#for the past 3 or so years every few months i get really obsessed with this song

[plutonicbees]

lea jaffe was so real when she wrote what if i'm nothing but a cardiac arresting sweetheart, a half run over cat left in the street, and you're the maggot craving rotten flesh left outside in the heat. like. fucking yeah.

[venerawrites]

Hi! I feel so blessed to have found your blog, your fluff is top tier 🫶🏻 Can I please request fluff for Kakashi x fem!reader where they take their son (who looks exactly like Kakashi) to meet Team 7 and they're all enamoured by baby Kakashi and how happy he is with wife reader? I feel like it'd be so cute~ I hope that's an alright request. Thank you so much! 😘

author's note: this is such a cute request and it has been sitting in my drafts for a while, since I have been waiting to be in the right mood for it! It was such a pleasure to write it and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do! Thank you for requesting! <3

If there was anything Konoha did best, it was celebrating.

Compared to many of the other villages, the Leaf had some form of a festival almost every month. The first Sakura trees have blossomed? Celebration. The war is won? Celebration. The Hokage has a birthday? Celebration. 6 months without any outside threats? Celebration.

For the outsiders these constant festivities were both bizzare and a bit foolish. They could only imagine how much money were spend from the yearly budget, yet somehow the village blossomed economically. The other Kages tried to ask Lady Tsunade more than once in the past how exactly do they manage to do that, but they could never get anything more than a smug smile from her.

You, unlike your husband, loved a good party. During events like this everything felt different - the people were happier, the streets were busier, even the air felt more fresh! You have been waiting for the Spring festival for a while now - not only because you loved trying all the delicious street food, but also because this year you were taking your baby with you.

Being only a few months old, your son was an exact copy of Kakashi. His hair, his eyes, his nose, his lips, even the way he pouted was absolutely the same as your partner. There were times when you sat next to his crib, looking at him for hours, trying to find at least one thing in his appearance that he may took after you. While there were none, you found solace in the fact that he showed at least some traits of your personality - the main one being obsessed with Kakashi, of course.

As you watched your husband gently rocking your child in his arms and whispering sweet words to him, you couldn't stop the smile from spreading wide on your lips. Kakashi hasn't noticed your presence by the door yet, too busy booping your baby's nose and listening to his happy laughter.

He was definitely the favourite parent.

"I can't believe I carried him for nine months and I am still the second best in his eyes", you finally said, making Kakashi whip his head in the direction of your voice. He smiled sheepishly at you, his one free arm extending for you to take.

"You know that is not true, my dove", he tried to reassure you, his attention moving back to the bundle of joy who kept twitching in his grip, "No one can replace mommy! Isn’t that right, little man?"

Almost if understanding his words, the baby turned toward you, reaching one of his small hands toward your face. You immediately melted at the gesture, before carefully grabbing it in yours and lying numerous small kisses on his little fingers.

“Do we really have to go?”, your husband groaned, looking at you pleadingly. If it was up to him the three of you would stay in your house, enjoying a cosy evening just playing and goofing around the living room. With his new role as a Hokage, your time together was limited anyway and he liked to grab any chance he got to spend a few hours with you at home.

“You were the one that promised Naruto you would finally let him see the baby”, you cocked one of your eyebrows and Kakashi immediately shut his mouth, knowing he cannot argue further.

Even since you told Team 7 that you are pregnant, Naruto has shown an enormous enthusiasm about welcoming the baby. He self proclaimed himself “the best uncle to ever exist” and has bought dozen of plush toys and clothes before you even found what the gender is. Both you and Kakashi found this amusing, yet cute, promising him that he would be one of the first people to see your son once he is born.

However, things didn't go as planned and since he was on a mission outside Konoha for the last three months and a half, Naruto was now one of the last people to meet your child. Sakura has asked you countless of times during this period to let her and Sasuke come to your house, but feeling it was unfair to Naruto, you refused every single time.

Now that the blonde was back, however, all three were eagerly waiting to meet the young Hatake.

Kakashi gently passed you the baby, while he went to the corridor to grab the baby carrier wrap he liked to use. One thing about your husband was that he absolutely refused to use a pram.

"It is safer for them to be close to me", he often said, not even hiding his overprotectiveness. Despite your baby already being the village's favourite, he only allowed people to watch him, but never touch him or hold him. It was almost like your son was some kind of a rare jewel, which was so delicate, it had to be admired from a far. And while you found Kakashi's behaviour funny, he was being very serious about it, going as far as to glare and hiss a warning at Guy and Genma every time they tried to pinch your baby's chubby cheeks.

Once the little one was safely wrapped against your partner, you both made your way toward the village centre, where you could already hear music sounding. The streets were flooded with both adults and children, who were all eager to try some foreign food and watch special performances. Every year there were entertainers coming from different lands, performing traditional songs and dances from their cultures. While you knew you couldn't stay for all of them, since you had to put your child to bed quite early, you were excited to see at least some.

You felt one of Kakashi's arms wrapping around your waist, pulling you closer to him, while he shielded your son's body with the other one. While there were none real threats or risk for any of you, the amount of people made the man anxious. You were just about to grab his hand and try to make him relax, when Naruto's loud voice sounded from somewhere in front of you.

"Kakashi-sensei! Y/N! Over here!", he waved his hands energetically in the air, while both Sasuke and Sakura looked away embarrassed from his behaviour. Your smiled at the blonde, waving back, while your husband couldn't do anything else than let out a sigh.

Once you were a few meters away, the Uzumaki ran toward you, his whole face lighting up once his eyes met those of your son. He pushed past you, without even paying any attention to you, before leaning his head close to the baby's.

" Kakashi! That's your twin, dattebayo!", he shouted and moved his finger between his sensei and your son. Kakashi flicked his hand away, glaring harshly at his student. You sniffled a laugh, before you felt Sakura's hand on your shoulder. Turning around, you offered a smile to both her and Sasuke.

"Don't touch, step back and only watch from a distance", Kakashi instructed, his eyes narrowing at Naruto. The blonde, however, didn't acknowledge his words in any way, instead turning toward you.

"Can I hold him?", he asked, his blue eyes sparkling.

"No!", Kakashi immediately answered for you and you rolled your eyes at your husband, before moving toward the males.

"Of course you can!", before your husband can protest, you gave him a stare and he reluctantly picked up your son from the carrier wrap. He held him in his hands for a few more seconds, eyeing Naruto with suspicion.

"Be very, very, VERY careful!", he said, while passing the wriggling baby to the boy's stretched out arms, "And make sure to support his head! No, not like that... Naruto, I swear to Kami-"

You cut off the white haired male's rambling by wrapping your arm around his waist and placing your head against his shoulder. The Uzumaki was doing just fine, but Kakashi being Kakashi started to panic just at sight of someone else holding your little treasure.

The baby seemed to like the blonde, as he giggled, stretching his small hand toward his face. Sakura, who has been patiently waiting for her sensei to relax a bit, immediately rushed to her teammate's side, uncapable of controlling herself longer. She wriggled her forefinger in front of the child's face, her heart melting once he caught it.

"Hello, little one! I am auntie Sakura!", the baby grinned at her with its toothless smile and she let out an "aww" sound, before turning to you and your husband, "Kakashi-sensei, he really is your exact copy! Y/N, are you sure that's your child?"

You laughed at her joke, before shrugging your shoulders and pressing yourself closer to Kakashi.

"Trust me, I ask myself that every single day!"

Finally tearing your gaze away from Naruto and Sakura, you looked over to Sasuke, who remained frozen in his place. His eyes were focused on the little baby and there was a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips, but unlike his teammates he maintained a safe distance. Feeling someone was watching him, he turned his head in your direction, his cheeks going bright red once he realized you caught him staring.

"Sasuke", you smiled at him and everyone's attention went to the Uchiha, "Do you want to hold him too?"

The dark haired male gulped, his eyes widening. He nervously scratched his shoulder, his gaze going down to his feet.

"I...", he became silent, stealing one more glance at the baby. You found it almost amusing how he was a fearsome ninja that could take dozen of enemies at the same time, yet he felt scared to hold a tiny human.

Looking over at Naruto, you nodded your head, signalling him to pass your son to Sasuke. The blonde let out a huff, dragging his feet toward his teammate.

"Be careful! And hold the head!", he warned the Uchiha, who rolled his eyes in response.

"I know how to hold a baby, dobe! I am not stupid!"

"Language!", Kakashi warned next to you and you looked up at him, only for him to shake his head. It must've been hard dealing with these two for so many years, yet you knew your husband wouldn't had it any other way.

At this moment, surrounded by so much love and happiness, you felt like you finally had everything you wanted in life - an amazing husband, a healthy child and enormous support by anyone around you. If you could choose to re-live only one moment of your life, it would be this.

"You okay, my dove?", Kakashi whispered and you nodded your head, laying a small kiss on his covered chin.

"Never been better."

Unbeknown to you, all of Team 7 smiled at both of you, admiring how happy their sensei was. After decades of suffering and loss, Kakashi took the leap of faith and opened his heart to you. While he was unsure in the beginning if he was ready to be with someone and have a family, looking back he was glad he did.

Pulling down his mask, he laid a soft kiss on your forehead, before nuzzling his nose against it.

"I love you."

"I love you more."

cc artwork: Pietro Smurra

[csuitebitches]

For the past 4 years I have been focusing relentlessly on on my glow up: I went to a nutritionist who perfected my diet and my body got much better, I got laser and many other beauty treatments, I got into Harvard, I learnt 5 languages and I built a much better wardrobe. However, to focus on my glow up I decided to remain celibate and now I would like to start dating again. The thing is that it’s so difficult for me to find men that I find even remotely interesting, whether because I feel like they lack the intellect or resources or something else, how do you suggest I find someone? For the context, I like in a major city.

girl first of all?????

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

Second of all, get back into dating by casual dating.

Remember, you don’t have to date someone seriously from the get go. I’d honestly say that get on Hinge, go on a few dates with different people, do not commit to anyone or anything mindlessly. I’d recommend for the initial 2-3 months, focus on going on lots of first dates. Even if you don’t want to use the apps to find a long term partner, use the apps to build your dating game. Your aim is not to have sex with every man you meet but to essentially “use” them to figure out your standards.

Here’s what you should expect to “achieve” from this little exercise:

What you really want in a man

what you deem attractive and what you don’t

what sort of values he should have

your ideal first date

the level of chivalry you want from him

what you want him to bring to the table and what you want to

what you want from a relationship

understand your love language and how you communicate

how you flirt and what sort of flirting you like

here’s what you should NOT DO:

Have sex with a man who has not earned the right to be your boyfriend

go on multiple dates with someone you intuitively feel you have limited compatibility with (learn to cut men off politely and swiftly)

Get too vulnerable

get too dependant on someone

get obsessive with him just because it’s been a while that you’ve been with someone

Lower your standards no matter how attractive or rich he is

lend him money or your time

Go to his house for the first date (it’s a TRAP) or the second or the third or the fourth. If he can’t plan a decent date, be it a walk in the park or dinner, OUT

share any information regarding your finances, health, family troubles, anything personal. That had to be earned.

[imagine-that-100]

Chicken Shop Date | Part 5 |

By @imagine-that-100​ and @alovesreading​

Description: Matty Healy x Reader (Female) | You and your best friend Amelia came up with a very simple idea of taking celebrities on awkward chicken shop dates, and somehow, it’s managed to become both of your jobs. In the past, you’ve found sitting across from some of the biggest stars on the planet and eating chicken nuggets easy. But then Amelia manages to score you a date with the man who you’ve been obsessed with since you were nineteen; Matty Healy.

Word Count: 24.5k

A/N: Heyyyyyy, so this part is a lot. We really hope you enjoy Matty and Baby’s date! It’s finally New Year’s Eve, yayyyyyy!!! Me and A are going to go and find some holy water, but we hope you enjoy the new part and we can’t wait for your reactions. Thanks so much for reading x

| Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 |

| N’s Masterlist | A’s Masterlist |

~*~*~*~ New Year’s Eve ~*~*~*~

Today is finally the day.

After 3 long months, and this last week stretching on forever, it’s finally New Year’s Eve.

And you’re feeling every emotion under the sun.

Considering you love sleeping, you got such a small amount last night because of your nerves for today. You’re sure there was excitement in your system as well that made it difficult to stay asleep, but all you know for certain was that every time you woke up your heart was racing.

You think you probably got about 6 hours in total, but you were waking up every hour or so and when you saw that it was 8am you just decided to get up because there was no way you were getting back to sleep. And you willed the hours of the day to disappear, but time seemed to be moving agonisingly slowly.

Getting ready early is never really a thing you do but today after you showered, you started getting ready at 12:30 for your date which is at 4:30. It’s probably one of the stupidest things you could have done because you had already planned your outfit with Amelia the day before and it doesn’t take you a long time to do your hair or make up.

You were ready by 2 o’clock, but you held off from putting your outfit on because you didn’t want to crumple it as you sat lounging around waiting for the time to tick away. And today time seemed to be moving even slower than it had done the past week.

How you wish you had both decided to go out even earlier so you weren’t wishing your day away.

The only thing that made the time pass a little quicker was the text you received from Matty at about 2:45 saying, If you stand me up I’m coming to your flat and making you pay for it xx

That eliminated some of your nerves because in the back of your mind there was always that seed of doubt that this date might never happen and you’d get stood up. You’d been burnt before a few years ago and the worry never really left on each actual date you’d been on since.

To keep things lighthearted, you remind him of your words from a few months earlier, Like I said I’m a professional, I’d never stand someone up x

Think of my reputation, I wouldn’t damage it. You know far too many people… You also quickly add, and just to tease him that little bit more before you see him again, you send, How would I ever get my date with George?? xxx

You can picture the way he probably bites his tongue and shakes his head when he reads that last one come through on his phone. And you’re certain it probably happened like that because his response is, You’re a little bitch xx

Thank you, I know x You reply, giggling the entire time.

God, you really can’t wait to be in his presence again. It’s bad just how much you’re craving it at this point.

You decide to tease him just once more before your date because you know you’re just putty in his hand when you’re in person, so you reply, Although, depends on what the payment is because sounds interesting xx

But even his response now makes your cheeks heat up and you want to squeal into your hands, Don’t tease or we won’t make it to the date x

Grinning like a Cheshire Cat, you text him back saying, Exactly why you’re not picking me up and I’m meeting you there xx

4:30 on the dot or there will be consequences Miss Y/L/N xx He warns you again, but it makes you even more cheeky, and you can’t stop yourself from replying accordingly.

See you at 4:31 xxx

When you check the time again after that, it’s 3 and now you can’t stop yourself from getting ready. You lay your outfit out on your bed early which mostly consists of your Miu Miu clothes that you were given.

You wanted that on to tease him with, as you know that was one of your Instagram pictures that he liked. But the weather was far too cold for a mini skirt, so instead you chose black leather pants to accompany your black bralette, which pretty much acts like a crop top, and blazer.

And just to add to it, you decided the only accessory you’d be wearing would be a black ribbon that you’re going to tie around your neck in a bow, like a choker. And you’re definitely doing this because as soon as you even mentioned it, Amelia agreed.

After slipping your Louis Vuittons on, you’re pretty much ready to go. The only thing left to do is for the clock to tick down and you’ll finally be able to have your second date with Matty Healy.

What the fuck is your life?

~*~*~*~

Getting to the restaurant a little early probably wasn’t the best for Matty’s nerves, even if it only was ten minutes. Because he lives in North, he decided that he needed to give it at least an hour and twenty minutes for the hour drive it was to get to Brixton from his.

He was so eager to leave his house after getting ready though that he wasn’t fussed about the time. But now waiting for you to arrive is slowly eating him alive.

Like you, Matty didn’t sleep well either. Although, that’s quite usual for him, last night was beyond a joke. It was almost 4am before he fell asleep the first time, and he’d woken up every hour or so filled with nerves before forcing himself back to sleep.

He got a 3 solid hours of sleep in around 7am and he woke up a little after 10am feeling a little more refreshed and he decided he should probably get ready for the day. He showered, and when he was about to put the gel in his hair he stopped himself, knowing that you really prefer his hair curly and he would do just about anything to see the smile on your face like last time when you started playing with his curls.

The clock was agonisingly slow all fucking day and it was slowly driving him insane. He kept himself busy by bothering his friends, not talking about his upcoming date with anyone but George, who knew exactly why Matty was bothering him today.

Eventually the clock hit 2 and Matty got himself ready. He decided on a suit and he was going to go one better than last time and wear a bow tie instead of a plain old boring tie. But as he was attempting to do it without his stylist Patricia’s help he was failing miserably.

After a 5 minute FaceTime with her, and him attempting about 10 times and still failing, she ended up telling him to stop stressing out and just wear it untied as it still looked good. And after much internal debate when the call ended he decided that she was right, he left it hanging around his neck undone with his top button undone too.

When his taxi arrived, he double checked he had his wallet, phone, and cigarettes before he locked up. He doesn’t even care if he’s forgotten anything, he just can’t wait to see you again.

The drive feels like it takes forever, but he doesn’t care because with each passing second he’s getting closer to you. He’s really thankful he had his PA phone up the restaurant too not long after he made the reservation to ask if there was any chance the two of you could have a semi private table, and thankfully they agreed.

He doesn’t want any distractions from you today, and he’s aware you both can get recognized while out on this date so for both your peace of mind he was glad you could get a private space to enjoy each other’s company.

When he gets there, he just can't seem to stand still but he forces himself to lean against a column outside as he mindlessly scrolls through his phone to pass the time. It’s only a few minutes left until 4:30 so he knows you’ll be arriving soon and if he doesn’t distract himself then he’ll go mad over how slow time seems to be going.

Looking at the time on his phone again has him even more nervous, because it’s now eight minutes over your agreed time so his brain has him thinking of the scenario you promised him earlier wouldn’t happen.

And he knows he should trust your words but the excitement is slowly turning into anxiety and it’s not a pleasant feeling that’s gathering at the pit of his stomach.

Matty lights up a cigarette in hopes of helping him settle down a bit, and it works but not as much as a text of your coming through does.

He sighs in relief when he reads, I’m so sorry, I fully didn’t intend on being late but I’m stuck in traffic. I’m on my way xx

Taking a drag of his cigarette, he smiles to himself just from picturing you all stunning in the backseat of a taxi on your way to meeting him. Suddenly his anxiety turns into excitement again and he just wants everyone to move over so you can rush through the streets and make it to him faster.

Just imagining how you might be in the same position as him, he sends you a reassuring, It’s okay baby, I’ll be here waiting for you xx and when you get it, you feel your soul coming back to your body.

It’s not like he’d just up and leave for you being a few minutes late but there’s that constant thought in the back of your mind that loves to remind you how the whole situation is too good to be true and considering how things have gone for you in the past, your insecurities can get the best of you.

But just that one text has calmed you down and now you’re just squirming in your seat as your Uber slowly makes its way through the streets, stopping far more than you enjoy, and you’re painfully aware of every minute ticking by.

Every time the car has stopped in the past ten minutes, your heart has been going a bit faster and once the Uber driver hits the brakes again only one road away from the restaurant, you’re just completely done with it.

Your heart feels like it’s coming out of your chest when you open the door after you’ve told the driver that you’ll be getting out right there. You’d rather walk it than wait for everyone in front of you to move.

In a haste you make it out of the car right at the door of the Atlantic and you let out a shaky breath when you glance to your left and you can see the big letters of the Brixton House.

You swear you’ve not moved quicker in your life when you walk under the bridge and past a cafe, it’s just when you take a second to breathe right in front of the Brixton House that you see him waiting at the entrance of the restaurant, fiddling with his fingers and tapping his foot anxiously on the pavement.

You feel bad when you let out a giggle looking at him all nervous, you make sure your gaze stays on him as you walk a bit further just so you can stand directly in front of him across the street. And you just can’t help but admire all of him, curls perfectly untouched for you, dressed in a black suit and black dress shoes, an undone bowtie hanging around his neck, top button of his white shirt undone.

It’s a miracle you don’t melt right there and then when his eyes finally find yours and his whole face falls in such relief as he takes a deep breath and his hand comes over his chest. The biggest smile breaks on his face and you chuckle when you see him mouth a wow at you after giving you a full look.

Biting your bottom lip, you shrug as if it’s nothing to be amazed at and without wasting another second, you take advantage of the cars having stopped in traffic to cross the road and walk straight to him.

Automatically, your arms fly around his shoulders and his find their home around your waist, and the smell of his aftershave and cigarettes drowns you completely, making your head spin. It’s right then when it fully sinks in just how much you’ve missed him and your heart just grows in your chest when he clutches you a bit tighter to his chest.

“I’m sorry,” is the first thing you say, you hate knowing you’re about 15 minutes late and that he’s definitely been overwhelmed by that nagging feeling when somebody stands you up. “I truly didn’t mean to.”

Your voice sounds so incredibly worried so he gives you a little squeeze and jokes to help you relax, “It's actually terrible, and you were the one to call me out on our first date for being late. Don’t you only live ten minutes away from here?”

Chuckling into his neck, you poke his ribs to get back at him, making him jump in your arms at the sudden attack.

You take a deep breath, loosening your grip around him and he does the same so you both lean back to look at one another with your hands still on each other. “I know, I know,” You start, your hands going from his shoulders to cup his jaw and rub circles on his cheeks, “And I feel terrible.”

Matty feels like he’s putty in your hands, you make him feel so warm inside, he finds himself just wanting more of your touch. “I’m hurt.” He adds with a pout, playfully only because he wants his joke to keep going so he can give it to you like you gave it to him on your first date.

You pout back at him, continuing with your soft touches on his skin. “I’m so sorry, it’s been a nightmare.” You love the stubble he has going on right now, he just looks so good you can’t help letting your eyes wander all over his face now that you have him in front of you again.

“Do you have an excuse?” He jokingly challenges you to say something.

You look at him with pursed lips since your only excuse is exactly the one he gave you all those moons ago, “The traffic was terrible.”

“Always traffic.” He rolls his eyes and scoffs, his dramatic reaction makes you giggle and it takes only that sound to make him smile at you, “You can just admit you weren’t ready, you know?” He points out with raised eyebrows, still trying to appear serious but his elation to having you with him again has him completely failing as it just shines through his face.

You sigh, knowing that he’s joking about it all but you still feel the need to explain yourself. “Okay, god honest truth: I started getting ready at half twelve, was ready around two, but I just didn’t put my outfit on until three, so I didn’t ruin it by lounging about in it.”

You play back the day in your head and you’re almost wincing when you continue, “I was ready to leave at quarter past three but I didn’t want to be an hour early so I made myself wait, then no Uber would connect - should’ve thought about that in advance, taxis on New Years and all - then the driver couldn’t find my flat somehow and then there was just so much traffic, so here we are now.”

Sighing, you let your hands drop in front of you and start fiddling with your fingers before you add, “If I could go back, I would've set off an hour in advance, I’m sorry.”

“Okay, take a breath.” Matty’s hands are still on your waist so he pulls you in to leave a kiss on your temple, “It’s fine, baby. Let’s go inside, yeah?” He pulls back to look at you and seeing the way your face lights up has him grinning brightly.

He takes a hold of your hand and intertwines your fingers to make your way into the restaurant. It doesn’t take more than a minute for someone to check your reservation and then walk you over to where you’re gonna be seated.

What has you surprised is the fact that the hostess walks you through the restaurant and takes you away from the crowd of people in the main area, you’re actually guided through wooden doors that have a small privé written in gold in the middle of it and behind the doors, there’s only a few people in the few tables that are scattered around the room.

It’s much fewer people compared to the main area, and you notice the tables are much far apart with pieces of furniture and wine displays in between so the chatter is quiet in the background but you’re not awkwardly alone in the restaurant.

The hostess points you to your table and you almost coo at the sight of the little candles in the middle of it. She asks you which drinks you’re having and after Matty replies with some kind of wine, he drags the chair out for you to sit.

You take your blazer off your shoulders first and hang it on the back of the chair, “Private table and all?” Your eyebrows are raised and there’s a smirk on your face as you sit and you watch him take his own seat in front of you, “Blowing me away already, Mr. Healy.”

He chuckles at your words and smirks right back at you, “Just wait until I blow you away later.”

You press your lips together in surprise, trying not to smile at hearing his antics in person and not through the screen or reading them on texts, “Starting that early, are we?”

His hand goes over the table to reach yours, softly holding it and giving it a tiny squeeze to say, “We started that days ago, baby.” and finishing off with a cheeky wink that has you biting your tongue not to react.

You’re honestly not sure how you’ll survive this date knowing how he can get and just how much every single one of his comments affect you.

You play dumb, shrugging your shoulders as you say, “I wonder who started it.”

Your words die in your mouth when he looks firmly into your eyes and replies, “You did. In your room, the night before you left.”

A few seconds of silence pass as you look at him with your mouth slightly open and he’s loving it, you can see it in the way his smirk just doesn’t seem to want to leave his face so you narrow your eyes at him as if that will do anything.

It only makes him laugh and you are about to complain about him taking the piss out of you when he lifts your hand up to give it a small kiss and then softly brings it back down on the table and starts rubbing little circles on the back of your hand.

Your eyes fall to your hands and then back up at him, you find him already giving you the sweetest smile and it makes you want to hide behind your free hand.

And he only makes it worse when he is fully silent for a little bit and all that you can see in his face is adoration as he stares at you. His eyes go from your face to what you’re wearing and he does it once more before you call him out on it.

“It’s rude to stare.” You’re smirking at him, but inside you’re just screaming at the way he’s making you feel under his burning gaze.

Your whole body feels like it’s on fire when he replies, “Sorry, just can’t stop looking at you. You look stunning baby, so beautiful.”

Trying to change it back to him, you compliment him too, “You don’t look too bad yourself.”

But it’s a failed mission for him to stop looking at every inch of you because he’s giving you another look and taking a deep breath as if you’ve just stolen all of his oxygen by just being there.

He can’t even comment on the black ribbon you have tied in a bow around your neck like a choker. His thoughts went into the gutter straight away when he saw that additional piece. Not to mention the leather, again.

“I mean…” He tries to gather his thoughts but he just can’t really be coherent, “And the leather pants too? Are you trying to kill me?”

You get a little shy then, having to look away for a second and you let a few giggles escape your lips since you can still feel his eyes on you.

“Well maybe I did it on purpose.” You play, barely able to look back at him.

Matty can only smile seeing you get this flustered in front of him, and he can’t believe he’s got you finally in front of him. “I’ll die a happy death then.”

You close your eyes, unable to look at him and not squeal. It makes you shake your head, the chokehold he has you on, and when you do it, you can hear him chuckle.

“What?” He asks, amused at your actions.

“Nothing.” You reply, gathering yourself and slowly opening your eyes but they quickly move to the door the staff seemed to go through, “Where’s that wine when I need it?”

It seems like you’re saved by the bell when a waiter comes through the door with the bottle Matty asked for and a corkscrew in his free hand. Your glass is the first to be poured and you say a small thank you as you watch Matty’s glass fill too. The waiter asks you both if you’ve had a nice day and your heart feels like it's about to burst when Matty says, “It's a lot better now.” and he looks over at you.

At this point, you just know that your cheeks are going to be burning for this whole meal. There’s no doubt your feelings are written all over your face, so you just pray he takes some pity on you and you’re not sitting in your flustered embarrassment on this date.

Both you and Matty discuss the food for a little while, both saying how good everything sounds before you eventually settle on what you’re having. After you both order your food when the waiter comes back over, your eyes end up on your hands that are now interlocked across the table and Matty keeps subtly running his thumb over your skin.

It baffles you for a second how you didn’t even notice the both of you were sitting like that when the waiter was taking your orders. You’re not used to any public displays of affection really anymore, but the way this all feels so natural to you right now is really heart warming.

There's that little seed of self sabotage that has you wanting to pull your hand away from his once you realise, but you push that to the back of your mind and let yourself be happy.

Giving his hand a squeeze, you start saying, “Can you believe it’s finally New Years Eve? We’re finally here?”

“It’s about time.” There’s absolutely nothing that can wipe the smiles off your faces, and you’re quite sure no one would be able to properly say who has the biggest grin on their face.

“I feel like I’ve been waiting ages.” You admit truthfully, still pinching yourself over the fact that the day has finally come and you’re sat across from him.

Matty hums in agreement, continuing to make his touch known on the back of your hand. “Was it just me that thought this past week dragged on?”

“No, it really did.” You nod as you also have thought the same thing, like it was a poor joke made by high powers.

“I feel like Christmas was about a month ago.” Matty chuckles, and it makes you remember what you have in your bag for him.

“Oh,” You sit up a little straighter, and you very reluctantly let go of Matty’s hand so you can get your bag, “I have something for you.”

He’s a bit taken aback, scolding himself for not bringing anything to give you on the date, “Oh no, what is it?”

But he breathes a bit better when you say, “Your belated Christmas present.”

The way you’re looking at him with glimmery eyes full of anticipation has him cooing at you internally, but he’s quick to remind you of his words in the past days when you’d mentioned this very situation happening, “Baby, I told you not to get me anything.”

“Yeah okay, I get that,” You hold your hands up a little in surrender but carry on regardless, “But these really screamed you and when I saw them I couldn’t not get them for you. They’re just a bit of fun, okay? Don’t tell me off.”

You hand him the little box that’s wrapped in red and white striped paper and when he gets it, he holds it to his chest, “You really didn’t have to.”

Scrunching your nose at him because you just think he’s so cute, you assure him it’s really not a problem, “It's still not enough but I’ll make up for it with your birthday.”

“Planning on sticking with me for that long?” Matty makes it seem like he’s all jokes about it, like it’s just teasing but the prospect of you actually wanting to stay for long has his heart beating out of his chest.

You get a bit shy when you know what you suggested means, so hiding a bit into yourself you answer with a question, “If you want me to?”

He settles you rather fast when he winks at you as he says, “As long as you want to, baby.”

