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snowysosturn · 8 months ago

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Allies or Affiliates? - Chris Sturniolo Part 10

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Finale

Pairing : Y/n x Chris Sturniolo

Summary : Law student Y/n’s life takes a turn when she reconnects with Chris, her brief teenage flame who is now a dealer for a dangerous Boston drug gang. As their bond reignites, Y/n is drawn into Chris’s tumultuous world, where rival gangs clash and loyalty is everything. Balancing her love for Chris with her own ambitions, can their connection survive the chaos that threatens to pull them apart?

Warnings : MDNI, mentions of drugs, mentions of selling drugs, angst, cursing, smoking weed, suggestive

Chris's POV

The adrenaline from the fight with Y/n still coursed through my veins as I stumbled into my room, slamming the door behind me. The echo of our argument replayed in my mind like a broken record. I felt like I’d been hit by a truck, every part of me ached, not just from the physical exertion but from the emotional turmoil. How had it escalated so quickly? One minute, we were joking around, and the next, I was standing there, revealing my darkest secrets, while she looked at me like I was a stranger. It crushed me.

Dropping onto my bed, the weight of the world hit me in my chest. I needed to take the edge off, needed something to help me forget the angry words and the hurt in her eyes. I reached for my stash on my bed side table, my hands trembling slightly as I rolled a joint. The familiar motions were supposed to soothe me, but all I could think about was Y/n’s face when I told her the truth about my life. The way she’d looked at me when I mentioned the cartel, like I was some sort of monster.

I walked out to my backyard and took a long drag, inhaling deeply, hoping the smoke would clear the fog of confusion and regret, but it only served to intensify my thoughts. I paced in the grass, the smoke curling around me, and I couldn't shake the feeling of impending doom that settled in my stomach. Y/n was the last person I wanted to hurt, but here I was, tangled up in a life I never wanted her to be a part of. I’d cut her out for her safety, convinced it was the right choice. But now, standing on the line of losing her forever, I wasn’t so sure.

My mind drifted back to the memories we shared, the laughter, the innocent joy of a portion of our teenage years. I remembered the promises we made to always be there for each other, but I’d shattered those promises. It was killing me, and I felt more trapped than ever.

By the time I finally collapsed onto my bed, it was midday. Sleep came slowly, and when it did, it was filled with restless dreams of Y/n, my heart aching with every turn. I woke up to the sun hanging low in the sky, filtering through my curtains, and grabbed my phone, my heart leaping as I saw a message from her that just came in.

"Hey, I’d like to talk. Can we meet up?"

It was like a lifeline thrown into turbulent waters. I jumped out of bed, adrenaline kicking in again, and quickly replied, my fingers flying over the screen.

"Of course. I can come pick you up if you like?”

Y/N's POV

I paced the living room, my mind still swirling with everything that had happened after the party. My parents were back from their weekend away, and I could already feel the questions piling up. I didn’t want to deal with their prying. Not now. Not when I was about to meet Chris, the guy who’d just opened up a whole new level of chaos in my life.

Their laughter filtered in from the kitchen, my dad’s booming voice mingling with my mom’s soft giggles. It was a comforting sound, but it also reminded me of how out of place I felt. They’re a far cry from the situationship I’m placed in right now. How could I tell them I was meeting Chris? The guy I’d just found out was a drug dealer? I shook my head, feeling the anxiety creep up my spine.

I couldn't tell them at all. I walked into the kitchen to greet them, and had a small catch up before they decided to go to bed after being tired from all their travelling. “Good night, I might head out for a walk in a bit..” I called out as I headed towards my room, gunning toward my balcony, hoping to slip away unnoticed.

I climbed over the railing through the tree house window and climbed down onto the grass, making my way around the side of the house. The air was cooler outside, as the sun was fully set and my heart raced with anticipation and uncertainty. I couldn’t shake the feeling that this conversation would change everything.

When Chris arrived, I could see the tension in his shoulders, the way he rubbed the back of his neck like he was trying to ease the burden of the world off it. I felt a bit of sympathy for him. He had his demons, and now, he was standing in front of me, ready to confront them.

“Hey” he said softly, his voice hoarse.

“Hey.” I smiled faintly, trying to push aside the heaviness of our last encounter. “Let’s go.”

We climbed into his car, the silence stretching between us as he drove toward an empty parking lot a few blocks away. He parked and I turned to him, feeling the weight of everything hanging in the air.

“Okay, so..” I started searching for the right words. “We need to talk about what happened.. About you.”

Chris took a deep breath, his eyes meeting mine. “I know I should’ve told you sooner. I just.. I didn’t want to drag you into this mess. I thought I was protecting you.”

“By lying to me?” I shot back, feeling a mix of frustration and sadness. “You’re involved in something dangerous, Chris. I don’t want you to end up in jail.. or worse.”

“I know. And I’m sorry. I’m trying to figure it out.” he replied, running a hand through his hair. “Nate got pulled into it, and I thought I could stay away, but it wasn’t that easy. Once I was in, it was like a trap. But seeing you again, it felt right. I didn’t want to lose you again.”

My heart softened a little. “So, what are you going to do about it? I can’t just sit back and watch you get deeper into this. If you want this to work, you have to make an effort to get out.”

“I’ll do anything for you, Y/n.” he said, his voice steady and serious. “I promise I’ll try. I want to find a way out of this life.”

I studied his face, searching for any sign of deception, but all I saw was sincerity. “Do you.. do you take drugs yourself?”

He hesitated, looking down for a moment. “I smoke weed. That’s it. I don’t do anything harder, I swear. I just sell it.”

I sighed, the tension in my chest easing slightly. “Okay. I just need to know you’re not in over your head.”

“I’m not. I want to make things right.” he assured me. “Let’s figure this out together.”

“Alright..” I said slowly, feeling a spark of hope. “But this isn’t just a one time thing. You need to be committed to making changes.”

"You might need to give me some time.. You know to figure out how to go about it."

"Well that's a start I guess."

He smiled, and it was like a weight had lifted from my shoulders. We talked and laughed a bit, the earlier heaviness fading away as we settled into an easy rhythm, the way it used to be.

As we drove back toward my place, I glanced at him, a playful idea popping into my mind. “Do you have any weed on you?”

Chris raised an eyebrow, “Uh..yeah I do.. Why?”

I took a breath, choosing my words carefully. “Would you.. let me try some weed? Just once?”

His face shifted immediately from relaxed to slightly shocked, his brows knitting together in concern. “Wait, you want to smoke weed? Now?”

I bit my lip, feeling a bit self conscious. “I mean, yeah. Just once. I’ve never tried it before, and.. well, I want to understand your world a little better.”

He looked at me, searching my face, like he was trying to make sure I was serious. “Y/n.. it’s not really a big deal, you know. I don’t even smoke that often myself.”

“I get that” I replied, leaning a little closer to him, “but I’ve been curious about it for a while. And if I’m going to try it, I’d rather do it with you. Just this once. It’s not like I’m planning to make it a habit.”

Chris sighed, looking away for a moment, clearly torn. “I don’t know. You don’t have to do this to understand me. You don’t have to be a part of everything I do.”

I put a hand on his arm, squeezing gently. “I know. But tonight, it feels.. right. It’s just one little thing. Besides, we’ll be safe. We can go up to the treehouse where no one will bother us.”

He let out a soft chuckle, a trace of amusement in his eyes. “You’re really serious about this, huh?”

“Completely” I said with a grin. “So? Are you going to let me in on the secret, or do I have to ask someone else?”

He sighed again, but I could see him slowly relenting, the protective hesitation softening in his gaze. “Fine” he finally said. “But just this once. And only because you’re way too stubborn for your own good.”

I beamed, feeling a mix of excitement and nerves. “Promise.”

Together, we got out of the car and made our way toward the treehouse tucked away in the backyard, its old wooden steps creaking slightly under our weight. The fairy lights were still hung up from our date a few days ago, so I switched them on to create a bit of atmosphere, before arranging the blanket and pillows.

Once we were settled in the small, cosy space, Chris pulled a small pouch and rolling papers out of his jacket pocket. I watched, fascinated, as he carefully rolled the joint, his hands working with practised ease.

“This feels so.. surreal” I admitted, leaning back against the treehouse wall.

He gave me a teasing look. “You’re not getting scared, are you?”

“Me? No way.” I smirked, hiding the nervous energy bubbling up inside.

Once the joint was ready, he held it between his fingers, lighting it and taking a slow drag before passing it to me.

“Alright, so here’s the deal” he said, his voice low, calm, almost instructional. “Take a small inhale, but don’t try to pull it too deep your first time. Just let the smoke fill your mouth, then breathe it in slowly and exhale. Don’t rush it.”

I nodded, holding the joint carefully, feeling its warmth between my fingers. I took a small breath, the smoke tasting strange, earthy as it hit my throat. Almost immediately, I started coughing, my eyes watering as the harshness of it caught me off guard. Chris chuckled softly, watching me with a mix of amusement and sympathy.

“Yeah, that first hit always catches people by surprise” he said, patting my back gently. “Just take it slow. It’s not a competition.”

I laughed, still coughing a bit but determined. “Okay, okay. I’ll go easy.”

This time, I took a gentler pull, letting the smoke settle in my mouth before breathing it in, feeling a warmth unravel in my chest. I handed it back to him, trying to keep a straight face as I resisted another cough.

“See?” he said, his gaze softer, more relaxed. “Not so bad.”

“Not bad at all” I replied, feeling the first gentle waves of calm starting to spread through me.

We passed it back and forth, the silence between us comfortable, the flicker of his lighter illuminating the space between drags. I watched him, noticing the way his shoulders relaxed, his posture easy, the usual weight he carried seemed a little lighter here, away from the world’s eyes.

As the joint burned down, I couldn��t help but feel a new kind of connection with him, one that was less about the past or the future, and more about this shared, simple moment in the present.

I looked over at him, catching his gaze, and for a moment, everything felt like it was supposed to. Just us, like we used to be, but with a little more understanding, a little more honesty. The night air was still, the stars just beginning to peek through the branches above, and I couldn’t help but feel that maybe, just maybe, this was the start of something new for us.

The warmth of the weed had settled deep into my skin, making everything feel more alive, more intense. My senses were heightened, every little touch sending a thrill through me. I could feel his warmth, see every detail in his eyes, and I couldn’t help but let my gaze linger on his lips.

I shifted a little closer, feeling bolder, more curious. “So, are you going to let me in on more, or are you keeping all the secrets to yourself?” I teased, my voice a low murmur.

Chris’s mouth curved into a smirk as he looked at me, his gaze flicking to my lips before meeting my eyes again. “What else do you want to know?” His tone was smooth, with a hint of mischief that only drew me in more.

“Hmm” I said, leaning in a bit closer, my fingers lightly tracing the edge of his arm. “Maybe everything.”

The intensity in his eyes deepened, and I felt his fingers tighten slightly on my knee, the warmth of his touch spreading through me like a spark catching fire. His other hand reached up to brush a strand of hair behind my ear, lingering just a moment too long, his fingers trailing along my cheek. It was such a simple touch, but it felt electrifying, sending a pulse of warmth straight to my core.

“Careful” he murmured, his voice dropping low, almost a whisper, as his thumb brushed over my cheek. “You might get more than you’re bargaining for.”

I held his gaze, feeling the pull between us. “Maybe that’s exactly what I want” I replied softly, my voice steady but filled with a new intensity I hadn’t realised I had. I was aware of every inch of him, every movement, every breath.

He leaned in closer, so close that his breath brushed against my skin, and I felt my heart race, anticipation building between us. His hand moved up, fingers lightly tracing the side of my face, his touch soft but sure. I felt myself instinctively leaning into him, our faces inches apart, his gaze locked on mine with an intensity that made my pulse quicken.

“I don’t think I can hold back much longer if you keep looking at me like that.” he murmured, his voice rough around the edges.

“Maybe I don’t want you to.” I whispered, a smile playing on my lips.

With that, the space between us disappeared, and his lips met mine in a kiss that was slow, warm, and filled with a fire that felt like it had been building for ages. His hands found my waist, pulling me closer as I wrapped my arms around his neck, sinking into the kiss, feeling like I was falling and floating all at once.

The treehouse felt like it was spinning, but I didn’t care. All I wanted was this moment, this connection, as I kissed him back, letting the night and all my worries fade away.

Chris pulled back just slightly, his face close enough that our breaths mingled in the cool night air. His eyes searched mine, serious yet soft, as if he were weighing something deeply important. I could feel his hesitation, the way he was holding back despite everything between us.

He brushed his thumb along my cheek, his hand warm and steady. "Are you sure about this?" he asked quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. "I don’t want you to feel.. pushed or anything."

I looked up at him, my heart racing but my thoughts perfectly clear. He was giving me an out, a chance to step back, and I knew he’d respect it if I did. But there was no doubt in my mind. I wanted to be here, I wanted him. Every inch of him.,

"Chris" I said, my hand gently resting over his. "I’m sure. This is what I want."

He let out a slow breath, relief flickering across his face, and his shoulders relaxed as he held my gaze. The intensity between us deepened, something unspoken passing as he studied me, seeming to memorise every detail. His thumb traced a small circle on my cheek, a gesture that felt both grounding and electrifying.

"Good" he murmured, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Because I don't think I could pull away even if I tried."

I leaned into him, feeling the warmth of his touch, and for the first time, any lingering fear or hesitation melted away completely. I

"Then don't pull away" I whispered, smiling up at him, inviting him closer.

He closed the small distance between us again, his lips finding mine in a kiss that was deep, slow, and filled with everything unspoken between us.

The next thing I knew, I was on top of him.

a/n : everything is just going so well atm!!!

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idciminlove · 8 months ago

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Take a Slice

Part Two - Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

f!reader x Tashi Duncan x Art Donaldson x Patrick Zweig

Cinnamonacid on AO3

warnings- age gap, inaccurate tennis stuff, performance anxiety, etc.

You have an audience at the final match.

Song inspo: Yeah x10 - Challengers soundtrack

𝙽𝙲𝙰𝙰 𝚆𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚗'𝚜 𝚃𝚎𝚗𝚗𝚒𝚜 𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚖𝚙𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚙 𝙵𝚒𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚜

𝙵𝚒𝚗𝚊𝚕 𝙼𝚊𝚝𝚌𝚑

You took a deep breath, preparing to enter the court. This was it. The final match of the NCAA tournament and your chance to win it all.

Your opponent was a senior from Stanford who had won the championship last year. She had much more experience and talent. Everyone’s expecting her to win. For some reason, that made you a lot less nervous. All the pressure was on her, after all. And you’ve always liked being the underdog.

Your coach patted your back, murmuring words of encouragement to you. The next thing you knew, you were walking onto the court, hearing your name announced.

There were so many people there, it was overwhelming. You let your eyes fall to the crowd, plastering on a smile despite how your heart was racing, and your chest felt all tight, like you couldn’t breathe. Tashi was watching. She had to be.

You put your racket bag down, zipping it open and taking a deep breath. She won’t be watching you. She won’t be rooting for you. No one expects you to win this. They don’t matter.

There’s only two people you’re winning this match for. Your mother who worked constantly not only to get by, but to provide for you and scrape together enough to pay for your lessons. Who stood by you and did everything she could for you. While she wasn’t watching in the crowd, you knew she was watching on TV. You made sure to wave to the camera, making a little heart with your hands.

You sauntered onto the court, stretching your legs, and getting into position. You took a deep breath, feeling your trembling hands clench the racket.

Breathe..Just breathe. You reminded yourself, letting your eyes fall to the most important person there. Annalise. She’s your motivation, your will, your everything. You weren’t able to win doubles with her, so you at least owe her this much.

She smiled at you, giving you a thumbs up. You grinned back. I’ll win for you, sweet girl.

–

You were reminding Tashi of Patrick with how much you were grinning. You were practically beaming with every serve you returned, every point you scored, and every hit against the ball. It made sense. You had nothing to lose. No one expected you to get this far. Not after that injury or the low tier school you were playing for. All the pressure was on her. You knew that, and you were using it against her.

It was brilliant. Brilliant, beautiful, and bright, just like you. Just like the match that was being played out before her. It had been so long since Tashi had seen such fire and ambition in anyone. Not only were you pushing yourself, but you were pushing your opponent, making her compete and forcing her hand. You were showing her that she was no longer on top, that she had to fight tooth and nail if she wanted to win. And if you were going to go down, you’d go down swinging.

Tashi moved her head back and forth, her eyes following the ball. She watched as you sprinted, jumped and even slid on the court to keep the ball in, she listened to your pretty little grunts and groans, studying your hits. Your fronthand, your backhand, analyzing everything she could. She could feel her heart racing, adrenaline and dopamine rushing through her. She could see herself in you, and for a moment, just a moment, it felt like she was playing again.

–

𝙼𝚊𝚝𝚌𝚑 𝙿𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚝

Sweat trickled down your nose. You were soaked. Not only from the California heat, but from how hard you’ve pushed yourself. Your arms were aching, your fingers stung from how hard you gripped the racket, and your knees were skinned from the few times you slid to save the ball. But that didn’t matter. What mattered was that you were about to win. It had been close all game, with the both of you neck and neck in winning points and sets, but you had finally scored the match point, and it was your serve.

You ran your tongue over your teeth, bouncing the ball as you debated on where to hit it. You smiled at your opponent one last time, before you threw the ball in the air and raised your racket in the air, hitting the ball as hard as you could. You readied yourself, watching as the girl chased after the ball, before it changed direction and bounced past her.

You paused in shock, realizing that you had actually won. Then, for the first time in the tournament, you let yourself find her in the crowd. There she was, the one and only Tashi Duncan, sitting at the center of the row at the edge of her seat, her sunglasses slightly falling down her nose. You couldn’t help but smile.

The eye contact you two made only lasted for a moment, because the next thing you knew, your teammates had jumped over the stands and were now rushing over to you. Annaliese was the first, throwing her arms around you, the rest of them following suit.

Holy shit. You did it. You actually won.

–

Art agreed with Tashi. You were very talented. He also agreed with Patrick that you were a pretty thing, running around in that too tight tennis skirt, but there was something about being here that made him feel bad. Maybe it was because the last time he had watched a women’s tennis match here, it ended with Tashi on the ground, sobbing and clutching her knee. Maybe it was the guilt he felt.

But why was he guilty? He didn’t know. It could be because he wasn’t as enthusiastic to be here, after swearing off tennis years ago, and no matter how intriguing or tempting you may be, he refused to let himself get drawn in. Or it could be how he had given up all his morals and previous views on marriage and family to finally accept the truth. Was this another truth he was refusing to accept? That he wanted this young woman he hardly knew?

