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ratsmp4 · 4 years ago

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holding myself accountable .

i would like to start off by saying that no one is required to forgive me for what i've done, both in the past and in recent weeks . depending on how long you've followed me, you may have seen this post from a few months ago . it was poorly worded and written in a moment of anger, where i was not thinking straight . i was in a very dark place when i posted it, and i was encouraged by one of my good friends, who will not be named for their safety . additionally, you may have seen this callout post made by one of my former mutuals . if not, i encourage you to read over it, as it could provide much needed context about what happened .

more about the situation will be included under the cut .

Garrett is the protagonist of the Thief games - a cynical master thief who wishes nothing more than to be left alone to steal in peace, but who unwittingly becomes embroiled in a series of epic events.

Garrett exhibits a strong sense of survival and self-interest. While on the surface Garrett is callous, cynical and sarcastic, with loyalty only to himself, he does seem to have deeper feelings for a few of his contacts: Artemus, the Keeper that recruited and trained him; Basso the Boxman, a fellow thief; Cutty, his fence. In extreme cases this seems to extend to even to past antagonists such as Viktoria, although that may be a result of Garrett's own self-interest.

Garrett also exhibits a strong sense of professional pride as a thief: he usually refuses to kill while on the job, saying that he's a thief, not a murderer,[1] though Constantine and Karras died as a result of Garret's actions only because he was able to sabotage their evil plans. Lotus was a mercy killing, as he begged for death due to the inhumane conditions that Garrett found him in. Other than that, Garrett has not killed any humans in the Thief canon. It is implied Garrett also never steals from his allies or the poor.[Fact Check]

Orphaned, Garrett spent his youth on the streets surviving as a pickpocket and message runner.

One night, he saw Artemus walking on the street as people, 'just passed him by like he wasn't there'. Thinking the man had some valuables, he decided to make a grab. However, he was caught, and Artemus, impressed with his ability to see a Keeper, offered Garrett a new life. Garrett was then recruited into a secret organization known as the Keepers, dedicated to observing and maintaining stability in the City.[2]

Not much is known about Garrett's education with The Keepers, except the fact that he was given initial training in the arts of stealth and subterfuge practiced by the Keepers. But, he found that it was much more profitable to make use of these skills as a thief than to continue working for the Keepers as an agent.[3] He was called "the most promising acolyte" in the Keeper annals, but left around the age of 20 due to his "imbalance." It was brought before the council to deal with him using the Enforcers, but Caduca informed the council that Garrett would be needed in the future.[4]

At some point in time, Garrett is now working as an independent thief in the City, making contacts with people such as Basso the Boxman, Cutty and Farkus Bernard. Garrett's first known large score comes from stealing an expensive scepter from Lord Bafford. After which, he breaks into the Hammerite prison to spring his fence, Cutty (who dies while still in prison). This leads him deep into the old Hammerite catacombs looking for treasure. Shortly after this thugs working for the local Warden, Ramirez, attempt to kill Garrett for non payment of tribute. Garrett turns the tables, escaping and going on to humiliate Ramirez by looting his mansion, even going on to rob the local thieves guild. This brazen display of skill attracts the attention of Viktoria, a somewhat mysterious independent fence. She contracts Garrett to steal a magical sword from the eccentric nobleman, Constantine.

Upon successfully returning from Constantine's bizarre mansion, Viktoria reveals that she and Constantine are old associates who were testing Garrett. Constantine offers Garrett a fortune for the job of retrieving the gemstone known as The Eye. Getting to The Eye means Garrett must venture through the abandoned and walled-off Old Quarter of the City to the old Hammerite Cathedral. A mysterious catastrophe, rumored to involve great fires and many undead, caused the area's abandonment decades ago. Garrett finds the cathedral sealed, but the Eye itself tells him of an old Keeper library hidden nearby. Writings there tell of where the talismans that open the cathedral are hidden and how the Keepers almost revealed themselves in order to assist the Hammerites and the Hand Brotherhood in containing a great evil. The first talisman was found in a place called The Lost City, the ruins of an ancient civilization buried beneath the existing city, its entrance hidden by the Keepers. To get the second talisman, Garrett enters a Hammerite temple in disguise. The third talisman was kept with a brotherhood of Mages. The fourth lay inside Keeper secured caverns. Unbeknownst to Garrett, the Talisman was recovered by the guards of the Opera House above the caves. Successful, he then returns to the cathedral and collects The Eye from amid the many undead, escaping with the help from the ghost of Brother Murus, a long dead Hammerite priest.

Garrett visits Constantine to hand over The Eye and collect his payment. Instead of paying, however, Constantine reveals himself to be the fabled Trickster (aka The Woodsie Lord), the entity worshiped by the Pagans, and Viktoria, his consort.

They bind Garrett in vines and Viktoria plucks out one of his eyes, using it to seemingly activate The Eye stone, and leave him for dead. Some time later two Keepers find and free the unconscious Garrett from the vines. The Keepers then leave Garrett to escape by himself through the caverns beneath Constantine's mansion and amongst some new and strange beasts. Once he reaches the surface Garrett decides the only thing to do is visit the Hammerites and tell them about what has happened in the hopes they would provide assistance. He heads for the temple but discovers that the Trickster's minions have gotten there first. Venturing inside he finds the remaining Hammerites in a hidden sanctuary down in an underground cavern. With stealth being the only hope against the Trickster's army, the Hammerites provide Garrett with a booby-trapped copy of The Eye. Garrett descends into the Trickster's realm, where he finds the Woodsie Lord performing a ceremony with the Eye. Garrett stealthily swaps the Eye for its trapped copy, which then explodes, thus striking down the Trickster as he attempts to finish the ritual.

The coda shows Garrett walking back to town alone through the snow. Life appears to be returning to normal. A Keeper approaches, Artemus. The two converse and The Keeper warns Garrett, telling him of a book he should read, and that he can't run away from life. Close observation reveals Garrett now has a mechanical eye. Garrett rejects the Keeper's 'help' in his life and says to tell the other Keepers that "I'm through. Tell them Garrett is done". He then walks away into the city streets. Artemus answers quietly "I will tell them this: Nothing is changed. All is as it was written. The Trickster is dead. Beware the dawn of the metal age.", foreshadowing the sequel, Thief II: The Metal Age.

Garrett's role in The Metal Age begins innocuously. Garrett provides a favor to an old acquaintance, Basso, helping him rescue his love Jenivere, so that he may retire from thievery and elope. Next Garrett breaks into the dockside warehouses to get some extra cash for rent. It soon becomes clear that the City Watch, lead by the zealous Sheriff Gorman Truart, is waging a war on crime, brutally persecuting thieves and conducting nighttime raids on the poor neighborhoods with the intent of rounding up criminals. Truart stages a sting operation in an attempt to assassinate Garrett, but he escapes by using a Flash Bomb. With the newly strengthened police force making burglary more difficult, Garrett begins to wage a personal war against Truart, attempting to blackmail him into loosening his grip on the City by exposing his corruption. In the process, Garrett acquaints himself with the Mechanist Order, a splinter faction of the weakening Hammerites led by the charismatic Karras, whose robotic security devices have begun to guard the City's wealthiest businesses and residences. In addition, he discovers that the Mechanists are manufacturing some sort of weaponized "Servant," made from a human body and emitting a substance known as Rust Gas, and that Truart has agreed to round up vagrants under false pretenses to be used for the project.

When Garrett confronts Truart, he finds that Truart has been slain by a strange creature. Trying to unravel the conspiracy, Garrett reunites with Viktoria deep in the Maw. Viktoria identifies the Mechanists as the true enemy, and the two form a tentative alliance. The combined skills of Viktoria's pagan operatives and Garrett's stealth abilities reveal that the Mechanists are gifting the Servants to the City's nobility, and that they are working on a top-secret endeavour known as the "Cetus Project." The Cetus Project turns out to be a gigantic submarine, the Cetus Amicus, and that the Mechanists are using it to access the remains of The Lost City in search of ancient artifacts. By interrogating the head of the Cetus Project, Brother Cavador, the pair discover that the Mechanists have recovered an object known as a Cultivator, and that they have already begun mass-producing them and installing them inside of the Masked Servants. While Garrett stakes out the Gervaisius Estate and steals a mask and the prototype Cultivator, Viktoria's agents observe Karras hermetically sealing Soulforge Cathedral. The pair conduct an experiment with the Cultivator, revealing that the Servants could be commanded to release Rust Gas, which would react violently with the plant matter inside of wealthy nobles' gardens, wiping out all life in the city, with Karras safe inside of Soulforge Cathedral.

Viktoria claims that there is no time to spare and proposes a plan: Garrett must gain control of the beacon controlling the Servants and command them to return to Soulforge and trick Karras into releasing the Rust Gas, while Viktoria fills Soulforge Cathedral with plants, to wipe out the Mechanists instead of the city. Garrett claims the plan is "suicide", claiming he will think of a better plan, and re-affirms that he works alone. As he leaves, a Keeper informs Garrett that Viktoria has begun an assault on the Cathedral herself. Garrett hurries to the Cathedral but is too late to save Viktoria as she is attacked by an onslaught of Mechanist forces. Her dying action is to fill Soulforge Cathedral with plants, as promised. Left with no better plan, Garrett proceeds to assemble a new guiding beacon and redirects the Cathedral's signal towers back to the Cathedral itself. The plan succeeds, and Garrett locks the servants inside the Cathedral. When the rust gas is released, Karras is killed and Soulforge Cathedral is left in ruins.

Garrett returns to the Cathedral after the reaction is complete and is met by a Keeper, who explains that the events of The Metal Age transpired exactly as written, and that the prophecies contain even more predictions. Garrett, previously skeptical of the Keepers' mysterious ways, reluctantly requests to know more.

#.text #posts that would be significantly funnier if i put them in a twitlonger instead

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razorblade180 · 4 years ago

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Overall thoughts on V8? Assuming you didn't answer this already.

I meant to do a volume wrap up review but I got incredibly busy and it fell to the waste side. The thing about me judging RWBY I have to come at it from two angles or I won’t feel like I judged it appropriately. There’s the casual, first time seeing the episodes and seeing this through the lens as a casual watcher who probably only sees the episodes once or twice. But then there’s the other side to that coin. I review these episodes, write aus, theorize, check extended lore, listen to the music, etc; that means I have to go back and watch episodes several times for any given reason and that’s when you start noticing the holes or picking up on things you didn’t before.

As a casual watcher, I’d give this an 8/10. There’s plenty of moments where characters do things that got me excited and plot points I wanted explored. This volume actually gave a decent amount of things I wanted for quite some time and some things I didn’t know I needed. Certainly there are things I don’t like in this but I’m open and curious to see where RT takes their storie because it’s their story.

Okay, now as a someone who’s had to deep dive and take a step back multiple times for a variety of reasons. 6.5/10 maybe a 7/10 if I’m being generous. A lot of my problems with this volume are problems that aren’t new to RWBY and that’s just how surface layer portions of arcs are and how a variety of choices/bonds don’t exactly make sense with what we were previously shown, or they only make sense because the writers don’t want introduce other complexities even though they should be there realistically. I’ll give a couple examples of these and yes, I’m aware what I say doesn’t bother everyone but it bothers me.

Qrow was never angry at or brought up Robyn being the reason their airship crashed in the first place because she started the fight; which aids in Clover dying.

Emerald follows Cinder, not Salem. Even if Cinder is working under Salem, why would Emerald be so willingly to complete shift to the side that actively goes against Cinder? There’s been no grand revelation to make Emerald believe Cinder doesn’t give a damn about her. Leaving made sense because she was about to get tortured. Going full turncoat right now doesn’t. No change happened. Emerald always hated being near Salem but adored Cinder no matter the crimes and the show hasn’t done anything to switch that view point.

I’m happy Whitley and Weiss had a touching sibling moment that implies they’re okay and making/made up, but there was never a conversation about the actual problem and thoughts that had them at odds in the first place. Weiss saving his and Willow’s life shouldn’t be the thing that smooths things over. It would’ve been terrible if Weiss do something to save their life. Whitley helping Penny is okay I guess because he really had no reason to contribute but did anyways. Even so, a person doing a morally correct thing doesn’t automatically warrant the conflict between him and Weiss’s resolved.

We got Cinder’s backstory; it didn’t tell us anything about how she eventually came into contact with Salem. Honestly her back story felt more in line of her main goal through the series was an absolute freedom by the means of breaking down the systems that trapped and didn’t give a damn, rather than her quest for power. Yes you can argue gaining power means it’s easier to maintain her freedom to do whatever she wants but I personally think that’s a little off the mark when you gave her a story that involves her trapped by rules and time rather than being too physically weak to gain freedom.

This show has built up that the Schnee family has suffered various types of abuse because of Jacques and uses Weiss as a medium to build towards breaking free from that. Not just overcoming but confronting the abuse by cementing it’s place below you. We don’t really get that. There will never be a moment where the siblings and mother truly get to break out of Jacques grasps emotionally and then put him in his place because he’s dead! Yeah they never have to worry about him again but even last volume they showed Winter still having turmoil and being able to get strung along by him. We don’t even really know how Whitley perceived his father. It feels so lackluster. Then they care to mention how it’s Weiss’s idea to save him like it’s an empowering moment when in actuality, it would be against her character, values of a huntress, and morality to let a person die in cell when you’re the reason they’re in a cell! Letting him die in there would just terrible. I don’t even know why he wasn’t let out in that scene! He’s a coward! He’d follow their orders to save his skin. All he has to do is shut up and walk through a portal.

Ironwood and Oscar both knew they could remove that staff to use it and Atlas wouldn’t drop immediately. Why did nobody have any kind of compromise with one another since there’s nothing stopping them from using the staff for something and then putting it back? They had this morally gray thing going on which I liked but then they decided to make Ironwood go full evil. I’ve never had to say this before but the song he got in V7 and the character they made him be in V8 just don’t connect. I got upset listening to that song recently because I liked that Ironwood.

Clover’s importance. RT tried making a character who had no more than 9 minutes in the series and one meaningful line of dialogue into the cornerstone of a side plot. Clover is such a nothing character. Vine did more than Clover. They try to make him have such a profound impact to the people around him but we never see him bond with his team; Harriet specifically. We get one scene of Clover telling Qrow the kids are fortunate to have Qrow even if he doesn’t think so. First, I doubt Clover knows Qrow decided to get drunk in a ghost town and the kids nearly died and cellar while he did it so that compliment doesn’t hold much weight for me. Second, We see nothing meaningful between the two. V7 has a time skip and just expects viewers to be on board with Clover being this influential change on Qrow without showing anything outside of a witty remark and Clover flexing his semblance. I would’ve bought it more of Qrow almost relapsed and Clover stopped him then had a real meaningful conversation.

Ruby goes against Ironwood only to then want to do a plan that’s aligned to longer term thinking than even his, talks about how everyone should be working together, but then adds a part in her video to actively antagonize and vilify Ironwood. Afterwards, she wonders where everything went wrong and doesn’t think of a plan or do anything to immediately help either kingdom until the final hour between the ultimatum being made, to everything getting destroyed. The inciting incident was disagreeing Mantle should be left in favor of Atlas but the main character didn’t do anything to help Mantle 90% of the season and hindered Atlas’s safety up until the final plan.

Yang is used to be the devil’s advocate in a bunch of situations, but she’s wrong most of the time or her lines just don’t make any sense. They weren’t doing just fine before Atlas. They almost died every step of the way. The team didn’t beat a Leviathan; silver eyes and a robot take credit for that. Why would Blake think less of Yang for wanting to go save people immediately? Blake was never mad at anyone to begin with. Yang consistently calls out people for following orders as if it’s objectively wrong, but is never called out on the fact she hasn’t followed anybody’s orders but her own and added discourse to every situation. I get RT is making her ask questions because that’s what Raven told her to do, but all she’s really doing is picking fights and disobeying every order. Yang states to Ruby they accomplished more than they expected. That’s false, getting Oscar back is correcting a mistake caused by her own plan that she didn’t even complete.

It took 6 volumes before Yang had anything to do with the Summer Rose subplot again and 7 volumes before her and Ruby had a sister to sister conversations; 5 if you wanna count Yang telling Ruby to leave at the end of volume three. The reason I bring this up is because in V8 , they treat their argument as if it’s a big deal but then have every character say it wasn’t that big a deal; but then have two circle back to that conversation later after having neither character discuss to anybody that the argument actually did weigh on them. Yang doesn’t think about Ruby until she sees her again and the closest we get with Ruby is Blake reassuring her that people need her and how Blake admires her. I like that scene but it’s not the same as Ruby actually airing out the specific point that Yang said something that Ruby found hurtful. Vol8 in general people trying to comfort others but nobody ever actually addresses what made them uncomfortable to start with. Except Ren.

This one is a nitpicking but I’ll say it anyways. Penny getting hacked only served as a purpose to go to the vault, a thing Ironwood already wanted them to do. Nobody got her because she was hacked. You can’t even say her getting hacked is the leading factor to her actually dying because Penny became a vulnerable human afterwards that can’t be rebuilt. Pietro was gone, and already stated last volume he doesn’t have the aura to build Penny again. If she died as a robot then it’s still permanent death. No core, no Pietro, and no aura; hacking her was just to create a Hound reveal situation and make them go to the vault on a different set of terms. I’m not exactly upset with this, but I don’t understand why the extra steps. The Hound was hunting her anyways. I would’ve brought some kind of value if she hurt a friend and it caused them to potentially hinder the plan later on or remove them entirely. Penny could’ve rekt Yang and it only adds value to Yang getting one shot later. I don’t know. I’m rambling.

I think I’ve wasted enough people’s time. Honestly, I do like this volume. I’ve enjoyed a bunch of it. But there’s things that legitimately make me think it’s not as good others and makes V7 even worse.

#rwby #rwby volume 8 #ask me stuff

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browningdryingflowers · 4 years ago

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“What is locked... can be opened... What is hidden... can be found... What is yours... ...can be mine.” — Garrett, Thief: Deadly Shadows Official Trailer

Orphaned, Garrett spent his youth on the streets surviving as a pickpocket and message runner.

