#first one is just for lols but... the second one...

[leriexoxo]

Wrong Movie Ticket

Bestfriend! Chan x Reader

Tags: smut, bestfriends to lovers, cinema porn, fingering, semi public inappropriate acts, oral (m,f receiving), unprotected sex, dirty talk, riding, choking, confessions.

Word count: 6.5k

Summary: It was supposed to be a harmless retro movie night with your best friend Chan. Then the film started… and it was porn. Now you’re stuck in a dark adult cinema, horny, flustered, and sitting way too close to the man you’ve never seen that way—until now. What follows? Stolen touches, filthy tension, crossed lines, and the slowest and fastest descent into “we probably shouldn’t be doing this.” Too bad neither of you wants to stop.

This work contains mature themes, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!!

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You didn’t think twice about asking Chan.

It was a throwaway message — a random, impulsive moment while scrolling your phone. The kind of thing only your best friend would say yes to without making it weird.

Got two free tickets to a retro film screening lol. Come with me?? Apparently it’s a surprise title.

You didn’t expect him to reply three seconds later with,

Say less. I’m already choosing snacks in my head.

And now here you were.

Shoulder to shoulder in a darkened theater that smelled like old velvet and warm popcorn, curled up in plush, oversized recliners that felt suspiciously luxurious for an indie cinema. You’d joked about it when you walked in — called it “bougie-arthouse-meets-grandma’s-living-room.”

Chan had laughed, soft and bright, and dropped his head to your shoulder for a second.

“You and your weird luck,” he’d said. “Only you would win tickets to a mystery movie night in a place that looks like it doubles as a jazz bar for ghosts.”

And you’d smiled. You always smiled when he touched you.

Now, the lights dimmed fully, and the film began with a crackle of film grain and a vintage soundtrack humming over the speakers.

At first, everything felt normal.

Old cars. Sepia tones. Awkward, exaggerated acting from a woman in a silk slip and a man with a mustache too big for his face. You sipped your drink. Chan occasionally leaned in to whisper dumb commentary in your ear, and you had to cover your mouth to keep from laughing out loud.

Then the silk slip hit the floor.

You blinked.

Onscreen, the woman dropped to her knees.

“…Wait,” you said under your breath.

Chan leaned forward slightly. “Is she…?”

She was. Very much.

The theater stayed silent, but you could feel it now — the strange atmosphere. The intentionality of the recliners. The lack of teenagers. The fact that everyone was sitting in pairs. Close. Intimate.

You glanced at Chan.

He was frowning a little, eyes still fixed forward.

And then she moaned.

Loudly. Lewdly. Wet and raw.

Chan inhaled sharply, then turned to you — eyes wide with disbelief.

“Is this—?”

“Porn,” you whispered. “I think it’s porn.”

You both stared forward again.

The camera cut to the man’s face — all clenched jaw and labored breathing as she took him deeper into her throat.

You sat frozen, drink in your hand, heart suddenly thudding like you were caught watching something you shouldn’t.

Chan cleared his throat. Shifted in his seat.

“We should… we could leave,” he said, but his voice was strained.

You couldn’t look at him. “Mhm. Could.”

But you didn’t move. Neither did he and the screen only got filthier.

There was something hypnotic about it — not the porn itself, but the setting. The heavy quiet of the room. The creak of recliners. The small, breathy gasps from one or two corners of the theater where other pairs sat just a little too close.

Chan shifted again beside you, and this time you felt it — his thigh brushing yours.

He wasn’t pulling away. Neither were you. And your chest was rising faster now. You didn’t say anything.

You couldn’t.

Not with the screen soaked in moans and movement and sweat, and the awareness of him sitting right there, warm and silent and way too close.

You didn’t look at him.

But you wondered If he was feeling it too. You didn’t dare move.

Not because you were afraid — but because you weren’t sure what might happen if you did.

The screen lit up with flesh. Grainy but real. A woman on her back now, legs spread wide, breathless under a man twice her size. He fucked her slow and deep, long strokes that made her back arch off the mattress.

The audio was soft but obscene.

You swallowed hard.

You hadn’t meant to watch porn with your best friend. Hadn’t meant to sit this close, thighs touching, breaths syncing like your bodies had somehow started responding to the same rhythm pulsing through the room.

The theater was still mostly quiet, but… not entirely.

There were sounds. Small, barely-there ones. A stifled moan from the far right corner. A squeak of leather from behind you. Someone shifting in a way that didn’t sound like they were just trying to get comfortable.

Your skin prickled.

And beside you, Chan exhaled. A little shaky.

You finally turned your head toward him. He looked… tense. Eyes fixed on the screen, jaw tight, one hand braced on his thigh like he was deliberately keeping it there.

You whispered, “Chan…”

He blinked, tore his gaze from the screen, and looked at you.

His eyes were darker now.

His lips parted, breath shallow.

“I didn’t…” he said softly. “I didn’t think it would actually be—”

“I know,” you breathed. “Me neither.”

A beat passed. Neither of you looked away.

The sounds from the movie grew louder — wet, rhythmic, raw. Her moans echoing, punctuated by filthy dialogue that made your stomach flip.

Chan’s eyes dropped to your lips for just a second.

Just long enough to make your breath catch.

And when they lifted again — slowly — his tongue darted across his bottom lip.

“You okay?” he asked. Quiet. Gentle.

You nodded before you even thought about it.

But he didn’t look convinced.

Your knees were still touching. Bare skin brushing denim. The air between you was thick enough to chew.

You tried to shift your attention back to the screen — to pretend none of this was happening.

But all you could think about was the way Chan was not moving away.

The way your skin still tingled from that single look.

The way your body had started to thrum in time with the soundtrack.

You heard her moan again — a long, high cry that made your thighs clench instinctively.

Chan noticed. You knew he noticed.

His fingers twitched against his own leg. And then he let out a quiet, almost silent laugh — like he couldn’t believe what was happening either.

“This is insane,” he muttered.

You bit your lip. “Mhm.”

And then — softer — he added, “You’re warm.”

You turned to look at him fully now. “What?”

His eyes were on your bare thigh, where it pressed against his. His hand hovered just above it.

“You’re warm,” he said again, like it meant something else. Like he wasn’t just talking about skin temperature.

You held his gaze. And for the first time all night, something shifted. Your pulse spiked but he didn’t touch you.

Not yet.

But his hand stayed there. Hovering. Close enough that you could feel the heat radiating off his palm. Like he was waiting for permission he didn’t know he needed.

Your breath hitched.

And Chan’s jaw clenched again — like holding back was costing him something.

“I should…” he started.

But he didn’t finish the sentence. Because neither of you really knew how this was supposed to go anymore.

You tried to shake it off.

The porn, the glances, the way Chan looked at your thighs like they were saying something. You told yourself it didn’t matter. That best friends had weird moments sometimes — and maybe you’d laugh about it tomorrow over coffee.

But then you went to dinner.

Just a casual spot near the theater. Dimly lit bar-slash-restaurant, exposed brick, candlelight on the tables. The kind of place where your friend group could cram into a long booth and pass menus around like nothing was vibrating under the surface.

Chan slid in next to you without a word.

You were hyper-aware of it. Of his shoulder against yours, the brush of his denim jacket sleeve. His thigh pressing against yours again like he needed it. Like he hadn’t gotten it out of his system earlier.

Your friend across the table said something ��� you didn’t catch it.

You laughed anyway. Too loud. Too bright.

Chan didn’t say much at first. He drank his beer, leaned in for the occasional snarky comment in your ear, but you could feel it — the way his hand stayed in his lap, twitching sometimes like he wasn’t sure what to do with it.

And then.

You reached for a napkin. Your legs shifted. And his hand landed on your knee.

Accidentally — at first.

At least, you thought it was accidental. But he didn’t move it.

You froze.

Looked down.

He was staring straight ahead, nodding at something one of your friends was saying — like nothing was happening.

Like his fingers weren’t slowly brushing the bare skin just above your knee, under the hem of your denim skirt.

You inhaled sharply.

He heard it. You knew he did, because his fingers paused, then curled just a little.

Your stomach dropped.

You flicked your eyes sideways at him.

Chan was still looking at the others. Still pretending. But his hand was now fully on your thigh — warm, heavy, steady — and slowly sliding higher.

Your breath caught.

He was doing it on purpose. And you… You weren’t stopping him.

He leaned in then, head tilted toward yours like he was about to whisper another joke — but his voice was low this time. Quiet enough that only you could hear it over the ambient music and clinking glasses.

“You’re not moving,” he murmured. “You’re letting me do this.”

You bit the inside of your cheek.

“You’re the one touching me,” you shot back, voice tight.

His thumb brushed higher.

Your skin tingled.

“Yeah,” he said, barely audible now. “And you’re letting me.”

Your legs shifted under the table, parting just a little — not on purpose, not really — but it didn’t matter. Because his fingers slipped right into that space. Hot and deliberate.

You felt the pad of his middle finger slide up the inside of your thigh.

Slow and Dangerous.

And you snapped your knees together instinctively — not in rejection, but because it was too much.

He stopped. Froze.

You looked at him but he was already looking at you. Eyes blown wide, jaw tight. Like he wasn’t sure who he was right now. Neither were you.

Your voice came out a whisper. “Chan…”

“I’ll stop if you tell me to,” he said.

Silence stretched between you.

The others were still talking. Laughing. Existing in some parallel universe where you weren’t seconds from being fingered under a dinner table.

But you weren’t in that universe.

You were here. You were wet.

And Chan’s fingers were moving again.

You should have told him to stop.

There were too many people. Too many eyes. Your friends were right there — sharing food, sipping drinks, cracking jokes across the table like this was just another Thursday night.

And under the table? Chan’s hand was under your skirt.

Fully.

You didn’t know how it had happened so quickly — or maybe you did. Maybe it was always going to happen, after what the movie did to the both of you. After the way your thighs touched and neither of you pulled back.

But this? This was insane.

His fingertips brushed the edge of your underwear, and you inhaled sharply — too sharply — so you faked a cough and reached for your water.

Chan’s body shifted subtly beside you. You felt his breath near your ear as he leaned in to pretend he was saying something casual.

“Still not stopping me,” he murmured.

You clenched your thighs again, but this time it was too late. His fingers had already slipped past the edge of your panties.

Your hips twitched. And his knuckles pressed against your core.

You were soaked.

Like your body had been waiting for this since the cinema. Like it had been aching for him in the most humiliating, undeniable way.

Chan froze.

And then — low enough that no one else could possibly hear — he let out the smallest, most desperate sound.

“Fuck…”

You looked at him, panicked — your voice a whisper. “Chan, we’re in public.”

“I know,” he breathed, barely glancing at you. His hand didn’t move. “Tell me to stop and i will.”

You didn’t. You couldn’t.

And that was all he needed. His middle finger slipped inside you in one slow, hot push.

Your thighs tensed. Your mouth fell open.

You grabbed your drink like it was the only thing tethering you to reality — fingers white-knuckling the glass as you tried to keep your face normal, blank, anything but wrecked.

Above the table, someone asked you a question. Something about dessert. A menu. It didn’t matter. You didn’t hear it.

Because Chan curled his finger inside you.

Your hand shot to your lap, gripping your thigh to keep yourself from squirming. You couldn’t look at him. Couldn’t look at anyone. You just nodded blindly and mumbled something noncommittal, hoping it passed.

Chan didn’t let up.

His finger moved in and out slowly, and your entire body flushed with heat. He had the audacity to smirk — just the tiniest bit — eyes still fixed on his drink like he wasn’t currently fingering his best friend under the table while people laughed and talked around them.

“This is so fucking wrong,” you hissed under your breath.

“I know,” he said. Another finger joined the first. “But you’re not telling me to stop.”

Your eyes fluttered shut for half a second.

You tried to breathe through your nose. Stay quiet. Act normal. But every subtle movement of his hand made your legs twitch, your core clench, your heartbeat crash against your ribs.

You glanced at him again.

He looked flushed now too. Like he was seconds from losing his mind, but still holding it together because it was you. Because this wasn’t just lust, it was something older, deeper — something that had been crawling under both your skins for months.

“Chan,” you whispered, like a warning.

“Say the word,” he said, voice tight. “Say stop. I will. But you don’t want me to.”

And you hated how right he was. Because instead of pulling away, you shifted forward an inch — just enough that his fingers sank deeper inside you.

Chan sucked in a breath. And you both went still.

A sharp laugh cracked from across the table, drawing attention — and you had to force a smile, nod along, pretend you weren’t sitting there with your best friend’s fingers knuckle-deep inside your body, massaging a spot that made your eyes blur.

Your thighs trembled and Chan leaned in, lips brushing your ear like a secret.

“You’re gonna cum,” he whispered. “Right here, aren’t you?”

You shuddered. Your breath hitched.

And he smiled — not cocky, not cruel. Just in awe. Like he couldn’t believe how beautiful you looked with your cheeks flushed and your teeth digging into your lip to keep a moan from slipping out.

You felt your orgasm build — fast, frantic, terrifying.

You grabbed his wrist under the table.

He stilled instantly. “Too much?”

You shook your head. “Not enough.”

And that was it.

His fingers moved faster, deeper, his palm nudging your clit just enough to send you over the edge in a quiet, trembling crash of heat and pleasure. You came with your teeth pressed into your fist, staring hard at a candle on the table like it could anchor you, keep you grounded while your body shattered in silence.

And when it was over, you sat back—Breathless. Shaking.

His fingers slipped out of you slowly, carefully — like he respected what he’d just done to you, even if it made no sense at all.

Your eyes met his and the panic set in.

What the fuck are we doing?

But you were still wet. Still aching.

And you knew — without a doubt — you weren’t done.

You bolted from the table the second your legs worked again.

Something about needing the bathroom. A brush of your hand on your friend’s shoulder as you excused yourself, voice a little too high-pitched, smile a little too tight.

You didn’t look at Chan.

Couldn’t.

Your body was still pulsing from what he’d just done to you — in public, surrounded by friends, like it was the most natural thing in the world to slide his fingers into his best friend and make her come in silence while everyone else debated dessert.

Your heart thundered.

You didn’t think. You just ran.

The bathroom door swung open and you staggered inside, gripping the sink, trying to catch your breath. Your panties were still wet, your thighs sticky, your reflection in the mirror pink-cheeked and glassy-eyed and wrecked.

“What the fuck,” you whispered to yourself.

And then the door opened behind you. Your stomach dropped.

“Chan, don’t—”

But it was too late.

He stepped in, locked the door behind him, and turned to face you — eyes dark, breathing shallow, like he’d sprinted the whole way.

“I had to,” he said. “I couldn’t just let you leave like that.”

You backed up a step. “We’re in the bathroom.”

“No one saw me come in.”

“That’s not the point.”

“Then what is?” His voice cracked on the edge of something— desperation, maybe. “Because I just made you cum under the fucking table and you didn’t even look at me.”

“I couldn’t!” you hissed, voice sharp and low.

He flinched. Just slightly.

You swallowed, heart pounding.

“It was too much,” you added. “You— that— fuck, Chan.”

He moved toward you. Slow. Careful. But you didn’t step back.

“You liked it,” he said softly.

You blinked. “That’s not—”

“You liked it,” he repeated. “Your body loved it. You soaked through my fingers.”

Your lips parted.

He stopped right in front of you now, eyes flicking down to your mouth, then back up.

“You didn’t even know you were grinding against my hand until I curled my fingers and you almost choked on your drink.”

“Chan—”

“You’re still wet, aren’t you?” he asked, voice wrecked. “Still aching.”

You stared at him. And you didn’t deny it. A beat of silence passed.

Then: “I don’t know what this is,” you whispered. “I don’t know what’s happening to us.”

His hand rose — not to touch you, but to rest against the wall behind your head. Caging you in. Close enough that his breath hit your lips.

“I do,” he murmured.

Your stomach flipped.

He leaned in just a little more. “I can’t stop thinking about the way you looked in that theater. The way you breathed. The way your thighs trembled.”

You swallowed hard.

“I shouldn’t want you,” he said, forehead nearly touching yours now. “You’re my best friend.”

“Then stop,” you said. It sounded like a challenge.

He looked at you.

“You don’t want me to stop.”

Your silence was answer enough.

And then he kissed you.

Hard. Hungry. Like every second you’d known each other had been leading here, and he was done pretending. His hands gripped your waist, and before you could catch your breath, he had you backed against the stall door, mouth trailing fire down your neck.

“I need to taste you properly,” he whispered against your throat. “But I can’t wait.”

You whimpered as his hands slid under your skirt again, rougher this time — no hesitation. He shoved your panties down with practiced fingers, lifted your leg over his waist and slide two fingers back inside you like they belonged there.

You moaned — couldn’t help it.

His free hand clamped over your mouth immediately.

“Shhh,” he whispered. “You’ll get us caught.”

His eyes burned into yours — wild, wrecked, possessive.

And he fucked you with his fingers like he meant it. Like he needed to make you feel it. Wrist twisting just right, fingers rubbing the spot that made your eyes roll back, and all you could do was cling to his shoulders and take it.

You came harder this time.

Biting into his palm. Hips jerking against his hand.

And even after your legs gave out and your body sagged against the door, he didn’t pull away. He held you there. Pressed his forehead to yours. Breathing you in.

“I’m not sorry,” he whispered.

You shook your head, eyes still glazed. “Me neither.”

—

Neither of you said anything on the way back.

You walked side by side, hands in your pockets, your face still flushed from the bathroom, heart still pounding in your throat.

The streets were quieter now, warm with the scent of summer and distant traffic, and the occasional brush of Chan’s arm sent shivers crawling down your spine.

You couldn’t look at him.

Because if you did…

You might ask for something neither of you could ever come back from.

Your thighs still ached. Your underwear still clung damp to your skin. And between your legs — Jesus. It was like your body had been switched on and couldn’t shut off.

You were still feeling his fingers inside you.

And he kept glancing sideways. Like he wanted to say something. But didn’t know how.

You finally reached his building. The stoop was dim and familiar — how many nights had you sat there together, late-night snacks and dumb conversations and sleepy yawns on each other’s shoulders? You could still see the ghost of those moments hovering in the air, but they were dissolving fast.

Chan turned to you at the door.

Hands in his pockets.

Voice rough.

“Do you wanna—” He swallowed. “Come in?”

Your heart stuttered.

You should’ve said no.

But instead you nodded.

His apartment smelled like his cologne and roses.

You stood in the middle of his living room, heart hammering. Your skin felt too tight, your legs still shaky. And Chan — god, Chan — locked the door behind you, then leaned back against it like he wasn’t sure what to do with his hands.

Until he looked at you.

Really looked at you.

And you felt your breath catch.

“You’re driving me fucking insane,” he said quietly.

You blinked. “What?”

“I can’t stop thinking about you. Your thighs, your mouth, the way you looked at me when I touched you. I’ve never seen anything that turned me on more in my life.”

Your throat went dry.

He pushed off the door and stepped closer.

“I want to fuck you so bad I’m shaking.”

Your lips parted.

“Chan—”

“I want to pin you down,” he continued, voice wrecked. “I want to have your wrists in one hand, your neck in the other, and just ruin you.”

You made a small, helpless sound.

He reached for you then — slow, giving you time to pull away — but you didn’t.

He brushed your hair back. Tilted your chin up.

“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted this,” he said. “How many nights I’ve had to jerk off in silence after hugging you goodbye.”

You stared at him. Speechless.

“I think about you when I fuck my fist. I imagine you beneath me, half-undressed, legs open, begging.”

You gasped — one hand flying to cover your mouth.

But he wasn’t done.

“I want to pin you to the bed,” he whispered. “Hold you down while you squirm. Make you cry my name while I fuck you like you owe me something.”

Your legs buckled.

He caught you instantly.

“You like that?” he breathed.

You nodded, stunned.

“Good,” he growled. “Because I’m not done.”

He backed you toward the bedroom, eyes locked to yours.

“And after that?” he said. “I’m gonna cum all over you. Your stomach. Your face. Wherever I want.”

You whimpered.

“I’m gonna fuck you in your clothes, with your skirt bunched around your waist and your panties pushed aside, because I can’t wait to take them off.”

He licked his lips.

“And you’re gonna take it, baby girl.”

You stared at him, heart pounding. Breathless. Speechless.

So fucking turned on.

And then, softly you said:

“Show me.”

—

The bedroom door clicked shut behind you.

And it was like your body knew.

Your heart was a live wire. Your breath shallow. You took two slow steps into Chan’s room — familiar walls, familiar scent — but it didn’t feel like home tonight.

It felt like danger. It felt like him.

Chan followed behind, slow and steady, letting the silence stretch until you couldn’t take it anymore.

You turned around to face him.

He looked wrecked already — hair tousled, chest heaving, hands flexing open and shut at his sides like he was fighting the urge to grab you and ruin you.

You didn’t say anything.

You just looked at him — wide-eyed, breathless — and reached for the hem of your skirt.

He caught your wrists before you could tug it up.

“Let me,” he said.

And that voice — god, that voice — low and dark and possessive, made your knees tremble.

He walked toward you, slow like a wolf circling prey. You expected him to strip you, to yank your clothes off with that filthy desperation he’d whispered about.

But he didn’t.

He kissed you.

Soft, at first and then not.

His hands slid down to your thighs, gripping the backs with practiced heat. And when he pulled your skirt up — when he saw your ruined panties again — he let out a sound so deep it rattled in your chest.

“Still wet for me,” he said.

You couldn’t speak.

“You came twice and you’re still soaked.”

He dipped his head — not to kiss your mouth, but to press his lips to your throat. You tilted your head back with a gasp as he sucked at your pulse, teeth grazing, mouth open and hot.

“I’m gonna fuck you just like this,” he growled. “Skirt up. Panties in the way. Legs spread for me.”

Your fingers tangled in his hair as he dropped to his knees in front of you.

“Chan—”

“Shh.”

He kissed your inner thigh, lips dragging dangerously close to your center, but not touching. Not yet.

“You have no idea how many times I thought about this,” he said against your skin. “How many nights I imagined tasting you.”

And then his fingers hooked your underwear and tore them down.

You gasped.

He looked up at you from between your thighs, eyes dark and blown.

And then — finally — his mouth closed over your core.

Your knees buckled.

You moaned his name, loud and desperate, and he growled into you, arms locking around your thighs as he dragged you closer. His tongue was everywhere — licking, curling, sucking your clit in a rhythm that was absolutely obscene.

You lost time.

Lost sense.

You gripped his hair and ground against his face, your body taking what it needed because he wouldn’t stop, he wouldn’t let you breathe, and when his fingers slipped inside you, you came so hard your vision blacked out for a second.

“Fuck— fuck—” you sobbed, hips jerking.

He rode it out. Held you through it. Slowed down only when you begged him to.

And then he stood.

Still fully clothed.

Hard as a rock behind his jeans.

You couldn’t think. Could barely stand.

“Take it off,” you breathed, grabbing the hem of his shirt.

But he was already on it — pulling it over his head, tossing it aside, eyes locked to yours.

And fuck.

He was beautiful. He had always been.

His body was all sharp muscle and light skin and hunger, abs flexing as he worked his jeans open, breath stuttering like he couldn’t believe this was real.

And when he stepped out of them — hard, flushed, huge — you choked on your own gasp.

He grinned.

“Scared?”

You shook your head.

“Good,” he murmured. “Because I’m not gonna be gentle.”

You moaned.

He pushed you back until the backs of your knees hit the bed.

Then shoved you onto it.

Climbed on top of you, hands bracketing your head, knees parting your thighs.

“Hands up,” he said.

You obeyed instantly, arms stretched above you on the pillow.

He leaned down, kissed your lips like they were sacred.

“Keep them there.”

You nodded.

He lined himself up — and hovered for just a second.

“I’ve wanted you for so long,” he whispered. “If I start, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop.”

“Then don’t stop.”

And he thrust in.

Hard.

You arched up with a cry, nails digging into the sheets as he filled you to the hilt. He groaned above you, head falling to your shoulder, arms shaking with restraint.

“You feel like fucking heaven,” he breathed.

He gave you a moment.

And then he started to move.

Fast. Deep. Merciless.

The sound of skin slapping echoed through the room, and your gasps turned to cries, your hands fisting the sheets as he pounded into you like a mad man. Like he needed it. His fingers tangled with yours above your head, pinning you in place as his hips slammed into you again and again and again—

“Fuck—! Chan—”

“You’re mine,” he growled. “You’re so fucking mine.”

Your fourth orgasm tore through you like fire, and Chan groaned when he felt you clench around him, hips stuttering as he chased his own end.

And when he pulled out last-second and came all over your stomach, hot and messy and shaking, you felt like your soul had left your body.

You both collapsed.

Silence.

Only breath and heat and the soft whisper of, “Holy shit.”

You turned your head to look at him.

He looked at you. And he smiled.

—

It was the sun that woke you.

Bright and slow, bleeding through the gap in the curtains and painting gold across the bed. You stirred, eyes still closed, your body humming with a dull ache — sore thighs, tender hips, a deep throb between your legs that made your breath catch.

And then you felt it.

Warm skin at your back.

A chest rising and falling slowly behind you.

An arm, heavy and wrapped around your waist, fingers splayed possessively just under your ribs. His scent still clung to your skin — sweat and something darker, heady, him.

And that’s when the memories crashed in.

The bathroom.

The restaurant.

The bed.

The way he’d pinned your hands above your head and fucked you like he meant to wreck you.

Your cheeks burned instantly, eyes flying open.

Holy shit.

You slept with your best friend.

You slept with Chan.

And not just slept. You let him possess you— He had you on his face. His fingers, his mouth, his everything, and then he’d whispered things that should’ve made you run for the door but instead made you soaked.

You swallowed thickly.

And then the arm around your waist pulled you closer.

You yelped.

Chan groaned softly behind you, voice gravelled from sleep.

“Mm… what time is it?”

You didn’t answer. Because you didn’t know what to say.

He blinked his eyes open, peeking over your shoulder. “You okay?”

You turned to face him — slowly, hesitantly.

He looked wrecked. Hair a mess, voice hoarse, lips kiss-bruised and sleep-swollen.

Your stomach flipped.

“I’m fine,” you said. Then added, “Sore.”

He grinned — and you hated that your thighs clenched at the sight of it.

“Good sore or bad sore?”

“Chan—”

He slid his hand down to your hip, voice low.

“Because I can fix it.”

You stared at him. He wasn’t teasing. He meant it.

“Stop looking at me like that,” you whispered.

He quirked a brow. “Like what?”

“Like I’m still the same girl you— you—”

“Fucked six ways from Sunday?” he offered, smug.

Your face burned.

But then he leaned in, nuzzled his nose against yours.

And whispered: “You’re not.”

You blinked. “I’m not?”

He shook his head.

“You’re completely mine now remember?”

Your stomach flipped.

Your brain melted.

“Chan…”

“I’m serious,” he said. “Last night… that wasn’t just sex. That wasn’t just me losing my mind. That was me finally doing what I’ve wanted for months.”

You stared at him. He was serious.

“I thought this would ruin everything,” you whispered.

He tilted his head.

“And now?”

You took a breath.

And admitted it: “I don’t want to stop.”

He grinned. “I never was gonna let you.”

He pulled you into him, kissed you — slow, lazy, warm — and you melted right into his arms.

The morning didn’t feel awkward.

It didn’t feel scary.

It felt like the beginning of something new.

And then—

“I meant what I said last night, by the way,” Chan murmured against your mouth.

You blinked. “What part?”

“The part where I pin you down and fuck you like you stole from me.”

Your mouth dropped open. “You already did—”

“And the part where I cum all over your face.”

“CHRISTOPHER—”

“Just letting you know what’s on the schedule.”

You slapped his chest, flustered beyond belief.

He just laughed.

And kissed you again.

“Cum on my face, huh?”

Your voice came out soft. Dangerous.

Chan blinked. His grin froze on his lips. “…Uh-oh.”

You rolled onto him. Just like that. Bare skin on bare skin, straddling his hips while he stared up at you with those huge, still-sleepy eyes.

But sleep was over.

You rutted your hips once, slowly, deliberately—feeling the way his cock stirred between your thighs—and he made a sound.

“Y’know,” you said, sweet and sharp, “you’re not the only one with fantasies.”

His hands gripped your hips instantly. “Oh?”

“Mmhmm.” You leaned down until your mouth brushed his ear. “You’re not the only one who thinks about pinning someone down.”

He hissed.

“And I know you like control, but imagine this—” you rolled your hips again, voice turning breathy, “—imagine me riding you so hard you beg me to let you cum.”

He groaned.

“Imagine I keep going… and don’t let you. Just to see how long you last.”

“Fuck—”

“And I’ve thought about your mouth too. Not just eating me out—though, Christ—” you shuddered, “—I still don’t think i can walk right, thanks for that—”

He smirked proudly.

“But I’ve thought about your whimpers too. What you sound like when I suck you so slow you start losing your mind.”

You kissed down his chest, dragging your nails across his abs, feeling him tense and twitch beneath you.

“I wanna leave marks,” you whispered. “Wanna make you look wrecked for me.”

Chan was flushed now. Practically trembling under you.

“Baby girl,” he rasped. “You’re gonna kill me.”

You smiled.

And slid down between his legs.

“I haven’t even started.”

He wasn’t ready, but you took your time.

You teased him with your mouth first — slow licks up his shaft, tongue circling the tip, only enough suction to drive him insane. You had your hands braced on his thighs, nails biting into skin just enough to own him.

“Jesus—” he gasped, head thrown back. “You’re—fuck, that’s good—”

You moaned around him and watched his hips twitch up, his hand flying to your hair like instinct, fingers tightening in warning.

“Babe— I swear—if you keep going like this, I’m gonna—”

You pulled off right before he came.

And smirked.

“Oh, we’re doing this now?” he asked, breathless.

“Damn right we are,” you said, climbing back on top of him. “I’m getting mine now.”

You lined him up, braced yourself—

And sank down in one slow, maddening slide.

Chan’s eyes rolled back.

You didn’t even move for a full ten seconds. Just sat there, gripping his chest, clenching around him until he was panting.

And then you rode him. Like a woman possessed.

You weren’t slow. You were relentless. Skin slapping, sweat slicking your bodies together, his hands scrambling for purchase on your hips as you bounced with wild, desperate rhythm.

“Fuck—fuck— you’re insane,” he groaned.

“Say you love it,” you panted.

“I fucking love it—!”

You leaned down and bit his shoulder.

And that was it.

He flipped you over without warning, slammed back into you hard enough to rattle the headboard, and locked your wrists above your head like he had something to prove.

You moaned his name so loud it echoed.

He looked down at you — hair in his eyes, lips parted, body dripping sweat — and whispered, “I’m gonna fuck you until you can’t talk.”

“Try me.”

So he did.

You lost count of how many times you came. How many times he made you scream. The sun climbed higher outside and you never even noticed.

He had you on your back.

Then on your stomach.

Then on your side with one leg thrown over his hips while he pounded into you, growling your name like a prayer he didn’t deserve to say.

And when you came again — thighs shaking, back arched, eyes fluttering — he pulled out and came all over your chest, jaw tight and groaning like it destroyed him.

You lay there for a second.

“Holy… fuck,” you breathed.

Chan flopped beside you.

“Yeah.”

Silence.

Then:

“…I want pancakes,” you whispered.

Chan turned his head, eyes still blown wide. “How the fuck are you thinking about pancakes right now?”

You smiled lazily.

“I burn calories fast.”

He groaned into the pillow.

“You’re gonna kill me.”

You rolled onto your side and kissed his cheek.

“But what a way to go.”

—

You were wearing nothing but Chan’s shirt and a pair of socks.

And it was doing things to him.

He stood at the stove, shirtless, trying to focus on flipping pancakes while you leaned over the counter, hair messy, skin glowing, humming some made-up song about how much you deserved “carbs and cuddles after all that cardio.”

“You’re just using me for my protein,” he muttered, hiding a grin.

You stretched dramatically, popping a strawberry into your mouth. “Technically, you used me for your protein.”

Chan nearly burned the pancake.

You laughed when he choked on air, stepping over to whack his back. “Careful, old man. I still need you alive for round– wait, how many rounds now?”

He turned his head, gave you a look that could scorch.

“Keep talking like that and we’re not making it to breakfast.”

You kissed his shoulder. “Then hurry up. I’m starving.”

He flipped the last pancake with a little more urgency.

A few minutes later, the two of you were at his mini kitchen table, knees brushing under the surface, your plate stacked high like a kid at a sleepover.

“You know,” you said through a mouthful of syrupy goodness, “this is dangerously close to looking like a real relationship.”

Chan froze.

You blinked. “What?”

He tilted his head. “Is that… a bad thing?”

You paused.

Fork halfway to your mouth.

“…No.”

He watched you carefully. “Because I was kinda hoping it was.”

You squinted. “Hoping it was bad?”

“No—” he laughed, raking a hand through his hair. “No, I mean—I was hoping it was a relationship. Or that it could be.”

Your heart thudded.

Hard.

“Chan…”

He looked nervous for the first time since he’d had you straddling him in bed the night before.

“I don’t wanna go back,” he said. “Not to pretending. Not to brushing this off. That’s not what last night was for me.”

You set your fork down gently.

“It wasn’t for me either.”

The tension cracked open—just a little—and he reached across the table, linking your fingers together.

“I’ve wanted you for a long time,” he said quietly.

You nodded. “I think I have too.”

“And I know we were reckless and a little feral and probably woke my neighbors up—”

“They applauded, Chan.”

He laughed.

You smiled.

But then—his eyes softened.

And his voice turned sincere. “Can I take you out?”

Your brows lifted. “You always do”

He smirked. “Like, properly. Date you. Buy you dinner. Try to behave myself.”

You leaned your chin on your hand, pretending to think. “And if you fail miserably?”

“Then I’ll behave badly… respectfully.”

You grinned.

“Okay,” you said. “I’m in.”

He looked so genuinely happy you felt it in your bones.

You finished breakfast in a daze of syrup and laughter, tangled limbs and coffee stolen from each other’s mugs. And when he pulled you back onto the couch, wrapped around you like he couldn’t get close enough, you let him.

Because somehow, this—this—felt more dangerous than anything that happened last night.

Not because it was wild. But because it was real.

And you both knew? You were in trouble.

The best kind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Authors note: GUYS!!! WE HIT 1K FOLLOWERS!!!! 🤩 wowwwww, thank you so much for always reading and indulging my delulu 😭❤️ i love you guyssssss! I think i will be doing a new series since Angry Boys did well, but ill make a poll to know what direction to go next and until then, please leave nice comments, likes and a reblog if you enjoyed this!

Taglist: @tsunderelino @innieandsungielover @inlovewithstraykids @reignessance @jeonismm @sttnficrecs @herejusttemporary @krssliu @kenia4 @miilquetoast @thackery-blinks @leeminho-hall @suga-is-bae @butterflydemons @inejghafawifesblog @malunar28replies @minchanlimbo @mal-lunar-28 @breakmeofftbr @itvenorica124 @slut4junho @deepblueocean97 @thequibbie @yaorzu-blog @imagine-all-the-imagines @just-bria @mischievousleeknow @ifyxu @melanctton @thelostprincessofasgard @binniebb @sillylittlecat1 @darkwitchoferie @m-325 @headfirstfortoro @imseungminsgf @ihrtlix @vernorica123 @hwangjoanna @swordswallower2000 @niki007 @yxna-bliss @firelordtsuki @justwonder113 @mbioooo0000

[lolab4t]

off duty - part two | 18+

MINORS DNI

ᝰ.ᐟ this is part two of off duty! the first part didn't include smut, but this one does, so please keep that in mind.

pairing: avenger!bucky barnes x fem!avenger!younger!reader summary: days after the tipsy night on the couch, you're left wondering what it meant... especially with bucky acting infuriatingly normal. the tension leads to a steamy exchange between the two, where bucky seems to let go of his gentleman manners for a bit. word count: 8.2k warning(s): 18+ explicit content warning, smut, mature themes, light swearing, some power dynamics, alcohol consumption/intoxication (references to past use), fluff, use of nicknames, age gap, mutual confusion a/n: if you saw the original part two before i deleted it... no u didn't :) i was so shocked by the love of the first part and was super unprepared to make a second, so i made a few indecisive choice lol. i really hope you enjoy :) and if you do, please feel free to like, comment, or reblog! <3 also, requests are open!

a few days had passed since that night on the sofa. it was almost as if it had never happened. you were spiraling, wondering if you had imagined it during your drunken haze. you kept replaying that night on the couch, unsure if it was real or some alcohol-fueled fantasy. the only confirmation? the team’s constant teasing.

but bucky? that asshole was silent as ever.

bucky never reacted. he simply ignored the comments. even when the group had found you on the couch and battered you with questions, his expression remained neutral, as if he had no reason to feel awkward. the amount of comments made by tony that he just brushed off was impressive. you, on the other hand, were a flustered, hungover mess.

not to mention you hadn’t really talked to bucky much since then.

well, you had… technically. a few "good mornings," maybe a nod across the gym… nothing that really counted. nothing that explained any of the tension. maybe he was just being friendly, and you misread it. but you couldn’t shake the feeling that something was different in the way he acted around you. he started sitting closer during movie nights… he'd taunt you and give you a playful smirk every time you so much as tripped on a training mat. it was such a stark difference to how he treated you before that night. he was treating you like a friend, which made you consider whether you wanted him to treat you as something more or not. whether you wanted his hands on you again…

now, you found yourself still in your gear after a mission, standing in front of your mirror. you had been struggling with the straps of your vest, too exhausted to deal with any of it. the fabric was tight, and the clasps just wouldn’t come undone.

you hadn’t even realized bucky was standing in the doorway, watching you, until he stood in front of you.

he likely had heard your grunts of frustration and came to check on you. perfect asshole.

