#for listening to me ramble you get context on the rest of this design

[puff-the-bunny]

Alright, help me decide. Doing a cosplay and meshing together two different adaptations of a character, so the colors are slightlyyy different between versions. No context for the rest of the design HADFYHADF VOTE WITH YOUR HEART !!

[moonstrider9904]

I'm about to go on a probably incoherent ramble about how Bendy is indeed peak character design but also how shocked I am at the fact that I'm enjoying a horror game so much

Context: I'm not a fan of horror at all in any of its forms. Movies, games, literature, none. Nope. On all fronts, there is no reason why I would find my interest piqued by a horror game, of all videogames, and I certainly didn't dwell over to it because it's a horror game.

I found Bendy and the Ink Machine because every so often I like to browse around for music new for me, and I stumbled upon the songs that were created for the game, with my favorites being Build Our Machine and Welcome Home. Debating internally, because I know I am naturally very adverse to horror as a genre, I decided to watch a gameplay of it to test the waters and opt out in case I felt like it (thank you, jacksepticeye, for having played the game years ago)

So with that out of the way I kinda just want to scream WHY AM I OBSESSED

WHY am I finding it so enjoyable to feel inside a chilling environment, why is that rush such a.... well, a rush?!

And I really think it comes down to Bendy.

When I first saw Bendy, this very unique, very stylish character designed in the style of the old Disney cartoons, I thought "Cool!" And yes, he is indeed, very cool - his design is fuckin' amazing.

Now, the very first time I ever saw Bendy was in the video for Gospel of Dismay, so my first impression was cool looking character who dances and moves up and down! So cute! Cool!!! And, sure, listening to the song a first time was like super sweet and all-

Then I actually paid attention to the lyrics, and I realized "Ok, this isn't the bubbly pal I'm thinking he is"

To make the story short, I finally decided to watch the gameplay because I watched Welcome Home and realized he's fucking unhinged - and you know me, guys. I'm not really a stranger to an unhinged boi with an interesting design

What I'm really trying to get to is:

Look at this dude (reference intended)

IT'S A SCHMOL BOI, RIGHT?!

RIGHT?

(more below because this got really long lol)

No, you see, the thing about Bendy is that you're meant to have this first impression about him, and you're meant to associate those white gloves and those big pac-man shaped eyes with Mickey Mouse and others, which gives you a little mislead to follow, say, a "sense of comfort" when you associate him to things most of us have known as children.

But, have you noticed that a lot of those old Disney cartoons can feel creepy at times?

Bendy gives you this first impression because sure, he looks good and chummy, he was designed to be that, even ingame. Always smiling, dancing, etc.

What happens with Bendy is that the more you look at him, the more you stare at that unwavering grin and look into the shape of the eyes, something becomes unsettling. Bendy's first impression morphs with time the more you look at him and the more you watch him, for example, in the music videos; he appears angry, cocky, mocking, etc, no longer just the happy smiling dancy boi TM you first believed him to be. And, what's more is, you don't even need the rest of the music videos or the context for this to happen, staring at him is enough for you to, at one point, become unsettled by his presence. (love that word for this lol)

Taking Welcome Home as an example, which is the animation that ultimately made me obsess over this character's design (gosh, if you haven't watched it, do so!!) you see Bendy juxtaposed: what he was meant to be with what he's become, and you see some expressions like these (and these were seriously just my favorite look at that unhinged BOI-)

And, my favorites, which precisely show a spiral from what could have been to what turned out, and the pain felt over it in some deep corner (these frames are in one same sequence):

Please, give me characters who show pain over what's happened to them shifting into the fury and rage that they feel because it's happened to them--I want to forgive you, I want this to be better, but I'm furious that because of you I am in this living hell and it's been so long that this is the only way i know now--this is good shit as far as my historic preference in characters goes

And don't let me forget THE UNHINGED BOI:

talk about unsettling-

and this was all progressive. The more you see him, look at him, see that he's not the smiling happy boi, you fear him more - understandably. The concept is very logical and not revolutionary in itself, but what I'm saying is, applied to this character, it's pulled off incredibly well thanks to his base design. (Kudos to the animators who worked on this!)

What's even more mesmerizing to me is that this is the exact same principle the game uses in its own gameplay. Yes, when you start playing Bendy and the Ink Machine, you know you're in for a horror game and you expect certain things, and I'm not an expert on this since it's my first horror game pretty much ever but I expected jumpscares and gory images and shit.

While there are a few in what I've seen so far of the game, and the gore is ink rather than blood, the game doesn't rely on this.

No, the game lets you play through it in an eerily silent environment, where in many corners you will see that same. smiling. face. staring right at you, unblinking, unmoving. Watching you. Little by little, you learn of Bendy, you learn of Boris, of Alice, you learn of the people who put their lives (quite literally) into them and slowly, the game becomes more unsettling, filling you with a greater sense of dread the more you become immersed in it.

I think I'm so obsessed with this game currently because it's pulled off so well that even I, someone who runs away from horror, am captivated and mind-blown by this (but also, it's not a brutal, gross horror like what I would never engage with, rather a subtle horror that builds up in the environment that almost feels more psychological and is, I believe, harder to pull off).

[wither-rose-circus]

*slides into DMs*

Hello there, I would like to hear about your Listener Jimmy ideas

Disclaimer: this got really long I am So Sorry

So I’m not skimming through Jimmy’s entire series to get his full relationship with either entities it’s 100+ episodes long like Jesus fucking Christ but I did skim through a handful of videos to get a basic understanding

And I noticed they did mention Jimmy in the end credits, but I think what’s noteworthy is that they didn’t specifically praise him for anything like the others, only scolding him.

I assume that’s partially why the Listeners chose him.

For context, though, I wanna clarify my general Listener headcanons

• The Listeners are to the Nether what the Watchers are to the End

That is not to say they are from the Nether, but that it is their domain. Both the Nether and the End are (or were, in the Nether’s case) total wastelands. From what I understand, the series hinted at some sort of war between the two factions. That is what I believe caused these two lands to be destroyed. Prior to 1.16, the residents of the Nether were diseased and undead, hinting that some kind of disaster happened (Even now, the achievement for finding a bastion references some war among the Piglins, the End Cities have airships and are decked out with leftover enchanted diamond armor, etc). Now, what in the Nether has to do with the Listeners?

• The Listeners are related to Ghasts

Now I know that sounds weird, but hear me out. The description for the achievement Uneasy Alliance goes as follows: Rescue a ghast from the Nether, bring it safely home to the Overworld... and then kill it. This directly implies that ghasts are not native to the Nether, but to the overworld. Now what are ghasts obviously inspired by? Ghosts. What is the Nether obviously inspired by? Hell. What do you get when you put that together? Ghasts are player souls trapped in the Nether. How does this related to the Listeners? The Listeners had their souls trapped within the Nether in the form of ghasts in an attempt to wipe them out. Only some were eventually able to regain their senses and escape the Nether via players’ portals. But why were they trapped?

• The Listeners oppose the Watchers because they believe the Watchers are taking away players’ autonomy

This is less headcanon and more directly reading into the series. The Listeners tell the evolutionists that they need to take back their freedom, that the Watchers are controlling. My personal interpretation of the Watchers is that they are “Awoken,” which is based on how the credits poem references players awaking from dreams. They are essentially the end goal of that process. When a player passes through the portal in the End, the Watchers judge their soul and decide whether or not to awaken them. This leads to them ascending to the Aether (yes, that Aether), which they believe is the “perfect” version of the game (everyone being in creative and thus unable to fight or be hurt, constantly daytime so no mobs, access to the creative inventory to do whatever they please, etc). Now, how did they know what the Watchers were doing in the first place?

• The Listeners are former Watchers

Due to their similar designs, I believe Listeners are simply rebellious Watchers who believe no one group should have control over a player’s life. After the war, they were subsequently banished to the Nether, which has only recently begun to recover. However, this separation left them stripped of the Watcher’s all seeing eyes. This led them to utilize sound to more discretely convey their messages. They have dedicated themselves to “freeing” players from the Watchers’ grasps and recruiting whatever souls they can still get their hands on. This is where Jimmy finally comes in.

The Evolution server was unique in that the players brought to it were specifically chosen to be tested. It was essentially a recruitment effort. The Watchers state that choosing to take Grian was a difficult decision, likely meaning they assessed each one individually. Due to their dismissal of Jimmy, I take it he was not heavily considered. This negligence is what allowed the Listeners to latch onto Jimmy.

Jimmy arrives in the Evolutionist’s old spawn before any of them arrive. We know it was before because Jimmy placed the enderchests the Listeners gifted the rest of the team and because, upon returning in his next episode, the Listeners’ symbol is replaced with that of the Watchers. However, when the evolutionists show up, he’s nowhere to be found, only making his way back with the signs they left. But Jimmy’s videos imply he never really left the main area, so something happened to him between that cut. This is where I believe Jimmy was “marked” by the Listeners.

So now, tumblr user Harley the Pancake, I am so sorry I’ve rambled for like 3 pages without answering the question, but these are my headcanons for pseudo-Listener Jimmy, specifically in the context of 3rd Life:

• Jimmy has bouts of auditory foresight. They’re not consistent, but tend to happen in relation to bad things. This is why he got so defensive towards the Red Army. He foresaw them, specifically Ren and Martyn, killing Scott. However, these flashes are purely auditory, so he had no context as to how or why they killed Scott. His own paranoid imagination applied the idea of Scott being sacrificed (Ironically, this actually sealed Scott’s fate, as neither of them would’ve been killed the way they were had they joined the Red Army). Jimmy is not fully conscious of this ability and tends to chalk it up to gut feelings.

• Jimmy has Nether traits. This comes from more general evolutionary traits you would expect from having lived in a place like the Nether. Not being very affected by heat, more resilient to lava (yes I know that’s ironic for his first death to be lava but I said resilient, not immune), piglins are less likely to aggro on him, etc.

• Jimmy can understand both Standard Galactic and, to a lesser extent, Piglin. Standard Galactic is something he can read fluently while Piglin is something he can vaguely understand. He can’t speak Piglin because Piglin is a very guttural language and few players have the vocal cords for it. If you asked him how he knows these languages, he wouldn’t have an answer. (I also headcanon Scott to be inhuman in different ways, though, so he also knows Standard Galactic. Jimmy just kinda assumed it must’ve been a normal thing to know.)

• Jimmy vaguely remembers past dreams/lives, most notably sounds. He tends to remember sounds specifically so he gets this intense feeling of deja vu when several server members talk to him.

• Jimmy has incredibly conflicting feelings towards Grian for reasons he can’t explain. On one hand, Jimmy vaguely recognizes Grian as a friend from Evo. On the other, he has this instinctual discomfort due to Grian being a Watcher. He can’t tell Grian is a Watcher, he just gets this strange gut feeling around him. (Grian, on the other hand, is very aware Jimmy is part Listener.)

And that’s all I’ve got for now, sorry for how long this was!

[mostlydeadallday]

Pure Vessel and Sealed Vessel, perhaps? Oh, and how about the classic-for-people-who-like-Hollow, The White Palace?

oh you are ON to me

Pure Vessel

*If I like it: Listen when I found out PV had their own arrangement of the theme I went nuts. I don't normally like choir-forward pieces but the bells and the subtle strings really put this in its own category for me. And how reserved and held back the whole thing is when compared to Sealed Vessel really fits the character so, so well. The arrangement of the main theme somehow feels both regal and uncertain and the quiet piano at the ending makes me wanna bawl every time

*What vibes it gives me off-context: I would not think this was the music to a boss fight. I'd think this was a cutscene or an NPC interaction or smth (like the White Lady's track) but it surprisingly fits the fight really well. Also it really does give off a "church-y" vibe but in a totally different way than the Soul Sanctum.

*Favorite part: Hands-down 1:58 where the instruments change and the choir fades out. It feels like a question that never gets answered.

*If I like the scene(s) where it shows up: I have never gotten that far and probably never will, but I love watching other people fight PV because the entire fight is impeccable. The design, the moves, the beautiful spells, the glimpse of Hollow in their prime, just ugh

(more under the cut since this got long)

Sealed Vessel

*If I like it: You just had to pick my favorite track in the game. I have cried and jammed out and conducted entire orchestras in my car to this track. I have listened to it on repeat for hours on end. I have ranted and rambled to my uninterested friends about this track. You can take it away from me when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.

*What vibes it gives me off-context: TBH exactly the vibes it gives me in-game. A climactic moment that turns unexpectedly tragic. A struggle that's drawn out and drawn out until the last moment and then satisfied. A bittersweet closure. An unhappy ending--but at least it's over.

*Favorite part: 0:59, where the violas(?) and the bells play the stretched-out main theme while the upper register goes nuts. Or 4:03, where you finally get the resolving note of the entire theme in the background, but the rest of the track goes on to pile even more angst on top before the final climax.

*If I like the scene(s) where it shows up: Not funny. Cried.

but for real the first time I lost that fight was because when Hollow turns their own nail on themselves I just sat there with my mouth open and let them kill me afterward.

The White Palace

*If I like it: *through gritted teeth* yes I like it so much and I can't stop please help me. After I first heard it I didn't shut up about it for days. It's just so masterful and such a gorgeous exploration of the Pale King's theme. The build! The chord progression! The added and subtracted instruments! The HARP!

*What vibes it gives me off-context: I listened to both White Palace and Sealed Vessel before I played either scene and White Palace just struck me as incredibly sad. Like, it's so beautiful, but also wistful in a way that feels like mourning for something incredibly valuable that's been lost forever. And it has such an air of refinement and luxury along with that sadness that it really does feel like a portrait of a decaying society, a rich and beautiful culture with a tragedy at its core.

*Favorite part: 2:56 when the cellos show up. It sounds a little bit menacing there, hinting at something darker than the rest of the song, and I think it's very fitting for the area and the circumstances. And 1:54 when the main theme fades away and transitions to the brief build with those harp arpeggios. *chef's kiss*

*If I like the scene(s) where it shows up: buzzsaws go brr

[anyu-blue]

So a friendship ended... But luckily in this case it's absence leaves room for better things to grow.

I was rambling in the tags of my previous reblog, but yeah...

