#fr mike has got nice hands

[holysaintscathedral]

My hand kink 🤝 the knowledge that priest's hands are anointed and therefore holy.

[tomkaulitzssgirl]

hey pooks I have a request🙏🏻 can you pretty please write 2008 tom kaulitz smut 🛐

so basically the reader is part of the band and they're currently at a party, Tom was talking to a girl but couldn't keep his eyes off of the reader

(Tom and her are really close friends like they grew up together but they secretly had a thing for eachother for a while now and they've already had history in the past (iykyk) but now that she's had a bf they stopped but the tension was still there)

tom secretly gets jealous and brings reader to one of the bathroom stalls and they both kinda have like an argument and the reader yells at him n stuff but he's too horny to even care so he just pushes her on the wall and they secretly fuck

tom starts kissing her neck and touching her all over and plays w her dress, at first the reader tries to stop him because she has a bf but she eventually gives in and he whispers dirty things to her while kissing her neck n shi like how her bf can't fuck her as good as he can and how he's just better

hopefully that made sense😭 it's up to u if wanna write this but either way I love ur writing sm it got me giggling n kicking my feet n shi fr🤭🤭 thankyouu🫶🏻

a/n: thank u so much 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻 hope you like this!

I’m better than him | Tom Kaulitz

tom sipped on his beer as he sat down on the club couch, staring ahead of him, where the figure he so longed for stood.

the girl next to him, he didn’t even remember her name, was talking not even noticing how he wasn’t paying attention, too focused on observing your every movement.

you were at the counter with your boyfriend, michael, giggling as he hugged you from behind, kissing your neck. “stop it mike, not here.” you yelled over the music.

this was the after party after you guys had won an award, everyone of course was lit, ready to stay up all night.

“why not princess?” michael said in your ear, his hand slowly reaching under your skirt. you took it away, turning towards him with a smirk.

“let’s save the fun for later.”

tom found himself clenching the bottle in his hand, his knuckles turning white at the sight of someone else touching you.

in his mind, no one could treat you better than him. no one could be at his level and of course no one could touch you.

he breathed out heavily and turned to the girl next to him, smirking to her. he proceeded to go closer to her face and kissed her lips slowly, his hand going under her shirt.

you noticed him and rolled your eyes, not that you cared, but you were disgusted by how many girls he fucked and kept like trophies. he did the same with you.

you guys always had a thing for each other, always flirting and being touchy. one night, it even happened that you slept together, but you never told that to anyone. after that, tom changed, he started becoming distant, like he had obtained his goal and dipped.

then you got a boyfriend meanwhile he continued to bring girls over every night, but even if he tried to hide it, he seemed to dislike michael. he never talked to him or tried to be nice, always answering in a rude way and many times with a sense of superiority.

you never understood why but you decided to ignore him from that moment on, same thing that he did. the others in the band noticed and bill many times tried to get you and tom to talk but without gaining anything.

but let’s say, that tom wasn’t the only one who didn’t like your boyfriend. honestly, everyone in the band were kinda against him because of the way he treated you sometimes, like you the times where he decided to go out with his friends instead of seeing you after the tour.

“i’m gonna go to the bathroom.” you told michael and didn’t even wait for him to answer, you just felt his hand collide with your butt and his dumb friends laughing.

you rolled your eyes in disgust, walking away quickly.

arriving to the bathroom, the music finally wasn’t as loud and you sighed, closing your eyes before washing your hands and putting some cold water on your wrists and neck, feeling dizzy.

suddenly, the door opened and you eyes immediately connected to it, revealing the figure of tom entering the bathroom.

he closed the door behind him and as soon as you began to talk, he just pushed you against the wall, colliding your lips together in a hungry and aggressive kiss, his hands against the wall at the sides of your head.

you didn’t think about it twice, immediately kissing him back wrapping your arms around his neck, his body pressing against yours. it didn’t even occur to you that you were cheating.

when you broke away, he analysed your face needing to know what you were thinking about, but you were lost, your mind completely numb.

“i hate seeing you with him.” tom was the one who broke the silence.

you raised your eyebrow, “and why’s that?”

he scoffed playing with his piercing as he looked into your eyes deeply, lust and jealousy mixed in his brown ones. “because i can make you feel so much better.”

before you knew, you found yourself placed on the sink, with your skirt riled up and your panties aside as tom pounded in you like a beast.

he kept his long oversized shirt between his teeth before your hands grabbed it to keep it out of the way as you both watched his dick sliding in and out of you.

“i missed you so much. did you miss me, baby? missed how i fuck you?” he whispered in your ears, before sucking on your neck, wanting to leave marks for him to see.

you nodded with your eyes shut, mouth slightly agape as pleasure was the only thing you could feel, “y-yes! oh my god tom, right there!”

tom smirked as his hands traveled down your ass, gripping it tightly before spanking your thigh.

“say it. say how much i fuck you better than him.” he wanted to hear it all, how he was the only one who could make you feel like this, how he was the only who could make you cum more than once. he wanted to be the only one for you.

“y-you fuck me better! i’m a-all yours tom.” it was true. no matter what, your heart had always belonged to him.

after a few more pushes and thrusts inside you, you guys guys came together, your screams echoing in the small bathroom.

“shit.” tom groaned, his head in the crook of your neck, sweat on his forehead.

he backed away a bit, adjusting his belt as he tried to keep a steady breath.

suddenly, all the feelings you had came to the surface, your eyes filled with tears that soon streamed down your cheeks silently.

“what the fuck? what’s wrong?” tom asked you as soon as he noticed your crying. you shook your head, squeezing your eyes as he wiped your tears away.

“sh baby, tell me what’s wrong?”

finally you snapped.

“what’s wrong?! really tom? you ask me what’s wrong after you basically ignored me all this time and now you come back like this? using me again as you do with every other fucking girl?!” you pushed him but he didn’t move, not even an inch, “fuck you tom.”

you were about to push him again but he grabbed your wrists, keeping you still as he looked down at you. “i’m not using you.”

“yeah right you’re-“

“shut the fuck up!” tom raised his voice, his hand clenched in a fist connecting to the sink below you. it didn’t seem to hurt him though.

“i’ve spent months not talking to you and that asshole boyfriend of yours! i hate him so fucking much. wanna know why? because i fucking live you, y/n! i only love you and i fucking tried, believe me, i tried to make these feelings go away but i couldn’t. shit, i began to hate you because of how much i want you but you were too busy fucking him to care!” his rambling went on as you listened to his rough voice screaming at you everything he was keeping inside.

you shook your head, looking away from him as he breathed out heavily. it took some seconds before you spoke again. “how could i know tom? you were out with different girls every night, that’s not how you show love to someone!”

tom threw his hands in the air in exasperation, “because i’m not fucking used to this shit! i didn’t want to admit it to myself how could i admit it to you?! i thought i could forget you but i didn’t!”

you stayed quiet as your lower lip quivered, ready to cry again, not knowing what to say or think anymore.

“fuck, just give me a chance to make it better. please.” his hands went up to your hips and he pecked your lips sweetly repeatedly, holding onto you like you could run away.

you giggled a bit when he started kissing all over your face, making his heart beat faster when he saw your small smile. “is this a yes?”

you looked at him fluttering your eyelashes before nodding slowly, “yeah…don’t make me regret this.”

tom grinned before kissing you passionately, his hand grabbing your jaw and keeping you still as his tongue rolled with yours.

“y/n…what the fuck?” was all you heard before the kiss stopped, seeing your now ex-boyfriend infront of the door, looking at you with nothing but shock.

[minniweekss]

sit your ass down this is a long one

idk what the fuck has been wrong with me lately but all i ever feel is rage. everything pisses me the fuck off. mom woke me up at 10:30, bad mood. yesterday i woke up at 1:30pm, pissed tf off. also dropped my coffee on my new shoes yesterday and then proceeded to knock my entire 24ounce tumbler of coffee off my desk and all over my fucking carpet so now im even more pissed off trying to clean this fuck shit up with stupid ass paper towels knowing that my carpet is now fucked forever.

now heres the embarassing part. my mom witnessed my entire rage fit. screaming, flailing, throwing shit around my room and quite literally destroying my room just because some coffee spilled on my run. quite literally was my last straw.

now lets throw it back to the 26th, my birthday. I wake up with fucking covid (didnt know it was covid until the 28th). My mom leaves for NC that morning. we were supposed to do a birthday breakfast but since i was sick she just straight up left and we didnt do anything. so i spent the weekend alone with mike. Friday night i spent alone in my room with my little piece of cake and Love Island. then i went to work the next day (with a mask ofc) and worked a 9.5 hour shift while swaying and seeing black spots. oh lemme mention it was opening weekend of the new deadpool movie so it was fucking busy to say the least.

Anyways this whole weekend im literally alone. me myself and i. mom comes back, suddenly mike is sick. guess what? she buys him soup, fruit, juice, medicine, literally anything he needs. When i told my mom i had covid and was taken off the work schedule for the rest of the week she told me i should have said my test was negative so i could work anyways. ma'am im fucking sick with a very contagious disease are you fucking fr. while you're letting mike sit here and act like hes on his fucking death bed. suuuuuure.

now lets back it up even more to the weekend before my birthday. i had to celebrate that weekend bc i couldnt get the weekend of the 26th off bc of, you guessed it, deadpool. anyways. we were taking this blacksmithing class that i had my eye on for MONTHS. now im the one in the group to be known as the fantasy/medieval lover. i was quite literally writing a book about a blacksmith so. I was extremely excited for this class and i was trying to keep up with pics and videos of the progress cuz it looked like none of my friends were taking videos. I noticed a few here and there but didnt really think of it cuz i was so focused on making my knife. we get out of the class and back home and im sending all the pics and vids that i took and they did the same, and there were a lot more videos than i thougt. not a single one was me. i dont want to sound like a bitch saying like oh record me im important, no. But i was very excited for the class and i was trying my best to get videos of my own progress and they literally saw me doing that and didnt think to get a video of me making it? every single person that was in my group got a nice video of them tinkering away, while im seen in the background of the videos.

like quite literally one of them got a video of her doing each fucking step. why tf was i being ignored. they were barely even talking to me dude they were all talking to each other and im over here like ok i guess ill just focus on my knife then. there were a lot of cool tricks i was doing with the instructor, but i couldnt take a video bc blacksmithing needs both fucking hands. and i was too embarassed to ask for a video. i feel like i shouldnt have to ask..... the trick we did was called a double strike. the instructor did it with one of my friends and literally everyone whipped their phone out for a video. then a few mins later he came up to me and asked if i wanted to try and i was so excited. it was making me feel like a orc in mordor or something i thought this shit was so fucking cool. anyway we start, and i look around and not one person is even watching. cool.

idk i usually really dont like photos or videos of me cuz i hate the way i look so much, but this is probably the one thing i wanted a video of and didnt get one. i should have fucking asked them to take videos but i didnt think about it until we were home and i noticed that everyone else got a video of themselves. i was like "oh!" so i couldnt really post for my birthday cuz i didnt fucking have any pictures to post. literally all i got is a group picture with the instructors.....

to be fucking honest it felt like i was the third wheel when it was my planned event. not even just an event, but my 25th birthday. i feel like ever since then ive been agitated and annoyed all the time, especially with my friends. im becoming short tempered with them now. i dont think its a direct correlation to the blacksmithing at all i think its cuz my attitude has been so sour lately.

this post is all over the place so bear with me ok. im gonna jump around a lot. another thing that sets me off is when i text my friends either questions or plans i need them to confirm and they take 5 fucking day to respond to me, like shit i dont fucking need it now. idk i just cant be friends with someone who wont answer my messages like how the fuck are we supposed to talk if you dont even respond. im talking to myself at this point.

and my close close friends do this to me too so its making me become more distant with them because my biggest mode of communication is through text. because realistically i NEVERRRRRRRR see my friends. its a once every three months event okay. so you cannot judge me for being a big texter and wanting my friends to respond to me. i really dont want to feel like im fucking begging for your attention. i shouldnt HAVE to beg for your attention. I pretty much have two friends i send everything to and they're both out of state so... i cant even get my fucking in state friends to talk to me.

all of this to say im angry and lonely. im always angry in some form, im like the fucking hulk bro it takes the smallest fucking thing to set me off. and im so lonely all the fucking time cuz as you can tell, my friends dont fucking text me, i dont have any siblings either so its like wtf do i do. The only time i get human interaction is at work with stupid fucking customers. also dont have a partner cuz i didnt experience romantic love in high school or college so i fear its over for me. 25, havent been in a single relationship. not even joking bro not 1. ive had maybe 3 people like me before: my friend in HS when i wasnt even romantically processing things yet, a dude from work who only wanted to fuck, and a friend from college who iced me out when i said no.

idk i think thats SO comforting only having 3 people in your entire 25 years to be interested in you. that i know of at least. but out of those 3, only 1 asked me out so its like ok. even when i go out with friends they're the ones that get approached or flirted with by everyone. like at blacksmithing dude the cute instructors were flirting w all my friends and then when they got to me they'd be talking all business... cool thanks i get it im ugly as shit ok. i dont think theres ever been a girl or guy in public thats even checked me out. girls dont even go for me so thats fucking great. idk dude this type of shit makes me feel like im genuinely ugly. i know thats probably not true but thats how i see myself and how ive seen myself for years. i have never liked my face. ever. its always been my biggest insecurity. when covid first started and we wore masks i was fucking thriving having half my face covered. i looked so much better.

cant even try dating apps bc im demisexual so i cant even build a connection like that. and this time is all about hook up culture and friends w benefits its like i dont want that shit bro. i want an emotional connection with someone first before it gets physical because im fucking scared. I already hate myself so why would i let some stranger see my gross naked body bro ew. i cant do this dating shit brother i am genuonely about to be single for the rest of my goddamn life. which might be the end of me considering no one can fucking afford to live by themselves anymore and i REALLY dont want to live with a friend and their partner cuz that would just make me fucking depressed about my own love life.

screw the fucking world. im over this stupid ass shit dude, people fucking suck. relationships suck. friends suck. work sucks. life fucking sucks. cant afford to do anything, 25, still living at my fucking moms house. its like im stuck int he same spot and not moving forward. time seriously stopped in 2020 cuz what the fuck do you mean im 25 and not 20. i lost sooo much time to the pandemic and it made me worse. it made me more anxious, more depressed, more scared to go outside and enjoy life. like i used to be so productive. I was going to school and working 40 hrs a week. and now im only working 42hrs a week and i can barely get out of bed on my days off.

as i get older it just seems like life gets worse and worse. like i dont see this picking up at all. i literally only see a downward spiral from here.

life is absolute hell that is only sprinkled with good moments. idk if the good moments are enough to outweigh the bad at this point. idek if i want to make it to 30. im so miserable here. i dont even have any family in this stupid state except my mom. llike i dont have siblings and i barely have a fucking family either. dont talk to my aunt or cousins, dont talk to my oma cuz she hates me, barely talk to my other grandparents bc they're insane. its like i literally only have my mom. ,everyone else i know can go swing by their cousins place and hang out or spend the night. ive never been able to do that. my aunt left the state two months before my mom had me. like literally everyone related to me has moved away. like if i was close with my cousins at least thered be SOME family i could actually talk to and be close to. nah dude. its just me and my mom, literally. that is so fucking sad.

god help me bro

[dontfeeltoohot]

Hi! I hope recovery is going well!

If you’re up to it, I’ve come to request a S/T fic where maybe Steve catches wind from Dustin that Eddie is out sick. Cue Steve showing up at the trailer after class to find Eddie with like the worst cold ever.

I don’t know how well we think Eddie takes care of himself, but however Steve attempts to help him feel better is up to you!!

He picks Dustin up from school, that's what starts it all. He tries to be nice and this is what happens. The second the kid gets in his car, the whining starts, and doesn't stop until they get to the Henderson household.

"-ut we can't play without him, he's the dungeon master!"

"Dude, I get it. Munson is sick so DnD can't happen. That sucks, but what're you gonna do, go to his place and make him play? Just wait till next week."

"Oh, we don't play at his place, usually it's at Mikes. He lives in a tiny trailer across from Max, waaay too small to fit us all in there. And no, I want him to get better, it just sucks ass."

"Hey! Don't say that kind of shit," Steve gripes. "Look, maybe he'll be fine tomorrow and you guys can do it then. Maybe he just doesn't wanna deal with all you twerps, needs some time alone, and he's fine. Don't get your panties in a twist."

"No, you didn't hear him this morning, he sounded like death Steve, literal death."

Steve rolls his eyes, knowing how easy it is to fake a sick voice and a few coughs. It's what got him out a week in ninth grade.

"Yeah yeah, whatever Henderson. I've got a date, so get your ass moving," the older of the two leans over and pushes open the passenger door.

"Wait, with who?"

"None of your business. Now go."

"I bet it's that Allie girl fr-"

"Go."

Steve's on his way home when he sees the pharmacy on main street. It's neon sign seems especially bright today, even though it's sunny. He's about to drive past it when Henderson's dumb voice floats through his head.

"He sounded like death Steve, literal death."