"having trouble?" he gently started removing the straps, helping you out of your gear slowly.

was he doing this on purpose? could he not tell how your breathing became more shallow when he did shit like that? maybe he was torturing you.

"why do you always seem to be helping me out of clothing?" you asked, not realizing how dirty-minded it actually sounded until he snickered, causing your face to go red.

god… he's so hot when he makes that smug ass face.

"you know what i mean—" you rushed to clarify, but he was already smirking.

"you mean those pretty little heels from the other night?" he chuckled, putting your gear away. he turned back to you, closing the distance a little, "you remember that?"

so, you hadn't imagined it. it had actually happened. all this time, he had thought you didn’t remember… you felt a little relieved.

how could you NOT remember? you couldn't look at him all week without feeling yourself get hot.

the adrenaline from his closeness caused your head to swim a bit, "of course i do, 'doll.' i was tipsy, not blackout drunk," you smirked, meeting his gaze, refusing to look away.

bucky grinned, watching you with an amused expression.

"really? you could've fooled me. i thought you forgot the whole thing, or were pretending to."

"what's that supposed to mean?" you narrowed your eyes, still smiling subtly.

you would've never wanted to forget it.

he hummed, "i dunno. you've just been acting kind of distant since that night. you're a little young. thought i might've went too far."

went too far? hell, he didn't go far enough.

you scoffed playfully, tilting your head, "you scared of me or something, old man?"

you didn't think your next words through, unable to stop yourself from just saying what you were thinking, "you didn't go far enough…" your voice came out as a whisper.

you could see that cocky look in his eyes start to break. he bit his lip, shaking his head, "you're killing me, doll. here i am trying to be a gentleman…"

his smirk returned as he stepped closer, "unless you'd like me to stop trying."

all you had to do was give him a nod before his lips smashed onto yours.

the kiss was heated and rough. his hands were roaming all over your body, your fingers tangling into his hair.

he groaned into your mouth, one hand gripping your hip while the other wrapped around the back of your neck like he’d been dying to do this for weeks.

"this what you wanted, doll?" he murmured against your lips. you could feel the smirk.

"i want more," you breathed, gripping onto his shoulders.

his metal hand slid beneath your combat gear top, fingers tracing up your spine. cool against the heat of your skin. his touch was teasing. almost maddeningly slow.

"you sure you can handle more, sweetheart?" he whispered into your neck, lips brushing skin with every word. "you're already shaking."

you were. damn it. the adrenaline rush was affecting you physically.

"shut up," you muttered, trying to push at his chest — not really meaning it. “asshole.”

“that’s more like it,” he grinned. “that’s my girl.”

my girl.

your breath caught.

he noticed. of course he did. you could practically feel his cocky smirk against your neck.

bucky pulled back just enough to look at you again, eyes flicking across your face. you could see the restraint in his eyes… like he was holding himself back, waiting for a sign.

so you gave him one.

one hand slid under his shirt, palms grazing the lines of his abs. your other hand fiddled with his belt. you leaned in, kissed him slow, more deliberate this time. no rush. no panic. just want. desire.

he responded instantly, like he’d been waiting for this since that night on the sofa. his hands gripped your waist, walking you backward until your shoulder blades hit the nearest wall.

“tell me to stop,” he murmured against your lips, voice ragged.

you didn’t. obviously.

instead, you dragged his shirt up over his head. that vibranium arm came to rest on the wall beside your head, bracing him, and you, as he pressed closer. the cool of the metal contrasted with the heat of his body, and it made you shiver.

he smiled against your jaw. “still shaking.”

"still an asshole." you snapped back, slightly breathless.

his hand traveled under your top again, “you’re not wearing anything under this,” he muttered, almost like he was scolding himself. “young people these days…” he joked, grinning again.

“then don’t waste time,” you said breathlessly, tugging at his belt.

that did it.

sloppy make out. hands everywhere. your shirt joined his on the floor.

he guided you to the bed, carefully, like he was still asking permission with every step. even in the heat of it, he was gentle. attentive. like if he didn’t handle you right, you’d vanish. still a perfect gentleman.

once there, he wasted no time. he helped you out of your pants, pulling your panties off with them. hovering above you, he moved down, closer to where you needed him most.

“you’re beautiful,” he murmured into your inner thighs, almost like he didn’t mean to say it out loud.

“bucky—” you breathed, fingers tangling in his hair again as you felt his tongue on your clit.

the way he moved was practiced, but not detached. it was about you. every reaction he pulled from you only made him more desperate, more focused. it wasn’t long before your voice was breaking on his name, back arching off the mattress as he took you apart with nothing but his mouth.

when he finally came up for air, pupils blown, lips swollen, hair messy from your fingers… he simply smirked.

god... he was killing you.

“still want more?”

you nodded, dazed. “god, yes.”

he crawled back over you, leaving a trail of gentle kisses on your skin in his wake.

and when he finally sank into you — need seemed to claw through the both of you, hot and impatient.

not rushed, but there was urgency.

it built slowly until you were unraveling in his arms, and he followed with a groan against your throat.

he held onto you like he had done on the couch that night. when you had fallen asleep in his arms.

for a while, you just lay there, both letting out laughs of disbelief.

"guess chivalry is dead," you joked, flashing him a mischievous smile.

"oh, really?" he gave you an amused grin. "i tried to be a gentleman. you told me to stop trying."

thanks so much for reading <3 requests are open!

taglist: @delfitaylorsversion131989 @planetzeidy @weniswow @moinblack @slutforsr @winchestert101

[em1i2a3]

Send The Pain Below

Pairing: Bob/Robert Reynolds/The Sentry/The Void x Thunderbolts!Fem!Reader

Summary: After you return from a mission severely injured, Bob can’t help but offer you as much help as possible.

Warnings: Semi-Spoilers for Thunderbolts cause Bob. Hurt/Comfort, Fluff (kind of?), Mentions of Injuries/Blood

Author’s Note: Hey y’all! I had this on my WIP list and wanted to get it out, this wasn’t a request I just randomly wrote this and literally didn’t have a clue on how to end it to be quite honest lol. But I didn’t want it clogging up my drafts, and the idea was good in theory.

Word Count: 4,859

The elevator doors of the compound slid open with a quiet hiss, and you stepped out like your body might give out if you stopped moving for even a second.

Your boots landed heavy on the tile, your limp was masked only by sheer willpower and the remaining adrenaline you had running through your veins. Every step sent a bolt of pain up your legs, through your hips, lancing into your ribs and shoulders like tiny barbed wires that threaded themselves deeper with each shift. You didn’t stop to breathe–because it felt like if you tried to, your ribs were going to break.

Throughout the entire ride up to your living quarters, you hadn’t been still for a moment. You paced the tight space of the elevator like a caged animal–shaking, twitching, trying to outrun the memory of the fight. The metal walls had felt too close, too quiet, too loud with your thoughts.

Now, in the open hallway, your ears were still ringing. All you could smell was blood and dirt–iron and ash clinging to your skin like a second, suffocating layer. You didn’t know if it was your blood or someone else’s. You didn’t want to try and figure that out though.

“Hey, I called medical, they’re waiting for you.” Bucky’s voice echoed from the living room. He knew you were coming. He had been communicating with you through your comms the entire mission, and he had gotten a call from the extraction team who gave him a heads up on the damage you had taken.

”I’m fine.” You muttered back. Your steps were stiff, bordering on robotic. Blood had soaked through the fabric at your waist and dried in large dark patches. You were grateful you wore black tactical gear, because if you didn’t it probably would’ve looked like you worked at a butcher shop. One sleeve was ripped open, revealing a long, nasty cut that ran from your bicep to your elbow, and your back felt like it had been slammed through a concrete wall–and it actually had, or at least maybe in your haze you had convinced yourself that happened.

It was your first solo mission. A simple infiltration, Valentina had said. The mission description screamed that it was going to be quick and easy, you had planned it out so much, and you did everything right.

But it hadn’t been enough.

You rounded the corner into the living room, and all the conversations and commotion died instantly.

“Holy shit, Y/N.” Yelena said under her breath, getting up from the couch. You continued to drag yourself towards the washroom, ignoring the comment.

”Y/N, you’re not fine kid, come on–let’s not try to act tough right now. You need to go see medical.” Walker added, following suit with Yelena. You didn’t slow your steps, nor did you look back, because you knew if you stopped now you’d be glued to the floor, and you wouldn’t be able to keep moving.

You could feel the weight of their stares burning into your back as you made your way towards the washroom with one hand trailing the edge of the wall to stabilize yourself. Your vision was swimming–edges soft, depth distorted–but you knew this floor, this hallway, this layout, and thankfully you could walk it blind if your sight gave out.

“Y/N you’re literally leaving a trail of blood across the floor, this isn’t a walk it off type of situation here.” Ava commented, joining in on the pestering, her voice sharp and worried. Yet you still didn’t answer them, you just kept moving.

”Is she even hearing us?” Walker asked, his voice dropping an octave, then a door in the hallway opened and Alexei poked his head out of his bedroom, disheveled and confused from the commotion that was happening, tying his robe around his beefy upper body. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, and right when he saw you there was an immediate look of concern that appeared on his face.

“Dorogaya,” He called gently, his brows pinching “You walk like dead woman.” You clenched your jaw hard enough at his words that it made your teeth ache.

“Let someone help, yes?” He added, his voice softer now, as if his words might land easier that way, “You don’t get glory for dying on your feet.” You felt your fingers curl slightly against the wall, but you didn’t trust your voice enough to respond–not with the heat gathering behind your eyes, not with the pain that was spiking again through your spine.

”She’s not listening to anyone,” Ava muttered behind you, voice tight. You didn’t hear the rest of what they said.

The voices behind you melted into background noise–blurred and echoing like they were underwater. You just kept moving. One foot in front of the other. Focused on the hall ahead, on the door you shared with Bob at the end of it. Your hand skimmed the wall, dragging along the paint like it was the only thing anchoring you upright.

The blood trail you left behind was uneven, smeared where your boot dragged slightly on the right side. You didn’t even feel the cuts anymore–not sharply, anyway. Just a dull throb beneath the surface of everything, like your whole body had been submerged in concrete and it was slowly starting to harden around you.

When you finally reached the door, you shouldered it open, and stumbled into the washroom. The light was too bright. The silence–too still.

You stood there for a second, just swaying feeling a wave of dizziness come over you. Then you slammed the door shut, and locked it, enclosing yourself in the small space you and Bob inhabited together.

Then it was just you.

You, and the sound of your breath–shallow, rattling, uneven, and crackling–shaking in your chest like it was a broken metronome. Now that you were alone you could also hear the light above you buzzing faintly, even though there was still a bit of bickering happening outside the door.

You moved stiffly to the switch for the fan and turned it on, letting the low hum kick in above your head. It vibrated in the walls, just enough to mute the sound of your breathing. Then you shuffled over to the shower, reaching in to turn on the hot water in one swift movement, hissing when your shoulder screamed out in pain. The pipes groaned slightly before water burst from the head, pounding into the tile like a rainstorm. Hot. Loud. And endless. Steam immediately began to fill the space, and that’s exactly what you needed–warmth, something to ease the pain that was about to come in full force.

All you wanted right now was solitude. You wanted to lick your wounds like an animal crawling into the shadows–quiet and wild and unwilling to be witnessed. You needed to hurt where no one could see it. Needed to unravel in private, where the grief could live without apology, and the shame could breathe.

You turned back toward the center of the washroom, your vision still swimming, limbs trembling slightly from the effort it had taken just to reach this far. The steam was already clouding the mirror, mercifully dulling the image of yourself–like even your reflection was sparing you the full truth of what you’d become.

You didn’t want to see it. Not clearly. Not yet.

Your fingers fumbled with the front of your vest, the fabric stiff and heavy with blood. It took two tries to get the buckle unclipped–your fingers were sticky and slippery, or maybe they were just numb–and when the strap finally gave, the release jolted your injured shoulder hard enough that your breath hitched through clenched teeth.

You pressed your lips together, hard, swallowing the sound before it could escape.

The velcro at your chest peeled back with a slow, wet rip, and the vest shifted. The weight of it–soaked through, dense and clinging–pulled down at your frame like it wanted to take you with it to the floor.

You reached up to shrug it off, and a bolt of pain exploded across your ribs. Your body locked up immediately, breath freezing in your lungs. For a moment, your knees threatened to buckle completely.

You caught yourself on the sink, gasping.

Your palm left a smear of blood against the porcelain.

Tears burned behind your eyes–not from sadness. From sheer, helpless agony.

Still, you didn’t cry. Not yet.

You stayed hunched over the sink, chest heaving, shoulders trembling with the effort it took just to stay upright. The pain was beginning to spike higher with each passing second–as if your body, now freed from the armor, had decided it was safe to let you feel everything all at once.

Your eyes flicked to the mirror again, just briefly. Your reflection was almost gone now, consumed by steam. Just a shape. Just a shadow of what was left of you.

You reached out blindly for the medicine cabinet.

The metal clinked as you opened it, and your fingers searched through the shelves with shaky, clumsy movements until they found the bottle. White cap. Red label. Tylenol.

It was something and it was all you had.

You unscrewed the lid with fingers that barely cooperated, spilling two pills into your hand. You didn’t have the strength to care about how many milligrams it was or if you’d already taken some earlier–which for the record, you didn’t. All you knew was that the pain had to come down–just a little–before you could finish what needed to be done.

You popped the pills into your mouth and chewed.

Bitter.

Chalky.

The taste coated your tongue like poison. It hit the back of your throat like ash.

You reached down, turned the faucet on with your uninjured hand, and leaned in to catch a handful of lukewarm water. You brought it to your mouth quickly, sloshed it back, swallowed hard.

The pills scraped down your throat like gravel.

You stayed there for a moment, hunched over the sink, your hands braced on either side. The water kept running. The fan kept humming. The shower roared behind you, thick steam curling around your legs, climbing your spine.

You wanted to rest. Just for a second, but you knew you couldn’t.

Not while you were still covered in blood. Not while your pants were still clinging to your thigh like a bandage made of fabric and failure.

You let the water run. You didn’t have the energy to turn it off.

Your fingers drifted down toward your utility belt next. You unclipped it slowly, fumbling with the strap at your hip until it loosened and slid free. The belt thudded heavily to the floor, landing beside the vest. It sounded final. Like a chapter closing.

Then came your pants.

You didn’t want to look.

You already knew what was underneath–your thigh had been burning since the moment you’d hit the floor in that alley. Your hip had felt wet and wrong the second the rebar tore your side open.

Still, you slid your thumbs into the waistband and began to shimmy them down—inch by inch. Pain flared instantly.

The cut across your thigh had stuck to the inside lining. As the fabric peeled away, it reopened with a slick, wet sound and a wave of heat that flooded your vision with white.

You gasped again, one hand grabbing the counter to stay upright. Your breath broke mid-exhale, and the sound you made was something just shy of a sob.

Blood rolled down the side of your thigh in a thin, fresh ribbon.

You stood there half-undressed and trembling, your legs streaked with red, your body steaming in the mirror’s haze, and your throat thick with everything you were still trying to hold back.

————————

Outside in the hallway, the team hovered like ghosts–uncertain whether to press in or give space, tense with the kind of helpless energy that made people argue just to feel useful.

Walker had his ear against the wall, arms crossed, one brow furrowed as he strained to hear through the sound of the water. “I think I heard her,” he muttered. “She made a sound…Not good.”

“I told you she should’ve gone straight to medical,” Ava said under her breath, pacing a slow, tight line across the hall. “We should just go in there.”

“No,” Yelena cut in, her voice quieter but far more final. “She locked the door. Let her have a minute.”

“You saw her,” Walker snapped. “She doesn’t have a minute, are we gonna break down the door if she passes out?!”

”No, I’ll just phase through and unlock the door you idiot.” Ava shot back, and before Walker could rebuttal, Bob’s door creaked open, causing everyone to turn their heads to look at him.

He stood in the frame like he hadn’t even realized they were all there. He was barefoot, dressed in a baggy dark grey scrub set, similar to the ones they found him in when they met him in the O.X.E Vault–when he had admitted he found them comfortable you had gone out and bought him a few pairs. His light brown hair was tousled, and extremely flat on one side like he had just peeled himself off his mattress. He looked like he had just rubbed out a decade of sleep from his eyes as he stretched.

”…W-What’s going on?” He asked, his voice slow and sleep-warm, like it hadn’t yet left the fog of dreams. He blink slowly, shoulders hunching forward slightly under the baggy scrub top. Walker turned to him first, running a hand down his face, exasperation cooling into something just a little more worried.

”Y/N is in the washroom,” Bob’s brows drew together in confusion, almost as if he was urging him to go on, “She came back from a mission looking like absolute hell–like barely walking and bleeding everywhere. She locked the door and hasn’t said anything to us since.” Yelena crossed her arms.

“She won’t let any of us in either…” Bucky said, as everyone began to exchange glances at one another, “But how about you give it a try?” Bob’s arms hung stiff at his sides, fingers curling and uncurling against the fabric of his scrub top, like his body was trying to move before his mind could catch up.

“…M-Me?” He asked, voice quiet–half-hoarse with sleep, half-tight with something else he hadn’t figured out how to name. His eyes flicked toward the washroom door, then back to the group, unsure. “W-Why me?”

Yelena was the one who answered. Calm. Certain. No hesitation.

“Because you’re her friend. And she trusts you.”

Bob’s shoulders twitched at the word–friend–like it didn’t feel big enough to carry the weight of what you were to him. It didn’t feel small either. Just…Not right. Not complete. Not everything.

“She listens to you…She likes being around you and she trusts you…” Bob looked down, jaw shifting slightly. His hands came up, one running across the back of his neck, the other tugging anxiously at the loose sleeve of his shirt. He could feel the familiar burn start to gather low in his chest–the one that always came with too many emotions pressing up at once, begging for escape.

He wasn’t good with being needed. He wasn’t used to being the person someone called for when everything fell apart.

But you’d never made him feel like a burden.

Not once.

Even when he couldn’t meet your eyes. Even when his hands shook too hard to pour water. Even when he curled up on the floor and told you he wasn’t sure if he was real. You stayed. You held his face in your hands and called him Bob in a voice that made it sound like that name had never belonged to anyone else. You were his calm…And now he needed to try and return the favour.

He swallowed hard.

“Okay,” He whispered,“I’ll try…Just…B-Back away for a second okay, or g-go down the hall.” The team scattered almost immediately, as Bob took one shaky breath and padded forward, every step louder in his ears than it should’ve been. He cleared his throat and knocked gently on the door.

”Hey…Y/N…I-It’s me,” He said, barely louder than the sound of the fan humming on the other side of the barrier between them. He pressed his hand flat to the wood, almost like he would be able to feel you through it, “I–I know you probably don’t want to s-see anyone right now…I get it, I–I do…But…” He faltered for a moment, glancing down the hall seeing the rest of the team watching him.

”B-But can I come in? Please?” There was a pause. A long one, but he didn’t move, he waited until there was a sign to either go, or come in.

And then–the lock turned.

His heart thudded, heavy and thick against his ribs, a soft sigh escaping his lips.

He pushed the door open slowly, the rush of steam hitting him in a wave. It curled around his ankles, ghosted against his chest, and painted the room in a blur of heat and wet air. The mirror was almost completely fogged, and the fan overhead did nothing to stop the fog from swallowing the space whole.

And then he saw you.

You were standing by the sink, half-turned, wearing only your sports bra and underwear. Blood was smeared down your leg in stark red streaks, tracing the lines of torn muscle and raw, reopened skin. Your shoulder was mottled purple and yellow, your arm wrapped around your ribs protectively like the pressure might keep something from falling apart.

Your face turned toward him when he entered. Slowly.

And even though you weren’t crying, not exactly, your eyes were glassy–rimmed with something bitter and deep, something that looked a hell of a lot like defeat.

“J-Jesus,” Bob whispered, the breath barely making it past his throat.

His stomach dropped. His hands clenched uselessly at his sides, eyes scanning every part of you like he didn’t know where to look first.

Your cheek had a shallow cut beneath the eye, already beginning to swell. Your lip was split. There was dirt caked under your nails, your hair was stuck to your neck with sweat and blood, and your expression–when your eyes finally locked on his–was exhausted in a way he’d never seen on you before.

You looked like you had fought through the end of the world and barely made it out breathing.

“Y/N…” He breathed, and for a second he couldn’t move. Couldn’t talk. Couldn’t function. His throat tightened so sharply it almost made him cough. You shook your head slowly–once, twice–like each motion cost you something.

Bob flinched.

Not because you scared him, but because you looked like you were unraveling and still trying to hold it all in place. Because even just shaking your head seemed to hurt. Because you’d finally let someone in, and he didn’t know if he could be the person you needed, but God, he wanted to be.

He shut the door behind him gently, a soft click that sealed the two of you into that steam-filled quiet, then turned the lock. The air was thick, and his scrubs were already starting to cling to his chest, but he didn’t care.

His eyes were still moving over you–your thigh, your ribs, your face–and something in his jaw worked like he was trying not to cry for you.

“I–” He started, then stopped, trying again a second later “I know you don’t wanna hear it, but…M–Maybe we should go to medical, just for a minute. Y-You’re bleeding pretty bad and I–”

”No, Bob.” Your voice was sharp. Not cruel, but tired. Bone-deep tired. Your eyes were hollowed by it. “I don’t want to go. Don’t ask me again.”Bob’s lips parted. He froze like you’d slapped him with the words.

His hands came up instantly–palms out, defensive, the way someone does when they know they’ve stepped over the line. “Okay. Okay. I–I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to–I just…”

His voice cracked, soft and breathless, and his lashes fluttered quickly like something was stinging behind his eyes. “I–I just didn’t know what else to say. I just–I wanna help.”

You didn’t answer right away. You turned back toward the mirror, wincing slightly, your weight shifting between your feet like even standing was a negotiation.

Bob took a step forward. Then another.

“C-Can we at least get you cleaned up?” He asked, voice gentler now. “Just… Just so we can see the damage a little better? I–I promise I won’t touch anything unless you say it’s okay…And I–I won’t bring up medical again…”

You blinked at your own reflection. Or rather, at the smeared suggestion of it–nothing but a shadow behind fog and grief and wet heat. Your throat bobbed, your lips parted, and for a moment, the only sound in the room was the roar of the water pounding the tile behind you.

Then, slowly–like each movement had to be dug out of you one inch at a time–you nodded.

Just once.

Bob exhaled like he’d been holding his breath since the door opened. “Okay,” He murmured, so quietly it barely reached you. “Okay.”

He moved carefully, like you were a wild animal that might spook. His hands stayed visible, slow and shaking just slightly. His voice was raw and steady all at once. You watched him in the mirror as he stepped around you to reach the shower, his eyes flicking back to your face every few seconds like he was checking to make sure he wasn’t doing something wrong.

He pulled his scrub top over his head. His chest was lean and pale, the faint trace of old scars visible across his ribs. He didn’t look at you while he did it–he wasn’t doing this to be seen, only to be with you. To match your vulnerability. To show you he wasn’t going to ask you to do something he wouldn’t do beside you.

Then the pants went next, dropped quickly to the tile with a soft thund. He stepped into the shower in only his boxers, reaching up to adjust the temperature with a small frown, his brow furrowing as steam curled around him. Then, gently–so gently–it was his voice again.

“C’mon. I’ve got you.”

You turned, just barely, and let him take your hand. His fingers laced through yours so softly it nearly broke you. You stepped forward, and he guided you into the stream like you were made of glass and grief and things that couldn’t be named without breaking apart.

The moment your skin hit the water, the heat scalded into every nerve ending that had been screaming silently for hours.

You cried out.

Your knees gave out without warning, your body folding in on itself with a sudden, sharp gasp of pain.

“Woah–woah, hey, hey–I’ve got you–” Bob’s voice cracked mid-sentence as he caught you, his arms sliding around your waist and shoulder just in time to keep you from hitting the floor.

You collapsed against him with the weight of everything. Your cheek pressed to the curve of his collarbone, your ribcage shaking with shallow, broken breaths as the water soaked your skin, turning the blood on your body to long, diluted streaks that ran in ribbons down your legs, and floated around his.

Bob eased you down slowly. The tile kissed your knees, too cold beneath all the heat, but his arms stayed around you–tight, protective, and stable. He let himself sit with you fully, legs folding beneath his weight as he cradled you in his lap, one hand braced gently at your lower back, the other spread over your ribs, careful not to press too hard.

His chest rose and fell against your shoulder, each breath a little too quick, a little too uneven. You could feel his heart hammering, not with fear, but with something else–some horrible, aching emotion that had nowhere to go but into the way he held you.

You tilted your head up slightly–just enough to look at him.

And the look on his face made your breath catch in your throat.

Bob wasn’t crying. But his eyes were wet, the rims pink, his brows drawn in tight with something that looked like devastation barely leashed. His jaw was clenched, not out of anger, but because he looked like if he let it go, it would all fall out–every emotion, every worry, every broken piece of what this had done to him.

”Don’t cry Bob…I’m fine.” Bob leaned in closer at your words, his brows tightening even more–not with disbelief, but with something gentler. Something so heavy with care it made your chest ache worse than your ribs.

His forehead came to rest against yours, water beading and dripping between your skin, breath warm and unsteady against your lips. His voice was just a murmur, barely there beneath the drum of the shower.

“Please d-don’t lie to me…” He whispered, closing his eyes. “I c-can’t…I can’t see you like this and not do something, I–”

His voice broke completely then. And it wasn’t loud. It wasn’t dramatic or violent. It was quiet devastation—the kind that crumbled inwards, the kind that shook hands and pressed foreheads and curled arms around broken bodies in the dark.

And then something in the air shifted.

It was subtle at first–so small you didn’t register it until it started to crawl up your spine.

A hum.

Not from the fan.

Not from the pipes.

Not from the water.

From him.

From the center of Bob’s chest, where it pressed faintly to yours. A vibration–gentle, low, like the world taking a breath. It was warm. Not hot like the water. Soft, like standing in sunlight after a long, cold night.

Bob didn’t seem to notice.

His arms stayed around you, trembling slightly but strong, his breath hitching once more as he whispered, “I–I would take it if I could. I’d take all of it, Y/N. I swear I would…” You blinked.

Once. Twice.

Then the numbness hit.

It started in your cheeks, right under where Bob’s forehead rested against yours. A strange, tingling sensation, like static running under your skin—like the prickle of limbs falling asleep, but deeper. Warmer. It began to spread across your jaw, down your neck, over the pulsing ache of your ribs. You stiffened slightly in his arms.

“B-Bob…” Your voice came out thin. Cautious. “Something’s… wrong. I—I think I’m—”

You pulled your head back.

Just an inch. Just enough to look at him.

And that’s when you saw it.

His eyes–his eyes–weren’t the soft blue they usually were. They weren’t even shimmering yellow like when the Sentry burned through him, lit up and alive and untouchable. No, this was something else entirely.

They were light.

Not glowing with light–made of it.

Warm and impossible, like the moment just before sunrise. Liquid gold, honeyed and bright, but threaded with something deeper–something eternal. Like looking into a star too close. Like watching the sky open.

Bob didn’t even seem to realize it. He was staring at you like you had changed. Like something was wrong with you.

His brows furrowed suddenly, breath catching. “What the hell…”

You froze.

“What?” you asked, voice sharp and shaky all at once. “Bob—what is it? What’s happening?”

His eyes searched your face, wide and stunned and almost afraid to believe what he was seeing.

“Your face…” he whispered, “Y/N… it’s–”

He reached up–slowly–and touched your cheek.

His fingertips brushed the skin just below your eye, where the cut had been. Where the swelling had bloomed purple and raw. There was nothing there now. Not even the tenderness. Just heat from the shower. Just clean, unbroken skin.

“It’s healed.”

You blinked again.

And now that he said it–you felt it.

The pounding in your ribs was gone.

The throb in your thigh, the searing line from your bicep to your elbow, the burn from the rebar in your side—it was all gone.

Your body felt heavy, yes, but no longer from pain. Just from the realization.

You looked down at your arms, your legs, your skin, now mostly clean under the steady pour of water–and new. Whole. No dried blood. No open wounds.

You looked back at him.

“Holy fuck…You healed me…Is the…Is the Sentry back or something?” He shook his head in confusion.

”I–I don’t know…I didn’t e-even know he could do t-that to other people…”

[cuntycompost]

Genuine question, how could something like this be undone?

I mean obviously that level of *heavy* socialisation and internalising is pretty hard to do anything about, and I’m not going to spend all my spoons trying to “fix him” on the wrong guys but like..

Idk, I’m reminded of my grandfather(/Nana’s partner) a lot in conversations like these - he grew up in a really sexist “you have to be a strong man with no feelings”/“the only thing that matters is your work ethic” environment, but at his core is really sweet. As an adult he fell for my Nana, who is Very Much Empathy First and is essentially the matriarch of my extended family (on her/my Mum’s side).

Over the years I’ve watched him deal with those internalised ideas being challenged (ie: my Nana letting us live with them when we were older teens getting into work “because that’s what family does”, & him having to face that worldview after growing up in a place where that was *not* what family did)

He’s not exactly the same ‘kind of guy’ described here, he’s very loving and never took on the idea of viewing women as objects (only men, lol) - but my point I guess is that growing up with him has taught me that people can tackle these ideas, and changes can be made.

Idk. I spent a day once at this socialist men’s group (they were at an event I was at, but I’m unfortunately not able to attend their regular meetings) and they/we were talking about little ways to challenge men who were making sexist comments about women (bc challenging that with them, as men, can unfortunately mean they’re more likely to listen to you and has been proven by a few of us to lead to introspection and change from them)

But I wonder about these more wide-spanning worldviews,, what would be an effective way of challenging that with men without having to bring out a lot of words and ideas they’re not already aware of?

I guess some little things like “what, so if you met the coolest woman you’ve ever met, but they took a photo of their food, you wouldn’t want to get to know them?” and/or something like “why women with [descriptor] specifically?” to encourage them to think a bit more on it could be a start?

But then for the second one I feel like the response would be something like “cause they’re all selfish” or “[some other nebulous idea they don’t really understand, calling them feminists or leftists or something]” and idrk what the best response to that would be.

Idk, I hate seeing shit like this. My circle of friends is mostly queer and anarchist or socialist, but I’m a guy (trans FTM, but generally pass) and sometimes straight men talk to me (ie at work). I really want to use that position to try and help these guys challenge their worldview, but the problem is that they have so little words or understanding that it’s hard to know how to get shit through.

For lack of a better phrase - Men are Stupid

Does anyone have any advice or ideas on how someone in my position (or generally!) can get through to them?/how to talk about these things to people who lack prior understanding of how the patriarchy works etc.?

Obviously so many men are just fucked and genuinely evil, but the people I talk to are college aged(usually 17 or 18-early 20s), deciding on what their worldview will be going forward (and open to input from people around them), and often… unfortunately… getting a lot of disgusting new ideas from online gurus🤮

The longer I exist as a loudly proudly gay man the more I think that cishet men aren't actually attracted to women.

[asxgard]

Companionship | pt. 14

Dr. Michael “Robby” Robinavitch x f!reader

Previous | Next

Summary: You two have a little getaway.

[ Series Masterlist ]

Note: This took a hot minute lol I kept rewriting the first bit even after the rest was written, and then my dog got a bad infection (he’s okay now). It’s been a time lol I hope you enjoy!

Thank you for all the comments, likes and reblogs last chapter💜

Word Count: 2.7k

Warnings: age gap, SMUT (MINORS DNI), p in v, oral (f! receiving), fingering, light dirty talk, pet names (honey, sweetheart, my love), foul language

not beta read

On the night of Michael’s birthday, he grew more reserved. Dinner came and went with you trying to coax him back out of his shell — and you hoped it was only his nerves about you meeting his friends afterwards. You were nervous enough for the both of you, but you began to worry he was having second thoughts.

In the car, he said, “I’m nearly twice your age now.”

You leaned back into the passenger seat with a long sigh. You both sat quietly for several moments, Michael staring out the window while you rubbed your thumb along your other palm. The age gap seemed to hold steady over your heads — even as you were falling in love. He was now closer to nineteen years older rather than eighteen, and would be until your birthday later in the year. It was clear the near two decades were weighing on him.

You reached over to grab his hand, “And so what? We’ve discussed this.”

Michael ran his other hand over his face, letting out a huff of air. “I don’t want to steal your youth.”

“Michael, you’re not stealing anything.” You told him, “This is a two way street. One I’m actively choosing.”

He didn’t say anything, just kept looking out at the parking lot. He squeezed your hand with a heavy sigh.

“Do you feel like I’m stealing something from you? I don’t know…I haven’t fully gotten my life together yet, I’m still waiting to get my certifications…I can’t always be there in a way someone older might be able to—”

His eyes were on you while he shook his head, “Not at all. That’s not…I want you as you are.”

You held his gaze and smiled, trying to convey the same sentiment, “That’s what I want, too.”

“I’m sorry. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy or normal. I don’t want to keep chasing you away, I just wasn’t expecting to feel this way today.”

“Well, I’d rather you tell me what's going on in your head rather than bury it.”

He nodded, “And what happens when I turn 50?”

“That’s five years away. It’s not like I’m immune to aging…I’ll age five years, too.” You said. “And I’d hope we’d have made a life together by that point. We can deal with how you feel about it together.”

“I like the sound of that.”

You smiled, and he leaned over to kiss you.

The drive to the bar was quiet, but nerves had invaded your belly at meeting people from Michael’s life. You had been able to learn how to handle the judgment from strangers, but it felt like a whole new ballgame with people in his life.

Jack was tough to read, and it felt like Dana had been an easier sell. Her husband, Benji, had been easy enough to talk to, and took some of the conversational weight off your shoulders. Perhaps since he also did not work in the hospital, or perhaps he took pity on you, either way, it was relieving.

When asked about it, you told them about school and graduating — but it made you feel too young. One could attend university at any time in their life, but all of them had finished closer to when you were born. You tried not to be uncomfortable about it.

“How did you guys meet?” Benji asked, sipping his beer.

Your eyes flickered up to Michael, trying to conceal your alarm. Why hadn’t you discussed it? Did he want to tell them the truth or—

“Coffee shop. Our orders got mixed up.” Michael supplied, the lie passing easily from his lips.

Though, you had met at a coffee shop, so it wasn’t a straight up lie.

You forced a smile looking back to Benji, “We ended up talking for a while and I gave him my number.” Again, not a total lie, but your cheeks burned.

Dana’s eyes moved back and forth between you, “You could’ve told me she was your girlfriend when she came in, Robinavitch. No need for all that secretive VIP crap.”

You watched Michael cringe slightly at the use of his full name.

“I wasn’t yet.” You interjected, smiling shyly. “It took awhile for us to figure that part out.”

The night continued after with less pressing questions and easier small talk. They each traded stupid stories about patients, or the weirdest thing they found swallowed or inserted on x-ray. With Benji there, it made you feel less out of the loop, and he waved them off.

“Don’t you guys work there enough to not talk about it after hours?” Benji asked.

“Never after hours.” said Jack with a shrug.

Michael rolled his eyes playfully, “Fine, fine — how’re the kids?”

Another hour and they were all departing. Dana pulled you into a quick hug, whispering, “You’re good for him.” in your ear. You had grinned wide, relief flooding your system as you thanked the woman. Everyone parted ways after, and Michael took your hand as you walked to his car.

“They all seem like good people. I hope they liked me.”

Michael kissed the side of your head, “Of course they did. You make it easy.”

Your eyes met his brown, “You think so?”

“I know so.”

Before opening the passenger side door, he turned you around. He was fidgety, his hand growing clammy while the other rubbed the back of his neck.

“You okay?” You asked tentatively, squeezing his hand.

He cleared his throat, “I can’t really even begin to tell you how much I enjoy our time together, how much I enjoy you. I’ve—this hasn’t been easy and we had a rough start, but I’m glad you’re in my life. I love you.”

Your breath caught and you stared at him wide-eyed. Your heart thudded hard against your ribs and you reminded yourself to breathe.

When your thoughts returned, you smiled at him, “I love you, too, Michael”

—

“You sure know how to play the long con.” You said, eyes still bleary from the early morning as trees raced by.

Michael looked over at you with an eyebrow raised, before looking back at the road.

“Murder me in a cabin in the woods?” You elaborated, “Peaceful, quiet. It’d be great if it wasn’t so cliche.”

Michael laughed loudly, shaking his head. “Does that have anything to do with the documentary you insisted on watching last night?”

You had barely been able to fall asleep until Michael had pulled you into his arms, making you feel safe and protected. You loved those documentaries, despite how dark they were, or how many lights you had to turn on to get through them.

You sipped your coffee, “Of course not.”

“I see far too much blood and guts on a daily basis; I’d never spoil the cabin like that.” He said, tone momentarily slipping into something serious. “Besides, I like you too much. Thought I’d keep you around.”

You laughed, “How romantic.”

“I’m plenty romantic!” He said with a smile, “Cabin in the woods, a fire, good wine, the works. I even remembered to snag your favorite rom-coms from your apartment last week.”

You hid your grin by glancing out the window at the world speeding by. “And to think, you did all that to take me fishing…”

“You said you wanted to learn!”

Laughing, you said, “No harm in trying something once.”

He reached over the center console to grab hold of your hand, “I’m glad we’re getting some time away. It’ll be nice to not worry about work for a bit…”

“Or studying.” You added, intertwining your fingers. “Thank you for bringing me, I’ve been looking forward to it.”

He smiled softly, and you thought about all the feelings swirling in your chest. All of them easily spelling out love. Even after confessing it to each other weeks ago, it still felt new and exciting. Like everything had finally clicked into place after dancing around it forever.

His cabin was miles off the highway, found after traveling several winding roads, a long driveway nestled between towering trees. The trees eventually gave way to the cabin, quaint but with plenty of character. A picnic bench sat to the right of the structure, where a set of stairs led into a screened in porch. A large built in firepit sat several feet away from it.