'friend' decided that Empathy and Sympathy mean the same thing, that I am not, in fact, an empath/able to put myself in others' shoes/sometimes unwilling pulled or made to feel things against my will (experience things that aren't may own), that NO ONE could feel what he feels or know what he's going through, that I have a messiah complex, that he 100% wants something (that I, being me, cannot/will not provide), and that families and friends cannot possible hold one another accountable/truly be honest with each other.

I have tried very hard for months to be patient with this man. Tried very hard to be a good friend and more. Tried very hard to give him the benefit of the doubt too. But, well, he isn't worth my time and effort I've decided.

Maybe I'm wrong in that I'm an empath and I've just got another form of psychosis. I fully admitted it was a possibility... But I was honestly helped by people being willing and able to kindly explain how they could put themselves into my shoes almost perfectly and WERE me at one point- with all my experiences and feelings... Not with the same names and faces of course, but knowing my experiences aren't so unique and I wasn't so alone as I thought was such a comfort to me. And it certainly feels like I can do the same that they were describing of being in others' shoes.. and that sometimes too it's involuntary..

Of course I was a stubborn teenager at the time I was being told all of this and going through that teenagery 'you don't know what it's like!!' stage... But I learned. I was able to step back and take stock when my hormones weren't flying all over the place (made worse by an undiagnosed hormone disorder at the time (woo nonbinary body!), but I still managed with help and good role models)... I'm sad my former friend never got that and can't clearly draw understanding of stuff like that. He's into his 30s so, well.. it's harder. I get that. In a few years almost on the dot I'll be 30 myself. I know how much harder some of this stuff is now that I'm very much an adult vs when I was a teen.

According to him though... Yes. Empathy and Sympathy are the same thing. Completely overlooking that Sympathy is having a common feeling and being able to feel sorry for someone... And empathy is SHARING a feeling and being able to experience/feel what it is that's being gone through- not just feel sorry (And I'm explaining it this way because he pulled up Definition number two of Sympathy and Definition one of empathy from google and demanded to know how they were different- common vs sharing is definitely a key difference in those Definitions... And Empathy's specified it was an ability on top of that so... Hmm). I wasn't there for that type of ignorance.

Next is the idea that his experience is SO unique I couldn't possibly understand and then his demand of me to explain how he felt if I 'thought I could'. Okay, first of all it's is heckin' RUDE to demand your friends explain how they could 'possibly know' how/why you're bothered by Something... But I did try- after telling him I wanted an apology for him being so rude as to demand that... he half apologised and mostly went into detail about his woeful feelings.... And yet when I told him I made my reply/explanation much earlier in the day and copy/pasted it to our chat from my Docs (which, to be fair, matched what he said incredibly well) he told me that I was 'just regurgitating' what he told me about how he felt. Um... You asked me how you felt and then I told you what it feels like to go through what you're going through and why it's so bothersome (because I've BEEN there myself?)... Only for you to tell me I don't understand and I'm just echoing you rather than feeling anything? Um?? Empathy is FEELING what YOU feel??? Hello??? And you asked me to describe it??? WTF? I wasn't there for THAT either.

And then he had the idea to accuse me of having a messiah complex (because he 'had one too when [he] was younger and had to learn People weren't worth saving'). Okay. I didn't 100% get what that was/didn't entirely trust my gut feeling on the Google Definition... So what did I do? I googled it. And then I asked my sister (without context) if she thought the description matched me before I replied. According to Google and my sister and the rest of my family... I do not have a messiah complex. Not the first Definition of believing to have some calling or right to heal people, nor the second Definition of believing to be responsible for helping people... As I told him I only offer bits and pieces of advice and different outlooks on the same situation because I am trying to be a good friend. Sure I HOPE it'll be helpful or someone might gain Something from it- but I'm not Sharing because I BELIEVE it will solve the problem or that I'm responsible for fixing someone (I know the line is fine and blurry, but I s2g caring for a friend by sharing stuff and believing you HAVE to help someone are TOTALLY different things)... People sharing their experiences and what works for them to help them not be so miserable is what has helped me throughout my life... it's a mark of my best friends. And I truly don't understand some social cues of how sometimes sharing advice or ideas or memories even ISN'T needed, wanted, or helpful... Obviously. (Because I'm clearly neurodivergent- uh, hello?! Can't 100% help it but trying my hardest?!)....

But according to him... I'm just blind and needed to be knocked down a few pegs rather than thinking I'm so great and could possibly understand him/anyone else... Okay. Not here for that.

I admitted to him that sure... Some of my own experiences bleed into empathetic episodes. It happens!! Like when he's told me multiple times that he's been left out with his family (no one shares information or events beyond what's ABSOLUTELY REQUIRED with him- won't tell him a family member is dying but will talk about Christmas sort of deal) and is a black sheep (different political/life views and feelings of only being tolerated) the ways he has... I put my own experiences of being neglected/abandoned into that. He swears he had always been loved and never felt alone/mistreated by his family (even though he's the one who described these things and Is partially why the feelings of abandonment popped up as I went into his shoes more or less-- but hey. Mistakes happen as do unintentional bleeds. I get that it's not perfect because ultimately I'm still me even when experiencing others. I can and will admit to skewing some things like so on accident if it's true.. but I refuse to believe I understand absolutely nothing at all when we are ALL human and typically have emotions and certain reactions to certain things. Most of us REALLY aren't THAT unique!! Sorry.. it's extremely true based on science's understanding/research anyway).

One of the last things he said to me after accusing me of the messiah complex was he just wants me to 'listen and agree' with him about stuff instead of telling him about my/other ways of looking at things, telling him he's off the mark, or trying to help with the misery.... When previously (and over and over and over) having demanded my absolute honesty and having said he appreciates what I do.... I will not lie to him and say he's right in what he's doing or does with a given situation if he's wrong or looking at it through a lens. Duh. That's 'bad' friend stuff. And sure I can listen no problem!! IF I am told outright/first that what he's saying is JUST a vent and not supposed to be a conversation at all. I've mentioned I need that sort of thing!! If it's just a vent, tell me!!! I'll stfu and listen knowing that... But I'm SORRY I CANNOT just outright TELL. It's not a skill I have!! I HAVE been attempting to get better at it... But anyone can tell you text is especially HARD. Especially when we DO have a conversation about it? A back and forth? And you NEVER once say 'i don't want your take. I just want you to listen.' Even my own sisters and I have to stop ourselves and go... Hey... I really appreciate what you're trying to do, but I'm just venting. And then everything gets so much easier!!! And if we can open with that- 'hey, can I vent to you?' OMFGGGGGGGG it's SO much EASIER!!!

... and yet still.. following that... I am INCREDIBLY LUCKY... Because in venting or in sharing and asking for advice and more... MY family is made up of the type of people who can step back and be unbiased!!! And we can stop each other and TELL each other if we are, in fact, fucking up!!! I mean sure... There's always going to be that love and desire for better for one another... Be ALL of us are under the impression that sometimes the people we love are WRONG and sometimes they are BAD no matter how much we don't want them to be.. and it's far kinder to be honest and take the 'right' side than to give each other all the quarters we want. We cannot learn and/or grow if we cannot hold each other accountable... And Sharing experiences and saying why is designed to be a kindness no matter if it actually helps them or not.. But guess what my 'friend' thought of that? ROFL I was obviously under the incorrect impression and my family will always take MY side simply because I'm family...

In the end...

I do NOT need a 'friend' like that. Who questions everything I do, demands more of me/everyone than I/anyone can provide, who cannot and will not learn or be open to learn in any form, and who takes - dude, you're pissing me off. Fuck off for the night and maybe we can talk again in the morning once we've both gotten sleep- as a 'challenge' to prove this that or the other thing and attack their friend... What the ever loving FUCK is WRONG with you?!

... if you want to know what started this whole thing... He was complaining that none of his friends 'will' hang out with him anymore. Totally understandable to feel awful and lonely (and everything I described to him that he demanded I do)...

But he kept taking it father saying people always changed their schedules on purpose or clearly had nothing else going on in their lives but avoided him anyway and stuff like that... And I dared to question and suggest that some of us DO have good reasons for canceling and not spending the time he wants/needs... That some of us have offered compromises that have never been enough but we still try and SOMETIMES life really DOES just get in the way!!! Like my being sick all the time!! I don't WANT to stay cooped up in my house every day fearing even a passing cold will knock me off my feet!! But dude!! I HAVE to!! And People don't USUALLY demand schedule changes!! It usually kinda gets thrust upon them!! Hello??? Don't we live in america where that's WIDELY KNOWN?! Where sometimes people CAN'T take what little spare time they have and spend it on YOU?? ESPECIALLY during a PANDEMIC and other big changes??? That sometimes that time NEEDS to be taken up with simple pleasures like a single player game in their own home?! Don't People USUALLY have reasons for their habits too? Prerogatives/needs that they don't or can't share with others during those habits because MAYBE it's what they need and you just happen not to be a part of it but could be if you actually ASKED what was going on?! Or idk... LISTENED to what they're telling you about WHY-- especially when you yourself admit you are the ODD one who needs other people physically around to recharge (where most other people don't/only get more exhausted)?!

In the end... I did tell him that sure... If he's treating his other friends like this (which clearly he was treating me pretty darn awfully) then maybe YEAH some of them do it on purpose. We already know how younger brother (my ex) does and that he's not exactly shy about that. Friends may do it on purpose eventually- especially if he's treating People awfully and accusing them of doing it on purpose when they DON'T have control over it... Maybe they WILL migrate to doing it on purpose because of the accusations and inability to make him believe life is just messy sometimes!! But they don't want to lose an occasionally really great friend (because good or bad losing a friend is HARD on the mind and body) and/or don't see how manipulated they are?

In which case... He deserves it. Just like he deserved my wrath (at least in part- I was told I took it a bit too far in that I didn't block him sooner. I did make that mistake for sure XP) when he decided to be so fucking rude to me and then piss all over my efforts to try and be what constitutes a good friend.

Fuck you, dude. You're clearly not worth my time.

And of course the very very last word he had was 'you deserve better friends than I am right now.'

Which, while true and would have been sweet, is something I know (and he has admitted to in the past) is a 'feel sorry for me' tactic. It's not 100% true remorse any more than 'oh no I fucked up and don't want to deal with the consequences of my fucking up, maybe this will get them to feel sorry and let me do it again/get away with it.' I've used it too and understand the tactic all too well. So again I say and know he's not worth my damn time.

Without him in that space of my life... I have more room for others and especially more for myself. I don't need that toxicity. I've been that person too and I know it. I still have my days. And yet it's still okay and good I've walked away.

Fuck you, dude. You're clearly not a friend for me.

[harrysscheshirecat]

Lace

The one where H reassures Lenin’s risqué fashion choice. Lenin also finally agrees to a date! (Fluff)

Word Count:  1.3k

“I’ll be only a moment.” she called from her closet, unseen. Harry moseyed into the room and sat down on her bed to wait. He took a big bite of the apple he brought in with him. He knew he wouldn’t be eating for at least the next few hours. Pre-event snacking was paramount.

Lenin walked into view pulling at the lapels of her oversized suit jacket, trying to cover the sheer lace camisole underneath. 

Harry sat himself upright, quickly forgetting about his snack. “Wow.” Lenin looked up to him with wide eyes, coming to stand in the doorway of the closet. She had a sort of ‘deer caught in the headlights’ type look about her. He suspected it had something to do with the aforementioned garment. It was lovely, really, just something a bit more risqué than what he was used to seeing on the reserved Lenin. She tended to opt for more classic looks so there was something inherently shocking about seeing her rock such a bold look. 

“I’d been so busy, I never got around to okaying the outfit,” she explained quickly as she fumbled to button the velvet jacket up, covering her midriff. “I-ah-he’s usually so good-I mean, this is good too. He kept saying it was a bit more daring.” she closed her eyes and shook her head, “I should’ve okayed the outfit. Always. I didn’t even have a fitting, stupid.” Lenin disappeared back into her closet but continued to ramble on about the clothes, “I mean, they said the top was eyelash lace, but I assumed they were talking about the trim, not the whole thing! Maybe I can find another shirt?” she was panicking.

Harry left the bed to check on her. He hovered in the doorway she just occupied as to not intrude.

“They sent over a dress as well, but I’ve also been told someone else is already planning on wearing it.” She stood in front of the full length mirror fidgeting with the jacket. “I’m not sure I’m meant to wear it this way. Do you think the designer will be offended?” She was rambling. He was getting anxious just listening to her. 

“First of all,” Harry stepped behind her, “You are thinking entirely too much.” He wrapped his arms around her waist for a reassuring squeeze, “Secondly, you look,” his eyes met hers in the mirror, “magnificent.” His hand expertly undid the buttons at her front. Harry carefully monitored her reaction in the mirror.

She bit at her bottom lip and watched his every move with wide eyes but made no attempt to stop him. In fact, she seemed to appreciate his touch, leaning back into him while his deft fingers continued to work. Her jacket fell open and Harry fought the urge to run his hands across the delicate lace that adorn her taut stomach. They both stared at her in the reflective glass. 

“Its not too much?” her fingers ghosted at the dramatic v-neck. 

He brushed Lenin’s wavy curls behind her to reveal even more of her. “You’re allowed to go out and show off every once in a while, you know.” he was quick to whisper words of encouragement, as if he could read her doubtful mind. “You might even like looking back on the look when you're older.” he mused. 

“Hm,” Lenin contemplated the outfit. It occurred to Harry that it would probably be an appropriate time to let her go, but he just didn’t want to. Everything was telling him otherwise. She had her favorite perfume on- which had become his favorite some time ago as well, her hair smelled of honey. Even her suit of soft velvet, begging to be caressed. Lest not forget the way she was leaned into him. “You look good too, Har.” He looked up to meet her gaze in the mirror. She bit back a bashful smile, her cheeks were stained a beautiful pink. 

“We look good together.” he commented, leaning down to rest his chin on her shoulder. He had an almost overwhelming desire to kiss away her concern, so close to her, but he couldn't. Because they were just friends. “Why won’t you let me take you out again?” 

 She tried playing off his question with a laugh, which only irritated Harry. “Don’t be silly.” Like it was so preposterous. She wriggled away from him and fled the closet. 

He tried not to get too offended at her dismissal of the proposition and followed her back into the bedroom. “Why is it silly?” That definitely wasn’t the way he wished for Lenin to view the prospect.

