of trauma time, severity of trauma time, and levels of support during trauma time, these groups may be very large.

For example, if you had a situation like domestic violence (DV) happening in your household, you will have a part or parts dedicated just for DV, and if you also had CSA going on, you will have a separate group of parts (or a single part) who handles only the CSA. Unless your system is quite small and you have alters take multiple types of abuses, this is pretty commonly the case. [Note: want to say this is not subsystems unless these groups are highly separated via either amnesia barriers or inner world (IW) barriers, and have better communication with each other versus the rest of the system. The definition of subsystem gets a little funky, but we're not talking about that. Just wanted to make that clear. You can have groups of alters without them being subsystems.]

"Okay, so yeah, you're right. I have alter groups for [insert various traumas] what does that have to do with me splitting over [insert mundane thing that isn't even really traumatic]?"

Continuing on the "DID brains run on patterns" line of thinking, if your brain has patterns set and understood for the various traumas that you lived through in your childhood, usually up until teen years or adulthood, your brain knows what to do when those traumas occur again. The patterns are set. It's why it's super common for people with DID who experience SA in teen or adult years and don't end up having a split. Unless they have an extremely low splitting tolerance or the situation is extremely unique, the brain will just recycle what it already has. No need to go through the literally massively painful and traumatic experience of splitting again for something it already knows how to handle. This being said, the part that experiences this might end up splitting at a much later date if this trauma is far too difficult for it to handle, this is also common because sometimes it's "easy" to handle the trauma in the moment because they're used to this flavor of trauma but the processing of said trauma afterward can be just as traumatic and can cause a split.

Same if your father was super abusive to your mother, or vise versa, and you happen to have an abusive partner. That pattern is known and comfortable. That's what professionals mean by "DID systems are more likely to be victims of abuse than perpetrators." They return to the comfortable patterns, which, with DID, equals abuse. Things outside of those patterns are dangerous and confusing to navigate and the brain will avoid that at all costs.

However, and this is the answer to the question. What happens when something happens that the brain doesn't recognize in its "pattern database"? I'll give an example.

Say you were very high achieving in school. This is pretty common of systems who were diagnosed in adulthood, so far as I've seen. You likely did really well, had really high marks because your parents expected it of you or were abusive and angry if you didn't constantly constantly succeed in their eyes. This can also reflect in sports, clubs, musical talents, etc. This pattern continues on in adulthood. You push yourself very hard to be high achieving. Whether this be in a college setting, a work setting, etc. You are likely often doing well in those fields pre-system discovery, at least. Post discovery often leads to the "spiraling" phase, which sucks but again that's not what we're discussing.

So, say you have a job. You're hella good at it. You are always receiving praise, you are always getting raises, your reviews are always hella good. You're like "okay yeah, I'm good at this job, so I'm going to apply to a higher paid position in the company that just opened up."

And then...you don't get the job. Well, that sucks. Better luck next time, right?

Wrong. Well, not entirely. That's completely true. But that's not how your brain is actually processing this, is it?

You might tell yourself "oh well" but in your high achieving brain's POV, it's like "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON???? WE DON'T DO THE FAILURE STUFF!!! WHAT THE F***!!!" And it might panic, and several alters might panic, and the host might panic, and suddenly they're spiraling out of control over something that is mildly disappointing at best. Because WE DON'T HAVE A GUY FOR THIS?! We have a guy for SA, we have a guy for DV, we have a guy for medical trauma, we have a guy for bullying, etc. But we don't have a guy for REJECTION?! AHHH! [splits a part just to handle rejection.]

In adulthood, I've noticed both in myself and other systems I frequently speak to, these highly specialized parts are more commonly split in adulthood. Because while patterns are super helpful in childhood when you're experiencing the generally same shit over and over, in adulthood or even late teen years, there's so many effing unknowns that the brain is just like "what the actual fuck is this, this doesn't follow the fucking SCRIPT you guys. The PATTERNS?? Do they mean nothing to you??"

DID is a disorder that is incredibly helpful for survival in childhood and is an absolutely miserable crutch to live with in adulthood. And that's not me saying it super sucks all the time, but the disorder is not meant to happen, it shouldn't have happened, and coping with it without therapy and proper integration of parts and memories just makes adulthood kind of a hellscape, to be frank. There are tons of positives, I am so thankful, don't get me wrong. But there are a lot of downsides too.

So, to kind of drive home some examples of things that can cause a split that might not even be inherently traumatic based on my own experience and the experiences of some folks in our system server:

-(TW: mild NSFW in this one) We had our first consensual sexual experience when we were 19. We didn't have a guy for that. Everything we'd ever experienced throughout our childhood and teen years was not consensual. So when we were having consensual sex with our girlfriend, we were losing our mind because we didn't have this pattern integrated. So we split a guy whose literal only job was "consensual sex" and he was pretty much made to be the "perfect partner" for our girlfriend.

-We have a part whose only job is to play video games. We didn't know why until we realized he was fronting during stressful family gatherings and was playing videogames to pass the time until they were allowed to leave.

-We have a part that split only to handle our irrational fear of getting sick with a deadly illness right around COVID lockdown time.

-We had a part split just to internalize the feeling of "going to hell" due to our religious beliefs at the time.

-We have a lot of parts that split just to hold feelings of anger, sadness, or fear, even in adulthood. This is common in situations where anger or showing emotions was not allowed in childhood, so if the brain decides that's not allowed, when a part gets overly angry they might split a part to hold that anger, which then typically gets buried deep down.

Note about the above example: Trauma therapists often say that anger is one of the last emotions processed when processing traumatic events. Which is why "anger holding alters" are so so so fucking common. Kids and teens and adults get angry and if that's not allowed in some way shape or form, the brain will suppress it. It's also why it's common for people with DID to be able to "turn off" emotions or if triggered, will have a sudden intense burst of emotions (typically anger or frustration) because of how intensely repressed emotions often have to be just to survive living in a toxic environment that would cause something like DID. When you were a kid, you couldn't cry in front of your parents because you would be ridiculed or punished. So you will "turn it off" and go hide to cry later. But if, as an adult, you never let yourself "go cry later," that shit will build up and cause those intense emotional breakdowns, even after something that's considerably smaller scale than what you're used to. Kind of considered the "straw that broke the camel's back." You can be having a shit week with horrible thing after horrible thing and you're doing really well at "shutting it off" especially when around others, because god forbid you let the mask fall, and then suddenly you can't open a cheese stick or you can't find your keys so you might be late, or there's a stain on your shirt right before work, or the entire contents of your bag get dumped onto the floor of your car because you had to brake too hard...and that's when the breakdown happens.

Anyway, to get back on track, there are probably a plethora of other ways a system could split that seem mundane or "not that traumatizing" or alter roles might be super hyper-specific and the reasoning for that is because ✨patterns✨ We love to see it. /sar

Hope this was helpful! If you have further questions, feel free to hit up the ask box or the replies. :)

-Dori🌹

(Again, endos please don't interact, this is not for you. This is for the folks whose DID was caused via childhood trauma. These patterns likely would not exist in someone whose system didn't form from repeated traumas.)

[debonairprincesposts]

“A Night Without You”

Content: Kaeya x Gn! Reader. Written with fem reader in mind. The only gendered term used is “princess”.

Genre(s): Hurt/comfort, Angst(?), Kaeya whump.

Warning(s): Nightmares, (probably) panic attacks, Trouble breathing, etc. First attempt at writing a Kaeya whump. If any of the warnings above trigger you, please don’t read. Proceed with caution.

Summary: Kaeya wakes up in the middle of the night after a nightmare without you for the first time in years.

Words: 1.2k w.

Enjoy (。•̀ᴗ-)✧.

Nightmares weren't new to Kaeya. He was used to dealing with them by himself ever since that particular night. Waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, feeling his heart beating in his throat, his stomach churning with nausea, with panic welling in his chest.

He normally would nurse a glass of cold water into the early hours of the morning to try to calm himself, his mind spiraling, never at ease, not being able to bring himself to go back to sleep. Barely functioning during the day from what little sleep he did get, which wasn't much at all.

But ever since you came into his life, broke down the walls he worked so hard to build around his heart, loved and cared for him with all your being, he realized that the nightmares didn't bother him as much as they did before. Every single time he would get startled out of his sleep in the middle of the night, you would always cradle his face in your palms, dry his tears, stroke his hair with his head on your chest, and whisper sweet nothings into his ear until his heart calmed enough for him to fall back into the deep clutches of slumber.

Kaeya sighed for the nth time that evening as he made his way home. Feeling exhausted from all the extra paperwork Jean forced upon him that afternoon. He couldn't wait to get back home, and fall into your arms as you told him all about your day, the annoying people you had to deal with on an almost daily basis from the adventurers guild, or the pretty calla lilies you would randomly bring back with you because you said they reminded you of him.

Finally arriving in front of his door step, fumbling around with his keys for a bit before he eventually unlocked his door. Kaeya sighed as he entered his home. Closing the door and leaning his back on it as he closed his eyes, and took a deep breath at coming home at last. Opening his eyes, he looked around for any sign of you, but then he remembered, you weren't going to be home tonight because of something that came up with the guild. Right, they're not home, he thought as he kicked off his boots before stepping in, looking at the clock in his living room before sighing again at how late it was, 10:36, the clock read. He was walking towards his bedroom before he glanced at the kitchen for a bit, even though he hadn't had lunch that afternoon, he didn't have an appetite. The thought of food alone was making him nauseous.

He glanced away and continued his way to his bedroom, changing into a more comfortable set of clothes, he took off his eye patch as he made his way to bed. He remembered how you would always gently caress his eye before he would sleep, finding the golden hue of his eye to be the most dazzling shade of gold you've ever seen. Realizing how he was missing you greatly, he clutched your pillow to his chest, shoving his face in it to find comfort in your scent during your absence. This is fine, he thought to himself. I've slept alone before they came along, he closed his eyes as he took a deep breath. How hard can it be, he exhaled the air in his lungs as his eye lids came to a close, your scent lulling him into a deep sleep.

It wasn't until a few hours later that he started to stir in his sleep, hands twitching, breath hitching, sweat layered his forehead, brows furrowed as tears started falling down his cheeks. He jolted out of his sleep with a sob, quickly sitting up as he clutched the part of his shirt where his heart is. Tears were running down his cheeks, eyes wide in a panic as he clawed at his shirt, too tight, he thought with panic coursing through him, too hot, can't breathe! He couldn't find you, you weren't asleep next to him, you weren't present to comfort him, you just weren't there.

Did you leave him? Did you get tired of him and decided to leave without saying goodbye? He couldn't think, he could barely breathe, gasping for air while curling in on himself, he felt like he was going to throw up, not quite possible considering there's nothing in his stomach, he hadn't had dinner, or lunch for that matter. He started to sob, calling out your name as he tried to get his breathing in control, now tightly gripping your pillow to his chest, maybe your scent would calm him down as he sobbed into your pillow.

A few minutes passed as he calmed down a bit, breathing now slightly stable. He recalled his dream, you left. You didn't think he was good enough. Calling him a liar, and a waste of time before packing your bags and leaving, never looking back.

He could barely think about anything, that scene playing on repeat in his head. He wasn't sure if you really left or not. Couldn't tell dream from reality.

As he was questioning basically everything in his life, he spots something in the peripheral of his vision. It was your plushie, the one you would usually cuddle when he wasn't there with you. You left it on the nightstand, claiming that it will watch over him in your place until you got back from your trip. That's right, he released the pillow he was so tightly holding on to in favor of grabbing your blue cat plush. They're just away for a bit, he thought. He remembered when he first saw you with it, you said you'd bought it because it reminded you of him, you even bought a little eyepatch for it to match his. He smiled as he remembered how happy you were when you showed it to him. He remembered how you always greeted him with a smile whenever you caught sight of him during your commissions. He remembered how you'd always hug him tightly and kiss his cheek in greeting every time you'd come across him during the day. He remembered how you would always make sure he had the most warm delicious dinner whenever you made it home before him.

