#fucking gender crisis is annoying

[hazzybat]

Okay I was gonna sleep but I need to put this out somewhere. It's rambly cause it's 2:30am and I need to sleep. Thoughts on my personal gender and how Joker Out is giving me a small crisis maybe.

I think I want to be a boy.

I want to be a boy in the easy way. I want to be masculine because I'm a man not because of anything else. I want to be a man no matter how I dress or look.

It's so easy for a man to be feminine. You put a flower in a man's hair or wear a skirt and he is feminine.

But he's feminine in a masculine way. He's feminine like a man. He can still look masculine. Kris looks feminine in a masculine way. Bojan looks feminine in a masculine way.

If you put me in a skirt I'm a woman. If you put flowers in my hair I'm a girl. There is no masculinity to me.

There is no way I can be masculine in the way I want. I'm short with very delicate and feminine features. I have a very feminine body.

In media (photos and videos etcetera) the way to make a woman masculine is for her to already look it. For her to have a strong jaw or broad shoulders. They put her in blazers and trousers and give her short sleek hair because men don't have curly hair or long hair. I don't want that masculinity. Masculine in a feminine way. Masculine in a way you know she's a woman.

Sometimes I like it. Sometimes I love being feminine in my own way. In an extravagant, alternative way. I love skirts and dresses and how my legs look in heeled boots. Often I like it. Often I'm fine with my body.

But lately especially with Joker Out I just so badly want to be masculine like they are. Masculine in an easy way. Masculine because they're men and nothing more. Masculine even when feminine.

They can dress well and wear pink and be in charge of their sexuality because they're men. They are sexy how men are sexy. They're flirty how men are flirty.

I dunno. I kinda like being called He/Him but that only happened as a teenager when I had no hair or chest.

I never knew if my enjoyment of that was an enjoyment of being seen as a boy or a joy of being not seen as myself.

I don't think I'm a girl. I don't think I've ever been. But I don't feel a connection to anything anyway. I view myself as a monster. In a good way. A thing that isn't human to start with. The most beautiful I've ever felt is when I wear demon horns. When I have fangs in. When I'm dressed up for Halloween. It feels more right to wear horns than any clothing I can think of.

My hair is so different to anything that it helps me feel different. Feel like a creature people comment on and aren't quite sure what to do with. I have a damn red, curly mohawk so there aren't exactly people that look like me and in a way I like that. My hair is masculine and feminine. It's so outside of the status quo it can be both and neither. I like being so different i can pretend I'm not human. Pretend I am an alien simply observing.

I will never be happy with my gender and myself I don't think because it will always change and be just out of reach. It's just often very far in the background. A tiny feeling I can ignore. Then sometimes I see a man do something and I hate them. I hate that no matter what I do in my life I will never be seen like that.

If I want to be sexy I will be seen as being sexy in a feminine way. I will be sexy in the way an object is. I will be sexy because I'm a woman so I'm meant to be sexy.

If a man is sexy its new and different. A man being sexy is him being effortless. A man being sexy is power he always had.

Male sexuality has the man in charge.

Female sexuality has the man in charge

And yes I know that woman can be dominating but I don't want to dominate. I don't want to be some tough strong woman who doesn't take shit.

I want to be a 25 year old guy who doesn't have to fucking fight tooth and nail to be seen in society as revolutionary because he says what he thinks. I want to be a 25 year old guy with a broad chest and just enough beard hair to be attractive.

This isn't really a gender crisis. I knew I was something else since high school. It didn't bother me enough to try and do much about it. Mostly I'm fine with what I am. Usually I'm fine because the truth is there is no way for me to ever exist the way I want because then society has to change in ways it never will and my body has to become something it physically can't.

Maybe if I was fully a man it would be easier. Maybe if I was fully a woman it would be easier.

Maybe if I was fully human it would be easier.

[thelostboys87]

this post really is the blueprint for RR felix vs lover boy felix 

[woosansang]

.

[nightfallsystem]

why do Cis People™️ think that basic respect for trans ppl is like a privilege that can be taken away from me if im "rude"

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

so i (14 F? currently going through an unrelated gender crisis) have been regularly horseback riding since i was 9 and have a regular instructor i really like we'll call R (30s or 40s, F). Today, however, R was out sick and so i was with the barn owner, who we'll call L (60s, F).

i was originally really excited about this, as L is a very good rider. however, i quickly realized that she almost exclusively taught beginner riders under the age of 8. as previously stated, i have been riding for 5 years and would consider myself a pretty good rider.