You shyly nod the tiniest bit before you look at the unopened present in his hands and tell him, “Come on, open it. I want to see your reactions.”

His fingers swiftly pick at the tape that’s holding the paper together and once he takes it all off, he’s met with a little box of lighters which he can see have little messages written on them and just giving them a quick glance, he’s already smiling to himself.

“Oh, these are fun.”

Matty can’t help but grin seeing what all of these lighters say. Theres five in this pack you’ve got him, and they say, Fuck your nudes send me fitpics, I wonder if life smokes after it fucks me, and, Ash is our purest form. He can’t help but think, Come on baby light my fire, is very fitting but Matty’s ultimate favourite says, If you wanna fuck smile when you give me the lighter back.

“Do you like them?” You can’t help but ask.

Matty nods, glancing at you before looking back to the lighters, “I really do.”

You then watch your date take them out of the box they came in, and he tests one quickly, something that's just as common as writing your name first when you get a new pen, and he smiles when they work. And you’re glad they do.

But then Matty passes you one with his grin getting bigger and you don’t even have to look at it to know that its the one about smiling if you want to fuck. And whilst you do, you’d like to have this date first.

“No,” You shake your head, trying your best not to laugh at him, “Not right now.”

Matty can’t help but laugh at you trying to keep the grin off your face as you hand it back to him. He pretends he’s innocent when he asks, “Why?”

He doesn’t want to take it back from you, but you’re insistent when you offer it back to him, “It doesn’t count if you do it right now.”

Matty frowns a little at that, not taking it back from you just yet. Instead, he cackles, “Since when does this have rules?”

“Since I just established them.” You raise your eyebrows at him and hold it out to him.

Matty’s frown persists, “That’s unfair.”

“You’re not allowed until later.” You shake your head, trying not to laugh at this but you’re almost failing miserably.

“How much later are we talking?” Matty asks curiously with a cheeky smile on his lips as he takes the lighter off you.

“You’re insufferable.” You laugh a little as you shake your head.

Instead of letting that be it though, Matty grabs your hand and intertwines your fingers across the table again and as he does, he raises his eyebrows and grins, “Oh am I? Tell me more.”

“How does everything manage to fuel your ego?” You sigh, not stopping the smile from taking over your face.

You absolutely adore the way he instantly starts caressing your hand.

“You should know this by now baby.” Matty smiles, and hearing the nickname he has for you again makes your heart leap.

“Right.” You nod, knowing you should. But you try to warn him off making this date too overwhelming for you, “Remember, I know many other things… So stop teasing.”

Matty knows that you’re alluding to your pictures that he likes, but he can’t help trying to make you go all embarrassed. He lets his eyes glance down to what you’re wearing again before they run back up to your gorgeous eyes, and he cheekily grins, “Don’t need your Instagram when you look like this in front of me.”

You use your free hand to rub your eyes, taking a second for a deep breath before you look back up at him. His grin is huge but you're trying to be serious when you tell him off, “Stop because I’ll combust before the starters even come out.”

“That quick?” Matty chuckles.

You bite your tongue before raising your eyebrows to warn him, “I’ll make sure to remember that later.” and both of you start laughing.

When the starters arrive, you and Matty chat about your Christmases and your families. Discussing where the both of you fit into your family dynamics is quite funny, and the way Matty describes what his family is like and how he talks about them makes your heart warm.

Matty loves hearing your stories though. Your various anecdotes about this Christmas and ones earlier in your life have him giggling and it makes him long to make memories with you.

He also loves the way you talk about Amelia. It really seems like you value her just as much as he does the boys, and the love you both have for your friends is nothing but a green flag.

After your plates are taken away, you end up talking a bit about his US tour as he had a few more funny anecdotes he hadn’t told you yet. You have your questions for him, and Matty answers them all honestly with a smile on his face, he can’t help but find it cute how curious you are, not just for the stories but how you also check if he enjoyed what he was up to.

“You know what I think is a crime?” You ask just after a question about his tour, so Matty can’t help chuckle at the complete switch in direction of the conversation.

He asks, “What?”

“That you don’t sing This Must Be My Dream live.” You call him out on it because it’s something you think needs to be addressed, for your sake and everyone else who wants to hear it.

Matty bursts out laughing at that, making you start giggling as well as his laugh is just one of pure and utter joy. You could honestly listen to it forever.

When he calms down, he asks, “Is that your favourite?”

“Maybe on that album, but don't distract me,” You smile but shake your head, not letting him change the subject, “I want you to play it on the UK tour. Preferably a day I'm in the crowd.”

Matty chuckles at that, expecting nothing less. And despite the fact it’s not going to happen, he double checks, “London, Manchester, and Newcastle, right?”

This makes you grin, finally having the upperhand with something to tease him with for a second, “And you say I'm obsessed with you? You’ve remembered all the dates I’m coming to.”

And you take a successful sip of your wine as a mini celebration for getting that in there. Matty loves the smug look you give him, but he can’t help but ruin it and bring it back around on you.

“You say that like you haven't paid to see me perform.” Matty chuckles, taking a sip of his own wine before continuing, “Which you don’t need to do… You can sell the tickets or gift them to someone if you want. I’ll put you on the guestlist.”

“Damn,” You can’t help but grin hearing that, “This must be going well if I'm already guestlist approved.”

And you really think it is going well. There’s never been a moment of silence between you other than when you’re taking a second to compose yourself after he’s just been overly flirty with you. And even then it's both of you trying not to laugh at your reactions. You love how this date is going, and you’re pleased Matty thinks so too.

“Of course.” Matty nods, reaching over the table for your hand again which you happily give him.

It really reminds you of that bit on your first date where he said ‘we’re all a bit needy’ and you really relate to that especially today. You’re glad he wants to touch you, it feels so much nicer than any other date that you’ve been on in the past.

You feel genuinely wanted by him. And that in itself makes your heart beat so much faster for him.

Matty decides to allude to something interesting that he knows you don’t know about yet. “And those shows are going to be interesting ones anyway.”

Your eyes somehow get brighter when they go wide. You have to ask, “In what way?”

“I can’t spoil the surprise,” Matty shakes his head, his curls almost going in his eyes as he does, but he’s not giving you anything. “It’ll give you something to look forward to.”

You smile, “More like it gives me incentive to come home from LA.”

“Yeah.” Matty nods.

That certainly played a little part in why he didn't want to tell you anything. Because he genuinely wants you around him for as long as possible and using your love for the band could ensure that. But mostly because he really wanted it to be a nice surprise for you.

Even though he would have you backstage beforehand, so you’d probably end up guessing the surprise. But still, the thought of you even being there backstage fills Matty with so much joy he can imagine himself trying to keep you around for as long as possible.

“I can’t believe you’re not going to tell me more.” You press your lips together and look down pretending to be hurt by it.

Matty chuckles at that, and he gives your hand a squeeze before admitting, “I like to keep you guessing.”

“Yeah,” You nod, giggling a little knowing that he really does. “So is Belfast going to be special because I’m bringing Amelia along for that one for her birthday, don’t forget.”

Your date chuckles but nods, “I’m sure we can make it special in a different way to the rest.”

Cheekily, you hope, “By playing This Must Be My Dream?”

“No.” Matty shakes his head.

You push on, “Antichrist then?”

“Woman, I will-” Matty starts warning you but you interrupt him.

“You can play Woman, that's a great song.” You fire straight back, keeping your face neutral as you add, “Entirely fine by me.”

“You know,” Matty grins, “That's the first time since our chicken shop date that you’ve gone back into your character.”

And when he points it out, you realise that you have. You drop the harder expression and let yourself smile.

“Sorry,” You shake your head a little, looking down embarrassed as you didn’t even notice,  “Sometimes I just slip into i-”

“Don’t apologise, it's what drew me to you in the first place.” Matty gives your hand a small squeeze, and when you look back up at him you see his big grin as he continues, “It just so happens I really like the way you can’t maintain that around me. I like seeing you flustered too much.”

“You can’t let me just have this date where it's just cute?” You narrow your eyes like you’re scolding him for it but your features soften when he gives you a little giggle in response.

Shaking his head and smirking at you, he replies, “No, I really love making you a hot mess.” And you’re about to scoff when he adds, “Emphasis on hot.” giving you another evident glace up and down.

He can tell that the sarcastic, “Right, thanks.” you let out is only a facade for your cheeks heat up and you purse your lips to try and not give him a reaction.

But he wants to break you, to see you flustered once more because he actually loves seeing the effect of his words shining through you and he’s sure he’d never get tired of it. “Though I would love to make an actual mess of you.”

Matty makes a subtle show of licking his lips and biting his bottom lip with his eyes stuck on yours. It all just makes you hold your breath and when you realise you’re doing that, he sees the way you let out a shaky breath only to take a deep one right away.

“You need to be stopped, we are in public. Quit the teasing.” You manage to say through your teeth, rolling your eyes but still giving him a little smirk.  

Your thoughts were already going crazy and he doesn’t help at all, not when he looks like that, when he smirks at you like that and especially not when he says, “You don’t know the half of it baby. I’ll have you begging soon and that’ll only be the start.”

That comment only adds to all that’s running through your head and seeing the scenario playing inside your mind has your mouth opening agape as you let out a scoff. He’s the biggest menace but you secretly love the way your insides knot and feel like they’re burning up at his words and under his gaze.

The mains arrive a few minutes after and you thankfully manage to pick your jaw up off the ground. Both of you have a normal, none teasing, conversation whilst you're eating, between moaning at how good the food is.

Enjoying yourselves so much, you even do the cheesy ‘wanna taste of mine’ and after some raised suggestive eyebrows, you do end up sharing a fork full of your different mains.

There’s a nice ambiance to the restaurant and it’s all very pretty. There are a few other slightly bigger tables across the other side of the room that gives the place a nice atmosphere, but you’re thankful you still have your privacy as there are serving stations in between you.

You talk all about what’s coming for you both next year, the continuation of the ‘At Their Very Best’ tour has both of you excited and you share the same excitement when you tell him all about the content you’re getting at the very start of the year.

You’re booked and busy. Golden Globes, the Brit Awards, your and Amelia’s Valentines Day party, recording multiple ads with different brands and various events during London Fashion Week.

It’s all very surreal to you so you ramble a little about the ideas you have to record in those events and when you mention your TikTok soon being filled to the brim with funny bits, he very quickly remembers his favourite videos you’ve posted both there and on your Instagram.

“Your latest reel made me laugh.” Matty grins, remembering it fondly.

He found your videos on Instagram and TikTok quite amusing and he found them not long after the NME Awards where you first met.

Despite being best friends, you and Amelia were quite different, especially when it came to your personal social media output. Amelia tends to keep up with the new music trends and the viral dances that come with it, and you take a very different approach to your best friend.

You’ve become known for taking the piss out of Amelia learning and practising those dances and then the camera flicks to you and of you trying and failing not to laugh. It started off with you having enough of whatever the new song was as you were forced to listen to it on repeat as she tried to learn the dances.

It left you bored or completely over it and when the camera flicked back to you from your best friend, people found it hilarious. Matty found it hilarious. And your last video could quite possibly be his favourite.

“Oh,” You chuckle at the memory, “The one where she stopped and told me off?”

Matty nods, already giggling as he remembers it, “When she threw that pillow at you, I laughed so loud.”

Your eyes go wide and you pretend you’re hurt, “Wow.”

“It was how shocked you were about it.” Matty giggles, replaying it in his mind as he grins at you, “And then you threw it back when she was dancing again and she fucking went for you and the video cut out. It was brilliant, something I would do to Hann.”

“I’m glad you find them amusing.” You smile, “Most of the time it’s the only way I can get through the time where we’re stuck together and she starts making the videos. It's the song playing over on repeat when I forget to bring my AirPods with me that kills me off. Rookie mistake on my part.”

Matty chuckles, “You never want to get up and do it with her?”

Instantly, you shake your head, “Not to shit songs like the ones that go viral.”

He frowns at you, knowing one of his songs has been quite popular in that app, “You calling About You shit?”

It’s a wonder why he even asked that when he has seen just how much you love that song.

“Clearly not, but you didn’t make a shitty dance to that song, did you?” You raise your eyebrows to make him understand your point.

He shrugs softly, understanding what you mean, “No, just to Oh Caroline.”

You scoff out a laugh, not believing he’s just said that. “That dance is far from shit.”

“You’d dance to that one then?” His eyebrow raises as if he’s challenging you to say yes.

“Yeah and I have.” You easily admit, you loved that dance so much so it hadn’t been a burden learning it.

“What?” He asks all smiles, trying to picture you dancing to it.

And you smile back at him as you explain, “Amelia asked me to learn it with her. And because I like the song, I reluctantly agreed.”

Matty loves this new piece of information so he fully states, “Now you’ve got to do the dance with me.”

But you quickly turn him down because you know you’d get so nervous dancing it with him that you’d end up messing up, and he also was a good dancer so you knew you weren’t going to live up to his expectations. “I’ll save myself the embarrassment and stick to dancing with Amelia.”

He pouts exaggeratedly, doing his best puppy eyes at you, “Who am I gonna dance with then?”

You only give him a fake pout back, sarcasm in every word you say next, “I’m sure you’ll manage to find someone, you always do.”

In a fraction of a second, his expression switches to a shit-eating grin and he takes your comment as an opportunity to tease you, “Is that a little green I see in your eyes?” His eyes narrow like that’s gonna make you admit you’re jealous.

“No.” You reply meekly, cutting his advances to get another reaction from you.

He’s not quite done yet though, so he brings back a moment to refresh your memory, “Remember when you kissed Amelia and put it on Instagram because you were jealous?”

“Oh yeah,” You nod, and after you’ve taken a sip of your wine, you fire right back at him, “Remember when you did the same when you kissed Ross the night after?”

Matty just smirks, “Bet you were jealous of that too.”

“Jealous of you, yeah.” You nod, knowing just how much it subtly enrages him.

Matty scoffs, “We’re on a date.”

You raise your eyebrows, challenging him, “And you’re bringing up me being jealous.”

“I like to tease you.” He reminds you with a cheeky smile, really trying to act like he’s all innocent and doesn’t have any other intentions.

“Yeah I know you do.” You giggle a bit and shake your head, fighting a smile breaking out on your face. “Trying to make me go crazy before the day is done.”

He loves how you’re trying to scold him for it but you’re failing miserably at keeping a stoic expression, so he points out the truth that’s written all over your face, “You love it really.”

“Mhhh.” You hum, not giving him an answer. “I think you love doing it just as much.”

“Oh definitely,” He assures with an enthusiastic nod of his head, “I’m dying to get my hands on you.”

You let out a chuckle at his bluntness, “I bet you are.” You say it in a way that seems uninterested but he knows you’re forcing it so he can’t fully see it on your face that you want it too.

“You act like you’re not thinking the exact same.” Matty calls you out straight away, “Or do I need to remind you of your texts?”

You bite your tongue and stay silent for a long couple of seconds before you can finally admit why you’re holding back. “Maybe I’d agree if we weren’t in public and you’re not trying to tease.”

He makes sure to joke about so that you get a bit more comfortable but completely understanding where you’re coming from. “You knew what you were getting into when you agreed to the date.”

“Maybe I just can’t refuse a date when one is offered?” You offer as a reason even though you’ve never been more thankful to be sitting across from someone.

Rolling his eyes playfully, he asks with sudden curiosity sparking, “Has there been any other dates with anyone you’ve been on your chicken shop dates with that you wanted a second date with?”

“Oh yeah, loads of people.” You nod enthusiastically, “Me and Amelia talk about them all the time.”

Only letting out a small, “Oh.” he keeps quiet to encourage you to continue and he’s actually intrigued now because of how fast your answer was.

Making a rundown through the memories of your chats with Amelia about this exact topic, you take a small breath before starting your list. “So I want a second date with Yungblud.”

Matty pulls a face at that name, and “Why?” immediately falls from his lips.

But you ignore him and just continue name dropping, “And I want my one with Charli… And I guess KSI, Jade from Little Mix, Bimini was a fave, Finneas too.” And the more names you list, the further Matty’s face falls. “I’m doing one with Kehlani too and I’m excited for that, and I would so go out with Phoebe again. I thought me and her made a great couple.”

“Okay,” Matty raises his finger to stop you for a moment and he says, “I thought you were just going to say one, not list your phone book.”

“Aw, are we getting a little jealous?” You pout, teasing him.

He doesn’t let a single second go by when he replies with a stern “No.”

“Oh,” You grin, knowing you have the upper hand now, “I think you are.”

When you don’t get one word from him, only that blank stare of his, you take it a bit further, “You wanna be my one and only Matty?”

It certainly reaches his ears in such a teasing tone but he genuinely answers it with, “Yeah, I do.”

That makes you melt inside, seeing the soft smile that tugs at the corner of his lips when you just keep looking at him has you needing to reassure him of it all now and remind him just how special this whole situation with him really is.

“Well I haven’t been on a second date with anyone else.” You start, your eyes solely focused on him and a growing grin on your face, “Only ever had one in my flat.” Your hand reaches out to grab his and when you do, you squeeze it as you say, “Only one has slept in my bed.”

A few beats of silence pass, both of you are stuck staring at each other and the touch of your skin setting both of you up alive. Matty licks his lips and replies, “Lucky them.”

If he wasn’t so focused on every one of your movements, he could’ve missed the little shake of your head you give him before correcting him, “Lucky you.”

You fill up with pride when you see his cheeks get a little pink and he breaks eye contact, getting too flustered under your gaze, so you take the opportunity to tease him. “Jealousy looks good on you.”

And this becomes yet again one of those instances you are reminded to not mess with him because he knows just what to say back so your teasing ends up biting you back, “You know what else would look good on me?”

“What?” You naively inquire back.

“You.” He simply responds, “Preferably with nothing on, riding me how you were going to the other night.”

He can feel the way you freeze across from him, even your breath getting caught in your throat and it’s like you have forgotten how to function after that. So to make it even worse for you, and for him to get an even better reaction, he continues to run his dirty mouth.

“Or would you prefer me on top of you?” Matty leans closer so he can drop his voice and ask you in a low voice, “Your legs wrapped tight around my waist, I can kiss and tease that pretty neck of yours until you're begging for me to put my hands to better use than holding yours above your head.”

Matty’s lip twitches up into the beginning of a smirk when he sees the way that has affected you. He can’t help but ask, “You like that baby?”

You nod aimlessly, you’re looking straight at him but you’re not really processing him. Instead you’re picturing that exact scenario he’s describing in your head and how desperate you actually are for it.

And you’re lost for what feels like a long few minutes when in reality it’s ten seconds of barely breathing as you repeat his words in your head and love the feeling of him still gently caressing your skin from across the table as if he’s not just talked about fucking you into a mattress.

But it’s like you’re jolted out of that fantasy when the waiter comes back over and politely asks, “Would you like to order any desserts?”

Matty glances at you, prompting you to speak first as if he hasn't just given you a mini stroke.

“I-” You stutter as you look from Matty down to your menu, but nothing sounds as good as what you were just offered. So you pick up the piece of paper and hand it back to the waiter with a small smile, “I’m good, thank you.”

“You sure?” Matty double checks, not wanting this date to be over just yet.

“Yeah.” You nod, and Matty realises exactly why you’ve declined when you add, “Might have something at home later.”

So without question, Matty agrees and does the same thing.

“I'm also alright, thank you.” He hands the menu back and with the mutual understanding that has just passed between you in just that glance, Matty asks, “Can we have the bill please?”

“Course.” The waiter nods and wonders back off over to the bar.

Matty is pulling his wallet out of his inside blazer pocket when he catches you lifting your bag up and he knows what you’re about to do so he instantly stops you, “Put your bag down.”

“But I-”

“No,” Matty interrupts, being serious when he says, “I asked you out, I’m paying.”

“Okay then,” You agree, because if you don’t you’ll argue over it for hours. Instead, you tell him, “But I’m paying next time.”

Matty’s grin is instant. He raises his eyebrows at you, smirking slightly, “Next time?”

You hum a little, and you play on it a little, “Depending on how your performance tonight goes, I reckon I’d go out with you again.”

As if you wouldn’t feel like the luckiest woman alive to go on another date with him.

“Okay,” Matty stands up, “He’s not fast enough, I’m going to go pay.”

You can’t help the laugh that falls from your lips, along with, “Eager much?”

Matty leans down and whispers, “For you, very.” before he very quickly presses a kiss to your neck and he walks off over to the bar to pay.

You take a minute to control the way your cheeks start burning, and you look down to compose yourself as you take a deep breath.

Your mind is echoing with a chorus of what the fuck? and the pure disbelief seems to be stuck with you and not wanting to leave. It’s a weird feeling that overcomes you as you are impatient and time seems to be going far too slow now but, at the same time, you’re feeling like there’s not enough time for you to get your wits about.

When Matty comes back over, you’ve just put your blazer back on and he takes your hand and helps you stand. He then grabs his blazer and puts it on, making sure your presents are still in his pocket before he intertwines your fingers and you both make your way out.

As you leave, you both thank the waiter for serving you and they wish you both a happy new year and you say the same back. When you get outside, it's no surprise to you that Matty pulls out his pack of cigarettes, it's certainly been a few hours since he last had one.

It had started raining since you were last outside and it's still coming down now, but neither of you mind too much. Matty pulls you out into the rain again, which has you giggling because it's all too like the end of your first date.

“Remember when you told me to live a little and stand in the rain with you?” You giggle, wrapping your arms around his neck as the rain falls on you both.

“I remember getting you all wet, yeah.” Matty grins, his hands on your hips pulling you flush against him now you’re in your own company again. But of course, he has to keep you on your toes, he leans in and quietly says, “Believe I can do it again, bit better this time.”

You bite your lip and you scrunch your face up and look down so he can’t fully see how much he affects you. Inside you're silently screaming and you playfully push against his chest, but Matty keeps you close.

He giggles, not letting you go at all, and he teases, “I fucking love teasing you.”

“Yeah I know.” You shake your head, trying your best to keep some composure when you look back up at him.

Matty can’t help but laugh at your reaction, but then he notices the rain again and he starts moving the both of you back towards the side of the restaurant as the taxi he ordered clearly isn’t here yet, “Come on, let's get you out of the rain.”

“I-” You’re about to tell him that you don’t mind, that it’s just a bit of rain. But then Matty moves you against the wall of the restaurant and he stands flush against you, practically pushing you against the wall as he’s trying to shield you from the rain. A surprised, “Oh?” leaves your lips as you smirk at the entire situation.

Matty tries not to show how much he likes you reacting to him, this time he instead takes his cigarettes out of his blazer pocket and lights up his own before he offers you one, “Do you want a cig?”

You nod, “Please.” and he offers you the pack and lighter.

After you’ve lit it, the first drag somehow calms you down a little, and you both find yourselves subtly glancing at the other like you’re not practically pressed against each other and you’ve not just been on a date.

A minute passes that's filled with noises of traffic, the relief that smoking gives you, and longing looks at each other. But when the rain starts falling a little heavier and the wind picks up, it hits the side of your faces making you scrunch your features and laugh.

Both of you wipe the water away, and Matty takes a drag of his now nearly finished cigarettes saying, "You know what we really need right now?"

"Funnily enough, I do." You nod, remembering what you brought with you and Matty watches as you reach into your bag and pull out his umbrella that he gave you after your first date.

As Matty smiles at you, you hand it back as you remind him, "Promised you'd have it back for New Years." and he laughs and takes it from you.

“Why didn't you give it me a few minutes ago?” Matty asks, putting it up immediately and standing closer to you so he can cocoon you both against the wall and away from the rain. He tuts, “You let me get all wet."

"And give up you pressing me into a wall? I don’t think so." You grin as you raise your eyebrows at him, and his smirk has you wanting to melt right then and there.

Whilst the confidence is bubbling inside you, before you back out of it, you say what you’ve been thinking for your whole date. “You look good by the way.” You say as you take the last drag of your cigarette before you throw the stub to the ground.

“Thank you,” Matty smiles, standing a bit taller at the fact you approve of his attire. “I did dress for the occasion this time.”

“Mmmh,” You hum, trying not to smile as you pretend to scold him, “Couldn’t finish it off and do the tie for me though?”

Matty smiles at you taking a hold of either end of his undone bowtie then, but instead of teasing you, he admits as he takes another drag, “Not through the lack of trying.”

“Awh,” You coo, grinning at him in a way that makes his chest ache, “Did you make an effort for me?”

Matty nods, “I tried my best.”

You hum, your eyes going from his back down to his white shirt with the top button undone and the loose tie that you have a hold of. You want nothing more than to tug on it and pull him into a kiss, but you refrain for a moment more before you look back up at him just after you whisper loud enough for him to hear, “One less thing to take off you I guess.”

At that you feel his free hand grip on your waist that little bit tighter and when he sees you run your tongue over your lips, wetting them that little bit more that somehow makes them even more enticing, he’s seconds away from smashing his lips against yours. The only thing that stops him is the little, “Oh.” of realisation that you let out.

His eyes find yours again as you offer him back his lighter with a knowing smile and a, “Here you go.” And it’s when he takes it from you, you see the wave of realisation take over his face and he grins at you seeing that he had accidentally handed you the lighter that had ‘if you want to fuck smile when you hand me the lighter back’ on it. And you’re smile is fucking huge.

Pocketing the lighter, Matty looks back into your eyes and raises his eyebrows at you, like he’s checking your earlier rules. You just give him a cheeky smirk and eyebrow raise which screams that you’re very much on board with the idea.

“Please let me take you home.” Matty pleads as he presses you into the wall a little more, his hand finding your hip again wanting to hold you.

Trying your best to refrain from kissing him just a second longer, but you’re only human. All you can do is nod before you pull on both ends of his undone tie and his lips crash against yours.

You’ve waited so long to feel this again and the way your heart rapidly beats in your chest as he freely moans against your lips has your head spinning. He tastes like the red wine you’ve both just been drinking, and it makes you pull that bit more on his tie so he can’t escape you.

You feel Matty’s free hand move from your hip to cup your jaw, tilting it up and he holds you there firmly, not wanting this kiss to end. It’s been a long fucking week and he’s been dreaming of kissing you again, among other things.

Wishing time would stop for you is clearly not enough because after a long minute of giving into what you’ve both craved for so long, you’re interrupted. Both of you pull away when you hear Matty’s phone ringing, and there’s a buzz to you both. The air between you is charged and you don’t for a second think that is going to change until you get somewhere private.

“Taxi’s here,” Matty announces, and immediately he takes your hand and says, “Come on.”

You silently giggle and follow him to the car, and he protects you with the umbrella as you move instead of himself. You can’t stop smiling at the way he opens the door for you and you get in with a small embarrassed smile and a little shake of your head. But you shouldn't be surprised when he slides in next to you, making you sit in the middle.

As you’re putting your seatbelts on, the taxi driver greets you, asking how you are and once you both tell him that you’re good, he double checks the address you’re going to, but what surprises you is that he reads out your address that Matty must have already put into the app. You’re about to correct him, but the curly haired man beside you confirms and says, “Yeah, that's great mate. Thanks.”

And with that the driver is off, but you’re left to glance at Matty curiously, and when he meets your gaze, you ask him, “I thought we were going back to yours before George’s?”

“It's too far away.” Matty shakes his head before leaning closer to say a little quieter, “Think we’ve both waited long enough, don’t you?”

The look in both of your eyes screams sin. And something in you bubbles with nerves but overall excitement.

You nod, a little short of breath but you don’t think Matty notices that, but he does steal a quick but longing kiss before you part and try to calm yourselves down. And as your date starts politely conversing with the taxi driver, asking how long he’s on for tonight and if he minds how busy it's going to be, you have a quiet moment to yourself where you let your reality sink in.

You’re about to have sex with Matty Healy.

You should know that the curly haired man can’t stop his teasing for the journey back to yours. No, you’re sure he insists on being a tease to slowly drive you insane as to what's about to happen.

At first you think it’s nothing but him being touchy with you, him once again showing his affection towards you through simple touches to the top of your thigh. You half think its because he likes the tight leather pants you have on too, but it soon becomes clear what his intentions actually are when his fingers slip to the inside of your thigh.

Immediately, you hold your breath and you can’t not watch what he’s doing, as it somehow makes his touch even more agonising. The leather does nothing to minimise his touch, and when his fingers run along the seam of the pants you feel yourself go a bit dizzy.

If his touch feels this good now, you can’t imagine how intense it’s going to be when there is no restricting material between you. And you can’t fucking wait for it, but here in this taxi his touch feels a little dangerous, something the both of you know you shouldn’t be doing, but that somehow makes it even more exhilarating.

Matty can see the way you’re watching him, and he can’t help but smile as you’re doing absolutely nothing to stop him. He fucking loves the way he can see your breathing gets a little more laboured and he can practically hear the thoughts running around your mind because they are the exact same as his own.

When you’re a few minutes away, you can’t handle Matty’s teasing anymore, so instead you trap his hand on your thigh by crossing your legs, making it so he can’t move it anymore but he’s still holding you. The way you can feel his smirk when you do that, and you can feel it as if his stare alone is making your cheeks burn.

“Tease.” You mutter under your breath.

And you can hear his smile as he leans closer and whispers, “You’ve seen nothing yet baby.”

“Neither have you.” You try to maintain your strength.

“We’ll see.” Matty backchats.

You quietly hum in response to that but let your fingertips do the same that he was doing to the top of your thigh. You trace patterns near his knee, and from your peripherals you can see your date is about to say something, but because he’d already been so chatty, the driver asks him another question about your plans for the evening. As Matty is telling him about the party you’re going to later, you continue to tease, not letting him win like he was trying to.

As he gets a little more into the conversation, you move your fingers from running up and down the top of his thigh to the inside of it and you let them reach higher up his leg. You just about see his head whip around to look at you, but you ignore him and continue.