Lenin stood by her dresser on the other side of the room, busying herself with a necklace, head cast down as she blindly struggled with the clasp behind her neck. “Harry…” He knew that tone, she was still trying to shut him down. Her condescension towards the matter was beginning to wear on him. 

“Why is it silly?” Harry was once again behind her. He took the tiny clasp from her hands and with a little concentration made quick work of it, “Why is even the idea of us together such a terrible one?” 

“It’s not terrible.” She stepped away from him and fixed her hair. “You want to have this conversation now?” It was moments away from when they were meant to be leaving, admittedly not opportune. As if on cue, Lenin’s phone rang, presumably having to do with the car service she had ordered earlier. She ran into the closet and came back out not a moment later with flats on and a pair of red bottomed heels in hand, “We need to go.”

There was never going to be a good time for it, now was as good a time as any. “I just want an answer.” he trailed behind her down the hall. “We get on well, we have fun when we’re together, we looking fucking good together, I quite fancy you, and I know you like me too. So why?” 

“I do like you, Harry.” she insisted. “We’re just at different stages in our lives.” she tried. They were of the same age, had both attained a certain level of success, and both seemed interested in committing more to their respective personal lives. They were perfect for each other on paper, even better in person, Harry thought. He honestly couldn’t see her point, why she was so against the idea of them as a couple. If he could just understand, the ‘no’ would be easier to take.

Lenin seemed to sense his displeasure. She stopped what she was doing and made her way over to where he sat on the bed. She stood before him and he parted his legs for her. She stepped into the newly unoccupied space. He wasted no time wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her closer to him. “Harry…” she reached out to caress his cheek, he leaned into her touch. “I…” It wasn’t often he found Lenin at a loss. He patiently waited for her to continue, “I couldn’t possibly keep up with you.” She was being maddeningly vague again, though from the context clues he could take venture an educated guess. She wasn’t referring to his touring schedule. 

“Do I get a say in the matter?” Harry interjected.

Lenin thought about it for a moment, “What do you say?” she asked skeptically, as if she didn’t like it she would just as easily disregard it. 

“I say, ‘you’re thinking too much again.’” 

“I can’t be- I’m not-“

“I’m not asking you to.” Harry insisted. “But I want this. I want you.” he laid his head against her middle. She combed her fingers through his hair, tipping his head back with it, “Let me just have a night to show you what it might be like, together, just one night… Tonight.” It was a great opportunity but her silence spoke volumes. “It won’t be that different than usual.” They already operated as such a couple when they were together, the only thing missing was the title.

Another ping from her phone. “Fine, as long as we can leave now.” Lenin checked her phone, “Please, Harry.” she held a hand out to him waiting in the doorway.

A/N: Inspired by Zendaya’s bomb ass outfit, here. Feedback please!

[robininthelabyrinth]

(3) Hashirama mentions that Tobirama has a hard time understanding social interactions, how about something where Tobirama encourages someone else’s attention without meaning to? Is it obvious this is leading up to another Tobirama gets punished scene? Lol I’m curious if Madara will be more into it now. Or maybe Hashirama can use this as an opportunity to get Madara to see Tobirama *needs* punishments? (Up to you what happens to the poor man interested in Tobirama)

And here is a short list of things I’d love to see (or see more), in whatever context works for you: Tobirama getting spanked + figging

—–

Tear Into Your Soul - Chapter 7 (ao3 link)

In Tobirama’s defense, he wasn’t actually listening to what the man was saying.

(It’s not that he thinks that defense is going to help him any now, but really, truly, he wasn’t.)

It’d been an extremely long day of negotiations by that point, and between Hashirama’s smiling inability to take no for an answer and Madara’s hot temper and paranoia, the vast bulk of negotiating the details of the treaty governing the joining of the village by what has got to be Fire Country’s most punctilious clan inevitably fell on Tobirama and Izuna.

If Tobirama never sees another Hyuuga again, it would probably be too soon, but horribly enough they still have another two days of negotiations to go.

In the interests of preserving their respective sanities, Tobirama reached an agreement with Izuna that they would swap off attendance at the parties that were being held each night (the parties were a crucial part of negotiations, designed to show off Konoha’s wealth and strength, but also incredibly exhausting when you also needed to review that day’s adjustments to the treaty with a fine-toothed comb to make sure Hashirama hasn’t given away a mountain again). Tonight was Tobirama’s night, much to his displeasure; when Izuna picked which days he wanted to attend, he’d clearly calculated in advance for the fact that it would be a festival night, and thus the party five times as large.

And, when Tobirama complained, Izuna had smugly pointed out that it still made sense to do it the way he’d suggested, as he had a special someone that he wanted to spend the festival with and Tobirama did not.

Which – fine. Whatever.

(Given how universally terrible his reputation in the village seems to be, apparently no matter what he does, Tobirama recently started strongly encouraging the perception that Hashirama and Madara were in a quasi-secret relationship with each other alone, ensuring that the rumor mill took him out of the equation. So, really, it isn’t a surprise that Izuna thinks so, too, even though Tobirama might’ve hoped that Madara would at least have told his brother about him. But it’s fine, really; by now Tobirama really should’ve gotten used to being too unimportant to mention.)

Tobirama comforted himself privately with the knowledge that it wasn’t like Madara and Hashirama weren’t going to be stuck at the party too, anyway, so he’d still be able to spend the festival with them.

As it happened, however, while they were both in attendance at the party, Hashirama somehow manage to goad both Madara and the Hyuuga clan head into a drinking contest, leading to Tobirama avoiding the whole lot of them.

That’s probably how he ended lurking in the corner, politely not-listening as Hyuuga Gorou, a large looming sort of Hyuuga with a round face, rambled on about something or another.

The conversation definitely started with comments regarding on that day’s negotiations, he remembers that much; Gorou had some minor ministerial role helping manage Hyuuga finances and clearly thought of himself as rather important, which Tobirama might’ve been more likely to believe if not for the Caged Bird seal on his forehead, when everyone knew the important decisions were made by the main family.

That seal ended up being the crux of the problem, in fact: Tobirama’d never gotten a chance to examine the Caged Bird at any length, but with Gorou standing quite so close and having already drunk several cups of sake already, dulling his senses, it didn’t seem like that big a deal to sneak some glances at the seal once every few moments to try to figure more of it out.

This, as he was later informed, was a Mistake.

Seriously, how was Tobirama supposed to guess that Gorou’s meandering conversation, which had eventually landed on the Hyuuga clan’s preference for brides who were demure and obedient and quiet and not frivolous, was referring to him?!

It’s entirely not his fault that Gorou had apparently interpreted his tendency not to look people in the eye as shyness, which it most certainly wasn’t, and his practice of whispering suggestions (and reprimands) to Hashirama as meekness, which it definitely wasn’t, and…okay, Tobirama is in fact fairly quiet and not frivolous, but the rest of it was clearly beyond ridiculous. But apparently Gorou then compounded his mistake by misinterpreting Tobriama’s occasional sidelong glances up at Gorou’s forehead as flirtation, of all things.

And anyway, even if he had been flirting, which he wasn’t, there was certainly no call for Gorou to try to grab him in for a kiss!

Tobirama had a kunai at the man’s throat before he could blink – he’s a shinobi! you don’t suddenly grab shinobi! everyone knows that! – but Gorou just laughed and said something about a bit of feistiness being good in the preliminary stages and next thing Tobirama knew he was shoving the man back onto the floor so he wouldn’t get roasted by Madara’s signature katon attack.

“Madara!” Tobirama hissed, turning to glare. “Stop attacking! He’s a guest.”

Madara’s eyes are hazy with drink but his face is very clearly filled with inexplicable rage, and he opens his mouth to say something when Hashirama cuts in between them with a laugh and a “Oh, well now, it’s clearly time to go to sleep, don’t you think? Tobirama, help me take Madara back home before he causes any more trouble – my apologies for interrupting your evening, Gorou-san –”

Gorou spluttered a bit in response, but Tobirama, pleased by the excuse to exit the party, had quickly agreed.

If Tobirama had known what was in store for him, maybe he wouldn’t have so readily agreed.

“I wasn’t flirting!” he protests again, tugging at the restraints that had sprung up around him the second he’d walked through the door of their bedroom. Mokuton, of course, pulling him down onto his knees until he’s looking up at the two of them. “I didn’t even notice he was interested!”

Hashirama shakes his head sadly, like Tobirama isn’t perfectly able to detect his gleefulness underneath. “You shouldn’t lead people on like that, Tobirama. It’s not nice to them, and look at how upset you’ve made Madara.”

Madara does, in fact, seem to be rather upset: he’s pacing the room, muttering angrily to himself as his chakra lashes about the room and glaring occasionally at Tobirama.

He’s also very clearly as drunk as a skunk.

“How much did you make him drink?” Tobirama asks Hashirama, though he keeps his eyes focused on Madara - somehow doing that seems to reduce the number of glares and reduce the incoherent mumbling.

“I didn’t make him do anything,” Hashirama sniffs. “He agreed to that drinking contest all on his own…he won, by the way.”

“Good,” Tobirama says, because it is. They want to be friendly, not show weakness, and that extends to the little things like drinking contests.

“‘course I won,” Madara interrupts at that point, his voice slurring. “Stupid Hyuuga, thinkin’ their dojutsu’s better - think they can take our place - take what’s ours -”

“Horrible,” Hashirama agrees solemnly. “What terrible people they are.”

“Anija, stop encouraging him.”

Hashirama predictably ignores him. “Still, the blame’s not just on their side,” he tells Madara. “I’m going to have to punish Tobirama for flirting like that.”

Tobirama sighs, while Madara nods seriously as if he actually thinks Tobirama did something wrong.

Given that Madara normally objects to Hashirama’s punishments, at least in the beginning, it’s pretty clear that he is, indeed, incredibly drunk right now.

“Of course,” Hashirama says thoughtfully, and that’s when Tobirama gets nervous. “If you like, you could punish him instead..?”

“Me?” Madara asks, looking comically taken aback by the suggestion.

“Of course you. Don’t you want to show him he’s yours, and not that awful Hyuuga’s?”

If Tobirama didn’t know it would only make things worse, he’d be glaring at Hashirama right now. He really shouldn’t be encouraging Madara like this. If these negotiations work out, they’re going to have to live with these people!

“Mine,” Madara says. The slurring’s only gotten worse. “Yes, I can - show 'im…”

“Punish him,” Hashirama prompts. He looks so very smug; if it wasn’t for how genuinely fond of them both he so clearly is, it would be intolerable.

Madara nods.

“Are you sure about this?” Tobirama asks warily. Madara’s never taken an active role in punishing him before; it usually makes him uncomfortable to start with before he gets drawn in to Hashirama’s games, yielding to the inescapable force of Hashirama’s will. Taking the lead like this is – different. “Madara -”

“Shut up. You’re mine. Mine. And - and I’m gonna teach you.”

…great.

It’s not that Tobirama objects, necessarily, to Madara being the one to punish him – he suspects Madara will be more merciful than Hashirama usually is, since Madara has yet to develop Hashirama’s immunity to his pouts –but he’s a little worried about how the alcohol will affect this encounter, given how pissy and jealous Madara clearly is right now.

Of course, on the other hand, it is rather nice to hear Madara call him his.

“Hashirama, Hashirama,” Madara says, almost whining. “I need you to get me. Something. A thing. I need it.”

“Oh?” Hashirama inquires, looking amused. “Whisper in my ear.”

Tobirama strains his ears, but can’t hear what Madara says, but whatever it is does make Hashirama laugh.

“Oh, yes,” he says, grinning. “I can get you that. Why don’t you get Tobirama ready first?”

Madara nods, overly serious again in a way that suggests he’s using all of his remaining brain cells to focus on not falling over.

And then Hashirama actually leaves the room, of all ridiculous things, and Madara walks (remarkably steadily) over to Tobirama.

Tobirama opens his mouth to try to inject at least some semblance of reason into the situation, but he’s interrupted with Madara pulls him in for a kiss. It’s soppy and wet, and Tobirama can taste the sake on Madara’s tongue, the other man’s bubbling hot chakra making his skin buzz pleasantly.

Tobirama has no problems with this form of punishment.

Madara starts kissing all over his face, cheeks and neck and jaw, mumbling really quite delightful things like “never giving you up” and “all mine” and “not going anywhere” as he does.

“I wasn’t planning on going anywhere, you idiot,” Tobirama groans, but he lolls his head back so that Madara can get better access to that one spot on his neck he likes. “Even if I did leave – which I wouldn’t – you and Hashirama would immediately come get me back.”

“Damn right we would,” Madara agrees, working off Tobirama’s clothing. It’s taking a while, given that he can’t quite manage buttons with any coherence, but since that in turn means lots of touching and groping and more kisses, Tobirama doesn’t object. “S’why you gotta be shown that you can’t go – go – flirting with people. S’pecially not Hyuuga.”

That damn rivalry. Konoha is going to explode once the Uchiha and Hyuuga are forced to actually live together.

The parent-teacher nights at the academy are going to be particularly gruesome, he just knows it.

“Will it make you feel better if you punish me?” Tobirama asks, feeling deeply fond of Madara right now.

Madara nods, and pulls Tobirama – now naked but for his collar and the flexible bindings Hashirama left behind – over his lap.

Tobirama suspects he’s about to be spanked, and squirms a little to make sure he’s in a proper position to get stimulation to his cock when the strikes come down. It’s the sort of thing Hashirama would remember to make sure he can’t do, but Madara’s drunk and Tobirama’s opportunistic.

He’s also a little curious, to be perfectly honest. He’s watched Hashirama do it to Madara a few times, but Hashirama’s punishments to him haven’t involved spanking yet.

(Though that hasn’t actually saved his ass any. If he didn’t know better, he’d think his brother was secretly getting revenge for being made to do paperwork by making sure that Tobirama can’t sit comfortably while doing his own.)

“Aww, Tobirama, you look so cute like that,” Hashirama coos from where he’s clearly just entered the room. He’s in Tobirama’s blind spot, which is irritating because it makes Tobirama tense up automatically even though it’s his brother; he shouldn’t be nervous around his brother, no matter what. He forces his body to relax.

Naturally, that’s when the first slap comes, making him yelp in surprise.

Hashirama bursts out laughing.

“Great,” Tobirama sighs. “You’re drunk too.”