L proceeded to get my name wrong (i have a fairly common white name starting with s, which she was confusing for fucking Sarah, despite the names looking and sounding nothing alike), though in fairness i was too scared to correct her. she completely undermined my experience and knowledge of the subject, and there were a good twenty minutes when i thought we were just gonna be doing 20 meter trot circles the whole time. thank god for the last half of the lesson L would occasionally let me canter a few circles. even the small form reminders that are to be expected were annoying. where R and other previous instructors had said them almost as background noise, L said it like it was a revelation i'd never heard of before.

do you know the shit socrates said about like giving a student the knowledge to reach the conclusion rather than just the conclusion? what he overlooked is that you can absolutely overuse it. it's hard to explain through the medium of an aita post how frustrating it feels to have someone look at you and see you how they did 5 years ago, look at you and not see the sweat and tears and hours of perfecting your form. and i know that my emotional regulation isn't very well developed, and i know i'm 14 and my hormones are out of wack and i know she doesn't mean anything by it and i know it's not her fault but it's just so fucking aggravating.

almost the entire lesson i was very curt and rude with L, despite the fact that im usually a very cheerful person. she definitely noticed, but didn't bring it up. i tend to freeze up at confrontation, so im not sure what i would've done if she did. i was also much harsher than i needed to be on my horse, which isn't fair because she didn't do anything wrong. i kicked her harder than necessary, jerked her reins, leaned to the inside, and was all around not a very good rider. when my mom picked me up (i am, again, 14 and do not have a driver's license) i slammed to door to the car. when i started crying and she asked me what was wrong, i told her multiple times to "shut the fuck up" and "every word that comes put of your mouth makes me want to punch you in the face", which i now feel awful about. i kept bursting into the tears in the shower so it took me an hour and a half to wash myself, putting our water bill through the roof.

tldr: an instructor treated me as though i was a child, i overreacted and was very rude to everyone around me, i feel utterly horrible about it now. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[nintendont2502]

cant find the original post but a while ago i impulsively decided to add all 32 sburb players (betas, alphas, alternians *and* beforans) to a random name generator and then randomly mix them up - characters kept their original first name and class, and took on the last name and aspect of whatever character they took the role of. this was just meant to be a funny 1am experiment so i could laugh at the cursed results

...yeah it has lore now. i cant stop thinking about it. help.

Beta Kids:

Gamz Egbert (Gamzee) - Bard of Breath. One of the most chill guys ever. Constantly zoned the hell out. Loves clowns :0) him and his dad bond over it. Hangs out with Kari a lot over vc, where it's basically just Kari talking at him uninterrupted (the kid needs it sometimes)

Kari Strider (Kankri) - Seer of Time. Gifted kid and he won't let you forget it. Permanently lives in a sweater vest even though he literally lives in Texas. Constantly annoyed by how childish and immature his older brother is. Lectures him a lot. Lectures his friends a lot. Has 'visions of his past lives' (aka occasional memories from his post-scratch/alternate timeline counterparts). Lectures his friends about how theyre real and valid whenever they make give him shit for it (which happens a lot). Dedicated pacifist - for now, anyway.

John Lalonde - Heir of Light. Golden child. Has an over-bearing mother that constantly pushes him into learning instruments/lanugages/skills, participating in competitions and events, winning award after award. Sure, he's... kinda sick of doing things all day every day, and he doesn't really want to do any of this, but... shouldn't he do it anyway? Even if just for his Mom? Hell, he can't really complain about it, right? He has such a good life! He goes horseback riding every sunday! Sure, it sucks that he doesn't have any free time that isn't controlled by his mother, but he can deal with it. It's fine.

(Things get even worse during the three year trip when Wuh Oh! Gender crisis time! Except he can’t be a girl because he was always meant to be his mom’s perfect son, and he’s already let her down once by letting her die, right? He can just… live with this. Its fine. It's not that bad. It's for her, after all.)

