#from 1 to 10 in the devil's scale he's like a 4?

[maxdibert]

everyone can argue & defend snape all they want but tbh deep down irdgaf!! like at allll!!

his complexity & controversial actions is what makes him a great character .. in fact, I wish he was MORE of an asshole to everybody in that story actually!

Honestly, my main problem with people trying to paint Severus as the reincarnation of the devil is that he really wasn’t that bad of a person. I mean, within the world of Harry Potter, where the moral and emotional depth of the characters is flatter than an ironing board, sure, we can place him somewhere on the spectrum of morally gray characters. But in literally any other universe with an adult perspective and moral framework, he’d be nothing more than a mischievous puppy that trashed the house once, got punished for it, and never peed inside again.

He’s not even a bad guy—he’s just an insufferable bastard with psychological issues who made bad choices as a kid and then regretted them, all while keeping his bad temper. Honestly, I wish he had been more of a bastard. I would’ve thoroughly enjoyed it if he had let the dementors kill Sirius or poisoned one of Remus’ wolfsbane potions. And even if he had done that, I wouldn’t have thought it was that bad because, frankly, if you take revenge on your bullies, well… there’s a certain— I don’t know— a level of understanding to that.

But anyway, what exactly did he do that was so terrible? Objectively, what did he do that was so bad? We spend our lives fangirling over and worshipping characters who have committed mass genocides, killed children, left kids quadriplegic, burned down entire cities, and are complete psychopaths—yet suddenly, we get all moralistic over a character who followed a shitty cult when he was 17 or 18 and was later just a rude bastard to a handful of annoying kids? Seriously? What world do these people live in? Your upstairs neighbor is probably a worse person than he ever was.

[irenadel]

And if the devil… 10/10

Aemond Targaryen X Maid!Reader TW: For the aftermath of DV Thank you to @barbieaemond for letting me use her beautiful gifs to make this lovely fic banner. As promised am tagging @prettyduckling22

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9

It is raining heavily when the queen finds you. The lantern she holds aloft barely lets her and her father see you and they dare not come any closer. Her son’s dragon is wide awake, making a dreadful rumbling sound somewhere deep in her gullet. There is a soft, hazy glow all along the beast’s underbelly, like dying embers, like a fire you make the mistake of considering dead.

Alicent feels like her entire body has been turned to lead, soft and infinitely heavy. She hears her father hold his breath and knows, at least, she is not alone in her terror.

He does not leave her. He holds her shoulders steady and Alicent is grateful for that.

“Aemond…”

When Vhagar picks her head from the ground, moves it like Alicent imagines avalanches must move, she is still making that wrathful, rumbling sound. The ground shakes with it. Her legs feel like they will not carry her weight and she wants to weep, like a child, when the dragon opens her mouth to breathe hot and humid and carrion-like upon her.

She wonders if this was the last thing her son saw with both eyes, before that terrible night where it had all begun to go wrong.

“Try again,” her father whispers in her ear. Always try again. Never a moment’s rest.

“Aemond please,” she croaks out, the feeble light of her lantern trembling in the wind. “I’ll be quick.”

The dragon makes another noise and Alicent finds it to be the most awful of all, for she feels it, to the bottom of her belly, a heavy, nauseous weight, a near human moan of pain. When Vhagar cocks her massive head to better look at her, Alicent nearly cries in fear until she sees those eyes. Always they had seemed beady and lizard-like to her, predatory and unknowable, but now they just seem miserably tired.

For a moment she feels ashamed.

I trusted you with him, the ancient, watery eyes of the dragon Vhagar seem to say to her. I trusted you with him and always you have failed me. First the eye and now this…

She breathes the words between near-clenched teeth and it is a wonder to her that the dragon seems to understand as she turns from her and to her father behind her. She advances without him, without even looking back at him, unable to explain the price of going under the great dragon Vhagar’s wings to him.

He would not have paid it anyway. He has never paid it for her.

When she finds you and her son laying against the wall of stinking, warm scales she almost pays it again. She covers her mouth and traps the words behind her fingers. 

I’m sorry, she wants to repeat, but finds she cannot. Not when confronted with her son’s bloodied face years ago, not now that he doesn’t look at her, you in his arms, wrapped in his green cloak, kept warm by dragonfire, dry by one leathery wing held close to the dragon’s body. She barely recognizes you in the gloom under Vhagar’s shadow. Ugly, scrawny thing that you had been. Remarkable only for your strange coloring and the princess’s favor. You had made Helaena happy and thus the queen had tolerated your ill manners. You had been smart and obedient and made yourself scarce when you had become a problem and Alicent had been grateful for the discretion if for nothing else.

Now she feels ill looking at the blood upon your dress. She cannot tell much else with her single lantern’s light and she almost doesn’t dare whisper it: “Is she alive?”

Aemond’s hand stops, halfway through caressing your short, matted hair. There’s dried blood all over one side of your face, your temple and cheek having already swollen black and blue. Your eyes are closed, your hand holding onto the prince’s neck is swollen too, white-knuckled and clenched.

He still does not look at her.

“You can leave now,” he answers and Alicent does not know his voice in that moment. Wants to shake some sense into him as she has done to his brother so many times. A man’s voice, with a petulant boy’s demand.

“She needs a maester, Aemond,” she tries again, not even knowing if it would not just be wiser to let this all die down. Let things take their natural course and help her son mourn, later, once the danger is over.

Aemond is speaking to you, low and gentle, in a soft, kind tone Alicent hasn’t heard from him since he had both eyes. Some of it must be High Valyrian, the rest Alicent cannot recognize. There is a cadence to it, like music. Through it, she hears Vhagar howl again, sees the pebbles on the floor jump with the monstrous vibration of it all and knows she cannot.

Who knows what would be left of her boy if she lets him lose one more thing?

“I’ll bring the maester here,” she capitulates, kneeling down besides the two of you, just to get a better look at you. A fever, she feels when she dares put her hand on your ruined cheek. But you breathe at least. When she gets up to leave, she feels the tug of her son’s hand on her wrist, terrifyingly strong and uncaring, but is glad that he should at least look at her now.

“It was a lost babe,” he says, his voice that of a man, she realizes now, because all emotion is gone from it. Alicent’s heart turns to ice. “A beating and a punch to the gut.”

She had not fled Vhagar when the hoary old thing had turned to her, but she flees her son now. You and her son.

Things have a price, the septons had said sometimes, when she was young and naughty and free. She thinks of Aemma Arryn and her own four living children. She thinks of her daughter, white-faced and grim in spite of the healthy, beautiful babe she had borne. When she ignores her father’s imprecations, when she drags a young and discrete maester to the seaside cliff where Vhagar nests, when together they try to pry you from Prince Aemond’s arms and succeed only in getting him to carry you gently, ever so gently, back to the Red Keep, she thinks of the price of things.

An apology she will never speak to her child but only to his dragon.

A girl’s life. A boy’s soul.

She is done letting her son pay the price and she tells her father as much. He can handle the gossip and the angry lords. It matters little. If he cannot, then perhaps her son’s dragon will.

The prince waits.

He watches a young, redhead maester unstick the clothes off your body and sponge the blood off your skin. Grand Maester Mellos is too important to bother with you.

He listens and seethes. His mother behind him, eyes moist, looking to him though he cannot answer them.

The young maester tells you the blows to the head are the most worrisome. That and your coming cold. He does not use the word babe when he says there should be no lasting damage, it was an early pregnancy. He gives you willow bark tea for the pain and makes you sweat out the rest of your fever. Rest and food should put you to rights, he says to you. He speaks only to you, firm but gentle, not to the prince standing besides your bed, sword-straight and impassive. He is too cautious and well-mannered to let more than pursed-lips betray his anger at whatever royal mistreatment has befallen you. He has no qualms in telling you to call him if you were to have need of moontea, even with the queen and prince balefully looming over him and his patient. Aemond almost likes him.

The queen tries once to suggest moving you out of the prince’s quarters. She does not try again.

The prince waits.

He will allow no servants to tend to you, no one but the queen and maester. When necessary, he will change the linens on his bed himself while you sleep, the way you had taught him to do with his own royal father. It frightens him, how deep your slumber is.

The prince sleeps as close to you as he dares, curled up like a dog at the foot of his own bed. He crawls in it when you are asleep, unwilling to give you the chance to chase him away, soaking up your lingering warmth, too ashamed to ask for it, too desperate to forgo it entirely. He almost thinks he need not bother.

Because the prince waits and still you will not speak.

Your face has gone from black to green to a sickly yellow. You sit in a prince’s bed. You eat the bread he gives you and drink the stew he spoons into your mouth. Sip the warm tea he brings you while you stare at the sheets and say nothing.

Aemond is too miserably aware of how low he is willing to stoop for your voice to attempt speaking to you himself. He has considered it all. Shaking it out of you, with a shout and a curse. Dragging his brother to this room and killing him for you, for himself. Bringing his sister here. Her children. Taking you in his arms again and taking you to Vhagar, flying across the sea, to anywhere that will make you speak again… smile again…

You are slipping from his hands, as far away as you were during those first few days when he would skulk outside closed doors and steal away snippets of your voice, low and husky, singing foreign nonsense to his niece and nephew.

But he is too tired now to summon the outrage he used to feel, at you owning comfort he could not reach.

So the prince waits… until he can wait no more.

“Please,” he says to you, as you sit and stare. “Please…”

You still say nothing. But you do look at him. You reach for his hand and he lets you have it, for as many hours as you need it, even as it grows numb in your grasp. You hold its warmth to your belly, as if the blood of the dragon could thaw the cold residing in there now.

He looks at your glassy eyes, your white-knuckled hand and his own on your belly and he knows what he must do. He should have done it long ago, the first time he had ever seen the blood on your split lip, the bruises on your pale skin. He should have known better than to let himself be distracted by the beauty they revealed to him. He kisses your forehead before he does, trying not to tremble at the brief taste of your skin. He is a man starving, with hunger’s implacable ruthlessness.

When he returns, he drops your cousin’s severed hand upon your lap. The hand that took a prince’s son from him. Prince Aemond One-Eye himself, a bruise of his own on his face, hair wild, eyepatch and dignity forgotten. What he will never forget again is the sound a man makes when Valyrian steel cuts through his flesh and bone.

You do not understand. For a moment you are so stunned and angry it knocks the numbness right out of your lungs. You look at your prince, watch him fall to his knees, lay his head on your lap, besides your flesh and blood, and almost forget to make sense of the words when they come out of him. Westerosi is only your second tongue after all.

“I would have you sing again,” he says with the hoarse rawness of a man who has just discovered all his cruelty to be bravado. “I would have you laugh again.”

And it is awful, to think Aemond would not know that there is no blood that could buy back your soul. Awful but not surprising, that he should not know pain and sorrow could only beget more of themselves. You had known this of him, the first time you had ever seen a sapphire hiding pain. You try not to think of Angus, still a boy, still as much a boy as Prince Aemond himself. You try not to think of what a hand means to a working man and not to a prince. You try not to think of the bridges he has burnt or the ties he has severed for you forever more, when he severed tendon and marrow.

Because if you start thinking of it, you will find yourself fiercely glad that he did.

You will find within your breast a cry of vicious triumph, that sounds to your mind like a Dothraki screamer. Nothing that could ever bring you comfort. Nothing that could ever pay for the death of your dreams, or your hopes, or your love for a boy who had been your boy until he wasn’t.

Nothing that would help.

But still, Aemond had done it for you. Useless, the mother you had barely known had called it in the far reaches of your memory, when men beat their breasts and swear death to you.

Useless perhaps, but he had done it for you.

He lets out a sob when your hand runs through his hair.

“You have no coin,” you say to him and he near cries in relief at the sound of your voice. “To buy back my joy. There is no joy left for me in the world. I have nothing.”

You’ve taken it all from me, you do not say. With black steel and my kinsman’s blood. No hope now, to go back home.

Good.

You think of getting up and not looking back. You think of sailing the poison water and finding your way back to the land of your father, to endless grass and sun-baked earth. You see life unfurling before you, empty and safe. A man maybe. A strong rider who would give you strong children instead of moontea and grief. Small, boring children that do not eat your insides with fangs and claws and fire.

Aemond burrows his face into your lap and crushes your borrowed shift and sheets in his bloodied hands.

You know you cannot. You have no home left but him.

“You’ve nothing I want, Aemond One-Eye. Nothing to pay me with but one thing.”