#mod zoe

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the-bard-followed-the-witcher · 5 years ago

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A new scent

Omega!Jaskier x Alpha!Geralt

(warning: if you wish this to be a happy little fic DON`T read the optional part at the end, besides that, have fun!)

Jaskier stared at the exit of the latest flight, trying his best to look over the other anticipating heads and the safety glass. The exit doors were still closed and Jaskier felt the milky white glass was mocking him. He hated waiting. He truly did. Still he had come out to the airport today, still come here to wait. It felt like he had been here for forever already, and each second that passed made him more nervous, more excited.

Geralt was finally coming home today. Finally. One month, 14 days and 17 hours since they had last seen each other, since Geralt had last held him. One month, 14 days and 17 hours since Geralt had gone off for a work trip somewhere to Japan. And sure, Jaskier was proud of his boyfriend and the success his independent business had but Jaskier missed him. A lot. The video calls they made sure to share every evening since day one only helped so much. Jaskier just wanted to be able to kiss his Geralt again, hug him, hear his voice in person and not with the weird robotic sound that always accompanies a microphone recording. And so, he waited. Even if he hated it, even if it felt like torture. If it meant he would see Geralt sooner, even if just 20 minutes sooner, he would wait. And he did. Waited as the milky doors finally opened and the first travellers stepped out. Finally.

Jaskier stretched his neck further. The crowd in front of him was not helping this whole thing. He was tall for an Omega but not tall enough to overlook most of the people in the crowd. Especially since most seemed to be Betas and Alphas. To Jaskiers disapproval those two genders had an unfair advantage in height. They grew taller than Omegas did and were physically more fit. Fortunately for Jaskier he was a tall Omega, tall enough to be mistaken for a Beta from time to time, and still this didn´t help him here. His neck was already hurting from the stretching, the try to glimpse white hair.

The first few travellers were not Geralt, and the next few weren´t either. Strangers whose faces Jaskier forgot the moment they passed the exit. He was growing more impatient with every new stranger, every face that wasn´t the one he had been waiting for since a month ago. Why was Geralt not rushing out to find him? Did something happen?

Unexplainable worry wailed up in Jaskiers chest. What if Geralt got hurt? What if he didn´t catch his flight? What if…? His mind was jumping from unreasonable worry to unreasonable worry while he was doing the same in frequent intervals. Jumping just to get a better glimpse, jumping in a desperate attempt to speed up the process. There is a reason Jaskier avoided waiting at all cost.

By about the 15th stranger Jaskier felt his worry skyrocket but also a slight tinge of annoyance. Geralt was keeping him waiting. He knew how much Jaskier hated waiting and yet he kept him waiting. And here he had thought that after his weird sickness the last two days, Geralt would rush out all worried, ready to take care of him if the sickness came back today. Jaskier didn´t believe it would, he blamed it all on the nerves, but still he would have greatly appreciated his companion to be worried about him at least a bit. Or excited. Or even just in a hurry damn it.

Jaskier felt like a fool jumping up and down in the crowd that was slowly dissolving around him as strangers were reunited with the people they loved. He was still alone. Geralt was still not there. He wasn´t even sure what to feel anymore. The jumping was making him slightly dizzy, so he stopped for a second to catch his breath. Damn, had he gotten that out of shape already? And here he had thought his stomach felt a bit harder, more stretched by muscles. Guess he must have been wrong after all. To his delight that second was also the second Geralt finally managed to make his way through the crowd to the exit.

He didn´t see Jaskier in the crowd immediately and his heart dropped for a moment. What if Jaskier had forgotten? What if he didn´t care after all? Had finally realized that he deserved so much better than Geralt, a lousy Alpha? What if something happened?

Even bigger was the relief, the delight, the excitement when sky blue eyes finally met golden ones. One month 14 days 17 hours finally over. Jaskier even with a still uneven breath grinned widely, and Geralts heart skipped a beat at that. How much he adored that grin, that smile. How much he loved putting that grin on his lover’s face. God, he had missed it. Missed all of Jaskier. As quickly as he could with all his luggage he made his way past the last barricade of the exit all the while keeping his eyes on Jaskier who was banning his way through the crowd to the very front, his grin, his gorgeous breath-taking smile, never leaving his face. How desperately Geralt wanted to hold him. It had been too long. Too much waiting.

Until finally One month 14 days and 17 hours of waiting were finally done. Geralt dropped his luggage the moment he was out of the exit finally and not even a second later were Jaskiers legs around his hips and Geralts arms holding him up and their lips touching. Jaskiers hands were tangled in white locks the moment their lips touched. And it was all fire and comfort and home. Lips pressed together trying desperately to make up for more than a month of abnegation. Clinging and fitting so perfectly to one another. Heated and still soft at the same time. A perfect fit. As they had been from the start. From the very first time. Still that was the moment Geralt first realized something was wrong.

Jaskier was heavy. Not that that was bad, not that that was generally unusual. Jaskier was taller and more muscular than the average Omega so really, he was bound to be heavier than one too, but that was not it. Geralt was used to Jaskiers weight like that, it never bothered him, maybe even made him desire the other more, so no, this was not the issue. Jaskier was heavy, heavier than before. Not much, so little in fact that Geralt first thought he had simply lost strength and was just noticing it now. But that didn´t make sense. The whole month he had done nothing but work. His body was as fit as it had been since he had reached adulthood. So, through their kissing that Geralt enjoyed gravely still, he also became increasingly confused.

What finally made him pull back from the kiss though, was not the slight change in weight Jaskier had experienced, no, what really made him pull back and drop Jaskier was the smell. The smell that came of Jaskier.

It was not Jaskiers. Not entirely. There was something, someone else mixed with it. Someone that smelt oddly familiar.

“Geralt!” Jaskier squeaked when he was dropped by his lover. His lips were already bruising from their kiss, his sensitive skin making sure of that. Usually that sight would have filled Geralt with pride but right now that pride was overruled by pure confusion. His Alpha senses were already going mad, telling him to get jealous, telling him to rage. The only way an Omegas smell could mix like Jaskiers obviously had, was by a shared night. But Geralt didn´t want to get angry, fought back his instincts. He trusted Jaskier. There surely must be an explanation. Still he couldn´t help but keep sniffing the other who was still so close, their breath almost mixed. The scent was so familiar and yet it was foreign.

Jaskiers angry expression turned soft when he saw the hundred different emotions run over Geralts face. Geralt was not good with emotions and so many at a time could only mean there was something seriously wrong.

“Geralt? Love? What is wrong?” His voice was dripping with worry, Geralt would never drop him, never push him away like he just had, unless�� Jaskiers eyes frantically went over the others body. Had he overlooked an injury? Had he hurt Geralt? But he had seemed fine while walking out, as excited as Jaskier. There had been no limp, no flinch, nothing that indicated there was something physically wrong with Geralt, and yet Jaskier worried. He couldn´t bear the thought that he had perhaps hurt the other with his excited rushed jump into his arms. But there was nothing. Geralt simply stared at him and kept sniffing. And then their eyes met. Panic was locked in Jaskiers, all the emotions at once in Geralts. Sky blue stared at breaking gold.

It didn´t matter how hard Geralt tried, he couldn´t keep all the emotion out of his voice. “You smell of someone else.” His nose twitched with his words, for just a second, he looked disgusted. Then confused again. Then sad.

The only thing Jaskier now felt was confused. “What?”

“Your scent.” Geralt growled. Anger, disappointment, hurt. It was all there, right there in his voice. “Your scent is mixed with someone else´s.” He sniffed at Jaskier again and Jaskier was inclined to push him away. He knew what Geralt was implying and he definitely didn´t like it. Geralts face was laced in confusion again as he pushed his Alpha sense further down. The scent Jaskier was mixed with was familiar and yet completely unknown. He simply couldn´t pinpoint what it was.

Jaskier crossed his arms in front of his chest. “I know what you are implying Geralt and I can´t believe you´d ever think me capable of doing that.” He glared at the other who was now sniffing out the air around him as if he was trying to pinpoint exactly which part of him smelled the most of betrayal. To Jaskier the answer was obvious. None.

“I have not cheated on you Geralt.” And that was the truth. One month 14 days and 17 hours had he been waiting for his lover, his only lover, to come back to him. Hell, he had not even touched himself properly since they last parted ways. Geralt should know this. He had waited for him. But he had not waited to be accused of cheating. He had not waited to be accused of betrayal. He felt anger wail up in his chest.

The only answer Jaskier got was a raised eyebrow and more sniffing. Geralt was slowly following the intensity of the other smell only to find to his surprise that it was mainly coming from the other lower torso area. Jaskiers stomach. That fact simply confused Geralt more as he stopped his sniffing and simply stood upright in front of a very pissed of Jaskier.

Seeing Geralt brood in silence simply pissed Jaskier off more. This was supposed to be a happy reunion damn it!

“Listen Geralt, I have no clue what you are smelling on me, but I can promise you: I. Have. Not. Cheated. On. You.” He knew Geralts sense of smell to be a good one, as all Alphas was, but this was simply crazy. He had not cheated on his lover. He loved Geralt.

But while Jaskier was full out there, trying his best to convince Geralt of his innocence all the while suppressing tears that were threatening to spill from his rage and disappointment filled eyes, Geralt seemed to be far away with his thoughts. All his memories searched for that smell, but every time he thought he had found it, it was gone again.

He looked at Jaskier the puzzle in his head still not solved. “The only way a scent can change is if the person spent a night with another or if…”

And then finally everything in Geralts head clicked into place. He was flooded with memories that involved it, found it everywhere he looked now that his mind knew what to look for. It all made sense. He was frozen in his place.

And Jaskier saw it happen in real time as Geralts eyes got wide, saw how all confusion dropped from Geralts face. “Fuck…” Jaskier raised an eyebrow at that.

“What, Geralt?” He snapped; arms still crossed. The annoyance at his companion was overwhelming and a little voice that Jaskier ignored skilfully, warned him that he should be reasonable, that he should listen but Jaskier was an emotional person. It wasn´t exactly possible for him to cut of his emotions from his mind. He was a second away from leaving Geralt standing there, eyes still wide.

And then:

“Jas, you are pregnant.”

It took a moment for the words to settle in but when they did Jaskiers arms dropped, his face did too and rage was quickly turned to confusion, denial even. “What?” It was barely a whisper.

“Your scent did change Jaskier. It did. But not because of someone else.” Geralts face lit up with a small smile, eyes filled with love, with pride. His voice turned soft, protective. “It changed because of me, because of us.” A low laugh escaped Geralts throat as he took Jaskiers hand in his. Jaskier was still just staring at his excited lover. His mind was turning, screaming, trying to process what was happening. “You smell of me, of me and you together. You smell of them.” And in the most loving motion Geralt guided their hands to Jaskiers stomach.

And when their skin touched his shirt everything snapped into place in Jaskiers mind too. His stretching stomach, his strange sickness over the last couple of days, his overwhelming emotions. It was like everything finally found its place. It was simply too much.

“Geralt… I think I will faint.” And Jaskier almost did. But Geralts strong arms were around him in an instant gently guiding them to a sitting position on the floor. Their hands were still intertwined, placed right above a growing new life.

“Geralt, I swear if this is a joke...” Jaskier couldn´t even finish his sentence before Geralt interrupted him.

“It´s not, love, it´s not. You are pregnant.” And Jaskier couldn´t believe it but when Geralt nuzzled into his neck, kissed his skin, he could also feel wet salty tears hit his skin. Geralt, his Geralt, the guy for everything, the most stoic Alpha to ever live, the white wolf was crying. Crying because there was a new life growing inside Jaskier. A new life that consisted of the both of them. A true child surprise. Their child.

And Jaskier curled up to Geralts chest as tears spilled his eyes too. And he heard Geralt purr low and proud. His Geralt. Their child. Jaskier could barely sob out an “I love you” as his emotions continued to overflow his eyes. There was warmth in his chest, and his hand rested in Geralts and Geralts rested on Jaskier stomach and for a second it felt like that was where they should have always been.

And Geralt pressed Jaskier closer to his body and kissed his neck because he loved Jaskier as well and he already loved who Jaskier was holding inside of him. He breathed in the new scent Jaskier held, a scent that after despising it for a second now felt like the world to him. Like the only thing that mattered. And he knew finally that the smell was close to what Jaskier always smelled like after Geralt had buried himself deep inside the Omega but there was something more overwhelming, something more present. A scent new to this world. Unique already. Consisting of him and the love of his life.

And as Geralt was sitting there with Jaskier who was still crying of happiness on the floor of an airport, he knew he would love this child.

And Jaskier pulled away from Geralts chest and looked up at him. Blue eyes watery with tears but the softest happiest smile on his face. It was the most beautiful sight Geralt had ever seen. Jaskier was the love of his life and since the child was a fraction of Jaskier, Geralt was sure he would not be able to resist loving it. He wouldn´t even try.

And Geralt pressed a kiss to those beautiful lips, the lips, the smile, he would never get sick of kissing, of loving. And Jaskier kissed him back like he was all that matter, like they were all that mattered in the world and perhaps in that moment that was true. Because they were together, they were happy. At the end of the day that was all that mattered.

Optional ending:

8 months later Jaskier was put under the earths soil. Geralt blamed himself. He couldn´t save him. Not from nature. In the distance a baby was crying.

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monchikyun · 5 years ago

Text

28. in the light of day

It’s been snowing a great deal lately, the weather has prepared a very cruel gift in the form of endless northern winds and icy pavements that have the potential of ruining someone’s day. And the someone has to be none other than Gavin, because the universe recognises that he deserves it the most. The days in December are shorter than his attention span, and the darkness that surrounds him when he’s returning from work is subconsciously making him quicken his pace. There is plenty on his mind, things that he wishes he never did and the little miracles he wishes went of forever, and perhaps that’s why his feet don’t get the most attention and when he steps on a particularly slippy block of ice that once was a muddy puddle, nothing stops him from falling straight on his backside. It hurts like bitch, so much so his eyes water and he’s overwhelmed by dizziness. But it also might be that cold that he’s already waiting to shake by doing absolutely nothing in order for that to happen. He lugs his heavy body up and is immediately greeted by a coughing fit suggesting that he should really not be outside in this condition, especially so when the low temperature is unforgiving enough to freeze rivers.

“Phck.” He tries to curse his affliction away, but like every time he does so, it only manages to piss him off even more.

Gavin is already angry as is, even more so than he’s by default. It’s all his fault, he begrudgingly admits, because doing otherwise would imply that him shouting at Connor is someone else’s responsibility. He was doing okay for such a long time, tried his absolute best to make the android like him, and not only because he wanted to get rid of the guilt that has been gnawing on his mind since the end of the revolution, but because he let himself catch feelings for the ridiculously beautiful robot. It worked, at first, they were getting along pretty well, despite Gavin being his ever-so-charming self. It was probably thanks to his heartfelt apology, at which he still physically cringes each time its memory crosses his mind. But then something snapped inside of him - maybe it was the jealousy that acted up when he saw Connor becoming friends with other, more attractive people, or he just tried to self-sabotage himself, since he had been dangerously close to kissing that stupid android. Because he’s well aware that he has zero rights to go anywhere near there, even thinking about it triggers an alarm that signals his unworthiness.

But it’s oh so cold here and all he wants is a warm hug from the person he likes the most. His nose is leaking and his throat his being cut with a thousand knives, and he doesn’t know how he’s going to get home when his every move is soaked in pain. He should probably lie down right here and wait for the end to come. He’ll either get better or the blessed oblivion takes him, both options are equally desirable to him. But he has to do one important thing first.

He fumbles for his phone and forces his freezing hand to type in the security code so he can open the texting app. His fingers are numb and his vision blurry, but he succeeds in writing the three overused words that have been floating around his mind since this afternoon when he returned Connor’s worry with a harsh dismissal. If he could take it back, he’d never allow himself to yell at the only person who cares.

“I’m sorry.”

Like that will repair their relationship which he so selfishly damaged.

He’s pretty sure he sends it, but then again it’s hard to see anything when there are tears flooding his vision. He slides down against the wall of some empty building that stands half a mile from his apartment building, ready to accept his fate. His eyelids must be made out of lead for he can’t keep them up, and with every passing minute, his breathing gets slower, since his lungs are on fire and he’d be happier not having to inhale oxygen at all. This could be it, his final night. He’s thought that he wouldn’t struggle against his departure when it finally came, but as he’s now, dying alone in some abandoned back alley, he wishes nothing more than to see the light of day once more.

If only his car didn’t break down, if only Connor liked him enough to brush off his unfair behaviour. He thinks he hears his phone vibrate, but he’s too weak to even open his eyes. This is it then, his final stop.

He must have fallen asleep at some point, because there is a familiar voice calling his name, and he can feel those soft hands on his face. It’s fitting that his last dream would be about Connor, his biggest regret would mock him till the bitter end after all.

“Gavin, please open your eyes.” He can sense the urgency in the android’s voice, the worry that has been there earlier today, and he automatically looks up at the sight he’s longed to see since leaving the office, still believing that it’s just an illusion.

“Con…” He wonders how he’s able to speak when he barely has the strength to focus his vision.

“You stupid motherfucker.”

Yeah, he deserves that.

When he gets lifted up, his head hanging down from the android’s shoulder, he contemplates on this being real and not his farewell fantasy. It gets confirmed through the sharp pain that assaults him when he gets thrown to a backseat of some car.

“I’m so fucking mad at you,” Connor mumbles as the car drives them god knows where. He’s sitting next to him, possibly his thighs being the cushion on which Gavin’s sore head rests. A soothing cold hand is threading through his damp hair and he’s sure they’re on their way to heaven because there is no way this moment belongs into his fucked up reality. The other hand lands on his forehead, acting as the ice-pack he craves so much since despite how cold his body is, he’s three seconds short of self-combustion.

“103.1 degrees. Maybe I should call an ambulance.”

“No!” Gavin manages to croak out because he really can’t afford a hospital stay with his lack of savings and shitty health-insurance.

“Okay.” Connor’s voice is the thing that keeps him from passing out. Because as long as hears it, his ache is limited to his physical body. And that’s much easier to bear.

