#for the first time the show is available for people to watch and discuss and yall want to shut that down?? for WHAT

[wanders-in-wonderland]

Pay to Play

The last thing I remember is a van pulling up to the sidewalk and two men grabbing me. I vaguely recall a syringe going into my arm and the pain of an injection but that’s all that I can remember of when I wake up. I’m in a dark room, tied to a chair, and gagged. There are several other girls in the room as well, all tied and gagged just like I am. The fear is palpable as we look between ourselves. Some are crying and most of us are squirming and struggling to no avail.

Suddenly, the door to the room we’re in swings open and several men walk in. No one says a word as the men go towards the girl closest to the door and pick her up, chair included. They leave with her, just as suddenly as they arrived, leaving the rest of us in stunned silence.

I feel tears well up in my eyes, the fear and confusion becoming too much for me to process. One of the girls screams behind her gag and another one joins her. A few more join in but no one beyond the door seems to notice and eventually, we all quiet again, each of us trying to cope in our own ways.

An unknown amount of time passes and suddenly the doors slam open again. The men return but there is no sign of the first girl. They head towards the second girl and grab her the same way, ignoring her wails from behind the gag and her desperate struggling against her bonds. They leave with her, just like before.

It becomes a pattern. The men come and take the next girl in line every so often and none of us know what to expect or how to stop it. Soon, I’m up next. It’s been so long since I woke up that I’ve stopped crying already. My arms are sore from being tied up and my legs are numb from sitting.

The doors slam open again and I’m carried away. I’m brought to a room surrounded by lights, the sudden brightness making me squint and blink. When my vision focuses again, I realize the men are gone and I’m alone. I’m surrounded by cameras, and there’s a large screen in front of me playing a live feed of the room, and I see myself. My hair is tangled, my eyes are red from crying, and I look terrified. What’s next to the footage is what makes my blood run cold. It’s a chat box, and I can see the comments coming in. Comments about how I look, about how excited viewers are for the “show,” and how much they think I’m worth. I realize in that moment that I’m being livestreamed and about to be sold off to the highest bidder.

A door opens and a man walks in. He’s wearing a mask that covers most of his face and he has on a microphone that I can only assume let’s him talk to the stream’s viewers.

“Welcome! Our next lovely girl is here with us now. You all know the rules, if you win the auction, you must transfer funds immediately and she will be prepared for shipment or pick-up, depending on your preference. Let’s begin.”

He walks toward me, and I whimper behind the gag, terrified of what’s to come. He pulls out a pair of scissors, and swiftly cuts away at my clothes, pulling them off my naked body and I’m crying now. I can see myself on the screen, my sobs making my body shake as I try my best to curl into myself.

The comments start to flood into the chat box now, people discussing my body, my tits, my pussy. I see bids start to come in too, and part of me is shocked to see the amount of money these people are throwing out.

The man comes back into my view and he’s holding a vibrator in his hand. I wail behind the gag, shaking my head and struggling uselessly in my bonds. He isn’t deterred and I watch as he clicks it on. I’m straining to close my legs but the ropes are too tight and chair too unyielding. He brings the vibrator between my legs and I wail when I feel it touch my clit. He doesn’t give me time to adjust, he presses the vibrating head directly onto my clit and holds it there, letting the vibrations batter me.

I scream behind the gag as I feel the sensation overwhelm me. At first, the fear dampened any pleasure but as the seconds dragged on and the vibrator stayed pressed up against my most delicate area, I could feel my body reacting. Waves of stimulation crash over me and I can feel the first inklings of an orgasm starting to build. The man keeps the horrible vibrator on my pulsing clit and my tears are now in response to the unbearable pleasure that I never wanted, and certainly not like this.

The vibrator pushes my body closer and closer to a wrecking orgasm, and I can’t do anything other than feel it happen. I arch my back and squirm as much as I can when the incomprehensible pleasure crescendos and I shatter. I can feel my pussy clenching around nothing and gushing out my release, my clit pulsing in time to my heartbeat, and my mind fading to a haze of pleasure and pain as the vibrator continues to ravage me.

“Orgasm in one minute and 37 seconds, and she’s a squirter,” the man announces matter-of-factly. “Let’s see how hard we can push her.”

I look up from tear-blurred eyes, seeing the comments flood in on the chat box on screen. I’ve always been sensitive post-orgasm and the fact that the man hasn’t pulled away the vibrator is pushing me into a painful overstimulation that’s making my stomach clench in fear. He reaches down with his free hand and maneuvering around the vibrator to pull back the soft skin that normally surrounds my clit, protecting it. My eyes widen and I let out a guttural scream behind the gag as the overwhelming, horrible vibrator now decimates my clit with nothing to soften the nerve-fraying stimulation.

I feel my eyes roll up into my head and my body is thrown into a second orgasm with no preparation. Just pure, unstoppable pleasure that burns every single nerve in my body. I can’t even breathe or scream or cry as my entire being is locked in a soul-shattering explosion that seems to go on forever.

I have no idea how much time passes or how many orgasms that terrible pleasure is able to tear from my body before the vibrator finally moves away. I’m shaking, crying, gasping for air and my clit is burning and twitching from the continued stimulation.

When I finally gather myself enough to open my eyes and see the on-screen chat box, I feel my heart stutter when I read some of the things people are saying.

“Fuck, she’s hot like that, I wonder if she’d survive a day strapped to a fucking machine.”

“I want to string her up and see how good of a whipping she could handle before she begs.”

“Her little clitty looks perfect for a piercing, and I could run electricity through it and really make her scream and cum.”

That last one makes me whimper and I pull my attention away from the screen, hoping that this nightmare is almost over.

“Now for a change of pace,” the man says from across the room. My eyes dart over to him and see that the men who’d brought me here are back again, rolling in a different chair, this one built like a gynecologist’s exam table with stirrups. I shake slightly in fear as they approach me and untie me before manhandling me into the exam chair. I’m too weak to even resist as they strap my body down, my feet going into the stirrups and my legs, arms, and body immobilized with straps.

The men leave and I look up at the livestream of myself, seeing how fear has made my eyes wide with gruesome anticipation. I can see clearly in the video, my clit looking so red and angry while my pussy still drips from the torment of pleasure they’d subjected me to moments before. I watch as the masked man approaches me, wheeling over a tray containing more horrible toys and devices.

He pulls a metal speculum off the tray and comes to stand before me. I’m shaking with terror, desperately trying to beg from behind the gag. He’s uncaring as he slides the device against my pussy, pushing the cold, hard metal inside of me. My back arches as my pussy fills and I whine, wishing that I didn’t find this violation pleasurable.

The man starts to crank the handle of the device, the motion forcing the speculum to open me up. I can’t help but moan, feeling an unbearable fullness start to build as the device pushes my pussy wide open. Eventually, he stops and takes a step back.

I watch through the livestream as he grabs a long, thin wand from the tray and comes back. I can feel my pussy pulsing around the speculum holding me open, and I know there’s nothing I can do to prevent whatever deranged thing he plans on doing next.

“Let’s see how she reacts to some internal stimulation.”

Without any other warning, the man slides the thin wand into me and presses a button that makes it start emitting a low pulsing vibration. He brushes against the walls of my pussy and I shake at the onslaught of pleasure. The speculum gives him easy, perfect access and the thin wand means he has every bit of precision at his disposal as he targets my most vulnerable places.

I choke on a gasp when he finds my g-spot and presses into it with heart-stopping accuracy. I feel my toes curl and my eyes roll to the back of my head as painful, unbearable pleasure overwhelms me. He turns up the wand to an unimaginable intensity and drives it into the tenderness of my pussy. I cum immediately. My pussy gushes and my juices flood out of me as the pleasure ravages my body with no mercy.

Just like with my clit, the man doesn’t let up. I’m locked in this impossible pleasure and overstimulation as my vision goes white and my body feels ripped to shreds by every orgasm that pours out of me.

When he finally stops, I don’t even feel human anymore. My mind is empty, there is absolutely nothing left other than the pure pleasure that laid waste to my entire being. I’m vaguely aware of the man announcing final call for bids but I’m too incoherent to really register what is going on around me. Suddenly, I feel a prick on my arm and slowly turn my head to watch a syringe pull out of my arm. My head spins and I feel sleep encroaching on my mind.

Just before my darkness overwhelms my vision and I sink into unconsciousness, I catch a glance of the screen and see how much money was spent on me. There’s a muted sense of astonishment. It’s more money than I could even fathom, more than I could make in a lifetime. And someone just spent it on me, in exchange for my complete ownership.

[lurkingteapot]

Every now and then I think about how subtitles (or dubs), and thus translation choices, shape our perception of the media we consume. It's so interesting. I'd wager anyone who speaks two (or more) languages knows the feeling of "yeah, that's what it literally translates to, but that's not what it means" or has answered a question like "how do you say _____ in (language)?" with "you don't, it's just … not a thing, we don't say that."

I've had my fair share of "[SHIP] are [married/soulmates/fated/FANCY TERM], it's text!" "[CHARACTER A] calls [CHARACTER B] [ENDEARMENT/NICKNAME], it's text!" and every time. Every time I'm just like. Do they though. Is it though. And a lot of the time, this means seeking out alternative translations, or translation meta from fluent or native speakers, or sometimes from language learners of the language the piece of media is originally in.

Why does it matter? Maybe it doesn't. To lots of people, it doesn't. People have different interests and priorities in fiction and the way they interact with it. It's great. It matters to me because back in the early 2000s, I had dial-up internet. Video or audio media that wasn't available through my local library very much wasn't available, but fanfiction was. So I started to read English language Gundam Wing fanfic before I ever had a chance to watch the show. When I did get around to watching Gundam Wing, it was the original Japanese dub. Some of the characters were almost unrecognisable to me, and first I doubted my Japanese language ability, then, after checking some bits with friends, I wondered why even my favourite writers, writers I knew to be consistent in other things, had made these characters seem so different … until I had the chance to watch the US-English dub a few years later. Going by that adaptation, the characterisation from all those stories suddenly made a lot more sense. And the thing is, that interpretation is also valid! They just took it a direction that was a larger leap for me to make.

Loose adaptations and very free translations have become less frequent since, or maybe my taste just hasn't led me their way, but the issue at the core is still a thing: Supernatural fandom got different nuances of endings for their show depending on the language they watched it in. CQL and MDZS fandom and the never-ending discussions about 知己 vs soulmate vs Other Options. A subset of VLD fans looking at a specific clip in all the different languages to see what was being said/implied in which dub, and how different translators interpreted the same English original line. The list is pretty much endless.

And that's … idk if it's fine, but it's what happens! A lot of the time, concepts -- expressed in language -- don't translate 1:1. The larger the cultural gap, the larger the gaps between the way concepts are expressed or understood also tend to be. Other times, there is a literal translation that works but isn't very idiomatic because there's a register mismatch or worse. And that's even before cultural assumptions come in. It's normal to have those. It's also important to remember that things like "thanks I hate it" as a sentiment of praise/affection, while the words translate literally quite easily, emphatically isn't easy to translate in the sense anglophone internet users the phrase.

Every translation is, at some level, a transformative work. Sometimes expressions or concepts or even single words simply don't have an exact equivalent in the target language and need to be interpreted at the translator's discretion, especially when going from a high-context/listener-responsible source language to a low-context/speaker-responsible target language (where high-context/listener responsible roughly means a large amount of contextual information can be omitted by the speaker because it's the listener's responsibility to infer it and ask for clarification if needed, and low-context/speaker-responsible roughly means a lot of information needs to be codified in speech, i.e. the speaker is responsible for providing sufficiently explicit context and will be blamed if it's lacking).

Is this a mouse or a rat? Guess based on context clues! High-context languages can and frequently do omit entire parts of speech that lower-context/speaker-responsible languages like English regard as essential, such as the grammatical subject of a sentence: the equivalent of "Go?" - "Go." does largely the same amount of heavy lifting as "is he/she/it/are you/they/we going?" - "yes, I am/he/she/it is/we/you/they are" in several listener-responsible languages, but tends to seem clumsy or incomplete in more speaker-responsible ones. This does NOT mean the listener-responsible language is clumsy. It's arguably more efficient! And reversely, saying "Are you going?" - "I am (going)" might seem unnecessarily convoluted and clumsy in a listener-responsible language. All depending on context.

This gets tricky both when the ambiguity of the missing subject of the sentence is clearly important (is speaker A asking "are you going" or "is she going"? wait until next chapter and find out!) AND when it's important that the translator assign an explicit subject in order for the sentence to make sense in the target language. For our example, depending on context, something like "are we all going?" - "yes" or "they going, too?" might work. Context!

As a consequence of this, sometimes, translation adds things – we gain things in translation, so to speak. Sometimes, it's because the target language needs the extra information (like the subject in the examples above), sometimes it's because the target language actually differentiates between mouse and rat even though the source language doesn't. However, because in most cases translators don't have access to the original authors, or even the original authors' agencies to ask for clarification (and in most cases wouldn't get paid for the time to put in this extra work even if they did), this kind of addition is almost always an interpretation. Sometimes made with a lot of certainty, sometimes it's more of a "fuck it, I've got to put something and hope it doesn't get proven wrong next episode/chapter/ten seasons down" (especially fun when you're working on a series that's in progress).

For the vast majority of cases, several translations are valid. Some may be more far-fetched than others, and there'll always be subjectivity to whether something was translated effectively, what "effectively" even means …

ANYWAY. I think my point is … how interesting, how cool is it that engaging with media in multiple languages will always yield multiple, often equally valid but just sliiiiightly different versions of that piece of media? And that I'd love more conversations about how, the second we (as folks who don't speak the material's original language) start picking the subtitle or dub wording apart for meta, we're basically working from a secondary source, and if we're doing due diligence, to which extent do we need to check there's nothing substantial being (literally) lost -- or added! -- in translation?

[undertheorangetree]

The Aftermath

Summary- Near death experiences have a habit of changing relationships.

Warnings- MDNI 18+ NSFW. DUBCON due to persuasion. Female reader. Arguments. Bigotry/Islamophobia. Discussions of near death experiences/trauma. Dark-ish/toxic Billy. Fingering. P in V sex.

Author's Note- Okay so I've never actually seen the show in its entirety because it's not available in my country so I'm working off the wikia and what I've seen in scenes. Please forgive any mistakes/misinformation, he looked too sad and pathetic not to write for. Full link below :)

She doesn't bother to knock when she arrives at Billy's flat, storming inside with little regard for his privacy. He had given her a key not long after he moved in, promising that she could come over whenever she wanted, though she isn't sure this is what he had in mind at the time.

She makes her way passed the trash building up at the front door, forcing her way inside and finding him exactly where she expects to, lounging on the couch with some football game playing on the TV. He sits up when he spots her in the doorway, the smile that graces his face when he sees her slowly fading when he catches sight of her expression. She is sure it is a storm, her anger obvious, but she doesn't give him a chance to speak first.

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

He looks at her blankly for a moment before a realization seems to come over him. "Lana told you then?"

"Yeah, Lana told me. What the hell were you thinking?"

He rolls his eyes, pushing forward to grab the beer bottle sitting on the coffee table and taking a swig. Her eyes catch the cuts on his knuckles, the opposite hand covered with a bloodied bandage, and watches the skin between his brows crease when the abused skin stretches. "Why does it matter to you? It's not like anyone was there anyway, was there? And you can't tell me they didn't deserve it."

"Why does it- Billy, you're not this stupid."

In all the years she's known him, she has never known him to be cruel. Quiet and insecure, surely, but never vicious. She almost hadn't believed Lana when she had called her, informing her of the one man attack he had pulled at the butcher's. It seemed so entirely out of character from the friend she had always known it nearly scared her, hearing about how he had destroyed the storefront for the crime of being owned by a Muslim family. But more than fear, it made her skin crawl, a disgust for him she had never felt toiling in her gut.

She isn't an idiot. She knows how he has been struggling lately. From his breakup with Becky to his consistent unemployment to his family ragging on him to make something of himself. Nothing has been easy for him as of late but she never would have expected him to let his rage out like this.

"If you only came here to bite my head off about it, save us both the trouble, yeah? Lana already beat you to it."

"So you don't regret it at all? Any of it?"

She wants him to say yes. And not just for the criminal record he has now contracted for it but for the guilt of screwing over innocent people. She wants him to prove that he is still her friend, to believe that he hasn't fallen down this path without so much as a blink.

He does little to assuage her fears. "What do I have to regret about it?"

Her disgust increases tenfold with that- she is grateful for it, as it manages to cover the pain of his confession- and she feels her face contort. "Why would you do it? What was the point?"

"They're the reason the world has gone to shit. It's 'cause of people like them, their whole fucked up religion. They're the animals here, not me."

She physically recoils at that, not bothering to hide her repulsion now. "Jesus Christ, Billy."

"Well I don't expect you to understand it. You're too nice, got a fucking bleeding heart for every poor bastard that walks past ya. It's 'cause of people like you that Nick and I-"

That catches her attention. "Nick? Was someone else with you when you went to the butcher?"

His face drops as if he realizes he has said something wrong but he still shakes his head as nonchalantly as he can manage. It isn't indifferent in the slightest. "Nah. Just my friend."

Read the rest here

[hindahoney]

I get a lot of questions about keeping kosher, and I've answered many questions about how to start, tips & tricks, etc, but I've never really discussed shabbat observance. So, if you're someone who is looking to introduce some more observances into your life and keeping some form of shabbat interests you, here's some advice from my own experiences of being a baal teshuva. If anyone wants to add things, feel free.

