#finished this way later than the others but at least its done lol

[infelious]

Last one to zzz

[cybunii]

YOU NEEDED LOVE, I NEEDED YOU !!

a/n: i got sad and wrote this LOL but people wanted a part two to the other one so i hope this one is just as good !!

pairing: Leon kennedy x Gn!reader

cw: sad leon, maybe ooc?

-

Leon didn't like being alone after he met you. 

He clung to you as soon as he met you, doing everything in his power just to get an ounce of your attention. It's almost like a puppy begging their owner for treats or toys, he needed you, it was simple.

He’d walk to the ends of the earth for you, maybe even haunting you after death.

Even if he was cranky, or didn't understand the little things you did. He still loved you with every single piece of him, his heart belonged to you. 

And that was enough. 

Holidays have always been odd for him, his work never let him off around these days and he's so used to all of the stress that comes with the job. 

He felt almost empty, or maybe useless. 

He put that energy into almost everything he did with you, helping with baking and decorating. Even taking the time to decorate the outside of the house. It made him feel content, at least it made you happy. 

After helping you bake the first time, he was practically hooked. One bite of the desert you made and his fate was sealed, you had baked his heart and served it up for him to eat. 

He didn't think he minded that thought that much, maybe it was self-destructive or obsessive- But he would let you do anything to him, then again cannibalism always had weird hints of romance in those books he picked up. 

Decorating was fun at times, your pushy nature about how certain things needed to be done made you seem cute. 

He didn't understand the hype behind real christmas trees or specific ornaments on them, then again he didn't celebrate christmas growing up. Not that he never wanted to, but Santa and presents were off the table from a very young age. 

The way the ornaments lit up when the lights were plugged in was stunning. 

He decided that was his favorite part, well maybe one of them. Seeing your face break out into a smile once you stepped back from the finished tree may as well be burned into his memory. He wished he could've taken a picture.

-

He knew the holidays would be different this year, he was warned about a dangerous mission about a week ago, and the possibility of him coming back was less than none. 

He didn't like those odds. 

Not that he feared death or his job, but the first thing that came to mind was you. I mean he fought for you, secretly laid on his deathbed a few times, and thought of coming home to you later. 

He could never tell them no though, who was he to go against them? He was at their beck and call, a mindless robot who goes on missions and returns with less and less of his sanity intact. 

You weren't the jealous type, or at least he didn't think you were. He could handle you hating him, but he didn't want to feel the hatred at the moment, coming up with a desperate plan at the last second. 

He used Ada as an escape plan, thinking chasing after a woman on christmas would make you hate him, that way it was easier for him to leave. 

You didn't give a reaction, just staring at him with a blank expression. 

Every silent minute felt like hours, the seconds slowly shattering his heart the longer he stood there. Not like you knew that, he had been trained to keep a straight face, this was nothing.

-

He knew what nothing felt like when he left you. Leaving out the door with nothing to his name, no car, no clothes, and absolutely no money. Only a throwaway phone he used. 

He didn't want to look back at you, even if you showed no reaction, he didn't want to break down crying at the sight of your blank face. 

His only destination was the location they gave him, punching the place in and groaning when its hours away. 

He made it there the next day and to his surprise? 

They no longer needed him, the mission was a success by some other agent who was able to get there quicker and finish the job. They didn't know what he did to get there, and quickly ushered him out, saying they'll call if they ever needed him for something else. 

If leaving you didn't break him, knowing he could've come back to you absolutely crushed him. I mean even to the point of dry heavy sobs in some random hotel that he managed to get a room at, grabbing at the sheets as the tears ran down his red face. 

He never was the type to show his true emotions, always bottling them up until they turned to anger wasn't exactly the best thing for him to do. 

They always led to moments like these, a bottle exploding under the pressure and going everywhere, unable to be fixed or glued back together. 

It took him hours to stop crying, only because nothing else would come out anymore. 

His puffy eyes and disheveled hair made him frown, he never was one to look so pathetic, at least not in these situations.

He just wanted to lay somewhere, letting all of his emotions out and not having to do anything else. He never was the best type to be alone, his thoughts never made it easy.

-

He never did leave the state, coming back to your town with the promise of a small job at some weird office. Didn’t matter to him, it made decent money. 

He was observant of his surroundings at all times, his broken heart controlling his eyes as he walked the town, hoping to even see just a glimpse of you. 

He never did. 

He wondered if you had moved away. 

He hoped you didn't, with enough money he didn't mind going everywhere to find you. There's no limit to what he would've done to find you. 

There wasn't a day that went by that he didn't think of you, or how sorry he was for leaving. He would look out the window at night just staring at the moon, hoping you were too, at least you'd be doing the same thing he was. 

That would be enough for him. 

With the extra money he had, he would just walk around the town for hours. Going to the most popular restaurants and parks. Supposedly those were fun things to do, but he knew he only went there because he went there with you. 

He couldn't even shop without thinking of you, buying the small snacks and not thinking about it until he got home, leaving them sitting in the cabinet for months because his mind tricked him you were still around. 

It was sad, and he knew that. 

It was heartbreaking to know christmas was next week. How had time slipped by him that fast?

He may not have had his own traditions, but he’d never forget what he did with you. Practically burning a hole in his wallet as he bought a real christmas tree, buying the same ornaments and lights, and every single ingredient for the stuff you baked. 

The finished tree never did look as pretty without your smile paired with it.

And the deserts tasted empty, it wasn't like they weren't good- But they could be so much better if you had made them. 

He had bought you something too. 

It may have been corny, and also pathetic- He seemed to like that word, being hard on himself had to be his favorite pastime at this point. 

But he bought you a ring, one you had pointed at on a random day saying you wanted it. It hadn't even been a week since you started dating when you said that, and he remembered it ever since. 

He was definitely using that memory for later. 

But now it sits under the bright, but also dull tree, the lights bouncing off the shiny wrapping paper. He dreamed of giving it to you, maybe even placing it in your mailbox with no return address. 

He decided that was creepy, a good call on his end.

He wasn't a stalker, maybe not in a bad way. 

That’s beside the point. 

He missed you that night, maybe more than any other night. His mind decided to be real nice to him that night, creating a dream of you being together again and being happy, celebrating christmas like old times. 

He may have woken up that next morning and bawled his eyes out, but that was okay.

It felt real to him. 

And that was enough for now. 

-

word count: 1.5k

[bambheez]

tonight is for the two of us (l.hs)

SUMMARY: two lonely people who find comfort in each other’s presence for one night. PAIRING: heeseung x reader GENRE: angst, smut WARNINGS: mentions of character death, grief, depression, insomnia, child and domestic abuse, alcoholism, profanity, light smut WORD COUNT: 5.8k A/N: the way this entire thing screams verbosity but that’s just my style so pls forgive me lol… obviously this is different from what I’ve posted so far in that there’s actual plot and it’s somewhat dark (so please read the long ass list of warnings before you proceed). you can also listen to the PLAYLIST for this story (I am in love with all of these songs)! as always, reblogs/comments/feedback are especially appreciated! :)

Your clammy hands were gripping the steering wheel to the point where your dashboard lights illuminated the whites of your knuckles. As you made your way up the windy roads to the lookout point, void of any streetlamps and relying on your high beams on blast, you were silently thankful for the lack of cars trailing behind you or driving toward you in the opposite direction.

Had you done your research beforehand instead of simply plugging the address into your phone, perhaps you wouldn’t have embarked on this hour-long journey to go stargazing with your colleagues. You suggested carpooling to no avail, having to face your absurd fear of driving not only at night but also on sketchy, unfamiliar roads. 

A slight crane of your neck to the right brought you a view of the city’s skyline in the distance, a hazy glow amidst a sea of black, and you wished you could teleport back to the comfort of the bright, bustling city. The mere thought of having to drive back down this same path later had you letting out a deep groan. 

A sudden interjection of your phone’s navigation app announcing that you were arriving at your destination in 100 feet caused you to whip your head back in focus, scanning the parking lot as you approached the top of the mountain. 

Your car was the only one in the vicinity, save for a camper van with none of its lights on, looking particularly worn-down and deserted. You parked in a random empty spot, unplugging your phone from its charging port before stepping out into the brisk air. Spotting a bench near the lookout point, you took long strides up across the parking lot and up the hill, plopping down to sit and fishing your phone out of your pocket to check your notifications.

You were surprised to find an empty home screen, expecting a “sorry, we’ll be a few minutes late” in your group chat seeing as it was over ten minutes past the time you were meant to arrive. You dialed the number of the coworker who invited you and you heard her voice come onto the line after three long rings.

“Hey! What’s up?” she was nearly screaming over sounds of at least a dozen other people talking.

“What’s your ETA?” you were muttering, already having a bad feeling of what she was about to say.

“H-huh? Oh, it’s supposed to rain tonight, so we canceled! Sorry, I thought we told y–” you were tearing the phone away from the side of your face and hanging up before she could finish her sentence. 

A miserable chuckle escaped your mouth as you took note of the thick clouds hanging over the sky and brought your feet up on the bench, hugging your knees and resting your back against the wood. You weren’t sure why you expected anything else. 

You thought perhaps moving across the country to a big city would put an end to the dread of a thousand tomorrows, none of them promising any semblance of change, but the truth was you never felt more alone than when you were standing in the midst of a busy crowd surrounded by towering skyscrapers and blinding lights—a single drop in the ocean.

There was no way to describe it other than a vice on your heart, squeezing with just enough pressure to be a constant, dull ache. A black hole that threatened to swallow every part of you until all that was left was a human shaped shell, too numb to feel the pain anymore.

There were nights you unwillingly let it control you, and all you could do in those long hours was find an enclosed place to shake until the tears subsided. The vast, open darkness in front of you made you wonder just how many people were out there feeling the same way you did. 

Some old acquaintances had promised to stay in touch, yet what you heard from them was comparable to radio silence, their smiles and efforts merely pixelated and small yellow faces that stopped coming whenever your world fell apart—which was often.

Trudging to get past each day made you realize just how much of your world had revolved around one person—one last connection with a life that used to be. You couldn’t tell her when your local tea shop came out with her favorite lychee drink, when you listened to a song that reminded you of her, how you saw someone on the subway reading a book she had recommended you, or how you overheard a couple arguing over the proper way to load a dishwasher, the very thing you had repeatedly bickered about as college roommates. 

And now that she was no longer in this life, you were constantly questioning your purpose, even occasionally wondering if you were meant to be alone. Was this what the universe had planned for you? You weren’t sure you believed in multiple soulmates, so what happened when yours left you?

If you miss me, just look at the stars. She would always sign the text with a ‘;)’ at the end and you would mock her with a scoff, replying with or I could just call you, dumbass. 

Without realizing, you were already bringing up your history of text messages with her, scrolling through the endless one-sided green texts, each decorated with a delivery error message. Your fingers were hovering over the keyboard while the pulsing blue line stared back at you.

“Where are you?” you were wailing out, wincing subsequently at the unexpected echo and crack in your voice. The thundering in the distance seemed to answer you, but you wished the stars were out so that you’d at least know she was watching over you. You couldn’t help but feel that the cloudy skies meant she couldn’t see you, or worse, look out for you. A droplet landed on your cheek and your eyelids fluttered shut at the feeling. You weren’t sure if they were your tears or hers.

It was the end of the week and you somehow found yourself making your way up the mountainous roads again, remembering coming home last time with extraordinary peace of mind despite the frazzled state you arrived in. You weren’t sure what it was, but it was pushing you to get out of the city once again. 

The air was noticeably cooler than it had been last week, and you were scanning your backseat for any signs of a sweater, sighing inwardly when you found none. It was warm when you left your office earlier in the evening and you mentally cursed at yourself for not checking the weather yet again. 

You contemplated staying in the car with the heat on, but a glimpse of your glowing fuel light had you rolling your eyes in disappointment for being so forgetful and inattentive on top of the countless other flaws you felt you carried. 

You were making your way toward the empty bench again, spotting the camper van in the same parking spot. You assumed it hadn’t moved since the last time you were here, most likely having been abandoned. There were considerably fewer clouds in the sky today and you beamed at the view of the small specks of white splattered against the darkness.

“Give me a sign that it’ll all be okay, please,” you spoke while eyeing the stars above you, some brighter than others. Your hair flew in the wind, draping across your face as goosebumps formed on your arms as you prepared to let the rest of your thoughts out. You didn’t remember closing your eyes, but the sound of footsteps approaching had you instinctively opening them and straightening your back and you suddenly felt a weight on your shoulders, gasping to find someone draping their flannel jacket over you.