Hitting his steering wheel and huffing, Steve hangs a right as quickly as he can, pulling into an open parking spot. He sits in his car, debating if he should even care, but then Eddie's big brown eyes float into his memory, the way he'd looked at him with such attention, like no body else mattered, when they'd talked in the upside down. He thinks back to Eddie looking at him in the RV, how he'd teased him. God damn Eddie Munson and his ability to be cute, hot, and a menace all at the same time.

Entering the small store, Steve looks around, giving a smile to the woman at the counter, before going to hunt around. He realizes as he stares at the plethora of medicine in front of him, that he should have asked Dustin exactly what was wrong with the guy. Having only 'sounded like death' to go off of isn't very helpful. Did he have a stomach thing and was throwing up? Was he coughing? Why did this all have to be so complicated, why wasn't there just a cure all for everything?!

Knowing he still has a date in an hour and a half, Steve grabs Tylenol in case he has a fever, then grabs DayCare, that says it's good for coughing and sneezing and congestion and sore throats. Sounds like pretty much everything to him. He picks up a box of tissues, and then, on a whim, he grabs two cokes and a box of honeycomb cereal- should he get him real food? Probably. But he doesn't have that kind of time, and he knows Eddie likes the cereal. He ignores the odd look the cashier gives him and takes his paper bag, jogging back out to his car so he'll still have time to freshen up before his date with Allie.

Remembering that Dustin had said Munson lives across from Max, he pulls into the trailer park and looks around. There's one diagonal from her that looks promising once he sees the old van parked next to it. Parking behind it, Steve gets out, grabbing the bag at the last second, almost forgetting it. Shoving one hand into his Members Only jacket, he uses the other to knock on the door, shivering. Late autumn in Hawkins is cold, and he can practically see his breath as he stands there. When no one comes to the door, Steve knocks harder and longer. Still no answer. Sighing, the nineteen year old turns to go but stops when he hears the door open behind him. Flipping back around, he winces at the sight in front of him.

Eddie Munson, in all his rock and roll, long haired glory is standing in front of him and while Dustin had said he sounded like death, Steve can't help but think he looks like death too. He's wearing sweatpants and an old looking Iron Maiden shirt. His skin is pale and the dark circles under his eyes look like something that could rival a raccoon. His long curls are messy and not as bouncy as usual, but what really stands out is his nose. The tip and underside are a flushed pink, and his nostrils are bright like they've been rubbed raw.

"Harri'gton?"

Even just that one word makes Steve frown. His voice is thoroughly congested, to the point it almost sounds fake. It's lowered half an octave too, subtly raspy. Without the congestion, Steve might even categorize it as hot. Which...yeah okay, he's been trying desperately to push those feelings down, but that voice is just...too good.

"What're you doi'g here?"

Looking at the man again, Steve notices that he's half leaning into the door way, so he holds up the paper bag, hoping it'll help. Before he can say more and explain, a quiet sound escapes Eddie, something between a gasp and whimper, and then he turns away, raising his arm up over his mouth and nose.

"h'Gkt! ihKT! h'ighkt'uh!"

Aimed into his arm and covered courteously, Eddie sneezes. They sound tired and like they hurt. The sniffle he gives after makes Steve want to urge him to blow his nose, which, right, he has tissues in the bag too.

"Bless you, uh...you should probably close the door, you're gonna make yourself worse with how cold it is."

Big brown eyes dull and tired, Eddie blinks and then nods, but only continues to stand and stare at Steve.

"Can I come inside? It's freezing and I have stuff to give you." The words seem to jolt Eddie back into reality enough to nod, letting him in.

Steve's never actually been inside a trailer before. Eddie's isn't what he'd imagined, but it's not bad. There's just....a lot of things. Everywhere. After taking everything in quickly, he looks back to the curly haired man next to him, who's now sitting on the couch, where a nest of blankets are, along with a small trashcan that's overflowing with tissues.

"I got you medicine."

Eddie's brows knit together and he looks at Steve like he's trying to figure out if he's joking, so Steve takes the medicine, tissues, drinks and cereal out. At the cereal, Eddie's eyes brighten a bit.

"Tha'gk you," he snuffles into a new tissue and holds it tightly against his mouth and nose, turning away. "ihngXt! h'GKt'uh! ihkTSCH!"

"I uh, I hope that's what you need, I wasn't really sure what you were sick with...sounds like a cold from hell thought."

Eddie laughs a little, which turns into a wheezy cough that seems to drag on forever. Steve manages to find a cup that looks mostly clean, fills it with tap water, then hands it to Eddie, who takes it gratefully.

"S-Sorry," he mumbles, looking far too sleepy for his own good, and far too soft.

"It's fine Munson, you're sick. I'll let you get back to sleeping, but uh. Take the meds okay? It'll help."

Eddie does while Steve is still watching him, then lays back in his blanket nest, nose running. Steve almost leans down to press a kiss to his head, but instead heads out, trying not to think of big brown eyes and curly hair while he looks at Allie in the seat next to him an hour later.

[leafs-lover]

Because Two People Got Drunk: 11

Series Masterlist

A/N: Never be with someone like Mike, find someone who has respect for you and everyone they meet!

Summary: You bring Oliver to some team functions and meet some of the wags and players. You test out the dating pool for the first time since getting pregnant.

Warnings: Angst, swearing

Word Count: 4100

Chapter 11

January 26, 2022

Fred returns from a morning skate, with a game later that night. He has a small bag in his hand that he sets on the coffee table before sitting beside you on the couch as Oliver is lying on his play mat.

“Hey can I talk to you for a sec?” he asks.

“Yeah”

“So I was wondering if you wanted to come with Oliver to the game tonight.”

You stare at him, not completely unreasonable. Most wags brought their kids to games or at least warm ups. Even though you weren’t a wag you were the only person who could bring Ollie, as you hadn’t even discussed if there was a need for a part time nanny. What else would you be doing on this Wednesday night?

“If you think he is too young or are uncomfortable with it, it’s not -"

“Yeah let’s do it. He’s more active and alert I think he’ll love to go.”

Fred smiles “good cause I got him this." He leans forward to grab the bag, he reaches in the bag to pull out a very tiny Penguin’s home jersey, it has his number but instead of his last name it says daddy . “His last one was getting a little tight” he says as you smile.

“You knew I was going to say yes this whole time.”

“I feel like I know you pretty well, and it’s for 3-6 months. I figured at some point in the next three months you would bring him so he can see his old man play” he says picking up Oliver who reaches for his dads face smiling.

You chuckle lightly. Fred kisses Oliver’s head “I’ll get a ride to and from the game so you can take my car with the car seat and leave early if needed. I’m going to go nap” he says handing you Oliver.

Later that night you pull up to the underground parking for family and players. You pull the car seat out and his diaper bag as you drop your purse “damn little lands” you mumble.

“Oh, let me help you" you hear as someone reaches down and grabs your purse for you “I’m Kathy, Sidney’s girlfriend. You must be (Y/N) I heard you would be coming tonight.” She says taking the diaper bag from your shoulder.

“Thanks, I didn’t think I needed a stroller for the small walk into the building,” you say smiling “probably could have helped.” You make small talk as she leads you to the WAG lounge where you are introduced to more beautiful women.

“Oh he has Fred’s eyes” one says “and his hair.” You pull him from the car seat and hand him off to Christina. You make casual conversation with them “want to go down for the warm up?” Kathy asks.

You nod scooping up Oliver, laughing as the women groan and grumble “don’t worry I’ll be back ladies” you say taking his little hand to wave goodbye.

“They can be a lot sometimes” Kathy starts “but they are great girls. We’re like a family, a bunch of sisters” you nod as you approach the glass. Fred see’s you and skates to the glass taping in front of Oliver’s face, Oliver stares at him.

You shift Oliver, instead of lying in your arms he is upright looking through the glass at Fred. Fred continues tapping on the glass smiling at his son.

“Oh that’s so cute” Kathy says.

“Yeah he is the best dad. Oliver’s really lucky” you start staring at your son “but so am I. This has been a crazy few months and although it’s not an ideal situation I wouldn’t want it with anyone else.” Fred skates away as the warmup is done up as you and Kathy find your seats.

“How are you doing with all this?” she gestures around the rink.

“For the most part he has kept it all pretty private. I mean even when he was born the team labelled it a ‘personal situation’ to the press, they didn’t say the birth of his son. I honestly don’t know if anyone outside last year’s leafs and some of this year pens know about him. Fred hasn’t posted anything on social media but he doesn’t put a whole lot on there.”

“How are you doing with the living situation, I know you are staying at Fred’s.”

“Yeah it’s been good; there have been these moments of like tension sometimes. Or at least I think there have been, maybe I’m imagining it, I don’t know.”

“Tension? Like fights?”

“No, more like sexual tension” You start as Kathy nods. “But I’m not sure. I think it will be better once I find a place of my own.”

“Oh Fred didn’t mention you were leaving.”

“Yeah I haven’t brought it up to him, I mentioned it back when I was pregnant but we decided to play it out.  I think it will be better if I leave, then we can date if we want too.”

“Do you want to date?”

“I don’t know, I was at a coffee shop the other day and started talking to someone while in line and gave him my number.” Kathy keeps staring at you “He has messaged me a bit, wants to meet up but I don’t know if I’m ready yet.”

Just as she is about to respond Oliver starts to cry “it’s probably the noise cancelling headphones, he is not a fan of them” you explain. Kathy nods as you head to the suite. You feed Oliver and change him into his penguin pyjamas as you set him in the car seat.

“Oh don’t leave” Christina cries.

“I can stick around for a bit, it’s just easier to have him in there in case he falls asleep later on.”

“Nonsense” she says grabbing him and scooping him up. “He will be perfectly fine right here” and he watched the remainder of the game being passed around between the women. When the final buzzer goes the Penguins have beat the senators 3-0, you didn’t mean to stay the whole time but Oliver didn’t fuss much and you were distracted talking to the girls.

Kathy leads you down to the area where you can wait for Fred after the game. Slowly players begin to trickle out, when Sidney comes out wrapping his arms around Kathy giving her a light kiss.

He turns to you “You must be (Y/N) and this guy must be Oliver” he says bending down to look at Oliver, who is asleep in his car seat on the floor.

“Yeah it’s nice to meet you.”

“Fred should be out soon, the media always has questions for the goalie after a shutout. Must have been his good luck charms he brought tonight” he gives you a soft smile. “Yeah” you chuckle in response.

“Well we better get going. Bye (Y/N). Nice meeting you” Sid says. “Yeah you too.”

Fred slowly strolls out a few minutes later looking down at his phone. He has on a black three piece game day suit, with his tie loosely hung around his neck.  The top two buttons of his shirt are undone providing you a glance at his chest, his hair was thrown to one side partially wet from the shower, seeing him like this makes you weak in the knees. He almost walks by until you call his name.

“Hey” he pulls you in for a hug. You smell his cologne mixed with his body wash, being pressed up against him breathing him causes your throat to catch. “I’m surprised you guys are still here.”

“Yeah the girls didn’t want to let go of him all night, I think they held onto him so he couldn’t leave.” He chuckles into your hair.

“Whatever the reason I’m glad you’re here” he says releasing you and picking up the car seat.

January 27, 2022

You wake up with Oliver and feed him leaving him on his play mat. As you are brewing coffee you hear Fred’s feet on the hardwood in the living room. He walks over to Ollie scooping him up from his swing “morning” he says.

“Morning. Coffee’s on, I’m going to go shower” you state heading down the hall. After your shower you return and hear Fred talking in hushed tones in the kitchen. “I don’t understand how this happened, I should have been consulted first.” You turn the corner from the hall to the kitchen and see he is on the phone “I have to go” he spits out before hanging up.

“Everything okay?” you question as you go to make a coffee.

“I have to tell you something” he starts as you sit at the island, Fred sits beside you holding Ollie in his lap. “So last night when you came to the game the Pen’s social media took some footage of you two.”

“Okay…” you respond waiting for him to continue.

“When you brought him to the glass they took a video of you holding him and put it on their story. They also took a picture where you can see the 3 of us. In both of these you can see his jersey that says Daddy on the back. The picture was posted that on their actual Instagram page after the game, with some caption about being daddy’s good luck charm.”

You casually take a sip of your coffee “and you are upset about this?” you question.

“Well I mean yeah. I have kept him hidden from my life, and I feel like I should have posted a picture of him before the team” you nod. “But you aren’t upset?” He asks kind of confused.

“I mean his dad is a professional athlete so I would be naïve to think he wouldn’t be photographed from time to time. But I don’t care if you keep him 100% hidden from that part of your life. It’s your choice, because it’s your career that will bring him into the light. If you want to post pictures you can, he is your son I won’t be upset about it. I’m not upset that his picture is posted but I get why it’s upsetting the team doing it before you.”

“You don’t care if I post pictures of him?”

“No. I post pictures of him all the time.” “Yeah but you are set to private.” “Would it bother you if I was set to public and posted pictures of him.”

“Well no, not at all.”

“Well that’s how I feel. He is your son so if you want to post pictures or videos post them, if you don’t want to then don’t. It’s your choice.”

“Are you upset about your face being shown in the picture?” he asks.

You shrug before answering “well they didn’t tag me in it. And nobody knows who I am, so I doubt people will be able to figure out who I am or find my page. And even if they do I’m private, I don’t accept people I don’t know so it’s not a big deal to me.”

“Oh I was mostly upset because I thought you would be. But since you’re not I guess I can call the team back before someone gets fired over it.”

“Good idea” you laugh. Fred hands you Ollie and stands up, just as he is leaving the room he turns around. “We have a family event this Sunday with the team.” He starts before pausing briefly “You guys want to come?”

“Of course” you smile, bouncing Oliver on your leg “it will be fun” you continue leaning in to kiss his cheek as he laughs. Fred stops and comes over to him “is that the first time he’s laughed?” he exclaims.

“Yeah it is! Quick get your phone!”

Fred pulls his phone out to videotape him “do it again” he says. You lean in kissing his cheek as you gently tickle his side. Oliver’s cute baby laughter fills the room as you continue doing it. Oliver stops and Fred turns the camera off kissing the top of Oliver’s head as he leans in to hug you. He kisses your hair “I can’t believe he did that” Fred whispers. He holds you for maybe a little too long before you chime in “Do you think you can watch Oliver tonight?” you question.

He pulls away “yeah of course. You going somewhere or just need a night off?”

“Um yeah… I was invited out to dinner” you answer shifting your eyes to Oliver “with Mike.”

You bounce Oliver a few times before you hear “like a date?”

You look up and see the disappointment in his eyes “I think so.”

“Oh. Well yeah Ollie and I will have a great time” he says scooping him from your arms “won’t we buddy.”

Later that day you are finishing getting ready for you date, Mike said he would pick you up at 7. It’s about 6:30 now. You straightened your hair and done your makeup as you stand looking into your closet. You settle on a simple black dress, has 3/4 sleeves with a high neck and ends just above your knees. You pair it with some high black boots. You walk out into the living room and see Fred carrying Oliver to the couch with a bottle in his hand. He tries to be subtly but you see his eyes lingering longer than they should, “you look nice” he says.

“Thanks” you say lightly.

Mike shows up late, at 7:20 and doesn’t even acknowledge that he is late, Fred went down to his room a little while ago, likely to avoid any awkward situations. He hands you a bouquet of roses “thanks” you say taking them from him “let me just put them in some water.” You walk to the kitchen, leaving Mike at the door to find a vase. You quickly place them in the corner of the kitchen before leaving with Mike.

The drive is painfully slow, the man beside you doesn’t seem like the man you met or have been texting with. He has told you multiple stories about “hanging with the guys” and some of the stuff that they do. He originally seemed sweet but at now he is coming across as a dick.

“Can you believe she brought us that?” he scoffs. “Like who wants the ’77, that wine is just trash.” You stare at him, unsure on how to respond. It seemed like a simple mistake to you, not something to berate the waitress over.

“What do you do for work?” he finally asks after an hour of talking about himself.

You shift slightly in your seat “I um work for an environmental consulting firm back in Toronto.”

“Oh why are you in Pittsburgh then?”

You take a deep breath “I am here on maternity leave, my sons father lives here so I came here.”

“Oh that’s awesome I love kids” he says, but somehow you don’t believe him. “So you heading back there after maternity leave or are you moving here for good?”

“Yeah I plan on leaving after my leave is over. I don’t have visas or a job to work down here” you say as you see a devilish grin come across his face. “So you’re not looking for something too serious then eh?” You aren’t sure how to process his question, but it is becoming very apparent to you what he is expecting from this.

As dinner wraps up you continue to become annoyed by Mike, he is continuously rude to the staff at the restaurant.

“Any dessert tonight?” your server asks.

Mike looks to you “I’m actually pretty full” you say lightly, trying to get out of this date as soon as possible. “Just the cheque please” Mike says to her.

After paying Mike heads to the bathroom. You put your coat on and look at the bill and realize he provided an extremely low tip. “What a dick” you mutter as you pull two twenties from your wallet and quickly slide them in the envelope.

“You ready?” you hear from behind you as you pull your hair out from inside your coat. You turn to walk in front of him, putting your hands in your pocket.