“You have to stop pushing me away whenever I show a hint of worry, if you want to live that is.” He can discern the threat that comes with the demand, and he’s tempted to smirk in Connor’s face, though he doesn’t, and not only because he doesn’t have the strength to do it.

He wants to thank Connor, needs him to keep talking to him, but he has already depleted his words for the day, and so he’s left to the mercy of chance. If he’s lucky, his gratitude is being transmitted through the relief he’s drowning in, and with each second Connor speaks at him, he’s being more and more convinced that maybe the android likes him back.

“I’m taking you to my place, but we have to stop for some medical supplies first.”

The silent hum of the car is lulling him to sleep, and Connor’s proximity is not helping much. He feels safe, cared for even. And he doesn’t want to wake up and find out that it was just a part of his wishful thinking, that he hallucinated this whole thing.

Fortunately, the car comes to a sudden stop and that enhances his alertness by a smidge.

“I’ll be right back.”

He’s about to beg him not to go when he’s reminded that he lost the gift of speech, and so he exhales sharply and lets Connor leave his space.

As soon as he’s alone again, he can’t fight his exhaustion anymore and lets the darkness envelop him whole.

He feels himself tug at his lifeline, watching the world as it distorts before his eyes in the most painful way possible, never sure whether the waking world would be the lesser evil.

When he finally does open his eyes again, he finds himself tucked under a heavy comforter, head rested on an actual fluffy pillow this time.

But the only person he’d like to see right now is nowhere to be found, and as he realises that, his lungs decide to act out and he’s yet again nothing but a coughing machine.

It must be the middle of the night since it’s still pitch black outside the window, and he doesn’t notice the approaching silhouette until it’s standing right beside him.

“Drink this.” He notices the yellow light coming from Connor’s temple, which is almost the same colour as the liquid he’s being offered. It doesn’t look appetising whatsoever, not even if he could trust his stomach. But he obeys and does is best to swallow as much of it as his insides can handle.

When he’s done with it, he hands the half-full mug back to the android and panics when he sets to leave from his bed-side.

“Don’t go.” The nap must have restored some of his energy, for he’s able to grip Connor’s arm. Gavin is burning on the inside while being trapped in a snowstorm, and he’s afraid to be swept away by the pain if there’s no one to around to save him.

“I won’t.”

He doesn’t know if Connor keeps his promise since he drifts off before he has a chance to struggle against the pull of sleep.

The next thing that brings him back from his slideshow of nightmares is fingers tickling one of his cheeks. The breath that he takes as he regains his consciousness already tells him that he’s on his way to recovery.

“Good morning, sleepyhead.” Gavin finds out that there is something more he wishes to see than the light of day, although it’s great to know that he successfully survived the night.

It’s the soft smile on Connor’s face, the two bottomless eyes, and the LED ring shining bright blue.

And maybe now, when it’s so bright and his demons are taking a break, Gavin can allow himself to be utterly, completely honest about his feelings.

Because when they managed to get through the unforgiving darkness of night, there’s no reason why the blissful daylight should break what they were able to build together.

@convinseptember I have only a vague idea of where I was going with this xD

#convinseptember #convin #sick-fic #my longest yet #I'm tempted to expand on this story #people being ill or injured is my weakness xD #also quite poorly written but I'm also not feeling very peachy so blame it on that :D

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sailor-cresselia · 6 years ago

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The Great Ex-Aid Rewatch: Ex-Aid & Ghost, Part 03

Last time, in “This movie is Out There” land, Kamen Riders Ex-Aid and Ghost fought PAC-MAN. And won, thus earning the cure of countless civilians from a literal Pac-man fever.

I almost wish I were making this up, but I’m also so glad that I don’t have to, because Toei already did it for me.

(Liveblog under the cut)

–––

We resume on Zaizen nearly collapsing in pain as the reprogramming takes its toll on him – visual glitching and static, that weird bubbling texture, the works. Robol watches on, ‘monitoring’ the situation. Giril and Doral stumble in, in obvious pain from the fights they were just in. Robol makes a snarky aside about the ‘kids’ being tough – that’s a bit rude of you, your coworkers put up a very good fight, and they took three of the five riders out of commission. I’d say that’s a good success/loss ratio.

Zaizen says that it doesn’t matter how badly they were beaten. He’s just obtained the power they were looking for.

His voice has taken on a strange doubling effect – his regular voice overlaid with a voice-changer effect. Fortunately, this particular robotic distortion is more in line with the unsettling deep tones of Genm than it is the obnoxiously high pitch of Dr. Pac-Man.

–––

Nighttime. Seito University Hospital.

Alain and Makoto are unconscious, being tended by Hiiro. He’s not doing much better, frankly. He’s awake, but his balance is off. As he moves between their beds, he stumbles, winding up basically collapsing on Makoto’s. Taiga, having been watching and presumably having helped bring Alain in, is probably embarrassed by this whole display.

He tells Hiiro that he’s not sure who’s the patient here, and that he’ll take over from here.

Hiiro, clearly exhausted and breathing heavily, mentions that license or no, he supposes that Taiga is still a doctor.

Taiga just tells him to go find somewhere to pass out.

See, here’s the thing. Taiga is still a doctor. He’s still been practicing medicine the past five years, albeit illegally, and probably to a whole lot of yakuza and such, but he is still a decent enough guy.

As we’ll see later on, he doesn’t kick Nico out – which is in part because she refuses to be kicked out – instead, he becomes super protective of her.

If he didn’t care anymore, like he tries to make us all believe, like he tries to make himself believe…

Why would Taiga be a rider at all? Revenge? Nah. Even when he made as if he was holding the Collabos bugster hostage in episode 8, he did still defeat it. Not as a distraction, like he plays it. But he doesn’t want anyone else to suffer.

Taiga still cares. He’s just trying to make everyone think he doesn’t.

He’s trying to make himself think he doesn’t.

He’s only somewhat successful.

–––

Downstairs, at CR, Takeru is ‘sleeping’ in the quarantine ward – you know, as much as he can while wincing in pain as he sleeps.

(I tend to maintain that the bugster virus largely prevents the people it’s actively effecting from sleeping much, if at all. What better way to increase someone’s stress levels and weaken them than to deprive them of rest? They may get moments of rest, but not much, and it’s not helpful. But that’s really more of a headcanon than anything else. I just felt it was worth mentioning right now, since we don’t usually see how stays overnight at CR are handled, even though we know they happen.)

In the office, Emu is barely holding back tears. He thinks he’s failed, that Hiiro and Taiga did so much better than him, because they were able to save Takeru’s friends. But him? He’s not good enough.

Poppy points out that he’s not a failure, that he just saved a hundred thousand people, but Emu’s not really listening. He couldn’t save Tougo, so what right does he have to say he’s a doctor? Why is he even doing this in the first place?

Poppy heads down the spiral staircase, looking back at Emu, before looking forward to see Kiriya on the waiting bench outside of the ward.

He starts talking without being prompted, and asks if Poppy wonders why a ‘guy like him’ became Ex-Aid. She points out that Kiriya’s not supposed to be here, but he continues. The riders are supposed to have undergone a compatibility surgery to be able to use the Drivers, but Emu never has. Looking down, Kiriya laughs. Emu might just be the biggest mystery here.

Keep in mind, Kiriya’s known about the game disease for five years, and confronted Kuroto about it three years ago. He’s presumably been researching it all this time, to find a way to stop it.

And he says Emu is the biggest mystery. In the handful of episodes before this movie, he spent a whole lot of time looking into Emu’s past.

Poppy admits, she’s not quite sure what’s going on either, but that she wants to believe in Emu, and thinks that he has a special power.

Oh, sweetie. Poppy, sweetheart, single person in this show who consistently believes in Emu after episode 12… you have no idea. Nobody has any idea.

Least of all Emu, who’s basically just so, so tired of everything right now. Tired of failing, of being berated by his ‘coworkers’, pretty soon going to be tired of being locked out of the information loop.

I’m so sorry, Emu. It’s not going to get any easier from here.

–––

Back at the Next Genome hideout, Zaizen, Robol, and Giril are watching Tougo in the bugvisor. Because, you know, infected humans are totally supposed to be able to be pulled into those. Not like he’s been altered at all until now. He’s only just been told he’s ‘going to be’ the first test subject. That implies he hasn’t had anything done to him outside of the pac-virus detection program, and the bugster infection.

So… how could they pull him in there?

(Sadly, we never get an answer to this. I’m pretty sure it’s a combination of ‘they hadn’t decided what the bugvisors could do yet,’ ‘early installment weirdness,’ and ‘we needed a way to kidnap this brat that didn’t involve bodily slinging him over someones shoulder.’)

Doral calls in. Seems the cops have turned up, with a whole-ass swat team… and Shinnosuke, who tells Doral that this is his last warning, and that he needs to stand down, now.

Dorals response? They’re conduction a test right now, and he can’t let them interfere. He pulls out his proto-gashat, the cops ready their guns even further, and a giant fancy red circle appears in the air between them.

Please!

Nobody knows what’s going on, especially when the circle starts moving towards the police, and then all of them disappear.

Doral just looks at this, still untransformed, like he’s wondering what the hell just happened. He’s been incredibly stoic so far, when he’s not smug, so seeing him this flabbergasted is great.

An even smugger guy appears behind him, saying he ‘took care’ of those pests. Doral says that was unnecessary, he could totally have done it on his own.

New Guy just smirks.

Inside, Zaizen tells Tougo that he’s going to become an ultimate lifeform, just like he is. He decides it’s a great idea to show off his evolved form – and it’s… eh. I can’t say I’m impressed. It’s not a great design, in my opinion. Giril’s super ‘into it’ though, if that grin as he finishes transforming is any indication.

Not that Zaizen notices, while admiring his form, and proceeds to send a wave of his particular vaariant of bugster virus into his bugvisor to infect Tougo, who screams in agony. We can still hear him screaming for a bit as Doral and New Guy walk in.

Giril asks who Doral just brought in.

New Guy is the one who answers. He’s Souma Haruto, a wizard. This plan of theirs sounds awfully hopeful, and he’d like in.

Doral, apparently unimpressed, mentions that they have no idea whomst the heck he is, and have no reason to trust him.

Haruto’s offended, and points out that Doral’s the one who let the cops track them down, while he’s the one who got rid of them, so clearly he’ll be a way better lookout.

Doral continues to be unimpressed, but Zaizen thinks this all sounds very interesting, and is willing to let Haruto in.

THIS was my introduction to Haruto, you guys.

–––

Back at CR, in the quarantine ward. Which. Uh. Apparently they have two of? And we never actually see the second one again?

Because Takeru’s alone, in the dark, when he receives a call from Shinnosuke, via Takeru’s Condor Denwa, who flies in and turns back into a phone.

Yeah, Takeru’s ‘cell phone’ is actually a rotary phone that is also a condor, and can attach to his sword to turn it into a bow and arrow.

Now This Is Kamen Rider.

We cut to Akari being scanned in the ward we usually see, the one below the office, where… she’s not doing well. On the plus side, being unconcious means that she’s probably not feeling any pain. On the downside… well.

Takeru stumbles in, focused on seeing Akari. Poppy tells him he really needs to rest – but he just asks how much time they have left.

Eight hours remain.

Akari fades momentarily, and seeing this causes Takeru to fade, static crackling along both of them.

Takeru tries to run off, but Onari grabs him, asking where he thinks he’s going.

Shinnosuke told Takeru that he’d found the hideout, so Takeru’s going to try and take them down. Poppy tries to stop him – he’s incredilby wounded, he can’t go out there alone – but Takeru insists. Makoto and Alain are already down, because they were defending akari and him, so he has to do this. He has to!

Onari, reluctantly, lets go. He knows full well that once Takeru’s set his mind to something, there’s really no stopping him. That once Takeru’s decided he’s going to save someone, he’s going to save them, even at his own expense.

Emu watches blankly from the observation window as Takeru runs out.

He starts thinking back to Tougo telling him to ‘hurry up and save him,’ to his telling Tougo that as a doctor, it’s his job to save him, to his telling Poppy that he doesn’t just want to cure people, but also to make sure they can smile, and that that’s the type of doctor he wants to be.

“Excite” starts to play in the background.

Determined, Emu looks up.

“Tougo’s fate… it’s too early to decide!”

(I had to rewind just to watch the following sequence, not for the context and summary, but because I got too distracted by the full version of “Excite” playing to pay as much attention as I normally would. I love this song so much. Takeru got robbed that his theme never played in any form during this movie, but Drive, Gaim, and Wizard all had parts of theirs played. “Warera Omou, Yue Ni Warera Ari” isn’t nearly as good of an OP as “Surprise Drive” or “Just Live More”, and “Life is Show Time” is okay, but not great. But seriously, Takeru’s one of the leads of the film! He should have gotten his song in!)

Takeru is struggling to get onto his bike, which is notably not in it’s kick-ass ghost unicorn form, much to my disappointment. Emu runs up, limping slightly. Takeru has a reason to fight, right? So does he. He’s coming with.

Takeru nods, and they clasp hands.

This isn’t him nodding in agreement, either. This is him nodding in approval.

Takeru, who is 19, has to repeat his last year of high school, and is the senior rider out of the two of them, sees that Emu, who is 24, in med school, and only became a rider a few months ago, is truly ready for this job.

Cut to Shinnosuke making a call, letting Kiriko know that he’s going to be late getting home. He chuckles, telling her that she should be worrying about herself – she’s responsible for two lives now.

Kiriko’s pregnant. He’s gonna be a father.

Saying that he’s headed out, he hangs up the red-and-black phone, and straightens his tie, before walking off.

There are several closeups of his eyes through this – where his expression is more serious than in the wide shots. It’s understandable, really. His father was a police officer, and was killed in action.

He was killed in action, once, before being revived.

And in Surprise Future, Drive’s summer movie, the version of his son that Shinnosuke met? Never knew his father.

So he should always take the job seriously, yes, especially when going into the dangerous situations, but he knows full well that any case could be his last, and that he doesn’t even have the aid of Krim and the team anymore.

He can’t transform, he’s up against people who can, and he is still going forward.

It’s his job, after all, both as an officer and as a Kamen Rider.

Cut to Next Genome.

Zaizen tells Tougo to show him his new, ‘reborn’ form. Tougo’s in pain as he starts flickering back and forth between human and pseudo-bugster, and panicking. Which is fair on so many fronts. He’s being turned into a monster without his consent, because Zaizen is a terrible excuse for a doctor and a scientist. But also, his new form is clearly the same one as Zaizen’s, which is just bad.

Haruto watches, disgusted.

Outside, Takeru and Emu ride up on their respective bikes – Emu using the white one that is apparently hospital property? Or something? We never see it much in-show, but when we do, it’s almost always with both him and Asuna, and it has the same ‘AID’ written on it that’s on the wall in CR. So…

Wait, is this technically Poppy’s bike?!

ANYWAY. They arrive at the abandoned ‘lab,’ only to encounter a smug guy in a black jacket and bright pink pants. Takeru wonders who the heck this guy is, only without attempts at swearing, because Takeru is a Good Boy. Haruto all but rolls his eyes as he tells them it took them long enough, come on in. (It’s here that Excite finishes playing.)

Emu points out that this could be a trap.

Haruto is trying very hard not to roll his eyes at his latest successors. Like he’d set a trap for the good guys, he took lookout duty so he could get them in. (Besides, the newest new guy looks more like he’d belong on that side than he does, not that he’s saying that or anything.)

He’s Kamen Rider Wizard. He’s gonna be their hope.

–––

Okay, before I continue… Emu, no. You are terrible at detecting traps. You keep thinking that the good guys are the ones laying them, and yet accepting strange gashats from people who you know are sided with the bad guys. Every single time Taiga calls you out, you just waltz right on in, despite literally everyone telling you it’s a bad idea. But you realize this might be a trap?!

Emu, please learn how to roll a decent spot check, I’m begging you.

I know that my pleas will go unheeded, because you’re ten episodes in out of 45, and prove just as gullible in the after-series materials, but still.

(Oh, yes, sure, boys, just accept the invitation to play the game from the guy you were totally willing to leave behind on a bench less than one minute ago, there’s no way this could possibly go wrong! Never mind that he’s the one who set nearly everything that went wrong in your lives in motion, or that less than a minute ago he was begging you to let him out. No, just fall for his appeal to your completion egos and- okay, look, much as I love the Para-DX HBV, they made a terrible mistake, which led to the terrible v-cinemas.)

Okay, okay, sorry, sorry. I got carried away again.

–––

The doors to the lecture hall that Zaizen and his cronies have been hanging out in open; Takeru, Emu and Haruto coming in.

Emu shouts Zaizens name, much to said mad scientists apparent amusement.

Doral points out, pissed, that Haruto tricked them. Haruto, being the little shit that he is, says it was just a little magic trick. Surprise~!

Haruto, no. Do not blow a kiss to the guy who already hates you. This is why fandom accuses you of flirting with everyone. Well, that type of thing, and how your spell to get into peoples underworlds is literally called “Engage.”

(Now This Is Kamen Rider.)

Hatena summons some mooks, and we prepare to go into battle.

–––

Also, I’d just like to note that Haruto looks kind of surprised that Emu’s opponents have already brought out minions as early as they have.

The Masquerade dopants, the footsoldiers in W, didn’t show up until episode 13. Same with the Waste Yummies in OOO, and the Dustards in Fourze. His own Ghouls showed up in the first episode, but weren’t nearly as common until Nitoh showed up in episode 17, to give him something to keep him occupied. They weren’t usually summoned except as a distraction, or in a round two or more against a Phantom, so the fact they’re being pulled out pretty much right off the bat is pretty new for him.

–––

Fight time!

First fight scene is Emu versus Giril, in… I dunno where this is, an old lobby? Regardless, he’s not doing great. When he’s up against the mooks, he does okay, managing to toss them back. When Giril shows up, though? He doesn’t land a single hit on her, whereas she, in the span of about a minute:

Kicked him off of desk via knocking his leg out from beneath him; deflected all of his attempts to punch her; twisted his arm behind his back and delivered a few good blows to his torso in the process; kicked him in the chest, knocking hiim back into a column; shoved a rolling cabinet under him, thus flipping him over; and grabbed him around the middle, while bending down, and proceeded to kick him in the face. This last one is exceptionally notable, because Emu was standing up. She had her entire torso at his waist height, and kicked over her back to get him in the face.