The back door opened onto the porch, which held an outdoor dining table and a few outdoor loungers. The land began to slope downward right where the porch started, free of trees that made the view of the mountains all the easier to take in. The forest picked back up again about a quarter of a mile down, where it seemed the land leveled out again. Jutting out just slightly from the cabin was a storage closet, holding some cushions for said loungers, an umbrella for the table, and some odds and ends.

You took a deep breath in, and leaned into Michael when you breathed out. It was quiet and serene, the silence only filled by birds and buzzing insects. You could only slightly see one of his neighbor’s houses through the trees, but otherwise, it was completely private.

“You sure do know how to pick ‘em.”

Michael looked at you and smiled, “Yeah, I do.”

—

After an unsuccessful fishing trip, a hike and a long soak in the clawfoot tub, you emerged in the kitchen to see what Michael was doing. Uncooked burgers sat on parchment paper on a sheet tray, while Michael was putting a bowl of pasta salad in the fridge.

You followed after him and sat on one of the loungers while Michael cooked the burgers. He was humming an old blues song while you took in the view of the retreating sun over the mountains.

Dinner was spent under the sky, with quiet banter and easy conversation — and you savored more than just the meal. Pittsburgh could be busy, messy and complicated, but stepping back in a secluded cabin, you knew you wouldn’t change a thing about your life.

Cleaning up dinner, you both settled on the couch, turning on one of the rom-coms he had brought — How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days — and you curled into his side.

By the time the credits were rolling, you found yourself in his lap, kissing up his neck while his hands explored your figure. Your heart sped up in your chest, moving your hands to his hair. You tried not to grind your hips into his, trying to be slow — but your mind grew hazy with lust.

“Mike.” You breathed against his lips, half a whine, half a plea.

Like he could read your mind, his hands were on your hips, pushing just enough to where you got the hint and stood up. Your lips never left his, even as he led you to the bedroom, hand in your hair.

Once on the bed, Michael removed your pants and trailed kisses up your inner thigh. Your face heated and you suppressed the urge to beg him to move faster. You never wanted to rush him, to be painfully young in wanting it all without the chance to savor it, but his hot breath on your skin and his teeth nipping at your flesh made you feral. You were already squirming before he even situated himself to your wet heat.

Discarding your panties, Michael left a wet kiss to your clit, and you jolted at the sensation. One of his hands traveled up your torso to grab hold of your breast, fingers twirling around the nipple, while his other was locked around your knee. His eyes flickered up to meet yours, and you took in a deep breath to steady yourself.

Your clit was throbbing, spurred on by the sensation on your nipple. He held your gaze as he licked a stripe from your entrance to your clit. You moaned, gripping the wrist that was at your breast and held onto him like it would keep you tethered.

His tongue was an expert, and always left you seeing stars — your orgasm never taking very long, especially not when his fingers rubbed at that spongy spot inside you. He sucked, licked and devoured everything you gave him like a man starved, and it thrilled you more to know he was enjoying it. Even when he was being slow or teasing, he never seemed to mind how long it took.

Michael’s fingers curled upwards, tongue tracing circles on your clit until the wave took you in. You cried out his name, fingers in the bed sheets while the heat barreled through your system. He had a habit of not stopping, even when you grew overstimulated, sometimes eagerly even trying to coax a second out of you.

This time, though, you pulled him up to kiss him hungrily. The taste of yourself on his tongue made your thoughts stutter, before bringing him closer.

Without warning, you flipped you both so Michael was on his back and he stared up wide-eyed at you. Your shirt was easily discarded.

He smirked, hands going to your hips while you undid his pants. Pulling off his shirt, he pulled you in for a quick kiss. He was straining against his boxers, hard and immediately at attention when you pulled back his boxers. You were quick with the condom before steadying yourself over him. You leaned down to place a delicate kiss to his lips.

You sunk down on him slowly, hissing as you adjusted to his size, hands on his chest. He groaned low in his throat and you pulsed at the sound, your hips meeting his.

“Yeah? Like hearing what you do to me, sweetheart?”

You grinned, nodding dumbly, pulling his hands from your hips up to your breasts. To be so full of him made your eyes water and you threw your head back to try to find your breath again.

“Feels so good.” You moaned, looking back into his eyes.

You moved up slowly, before grinding back down and trying to find a pace you liked. Michael stared up at you, eyes dark, meeting you halfway with thrusts of his own. Heat coiled low again, pooling throughout your abdomen.

Michael moved a hand to your clit to rub lazy circles, and it burned deliciously — overstimulation yielding to pleasure. You moaned, moving up just enough for him to brush against that spot inside you.

“You look so good like that, honey. Fuck, you ride my cock so well.”

Your pussy fluttered at the words, eyes screwing shut. You felt lost in the winding euphoria coiling tighter. Michael gripped your hip while keeping his thumb rubbing your clit, thrusting up into you as you grew tighter and tighter.

Michael choked out a moan, and you hummed a mewl as you approached your climax.

“Mike—Mike—“ you whined, “So close—don’t stop, please.”

“Gonna fill you up, my love, come on. Come on my cock, know you want to.” He ground out. “You look so pretty when you do.”

You moaned low when the coil snapped and the white-hot heat invaded your vision and took over your senses. It rushed throughout your body and a single tear escaped the corner of your eye.

Michael was relentless after that, even as you were whining from the overstimulation, he kept going. Chasing his own high, but he never let up on your clit.

You felt completely blindsided by your third orgasm, rolling off the waves of your second until you were fluttering around him again. Crying out and squirming, you met a few of his thrusts in a cock-drunk daze.

Pleasure contorted Michael's face until he was coming with you, a groan low in his throat. His thrusts grew sloppy until they slowed. He twitched and you felt the warmth of it inside you, blooming upwards.

Your hairline was wet with sweat, and you breathed heavily. You leaned down to lay on his chest, his cock still stuffed inside you, but it had pleasure still echoing in your system.

Moving your head to his shoulder, Michael kissed your forehead. One hand trailed light lines up and down your spine, while you kept your hands on his biceps trying to catch your breath.

“I don’t think I ever wanna leave.”

Michael chuckled lightly, and brought you in for a kiss.

[ Next ]

want to join any of my taglists? shoot me a message!

Companionship taglist: @queenslandlover-93 @clementine111002 @virgomillie @emily-b @kaygilles @lt-jakeseresin @imonmykneessir @kniselle @gabsgabsvaz @rosiepoise88 @calivia @holdonimwalkingmysnail @valhallavalkyrie9 @blahkateisdone @shadowhuntyi @fuckalrighty @elli3williams @yournerdmodziata @i-know-i-can @dickheadturner @dcgoddess @pittobsessed @glamorizethechaos @blueb33ry-cat @whatdoesntkillyoumakesyoustrange @burningpenguinwitch @evienorville @equallyshaw @heyysolsister @justrandomthougt @babygirlagenda @lauracantsleep @rogersbarnesxx @longlivecandice @misshoneypaper @moonshooter @catmomstyles3

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(50 tags have been reached with the combo of all three taglists, so unfortunately some of Dr. Robby & all of The Pitt taglist for this series will be added in a reblog right after this is posted - I’m sorry if this is an inconvenience!)

I’ve gotten a lot more comfortable with bigger age gaps since this started. Sometimes I forget I aged Michael down slightly lol

Robby’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day up next!

[favefandomimagines]

Dress (j.b)

Summary: nothing goes together more than both Joe and his girlfriend feeling extra possessive

AN: this was PURELY self-indulgent but i think all the thirsty joe girls are gonna like this one lol also, possessive!joe is like my fave thing

SMUT soooo 18+ MDNI, oral, f!receiving (my first time writing anything spicy so be nice)

The suite was buzzing with the quiet chaos of glam prep — curling irons hissing, the soft thrum of music, the rustle of fabric. But Y/N was calm. Centered.

Sitting at the vanity in a silk robe, her bare legs crossed, she held her phone in one hand, scrolling idly, while a stylist gently dusted highlighter across her cheekbones.

Joe had texted her twenty minutes ago.

“Miss you already. Don’t forget to eat.”

It made her smile. He was never one for long, dramatic texts. He spoke in short, quiet declarations. The kind you felt in your bones. But they always came with a tenderness that made her heart twist.

She glanced at the dress hanging nearby.

It was bolder than she usually went for — deep, inky black with a dangerously high slit and a back that dipped low, almost scandalous in how little it left to the imagination. When she tried it on for her stylist a week ago, it didn’t just fit — it transformed her. Made her stand taller.

And tonight, she wanted Joe to feel it. To see her, and not just admire — but want.

She knew he did. He always did. But lately, there was a deeper pull between them. Something unspoken but heavy in the air.

As her team finished and filed out, she stood slowly and walked over to the mirror.

She let the robe slip from her shoulders, pooling at her feet. Her fingers smoothed down her sides, over the soft black silk that now hugged her like a second skin.

The moment she slipped on her heels, she heard the door open.

He’d seen her beautiful more times than he could count — on red carpets, magazine covers, even curled up in sweats on their couch with her hair in a messy bun and an old hoodie of his.

But nothing, nothing, had prepared him for this.

He froze in the doorway.

She turned slowly, her hair in waves down her back, lips glossy, eyes locking on his.

“Hey,” she said, almost shyly.

Joe just stared.

“Okay…” she teased. “You’re either speechless or regretting your entire life with me.”

He blinked. “No. I just—” He stepped closer, shaking his head like he still couldn’t believe it. “You look… goddamn.”

She smiled slowly. “Is that a good ‘goddamn’?”

He walked right up to her, his hands finding her waist. The slit in the dress parted with the movement, revealing her smooth thigh.

His breath hitched.

“That’s not even fair,” he murmured.

She tilted her chin up. “You said I could wear whatever I wanted tonight.”

“I thought you’d pick something cute,” he said, brushing his hand over her exposed back. “Not something that’s gonna make me start fights.”

Her lips curled. “Jealous already?”

“Terrified,” he admitted. “You walk into that room and I know exactly how it’s gonna go.”

“How?”

“Everyone’s gonna look at you,” he said, voice low. “And I’ll want to break every camera in that building.”

She kissed him softly, hands on his chest. “But I’m yours.”

“You’re mine,” he echoed, like he needed to say it aloud.

He stared at her a moment longer, then reached for her coat — reluctantly. “Let’s go before I change my mind and keep you here.”

||

Joe didn’t know what was wrong with him.

No, scratch that — he knew exactly what it was.

Y/N. In that damn dress.

He wasn’t one for PDA. Didn’t like giving the media anything they didn’t need. But the way her body moved in that gown, the way her hand fit into his, the soft floral perfume curling around his senses — it made every self-imposed boundary start to crack.

He didn’t want to just stand beside her. He wanted to hold her. Pull her into his lap. Kiss that gloss off her lips and dare anyone to say something.

And that scared him a little.

She laughed at something a reporter said, her head tilting just so, the curve of her throat exposed and glowing under the lights. He wanted his mouth there. Now.

Jesus.

He took a deep breath, trying to calm the heat building in his chest.

They still had the whole night ahead of them.

The MET ceremony had gone off without a hitch. There were performances, speeches, and they were doing a good job at keeping themselves under control.

But the way Joe kept brushing his hand against her hip, the way he looked at her like she was a puzzle he couldn’t wait to solve — yeah, she was feeling it too.

At the afterparty, things got tense.

She leaned into him, whispering, “I’m grabbing another drink. Want anything?”

He shook his head, deep in conversation with Justin, hand resting lightly on her lower back.

She smiled, gave his hand a squeeze, and walked away.

It took two minutes.

Two minutes for some European-accented F1 driver to slink up beside her and flash a grin that screamed, I’m used to getting what I want.

“You are too beautiful to be alone,” he said smoothly.

She offered a polite smile. “Not alone. My boyfriend’s over there.” She pointed toward Joe.

The driver glanced over, not impressed. “He is lucky, then.”

Y/N’s smile dropped half a degree. “He knows it.”

But before she could say more, a strong arm circled her waist from behind.

Joe didn’t hear what the guy said. Didn’t need to.

He saw his body language. The lean. The smile. The look in his eyes.

That was enough.

Joe was across the room in seconds. He slid his arm around Y/N’s waist, pulling her against him, his lips brushing her ear as he said, “Everything good over here?”

Her smile curled, amused. “Jealous?”

He leaned in and kissed her — not hard, not showy, just firm. Possessive.

“I’m allowed,” he muttered. “You’re mine.”

Her eyes darkened, lips parted slightly. “Keep saying things like that and I might drag you to the nearest bathroom.”

“Don’t tempt me.”

||

Y/N didn’t expect the tables to turn so fast.

Joe was talking to Jalen and another actor, sipping his drink, when she approached — the model. The one with legs for days and a body that didn’t know the word no.

She laid a hand on Joe’s chest. Smiled like they were old friends. She laughed at something he didn’t say. He didn’t even remember her name.

Y/N watched from across the room, drink halfway to her lips, as a flash of mine surged in her blood.

She didn’t hesitate.

Crossing the floor, she slid her arm around Joe’s bicep and pressed herself into his side like she belonged there — because she did.

“Need another drink, baby?” she purred, letting her lips graze his jaw.

Joe blinked at her, surprise morphing into something darker. His arm slipped around her shoulders as he turned fully into her.

The model’s eyes narrowed. “Oh. The girlfriend. Right.”

Y/N smiled. “That’s right."

The model muttered some form of an apology but Joe wasn't listening.

Joe didn’t move. He just looked down at Y/N's arm still wrapped tightly around his bicep like she’d staked a claim.

“Jesus,” he murmured. “That was…”

“Too much?”

He turned in her arms, hands cupping her jaw gently. “No. That was hot as hell.”

Her lips quirked. “Yeah?”

He kissed her — not rough, not needy, but with the kind of slow reverence that made her knees weak. “I don’t think I’ve ever wanted you more than I do right now.”

“You sure?” she teased breathlessly. “You were practically vibrating when that driver wouldn’t back off.”

He grinned. “I was two seconds from ending up on TMZ.”

“Please don’t get in a fight in a velvet suit.”

He laughed against her lips. “You make me crazy.”

“I know.”

He kissed her again — deeper this time, hands sliding down her back. “Let’s get out of here.”

“Thought you’d never ask.”

||

The second the suite door shut, Joe’s restraint evaporated.

He turned and pushed her gently against the wall, one hand braced beside her head, the other gripping her hip.

“You liked seeing me jealous, huh?” he asked, mouth brushing her ear.

“You liked me getting jealous,” she fired back, hand sliding under his shirt. “Your ego’s still growing.”

“You’re the one who walked across the room like you were about to fuck someone up.”

“I was.”

He groaned, kissing her like he meant it. Tongue, teeth, all of it.

Her fingers clawed at his shirt. “Take this off. Now.”

He did.

Her dress followed — the soft slide of silk over her skin made his breath catch. No bra. Lace underwear.

“Jesus, baby…” he whispered, hands sliding over her breasts, her waist, down her thighs. “You’ve been torturing me all night.”

“You could’ve just taken me into a bathroom.”

“I’d rather take my time.”

She wasn’t sure how they got to the bed — one second she was against the wall, the next she was beneath him, legs parted, his mouth trailing fire down her stomach.

“You're always so calm in public,” she teased, arching under his touch. “But in private…”

“In private,” he said, voice gravel, “I want to hear you scream my name.”

He kissed her thighs. Then licked a slow line over her underwear, making her cry out.

“Joe—”

“You don’t know what it did to me,” he murmured against her skin. “Seeing other people want you. Seeing you only want me.”

“Then prove it.”

He looked up, eyes dark.

“Oh, I will.”

He peeled the lace off her like it was wrapping paper, then acted like a man possessed.

Tongue. Lips. Fingers. He took his time — slow at first, then faster, building her until her hips bucked and she was almost crying his name.

She came once. Twice.

And still he didn’t stop.

“Joe, please—”

He pulled back, mouth wet, pupils blown.

“You look so good like this,” he growled, unbuckling his belt. “You’re gonna be the death of me.”

The way he looked at her — like worship and hunger and possession all tangled together — had her already breathless.

He flipped her beneath him in one swift, practiced motion, mouth trailing heat down her throat. His hands roamed like he was trying to memorize every inch of her all over again.

Every press of his lips, every slow thrust of his hips against hers still clothed in too many layers, was more intense than usual. He wasn’t just having her. He was claiming her.

“Tell me,” he growled softly, dragging his mouth down the valley between her breasts. “Tell me who you belong to.”

She arched into him. “You, Joe.”

His teeth grazed her skin, making her gasp. “Louder.”

“I’m yours.”

“Say it again.”

“I’m yours,” she cried, fisting her hands in his open shirt.

He kissed her then — messy, desperate — as he stripped away the last of her lingerie and finally pressed into her, bare skin to bare skin, in one long, perfect slide.

They both moaned, eyes locking, foreheads pressed together.

He moved slow at first, savoring her. But then her nails raked down his back, and something in him broke.

His thrusts grew deeper, rougher — but still reverent. Like every move said: mine, mine, mine.

Her legs wrapped tight around his waist, anchoring him to her. And when he slipped a hand between them and pressed just right — just so — she shattered.

Clenching around him, crying out his name, a sound that made his eyes roll back and his pace stutter.

He came with a low, wrecked groan, burying himself in her completely, holding her like she was the only thing keeping him together.

They lay tangled, skin hot, breaths slowing.

Joe kissed her shoulder, still panting. “You okay?”

She turned, pressed a hand to his chest. “Better than okay.”

He smiled — soft, private. The one only she got.

“You’re mine,” she whispered.

He rolled on top of her again, grin wicked.

“Say it louder.”

||

The first thing Y/N registered was the sunlight streaming through the floor-to-ceiling windows of the hotel suite, painting everything in golden warmth. The second was the steady rise and fall of Joe’s chest beneath her cheek.

She didn’t remember falling asleep exactly — just the feel of his arms around her after, the weight of his body covering hers like he was afraid she’d disappear if he didn’t. Now, curled against him in the early light, she didn’t want to move.

His skin was warm. His heartbeat, steady. One arm was slung over her waist possessively, even in sleep.

She smiled to herself.

Mine.

That was the word that echoed in her mind all night. And again now, soft and sure.

She lifted her head a little to look at him. His lashes were unfairly long for a guy. His hair was messy, crushed against the pillow, and there was a faint shadow of stubble on his jaw that she remembered scraping deliciously against her skin hours before.

He looked peaceful.

Until he cracked one eye open.

“You’re staring,” he rasped, voice sleep-wrecked and unfairly sexy for this hour.

Y/N grinned. “I like the view.”

His other eye opened. “Yeah?”

She nodded, kissing his bare chest just over his heart. “You’re very pretty in the morning.”

“I should be saying that to you,” he murmured, fingers brushing gently down her back. “You wrecked me last night.”

“You wrecked me.”

A beat passed. He smirked. “Call it even?”

She snorted softly and tucked her face into the crook of his neck. “Deal.”

Mornings like this? Joe lived for them.

No cameras. No pressure. Just Y/N, warm and sleepy in his arms, smelling like coconut and sex and everything that made his chest feel too full.

He looked down at her, the way her hair was tangled from his fingers, the little marks on her collarbone. She always said she liked when he lost control a little — but she didn’t realize what it did to him when she got jealous like that. Protective. Bold.

He still hadn’t fully recovered.

He smoothed her hair back gently, fingers threading through it.

“You hungry?” he asked.

She groaned. “Yes. But I also don’t want to move.”

“I could order room service.”

She perked up slightly. “Coffee?”

“Always.”

He reached for the phone with one hand, still holding her with the other. She watched him lazily, cheeks flushed from sleep, lips parted in a soft smile.

When he hung up, she propped herself up on her elbow. “Do we have to leave today?”

He shook his head. “Not until tomorrow.”

“Good,” she said, leaning in to kiss his cheek. “Because I want one more day with you. No football. No cameras. Just us.”

His arms came around her, and he rolled her beneath him, eyes warm.

“You’ve got me, babe,” he said softly, forehead resting against hers. “All day. Always.”

She traced his jaw with her fingertips, brushing along the place where stubble met skin.

“You know,” she murmured, “I think last night made it pretty clear you’re off the market.”

“Oh yeah?” he teased. “You think that model got the message?”

“If she didn’t, I’ll send a louder one next time.”

Joe laughed, kissed her hard, then softer.

“You’re dangerous when you’re jealous.”

“You like it.”

He nodded. “I love it.”

Later, they ate breakfast in bed. Pancakes. Eggs. Coffee. All while tangled in the sheets, legs overlapped, laughing between bites.

He fed her a strawberry. She licked whipped cream off his finger. He watched her like she hung the moon.

They talked about everything and nothing — favorite road trip snacks, movies to rewatch, how much they both hated small talk at events. Relearning their favorite parts of the other. He traced the lines of the tattoo on her ribs while she played with his fingers on his other hand.

And when she yawned and laid her head on his chest again, he tightened his arms around her.

“You’re it for me,” he said suddenly.

She blinked up at him.

“What?”

“You,” he said again, more softly. “You’re it.”

Her throat tightened. Her hand flattened over his heart. “You’re it for me, too.”

They didn’t say much more after that. They didn’t have to.

Sometimes love isn’t loud.

Sometimes, it’s the quiet morning after — when you wake up and realize there’s nowhere else you’d rather be than tangled in the arms of the one who knows all of you.

[sknyuz]

I really like your works

If you are taking requests could you make one where you are bakus sister and dating baek jin secretly and then when he finds out all hell breaks loose but like w fluff and angst

#submission

still, i choose you | na baekjin

synopsis — the city’s colder now, but baekjin still looks at you like summer never ended. but when baku finds out, he’s ready to burn it all down.

pairing — baekjin x baku’s sister!reader

genre — alternate universe/non-canon, brother’s bestfriend, hurt/comfort, angst, fluff, f2l, open ending-ish?

cw — violence && gang elements, protective older brother behavior (baku), mentions of past abandonment, angst, smoking (once, for the vibe)

wc — ~2.5k

note: this got wayyyy longer than i had anticipated... this originally at 1.2k words then before i realized it, i ended up with 1k+ more ToT this is another fic thats been in the drafts for a while that i couldnt get around to posting lol enjoy

masterlist | join the taglist | request a fic

you used to follow baekjin around like a second shadow.

back then, when things were simpler and summer days stretched too long to keep track, you, baekjin, and your brother were inseparable. a little trio of scraped knees and spare change joined to share a single serving of tteokbokki, and racing back home in your little uniforms, backpacks rattling with stationery. you always ended up at the park near your old apartment, the one with the broken jungle gym and weeds tall enough to hide in.

“let’s play house,” you’d announce, bossy even then.

baekjin would smile like he already knew his role. “i’ll be the dad.”

“i’m mom,” you’d grin, grabbing a stick and pretending it was a broom.

and baku would scowl, arms crossed. “why do i always have to be the dog?”

“because you bark the loudest,” baekjin teased, and you all laughed and played until the sun dipped low.

back then, baekjin still tried to protect you. even when his nose was bleeding or his eye already bruising, he’d shove you behind him with those tiny fists up like he was invincible. he gave you his sleeve to wipe your nose, even if his own was dripping. when kids teased you, he stood in front with shaky legs and that same proud tilt to his chin, like he dared them to try.

baku was the loud one—your shield and baekjin’s, yelling and swinging while baekjin threw himself in with blind punches and more heart than strength. the two of them were a mess of scraped knees and stubborn pride, and you were the kid sister they never let out of their sight.

and then, soon enough, baku couldn’t stand watching baekjin take hit after hit like that—so he taught him to fight. said he had to, if baekjin was gonna keep throwing himself at people twice his size. he refused to teach you, though, said it was "too dangerous" with a scrunched-up nose and crossed arms. but baekjin would sneak you little updates when it was just the two of you, whispering about the stances baku showed him or how he finally landed a clean hit. eventually, the two of them were unstoppable—baku loud and wild like a storm, and baekjin quiet but sharp, always backing him up without missing a beat. and you were still there, watching them grow into a force no one dared mess with.

until their momentum was stopped on the day that baekjin disappeared. one day he was walking home beside you, shoulder brushing yours, and the next, his desk was empty. like he’d been swallowed up by the world without a trace.

no explanation. no goodbye. just gone.

but somehow, you felt like your older brother knew more about baekjin’s sudden exit from your lives than he let on.

the next time you saw baekjin, it didn’t feel real at first. it felt more like a memory that hadn’t faded properly.

you saw him before he saw you—head low, hair longer than you remembered, standing across the street outside that run-down bowling alley where rumors always clung like smoke, grunts and cries of pain could be heard from inside. your heart stuttered. the world didn’t stop—but you did.

he looked different. older. meaner. like life had moved too fast for him to keep up.

but his eyes—when they finally lifted and locked with yours—were the same.

like no time had passed.

like you weren’t strangers again.

you didn’t speak the first time, you could only stare at the tall figure. and then, he looked away and broke the gaze you shared first, walking back inside like it hurt too much to hold.

you kept seeing him after that—in the background. behind buildings, in passing cars, once on the rooftop of the cram school across from your own, cigarette burning down to the filter, eyes fixed on nothing. it was like the city was trying to show you he still existed. still breathed.

and then came the underpass.

you hadn’t meant to take that route. it was just late, and you were tired, and it had been a long day. you thought you could handle it—you weren’t a kid anymore. you could fight. baku finally taught you. baekjin taught you, too, just by existing.

but those boys—the way they leered. the way they used baku’s suspension as leverage against you.

and then him.

he didn’t even raise his voice. just said “that’s enough,” and it was like gravity remembered what it was supposed to do. the boys scattered like dry leaves. and you—god, you didn’t even realize you were shaking, fists already up and your stance ready to throw them at the boys that surrounded you just a second ago, until he stepped closer, brow furrowed, voice low.

“y/n… you shouldn’t be here.”

you wanted to yell at him, hit him, maybe even hold him.

you did none of that.

you walked home in silence, his presence beside you heavy like a storm cloud. at your door, he paused—hands still buried in his hoodie, the lamplight softening his jaw.

“you grew up,” he murmured.

“you didn’t say goodbye,” you replied.

he winced like that hurt worse than any punch.

but when you hugged him tight and whispered “don’t disappear again,” the only thing baekjin could do was nod.

after that, it was slow, cautious. like learning to walk across glass barefoot.

he never touched you first or let his hand linger—except that one night it rained so hard the streets blurred into silver streaks, and you forgot your umbrella.

you were trying to wait it out under a bus stop, shivering, soaked halfway through—when he appeared beside you, quiet as ever. didn’t say anything, just pressed a black folding umbrella into your hand like it was obvious he’d been looking for you.

“you’ll get sick,” you said, blinking.

“i’ll be fine,” he replied, stepping back into the storm without waiting for a thank you.

and the way he looked at you before he left—like he couldn’t believe you were real, like this was some dream he didn’t want to wake from—that’s what really started it.

a glance turned into a habit.

a walk turned into a routine.

late nights turned into a secret.

one evening, you found him waiting on the rooftop of an old building near your school, knees drawn up, a book balanced across them. his hair windswept, and he was squinting against the wind to read.

you laughed. “you’re such a nerd.”

he looked up, brow raised. “you still let your heart do the stupid stuff first.”

“and you still act like you don’t have one,” you shot back, sitting beside him.

that night, he kissed you.

that was the first time baekjin kissed you, he said your name like it was the only thing holding him to this world.

you weren’t a kid anymore. and neither was he.

but neither of you were ready for baku to know. not after everything baekjin has been through and is tied to now. you knew it was dangerous, but it was a risk you were willing to take.

and after that—well, you stopped pretending there wasn’t something between you.

even if it meant keeping it from baku. even if it meant dodging questions, meeting in alleyways, changing contact names and never walking too close in daylight.

even if it meant lying.

because what you had with baekjin—it wasn’t just a childhood crush or some thrill in the shadows. it was real. and it felt like it was yours.

something worth protecting.

you thought you were careful.

you were careful.

no texting unless it was code. no eye contact when baekjin stopped by the café you worked part-time in after closing just to catch a glimpse of you. no lingering touches, no flinching when you saw each other when you would walk back home from your own cram schools. baku didn’t suspect a thing.

until he did.

you didn’t even know he’d seen baekjin’s text, didn’t know he’d followed you out that night. you thought it was just another quiet moment, the first few drops of rain starting to fall—baekjin waiting for you by the convenience store, back leaned against the wall, eyes flicking up like they always did when you arrived.

you smiled. he smiled back, barely there, soft and crooked, and only you got to see it.

and then he reached out, thumb brushing a raindrop from your cheek. his touch tender, familiar.

you didn’t even hear baku coming.

just the sharp sound of footsteps—fast, angry—and then crack.

baekjin’s head jerked to the side from the impact, the sound of the punch echoing off the concrete like thunder. he stumbled but didn’t fall, blood blooming at the corner of his mouth.

“baku!” you gasped, stepping forward in instinct.

but your brother’s hand was already on your arm.

“let go—!” you cried, trying to yank free, but he wasn’t listening.

his grip was tight—furious—and the next thing you knew, he was dragging you across the empty street, his jaw clenched so tight it looked like it hurt to speak.

“you’re coming home,” he snapped.

“baku—stop—” your voice caught in your throat as your shoes scraped against the asphalt. “you’re hurting me!”

he didn’t let go.

not because he wanted to hurt you—but because he didn’t know how else to stop you. everything in him was burning. you could feel it in his grip. his silence. the way his shoulders trembled with each step.

behind you, baekjin didn’t follow. he didn’t call after you. he just stood there as the rain started pouring heavier, watching.

you looked back only once.

he was holding his chest like it ached, blood smeared across his lip, eyes locked on you with something devastatingly soft.

but he didn’t move.

not even when you disappeared around the corner, your brother’s hand still wrapped around your wrist like a leash.

the walk home was silent—if silence could be loud, teeth-bared, vibrating with fury. baku didn’t look at you once. not when the rain soaked through your clothes, not when your breath hitched from trying not to cry. but the second the apartment door clicked shut behind you, something inside him snapped.

“what the fuck were you thinking?” he exploded, voice rough, cracked from holding it in too long. “are you out of your goddamn mind?”

you flinched. he didn’t notice. or maybe he did, but he was too far gone to stop.

“him? him?” he shouted, pacing now, hands raking through his hair like he needed something to tear. “after everything—after he left, after he ghosted both of us, after he joined them—you thought that was okay? to sneak around with baekjin?”

“baku—”

“don’t,” he snapped, pointing at you. “don’t even try. you don’t get to play stupid now.”

the apartment was too small for his anger. it filled every inch of it, clung to the walls like smoke. your father wasn’t around—was never around—but even if he had been, baku wouldn’t have cared. he was beyond reason, seeing red, heart pounding like it wanted to burst through his chest.

“he’s dangerous, y/n,” he shouted, voice breaking for real this time. “you think i don’t know what he’s capable of? you think this is some romance? it’s not—it’s not safe. it’s not right.”

his chest heaved, breath ragged. and when he looked at you—really looked—it wasn’t just rage in his eyes. it was fear. worry. the kind that ran deep, that made his voice crack not from anger, but from something more helpless. something more brotherly. out of love.

“you don’t know what you’re getting into,” he muttered, quieter now, but no less sharp.

you opened your mouth to speak—but he shut that down before you could.

his chest rose and fell like he couldn’t catch his breath. and when he looked at you, really looked, it wasn’t just fury etched into his face—it was fear. raw and rattling, buried beneath every word he couldn’t say right.

“baekjin isn’t the same kid we knew,”

your fingers tightened around your phone.

he noticed.

his eyes flicked down to it, then back up to you. and this time, his voice didn’t rise. it sank—low, tired, final.

“i’m not gonna force you,” he said. “but if you’re keeping him... if this is what you’re choosing—then choose. tonight.”

and then he turned, walked away, the air between you thick with everything he didn’t say.

and you just stood there—phone still in hand, your heart stuck in your throat—knowing, without him saying it, that whatever you chose tonight... would change everything.

not just with baekjin, but with your own brother.

and all you could do was stand there, dripping rain onto the floor, feeling like a kid again. like no matter how much you’d grown, you’d never be more than his little sister.

later that night, long after the door slammed behind you and baku locked himself in his room, you sat on your bed with your knees pulled tight to your chest. your phone buzzed once.

you stared at the message. your wrist still ached from how hard baku had pulled. but your heart ached more.

you didn’t answer right away.

but you opened your drawer, dug through old notebooks, and pulled out the umbrella—the same black one he gave you that night it rained.

you still hadn’t returned it.

your fingers brushed over the fabric, tracing the edges like they held answers.

you thought about the way he looked at you—always like he wasn’t sure you were real. like he didn’t believe he deserved to be near you but couldn’t stop coming back anyway.

you thought about the silence he kept between you, not because he didn’t care, but because he did too much.

you thought about how he never pushed. never asked for more than what you gave. never made promises he couldn’t keep—but still showed up when it mattered.

he was here now.

in his own quiet, stubborn way—he chose you.

and the thought of losing him again, of watching him disappear without fighting to keep him this time—it felt like a second heartbreak you weren’t sure you’d survive.

your thumb hovered over your screen.

a thousand ways to say i’m sorry, or this is too much, or i can’t.

but none of them were true.

so you typed back slowly, quietly.

you pressed send, watching the messages pile up, delivered. and for the first time all night, you breathed.

whatever came next—whatever fights, secrets, screaming matches waited—you weren’t gonna let baekjin fade away from your life.

not again.

you were willing to argue, to plead, to fight your brother if you had to—but you weren’t going to lose baekjin twice.

note: i edited this bc it wasnt proofread when i posted it lol, plz bare with me i fixed repeat paragraphs i forgot to edit 😭

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50 people on the taglist.. holy shit might need a pt 2 soon

[solarstranger]

a/n. my first migrated fic and this one's an oldie but a goodie (at least, i like to think so lmao). marriage, when it's not failing lol, is so romantic to me, and i wanted to encapsulate what it's like being married to bakugou in this fic. i hope you enjoy this! (0.9k)

c.w. fem!reader, pro-hero!katsuki, established relationship, aged-up (28 years old)

“i’m home,” you call out, haphazardly putting your keys back into your bag with one hand, the other cradling near your chest the mid-sized box you got from sato’s shop earlier that day.

you’re careful not to mess up the pastry that sits inside it.

“welcome home,” bakugou’s gruff voice echoes from the direction of the kitchen, the sound of which immediately soothes the tension you didn’t know you held in your shoulders.

it’s been a long day, you think to yourself.

excited to meet him after almost 24 hours of not seeing each other, you hurriedly toe off your shoes, noting to yourself to properly return them on the shoe rack later—lest your katsuki nags your ear off again (affectionately).

“hey,” you greet once more as you enter the room, cautiously placing the box on the table before striding towards him to wrap your arms around his middle.

he grunts in acknowledgment.

with your chin on his firm shoulder, you examine the impressive array of ingredients and some of your favorite dishes on the kitchen counter, as well as on the island behind you.

you decide to tease him.

“what’s all this for, babe?”

you can somehow feel more than see him side-eyeing you. “the fuck?”

as innocently as you can, you pipe up: “what?”

at your query, he shrugs himself from your hold and places the knife he was just using to expertly chop vegetables on the table before turning to face you, incredulous.

“whaddya mean, ‘what’?” he huffs, before continuing. “are you saying you forgot what day it is?”

you debate with yourself for a second whether or not to continue this ruse, ultimately deciding against it when you see the flash of hurt on bakugou’s face.

smiling, you reach out to hold his hands in yours.

he doesn’t shrug you off.

a frown still decorates his face, though.

“of course i didn’t, babe,” you say, squeezing his hand for emphasis. “how could i?”

“with how little sleep you’ve been getting ‘cause of how hard you work?” he retorts—rhetorically, based on his tone, “very.”

you only grumble in response as he turns back to continue hacking on the green onions on the off-white chopping board.

he wasn’t wrong.

after a few seconds of staring at his backside, you sigh in defeat, spinning to step toward the kitchen island.

“well, i got us something.”

“what,” he says more than asks, focus still directed towards slicing carrots now. you smile to yourself; you could practically hear the pout in his tone.

you tap on his shoulder, and at that, he finally turns to look at you, an eyebrow raised in question.

immediately, his gaze lowers to the box that you’re currently holding, and a whirlwind of emotions dances across his face.

“...‘happy 4th anniversary to us, champ’?”

despite yourself, you snort. he shoots you a glare, though it has no bite to it.

you gesture to the cake you’re holding. “i didn’t include ‘i love you’ because i knew that would embarrass you around sato the next time the class gets together.”

“yet you decided to use this weird as fuck pet name?” he shakes his head, exasperated. if you didn’t know any better, you’d think his cheeks are turning pink. “your dumbass making me sound like your kid.”

at that, you cackle, and a smirk manages to crack through the annoyed facade he’s trying to maintain.

you place the box back on the counter and step towards him again, coaxing the knife from his grip. you place it on the board before moving to circle your arms around his neck.

his hands automatically find their place on your hips.

you grin up at him.

“well, you do call me mommy, sometimes.”

now, you’re definitely not imagining the scarlet that’s creeping up on his face.

“shut up,” he pokes at your side, and you can’t help the squeal that erupts from you.

after a moment of him tickling you and you frantically begging him to stop all the while gasping for air, he finally relents.

he’s still red in the neck when the air between you falls into a quiet lull.

you reach up to comb his hair back with your fingers, tiptoeing to press a kiss on his forehead. when you pull back, you see that his gaze has visibly softened, and he’s now looking at you with what you’ve long identified as adoration.

longing, too.

four years of being married, and it still knocks the wind out of your lungs.

“happy anniversary, kats,” you whisper, before looking around your shared kitchen that’s filled with testaments of the effort bakugou puts into your relationship. “thank you for doing this.”