During the drive home he reaches over and rests his right hand on your thigh and begins sliding it up your leg. You grab his hand and push it off your leg toward the steering wheel. About 10 minutes in to the date you knew you weren’t going to see him again, and you wish you had of walked out then. He pulls up and parks in front of your building, you undo your seatbelt as you reach for your bag.

“Thanks for dinner” you say reaching for the door. You feel him reach across and turn your face to look at him. He leans in for a kiss as his hand firmly grips your leg. He begins sliding up, lifting the hem of your dress. You turn away from him “I feel like you got the wrong impression” you say removing his hand from your leg “I’m not interested in seeing you again.”

“You don’t need to see me again, just keep seeing me a little bit longer tonight” he moves you hair behind your ear “it will be fun.” His hand is back on your leg when you forcefully push him off you and quickly reach for the door practically running out the door.

You run to the elevator, your heart pacing as you step in trying to calm yourself. You don’t stop running until you are inside your apartment with the door locked behind you. You walk into the apartment the lights are off, but you can see the TV glow coming from Fred’s door indicating he is still awake. You kick your shoes and coat off as you walk to the kitchen to get a drink. You notice Fred moved the flowers to the middle of the island to be on display. Normally something so sweet would make you smile, but seeing them makes you angry.

Seeing them just reminds you of how big of a douche Mike was, and how terrible tonight was. You reach for the flowers to throw them in the trash but instead knock it the vase over, shattering on the floor.

You bend down picking up some of the larger pieces by hand. You are so agitated and stressed by the night’s events tears begin to build in your eyes. Through your blurry eyes you feel a piece of glass cut your palm as you mumble “fuck.”

“You okay?” you hear Fred question. “Yeah” you whisper. Fred see’s you gripping your hand, with blood dripping down.

“You’re bleeding, you’re not okay” he says leading you to the sink. He helps rinse your hand, he runs his thumb over the cut “I don’t think there is any glass in there. Stay here I’ll get some bandages.”

He comes back into the room with a first aid kit, and places some bandages on your palm.

“That should do it” he says.

“Thanks” you mutter.

Fred walks away to grab the broom and begins to sweep up the smaller pieces as you start cleaning up the water. The mess is cleaned but you are still on your knees with paper towel. You don’t want to stand up and let Fred see you cry so you are trying to stifle your tears.

Fred bends down beside you “It’s just a vase and some flowers, it’s not a big deal” he says tilting your chin up and wiping your tears. “I don’t care about the stupid flowers, I was trying to throw them out.”

“Why?” he questions.

“Date was that good” you mumble.

Fred pulls you in for a hug “want to talk about it?” he asks.

“No I want to put on pyjamas and forget tonight happened” you say before abruptly walking away to your room.

January 30, 2020

You and Fred haven’t discussed your date or that night since it happened. Today is the day of the family skate, you arrive dressed in jeans with a light sweater and bomber jacket, with a Pens toque Fred made you wear. Fred leads you to a dressing room handing you some skates “oh if I knew we were skating I could have brought my own. I played growing up a bit.”

“Oh I didn’t know, can’t wait to be dazzled by your skating abilities” he teases.

“I stopped playing the year my parents died. I started up again in college, but I’m not the best.”

“So I should carry Ollie.”

“Yes, 100%” you respond. After strapping his skates on he puts on the baby carrier sliding Oliver into the front of it. He looked so small pressed up against Fred’s chest in his snowsuit. “Oh he is so cute” you hear a wife say.

Fred grabs your hand and leads you to the ice “you ready to see mama’s skating abilities?” he questions touching Oliver’s cheek. You step on and begin skating, turning around to go backward too “Impressive” he says catching up to you. You do a few more laps before you begin to lose your balance when Fred sticks his hand under your elbow to support you. You skate a few more times before heading to get some water where you make casual conversation with Sid, Evgeni and Anna. “What are they talking about?” Evgeni questions. You all look to centre ice seeing Kathy talking to Freddie, in what appears to be an intense conversation. “Who knows” you shrug.

“That video Fred posted was adorable” Anna says.

“What video?” “The one with you and Oliver and he is laughing. It’s just the cutest. Baby laughs are the best.” You smile “yeah.” You aren’t surprised that Fred posted something of Oliver but you are surprised he posted with you in it.

Shortly after you all get off the ice and head to the team dinner. Fred places Oliver’s car seat on the floor and sits at the end of the bench so he can keep an eye on him. You sit beside him as Kathy and Sidney sit across from you. The four of you sit there drinking as the night wears on, your wine glass almost never emptying as Kathy keeps refilling it.

“So we’re going to watch Oliver for a night in the near future” Kathy says to Sidney.

“Oh really?” he questions

“Yeah give them a night off and get us some practice for when we have one” she quips and Sid chuckles lightly. You give Fred a light glance and he shrugs, but you know he knows what she is talking about. He leaves to change and feed Oliver, returning beside you but this time sitting closer to you. He puts his left hand on the bench behind you, gently grazing your ass as your breath gets caught in your throat. You sit there as you finally check your watch realizing its 9:30.

“Whoa, we should get going eh Fred” you say showing him the time.

“Yeah we better get the little guy to bed.”

 Dress for you date:

Next Chapter 

[philthepegacornfics]

Why Won’t You Love Me? Part 2

Michael Clifford x Reader

Part 1

Word Count: 3k+

Trigger Warnings: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, unwanted sexual advances (not by Mikey)

Your POV

I let out a sigh as I leaned towards the mirror, applying mascara. As I moved to my left eye after finishing my right, I heard my front door open and close. I frowned at myself in the mirror. It had been locked. And the only other person who has a key to my place was Michael. And as far as I knew, he was in Europe.

“Mikey?” I called out. My voice was a little shaky. 

“Hey, (Y/n),” Michael’s voice called back.

Letting out the breath I was holding, I quickly finished applying my makeup.

“You scared me. I thought you were in Europe still.” I twisted the cap close on the mascara.

“We got back early. I wanted to surprise you.”

“Well, it makes sense now that you haven’t responded to me in over twelve hours,” I chuckled.

“I’m surprised that you didn’t catch on,” Michael chuckled, entering the doorway of my bathroom. He froze when he saw me.

I was wearing my favourite casual dress, my hair was styled, and I had a full face of makeup on. Usually when he comes over, I’m in sweatpants and a t-shirt. I couldn’t help but blush under his gaze.

“Well, in my defense, I thought you were either sleeping or busy.”

“That’s fair,” he said, looking away from me. “Hey um… I need to tell you something.” He moved his right hand to scratch the back of his neck. 

“What is it?”

“I need… I need you to know that… I… you look really nice in that dress. It looks good on you,” he blushed, licking his lips.

“Thank you Mikey,” I smiled.

“Where are you headed out to?”

“Oh… I.. I um…” I stuttered. I took a deep breath before starting over, “I’m headed out to my date.”

Michael’s eyes widened. I watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed. He quickly recovered and nodded his head, saying “I hope you have fun.”

“Me too,” I gave him a weak smile.

As I moved out of the bathroom, Michael moved out of my way. I could feel his eyes on me as I put on my heels and gathered my purse. After I made sure that I had everything, I walked over and stood in front of Michael.

“I gotta go now. You’re welcome to stay here, I’ll be back in a couple of hours,” I said looking up at him.

He reached his arms out and pulled me into a hug before whispering into my ear, “I’m sorry (Y/n). You deserve this. You deserve to be happy.”

His words made my heart ache. I took some deep breaths, letting the smell of him overwhelm me. I was excited to be going on a date. It had been over a year since my last one. But, what I really wanted was to be on a date with Michael. That’s what would really make me happy.

“Aww, Mikey. You’re going to make me cry,” I whined into his chest.

I felt him shake as he let out a small laugh. “Wouldn’t want that, would we.” He pulled out of the hug. “Now go knock ‘em dead.”

I beamed up at him and headed out the door. I moved to my car and climbed in. As I drove the familiar path to A Bar Named Sue, I couldn’t help but think how tacky it was that Kyle picked the place he worked for our first date.

When I was hesitant about the place, he told me that it was special to him. Pointing out that it’s where we met. I reluctantly agreed. It felt weird to me though because that’s where Mikey and I would go to hang out. It was special to me too because of Michael.

I pulled into the parking lot ten minutes later. I took a deep breath to ease my nerves before heading inside. The bar was crowded and music played loudly. I made my way through the crowd looking for Kyle; I found him at Mikey and my usual spot.

“Hey!” I yelled over the music.

He looked up at me and smiled, giving me a small wave. “You look pretty,” he said when I was close enough to hear him.

“Thank you.”

“I hope you don’t mind, but I ordered nachos for us to share and a couple of beers.”

“That works,” I nodded my head, sitting down next to him.

Kyle started talking about something, but I wasn’t paying too much attention. I was busy taking in his appearance. He had gotten a haircut, making his already short brown hair shorter. I didn’t really like it. I prefer hair longer so I can play with it. Long and blonde. Or some other fun colour that wasn’t considered normal.

His brown eyes were searching my face. I simply smiled to encourage him to keep talking. He did. Michael would’ve stopped to make sure I was okay. His grassy green eyes wouldn’t leave mine until I told him what I was thinking. I couldn’t help but frown to myself.

“Right?” Kyle laughed, bringing me back to the conversation. “That was my reaction too!” He mimicked my face for a moment before smiling again. Were his teeth always so yellow?

I let out a polite laugh. A waitress then came over balancing the nachos and two beers in her hands.

“Here ya go,” she said, placing them on the table. She brushed her body against Kyle’s as she set everything near him.

“Thanks Trish. You look nice as always,” he said, eyeing her up and down.

She snorted and lightly shoved his shoulder. “You should see me in a dress.”

“I’d like to see that,” he gave a lopsided grin.

I cleared my throat loudly, reminding them of my presence.

Kyle looked at me as Trish rolled her eyes.

“Trish, this is (Y/n). (Y/n), this is Trish,” he introduced.

“Nice to meet you,” I smiled at her.

Trish leaned over to Kyle and spoke loud enough for me to hear over the music, “She’s trying a little hard for a bar, don’t ya think?”

Heat rose to my cheeks in embarrassment. Kyle only laughed.

“Well, I’ll leave ya to it!” Trish said loudly before walking away with a wink in Kyle’s direction. He watched her walk away.

After she had disappeared into the crowd, Kyle turned toward the nachos and started stuffing his face. I reached over and grabbed one of the beers. I started sipping on it while he ate.

Once the nachos were almost gone, he turned to me and spoke with his mouth full, “Did you want some?”

I nodded my head. He pushed the tray towards me, revealing only two chips left. I quickly ate them.

“Do you wanna play some pool?” Kyle asked.

“Yeah, sure.”

I quickly down the rest of my beer and got up from the table. Kyle followed my lead. He walked behind me as we made our way to an empty table in the back. He quickly racked the balls and took the first shot. None of the balls went in, so it was my turn.

As I moved around the table to find a good spot, Kyle stayed close. I leaned down to position myself, he moved behind me. His arms wrapped around me.

“Here, let me guide you,” he whispered in my ear.

“Oh, that’s okay,” I spoke quickly.

“I insist.”

One of his hands rested on top of mine on the pool stick. His other hand moved up my side and down my arm to my other hand. His body was pushed flushed against my back. I couldn’t move. My heart started to race. My breaths became shallow as anxiety filled my chest.

“You’re so pretty,” he somehow leaned in further. His check was pressed against mine. His breath smelled a mixture of nachos and alcohol, telling me that he was drinking before I arrived.

“Tha-thanks,” my voice quivered.

“And that dress,” he hummed. “I bet it’ll look even better on the floor.”

“O-oh?”

“Mhmm.” He moved his hands to my waist before moving them up and down. He started grinding his hips against me.

 My eyes went wide. I quickly side stepped and spun out of his grasp.

“Eager now, aren’t ya?” he chuckled. His brown eyes were almost black at that moment.

“No, I just… I’m getting pretty tired. I should head home.”

Kyle frowned for a moment, but quickly recovered. “So you wanna take this back to your place?”

“I mean, I want to go home, alone, and go to bed,” the words tumbled out of my mouth.

“What the fuck?” he furrowed his eyebrows. “Stop being a prude.”

“I’m not, I’m just getting tired.”

“You’re fucking that Mike guy, aren’t you?” he accused.

“N-no! He’s just a friend.”

“Then you are a prude!”

“I really should be going,” I said, stepping away from him.

As I started walking away, he yelled, “Fucking prude ass bitch!”

I picked up the pace as people turned and looked at me. The cool night air was like a shock to my system when I got outside. I quickly rushed to my car and slid into the front seat. Tears started streaming down my face.

I sniffled and wiped what tears I could away. “Get home first, (Y/n),” I said to myself.

The drive home felt longer than my drive there. 

As I pulled up, Michael’s car was still there. “Shit,” I muttered.

I got out of my car and made my way to the front door. I hesitated outside. Taking a deep breath, I pushed my way through and ran to my room. On my way, I caught a glance of Michael on the couch playing my Switch.

Once my bedroom door was closed behind me, I crumpled to the floor in front of it. A small sob escaped my throat as I cried.

There was a gentle knock on the door followed by Michael’s voice, “(Y/n)?”

I didn’t answer him, as I was sure he could hear my sniffles and the occasional cry that escaped my throat.

“(Y/n)? Can I come in?” he knocked again.

I remained silent, knowing if I tried talking, my tears would only get worse.

I heard Michael sigh on the other side of the door saying, “I’m coming in. Just yell if you don’t want me to.” He carefully started pushing open the door until it bumped into me. “Shit, sorry (Y/n).”

I shifted my position on the floor, putting my back against the wall on the side that the door opened. This allowed me to see out. I looked up at Michael who stood at his full height. His face was full of worry as he looked down at me. Slowly he sank down to the floor, putting his back against the wall opposite of mine.

“What happened?” Mikey’s voice was so soft as he tried to coax me into speaking.

“I… He…” I croaked. “You were right!” I buried my face into my hands as the rest of my body shook uncontrollably. 

Feeling his hand rest on my shoulder, I looked back up. He moved closer to the door and was now on his knees, using his other hand to balance himself. “I wish I wasn’t,” he muttered. “Let me in (Y/n). Let me help.”

I sniffled and slowly nodded my head. After I scooted away from the door, Michael pushed it open and crawled over to me. He moved his right hand to my cheek and used his thumb to gently wipe away some tears.

I had stopped crying with his actions. My stinging eyes and a dull ache in my chest was all that was left of the pain. I’ve always yearned for Mikey to hold me like this. I only wish the circumstances were different.

His green eyes were sad as they searched my face. “Come on, let’s get you changed,” he offered his hand while standing up.

I gingerly took his hand and stood up with him. He walked me over to my bed with my hand still in his. Michael then made a motion for me to sit down. I obeyed. He let go of my hand and kneeled on the floor, taking my heels off for me.

Once off, he grabbed them both and walked over to my closet, setting them on the floor. I watched silently as he searched my drawers. Finally finding some sweatpants, he pulled them out and started looking through my shirts. Lingering on one, he pulled it off the hanger.

“You know, I’ve been looking for this shirt,” he lightly joked, making his way back over to me.

When he got close, I was able to see which shirt he was talking about. It was an old, white Metallica shirt that had holes in it.

He took my hand in his again, and walked me to the bathroom. When we got there, he set the clothes down next to the sink. He moved both of his hands on either side of my waist and lifted me up. A small gasp escaped my lips when he set me on the counter.

He moved to start rummaging through the drawer until he found some makeup wipes. Pulling one out of the package, he stepped between my legs.

“Close your eyes,” he instructed.

I did as I was asked. I felt him using the wipe delicately against my eyelids. He started on my right, and moved to the left. Once he moved to my forehead, I opened my eyes and watched him work. He was focused on what he was doing, his tongue slightly sticking out in concentration. 

He did my cheeks, my nose, and finally my lips. As he did my bottom lip, he slightly pulled them down and watched them pop back into place. He stared at them for a moment before his eyes snapped back up to mine. He gave a small smile before throwing away the wipe in the trash.

“I’m going to let you get changed,” Michael spoke, walking out of the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

I hopped off of the counter with a small thud and changed my clothes. I looked into the mirror to see my face puffy from crying. There were still small traces of make up, but Michael did a pretty good job getting most of it off.

I turned on the sink and pulled out my face wash. After scrubbing my face and rinsing it off, I decided to brush my teeth as well. Once I was done, I opened the bathroom door to reveal Mikey standing on the other side waiting for me.

He reached out his hand, and took it without question. He led me back into my bedroom. As we got near the bed, he dropped my hand to start crawling in. He laid on his back and opened his arms towards me. I climbed in after him and laid on my side, body pressed against him. His arms wrapped around me, trying to pull me in closer. My head fell onto his chest.

“Are you going to tell me what happened?” he asked softly.

I paused for a moment before nodding my head. As I recalled everything that had happened, Mikey grew stiff underneath me.

“What a fucking asshole,” he finally spoke once I finished talking. “I’m so sorry (Y/n). That never should’ve happened. You don’t deserve that.”

“I know. I just want to forget that it ever happened.”