–––

Next bout is Haruto versus Doral in a hallway. This starts with Haruto showing off his veteran status, using elbow blows to knock mooks down, and at one point sliding on the floor between the lot of them in order to get a more advantageous position, whereupon he spin-kicks them down.

(Casual note that both Haruto and Nitoh did not punch anyone as Riders. Since their main gimmick was the rings, their fighting styles both incorporated more kicking, and in Haruto’s case, a whole lot of running off of walls, than anything. That way, kids would be… well, less likely to try and punch with their own toy rings on. Also, it probably helped Takaiwa and Watanabe to not shatter their hands, because that would almost definitely have happened if they’d been using them.)

Doral shows up, and nods for the mooks to take their leave. He wants to do this fight on his own, clearly.

And it’s a pretty balanced match, too. See, when Doral’s been fighting as a human, he’s been using his legs, too. He only takes his arms from behind his back when he uses them for balance, or, say, to grab someone and keep them from moving. This way, the two fighting styles balance out. Doral is more stoic and restricted, but powerful. I’m not sure where Zaizen found three scientists who also practiced martial arts, but he sure did. Haruto, by comparison, is improvisational, using his surroundings as well as his limbs. For example, at one point he grabs onto the top of a door frame to pull himself up, so that he can get a height advantage on the considerably taller Doral. This lets him knock Doral off balance, and get him out of his stance, allowing Haruto to go on the offensive.

–––

Next up is Takeru against some Bugster mooks, and he’s doing a good job.

This is a type of fight he’s very used to, after all. The Ganma Commandos came out on day one, so he’s always had to fight against multiple enemies at once, all of whom had swords, just like the bugster mooks here.

He doesn’t have to fight them on his own for very long, though, when the two he’s grappling are hit by gunshots and fall back.

Officer Tomari Shinnosuke is here. Even if he can’t transform… he will always be Kamen Rider Drive!

He manages to take out a few mooks, before Robol shows up and immediately starts owning this fight.

Seriously, he just comes up, and the clothesline maneuver Shinnosuke blocks sends him rolling back a few yards.

Shinnosuke, with Robol grabbing onto the back of his neck (ow), struggles a little to ask if he was the one who wiped out the police squad. Switching stances, and now pulling Shinnosuke’s arm painfully behind his back, Robol just tells him that they need to just give up.

Shinnosuke attempts to go on the offensive, but to no avail. This man is made of solid granite, and seems very dead set on going for Shinnsosuke’s torso, shoulders, and especially his neck with his attacks. Case in point, he at one point grabs Shinnosuke off of the table he’d just been thrown onto, lifting him by the neck before slamming him back down.

He is very visibly having difficulty breathing when Robol then lands a hammer fist onto his chest, with Shinnosuke trying to get his legs around Robol’s neck, but being hurled across the room for his efforts.

Really, after Takeru, Emu, Makoto, Alain, and Hiiro – in that order – Shinnosuke is the next most battered in this movie. Emu’s position being before or after Makoto and Alain is up for debate, because he didn’t pass out, but aside from that factor… Okay, granted, there are only four more riders to include, but given that he’s one of the films Legend Riders, it’s not insignificant.

Emu, Takeru, and Haruto all arrive on scene, and help him to stand. Robol advances-

And someone drops through the ceiling, sending the riders ducking for cover, Robol hurriedly backing up, and the three martial scientists gaping in confusion.

Orange Arms! Hanamichi ON STAGE!

Warhorns and sound effects from 2013 play as Armored Kamen Rider Gaim rises up from his crouch.

It’s Haruto who says his name first – just shouting out “Gaim!”

Shinnosuke looks to be a combination of relieved and surprised.

Emu has zero idea whomst the heck this is.

Takeru is a bit confused, but is probably wondering if this is the guy whose designated enemy had no idea how to use a sword properly.

(For reference, in one of the Ghost special series, Takeru and Makoto fought the ‘final bosses’ of the previous six Riders. Takeru fought Overlord Baron, who uses his sword to try and stab his opponents. When he was Kamen Rider Baron, Kaitou also used his spear to try and slice them. Or bludgeon. It’s hard to say, but he was swinging it like a sword. The one time Kouta used the Banana armor, he used the spear like a spear, so it’s not like Toei wasn’t willing to let the spear be wielded correctly, they just weren’t willing to let its usual owner wield it correctly.)

“Sorry I’m late, guys! Here.” Kouta holds out a very familiar object.

Shinnosuke and his belt grin at each other. Turns out ‘someone’ broke into Krim’s Depression Garage Underground Drive Pit to come get him.

Shinnosuke just sort of smiles, saying that’s a god for you.

Over Gaim’s shoulder, you can just see Emu moving his head to look up at Shinnosuke in disbelief. (Oh, Emu, if only you knew… look, this one is actually a god, okay?)

(Also, I firmly believe that after this movie, Haruto took Shinnosuke aside to ask what that was all about. When he met Gaim, the guy was still a street dancer. Why the heck are you calling him a god?!)

Shinnosuke and Krim are ready for one more ride- and then Robol speaks up, wondering ‘what the heck, are all of them Kamen Riders?!’

Zaizen and Hatena step in, Zaizen holding up his bugvisor to show off the terrified Tougo. He’s evolving him into the Ultimate Lifeform, modifying his human dna to make him immune to disease. It’s the ‘ultimate form of medicine,’ at least, in Zaizen’s view. He also thinks that all of humanity will ultimately follow this path.

Emu staunchly disagrees – he’s not helping Tougo, he’s actively causing him pain, without his consent, very much against his will! Medicine exists to make people smile, and this is not how you are supposed to do that!

The ‘scientists’ response is for the three minions to pull out their proto-gashats and transform, shortly followed by Zaizen.

The four untransformed Riders pull out slash summon their belts.

Haruto puts on his Flame ring, saying it’s time for them to take humanities hope back.

Shinnosuke brings out the Type Speed shift car, saying he won’t let anyone disturb their peace.

Takeru activates his Eyecon, saying that he will connect Akari’s life to the future. He has significant shadows under his eyes that he didn’t have just a few scenes ago.

Emu triggers the Mighty Action X gashat, saying that he’ll change his patients fate with his own hands.

A merciless cacophony of sound effects play as they transform. Oh god, my ears.

It becomes painfully obvious that the reason Shinnosuke leans down so much when he starts to transform is an attempt to draw attention away from how much taller Takeuchi Ryoma is than Taikaiwa Seiji. Unfortunately, it’s a little hard to do that when the movie just had a lineup of the out-of-suit Riders, where Shinnosuke is noticeably taller than everyone else, and Takeru is notably shorter. Then they have a lineup of everyone after transforming, including having Gaim stepping into shot, and everyone is the same height.

“Alright, this is our stage!”

“It’s showtime.”

“Let’s go, Mr. Belt.” “Okay! Start your engine!”

“My life is gonna burn bright!”

“I’ll clear this with no continues!”

The Riders all pose as a team. Shit’s about to get real.

–––

And that’s where I’m stopping for the night. I know full well that the upcoming fights are going to take me a long time to get through, especially since the ‘Ex-Aid Versus Zaizen’ and ‘Ghost Versus Hatena’ fights are ‘kind of important’.

(They’re super important.)

So, seeing as I’m at about… nine pages, and it’s 1 am, I’m calling it here. I’ve got about a half hour of movie left, which I will hopefully be able to get to on my next night off, which is Sunday. I might be able to get two liveblogs out that night, since hopefully we’ll have Zi-O subs relatively quickly.

Key word is might, because who knows how much fangirling and/or raging I may wind up doing for that episode.

With all that said…

See you next game!

#kamen rider ex aid #kamen rider ghost #kamen rider drive #kamen rider wizard #sailorcressy says

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sofreakinmanyfandoms · 7 years ago

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November 12 - Of Royals and Robots

Okay, so I ended up not posting this one until I was ready to post the next one. My cat kept interrupting me for snuggles. Sorry.

Also, I haven’t said this yet, but I’ve been getting all my pictures from a site called Unsplash. They have royalty-free photos that are a lot nicer than most stock photos imo. You can donate to the photographer but you don’t have to.

Word count: 1901

Warnings: Howard is not likable and I know like nothing about science so I totally BS’d this.

Pairing: Tony Stark X Reader (Modern!Royal!AU)

Crown Prince Anthony Stark stood at the top of the steps, waiting for the car to arrive. In just a few minutes, he’d come face to face with the reality of life as he knew it ending.

It wouldn’t have been so bad if Howard hadn’t been so damn excited about it. Tony could handle doing something because it was his duty, but he couldn’t handle his father gloating over something that stripped away his son’s control over his own personal life.

Maria came up behind him and rested her hand on the small of his back.

“How is my Prince doing this afternoon?”

“Hello, Mother.” Tony couldn’t help but smile at the woman who meant so much to him. “I’ll be alright.”

“Which implies that right now, you are not,” she observed with compassion. “I know it’s hard, but maybe you’ll learn to love her.”

“Maybe,” Tony deflected, looking off into the distance yet again.

Any sweetness the moment could have had was destroyed when Howard joined them.

“Ah, such a lovely day for such a lovely occasion,” he declared, hands tucked behind his back and bouncing slightly on the balls of his feet. “Don’t you agree, Anthony?”

“Of course, my King,” his son replied stiffly as he plastered his best fake smile on his face.

Howard continued without even bothering to listen. “The Lady Y/N’s father is quite wealthy and has a title worth coveting. This is a fortuitous alliance for the kingdom. A marvelous occasion indeed!” His hands came forward and rubbed together. “Ah, here comes her transport now. Remember, Anthony, no mention of your foolish hobbies. We wouldn’t want to scare her off with your nonsense before this marriage is official.”

Tony was sure his teeth would crack from how hard he clenched his jaw. “Of course, Sire.”

Conversation was cut off as the car pulled up and you stepped out. Tony felt his breath catch in his throat. As much as he hated the idea of an arranged marriage, he would have to be blind to not see how beautiful you were. The light caught your eyes and they sparkled, your dress highlighting both your figure and your complexion to perfection.

“My good King, Queen, and Prince,” the herald announced, “I present to you Lady Y/N Y/L/N, daughter of the Duke and Duchess of Kline.”

“Your grace,” you said softly, curtsying to the king.

Howard continued to beam with pride as you greeted the family. Maria was courteous and gave you a kind smile, and Tony did his best not to look too pained. Reminding himself that you were being forced into this as much as he was, he took your offered hand and gave it a kiss.

“It is a pleasure to meet you, my lady.”

You blushed and kept your eyes downcast. “I’m sure the pleasure is all mine, my prince.”

“M’lady, my most humble apologies for the interruption,” one of the servants who had accompanied you on your trip came up and bowed, “but we seem to have an extra trunk that we were not expecting?” He pointed to a silver box in the midst of your white luggage.

Your eyes widened and your smile grew upon seeing it. “Oh! Please be careful with that one, it’s rather heavy and very important. I was afraid it wouldn’t make it.”

Tony found himself captivated by the light in your eyes. It was a shame that you’d actually have to get to know him; he’d like to see you smile more often, but was sure all joy would disappear once you found out exactly who you were about to be bound to for the rest of your life.

----------

You looked around the room you had been shown to, the room that was to be yours until the wedding. Dinner wouldn’t be for another three hours, so you had a couple to settle in before you had to get ready. The first thing you did was open the silver trunk, not bothering to suppress your squeal of delight.

Your father had put all your books in that trunk and informed you that you were not allowed to take them with you. What prince would want a bride who reads such things? He had made arrangements to have them burned once you left, but Wanda must have bribed her brother and boyfriend to sneak it in with the rest of your luggage.

On top was your favorite book, “The Elegant Universe” by Brian Greene. Picking it up, you hugged it to your chest as a few tears began to track down your cheeks. Your education, while comprehensive, was limited mostly to the arts, but you found science captivating and had taught yourself as much as you could through books and the internet (although you preferred the feel of paper in your hands so you could mark it up with your notes). Giving up your studies, even if only for a time, had been what you were most regretting about having an arranged marriage.

With a contented sigh you settled against the massive pile of pillows on your bed and opened your current read, “Reality Is Not What It Seems” by Carlo Rovelli. Unpacking could wait; reading would help you relax before really meeting the people who were about to become your family.

----------

Tony tried not to tense up when you arrived for dinner. You were every bit as stunning as you had been upon your arrival, and he felt more than a little awkward as he pulled out your chair for you and took his seat across the dining room table. Fortunately for him, his father was perfectly willing to carry the conversation.

“Lady Y/N, I hope your accommodations are to your liking?” the king asked you.

“Oh, yes, sire,” you answered softly, your cheeks lit up with a slight flush. “The room is beautiful, especially the color scheme.”

“The queen decorated it herself, didn’t you, my dear?” There was no mistaking the pride in Howard’s voice at your approval.

Maria nodded and continued to fix you with her kind smile. “I did, but please feel free to make it your own in any way. If there’s anything you would like to change, you are more than welcome to.”

You hesitated for a moment before asking, “Would it be possible to have a bookshelf added?”

“Of course, dear!” Maria’s face lit up at the request. “You read?”

“As often as I can,” you admitted, “without interfering with my duties, of course.”

“It’s wonderful for a young lady to be well-read,” Howard declared, and Tony had to fight back an eye roll. “What is your favorite book?”

“Surely your majesty has more important things to think about than what I enjoy reading.” That blush was back, and darker than before. Tony found himself curious that the topic of reading should bring it out.

“Nonsense! You are to be family; anything you enjoy is important.”

Tony choked on his wine, apologizing quickly and clearing his throat. That was the biggest lie he’d ever heard Howard tell, and that was saying something.

“If you’re sure, your majesty…”

“Of course I’m sure.” Howard quickly cut short his glare at Tony to smile back at you.

You nodded. “My favorite is ‘The Elegant Universe’ by Brian Greene.”

Now that, Tony wasn’t expecting. This was a conversation to which he could contribute.

“I take it you agree with his assessment of the theory’s shortcomings, then?”

The surprise that flashed across your face quickly changed to delight. “For the most part, yes. While a beautiful theory, it is still a theory and all flaws must be explored until the day comes when it can be tested.”

“But what about…”

Conversation revolved around string and superstring theory for the rest of dinner, the two of you bouncing facts and opinions off each other. You were both so wrapped up in enjoying the conversation that you missed the soft looks Maria gave you both and the only moderately-veiled displeasure on Howard’s face.

----------

You took your betrothed’s arm for a stroll about the garden, an activity his mother had suggested so the two of you could further get to know each other. While the conversation had flowed easily enough during dinner, the first few minutes were spent walking in silence until you finally spoke up.

“Now that you know my rather unconventional hobbies, may I enquire as to what you enjoy in your free time? Do you study science as well?”

“Robotics, currently,” he replied with a small smile. “I’ve got one fully-developed bot and I’m training my second. But I’ve studied most scientific fields to some degree.”

You paused. “You built your own robots?”

“I mean, they’re not that great.” Suddenly he’s a blushing mess. “Just one-armed claw bots. They help with tools and fire safety and stuff.”

“My prince, that’s amazing!” You silenced his embarrassed ramble before it could get too far. “Can I see them?”

“You’d…you’d really want to?”

“Of course,” you said, beaming at him. “I’d love to.”

----------

Tony almost couldn’t take it in. You were playing fetch with DUM-E and YOU while he started on his third bot, BUTTERFINGERS. No one ever wanted to spend time with him in his lab before, much less someone who loved science like he did.

It had taken all of five minutes in the lab for the two of you to agree that formalities were not going to work. He told you to call him Tony and you told him to call you Y/N/N, after which you both relaxed a good bit.

“Sorry, baby, that’s all for now. Stop, that! We’ll play again later, I promise.”

He found himself completely distracted from… what had he been doing again? Oh, right, building a robot. He found himself completely distracted from building his robot as you petted his completed bots and talked to them like they were alive. No one had ever done that before, not even Jarvis back when he was alive, and to Tony’s surprise he found himself about to cry.

“What part are you working on now?” you asked as you joined him by his workbench. “Tony, are you all right?”

“How are you so perfect?” The question was out before he could filter it, and he felt a need to elaborate. “You like my bots, you love science, you’re so beautiful… I’m dreaming, right? Any moment now I’m gonna wake up and there will be this ugly, cranky witch here to marry me and I’m never going to be happy again because I got a glimpse of someone perfect and nothing could ever compare to that, ever.”

Your cheeks were lit with a soft pink as you leaned in and brushed a light kiss against his mouth.

“Does that feel like a dream?” you whispered.

“No. Thank God.” And with that he leaned back in and your mouths were devouring each other, pouring all your relief and joy at finding each other into the kiss, clutching desperately to each other as if it would all disappear if you let go.

----------

The next day, the kingdom was introduced to the future princess. All anyone could talk about after the announcement was how the prince had stared at his bride-to-be as though she’d hung the stars.

I can do this, Tony thought. I can love her. I really can.

#30 days of avengers one shots #tony stark #tony stark x reader #reader #x reader #au #royal!au #modern!au #tony stark needs a hug #i hate howard #maria is okay #the bots are always wonderful #fic #fanfic #fanfiction #masterlist #i still suck at tagging #and i need a hand massage

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moistwithgender · 6 years ago

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(Overdue) Media round-up (January 2019)

Feb’s almost over and I was gonna write about what I’ve processed when I realized I only posted about the anime I watched, I think? So this is a catch-up post for manga and games, before the end of this month in a few days. If you want to read the January anime round-up, it’s in my “curry watches anime” tag.