“Sorry if I scared you,” he spoke against the wind. “You seemed cold.” A boy, now in a plain black shirt, was making his way around the other side of the bench to sit down next to you. He left considerable space between the two of you, which you were silently thankful for. 

You spun around to see where he had parked, not having noticed another car arrive and when you saw nothing but your own car and the camper van, you felt a chill run down your spine. Alarm bells should’ve been going off in your head, but you were seemingly more concerned with the fact that he had most likely seen you in your most vulnerable state, crying out into the open void like a lunatic, not only once, but twice now.

When he felt you staring, he turned his head only to briefly make eye contact with you before glancing back down at his lap. His skin was a pretty shade of olive, the tip of his nose illuminated by the hazy moonlight. You took in the rest of his appearance—worn sneakers with one of the laces untied, ripped jeans, and shaggy hair that covered his eyes, and you found yourself resisting the urge to run your fingers through his locks.

“Why do you keep coming here?” he was asking, picking his head up once more to look at you.

You weren’t so sure yourself. Maybe it was the fact that this was the only place where you didn’t have to pretend. You didn’t know if you wanted to talk to her, to yourself, or to the universe in general; you didn’t know if you wanted to scream or cry or sit in complete silence. All you knew was that after a particularly bad day at work, you were taking the exit off the highway without thinking, almost as if you had taken this same exit a hundred times before.

“I could ask you the same,” you chuckled. There was an awkward pause, and you were realizing that he wasn’t going to answer you.

“I’m here to u-uh, stargaze.” You were telling the truth, at least partially. 

“Stargazing’s not the best here, with the light pollution and all,” he replied. You hummed, unsure how to respond. He noticed your hesitation and was rubbing his palms against the black denim of his jeans before clearing his throat. 

“‘m Heeseung, by the way.” At first, Heeseung found himself slightly annoyed at the fact that you had disrupted his peace and not-so-secret hideout spot, observing you from his van while you mumbled to yourself on the bench. 

“I travel in my van, but ‘m running low on money.” He was rubbing the back of his neck, slightly embarrassed to admit the fact. “The parking here’s free, so…” he trailed off, regretting it immediately after stating the obvious. 

As he got a better look at your face up close, he saw that a small frown seemed semi-permanently etched on your face, which he could tell you were hopelessly attempting to correct as he studied you. A wave of guilt washed over him upon registration of his untimely intrusion, realizing that you would probably prefer to be alone right now due to the blatant evidence that you were pretending to look less dejected in front of him. 

You were briefly introducing yourself as someone new to the city, not knowing what else was interesting about you and accidentally slipping in the fact that you ‘didn’t really have any friends’, teeth chattering slightly even with his jacket resting over your frame. 

“Did you want to sit in my van instead?” Your frown was faltering when your lips parted in surprise at his request. He contemplated adding a lighthearted comment about not being a serial killer to reassure you, but you were already trailing behind him as he stood up. You could tell he was tall when his legs were stretched out next to yours while sat next on the bench, but he was even taller than you’d imagined when he was standing up, even with a slight hunch in his posture. 

Heeseung peered over his shoulder to catch you struggling to keep up with his longer strides, still clutching onto the collar of his jacket over your right shoulder and he let a soft smile adorn his face as he slowed his pace to match yours. He was rounding the front of his van to open the passenger side door for you but you were already cutting in front of him, hopping up on the door sill clumsily.

You let yourself into the passenger side, holding the jacket out to Heeseung who was still staring at you through the driver side window. He opened the door and pulled himself into the seat, reluctantly taking the jacket from you and tossing it on some unknown surface of the van behind him. 

He turned on the ceiling light of his van and began blasting the heat after noticing that you were sitting on the backs of your hands. His fingers were fiddling with the knobs on the CD player to turn on soft, lullaby-like piano music and you made a poor attempt at stifling a laugh. For some reason, you expected him to be into rock music and found the unexpected contrast endearing. 

Heeseung shot you a confused look at the sound and you simply shook your head and waved it off, a small smile still playing on your lips. You couldn’t put your finger on what it was, but you felt a strange sense of comfort in his presence.

For the first time that night, you were taking a closer look at his features. Underneath his bangs were eyes that carried both fervor and innocence and lips that were held in a constant, soft pout. He was chewing on his bottom lip, eyes darting around the space in front of him at the feeling of you staring at him so intently. He shook his head so that his bangs were falling over his eyes again in one swift movement before thinking of something to say to take your attention off his face.

“I dropped out of college when I was 18,” he was muttering, trying to gauge your reaction from his peripheral view before continuing. “And then I ran away from home to travel.” He was leaving out key details like the fact that he didn’t necessarily run away from home with the goal of traveling but instead began traveling because he simply had nowhere else to go. 

When he came home after his first semester with an official diagnosis from his university’s health center, his family refused to let him seek therapy or any other form of help. With a father who was never home and a mother who went as far as threatening to disown him if he didn’t return to school the following semester, Heeseung wasn’t left with much of a choice. 

You were surprised that he was even sharing this much with you. Your heart tightened at the thought of him being alone in the world at such a young age and his lack of a support system, seemingly more alone than you were. He was considerably better than you at concealing his loneliness and you hated that fact, not because you wanted to be better at it but because you knew just how much effort it took. 

Heeseung could barely remember what it was like to have his father around, the only seemingly harmonious moments spent with him before he started grade school fleeting and long forgotten. The bulk of his adolescence was spent resenting his father for the way he treated his mother, where his father would appear through the front door every few months or so in one of his drunken episodes, an empty bottle of liquor already in hand.

He almost always knew when it was happening, the rummaging through the cabinets and refrigerator for alcohol reverberating through the house and to his room. He couldn’t understand why his mother wouldn’t stop restocking the house with it or why she wouldn’t change the locks or take his father’s keys or even file for a divorce, and he couldn’t help but despise her weakness and inability to stop pitying her husband.

“Look who decided to finally show up for his mother,” the older man seethed, breath reeking from the drunken stench.

A particularly loud argument had Heeseung flying down the stairs, the sound of a glass bottle breaking causing his mother to let a scream out of her mouth. He took in his father’s appearance, unshaven and eyes bloodshot with a lazy smirk playing on his lips. A look off to the side at his mother with tears streaming down her cheeks was suddenly leading to punches being thrown and knuckles growing bloodied. A harsh shove from his father caused him to lose his balance and tumble onto the wooden floor.

“Maybe ask yourself why you’re defending a fucking cheater instead,” his voice boomed through the living room. A puzzled expression took over Heeseung’s face as he turned toward his mother who winced both at the sound of her husband slamming the door as he left and the way her son ran his tongue over his busted lip, eyes beginning to gloss over.

After finally grasping the fact that his mother was not the person she made herself out to be and what pushed his father over the edge over ten years ago, Heeseung, who had always stuck close to her growing up, attempting to make up for the lack of his father’s presence, began growing increasingly distant from her as he finished his final years of high school. The very thing he swore he wouldn’t touch in his life was the only thing he took with him and stashed in his van the night he left.

He was wrapping his hand around the nearly empty beer can in his cup holder from the thought of his childhood memories and shooting a pained expression your way at the paled look on your face, eyes pooling with concern and he tried to perceive it as anything but pity.

“I honestly don’t mind it much,” he was saying, but an unfamiliar look was flashing across his eyes and even though you barely knew him, you felt like you could see right through him.

He was redirecting his gaze out the windshield. He had used the North Star almost as a source of direction in his travels for the past few years, as cliche as it sounded. Tonight was the first night it was visible in the two weeks he had been parked here, deciding to camp out in the deserted park until it reappeared and he had saved enough money from his part-time job in the city. 

The North Star appeared noticeably brighter tonight, a beacon in the middle of the night shrouded in shadows and Heeseung was suddenly wondering whether it was a coincidence that you were here with him at this very moment, whether you were the very person who hung the North Star for him in the night sky, guiding him toward a purposeful destination, or whether you were the destination itself. He was shaking his head at the intrusive thought as you followed his line of sight.

The heat blowing throughout the van was fogging up the windows and blocking up your view of what he seemed to be focusing his gaze on. Heeseung watched as you turned in your seat, moving your body to face the passenger window with one leg folded up on the cushion. You were bringing your fingers up to touch the glass, slowly drawing a heart with your index finger and peering through the clear traces at the sky.

Heeseung, nowhere near intoxicated from his built up tolerance over the years, took one last sip of his drink, still not taking his eyes away from your side profile and subtle movements as you immersed yourself in your own world for the second time that night. He was turning to his own window to mirror your actions, outlining a much sloppier heart on the glass. By the time he finished and spun around to face you, you were already watching him with a beam, the apples of your cheeks rosy. 

You were suddenly bursting into laughter, your brain on autopilot as you leaned over the center console to fix his drawing. You were practically pushed up against him with your hand resting on his thigh as you drew over his sketch on the window, adding a dozen more hearts around the first and filling up the rest of the fogged glass with your doodles. Heeseung was noticeably stiffening under you, attempting to distract himself from his quickening heart rate by picking at the fraying of his jeans on the leg you weren’t perched on.

You leaned back to admire your silly artwork for a few seconds before glancing over at him and noticing Heeseung’s eyelashes fluttering delicately, still reeling from the sudden physical contact. Upon noticing the close proximity, you were removing your hand from his lap and bringing it back into your own, leaning into the seat again and you could feel the heat evident on your face, knowing it must’ve been even more apparent to him. He was no better at concealing his own expressions as his sheepish smile faltered, feeling abnormally disappointed in the sudden loss of contact.

Still in a daze, Heeseung was reaching behind him to grab a can of beer, holding it out in front of you while his eyes were trained on the single heart drawn on the passenger side window. He held back a grimace as he realized that he’d done so without thinking, hoping you hadn’t caught on to his dependency. You accepted his offer without hesitation, wiping the rim of the opening with the bottom of your shirt and popping open the tab, taking gulps at a much faster speed than you were normally used to.

Your head was still spinning with the thought and feeling of the burn of your fingertips against his thigh. You both drifted into a comfortable silence, the music no longer playing since the CD player in his rundown van didn’t have the ability to auto loop tracks or albums and the hammering of his heart against his chest seemed almost too loud for you not to notice. Heeseung thought about taking out the disk and replacing it but decided against it, not wanting to disrupt the stillness of the air around you. 

Your lips formed a small frown as you saw clouds beginning to shape. You thought it was the alcohol deceiving you, but you blinked a few times and the clouds were still there. 

“I hate the rain because it means I can’t see her. It makes me think that she’s crying,” you suddenly whispered, breaking the silence. You could feel his gaze fall to you as he fell out of his trance, but he didn’t ask who, just simply nodded. 

His reaction made you freeze in your spot, realizing you had most definitely overshared beyond an imaginary boundary. You almost wanted to apologize for it before you were saying the next thing that came to your mind. 

“Have you ever fallen in love?” you were abruptly blurting out.

He was quirking his brow in amusement. “Come on, I can barely fall asleep,” he laughed softly but not without a somewhat pained expression behind his eyes. You had assumed it was a joke, but the sincerity in the way he observed you told you it wasn’t. Your eyes widened before you were nodding softly and returning a weak smile, taken aback by his confession.

“Don’t worry about it,” he was brushing it off. “You?”

You were staring out the windshield again for a few moments, lost in your thoughts before responding, “A lot of unrequited love, if that counts.”

You began to explain how you had never been in a relationship, not because you didn’t want to, but because it was seemingly out of your control. You presumed that the time you spent on this earth loving romantically without any reciprocation had somehow altered your brain chemistry to truly believe that you were meant to be alone from the very beginning, and you were often wondering which would hurt more, to have had true love and lost it or to never have had it at all. Dwelling over the fact that you had already experienced some form of both made your situation seem all the more ridiculous.

It didn’t go unnoticed by him the way you were flighty in your thoughts, jumping to one without finishing the other. As a result of the accumulation of thoughts you created when you were alone, all the things you would talk to yourself about came spilling out. 

Your mind went on talking even when you were alone. And when you ran out of storage, the thoughts needed to come out somehow. Partly due to your insecurities you hoped that by talking more, you’d be accepted and loved by someone—it hadn’t proved itself to be a successful method in the past and you weren’t sure it ever would be.

“I give, and give, and give. That’s all I do,” you continued, your voice now uneven and trembling slightly. “I give until I have nothing left. I’m terrified of the love I have because I know it will ruin me—it already has, and I know I will continue to let it.”