You see him whip his head off the bed to look at you, the nightmares and dread written clearly on a face too young and beautiful to bear them, warring now with desperate hope. You take this face into your hands, this face you have cherished and cursed, and hold it close to yours, grip tight enough to keep your hands from shaking.

“You,” you breathe and he reaches back for you, hands flying to your neck and gripping you as close as you grip him, choking back a cry of savage joy. “You are the only thing I will ever want again. The only coin I will take. I have nothing but you, nothing. So you will pay me with your life. Swear to me… swear you’ll live forever.”

Easy promise for a king’s son, you think. Easy to think you would go first, of toil or hunger or sorrow. As long as he lived it would be alright.

“I swear,” he answers as he lets you taste the tears off his lips. “Forever.”

I almost cannot grasp I am done with this. It's been consuming my life for the last couple of months. I've been virtually possessed by the idea and I am just glad I was able to surf the wave until I could finish it. Extra chapter and all. I think I've got a couple more Aemond porn one-shots in me that I've started and will probably try to finish. Some Helaemond X Reader and some Aegond X Reader if anyone wants to hear a little bit more of this verse... or at least the shoddy AU I have to conjure to get the pretty Targaryen people to fuck without killing each other. Thank you so much to everyone who commented and left likes. ...not that I will ever admit to obsessively refreshing AO3 and tumblr for likes but yeah... You guys are the best T_T thank you

[chzdavmpr]

So after listening to and loving the most recent That Handsome Devil album I had 2 thoughts. 1: More people should post about them on here. 2: Since I liked this new album so much I should listen to the rest of their discography, like obviously there's a handful of songs I listened to even before this new album but I know next to nothing about their older work.

So that's what this post is, me going through their entire discography album by album, song by song, and giving my thoughts. I'll spend a few days with each album in order to get my a proper opinion of each song. (Disclaimer: I am very unknowledgeable about music so a lot of what I say will be wrong. For example I am very bad at telling if something is guitar or bass. But in general if you get angry at people not knowing music stuff then scroll past)

I'll also be rating each song from 1-5 for funsies. However given that I am a fan of the band that scale is a very positive weighted one, so a 1 here is like a 5/10 on a normal scale.

That Handsome Devil (The Album)

Standing Room in Heaven

The first song of the band's self titled first album goes for a bit of a slow feel, giving vibes of a 20s gang speakeasy filled with cigar smoke. We of course have the great vocals of Godforbid that really just hit all those great notes that help this be a good smooth jazzy song. The main problems I have with it are that the bits of energetic drums in the first half feel likee they come and go out of nowhere. Also the song is just a bit long if you ask me, could have had 1 less chorus and maybe a little less instrumental at the end. 3/5

Yada Yada

Yada Yada is an odd one. For this song Godforbid adds a certain wobblyness to his voice that… kinda works. It adds a memorable sound to the song and doesn't sound bad, but it can sound a bit like he's a cartoon goat. However this song has an amazing beat that always has me bobbing in my chair. And the bit with the backup vocals is just superb. I feel like the score for this one could fluctuate a lot based on my mood but for now I will give a 4/5

Sleep it Off

If the previous song made ms bob in my seat this one makes me want to get up and do a groovy little walk down the street. There is just so much that I like here. The multiple different vocalizations in the background, what sounds like violin during the chorus. I feel like this song accomplishes what it sets out to do perfectly. 5/5

Elephant Bones

From what I know this is the most recognized song in this album (apparently it's even guitar hero. wow.). And I can see why, it's the most danceable song on the album. It's also got a lot of interesting layers with I feel a large difference in energy between it's high and low energy parts. That said, I might just be burn out on this song since I actually found it before I started this whole listen though, but I find I want just a little more something from it. Still great but I think only 4/5 great instead of full score.

Dating Tips

I don't think I get this song. To me it feels less like a song and more poetry with a simple melody in the background. Also the background vocals on this one are notably- well- bad. It's some good poetry tho and I can definitely see this being a song that a different person loves, but for me it's 1/5

Miss America

Our first real somber song gives a great feeling of melancholy, really showing that Godforbid can also put quite a lot of emotion into his vocals instead of just funky energy. Honestly I kinda wish it leaned more into the slow and quiet, but as is it's still a good 3/5!

James Dean

I do not know about music theory to explain why this song works for me. It kinda sucks. 4/5

Closing thoughts: I feel like my opinion on this album changed a lot in a very short time. On the first listen or two Elephant Bones and Yada Yada would have been a pretty easy top 2 for me, but I feel now that they've fallen behind Sleep it off and James Dean. It's a very consistent album if you ignore Dating Tips, but I feel like the band can for sure reach higher peaks than this.

A City Dressed in Dynamite

Damn Door

This is another weird one. Like you know when there's a song that's carried a lot by the chorus and the rest of the song is fine but it's not what you're there for? This song is a song made only of those parts. Nothing is bad but it leaves me wanting for a good part that doesn't come. I wouldn't skip past it in an album listen-through but it ain't going in the shuffle. 2/5

Wintergreen

We got a hint of surf rock here. This is kinda the kind of song I was talking about with the last one, where most of the song is unimpressive but then the "sleepin on a subway! sittin up above me! runnin since the day I was bawn!" hits and it gets stuck in your head. Other than that I also feel the drums are notably good in this song. 3/5

Rob The Prez-O-Dent

I haven't talked about lyrics much but this one is just very fun conceptually. Who wouldn't want to get drunk with the boys and rob the prez-o-dent for completely apolitical reasons? This feels like the soundtrack of a goofy yet violent cartoon comedy. (I've seen a meme of this song with the tf2 mercs and that feels perfect) The song also has a very good sound, with a constantly high energy and incorporating things like alarms and shotgun blasts into the instrumentals in a really good way that adds a lot of spice. 5/5

Pills For Everything

If I could describe this song in a word it would be "smooth". The guitar does a lot this song, especially to make the intentionally tired-sounding "oooh"s and "aaay"s sound actually good. I also don't know enough about music to describe it well but I think the meter of this song does some really cool things. If someone who knows more about poetry or music could describe why this song does it well please let me know. 4/5

Cry

If ever there was a song I expected to be a somber song based on the title it was this one. But I was a fool cause this is a bop. Whenever I listen to this song for the next 20 minutes I'm saying "alone in my appartment- eating all the garbage" to myself, which isn't the lyric but I like it. This song is just firing on all cylinders. Good drums. Good brass. Good guitar. Good vocals all around. 5/5

Kiss The Cook

I feel like this song does what it's trying to do well, but what it's trying isn't my taste. It's quite atmospheric aside from the vocals, and I feel it does a good job of getting across the feeling of slow prolonged rot and emotional numbness the song is going for, but that leads to it not coming at you with any strong emotion which is how I personally like my sad songs. If I was rating quality it's a 3 or 4 but I'm rating more on opinion so 2/5

Viva Discordia

I feel like this song gets mad overshadowed by the sequel song. Which honestly- yeah. Deserved. This song is good but (spoilers) the other one is better. On it's own this song has a fun sense of old school rural folk song (at least to me. but that may just be the banjo). It has lyrics that almost tell a bunch of short stories which is fun. 3/5

Squares

Ok so you know how a lot of THD songs will have little bits of audio at the end. I don't know if they're clips from old tv or radio or what. But I think they are good, they give you a wind down and since they are at the end they are easy to skip by just going to the next song. I bring this up to nitpick that this song has one of those at the start, which is WAY worse since they are much harder to skip. You just have to wait like 20 seconds after you start the song before the song actually starts. The actual song is fine I guess. It's got a weird thing I assume is a keyboard in the background. Other than that my feelings are basically the same as Damn Door, except I usually end up skipping this one because of the 20 second startup, even if the song is a bit better. 2/5

Mexico

This song is hype. To me it gives vibes of triumph, of being the coolest badass, and an "all my fellas" type companionship. If I actually read the lyrics it that probably wouldn't be the vibe at all but for now this song is the vibe of that hype moment when the hero confidently walks up to the bbeg, now having the power to wipe the floor with them. 5/5

Reagan's Kids

This is another song where I wish I knew more about music theory in order to explain why I love that song. All I can say is listen to this song, and if you can't help but join in with the vocalizations at about the 1:50 mark, and just harmonize with it, then we are on the same wavelength. You get this song like I get it. 5/5

Treefood

I feel like I've been complaining a lot about the more sadder or melancholic songs, so I feel it's important to point out that this is the kinda song that does that in a way I can really get behind. I like it when a song can use the entirety on it's sound to grab your heart and make you feel a way. This song does that. The grief. The longing. The acceptance. It's purely gripping. And it all comes together with the ending vocalizations followed by somber strings and accordion. This isn't quite a song that will make me cry but it's a beautiful piece of music. 5/5

Ok so this is written quite a bit after the paragraph above, about when I'm finishing up my thoughts on D&G4E. I just discovered that apparently this album (and as far as I can tell only this album) has a whole bunch of sneaky secret tracks that aren't on Spotify. So I guess I should go over those as well. (ps the closing thoughts for this album were written before this and I will not be bothered to change it)

Atom Shell

Weird thing about this one is it's the same upload as Treefood on the YouTube playlist I found of these, and it's just separated by some silence. I imagine that with physical releases of the music if you let it play for a while after Treefood ended that's how you were supposed to find this hidden track. As for the song itself it's a pretty standard but very good rock song. And of course it has the anything but standard vocals of Godforbid to set it apart. For me this was a first listen 5/5

Karaoke Burial

Very strong beat. I feel the vocals can clash with it a bit at times, but just a bit. I feel this one is ripe for getting stuck in your head, but I'm going through these a little faster than others so that hasn't happened yet. 3/5

Power Drunk

Very understated. The bass is good, but other than that all there really is is some mediocre bongos, some quite weak vocals, and noises that kinda just cover up the song. Low 2/5

Powderbomb

Yeah I can jive with this. I can get behind this. It's just got a great energetic feel that really makes you wanna move, especially that second half. Love when a song goes boom. 5/5

Romance is Dead

The slower parts are kinda just a weaker version of Inside You which we'll get to later, but the rest is a completely different song. It's loud, it's got some good brass in there, it's bombastic, it's really good. Not the best but really good. It's so weird how it keeps weaving between these 2 completely different sounds. The average of the song is like a high 3/5 but let it be know that this is a very odd song to rate.

Closing thoughts: This one is quite a lot less consistent than the last one, but I guess that comes with having a lot more songs. But when this album hits it HITS. Those last 3 songs especially are better than anything on the first album. And tbh I prefer an album with a few huge bangers compared to one that's just decent from top to bottom. (side note added later: but why is like a 3rd of the whole album secret?? Like I get 1 maybe 2 but 5/16???)

Enlightenment's For Suckers

Bullet Math

Decent instrumental on this one but the vocals are little weak. There's a part in the chorus where Godforbid sounds like Squidward, and depending on who you are that might make the whole song unlistenable or it will be the part that gets stuck in your head for some reason and you'll come to like it. I'm in the later half so I think it's an alright song. 3/5

Stockholm Syndrome

Very consistent song this one. It's pretty strong all around, a very nice beat, a bit of that jazzy brass. It's a bit repetitive I feel tho, with only that one bit about 2 minutes in that I feel really breaks up the song. 4/5

Disco City

OOooohoohoo! Take me down to the Disco City indeed! I'm a very big fan of the energy with this one. It's also got some great variety in sound, avoiding the problem of the previous song, yet still feels very coherent. 5/5

Eristocrats (Discordia pt. II)

This is the song that pretty handily overshadowed the og Discordia, and as I said earlier, I think that's quite justified, this is a great song. It trades out the previous honky tonk instrumental and "ooooo" background vocals for chanting and more rockabilly instrumentals (I think. I haven't really listened to rockabilly but that's the vibe I get). Point is that this song has upped it's energy to where instead of hearing stories round a campfire in the woods you're now hearing them from the crowd around a carnival barker. Does any of what I just said make sense? I dunno. 5/5

Johnny Wouldn't Die

Perfectly passable song. I think the kinda underplayed vocals give this one a very unique voice. However it loses all the points for that from the "go johnny go" part, which is a low of the album for me. Perhaps that's hypocritical since I liked the squidward singing in Bullet Math and this is kinda similar, but it's my list and I do what I want. low 3/5

Closing thoughts: There's a very important reason I gave each of these albums a few days to really sink in instead of giving my literal first impressions, and that's because I'm someone who's opinion of a song can change a LOT over repeated listenings. One of my favorite albums is Mouth Dreams by Neil Cicierega, and I hated it on my first listen. And honestly the majority of THD songs are like that for me, where it takes at least a few listens before they really click for me. I bring this up now because wow I did NOT jive with this album on first listen (except for Eristocrats, but I've been listening to that one for a while now). I literally remember thinking "wow it's a shame that I'm going to be so negative twords nearly this whole album". But then I listened to it a bit more, and it really grew on me. Disco City in particular went from real zero to hero, but even the rest of them went from 1s and 2s to 3s and 4s.