Games:

Puresabe’s 2019 New Year Rockman Hack (NES): Puresabe does one of these every year and they are always pretty hard! But I think the last few years have been much more balanced than their older projects. They are always just boss fights, but with complex patterns and sometimes multiple phases. Being just a boss fight (or two) means they are super short, but you will spend most of your time learning them. Also there are no checkpoints, so every death means you’re back to phase one. It’s very fun when it’s a good hack, and this was a good hack. I had a very rough start to the year and considered giving up, but went back and beat it, for good fortune in the new year. (Beaten 1/2/19)

The 2nd Super Robot Wars (NES): I decided 2019 would be the year I got into SRW, and so I started here, because the first game actually has no hard plot. I enjoyed it to a point, but the difficulty climbs to an absurd degree, and I wish I’d cut my losses and just youtubed it. The game allows you to save at any time during a turn, and resetting the console means it recycles the RNG and you can get different luck. This is...required. Most of the way into the game, I was having to reset twenty times in a row per unit action, just to make sure I could survive an enemy attack, or successfully hit an enemy. The funniest thing is that when I finally beat this, I almost immediately started up one of the later games, so clearly the kernel of value was visible to me through all that bullshit. (Beaten 1/13/19)

Super Smash Bros. Ultimate: World of Light (Switch): I had been chomping at the bit for what felt like forever just to play this mode of this game, and not only was it good, it surpassed my expectations multiple times. This mode has a lot of twists for something that mostly implies narrative, or otherwise ignores it. I’m the rare person who mostly plays Smash Bros solo because I have NO FRIENDS, and this was worth the price of admission for me. I don’t consider Smash Ultimate itself beaten yet because I haven’t beaten Classic Mode on 9.9 difficulty yet. I have finished with 9.8, like, four times. Please kill me. (Beaten 1/18/19)

PaRappa the Rapper (PSP): While taking care of my cat, I found an opportunity to actually use my PSP for the first time since...2008 or 09? When I bought it secondhand? Jesus. Anyway, it turns out that PaRappa actually has absurd input detection and an equally hard to parse system for what counts as “freestyling”, which ultimately results in a final stage where you’re...required to play notes that are completely unrelated to what it says to do on-screen? I still beat the game (in a single sitting, too. it’s short), but I was pretty frustrated. Greenblat’s aesthetic is iconic, and the songs are very fun to listen to (this game has maybe the only potty humor I actually enjoyed), but the game part is actually the problem. (Beaten 1/25/19)

Patapon (PSP): I played PaRappa spontaneously, but I’ve actually meant to play the Patapon series for quite a while. This is less a song-performing rhythm game and more of an action/strategy type of rhythm game where you consistently keep a beat to keep morale up. It’s pretty good, but missions can be 3-6 minutes of consecutively hitting four notes and then waiting four notes, and while that itself sounds doable, I am just terrible at rhythm and messed up a lot of good opportunities. The difficulty curve in this is high in the beginning, lowers over time, before hitting a huge spike and then being a cakewalk for the last four or so missions. There’s also a lot of grinding, which means this rhythm game came out to almost a 16 hour run. A bit tiring. Not sure when I’ll jump on Patapon 2, but I hope it’s easier to play, since my impetus for picking up the series was the intro FMV for the third game. (Beaten 1/30/19)

Games beaten in January: 5 Games beaten in 2019 thus far: 5

Manga:

Getter Robo Vol 2 (Finished): I didn’t feel like plowing through 51 episodes of the old 70s anime, so I decided to just read the much shorter, and somewhat unrelated manga. In the show, the heroes are what they are, heroes. Likable mains for kids to watch on Saturday mornings. In the manga, as per Go Nagai’s influence (and the main author, Ken Ishikawa, who I LOVE and who was Nagai’s assistant), the heroes are violent asshole moron sociopath terrorists who gradually become more unhinged as they are exposed to the very radiation that powers the machine they use to fight dinosaurs (though said gradual descent is more of a thing in the later manga/OVAs). Also, the villains are dinosaurs. Turns out they had the original ancient civilization and Getter Rays chased them into the Earth’s core and they want to planet back. That’s Getter Robo! It’s very good.

Getter Robo G Vol 1-3 (Finished): This is kind of more of the same as the first, and again, I didn’t want to watch the 39 episodes, I wanted the primer so I could play SRW. As I’ve approached the later games, it turns out they prefer to take influence from the shows, not the manga. Oops! Whatever. In this sequel, it turns out the Dinosaur Empire was a pawn or something to It Was Aliens, the Hyakki Empire, and it’s...more of the same. In both the GR and GR G mangas, I found the occasional chapter with wildly different art, and I figured that those were Ishikawa’s gorgeous art, and the majority was Nagai’s. But, I’m not sure, and I wonder if those were revised or extra chapters done years later. Idk. Anyway, they are both very fun reads, even if they serve more as primers of the lore.

Shin Getter Robo Vol 1-2 (Finished): HERE’s where things start to get really good, and surreal, and bleak. This manga is not adapting a tv series (though later OVAs would reference it. This manga is actually I think where a lot of the inspiration for Gurren Lagann came from, and if you like that series, you should read this to see the connection. I can’t really explain without spoiling either (though if in 2019 you don’t know what happens in Gurren, you are super lucky and need to go watch it all asap). NOTE, this takes place after the 7 volume Getter Robo Go manga, which has a show but I think is unrelated, but more importantly is probably the BEST Getter Robo series. I read that before knowing a thing about Getter and still loved it (though I think having context will really benefit it). GR Go is the biggest justification for getting into the series. If any friends of mine want to look into this series, I’ll actually help give them a guide. Interestingly, the most modern Getter series (of which the most recent was in 2004 (please come back)) all take reference from the darker mangas, not the old 70s show.

Mazinger Z Vol 1-5 (Finished): I think Go Nagai’s works are weird, melodramatic, gross, and just kinda badly drawn. They are great experiences, if you go in with a grain of salt and also avoid the *most* transgressive ones. Don’t google Iron Virgin Jun. Just. Don’t do it. Devilman is probably his best work, but Mazinger Z is another series with a much more famous long-running 70s cartoon (92 episodes!!!) and burned itself into the nostalgia of Japan. Whereas Devilman eventually becomes traumatizing, Mazinger Z is pretty laid back and goofy, while also being Nagai’s brand of The Most Dramatic Thing Ever. If you follow me, you might’ve seen me post pages in my manga tag. It’s a LOT. Though, actually, I don’t think this manga is all that great. It can be *really* funny, but I don’t even remember if the series actually ends. If you read one or two volumes and want to put it down, I think you’re safe to. You got most of the lore. The biggest events seem to take place in later series that I haven’t delved into yet.

UFO Robo Grendizer Vol 1 (Finished): I actually haven’t been able to find anywhere to read Great Mazinger, the sequel series, so I skipped to Grendizer, which is the second sequel. It’s pretty unrelated continuity-wise, so it’s easy to pick up. This is only one volume and yeah they really just want you to watch the 74 episode show, but I’m good. Still, this is a fun book, and Nagai throws in his batshit ideas. The main character is an alien prince whose tragic backstory is literally that the villain kidnapped his younger siblings and all the country’s children and just! Dropped them all from the sky to their death in the middle of the city! And they don’t censor it! GO NAGAI! I really need to read the autobio manga Gekiman because of what snippets I’ve seen, Nagai is actually a super mild-mannered dude who doesn’t really get where his ideas cross lines. If you want to say “oh that’s just wacky Japan”, it’s really not, he was public enemy #1 with parents all over the country for a long time.

Super Robot Retsuden Vol 1 (Finished): This is a single volume crossover of Nagai super robot IPs including Mazinger Z, Getter Robo, Great Mazinger, Grendizer, and Steel Jeeg (a guy who’s more Ultraman-adjacent than super robot), and there’s no real plot beyond “oh no new bad guy! buy the toys, kids!” It’s throwaway, and I mostly read it to see who Jeeg is without getting into his own series. Also, it was drawn by Ishikawa, so I felt a bit obligated. His art is just so pretty.

Lucifer and the Biscuit Hammer Vol 1 (and maybe 2?): Satoshi Mizukami is a godly storyteller who uses the language of shonen to tell deeply mature and introspective stories for adults and if you follow my posts you might remember me gushing about Spirit Circle and Planet With. I actually haven’t touched this series since February started but I need to get back in because the first two volumes out of ten are amazing (warning, though: there’s a pet death and it’s real sudden and was hard for me to handle). Please read Mizukami’s works.

Manga volumes read in January: 14-15 Manga volumes read in 2019 thus far: 14-15

---

Okay that’s everything. I wrote a lot more than I expected to. If you read all that, thanks. If you are interested in any of the things I wrote about, great! If you decide to play through SRW2, don’t, stop, don’t do that. In a few days I’ll be writing about a much better SRW game.

#curry plays games #curry reads manga

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baekhyuns-abs · 7 years ago

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Electric Seduction; Prologue

Well hello beauties. This is a short intro to set the premise of the story and to introduce you to the setting and the main OC. Feel free to let me know your thoughts and ideas honeys. I’m still in the early stages of planning so none of my ideas are set in stone so you never know, you can inspire me :3 x No content warnings

The rain was unforgiving as it belted down, soaking everything in its path. Automatic rain shields had been triggered seconds after the storm started, covering most of the streets, protecting those unfortunate to be out in such weather. They spread across the roads, creating a transparent sheet over the roads and the pavements keeping everything dry. But in her misfortune she had come to an area without a rain shield over her head. “Would you like some assistance?” She whirled around where she stood, her wet red hair flicking droplets of water onto the man’s face. Well, he looked like a man, he had the face, the voice, the build of a man but the reality was different. Inside of him were machines - man made machines - programs that wired him to speak and act like a man - like a human. He was an older model, she could tell from the glassy look of his eyes, the artificial look in them and the way he was dressed. She frowned at him slightly, shaking her head. “No, thank you.” She turned back to the map in hopes that he would disperse, leave her be. “You’re wet, I can assist you.” He insisted, his voice was level, it was devoid of emotion and it was nails on a chalkboard. “I’m quite fine.” She snarled at him. She pushed him away as he came towards her and he stumbled backwards. She watched with detest as he apologised and walked on away from her. Her luggage at her feet getting wetter by the minute and her ginger cat meowing like a stuck record in his cage didn’t make matters easier. She turned back to the large screen in front of her that displayed a map of the city - her new city. She had a dry apartment waiting for her in the outskirts - the further away from civilisation, the better. She was moving, she felt like she had no choice in the matter, a new survey had been conducted revealing humanity in her old city had dropped to 17%. She couldn’t bare to be in a place run by the things she so deeply despised. Everywhere she went she was the minority, everyone she had come to know was a piece of metal and synthetic skin, nothing was truly real anymore. She raised her hand back to the monitor and zoomed in with her fingers onto her path muttering the directions to herself, remembering them. She resumed her soaking wet journey with her suitcase and cat in tow, hoping that soon she would be in the comfort of their new home. She cursed herself for not bringing a rain jacket, she could feel the chill sinking into her bones the water drenching her olive skin. She hurried along the long road, pleased that she was somewhat on the right track. ~~~ She couldn’t help the feeling of warm comfort that spread through her body at the realisation that the woman at reception was indeed a real woman. They exchanged smiles, her luggage being carted off by someone who unfortunately wasn’t human, Nacho in his cage staring ‘on guard’ at the stranger who whisked him away. Once presented with her new apartment key card she made her way to the elevators. She couldn’t wait to settle in, cuddle and dry her cat in the privacy of her new home. She prayed she had a bath, she felt like she deserved one. As she reached for the button her daze was broken by a male voice hesitantly calling out her name. She turned around and a man was padding over to her cautiously. “Daughter of Ron Bridges?” He continued She couldn’t help but nod at the familiality of the name, despite how out of touch she was with her father. He removed his hat, revealing his heavily lined middle aged face and receding hairline - human. “Would you mind letting me up with you for a chat?” He was timid, speaking to her with a very soft voice. “It’s not a convenient time.” She replied with slight hostility, he may know who she was but she had never seen this man in her life. “I’m afraid, for news like this there never is a convenient time.” There was a tone in his voice, a tone of underlying sadness. She stared at him, unable to ignore the heaviness in her heart. “Who are you?” “I’m your father’s solicitor.” She gulped, her world slowing down. The wetness of her hair didn’t seem too much of a big deal anymore. She nodded finally, pressing the elevator button waiting for her ride up. “Give me 10 minutes and then I’ll buzz you up.” She hoped that was the right terminology. “I’d like to get out of my wet clothes.” She had never lived in an apartment building. She house shared - though it was rare to live in a house with all the advances in technology and the rise of the cyborg population as well as humans it was easier to live in apartments. The man nodded and she stepped inside the elevator. It was a long ride up, more to do with how her mind raced with jumbled thoughts and feelings. She reached her floor when the doors pinged open she started in the direction the small arrow pointed her in, directing the right way to her apartment. Not long before she had been excited to open the door to what she hoped would be a new fresh start but the man downstairs had taken that away from her. She fumbled with her keycard before hovering it over the red light of the reader. She opened the door after the light turned green, not expecting her cat to come scurrying to her feet. She gasped held her leg out to stop him running free through the hall. “Who let you out?” She mused as she closed the door securely behind her. She walked through an extravagant kitchen, a small living space with sofas, the windows floor to ceiling with a grey tint that offered privacy from air traffic. She picked up Nacho, hugging his body to her chest as she walked through her new home. A spiral staircase at the side of the room spiked her curiosity and couldn’t stop herself from exploring. Upstairs was a grand, plush king bed she was lucky to have scored after being told she was fortunate to be upgraded for less rent. There was a dim pink haze over the bedroom from the interchangeable lights on the ceiling. The bedroom was long, opening up to a living area with bright green sofas and a TV that was 4 foot wide embedded into the wall. Next to it was a balcony with a retractable security shield around the entire structure, she needed one for her Nacho so he was safe to explore without her supervision. She put him down on the plush black carpet, regretting her choice of colour considering his bright shade of fur. She baited her excitement as she passed her suitcase on her floor as she padded to what looked to be her bathroom. She inspected herself in the mirror and she sighed. Her red hair a mass of messy curls on her crown would take more than just a simple pat down. She found her intercom, readying herself for some gravitating news from the mysterious solicitor. She hadn’t spoken to her father all that much, they sent each other birthday wishes, that was as far as it went. She moved out when she was eligible, the resentment she had for her robotic step mother becoming too much to handle. The resentment she had for her father owning countless cyborgs to work for him even as servants became too much. She couldn’t hate him as she tried, but they had to live with their differences. She found Nacho’s food and water bowls in her suitcase and placed them on the shielded balcony for him to eat and drink from. Along with one of his many beds and scratching posts to help him settle, with that done she moved downstairs to accompany the patient solicitor. “Your father passed away a few days ago.” She had expected the words, she had prepared herself to hear them but when they were there, when they were out dangling on thin strings in the air she realised she wasn’t prepared at all. She took a long breath, her fingers picking at the smooth artificial leather of her new furniture. A cascade of emotions hit her all at once. “Wha-- Uh.” She cleared her throat, feeling it close with emotion as she tried to hold herself together in front of the stranger. “How?” He looked somewhat surprised at her composure but she thought grimly that he should know as her father’s solicitor that they didn’t have the typical father and daughter dynamic. He placed his briefcase on the oval glass coffee table in front of them. “Undiagnosed liver cancer they believe.” She bit her top lip, pulling it into her mouth as her knuckles whitened in her lap as she fisted her fingers together. She tried to breathe steadily through her nose as her whole body twinged with sorrow. “And what of his wife?” She asked, her voice cold. “She gives you her best wishes and hopes you’ll be at the funeral on Thursday.” Hope? She felt bitter at the word, implying her cyborg of a step mum could be capable at feeling anything besides high class seduction programs. She was a highly recommended sex cyborg that was gifted in areas of human pleasure and her father had sought to marry her when her mother went astray with her own affair. Both of her parents disgusted her. “I have his will and testament with me.” He said next, feeling like it was okay to carry on with her tense silence. “I don’t want anything.” She quickly snapped. What he said, the motion of her father’s will made it real. It was too much. She wiped away the evidence of her loss of her emotions as quickly as she could as her tears flew down her cheeks. “He’s left you with money.” He began, ignoring her outburst with a sad smile. “The house has been left to his widowed wife. He’s also left you with some property.” “Give it to her.” She snarled, referring to her step mother. “She can have it all.” The solicitor paused, looking up from his files with a sigh. She wiped her face as he stared at her with pity. “The property your father had by law cannot be passed on to her even if he wished it to. As she is a robotic, she can’t own other cyborgs.” “Robots?” She repeated with disbelief. “I thought you said he had property?” “His property is a cyborg, Miss.” She felt a chill rip through her body. “So, what I own a bunch of robots now? Is that what you’re telling me?” “Just one.”

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satireknight · 8 years ago

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TMNT S02E01 - Return of the Shredder

I’m gonna get this out of the way now: the rest of the 1987 series is not as beautifully animated as the first five episodes, and the stories don’t tend to have many arcs or other such things that I tended to praise in the first season. But I’m not gonna bitch about those things, because it’s the norm and shouldn’t constantly be negatively judged by the highest points.

Anyway, this episode opens an unspecified amount of time after the last one, with Michelangelo and Leonardo shopping for groceries and squabbling about what toppings they’re buying.

I know we’re meant to suspend our disbelief about nobody on the planet being able to notice what they look like under their trenchcoats, but... come on.

Just then somebody robs the checkout counter, so they decide to intervene, and.... why is Leonardo wearing a jacket under his coat?

The one part of his body he decides to hide... is the one part nobody can see anyway because of the coat? I just don’t get it.

Anyway, they whip the robbers using grocery products (a lot of them) and tie them up with a store sign, and are allowed to leave with a free shopping cart full of groceries. I think the store might want the cart back, though. They’re remarkably expensive.

It must be a slow day, because April is covering a thwarted robbery at a grocery store.

This episode also solidifies the supporting cast at Channel 6, by introducing April’s receptionist friend Irma, who is kind of dim and man-hungry; April’s douchebag boss Burne, who is a douchebag who lets his way-younger girlfriend influence his news work; and Vernon, who turns from just kinda sleazy to a full-on oily misogynist prick.