He closed his eyes and remembered every little thing you did for him out of love, without expecting anything in return, like it's second nature for you to just perform acts of service just because. It's just the way you showed your love, doing everything in your power to just make his life even if a little bit easier.

He's so grateful for all you've done for him. Carefully embracing the cat plushie close to his chest, he found solace in the fact that even in your absence, you cared enough about him to make sure that he had something of yours to keep him company.

It never occurred to him before, but after reminiscing about all the time he had with you, he found that he had never loved anyone in his life as much as he loved you. You were the best thing that happened to him. He didn't know what he'd do if you decided to leave. So for now, he would treasure every little moment, whether big or small.

Lying back down, he closed his eyes, hugging the plush, and fell back to sleep to the thought of you. He slept peacefully for the rest of the night. He might be a knight, but you're his princess in dazzling armor.

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[loserlvrss]

꒰ 𝐁𝐀𝐃 𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐀 𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓? ꒱ 古賀祐大

summary : you and your boyfriend broke up on bad terms, however, you can't seem to get over him when it would be so easy to be under him instead

genre : angst, non-idol!k x afab!reader, 1st person pov (yeah idk why either) tws : angst, suggestive content, kissing, alcohol consumption, language, toxic!k, lovesick!reader, jealousy, verbal fight author notes : fuma’s innocent don’t do girl don’t do itttt word count : 2.2k

my phone pinged! and i debated ignoring it — for the nth time in the last hour. the music was blasting, the bass shaking the house in a dub-step rhythm. i took another swig from the metal can that had somehow made it into my hands as another text rang out and caught the attention of the girl attached to my arm. the smooth liquid was the best the bottom-shelf had to offer, and beggars can't be choosers when trying to get drunk fast.

her eyebrows knit, eyes locking on the piece of machinery closest to her sights, then raising to mine.

honestly, right now, i wanted to throw the overly-expensive communication piece at the wall and watch it shatter. i looked to her, the phone, and then the can, taking the rest of it back and crushing it like a frat-boy would.

she huffed out a laugh, "you didn't block him?" but, it wasn't so hard to believe and she knew it just as well as i did.

i still loved him, even after the couple of months we've been broken up; it's not because it was on good terms. actually, it was the complete opposite: we were shit to each other and it was best we went our separate ways. we should, in reality, hate each other. it would only be the natural thing for two people in our situation to do — however, i can't help fighting the urge to reply.

her disappointment was apparent, “y/n, are you kidding me. he’s not even here right now but you can’t stop thinking about him! pick any other guy, i beg.”

my senses were colliding like a car-wreck — leaving my better judgment in the leftover to never be found again. i could see the red and blue and hear the sirens howling out to the moon. still, even under my dying breath, his name would roll off it.

“i-i’m tryi —“

“don’t be ridiculous, i know you well.” she said, fishing the phone that wouldn’t stop buzzing out of my hand. she read out the top text, “y/n, come over. i need to apologize. I need y — he’s drunk. he only ever says shit like this when he’s drunk! you forget he was my friend before he ever dated you. and, god, do i regret introducing you to him.”

my heart sank, a nausea creeping up my throat. he was bleeding me dry, i knew it, but he could have it all; my skin, bones, blood and teeth.

“block his number before you do something we’ll both regret!” she handed it back, “you know i only want what’s best for you — you’re you for fuck sake! you could have anyone, and i mean anyone, yet the only person in your head only texts you at two fucking a.m. you deserve better than him, don’t kid yourself.”

tears pricked my eyes because i knew it was true, but the shooting pain only went away when his hands were on my skin. it was better to stay away, to not take the risk. he should’ve been — should be — the one to get away, and sometimes i also wished she’d never introduced me to the devil under a different name.

“okay,” i sniffled, her palm resting against my cheek comfortingly, “i’ll block him.”

“good.” she unlocked her arm from mine, pushing me forward, “now go find someone better! god knows the bar is low!”

i felt the brush of a body against mine as i found myself smack in the middle of the crowd. my head whipped to the sights of a boy, probably around the same age as me, half-lidded eyes and flushed features. he apologized but, honestly, it was my — her — fault, though he didn’t seem to register that it was anything but an accident, probably too drunk to.

it was an envious state, i thought.

i smiled lightly, her words echoing my mind, “its okay. i’m sorry. my name’s y/n.” his face was soft with godly-defined structure: sharp nose, eyes and plush lips that upturned with a smile resembling mine.

“fuma!” he said, trying to shout over the music. however, something about his tone told me he wasn’t loud, exactly the opposite in fact: gentle, and warm. something my boyfriend — ex — had lacked when we were still together once upon a time. “you’re very, uh, beautiful.”

i laughed at his awkwardness, though i had to read his lips to understand. “thank you,” i replied, pulling him down to my height to hear each other better. my lips brushed against the shell of his ear. “you’re very pretty too.”

he visibly shuddered as i pulled away, furthering my slight sense of pride, mostly because i never had an effect over the only person i wanted to.

he choked out, “d-do you want a drink?” and i nodded, grabbing at his empty hand. the friend i had come with gave me an approving smile and shrugged as if to say the cliché, 'he's cute and you only live once.' he froze, obviously a little shocked by our sudden intimacy, however he brushed it away and led us both to a quieter area; weaving through lip-locked and timely-jumping college students.

i found myself pushing up onto the counter top, watching as he grabbed two beers from an already opened case. they were warm, but again, beggars can’t be choosers when trying to get drunk. he cracked it open and handed it in my direction.

his eyes wouldn’t land on mine, but only stared at the lips that were taking the smooth liquid so easily, watching my throat bob with every gulp. he shifted, leaning against the painted-wood-plastic at my side.

after a moment of deafening silence he asked. “do you go to this school?”

“no.” i replied, letting the can rest against my crossed legs, “i’m here with a friend.”

“a boyfriend?”

the words stung, because no matter the truth, i still wanted to say yes. i still wanted to be able to call the person i loved so deeply my boyfriend — to have him pick me up from this stupid frat-party and not have anyone say anything about it. i still wanted him, and i knew exactly why, though i’d never admit it.

i bit my lip and fuma must’ve, even through his clouded state, read the room. “a sensitive subject, i’m sorry.”

“don’t be sorry, i, uh, don’t have a boyfriend.”

“anymore.” he corrected. maybe it was because he was drunk that his words, even slurred, were so truth-filled it stung. “but i can tell you still want him to be.”

“no,” you paused, both knowing it was a lie, “i want to forget about him. he’s not here.”

“he’s not?”

“i don’t give half-a-fuck where he is in actuality.” you swallowed a bit of your pride, as well as some beer, “if he wanted to, he would. right?”

“right.” he replied, taking another swig.

i looked at him, all of him in disbelief. he knew i was a liar, but at the end of the day he didn’t even know me the way my ex could claim. maybe, i thought, that it was the best possible situation for me to be in. actually, it was the best i could make of this fucked up reality.

my voice lowered ever-so-slightly, “do you want to?”

“be your boyfriend?”

“woah, slow down there cowboy. let’s not go that far right now — we both know i’m not over my ex.”

i couldn’t tell if his face flushed from embarrassment or just the copious amount of alcohol running through his blood. “then, do i want to what?” he breathily-laughed out.

“make me forget?”

my reply almost sounded desperate, and i wondered if that resulted in an inclination to say yes. i wondered if that’s why i was pressed against the countertop i once sat criss-crossed on, lips locked with a stranger.

i felt guilty — a little lost — the sense of feeling so good but so wrong leaking through the thought of him; the man whose hands desperately groped whatever he could find, pressing our bodies so close i was convinced we could merge into one.

a moment ago it was true i wanted him to make me forget about my ex, i wanted him just as bad as he did me. but right now, the flashes of someone else strobed behind my eyelids, projected so nicely that i even wanted to forgive him — for the nth time in the years we spent on and off. i wanted to feel the intimacy of love, even if it was fake, but i couldn't when the only person i felt stockholm syndrome for was across the city.

but, a bus ride at this hour would be easy. it would take barely half and hour before i was underneath the man i wanted so pathetically.

my body shivered, but it wasn’t from the way fuma gripped my skin so gently. i felt a coursing guilt rush over me like a bad high. in reality, i knew i shouldn’t have offered, especially when both him and i were under copious amounts of influence; him worse-off than me. i was taking advantage of a good situation, a seemingly good guy, just to get over a bad for 40 minutes.

maybe i was just crazy — not crazily in love — but just plain fucking crazy. crazy for a man who wasn't mine anymore. crazy because i knew i shouldn't want him. crazy because i knew i was just losing a part of me that should've been lost a long time ago. crazy at the thought of being crazy.

"y/n" god, now i could ever swear i was hearing voices — his voice. well, that was until a hand grabbed my bicep, pulling me away from the tall man. "y/n, what the fuck are you doing?"

i didn't even get a chance to swing around fully before i was being pulled from the kitchen and out of the house entirely. the air was frosty, but honestly i couldn't be bothered to even feel cold; too annoyed to think of anything but the man who was still latched to my arm. eventually, i got fed up, after feeling copious amounts of despair fill my chest, pulling my limb from him.

he turned around calmly, despite the red i could see seeping behind his pupils. he tried to grab my hand this time, but i back away before he had the chance.

"don't — don't touch me, k." i crossed my chilled arms over my chest, one foot back and prepared to step again, "what are you doing here?"

"you weren't answering."

i scoffed, "i never answer, k. that's nothing new."

he didn't hesitate, and it was a little shocking, "your location is still on."

"that doesn't give you th-the right to just show up out of the blue!"

and despite being mad at him, he looked so damn cute with a pout on his face. i could tell he was somewhat drunk, a pink tinting his features i used to adore oh-so-much.

"but, you weren't answe —"

you yelled, "why would i answer you, k!" i couldn't understand his infatuation with the fact that i didn't answer his late-night texts, but maybe he was just as lovesick as i felt. "wh-why would i do that after all this time?"

was he just as damaged as i was? did he really still front like he cared, and was i still falling for it over and over again? it's said that to forgive takes strength, but right now i think that holding back is taking more out of me. he had my heart in his hands still, and despite dropping it countless times, he always knew when and where to pick it back up.

i wasn't sure if i loved him, but i'm just as unsure about not being in love with him. he's driving me to brink of insanity. he's gotten everything out of me, and it's taking everything in me to not muster up more.

if i had known that love would've had such a high price tag, would i still have felt the same way towards him? maybe the good could out-weigh this bad, but i was never one to wishful think before meeting his stupid-pretty eyes. i was never one to feel so unsure before having his stupid-hot skin on mine. i was never one to wear my heart on sleeve before he oh-so-gently pulled it out of me.

and maybe he was unsure too. maybe he didn't know why i wouldn't — couldn't — answer his messages. maybe he was one to think so highly of himself that s breaking up was just a suggestion.

did i love him enough to give him a fourth, fifth and sixth chance? yes. i loved him enough to forgive and forget after every little mistake, and that's what's eating at my brain. the hardest thing I've ever had to do was walk away while still loving him. so, why doesn't it feel like it's for the better? why doesn't his memory fade like its supposed to.

"admit that you only came to see if i was with someone else." i sighed, tears blurring over his frame, "admit that it was because you were blinded by jealousy. admit that you still want me, that you can't get over us as easily as i thought. admit that you still lo —"

"i love you, y/n."

reblogs, likes and comments are greatly appreciated! thank u!