He hummed and started drawing random patterns on my back with his fingers. I closed my eyes and focused on the feeling. With the pleasant smell of Michael filling my nose and the sound of his steady heartbeat, it didn’t take long for me to start falling in and out of sleep.

“Are you asleep?” Michael whispered after a little bit.

I hummed in response, indicating to him that I was close.

“There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you for awhile now.”

“What’s that?” I murmured.

“I want you to know that I love you.”

“Aww, I love you too Mikey,” I smiled, cuddling further into his chest.

“No, I mean… I mean that I’m in love with you, (Y/n).” His voice sounded uncertain.

My heart started racing. Any trace of sleepiness leaving my body. I adjusted myself so I was slightly sitting up, so I was able to look at him. My eyes searched his face, waiting to see any indication for it being a joke. I watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed thickly.

“I know this is bad timing, but if I didn’t tell you now, I don’t think I ever could.”

“Is this a dream?”

He blinked at me.

“Because I’ve been in love with you for such a long time.”

He sat up slightly, putting weight onto his elbow. His face was inches from mine. “Really?” he mouthed.

I gave a small nod of my head. His free hand reached up and cupped my face, stroking his thumb against my cheek. I leaned into his touch.

“Why? Why’d you go on that date then?”

“Remember when you called me and I told you that I needed to make a change?” I sighed.

He gave a swift nod.

“The change I was talking about was you. I’ve been so helplessly head over heels for you, thinking you didn’t feel the same way. I told myself that I needed to just get over you.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” he whispered.

“I’m sorry too, I could’ve said something. But I was just-”

“Afraid?” he finished for me. His eyes drifted to my lips. His tongue stuck out and wetted his own.

“Yeah.” I slowly started leaning in.

“Well you don’t have to be anymore,” his breath fanned over my face.

He closed the distance between us and our lips collided. I closed my eyes as my heart began to race. Heat rushed to my cheeks as our mouths moved together. My whole body felt warm, and I couldn’t help but smile into the kiss.

He pulled away a moment later, ending it all too quickly.

“I love you (Y/n), and I’ll never do anything to hurt you,” he promised. His green eyes bore into me.

“I know, and I love you too Mikey.”

He gently pulled me down with him as he laid back into bed. We resumed our position with my head in his chest and his arms wrapped around me. I threw my leg in between his, tangling us closer together.

“If I wake up and this was all a dream, I’m going to be pissed,” I muttered.

Michael’s chest rumbled as he laughed. “This is real. I’ll still be here in the morning.”

“Good,” I nuzzled into him.

“Goodnight, (Y/n).”