“‘s no big deal,” he mumbles, dipping his head to rest on the crook of your neck. he says this despite everything else in the room telling you otherwise.

when he lifts his head back up, you shoot him a knowing look, and he shoots you another right back.

one you know all too well.

one that says, ‘you know what i mean. don’t make me say it’.

four years of being married, and the giddiness and pride of knowing bakugou katsuki this intimately still hit you like a truck.

“i love you,” you whisper again.

“yeah, yeah,” he says dismissively, before dipping in to place a kiss on your forehead. “i love you, too, dumbass.”

˗ˏˋ while likes are appreciated, they don't do much on tumblr! if you want to support me and writers in general, reblogs, replies, and tags are the way to go. feel free to drop an ask, too—i'd love to chat. have a nice day! ´ˎ˗

[vivalas-vega]

like real people do / bucky barnes x reader

yay first bucky one shot !! this literally started as me wanting to write some quick and dirty one-bed trope nonsense... and then it got real lol. i just love him your honor, i got angsty and fluffy real fast. as always, please let me know what you think!!

like real people do / bucky barnes x reader

I do not have a taglist--if you'd like to be notified, please follow @vegaslibrary and turn on post notifications!

summary: a brush with death on a mission leads to you and bucky confronting your feelings.

word count: 5.6k

warnings: canon level violence/scary situations, language, angst, minor suggestiveness (this takes place in some reality where bucky & reader work for fury lmao & a very minor reference to this happening after endgame but none of that really matters it was just the vibe that ended up happening)

The air felt hot and sticky around you, laced with danger and the edge of fear you were keeping at arm's length… but it was harder to do so as you went crashing down a full flight of stairs… assailant in tow and doing nothing to break your fall.

“Princess? Could use a little help out here,” you heard Bucky grunt in your ear and the familiar surge of worry filled your chest as you rolled to your feet, not wasting a second in launching an attack on the man in front of you.

“Little busy, Buck,” you managed to get out, dodging a hit before landing one of your own, but your thoughts weren’t here. Each step you took backwards was goading your attacker, but it was also leading you closer to Bucky. “How bad?” you followed up, a kick sharp to your ribs knocking the breath out of you but the feeling was secondary to everything else going on in your mind.

“Don’t worry about me,” he replied. The words eased your anxiety–marginally–and let you be more present in the fight at your feet, not the one down the hall.

Everything in your body ached, and you didn’t know if the blood sliding down your temple was from where you’d collided with every sharp edge of the staircase, or from one of the hits your opponent had managed to land.

If you had to wager, you’d probably say it was from both.

You tasted blood against your teeth, and you finally landed a combo that brought the man to his knees… but before you could finish the job he was back on his feet, grabbing you by the throat and pinning you to the wall. Your legs kicked several feet off the ground as he lifted you, the force cutting off your airflow.

He knocked your head against the concrete hard enough to make your ears ring, and you brought your fists down with everything you had against his elbows–trying to break them down, give you some kind of opening, but they were locked and rigid.

“Bucky!” you choked out, praying to a god you didn’t really believe in that he heard you. When the gloved hand tightened around the column of your throat you felt the lack of oxygen clouding your brain, vision darkening around the edges.

You fell to the floor suddenly, knees colliding painfully with the concrete as you sucked in a desperate breath. Your lungs burned as you coughed, trying to force the air down around the panic that had begun to settle deep in your bones.

A gunshot fell on your muffled ears, but you didn’t flinch. Somewhere in the back of your mind you instinctively knew it was Bucky, and you pressed your palms flat against the cool floor to try and ground yourself… but Bucky’s slid over them, gripping and trying to get you to focus on him.

“Hey,” he said softly, reaching out and tilting your chin up. As soon as you looked into those stormy blue eyes you felt some of the anxiety ease, and he made quick work looking you over. “Talk to me, are you okay?” His gaze was holding yours with a little too much weight and you swore he might have flinched when he saw the outline of the man’s hands already appearing around your neck… but maybe you’d been deprived of air for too long.

You nodded, trying to hide your wince as he helped you to your feet. “Never better,” you replied, taking a step back and trying to put some distance between you. “Did you get it?”

He gave you a slightly deadpan look, holding a flash drive between his thumb and index finger that you quickly snatched to zip safely into a pocket inside your suit.

“Then let’s get the hell out of here,” you sighed.

You slid Bucky’s spare helmet on your head with practiced ease and took your spot behind him on the bike… a routine done so many times neither of you even thought as your limbs moved.

He reached back and tapped twice against your calf, you tapped twice against his chest, and his bike roared into action.

You let yourself relax, just slightly, as you held onto Bucky and weaved through the busy streets of the foreign city. The cool night air felt like pure relief as it kissed your skin, and if you knew he wouldn’t yell at you, you’d have taken the helmet off to let it wash over you fully.

Your chin rested lightly on his shoulder, watching the way the streetlights blurred around you, as the weight of the night crashed heavy over your frame. His arm moved down to your leg, metal stretching down the length of it and gripping your calf, holding you firm as he took a tight turn, bike tilting closer to the pavement. He let it linger for a moment as it straightened out, knowing you were momentarily rattled by the mission even if you wouldn’t say it, and he gave you a soft squeeze that said more than he could in that moment.

You shifted, cheek pressing against his back, eyes fluttering closed and arms still tight around his torso. You thought to yourself that you loved these moments with Bucky maybe more than anything. Just you and him, the stretch of road, and the air whipping around you. You both were always outrunning danger, outrunning death, but on this bike it felt like it couldn’t catch you. Like nothing could… and Bucky was thinking the same thing.

He didn’t need to look back at you to know you’d shut your eyes, and his grip on the handlebars tightened. The feeling of you wrapped around him, placing your trust right in the palm of his hands did something to him that he didn’t want to think about too much. You shot through the night, barely a blur to stationary eyes, and you had relaxed into him and closed your eyes. The weight of that had clawed its way into Bucky’s chest, made a home somewhere under his ribs, and he hated how much he liked it.

You hopped off the bike with ease, looking up at the motel that would have been unappealing on its best day like it was a beacon of comfort and sanctuary, and he couldn’t help but chuckle softly at the way your heavy footsteps trudged all the way to the door.

You stood there for a moment, staring at it like it might open itself… and so did he.

“Aren’t you gonna open it?” you asked, brow furrowing.

“Was gonna ask you the same thing, princess.”

You just looked at each other for a moment, trying to process.

“I don’t have the key,” you said and his eyes widened.

“Well, I don’t have it either,” he replied and you pinched the bridge of your nose.

“I saw Fury give you the key.”

“Then you took it after we dropped our shit off.”

“Unbelievable,” you muttered. “World’s best assassin.” You patted along your suit, trying to feel for a key you knew you didn’t have. “Can’t keep track of a fucking motel key.”

“You talking about me or you?” He wasn’t able to keep the smirk off his face, despite his exhaustion.

“You know what?” you asked and he raised his eyebrows expectantly, but his expression dropped almost as fast as you did to your knees right in front of him.

“What the hell are you-” he stopped short, watching you pull a bobby pin from your hair to stick into the door handle.

“Oh,” he murmured, a sheepish hand landing on the back of his neck, and you huffed a soft laugh, turning back to give him an amused glance as you jimmied the door open. He was grateful you couldn’t see the heat in his cheeks under the cover of night, or the way he locked his gaze on the door rather than you beneath him.

You took his hand when he offered it, and pushed into the sparse room with a sigh. You were ready to sink into your post-mission routine when you caught a glimpse of the key resting on the dresser, just beside his things, and you turned to look at him triumphantly.

“Aha!” you said, pointing. “I knew I didn’t take it.”

“You can be so petulant sometimes,” he muttered. “At least you’re consistent. Like a common criminal.”

You scoffed. “And thank god for it.”

“You want first shower?” He was already pulling a change of clothes out and you shook your head, busying yourself with propping your tablet up beside him.

“Go ahead, gonna get this to Fury.”

His gaze on you lingered for a moment, but you didn’t notice, and he disappeared into the bathroom like it hadn’t happened.

Your fingers traced the spot where your opponent had grabbed you, wincing at how tender it felt. You waited for the intel to load, mind drifting to what could have happened if Bucky hadn’t made it in time.

You shook off the thought.

Bucky always got to you. 

It wasn’t just your easy dynamic, or deep-seated feelings you refused to acknowledge that kept you from asking Fury to reassign you… it was that he never left you behind.

There were moments where he could have, where you nor anyone else would have blamed him. When it was too dangerous to go back for you, when it would have compromised him as much as you were… he always showed up.

And you did the same for him.

Countless missions, countless brushes with death. You’d both die before leaving the other behind.

You walked out together, or you didn’t walk out at all.

The tablet dinged and you pulled out the flash drive, tucking into your bag and pulling out your pajamas just as Bucky opened the bathroom door.

He was towel drying his hair, white tee and low-slung grey sweats hugging him in a way you tried really hard not to focus on.

“Don’t get mad that there’s no hot water,” he said, almost sheepishly. “There wasn’t any when I got in.”

You huffed an unamused laugh, meeting his eye for just a moment. “Only the best for Fury’s top agents,” you joked before shutting the door behind you.

You didn’t linger under the icy stream, not wanting to spend any more time than you had to. Each movement tugged and pulled at your muscles in a way that made you fight a groan–you didn’t want to make a peep. Not with Bucky and his super soldier hearing on the other side of the door. It’d only make him worry, and all you wanted was sleep.

When you re-emerged he was already laying on his side of the bed, closest to the door like always, and you finally noticed the fact that there was in fact only one–and you breathed a light sigh of relief. You should have been annoyed, you had a suspicion Fury actually kept doing this to you both for his own amusement, but you didn’t care. Even with the firm boundary of six inches between you, you always slept better beside Bucky. You felt safe, and you were more rested after a long mission than you were on a normal night in the compound.

He watched you carefully as you tucked your suit into your bag and went through your usual routine of getting ready for bed. Each new bruise he spotted made him shift upright, concern darkening his expression, and he was quickly in motion when he saw the cut above your eyebrow he’d missed before.

“Jesus Christ,” he muttered and your eyebrow pinched at his sudden movement.

“What are you doing?” you asked, hovering in the center of the room, and you almost thought he looked mad for a second.

“Would you sit down?” he huffed, grabbing the med kit from his bag and you followed his orders despite your resigned sigh.

“It’s fine, Bucky.”

“No,” he said, voice firm as he moved in between your legs. “It’s really not.” He tilted your chin up to get a better look at it, disapproval settling deep in his features.

“It’s just a scratch.”

He gave you a deadpan look, running an alcohol swab across it. You hissed, hand shooting out to grab the hem of his shirt. You bunched it in your fist, fingers grazing the skin just above the waistband of his sweats and you felt him tense under your touch. You dropped your hand like he’d burned you, keeping your eyes on your own lap to avoid his gaze.

“Should have called for me sooner,” he muttered, carefully applying butterfly bandages like he was scared you’d shatter if he pressed too hard.

“Was a little preoccupied,” you replied and you could see just how unamused he was with you. “I had him,” you added. “Until he decided choking me out was a good plan.”

He was quiet as his hand settled on the side of your neck, thumb lightly tracing along the bruise that was growing angrier as it settled deep in your skin. You hated the warmth that flooded through you at the small contact, and the way his concerned eyes seemed to be burning right into your soul. 

“You could have died.”

“But I didn’t,” you whispered, voice barely audible through the silence. “You always show up.”

“Almost didn’t,” he muttered. “I was pinned. Thought I wouldn’t make it in time…” he trailed off, giving you another once over to make sure he didn’t miss anything. 

“He had you-” he hesitated, jaw tight. “By the throat, doll.” His voice was tight, stretching like it was about to break and your expression softened.

“I know.” You gave him your best reassuring look. “But I’m alright. Always am.”

He nodded once, unconvinced, and you sank back into the mattress as he put the kit away.

Something tense had settled over the room as you pulled the covers higher, but you didn’t know how to address it. Bucky always worried, you joked it was his inner old man coming out, but something in the way he’d held your gaze felt different. Something churned beneath the surface of his gaze, something you couldn’t name. You didn’t want to read into it–to let your mind wander into forbidden territory but the more the silence lingered the harder it was.

This wasn’t the first time you’d nearly died, wasn’t even the worst brush with it. You wanted to ask why this time had seemingly lodged itself under his skin but you couldn’t force the words past your lips.

The bed dipped under his weight as he slid in beside you, leaving a few inches of space like he always did but it didn’t matter. You could feel the warmth of him immediately, the pull to sink into it was almost gravitational but you resisted and leaned over to turn off the lamp.

You both laid silently, staring up at the shadows on the ceiling, waiting to see if the other would say something but neither of you seemed willing to break.

His vibranium hand twitched on his chest and he exhaled softly, the weight finally pressing down hard enough.

“I’m going to say something.”

Your head tilted slightly towards him, but you didn’t move your eyes from the ceiling.

“Okay.”

“I didn’t have to kill that guy.” He paused, considering his next words. “I wanted to, because he was trying to kill you.”

Your breath caught somewhere in your throat. You knew the relationship he had with taking a life. No matter how justified, it always stirred old feelings and you never wanted him to do that for you unless he had to. “Bucky-”

“That doesn’t bother me,” he cut you off. “Maybe it should, but it doesn’t. What bothers me is how indifferent you are to dying.”

You sighed softly. “I’m not indifferent to dying.”

“Could have fooled me.” The words were sharp, but there was no edge to them.

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” you said, voice quiet.

“You always scare me,” he exhaled. “Everything you do scares the hell out of me.”

You didn’t respond, couldn’t find any words to say as your heart started to thump unevenly in your chest.

“I try not to worry because I know you can handle yourself,” he continued. “But in those moments when you can’t…” he trailed off, not wanting to finish his sentence.

You finally turned to look at him, eyes settling on his profile and you felt something clench deep behind your ribs at the emotion he was trying to keep off his face. 

“You’re important to me,” he said after a few moments, and this caught you off guard. You knew that… at least in theory. He’d never said it so explicitly, but he never had to. He said it through actions, in his own way.

“I know,” you whispered.

“No, I don’t think you do, doll.” he replied, erring on a sigh. You rolled over onto your side to face him fully, delicately, like if you moved too fast you’d break the moment. “I tried not to care about you, thought it would be too hard. You almost remind me of Steve, if he had a mouth like yours and a habit of driving me crazy.”

You breathed a short laugh.

“I didn’t want to care because I knew if I did, it’d be too much when you left.”

“I haven’t gone anywhere, have I?” You hadn’t been able to find any words until now, but those ones flowed out easily.

“Not yet,” he said, turning his head towards you and you felt your breath catch when he finally met your eyes.

You hesitated, just long enough for the silence to stretch. “Not ever.”

“You can’t say things like that,” he muttered and your brows pinched together.

“Why not?”

“Because you can’t mean it.”

You fixed him with a firm look, something close to irritation tugging in your chest. “I do mean it.”

He looked back at the ceiling. “Maybe I don’t want you to.”

“What does that mean?”

“You’ve… changed since we started working together. You’re harsher, quicker to the trigger. I don’t want to rub off on you more than I already have.” You could see it clearly even if he was fighting to hide it–guilt. “You’re too good for me to be dragging you down, doll.”

You let out a sigh, not annoyed, just hurt. “You think you’re the big bad wolf corrupting little red riding hood?” 

“Well-”

“Fury paired you with me because my heart got in the way too much. I gave second chances to people that used them to try and kill me, and I almost fucked up missions looking for good in people that wasn’t there.”

He didn’t respond.

“I was a great agent before I met you, but I made bad calls because I thought I could give people the same second chance that was given to me. I found a balance… because of you. I’m alive because of you, Bucky.”

You could see the confusion flicker behind his eyes, like he knew he’d said something wrong but wasn’t sure what. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“Of course you didn’t.” You rolled back over and stared at the ceiling, feeling the crack of your heart as you did. “You just said you’re not good enough to be around. How is that not upsetting?”

“I’m not. And I don’t care if you think being my partner has helped you–all I can see is you becoming more like me and I can’t stand it.”

“Because being like you is such a bad thing?” Your eyes darted back to him again, but he wasn’t looking at you anymore. He was worrying his cheek between his teeth, gaze hard as he stared above him.

“Yes.”

That hit low and stayed there, stubborn and sore. You could feel something dancing on your tongue that you wanted to bury… so you did.

“You’re a fucking idiot,” you huffed, shuffling out from under the covers and standing.

He propped himself up on his elbows, shocked by your sudden movement, and watched as you grabbed a pair of pants from your bag.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“I don’t–” you stopped, searching for the answer yourself. “I don’t know.” He sighed when your shorts hit the floor, then quickly crossed the room, catching your wrist. Not rough, but firm–enough to make you pause.

“You’re not going anywhere.”

“What happened to knowing I could handle myself?” Your hands were shaking and Bucky was having a hard time figuring out what had made you snap like this, why you were refusing to look him in the eye.

“That’s not–fuck,” he muttered. “You’re not going anywhere because you’re angry and I can’t let you walk away like this. Can we just-” he stopped himself and ran a hand through his hair. “Can we just rewind? Go back and start this conversation over?”

“I don’t know how to pretend this conversation never happened.”

He looked lost, like he was searching for what he’d said wrong… and you weren’t stopping, so he grabbed the pants you were trying to step into and threw them somewhere behind you.

You stared at him, exasperation evident, the heat rising in your chest.

“Are you serious?”

“What the hell just happened?” He stared down at you but you wouldn’t look up. “One minute we’re having a conversation and the next you’re trying to storm out into a bad part of town in the middle of the night.”

You finally tilted your head up, and his face softened. Your eyes burned, throat tightening as you fought to keep your face blank, but he noticed… he always did. 

“Talk to me,” he pleaded, voice gentler than it had just been. “Please just tell me what I said wrong.”

“You know, I was actually proud of myself for the way I’ve learned from you?” you asked, not really expecting an answer. You turned around and bent over to pick up your pants, and Bucky’s eyes darted away, jaw tight.

“Then I find out you actually think less of me for-”

“I do not think less of you-”

“That’s not even why I’m mad!” you yelled, throwing your jeans back onto the floor with a frustrated huff after stumbling trying to pull them on.

“Why are you mad? Make me understand here, sweetheart, because I’m having a real hard time figuring out how to fix this.”

Hearing him say sweetheart in that low tone made you falter, and he caught it.

He took a step closer and hooked your chin to keep your eyes on him when you tried to look away. 

“Come on, sweetheart,” he said, voice dropping to nearly a whisper, trying to coax it out of you. “Please just talk to me.”

“Don’t,” you warned, pushing his arm away and taking a step back. “You don’t get to say you’re not good enough and then use the fact that I care to make me talk.”

“Is that really what this is about?”

“Of course it is!” you snapped. “I fucking love you, Bucky. And I am so tired of you acting like you’re unlovable. Like you don’t deserve something good.”

“I’m not,” he shot back, not even registering what you’d just said. “Not from you. Do you really think I could let myself–let you–get closer to me than you already are?”

“You don’t get to decide how I feel!” You were at the end of your rope, hands still shaking. “I love you, and you’re just going to have to figure out how to deal with that.”

The first time hadn’t sunk in, but the second made Bucky’s heart stop in his chest with a painful clench that nearly winded him. You loved him… but you weren’t done.

“I thought- fuck,” you shook your head, trying to organize your thoughts. “I have never expected you to feel the same way about me, but I can’t take you acting like I’m some delicate flower you’re bound to poison. I can’t listen to it and not tell you that I’m unbearably fucking in love with you.”

He didn’t say anything. He just stared at you with a look that you couldn’t read and you felt like you’d ripped your heart out and handed it to him just to watch him step on it.

The more the silence dragged, the more you itched to run… so you did.

You managed to tug your jeans up your legs as you said, “so to answer your question, yeah. I’m trying to storm out in the middle of the night because I can’t do whatever this is anymore. I’ll ask Fury to reassign me.”

You walked past him, each step laced with uncertainty and heartbreak, but you never made it to the door.

He caught your wrist and spun you around. You stumbled, colliding with his chest, hands braced on the firm muscle. You lifted your head to look up at him, eyes wide and scared of what he might say, but his mouth was on yours before you could even get a word out.

His lips were hungry, demanding and possessive as if he could etch his response into your skin… and then they were gone as soon as they’d appeared, leaving you reeling and breathless as he stepped back with a huff.

“Fuck, sweetheart,” he said, voice rough with conflict. “I can’t–I’m only going to hurt you. You deserve better. Better than me.”

You just blinked for a moment, one hand coming up to touch your lips like you were trying to convince yourself it was real.

“Are you being serious right now?” you asked, and his head snapped up.

“What?” 

“Do you need me to lay it all out? Is that it?”

“I don’t-”

“You never let me walk on the outside of the sidewalk. You’ve seen me kill people with my bare hands, but god forbid I walk too close to the street,” you started, letting out an unamused chuckle. “You keep an extra knife in your boot just for me, because you know I like to throw mine and then get mad when I don’t have it. Sometimes in the middle of the night you jolt awake, just to look at me. To make sure I’m still there. You think I don’t notice, but I do… it’s the only way I can sleep, and I sleep like shit at the compound because I don’t feel safe unless you’re near me.”

“Sweetheart-” he tried, but you just cut him off again, unable to stop now that you’d started.

“When I manage to make you laugh in the middle of a mission it actually feels like my heart is glowing and it’s disgusting,” you huffed, laughing despite yourself. You weren’t even making an effort to hide the tears that managed to slip down your cheeks. “I could listen to you laugh for the rest of my life and it still probably wouldn’t be enough. I’ve never cared about impressing anyone in the gym, but god–when you give me that infuriating little smirk of yours when I manage to catch you off guard, it makes me feel like I can do anything. You make me feel like I can do anything.”

You took a step forward and closed the distance. “You’re scared of hurting me. But I don’t think you realize–this, right now, is hurting me. You thinking you’re not good enough. That you’re not deserving of something good.”

His hands twitched at his sides, desperately wanting to reach out and grab you, but he held himself back.

“You deserve it more than anyone. And I’m not scared of you, Bucky. You’re not broken, not some ruined thing that needs fixed. I don’t even care if it’s not me, if you don’t want this or if you don’t feel the same, I just need you to stop acting like you don’t deserve it.”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he sighed, small and broken, finally reaching out to grab your waist and pull you closer.

He brushed a strand of hair behind your ear, thumb brushing along your cheek as he looked down at you like you were something holy–sent to save and curse him all at once.

“I take the outside of the sidewalk, and bring an extra knife, and wake up just to check up on you because I love you.” he said, letting it hang for a moment as his hand on your waist tightened. “I love you so much, it scares the hell out of me… and I didn’t know how else to show you that. It didn’t feel fair to give it to you straight because this isn’t normal or easy, and I didn’t want to drag you into it.”

He took a deep breath. “You think I’m not damaged, but I am. I’ve got some serious shit I’m still working through, and I didn’t want to put you through that.”

“You’re putting me through it anyway,” you said. “Might as well let me hold your hand because I hate watching you do it alone.”

He just looked you over for a moment, searching for any trace of uncertainty in your eyes but all he found was an unwavering love that rattled him to his core.

He leaned down and kissed you–not fiery and desperate like the first time. Properly, slowly, like it should have been.

“Our lives were never meant to be normal and easy, Bucky,” you said when he pulled back, a hint of your usual mischief in your eyes that he loved so much. “I met you fighting weird alien robots that looked like bugs.”

He laughed, handing you that favorite sound of yours that made you flush, before giving you another slow, deep kiss.

“I wanna take you out,” he mumbled against your lips. “Something normal, like real people do.”

The ghost of a smirk tugged at your features. “You gonna ask me to go steady at the end of it, Sergeant Barnes?”

He fought a groan at hearing you pull out his long-forgotten rank. “Don’t call me that before date three–and I might.”

You laughed and wrapped your arms around his shoulders, nose brushing his.

“You think you’re making it to date three?” you teased and a slow, satisfied grin tugged at his lips.

“You did just scream at me over the fact that you’re in love with me,” he said, bringing his hands down to the top button of your jeans, slowly undoing it without breaking eye contact. “I think I can get a lot more out of you than three dates.”

Your breath hitched, but you didn’t deny it.

He caught the way your eyes tracked him as he sank onto the floor, tugging your jeans down your legs and holding your calves to help you step out of them. “Don’t look at me like that,” he said, mildly scolding.

His hands slid up to the backs of your thighs and you couldn’t help but thread your fingers through his hair when he gently kissed below the hem of your shirt, a soft breath escaping… but he was back at your lips before you could even blink.

“Come on, off to bed,” he ordered, and you huffed a small laugh of disbelief.

“You’re a tease, Sergeant.”

“Shouldn’t have told you I liked that,” he muttered, sliding in beside you. “Call me old-fashioned, but I want to do this right–earn the privilege to have you like that.”

Your cheeks flushed and you bit back a smile as you settled beneath the covers.

“You’re very old fashioned,” you teased and he gave you a deadpan look. “But I think it’s perfect.” You leaned over to press a kiss to his cheek, lingering for just a moment. “I’d wait as long as you wanted.”

You eyed the space between you. “Is the invisible boundary still in effect until date three?”

He chuckled and reached out, pulling you flush against him and you laid your head against his chest, listening to the steady thud of his heart as you wrapped an arm around his torso.

You lay like that for a few minutes, letting what had just happened wash over you as your eyes fluttered shut at the feeling of his arms holding you so securely, and the way he kept pressing kisses to the top of your head.

He reached down, gently tilting your chin towards him and your breath stalled when you caught those blue eyes you loved so much, holding yours just as intensely as they always did, but with something else in them now–completely unguarded.

“I need you to know I’ll never do anything to intentionally hurt you.”

You nodded, “I already knew that, Bucky.”

He leaned down to press his lips to yours, short and sweet before either of you let it turn into something heated.

“And I sleep better next to you, too,” he said, letting his thumb trail along your bottom lip. “Never have nightmares when you’re next to me.”

You smiled softly, cupping his cheek and tracing your thumb across his cheekbone. “I’ll be here if you ever do.”

He kissed you again, like he was trying to tell you something he didn’t have the words for, and you felt every one deep in your chest.

You chased his lips when he pulled away and he smirked against you, giving you one, then two, then three more quick kisses that made you giggle.

“Goodnight, sweetheart.”

“Goodnight, Sergeant.”

[bluukive]

From the Back

summary - uh-oh! Your fiendish boyfriend caught you staring at his fingers again. Luckily for you, he knows what you want.

wc - 2.1k words

content - Toji x reader, p slapping, fingering, clit play, dumbification kinda? idk, he's mean, it's all consensual pinky promise

an - uh so I procrastinated this cus im ill and nothings proofread or makes sense to me !! I also dislike fingering so wtf do I know lol lmk what needs changing thx gng

Toji doesn’t know where he got the ring that he’s spinning idly between his fingers. It’s a cheap thing, and he’s got no clue why he's kept it around. Regardless, Toji keeps twirling the ring around, thick fingers dipping in and out of it periodically as he lays on one end of the couch. 

It kills you. You’ve never wanted to swap places with a piece of jewellery so desperately in your life before. One of your knees bounced almost anxiously as you watched him from the other end of the couch, eyes trained on his fingers. As for getting wet, you were beyond that point. You’ve been aching for him ever since you first saw him removing the ring off his finger.

His fingers were thick and tanned, joints prominent from years of doing damage. There were rough scars everywhere, the careless sort you loved to pepper kisses all over when you held his hand in yours. You’ve felt those hands pry your thighs apart so that he could get a taste of what lay in between. You’ve seen those same hands bruised and battered, fingers twitching and flexing after a rough night out. 

But right now? They were relaxed. The ring was nestled between two of your boyfriend's fingers before he tossed it and caught it in his weighty palm. You weren’t even ashamed at how blatantly you were ogling at the veins that rose from below his skin. 

Toji doesn’t notice it straight away, the heated, yearning glances coming from you. He just hums low, almost like he’s thinking about something. A thick thumb rubs over the edge of his ring with a precision that’s languid, whilst his other hand rests on his thigh. He rubs at the bulky limb, fingers splayed out, and you flinch. 

Without warning, Toji’s eyes meet yours. They’re lazy but incredibly knowing. He knows what you want, but he wants to hear it from your own mouth first.

“Gonna keep eye-fuckin’ my hand? You’ve been quiet for a good while now,” he says casually, as if he hasn’t got the sleaziest smirk appearing on his scarred lip. You know damn well he’s pretending to have known you were staring at him the entire time, but you couldn’t focus on that. You can’t. 

Toji’s fingers are flexing again, all for show. The ring clinks against his prominent knuckles as his voice drops low. You watch as he slouches in his seat, thighs fallen open a little wider. It’s clearly an invitation for you to come closer.

So you do. 

۫ ꣑ৎ

You don’t even know how you got here. One second you were sassing back, getting all defensive as he called you out on your perverted behaviour. The next moment, you had both of his heavy thighs over yours, pulling them apart and locking them in place. It’s comical to Toji how you flinch at the sound of his voice so close to your ear, scar rubbing against the tender flesh of your lobe.

One nip, then another. His tongue flicks out as you shudder, ass nudging up against his crotch as you remain at your boyfriend's mercy. “You like my hands that much, hm? Shoulda said somethin”, he murmured, hot breath fanning against your temple. “You could have had them on your cunt much sooner than this if you spoke up.”

“And have you call me easy? No thanks,” a scoff leaves your lips as you writhe in Toji’s lap, but his legs have you immobilised. An awkward yelp escapes you when the man begins to massage at your inner thighs, the pudgy skin barely covered by your shorts. His thumb pinched and rolled the skin around before sliding beneath the fabric of what you were wearing. 

Toji clicks his tongue. “Nah, believe me. I’m flattered, doll. Gets me all hot and bothered when you’re whorin’ over me like this,” he murmurs as his hands feel up the warmth at the crease of your thighs. 

“Language-”

“Who gives a fuck about language when I’ve got your cunt in the palm of my hands. Literally,” Toji scoffs, one of his hands sliding out from under your shorts and cupping your pussy and giving it a confident squeeze. The warmth seeps into his skin and he groans appreciatively. His actions are met with a wanton little mewl, your body slouching against his.

“None of that. You wanted this, remember?” Toji lifts you up so that your back properly meets his strong front, his lips mouthing at the side of your neck eagerly. This action was met by a hitch in your breath as his middle and ring finger dragged up and down the seam of your shorts in a painfully teasing manner. Your hips buck upwards, chasing more of his touch, but his free hands lays flat against your pelvis and pushes you back down. 

The pressure you felt down below alternated, ranging from intense nudges with his knuckles, to the light scratches of his nails against the print of your pussy. “You’re squirming. Where's all that sass gone, huh? ‘S it all gone now that my hands are right where you want ‘em?”

Toji’s words are punctuated by another slow drag of his fingers, this time right past the leg opening of your shorts and between your folds. Your clit is prominent and pulsing, met with stroke after stroke with the increasingly soaked digits of your smug boyfriend. You’re twitching, fighting between closing your legs or keeping them spread real nice and wide. 

“F-fuck, Toji…!” You whine, face scrunching up as Toji’s fingers capture your clit between the joints of fingers. He tugs, and the sensation is borderline uncomfortable. You can’t bring yourself to tell him to stop being mean, too focused on the sparks of pleasure that have your hole clenching around nothing. It’s pathetic. 

“F-fuck, Toji!” he mocks, a cruel huff of laughter rumbling in his chest. You can feel his front almost vibrate behind you, but the erection prodding up against the curve of your ass is even more of a distraction. “No whining, brat. You’re getting what I give you when I think you deserve it.” 

The thick fingers leave you, making you choke on a breath out of sheer disappointment. “No, cmon. Toji, that’s not fair,” you practically hissed, a hand flying out to grab his arm. You tug and tug, just enough to have his knuckles grazing your inner thigh. You can feel the man you’re sitting on exhale gruffly, and the atmosphere shifts from one that’s less playful to one that’s more…charged. You didn’t dare look back at your lover, knowing you’ve put him in a mood. 

To put it bluntly, Toji’s had enough. 

“Oh, you’re so fuckin’ mouthy,” Toji tuts in mock disapproval, making quick work of moving his legs momentarily so that he could shuck your panties and shorts off. Without missing a beat, his thighs are over yours, cool air hitting the slickness between your legs. You were mortified.

“Hey now…”

Slap. 

“Hm? What was that?” 

Another wet slap. 

His entire palm rubs against your stinging mound as your lips fall open, breath hitching in your throat as you screw your eyes shut. This wasn’t the first time Toji had caught you off guard, but you loved it. He knew you loved it too, with the way your entire pussy seemed to throb even harder on his hand. 

“Oooh, you liked that,” he grins, attempting to soothe the sting by dipping his fingertips into your hole. Barely. He pulls back out, cock oozing precum when you shake your head side to side. “Awh, don’t be like that. Just sit there all nice ‘n pretty whilst I play with this nasty pussy.”

“No, you’re n-not even playing with me properly…,” you complain, and Toji doesn’t know how you have the nerve to. You should be grateful he even decided to entertain your little hand fetish in the first place. A faux sigh of impatience leaves him, and dread builds up in your gut. 

What if he leaves me here, you thought, all alone and needy with no fingers in your pussy. How would you cum then? 

But no. Toji decides to be merciful, which was a rare occurrence. 

“Alright, alright. Fine, I’ll play with you. But don’t start cryin’ later,” was all he said before easing his fingers into your pussy. There were two long fingers at first, delivering agonisingly slow strokes inside your cunt. He curls them once they’re buried to the knuckle, a lewd squelch emitting from you. It’s a noise that has your ears reddening in embarrassment, but he continues. 

“A-ahh, just like that…,” you manage to stammer out, until the pad of his thumb joins in. He massages your clit, cooing at how you melted against him as your shoulders hunched in on themselves. Toji’s free hand groped at one of your tits through your t-shirt. Well, his t-shirt. One that was bunched up around your waist. Both of you were too distracted to take it off. 

“Atta girl. Taking these fingers like a champ,” he grunts, the speed of his fingers increasing inside of you. Despite the fact that your body was held back by the asshole behind you, you rolled your hips as best as you could so that you could fuck yourself on his digits. Each grind had your ass milking his cock through his sweats, the front dark from beads of precum soaking the soft material. Whilst the friction was beyond delicious, Toji didn’t falter. Not for a second. 

“Heh, look at you,” condescending words met with a harsh thrust of his fingers. “You start feeling good and forget who’s really in charge around here.”

The warning goes over your head, and your eyes widen when you can feel his free arm hook itself snugly around your throat. Toji fully intends to keep you in place with this headlock. 

“You wanna hump me like some bitch? Now do it,” he drawled lowly, slowly hunching over your back as his mouth drags over your jaw. Two fingers turn into three, relentless as they fucked the arousal out of you. “Slutty pussy droolin’ all over my lap.”

You’re gasping and moaning, all whilst being unable to move. The arm around your throat isn’t too tight, but he periodically flexes it just to remind you of your place. “Gonna cum, think I’m g-gonna cum, oh-”

“Nah, don’t think so,” and so he withdraws his fingers. He does so without warning. A full body shudder leaves you, frustration and the urge to cum becoming overwhelming. “Fuck, you feel that? Pussy didn’t want me to let go,” Toji muses out loud, the sounds of licking coming from behind you when he rolls his tongue around his wet digits. As filthy as ever. 

You want to berate him, tell him off for being disgusting. But his nose buries itself at the crook of your neck before gives your clit a little tug. 

“Toji, please!”

And who was he to deny you when you begged so sweetly?

First, he spread your lips open with his fingers in a scissor-like motion. Then, you felt your boyfriend stuffing you full once more, causing a mini-sob to leave your lips in sweet relief. He moaned deeply at the heat that enveloped his fingers again, curling his fingers in a hooked manner. 

“S-so close, I swear,” you were letting the tears flow freely now, breathing coming out unevenly as Toji took in your words with a feral sort of glee. At the prospect of your approaching orgasm, Toji doubled his efforts. In and out his fingers plunged, speeding up and slowing down at a pace he deemed fit for your pleasure. 

“Make a mess on me, doll. Know you can do it,” he urged feverishly, sounding as desperate as you felt. Drops of sweat beaded on his temple, drenching the neckline of his own compression shirt. The headlock Toji had you in tightened just a fraction as his palm wetly smacked against your pubic bone repeatedly, causing the dewy splatters of your orgasm to leave you at long last. Your stomach tensed, ache in your pussy growing unbearable until that coil snapped and you came with an embarrassingly loud squeal. Toji hushed you, fingers slipping out and focusing on prolonging your orgasm by massaging your clit once more. 

“Thaaaat’s it,” your boyfriend grinned wolfishly as you spasmed against him. But that wasn’t enough. Not for him. You hadn’t squirted yet, and he was dead set on testing your velocity. You shouldn’t have been surprised when Toji’s fingers began its filthy rhythm once more, all whilst his lips pecked at your temple. 

“You know what to say if you want me to stop.”

the ending is rushed eek sorry

divider by @omi-resources

[jollyhunter]

Finally I get to react to this lovely review 🧡

This description of period pain is the best. I gotta say - you know what the one benefit of having a baby is? No period. And sometimes it takes even looonnger after. And okay pain, sure, but you forget that, and yes, bleeding once the birth is done, but you have the excuse to wear nappies and use ice packs for your hoohaa and, and, people give you sympathy lol - sorry, tmi… 😂

ice packs for your hoohaa?? I - I had no idea 😳 never excuse yourself for tmi, this is educational okay 😂

And excuse me miss, spoiled our self with Chuck spoilers did we? I guess it’s hard not to…

Yup, I've read it in so many fics. Just little things like "Oh for Chuck's Sake". And the first time I read it, I was VERY confused for obvious reasons but yeah, I pieced it together quickly 😂

Hahaha - I know you said you like One Piece somewhere, I’m sure we spoke about it once - do they teach kids that in the ahow/manga? I’ve only ever seen it in samurai stuff. Have you ever watched any of the Rurouni Kenshin adaptations! You NEED to see it if you haven’t. The dude in the live action version is hot 🔥

LOL yes we did! And we spoke about Dragon Ball too 😂 No I haven't watched it yet!!! But I know who you're talking about! (Also that Mackenyu, who played in Rurouni Kenshin's live action, plays Zoro in the One Piece live action 😏)

Hahaha - he’s not wrong 😂 benefits all round…

Let's be real. It's the only benefit, Dean.