[spacecowboyhotch]

The Lion (and the Lamb)

gif credits @designforliving

summary: he’ll do right by you, on his own terms, no matter what.

pairing: fem!reader x santi ‘pope’ garcia

contents: illusions to sex but no smut, alcohol mention, kissing, sickness & flu symptoms, medication & food mention, some tears, nonsexual nudity, all in all tooth-rotting fluff, santi being a major simp

AN: just something sweet until my series for him is done!

word count: 1.6k

oscar characters masterlist | requests are closed until nov. 1st

Santi never allowed himself to love as openly and deeply before he met you.

He claims it’s because it wasn’t supposed to happen until you, that no one he’s ever met is like you. Before this, he never felt safe enough, loved enough, or strong enough to be so unapologetic about his feelings. No matter how many missions went successfully, how many takedowns or hit targets, nothing’s made him feel as secure as the love for him that glitters in your eyes. You render all of his training useless— the sight of you makes his knees go weak and his heart flutter like a lovesick teenager.

You turn Santi to mush from the moment he sees you. All that logic goes out the window when Will and Benny introduce you to him. He’s used to thinking with his dick and his brain respectively, never his heart. When he meets a woman he turns the charm up to the nth degree, flashes that perfect smile of his while he trails his eyes over every curve of her body.

But when your hand slips into his, soft and warm, your smile brighter than the sun, he can hardly think. You murmur your name to him gently, and give his hand a firm shake. Will and Benny introduce him as Pope, along with another friend named Frankie.

His heart beats fast in his chest, his mouth cottony as he forms his reply, “Santiago. Or Santi.”

“Pleasure to meet you, Santiago,” Your mouth caresses his name in a way that makes his hands tremble, and do you notice. You make a note to yourself to always call him that.

That night you make him dance. Not his usual completely uninvested sidestep, the known ritual before he takes a woman home to the real show. He’s wrapped around your finger, literally and figuratively, his body tight and hot against yours on the crowded dance floor. You’ve got your hands fisted in his greying curls, his hips follow yours, mirroring your every move. When you look up at him his eyes are glazed over, completely absorbed in you. He would lay the world at your feet right now, and plans on doing so for as long as you’ll let him.

The moment you lean in and kiss him he’s woefully unprepared, frozen into place as you patiently coax his mouth open. He feels like a fucking idiot— you’re kissing him and he’s just standing here, his eyes wide like a deer in headlights as you open him up. Then you slip your tongue into his mouth and switch flips in his brain. He’s kissing you back, messy and wet, his hands finding your hip and the nape of your neck to pull you closer.

Benny, Will, and Frankie stand on the sidelines, all too entertained with the sight of Pope like this to look for dance partners of their own. Nursing beers and talking crap, taking in every detail so they know every little way to give Santi shit at a later date. And while they all know they’ll joke around, there’s an unspoken feeling that spreads around the table— it’s good to see him like this. Carefree, relaxed, not haunted by all the shit they’ve seen and done. Momentarily free of the guilt and grief. But they focus on the lighter things, a crowded bar isn’t the place to begin unpacking their baggage.

Frankie leans in closer to Benny and Will, shouting over the bass music that thrums through the foundation of the bar, “Where the hell did you meet her?”

“Family friend!” Will calls back, though his eyes don’t leave the two of you on the dance floor.

“She’s got him in a puddle,” Frankie nudges Benny with his shoulder, grinning when he sees that the man is pouting. “And neither of you tried?”

“I did,” Benny replies begrudgingly, “but apparently I’m not enough to handle.”

Frankie and Will try to hold in their laughs, the first man masking his with a cough. Benny throws him a glare, pushing him on the chest.

“You’re plenty to handle in your own way, Benny,” Will assured him.

“She tamed the lion,” Frankie’s in awe of you, his eyes drifting back to where you and Santi are glued together.

You lean to get close enough to whisper in his ear, “Do you…wanna come back to my place?”

A chill runs through him at the unspoken promise your question holds. He shifts, and gets his lips close enough to whisper back not wanting to burst your bubble, “Is that what you want?”

“Mhmm.”

“Whatever you want is what I want,” He murmurs softly, a hint of wonder in his voice.

That’s how the beginning of your relationship unfolds— how Santi ends up being needed in a way he’s never been before. And even though he has no experience in being the perfect partner, in being a partner at all, he’s nothing if not competent, striving to be everything you could need and more. Disappointing you isn’t an option. Being the second best at loving you isn’t an option. He’ll do right by you, on his own terms, at any cost. Even his love for you has a code of ethics he’s created.

It’s that principle that lands you in his lap months later when you’re stuck in bed with the flu.

“You’re going to get sick, Santiago,” You try to lean away when he dips his head for a kiss, but he gets his hand around the base of your throat, and holds you firm while he licks into your mouth. If you weren’t sick this would be ending a hell of a lot differently.

He pulls away, giving you his usual smirk, “I have the immune system of a thousand men. I’m only worried about you.”

“I’m already sick, there’s nothing you can do.”

He looks a little offended by your words, and while you know he hates being told he can’t do things you didn’t know it would apply to this, “There’s plenty I can do, starting with warming you up, you’re fucking freezing cariño.” His arms tighten around you, pulling you flush to his chest.

It’s days of that, bundling up together because your skin is cold as ice, just to wake up hours later hot as a furnace. Santi doesn’t complain once, just unwraps the both of you, and puts an ice pack on your forehead to cool you down. He creates a regime for you, and no matter how tired you are or how much you want to sleep he makes you stick to it. He’s gone over the labels on all the medication, knows which ones you can mix and which ones you have to take in the morning or at night. He plies you with various types of tea, some for congestion, some for aches and pains, others just because he’ll know you’ll like the taste and you need to stay hydrated. His fingers burn as he grips the bowl he feeds you soup from.

While he’s optimistic, your symptoms start to weigh on your mental state, and when he comes back with your tea and soup one afternoon he finds you curled up in bed, a crying heap. He sets the tray he’s carrying down on your dresser before crossing the room and getting in bed with you. He gets his hands on either side of your head and starts kissing away the tears that are streaming down your face. It's unbearable, seeing you like this.

“Hush, baby, it's okay. You’re okay. Hey, you’re my strong girl right?”

You sniffle, wiping your nose haphazardly with a nod, “Yes, but I’m tired, Santiago.”

He rests his forehead against yours, “I know, baby, but you should take a turn for the better in a few days. I called the doctor and she said you're almost there.”

“I want to be there now,” You almost whine, and he nods against you, gives you another encouraging kiss.

“Soon, cariño, I promise. Are you hungry?” You shake your head. He tries again, “Thirsty?”

Another negative.

“How about a bath, does that sound nice?”

“That sounds amazing,” You flash him a smile he hasn’t seen in days.

He pulls away and looks into your eyes, gauging if it’s alright to leave you alone. And though your face is tear stained, your eyes look lighter and softer than they did when he’d returned to you. You bump your nose against his, murmuring that you’re fine and it’s okay. It takes him no time to get the bath full of piping hot water, just how the two of you prefer. The water’s soaping and fragrant, the perfect mix of lavender and vanilla.

When he comes back to get you, he’s just in his boxers. You try to protest when he goes to scoop you up, knowing that this isn’t good for his knees or his back, but he shushes you, and carries you to the bath with what seems like little effort. Clothing is on the floor in just seconds, and you aren’t sure how, but he lowers you both into the bath no problem, not even a splash or wave in the water.

The warmth of the water soothes your sore muscles immediately, and you even get hints of the aromatic oil through your congested sinuses. A relieved sign stirs in your chest, you feel the best you have in days, though the sickness is still definitely with you.

“Comfortable?” He asks softly, his hands kneading the flesh of your neck.

“Yeah, nice and warm,” You hum in response, sinking further into the water as your eyes flutter shut.

“I love you baby, get some rest.”

“I love you, Santiago,” You murmur sleepily, leaning your head back against his chest.

There’s nothing like the sound of his name in your mouth, it’s a comfort he’ll always covet. As he holds you close he sinks into the unfamiliar feeling of being home, one he only gets with you.

if you’d like to be on my santi taglist let me know!

santi taglist: @hotchaways, @honeybrowne, @jitterbugs927, @theconsultingdoctor10, @awesomemikaus, @tanzthompson, @siezethenights, @clairevoyanceee, @moonmalice, @tiffanypooh, @dearvirtualdiary, @marc-spectorr, @xbellaxcarolinax, @toracainz, @roseqzpd, @rosecentaur1916, @mccn-bcys, @hotchs-bitch

[more-than-tender-curiosity]

YOU ALSO HAVE A VAMPIRE GATSBY AU??? dhbdjdd whats goin on in yours? you tagged my post saying it way different so if you dont mind sharin, im curious!

oh man so it's literally. nth in line. in terms of my to-be-written queue. but! basically it would take place in a version of the world where vampires and humans coexist, but vampires are largely kept hush-hush due to the massive clans of hunters around (significant of 'old money'). jay is a recently turned vampire, as in wolfshiem turned him in 1919. I've talked about it before somewhere but jay being a vampire...the concept of being permanently stuck...is just so him. and it lends well to the concept of these parties being the only way he can get daisy to come to him. it's not like he can go out during the day, right? and these parties provide a constant stream of people to feed off of, but of course, as in the book, he's very generous with those he feeds from—they don't remember it, of course, but when someone says "I tore my dress last time I was here and he sent me a new one worth 200 dollars to replace it"...even if she doesn't remember it, WE know he took a lil sip and was paying her back. he's not an animal after all. beyond that, daisy's family is full of hunters. some of the best. doesn't matter. jay wants daisy, and only daisy, not just because he loved her before he turned and she's one of the few strong memories of his human life, but because there's a chance that her bloodline is something of an undo button for vampirism. that's why they became hunters so far back, of course; vampires were always after them, trying to get their blood to 'cure' themselves. definitely not an allegory for jay trying to use daisy to 'cure' any other forms of his 'otherness'. nope. none of that here....................akdjflajdflakjd but obviously he's after daisy because once he has her, he can drink from her, cure himself, and they'll live happily ever after!! right!!! until!!! oh no!!!! her cousin shows up!!!! you know,,,, her cousin,,,, with the same fix-it genome ?????? whoopsie daisy.

it's not super fleshed out but it's definitely a Jay Lives au, mostly because wilson didn't know to use a silver bullet. nick would ideally find jay there bloodless and burning as the sun rises and try to give him some of his blood and...............ope. well :) you'll just have to find out what happens after that.

unfortunately. i am. 150k deep in Gatsby and 36k deep in RIght on TIme and. well. i cant handle another wip. alkdjfaldjf

[maniacwatchestheworld]

About Metahuman Bigotry in the DC Universe

So as I keep browsing things within the DPxDC space, I continue to find it... Off... How people portray bigotry against metahumans within the DC universe. Because like... No. The Justice League would not see ghosts as so much of a threat that they would try to hunt down and exterminate them. They would not discriminate against Danny for being half ghost and deny him entry into the Justice League on those grounds alone. And I think that a lot of this is just kinda a misunderstanding of how bigotry against metahumans is typically portrayed within the DC universe.

As always, what I am about to discuss is highly subjective and is purely based around my own understanding from what DC media I have been consuming within the past year or so of being in this fandom space and my own experiences within minority communities. I have no doubts that media offering examples of the contrary exist out there, and I could easily be missing something HUGE from past comic runs. I'm not an expert, but these are some general trends that I myself have noticed. Proceed under the cut for more discussion. (This post got LONG very quickly!) And of course, trigger/content warning for discussions of bigotry of all kinds under the cut. (Not a lot of specifics are mentioned, but it's still worth saying.)

(Also as a brief aside, I am a person of color (mostly a Filipino/Caucasian (Irish/Scottish) mix), I am asexual (panromantic) and nonbinary, and am neurodivergent, but also come from a privileged middle class background and am often white-passing, so I do very much have my own blind spots and personal biases when discussing this kind of stuff. In any case, here we gooooo!)