“G’night, Mikey.”

~~~~~~~~

Taglist: @galcalirwin​ @baldcalum​ @aneclecticwriter​ @itjustkindahappenedreally​

[confusedqueergal]

Hardhearted

This is my story for the Secret Santa 2019 event  hosted by @itfandomprompts​

My gift goes to @nadurflaa​, I hope I did a decent job!

Pairing : Eddie Kapsbark/ Richie Tozier 

Wordcount: 3945

Summary: Eddie comes back home from college for the holidays and has a unpleasant surprise waiting for him.  

(trigger warning for homophobic comments) 

It was weird to be back, although it also felt good in a way. It had been more than 5 months since Eddie had seen any of his friends. If he was being honest, he had missed them quite a lot. It wasn’t as if they weren’t talking, rather they text everyday and call each other at least once during the week. It was nice to know that the distance hadn’t changed much to their friendship. Most of the Losers club had also gone away for college, except for Richie, who had taken his first year off to travel. Bev and Bill had both gone to Stanford, Stan had gone to NYU and Ben was studying in Colombia. Mike had gone to study in the community college, not so far from Derry itself. Besides Mike, Eddie was the one who stayed the closest to their home. 

Not that Eddie didn’t want to get as far away from Derry as all his other friends. He was afraid that if he left for college too fr y that he would lose sight of one particular boy. The one he had loved for so long. But now he was back, at least for a few weeks. As he got out of the cab he let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding back. With determination he walked towards his childhood home. 

It wasn’t normal to feel so anxious to see your mother after a few months. That never happened to other people, right? Eddie knew that his mother was nuts, but she was still his mother and as far as he knew his only family. His mother knew that he would be coming sometime today, so she didn’t act surprised when he opened the door. 

“Eddie, good, you’re here! Bring over the milk, would you”, her sharp tone ordered him as soon she noticed his arrival. Eddie rolled his eyes and sighed as he walked towards the kitchen. “Oh hello Eddie! how are you, Eddie? How was your trip back?”, the young adult muttered to himself as he walked back to the living room, where he now noticed his mother sitting with the town clown, Pennywise.

His name was actually Robert Gray, but the Losers Club has been calling him Pennywise for years now. The name started when other people would say that the man was wise, because of his age. Of course, being 10 year old boys the losers club decided that he was as wise as a penny, therefor the name Pennywise was created. 

Yes, it was silly, but it stuck and the Losers club wasn’t about to change a 10 year old name.

After giving the milk to his mother, Eddie sat down on the sofa, right next to Pennywise. 

“You should be grateful your mom wants you back in her house, boy”, the old clown snarled as Sonia put some milk in his coffee. 

“It was a mistake, wasn’t it, Eddi-kins”, Sonia laughed and took a sip from her coffee. Eddie frowned, not understanding what the two old bags were talking about. 

“What was a mistake, mother?”, he dared to ask. It was better to ask than to make assumption on what had her mad, if he had to believe Pennywise. 

“Oh, Edward, I was talking about the things you said before you left of course. I knew you were emotional about the fact that you would be leaving me and Derry, so I didn't say anything”, the woman smiled, but as always her smile didn’t reach her eyes. Those eyes always looked bleak, as if she never felt any emotion.

“Do you mean my coming out?”, Eddie asked taken back from the comments his mom had made two seconds ago . He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. It had taken him so long to accept himself and to be comfortable in his own skin and now that he had come out to his mother and peers, she batted it away as if it was nothing. As if his feelings weren’t valid. 

“If you want to call it that, then sure”, she said, indifferent to Eddie's distressed face. 

“Ha, coming out, that’s bullshit you young folks have invented. It’s ridiculous and you should just get your head out of your ass, boy”, Pennywise laughed and Sonia nodded in agreement.

“I am sorry if it’s bullshit to you, but coming out is a struggle for a lot of people not only ‘we young folks’”, Eddie snapped back. Okay, he is willing to accept backlash towards himself, but not when it’s about the whole community. Than he is going to say something.

“Sure, boy. It really is a struggle to chose to fuck around with another man. I am sure that if it was a real struggle you wouldn’t choose to do that shit.” 

Eddie was speechless, this conversation was starting to really bother him. He has to admit, he was tougher than he was two years ago, but the words coming from Pennywise, really pissed him off.

“Robert is right, Eddi-kins, I know it’s cool to participate with all those trends, but you don't have to pretend with me", was what Sonia said and Eddie had to push the tears back. He wasn't going to cry in front of this woman who he used to see as his mother and that monster of a man. 

"Oh come one, boy, you are getting soft if you can't handle a few comments from your mother", Pennywise hissed out after he noticed the young man tear up. 

"You need to get out of here, now!", a voice urged him as he felt more and more pathetic in the presence of the two elderly. 

Pennywise was still talking, venting about how soft and weak he was, but Eddie couldn't take it anymore. He tried to block the conversation out, until something caught his attention. 

"You are right, Robert, when I heard that my Eddi-kins was friend with that useless boy, Richard, I knew he would be bad news", Sonia exclaimed as response to the last comment that Pennywise had made. 

"What are you talking about?", Eddie snapped for the first time since entering the house. 

"I always knew that that Tozier kid would be trouble. He is clearly one of those fags and that has been a bad influence on you", Pennywise outright attacked Richie and that is something that made Eddie furious. 

“You don’t know shit! Richie is one of the best people I know and you are a monster, nothing more than a fucking clown!”, Eddie cried out in anger as he hit the table with his fist. 

Shit, that hurt, but right now he only felt angry and upset. 

“Edward! How dare you say that to Robert!? Apologize, right now!”, Sonia ordered her son, as she always did. She always wanted him to do what she wanted, he had to be a clean, good boy and he couldn’t take it anymore. 

“No, mother! I won’t apologize! I am not about to apologize to a clown after he insulted me and not to mention insulted my friend!”, Eddie snarled at Sonia. It was the first time he really stood up against her, besides that time when he couldn’t see his friends anymore. It felt good! Shit, it felt really good! Sonia looked in shock, but really, she should have seen it coming. After all these years of repressing her son, of controlling him, so it was bound to happen. 

Eddie felt the adrenaline rush through his vein as he tried to figure out what he should do now. He came to the conclusion that he couldn’t stay in this house, with this woman and even less in the same room as this clown. So he turned around and started to walk out of the room towards the door, where his luggage had been abandoned not even an hour ago. 

“Eddie! Eddie! Where are you going?!”, Sonia squealed and started following him outside the door, “Eddie! Come back here!”

“Bye Mother!”, Eddie called one more time and he started walking down the road. God, how it would have been better if he had a car, right now. 

Behind him he could hear his mother, still calling his name, but Eddie was determined, he wouldn’t let her manipulate him anymore. 

Without knowing where he was headed, he continued walking as the conversation kept repeating in his head on a loop. Gosh, how stupid could I have been, Eddie thought to himself. He had really thought that his mother had accepted him after she hadn’t said anything about his coming out. 

Minutes could have passes, maybe even a few hours until his legs came to a stop. He recognized the building as one of the newer apartment buildings in Derry. After a moment he realized that this was the building where Richie lived. The man had send the losers so many pictures of his new home, he seemed so proud to have found a place on his own. Eddie had been glad that Richie had found a place for himself, why that was, he didn’t know. Eddie had thought that he envied the boy, because he could live alone while Eddie still had to share a dorm with two other people. Thinking back, it might have been more than envy, but really, it isn’t time to think of that now! Eddie felt stupid for standing there, with his bag, looking at a building. 

He was sure that if someone saw him, they would think he was a creep. He had turned around to leave, when he heard: “Eddie?” 

If Eddie was being honest, he didn’t think of the fact that Richie might see him and right now he didn’t know what to do. Play it cool and pretend that he was just passing by? Or admit that he is somewhat upset and that he kind of wanted to be comforted? Before Eddie could make a decision Richie had already reached out and now he was standing in front of the young man. 

"Eddie? Are you okay?", of course he would notice if something was wrong. 

Eddie nodded and looked his friend in the eye for the first time since he addressed him. 

Richie's eyes were filled with worry where usually there was mischief. He placed his Hand on Eddie's arm, hoping the man would see it as Richie being there for him. 

"Come on, Eddie Spaghetti, you can tell me if something is bothering you, you know that right?", the nickname came over as something reassuring. Eddie chuckled. 

"Nothing's wrong , my mother was being my mother, as always." He figured that would be enough explanation. 

And it was. Richie nodded in understanding and he pointed at his car. "Do you want to go for a ride?" 

"Ehm, sure. But where should I put my stuff ?", Eddie asked, referring to the luggage that was by his side. 

"You can put it in my apartment, I'm guessing you need to have a place to stay so you can stay with me."

"Oh, no, it's fine. I'll a motel or something…" Eddie murmured shyly, not wanting to impose onto Richie. Not that he liked the idea of staying in a motel, in a bed where multiple other people have slept in before. 

"As if Eddie Kaspbark is going to willingly stay in a motel where other people have slept!", Richie laughed, giving the impression that he had read Eddie's previous thought. 

Eddie laughed a long and didn't mind saying anything. He knew that he wouldn't stay in a motel, meaning that he would be staying at Richie's. 

Richie started walking toward the front door and after they had put Eddie's bag in the apartment, they went downstairs again and got into the car. 

"Where too, Mister Eddie Spaghetti?", Richie asked as he started the engine. 

"Where ever you want to go, Richie Trashmouth", Eddie smiled at the man and off they went. 

The ride was quiet, but Eddie liked it that way. He had to admit that it was strange that Richie wasn't blabbing on and on, but he figured he was concentrated on the road.

After a while Richie came to a stop at the side of the road, but there was nothing there, not that Eddie could see. 

"Why are we here, Richie?", Eddie wondered as he looked at the man in the driver's seat. 

"You'll see", was what he replied and got out of the car. Eddie was confused, but trusted his friend and exited the car too. Richie had walked towards the edge of the road and looked before himself. Eddie came closer to Richie and finally understood why Richie had wanted to come here. The view was gorgeous. Derry seemed so beautiful from up here. 

"Richie, what a beautiful view…", Eddie breathed put and Richie nodded in agreement. The both of them were just there and stared at the scenery in front of them. 

Richie turned back to the car and sat down on its hood. "Are we staying here, Rich?", Eddie asked. 

"If you want, Eddie", he replied with a smirk. 

Eddie laughed and sat down next to him on the hood. The two of them were quiet, but it was comfortable. It didn't take long before the sun started setting and to say that the view was breathtaking was the understatement of the year. 

Eddie was sure he was staring with his mouth open wide. Richie's laugh made him realise he must look ridiculous and he shut his mouth, his whole face red from embarrassment. 

The silence continued and for once Eddie missed Richie's rambling, so he decided to speak up. 

"You're kind of freaking me out with this silent treatment", Eddie joked, but it sounded forced and not genuine at all. 

"I just thought you would appreciate the quiet, you always complain about my Trashmouth", he simply said. 

Oh… That wasn't something Eddie had expected. 

"I… I never mean that. I thought you knew that it was a joke", Eddie murmured guilty. He never meant to hurt his friend. 

"It's fine", Richie reassured him. 

The silence came back and Eddie couldn't take it. 

"It wasn't just my mother that upset me", he started. 

"Oh, want to talk about it?", Richie suggests and Eddie nodded. He took a deep breath and kept his gaze away from Richie, knowing that he would break if he did look at the boy he loved. 

"I got home from university today and as soon as I got inside she started ordering me around. She didn't even ask how my trip was", Eddie said sadly. 

"She wasn't alone, Pennywise was there."

"Pennywise!?", Richie exclaimed. Eddie nodded. 

"And you know how Pennywise is, he was saying stuff, but what hurt me is that mum agreed with him. I know she isn't the nicest. But you know after my coming out she didn't kick me out so I took that as a win. But no, she just thought that it was a mental breakdown and that I liked participating with "trends". ", Eddie was now shaking, he clenched his hand in a fist. He then hissed in pain as it was the hand that he had used to hit the table.

"I also kind of hit my fist against the table in the spur of the moment", he muttered.  At that Richie laughed and took the hand into his own and pressed a light kiss on it. Eddie's face heated up and he avoided making any eye contact. 

"I am so sorry, Eddie, they both can suck it. They are old, bigoted people and they don't change their mind that easily. ", Richie then said, his lips still against Eddie's knuckles. 

Eddie nodded, but he felt so helpless. His eyes were tearing up and he knew that he wouldn't be able to hold tears a second time today. It was when Richie wrapped his arms around his frail shoulders that Eddie started crying. 

"It's going to be okay, Eds, I promise", Richie shushed to Eddie and the crying boy felt the need to tell Richie that they had talked about him too. 

"It isn't that that upset me, not really. But Pennywise made a comment about you, after which my mother replied that you were bad influence", Eddie whispered, scared that he would upset Richie. 

"What did he say about me?", Richie asked, not one ounce of worry visible on his face. 

"He called you "one of those fags" and a "bad influence", the words were barely audible and Eddie wasn't sure if Richie had hear what he had said, because there was no reaction for a while. Until Richie started to laugh. Eddie looked at him as if he was going mad. What was happening, he didn't know. 

"At least the clown was right about one thing" 

It took a few seconds for Eddie to process that one sentence and he immediately started arguing. 

"Of course you're not a bad influence, you are one of my best friends and one of the best people I've ever known, don't you dare to suggest that you are a bad influence", Eddie ranted, pissed off, not believing that Richie out of all the people would say that about himself. 

Richie started laughing once more and now Eddie was lost, completely and utterly lost. 

"Why are you laughing now, you asshole!?", Eddie yelled and hit Richard on the arm. 

"Because I meant that he was right about me being a fag, not a bad influence, which was never the truth, by the way. Have you met me, I am the best!", Richie laughed so much he almost fell of the hood of the car. 

Is he joking? What does he mean by that? Why the hell would he say that? The questions raced through Eddie's mind. 

"Eds, calm down, I can hear the gears turning in your head."

It was Richie that spoke up first and to be honest with you, it did calm Eddie down. 

"I didn't know you were gay?", Eddie settles for that, feeling that it would be better than any other questions running in his head. 

Richie chuckled: "I know, I didn't really realize I was until last summer."

“Oh”

That was the only thing that Eddie could say. He wanted to ask so many things, say so many things, but he couldn’t mutter anything except ‘oh’. 

After that there was silence, comfortable silence, but silence nonetheless. Both men looked at the sky that slowly turned into a night sky, the colors changing from blue to purple to soft pink and orange.

“You know what made me realize I was gay?”, Richie said after a while and Eddie shook his head. Expecting Richie to tell him, he didn’t know why he was met with silence . he turned to look at his friend and saw him biting his lip, a thing he used to do when he was nervous about something. 

“You don’t have to share it with me, it’s something personal and you shouldn’t have-“, Eddie’s sentence was cut of with: “It was you, you made me realize.”

Eddie did not expect that. At all. Richie looked over at his friend, wanting to see his reaction. His mouth was slightly open and his eyes wide. Damn, he looked cute, Richie thought. 

“Come on, say something before I make a fool of myself”, Richie laughed and Eddie wanted to say something, he really did, but no words came out of his mouth 

“Sorry if I made this shit awkward, Eds. Just forget-”

Now it was Richie’s turn to be cut off, not by something Eddie said. No, Richie was cut off by something Eddie did. He had pressed his lips against those of Richie.

Fuck, he is kissing me! Oh, shit, this is really happening!

 Eddie had picked up all the courage that was in him and did something he had wanted to do for years now. And that felt good! God, that felt so good. Richie’s lips were rough under his own, but it was the best kiss he had ever had. Not that it was hard to surpass that, he had only been kissed twice in his life. 

The kiss could have lasted a few seconds, minutes or hours, Eddie had lost all concept of time, but that didn’t matter. Nothing mattered besides Richie, who was here, kissing him back. 

It is Richie that breaks of the kiss, still holding Eddie’s face. He didn’t know when he had cupped is cheek, but right now he didn’t want to let go of him. 

“You are the one that made me realize too, you know”, Eddie said shyly, as if he didn’t just do the bravest thing he had ever done. There was a faint blush coloring his cheeks and gosh, did he look good! It was amazing how much the person you loved made you feel. And that is what it was, love, because this wasn’t a silly little crush. Richie loved Eddie and he has loved him for years now. It was only this summer, when Eddie was packing for college, ready to leave, that Richie could pinpoint his feelings for his best friend. The thought of losing Eddie had been so painful, he hadn’t understand it at first. It was weird because it didn’t hurt when he thought of his other friends leaving, only Eddie leaving, that hurt as hell. 

And now, Eddie had kissed him, had admitted that Richie was special to him too and that, that gave him enough courage to say: “I love you, Eddie”

No silly nicknames, no joking, just real feelings and for once the truth. 

“Really?”, Eddie choked out, his voice so quiet that Richie had almost missed it. He nodded, pulled Eddie against himself and kissed him, softer now. Tender and slow. Not hard and desperate as the first kiss. 

“I’ve been in love with you since we were 13”, Eddie said, a bit out of breath. Richie pulled Eddie closer, but didn’t kiss him this time. He just wanted to cuddle this amazing man that loved him too! How he got so lucky he didn’t know. They stayed that way and it was perfect. Stars started to appear and honestly, that was even more beautiful than the sundown. 

It is when Eddie starts to shiver that Richie suggested that they went back to his place and Eddie quickly agreed. The drive back was quiet too, but felt so different from the ride to the spot they would both see as their own. 

Richie held Eddie’s throughout the whole drive and god, did his hand feel good in Eddie’s. He still couldn’t believe that Richie was his now. Sure it may be dumb to assume that Richie wanted a relationship, but this is what it felt like. 

What if Richie didn’t want a long term relationship like Eddie wanted so badly? It is at that moment that the taller of the two spoke up again. 

“I can literally hear you think, Eds”, he laughed. Eddie blushed and looked down to their intertwined hands. 

“I know it’s stupid, but I got to ask . You want a relationship, right? Not just a one time thing?”

Richie looked over at Eddie, the man he loved, the one he had always admired, his closest friend. 

“Yes, Eddie . I really want you to be my boyfriend and to that extend, for me to be your boyfriend.” 

Eddie blushed again and smiled at Richie, his boyfriend. He knew that even though his mum would never change, even though there are some nasty people out there, he will be alright. 

Because he has Richie, just like he always had.

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2016

I think everyone will agree that 2016 had “Impending Doom” written all over it, and as a result a lot of pop music became very depressed very quickly, and as such, I’m less enthusiastic about this list than some of the previous ones.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

For a year that was so cataclysmic worldwide, 2016 was pretty mundane for me, so let’s just skip to the albums that came out that year and which I consider relevant to my tastes. Obviously (and unfortunately) there was David Bowie with Black Star. We should have known we had jumped right into the Worst Timeline when the year started with the death of Bowie. Nine Inch Nails also released Not The Actual Events, which was pretty good, and as I said previously I consider Coldplay’s A Head Full of Dreams to be more of a 2016 than a 2015 album. And then there was the biggest surprise of all, the return of Enigma after eight years of silence, with the very good Fall Of A Rebel Angel (even if A Posteriori is still my favorite “modern” Enigma album). EDIT: I forgot Ghostlights by Avantasia. Took me YEARS to listen to it & realise how good it was.

But no. Surprisingly enough, my favorite album of the year wasn’t any of those. It was... oh god, that title. Here we go. It was I Like It When You Sleep for You Are So Beautiful yet So Unaware of It by The 1975 - which I like to call “The 1975′s second album” instead, because what the hell, guys. Anyway. It had been a while since I had found a new band I’d consider to be one of my favorite bands. I really liked Chocolate from their previous album but that was it. But this one? What a breath of fresh air. A Change of Heart, She’s American, Please Be Naked, The Ballad Of Me And My Brain, Somebody Else, The Sound, This Must Be My Dream? That’s only the songs I listened to on a loop and that’s already nearly half of the album. Great music, love the vocals, but I especially love the writing, full of strange and awkward details and lines that make everything feel so alive. The first time I listened to some of these songs, some lines actually got a chuckle out of me, like the American girl wanting the narrator to fix his teeth, or him hopping on a bus to ask the passengers if someone found his brain, or his girlfriend complaining about his shoes and his songs then immediately adding “I thought that you were straight, now I’m wondering”.