You were heaving out a sigh of relief at the massive weight being lifted off your chest, still feeling a sort of emptiness but a strangely pleasant lightness associated with it. Even then, you were perplexed by your own eagerness to share your entire life story to someone you met just hours ago, partially blaming the alcohol for how unfiltered you became and you couldn’t tell what Heeseung was thinking from the stoic look on his face and his big doe eyes blinking back at you.

It most definitely wasn’t a feeling of pity, that he knew. It felt almost like a weakness in the heart—like his heart wasn’t working properly—a fleeting lightness that passed through him, being simultaneously lulled to sleep by a single gesture and set on fire by your every touch. 

Your eyes were glossed over, from your lengthy outpour or intoxicated state Heeseung wasn’t certain, but he held not a single ounce of doubt of the amount of love you held. Unsure of what came over him, he was resisting the urge to lean over and cup the sides of your face and tell you that even in his broken, wretched state, he was willing to accept anything you had to give and return everything and more.

“It’s really late. I can drive you home,” he was offering. He convinced you he was sobering up with a lazy smile plastered on his face, yet you couldn’t help raising your brows at the slight flush of his cheeks and numerous empty beer cans in the cup holder.

“I think I’d rather stay here,” you were speaking nonchalantly before turning to look at him with what Heeseung thought he saw were literal stars in your otherwise cloudy eyes. At the implication of your words, he could feel and hear his heart beating at a pace so fast it rang through his ears. As much of an open book as you were, he didn’t expect that from you and you even stunned yourself as the words left you, mouth now agape as you stared back at him. 

You wanted to blame your lack of sobriety yet again but you knew that the flood of emotions had put your mind in a remarkable state of clarity. His calmness—how he listened and watched attentively without any questions, just simply looking at you with a fondness in his eyes—fastened you with a sense of immense trust in him.

Thankfully, he was quickly nodding and turning around to turn on the lights that lit up the rest of his van. In contrast to his somewhat rugged appearance, his space was neat and cozy and it amazed you how few belongings he had; everything fit in his van and there was almost no clutter. The only hint of personality and life you could find was the guitar hanging over the bed, and you were smiling to yourself knowing he at least had music to accompany him. 

Heeseung had suggested cooking some ramen for you, but you simply shook your head with a sleepy smile and told him you weren’t hungry. He didn’t say anything as he clambered on top of his sheets and patted the spot next to him. There wasn’t much space in the van for anything other than a bed and a small stovetop and you were skeptical there would be enough room for you to both lay comfortably. 

You fit yourself on the mattress between him and the back door while he crawled under the covers, pushing his pillow toward you behind your back and grabbing an extra one from beneath the bed for himself. You were still sat leaning against the side of the van as you contemplated your next move, wondering whether you should prioritize comfort or decency and you squirmed at the thought of your dirty jeans on someone else’s sheets.

A brief glance at Heeseung, who was lying on his back with his eyes closed and hands resting over his stomach, had you quickly tucking yourself under the blankets and unzipping your jeans, pulling them down and kicking them over your ankles. You were shuffling downward and placing the now folded jeans beside your pillow, facing away from Heeseung as you pulled the covers up to your chest.

You couldn’t tell but Heeseung had visibly stiffened, eyebrows now slightly furrowed in concentration as he attempted to fall asleep, willing himself to think about anything other than you and your presence inches away from him. He was staring at the ceiling, breath uneven at how you were so similar in the way you craved connection yet different in the sources of your troubles and the way you coped—one capable of giving anything and one who didn’t know how to give at all. 

You felt the bed dip and you could hear Heeseung shuffling around behind you, his heavy breathing against your neck telling you he was now facing you, and still lying on your side when you felt his fingers graze across your hip bone. 

The heat radiating off his body behind you was seeping into your own skin, slowly building into a burn before you were flipping yourself over to face him and immediately thrown off by just how close he was. A slight lean forward from either of you would close the gap, and your eyes were unconsciously flickering down to his lips at the thought.

You were pulling yourself flush against him, savoring the feeling of your bodies pressed so closely together, resting your head in the crook of his neck and he let out a sharp gasp from above you. You could feel his heart beating underneath your palms as you moved your hands across the expanse of his chest. A slight crane of your neck and you were tentatively placing your lips against his jaw, a shaky breath of Heeseung’s fanning your face from the action.

As your kisses moved from his jaw down to his neck, his mouth was parting softly, lifting his head into the pillow to provide you with more access. One particularly harsh suck against his collarbone had him surging forward for more, latching onto the hem of your shirt and fingers hesitantly grazing the waistband of your underwear. 

Heeseung was then leaning forward onto his elbows, the hand that was previously slotted between your bodies wrapping around your shoulder to pull you up and level to him, bringing you into a gentle kiss that caused the hairs on your arms to raise.

It overwhelmed you how thrilling yet calming it felt to be kissing him. You were completely drinking him in, the touch of his skin against yours heating up the pits of your stomach and causing shivers to wrack through you and simultaneously taking your mind off of everything else.

He was gentle with his touch, but his lips were rough and chapped and he was kissing you with so much longing and desperation that for a second, you contemplated whether this was his first time kissing someone, craving any and every bit of physical contact. You quickly dismissed the thought as he took advantage of your inattentiveness with a swipe of his tongue against your bottom lip, your lips parting slightly, allowing him to slip his tongue into your mouth skillfully.

Your stomach churned and you were writhing under his touch from the way your tongues intertwined, a pit of heat rising in your lower stomach. Heeseung was letting out a choked whimper at the feeling of your hands reaching underneath his shirt, smoothing over the skin of his stomach. 

“You okay?” you were whispering as you pulled back, hands coming up to cup his cheeks. He held your gaze for a few seconds, both delicacy and sharpness etched in his features, before his lashes fluttered and he was shaking his head, burying it in your neck. Your hands were sliding along his scalp to soothingly stroke his hair, heart aching at the vulnerability and rawness with which he looked at you. 

It wasn’t clear whether the cause of his feverish state was from the simple presence of you in his arms, but something told you that you should’ve seen it coming when the way he looked at you gradually began changing as the hours progressed.

You were pulling back and placing one last, soft kiss against his lips, lingering for a few moments too long before wrapping your arms around his torso in a tight embrace and rubbing his back gingerly. 

Heeseung was redirecting his attention out at the sky through the back window, foolishly looking for you and him in the stars. Some stars gradually dim and lose their luster, and on a rainy night, you might never see them again. 

You weren’t thinking about what would happen when the stars faded and the sun rose, or when you would see him again—you didn’t need to see him or be physically near him to feel him. Your subconscious was finding comfort simply from the feeling of his chest pressed against yours, your thumb rubbing circles over his shirt while you listened to Heeseung's soft breathing and the sound of the rain beginning to fall against the windows.

A/N: the bolded quote is based on something I saw on twitter: “I’m scared of the love I have for you. Because I know it will ruin me. And I also know that I will let it. I love hard.” but I couldn’t find the source, so credits to the original owner.

[ellaa-writes]

Henlo!! I just saw ur doctor/medic reader story and i feel like they would all want to hear the absolute crazy cases and gossip from reader

Im a student and i work in a large hospital/shadowing some doctors aswell and someday’s these crazy things happen randomly. In the least expected ways. From getting a sudden code stroke to seeing 🪱🪱on body parts to hospital staffs gossips in the med room. Its so random sometimes.

Imagine doctor reader casually telling the time she caught so and so cheating in an empty room in between 2 codes. And shes so chill about it like shes seen and heard enough but the Kortac officers r eating it up like listening to Nurse John’s podcasts😂

Reader: yk this reminds me of the time i did my trauma rotation in—

Konig: wait! Let me get my snacks and tea👀☕️

Hello!! Thank you <3 This is so silly I love it. Decided to have fun with it. It's kinda gross but hey that's what happens. Lol.

It's going to be a rough day, you thought. Not even 2 hours into your shift you had two concussed idiots sitting in your waiting room. This is gonna be a long one, you started at noon and won't be done till 4am the next morning.

Clutching your coffee you prayed for a miracle, an alien ship or a metor. Either one would do.

Later that evening, specifically dinner time. You were the last to arrive, having to help hold down a patient as another medic stitched up a gash on his forehead.

"I know, I know." you said as you sat you lunch down in front of your chair. Running off to grab a much needed coffee. It was your turn for the over night shift. It wasn't a bad shift, just babysitting the wounded soldiers that are currently being held. Coming back and setting yourself into your spot, digging into your food without a cause to the wind.

"You guys won't believe my day." you started off, slurping down your heart spaghetti. "Some rookies decided to play chicken and now they both have a concussion. And one probably memory loss. Couldn't even tell me his name." you shook your head, recalling the incident. "Than Hutch came in, complaining that he can feel worms crawling in him. I had to explain four times to that dense mother fucker that worms can not survive stomach acid." you stopped to take a big gulp of coffee. "But he wouldn't listen, said it wasn't in his stomach but inside his skin. Ran some blood tests and no hallucinogenic. But he could have fooled me." you didn't realise you were blabbing until you looked up from your plate to see a few of your team members surpressing their laughs.

"What?" you asked, mouth full of spaghetti. "Why don't you chew a bit more." one of them offered. Making the other laugh, "Oh fuck off." you spat. "Anyways, had to give Hutch an xray just to prove there's no damn worms in him." you explained.

"An xray? Does that-" you cut them off. "No, not at all. But it shut him up." they all bursted out laughing. "It reminds me of a patient I had back at the ER. Complaining about his ass itching. The other nurses weren't taking him seriously. Just sent him to the bathroom with some baby wipes." you stopped abruptly, this might not be a good dinner story.

"Oh come on Katze, don't get all shy on us now." König said, you didn't even notice he was there. You also didn't notice the rest of the mess hall getting quiet to listen to your story.

"Oh, well we're eating." you tried to explain but was met with loud booing. "Fine, fine." you yelled back. Wiping your mouth, your food finished, you pushed the tray away from you.

"Ok, so they sent him to the bathroom and he came back later saying he can still feel them."

"Them?" Horangi interrupted, and was followed by shushing. "Damn, sorry. Continue." he slinked back into his chair.

" So they put him in a room, told him to strip from the waist down. Another trainee and myself were assigned to this case along with a RN. She had him lay on the side has she spread his ass cheeks. Like you would a child." you stopped from dramatic affect. Watching as your tream and the rest of mess hall looked on in anticipation.

"We saw nothing. So she took a swab, had me spread this grown man's cheeks as she inserted it into the recum, shoveling out what ever was in side. Still nothing." a few people got up and left and others choking back a gag.

"She wet had him pop a squat over the trash can and cough. Sure enough a worm came shooting out. So did some green chunks, thankfully they were just some cucumbers. Guess the guy stole a cucumber from his neighbors garden not knowing it was infested with worms. He shoved the thing right up and it broke. He was like that for 2 weeks, worms up the ass. Still not the craziest thing I experienced, let me tell your that." you reached for your tray, but König took it for your instead.

"A cucumber up the ass?" Horangi asked. "I've seen people shove all sorts of thing up their butt. Idk what it is or why but it's way to common." you threw your finished coffee cup in the trash.

"Sorry I gotta get back. The results for mister chicken should be in by now." you said you goodbyes and waved to others, rushing out of the lunch hall.

"What a women." König said, hearts in his eyes.

[themyscirah]

Jess? Or Hal? For the ask game (And if you've done both of them, just pick your favorite super)

I haven't done either yet! I'll do Hal in this post and maybe Jess in another after this

Tw for canonical past suicide for later in the post (skip the story idea section)

First impression:

My real first encounter with him was probably as a guest appearance within Green Lanterns, but the first book I read with him was GL/GA. I don't remember too much of what I thought of him there, it was probably more of a general "oh he seems cool I guess" kind of neutral/positive attitude. By the time I read a Hal comic I'd already met Simon, Jess, and Jo so he wasn't a contender for the spot of my favorite lantern. I never fully finished GL/GA though bc I had the book on loan

Impression now:

Mixed. There are some Hal moments I genuinely do love and like, but tbh he can get on my nerves very easily. Of the Earth lanterns he's either my least or next to least favorite (which doesn't mean I don't like him!) but he's also like the "main character" of GL so I get annoyed when I feel like other GLs are being ignored in favor of Hal.