We then switch back to the Technodrome in Dimension X, where Shredder has donned his Whiny Little Bitch Hat and has apparently been pestering Krang to send him back to Earth about half as hard as Krang pestered him for a body. So Krang sends him back, apparently just to get some peace and quiet.

And Splinter apparently gets a premonition about this while the Turtles are busy infodumping each other about stuff they already know. You know, as people are wont to do.

Is it just me, or does that strapping look like it’s coming loose?

Anyway, Shredder gets kinda pissed off when he comes back, first because he was inconvenienced by some muggers, and secondly because he doesn’t have a small army of followers there to back him up. Krang’s attitude is that he can have some backup if he actually manages to accomplish something like killing his enemies. I assume Krang is going to spend his infinite time taking over something in his own dimension.

“Of course, I’m in the Big Apple.” I sometimes wonder if anyplace else exists in this series, to be honest.

Apparently that armor is made out of adamantium too, if a single punch can severe a branch as thick as a man’s torso.

So he does what any respectable villain would do: heads to a crappy run-down martial-arts dojo filled with flabby white guys who couldn’t throw a good punch with a catapult. The most notable thing about it is that the schmuck in charge is voiced by none other than Optimus Prime. I’m not even kidding.

And they highlight what wusses they are by immediately joining him when he destroys a punching bag. Imagine if Megatron had done that.

So in the course of maybe an afternoon, Shredder has managed to whip all the losers into semi-competent martial artists... which really highlights that his talents are wasted as a supervillain. Hell, if he just got enough disaffected people together for a few weeks, he could train an actual army.

And his brilliant scheme? He’s going to have them dress up in Turtle-themed T-shirts and paper bag masks, and have them commit crimes in order to wreck the Turtles’ good name.

I gotta say, this is a step down in writing. I guess if wearing a trenchcoat can disguise every single part of your body, from the shape to the color, then it’s not too implausible that all these incredibly nearsighted people would be incapable of telling actual turtles apart from guys in T-shirts.

But it’s really just such a silly idea for a villain to come up with, especially when the whole idea is “they’ll have to surface to clear their name, despite having spent their whole lives up to this point in hiding.” Even the voice of Peter Cullen can’t make this whole scheme seem anything but silly.

And I think Krang agrees with me, because he just yells, “You call that a plan?” and tells Shredder to stop calling him until he’s actually done something. I like to think he’s prepping for a planetary invasion or something interesting like that, and he’s annoyed that Shredder is constantly pestering him.

So Shredder decides to get some quality help... at the nuthouse. No, seriously.

And now suddenly I’m having visions of a Monty Python skit involving a lot of overacting.

So yes, he’s come there to break out Baxter Stockman, who has apparently been wearing the same clothes for quite some time now. Why? Because if at first you completely fail to kill a giant rat, try try again... using the same designer. So Baxter latches onto the first piece of construction equipment he sees and plans to rework it.

“... not a rat in this city will be safe!” Um, technically that was also what was supposed to be true of your Mousers, and just look what happened there.

April is also stressing out because of the robbers masquerading as the Turtles, which pretty much everybody is assuming are the actual Turtles because... people are kinda stupid. And instead of just making a copy of the tape and bringing it to the Turtles, she insists that they come to the Channel 6 building... and risk getting caught by hostile people. She didn’t think this through, I think.

Then again, they decided to bring their giant blimp with the word “Turtles” on the side. Apparently they aren’t that worried about being seen.

And even though the video only has one guy doing a single martial-arts move (kicking open a door), Leonardo is able to discern the guy’s fighting style instantly, figuring out that Shredder must have taught him. Because apparently the Foot Clan has only two members.

And then they’re chased out by the shrill voice of Burne’s girlfriend, which can double as a torture device.

“And what exactly are you doing here?” “Tell her, snookums...” Um... did the show just imply that Burne is having sex with his girlfriend at work? Talk about getting crap past the radar!

And for the second time in as many weeks, Splinter is chased down by chompy robots made by Baxter Stockman. He must be having so much deja vu.

I’m starting to wonder if they keep repairing these walls between episodes. Also, this means that Baxter knows where they live... even though Shredder spends most of the series trying to figure that out. Oops.

The Turtles obviously notice that something smashed down the wall and kidnapped their sensei, so they follow the trail and... end up in a hole barely big enough to crawl through.

I’m going to guess and say that that was not where the construction equipment came up.

But oh no, Peter Cullen and the Pasty Guys are waiting for them there... and it’s not the most suspenseful fight in the world, because I think we can guess which team is going to be triumphant: the super-strong ninjas, or the schmucks who literally only learned to fight the previous day.

One thing that becomes more obvious is that there was probably some censorship issues that came up with the series, because the fights are a lot less weapon-based and brutal, and more about using otherwise-harmless surroundings to disarm and immobilize. Like sofa springs or tires.

Leonardo seems oddly cheerful.

“He left you a message... right there.” Yes, he left you a message on a large easily-seen wall, which somehow none of you saw before.

So Shredder, having finally gotten ahold of the guy he’s spent years trying to murder, decides to outright murder him before the Turtles even show up. Nah, I’m kidding. He goes Bond villain and arranges Splinter in an easily-thwarted, overly-elaborate death trap.

And now I’m having traumatic Dennis McKiernan flashbacks. Also, where did he even find a giant fist-shaped battering ram?

I’m also not confident that the Turtles couldn’t stop it, considering what we’ve seen them do before. I mean, Donatello tore the side off a van with his bare hands with little visible effort. Are we really gonna assume that the four of them couldn’t do something about this?

But then Baxter busts in for... some reason. I think he just wants to show off his construction-equipment invention.

Also, he seems to have gone round the bend a little. I guess living in the loony bin will do that for you.

Fortunately for Splinter, the battering ram takes several seconds to actually move forward, so the Leonardo is able to free him pretty quickly because... he has swords. And the ratcatching machine gets smashed instead.

And Shredder does something that will soon become very familiar to anyone who sees this series: he loudly proclaims that sure, they’ve won, but he’s totally going to kill them some other day, followed by him scampering off into the distance with his bruised ego.

So the Turtles head home... the compromised home that Baxter apparently knows the location of. April turns up and is apparently confident that some incredibly crappy dojo being destroyed is a wonderful story. No, I’m not sure how. But her report does highlight that the criminal “Turtles” are some schmucks in costumes, which pisses off Burne’s girlfriend.

And if we need further proof that the Turtles are starved for any kind of feminine attention, they start debating over which one of them April was winking at on the news.

Seriously, they need to actually make the acquaintance of more than one woman.

And then she says, “If you must know, I was winking at... Splinter.”

Wait... does that mean she can see them through the TV set? Or are they just so predictable that she knows how they’ll react to any kind of positive attention, and she had the camera people just keep filming her staring blankly for several seconds before she said that?

Look at Splinter’s smile. He’s loving it.

Verdict:

So, obviously this episode was a step down on all accounts compared to the first season, but even taken on average from the rest of the series, it’s pretty mediocre. Mostly that’s because so much time is spent on the Crooked Ninja Turtle Gang, who are basically disposable mooks that Shredder openly admits aren’t actually more than a distraction. And yes, it irks me that Baxter found their lair, but there’s no real consequences for it.

And in case you’re wondering, no, Peter Cullen doesn’t really add anything except me wishing that Optimus Prime would show up.

It does set up something of the model for how the series would unfold after this, with Shredder developing schemes and plans that would never work the way he intended, and usually being sent scuttling away by the end of the episode. Not to mention the Turtles being more public figures that are recognizable by most people, and the dynamic created at Channel 6.

I do love Krang’s approach to everything in this episode, repeatedly telling Shredder that he can fuck off and stop bothering him. He really doesn’t have any reason to help out if you think about it - he’s gotten back to his home dimension, which he was banished from, and he has all the technology and resources on his side.

It’s not profoundly bad or anything, but it has a distinct lack of good.

Grade: C

#tmnt #tmnt 1987 #teenage mutant ninja turtles #satireknight

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allofbeercom · 7 years ago

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5 Recent Movies (You Never Realized Were Completely Insane)

Nobody expects every movie to be great. For every Steven Spielberg, there’s a Tommy Wiseau. For every Ridley Scott, there’s, uh, well, another Ridley Scott. No self-respecting person has the time or inclination to watch everything Hollywood craps out, so it’s quite possible that you don’t know how bad some recent movies turned out to be. Luckily for you, we have no self-respect, so let us satiate your morbid curiosity by telling you all about this year’s most baffling cinematic turds (so far). SPOILERS AHEAD!

Folks, Tom Cruise Was The Real Mummy ALL ALONG

Tom Cruise played Jerry Maguire in Jerry Maguire, Jack Reacher in Jack Reacher, and someone who was born on the 4th of July in Born On The Fourth Of July. Guess who he plays in The Mummy. Go on, guess.

At first, Cruise’s character is your average U.S. Army sergeant in Iraq who seduces archaeologists to steal their maps and search for treasure. Early on, he gets into a fight with some alleged insurgents he happened to run into and orders a goddamn air strike on them — the military equivalent of asking your brother to finish the level for you.

Universal Pictures Instead of bombs, they dropped copies of the script.

Fortunately, we don’t have much time to mull over the ethical implications of all this, because the strike accidentally uncovers an ancient tomb:

Universal Pictures And like all ancient tombs in movies, it’s shaped like Clint Eastwood’s scowling face.

Cruise, the guy from New Girl, and the woman whose map he stole with his penis are sent in to investigate. They discover an ancient mummy, but more importantly, the archaeologist lets us know that Cruise sucks in bed (and not in the good sense). As they’re flying the Mummy back to England, after long stretches of dialogue about sexual inadequacy, the plane crashes and Tom Cruise fucking dies.

Unfortunately, the movie doesn’t end there — Cruise soon wakes up in a body bag, either because of the Mummy’s magic or some kind of weird loophole in Dianetics.

Universal Pictures If you told us Tom Cruise sleeps inside a plastic bag at home every day, we’d fully believe it.

A moment later, Cruise’s friend and two doctors walk in, and everyone’s biggest concern is that they can see the dick of this guy who just cheated death itself. Anyway, the Mummy ends up getting captured midway through the movie, a plot development that probably feels familiar to anyone who wasn’t in a coma between 2008 and now:

At one point we also meet Russell Crowe, who plays Dr. Jekyll. As in the Dr. Jekyll, the one who turns into the villainous Mr. Hyde. Presumably Hyde is the one who smacks hotel clerks with phones and insists on singing in public.

The third act then finds an army of corpses rising and attacking the city — though taking into consideration how Tom Cruise is in his 50s but has jet-black hair, works out like crazy, and spends most of this movie talking about how he boned someone more than 20 years younger than him, the sight of him fleeing a sea of rotting bodies ravaged by time accidentally becomes a powerful metaphor.

Then in the very end, Tom Cruise basically lets the Mummy win and use him as the host body for the god of death — but then he uses his new powers to kill her. So yes, Cruise now has ancient mummy powers, and will possibly develop an affinity for wearing toilet paper all over his body in the next movie he shows up in.

Did You Know Harriet Tubman Knew The Transformers?

It’s no secret that the Transformers series is basically the cinematic equivalent of watching a Monster Energy Drink in a paint shaker. Hell, the last movie found Mark Wahlberg guzzling a flaming bottle of Bud Light like that’s a normal thing to do. Even with the bar so low (and presumably on fire), Transformers: The Last Knight is maddeningly awful.

For starters, the story is an obvious attempt to smoosh together a bunch of popular TV shows into a Transformers movie. It opens with a dragon Transformer helping King Arthur, who’s seemingly engaged in some kind of game, for some kind of throne …

After a jarring time jump, we meet a scrappy gang of kids seemingly played by the Stranger Things kids’ stunt doubles:

What was that other big TV show from last year? Oh yeah, Westworld. Cue Anthony Hopkins delivering a bunch of nonsensical exposition about robots, which is apparently his jam now.

Here’s where the wheels really come off before they can retract and turn into a dinosaur. Hopkins explains that he is the only remaining member of a secret society that protects the secret history of the Transformers on Earth. It turns out that these giant-ass talking vehicles were present for many famous historical milestones. We just … forgot about them? Didn’t notice?

Members of the Society of Transformer Pals included Einstein, da Vinci, Shakespeare, and Stephen Hawking (who, by the way, is still alive, movie). Also a member? Harriet Tubman. That’s right, this movie is implying that Transformers helped the Underground Railroad. Which people have pointed out is a) insane, and b) you’d think giant weaponized robots could have done a touch more to help the slaves. At least the movie doesn’t raise the question of why the Transformers didn’t stop the Holocaust or some-

There Was A Movie About The Guy From Avatar Hanging Out With God In A Shack

Sam Worthington stars in The Shack, a movie adaptation of the best-selling Christian inspirational novel. The movie starts in the past, where we see our main character, Mack, and his mother being abused by his alcoholic dad. So naturally, Mack pours strychnine in his dad’s booze, probably murdering him, though it’s hard to say because this is never mentioned again.

Flash-forward to Mack all grown up and Sam-Worthington-like. But his life is still beset by tragedy, as his youngest daughter is kidnapped and murdered by a serial killer (!!!) during a camping trip. They never find her body, but Mack is told she was killed in a remote shack (a place the B52s would never in their right minds sing about). That winter, a distraught Mack receives a mysterious note inviting him to the shack, signed “Papa” — which is his wife’s nickname for God, not an implication that Ernest Hemingway is penning creepy notes from beyond the grave.

Thinking this might be his daughter’s killer, a gun-toting Mack accepts the invitation and heads up to the abandoned cabin, which sadly contains no chainsaws or Necronomicons. Instead, it magically (or I guess spiritually, since Christians don’t like magic) transforms into a cozy cottage straight out of a beer commercial. Even weirder, it’s now home to Octavia Spencer, who immediately says that she’s God. Also there are a flannel-clad Jesus and an Asian lady who’s apparently the Holy Spirit. Yeah, it’s the Holy Trinity, chilling out and enjoying their Carlsberg years.

Through a series of painfully long conversations, they convince Mack not to give up on his faith, embrace life, and maybe spruce up his living room with some Crate & Barrel chairs and assorted Martha Stewart bullshit. Jesus casually walks on water:

God listens to an iPod, for some reason:

And they show Mack a whole bunch of psychedelic ghosts out in a pasture, like Field Of Dreams mixed with Tron mixed with MDMA. Even more like Field Of Dreams, one of the ghosts is Mack’s dad. Who, if you’ll remember, was a real piece of shit. Mack hugs him, obviously.

In the end, God shows Mack where his daughter’s body was hidden, and they have a funeral for her. Which is nice and all, but maybe it would have been even nicer if, you know, his wife were there too? Or his kids? Hey, God, why is this one dude the only one who gets some damn closure?

iBoy: Netflix’s Weird-Ass Superhero Movie

While it sounds like a movie about Steve Jobs’ prepubescent years, iBoy is actually a Netflix production starring Arya Stark and … umm, some guy who knows Arya Stark. Its story of a teenage boy with an unrequited crush on his neighbor takes a sharp turn when he walks in on a gang of masked thugs sexually assaulting her (bullshit rape storylines seem to follow Game Of Thrones actors around). The kid flees, but as he’s calling the cops, he gets shot in the head.

Instead of, you know, immediately killing him, the pieces of exploded phone embed themselves in his brain …

… which give him superpowers. More specifically, he can psychically read and even control smartphones. And of course the human cellphone uses his powers to fight crime like a tween-friendly Dark Knight.

You may be wondering how he actually fights bad guys. After all, having Google Maps and Shazam coursing through your cerebral cortex doesn’t necessarily mean you can kick ass. It’s simple: When he’s cornered by a cadre of thugs, iBoy psychically causes all their phones to explode:

Say what you will about Batman, but even he hasn’t been able to figure out a way to set his adversaries’ balls on fire without lifting a finger.

Fuck You, The Book Of Henry

Judging by the box office results, a lot of you didn’t see Jurassic World director Colin Trevorrow’s The Book Of Henry, either because it was savaged by critics or because the poster made it look like the world’s crappiest Choose Your Own Adventure book.

The film tells the story of Henry, a genius kid straight out of a script Wes Anderson started and then threw away. He spends his life making Rube Goldberg devices, playing the stock market, and generally being lauded for how brilliant he is. We never find out who his father was, though presumably his mom had a one-night stand with an anthropomorphic Screenwriting For Dummies book.

Oddly, his mom is content letting him run her entire life, which seems … unhealthy. She consults with him before financial decisions and sees him more as a sort of surrogate husband than a son. Even Marty McFly would find this dynamic unsettling.

Oddly, the precious, quirky, autumn-leaf-filled indie drama soon becomes very thriller-like when Henry notices that the girl who lives next door is being sexually abused by her stepdad — meaning some genius waltzed into a Hollywood studio and pitched “Rear Window, but with kids getting molested,” and it worked. Henry’s on the case, but no one will take him seriously because the stepdad is the police commissioner (and also played by Hank from Breaking Bad). So with the school principal and child services being total dicks, Henry formulates a plan … to murder the stepdad.

And by the way, we’re just getting started.

Before Henry can go through with his plan, in another twist, it turns out that he has a brain tumor. The titular character dies halfway through the movie. Henry’s little brother then tells the mom about Henry’s dying wish that she read his journal, which contains the elaborate murder plan. Henry is so annoyingly smart that he even anticipated what people would say out loud after he’s dead:

The mom rejects the plan at first, but eventually gets sucked in. She ends up buying a giant hunting rifle and luring her target into the woods during a school talent show:

She comes very close to pulling the trigger, but doesn’t go through with it, because she remembers that Henry was “a child.” Yeah, her arc is realizing she doesn’t have to do everything a young kid told her to. At the same time, the school principal finally decides to do something about the sex abuse. Why does she come to this conclusion? Because the girl’s dance at the talent show is just so pathos-filled.

What made The Book Of Henry a next-level debacle wasn’t simply its critical lambasting, paltry box office receipts, or “bloodstained Mad Libs you found at an abandoned bus station on Halloween” of a plot. No, it’s the fact that its utter craptitude might’ve catalyzed Trevorrow’s dismissal as the director of Star Wars Episode IX. This is why you never, ever pursue your passion projects, kids.