Roxy Harley - Rogue of Space. Grew up living on a small island somewhere in the Pacific that her grandfather 'won in a poker game' (aka probably scammed someone out of, knowing him) - or so he says, anyway. He also used to say he got Roxy the same way every time she asked where she came from! Haha very funny Roxy definitely loved hearing that and not a real response every time she asked where she came from and why she didn’t have any parents. That was great. Her grandfather died when she was fairly young, leaving her alone on the island with nothing left of him but the small inventions he left around the place to make life easier for her. She grows up learning how to maintain them, and although she tries becoming a great inventor like her grandfather, she just... doesn't have the skill. Hacking, on the other hand - shes great at that shit! She finally cracks her final goal - cracking into her grandfathers servers - just before her friend Gamz's 13th birthday, finding mostly boring shit - expenses, customer complaints, legal threats, budgets, etc. What's mildly more interesting to her, however, is the insane amount of money (if they lived on the mainland, they'd be fucking LOADED), and a .exe file for a really cool looking game, with a note from her grandfather congratulating her on finally getting in. And hey, would you look at that? Its multiplayer! And all her friends are free - even John, who through sheer coincidence found himself with a free weekend after his tutors came down with various mysterious illnesses and injuries. It's like the universe wants them to play the game or some shit! Haha wild

Alpha Kids:

Raph Crocker (Rufioh) - Rogue of Life. The living embodiment of all those business major memes. Dude is *dedicated* to the Crockercorp brand - he's determined that one day, he'll climb the ranks and become head of the company, and hopefully lead it just as well as his great-grandfather did. He unironically wears a suit everywhere, and seems committed to sounding like a 50 year old boardroom exec trapped in the body of a 16 year old - although it isn't hard to get him to crack. As much as he pretends he has no patience for his online friends and their constant stories of 'living on a remote island' or 'living in the post-apocalyptic future' (seriously guys, he isn't that gullible), he does genuinely care about them. Besides, when you're stuck in the house all day, there isn't much else to do.

Tuna Strider (Mituna) - Heir of Heart. Trans king. Exudes pure 'disney channel older brother' energy. Shithead (affectionate). Looks up to his Bro, a famous pacifist who resisted the Batterwitch's rule with a global peaceful protest... only to be killed the moment he became too much of a threat. Yyeah. Tuna has... some thoughts about how that should have gone down - most of them involving swords. Or guns. Or both. Maybe if his Bro had a sweet katana, the world wouldn't have been flooded! Although it's too late for his Bro, Tuna has decided to take up the fight in his stead by creating his own 'sick as fuck gun-sword' with whatever scrap metal he can find in the apartment (his Bro, for some reason, didn't think to leave him any useable weapons. cringe). He's got the sword part down great, but the gun... not so much.

Vris Lalonde (Vriska) - Thief of Void. The second half of the 't4t post apocalypse chaos squad', as Tuna calls them. Girl doxxes people for fun - what are they gonna do? Doxx her back? lmao good luck with that losers - closest youre gonna get is still 400 years off. Constantly daring her friends to do stupid shit and quote, 'stop being so fucking boringggg'. it usually works on tuna. sometimes on dave. she still hasnt gotten raph yet, but *one day*...

Dave English - Knight of Hope. smooth talking mile a minute inventor who *loves* trying to 'pitch' his latest invention to his friends. its become almost a game to them, where theyll take turns bidding increasingly ridiculous amounts for an umbrella that shoots seeds ('for easy planting in the rain yknow') or a beat-boxing robot ('i dont even need to explain this one just look at it man. cool as shit'). hell, even raph gets involved sometimes, usually turning it into a shark tank style negotiation. dave swears hes keeping a tally of how much everyone 'owes' him, and claims that one day hes settling that bill. his inventions are genuinely pretty impressive, especially considering his limited resources - being stuck alone on a remote island makes sourcing parts pretty hard. he probably wouldnt even need to jokingly scam his friends in order to jokingly sell his inventions - they jokingly sell themselves. he just thinks scamming people is fun.

Alternia Rapid Fire Round lets goo

Cronus Megido - Bard of Time. relentlessly flirts with anyone of a higher caste than him in the hopes that, if he can get into a quadrant with them, he'll have more protection than he would as just a solo rustblood. this strategy ultimately fails when he flirts with a particular Serket one too many times and gets killed for it. damn. oh well.