Favorite moment:

With that said there are sooooooo many Hal moments I just love. He's very much a character made by specific moments for me (rather than a general appreciation of who he is overall). Some Swishy fave contenders include his "Avenge me" internal monologue when he fights Mongul in GL (1990) #46, and OFC the Emerald Twilight arc a few issues later. Also in the very first issue of that book, where he jumps off a cliff in front of some campers (waiting until the last moment before using his ring) was an important moment for me in reading Hal, because it was the first time I went "oh! This guy is crazy!"

Idea for a story:

An exploration of the fact that Hal literally killed himself on panel in GL (2011) #19. Because like what the hell, why did this happen and then NO ONE EVER TALKED ABOUT IT. (This is insane to me). I think I'd probably revisit it in a dream sequence, maaaybe doing a rewrite/reimagining of his Knight Terrors issue (which I have NOT read lol) to kind of address that and talk about his mental state and things that had an impact on that, stuff like his parents, the Guardians, PARALLAX. Basically it'd be Hal and the ghost of Tomar-Re just talking about how he is not okay. A pretty heavy response to a pretty heavy topic.

Unpopular opinion:

I'm going to be so real here like 95% of my Hal opinions are unpopular bc its just me talking about how I think he's overrated. Like we're bros ig but still. Overrated.

Like I LIKE him but I'm annoyed at him like 80% of the time bc DC is always putting out a mid story focusing on him while ignoring my faves WHO ARE SO COOL AND DESERVE STORIES 😤💔😭

I guess one beyond that is I'm not a fan of his friendship with Barry. Maybe this is just because I haven't read anything where they're like... interesting? But I just don't get the hype. ESPECIALLY compared to his relationship with Oliver which is absolutely insane in comparison. Like why are we talking abt Barry rn when OLLIE LITERALLY SHOT HAL AND HAL RESSURECTED OLLIE. like guys. Guys. Are you seeing this shit.

Favorite relationship:

Like ship wise? I'm not a huge Halcarol fan personally but I do think they're kind of the epitome of "you're perfect for each other. Never involve anyone else in what you have going on," kind of messy drama-filled relationship with a lot of history.

I also really like halollie and their relationship but not in like a "they should date" way or anything like that. Like they're bros to me who emotionally have a whole complicated little thing going on like idk

Within the lanterns I think the frenemy whatever thing Guy and Hal do is SO funny. I love especially the beginning of GL (1990) where Guy just in his free time shows up to ruin Hal's life while Hal is just so sick and done and mad about it. Peak comedy, Guy never change

Fave headcanon:

Do I have any headcanons about Hal? Not really. I try to think about him as little as possible (kidding). No um I'd say I don't really have any, and if I did they'd probably be really basic or smth like that he cries watching both Top Gun movies.

[logarithmicpanda]

The Magicians - Lev Grossman

So I just finished rereading The Magicians. It has been years. I’m pretty sure I read it for the first time a bit before 2014. I vaguely remembered major plot points, and having a conflicted opinion on it, and that still very much holds, but I don’t regret rereading it.

Let’s start with the bad:

Women - like most of the characters - are treated through the lenses of Quentin’s perception of them. This makes them belong to one of three categories: - mother figures, good only to cater to Q’s emotional needs - objects of desire, often to be denied but not that often, considering Q has literally nothing to offer as a person lmao - or unfuckable therefore unnoticeable. I swear every description of a female character stated if she was hot. At least one adjective was applied to her boobs. Men are barely described at all, which is funny given that Q quite literally is a disaster bisexual (derogatory). He watches one of his bros give someone a blow job, and feels vaguely offended said bro didn’t come to him if he wanted to suck dick. Later on, it is heavily implied that Q has a threesome with that bro and a girl, but the only explicitly mentioned part is the sex with the girl. In general, queer characters are given a weird treatment. Also I’m definitely too ace to relate to the amount of (thankfully not dwell on) sex in this book.

Anyway, Q’s character in general is pretty much irredeemable to me lol. He is so self centered he never understands why anyone is pissed off at him, keeps whining that he is a poor, misunderstood geek, and still has sex with two different women that are both smart and hot, plus is propositioned by at least one other. What they all see in him is beyond me. He cheats on his girlfriend and she stills care more about taking care of him than her own safety (even if she gets some amount of revenge sleeping with a guy he hates). There’s also some degree of albeism in the books, mostly implied, never quite touched on.

Wow, you might think. What can I possibly like about this book after all this?

Well, conceptually it does a lot of things I adore. It goes back on classic portal fantasy tropes and play on what happens when people are sent back home. Most of the main plot is about a boy who became a monster so he never had to go home again. There’s a whole deconstruction of the notion that there is a singular thing that will save you from depression. Q keeps running after things, thinking that they will make him happy for good, and is explicitly called out for this attitude. That’s probably the main way in which I find some positive sentiment towards him. I used to believe that, too. That I would magically find the one thing that would fix me.

The magic system is deep and interesting. It focuses on the amount of work that goes into it, how not fun it is, and I find that to be a cool take. It still allows the characters to do amazing things, and there’s some degree of unknown to it, which I love in magic systems. The “world between world” they use to go to their portal realm is well done, with that same balance of rationality and wonder. It feels mysterious, yet makes sense.

Beyond these things, there is a whole portrayal of the kind of dread you’re faced with when you do “higher studies” and pour all your mind into an endeavor that by very definition ends, leaving you stranded and emotionally stunted.

I’m getting rambly, but I think I highlighted the main aspects I love and hate in this book. I’ll pick the second one in coming months. I’m sure I will feel equally elated and enraged. Somehow, that tension creates a lot of emulsion in my own creative process, and I intend to milk it for all its worth lol

[canarydarity]

Woke up to someone sending me rancher angst this morning and so this is how I'm dealing with that. This is from a fic that I'll probably never finish,,,it was just another version of team rancher dl with an interpretation of the canary curse. The parts that I actually wrote aren't really long enough to post on ao3, so have this beginning section here and then maybe sometime i'll post the later part.

(this is actually the first thing I wrote for them, even before any of the other stuff posted on ao3,,and I think that is. evident. so. apologies)

There was an odd little bird staring down at him when he came to, the sun’s position behind it making its already yellow feathers blinding. Jimmy didn’t move at first. He stared up at the bird, at the gaps in the branches that gave way to blue sky; he spread his hands flat on the grass, curling his fingers into it, cataloging the smell of the dirt and the feeling of the breeze.

It should have been a peaceful moment. 

The bird whistled a song at him. Jimmy watched it hop this way and that along the branch, staring just as intently at Jimmy as he was at it. 

There was a rustle of leaves somewhere to the left of where he lay, a thump, and a soft "oof."

Right. 

Jimmy could feel his communicator buzzing continuously as everyone reacted to the most recent notification in the chat.

[Tango was blown up by Creeper.

SolidarityGaming died]

Sighing, he scrolled through the messages. 

[Grian wonder who is paired

Smallishbeans lol

Tango Noooooooooo

InTheLittleWood that’s gonna be an awkward chat at spawn LOL]

Jimmy heard some grumbling, the telltale crunch of leaves. “Noooooo, no no no, oh no,” Tango crooned. 

He sat up and turned his head to the left, looking for his soulmate. There was a quick flash of red through a break in the trees. 

“What happened, Tango?!” He called out. 

He watched Tango backtrack and circle around to where Jimmy was still sitting on the ground. 

“You’re here?! Right, because we’re linked, you died too—oh I’m so sorry…” Tango dropped his head into his hands for a second, then changed his mind and resorted to running them through his hair instead. Like the bird's feathers, the sun had a peculiar effect on his coloring; it also made Tango’s blonde hair blinding, but something about it—the texture, maybe the different shades—made it look aflame. He looked again at Jimmy, a bit bashfully. “Hi, hi!” 

Despite himself, Jimmy almost laughed. The entire situation was, for obvious reasons, less than ideal—but there was something pleasing about it as well. Something about Tango’s charming embarrassment, or the reassurance that he actually had a soulmate. Not that he'd really doubted it; there were fourteen of them, he knew that math—seven pairs. Maybe it was something Joel said when he’d hit him and Jimmy told him to stop, told him he was going to piss off his soulmate. Nah, you probably don’t have one, Jimmy, let’s be honest. Or the way everyone else had gone god, I hope it’s not Jimmy when talking about their own bond. 

But he was here, now, with Tango. And, though he shouldn’t, a small part of him rejoiced that at least it wasn’t him who’d gotten them first. 

Jimmy smiled and shook his head, “alright, take me through it, what’s happened there?”

And when all was said and done and they decided to head off in search of their things and then meet back at spawn, Jimmy stopped to look back at the yellow bird, still whistling its strange song. It was odd; it was just a bird, singing as they often do, but he could’ve sworn it sounded almost sad. 

Tango called his name, questioning the holdup. 

“‘s just a bird,” Jimmy said, gesturing with the wooden pickaxe he’d made while they were planning where to go from there. 

“Aww,” Tango said, taking in their audience. “That’s a canary, I think.” 

Jimmy hummed his agreement, and then turned to follow his soulmate.

[spikeinthepunch]

okayyy i finished the new ending in Lisa the Joyful so yeah, heres another long Lisa post. this will more so have a short list of what i did and didnt like of the game since i know opinions are often mixed. but ill have a long focus talking about the new content compared to the rest of the game. and will later go on about characterization and writing in detail.

Also while you can find a no commentary video for the new ending, almost all uploads skip an earlier portion of it, so I uploaded it myself! with timestamps.

TW for uhh the same triggers- sexual, physical, verbal abuse mostly.

SO OKAY. Okay.

The brief on the main game....

What I did like:

I like the general story. I enjoyed the horror of watching more and more joy mutants arriving, even some of the warlords being joy mutants already, and normal characters like the uhh shelf vendor guy being a mutant. additionally things like wearing a mask mattering. i think it was important to too still have some weirdos bc thats one of the key things in displaying the cycle of these men's behavior. music always good too of course. i enjoy Buddy's internal conflict too and i dont mind here characterization-- its just the pacing. I actually liked the epilogues a bit more than what the endings actually told us lol... tbh they carry more weight in terms of giving us information about the past. But the ones that hit hardest are the ones where Lisa tells Buzzo to mutilate her so her father wont want her anyways. and the one with Brad's father forcing him to drink alcohol and go with him to lisa's room (to presumedly watch his father abuse lisa).

What i didn't like:

the "original" endings (not the new definitive one) were weak and i am sure most feel that way. I think actually the issue for me is the choice... cuz playing with joy? well i think the "stay with them" makes sense as she gets more fucked up and unstable (and assume addicted). the joyless route makes me feel like i should fittingly take the "leave them" ending bc she is mentally aware enough to know she still hates what happened to her and wants to leave them behind. the choices of them feel conflicting to the routes you might choose but you dont think about it bc there is no consequence to taking joy! the pacing of course is a big complaint. cuz see i dont think the story or writing is horrible i just think it needed to be longer in order to expand on all those things rushed through. the ideas would feel good if the pacing didnt speed through it. the Yado epilogue is fine too but i think just left more questions than answers than the endings themself so i would have rather done without it imo.

As stated i will go WAY more into the characters after I talk about this new stuff. I will talk heavily about what happens in it too so feel free to read this later if you dont watch it... but you really should look at the new Painful and Joyful content as they also kinda go together.

NEW CONTENT..... kind of new ending, it plays directly into it. Unlike Painful where it doesnt alter the actual ending content. and i will go over the normal endings a bit more in relation to this bc of how it affects pacing etc...

So On one hand I like what it added and on the other hand it wasnt great-- which all plays into the games already existing pacing issues. Which is a shame. i liked collecting the items, the meaning of the statues (n the dialog being the same as the Painful one), and the exploration leading up to the warlord fight. I chose not to fight the warlords because they were so damn strong and I like that there was recognition for not fighting back. Idk if i feel like there was a good reason for them to be there but I think it at least gives more meaning to the warlords since they didnt DO that much in the game other than to be killed. Most had barely anything to say.

For the bigger Secret at the grave for Lisa-- I liked this a lot too actually. Getting to hear from the guys their thoughts about Buddy that is from the assumed context theyre already dead here (w how Sticky's death is mentioned esp) is just kinda nice. The further content with Berny and Dusty, where Berny tells him to fight harder and to treat girls with aggression.... yeah that hits. The cycle of abuse really just continues huh. The rest of it is fine, I feel like it does give some better commentary on character's thoughts but it is quite short, and is left on a more metaphorical note with the flowering skull and whatnot.