No. He couldn’t. He shouldn’t. But as you scored that final point, he looked over at the two sitting beside him, and he knew he was fucked. Tashi was on the edge of her seat, digging her nails into the arms of her chair, lips parted, chest heaving, a hungry look in her eyes, and Patrick was slumped back, thighs spread, undoubtedly hard.

Art felt his heart racing, a tent growing in his pants as well. Fuck.

–

It wasn’t until half the stands were cleared and you were escorted away that Tashi moved, getting to her feet and grabbing her bag. Art straightened up, gazing over at her. “Where are you going?”

“To get her number.”

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whoredersupreme · 5 months ago

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Storm Chasing, Mind Breaking

Summary: Chapter 1 - Shadows in Sunagakure

Summary: As she navigates the complexities of the village’s expectations and her own ambitions, Sorano faces internal struggles about her role and identity, and gets closer to a breaking point.

Word Count: 3,650

Warnings: Self harm, coerced suicide and suicidal tendencies, mentions of death and murder, at best morally grey main character. I don't think anything hugely out of the norms for Naruto but please tread carefully if those sound offputting.

A/N: Self indulgent Naruto/Akatsuki OC story - will there be a second chapter? Doubtful, but hopeful. I wanna get to the good stuff.

Chapter 2 ->

Almost seven months have passed since the last death, and tensions in the desert-village are still high: threads of anxiety and a morbid excitement taught through everyone with something to lose. Sorano plucks the thread, vibrating the questions already ringing about her mind. When would the next be? Where? Who would be left in mourning? Would the collective anxiety shatter into relief, or sharpen?

Skin sticky from the pervasive and oppressive heat, she lay staring at the sandstone ceiling, scrunching the plain white bedsheets between her fingertips as she contemplates the questions surely on the mind of every Sunagakure resident. She should expect this kind of heat by now, with the many years she had lived here. She should be used to it. No one else seemed to mind it very much. Of course, they kept out of the direct sun in the middle of the day - the only time the temperature felt worth it to her - and most left their window open a crack at night, but they were born in the desert, and the desert was a part of them.

Sorano was not born here.

Aggressively, she pushes her hair up above her head, pulling out a few thick, red strands in the rough attempt to free herself from the feeling of being suffocated. Anything for any relief. But she wasn't surprised when no relief came; she was stifled by more than her hair, and more than the heat.

A dull thumping sound begins from overhead, pulling her from her intrusive thoughts. A moth bumps against her lampshade repetitively, leaving a light dusting of its precious minute scales. Beige, like everything else in the small government-appointed apartment. She slips her bare legs off the side of the bed and stands to open the window. The moth needn't be trapped like her, but it will have to find its own way out. She stretches her fingertips out into the dark night, just barely able to graze the outside wall of her building. The walls in Suna are thick, apparently to help keep the insides of the buildings cooler. It seems to her that at night they have the opposite effect, because there is a pleasant breeze brushing against her fingers which certainly doesn't make its way into her room. Even the thickness of the walls feel claustrophobic, separating her from the eddies of air dancing outside.

As usual, she can hear distant conversation from the streets below, some jovial and some argumentative. She can feel the faint buzzing thrum of their minds pushing on the periphery of her senses, but thankfully they are too few and too far to pay any notice to. A peel of laughter cuts the air, reminding her that for most there is still the opportunity for fun in the middle of the desert; for a social life with drinking and dancing and eating and singing with friends.

It does not help her to be this bitter, nor would it help her to have friends.

The floor is rough under her feet as she pads back to her bed, laying on top of her sheets once again and twisting her fingers into the pillowcase so tightly it might cut off her circulation, and biting her lip so hard it might bleed. But not quite that tight, or that hard. She is practiced at this ritual for sleep.

She is hurting herself, more than anyone she actually wants to hurt, with her resentment, but it builds inside her nonetheless. It is an uncontrollable thing, twisting and tumbling around her stomach, boiling like a wild sea in a storm and making her sick sick sick sick sick every time she is called upon by the village. Every time she catches a glimpse of furtive whispers shared between those few acknowledge she exists. Usually, holding onto it only hurts her. But the hurt is hers, and it feels like it could be power, so she holds on anyway.

❈❈❈

In the daylight Sorano walks with a very purposeful look of casual comfortability to the office of the new Boy-Kazekage. More Shinobi than usual appear to be on duty, in an effort to prevent another suspicious inexplicable death, and she supposes to put the civilian population at ease. Foolish. Not a single body had been found in the streets, and the deaths all appeared to have happened at night. Then this must be for appearances alone. There had certainly been more foreign envoys since the former scourge of the sand had taken office, so the need for apparent safety made sense. And it did seem to be working, tension visibly melted off families catching sight of this increased surveillance, full of joy to be together, and for this effort to keep them safe, even as they cast wary glances her way. Hypocritical, given the Kazekage himself was the source of that same fear only a handful of years ago.

She glances at a mother and daughter with hair almost as red as her own, catching the woman brush some dust from her daughters shoulder in a moment of casual comfortability that Sorano lost almost eight years ago. Even her own family couldn't stand to be around her after a certain point, so is it really any wonder these strangers mistrusted her? The buzz of mental energy is worse at ground level, amongst the comparative throng of the night, but if the deaths had caused even more passive aggression towards her on the part of the villagers, it has at least kept the streets, and therefore her head, clearer. Perhaps this is in part why it had been so long since the last...

The thick soles of her oh-so-practical shoes slap with a dull thud against stone steps as she climbs towards the thick wooden doors of her keepers office. She is quite sure he doesn't see himself as her keeper. Perhaps he thinks himself benevolent, embracing this outsider in a way his father never did. Too little, too late. She is to meet her teammates outside before they enter to receive their next mission. Her next mission would be more apt. She is only called upon when absolutely necessary, so in reality the task is hers, and her companions will join as back-up and support. To keep tabs on the liability is more like it. As Sorano understands it, it is unusual to receive missions directly from the Kazekage, but it is the norm to her. She needs to be monitored - perhaps well meaning, perhaps malicious, but either way it is another watchful eye to keep her in line. As far as anyone knows she has never stepped over, or even near the line, it's simply not an option available to her. The line is unnecessary ball and chain around her ankle. Around her throat.

Two pairs of feet come into view above the top of the stairs, close together and angled towards each other, but just far enough away from where Sorano will emerge to know that it is purposeful. She hears their clandestine whispers, and digs her fingernails into her palms as hard as she can, taking a sharp breath of relief at the outlet for her anger, grounding herself with the pain. Plastering a deliberately mild expression on her face she rounds the last few steps and stands a few feet away. The tall man and woman before her have been on her team for two years, but she can count on one hand the number of times they have spoken to her outside of work. She knows from what they think are secret smiling glances, from the way they mirror each others stance, and better yet from her intrusions into their minds, that they are a couple, or at least something akin to it. There is little need to bother themselves forming a bond with her, when every mission gives them time as good as alone.

"Good morning, Goro, Jun." Sorano says curtly, her lips curling into something like a smile because she knows they will never use her given name, and they do not like her to use theirs. Far too familiar.

Goro nods. Jun sneers.

"Morning, Hōraku." Goro is also curt, but it is an acknowledgement, at least.

If she is entirely honest with herself, she hasn't given them, or anyone else in Suna, a fair chance in some time. In years. Earlier efforts to integrate fully or better yet to make a connection have fallen flat shortly after beginning, if they haven't imploded... But they hadn't given her a fair chance either, and in this case she is quite sure that two wrongs do make a right.

"Squad 18, please enter." A flat, almost breathy voice cuts through the tension and Jun pushes the door open, leading the way into the domed office. Many round windows reveal bright and searing light outside, but the room itself is dark and calm, with a lingering scent of sandalwood. For the leader of one of the Five Great Nations, the Kazekage keeps his workplace simple and unassuming. There are a few plants, mostly succulents that can handle the heat, a few shelves stacked with papers and books, and a large wooden desk sitting on top of a small rug. The pleasant scent is the only thing that has changed since she first set foot in here, more than ten years ago.

She would do so much with the space, if it were hers.

Standing side by side with Goro and Jun it is all she can do not to glare at the boy sitting before her. It isn't his fault she's in this situation, but knowing she's here to be used by a child tastes bitter, regardless of how accomplished he is. She is reminded again that just a few years ago he two received fearful glances in the streets, and moreso than her. Now he is the golden boy. The reformed monster. What it is they want her to reform about herself she doesn't know.

"Thank you all for coming, Goro, Jun, Sorano." The Kazekage speaks so softly, it is clear he has never had to raise his voice to command attention. Is it because he used to be so feared, or because he is now so respected? Whichever it is, she envies him both.

"Of course, Kazekage-sama!" Jun speaks lightly, rocking forward on her toes. She looks so pleased and girlish in the moment that despite being half a foot taller than Sorano, she seems small.

The Kazekage smiles slightly, "We have a B-rank mission requiring your talents as a squad." He pauses, and Goro's brows shoot up, just for a moment. The Kazekage spots it the same moment Sorano does. "You may feel a B-rank mission is below you, and in usual circumstances you would be correct. But this is no reflection of the importance of your task, I simply do not expect a need for combat."

As suspected, the mission was for the foreigner.

“We have received intelligence that a high-profile mob boss from the Land of Rivers will be travelling through the southern borders of the Land of Wind a few days from now. You are to ensure that does not happen.” She inclines her head slightly, waiting for him to continue. “This request comes from myself, rather than the Land of Rivers. It will strengthen our relationship to rid them of their problem.”

Goro frowns slightly before speaking low, “So this is entirely pro-bono?”

“If that’s how you would like to think of it.”

Jun jumps in, “It doesn’t matter much what it’s for Goro, an order is an order.”

Sorano can't help but agree with Jun, knowing better than most that realistically they have no choice, but of course Jun would jump at the chance to show the Kazekage how well behaved she is. Sorano is a hypocrite in both her mind and her actions, because she says nothing.

“No, you deserve an explanation,” the Kazekage murmurs, and Sorano feels a small amount of warmth towards him for shutting down Jun’s boot-licking, “it is pro-bono. However, there are many benefits to the village. Allowing him to travel through our land unhindered may appear weak, and as I said, this will strengthen relations between us and our neighbours. You should not underestimate the value in that, simply because it is a smaller land.”

Satisfied, or perhaps mollified, Goro nods.

“He is due in five days. Your squad should leave tomorrow to ensure there is room for incorrect intel. You will receive a packet with a full briefing this evening.” He gives another small, almost tentative smile, before looking back down at his papers and flipping a page. He doesn’t dismiss us, but the effect is the same.

Sorano turns on her heel and leaves the room behind her comrades. Colleagues? They are about to walk down the stairs when Jun looks back, just for a moment, and Sorano, blank-faced, raises her hand in something like a wave.

“We’ll meet by the gate at midday tomorrow.” Jun says sharply, snaps her head forward once more and side by side, she leaves with Goro.

❈❈❈

Sorano's room feels like a trap, about to spring any second. The staticness and stagnation it reflects in her is the trap, and if anything were to spring it would be a breath of fresh air. Her building is unusually busy, a party for someone or others birthday on the floor below her, and although the thick walls dampen the sound to a low thud like that of the moth, the mental noise is too much toomuchtoomuch!

Quick as a slap she takes a knife from her kitchen draw, slicing the blade across her thump deep enough for the blood to flow steadily. It wouldn't do to truly injure herself before a mission but oh, oh relief. She heaves a sigh, flopping back limply on a hard wooden chair and letting her eyes flutter closed as she focuses on the sweet throbbing in her wounded digit. The buzz still intrudes on her, but it is manageable now, lesser than the pain.

Picking up the light brown envelope from where she cast it on the desk a few hours ago, she unwinds the fastening, wrapping the soft white string around her thumb as she does so, stemming the blood flow and increasing the pang. Her skin below the makeshift tourniquet is almost as white as the twine was before the blood soaked through, a hard contrast from the peachy tan of the rest of her hand.

Distraction and first-aid in place, she must read the report and prepare for the mission. Goro and Jun can probably go without, and likely will, since combat isn't expected, but for the lonely woman a strong understanding of her target is essential. Ideally she would have had the chance to watch him and write the report herself, but either he is too unpredictable, or the village leaders think she is, so the task was assigned to someone else.

It quickly becomes clear that while the mission will be a difficult one, the target himself is nothing extraordinary. Not a shinobi, but skilled in combat nonetheless, he has been causing issues at the Katabami gold mine and neighbouring villages since the death of Kurosuki Raiga a few years ago. No matter the tyranny of having such a skilled, albeit deranged, ninja at the head of their operations, the protection he offered must be missed by the locals now that multiple gangs are running rampant. Better the devil you know. At only thirty-three years old, Aoyama Kenta has been making a name for himself as a brutal, inhumane, greedy, mob boss interested only in profit and hedonism, with a single exception of his infant son.

How touching.

Sorano could work with that.

She flicks through the pages a few more times, savouring the smooth surface of the paper under her fingertips and seeking out any minute bumps. She already knows she hasn't missed anything of importance: she is meticulous, and she must be to show the people in Sunagakure she is worth keeping around, to keep their already probing minds from looking any further.

Almost seven months have passed since she last stretched her Kekkai Genkai to the depths of its abilities, but she has been sure to keep it limber.

She lays back on her bed and closes her eyes, letting sight and touch and smell fade away and instead seeking that painful buzzing static of minds. The buzz grows louder and somehow as she embraces it it becomes her whole, the sound of synapses firing all around her, fuzzy, iridescent, shapeless forms moving in and out of her minds eye. They thrum with life energy, a melting pot between chakra and mental signatures, bright and loud and beautiful in their joy, or their despair. She feel where there is a greater depth of emotion, and although she wants to go looking in many directions, following all those threads of thought and chemical signatures, she focuses inwards. The rest becomes a far-away tinnitus-like buzz around her as she finds the mind she is listening for, and attunes to it. This is a rich well of emotion, one she has been working on and cultivating for months. His thoughts sound as a despairing violin, his mind's iridescence closer to that of an oil spill.

It isn't quite the workout or the challenge she would usually chose, as her upstairs neighbour has no genjutsu training to speak of - or any shinobi training for that matter - but he was so dispassionate about everything save for his disgust for his foreign neighbour before she started work on him, and just look at the range of his feeling now. Beautiful.

Through many solitary nights in her apartment, listening to his mind as she was now, she has come to know the man well. Much better than he knows, or cares to know her. People like comfortability, and easy paths through life. Assuming the new neighbour from another village, still just a small girl but holding a power you won’t bother to understand, is a threat, is easy. Certainly it’s easier than welcoming her into a frightening new home when her mother and her siblings disappeared. Than accepting that as a child, she will only become as much of a threat as everyone makes her. Him and many others have taken the easy route.

He is in his late forties, not particularly notable for anything - he works in a weapon manufacturing workshop in the village. He also spends most nights alone in his apartment, and apart from proximity to Sorano, he was perfect content with that. Passing through life like a ghost. He was friendly with many, friends with few, but he didn't mind. He was passive in his own lack of life force. But she had helped him the last few months, to make something of himself. To long for more and to really feel something.

She doesn't always, or even usually, take this length of time with her work, but for the vitriol he has spat at her, for the daily discomfort he has caused, she considers it her return gift to him.

As she listened from the back corner of his mind, he pours himself an over-full glass of sake. It is quickly downed, topped up, downed again, and the remainder of the bottle poured to half fill his cup. He looks at the floor, for a short moment boring venomous holes at the wood and plaster separating him from his secret tormentor, but quickly his eyes fill with tears blurring his vision, and his mind is scattered into misery. It shines brightly to Sorano.

She is about to push a little further, to leave a little calling card to help the story she wishes for to play out, but as soon as she does she realises she will barely have to, it would be heavy handed, even if enjoyable. The probing, parasitic vine she planted, tended, and loved, has done it's job so well, tearing apart the tree it wrapped around and thriving on the remains of its trunk.

--There's nothing here for me. What am a doing drinking alone every night? Nothing I haven't done before. All I've ever done, what's the fucking point?--

Slowly, oh so slowly, she edges into his mind. He must not know she is here, but with his lack of training there was never really a risk of that. With a voice like honey, just under the surface for him to find on his own, she leaves the spark. Would anyone even notice?

--No one would even notice. What do I mean to anyone? What do I mean to the village? Nothing...--

With a finality that certainly brings him relief he stands, and like a whip she comes back to herself, following one floor behind up the stairs to the roof. The sky is a dark inky blue, unmuddied by clouds, and with a waning moon. It will be gone tomorrow night. His silhouette is only visible because the stars cannot be seen behind where he stands, up on the precipice of the building, arms out and eyes closed with his back to the drop.

Guessing that she only has seconds she makes her way over to him, silent as any member of the ANBU. As she raises her hand, hovering it just over his chest, she sees the culmination of her work. Abject despair giving way to joy that he has finally decided on a way out. His brows unknit and a serene smile spreads across his face as only one content with their imminent death can.

This is perfect.

At the height of his relief, she gives him a firm push, and for a brief moment in the second it takes him to fall they are united in ecstasy.

This is art.

#my writing #naruto oc #akatsuki oc #sorano horaku #scmb #naruto fic #akatsuki fic #naruto fanfic #akatsuki fanfic #oc x canon #oc x akatsuki

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raedroid · 5 months ago

Text

Kiss Writing Challenge #4

“Could you please just stay the night please, just one night, just once with me...? that's all I ask of you, I know you've been busy with everything but can you just...stay...I'm tired of being alone...without you. I....need you...I miss you....I love you...please.”

For @a-ack / @spacedoutman writing challenges (I’m sorry this took me so long lol). This is part 2 of one of my previous writing prompts I did and decided to use it for this one lol

Note: I changed the interviewers name because I don’t think his name was Mark in Kiss Exposed, it’s the name of the actor, and even if it was, I don’t feel comfortable naming him that

——————————————————————————

Grace sat alone on the king sized bed, covered in velvet sheets and soft white pillows. As she sat in a warm lavender nightgown and a multicoloured blanket wrapped over her shoulders, keeping her from the cold, she was watching an interview on the small television set in her room, her small apartment she had struggled to keep. Her job barely paid her bills and barely managed to buy her groceries and clothes. But after she met him, she thought things would get better. Alan treated her like a queen and to be honest, deep down she did had a connection with him.

But as time went on, she realized how much she was being used.

Alan was an eccentric interviewer that was well liked by several higher ups in the journalism industry. Alan noticed her one evening at the local cafe that Grace was working in. She was beyond surprised when he wanted to talk to her. He would compliment her on her soft brown hair and bright gray-blue eyes, how sophisticated she looked and her melodic voice, describing her like a goddess. His personality was a bit strange, he would be very invasive from time to time and try to reach her deepest secrets, try to learn everything about her. As he moved up in the industry, Grace wasn’t sure what to do with the relationship,

Whatever it may be.