As someone who’s constantly puzzled by human relationships and tends to act super awkwardly, all of this is extremely relatable. So yeah. Album of the year, love this band - impatiently waiting for that fourth album!

As far as unelligible songs go, as you can guess I’m furious The Sound (The 1975) wasn’t a hit because I was and I’m still listening to it on a loop. And that’s about it. Wait there’s also Kids by One Republic. It was super good. Apart from that, there’s also one (1) elligible song that I’m gonna put on the 2017 list instead because I really struggled to find enough songs I liked for that list, and that particular one is elligible for 2016 thanks to the French year-end list and 2017 thanks to the US year-end list, so eh.

Time for some honorable mentions.

This Girl (Kungs vs Cookin’ on Three Burners) - Number one of the year here. Every time I heard it (and I heard it a lot) I enjoyed it until that wretched drop.

Fast Car (Jonas Blue ft Dakota) - Not a good cover, but I love the original so much I’d be lying if I said I hated this completely.

Sucker for Pain (Lil Wayne & Imagine Dragons) - No, that slow, heavy, tortured beat that all recent Imagine Dragons songs have doesn’t work on topics like being a natural at something, being a believer, or describing thunder. It does work, however, with a chorus saying “I'm just a sucker for pain”.

Cheap Thrills (Sia ft Sean Paul) - Sean Paul, and a song about having fun without any money. Everything I want from an average hit song on the radio.

In the Night (The Weeknd) - This would be much higher if I didn’t find The Weeknd’s upper register slightly painful to listen to.

J’ai Cherché (Amir) - Hey look, the guy France sent to Eurovision that year. He’s still around, too. He’s pretty good, and that song is super cute.

Ride (21 Pilots) - Not the last time they will appear on this list.

Je Suis Chez Moi (Black M) - Pretty good song about racism, and the singer explicitly calls out a far right political figure who said some pretty terrible shit about him, and it’s a good answer.

Perfect (One Direction) - This is just Style by Taylor Swift all over again except slightly less good. But as I said before, copying good songs isn’t always a bad thing.

Human (Rag’n’bone Man) - Would definitely be on the list if listening to it didn’t feel like working.

Into You (Ariana Grande) - The last cut. The ending is wonderful and explosive, it’s just a shame that the entire song doesn’t sound like that.

And now... the list.

10 - Stressed Out (21 Pilots)

US: #5 / FR: #9

Defining song of the entire year, whether you liked it or not.

Fortunately, as you can see, I liked it a lot, even if I don’t have anything interesting to say about it.

9 - Don’t Be So Shy (Imany, Filatov & Karas remix)

US: Not on the list / FR: #2

I often joked that the melody sounded weirdly similar to Goldman’s “Envole-moi” by singing the lyrics of the verses over the Don’t Be So Shy verses, and it fits nearly perfectly. But apart from that, great song, great remix, very overplayed but never to the point of being annoying.

8 - I Took A Pill In Ibiza (Mike Posner)

US: #15 / FR: #29

There’s nothing I could say about this song that Todd hasn’t said before in what I consider to be one of his best reviews, if not the best, so here it is.

7 - Heathens (21 Pilots)

US: #21 / FR: #23

Super ominous and tense. It’s rare when a mostly grey song looks interesting, and this one definitely does. I also like the ending a lot. Don’t hang out with too many toxic people, guys, they will influence you over time.

I had no idea this was made for the Suicide Squad movie until very recently and frankly I wish it hadn’t because it’s way better on its own, especially the hand grenade line which works a lot better as a metaphor for self-destructive tendencies.

6 - Starboy (The Weeknd)

US: #58 / FR: #16

As I said before it took me ages to like The Weeknd. His voice is great but I found most of his songs fairly boring or disliked their lyrics. And then he teamed up with Daft Punk and to be honest, I didn’t even care if the lyrics of this one included weird lines about drugs on furniture, the beat was completely worth it and the singing was great. Not enough to put it on my mp3 playlist, but a delight every time it was on the radio.

5 - Faded (Alan Walker)

US: Not on the list / FR: #11

I adore this post-apocalyptic, contemplative music video. The music itself has this weariness and this quiet despair that felt super relevant, and even the drop is a bit slow instead of energetic. I usually don’t like this kind of song but this one found the perfect balance. If we really need to have more sad, exhausted hit songs, more like this, please.

4 - Closer (The Chainsmokers)

US: #10 / FR: Not on the list

I usually don’t like love songs if they are just that, random love songs without a good melody or good colors or good stories. If the melody isn’t particularly great and the colors boring, it needs to paint an interesting picture, and the more details the better, even if they are super awkward, like, as I said previously, in some of The 1975′s best songs mentioning bad shoes, or people’s jobs, or how a car smells like.

So yeah, what I’m trying to say is that my favorite thing about this song is the over-abundance of weird and kind of off-putting details that most people consider to be its main flaw. To each their own, I guess.

3 - Never Forget You (Zara Larsson & MNEK)

US: #46 / FR: Not on the list

See, this is one of the reasons why I decided to make these lists: to find great stuff I missed over the years. I discovered this song while making the 1.0 version of the lists on a google sheet in early December, and now this has a spot on my mp3 player. And it’s so weird because this song shouldn’t work. The drop is ridiculously lifeless compared to the soaring quality of the chorus and it actively works against the rest of the song. It takes a while to get used to it and I’m still not entirely sure it does work, at all.

But what can I say, framing is, once again, everything, and songs about imaginary friends are super rare, and that music video made me cry and catapulted this song from “that’s pretty good” right into the “holy shit that’s fantastic” category. And it made me rewatch Where The Wild Things Are, so yeah.

2 - Perfect Strangers (Jonas Blue)

US: Not on the list / FR: #70

This, on the other hand, stayed on my mp3 player for about two years, and the music fits the lyrics perfectly. It’s not a groundbreaking song, it’s not even that original, but in such an average year for pop music, “happy energetic song with beautiful colors and nice lyrics” meant the world to me. It’s kind of telling that it was enough to put it as high as #2, though.

1 - Hymn For the Weekend (Coldplay ft Beyoncé)

US: #73 / FR: Not on the list

And with this, Coldplay has officially topped as many of my lists as Linkin Park. If, back when The Scientist dropped, you had told me how much I would love this band in the future, I would have laughed pretty hard, but here we are.

But yeah, it’s one of my favorite songs on the album and it’s a super weird combo of heavy and aerial sounds, soft and super colorful notes, and I love the lyrics that completely mirror that feeling, feeling “drunk and high", “poured on a symphony when I’m low, low, low”. A great party song that’s also strangely melancholic. Exactly what I needed.

And then the Seeb remix happened and added a truely fantastic drop on top of an already great song, like turning the saturation up and adding little pulsing lights and transparency effects and shit. It’s sincerely hypnotic and visually so complex and fragile I’m afraid I won’t be able to draw it if I ever attempt to turn it into a synesthesia drawing. Just like A Sky Full of Stars, I was driving the first time I heard that remix on the radio, and I wasn’t expecting that drop at all, and I was gawking.

Godspeed, Coldplay, I’m so glad you’re still a positive force in my life, especially in these trying times.

Next up: Oh my god are you telling me that after 15 years I can finally put a song from that other band at the top of one of my lists

[oliivverwood]

retweet

marcus/oliver + social media for @rlversongs

LONG POST- idk how to put the keep reading from my phone sorry

--

marcus flint for NBA @marcflintofficial 

Are you ready for thrilling Raptors vs Bucks Eastern Conference Final game 5? Tune in on YouTube 2nite aftergame for play by play analysis + predictions. Watch for live tweets. #NBA #Basketball  

12:00 PM      2,340 likes   1,226 retweets

montyyyyy @grahamcracker

yo @casswarr five dollas on raps making history. wood has been straight sniping this year. bucks have no chance with that offense. #rapsin5

12:48 PM        5 likes 3 retweets

cassius ;) @casswarr

@grahamcracker ur fuckin insane if u think its gonna be easy for the raps. diggory's been an absolute wall this szn. he'll block potter's nasty dunks easy

1:05 PM          4 likes 1 retweets

oliver wood #0 @oliverw00dofficial

Game 5. Tonight. Air Canada Arena. #WeTheNorth

4:00 PM         1,904 likes 837 retweets

marcus flint for NBA @marcflintofficial

5 into 1st quarter, Wood from the Raps with the filthy cross on Malfoy, ballhandling like a dream. #NBA #NBAGame5 #Basketball

8:43 PM         734 likes 437 retweets

pants park (marky flints cuzzy) @panzyparkkk

@marcflintofficial im sure handling his balls is your dream ;))

8:50 PM        523 likes 277 retweets

marcus flint for NBA (@marcflintofficial) blocked pants park (marky flints cuzzy) (@panzyparkkk)

marcus flint for NBA @marcflintofficial

Potter steals from Diggory, lobs it to Weasley, throws it up to Wood for a dunk on Bole. The Raptors chemistry is off the charts this game. #NBA #NBAGame5 #Basketball

9:22 PM       256 likes 153 retweets

mclaggen the frat god @nolaggingmclaggen

yo why the fuck is flint being so nice about the raps rn. i don't want wood favouritism, i miss asshole flint. talk shit about bole's shitty defense, please. 

10:00 PM   333 likes 457 retweets

oliver wood #0 (@oliverw00dofficial) liked a tweet by mclaggen the frat god (@nolaggingmclaggen)

oliver wood #0 @oliverw00dofficial

Eastern Conference dubs, absolutely ecstatic. See you against the Warriors for NBA finals. #WeTheNorth

11:54 PM   937 likes 765 retweets

HARRY POTTER #3 @harrypottter

to the finalsssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!! #WeTheNorth

11:56 PM      832 likes 655 retweets

-

YouTube

NBA by Marcus Flint 

1,267,457 subscribers

Recent Videos

RAPTORS VERSUS BUCKS EASTERN CONFERENCE FINALS (HIGHLIGHTS, PLAY BY PLAY, ANALYSIS) 

Play

"A tremendous game for the Raptors, starting right off the bat. Bulgarian transfer Viktor Krum started it right from the tipoff, an offense immediately set into play by captain Oliver Wood. The Bucks weren't ready for them to come at them so hard so quickly, which was [redacted] stupid of them, it's the [redacted] Eastern Conference Finals. Diggory did steal from rookie Finnegan, who was lucky to have Wood track back as fast as he did for the defense. Further into the first quarter, Wood executed one of the dirtiest [redacted] crossovers I've ever seen in my two years of working in the NBA. Poor Urquhart didn't stand a chance. He's probably wallowing in the memes being made of him now, bless his heart--no, he deserves it. Urquhart, get it together, set your [redacted] feet."

"The second quarter had the Bucks catch up, with Roger Davies shooting 3 for 4 from the three point line, two assists from Bucks rookie Zach Smith, one from Draco Malfoy. The fourth one bounced off the rim into Wood's hands- his offensive rebounding stats have been crazy--

"The third quarter had Weasley on the boards, dribbling out to the corner and lobbing it to Potter on the fast break, and what a [redacted] fast break it was! If you blinked you would have missed it, which apparently Bole did, blink that is. Potter tosses it up to Wood for a nasty dunk on Bole. Humiliating. I'd never show my face to the world again, if that happened to me."

Pause.

--

Rita Skeeter for TMZ @ritaskeets

Renowned basketball analyser and former NBA player Marcus Flint's cousin, Pansy Parkinson with a shocking tweet during yesterday's game 5. #marcusflint

6:00 AM     4,003 likes   2,692 retweets

Rita Skeeter for TMZ @ritaskeets

This certainly is a strange development. Through injuries, scandals and incidents, Marcus Flint has had quite a life. Learn more in my article on tmz.com/articles/ritaskeeter #marcusflint

6:08 AM      2,455 likes   1,234 retweets

--

Excerpt of Marcus Flint Through the Years, by Rita Skeeter for TMZ

Marcus Caradoc Flint, Chicago born and raised and was eventually the first draft pick, going to nowhere else but the Chicago Red Bull's, and evidently changing the team dynamic forever, and for the better. Flint played rough, fouling out of a game dozens of times and racking up the most fines in the league, but it was worth it. He was still skillful, dazzling audiences with his awe striking shots and dunks. He won rookie of the year, finals MVP, and had 2 championship rings, one from his time on the Bulls, the other from his time with the Cleveland Cavaliers. 

Flint was known to be a little violent on the court, some of the more notable players he got in fights with being Roger Davies, Remus Lupin and Oliver Wood, who we'll be discussing later this article. 

Suddenly, injury struck, and Flint could never play basketball again, a freak accident on the court where he was pushed midair, lost his balance and tore his ACL. He was immediately offered a spot on the NBA reporting crew, where he popularised the channel with his calculated analyses and his filthy mouth. The channel ratings shot up, and the rest was history. 

Flint was never out of the spotlight for long. Two years ago, he was seen walking out of the Peninsula New York with Charlie Weasley, New York Knicks, one morning, the two of them awfully close and sharing an embrace before parting ways. This led to speculation about their relationship status and Flint's sexuality. Not long after that, he was photographed leaving The Monster, a gay bar in New York, again, with an unidentified male. 

Recently, Marcus Flint's cousin, Pansy Parkinson,  a well known tattoo artist in Los Angeles replied to Flint's tweets.

Attached: Screenshot of Pansy Parkinson's reply to Marcus Flint,"im sure handling his balls are your dream ;)))*

Is this an indicator of something between Flint and Wood? Our reporters have reached out to all three parties involved for comment.

--

mclaggen the frat god @nolaggingmclaggen

broooo that's why flint was sucking woods dick so hard during live tweet. i don't care if the man likes it up the ass i want some CORRECT analysis #marcusflint

12:00 AM   600 likes 236 retweets

cassius ;) @casswarr

wood and the raps have a presser today maybe he'll say smth about the sitch #marcusflint

12:52 PM   132 likes 121 retweets

#WeTheNorthh @torontoraptorsnumber1fan

*Attached: Clip from the Raptors Press Conference. A journalist from Sports Illustrated asks as question directed towards Oliver Wood, captain. "What are your thoughts on the online blowup regarding your status with Marcus Flint?" Oliver has a faint smile. Harry Potter is sniggering behind his hand on the other end of the table. Oliver goes to the mike. "I didn't realise there was a blowup. We gotta prepare for our next game now. See you all then." The entire team gets out and exits. The journalists clamour for their attention, with more questions.*

1:07 PM     4,082 likes   5,239 retweets

gin n tonic @ginnywheezy

y'all saw that cheeky smirk no?? @harrypottter laughing in the corner no??? my big bro @ronwheezy turning bright red NO???? 

1:20 PM        345 likes   233 retweets

marcus flint for NBA (@marcflintofficial), oliver wood #0 (@oliverw00dofficial), HARRY POTTER #3 (@harrypottter), Draco Malfoy (@dracoma1foy), angie johnson (@angelinaj), forge weasley (@georgewheezy), gred weasley (@fredwheezy) liked gin n tonic (@ginnywheezy)'s tweet

--

Instagram

@marcusflintbae

fan account, im in love with marcus flint

Recent Posts:

*Blurry picture of two male figures, seemingly joined by the hand. One of them is brunette, the other black haired. Both tall. One is dressed in a grey tracksuit and clunky basketball shoes, the other in a pressed white shirt and black pants, tie looseness. They are smiling - the photo is too blurry to specify exactly who it is.

marcusflintbae this is obviously marcus flint and oliver wood, that's the tea. im so jealous of wood ugh. 

Posted 1 hour ago

Liked by ginnywheeze, percyweasley, panspark, terhiggs, adrianpuc3y, k8iebell, hazzapotter, fredwheeze and 2943 others

-

Private Chat between Oliver Wood and Marcus Flint

oliver wood: marcus ur an idiot

marcus flint: how is this my fault

oliver wood: u were too nice to me on highlight analysis

oliver wood: and u forgot to tell parkinson that we're not public yet 

marcus flint: well u should be happy u wanted to go public like six months ago

oliver wood: nOT LIKE THIS

oliver wood: let's announce it on twitter we've let them suffer long enough 

marcus flint: don't use the photo that im wearing the purple tie in

marcus flint: it's ugly 

oliver wood: you are in no position to be making demands

oliver wood: im not going to use a photo, i love you, I'll call you later

marcus flint: love u too babe

--

marcus flint for NBA @marcflintofficial

I'm dating Oliver Wood. I'm not biased to the raptors at all, don't tell him but I actually bet on the Warriors. #NBAFinals

9:03 PM   608,767 likes 438,898 retweets

oliver wood #0 @oliverw00dofficial

Marcus Flint and I have BEEN dating. Keep up. He fr didn't bet on us. If you stop watching him I'll request a trade. Joking. Not really. #NBAFinals

9:06 PM     453,738 likes 234,725 retweets

[grapesodatozier]

happy trailer day!! here are some soft madwheeler hcs 💕 (this got long, so most of it is under the cut) (fr this is basically a fic in bullet format lol)

the party is in their junior year of high school, which means they’re learning physics

which means the boys are in heaven

but max is in hell

(el isn’t in the same classes as them bc she still has catching up to do)

will, lucas, and dustin all have physics together with mr clarke, but mike and max end up in another class with another teacher

mike and max are on good terms at this point, but they’re still not super close. still, they sit next to each other on the first day without questioning it, and then those are their seats for the rest of the year

they mostly make small talk the first couple of days, but then max comes into class with a huge smile on her face bc the funniest thing happened in art class and she has to tell someone about it

and mike is right there, and curious about what’s so funny, so max tells him the story, sounds effects and hand motions and all

she doesn’t notice, but mike is listening to her with undivided attention, his eyes soft and the ghost of a smile on his lips

they start actually talking after that

cue to their first quiz

max doesn’t want to admit it, but she’s been struggling in the class

when the teacher passes mike his quiz back face up and murmurs a “well done, mr wheeler” right before she passes max’s back face down, she can already feel the shame heating up her cheeks and settling in her stomach

she peeks at her grade and finds a 35/50 at the top of the page, right above a big red C-

she crumples up the quiz and shoves it in her bag despite the fact that the class spends the next 20 minutes going over the quiz

max can feel mike looking at her

one glance at his quiz explains why he’s paying attention to her and not the teacher: 52/50. he even got the extra credit right.

max rolls her eyes and slumps further in her seat, her arms crossed as she pointedly avoids meeting mikes eyes. she bets their wide and brown and full of pity she doesn’t want or need

they’ve fallen into the habit of chatting a bit after class and leaving together, but max leaves without a word and doesn’t bother to wait for him

unfortunately, she only has one period of reprieve before she has to see him at lunch again

she gets there before him, which turns out to not be in her favor as he sits right next to her when he arrives with el

he gets a few weird looks from the others, bc that’s where el usually sits, but el just shrugs and takes mike’s usual place next to lucas

max has had an hour to cool down, so she gives mike a smile and congratulates him on being nerd

mike gives her a small smile before getting right to the point

he leans in and says it softly so that the others won’t hear, and max is grateful for that, but now he’s so close that she can smell the laundry detergent sticking to his clothes, she can feel his shoulder bump against hers, and it makes her heart beat a mile a minute

“why didn’t you tell me that there was some stuff you didn’t get?” he asks, his voice soft and genuinely confused “I can help you if you want”

and max feels embarrassed and indignant and almost too proud to accept the offer

but mikes eyes are wide and brown, and they’re soft, and what max finds in them is closer to affection and encouragement than pity

and also he’s giving her an excuse to spend time with him, something she’s been looking for (not that she’d ever admit that - she’s barely admitted it to herself)

“okay, yeah, if I’m feeling lost I’ll ask you about it. thanks.”

they smile at each other softly and join the group conversation, but max’s heart is beating too loudly for her to hear much

a week later and max admits defeat

physics ends and max feels about ready to cry

“mike?” she calls gently across the aisle, hating how her voice breaks. and she knows mike noticed it, bc he’s giving her his soft eyes™️ that make her want to melt but also punch him, but she manages to swallow back her stubborn pride and tell him, “I didn’t get any of that”

she tries to say it with a laugh, but her voice is choked up

“yeah this unit is confusing” he agrees, and max can’t believe how kind his smile is. “do you wanna work on the homework together? we can go to my house after school if you want”

max can’t help but smile at how eager mike is to help other people

“yeah, sounds good.” then, after mike smiles and finishes packing up his bag, max adds on a “thanks”

“it’s no problem” mike assures her

max is suddenly regretting saying yes bc if mike looks at her like that the whole time she’s gonna have a problem paying attention during their tutoring session

it’s all she can think about for the rest of the day, which nearly makes her gag at herself, but she can’t help it

butterflies erupt in her stomach when she sees him after school at the bike rack

just as mike is getting on his bike at the end of the day, max rides past him on her board and shouts at him that she’ll race him to his house

the way he shouts after her warning her about the giant hill on the way has her both rolling her eyes and smiling; she’s been down that hill hundreds of times, but it’s still sweet that he’d want her to be safe

they get to mikes house at pretty much the same time, so they have a foot race to the basement door - max wins, but her victory cry dies on her lips when she turns to see mike right next to her, leaning on the house, smiling at her as he catches his breath

“you got a head start” he accuses her, but there’s a smile on his face and no real hear behind his words

“you keep telling yourself that” she grins as she pushes the door open, trying to ignore how nice mikes hair looks when it’s wind blown

they get down to business pretty much immediately, much to max’s chagrin

they start out just doing the homework side by side, the textbook open in front of them on the table, surrounded by capri sun pouches, chips, and cookies

max can’t help but notice how much farther ahead mike is than her

the she gets stuck on a problem for so long that when she throws herself back into the couch in frustration she notices mikes been waiting for her so he could turn the page and go onto more problems

“you don’t have to wait up for me if I’m slowing you down” max grumbles