Obligatory I'm not a rabbi, this is just my experience and things I've picked up from trying to be more observant, and I highly advise speaking to a Rabbi before starting.

First, keeping Shabbat should ideally be a pleasant and relieving experience, not a chore or a burden. Shabbat is truly a gift, and I wish for every Jew that they are able to experience even a little bit of her beauty and serenity in their lives. Shabbat is a wonderful opportunity to elevate a day of the week, and spend it doing things you otherwise would feel you have little to no time for during the other busy days. It is a reminder of what's important: enjoying our lives where they are, being thankful for what we have, and spending it with those that we love. It's an opportunity to be reminded that we don't just exist to work, we are human beings who are here for a short time, and we deserve one day of peace and rest.

That being said, do not attempt every law all at once. You will inevitably get frustrated and quit. Many people who keep shabbat have done it their entire lives, so it's like second nature to them. Don't compare yourself to their level of observance if you're just starting out. I think you should also educate yourself on each of the laws of Shabbat, where they come from and why we observe them.

Start small by eliminating things one by one and lighting candles with the prayer. If you don't have it memorized, there is no shame in writing it down to have it in front of you (If you have a friend who is also interested in increasing their observance, you could go through these things together, or just invite people over for a meal!) You could start the first week by not checking emails, the next by not checking social media or texts, and slowly work your way up to not using your phone. Be sure to inform your friends, family, and if possible your work, that you will be unavailable for this day. Ditching a social media addiction is hard, it's hard to wean yourself off of constantly scrolling looking for a distraction, but it's also freeing to be able to take control again and set boundaries for yourself of when you'll be available to people and when you won't.

In addition to eliminating things, you should add activities that make you feel relaxed and happy. Focusing on your hobby or starting a new one, reading a book or the weekly parsha. Learn some shabbat songs or prayers. While I'm baking challah and preparing for the meal, I like to set the mood by having a playlist on the TV of shabbat songs. I also like to write in a journal before shabbat setting an intention for what I want to accomplish or get out of this week's observance, and once Shabbat is over I will write about what I managed to do, what I didn't manage to do, and ideas for how to make it better in the future.

Also, put tape on your light switches once you feel ready to not use electricity!! It is such a mindless thing that we do, you will turn them on and off unintentionally. Don't forget to do this on the inside of your fridge as well. It may be wise to invest in a shabbat lamp or shabbat counter-top food warmer, or timers for your light switches to avoid some problems in the future. Also, pre-tear toilet paper and paper towels or get a box of tissues, and prepare some food for the next day that doesn't need to be re-heated. It also isn't a bad idea to put a playlist on of shows or youtube videos you've been meaning to watch and keeping it running from before Shabbat, if you want that before you can eliminate it altogether.

I also advise doing something this day of the week that you don't do any other day of the week, to make it feel more special. It could be something small, like using a different tablecloth or your "special" cutlery/dishes, or giving tzedakah. Just something to make it unique from the other days.

Finally, I want to reiterate that you need to be patient with yourself. You will mess things up. You cannot "fail" at Shabbat. If you mess up, don't say "Well, I already did something wrong, I might as well not finish this week's and I'll just do it again next week." Stick with it, even if you mess up. Again, if anyone has tips for others looking to be more observant, feel free to leave them here!

[whattraintracks]

1. Watching His Favorite Movie - every iteration I've ever seen

My headcanons based on vibes and thrown together in the middle of the night

1987 Raphael

becomes the most annoying person you’ve ever watched a movie with 

ever 

has seen this movie ten dozen times, can and will quote it by heart 

would rather make fun of everything in said movie, witty one-liners galore 

all the snacks which he chews obnoxiously and loudly 

1990s Raph 

as background noise to literally anything 

once he saw it and decided yep this is my favorite he never sat down to watch it again 

he's got things to do and ain’t nobody got time to sit down and watch a movie they’ve already seen 

just has it playing while he works out or cleans his sai or does chores or whatever 

but if someone tries to turn it off he will get pissed, he was paying attention thank you very much and that was the best part 

TNM Raph 

on his own, he either gets super into it or just passes out halfway through 

with some else, he must make them understand why this is in fact the greatest movie of all time 

the kinda guy that goes wait wait wait here’s the best part and gets mad when you don’t react correctly to his favorite scenes 

the guys hate him for it because they’ve all seen this movie a million times 

but Venus has not! and he takes full advantage of that fact 

2003 Raph 

is pretty thoughtful and quiet about it 

mostly because he likes to pull it out when he’s having a low-energy day or just feeling nostalgic 

must be doing something mindless simultaneously: knitting, eating, I don’t know, laundry?

is also super insightful about it, can and will dissect the plot 

hums the soundtrack to himself for the rest of the day 

2007 Raph 

prefers to watch with at least one other person so he can ✨ discuss ✨

always uses closed captions

loves the IDEA of sneaking into theaters to see it but can’t stand watching it straight through 

frequently pauses and rewinds, especially loves extended cuts and commentaries 

will get sidetracked halfway through by video essays and online debates courtesy of Donnie

2012 Raph 

his level of enjoyment is directly proportional to the amount of scoffing 

even alone actually, it's not just a tough guy act 

it's like when you know something is objectively awful but you unironically love it anyway 

if someone misreads this as dislike or disinterest and suggests turning it off they will be threatened within an inch of their life 

hates interruptions cannot stand people who talk while watching his movie and gets really frustrated when he can’t finish watching it in one sitting 

Rise Raph 

DO NOT GET NEAR HIM 

the closest available object and/or person will become his personal teddy bear for the duration of any scene that makes him emotional 

otherwise he’s reenacting the entire thing, as a one-man show or with his siblings 

definitely knows it by heart and all of the trivia 

particularly all the obscure actors and stunt people 

M&M Raph 

so loud, oh my wow, both him and whatever device he’s watching on 

reacts every time like it’s the first time he’s seen it 

especially loses his mind if he notices something he never has before 

talks about it for hours afterwards 

will subconsciously adopt all the catchphrases and verbal quirks 

[tobi-smp]

How to watch the Dream SMP

So ! I’ve decided to take another stab at making a post laying out the options for new fans interested in the Dream Smp who don’t know where to start or where to look in the first place! We’ll be going over multiple options that will hopefully give people a rough idea of where they want to go depending on their needs!

at the risk of people scrolling past, I’m putting this under a readmore, so it can be updated as we get more information and so this isn’t an eyesore on the dash.

*This is an edit, discussing important information*

I’m leaving the majority of this post unaltered from when it was written, however I’ve taken the liberty to add information about the dream allegations directly under the cut. I’m doing this both to be informative and to express my own stance on the situation as clearly as possible.

I’m saying this under the cut because that way it’ll show up under every reblog of this post, instead of only being available in the edited version. It’s taken me a while to say this, not because I’ve been avoiding it but because I’ve needed time to process and chew on what I would actually like to say.

Dream, the real person, has been caught in a scandal that is at least partially proven to be true. He has confirmed himself that he has dmed several underaged fans, knowing they were underaged, and sent them to his snapchat to continue messaging him. The allegations beyond that are that he groomed these girls, including sending them inappropriate pictures.

There’s a post that has collected sources for this and several other (many related) incidents involving dream [Link]

[Update, November 20th 2023: a new victim has come forwards about dream, along with nsfw video evidence, tread carefully as this may be triggering [Link]]

I can’t say why this information hasn’t blown up the way that it should have. It might be in part because of the lawsuit currently on-going about said situation, it might be in part because of the fatigue involved with drama associated with dream, it might be that dream is a big enough name in the industry that people are afraid of the reaction they’ll receive if they Do speak out. I don’t know.

But what I Can say is that I have a responsibility to inform anyone potentially interested in the series so they can make informed decisions about what they want to do.

The dream smp is, ultimately, not the brainchild of one person. There are 30 odd people involved with the smp, some of the most popular of which were underage at the time the potential grooming was taking place. I would say that it’s not fair to lay the blame of the actions of one awful man at the feet of these individuals that had no part and no say in what happened.

I would Also say that the reactions from these other members are also very important, even if they don’t implicate them in the crime. The Vast majority of people associated with the server have made explicit efforts to distance themselves from dream. For some that’s been simply cutting contact with him entirely and refusing to associate with him (to interesting results on dream’s part [Link 1, Link 2]). Others speaking negatively about dream in a broader sense. And a select few who have spoken about these accusations specifically, albeit none of them in a very comprehensive way.

Is that enough? I dunno, I’m not the person to ask about the question of accountability vs privacy. I don’t know who’s Allowed to speak on it and who isn’t in regards to the court case, I don’t know whose avoiding speaking on it because of personal negative experiences with the kind of trauma that dream potentially caused, and neither does anyone else. [Link]

I can’t blame anyone who can’t involve themselves with any of the content or the creators that they associate with dream, I also can’t blame anyone who feels uncomfortable with those creators who Haven’t spoken up about the situation regardless of them not associating with dream.

However, personal comfort also isn’t the same thing as blame. At the end of the day creators need to be able to distance themselves from someone toxic and potentially dangerous when they personally haven’t done anything wrong.

That said, I Do also think it’s worth pointing out that that there Are several people who have either openly supported dream through this, or aren’t likely to ever say anything. including “the dream team” (meaning sapnap and george, his roommates and childhood friends) and badboyhalo. they’ve continued making personal content with him (Including buying a trump flag on stream as a “joke” [Link]), and in the case of sapnap and badboyhalo, they’ve openly supported dream while speaking about these allegations and speaking about other creators having dropped contact with him Related to these allegations [Link]

what does all of this mean for someone who’s potentially interested in the series? I don’t know. That’s up to the individual to decide for themselves.

I Will say, the majority of the options for viewing old content given on this post are not directly affiliated with the streamers, being channels dedicated to reuploading vods as well as compilation channels that intentionally break down the footage to make the series easier to digest. I will also say that none of the official vods channels that are linked are associated with any of the dream team.

but of course, dream himself will be in the content linked here. that’s inevitable and largely unavoidable. and if that makes anybody uncomfortable then it would probably be within their best interest not to dive any deeper into the series.

personally, I think anybody is within their right to avoid the series either for moral reasons or for their own personal comfort. I also think it’s possible to engage with the series without being held accountable for the actions the man on the tin. as a long time fan I won’t and Can’t engage with any new content, but I also can’t undo my connection to the story that I’ve sewn into my brain either. so I’m somewhere in the middle, “engaging” only through tumblr posts and ao3.

all of That said, I will be leaving the rest of this post unedited. I frankly don’t want to reread it at all, so if there’s anything below this point that is now ironic then it’s out of my hands.

2023 edit: Inniters stay winning [Link] 

so lets break down some of our options!

1: Summaries and Compilations

This is the most Accessible time wise, which is obviously Very necessary in a series like this where watching every perspective just Isn’t Possible and dedicating yourself to one story line or streamer can still be a Very daunting time commitment.

But it also means sacrificing Detail. When you filter the events through a retelling that means that whoever creates that video is choosing what’s important to tell the audience and How that information is presented to that audience, which can warp someone’s understanding of the events. this is, unfortunately, an unavoidable aspect of this option no matter how unbiased the creator is trying to be. However, there are some options that are better than others. So lets lay them out.

- Blueberry TV [Link] Blueberry TV is a channel dedicated to telling the complete story of the dream smp through clips from All perspectives on the dream smp. They don’t do commentary of their own, they don’t summarize the events, they let the clips speak for themselves. This makes them a very Accurate resource that will give a more complete view of all of the arcs than watching any individual perspective ever could, but that also means that it’s still a pretty significant time sync Because it’s a trying to show you everything.

They have a playlist for season 1 [Link], season 2 [Link], season 3 [Link], and season 4 [Link] for their complication videos that cover the major events in each season (with 3 and 4 being the thinnest because there Aren’t many major lore events).

- The Dream Smp Carrd [Link] Like blueberry tv, this project attempts to make the entirety of the dream smp accessible by breaking it up into smaller digestible clips! Unlike blueberry tv, it does so through a series of playlists collecting those clips from different sources that are all linked together in an easy to follow hub of links organized by season!

this is still a Massive time sync, even more so than blueberry tv, but it’s also more navigable. it’s easier to pick and choose what story lines you’re Specifically interested in and digging into those at your leisure thanks to the dedication to organization! this is Especially useful for smaller creators and story lines that don’t get a much of a spotlight in the main story of the smp! such as the egg arc.

it does, however, stop at season four. though that’s understandable considering the circumstances Surrounding season four.

- Wilbur’s Dream Smp Playlist [Link] This covers wilbur’s story up to the end of season one, meaning the L’manberg war through to the end of the manberg v pogtopia war (november 16th 2020). This is an excellent summary for understanding wilbur’s early story line, especially to supplement his more recent streams as a newer fan. It is, however, worth noting that this is obviously heavily filtered through wilbur’s perspective and writing style, this will give you a complete look into wilbur’s story line but not, for instance, fundy’s or tubbo’s.

- Tommyinnit Main Channel Playlists [Link 1, Link 2, Link 3] Tommy has a few playlists with videos summarizing streams and story lines on his main channel! would I Recommend these? Not Really. they exist for entertainment value, and are made so inconsistently that they don’t really function as Summaries of any given story line, let alone his character as a whole. the exile videos in particular tone down many of the darker aspects of the story, which is part of what contributes to a general misunderstanding of that story line in the fandom. they exist and you can watch them, but I wouldn’t recommend Only watching them.

- Do Not Do This People who are familiar with the dream smp may have noticed a lack of or been expecting a certain channel to appear in this section. That’s understandable, it’s one of the most well known, it’s been used and advertised by multiple streamers, it’s theoretically the most accessible resource in the fandom.

it’s also the resource that has single-handedly spread more misinformation in this fandom than any other single creator or poster there is.

Evanmcgaming is a channel dedicated to making full summary videos for the dream smp, summarizing each arc himself through voice over with professional looking graphics in a Manageable amount of time. He has also outright admitted that he intentionally leaves out entire streamers from story lines when he doesn’t find them personally interesting and to including outright False information in his videos when he thinks that’d make his storytelling more exciting.

Evanmcgaming does not summarize the dream smp, evanmcgaming Rewrites the dream smp and presents that as summaries. this is an extremely important distinction, and one that he never makes in any of his videos. from the very first video all the way through he is tweaking every single bit of information to craft a narrative based on the story that he wants to tell, and this gets worse the further his narrative drifts from the reality of what happened.

This means cutting fundy fully out of the manberg v pogtopia war despite having been an integral part of it, this means telling his audience that tommy faked his own death to trick dream at the end of the exile arc when the reality was that it was a suicide attempt that he’d decided against last minute. If you’ve only ever watched evanmcgaming’s summary of an event, it’s very likely that you’re carrying misconceptions that change the entirety of how any given story line would be understood.

I don’t blame evanmcgaming for being a teenager that made videos for fun. I am, however, haunted by the fact that he is the most well known face in this niche, and that it’s very unlikely that anybody will ever try to do what he’s doing more accurately Because he’s as well known and endorsed as he is. there are streamers on the dream smp who have watched his videos to understand the lore, some of them have streamed this process to their audience. there is no justice in this world.

2: Full VOD playlists

This option is, obviously, the most Accurate, being the raw streams completely unedited. It is, however, the least accessible as far as time is concerned and it’s not an option for most streamers. Not many of the creators have dedicated VODs channels, and not all of the streamers who upload their VODs despite that upload all of them, and while there are fan uploads it can be difficult to keep track of.

And even besides that, the accessibility of this method fluctuates wildly between streamers because of Stream Length. There are many streamers who do many multi-hour streams that aren’t guaranteed to contain any lore. It can be really difficult as a new fan to know which 3-8 hour video has what you’re looking for and Where in those 3-8 hour videos you need to look to find what you need.

To that end, lets go over some of the best options that we have right now.

Dream Team Smp VODs Playlist [Link] This is a fanmade channel dedicated to collecting streams from the dream team (meaning dream, sapnap, and george), and they’ve created a playlist for all of the early streams on the server. At 35 videos, this covers the creation of the server up to the declaration of war on l’manberg. so if you want to understand the Early history of the dream smp, what set the stage for everything that came after it and the Very early lore (meaning the disc war) from the dream team perspective this is the way to go. this is all mostly pre-canon, but it’s a good resource to have!

Tommyinnit VODs [Link] - Tommy has a dedicated VODs channel where he uploads every single one of his VODs. He doesn’t have his own dream smp playlist, but that’s where I come in. - His streams are roughly on the shorter end, mostly averaging around an hour though the absolute high is around 2 and half and the low is around half an hour. - Tommy is Heavily involved with most of the story lines on the dream smp from beginning to end. He obviously Doesn’t and Can’t see everything, but he’s one of the very few perspectives that you can watch and get a general idea of what’s generally going on with the majority of the server.   - However, while his individual streams aren’t very long (comparatively), his heavy involvement with the main story line on the server means that there’s quite a bit More to watch than some other perspectives. Currently we’re sitting at 178 videos in the playlist. - It’s also worth noting that tommy’s perspective will give you insight into dream’s character that you won’t get in full from any other perspective. If that’s what you’re interested in then it’s Most relevant during the exile arc, the disc war finale, the prison arc, and the prison escape.