He was slowly becoming more confident and famous, which lead to a change in his demeanour. His invasion of her privacy became more intense, watching her when she was sleeping whenever he came over, taking photos of her and her belongings without her permission and knowing, and commented on her appearance in a vindictive way. Grace slowly started losing her confidence because of him but despite his rude comments and actions that brought down her self esteem, she still wanted to stay with him. Alan made it his goal to make Grace a star. She made the big mistake of telling him her ambitions, being a singer or an actress, and Alan tried to make her career work through his interviews.

Their relationship was concerning Grace even more. He was ready to become a manager and give up his career in order to make her a sensation but Alan’s tactics brought her down, wanting her to look a certain way, act a certain way, talk a certain way, almost everything was in his control. When he was trying to change her into his perfect image, he continued to be invasive while being a “good” man to her. He gave her flowers, called her every night and took her on dates. But it was fake. Behind the doors, Alan would break her down mentally and abandoned her every time she spoke out against him. Every time he ignored her and threatened her, she felt helpless and tried to hold on to survive. If he leaves, she’ll be nothing again

Just like he always told her

On that night, Grace was alone after telling Alan to stop monitoring her food again. He just left her alone in an unstable home and an unstable mind. The anxiety without being with him started to catch up to her as she watched him interview another up and coming actress, what he was trying to do with her. The way he complimented this woman the same way he did to her made her feel betrayed and hopeless, making her clutch her pillows tighter by the seconds. She turned off the tv in a state of stress and turned to the phone laying on the nightstand next to her and hurriedly called Alan, hoping the interview was over. Soon after many rings, he finally took the call

“Hello?”

“Hey Alan, it’s me.”

“Grace? What do you want? I’m busy.”

“Look I’m sorry for yelling at you earlier. I know you’re trying to look out for me.” She lied through her fear as tears pooled up in her eyes

“Is that it?”

“No not really. When will you come back to California?”

“Don’t know. But when I get back, I expect you to come back with a better attitude. I did not appreciate you yelling at me.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“You say that but you always repeat those words. You always yell at me when all I want to do is make you succeed. Do you ever once thought about how I felt?”

“I’m sorry Alan. I mean it. I just-“

“Just tell me what you want. Unless you wanted to complain some more.”

“I just wanted to talk. I know we have been ignoring each other and you’re upset at me and busy but I just want to see you. I’m sorry I was a jerk. Please when you come home, can you please visit me? I’ve been alone for a while and I just…. miss you.” Grace wasn’t sure if she was genuine or not. She did hated the way he treated her but he has been with her for so long that she felt like she can’t go on without him. Her thoughts were interrupted by Alan releasing a chuckle

“You know I can’t help you with your feelings all the time. We have careers and you need to focus on yourself. I don’t have to be there for you everytime you need to talk to me.”

*Silence*

“Anyways Grace gotta go. Have a good night now. I’ll let you know if I’ll come over. Good night love.”

The dial tone filled the bedroom, sending waves of emotions through her head. Grace dropped the phone, letting the dial tone torment her further as the floodgates opened and tears poured from her face and her breathing became frantic and rapid. She moved her head into her pillow, muffling her screams of pure betrayal and intense loneliness.

You can still be with someone and still feel alone

——————————————————————————

Grace stood by the poolside in the middle of the night. It has been only a day since her heavenly evening with Paul and many thoughts were running through her head. She had finally met a man who was gentle, sweet, and loving, something she noticed Alan never acted upon. She was debating whether or not to cut ties with him and stay with Paul or be unsuccessful and lose her only hope of being special. Essentially, decide if she should be happy for once but be a nothing human, or be an important person and be miserable.

And deep down, she had this deep fear telling her that Paul doesn’t want her and only wanted her for a good time or because she was attractive. If it was true, then she’ll truly be alone. But despite the fear hidden inside, she realized she barely smiled during her time with Alan. In the brief time she spent with Paul, she actually felt joy, like she was finally seen. The way he caressed her and spoke to her made her heart melt. He whispered sweet words to her throughout the whole night and showed so much honesty and compassion towards her. Then finally, his words returned to her when he shouted at Alan

“Listen Alan. I don’t know whether or not you want to protect her but trust me, I won’t hurt her. She is an amazing woman, she’s smart, confident, kind, funny and talented, not to mention absolutely beautiful. I will be there for her every day and every way possible. I will keep her safe, healthy and happy. And if you don’t want her to be any of those, then don’t talk to her again.”

Those words changed her mind almost instantly. He wanted her to be a person, Alan just wants a specific version of her, one he could use over and over again. After thinking things over, she left the pool side to go and meet with Paul. But after making her way through the archways of the large manor, Alan took her arm roughly and pulled her to him, a stern and almost dangerous expression on his face combined with his aggressive grip made her nervous

“I know what you’re doing Grace. You shouldn’t talk to him anymore. He only wants you because you’re pretty. He wants to use you, that’s all everyone wants to do to you.” He warned

“Alan, I’m allowed to talk to people.” She remarked

“Yes but not him! He’s just a rockstar and all he sees in pretty ladies like you is how big your chest is and nothing else! If you actually think he is different around you, you are delusional! Why go for him when you have me here?!”

“Because last night was the first time in a long time that I’ve been genuinely happy?”

“I can make you happy you know! He’ll leave you alone and leave you hopeless and betrayed! I don’t do that to you! I give you everything you want and more and you’re gonna throw our whole relationship away just for some creep?!”

“At least that guy lets me eat whatever I want whenever I want! At least he lets me wear whatever I want! At least he lets me actually be an individual!”

“He’s just using you! He’s doing this to gain your trust and hurt you even more! You have to believe me!”

“What if I don’t!” She pulled her arm away from his grasp with such force, he looked at her in disbelief but still couldn’t seem to acknowledge where he went wrong

“God why are you being so difficult?!”

“Maybe it’s because I have always felt miserable! At first you were gonna help me out but now I see through you Alan! You just want to use me like all the other people who worked with you before! Every day you make me feel like I’m a helpless little doll and you would slap me around to be this perfect woman but that’s who I am! This isn’t even about Paul anymore! It’s about how much you’ve hurt me and make me hate myself more than I did before! So I would appreciate it if you leave me alone and not meddle with my relationship again!”

She shook with fear as he stared at her in intense shock, surprised she had the courage to finally tell him off. He grabbed both of her wrists and pulled her towards him and slapped her against the face with all of his might. As she struggles to get her balance back, he lets go of her wrists and lets her fall down, rubbing his face with his hand and when he pulled away, he looked suspiciously calm, causing her anxiety to spike

“I did everything to make you a star and this is how you treated me. I actually helped you through all of this because I had faith in you. But you had to go around and be disrespectful to me and all of my efforts to make you famous. You didn’t needed a stupid rockstar to make you special because guess what? You’re not. You never were but I thought if I worked on you, then maybe you can be. But I see through you now Grace. You’re just pathetic. If you want to go to that rockstar, you can but you’ll throw all of my hard work down the drain. I actually loved you, he never did.”

As Grace slowly rose from the ground, she stared at him and with every heavy emotion she had, she punched him square in the jaw making him tumble back. He lunged towards her and punched her back in the eye, making her wobble in pain. Rapid footsteps ran towards her and caught her when she was about to collapse. She looked up with her eye in pain to see Paul, his soft brown eyes meeting hers and he stared at Alan in complete disbelief.

“Alan. You’re fired.” He responded coldly but calmly. Alan’s eyes almost bulged out of his face

“What?! But she attacked me first! She should leave instead! Go on Grace! Tell him that you attacked me first!” He shouted. Grace didn’t even attempt to defend him and simply looked away, burying her head in Paul’s arms. As Paul brought her back to her feet, he continued to look at Alan upset

“Gather your belongings and get out.” He ordered, more angrily than before

“But who’ll take care of her? She needs me.”

“I’ll do it. Like I told you last night. Now get your things. Or I’ll get them for you.”

“But I’m an important part of the show! She’s just a random chick!”

“Get your shit!! That’s an order!!” Alan knew he lost the fight and slowly left the room, climbing up the steps and looked at Grace one last time. Grace never gave him a parting glance and simply looked at Paul who pulled her closer, stroking her head and letting her cry into his shoulder. A million bricks fell off her shoulders in that moment and she was grateful she did it with someone like him.

——————————————————————————

“And that’s why you two were together?” Paul asked after Grace caught him up on her relationship with him. She was back in his room and they laid on the king sized bed as he wrapped her in a soft blanket, kissing her head gently

“Yeah. I thought that if I left him, I would just be a nobody again. He would do this all the time with me and it made me feel like I’m… nothing” She admitted

“No one should make you feel like that. I promise he won’t go near you again. Like I said last night, I will always be there for you.” He murmured, giving her a comforting smile. But she simply looked away with tears in her eyes

“But it’s true right?”

“What is?”

“That I’m just some pretty lady you wanted a good time with? Because I am nothing special let’s get that straight. Theres nothing of value to me. I mean, I’m not a singer, or model or actress or anything like that. I’m just a random nobody that Alan wanted to change and now that he’s gone, I’m nothing again.”

“Grace, he made you feel that way. You are putting way too much pressure on yourself.” She bolted off the bed and threw the blanket down in a state of rage, betrayal and anxiety

“But it’s true! I was never good enough for anyone! Not for him and especially not for you! You only want me because of what Alan was trying to turn me into! And without him, I’m nothing! So if you want to leave me or hate me or berate me or anything, go for it! I deserve it!” She shouted, her breath was getting rapid and soon she clutched her dress as anxiety started to settle, realizing she can’t go back to the way things used to be.

“Grace?” He slowly got up and took her hands off her dress and held them in his own, giving them a small squeeze. “Please don’t ever say that about yourself ever again.” He said softly

“But it’s true. Without him I’m nothing.” Grace whimpered, her tears returning. Paul slowly pulled her in an embrace and sat back on the large bed and letting her come undone in his arms

“Grace. Listen to me. I brought you up here because I want to get to know you. Genuinely. I think you’re beautiful, smart, funny and sweet. Do you think I said all those things last night as a joke? Last night was the happiest I felt in a long time and I know, from what you’ve said, it was the same thing for you. That’s why I said I love you. You made me happy.”

Grace looked at him slowly as a look of surprise landed on her face. No one ever told her these things and to hear it from someone like him was a lot for her.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I’m making you uncomfortable. If you want, I’ll give you some alone time. I don’t want to make you upset.” He gently laid her on the bed and slowly got up. But as he started to turn, Grace shot up and grabbed his hand, preventing him from leaving.

“No please!” She shouted, surprising him. “I know this sounds stupid but I don’t want to be alone right now.”

“Grace?”

Paul gave her a sympathetic smile and took the hand holding his and brushed a light but loving kiss against the knuckles

“Of course my love.” She smiled as he joined her on the bed, letting his hands slip into her brown hair and play with the long strands “And if you want, once this is over, I can take you back to my place. I know right now Alan might try to get to you but as long as I’m here, he won’t reach you. He won’t hurt you from now on. And if you agree, I can treat you to some dinner and maybe go on our first date or… I don’t know. Whatever you want to do is fine by me.” His smiled grew as she nodded, a little smile slowly returning to her face

“I’d love that very much Mr. Stanley.” She replied, gaining a smirk on his face

“Oh I love it when you say that.” He murmured lovingly, holding her and locking her lips in a long but passionate kiss. Grace moved in time with him, slowly grasping his hand in hers, brushing her thumb against his knuckles as his other hand moved from her hair and rested on her cheek. She used her other hand to feel his hairy chest, noticing his heartbeat quicken as they continued for what felt like an eternity with neither wanting to stop. Once they had to stop to catch a breath, Paul’s words slowly came to her and she stared at him confused

“Wait. This place isn’t actually your home?!” He blushed in embarrassment over the question and began to stutter his words. “You motherfucker! You lied to me!” She exclaimed in a joking manner, playfully smacking him in the shoulder, causing the two of them to erupt in laughter.

“What?! I have a video to film! My actual house is a state! Do you want me to show them that?” He asked rhetorically, making the two of them laugh once more. The more the two of them talked and embraced each other, flaws and all, the more her worries melted away

A soft beam of light from a car shines through the bedroom window and she got up to take a look, seeing Alan entering his red sports car with a defeated expression. At first she wanted to reach to him but glanced at Paul, who was fixing the blankets and sheets. He noticed and got up to cuddle with her.

“You think I made the right choice?” She asked and Paul nodded and kissed her on the lips

“As long as you’re happy, thats the main thing.” He murmured softly, his arms wrapping around her shoulders and waist. She watched her past leave her while embracing her future.

She’s no longer feeling alone with someone

——————————————————————————

Tagging: @spacedoutman @doodleborg @criminallyoverrated @starry-eyed-never-satisfied @shandidellamorte @elrohare @peanutbutter-doodles

#kiss band #paul stanley #kissblr #writerscorner #Kissblr writing challenges

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thatlotuscookie · 5 months ago

Note

"Write for any fandom" *waddles over to you politely and offers you a chocolate*

...headcanons for dating Bee and Puppycat characters...? Pretty please with cherries on top??

✧･ﾟ: a/n : first time writing for this, I hope I did everyone justice. Only did a few characters, request again if you want more/something done differently!

✧ Title: ✧ Dating Bee + (Some of) The Wizards ✧ ✧ Characters: Bee, Deckard Wizard, Crispin Wizard, Howell Wizard x Reader (Gender Neutral) ✧ Genre: Romance, Fluff, Comedy, Drama, Hurt/Comfort ✧ Rating: T ✧ Summary: A collection of sweet and humorous headcanons for dating Bee, Deckard, Crispin, and Howell Wizard from Bee and PuppyCat ✧ Content Warnings: Mentions of mental health struggles (depression, anxiety), self-criticism, hallucinations ✧ WC: 3334 words // 19.1k chars

Bee

Spontaneous Adventures Together

Bee’s impulsive nature means your dates are never boring. One moment, you’re on a casual walk, and the next, she’s pulling you into an impromptu trip to a food festival or even a random space adventure. You have to be ready for anything, but it’s always exciting. You might end up in situations that seem chaotic at first, but Bee’s infectious laughter and wide-eyed excitement make it all worth it. Even if it’s just a simple errand, she makes everything feel like an adventure.

Sweet & Simple Moments

Even with all her impulsiveness, Bee’s more tender side shines through in the little things. After a long day, she’ll show up with your favorite snack or bring you a surprise gift (probably something quirky she found while running around). It’s her way of showing she cares. If you ever need to talk, Bee is an excellent listener, though she’s not always the best at offering advice. Instead, she’ll hold your hand or sit beside you in silence, offering comfort through her presence.

Gluttonous Dates

Bee has a serious love for food, and dates with her usually involve a lot of eating. Whether you’re grabbing fast food or going on a dessert binge, she’s always up for devouring something delicious together. Sometimes she’ll drag you to new places she’s heard about, wanting to try all the weird and wonderful things. If it’s a competition to see who can eat the most in one sitting, you’ll definitely lose—she's surprisingly competitive when it comes to food.

Helping Each Other Grow

Bee’s impulsiveness sometimes gets her into trouble, but dating her means learning to go with the flow. If something goes wrong, she’ll be the first to laugh it off and find a way to make the best out of the situation. You both grow together through the ups and downs. She’ll be incredibly loyal and encouraging, cheering you on whenever you take on a new challenge, even if she doesn’t fully understand it herself. Bee is all about supporting you and pushing you to be your best, even if her own ambitions are a little more scattered.

Comforting Her When She’s Stressed

Bee can get overwhelmed sometimes, especially when things don’t go according to plan. When this happens, she’ll act out or shut down for a bit. As her partner, you quickly learn how to calm her down. You’ll find her seeking comfort in small, quiet ways—like sitting in your lap or cuddling close. Bee’s fear of water can even come up during moments of stress, and she might cling to you when near a body of water, just needing your reassurance.

Her Quirky Affection

Bee isn’t the type to declare her love with grand gestures, but her affection is shown in little ways. She might show up with a huge bag of your favorite snacks, or maybe she’ll act as though she’s “dragging” you into a cute, random activity like painting or decorating something together. Her affection is playful, like wrapping herself around you while you’re watching a movie or sneaking in little kisses when you’re both caught up in a moment. Bee doesn’t always need words to show how much she loves you; her actions speak louder.

Fighting, But Always Making Up

Bee can be a little headstrong and impulsive, which means there might be moments when you butt heads. However, Bee’s kindness and loyalty never let her hold a grudge for long. After a fight, she’ll come to you with an apology, usually involving an overeager attempt to make it up with a silly gift or a surprise meal. Even after a heated argument, Bee always finds a way to make the situation lighthearted again. She’ll tell a joke or do something completely random to break the tension, and before you know it, you’re both laughing again.

Quiet, Cozy Nights In

When Bee is tired or feels particularly close to you, she loves simple, cozy nights in. She’ll plop down on the couch with you, snacks in hand, and binge-watch your favorite shows together. If she’s feeling especially affectionate, she’ll rest her head on your shoulder, content to just be with you. Bee doesn’t need big, flashy displays of affection. When you’re alone, she’s happiest just sharing quiet, intimate moments with you, her laughter and warmth filling the room.

Deckard Wizard

Awkward but Sweet Moments

Deckard is incredibly sweet but tends to be awkward when expressing his feelings. Dates with him are full of stammered compliments and nervous laughter, but the effort is always there. If you’re out on a date, he’ll likely trip over his words while trying to tell you how beautiful you look or how nice it is to spend time with you. Despite the awkwardness, his sincerity is clear. You’ll find that even though Deckard is often embarrassed or flustered, he’s always thoughtful and makes an effort to show his care for you.

Flirty and Enthusiastic (But Sometimes Clumsy)

Deckard’s crush on you is evident in how much he flirts, though sometimes it’s more enthusiastic than smooth. He may overdo it, throwing in compliments or trying to impress you, but it’s always with the best intentions. His attempts at romance can sometimes come off as a bit much. Maybe he’ll plan a grand gesture, only to fumble halfway through, spilling something or misjudging the timing, but he’ll always laugh it off and apologize. It’s these imperfections that make him endearing.

Supportive and Protective

One of Deckard’s most charming qualities is his protectiveness. He’s incredibly caring and looks out for you in subtle ways. If anyone criticizes or mocks you (even in a playful manner), Deckard will be quick to defend you. His protective nature is especially apparent when it comes to how people treat you. He’s always there to make sure you’re safe, even if it means going out of his way. If you do something others might find strange, Deckard will turn a blind eye or stand by your side, making sure you feel comfortable and accepted.