mike completed ignores that offer. “which one are you stuck on?”

max shows him, and he walks her through it. his patience melts her heart, calms her down. but then the next problem is even harder, and with her anger quelled now she just gets sad that she doesn’t understand what mike is trying to explain to her

she can feel the tears stinging in her eyes, and she does her best to hold them back, but then her vision is blurring and she hears the tell tale sound of a tear hitting loose leaf

she shoves her binder away and furiously wipes her eyes, wondering if it’s more embarrassing to leave or stay

she freezes when mike puts his arm around her. he’s never done that with her before, but it feels so natural, max wants to melt into it so bad

“hey,” mike says, in the gentlest voice max has ever heard, “it’s okay, we’ll get it eventually.” max nods, but she still doesn’t look at him

he starts rubbing little soothing circles on her shoulder with his thumb, a small gesture that has max’s heart kicking into over drive

“do you wanna take a break?”

max wants to say no. mike clearly didn’t need a break, why did she need one? but she is pretty drained, so she nods again

“can you teach me how to skate?”

that surprises max into finally looking at him

“what?”

“well, I’ve been wanting to learn, and it’s gonna get too cold to learn soon, so”

“you know what? sure, I’d like to see you make a fool of yourself”

“wow, thanks”

and max was kinda joking, but mike truly is terrible

like, she knew he would be, but he’s genuinely shaking even as he’s just stepping onto the skateboard

he reaches out for her instinctively, and she’s immediately there to support him

his grip on her arms is so tight, and she can feel his hands shaking as he gives her a small, bashful smile that makes her heart melt

“you need me to walk you down the street?” she asks, only half teasing

mike rolls his eyes, but his smile doesn’t leave his lips as he says back, “are you actually gonna teach me or are you just gonna make fun of me?”

“can’t I do both?”

and max loves this, she loves this banter that’s blossomed between them in recent weeks, she loves that she knows it’ll make mike smile

she drags him around for a bit, first clinging to both of his arms and then gradually shifting to holding his hands, a gesture that had her blushing even harder. his hands were a little clammy, but she liked how tightly they gripped hers, she liked how they were bigger than her own. she liked the freckles on them.

eventually she insisted that he try pushing off a few times without her. he hesitantly agreed, on the condition that she stay close

max really thought he’d do better, but after pushing off for the second time he falters, loses his balance, and the board flies out from under his feet

max is at his side in an instant, kneeling over him to make sure he’s okay

he props himself up on his elbow and checks his scraped up palm and mutters a quiet “shit”

“does it hurt?” max hold his wrist gently, the contact sending electricity through her as she feels his pulse under her thumb

“I mean yeah, but I’ll probably live”

she finds that their faces are level, and closer than she’d realized

“guess you still need me to hold your hand” she jokes, her heart racing

“yeah” mike smiles, and the autumn sun is setting, bathing his skin in golden light and bringing out the red highlights in his dark hair. he takes max’s breath away as he says, “you make it look so easy” with that soft smile again

“yeah, well,” max scoffs. she tucks her hair behind her ear, looks down. “you get used to it, it’s really not that impressive”

“I think it is”

and max really wishes he’d stop looking at her like that, stop making her stomach flutter like that

he continues: “I think it’s really cool. especially now that I know how hard it is”

“I think that might just be you”

they laugh it off and go inside to clean mikes hand

“thanks,” he smiles once it’s bandaged. “and thanks for teaching me... or trying to at least”

max giggles “hey, you’re teaching my sorry ass physics, i owe you one”

mike shakes his head and smiles at her like she’s a sunrise “no you don’t, I like helping you”

max scoffs and blushes and tries to walk away, but mike catches her gently by the wrist

“you know you’re really smart, right?”

max doesn’t know what to say to that, but thankfully mike senses that and keeps going

“and I really do think it’s cool how good you are at skateboarding, and... I’m glad we’re talking more now”

max melts

“so am I”

“and I actually think you’re really funny” he grins

“oh, do you?” max beams. “you’re never gonna love that down”

and now mike is smiling big too, and he says “I think I’m okay with that”

and somehow they’ve drifted closer together, and max is so trained on mikes smile, on how soft and pink his lips look that it takes her a moment to realize how intently mike is looking at her

then their eyes meet, and it’s like that both get it. he caresses her face, and she lets him, leaning into it and placing her hands on his sides

then their lips are meeting, and they’re kissing, and max’s heart is going wild

his lips are just as soft as she imagined, and he’s so gentle with her, almost shy

they’re both smiling as they pull back

“so you know how you’re smart and cool and funny?” mike asks, his arms slipping around max’s waist, making her blush

“you may have mentioned it” she grins

“you’re also really beautiful”

max hides her face in his shoulder, blush creeping over her as she giggles “and you are ridiculously cheesy” but after a moment she meets his eye and adds with a smile “but you’re also smart and cute, and sometimes even funny”

“not cool?”

“never cool” they both giggle and kiss again, smiling into it. “you’re the cutest nerd ive ever met, though. definitely the cutest tutor I’ve ever had”

mike grins regretfully, almost apologetically: “speaking of which...”

max pouts in protest and presses light, slow kisses to mikes lips

“okay, that’s a compelling argument” mike concedes with a grin

they do get their homework done soon after tho, and once it’s done they reward themselves with pizza and more kisses

[lifesizehysteria]

Journey to You - Chapter 13 | An AdamsFoster Fic

A/N: I know the last chapter was a rough one and the road ahead is still a rocky one but hopefully it all ends up worth it in the end. Thanks for all the comments and love and for sticking with me!

Almost two weeks had passed since coming out to her dad and the days went by in a blur. The weight of rejection from both him and Lena, different as those rejections were, was crushing. The shame she felt made her long for the familiarity of her own ignorance and she tried to wrap herself up in it again, to close herself back behind that door. But now the lights were on. She could see the walls were too close, the space too small and no matter how tightly she curled into herself, she didn’t fit. Her knuckles turned white and her fingers ached from holding so hard and still, that damn door wouldn’t stay closed. Coming out felt impossible but she was quickly realizing that not coming out would be just as hard.

The problem was, she didn’t know how to exist as a gay person. She didn’t know how to go through life so… different from everyone else, so conspicuous. If she came out, her sexuality would be the only part about her that mattered. People would no longer see her as Stef, the police officer or as Brandon’s mom. They wouldn’t care that she was good at basketball or that she loved hiking and camping. Her sense of humor and her confidence would disappear and she would just be Stef, the lesbian. She hated that of all the things she was, that was the only piece that people would care about.

The time she spent with Brandon was when she felt the most herself. Being a mom was second nature and it was easiest to lose herself in that role. He didn’t know or care about her personal crisis. He demanded her attention and most of the time, it kept her distracted. But every day, being in the closet became less tolerable and as she began to contemplate coming out with real seriousness, she had moments with him that made her question everything. Summer was coming to an end and he was about to start kindergarten. Was she really going to make him that kid? The kid with the gay mom, who had to explain what that meant to every friend he made? What if he was embarrassed of her? What if he resented her for it? How would she feel knowing that she was going to be that mom in his class, every year? It tied her stomach in knots just thinking about it and every time she was sure she was ready to pick up the phone to call Mike, it was the one thing that stopped her.

On the Wednesday before the first day of school, Stef had spent the afternoon getting ready for the Open House where she and Brandon would get to see his classroom, meet his teacher, and get acquainted with his classmates. After changing her outfit four times, putting extra effort into her usual basic makeup routine, and even taking the time to curl her hair, by the time she was ready, Brandon had been moping around her room and she was feeling way over-dressed for meeting a kindergarten teacher. But it was a school function which meant Lena would likely to be there somewhere and if there was even a chance she might run into her… Well, she probably wouldn’t but Stef felt the need to look her best anyway.

The school was bustling with wandering parents and chattering children. Stef navigated the busy hallway, following construction paper signs to the elementary wing and searching for the right room while Brandon clung to her hand, sticking close by her side. Crowds always made him nervous.

“Here it is: Room 15.” She guided Brandon through the doorway that had a handmade sign reading “Mrs. Atkins” hanging on the door.

“Cool! Frogs!” Brandon exclaimed as he halted in the middle of the room, taking it all in. Frogs were plastered all over the room. On the border around the bulletin board, on posters. There were construction paper frogs on the walls and a large blue square of carpeting at the back of the class with little, round green mats that looked an awful lot like a lily pond. It was charming.

“Look, Mommy!” Brandon pointed across the room to a giant stuffed frog.

“Whoa! How cool!”

“Can I go look?”

Stef scanned around the room. There were only a couple other families there but there didn’t seem to be any kind of structure and she hadn’t spotted the teacher yet. Since she didn’t know how this thing was supposed to go, she figured mingling at this point couldn’t hurt.

“Sure, bud.”

Brandon darted over to the giant toy and as Stef trailed behind him, she didn’t even notice her nervousness about Lena fade away. Her mind was busy with Brandon and the classroom and all of her other worries disappeared, the way they usually did when she was with her son.

Taking in the layout of the room, Stef’s imagination wandered. She could see Brandon sitting at one of the desks with his head bent over his work or bouncing in his chair with his hand raised, eager to answer a question. Sitting on one of the green mats during story time. Making friends. Oh, she hoped he would make friends. Her boy was so shy and she worried so much about him being able to open up to other kids.

“Mommy, mommy, it’s taller than me!” he said as he reached up, not quite able to touch the top of the frog’s head.

“Look at that! How tall do you think it is?”

“A hundred feet!” he stated with certainty.

“A hundred, huh? That’s really tall.”

Brandon gave a firm nod, oblivious to the laugh his mother was failing to suppress.

“I see you’ve met Mr. Frogsworth,” an unfamiliar voice interjected. The arrival of a stranger had Brandon back by Stef’s side, clamped onto her leg. “I’m Mrs. Atkins. Welcome.” She extended her hand to Stef. She was a thin but sturdy white woman. Though she stood almost a full head shorter than Stef, she held herself with a confidence that made her stature unremarkable. Her black hair was cropped at her shoulders, straight with streaks of silver at her temples. Her smile was warm and her handshake firm.

“Hi. Stef Foster. And this is my son, Brandon.”

“Hello, Brandon. It’s nice to meet you.” Brandon peeked at her from around Stef’s leg as she smiled down at him. “Are you going to be in my class this year?” she asked and received only a small shrug of one shoulder in response.

“Sorry, he’s shy,” Stef apologized as she rubbed her son’s back.

“Don’t worry. He’ll warm up soon enough,” Mrs. Atkins assured her. “So, Brandon. Do you like to color?”

Brandon looked up at his mom. When she encouraged him with a smile he gave the smallest nod.

“Oh good! Then you’ll love what I have to show you. Why don’t you and your mom follow me?” She didn’t wait for an answer before heading toward a long table at the far side of the room. Stef dislodged Brandon from her leg and led him by hand in the same direction. “Alright, now, everyone in my class has to have one of these.” She held up a sheet of paper with the black outline of a frog’s head in the center. “We’re going to put your name on the top in big letters and then this will go on the front of your desk so everyone knows which one is yours. But it’s a little plain, don’t you think?” Brandon nodded again. “Would you like to decorate it? And then, when you’re done, you can pick which desk we tape it to so you know right where to sit when you come to school on Monday.”

He looked up at Stef again and she could see the excitement in his eyes behind the nervousness.

“I think that sounds like a great idea, huh, bud?”

Brandon nodded again, this time with a timid smile as he took the offered paper from his teacher.

Steering him toward a seat beside another child, Stef got him settled at the table with a handful of markers and sat down beside him. He was busy trying to color in the lines, dragging his marker with precision as more kids filtered into the room. The table filled up and eventually Stef gave her seat up to a little girl with her hair in two black, curly puffs on top of her head.

"I'm going to go talk to your teacher real quick, okay, B? I'll be right back." Brandon nodded, engrossed in the activity enough to have forgotten to worry. Stef ruffled his hair before turning in search of Mrs. Atkins. She was at the other end of the table praising some of the kids' artwork and handing out chocolate chip cookies.

"Hi, Mrs. Atkins?" Stef gently interrupted.

"Oh, hi, Mrs. ..."

"Foster," Stef supplied. "But call me Stef. Please."

"Of course." Mrs. Atkins offered a warm, polite smile. "What can I do for you, Stef?"

"Well, you saw how shy my son Brandon is. I'm just concerned about him making friends. He doesn't spend a lot of time with other kids and even when he does, he usually prefers to play by himself."

"I wouldn't worry too much. That’s called parallel play and it's a perfectly healthy and natural way for kids to play. Some kids get overstimulated by constant interaction and prefer the quietude of singular play, even in the company of others. But even just the small interactions that come from, say, sharing the same box of crayons helps foster relationships and build friendships."

Stef nodded. That all sounded good but he would barely talk to other kids. "How is he supposed to make friends if he won't talk to anyone?" she asked. He was so different from her that way. Being social, making friends had come so easily to her as a kid. She didn't know how to help him and sending him off to school where she wouldn't be there with him scared her.

"That's him over there, isn't it?" Mrs. Atkins pointed in his direction. Brandon was showing his picture to the little girl next to him. His face was bright with a smile and she could hear him giggle. "Like I said, I don't think you have anything to worry about," she said with a knowing smile.

Stef let out a little burst of surprised laughter. "Well, I'll be damned!" she said before remembering who she was speaking to. "Wow, I can't believe I just said that. I'm so sorry!" She gave a nervous laugh and shuffled her feet.

"It's fine–”

"Excuse me, I'm so sorry to interrupt,” another voice, approaching from behind Stef, broke into their conversation. “Robin, could I speak to you for a moment?”

“Of course. Stef, this is our Assistant Vice Principal–”

“Lena,” Stef said in unison as Lena came to stand beside her.

Surprise flashed across Lena’s face for just an instant before she covered it with a mask of cool professionalism.

“So you’ve met,” Mrs. Atkins said, looking between the of them.

Stef could feel her cheeks blazing. She cleared her throat and a nervous grin tugged at her lips.

“We have,” she said, her words airy despite the purposeful steadiness of her voice. She couldn’t drag her eyes away from Lena.

“Oh good,” the teacher said, a bright smile on her face. “Because if you ever need anything from the school, Lena is the one to go to. She’s got all the connections, she knows everyone. No one will work harder for you than Lena will. Did you know, she actually helped found the charter?”

Still watching Lena, Stef’s eyebrows raised in surprise.

“No, she never told me. That’s very impressive.”

“She’s really amazing.”

“Yes, she is.” A soft smile pulled across Stef’s face. “She’s really one of a kind.”

Lena’s demeanor shifted but it seemed only Stef noticed. She could feel the tension coming from her as it changed from uncomfortable to angry. She could see it in the vein visible down the center of her forehead and the way her smile twitched at the corners of her mouth, like she was fighting to keep it there. Stef’s eyes finally turned away and she cleared her throat again.

“I’m sorry. I um, I should– I’ll just–” Stef motioned over her shoulder with her thumb, “let you ladies talk.” When she smiled it was more of a grimace. “Thank you, by the way,” she said to Brandon’s teacher. “I’m sure Brandon’s going to have a great time in your class.” Her eyes darted back over to Lena whose own were wide beneath eyebrows arched dangerously high. Stef gave a nervous chuckle. “Yeah, okay then.” She gave a half-hearted wave before turning and walking in the opposite direction, her cheeks flaming and her hands shaking.

When she had put enough distance between them, Stef stood in a loose crowd of other mingling parents. She glanced at Lena from across the room between attempts at studying the tan floor tiles. When the two women had finished their conversation and Lena headed toward the classroom door, Stef’s heart started beating in her throat. She glanced back at Brandon. He was immersed in his artwork and unaware of her absence. After a brief hesitation, with sweaty palms and a lack of better judgment, Stef headed for the door.

Lena was halfway down the corridor by the time Stef was out of the classroom.

“Lena, wait,” she called. She saw Lena hesitate, then continue without looking back. “Lena,” she said again as her walk turned to a jog. “Lena, please wait.” As she caught up to her, Stef grabbed her wrist. Lena spun on her heel and pulled her wrist from Stef’s grasp. Her mouth was pursed and her nose flaring, her black eyes were hard and cold as steel.

“What the hell are you doing, Stef?” The edge in her hushed voice was sharp and unforgiving.

“I just want to talk to you.”

“We don’t have anything to talk about.”

“Okay, but– You seemed mad at me in there and I’m… Did I do something wrong?”

“I don’t know, Stef. How about trying to flirt with me in front of my coworker, in a classroom full of parents and students?”

Stef gaped at her. “I didn’t– I wasn’t flirting.”

“Weren’t you?” Lena put her hands on her hips, straightening to her full height. “‘That’s very impressive,’” she mimicked in a fawning tone. “‘She’s one of a kind.’”

“Come on, Lena. I was just agreeing with her. What was I supposed to say? How terrible you are?”

“No, Stef. You shouldn’t have said anything.”

Stef sighed and shook her head.

“I’m sorry, Lena, okay? I wasn’t trying to make you uncomfortable or, or say anything inappropriate. I just–”

“I don’t care what you were or weren’t trying to do,” Lena interrupted. “You can’t do this, Stef. You can’t bring this here. My job is very important to me and I will not let you jeopardize it because you can’t keep your thoughts to yourself.”

“I’m sorry,” Stef said again, the words quiet and genuine this time.

“The fact of the matter is, with Brandon going to school here, we will see each other. And I need you to be able to handle that without making a scene or turning everything into… this.” When she gestured between them, Stef took a small step back. She hadn’t even realized how close she’d gotten to her.

“Okay,” Stef uttered toward the floor.

“Thank you,” Lena said and let her arms fall down by her sides.

A beat passed and Stef turned her eyes up to Lena’s. They were a bit softer and Stef’s heart ached as she searched them. There was a voice in her head telling her to just tell Lena she’d come out to her dad and that she understood what Lena needed from her and that she was ready to do it. Because then, in that moment, with Lena there as a reminder of everything that could be, she was finally ready. But how could she tell her any of it after what she’d just promised?

She could feel Lena already pulling away and she didn’t know how to deal with that again. She couldn’t lose her. Not again. Not completely.

“You asked me before, when this all started, if I could have feelings for you and still be friends. I think– Can we just, go back to that?” Lena started to shake her head.

“You said that you could do that and–”

“That was when I thought it was one-sided.” Lena shrugged. “And even then, it wouldn’t have worked. It was naive of me to think that it could. And now? After everything? There’s no way we can go back.”

“I miss you, Lena. Maybe we can’t be more than friends but… I don’t want to lose you.”

“I’m sorry but…” Looking down, she worried her lips together. “I’m not doing this. I can’t. I–” Her eyes drifted back up to meet Stef’s. “I’m done, Stef.”

Lena turned to leave but Stef grabbed her wrist again.

“Lena.”

Lena stopped and looked at Stef over her shoulder. Her eyes were unreadable but when she spoke, her flat tone barely concealed the tremble in her voice.

“Don’t make this harder than it already is. Please. Just let me go.”

Stef held on for just another moment before she let go of her wrist and watched Lena walk the entire length of the hall without even looking back. It wasn’t until she disappeared around a corner that she began to accept that she really wasn’t going to turn around. It was over and there wasn’t a damn thing she could do about it.

[angthedopest]

Some truth for you. Some real shit. Accept it.

✔️✔️✔️

Tell the truth. Fr.

"Real love, I'm searchin for that real love."

You get close. You share moments. You breathe the same air, share the same bed, literal tears are exchanged for one another's sake. Energy, matter, time are traded... used as currency to buy something. Something meaningful.

You lock eyes, postulate ideas through careful expression. Your hands and bodies touch, food is eaten, stupid fucking shows are watched, sleep next to one another, laughter is sometimes the goal, sometimes arguments are had and feelings are hurt. Deeper purpose is born. Purpose that can drive.

Then, at some fucking point, and that fucking point can always be referenced, somebody fucking says:

"I love you."

You can sense them before they turn on your street, you can identify them with a smell when they walk into a room with your fucking eyes closed. Their touch is electric, the sight of them calms every dubious brain storm. What was bought now gains interest, the investment of a lifetime. These ideas become a bridge of law between the two. A way of being. Of treating. The food, the shows, the way one another sleeps together, the things that are laughed about become habitual. The problems have solutions, the two, now one.

"I" is then "we" & "us" because a decision has been made. A foundation has been laid. A house of higher purpose been built on a hill.

Tell the mf truth.

"The dog days are over. The dog days are done. The horses are coming, you better run"