Oh btw I probably should have mentioned this earlier, but this and one other album we'll get to and another one later are technically EPs. But I don't care and I'm just calling them albums.

The Heart Goes to Heaven, the Head Goes to Hell

Adapt

This one flips a lot between the more "boogie" side of the THD sound and the more "pretty" side. I think they make it work pretty well tho. The bit at 2:45 is a particular highlight, so much so that it almost makes this otherwise 4/5 song into a 5. Problem is that the song definitely should have ended at the end of the section, at about 3:23. But as is the song just kinda continues with more of the same and feels like it more stops than ends. So close to full marks, so much so that I could make a full marks version by just trimming the audio file myself, but as is it's a 4/5.

Becky's New Car

I honestly get almost the vibes of slam poetry from this one. Maybe that's because I feel the instrumentals are definitely not the strong part of this song. But other than that I love this song. The vocals are just beautiful. It's subdued but still dripping with emotion. Even there's a line or two where it almost sounds like a voice crack, this is such an amazing vocal work that I think it carries this song to a 4/5 on it's own.

Twist the Knife

I wanna say this one has vaudeville vibes but I have no idea if that's accurate. It's a fun and bouncy little ditty. I feel like this would be great music for a stroll in the park. 4/5

The U & I in Suicide

There's a 8 note loop that the bass guitar is doing in this song. It reminds me of something but I can't quite place it. Other than that my feelings on this one are pretty tepid. It's not really bad but I don't really like it either. 2/5

Charlie's Inferno

Great song. 5/5. Ok now that that's out of the way I'm gonna rant a bit.

I'm glad that at least one of THD's songs hit semi-mainstream-in-niche-online-circles. It means there's tons of cool fanart, discussion, and even animatics about this song. I've also heard that this song's success may have led to THD making their 2 most recent albums, which if true is great! Buuuuut- it's still kinda frustrating how much this is like the only song that people talk about. Part of that may be that there aren't really any other songs in their discography that sounds like this (some are kinda close but not quite), so people who came to the band from this song didn't stick around for the rest. Part of it's also definitely people not even trying the rest of their songs. And it's just a bummer sometimes to search the tag on here and only see stuff about one of their songs. Sorry if you were waiting this entire time to hear my thoughts and takes on this song but the entire reason I made this massive post was to talk about about every song other than this. Again tho, great song. 5/5.

Karmakaze

What even is this? There's some decent parts but like 70% of this song is the words "c-c-c-c-cultural k-k-k-kamekaze". And even the decent 30% would still be like 2 or 3 if the whole song was that. Worst one since Dating Tips, maybe worse. 1/5

Loving Parasite

Last third is a little weak but the rest is astounding. Great beat. Great bass. Excellent chorus. Very standing-up-in-the-middle-of-those-spinny-things-at-playgrounds-while-a friend-spins-you-core. 5/5

One More Try

Back to the slam poetry vibe but in a very different way (honestly more fitting descriptor here but I write these in order and don't feel like rephrasing the last one). Out of all THD songs this would be one you could probably put in the background and have it not be too distracting. Which isn't really what I'm looking for with THD but I guess the song is good at what it does. 3/5

Buyer's Remorse

Grungy. A little dirty. It starts with a real thunk and then gets floatier throughout the song before going right back to the weighty stuff at the peak. The thunk part is the best. 3/5

Bored

Ok so you know that one rhythm heaven minigame with the rocket where you need to go donk donk? That minigame's grizzled dad became part of this song. Anyway this song is really good. Got a sleezy, kinda shadowy feel. 5/5

My Pen Is a Shiv

Another song that kinda goes in a lot of directions, rarely repeating itself. But all the different places it goes are good and work. Great song if you like Godforbit just holding a note with the vague suggestion of words while a good beat happens, cause that's the only vit that repeats. 4/5

Inside You

I feel this is the rare combo of slower song with high energy. Said energy builds pretty satisfyingly to a peak near the end. 3/5

Party's Dead

Another beautiful emotionally resonant song. The song tells of hopefulness to change, but uncertainty of if the singer has the strength to make those changes and I think that vibe would come across even if you didn't understand the lyrics. Plus this one actually has some really good instrumentals, so I give it 5/5

Closing thoughts: I'm very mixed on this one. There's some great stuff here like Charlie's Inferno and the emotional songs, but there's also like 2 and a half stinkers which isn't bad but is more than this band normally has. But what sticks in my mind most is just the feeling that this album has a lot of good songs that just a little pizzazz away from being amazing.

Drugs and Guns for Everyone

No Roots

Generally just a great energy with this one. Very strong chorus that really gets stuck in your head. Lyrics are pretty repetitive honestly but other than that it's good. If I were to assign this song an action, it would be doing a big kick into the air. 4/5

The Cops!

Dire. Threatening. Hints of grandiose. That's the vibe I get from this song, and given the subject matter I imagine that's intentional. This one isn't much of a dancer but definitely a head bobber. Best part I think is the end where it really drills into you the haunting line "your freedom don't belong to you". 4/5

Throwing Up

I had the unfortunate experience of this coming up in shuffle while I was listening to music with my mom. That aside this song has some really good drums, guitar, and vocals (which to be fair is kinda a given for THD but this one I think is even above normal). Once again the airy-er part about near the end is a highlight but the rest of the song is also stellar. If you avoid my mistake of listening to this when your parents are present this is a 5/5

$=♡

(had to copy paste that Unicode heart) Stellar song here. Comes out fists swinging and slowly mellows out before getting into this album's first instance of "pretty instrumentation that I don't know how to describe" which we'll be seeing a few times in this album. It almost feels like this song shouldn't work, like it should clash with itself, but I feel that having it start so high makes the more subdued later parts feel a lot weightier than they otherwise would have. 5/5

Party Mom and Invisible Dad

Has that "song doesn't start until 20 seconds in" problem I talked about with Squares but here I think the song that follows is good enough to where it doesn't bother me as much. Speaking of good music, this is debatably that. It's got 70s infomercial vibes which just sound like a bad foundation but they make it work. It's almost got a Charlie's Inferno vibe. It also has some of that "pretty instrumentals that I can't describe" in the chorus. If someone hated this song I would absolutely get it, but for me this is a high 4/5

Junkies In Love

I bet there are people who headcanon that the titular junkies in this song go on to become the parents in the last song. This one has a wonderful old school romance song vibe, with of course the THD edge painted on. Gets especially strong in the later half. The piano also adds a lot. 5/5

The Face For It

This one I feel has each element just a little off. The vocals are weak, the beat is bland and the rest of the instrumentals are awkward. Any one on their own would still have it be a fine song, but since EVERYTHING is a little off it ends up having the song as a whole being pretty not good. 2/5

70's Tuxedos

Buttery smooth it also has a few seconds of that "pretty instrumentals that I can't describe" near the middle with is a nice shake up that prevents the song from getting repetitive. I also feel like there's something weird going on with this song music theory wise, but I think it works and helps the song sound nice. 4/5

Goldfish Brain

It's ok. Instrumental could be a bit stronger. Backing vocals noticeably above par. Most 3/5 song so far.

Time Machine

Oooh. OOOH. Takes 21 seconds to start this time but honestly I think this song uses it kinda well, with the instant drop into this song's aggressively strong piano. Said piano also gets the vibe of going back in time all on its own. I imagine it may be a common chord progression in reverse or something (reminder: still don't know music. if that's embarrassingly wrong I'm sorry). The harsh parts are epic and the gentle parts are emotionally gripping. Easy 5/5

A Drink To Death

It's got a unique sound. Not one that I particularly care for tho. I struggle to really say anything about this one. Not really bad- but as the ratings I give are based on my own opinion I have to give it a high 2/5. The ytp-like bit at the end is neat and kinda funny, but that's not song.

The Last Ones

15 seconds. This one's got a great almost western style guitar that leads into the gentle somber vocals that drip with emotion, all the while backed by a very strong beat. The bits with the bells is also partially good. If we were to divide THD's songs into danceable and non-danceable this would be one of the very strongest in the later category.

Closing Thoughts: I feel this is the most unique sounding album so far. I feel like I could identify any song from here just based off the distinct vibe they all share. Quality wise tho it's pretty standard; a few greats, a lot of good, and a few ehhs.

History Is A Suicide Note

Savages

Pretty sure this is THD's second most popular song, and I think it definitely earns that spot. The lyrics got a nice flow to them, the chorus is great, the instruments are unique but not overpowering at all. You don't need me to tell you this song is good. The only reason I wouldn't give it full marks is just because I've listened to it so many times that I'm a little burned out on it. But let's not kid ourselves. 5/5

Fake

If I could describe this song in a word, it would be heavy. Not in terms of subject matter (but being a THD it isn't entirely light in that regard) but this song is heavy in the way that every note has a real weight to it. It's soo bassy. I feel like this is a song music snobs would hate but for me this is another 5/5

Emergency

Very early 2000s emo kid brand of metal, or at least that's the vibe I get as someone who doesn't know what I'm talking about. It's got a nice sense of building, it only really goes down in intensity once in the whole song. 4/5

Echo Chamber

Pretty man voice 👍 4/5

Pendulumonium

This song is like if Karmakaze was good. It's a LOT of the same words repeating over and over, but it has excellent vocals and the way he says "swoop" just gets in my brain just the right way. 4/5

Closing Thoughts: If you ask me every single song here is good. I think ACDID is still my favorite release because of how high the highs of that are, but this is the album with the least low lows by far. Any song with this album cover shows up in shuffle and I am happy to hear it.

Your Parents Are Sellouts

Intro

Not much here is there? Ohh I know! I have nowhere else to put this so let me go more in depth with how I choose my rating for each track! There are 2 main ways I listen to music; going through a release in order, start to finish, and my own person shuffle (usually based off the artist, so for example I have a shuffle of every THD song I like). On my scale a 1 is a song I actively dislike. I skip these on album listens. 2s are inoffensive. I still don't like them and they are not allowed into the shuffle, but I don't skip them. 3s are allowed in the shuffle, but when I play it I may skip past the 3s to get to the good stuff from time to time. 4s are a good song. When skipping past 3s in a shuffle I'll see this song and say "this is good". 5s are the premium beef. These are ones where I hit the loop 1 option and listen to this one song on repeat for who knows how long. With these definitions this into is technically a 2. It adds to the album and is so short skipping it isn't really worth the effort, but it also isn't a song so there's no way I'm putting this on shuffle.

The Unpossible

Oooh! Oooh Yeah Yeah! Oooh! Oooh! Oooh Yeah Yeah! Additionally; this song has a nice bounciness. And while the bass isn't doing anything flashy here to make it the center of attention, it does what it does great and makes the whole song work. 3/5

Dinosaur

Groovalicious! … Man I should have made this like a "reviewing every song in 10 words or less" type thing. It is very hard to come up with unique things to say about each of these. Like what song are we on? By my count like 60. So yeah my review of this one is "Groovalicious." 3/5

Shutup You're Stupid

Has vibes of both margaritaville-esque romance song and the adrenaline deliciously crunchy evil guitar. 4/5

Hoodlum

A relaxing day strolling through the park. A wonderfully pretty song. Obviously that's in contrast with the lyrics but that doesn't make the song sound less pretty to me. 4/5

Guys Are Gross

I really dig the synth making the womp sound in this. Wonderfully jazzy, with some unique instruments that help it stand out, not only among the rest of THD's discography but this album which tends to have songs of a similar vibe. 5/5

Date Rape U

Man I am glad I'm doing this on Tumblr and not one of the social media where I would get in trouble for just saying the name of this song. Anyway this one feels to me less like a song and more some freestyle poetry overtop some instrumentals. It's a decent instrumental but there isn't really any flow or rhythm for me to get into. 2/5

Everyone's Trying To Kill Me

A song where the bass goes unreasonably hard? From THD? Why I never! (the joke is that this is common. especially in the next album. Shout out to Jeremy Page). Anyways this one has a bit of a spy movie vibe, if that makes sense. Or at least the instrumental does. 4/5

Bad Vibes

The keyboard is actually the carry here, which you don't see much from this band. This song also has a good amount of flavors but I think they blend quite well. 5/5

F2F

Tango vibes. The woody percussion is really pleasant. 3/5

Punch In The Face

Ok so as someone whose experience with music reviewing consists of the contents of this post; a lot of time my tactic is to point out a part of the song that stands out. Like the vocals, the beat, a specific instrument, etc. With this one I can't do that, because quite frankly there isn't anything that stands out, each piece of this song is pretty standard I think. And yet; this song is amazing when put together. It's so much better than the sum of its parts that it's almost mind boggling. Out of all the songs so far this is the one I would most wanna hear from someone who knows music theory on why this works. 5/5

EVL PPL

It's got an almost lullaby quality. It's pure distilled vibes. The instruments really just have a dream like quality. (can you tell I'm writing this while very sleepy?) And I feel it's probably the song the shows off what this album is like best. 5/5

La Di Frickin Da

It's almost a high 3/low 4, but there's that one bit in the middle where the lyrics just have no rhythm. There's just way too many syllables. It honestly ruins the whole song for me. Could maybe still be a 3 on a good day but for now 2/5

Outro

Not a song. 2/5.