Gentle and Caring in Private Moments

While Deckard is a little nervous and clumsy around others, when it’s just the two of you, he’s incredibly gentle and tender. His bedroom, filled with plants, speaks to how much he cares for life and growth. He might bring you a freshly bloomed flower from his plant collection or prepare a warm cup of tea to calm your nerves after a long day. These quiet, intimate moments are where Deckard truly shines. He might stutter while trying to talk about his feelings, but when he says something sweet, you know it comes straight from the heart.

Struggles with His Own Demons

Deckard’s depression, hinted at by his family, can sometimes affect how he interacts with you. He’ll get quiet and distant, and while he never wants to burden you, you might notice him withdrawing occasionally. However, he’s the type to push his own needs aside to make sure you’re okay. On the rare occasion when Deckard does open up, it’s usually after you’ve spent some quiet time together. He’ll apologize for being distant, but you’ll understand that he’s just processing everything in his own way. He might never fully open up, but his actions will show how much he cares for you.

Romantic Gestures, Even if They’re Awkward

Deckard tries hard to impress you with his romantic gestures, even if they don’t always turn out the way he envisions. You might find him in the kitchen attempting to cook something special for you, but half the time he’ll burn the food or spill flour everywhere. Still, he’ll present it with a shy, hopeful smile, eager to see your reaction. He also has a tendency to give you little things that remind him of you, whether it's a cute trinket he found or maybe a flower from one of his plants. These are the things Deckard cherishes the most, showing that he’s always thinking of you.

Flustered, but Endlessly Loyal

Whenever you express affection for him, Deckard gets visibly flustered—blushing, stuttering, and avoiding eye contact, making him even more adorable. He might try to cover his embarrassment with a light-hearted joke or a playful comment, but deep down, he’s thrilled by your attention. He may not always know the best way to express his emotions verbally, but his actions—cooking for you, checking in on you, defending you—speak volumes. You never have to worry about his loyalty; Deckard’s devotion to you is unwavering.

Willing to Push Himself for You

Deckard isn’t the type to give up easily, especially when it comes to you. If there’s something you need, whether it’s emotional support or just a hand with something practical, he’ll go out of his way to help, even if it means stepping outside of his comfort zone. If you have something important you’re working on, he’ll cheer you on, help you stay motivated, and provide any support you need. Deckard might not have the highest self-esteem, but when it comes to you, he’s determined to be the best version of himself and make you proud.

Crispin Wizard

Grumpy Yet Caring

Crispin’s grumpy demeanor is part of who he is, but underneath the surface, he has a deep, almost tender care for you. He’s not one for outward displays of affection, but when he does show it, it’s in his own way—by making sure you're okay, offering you something he made, or subtly looking out for you when you least expect it. His gruff exterior might make him seem distant, but you’ll find that in private, he’s surprisingly thoughtful. He may not say much, but he’ll always make sure you have what you need, even if it’s just quietly sitting near you.

Paranoid but Protective

Crispin's paranoia can be a challenge, but it’s also something that might make you feel oddly protected. If there’s any strange noise in the house, he’s immediately on alert, and you can count on him to investigate—knife in hand, of course. His concern for your safety, though odd, is very real, and he’ll do whatever he can to make sure you’re not in danger. At the same time, you’ll have to reassure him, especially when he’s dealing with hallucinations or fears. He might not always share his anxieties, but when he does, you’ll be there to calm him down. His need to protect you, despite his own mental struggles, speaks to his deeper love for you.

Quick to Anger, But Self-Critical

Crispin has a quick temper, but it’s often directed inward rather than outward. If he makes a mistake or feels like he’s failed, he’s harsh on himself, often spiraling into self-criticism. Dating him means navigating those moments when he feels inadequate, and gently helping him see that he doesn’t have to be perfect. When he’s upset, he might snap at you, but it’s never personal. He often feels like he’s letting people down, especially those he cares about. You’ll need to be patient and understanding during these times, offering him comfort without pushing too hard.

Art as an Expression of Love

Crispin finds solace in his “art” – his quirky, eccentric clown decorations. While it may seem odd to some, these little pieces are a reflection of his inner world and his attempt to make something meaningful. When dating Crispin, you’ll find yourself included in his creative process, whether it’s arranging or adding to his collection of clowns. His art is his way of expressing himself, and sharing that with you means he trusts you deeply. He might even make you something special, or take you to see his latest “masterpiece,” excited to get your reaction.

Silent Support During Hard Times

Despite his grumpiness and occasional detachment, Crispin will always be there for you, though it might not always be in the way you expect. If you're going through a tough time, he won’t overwhelm you with words or grand gestures, but you can count on him to silently stand by you. He may not say much, but his presence is often enough. On the rare occasion that he does open up about his struggles or fears, it’ll be a big moment of vulnerability for him. Be patient with him when he decides to share his thoughts, and know that it’s his way of letting you into his world.

Reluctantly Vulnerable

Crispin is slow to show his vulnerable side, but when he does, it’s often in small, quiet moments. He might shy away from physical affection at first, but if you give him the space he needs, he’ll eventually come around, allowing himself to lean on you. He may not initiate cuddling or holding hands, but when he does, it’s because he’s finally letting down his guard. His touch will be gentle but reserved, but it speaks volumes about how much he’s come to trust you.

Hallucinations and Mental Struggles

Crispin’s auditory hallucinations, especially the distorted voice from Bee’s bike, are something you’ll need to navigate together. When he hears voices or experiences these moments, you’ll need to support him with understanding and care, even when it’s difficult. He’s not always in control of these experiences, and it can be a challenge for him to separate them from reality. You might have to gently remind him that what he’s hearing isn’t real, but in a compassionate way that doesn’t invalidate his feelings. Your reassurance and patience will be crucial, and over time, he’ll appreciate how you make him feel seen and understood during these difficult times.

Rare Moments of Softness

When Crispin feels secure in his relationship with you, you might see rare glimpses of his softer side. He might get a little shy or flustered, especially when complimented or when you show affection. He doesn’t always know how to respond, but you’ll notice him becoming more open, even if it’s just a small gesture like holding your hand or giving you a half-smile. These moments are fleeting but precious, and when they happen, you’ll know he’s beginning to trust you more, letting go of the walls he’s built around himself.

Howell Wizard

A Bit of Vanity, But Deeply Caring

Howell takes immense pride in his appearance, and it’s no surprise that he’s always dressed to impress. He’s meticulous about his looks, and you’ll often catch him admiring himself in mirrors or adjusting his hair. While this could come off as vain, it’s more about how he wants to present himself to the world and maintain a sense of control over his image, especially given the stress he faces. When dating Howell, you’ll notice that his vanity is paired with a deep care for you. While he may obsess over his own looks, he’ll also go the extra mile to make sure you feel appreciated, often surprising you with thoughtful gestures like buying you something special or planning a dinner to make you feel pampered.

Worrying Over Aging

Occasionally Howell’s existential dread about aging is a constant, though he doesn’t let it show to everyone. You’ll see him fussing over the smallest signs of aging, like a wrinkle or gray hair, and it can sometimes get a bit much. However, with you, he’ll let his guard down more. He might bring up his concerns in a more vulnerable moment, though it’s usually wrapped in a bit of humor or self-deprecation. You’ll often have to reassure him that he’s perfect just as he is, helping him come to terms with the fact that aging is a natural part of life. He may not always take it well, but your gentle support helps him navigate these worries.

Perfectionist

Howell’s perfectionism is both a blessing and a curse. He wants everything to be just right, especially when it comes to his business—the cat café. He’ll spend hours obsessing over the smallest details, like arranging the furniture or choosing the perfect menu. When dating Howell, you’ll see this perfectionism spill into how he treats you, too. He might plan elaborate dates or surprise you with thoughtful, but sometimes over-the-top, gestures. His love language is acts of service, so expect him to go above and beyond to make you feel cared for—even if it sometimes leads to him being a bit stressed out or tired from all the planning.

Stressed But Still Tries to Be Fun

The cat café isn’t doing well, and it weighs heavily on Howell. He’s always running around trying to fix things, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t know how to have fun. He might need a little push to let loose, but once he does, his fun-loving side shines through. When you go out on a date with him, it’ll often start with his usual stress about work, but as the night goes on, he’ll relax more and become more playful. You might catch him cracking a joke or laughing at something silly, though it takes time for him to let his worries go. Your presence and patience help him unwind, and that’s when you’ll see his true self—the one that’s funny, charming, and full of warmth.

Frustration With Bee’s Shenanigans

Bee’s antics, especially at the cat café, often frustrate Howell. She tends to eat the food she’s supposed to serve, and her lack of attention to detail drives him crazy. However, even with his irritation, you’ll notice that Howell never completely loses his patience with her. If you’re around when this happens, he might vent to you about Bee’s latest shenanigans, but you can tell there’s a soft spot for her underneath it all. He doesn’t show it often, but he does care for her and his family, and he’ll confide in you about how much he worries for them—especially when the business isn’t doing well. You’ll be the sounding board he needs, and he’ll appreciate your understanding.

Occasional Meltdown

Howell’s perfectionism and stress can sometimes push him to the brink of a meltdown. When things go wrong, whether it’s the café business or his aging concerns, Howell can become emotionally overwhelmed, though he tries to maintain composure. When this happens, he’ll retreat inwardly, but you’ll be the one he turns to. He might not always ask for help, but you’ll notice when he’s having a hard time and be there to support him. Your calm and caring presence will help him regain his composure, and over time, Howell will open up more to you, learning that it’s okay to let his guard down sometimes.

Slightly Flamboyant, Adorably Awkward

Howell’s flamboyant personality can be endearing, and when he’s in the right mood, he’s a bit of a showman. He enjoys impressing people, especially you, and will often go all out to make sure he’s noticed. While he takes pride in his appearance, it’s also a reflection of his need for validation, something you can help him with when he feels insecure. Despite his confidence in some areas, he can also be awkward, especially when it comes to showing affection. He might get flustered when you compliment him or do something sweet, and you’ll see a side of him that is more humble and unsure. His little quirks make him all the more charming.

Little Acts of Care Behind the Scenes

Howell may seem like he’s always putting on a show, but there’s so much more going on behind the scenes. When you date him, you’ll notice the little things he does to care for you. He’ll go out of his way to make sure you’re comfortable, maybe offering you a blanket when you’re cold or making sure you get home safely after a night out. Despite his focus on his own worries and image, Howell has a big heart. He just expresses it in his own way, through those quiet, thoughtful moments when he’s not trying to impress anyone. You’ll learn to appreciate the depth of his feelings, even if he’s not always vocal about them.

#bee and puppycat #puppycat #bee #headcanons #cartoon #cartoon characters #web #crispin wizard #deckard wizard #howell wizard

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weaveandwood · 1 year ago

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Weave and Woods Chapter Four: One with the Weave

Gale/Named Tav | Slow Burn | Read on AO3 | Entire Work

Summary:

Gale tells all, the tieflings throw a party, and Auroria has an overactive imagination.

Auroria leaned back against the tree trunk, the warm late afternoon light filtering through the leaves from her seat several branches up. Whenever her mind was racing, she had always taken to the trees. Being above her problems helped her work through them. Problem number one: she couldn’t stop thinking about a wizard Problem number two: said wizard slept with a goddess Problem number three: said wizard could erupt Problem number four: did she mention the goddess?

To say the tieflings were overjoyed would be an understatement. Word traveled fast. By the time the group returned to the grove, a crowd awaited them, cheering as they crested the final hill before the entrance. A familiar face found its way to the front of the throng - Zevlor. He told them that a scout had recently arrived and informed the tiefling refugees that the leadership at the goblin camp had been decimated, explaining the mood, all while attempting to hand Auroria a small patchworked bag of gold.

“Thank you, but I can’t take this, this is too much,” she said, trying to pass the bag back to him. She heard Astarion mutter behind her that he would gladly take it and they should get a reward since they almost died.

“No, no, you must - we took up a collection and everyone freely donated what they wanted. Do not feel guilty about taking what you have earned, though it truly isn't what you deserve. It was no doubt a tough battle against many formidable foes.” He placed his hands on both her shoulders. “We can finally leave! No armies at our heels, we may make it to Baldur’s Gate,” the older tiefling practically beamed at the prospect of putting this grove and these druids behind him.

“Alright then, since you insist,” Auroria smiled and placed the small bag of coins in her pack to distribute evenly across the group later. “When will you leave for the city?”

“In the next day, to get ahead of any reinforcements. But we needn’t talk about farewells now. We’d like to join you in your camp this evening, if you’ll have us, to celebrate you and all the good you have done for us since your arrival to the grove.”

Auroria nodded, “Of course! That sounds great, thank you Zevlor.”

“Perfect! We will bring everything: food, wine, and good spirits. I believe even Halsin wants to join in. We will see you there later,” he nodded and walked off, leaving the adventurers in the clearing.

“Well, what do you all say to a well-deserved night off?” She smiled brightly, turning to her group, her friends, as they all raucously cheered to what would likely be a night to remember.

The only person more overjoyed than the tieflings was Gale. This day was turning out even brighter than the cloudless blue skies overhead.

******

“I need to speak to all of you. It would remain unconscionable to remain silent on this matter. You need to know who I was. What I really am.”

“Gale, the sun’s just barely come up, what is so urgent?” Astarion whined - he preferred to stay in his tent until the sun was higher in the sky and breakfast was prepared.

Auroria crossed her arms. “Let him talk.” A look of concern flashed across her face, Gale noticed, betraying her authoritative tone. Not 10 minutes ago, she was baring her soul to him and now he may be on the brink of losing both her and everyone else’s trust that was just so recently and fragilely won. His anxiety spiked. Still, it must be done.

Gale told them all about his past. His connection to Mystra, from being her Chosen, to her lover, then being abandoned by her. He spoke of his studies, his deep ambition to further manipulate the Weave, his search for a book to return a missing part of magic to her, making her love him again and allowing him more access to the Weave. He looked at Auroria, whose eyes were slightly widened. She was always so expressive.

“Let me show you.” He took her hand, holding it on his chest, directly over his heart. The tattoo glowed a faint purple. He opened his mind to her, the parasites allowing him to share his memory from his point of view - a book, opening and showing no pages, only a swirling mass of the darkest, blackest Weave. The mass clawing its way into his body. The feeling of eternal hunger.

Auroria yanked her hand away, gasping, the connection severed as her eyes darted back and forth between his. “How are you still alive?”

He went through it all - the need for magical artefacts, the consequences of not consuming enough Weave. The explosive end he and many innocents would face if that came to pass. He looked at the group, all silent with wide eyes as they took in who - no what - they had found themselves saddled with. Insecurity washed over him and he looked at the ground, unable to make eye contact.

“This must feel like such a betrayal. I should have told you sooner. Say the word, and we’ll part ways.”

A voice finally spoke up. One that he was finding himself always hoping to hear.

“What? Absolutely not! You are a part of the group, Gale. A very invaluable one, and not just for your magic. You will travel on with us,” Auroria nodded her head once. She turned on her heel and walked away, not hearing or caring if anyone had anything else to say.

Karlach walked over to the wizard and smiled as everyone started making their way back to their tents for a little more sleep before heading to the Emerald Grove. “Maybe we should start an explosive hearts club, Gale! What do you say?”

******

Problem number one: she couldn’t stop thinking about a wizard Problem number two: said wizard slept with a goddess Problem number three: said wizard could erupt Problem number four: did she mention the goddess?

Times like these, she wished she had a stronger connection to the gods. It would be so nice to be able to pray and ask for clarity. Believing that they cared, that they would give guidance on how to live your life, solve your problems…how much easier would it be than to have to figure out your own shit with your own brain?

She sighed and plucked a small acorn from the tree, twirling it between her fingers. She relied on nature to calm her thoughts, as it so often did. A flock of small birds flew by. The wind rustled in the trees surrounding her. A twig snapped, drawing her attention.

Gale.

She was going to have to train him on how to move more quietly. Still, she observed him quietly from her vantage point. He was carrying a book, as usual, but it seemed like he was also looking for something, or maybe someone. He, along with everyone else, had changed into their camp gear as there was no need for armor and weapons on a day off. His sleeves were pushed up and she could see his forearms, veins running from his hands to disappear under his sleeves at the elbows. She wanted to trace each one with her fing - stop it, she thought to herself, forcing her brain to move on. She looked at his hair, warm brown and falling in waves to his shoulders. It looked soft. She wondered how he would react if she ran her fingers through - no, definitely not. Her eyes caught on the silver earring he always wore, the faint lines from the orb running up to his eyes. Remember. Goddess.

He turned, this time looking up and spotting her, raising a hand in greeting. “I was wondering where you’d gone off to!” He said, raising his voice so it would reach her.

She gave him a half smile in return and tossed the acorn to him. “You found me, though I could hear you coming from a mile away. We might need to work on that.”

He caught it, examining it between his long, elegant fingers. Stop thinking about his hands. “One doesn’t need to sneak often if they’re talented enough in spell work, and you happen to be in the presence of one of the best, remember?” he smiled up at her.

“Oh, how could I forget?” She laughed, “You do like to remind us so often.” She started to climb down the branches when she felt a cool sensation all over her body, then the sensation of being lighter than she should be. She looked at Gale, his hand glowing faintly with the remnants of a spell.

“Gale, did you cast feather fall on me?” She took advantage of it and dropped the 20 feet to the ground instead of navigating the trees. “You know I’ve been climbing trees for over 30 years, I think I can safely get down from a mere 20 feet.”

He looked sheepish, the tips of his ears turning pink. “No disrespect to your climbing prowess, I just thought that on a day off and so close to the tieflings’ arrival, you’d like to remain sweat and exertion free.”

“Well, sometimes being sweaty isn’t all that bad, in the right circumstance - “ she stopped herself abruptly, not meaning to say that out loud. It was her turn for her cheeks to turn pink with mild embarrassment. She cleared her throat, nodding her head towards his book. “Well, it uh…looks like you want to be alone with your reading. I’ll leave you to it - see you at the party tonight!” She awkwardly finished, turning around and hastily making a beeline back to camp.

What the hells was that?

******

The camp was in a joyous mood. Wine had started to flow and everyone was mingling. The tieflings had delivered upon their promise - there was wine, food, and everyone was in a good mood. A great mood, even. No one seemed to be happier than Auroria, Gale noticed. He had taken a bottle of wine and a plate of food back to his tent, content to spend the latter half of the evening relaxing, reading, and enjoying comforts that reminded him of his home in Waterdeep. He could not help watching her though. Everyone wanted to talk to her, including him. She was magnetic. Friendly to a fault, even after suffering so much loss and experiencing so much solitude. He was certain her comment earlier today had been solely banter and innuendo between friends, to grow their camaraderie, but part of him couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like to be sweaty with her in the right circumstance, as she implied. To hold her hands, feel her fingers on his skin, her full lips against his. He shook his head. No, she is just kind, and you are misreading the situation.