Now, first off, what do I mean by metahuman? I know that there is a specific metahuman condition within the DC universe that has to do with Nth metal and genes or something, but that's not what I'm using it for here in this context. Because truth be told, within my last year of gorging myself on DC comics and related media, I have barely heard that term used at all. And where I have heard it used, it is not in that context! "Metahuman" as a descriptor in my experience is more generally used to refer to anyone who is basically a person, but isn't necessarily a human or humans with powers and abilities that are beyond what a typical person may have that can change their appearance or biology to be non-human within the DC universe. Big example? Superman. If you do an image search of "metahuman dc" on Google or anything like that, what will likely come up is a bunch of images of Superman first and foremost! Superman is strictly speaking, not a human being. Because he is a Kryptonian. But for all intents and purposes, he is a person and ought to be treated as a human. Hence, metahuman. He is human in a more overarchingly general or meta sense than as a biological fact. So aliens like Superman, Starfire, or Martian Manhunter? Metahumans. People with supernatural conditions that can make them look or biologically be non-human like Poison Ivy, Killer Croc, Beast Boy, Ebon, or Plastic Man? Metahumans. Species born on Earth with intelligence and abilities comparable to humans like King Shark, Aquaman, Gorilla Grodd, or Red Tornado? Metahumans. Demons, gods, Amazonians, Antlanteans, aliens, androids, science experiments gone wrong, bang babies, people born with strange abilities, and yes. Even ghosts and half-ghosts would all be counted under the umbrella term of "metahuman"! So very VERY clearly the Justice League wouldn't discriminate against ghosts... NOT WHEN THEY ACTUALLY HAVE GHOSTS LIKE BOSTON BRAND ON THEIR TEAM! And not when the majority of the Justice League consists of people that could fall under the metahuman umbrella!

So with that out of the way, let's get to the actual bigotry!

Now I assume that a lot of how people think about metahumans and how bigotry against them would manifest in a universe like DC's comes from pieces of media like what is seen in the X-Men movies or Captain America: Civil War aka Marvel properties. Mobs of people protesting the existence of metahumans, trying to legislate them. Open, outright, hostile bigotry where people speculate on whether certain groups of people ought to be allowed to live or not. Metahuman characters within the Marvel Universe (like the X-Men specifically) have to face the very real threat of genocide from a world that looks at them with disdain and wants them gone. It's a very real, very pressing issue that does face many people in real life today! Their metahumans are often a metaphor for oppressed minorities. Which is a great way to get people within the hegemony to understand and sympathize with people who exist outside of it and it is wonderful for people within minority groups to see these fictional groups that are facing the same issues as them to be able to fight against, and win in their battles against bigotry!

But this isn't really how DC does things. Because when DC decides to tackle subjects of bigotry, they do not tend to shroud their meaning under the veil of metaphor. They just deal with it outright. When DC wants to talk about white supremacy and why it's terrible, they have Superman battle against the Ku Klux Klan. When they want to show the unfair treatment of black people within our society, they retcon the way that the Big Bang happened and how Static got his powers for it to have been because of police brutality against protestors during a Black Rights Matter protest! There was recently a book in which the Alan Scott Green Lantern went to get and saw firsthand the horrors of conversion therapy. When they want to show how shitty people can be towards trans people, Xanthe visits their parents who deadname and do not respect their pronouns (while Constantine does)! Superhuman abilities and powers are not a metaphor for being a downtrodden minority within the DC universe. These characters are just often and outright already a part of these minority communities! Being a metahuman is just another layer of bullshit that they have to deal with on top of that! And that's intersectionality right there baybee! A character's metahumaness can bleed into how they perceive their race or gender or disability or other status and vice versa! Characters still very much face bigotry and live in an unequal society that may seek to eliminate them within the DC universe. But they are just not necessarily being targeted for their metahumaness specifically.

Of course bigotry still exists in the DC universe, but bigotry against metahumans specifically tends to happen on a different scale than in Marvel. People don't tend to go out en masse and protest Superman's existence, telling him to go home. People generally like Superman being in Metropolis and understand that his home planet was destroyed and that he's a refugee living here on Earth... But there are still people out there who don't think that Superman can be trusted because he's an alien. There are people who think that his kindness is just a front and that he is just the first arrival to prepare the Earth for "his kind" to invade Earth. There are people who would find the idea of him falling in love with and having children with a human being to be absolutely abhorrent! But those people would never say those things about such a kind and friendly Kansas boy like Clark Kent! DC tends to deal with more of the little bigotries that society deems "acceptable," whether they intend to or not. People aren't calling for the genocide of Atlantis or Themyscira... But men will force their way onto Themyscira when they are strictly not allowed, or assume that everyone there MUST be a lesbian, or desperate for some action from a man! People who know about another person's metahumaness will often make assumptions based off of them. No, Gorilla Grodd does not want a banana since you're being an asshole about it and treating him like a mere animal, and no, Manbat does not drink blood- his species is a fruit bat and not a vampire bat, but he would prefer a sandwich regardless to be honest. Also, please stop screaming. He may be a giant bat, but he's actually here to help. Some people can go through most of their lives being seen as entirely "normal" and pass others by invisibly as a metahuman. But others are not so lucky and have a condition that makes people run the moment others see them. Robin, Raven, and Terra could go out and get some pizza without anyone batting an eye. But if Cyborg, Beast Boy, and Starfire did the same thing, people might stare and keep their distance. Clayface can choose to look like an ordinary human to go on a date or go Christmas shopping, but if Killer Croc tried to do the same thing, people would notice, scream and run. But just because Clayface can look human, that doesn't mean that his condition can't be debilitating, or that he is able to find stable employment. People with metahuman abilities face problems because of their abilities and appearances. And these problems can lead to escalation, thus trapping said metahumans in a cycle of pain, not brought on by themselves, but rather by how people choose to discriminate against them. Ritchie and Static may still be able to go to school and pretend to be normal kids, no one being the wiser, but Ebon and Talon? Would people really feel comfortable with them attending classes with how they look and their abilities? They are young. They are poor. They have no support. Who would want to hire them for a job when they look like... THAT!? And so they live on the fringes where people won't bother them. But they still need to eat and dress themselves. So they steal what they need to survive. They now have criminal records. And since they are metahumans, they're dangerous, right? So when the police hunt after them, they shoot to kill. And so they need to avoid the police as much as possible and therefore have to keep moving, hiding, and stealing just to survive. They have no stability. And so they can't improve their lives. They are caught in this cycle and can't escape. And even if they could try to hide what they are to "pass" in "normal" society... Why should they have to? It's not their fault that they ended up like this. This is just part of who they are now.

These are systemic issues. Microaggressions and discrimination based around ignorance and fear alike. Sure, a lot of these bits of discrimination are not as obvious or loud as genocide, but they are no less real, and they come with their own host of harmful behaviors. DC doesn't usually tend to handle the big bigotries with their metahumans in the ways that are as loud as with how Marvel handles them. Because you know what? There is enough of that in the real world based around real minorities and real people. They don't have to make up fictional movements against fictional bigotries for fictional people when there are real issues to be tackled and discussed! Why make up something fictional for these characters to have to face discrimination against when you can just make those characters be members of groups that are ACTUALLY being discriminated against right now in our real world!??? That doesn't mean that bigotry against metahumans isn't a thing in DC, but rather that the bigotries that metahumans face in their universe are the exact same as the bigotries that real people face in the real world. People being judged for how they look. People being judged for who they love. People being judged for how their anatomy works. People being judged for the accommodations they need. It's all the same. The prejudice faced by metahumans is the same racism, sexism, ableism, homophobia, classism, and all the other little prejudices that real people face in real life, but with a bit of a fantastical flair! They are interconnected, just as these problems are interconnected in real life! And not until all of these groups work together to solve all of their collective problems and make life better for everyone because all of these problems overlap, can they all be free!

Neither of these ways of portraying bigotry is inherently better than the other. Both have their strengths, both have their place, and both are needed by different sorts of people! But what fits in the Marvel Universe feels off when seen in the DC Universe and vice versa. So seeing the Marvel-esque in your face, life or death bigotry against matahumans in what is supposed to be the DC universe just feels... Off.

Something very important to keep in mind when thinking about how things within the DC Universe operate relative to the Marvel Universe is this. The Marvel Universe tries to be Inspirational, and the DC Universe tries to be Aspirational. Both have their uses and place, and both can be very good, but for very different reasons! Just look at the biggest heroes within each company. Spiderman is supposed to be like you. And with enough intelligence, guile, hard work, and a bit of good luck, you can become someone like Spiderman. A hero. Marvel is good at creating heroes like you and showing you how you can be better and help out the lives of everyone around you. DC prefers to do something else. You probably weren't born as a multi-billionaire, nor will you likely be adopted by one. You are probably not an alien refugee from an exploded planet or raised on an island in a female only society and are a nigh immortal demi-goddess made out of clay. You aren't supposed to relate to these characters one to one. But DC likes to take these extraordinary people and show those people choosing to use their extraordinary abilities for good and to help others. It takes these incredible beings and tries to show us how, for all of their differences to us, they are still people who struggle and also love and care just as much as any of us. DC's universe is largely inhabited by larger than life people for you to aspire to be like, and shows them choosing to be good. They are characters for you to look up to, and if you were to be in a position like them where you had the ability and power to help... Wouldn't you want to be like them...? And I think that the worlds that these stories take place in reflect that. If you are someone who has seen people protest your existence and attack you just for being alive, then you will probably see yourself in the X-Men, and seeing them rise above it and prove those people wrong is going to be very inspiring! But there is also the need to see a world where that kind of bigotry is rare and unusual. It's good to sometimes see a world where stuff like that largely doesn't happen because people have collectively decided to be better for the sake of everyone! But just because the outright and obvious bigotry doesn't usually happen in this ideal world, that doesn't mean that bigotry is gone entirely either. But it is a better world than the one we have now and something to aspire to. I don't doubt that DC has stories which really tackle the big bigotries like that of which Marvel's mutants so often have to face. And I don't doubt that Marvel's characters have to face the interconnected little bigotries that DC characters sometimes have to face. But one thing that's nice about reading DC stories is just... Because they examine the smaller problems... We also get to see the small victories as well! We have yet to defeat the forces that lead to genocide of the oppressed. But when we don't wallow in that, we get to see what kind of world we might have without that. And in that world. It's okay to just be who you are, and to be just... Happy! Victor Stone is disabled and black and is able to grow up. Alan Scott is gay and survived conversion therapy and is able to grow old. Harley Quinn is able to escape her abusive situation, get into a more healthy place for her mentally, and find genuine, mutual love with Poison Ivy. Yes, people still have their biases and bigotries. Yes, problems still happen. But problems can be overcome. And in spite of these problems, you can still live and be happy. And the DC universe is one in which no matter what you are, you can be happy for who you are without compromises. The DC Universe is one that celebrates our differences in all of our myriad, uncategorical, and incalculable ways!