You move back down his thigh as the driver is talking, but as soon as Matty is chatting again, your back up near his crotch and you feel the hand on your thigh tighten, like he needs to hold something so he doesn’t completely fall apart at your teasing. But that’s how you know you’ve got him right in the palm of your hand, and whilst you still have some power left, you use it to your advantage.

Doing the same thing again, waiting this time until he’s just about done talking, you move your hand right up the inside of his thigh until you grab his crotch and keep pressure on it. You can feel how hard he’s getting beneath your palm and the sharp intake of breath as he stutters to the end of his sentence has you having to press your lips together and dip your head to maintain your innocence.

The driver must start talking again but neither of you pay attention to it as Matty’s lips are against your ear in a second and he whispers, “You’re playing a dangerous game baby.”

“Think you’re enjoying it.” You whisper back and you gently but firmly squeeze just to tease him that extra bit as the car pulls over and you’re finally back at your flat.

Rushed pleasantries are exchanged with the driver, all wishing each other a happy new year before you and Matty scramble out of the car. Matty even being a gentleman and grabbing your hand to help you out before thanking the driver again and shutting the door.

Walking up to your building, you stand at the door and try to unlock it as fast as you can, but you’re letting your pent up emotions get the better of you. And it gets worse when Matty comes to stand behind you, it just makes your flustered mind even worse.

You feel Matty’s hands on your hips, but the way he then presses himself against your arse and you can feel just how hard he is now he’s standing up has your mind sinking further and further into the gutter. “You’re such a fucking tease baby.” Matty says in a low voice, as he waits for you to open the door, and he leaves a teasing kiss on the back of your neck after he brushes your hair away.

“Get used to it.” You tell him, trying not to care if you think he can see your shaky hands, you unlock the door a few seconds later and the both of you head inside. Matty playfully slaps your arse as you both head up the stairs which has you both laughing as you practically race to your floor.

You’ve never been so thankful not to live too many floors up because you can feel the energy between you now and it’s electric. You need to be inside your flat, you need his hands on you, his lips on yours. You just need him.

Once inside your flat, both of you are on each other immediately. As soon as the door is shut and locked, Matty’s lips find your own and you’ve been pushed up against your door.

Groaning into the kiss, Matty can’t keep his hands to himself. One of his hands is quick to get a hold of your waist to keep you flush against him as if there was a way for you not to be, you’re trapped between your door and him so the feeling of his fingers clutching at you makes you even needier.

His other hand cups your jaw firmly, his thumb pressed on your cheek and it seems to stay there for a while, that is until he pushes his hips into yours and you can’t help the whimper falling from your lips. That ends up with his hand slowly going down and wrapping his fingers around your neck, applying a delicious pressure that has your head spinning.

The only thing going through your head now is how badly you need him closer, and if you weren’t so overcome with lust, you’d laugh at yourself since there’s really not more space between you but it certainly feels like he isn’t close enough.

Instead of tugging him closer by his tie, you decide to move things along and push his blazer back off his shoulders. Seeing where this is going, Matty lets the material fall from him and he pulls you towards him as he moves you both further into your flat.

Your hands are cupping his face, keeping him in the kiss, making it difficult when Matty starts to push your blazer off of you too. Letting one arm loose at a time, still clutching him with your other, you let him take the blazer off you as you both blindly stumble towards your bedroom.

Just after it hits the floor, you hear Matty kick your bedroom door open and you both can’t help but giggle at the loud thud and the door almost bouncing back and hitting you. Not letting that distract you though, you kiss him again this time walking him further back into your room towards your bed.

As soon as Matty feels the mattress behind his knees, he sits down on it, keeping you in the hot and needy kiss as you come to straddle him. Both you and Matty moan when he pulls your hips down onto his, and you’re overcome with sinful thoughts when you feel how hard he is.

Thankfully, this is the time and the place to let all of these fantasies become reality. Like you did last week, you push on Matty’s chest and he falls onto his back with a groan and you give yourself a second to smirk down at him.

Just to tease, as you lean down over him, you roll your hips on top of his causing a delightful friction between you that has you holding in a moan and Matty freely gasping before he clutches your hips so he can encourage you more.

One of your hands runs slowly down his chest and your fingers deftly undo the few buttons that were keeping his shirt closed. You leave a trail of fire on his skin as your fingertips ghost over every inch of his chest, and when you reach his We Are Kings tattoo, you make sure to give it a bit more attention.

Matty grows breathless, unable to continue kissing you and it just has you smirking, lips still hovering over his.

A shaky breath he takes encourages you to teasingly trace the band of his boxers that are peeking through the top of his pants. The way he throws his head back slightly and closes his eyes harder is then permanently engraved in your mind.

His mouth is further up now that he’s moved, so you leave a peck on his chin and start making your way down his neck, leaving open mouthed kisses in your wake. That is until you reach a spot at the bottom of his neck that has him shuddering when your lips find it, and after that reaction you can’t hold yourself back from encouraging more out of him.

Pride fills you completely when you get a string of soft moans as you lick and suck on the particular place on his neck and you’re certain you won’t let up on it until his fingers tangle in your hair and he lets out a choked, “Fuck baby, c’mere.”

The husky tone of his voice has you aching between your legs and you just can’t not obey when he sounds like that.

You see his blown out pupils for a fraction of a second when he’s pulled you back up to face him but then he’s crashing his lips against yours and it’s a hungry kiss, so desperate you know your lips will be swollen but somehow that notion only gets you going even more.

The whimper you let out as you kiss him has Matty knowing you’re enjoying yourself, but he wants more. Before he can even think about it though, you distract him again. Your hand finds home around his throat, tightening to keep him in the kiss you’re sharing and it makes Matty’s body feel like he’s being set alight.

You feel the vibration of the moan he lets out under your hand and it makes you smile in the kiss, breaking it from the immense satisfaction from both what you’re doing and his reactions.

But he’s desperate to keep his lips on yours so he doesn’t waste a second to kiss down your jaw, kissing every bit of your neck he can reach.

Your breathing becomes more agitated when he gives your neck attention, that combined with the incessant rocking of your hips has your senses going out of control.

Matty brings one of his hands up and, with every passing second, it gets closer to your chest. The moment he starts groping one of your breasts and pinches your nipple over your bralette, you let out a stuttering moan.

The sound only encourages him to continue and you’re enjoying it far too much, so much so that you have to think of a way to make him stop because you know that if he keeps it up then this isn’t going to last long. And you want to elongate this as much as you can – fuck wherever you need to be afterwards, you don’t care about being late right now.

So your hands clasp around his wrists and lift them up and over his head, fingers keeping his hands on the bed and away from being able to touch you.

His eyes narrow, like he’s challenging you to actually go through with your actions and since you have no plan on giving up on them, you smirk down at him feeling every bit of power having him under you at what seems completely your mercy.

The motion of your hips becomes more intently then, keeping the pace you had but being more mindful of every sway. Matty has a half mind to give you a bit of time to soak up the feeling of power but he grows impatient and even if he likes seeing you on top of him, taking it all into your hands, he’s been quite literally dreaming of having you unravel beneath him for so long and there’s no more time he can wait for it to happen.

In a swift movement, he manages to break free from your hold and wraps his arm around your waist to flip you both over. It’s like you’ve just blinked and you’re now under him. You would complain any other time but this is now happening and you’re not doing a thing to stop it.

“Okay, you’ve had your fun baby,” Matty grins, looking down at your shocked expression, “My turn.”

Your stomach fills with anticipation hearing that, and it’s like Matty knows because half a second later you’re trapped in a searing kiss. Your fingers instantly find his hair and you can’t stop yourself from tugging on it, wanting him as close as possible.

It’s difficult to keep track of time in moments like this. It could be a minute or it could be 15 that go by as Matty teases you. His hands start exploring your body as you're happily trapped kissing him.

With the hand that’s not keeping him propped up, he lets it travel down your side, his touch leaving a hot trail of goosebumps erupting on your skin. You moan when your breasts get some more attention, him teasing you through your bralette and the curly haired man can’t help but want to hear more of your sweet sounds.

When his lips begin to trail down your jaw and neck, his hand gets lower too, moving from your tits down to your arse where he takes a handful of it and he pulls you towards him. That has you moaning because his knee is pressed directly between your legs and the friction, along with his lips now attacking to top of your breasts, has you dazed in pleasure.

There’s no way you won’t have some bruises from the intensity at which he kisses and grabs you, but you wouldn’t change anything about the situation you’re in. And Matty can tell by the way you’re moaning and tugging on his hair encouraging him that you’re enjoying yourself.

Matty absolutely loves the way you don’t even try to hold back your pleasured whines as he teases your neck with kisses. The only place he misses is where that ribbon choker of yours is tied around your neck, he wants to keep that on as long as possible so he moves the longer ends to the other side of your neck.

It’s when his lips find yours again that you lose track of time. To be honest, you wish you could stop time and keep the both of you like this forever with your hearts racing, lips getting even more swollen from the intensity of your kisses. You’d die a happy woman, but after a while it gets to the point where you need more.

With him lent forwards over you, kissing you with just as much intensity as when you started, you keep on finding your hips bucking up into him as your clit is getting the friction from you moving against his thigh. And the whines that you’re letting out that Matty swallows when his lips are against your own have him getting harder at the sound.

You need more, and he wants to give you more. So he lets his hand trail back down your body until he teases you by tracing the waistband of your pants. Only then does Matty break your kiss so he can look at you when he quietly asks, “Can I take these off you, baby?”

A small whine escapes your lips and nodding eagerly, you reply, “Please.”

His fingers very quickly undo the button and tug the zip down, and when that’s done you make sure to lift your hips up so it’s easier for him to peel the pants off you but when he goes to do that, they don’t seem to want to move.

Matty tries once more but they don’t budge, you’re about to let out a cry of frustration but his giggles reach your ears and a smile appears on your face.

“Looks like we need to stand up for this.” He looks so amused by the situation, it certainly rubs off on you and you’re both trying to hold back your laughs as you stand up and go to try again.

“Fucks sake,” You are cursing under your breath, chest heaving as you both try to pull down your leather pants but struggling with them going past your hips. “Maybe leather pants weren't the best move.” You let out a giggle, wiggling your way out of them.

“Oh no they were.” Matty shakes his head, immediately disagreeing with your joke. “They are so worth the trouble baby.”

Once he manages to pull them down further, by the time it gets to your mid thigh, the pants end up falling down on their own and pooling around your ankles. Your heels are quickly toed off then, your pants going somewhere behind you along with the shoes.

You’re so ready to resume things when he adds, “Though I prefer you without them.” And that’s enough to earn him a laugh, but he’s serious and he lets you know despite letting out a little giggle to match yours. “Look at you.” He says with his hands on your hips, his gaze going up and down your figure and he’s completely taken aback by how fucking beautiful you look even when you seem to be getting a little shy.

But you’re standing there only in your bralette, your black lace underwear and your ribbon choker tied around your neck, and the singer cannot believe his luck. There’s nothing more he wants than you, in any way you’ll let him have you.

The way he’s looking at you makes you so warm inside, feeling entirely comfortable with him despite what should have been a really awkward moment, he made it feel normal and made you feel safe with him. You cup both of his cheeks when you lean in to kiss him again and Matty’s hands wrap around your waist, pulling you back into him.

You direct him back to the bed, and Matty sits back on the side of it and you don’t hesitate to straddle him again. Matty has no issues with this at all, he takes full advantage of the situation and his hands grab your arse, squeezing it as he kisses you making you chuckle into your kiss.

As intensity builds between you again, Matty feels you lean forward into him clearly trying to encourage him to fall backwards, but he’s not having that. Instead he uses his grip that he has of you to quickly stand up with you in his arms before he moves the both of you properly onto your bed, with you beneath him how he wants.

“Nice try baby.” Matty shakes his head, and you giggle before he captures your lips again with his.

The both of you settle yourselves and you’re kissing for a while when Matty’s hips start grinding into yours and with how hard he is, your mind is reeling. You need more. And with your broken whines that he silences, Matty knows what you’re after already so he lets his hands trail down your body again.

When his finger hooks into the top of your underwear, you know what he's about to ask, so instead of him having to, you nod into your kiss and give an encouraging tug on his curls.

You thought he was going to pull them off you, but instead Matty trails his fingers down the line where your underwear meets the top of your thigh down to where you’re aching for him. He can feel how wet you are through the lace and it makes him groan into your kiss. But the way you gasp when he moves your underwear to the side and his fingers finally make contact with where you’re throbbing for him has you choking on air.

The teasing circles Matty starts leaving on your clit makes you break your kiss and you moan into your bedroom. Your reaction has the curly haired man smirking, fucking loving the way you react to him.

Matty kisses your neck when he lets his fingers tease your entrance, and the way you moan loudly when his fingers dip inside you has Matty having to bite his tongue so he doesn’t cum his pants there and then. You sound fucking heavenly and the fact Matty is drawing those sounds from you has him desperate to hear more.

Before he lets you get fully used to the sensation, he draws his fingers back up bringing your wetness up to your clit so he can carry on teasing you. This time he adds more pressure and with the way he sees your hips moving against his digits, he takes it as a cue to let you get yourself off on his hand.

Driven by the need of reaching your orgasm your hips grow erratic as his fingers are still pressing on your clit. Your face is scrunched up in pleasure, but when you open your eyes to look down where his hand is, you find him looking down at you with his mouth agape.

Little gasps leave his lips as your wetness coats his hand and you can see it written on his face how much this is sending him into overdrive but you need him inside you again, you’re getting so close to your climax that you’re growing desperate for him to resume what he was doing a minute ago.

So you bring one of your hands down to hold his wrist and, though it frustrates you for a second to have his fingers leave your clit, you guide his fingers back to your entrance.

You haven’t broken eye contact and that might be the one thing that makes him give into your wishes. He’s come to find out there’s nothing he can deny you when you’re staring straight into his eyes.

When his fingers sink back inside you, deeper this time, and his palm cups your clit, your whines and moans encourage him to continue.

“Matty - fuck, please.” And with the way you’re almost clawing through his shirt at his back, Matty isn’t one to argue with what you want.

He starts fucking you with his fingers, and he quickly gets to know what you like. You’re beyond easy to read and he loves that you aren’t holding anything back from him. He loves your whines, gasps, and moans. He’s thankful he can hear them over how loud he can hear his own heartbeat.

With all the teasing and the relentless rhythm of his fingers, it doesn’t take long for you to feel the familiar ache of your orgasm building.

Matty can feel and see how close you are. His eyes rarely leave your face, noting and memorising the way your muscles strain and the way you look when he does something he now knows you like, all bringing you towards your climax. But he uses that to his advantage, when he can tell you’re almost there, with one more curl of his fingers, Matty withdraws them completely.

“No,” You can’t help but let out a small whine at being left with nothing when you were mere seconds away from an orgasm.

But Matty doesn’t listen to your complaints. Instead, he draws his hand up from between your legs and as his brown eyes stare into yours, he instructs, “Open your mouth.”

You do as you’re told, your mind is too dopamine induced to argue, and you follow his instructions without question. You know what's coming anyway, and you’ll happily suck his fingers clean and make a show of it for him.

But that’s where you’re wrong. Instead, Matty surprises you by sucking his own fingers clean and you’re just watching him above you in awe. The way he moans at the taste of you has you staring at him and if your mouth wasn’t already open, it definitely would have fallen like that. He looks so fucking hot.

And when his eyes open, the lust he’s feeling is clear to see. But your heart stops when he withdraws his fingers and grabs your jaw, holding it open further and Matty leans down a little and spits into your mouth.

How your eyes don’t roll back in pleasure, you don’t know. You hum as you close your mouth and swallow, your hips roll in a subconscious effort to alleviate the ache between your legs but his thigh is a bit too far down for you to even get a hint of friction which makes you let out a loud whine.

“Good girl.” Matty smirks down at you, but before he can look too smug about the way you reacted you grab him with both your hands and pull him down into another heated kiss.

Your skin feels like it’s on fire now, and getting off with him is only making your need for release more urgent. Your brain continues to get more hazy with every single thing he does and the only coherent thought you can make out is the fact that you need him completely.

“Matty please,” If you weren’t so far gone by the lust, you wouldn’t have pleaded but these were desperate times now so you continue and voice your request, “I need more.”

He’s sure there’s not a day he’d choose to hear you not pleading to him like this but he still takes his chance to tease you with his words, “Greedy, greedy baby.”

Kissing his way down your neck, Matty fucking loves the way you react to his hot kisses. It’s like you can’t keep still for him, like your body is begging him to give you every ounce of pleasure.

When he starts kissing down your stomach, you know exactly what’s about to happen and your mind goes into overdrive. You can’t help but watch as the mess of curls gets lower and lower down your body, loving the feel of his lips and tongue teasing your skin as he goes.

Your erratic breathing doesn’t go unnoticed, but it only makes Matty more determined to give you the most intense orgasm of your life. He wants to drive you insane, have you so needy for him that you end up bursting on his tongue.

Matty looks up at you when he kisses the top of your thong, and once again you just nod, not needing him to verbalise the question. Although it's kind, you’re desperate for him, you would agree to anything he would offer you right now if it meant he’d be the one getting you off.

Getting to his knees, Matty pulls your underwear off you and he throws the material to the floor somewhere. As he moves himself further down the bed, he knocks your knees open and moves your legs over his shoulders, he doesn’t let his lust filled stare move from your eyes as his lips start trailing down the inside of your thighs.

If you thought he was a verbal tease, this is somehow even worse. The curly haired brunette takes his sweet time, kissing ever so slowly down your thigh before swapping to the other to repeat his actions, leaving your skin sensitive and more than likely bruised with all the attention he's showing you.

Your impatient whines as he does this have him smirking against your skin, and whilst you are loving it, the other side of you needs an orgasm after being edged earlier. You try and buck your hips up so his mouth gets closer to where you need it, but instead Matty tuts and wraps his arms around your thighs and holds your hips to keep you in place where he wants you.

“Patience is a virtue.” Matty smirks, going back and kissing over your thighs where he already has, and it has you trying and failing to move your hips to get him closer.

Slowly, you’re losing your mind though. The visual of him between your legs, the anticipation of the pleasure you’ll soon be feeling but currently being denied has you getting frantic.

“My virtue died when you fingered and edged me.” You say looking straight into his eyes, your skin still hot and heart still racing. Ardently, you demand, “Get to work.”

Matty just raises his eyebrows at you defiantly, and you know from just that look that you’re not getting anything more off him until you relent. And you’re too desperate to take any power back, so you just beg, “Please.” hoping he’ll show you some mercy.

Thankfully, he does. After kissing his way down, holding your thighs open even wider, Matty licks a bold stripe up from your entrance to your clit which has you releasing a guttural moan out into your room. The sound has Matty smirking as he starts flicking his tongue over your clit, loving the fact it’s him who’s the cause of them.

His tongue has your fingers clawing at your duvet, holding fistfuls of it as you give into how he’s making you feel. Your skin is hot, and with how sensitive everything building up to this has made you, it’s no surprise your breathing is laboured and your back arches in pleasure as he makes you feel everything so intensely.

Matty does this for a little while, teasing you, holding your thighs tighter when he feels the way your body twitches and spasms in response to his tongue. It’s not a hardship for him to learn what you like when you’re being as vocal as you are and he takes great pride in having you like this for him.

He eats you out like he kisses, like it’s all or nothing yet he’s making every effort to ensure you’re enjoying yourself, and with how wet he’s made you and the sounds leaving your pretty mouth, he knows you are. Matty’s entirely ravenous, needing to keep going and giving you all the pleasure he can, like he’s excited to finally be tasting you and he wants to keep tasting you.

Moaning against you as he sucks and plays with your clit has you having to grab onto his curls, pulling him towards you like he could get any closer. His half eyes close at the feeling, and you can’t stop yourself from glancing down at him as pleasured whines leave your mouth.

Somehow the view sets something else inside you alight. The fantasy you’ve had for so many years playing out in front of you, Matty’s head actually between your thighs looking blissed out and completely content as if there’s no place he’d rather be than here tasting you.

Matty can’t help but moan against you as you start moving your hips up and down as he eats you. The noises you’re making along with the way you’re pulling in his hair encouraging him to continue, mixed with the way you taste has Matty’s eyes closing in complete bliss.  

You can feel the way he grinds his hips against your mattress, the man clearly seeking some relief as well. And you would feel bad about it but you don’t have a chance to because the curly haired man dips his head and starts fucking you with his tongue.

Your jaw drops as your thighs tighten around his head, your own falling back against the soft bedding and Matty’s hands tighten around you keeping you exactly where he needs you. His nose bumps against your clit even has you mewling small “ah”s for him.

Matty’s moans cause vibrations to run up through your body, making you pull on his hair even tighter. He goes between fucking you with his tongue and using it to tease your clit, his chin covered in your slick at this point but he’s having far too much fun to care.

Your hand that’s not rooted in Matty’s hair, you use to tease yourself. Grabbing your boob through the bralette and pinching your nipple through the material and you moan at that along with the bliss you’re receiving from Matty’s tongue. But then the curly haired brunette notices what you’re doing and he releases one of your thighs and reaches up your body to do the same to your other boob and the ache in your lower stomach starts feeling almost too intense.

“Matty,” You keep moaning but this time he knows he has you on the verge of cumming. Even though his jaw has started to ache, he doubles his efforts now, knowing he has you exactly where he’s wanted you for days, weeks, and months. And he’s not going to stop until you’re completely fucked out for him.

Your thighs are starting to tremble, and your grip on his hair is so hard he thinks you could pull it out. The stimulation is almost too much for you, it’s making your whole body feel like it’s on fire and you know well enough by now it’s because your body is dying for relief.

“F-fuck, please.” You beg, and Matty hums as he suckles hard on your clit, confirming he’s going to make you finish. And after making your back arch a few more times with his various tricks, you start to tremble and you choke on a loud moan as you come undone.

Matty can help but watch as you fall apart beneath him. He dips his head back so he can lap up your juices and he moans loudly at the taste and sight of you.

He doesn’t relent until you start pushing him off, but even then he licks your swollen clit one more time before he starts kissing his way up your body again. Even then, you're too dazed by that intense orgasm to notice the way he’s appreciating your body.

It feels like ages when you’re coming back down from your high, your chest heaving as you try to get oxygen back into your lungs and your cheeks start burning up when you open your eyes and you find him looking down at you with a satisfied smirk on his face.

Hair dishevelled from you pulling on it so much and the pink on his cheeks makes him look so fucking stunning, you’re dying to show him just how much you like him. Especially after he’s made you see stars.

You’re just dying to return the favour.

Your eyes fall down to see him and when you realise Matty’s basically still dressed, you frown at him. “You’ve got way too many clothes on.”

His shirt is still half tucked into his pants, only the buttons undone which is the one thing you managed to do earlier but even the undone bowtie is still hanging around his neck.

The smirk on his face grows bigger, “Gotta dress properly for a meal, haven’t I?” His sarcasm is heavy to tease you once more and you roll your eyes in fake annoyance.

“You’re such a little shit.” You state as a scolding, your hands going straight for his shirt to take it off him and throw it somewhere on the floor behind him.

The bowtie goes with it and soon, your fingers are working to undo the button of his trousers, tugging them down far easier than yours were. To fully take them off he stands up and you sit yourself up at the edge of the bed, watching him toe of his shoes before getting fully rid of his pants.

A few seconds later Matty is standing in front of you, only in his underwear, his taut muscles on show and his skin littered with the tattoos you’ve grown fond of over the years. You catch a glimpse of the new tattoo he got at one of the last shows of the north american tour, which reads ‘I’m a man’.

The whole view has filthy ideas sparking in your mind and you truly don’t have a filter anymore because once you see him taking the short couple of steps he has to get back to you, you let one of those ideas slip.

“I want you to fuck my mouth.” You say looking up at him with doe eyes, your mouth watering at the thought of him using you to get off.

Matty is sure his soul leaves his body when you say that and his throat dries up at the image you’ve just put in his head.

He has no idea what to say, thoughts fully gone and out of the window until you speak again, repeating what you want him to do.

Your hand comes to hold his left thigh and you teasingly and slowly let it brush upwards and closer to the edge of his underwear, “Baby, please fuck my mouth.”

Letting out a guttural groan, Matty rolls his eyes back in pleasure. You using that nickname for him always does it, he always ends up right in the palm of your hands when you utter the word to refer to him.

His hands come to cup your jaw and slightly tip your head backwards a bit more just so he’s sure he’s looking right in your eyes as he asks for reassurance, “Are you sure?”

“Mhm,” You hum in agreement, and tilt your head to the side to kiss the palm of one of his hands. With that look that you’re giving him, he can’t even think of denying you a thing and it’s like you know exactly how to get him to say yes to anything you want when you use the sweetest voice to add another, “Please?”

He wants to tell you that you don’t even have to say that word ever again but the urge to kiss you hot and hard is stronger. He crashes your lips together with such force you lean back and have to rest on one of your elbows to stay seated.

You kiss feverishly while your hands travel down his chest to his lower stomach and then slowly trail your index finger down to his hard cock.

Just that ghost of a touch has him shakily breathing, breaking the kiss as his face contorts in almost pain with the way he just wants to fully give into the pleasure but if he does then he’d burst right here, right now.

Your lips brush his parted lips as you smirk when your hand comes to squeeze his hard on and you slowly start stroking him up and down over the fabric of his boxers.

Matty lets out the prettiest sounds and you’re fucking obssessed with them so you don’t let up on your actions, only getting more intently with it, that is until he bites on his bottom lip and silences himself.

Only hearing low hums of pleasure then has you frowning because you don’t want to be deprived of the noises he makes so without a second thought you let go of him only to get rid of the last piece of clothing.

From the way he rushes through getting them off, you know he’s eager and you are too so when he’s back in front of you as close as he can get for it to be comfortable, you lick your lips and wrap your right hand around his hard cock.

The tip is already glistening with precum and red which makes you think about just how much he must’ve been throbbing, constricted in his trousers while he paid all of his attention to you.

That notion only makes you even more excited to let him use your mouth to get off and with that set in mind, you give him a few more strokes before sinking your mouth down on him.

You hum around him, your mouth being full of him and tasting him has your eyes rolling back into your head, and the loud moan he lets out only adds to it all. Your thighs clench together as you quickly get worked up by it all.

You only bob your head up and down a few times, trying to go as deep as you can and gagging around him to get you prepared for it. You breathe deeply through your nose and relax your jaw every time you go to fully take him all the way to the back of your throat, your nose almost hitting his pelvis.

Your eyes water as you take him and it’s such a sinful scene just from the sounds of your gagging and his loud moans mixing together.

One of your hands comes up to his hip then, stopping your movements and encouraging him to thrust into your mouth. He gets the instruction right away and he starts mindfully giving into your wishes. You can’t help but become a mess of moans when his hips start moving.

Matty is being gentle though, and even though he keeps grunting and moaning as he fills your mouth and your throat, it isn’t quite like you want it to be. He’s not even hitting as deep as he was when you were doing it at the start so, stopping his movements, you pull back and let go of his cock for a moment.

He’s breathless, panting, all sweaty and flushed. It is certainly a gorgeous sight seeing him all fucked out because of you but you force yourself to not get distracted when you’re meant to call him out on how his holding back.

“Thought I was clear when I said I wanted you to fuck my mouth.” Is what you say, sternly with an eyebrow raised.

He has to take a deep breath at your words but then he comes clean about his worries, “I won’t last if I do that, baby.”

And it’s true, Matty has been trying so hard to be concentrated and not cum the second you’ve touched him, it’s gonna be impossible for him to last any longer if he goes through with what you’re asking.

But you dismiss it, “I don’t care, I want you to do it properly.” And when you finish your demands with a serious, “Fill my throat.” Matty is fully gone.

His eyes darken at your words, looking down at you with pure lust and you look up at him with mischief written all over your face.

Your mouth falls open slowly and before you can pull him closer, he does by hooking his finger on the ribbon choker that’s still tied around your neck. He has his other hand wrapped around his cock which is painfully hard now, stroking himself twice before homing it on your mouth once again, and the warm wetness of it has him stuttering a, “Fuck baby–”

You’re mewling when his hips buck into your face and he hits the back of your throat, your eyes watering again, yet he still is being too careful with it. So with the intent to make him desperate for release, you bring one of your hands down to play with his balls.

That seems to do it because Matty gets louder and his pace gets increasingly faster, you’re fully just mindful now of relaxing your jaw so he can keep milking himself with the tightness of your throat.

Your hand doesn’t stop cupping and teasing his balls and that ends up making him lift his right leg up to prop his foot up right beside your hip and the new angle seems to be his undoing.

It’s pure desperation that has him going faster, tears are running down your face now and your spit is falling down your chin to your neck. You’re throbbing and the clenching of your thighs isn’t even helping anymore, so you start grinding down on your bed and it’s all that which is making you let out noises of unmatchable pleasure.

His hand comes to your head, fingers tangling in your hair so he can keep a bit of consistency in his movements which are growing sloppy when you start to feel him twitch in your mouth. When he looks down at you though, it’s like it all heightens. Seeing himself disappear into your mouth has his mind spinning and it’s a sight that will be forever engraved in his mind.

“Baby-,” He tries to talk but it’s all interrupted by his own gasps and moans, “Gonna cum.”

Your wordless answer to that is helping him achieve his climax so as he thrusts into you, you suck a little harder and tease your tongue underneath the tip of his cock and it is that which tips him over the edge. The visual is better than anything he could’ve imagined nights before when he thought of you as he got himself off or any of the dreams he’d had when you were the one to star in them.

It only takes a few more messy thrusts for him to coat your throat with his cum and you’re sure that you’ll never forget the loud groans he’s letting out.

He continues to ride his orgasm out, his hips faltering and slowing down but you have enjoyed this so much, you’re the one that continues their movements to make his pleasure last longer.

That only lasts a half of a minute though, his senses are fully going into overdrive and he cannot take any more, especially when he feels you suck him again. So with the hand that’s still tangled in your hair, he pulls you carefully off him.