Still, it had pleased him to no end when she accepted his invitation to a private lesson in magic when the party ran its course. He smiled to himself, flipping through the pages of a book. He owed her for that kindness. What would he show her this evening? He knew she didn’t like to rely on magic herself, but how much stronger would she be if she knew a few more spells to enhance her ranging ability? Could he even help her with that? The thought of spending more time alone with her sent a rush of excitement through him, causing a faint throb to emanate from his orb.

Inhale…exhale…calm yourself. He repeated the mantra to himself.

She is kind, and you are content being her friend.

******

Auroria was well and truly buzzed, laughing out loud at Karlach’s comment about cracking Gale’s spine like a new book. “Hells, Karlach, we need to get your engine tamed so you can get laid. That is our new top priority, forget the tadpoles!” They both laughed, wiping tears from their eyes. Maybe Shadowheart had given her too much liquid courage earlier after joking about how cozy she had been getting with Gale lately.

She had to admit she was anticipating the magical lesson Gale had promised her earlier this evening. Certainly, knowing him, it would actually be a lesson in magic, but still…the thought of spending time alone with him was growing on her. Though if she was honest with herself, from the moment he tumbled out of the rock and landed on her, she had felt a magnetic pull to him. Something she couldn’t explain. She shook her head. Introspection and wine were never a good combination, especially with a wine as cheap as the one she was currently drinking.

Slowly, the night grew darker and more silent as everyone started to turn in for the night. Some alone, some in pairs. Some she didn’t expect - was Wyll going with Lae’zel? Interesting. She had finished her wine ages ago, content to listen to the hum of partygoers and watch the fire crackle. When she noticed she was alone, she got up and made her way over to Gale’s tent, her stomach swarming with butterflies. She smiled to herself when she first saw him - bathed in silver light from a small conjuration of the portrait of a woman in his hands. A beautiful woman, at that. She couldn’t help but feel the slightest twinge of jealousy.

“Pretty,” she said as she walked up behind him, trying to keep her voice cool and collected with no hint of disappointment.

“Oh! You startled me,” he waved his hand, the illusion disappearing. “Apologies, I was miles away.” An accurate statement. He seemed sad. Distant.

“Everything okay?”

“Of course, just, uh, just practicing an incantation.” Lies , she thought.

“Now I don’t know much about magic, but you don’t look at a practice incantation the way you just were,” she teased. “Who was that?” She remembered his confessions from that morning. “Is that Mystra? I didn’t realize you were so devoted, still. After everything.”

He sighed. “Magic is…well it’s my life. I’ve been in touch with the Weave for as long as I can remember, maybe even longer. And Mystra, she is magic. There is nothing like the Weave - it’s music, poetry, the arts all rolled up into one and given expression through the senses. Do you want to experience it? I want to show you. To thank you, for… for everything. Your generosity with magical artefacts, your selflessness in allowing me to remain with our group, your fierceness in battle, pulling me out of that portal. Everything.”

Auroria crossed her arms, though she was touched at his sincerity. “Alright, show me what you've got, wizard,” she smirked, egging him on. “This should be interesting, since magic is so far down the list of things I am good at”

“I have been meaning to ask about that - why do you shy away from utilizing and learning more spells that would enhance your abilities?” He asked. She could feel the curiosity in his voice, as if she was another riddle for him to untangle. Not tonight .

“That’s a story for another day. Let’s not ruin a perfectly good night of drinking with sad stories.”

He nodded, “Well then, follow my lead.” He made a series of elegant, well-practiced movements with his arms and hands, pushing them forward at the last, a glowing purple ball erupting from it, sparkling in the dark. “Now you try.”

Auroria shook her hands, trying to ease her nerves, then repeated the movements. She definitely did not look as graceful as he did, clunky and stiff in her actions, but to her surprise, she did it. She felt around her a strange aura - like a kind word and a kind touch were wrapping around her at the same time. She was warm and comfortable. A feeling she wasn’t used to when magic was involved. She looked at Gale, who looked equally as impressed.

“Excellent, now repeat after me.” An incantation. Lucky for her, he spoke it slowly enough that she was able to retain the syllables and repeat it as well as she could. Not as fluently of course, but a fine effort. She tasted sweetness on the back of her tongue and smelled rosewater in the air. This must be a sliver of the Weave.

“Now, picture the concept of harmony in your mind, as true a picture as you can.” She nodded, instantly picturing a place of total peace in the middle of a forest high in the canopy. A ribbon of purple light surrounded the two of them. She felt…safe. Auroria looked at Gale, who looked like he may explode with pride.

“You did it! You channeled the Weave! How does it feel?” He laughed, the light from the Weave bathing him in a faint purple glow.

“Effortless. You are a very good teacher, Gale.” She smiled as he nodded, agreeing with her that yes, he was a good teacher. They both stood there, watching the ribbon of light, taking in the feeling of the Weave. It felt so intimate, as if Auroria were to imagine anything, Gale would be able to see it as if they were one. She looked at him, his eyes widened in awe of what she was able to do, what he was able to teach her in one lesson. His profile illuminated. Gods, what I wouldn’t give to kiss him right now. She imagined standing in front of him and placing a kiss on his lips, tenderly at first, then with growing passion. Wait, no, stop thinking about that. Shit!

He looked at her “I…I didn’t..think…” he stammered. Auroria realized they really were connected when she felt embarrassment, nervousness, and then…elation coming from Gale. He smiled at her. “I wasn’t expecting that, I’m sorry. But it is a pleasing image to be sure! Most pleasing. Most welcome, in fact.”

The Weave evaporated.

“Oh, there it goes,” he said, dejected. “How easily things slip away from us.” Was it the end of the lesson or the end of Mystra’s presence around him making him feel this way? He cleared his throat and put on a gentlemanly air. “Good night, I enjoyed sharing this moment of magic with you.” He smiled as he went back inside his tent, closing the flap.

The night felt colder than it did before she went to Gale’s tent, though whether that was from her own embarrassment or an effect of the magic leaving, she couldn’t say. She went back to her own tent, smiling as she crawled into her bedroll. Gale’s admission that the thought of kissing her was pleasant and welcome running through her mind as her buzz wore off and she fell into a peaceful sleep.

Across camp, a wizard dreamed of kissing a ranger.

#gale of waterdeep #gale x tav #named tav #gale x auroria #auroria galanodel #bg3 fanfiction #gale fanfic #bg3 gale #bg3 oc #gale x tav slow burn #my writing #my screenshots #weave and woods #weave and woods fic

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oneunexpected · 2 years ago

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This, I think, is my best chapter-by-chapter playlist so far, especially in the last eight or so songs. It's for Marks of Secret, and I hope you all enjoy! Listen along here.

1 - Symphony no. 5, mvt II by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky - This is a looooong chapter. It mostly establishes where Gregor’s family is at after the events of Curse of the Warmbloods. I didn’t really have a song in mind for it, and I still don’t. Maybe one day I’ll come back and change this, but for now it’s the second movement from Tchaikovsky’s second movement, because it’s got a little sadness, a little contentedness, a random jumpscare (like the Bane), and this chapter has all of that.

2 - Paranoid Android by Radiohead - The Bane is moody and unstable and so is this song! When Thom Yorke sings, “When I am king, you will be first against the wall,” I think about the Bane and Ripred. Another line I like is “Ambition makes you look pretty ugly / Kicking, screaming Gucci little piggy.” Pearlpelt’s our Gucci little piggy, deluded on all the things Twirltongue’s promised him.

3 - No Surprises by Radiohead - Back to back Radiohead! I struggled with this choice because this chapter covers a lot and has three pretty distinct tonal shifts. I related the line “A job that slowly kills you” to Gregor’s increasing anxieties about his role as the Warrior, both in regards to Ripred’s request he help him kill the Bane, and the specter of the next prophecy, which he asks Nerissa about. The song’s lyrical content is pretty dark, but the tune is sorta peaceful, so I hope this song doesn’t take you out of the chapter’s happier moments.

4 - Rhiannon by Fleetwood Mac - I wanted a song about some sort of dark temptress for Twitchtip. I don’t know many. It was either this or Jolene, and Jolene doesn’t seem quite as shadowy as Rhiannon does, so here we are.

5 - May I Have This Dance by Francis and the Lights ft. Chance the Rapper - This song is so sweet, and so is this chapter. It’s about setting down any burdens you carry to just enjoy someone’s company.

6 - Cover Me by Björk - “This is really dangerous / Cover me” are good lines for the first time Luxa really ever asks anything of Gregor. I chose this version over the album version because I like the arrangement more, but you’re welcome to check out the other version, or the remix, which is longer.

7 - You’ve Been Flirting Again by Björk - Luxa and Gregor fight a ton in this book, and I could have chosen this song for any one of those times, but process of elimination sort of led me here. The last verse in particular, “How you reacted was right” followed by “Give her some time, give her some space,” fit well in this chapter. You can almost hear Ares telling Gregor that in the dialogue.

8 - Reptilia by The Strokes - While I chose it mostly just because it sounds like a fitting song for a combat scene, I like the repeating prechorus lines, “Please don’t slow me down if I’m going too fast / You’re in a strange part of our town.” Seemed like good lines for Gregor’s out of control raging here. Lyrically, there’s plenty here to imply the narrator is sort of struggling with himself, and that his partner (or whoever he’s addressing in the song) is losing patience with him, which fit close enough with the aftermath of what Gregor does here.

9 - Just a Game by Birdie - My obligatory Hunger Games soundtrack song for this book. Chose this song for the date subterfuge — Gregor doesn’t know how much of his quick lie reflects how he really feels.

10 - Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap - “All those years / They were here first.” You might know this song from the Lonely Island/SNL digital short “Dear Sister,” one of the greatest gifts to the internet, or from its sample in Jason Derulo’s 2009 classic “Whatcha Say.” Mysterious, creepy, heartbroken, it’s everything I wanted for the picnic bunch investigating the Fount.

11 - Earth by Sleeping at Last - This is probably a little on the nose, since this is a song that uses an earthquake as an extended metaphor, but I think lyrically it works with Luxa really well here. She’s got her tough walls, but like the narrator saying, “Fault lines tremble underneath my glass house / but I put it out of my mind / long enough to call it courage / to live without a lifeline,” this is the chapter where she learns she has to rely on the people in her life, namely her cousins. She needs Hazard the same way Gregor needs Boots. But she needs Howard, too, because as tough as she is, sometimes she needs someone to take care of her sometimes.

12 - Your Best American Girl by Mitski - Gregor and Luxa talk about the date subterfuge, and they both sort of mutually imply that if they weren’t (very literally) living opposite lives, they’d be interested in one another. This song captures that sort of cultural divide and yearning in spite of it.

13 - Shout by Tears for Fears - I’m jumping the shark. I had no clue what to use here. I went with this to try to represent Howard as a moral compass. I got nothing.

14 - Running to Stand Still by U2 - Consider this my return to form, because this was a song I knew I wanted to use from the beginning. This song is about a woman in a lot of turmoil deciding that she’s “gotta do something about where we’re going,” and, well, this chapter is about that, too. On a personal note, this song has been one of my favorites since I was a child, and I really hope you enjoy it. The last verse is so haunting: “She is raging, she is raging / And the storm blows up in her eyes / She will suffer the needle chill / She’s running to stand still.” Luxa’s decision is going to have horrific consequences. But in her eyes, it’s what’s necessary to finally be still.

15 - Joan of Arc by Arcade Fire - Luxa is the Joan of Arc in question here, the Regalian’s “muse,” as the song puts it. Gregor’s upset with Luxa, and he questions his place in the upcoming war, which I thought fit well with “I’m the one with the heavy heart / ‘Cause I’ll follow you.”

16 - The Ruler and the Killer by Kid Cudi - Thank you once again to the Hunger Games for delivering me a song about themes Suzanne used in both series. This is a great song for the version of the Bane we see in this chapter, who is a compelling orator rallying his troops to do something unspeakably evil — even though we don’t know the extent of his atrocity yet. “When I talk, you should listen / All of you belong to me / Come on, we should get it going / Now what I want is specific, hey hey.”

17 - Butchered Tongue by Hozier - How kind of Hozier to release this song last week! We learn a little more about the extent of the Regalians’ colonizing behavior here, and since that’s done largely through discussing the different languages in the Underland (and how not knowing English can be a death sentence for other creatures, as it nearly was for the Scorpions), I thought this song was a good fit. Also, it sounds cool.

18 - Ribs by Lorde - I chose this song for the moment Luxa and Gregor have here, when they’re just enjoying one another’s company, feeling very far from the war waiting for them. Gregor reminds himself soon he’ll leave her land forever, but it’s no comfort. Lorde laughs with a favorite friend “‘til her ribs get tough,” but like Gregor, she knows “that will never be enough” to sustain their relationship in the face of lost innocence and the passage of time.

19 - Redbone by Childish Gambino - Since this song is about paranoia in a relationship and the sense of being surveilled (or even stalked), I chose it for the discussion about the rats that attacked Gregor under the palace, and Luxa and Howard’s anger at Ripred and Gregor for not taking the gnawers’ omnipresent threat.

20 - The Night We Met by Lord Huron - This is Gregor and Luxa’s biiiig fight, the one that clues in Ripred to Gregor’s attraction to Luxa. I chose this song for Gregor’s haymaker, the suggestion that Luxa and Gregor could forget that they ever met each other, mirrored in the repeating line, “Take me back to the night we met.” I also like the lyrics, “I am not the only traveler / Who has not repaid his debt.” When he’s cooling down from the fight, Gregor thinks about how much he and Luxa owe each other, how interconnected their lives have become and that reminds me of those lines.

21 - Never Tear Us Apart by INXS - I think this is a good song about the relationship bonds have and their devotion to one another. I particularly like it for Ares and Gregor, especially because the chorus reminds me of the circumstances of their bonding. “I was standing / You were there / Two worlds collided / And they could never tear us apart.” This chapter is one of the most important moments for Ares and Gregor’s relationship. Ares has to give his trust up completely to Gregor to “let him fly for a change,” as Gregor says, and I think Gregor’s behavior is so touching, whether for his insistence that he be the one to bring Ares in, or the way he rambles reassurances to keep Ares calm. Ares begging Gregor not to leave him is like a punch to the stomach every time I read it. I wanted this chapter’s song to reflect how unshakable their relationship has become.

22 - O Children by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds - I won’t try to analyze this song too much because I’d be here too long, but I encourage you guys to go read the lyrics to it, because I think they’re all impactful. One of the verses that led to my selection was “Poor old Jim’s white as a ghost / He’s found the answer we lost / We’re all weeping now, weeping because / There ain’t nothing we can do to protect you.” I see Cartesian as Jim, finally getting the horrific proof of what he always suspected — the gnawers are trying to kill all of the nibblers.

23 - Mothers of the Disappeared by U2 - This song was written about the Madres de Plaza de Mayo, the mothers of the activists and political dissidents forcibly disappeared — that is to say, kidnapped, tortured and murdered — by the United States-backed Argentine military junta that ruled from 1976 to 1983. I encourage you all to read about the Madres, because they were remarkable, and if you’re American, I think this is a historical event you need to know about. I think it is up there among the worst things this country has ever been responsible for. But I digress. I chose this song for its lyrics, a very poetic depiction of witnessing political violence, and the beautiful expression of grief in the music. The last two verses are haunting: “Night hangs like a prisoner [God, what a line] / Stretched over black and blue / Hear their heartbeats / We hear their heartbeats / In the trees, are sons stand naked / Through the walls, our daughters cry / See their tears / In the rainfall.” The picnic squad are the only witnesses of what’s happened, the only ones left to “hear their heartbeats,” and it sets the course for the rest of the series — and really, each one of their lives.

24 - The Unforgettable Fire by U2 - On the nose, but I chose this song to use the volcano itself as the unforgettable fire in question. “Walk on by, walk on through / Walk ‘til you run / And don’t look back / For here / I am” reminded me of Gregor when he’s trying to find the rest of his party or a way out of the ash or… anything, really, to save him from his situation. I don’t know what I’d interpret the “I” to be in that situation. The nibblers? The volcano? His despair? It all seemed to fit.

25 - Fly On by Coldplay - When Pandora dies, Luxa tells Howard that she’ll “fly with him always,” which is what reminded me of this song. The song goes, “Fly on, right through / Maybe one day I’ll fly next to you,” which to me fit well with Howard teaching Hazard how to carry the memory of his loved ones.

26 - Orphans by Coldplay - I don’t know why it seems like any time I use the same artist more than once for one book, I use them back-to-back, but I love this song for this book. Get ready for some serious lyrical dissonance. It’s a happy-sounding song, but it’s about how war tears lives apart. I chose it for the refrain, “I guess we’ll be raised on our own, then / ‘Cause I wanna be with you ‘til the world ends / I wanna be with you ‘til the whole world ends,” which reminds me of Gregor and Luxa at the end of this chapter. The idea of kids who sort of have to raise themselves fits well for both of them, too.

27 - Trouble in Town by Coldplay - Okay, I know three in a row is a little ridiculous. I mostly liked the way this song sounded for Gregor and Ares speeding back to Regalia to warn the city about the impending attack, and because it’s from the same album as “Orphans,” it was already on the brain.

#gregor the overlander #underland chronicles #tuc20 #tuc20: mos #marks of secret

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id0what1want · 3 months ago

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Hi so where the hell is Tetra

Tetra has been missing from my posts and here is to amending that 🙏

Hiiiii!! looking through my posts I'm realizing that Tetra has been underwatered, and I haven't posted HER timeline either! So here is a basic rundown of Tetra's story!

ACT ONE - THE FIFTH

Tetra is introduced and we see her as the horrendously shy 4th Elite Four member that hides behind Lacey and Amarys during most of her introductions. We see her take on a challenger and her pretty bad anxiety about losing, which causes her to slip up multiple times, but said anxiety also makes her lock tf in at the last minute and she sweeps.

This arc is basically Tetra's life as a BB Elite Four member, there's a bunch of filler here and there cuz it's teenager friend group being a teenager friend group

We see a couple of the cracks in Tetra's shyness, the most telltale example being a scene where someone slips and falls in the water in the Coastal Biome but it's during the artificial high tide and the waves are kicked up. Before anyone can pull out a pokemon, Tetra sheds the jacket around her waist and dives in, saving the poor soul that fell in and fishing him out. It's here where it becomes revealed that Tetra is super partial to the water and is a fantastic swimmer, something the 4 didn't know up until this point

Kieran returns from Kitakami.