It’s much harder to tell with Hashirama, since he’s only ever drunk when he chooses to be. Not that many people know it, but Hashirama’s body metabolizes anything – including poisons, as some very unfortunate people have learned – and alcohol is little different. It takes an effort of will for him to remain tipsy, though to Tobirama’s annoyance it is an effort Hashirama engages in on routine basis.

“Of course,” Hashirama says cheerfully. “You don’t think I’d let them get into that drinking contest without some moral support, do you?”

“You don’t need moral support for drinking – ”

He manages not to yelp this time when Madara spanks him, mostly because he’s a shinobi who is perfectly capable of taking a few hits, even while his brother is being distracting.

If he hadn’t been able to figure that trick out, he would’ve died on his first battlefield.

“Look, Hashi’ama,” Madara rumbles above him. “He’s gone all red.”

He runs a hand lightly over Tobirama’s skin. It feels nice.

“S’pretty…”

“You should do it some more,” Hashirama, who’s never seen a situation he couldn’t make worse, suggests. “Make him really red.”

Tobirama braces himself, but it proves largely unnecessary. Madara’s drunkness is luckily not of the variety that involves subconscious mastery and his strikes, while powerful, are haphazard and fairly predictable, and he doesn’t mind Tobirama rubbing off against his lap with each hit.

(Madara’s chakra is so warm around him, spiking at every hit, pleasure and smug satisfaction radiating outwards, that Tobirama’s cock is glad for the stimulation.)

It’s…not bad, actually. Perhaps it helps that Tobirama was never disciplined like this as a child – his father used other methods to obtain compliance, and his mother never found fault in him – so it’s not as humiliating as it could be.

“Look at you, humping his leg like an over-eager puppy,” Hashirama laughs. “Maybe I should get you a pair of ears and a tail, too.”

Right.

There’s the humiliation.

Tobirama feels his face go red and he tries to stop himself from moving – from grinding down further on Madara’s lap as the man laughs along with Hashirama, putting his warm palm on the stinging part of Tobirama’s thighs and ass – but just as he finally gets a measure of self-control, Madara reaches down and shoves his legs open.

Familiar hands settle on Tobirama’s ankles, keeping him from closing his legs, and Tobirama immediately stops moving obediently. He wishes his brother would get out of his blind spot, or at least start talking more, no matter how embarrassing: he hates displeasing Hashirama more than death, and tracking the ebbs and flows of his chakra tells him only so much without the added benefit of seeing his body language.

A second later Tobirama stops thinking about it, because Madara’s just pushed something into him, something that is most definitely neither his fingers nor his cock, but which also doesn’t feel like one of Hashirama’s Mokuton roots. If anything it…

Smells of ginger?

Tobirama’s main specialty might be creating new jutsus and seals, but everyone always seems to think that that involves waving his hands around until something new happens rather than all the science it actually involves. To do what he does, he needs a solid foundation in physics, biology (especially shinobi-specific), mathematics, earth sciences, and, of course, chemistry.

So he figures out what’s about to happen about half a second before the oils of the peeled ginger start causing a distinct tingling, and then burning, sensation.

“Madara!” he exclaims, then yelps as Madara starts spanking him again.

This time Tobirama starts writhing in earnest, torn between his own instincts: if he tenses up in preparation for the strikes, the burning from the ginger spikes up considerably, but if he forcefully relaxes, the slap hurts much more than when he was ready for it.

Also, Madara’s laughing at him.

Probably because his fingers are clenched on Madara’s thighs and he’s desperately grinding himself into Madara’s lap, his cock hard and dripping. He feels his face flush with humiliation – he’s heard of this, it’s a punishment for disobedient children, isn’t it, and of course a katon clan would focus on the feeling of fire for punishment – but it’s not even that, not really, and it’s not the pain, which is really quite minimal compared to broken bones or other tortures.

It’s –

He doesn’t know how to describe it.

It’s the way Madara keeps saying he’s beautiful in that soft drunken slur, telling Hashirama to look at him, the warm feeling of approval in his too-hot chakra and how it’s reflected in his brother’s too-bright-too-green one; it’s the way Tobirama could escape if he wanted to, he’s a shinobi, but he won’t because he doesn’t want to, even when it’s uncomfortable and painful, because this is important to him, letting Madara do with him as he liked is important to him – not as important as deferring to Hashirama is, no, nothing can be, but it’s almost the same feeling.

Submission. Belonging.

“He’s so good for you, Madara,” Hashirama says fondly, and Tobirama can imagine the expression of approval on his face. “Look at how beautifully he suffers; how can you not want to punish him? How can you not want to keep him?”

Tobirama whines.

Madara puts his free hand on Tobirama’s neck, warm and bracing even through the collar. “Have you learned your lesson?” he asks, even as he keeps alternating spanks and long, tender strokes that vaguely remind Tobirama of how Madara likes to pet stray dogs or his hawks or whatever. “Are you going to stay mine now?”

“Yours,” Tobirama agrees. “Yours, yes, yours – can I come now?”

Hashirama laughs again. “And I’m not even restraining him,” he says, sounding pleased. Even pleasantly surprised, which is wonderful; Tobirama loves nothing more than to surprise his brother with something that makes him happy. “Oh, very good, Tobirama; I approve. It’s only right that you should ask for permission first. What a good boy you are.”

Tobirama nods, feeling a little drunk himself – the adrenaline high of trusting someone as dangerous as Madara with his body, the feeling of burning that reminds him a bit of the man himself, the endorphins of the blows…and, yes, the wonderful way it feels to know that he’s theirs and they’re his, that even if Izuna has his own special somebody that Tobirama does too, that he got to spend the festival with them anyway even if it wasn’t quite what he’d imagined.

(Yes, he’s a spiteful and overly competitive soul, but at least he knows it.)

“Yes,” Madara says, voice low and hot. “Yes, Tobirama, come for me. Now.”

And he puts a hand down under Tobirama, wrapping it around his cock to give it a few strokes, and that’s all the stimulation Tobirama needs, embarrassingly little, before he comes.

It’s only afterwards, when he feels all hazy and floaty, does he realize what a mess he’s made of Madara’s formal pants.

“Shh, shh, it’s all right,” Hashirama says, petting Tobirama’s head, which has somehow ended up in Hashirama’s lap. “Don’t worry about it. He always gets like this, you know – he was made responsible for laundry as a child, what with his suiton skills, and the last thing you want is for him to try to pull liquid out of your clothing while he’s not concentrating; he has a tendency to miss.”

Tobirama thinks that last part was aimed at Madara rather than him. It makes sense from context, but it takes him a few seconds of puzzling to figure out who Hashirama is talking about, and that probably means he shouldn’t be doing suiton.

Even though he hasn’t missed in ages, and anyway it’s not as if Hashirama wasn’t fine afterwards. The only thing seriously injured was his vanity.

(It’d been kind of funny, actually, what the sudden infusion and removal of water does to hair.)

Still, there’s no point in arguing the point now – he’s been so tired and stressed about this negotiation, given how wealthy and influential the Hyuuga are and how including them increases the likelihood of their village being formally recognized by the daimyo significantly, and now he’s relaxed and Madara is warm and cuddling up against him, so clearly the right thing to do is just go to sleep and worry about laundry and clean-up later.

He returns to consciousness slowly when he hears birds, which suggests that it’s very early morning, and Madara is speaking quietly over his head.

“– it’s not that I disagree with your methods, entirely,” he’s saying. “I mean, the fact that you’re brothers is still…nevermind. It’s just – I don’t know. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Why not? He liked it.” That’s Hashirama, using the practical and reasonable tone of voice he uses when he’s steamrolling someone into something without letting on that’s what he’s doing. “You’re my best friend, Madara. I like sharing him with you. And that means he’s yours, too.”

Madara’s chakra shivers with pleasure.

“Yours to keep,” Hashirama purrs. “Yours to punish, yours to reward…I don’t know why you object so much.”

“Relationships aren’t about punishment,” Madara says, but it’s weak. He’s already half convinced, Tobirama can hear it. “Normal ones, that is.”

Hashirama snorts. “How would you know? Seen many of those?”

Madara somehow makes the ensuing silence sound somehow sulky.

“Don’t worry so much about what’s normal,” Hashirama says. “It feels good, doesn’t it? Just enjoy it. I’ll take care of the rest. I’ll always take care of you both, you know that.”

“I worry when you say things like that,” Madara grumbles, but he settles back down along Tobirama. A moment or two later, he asks, “Do you think he…? I know I was drunk, and I’m terrible at saying – but sometimes I think he thinks he’s – second best.”

“Something keeps making him think that,” Hashirama says, and there’s a strange edge of steel in his voice. “I don’t know what, or who, but I won’t abide it. I’ll tear the ill-will out from our village by the root if I have to.”

“I’ll be right beside you,” Madara promises, his voice equally hard. “I’ve heard it, too, but I can’t trace it, can’t track it…”

Tobirama thinks they’re talking about him, though he is second-best, he has to be, when the village he works so hard for so clearly hates him. He knows the two of them love him, of course – or at least that Hashirama does, and that Madara is fond of him too, as he can see from the way the man fights for him when there’s no need for it, but Tobirama would never allow the village to stain their reputations with whatever toxicity he carries within himself.

Though – the way they speak of ill-will, it’s as if they think it’s something alive, something malevolent.

He doesn’t know what they mean by that; there’s nothing like that, surely.

Oh, he supposes that Hashirama has been getting techy again about the village disliking him the way his clan always has – all those rumors in the village about him, about how cold and heartless and terrible he is – and, yes, to be sure, the rumors are worse than ever before, and it seems like nothing he can do will raise his standing a single jot, but that can’t be what they’re talking about.

After all, what benefit would anyone get from trying to isolate him like that?

(If he didn’t know better, he would almost suspect Hashirama of providing his village with a convenient scapegoat to get out their anger on, but that’s obviously impossible. Hashirama would never willingly let anyone speak ill of something that belonged to him.)

“Be patient,” Hashirama says. People don’t think he’s good at patience, because he’s so boisterous, but Hashirama can keep pieces in reserve for years before playing them. He’s got the patience of the trees, and they think in terms of decades, even centuries. “Give it time.”

“But…”

“Give it time.” A spike of amusement in Hashirama’s chakra. “In the meantime, we can keep punishing him until he’s certain of our affection.”

Tobirama mentally rolls his eyes. He knows what Hashirama’s doing, even if Madara doesn’t – tying Madara to them both with guilt and love and responsibility, making him feel the obligation of staying not just because he’s needed but because he’s jealous of the power he’s been given, Hashirama skillfully turning pleasure and punishment both into chains that Madara will never break no matter how or if he tries to run.

Madara still thinks there might be away out, after all. He hasn’t yet figured out that there isn’t.

No way out…

Tobirama suddenly sits straight up, shaking both Madara and Hashirama off of him. “The negotiations!” he blurts out. “The Hyuuga joining the village! I’m going to be late!”

“Tobirama –” Hashirama starts, then yelps when Tobirama grabs him by the ear and shakes him, even though he knows Hashirama will find a way to take it out of him later. Paperwork and administration have always been Tobirama’s domain, unquestionably, and even if it’s only because Hashirama doesn’t care for them, he has never challenged Tobirama’s mastery there.

“Get dressed this instant! You’re the Hokage, you can’t be seen as lazing around! The Hyuuga value punctuality as an important measure of respect; we will be mortally offending them if we are not prepared in time! Madara –”

“I’m going, I’m going!” Madara shouts, holding his hands out in front of him. “I’ll be bathed and dressed in minutes, just don’t hit me with a water dragon again!”

It was one time. Also, that water gout was barely the size of a small goat; Tobirama has hit Madara with far worse in their occasional sparring sessions.

Besides, there’s no way he’s trusting Uchiha what’s-the-point-in-a-bath-that-takes-less-than-an-hour Madara with getting himself ready in time.

Tobirama readies the jutsu.

Madara tries to run.

(It’s as futile as any attempt to run from a Senju is, and Tobirama’s sure if he tried he could think of some metaphor for how Madara was slowed down by tripping over their tangled bedsheets.)

With some (significant) effort, Tobirama manages to get them put together and presentable in time for the first meeting of the day.

And if the means he uses to do so cause rumors to start up again later that day, rumors about him being tyrannical and overbearing, filled with arrogance and harshness and nothing but spite, almost reptilian in his condescending disdain, accompanied by reports that his brother and his lover had been seen together whispering that something had to be done about his cruelty –

Whatever.

If that’s the price Tobirama has to pay for his brother’s happiness, for the village Hashirama and Madara dreamed of together, then he’ll pay it gladly.

[shootingstarbit]

so i didn’t really know where to put this sort of venty-thingamabob, since i don’t really have friends i feel like i can talk to about my personal bs, therefore it is going on the tumblarb, where it shall be lost to time! hooray!!

...anyway, earlier this year i was diagnosed with high-functioning autism/asperger’s, and while having this diagnosis has been very helpful in putting a large part of my life into context, i almost feel more isolated than ever knowing i’ll never be like most of my family/peers... i know that’s a thing i’m supposed to celebrate, but i’m having trouble doing so. 

my mom (i’m a 15 yo cis female living w/ my parents, for context) has been my rock throughout all of this, and has done a bunch of research on the subject to educate herself as well as the rest of my family on my day-to-day struggles, but i’m finding she doesn’t entirely get it either. i’m not blaming her, obviously, it can be hard to understand something you can’t experience, but more and more often i feel like i’m being treated more like a specimen to be scientifically observed than her daughter... she’s trying her best, and i love her for that, but things are just different now.

the reason i bring this up is because i’m having trouble dealing w/ a little... not “fight,” per say, not even a disagreement... maybe divide we’re dealing with right now? like most autistic people i have my fair share of hyperfixations that crowd my brain... i’m super into animation, it’s what i want to do in life, and i often find myself rambling about the plots of disney movies to people who have already seen them/know them/don’t actually care, talking about the little intricacies of them, what i’d change about them to make them better, how i just generally love them so much... which brings us to right now.

mom and i were on our traditional sunday dogwalk in the park, and we were talking about the current events of the world, bringing us to the whole controversy of casting halle bailey as ariel in the live action remake of disney’s the little mermaid (we both think it’s fine, if you were wondering). from that i went off about the original 1989 movie, how i loved the animation, loved the music, loved the character designs and voice acting, etc. etc.. mom listened to me for the most part, but became less and less receptive as the conversation went on, something i should’ve picked up on in the moment. the (frankly one-sided) conversation lasted all the way back home, to where we were sitting on the couch and she was on her phone, another sign she wasn’t really interested. i was deep into my analysis of why the 2008 prequel, ariel’s beginning, is CLEARLY inferior to the original film, as it contradicts many aspects of the characterization of characters like triton and even ariel herself, and blah, blah, blah, blah, when she interrupted me and told me i should go upstairs and tell my dad we were home because he needed the car. i made a joke about how she was just saying that because she was bored of the conversation, and her response was along the lines of “yeah, kinda.”

i get why. i’m not mad at her. i know she can’t cater to my every whim, it would be unfair of me to expect that. i guess it’s just that i really don’t have anyone else to talk about this stuff with, and for so long she was my go-to whenever i needed to vent, which isn’t being a good friend, i realize that. i feel bad about that. i just feel bad in general. she’s tried to apologize, which i can appreciate, she’s done so much for me that i am eternally grateful for, but i’m so hung up on this now. i feel like i’ve lost something. i know i’m in the wrong but i’m just hurting inside right now. i don’t hate her, i never will, but i’m starting to feel like a stranger in my own home.

i don’t know what i expect to come out of this post... i guess writing out my thoughts makes me feel a little better. maybe if anyone in a similar situation has advice/support, they’d offer it? i’ll get over it, obviously, i usually do. it’s far from the end of the world... but i guess i’d like to feel a little less alone.