Note: if Tommy’s perspective is appealing to you, but the amount of videos is overwhelming, then @zeta-in-de-walls has playlists collecting the plot relevant streams for seasons 1-3 ! [Link 1, Link 2, Link 3] This obviously means that you’ll be losing some content and some context, but it’s just a bit more digestible.

Technoblade VODs [Link] - Technoblade streamed on youtube natively, that means that all of his VODs are uploaded directly to youtube! Likewise, he has his own dedicated playlist for his dream smp streams. This makes him one of the Most accessible streamers out there. - That said, his streams do average out to be much longer than tommy’s, with the general stream coming out around two hours. The longest his streams get is 5 hours, while the shortest is around an hour. - However, techno preferred to only stream when he wanted to move his character or the plot forwards. So while his streams may be longer on average, he has much Less of them. There’s 39 in total, which makes it a much faster watch. - That said, for that reason technoblade’s perspective is both generally pretty central for pushing the overarching plot forwards, And very isolated. He’s involved in most of the major events on the server, but watching his perspective will give you very warped ideas about what’s Happening on the rest of the server Because he’s a very isolated character, especially season two onwards. which isn’t a bad thing at all ! it’s just something to be aware of while watching.

Quackity VODs [Link] and Wilbur VODs [Link] - Quackity has an official VODs channel, as well as a dedicated dream smp playlist. wilbur is the only streamer on this list that doesn’t upload his own vods, but he’s also been completely documented through fan uploads. - Quackity and wilbur have very similar stream times to tommy, though wilbur is more likely to have streams on the shorter end (half an hour to an hour) while quackity is more on the slightly longer end (one to two hours) - Conversely, the Amount they stream is more similar to techno (47 videos for quackity, and 32 for wilbur. - These two are both a sort of middle ground between tommy and techno! They’re both pretty central to the overarching narrative of the dream smp (like techno) while being more involved with other parties on the server (like tommy). Taken with tommy and/or techno’s perspectives they add more Context to the over-all narrative. - It Is worth noting that there was a large period where wilbur Did Not stream his perspective (for all of season two and a good chunk of season three), this was done for plot related reasons, but it does mean that you will be missing information about what his character was up to if you Only watch his perspective and nothing else.

It’s worth noting that niki has all of her lore streams directly available in a playlist [Link], fundy has his own VODs channel with a fan playlist for his dream smp streams [Link], and phil and tubbo both have fans attempting to collect all of their vods into playlists [Phil Link] [Tubbo Link].

ranboo also has an “official” VODs channel [Link], it isn’t run by him but it does appear to be uploading all of his VODs, however it doesn’t have a full dream smp playlist. It Does have a playlist for lore relevant streams that’s quite short [Link] and a playlist for every stream he’s ever done period, which is absurd and not recommended [Link]. That said ! there Does appear to be a fan playlist that pulled videos from a different VOD channel that attempted to collect all of his dream smp streams, though it stopped early 2021 [Link].

Karl Jacobs also appears to have a fan-run VODs channel, though it’s entirely unlisted. The twitter account associated with the channel links this playlist [Link] It’s incomplete and doesn’t appear to be in any sort of Order, but it’s there. Edit to say that there’s updated information for Karl Jacobs here ! [Link] courtesy of @jezily

I’m listing these separately because they all have Varying levels of accessibility (niki and fundy both make their perspectives really easy for fans to find, but you wouldn’t understand the major beats of the narrative by watching them. tubbo Would be a very good option for understanding most of the story on the dream smp if he actually backed up his own VODs, which he doesn’t), but they’re still Available and still worth looking into if you’re interested in the stories of the individual streamers !

likewise, just because I didn’t list a perspective here doesn’t mean that they aren’t worth watching, it just means that they aren’t Accessible. the best way to watch the dream smp is through the perspective you enjoy the most, so if you find a streamer you like then it’s perfectly valid to hunt down their VODs to sink your teeth into, it’ll just be a bit more work than the options above!

3: I want to watch Everything

So lets say your goal is to do the impossible and watch Literally Everything the dream smp has to offer indiscriminately. I wouldn’t recommend this but it’s a goal that a person could have. Lets start with the option that’s actually physically possible and work our way up.

- Blueberry TV’s Plot Playlist [Link] Blueberry’s TV’s plot playlist combines all of their compilation videos with individual clips to make a 405 video lore bomb that attempts to show you every single plot relevant moment on the dream smp in as consumable way as possible. It is physically possible to watch and would likely give whoever sat down to watch it a more complete idea of the dream smp than most people have. I don’t think I’d personally call this the most Enjoyable way to watch the dream smp, but it’s definitely the most Accessible.

- Dream SMP in Order [Discontinued] Playlist [Link] This is a playlist that attempted to collect Literally every single VOD available on youtube in order. They stopped somewhere in early 2021, frankly I’m amazed that they did this for that long. This is 964 videos long, this contains videos that are over 8 hours long. I don’t know why anyone would do this to themselves. some people may take that last statement as a challenge, and this option is for them.

- @fairy-rave [Link] Possibly the most powerful individual in this fandom. They have playlists for all of the Notable streams in the dream smp, intended to cover all of the plot relevant streams on the dream smp. They have playlists divided by season [Season 1, Season 2, Season 3a, Season 3b, Season 3c, Season 3d, Season 4] As well as one master playlist for All plot relevant streams, sitting at 905 videos [Link]

On top of that, they have playlists for Literally Every VOD They Can Find On Youtube In Order [Season 1, Season 2, Season 3, Season 4] This Comes Out To 1907 videos in total.

- @dream-smp-archives For some people, that’s just not enough. For some people, they need to inject the dream smp directly into their bloodstream. For some people, the dream smp archives is their only hope. This post will tell all [Link]

4: Tales from the Smp

What happens on the dream smp itself of course isn’t the only thing relevant to the dream smp. Karl Jacobs’ Tales from the Smp dives into both his own characters’ lore, as well as lore for the history of the land the dream smp takes place in and the gods that pull the strings behind the scenes!

I have a playlist with the full VODs ! [Link] @fairy-rave helped me recover two of them that had been seemingly lost :> thanks to them “The Masquerade” and “The Wild West” are viewable in full!

5: Animatics

The dream smp fandom has absolutely no shortage of animatics, animations, or pmvs, and if you’re interested in getting into the series odds are that’s what drew you to it in the first place!

That said, I have a playlist dedicated to laying out the dream smp story line in order through these videos (animatics, animations, pmvs, fan songs, etc!)  [Link]

[shybunnie20]

Bearded Eddie: @eddiemunsons-missingnipple

Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

★Invitation ★My Masterlist

Summary: After nine years of living separate lives and carrying the weight of unresolved emotions, destiny intervenes when you and Eddie unexpectedly cross paths at your high school reunion.

Author's Note: I've been working on this since February and I'm so proud of how it turned out.

1994 AU with no Upside Down. No use of Y/N. Established past relationship. Reader & Eddie are roughly 28 yrs old. POVs are first told separately, refer to the time stamps! Reader is depicted as introverted but it's a minor detail.

Word count: 11.4k

Warnings: MDNI 18+! Substance consumption, mentions of sex, includes swearing.

You’re not sure why you came here tonight, it’s not like high school was particularly memorable for you. Be that as it may, you’ve been feeling homesick lately and you needed an excuse to be in Hawkins. What better way to satiate a craving for nostalgia than to attend the class of 1984’s ten-year reunion?

As you stride through the double doors and enter the gymnasium, you’re taken aback by how dated it looks. Even though the light fixtures and basketball hoops have been replaced, it looks just as it had when you were here last. Judging by the meticulously buffed floor, it’s evident that the basketball team continues to receive the majority of funding.

The glossy court is dotted with circular folding tables that are draped with forest-green plastic runners. Each table has a bundle of balloons that are secured by gold foil weights. The decorations are fairly tacky but you expected nothing less. On the far end of the gym, the makeshift dance floor in front of the DJ booth lacks participation.

At the welcome table, you use the provided Sharpie to sign a sticky name tag. You blow on the wet ink to expedite the drying time because the last thing that you need is a jet-black stain on your favorite top. It feels silly to be wearing a name tag at a reunion but the harsh reality is that the majority of your graduating class doesn’t know your name; very few bothered to learn it in the first place.

While scanning the sparse crowd, your eyes land on a petite woman who is waving you over. You catch up with Mary, your junior-year lab partner. She introduces you to her husband but you swiftly lose interest in the interaction because they’re droning on about how difficult it’s been to get their son into a good preschool.

You hadn’t anticipated feeling this drained from a single conversation. You politely excuse yourself from the mind-numbing chat and scour the room for an available seat. The one that you choose has three people seated on the opposite side and they eye you while you pull out a chair. They look vaguely familiar so you flash them a polite grin. They resume their discussion without further acknowledgment of your company.

In front of you lies a pamphlet with “Go Tigers!” printed across the front in large block letters. Thumbing through the pages, you glance at the various pictures of high-achieving students who have since created prosperous careers for themselves. You look closely at the photos and then search for the individuals in the room, seeking to compare their old appearances to their present ones. It occurs to you how much beauty and fashion trends have changed in the past decade.

Most of the women here have abandoned their Aqua Net and mousse-finished perms. There are multiple pixie cuts, but what stands out the most are the emulations of the choppy and layered “Rachel haircut” from that new show Friends that your pals force you to watch with them.

You push air through your nose when you get a load of the self-appointed queen bee of your class. She’s wearing a gown that is unquestionably inspired by Princess Diana’s revenge dress. She looks ridiculous compared to the sea of casual attire surrounding her. It doesn’t surprise you though, she came from money and she likely married rich too. If anything, it would be out of character for her to be wearing jeans.

The booklet’s various snapshots make you wonder who achieved their goals or started families. Who peaked in high school and hasn't found any purpose in life? Who’s been arrested or fired from their jobs? As you reach the last page, you’re caught off guard by a large hand being placed on your shoulder. It makes you jump in your seat but when you turn to see who it is, the tension is alleviated from your body.

Scott Daley beams at you with his remarkably pearly whites. The five years of braces paid off and he’s obviously gotten professional whitening done. “Is that who I think it is?” He withdraws his hand from your shoulder and takes a half step back.

You’re enlivened as you get to your feet. “No way!” The hug is brief but not awkward. “How have you been?”

His blonde feathered brows arch gleefully at your reaction. “Not too bad,” Scott motions to the seat beside yours. “May I?”

“Yeah, of course!” After returning to your seat, you take notice of his gel-slicked waves and the ironed Polo shirt that clings to his broad shoulders.

Scott angles himself to face you and shamelessly checks you out. “You look phenomenal, truly.”

Warmth spreads across your body because you’re not used to men being so forward with you. Although, this isn’t a stranger. Scott moved into your neighborhood when you were eleven. Your mothers became close friends so naturally you wound up being the best of friends. You didn’t sit next to anyone else on the school bus or at lunch; you were practically attached at the hip.

Scott wasn’t always this handsome. When you met him, he was nerdy and excelled academically. He may have been scrawny but his competitiveness made up for his shortcomings. He was motivated by receiving awards like trophies and plaques. Scott Daley had his eye on the prize, which was attaining a perfect report card and being elected as class president. He had an insatiable hunger for success and that was something you found fascinating.

After you became freshman at Hawkins High, you grew apart. You didn’t have any classes together due to Scott being in advanced courses. As one would expect, you fell into different social groups. Rather, he joined the tennis team and buddied up with the jocks while you faded into the background and kept a low profile. There weren't any hard feelings because you naturally grew apart.

You listen attentively while Scott fills you in on his experiences. He graduated summa cum laude from the University of Notre Dame. This isn’t shocking in the slightest, it’s a very prestigious school and he certainly has the brains to thrive in such a setting. He mentions having invested in a starter company that took off and now he gives entrepreneurial seminars around Indiana. Scott also mentions that he’s divorced with no kids.

It’s a relief to hear that the relationship with his high school sweetheart didn’t work out because you’re in the same boat, minus getting married and divorced. You’re glad that you’re not the only one here who’s companionless. It’s embarrassing to attend get-togethers like these as a single person but you’re feeling less insecure now that you know Scott has already had a failed marriage by the age of 28.

When he begins to gab about the parasailing classes he’s been taking, you gradually zone out. You don’t mean to but you can’t listen to the rambling any longer. Even though you’re visibly on another planet, Scott obliviously continues with how great his life has been. You immediately regret glancing away.

Your lungs are packed to the brim with fine sand and your throat fills like the stem of an hourglass. You didn’t anticipate seeing him.

Eddie looks older, even from a distance. The deeply set lines under his eyes make him look tired but the dark scruff brings an enticing liveliness to his fair complexion. His boyish charm is long gone but he’s a sight for sore eyes nonetheless. Eddie’s charcoal dress shirt is undone four buttons from the neck, revealing the band tee he’s wearing underneath it. An eyebrow and nose piercing is a tricky look to pull off but it suits him. The array of black tattoos that adorn his veiny forearms is on display from his lazily rolled-up sleeves.

His left arm is slung around the shoulders of a dark-haired woman while he converses with two other people. When Eddie flashes his signature smile, your heart is carved from its rightful place in your chest. You’ve tried so hard to forget how much you missed being the reason he beams; back then, he only smiled like that for you. Up until now, you were fully convinced that you’d gotten over him. Yet, being merely fifteen feet away from Eddie causes bitterness to unearth. The resentment was buried but it never decomposed.

The woman can’t possibly be his wife because you vividly recall that Eddie didn’t subscribe to the concept of marriage. It’s not that he thought there was anything wrong with it per se. In the midst of one of his innumerable non-conformist rants, Eddie expressed that neither a ring nor ceremony is necessary to prove your devotion to someone. He made a good point because signing a certificate doesn’t lower the chances of a devastating breakup. Scott can certainly speak to that.

It wasn’t a big deal to you and if anything, you were indifferent toward his take on the topic. You agreed that vowing fidelity doesn’t have to be lavish and elaborate. But there was a small part of you that imagined a special day where you get to feel like a princess. The desire wasn’t all-consuming and by no means something that you strived for. Even so, it stung to know that wasn’t what your future with Eddie was going to look like. All in all, he wasn’t the marriage type and you accepted that.

A pair of binoculars would be awfully useful to check this lady’s finger for a ring, just to be sure. You’re struggling to put a name to the face. Her hair color is modern but her crunchy roller-curled bangs are a blast from the past. That’s the detail that yields the recollection of her identity.

Karie West. You had classes together but you never saw her and Eddie exchange so much as a glance. She was at the bottom of the upper-crust crowd because her family has run the local hardware store for generations. Not exactly brag-worthy but it made her somebody. Eddie and Karie are an odd pairing but maybe his preferences changed. To be fair, she’s pretty and you don’t recall having an issue with her back in the day. She wasn’t anything to write home about but she was nice enough. The real question is, did he raise his standards or did she lower hers?

Is Eddie sweet to her like he was to you? Do they talk about the future like you and Eddie did? He used to insist that you’d join Corroded Coffin on the road when they inevitably made it big. Over the years, you kept an eye on the tabloids at the supermarket to see if his band made their way onto the front covers.

Initially, you arranged to start your lives together after graduation but the plan was squashed. You walked the stage to get your diploma but Eddie didn’t. You stayed in Hawkins for another year and worked odd jobs while you waited for him to finish school. You sacrificed your personal goals to support him but Eddie didn’t graduate in 1985 either.

When it came down to it, you couldn’t bear to continue setting your aspirations aside when Eddie showed no initiative to pursue his diploma. In due course, a letter came in the mail informing you that you’d been awarded a full-ride scholarship to the university of your dreams. 

You and Eddie talked about a community college that was three towns over but that wasn’t what you wanted. You knew you wouldn’t reach your full potential if you went that route. There were a lot of things that you wanted for your future and Eddie was one of them. At the time, you assumed that he would be ecstatic to hear the news regarding the incredible opportunity you’d been presented with.

It was a toasty summer evening. and like most days, you were lounging around and basking in the adoration you had for one another. His heavy-lidded mocha eyes studied your face while you snorted at his jokes. On your twin-size bed, Eddie was laying on his back with you nestled comfortably under his arm. He was sharing the ideas that he had for his next tattoo. You drew the concepts he described onto the velvety skin of his forearm with your fingertip. Eddie’s eyes fluttered closed as your featherlight touch painted your interpretations in his mind. At some point, you excused yourself to use the bathroom. Upon your return over a minute later, your heart stopped when you saw the cream-colored paper in his grip. “Are you shitting me?” he boomed with a piercing glare. “You’re fucking leaving?” “Hold on, let me explain-” You stepped forward to capture his free hand but he yanked it away before contact could be made. “I don’t see anything that needs explaining.” Eddie’s eyes had never looked more ablaze. “This school is hundreds of miles away. What happened to our plan?” His nostrils flared and his jaw clenched as he boomed. “God, all you ever do is think about yourself. What about me, you’re just gonna leave me here?” Your red-rimmed eyes conveyed the harm done by the biting tone of his voice. “Why would you say something like that?” The blood in your veins began to boil and your face became feverish. “You don’t need to get so upset. We’re gonna make it work, we’ll talk on the phone every day and you’ll come to visit me during the holidays.” Eddie scoffed and crossed his arms with no regard for the letter being crumpled under his bicep. “You’ve convinced yourself it’ll be that easy, huh? You’ve lost your mind if you think being this far apart will be a piece of cake.” “I need to take this scholarship,” your eyes welled and your voice began to break. The defensiveness withered away with each word that you spoke. “This is a huge opportunity for me.” “I had no clue that you wanted to get outta here so damn bad.” Eddie’s voice dropped to a growl. “You weren’t even gonna tell me, were you?” You bunched the bottom of your shirt into your fist and squeezed so hard that your knuckle cracked. “I was going to but I was afraid of you reacting like this.” Eddie’s frown deepened. “Y’know what? I’ll make this easy for you then.” He crushed the letter into a ball and dropped it at your feet. “Since you’re doing what’s best for you, I’m gonna do what’s best for us.” Eddie stepped around you and stopped in the doorway. “We’re through. So uh- good luck with everything.”