The change in rankings is going quick and Tetra is SWEATING. She's the first on the chopping block and really starts to grind out strategy to counter Kieran's team.

The Kieran arc starts to show off the battle savvy tactician in Tetra. She and Kieran actually aren't on terrible terms and there's a lot of mutual respect, even when Kieran calls out that the only reason Tetra lost is her apparent lack of a spine. If she had an inkling of confidence, she might have stood a chance, but her nerves and terrible self-esteem cost her the win and her spot on the Elite Four

Kieran's words REALLLLYYYYY make her think. Something has felt off for a long time, but she's always been too scared to change- scared to move down the ranks, scared to move up. She'd rather remain frozen- but if she wants to get better, she can't do that. For the first time, Tetra has ambition again

Tetra and Drayton have a very weird friendship/rivalry. They are Dragon and Ice specialists after all, they're bound to clash. Drayton, however, really was banking on Tetra winning against Kieran and was actually surprised when she lost. He's the first person to find her after the match and he's the first person she admits to considering trying out Water-type Pokémon to. Drayton actually comforts her... in his own way.

The arc continues with the rest of the 4 dropping one by one and Tetra only able to watch without being able to help. She's also throwing all of her training matches against the 4 at the last minute- she's still afraid of taking one of their slots and ranking up.

Drayton's match is up, the champion challenge. He puts on a cool face going in, but for once, Tetra sees him shiver. She takes a page from his book and puts her freezing hands on the back of his neck, jolting him out of his nerves. She threatens that if he looks like a loser out there, she's gonna cheer for Kieran. Drayton laughs, much looser as she walks into the stands and him into the arena.

The battle is a nailbiter. By the end, Tetra, shy, reserved Tetra, is SCREAMING cheering for Drayton in the stands, the rest of the 4 desperately cheering him on. Drayton is battling for the whole 4 at this point, to preserve what they've got. Kieran and Drayton made a deal that if Drayton won, Kieran would fuck off until he was ready to challenge again since Kieran wouldn't settle for an Elite Four seat- he would only settle for the throne.

Of course, we know how this battle ends

It's almost surreal to Tetra, watching everything slip through her fingers. She confronts Drayton, looking like she's going to rant at him like usual but... she runs off, crying

Tetra feels insanely guilty. She was the first domino. If only she was stronger...

It's my hc that every new champ is celebrated with a 'Coronation Prom' and while Kieran doesn't really care, the school is gonna hold one anyway. Tetra doesn't plan on going- she's too afraid to ask the person she wants to go with anyway

Lacey drags her dress shopping, using Clays's card. Lacey ends up buying her a dress, therefore bribing her into going. There's a funny moment where the whole League calls Lacey out for being underhanded and she's like "What? Do you want Tetra there or not?"

They end up going and this is how everyone learns that Tetra can dance. Lacey knew because of how often they hang out, but everybody else assumed that since Tetra was so clumsy, that she couldn't possibly dance

Drayton and Tetra essentially have a Lovely Night (La La Land) moment on the pier. This scene reveals that Drayton was actually going to ask Tetra to be his date, but saw her having such a fun night and didn't wanna bring it down (ALSO NON-POMPADOUR DRAYTON MAKES AN APPEARANCE)

Tetra reveals at the afterparty (Crispin invites the 4 to eat food in his dorm after) that she's taking leave from school and going home for a while. Everyone is shocked and Tetra explains that she needs time to figure out who she is without the League, cuz she started to rely on it for her identity and strength, which she's grateful for still, but she needs to know who she is under everything

Drayton acts okay but is NOT. Tetra is one of his best friends and that friendship took ages to build. And he feels like he's at fault cuz he thinks that if he had won, Tetra would still be an Elite Four member

They give her a proper sendoff at the pier and Drayton takes a deep breath, handing her a pokeball with a very carefully planned Luvdisc inside

"Drayton, is this... a Horsea...?"

Dumbass grabbed the wrong ball when he left his room in the morning

(I'm thinking either Horsea or Skrelp, I'm thinking Skrelp??? idk)

At the last minute, Tetra shouts out from the boat a confession that she thinks Drayton IS really cool and that she's sorry she never said it sooner

Tetra and Drayton+the 4 part, neither Tetra or Drayton addressing how they feel

AND that's act one! I'm planning for Tetra and Drayton to be a 'one that got away' type deal. Will they get together? Idk, honestly, idk. If they do it's going to be the slowest burning will-they-won't-they hell ever.

I love my awkward goober Tetra, she's a weird fish I love her <3 She will return, not to worry

#tetra pokemon #pokemon sv #the indigo disk #pokemon oc #drayton pokemon

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stardust-in-my-mind-blog · 5 months ago

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yearning spirals

I've been learning how to want things again

naturally I'm someone who likes to be inspired

I'm pretty particular when it comes to my desires

and my sensitivity tends to limit certain things

I've never been the kind to chase after things

if like doesn't attract like then I lose interest

why would I want something that doesn't want me?

but the situation I left recently mixed things up for me

I'm told the situation is called "punitive control"

the word comes from latin and means "to punish"

and that's exactly what happened to me

over the course of four years pretty consistently

and it was so difficult to identify and name

I just knew that I felt wrong and guilty for wanting

things that had been given so freely before

and that sometimes it was easier to just not

want anything because then I wouldn't get hurt

if I tried to talk about something that made me sad

I'd be blamed for the situation and my feelings

if I struggled and asked for help

I'd be told how badly I'd fucked up to get there

when I made mistakes I'd be told how I always made them

I knew no matter what I did the interaction

was going to hurt and I'd end up feeling worse

I had to shut everything down to survive

and I wasn't surviving well because I stopped

being a person but failed at being the robot

yesterday when he came over unexpectedly

knowing that his presence makes me anxious

all of those feelings hit me like train

with lots of carts full of heavy things

they just kept coming and coming and coming

and I know he got pleasure out of the intimidation

everything he did seemed to be motivated

by his desire to control me to soothe his own anxiety

and I don't do very well under someone's thumb

takes all of me not to bite it off

I kept the peace for as long as I could

I got out of the situation

but now that he doesn't have his usual supply

he's ramped up the demanding and guilt tripping

I've gotten pretty good at ignoring him

or confronting him in a way that shows my own power

but I still have to soothe myself when I get triggered

remind myself again that that right people

would never made me feel bad for wanting things

or having my own goals or ambitions

but sometimes I still feel ashamed for desiring

I can feel embarrassed for being seen yearning

I can get embarrassed for having feelings at all

because I was so often punished for them

and I happen to be a rather emotional gal

so it really did a number on me to heal

from that nightmare of an experience

but I try to be kind to myself now

and understand where the manipulation happened

how I was blind and what I know to look for now

I'm not easy to trap like that and it took a lot

of extreme circumstances to get me there

I made the best of it and still am

but when I was thrown right back into that survival mind

all I could remember was everything I had to escape

luckily I've had many good experiences to help teach me

that I'm pretty difficult to fuck with and that people

are mostly great and get messy in intimate relationships

especially if they aren't interested in growing

or seeing their part or wanting to understand

I relearned what safety is and trust the wisdom of my body

and I hate when I slip back into that dangerous mindset

but I try to remind myself of the better things until

my psyche relaxes her grip on my senses

she's just trying to protect me and she did a good job

I'm here and kicking aren't I?

I'm been learning how to ask for what I want

and learning how to want what I want

without feeling bad for wanting it

accepting care and marveling in positive interactions

I still get a little spooked and sometimes I find myself

wanting to run away when I get too overstimulated

but it's all so much better than it was

and the goal isn't to never get triggered

it's to see when it happens and try to not let it

control me or make rash decisions based on it

like thinking I should maybe be a buddhist nun

as though I'm going to cut off all this awesome hair

my relationship with my pride and vanity

are still a little mixed up after all of this

but I like to think I'm more consistently balanced

than unbalanced and I'll take it

it'd be worse to be him living in that ugly mind

so we'll thank the gods for small miracles

and keep avoiding the railroad tracks

as much as we can

because being aromantic is awful

and I'm quite ready to see everything

love is willing to give me

and give it all back just the same

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that-green-haired-swordsman · 2 years ago

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Found this on Pinterest and it's not meant to be taken too seriously, but yeah, I get where this comes from. Usually you see Zoro being pictured as either a sex machine or as aromantic/ace, and literally never anything in between, and I personally believe that either of these takes is true. It's a manga of the shonen genre and follows the respective, genre-based rules. My interpretation of the character is that he undoubtedly puts his goal(s) on top of everything else. Luffy gets to become the pirate king. Zoro himself is going to be the world's strongest swordsman. Period. BUT. These ambitions go hand in hand with a sacrifice, at least to Zoro. This is going to be a long read and I have to digress a bit so please be patient lol.

Zoro has lost the person most important to him and there was nothing he could do to prevent it. He couldn't protect Kuina. Now, we don't know his own knowledge of his parents, but I always assumed that his desire to become stronger and stronger is a direct result of the loss of his parents, something he witnessed, but couldn't do anything about it either. So he chose to follow his father's footsteps and became a swordsman, trained in Koushiro's dojo, driven by anxiety. He made friends with Kuina who died too. And then he swore to himself that never again he would anyone ever become close to him. He traveled alone and at first and kept his distance to Luffy, Nami and the others.

But there's no way to fight human nature. Slowly, he allowed himself and them to get closer and he found it comfortable to be around them, but accepting that they're his friends also multiplies his anxiety and ultimate weakness: losing someone again. He not only wants to become stronger to be the WGS, he also thinks it's the only way to protect his loved ones. When he struggles with an opponent, he can be seen training even harder afterwards. He takes the night's watch. He guards the ship. He only sleeps when someone else is awake. He tells the others to escape when it's dangerous. He tries to take incoming damage alone. He refuses that anyone sacrifices themselves and knocks them out should they try (Sanji @ Thriller Bark). He keeps things a secret. He holds back emotions to remain collected and supportive. The further along they travel, the more of his humanity he has to lose in order to keep them all safe.

Back to the original intention of this post. Zoro has kind of a soft spot for women who need help with something. They just trigger his protective instinct. But he also tries to keep away from any woman because they'd weaken him. And he can't afford to be weak. A woman by his side would mean he'd have to look after her, provide for her, protect her, make sure she's alright, take better care of himself in order to be there for her, all things he simply can't afford and which distract him from his goal (he would think that way, being a bit traditional). Maybe he doesn't trust himself to remain as determined as he was once he's in a relationship. Maybe he's afraid that his partner would try to talk him out of his goal and stand in his way. Which leads me to think how a woman has to be in order to be a good match for him?

We've covered that a woman often triggers his protective sense, I'm not sure though if that is what he finds an important trait. I like to imagine that a woman he'd be interested in has to be similar to himself - independent, strong, able to defend herself, not afraid to put him in his place, self-confident and courageous and most importantly be supportive and understand how he rolls. He wouldn't have to worry about her as much then (he'd still be worried though of course lol). So yeah, ZoTash all the way!

However, even if they'd fall in love during the series, he'd not give in to his feelings before he would have reached his goals, due to the above mentioned reasons. He'd ask her to wait or he wouldn't open up to her until he's the WGS, and then reunite with her and be like "Hey sorry you had to wait" and you know how loyal he is, he'd stay with her until the end of his days. And I think that's another reason why he's not dating a woman - he wants to make sure that she's THE ONE. He's not interested in an affair or something not serious. He's there for the long run. He doesn't give away his heart so easy. He could even play hard to get, to check if his love interest really means it. He wants to protect himself from heartbreak and loss, afraid to experience it ever again.

He wouldn't be a perfect lover, but try hard to be the best version of himself.

#Roronoa zoro #roronoa zoro headcanons #zotash #zoro x tashigi

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novemberthecatadmirer · 2 years ago

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Although I do not go with it but the “Maeglin never got released back to Gondolin Sauron was impersonating him all the time” headcanon is actually pretty appealing

I WANT TO SEE ONE FROM SAURON’S POV it’s going to be so much fun

Consider it he could be offered this mission by Morgoth to make up for his utter failure at Luthien event (Got humiliated by one princess of twilight going to humiliate another prince of twilight. Morgoth had sense of humor.)

Numenor: Sauron became the king’s favorite and ruined the already problematic nation from within. Gondolin: Sauron became the king’s favorite and ruined the already problematic city from within. (Gondolin absolutely already had SO many issues going on.)

Sauron getting to see Gondolin forge and learn their secrets!!! It being such a good experience that he did it again to Eregion in Second Age.

Sauron, partying HARD in Gondolin. Eating nice food and drinking and dancing and being his charming self. At the same time plotting the various tragic deaths of everyone around.

Maeglin did not reveal Gondolin’s defense secrets Sauron gathered those secrets while impersonating him

Regular dream zoom-sessions with Morgoth to report information

Sauron being creepy to Idril and Earendil. Idril thought Maeglin finally throw off his cover. Earendil being a child realized something was extremely off it’s almost like his uncle came back WRONG. But he could not understand what was happening and did now have enough vocabulary to clearly convey what he felt.

Would Sauron like Idril in some way? I think the answer is “YES”

I headcanon Idril to be such a plotting cunning politician determined to make sure her people survive the Doom. It was a HUGE ambition. She heard the Doom at a young age then almost immediately had her mother dead and lost in cold water. She’s traumatized paranoid filled with anxiety always thinking and preparing for the worst. I also cannot believe she did not have bitter feelings about Turgon’s dumb grief-driven decisions, and share the anger against Feanorians. But she masked her feelings even better than Maeglin and people viewed her as the sun and hope of Gondolin. Except she was on the edge of losing it and yelling at her father and starting a coup so that she could start evacuation of the city.

Would Sauron find that mass of repressed anger & pain interesting? And the daring ambition to escape the Doom laughable? He would want to extinguish that fire and squish that hope. He would want to break the princess just like he broke the prince.

And yes, killing Earendil in front of Idril then dragging her away to be his toy would be NICE

Of course Sauron would be offed by the mortal man he was ignoring and looked down upon all the time. He’s Sauron he never learned that particular lesson

Ah and capturing Salgant to make him Morgoth’s little musician. For fun and as a punishment for Maeglin refusing telling the secrets of the city. “See, the city fell anyway, they believe you to be the traitor, your uncle is dead, your cousin and nephew hate you now, and I have your best friend as gift for my lord.”

Maeglin could laugh at Sauron for being offed by a mortal man but it hardly matter everything was still awful for him no one knew he was being kept in Angband all the time and being forced to work in their forge

(You know this actually makes more sense for the fire mechanical dragons. You cannot convince me Maeglin could make anything like that within short period of time)

(Morgoth could just, show him Sauron in Gondolin and said “well if you still do not cooperate maybe I am going to have my lieutenant doing something to you pretty cousin or your cute nephew or your arrogant uncle or your little fat friend.”)

(He still managed to design some fatal flaws into the metal dragons. And after learning Earendil & Idril escaped he refused to cooperate anymore. That’s why the dragons were not used in War of Wrath; they overheat and exploded.)

#tolkien #silmarillion #the silmarillion #silm #silmarillion headcanon #silm headcanon #sauron #mairon #maeglin #idril #salgant #fall of gondolin #gondolin #morgoth

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highqueenofelfhame · 3 years ago

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fafs, twenty five

WHEEEEW BOY. I am so sorry to have kept you waiting. busy winter all around, and a bit of writer’s block later, and we finally made it. Y’all, this chapter is 6.6k words, and pushed fafs over into 100k total words. I’m so fucking speechless? April is a really bad month for me, my anxiety has been absolutely killing me, but i feel so proud of myself and accomplished right now. maybe it’s the week i’m having, but i’m shedding real author tears over this. hopefully the size of this bad boy makes up for the wait. i promise it won’t be that long ever again. if you read this, and are taking enough time to read this note, thank you. thank you for reading, and for your comments, and for your love of my silly little story that i hope to one day turn into a real book you can hold in your hands. now... on with the show.

CW: i don’t want to give any spoilers but this chapter is for mature audiences for various reasons.

His face.

His stupid, godsdamn face.

Aelin couldn’t remember the last time it had been an effort to pull the swaggering assassin persona up to the surface, but she felt like she was digging through an empty chest in the pit of her stomach. Nothing but cobwebs remained; too much of her soul laid bare for the man that stood in front of her. He would see through her as he so often did, leaving no room for Celaena Sardothien to slip back into her skin.

That was fine. Aelin herself was full of more rage than she’d ever been as Celaena. Her eyes burned with unshed tears begging for a release, but she refused to let them fall. Her life had been nothing but a wheel of betrayal and trauma. Sam had been so rife with ambition he had thrown her under the bus more than once. Aedion, too, if she thought about it for more than a second, but she pushed him from her mind, refusing to let his giving up on her fall into the same cycle. He hadn’t known who she became, and she hadn’t let herself tell him the truth before it was too late, so she couldn’t really place any blame at his feet.

Rowan, though. His betrayal sliced deeper than any wound she had ever received in a fight. It was a gaping, fresh wound in her soul, as jagged and ugly as the one losing Aedion had left behind. Maybe worse because Rowan had seen her for everything she was and still decided she wasn’t good enough, decided she was no more than a criminal that deserved to rot in prison for her crimes. Aelin had told him the truth. The whole messy truth. She erased no part of her story in the version she gave him. Yet it wasn’t enough.

There had been plenty of time for her to turn the events over in her mind. Most days she was tipsy by noon, emotions scorching the back of her throat as much as the liquor. But even that hadn’t dulled the pain that came from her torturously going through a catalog of memories, trying to sort out the moment where Rowan had decided to lure her in with his words and his body for the sole purpose of stabbing her in the back at the right moment. It would have hurt less if he had just used a knife.

Even now, with him standing in front of her, she had to crush the fresh wave of hurt that threatened to consume her. Her cheeks burned red with a drunk flush as she looked him over, eyes silently scanning his body for anywhere he might have hidden weapons. Small knives could be tucked into his pockets and tennis shoes, and a gun would be easily hidden beneath his t-shirt. The open flannel would easily hide any bulk on his hips or back. Even the sling on his shoulder–

She averted her gaze, bleary eyes focusing once again on his godsdamn face. The way he was looking at her pinned her to the chair she slumped against, that painful chasm in her stomach ready to swallow her whole. Rowan’s eyes were scanning her, too, likely to find where else she might have hid another knife to chuck at his head. To silently answer his question, she ran her hand along the arm of the chair to tug another free from its sheath. Aelin pushed the point of the blade into her bare thigh, holding the dagger in place with a single finger.

The pain from the prick sent a rush of blood to her head, dusting off her thoughts enough for her to open her mouth to speak. Rowan, however, beat her to the punch by saying, “Stop it.”

“Stop what, exactly?”