Closing Thoughts: This is probably the album that's best at having a consistent vibe. Which is bad for this review thing because describing vibes is like one of my 2 ways I can think of to talk about most songs. But I think it makes the album work better when viewed as a whole. The heavy bops aren't absent but there's a lot more pleasant melodies and chill times, and while that may not be the first I think of from this band I still love this album and think it was executed great. Even the "lows" of the album I think still add to the overall experience.

Exploitopia

The Age Of Men

Definitely starting off the album strong. It of course has an amazing baseline, but spoilers; that's true of pretty much every song in this album. As for this song's specific merits; it has a certain ephemeralness that I think really complements the theme of time passing. And the end has a great syncopation to it. Even the way it transitions to the post song old-timey audio is particularly good here. 5/5

A Million Bots

Pretty standard punk rock song but it does it great. By now you should know I love a crunchy guitar. 4/5

Everybody's Robbing Everyone

Excellent flow to this one. The words just string together in a way that just works great. The funky synth also gives this song a unique sound. 5/5

You're Doing Too Much Cocaine

I wonder what the message of this song is. Anyway the drums are really good in this one. But that guitar bit at the end is just sbwgdtdbskwkls, one of the best few seconds of the whole album. The guitar bit is 5/5 but the song as a whole is 4/5

Gravity Of The Situation

Has vibes of those songs that manual laborers would sing to keep rhythm in the olden times, you know the type. The brass is really good here. 3/5

Before You Were Born

Great sorrow and rot vibes. An angsty animatic of this song would go hard. The drums are going off. There are some slower parts that I think go on a bit too long or get repetitive, but overall still a good song. 4/5

Tonight

The ultimate crunchy song. Anthem of bad decisions. 4/5

About You

Weirdly I think the chorus is the worst part of this song. Something about it is just slow, but not in the good way like songs from the last album. The rest is decent tho. 3/5

Buddha Was A Rich Boy

This is one that you can really move to. And I think that it manages to keep the energy up without being at 100 the whole time and burning itself out. 5/5

Kill The Rat

The beginning is a little slower that I would have liked but one it ~45 seconds in it goes so hard. It just has such a climatic sound to it. This is an end of a character arc song. 5/5

Cleanse My Algorithm

Appropriately techno sound to this one. Something about this one makes it so infectious to sing along to, especially the "our nervous systems weren't supposed to stretch around the earth" part. 5/5

Crooked Heart

Way different vibe to this one. Almost sounds like it would fit better in Your Parents Are Sellouts. If it was in the album tho I think this one could stand alongside the best of that album. The backing vocals are especially good, as well as the twangy strings. It also builds to a very satisfying crescendo (I think I'm using that word right). 5/5

The Toilet That Killed Elvis

Oh hey it's been a while since we got a really good melancholic song. This one I feel is a little too up tempo to make it a sad song tho. Still sounds great tho. It also brings out some amazing brass at the end. 5/5

Closing Thoughts: This should be obvious just based off my ratings, but this is my favorite album from THD. If you remember it was the pure peak that was this album that got me to do this whole big project. I honestly wish I could say more about the songs in this one but at this point I'm really running out of steam on how to talk about music.

Well there we have it. That is every single album and EP covered. It's also everything that's on the bands page on youtube music so that's probably everything. Buuut there were those bonus tracks that weren't listed normally, so I should double check. Let me look up their discography on Wikipedia…. I'm sorry there's how many?

The Singles

Face in the Sun

For the most part I don't go back and edit stuff in this post because if I edited it every time my opinion on a song changed it would never be done. The reason I bring this IP is because this is pretty much what I said I wanted Miss America to be, way back when I talked about the first album. This is a very similar song (which checks out since I think this came out around the same time) except this one is a lot more slow and mellow. And despite this being exactly what I asked for I think this is the inferior song. It has some really good strings but other than that it just doesn't have enough emotion to make a song like this work. 2/5

How to Get Money

It's an odd one, but also weirdly kinda nothing. Like a lot is going on but none of it is particularly noteworthy. As an example the way the backing vocals say "money" is nice, but they use that same voice clip too much. It doesn't ruin the song but it's still pretty mid. 2/5

Don't Go

This one feels like a failed experiment. It's going for this smooth groovy jazz, similarly mellow to Face in the Sun. But the problem is that this kind of song works best when you have a buttery smooth vocalist. And while I love Godforbid's vocals I would never describe them as smooth. So this ends up feeling kind of like someone singing karaoke. Also the instrumentals are nothing impressive. 1/5

Steady and Slow

Sorry that so far all of these singles have just got the reaction of "they aren't very good" from me, but I'm afraid this one is just the same. It has vibes of the song a band of highschoolers would make as their rock band in a garage. Which has a certain appeal, especially since it's definitely better quality than a genuine garage band, but it still has that vibe. 2/5

Lucky Me

Finally a single with some energy. Like this isn't the best song, the horns are whatever are really good and it uses them a lot, which is good. And even the stuff that isn't horns is decent, but man after those first 3 singles a 3/5 like this is nice.

Chicken Claw

The chorus is pretty good. 3/5

Marilyn Loves Heroin

Great instruments here. The trumpet(??) is quite good and the flute(?) works excellently as a garnish that doesn't overstay it's welcome. The song is a little too long but it's still a low 4/5

How to Get More Money (And Not Have to Shoot Somebody)

This came out 7 years after How to Get Money, and it is definitely just a more refined version of that song. It's better than that one is pretty much every way. 3/5

Ode to the Scumbag

Ok so this is interesting; the last single came out in 2011, and this one came out AS I WAS WORKING ON THIS POST, so 2025. No idea why there's such a big gap there. Anyway this song is pretty good. It feels like it could go alongside the songs in Exploitopia, which you should know is high praise. The best part is probably the chorus, with the high note "up"s and low note "down"s all the while the main lyrics have a very nice flow to them. 4/5

Closing thoughts: so most of these are pretty bad. like some of them are decent but not enough to go seek them out, since if you use Spotify or something you won't even see any of these except Ode to the Scumbag. I recommend checking out Marilyn Loves Heroin, but other than that you can skip these. Oh also we still aren't done. when I checked the Wikipedia earlier there were also 2 more EPs!

Hating New People

Talk Dirty To me

For these EPs I'm listening to them in a YouTube playlist of unofficial uploads, and for some reason the title of this one is capitalized like that. I'm not going to go through the effort to see if that's wrong so I'll just assume it's correct. As for the song, most of it is pretty mid, except for the short rockabilly bits like the one at the end. I like those bits. low 3/5

Hey White Boy

Wow. This song uses a certain something as a sort of base. And I don't want to spoil what that something is, because I think the shock that comes from hitting play on this song and hearing what you hear is just too good. It has to be experienced. The only thing more surprising than what this song does is that it does it well. Like they really did just make a bop out of [redacted] huh? This may be contentious but this is a 5/5

also for some reason there is a month old comment on the 14 year old upload of this song that reads "I want him im ovulating come here god forbid". I just wanted to share that.

I'm Too Sexy

I'm not super familiar with the song this is a cover of, but from what I vaguely remember this is quite different. The instrumentals are really good, but the vocals are just kinda... too much for most of the song. Depending on who you ask this could rank very high or very low, for me the good and bad parts average out to about 3/5

It's a Man's Man's Man's World

Grandiose feel to this one. Unique sound but doesn't stray too far from the sound of THD. 3/5

Mr. Grinch

The backing vocals add a nice layer, but other than that this is a very similar song to the original Mr Grinch which this is a cover of, nothing major is changed. Godforbid even has a similarly deep voice to the original. Like; if not for them adding the word bastard in I feel like you could convince someone who hasn't heard it in many years that this is the original Mr Grinch. eh I dunno 3/5?

Fairytale of New York

ok so when I look up this EP, some of the only things on it are from like review sites, and on all of them it's only the above songs, this one is never listed. And yet it's here in this youtube playlist I found and I have no idea where it came from. May as well talk about it here. So this song is pretty good. Feels kinda like something from a musical. It's also nice to hear more substantial lyrics for Naoko Takamoto, who normally does the excellent backing vocals. But yeah good energy to this one. 4/5

Closing Thoughts: I feel like on the That Handsome Devil iceberg we are definitely quite low down. So far there hasn't been any covers as far as I can tell, and yet this one has quite a few. Too Sexy and Mr Grinch I knew immediately, but Man Man and Fairytale I only know are covers thanks to youtube comments. For all I know Talk Dirty and White Boy are also covers, but I couldn't find anything on that. Quality wise it's pretty decent. Most of it is still debatably not worth the effort to go find it, but Hey White Boy is definitely a stand out that I recommend all THD fans check out.

The Jungle Book

Intro

not a song. 2/5

Friends

Good beat to this one. Good marching music, very cheery save for that bit at the end. 4/5

Trust

It's just him saying "trust in me" for like 3 minutes. 1/5

March

Forget what I said about Friends, now THIS is marching music. Or really just workout music. It still has a distinct identity from Friends tho even if they both have very strong beats. This one also has some really good guitar. 5/5

Fire

Wait oh my god how did it take me this long to realize this is LITERALLY The Jungle Book from Disney. Admittedly it has been a while so things like the elephant's song I didn't recognize. But yeah this is literally all covers of songs from the movie. Well since this song is based on arguably the most iconic song from said movie this one is obviously pretty good. It goes for a bit of a more sinister sound than the original, while still keeping the nice catchiness from the original. The scatting at the end is also really nice. 4/5

Bare

The direction of this is... interesting. It kinda rains on it if that makes sense, really brings the mood down. I don't think it works. 2/5

Home

It has been so long since I watched The Jungle Book. I don't remember this at all. But this feels like an exposition song with a music box motif used to introduce a very high society character in a show. Not really what I'm looking for from THD. Better than the last but still 2/5

Closing thoughts: Man what a weird note to end on. A Disney movie cover album of all things. Overall it's pretty good tho. The last 2 are a little eh but the rest is good. If you wanna see THD do take some Disney songs in some unexpected directions I would say give this a listen.

Closing Thoughts for this Whole Dang Project

That was... way more songs than I expected. Like when I had the idea for this I looked at their discography on Spotify and it was bigger than expected, and then I figured out there's even more than that! So this project in turn is way bigger than I would have imagined. It took me like 4ish months working on and off on this. And frankly I do not think my music critique abilities were up to this level of challenge. Finding things to say for some of these songs was quite tricky. But it was still enjoyable to go through all these songs, see how the band evolved, and just learn about a lot of good music I otherwise wouldn't have. Like by the end of this my THD shuffle has 76 tracks.

But I hope at least some of you enjoyed reading through all these words I wrote. See you again sometime. I'm off to listen to literally any other band.

[corduroyserpent]

Yay tag game! Thanks @westiec 💕

Rules: share the first lines of ten of your latest fanfics (or up to if you have less!) & tag 10 people.

1. honey (SVSSS)

Tianlang-Jun does not like to be reminded of the fragility of humans.

2. whatever frozen or molten state (SVSSS)

Shen Qingqiu gazed down at the fresh crack in the boundary between the Human and Demon Realms—a gaping wound of fire and rock—and the sharp memory of Luo Binghe’s predestined fall slid jagged through his mind like a sword through bone. 