I mean, she’s surrounded by Dean, wouldn’t she be horny all the time, but truth. I also liked how you word played the nub here at the bottom - look, I did it too - it really liked that. I feel like that fruit gut is called for right about now…

Probably, lol. Aaah yes, that gif... here you go, only took me another 10 minutes to find it (I don't know why I just spent so much time for that. For the future; It's literally the first one for "squishy fruit finger" lmao)

Ahhhh - I love it. Dean totally would, too. They’re surrounded by blood as you said, what’s different. Though I love how clueless he is about the days. Unless this has been going on for a little longer, anyone who has their period for two days, I’m very damn jealous of! Is it even possible?

Aren't most men just clueless about this? Even when they should know. I feel like I'm repeating myself every month that - no - my period is not done after the second day 😂

I’m seeing bean a lot lately! It is cute ❤️

Really?? I feel like I must've picked it up somewhere at some point but I can't remember where

Hahaha - Dean you horny fucker! But yes please? I was kind of hoping he might’ve convinced her 😏 I was enjoying this way too much.

😂 don't worry, I'm pretty damn sure he would find a way to convince her if he tried long enough

Okay. So when I read Nathan Algren, I was scratching my head. Is that his Last Samurai character’s name? I think I’ve seen that move once - shame on me. But it didn’t click till I got here.

Yeah, okay, so, you got me there. I didn't remember his name either, had to google it. I just tossed it in there for Dean's pop-culture reference's sake, thinking that he would've probably liked that movie and the idea of being a Samurai. 😅

This was marvellous! I can’t wait to see what your mind comes up with next. I just love the way you write the inner monologues with the touches of humour - speaks to my soul ❤️

Thank you so so much Beth!! You're one of my inspiring writers for humour 🧡🧡🧡

Shower Reliever

⋆ ˚｡⋆ COUPLE Dean Winchester x f!Reader

⋆ ˚｡⋆ WARNINGS SMUT 18+ MDNI, established relationship, menstruating (evil cramps!!), tooth-rotting sweet fluff, mention of blood (light), Dean being dorky and cute, guided masturbation in the shower? (idk how to tag this sryyy), Dean’s misuse of a shower head as a magic wand, no use of Y/N, English isn’t my native language

⋆ ˚｡⋆ SUMMARY It’s that time of the month; Cramps are tormenting you, but Dean’s there to cheer you up and look after you by giving you some relief. ♡ ⋆ ˚｡⋆ WORDS 4,2k

It’s afternoon. Or maybe it’s evening.

How are you supposed to know when you’re surrounded by the bunker’s concrete and artificial light all day?

A pathetic, writhing-weeping blood sacrifice wrapped up in bed sheets like a burrito. That’s what you are. Ready to be served. Honestly, though? Big Hellhound pupper toying with your guts suddenly seems much more appealing than a day ago. At least the doggo wouldn’t take three damn days to rip your innards out.

But you won’t complain. Because right now? Things seemed oddly… okay? It’s almost suspicious.

A deep sigh of relief falls of your lips and you dare to sprawl out on the mattress. Star-fish formation. Plain ceiling staring back down at you.

You’re maybe 5 seconds into your newfound content - and then the little bitch ruins it by raking her peeler down your walls. A sharp hiss presses past your clenched teeth.

Nevermind. Here she goes again.

Peeling your uterus out from the inside. Like Lilith herself is down there, having a feast on your unborn – and very non-existent – baby.

Muffled by Dean’s pillow, you scream. Fuck that time of the month.

Why’s it always that time of the month? Again and again and again.

Why can’t you just get the period twice a year like a bitch and get on with it? It’s not like you signed up for this. In fact, you’d very much like to file a complaint.

Not that Chuck would care. “That bastard knows why he doesn’t own an uterus...” you grumble.

A hot flush shoots through your body. Wheezing takes over your breathing. The bedsheets go flying along some of the pillows you’d burrowed yourself in.

Burning up. Hot. Your body feels like your ovaries decided to have a meltdown.

You roll around the bed, aimlessly. A ball of messy hair. Entangled in the sweat-drenched pyjama you couldn’t get yourself to change from. Arms clutched around your stomach, fingers clawing at the hot-water bag which so far hasn’t done much more than give you third-degree burns and only add to the feverish heat steaming beneath your skin.

When the door to your and Dean’s bedroom opens, you can’t even bring yourself to lift your head. Instead you’re curled up like a salted snail, squirming, each and every noise escaping from you thick with pain.

“Hey baby, ‘m back…” Dean greets you from across the room, his voice dying down as he spots you on the bed just where he'd left you this morning.

Your face plants into the sheets when you double over from another stab to your uterus.

“It’s trying to kill me, Dean,” you whimper into the mattress. Dean’s face contorts at your strangled sound.

“That bad?” It’s a stupid question, and he realizes it the moment it leaves his mouth. Of course it’s bad. You look like hell.

And worst is, it’s been going like this the entire day already. First time Dean’s witnessing it from the start, too. You’d been together for a couple of months now, but you being you, you’d so far managed to slip away just in time before your period kicked down the door.

Now that you moved in with the boys in the bunker that didn’t seem an option any longer.

You watch Dean’s face harden, the way it always does when he starts to feel helpless.

Indeed, Dean could feel the frustration claw on the inside of his chest. To the point he secretly wished your state would just be the aftermath of a hunt gone wrong.

At least he would know what to do then, y’know? Clean your wounds, stitch you back together if needed – maybe it wouldn’t look as neat as when you did it, but it’d do the job – because that’s what he’s good at.

But this? He didn’t quite know how to work with this.

There’s no injury he could just patch up. No swig of whiskey to dampen the pain. No way for him to help. And watching you writhe like you were being tortured from the inside, was killing him.

He sighs. The shopping bag in his hand gets dropped to the floor and he rounds the bed to your side. A frustrated hand ruffles back his hair. His eyes taking in the battlefield you’ve caused. And they come to rest on your crumpled form, smack in the middle of it all.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart…” He mutters softly. And he means it. You know he does. The words were simple, yet you know that if he could, he’d take your pain away in a heartbeat. But he can’t. Because for some reason, despite all the supernatural crap you get to deal with on a daily basis, this isn’t an option.

Damn you Chuck.

You make a sound between a whine and a sigh at the grave conclusion, at which Dean’s eyebrows pull together.

The bed dips down beside you and next moment the warmth of his body presses against your side. He slowly runs his hand over your shoulders to rub your back in soothing circles.

“Anything I can do to make you feel better..?” he asks.

“Rip it out. Use it for your next blood sacrifice. Sell it to Crowley. I don’t care- I don’t want it no more.” You wail while crawling into his lap, your face burying into his grey shirt and the blue jacket that’s partially covering it.

“Jesus,”– Dean laughs softly, his deep voice rumbling under your cheeks –“Yeah, not happening.”

His arms wrap around you to pull you closer. The familiar smell of his fills your senses when you nuzzle your nose into the fabric of his clothes. A combination of his musk, fresh lemon and a hint of sweetness of his cologne clouds your mind.

Your muscles relax for a fraction. Melting into his heavy embrace. It’s odd how just a smell can have such a calming effect. As of right now, you wished you could just climb into his shirt, buttoned-up, and pressed flush against his body. All safe, warm and fuzzy.

But Uterus-Lilith had different plans. The sharp wince you try to bite back, doesn’t go unnoticed by Dean.

“My poor baby… C’mere…” He leans down to place a tender kiss onto your crown while he cradles you on his lap like a wounded animal.

His chin comes to rest on top of your head. Lips press against your hair. “It’ll pass… You’ll feel better soon… My brave girl…” He murmurs softly and you sigh.

Another twinge to your abdomen. Your body jolts, then caves in. Dean startles for a moment but then tightens his arms around you, pulling you up against his chest.

While he continues to rub your back, his other hand begins to card through the back of your hair. “Shhh, it’s okay… I got you…”

“It’s like the damn thing is committing sepukku.” You lament with fingers curled into his shirt. Nose buried in his chest. Trying everything to physically ground you until the cramp goes by.

At that comparison, Dean’s eyebrows shoot up and his lips twitch into a pressed smirk. “Damn it, don’t make me laugh.” His stomach contracts and shakes beneath you.

In response, a disgruntled noise gets huffed into his chest. And Dean can’t help a short, surprised snort.

“Sepukku?” He tries so hard to sound serious and to hold in his chuckles, but finally loses his battle. “Seriously?” He shakes his head lightly and his green eyes crinkle slightly when he continues to tease you, “You telling me, you got a wee little Samurai down there?”

A wee little Samurai throwing a tantrum in your uterus? Okay, that image carried a smile to your lips. Sounds a lot cooler than Lilith feeding on your unborn child.

Unfortunately the wee little Samurai was not amused and rammed it’s katana once more into your uterus.

Another jolt goes through your body. Another strangled sound follows. You burrow your face even further into his arms in hopes that his smell will just work like some narcotics.

Perhaps it’ll just knock me out when I dig my face deep enough into his shirt? A weird thought. But you guess that’s just what menstrual hormones mixed with pain does.

“Yes.” you wince, “And it failed to conceive a child,” then groan in agony, “So now it wants to punish me for it.”

Now Dean actually has to bite back a hearty laughter. “Oh, sweetie.”– he taps your head lightly with his finger –“Look on the bright side. At least we know I didn't knock you up. It's like a free monthly pregnancy test.“

That jab would have earned him a deadpan glare of yours if it wasn’t for the next attack on your inner walls and your body jerked into his arms this time.

Dean’s light-hearted expression contorts into a pained one. Jaws clenched with a twinge of guilt.

“Want me to get you some painkillers? Or – uh – maybe some whisky?” he inquires, his head tilted down in an attempt to meet your gaze. But your eyes are scrunched up, face still hidden in his bunched up shirt.

“Baby, can you look at me for a sec?” he pleads, while his hands slip underneath to cradle your chin now, coaxing you out of your den. You lift your head, just enough to meet his concerned eyes.

“None of that helps…” You mutter. Although you did wonder whether whiskey might even do the trick. Get the wee little samurai bitch a little tipsy down there, hm? Maybe it would pass out?

No – no, now you’re thinking like Dean. That’s a terrible idea.

“Imagine you’re getting stabbed in the stomach and the blade gets twisted. Repeatedly. For hours.”

Dean winces inwardly at your description. A hand instinctively clutches his stomach. He doesn’t have to imagine what that pain feels like. He knows.

He shakes his head like he’s trying to snap out of some memories from downstairs, his eyes back on you just when you writhe again with a stifled groan.

“Okay, that‘s enough. I‘m getting you off the rack,” he declares and you don’t even get the chance to react when he’s already scooping your curled up form up into his arms.

“W-what? What are you going to do, Dean?” you ask confused while he pulls you to your feet and starts leading you out the bedroom and down the bunker's hallway.

"I'm going to distract you," he replies, glancing back over his shoulder at you while he leads you to the main bathroom, "I did some digging this morning... to see what I could do to help with your period cramps, and it looks like an orgasm might do the trick."

You stop in your tracks. Quick enough for Dean to almost stumble into the bathrooms doorframe.

"N-no," you squeak, eyes wide.

"No, what? No it won't work or no you don't-"

"No, I'm fine."

"So it does work?"

"Well- uh-" you trip over your words when the heat rushes to your cheeks, "It's - it's different when I... uh..."

"Hey, it's okay. Nothing to be ashamed of," he chuckles softly and brings up his hand to cup your cheek, "Is it 'cuz of the blood? You do know I don't care about it, right? You really think I won't touch you just 'cause you're on your period?"

"No, but... it's awkward... and gross..." you mumble, eyes averted as you can feel the heat going both ways now.

Because, even if you wouldn't admit it, you did feel a bit horny. It's just one of those many fluctuating emotions a period entails. In those blessed days, it feels like your mood is being regulated by a pinball machine. And as of right now, it hit the tingling nub at the very bottom.

"Gross? Honey, I've been covered in guts, sludge, crap and all sorts of other nasty stuff. Do you honestly think a little blood's gonna phase me?" He tilts your head up to make you look at him, his lips twitch in amusement but his words are genuine, "You're not gross, sweetheart. Not to me..."

"But-" the next argument forms on your lips when he dives down to muffle them with a kiss. Your cheeks cradled by his large hands. Tender, soft, but enough to shut you up and make you melt into him.

When he finally pulls back, his plump lips still hovering inches from yours, he speaks softly.

“Why don’t you just let me take care of you?”

His green eyes flick back and forth between yours, intense and yet calming. And really, how could you ever say no to him when he looks at you like you'll break his heart if you don't let him help you.

A sudden twinge in your stomach has you hunch over, and it's enough to finally convince you to let go of your tribulations with a weak nod of yours.

“Okay," you wince under your sharp exhale. The pain in your voice has Dean's hands dart down, one to your contracted stomach and one to the small of your back.

"Alright then, c'mon, sweetheart..." he mutters. Then gently guides you towards the shower after he closed and locked the door behind you.

When he notices how your teeth pull at your lower lip the way they always do when you're overthinking things, he grabs both of your hands. He squeezes them to get you to look at him, just to bestow you with one of his trademark grins. Confident, cheeky and oh so lovable.

“You trust me, right? It won't be awkward, promise. Nothing wrong with giving my girl some relief. Besides... This is purely therapeutic,” he quips and winks at you.

Once both of your clothes are piled up in a corner, you pad over the cold tiles and into the shower. Dean slides in after you, his naked body flush against your skin, his body heat a warm welcome in the cold air of the large bathroom. His arms envelop you from behind, one hand splayed out on your stomach to try and sooth your cramps, the other reaching for the shower head to pull it from its holder.

“Lean back, I got you baby,” he assures you while tugging you gently further back into his chest.

He turns on the shower, tests the temperature until it's the perfect heat and then slowly brings it down to the level of your stomach with the spray of water still pointed to the floor.

“Spread your legs a bit for me, sweetie,” he gently nudges his knee between your thighs, coaxing you into a wider stance while he continues to hum above you, “Mhm, that's it. Now just relax and lemme take care of you...”

Dean rests his chin on top of your head, the stubbles tingling your scalp as he does so. The air around you slowly begins to mix with steam while his body holds you close. Save and protected. The world reduced to just the two of you and the warmth hugging you from head to toe. Your thoughts and worries are drowned out by the rhythmic pattering of the droplets hitting the smooth shower floor as the sound echoes off of the tiled bunker walls all around you.

You feel yourself relax against him, despite the occasional, small jolts of pain which keep reminding you of that fact.

At last, a heavy sigh drops off your lips. The signal Dean has been waiting for.

He tugs at the hose, just enough to guide the water up your legs, then your thighs...

When the first jet of water hits right on your bundle of nerves, you almost buckle over with a gasped, “Oh shit-”

Your fingernails bite into the skin of his forearms, drawing a hiss from him. He moves his free hand to your hip, his grip on your squishy flesh gentle but strong. Steadying and grounding you.

“Feels good?” he asks while playing with the angle of the shower head.

You nod. Jolting whenever one of the water jets grazes your sensitive spot.

“Want me to keep goin‘?”

“Mhm,” you hum.

The hand on your hips slides over the bump on your bones and dips down between your legs. Next moment, calloused fingers slip along your folds to spread them open.

You shiver under the touch of his rough fingertips and at the feeling of him coating them in some of your arousal.

He angles the shower head slightly lower now, until a row of water jets skim your entrance. Your breath hitches. Then comes out in a shaky whimper.

Your legs start to go weak, feeling like jello.

Dean gently tugs you up again and pulls your back flush into his chest to keep you upright, making sure he's your anchor in this tidal wave of pleasure he's drowning you in.

“Just let go... that’s it…” he coos, now his head angled to nuzzle his nose against your temple.

Another shockwave travels through your body and tightens your coil even more, to the point it feels like it’s going to explode soon.

Your head drops back onto Dean‘s shoulder. Neck draped over his collarbone, just where his anti-possession tat lays. Shaky and ragged breaths mingle in the damp air of the shower.

“Just relax,” he places a kiss to your temple, his stubbles tingling the wet skin as he murmurs, “I got you.”

His fingers spread you further while he brings the shower head closer, allowing some of the water to push past your entrance.

“Oh fuck- Dean-” you gasp and whine at the same time.

„Language, young lady,“ he chides playfully, „This is purely therapeutical, remember?“

You choke on a giggle when he moves the shower head a fraction lower and the water jet grazes your sensitive nub just the right way, enough to send an intense jolt of pleasure through your body.

“Ah, so that's the magic angle, huh?” Dean laughs softly, his chest rumbling against your back.

“Uh-huh,” you manage to get out in a weak whimper as Dean's making sure to keep the right angle.

The intensity has your nerves on fire, like your core's being hooked up to electricity with hundreds of little needles tingling your most sensitive spot.

“M-move - p-please,” you beg in a shaky voice that has Dean's smile next to your cheek widen.

“Guide me,” he prompts softly, the hand on the shower head waiting for your instructions. You slip your hand along his strong arm, over the bump of his wrist, until you cover his hand with your tender fingers.

Slowly you begin to guide his hand into small, circular motions. The water jets brush your nub now from all sides, the overwhelming sensation enough to make you whimper weakly and your head loll to the side to bury your nose under his jaw.

“Too much?” he asks, his head tips to the side to look down into your eyes. You shake your head, lips parted, eyes half-lidded as they meet his. Hair’s stuck to your damp, flushed, skin, pupils blown wide, gaze intoxicated from pleasure.

The corner of his lips tugs into a smirk at your blissful expression. It's such a stark contrast to what you'd looked like moments ago when you were doubling over from pain. And if it wasn’t for the special circumstances, he’d make sure to keep you in this state all day and night. The growing pressure of his own arousal heavy against your back is evidence of his thoughts.

But this is about you now. His needs will just have to wait for – for… how long did a period even last? A day? Two? Hm, maybe if you’d feel comfortable enough, he wouldn’t need to wait this long. But one step at a time.

When your legs begin to shake, Dean presses his lips to your ear, murmuring into it, deep and hoarse from his own arousal.

“You’re doing so well for me… Now close your eyes, sweetheart. I want you to just relax and feel…”

You don't have to be told twice. The intensity is enough to make your eyes flutter close, squinting them even as your face contorts from the jolts of pleasure coursing through your body like a firework.

“Now I want you to imagine it's my mouth down there...”

While he keeps you distracted with the images he's painting in his husky voice, the hand on your folds leaves you and he reaches for the tap, increasing the water pressure.

“Y'know... the way I like to wrap my lips around you… and suck on that cute little bean 'til you're sobbing.”

“O-oh my God-” you mewl after the hard jet of water swallows your pulsing nub, causing your legs to buckle. The feeling's like a lightning bolt has just hit you. And it just keeps striking. Your other hand darts to his thigh behind you, fingernails biting into his skin in an attempt to ground you. But the jolts of pleasure set the nerves down your legs on hot white fire now, with everything from your stomach downwards tingling.

“That’s the reaction I was hoping for…” he chuckles and keeps going with his sweet words of praise somewhere outside of your clouded mind.

Images of Dean kneeling between your legs pulse under your eyelids. How his broad shoulders shove your knees apart, keeping your legs spread as they begin to fight him from the intensity of his mouth on your core. How the soft flesh of your thighs is squished under the force of his fingers, how you witness the veins on his arms pop as his muscles work relentlessly to prevent you from squirming away. How he holds your gaze the entire time, pupils blown up wide from hunger and lust as they eat away the deep emerald pools circling them.

Ragged breaths leave your lips. Another row of jolts has your body shaking in his arms. Each one driving you closer to your climax until you’re teetering on the edge. When your body begins to fight him and thrash around, Dean quickly tightens his grip around your hips to hold you in place.

He moves his lips to your temple, planting a tender kiss there, prickling stubbles brush the side of your face while he continues to talk you through it.

“You're doing so well... Let go for me, sweetheart... I've got you, I'll catch you, promise.”

Just when you feel yourself tip over, his free hand leaves your core to the constant onslaught of the circling water jets and moves it to your hand. His fingers slide between yours, intertwining them.

Then the tidal wave crashes down on you.

Dean's hand squeezes yours. The corner of his lips still pressed to your temple.

A guttural sound leaves the back of your throat when waves after waves of ecstasy course through you, enough for your knees to give in as your body goes limp.

“Oh- we goin' down?” he jokes softly as he follows your movement.

As promised, Dean catches you right after you've dropped some inches. Chuckling lightly above you as he pulls you back to your feet. Legs still shaky like a newborn foal’s.

“C'mon, bambi...” - he teases and slides the shower head back into place before he wraps both of his arms around your waist and turns you to face you with a soft smile - “…there you go.” You smile back at him, your hands finding purchase on his hips, gaze still a bit woozy.

He brushes a damp strand of hair out of your face, head tilted down to your eye-level, “Hey there, sweetie. You feeling better?”

“Yes,” you sigh, one of relief at the missing pain. At least for the moment. You melt into his embrace, feeling how your wet and naked bodies lock together like a perfect puzzle piece. “So much better.”

“Good, that’s good…” he murmurs into your hair after your forehead had dropped to his chest.

After a moment of peaceful silence, a mischievous grin creeps onto his face.

He clears his throat.

“You want me to battle that wee little samurai with my sword now?”

It takes your dazed mind a moment to catch up with his rather creative innuendo.

Once it hits you, you sputter an amused chuckle, “Please don’t.”

Dean huffs through his nose, feigning disappointment.

“Aw c’mon… Y'know, I’ve always wanted to fight a samurai… I’d make a pretty good Nathan Algren, don’t ya think?” he quips, then his lips quirk into a boyish, innocent grin as he adds, “...and my sword wouldn't mind getting bloody either.”

Now this has you raise your head to meet his cheeky expression and burst out in laughter.

“You do us both a favour and keep your mighty sword in your pants for now, you hear me? Idiot-” you playfully slap his chest, the wet sound echoing off the bathroom tiles. Dean’s grin doesn’t waver, instead his hands on your back slide down your spine until they reach your ass cheeks.

He clicks his tongue.

“Hey, don’t knock it until you’ve tried it, s’all I’m sayin’,” he jabs softly as he pats both your ass cheeks. His eyes crinkle at the corner, and he's got a secret smile on his face, proud of how he made you not only smile, but laugh, despite the hell trip you’re on. Maybe he’s not as helpless as he thought.

His features suddenly harden, eyes narrowed as they dart down to your stomach, a pointed finger now prodding the spot below your bellybutton.

“Now back to you,” he growls, you giggle, and he has to fight to keep a straight face and his voice especially low and warning as he continues, “You leave my girl alone now. Or else I’ll personally come down there and take care of you, Tom Cruise style. You hear me you evil little bitch?”

⋆ ˚｡⋆ J/NOTES May Dean bring some relief to all of you poor, fellow victims of Uterus Lilith. <3

And thank you, @ambiguous-avery for your help with the correct name for the shower head lol 😌

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[galactic-rhea]

tbc i dont like when some ppl want to chalk down all of anakin's flaws on being groomed and being manipulated, because first, well, that's very boring and flattening, actually. And second, because flaws are necesary for a good character.

But also, Anakin as a character is so mentally ill that it is hard to tell what's just literal war ptsd intrusive thoughts, literal sithly manipulations, or just him having a jerk moment, lol. Anakin's main flaw is and will always be violence, and we all know from where that violence comes (his upbringing and also being put into a literal war), I can't not imagine Anakin not having violent thoughts at least half of the time, and is interesting to me because discussion about intrusive thoughts in fandom is rarely ever brought up, because a lot of the time Anakin seems to be partaking in really, really disturbing imagery or thoughts (and doesn't act on them) and a lot of these sound like intrusive thoughts to me, and Anakin's capacity to understand when a thoguht is or not his is very low lmao.

See, as someone that deals with intrusive thoughts, these suck bad, they suck a lot, I had a panic attack over an intrusive thought once. I need to avoid certain type of media or things to avoid intrusive thoughts, I still get very vivid imagery and intrusive thoughts from some dumb gore creepypasta I read when I was like 16; the thing with them is that to deal with these you need to be aware that brains are weird and sometimes They Will do That.

Now, case on point, Anakin who at the tender age of 9 years old already had seen so many slaves' heads exploding that he's capable of joking about it, was taught that his lightsaber (a weapon) is his life, lost his mom in the most violent way possible, then murdered a whole village over it, and then went to war for more countless pointless deaths, and who also very clearly shows traits of bpd (one of the symptoms being going from extreme idolization to contempt, and very extreme mood swings), is honestly going to have at least some very disgusting and disturbing ideas from time to time and not all of those can be blamed on Palpatine, at least not directly.

Like sure, ol' Palps takes advantage of those and makes them worse, and yes, of course some of the worst things you can find in Anakin are in fact, because of the grooming; but like, not all of it. And it really takes nuance and some good understanding of these things to not end in the far end of either side of the argument.

So like, yeah, the negative traits can't be downplayed, and the grooming can't be downplayed either, but the mental illness' symptoms shouldn't be downplayed as well, because seriously some of you all will go "Anakin is so bad on the head <3" and then when he does show the Actual Ugly Side of being Mentally Unwell, the reaction is either: "omg that's so crazy american psycho vibes wtf wtf that's not good why no one talks about how evil he is oml" or "that's just because Palpatine".

(and to be clear, I already said it, but gonna say it again, Palpatine IS to blame for a lot of it lmao, just,,,is very complicated, alright, a lot of Anakin's personality was molded both by Palpatine but also Obi-Wan/The Order.

Also, since is technically talked about in the post: Thoughts=/=Actions, not the point but just mentioning it because this is The Internet)

[myinaru]

Childhood Best Friend Complex - Part 3

You and Heeseung have been best friends forever. Emphasis on forever. Like, learned-how-to-walk-together type of forever. But college throws a wrench into your usual routine: one night blurs a line that was never supposed to move, and suddenly, everything feels different. Now there’s weird tension, awkward silences, and unspoken things you’re both too stubborn to say out loud. You don’t know what’s worse, pretending nothing’s changed or admitting everything has. Because staying friends? That was always the plan. Wanting more? That was never supposed to happen.

Pairing: Lee Heeseung x Fem!Reader

Genre: College AU, Childhood Best Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Smut, Angst, Fluff

Word Count: 39.6k Total (13.4k - Part 3)

Warnings: Dry humping (hell yeah), Corny maybe idc, Lots of misunderstanding, Mentions of multiple kpop idols, Cursing, Cunnilingus, Unprotected sex (pls don't), Praising, Heeseung is a yearner, Lmk if I missed anything lol

Author's Note: First time uploading here lol. This fic was heavily inspired by the manhwa/webtoon Childhood Friend Complex. I'll be splitting it into three parts since Tumblr won't let me post it in one go. Hope y'all enjoy T-T

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

It’s late.

The hallway outside your apartment is quiet except for the distant hum of a fluorescent light buzzing overhead.

Heeseung’s been standing in front of your door for five minutes.

He’s already raised his fist to knock twice—stopped himself both times.

He’s not sure if he even should be here. What if you didn’t mean it? What if you only said it because the elevator was too small and the air too thick and his words too much?

He shifts the weight between his feet, about to turn around- But the door opens.

Heeseung startles.

And there you are, framed in warm light.

Wearing his hoodie. The old gray one with the frayed sleeves and stretched cuffs. The one he left at your place a year ago claiming it was already too small anyway, but secretly hoping you’d wear it one day.

You blink at each other for a few seconds.

“You came,” you say, voice small, like maybe you didn’t think he actually would.

“Yeah,” he answers. “…You told me to.”

“I did,” you murmur. Then step aside. “Come in.” He steps in.

Takes off his shoes.

You both walk to the living room like you’re strangers in your own bodies.

No music. No movie playing in the background. No excuses. Just the couch.

Just you and him.

Heeseung sits on the far end. You sit on the other. Like there’s a wall between you, made of the things you didn’t say for weeks. The silence is thick, unbearable. You pull your knees up to your chest.

You tuck your knees up onto the couch, facing him. Heeseung’s wringing his hands in his lap. He looks like he’s been overthinking this conversation since forever.

“You look tired,” you finally say.

“You look warm,” he replies, nodding to the hoodie.

You both almost smile.

But then the quiet returns.

And this time, it demands more than small talk.

He leans forward, elbows on his knees, hands clasped. “So,” he says softly, voice tentative, “this is the part where we actually talk, huh?” You let out a quiet, humorless laugh. “Guess so.” You both stare at the table for a beat.

And then, “Why didn’t you tell me it was you?” you blurt out.

He looks at you, startled.

“The notes. The photo. The stupid banana milk. Why didn’t you just say?”

He shifts uncomfortably. “I didn’t know how. After everything… I didn’t think I had the right to just show up in your life again like nothing happened.” You hug your knees tighter.

“So you left anonymous gifts like some messed up secret admirer?”

“I was trying to apologize.”

“By haunting me?”

“I thought you’d know it was me,” he says quietly. “I thought… I hoped it’d be obvious.”

You shake your head, bitterly. “No. It wasn’t obvious. It was terrifying.” Your voice breaks, but you keep going.

“You don’t know what it felt like, reading those notes and thinking it was her.”

He blinks. “Her…?”

“Yeri,” you admit, almost ashamed to say it. “I thought it was her. Trying to get in my head. I… I saw the handwriting and thought it looked like hers, and the weird phrasing in the notes, the way they kept showing up when I was alone. I thought she was trying to mess with me. To get to me through you.”

You look down, fingers curling into the sleeves of his hoodie.

“And I thought… maybe you let her.” The air sucks out of the room.

Heeseung goes completely still.

“What?” he breathes.

You finally meet his eyes. “You were always with her. At rehearsals. Talking. Laughing. I thought… I thought maybe she knew something I didn’t. Maybe she knew you better than I did.”

“No,” he says firmly, almost too fast. “Y/n, no. That’s not- no.”

He runs a hand through his hair, like he wants to tear something apart.

“She was just a partner. That’s it. She was nice to me, yeah, but… it wasn’t like that. It was never like that.”

“It felt like it,” you whisper.

He leans back, exhaling hard. “I didn’t know you thought that,” he says quietly. “I didn’t know you got scared. “Why didn’t you ask me?” You glance at him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

He swallows hard. That question stops him cold.

“Why didn’t you just talk to me, Heeseung?”

“Because I thought if I opened my mouth, I’d tell you I loved you.” Your breath catches. The words hang in the air like smoke. He smiles, bitterly. “And I didn’t think you wanted to hear that.” You stare at him. And something inside you cracks.

“You idiot,” you say, voice wobbling.

“I know.”

“We’ve known each other our whole lives.”

“I know.”

“And you thought anonymous banana milk was the move?”

He gives you a sheepish look. “I panicked.”

“Clearly.” You laugh softly, the kind that’s half-sob, half-hysterical. Then you look at him again. Your eyes sting. “I hated seeing you with her,” you admit. “I felt crazy for it. Like I wasn’t allowed to be upset because we were just… friends.”

“We were never just friends.” Heeseung looks at you like he wants to say more, but he stops himself.

And that hesitation breaks your heart a little. “What?” you ask gently. “What are you thinking?” He hesitates again. “I want to kiss you.” You blink.

“But I’m scared if I do… I’ll mess everything up all over again.” Heeseung stares at you like he’s searching your face for an answer he already knows but doesn’t believe. “I don’t want to take more than what you’re willing to give,” he adds.

“Heeseung…”

He sits back a little. Tries to play it off with a small, pained smile. “It’s fine. We can just talk. I mean, it’s been weeks of not talking. Talking is already a miracle.” But you don’t want to talk anymore. Not right now.

You lean in.

And you kiss him.

Your hands grip his jaw like you’re grounding yourself in him, like if you don’t, you’ll fly right off the earth. And he kisses you back like he’s been holding his breath for months and only now gets to exhale.

It’s not gentle. Not clean. It’s emotional. A little overwhelming.

It’s you saying I missed you.

It’s him saying I’m still yours, if you’ll have me.

His hands find your waist, tugging you closer. Your fingers thread through his hair. He gasps softly into your mouth, like he can’t believe this is happening.

But you both keep going.

No more silence.

No more pretending.

Only breathless kisses and shaky hands.

You finally pull back, both of you panting, foreheads pressed together.

Heeseung whispers, “You kissed me first.”

“It’s not the first time.” You whisper back, “Don’t make it weird.”

He smiles, wide and shaky. “You can’t disappear on me again.”

“I won’t.”

“Promise?”

“I swear.”

You're now straddling his lap, the air between you heavy and buzzing, like everything that happened before this had been leading right here. His lips are red, kiss-swollen, breath uneven. Your fingers are still curled in the collar of his shirt, and his hands haven’t left your waist. Not since you pulled him in like he was the only real thing left in the world.

Heeseung looks at you like he’s trying to memorize everything. His thumbs are tracing slow, grounding circles against your sides, like he's afraid that if he stops, you'll vanish.

“Are you sure?” he breathes, voice low, wrecked, forehead still resting against yours. “Tell me now if you want to stop. I’ll listen, I’ll stop, I swear.”

You shake your head slowly, eyes locked onto his. You don't pull back. You don’t hesitate.

Your voice is soft, but sure. “I want you, Hee.”

You don’t even remember who moved first. All you know is, one second you were looking into Heeseung’s eyes, chest heaving and heart racing, and the next, his lips were crashing into yours with a kind of hunger that tasted like years of holding back.

He kissed you like a man starved, like he needed to memorize the shape of your mouth to survive. His hands came up to cradle your face, gentle and reverent even through the desperate press of his lips. When he finally pulled away, just far enough to breathe, his forehead stayed pressed against yours, his breath warm and ragged between you.

“You don’t know,” he panted, voice gravelly and thick with emotion, “how long I’ve waited to hear you say that.”

His thumbs brushed along your cheekbones as if grounding himself, as if making sure you were real. “How many nights I’ve stayed awake thinking about this… about you,” he whispered, lips brushing yours again. “Imagining what it would be like to touch you again. To have you like this…”

Your breath caught as his hands slid down, firm and possessive, settling on your hips before tugging you flush against him. The hard line of his arousal pressed hotly against your stomach, and it made your pulse spike. His voice dropped to a whisper as his lips brushed your neck.

“I want you too,” he murmured. Lazy kisses followed his words, dancing along the curve of your collarbone. “So please… please let me be yours. I want to be yours again. I’m all yours, just tell me you’re mine. Just say it, and I’ll be yours. No one else’s.”

Your voice came out low, breathless, trembling. “You’re mine… and I’m yours. Only yours. For as long as you want me, Hee.”

The effect was instant. Heeseung’s whole body shuddered at your words, a guttural moan escaping his throat as he buried his face in the crook of your neck. “Fuck, Y/n,” he groaned, voice raw. “You have no idea how much I needed to hear that.”

When he looked up again, his eyes were darker, glassy with lust and something else, something deeper. Yearning.

He slowly descended, lips never straying far from your skin. You felt the hem of your hoodie lift, his teeth gently tugging at the fabric. His hands traced slow patterns along your waist, fingers warm and careful as he slid the hoodie up. Your breath caught as he pulled it over your head, revealing more of yourself to him.

Heeseung stared like he was trying to burn the image into his brain. He cupped your breasts, thumbs brushing over your bra. “I want to explore every inch of you,” he whispered, voice low and reverent. “Worship you like you deserve.”

You felt a sharp nip at your shoulder, followed by the soothing warmth of his tongue. Your skin was on fire everywhere he touched.

“Can I please touch you more?” he asked, his hands sliding lower, fingers teasing at the waistband of your pants. “Taste you everywhere?”

You barely managed to whisper, “Yes… please.”

Heeseung didn’t need anything more. He started pressing open-mouthed kisses along your stomach, tongue flicking out between each one. He dropped to his knees in front of you like it was instinct, like this was where he always belonged.

“Fuck, look at you…” he murmured, his hands smoothing up your thighs before cupping your ass with reverence. “You’re perfect.”

You gasped when his lips brushed your inner thigh.

“Tell me what you want, baby,” he said against your skin. “Tell me how to make you feel good.”

Your hand found his hair, fingers tangling into the soft strands. “Please… I need you.”

He growled softly at your words, hands gripping tighter. But you paused, blinking down at him.

“Wait… You're being unfair. I’m completely naked, and you’re still in every piece of clothing.”

You tugged lightly at his shirt, giving him a playful pout. “Take it off. Let me see you.”

Heeseung let out a shaky breath, the corners of his lips twitching into a smirk as he stood up.

“Yes ma’am.”

He stripped slowly, teasingly. First, his shirt, he pulled it off in one smooth motion, revealing his toned chest and abs. You couldn’t help but let your eyes roam, drinking him in. Then came his jeans, unbuttoned and pushed down with deliberate slowness until he was left in nothing but tight black boxers that barely concealed how hard he was.

He stepped back into your space, pulling you against him again.

“Now the odds are even,” he murmured, voice rough as his lips brushed your ear.

You chuckled nervously, eyes flicking up to meet his. “If someone told me months ago I’d be laying naked with my best friend on my couch, I wouldn’t have believed it.”

His laugh rumbled against your chest as his hands slid up your back. “Believe it now?” he teased, trailing kisses along your jaw.

You couldn’t answer. Not when his hips started rocking into yours, slow and deliberate, the heat between you overwhelming.