[asleepinawell]

My girlfriend finished watching POI and she said something about how she still doesn't know Root. To her a lot of what Root did or didn't do was as the machine interface and so much of her time on the show was spent as the machine's analogue interface that while she has an idea of who Root is as a character she still doesn't know about her. I was hoping you could share somethings about Root that maybe neither of us noticed?

(this is kind of rambly and i could go on about it even more but it got unfortunately long. oops)

I mean, I think being TM’s analogue interface doesn’t eclipse who Root is at all. Especially since it’s something she wanted and fully embraces. Like that in itself says a lot about her especially when you look at it in context to the rest of her life.

The role doesn’t necessarily mask who Root is, which I think is partly by TM’s design (see root’s line about ‘she likes it when i figure it out myself’). TM is her boss when they start, and that turns more into a partnership as they go. TM gives her a purpose, which is something she desperately wanted (she went catatonic at the end of god mode when she couldn’t find TM), but even when she is working for TM it doesn’t mean she isn’t acting or thinking for herself. There are two cases of TM actually projecting herself onto Root that come to mind (aletheia with control, and the cold war with samaritan), but in most instances Root is still Root (I’m excluding combat-only god mode because that’s combat which is a little different). TM may give her instructions (go here, do this, stop killing everyone ffs), but Root isn’t a mindless drone. She is on stricter orders at the start because of the whole killing people thing.

What makes it harder to get a sense of who she is isn’t TM so much as it is Root herself. Root is very good at pretending to be other people, at putting up a front, at hiding parts of herself. Otoh, she has all these huge, sweeping emotions that she usually keeps locked up and ignored but that come out more and more over the course of the show. You see them most around Shaw and TM, and they come out with tidal wave force when either of them are in danger.

I think it’s also worth noting that TM can’t really talk to Root regularly in s4. Root is mostly operating on her own. But even if that weren’t the case, it’s important to remember that TM firmly believes in free will. It’s one of the major differences between her and samaritan. She takes more of an active role in Root’s actions in early season 3 because Root wants and needs that at the time, but it slowly turns into a partnership. Root goes from talking about TM as an infallible god to someone who needs their help and protection. She goes from trying to lose herself in her cause for TM to learning how to exist on her own as a person while still working with TM. 

Root may be the analogue interface but that’s because she wants to be and that is part of who Root is. Root loathed people from her childhood, felt disconnected from them, and felt they were weak and worthless. Computers are her refuge from that. (“When I was a kid, computers made more sense to me than people.”). But Root is deeply lonely in her life (it shows in a number of little scenes across the entire show and even gets stated near the end) and TM is not only someone Root sees as a god and a purpose, but someone who she desperately wants as a friend. A friend who isn’t human but who cares for her and listens to her. And the reason Root does throw so much of herself into protecting TM, isn’t because TM demands it, but because Root genuinely want to help and protect her. TM didn’t force Root to care about her.

There are also plenty of things outside of Root’s relationship with TM that give a sense of who she is. A lot of her interactions with Shaw, obviously. The little things like her black nailpolish and how she decorates her room in the subway. She doesn’t stop being a misanthrope or condescending through working for TM (she mostly just stops murdering quite so many people). She has all her very child-like qualities, and all her extreme emotions, and her incredible will and perseverance. She’s brilliant and cocky and also self-deprecating and can both make incredibly well-thought-out long cons and really fucking dumb rushing-head-first-into-trouble plans. These are all things that help define her. TM may value her for these things and enable her to use them in their missions, but TM is not responsible for them. What TM is responsible for is nudging her in the right direction to help her find people who care about her and who she can care about in return. But Root doesn’t care about the team because TM told her to. TM just gave her a little push. 

I can keep going for like several thousand more words, so I’m going to cut myself off here. tl;dr: almost all of root’s actions are a statement of who she is and not her being masked by TM.

[dozer-moved]

this is a dumb post you can skip it if you want.

hey i’m finally gonna do this.  i’m gonna fully gush about my favorite piece of art of all time.  something that has permanently left a mark on me in the best way.  if you actually do read this like, like it because i want to know who’s reading me ramble for this long.  the whole post is under the cut so if you don’t want to, just scroll right past and don’t in.teract please!

okay so i’ve been sitting here slowly tearing up as everything in the last chapter of my life has been swirling around me in a cacophony so i’d thought i’d put my thoughts down in a positive way by associating things with my absolute favorite body of work any musician has ever put out, gush about it, and also kinda be a little bit more personal for once.

forgive me for never shutting up about this album but it’s Dearest Everybody by Inara George.

now like for a bit of context, i’d never been a fan of folk music or it’s peer genres for quite a while.  it’s always been too slow and structureless and overall just felt like a giant sappy waste of time.  i’d gotten into Inara’s work with her band The Bird and the Bee in between the months of january and like, march or april (which is very pop) so I wasn’t expecting her solo work to be folk-y, piano pop with a bit of country influences.  that being said, this album won my heart so quickly and has slowly just become the no contest de facto winner of the “what’s my favorite album of all time” challenge that i haven’t been very quiet about how much i like this album.

as long as we’re being honest i feel stupid for liking this enough to even make this post let alone talk about it to other people.  i don’t know.  i’m not a big fan of sharing my interests with others, as they’ve been used to ridicule me or been “ruined” for me in the past, so i tend to keep to myself.

this album is special to me tho.  in so many ways.

i’ll just do a full breakdown track by track?

1. Young Adult.  so this track is the intro, and it starts off with this welcoming chord and syncopated bass.  immediately the lyrics paint a picture of a young person knowing they want to follow their gut and do what they think they should, no matter what it is.  in the context of the lyrics, it’s following Inara’s father and becoming a musician, but i like to think of it as just being general and applicable to anyone?  the chorus and second verse talk about young adult’s cynicism, depression and sarcastic nature while also showing their curiosity and natural drive, whether right or wrong, on the “what do i know?  what do i know?  i know i want to see where this thing will go” line.  i love all of this because it’s highkey relatable!  i’m turning 20 this year and i’m not going to lie, a lot of this hits so close to home.  i love the almost stubborn nature of the aforementioned “i know i want to see where this thing will go” line, it has this “i’ll show you” type of demeanor about it and i think it just works into the idea of a young adult trying to show that they’re independent and know what’s right for them.  the whole song swells as it goes on and all the layers are so simple, yet add so much.

2. Crazy.  this song is a lot more personal to Inara, and while i have official confirmation of what the song is about, i won’t be sharing it, at least unprompted, out of respect for her.  the song has this very, uneven walk about it?  i love the opening lyrics about grass coming up to your knees, and everyone stopping visiting.  i’m highkey almost a hermit myself, and these lyrics are very me.  the whole song is about loving someone and putting all your energy into them, so much so that you go crazy.  i can’t exactly relate to this feeling as it is, but i love how the chorus soars.  the background ambiance on this track is also amazing, it adds so much to the immersion of like, walking around in the tall grass.  this whole album sounds and paints images as clear as photographs, you can get every single detail out of the soundscape, and it sends chills down my spine every time.  i love Inara’s little vocal chime bits?  especially when they echo off-beat and just add to the immersion.  the whole song has this atmosphere i can’t get enough of, it’s stunning.  i love the ending eerie, almost croaking cello.  so perfect.

3. Somewhere New.  this song starts off with these beautiful vocal melodies, and immediately the vibe has perked up.  i absolutely love all the little horn touches on this track.  the amount of care that went into the production on these tracks is insane.  when Inara gets into the “live it up” part, i love how the sound becomes almost waltz-like?  it becomes soaring, and airborne, and yet still has so much movement.  i love the clapping and the reintroduction of the vocal riff after the chorus too.  it makes the whole song have this liveliness about it, i can’t get enough.  the lyrics go into this innate, unwavering, unavoidable desire to go somewhere new.  i keep making this about me but i legitimately relate so much.  there have been a lot of times i’ve almost just walked out of my house, leaving everything behind to just, explore and find something new.  it feels like an inherent desire sometimes, that you can’t avoid.  the end of the track has these squeaking metallic noises and i love them for unexplainable reasons.

4. Take Me to Paris.  this song is so, so intimate and minimalist.  the simple 6th harmonies, the minor cadence before the next section.  i love Inara’s vocal runs before the final parts of the verses.  and the “run naked through the streets” part.  the whole song is so small, so spacey, and yet so warm and tender.  each part of this track just compliments the others so much and it climaxes in the most calm way with the “and make you love me even more than you do” parts.  the whole song just is this incredibly effective, simple composition and structure, and yet it works so well.  the chord progressions are so amazing here too.  i absolutely love the way it almost feels like the song pans up to the sky with each section ending.  you get this immense feeling of vastness but it’s so close and personal that it feels yours.  this track originally flew over my head but each time i relisten to it, it just reinforces how special it is.

5. A Bridge.  an entirely acapella track!  this track is, in my opinion, the least accessible.  the structure and lack of production can be a bit off-putting, but i still love it.  i feel like this is the moment where the “paris” mentioned previously falls away, where it’s just Inara and the person she’s speaking to in these tracks, the pure intimacy of it all shines through so well.  i really love the backing vocals texture in this track.  like honestly i didn’t even notice it was all acapella during my first time listening to it.  i was too busy listening to Inara and the vocals covered the bases they had to.  i love the vocalization in the “you open up to anything... will you tell me?”, it feels so fitting and i can’t put into words how it sounds to me.

6. Slow Dance.  the album picks up again!  this track was one of my first favorites from this, and for good reason!  i love the themes across this album of identity, change and looking back on yourself.  the sound of this song honestly makes me feel like you’re flying down a dirt road, or on a cargo train or something.  i love how the chorus suspends around the opening and then swirls around Inara’s vocals and create this immense motion around it all.  i haven’t been talking about the lyrics much, have i?  sorry omg i’m really bad at this.  i love the little chord changes at the end of the chorus too.  like honestly this whole album is so good compositionally, production-wise AND lyrically, it’s really hard for me to put my thoughts together about everything.  i really love the “the end is the beginning” lyrics, it feels like it’s a new start, and that’s because it is.  OH YEAH i love the “though they say youth is wasted on the young, we never could have lasted through those nights, through streets and stars, knowing what we know now” part.  it can be so shocking to look back on what you used to say and do and act and EXIST in, and believe you did and had no problem with it.  they say hindsight is 20/20, but i think this song is about acknowledging the fact you can’t change the past, and doing what you can while you still have the time to.

7. All for All.  this track is really hard for me to put into words.  i love it just the same as the rest, but my feelings on it are really hard to put together.  i always interpolate the lyrics of standing with the sun on my face, and your words in my mind into the next track, and the sound feels like a lighter, more bouncy version of slow dance.  it’s a really good transition between the two but in all honesty it can be hard to parse this one from either of them, but that’s more on me for how i remember the tracks, rather than for how they were designed.  Inara’s explanation of what this track meant was also very eye opening, i won’t reveal it again out of privacy respect but i definitely did not get the intended meaning from it, and it made a lot more of the lyrics that i thought were random mean something more.  i honestly realize as i’m typing this that this song is the old soul manifested in slow dance, looking back on its life.  the song is about death, and i realize that now all for all is perhaps acknowledging how it’s time won’t last forever, and that’s why it goes into the next track.

8. Release Me.  okay full disclosure, i really didn’t like this track at first.  the verses were fine but the choruses always felt really cheesy and like, basic and they didn’t mesh with me at all.  BUT, then i had a personal experience with this song.  i’ve been writing to the tracks playing on loop this whole time, but i haven’t even started this song yet because i know i’m gonna tear up if i tell this story while it’s playing.  the lyrics in the middle of the song (verse 2 onward) speak about wanting to be free of a ghost of someone, free of the past, free of what’s holding you back from living your life and being in a world that’s calling you out into the wide open experience.  this, as people close to me know, hits super close to home.  i’ve spent the last several years quite literally fighting to get haunting memories and lingering fragments of other people out of my psyche, and 2018 is the year i finally started doing it.  i was standing on the beach last month, and while i was standing there, i couldn’t help but mouth the lines “now i wanna be the writer of this song, and a love, not just a longing, in a world that is just calling me to be free.”  perhaps this doesn’t mean much to anyone else, but as someone who’s spent the last 2 or so years basically fighting for my sanity, my safety and my ability to trust people again, being able to finally look up, without the weights holding you down, it can be a pretty moving experience.  there’s a whole story as to who and why and what went down to cause me to be like this, but all you need to know is that... perhaps even though these last few years have been a hell for me, that i’ve started looking upwards, i made it through the darkest part of the storm, and i can tough out the rest.  that’s why this song means so much to me.  i almost started crying earlier because i tried to explain it to a friend and i couldn’t put it into words right.  it’s the entire reason i started doing this analysis.  i wanted to put down why i love this work so much, how it changed me personally, and what it means to me.  so here the fuck i am.  as for the song itself?  the production is simple yet efficient, the lyrics are great.  i love the lines about being forever loving of someone, but not being able to forgive them for leaving you for so long.  i also really love the lines about “some people don’t believe us, the things that have been spoken, would leave anyone heartbroken.”  i’m not going to explain why but it’s a bit personal, all you need to know.  i really like the vocal melody and the part “i’ve been the best, at doing the best that i can” because, i’ve been fighting and almost giving up for so long, and only just now am i getting a footing.  the organ embellishments here are also super fucking good.  the bridge is also heavenly.  ok i’ll shut up now.