And so in these stories that are obstensively supposed to be in the DC universe, when people react to Danny being half ghost and it's met with disgust, derision, and fear by everyone including the Justice League...? When that's not what the story is about or criticizing or commenting on, but is rather done as a matter of course...? It just feels... Off. It feels wrong. For the Batfamily to look at Danny turn into a ghost with confusion or assurances that this isn't possible in the way Danny says it does, it's just odd. It feels off in a similar way as Batman making a joke about dead babies. Is it something that he could do and might have done in the past at some point? Sure. But that's not what Batman and his family should be! Because they SHOULD be reacting to Danny being half ghost with curiosity, excitement, acceptance, and assertions that they KNEW IT! And the Justice League shouldn't automatically see this new population of ghosts as invaders that need to be destroyed, but rather as a people who need to be understood. Sure, if they are looking to invade, that's one thing, but very few ghosts would be looking to do that. They are just more refugees looking to make a life on Earth. They are more possible friends and allies that might fight with them in their quest to protect everyone! And hey! If nothing else, they're more people for Boston Brand to be able to talk to and hang out with! The DC universe celebrates diversity! And this includes in terms of powers and abilities! The DC universe largely does not humor ideas of metahuman genocide on Earth because there is enough of that in the real world. And so they would not do that in a DPxDC universe either. At least I don't think that they would. But that's just my view on this subject and these ideas. I have no doubts that works saying the contrary are out there. You can certainly still play with these ideas in your works. But I want to see more diversity of ideas and more loving acceptance of ghosts and half-ghosts in these works too! Because that feels so much more DC!

[shina913]

The Boyfriend Experience | JJK

The Boyfriend Experience: Jungkook

The BFE: Masterlist

Pairing: Escort!Jungkook x Fem!Reader

Rating: M

Genre: Fake!dating; fluff; light angst; SFW (generally)

Warnings: Sexually suggestive conversations and tones; cussing; alcohol consumption; boyfriend-for-hire; some kissing; JK is very touchy here

Word count: 9,355 words

Summary: 💬 He’s a confident man who takes pride in his appearance, but also in how he treats other people. He loves to have a good time, but still holds strong values on being respectful and well-mannered. Chivalry is not dead! 

A/N: Ackk--okay so...I didn't mean for this to be super long but it just worked out that way! I really wanted a sweet, encouraging, JJK story. I'm also projecting a bit because...I'm a little frustrated at my job. Anyway, I hope you'll like it. It's smut-free but I hope you'll still find it endearing?😬 I do love how the boys are encouraging to fans, especially on their social media posts and such so I wanted to highlight that a bit here. I still added hints of thirst...because I'm me. 🤷‍♀️

A/N2: Thank you to my sis @internetjunkdrawer for beta'ing and being so supportive even as I kept switching up this story for the Nth time.

A/N3: If you want to read about JK and all of his sexy glory, there's always Coquet 😘

A/N4: LMK if you catch a couple of easter eggs here!

‼️IMPORTANT: Although the narration will include Jungkook's name, OC/Reader will not address him as so because she booked him under an assumed alias. Weird, I know but--let's just go with it 😉

You were proud to be a self-made woman. You had a steady corporate job, an actual retirement fund, and a decent apartment with a bedroom and a kitchen. You didn’t have any responsibilities other than your bills and yourself. 

Things could always be worse, you thought. On the other hand, things could be better.

You valued your independence. You wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. But you couldn’t deny that you had some days when you would feel pressure to lock things down with a partner or significant other.

The company you worked at was not only headed by predominantly male staff but the two women who were in upper management positions were married and had children.

Although you had a great track record, you’ve been stuck in the highest mid-level position for a few years. Recently, you’ve helped bring in new contracts, additional revenue; not to mention that all of those clients raved about you.

You’ve worked very hard and were fully expecting a promotion before the end of the year. You knew it had to be in the bag!

Today, you had a scheduled lunch date with your former coworker, Miri Jang, whom you haven’t seen since she left the company. You talked about coming so close to making it to senior account manager in the last couple years but for some reason, kept falling short.

“I think it’s my time, Miri. It should be,” you remarked.

“Not to burst your bubble, YN but don’t hold your breath,” Miri responded cynically.

You laughed. “Are you kidding me? I had the best performance this last quarter and the one before that! I could totally represent the company in front of big-name clients!”

She gave you a deadpan look. “To be the face of the company, you have to be relatable.”

Your eyebrows creased in confusion. “What the fuck does that mean?”

Miri inhaled sharply. “I was told once, ‘We need to foster a warm, welcoming environment to attract more lucrative clients to partner with’.”

“My clients like me just fine,” you retorted. “I haven’t heard otherwise!”

“Riiight…But at the end of the day, it’s a…” she gestured air-quotations with her hands, “‘Family-run company’, YN. They think that single employees are more likely to switch jobs more frequently because they see them as people who don’t believe in long-term commitments. But if you had a family? There’s a bit more incentive there,” she explains.

Much to your own family’s chagrin, you were unapologetically single. They think that if you aren't well on your way to being a wife or a mother by a specific age, there must be something wrong with you. And if you aren't looking for a partner, your parents would take matters into their own hands and arrange one for you.

You’re beautiful, smart, and have a great personality so…why aren’t you married or in a committed relationship?

Your biological clock is ticking!

It all gets very old and stale after some time.

You give her a quizzical look then shake your head in denial. “That doesn’t seem to add up.” You were unconvinced that your singlehood was an obstacle. If anything, you have more leeway to put in time and effort since you don’t have any other commitments other than your job!

“So you’re telling me that I need to be married or have children to secure this promotion?” You were incredulous. 

Your former colleague threw her head back in laughter. “Of course not! At least, they can’t legally ask you to do that. They’re simply saying that being in a committed relationship or having a family helps with relatability,” she leered.

Come to think of it, most people from your cohort who were recently promoted were married and/or had children. Still–that can’t be legal, could it?

“If you ever want to take your talents elsewhere, my company has openings. We can definitely use someone like you on our team. Child-bearing hips not required,” she smiled and winked at you.

You went back to your office after that lunch date with your ego slightly deflated.

So you needed somebody in your life…to show that you were committed to your job? It sounded like bullshit and a small part of you wanted to prove Miri wrong.

The company’s year-end celebration was coming up. You initially planned on going alone, per usual. But with your recent discovery, you now needed a contingency plan. This event not only invited existing clients but it was also a huge networking opportunity.

It wasn’t like you didn’t try to bring a date to any of these company events. It’s just that there weren’t any good candidates for you. You weren’t dating anyone seriously–at least, not serious enough to bring them to company or family functions.

The only friends that you have were either unavailable or uninterested in accompanying you to the year-end party.

Until…you had a stroke of genius: hire someone to pose as your significant other for the evening.

Sure, you could have gone on dating apps or picked someone up at a bar–but those options might prove to be too complicated. If you were going to take a risk, you’d rather it be a calculated one.

******

“Do we have to have sex?” You ask Jungkook point-blank. He is an escort…and while that was usually on the table, it wasn’t what you were hiring him for.

“No.” He says simply. “This is why we have conversations like this. We need to come to an agreement about what you need or what you want.” He paused to regard you intently. He narrowed his eyes slightly, zeroing in on you. With one look, he escalated the temperature from warm to white-hot…just like that.

Geez, YN. Control yourself. Focus!

Downloading the app and creating your profile was easy. But getting your foot in the door–that was a whole other story. You had to sign an NDA before you could even gain access to this backroom speakeasy.

It was an exclusive club. One where you needed to be referred to by a current member. You got the idea from one of your high-value clients–with lots of disposable income and a frequent patron.

But even with the referral, not everyone is accepted that easily. You’d have to pass a background check and a health check, for your safety and the escorts’.

And my god! Once you were in, it was like being in a candy store. You could browse the app and explore escort profiles–which are recommended by compatibility based on your preliminary intake. Each profile had a photo and contained brief bios, personal interests, and ‘specialties’. It made you slightly uneasy, but this was better than getting a friend to do this for you. At least these guys were professionals.

On the app, you can schedule a ‘mini-date’ with an escort of your choosing. You would meet them at the secret club room–which was housed in the back of a high-end restaurant. Very unassuming, you thought, but it was an ingenious cover story.

This backroom had mood lighting illuminating the space. It was darker, quieter, more intimate. Each escort was on a mini-date, which was mostly one-on-one. You spotted a woman talking to two males. Either she was being greedy or she was having trouble deciding.

One of them looked sweet–he was touchy but not in a creepy way. He had a cute crinkle in his eye whenever he smiled. The other was soft-spoken but had a look so intense that you could swear it made any woman’s panties drop upon eye contact. 

You could see her dilemma—they both looked very desirable. But poly-dates were not allowed in this club. To get the most out of your experience, you can only book one. That was a shame.

But it didn’t really matter since you were completely happy with your choice. 

His photo and profile intrigued you. Of course, that wasn’t his real name. None of them used their real names–which was fine. Unfortunately, you had to use your real name since you’d have to take him out in public.

Unlike those dating apps you’ve perused a while back, the photos on this app were as close as you could get to the real thing. They were meant to whet your appetite–which was a great marketing tool because you certainly bought it. And now here he was…in the flesh. He seriously looked Photoshopped. How was that possible?

And he smelled like heaven. No, not one of those annoying woodsy-floral notes that seems to be popular amongst the smarmy senior account managers at your office. His scent was warm and spicy with subtle hints of citrus. It was more intoxicating than the glass of prosecco that you had in front of you.

You rubbed your already-crimson earlobe then cleared your throat to compose yourself again.

“Uhm, so, I guess you’ve read my profile on the app and my comments about what I need out of this experience?”

He hummed in agreement. “Yes, I read your notes.”

“Okay, great! In so many words, I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend for a work function,” you stated.

“Sounds simple enough–”

“I’m not done,” you respond curtly, making his eyebrows lift in surprise.

You softened the edge in your voice. “I apologize. I’m just a little tense, that’s all. I just…really need my plan to work and–”

“Hey, that’s what I’m here for.” Something about the look in his eyes offered assurance and it placated you.“I’m here to help you. And I apologize for interrupting you as well. Please, continue,” he urges.

“I’m trying to get in good with the senior partners at my firm. I’m done waiting for this promotion that should have already happened last year. Which is why…I’m taking matters into my own hands.” You couldn’t hide the bitterness in your tone. 

“All of my bosses and some well-known associates will be at this party, along with their significant others. If I have to play their game, I’m going to need some backup.”

“Who are we trying to impress here, exactly?” He sounds genuinely curious. “I need to know who’s going to be in the room; how old they would be or gender ratio…”

“It’s…primarily men. The goal is to land a huge account that evening. If I can do that, it should show them that I deserve to be within their ranks. Our CEO will be there too, so if I can impress him–even better!”

Both his eyebrows flick up. “Okay. So, how do you see my role in this?”

You exhaled sharply. “I need to prove to my bosses that I am capable of commitment whether it’s with my job…or my personal life.”

If being single is seen as flaky or untrustworthy in your company, you want to prove them wrong. You could show them that you can be in a committed relationship. At least, until you’ve secured this promotion.

He stared at you for a few seconds to make sure that you were done talking before he responded. “Alright.”

Your face twitches slightly. “‘Alright?’ Simple as that?” You’re not sure why you were led to believe that this was going to be a more complex process given the vetting process you had to through just to secure this membership.

He lifted a shoulder. “Yeah. Just tell me when, where, and what talking points I need to look into so that I can do some research, if I need to.“

Talking points? Research?

He sounded thorough and really wanted to make a good impression to sell this story. 

You give him a rundown of some interests that your senior staff had. Your CEO had a penchant for wine and recently invested in a small vineyard in Napa Valley. It was all he could talk about in the last few months. About midway through, Jungkook asks one of the servers for a pen and paper, continuing to take notes about the ‘job.’

You appreciated that attention to detail. You started to think that you may be getting your money’s worth.

You went on to describe a couple other people whom you wanted to impress at the party, most especially your managing director, who had a say in your promotion.

When you finished, it was his turn to talk through other necessary details about your arrangement.

“What’s our cover story? How did we meet, how long have we been together…in case anybody asks. Oh, and you’ll have to tell me how intimate I can be with you.”

“Intimate?” You croaked out. You thought that ‘intimacy’ was optional–which was why it was the first thing that you asked him during this mini-date. You internally panic and reach up to your earlobe to press on it gently. 