“You feel that, baby?” he growled, voice thick. “That’s all for you. Because of you.”

Your eyes raked down his body, fingers twitching with need. You trailed your hand over his abdomen, marveling at the way he twitched under your touch, before slipping your hand beneath the waistband of his boxers.

Heeseung groaned, head falling back as your hand palmed his arousal. “Fuck, Y/n… your hands feel so good.”

And then he was tugging your bra down, exposing your chest before taking one nipple into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it until you were arching into him. He gave the same attention to your other breast, his teeth grazing gently before sucking, leaving you trembling beneath him.

“I want to taste every inch of you,” he murmured, voice raspy with longing. “May I?”

You gave him the faintest nod, still hesitant as your fingers clutched the waistband of his boxers.

That was all he needed. He trailed wet kisses down your torso, stopping at your hips to nibble before he hooked his fingers into your panties and tugged them off, exposing you completely.

“God, you’re beautiful,” he murmured, eyes raking over you like you were the most precious thing in the world.

You tried to cover your face, but Heeseung gently pried your hand away.

“No hiding,” he whispered. “You’re perfect.”

His mouth found your inner thighs again, leaving a trail of fire as he kissed closer and closer to where you needed him.

"Are you ready for me, baby?"

You barely breathed out, "Just do it, Hee." And then his mouth was on you.

You barely had time to brace yourself before the first slow, deliberate stroke of his tongue parted your folds, dragging from your entrance up to your clit with maddening precision. Your entire body jolted, a breathy gasp spilling from your lips as he did it again—slower this time, like he was savoring you. His lips closed around the sensitive bundle of nerves, and he sucked, just softly, just enough to make your hips twitch and your thighs instinctively clamp around his head.

“Hee—” you gasped, the sound cracking in your throat.

He groaned against you, the vibration sending a fresh wave of heat up your spine. “Fuck, you taste so good,” he murmured, his voice thick, gravelly. “So wet for me already... I missed this so much, baby. Missed you.”

Before you could even process his words, his fingers joined the mix, slipping into your drenched heat with practiced ease, curling just enough to make you arch. His tongue kept up its relentless pace, licking and flicking at your clit with growing desperation, as if he couldn't get enough, like he’d been starved for you.

Your hand tangled in his hair, pulling, needing something to hold onto. “Feels so good…” you whimpered, hips lifting toward his mouth without even realizing. “Even I can’t make myself feel this good…”

He chuckled against you, the sound muffled and cocky and soaked in affection. “Damn right you can’t,” he said, lips brushing your slick skin. “No one else could ever touch you like this, baby. Only me. Only I get to have you like this.”

Your breath hitched. Your stomach tightened. Your eyes fluttered shut as his fingers curled just right inside you, hitting that perfect spot that made your whole body tense with need. “Right there..! Fuck… Heeseung, stop or else I’ll- He didn’t.

He didn’t even hesitate.

He doubled down. His fingers pumped faster, stronger, filling you with just the right amount of pressure while his tongue latched onto your clit, flicking mercilessly. You could feel the wet heat of his mouth, the way he groaned every time you clenched around his fingers like your pleasure was his oxygen.

His voice was a growl, low and ragged against your core. “Come for me,” he murmured, sounding like a man on the edge. “Come all over my tongue like a good girl, baby. I wanna feel it.”

You tried to hold on. You really did.

You bit your lip so hard you thought it might bleed, legs shaking uncontrollably as the pleasure built to a breaking point. Your hand tugged desperately at his hair, but he didn’t let up. If anything, he worked you harder, chasing your orgasm like it was the only thing keeping him alive.

And then you broke.

It hit you like a wave, sharp, hot, overwhelming. Your hips lifted from the couch, your back arched, and a loud, breathless cry of his name tore from your throat. You came undone against his mouth, your entire body trembling as your orgasm washed over you in blinding, white-hot pulses.

But even then… Heeseung didn’t stop.

He kept licking, gentle now, savoring every last drop of you like you were the most decadent thing he'd ever tasted. His hands stroked your thighs as you trembled around him, soothing you through the aftershocks, his lips pressing soft kisses along your inner thighs and hipbones.

“God,” he whispered, voice reverent as he rested his cheek against your leg, looking up at you with eyes dark with lust and adoration. “You’re even more beautiful like this… completely wrecked because of me.”

Your chest heaved, and you tried to catch your breath, but the look on his face, and the way his fingers still traced lazy circles along your inner thigh, told you he wasn’t done. Not even close.

He crawled back up your body, hovering over you with a smirk that was both wicked and loving. His lips brushed yours, and you could taste yourself on his tongue.

“You okay, baby?” he murmured, nuzzling your cheek, his hands never leaving your body.

Still breathless, your voice came out low and shaky as you stared at him with hooded eyes. “I need more of you, Hee…” you whispered. “I want all of you.”

Heeseung’s breath hitched the moment the words left your mouth, your quiet demand lighting a fire behind his dark eyes. He swallowed hard, gaze dropping briefly before he reached down, hooking his thumbs into the waistband of his boxers.

"You sure?" he asked, voice raspier now, thick with anticipation. "You say that, and I'm never gonna be able to hold back again."

Your response was a breathless nod, and that was all he needed.

He shoved the fabric down his legs and kicked it off without ceremony. Fully bare now, he climbed back over you, settling between your legs, where your warmth met the underside of his cock. You felt the way he trembled slightly, how his hips rocked forward slowly, coating himself in your arousal.

"You want this?" he asked, voice rough and hushed, like he was scared to wake from a dream. His eyes stayed locked on yours. "You want me to fill this pretty pussy with my cock?"

You swallowed thickly. Your brows furrowed, not from hesitation, but sheer arousal.

Heeseung’s cock was pretty, damn near angelic for how filthy the moment felt. Long and pale, with delicate veins tracing up to the flushed pink tip that throbbed against your entrance. You couldn’t help the shaky exhale that slipped out as your eyes flicked back to meet his.

“So bad,” you whispered, and he visibly twitched at your words.

“Fuck,” he muttered, half in disbelief.

Then he leaned down, capturing your lips in a kiss that left no space between you, heated, needy, full of everything never spoken. You felt the way he lined himself up with you, the tip pressing at your folds.

"You sure you can handle me, baby?" he murmured against your mouth, nipping gently at your lower lip. "Because once I start... I won't be able to stop."

Your only answer was another kiss, hands threading into his hair, pulling him closer.

With that, he pushed in.

One long, slow thrust. No warning, no easing in, just the smooth, agonizing stretch of him filling you in one go. Your breath caught. Your back arched. Your eyes rolled.

“Heeseung- fuck.”

He groaned deep in his throat, forehead resting against yours as he stilled inside you, giving your body time to adjust. You felt how hard he was trying not to move, how his arms trembled under the weight of his restraint.

“God, Y/n…” he whispered, voice trembling. “You feel so fucking good. So tight. So wet for me.”

He began peppering kisses along your jaw, down your neck, murmuring praises between each soft press of his lips.

“That’s it, baby,” he cooed, thumbs stroking the sides of your waist. “You’re taking me so well. You’re perfect for me, you know that?”

You whimpered under him, your body already trembling, your arms winding tighter around his back like you could anchor yourself to him. “Move, Hee. Please.”

Your voice was small. Wrecked. And maybe that was what undid him.

Heeseung let out a shaky breath, chest rising and falling against yours, his forehead pressing down against your shoulder. "Fuck," he whispered, almost to himself, like he was still trying to get a grip. His hips shifted slightly, cock twitching where it rested inside you, still unmoving, teasing. "You’re so warm, baby... So tight. I could stay like this forever."

You writhed beneath him, the tease of it too much, especially after the orgasm he'd already drawn out of you with nothing but his mouth and his stupidly perfect hands. You needed him to move. To take.

And he finally did.

Slowly, achingly slowly, he pulled back. You felt every inch of him drag against your walls, every ridge, every curve, slick and thick and perfect, before he pushed back in again. Smooth, deep, like he was trying to mold himself to the shape of you.

Your breath hitched. Your legs locked around his waist.

Heeseung moaned. Whimpered. A soft, cracked sound that tumbled out of his mouth like he couldn’t hold it in. He moved again. Another long, steady stroke that had your toes curling and your head tipping back. The rhythm was unhurried, hypnotic. He was savoring it. Savoring you.

“You feel that?” he gasped, voice trembling. “Fucking hell, Y/n... this pussy- God, you were made for me.”

His lips brushed your throat, then your collarbone, damp with sweat and hot breath. His body was tense over yours, muscles taut, every thrust deep and deliberate. He angled his hips just right, and-

You cried out, back arching. Heeseung groaned in response, his pace faltering just a little.

“Right there?” he murmured, dazed. “God, you’re clenching so hard, baby. You’re gonna make me lose it.”

You laughed breathily, trying to hold yourself together, but your body was already buzzing, oversensitive from before. “You make me feel so full,” you whispered, nails dragging down his back without a second thought. “So good. No one- no one ever makes me feel like this, Heeseung.”

And that broke him.

He stuttered in his rhythm, almost like he forgot how to breathe, and his face crumpled as if he physically couldn’t take hearing that. He dove down and kissed you, messy, desperate, all tongue and teeth and emotion. His hips stalled completely, cock twitching inside you while he got lost in the taste of your mouth.

“I’ll always make you feel good,” he breathed against your lips. “I need to. You're mine now, Y/n. Mine to love. Mine to protect. Mine to-” his voice cracked, “-fuck until you can’t remember anything else but me.”

You whimpered. You’d never felt so seen.

And then he started moving again, harder this time. Faster. No longer gentle. His thrusts turned sharp, snappy, claiming, each one punching a moan from your throat. His grip on your hips tightened, rough fingers digging into soft skin like he couldn’t bear to let you slip away.

The sound of skin against skin echoed around you. Wet, fast, heated. His name spilled from your mouth over and over again, “Heeseung, Heeseung, Heeseung,” like a prayer you didn’t know you were chanting.

“You hear that?” he panted, voice hoarse. “This is what happens when you tease me. When you look at me like I’m the only thing you want. When you say my name like it’s the only word you know.”

You gasped, mind spinning. You couldn’t think. Couldn't breathe.

“You’re driving me crazy,” you whispered. “I can't even- Hee, I can’t think.”

“Good,” he growled, and then, with a desperate, broken noise, “Fuck, baby, you’re driving me crazy too.”

You clawed at his back, arms hooked under his, pulling him closer until your bodies were flush. Your nails raked across his shoulder blades and he cried out, loud and choked and so needy, the sound raw in his throat.

“That’s it,” he whimpered. “Mark me up. Let everyone see. Let them know I’m yours.”

He surged forward, kissing you again, rougher this time, tongue plunging past your lips as his cock drove deeper and deeper, rhythm unraveling with each thrust. One hand slid to your throat, fingers wrapping gently around the column of your neck, just enough to remind you that you were his. Not hurting. Just holding. His.

“You’re squeezing me so tight,” he groaned, hips stuttering. “I’m- I can’t- fuck, Y/n-”

You couldn’t speak anymore. You could only gasp, body trembling, thighs shaking around his waist. “Hee, baby… I’m gonna- ohmygod… I’m cumming-”

That did it.

Heeseung let out the most devastated whimper, his whole body going taut above you as you clamped down around him, your orgasm crashing over you in waves that had your vision white and your ears ringing.

“Fuck, fuck, Y/n-” he sobbed, pulling out just enough before his hips bucked helplessly. His hand wrapped around his cock, and with one, two more strokes, he came, hard, spilling hot and thick across your stomach with a long, strangled moan.

His whole body shuddered.

He collapsed above you, catching himself on shaking elbows as his head dropped against your shoulder, his breath coming in ragged, shuddering pants. “Shit,” he mumbled, voice cracking.

“You... You ruin me.”

You giggled through the haze, looking down at the mess he made, cum sticky and warm on your skin. “You always make a mess,” you teased softly.

Heeseung laughed, breathless and still trembling, lips pressing against your neck.

“Only for you, baby,” he murmured. “Only ever for you.”

You looked down to face him, cupping his cheek, and for a moment all the heat faded into softness. He leaned into your touch, his eyes full of something deeper than lust.

“Was that okay?” he asked quietly, almost shy now. “Did I… satisfy you?”

You nodded, smiling up at him through the haze. “You were amazing. Like, ruin-me-forever amazing. But…” You looked down pointedly. “I do need a towel, though.”

His lips twitched, and he kissed your palm before slipping out of bed. “You don’t need to ask,” he murmured over his shoulder as he padded to the bathroom. “I’ll always take care of you.”

He returned a minute later with a warm, damp cloth, and you stayed quiet as he cleaned you up with gentle, careful hands, tender in a way that made your heart ache.

“There,” he said, tossing the cloth aside and lying down next to you. His arms wrapped around you tightly, his mouth pressing a kiss to your temple. “Let’s cuddle for a bit. And then I’ll cook us something. Sound good?”

“I’d like that,” you murmured. “Stay over for the night?”

Heeseung froze. His breath hitched like your words had plucked a string deep inside his chest. His eyes flicked down to yours slowly, searching your face as if to confirm what he heard was real. There was a softness in his gaze now, the kind that made your stomach do a slow, fluttering turn.

“Are you sure?” he asked, voice almost too gentle. His thumb traced along your cheek, lingering like he didn’t want to let the moment go. “I don’t want to push or… rush anything. Not if you’re not ready.”

You rolled your eyes at him, the playful smirk tugging at your lips undercutting the thudding of your heart. “Come on. It’s not like it’s the first time we’ve spent the night together.”

That made him laugh, quiet and breathy. “Yeah. I know. But… it feels different this time, doesn’t it?” His voice cracked just the tiniest bit as he spoke, like he wasn’t sure if it was okay to be this honest. “I’m yours now… aren’t I?”

And just like that, your walls softened again. You nestled against his chest, nuzzling into the slope of his neck as your fingers toyed with the hem of his hair. “Yeah,” you whispered into his skin. “You’re mine.”

He rested his chin on top of your head, holding you like he never wanted to let go. “Well, since you’re sure,” he whispered, “then yeah. I’d love nothing more than to stay and hold you all night long.”

You sighed, then giggled softly, your breath brushing against his skin. “I know I love you and shit, but we both seriously need a bath.”

Heeseung burst out laughing, his whole chest shaking as he pulled back to grin at you. “Okay, okay, I can agree with that. We probably smell like-”

“Don’t say it.”

“-like sex.”

You smacked his shoulder lightly. “Gross, Lee.”

He only grinned harder, eyes sparkling. “What? It’s true.”

His eyes lit up with that familiar spark, amusement evident in them. “How about we take that bath together?” he offered, voice dropping lower. “I’ll be good. Promise. Well, mostly.”

He winked as he stood and reached a hand out to you. You took it, fingers wrapping around his, and he gave you a little squeeze, grounding you as always.

He led you to the bathroom, still completely bare and unbothered about it. Heeseung reached over to turn the taps, adjusting the temperature just right, then poured in a capful of lavender bubble bath like it was second nature.

“Want me to throw on clothes for this,” he said over his shoulder, glancing back at you with that boyish smile, “or stay like this? For the vibes.”

You arched a brow. “Who the hell takes a bath fully clothed?”

“Oh, thank god,” he said with mock relief, walking over and looping his arms around your waist. “Because I was really hoping you’d say that. I like it better when you look at me like that.”

He kissed your neck, slow, almost reverent. You felt his smile curve against your skin as he added, “I’m all yours, remember?”

“You’re so dramatic,” you said, chuckling, even as your arms came up to wrap around him. “Come on, Romeo. Let’s get in before the water gets cold.”

Heeseung didn’t need to be told twice. He lifted you easily, stepping into the bath with you in his arms. He sat back against the tub’s edge and settled you into his lap, the warm water wrapping around both your bodies.

“How’s this?” he murmured, his hands settling at your waist. “Comfy?”

“Yeah… just don’t get hard on me. I’m still sore.”

Heeseung made a wounded sound. “You say that like I have control over it.” He leaned in, whispering against your ear. “You’re naked. You’re on my lap. I’m only human, Y/n.”

You smacked his shoulder playfully, but the mood stayed light. A little intimate bubble where everything outside this bathroom felt far away. He massaged your sides gently, letting his thumbs trace lazy circles against your damp skin.

“Oh shit.” You pulled back slightly, eyes going wide. “Is your back okay? I might’ve scratched it up pretty bad earlier…”

He turned so you could see, and yeah, there were definitely a few angry red lines trailing down his skin. But Heeseung? He just looked proud.

“You kidding?” he said with a grin. “I love that. Seeing your marks on me? It’s… I don’t know. It reminds me that it was real.”

You traced one of the marks softly, guilt and something warmer curling in your stomach. He reached behind to tug you close, guiding your arms around his torso, until your chest was flush to his back and your cheek pressed between his shoulder blades.

“Besides,” he murmured, “I gave as good as I got.”

You laughed, heart thudding as the soft scent of the bubbles mixed with the warmth of his skin. “I still can’t believe we basically gave each other all our firsts.”

Heeseung’s breath caught. You felt it. A subtle hitch in his chest before he answered.

“Yeah,” he whispered. “First best friend, first crush, first…” He trailed off, a blush blooming high on his cheeks.

He turned to face you again, cupping your waist, and then your face. “None of it would’ve meant half as much if it wasn’t with you. Everything with you, it just feels right.”

You leaned into his touch, your fingers curling over his wrist. “God, you’re so cheesy when you’re soft.”

“Shut up,” he mumbled, lips twitching into a shy smile. “You like it.” You did. God, you really did.

“I do,” you admitted.

He rested his forehead against yours, eyes fluttering shut as his hands held you gently beneath the water. For a moment, everything was still, the rising steam, the fading lavender, the warmth of him around you like home.

“We should probably get out,” he said eventually, reluctant. “Before we drain all the hot water.”

You groaned dramatically. “I wanna stay like this forever. Or whatever. Don’t make me move.”

Heeseung’s arms tightened around you. “Yeah,” he whispered. “Me too.” He reached for the soap, starting to gently wash you, each touch careful, as if he thought you might break if he pressed too hard. But when he got to your more sensitive areas, his hands lingered just a little too long.

“But if you’re up for it,” he murmured teasingly, lips brushing your ear, “maybe I can show you more ways to make you feel good.”

“Heeseung-!” you gasped, bolting upright and sloshing water everywhere as you climbed out.

“We just talked about this!”

He was laughing again, standing up after you and grabbing towels. “I said maybe!” You wrapped one around yourself, grumbling, while he held out the other like a gentleman.

“Come here, let me dry you off,” he said.

He was gentle. He always was with you. He started at your shoulders and worked his way down, never once crossing a line, even though the flush in his cheeks said he was thinking about it. Once he was satisfied, he pressed a kiss to your shoulder, still dripping slightly from the bath.

“There we go. Let’s get dressed and I’ll make you something to eat.”

“Make your iconic ramen,” you said with a smirk. “Oh, and I actually bought you a hoodie and pants I was gonna give you as a gift. Totally forgot. You can wear them tonight.”

Heeseung paused, lips twitching into something between a smile and a soft expression you couldn’t name. His voice was quiet when he replied.

“Really?” he said, looking at you like you’d just given him something sacred. “You bought me clothes?”

You nodded.

He walked over, took your face between his hands, and kissed your forehead like it was the most natural thing in the world.

“Okay then,” he whispered. “I’d love to wear what you picked for me.”

You don’t know how long he stood there that morning.

Heeseung hovered just outside the dentistry building like he had any business being there.

Hands shoved deep in the pockets of his hoodie, hood up like that’d somehow make him less noticeable. The path was still quiet, just a few students walking past, either half-awake or halflate.

He glanced at the time. 7:43 AM.

The first class usually started at 8 for you. He remembered that detail, not because he’d ever asked, but because of all the times your text replies stopped around then. It was stupid how much he noticed things like that now.

He waited until the hallway cleared before slipping in. The smell hit him first, formalin, minty hand soap, and a faint tinge of coffee grounds. Your department had a different scent than his. More sterile. Sharper. Like the pressure hung heavier in the air.

Heeseung moved fast, walking like he belonged even though the pounding of his heart made everything feel off. He passed by the row of lockers outside the pathology lab, scanning until he found yours. Fourth from the end, top row, tiny sticker of a cartoon molar on the handle. Still there.

He reached into his hoodie pocket and pulled out the candy, your favorite brand, the one he used to tease you for hoarding in high school. The packaging was slightly crushed from how long he’d been holding it, the edges a little wrinkled from second-guessing. It looked stupid now. Childish. But it was too late to back out.

The tape didn’t want to stick to the metal surface, he had to smooth it over twice, then tilt the packet a bit so it wouldn’t fall. It looked rushed. Sloppy. He cursed under his breath.

Then footsteps echoed down the hall.

Heeseung panicked, retreating around the corner near the stairwell, crouching low like a criminal instead of a lovesick idiot. He stayed there, hands on his knees, trying to breathe quietly. Then he heard it.

Footsteps. Familiar ones.

You.

He dared a glance.

You were walking toward your locker with that sluggish, already-exhausted gait you had on bad mornings. Hair pulled back in a loose claw clip. Backpack half-zipped. You looked like you hadn't slept properly, and you hadn’t even noticed the candy yet,your hand was already on the lock.

But then you paused.

You looked at it.

And he held his breath like the world was made of glass.

You didn’t smile. You didn’t gasp or turn around dramatically. You just stared at it, brow furrowing like you weren’t sure what you were looking at. He watched your hand hover in the air for a second before peeling the candy off carefully, like it might be a mistake.

You didn’t throw it away.

You pocketed it.

And just like that, Heeseung felt the tension that had clung to his chest for the last three days ease by an inch. He bit back a grin.

She knows. She remembers. She gets it. That was me.

You didn’t look around. Didn’t try to find him.

But hey, maybe you were just playing it cool.

Tuesday morning, Heeseung got there earlier this time.

Not stupidly early, but early enough that the corridors of the Life Sciences building were still half-lit and smelled like floor polish. He didn’t even go to this department. He was in media, technically, but he’d memorized the back way into your lab building the way someone might memorize the lyrics to a song that hurt too much to sing out loud.

He wasn’t dressed to be sneaky today. No hoodie. No hat. Just a grey T-shirt, jeans, and nerves.

The drink was cold when he pulled it from his tote, a banana milk with a bright yellow cap. Not the kind you get in vending machines. The kind you’d once argued tasted better “because it had childhood memories built in.”

He didn’t have a big plan. Just a sticky note. Pale pink, from the pack he usually used to mark film theories in his notebooks. The message was simple, scrawled in his regular handwriting, no effort to change it.

Hope today goes easy on you. Drink this.

He stuck the note gently to the bottle, smoothing it down once, then set it carefully on the desk you always claimed during morning lab. Second row from the front, right side, beside the wall. Far enough to avoid the air conditioner draft, close enough to the projector screen.

He didn’t linger. Just turned and walked back toward the exit, down the corridor toward his department’s building, where his own classes would start an hour later. But curiosity was a disease he’d never recovered from, especially when it came to you.

So he doubled back.

Stood half-tucked behind the door frame to one of the faculty lounges across the hall, pretending to scroll through his phone. The view was imperfect, your desk partially blocked by a standing whiteboard, but he could see the back of your head when you walked in. Hair pulled back again, different clip today. Slightly hunched shoulders. You were talking to someone, but your tone was quiet, clipped. Tired?

Then you reached your seat.

He watched you pause, then slow down.

You picked up the drink, looked at it like it was some kind of puzzle. Read the note. Held it in both hands like you were weighing its meaning more than its weight.

And then, there it was.

The smallest thing. A flicker of a smile. Your lips barely twitching. The kind of smile that you used to save for inside jokes and stupid text messages at 2 AM.

You didn’t laugh. Didn’t panic. Didn’t bolt. You didn’t search for whoever left it.

You just quietly tucked the drink beside your laptop and began pulling your lab coat on like nothing had happened.

And that was worse, in some way. More haunting.

Heeseung’s pulse jumped. For a second, he almost walked in. Almost said your name.

But something held him back.

Maybe you were playing it cool again. Maybe you weren’t ready.

Or maybe you weren’t mad anymore, just… done.

Still, he clung to the version of the story that hurt less.

She knows. She’s just waiting. Still pissed, yeah. But she knows it’s me.

The next day, Heeseung hadn’t planned on using the photo.

It was something he’d kept by accident, shoved in the back of a drawer with old receipts and a dried-out highlighter. He only found it when looking for spare batteries two nights ago. But the moment he saw it, slightly bent, colors faded at the corners, he felt everything all at once. The smell of wet pavement. The croissant you both joked had the texture of a brick. Your laugh echoing off the café's foggy glass window, turning an ordinary rainy day into something stupidly unforgettable.

And the worst part? You weren’t even doing anything in the photo. Just sitting there, looking out the window, half smiling at something he’d said. The camera must’ve caught it by accident when he was fiddling with his phone, probably trying to adjust a filter.

Still, he printed it out. Just one copy. From the convenience store kiosk near campus. The print was blurrier than he remembered, the colors washed out and uneven, but the memory was sharp. He couldn’t not leave it.

This time, he didn’t head for your lab or the locker areas. He didn’t think you’d see it in the morning rush. Instead, he found your lecture room in the Prostho department after asking one of your batchmates under the excuse of “trying to return something.” They didn’t question him. Just gave him the number of the classroom like it was no big deal.

He waited until the room emptied out after the previous class.

It looked like all the other lecture rooms, rows of seats with tiny, squeaky arm tables, fluorescent lights humming above. A faint smell of ethanol and marker ink lingered in the air. It was colder than it should’ve been. He hated how sterile it felt.

He walked straight to your usual seat and placed the photo gently across the chair’s table. No envelope. No post-it this time. No cutesy handwriting or cryptic messages.

Just the photo.

A silent Hey. Remember us?

Then he left. Quickly. Before your class could trickle in.

He didn’t wait in the hall this time. Didn’t try to sneak a peek through the glass panel in the door. He just went back to his department building, tried to focus on his own work, editing clips for a short film he no longer cared about, but his foot kept tapping restlessly under the desk.

Later that afternoon, someone from your year posted a blurry group selfie in your class’ shared drive, and he scanned the background, hoping to spot a hint of your expression. But nothing.

It wasn’t until much later, when he walked past your department’s side entrance on his way to the station, that he saw you through the window.

You were alone in a study nook. A folder open on the desk. You flipped through pages, then paused.

The photo. Tucked into the back sleeve like it was something you hadn’t decided what to do with yet.

You hadn’t thrown it away.

You kept it.

That should’ve made him feel better.

But your face didn’t look comforted. It looked… tired. Distant. And for the first time, the doubt started to creep in.

What if she doesn’t know it’s me?

What if this wasn’t her being guarded, or mad, or waiting?

What if she genuinely had no idea who was leaving these behind—and instead of making her feel seen, it was making her feel cornered?

Heeseung bit the inside of his cheek until it stung.

This one felt riskier.

The day after, Heeseung hesitated even before printing the photo, his thumb hovering over the kiosk button for what felt like minutes. The screen flickered under the harsh light of the convenience store, offering him three glossy options and a slightly overpriced polaroid-style print. He picked the polaroid. It just felt more... right. More them.

The photo itself was blurry, faded at the edges, slightly underexposed. Probably because it had been taken on his old phone, back in sophomore year. A rainy afternoon. The kind that soaked your socks and made your bones feel like they belonged to someone older.

He remembered that day like it was frozen in amber.

They’d skipped out on a department event, claiming a headache and a broken charger. Ended up tucked in the corner booth of a hole-in-the-wall café near campus. The croissants were burnt, the cocoa watery. The rain had come down so hard it made the windows fog. But Y/n had leaned into the seat, eyes sleepy, telling him something stupid about how that kind of day should be bottled up and sold like medicine.

He'd taken the photo without thinking.

Just her fingers wrapped around a chipped cup. The corner of the café sign half-visible through the steamed-up glass. A memory disguised as nothing.

And now he was placing it on her seat.

No note this time. No pink sticky reassurance. Just the picture. Quiet and daring. He hoped she’d recognize it. He hoped she'd see it and understand exactly what he was trying to say without him having to say it.

Hey. Remember us?

Heeseung didn't linger this time. He had a group shoot to help set up at the AV hall, and someone from his team was already calling about misplaced backdrops. Still, he made the short detour, third floor of the Dentistry building, just before prostho class began. The room was mostly empty, students trickling in late, hauling their models and groaning about occlusal reduction.

He didn’t expect her to catch him.

So when he later walked past the open lecture hall door, ten minutes into class, hair still damp from stress, he slowed.

Y/n was there.

He recognized the slump of her shoulders even before he saw her face. She was sitting at the back today. Alone. Unusual for her. She was normally the type to take the third row, close enough to catch the prof’s tone, far enough to avoid accidental eye contact.

But now she sat against the wall.

And the photo was in her hand.

Heeseung’s stomach twisted. She wasn’t smiling. She wasn’t fidgeting or biting her pen cap like she used to do when something made her feel shy or flustered.

She was just... staring.

Frozen.

Lips parted slightly. Brows pulled together like she was trying to make sense of what she was holding. Not like it was nostalgic.

Like it was a problem.

He ducked out of view before she, or anyone else, could spot him.

His chest felt tight. Like maybe he'd gone too far.

But she didn’t crumple it. Didn’t throw it away. Didn’t shove it under the desk with a scoff. Instead, she slid it into the side pocket of her folder, gently, like it still meant something. And that had to count for something. Right?

Maybe she’s overwhelmed.

But she gets it.

She knows it’s me.

He told himself that again.

He had to.

Thursday morning. This was supposed to be the lowkey confession.

Heeseung sat on the floor of the small media lounge in his department’s building, legs crossed, shoulders hunched, staring at the scrap of paper like it might catch fire. He’d rewritten the same sentence three times on three different pieces, all crumpled now in the corner of his bag.

He wanted this one to land right. Softly. Honestly. Like when you finally say something that’s been in your chest for years and hope, just hope, the other person has room to hear it. “Maybe you’ll notice me again one day.” No “please.” No name. Just that.

It wasn’t bitter. Not like the first two drafts, anyway. It was... shy. Hopeful. Not desperate. Just human. It read like a whisper, like a question someone’s too scared to ask out loud.

When he finally slipped the folded note into the inside cover of your private notebook. The one with the coffee stain on the spine and your name written inside the flap. He felt a weird stillness settle in his chest. Not calm. Not relief. Just stillness.

You always carried that notebook with you, even when you didn’t use it. He’d seen you pull it out between labs, flipping to a half-filled page of margin notes and doodles. It felt like a part of you, intimate but not off-limits.

He didn’t want to invade.

He just wanted to be close again.

Just... maybe close enough that this time, you’d turn around for him.

It’s now Friday.

No gift today.

Not because he gave up. He hadn’t.

But because he was scared.

Heeseung stood by the vending machine outside his department’s practice hall, half-watching the condensation drip down a bottle of green tea he didn’t even want. His mind wasn’t here, not really. He kept replaying yesterday. The notebook. Your expression. The way you dropped the note like it had teeth.

He hadn’t meant for it to feel invasive.

He just wanted you to feel seen. Like maybe if he whispered gently enough through these small things, you'd recognize him. But yesterday? You looked like someone who’d been cornered.

And that terrified him.

He didn’t leave anything today, not in your bag, not on your seat, not tucked into your folder like a secret. Not because he was out of things to say, but because... he didn’t know how to say them anymore.

He needed time to think. To recalibrate.

Maybe he’d try again tomorrow. Maybe he'd just say it straight next time: It's me. It's always been me.

But even that felt risky now.

Because during rehearsal, you barely looked at him.

Not in the shy, sweet way that used to make his chest go light. Not even in the cold, awkward way it had been after the fallout. This was something else entirely.

Your eyes flickered toward him once, maybe twice, but each time, they darted away like he was something sharp. Something you didn’t want to touch again. Something you used to know and now regretted knowing.

Heeseung tried not to show it. Tried to focus on the counts. The blocking. The choreography they’d run a dozen times before. But his rhythm kept slipping. He kept missing his marks. Not because of the steps, but because of you. Because you were there and not there at the same time.

And then Yeri passed you in the hallway.

He was behind her, a few steps away. Just grabbing water. Just walking back from a short break. He didn’t mean to overhear.

But the second she said it, he stopped walking.

"You look tired lately," she said, soft and casual. "Are you okay?"

He watched the way your shoulders tightened. The way your mouth opened fast, like your brain was scrambling for words.

“I’m fine.”

Too fast. Too hard.

Heeseung swallowed thickly. Something twisted in his chest. Like stepping into a room that smelled like home but looked like a stranger’s place.

That wasn’t how you used to sound. Not even when you were mad at him.

You weren’t just tired. You weren’t just annoyed.

You were scared.

And for the first time, Heeseung let the possibility emerge in his mind, one not even thought of until now:

“She thinks I’m someone else.”

And if she thinks that, if she doesn’t know it’s me, Then everything I’ve done might not feel like a comfort. It might have felt like a threat.

The note was supposed to fix everything.

It was his last card. His final shot at getting through to you without saying it out loud.

He’d spent Saturday afternoon in the corner booth of a café near his dorm, his untouched drink going cold while he stared at three different versions of the same quote. None of them felt right. Too stiff. Too on-the-nose. Too desperate. He wasn’t trying to beg. He just wanted you to remember.

In the end, he settled on the line you used to repeat under your breath while watching that old cartoon on his iPad in middle school, the one with the slow-burn enemies-to-lovers arc before you even knew what that meant. You used to giggle every time the main girl insulted the guy, because deep down, you knew she was in love with him.

It wasn’t just a quote.

It was yours.

“If I hated you, I wouldn’t know your favorite ice cream or where you hide when you’re overwhelmed.”

He copied it slowly. On smooth cream-colored stationery that looked like it came from the campus bookstore. Not too cheesy. Not too plain.

He folded it neatly. Wrote nothing else. No initials. No heart. No flourish. Just the words.

Because you’d know.

You had to know.

You needed to know.

He waited for a moment between rehearsals, after you'd left your bag on the bench and headed toward the vending machine. The hallway was empty except for the hum of the old aircon unit and a couple of tired dancers flopped on the floor by the studio doors.

Heeseung slid the note beneath your water bottle, glanced once over his shoulder, and walked away before anyone could see.

But as he walked across the quad minutes later, the air felt wrong. Heavy. Still.

Like something had been said, but no one had heard it right.

And maybe that’s what broke him a little, because for the first time since he started leaving those notes, he didn’t feel excited. He didn’t feel hope. He just felt tired.

Not because he thought you'd hate it. But because he still wasn’t sure if you'd even read it. If you'd recognize it. If you’d know it was him.

And if you didn’t… what then?

He doesn’t know when the doubt started exactly. Just that by Sunday night, he was staring at his ceiling with an ache in his chest that didn’t have a name. Not heartbreak. Not guilt. Just that hollow, miserable what if.

What if you were slipping away?

And what if he never even got the chance to ask why?

You wake to the soft sound of sheets rustling and the smell of something warm, linen and lavender and him. The light is creeping in through the curtains, soft and filtered, and for a second, you think you're still dreaming. Until you feel a hand lazily tracing circles on the bare skin of your back.

"Morning," Heeseung murmurs, voice husky and thick with sleep. He nuzzles the back of your neck, and you can feel the slow grin spreading across his lips when you stir.

"You're clingy in the morning," you mumble, not even bothering to hide your smile as you stretch, your body sore in places you’re both too shy and too smug to talk about just yet.

"You didn’t seem to mind last night," he says into your skin, his arms tightening around your waist.

You let out a small laugh, swatting at his arm without much strength. “I still don’t.”

You stay like that for a while, just wrapped around each other in the quiet. There’s no pressure to move, no rush to face the world outside this room. Just the steady rise and fall of your breathing, the warmth of his body against yours, and that stupid fond look on his face every time you steal a glance at him.

Eventually, you drag yourself out of bed, half-heartedly muttering about needing to brush your teeth. Heeseung only watches you go with a dazed smile, one hand folded beneath his cheek like he’s still half-asleep. But by the time you’ve finished at the sink and returned to the bedroom to grab fresh clothes, he’s gone, his side of the bed messy but empty.

You hear the clatter of pots in the kitchen.

Curious, and a little suspicious, you wander out barefoot. And there he is, shirtless in the hoodie you gave him last night, sleeves rolled up as he expertly stirs something in a pan like he’s auditioning for a cooking show. His hair is a mess. There’s a light sheen of sweat on his temples. But he’s humming under his breath and smiling to himself like this is the most natural thing in the world: making a ridiculous breakfast for two on a random Thursday morning after… whatever that night was.

You lean against the doorframe and cross your arms. “You’re being suspiciously domestic right now.”

He turns around, brandishing a spatula. “You’re welcome.”

You raise an eyebrow, eyeing the fluffy-looking pancakes, the scrambled eggs, the plate of fruit. “Okay, but why are you cooking like we’re on a honeymoon?”

Heeseung shrugs, but there’s a blush rising on his cheeks. “Dunno. Thought you deserved a good breakfast. You know… maybe this morning could be special.”

You walk over and pluck a grape from the bowl. “It is special,” you say softly, not quite looking at him.

Heeseung’s gaze lingers on you for a moment too long before he clears his throat and turns back to flip a pancake. “Good. That’s… good.”

You sit at the table, and he joins you a few minutes later with two plates, a glass of orange juice, and a sort of hesitant energy buzzing around him. Like he’s not sure where the line is now. Like he’s trying not to assume anything.

And you feel it too, this new kind of tension. But not the bad kind. It’s slow and syrupy. Tender. You’ve slept next to him before, but never like this. You’ve eaten breakfast with him before, but never with this much softness in the air.

Your phone buzzes against the table, breaking the comfortable silence between you and Heeseung.