“You’re going to hurt yourself.” Indeed, a quick glance down revealed a tiny bead of blood around the tip of the knife.

“Wouldn’t want me to bleed on the seats of your cruiser, now would we?” The tremor in her voice nearly gave away her emotions, but the sharpness in her tone honed it into anger. To his credit, the man before her didn’t flinch. Merely arched a brow at her until she adjusted her grip on the handle and twirled it between her fingers. “Am I surrounded?”

“I’m alone,” he said, and Aelin couldn’t hold back her snort. She highly doubted he’d been sent to apprehend her on his own with no backup. Not after what happened in the lobby of the bureau that ended with multiple people clutching bleeding wounds, Aelin and Rowan included.

“I don’t believe you, and I won’t be walking out of here to return to a prison cell.”

“I’m alone,” he repeated, leaning against the doorframe, “And I don’t want you to be in prison, either. I’m not here to arrest you.”

“Why are you here, then?” Aelin’s head tilted slightly, a lioness assessing her prey. She hoped it made him uncomfortable for her violent attention to be fixated on him. She pushed the thoughts where she couldn’t hurt him into the back corners of her mind. Maybe if she turned off her brain and emotions, she could fight her way out of this one and flee once again.

“To talk. To explain. To help you—“

“Don’t give me that bullshit,” she hissed, stabbing the dagger into the arm of the chair. She used it as leverage to pull herself up, the wooden floor of the cabin creaking and cool against her bare feet. The lies had fallen from his lips too easily, and it had her grabbing the bottle of whiskey from the coffee table to take a long, burning swig. “You told her everything.”

“Aelin, I don’t know what she said to you, but I never told her anything.”

“She knew everything.” She hated the way her voice tripped up over the last word, saying it out loud, chipping away at her stone-cold exterior she’d been trying to live in lately. Flinging a finger toward the window, Aelin took a few steps toward Rowan. . “She knew about Arobynn and Sam. She knew about my parents. Everything I’ve told you, she knew. Maeve even said–”

“I don’t give a shit what Maeve said!” The outburst surprised her. Even when she had been in prison, Aelin couldn’t remember a time that he had raised his voice at her. “I didn’t tell her a godsdamn thing.”

“You’re the only person who knew aside from Arobynn, and he’s dead. I made sure of that after what he did to you. And you manipulated me into a false sense of security–”

“I told you that I’m in love with you. You think I did that as some elaborate scheme to throw you back in prison? Don’t you think if I was going to rat you out, I would have done it the second you told me everything? Why would I have waited?”

“To get back at me! I lied and betrayed you before–”

“That doesn’t matter anymore. I’m still in love with you, despite everything.”

“Stop saying that.” Aelin was close enough now that it was easy for her to jab a finger at his chest. This close, she was sure he could smell the smoky whiskey on her breath. “Stop lying to me. It’s over.”

“Bullshit, it’s over.” Rowan’s hand closed around her finger, squeezing tight enough that when she tried to jerk away, she didn’t immediately slip free. Aelin jerked again, putting more of her body into the pull, but he moved with her. Nearly chest to chest, she used her other arm to shove him back, but he didn’t budge.

“Let go of me,” she breathed, voice low through clenched teeth. Tears pricked at the corners of her vision and emotion scorched the back of her throat. Again, she jerked her arm and managed to nearly slip out of his grasp. Rowan was too quick, though, tightening his grip on her wrist until it almost hurt.

Every emotion she had been burying at the bottom of various bottles started to bubble to the surface. Every tear she had refused to let fall, every atom of sadness and rage that she had managed to swallow filling her veins, her vision, her lungs.

Aelin wasn’t entirely sure when or how she started swinging her limbs at him in a nearly-blind attempt to cause some sort of harm. One moment she had been tugging away from him, and the next she was crowding him until his back was to the wall while she swung and kicked and he did what he could to deflect every hit. More than once he managed to catch her hands, but her white-hot anger proved to be too much. She landed hit after hit to his chest, one to his jaw, several kicks to his legs.

Someone was screaming in a raw, animalistic way. Someone was sobbing. She didn’t realize that it was her until her throat felt so raw it could have been bleeding from every emotion clawing up her throat.

His mouth was moving, the shape of her name so lovely on his lips that it broke her heart even more. It had been weeks of doing her damndest not to think of him, not even his name, and here he was standing in front of her looking exhausted and rugged and so handsome it only twisted the knife in her heart even more.

“Fuck, Aelin. Stop,” he groaned, a sharpness to his voice that hadn’t been there before. It was enough to give her pause while she scanned his features. Pain was etched across his face, heavy in the wrinkle between his brows as his eyes squeezed shut. Aelin’s hands dropped immediately, one of them sliding down the arm housed in a black sling. The shoulder she had aimed and shot at when she fled the bureau, leaving a hole in his skin that would surely bear a scar for the rest of his life.

And just like that, the anger diminished. Guilt flooded her, clouded her senses as she stumbled away from him. Still, his right hand gripped her fingers and kept her from getting too far away. Aelin didn’t bother trying to tug her hand away. She stood in front of him with her shoulders caved forward, body shaking with grief and guilt. Everything she felt was stripped bare, bleeding and raw before him. An alternate version of the woman she’d been that night on the balcony when she had told him her deepest secrets. When he had held her hand while she wept at her lost life and family, when he hadn’t wavered for even a heartbeat.

“Hey, hey, hey,” his voice anchored her where she stood as he stepped closer, using his thumb to wipe the tears from her cheeks. Aelin was fully trembling now, everywhere from her lips and chin to her fingers and toes. It was nearly impossible to get any amount of air into her lungs. Each breath was short and sharp and not nearly enough. Her gasps choked her between every broken sob. “Aelin. Look at me.”

She tried, but her vision was so cloudy with tears it was hard to focus on his face. Each and every one of his features remained blurry, but she tried. Tried to focus on the feeling of the calluses of his palm against her cheek, of his fingers slipping to twine between strands of golden hair. Aelin didn’t protest, physically or verbally, when he pulled her to his chest and wrapped his good arm around her shoulders. Nor did she try to duck away from his reach when his lips brushed the top of her head and then stayed there to murmur sweet nothings to soothe her.

Maybe she should have been embarrassed at her willingness to melt into him, but it wasn’t anything she could help. The fabric of his t-shirt was so soft beneath her hands as she slid them around his torso, fisting the hem between her fingers at the base of his spine. She did her best to avoid his left arm entirely, but still felt the soft rub of his knuckles against his shoulder while he held her and let her fall apart at his feet. Maybe she should have felt embarrassed, yes, but if she was going to be carted back to prison, she would allow herself to have this last moment with him when she was just Aelin and he was just Rowan.

It had all been a delusion to think any of it could turn out okay. To have believed that he didn’t see her as the hardened criminal that she was, that he had put his training as an FBI agent to the side. Maybe it had been silly to think that they might have had any sort of a relationship in this world or another. But it had been that hope that had her wanting to correct the course of her life and see where they might end up. If he had betrayed her, she couldn’t blame him for it. As deeply as it cut, she couldn’t blame him for doing his job.

But it certainly didn’t feel like he was doing his job as he held her in the living room of the cabin, a fire crackling and humming behind them. His body was a solid weight that she held onto, inhaling his cool pine scent until her breaths evened out and reached the bottom of her lungs. The words he whispered certainly didn’t feel like he was doing it to keep up a ruse; soft murmurs that she refused to let go of. She would hear them echo in her mind until her very last breath, she was sure of it.

A small panic began to bubble to the surface as he pulled back, her eyes wide and wild as she looked up at him with new tears beginning to form. But his gaze was warm and loving, his hands gentle but firm as he ran it up and down her back.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he breathed, and her heart squeezed so tightly it hurt. “Let's get you in bed.”

Bed. It did sound nice; the idea of falling into the mattress and burrowing beneath the blankets with him as if he was going to stay. So she followed him, merely pointing toward the door that was her room when he looked over his shoulder in question. Not once did he let go of her hand. If anything, he gripped it tighter in his.

After closing the bedroom door, Rowan took a brief glance around. It was nothing like her secret apartment in Rifthold. Where that had been all opulence and luxury, this room was one of functionality and necessity - a mattress on nothing more than a bed frame pushed into the far corner. The rumpled sheets were a plain white linen with several ordinary blankets heaped in the center from where she’d crawled out that morning. The only other furniture in the room was a nightstand with a simple lamp and a dim bulb. Even the closet was mostly bare, save for a bag stuffed with first aid supplies and a handful of very boring clothes she had picked from other safe houses along the way to this one.

Rowan guided her to the bed, taking a moment to make sense of the blankets before motioning for her to crawl in. As soon as she settled close to the wall, he joined her, wasting no time in tugging her to his side. His warmth was welcome, what with her body still trembling slightly from the meltdown she’d endured. It may have been the most at peace she had felt in weeks, and she may have hated it just a little. But she rested her head against his chest and shivered when his hand coasted between her shoulder blades.

The weight of the blankets and her soul made her sink further into the mattress, her cheek nuzzling against his t-shirt. She wanted to believe that maybe he needed this just as much as she did. That the physical contact was just as relieving and rewarding for him as it was for her. With hope unfurling in her heart, it didn’t take any time at all for her to drift off into a deep sleep.

~*~

Red and gold flames danced before her, reaching higher in the chimney the more she poked and prodded the wood. Sparks scattered up and vanished, the logs crackling and snapping into ashen pieces with a hard jab of the poker. Aelin was trying to ignore the overwhelming presence of Rowan on the couch behind her. The flames were the only thing that seemed to soothe her aching soul.

The man in question took a deep breath, exhaling with an even heavier sigh. She could hear his fingernail scraping at the scratchy fabric of the couch, and it was enough to set her further on edge. Instead of acknowledging him and putting an end to the pregnant silence, she stabbed at the fire again and smiled to herself at the explosion of sparks.

Aelin knew Rowan well enough to know that the silence wouldn’t last forever. It was just a matter of who was going to break it first. She was sure that he didn’t know where to start, either. They had so much to talk about, starting with their convoluted relationship. But what was there to say, really? Rowan, in some shape or form, had betrayed her. The only person who knew her identity, that knew about her parents, was Rowan. Yet somehow Maeve had made the connection. That was a conversation that needed to be had, but Aelin was uneasy about it. The only way Maeve would know is if Rowan told her. It was enough to make her blood boil.

Rowan cleared his throat, a sound that elicited a deep sigh from Aelin. She finally stood and turned, but didn’t lift her eyes to his. With one arm braced on the stone mantel, she ruffled her fingers through her hair while watching the flames twist and twine together.

The tension in the room was a living, breathing thing. It sucked all the oxygen from the space, straight from her lungs. Looking at him would only make it worse; still, she risked a glance over her shoulder to find his eyes boring holes through her skin. Aelin quickly looked away, settling her gaze back on the roaring fire before her.

“I thought it would help,” Rowan finally said, his voice warm despite the chilly silence that had grown between them. Aelin froze at his words, muscles tense and hands clenched into fists against her thighs as she rose to her feet.

“You thought what would help?” Her voice was cool, calculated, and sharp as the daggers she had hidden all over the cabin. Rowan sighed when she finally faced him, raking his fingers through his hair, and creating a scattered mess with the strands.

“I thought if she knew the truth, it would help. That she would see things differently knowing that you’re Aelin Galathynius. That the case could be dropped because you were tortured and abused and forced to do all the awful things you had to do to survive. I thought we could spin it in a way that would make the press and the world feel for you. The golden girl of Terrasen found at last, after twenty years of suffering abuse. I thought… I thought since she solved your parent’s case that she would want to help.” His voice got thinner and tighter the more he spoke, the muscles of his neck and shoulders tense and straining beneath his t-shirt.

“If you truly believed any of that, you are far more naïve than I ever believed you to be,” she said harshly. The betrayal of it all seeped through her pores and pulsed through her veins. Aelin couldn’t remember the last time she had felt like this. Couldn’t remember the last time she had felt like she was on fire and burning in the pits of her rage. The flames at her back only stoked the heat, prickled at the back of her neck like a thousand fire ant bites.

“I wasn’t–”

“Thinking? Weren’t you, though? When you lulled me into a false sense of security while I was broken and free-falling into a void. You wormed your way into my life, made me believe I could trust you, then you turn around and betray me in the worst way possible. What are you getting out of it, Rowan?”

“Do you think I enjoyed telling her everything? I feel like shit about it, Aelin. I know I broke your trust, but–”

“There are no buts!” Like a banshee, her voice exploded from her chest. Sweat lined her brow as her arms flung out to the sides, as her eyes widened and her heart shattered. “You would gain something from this. Probably a fat ass promotion for catching the infamous Celaena Sardothien and unmasking her true identity in the process. I’m sure you have hard drives stacked with my secrets that only you know.”

“I don’t–” Aelin cut him off with a sharp snort that quickly devolved into manic laughter.

“You and the entire bureau, I suppose. Did you all sit around with that shitty coffee laughing about everything I said? Every word that was nearly a confession that you can use in my trial?” She cocked her head, eyes locked on him. A predator narrowing in on her prey. Even the steps she took toward him were slow and purposeful. Rowan, too trusting it seemed of the woman before him, did little else than adjust his position on the couch. When she was a meter away from him, he finally stood and reached for her.

“Aelin, stop.” There was a commanding tone to his voice, something soothing that she wanted to be wrapped up in. But her skin was still blazing; his confession was pricking at every nerve ending in her body. That white-hot rage was still a rising wave, waiting to crash down on both of them. She had come this far, and she refused to be taken down by something as silly as false hope and a love of lies.

“Don’t tell me what to do.” Something flashed in Rowan’s eyes, and she understood. Even to her, the voice dripping venom from her mouth sounded entirely foreign.

“Listen to me. We’re going to figure this out. I love you too much to let anything happen to you.”

“Say it again,” she said, her voice still strange and disconnected. Her fingers toyed with a small pocket at her thigh, brushed at the dagger hidden inside it.

“I love you.”

It all crashed down.

The lie on his lips sent that wave of fury down hard, sweeping through every part of her body. The rage got the better of her in that moment as her hand palmed the dagger. Her hands took on a mind of their own as she slammed the dagger into his chest until nothing but the hilt was sticking out. Rowan’s eyes widened, mouth opening in a silent ‘o’ from the shock.

And then she really lost touch with her reality. Over and over, she ripped the blade from his body and slammed it back down. Her movements were furious, his blood splattering over the couch, the walls, her skin.

Rowan staggered back, collapsing in a bloody heap on the couch with this chest heaving. Still, she didn’t stop. The warm spray of his blood was familiar, something she had experienced more times than she could count. Death and darkness beckoned her, and she found she couldn’t stop herself from plunging the knife into his body over and over until she knew he was dead, knew his heart had stopped beating, knew his lips would never spill another lie. Blood covered his entire body, soaked the couch and their clothes. His eyes were open and glassy, staring at the ceiling with no light behind them–

Aelin jolted awake with a sharp gasp, tears burning her eyes and falling in silent streams down her cheeks. Every part of her body was shaking furiously as she grappled with what was a nightmare and what was a reality. Each breath she took was shaky and shallow, not hitting the bottom of her lungs as her eyes jumped around the bedroom of the cabin.

The wooden floor was cool and solid beneath her feet. Beneath the closed, and locked, door, the fire emitted a soft orange glow that crept into the room. With the curtains drawn shut, she could see little of the room around her. She heard, more than saw, Rowan rise from the bed and walk around to where she stood with shaking hands and a hollow heart.

“Aelin,” he whispered, his voice warm and lovely wrapped around her name. Trembling, she raised her hands in front of her body. Was it to keep him away or to surrender? Was she signaling to him he needed to stay as far from her as possible, or to show him the bare bones of her soul? “Look at me.”

“I– I– We– I–” With failing words, she looked at his face. Rowan’s eyes locked onto hers while he reached out to carefully drag his fingers down her arms, to her hands. Where her entire body was cold and covered in gooseflesh, his hands were warm when they encompassed hers.

The trembling wouldn’t stop. It was as if she had no control over her body as she shook violently. Each breath was short and quick, sharp, and unfulfilling. Tears dripped off her chin and splashed onto her arms, soaked through the thin t-shirt that hung on her thin frame.

None of it seemed to deter Rowan. Instead of backing away, he only came closer. His hand slid around her neck and pulled her to his chest. At some point, it seemed, he had taken off his sling because she didn’t feel the rough velcro of the strap against her cheek as she nuzzled her face into his chest.

“I’m sorry,” she gasped between loud, broken sobs. “I’m so sorry.”

“Shh, shh, sh.” His hand stroked down her hair over and over for several moments before settling firmly on the back of her head. She forced herself to listen to the loud thump of his heart while she tried and failed to calm her breathing.

Rowan took long, deep breaths, whispering for her to breathe with him. Aelin was lightheaded from hyperventilating, stars pricking at the edge of her vision. To avoid the disorientation, she squeezed her eyes shut and forced her body to follow the guide of his breathing, to concentrate on the thump, thump, thump of his heart. Balling his shirt into her fists, she pulled him as close as she could manage, holding him tightly as though he might slip through her fingers.

“Whatever it was, it was nothing but a nightmare. It wasn’t real. This, Aelin, is real. Me and you. Right here. This is real.”

Real. She knew he meant more than just their bodies. The tenderness in his voice made it obvious. The love between them was real. It had only been a nightmare made up of her deepest fears. He had never betrayed her, he’d never told anyone her secrets. There was a loyalty between them that was almost blind; their love was almost to a fault. But it was real. Real as the cold wood beneath her feet, real as the fire in the sitting room, real as the ache she felt in her bones.

“I’m sorry,” she said again. Tears still fell down her face and left blotches on his white shirt. His chin rest on top of her head as he rubbed his hand in circles over the center of her back.

“You have nothing to apologize for.”

“I killed you in my dream,” she sobbed, rubbing her face into his chest.

Rowan was quiet for a moment, though he never stilled the comforting motions of his hand. After several beats of his heart, he asked, “Did I deserve it?”

“A little.” To her surprise, a soft laugh bubbled in her chest and poured from her lips. Golden hair caught in his five-o’clock shadow as his lips spread into a smile.

“Then I forgive you.” It was too easy, the banter. Being comforted by him. Loving him. It was overwhelming and all-consuming, and despite the situation, despite the nightmare, Aelin could have stood wrapped in his arms like that forever.

But she couldn’t. They had much to talk about, but not while the moon was still so high in the sky with a soft pitter-patter of rain beginning to tap at the windows. Now was a time for rest. Aelin didn’t object when Rowan pulled away and led her back to the bed in the center of the room, carefully tucking her into the blankets before crawling in beside her. She was quick to snuggle into his side, to rest her head on his chest and begin to count his heartbeats.