In 103 seconds, the years you’d spent together were thrown to the wayside. You couldn’t wrap your head around how easily he threw in the towel at the mere proposal of attempting long distance. Apparently, you weren’t worth the trouble.

From thereon out, every waking moment was nothing short of hollow. For a week following the event, you stayed near the phone; but when it rang, it wasn’t him. You half-expected Eddie to show up with a teddy bear or a bouquet but he didn’t. Despite not being the one who ended things, the guilt picked at you like a vulture until your bones were clean. You didn’t mean for him to feel like you were putting your career before him.

Leaving the house was a rare occurrence given that you rarely got out of bed. Taking care of yourself wasn’t a priority. You were either eating too much or too little and the same went for your sleep pattern. Everything was in excess or deficit with no in-between. There were so many tear-soaked tissues on the floor around your bed that it looked like a gathering of white doves surrounding your place of blubbering. It was ironic, really. Doves are often seen as a symbol of tranquility and you felt anything but at peace.

Before then, you thought it was cliché when heartbreak was described as losing a part of yourself but you finally understood. Beneath the layers of blankets, you were splayed out as though your mattress was a sidewalk and you’d just plunged from the top floor of a skyscraper. Miraculously, you were alive but the impact left you broken in every way possible.

There were a few times that you picked up the receiver but you stopped yourself before dialing his number. Consequently, no contact was made for the two months leading up to your departure. In the fall of 1986, you left Hawkins and didn’t look back.

Being each other's first love, you and Eddie shared an irreplaceable bond. He was your reference point when it came to matters of the heart. In a world full of options and roads to take, you could’ve been anything but you wanted to be his again.

It took a while but you got back in the saddle. The mediocre dates outnumbered the satisfactory ones. You had a handful of boyfriends but none of the relationships got serious enough for you to meet their folks. You struggled to fully invest yourself even when they were the perfect gentleman who cared about you. They were nice but they weren’t Eddie.

You knew that you’d be okay someday. It took two years for the ball and chain to rust through entirely. While the ache may resurface from time to time, it has dwindled to a dull throbbing. Whenever the pain begins to swell, you remind yourself of how much you’ve achieved on your own. Hell, brushing off the hurt has gotten you this far.

Seeing Eddie canoodle Karie is driving you to question if you ever healed at all. Perhaps you merely fooled yourself into believing that you moved on. By the looks of it, Eddie is fulfilled being with her. You’re curious about what he remembers. Does he know your birthday or the color of your eyes? Has he forgotten the nickname that he called you so frequently that it made your real name sound unfitting?

With a subtle shake of your head, you concentrate on Scott, determined to divert your thoughts away from Eddie. As Scott continues his story of riding Vespas in Italy, you nod and grin, doing your best to feign interest and play it off as though you have been fully engaged this whole time. It’s difficult to fight the urge to sneak another glance at Eddie.

Despite your best efforts, your eyes betray you. They dart back in his direction. His curls, once a beloved characteristic, look soft and shiny. The chocolate coils cascade around his features like the delicate branches of a willow tree. Your mind conjures images of him carefully tending to them with care.

Eddie looks down at Karie and says something to her. In response, she kisses the hand of his that’s dangling off of her shoulder. Eddie and Karie's interaction, their seemingly effortless interaction, twists your guts like a saturated towel being wrung out until it’s bone dry. You wish she’d rip the look of contentment off of his face.

The overwhelming urge to avoid any potential encounter with Eddie intensifies. You don’t know what you’d say to him. As the pain of seeing Eddie persists, you use Scott as a lifeline to anchor yourself in the present. His animated gestures and stories offer an escape from the thoughts that threaten to consume you. He's going on about how your moms are still good friends and they started a book club together. As Scott mentions their current choice of reading material—a steamy romance novel—you can't help but feel a flicker of amusement at the wiggle of his eyebrows.

After your laughter dies down, Scott continues to ramble. His incessant words enter one ear and exit the other without leaving a trace. He’s like a chattering teeth toy that’s been wound up too tightly. You're acutely aware of Eddie’s proximity and it’s like an invisible weight on your chest. The mere thought of him conjures emotions you've been desperately trying to keep at bay. It's a delicate balance between acknowledging his existence and avoiding the sorrow that accompanies it.

The intro of "Heat of the Moment" fills the air, sending a jolt through your body. The song paints the picture of a time when it was your anthem, the soundtrack to your relationship with Eddie. But now it feels like a cruel twist of fate to hear it playing. As the thumping beat reverberates through the speakers and the lyrics echo around the room, it becomes harder to maintain your composure. You can’t remember the last time you heard it but it surely hadn’t hurt this much. In great need of space to collect yourself, you place your hand on top of Scott’s. The touch halts his self-absorbed rambling.  “Would you excuse me for a moment?”

Sensing your distress, he looks at you with concern and his self-centered demeanor fades. “Sure thing,” Scott nods before sparking up a conversation with the trio seated across from him.

You weave around clusters of people until you find yourself in a less populated area. The sound of chatter and laughter recede into the background as you approach a short table adorned with generic-looking tiger decorations that are undoubtedly meant for children’s parties. The three-tier stand has been picked over but there are a few remaining cupcakes that have H’s messily piped in orange frosting on top. Across the backside of the table is a tri-fold presentation board with photos taken by the yearbook staff stapled to it. Yet again, you look at the faces of people who didn’t give your existence much thought. While you look closely at the images, you don’t realize that you’re humming along to the song.

The two asshats conversing with Karie are as uninterested in Eddie as he is in them. Rather than actively engaging in the dialogue, he adopts a passive approach by making occasional sounds that mimic agreement. He’s trying to make this experience as painless as possible.

He’s in attendance against his will but he’d rather be here than to have Karie on his case about her feeling humiliated for attending by her lonesome. Unlike her, Eddie doesn't place a great deal of importance on his reputation or what others think of him. It's one aspect of his character that remains unchanged.

Eddie observes the lively scene unfolding before him. He watches as people mingle and sip generic brand punch from disposable cups. His line of sight sweeps the seating arrangements and he does a double take. It feels like an arrow spears his chest and his heart is the bullseye. “Apple,” He breathes out with his mouth narrowly agape. Apple of my eye.

As Eddie looks you over, he takes note of how your appearance looks effortful and your jewelry pairs perfectly with your outfit. The subtle differences that time has brought make him yearn to acquaint himself with them. The dark circles below your eyes defy the light layer of makeup that’s been applied to conceal them. Your hair, styled in a way that accentuates your features, beckons his fingers to play with it.

He marvels at you, his eyes tracing the contours of your form. Eddie knew that you wouldn’t look the same if he saw you again but your mature beauty is throwing him for a loop nevertheless.

You’re talking to someone. He looks familiar but Eddie isn’t sure who he is. Sam? Brett? Who the hell cares, what’s for certain is that this dude is a hunk. His shirt is immaculate, devoid of any wrinkles. His facial hair is precisely trimmed to create a sharp edge along his jaw. Eddie's hand instinctively glides over his scruff and he regrets not touching it up while getting ready.

Judging by the way you’re engaging with him, it’s plain to see that this guy is your boyfriend or maybe even your husband. But since when are you into the athletic type? Obviously, the man is mindful of the food he eats and has a consistent workout routine.

Eddie looks down at his bicep, which rests behind Karie's head, and a wave of insecurity washes over him. He convinces himself that he is not toned enough to meet your preferences. You used to love the slight pudge of his belly but you probably wouldn’t find his physique attractive anymore. Ever the hypocrite, Eddie grits his teeth when your hand grasps the man’s forearm. Your laugh cuts through the noise and sends a pang through Eddie’s core.

He feels selfish for wanting the meathead to kick you to the curb and leave you so heartbroken that you come crawling back to him. Eddie could save the day and treat you well like he always intended. Is this guy keeping you comfortable and ensuring that your needs are met? Does he spoil you with gifts and shower you with affection?

He hates that he hasn’t seen or made you smile like that in so long. He tried to forget how much he missed the little things. He can’t remember the way your perfume smelled but he reminisces about the way it used to fill him with light. It was invigorating to smell, touch, and taste you. You had a way of flooding Eddie’s senses that was borderline addicting. You were oxygen to him and you breathed him back to life when he felt deflated. Throughout the years, Eddie had been holding his breath as he navigated life without you. Finally, seeing you as beautiful as ever, he feels like he can breathe again.

He wonders how you’ve changed. Above all, he hopes that your infectious laugh, with its distinctive snort that he adored, hasn’t gone away. He’s itching to walk over but Eddie finds himself restrained by Karie. He feels a sense of restlessness from how badly he wants to engage with you.

Karie looks up at him and asks a question but he doesn’t comprehend what she says. Eddie clears his throat, “Yeah, that’s true.” He throws in a light chuckle and that sells it. She kisses the top of his hand and he feigns a grin at her affectionate gesture. The sensation of her lips pursed against his hand makes his skin crawl more than it usually does. Eddie imagines that they’re your lips instead. He knows that her gesture is for show. She’s not remotely this lovey-dovey behind closed doors. Karie is portraying the image of a stable relationship for people who could give a shit about her love life.

Eddie believes that you left Hawkins because you didn’t have faith in his third try at graduating. You left because he wasn’t good enough of a reason to stay. The argument you had flipped on the defense mechanism switch in his brain. It was a means of self-preservation and he protected himself in the only way he knew how. While this impulsive act may have prevented you from initiating the breakup somewhere along the line, it didn't diminish the pain of losing you.

When he got back to his trailer shortly after the fight, Eddie tore his bedroom apart to frantically collect any item that had anything to do with you. Within the jumbled mess of hair accessories and mismatching socks were the tangible reminders of your shared attachment—a skull ring you had given him on his previous birthday, folded notes, and Polaroids that were once lovingly taped to his mirror.

Eddie couldn’t bring himself to throw any of it away because it all meant so much to him. He simply couldn't bear to have any reminders of you lingering around. The keepsakes were dumped into a wilted shoebox and stuffed in the far back corner of the hallway closet. By stashing it away, Eddie was shielding himself from the sharp sting of abandonment that he feared would accompany their presence. He hoped that by removing the mementos, he could somehow free himself from the emotional burden that they carried.

Eddie may not have fit the mold of a traditional Prince Charming, but he regarded you as his princess in the imperfect fairytale that you lived in. Truthfully, he was flawed and so was the relationship. Some arguments started over trivial matters such as Eddie chewing with his mouth open after you asked him to stop countless times. There were instances that you reminded him politely but sometimes you were less than patient.

That’s one of your flaws that drove Eddie up the wall. It seemed that no matter what he did, there was a sense of dissatisfaction or criticism. Be that as it may, he accepted that it was part of the exchange. You hated shit that he did and he felt the same way toward your bad habits. No romance is without its trials and tribulations. The various points of conflict proved that love is not smooth sailing at all times. It requires effort, compromise, and understanding from both parties.

Occasionally, you would go to sleep mad at each other. When that was the case, Eddie insisted on saying “I love you” and exchanging a goodnight kiss. It didn’t matter if it was brief, on the cheek, or over the phone. He made certain that you never went to bed without a manifestation of his devotion. These acts of reassurance served as a testament to Eddie's refusal to let negative emotions overshadow the deep affection he held for you. Eddie ensured that you didn't spend the night in your respective bedrooms drowning in tears or overthinking every word that had been said in the heat of the moment. The first and only time he broke that commitment was the day he discovered the acceptance letter.

Despite not handling the situation well, Eddie wasn’t usually immature. He always listened intently when you spoke to him. He nodded and maintained eye contact to make certain that you knew he heard and supported you. One thing Eddie had to learn how to do was to stop giving unsolicited advice. It was a habit that stemmed from his discomfort with unresolved problems. It was challenging for him to refrain from trying to find solutions when handling a situation that seemed potentially fixable. However, Eddie gained awareness of his shortcoming when he realized that you stopped confiding in him about the girls who teased you in PE.

It was a love of such great intensity that many adults struggle to comprehend, let alone handle it if they are fortunate enough to find it.

After the season transitioned from crisp to bitter, Eddie went looking for a new way to keep himself warm. You were the only partner he’d had and he would’ve been content rolling around with you for the rest of his days. But you gave up on him, so he did whatever he had to in order to keep the loneliness away. To the best of his ability, Eddie avoided the memory of you by sidetracking himself with pretty faces. Engulfed in a string of one-night stands, he found himself desperately chasing the elusive feeling he experienced with you.

No rebound was going to help Eddie get over you. He realized that if he was going to live without you, he’d be miserable at best. Engaging in casual encounters did little to alleviate the emptiness within him. Instead, it merely provided a temporary surge of dopamine. This fleeting pleasure offered a brief distraction until he moved on to the next woman and endured yet another night without you.

Your lips left a watermark that couldn’t be washed away with time. Your touch was delicate as if you were scared he would shatter in your palms; but it wasn’t your touch that could break him, it was the loss of it. Eddie has been nothing short of broken since. You hold the key to the vulnerable part of his being. Behind a heart-shaped padlock lies his compassionate, goofy, and gentle side. A side that has remained locked away since you left.

Fortunately, Eddie earned his diploma on his third try after shedding blood, sweat, and tears. Regardless of his initial determination to leave Hawkins following graduation, Eddie didn’t take the leap. He realized that if he left, you would have no way of finding him. Despite the painful way things ended between you, he made a sacrifice, forfeiting the opportunity for a brighter future in the hopes that you might reappear in his life someday.

Sleeping around became tiresome so he reluctantly agreed to go on a blind date with Karie. It would be a stretch to say that he actively chose to continue seeing her. Following their dinner together, Karie became an unabating presence in his life, akin to a persistent house fly buzzing in his ear. She frequently called him, making her pursuit of him abundantly clear. Eddie found himself lacking the motivation to address and shut down her behavior, indifferent to the situation that unfolded.

At first, he was confused by her persistence because what would someone like her want to do with someone like him? She had run through all of the eligible bachelors in Hawkins, only to drive them away with her insufferable behavior, leaving Eddie as her last option. They’ve been on and off for so long that it’s merely routine at this point. He has no desire to try his luck dating other women. No matter how unhappy she makes him, it’s better than being alone. With Karie, the good times are okay at best. She has a tendency to instigate senseless arguments, seemingly for the sheer thrill of drama.

On top of that, the sex isn’t mind-blowing by any means, which hardly makes it worth it. For Eddie, it’s emotionless and strictly physical relief. He couldn’t get invested if he tried because of how controlling she is, inside and outside of the bedroom. When they’re in the car together he doesn’t get to tune the radio to the station that he likes. She dictates his plans and makes sure every moment of his free time is spent with her.

Eddie chose mistreatment over being lonely and longing for the girl he pushed away. Karie is a welcome distraction, albeit a toxic one, from what he really wants. Even if he could only be your pen pal or someone you get coffee with while you visit on occasion, he’d take the chance in a heartbeat. He’s bruised from years worth of kicking himself for letting you go.

Part of Eddie knew that you were unlikely to return to Hawkins, but he couldn't help but hold onto a glimmer of hope. Each year, he would check the phone book and search for any sign of you. It was wishful thinking but he couldn’t let go. On occasion, Eddie asked around town in the hopes of gathering any tidbits concerning your whereabouts or how you were doing. His inquiries yielded no substantial leads or insights that could provide a glimpse into your life.

Eddie wonders how much time passed before you moved on. He can't help but hope that you touched yourself to the thought of him, that you cried into your pillow pretending it was his chest instead. He hopes that hearing your song kept the memories from eroding.

The absence of your light cast a shadow over Eddie's days, leaving him immersed in a perpetual state of darkness. He found himself trapped in a world of thunder and gray skies, where the vibrant colors of life had faded to muted shades. At night, as he lay in bed, Eddie's thoughts would inevitably drift back to the way it felt to hold you in his arms.

It shouldn’t have been goodbye, it certainly didn’t have to be. The discovery of the letter hit Eddie like a punch to the gut. It was a farewell, one that would unfold gradually. He was confronted with the painful truth that people inevitably walk out of his life. It was an inevitable pattern, one he had encountered time and again. Friends had drifted away, relationships had crumbled, and now it seemed you that you too, were going to outgrow him.

As the years went by, Eddie thanked himself for holding onto the shoebox of keepsakes; it was all that he had left to cherish. You were god knows where doing god knows what. The only place Eddie could find you was in his dreams and in that box. The selfishness didn’t falter as the regret heightened. He crossed his fingers for your plans to go up in flames, for you to flunk your classes so that you would have no choice but to move back home. If by chance you did return, he intended to do everything in his power to show you how sorry he was.

Eddie zoned out while a cyclone of feelings tore up his ability to stay present with Karie under his arm. He’s been so caught up in his head that he’s practically vibrating. As if the universe has decided to spare him, “Heat Of The Moment” begins to blare from the speakers. Eddie’s eyes snap to your table but you’re nowhere to be seen. His panicked eyes scan the floor for the pair of legs that never failed to make him drool.