You don’t move right away. The light from the window is soft. His plate is nearly empty. Yours has a single pancake left, already cold, but you don’t mind. Something about the silence between you two feels full instead of empty.

Another buzz. Then another.

Heeseung lifts his fork lazily, glancing up with a knowing look. “Group chat?”

You groan as you reach for your phone. “Yup. They’re already panicking.”

You scroll through the notifications, eyes scanning line after line of frantic typing in [FestiCoord - Death Penalty].

VICKY:

where tf is everyone?? i’m not carrying this arch alone

SUNOO: where’s y/n??? weren’t u on supplies and leftover booth duty??

JAEMIN:

bro i thought she was leading the backroom sort lol

YERI:

where’s HEESEUNG. he’s supposed to be helping with the prop van

SUNOO:

oh yeah lol. is he even alive?? didn’t see him leave the plaza last night

VICKY:

wait weren’t y/n and heeseung like… friends? can someone tag her to wake her up and drag his ass here

HAYI:

pretty sure they don’t talk anymore??

JAEMIN:

damn that’s awkward lmao

SUNOO:

still. if anyone knows where that guy is, it’s probably y/n

VICKY:

ugh just tag both of them i’m dying here

You read that last message and feel your breath catch in your throat for a second, not because they’re on to you. More because they aren’t.

“They’re looking for us,” you say, voice low, scrolling with your thumb. “Well… mostly you.”

Heeseung leans closer, peeking at the screen. “Oh, so I’m the favorite now?”

You raise an eyebrow at him. “Yeri literally name-dropped you. No one even remembered we were friends.”

He pauses, blinking. “Ouch.”

You shrug. “We kinda gave them nothing to work with.”

He leans back again, thoughtful. “Still weird, though. Like… they just forgot?”

You glance at him, something bittersweet tugging at your chest. “We were both ghosts for a while. Everyone just filled in the blanks.”

He nods, slow. “Guess that worked out for us.”

You shoot him a look. “Worked out how, exactly?”

He grins. “Now we’re a surprise.”

You roll your eyes, but your lips tug up anyway. You start typing, keeping your tone casual.

YOU: yo chill i’m awake!! on the way soon. don’t collapse without me pls

Almost immediately:

VICKY: FINALLY y/n do u know where heeseung is too??

SUNOO:

can u text him?? we need him like… yesterday

JAEMIN: he’s on prop van duty. he’ll understand once he sees the disaster

YERI:

just tell him to be here in 15. i don’t care how we’re behind schedule

You hold out your phone toward Heeseung like you're offering him a cursed object.

“Congratulations. You’re officially being summoned.”

Heeseung blinks, leans in, and squints at the screen. “Wow. She really typed all that?” He clicks his tongue, reading the string of texts again. “Yeri’s… not subtle, huh.”

“She doesn’t even care that I’m late,” you mutter, slipping your shoes on. “Just you.”

“Must be the Heeseung effect,” he says, tossing you a smug grin. “Not everyone can handle it.”

You scoff. “Please. The only effect you have is delayed group rehearsals and unreturned messages.”

“Ouch,” he says with a hand on his chest. “You wound me.”

You glance at him, raising a brow. “You'll live. Probably.”

Heeseung grabs his jacket off the back of a chair and slings it over his shoulder with mock drama. “Well, since I’m public enemy number one now, guess I better go report in before she sends out a search party.”

You laugh under your breath. “You’re oddly calm about facing your death.”

He grins. “Because I’m dragging you down with me. Misery loves company.”

You roll your eyes, but you’re smiling now as you reach for your own coat. “Cool. If she throws a punch, I’m stepping aside.”

“Noted,” he says, giving you a mock-salute. “I’ll be sure to shield you with my reputation.”

“Your reputation is what got us into this mess.”

“Exactly,” he says proudly. “Might as well let it work for something.” There’s a moment as the back-and-forth fades away.

He straightens up, standing close enough that the warmth between you feels intentional.

“So…”

You glance up. “So?”

Heeseung looks at you, not teasing now. Not backing away. “Wanna go together?”

You pause, caught off guard, not by the words, but by the softness in them. “Like…” You fidget with your zipper. “Together together?”

His gaze doesn’t waver. “Like you and me,” he says, a little quieter. “No pretending it’s just coincidence anymore.”

He lifts a hand and brushes his thumb gently across the back of yours, his touch light like he’s asking permission.

You don’t answer right away. You let the moment breathe. Then, slowly, your fingers wrap around his.

You give his hand a tiny squeeze. “Okay,” you say, smiling, but not too big. Just enough for him to see it’s genuine. “Let’s figure it out.”

Heeseung lets out a breath like he’s been holding it in for days. The smile that spreads across his face is a little crooked, a little shy, and completely Heeseung.

“Well,” he says, bumping his shoulder into yours as you head for the door. “If we get scolded, I’m blaming you.”

“Typical,” you say, pretending to be annoyed. “Drag me into your chaos, then point fingers.” He just laughs, the kind that makes your stomach flutter.

“We’re in this together now, aren’t we?”

You glance sideways at him. “Yeah,” you say, heart kicking just a little harder. “We are.”

He smiles at that. A little crooked. A little shy. The kind of smile he only gives when it’s just you two and the world feels like background noise.

Then he tilts his head, lips twitching. “You’re gonna be annoying about it, aren’t you?”

You blink, laughing. “About what?”

“This whole ‘figuring it out’ thing.” He leans in, mock whispering, “You’re totally gonna make spreadsheets.”

You gasp, shoving his shoulder lightly. “I do not make spreadsheets for everything!”

He raises his brows. “Okay. Sure. Says the girl who color-coded our ramen stash.”

“That was strategic,” you defend, proud. “And you benefitted from it, mister I-eat-three-of-thespicy-ones-in-one-sitting.”

Heeseung just grins, tugging your hand gently toward the door. “Whatever helps you sleep at night, Project Manager-nim.”

“You’re the worst,” you grumble.

“And yet,” he says, fingers interlacing with yours, “here we are.”

Both of you drop by at Heeseung’s for a bit to let him change into more proper clothes. As he finishes, you finally grab your things and head for the door, he reaches for your hand again, threading his fingers with yours like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

He doesn’t let go when you walk outside. Neither do you.

You haven’t told anyone yet.

It’s not like you don’t have to.

Because this, whatever it is between you and Heeseung, it’s yours. And after everything, you’re finally letting yourselves have it.

Even if no one else sees it yet.

Especially because no one else sees it yet.

Well, that’s kind of your favorite part.

The sun’s already high by the time you and Heeseung arrive at the venue, the air was warm and loud with leftover mess. Folding chairs clatter somewhere behind the stage. Someone yells about duct tape from the storage tent. From the road, the campus plaza looks half-dismantled, half tired, half weirdly festive.

You're walking side by side, fingers interlocked from habit, but as the crowd comes into view, your hands loosen, instinctively mutual. No one says anything. You just… let go.  

Your palm feels colder almost immediately.

Heeseung adjusts the strap of the tote bag on his shoulder and glances at you. You meet his gaze for a second, then quickly look away, heart doing something traitorous.

Neither of you says a word about it.

Instead, you push your sleeves up and stretch your arms with a dramatic sigh. “Guess it’s time to suffer.”

Heeseung snorts. “Wow. What a glowing endorsement of volunteer work.”

You grin. “I was promised iced coffee and minimal lifting.”

“You weren’t promised anything,” he says, nudging your elbow as you both step over a tangle of cords near the sound booth. “You got guilt-tripped.”

“You watched me get guilt-tripped!”

“And I didn’t stop it.”

You shoot him a faux glare. “Saboteur.”

He doesn’t apologize. Just smiles again and pulls your water bottle from his bag, your bottle, not his, and hands it to you. No words, just a simple gesture. You take it, trying not to smile like an idiot.

When you arrived further, the storage room was cramped, the kind of space that felt like it hadn’t been properly reorganized in years. Cardboard boxes labeled in fading Sharpie, dusty extension cords hanging like noodles from plastic hooks, and half-collapsed folding chairs all piled in chaotic corners. The Interdisciplinary Festival’s official cleanup was in full swing, and naturally, everyone was tired, mildly cranky, and running on convenience store bread and barley tea.

You were crouched next to a shelf, organizing leftover promotional flyers into plastic folders, when Vicky called from the back.

"Can someone help me with this speaker? It’s heavier than it looks!"

Heeseung, who’d been quietly stacking folding tables near the entrance, was the first to respond. “Coming.”

You didn’t even have to glance to know he’d shoot you a look before stepping away, like: Don’t move. I got this. It had become second nature again, this language between you. You hadn’t had it in a while, but now it was back in full force, like muscle memory.

A while after, you're crouched on the floor, sorting name tags by department, even though no one will probably reuse these again. Your hoodie sleeves are rolled to your elbows, and you keep flicking bits of lint off your pants. Across from you, Heeseung’s refolding a banner that refuses to behave, his expression focused and mildly annoyed, which is honestly just his default face when he’s pretending not to be paying attention to you.

Every so often, your knees bump. Neither of you says anything about it.

Everyone else is scattered around the room, split into pairs and trios, folding, taping, listing inventory. It's productive chaos, like always.  

“Lunch break in ten!” someone yells, which is met by a mix of groans and grateful sighs.

Fast forward ten minutes and the group is now collapsed in a messy circle on the scuffed linoleum floor of the student lounge next door, sharing trays of gimbap, tteokbokki, fried chicken, and convenience store sandwiches. No one bothered setting up tables. Everyone’s sitting cross-legged or sprawled halfway onto their backpacks.

You’re squeezed between Sunoo and Vicky, your paper cup of soda already sweating onto your thigh. Heeseung’s across from you, biting into a half-wrapped sandwich, glancing up every now and then, but not too often.

Conversation flows like it always does, with light teasing, half-bantering arguments, just typical chaos.

“Yo, I seriously thought Heeseung ghosted all of us,” Jaemin says, dramatically tossing his chopsticks into his empty tteokbokki container.

“Same,” Hayi agrees. “Dude pulled a classic ‘fade out post-festival’.”

Sunoo smirks. “Was kinda mysterious though. Not a single text in the GC? Not even a meme?”

Yeri, who’s been lounging with her chin resting in her hand, smiles. It’s casual, but just a little too casual. “Well, not everyone. He’s always had a soft spot for… unexpected people.” Her eyes flit over to you for half a second.

You don’t react fast enough. It hits late.

Someone, probably Vicky, blinks. “Wait… what does that mean?”

Yeri shrugs, still with that faint smile. “Just saying. Some people pull away from the crowd but still stay close to certain… familiar faces.”

There’s a pause. Small. Barely noticeable. But your throat tightens just a bit.

Jaemin, in a half-whisper he thinks is quiet but absolutely isn't, leans toward Sunoo: “Wait, is she talking about Y/N?”

Sunoo whispers back, just as loud, and zero subtlety:

“Duh. Who else is ‘familiar faces’? They’ve been stuck together since birth.”

Everyone hears it. And suddenly, the laughter dips a notch. Still present, but thinner now. The air tenses. You shift, too, just slightly, just enough to look down at your tray and pretend your rice ball is the most interesting thing in the world.

You feel the weight of eyes. Not just Yeri’s. Everyone’s.

Then, without any change in tone or posture, Heeseung sets down his sandwich, wipes his hands on a napkin, and speaks.

“Actually,” he says, not loudly, but it cuts through the chitter. “I’ve always had a soft spot for her.”

You blink. Hard.

Someone half-chokes on their drink.

Heeseung continues. “We’ve been stuck together since diapers. I’ve basically memorized her snack preferences and sleep schedule. Kinda hard not to have a soft spot when she used to steal my crayons and cry when I didn’t want to marry her at age six.” A ripple of laughter breaks the tension, but Heeseung’s not done.

“I just… forgot how to show it, I guess,” he says, almost sheepishly now, but still holding the room. “Which was dumb, obviously.”

Yeri’s smile thins, falters for a blink, but she tucks her hair behind her ear and stays silent.

You slowly lift your eyes to look at him, Heeseung, your best friend, who hasn’t said this out loud before. And not like this.

And then he adds, voice dropping just a notch, still deadpan but warm in that dry way only he can pull off:

“And honestly… I don’t think I wanna hide that anymore. I’m too tired. Hiding’s annoying. It takes too much effort.”

Someone, probably Hayi, gasps. The subtle kind. The "wait is this real?" kind.

Even Yeri’s expression twitches for a moment. She covers it with another sip of her drink.

You, meanwhile, are frozen with your mouth half open, trying to decide between dying of embarrassment or teleporting into another timeline.

But before your brain can short-circuit entirely, Vicky pipes up.

“Well… it’s about damn time.” That breaks it.

The room lets out a collective breath. Some people laugh, some shake their heads, others just smirk knowingly.

Jaemin nudges Heeseung from the side. “So you weren’t just lurking at booths alone for no reason, huh?”

Hayi leans toward you, her tone mock-suspicious. “Y/n… you’ve been awfully quiet. You knew this was coming?”

You scoff, trying to act unbothered. “I’ve been quiet because I was trying not to choke on my rice ball.”

“Sure,” she says, but she’s smiling. “You look… weirdly happy.”

“Must be the rice ball,” you mutter, but your cheeks burn anyway.

Sunoo grins. “Honestly, I was getting so tired of pretending I didn’t see the longing stares.” “You guys are dramatic,” you say, rolling your eyes.

“You're dramatic,” Jaemin fires back. “The tension during cleanup day? I thought I was watching a K-drama.”

Vicky, ever the level-headed one, raises a hand mock-formally. “Okay, okay. Real talk though, whatever happened between you two before... not our business.”

“But we will be discussing the missed signals in private later,” Hayi adds, pointing at you with her chopsticks.

“What matters,” Vicky continues, “is you guys found your way back. Eventually.”

Heeseung smirks. “Found our way back? We were literally five minutes apart at all times.”

“Still managed to be emotionally three cities apart,” Sunoo says under his breath, earning a laugh.

You want to say something. You think maybe you should. But you don’t know where to start. Thankfully, you don’t have to.

Heeseung shifts beside you and, without a word hooks his pinky finger around yours.

It’s not loud. Not some big announcement. Just something that feels like home.

You don’t let go.

Yeri stands.

She doesn’t say anything. No dramatic sigh. No parting shot. Just gathers her drink, brushes invisible lint off her skirt, and walks out of the lounge with her head high.

No one calls after her. No one comments.

She just… leaves. Quietly. No victory. No audience.

Later that afternoon, when everyone’s out by the fountain hauling trash bags and wiping down booth panels, someone, maybe Hyejin, snaps a candid photo from behind.

You and Heeseung are side by side, backs to the camera, arms brushing. His hand is laced with yours, and both of you are looking at something off-frame, smiling faintly. Like there’s something only the two of you are in on.

It gets posted to the group chat with a caption: “Okay, NOW it makes sense.”

No replies. Just a string of heart emojis.

And a single sticker of a smug cartoon cat holding a rose.

You don’t say anything when you see it.

But Heeseung leans in close beside you, voice low, playful. “Think they’ll start taking bets on when we made it official?”

You don’t look at him. “They’re too late.”

“True,” he says, nudging your arm. “We’ve been official since age six, remember?”

You roll your eyes. “Still mad about the crayon thing?”

“I’m still traumatized.”

You laugh. And pretend you didn’t squeeze his hand a little tighter.

It’s late afternoon by the time cleanup wraps. The sun’s dipping low behind the dorms, creating long shadows across the pavement. The group’s scattered now, some folding tables, some sweeping the area, others just loitering around, exhausted and full and running on pure postevent vibes.

You and Heeseung end up near the curb where someone dumped all the empty drink cups in a sagging trash bag. You’re holding a broom, he’s got a bottle of leftover iced tea he didn’t even finish.

You lean on the broom, watching him swat lazily at a mosquito. “I can’t believe you actually said all that earlier.”

Heeseung raises an eyebrow, lips quirking. “What, that I have a soft spot for you?”

You nudge his leg with the broom bristles. “That, and the whole ‘not hiding it anymore’ thing. You said it like we were in a K-drama or something.”

He grins, tilting his head. “Well, maybe I was going for the climactic confession scene.”

You snort. “You skipped the dramatic rain and background music.”

“I can hum something, if that helps,” he offers, deadpan, then starts humming the “Reply 1988” OST surprisingly off-key.

You laugh, swatting at him. He ducks and holds up his hands in mock surrender, but then the laughter fades a little, replaced by a different kind of quiet.

He takes a step closer, just enough for his shoulder to brush yours.

“You remember that stupid pact we made in middle school?” he asks casually, like he’s not been holding onto it for years.

You blink. “The one where we promised to marry each other at thirty if we were still single?”

He nods, smiling a little. “For the tax benefits, obviously.”

You scoff. “Yeah, clearly nothing to do with lifelong emotional support and shared trauma from high school group projects.”

He laughs, then quiets. You feel it before you see it, his eyes on you, really on you.

“…Wouldn’t be the worst thing,” he says softly.

Your heart stutters. You look up at him, and he’s not joking anymore.

And then, almost shyly but with that same confident lilt in his voice he always uses when teasing you,

“So, does this mean we don’t have to wait until thirty to marry each other?”

You raise an eyebrow, lips twitching. “That was a legally binding contract, Lee Heeseung. I didn’t sign up for early commitment.”

He chuckles, then leans a little closer, voice low and playful: “Okay, counter-offer: we date now, and if it sucks, we just… circle back at thirty like we planned.”

You pretend to consider it. “Tempting.”

He bumps your shoulder. “Admit it. You just don’t wanna give up the tax benefits.”

You smile, shaking your head. “Fine. But only if you promise to keep teasing me for the rest of our lives.”

He grins. “Deal. But only if you keep pretending you don’t like it.”

You roll your eyes, cheeks warm. “I hate you.”

“No, you don’t.”

You don’t argue.

He slips his fingers between yours again, not just the pinky this time, full-on hand-holding, and it just feels so right. No dramatics. No big, sweeping music. Just the noise of the campus winding down and the feel of him beside you, like he always has been.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

[midnight-shadow-cafe]

hi, hope you're doing great !! feel free to ignore this if it makes you uncomfortable !! i would love to see a simon x neurodivergent!reader, maybe she's blunt because she doesn't really get social cues, quiet when happy (it's when she starts talking that something is wrong LOL). anyway i'm projecting ahah love your writing, have a great day love !!!

Tell Me Without Saying It

Pairing: Simon “Ghost” Riley x Neurodivergent!Reader

Warnings: Sensory overload, emotional dysregulation (non-violent), swearing, misunderstandings, implied neurodivergence, protective Simon, soft comfort themes

Author's Note: Thank you so much for trusting me with this idea. As someone who relates deeply to a reader like this, this was written with so much love and understanding. You are not too much. You are not hard to love. We all have different experiences in this way of life but what matters is that you’re enough and you deserve love.

Summary: You're not always easy to read, but Simon’s learned how to speak your language. Silence means comfort—unless it doesn’t. When you spiral after a sensory overload, he knows just what to do.

Masterlist

MDNI18+MDNI18+MDNI18+MDNI18+MDNI18+

The first thing Simon noticed when he got home was that the house was too quiet.

Which didn’t mean much to anyone else. Most people wanted noise to signal life: laughter, a TV humming, the click of a phone being scrolled through. But Simon? He knew the real signs. The real warnings.

Like the silence you made when something was wrong.

Because when you were happy, you didn’t talk much. You just… were. Curled up in your spot on the couch with your hoodie sleeves pulled over your hands, sipping your drink slowly, not saying much—maybe just humming, blinking slow and content like a cat in sunlight. That was your language. Peace was stillness. Quiet was safety.

But this kind of silence?

This was tension.

He kicked off his boots, set them neatly by the door. No keys jingling. No TV on. No scent of candles or your soft humming or even the tap of your fingers on your phone screen. Just… nothing.

“Love?” he called out softly, dropping his duffel by the stairs.

No answer.

His shoulders stiffened.

Then came the sound—subtle, but there. A quiet thud from the bedroom. Followed by the unmistakable scrape of something hitting the floor and a shaky breath. Not yours. Not really. Yours were always so measured. This one was clipped. Erratic.

He moved without thinking.

——

The door to your shared bedroom was cracked open. And there you were.

On the floor. Not collapsed—you never lost control—but very deliberately sitting in the corner, your knees tucked up to your chest, eyes glassy and jaw clenched hard like you were forcing it shut.

The room was a little messy. Drawers pulled open. A hoodie half-flung across the bed like you’d tried it on and hated how it felt. Socks mismatched on your feet. Your water bottle tipped on its side, leaking onto a notebook.

Simon took in every detail in half a second and dropped to a crouch beside you.

You didn’t look at him. Didn’t speak.

But your fingers twitched once when he got close. He saw that. So he didn’t touch you. Just sat down against the wall beside you, giving you exactly 7 inches of space.

Enough to breathe.

Not enough to be alone.

Your voice, when it came, was hoarse and clipped. “I don’t know why it’s happening. I was fine. And then I wasn’t. Nothing happened. But everything feels like it’s moving too fast, and I hate all my clothes and I can’t fucking—”

You broke off. Bit down hard on the inside of your cheek. Looked away.

Simon nodded slowly. “Alright,” he murmured. “I believe you.”

You swallowed thickly.

“I don’t want to talk.”

“Then don’t.”

You flinched, maybe expecting a follow-up. A suggestion. A fix.

But Simon didn’t offer one.

He just sat beside you, quiet. Breathing slow. Letting you match his rhythm if you needed to.

Three minutes passed like that.

Then you whispered, “My shirt felt wrong and then my pants felt worse and I hate that I care but it makes my skin crawl and I tried to change but I didn’t want to change because I liked what I picked this morning but now it feels like someone else picked it for me and I don’t know why I care but I do.”

Simon turned his head just a little, just enough to look at you without crowding.

“I know that feeling.”

You glanced at him, skeptical. “You do not.”

“I do,” he said softly. “Got that way after missions. Couldn’t wear anything tight. Couldn’t be inside sometimes. Felt like my skin was screaming. Couldn’t explain it. Just wanted it all off me. Like I’d been put in someone else’s body.”

You blinked. Your expression cracked.

“…Exactly.”

Simon reached down slowly, brushed his knuckles against the floor. Still didn’t touch you.

“Okay if I get you something soft to wear?”

You nodded, hesitant.

He stood up, moved through the room carefully, like someone walking in a church. Quiet. Respectful.

He found your favorite hoodie—the oversized one with the sleeves that hung past your hands and the tag you’d already cut off—and your soft cotton joggers. No elastic waist. No tightness. Just you.

He brought them back and set them down beside you gently.

You looked at them. Then at him.

“Can you turn around?” you asked.

He turned without hesitation.

Behind him, he heard the rustle of fabric. The shuffle of movement. A tiny, whispered sigh of relief.

And then, after a few seconds: “You can look now.”

You weren’t crying. You didn’t cry often. But your eyes were puffy and your breathing was still uneven.

Simon dropped back down beside you.

“I don’t want to explain myself every time this happens,” you muttered suddenly. “I’m tired. I just want it to be. And not feel guilty about it.”

“You don’t owe anyone an explanation,” he said, voice like rough velvet. “Not even me.”

You looked at him sharply, like you were waiting for a catch. But there wasn’t one. Just Simon, steady and quiet, his big frame curled beside you like a dog waiting patiently for the storm to pass.

“I don’t know how to be soft,” you admitted. “I don’t know how to sugarcoat. I say things and people think I’m rude or cold or robotic but I’m just—me. This is what love looks like for me. It’s quiet and blunt and weird. And I’m scared you’ll get tired of that.”

Simon turned fully to face you then, gaze sharp, intense in that way that could shake a lesser person to their bones. But you didn’t flinch. You just held your ground, even in your moment of overwhelm.

“I fell in love with you because of that,” he said firmly. “Not in spite of it.”

Your throat bobbed.

Simon leaned in just a little, eyes locked on yours.

“You don’t sugarcoat,” he said, almost fond now. “You say exactly what you mean. You’re never fake. You’re quiet when you’re happy and loud when you’re hurting. That’s how I know what matters.”

You were quiet again, but this time… soft. The air around you shifted.

Simon reached out slowly, giving you time to pull away.

You didn’t.

He cupped the side of your face, thumb stroking along your jaw.

“Don’t need you to be soft, love,” he murmured. “Need you to be real. That’s who I’m staying for.”

A long pause.

Then, finally—finally—you leaned into him. Tentative at first, then full. Tucked your head under his chin. Let your hands bunch into his hoodie.

He held you. No rocking. No shushing. Just his arms, firm and solid and safe.

After a while, you spoke again. “Thank you.”

Simon rested his cheek on top of your head.

“Anytime,” he said. “Every time.”

——

Hope you enjoyed! Please consider liking and reposting! -Midnight💜

[goblinofthelaboratory]

Three ships: Skarlow (toh), uhhhhh i don't ship much really, ig my ocs in the story im writing? (platonic)

First ship: Jay x Lottie from Descendants (specifically the second one) (honestly either romantic or platonic i just wanted them to be closer)

Last song: Bad Habits - The Federal Empire

Last movie: Moana 2, happened to be in the room as my little sisters watched

Currently reading: TOH fanfic lol

Currently watching: Mythbusters

Currently consuming: oatmeal, breakfast is the most important meal of the day y'all

Currently craving: Finals to be over

tag 9 people you’d like to get to know better

thank you @defonotacat for tagging me! <3

3 ships: eruri (the most tragic and sexy ship ever), beabato (perfect male wife and girlboss energy) and satorika/labmdabern (killsbians my beloved)

first ever ship: like first ever ever? clara and prince eric, i loved it when i was 3 years old and i still love it now

last song: sleeping beauty op.66 th13 act 1:6 valse

last movie: christmas carol i think

currently reading: before the coffee gets cold by toshikazu kawaguchi

currently watching: nothing, all my shows ended so it's yt time and watching long analysis about stuff i don't really care about

currently consuming: leftover christmas candy

currently craving: to be hugged maybe hah

tagging: @darling-valentine, @satorikas, @minty-muse, @roseofcards90, @svetlushka, @alaiyoooon, @arocinema, @shiomatsuzaka, @not-quitenormal, i hope you don't mind? uwu

[kingkat12]

pinking up (roman godfrey x reader)

WARNINGS: spanking, discipline, humiliation, clit stim, Dr. Pryce jumpscare lol

summary: finally, you're Mr. Godfrey's official submissive-- but what does that entail, exactly?

word count: 10,056

← previous chapter |

a/n: I've been wanting to write a scene like this for SO. DAMN. LONG. this story is turning into me writing all my experimental kinks so y'all are in for a ride lol, enjoy!!<333

And suddenly, the warmth in the air made living easier.

Spring comes to a climax around May every year; I always know exactly when it comes, because the first breath I take while exiting my apartment fills my lungs with joy, and not with the urge to jump into incoming traffic, as usual. 

So, when Mr. Godfrey asked me to meet him up on the rooftop terrace this morning, I gladly accepted; all for fresh air, am I right? He usually only asked me to fetch him his coffee, mark up his schedules, and occasionally run down to the bougie bakery down the street to grab macarons, so this was a happy change of routine. However, now that I was his submissive (as he called it), something told me that this wasn't a casual rooftop meeting-- my blood buzzed in my veins out of sheer excitement, and I could feel the tips of my fingers vibrate as I I walked out on the terrace, my Louboutins knocking gently against the wooden planks as I suppressed a smile. 

The sun was veiled behind a thin layer of clouds, but the air was warm, my dearest Spring, heavy with the scent of city heat rising off brick. It mixed with the trail of smoke from Mr. Godfrey's cigarette-- even they damn smelled expensive when touched by him. Fucking Midas. 

Mr. Godfrey stood near the edge of the balcony, one hand resting on the railing, the other bringing the cigarette to his lips. Wind played with the hem of his shirt, white and crisp, with the sleeves rolled up just enough to show the veins in his forearms; I knew I shouldn't be staring at him like this, but I couldn't stop myself. The first two buttons were undone-- slut. Slutty, slutty man. Whore.

Smoke slowly curled out from Mr. Godfrey's mouth, like he was too lazy to properly exhale it. The smoke rose like something sacred in the air, blurring the sharp line of his jaw for only a second before the wind swept it away. He didn't glance at me right away; he simply took another drag like he had all the time in the world. My eyes followed the perfect angle of the Forbes nose-- how was it possible to be so beautiful?

When Mr. Godfrey finally did turn his head, it was lazy. His green eyes flicked down the length of me, and he spoke with a sharp dryness; "You're late,"

I stopped a few steps away from him. "I'm not, sir,"

Mr. Godfrey gave a breath of a laugh, barely audible, more an exhale than anything, before he turned his body to face me fully, his cigarette hanging between his fingers as he pointed them at me; "You are," he said, voice low, amused. "By about thirty seconds. I counted."

I stared at him, unsure whether he was joking or if he truly did stand up here and count the seconds until I arrived. Did he have nothing else to do? What about the oil, the steel, and the whatever-the-fuck he did? "Sir," I tried. "Is this about the new schedule format? Why did you ask me up here?"

Mr. Godfrey took another drag before answering, his eyes squinting slightly against the sun-diffused sky. The cigarette glowed faintly at the tip, then dimmed again as he spoke around the smoke. "Because I felt like it," He let the smoke leak lazily from his mouth like he had no care in the world-- cocky. "I can do that, y'know? I can also summon a shaman or a Tibetan monk if I want to, and someone will fly the guy in. I once asked for a Catholic priest straight from Rome, too, but that ended up with a call from the board asking whether I was having some sort of mental breakdown or religious epiphany... so now I'm asking my secretary to join me on the rooftop. Is that a crime?"

I blinked. How was I supposed to respond to this info-dump? "What was it then?"

"Was what?"

"Was it a mental breakdown or a religious epiphany, sir?"

Mr. Godfrey smirked, handsome as ever, as the cigarette balanced between his fingers. He leaned back into the railing again, looking out on the skyline; "Neither. I don't believe in God, and I just wanted to see how far I could push before someone told me no," He brought the cigarette back to his lips, his green eyes gleaming with intrigue as he watched me through the veil of smoke separating us. "They didn't."

"Right," I breathed, wondering how long to entertain this show of ego-mania. I hated that some part of me enjoyed this side of him, the side that was unimaginably cocky, privileged. There was something about exactly this that made me want to jump him, and I hated myself for it. "Sir... I have a rhetorical question."

Mr. Godfrey glanced at me, and I took that as a yes; "Have you ever been told no?" I asked.

"That's not rhetorical," he muttered, unimpressed.

"Then it's... just a question, sir,"

His mouth twitched at that, not quite a smile. "Careful," he murmured. "You're getting too comfortable." 

I didn't even try to brush off the hit his words gave me, and I instead focused on trying not to let the breeze whip my hair into my mouth-- it was easier said than done. "Am I supposed to be uncomfortable around you, then? I thought our new... arrangement would make things a bit easier."

With that, Mr. Godfrey immediately straightened up. His smirk dissolved, and his cigarette hung forgotten between his fingers, burning quietly as his eyes locked onto mine-- steady now, less amused, yet all the more worrying. "That," he said, "is what concerns me."

I blinked, thrown off by his sudden change. "What does?"

Mr. Godfrey stepped forward-- not aggressive, but direct, to take action. I backed myself up against the ledge, swallowing hard as I felt my eyes widen. Mr. Godfrey now stood next to me, leaning down a bit to get on my level before he lowered his voice; "Do you think this is a shortcut to avoid how uncomfortable I make you?"

I stiffened, unsure how to answer. "You don't make me uncomfortable, sir,"

"What, then?"

"I just-- I don't know, do you want me to be completely frank?"

"Always,"

I let out a shaky breath; I was screwed. "You just... fluster me, sir," I was two seconds from digging myself a hole and dying in it. Why couldn't I ever shut the fuck up?

Mr. Godfrey's eyes sharpened, not having expected that to leave my mouth. His whole frame stilled, the lazy, practiced slouch of him tightening just slightly as the cigarette stayed perched between his fingers, near his mouth, forgotten mid-drag. "I see," 

For a moment, he just looked at me-- really looked. Like the word had cracked something in the air between us. The wind tousled his hair, the soft strands catching the sunlight. He finally took a drag, a long one, like he needed it to anchor him. His cheeks hollowed slightly as he inhaled, and his veins faintly raised on his forearm; I had never wanted someone the way I wanted him. "Every time," he said. "Every time you say something, without fail, I never know what's gonna leave your mouth."

I swallowed hard. "Sorry, sir, I-- I just mean--"

"No," he shot in, tutting his tongue. "Don't ruin it by explaining. I like an enigma." His eyes dragged over me, down, then back up, like he was recalibrating something, seeing me with fresh clarity. Then, with maddening elegance, he turned slightly and leaned back against the railing again, letting the cigarette dangle between his fingers. "I also like control," he continued. "I really, really like it, which is why I wonder why you'd want to give yours up for me."

I held my breath as Mr. Godfrey sighed. He flicked the ash over the edge of the balcony and leaned forward just slightly, watching it disintegrate into the air. "See, I know why I like this arrangement, but you?" He gestured to me, cigarette trailing smoke. "I have no idea. And something tells me you have no clue, either."

Mr. Godfrey brought the cigarette to his lips one last time, inhaled deeply, then stubbed it out on the metal edge of the railing with a slow, deliberate twist. 

Anxious, I tried to wet my lips, but I immediately regretted it; I felt like I had now swallowed fifty percent of my lipstick. As I tried to get the taste of it off my tongue, I also tried to recover. "I don't think I need to know why I want this," I breathed. "Just please don't call a shaman on me." 

I knew what the shaman would say, anyway; 'Your crush has led you straight into the arms of a BDSM freak. Congratulations!'

In return, Mr. Godfrey laughed, shaking his head as the last of the smoke left his system. He was gorgeous like this, free, and unlike how I usually saw him; his brown hair fell slightly over his eyes, and he ran his fingers through it to push it away. I wondered if he'd ever let me do that for him someday. But just as I was about to get lost in my daydreams and pink haze, Mr. Godfrey's voice cut through the fog; "What's your size?" he asked, dragging the words out like he was tasting them.

"... What?" I mumbled, whiplashed. "My size?" What size? For what?

Mr. Godfrey made a low sound, something between a hum and a scoff, and rested his elbow on the railing behind him. It made his dress shirt stretch across his shoulders, every line of him deliberate. "Bra-size," he said, as though it was a casual thing to ask.

I let out a shocked, choked breath; "Sir!" It was impossible to brush this off as a natural continuation of our previous conversation. "That's not!-- Why do you?--"

"Okay, then," Mr. Godfrey straightened up, throwing his cigarette over the ledge with no care in the word, yet his brows were drawn together with dissatisfaction. "I want it in an email by twelve o'clock, sharp."

"Sir!" I tried to calm myself out of the anxious giggles that were escaping me one by one. "Please, that's!--"

"Inappropriate?" Mr. Godfrey met my eyes, the sharp gleam in his gaze searing straight through my vanity. He leaned down, lowering his voice again with a dark tone; "I've seen you cum. Get over yourself." 

... Crap.

I swallowed, feeling my eyes round out. Something about his voice, his gaze, and the scent of him, made my head dizzy-- I wanted to be good for him, though, despite my shock. I wanted him to be pleased with me. I wanted him. Wanted, wanted, needed. "Okay," I breathed, hoping to recover from my reluctance. "Can I ask why you?--"

"No,"

"Oh," Breathless.

Mr. Godfrey stepped back from me, like the storm had passed. He adjusted his cuffs, sighing like I had disappointed him and insulted his whole bloodline; "Next time I ask you something, just answer. That's lesson number one,"

With that, he turned and walked back toward the glass doors that led into the office-- shoulders squared and broad, pace unhurried, exuding that infuriating, spine-melting calm he wore like an expensive cologne. The wind caught the back of his shirt as he went, tugging at the crisp fabric, accentuating the muscles of his upper back, and all I could do was stand there like I'd been hit by a very sexy freight train.

Lesson one?

Alright-- I was ready to be taught. 

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

After having sent Mr. Godfrey my bra-size with utmost reluctance, I sat behind my desk wondering whether a magical carriage would appear before me and take me to a ball. Before the clock strikes twelve. Where was my fairy Godmother to save me from the boredom of today? 

I had hoped that something would come out of my new arrangement with my boss. That he'd perhaps touch me, do something that would send me spiralling, or literally anything-- but ever since our meeting at the rooftop a few hours ago, he had promptly worked on some papers as though nothing had changed, and he'd had about two visitors with whom he seemed to have had pleasant business-appropriate conversations. Oh, how I longed for something wildly inappropriate to happen-- I was almost inclined to get off right now, in perfect view of him behind his desk, just to piss him off.

Mr. Godfrey hadn't glanced at me once through the glass dividers of his office. He was underlining some transcripts, minding his own business, as I repeatedly dug the heel of my Louboutins into a specific spot in the carpet; I had a competition with myself, wondering when the material would be pierced. I didn't have anything proper to do before the staff meeting in about twenty minutes, so I was bored out of my fucking mind. But just as I was about to dare to cross my legs at my ankles, not fully, just to tease both him and me (I bet he'd look at me then, huh?), someone showed up in front of my desk.

"Peter!" I exclaimed, feeling my body fill with delight at the sight of him. 

He stood there like something out of a cozy daydream; broad shoulders beneath a rolled-up shirt, his forearms dusted with faint freckles that somehow made my thoughts wander. There was something unassuming about Peter's good looks, which made them all the more disarming-- wait, why the fuck was I thinking about this in the first place? 

"Hey, kid. I was just coming from legal," Peter said, flashing me a small smile that lit up his whole face. "Saw you from the end of the hall and thought I'd... check in." He sounded a little unsure, like he didn't know whether he was overstepping-- that alone made me want to wrap my arms around him in gratitude. 