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porrimstentadick · 8 years ago

Text

An Android’s Guide to Becoming a Witch’s Familiar

Length: 7536 words

Fandom: None

Summary: An android is bought by a witch to become a familiar, and in the process, learns she is more than what she was built for.

Warnings: implied animal death.

Mireille sighed at the large package waiting outside her door. The box read FRAGILE in bold red letters on all sides, with a startlingly modern PromotheusCo holographic logo shimmering in the sunlight that managed to filter through the trees in front of her cozy cottage. It was brick, covered in ivy, and was situated in one of the rare nature preserves on the countryside. It was technically a historic landmark, which meant it wasn’t technically supposed to be inhabited; but Mireille Klostermeier was the rightful heir to the land, so she took the opportunity to live here.

It was fitting, for a modern witch.

Mireille was one of the few witches in the area. Although she was greatly appreciated by the surrounding city, whom often came to her for magical cures and advice, she largely picked this location for its history, its relative isolation, and more importantly, its access to traditional craft materials. Many witches were happy enough to move to techcraft entirely—Mireille, however, was a little more traditional.

“Well, I guess we better get started then…” Mireille said to herself, and dragged the box in the house. It was made slightly easier by an antigrav lift inside the box, but it wasn’t easy by any means.

She maneuvered the large box in the door, which was slightly shorter than standard, but after a moment of some stubborn tugging, it was lying in the middle of her small living room. The couch was conveniently out of the way, and although the holoscreen was an older, bulkier model, she was able to tuck that away in a corner as well. With everything set, and the daylight outside slowly retiring into twilight, Mireille lit some candles on the windowsill that faced the front yard, and set to work.

PrometheusCo boxes were notoriously difficult to unwrap. The first layer was of old fashioned bubble wrap, taped together with packing tape. Mireille took the tape in her hands and put all her strength into tearing it apart; when that proved fruitless, she grabbed a knife.

The inner box was made of something else entirely. This was where it got interesting; the box was about 4 feet long and two feet wide. A small indent in the sleek black box indicated a place for Mireille to place her thumb; she had read about this. It was a security measure, to make sure no merchandise was delivered to the incorrect party.

It better not be, Mireille mused to herself. She had spent a fortune on this.

The box opened with a burst of mist. It was the decompression of the special Foam inside, which cradled the contents of the box perfectly. Finally, Mireille was able to see her new familiar.

PrometheusCo was one of a few companies producing androids these days, but they also had the distinction of being the first to mass market the technology in a user-friendly package. The first models were standard house workers with little actual intelligence, and no awareness. Certainly, the current models also lacked any true consciousness—it was a matter of law, but they were much more clever in every other way. They still cost an arm and a leg , though they were leagues more affordable now that the materials had both improved and become cheaper to produce.

Inside the box, curled in a fetal position was PrometheusCo’s CHO-XV3 model android. Mireille’s eyes wandered over its paper-white skin, made of artificial plastic that once activated would take on the color and texture of real human skin. This model had a silver triangular piece of material where its ears would have been: that was where many of the access panels meant for emergency overrides and resets would be housed. Mireille reached for them, but stopped herself; one of the reasons she had ordered this model, she was embarrassed to admit, was because the access panel shape reminded her of cat ears.

She moved onto the rest of it, searching for an instruction manual, or a power button, or something else. “Now where can I power you up…”

Suddenly a loud Ting! Filled the tiny living room, and Mireille stepped back in surprise. Then, from out of the box, the android began to unfurl.

It slowly rose up, shoulders hunched, a sudden burst of steam released from a double vent along its back. It straightened to its full height, and Mireille had her first full look at her new android.

Although its skin had gained texture, it was still paper white; so were its eyes, which had a tiny pupil. On the left side of its face, a break in the skin marked where the plastic had been put together; its hair was also paper-white, and in a sort of neutral bowl cut. This model was designed to be rather thin but boxy in shape, with a modest breast size; although it was the model she ordered, Mireille couldn’t help but turn and blush; the models came with default clothes, but they got in the way of setup, or so she heard. The android’s nakedness was still jarring.

The only bit of color in the entire android was the LED strip imbedded in each of the android’s sides; it shifted colors throughout the spectrum.

Finally, Mireille locked eyes with the machine.

“User recognized. Hello Mireille Klostermeier. I am PrometheusCo’s CHO-XV3 model. If you would like, I will initiate setup.”

The android’s voice was in a pleasantly neutral tone. “Um. Yes. Initiate…setup?”

The android smiled. A pure facsimile, she knew, but it was still nice. “All right. Setup initializing. First, please tell me what your primary purpose for me will be. I have a variety of modes; I am a fully functional housemaid, I can provide excellent companionship, and I even have a variety of sexual partner modes to try. I can also serve as a personal assistant or secretary.”

Mireille’s blush deepened at the ‘sexual partner modes’. It was true; a huge portion of the android market was entirely dedicated to what amounted to robot sexual partners. A significant amount of research had gone towards developing an emotionally fulfilling AI for just such a purpose, and so many of the marketed models had intentionally sexual physiques, including some truly ridiculous specialty models. Nevertheless, that wasn’t the purpose she had bought this android for.

“I guess you could call it a research assistant,” Mireille said. The android processed this.

“I see. In that case, I will load the appropriate software—“

Mireille stopped the android. “No need for that. I have my own…er, ‘software’ I’d like you to use.”

“So long as this custom software has been obtained legally and is within legal bounds, I will be happy to accept it. In that case, we may move onto customization,” the android said in the same tone. “Each aspect of my appearance is fully customizable, aside from my access panels, and my measurements.

“Here is a pamphlet with all of my customization options. I will be glad to wait until you are ready to decide.”

The android handed her a thick pamphlet, but Mireille shook her head. “I don’t need it. I already decided what I wanted my settings to be.”

The android tilted its head. “Please continue.”

“style F0-45 for the hair, please. And for the skin, middle—and the eyes, color 635.”

“Accepted,” the android said. “What color would you like my LED display to be?”

Oh! She hadn’t thought of that. “I guess…could I have a light green?”

“Matching color to the best of my ability,” the android said. As she spoke, the LED display on her side shifted to a bright green. Her hair began to grow of its own accord, down past her shoulders, back, and finally coming to rest past her buttocks; the bangs shifted into a center part, the hair on her sideburns growing slightly to square ends, framing her face nicely. The hair shifted color from white to black rapidly, starting from the roots and cascading down to the tips as if liquid dye had been poured on it. The paper-white skin gained realistic color to a middling tan, and her white eyes turned a dark green color.

Okay. Mireille took a deep breath. Now it was the hard part.

“Would you like to load the custom software now or later?”

Mireille pulled a small hard drive from her pocket. It was laden with the standard programming for androids, along with some…extra thrown in.

It was highly illegal, but the technical sigils on the drive would keep it from being reported and the android would accept the software. Hopefully. She had only one foot in the rapidly-growing world of techno-witchery, after all.

“Load this, please,” Mireille said, handing the android the hard drive. Inserting it into a hidden slot, the AI’s eyes cast downward as she began to download the data. Her mechanical eyes widened when she ran into what Mireille assumed was the first non-standard protocol.

“This is…highly illegal material, I’m going to have to—report impossible. What?” The android’s eyes were shifting back and forth as she ran into more and more illegal code. Finally succumbing to what was probably an overwhelming amount of information, she faltered, nearly toppling over. “What…what have you done?” The android said, a hint of color in her voice that hadn’t been there before.

Mireille stepped away and began to clean up the box that the android came in as she explained: “I gave you the most recent software package invented by the technological High Magis Guild. They’ve been tinkering as much with AI and magic as hackers have, but the Magis Guilds are practically untouchable.”

“When you said research assistant, you meant—“

“Yes. I meant Familiar assistant.”

The android was silent for a while, fans whirring quietly in the background, letting out heat from her rear vents. “I still have one more piece of set-up.”

Mireille stopped and dusted her hands, placing her fists on her hips. “What’s that?”

“I need a name.”

Mireille smiled. “I already thought of that. How does Kat sound?”

Kat learned the ropes quickly. Unlike most software, the custom software Mireille had borrowed from the Tech Guild didn’t include pre-built knowledge on how to function, partially because each witch was different in their craft, and partially because the amount of data stored on it was getting to its limit anyway.

What it did do, however, was release the inhibitors in Kat’s processors for self-awareness and loaded in capacity for feelings and free thought. The software was the seed. Only Kat could make it grow.

The first few days, Kat simply helped out in the garden. Mireille was a woman who didn’t much care for her looks, as not many people saw her on a normal basis, and she found it was better for evoking a reaction in her clients. Kat, although she was able to look things up on the internet, occasionally got the wrong answer for Mireille’s endless guess-that-herb games . Every so often, the sun would shine down on a bare spot between plants, and Kat would see the gleaming surface of a crystal, slightly buried in the dirt. Most of the time was spent weeding; it seemed that Mireille needed the extra help, as some portions of the garden were unfortunately infested with the unwanted foliage.

“I can only do so much myself,” Mireille said, tugging at a particularly strong weed with gloved hands. They were in the middle of the large herb garden growing out back, surrounded by poorly-maintained hedges. “It gets tiring. I have clients over and sometimes I don’t have the energy to garden.”

“Why would you do that?” Kat asked sincerely. “There are many places to find these in the city. For instance, this cilantro can easily be bought pre-dried.” The android held up a piece of cilantro that had fallen to the ground.

“That’s what my friends in the city tell me. Then again, they don’t do much with herbs and crystals anymore. The new craze is all about the tech.” The stubborn weed held on. “I guess I feel like the plants are closer to my heart this way, so I can use them more efficiently.”

Efficiency was something Kat could understand. “So it is a higher payoff to grow your own, despite difficulties maintaining the garden?”

Pop. Mireille held the conquered weed high and smiled at Kat. “Yep. Now are you ready for another pop quiz?”

The first client Kat had ever seen came to Mireille’s cabin four days after Kat had come to live there. Kat hadn’t noticed it, but Mireille had a storefront in the garage, which had a small walkway leading to the rest of the house—but otherwise, it was a separate building. A rather homey-looking interior, much like the rest of her living space, was accented by an old-fashioned wooden sales counter as well as a till, but Kat thought it looked so old as to be unusable. Otherwise, the walls were lined with a few animal skulls, star-shaped wall decorations, and shelves full of bottles and jars. A horseshoe hung above the garage door.

The client himself looked exhausted. His shoulders were hunched and his business casual attire did nothing to help his face, under-eyes gray and a steely set to his jaw. Kat had been sent to greet the man after the bell had rung while Mireille finished bottling up some freshly dried herbs. Kat came face-to-face with the man and put on her most friendly smile. (She didn’t realize it looked a bit too friendly.)

“Welcome, sir. Mireille will be with you in just a moment. My name is Kat. Is there anything I can get for y—“

Abruptly cutting her off, the man said irritably: “Get me a chair, now! I walked all the way out here.”

Not knowing why her hands were suddenly trembling a little, Kat did as instructed, fetching a fold-out lawn chair from behind the garage, and setting it up. The hunched-over man sat down with a sigh, not thanking her.

What Kat had learned was curiosity crept up on her suddenly. “Sir, can I please ask why you’re here?”

The man looked shocked to have the android speak up of her own accord, and stumbled a bit before replying. “Well, I, uh, Miss Klostermeier does a bang-up job with those energy-clearing hands she’s got. I have a really busy job, see, so I get all kinds of exhausted on the job. Might’ve had a stroke by now if it weren’t for her. Uh, I don’t remember seeing an android here before.”

Kat nodded. “I am Mireille’s new Familiar assistant.”

With that simple statement, the man’s eyes grew darker. “So that’s why…”

At that moment, Mireille came stumbling inside the shop. She nodded and smiled to Kat, who couldn’t help but smile back; Mireille had called this being happy. Kat was very happy to get a friendly look. Turning towards the client, Mireille clucked her tongue before going outside the counter to examine him more closely.

“George, what have I told you about skipping out on your meditation exercises? You look worse than usual,” Mireille said. “I’m assuming you’re going to want the same?”

“Yes, please,” George said.

Kat watched with fascination as George relaxed in his seat and Mireille began to lay her hands, first on his hunched-over back; then, gliding smoothly over his shirt, up his shoulders and lingering there; moving up his neck, she then brought her hands smoothly down to the base of his back, onto his legs, lingering at spots every so often. George gradually sat up straighter, and Mireille, for her part, had her eyes fixed somewhere in the middle distance. Kat stared at her eyes, which in that moment seemed unfathomable.

After about ten minutes of going over the same area with her hands, Mireille stopped, eyes returning to normal. George stretched luxuriously.

“Ah, that feels so much better,” George said. “Thank you, Miss Klostermeier. I assume it will be the usual payment?”

Mireille nodded, turning briefly to look Kat in the eye. “Yes sir. You know my standard rate for healing magic, but only pay what you can afford. I’m not in the business of daylight robbery.”

“Yeah, yeah, a’ course,” George said, then handed her a wad of cash. It didn’t look like a lot of money, but Kat figured there was some method to her madness. “I’ll see you same time next month, Miss Klostermeier.”

The two said their goodbyes and George was off towards the main city. Kat stood awkwardly near the till as Mireille put in the cash she had just received, locking it with a small key around her neck. “Do know what just happened, Kat?” Mireille asked.

“Only that you had an exchange of a service for currency. I cannot speculate on the specifics,” Kat answered, already having thought of the answer.

“That was one of the most basic of healing magics. George is a regular of mine. He has a hellish job, and he lets himself get caught up in the bustle of work. He always comes in with the most tense muscles I have ever seen.”

“Wouldn’t he be able to fix it with a massage?” Kat asked. “Those are available in this city.”

Mireille looked at her with a smirk and beckoned her to follow. Behind the garage was a plethora of lawn supplies. Mireille took the lawn chair George had been sitting in and gestured for Kat to grab a chair and do the same.

“It’s not just his muscles,” Mireille explained. “It’s his mind and spirit. You’re right, a massage could easily fix tense muscles, but when George came to me he told me he had tried every masseuse in the city, and nothing had helped him. He tensed right back up within ten minutes.

“A skill I learned allows me to feel the energy of anyone I lay my hands on. All of his spiritual energy was blocked and stagnated, because his mind had seized up from all the stress. So I calm the mind, and get the energy flowing again. Simple as that.”

Kat considered it for a moment. “Is it similar to the electricity running through my system? The energy you speak of cannot be blood or oxygen, which is paramount to human function.”

“Don’t you have anything else running through your, uh, system?” Mireille asked.

“Coolant,” Kat replied.

“Well, let’s equate your coolant to blood, then. Without it, you’d overheat and have to shut down. Without blood or oxygen, humans die,” Kat explained. “But if your electricity was weakened, you wouldn’t cease to function, you would just get…I don’t know much about robotics, but I assume you’d get all glitchy. It’s kind of like that for living things, only most people don’t notice it. If your energy gets clogged you can feel sluggish and stuck and your body might ache more.”

A moment of silence passed between them as both watched the sun sink lower into the horizon over the greenery of the nature preserve; in the far distance Mireille could see skyscrapers over the trees of the forest separating her tiny backyard oasis from the rest of the preserve, and eventually the city.

“Am I not a living thing?” Kat asked, looking at Mireille with questioning emerald eyes.

Mireille’s eyes widened, and she shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “Uh. I don’t think I’m qualified to answer that question?” she said, tugging awkwardly at her wild brown hair.

“Oh. I will have to ask others, then.” Kat said. Who these ‘others’ were, Mireille didn’t know.

After the sun sank below the city’s skyline and the clouds no longer reflected the pink-orange of sunset, the two abandoned their lawn chairs and returned to the cottage.

An android had no need for a bed. Specifically, androids were made to enter power-saving mode standing up so their owners could tuck them in an unobtrusive corner. Many owners, however, found this to be creepy: walking into their kitchens for a midnight snack and seeing a figure out of the corner of their eye was enough to wake up their whole neighborhoods, so often owners thought that laying the android down on the couch in a semblance of sleep might be better.

Kat knew all of this, as the information was freely available on the web. What she didn’t understand was why she had an entire room to herself. The first day there, Mireille had ushered her into the room, plain white walls, a bed with white linens, and a oak nightstand as well as a bookshelf and set of drawers, and said proudly that this was to be her room.

After attempting to explain that she had no need of this space, Mireille insisted. After an incident with a shattered cup of tea and a small burn, Mireille also insisted she use the bed when in power-saving mode.

It was a day approximately one week and three days after Kat had arrived that she roused herself from power-saving mode to find Mireille standing in the doorway, looking thoughtful as she examined the room.

“Is there something wrong?” Kat asked, and Mireille jumped a little bit before laughing.

“No, there’s nothing wrong,” Mireille said. “I was just thinking I need to get some supplies from the city.”

“Oh.” Kat blinked. “I thought you received your supplies by mail?”

Mireille looked mischievous for a moment. “Normally, yes. But these are special supplies. What would you say about a trip into the city?”

The trip from the nature preserve to the city was, as Mireille loudly proclaimed, “A huge chore” and one that she didn’t do very often. Indeed, Kat observed that Mireille spent most of the trip trying not to fall over various dead logs and gnarled tree roots.

“I don’t understand why you don’t just call a taxi,” Kat said after Mireille nearly fell and cursed a particularly old root.

“I can’t,” Mireille said. “I live on the nature preserve. It’s beautiful, and part of the way they keep it that way is by declaring it a no-fly zone except for special circumstances, like my deliveries, and even then they have to keep to a special route. Taxis are considered extraneous and disturbances to wildlife.”

Wildlife. Kat had seen some skittering in the forest, the creatures seeming to avoid her with extra care. Mireille noted it was odd that they scattered like that. Normally she had an uncanny ability to get close to the creatures in the forest.

After what seemed like “an eternity” to Mireille but was in fact only two hours by Kat’s reckoning, they reached the edge of the preserve. A large gate made of iron (an anachronism in the age of reliable plasteel) opened once Mireille properly identified herself to the gate controls, and at once Kat was greeted with the sight of the city.