Matty watches you completely dazed as you catch the last of his cum that’s dripped down the corner of your mouth when he pulled out. You make a show of sucking the finger you just caught it with, rolling your eyes at the taste of him, grinding your hips down on your bed again.

His finger comes to hook on your choker again then as he leans down to kiss you but before he locks your lips together, he looks right into your eyes and says, “You’re fucking unreal baby.”

You give him a smirk which is short lived as he attacks your lips quickly after he’s spoken. It’s hot and desperate, growing even harsher when he tastes himself on your tongue.

You’re pushed back on the bed again, and he pulls you further up as he hovers over you. One of his hands travels down to your breasts and he starts playing with them as you both get off.

From what’s just happened, you are already so worked up that you become desperate to have him do something about it. So you break the kiss, gasping for air when he pinches one of your nipples with the perfect amount of strength that has you seeing stars.

“Matty,” You start saying as you’re trying to catch your breath, but you can’t seem to find your words anymore when he kisses down your neck and starts sucking bruises onto it. “Matty-” You try once again but it only encourages him to continue more intently.

He hums as if asking you ‘what?’ but he isn’t really paying attention, he’s too focused on making you feel good after the mindblowing orgasm you’ve just given him.

You’re somehow growing hotter under him, as if you weren’t almost fully naked, and it just becomes even worse when he finishes sucking on a certain spot and he’s met with the ribbon tied around your neck, which he ends up undoing by tugging one of the ends with his teeth.

You feel a little tightness around your neck for a fraction of a second and when you see him pulling the ribbon with his teeth, you give him a pathetically loud moan in response. His hand comes up to get rid of it and throws it behind himself to continue with his attack on the skin of your neck.

You swear you’re going insane with every passing second so you force yourself to make up a proper sentence for your own sanity.

“Matty, I need you to do something.” Your hips buck up in search to grind against his but he’s purposely keeping himself hovered further up than you can reach comfortably. “I’m so fucking wet, please.”

Every one of your begs are being stored in the forefront of Matty’s mind, and it only encourages him to get more of them if he’s being honest. Yet, you’ve been so good to him, he thinks he might as well just give you something that could help you feel less frustrated.

He kisses down your chest, focusing on the top of your breasts, and teasing his tongue over your nipples over the fabric of your bralette. You whine out in frustration and he chuckles at you but his hands come under your body so he can undo the clasp of it and free you from your last item of clothing.

Once the clasp is undone, you carelessly take it off you and throw it to the floor with much more strength than necessary. Once again, your desperation has him laughing but you’re not finding this funny at all so one of your hands comes to root in his hair and tug on it, so he does something.

That has him wrapping his lips around one of your nipples and the gasp you let out is louder than you’d find needed. But you’re just so desperate for anything that his tongue flattening over your nipple, flicking it and sucking it could fully be enough to make you cum again.

And it turns out that you are that desperate because with you begging for more, Matty smirks as he continues teasing you with his mouth but takes pity on you and he drops his hand back down between your legs and he fingers you again. As his fingers carry on fucking you and his lips continue to tease, there’s no way you’re able to hold back the noises you let out as your senses are completely clouded by every bit of pleasure he’s giving you. It seems like in a matter of a few seconds you’re being completely tipped over the edge and you lose all control over your own body.

Matty watches you entirely astounded by your moans and the way you convulse and arch under him. To add to your pleasure Matty drops his hand back to simultaneously use his thumb to tease your clit, prolonging your high.

He does so until you push his hand away, entirely satisfied and a little too overstimulated. Closing your eyes and taking deep breaths as you come back around a little quicker this time and you’re glad you do because the man who’s the cause of all your pleasure decides he’s going to be cute again.

“I think I’m obsessed with you.” Matty admits as he rests himself down, half on top of you, so he can hide himself into the crook of your neck.

“Yeah,” You nod, still catching your breath. You bring your hand up that’s not trapped between Matty and your side up and route your fingers into his curls, “I think I feel the same way about you.”

You can feel Matty’s smile against your neck when you say that, and it makes you smile too as you stare at your ceiling, trying to get your breathing to return back to normal. As you play with his hair, you quickly run back through everything that’s just happened and you can’t help the small, “Holy shit.” that leaves your lips.

If foreplay and oral was that good with him, god only knows how you’re going to survive after he actually fucks you.

Matty brings you out of your thoughts though as you hear and feel him chuckle into your neck. It has you grinning at the low noise and the feeling of his lips against your neck, you can’t help but quietly ask, “What?”

“I can’t believe you were so turned on from giving me head that I just made you finish from playing with your boobs.” Matty hums, not entirely sure that he isn’t dreaming.

Despite that not being the only thing he did, you can’t believe how turned on him doing that made you. You guess it’s true what they say, good sex is psychological. And with the way you feel about Matty, it's no doubt actually having some feelings there for him has made this experience better, and you’re sure he would say the same.

But you don’t want to let him have that, so instead of agreeing, you tell him as you twist your hair around your fingers, “Don’t let it feed your ego.”

Matty hums as if taking your comment into consideration, but he sighs, “Too late.”

You’re more than likely never going to hear the end of this now, even if he’s pushing the borders of the truth. He has all the ammunition to keep you flustered at all times now. But you’ll deal with that another day.

Chuckling a little at his admission of a fueled ego, you shake your head a little as you playfully say, “You're a dickhead.”

Matty props himself up to look down over you then, and you love the way he still look a little fucked out. But clearly the man is now in the mood to tease and you know what’s coming before he even opens his mouth.

He smirks down at you, “A dickhead who just gave you an orgasm by licking y-”

Cutting him off, you lean up and kiss him so you don’t have to hear it. You know he’s joking, but you’ll take any excuse to have his lips on your own.

He kisses you sweetly and you both can’t really help the way you’re smiling into it. Happiness is exuding from the both of you, and neither of you would change a thing about this moment for the world.

Matty is utterly obsessed with you. He can’t get over the way his heart has been racing since the moment his eyes landed on you when you arrived at the restaurant.

He feels so beyond lucky he even got a second date with you, that you even have an interest in getting to know him on a deeper level. The singer does truly love your first date but this one has meant the absolute world to him and for it to finish off like this despite the both of you flirting, he really does feel so lucky.

And you’re so fucking gorgeous. Even before he got your clothes off he knew you were, but the fact he is lucky enough to see you and experience you like you are, he won't ever take it for granted. And he’s kissing you now hoping that the gesture can say all of this for him whilst he slowly gets the courage to say it outloud to you someday.

Your sweet moment together slowly turns heated again as your kisses grow in intensity. It somehow manages to go from soft and playful to you dragging groans and whines out of each other and your grasping at each other's skin. Until it goes further.

It’s still a little surreal getting off with him, making out earnestly drawing moans from him by the way your fingers tug on his hair, the way your lips meet, and the way your bodies so effortlessly turn the other on. Matty makes a show of letting his hands start wondering again, teasing your skin with gentle caresses until he has you gasping for breath again.

He takes his time edging you again, getting you close enough that you almost finish only to leave you unsatisfied and desperate for more. And he’s taking great pride in his work as you can feel his smile against your lips every time he shuts your whining and whimpering up with his kisses.

“Matty, please.” You beg, not being able to wait any longer. You need him.

“What do you want, baby?” Matty asks between kissing you despite knowing you want the exact same as him. He’s hard again now and he’s dying for you at this point, but that doesn’t stop him from demanding, “Tell me what you need.”

“Need you to fuck me.” You whine, pulling on the curls on the back of his head so he looks into your eyes as you plead, “Please.”

Matty nods, wanting nothing more than to be inside you, he asks, “Do you have any condoms?”

Whilst he did bring one just in case, he didn’t really want it to seem presumptuous by going getting his. Thankfully, you nod, and quickly reach over to your bedside drawer and Matty watches as you pluck out a clearly new and unopened box to get one out for him.

Matty doesn’t really know why he likes that you’ve got an unopened box of them. He doesn’t know if it’s because maybe you bought them especially to use with him, hoping that the date would work out well enough that you’d both get to this part of the night.

Or maybe it just makes him feel special because he’s hoping with everything he has that you hadn’t been with anyone recently. That just maybe you had been waiting for him like he had been waiting for his tour to finish so he could go on this date with you.

And it’s that tinge of what he recognises to be jealousy that pokes at his chest that makes him realise the one thing he wants is to have you only to himself. He knows it’s early and completely rushed from him but he can’t deny himself that you’re the one who makes him feel best these days and there’s no moment he doesn’t have you in his mind.

So he’s not surprised when this ghost of possessiveness comes over him when thinking of you this way with anyone else, it’s something he wishes he hadn't even thought of in the first place.

Watching you under him, giving him a small smirk before opening up the box, has him hoping with every bit of his soul that you want him for yourself the same way he just wants you.

You wiggle your eyebrows as you shake the box, the wrappers inside making a little noise when hitting the sides of the cardboard and the sight is enough to earn a chuckle from him.

“You think you’ve got enough?” He teases you, nudging your nose with his and stealing a peck before turning his attention back at your fingers getting one of the square foil packets out of the box.

“If we wanna get through what we’ve both been planning, no, probably not.” You chuckle and Matty can’t help but giggle as he traps you in a kiss after he takes the condom from you.

The box falls on the floor, the rest of the condoms spilling out but there’s no time to focus on the small mess when you’ve got Matty hungrily kissing you and your whole body lighting up once more tonight.

It’s the built up anticipation for what is about to happen that has you both desperate and, due to your previous orgasms, overly sensitive to every touch of your skin.

The way his fingers are clutching the side of your waist with such intent, you pulling him closer to you by your tangled fingers in his curls, your pebbled nipples rubbing against his chest, his knee in between your thighs propping your legs open.

Your senses are going into overdrive, both of you gasping already in the kiss and the heavier your breaths get, the less patience you both have. Leaving a few chaste kisses on your lips, Matty brings the wrapper up to his mouth and rips it open with his teeth.

You fully gasp under him, loud enough for him to hear you over his heartbeat which is ringing in his ears and that only has him needing you more desperately, he wants to draw more of your sweet sounds out of you. After tonight, he’s not really sure there’ll be a time he will have listened to them enough. Impossible.

Watching as he throws the now empty packet and rolls the condom down himself makes you subconsciously drag your fingers down your body until you can touch yourself and, with slow circles on your clit, get yourself some much needed relief.

Your relief is short-lived as your back arching off the bed when you apply a bit more of pressure has him taking your hand off yourself, wrapping his fingers around your wrist to bring your fingers to his mouth and sucks on them.

Seeing his eyes roll back at the taste of you on your fingers has your jaw dropping, and you’re so far gone by the view that you barely register him smirking as he slowly drops your hand to rest on the bed over your head, pinning it there with his left hand and taking his right hand back down around himself.

Matty brings you down to Earth again when he taps on your swollen clit with his cock, so quick they have you gasping as your attention is back on him. He chuckles seeing you fall apart so easily under him but when you glare at him, he presses his lips together so his amusement is less obvious.

“Stop teasing Matty.” Your tone stern and you’re still glaring at him to get a move on but unfortunately that only encourages him to elongate your desperation a bit more. He just likes to hear you begging at this point and pushing your buttons to see how far it takes you to reach that point is certainly something he’s really enjoyed finding out about.

He teases you once more, running the tip of his cock down to your entrance but back up to tease your clit once more which has you bucking your hips up into his. Hearing you mutter a pathetic ‘please’ again has Matty giving in to what you both desperately want.

After lining himself up, he pushes into you slowly, letting you accommodate to him as you both moan into the other's mouth at the overwhelming feeling. The pleasurable stretch of him filling you has you writhing beneath him, your nails scratching down his shoulder blade and your whines filling the room.

When he bottoms out, Matty clenches his jaw to try not to finish there and then. He focuses down on you, your pretty mouth that’s fallen open with everything you’re feeling and your eyes closed in what he hopes is pleasure.

The curly haired brunette lets his nose gently brush back and forth across yours as he quietly says, “Let me know when I can move baby.”

You hum a little to acknowledge him, and after a few seconds you nod before asking, “Please move.” at the same time your hips try to move against his own.

With how much you’ve both been waiting for this very moment, it isn’t hard for you both to set a pace that has your toes curling in pleasure. Your hips moving and meeting in the middle, his pubic bone hitting your clit at just the right intensity, your mouths swallowing each other’s moans.

In an attempt to make both of you more comfortable and change the position a little without switching completely, because you really want to see each other coming undone, he lifts one of his knees further up under yours and therefore takes one of your legs with it.

He leans forward a bit more and the new angle has you throwing your head back in bliss, unable to keep kissing him when a guttural moan comes from deep in your chest. And Matty fucking loves it, he loves feeling how you’ve lost the rhythm your hips were taking, faltering until you stop and it’s him left to keep up the pace which is now the faintest bit slower but harder.

But you’re so overcome with pleasure that you can’t seem to lift your head back up for enough time to see him or even keep your eyes open and look at him like you’d like to. He’s hitting that spot time and time again and he’s so close to you that your eyes keep screwing shut and rolling back.

And you know that looking at you is one thing he wants too because his hand comes up to cup your jaw and between grunts, he says, “Baby, look at me.” You make your best effort to at least keep your half open eyes on his face and it’s certainly hard when he’s making you feel this good but you try your best.

“Eyes on me okay?” Matty asks you again and your answer is a mewled, “Mhm.”

Staring straight into his eyes as he pounds into you makes you feel you’re having an experience out of this world. Seeing his brows furrow over his glistening brown eyes and the moans and gasps that leave his lips and hit your own open mouth, have you clenching around him.

You’re so close now, your proximity and your unwavering gaze on each other have multiplied every single sensation tenfold and you know he notices it too because he’s now the one having trouble keeping his eyes closed and not letting his head hang.

His pace is growing erratic now, trying to reach your orgasms but allowing the buildup to last a bit longer. Yet he doesn’t really know how much longer he can go when your walls are so tight around him, trying to milk him dry.

But you want to see his gorgeous eyes again, so you let your hand cup his cheek and you watch in delight as his eyes find yours again.

He dips his head a little, letting his lips find the top of your wrist so he kisses over your riot tattoo before he starts kissing his way up your palm. Smiling, you let him carry on until you end up resting your thumb over his swollen lips.

Yours are still apart, letting every noise fall from your mouth without hesitation. The way his hips hit your own have him instilling pleasure into you already, but then he goes and adds to it with another visual that is going to be burned into your retinas for the rest of your days.

Matty parts his lips as he thrusts into you, biting down on the tip of your thumb. It somehow excites you that little bit more, but what really gets you is when he dips his head further and he sucks on your thumb.

And because your hips buck up to meet his own the next time he thrusts into you, as you moan beneath him, you feel the vibration of his as your thumb presses down on his tongue.

Watching him through hooded eyes, you see his lips pursing around your finger and still sucking on it and the way he hums around it before letting it go with a pop has your mind spinning.

You can feel yourself pulsing around him now, so close finally getting relief after being denied it for what feels like an age. With your heart hammering in your ears and Matty’s moans gracing them too, it’s not long until he has you on edge.

It only takes a few more thrusts from him to have you finishing for the third time. The sound of your moans get caught in your throat as your fingers curl into Matty’s hair and your nails scratch down his back. Your back arches with the intensity of the orgasm that has you seeing white, it’s almost too much - too good.

Matty’s jaw falls open with a loud groan seeing your come undone and at the feeling of your clenching around him. It’s a miracle he manages to thrust into you a few more times without cumming himself as he wants to help you ride out your high. But the feeling gets the best of him, he finishes a few seconds after you.

He tries to hold himself up best he can, but he wants to be as close to you as possible. Without crushing you, he falls completely against you and he lets his forehead rest against yours as you both feel every ounce of pleasure as he grinds his hips against yours.

Your orgasms linger for a while, both of you sweaty messes tightly wrapped around each other, neither one of you wanting to move. When you open your eyes a little, you can’t help but smile at the closeness, and Matty’s eyes open a little as well and he whispers, “You’re unreal baby.”

Not caring about the fact that he has you chuckling, the curly haired brunette moves his jaw so he can softly kiss you again. You’re positively obsessed with his mouth and the way that even the little kisses you share have your lips tingling and heart racing.

Matty kisses you again as he pulls out of you, almost as an apology of sorts at the small whimper you released. But you don’t mind and graciously accept the kiss before Matty moves himself so he’s lying beside you and he takes the condom off and puts it in the bin.

Both of you are still entirely out of breath, now looking at the ceiling because there's nothing more either of you can do than try to control your heavy breathing. You feel like you’re having an out of body experience. That was too good to be true.

Your whole body still feels like it’s tingling, the excess oxytocin clearly still lingering in your bloodstream really making every little memory of what just happened feel great even thinking about it. Before you can mentally relive it all though, you feel Matty turn his head to look at you.

The curly haired brunette admits, “I really like you.”

His heart is hammering in his chest, from your previous activities, but also because he couldn’t keep that bit of information to himself any longer. He had to tell you, despite him not realising he’s already drunkenly told you once before.

Hearing that has you turning your head to look at him. And just seeing the way he’s staring at you with so many emotions in his eyes that you can’t quite decipher yet has your heart swelling. Because despite not being able to place every single feeling, you can tell he’s being honest and vulnerable.

So you don’t hold back for a second and you let the biggest grin take over your face as you admit, “I really like you too.”

You do see the relief flood his features then though, and you can’t stop yourself from rolling on your side towards him, forcing another sweet kiss upon him.

“I meant it when I said I was obsessed with you, you know?” You tell him, feeling the need to remind him.

“Mhhh,” Matty hums in delight, “If you keep reminding me I won’t let you out of my sight ever again.”

“Obsessed.” You grin, letting it be an accusation and confirmation all in one. You let your noses touch again, giving him an eskimo kiss before you connect your lips with his again to give him a proper one.

Matty lets you briefly escape to use the bathroom, him very much liking the visual of you getting up and bending down to collect his shirt from the floor just to put it on as you walk into the other room. What he doesn’t like is that you’ve buttonned it up a little at the front when you come back out and you’re back to hiding your gorgeous body from him.

As much as he tries to get it off you, when you lie back down beside him, he only manages a few buttons until you distract him again with rogue kisses. And regardless, you still look hot as fuck in just his shirt and he’s not complaining seeing you only in that.

He raises his arm up over your shoulder and rests it over your back, rubbing up and down your waist over the material as he grins, “You look so good in my shirt.”

You smile, not letting his words fluster you this time. Taking the compliment, you ask, “Do I now…?”

“Really fucking good, stunning.” He puckers his lips wanting you to kiss him again and you do so with a smile. He smiles into the kiss too and when he pulls away he lets his eyes run down your body again and says, “Remind me to let you steal all my clothes.”

Tilting your head to the side, you raise your eyebrows and warn him, “Don’t tempt me.”

“You’re more than welcome to, baby.” Matty grins, but then adds a clause, “Only if I can take them off you.”

Grinning, you agree not expecting anything less, “I don’t think there was ever another option.”

“Good.” Matty nods, and with his other hand he cups your cheek and lifts it a little to get a good look at your pretty face. He smiles as you look so good, but he does notice that, “You look tired.”

Chuckling a little, you nod, “Nothing new there.”

“We should nap.” Matty tells you, pulling you by your waist into him a little more, “We should skip the party and cuddle all night.”

“No, we can’t do that.” You shake your head. Although, you are quite tired after your activities and the fact you got such little sleep last night, so you give in to one of his ideas, “We can take a short nap and then we’re going.”

The curly haired brunette pouts, asking, “Why can’t we stay?”

“Because we can’t just not show up to your best mates’ New Years party.” You laugh, pecking his lips again so the pout disappears, and when it does, you add, “Plus Amelia is coming too so I have to be there or else she’ll start chatting shit about me replacing her for you and standing her up.”

Matty snorts a little at that because he playfully accused George of the exact same thing when he started seeing Charli. He loves that your friendships have exactly the same vibe, he knows for a fact that you’d all get on well together.

Despite this though, Matty still powers through, wanting to have you alone and in his arms for as long as possible tonight. “Well, you can give Amelia a lovely visual of what kept you from her and I’m sure she’ll understand.”

Laughing, you shake your head in fake disbelief, “You’re such an idiot.”

“You’re obsessed with me though.” Matty grins, stroking his thumb across the apple of your cheek as he looks into your gorgeous eyes.

“A tiny bit maybe.” You smile, pinching your thumb and index finger together so they almost touch to demonstrate how small your obsession is.

Cocking his head a little, narrowing his eyes he accuses, “Downplaying it a bit there baby.”

“Don’t start now.” You shake your head, knowing he’s trying to get you flustered for him again but you’re not having it right now.

“What?” He tries to play innocent, acting all confused about your accusations.

But you soon cut him off, reminding him, “You’re more obsessed with me so…”

And once again he has you melting into him when he replies, “Damn, you’re right. I am.”

He makes you shriek when he nuzzles his head eagerly in your neck, his nose tickling the crook of your neck and the sensation of his curls on your skin making you giggle. His fingers clutch you tight into him by your waist, his tickling on your neck stops then and it’s replaced by short little kisses being littered on your skin.

You’re grinning like a fool with your eyes almost closed when he lifts his head up to look at you. “Are you keeping them leather pants on for me tonight then?” Matty can’t help but smirk a little.

“No, I reckon they were just for you.” You smile, feeling like you should dress up a little nicer, in something that Matty will like, but that also shows “I’ll change it up.”

Matty hums, certainly interested in anything you wear. You never miss the mark, “Have anything in mind?”

Thinking about it for a moment, you pick something out mentally and nod, “Yes, but it’s a surprise.”

“Awh,” Matty coos, kissing your lips a few times to butter you up so you confess when he asks, “You wanna surprise me?“

“Not you,” You shake your head, and jokingly say, “George.”

Matty playfully frowns at you, but pretending like he isn’t the jealous one, he tries to get you to change your answer by saying, “Charli would love that, sure.”

“I would hope she does.” You nod eagerly, not being able to hide your grin when you jog his memory a little, “Remember, I’d go for both of them.”

“Would you?” The curly haired brunette gives you a look of disbelief, and he looks down and gestures to the both of you as he asks again, “After this?”

“Yes.” You confirm boldly with a proud nod.

Matty scoffs loudly, “Bitch.” before he pushes you off him and he moves so he can be the one to hover just above you for a second.

He has the both of you laughing, and he knows you don’t mean it from the look on your face and your genuine laughter at the conversation. You just love doing whatever you can to wind him up, and you’ve certainly found a way to do it and are running with it.

“Why are you so energetic?” You can’t help but ask, “Aren’t you tired?”

“Am not.” Matty chuckles, but then he cheekily gives you a knowing smile, “You were right saying you were a Grandma.”

But you act just the same and give him his banter right back, “And you really did go through with the meaning of gilf.” and Matty loves the little giggle you let out at that.

“I’m very serious about my goals.” Matty tries to keep his smirk at bay but with your big grin it's a little difficult.

You tut and shake your head dismissively, “You always have an answer for everything, don’t you?”

“You know me.” Matty cackles and you hum in agreement against his lips as he kisses you again.

Afterwards, Matty lies himself back down and pulls you against him, and he urges you to get under the covers and get comfortable which you easily oblige to. The both of you talk for a while longer, your head resting near the top of his shoulder and his arm is around your back and you chat for a while.

With you Matty finds himself never wanting a conversation to end, but he knows you’re slowly falling asleep as your voice quietens down and your responses get a little slower until they are hums filled with gibberish. But the singer doesn’t mind, even he is getting tired now after the unforgettable dessert you’ve just had.  

A quick nap certainly won’t hurt anyone. He never promised George that you both would be at the party for any specific time before midnight, so he lets himself give into the post sex fatigue.

Soaking in the feeling of falling asleep with you in his arms, he feels truly content, and it only gets better when you cuddle yourself into him a little bit more when his hold around your waist tightens.

You let out a hum of bliss right in his ear and the sound is enough for him to know he wants you around for what he hopes is a while if time allows it. God help him, he really really likes you and he hopes with every bit of him that he doesn’t fuck anything up. He wouldn’t forgive himself.

But he doesn’t let himself think of things going wrong, like even the passing thought could jinx it, so he allows himself to enjoy this very moment: you laying in his arms, with your face hidden in his neck, your legs tangled together and your hand over his chest.

At first, he prays you can’t feel his erratic heart beating out of his chest, but on second thought, he actually hopes that in your hazy mind you can take in the palpable proof of the way you make him feel. He’s a complete mess for you, and he’s so eager to see where this can go.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

| Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 |

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: Me and @alovesreading are going to go and repent for our sins now! See you soon for Part 6 x

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[thecapricunt1616]

The Bear & His Honey - Chapter 17

♡ Chapter Inspo: Too Sweet - Hozier ; "You know, you're bright as the morning, as soft as the rain, pretty as a vine, as sweet as a grape."

♡ Summary: Winnie & Carmy attend one of their first full family functions as a couple, & Carm is anxious as shit that Donna will pop up.

♡ W/C: 10,217

♡ Posted Date: 04/16/2024

♡ A/N: WOW It has been a second since TB&HH got some love but we are so back!! I am actually really excited about this chapter! It is very long as you see, and It took a few times of scrapping & rewriting, and then I finally just said fuck it and did what I wanted to do LOL. I have been writing so much SydCarmy i've been achingg for some loveydovey Winnie & Carmy so here I am! As per usual requests are open for SydCarmy, CarmyxReader - anything really!

♡ Warnings for BTC: SmutSmutSmut (breeding kinks mentioned, car sex) - Swearing, Fluffy mush, Smoking cigarettes, talks of alcoholism, drinking

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡

➵ 𝘊𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 / 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘵 ♡

➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐮𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡

𝒲𝒾𝓃𝓃𝒾𝑒𝓈 𝒫.𝒪.𝒱. 🍯

Carmen and I had made it official 3 months ago now, and we were just as happytogether and obsessed with each other as the day we’d met. Today was the day that Natalie’s younger daughter, Briana or Bee as the family lovingly calls her would be getting Christened since she was officially a year old last week. 

When I returned last month from nannying in The Hamptons, Carmen had taken an entire week off permitted by Sydney being back in perfect health - and we fucked and ate and did whatever we wanted for the entire week before I had to get back to work. It was fair to say we had missed each other terribly and he’d told me I ‘wasn’t allowed to abandon him like that ever again’ even if it meant he had to pay all of my bills. 

I huffed frustratedly, my fingers beginning to cramp up from trying so many times to clasp on my simplistic gold St. Christopher medallion with my long french tips that Carmen had been insisting on paying for every 2 weeks.  

“Bear! I need help!” I called out to him where he was in the bathroom ‘borrowing’ my gel to relax his frizzy curls that he had no time to blowdry this morning. 

“what‘sup honey?” He asked as soon as I called, coming out to the bedroom where I was stood in front of my full-length mirror struggling to clasp my jewlery.

This is how he’d been for the past 2 months or so, I call, and he answers nearly faster then I can finish my request.

It didn’t matter what he was doing, not if we were in the kitchen (he did get a bit huffy if it was extra busy, but never mean, never ever mean.) But if we were at home? It was almost scary how fast he came to my call. I had even filmed a TikTok- jokingly saying- 

“My man will blindly do whatever I ask of him- watch- it’s weird as fuck- but it’s super cute. He will literally toss out whatever he’s doing and do what I say. I think he’s over in the living room drawing right now- but watch…he’s gonna shove all his colored pencils n’ shit right in his case and barrel over here like a puppy. Watch this. -”  I stepped into the hallway and flipped the camera “ oh - and he’s gonna say ‘I’m sorry’ cause he wasn’t here the second I asked him.” I whispered before calling- “ LLLLOVER?! What’re y’doin’s? Mon Ours?!” (My Bear?) down the hallway.  ‘Huuuh???’ he called back ‘WHAT’RE Y’DOING LOVE?’ I called louder. I heard wooden pencils tinkling together and muttered curses for a few moments before he appeared at the end of the hall, coming up to me “Wha?” he asked, “M’sorry honey- I couldn’t hear over the TV-“  “What are you doing?” I asked “Uhhh…drawing? Why?” He asked “need something?” “No” I shrugged, leaning against the doorframe. “Can you put it away?” I asked.  “Oh- sure gimme’ sec” he walked off to the living room for a few moments and I flipped the camera back to me,  “See he just does what I ask him to do what is this?! He just listens he’s the best listener-“ I whispered being interrupted by him asking “Hey Honey? D’you mean like away away?” He called  “No just put up. come here” I called and he comes back to me, kissing my head  “Are Y’Hungry? D’ya need y’r water filled? What day is it again? I didn’t forget plans did I?” he checked his phone and I rolled my eyes playfully  “I just wanted kisses” I puckered my lips  He gratefully partook, kissing my lips before pecking all over my face. “Did you get your period and are just needy for love and kisses or Is this a test?” I hit end on the recording, embarrassed by his stupidly good intuition. 

It had gotten nearly 4 million views, and he was baffled as to why - when I explained the likely reason to him, he could barely understand that a lot of boyfriends didn’t give a shit about their girlfriends needs- at least to the level he does, so the way girls were thirsting after him in my comment section was new to him, and slightly overwhelming for me because it had been weeks and likes and comments were still pouring in, and there were lots of people that knew who he was. I had gotten at least 100 comments reading ‘is that like- THE Carmen Berzatto? Just…chilling in your house?!’

It was also kind of annoying because people kept asking to see him now since they either thought he was hot or they wanted him to talk about cooking, but I’d never ask him to. He isn’t my show pony, I know he’s hot and talented and smart and amazing and my absolute everything - and I’d love nothing more than to share all of that with the people who we’re asking, but I knew for a fact he didn’t like being on camera and wouldn’t be comfortable knowing 300 thousand people were gonna be seeing it- and possibly many, many more. 