Sollux Nitram - so so tired of everyones shit. the only person that actually vaguely got along with Cronus (because he was the only person that Cronus didn't flirt with). just wants to play his pokemon in peace man stop dragging him into drama

Damara Captor - Witch of Doom. 'curses' people. seems weirdly unsurprised when those curses actually work. after cronus' death, a rumour went around that she was the one who caused it, and she absolutely wasnt denying that shit - now no one wants to fuck with her, and those that do? well, she still has her psiionics.

Meulin Vantas - Mage of Blood. Basically the only fucking thing holding this friendship group together. Despite all the complicated as shit relationships - the friendships, the exes, the mortal enemies, the attempted (and successful) murders - Meulin somehow manages to navigate the web of relationships and keep everyone relatively stable

Jaydee Leijon (Jade) - Witch of Heart. catgirl :33. Wishes she lived closer to everyone so she could see them 33: especially her moirail!! at least she still has her lusus to playfight with

Karkat Maryam - Knight of Space. basically a tboy vampire. Used to live in the caverns, but after he realised he was a dude, he began to feel uncomfortable with how oppressive and 'feminine' the caverns were. ran away. struggles with his identity - the contrast between the typical female jadeblood standards of being caring and nurturing, and the typical alternian female standards of being violent and aggressive, leave him stuck in the middle, unsure of what to do or who hes 'allowed' to be. swings wildly between being aggressive and letting himself care about his friends. he eventually figures out that gender stereotypes are bullshit and he can care abt his friends and still be a dude. hes still an asshole though <3

Eridan Pyrope - Prince of Mind. Incredibly committed to a strict moral code - which... no one can figure out. it seems to vary wildly depending on what suits him best at the specific moment. Used to roam Alternia looking for 'criminals' to 'improve' or, if that failed, 'bring to justice' with one Serket, but after an incident involving the loss of three eyes and one arm... they arent exactly on speaking terms.

Dyrrhk Serket (Dirk) - Prince of Light. i dont know how else to say it this mfer makes saw traps. he claims its to 'improve' people - by putting them through some specific trap, it... fixes a percieved issue? even if its an issue only he can see. and if they die in the trap? well, they should have just tried harder right. they probably deserved it. he isnt even doing this out of a desire to hurt people hes *genuinely* convinced that what hes doing is helping, and thinks that this is the best way to go about it. puts eridan through one one day, resulting in the loss of his vision, and after he (finally) figured out that 'huh maybe that wasnt a good idea', he... apologises. lmao just kidding that would be too reasonable - instead he mind controls one of his friends into putting *dyrrhk* into a trap of his own design, resulting in the loss of an eye and an arm. he seems genuinely convinced that this should make them even. everythings fine now, right? he scares me just on a conceptual level

Tavros Zahhak - Page of Void. hes basically a himbo im ngl. hes tall hes ripped hes clumsy and he cant help but draw attention to himself wherever he goes - attention he *hates*. moirails with jaydee. theyre cute <>

Latula Makara - Knight of Rage. clown... despite the usual purpleblood stereotypes, she doesnt really get angry all that often - most of the time, shes just vibing. but when she *does* get angry? its always for a reason. theres always a specific goal shes fulfilling through that anger (even if its just intimidating someone into doing something). i have the least thoughts about her but shes interesting

Jaiikk Ampora (Jake) - Page of Hope. Just a funny lil guy that likes playing pirates :) all the lowbloods he roleplays with definitely want to be there and don't feel coerced by being 'asked' by a literal violetblood :)) if people die during his 'games' well that sucks but he cant exacly stop playing because of a few small accidents right? ..yyeah. hes incredibly ignorant of his position in society and how that effects other people, even if (especially if) those consequences are deadly for others. after a certain point its just easier to not know whats going on than to face all the damage youve caused right. claims he loves the ocean and dreams of living in the depths. never goes into the ocean. hes a weird guy

Equius Peixes - Heir of Life. Future heir to the Alternian throne. Determined to lead Alternia into a new era of strength, no matter the methods to get there. moirails with Jaiikk (which absolutely doesnt help the whole 'Jaiikk accidentally pressuring lowbloods into doing things for him' thing. bro has scary dog privileges with the future emperor looming behind him at all times)