As if luck is on his side tonight, Karie’s voice cuts through the noise. “I need to use the ladies' room.”

“I’ll be here.” Eddie shrugs and watches Karie walk toward the restrooms. He spots you hurrying past a group of people. In this charged atmosphere, surrounded by the whispers of what could have been, Eddie has to make a decision. Is he going to take the leap and risk further heartache or let the moment slip away, forever wondering what might have been? Apparently, Eddie’s feet have a mind of their own because he’s going after you at a moment’s notice.

His scuffed sneakers squeak against the polished floor as he weaves with determination coursing through his veins. Eddie mutters, “Excuse me,” when he bumps into someone but he doesn’t stop moving until he finds you checking out the snack table display. As he steps closer, he gets déjà vu from being drawn to you the same way he was the first time he noticed you.

On a gloomy Friday in September during sophomore year, Eddie was in U.S. history when he was hit with inspiration. Ideas for a campaign flickered in his mind and he needed to capture them before they slipped away. While he scribbled, Eddie momentarily tuned out the ongoing presentation that was being delivered by his classmate. He was fully immersed in the realm of his imagination as he jotted down strategies and visual concepts.

Not long after his pencil hit the paper, Eddie felt a tap on his shoulder. Looking up, he saw Mr. Gatlin standing beside him with disapproval stamped on his face. Eddie tried to explain that he was taking notes for his own project, hoping to avoid any consequences. Mr. Gatlin was unconvinced and wrote him a detention slip.

In the designated classroom for the disciplinary measure were three other students who, like him, were slouched at their desks. Eddie kept himself busy by filling out the form that he needed to submit to start a new club. The blank space on the paper seemed to mock him, taunting his inability to come up with a clever club name. As Eddie's thoughts swirled around, he was abruptly brought back to reality by the sound of your voice softly greeting the teacher. With a lifted gaze, Eddie watched how you interacted with her, offering a respectful salutation instead of presenting a dismissive attitude like the average disgruntled student would.

His eyes traced the contours of your profile while you settled into a desk near the door. He couldn’t recall seeing you around, you seemed detached from any particular social clique. Eddie could tell that you didn't dress to conform or uphold a particular image. There was a refreshing authenticity about you. It was clear to him that you weren't shy. Rather, you preferred to avoid unnecessary attention.

It was as if a dormant part of him had suddenly awakened and the self-consciousness gnawed at him. His hair, which he had been growing out, was at an awkward length as it fell just above his earlobes. He frowned at his reflection in the nearby window, noticing the acne that bespeckled his complexion. He examined his shirt for any visible signs of wear and tear. The insecurities crept in, making him question whether his appearance was enough to catch your eye.

Eddie spent the entire hour utterly captivated by how cute you were. As the teacher announced dismissal and you gathered your belongings, his heart sank. He had the chance to make a move but his nerves got the best of him and he was rooted to his seat. The desire to go after you to introduce himself tugged at him. Eddie was stuck on all the reasons why he shouldn't. What if you didn't want to be approached? What if you had somewhere to be or you weren't interested in getting to know someone new? He berated himself for letting his insecurities hold him back.

That following Monday, Eddie was tardy to fifth-period study hall and when he lifted his eyes from his shuffling feet, his heart leaped in his chest. There you were in the far back corner of the classroom. As it turns out, you’d been in his class the entire semester. The teacher asked Eddie to take a seat. He swore under his breath and smoothed down his frizzy hair while he sauntered over to the available desk beside yours.

Eddie settled and a creak resonated through the otherwise silent classroom. You remained in your own world, engrossed in the act of doodling. He respected the reminder from the teacher to maintain silence, understanding that this was not the opportune time to introduce himself.

He stole glances at your notebook, intrigued by the abstract shapes and lines that decorated the page. They held a certain allure, a reflection of the intricacies of your mind. It was as though he was stepping into your dimension, one where vulnerability and creativity intertwined. Eddie felt a connection with you. He understood that sometimes, amidst the pressures and expectations of daily life, it was important to allow yourself to breathe and simply be. At the end of class, Eddie once again watched you gather your things and leave. Instead of being hard on himself for letting you go once more, he became eager.

The next morning, Eddie got out of bed early to spend more time on his appearance. He aimed to look and smell his best because he was finally going to put himself out there. Bouncing through his day with a spring in his step, Eddie made his way to the classroom. As he settled in the desk next to you, he intentionally made more noise than necessary. He rummaged through his backpack and shuffled the contents but you didn’t pay him any mind.

As Eddie tore a sheet of paper from his notebook, the sound echoed through the classroom, drawing disapproving glances from your classmates. With his slightly chewed-up number two pencil, Eddie wrote a message on the first line. He held his breath as he slid the sheet onto your Trapper Keeper. For a few heart-pounding seconds, everything else seemed to fade into the background. He had yet to exhale, watching as you picked up the note and read Eddie’s messy penmanship.

The furrow in your brow softened. In that instant, the ice that surrounded you began to melt. The brief moment of eye contact felt electrically charged. He swam in the hue of your irises as he looked past your initially withdrawn disposition. When your toothy smile took shape, it tugged on his heart. To him, you were more than just a pretty girl; you welcomed him with open arms, free of repulsion or fear.

The minutes ticked away while the paper was passed between you like a messenger. It was a blank canvas transformed into a heavily graffitied wall. High school had been nothing short of cruel to him so far, so he needed a friend. When the bell rang, Eddie folded the paper and tucked it away into his backpack where it would be safe. From thereon out, a mute dance evolved between the two of you on a daily basis. The restrictions of the no-talking rule seemed inconsequential as you found other ways to communicate, transcending the need for talking.

In times of solitude and introspection, Eddie has sought solace in those pages. Like a worn-out book, he knows them by heart, having reread them countless times. Whenever he opens that shoebox and unfolds those precious notes, he’s transported back to the time when his life was in technicolor. They became more than ink on a page. Each word, each scribble, carried the significance of your history.

It’s quieter by the snack table. The closer Eddie gets to you, the wetter his shirt feels. His palms begin to tremble as the adrenaline in his system kicks up. The sensation feels eerily similar to the pre-show jitters he used to get back in the day when he and his bandmates would take the stage at The Hideout. Eddie takes another step and now he can hear that you're quietly singing along to the song. He can’t stop himself from singing with you.

As his familiar voice reaches your ears, a mix of emotions well up within you, causing a lump to form in your throat. With a quick intake of breath, you turn around and put on a mask of surprise as if you hadn't been staring at him with his girlfriend. “Eddie!”

“Hey, you.” He purrs, casually holding his arms open. He wishes he’d taken a second to rehearse what he was going to open with but there’s no going back now.

At first, you’re rigid when he goes in for a hug. But once his hands find your waist, you instinctively wrap your arms around his neck. Eddie's embrace tightens, lifting you slightly off the ground. Being lifted onto your tippy toes ignites a playful giggle and you bury your face in his silky curls. His chuckle rattles against your chest, the sound creating a soothing vibration that rolls deep within you. You nuzzle up to him as you melt. Being wrapped in each other's arms feels like a balm for the wounds of the past.

Eddie is a little too high to be on his best behavior. Your natural scent evokes a sense of nostalgia and comfort. The fragrance of your perfume adds a layer to the intoxicating mix, its fresh and mature notes entice him. Your bodies feel different pressed together but just like puzzle pieces, they only fit with their corresponding piece. Being chest to chest, your hearts dare to relink.

He guides your feet back to the floor and loosens his grip, splaying his palms flat on the small of your back. When your eyes meet, you feel like you’re anywhere but in the musty gym. You don’t miss the way his gaze flickers down to your lips and you can’t help but do the same.

“Edward,” Karie says loudly, her voice laced with possessiveness as if she’s his mother.

Promptly pulled out of his lustful trance, Eddie releases you and steps back. A rough clearing of his throat breaks the stillness. He turns to face Karie and consciously composes himself by donning an innocent expression, aiming to hide the intensity of what just transpired. “Yeah, babe?” The pet name tastes sour as it rolls off of his tongue.

Karie loops her left arm around his right one and tugs him close. “Who’s this?” She doesn’t blink once while she looks you over from head to toe.

You nearly scoff because you refuse to believe that she doesn’t remember you. The audacity to pretend that she doesn’t know you were his girlfriend for four years. You can see right through her poised and cordial exterior. She’s intimidated because she knows how much you meant to him, and you’re not wrong about that. One day, Karie was being nosey and snooped around Eddie’s trailer while he was outside tinkering under the hood of her car. The desire to uncover any hidden secrets of his past compelled her to dig deeper, disregarding any boundaries of privacy. She came across the stash underneath his bed, nearly camouflaged by dirty clothes and junk food wrappers. The shoebox, once a privately kept capsule of young love, laid open before Karie. She knew exactly what she’d found.

Before Eddie can give a proper introduction, you outstretch your hand to her and do it yourself to see how long she’ll play dumb. You refuse to let Karie's facade deceive you, remaining steadfast in that she’s well aware of the impact you’ve had on his life.

Eddie scratches the back of his neck and stares down at the floor while Karie repeats your name as if it tastes familiar but she can’t quite place it. She’s drawing out her performance but Eddie hasn’t picked up on it in the slightest. He isn’t any good at detecting subtlety. When you were together, he had to be told how you were feeling because he’s “not a mind reader.” Poor thing, he truly thinks that Karie has no idea who you are.

Her burgundy-painted lips curl inauthentically, revealing her somewhat crooked teeth. “Oh! We had algebra together, right?”

You let out a sound that resembles amusement, though the irritability with her bitchiness is evident. “No. American Literature, actually.”

She considers arguing that you’re the one who’s misremembering but Eddie pipes up before she has the chance. “Would either of you ladies like some punch?”

Karie says “No,” without taking her eyes off of you.

From the heat of her stare, the moisture in your mouth has evaporated. You meet Eddie’s gaze and grin warmly. “Sure, I could go for some.”

He leans in and winks, “Want me to spike it?”

You giggle and nod in reply. Eddie shoots you with finger guns and then walks away to the nearby table that houses the beverages. In his absence, it becomes apparent how much he was buffering the tension. It skyrockets and Karie’s glare is unwavering. Regardless of how uncomfortable she’s making you, you offer her pleasantness to glower at. “Well, it looks like you’ve been taking care of yourself.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She snarls while folding her arms across her chest.

Thankfully, Eddie returns with the two cups of fruit punch and he hands them both to you. You hold them steadily as Eddie pulls a small flask from his sneaker. With practiced precision, Eddie adds a dash of the mystery liquor to one of the cups, while the other receives a more generous pour of two shots' worth. Oblivious to Karie's scoff and eye roll, Eddie remains focused on his task, unaware of the disapproval emanating from her.

Eddie takes the stronger cup and taps the lip of it against your own. “Cheers,” He grins before chugging the entirety of the concoction.

You take a small sip and watch as the flushed sunset crawls across Eddie’s neck. As you go to take another sip, Eddie gently lifts the bottom of your cup to encourage you to swig instead. Your eyebrows lift in surprise but you do what he wishes while he smiles goofily at you.

Now that you’ve swallowed enough to really taste it, you can tell that his palette has evolved. The bitter scald sends a shiver down your spine and you squeeze your eyes closed. A cough bubbles from your throat, bringing the earthy pine flavor back up with it. Eddie pats your back through your coughing fit as if it’ll help but he knows it won’t. It’s simply an excuse to touch you.

“Thanks,” You clear your throat. “That’s some strong stuff, pretty different from your Blue Ribbon days.” Back then, Eddie swore that Pabst’s Blue Ribbon Beer was the nectar of the gods and he vowed to drink it to his grave. Eyeballing the remainder of the tainted punch in your cup, you try to think about anything other than how awful the aftertaste is.

 “Y’know, that’s forty-five dollar gin you’re choking on.” 

Your eyes widen slightly. “Woah, big spender over here.” Without thinking, you poke at his belly, sharing a laugh while the liquor warms both of you at your cores.

Unbeknownst to Eddie, Karie is seething beneath her carefully curated surface. She taps her foot and looks around the room with her arms still crossed. Though she has been listening to your conversation, Karie has chosen not to participate. She perceives herself as being above Eddie's antics. But there's an underlying fear that lingers; she recognizes the depth of the bond that you have with him and she‘s threatened by it.

You’re getting a rise out of her by entertaining his spontaneity and it’s rather satisfying. The steam blowing out of her ears is just below Eddie’s emotional awareness radar. When your eyes meet hers, a nonverbal conversation ensues.

What the fuck is your problem, lady?

I don’t like you and he’s mine, so don’t even think about it.

Meanwhile, Eddie is bobbing his head to the music while the combination of substances takes him up into the clouds. Your focus is brought back to him when he resumes the conversation. “What about you? What’ve you been wetting your whistle with?” He continues to ignore Karie and neglects to include her. “Are you more of a chardonnay or champagne girl?” Eddie’s brows scrunch together. “Wait, what’s the difference?”

You giggle at his genuine puzzlement and it makes his breath quake. There’s something about the way you beam so dazzlingly while he’s making a fool of himself. Except, he saw you smile similarly at your boyfriend. Eddie can feel his temper ignite at the thought alone but that’s not the only source of heat. He’s drawn to you like a moth to a flame, unable to resist the pull of your radiance. Yet, he’s aware of the potential burn and consequences that may arise from getting too close.

Karie is tired of watching the spotlight be on you. She nudges Eddie and he grudgingly acknowledges her. “I’m going to go catch up with the Reynen twins.” At last, Karie has given up on doing her best to intimidate you.

“Tell them I say ‘hi,’ I guess.” Eddie’s mouth forms a straight line and he shoves his hands into his front pockets. When he looks back at you, joy returns to his face. Partially due to the buzz overtaking his nerves and because the wicked witch is gone. A silence hangs in the air while he thinks, God, she looks fucking incredible, but he forgets to say anything.

Your eyes land on the familiar necklace peeking out from beneath Eddie's dress shirt. The guitar pick dangles there, a symbol of his lifelong enthusiasm for music. “I’m glad to see you still play.”

Eddie sucks his teeth and flips the guitar pick between his fingers. “Uh- yeah, not so much anymore.”

“What, why not? You used to play every day.”

“I know.” Eddie murmurs, "Just been busy, y'know?" He’s making a feeble attempt to cloak the depth of his emotions. The timeline he recalls was the turning point when his love for playing began to wane.

Not only did Eddie lose his first love but you were his muse as well. After the split, music didn’t feel or sound the same. Sure, he listened to his favorite albums but to this day, playing feels meaningless. He tries picking up his Warlock on occasion but he never gets past strumming a chord before he gets too heavy-hearted and puts it back in its case.

Losing you immediately caused a rift between him and the other members of Corroded Coffin. Their disbandment was swift due to the altered dynamic. There was no passion and he had completely given up. As cold as it was for his bandmates to reciprocate his hostility, he did nothing to preserve his tight-knit friendships with them. Eddie had already lost the most important thing in the world to him and losing his buddies wasn’t going to hurt more than that.

“That’s a shame, you were so talented.” You shift your weight between the balls of your feet with a blend of shock and disappointment on your face. Feeling that this is probably the moment you should walk away, you muster the courage to give parting words. "It's been fun catching up, but I should get going." Your voice carries a tinge of sadness.

“Wait! I was thinking, uh- do you wanna go to The Hideout?” He licks his lips. “Like old times?” Eddie’s chocolate saucers search your eyes while twists the ring below his middle knuckle. “I’d love to hear about what you’ve been up to.” Eddie is terrified that you’re about to slip through his fingers because this is his chance; this is what he’s been waiting for.

You bite the inside of your cheek at his pleading expression. “Are you sure? What’ll the missus think of that?”

Eddie dismisses your concern by blowing a raspberry with his tingling lips. “Pfft, I’m a grown-ass man. I can do whatever I want.”

“I don’t know,” Your mouth goes dry again at the thought of revisiting the watering hole that holds innumerable memories. It becomes impossibly difficult to deny him as his eyes reflect the light.

“C’mon, let me buy you a drink,” He pouts.

You close your eyes and mull it over for a moment. The sound of Eddie anxiously tapping his knuckles together is enough to convince you. “Okay, fine.”

”That’s what I'm talking about!” he pumps his fists but then he pauses. “What about your beau?” Eddie motions to Scott who is still conversing at the table that you were previously sitting at. Buff blondie seems to have forgotten about your return.

You look between Scott and Eddie. “I’m here by myself.”

As much as he tries, Eddie fails to fight the cheek-aching smile that forms. His heart is thrumming so hard that he wouldn’t be able to stop it from bursting through his ribs if it went flying. “My mistake.” Eddie pulls his car keys from his back pocket and spins them around his index finger. “Wanna ride with me?”

Your mouth opens but instead of words, a squeak of agreement is all that comes out. You turn to walk toward the exit and without missing a beat, Eddie instinctively moves to your side, matching your stride as you make your way toward the exit. His smile is so deeply engraved on his face that he’s going to need to ice his cheeks later.

On your way out of The Hideout, Eddie holds the heavy metal door open for you. The clouds had opened up while you were inside and they’ve left the air dense with the scent of fresh rain. It mingles with the aroma of tobacco smoke drifting from the bar's door. In the street, puddles form small mirrors that reflect the pearlescent moon above.