9. Stars.  this track i still don’t quite completely understand.  i love the vocal melody and simple production, the strings work so effectively.  i love the line “be brave now, who will i be in the end?”  it’ so effectively gets across a concept that not many people ever will have to face.  “you know there’s no walking away now” you can’t walk away from a changing self.  i honestly think the song is a bit of a reflection on not only the person listening’s self, but how people become and change as a whole.  the unifying experience of changing and growing and becoming someone new, without ever realizing it.  nihilism, sonder, all existential concepts about how not only we experience ourselves, but how everyone else experiences themselves too.  the waltz rhythms all over this track, while simple, really work to this tracks advantage.  the whole thing has this motion to it, i don’t think it would’ve in 4/4.  it’s a track that manages to stay still and spin so much at the same time.  mesmerizing.

10. Tusker 4.  this and the next track are the first 2 songs i really got into on this record, and they’re both fantastic.  i love the opening riff. the weird chord structure.  the vocal background textures.  i love the lyrics about all the things the subject has, from so much love, to car keys, to piles of dirt, to feelings hurt.  it has this immense motion about it again, much like slow dance.  this album doesn’t really let you sit still.  even on tracks like stars, you can feel the world spinning still.  the high background noises on this track add so much to the track while being barely audible, it’s so nice.  the vocal backgrounding on “little hands / big demands / things i don’t need” is so nice.  the chorus here soars again, this time like you’re holding hands with someone.  spinning them around, so much love to give, so you do.   i love the melodic minor esque chord structure with the majors on the upswings, minors on the downswings.  it gives this all a very otherworldly vibe, and yet it still feels like it takes place in your backyard.

11. House on Valentine.  favorite track.  hands down.  the brass here makes this song so much.  i love the way how it’s organize and sounds.  the lyrics are so nice.  this song is everything i ever wanted.  i won’t lie, even without the intended meaning, this song still works so well.  you can get vibes of personal growth, change, being afraid of the unknown, and yet still brave to jump into it.  moving on from someone, saying goodbye, goodnight for infinity.  i love how this song sounds so, sub/urban and train-like almost?  the production has this forward motion that you could almost hear a train over, and it feels so well for what it is.  also the part where Inara’s vocals soar and the song is sprung into this perfectly still air, it’s fucking blissful as all hell.  the goodbye choruses at the bridge?  fucking incredible.  everytime i hear that bridge, i get chills and goosebumps, it makes me so incredibly emotional.  goodbye!  goodbye!  goodbye!  it’s so cheery, you can feel the humanity bleeding out of every seam of it.  you know the goodbyes are cheerful, but you know the person behind them is teary eyed and scared, just a bit.  but not enough to stop them.  say goodbye to the house on valentine, say goodnight for infinity.

12. Everybody.  i love this track just the same.  the ending of a perfect album and a flawless trilogy.  the empty sound of it all, it’s after everybody has gone home.  you are left alone with yourself and what we started with.  it almost feels like a sonic parallel to crazy in a way.  i absolutely love the “the space that i have made, the parts that i have played, it doesn’t go away, it doesn’t go away, i’ll never go away.”  it feels like you’re driving out of the town this all took place in, looking back on the places you watched flourish and shine so bright, be so lively, and have so much memory attached to them.  it doesn’t go away.  it leaves you with a name, try to say it once a day.  god i fucking love this song.  it haunts you of everything this album stands for, and everything it represents.  but not in a bad way, it makes sure you remember that you were there for it.  you experienced everybody’s experiences, and even though the curtains of the play have been drawn, everyone said goodbye, it remains.  it sticks with you.  i’ll never go away.

in short, is it clear i love this fucking album now?  i’m not going to review meditation, as it’s a vinyl only track and while, not filler, it’s all instrumental.  i love the fact it’s so ethereal and spacey, it feels like you’re looking out into space the night after you went through all the photographs of everybody.  their experiences will stay with you.  or at least i hope so.

[sayaratyriea]

Why and How you got the wrong Aspect: an analysis!

Okay, everyone’s running around like the anthill’s been kicked over after the Extended Zodiac release. People are complaining that their results aren’t right, that the test has to be wrong, that the aspect characterizations are somehow not totally in line with canon, et cetera and so on and so forth... We have the new descriptions of WHAT the Aspect personalities are, but after hearing no fewer than 4 different people complain (rather specifically) that they got Life when they “should’ve” gotten Blood, I decided to poke through the test in an attempt to decide how the test actually determines this stuff. Because it’s really interesting, and everyone’s done so much intense analysis, and I don’t actually think we were all the way wrong? But I also think that the test is doing a good job at analyzing the things it’s actually asking--the problem is, it’s not asking you what it maybe should be. 

This is all kind of inspired by a text post I saw earlier doing a primary analysis of the test questions--I can’t find that post right now, but if I do track it down I’ll link it. For now, Taz’s interpretation! This is a pretty simple test, really. Each one of the 12 questions corresponds to one pair of Aspects, and is intended to show which one of the two the test taker is inclined towards. The point of this post is to explain (my understanding of) how this test works, and also provide answers as to how you might have gotten an Aspect that you feel doesn’t fit you quite right! There are quite a few ways to get the wrong answers here, even though the canon descriptions of the Aspects seem spot-on and perfect. It’s a fairly well-made system with a somewhat poorly-designed quiz attached. 

This got pretty rambly, so see the readmore for the rest of the post!

First things first: a brief recap of each question, what it asks, and what the results are. 

Question 1 is Breath vs Blood: tldr; do you see yourself as more of a Loner Hero type or a part of a large system of interlocked characters? Loner hero is the Breath answer, and the extended cast is Blood. 

Question 2: The second Breath vs Blood. This time, it’s show or tell. How do you lead and teach people? By inspiring them or by demonstrating? This is a duality that’s often been attributed to active/passive /classes/ in the classpect community, so it’s interesting that it’s being tied to aspects here. Anyways, Breath players show and Blood players inspire by example. 

Question 3: Obviously Light vs Void. Would you rather know everything or be content with knowing that mysteries still exist? Light players want to know, Void players like mystery. Simple stuff. 

Question 4: Another Light vs Void. When someone’s wrong about something, do you correct their errors, or just point out how dubious their information is? Light likes illuminating the truth (heh), and Void would rather cast doubt on the false information. 

Question 5: Time vs Space, very shallow. Time players like time travel, Space players like distance. 

Question 6: The second Time vs Space. Which do you value more, the end results or the journey along the way? Time players value the result, and Space values the journey. 

Question 7: Heart vs Mind. Would you rather know yourself in full detail and intimacy, or have the power to make the most rational decisions? Heart is self, Mind is reason. 

Question 8: Heart vs Mind part 2. Would you rather know your true potential or the consequences to your possible decisions? Heart is potential, Mind is consequences. 

Question 9: Hope vs Rage. Would you rather have firm conviction in your own beliefs, or would you rather cast doubt on the beliefs of those who are wrong? Hope has conviction and Rage is skeptical. 

Question 10: Hope vs Rage #2. When you’re in an awful situation, will you stay there until you’ve planned an escape route, or destroy everything and start from scratch no matter the consequences? Hope will stay, Rage will burn it down. 

Question 11: Life vs Doom. When you see another person in pain, are you more likely to try to help them, or just empathize and try to relate to them? I don’t like this question--it’s worded vaguely and phrased in such a way where if you don’t choose the Life answer then you get guilted for it. Anyways, Life will help, and Doom will... “relate,” whatever that means. 

Question 12: Life vs Doom #2. When you encounter someone in a situation so awful that there’s no way to help, are you more likely to be horrified and fight the inevitable, or feel resigned to the fate of the world? Again, this is a heavily slanted question and could be worded FAR more effectively to produce a less biased quiz. Life fights back, Doom is resigned to destiny. 

So there you have it, those are the questions! With that in mind, I’m still trying to figure out how they’re “weighted” when you give multiple strong answers, but the general gist is that the quiz assigns you the Aspect you provided the most Firm Yes answers to. I got Life because I replied strongly in the Helping direction on the last two questions, which overpowered some of my wimpier answers to the other questions. 

So what does this mean about the aspect results?

That’s what this post was supposed to be about, after all! I’m not going to pick apart the questions that I think work well, but there are two sets in particular that OFFEND me in how poorly designed they are, and I want to dissect them a little because they seem to cause a lot of problems for people. 

First things first, I want to address something about this quiz that’s really bothering me: the whole skew of the Life vs Doom duality. Specifically, the questions meant to assign the Life and Doom aspects in this quiz are really, really bad. I suspect that Life is being assigned far too often, and Doom not nearly enough, because of this problem. Doom got super shortchanged here! 

There’s something that Question 11 in particular wants to be asking that it just isn’t, and that glitch in wording could be causing a lot of skew. Frankly, I don’t think anyone’s impulse is to empathize with a person while “not doing anything” about their situation otherwise. What this question wants to ask is, when confronted with someone in despair, do you try to fix the situation materially and remove what’s causing them distress, or do you try to speak to them and relate to them and listen to their problems? Doom’s Aspect description heavily emphasizes empathy and commiseration. While Doom is not the aspect that tries to fix problems, and Doom is not the advice friend, Doom seems like it really wants to listen. I think this question should be rephrased along these lines: “When you see someone suffering, are you more inclined to help them get better? Or is your instinct to listen to their troubles and empathize with them, without necessarily offering advice?” 

Also, Question 12 should maybe be rephrased in the context of hearing, like, a news article or something. You’re reading about a horrible awful disaster somewhere else, do you feel terrible that nothing can be done or are you resigned to disaster as the Way the World Is? That’d feel a lot less...weird. 

SO like, if you got Life and you don’t think it fit you that well, it’s probably because of those two wonky questions! I think the majority of people are more inclined to do something active in times of trouble than they are to sit around apathetically the way these questions imply Doom would, so if you gave stronger answers to questions 11 and 12 then they may overpower anything else in your test. The majority of people help their friends and want to help other people, that doesn’t mean that the majority of people are proactive enough in that specific way to be Life aspects. In particular, a lot of Blood players seem to be landing on Life when they don’t necessarily belong there.

With that whining out of the way, the rest of the results! 

There’s a really simple reason why people are getting answers that they don’t think fit them: the questions on this test are actually determining slightly different traits than the traits emphasized in the aspect result descriptions. Seriously, they are! Blood is the worst culprit of this, but they all do this to some extent. 

I’m addressing Blood first, partially because it’s the most common victim in cases of “I should be this aspect but I got Light/Life instead!!!” and partially because the questions for Blood are really... interesting. 

Blood, in the traditional fandom approach AND in this test, is supposed to be the aspect about Friendship and Bonds. But in this test, the questions that are most related to friendship and empathy have NOTHING to do with Blood. Seriously, they don’t. Look at the list again. Friendship and relationships are almost never relevant in this quiz, which sort of makes sense, but they’re sort of important for some of these aspects? They’re not there. The two deciding questions that would give the Blood result are more about how you impact the group, not about how the group impacts you or how you relate to them. Regardless of what the description on your results page says, the test itself looks for these traits (and ONLY these!) to identify a Blood player: 

They consider themselves only one role in the “play” of reality, surrounded by equally important alternate protagonists, and

They lead others through inspiration and motivation.

There’s nothing in here about friendship and empathy--two elements of the Blood aspect that are generally considered the Most Important Ones by a lot of analysis writers, and also the Blood description itself. The key defining factors of Blood are its reliance on the power of groups, and Blood’s skill at giving advice and helping people, but those traits don’t actually have anything to do with the test questions that’ll give you Blood as a result. The only question with a firmly Blood-affiliated result is Question 2, which is kind of tangential to begin with! I guess this means Hussie considers the “inspirational leadership” aspect most important, but his own aspect description seems to disagree with him there. 

I personally think that a lot of Blood players are mistyped as Life because of the wonky Life/Doom questions I complained about earlier--as Blood players prioritize friendship and empathy and helping people, they’re wont to give very strong positive “yes I will always help people and want to help people” responses to questions 11 and 12. This doesn’t mean that they’re Life players, it just means they take their actual aspect seriously! See: my earlier rant about those questions and their multitude of issues. This also means that Life itself is unfairly vague, and probably getting way more results than it really should. Blood and Life are already very closely related, and this test is NOT helping people distinguish them. 

The Light/Void questions are pretty good for determining which side of that particular duality someone lands on. A Light player will respond strongly to indicate that they seek knowledge all the time, and a Void player will hang out in the background, those are fine. The worst impact these questions seem to have? They skew the rest of the test. A set of wonky, poorly-worded questions is gonna result in people providing a lot of noncommittal middle answers, so if you gave a “moderately strong” reply in the Light direction to both of these, then you’ll get Light if you didn’t have a very firmly dedicated slant towards something else. 

Space/Time are pretty solid, the first option is a literal power preference (which does seem slightly out of place with the rest of the questions but w/e) and the second one does apply fairly directly to the Space/Time duality. I think they might be different to past approaches on that pairing, but I don’t know, I never pried too deeply into this duo. 

Heart vs Mind, again pretty well-designed, they achieve what they need to achieve. Not much to say about those. 

Hope vs Rage is a really interesting pair because they’re two aspects that Hussie’s been kind of vague on in the past. I think Question 9 could be better phrased, but that’s just me. A few people have complained that Rage isn’t getting assigned often enough, but to me it just seems like it’s not as common of an aspect? I don’t see anything inherently wrong about how the test sets it up, people just don’t answer strongly in that direction. 