3. better in the morning (Devil May Cry)

Sometimes Vergil doesn’t remember who—where, when, what—he is. He wakes up, heart pounding, cold sweat beading at his temples and sliding down his lower back. And the darkness of night, once comforting in its simplicity, has become a suffocating thing. An embrace he doesn’t want and cannot escape from.

4. worth keeping (SVSSS)

On the night before her son’s name is pulled, impossibly—vengefully—from the glass bowl that sends children to their death, Su Xiyan does not sleep.

5. i shine only with the light you gave me (SVSSS)

“In my defense,” Tianlang-jun says as he elegantly lowers himself to sit cross-legged on the floor of the Holy Mausoleum, “I’ve never brought anyone back from the dead before. As far as complications go, this is relatively manageable. Wouldn’t you agree?”

6. relationship status: pending (SVSSS)

The first thing Su Xiyan did after hacking its governor module was a cliché. 

7. make me your wife (SVSSS)

“How do I look?” Tianlang-Jun steps out from behind a floral screen, already posing with his chin placed delicately against the back of his hand. His dark claws are hidden for the moment and the vibrant red of his nail dye nearly matches the gentle dashes of rouge across his cheeks and lips.

8. held within the sharp and curving (SVSSS)

When Gongyi Xiao was a child, he had nearly been bitten by a snake. It had slithered up from the riverbed near his home. Its wet scales, muddy green with spots of black, had glimmered with unseen brilliance beneath the sun. 

9. unwarranted tenderness (TGCF)

It was dark when Jun Wu awoke. Not the natural deep shadows of night, but a warm brown that gained texture as his eyes continued to adjust. With an aching slowness, he began the arduous task of lifting a single hand to touch the damp edge of a familiar bamboo hat. 

10. just a little boy (SVSSS)

Shen Qingqiu looked down at the serpent creature he’d blasted from the Dew Lake and was unable to hide his horrified curiosity.

Tagging: @luukeskywalker @peerlessbellbird @naamah-beherit @breadandblankets @d20owlbear @ilthit @kukuandkookie @tchaikovbee @curiosity-killed and YOU, yes the person reading this (if you want to!)

[socialfakes]

the devils in the details- luke hughes

chapter 4; part 4: love always

nhl x platonic!fem!reader

luke hughes x fem!reader

the masterlist

Liked by lhughes_06, edwards.73, rutgermcgroarty and 2,973 others

yourinstagram | i mean it is pretty intense 🤷🏻‍♀️

view all comments

user13 it’s about luke

user04 luke warren hughes, she’s professing her love online

jackhughes always knew you were in love with me 😉😂  | yourinstagram in. your. dreams.  | _quinnhughes amusing, jack

rutgermcgroarty i think a lot of us nearly understand, especially the ones who were in school with you two 😏

bboeser love this

nicohischier i think i have somewhat of an understanding 😊

user12 am i the only one who is still holding out hope that this could be about nico?  | user11 kind of. i mean they were really good together but my heart is hoping for y/n and luke  | user04 well i mean you never do really get over your first love 100% so it could be a possibility 🤔

lhughes_06 intense huh? how intense are we talking now? 🤨  | lhughes_06 on a scale from 1-10  | yourinstagram ♾

elblue6 really hoping this is about who i want it to be about 😊  | yourinstagram guarantee you it is 😏

user07 really need someone like this in my life. someone needs to love me this intensely 😫

colecaufield you’re basically like a little sister to me so let me know if this guy breaks your heart & i'll take care of him 👊🏻💪🏻  | yourinstagram you’re funny cole and i appreciate it greatly 🥰but i know he would never hurt me 😊

user17 am i the only one who ships y/n with quinn?  | yourinstagram no believe it or not but it’s a VERY popular ship 😂  | _quinnhughes she may have confessed her love to me when i was 12 but i had to turn her down 😂  | yourinstagram oh give me a break. i was only 8 and you were my first crush 😊

Liked by juliasmith, jackhughes, yourinstagram and 407,815 others

lhughes_06 | when your girl is a huge fan of harry potter, you do what you can to make her happy of course ⚡💉

view all comments

user04 your girl is a harry potter fan just like y/n? curiouser and curiouser my good dude 👍🏻

user15 funny how he can’t just admit his girl is y/n 😂

user11 wait, doesn’t y/n like harry potter as well? 🤔  | yourinstagram i LOVE harry potter & would do anything for james phelps if he asked ☺  | user11 girl me too. and tom felton & maybe even devon murray 😂

colecaufield dude i think you just accidentally outed your relationship 😂  | lhughes_06 it’s just a coincidence that the fans know y/n likes harry potter. there is absolutely no connection other than that. you know better than anyone that y/n is just a friend 😂  | jackhughes 🙊  | lhughes_06 jack what did you do?!?!

_quinnhughes the fact that there are actually so many similarities between y/n and ‘your girl’ is astounding. it's like you want people to know 😂

user09 did the boys just confirm something? 🧐

bboeser called this from the beginning

juliasmith ❤❤  | lhughes_06 😊

user17 wait i’m really confused now. who's your girl?  | user03 y/n  | jackhughes 👍🏻  | yourinstagram 😂

taglist: @worldlxvlys @bunbunbl0gs @jacktoria4ever @callsignwidow

[jalapainio]

As I've been reading Comics, I've slowly been assembling a Batman readthrough Timeline, which encompasses the full scale of Batman. So far, I have only gathered the first ten years. I put the canonized Comics in Trade Paperbacks, as they sometimes throw in an extra issue or two of another comic run and it is easier for me to keep track of them that way.

Here it is! The ultimate Batman Timeline (years 1-10)

Batman Year 1: 21 year old Bruce (first of many soft head cannons) becomes Batman. Many early villains of Batman pop up, including Joker, Catwoman, Mad Hatter, Riddler, and Calendar Man. Canonized Comics include Batman: Year One, Batman: The Brave and the Bold, and Batman: Zero Year.

Batman Year 2: This year is dedicated entirely to the Long Halloween, which also introduced Poison Ivy, Solomon Grundy, and most famously, Two-Face. Canonized Comics include Batman: The Long Halloween.

Batman Year 3: Much like Year 2, Year 3 is dedicated to its sequel, Dark Victory. In it, a new serial killer known as the Hangman has started killing cops in Gotham. This year sees the end of the classic Mafia in Gotham, and ten year old Dick Grayson being taken in by Bruce Wayne. While he does put on the Robin colors and even goes out with Batman, he is not Robin just yet. Canonized Comics include Batman: Dark Victory.

Batman Year 4: This year gives the main focus towards training Dick. We can also assume that the Justice League, or at least a version of it, has been formed during this year. In addition, Killer Croc is introduced. Canonized Comics include N/A (seriously, I need something here. Anyone rec a solo Batman story that might fit in here?)

Batman Year 5: While most of the year is like the one above, a calm year for Batman, at the end of year, 12 year old Dick wears the Robin suit for the technically second time. He is the one who makes his suit, angry at Bruce for forcing him through constant training as a stall to prevent Dick from going out. Canonized Comics include Robin and Batman.

Batman Year 6: Dick goes through his next big villain during the spring of this year, facing off against Two-Face. After a brief moment when he is fired as Robin, he returns to the Cape, this time with a new perspective on his role. Canonized Comics include Robin Year One.

Batman Year 7: Dick, while working with Batman, notices Bruce's strange behavior. Collaborating with his other teen heroes he met in Year 5, he figures out that the entire Justice League is acting weird! Together, the five (Robin, Speedy, Kid Flash, Aqualad, and Wondergirl) team up and work together to take down the Justice League! They called themselves the Teen Titans. Canonized Comics include Teen Titans: Year One

Batman Year 8: Barbara Gordon, 17 years old and an accelerated graduate of College (she has to be not on a normal track, or else her entire relationship with Dick would just be so weird) puts on a bat themed costume to spite her father, and ends up going against Killer Moth. Batgirl, as she's newly christrained, is supported by Robin (but not Batman) to become a superhero. Firefly takes up the costume with Killer Moth, and Batgirl takes them down. Canonized Comics include Batgirl: Year One

Batman Year 9: Batman and Superman work together to defeat the Devil Nazha, which ends up with Dick being stuck in time. Bruce rescues him, and the rest of World's Finest goes on. Canonized Comics include Batman/Superman World's Finest: Devil Nazha, Batman/Superman World's Finest: Strange Visitor, and Batman/Superman World's Finest: Elementary.

Batman Year 10: 17 year old Dick and the rest of the Teen Titans fight off a rabid cult of fans! Canonized Comics include World's Finest Teen Titans.

[hannibalzero]

Anakin Skywalker’s pokemon team!

Little devil ain’t he?

1. Marowak

Anakin found Marowak as a Cubone just outside the Jedi temple when he first arrived. Cubone understood the pain little Ani was going through.

Marowak is the evolved form of a Cubone that has overcome its sadness at the loss of its mother and grown tough. This Pokemon's tempered and hardened spirit is not easily broken.

2. Accelgor

A trade from Obi-wan, to show their bond as master and student. Obi-wan traded his Shelment for Anakin’s Karrablast.

A ninja in the shadows or just going through an edgy phase. This little guy helps Anakin sneak around.

Having removed its heavy shell, it becomes very light and can fight with ninja-like movements.

3. Florges (yellow!)

A gift from Padme, after meeting again. Grace, beauty and smells like flowers. When Anakin misses Padme, Florges cheers him up.

Florges helps Obi-wan tend to his plants too! All and all 10/10 good pokemon.

It claims exquisite flower gardens as its territory. It obtaines energy by basking in the flowering plants energy.

4. Aegislash

Anakin's first Pokemon was an honedge, the ghost sword Pokemon just showed up a week after Anakin was born. Aegislash tends to make people nervous watching while floating over Anakins shoulder…

Generations of kings were attended by these Pokémon, which used their spectral power to manipulate and control people and Pokémon.

5. Silvally

Rescured by Anakin when found as a Type: Null. This knight-like Pokemon has a bond with Anakin like no other. Both freed slaves turned knights.

Through the bond, it has formed with its trainer. It's will was strengthened and was able to destory it's control mask.

6. Volcarona

This powerful fire Pokemon was caught by Anakin just recently. A symbol of strength and protection on Tattooine. Anakin made it a goal to have Valcarona on his team.

As it flies, it scatters it's flaming scales. It was feared by ancient people who referred to Valcarona as the ‘rage of the sun’

[darkmaga-returns]

The US’ policy towards the conflict will likely depend on the course of these upcoming negotiations.

Trump appeared to have recognized the limits of third-party mediation between Russia and Ukraine in the post that he made after his latest call with Putin on Monday. He announced the “immediate” start of ceasefire negotiations between them but specified that “The conditions for that will be negotiated between the two parties, as it can only be, because they know details of a negotiation that nobody else would be aware of.” Here are ten background briefings that place his latest position into context:

* 12 March: “Will Putin Agree To A Ceasefire?”

* 1 April: “Trump’s Latest Sanctions Threat Against Russia Suggests That He’s Getting Impatient For A Deal”

* 4 April: “Putin’s Economic Envoy Helped Break The Russian-US Impasse On Ukraine”

* 10 April: “How Might The US’ Relations With Ukraine & Russia Change If It Abandons Its Peace Efforts?”

* 28 April: “Five Significant Disagreements Account For Trump’s Newfound Anger With Putin”

* 2 May: “The Amended Minerals Deal Will Likely Lead To More American Weapons Packages For Ukraine”

* 3 May: “Five Benefits That The US Would Reap From Coercing Ukraine Into More Concessions To Russia”

* 10 May: “The US Is Toughening Its Negotiating Stance Towards Russia”

* 13 May: “Third-Party Mediation Between Russia & Ukraine Is Approaching Its Limits”

* 17 May: “The Ball’s In Trump’s Court After The Latest Istanbul Talks”

To review, the US has hitherto wanted Russia to accept freezing the Line of Contact (LOC) in exchange for a series of profitable (likely resource-centric) deals, absent which another round of American sanctions could be implemented and perhaps even the large-scale resumption of military aid to Ukraine. Sanctions are still on the table, but Trump’s latest post was much more politely written than some previous ones that expressed increasing impatience with Putin, thus suggesting that some progress has been made.

[cumaeansibyl]

I don't know how Late Night with the Devil will fare with people who don't own a shirt of their favorite defunct '70s horror studio, but I loved it

(Amicus Pictures, masters of the horror anthology. Yes, I designed it myself.)