He thought it was sweet and funny that after when I told him I pranked him or more specifically, giggly telling him ‘you got-got bear, I got you so good’ that me ‘pranking’ him was asking him to put away his colored pencils and kiss me for the sake of it - when in culinary school his ‘friends’ idea of a prank was to dull out all of his knives so he’d have to spend nearly the whole day resharpening them and failing an assignment because of it.  

 “Oh, that? Here honey gimme” he takes the ends of the dainty chain from my fingers, standing behind me and clasping it easily before adjusting the charm gently to the middle before and kissing the top of my head. “Y’nails’re too long f’that Angel” he muttered, looking at the necklace in the mirror and rubbing over my lower stomach lovingly.  

He did that move a lot ever since he started getting more comfortable when we made things official. Especially when he knew I was ovulating during sex. It drove me absolutely insane  - he loved to do it while saying something along the lines of;

 ‘Y’want me t’fuck y’full pretty girl? Yeah? You wanna show everyone y’mine honey? Who you belong to princess? Are y’gonna have my babies? Mmm? Say it— Y’love it when I fuck y’like this, like a fuckin’ cat in heat. Ye’- is that it? Are you a filthy little fuckin animal? My pretty little pet?’

While he fucked me absolutely brainless. Before I went to my nanny gig, one day he peered over my shoulder while I was reading one of my fantasy books and saw the words mating press - he was immediately interested and very shyly asked what it was, before asking me to help show him what he needed to do to help me achieve that very position.

Surprisingly- after I had explained what the position was for in the books- it was the first time he didn’t quite literally leave or get overly anxious about the thought of us having children - even if it was just purely dirty talk. He just once again made sure that I was on birth control, and from there it became one of our very favorite positions. 

I’d never fucked a man before that made me promise to have his babies someday before cumming in me as deep as he could and rubbing over my extremely vacant womb due to being so pussy-drunk. All while whispering how pretty I’d be swollen with his seed- worshiping me like I’d already been carrying the child- muttering about how hot it would be if I were to be all big-bellied carrying his baby. Maybe it was his kink? Surely it was just a kink and it was the moment talking not his actual desires. 

It must be- because he’d been so adamant just a few months ago that he was ‘absolutely sure’ he didn’t want children so badly we nearly got into an argument over it when I asked him to just think about it outside of the realm of me. So he likely was simply turned on by the thought of a ‘nuclear domestic life’ just like any other person is. 

“Thank you, you look so nice, Bear. I can’t wait until it’s over though cause I wanna touch your hair. Can’t though cause it has all the stuff in it” I said, turning around and gently pushing back the stray sticky curl that had fallen out of place and was laying on his forehead adorably. 

“Mm Church isn’t my favorite pastime cause I have to have all the bullshit on. but you look…” he takes me in slowly, his hand sliding down over the curve of my waist. “Fuckin perfect. Can’t believe y’mine baby” he leans in for a kiss “wait- this stuff, can I kiss you?” He alludes to my lipstick which was likely about the same shade of red as my cheeks now due to his compliments. 

“Find out” I said and pulled him by his jacket, kissing him deeply. He hummed, squeezing my bum and pulling my hips into his, squeezing them gently. 

He was always extra careful to ask when I had makeup on and was getting ready to go out, that he could kiss me without messing anything up. He would sit and watch me do my makeup when going out for girls nights, so was very understanding and appreciative of the effort and time that went into it. He would help me pick out eyeshadow colors sometimes, but his favorite part was when I did lipstick. He tells me it ‘changes everything’ which makes me giggle, because that’s exactly what my grandma says. 

I pull away after a few moments, “how’s the makeup?” I tease, checking in the mirror. “Lady Gaga knows what she’s doing babe” I gently dab below my lip with my beauty blender where he had gotten some of my foundation by mistake in the heated lip to lip transaction. 

“The same one that did the poker face song?” He asked and I laugh a bit 

“If that’s all you know her by then we still  have a lot to learn about pop culture. But yes, the Gaga baby” I fixed up my lipliner a bit and he watched me in the mirror as I meticulously did so. 

“Mm I remember that and the weird meat dress. Fuck you look amazing baby here lemme see” he turns me around when I put the pencil down, gently brushing my fringe from my eyes. “You are so beautiful baby, fuckin’ breathtaking” he kissed my forehead gently. 

I smiled, holding his hands in mine and squeezing gently “you look very handsome baby, so handsome” I adjusted his tie and kissed his jaw gently. My alarm went off for 6:45 signaling it was time for us to leave, the sound causing me to jump a bit before I giggle shyly “Sorry. We’d better go” I grabbed my purse, making sure I had everything i’d need for the day. 

“Y’still wanna get coffee honey?” He asked as he put his dress shoes on. 

I nod “yeah- if I can get these stupid shoes on with this dress in time” I sat down on the bed slipping my foot in and trying to buckle the stupid tiny buckle with my nails, they were super pretty and Carm loved the scratches he got with them, but in terms of tiny things I always found myself struggling. 

“Here-“ he knelt in front of me “Hold this Honey” he hands me the hem of my dress and I pulled it up for him. He carefully adjusted the straps so they were straight, before buckling it “that good? Y’want ‘em tighter?” He asks and I shook my head 

“No- no. Thank you it’s perfect baby” I offer my other foot to him and he repeated the process. “You’re the best, Carmy, really. Sorry I keep needing your help when I go out” I said, kissing his cheek gently before he got up. 

“Can’t blame yourself baby those things are… ridiculous. I dunno how they’re comfortable” he outstretched his hand to help me up. 

I took it and kiss his lips lovingly once he pulled me up. “They aren’t. They just look pretty” I grab my purse once more, spraying on my perfume. “Now we’re ready” I said with a smile.

We got to the church with 5 minutes to spare before the service started, so we were able to find the back row where Richie, Eva, some random blonde that I’d assumed must be Eva’s mom, Syd, Fak, Natalie, and Pete, both of them with a kid in their lap were sitting. 

Sugar spotted us first “Oh! Yay! You made it sweetheart how are you? You look so beautiful” she smiled 

“Oh my gosh no way you all look so cute I love her little dress ohhh my gosh Carmy look at her!” I said happily 

“Yeah - Hey, Uh- Moms not-“ Carmy asked her quietly. 

“Bear - “ she almost laughed “She isn’t around until she can prove to me she's sober again” she said before turning to Fak who was sat next to her. “Honey, move down please! Look at all that row sweetheart” she nudged him with her elbow. 

“Hi Winnie the Pooh” Fak said, sliding down enough for Carm and I to squeeze in next to sugar.

“Hey Neil! Hope you’re well it’s nice to see you.” I sit down next to Carmy, crossing my legs.

“So is she your girlfriend yet?” He asked Carmy, nudging his shoulder gently. 

Carmy sighed deeply. “Yes, yes Fak. She’s my girlfriend. And we’re at church buddy. So it’s quiet time yeah?” He asked and I couldn’t help but stifle a giggle how he took after Sugars tone with him. 

“Thanks Winnie nice to see You too- Your dress is pretty” he told me and I smiled 

“Aww! Thanks bestie. Love the suit you look snappy” I said and held Carmys hand, kissing it gently. 

“It’s great t’see you guys!” Syd waves and I lean forward to see her better - But Carmy didn’t even say anything.

I look at him, seeing he was totally not here. “babe” I ask and he breaks his spaced out gaze on the large stained glass window up front and looked at me.  

“Mm?” He looks over at me. I rubbed his hand gently. 

“Everything okay sweets?” I asked softly and he nodded a bit.

“Talk ‘bout it later” he said and squeezed my hand gently. 

“Okay…” I said and hooked our arms together before relacing our fingers. 

I watched as he went back to staring at the same stained glass window, and resumed that way throughout the entire service unless we were participating in something. 

It worried me a bit, it seemed like he was disassociating - as to avoid what I wasn’t sure.

When we got back to the car I crossed my legs, buckling my seatbelt quietly and holding my purse in my lap. “What’s goin on baby?” I asked. 

He shrugged, shaking his head a bit and starting the car. “Nothin.” He said plainly 

“Mmm.” I mutter. “Funny cause you said we’d talk about it later” I said casually, pulling down the visor mirror on my side, reapplying my lipliner. 

“Talkin ‘bout it now. And I said- nothin” he said shortly, starting the van and backing out of the parking spot. 

“Ahhh of course because saying “nothings wrong” would have been too easy so instead- you added 3 extra words to tell me we’d talk about it now?” I pushed, carefully lining below my bottom lip. 

“D’you ever drop anything?” He asked, annoyance lacing his tone. 

“Mmm- no. I don’t..” I grinned teasingly 

“It’s none of y’fuckin concern that’s what it is.” He said, rolling the window down and lighting a cigarette as we pulled up to a stoplight. 

“Ohhh! Meeeeowww!” I teased, fishing my phone out of my purse. “Someone’s in a sour mood.” I tut, “I never got the invite to your pity party- did you forget about me lovey?” I teased. 

He rolled his eyes, gripping the steering wheel with his right hand. “You love pushing my fuckin’ buttons.” He muttered before taking a drag. 

“I loooove it. You know, you’ve yet to rage fuck me yet. Which is surprising- you’re 90% rage, and I’ve only gotten the 10% of soft.” I said, running my hand up his thigh until I got to his bulge, slowly stroking it over in his slacks. 

“You couldn’t fucking handle it.” He said, grabbing my wrist. “Don’t fuckin test me.” He grumbled, flicking my hand into my lap and hitting the gas as the light turned green. 

“Oh- oh- is that a challenge, Bear. You think I can’t take you? That I - can’t take you?” I scoffed, dropping my phone in the cup holder. “I find that a little rude. Where have your manners gone?” I drag my nails over the inside of his thigh, smiling to myself as his breath hitches.  I knew he was stuck in a loop about something negative- and since he didn’t want to talk about it- he likely needed to fuck about it. It was a system we’d created- kind of an unspoken one. But he would ruminate, and brood like a big baby - if I couldn’t coax it out of him with my words, he’d probably been so pent up with nowhere to put it so he needed to release all those hormones before he could get it off his tongue. He always did, after a long day the pillow talk we had would usually be intense feelings of self-doubt and fear of the restaurant failing- even though it was never close to failing. He’s worried about who knows what and needs to escape with something he has that will remain consistent, and something very accessible- and that something usually happens to be me.

“I’m fuckin driving” he said, but his growing arousal beneath my palm begged for me to continue. 

“Mmhmmm? And?” I asked, gripping him firmly at the base of his cock that was prominently showing now. 

“Y’fuckin- Jesus Christ” he hissed, holding the steering wheel with a white knuckle grasp. “Such a little fuckin-“ he gasped lightly as I grip him tighter. 

“What” I goad. “What? Finish the sentence, Carmy.” I tease, running my thumb along the vein I’d already memorized, feeling his member jump in the grip of my hand at the action. 

“Dirty fucking whore.” He hissed, cheeks pink at the admission. 

I giggled. “Awww- it’s nice to finally hear you say it” I teased, dragging the edge of my nail along his rock hard head

“J-Just-” he swallowed thickly, eyes locked on the road, refusing to break to meet my gaze

“Juuuust” I goaded, adding pressure and he whimpered

“Y’re fuckin evil” he said through clenched teeth, swallowing thickly and shaking his head lightly. “I said I’m fuckin driving.” he repeated, hips involuntarily bucking up into my grasp.

“So?” I asked, gently dragging my thumb over his waistband “Did you want me to stop, Bear?” I asked and he inhaled sharply, slightly shaking his head. 

“Ohhhh-oh! So you like when i’m a dirty fucking whore for you?” I questioned, my hand stilling over his goosebump-ridden skin.

“Do what y’gonna fuckin do” he muttered, swallowing thickly. 

“Fine” I said, unbuckling my seatbelt and pulling my skirt up my waist, slipping my panties and nylons down in one go after kicking off my heels into the footwell of the passenger side. 

“What’re you-“ he glanced over at me as I hiked my right leg up on the dashboard after pushing my seat back to lay down. 

“I’m doing what I’m gonna do. You said it yourself Bear - I’m a dirty fucking whore” I responded, angling myself so he could see and spreading myself out for him “so wet for you” I said in a sultry tone, gathering the sticky slick on my middle and forefingers, before bringing it right in front of his lips. 

“Don’t you love how dirty I am?” I teased, rubbing the sticky arousal on his bottom lip

He flicked his cigarette out the window and opened his mouth, taking my digits in and sucking them, humming in satisfaction at the taste “yeah I know you fucking love it. It’s why we’re perfect together you’re just as much a freak as I am” I said, pushing my fingers further and he widened his jaw wantingly. 

I gasped a bit as he bit down on my fingers “Such an animal” I giggle squeezing his cheeks and rubbing my spit slicked fingers down his chin when he released me 

“You really wanna go right now when I’m tellin you I’m not in a good mood?” He asked

“If you’re in the mood- I want you. Otherwise no thanks but I think you’d have said something before now” I pulled my dress out of the way of my core. “You aren’t gonna look? You always tell me how pretty I am baby” I gently spread my folds, rubbing my wet cold middle finger over my clit gently “mmm it’s so much better when you do it Carmy, don’t you wanna touch me?” I begged

He glanced over at me, tugging his lip between his teeth as he fans over my position, eyes trailing down to my pussy.. “You can come up with what we were doin’ since you wanna be so fuckin’ needy and can’t wait a few hours. Little sex demon” he said, slowing down and turning into a post office parking lot that was deserted due to it being a Sunday. 

“I wouldn’t be so needy if you didn’t look so angry and your arms didn’t look so good in that jacket” I said, crawling in the back and sitting on the floor excitedly 

“One second anger scares you the next it turns you on- I can’t fuckin figure you out” he said, shutting the van off and getting out of the drivers side, and quickly opening and shutting the back sliding door when he got in.. 

“Yelling scares me but I think being your little stress toy is sexy cause you appreciate it” I lay back when he took off his jacket, laying it down for me like a pillow.

“Whats the word?” he asked before kissing my neck with nipping, hot, wet kisses.

“First - gentle on the neck and leaving marks baby were gonna be with your family, and second orchid” I assured and he hiked up my skirt.

“Good Girl” he said and spread my legs open, his tattooed hand finding my soaked core immediately and dragging his middle and ring finger up the slick, rubbing over my clit with quick light circles making my toes curl .  

I gasped, already feeling like every nerve in my body was on fire. He had managed in our times together to memorize every single thing that made me creen in pleasure. He wanted me soaked before he’d barely even touched me, because that gave him the satisfaction of having memorized my body and the way it reacts to every little possible stimulation. 

“Your good girl” I breathed, tugging up my skirt higher so he can kiss over my stomach and hips how he usually did, during moments of intimacy he wanted to feel and taste every part of me I would let him - it felt more like worshiping if I was honest with myself, but when I thought about it I would get way too worked up. 

“That’s right princess” he gently nips on my skin. “How could I ever be rough w’you? Mmm? When y’so fuckin sweet? And so fuckin good f’me?” He hums, settling my thighs around his hips. 

I giggled, breaking up the gel in his hair as he kissed over my naval and hips, and gently massaging his scalp. His eyes fluttered shut in bliss, his kisses slowing before resting his forehead on my stomach and letting out a satisfied sigh at the action “Youre gonna have freshly fucked hair” I teased. 

“Don’t care. Mm keep touchin’ me please. Fuck baby-“ he rested his chin on my flesh looking up at me “I missed y’touchin me. So bad. Just touch me however you want” he begged, causing me to smile, a warm loving blush heating my cheeks. 

“You like when I touch you?” I gently caress his cheek and he leaned into it like a man starved. 

“I love it. I need it baby- really. I miss it so bad when y’cant.” He took my hand, kissing my palm. “I need you” he said softly. 

I swallowed hard, trying to relieve the growing lump in my throat and I cupped his cheeks lovingly. “I’m always here” I said softly and pulled him into a sweet messy wanting kiss 

I wrapped my arms around his back, gently playing with the hair at the base of his neck, smiling into his lips when I felt the goosebumps adorning his neck. “The reason we’re back here is cause I need you” I said sultrily in the shell of his ear, kissing his jaw gently. 

“I know ‘m sorry” he unbuttoned his pants and I cup his jaw bringing his attention back to me. 

“That’s not how I meant it bear” I said softly, gently moving his hands out of the way and unzipping them for him. “I love touching you, you know what right?” I asked as I untucked his shirt, gently running my hands up his toned stomach, feeling him lightly shiver beneath me 

“Uh- yeah…yeah- I do- I just sometimes feel like…I dunno. I ask f’r too much” he said quietly 

I rubbed over his abs, gently squeezing his hips and trailing my palms over his ribs beneath the loose fabric. “When do you ever even ask baby? I offer. I know you like it so I do it” I pull him closer, kissing the exposed bit of chest from the top 2 buttons being opened. 

“Is it weird when I do ask?” he questioned softly and I look up at him. 

“No. It’s not, it’s sweet and it’s healthy, Carm. It’s good to be loved” I gently kiss his neck and he guided me to lay, pushing himself free of his boxers and slacks, and lining himself up before gently pushing in. 

I moaned out, locking my legs around his waist and pulling myself closer to nudge him deeper inside, arching my hips and whining as I feel the tip of his cock right over that spongy spot that made me sob and shake with pleasure 

“You are fuckin greedy t’day Jesus Christ” he breathed, holding my hips for me “so fuckin pretty” he said as he pulls out halfway before rutting into that spot and I gasp sharply 

“Fuuuuck oh oh- you’re fucked” I whine to which he chuckled, a satisfied grin on his face. 

“You said you could handle this babe” he reminded, pushing in deeper but slowly as to not hurt me, resting his hand at the base of my stomach. “Fuuuck I love when y’let me have y’like this baby I can get so fuckin’ deep feel this” he said, taking my hand and resting it at the base of my stomach, slowly thrusting in. 

I felt the movement beneath my hand, my jaw slack and the most lewd pornographic noises coming from my chest “s-so- so big” I whined out dropping my head back in bliss and eyes fluttering shut 

“That’s right baby my good fuckin’ girl- my fuckin girl. Y’take me so fuckin well princess like Y’re fuckin made for me ye? Like y’re made t’take my fuckin’ cock? Mm? Made f’me to fill with my cum?” He asked as he started the relentless pace. 

I couldn’t even think - I just nod quickly in response “made f-uckkk yes- yesyesyesyes made for you I’m yours” I slurred, reaching down and rubbing my clit causing me to clench around him tightly 

He grunted, looking down and watching my fingers spreading around his cock as I rubbed myself “yeah? Y’like bein’ mine? Mmm? Y’like that I fuckin own this pussy? So goddamn greedy - needin’ me t’fill you up twice already today and it's not even lunch” He thrusts harder causing my back to arch sharply

Tears were forming in the corners of my eyes now at the waves of pleasure that were so intense the air around us felt like it was crackling with electricity.  I opened my eyes once more to find his gaze locked on my cunt, mesmerized by the thick white strings of arousal sticking to the base of his cock before snapping as he thrusted in and out. 

“Mmm isn’t it so fucking pretty were so pretty together baby” I moved my fingers faster, sitting up on my other elbow and nearly collapsing again at the new pleasure it brought. 

“Woah” he noticed, quickly wrapping an arm around my back and my head drops back to meet his gaze as he stopped thrusting 

“Fuck me oh my god fuck me- I- can you please? My- my knees can’t touch the floor my thighs are too short when I’m up on your lap you’re right i’m so fucking greedy for you I need you please fill me up please claim me”” I said in a needy tone, my breath rapid and uneven. 

“You are going to be the death of me” he groaned, holding the backs of my thighs and sitting me up on his hips with his palms on my ass, before leaning on the back wall of the van and thrusting up into me, hard and fast.

My eyes nearly rolled back before closing, my jaw slack with pleasure. I nodded quickly, tears spilling over my cheeks as he continued. Fireworks and stars float behind my eyes and I clutch the seat next to us with a white knuckle grasp to have some tether to my body. 

“So fuckin pretty” he grunted, fucking up into me harder “y’want me to fill this pretty pussy up? Mmm? Y’want me to fuckin make sure y’drippin the rest of the day? My little whore” he kissed my neck roughly and I couldn’t even warn him before my hips were shaking and my core was squeezing and releasing around him in a way that told him I’d reached my peak. 

My whole body felt waves of heat rushing through, everything felt so good it was starting to feel painful but I couldn’t ask for him to stop- I wouldn’t. I had never felt so good before, physically, mentally, emotionally. I couldn’t stop it even if I tried. The words fell out of me before I’d even registered the thought wasn’t just a thought, and was really coming out of my mouth. 

“I fucking love you” I cried out. 3 months. Three. That was it. That was all I’d had of him, and I’d known I’d loved him for probably 2 of those months. And had bitten my tongue and avoided the issue and successfully evaded his weird roundabout questions that would allude to me being in love with him until now. So if he didn’t feel the same, this was all we had, and all and would ever get. 

“Shit. Say it. Say it again baby been wantin’ it so fuckin’ long now” he rasped. I opened up my eyes, looking up at him to see his gaze was locked on me, like I had hung the sun in the sky just for him. 

“I love you Carmen.” I said honestly and he moaned, resting his forehead on mine, looking into my eyes. I smelt his minty breath mingling with mine, hot as it fanned my lips. 

“Yeah? Say it- fuck- say it one more time angel” he said, hips stuttering and thrusts becoming more sloppy. 

I cupped his cheeks, feeling as if we were the only 2 people left on earth and all we had was time.  “I fucking love you, bear” I said while looking into his eyes and he whined quietly, spilling into me so much that it began leaking out onto his thighs and the curve of my ass before he even pulled out and drawing me into a deep, fervent, wanting kiss, wrapping his strong arms around me and keeping his cock nestled deep inside as we exchanged hot, loving, messy kisses.

“Do you- do you really?” he asked when we pulled away to breathe, both of our chests moving up and down rapidly. 

I nodded, swallowing thickly “It- It slipped out…I didn’t mean to tell you like this - I wasn’t thinking- I know it scares you- I- I wont say it again if it-” he stops me by kissing me again, slipping his tongue over mine and wrapping me in a bear hug, leaning against the door and sucking on my tongue gently.

I hum in satisfaction, closing my eyes and letting him have me. “Say it whenever you want, please” he said softly when he finally pulled away. 

“You- you don’t think you can say it?” I asked, biting the inside of my lip nervously.

I had a feeling he was in love with me, but I’d been here before with someone and the L word scared them off. But the guy has been essentially living with me since we started seeing eachother - what else would that be!?

“No - No…honey thats not- I-I love you - ‘msorry, I thought you could… that you could tell what else should I do?” he asked and I smiled wide.

“Saying it was the only thing you were missing- oh and maybe coming home on time once in a while to show me you actually like being there- but nothing to be sorry for, I see you baby” I assured him, gently kissing his sticky sweaty cheek. 

I felt like I was in the most beautiful dream ever, There was nothing more that I wanted than him, and this.

He buried his face in my neck, sniffling softly and remaining quiet for a few minutes, before saying “We should go home and change, theres definitely cum all over that dress” he joked. His voice sounded slightly horse, and when I sat up to look at him he quickly wiped away a tear staining his cheek.

“I love you, and you don’t have to say it all the time baby - I’ll probably say it a lot more than you cause it’s just how I am, and I know you, and how you are. You show me with your actions how much you love me, and thats what I need. I know baby, I know you love me. I can tell you love me, every day” I wiped the stray tears from his cheeks with the pads of my thumbs, gently cupping his jaw. 

“How could you know if I never said it?” he asked and rested his hands on my lower back.

I took a deep breath, sighing softly as I thought with a small smile on my lips “Lets see… you always make me lunch- and dinner - you always watch shows I wanna watch, you actually listen to me when I talk about them- and notice things, and ask me questions. You always say thank you, even for small silly things like when I rub your hair, or when I make you your coffee. You compliment my crochet and costume making, and ask me about the books I read. You bring Persephone little toys and treats on the weekends when you have to hang out with her while I do inventory with Sadie. You always push yourself for me- even though I never ask you to, like bringing me flowers- or that time you bought my perfume because it was getting low and didn't say anything? You show me, Carmy. Every day, to be loved is to be seen. And you are always showing me that you see things about me that I didn’t notice you could even see because I thought I hid them well enough” I asked and he nodded a bit

“Now that you mention it… I guess I didn’t know what it meant, I knew I felt for you like- differently… then anyone before. But I felt like it would be too fair to call it love” he said and I pout a bit

“What do you mean, fair?” I asked and he rubs up my back gently with flat palms

“Fair to me. I didn’t think that something that felt so good could be love, that it was like- the universe fuckin’ w’me again. And something er someone  would take you away from me as soon as I called it love” he said and I gently kiss his chin, then lips, then the tip of his nose.

“Love can be scary, I keep waiting for me to do something and you just…turn. Like- like a monster or something. But it's not to do with you- because I can’t ever see you doing that, It’s just my past relationships scarred me so deeply that I'm just waiting. Like the day I dropped the cup at the restaurant, I thought you were gonna yell at me for some reason- even though you've never yelled at me. My ex would have yelled at me for hours over that- but you didn’t. You told me it was okay, and you cleaned it up and never rubbed it in my face or anything. That healed something in me, like- i’m not so scared to make a mistake around you anymore, cause it’s happened and you reacted healthily. So every time you think I'm going to leave, and I don't- it's going to heal a small part of a fear like that in you, and make this all alot less scary. At least- that's what my therapist says” I shruged a bit. 

“I’m glad it’s with you. Being in love.” he said softly, eyes fluttering shut as I gently brushed my fingers through his messy hair to look a bit more contained. 

I smiled, kissing his forehead gently “I’m glad too, Bear. I wouldn’t wanna love anyone else”

“Where the fuck have you guys been? Hey sweetheart- did you go back home and change?” Richie asks as we came in the kitchen.

I was baring a bouquet of flowers and Carmy was holding a 2 bottles of wine “sorry! Yeah my heels were bugging me it’s my fault” I said giving him a hug and he kisses my cheek

“You better not be pregnant yet the holidays are the worst time - also Richie will you quiet your loud mouth I just put Bee down” Natalie says as she comes by giving me a kiss on the cheek and ruffling Carm’s hair 

“Wine? Look at you Bear she’s turned you into a real adult- takin’ gifts to parties like a big boy” she teased, taking the bottles and he rolled his eyes 

“She’s not pregnant and you’re not funny” he took my hand, pulling me to him and rubbing my back gently.

That was another thing- the family now saw us as the next couple to get pregnant - even though we’d hardly been together a year - Because ‘they dont want our kids to be the only cousins being left out when the girls are older, I guess maybe I should take it as a good thing and being they’ve accepted me as one of theirs

“Let’s sneak t’the backyard before they can rope me in t’somethin yeah?” He whispered in my ear 

“Okay” I smiled, kissing his cheek gently and lacing our fingers together as he leads us towards the back door

“Hey! Carm I didn’t know you were coming who’s this?” An older man says and I turned around 

“I didn’t know you were comin’ hey Unc- this is my girlfriend, Winnie” he said and I smiled 

“Hi” I wave shyly to the older man. I’d never seen him before, Carmy did mention though he had been paying an Uncle Jimmy back for money Mikey had borrowed for the restaurant but no one else - so this must be him.

“Ahhhh okay, Hello Winnie - what a name. You are just a sweetheart, Is this one treatin’ you good? I can knock some sense into ‘em. You ever need anything you come find Jimmy okay?” he teased and I smiled a bit

“He is nothing short of lovely but I promise I’ll pass word if that ever changes and take you up on the offer” I joked and he smiled 

“She’s gonna fit in just fine here, Carm. Where’d you find this one?” He asked and Carm shrugged a bit. 

“Just. Around. Moms not coming is she?” Carmy asked and I looked up at him

“Who knows kid. She told me she’s off the bottle but- who knows” he said with a shrug and Carm nodded a bit. 

“Don’t tell ‘em where we went, please” he opened the back door, tugging me outside and shutting it behind us. 

“If my mom comes we’re leaving” he said and I crossed my arms. 

“You don’t want me to meet her but you love me?” I asked and he chuckled dryly.

He hadn’t spoken much about her, the most I’d known was that she’s a raging alcoholic- had driven a car through their family home at one point, but when Natalie had her first baby she cleaned up for about 6 months, then fell off again- and has been going months in addiction, then trying to clean up for a birthday or something like this, and the cycle maintains that way. 

He digs his cigarettes out of his jeans, pulling one out. “I don’t want you to meet her because I love you. Don’t pull that. Is that gonna be a fuckin’ card for you now because I was honest?” He stuck it between his lips and lit it.

I felt my stomach twist. He was already starting to fly off the handle and say things he didn’t mean. That little comment would absolutely be a deeper conversation when we did get home - because I didn’t appreciate it in the slightest.

“A card?” I scoff “what do you mean card. This isn’t a game, Carm, this is our lives, There are no cards.” I took a deep breath to try and regulate myself. “You don’t really talk about her. And I don’t want to push you- but what is it is she mean? Is it just that you think she’s gonna hate me?” I questioned and he rubbed over his forehead, exhaling smoke away from us.

“Winnie it’s not even- this isn’t even the fuckin place t’talk about it. No she’s not- she’s not fuckin mean she just has issues okay. And she - she fuckin yells it’s more for your sake, she’s all fuckin loud and I don’t want her freakin you out and - I— I just don’t want her showing up and if she does oh well, we’ll be gone before she knew we were here. I don’t even want her knowing about you. Not right now at least. Whenever we get married or whatever the fuck - sure I’ll tell ‘er, but before then she just has the potential of fucking this up” he said before taking a long drag of his cigarette. 

Of course. This was all leading back to his abandonment issues. Most of the issues in our relationship related back to my anxiety around death, and his anxiety around being left alone because he’s ‘not good enough’ in his mind. We couldn’t keep basing our relationship around fears or we’d never grow- so, I pushed.