And... yeah, that’s where I’m at with this test. All the “wrong” answers are happening because 4 out of the 12 questions are Badly Designed enough that they sort of ruin the rest of the thing! So if you’re still feeling like your result isn’t the one that really fits you, this is worth keeping in mind. It’s a test, and tests can be flawed! Even though the 8 questions I didn’t bully seem to work very well, they are still only 8 questions. No personality test can really know you better than you know yourself. :)

(Also, regardless of your theories on how classes work in correlation to aspects, there is still a relationship there. So you might just always have a class skewing your answer! this has been a PSA from your local prince of doom who consistently gets life on all these tests because of... idfk inversion or something who even knows) (#EXERCISE FUTILITY)

[laphicet]

sweetlaphicets 2017 games of the year

Its just me rambling nonsensically and unedited about games I loved this year

2017 was a damn good year for video games <3 I played a lot of different games and DLC’s this year, and I just wanted to talk about some of my favorites this year !  Also, this list will be limited to things that were released this year.

 Resident Evil 7 – Starting off the year right for me. I love Resident Evil and survival horror a lot, and the series was unfortunately waning in terms of interest to me, with its shift towards more action instead of puzzles and exploration. Then Resident Evil 7 comes a long and throws all that out, and pretty much is classic Resident Evil formula, but modernized a little bit, and in first person. What a game it was. Fantastic atmosphere, with small memorable areas that you explore every nook and cranny of, and really just get to become familiar with all of the environments, with an interesting story with an entirely new cast of characters, with a focus on developing the games main antagonists, the family whose house a large portion of the game takes place in. Survival horror is BACK baby <3 Nier Automata – I love Yoko Taro, a lot. I love platinum games games’. Put them together and well… you have an unforgettable experience. Music that I listen to on a daily basis (Vague Hope is sooooo good), and characters I think about constantly (9S needs a hug…). It’s funny, when I first finished all the routes of the game, I cried a lot, especially on ending D, but I also felt… the characters weren’t as developed or memorable as the first Nier’s. As time goes on, and the more I think about the characters, the more I realize, I really did like the characters a lot, it just took me some time to appreciate them more. This game made me really happy, because I feel Yoko Taro is finally getting the widespread recognition that I’ve always felt he deserved. His stories are so far out there and different, but the drakengard/nier universe is my favorite universe of all time, and the lore is sooooo cool. Can’t wait to see what Yoko Taro does next <3 Detention – As I said in the Resident Evil 7 section, I love me some survival horror games, but I also have a big passion for psychological horror games, and Detention hits all the right notes in that department. Every single thing in the game has some deeper meaning, the reason you see enemies, all the puzzles, and all the imagery in the backgrounds, which is totally my jam (something Silent Hill gave me a passion for) and the story in general is just really dark and good. The game itself is a point and click side scrolling game with a focus entirely on puzzles (pretty good and very…interesting ones at that) and exploration. There are enemies, but they don’t really pose a threat, and they’re just there more for serving a purpose in the story. Detention is really great and not that expensive, if you like horror games, I definitely think its worth looking into.

Azure Striiker Gunvolt Striker Pack – Always wanted to get into these games back on the 3DS, and since they came out on the Switch, I got to give both games a go, and they immediately hooked me. Super fun megaman styled games, with an emphasis on tagging enemies and then electrocuting all tagged enemies at once. It feels really satisfying to use Gunvolts electric abilities, and it definitely has that Inti Creates charm to it. Visually, it reminded me a lot of Megaman Zero. I was even surprised at liking the story as much as I did. It’s not a super detailed or developed story, but I really loved Gunvolt and Joule <3 I hope for a third one at some point.

Ys VIII Lacrimosa of Dana – I love Ys games, and I went into this one specifically knowing absolutely nothing, never watching any videos and only having seen a few screenshots. I was so surprised by the structure of the game and the fact that the world was as big as it was, and gorgeous at that. As usual, Falcom made some damn good music too <3 Also for the first time in the series, the characters resonated with me more then usual. I think it was the stuck on an island premise of the story, everyone having to work together to survive and having to actually speak to everyone and get to know them a bit more through quests. I don’t really like the raid or defense missions, but they’re not unbearable, but definitely a low point for me. The rest of the gameplay though… man is it good. Each character feels damn good to play, especially Dana. Dana as a character in general is pretty great, and I’d really like to see more of her at some point. Soso localization aside (which they’re re—localizing now) Ys VIII is probably my favorite Ys game at this point.

The Evil Within 2 – This game is what I might call the “surprise of the year” for me. I enjoyed the first game a lot, but it had so many design aspects that I really hated (so many damn 1 hit deaths in that game) This sequel however… does everything right in my eyes. An open town to explore as a sort of giant hub world that gave me Silent Hill vibes (exploring the town was always my favorite part of that series) But perhaps the biggest surprise for me with Evil Within 2 was the story. The first games story was pretty bland, and somehow they turned the bland, boring main character from the first game in to a really well developed and well done character that honestly made me feel bad for him. Going into this game I wasn’t expecting to cry going in to this game, but it definitely gave me a lot of feels.

(DLC) Final Fantasy XV : Episode Ignis – This DLC episode gave me (and I think some other fans, 1 in specific that I know :3 ) exactly what I wanted, but I won’t spoil that here. I loved this DLC and I don’t really want to talk too mumch about it because its hard to talk about without spoiling the main game. So I’ll just sayh this, I love Ignis and I want to hug him. Also Yasunori Mitsuda composing for a Final Fantasy is pretty damn rad.

And now for my game of the year… (99% of people who know me will not be surprised xD)

Tales Of Berseria – Some of the games on my list are better designed, have better gameplay, and waaaaaaaaaaay better level design, but nothing resonated with me more this year then Berseria. Something about it just clicked, and clicked hard. I love the characters so much, especially Velvet and Phi.  I kinda don’t think a cast of characters for a game has resonated with me as much as this game, the closest its ever been before this was Yuri and Alice from Shadow Hearts, and the cast of the first Nier. There are scenes from this game that I can just think of out of context and start to get emotional >_> no games ever done that for me before. I’m not sure if it’s the game itself really emotionally resonating with me to this extreme extent, or that the game was there when I needed comfort more then anything due to some really awful bullshit that happened this year, but either way, I really love this game and its incredibly special to me. I also saw a lot of my self in Velvet and Phi... the way Velvets moods are and her anger remind me  a lot of my self when I have really bad mood swings that come at random. And then Phi... well.. I saw more of myself in him then I ever have with any other character before, for reasons that maybe I’ll write about in a seperate post one day. He has a lot of my own personality traits and one big thing about his development and over the course of the game that just really... resonated with me in a way no character has ever before. 

[theeurekaproject]

A Painstakingly Complicated Discussion of the Caste System

This post is mirrored from my Wattpad story Eureka in Excessus, which is a collection of miscellaneous pieces of the Eureka Project that never quite made it into the book. You can find it here.

Today on "Wren Has Too Much Free Time: The Book," we discuss the painful intricacies of the caste system in a society that doesn't exist! I'm the type of person who gets super into worldbuilding (sometimes at the expense of the actual story) so writing this type of guide is really entertaining to me. That being said, if you would rather not listen to two thousand or so words of rambling about the social order of a fictional empire, you are by no means required to read this—the actual story can be understood just fine without it. If you're a lore-obsessed geek like me, though, read on :)

I knew from the very beginning that Eleutheria had to have a caste system. I needed a quantifiable way for characters to compare themselves to other characters, and "she's rich but I'm poor" didn't really work because poverty and status are so relative. The noblewomen consider everyone beneath them "poor," but then there are people like Lyra, who were literally raised on the streets. There's also the fact that Eleutheria's social order is incredibly complicated and alien—it's almost nothing like our own, owing to the fact that they have larger gender differences, a weird history, and bizarre societal norms that are often at odds with what readers consider normal. So I knew I needed a quantifiable system that shows which characters are ranked higher than other characters.

The caste system started as simple ranks and numbers, but that got boring and difficult to keep track of very quickly, so I started giving the castes names. Like everything else in Eleutheria, they're in Latin, but I'm hoping that a combination of context clues and obvious English loanwords will be enough to give readers an idea about what they mean. Eventually the system grew from ten vague groups to exactly twenty extremely specific castes grouped into several different cohorts. I like this way of organization because it allows me to make certain jobs equal without combining them into one caste—scientists and medical types are different things, but they're in the same cohort and thus relatively equal. I finalized the hierarchy with a few additional groups that aren't quite considered castes, and that led to the system I—and Eleutheria—use now. So, without further ado: the twenty castes of Eleutheria!

The Trinitarian castes are the "best of the best"—the old money noblewomen who lead Eleutherian society and serve as models to everyone else. Nothing a Trinitaria says or does is wrong—they can get away with murder if they so desire, and there's nothing anyone can do to stop them. Despite their high status, though, the Trinitarium are constantly fighting amongst themselves, frequently resulting in bloody civil wars that leave hundreds of thousands of people dead. Naturally, the people who start said wars get off scot-free; they always do.

Caste Cipher is the highest Trinitarian caste. Supposedly descended from the Founders of Eleutheria, the Ciphers are said to have unflinching brilliance, impossible beauty, and the divine wisdom of their ancestors. Their shockingly blue eyes, unflinching gaze, and uncanny-valley nature distinguishes them from the rest of the nobility (or, well, at least it did; Acidalia-Planitia, eldest daughter of Alestra Cipher, has, to the rest of the court's disgust, very plain, very human brown eyes.) Ciphers are considered almost gods by quite a few denizens of Eleutheria, and anyone who dares question them will be swiftly and violently stricken down by Alestra Cipher's hand.

Examples: Alestra, Aleskynn, and Acidalia (the latter only sort of.)

Caste Princips is the second-highest caste, consisting of nearly all the other noble families on Eleutheria. Noble houses Vulgaris, Communia, Summus, and others reside on this level—just below the Ciphers, but above everyone else. They are said to have descended from Eleutheria's earliest settlers, a population chosen by the Founders to spearhead their new civilization. Despite their high ancestry, though, they are not above stupid, petty squabbles, and they spend most of their time arguing with one another over nothing of importance. Though Caste Princips are not nearly as revered as Ciphers, they evoke the same anxiety in ordinary citizens—mostly because they too are wealthy and powerful enough to erase people from existence.

Examples: The ladies-in-waiting, most of Aleskynn's friends

Caste Praelia is the final, dying Trinitarian caste. It once consisted of numerous noble houses who served as military powerhouses; Praelium houses produced an untold amount of warriors, generals, and gladiators. However, Alestra came down on them hard during her reign, not wanting to be superseded by charismatic Praetors and their extremely loyal armies. Now the only remnant of caste Praelia is the noble house Generalis, which is also slowly fizzling out—its matriarch, Anatolia Radiata, died several years ago, leaving her daughter Cassiopeia as the lone survivor.

Examples: Cassiopeia, the late Anatolia

The Logos castes are just underneath the Trinitarians. Consisting of scientists, doctors, businesswomen, and other academic types, this cohort has given rise to some very powerful people. However, most women in this category remain solidly middle-class—not every researcher is an Einstein, you know? Despite this, they are treated with a sort of reverence by the rest of the population, because they're considered the "movers and shakers" of Eleutherian society. They discover new things, uncover the past, and help move humanity forward; who wouldn't love them? So they usually get off pretty well in the grand scheme of things... sure, sometimes they discover things they weren't meant to know and get themselves shot for treason, but considering that this is Eleutheria we're talking about, that's not that bad.

Caste Negotia is mostly composed of businesswomen, economists, and management types. Some are your ordinary office busybodies, and others are CEOs. They can be enormously wealthy, but many are your regular old run-of-the-mill managers. Still, the caste is associated with luxury anyway—very few Negotium are cripplingly poor.

Caste Scientia consists of researchers and scientists, who are further divided into specialties depending on their field. Again, they can be very rich, or kind of in the middle, but rarely ever impoverished. Outside of the Trinitarian castes, the Scientias are one of the most respected groups in Eleutherian society—after all, they invent the technology that's made the empire so powerful. Despite this—or maybe because of it—they are under intense scrutiny. Alestra is so afraid of the Scientias mobilizing against her that's she's started an aggressive campaign to keep dangerous ideas from spreading: she takes away their children to be raised by the state, kills anyone whose research goes a little too deep, and brutally slaughters everyone who disagrees with her just to make examples out of them. Scientias also have a tendency to die young due to completely unrelated reasons—they're often frail, sickly, and inexplicably weak. Conspiracy theories abound about this, but every time someone makes a breakthrough, they wind up dead.

Examples: Athena, Carina

Caste Medica contains medical professionals—doctors, nurses, dentists, and the like. Alestra sees them as slightly less of a threat, so she's a little more lenient with them. Besides, she kind of has to be nice to a degree—even Imperatrices get sick, and she wants to avoid being killed by her own doctors if something goes wrong. This caste is generally kept happy, just because Alestra knows offending them could result in her death. It would be very easy for the royal physician to cut the wrong thing during surgery and make an assassination look accidental.

Caste Historia ostensibly contains the historians, archeologists, et cetera. In practice, though, it's hardly composed of unbiased historical researchers. Most Historium are paid off by the state to publish the truths the government agrees with, and dissenters are simply killed. Much like the Scientias, Historium are subject to an intense amount of scrutiny; if someone publishes a document they aren't supposed to, Alestra's whole reign could collapse in on itself. This, compounded by the fact that society doesn't really need historians in the same way it needs scientists, has led to the thinning of caste Historia. After Alestra took power, their numbers were greatly reduced, and they never regained their lost power again.

The aptly named Artem castes are the creative types. Dancers, actors, artists, designers, animators, and anyone else who works an "artsy" job is classified into this cohort. Unlike most castes, the Artem castes are incredibly diverse and offer a high degree of social mobility for anyone fortunate enough to swindle their way into a high-paying job. Starving artists can become millionaires overnight if they're lucky, and famous stars can fade into nothingness if society forgets about them. It's a high-risk, high-reward game, but if you're skilled, loyal, and reasonably attractive, you have a decent shot at making a good living for yourself. Of course, artists who choose to defy the status quo never seem to remain in the spotlight for very long.

Caste Auctor is composed of writers, authors, and scribes. Auctores can be almost anything, so long as it's related to writing or communication. They can work in conjunction with Scientias and Medicas to do the paperwork surrounding scientific studies and case reports, help Magistratum with investigative journalism, translate ancient languages alongside Historium, create works of fiction, et cetera. Like the Scientias, they're somewhat respected by the majority of society, but that just means Alestra hates them more because they have so much influence. Any Auctor who finds themselves on her bad side will meet a swift and merciless end.