David Dastmalchian in a tan blazer looks like a sleazy Carl Sagan and I dig it so much. There's a Satanic cult leader with Anton LaVey's middle name and a skeptic who would be a libel on James Randi if he were still alive. The special effects are all either '70s-era practical work or look like they could be. Raw red meat for the degens and sickos who miss the days of bullshit like To the Devil, a Daughter and The Devil's Rain.

Now. The movie does make some use of AI-generated art (for a few of the "bumper" images that go between a show and the ad break). Some people are mad about this. I am not. I haven't been as angry about AI art as a lot of people in the first place, and then, well... look. I've watched movies that stole props, plots, music, dialogue, even actual footage from other movies. I've watched movies that earned the director a conviction for animal cruelty. Shit, I've watched movies where the directors should've caught a charge for actor cruelty (Kubrick, Cameron, lookin at you). On a bad horror movie ethics scale of 1-10, where 1 is an 8-hour day with fair pay and a union rep on site, and 10 is John Landis killing three people on the Twilight Zone shoot -- a line I will not cross -- I'm putting AI art at about a two. A lot of people will feel differently. I mention it because I think it's better for them to know in advance rather than finding out afterward and having the experience spoiled for them.

Late Night with the Devil builds the tension to a nearly unbearable point and then doesn't quite pay it off, but you know, who ever does? Stephen King was right: once you show the monster, the audience relaxes, because it wasn't as bad as the worst thing they can imagine. I thought it was pretty damn good, though, and it avoided some of the hoariest old demonic tropes after leaning pretty hard into them earlier in the movie (for good reason). 4/5 stars, glad we saw it in the theater.

[forathousanddays]

Iron Maiden - Seventh Son of A Seventh Son (REQUEST)

Seventh Son of a Seventh Son (hereafter shortened to just Seventh Son because wow is that long) is Iron Maiden's seventh studio album, inspired by the novel Seventh Son by Orson Scott Card, which was in turn inspired by the folklore concept of the Seventh Son, who, in an unbroken line of sons, is destined to inherit mystical abilities. The abilities vary on different tellings, such as clairvoyance, supernatural healing, or even ailments like lycanthropy or vampirism. Seventh Son is Iron Maiden's most successful steps into power metal, a soaring and esoteric concept album following the titular seventh son of a seventh son. There's a wide variety of sounds and atmospheres in the tracklist, which really helps the feel of an epic quest, or a life of significance. This one comes with a special kind of difficulty in reviewing, because I need to pay close attention to the lyrics to follow the story. We'll get into that more below the cut.

TRACK 1 - MOONCHILD

We don't really get any time to acclimate before Seventh Son dives straight into its themes and overall vibe. The lyrics are roundabout with a general aesthetic of "lots of occult words," and allegedly come directly from Satan himself. He accosts the mother of the Seventh Son, promising her he'll make her child serve him. The synth line after an acoustic opening very quickly sets our tone as a power metal epic, and everything to come in after that just keeps elevating the sound. There's a minute and a half of mostly just sound before the main melody and lyrics come in, and it adds a special something to the scale of the story.

Excellent introduction to the world and sounds, just alright as a song. The synth opening is the best part, but the solo's good too. 7/10.

TRACK 2 - INFINITE DREAMS

This is our first song from the Seventh Son (the first one) himself, recounting the torment he feels from his clairvoyant dreams. As is customary with power metal concept albums, no two songs blend together; the tone and scene of Infinite Dreams is a much more intimate and proggy experience next to Moonchild. This song very nearly lost a ton of points purely by virtue of putting "unbeliever" and "neither" in consecutive lines, but not pronouncing them with the same inflection on the ie-ei syllables. That one hurt my feelings.

Every part of this one is a treat, even with that glaring issue. 9/10. The guitar never stops moving, and never rests on the same feeling for any prolonged time.

TRACK 3 - CAN I PLAY WITH MADNESS

This one feels most like your standard late 80s heavy metal, with a lot of major chords and hopeful tones. The Seventh Son (still the first one) visits a prophet to inquire about the impending birth of his seventh son, but he's not really saying anything decipherable. My personal theory is that what he sees in his crystal ball is incomprehensible, and impossible to communicate beyond "yeah, dude, you're going to hell."

I'll always have a soft spot for that nostalgic late 80s heavy metal sound I grew up on, 8/10.

TRACK 4 - THE EVIL THAT MEN DO

Like I said before, no power metal epic has two songs that start the same. The Evil That Men Do has a slow, ambling intro, with some of the most evocative playing on the record. The song is about God and the Devil both wanting to claim the child as their servant on earth for his powers, hence the lines about balancing on a razor's edge. This has some of the best lyricism on the album, and is arguably the most immediately "Seventh Son of a Seventh Son" track, if that makes sense.

Bonus points for the Shakespeare quotes. 8/10

TRACK 5 - SEVENTH SON OF A SEVENTH SON

Lo, the miraculous cataclysm of his birth is upon us! Title track! As a power metal record, there's an obligation for at least one nine minute song with very few lyrics of substance. This isn't a complaint, it's a staple of the genre and I'm glad it's a thing. Seventh Son of a Seventh Son marks a turning point, both in the story and in the structure of the record itself - we've just passed the halfway point out of our eight songs. The chugging guitar and powerful vocals do well to communicate the air of significance this song holds in the story.

This is probably higher than it should be. Favourite solo on the album at the end of the third minute, saving it from receiving a 5 or lower. 7/10

TRACK 6 - THE PROPHECY

The title here bothers me, because the first, like, three songs were also a prophecy. That being said, this one's different! The Seventh Son (of the Seventh Son) manifests his supernatural abilities, and foresees a disaster coming for the village. The intro solo is awesome, and another one comes in after the first chorus. By the start of the second verse, it's clear this solo was representing/happening in conjunction with the disaster he prophesized. The second verse is his true realization that his abilities are a curse, not a blessing.

Thematically great, but the sound isn't anything to write home about outside of the intro. 4/10

TRACK 7 - THE CLAIRVOYANT

The Seventh Son can now control his visions, and is a fully-fledged seer. It seems that Iron Maiden have foregone the traditional legends about the Seventh Son of a Seventh Son as a healer in favour of clairvoyance, which is much less prominent but still has its foundations in folk concepts. This song has an ironic tinge to it, with the general concept being that for all his power and insight, the Seventh Son can't foresee his own death. This foreshadowing doesn't really set anything up, though.

The sound is occasionally great, but it's aimless. The tone and style change frequently, and without warning. This should have been multiple songs. 3/10

TRACK 8 - ONLY THE GOOD DIE YOUNG

The Son realizes that his service will stay thankless, and for every prediction he makes, he'll receive only more blame from the village. He's foreseen more calamities, and he knows he can stop them, but to do so would mean a great sacrifice. The title here alludes to his decision in this song; he'll die young, but only if he stays good. He leaves the village behind to live a life of indulgence and comfort, presumably never using his abilities again. The good in him died young, and his sinful and selfish side carries on living. The song closes off with the same mantra the album opens with.

I suppose that's our answer to the argument at the start of the album, about whether he'll be claimed by God or by The Devil. 6/10

RETROSPECTIVE

Seventh Son of a Seventh Son has a lot of great ideas, but the execution is a little rough around the edges. The story is prioritized over the sound, and the album as a whole suffers for it. Investment in the story is a lot harder when songs like The Clairvoyant are a slog to listen through. The highs are very high, but the lows are genuinely difficult to sit through on their own. I can and will listen to a lot of this album again, but the songs that don't hit really don't hit.

If you're interested in the story, I'd just recommend reading the lyrics over listening to the album the whole way through. It's more good than bad, but the bad is really hard to look past, unfortunately. I'm still comfortable giving it a 7/10 for the opening half, but I can't see it going any higher than that. This hurts me more than it hurts you, Seventh Son. I really want to love this record!

[starcrossedjedis]

Trying to spread some positivity in the OC community today, so: tell me ten random facts about Mira! Whatever fun little tidits you can think of, tell us about them!! <3

Oh yass, thank you for dropping this in my ask - I am so sorry that it took me 84 years to reply^^' 🥰

1. Mira's mum died a few days after giving birth to her daughter. It wasn't the easiest of births and by the time they finally made it to port there wasn't anything to be done for her anymore.

2. Her father never once considered letting Mira grow up anywhere other than on board the Oro Jackson, he even took a wet nurse on board to make sure she was cared for in the best possible way.

3. Roger found Shanks (and Buggy) shortly after learning that he was gonna be a father and all possible canon plot relations aside also loved the idea of his "little mate" growing up with friends "his own age" on board. Oh well... xD

4. Mira gets abducted when she is around 13-14 while she's on a secret unsupervised night out with Shanks and Buggy. Sick and tired of the whole crew watching her like hawks and treating her like some kind of precious cargo, she talked the boys into this. The guilt they carry over this - and the constant cycle of blaming each other for it - puts a strain on their friendship that might have ended up completely destroying it had Mira not returned.

5. The Mystical Zoan fruit wasn't actually part of the original plan Cipherpol had for Mira. It was only over the course of her imprisonment and (vaguely Red Room-esque) torture/training that someone thought it would add an excellent touch to what they were trying to turn her into.

6. She very probably inherited her father's Haki powers, but so far the combination with her devil fruit makes it so that they present in very distinctive ways (for example, the way her siren voice will make people bend to her will could be seen as being directly related to Haoshoku Haki).

7. Mira's mermaid scales are a mix of different shades of sea green and gold and her eyes take on a gold hue when she's using her power. She choses not to alter her appearance in her day to day life, but one thing she wasn't able to "turn off" ever since she came back is an iridescent sheen where the light hits her skin, which mimicks the sea green and gold hues of her scales.

8. Due to her devil fruit's paradox nature Mira would still drown in the ocean - honorig the more supersticious approach of the ocean rejecting those who ate a devil fruit - but in bodies of fresh water she can actually transform into full mermaid form, including gills to breathe underwater. (She hardly ever does this, as the full transformation is such a rush that she fears it might become addictive. It is however a sight to behold and when Shanks finally sees her like this, he understands why the sailors from the tales he grew up on would go to their certain deaths for a creature like this.)

9. I am still not 100% over the idea of a form of mermaid-y mating bond between her and Shanks, just because the obsessive, soulmatey, feral aspect of it makes me go... well, feral. I am however still not sure how I would wanna go about it, because a) she is not an actual mermaid and b) I am putting them through The Horrors™️ and those include a fecking long time of involuntary separation, which in like 97% of mating bond scenarios would mean near certain death where I just want maximum sadness ^^' (if you have ideas / suggestions feel free to hit me up, this is definitely not my usual trope and I have little to no idea what I am doing xD)

10. Mira gets Mihawk to take her to Shanks when their daughter goes missing.

BONUS - I am full on determined to make the timeline my bitch. I want Mira and Shanks to be older than they'd be in canon when Roger dies, but I also want their daughter to be around 18yrs old when she meets the straw hats. Yes, it doesn’t add up with the canon timeline and I am making a hellish effort to ignore this even though it kills me not to obsess over every little detail until it squashes all my passion 😬

[mrhaitch]

HIHI Mr. Haitch! I’m back! I did a lot more work today and I even found this huge spike of motivation! Unfortunately that motivation could only be used to make tiny ducks out of kneadable eraser sooo… I made a bunch of ducks. One has a party hat, another a bow tie, another a necklace and I think one has devil horns. For reference each duck is about one cm tall and one cm long and one cm wide. They smol. Thank you for all your support thus far and I hope your children (both adopted on the internet, blood related, and taught at school) aren’t driving you and Haitch too crazy.

Rate your spice tolerance on a scale from 1-10 (1 is I will die from eating bell pepper and 10 is I HAVE DRANK LAVA AND LAUGHED IN IT’S FACE)

How many duplicates of your eldest child do you think you’d be able to carry when you were in your prime? (Like before your injury)

Does cilantro taste like soap to you?

FUN FACT: James Buchanan was the first US president to have a non-wife First Lady. He put his niece as First Lady since he was a bachelor.

Glad to hear it, but I remain suspicious of your smol duck army.

1) Until quite recently I'd say 8 or 9. For some reason, most likely ageing, it's down to a 7.

2) He's just shy of 30 kilos so probably three if one was on my back. Now probably two.

3) Nope, love it. Anything with lime, coriander, and a kick and I'm all over it.

4) I know nothing about the US Presidents, but that's kind of sweet.