Even faster Beforus speed round because you cant legally make me think about them for more than five seconds

Porrim Megido - Maid of Time

Feferi Nitram - Witch of Breath

Rose Captor - Seer of Doom

Nepeta Vantas - Rogue of Blood

Kurloz Leijon - Prince of Heart

Aradia Maryam - Mage of Space

Aranea Pyrope - Sylph of Mind

Kanaya Serket - Sylph of Light

Jane Zahhak - Maid of Void

Meenah Makara - Thief of Rage

Terezi Ampora - Seer of Hope

Horuss Peixes - Page of Life

[pheonixkenny]

How do you think other characters would react if they found out about Kenny’s immortality? I kinda go back and forth on this. I have many different ideas on how they’d react depending on how I’m feeling or information I have or w/e. I’m not sure how they would react canonically but I have some of my own ideas. (Ideas listed under the cut.)

Kyle: Given that he was the only one to give him the benefit of the doubt when Kenny mentioned it in “Coon Vs Coon and Friends.” (“Ok, let’s say you’re not crazy and it’s true.”) He would be one of the best at handling it. He does still think it’s kinda cool, but he knows better now than to tell Kenny that. He’s the one who asks him the most questions. (Like, “What’s it like to die? What’s the afterlife like? Do you think you’ll live forever?, etc.) He does feel kinda guilty for not knowing/believing him earlier, thinking he’s a bad friend. He enters big brother protection mode (previously reserved for Ike) around Kenny afterwards to try and keep him from dying so much. Kenny cycles back and forth between being flattered and annoyed about this. He also becomes determined to break Kenny’s curse, researching everything he can about the cult of cthulhu and immortality. The guy has a full on conspiracy board about this within a week.

Cartman: I know a lot of people have the theory that he already knows, it’s a solid theory that holds up logically but I don’t personally believe it because Cartman would absolutely take advantage of Kenny’s little power for his own gain. Anyone else who finds out about it tries to keep it from Cartman for this very reason.

Butters: Butters is a sweetheart so he apologizes profusely and gives Kenny a hug when he finds out. He also hugs Kenny whenever he comes back from a death and tries to comfort him, with varying degrees of success. I also feel like Butters would just believe him without any proof. Given how many of Cartman’s schemes he’s fallen for over the years I think it’s safe to say that he’s pretty gullible. He will believe pretty much anything you tell him. It’s just in this case it happens to be true.

Tweek: I saw a headcanon on here that Tweek would also believe Kenny because, thanks to the Underpants Gnomes, he knows how frustrating it is not to be believed. I love that and am stealing it. He wouldn’t exactly handle the information well though, because that is WAY too much pressure.

Craig: Craig didn’t give a shit when fucking lasers came out of his eyes so it’s safe to say he doesn’t give a shit about this either. He’ll say a sarcastic remark about it once in a while, but that’s about it.

Stan: Hoo boy, Stan. I know that I just recently wrote a fanfiction where Stan is patient and understanding about the whole thing but I changed my mind. So, in “The Cissy” when people around him start experimenting with gender for various reasons Stan gets worried and confused. He reacts similarly during the Tweek and Craig/Yaoi situation in “Tweek x Craig”. And who could forget the time when he didn’t go visit Kenny in the hospital because he couldn’t deal with the situation? (I’m making him sound like a bad kid, he’s not, he’s just sensitive and doesn’t know how to handle some things in the best way.) So now I’m thinking that when he finds out he’ll have another Stan Marsh Existential Crisis (patent pending) and just kinda avoid Kenny for a while. That’s not a good way to handle it but he doesn’t know what else to do. He doesn’t know what to say to the guy. It feels like everything has changed between them. Kyle has to intervene and goes up to Stan like “dude, quit being an idiot and go talk to Kenny. He thinks you hate him now.” (Because I can’t imagine a world where Stan knows and Kyle doesn’t or vice versa.) And he feels bad because he never meant to give him that impression. He still likes him just as much as before, he just needed some time to process everything. So he takes Kyle’s advice and they talk things out. Kenny understands how the information can be a shock and Stan promises not to withdraw like that again when his friends need him. Eventually he gets used to it and it just becomes another quirk that one of his friends has. (Thinking of writing a fic about this scenario but, like I said, I already wrote a fic focusing on Stan and Kenny’s relationship. I should probably use one of my Kyle and Kenny fic ideas first.)