Caste Momentum consists of the people who are involved in creating "movies" and "TV shows" (read: "thinly veiled propaganda presented to the citizens as if it's truth.") It's a somewhat odd caste limited to propaganda professionals; there are actors and directors, but also certain psychologists and writers who specialize in messing with the human mind. Momentum castes regularly collude with Auctores, Medicas, and Scientias—and sometimes even Ciphers themselves—to create terrifying, mind-melding cocktails of half-truths that can convince weak-minded citizens of anything.

Caste Incentor is much more innocuous, containing mostly musicians. They're monitored heavily to prevent Dangerous Ideas from spreading, but they have more freedom than most Artem castes, mostly because Eleutherian music is by and large kind of terrible. Incentores are stereotyped as being dizty, lovestruck morons, because they're one of the few castes that never really does anything with science or history or government—mostly they just sit around and look pretty, and some of them sing on occasion. (Of course, most of them are not really that brainless, but they pretend to be stupid anyway—the dumber Alestra thinks you are, the less she'll want you dead.)

Caste Sollertia is a weird, catchall mixture of other "creative types." All sorts of career artists wind up here—designers, certain architects, tattoo artists, and anyone else Eleutheria can't shove neatly into their own little category. Sollertium are stereotyped as "free spirits" because they can grow up to be pretty much anything, so long as that thing has a creative component to it. The daughter of an architect can easily become a graphic designer if she so chooses (though it's customary to take your mother's job upon reaching your age of majority.) Sollertium associate with Logos castes like Scientias somewhat frequently—you kind of have to consult engineers if you're designing a building—so they have slightly more respect than Incentores, despite their caste's lack of structure and organization.

The Auxilium castes are where things start to get depressing (if the government surveillance wasn't depressing enough.) Auxilium are "helper castes," and that describes them pretty accurately—they only exist to serve other people. They range from middle-class to extraordinarily, horrifyingly poor, and they don't have the greatest of reputations. Most of the upper castes look down on them at least somewhat, and anyone who makes friends with an Auxilia will be made fun of mercilessly. There is one exception to this rule, though—Ministratora, especially the Imperial servants, are treated with a great degree of respect. Mostly because they report back to Alestra.

Caste Suffragia is the most fortunate of the Auxilium castes. They're called Suffragium because they used to be one of the largest voting blocs back when Eleutheria held elections (same root word as "suffrage.") Suffragium are, by and large, everyday workers just trying to make a living. Regular old salesmen, secretaries, and the like are mostly Suffragium, as well as most retail employees. It's rare to see a Suffragia rise above middle-classs mediocrity, but this is Eleutheria, so dull suburbia and ticky-tacky box houses are pretty decent. And they don't get murdered by furious Ciphers on a semi-regular basis, so... that's a win for them.

Caste Ministratora is domestic workers. Personal assistants, maids, nannies, and some cooks are all Ministratoras, and their quality of life varies depending upon their employer. They can make very good money if they work for very rich people—you'd think noblewomen would treat their servants pretty poorly, but it'd be extremely easy for a resentful maid to slip something lethal into a drink or let important information slip, and sure, they might get themselves killed for it, but what good will that do if you're already dead? Alestra in particular is shockingly nice to the Ministratoras she employs, mostly because she's terrified of them turning on her.

Caste Raeda consists of the people who keep Eleutheria's public transportation system in check. It's a more important job than it sounds, but it's also too dirty and grimy for Scientias to want to do it, so the grunt work falls to the Raedae. They range from train conductors to mechanics to spaceship pilots, and though they're looked down upon by most other Eleutherians, their card isn't actually that bad. They don't make a lot of money, but that means they have more freedom than most, and they can escape Eleutheria with ease if things turn nasty—Alestra doesn't care about them enough to look into it when they vanish mysteriously.

Caste Vilicius is where things start to get human-rights-violate-y. Vilicius is a small caste that only exists to keep the Laborum and Cantatores in check—the second the lower castes start causing a problem, the Vilicii are there to beat them into submission. Allowing Vilicii to go mad with power and indiscriminately maim or kill Obscuri is one of Alestra's favorite ways of keeping Eleutherian society the way she wants it. Vilicii are another group that can get away with murder—provided they're murdering the "bad" people, of course.

And, finally, the aforementioned Obscurus castes. They're called Obscuri because they quite literally live in the darkness, populating the pieces of Eleutheria nobody else will tolerate living in. They're mostly orphans and other people with no family name or legacy, and they're often considered "resources" that can be bought, sold, and used rather than human beings with valuable lives. The one plus about being an Obscurus is that Alestra doesn't care about them, either, which means they can get away with doing "treasonous" things others would be jailed or killed for. On the other hand,  they don't reap the benefits from the government, either—meaning they have no access to programs intended to help the impoverished.

Caste Labora is made up of factory workers. They're one of the largest castes, and they're incredibly strong, rivaling the greatest athletes and gladiators Eleutheria has to offer. This means that, hypothetically, if a Labora was to start a large revolutionary movement, things would be very, very bad—they probably wouldn't win anything, but they'd cause a significant amount of damage before the military came to shut them down. Somehow, though, they never stay strong for very long—every Labora seems to get some horrible, immobilizing disease that cripples their ability to move or communicate once they outlive their usefulness.

Caste Cantator is like the catchall caste for people Eleutheria doesn't like. Bastard kids, orphans, illegal second daughters back when Alestra had a one-child rule, et cetera, all fall into the Cantator category. Cantator is one of the smallest castes, but Alestra hates it more than anything because every Cantator is a living embodiment of a broken rule. She hasn't outright killed them all yet, mostly because doing so would be inconvenient, but she's dangerously unsympathetic to their problems, and she's revoked what little support the government used to offer them. They're a constant thorn in her side just by virtue of existing, and she'd be very happy to see them all wiped off the face of the Earth.

Examples: Lyra

Caste Servum consists of slaves. Chattel slavery hasn't been legal in Eleutheria for over two hundred years, but the fact that this caste is still on the roster shows how little the government cares about enforcing that rule.

"Outcaste" is a sort of general term for a person who doesn't fit into the official hierarchy. It doesn't actually have a negative connotation; whether or not being an Outcaste is a good thing depends on the circumstances of a person's birth.

The Magistratum are the police force. They aren't considered a part of the official caste roster because they're technically military (though they're rarely treated as such.) Certain units of the Magistratum are terrifying and efficient, especially Alestra's not-so-secret police, but most of the time they're kind of a mess because they're always fighting with each other. Most units are ruled by the government, others are run entirely by the various gangs/mobs that pop up in the Eleutherian underground, yet more work for various non-government paramilitary rebel groups, and some just serve themselves. And for every cop who works for an ulterior motive, there's some poor guy whose entire job is filling out paperwork and fighting with idiot sov cits.

"De Caelo" is the what non-Eleutherians get on their paperwork in the place where the caste name should be. It literally means "from heaven" because it most often refers to people from other planets (usually Mars.) Eleutheria doesn't get many tourists (because it's kind of a dystopian hellscape) but it does get visiting diplomats, and the "de Caelo" classification is just a way of saying "no, they don't have a caste; they aren't from here."

Miles (pronounced mee-lays) are soldiers. Most men fall into this category because Eleutheria has compulsory military service. The military has its own ranking system, which is kind of impossible to memorize because it's so needlessly complicated—some of it is meritocratic like a traditional military structure (i.e. you get promoted if you do a good job), but most of it is just based on what you were born as, and it all uses random letters instead of fancy Latin names. The random categories are intended to confuse enemies so they won't intentionally target higher-ranking men—the idea is that they wouldn't single out a TB soldier over a DX soldier, because their names don't indicate how important they are. Of course, different categories have different uniforms and appearances, so the whole "random alphabet soup letter" names are functionally useless.

Examples: Ace, T (or AX-C240 and TB-2115, respectively.)

Luminosa is the title given to the founders of Eleutheria and other historically important people. It means "enlightened," and it's the highest honor an Eleutherian can ever hope to get. It's virtually impossible to receive this title—even Alestra didn't dare award it to herself. Less than fifty people have ever been called "Luminosa," and it's almost always awarded posthumously. Luminosae aren't considered a part of the caste system because they're theoretically above it—everyone on the planet would bow down to them,  even the Ciphers themselves.

Examples: Katherine Amelia Davis, better known as Katerina Aurelia Luminosa (the woman Acidalia's coronation oath references, and ostensibly her ancestor.)

[neioo]

Here it is! The second edition to Are We Humans? no one ever asked for!!

As a kind of thank you—I’m currently giving away some FREE COPIES. Message me if you’re interested, and we can work out the details. I can afford to give about 5 away (all gone! if you want to pay cheaper than the $11 listing price, just message me and maybe we can work something out)

Pictured above: me holding the book awkwardly and hoping my roommate won’t ask what the hell I’m doing, my hand, the book up against my dorm window so everyone can see the dumpsters right outside of it, and my shameful bookshelf (where the rest of my hetalia DVDs are hidden *coughs*)

THE BOOK is available for purchase (HERE), and it can be read for free on AO3 (HERE)

SUMMARY: Nation Avatars. They’re immortal beings who represent a country. They look human, feel human, but are they really? That’s the question they strive to answer after faced with extreme cases of dehumanization during the Second World War. Just when they think the worst is over, the Cold War strikes, and they’re challenged with new obstacles. It’s these obstacles that lead them on their own paths of self-discovery. Are they their own person or their country? Most would say their country. Others would disagree…

RATING: Mature

SHIPS: rochu, ameripan, frying pangle, fruk, hints of spamano

TAGS: Violence, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Dehumanization, Torture, Warfare, Gore, Mafia, Cold War, World War II, Slow Build, Eventual Romance, Platonic Relationships, Historical Hetalia, Asexual Characters

Thanks so much for everyone’s continued support o//

UPDATES AND MORE RAMBLING UNDER THE CUT

What prompted this? Well…Don’t Forget Us is going to be in a different format from the first printed version of AWH, and I just couldn’t stomach the thought of having the two next to each other

(Like…you know when you get a book series and suddenly the fucking cover design just. changes and then the spines don't line up??? I couldn't have that.)

Also, there are some other minor changes:

I deleted over 200 uses of the word ‘fuck.’ I wish I were kidding. There’s still profanity, but now it’s…better limited

I deleted two cringey conversations that have been haunting me for a while now (one in the beginning, one towards the end).

Minor, minor plot adjustments to some scenes to better sync up with Don’t Forget Us

Also! I added some goodies at the end. I included some of my OC works and a bit of commentary :o

And any edits I did to AWH are always reflected on AO3

But basically, I’m giving away the free copies because I won a $50 Amazon gift card for a contest I didn’t enter, and I didn’t know what to spend the money on. 

It was my brother who came down and gave me the brilliant idea with:

So yeah…

MORE STUFF

Don’t Forget Us

I have finished the first read-through, which involved heavy formatting and adding relevant plot points. (Also deleting excess profanity) All the changes are reflected on AO3

Plot points include: fragrant kimchi stuff, Robert and Kazimir tweaks, more fleshed out relationship between Juhaina and Dalia

(so nothing major, but the changes I did make do improve flow A LOT)

I’m currently on the second read through, which involves heavy grammar editing. I first print out a chapter and do paper edits, then transfer those digitally. I also listen to the entire chapter

(But I’m also doing small plot points as well)

It…still looks like it’s going to take 6 months for me to finish. I would like it to be quicker, but this semester I’m taking one more class than I did the last, so…

But there’s a preliminary cover design!

(Prussia, South Korea, Kazimir, Robert, and Juhaina)

*jazz hands*

What Do We Want?

Whelp, this is going to be a thing

After deliberation, I have a solid plan on how to tackle the entire story. A main feature will be a lot of time jumps, and also POV switches. I’m 90% certain it’s going to be Prussia, England, Japan, and Russia now

Though Romano and Hong Kong’s POV were fun to play around with, I really want to explore Russia and Japan’s characters by themselves without the context of America and China’s relationship with them. Also, I just…don’t know enough history about Italy for Romano’s POV to really work.

What I currently have on AO3 will probably be deleted when I’m ready to write and post chapters of this

…Which won’t happen until Don’t Forget Us is finished, meaning a minimum of 6 months. I’m also going to China this summer for a study abroad program, so that could severely hinder my ability to write during the summer.

Which means, look for it next school year if you still like hetalia

But at this point, who knows what’ll happen in the future. In the meantime, I’ll just keep daydreaming about it

Things to look forward to that’ll be in it: D-Day, France being broken out, the Allies’ month in London, the situation in Asia, Russia pining after China (heavily)

Yeah so in terms of ships, there’s going to be basically no ameripan content. Rochu, however—if you like fics where someone’s developing a massive crush on the other person, that’s what you’ll get here. There’s…going to be hints to usuk in order to keep the plot consistent, but there’ll also be hints of fruk. In terms of frying pangle, pruaus is going to be more of a thing, but there’ll be little pruhun and aushun (for obvious reasons). Fragrant kimchi and hongtai are obviously a no. And spamano…

I…don’t ship spamano as much as I once did (which is another reason why I’m scrapping the Romano POV) so I’m kind of going to glaze over it…

Other things.

OC’s will not be a big part like in Don’t Forget Us. It’s going to be like AWH again—they’ll play small but important roles. Frank, Kazimir, and Aida will make appearances—Aida especially

Also, I’m not gonna try to do a commentary on racism in this like I was trying to with the first attempt, but I’ll still include important elements of it

In addition, I’ll try to dial down…Scotland, but still keep him an asshole. (There’ll also be redeeming scenes with him, especially in D-Day, but also…some not great scenes with him.)

Hong Kong’s ‘story’ or what I was trying to originally write will be shown in flashback scenes.

The whole fic is gong to be very spliced up like that—no two POV will really coincide at the same time (but fret not, every chapter will be marked with a date)

So yeah. That’s p much it

Here’s the song that will play in the final scene 

I’m thankful for all those who’ve offered to help with this stupid thing when I ranted about it in the beginning of Don’t Forget Us. My biggest issue was that I didn’t know enough historical wise, so basically I’m fixing that by just…not writing about those historical things *finger guns*

I know a fair amount on Japan and Prussia as countries. My knowledge on the UK and Russia is…more iffy. WW2 and up? Yeah, I know the basic details. Things before that? Lmao. No. My interest area is East Asia, not Europe…But I’ll try my best