You delved into conversation with ease and traded stories of the lives you’ve led since your last encounter. Tales of success and misfortune spilled forth, weaving your individual journeys into a tapestry of shared experiences. The interaction was a dance of subtlety, an unspoken agreement to move at a pace dictated by each other’s ever-growing willingness to explore. A brush of fingertips here, a gentle touch on the arm there—small gestures laden with hope.

Cars roll through flooded potholes and splash the curb with a wave of pavement fragments. The mist hanging in the air makes the streetlamps and neon signs glow. Eddie leans against the dampened brick and you echo his position, standing shoulder to shoulder. You frown when Eddie pulls a stray cigarette out of his breast pocket and balances it between his lips. “I kinda hoped you’d have quit.”

“I did for the most part.” He mumbles. As Eddie lights his cigarette, a wisp of smoke swirls lazily from the tip, blending with the haze of the earlier downpour. After taking a long drag and smoothly releasing, he looks at you. “I really only smoke when I’ve got a lot on my mind.” On the come down from his weed high, he’s combining nicotine and alcohol to combat the intense feelings of attraction stirring within him. It’s occurring to him that this night is coming to an end.

Eddie looks like he’s battling to stay in the present while actively seeping away. For a moment, you listen to the water drizzling off of the tattered awning and hitting the ground. Music escapes through the door as patrons go in and out of the bar. “So… Karie West, huh? How long have you two-”

“Don’t do that.” Eddie bites off the end of your sentence.

You turn to face him fully. “Don’t do what?”

Eddie huffs and flicks his cigarette. “Don’t bring her up. She’s the last thing I wanna talk about.”

“Okay,” You sigh barely above a whisper and glance away. The sting in your chest shoots to your fingertips at his sharp tone, not unlike the one he used that fateful day.

Eddie takes a shorter drag but holds it this time. He allows it to char the inside of his lungs before exhaling the plume of smoke. The events of the evening are rippling through his mind, the conversations and laughter seamlessly melding with the good memories he’s held onto. “I was gonna propose to you.” He states very matter-of-factly as if that isn’t a huge bomb to drop on you. 

“Nu-uh.” You blink rapidly in utter disbelief.

“Yeah huh. I carried the ring box on me for like three weeks.” At this point, he can’t tell what’s what. Either his emotions are so strong that he can’t feel his toes or the booze, nicotine, and traces of weed are causing him to short-circuit. “But then I found out about-” Eddie stops himself, unwilling to relive it out loud. He flicks his cigarette and brings it back to his mouth.

“Wow,” There’s that stabbing sensation in your chest that you know all to well. Tears flood your vision because what could’ve been seems better than the life you wound up living without him. Due to the way you’re dodging his eye contact, he fails to see how glassy your eyes have become. You sniffle, your nose reacting to the drop in temperature and your emotions running high. The weight of disappointment settles heavily as you grapple with his statement. “Did you give it to her instead?”

Eddie tosses his cigarette to the pavement and stomps it out. “Fuck no,” His laughter is accompanied by a shake of his head as he entertains the absurdity of the notion. The very idea of such a fate makes his stomach churn; the mere thought could induce physical sickness. “Not a chance in hell.”

“Then why are you with her?” You wish you hadn’t blurted it out, but if he’s so miserable then why does he stick around? Considering what you went through, you know damn well that Eddie isn’t afraid to leave when something no longer serves him.

He adjusts his back against the wall which causes the change in his wallet to jingle. “It’s complicated.”

Your persistence to know the truth causes the tears to spill over your waterline and drag streaks of mascara down your face. “Do you love her? Is that why?” 

Looking into your eyes right now brings him right back to that day and he’s watching you shatter all over again. “Absolutely not.” The insecurity in your tone is obvious enough that Eddie picks up on it. He loses his train of thought in knowing that there must be a reason behind you asking that particular question. Eddie looks down before meeting your gaze again.

“D-Did you love me?” You nibble your bottom lip and watch the way his expression softens. At the time, it felt like he did but with all of the overthinking you’ve done, your view of the past has been distorted.

He can’t tell if he’s breathing right now, you look so beautiful with the streetlight reflections turning your tears into gems. “Did I love you?” Eddie chokes out, “Of course I did. I never stopped.”

Your lips part a sliver as your brain begs for more oxygen to cope. To soothe yourself, you begin picking at your cuticles but you can hardly feel the pinch.

“You were everything to me.” As Eddie steps closer, his scent overtakes you. His hand trembles as he swipes at your dampened cheeks. “I couldn't stop thinking about you,” he whispers, “Every day, every night, you were constantly on my mind.”

You’re frozen in place, fidgeting ceased as you stare back. You gulp at the way his hair flies behind him in the brisk twilight gust. Eddie takes your hands and the heat of his warms your own. A sense of intimacy flows through you, interlacing the past and present. “I thought about you too.” You look down at your joined hands, watching his fingers rekindle their connection with yours after so many years apart. 

You trace the lines of his palms with your fingertips. It's as if your hands remember each other, relearning the contours and textures that were once so familiar. Eddie's eyes remain fixed on you, his gaze dripping with tenderness and longing. He guides your hands to rest on his collarbones and you can feel the strength of his body through his shirt. He gently caresses your ribs and slides his hands down to your waist. You respond eagerly by stepping closer and your navels touch.

His bated breaths mirror yours, both of you caught up in how it’s as if the universe has conspired to bring you back together. Eddie can’t bear the distance much longer. He rests his forehead against yours and it creates a bridge between your souls. You share the air, recycling each other’s breaths. The hovering of his lips causes your heart to pound against your ribs. But as his lips draw closer, you find yourself compelled to stop him. “Wait.”

Eddie pulls back ever so slightly to provide space for your voice to be heard. He can tell exactly what you’re thinking. “I don’t want her, I want you.”

You look away, feeling conflicted. Eddie guides your chin back to his and he strokes your cheekbone with the pad of his thumb. Meanwhile, his other hand applies comforting pressure to your hip. He studies your face while you lean into his touch. “I need you, Apple. I don’t wanna lose you again.”

His mind begins to race when he’s met with nothing in response, fearing that exposing his heart to you isn’t enough. After his words have soaked in, Eddie notices the shift in your expression, and relief rids him of the fear of being rejected.

“You won’t,” You hum and breathe as deeply as you can.

Both of your eyes fall closed and your lips brush with hesitance. It’s you who caves first; your lips interlock, pillowy soft, and sweet with a boozy burn. The kiss breaks. Both of your chests heave and your eyes remain closed. The briefness has you weak in the knees but your hold on his shoulder has tightened to keep you upright. Eddie tugs you impossibly closer and kisses you like it’s the last time he’ll ever get to. He has to make this count.

A groan rumbles in the back of his throat and his nose presses into the plush of your cheek as he deepens the kiss. It’s both a declaration and an apology, conveying everything that should’ve been said a long time ago. Your movements are slow, intentional, and the definition of pure bliss. There’s no rush or urgency, just the desire to savor each other. Your hands find their way to the nape of his neck and your fingers gently entangle themselves where they belong. The nine-year gap between the last kiss and this one evaporates.

When you pull away to catch your breaths, aching smiles overtake your features. On the day of the fight, you saw nothing but indignation in his eyes. And now, all that you see is the promise of forever.

Reblogs are greatly encouraged and appreciated! ♡

★My Masterlist

★Ko-fi ♡

tags: @tlclick73 @nj01

[sparkanonymous]

Let me ramble about my ship opinions real quick. I gotta say something to somebody while my siblings procrastinate watching what's available.

⚠️ Total Drama Reboot Season 2 Spoilers ⚠️

We're gonna talk about the canon ships this time. It makes it easier to talk about.

Caleb x Priya

They might not have gotten together yet, but Millie said that Priya has a crush on him. I really don't see this one. She showed no interest in him the first season - probably didn't help that he was only in one episode - so the first sign of interest from her was when Priya had mentioned looking him up on social media. I don't like Caleb as a character very much; I think he's kind of boring. Plus, it still feels like the writers don't really know what to do with him since he's barely done anything yet, besides literally carrying his team in the third episode. The writer's paired them up as the strong couple and haven't really gone beyond that yet. I personally would've wanted Damiya because there was a more interest last season and because Damien is just a better character, in my opinion.

0/10

Raj x Bowie

This relationship is by far one of the more nuanced ones we've gotten out of Total Drama as a whole; Gwent and Duncney were great in their first season, but after that, they made it so painful for me to like them. If you look at my profile, you can tell Rajbow is one of my favorites. I think they're cute, and I hope that we get to see them be assholes to other people together at some point. Maybe even with Wayne included. Hell, I'll just take fanfiction if the writers don't provide. I like that they're spending more time together doing various things and that Raj isn't afraid to scold Bowie when he thinks he's doing something wrong. I think they have an easier time discussing things, even if Bowie is technically lying to Raj right now about not cheating. A lot of their bonding felt a little rushed last season. There was the scene where they were going to talk by the lake, right before Julia found out about the video posted on her social media account (does she still have that account?). That was only a ten second scene. There were so many quick moments, blink and you'll miss them. They're more obvious now, longer too. I like that.

10/10

MK x Julia

I know I said canon ships, but... but COME ON. This is canon. I'm not taking any other opinions. Anyway, I did notice when people started shipping these two last season, and I'll be honest; I didn't see it. This new season, though, has made me see a new light. I think the writer's felt like they had more leeway and like they had a better grasp on these two's personalities. MK was always a bit of a troublemaker and thief, and she would definitely take the easier way of winning than to actually try if she had the choice. Julia doesn't want to get voted off, so she'll take cheating to win, knowing that she's always on the chopping block when Bowie has both Raj and Wayne on his side. The writer's are really playing up their flirting, too, so whether they actually get together in the season or not, their relationship will not be forgotten.

9/10

Ripper x Axel

I'm gonna be so for real right now; this caught me so off guard. Out of all the characters they wanted to pair up, I didn't think Ripper would be an option. I do like him more this season, but he still makes me kind of uncomfortable, especially in the second episode where he butters himself up while only wearing his swimsuit. I cringe. Axel being into him? For why? I don't know what's going on up in that brain of hers, but this is awesome! I didn't expect to like their relationship as much as I do, and when I found out it was canon, I was buzzing. I don't know why I was so excited, but I was, and that's all that matters to me. I don't like poetry, and neither does Ripper, but the fact he put that aside to impress Axel is really sweet to me. Ripper has officially gotten himself good points and is no longer my least favorite character. I hope these two get along well and don't do the thing Emma and Chase did, where they constantly try to get a rise out of the other and break up every twenty minutes. I do believe we should've gotten more interest in them last season, but I think the only interaction they got was when Axel kicked Ripper off the ship.

7/10

I do feel bad for the Axel x Nichelle shippers, but just because it's not canon doesn't mean that you should stop shipping it. Both Axel and Ripper are a bit fruity anyway, so even if they hadn't gotten together, they would've been shipped with other characters by the fandom regardless.

[sparklegemstone]

Loki at Paley Fest 2024

It was incredible! I'm so happy I got the opportunity to attend, and it uplifted my spirits so much. I really hope Paley makes the panel available for everyone to watch at some point because the questions and discussion were pithy, thoughtful, and engaging. Just a stellar panel. If it doesn't become publicly available, I'll try to circle back to post more detail of what was discussed.

Hiddleston was absolutely firing on all cylinders being his eloquent self going on long explorations of themes and the human condition. I think the most memorable was when he was exploring the relationship of Loki's line "Satisfaction is not in my nature" from a previous film to the events of the Loki series and whether that was relevant or not relevant to where the character arrived at in the series.

First of all, kudos to the host of the panel (also writer of a MCU timeline book) that came with receipts and Loki and Hiddleston quotes from over a decade ago that he used to ask really interesting questions that explored Loki's journey and highlighted the beautiful ways Hiddleston has thought about playing the role over years. He just did an excellent, excellent job, and is the one that brough up the "satisfaction is not in my nature" quote to prompt discussion.

And let's be honest, I think a lot of panelists, whose job is to sound engaging and fill up panel time, when asked to explore the relationship of that "not satisfied" quote to the most recent content they filmed, would just turn on their "I'm in English class" brain and run with the prompt and improvise some ideas of how the theme of not being satisfied is shown in the series. But rather than just running with and affirming the prompt, Hiddleston actually thought about it sincerely and turned it around answering in the negative, that he wasn't sure if that still applied in the series. So instead of just running with the prompt, he cared enough about the art to give it the most truthful answer he could. I saw that aspect of how he approaches discussion when I met him in person at a comic con a number of years ago as well, that interest in exploring something sincerely rather than doing the easier thing of just running with whatever is expedient, and I love that about him.

And then Wilson displayed great comedic sense and flow of the discussion by capping off Hiddleston's eloquent discussion by doing a sharp right turn into the absurd, pivoting into how "would my dog have any meaning in his life if he was satisfied and had everything he wanted and wasn't constantly eager for his next meal". That got a huge laugh from everyone.

Some other anecdotes from the event:

For the arc of the series, it was described as season 1 being about Loki learning to love himself and season 2 was about learning to accept connections and let the love of others in.

Hiddleston's wardrobe was lovely -- all black and dark grey, with bright red tread on the bottom of his shoes for which sitting at a panel with your legs crossed is the perfectly opportunity to show off that pop of color.

I was also digging Aaron Moorhead's style with a grey top half and orange pants and shoes with blue socks. Love this trend of men making bold color choices in their wardrobe.

Hiddleston was, unsurprisingly, very engaged with the whole discussion and it was fun to watch his reactions when other people spoke. The host asked the writers/directors if they'd created S2 with it in mind of it being Loki's last appearance or whether we might see more of Loki in the future. Wilson playfully said "he comes the tap dancing" and Hiddleston very deliberately turned towards the writers/directors with his chin on his fist like "I'm so curious to hear the answer, do tell".

Sylvie ended up in a McDonalds in S2 because when Di Martino got asked at the end of season 1 where she saw Sylvie going next, she told them "she's hungry, I bet she'd go for a burger". So Di Martino takes full responsibility for that particular decision, lol.

Because comedy films aren't my thing and Wilson hasn't crossed my personal radar much besides Zoolander, which is a delightful film, I found it very interesting and wasn't necessarily expecting just the thunderous amount of applause and huge reception that Wilson got from the audience. He's very popular.

During the panel, every so often a little piece of paper, like 2x2 inches, the kind you'd use to create the effect of dumping a bunch of confetti, would fall from the rafters above the stage and slowly float down until it landed on the stage itself in front of the panel. The first time was peculiar, but it continued to happen five distinct times throughout the panel and became a bit of a running joke.

Before the Q&A, they screened the finale episode, and they did not have their tech sorted out. The film didn't play at a consistent 24 fps and there were parts that lagged and slowed down the motion on screen. A minor thing really, but for an organization whose sole purpose and mission is media (Paley), in a venue (the Dolby Theater) that hosts the Oscars and should be technologically state of the art, you'd think they'd make sure they could play video at proper speed. I just thought it was a funny issue for a media organization to have.

Tagging @delyth88 since I know you were interested in hearing about it.

[p-receh]

Since my previous posts talked about elementals. I want to write an essay about them from my perspective and possible theories and headcanon I gathered so far. It might not be accurate so fill me in if you want to add or correct some of it. I love open discussion ^^

I've seen some people thought that in the early season, all elementals had not have characteristics but changed after Halilintar's incident.

Boboiboy's emotions under circumstances not only triggered the true self of available elementals, but it also awakened the other elemental powers as well(hence how the rest 4 were born) like what anon said here.

This is gonna be looooong ted talk so I have to spilt this in two parts!

What I want to talk about is how interesting their character development throughout the series. Starting with the original trio!

(That 3rd picture lasted for a few minutes... I didn't even notice their communication at first. :'()

Their development was that drastic in the youth era. The unstoppable "the fun, the serious and the tough one"(edit: more like, "The Striker, Tacklerer, and The Goal Keeper in soccer terms. Don't ask why I thought about this a lot) which sparks Boboiboy as the hero of Pulau Rintis. But, it's starting to decrease during Galaxy onwards.

I know I know they need to blend with the others as well. (They got most of the screen time in every series after all). I already talked about it here.

(People say this year indirectly the reunion of this trio I guess? Windara and Gentaraju animated arc? ...

but... aaah well... my head's spinning right now >_<)

Halilintar/Thunderstorm.

What more to say about this person? haha, I've already talked about it from anon in the first link I put on before and this one.

But still, from the very first moment he arrived till today, I am almost certain my hypothesis then and now is coming true. Being just created as "the cool, serious" side of Boboiboy, This 'talk less, do slash more' guy unknowingly becomes the tsundere eldest due to his tragic incident.

He is such a supportive person behind that murder mask. Seeing rare moments that he actually cares for others whenever he can is an absolute miracle. God, the season 2 comic and Sori continuingly showed his soft side from youth era. wtf my 12-year-old me is screaming right now! aaarghh! :3

(But that face in ep 5 when he's strangled lmaooooo X'D)

Taufan/Cyclone

One of my favorite things that I know about him is he enjoys whenever he's out. He truly loves all the thrilling fights, if not get the vibe, he instantly goes into a bad mood. Every poster I saw about him, always with his smile and never faded. That's why I was shocked when I saw his decision in Windara's arc. Finally, the man he always wanted to be, bravely giving it all in one v one fight. I'm so proud of him! T^T

His easygoing attitude reminds me of a certain hedgehog I knew hehe...both resemble the wind itself right? :] (I need to draw them in June)

Leading the Troublemaker trio is always fun to watch. And the fact that he looks at Hali as his role model is really cute! Despite him and Hali being the first two elements who had civil fights before, a bit sad these two are independent on their own from Galaxy onwards :'(

Gempa/Quake

Gempa got me confirmation that he is the leader of the elementals from the very first fight till now. I can see why he has the closest resemblance to Boboiboy himself (hence the hat position :] ).