“Your mom isn’t gonna scare me away. I don’t care if she is a screamer. My mom was a screamer. Chris didn’t have to deal with it- I did. By myself. So trust that I can handle it. I don’t want you getting comfortable yelling at me because I have to live with you. But I love you, and I love everyone else we’ve met in your family, and so I’m sure I will like her if she shows up.” I said and he shook his head. 

“No. No. I don’t wanna hear what she has T’say babe. Good- thank you- I’m glad - I-I’m happy you aren’t gonna fuckin leave but I don’t want to hear her fuckin mouth, Winnie. Shes gonna have somethin to say about you, about us. And I- I can’t handle it. I care about you too much and I won’t be able to keep my mouth shut and I’m gonna ruin the entire night. If she chooses me the whole night will get ruined because if she chooses me you’ll start and then she of course can’t -“ he shut his eyes, breathing deeply. 

He wasn’t budging about this, or even willing to compromise with me - and his telltale signs of a panic attack started to show, quick breathing, flushed skin, scrunched brows, literally shutting himself off by squeezing his eyes shut.

“Baby” I said softly, stepping forward and wrapping my arms around his middle. “We’ll go. We’ll go.” I assured him, gently running my finger over the bulging vein in his neck with a featherlight touch. “You’re so stressed love, breathe” I rub my palm gently over his racing heart. 

“This is why. I can’t even fuckin think about it Winnie, I can’t” he wrapped his arm around my waist and took another drag of his cigarette. 

I had to break this thought loop he was stuck in right now. I could see the gears turning in his mind, each and every worst-case scenario playing out in great detail like a film reel. It was something that my therapist had taught me during sessions and I had eventually picked up on, and started doing it with Carm. She would ask me a random question about something I love, so Taylor Swift, or Music Festivals, or Cats, and get me really into talking about it - and all the negative thoughts just snap away.

“How many kinds of vinegar are there?” I ask and he raised his eyebrow in confusion. 

“Vinegar?” He asked and I nod. 

“All  kinds. Well- I’ll be fair I guess cooking kinds, are there other kinds?” I gently fixed his chain to face the front. 

“Anything that is a fruit vegetable or a grain can be a vinegar, honey- why are you asking me this?” He questions and I shrug. 

“Because I wanna know. So ew you can make onion vinegar?” I scrunch my nose. 

“Uh-“ he took a drag of his cigarette “yes babe but…who the fuck would want that?” He asked, a small hint of a smile on his lips, my trick working as it usually did.

“What about balsamic vinegar, what is that?” I asked, sticking my hand under his shirt and holding his hip, stroking little lines into his skin with the pad of my thumb. 

“It’s grape juice vinegar instead of wine vinegar to put it simple” he said and I nod 

“You’re smart” I said, gently kissing his jaw “so so smart. It’s sexy” I said and he gently squeezed my bum

“What’s all the interest about vinegar babe you writin’ a book?” He teased and I giggle into his skin

“You’re not stuck in a loop anymore that’s what” I kissed down his neck. “And I was thinking about it in church. I was like what is red wine vinegar. Oh yeah and what is it?” I asked and he chuckled. 

“Mmm so full of questions sweetheart. They take red wine, then they ferment it, and then they add a culture-“ 

“A culture like yogurt?” I asked and he hummed 

“A culture like yogurt, that’s right little Sous someone’s been listening when I go on about work stuff huh?” He said, patting me gently. 

I smiled proudly “I love listening t’you. Okay keep going smarty sorry for interrupting” I said and he threw his cigarette butt down into the ash tray on the rail before wrapping his other arm around me and leaning against the wall. 

“Well not much else princess, they just ferment it and then add the culture then they put it in a barrel to ferment” he explained and the door opened 

“Bear Richie needs your help he’s fucking everything up with the lamb can you please come in?” Natalie asked 

“I literally sent him a text of what to do step by step” he huffs, “You wanna do the lemon zest honey?” He asked me as we went inside 

“Sure, I’ve been told I’m you’re best zester” I teased and he chuckled as he rolled up his sleeves to wash his hands 

“You are my best zester and my best girl.” He kisses my temple when I come next to him at the sink to wash my hands.

𝒞𝒶𝓇𝓂'𝓈 𝒫.𝒪.𝒱.🧸

After I’d dressed the lamb and put it in the oven, I went and sat on the couch with Sadie and Winnie who were deep in conversation about something I couldn’t even pay attention to at the moment. Because Nat had pulled me aside about 25 minutes ago to tell me mom is coming, but only for dessert- and only because she’s ’on the mend again.’ Whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean. 

She’d been ‘on the mend’ and uncountable amount of times since Natalie's kids had been born. Each time was unpredictable to say the least. I had completely given up on her ever becoming fully ‘healthy’ whatever that means, a long time ago. But if she would at the very least be honest and not have to make a huge scene of being removed when she shows up drunk after she swore she would be ‘sober as a nun’ that would be at the very least more respectable. 

Natalie had begged me to stay. Said I was the ‘only one she’d talk to’ which felt like bullshit- because mom and I don’t talk. She talks and I listen - and I told her if she’s drunk we’re leaving. I have a bad feeling Winnie and Mom won’t take kindly to each other especially if moms drunk. Of course that wouldn’t be Winnies fault, but the point still stood strong. Also- Syd is here, and I don’t want Syd dealing with that. So if mom does show up - which I really hoped she wouldn’t and was just trying to give Natalie some false hope she still cared about the family at all since Mike did what he did - I’m taking Winnie and Syd and getting the fuck out of here.. 

I’m pulled out of my thoughts by Winnie laughing loudly “Sadie you are gonna piss him off stop” she rubs my arm 

“I think it’s precious baby don’t listen to them” she said and I look up at Sadie who’s showing Syd a video on her phone and she gasps before slapping her arm and laughing 

“Sadie stop!!” She laughs “A) he doesn’t carry a bag B) he doesn’t have a mustache- but everything else is accurate in that” she took a sip from her wine glass

“What? Are you making fun of me?” I asked and Winnie laughed a bit, a frisky grin on her face

“What!? Never baby it’s just a silly joke how we’re like..a common match I guess. It’s only a joke” she explained and I extended my hand 

“Let me see” I told Sadie and she shook her head

“You weren’t paying attention so no” she teased and I roll my eyes

“Children” but I couldn’t help but smile a bit. That was something I did around Winnie a lot. Richie was right, she is very funny, in strange ways but she is. It’s more of a childlike randomness then anything else but it tends to really draw people in. It drew me in. I still hadn’t had a chance to ruminate over what happened earlier. 

I do love her. I just feel scared that I said it, that now I did there really is another shoe waiting to drop. It almost felt like another secret, because if it’s not i’m gonna be drilled with questions. Questions that I likely don’t have the answer to and won't until I talk it out with my therapist like every other fucking thing in my life. It was starting to revolve around that woman. Or thats what it felt like. I’d been seeing an individual therapist for only 2 months out of the three we’d been dating. I’d started after breaking down in Nat’s car at 3 am that one time. She’d told me she was either dragging me there, or she ‘couldn’t be around me anymore’ because it hurt her too much to see me ‘spiraling out like Michael without the drugs’ .

I’d thought she was being dramatic, sure the only reason I broke down like that was Winnie, and I refused to stop seeing her so that would no longer happen - but I also couldn’t stand not seeing and talking to Nat so often, I forgot how much i’d missed her in New York and her …. nagging. Strangely enough. 

“Bear-” I felt a grab on my shoulder and see Nat standing there “Let’s go outside yeah?” she said and I nodded a bit, looking over at Winnie 

“Be back in a second yeah?” I kiss her head and she nods turning back to Sadie listening to whatever story she was telling her

I shut the door behind us digging a cigarette out and lighting it. “You’re quiet tonight” she leaned against the rail and watched me. 

“A lot going on in case you haven’t realized” I muttered, taking a drag and looking down the street to avert her gaze. I wasn’t gonna go into everything right now, not here - and not when mom is gonna be here who knows when because she’s said that she was coming to dessert before and then came hours before expected because she thought Nat had told her 6 when she’d really told nat 8.

“Is it…Winnie?” she asked, and I suddenly felt annoyed at the thought that anyone could ever think she did something to me to intentionally make me feel this way

“No- no. Why would it be? Its fuckin mom. Winnie was all fuckin excited to come here and be here with all of you- because i’ve told you I don’t want her around mom- so since I was told she 100% was not coming I decided - oh how fuckin nice- she talks about never havin’ a fuckin family to do shit with, and never having been to a fuckin dinner like this- and now day fuckin’ of you drop on me she’d be here. If I’d have known, I’d never have come here. I’d never have told her. Because she loves to be apart and she - she wants me to feel good about shit like this but I can’t when mom’s involved. And now - it’s gonna be a whole fucking thing t’night when we get home. And its not her fault she sees when im upset, and its not her fault she can be normal when talking about shit like this. And its not her fault were all so fucked up. So it's not Winnie- Its us. Its who we are as a fucking family unit. So thats what it is, Nat” I said and finally looked over at her. 

She sighed deeply, nodding a bit. “Shes smart, Bear. And strong as any one of us, i’ve talked to her, you know? More then just once. She’s got a good head on her shoulders, and you’re a good person, Carm. She’s not pestering you, she’s worried about you. But we all know how you love worrying about your own shit so much that you can’t see the people around wanting to help.” she said.

“Thats why I don’t want her around mom. Because I know she wont be able to stand her, Nat. She’s….she doesn’t let peoples shit slide. And I’m worried because I can’t control her- I- I wont. It’s one of her…rules” I sighed a bit.

“She gives you….rules?” she asked.

“Not like that- just like- ‘do this and I’ll leave you without question this is your warning’ and one of ‘em is If I ever seriously try to control how she acts around anyone were done. Which I can understand shes a girl and all that” I stomp out the burning butt under my shoe.

“See- shes smart. And It will be fine as long as Mom comes sober and stays that way. She wont start anything with anyone as long as she is. Can you just please, please do me a favor and try to keep her away from the liquor, Carm? We’re putting it away before she gets here but… She can’t be around the kids if she drinks and Bee’s been fussy and I can't let Charlie see her if she gets drunk without anyone looking. I can’t keep an eye on her, but you can! Please Carm, please” she begged.

“No- No. Fuck no, actually. Fuck that- and fuck this, Natalie. No, I’m not leaving my fucking girlfriend alone tonight, so I can chase mom around the house to make sure that she doesn’t drink. I’ve told you. I don’t want to be a part anymore of her fuckin’ bullshit! What are- are you even getting out of this, Natalie? She’s not a grandmother, she’s an extra child you bring around presenting as a fuckin’ grandmother because you want y’r fuckin’ kids to have what we didn’t even have. Newsflash, Nat- To know how to be a fuckin’ grandmother? You need to have been a mother- something she’s never been good at. I’m glad you took me out here because the last thing I needed was mom showing up - and me being expected to play fuckin’ alcoholic sitter all night. Enjoy your shit show with mom”

 I turned around, opening the front door and having every urge to slam it, but holding back and shutting it calmly. I leaned against it, taking a few deep breaths and rubbing over my face. If I go in theliving room steaming, Winnie’s gonna cause a whole fucking scene trying to calm me down, well- not a scene - but she’d notice how upset I was off the bat, and then i’d make a scene trying to convince her I was fine when that was the furthest from the truth and spiral out of control when she didn’t believe me.

This was not how this night was gonna go. Not if I could do anything to help it. If Winnie wanted to do a big fucking family dinner at Nat’s or Richies, or something. Hell, I’d buy a fucking house and throw a dinner party there with everyone if it meant I kept her from being apart of this god damned dumpster fire of a situation. 

“Honey” I called from the hall, trying to keep my voice even and digging my keys out of my pocket.

“Comin’!” she called from the living room, a few seconds later showing up at the end of the hall and padding over to me with her glass of wine and her regular smiley warm demenor.

“Hey baby” I tried my best to put on a small smile, “Uh- I’m sorry…I’m not feelin’ good my stomach is feelin’ pretty fucked and I have bad heartburn, we’ll come back for the next one, yeah?” I told her, wrapping my hands around her hips and pulling her closer. 

“Oh no! Sweetheart, you have barely eaten today mm? That may be why your tummy is buggin’ you. Lets get you something small before dinner and you can lay down and see if it passes? If not we can go, The lamb you made is smelling so good baby I wanted to try it, I’ve never had that before” She asked sweetly, gently rubbing my chest. 

Damn her always having solutions. 

“No- honey… please- please? I just wanna go home and lay down and watch our shows, I can’t even hold anything down right now- can we?” I asked gently, leaning against the wall. 

Before she could even answer, my entire world spin and flew off of its axis. I wanted the ground to swallow Winnie and I up and send us somewhere that was anywhere but here. The entire house silenced, other then the near bane of my existence but also the unfortunate giver of life I was currently living out.  “No! NO! If my SON doesn’t want to see me, He will TELL ME WHY Natalie! He can EXPLAIN HIMSELF! I am not a child! I can HANDLE MY OWN SON YOU MY FUCKED UP LITTLE WANNABE AS MUCH AS YOU TRY TO REPLACE ME - ARE NOT HIS MOTHER!”

➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡♡♡

[chrisrin]

Do you still do art for the life series/hermitcraft? i am obsessed with your youtube videos for the life series and hermitcraft and noticed you haven’t uploaded in awhile and i was curious lol

i do every now and then! it's mostly just at the whims of whatever my brain decides to latch onto. i've been on kinda an art-hiatus for the past few months and dipping my toes back into it. i'm in the hotguy comic zine, so i'm actually doing a ton of cool concept art and work on that but all of that is under wraps for a bit so i can't show </3 but-- eventually!

my goal is to put out 3 animation projects this year, but they'll all probably be non-hc/life series, one of them is a homestuck animation i've been trying to get done for the past like. year now. just stalling on it a lot now since it's mostly background/comp work i have to do (my least favorite part). youtube's just not been as active cause i've just not really completed much i feel like is worth goin' on there but i am still animating when i have time c:

[a-spes]

hello! i noticed ur taking requests! this is hella detailed so no worries if u dont wanna write! one with female reader x nat (preferably platonic but either works). the averages break up. they are done. Officially. nat and r were friends on the avengers and worked together a lot. when the avengers broke up, everyone tried to move on or settle down. nat doesn't. nat, missing the action, reverts back to her time as a for-hire assassin. With the connections from her time as an assassin pre-SHIELD she builds a name for herself. She becomes the most feared assassin yet again and a ruthless criminal. no one can stop her and she’s very dangerous. Finally, reader, working for the government now, and faces Nat for the first time in years… as enemies with r trying to take Nat down. Nat has the upper hand with her network of spies and criminals. But does Nat really hurt her? She has the ability to with her skill and network of assassins. Does r get what they want and take Nat down? ANYWAYS this is long and kinda specific; but thank you so much! Love all your writing!

S T O L E N F R E E D O M - One shot.

Words count - 5,1k.

Tags & Warnings - villain!Natasha Romanoff x fem!Reader (platonic, enemies), mentions of death/violence/blood, angst.

Moodboard here.

N/A - Hope you'll enjoy it and it's not too far from what you were expecting! It's the first time I am writing for a request and I really enjoyed it, so thanks for dropping it <3

It’s past two in the morning and you are alone in the office. Only the night guards are here but they don't dare to ask you if everything is fine. The past months, they've got used to you staying that late and learned to not ask too many questions. From time to time, you could hear their muffled voices and steps breaking the thick silence. 

But it’s not their presence that is slowly driving you crazy: it is the regular ticking of the wall clock. It seems to be the only thing you can hear, it’s even louder than your thoughts, and being unable to concentrate is only adding to your frustration. You are not far from crying because of how hopeless you are feeling.

If you've got into the habit of spending most of your nights at work, it’s only because of how incompetent you are, unable to complete the task assigned to you. A few months ago, you found a file on your desk and, if at first you thought it would be as easy as the previous ones, you were wrong. You quickly changed your mind when you only saw a long list of deaths but nothing else. For the first time, you've found yourself struggling to complete a mission.

You were looking for a ghost.

The only proof you have of their existence are the crimes they commited, the cold bodies they’re leaving behind them. Even the autopsy didn't give any information about how it happened, it’s almost like the victims just died on their own. This mission makes you regret how cocky you acted in the past. You used to think that you could complete every mission, even the most difficult ones, but eventually realized that it doesn't matter if you are among the most skilled S.H.I.E.L.D agents because there is always someone better than you are. 

This time, you were as lost as your colleagues, understanding what they're usually going through. Slowly, you've become so obsessed with this mission that you couldn't think about anything else. You are trapped in a toxic loop with your work and, if you thought the time you would act like that was long gone, you were wrong: this mission is taking you back to your worst era again.

In the morning, you are the first one to be here, but you are also the last one to leave the place - when you do, sometimes spending the whole night here just so you don’t lose time going home and coming back. It is rare that you think about eating, your mind being completely absorbed by the task. Again, you were that young adult that wanted to prove their worth to everyone, seeking validation.

Despite everything, you keep telling Fury that everything is fine. You know that he doesn't believe you, but he knows better than pushing, trusting his agent to ask for help when it's needed, but he forgot how stubborn you can be. He is divided between worries to see you so exhausted and the urge for the mission to be completed as quickly as possible.

Even if he is trying to keep those deaths a secret for as long as possible, pretending on the news that they aren't related, just misfortune, he knows he won't be able to lie indefinitely. People are going to question what's happening and it's obvious that he can’t admit that there is a crazy assassin roaming freely around the country. 

For the moment, only a few agents are aware about the file, only the best ones. If anyone can do it, it's you, that's what he keeps telling himself to ease the guilt he is feeling whenever he sees you so exhausted. 

And, even if he is not saying anything, telling you to take your time, you can read in his eyes the fears and worries, you can feel the pressure and the lack of time: this mission had to be a priority. It comes before your basic needs, eating and sleeping becoming optional. You hadn't seen anyone else other than the pictures of the victims' bodies for the last weeks, talked so little that you are almost sure you lost your voice.

You were in distress and it's obvious that your state of mind has led to mistakes you could've easily avoided, even a rookie wouldn't have made them. 

Before you could realize, it was the morning, and the sun didn't come alone: it left a surprise on your desk, an umpteenth death. You didn't wait long, immediately going to the place where it happened, in hope you would find something if you are the first one here. But, as always, everything is clean, the appartment being perfectly tidy, except for the cold body in the middle of the living-room.

They are playing with your mind, probably amused to see you trying to stop them, knowing that you can't because it's impossible to catch a shadow. People are dying and there is nothing you can do about it.

Those thoughts are unbearable, and you are fighting the urge to break an object when you notice something. It is almost invisible, so small that you almost missed it. It is just a piece of paper, stucked between two tiles on the balcony. 

Here it is, your hint, the first one since you started. If you are exhausted, it seems that the person you are chasing starts to feel confident enough to let their guard down and make mistakes. There is not much in the paper, just bits of words but it is enough for you to guess everything you need: their next victim.

You know that there is only a small chance that you could actually stop them tonight, but you can't help the feeling of hope that is growing inside of you because, for the first time, you've the feeling that you are getting somewhere.

You should've told Fury. You should've let him know what you found, your leads, where you are going tonight, but you didn't. Even if you know how dangerous going in there alone and unprepared, you did it, the feeling of hope giving you the impression that nothing could go wrong - you would deal later with Fury's anger. 

If you get out of here alive. 

But it may be your only chance to get them, because who knows when they're gonna make another mistake? It could be weeks or months, maybe never, and you don't have the strenght to wait for so long. You don't even really care about the target, he is just some rich man who embodies everything you hate, it's just that this mission is now personnal: you're done playing their game and want to let them know.

You are driving fast, not caring about the speed limits. Gladly, it is late and the hotel is on the edge of the city, isolated to provide traquility to the people that decide to stay here - all rich and influential. You weren't surprised when you discovered that the next victim was staying here for a few days. 

But, if the road is empty, your mind isn't. Your heart is racing, trying to get out of your chest. In months of research, you've never been so close to success, it has something exciting. However, hope doesn't come alone. This feeling is accompanied by nervousness and nausea as you can't help but think of all the ways this could go wrong, the so-good idea is just sounding like a really bad mistake now.

You're on your own, no one knows you are here tonight.

Your fingers are tapping against the steering wheel in an attempt to shut out these thoughts, but it doesn't change anything. You know that, if you want everything to go fine, you need to keep your mind clear - no one ever successed a mission while being distracted, it would only get you killed. However, it is easier to say than to do.

You found yourself waiting at the front of the hotel, trying to hide how shaky your hands were. Even if you are wearing the most expensive dress of your dressing, you are still feeling out of place, everything here being just ... too much, honestly.

One glance at the entrance confirmed what you thought: going in won't be easy. It's obvious that you can't walk in here, pretending to be some guest, without being suspicious. In this kind of mission, discretion is the key and you need to become a part of the landscape.

"Can I steal a bit of your time?" a man asked after you waited for a few minutes. 

A pretty woman doesn't go unotice in that kind of space, especially if she looks a bit lost. This man, however, has nothing pretty, he is probably older than your parents. You are not dumb, knowing that there is nothing innocent behind his request, and this simple thought is enough to digust you. Yet, you don’t say anything. You are just hiding your feelings behind a smile, nodding slowly to him.

He is your way inside.

Once you are inside, you don't wait for one more minute before excusing yourself, pretending you have to go to the bathroom. He made some jokes about women that you don't bother to listen to, already far away, knowing that you won't keep your promise to come back as quickly as possible.

The feeling his hand left on your waist makes you shiver, but you don't have much time to think about it, trying to discretly shaking it off as you are heading to the stairs. At least, the first part of your plan - which wasn't really one - was done: you are inside of the building.

From the hotel's roof, you have a perfect look at the city. Sadly, you don't have much time to enjoy the view of the city lights or to observe the movements of the citizens, unawere of what's happening so close to them. The cold wind of autumn is brushing your face, a few of your hair strubbornly getting out of your braids to get in your eyes, and the fresh air is easing your nervousness a bit. 

But it all came back in a second, all it took was a glance at your watch: almost ten pm, you only have a few minutes to decide what to do. 

Before going down, you made sure that the living-room was empty, using a small drone. You scoffed when you saw the suit he reserved, it was bigger than your appartment and every object there seems to be outrageously expensive. However, even if you can't see anyone, you are not letting your guard down. The lights are on, which means he is somewhere in the appartment and it doesn't let you a lot of time to sneak in if you don't want to be seen.

You went in by the window. Your hands were shaking as you tried to open it, and you couldn't help but glance inside from time to time, fearing the assassin would show. The stress you were feeling made you less efficient and you had to try three times before you eventually hear the relieving sound of the window unlocking - usually, you wouldn't need more than one attempt to get there.

You were trying to make as little noise as possible while closing the window behind you, to make it seem like you've never been here, when you are surprised by a presence on your back. You barely dodged the lamp he threw at you, the object hitting the floor, breaking in a loud noise - for the discretion, you may want to try harder next time. 

As his scream is piercing throught your ears, you jump at him, one of your hands keeping his mouth shut while you are holding him against the wall, hoping no one hears him - because, if it's the case, the assassin won't be your only problem. This was your second mistake, one you could've easily avoided if you came with a better plan than "going in and taking the target down". Even if you are here to save him, the fact that he knows may jeopardize the whole mission, the assassin will probably notice that something isn't right. 

"No, no, no! Don't yell," you hushed him, "I am here to save you, the assassin is coming for you, tonight," you told him in an attempt to ease his panic; but how could you sucess to calm him down when you are even more stressed than he is? His panic is slowly becoming yours as you realise how badly you’ve screwed up.

"To.. save me?" he asked and, at the way he told those words, you can tell that he is schocked by the news. 

"Yes, they-," you started to reply, sliping your hand in your pocket to get out your badge. It seems to calm him down and you can eventually take a few steps back, releasing the man, but your movements are slow, ready to throw yourself at him again if he decides to scream. 

You were already looking around, in search of any hint the assassiin would already be here when you heard a cold chuckle that made you shiver. You immediately turn to the man, only to notice that he is the one laughing. 

"Oh, but I am not the one that needs to be saved," he said, smiling, and you immediately froze, unable to move an inch as your mind is trying to process what he just said. 

"What?" you replied, but deep down you already knew what was happening, the feeling that something isn't right only growing stronger.

"Oh, sorry...", another voice said on your back. Its tone is false pity, its chuckle was full of arrogance, "have I ruined your little moment of heroism?" she asked, and you don't need to hear more than those few sentences to recognize the person to whom that voice belongs. 

Slowly, as if you are scared that moving too fast could make her disappear, you turn around to give a look at the woman. Her face is hidden behind a black mask, but you would recognize those eyes everywhere, even if they are now tinged with a darkness you've never seen in her before. Her green eyes no longer had the soft look you were used to. 

"'Tasha? Is that.. you?" you whispered, but you already knew the answer - a few strands of red hair slipping out of her mask, an another hint of her identity. 

This encouter is leaving a weird feeling, twisting your stomach with fear while confusion coulds your throughts; nothing that is happening now makes sense. Why is she here? What does she mean by that? Why is she so different from the person you know? You are feeling like you are facing a ghost, how weird it's stand in front of a person that looks and sounds like your old friend but that is nothing like them at the same time.

"I thought I taught you better than that..," she added, but her tone is bothering you: it's harsh, cold, she has never talked to you that way in the past. 

It's when she eventually takes her mask off that you can see that she has been smirking the whole time, enjoying the situation you are in. However, you are not smiling at all, because you slowly realise that is was just a trap, *and you fell right into it, giving yourself to the person you've chased for months.*

“Look at you,” she spat out, “so .. naive, and stupid, you didn’t change, uh? You didn’t learn your lesson?” she asked, and you couldn't find the words to reply, the shock had stolen your voice, you didn’t even notice that the man left the room, leaving only the two of you and a thick ambience.

You’ve known the woman for many years. When you joined the Avengers, the two of you quickly became close as being the only two women in a team of cocky men. Sure, it wasn’t always easy because of how different you are, but you learned a lot by her side and you appreciated her a lot, always seeking the company of the spy.

A few years ago, when everyone decided it was time to split up, you didn’t stay in touch with any of them. You were never a family, despite what they would tell you, just colleagues and, if it was hard to admit at first, you eventually got used to this idea. However, you can’t help but think about the redhead from time to time, regretting not having a way to contact her, wishing you would've at least stayed close with her among all your former teammates. 

You thought it was mutual, but you are not sure anymore. 

No matter how hard she tried to be nice to you, a part of her always hated the person you were. She hated your smile and how pure it was, she hated how childish you could be, always excited over the smallest things. You were a constant reminder of what her life could've been if she had a normal childhood. She was jealous. It felt unfair to see that life gave you everything she always dreamed of. 

But the spy never talked about it. She listened closely everytime you would talk about your childhood, helping you to organize surprises for your family, not mentionning the way her stomach would twist and her heart hurt in those moments. She got used to the feeling of her nails digging into her skin whenever she was having a conversation with you - because you would most likely be talking about your memories at some point. 

She even used to avoid your room, not wanting to see the pictures and childhood memories displayed everywhere. Those objects were a reminder that your family is real when hers was nothing more than a pretending, a mission. While she was trying to survive, you never got to worry about anything else than what was your favourite colour. 

And, even if she knows you had your own struggles, she couldn’t help but have the toxic urge to compare both of your lives and what you have been through.

You got the life she was dreaming of with the other girls, but you didn't even seem to realise it.

If she was able to keep up the act, it was only because it was easy to go on missions by your side. You were skilled but, most importantly, great at following orders: you would always do everything she asked you to. You were eager to please the woman. So she talked to you, smiled, acted nice, pretended it was nothing when you would apologize for ranting about your life, knowing that, one day, she would find a way to get her revenge.

Suddenly, you are the one being pinned against the wall and she leaves you no chance to escape. You barely noticed her moving, barely had time to think about dodging her attack that you were already in her hands.  

She appears to be even better than when you were working together, and you suspect that it's not because she trained since, but surely because she never used her whole skills in a fight against you - she knew she didn't need that to win. Your hopes of beating the redhead vanish immediately, you only ever won because she let you to.

How could you?

She was raised to kill, when you would just achieve a childhood dream.

Oh, you are good at it, just not good enough. You realize your mistake when, for the first time since you met the spy, you feel her fist landing on your face with its whole strenght, not once, but an endless amont of time. There is blood, yours, running down your nose and mouth, and it comes with a sharp pain as her last hit sends you to the ground. 

“You’ve no idea for how long I’ve waited for that moment..," she told you while coming closer. She is observing your miserable form with a satisfied smile on her face. 

“Tasha’, I understand that-,” you tried to say, but you were stopped by another kick on your face that took your breath away. She doesn't even let you the possibility to say a few words, the sound of your voice being enough to drive her crazy. 

The pity in it is making her sick.

“You can understand?” she scoffed in disbelief. She can't believe that you've the audacity to say something like that. “No. You think you can understand what I am going through, but you can’t, and you want to know why?" she asked, pausing before giving you the answer herself, "because you are the golden child that has everything in the palm of her hand," she said those words in a voice full of hate. 

“What happened..?" you whispered, "that- that’s not.. you... not the Natasha I know," you said, trying to make sense of the situation, but you can't, you want to believe that it is just a terrible mistake, that she is still here, somewhere, that she just got lost - but it could've happened to any of you, right?

“Oh, but you never knew me, love," she replied, coldly laughing at you, "This is me. This is the person I was born to be. For years, I tried to run away, but we can’t escape our destiny," she continued. She takes a few more steps toward you, kneeling at your side, her hand caressing your cheek, "and honestly, I've never felt so good, so free."

“If it’s him again, I- I can help you, we can find a-," you said, refusing to think about the fact that, maybe, she is right, that everything is just her choice, because it would make you the enemy of a person that used to be your friend and teammate. 

Again, you are stopped by a kick on your chest while she is smiling, as if you just said the stupidest thing she's ever heard of her life.