“I mean, can I hold your hand? Are you okay with me touching you anywhere else? Can I kiss you?”

“Oh…uhm...s-sure.” Your eyes immediately flick down to his mouth briefly. It was very distracting.

“So…where?

Your breath hitched, snapping you out of your daze. “I beg your pardon?”

“Where can I touch or kiss you?”

You paused for a few seconds to consider this before you answered him. “Cheek, lips…” you say as casually as possible before quickly adding, “Not open-mouthed, though.”

He chuckles and nods along. “No problem.”

“And you can hold my hand, waist, or shoulders...” You rub your earlobe again as you try your best not to visibly sweat while you discuss parts of your body that this very unreasonably attractive and sexy-smelling man can put his hands on.

He cocked his head to the side, eyeing you carefully. “Is that a nervous tick?” 

You stilled. “What is?”

“That,” he gestures at your hand fidgeting with your ears.

“Oh…uhm…coping mechanism,” you say nonchalantly. “It calms me down,” you reasoned.

He pursed his lips and nodded. “I see.” He subtly makes note of it.

You exhaled deeply. Focus, YN. You tell him where the event would be at and approximately how long you’d be there before he told you how much he would charge. You’d need him for about 3-4 hours. Once you agreed on his rate, you moved on to discuss the dress code.

“Do you have a tux or do you need me to rent you one?”

He chuckled again. “I have a couple, but I appreciate the offer.”

After hearing what his hourly rate was, you had no doubt he had a couple of tuxes…nice, bespoke ones, you presumed.

“What are you wearing?”

His question catches you off-guard. If you didn’t know better, you’d say it was a come-on. “Does that matter? We don’t need to coordinate or anything. This isn’t prom,” you joked.

He laughed. “I know that but I want to complement your outfit. Aesthetics draw people’s attention. I think it would help.”

You purse your lips, turning pensive for a bit but eventually acquiesced. He notes that you were wearing a jewel-toned dress.

“Okay, so I’ll need you to meet me at–”

“Wouldn’t it be more believable if we arrived in the same car together?”

You hadn’t thought about that. You were slightly apprehensive about driving around with a stranger, much less a boyfriend-for-hire. Then again, this wasn’t just any run-of-the-mill escort service. Everything about this place screamed high-class. The app also assures background checks and necessary clearances for all of their employees.

“If it makes you feel more comfortable, we can meet at a neutral place, then we can take my car to the venue.”

“Sounds practical,” you uttered then proceeded to set a meeting place and time so you could drive together. “Okay so, we’re all set? Do I give you the money now or…after?”

“You can give it to me when we meet–either before or at the end of the night, once you’re satisfied with the service,” he finished with a smile.

You cleared your throat. You were really doing this…

“So, I know our time’s almost up but did you have any more questions for me?”

“No.” You felt confident that your plan would work. “What about you? Do you have any questions for me?”

“If you don’t mind me asking, why are you single or…not in a committed relationship?”

You squinted at him suspiciously. “And how is that relevant to our agreement?”

“Knowing helps me form a bond with my clients. It also enhances the experience or customizes it, if you will.” He smiled faintly.

And then there it was again–that stare. Something about that look made you feel safe and encouraged you to open up.

You paused before you answered. You’d already worked this out in your head and justified it over and over…“I just haven’t found anybody who respects my independence. I know that seems counterintuitive especially if you’re trying to find a partner but–I want to be with somebody who is comfortable with the thought of me not needing them all the time.”

“That’s an interesting take.”

You sighed wistfully. “To me, the concept of ‘needing someone’ is because you’re expecting some sort of benefit from them…as if they’re necessary for you to function properly. That’s where dependency lies and I do not want to be dependent on anybody. I do, however, want somebody to love…or care about. Wanting something or someone involves desire, passion…comfort.”

His eyebrows lifted at that. “Wow,” he blew out. “That’s deep.”

You rolled your eyes and laughed, taking a sip of your drink. “I’ve just been in one too many relationships where my partners have always complained about me not making them feel needed. And the truth is, I don’t need them,” you said simply before turning serious again, “I want them in my life, but they just didn’t understand so I focused my energy elsewhere.”

He nodded in earnest. “I hope that I can fulfill some of your wants.”

“You already are,” you smiled.

The next morning, you called the assistant about changing your RSVP to include a plus one. Luckily, another guest backed out, and they were able to make room at your table for your date.

******

On the day of your company’s party, you pulled into the parking structure a few blocks away from the venue, where you and Jungkook agreed to meet. When you reach the third level, you spot him standing next to a sleek, black, two-door Mercedes C-class Coupe. You pull your own white, Mercedes E-class next to his and parked.

“Nice ride,” He remarked at your car as you stepped out.

“Thanks,” you responded, then gestured at his car. “Clearly…great minds think alike!”

“I wish! It’s a company car,” he clarifies. Your eyebrows flick up and wonder how many ‘companies’ like his had $50,000 cars on-hand for ‘business purposes.’

He gives you a once-over and compliments you. “You look beautiful, Miss YLN.”

“You’re not so bad yourself,” you compliment him back. He was dressed in a matte, all-black tuxedo with silk lapels and a black bowtie. The only hint of color on his outfit was a pocket square matching your dress’ hue, which you noted appreciatively.

And you thought he couldn’t get any sexier. You internally fanned yourself.

“First things first!” You opened your clutch and took out an envelope that took up most of the space in it and handed it to him.

He glanced down at it before accepting it. “Are you sure you don’t want to wait until the end of the night to see how it goes first?”

Still holding your hand out, you cocked an eyebrow at him. “Are you saying that I should have second thoughts about this?” You countered.

He smiled confidently before quietly taking the envelope from you, tucking it in his jacket’s inside pocket and smoothing the front once more.

“Ready for showtime?” He asks.

“As I’ll ever be,” you respond before he opens the passenger door for you to slide into.

******

Your company went all out—valet parking, red carpet rollout to welcome all guests.

Jungkook hands the attendant his keys and you both walk up to the entrance, hand-in-hand. 

The event was held at a fine arts museum whose structure was originally modeled after a French-style pavilion. It was located on the other side of the city, over a hill with sweeping views of the Pacific ocean.

The venue had a large atrium in which guests would be drinking and dining. It was surrounded by large, concrete columns that covered the whole perimeter and at the center of it all was an illuminated glass pyramid—which was where a small stage was set up.

Since the museum housed many classic, invaluable collections, museum staff imposed restrictions on guests milling around with beverages or appetizers next to the art.

You scanned the room and spotted a few of your coworkers, already in deep conversation with a few of their current clients.

“Who are we going for first?” He asks.

You crane your neck in search of your managing director. You locate him having a conversation with your CEO. Two birds with one stone, you guided Jungkook in their direction.

“Sunbaenim,” you bowed, greeting both of them.

“YN-ssi!” They bowed back, acknowledging you.

You introduce Jungkook to them, using his assumed name, and they exchange handshakes and pleasantries.

“Are you in finance, too?” Your CEO asks him after some small talk about the weather and the party.

“No. I’m in the hospitality business, actually. Client services, specifically,” Jungkook replied. You couldn’t help but shoot him a sideways look.

“Ah, I see. And how is business?”

“Very lucrative, actually,” Jungkook smirked and side-eyed you back, making you clear your throat sheepishly.

“Really?” He asked dubiously. “How so?”

“Well, I work for a private company that caters to a very specific yet virtually untapped market. Our clients pay top dollar to acquire our services and we’ve been very successful at it in the last few years.”

“Huh. That’s interesting. Which company is this again?”

“Le Groupe De L’Atelier,” he answered smoothly. “Have you heard of it?”

Your scalp prickles while you shift uncomfortably. Jungkook sounded as if he was winging this whole part of the conversation. You wanted to jump in but your director interrupted.

“Oh wow–” he breathed out, sounding impressed. “Your restaurant is very popular. I’ve uh–been wanting to get in touch with your CEO for a while. Any way you can put in a good word for me?” Your director asks opportunistically.

You grimaced. “Oh, director-nim–he’s not here to work,” you interject nervously while squeezing Jungkook’s arm.

“That’s okay, jagi,” Jungkook says sweetly. “Hyung gets a lot of partnership offers but he prefers to keep the corporation closed and limits contractors.”

Your director frowns. “Oh…surely he needs a good financial manager–”

“I believe he already has one,” Jungkook counters with a smile. “And he’s had a great working relationship with her over the years so, I think that’s taken care of.” That effectively ended that topic.

“Anyway,” Jungkook piped up, “Hyung has been looking into partnering with a local vineyard to expand our wine offerings. Do you have any suggestions?”

Your CEO’s eyes brighten and he begins to wax poetic about his newly purchased vineyard.

Jungkook glances at you and gives you a small wink, which makes you visibly relax. 

******

Next, you approached a group of other analysts from your team.

You went down the line and introduced your boyfriend. They shook his hand in awe and approval.

“See that guy over there?” You whispered to him, pointing towards your office rival on the other side of the room. He bent down, leaning his ear closer to you. “That’s Wonwoo. We’ve been gunning for the same promotion all year.”

Wonwoo was not as motivated or competitive as you were. He was technically a non-factor but you noticed that your boss had been meeting with him often to share some ‘tricks of the trade.’ You tried to think nothing of it but suddenly recalled your conversation with Miri not so long ago.

Wonwoo was married and he and his wife had a baby on the way. Picture-perfect family. 100% committed.

You took a gulp of your drink. All you need is just one huge, notable account–and that promotion should be yours.

“He looks pretty unremarkable to me,” he mumbled back before one of your colleagues brought up a new topic of conversation. Every now and then, with your consent, he would massage your neck or put his hand around your waist protectively. He also continued to call you ‘jagiya,’ but not in an obnoxious way. His actions made you giggle–which shocked you more than it did your colleagues. His touches felt like you were trapped in a heatwave…one that made you desperate for a cold shower.

At dinner, a steady stream of alcohol flowed along with the conversation. You scanned the table in search of clues to find out if anybody was onto you–perhaps a weird stare or some whispering. You didn’t see any of that. You and Jungkook seemed to be a very believable couple!

It also helped that he was incredibly charming and humble at the same time. He talked about his hobbies and varied interests which didn’t seem all that extraordinary to you but the entire table was enthralled by him.

For a moment, it felt like you were the envy of everyone not just at the table but the whole room. Jungkook was the date the women at your table wanted to be with. Every party guest and colleague you encountered wanted to be his friend. 

He was certainly a gentleman in every sense of the word. Earlier this evening, he opened doors for you, helped you with your coat, pulled your chair out, and with your consent, placed his hand on your leg or caressed your bare arm every so often.

You’d never know if he was a genuine guy or just a great actor. Still, it felt nice to be treated well and showered with affection.

******

After place settings were cleared out, everyone continued to mill around the party.

“I think things are going well, don’t you?” You asked Jungkook absently while you scanned the room for your next target.

“I don’t see why they wouldn’t be,” he replies smoothly.

You turned your head to regard him. “You know, you’re really good at this,” you complimented him. He kept up with conversations, even laughing politely at your coworkers’ bland jokes. He chimed in topics that seemed way out of left-field but he was always prepared with a quip or two.

“Me?” He points to himself incredulously. “Honestly, I feel like I haven’t done much except hang back and watch you. I just crack a couple jokes and talk about random stuff. You, on the other hand, are amazing at what you do. I’m starting to forget what you needed me for,” he joked.

“You have the charm factor! And…suddenly, I seem much more interesting to my coworkers now that I’m out in public with a date,” you remark with slight bitterness.

“You’re doing just fine, YN,” he says in consolation.

You inwardly groan. “Thanks,” you say sardonically. “Now I just need to find a big fish to reel in to look even more appealing. Once I do that, it should definitely give me a boost.”