At least someone was looking at me, then. My eyes snapped toward Mr. Godfrey to check whether he was witnessing this, but he wasn't; with a sigh, I beamed back up at Peter. "I'm fine! Just happy to see you, honestly. I'm fucking bored to death,"

Peter chuckled as a few dark strands of his hair fell over his eyes. "Snake isn't saving you this time?"

"Sadly not,"

"Right... But honestly, I'm checking in because I wasn't so sure I'd see you back here," he added, gaze flicking briefly toward Mr. Godfrey's office. "After, uh... last time."

When I had gotten yelled at in front of the whole office? Fuck, I had almost completely repressed that. My mind had been too occupied with the fact that I was now Mr. Godfrey's official submissive-- when would that come with its perks? "I'm okay," I said, softening my voice as I tucked my hair behind my ear. "We talked. He basically apologized." In his own way, yes.

Peter's brows drew together. "Apologized?" His tone was gentle, but I could feel him trying to solve something, like he couldn't believe that Mr. Godfrey would ever apologize for anything. I couldn't blame him-- he was right. My boss hadn't said those exact words, but... 

"We solved it," I said with a vague shrug of my shoulders. "He's not going to yell at me again, and I'm going to start forging his signatures. Win-win, if you ask me. Just you wait until he starts letting me sign checks."

Peter rolled his eyes, biting down on another laugh. "You shouldn't be telling me that," he teased, a twinkle appearing in his brown eyes. "I work for legal, after all. You could get in big trouble."

"Crap," I breathed, playing along. "I'm screwed, aren't I?"

Peter leaned in just a little closer, bracing one hand lightly on the edge of my desk. "Guess I'll have to keep an eye on you now," he murmured. "Make sure you don't turn into a full-blown criminal, or something."

I smiled, but I felt a sting in my stomach-- I noticed that shift, that subtle lean of his body toward mine. His tone was still warm, still Peter, but suddenly, I was very aware of how tall he was, how the veins in his forearms shifted when he moved, how good he smelled, how--

Oh my God. Peter was flirting with me, wasn't he? "Noted," I breathed, flicking my gaze up at him as I tried to recover. "You gonna rat me out if I do?"

He smirked; "Nah... I'd visit you in jail, though. Bring you oranges. Handwritten letters. Make sure you don't join a gang,"

"Wow, okay... So you wouldn't be doing your best to bail me out, then? Not much of a help,"

Peter tilted his head slightly, and then came the smallest pause. A sliver of silence between us that wasn't awkward this time, just charged. His gaze lingered, a little lower than before, like he was letting himself look at me in a way he hadn't dared to before. "I'd be whatever you needed," he finally said, low and charming.

And suddenly my cheeks were burning. My breath caught somewhere between my ribs and my throat. I didn't have anything clever to say to that, not a single thing, and it made me feel like the biggest fucking idiot ever.

Peter noticed, too. His smile faltered a bit, like he was catching himself doing something he shouldn't. "Too much?" he asked, almost shyly, as he rubbed the back of his neck with one hand.

"No, no!" I said, maybe too quickly. "It's-- It's fine."

He nodded, stepping back just a touch. "Oh well," he said, voice gentle again, blinking quicker. "You looked like you needed a distraction."

The care in his voice made me feel something strange-- safe. And it was this exact safety that made me feel nauseous. Not because Peter was making me uncomfortable, but because it felt like a mirror to something I didn't have with Mr. Godfrey. Peter was the kind of guy you took home for the holidays, the kind your mother would adore before even offering him dessert, and I was letting him talk to me like he had a chance to be something like that to me. Would he like to be, though?

... Maybe I should keep that in mind before venturing too far down the road with Mr. Godfrey?

Then, just as I was about to respond, my computer let out a loud, annoying pling that I knew too well. Immediately, I straightened up and tried to swallow my heart, which had made its way up my throat in record time. 

When I saw who the email was from, I was sure I'd throw up all over Peter. In a hurry, accompanied by an anxious, breathy chuckle, I tried to click away the notification.

Peter raised his brows, automatically leaning over the desk to check out what had gotten my stomach in a knot. "You good?"

Finally, I managed to exit the window in a blur. "Yep!" I said, far too brightly. "It was just some reminder. Outlook being clingy."

Unsure whether to believe me or not, Peter backed off, hummed, and ran his fingers through his hair, tousling it a little. "Don't let Outlook bully you. You've got enough going on with that guy," he said, nodding toward Mr. Godfrey's office-- I didn't dare to look that direction just yet. "You sure you're alright working with him?" Peter added.

"Yes," I squeaked, forcing a smile that was way too wide to be natural as my heart pounded. 

Peter looked like he wanted to say something else, but held back. "Well..." he said after a moment. "If bossman gives you a hard time again, I'll come back with a bat."

"Now that wouldbe illegal!"

He leaned in once more, his grin lazy now; "Get back to work, kid,"

I grinned back like a fool, and Peter gave me a parting look; one that lingered, one that made my spine feel like it had turned to honey, before he walked back toward his office. 

As soon as Peter disappeared down the hall, the air around me changed. His absence made everything quieter, sharper-- the hum of the fluorescent lights, the clack of someone's keyboard a few desks down, along with the muffled whirr of the air conditioning above, made me want to curl into myself and disappear. I checked the time; I had fifteen minutes until I had to be at the staff meeting.

Then, when I opened the mail, I pressed my lips into the palm of my hand. This way, I knew I'd at least catch the acid reflux that threatened to claw its way up my throat. It burned, burned, seared through me, but it was the most toe-curling anxiety that oddly made my clit jump-- it filled me with unimaginable masochistic joy. 

From: Roman Godfrey

Subject: Your Posture

Dear secretary,

You slouch when he talks to you. Fix it.

Linearly,

Roman Godfrey, CEO of Godfrey Industries.

I nearly jolted right out of my chair-- my back straightened in an instant as my anxious gaze flickered to Mr. Godfrey, who smirked as he circled something in the transcript before him. Bastard. Had I known any better, I'd have assumed that he was sitting there, amused with his own little jokes. But something told me that this email had a bit of an undertone to it, one his emails didn't have before; was he perhaps not so keen on me talking to Peter?

From: You

Subject: Sudden Awareness

Dear Mr. Godfrey,

Are you watching me, sir?

I will correct my posture. Was that all that bothered you?

Curved,

Your Secretary.

I had half the mind to genuinely lie down and demonstrate just how horizontal I could be, but I suddenly remembered the time I had slithered down from my chair and onto the floor the last time I had sent Mr. Godfrey a risky email. I wouldn't want to repeat that, especially in perfect view of him.

However, my plans were interrupted when I got my reply.

From: Roman Godfrey

Subject: Redirection

Dear secretary,

Do not start feeling special. I am simply making sure that you are fulfilling your duties as my secretary. 

And as for Rumancek, I must remind you that he does not know what you respond to. Do not encourage the illusion.

Vertically, 

Roman Godfrey, CEO of Godfrey Industries.

I bit down on my bottom lip and scooted closer to my desk-- this was way too amusing. Finally, this day was taking the turn I had hoped it would, but I was left with a bit of a sour taste on my tongue. Illusion? What illusion?

However, I checked the time; I had to make my way to the damn staff meeting soon. I needed to wrap this up, yet I also needed to know what he meant.

From: You

Subject: Confusion

Dear Mr. Godfrey,

I would appreciate it if you could specify. 

What do you mean by illusion, sir? Do you believe my kindness to my coworkers is an illusion? I would like to have you know that I am very well liked in the office, not only for my charm, but also for how nice I am. I am nice. That is not an illusion. 

Horizontally,

Your Secretary.

Seriously, what the hell? I glanced into Mr. Godfrey's office and caught him tilting his head as he read whatever popped up on his screen, brows drawn together-- I could only guess it was my email. I wondered whether he had nothing better to do right now but to poke his secretary. Then, my response ticked in within no time--

From: Roman Godfrey

Subject: Clarification

Dear secretary,

I am referring to the illusion that he could handle you. He could not. However, I would like to reiterate: nice? Is the whole office unaware of your foul mouth? I must say I am impressed, yet irked— you manage to keep yourself under wraps around everyone else except me? I am almost offended. You unravel easily. It could be interpreted as a flaw. 

Anyway. Get me a cup of coffee. Thank you.

Parched,

Roman Godfrey, CEO of Godfrey Industries.

My... foul mouth? After that mail, I definitely needed a break from Mr. Godfrey's green eyes and ridicule. I got up within a beat, sending him a stern glare that he didn't see (or acknowledge). I barely had seven minutes until I needed to be at the staff meeting, so I knew I had to be quick.

I must've been gone for about three minutes, maybe less, but something told me that my coffee-fetching had been deliberately timed-- the large box that was suddenly on my desk was perhaps the biggest tell. It was either a bomb sent by the government to eradicate Mr. Godfrey, or someone had brought me a gift.

With careful steps, I approached it, letting my eyes feast on the huge, white bow enveloping it. I put the coffee down before I reached forward to run my fingers through the satin. Some clepto part of me wanted to keep the bow after I was done unveiling the enormous box-- fuck it, I was definitely doing that.

I felt my fingertips tingle to the point of it almost being painful before I opened the box with utmost delight. Baby-pink tulle was the first thing that met my eyes, yet the sight of a cream-coloured handwritten note on top of it got my attention. I picked it up;

Part of your updated wardrobe policy.

Effective immediately.

-- R.G.

With my heart beating its way up my throat, I did my best to bite down a squeal that would've alarmed the whole office. I made sure no one could see me before I pulled the lace into my hands, threaded it between my fingers, and stared at it in awe-- this was lingerie. 

Black, lace, and ridiculously expensive lingerie.

Oh Lord. Was this why Mr. Godfrey needed my bra-size?! How the fuck had he managed to arrange this so quickly? Who had brought this here? Was he perhaps writing this card earlier, instead of fixing the transcripts? My mind felt like it was actively melting.

Gathering the courage, I dared to let my eyes wander into Mr. Godfrey's office, only to be met with burning green. Green, green, green. He stared back at me, didn't move a muscle, not an inch, not a breath-- until he mouthed; now. 

I swallowed hard. Something told me I would get some extra repercussions if the coffee was cold by the time I was done. With a small nod, and possibly a tiny, shy smile, I grabbed the box and made my way to the restroom; finally, something was happening, and it made me so excited that I didn't care that I'd be late to the staff meeting.

Whatever it was, I couldn't wait.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

The fucking staff meeting was the biggest case of the snores ever. Who allowed that to even be a thing? Why did I have to sit for an hour and hear about staff regulations? This could've been compressed into a nice little email I wouldn't read.

As I sat there, all I could think about was how soft my new underwear was. Was I going to get to take this home? Was this a present? Was this all I could wear to the office from now on? Was I then going to get more...? I refused to wear the same pair over and over without washing it; if Mr. Godfrey wanted me to do that, then that would cross into the land of disgusting. Had I signed up for that?

I knew I was overthinking it, but I couldn't help it; my heart was hammering with thrill and excitement as I now made my way back from the staff meeting, knowing I was about to see Mr. Godfrey again. 

The tightening of my throat didn't get any better when I saw that the blinds to his office had been pulled down. Was this an invitation? I barely even dared to knock, but I was sure that he didn't have any visitors, so I stepped in with full confidence.

And... I definitely shouldn't have. I cringed when the door clicked behind me, and I cursed at myself when I saw that he had company.

Mr. Godfrey stood with his back to me, joined by a man in a white coat. They were mid-conversation about something scientific and horrifying on a clipboard. However, my boss didn't react, didn't turn to yell at the intruder to get the fuck out-- no, he definitely recognized the soft click of my Louboutins. But then, without turning his head, Mr. Godfrey gestured loosely with two fingers toward his chair.

Wait?-- His chair?

He didn't look at me. He just kept talking, like he was waiting for my immediate obedience. Who was I to deny him that?

"--It's not about that, Pryce, it's about instinct. You can't brute-force that, but I can feel that something is off about this,"

When Mr. Godfrey said the name, it finally hit me that the other man in the room was the Johann Pryce, the man who was on all the posters regarding the medical research of the Godfrey Institute. This guy was basically God. With zero acknowledgement from any of them, I nodded to myself, proud that I had connected the dots, before I carefully made my way to Mr. Godfrey's desk.

Sitting down in his chair felt wrong on all accounts, but I tried to make myself comfortable as they went on. He didn't have any pictures on his desk; I had noticed that a few weeks ago. This felt like a sterile place I shouldn't be anywhere near without some form of mask, so I remained very, very still as my eyes focused on the untouched cup of tea to my right.

"The gene expression changes post-serum are erratic," Dr. Pryce said, flipping the page on his clipboard. He wore a very particular expression; something told me this man wouldn't know what humour was, even if it hit him in the head. "Unstable tissue formation... Fragmentation around the spinal cord."

"It's not fragmentation," Mr. Godfrey huffed, pointing to the research on the clipboard. "You're over-compensating with the dosage! It's rejection, look-- the body's rejecting the shortcut!"

"You think it's psychological?"

"No, I think it's behavioural. Conditioning. A person isn't just cells, right? They have to believe they're changing, otherwise the nervous system... revolts," Speaking of nervous system-- without as much as a glance at me, Mr. Godfrey made his way toward his desk and proceeded to slide the cup of tea along the desk before it was perfectly positioned before me. He continued speaking to Dr. Pryce, but I couldn't make out any of the words as he dropped a cube of sugar into the tea and stirred. And just as I thought-- he stirred only thrice. 

Was I perhaps hallucinating, or had Mr. Godfrey just... made me a cup of tea? Had he anticipated that I would walk in, after all? 

"Ah," Dr. Pryce said, dry as ever. His voice brought my mind back to the room. "So your solution is... what, spiritual transformation?"

Mr. Godfrey fully turned toward Dr. Pryce, flashing an easy smile I didn't recognise. "If I wanted spirituality, Johann, I'd send the fuckers to church," He tapped the spoon against the saucer with a loud, obnoxious, and jarring clink, and it made my breath hitch at the sudden noise.

Only then did Dr. Pryce looked at me, and I immediately felt like a nuisance. He had a certain look about him that made me feel like a bug he wanted to stomp, and I had to do everything in my power to not cross my legs or sink under the table. "Sorry," I breathed, reaching for the tea to occupy my hands. Why did I have to be such a pathetic mess all the fucking time?

I didn't need to look at Dr. Pryce to know he was rolling his eyes, and probably exchanging patronizing glances with Mr. Godfrey about my incompetence. "Church? Roman, are you having another religious epiphany perhaps? Who are we flying in next time, the new Pope?"

I nearly choked-- I had to do everything in my power not to laugh. Fine, Dr. Pryce got points for that one. 

Mr. Godfrey only huffed, finally glancing down at me with a look of clear disapproval; something told me I had a smirk on my face that I needed to wipe. The more the silence dawned on me, the more I realized how strict he actually looked. Everything about the eye contact made me want to give up and die; Mr. Godfrey didn't blink. He just stared, like that'd make me cease to exist. With chills running down my spine, I gulped and sank into myself, not caring that his guest could see me falling apart. 

"Sorry about her," he eventually said, turning back to Dr. Pryce. "She can be a charming girl, but more than often, I'm reminded that she's straight from college."

Uh... hello? 

I hated when Mr. Godfrey did this; when he spoke like I wasn't in the room. It made me feel less than worthy of life, but also shamefully horny. What the fuck was wrong with me? I could only force a sip of my tea, not wanting any of it to go to waste. 

"She's young," Dr. Pryce's voice sounded, cutting through the tension that oddly didn't make him the least bit uncomfortable. He wasn't looking at me anymore, disregarding my presence. "That's not a defect. It's moldable. Isn't that ideal?"

"Spoken like a man who's never had to house-train anyone," Mr. Godfrey muttered, a verbal flick of the wrist. "Anyway, run another set. Lower the dosage, and send me the report."

Dr. Pryce gave a slow, meaningless nod. It was clear that this situation had bored him. "We'll reconvene Friday," With a quick turn of his head, he turned to me and plastered a polite, eerily polished smile; "It was nice to meet you, miss. You might still be here by Friday, right?"

... Ominous fucker.

The door clicked shut behind Dr. Pryce, and I instantly dreaded what was about to come; it was the most beautiful dread in the world. If only it would asphyxiate me and allow me to faint, thereby escape it.

Alas, the tension in the room was unescapable-- Mr. Godfrey didn't speak right away. Instead, he rounded the desk, slow and fluid, and perched himself on the edge of it, directly in front of me, arms folded loosely over his chest. Without breaking eye contact, his green eyes seared into mine as he pushed the steaming tea aside. "Do you not knock anymore?" he asked, his words cutting through the false sense of security I had sewn into my skin.

My throat tightened. "I..." I wet my lips, horrified that my voice had barely sounded. "I'm sorry sir, I saw that the blinds were down, so I thought--"

"Well, you thought wrong," Mr. Godfrey wasn't angry. Not really. Right? "Do you understand why that matters?"

I nodded too quickly. "Yes, I do, sir,"

"Do you?"

"I--"

"I'll give you the benefit of the doubt," he said, brushing a thumb once along the edge of his folded sleeve as though he was bored out of his mind. "But from now on, if you're not sure if I have company? You knock. Did I tell you to come into my office?"

I wanted to cry. "No, sir," I breathed, mortified. 

Mr. Godfrey sighed and rolled his eyes; something told me he didn't like the sound of me on the verge of tears like a fucking crybaby. Everything about this made me feel ridiculous, and for what? For walking through a door? Why did I put myself through this, and why the hell did I like it? 

"Get up," Mr. Godfrey groaned. "Let's see if you've done the thing I actually told you to do."

... Oh.

Oh, yes, yes, yes! 

I let out a shaky breath as I got up from his (ridiculously comfortable) chair, not daring to meet his green eyes as I placed myself in front of him. My throat bobbed as I swallowed over and over, hoping to also swallow the giggle of excitement that threatened to escape me; there was no way in hell I'd allow myself to show how much I enjoyed this, after I had proclaimed my love for his torture just yesterday. "The set is very pretty, sir," I breathed. "Thank you."

"Yeah?" Mr. Godfrey motioned for me to step closer, to take the space between his legs, and I dared to obey. Now that I was close enough to smell his cologne, his voice dropped and smoothened; "You think it's pretty?"

I didn't dare to look at him. Refused to. I barely even dared to breathe as my heart pounded in my chest. "Very much, sir,"

"Yeah?" His words were low, deep; sensual, almost. "You wouldn't mind showing me, then?"

Static noise-- that was what filled my brain. It completely short-circuited when I realized that Mr. Godfrey's breath was falling gently against my collarbone, and I felt goosebumps cover my skin all over. Slowly, yet confident, he reached down and let his fingertips brush the hem of my skirt like he meant to lift it. His hand hovered, waiting to see if I'd stop him, and--

And I did.

Instinctively, I pushed at his chest. "Wait-- Wait," I breathed, feeling Mr. Godfrey's body still against my palm. "Could we-- Could we at least lock the door first?" 

Fuck. Swallowing became impossible. I looked straight into his green eyes, then at the Forbes nose, and the beautiful upward curve of it. What if he didn't think I was beautiful, too? Why was I panicking about this right now? Mr. Godfrey was just so damn perfect, and I realized a little too late how inadequate this made me feel-- now, I was trapped. 

"Please," I breathed. "I'll do whatever you want, just-- just lock it, please." He had a button on the underside of his desk that I knew automatically locked it, anyway, and I had half the mind to just nudge it myself.

But Mr. Godfrey stayed unbelievably still. He hadn't blinked, hadn't breathed-- I didn't feel his chest rise beneath my palm, his lungs getting filled, nothing. It was as though he had completely frozen, and I should've pulled away right then and there. I should've known better. I should've apologized and stepped back, but my hand lingered-- my hope held me back. I held my palm against the firm heat of him, caught in the moment, caught in him, in the impossibility of being this close to someone so untouchable, and then...

Mr. Godfrey's green eyes slowly, achingly slowly, darted down to my hand as though he was watching a snake crawl up his body. This was awful to him. My touch was horrifying to him. 

Then, with no warning, his hand closed around my wrist with restraint strength; I could almost sense the way he was holding back from cracking my bones. "You don't touch me," he hissed, ice threading through his voice. "You don't ever touch me."

In one controlled, terrifyingly fluid motion, Mr. Godfrey rose from the desk, forcing me to stumble backward. Then he sat down in his chair, and my body spun around with him as his grip around my wrist remained unrelenting, and then--

He yanked me down into his lap. Mr. Godfrey's hands, large and sure, gripped my waist and drew me downward, down, until I had no choice but to fold across his thighs, my breath leaving me in one shocked, helpless whimper.

His lap was warm. Solid.

And I--

God, I was spread over it, just like one of the girls in my favorite porn videos. Was I hallucinating? Perhaps. Bent like this, perfectly arranged, skirt already rucked halfway up my thighs just from the motion, I wasn't sure whether this was a humiliation ritual or a dream come true-- something told me this could be both at the same time.

"You don't get to take liberties," Mr. Godfrey's voice was low, threatening, thrilling. "Not with me. That's not how this will work." He adjusted me slightly, his palm spreading along the arch of my back to press me lower, until the blood rushed to my face and my ass tipped up in the most humiliating, vulnerable angle. I a whimper escaped me, and he huffed like he had already predicted every sound I would make.

"You touched me..." he continued, listening to my breath hitch. "Like you had the right. I thought I had taught you better by now. Are you always so disappointing?"

Oh God. Was this really happening? My eyes burned with the tears of shock that I was biting back. I didn't want to disappoint him; I wanted to be perfect. I wanted to be perfect for him, and what was I if I couldn't be? Nothing was worth it, then. Nothing. "Sir, I'm-- I'm so sorry," I pleaded. 

I tried to turn and look up at him, and I watched as Mr. Godfrey's eyes caught the subtle edge of my underwear beneath my skirt; a flash of lace, the exact colour and style he had picked out for me. Did he like it? I so desperately wanted to know. Did he think it was pretty on me? Did he think I was pretty?

"I'm sorry, sir," I repeated. "I'm-- please, I'm so sorry." Please, please, please don't forgive me. Or do. Or?

With a low, bored hum, Mr. Godfrey dragged a finger slowly up the back of my thigh, just enough to make my lungs stall, until he paused, fingertips curling around the hem of my skirt to pull it over my ass, making me squeeze my eyes shut as I realized he could see everything.

Mr. Godfrey sighed; "I suppose you can take this as lesson number two," His hand smoothed over the back of my thigh, fingers slow, trailing higher until his middle and index hovered over my clothed sex. Something told me he was itching to pull the fabric aside, like he was unwrapping a gift he already owned. With my breath high in my chest, I hoped he might, but I knew he had a history of being reluctant; if I couldn't touch him, why would he want to touch me?

Then, with that same low voice, dripping with what I could only pinpoint as arousal, Mr. Godfrey spoke with the most ominous tone of the century; "Do you like pink?"

What? I had lost the ability to speak. Consequently, a pathetic nod from me followed as I wondered why the fuck he was asking me that in the first place--

I choked back a gasp.

Blinding pain ripped through me, and all the air in my lungs got sucked out.

Mr. Godfrey's palm had came down sharp and sudden across the curve of my ass, and I whimpered from the sheer shock of it. The noise was obscene in the silence, skin against skin. Before I could catch my breath, he did it again, a little harder this time, and the fabric of the underwear didn't do much to soften the blow.

I had gasped, but not from pain, not really. From the sound, yes-- the crack of skin against skin, the raw immediacy of it, the fact that it had happened, that he had done it, without hesitation. Every sick and twisted cell in my body twisted with satisfaction; God, how special it made me feel. Twisted fuck.

Mr. Godfrey's hand laid flat against my skin like it'd soften the sting. He took a few seconds to calculate my reaction, to make sure that I wasn't sobbing with complete and utter horror. His palm stayed there, resting against the tender heat he'd just left behind as though to absorb it and to ground me. "Breathe," he ordered-- something told me that he had done this before. 

And I did; slowly, shakily. The sound of his voice pulled me back from whatever haze I'd started to drift into, from the heat, shame, and terrible pleasure of it all. Mr. Godfrey's fingers stroked down again, a featherlight drag down my inner thigh that made my clit jump. His touch was calmer now, steadying, as though I was some cat he occasionally liked petting.

What was his play here? I couldn't figure it out. 

"Pink it is, then," Mr. Godfrey muttered, as though he was thinking out loud. 

"... My ass?"

He sighed-- I would've believed it was a laugh, had this been any other situation. "No. Not yet, at least, but we're getting there. I'm saying that pink will be our safe word. It's ironic," His fingers dipped down again, tracing the edges of my lace panties. My stomach flipped, and I held back another hitch of my breath; I so desperately wanted him to touch me properly. 

Then-- "Do you want me to stop?" 

"No," came my answer, without as much as a second thought.

A hum followed, and then the next strike landed a little lower, sharper. I arched with it, and the noise I made felt utterly filthy, a sound I never thought I'd ever make between the four walls of an office, yet I couldn't stop it. My hips twitched toward Mr. Godfrey, searching for pressure, for more contact-- anything.

"Count," he commanded. "We'll do five more."

I blinked through the heat in my eyes; every part of my body burned with excitement. Mr. Godfrey's tone wasn't cruel, and that was the worst part-- he sounded like this wasn't strange at all, like disciplining his secretary over his lap was just one of many tasks he planned to check off before leaving work. 

The first strike was anticipated and therefore easier to handle than the previous ones, yet a whimper left my lips; I wondered whether my skin was turning pink yet. "One," I breathed, shivering at the free hand Mr. Godfrey placed on my back to brace me. 

The second blow landed without pause, not giving me time to stabilize. I made a sound, something caught between a gasp and a whimper, and immediately bit it back, horrified by my lack of restraint. I didn't want the whole office to hear me, after all. The sting echoed a moment longer than the first, seeping in slowly; "Two," I choked out. 

By the third one, I was starting to feel sore. The sharp crack filled the room, and I started to squirm in Mr. Godfrey's lap, feeling my skin burn and my brain buzz with twisted pleasure. I knew I'd miss the sting of this. I knew it. "Three," I breathed, euphoric. My body betrayed me; I shivered. Some part of me wanted to beg him to give me his absolute worst, but the sane part of me knew I wouldn't be able to take it.

I allowed a small smile to form across my lips, possibly tilting into delirium-- Mr. Godfrey caught it. "What, are you enjoying this?" he chimed, his fingers ghosting over the faint handprint forming on my ass.

I gave a simple nod, not daring to speak. And then--

"Freak," he hissed. 

I was unsure whether Mr. Godfrey rewarded me or punished me with what he followed his insult with, but it certainly felt like a reward; his free hand moved up along my thigh, and he proceeded to press his thumb against the wet spot that had formed in my underwear, dipping into me just slightly. As though he had set me alight, I let out a whiny whimper, bucking reflexively, shame turning me inside out at the shock of him finally touching me there.

I shouldn't have done that. "You're soaked," he said, like it was the most disgusting, revolting thing in the world, before the next strike came-- I could only tremble. 

"Four," I whimpered. My skin burned, my breath came high and shallow, and my skirt was pushed so far up now it felt less like clothing and more like a memory of one.

Mr. Godfrey continued, pouring verbal venom all over my bare skin as he moved his thumb further up along my sex, slowly circling my clit once. Just for a second, I wanted to be his damn cup of coffee- then I'd at least get three circles, right? "You're wet, you're cocky, and you're sick for liking this," There was no heat in his voice. There was no raised tone, and only that cold, confident cadence he always had in meetings, like every outcome was already decided and he was simply watching me catch up. "You're fucking sick. Do you like hearing that?"

"No," I whispered, squeezing my eyes shut as the humiliation seared into my heart-- I lied. I did. It was freeing to hear it be said out loud, for someone to acknowledge it. None of my exes had, no one had ever seen me the way Mr. Godfrey did, and it was the most thrilling, liberating fucking feeling on earth.

Mr. Godfrey's thumb rubbed another slow, deliberate circle around my clit through my underwear, listening to the strings of broken, pleasured whimpers that left me-- he knew exactly what he was doing. He knew exactly what pressure to use before my legs would start kicking, and he knew exactly how to touch me to keep me denied yet pleasured. "You're pinking up," he mumbled, mostly to himself. I imagined he was inspecting the handprint on my ass, now. "I suppose this is the shade Rumancek's face would be if he knew you were in this position right now."

Oh God. 

No, no, no.

I couldn't think about Peter. If he knew I was happily spread over Mr. Godfrey lap like this, he'd be so, so disappointed, and I couldn't deal with that right now. Just the thought of him knowing me like this, seeing me like this, made me want to both cry and cum at the same time. What the fuck was wrong with me? "Don't," I breathed. "Please don't-- don't say his name."

There was a three-second pause, then a short, angry sigh, before Mr. Godfrey's palm lifted, hovered, merciless--

Crack.

The final one landed with precision, harder than the others. The sound was obscene, and I cried out before I could stop it. It wasn't a dignified cry; it was something raw, shocked, high in pitch, and drenched in shame from the image of Peter walking in on us, which he in all technicality could because of the damn unlocked door. 

"Five," I whispered, barely audible, broken.

Then, finally knowing I was done, it all fell out of me with a hitch; "I'm so-- I'm so sorry, I'm so-- so, so--" All the shame from having misstepped, from having taken the liberty to touch Mr. Godfrey, from the thought of Peter, drowned me.

As my apologies rambled on, Mr. Godfrey calmly reached for my skirt, dismissing my pleas of forgiveness. He pulled it over the pink, stinging handprint on my ass with surgical precision. If anything, he seemed like he had expected this, like this was the common outcome whenever he did this. 

 My breathing was ragged as my stuttered apologies continued, and the room spun with heat and shame. I couldn't ground myself, couldn't think, couldn't snap out of the shock. What had just happened to me? What had I done? How had I dared to touch him? How would I ever possibly explain this to Peter?--

Fuck. Peter.

Mr. Godfrey's tone was completely different when it made its way through the fog in my brain; "You're okay. Breathe,"

His voice wasn't harsh, but it cut through the haze like a whip. I turned my head slightly, just enough to meet his eyes over my shoulder. They were unreadable, still cold, still that corporate green glass, but there was something quieter behind it now. He wasn't enjoying this in the way people thought of enjoyment; he was committed to it. 

To the act. 

To me.

Mr. Godfrey's clinical care made the intimacy more unbearable. My thighs trembled as I breathed through the aftershocks, and my mind was still running crazy as Mr. Godfrey guided me to sit in his lap like delicate glass. I didn't dare to move, didn't dare to touch him to adjust, couldn't function. 

The incoming pleas for forgiveness were stopped when he spoke again, and the following words nearly knocked the wind out of me; "You did well. You did good," 

Was Mr. Godfrey complimenting me? Yeah, I had definitely died or something. Dead by spanking. That'd look good on my grave. I sniffled, not daring to look at him as I caught a distraught tear with my finger. 

Thankfully, he didn't comment on it, but he didn't soothe me either; didn't shush, didn't touch my face, or murmur reassurances like every part of me hoped for in the aftermath of what had just happened. Instead, he reached forward with one hand, slow, practiced, and opened the side drawer of his desk. The soft mechanical click of it, a quiet, domestic sound, accompanied another one of my sniffles.

To my surprise, Mr. Godfrey took out a handkerchief. It was confirmed-- he had expected something like this to happen. He had prepared for it. The handkerchief was one of those fine, silk linen ones folded into a precise square; "Stay still," he said, before bringing it up to my cheeks. I held back a hitch of my breath, and my glossy eyes were wide with confusion as they searched his green ones. Was he... taking care of me now? I couldn't believe it.

Mr. Godfrey hummed, not meeting my gaze. "Are you lightheaded?" He dabbed beneath one eye, then the other, with an unreadable expression. "That's to be expected... but I could pour you a glass of water?" There was a hint of softness to his touch, and the pressure of the handkerchief was almost gentle. Yet, before I could let my mind race, I did my best to convince myself that he wasn't doing this out of the kindness of his heart, and I took him for what he actually was; a man erasing the evidence of something he would never name.

"No, thank you," I breathed. "I'm fine, sir."

"You sure?" 

Something in me snapped; "Why are you asking me that?" Why was he acting like he cared?

With a sigh, Mr. Godfrey put away the handkerchief-- my eyes traced his hand as it slowly went to rest at my thigh. Oh God. Finally, he looked at me, not interested in reprimanding me for my sharp response, but to calculate his next moves. "We never actually discussed any conditions," he said. "But you didn't safe word me, so I can only assume--"

"Why can't I touch you?"

Mr. Godfrey blinked. His gaze faltered for a second. I hoped that he could see the hurt in my eyes, the confusion, yet the gentle, innocent nature of my question. I wasn't here to persecute him-- I simply wanted to understand. 

His green eyes traced my face and the flustered redness of my cheeks; "I don't like it," he answered. 

The words dropped like iron between us.

There was no elaboration. No explanation. Just the sterile finality of a man who had already made peace with his limits and didn't see the need to explain them to anyone, and least of all me. He continued, and his hand on my thigh burned with the hypocrisy; "If that's going to be a problem, you should say so now,"

The silence buzzed around us. An invisible bruise bloomed on my heart, wider than the handprint on my ass. I looked down at my folded hands in my lap. "But you can touch me?" I whispered, hating the way my voice shook from the aftermath of what had just happened.

Mr. Godfrey didn't answer right away. He shifted in his seat, slow, deliberate, and my body moved with his. "I didn't say it was fair," he said. "I said it was the rule."

"Can I... also implement rules?"

It was clear to me that no one had asked him that before. "Well..." I dared to look at him again, rounding out my eyes to hopefully advocate for my case through the sad, drowned puppy-dog look I had mastered. It worked every time with others, so why wouldn't it work with him? Mr. Godfrey's neutrality faltered for a moment, and his brain recalibrated the course before he answered; "Sure, fine. But I can veto them."

"That's unfair!"

"Bet it is,"

Just for a second, I felt our dynamic. Just for a second, I could imagine us breaking out into small hiccups of laughter. Because now, I could see hints of amusement in his green eyes again, could think clearly enough to recognise how intimate this felt, how intimate this was-- he was teasing me, wasn't he? That felt normal. This could be normal, had the both of us been normal too; it killed me that we would never be.

"Fine," I mumbled, hoping to recover from the blow to my heart. "I want two new rules."

Mr. Godfrey nearly laughed-- I saw it in his eyes. "Two?"

"Two,"

"You're getting ahead of yourself,"

"You just pulled me over your lap and spanked me. I'm being reasonable,"

That was what it took. Mr. Godfrey sat back with an acknowledging hiss, raising his brows as though to motion for me to continue; was I really bargaining with a seasoned businessman? And was it working? Damn. 

I cleared my throat, fixating my gaze on the hand he had on my thigh. "After... after something like this happens, I get ten minutes. With you, to-- to just... exist in the same room without you barking orders. To just be normal,"

Mr. Godfrey didn't look thrilled, but he also didn't say no. "Ten minutes," he repeated, flat. "Clock starts the second we're done."

"Deal,"

"And the second one?"

I swallowed hard; I knew that my next condition could be slammed down with a hard, dismissive veto vote. My voice was small and frail when my words finally left me; "I want you to actually look at me,"

That seemed to confuse him. "I am looking at you,"

"No, no, I'm not talking about right now," I mumbled. "But I know that you know that I look at you from my desk, and I want you to... look back from time to time."

I expected silence. Maybe a scoff, or that bored blink Mr. Godfrey gave when he was ready to move on. But instead, something shifted in his expression, like a tiny crack along porcelain. "I don't know about that one," he finally said.

My heart sank. "Why?" 

"Because the more I look at you, the more distracted I get," 

"In what way would that be distracting? It's just eye-contact! It would take less than a second out of your day, and!--"

"I get distracted," he bit back, speaking through gritted teeth like he had to contain himself with all he had. "Because every time I look at you, I start thinking about how I promised myself to make the new hire one I wouldn't want to gawk at all day."

My breath caught. It actually caught. I stared at him, stunned, my lips parting but unable to form anything concise. Was this real? Had he actually said that? "Wait-- are you saying?--" I couldn't even finish. I was grinning, I felt myself grinning like an idiot, and I couldn't stop it. "You think that I'm?--"

"Your ten minutes are over," He didn't smile back. He probably didn't enjoy how any of this made him feel. Was he regretting saying that? 

Then, with no ceremony at all, he shifted beneath me and nudged me off his lap with a firm, unapologetic scoot, like this was a conference call that had just run long. I landed on my feet, still stunned, still warm, and stupidly happy. "Mr. Godfrey, sir, I--"

"Get back to work,"

Fucker. "But... my day is over now,"

Mr. Godfrey groaned, rolling his eyes as he turned his computer back on. "Go home, then," 

Then, to my surprise, one of his hands went beneath his desk, and the lock to the door clicked open with a click. Wait-- when had he locked it? When had he managed? With my heart in my throat, I turned to him, beaming; "You actually locked it," I breathed. 

Mr. Godfrey let out an annoyed huff as he glared up at me. "I'm not a fucking idiot. Of course I locked it,"

I would've squealed, had this been such an occasion. "Thank you," I purred, adjusting my skirt-- God, how I hoped I'd have a mark on my behind. I knew I was going to rush to the bathroom to check it out now, anyway. "Will that be all, sir?"

His green eyes didn't leave me-- didn't blink. "Do you like blue?" he suddenly asked.

"... Are we going through the colours of the rainbow today, sir?"

"Obviously not. I'm just thinking out loud. Maybe red would be more suitable?"

"For what...?"

Mr. Godfrey shrugged like this was the most normal conversation on earth-- you best believe it wasn't; 

"Your next present,"

(a/n: need me a Mr. Godfrey, like... STAT. thank you for all the support my loves, I have been re-reading ur comments over and over and AGHHH life is worth living<333)

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