“Him?” she chuckled, “Oh, honey, no.. he is long gone. It is just me now. I eventually got to be who I really am without anyone to prevent me from doing so, isn’t it .. thrilling?” she asked, but you are not sharing her excitement, you are just frightened and she can tell it by the way you are looking at her, your eyes being wide open. 

She was born for that life, she was raised with the only purpose to kill, to spy, but since the Avengers no longer exist, what was she? Her skills were no longer useful. At first, she tried to get a normal job, but it didn't end very well, she just couldn't fit in. She hated the feeling of having everything to learn again.

And it was all your fault.

You were the voice in her head that made her believe it was possible, that she could, one day, have a normal life, without blood and fights. You are the one that gave her hope. When she was at your side, she always felt like you were right, but reality was quick to kick in and, whenever the two of you were talking, there was always a small detail that would remind her that you are living in two opposite worlds. The demons that haunted her spared you and she will never be able to make it up for the blood on her hands.

But then you abandoned her, like the others, and she realized she couldn't do it without you to show her the beauty of the world. It just seems impossible, she was too brutal for the earth. 

And she started hating you for your lies. 

You never knew, but she was watching you the whole time. She knows every detail of your life, how you succeeded to rebuild it after the Avengers when she failed. It seems so simple, so why couldn't she do the same? You seem to have forgotten your former colleagues so easily, you got a new job and friends, a complete new life in only a few months, as if she never existed. Meanwhile, the memories of her time with the Avengers were stuck in her head. 

She felt like she lost her only chance to have a normal life. 

It's not surprising, then, that she fell again in that loop of blood and death. It was familiar, almost comforting, something she is good at. Whenever she completes a mission, it reminds her that she has a place in that world, even if it's not the one she has dreamed of.

She loved to see you struggling. She enjoyed watching you those past months, she wanted to see how desesperate you could get before breaking down. She knew it wasn't healthy, but she couldn't help but love the feeling of power, and it is even more true right now, as she has you pinned against the wall, one of her hands pressed against your throat.

“I know that you think you’re better than me, but we are the same, we are both killers," she said, her face being so close to yours that you could feel her breath. "The difference is that you are controlled by your superiors. They wouldn’t care if I was doing the same, they don’t care about those deaths, they are just afraid they can't control me. And you know what?" she asked with a frightening expression, "they're right to feel that way. Now that I am free, no one will ever tell me what to do, not even you,” she whisepered those last words in your ears, it sounded like a warning. 

In reality, she is only almost free, because she has one last thing to do for it to be true. Even if she is now at the head of her own organization, no longer taking orders from anyone else, she doesn't feel completely free yet. This time, it is not because of Dreykov, Fury or Tony, but you. 

The redhead firmly believes that, if she manages to control you, she will be able to get the freedom she always wanted. 

Slowly, her gentle touch becomes agressive, her fingers are no longer caressing your cheek, they are wrapped around your throat, the pressure slowly increasing until you are struggling to breath. You can read everything she never told you in her eyes: suffering and despair, hatred and anger. 

You are the last thing with power over her. She can't get you out of her mind, being obsessed with you in a way that isn't healthy. She can't stop thinking about the sweet words you used to whisper to her when she was at her lowest, the ones that gave her a glimpse of who she could've been, but also the ones that prevent her from embracing who she really is.

If she wants to be free, she needs to grief the person she would've been if her childhood would've been like yours, and it won't be possible as long as you're here. Your words were the cause of the guilt that was building in her sometimes, when it was late, they were keeping her from sleeping, they are the reason for all her weaknesses.

"P- please," you whispered, managing to say a few words, begging for your life as she coldly held her knife above your head - you don't doubt one second she would kill you without any hesitation.

But the hit never came.

She just stayed like that for what felt like hours, tilting her head while a smile spread on her face, almost mocking. The smile has nothing in common with what you're used to, this one sends shivers through your body.

"Hm, you're right," she eventually said, as if you said something that would've been enough for her to change her mind when you didn't - she seems to be talking to herself. "Where would be the fun if I kill you know? It was just starting to get interesting, don't you think?" she added and your relief is short, there is something mischevious on her tone and attitude that makes you wish she just've killed you instead. 

Those past months made her realize that she doesn't need to kill you, she doesn't even really want to. No, what she really enjoyed was more the idea of having control over your life, to know that you were so desesperate that she was the only thing in her mind - and you didn't even know yet it was her behind that. 

Now that you know, it'll only make it worse.

If she wouldn't hesitate to stab you, she knows that you would. After so many years of working with you, she had time to get to know you, and she was right thinking you didn't change, still being so predictable. She barely had to do anything to have you between her hands, you fell almost on her trap so easily that it was almost disappointing.

You are doing everything she guesses you will.

And she knows you won't kill her, *how could you?* You strongly believe in redemption and that, even if Natasha got lost, you can take her back, no matter how long it'll take. Everyone deserves a second chance. 

The redhead thought it would be entertaining to see you try to "save her" and miserably fail before she ends your life. This is the revenge she was looking for. 

"I'll leave you a little something to remember who you are dealing with," she murmurs as she lowers the knife, directing it toward your hips where she stabs you. She knows exactly what she is doing, to within a few millimeters, she would've killed you but she didn't. "See you soon," she added, and they're the last words she pronounces as she leaves the room. 

It is a reminder of the power she has. She leaves you on the ground, alone and bleeding like an animal while she has no injuries. And, if this encounter ended up that way, it is only because she decided to, not because she had pity, nor because you decided to. She could've killed you in a second if she wanted to, and god, she loves that feeling.

Tags - @imnotslouching

Masterlist here.

[wildsupernova]

and you loved me still.

summary: the memories of their summers together would haunt her for the rest of her life, always leaving her to wonder what could have been. steve never realized how important those memories were to him until he couldn’t forget it.

pairing: steve harrington x fem!reader (no use of y/n)

word count: 1.7k

warnings: no warnings for this one, although i guess there’s mild angst

a/n: hey guys! yet another short song based fic after a way too long break lol. i just finished up my second year of college so everything’s kind of hectic right now, but i’m gonna try to get out some longer, non-song based fics here soon i promise. hope you guys enjoy this because i’ve been OBSESSED with this song for the past month, and if you do, feel free to comment, repost, like, whatever! any interaction helps :)

if you want to make a request for a fic, my requests are open, and i also have a prompts list linked below to make requests from as well. i’ve been talking too long, so thank you guys for reading and i hope you enjoy!

masterlist | prompts list

The aftermath of it all left her numb, even after summer was over. She wished she could get over it the same amount that she wished it would sting more, because feeling anything at all would be better than being stuck in this limbo she’d been suspended in since August ended. She couldn’t bring herself to smile, but she also couldn’t bring herself to cry, doing nothing but sitting and reminiscing about the past 3 summers they’d spent together. Every time she looked at him, every memory would replay in her mind, and then his eyelashes would blink it all away. 

They were memories she didn’t really want to forget, something that reminded her of the few times that she was really, truly happy about being stuck in Hawkins. They were the only thing pushing her through the monotony that was the first half of the semester, and the only thing that kept her sane while she was surrounded by the plain white walls of her small dorm room. 

The warm Indiana wind flowed through the spaces between her fingers, her hand tapping along to the music that played through the radio. He turned the volume dial until the sounds of guitar and drums drowned out the purr of the engine as they drove, and she mouthed along to the words almost absentmindedly. 

He was wearing his brand new Nike sneakers, still pristine white and shiny as if they’d just come out of the box. He blamed it on where they were going, told her that he could only wear his “best shoes” to go hiking in the woods on the outskirts of Hawkins, but she wasn’t stupid. He was doing it all just to show off for her, and she was eating up every last bit of it. 

He made some joke to her that she couldn’t hear very well over the radio, but she laughed anyway. He told her that he loved the way she sounded when she laughed, and she’d never forget the way he leaned over the center console and kissed her long and slow, car dipping lightly into the ditch as he did. 

Steve Harrington was absolutely untouchable in those high school years. Stubborn, arrogant, one of the most difficult people she had ever met in her life. But none of it mattered because he was King Steve, the invincible monarch that ruled over all of Hawkins high. No one dared tell him how much of an asshole he was, or how much they hated him, because one wrong move and he’d make you the laughing stock of the school until graduation. Girls fell at his feet and followed him wherever he walked, and he had picked her. 

Just for the summer, that's what they had agreed. Just one summer, that turned into two and then three. He kept every secret she had ever told him held close to his chest, never letting a single one slip out of the confines of his bedroom. He took every weakness she ever had and became it, from his stupid, perfectly styled brown hair to his honey colored eyes. He took every insecurity and flipped it on its head, always turning self deprecating jokes she made into compliments. But in the end, she just couldn’t fill the shoes he wanted her to. 

She told him she wasn’t all in, but she was. By the end of that first summer, she’d fallen so deeply in love with him that she couldn’t go one day without thinking about him, unable to look at any other guy the way she looked at him. She couldn’t be like all of the other girls before, the ones content with summer time flings and one night stands. She wanted it all, and he wanted something fun. He was the king of the jungle and she’d fallen right into her role as his prey, and the second she let her guard down, he went in for the kill.

Steve wanted to forget the past, but nothing he could do would ever make it disappear from his memory. He thought that, maybe, if he could just fall into the monotony of his job at Family Video, he’d eventually be able to forget about her, but it seemed like the more he tried to forget, the more he remembered. Trying to push the past away only made him yearn for a future where he had her again, somewhere away from all of this, her body curled up against his own while they watched all those cheesy vintage movies she loved so much. 

The thing that hurt the most was remembering their conversation of how they imagined their life would be after high school, so far removed from what their lives were like now. 

“What do you think you’re gonna do after high school?” She blinked as she looked up at him, her eyelashes tickling his jaw. “You know, when all of this bullshit is over?”

He blew out a breath through his nose.”I don’t know, never really thought about it.”

“Really? Never once thought about what you want to do with your life when you graduate?”

“I always just kind of assumed I’d work for my dad after high school, I guess.” She moved out from under his arm and rolled over onto her stomach, bare chest pressed against the mattress. 

“Okay, then if you could do anything for the rest of your life, what would it be?”

“I don’t know!” She let out a small laugh, slapping him lightly on the shoulder. 

“Come on, think! There’s gotta be something you’ve always wanted to do.”

“I guess if I had to pick anything, I’d be a teacher.”

Her eyebrows knit together. 

“Hmm.”

“See, it’s stupid-”

“No, it's not stupid! Just not what I expected you to say.” She flipped over to lay on her side, propping her head up with her hand. The blanket fell down and off her chest, and Steve had to stop himself from looking down. “What would you teach?”

“I don’t know, elementary school maybe? I like kids, so why not?”

“You want a big family, I take it?” He rolled over onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. Almost instinctively, she laid her head down on his chest, hand drawing circles along his skin while he talked. 

“I guess. House in the suburbs, picket fence, 4, maybe 5, kids.” She let out a loud laugh at that. 

“5? Seriously? You better hope whoever you marry is crazy because any sane woman would stop after 2.” He smiled at that. 

“It's a negotiable number.”

He was so difficult back then, so hard to love, but she did it anyway. He did everything he could to keep up appearances, to keep every girl he knew at arms length and never let them find a way into his heart, but somehow she made it in. She wanted him even when he was that arrogant asshole who wouldn’t even throw her a glance in the hallways, who wanted to keep their summer rendezvous a secret to save his own reputation, and found a way to bring out who he really was when they were alone. He kept every secret she told him locked up in his heart even though the guy he pretended to be would have aired it all out just to hurt her. He knew every one of her insecurities and weaknesses, and she knew all of his, but in the end, she just couldn’t fit the role of what he thought he wanted. 

Just another girl to occupy his time with, another girl to spend the summer with and forget about when the next one came along. Except one summer turned into two, which turned to three, which turned to watching her drive away with all her things packed up to begin her life. She had been all in for him, and he just wasn’t ready for that. At the time, he didn’t even know thats what he’d wanted, but now that she was gone and those summers were over, he wished he had, because all he can think about is how she had been nothing more than prey to him at the time, and he’d killed any chance at the life they’d talked about so many times. A life he kept trying to tell himself he didn’t want with her.

She wondered if it was all worth it, or if it had all just been a waste of time. A waste of time that left her wondering what could have happened if she’d just been honest, if she hadn’t lied to him at the end of that third summer when he asked her if she’d agreed that all of this was just for fun. She still knew all of his favorite foods by heart, still remembered his diner order and the movies he liked to watch when his parents weren’t home. She wanted to forget about all of it, but she couldn’t.

He wondered if it was worth it, hurting her like that. She’d always tell him that it wasn’t anything more to her, that she knew this was all just something to pass the time, but he knew she’d only said it to hide how real it all was for her. He wished he’d been able to recognize how real it had been for him just a little bit sooner, because maybe then he wouldn’t have to sit here and wonder what could have been. He wouldn’t feel like every date he went on was a waste of time, because the person who knew him best was long gone. 

She’d cling to the memories of her summers with Steve like something sacred and fragile, keeping them close as a reminder of when things used to be simple. When she could lie to herself about how she felt about him and still feel like she was telling the truth, when she had that false hope that maybe they could turn into something more than a summer fling. She heard from friends back home that he was a different guy now, but it seemed he was just that guy who would always come out when they were alone by his pool on those warm summer nights. The guy she fell in love with over and over again every summer. 

Maybe, if they met again, he’d be all in for sure, but she wasn’t sure she could be this time.

[helplesslyblue77]

It Felt So Wrong(It Felt So Right)

Genre: Smut, minors dni

Pairing: Step Dad!Bang Chan x Reader, Step Bro!Felix x Reader

Word Count: 3.8k

Warnings: Step-Sibling Incest, Step Dad!Chan, Step Brother!Felix, Smut, slight degration, Daddy Kink, use of slut, Moral Dilemmas but less than youd think because the author is lazy as fuck

Notes: its very much focused on the reader and there is no m/m action cause chan and felix r related and thats to much even for me,

ok so...you know how its like 3 am and you just had a whole cryfest about how knowone will ever love you and you are obsessing over men who dont even know you exist? and then you feel dumb and take a shower and chug an energy drink while you eat Pizza and smash out like four chapters of your WIP and one very dirty convoluted oneshot????

Yeah.

Anyway i literally cannot watch any clips from Bang Chan's lives the man makes me so Delulu its not ok.

The Title is from 'I Kissed a Girl' by Katy Perry, i love that song man.

You had just turned fourteen when your mother had come home, sat you down at the table, and announced she was getting married. You had not been surprised. You wished her well and snuck upstairs while she talked loudly on the phone with her friends, hardly sparing you a glance.

Your mother seemed to bring home a new man every few years, and at this point, you barely even cared.

And she barely spared a thought for you as well. You were well-fed and had your credit card, but you lacked the love only a parent could give you. Your mother was much too caught up in her pretty jewels and visits to the country club to pay you much thought. 

She was selfish, your mother, and used her pretty face and ample figure to get whatever she wanted in life, whether it be money, clothes, or men, she could have it all. The other men your mother seemed to favor never really spared you a glance, too caught up in your mother's boob job to pay attention to her only daughter, so you really had no expectations when it came to this new man.

But when you were finally introduced, you noticed how he was different.

He looked at you, smiled at you, and acknowledged your presence unlike so many of the others had. He even brought you a gift, a pretty silver necklace with a small charm.

He was handsome, and of course much younger than your own mother. Christopher, he said his name was, and he smiled at you warmly, introducing his son to you. Felix was sweet, pretty with a smile like the sun and the two of you hit it off immediately, rushing indoors to play video games while your parents snuck off.

You pretended not to know what they were doing. 

You adjusted well to the two of them, Felix transferred into your school and you showed him around, introducing him to your friends. He meshed well into your small group and in no time at all, you were happy as can be. You hoped they would stick around, your mother tended to trade off men very quickly., tossing out the old and bringing in the new every few years.

It was the first time you could remember hoping she didn't get a new boy toy, hoping that Chris and Felix would stick around. But then, in your Junior year of high school, it happened.

You remembered the frantic call from the hospital. Felix’s hand gripped your own tightly as you watched your mother's monitor flatline. You felt guilty, like maybe you should have felt more devastated, but truthfully, you weren't that sad.

You shed tears later, however, wetting the sunny yellow of Felix’s favorite t-shirt. It wasn't the fact that your mother was gone, no, it was your stepfather's devastated face that made you sob like a baby in Felix’s arms. 

You hadn't loved your flighty, unreliable mother, but your stepfather had. Even though you all knew she had been cheating on him the last few months.

Your mother is dead now, and it was all in the past. 

It all began on that very night, the night your mother died. Your seventeenth birthday had passed barely a few weeks before and you had fingered the pretty necklace they had given you as you ate. Your mother hadn't gotten you a present, but Felix and your stepdad had, and they had spent extra time with you when they noticed your mother was ignoring you as usual.

You remembered how Felix’s pretty face had lit up with a smile when he handed you the gift, Chris subtly shoving a card across the table.

They liked to give you jewelry, and you liked to receive it. It felt nice to be dressed up and you kind of understood why your mother liked it so much. The card had a few hundred in it, and a handwritten note from both of them, telling you how much they cared about you.

You had cried later that night, curled up in Felix’s arms as usual, and thanked him over and over. He had just laughed and comforted you as always. That night, you realized how nice it was to have people who cared about you, people who enjoyed hanging out with you, and who valued the things you had to say.

You dared to think that you were glad your mother was dead, so you could have a real family, all to yourself. 

The next day, when your small family moved away from your mother's empty cold house, Chris(As he had insisted you call him) reassured you that they would always care for you that you were their family, that you could live with them as long as you wished.

You felt your cold dead heart, so hardened by your mother's uncaring attitude, begin to blossom in your chest. You noticed, for the first time, how pretty Felix was, with his blond hair and the freckles dotting his skin, how firm his chest felt from years of martial arts when he pressed you up against it. You noticed the caring way he looked at you, the way he comforted you when you were sobbing your eyes out over a dumb boy, or how he always made sure to buy you your favorite drinks from the store. 

You noticed your stepfather's dimples when he smiled at you, his muscly arms when he lifted your things and carried them into the house. You noticed the way he would go out of his way to make your favorite foods when he saw you were down, how he didn't get a new girlfriend, probably because he thought you would be upset about it.

You noticed how they cared about you, but most of all, you noticed they were men. And it would plague your mind for years to come.

It started out innocent. Your heart sped up when they came to close, dreams of kissing plump familiar lips, blushing cheeks.

But then it became worse. 

And the day of your eighteenth birthday, you awoke sweaty and panting in your bed, two forbidden names falling from your mouth. 

You had never considered them as family, not really. Chris was your mother's new toy, and Felix was more of a friend than a brother. That careless attitude was coming back to haunt you.

So you left.

Packed your bags and went off to boarding school. It gave you a break from the suffocating tension that seemed to settle over the house with the loss of your mother. It made you feel guilty, here Chris was so broken up about your mother while you thirsted about him, fantasized about him bending you over the table and taking you ruthlessly. When Felix would smile at you, asking to cuddle and all you could think about was his pretty mouth doing other things to you. 

You couldn't take it anymore. 

Your twenty-first birthday was only a few days away when you returned from, settling back into your old room and your old routine. 

Chris welcomed you back with open arms, hugging you warmly and stroking your hair. “Missed you babygirl.” He would murmur in your ear, and you tried not to shiver at the familiar nickname. 

“Missed you too Chris.” With a pat on your back, he hoisted your luggage up and disappeared inside, arms flexing.

Felix tackled you in a hug next, pressing his lithe body into your back. He'd grown while you were gone, shoulder filling out and arms flexing as he hugged you tightly in a sweet back hug. You tried not to imagine what it would feel like if he was doing something else in this position. But this was Felix, he would never even imagine anything like that. 

“Missed you Oppa.”

He kissed your neck, and you breathed in his clean scent of sunflowers and things you couldn't quite place. He smelled like home. You jostled against him, accidentally rubbing your but against him and he flinched, pulling away slightly.

You froze, it couldn't be, right? Your sweet innocent brother Felix would never…

He pulled away fully and you decided it was best to ignore it for now, so you grabbed his hand, leading him in. 

He smiled at you, and you grinned back. “Dad and I made you a welcome back dinner, it's gonna be great.”

He let you lead him inside, the screen door slamming behind the two of you. You were home.

𝄑𝄑𝄑

You loved being back. The familiar smell of Chris’s cooking, your video game nights with Felix, and most of all, having a family again. But you still couldn't shake that tension. You knew you were the problem and it made you feel guilty. It was hard to cuddle on the couch with Felix when all you could think about was riding him right on this very couch.

It was hard to work out with Chris when you just wanted him to take you in the dirty gym over the workout machines.

But then, on the eve of your twenty-first birthday, when you were all gathered around the table serving the delicious chocolate cake you and Felix had made, you noticed something. 

Maybe it was the way their gazes were focused on you, maybe it was the lighting, playing tricks on your brain, but you swore you saw a flicker of desire in their eyes. You shook it off, sighting your horny imagination, and enjoyed your cake, but you could never really forget it.

Over the next few weeks, you noticed things. Lingering glances, guilty eyes flicking away from your cleavage when you wore low-cut shirts when you had sunbathed out by the pool and Chris had come out, dragging his eyes away from your figure as he handed you a glass of homemade lemonade. Or the fact that Felix had laundry duty and some of your panties had mysteriously gone missing. 

They both wanted you, that was obvious, but lingering doubts stopped them from just taking you, taking what they wanted. They seemed to think you didn't want them, but oh how wrong they were. They just needed a little push.

So you hatched a plan.

𝄑𝄑𝄑

Your plan was set in motion on a Saturday night. Chris had just gotten back from work, and you bounced over to him, all smiles. “Hey Chris, Felix is gone, and I really wanna watch this movie.” You pouted as he removed his coat, sending him those puppy eyes you knew he was weak for. “Watch it with me.”

He nodded, like the weak man he was, and met your sweet smile as you grabbed his hand, bouncing happily over to the couch and pushing him down. “Gonna go change.”

You make sure to wear your sluttiest pj set, a silk lace tank top, and some matching undies, and bounce back downstairs, plopping yourself down and cuddling up to Chris. “Ready.”  Is all you said, grabbing the remote and starting the movie.

He coughs a little, clearing his throat awkwardly. “Aren't you a little cold? Your Pj’s are, um, small.”

You smile up at him innocently, standing up. “Maybe a little, but you're so warm.” You say, and plop down right in his lap. “There, problem solved.” You smile up at him and he smiles back tightly, hands automatically gripping your hips and adjusting you slightly.

You feel your pussy throb at that unexpected show of strength. You're going to go insane if one of your hot sudo family members doesn't fuck you this instant.

So you ramp it up. 

Pretending to be cold, you move backward, jostling around on his lap intentionally. He grunts a little, hands on your waist making butterflies flutter in your stomach.

\You're winning though, you can tell when you move a little too much, and your but brushes up against something big and hard. He winces, opening his mouth to apologize, but his words dissolve in his throat as you grind down, head falling against his shoulder. 

His voice is hoarse when he speaks, “We should stop.”

You grind your core directly on his length and you both groan. His hands move your hips, grinding them against him. He speaks again. “Tell me to stop.”

You can see the guilt in his eyes, the turmoil that wars within him so you shut him up with a kiss. 

“Chris. Fuck me.”

He tries to resist, you feel him brace to pull away, and so you move falling backward off the couch and pulling him with you as you crash to the floor. If you were less horny you would appreciate how he protects the back of your head as you fall, but at this moment you just need his hands on you, his lips on your own, his cock inside you—

So you reach up, sealing your lips in a kiss. He kisses back immediately, his tongue finding its way into your mouth. The kiss is wild, passionate, and hungry, weeks of pent-up lust and longing culminating in this very moment. 

He practically devours your mouth, hands ripping your pretty pj set in his hast as he rips it off. You whine in protest and he pulls away, kissing down your body. “Don't worry baby girl, I'll buy you another.”

Your core clenches at that nickname and you grip his hair, forcing his face down. He obliges, his hot breath teasing your wet core. His voice is a growl when he speaks. “So wet for me. Do you want my cock that much?”

You whine, bucking helplessly into the air. “Yes, want Daddy's cock.”

He chuckles, planting a sweet kiss on your clothed core as you writhe with need. “Such a pretty slut for Daddy.”

You whine and he finally pulls your panties aside, diving into your pussy like a man starved. The sounds that leave your mouth are sinful, moans and pants of his name ring off the walls of the living room.

You're so distracted you don't hear the sound of the front door slamming, Felix’s carefree humming as he makes his way down the hall, headphones blaring. 

𝄑𝄑𝄑

Felix felt guilty that he couldn't watch that movie with you, but the school called and his professor offered him a chance he simply couldn't turn down.

As he arrived home, however, headphones glued to his head, he practically skipped up the path, Happy to see you. He slammed the door open, closing it just as loudly and tromping down the hall, towards the kitchen. He was hungry, there were probably some leftovers in the fridge. He opened the door to the living room and froze, not believing his eyes.

There you were, spread out on the carpet, naked. And that was his dad between your legs.

Felix froze. He couldn't believe this. 

He had never been so jealous of somebody in his life.

It had started years ago when he had met you, to be honest. You were sweet and kind and irresistible to his teenage mind. And you liked prancing around the house in skimpy little crop tops and shorts and Felix was only a man. You were touchy too, always pressed against him and in his lap, and Felix had spent many a night huddled in his bed frantically jerking off as quietly as possible.

He still remembered that one time your little family had decided to go to the beach. Felix had suffered a lot that day, doing his best to not get hard as you pranced around the beach in that cute bathing suit, dragging him around as you usually did. And then you had asked him to put sunscreen on your back.

Felix might have died and gone to heaven that day.

It had only gotten worse and worse, and you got your heart broken by the jerks you dated. Felix knew he could have treated you so much better than those jerks, but he had accepted being there for you as you cried over those assholes, ignoring the throbbing in his chest and groin and comforting you the best he could. 

But then you had returned home from boarding school. Felix had thought you couldn't get more pretty than you already were, but you had. Your figure had filled out and you had become more confident. Your clothes had become skimpier and your legs longer and everything about you was just meant to taunt him.

You were irresistible, and he knew his dad was feeling your effect too, but to walk into this. 

Felix watched guiltily, his stomach roiling with jealousy and arousal and you gripped his dad's hair, bucking wilding into his face. He stumbled back, crashing into a coat rack. Your eyes shot up, meeting him and he looked away guiltily. 

He hurriedly bowed, stuttering out an apology, but you stopped the flow of words, crooking a finger at him. He stared at you in disbelief, and you nodded. He bounded over, ever the happy puppy and you turned over, on your hands and knees, presenting your ass to your daddy. He grinned at you, as Felix gripped your chin, kissing you sweetly as he fiddled with the zipper on his pants. You helped him, releasing him from the prison his pants had become.

Your mouth watered. How was it possible for a cock to be pretty? He was large as well and you stuck our tongue out, giving it a hesitant lick. He groaned and encouraged, you took him in your mouth, gagging around his girth. 

You moved slowly at first, getting used to his cock as his hands lodged themselves in your hair controlling your movements. You were so distracted you forgot about Chris, right up until you felt a hot heat brushing against your entrance. 

Chris chuckled darkly, the head of his cock nudging the walls of your pussy apart as he spears you open. You moan helplessly around Felix’s cock as he bottoms out, his cock impossibly deep in you.

His voice is a rasp when he speaks. “Look at you, a perfect little slut for Daddy. Taking your step-brother's cock so good.” You clench and he laughs. “You like that?”

He begins to move, long harsh thrusts that you feel in your gut, and Felix begins to fuck your face as well. You feel used, like a perfect little fuckdoll.

You love every minute of it. 

Chris leans over you, grunting those sexy words into your ear. “Look at you, taking daddy’s cock so well, like you were made for us.”

Felix’s pretty moans tangle with your own, creating a symphony of wounds. Felix speaks his voice full of wonder, “She’s so pretty, so perfect for us.” 

Chris chuckles, slapping your ass as Felis whimpers. 

You feel so full and perfect, your stomach pulsing with heat as you moan around Felix helplessly, trying to communicate with them. Felix speaks, his voice throaty. “I think she's cumming.”

Chris speeds up his thrusts. “You cumming around daddy’s cock you dirty girl?”

You moan helplessly and he chuckles, landing a harsh slap on your ass. “Felix, fuck her face. She likes it rough.” He nods, and obeys, gripping your cheeks and fucking you roughly. It's so unlike your sweet Felix, the kind boy with the sunshine smile, it makes you clench around Chris’s cock one more time. 

Chris feels it and his thrusts falter. “You want Daddy’s cum?” You nod helplessly, tears streaming down your face, muffled moans 

He flicks your clit and you come, screaming around Felix’s cock as he cums down your throat with a pretty moan. Chris grunts as he cums inside you, his thick cum dripping out of your hole as he pulls out. Felix lets your head fall forward, petting your hair as he pulls his still-hard cock out of your mouth. 

He looks up at his dad, “Can I have a turn?”

You whimper in response, pushing him down and sinking down on his length, Chris’s cum dripping out of your pussy. You both moan as he bottoms out, the stretch of a cock burning ever so slightly as he bucks up into you.

Big dick jeans run in the family it seems.

You hear footsteps and Chris grips your hair roughly, pulling your face up to look at him. Felix grips your hips and begins to fuck you down on him and you moan as Chris speaks again. “Do you like being used, pretty girl? You like being our obedient little fucktoy?” 

At your moan of acceptance, he chuckles, dropping your head and coming back around. You squeal as his fingers come in contact with your other hole, prying it open as he spits inside. Felix pulls you down into a kiss, still hammering inside you as his tongue fucks your mouth. Chris lines up his cock with your ass and without so much as a warming, bottoms out. You scream, overwhelming amounts of pain and pleasure rocking you.

You don't think you've ever taken so many large cocks at the same time.