Now is the part I see more conflict on AGAIN and I dont blame people for being conflicted about it. I didnt mind the way Buzzo talked about Brad in the original-- I dont think that writing was an actual excuse to Brad, I think it was just Buzzo trying to blame himself instead for everything (the new contents dialog with the sticky/rick/cheeks also had good to say on Brad's behavior and not excusing it but talking about the abuse of drugs in the context of that). I did feel that the conversation wasnt enough in the original though, to fully imply that he was talking like that or to give a better conversation on drug abuse. Buuut here we are w the extended new dialog with Buzzo. I did like how he started getting more depressed and angsty about Lisa! And the comment "she would have loved it here" is interesting bc i feel the implication is that she would have loved being in a world where all these men are now gone. but let me move onto the rest bc like, that matters the most here.

woof okay. So Buddy goes off when Buzzo says that which i get. However this conversation falters in the same way the whole game does. Buddy gets a LOT of talking time here. And she kind of keeps going in a way that really doesnt feel plausible you know? The new stuff added more connection between her and Lisa but its not enough to make us think she should be defending Lisa. I think there couldve been a neat exploration of all this comparing to Lisa but Joyful doesnt have that time. While I cant claim it, Buddy's rant kiiinda feels like a rant from behind the scenes with how less in character it feels. Buzzo is made far more pathetic and I don't disagree with this realization that he'd dissolve into a little pathetic man, again the game just doesnt have the time to make it work better.

and dont even get me started on Buddy's inconsistent opinion on Brad... this is like, annoying and I mentioned it in relation to the ending choices. After this new dialog rant Buddy sounds like she is forgiving Brad/coming to realize things about him that gives her more understanding. And i think that is fine BUT the issue is that right after talking to Buzzo the game returns as normal and when she sees mutant Brad approach, she reacts with genuine upset at seeing him and comments how she never wanted to see him again :/

I know at this point there is no way they could have "salvaged" Joyful for this release-- that would be too much and I dont think itd be right to get rid of the old endings entirely (Painful didnt, nor did the new content change anything about it). Its a shame- some of it was good. some of it i think they just shouldnt have done (the end buzzo fight) because it just conflicted more/kind of highlights the pacing problems. if anything i think leaving out that buzzo rant would have made the rest of that feel like it did help the pacing because it gave a pause between the ending of the game. anyways.

CHARACTERIZATIONNNN

righto. i think i covered pacing enough so i will try and leave that out of every comment i make here lol.

So like, I dont have a problem with Buddy's intentions in the game exactly. Her actions in many ways make sense... at least I would say that its fine she is very violent. That is literally the main thing Brad taught her whether or not you look at the start scene of Joyful, it reflects in how she would always be told how dangerous the world is too. The pace of course, makes this all happen so fast.

And of course the biggest hit that I think turns off many is how much talking there is. I certainly love hearing more from characters, Brad was quiet because he was brad, yet no one else needs to be quiet too so i think thats fine. But with Buddy's life it seems like she should have been quiet until her mental state and mindset shifted due to her treatment and justification of violence. even in Painful she seems relatively quiet and Joyful takes place right after pretty much.

In terms of others-- Rando is fine, like hes not that bad. We didn't know him all to well and what we know of Dusty i expected him to be a nice kid, esp w the whole adopted thing. But his back and forth with Buddy was more annoying w how short the game was (doing things, wanting to run to the other place and being stopped for a scene at the campfire by force. repeat.) I did like the whole deal with his friends and later his death too. Buzzo so i dont completely hate buzzo minus the fast jump in the new content. but he was pretty unhinged in Painful and to see it completely drop seemed wrong. i do think it make sense he probably felt loads of guilt for brad... but we just again, didnt get enough time with these characters.

Other characters? Well i mentioned it above but the warlords did NOT get much of any character. Which sucks bc if those parts alone had been extended (their area being longer or more full of interactions) i think it would have helped the game too. In terms of the other antagonist, Bolo, considering he was new for this game I think he was just fine. His role was small in a good way and honestly when he did appear it was for good moments that worked. The whole scene with him, Rando, and Buddy where Buddy tries to save Rando was probably my favorite part lol? Simply bc i think it worked well for all of their characters. For all of them I think it was my favorite moment of characterization-- Buddy's choices to drop or hold him both work for her i think. And yikes, disgusting moment with Bolo. And I will be real, I think Joyful needed that. The game was short so i wouldnt have wanted more but, Painful had it uncomfortable and gross moments and I think that is important to an extent of really pushing the importance of narrative and experiences of Buddy (and reflecting Lisa).

uhhhhh yeah i think thats most of what I can say. iirc i wasnt around for the old kickstarter but Joyful was a stretch goal right? and i heard Austin isnt exactly happy with it either? its really really a shame that it was a stretch goal that felt forced. I get why it was a tempting goal for people but.... it just sucks bc its clear that is why this game turned out the way it did. i wonder often if him not doing much else with the series is simply bc joyful had to be the "conclusion" and its not one hes exactly happy with either. tbh the series could have just been Painful and it would be fine. but if Joyful wasnt a DLC i imagine it would have been likely we'd see a full fledged sequel instead and it sucks it had to go that way. i definitely dont hate the creator for it but itsucks for everyone that even the additions in Definitive cant fix what happened already with that game.

[carnis-insanis]

I've never read lolita, but why are people thinking it's subtle?? Isn't the whole book about "hey, CSA is a horrible thing" but from the perpective of the abuser?

Well, it’s a tiny bit complicated

Lolita is a book written to make the audience think that humbert Humbert is a real person - it’s kinda like a mockumentary, this is Humbert writing from prison trying to make people feel bad for him and sympathize with people who are attracted to children

The thing is, that the book is written in a very flowery language, the first thing that Humbert Humbert says is “light of my life, fire of my loins” and it’s a classic quote for a reason, it’s written beautifully and the way that he talks about Dolores is very pretty and poetic and lovely in every shape and form, but that’s done to sugar-coat the terrible things he had done to her, but people try to ignore that because of how beautifully he admits to ruining her life

The way people talk about this book had me thinking that it’s a subtle story, but it really is not - not only in the beginning of a book we get a disclaimer from the fake personalities that helped Humbert finish this book, where they warn us that they had to cut out a lot of sexual content depicting crimes but they left it as an implication

The first few chapters is Humbert Humbert talking about his childhood lover, a girl with an appropriate age gap that he failed to have sex with before her death, he blames his depravity on that fact and in the next chapters he admits to creeping on little girls in gardens and then violating underage/illegal prostitutes - but anytime he does it he gives up at least 5 excuses

Humbert knows that what he’s doing is wrong, but he’s trying to use sympathy and poetry to make people sympathetic towards him. There’s a scene in the early book where he begins to describe very disgusting fantasies, but before he does so he says similar to “I bet you’re imagining me foaming at the mouth as I say this but I’m not, I’m just simply trying to make you see from my perspective” but later on he pauses describing his fantasy to talk about just how horny he got from the idea

I genuinely think that people who think that the story is subtle agree with Humbert Humbert because he says “I know this is wrong and disgusting but I love doing it” literally anytime his depravity is talked about and he describes any woman older than 15 as disgusting and washed up

All of this said, Lolita is really such a great book, its depiction of depravity is truly written so realistically I’m not surprised that people thought Humbert Humbert was a real person lol… The book is sickening and straight up sad, it’s one of my favorites even though I literally feel physically sick and sometimes even throw up any time I read it

But because it’s so good it’s impossible to properly showcase it in any other medium - the book is Humbert Humberts testimony, so even though he admits to such degeneracy we still know he’s sugar coating it. Putting that into movie porn not only requires someone to use REAL children (because he’s not even attracted to teenagers, but pre-pubescent children) to depict Humberts vile desires, but it also removes all the graphic language he uses

In any scene with Lolita he talks over and over about how he knows this is wrong and disgusting but he couldn’t care less because it pleasures him, in the movie we just see him being all sweet and lovely to Lolita, who undeniably returns his feelings - meanwhile in the book humbert only pretends she loves him back, he slips up multiple times where he shows the truth of the fact that Lolita was terrified of him and wished that she could die instead of being stuck with him

Over all, it’s not subtle at all, but people want it to be

[helluvapurf]

*claps* Just finished the newest HB dropped today, lets talk about it! :>

TL;DR version: Found it a... "decent" ride overall (prob among the "better" eps of the S2 lineup so far), though nothing really to write home about compared to other fave eps-

Longer Version: *warning ahead for spoilers*

So, positives out of the way first!

-Striker's back again... and YAY, didn't end up dying after all 🙏😭Was kinda scared with him going against Stolas they were gonna start watering him down to a "mwaha I'm macho~" cliche, but imo he remained pretty competent from start to finish (and even still carried that whole "f*ck the monarchy" attitude towards Goetias while interacting with Stolas (whilst simultaneously working under Stella)... which I really hope the show builds on more for any future appearances down the line)

-M&M themselves got to lead the show in chasing Striker/fighting him (no Blitz or Loona intervention whatsoever), which was also pretty refreshing! 👍 I enjoyed their antics in the Wrath ring and the eventual fight scene itself proved a fairly entertaining one too (*that music change midway though lol*)

-Ngl, I was kinda worried that with Stolas' "damsel" bit it was gonna get old quick... but I'm pleasantly surprised to see the guy actually bite back fairly strong in his own way (both with words and a bit with physical strength too like the stone-stare attempt). And with the inclusion of that "heavenly" rope voiding his powers, it helped offset him feeling too "woobified" compared to past eps .3.

-Blitz and Loona stuck together throughout their visit to the hospital, which proved sweet & funny to watch too ^^. Always nice to see some vulnerable sides in this girl aside from just being moody all the time imo.

-We finally get Andrealphus' canon debut, and he proved to be a fairly decent villain himself too. Being smart enough to recognize the risk in killing off Stolas too quickly (esp. while Via's still his only other heir), and seems to be generally manipulative in steering his sister in the "right" direction (while talking down to her at the same time like a ditzy child), which I'm curious to see played out as well as the season progresses further.

-Bit more of a "minor" point, admittedly... but yay! A Via mention~ 🥺Looks like she'll eventually be more involved in Andre & Stella's plot in the far future, so that'll be interesting to see~ :o

Now... for the negatives? ...Weeeell-

-Stella... just, *sighs*. What more can I say about her that others haven't done so before? 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️While I never really minded her being a bitchy villain tbh, I was expecting at least a little competency written in to her role trying to tear Stolas (+Blitz) apart... but, now? She's... literally just so one-tracked & immature onto wanting Stolas dead (not even reacting to Andre mentioning her daughter during their "plan"), that even her own brother is calling her out of how stupid she's being...? 😐Just... yikes, man...

And like, even all this I wouldn't so much mind if HB was a strictly comedic cartoon/Stella herself was just a one-off threat (like Martha & those old guys from the "Cherub" ep)... but with Stella clearly being framed as the new "big bad" of the series after first calling that hit on Stolas back in "Harvest Moon" (framed all dramatic-like both there and later on in "The Circus")... its otherwise embarrassing that Stella's about as complex as a slice of white bread... 😒😒

(*Heck, if you think about it I don't get why we couldn't have Andrealphus be Stolas' evil ex since he's clearly gonna be given more substance than his sister by the looks of it (esp if those potentially dangerous ice powers of his are any indicator)... but, idk I'm just rambling at this point lol >>*)

-I feel like some of the emotional beats didn't... quite hit as they should've, at points? Like, that last shot of Stolas browsing through his phone messages w/ Blitz seemed like it was trying to address what happened in "Ozzie's" (with Stolas even seeming to respect Blitz' boundaries better while their "deal" is still ongoing)... but then with the sad music playing and Stolas just turning away all sadly at the end, I wasn't sure whether to take that as hopeful or... just angsty, I guess? .-.

-In terms of the humor this time, while def a step-up from the last couple eps... I feel like some of the jokes didn't land as strongly compared to others? Like, for every decent bits like Striker (then later Millie lol) telling off the annoying music band, others like the... erm, "endowed" Striker statue & the karen fight Blitz had at the hospital just felt a bit too... "on-the-nose", I guess? 🤷‍♀️

-While I don't really mind this being a shorter episode, pacing-wise I feel like got a bit rushed at certain points (Like, I'm surprised Andre just kinda randomly showed up right at the first few seconds with how "hyped up" his initial concept was lol). Which could easily be fixed by just tweaking down some of the unnecessary filler bits imo.

[covecampfire]

So I watched the new ATLA

{SPOILERS AHEAD}

Preface: I just finished binging it with my Mom. It's been AGES since I've watched The Legend of Kora, so I've forgotten pretty much everything about it. I haven't done much research past the lore already present in the show. Cause of everything above, this is gonna be a preeeetty basic overview, but I needed to get this out or I'd INTERNALLY COMBUST.