[8aji]

do you think he’ll think i’m really pretty? // s.s.

pairing: shinichiro sano x baji!reader, ft. little brother baji

wc: 1.6k

synopsis: harmless threats will get to you eventually, but you’ll tolerate it as long as he helps you pick out between silver and gold, and a pair of heels.

tags/cw: fluff, gendered terms used on reader (nee-chan), baji is reader's little brother, cursing, baji/reader dynamic centric, shin appears at the end, mentions of knives but in reference to a meme, reader does her makeup and wears earrings, heels aren't explicitly mentioned i just put it in the synopsis, typos, grammarly lied— let me know if i missed anything!

a/n: im so tired idk what to say LMFAO but i hope you enjoy as much as i enjoyed writing it <3 i adore baji so much and he deserves the world. thank u @thelastoreo for helping me figure out my crisis and @guav your flaco shinichiro MWAH!

m.list 𖥻 tags 𖥻 byi/dni

Tunes were tuning, and you were laser-focused on the mirror, ignoring the indescribable mess sitting on the counter. Keisuke sat on the green step stool he used to brush his teeth, cheek smushed against his fist with a bored expression looming on his features. He couldn't help but roll his eyes every time you groaned in discontent, rubbing with your fingertips at the smudged makeup.

“I can’t believe Shinichiro-nii asked you out,”

You whispered a shut up under your breath, rolled your eyes at him and continued flicking the blending brush against your skin. Despite putting together a nice outfit, a dashing makeup look and picking out a couple of accessories, your inherent indecisiveness when it came to impressing Shinichiro Sano was too much for you to handle on your own. 

“He’s too good for you anyway,” He huffed, pouting.

Biting your lip to hide the cheesy smile threatening to grace your features, you ignored his taunt and grabbed both pairs of hoops sitting in front of you. One gold and one silver, you let them dangle on your fingers enjoying the coolness of them both for a bit, before holding them up in front of him.

“He’s so cool and you’re…you— I like the gold ones better.”

The urge to smack the back of his head, overpowering, but you held back. Instead, you agreed with his choice, following him blindly through your wishy-washy decision-making tendencies. 

“You know he rides a motorcycle, right?— I like the red one the most—you can’t even get your driver’s licence,”

You went to pick the colour he was referring—or the one you thought he was referring—to, humming along the song under your breath until you felt his hand smack yours. It didn’t hurt, per se, but it did make you flinch in surprise, almost gasping in disbelief. He stood up, hands on his hips, annoyed, a disproving look in his eyes.

“I meant the other red, see? You’re dumb.”

How silly of you, almost as if the lipsticks you had shoved under his nose for him to pick were all varying shades of the same colour, red.

“I’m dumb? You can’t even write your own name, stupid.”

“You didn't— Mom! Nee-chan called me stupid!”

“Shut the fuck— I didn’t! Keisuke’s lying!” 

“I’m not! You said— oh, pick that sparkly one.”

All it really took to calm him down was to show him a couple of highlighter options for him to choose from, little fangs poking his bottom lip as he grinned. He’d never admit to it out loud, but even if you didn’t force him to work as moral support, he’d willingly keep you company while you got your makeup done, entranced with the way different products sparkled under the bathroom lights, entranced with the way you seemed to be using your face as a canvas.

He sat back down, legs dangling back and forth. Cute, anyone would think, but the smugness behind those evil-manipulative-child-sized eyes made your blood boil, frowning because you knew, he knew you needed him on your good side, play nice with him for reasons like a) needing his help, and b) if you wanted your mom to let you hang out with the love of your life. And, you knew, he knew, you knew that; he’d be stupid not to exploit this opportunity.

“Where are you guys going anyway?”

“None of your business.”

“Remember that time you broke the tv?” He asked, eyes sparkling as if he didn’t know what he was doing. “you had to use my piggy bank to buy a new one before mom got home, do you think she noticed the colour change?"

“We’re going to a party.” Muttering the answer between gritted teeth, your response made him sparkle with joy. He looked uncannily similar to the smug cat from that one meme.

“What kind of party?”

“Why do you care?”