To be fair, Gempa is the only elemental that I see no difference with Boboiboy. And with being one of the strongest elementals(with embedded two giant stone hands), he sure is a low-profile person and easily blends with other elementals. Now I know why he gets the title "Mama Gempa". He is unknowingly taking too much care of every elementals like a family ^^)' .

Even tho he's the last power to be introduced(in this trio) and sometimes people see him as a lone wolf in the group, he's natural at giving orders. The others actually listen to him and get scolded if they messed up! Like how parents do! X'D

How about the Temper Duo?

(Why monsta didn't put this dialog to Sori? :''(( )

How fitting the theme song of movie 2 titled Fire and water as well? Hehe.

Being the first two powers to be fused(the coolest name, "Frostfire" :} ), these two are what most people like to call "The polar opposites". The ones that used two hoodies in the youth era(except now only Ice wears it), the ones that had back-to-back introductions (exactly after Fire arrived, water showed up in the next episode, Galaxy season 1 also showcased the exact same pattern), the only two powers survived in movie 2, and even their own original masters lived in the same planet.

I'd say if these elementals do be brothers, these two were most likely born twins. (I know I may be late to this headcanon but hey why not? :/)

Blaze

The gremlin boi who got more screentime in sori than his partner. I absolutely adore this boy in Galaxy onwards. His wild and reckless traits are always the main attraction whenever I watch his combat style. I still think since season 3 and movie 1 He should've gotten a brass knuckle type as a weapon than the fire disc. He's a close combat brawler, right?

Anyway, he might be the one who hasn't changed much since his youth until now. In fact, I'd say he is a pretty consistent character from the start. Only gets wilder and cheekier to his fellow elementals tehee~. But that's the beauty of having a friend like Blaze. If done right, Blaze could shock you with his kindness and care deeply for others. Just like how he did with Duri once he accidentally broke Duri's plant in one of Boboiboy's official posts. (Sori ep 3 and comic made my day lmao)

Ais/Ice

If I can relate to one elemental, I choose Ice. He likes to eat yet is frightened to get fat like he did in his youth era; a very sleepy person; also an introverted person but he is confident when surrounded by his closest circle. And most of my friends are usually the Blaze type. So I can understand how to handle that person ^^)'

Ehem. Ice's first tier, Air/Water, got me confused at first. Mainly how he summons his power. Somehow Ice fixed that issue. Making his right arm purely made of ice is genius. My headcanon is every weapon or power he uses comes from his right arm. His cannon comes from his right arm, the same as the bow & arrow one. Even so, many scenes contradict that(Boboiboy is an ambidextrous guy).

Can I say I'm glad from Galaxy onwards he's a bit more open than in his youth era or just me? This doesn't count during the transition mode. All I see now is that he showed more emotions than Hali. (Also whoever decided Ice's tears become snowflakes, I salute you sir)

Last but not least! The Photosynthesis duo!

(I talk about this scene before but holy shit this scene is always mesmerizing to watch)

Duri and Solar were also made me adore them if not because of season 2 & Sori. Okay, I have to confess first to avoid misconception:

I was disappointed when Duri and Solar showed up in movie 1.

My selfish youth still took some time to get used to with Fire and Water in season 3. And all I think was negative reactions when Duri and Solar showed up. That's... also the reason why I went on hiatus.

Luckily, hence the word "was" I put it there.

I'm very grateful that they reset his watch back to start, so then they can at least make a proper debut with both Duri and Solar in Galaxy series. I much prefer that method. (That last episode was truly huge, I'm shocked they went that grand)

Therefore, Sori could continue to make the audience know better about these two! Pretty creative I'd say! I can see why the last three episodes are fan favorites. Me personally love eps 5 & 6.

Duri/Thorn

The most unique symbol to draw to, Duri truly shines in galaxy 2 comic and Sori. His debut in galaxy 1--oh wait, in Eid Fitri's short video after movie 1 made me confused with Taufan at first. Even though he's got more screen time than Solar, Duri still surprised people with the recent series. Who knew his childish and clumsy features could do unverbal damage to enemies by his words? Count me in! He might not do that to his friends and families, but he will delightedly do so with Solar :D

And thanks to Sori, I can now differentiate between Taufan and Duri more clearly. His design in Sori especially the last three is my fav. I love what Monsta did the effects on his arms. Since he doesn't has a signature weapon, they create a 2D flash-winded green leaf around his arm like a coil. That is a very cute detail for Duri.

A bit surprised when every elemental went to serious mode in Windara's arc, only Duri still managed to find fun in the battle. Heck even Taufan dropped his smile during that.

Solar

Being the trump card of the group, I can see why he is the last elemental to be introduced, both in movie 1 and galaxy series. The hardest one to obtain his 2nd tier that requires proper research and pure luck, Solar's traits are also what makes him interesting. To be honest I didn't expect his characteristic to be like this, at all. And somehow very matched with his design and attack as well. Every aspect is strangely in synch I'm astonished. (Adding a visor to his 2nd tier is uhh *chef's kiss B=) )

Also, I love that his attacks use his finger that's also kinda easter egg of the famous "Ray Gun!" shot attack from Yu Yu Hakusho(look it up, there's a live-action ver if you want to know the short ver of the series. The anime itself is legendary to all weebs out there).

Regardless of his limited screentime in every series. I'm very much grateful Monsta treats him equally. His timing in Sori is exceptional and his popularization bursting successfully. My only hope he didn't get cut in Windara and let all elementals showed up. When was the last time Boboiboy did that without splitting to 7?....

... Well if you count heptasplit part, the last time he did that was in Movie 1. That's 9 years ago.

Now we're done here? Nice! Onto the theory part in reblog!

[pancreasman]

Camp Camp S5E1 opinions (spoilers)

I just watched the new episode of Camp Camp and nobody cares but here's what I have to say, first:

(this is your disclaimer to please watch the new episode LEGALLY and in a way that supports the creators. Even if that means blocking spoilers for a bit so you can watch it for free when it's available. It's a small team, and they deserve all the support they can get because making cartoons is hard!)

All this is my opinion, if you disagree, let me know! I genuinely want to discuss it. If you agree with me, then feel free to vent along with me and we can be excited or dissapointed together. The show qualifies as art and is open to criticism. Also WARNING: SPOILERS FOR THE NEW SEASON PREMIERE OF CAMP CAMP!

Ok with all that garbage out of the way, here's what I have to say:

Likes:

• Max’s new voice is pretty good. I got used to it pretty quick. Props to the VA!

• Dolph’s new design is cute. I totally understand why they changed it and the redesign is good.

• DAVID WITH GUN. DAVID WITH GUN.

•I think the idea of the whole camp hating the trio is funny and I kind of wish they made it real even though it went against the point of the episode kind of.

• The part where the trio is shaming Preston and they all move in sync was the one part that made me laugh. I love when they're all being goofy together.

• I liked the idea with the circle in the dirt at first because I thought it was just Max’s way of illustrating a point and I thought it was cute how he included his friends. Started as a nice moment

• Nurf lovingly flipping them off was funny.

• my gwenvid heart was soaring. They were very cute and I wish we got a more overt gwenvid moment as a send-off. Like, it doesn't have to be made canon and can stay subtle but something for the fans would have been nice.

• Gwen’s new voice did a good job. Slightly different vibe to her but it wasn't bad at all. I liked it. It was an interesting change and I didn't mind at all.

• The scene with Max and David’s hike was beautiful and the best part of the episode by far. They're both so in character, they are well-written and their dynamic is so sweet, and the message rings true. It was a nice moment and something I think Max needed to hear.

• “somebody. Fucking. Has to.” GUYS WHEN I TELL YOU I FJGKRNGKRHDNR WHAT A CALLBACK. I wish they made David’s reaction a little longer and made it more of a moment because I nearly missed it at first but once I heard it I got so excited. Really, Max’s whole pep talk in that moment is very good.

• The camera is such a thoughtful and fitting gift for Max because he's struggling with letting go of camp, and the fact he uses it himself too makes it all the more sweet.

• My lil Makki heart jumped when Max came back and Nikki shouts his name. It was sweet, the excitement and joy in her voice. I forgot it was meant to be a joke at first honestly it was so sincere.

• the animation was great! I loved the facial animations, especially on David and Nikki. Idk why those two had such good expressions but I'm not complaining.

• the trio. They're such besties. I'm love them.

• Honestly the fight cloud with Nikki and Neil was fun idk why I liked watching them wrastle. Children fighting is amusing.

• I'm glad Gwen finally got recognized for her talent. It’s a running theme throughout the show that Gwen is more talented and capable than she lets on and this was a fine way to end it. Good for her.

• Whe- WUH- THE ENDING. WHERE ARE THEY GONNA GO FROM HERE? I AM EXCITED AND INTRIGUED

Dislikes:

• opening narration was unnecessary

• wish they introduced Dolph’s new look more organically. It deserves to be it’s own moment.

• why can't Nikki write? She's 9 not 4. She was never stupid.

• plot is all over the place. It's like two or three episodes smashed into one and there's not enough extra time for any of them. It lacks focus. If it were up to me I would have cut out the first half with the social media app and the trio trying to get people to like them. It felt like filler.

• it's just not very funny. There was maybe one joke that made me laugh. And not even hard. Camp Camp is usually pretty funny to me so I don't get what happened. The comedy is all so slow despite the plot being so crammed so I wonder if the delivery was faster if we would have more time for plot. Anyway, they just lacked any sort of setup or punchline. Just nothing jokes.

• Why does Max go along with trying not to be bossy? He clearly didn't care before and the way it's written it isn't implied he's doing it for his friends. It's like he suddenly did care about being liked out of nowhere. I think it would have been funny and made more sense if maybe Nikki or Neil made him play along, like Nikki bit him until he stopped.

• the circle thing. It was a cute idea at first because I thought Max was just making some kind of metaphor, and I thought that it was cute. I wish they kept it like that and just made it a sweet moment of Max expressing his devotion to his friends in his own way but instead they stay in the circle and are just unfunny for a few minutes and then Nikki says they ran away?? Like first of all why are you running away and also no, you didn't run away because you're still at camp. WHY ARE THEY IN THE CIRCLE IT DOES NOTHING FOR THE PLOT AND MAKES NO SENSE?

• I HATED THE CLOSE-UP OF NIKKI’S NOSE SO MUCH IT WAS SO UNFUNNY WHY IS SHE MADE TO BE SO UNLIKABLE FOR THAT ONE BIT JUST SO MAX CAN LOOK AT HER IN DISGUST IT WAS SO BAD

• Is it just me or do they keep playing sad music like... A lot? It just keeps popping up every other scene and at some point it just became funny to me. It's so badly paced out lol

• I mentioned Max’s pep talk was good and it was but also I wish that it was in a better written context. Like, I think it would have been a better end to the cliff scene instead of a way to motivate David to... fight a robot cause... He thinks he can't... Because reasons? It doesn't make a whole lot of sense and I think that it's supposed to connect but it really doesn't.

• Too much Preston. Never liked Preston never will. Why did he talk so much.

• the running gag of everyone being like “oooookay” when the trio assumes they hate them is just... So unfunny omg

• This episode suffers from season 4 syndrome, which was a characteristic of season 4 that I heavily disliked where they sacrifice the outrageous personalities of the characters to have them sit around and discuss life lessons that aren't even that profound to begin with. It's boring, unnatural, and uncharacteristic. At least make it funny. I don't want to see them sit on the ground and calmly discuss basic friendship lessons like I KNOW THAT NOW PLEASE DO SOMETHING INTERESTING.

• I wish David and Max got a better goodbye. I kind of liked David’s line of “That's good enough for me.” but I wish they expanded on it. Maybe have Max struggle to be sincere and make it more obvious that he's trying to act tough and David still sees through it. So he's like “I get that's you're struggling to be sincere so ill take what I can get because I appreciate the effort.”

Overall, it was kind of a mixed bag. It had some very VERY good moments and a lot of good ideas, but I think it was messy and didn't use it's time well, as well as not taking advantage of a lot of potential jokes. I understand that they likely had limitations but they tried to tackle too much with one episode. If I were to change anything I would cut the first half and work on giving the characters a more clear and smooth arc from beginning to end. Pick a focus and stick to it! Still, I'm excited to see where this will go!

[my-mt-heart]

Where's Daryl?

This was very difficult to write. It opened up a lot of old wounds for me, so if you read this, thank you. If my thoughts on this show haven’t been your cup of tea, that’ll most definitely be the case here as well, so maybe just move along. ***Trigger warning for discussion of childhood abuse***

For about a year and a half, Caryl fans asked Where's Carol? as a pointed reminder that the spinoff was always meant to be hers just as much as it was Daryl’s. Even though she's back now, her fans didn't always know she would be (nor did the EP's 🙄) so her absence during filming and promotion of the first season was a heavy burden to bear. The irony is, though “Daryl Dixon” sticks out like a sore thumb in that ridiculous font, he's the one who feels absent sometimes, as if important parts of his character development were lost when he washed ashore while other parts come and go as the plot demands.

Zabel talks about swapping Daryl's iconic vest for "old man" suspenders as a matter of pragmaticism i.e. they were the only clean clothes available. Norman says it was a choice he wanted for some unclear reason, but neither of them seem to consider the intelligence of their audience, particularly Carylers, to see it more symbolically. The costume change is our visual reminder that Daryl isn't himself. In some scenes he's chattier than he should be, far more trusting of strangers with personal details, and far more theatrical. Then in others, the differences are even more alarming. He calls a child cruel names, puts his hands on him, and feels conflicted about returning home to his family, to the woman he said he loved.

I mentally prepared myself for retcons, but the one I'm struggling with a lot right now, which I haven't seen anyone bring up yet, is the retcon of Daryl’s childhood abuse. Daryl tells Isabelle that he and Merle had to take apart engines and if they couldn't put them back together, their dad wouldn't let them have dinner. It's a milder version of the stories the scars on his back tell us, though I can buy Daryl omitting the worst of it like he did in the pilot. What I can't buy is Daryl saying his dad was "hardly ever" around and emphasizing it as the main source of his pain growing up. It feels contradictory for one thing. When we see Daryl's scars for the first time in S3 of the flagship show, it's implied Daryl was trapped in an environment that enabled his dad to physically hurt him often. Presumably that's why Merle felt guilty about leaving him behind. The revelation also seems like it's only intended to highlight the consequences of an absent father figure, explaining Daryl's fear of not making it home, but also justifying his "close" bond with Laurent. The best stories allow a character's emotions to drive the plot, but this just does the opposite, twisting Daryl's backstory to fit the current narrative.

Daryl's backstory made so many people root for him in the first place. It allowed Carol to see him when nobody else in the group could. It helped me process my own childhood trauma. The ways I got to watch him overcome his violent past gave me hope that masculinity could mean more than what I grew up around—more than anger, shouting, and swinging fists. Daryl taught me that men could still be tender, kind, and loving even if those closest to them in their childhood never showed them how. I imagine Daryl's representation has been important to boys and men too, specifically to those who were afraid to speak up about their abuse because of the stigma around it. The implications of this scene may not be easily noticeable to some, but they are to me, and I'm deeply offended by it.

I’ve talked at length on this blog about how it takes a village to make or break a show, though it’s usually the showrunner who has to answer for it. I've already mentioned that I do blame Zabel. His knowledge of French history has no value when he obviously didn’t bother to study Daryl’s history aside from reading old scripts and (maybe) watching the first couple seasons. That's incredibly irresponsible and terrifying for S2. I also blame AMC for their short-sightedness and their determination to save face no matter how much it costs them. I blame Gimple for his pettiness. I blame Greg Nicotero for his insensitivity to Melissa and her fans.

As for Norman, he's hinted very loudly that he wants credit for the show being "different," so in theory he should be prepared to take some of the blame too. I can't name all of the decisions he specifically made, but no matter what they were, I can blame him for not speaking up about the shipbaiting, Daryl's wavering loyalty, and the childhood abuse retcon, all things that hurt his character and hurt the fans. I genuinely don't know what else to think other than Norman didn't give either the consideration they deserve. The show has been treated like nothing more than a vanity project, and it’s unfortunate when you think about what he and AMC had to gain from the original Caryl spinoff.

I love the version of Daryl I knew before this whole mess, I love Carol, and I love the relationship between them. I want them to have the story they deserve in S2. At the moment, I don’t know how to reconcile that with the agony I feel over the damages to half of my two favorite characters. If Carol is going to cross the Atlantic ocean to find Daryl, I want him to be the man who threatened to punch holes in all the boats so she couldn’t leave and the man who told her he loved her before—ironically—leaving himself. I need to hear Daryl admit he hasn't been completely honest with the French characters, not because he was afraid of getting too close to them, but because he didn't want to face the pain of potentially living without Carol and TF. I need to hear him say that he can't be Laurent's father, which is okay because the kid has plenty of other family to take care of him. I need to hear him say, out loud, that he could never love another woman romantically because he's already in love with Carol. That's what I need to feel better about this story. That's where my investment is. I feel like Carol is safe in Melissa's hands, but I don't feel like I have anyone to rely on for Daryl. That’s a big problem because their stories are so intertwined. There’s no Daryl without Carol nor Carol without Daryl. If you ruin one of them, you risk ruining both of them, and that’s a possibility I really can’t bear.