[paperanddice]

Archdevil: Arbeyach

The archdevils in the Tome of Beasts have a similar issue as the demon lords did. Translating these powerful beings across systems reaches the breaking points of the different rule sets, as the power scales are strange. In Pathfinder, typical archdevils should be on the deity scale and thus beyond anything the system can support, so most of them won't get any creature stat blocks, instead just being statted out as gods. For 13th Age though, the scene is much stranger than the demon lords. All the arch-devils should be above the power of the regular devils, but the 13th Age pit fiend is a huge level 14 foe, the top of the standard power scale for the system. Even a weakening arch-devil like Arbeyach should be stronger than the greatest standard devil, so to stat them out requires going beyond the system's usual cap, which is a huge deal and a lot of effort. And stronger arch-devils would go further beyond it, so I think that even in 13th Age many of the archdevils are too powerful for proper stat blocks. Overall, the arch-devils may get much smaller treatment than the demon lords did.

But Arbeyach, as a weakened archdevil, will get a full creature stat block in both. He's the weakest of the archdevils, but still an exceptionally dangerous threat, and so only pretty high level parties can be expected to face off against the Swarm Prince and survive.

Pathfinder 2e

Arbeyach is the lord of decay, taking the form of insect hives. Locusts and worms are his imagery, but he has a deeply rigid and ordered mind and imposes that onto his followers and the world around him. He is exceptionally inflexible, even among arch-devils, and builds his realm in the model of a great hive, every single creature within it obeying a specific function and built to best follow it.

He is truly ancient, having come into being from a great swarm of vermin created by Baalzebub to devour some of the first mortal souls to reach Hell. These vermin fused to the soul energy, becoming something greater. Arbeyach was a vassal of Baalzebub for eons, before rising up and becoming a proper Duke of Hell through his victories and power. Over the eons however, his ambitions shifted and his views became more rigid and unyielding, unable to respond to changes in the universe around him, and eventually he weakened and was stripped of his title. Now barely stronger than a pit fiend, he must either grow or surely face destruction at the hands of a rival.

Arbeyach Creature 21 Unique, Large, Devil, Fiend, Unholy Perception +38; greater darkvision, true seeing Languages Celestial, Common, Draconic, Infernal, scent communication 120 feet, telepathy 100 feet Skills Athletics +37, Deception +40, Diplomacy +38, Intimidation +38, Nature +38, Religion +36, Society +35, Stealth +36 Str +6, Dex +5, Con +7, Int +4, Wis +5, Cha +7 Scent Communication (olfactory) Arbeyach can communicate through pheromones with spawns of Arbeyach and arthropods (insects, spiders, scorpions, and similar invertebrates) within 120 feet. Mindless arthropods and spawn of Arbeyach cannot attack Arbeyach while within this range unless magically controlled. He can attempt to counteract any effect controlling an arthropod or spawn within this range as an action with the concentration and olfactory traits (counteract rank 10, counteract modifier +36). AC 46; Fort +38, Ref +34, Will +36; +1 status to all saves vs. magic HP 465; Immunities fire, poison; Resistances physical 20 (except silver); Weaknesses holy 20 Aura of Virulence (aura, divine) 120 feet. Creatures in this aura lose all resistance and immunity to poison. Any creature not resistant or immune to poison inside the aura instead gains vulnerable 20 poison and has a -2 status penalty to all saves against poison. Frightful Presence (aura, divine, emotion, fear, mental) 20 feet, DC 44 Speed 35 feet, burrow 20 feet, climb 35 feet, fly 80 feet Melee jaws +37 (magical, poison, unholy), Damage 4d8+16 piercing plus 2d6 poison and Arbeyach Rot Melee claw +37 (agile, magical, poison, unholy), Damage 4d6+16 slashing plus 2d6 poison Divine Innate Spells DC 44, attack +36 ; 10th gate, massacre; 9th dispel magic (at will), divine decree (at will), toxic cloud (at will); 5th translocate (at will); Constant true seeing Divine Rituals DC 44; diabolic pact, wish (1/year) Arbeyach Rot (curse, poison, virulent) Mindless arthropods (insects, spiders, scorpions, and similar invertebrate) are hostile to a creature, and it can't recover from drained until Arbeyach Rot is cured. Saving Throw DC 44 Fortitude, Stage 1 Drained 1 and can't regain hit points except by magic (1 day); Stage 2 Drained 2 and can't regain hit points except by magic (1 day); Stage 3 Drained 3 and can't regain hit points except by magic (1 day); Stage 4 Drained 4 and can't regain hit points except by magic; Stage 5 Dead, and the creature's body transforms into a hellwasp swarm. Vermin Breath [2 actions] (divine, poison, unholy) Arbeyach exhales vermin that deals 17d8 poison damage in a 120-foot line (DC 44 basic Fortitude save). A creature that fails this save is also exposed to Arbeyach Rot. Arbeyach can't use Vermin Breath again for 1d4 rounds.

He still has some power from his time as a proper archdevil however, and is something of a god. While his followers are few and far between, as the Prince of Swarms cares little for mortals and their individual minds, some few can still find the power this former archdevil granted.

Areas of Concern decay, vermin Edicts bring order and structure to existence in every way, eliminate disorder Anathema undermine the hive, promote individuality Divine Attribute Constitution (Arbeyach is inflexible, you do not have a choice)

Devotee Benefits Cleric Spells 1st: ant haul, 3rd: insect form, 5th: subconscious suggestion Divine Font heal Divine Sanctification must choose unholy Divine Skill Society Domains cities, family, toil, tyranny Favored Weapon spiked gauntlet

13th Age

Arbeyach is an exile from wherever the devils originated from. Apparently formerly some great power within the devil's structure, he now builds a great hive on the outer edge of the Dragon Empire, creating himself a new basin of power. He hates the disorder and chaos of the world, rigid and unyielding in his vision, and all he sees must conform to the structure and order of his ideal world. Few devils support him, lending more evidence to his lack of authority within their system, but some number seem to have been exiled with him and find a spot within his hive. His true goal is to turn the whole world into a single hive under his control, removing all individuality and conflict, but without the full structure of the devil hierarchy aiding him he must do it himself. Of course, with how powerful he is still, few could hope to stop him anyway.

Arbeyach Large 15th level spoiler [devil] Initiative: +21 Creature of Legend Arbeyach can take two standard actions on each of his turns. He can’t use the same action twice on the same turn. Curse Bite +20 vs. AC – 75 damage plus 50 ongoing poison damage. Natural Even Hit: The target is also weakened as long as it’s taking the ongoing damage. A creature that dies while weakened this way bursts into an apocalypse swarm (see below). Miss: 50 poison damage. Diseased Claws +20 vs. AC (2 attacks) – 50 damage plus 20 poison damage. Natural 14+: The target also takes 20 ongoing poison damage. Contagion +20 vs. PD – Ongoing 75 poison damage and one of the following effects (determined at random): confused, stunned, vulnerable to all damage, weakened (save ends both). C: Vermin Breath +20 vs. PD (1d4 nearby or far away enemies) – 85 poison damage and the target is hampered (save ends). Natural Even Hit or Miss: An apocalypse swarm forms next to the target (see below). Miss: 40 poison damage. Limited Use: 3/battle, never two turns in a row. C: Cloudkill +20 vs. PD (1d4+1 nearby enemies) – 50 poison damage. Cloud: The cloud persists until the end of Arbeyach’s next turn. Any creature targeted by this attack takes 50 damage if it ends its turn without moving out of the cloud. At the start of each of Arbeyach’s turns, he can roll a normal save; on a success the cloud remains until the end of his next turn. If Arbeyach uses this attack while he has a cloud remaining from a previous casting, the previous cloud disappears. Apocalypse Swarm: An apocalypse swarm spawns where indicated by the power that creates it, obeys Arbeyach’s orders, and enters initiative 10 points after Arbeyach. See apocalypse swarm stat blocks at the end of this entry. Aura of Virulence: All attacks that deal poison damage made against nearby enemies are treated as if their natural attack roll was 5 points higher for the purpose of overcoming poison resistance. If the target doesn’t have poison resistance, the attack instead gains a +2 bonus to hit. Burrower, Flyer, and Wall Crawler. Devil’s Due (Grow Within): When you choose to add the escalation die to an attack against Arbeyach, he makes the following attack against you at the end of your turn as a free action. If you use the escalation die against him multiple times on the same turn, he does get to use this attack that many times. [Special Trigger] They Grow Within +20 vs. PD – 80 damage and an apocalypse swarm bursts out of the target. Miss: 20 damage. Fear Aura: While engaged with Arbeyach, enemies that have 216 hp or fewer are dazed and do not add the escalation die to their attacks. Resist Fire and Poison 18+. AC 30 PD 30 MD 27 HP 1330 Level 14 Apocalypse Swarm Swarm +19 vs. PD (1d3 nearby enemies) – 40 poison damage, and after the attack the swarm engages one of the targets. Natural Even Hit: The target also takes 20 ongoing poison damage. If the target dies while taking this damage, another apocalypse swarm bursts from its corpse. Flyer. AC 30 PD 30 MD 23 HP 130

Inspired by the Tome of Beasts 1. This post came out a week ago on my Patreon. If you want to get access to all my monster conversions early, as well as access to my premade adventures and other material I’m working on, consider backing me there!

[xf-cases-solved]

S1E18: Miracle Man

Case: In Preacherville, Deep South (Clarksville, Tennessee), a dude named Samuel is known around town as a successful faith healer, which is all well and good, until one of the people he "saved" ends up dead. Mulder and Scully are sent to Preacherville to investigate the murder, only for things to spin wildly out of control after another person is killed during a faith healing. Mulder is awkwardly chasing after visions of Samantha all episode, and giving me secondhand embarrassment in the process; Scully finally does another autopsy; the Devil is all out of locusts and sources out some grasshoppers instead; and I look up the age of the actor playing Samuel bc I was kind of into him, but was then super worried that he was way too young for that. (He was in his 20s, it's fine.)

Does someone die in the cold open: Yes, but they are brought back to life, although in a slightly crispier form than before.

Does Mulder present a slideshow: No

Does the evidence survive the investigation: I mean, in regards to the actual case, I will say yes. They have the bodies and murder weapon. They don't have any evidence of actual faith healing, but that wasn't the crime, so.

Whodunit: The crispy guy from the cold open that Samuel saved. Turns out he actually didn't super love being forced to live as Samuel's deformed MC.

Convictions: Crispy guy probably would have been, had he not cyanide poisoned himself.

Did they solve it: Yes. Miracles notwithstanding, they did quite literally solve the murder(s), and even have like, a normal murder weapon (poison) and motive (unhappy being crispy). 

[how do i determine if a case is solved? check the scale here: x]

THIS EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: Common grasshoppers. Are you trying to invoke Biblical wrath on a budget? With inflation out of control these days, it can be hard to get your hands on a swarm of locusts when you really need them. Waiting for them to go on sale just doesn't cut it when your need to convince your congregation of apocalyptic happenings is urgent. That's why we recommend supplementing your Biblical wrath demonstrations with common grasshoppers. To the layman, common grasshoppers look just like locusts, but at a fraction of the price. Besides, everyone will be too distracted by the thousands of grasshoppers leaping in their faces to even bother trying to tell the difference.  Common Grasshoppers -- Because when Christ has beef, you know what needs to be done. 😉🦗✝️

***

General Total Stats:

(green means stat has changed since last ep; red means new stat added to list)

Total Cases *Definitively* Solved So Far: 9 (streak restarted)

Total Number of "Mulder/Scully, It's Me" phone calls: 1

Total Number of Times Scully Has Conveniently Not Seen Something Crucial: 5

Total Number of Times Mulder Has Been in Mortal Danger: 5

Total Number of Times Scully Has Been in Mortal Danger: 6 

Total Number of Sexually Charged, Uncomfortably Intimate, and/or Flirty Moments Between Friendly Coworkers: 10

Total Number of Autopsies Scully Has Performed On Screen: 2!!!