As it was close to midday, the street was bustling with people heading to lunch. The sun reflected harshly off the white skyscrapers and smooth concrete labeled with paths for pedestrians. Light glinted off the windows of shops, and Mireille shaded her eyes. “I should’ve brought sunglasses,” she muttered.

It was like stepping into a different world. Where once there was the womb of the forest to dapple the sunlight gently on Kat’s synthetic skin and soft earth to step on, the city was both wide-open and claustrophobic. The street that ringed the perimeter of the nature preserve was quickly left behind as Mireille struggled with navigating through the crowds of people. Kat, turning on her life-monitoring systems, also noticed that her heart rate was rapidly increasing and breath becoming shallow.

Catching up to Mireille who seemed intent on leading the way, Kat, with the most ginger of touches, grasped Mireille’s free hand.

A new emotion, one Kat didn’t have the word for, flooded her mind. She could feel the warmth emanating from Mireille’s hand, seeping through her synthetic skin into her sensors, and when Mireille turned to look her brown eyes seemed to glow golden from the sunlight. The world stopped for a moment when their eyes met.

And then it was over, and Mireille looked down. “Kat, you…”

“I noticed you seemed to be becoming anxious,” Kat said. “I…thought that a reassuring touch would be beneficial.”

Mireille smiled warmly. “Thank you, Kat. It is. Shall we go?”

The streets seemed to part ways for them then, Mireille no longer struggling to find the correct street. Instead of what Kat had calculated would be a shop that sold the items Mireille used, they stepped inside a department store.

Mireille, still holding Kat’s hand, made a beeline for the bedding section.

“Kat,” Mireille asked innocently, looking at the android. “Do you have a favorite color?”

Kat tilted her head. “I have no color preferences.”

Mireille scoffed. “That software I loaded you with included a capacity for aesthetic preference.”

Kat shook her head. “I still…don’t think I have one.”

Mireille thought in silence for a few seconds, then nodded, deciding something to herself. “Okay. Let me grab some things, and you pick whatever you’re drawn to the most.

Mireille bustled to and fro, gathering bedsheets from various corners of the store. Finally, she laid them all out on a display bed and positioned Kat in front of them.

They were the spectrum of the rainbow, all plain.

“I’m confused,” Kat said. “What is the purpose of picking a set of sheets?”

Mireille sighed in frustration. “Just pick the one you’re drawn to. And don’t just pick one randomly!”

Kat nodded and looked back at the sheets. She let her eyes rest over each one. The red sheet was the color of the roses in the backyard, bright, but she held no special fondness for it. Orange the color of the sunset—beautiful, she realized, it was aesthetically beautiful—but not any more special than the red. This continued until she came to the set of blue sheets.

They were the color of the sky at its apex during the day, and something must have shown on her face, because Mireille grinned. “I…prefer the blue, although green comes somewhat close,” Kat said.

“Blue it is!”

As they were picking out the sheets, other customers had begun to stare. Once Mireille had picked up the blue set of sheets, she finally noticed them, and she shrank into herself a bit.

Without prompting or checking to see what her vital signs were, Kat again grasped her hand gently, and could feel her pulse relax.

They hurried through the checkout, and once outside, Mireille let out a sigh. “That’s one stop down.”

“This wasn’t the supply you were looking for?” Kat asked.

“Only one of them,” Mireille said, grinning again. They pushed through the streets and headed off to another mystery destination.

Before three, they were carrying the blue set of sheets, a can of turquoise paint, a glass statue of a blue dolphin Kat had lingered at, and two posters, one of the ocean and the other of the schematics of the first permanent civilian space-station. All of these items Mireille insisted upon after Kat had spent a considerable time examining them. The ocean was aesthetically pleasing, like the sunset, and the schematics gave Kat a sense of pleasure to ponder.

Mireille announced they were going to their last stop for the day, and headed towards an alley situated between two skyscraper bases. Here the sun didn’t reach, and the formerly pristine concrete had accumulated a bit of dirt and trash from the city’s passers-by.

At the end of the alley was a spartan staircase leading to a door that looked just like any other back entrance. They climbed the stairs and Mireille knocked three times.

The door opened a crack, then swung wide, revealing a woman with fiery red hair and brown eyes whose smile seemed to take up the width of her freckle-covered face.

“Mir!” the stranger said, embracing Mireille, still laden with goods. Mireille just accepted the hug and leaned in, unable to return it.

“Jas! It’s so good to see you,” Mireille said. Jas affirmed and ushered Mireille into the darkly-lit interior, pausing when her eyes met Kat.

“You got a CHO-XV3? That’s…unexpected,” Jas said, but motioned for her to come in. Kat complied.

“Her name is Kat,” Mireille said. Kat’s eyes quickly adjusted to the dim lighting; the interior of the house was made much like Mireille’s cottage, but Kat could tell it was only a façade. The wood was stained dark, with a thread of LED light casting the room in a violet wash. There were overhead lights, but the fixtures of atmospheric lighting seemed to be more to Jas’s liking.

Jas appraised her, and Kat felt a flush of what Mireille had identified as worry. But she nodded in approval. “I can see why you made the decisions you did, Mir. I like her. You loaded her with the software from the Guild?”

“I did.”

“How’s she coming along?”

The two continued like this, speaking as though Kat were not in the room. As they spoke, a feeling began to grow, finally culminating when Kat said suddenly. “I don’t enjoy being spoken about like this.”

The two paused, Jas’s eyes fascinated and Mireille’s looking like a cross of horrified and embarrassed.

“Far indeed,” Jas said. “I’m sorry, Kat. I moonlight as an IT guy sometimes. I’m used to androids being practically non-sentient.”

“Sentient?”

“Aware of one’s own existence as a single entity.”

Kat looked down to her feet. “Oh.”

Mireille was suddenly at her side. “It was rude of us to talk like you weren’t here,” Mireille said. “I apologize. Why don’t you come and sit?”

Jas let out a breath. “An organic apologizing to an android. That ain’t something you see every day. Mir’s gonna get some techcraft supplies, so why don’t we have a little chat, Kat?”

Jas was insatiably curious. In their short conversation, Kat learned the names for the emotions she had yet to acquire labels for, learned that the illegal software had started as Jas’s brainchild, and that Jas was a talented tech witch.

A squeal came from Mireille’s direction, who had retreated into a back room down a hallway. She came rushing out, holding a somewhat porky orange tabby. “I found Mouser!”

Without ceremony, Mireille plopped Mouser down on the worn couch and began to coo at him and play with his ears. Mouser seemed to tolerate the attention, and Jas just watched amusedly. Catching Kat’s curious gaze, Jas explained:

“Mouser is my familiar. Well, my pet, but he helps out in my craft, too.” Jas got up and stroked the cat, picking him up (much to Mireille’s dismayed whining) and sat him on Kat’s lap.

Kat was prepared for the animal to run away screeching, but instead the tabby just looked up at her with his big brown eyes, blinking slowly and waving his tail lazily back and forth. Tentatively, she reached out to pat his head, and found that his fur was pleasantly soft. The cat leaned into her touch.

Jas smiled. “He likes you.”

“All the other animals were scared of her in the forest,” Mireille said. “I don’t get it.”

“Ah, dear Mir, my Mouser is always a little ahead of the game when it comes to people,” Jas said. “The others will catch up eventually.”

Saying their goodbyes to Jas, Kat and Mireille headed out as the sky turned to a star-speckled indigo, a ring of magenta on the horizon. The city streets were only a little less crowded, it seemed, though the swarm of people grew thicker with every passing minute. Lights illuminating walkways began to turn on as the sky grew darker and the two hurriedly scurried along the streets, weighed down with their acquired treasures.

The trip back through the woods was made all the more grueling in the dark, with Kat lighting the way (Mireille had been unaware android’s eyes also functioned as emergency flashlights). Mireille thought it a feat that she only tripped twice, and somehow her supplies, tucked in brown wrapping paper, remained intact through the whole trip. It was deeply dark when they finally made it back to the cottage, and Mireille made a beeline straight for Kat’s room, collapsing on the white cotton sheets with a huff of effort.

“If it’s okay with you, let’s wait until tomorrow to redecorate your room, huh? I’m beat.”

Kat blinked curiously at her. “Redecorate?”

Sitting up, Mireille lifted an eyebrow. “Well, obviously. What did you think those sheets were for? And the decorations? My room is way too crowded with stuff already. I wanted you to pick out stuff you liked.”

Kat wasn’t certain what to say in response. “I don’t need new decorations, Mireille. I can perform optimally with what I currently have. It is more than enough, in fact.”

Mireille twisted her mouth into a half-smile. “Kat, why are you still acting like I only want you around because you’re a mach—an android?” She stumbled over the word machine.

“I thought I was here to assist you with your craft and be your personal assistant,” Kat said, suddenly uncertain as to where the conversation was going. “This level of caring for an android like myself is…unnecessary, according to the knowledge I was created with.”

Suddenly turning serious, Mireille stood up, looking at Kat evenly in the eye. “I didn’t want you because I needed an unthinking assistant to do all my hard work for me,” she said, even-toned. “I wanted you because I needed a new familiar. And a familiar is much more than just a simple assistant.”

Kat felt more hot air than usual expelling through the vents on her back, cooling mechanisms whirring a little harder to compensate for the inexplicable rising heat within her body. “I was never told what being a familiar assistant involved. Surely if an animal can do it, you wouldn’t have needed an android?”

Mireille grasped her shoulder firmly but reassuringly. “Being a familiar is about being in a witch’s total confidence. Two souls meet in the middle to create a powerful craft borne of love and trust, not of servitude. Animals are traditional, but that doesn’t mean a familiar is less than her witch. Familiars are invaluable collaborators. No one witch can do it alone. And I…tried.”

Her voice faltered, and she withdrew her hand. “Mireille?” Kat asked, searching her suddenly darkened expression.

“I’m going to go to bed,” she said simply. “Tomorrow, we redecorate. Then I’m going to teach you about the Sabbat.”

Kat simply watched as Mireille walked down the hallway and disappeared into her room.

One Year Ago:

It was only midday and already Mir had come for tea and a chat, as she had so often these past few weeks; Jas was wondering if the girl was going to up and move in soon. They were sitting on the roof underneath a pieced-together shade attached to the neighboring building via duct tape and a prayer . It was necessary to keep the midday sun from beating down on the white roof. Still, they barely said a word as they sipped their cool drinks and watched the people pass by on the streets below.

“You can’t keep doing this,” Jas said abruptly.

“Keep doing what?” Mir said, looking innocently over at Jas.

“I know it’s lonely at home since…since it happened, but you can’t just keep stuffing it up with tea and conversation. It isn’t healthy, especially for someone your age.”

Mir shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “Where did that come from all the sudden? And screw age. We both know neither of us act like we’re in our 190’s.”

Jas took another sip. “You damn well know I know, Mir. For the love of the gods, I’m an empath. I know when one of my friends is hurting.”

A moment of silence passed as Mir’s expression soured. “How am I supposed to move on, Jas? You know as well as I do that Belle was special. You can’t just replace a familiar like her.”

“I never said anything about replacing her,” Jas said. “It’s just how it is. You can never replace a true witch’s familiar. What I’m saying is, you can’t keep living alone.”

In the distance, a car honked, and a stranger on the street below waved to the rooftop pair randomly. Jas waved back briefly, but continued. “I know you want to be independent. We all do. It’s just one of those things. It’s why coven meetings are so damn rare nowadays. But you’ve been alone long enough. Belle’s death just made it clearer.”

Mir twitched when Jas said ‘death’, but otherwise remained quiet for a few seconds, chewing over Jas’s words in her mind. “Well, what do you suggest I do? Join the dating pool or something?”

“Nah, you’d never land a fish from this ocean,” Jas said light-heartedly, laughing. “And besides, you do need a new familiar. Those are hard to come across. But you know that idea I had about custom android software?”

Mir scoffed at the mention of androids. “Uh-huh.”

“The tech guild up and ran with my idea. They’re going to start production on it. I know you aren’t the biggest fan of them, but hey, with my design, an android could be a familiar AND a decent assistant…”

Kat did not enter power-saving mode that night. Something kept gnawing at her thought processes, and in the end, she stared at the new blue accoutrements and examining her room, thinking.

Her room. Mireille had provided it for her knowing she didn’t need it. Maybe she didn’t know it wasn’t customary to give her kind a space. She wasn’t sure. But the more she stared, and the longer she went without lying down and saving her power consumption, the more her thoughts started to become disorganized and frayed.

In the end, she decided, she did want the room. Not because she needed it, but because…because…

Kat had asked an online forum for androids whether or not she was able to be considered a ‘living thing’ and more often than not, the responses came back:

No.

No, and the other androids were treated as an appliance or even as a novelty. They were objects to be marketed, like Mireille’s herbal tonics and creams. They were useful, but not deserving of respect. And the more responses like this poured in the more a feeling grew inside her, small at first and then growing in strength. Something she had never felt before--like a spark turning into a white-hot coal where her stomach might have been if she was human.

And so that’s how Mireille found her the next morning: seemingly having dropped where she sat sometime in the middle of the night when it was deemed necessary for her to enter power-saving mode by force, gripping the glass dolphin gently.

Kat woke hours later as the sun was well into the sky and streaming through her ivy-covered window, tucked underneath the sheets and blanket for the first time, dolphin set delicately on top of her drawers and all the accessories they had bought the previous day stacked neatly next to it. Kat gingerly got out of bed, wondering if the blanket had always seemed this soft and then noticed a note in Mireille’s scrawling handwriting on the drawers.

Noticed you passed out last night, n thought to tuck you in. Sleep as long as you want, will be working in the garden n preparing for sabbat tonight. Meet me whenever youre feeling up to it!

Love Mireille

As promised, she was in the garden, but not doing the weeding Kat had been expecting; instead, Mireille was seated near one of the hedges, cross-legged with her eyes closed.

Approaching snapped her out of her reverie, however, and Mireille smiled a little sheepishly. “Hey Kat. I’m sorry if I seemed weird last night. It’s just…”

Kat shook her head. “Please don’t be sorry. It was best if I heard that, I think. I have another question for you, Mireille.”

Perking up, Mireille seemed to give her the go-ahead. “Last night I experienced a new emotion. I have asked my fellow androids whether or not I am a ‘living thing’.” Understanding dawned on Mireille’s face. ‘Others’, indeed. “They ubiquitously replied in the negative. They say we are only meant to be appliances, but that can’t be right. I’m not just an appliance. An appliance doesn’t become a witch’s equal,” Kat said, voice rising and getting faster without her saying so. “What is this feeling I have? Like fire, here.” Kat pointed to her would-be stomach.

Mireille’s face looked suddenly a little more serious. “Kat, I think you’ve gotten your first taste of anger.”

Anger. Yes, that seemed about right.

“What is anger good for?” Kat asked. “I do not see its use beyond making me feel…worse than I ever have.”

Mireille stood up and stretched. “As a witch, I must understand a great many things about emotion. The energy of it, its effect on the human body and its uses.” Mireille began to pace. “Anger is potent. It’s the merging of passion and hatred. And if it’s excessive, it can pollute the soul in most people. But it can also be a powerful force for change. It is one part passion, after all, and that is the most useful tool in a witch’s arsenal.” Looking Kat straight in the face, Mireille continued. “Anger can be freeing just as it can be poisonous, because once you’ve allowed yourself to feel it, you can accept that something is wrong, and begin to work for change.”

Change. Kat kept silent and thought about the hundreds of androids who had replied to her question.

“I have one more feelings question,” Kat said. “Why is it than when I hold your hand—“ as if to prove it to herself, Kat reached and took a hold of Mireille’s thick, strong hand—“I feel as though suddenly I am much warmer than I was before?”

Mireille smiled, her cheeks reddening. “Where do you feel this, Kat?”

Kat lifted her finger to point at where her heart might be.

“I think we need to find that out for ourselves.” Suddenly, Mireille pressed her lips to Kat’s cheek. “Come. I have to teach you about the Sabbat before it gets dark.”

It was only twice a year when the witches of the city gathered to form a coven: the summer and winter solstices were agreed upon as the necessary time for witches to convene as they had in times past. Jas and Mireille were among the oldest of this current generation Mireille had explained to Kat. As such, they were to choose the witches that would lead the Rite.

It was just before sundown when all had gathered in a clearing of trees on the nature preserve. Kat had explained that this particular preserve had been used by witches in previous generations, and had no small part in ensuring that it was saved from the onslaught of urbanization. Each witch was dressed in a black cloak. Kat would have thought she stood out being dressed in a white cloak, until she noticed several similarly-dressed figures and realized with a small start that she was looking at other androids, models that were anywhere from years older than her to only months.

As the sun set on the horizon, a black-cloaked woman stepped forward with her white-cloaked android companion, a male model with piercing gold eyes that met Kat’s, and the summer Rite began.

It was like nothing Kat had been expecting, even with Mireille’s explanations. Witches, so much older than they appeared to be, called names of gods long-forgotten by the public; there were prayers, pleas, and the leader of the Rite took on what Mireille explained was a god’s energy, to restore something to the witches present that had been lost since the last solstice. Kat was unable to explain it, but even she could feel something fluttering where her heart would have been.

As the Rite came to a close, and the witches mingled, some heading back home in the dark, some staying, Kat found that Mireille’s once empty home was now full of people—and androids. They eyed her and smiled to themselves.

Some chose to stay the night rather than walk home in the darkness. This included Jas, who had decided to claim the couch in the living room. As Kat headed off to bed, Mireille caught her by the sleeve.

“Kat, what if I stayed in your room? Just for tonight? Someone, er, needs a bed to sleep on.” Mireille’s face was reddening again.

Kat nodded and smiled, feeling heat rising in her again, and the two settled in the white sheets. Kat found herself again enjoying the soft weight of the blanket. Without saying anything, Mireille curled around her, draping her arm across Kat’s torso and tucking her head into the soft curve of her neck.

“Tomorrow we’re going to paint this room,” Mireille said, already sounding sleepy.

“We will,” Kat said, and they both fell asleep in the darkness, illuminated in the soft glow of the moon.

#writing #original story

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