Chris grunts, slapping your ass as he begins to thrust and matches pace with Felix as he grunts out, “Such a good little girl. Taking Daddy’s cock better than your mother ever did.”

You clench around him shamefully at the mention of your mother, your pride souring. He chuckles as Felix swallows your moans. 

“I've wanted to fuck you since you got back, Felix too. You're so irresistible, baby girl.”

Your fingers are drawing scratches in Felix’s freckled back as you clutch him tightly, Moaning up a storm as two cock drill into you, rendering you dumb and speechless.

You almost feel like they're fucking your brain out, and you clench around them, feeling that ever-present coil in your stomach tightens. 

Felix moves his hands, letting his dad control your hips and using them instead on your boobs, his lith fingers working magic on your hard nipples. You reward him by sucking hickeys into his pretty neck and he does the same, whimpering out your name as he bucks into you. You can tell he's going to cum and you are so close, almost there.

They both speed up their thrusts and Felix moves his hand, his fingers drawing small fast circles on your clit. With an embarrassingly loud moan, you cum, falling back onto Felix’s chest with a pant. 

Felix follows shortly after, pumping his cum into your greedy pussy. His dad follows not long after, with an unfairly attractive grunt.

He pulls out, and you feel their mixed seed dripping out of your fluttering holes, down your legs and onto the carpeted floor of the livingroom, dirtying your mothers favorite rug. 

Felix hoists you up, carrying you upstairs and settling you gently on his bed, stroking your hair as they clean you up. 

There's a lot that needs to be talked about, but for now, you pull them down with you, cuddling up with them as you drift off, surrounded by the people who care about you. 

originally posted on ao3 on 2023-05-29

reposted to tumblr on 2023-06-08

[mariequitecontrary]

2024 TF Reverse Mini Bang Memories Part 2

Link to Part 1! I am sharing just a few of my favorite memories of the @tf-bigbang

Let's keep going!

DREAM TEAM 66

The moment I saw @spashahoney's sketch, Team 66 LAUNCHED to the top of my list. I am so lucky to have been matched up with her as my partner!! She is funny, creative, encouraging, and I loved when we fed off each other's energy! I am truly proud of what we created and sincerely hope we continue to work together in the future <3

It was very fun knowing I wanted to partner with her even when I wasn't allowed to say XD

We were a dream team from the start and I'm not afraid to brag about this fact.

We were so chaotic and I had so much fun bouncing around with her talking transformers and about her concept for our collab!

I was also so, so very wrong about how much I planned to write for this fic XD

Either way, we adored what we both had made!

It's also SO TERRIFYING to even think about someone watching you while you write a fic based off of their art XD

It was VERY FUN and I adore my artist <3

Do I completely blame her for my new Optimus/Rodimus obsession? YES.

#BOBACULT

I bought...so much more boba than I usually do because of these people XD Boba Bthursdays and Bubble Tea Fridays birthed an ongoing boba addiction in me that I'm not trying all that hard to fix XD

RP

Getting back into rping! Most importantly starting to rp transformers! I've always been a big fan of collaborative storytelling through roleplay, so am always DELIGHTED to find rp partners to play with <3

I had to pause because of vacations and the bang deadline, but I can't wait to get back into it!

500 Word Writer Awards

We were challenged to write 500 words for a secret prize and suddenly every last block I felt that was preventing me from starting to write DISAPPEARED. I wrote 632 words and suddenly felt like I could do this🙂

I'm very proud of this reward and am keeping it forever.

I'm Easily Baited with Prizes

That was the start of something I kinda knew but FULLY REALIZED over the past few months...that I am so, so, so easily motivated with prizes. It takes minimal effort on the prize giver's part. All it has to be is something you took the time to provide for me and say its mine and suddenly I DRIVEN to complete whatever task is set before me XD

It's pathetic really. But also here are my prizes look at them I worked so hard for them be proud of meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!

DO YOU LIKE THEM I WORKED SO HARD FOR THEM! *bright eyes and wags tail*

Friends <3

I made so many friends! Friends to brainstorm with, an ao3 moot, a friend I've entered into a blood pact with, friends I've written together with a sprinting bot, friends to rp with, friends to talk about space robots with and anything under the sun :) I cherish them all so so so much <3

The Great Cicada War

But my friends bullied me :( They witnessed me dealing with probably the most harrowing part of the year...cicada season.

Time of My Life

I hadn't had this much fun in an online community...in a while. The past four months contain precious memories and friendships made that I'll treasure forever.

To the mods, thank you so much for hosting such a fun event! You all put so much work into making this special for us and I couldn't be more grateful to have been a part of this.

To all my new friends, thank you for welcoming me into this space and making me feel like I'm a real part of this fandom! Thank you for being kind and encouraging me when I was down and struggling, and thank you for uplifting and cheering me on when I was proud and succeeding. May inspiration always come easily to you.

Thanks for all the memories! I'll see you soon :)

[fuck-customers]

I think this might be the case at other stores, but I don't have enough work experience to really know.

Does anyone else's corporate/bosses/higher ups semi-regularly become extremely obsessed with "improving the numbers" of a certain thing and force all the employees to obsessively do X thing to improve X numbers and make their lives hell for a few months and then completely drop it? Lmao

I'll give you 2 examples that I can immediately think of.

A few years ago at a job, maybe 3 years ago, the managers/corporate/whoever were OBSESSED with our greeting numbers. Like when a customer walks in the door, they were on our ass to greet them and say "welcome to [store name]" or at least "hi, welcome in" or some kind of acknowledgement. (Personally I didn't find this TOO irritating, more mildly annoying, however it did cause me to have a weird pavlovian response to automatic doors to the point where I've accidentally said "hi welcome in" when I was a customer in other stores with doors that made the same sound lmao rip) And then after a few months, they just totally dropped it. I haven't been told to welcome anyone in, haven't even heard a peep about any greeting numbers in at least 2 years.

The current one is still ongoing, but is tapering off.

About 2 years ago, corporate or whoever the fuck decided that we absolutely needed to start harrassing our customers into handing over their personal information in the form of their email, and then after we got a new register system, their phone number, under the guise of a "rewards system" that didn't exist.

(Sorry, side tangent here- this one is SO shady. I've never been able to get a straight answer as to WHY we need to get the info from customers or WHAT benefit it would have for customers, you know, since they were rightfully asking why they should provide this information. I had a manager say it was a "rewards system" and then when I asked how the customers could earn points and how I could view their points to tell them how many points they had or how could I apply their reward to the transaction, backtracked and said there was no rewards. Bro what?? This manager would tell customers themselves this, minus the part about it all being a lie, of course, so customers would get pissed because they weren't getting discounts that didn't exist. And THEN after this "rewards system" bullshit blew up in his face, the manager said that the phone numbers were so in the rare event that a customer MIGHT want to return an item but lost their receipt, they could do a return through their phone number. But....we've ALWAYS been able to do no reciept returns...it just had to be a manager who processes the return...the manager who was lying to me about all of this shit...hmm...)

ANYWAY, managers were pretty rabid about the stupid ass phone numbers and what each employee's individual percentages were and would publicly shame employees with low percentages by posting everyone's scores in the breakroom and highlighting those with low scores and put a condescending note like "[name] and [name] need to try harder" or "too many numbers below 70%" or whatever. And it was all the managers would talk about: how many numbers you got, how to increase numbers, tactics for manipulating people into giving their personal info, etc. etc.

And then it started tapering off about 6 months ago and for the past month or so, I have not heard a single peep about phone numbers or percentages or scores or whatever.

So what the fuck was that all about? Has anyone else experienced anything similar? Is this common or is my workplace nuts?

I know with the companies I worked for they would hire an outside audit agency to come in and look at our metrics and if one was low (i.e. not greeting) they would focus on that until the next one would say we were not promoting the rewards program. Next time it was asking if they found everything.

I'm not saying every company is like that but three of the ones I worked for did that.

-Rodney

[a-moth-to-the-light]

Most-Listened of May 2024

[last month]

May 2024 was finals + road trip home from uni + getting settled in at home for the summer, so the songs on this month's list were the soundtrack to a really busy time for me. (Because of that, I'm extra grateful to them for helping me power through it all!) I didn't have the brainspace to be properly excited about any new releases (except Repion's at the end of the month), so a lot of the songs here kind of snuck up on me. Surprisingly, I'd still say I enjoyed May's releases more than April's, though!

1. Not Like Us -- Kendrick Lamar

The Drake-Kendrick beef finally graced my YouTube recommended at the beginning of May, just in time for "Not Like Us" to save me from the Inevitable Finals Gloom. The beat was what hooked me at first (so string instrument!! so texture!!), but there are SO MANY good lines here--more than enough to keep me excited about this song, even after I massively overplayed it in just a few days of finals. (I'm a 'leave songs on repeat for hours as I float in and out of The Work Vortex' kind of guy, you know?)

2. Candy Store -- from the 2014 Heathers soundtrack

No complicated reason here: the vocal performances are just breathtaking, so I haven't been able to get this song off my mind for the past two weeks. Shoutout to @embraceofday for introducing me to this one! (That was a couple of years ago, I think, but somehow it came back to me recently, and I've been more obsessed than ever!)

3. Anthems For A Seventeen Year-Old Girl -- yeule

I've been getting ads for I Saw the TV Glow all month, and they worked on me--sort of? I still have no plans to see the movie, but this song from the trailer has taken my listening by storm. Lyzette G on YouTube mentioned yeule last year (I am SO jealous of their taste in music), so I'm proud to say I like a yeule song now! This is peak 'driving home on the highway at night and your heart is all sparkles because she said she'll text you later', which is one of my favorite kinds of music, actually. (Yes, this is oddly specific. But it's also like A General Feeling, you know?) It's eerily inhuman but also full of longing; it keeps a consistent, hazy atmosphere while still including a few moments of emotional punch--it's great!!

4. Down Swinging -- Holly Humberstone

Saxophone solo!!!!!!! That actually isn't my favorite part of this song, though--the way Holly Humberstone sings "watch me keep my cool tonight" at the end of every chorus is full of just SO many emotions--shame, determination, acceptance, longing--I find it captivating (really, every lyric in this chorus is a gem). I love songs like this (see also: Betty Who's "You Can Cry Tomorrow" and Lee Hi's "HOLO"), songs that aren't about being over something bad but are just about being within something bad and getting by anyway. Being stuck, and knowing you're stuck, and being okay regardless? Sometimes, I just need to know that's possible, and "Down Swinging" makes it feel more real than ever.

5. I'm the Ocean -- Neil Young

My dad and I ran across this on our (twelve-hour) drive home from my university, while we were listening through this playlist. My dad is a huge Neil Young fan, while I'm just meh about him--"I'm the Ocean" caught my attention from first listen, though, and I've been revisiting it daily since then. (Funny enough, my dad doesn't care for this one.) I love its haziness, how it walks the line between hopelessness and rage and how you're never exactly sure how to feel about the speaker, or about the song itself. I love singing "I'm the ocean / I'm a giant undertow". (Like, that is a captivating lyric. So powerful, so simple yet so layered with meaning?) I love the crunchy TV-static guitar!!!

6. From Small Things (Big Things One Day Come) [Live at Malieveld...] -- Bruce Springsteen

Spotify keeps notifying me whenever Springsteen releases a new compilation album (they know me too well...)--and he just keeps releasing them. I'm not sure I needed all these albums, but I'm glad to get this gem, at least! This one has a super-singable chorus, and the fiddle solo is SUCH a high.

7. Turn it up -- PinkPantheress

Not particularly exciting, but super fun! It's a solid serotonin jam to go on a playlist with all the early Twice title tracks.

8. No Biggie -- Itzy

SO CUTE SO CUTE I LOVE IT. With "None of My Business" + this one, I've been so glad to see how well the post-NewJeans world suits Itzy. My main problem with a lot of their music, especially title tracks, is that the songs strain their vocals in ways that end up sounding unpleasant to me--a chilled-out song like this one reminds me just how listenable Itzy's music can be!

9. Rollercoaster - MTV Unplugged -- Bleachers

I think Spotify suggested this one to me. I am THE Bleachers girlie, but I'd never heard this specific version of "Rollercoaster" and oh my GOD does it make me emotional. If you've ever cried to "Someone to You" by Banners, I think you already understand what this one makes me feel.

10. The Ghost of Tom Joad (feat. Tom Morello) - Live in Anaheim, CA -- Bruce Springsteen

My #1 song from my #1 artist!! (Sorry, "Badlands". Your top spot was beautiful while it lasted, and we've had so many good times, but I just... I don't think you're the one for me anymore...) I did an essay about Springsteen for one of my finals, believe it or not, and I talked about this song in particular, so that explains the sudden spike in listens--though it's constantly in my rotation regardless.

11. Wave - Ollounder's Bold Dynamics Mix -- Ateez

It's a time-honored tradition, now: trashy club remixes are my THING during finals. This one stuck with me all month, though, because it's actually kind of compelling--I find it fun, even when I'm not speedrunning a final paper. "Wave" is just a really sweet song already, and I think this remix adds a variety of sounds that make it not just pleasant, but also super captivating.

12. Lookalike -- Conan Gray

No comment...

13. Set Me Free (Lindgren Remix) -- Twice

Re: trashy club remixes for finals. This is so trash, I can't even argue that it's worth listening to at any time other than finals season. (The synth riffs in the prechorus are kind of awesome, actually, but the vocals sound like you're listening to them through a tin can telephone.) It was a great hype song while I studied, though.

14. Maybe -- (G)I-DLE

My second-favorite G-IDLE song ever (though I have no idea how I'll make room for "Eyes Roll" and "Revenge" in an updated top ten) is never not welcome on my most-listened list, but I have no idea why this is here. Maybe I left it on repeat while working on a paper? It has the right kind of beat drop to give me the same kick of adrenaline as my trashy club remixes do--though in terms of how much I admire it, "Maybe" is on a whole different level!

15. BOA -- Megan Thee Stallion

This is a wildly addictive song. The Gwen Stefani sample is such a good hook, but it's used so sparingly that I'm left hanging on Megan's every word, waiting for it to appear again. The deep bass makes the song feel full, though--by the end, I'm left wanting more without feeling like the listening experience was actually incomplete. My favorite line is definitely the Birkenstocks one; I still smile every time I hear it! I'm so excited for the album :)

Five-Star Songs (& Albums!) This Month

BOA -- Megan Thee Stallion

Lime -- Soojin

With just a few twists on a sweet, summery formula, "Lime" manages to stand out from the pack of cheery dance songs coming out at this time of year. The orchestral intro is so exciting, and the weirdly gritty vocal production (I still have no idea why anyone would consider that on a song like this--this album has some truly baffling production choices amid all the fantastic ones) unexpectedly grew on me. This song does sweet-and-sour so well!!

[Speaking of baffling production choices: "Drop Top" from this same album is a very nice listen, but what the hell is happening in the bridge... It would totally be a five-star song for me if not for that screechy violin (?) note in the dance break. Like. Why. Why would you just repeat the same ear-piercing note. The whole time. Have you considered a riff? Or making it just a TAD BIT quieter? Or just... a lower note? Anyway. Also, the ENTIRE title track, "Mona Lisa", is a baffling production choice. Just. The whole thing.]

Not Like Us -- Kendrick Lamar

Summer Daze -- Soojin

I like "Lime" a lot more than this one, but I can't help but admire "Summer Daze" too! I'm so in love with how it's a pop b-side just feels so authentically indie-rock? Like, "Más Lejos" by Atalhos was one of my favorite songs of the summer last year, and that's an actual indie-rock song--and it feels like everyone who had a hand in "Summer Daze" understood exactly why people enjoy that type of song & decided to write a love letter to the genre. This track would fit right in with anyone's wistful k-indie playlist!

Entre todas lo arreglamos (album) -- Repion

Yeah, fuck it--I added Repion to the stanlist this month! After this EP, how could I not? The pre-release "El día no me da" had my heart already--it was so similar to their last album, though, that I found it a tad bit boring. But as an opener for a song like "Viernes", "El día no me da" reaches its full potential; it functions so perfectly that my qualms completely disappear. "El día no me da" builds up the energy to this delightful high, and then "Viernes" is the rollercoaster ride back down, full of twists and turns--I love the experimentation with rhythm, which continues in "Qué hay de ti?". It adds such a nice edge to the album; even though this release retains the things that drew me to Repion in the first place--strong vocals and incessant energy--it feels anything but boilerplate. This EP has only one flaw, and it's the kazoo-sounding thing that shows up in "Vienen de pasárselo bien". Maybe it's a perfectly lovely instrument in other contexts, but I think it just sounds silly here, and I really would rather just appreciate their (always delightful) harmonies in peace. Those harmonies do save the song for me, though! To be fair, this album only has four songs--putting it in the albums category is kind of a stretch--but these four songs are packed with enough interesting ideas to make this the fullest EP I've heard in forever. (Plus, Repion gets extra-credit points for releasing my album of the year--a full-length one, too--last year.) I'm not sure if this EP will turn out to be a smaller part of an upcoming album, but I really hope so--I love this sound for them!

[cinnamontails-ff]

The incredible @kittenintheden tagged me for this, so I'll give it my best shot!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

Four.

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

224,051 - which, honestly, is insane because that means I've written (and edited) pretty much two entire novels over the course of last 12 months. The vampire elf is too powerful, guys.

3) What fandoms do you write for?

BG3

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I'm a fandom newbie, so I don't even have 5, but here are my babies:

Accountant's Guide - Pre-Canon Astarion teams up with a human accountant to frame Cazador for tax fraud. It's exactly as whacky as it sounds.

Magistrate's Advocate - The Magistrate Astarion longfic someone had to write.

Vampire Stay-at-Home Trophy Husband - Reverse Isekai EA oneshot

An Empirical Science - My contribution to the Holy Rolan Empire

5) Do you respond to comments?

Always. Obsessively so. Love responding to comments and chatting with readers.

6) What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

My fics have a good bit of angst and tension and heartbreak, but I always strive for an overall "warm" feeling in my writing, so those moments tend to get resolved at some point. No angsty endings in my portfolio (yet).

7) What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Accountant's Guide is where I gave Astarion everything I wish he could have. Zero regrets.

8) Do you get hate on fics?

Occasionally, but it's pretty rare. Not to make excuses for people hating on fics (because that is despicable; we're working for free here), but I don't think my fics are controversial enough to attract a lot of hate. They're cute. They're wholesome. They don't take themselves too seriously, so I think it's pretty difficult to hate on them.

Although someone once called Scarlett a b**** and sometimes I remember that and I become wrath.

9) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Explicit smut is something I've really only started doing when I got into fanfiction this past year. I like incorporating it into my longfics to emphasize key moments for my characters and their development, so it's part porn, part plot.

It can get kinky, but it will always be consensual. Dubcon/noncon is a big no for me, personally.

10) Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

No crossovers, but An Empirical Science is where I have a lot of fun butchering adapting Pride & Prejudice lines. I mean, it's a Rolan fic. How could you not?

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know, but I have seen coincidences of very similar concepts and ideas popping up after I've introduced them in my fics.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, there's an ongoing Ukrainian translation for Accountant's Guide! I translate the comments every now and then and readers are really praising the language skills of the translator, so that's awesome!

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but we chat a lot about my stories on my Discord server, so that's often a little like writing together.

14) What’s your all time favorite ship?

Shalladin (Kaladin x Shallan from Stormlight Archive). I love Brandon Sanderson with all my heart, but for this, I will never forgive him.

15) What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I get very hyperfocused on my stories and rarely work on more than 1 project at a time, so I tend to finish what I start.

16) What are your writing strengths?

Look, my social anxiety makes me a pretty rizzless person to talk to in real life, but my writing is funny. It's charming. I am great at character voice. I keep things real. My OCs don't need to be perfect flawless beauty goddesses to woo the guy; they recite a few paragraphs and swing their fountain pen and the guy is on. the. floor.

Sometimes literally.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

According to a rather charming public bookmark on my fic, I struggle with "pacing issues" and "questionable narrative choices". Clearly, this person knows what they're talking about, so let's accept it as fact.

18) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I think this is generally really difficult to pull off without being confusing (check out "The Wee Free Men" by Sir Terry Pratchett for a really good example how to do it). So unless I had a very specific reason for it, I would prefer to write around it as I've done with Infernal in An Empirical Science.

19) First fandom you wrote for?

Still BG3. First and last? Who knows.

20) Favorite fic you’ve written?

Accountant's Guide. It's the story I wrote when I hit rock bottom and thought I couldn't write anymore. It's the story that made me believe again. My first story in English and by far the easiest thing I've ever written. It's the story I reread when I'm sad, when I'm happy, when I want a hug that reaches all the way into my soul. I am never happier than when people tell me this is a comfort read for them, just as it is for me.

I'm tagging @thedreamlessnights, @purdledooturt, @larvasmoon, @karinamay and @davenswitcher if they feel like sharing their answers!

[magpiefngrl]

mid-year book tag

Thanks for tagging me, @bloody-wonder! It's become a fun tradition to do this every year and I've been eagerly anticipating it :)

This hasn't been as prolific a year for me as the last several years have been. I've read 34 books by end of June, so about 10-20 less than I used to, and a lot of these have been rereads. The past couple of months have been super busy and I read a lot of fic, but struggled to finish novels. Fingers crossed for a better reading summer.

1. Best Book You’ve Read So Far in 2024?  I haven't read a book that blew me away so far. I've mentioned some of my faves here. I did enjoy most of my reads this year, but there isn't one book that stands out. (a fic, does, though. More on that later)

2. Best Sequel You’ve Read So Far in 2024? Dark Heir by Pacat. I was very invested, went back to read it again a week later, and it's made me very excited about the last novel.

3. New Release You Haven’t Read Yet, But Want To? The Brides of High Hill by Nghi Vo is definitely on my list (this will wait for 2025). There's also a new fantasy novel called Foul Days by a Bulgarian author that I'm curious about. Finally, Rebecca Roanhorse's Mirrored Heavens comes out soon but I still haven't read the second one in the series, so it'll also have to wait.

4. Most Anticipated Release For Second Half of 2024? Like you, KJ Charles's The Duke at Hazard is the one I'm most eagerly waiting.

5. Biggest Disappointment? I've been reading The Master and Margarita for two months now, forcibly stopping myself from DNFing it these days, because I don't actually hate it, it's just I can't bring myself to read it. But I also want to have read it, to be done with it. Idk why I'm struggling so much. Perhaps I'm not in the mood for it and would appreciate it at a later date. Based on the title and the positive reviews, I expected something more fascinating.

6. Biggest Surprise? The above, I guess.

7. Favourite New Author? Somehow, the only new authors I've read this year are Aliette de Bodard and Lois McMaster Bujold, and Bujold is the better one of the two. (The rest of the authors were people I've read before and I knew what their writing was like.)

8. Newest Favourite Character? Miles Vorkosigan, for his cleverness and his ability to always get in trouble and then to get creatively out of it.

9. Newest Fictional Crush? Not quite a crush, but my latest obsession is Bucky Barnes, entirely because of the fic I mentioned above (Out of the Dead Land, orphaned) which gave me the worst fic hangover. It's a stucky fic, a ship that never interested me, and it gave me feral feels about Bucky; it made me go back and rewatch a few Marvel films (and I had to torrent them since I'd ended my disney subscription; in other words, I had to go to some trouble); and it was a fic I kept thinking for days after I finished it. I'm actively stopping myself from rewatching Winter Soldier again today. And yes, not a book character, but the obsession is based on a fic and he's fictional so I say he counts :)

💕Best Ship💕 I loved Asmodeus and Thuan in de Bodard's Dominion of the Fallen series. Asmodeus is a Fallen Angel who likes stabbing and torture, Thuan is a dragon prince who tries to temper down his stabby husband. Will and James from Dark Rise are also a ship I enjoyed, though I'm more interested in their past selves.

10. Book That Made You Cry? There hasn't been one this year so far. And I cry easily, and I consider books that make me cry Superior. This tells you how mid the year has been.

12. Favourite Book Adaptation You Saw This Year? I really liked Dune II but haven't read the book yet so don't know if it was a good adaptation. It was definitely a great film.

13. Favourite Review You’ve Written This Year? Have written a couple of longer reviews on GR but nothing that stands out as more creative or unique. I've been thinking about posting reviews on my website and I'd like to figure out a unique or unusual or at least a me way to do them.

14. Most Beautiful Cover? I read almost exclusively on my Kobo and pay scant attention to covers.

15. What Books Do You Need To Read By The End of The Year? Many!

The Master and Margarita! hahah sobs :((

Finish a Lymond reread

reread tgcf now that I got all the novels

Harrow the Ninth

Some more Vorkosigan novels

Vita Nostra, which I've just begun

a couple of novels I bought YEARS ago and still haven't finished

and if I can read at least one of my 60-odd unread physical books I'll consider it a triumph

Tagging anyone who wants to do this! Perhaps @skeptiquex @hoko-onchi-writes @wolfpants @lettersbyelise and @gracerene might want to get the ball rolling?

2022 mid year post

2023 mid year post

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

1, 2, 3

1) Favourite crow?

Impossible question I’m afraid

2) Favourite non-crow character?

I feel like I have a few options here but maybe Colm Fahey? I think he’s really interesting and very well written, and it’s incredibly heartwarming that he wasn’t the perfect father but he knows he made mistakes and would do anything to try to fix them but at the end of the day he loves his son and would move heaven and earth for him and that’s wonderful he’s trying so hard to be better every day and we love him for it well done Colm

3) Were you immediately pulled in or did it take you a minute to get into the story?

So funny story considering how much I actually like chapter 1 now, but when I first picked up Six of Crows it was a present from my wonderful sister and I read the first chapter and I was intrigued but not fully hooked. I started the second chapter very confused about what was going on, ended up putting the book on the side and leaving it for at least a month. It wasn’t until I mentioned the book in passing to one of my friends and she, having just finished it and begun Crooked Kingdom, excitedly encouraged me to read it that I did. I picked it up from where I’d got to without rereading the first chapter and for a while before I started all my rereads could not for the life of me remember who Joost was every time I saw someone in the fandom referencing him. (I didn’t start rereading six of crows to the extent that I do now until I’d finished Rule of Wolves 3 or 4 months later) The second time I picked the book up it had hold of me and would not let me go, I was as utterly obsessed from that moment onwards as I have been for the past 2 and a half years. I guess the first time I started it just wasn’t the right time but I am so overjoyed that I went back to it because… well, look at me now. So in summary, if you’re looking for someone to blame for the sheer insanity of my obsession with this book then blame my friend and my sister I take no responsibility 😂

[being-of-rain]

With the help of around 3 days of combined travel time to and from my girlfriends house, I've finished another EDA!

The remaining 20 or so installments in the series are a combination of books I've heard about and am really excited to get to, and books I haven't heard anything about and so am less excited for. Hope by Mark Clapham was definitely one of the latter category. I didn't know what to expect, and at first it didn't inspire much confidence in me. It's whole premise seemed to be that it was set in a bleak, gritty dystopian city, and the first few scenes having Anji being sad about her ex-boyfriend (who had died 10 novels ago now) and a tired police detective who spent too much time sleeping in his office did not do much to win me over. But, surprisingly, winning me over is exactly what it managed to do.

Firstly, the Tardis team is actually kept together for the majority of the novel. That's a real rarity for the EDAs (or Classic Who in general), and a real treat for me. Every time the characters were slightly separated in the first few chapters I thought Here we go. But they kept sticking together. They even found a place to stay the night together. Unheard of, revolutionary.

Secondly, Hope, the titular bleak and dangerous city, actually gets some pretty good worldbuilding - or at least enough to feel like more of a place people live than just a cobbled together collection of dark cyberpunk and post-apocalyptic cliches. And it gets a happy, hopeful ending too (something that I know I shouldn't be too surprised about in Doctor Who, but I guess I'm always braced for something more edgy from the Wilderness Years novels I don't know much about.)

And thirdly, I think the author really got the three main characters, and wanted to give them lots of opportunities (big and small) to shine. Anji felt a lot more defined than a lot of her other appearances, being the main emotional core of this book. She was sort of past missing her boyfriend, her emotions mostly burnt out on that front, but now just felt like it was something unfinished, unresolved. I'm glad she got this story to work through that.

Fitz had the least focus of the three leads, but still felt perfectly written whenever he turned up. It was very fun to watch him have some very Fitz moments, and also do things like investigate a dangerous cyborg cult as a subplot and casually cause a religious schism in it over the course of about a page.

Finally, I was obsessed with the way the book depicted the Doctor. He can't finely control his bodily functions anymore, he can't get through sleepless nights (without far too much coffee) anymore, and he has even has a scar of some sort on his chest. There's a chase in the middle of the book that might be my favourite scene, because the Doctor pursues a killer down a giant structure of metal girders supporting a city and over a frozen wasteland, and it wears him out entirely. The whole time he's thinking about how he used to be able to do this sort of physical activity with no problem, but now he feels every scrape and jolt and extra yard he has to run. It takes everything in him to catch and knock out his quarry, and then he falls unconscious himself immediately after. This idiot is basically human now and he is not dealing with it well.

Though considering how well the book follows up Henrietta Street in that way, it's interesting that it regularly refers to Anji travelling with the Doctor for a 'few months'. The book apparently didn't get the memo that the team lived in 1782 for... well, the majority of 1782, and some of 1783 on top. Still, I liked the continuity of the Doctor growing a beard in Adventuress, keeping it in Mad Dogs, and shaving it just before Hope. I also liked the Doctor pushing the Tardis as far into the future as he could, but then saying he felt disconcerted about landing in a place after the Earth has gone, now that he's bound to it.

So I ended up really enjoying Hope, and the way it let the characters lead the story. Next novel is... Anachrophobia, which I think is one I've heard good things about! Maybe, I can't remember. But I'm looking forward to it anyway, if nothing else because of the cool title and the cool cover. Oh and it's the first novel I've read by Jonathan Morris too! I won't hold that against it.