[mecachrome]

for an incredibly new f1 follower, what would you recommend for getting up to date with teams and racers and performances and history? apart from dts lol

oh that is a good question!!! i don't think i'm even the best person to answer this but honestly i think it all comes naturally if you pick a specific thing/team/person you're interested in and set out to learn more about that topic, because everything is so connected and with time you can fill in those knowledge gaps pretty quickly :') more under the cut:

dts is imo perfectly acceptable for learning names and faces for the first time and basically creating a vague outline of a given subject (i've said it's like using duolingo for learning a new language lol), so if you watch it and are like oh—i'm interested in charles or mercedes or learning more about technical regulations or whatever, then you can just dive deeper into that via wiki / youtube / podcasts + published media + old race archives and build up from there!

otherwise i think the main thing is just to start watching the actual races when the season gets underway, and in order to properly appreciate them then also read up on + watch videos about the technical/strategy side of the sport as well. back in the day i used to really like chain bear and i still always recommend it to anyone who asks! after that i would just seek out like... a community/server/place where other people are discussing news real-time; this could be meeting people on tumblr and twitter, but personally i'm subscribed to r/formula1 because it's the most active composite source of f1 news and Discourse. if you're reddit-averse i also just keep a big list on twitter with a bunch of random data accounts, official driver/team accounts, journalists, etc. that helps me keep up with the season in a tidy fashion—though honestly f1 journalism is so unserious that you don't really need to do that because most journos regurgitate the same three quotes in slightly different formats, so if you want to follow One Guy who won't disseminate bs info i'd recommend chris medland. or just general sport publications like autosport, motosport.com, the athletic if you're already subscribed to it (pretty lacking for f1 though since it's american lol), etc... some sites like the-race are very contentious though so i'd say just tread with caution!!! on the data side i personally enjoy fdatanalysis and f1telemetrydata (i've also used f1-tempo to do my own telemetry analysis but idk if that's useful). but again i'd highly recommend the subreddit since it keeps everything i just mentioned in one place anyway 😭

other media recs:

f1tv, if it's available in your area, has pretty much everything you need to follow f1 in its entirety. i hate to shill for paid media but i genuinely think it's good; you can watch every f1, f2, f3 session real-time, as well as go to the archives and revisit old races for each series from most seasons. it also has technical shows and a whole host of minidocs with bite-sized info that are probably less sensationalized than dts. if you don't have f1tv though then a lot of decent content is cross-posted to the f1 youtube so honestly the official channels are all pretty good for keeping up with the sport.

podcasts: if you're an auditory person then podcasts are a great way to deepdive into f1 history. personally i believe that 80% of men running f1 podcasts should be legally barred from ever having an opinion on motorsport, so i don't listen to that many, but i do enjoy the official f1 podcast beyond the grid (i listen to it on spotify but you can also find full transcripts on the f1 site) since, you know, they get official personnel on and i appreciate the wide range of personalities interviewed—from drivers to tps to various types of engineers. i've also heard good things about shift+f1, the race, and engine braking, but i haven't checked them out so i'd recommend just looking podcasts up yourself and seeing what vibes with you! though some podcasts are just like... I'll eat this because you're interviewing my guy but i would never watch/listen to you otherwise. (cough pit stop...)

books & autobiographies: again if you want to dive more into old f1, then you can always read a book!! i read jenson's autobiography life to the limit earlier and was very endeared, it's a super breezy but charming read ❤️ adrian newey's memoir is also a decent overview of a clearly brilliant and accomplished mind, i enjoyed the technical details and found his early career path especially interesting.

docus, movies, tv: there's also plenty of f1 media outside of f1tv, so you can always check those out; f1 movies aren't necessarily that accurate or frankly good but sometimes it's fun just for the Vibes and the love of the sport. for ex rush (2013) covers james hunt & niki lauda's rivalry, netflix has a schumacher (2021) doc, the brawn gp miniseries ft. jense came out last november, just things like that... some current individual drivers also have their own random miniseries so you can always seek those out, for ex i watched maxv's anatomy of a champion the other day just for the fun of it LOL.

i don't know whether any of this is helpful... but maybe other people can reply with their own recommendations!!!

also if you're interested in f2, f3, etc. then honestly just follow feeder series on whatever platform since they cover everything pretty well; feeder_series on twitter, r/f1feederseries, plus they do interview podcasts on youtube/spotify so i like watching those to keep up with young drivers. you can also watch chasing the dream for succinct f2 narratives; it used to only be on f1tv but it gets uploaded on youtube now so it's fairly accessible. lmk if you have any other questions or something specific you'd like more info about!!!

[iolaussharpe-24]

I've realized something.

Brian Petsos movies don't have a lot of fans. Oscar Isaac fans like his characters in Brian Petsos movies. We don't talk about Revenge for Jolly!; we talk about Cecil. We don't talk about Ticky Tacky unless we're praising Lucien and/or comparing/connecting him to Anselm. We don't talk about Lightningface; we talk about how pathetic Basil is and compare him to Steven Grant. We don't talk about Big Gold Brick unless it's to bash it, talk about the cast, and obsess over Anselm. I didn't think this at first, because I just assumed I was the wrong kind of viewer for Petsos projects (I previously mentioned that they kind of reminded me of Jim Jarmusch movies), but the more I've looked around online at reviews and discussions, I've been finding this pattern of negativity. It seems like everyone just kind of agrees that Brian Petsos doesn't really make good movies, but Oscar Isaac makes them worth seeing at least once. And, yes, I am aware that there are things Petsos has done without Isaac, but when you search 'Brian Petsos' the first things that come up are the ones that Oscar Isaac is a part of. This includes The Letter Room, which was written and directed by Elvira Lind but Petsos does have a part in solely as an actor. Even on his IMDb page, there's little to nothing about him but half of the available information is, and I quote, "frequently works with Oscar Isaac". In my opinion, that's pretty telling on it's own. I'm not trying to be mean here, I just think this is kind of an interesting thing to note. If you disagree, please let me know. I'd be happy to debate this. Personally speaking, I've watched Revenge for Jolly!, Ticky Tacky, Lightningface, and a tiny bit of Big Gold Brick. (For the record, I know that Petsos didn't direct Revenge for Jolly! but he wrote and starred in it.)

One thing I will say in Petsos' favor: There's very clearly a lot of genuine passion and love in his work and it does show. Interviews with him, the proud displays of nonsensical strangeness, and the fact that he's able to keep making movies all reflect that. You can tell that the people involved are having fun and I think that's the most important part. I think his weakness (to me) is that his projects feel like they lack something. Revenge for Jolly! didn't feel like it was going anywhere for most of it's runtime. Like it wanted to be and do something but didn't know how. It had fairly decent moments... in the first half. But those moments only landed out of shock value, and they very quickly became predictable. (Also, what was up with that bar scene?) Ticky Tacky and Lightningface felt flat. Like bread that didn't rise. Maybe they needed more time to really explore their premises and characters. Like, if we saw Lucien and Claire together before he finds out about the cheating, or if we get to know Basil before the lightning strike. Both of these are about people going crazy, but without that sense of who they used to be, it doesn't really hit that hard and leaves you wondering 'what the hell did I just watch and why?' This is one thing I think Revenge for Jolly! understood, because we get to see Harry, Jolly, and Cecil before the inciting incident of the movie. We get a sense of their relationships with one another. I can't speak for Big Gold Brick because I haven't seen it in full so I'm not going to bother saying anything for the bits I saw either. That's just not fair for anybody.

[prem-ium]

Okay so I think I've figured out Seonwoo's problem. I went back to re-watch and make note of who called whom and who everyone had been on dates with and realised I had completely forgotten what happened with Seonwoo in the first episode.

Seonwoo was crushing on Junsung!!

They did the washing up together after dinner on the first night. There was some playful banter and SW started crushing on JS.

SW's first phone call was to JS. JS answered in front of Sungho but wouldn't tell him who called. SW got 3 calls that night but JS wasn't one of them.

SW stated his type is someone who takes the lead and makes the first move. JS very much is this type and stated he has dated everyone he's ever been interested in (our boy is persistent). SW likes this. SW wants this. (Yoonghee also fits this type but SW said from night 1 that his only feelings towards YH were pity after receiving his phone call).

SW starts to get his pride hurt knowing he's popular in the house but not with JS. SH picked SW for the first proper date. Before the date, people start speculating on how much time JS and SH spend in the bedroom with the door closed. SW finds a reason to interrupt them. I assumed that this was about SW hanging out with SH but after the re-watch, it's clearly about SW's interest in JS.

SW makes a comment that he has someone he's interested in but he will try three times and if they don't reciprocate then he'll move on. (Very practical especially when you remember that he only came out about a week before the show started) JS never responded to any of SW's flirting or the phone call. So SW took that as his sign and gave up. So now he's untethered, and reassessing his options. There are three openly dominant men in the house (SW's type). They are: Junsung who isn't interested, Minsung who SW views as a friend, and Yoonghee who SW isn't attracted to. His options are fairly shit so it seems he's sort of given up. He persists in going on a date with SH because their date got cancelled and he sees it as the polite thing to do even though he spends the date telling SH how he's not his type and seems very surprised during Jenga when SH says he wants another date with him.

But then he seems to decide to fight for JS. He sits down to discuss things with JS and is surprised to find out JS is set on SH and sees SW as a rival. He brings this up a few times afterwards, in what I first thought was just a dick move, but now realise was SW's way of trying to restart the playful banter from day one or at least get some of JS' attention. He severely underestimates how serious JS is about SH.

At the bbq JS gives his coat to SH. SW then goes and gets a spare coat that he left on the couch by the door. He catches JS in the doorway and offers him the "conveniently available" coat. JS straight up rejected it then told the camera: I gave my coat to someone I like, I'm not then going to wear another man's coat. And proceeded to freeze his balls off as a matter of chivalry.

In conclusion Seonwoo coming across as an ass because he has no chance with the one guy he actually likes and he knows it. His pride has been hurt and now he's just going through the motions. He hasn't mentioned it since the first day, not even in the private interview bits, which tells me he really likes this guy. Personally I think he's not saying it is because he knows he has no chance and is trying to deal with damage control of how he's presented on the show and I don't blame him. I would do the same, honestly.

I was all set to hate him as a player or a heartless prick but now I just feel sorry for him because I, like everyone else, am hoping for 2sung pairing.

[bengiyo]

La Pluie and the Exploration of Romance, Competence, and Queerness

It’s Sunday, so you know I had to get an essay in about this eighth episode of La Pluie. This week I want to dive into the ways that La Pluie is interrogating the nature of Romance as a genre, the ways it enables its characters to be competent, and how all this plays into its specific queer ideas.

All of the gifs in the post were borrowed from my good friend @liyazaki who I am most happy to have convinced to join us in watching this show.

The Rain Connection and Lomfon

I want to get this out of the way first, because we don’t know enough for me to want to spend a ton of time speculating on this. We know that there aren’t a lot of people in the world with Rain-Based Hearing Loss, and we know that only a small subsection of them have a connection with other people.

screenshot by @respectthepetty

When Lomfon falls here, it seems like he has the same pain we saw Tai experience the first time he developed a connection with Patts on his 20th birthday. Thus far, we don’t know if Lomfon has experienced hearing loss in his life. We were discussing this yesterday, and @lurkingshan went back to look at the café scene with Lomfon in episode 5, and it didn’t seem like Lomfon experienced hearing loss when it began raining there.

What I think is most significant about Lomfon suddenly developing a connection with seemingly Patts and Tai (this show has not tried to misdirect or trick us up to this point, so I am choosing to read the scene as if he heard both of them until we get new information) is that Lomfon has thus far been the most vocal skeptic about the societal assumptions that people connected by hearing loss should be in romantic relationships with each other. I think this will bring significant drama into the plot because he’s been developing something with Tien, and it will challenge Tien to have feelings for someone with a rain connection to someone else.

I’m not even reading into this as a throuple, because this show has expressed clearly that soulmates are an opportunity more than anything else, and the nature of this story and its references to the MacKade brothers assures me that this is going to be about two couples. @lurkingshan and @ginnymoonbeam already covered the rest of this as well.

Everyone is Competent, and Everyone is Valid

One of my favorite things about this show thus far is that no one has been especially stupid about their feelings. The most dramatic and dangerous thing anyone has done so far was Tai trying to climb a mountain on his own and realizing quickly that he had made a huge mistake.

We learn that Tai understood exactly what had happened with Nara kissing Patts and was not mad about it. He was upset that it felt like their soulmate connection ruined a genuinely good relationship Patts and Nara, and he questioned the veracity of his and Patts’ feelings for each other. Moreover, the show allows Nara to be upset about her rejection. Her feelings and her relationship with Patts were real and deserving of respect. She is also a character who possesses grace, and insists that Patts find Saengtai even though the two of them just had an emotionally devastating final breakup.

Patts realizes within minutes what Saengtai had done and immediately sets about looking for him. Even if the other vet should have reconsidered sending Saengtai into that situation with Patts and Nara, everyone responded appropriately to the crisis by trying to search for Saengtai and predict his behaviors in a crisis. Kung, who says she’s responsible for them, detailed the dangers of the mountain and made a vehicle available to them immediately.

As for Tien, he’s a hot-headed guy, and blamed himself for not recognizing what his brother would do right away. Lomfon also talks him down from running after his brother with logic as well. When Tien finally reunites with his brother, he sternly chides him for running into danger before collapsing on his brother.

In every episode before this, I have really enjoyed how everyone has been good at their jobs and operating from a believable emotional space. Little conflict on this show has felt contrived, and I’ve enjoyed how each challenge extends naturally from the setting itself and the initial plot seeds surrounding Tai’s parents’ divorce.

Our Expectations of Romance

Probably my favorite thing about La Pluie has been the way it grapples with the nature of Romance itself. Though the show has been explicit in its skepticism about destined romance, everything in this show says that we’ll end up with two couples. Everyone in this is a character in a story with a role to play in its narrative.

Multiple characters, like us in the audience, have already assumed that Patts and Tai are endgame because of their rain connection. Tien already treats Patts like his brother-in-law. Tai’s dad already teased about the accelerated pace of a soulmate relationship. Bow came on this trip to make sure Tai makes (sexual) progress with Patts. Multiple members of the vet crew have teased Patts about his concern for Saengtai. Yet, it’s this presumption that has been the primary struggle of their relationship so far.

How fascinating is it that the primary drama of a couple in a romance is that everyone (including the audience) expects them to get together as a foregone conclusion? What are the emotional underpinnings of their relationship that will give them the tools to succeed in the long term? It’s that concern that makes Tai so cautious about moving forward with Patts. He’s worried he’ll make the same mistakes his parents made.

The run up the mountain was necessary for Saengtai as a character, because he needed to face himself. He finally reached the conclusion that many of us reached weeks ago. But as the song says, “no one else can feel it for you; only you can let it in.”

And isn’t that also the point? Does it matter if they’re supposed to be together or not? What matters is they choose each other.

Patts is such a gentle man. He is incredibly patient, and the kind of partner I think Saengtai has hoped for his whole life. This is the man who doesn’t yell at him for endangering himself, sits quietly as Saengtai finally unloads all of the fears and doubts he’s struggled with, and makes sure that Saengtai gets all of the moments he’s hoped for in his life by asking him the question even if we all know the answer already, because Patts is a man who understands that it’s important to do things right.

And how does Tai respond to that moment? By giving them and us what we all need:

Let me just say again while we’re here that I love the way these two kiss. I love the way each kiss has been choreographed. You can track the beats of their relationship through their intimate scenes.

Look at this! We’ve been begging for couple kisses for years, and really only Bad Buddy has given them to us.

It’s just so important that the characters earned the understanding together that what matters most for them is that they love each other (@lurkingshan).

On To the Gay Stuff

I’m not the first person to talk about the inherent queerness of the rain connection. Tai and Patts have both expressed that they would choose not to have this condition if possible. For many of us who grew up queer, that feeling will be extremely familiar. I certainly screamed, prayed, and hoped that I wouldn’t be this way when I first started noticing it within myself at eight years old and throughout my entire adolescence. Yet what matters is how we choose to live with it.

I don’t care if Patts and Tai are destined soul mates, or just two compatible guys who will have this strange connection for the rest of their lives (and maybe with Lomfon too??). What matters to me is they stared at the hand they were dealt and chose to build something they can both enjoy together.

What I really hope we get in the final third of this show is Tai coming to terms with his parents’ divorce. I hope my theory that Tai’s dad is queer is correct, and I hope that Tai learns to respect the choice they’ve made. I hope that if Lomfon is in their rain connection long term, they all find a way to find peace with that, especially for Tien’s sake.

As a queer viewer, I enjoy shows the most when they feel like they come from a space that queer people specifically experience. This show uses the expectations that the world places on who we’re supposed to be with and how we’re supposed to live as a way to replicate the experience of heteronormativity, and still lets these two men choose each other.

La Pluie is a special show in a year of special shows. I have no idea how we’re going to handle awards when we do the VIIB Awards on @the-conversation-pod at the end of the year, but I don’t think I’ll ever stop talking about this show.

Thank you for coming to my post.

Shoutouts to @wen-kexing-apologist @kyr-kun-chan for talking through all of this with me yesterday as well.