You took a sip of your drink while you tensely scan the room again for other potential clients. Suddenly, you feel a warmth curl around your bare shoulders.

“Relax,” he crooned softly. He reached up slightly, stroking your earlobe and applied the faintest pressure with his thumb. “You’re too wound up,” he purred.

You peered up at him, his eyes boring into you, making your breath hitch and your mouth dry. When you pulled on your earlobes, it was a coping mechanism that helped center you; whereas he managed to turn it into foreplay.

“Feel better?”

Quite the opposite.

“Uhm,” you stammered hoarsely. “Sure…t-thanks.” You take a huge gulp of your drink to distract yourself again until you recognize someone familiar in the crowd.

“Oh! That’s Jessica Nam! Wow, she actually came,” you gasped in disbelief and turned to Jungkook.

The name didn’t ring a bell for him so he continued to stare blankly at you.

“S-sorry.” You apologized for expecting him to know a potential client. “Her e-commerce company’s valuation just hit a billion dollars,” you explained. “She just announced an expansion.”

He eyed her for a second, noticing that she was sitting at her table alone, not counting the two other guests who didn’t seem to notice her. She was sipping on her drink quietly, and texted on her phone, looking bored. If this woman was so rich, why wasn’t anybody crowding her, he wondered.

“Okay,” he takes your word for it. “But how come nobody’s trying to fleece her?”

You sighed softly. “Her company sells lingerie–via subscription.”

“Oh…and…that’s…a turnoff?” He asks slowly.

You clicked your teeth. “No. But she’s what my boss calls ‘new money.’ She started off as a social media personality who then capitalized on her base when she launched her business. And it worked to her advantage! I think she’s impressive.”

“And she doesn’t count as a potential big fish to reel in?”

“I feel that she is! It’s my boss who thinks she’s too new to the scene. Word on the street is that she’s shopping for a reputable wealth management firm. Our company invited her in an effort to reach out but…I don’t think my boss wants to put much effort in it. He’s doing the bare minimum.”

“Well, what do you want to do about it?” Jungkook turned to you.

“I’ve been wanting to schedule a meeting with her but I can never get through. She’s a busy woman.”

“What’s stopping you now? She’s right there! It’s not like she’s got armed guards or whatever.”

You sighed. “I technically need to have my boss present before going for a big account like that.”

Jungkook looked at you incredulously. “It’s a party! You’re just trying to make conversation! This might be the ace you need for your hand.”

“Hmm…” You hesitated. You knew the protocol. Your boss allowed you to speak to potential clients but usually under his direct orders. He always had to make the final, formal pitch and afterwards, sign the client with the company. You didn’t want to steal his thunder. Otherwise, it would compromise all of the schmoozing progress you’ve made this evening.

“Aish, screw your boss! You clearly respect this woman’s hustle–use that to your advantage! What’s the worst that could happen?”

You know what? Fuck it!

“You’re right,” you say, fully fired up by Jungkook. “I’m gonna go reel me a big fish!”

Together, you approached Ms. Nam, introducing yourself and your ‘boyfriend’. When it was his turn to shake her hand, he made eye contact with her and you could have sworn that she got a bit of whiplash.

Despite that, he kept himself calm and collected and was his usual gentlemanly self. While you made smalltalk with her, his eyes wandered towards the one side of the atrium–where he found your director eyeing your movements.

******

As you chat up your potential client about what your company can do for her, Jungkook excused himself to get you another drink. Your conversation was sounding a bit technical and he didn’t want to cramp your style.

On his way there, he passes your managing director, who was now joined by your company’s CEO, looking like they were having a casual conversation. He was fully intent on ignoring it but his ears perk up when he hears your name. He walked back slightly and hid behind one of the columns to listen in.

“Do you see YN making her move with the mail-order panty lady,” your director quipped, making the CEO chuckle.

“Well, her profits have been trending upward showing no signs of stopping,” your CEO remarked. “It would be great if we can sign her exclusively to manage her finances.”

“I trust YN to get the sales-talk going. Luckily, since she’s only a junior analyst. She has to defer to me to sign clients,” your director points out.

“You know, if she books this meeting, it will really raise our profile,” your CEO adds.

“I know–which is why, I’m thinking about bringing Wonwoo to the formal pitch. He can seal the deal on this. I’ve been mentoring him in the last couple months.”

“He’s planning on buying a house up north, right?” your CEO wondered out loud.

“He is,” your director confirms. “He and his wife are expecting their first kid–would be nice to get a nice commission to cover some of that downpayment, huh?”

“Yes, I think that’s a great idea,” your CEO bemused. “Keep me posted on that progress, huh?”

“I will, sunbaenim.”

Jungkook, forgetting about his bladder, decided to double-back to where you sat. This was something that he needed to let you know right away.

******

“I love your spunk, YN!” Jessica Nam laughs.

You were making great strides in your conversation with Miss Nam. If it were up to you, you’d draw up a contract on a cocktail napkin right this second to seal the deal.

“Seriously, though–that business expansion that you’re planning? I think it’s genius and it’s the next logical step!”

“It is, isn’t it?” She remarked. “And please, call me Jessi. ‘Miss Nam’ makes me feel way older than I need to be. Well–” she suddenly switched tact, “It does come in handy every now and then…especially during business meetings with male financial advisors,” she smiled ruefully. “It’s probably the only way I can garner respect.”

You sighed regretfully. “I’m sorry to hear that, Jessi.” She was young and became financially successful unconventionally. Unfortunately, some people only saw her as a bag of money.

“One of your staff has been relentless with my assistant. He’s leaving messages at my office, asking for a meeting. He said ‘hi’ earlier, made some boring smalltalk…” she craned her neck to look around before spotting him in one corner by the columns. “That guy!” She gestured at your boss.

“Oh,” you say, slightly embarrassed. “Yeah, he’s my managing director,” you replied carefully.

Feeling slightly suspicious, she cocked an eyebrow. “That’s…interesting,” she drawled.

However, you quickly added, “We don’t share the same principles, though, Jessi. I guarantee you that,” you assured her. “And if you give me an opportunity, I can give you a more formal presentation on what I think would be the best approach for your company. Much like your business, I don’t believe in a one-size-fits-all plan. I think that there should be something for everyone–something that fits you perfectly and makes you look and feel good.”

Her face visibly relaxed. “Hm…tell me more,” she uttered, her interest piqued.

******

Jungkook returns to your table as you chat away. He quietly presents you with a drink and hands a glass of wine to Jessica.

After you mouthed your thanks, you feel his hand squeeze your shoulder. You turned your head and he smiled warmly at you. You had to admit, it was endearing.

Jessica smiled at the silent exchange. “You two look so cute together,” she mused.

“Oh, don’t mind me. I’m just the trophy boyfriend,” Jungkook jested. “It’s YN here who's the real diamond.” His thumb and forefinger grazed your earring, and moved to your earlobe.

Normally, you’d cringe at that but he was on a hot streak tonight. You had to admit, the compliment warmed your cheeks…among other things.

Jessica sipped on her drink, then sighed. “You’ve given me a lot of things to consider, YN.”

“I hope so, Jessi. And–” you paused to reach into your clutch for a business card then handed it to her. “I’d love for us to talk more. I’m available for questions, any day.”

She accepts your card and smiles. “You’ll hear from me soon, YN.”

Her tone sounded really promising. You think you’ve left a good impression. On that note, you excused yourself, not wanting to hover too much and just hoped for the best.

Resting his hand on the small of your back, you and Jungkook walk away. When you were out of earshot, he immediately said, “Listen, I need to tell you something important.”

******

You were absolutely livid after Jungkook told you about what he overheard your bosses saying about you. To avoid making a scene, he walks you out into the courtyard, to blow off some steam–away from the party.

“That is so fucked up!” You fumed.

“Wonwoo?!” You spat out. “Him?” You were incredulous. You were in the same cohort but he never operated on the same level as you did.

“I’ve been working my ass off for five years and how am I still nowhere near making senior analyst? It’s…” You shook your head, unclench your fists and let out a growl of frustration. “I have way more billable hours than Wonwoo! I work late all the fucking time; I am the first to volunteer for all of the firm’s charity shit…I should be the shoo-in here! Yet they��re picking him?” You raged.

“YN…”

You paced around and took several deep breaths to calm yourself. You still had a chance to salvage this. “You know what? I have to seal the deal with Jessica Nam and just do what I need to do…then it should be fine. It should be fine,” you repeated.

“You know, you say that word a lot.”

“What?” You say hastily.

“‘Should.’”

“Huh?” You were confused.

“Seems like you work your way through your career around the word ‘should.’ Do you ever notice that?”

“N-no. I don’t think…”

“The first time we met, you said, ‘This promotion should have happened last year;’ or if you pull this off, ‘it should show them’ that you deserve this. Then tonight, you said, you need to ‘do what you need to do then it should be fine’.”

That didn’t seem right. You couldn’t have been using the word that much.

“Do you always have an idea as to how things should go for you?” 

“Well, I do have goals,” you reasoned. “And I believe that if you continue to push hard, make the right connections, you shou–” You stopped yourself and pursed your lips immediately while he grinned, proving his point. 

“Fine!” You relented. “So I’m a little more determined than most people and I like to manifest things. It keeps me focused.” You then looked down at your palms. “Because if I don’t, I’ll just keep wandering around aimlessly. I’m not a fan of winging it!”

He gave you a sympathetic smile. “I get it. Some people like to believe that if they push hard enough, they can change things as opposed to accepting them as they are.”

You shifted your stance while you considered his comment.

“Have you ever wondered about what you would do if your ‘shoulds’ don’t work out? Would you be open to going about things differently?”

You opened your mouth tentatively to speak but truthfully, you didn’t know the answer to his question. You weren’t sure if you had an answer for it.

“Please don’t take this the wrong way, but coming from an outsider’s perspective? I don’t get why you’re trying so hard to get a seat at this table. A table that nobody seems to want to make room for you.”

You sighed in irritation. “It’s not supposed to be easy. It’s…it’s just the way things are,” you justified. “That’s how you filter the unworthy ones.”

He scoffed. “Just because they make it so, doesn’t mean that’s how it should be.”

You paused and stared at him as if he’d grown two extra heads.

“Why don’t you look for another table where they make you feel welcome? Or better yet, here’s a crazy idea–build your own table!”

The thought of you leaving and starting all over again–it was daunting. You had worked so hard, invested so much of your time and effort, making many sacrifices along the way.

“This is supposed to be the top company to work for! I’ve...given so much just to get to where I’m at…” You groan in frustration. “And I’m just supposed to walk away from all that?”

He nods, trying to understand your justification of the situation. “Okay, I got that part. Suppose this all works out and you manage to force your way into this promotion. What now? Do you think they’ll make things easier for you then?”

You didn’t know that for sure. You were already jumping through hoops at this point! Meanwhile, all Wonwoo had to do was be married, knock up his wife, and continue to half-ass his client calls. 

“I understand that some people need some form of validation–that’s an inherent human desire. But…you shouldn’t have to beg for it. If you think you’ve been doing great things this whole time– yet you still haven’t received that recognition that you know you rightfully deserve? Maybe it’s time to move onto some place where they appreciate you for who you are and what you do, instead of forcing you to conform to their righteous criteria.”

Somehow, in the back of your mind, you already knew this but you’ve been in denial. You didn’t need to prove your commitment to the company–that should have already been evident from the moment you broke the single-day contract signing record.

But those shoulds didn’t come through for you then. What difference would they make now?

“I know we haven’t known each other long but–I think you’re a badass! You’re a badass dwarfed by a bunch of dicks.”

That made you laugh.

“I’m serious! I’m not pulling your leg here. I think you can stand toe-to-toe with any one of those guys. It’s just that–this system has you set up for failure. They don’t think you could be great. And based on what I heard back there, they didn’t even think much about you at all!”