The Good:

The MUSIC oh my GOD. Same composer as last time if I remember right, and it's WONDERFUL. It mimics the same motifs present in the original show, but it has its' own special twists - either being played in a slightly different note, or contining a whole new additional composition. [For more neat stuff about the original shows' score, check out this video by Sideways:

Generally, the costumes are great, and pull a lot of inspiration or directly copy many different Asian cultures, ranging from Japanese to Indian.

The CGI is AMAZING most of the time. All of the elements look and behave realistically, and look like they do ACTUAL damage. The fire actually burns, and the severity depends on the length of exposure to the flame. The water dampens clothes. The earth looks IMPENETRABLE. The air causes such a physical recoil to whoever encounters it that it LOOKS painful. Not to mention the water healing scene with Katara was done beautifully - as if the wound melted away with the water.

Most of the casting was great physicality-wise: Jett, Aang, Katara, Sokka, Iroh, and especially Ozai and Suki.

Momo was a cute little bean, aw.

The fight scenes were engaging due to the choreography, use of quick camera angles, and pace of time.

Jetts' fight scene had me geeking out because I've always LOVED his weapons, and he did the SPINNY THING WITH THEM!

The slight humor in it was usually enjoyable.

The scenery was PHENOMENAL. Drop dead GORGEOUS.

I loved Monk Gyatso. That's all. To play Pai Sho with him and a cup of tea would be a day well spent.

HEI BAI. OH MY GOD.

The Ehh:

At least for Katara and Sokkas' clothing during the initial "Aang waking up in village" bit, it looked too clean. No visible stitching, wear and tear, or anything. It meant to be handmade, and yet it looks more like a costume. Later on, it improves.

Another nitpick on the wardrobe: I hate Sokkas' shoulder plates. They look like they're made out of painted styrofoam.

Generally, it felt like the acting fell flat a bit. The tone didn't land right most of the time, and the only way I can put it is it seemed "disingenuous". (There's definitely a better way to word that lol.)

Sokkas' humor. :( Barely there. I understand that this show is toneally different from the original, but :(.

Katara isn't as "snippy" or loud as she was in the original - and that's one of the reasons why I loved her so much in the original. Another :(.

Irohs' moments of wisdom early on felt very forced. As if he was putting on a "wise voice", and moving his eyebrows to sell the point.

Irohs' humor also felt forced, when it came to tea among other things.

General Zhao wasn't intimidating at all. I feel the casting was poor for it, as he came off as more of a slimy, sleezy politician (which, yeah he is), instead of a mostly strong, intimidating, warmongering Admiral. Was generally uninterested in his character.

Many of the characters felt OOC. (Ex: Sokka and Katara in the Secret Tunnels, with Katara being more "science-believing" in the glowing stones, while Sokka fully believed in the "light of love".)

In exchanging the story for the runtime, it often felt confusing and odd with the pacing, especially for people like me who have watched the original show. Mushing up multiple episodes (some not even from the first season!) into one episode felt rather messy and disjointed.

ZUKO ISN'T ANGRY. Like ???. Literally most of his arc??? Where'd it go??

There's probably more I could say on this, but it's getting late and I'm tired. Overall, I'd say it's:

Zukos' scar looks more like a birthmark than anything? In the show, it was shown to literally change the way his eyelid functions, and it is puckered on his skin. Plus, the whole "oh they got some healing salve so you can see fine lol" felt like a weird way to solve that issue that people have been talking about for years? Idk.

Appa looks odd. I want to say it's the animation of the fur? Like, it catches the light in an odd way, and it moves weird. I know fur is super hard to animate, but- still. Odd.

~Odd, but Entertaining~

Would I watch it again? Yeah, probably. The visual effects really tied it in for me, since I'm a sucker for it. But most of the performances and storytelling causes it to fall flat. Overall, I'd say it's a 7/10. I'm still glad I watched it - I enjoyed it. Happy to hear what y'all thought too! :)

Edit:

I FORGOT THIS I WAS LAUGHING MY ASS OFF AT THIS - BEST PART IN THE ENTIRE MOVIE! 😭

[todayimgonnaplay]

Today, I'm gonna play: DmC: Devil May Cry (the reboot)

I remember the time when this was announced, everybody including myself hated the reboot's look and feel of it. To this day it's still hushed, shoved deep into the abyss so that everyone can forget it ever happened. I did play the demo about a year or two after it released and remember somewhat enjoying it, but not interested in getting the game at all. This time, I decided to take a leap of faith and see how it's aged.

My ''first'' DMC was DMC 4, which I watched my cousin play. I remember thinking how cool Nero's demon arm was and his overall design; Dante was very much unknown to me at the time. Years later I found a PS2 copy of the first game . Not realizing the series wasn't as easy as expected, I gave up after the first few missions. I did try 2 later, and then eventually 4 special edition to play for myself. 4 has been my favourite so far for having more accessible gameplay, and also i'm biased towards Nero lol. It's also the first DMC I have completed

Coming into the game I had extremely low expectations and imagined it'd be an absolutely absurd game filled with vulgarity and excess violence for the sake of it, but having just finished the game, I feel like this title is...overhated? Maybe it actually is super vulgar and excessive (especially when comparing with the original series) and that my expectations just so happened to help me see the game in a better light. I remember the trailers having Donte (I will refer to his meme name for the sake of comparison to the original Dante) act obnoxious as hell, but in the game he's...calm???? and caring??? Really surprising aspects that made me like the game.

In terms of story, I personally don't think of Devil May Cry in general for storytelling. They seem to exist for the sake of thematics for levels and gameplay, and that's what I see here too. You have a hero that's presented as initially flawed (with the whole drinking and sex in the intro), gets a motive to be the chosen one to go on a quest to fight evil, has a guide and learns a few things along the way (demon and human relations with the world), and beats evil. An almost classic hero's journey type. Some of its most emotional moments were a bit lacking, and he does flip people off or come up with edgy comebacks, but I could see Donte as a regular guy at least. Is he better than the original Dante? No. But he is good as his own character. I also liked the first half of the game regarding Vergil compared to the depictions I've seen of him in random cutscenes I watched online. It was a nice change of pace, even if predictable. Kat, a new character was also decent in her role. But none of the characters remotely created much interest, except for Donte because I was focused on whether he'd be too much or not. In terms of villains, one particular boss who is a news anchor striked me as interesting for trying to put Donte in a bad light, and his role is quite unique too, unlike what I've seen in other games.

The gameplay is one of the most fun aspects in this title. You have the classic switching weapons that Dante has, but I found it slightly more and yet less accessible than Dante in the main games. There are designated button inputs for Angel and Demon weapons, and you need to press the attack buttons along with it in order to use it. Switching is done with the D-pad, which felt awkward at times. But regardless, fast and flashy combat in this title has been the best I've experienced in this series by far. I had a huge issue with platforming in 4, often feeling very clunky but DmC does a much better job at it, with two grappling weapons that allow you to swing, or pull obstacles as platforms. But it's not perfect, as there was one mission that was quite clunky and had me falling multiple times. Another issue I noticed is the how the game hints at special items scattered in the level by using a beeping noise, akin to Mirror's Edge. The latter does a good job at it by using 3D audio and varying volumes, but it felt difficult with this game where the volume felt loud enough to think I was near something, but it was never near enough. Nor could I tell from which direction it was coming from. In fact, I could only recognize this beep's purpose because of my experience with Mirror's Edge, as the game does not tell you what it signifies. Adding a text box would have helped, which the game already does a good job in conveying tutorial information with the use of triggers in the levels.

Another great aspect of the game is its art direction. Limbo feels so alive and dynamic, with bold text popping off and adding to the atmosphere, it screams ''cool''. There's also a nice variety of colours rather than having them be muddy and grey for settings like this, which I've seen in other games. I couldn't get into gothic settings before, but now I'm very intrigued! In addition to that, the level design is quite straightforward and structured in a way that I felt less confused compared to DMC 4 having multiple paths and constantly getting lost. Soundtrack it's very fun, I think DMC as a whole does not miss on that. It's got the usual rock and metal vibe that always hypes up battle. I will be checking the OST too. Sound effects are also doing a great job, with the battle end result being my favourite. It has this little scream that plays as if Donte is in a fit of rage. In addition to that effect the screen also has these close ups of him as he gets ready for the next round, reminding me of what Hi-Fi Rush has done (even if that's a newer game). Little bits like that create nice transitions as the player continues on. Apart from playing, I do wish this game had a different title. I get it's a reboot, but it does make it hard to distinguish sometimes.

I'm sure this is a very unpopular opinion so take it with a grain of salt, as with everything I write here anyway. Having finished the game, a part of me wishes that there's a sequel, or that Donte at least retconned and made into his own character as something other than being a reboot Dante. That could probably relieve him a bit of his reputation. I think in order to enjoy this game to its fullest, is to not think of him as Dante at all, or even DMC if we go that far, but rather it's own thing or an alternative universe. And to also keep your expectations low!

Terms exclusive to the game: Limbo - An alternate yet alive world of the game's setting where demon enemies run amok

[beesnutz]

Puzzle log #2

Hello everyone, 3 months later I realized I haven't been writing these and since I haven't been puzzling much as of late I'll just try to catch up to today by talking about the few puzzles I ended up doing in the meantime (most of them done in march/april). Lets get.. Starteeedd!!!

I did end up finishing the mask puzzle! And I think it's still one of my favourites I've done to date.. it was very difficult but suuper satisfying to see the finished thing. heres a picture:

After it, I decided I needed something easier to wind down, So I did this Mark&Spencer 500 piece puzzle "retro toys", and i LOVED IT!!!

the image is unbearably cute + perfect for a puzzle. there was not a moment doing it where I was not having fun. I even did it twice lol.. I'm aware of there being a 1000piece variant, but I don't think I'm at the point of acquiring doubles lolol

I did end up ordering the chesire cat puzzle I mentioned last time - and It was fun! The background was surprisingly difficult, I think it took me 5ish hours to do in one sitting.. Somewhere along the way I went to a thrift store and got myself a couple more puzzles, one of which was a personalized 250ish piece puzzle of your home location.. I apologize to the familiy I just doxxed ^_^

Last but not least, For half of may i spent my time puzzling this 1500 astrology type puzzle I'm too lazy to find the actual name of...

(the two pieces at the top are there, i just ended up kicking it and didn't notice when i took the pic - the piece on the bottom wasn't there when I ordered the puzzle) To be honest this one was a bit of a dissapointment... the image is very pretty, but in reality the print was much darker than I thought it was going to be, so parts like the bottom right + all the shadow bits were a nightmare to piece together if not in direct sunlight, Which is why it took me basically half a month to finish the entire thing... That said, once I got into the groove it was a fun time :-)

for about another half of a month I've been trying to finish this puzzle of Van Gogh's "skeleton with a cigarette" But iii... pretty much Gave up on it >_< I knew it was going to be hard cause its basically 50% black background and then various paintbrush strokes of beige, but on top of that the puzzle cut is just really bad, A lot of pieces go together where they shouldn't, It's disappointing to say the least... No worries though. I have a couple more puzzles I still haven't done - one is a puzzle crossword, and the other is of a train that I thrifted.. Well those are all my thoughts. Bye

[simplylove101]

HORROR MOVIE CHALLENGE 2023 FAVES, HONORABLE MENTIONS & LEAST FAVES (AND THE ONES I COULDN’T FINISH)

Another year of my annual horror challenge has ended! This is technically posted a day later than I usually do it (cuz I usually get that next day off) but I ended up being tired the day after my Halloween movie marathon. But I also had plenty of movies to decide between for this too. 67 movies, to be exact. This year's challenge was interesting in comparison to last year's just because the sheer amount of watches that became instant faves of mine in 2022. I did find plenty of new faves again as always but I will say it was a little harder ranking stuff a bit too because there were many watches that ended up being... just okay. Definitely watchable but a fave? And since there's only allowed to be 30 pics used in a post, I try to keep each category to a certain number now that I make sure to include the movie posters.

Reminder: I never order any of these categories in order of preference, simply just the order of how they were watched, because that'd be kinda hard to do. I struggle enough as it is with this list already.

FAVE WATCHES:

The Menu: It's the first watch I did for the challenge that truly got me excited for it this year so that alone gets it on this list but also the wackiness of the whole concept really appealed to me. It made me laugh. I loved the cast. I will still not be forgetting that ending any time soon. This movie was very much my jam. It's not for everyone but it was for me.