But. What fucking shock it is, when this is only one person's fucking perspective, out of two pairs of eyes, minds, hearts.

Waking up to the reality, the fucking obviousness of one's own nescience, hits like Mike fucking Tyson in his prime.

Tell the truth.

"Heaven help the fool who falls in love."

A one sided endeavor with more than one participant will always fail.

And so, what then? Painful jolts run freely from head to toe, hurt unlocks the door to it's lil homies Anger, Resentment, Disdain.

Tell the GD truth.

Low self worth. "Did I not pay attention to them enough? Did I not listen? Is my hair not nice enough? My teeth not straight or white enough? My muscles not defined enough? My car not nice enough?" etc etc etc ad infinitum.

"Pretty taught me ugly lessons"

So they love you, but they're not IN love with you. So they miss you but not enough to spend time working on the relationship? Nigga WHAT relationship?

Tell the TRUTH FR.

A run down house can hold no shelter. You'll find no warmth from the cold here. No plates of hot food, no warm lighting. No fire sending smoke up the chimney. You'll find no big maple tree in the front yard with a swing, no dog with a wagging tail waiting on your return. No. There is no way in, nobody to answer the tattered door.

Agape ? These conditions are the only conditions. If you know what I mean then you know. If you don't you won't, I can promise you.

There was never a connection, and that's what causes the most hurt. The bridge was burned, the law was broken. The doubt about the way you felt when they walked into a room, maybe you had mistaken the smell? The electricity you thought you felt when their hand grazed yours, the questioning of those memories of tears... both shed but only one shared. The laughter was at you, not with you. It was a bad investment, in a shell corporation that dumped it's stock as soon as the price maxed out and you've got buyers remorse.

Please tell the fucking truth.

It wasn't real, and you believed in it, and now you're left with it. This... thing you created on your own, out of your own imagination. This fallacy. This little fake fucking fiction story you told yourself just to get by. There was never a "we" or an "us" it was always just YOU by yourself fabricating something that was never meant to exist in the first place.

Say it. Truly.

They where never there with you. You was alone the whole time.

"I don't want no more love, I feel it's poison"

You fell in love with a lie. And now you have to live with yourself, while they know how "just fine" they're going to be.

"Never...go...astray"

💔⛈🌑

-An expression for me by me, the day something died inside.

*Remember. You're a man. Stand. The morning comes regardless. We still have things to do.

**Phalen Jones

[profbruce]

WHAT TO DO WITH $207 BILLION IN CASH?

Kind of a nice problem to have, n’est-ce pas?

Well, this is the challenge that Apple is currently facing seeing as it is sitting on a mountain of cash that most of us can only dream about.

CNBC reported in Q1 2020 that: Apple now has $207.06 billion cash on hand, according to the company’s fiscal first-quarter earnings report released on Tuesday. That’s a less-than 1% rise from its fiscal fourth quarter of 2019, when it reported a cash pile of $205.9 billion.

I did a study a few years ago. The huge cash hoards of firms like (Google parent) Alphabet, Apple and Facebook have on hand, have returns of about 1% to 1.5% pa. I suspect today, it’s even lower. There are a lot of smart people at those companies, but I’ve always felt they could do (much) more with those piles of cash.

A real estate investment client of mine writes that he has come up with a plan to “help” these firms; it works something like this–

Company X takes (say) $4 billion from their cash reserves and buys a portfolio of buildings that has a cap rate of 4.5% pa

They pay cash, so there is no mortgage against any of their properties

Presto, they are making 4.5 points on their dough instead of around 1%

They hire my client to find these deals and manage the properties too

If they want to use leverage, they put in place a line of credit against their portfolio, probably at a cost of 1.45% pa these days or even lower

Thus, they are able to replenish their cash hoard

Their IRR (internal rate of return) on their property portfolio is now close to infinite (I do realize, dear reader, that there is no such thing as being “close to infinite”) because their ACB (adjusted cost base) is about zero

This is also (because of the line of credit refi aspect of this model) a “perpetual motion machine” in action

There’s no way these funds can be managed if projects are smaller scale– say $40 million instead of $4 billion. Think about it– you’d need 100 individual $40 million investments to deploy $4 billion in cash, which would be unmanageable.

This model sort of reminds me of what Disney did with the NHL in the early 1990s. Read this excerpt from my Real Estate Handbook, https://brucemfirestone.com/product/real-estate-handbook/, about that–

Accretive Buying

If you think that bootstrap capital is something only startups use, think again. Large firms including the Disney Company use Bootstrap Capital. They did this when then CEO Mike Eisner acquired the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim (now just the Ducks of Anaheim) expansion franchise from the National Hockey League in 1993/94. The franchise fee of $50 million was paid as follows—$25 million to the League and $25 million to the LA Kings (then owned by Bruce McNall). But the Kings were paid $5 million per year for five years, a form of Seller Take Back (STB) financing (or Vendor financing), a prime source of capital for startups.

In addition, Disney got a $20 million leasing inducement from Ogden Corp. (then owner of the Pond, now called the Honda Center where the Ducks play) to sign a longterm building lease. Next, Disney put in place a $30 million line of credit secured by their newest asset (i.e., the franchise itself). Hence, Disney acquired the team for a negative $20 million in cash.

This demonstrates that Bootstrap Capital is often “free” capital. The $20 million dollar leasing inducement that Disney received from Ogden did not require any interest payments and, in fact, there were no principal repayments either. Vendor financing Disney got from the Kings was also, in effect, an interest-free loan for five years.

Free or ultra-low-cost capital can radically change your IRR (Internal Rate of Return) on a project and your ROE (Return on Equity) too. The two most important influencers on a project’s rate of return are—upfront costs and the passage of time. If you can reduce or even turn your upfront costs negative, impacts are substantial.

This can really help an intrapreneur inside an established organization stand out from her/his peers. Say you work at Cisco and you are an intrapreneur who knows how to use these types of self-funding techniques. Suppose you go to your supervisor and say, “I have a project that will take two years of R&D at a cost of $10 million but I have three launch clients each willing to pickup $2.5 million of that cost and take the first six months of production.” It is likely that your idea will get an enthusiastic hearing. More enthusiastic than a colleague who has a competing project that takes the same amount of time to develop and costs as much to bring to market but they haven’t lined up any launch clients or received any hard commitments not only to buy the product once it’s ready for market but to contribute some (bootstrap and free) capital to help develop it as well.

Prof Bruce

FOR REAL ESTATE INVESTMENT AND BUSINESS COACHING THAT’LL HELP YOU PROVIDE FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR FAMILY FOR 3-GENERATIONS, PLEASE CONTACT:

Bruce M Firestone, B Eng (civil), M Eng-Sci, PhD Real Estate Investment and Business coach Century 21 Explorer Realty Inc broker Ottawa Senators founder 613-762-8884 bruce.firestone@century21.ca brucemfirestone.com https://www.linkedin.com/in/profbruce https://brucemfirestone.com/blog/ profbruce.tumblr.com/archive https://www.youtube.com/user/ProfBruce/ https://twitter.com/ProfBruce https://www.facebook.com/groups/reiroi https://www.facebook.com/ProfBruce https://bruce-firestone.c21.ca/

BOOK YOUR FREE CLARITY CALL WITH PROF BRUCE NOW, https://brucemfirestone.com/coaching/prof-bruce-real-estate-investment-and-business-coaching/talk/

• MAKING IMPOSSIBLE POSSIBLE • FREEDOM VIA REAL ESTATE INVESTMENT AND PB4L, PERSONAL BUSINESS FOR LIFE • FEHAJ, FOR EVERY HOME A JOB, FEJAH, FOR EVERY JOB A HOME • MAKE YOUR HOME WORK FOR YOU, INSTEAD OF YOU WORKING FOR IT • HIGHER ROI NOT JUST FOR OWNERS AND INVESTORS, BUT FOR TENANTS, GUESTS, VISITORS, NEIGHBORHOODS, COMMUNITIES, TOWNS, VILLAGES, CITIES AND THE ENVIRONMENT TOO

+++

Image source: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Apple_park_cupertino_2019.jpg

Stay

[nxghtmares]

For the 'pester me' thing: all the odd numbers please

1: Is there a boy/girl in your life?sadly no hahah, my life is full of unrequited crushes

3: What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”my cat hehe

5: Are you afraid of falling in love?yeah i think so, i hate feeling and being vulnerable and i think being in love is probably one of the most vulnerable states a person can be. 

7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?ofc, drunken nights call for crashing on a friends couch! 

9: Name the last four beds you were sat on?assuming this means literally sat on...mine, my brothers, my mums, and probably my friend Jordan’s?

11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned?for the most part, yeah. this year has been pretty much what i expected it to be, maybe with a few surprises but mostly yes

13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler?rottweilerrrr, i think they're adorable 

15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?probably an art museum 

17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact?for around 3-4 years, although we don't really talk that often anymore...idk the friendship is kinda weird tbh 

19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?that would require me having an ex in the first place lmao 

21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?definitely not, personally i don't see being married in my future and even if i had someone who i believed was the right person, marriage is a commitment which takes time to really think through imo 

23: How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?0

25: What’s on your mind?well currently thinking that its kinda nice to feel like someone is interested in me or at least my blog enough to ask me to answer so many questions, thanks @seansaysfuckyou! 

27: What is your favorite color?blackk

29: Who are you texting?atm, no one

31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?not any moment that i can currently recall but surely everyone has 

33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you?i wish lol

35: Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?pda is not my thing, ya girl is outta there real fast 

37: Are you friends with the last person you kissed?if I'm recalling the person correctly then no hahah, but I've never kissed anyone fr, they've all been friends in silly drinking games (wow my life is sad)

39: Has anyone upset you in the last week?nope

41: Where’s your last bruise located?i think it was probably my leg from falling over 

43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?about a couple weeks ago when i wasn't in the best place and just wanted to get away from everything, i think we all feel like that from time to time 

45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes?my trusty nike sneakers can never let me down! 

47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style?probably not, i love my hair way too much 

49: Does your bedroom have a door?doesn't everyones?

51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping?i do not 

53: Are goodbyes hard for you?yeah lmao, I'm the type to get attached to my friends and it sucks to see them go away 

55: How is your hair?my hair is medium-long length, slightly wavy, layered, dark brown/black, and i have a full fringe which is currently a tad too long 

57: Do you think two people can last forever?forever is ill defined imo 

59: Green or purple grapes?as long as its seedless i don't mind 

61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?wouldn’t mind being anywhere where I've got something to entertain me since I've been sitting at home all day 

63: Where will you be 5 hours from now?in my bed

65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked?i think this time last year was probably when i was getting over a boy i liked for way too long 

67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today?does my cat count?

69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?i think everyone has, with grades, friends, whatever

71: How many fingers do you have?10... (not going to lie, i first typed in 5 and realised i have two hands.. wow..) 

73: How old will you be in 5 months?i will still be 19 

75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?i have never been in love with anyone and i suppose the closest thing i came to ‘love’ was my super long crush i mentioned in q65, but feelings were not reciprocated so i guess thats why (tbh tho, i think it was best to work out this way)

77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?not all but most 

79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike?nope

81: How many people have you liked in the past three months?1

83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight?yeah because I'm annoying 

85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care?yeah just because I'm not a user myself so i wouldnt be too happy about it i guess...the occasional weed or whatever is fine but anything harder is a no from me 

87: Who was your last received call from?my friend Joseph called me to rant about his exam hahaha 

89: What is something you wish you had more of?i wish i had more courage to do things that i want because i often talk myself out of pursing things or trying new stuff

91: Do you sleep with your window open?no way haha 

93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?i don't think so

95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?apart from the sheer awkwardness that would fill the atmosphere probably not

97: Did you sleep alone this week?my cat sleeps with me 

99: Do you believe in love at first sight?nah, first sight is purely based on appearance and how could you love someone just because of appearance right? well this was fun! for anyone who's made it to the end i hope you weren't too bored with my answers hahaha, hope everyone has a great night/day/rest of the year! 

[multiversemuses]

A Sonata for a Root Vegetable ~ A Growing Love Story in Nine GIFs and 1,000+ Words

@darthvoldemaul

“You’re one of my favorite people in the whole wide world; you know that?” Danny prefaces one day while they’re hanging out at Spatola’s.

“Right back at you,” Rhett replies, scratching his chin and leaning back against the green cushion of the booth. “But?”

“But are you ever gonna break the ice and actually talk to her?”

“Who?”

Danny gives him a look and tosses a crumpled napkin at his face.

“You know who, dude.”

Rhett rolls his eyes even though his crooked smile belies this feigned annoyance.

“For the last time, I do not have ‘a thing’ for your lady friend’s best friend.”

“Lies.”

“I don’t. I mean she’s cute or whatever, I guess, but I don’t even know her.”

“You could, if you’d just let me put in a good word.”

“Nah, that’s even worse. I can do my own flirting, man, when I want to.”

“Nola says you just get this really intense look on your face and then sorta walk away all broody.”

“Did she tell her that?”

“No. Nola saw you guys pass each other outside Farley’s.”

“Then she also saw that her friend didn’t even look my way, so it’s all good. Doesn’t matter what my face is doing if it’s just your girlfriend and Butter the Cat watching me through the bookshop window. Her bestie didn’t notice a thing.”

Danny folds his arms and looks away. “I wouldn’t be so sure...,” he mumbles cryptically. 

“Why? What’d she say? Did she mention me to you guys?”

Danny’s expression breaks into a broad grin and he cackles triumphantly.

“Busted! You do give a shit. I called it!” 

Rhett slumps sideways and groans loudly.

“I hate you.”

As the months go by and Danny and Nola start spending more time together, so too do their friend groups. “Groups” is being used a little loosely here since Nola really only has a couple of friends her own age. However, this only means that there are even less people standing as physical buffers between Rhett and The Girl. 

The absence of Rhett’s A-Game is reaching such a level that it is even starting to be noticed by the (albeit unintentionally) oblivious. It took Marty three years to discover her best friend and roommate was in love with her and even she can discern something is up with her shaggy sidekick. 

“You okay, Rhettro Chic?” Marty asks one night at a party, eyeing him over her glass. “You’re being all quiet. It’s weird.”

Vanessa, who is seated at the table with them, follows Rhett’s line of sight and figures out whose gaze has left him flummoxed. Mercifully, she uses her very recent upgrade to girlfriend status to distract the other young woman from this line of inquiry. Nessa presses her lips to Marty’s ear and murmurs what Rhett can only assume is a request to dance, given that they start making their way toward the floor. 

As they cross the room, Vanessa gives Rhett a pointed look over her shoulder and tilts her head toward where Danny, Nola, and her friend are standing. Rhett gives her a grateful nod in return. If he is finally going to do this thing, love her though he does, Rhett really does not need Marty’s encouraging whistles and calls echoing after him. 

He downs a gulp of his beer and strides determinedly toward the far corner. Danny sees his friend’s approach and gets a knowing look in his eye. After a little idle chitchat, Danny uses his best goofy smile and dance moves to coax Nola away with him so Rhett will have his opportunity.

Somehow, just like that, it feels like Danny has found a way to make this all easier on Rhett without directly interfering. Now, if he speaks to Nola’s friend, Rhett will seem like he's sparing her the awkwardness of being left behind as a third wheel. There can even be an unspoken commiseration over their current third wheel-iness. Rhett turns to face this fellow “single Pringle” and manages a smile that almost doesn’t look nervous at all. 

“So, how’ve you been?”

Progress has been made, it’s fair to say, although they're still very much in the friendly acquaintance stage. Even so, it’s nice to be able to exchange subtle nods of greeting across South Main Street. Danny has other ways of reaching the bookshop if he were so inclined, but he conveniently keeps asking Rhett for a ride to make sure his best bud will be in the right place at the right time. Not wanting to be too obvious, Rhett always busies himself afterward by entering other nearby shops as if he’s come this way to run errands. Much to his delighted surprise, there comes one afternoon when Nola’s friend uses this to her advantage. Rhett comes back to find a scrap of notebook paper with seven digits tucked under his windshield wiper. 

Call me sometime - S.

“So your friend Marty always addresses you by a nickname?”

“Sorta. I don’t know if it really counts as a nickname when she tries to steer clear of repeats so it’s never the same. More like name puns? Play on words or whatever.”

“Gotcha. I’m gonna give you one for your contact in my phone. It’s like  Rheumatologist, Rhinocerous, stuff like that?”

“Nah, that’s more like that Benedict guy who played the dragon fr--”

“Got it! I’m texting you a screenshot.”

“...Rutabaga Wickerchair. You’re pretty proud of that one, aren’t you?”

“Taking my bows as we speak. I brought it up a level ’cause your last name’s in it now, too.”

“All right, two can play at that game. Check your messages.”

“Symphony OldMacDonald. That is... something special.”

“Hey, it’s a closer match than Rutabaga.”

“Debatable.”

“A coffee date. Very conventional. And very not you.” 

“What can I say? I’m a man of mystery. Gotta keep you on your toes.”

"Sure, Jan. C’mon, spill it. What’s going on, Scruffleupagus? You’re up to something; I know it. This wouldn’t happen to be one of your collaborative effort pranks, would it?”

“Dunno. Guess you’ll have to wait in suspense and find out.”

“Gonna keep your secrets to the last, huh? All right. But I’m on to you.”

“Scruffle Shuffle!”

Rhett cleans the cheese dust off his fingers with meticulous care, pretending not to hear.

“Rhett!”

He tilts back his head, catching the remaining bag crumbs in his mouth. Rhett gives no indication that he has seen her waving.

“Pardon me... Handsome!”

Rhett smiles in spite of himself but keeps up the act that he hasn’t noticed her prior to this moment.

“Oh hey, Syd.”

“Y’know, strictly speaking, we’re not allowed to bring outsiders back here.”

“Funny, of the two of us, I’d have said you're the one who favors the Ponyboy aesthetic.”

“Har-dee-har. You know the kind I mean.”

“Non-delinquents?” 

“Uh, yeah, something like that.”

“They’re right to be wary, y’know.”

“’Cause I’m such a bad influence?”

“No, ’cause I am. I throw a mean bash, mister. Gimme a box of rinse cups, some AA batteries, and a little dry ice and I could put this place on the social map in a night.”

“A regular Party MacGyver, eh?”

“Damn straight.”

“I’d better not let The Powers That Be know you’re here, then.”

“You’re gonna protect me from your scary headmistress?”

“Yup.”

“Risking life and limb for your lady fair?”

“Yeah or, y’know, like a month’s detention.”

“And they say chivalry is dead.”

“This is where you wanted to show me? One of the piers under the bridge?”

“Yup, this is the one.”

“Interesting. Why this place? What makes it special?”

“I don’t know. It’s quiet, I guess.”

“Yeah. Or it was, ’til you brought me out here.”

“Hmm... The water does seem weirdly still. Even the semis don’t scare off the fish, but they sure heard you coming.”

“Watch yourself, Studly, or I’m gonna help you get intimately acquainted with the Delaware.”

A handful of the academy kids are sitting with Nola and her friends around a bonfire on the shoreline. On a log by themselves near the far side of the circle, Syd and Rhett scuff sand onto the ends of each other’s shoes and make shadow puppets in the flickering glow from the flames.

“Crap, outta juice again,” Marty whines a little louder than necessary and tilts her Solo cup with an exaggerated flip of the wrist. 

“There are a few Mike’s left in the cooler,” Nola points out.

Marty pretends to consider them but wrinkles her nose. “The ice has gotten melted from being too close to the fire.”

“I’ll get you a cold one from the spare supply in the truck,” Vanessa volunteers.

“Aww, thanks, babe. You’re the best.” Marty gives her a peck on the cheek and they discretely exchange a conspiratorial wink.

Things go back to normal for a minute or two until Marty’s cell phone suddenly blares. The ringtone is so loud that everyone around the bonfire jumps about half a foot. 

“Sha la la la la la! Don't be scared. You better be prepared. Go on and kiss the girl!

Marty puts a hand to her chest and gives an exaggerated laugh.

“Oh, that must be my talent manager. Excuse me. I really have to take this.”

She sweeps away into the darkness with the phone pressed to her ear, kicking Rhett’s shin rather sharply as she passes. He winces and rubs the leg of his jeans but, when he sits upright again, Syd is watching him. Did she glance at his lips just then or was it a trick of the light?

[edwina333-blog]

Out of the game before the game starts

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