You got a sinking feeling–especially after your former colleague, Miri, left nearly two years ago. She didn’t seem like she held a grudge against the company but you suspected that she’d been shanked.

“I mean, obviously, you have final say on whatever you want to do. I’m fully aware of my place in this.”

“No, don’t say that.” you interjected softly.

He regarded you curiously.

“If there’s anything I learned from you tonight, it’s to not minimize myself. You should practice what you preach.“

He grinned at you. “There you go!”

You let out a long sigh. “You’ve given me a lot to think about.”

Jungkook nodded gently. “Do you still want to head back inside?” He asked softly.

“Yes, but only to say goodbye to a few people. After that, I think we should call it a night, if that’s okay with you?”

His eyes softened before bobbing his head for a nod. “I’m good with whatever you decide, YN.”

“Thank you.”

“After you,” he utters, stretching his hand out towards the pathway leading back into the atrium.

After saying goodbye to a few clients in attendance, you excused yourself, telling Jungkook that you needed to make one last stop in the ladies’ room before heading back to the parking lot to retrieve your car.

******

“You know, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were stalking me,” a female voice said.

You look up at the mirror in front of you to find Jessica Nam’s reflection as she washed her hands over the sink next to you.

“Jessi…hi!”

“Fancy seeing you here,” she joked. “Are you staying for the dancing?”

You laughed softly. “Oh, no…I’m actually going to call it a night.”

“That’s a shame. I really enjoyed our conversation this evening. Most exciting one I’ve had in a while. Now I have to deal with all of these stiffs for the rest of the night. Your boss was not-so-subtly hovering and making inappropriate jokes,” she jested. “Maybe I should take that as a sign to take my leave, too.”

“I’m…sorry to hear that.”

“Don’t worry, YN. You don’t need to apologize for anything.” she smiled. “Well, anyway,” she sighed while she wiped her hands with paper towels. “I’ve been thinking about what you said earlier and I’ve decided that–I would love to sit down and talk more–say…at my office?”

Your jaw nearly drops to the floor in shock. “Uhm–uh…wow. Yes…yes! Thank you!” Your mind started to race. This was a huge opportunity for you.

“You can reach me here.” She hands you her business card. “I’m usually in the office during the week but if I’m not, my assistant will set up a schedule for us to meet. I’ll give her your name so she knows to pencil you in right away.”

You nearly squeal in excitement as you accepted her card.

“On one condition though,” she cautioned.

“Name it,” you replied instantly.

“I want you to be my point of contact,” she stated firmly.

Some analysts, like yourself, were experienced enough to talk to clients directly, answering their questions and handling minor issues so the managing directors would be free to work on bringing in more business. You did the grunt work while your bosses took all the glory. Still…protocol was protocol.

“Jessi–” you faltered, “My boss usually handles all of the client negotiations and I’m not sure if I have the authority to–”

Her expression unyielding, she waved her hand in mid-air to swat your excuses. “Then get the authority! Your boss is condescending and a complete asshole. You’re smart, ambitious, and unafraid to take risks. It’s either you or I walk away.” She shrugged.

Your cheeks warmed at her compliments. It was great to watch another woman beat the odds and succeed in the most unconventional way.

“Okay, I’ll be your point of contact,” you answered. It was too good a deal to pass up. You’d handle the consequences later.

“Good,” she grinned triumphantly.

“I’m really looking forward to our partnership, Jessi. You won’t regret it,” you said, holding your hand out. She took it and squeezed firmly.

“I don’t think I will,” she replied.

When you both exited from the ladies’ room, you found Jungkook scrolling through his phone. He spots you out of the corner of his eye and looks up to see an awestruck look on your face while you watch Jessica Nam walk out of the venue and into her waiting car at the front.

“Hey–everything okay in there?”

“Y-yeah. Uhm…I think that I just landed a deal with Jessica Nam,” you choked out in disbelief.

“That’s awesome!” He exclaimed. “Congratulations!”

“No, no–don’t congratulate me yet. Not until we’ve drawn up contracts and everything.”

“Yeah but isn’t that all just a formality?”

“I mean…I guess? Holy shit!” You breathed out, laughing.

“Nice, YN. You should savor it!” He was right. You should savor it!

******

Once you were back at the parking lot, he got out of the car and made his way around to open the passenger side. He offered his hand, which you held onto for support as you stepped out.

You unlocked your car, put your coat in the backseat and retrieved a pair of flats to switch out your stilettos.

When you were done, you leaned against the side of your car, and found that he had also shed his jacket and was now loosening his bowtie so he could undo the top button of his shirt. 

Then he pulled his cufflinks off, pocketing them before he shut the passenger door. He was rolling up his sleeves when he turned to face you, mirroring your posture against his car.

He looked much more relaxed after all that while you, on the other hand, became unreasonably all wound up. 

Crossing his arms over his chest, he asks, “Are you good?”

That zapped you back into reality. You nodded absently. “Yeah, I’m good,” you sighed.

“Sorry if things didn’t work out as you had planned,” he expressed regretfully.

“On the contrary–I think they worked out for the better,” you quipped.

He smiled broadly. “Where do you go from here?”

You lifted a shoulder. It was going to be difficult starting over again but–the great thing about it was that you had options.

“I’m taking my talents someplace else,” you say simply, alluding to Mira’s offer.

“Not that my opinion matters but I think that’ll be good for you.”

You mouthed your thanks. “So…where are you headed after this?” You ask him.

“Probably home. I was going to take another date but since we weren’t quite done, I turned it down.”

You gasped, realizing that you had gone way past your original time limit. “Oh gosh–I’m sor–”

He waved his hand, not making a big deal out of it. “It’s alright. So we went over an hour,” he shrugged noncommittally. 

Mortified, you tried to rectify your oversight. “No, no, I’d feel bad. I can add more–”

He shook his head. “That really won’t be necessary, YN. As long as you got what you needed?”

You nodded earnestly. “I did! And I can’t help thinking that I owe you in some way…not just for the extra hour but in general.”

“Nah,” he chuckled softly. “I didn’t do anything. I just stood there and watched you work. It was all you.”

“Yes, but without your prompting, I never would have realized some things. You know, since I was always focused on the ‘shoulds’ instead of the ‘coulds’,” you say, thinking back to your initial conversation. “So…thank you,” you say graciously, since you couldn’t think of any other way to express your gratitude.

“You’re welcome.” He pushed off his car, straightened out, took a step closer and stretched his hand out towards you. “I hope that you were satisfied with your experience?”

You smiled, clasping your hands with his. “I was.”

Then he turned wistful. “Does this mean that this is the last time I’m ever going to see you?”

You gave him a rueful smile. “I think so.”

He hummed, releasing you from his hold to slide his hands in his pocket and rocked back on his heels. “That’s a shame. I really liked spending time with you.”

You raised a quizzical eyebrow at him. “Do you say that to all of your clients?”

“Yes,” he replies candidly, with a little chuckle.

You laughed. “Thanks for not lying on my account.”

“That aside, I will say that you’re going to be one of my more memorable clients. And uh…If you ever want to talk or hang out and grab a drink somewhere–as friends,” he emphasized, “Just let me know.”

“I might take you up on that,” you answered in all sincerity.

You’d never met anybody like him. His lack of complication was fascinating to you. It was refreshing.

This evening, your chemistry felt so natural that you had moments where you forgot that you hired him to pretend to be in love with you. You didn’t know for certain if it was the alcohol, the boost of confidence that he gave you, or the fact that he was this unattainable fantasy–but you found yourself to be in love, too…just for tonight.

Nevertheless, beneath those big, round eyes of his was a dose of reality. It didn’t make you feel bitter thinking that you would never find someone exactly like him in the real world. He made you realize that even though you should not settle for anything less, you could still consider a compromise–one that would make you and your potential partner happy.

“I’m not forcing you to, though. The choice is always yours, as it should be,” he grinned.

You stare at him silently for a few seconds–and he stares back. As safe and assuring this look made you feel before, the longer he did it, the more intense that look got. Before you knew it, it felt as if he was undressing you on the spot.

After some hesitation, you wondered, “Can I try something?”

“Sure,” he replies.

You straightened out and moved closer to him, making his eyebrow quirk in anticipation of what you would do next. The last thing you see is him closing his eyes as you tilted your chin up to press your lips to his.

Although tentative at first, you opened your mouth slightly. Instinctively, his lips moved in perfect synchronicity with yours. You felt a tingle in the pit of your stomach when you felt his hand cup your jaw while your lips continued to explore each other’s mouths.

You finally found the strength to pull away from him, which left you breathless and slightly off-balance.

“Huh,” you say with your eyebrows raised and forehead creased.

His face falters a little at your seemingly unimpressed reaction. “Was that not good for you?” He asks slowly.

“Oh–it was good. Really good.” Your mind is buzzing, heat pooling between your legs.

You watched his tongue graze his lower lip before his right pointer finger slowly reached over to push some errant strands of hair away from your forehead. “I can show you exactly how good it could be.”

For a second, you actually considered it. He was great company and you had fun tonight…not to mention that he was also really hot.

“I can get a room for us at the hotel a couple blocks away from here.” Then, he leaned in and lowered his voice to your ear. “Off the clock.”

You had to admit, it was extremely tempting. It was all part of the service: the companionship, the fantasy, and mind-blowing sex designed to specifically please you…with no strings attached!

And why were you second-guessing this again?

But something within you thought that if you took him up on his offer, you wouldn’t be able to forgive yourself. A fantasy— no matter how enticing— was still a fantasy.

“You know what?” You stepped back slightly, clearing your throat nervously, “It’s just not what I need right now. I had a really great time with you and…I think we should leave at that,” you say as respectfully as possible.

He smiled, unperturbed. “I thought it was worth a shot,” he shrugged. “You never know!”

You groaned inwardly. “Trust me…it was not an easy decision.” You clutched your keys tighter while that ache between your thighs turned excruciating. You had to be logical about this.

“Can we at least hug it out?”

You laughed softly. “Of course!” You stepped into his waiting arms and he gave you a gentle squeeze. You had a fantastic time with him and he fulfilled the task that you had hired him for. In turn, he opened your eyes to what you’ve been missing this whole time–your worth.

“Don’t be a stranger, hm?” He mumbles into your ear.

You unlocked your car and opened the door. Before sliding in, you turn to him one last time. “Thank you for…everything, really.”

“You’re welcome. And don’t forget that you’re pretty awesome, too. You just have to believe in it more.”

******

“Oh and don’t forget, you have lunch with Jessi Nam in an hour.”

You look up and acknowledge your assistant, who sat across from your new desk in your new office, at Miri Jang’s firm. After the party, you put in your two weeks and gathered your things, taking with you a couple of notable clients–one of them, Jessica Nam.

“Thanks, Kai. I can’t miss that!”

He smiled. “And Cristina in Legal just sent over the final draft of the Nam contract. It’s all worked out and ready for her signature when you bring it to the meeting.”

“Perfect!” you remarked. “That’ll be all, Kai. Thanks again.”

When he steps out, you lean back against your seat and stare out your window.

It’s been over two weeks since you last saw Jungkook. Every now and then, you’d miss him…but it was more the idea of your date. The constant physical contact, being extra-attentive, complimenting you without sounding patronizing. And even the little things like, calling you ‘jagi’ or simply leaning in closer to listen to what you have to say.

Was it nice having the perfect boyfriend for a night? Of course!

Would you ever do it again? Highly unlikely.

Then again, it’s not like you canceled your membership so…never say 'never'.

You’ve reached the end! Thank you so much for reading!

If you loved it, please comment, reblog, or send me feedback! 📩. I love hearing from readers! If you didn’t like it so much, I would still like to hear about it. Help me become a better writer! 💜

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