2) M3GAN: Honestly, I'm not surprised this movie still made it on the faves list because while the idea of it may seem rather silly to most people, I dug it for what it was. It was fun and campy just as I expected it to be. Ready for the sequel. And also, Don Mancini, how dare you hype up a Chucky/M3gan face-off if that doesn't happen in some shape or form (regardless of the logic any of that would make lmao)

3) Infinity Pool: Now this one is very much a 'not for everyone' pick. I said in my review that we'd see where its standing in the rankings would be and well, while I'm still wavering between the faves or the honorable mentions, it's safe to say this movie stayed with me. There's visuals in it that I'll never forget. Brandon Cronenberg is like his dad in that regard. And well, you can't talk about this movie and not mention Mia Goth. She killed it with this one.

4) Scream 6: As a proud fan of the Scream franchise as a whole and how kinda let down I felt a bit about Scream 5 by choices made, I was pleasantly surprised by how strong this one felt in comparison. I genuinely found myself caring about the Core 4. I did miss Sidney and I lament what they could have done storywise for both of these movies (Bring back Stu! You mentioned him! lol) but what we did get was pretty cool. Gale's big scene was a highlight and it was cute seeing Kirby back even if they didn't use her to her full potential. Still, this is one of the more recent ones that I think can stand next to the original and you say, it's worthy of it. But that's just my opinion. lol Despite flaws, a fun and intense ride.

5) Evil Dead Rise: I still don't know where it stands against the originals/the 2013 reboot but honestly, as I said, I think they managed to make it their own so I won't compare them. The tone was darker too so that'd be hard. But yeah, this is a movie that had a lot of good things going for it that I had to put it on here. Definitely one of the best of 2023 in my book.

6) Escape Room Franchise: This is my one cheat. lol I'm pairing them together because I can and I watched them right after each other. And it's the only way I'd put them on the Faves list. They're silly fun these movies that happen to have faces I know in them. Now for the record, the second one I'm counting because I watched the non-theatrical version with Isabelle Fuhrman, which honestly is the version they should have stuck with. It's the one that gave a conclusion instead of dragging out an already convoluted plotline.

7) Renfield: Even if I expected to like it even more than I actually did, I feel like it still earns its spot on here because I really liked the concept. The pairing of Nicholas Hoult & Nicholas Cage was a fantastic idea, despite it not fully focusing on their dynamic as much as they should have imo. It still was fun. Very memorable action sequences that'll have you gasping. Still was solid enough at the end of the day.

8) Last Shift: I feel like I gotta give this little B movie credit. It had me on the edge of my seat and it's mostly just one woman stuck in one location having to deal with some pretty traumatizing stuff. I was definitely creeped out at parts so overall, I feel like it was effective and it helps that I went in with low expectations because I feel like it went beyond them. Thankfully, they had this poster because the other one is so rude and creepy. lol

9) Devil's Advocate: I think it's funny that I always mean to watch Angel Heart every year now and this one I just put on out of impulse. So basically I got to see Pacino play *spoiler alert* Satan before De Niro. lol Maybe next year? Anyway, this was really interesting. Keanu playing a character that's hard to like (much like Knock Knock) which is kinda more of a rarity with him and Al Pacino also giving an all-in performance. I appreciated how they handled the blend of legal drama & supernatural in the script. Some very memorable moments in there.

10) The Serpent & The Rainbow: Despite what I said about how the story gets a little lost in the second half for me once it gets really action heavy, I do still think this was an interesting movie. I feel like it had good intentions with the message it was trying to send about racism and exploiting cultures for personal gain. It was also a fresh take on the zombie genre at the time because it's about the actual origins of the word. It was also really cool how they incorporated the voodoo element as well. Yes, they went a little effects heavy but I will never forget that coffin scene with Bill Pullman because man, the visuals in that one alone. A+ camerawork. There's a lot to think about with this one.

11) No One Will Save You: This one kinda wavered between fave and honorable mention because it's just really odd. lol And my review wasn't as positive as you'd expect a movie making this list but honestly, looking back on it, it was kinda original. Because it wasn't just about aliens, it was also mainly about Kaitlyn's character's guilt. Still normally would have been put under as honorable mention but I think Kaitlyn Dever's performance was that good, it feels fair to put it on here instead. Wish the effects had been better and the narrative a little clearer but it was still pretty good.

12) Vacancy: Another one where it was like, do I put you with the faves or the honorable mentions?? lol But I actually thought this was pretty solid. Very simple story but sometimes those ones work best if and when executed just right because why complicate this story? We know who we're meant to root for and they're either gonna get out of this situation alive or not. I can't help comparing it to The Strangers because there's a lot of similarities but I actually like these characters/the actors more. Their urgency to survive was very clear. So, I was willing to watch this ride, despite any poor choices made along the way. My one true qualm is the ending just because it's entirely too abrupt imo but otherwise, I enjoyed it.

13) Insidious Chapter 2: In my review I mentioned it kinda felt like we were going through the motions with this one in comparison to the original but I do think it was still good. It felt like a proper way to end the story of The Lambert family (but then they just had to bring them back in The Red Door for a half-baked story) and at least there was an actual reason for why it felt like we were repeating things at parts. Patrick Wilson was good in the possessed scenes. Like, there were some flickers of Jack in The Shining imo so props to him for his performance. Also, they did a better job including the other characters like Barbara Hershey's and Specs & Tucker I think as well.

14) Totally Killer: As soon as I finished this movie I knew exactly where it was being placed because this was so fun. Very enjoyable to watch. The cast was great. Very funny and tongue-in-cheek just how I love my horror comedies. Kiernan Shipka was perfect as the lead and always excited to see Olivia Holt in anything. All the callbacks to Back to the Future made me very happy because they knew what they were doing. So yeah, this movie was made for me. lol

15) The Sacrament: In terms of enjoyment, this might not be high on people's lists but once again, maybe I was a target audience for it? That final act is quite grim but very effective. Especially because Ti West chose to use the found footage format. And I loved the reasoning for using it because it makes perfect sense for them to keep recording (the main characters being journalists) I genuinely don't mind that his movies lean towards a slowburner pace because it feels like there's a purpose to it. I did enjoy this a little more than The Innkeepers so I knew if either of Ti West's movies I watched this year was making one of the lists, it was gonna be this one.

16) I See You: Knowing what I know, I truly love how misleading that poster is cuz that was certainly a choice by the people behind it. lol That's all I'll say about that but yeah, this movie ended up being one of the surprise faves because I went in with the lowest of expectations. I went in completely blind and was glad for it cuz I worry the trailer reveals stuff. Very twisty little tale with clues thrown in there. Love when a movie can turn the narrative on its head and I can still appreciate it. And always cool seeing recognizable faces as well (Helen Hunt, Libe Barer, Sam Trammell & Judah Lewis for me) Might not be for everyone but this leans more for people who enjoyed their horror more grounded if you can believe it. lol

17) Ponytpool: There just was something really cool and unique about this concept. A zombie movie that doesn't feel like a one most of the time but is pretty effective in its execution for that genre imo. It takes place majorly in one location but they were able to accomplish a lot within that limitation. Stephen McHattie and Lisa Houle's chemistry was so good together, it honestly wasn't surprising to learn they're married in real life. It was definitely refreshing with how different it was.

18) The Frighteners: I just feel like this should be considered a 90's horror classic. It was fun enough. Michael J. Fox's last role as a leading man in movies. Horror icons Jeffrey Combs & Dee Wallace both hamming it up when they can. The effects were pretty solid too. Not to mention, it's the last of Peter Jackson's horror era. So, lots of notable things about it. I thought it was good. Definitely makes me excited to check out his other horror movies next year.

19) When Evil Lurks: Such a brutal watch. But the hype as it being considered the best horror movie from this year by some is very much deserved imo. Starts a little slow but once it gets going, I was down. It feels very unique with a lore that felt established. The gore is a lot to handle but it didn't feel excessive beyond what the story called for (I've seen a lot worse tbh) I just felt so bad for the main character obviously, because he truly was doing everything he could to save his family. Like I said, brutal. But I think it was great. It definitely had me. If you can't handle subtitles, I don't know what to tell you. But I will say besides the scenes where the lore is explained, it's not the hardest story to follow actually imo.

20) Talk to Me: Of course this was gonna be on here!! I'm glad this lived up to the hype for me. I would have been so sad if it hadn't. Especially since it's how I ended my Halloween night marathon. I just really loved the overall vibe of the whole thing and the cast was great. Sophie Wilde, you're a certified scream queen. You owned this movie. It deserves being labeled as the best of the year as well. I can't decide. lol Anyway, bring on the prequel and sequel! I'm ready for both.

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Cobweb: I know this isn't a movie a lot of people would agree with probably because it has its issues I know but honestly, I actually almost put it as a fave originally. Just because when it got things right or it'd get scary, it definitely got me. There's a particular scene with Lizzy Caplan that had me in the fetal position ngl. lol But the messiness of the plot and me feeling not 100% on the appearance of the creature (not to mention it feeling very unfinished at the end), made it so I ultimately had to put it on the Honorable Mentions instead. But it was pretty memorable if nothing else.

2) Swallow: Horror fans would possibly come for me putting this one on here but hear me out, it is still a body horror movie. Just a very different take on that subgenre. And I just thought it was a good movie. Haley Bennett deserves all the praise. The cinematography is to die for. It had me squirming more than plenty of horror movies manage to so in that regard it definitely belongs in the genre imo. It was just a very interesting character study and is probably not a movie most people would expect to see on a list like this.

3) Phenomena: I wasn't sure if I was gonna put it on the list or not but I do think it was pretty good. Notable for being very different from Argento's stuff so I'm excited to watch more of his next year to see just how true that is. Now knowing that Jennifer Connelly was 15 in it makes me appreciate her performance more cuz I thought she was older. Very cool use of music and visuals. And ofc Inga the chimpanzee deserves a mention cuz aww.

4) Rings: Look at me putting a short movie on here but hey, say what you want, but what this thing managed to do in 17 minutes is still better than some of the full feature movies I watched for the challenge this year as far as I'm concerned. Some of the camera choices were interesting that dates it a bit but otherwise I think this was pretty solid. Continues to make me wish they had included in the final product of The Ring 2 but we move on. lol

5) Killer Klowns from Outer Space: It had to make the list!! lol It's just classic silly B movie fun. I don't care about any of the flaws. It was just as I was hoping it would be. It was peak 80's cheesiness in the best kind of way. I loved the design of the clowns and music. And those kills were beyond memorable with how out there they were. Cult classic I'm glad I finally watched.

(There were a few I debated on placing on here like The Good Neighbor or Hell House LLC Origins, maybe even Absentia cuz of Mike Flanagan bias or Saw X, but ultimately these are the 5 I decided that I simply couldn't leave off the list)

LEAST FAVE WATCHES:

Clock: This one was easy to place. It was one of the first watches to truly annoy me once I finished it because I hated that script. The concept could have been cool and I think Dianna did a nice job with what she had but that's about all my positives for it. There's some creepy moments in but they feel tacked on to make it fit the horror genre. Most of what this movie was going for fell flat for me.

2) The Strays: Sometimes I don't like feeling so critical of movies because I see what they're going for or it's not for me or maybe some of the acting isn't great but honestly, this movie was all three of those combined imo. So, clearly there was a reason for that and I gotta put it on here. It wasn't a very pleasant watch for me. There's a message behind it but it's done in such a messy way when it feels like it should be done with more care. Just cringey.

3) Wish Upon: When a protagonist annoys you so much that you're glad the movie is over. lol It's not Joey King's fault though, it's the script's. But seriously, when people you know are dying because of your wishes and then you keep making them even after realizing that, you lose me cuz what?? Selfish lol While the kills are kinda insane, I still managed to be bored. Nice cast wasted.