It was the lullaby of having him so close that gently rocked her to sleep.

~*~

This time when she woke, soft light was creeping through the cracks of the curtains. The rain had gone as quickly as it came, leaving a silence that was only achieved in the middle of a forest. It was peaceful and serene.

And warm. She was so warm she was sweating where a heavy arm lay draped over her side. At some point in the night, her t-shirt had risen up. Skin against skin, keeping her warm and safe even in sleep.

She wanted to believe that he hadn’t betrayed her, but a thousand questions still tore through her mind like a hurricane. They had much to talk about, yes, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t enjoy this moment while it lasted.

Much to her dismay, it ended much quicker than she would have liked. Ten minutes after she’d woken up, Rowan began to stir, too. His arm tightened around her for a brief moment as he let out a deep sigh, then removed himself from her and shifted. Aelin rolled over then, still laying with her hands tucked beneath her head. He was sitting now, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and stretching his legs.

“I didn’t expect you to be here when I woke up,” she said, breaking the silence with a whisper. She truthfully hadn’t. After everything… why would he stay? She had made more than one attempt to push him away, starting with yelling at him in the bureau lobby and shooting him in the shoulder. Yet he’d come back. He had found her when no one else had truly bothered to try. Sure, there was probably a low key manhunt going on at the FBI, because she doubted that Maeve would want it to get out that she lost the world’s most notorious assassin. But Rowan had stayed.

There were no handcuffs keeping her chained until backup could come. There was no sign of him even having brought a gun with him. Her anklet had yet to make another appearance, and she hadn’t seen his cell phone since he’d arrived. All signs that he wasn’t here to take her away, and that he didn’t want to be found by anyone else, either.

“I keep trying to show you that I’m not going anywhere. When are you going to start believing me?” The words clanged through her like a bell, her lips parting on a sharp inhale. Hurt flashed in his eyes as he rustled his fingers through his messy hair. “I don’t know what else I can do, Aelin.”

Rowan’s gaze was fixed on his hands in his lap, fingers picking at a stray thread. That deep wrinkle appeared between his brows and she hated that she was the one that put it there more often than not.

She sat up, blankets bunching around her waist as she reached for his hand. It was hard not to sigh when he turned his palm over for her to slide her fingers through his and her heart skipped several beats when he finally looked at her.

Aelin crawled into his lap, careful not to jostle his wounded arm too much. His fingers brushed against her side, against the cotton of her shirt. The calluses caught on the fabric that he gripped into a loose fist, but she understood. Sliding forward until she was as close as she could be, Aelin rested her hands on the sides of his neck.

Neither of them said anything as a thick tension settled over the room, filling every gap until it was nearly overwhelming. There was a slight tremor to her hands as she brushed her thumbs along the strong, chiseled line of his jaw. His other hand was on her side, sliding around to her back, and she shivered at the way he was touching her. The way she would have let him touch her for the rest of his life if there wasn’t a chopping block awaiting her in the center of the city.

“Rowan,” she whispered, her breath fanning over his face. His green eyes shifted from her mouth up to her heavy lidded gaze. With her heart thundering in her chest, she was aching to whisper the words that she’d never uttered to anyone else in her life. Not even Sam.

“Fireheart.” There was tension in his voice, tension like he was trying to hold himself back. Whether because it was a test of his self-control or because he physically had to for the sake of the gunshot wound he’d suffered to his shoulder. By her own hand. She would never forgive herself for that.

Aelin leaned down, her lips pressing against the scarred flesh. It was soft, barely a whisper, barely a breeze of wind against his skin. Rowan’s exhale was shaky and his fingers flexed against her back. That kiss was an apology in itself, one she would make over and over until he was certain it would never happen again.

When she pulled back, her thumb traced over his lips, and she leaned forward to kiss him. It was a kiss that, if they weren’t existing in a world where what they had was a ticking time bomb, it would have be full of a million promises. Promises of tomorrow, of waking up tangled together, of shiny stones and golden bands. Promises of a house with the soft thump of tiny feet running through the hallways.

It was a future that she had never allowed herself to even dream. That had never been in the cards for her since everything avalanched when she was a child, but gods above did she want it. Just for today, she decided, she would pretend that they could have those things.

Tomorrow she would worry about the bureau, her trial, the cell that awaited her until she rotted to nothing inside and out. But today…

Knowing all of this, knowing what awaited them, she pulled back and whispered the words she should have that day they’d spent in her bed weeks ago after his rescue.

“I love you, Rowan. I love you so much, I can’t– ” but she was cut off with a searing kiss that she felt in every atom of her body. It felt like coming home, because in a way, she was. Rowan was home to her. It didn’t matter what happened, or where they were, he was home.

The kiss was all consuming, stole the breath straight from her lungs until she was gasping. Aelin had never been kissed quite like this, with so much hunger and desperation that it felt as though they might die if they stopped. Yet it was still so tender like he thought she would disappear at any moment. But she wouldn’t. Nor would he. And it seemed they were both ready to burn until nothing else remained.

“I love you,” he breathed, pulling back to search her face. Aelin merely nodded leaning back for another kiss, but he stopped her with his thumb on her chin. “I need you to hear me, Aelin. I’m not going anywhere. You can’t push me away. Whatever happens from here on out, we deal with it together.”

“Okay.” It felt like a weak response, nowhere near the words she wanted to say back to him, but they all remained in a knot in her throat. Tears stung her eyes, reflected in his as well. They were mirrors, she realized. One soul separated into two bodies. The truth of it broke and healed her all at once.

“I love you,” he said again. “To whatever end.”

“To whatever end,” she promised, and he finally let her capture his lips in another kiss that set her whole body on fire.

Aelin wasn’t sure when or how their clothes were shed, it happened so quickly all of it was a blur. The only thing she could see was him, the only thing she could feel was his hands roaming her skin, the hardness of him pushing between her thighs. When she first lowered herself onto him, it overwhelmed and consumed her in the best of ways. His attention remained on her face, even when her eyes fell shut at the sheer size of him, how hot she felt all over with desire and need.

Because she did need this. They both did, evident in the way his hands trembled against her body everywhere he touched. Her thumb swept over his damp cheek blindly, realizing that this was leaving him just as raw as it was her. Everything was laid bare before them, and though they had so much to talk about, so many things to uncover…

None of it mattered. The sole thing in this moment was him, was the way he felt sliding in and out of her as she rode him with her hands tugging on the ends of his hair. The closer she got to her climax, the more breathless she got, the harder her heart pounded against his chest. He had his arms wrapped around her so tightly that there wasn’t a part of them not touching.

“Rowan, I–” she couldn’t get the rest of her words out of her mouth as she tumbled over the edge with him chasing close behind her. Their foreheads were pressed together as they rode it out with jumbled words falling from their lips.

It took what felt like an eternity to come down from it. Not just the sex, but the emotional upheaval they were both experiencing. She stayed atop him, not wanting to be separated in any way, until both of their breathing evened out and his grip on her body loosened. Still, his hands shook where he touched her, tilting her head back with his fingers at her jaw to look into her eyes, her soul.

“I love you.” She would never tire of those words from his lips.

“To whatever end,” she promised, her lips falling back down to his.

It was the first time that she could truly imagine what her life might be like, had she been normal. Had she been anyone else in the world, with nothing but silly skeletons in her closet.

But she wasn’t anyone else. She was Celaena Sardothien, and she was Aelin Ashryver Galathynius. And it was only a matter of time before everything caught up to her and brought everything tumbling to the ground.

p.s.: big thanks to @punkassbookjockey26 for being the best editor ever, and bouncing ideas with me. and a huge thanks to @westofmoon and @shyvioletcat for always being around when i get stuck. this story (and my life) would suck without you.

#fafs #far away from sane #fafs25 #fafs 25 #rowaelin #rowaelin fic #tog fic #tog fanfiction #throne of glass #throne of glass fanfiction #rowaelin fanfiction #my writing #pls let me know your thought #i want all the keyboard smashes and screamin #pls reblog xoxo

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sifya · 1 year ago

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If I write Lilith she 'd fill a role between halmiton and pink diamond, so she is driven by her own ambition too much that end up destroy everything she has. When she got better it is too late and differetly from PD, she paid the price of her actions. 1) I don't think Adam was so bad if he became an angel,before someone saying nepotism, angels don't choose who go in heaven,divine jugment does. It save Sir pent and Molly,a woman from Mafia, and trust me there are lot motivations why now Italian police is hard on them,they are the strong ring teach criminal way to children. Because we don't know if vaggie is heaven born or no, but if she is still a winner, in her human life was a prostitue,If divine judgement is too severe and conservative she couldn't pass it. So divine judgement isn't so unfair like Charlie and Emily think.

Adam is loyal to heaven,if Lilith wants more to be just mother of humanity, Adam wouldn't help her.

2) the tree of free will fairtale is hell propaganda, if there was not free will how Lilith rebels or Eve deciced to eat the apple? Plus why didn't lilith eat the apple? In myth she could become an immortal demon because she didn't eat,so she is differnt from regolar demon. But she didn't care about free will

What is truely the three? Not only my idea, I see some fanfictions too, the prison of root of evil. I believe Lilith sold body and soul of Eve to root for power. For that she was powerful. So angels didn't overreactive. Lilith and Lucifer freed a lovecrafian evil god on Earth!

3) Hell has attacked Heaven; Sera is terrified by demons, her way to move and act around it look like anxiety disorder,that can be part of ptst. How do you traumatize an heaven born angel? Well, if there was a war in her home, explained a lot. Same adam looks like he hasn't sleept in days , aggressive behavior and food dependence can e connect with ptst. These person are angels,how possible can they have same terrible mental state.

4)the extremination looks part of war reparations, which aren't used only for fixing the state of nation, but preventing the aggresive nation to attack again. Usually you take resources that can be used for war. We are in afterlife only souls are worth.

Another point in my theory, extremination is 10000 years old, but history of humanity(and i mean when we start to have written documation) it is around 30000 plus. So extremination isn't immediatily born with humanity or adam become an angel.

5) lucifer and Lilith love each other,but lilith wearing the pants isn't positive. Couples need to make decision together and compromise, but if Lucifer is just a dreamer, the ambition of his life were too much.

But I think he willing participate to heaven attck but after he ends up in face " What I have done?"

6) Lilith is ambition and greed person but loves her family, so after the failed war, she tried to become best wife and queen possible, and starting to see sinners as her people not just pawns, unfortunately it is too late, she created a system of slavery cannot be remove so easily,royal family is a clown for losing the war, and Eve is starting to take control of her body.

7)Eve can be an amazing dragon of root and villan. Eve got possess by root and she passed all her life trying to keep it in control, hoping to be free aleast in her death. It wasn't. She just reborned as avatar of root,while the couple she considered her friends live sweet life after her life of suffering and afterlife as slave.

She decided to destroy their life, she helped Lilith with her plain of conquest, they make a deal where Eve, prepared her trap; exchaing bodies. So after war Lilith is possessed by Eve, who silently destroy lilith life until, made lucifer found out about root and lilith deal.

We got sequence like burn from halmiton. Eve completely took control of Lilith body and run to heaven, she make a deal with Adam after making him recognizing herself. But lilith isn't inside Eve/root body, she escaped in Rosie, her avatar, a avatar of overlords she created to go unoticed, so she lost everything and she can only blame herself.

It is these way we have a villain who become good but their past actions have conseguence, an innocence person who got betrayed and making everything to free themselves

Imagine how embarrassing it's going to be once season 2 comes out and Lilith is a genuinely good person and not the bad person we all thought of her lmao

To be honest it would be embarrassing but mostly for the show LOL.

Listen, okay, I don't think Lilith is going to be a heartless villain or anything like that

But if she's just like, good and perfect...? That would... Honestly suck, in my opinion?

Like adamsapple delusion and all that aside, if Lilith is just another unsung hero who was wronged by Heaven and everybody else and whatnot, that would be... Disappointing to be frank. I don't think she should just be a bitch, but she definitely should have some complexity to her motivations and morals. I don't buy that her and Lucifer just had the happiest of relationships and poof, she just disappeared, but it's only because oh she was just a victim woe is her. No no, that woman fucked up somewhere I'm SURE of it.

#lilith #hazbin hotel

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lore-o-hoe · 3 years ago

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Episode: 190 Giant Post Extravaganza!!!

So things went DOWN in the last two pre-hiatus episodes. And if my predictions are correct, things are going to take a turn for the WORSE.

⚠️As always SPOILERS BELOW so read at your own risk⚠️

———————————///——————————

- So first off we have my new crush Eris basically stating that she pulled an Ella Enchanted and gave Persephone a curse in the form of a ‘gift’ and credits Persephone’s sense of purpose and ambition to this gift.

- Oh of course Asspollo to the rescue, he really has the need to be at the center of everything huh? But since this is ERIS wooo boy I don’t think she’s gonna forget that.

- Also is it just me or is this arrow feeling a little forshadowy? Like of course I can’t see into the future, but this kinda feels like it’s going somewhere.

- Y-AS GIRL HIT HIM AGAIN F’CK HIM UPPPPP

- Oh god Eros and Heras faces, the worry is so palatable

- THE KINGS SON???? Wait why am I gasping I already knew that.

- Hera’s FACE oh god, I can’t wait for the next half of the season cause you KNOW it’s already some mess

- But honestly as this chapter goes on, it’s allowing me to cement more gods/goddesses to be Team Persephone when this shit hits the fan.

- For someone who values his power and throne so much, you’d think he’d quit banging his way through the world/cosmos. Red from Overly Sarcastic Productions said it best “Just bag it up if ruling the cosmos means so much to you.” Also he’s a shitty dad to his sons (that we’ve seen) and they’re the ones most likely to overthrow him. HELLO? ZEUS? Man that brain must not be braining 🤷‍♀️

- Nip this in the bud??? Oh god Zeus what are you doin????

- OKAY THIS FR ISN’T FAIR

- How is that supposed to WORK??? Aphrodite is right, a lot of gods have jobs/functions in either realm so how is this all supposed to work???

- Poor Persephone, and god look at Hades in the final panel!!! Y’ALL

————————————///

Okay so it’s time for the too long analysis section:

Okay so things have gone COMPLETELY off the rails but I’ve got some thots sooooo….

A common theme with our favorite goddess is stress. The stress of her trauma, the stress of her actions of wrath, etc. I can’t imagine being the sole goddess running things (in terms of Demeters role) will do anything to help this.

Though don’t think that Zeus is getting off scot free here- like I’ve said time and time again, avoiding destiny is often how you end up finding it.

Much like his father, he’s taken drastic actions to circumvent a prophecy he will likely bring about in one way or another. But he’s crossed multiple gods and goddesses by doing this. Namely his wife, Demeter, and obviously Persephone and Hades.

In a partial sense we’ve seen that Persephone’s powers are somewhat tied to her emotions. Hell her act of wrath sprung from grief, anger, anxiety, etc. She has been forbidden to seeing two important people in her life. Hades and Demeter. Her friend Daphne has become a tree and gone into hibernation thanks to the actions of Apollo and in general her life has once again spun out. I wouldn’t be surprised if we saw an act of wrath part two here.

Also lets get to the messy reveal of Apollos parentage, it seems like Zeus genuinely didn’t know that Artemis and Apollo where his children despite the obvious resemblance (Two purple powerful children spring up from an old fling and he doesn’t question it??).

But that is all to say that he’s becoming like his father, so scared of losing power and their place that they take drastic and cruel measures to keep the top spot but at what cost? You would think that he would put two and two together and figure out that his fathers downfall was caused more by his treatment of his children than anything else. Could his usurpation have happened anyway? Certainly. But making your super-powerful children hate you might speed things up.

And just like his father, he is using cruelty to stave off a similar rebellion without realizing the pattern that’s clearly happening here. And what’s more is he’s got his sons who already have a rocky relationship with him, and one son that’s actively gunning for his throne.

I think that this pressure has been mounting since he realized what Persephone was and went further in Episodes 186 and 187 when Ares had a convo with him and explained his theory regarding why Zeus has a vested interest in making an example of her. As Ares points out, if she was just a less powerful B-grade goddess like Zeus would have others believe, what purpose would this whole circus of a trial serve? No there’s a vested interest in keeping her away from powerful gods (namely Hades and his (Zeus’)own sons). As Ares points out, should Hades decide to pair with Persephone and take him down, there’s very little he could likely do about that. Hades is technically the firstborn son of Kronos, which would make the world and leadership of the gods his birthright, if he so chose. I won’t say that birth order has an effect on power, but its still important to note birthright.

Despite this, it’s sad that Zeus has such little faith in his brother, to the point of causing him such emotional pain on the off chance he’d one day rise against him. While Ares dismisses Hades being the one to rising against him, I haven’t counted out that possibility given the conclusion of the trial. Zeus is failing to learn the lessons of history and will end up paying the price for it.

So lets talk about Hades:

Hades has made it very clear where he stands in terms of Zeus, while he loves his brother, he’ s made it abundantly clear he’s not scared of railing against him especially on behalf of the love he and Persephone share. And Hades is smart, he knows that this sentence is excessive and (with the parentage revelation) an act of desperation rather than a punishment for Persephone’s act.

While he clearly loves his brothers to certain extent, he’s clearly had problems with Zeus in the past, being given the farthest loneliest kingdom despite wishing to not be alone, getting between him and Hera, and now practically forbidding contact with someone who genuinely loves him and in return he loves just as much? Things are getting SERIOUS folks.

I think that we’ll see a very fractured Olympus next time around. While gods are forbidden to interact with Persephone, that doesn’t mean that they couldn’t work on her behalf, this trial was unbalanced and one sided as all hell and most in attendance have their own gripes with Zeus. I mean LOOK at Hera’s face, I can’t count her firmly on Zeus’ side.

With yet another embarrassing scandal that’s been exposed, and since day one she’s had a vested interest in helping Persephone (and subconsciously guiding her away from what Hera has become with her marriage to Zeus). Ares is up for conflict (and he loves his dear momma so), and no doubt that Hades and maybe even Hecate will not stand for something like this.

All in all it’s hard to predict exactly what’s going to go down next season, but no doubt it’s going to get crazy with the fallout of this trial.

—————///————-

Final Remarks:

As y’all know this is the last LO episode while Rachel takes a WELL deserved 4 month long break. But fret not! There’s so many theories, characters, and predictions for the future that the fandom is really hopping. So at least we have each other through the hiatus! ✨

#lore olympus #lo persephone #my post #lo apollo #lore olympus theory #lo theory #lo hades #lore olympus hades #lore olympus persephone #lore olympus spoilers #lore olympus artemis #Lore Olympus episode 190 #LO Episode 190 #hades lore olympus #lo spoilers

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