Total Number of Times Scully Plays Doctor: 2

Total Number of Times Mulder Talks to an Informant: 10

Total Number of Times People Making Out in a Car Are Hurt or Killed: 2

Total Number of Nosebleeds: 4

Total Number of Times Mulder Has Tasted/Sniffed/Touched Something Questionable Without Following Proper Safety Procedures: 2 

Total Number of Times Someone Says "Trust No One": 1 

Total Number of Times Someone Says "I Want to Believe": 2 (close tho, "people want to believe")

Total Number of Times Someone Says "The Truth is Out There": 1

Total Number of Cigarettes Cigarette Smoking Man Has Smoked: 2

Total Number of Maggie Scully Sightings: 1

Total Number of Lone Gunmen Sightings: 1

Total Number of Alex Krycek Sightings: 0 :(

Total Number of Times I Had to Look Up What State the Episode Takes Place in Even Though I Literally Just Watched It: 6½ (knew it was in the south, didn't know what state)

Total Number of Times I Had to Look at an Episode's Wikipedia Page to Fill This Out Because It Was Fucking Confusing and/or Too Boring for Me to Pay Attention: 4 (much easier to understand than E.B.E.)

[childofdratchet]

friend:what Oc do you regret making for CODMW2(remastered and 2009)

me:This-

•[SAMUEL JAMES BARNES•]

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          Soldiers-OTHERWISE

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                ~•~•~•~•~•

Name:Samuel Barnes

Age:32

Gender:Male

Nickname(s):Sam, Sammy, Tasmanian Devil(Soap gave him

The nickname)

Alias(Es):Tasmanian Devil

TimeLine:Modern WarFare

Rank:Sergeant

Regiment:12th Infantry Regiment

Status:M.I.A

Birth Date:12/28/1990

Death Date:10/1/2024

Occupation:(Outside of the military) Highschool teacher(PE)

Affiliation’s:None Yet

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

               ~•~•~•~•~•

                “I don’t want to kill anyone.. I just don’t like bullies, no matter where they’re from.”-CAPTAIN AMERICA, MCU

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

               ~•~•~•~•~•

Skin Tone:Pale

Eye Color:Purple-ish-Blue

Hair Color:Brunnete

Hair Length:Short

Height:6’0

Weight:Unknown

Scar/Burns/Marks:a large scar across his back and a massive burn on his right shoulder.

Tattoo’s:A Phoenix Tattoo On His Back, That Has Writing Saying ‘Freer Than Scotland’

Physical Enchantment’s

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               ~•~•~•~•~•

    “People are laying down there live’s for their country.. I wanted to protect mine and protect other’s so they didn’t have to die..”-SAMUEL BARNES, 2009

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

               ~•~•~•~•~•

Personality:He Is A Very Quiet but Strong and Protective Man, But he can also be very sweet and shy when he want’s. But he has terrible anger issue’s, which is good on the battlefield.

Fear(s):Acrophobia, Coulrophobia, Agrophobia and Virgintiphobia.

Likes:Reading, Hiking, Singing, Cooking, SwordPlay, Drawing, Archery and Horse-Riding

Dislikes:Abusers, Pedophiles, Zoophiles, (Any kind of philes), Predator’s and His Father

Habit(s):Zoning Out, Randomly lashing out in either Spanish or Gaelic, Drawing, Clinging onto someone when he’s a little scared

Flaw(s):Unknown/Classified

Talent(s):Hitting a high note in a song, Actually getting along with ghost And Mimicking other people’s accent’s and Voice’s(no matter the gender)

Reputation:A cold, rude and aggressive man who will kill you in an instant..

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

               ~•~•~•~•~•

   “I’m not scared… why, your ask?. Because me and my teammate’s are gonna end this god forsaken war..”-SAMUEL BARNES, 2021

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

               ~•~•~•~•~•

Love Interest:Classified

Friend(s):John “Soap” McTavish(BestFriend), Simon “Ghost” Riley(basically his 2ND in command), Captain John Price, Erwin König(HAH- he take’s the cake(, Gaz, Horangi and Alejandro Vargas.

Enemy(ies):Phillip Graves, Vladimir Makarov and General Shepard

Relationship(s):None

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

               ~•~•~•~•~•

  “if I could, I’d be taking away the every war.. so nobody lost any family member’s or died”-JAMES BARNES, 2019”

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

               ~•~•~•~•~•

Characters Abilities

Weapon(s):Guns, Knives, Swords, Bows and Axe

Preferred Weapon(s):Bow and Swords

(On the scale of 1 - 10; 1 being terrible and 10 being best)

Agility:8/10

Hand-To-Hand Combat:10/10

Long Range Accuracy:10/10

Defense:9/10

Offense:11/10

People Skills:4/10

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

               ~•~•~•~•~•

    “This year is going to be hell with how thing’s are going..”-SAMUEL BARNES, 2020

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

               ~•~•~•~•~•

BirthPlace: Scotland, Edinburgh

Family:Charles Barnes(Father, Scottish) Maria Barnes(Mother, Latina)

Character BackGround:Rumored to be in a Spanish-Scottish Mafia(which isn’t true at all)

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               ~•~•~•~•~•

  “No no, no.. I don’t take order’s from you, only ghost, price, Soap and König.”-SAMUEL BARNES, 2022”

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

               ~•~•~•~•~•

     “I give you all, a very fond farewell.”-SAMUEL BARNES, 2024

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

               ~•~•~•~•~•

Funeral Song:The Last Goodbye-Billy Boyd

#codmw2 #oc

[jalapainio]

As I've been reading Comics, I've slowly been assembling a Batman readthrough Timeline, which encompasses the full scale of Batman. I made a post before of years 1-10, but now I have years 1-17 (Sorting them based on eras rather than by dates). Each also includes a canonized Trade Paperback list, for anyone who wants to read this timeline!

(Also this is going to be a long one)

Years 1-10

These years will mostly encompas reprints and post-crisis retells of the Golden and Silver Ages.

Batman Year 1: 22 year old Bruce (first of many soft head cannons) becomes Batman. Many early villains of Batman pop up, including Joker, Catwoman, Mad Hatter, Riddler, and Calendar Man. Canonized Comics include Batman: Year One and Batman: The Brave and the Bold.

Batman Year 2: This year is dedicated entirely to the Long Halloween, which also introduced Poison Ivy, Solomon Grundy, and most famously, Two-Face. Canonized Comics include Batman: The Long Halloween.

Batman Year 3: Much like Year 2, Year 3 is dedicated to its sequel, Dark Victory. In it, a new serial killer known as the Hangman has started killing cops in Gotham. This year sees the end of the classic Mafia in Gotham, and ten year old Dick Grayson being taken in by Bruce Wayne. While he does put on the Robin colors and even goes out with Batman, he is not Robin just yet. Canonized Comics include Batman: Dark Victory.

Batman Year 4: This year gives the main focus towards training Dick. We can also assume that the Justice League, or at least a version of it, has been formed during this year. In addition, Killer Croc is introduced. Also, Batman, Superman, and Wonderwoman meet. Canonized Comics include Batman/Superman/Wonder Woman: Trinity

Batman Year 5: The beginning of year five starts with a bang, with Darkside invading earth. The Original Justice League is formed. I used the basis of the New 52 Justice League 1: Origin as a starting point, and until I can find a better comic, that is the ‘origin’ of the Justice League. While most of the year is like the one above, a calm year for Batman, at the end of year, 12 year old Dick wears the Robin suit for the technically second time. He is the one who makes his suit, angry at Bruce for forcing him through constant training as a stall to prevent Dick from going out. Canonized Comics include Justice League 1: Origin and Robin and Batman.

Batman Year 6: Dick goes through his next big villain during the spring of this year, facing off against Two-Face. After a brief moment when he is fired as Robin, he returns to the Cape, this time with a new perspective on his role. Canonized Comics include Robin Year One.

Batman Year 7: Dick, while working with Batman, notices Bruce's strange behavior. Collaborating with his other teen heroes he met in Year 5, he figures out that the entire Justice League is acting weird! Together, the five (Robin, Speedy, Kid Flash, Aqualad, and Wondergirl) team up and work together to take down the Justice League! They called themselves the Teen Titans. Later, Barbara Gordon, 16 years old and an accelerated graduate of College (she has to be not on a normal track, or else her entire relationship with Dick would just be so weird) puts on a bat themed costume to spite her father, and ends up going against Killer Moth. Batgirl, as she's newly christrained, is supported by Robin (but not Batman) to become a superhero. Firefly takes up the costume with Killer Moth, and Batgirl takes them down. Canonized Comics include Teen Titans: Year One and Batgirl: Year One

Batman Year 8: Batman and Superman work together to defeat the Devil Nazha, which ends up with Dick being stuck in time. Bruce rescues him. Also, sometime this year something went down between Dick and Supergirl, but I cannot for the life of me figure it out. Canonized Comics include Batman/Superman World's Finest: Devil Nazha

Batman Year 9: Batman and Superman deal with a new superhero from another dimension and travel around the world to “have their strangest adventures yet.” Idk what that means, but I do know they fit on the Timeline right here. Canonized Comics include, Batman/Superman World's Finest: Strange Visitor and Batman/Superman World's Finest: Elementary.

Batman Year 10: 17 year old Dick and the rest of the Teen Titans fight off a rabid cult of fans! Again, I haven't read it, but I want to. Canonized Comics include World's Finest Teen Titans.

Alright, you still with me? Good. Here is years 11-17. These years mostly encompass the 80s and 90s Batman and the first three robins.

Batman Year 11: The New Teen Titans are formed! While I'm not including the titans book, the New Teen Titans, as it is pre-crisis, many of the events still happen. Mainly, Starfire, Raven, and Cyborg join the team. Canonized Comics include N/A

Batman Year 12: Bruce gets concerned that Dick is spending too much time torn between several different responsibilities, between College, the Teen Titans, and helping Batman as Robin. In a fit of anger, and oh boy how I hate that phrase and how it perfectly describes what happened here, he fires Dick as Robin. Dick goes on to become Nightwing, and 12-Years-Old Jason Todd is taken in as the New Robin. Canonized Comics include Nightwing: Year One

Batman Year 13: Unlike Dick, Jason gets thrust into his role as Robin. He learns of his father's true fate; that he was killed by Two-Face. Going out of his way he almost kills Two-Face, but decides not to. Canonized Comics include N/A (I tried so hard, but I could not find the comics referenced in Death in the Family. Oh well!)

Batman Year 14: Jason and Bruce fight off a cult led by the mad Dean Blackfire. Bruce gets brainwashed, reminds himself why he fights, and then destroys the totem that controlled the cult. Barbara Gordon also retires from Batgirl this year. Canonized comics include Batman: The Cult

Batman Year 15: Barbara Gordon is shot by the Joker, and becomes paralyzed for life. In addition Jason finds out that his mother is still alive, and goes off to find her. This ends with him being beaten to death with a crowbar by the Joker. Bruce goes into a fit of grief, putting himself into more and more danger, until 6 months later, 13-Year-Old Tim Drake takes up the mantle. Canonized Comics include Batman: The Killing Joke, Batman: Death in the Family and Batman: A Lonely Place of Dying (Sometimes these stories are sold together, sometimes separately).

Batman Year 16: Oh boy. Here's the first hearty year. Firstly, Tim goes to train with Shiva for a couple of months. While this happens, Superman dies. Tim returns home. Bruce meets Azrael, and they fight before Azreal joins Batman’s crusade. As Bruce and Tim start to figure out their relationship, Bane comes into the city, breaks every criminal out of Arkham, and breaks Bruce's Back. Bruce leaves to go on a trip to rediscover himself, and Azrael becomes the next Batman, kicking Robin out of the Batcave and becoming more and more ruthless. Tim goes off and meets Spoiler, his girlfriend, and defeats the Cluemaster. Bruce begins to Travel all around the world, learning how to cure his back. Canonized Comics include Robin: Reborn, Batman: Sword of Azrael, Batman: Knightfall, Robin: Solo and Batman: Knightquest

Batman Year 17: He returns after doing so, defeating Azrael and establishing himself as Top Dog once more. He takes a quick break, letting Dick Grayson take a quick stint as Batman, before returning to the role of Nightwing and moving to Bludhaven. Also important to note, though no comics here reference it, the Birds of Prey begin here. Soon after this, however, a virus spreads throughout Gotham, causing the entire city to go on Lockdown. They defeat the one who caused the virus, and another crossover ends. During this year (Not Sure exactly when), Batman’s failsafe gets released, and Batman is voted out of the Justice League. Canonized Comics include Batman: KnightsEnd, Batman: Prodigal, Robin Turning Point, Batman: Contagion and JLA: Tower of Babel

I’ll be making a few more Batman Timelines after this, adding on Years 18 and 19 (No Man’s Land and War Games), Years 20 and 21 (Damian, Jason, and Bruce’s Death), Years 22 and 23 (Return of Bruce Wayne and New 52), and Year 24 (Rebirth). But each of these are hearty as I try and narrow down the top 15 comics to include for each.