4) Quarantine: I decided to keep this section to 4 movies because there were so many duds I debated putting under it instead (and I wanted to save space for at least one image for the Couldn't Finish section). Basically, it was a hard year. Like, I did not like The Strangers at all but there's iconic moments for the horror genre in it. Insidious: The Red Door was a disappointment but I love the franchise & characters. Both Sara Snook movies that I watched I disliked, but she saved both of them with her acting. Skinamarink was an experimental film that just wasn't for me but I saw the merit in it. The list goes on. But this movie?? While it tries what it can to recreate the magic of the original, it's nothing but a carbon copy of it without any of the tension. [Rec] quickly became one of my favorite horror movies ever after my watch last year so I was feeling some type of way after I finished this so I'm choosing it for this spot. lol

COULDN'T FINISH:

So, this category is newer but I think it's a good one to have cuz it gives an idea of my limits with these watches. Sometimes I get bored, sometimes I get triggered, and sometimes I'm just too annoyed to finish. lol

Tell Me How I Die: One day I was scrolling through Tubi for something to watch and I saw Ginny's (Virginia Gardner) name and she just keeps popping up in these horror movies I end up watching. lol And there's some other familiar faces in it too (Nathan Kress from iCarly and Ryan Higa from YouTube fame) but goodness, this was bad. I actually did make it almost to the end but I decided not to count it because I stopped it before the credits. It was just dumb and lacked any tension whatsoever for me. Where was the logic for anything? That said, can't say I was surprised but I at least was hoping for a guilty pleasure watch but nope.

2. The Dive: I stopped this one early enough just because the similarities between this and 47 Meters Down was just too much for me from the jump. I couldn't get past it and the acting seemed like it was gonna be subpar anyway. So I don't really regret it.

3. Elevator Game: Another one where I didn't really make it too far past the opening scene just because this was screaming that it was gonna be cheesy. I was just not in the mood for it.

4. Terrifer: Don't ask me where I thought I would have the tolerance needed for this kind of thing. I just was morbidly curious how long I could stand to watch it. I know what's been said about these movies. But yeah, I actually made it farther than I thought I would but let's just say a certain hacksaw scene is the second I tapped out. I was stupidly eating at that exact moment and I immediately felt sick. Was already gonna stop it the second Art grabbed it but didn't stop it in time before I saw way more than I would have liked. Definitely not for me. lol

5. Halloween (2007): I've never really felt drawn to watching Rob Zombie's version of Halloween because it always felt pointless. Why try to recreate the classic? The slasher that really jumpstarted what that genre has become. And yet, he did it. I only turned it on because AMC was playing it and I figured I'd at least give it chance. I made it to about when he gets out of the mental institution and we see Laurie & her friends. It definitely upped the violence (the original shows no blood and still very effective) but where was the tension, Rob??? Like, it was non-existent. I was bored. lol

6. The Outwaters: I tried to watch this around the same time as Skinamarink to see if experimental horror really wasn't for me. The jury's still out for that subgenre as a whole but this one didn't really grab me either so I don't know. It was just very slow. I was at least able to get what Skinamarink was going for but I lost interest in this one pretty quick. I did hear the ending gets a little wild though so that's interesting.

And that's another horror challenge done! Spooky season may officially be over now but excited for next year's! Hopefully it'll be more successful than this one was though.

[smoosnoom]

Hi! I have a couple of writing related questions. I was curious how you decide when a story is finished? Do you come up with the ending first or just go with it until it "feels right"? How do you motivate/discipline yourself to finish a story? Or do you not struggle with that so much? I'm having trouble structuring stories and finishing things. I find myself writing all the time, but it always ends up being little snippets or a couple thousand word scenes and I can't seem to fit them into an overall plot or story…? Does that make sense? I feel like I have like 18 different stories going on and sometimes there's like a bunch of scenes that could fit one story but I can't make them… Mesh. Also I can't just finish it off. I always feel like there's something missing or like I'm just not sure what the overall point of the story is so I don't know how or when to end it. Anyway, thinking about this made me curious what your general structure is. Do you start with a scene and then flesh out from there when starting a story? Or do you start by having an overall plot and writing based on an idea? Like do you block out your stories scenes/pacing etc first or just write in order, beginning to end or jump around from scene to scene and stick it together later? Does your process change depending on the story? So sorry for the kind of aimless questions. I'm just curious about your process. I'd love to be able to actually complete something, but I don't really have anyone to talk to about writing, and I thought maybe getting advice from someone who I see and enjoy the finished work from could help me in some way. No worries if you don't really know how to answer this and don't want to. I won't be offended lol Anyway ty love your work, have a good day :D

hello ! im so sorry for taking so so long to get to this, i would keep coming back to change or add something to say :)

I was curious how you decide when a story is finished? Do you come up with the ending first or just go with it until it "feels right"? ... I can't just finish it off. I always feel like there's something missing or like I'm just not sure what the overall point of the story is so I don't know how or when to end it. - this fluctuates from time to time; sometimes i feel like a story is done right when i write the last scene, and then i'll come back to it and add a whole other scene because it doesn't seem right . i try to consider if whether or not the entire story has come full circle, if it's satisfying and the ending is something worth having read the previous paragraphs for, if the last few lines are conclusive enough, or if it feels like something should be coming after it . i don't know a proper formula or fool-proof solution to this, its just a Feeling u get, but if u are at a complete loss, what i try to do is completely forget about it for a few days (at least five), and then come back and read the entire thing, editing Nothing, but only taking notes on what to fix, until u reach the end, where u, with a fresher perspective, can tell if the ending is right or not . sometimes, theres just no point to a story other than being written - if that's the case, then thats fine . writing is meant to be fun, if it feels incomplete, come back to it at a later time, don't look at it for a while . if u cant bear to do that, then maybe rewrite it completely - i've done this several times, rewriting thousands of words because something is just . missing . so i take the old work and rework it into something i like better, rewriting and removing and adding bits and pieces . try to spend some time away from the work, that helps me immensely !

another piece of advice from aaron sorkin is that sometimes when he finds a lull in his writing, he takes a shower - showers are great for getting ur imagination flowing :) something else i heard is to take the work and put it in a place not easily accessible, and then, after a few weeks, looking at it again . another version of this is putting it away and rewriting the entire thing from memory . ive done all three and they help as well :)

How do you motivate/discipline yourself to finish a story? Or do you not struggle with that so much? - if u mean continuously working on a story til the end, then absolutely i do struggle with it !!! half the time its the sheer want to write that keeps me going, or if its a story so daunting i dont know how to write it, then i try to make it easier to write for, maybe telling myself ill stop writing after thirty minutes, or until i get a thousand words done, or just until i reach a scene that i really want to write . that, as well as just Forcing myself sometimes really helps, sometimes i just need to get myself to do it in order to the words to flow out properly. ill also admit that sometimes what gets me going is the idea of feedback, what people might think of it or even how satisfied i might feel from writing and finishing it . if u need a friend to cheer u on, or u need to post a bit or two on here to get that encouragement, then feel free . also implementing a "write for thirty mins/for five hundred words/etc." really helps too :) maybe giving urself a deadline as well, such as getting a certain amount done by a certain day

I find myself writing all the time, but it always ends up being little snippets or a couple thousand word scenes and I can't seem to fit them into an overall plot or story…? ... I feel like I have like 18 different stories going on and sometimes there's like a bunch of scenes that could fit one story but I can't make them… Mesh. - it does make sense :) i have a doc just called "cut" that is a series of scenes and snippets and phrases that arent related in the slighted - its only for the sake of putting the idea in my head out and onto the screen, which i might later use for a story i write at a different time if i find that it fits . u don't need to make all these separate scenes fit, sometimes they just aren't meant to . if u find urself writing eighteen different stories, and then only extensively working on a specific few, then i suggest combing some of these stories where they fit . if they don't, then go for the one u want to work on the most, the one that matches ur current writing mood . i know saying "work on which one uwant to work on" is pretty unhelpful, but theres no better solution . maybe asking someone else which one they'd like to read the most also helps, something i do :)

Do you start with a scene and then flesh out from there when starting a story? Or do you start by having an overall plot and writing based on an idea? Like do you block out your stories scenes/pacing etc first or just write in order, beginning to end or jump around from scene to scene and stick it together later? Does your process change depending on the story? - sometimes i do all of these . it does change depending on the story ! for some, i get a flash of a scene that i quickly write out, and, from there, an entire story is inspired in me and i start writing it as quickly as i can, and this changes from just writing down the parts i really want to implement or i feel are imperative in the work, or i finish the initial scene and begin from the start . other times, i have a plot in my mind and i start to write it, but never have i stuck with the initial plot - it always morphs into something else, and ive never resisted from that urge . one plot point will turn into five, and i have sticky notes i keep next to my bed and desk and in my bag and by the door whenever these ideas stick, or i get a sudden scene idea, which i quickly jot down, and, most of the time, i start jotting down quick outlines for the next few scenes . these are never detailed, especially on a sticky note, it's usually just (bike scene, diner scene, "insert quote i just thought of/want to include", etc.) . things like that . i also almost always jump around - i've never written anything in a linear manner, and i probably never will . sometimes the place u are in during the story is in such a lull u want a change of pace, and that's fine :) let that happen ! then u go back to the part u need to work on, and sometimes its even easier to tie two separate scenes together .

im so happy u enjoy the work i put out ! u mention not having anyone to talk about writing with, but my dms are always open and id love to chat if u want :) and if u ever want a second opinion/some help (it feels weird to say help because i am just trying my best on here LOL) then let me know !!! please feel free to just hit me up, i'd love to talk !!!!!!

none of these questions were aimless, and im so sorry for taking forever to reply this, i tried my best to answer as thoroughly as i possible could :) if i missed anything or u want any more clarification on anything, please let me know !!

thank u for the ask !

[robotvampire]

ahh I just finished the first chapter :( I love it!! So many option tho, you had to go crazy with so much coding xD

I love Sameer with all my soul, but I don't really know if I can trust him completely, imagine if his master plan (and a very simple one /sarcasm) failed and he founds out he can't do it, and the only way is going along with the prophecy... I mean, it would be a downfall if you are making me love you and trust you for something even himself dont really, really know if it could work...

SPOILEEEEER

And what frustrate me more is that my friends apparently prefer to risk Mc live and go with him, even without knowing him than thinking about the other possibilities

Im curious, so in my mind I choose the option of "No." when Izzy and Jess asked about if Mc would kill Sameer. But I wanted to know all the options XD so that was what I did. I was a little surprise with the "I dont know" Cause, in my mind is the most logic one to do. I mean, I kinda understand that, if mc kills Sameer, the apocalypse it may or may not be near, and that is not a good thing... at least not for humanity xDD, but its not totally fair for Izzy say things as "[…] but at least he knows what he wants" its like, of course he knows what he know he had like +20 years to think about it??? and what is more, we dont really know if he knows something that MC not... there is so many variables to considerer :(... can you really trust someone you met for the first time two days ago? and one of them was not even present?

so right now im kinda tempt to put the worst answer or the idk answer just to mess with them like «fuuuk u friends who think of me as a possible murder but it does not cross their minds to believe that the other person, who you DONT know, could try to kill me» (Its more sad for me cause Jesse is probably my fav character rn, lol, like he is maybe in the same place as Sameer, I think he is such a cute and sweet boy and I want to protect him lol), so, there will be any punishment in the future if you choose the options that lower the friendship score with your friends?

Can we pleeeeease in the future have an interaction with them like: "oh, wow look at this, I didn't kill him, what a surprise" in a sarcastic, sassy way? extra point if we add something like "the only time things got hot was in bed", for romance lol

I love this story and the way you write it, so thanks for your work! and sorry for my mumbling XD

Hello! I'm glad you enjoyed the demo!! ☺️ The coding is a bit tedious at times, but there are a lot of stories I want to tell within the story, so it's been worth it! (Not saying I won't want to kick myself in the future, though, lol.)

I can't really comment on your mistrust of Sameer too much without getting into ~spoilers~, but he does have a fairly good reason for believing his plan will work. If he knew of another solution (that didn't involve dragging MC into it), he would absolutely have gone that route.

As far as Izzy and Jesse go, from their perspective, what MC is telling them has to be the truth. It's too outrageous not to be, right? And presumably if Sameer wanted to hurt/kill MC, he would've done it already.

For any of the non-no responses about whether you could kill Sameer, Izzy and Jesse respond negatively because they're thinking about it from their own perspective - that they, and everyone they love (with the exception of MC), would die. They can't fathom that MC could really look them in the eye and say anything other than "no". It certainly can be argued that they're placing too much responsibility on MC's shoulders too quickly, but keep in mind that they've had this information even less time than MC has. I think if they'd waited to ask that question at a later point, they would have been able to respond better. (Though depending on the MC, they may realize that they would NEVER do that and not ask at all.)

There won't be any punishment, per se, at this point if you lower your friendship score with Izzy/Jesse. It may change some of the dialogue, but there's still time to earn those points back. You're not going to get rid of them that easily!

"Wow look at this, I didn't kill him," does sound like something sarcastic!MC would say, so we'll see! 😂

And never apologize for mumbling! I appreciate hearing from folks!! ❤️