“I think the pan you threw at me once still has a dent on it.”

Vibing to the music coming out of your phone’s speakers was getting progressively harder, you could almost feel a vein pop out on your temple, you could only take so much teasing without being able to ‘jab back’. Even if you asked him how the hell he got so annoying, he’d probably Uno-reverse-card you, tell you he learned it all from you.

“When are you leaving anyway? I don’t wanna see your ugly face anymore—”

“Keisuke,” you cut him off, making eye contact with him through the mirror; he shuddered. You could handle being threatened with a death sentence, AKA him snitching to your mom, but would not tolerate this little shit (endearingly, and only slightly threatening) calling you ugly. “Rephrase that.”

“Sorry,” he disliked getting scolded, but even he had to admit he might’ve gone just a little too far; breaking the unspoken rule of never mocking each other’s appearances. “I meant, when is Shinichiro-nii getting here? I wanna see him.” 

Right after mentioning your beloved his best friend’s brother, the roaring sound of a motorcycle engine broke through the music, catching the both of you off-guard. It was only when it shut down that you looked at each other, making eye contact in a state of despair.

“Grab me a pair of heels while I finish here.”

This time he didn’t try to playfully exploit his role as an executive assistant, instead going straight to your closet and picking a pair of shoes that went the best—or at least good according to a child’s standards—with the outfit you chose, helping you fasten the straps on your ankles as you finished spritzing some setting spray.

He ran out the door, screaming SHIN-NII!!!!!! as if he hadn't seen the older boy in forever, jumping onto his arms and making him lose his balance as the both of them laughed. 

“I missed you!” He exclaimed, beaming as Shinichiro ruffled his hair after putting him down. “Can I please sit on your bike?”

Their laughter could be heard from inside the house, and after you let your mom know you were heading out, you were met with the wholesome scene of Keisuke sitting in front of Shin, as the older tried teaching him the correct way to hold onto the hand clutch, how to switch on and off the light, and so on. 

You didn't dare intrude on the moment, though announcing your presence wasn't necessary because as soon as you entered your brother’s peripheral field of vision, he called out to you.

“Nee-chan! Look! Shin-nii is teaching me how to ride a bike!”

The sudden intrusion made his companion stumble, trying to stabilise the bike as Keisuke tried to stand on the seat. Still, even after regaining his balance, he fumbled, hard, as soon as he took a moment to take in the sight of you, almost missing the bike when he tried leaning against it, in a very nonchalant, very not Shinichiro, way.

“Hey,” he prays to anything out there that you didn't notice the subtle voice crack that accompanied his words; news flash, you did. “You look really neat, nice, I meant nice.”

“Just nice?” you teased, not letting the opportunity of taking the upper hand go; he was cute while flustered.

“I– no, I meant that I think you’re really pretty.”

“Thanks.” You beamed, soaking in the praise like a cat would roll around in the sun, though trying to keep your cool regardless. After all, You were as weak for him as Shinichiro was for you.

But good things don’t last, because of course he saw the opportunity to tease you back, even if his teasing sucked and left him a bigger flustered mess.

“So you agree?” another one of your boys looked like the smug cat with a knife against his throat. “You think you’re really pretty?”

“I’m never showing you the shit I like again.” 

Ah, Shinichiro Sano, to get lost in his eyes was not only the ultimate fantasy but a very plausible reality, that was until Keisuke tugged on your hand, shaking the jar he had taken from the kitchen in what seemed like milliseconds.

“Swear jar,” he prodded. You rolled your eyes, once again basking in Shin’s chuckle as you searched in your purse for some loose change. “You said ‘shit’.”

The clatter of coins filled in the comfortable silence, it seemed to satisfy your brother enough because without any other words he took the jar back inside.

“Shall we go now?” you cocked your head lightly, holding back the urge—how many urges did you need to hold back today, huh?—to kiss him right there and then. “‘Don’t wanna be later than we already are.”

"Sure, but, uh, movie references aside," he joked, running his hand through his dark locks. He grabbed the spare helmet hanging from the handle of his bike and fastened the straps against your neck, the slight touch making your heart flutter. "I do think you look really pretty, all the ti—”

“Wait!”

Neverendless energy giving him what seemed like a boost of speed, Keisuke made his way back to you, side-eyeing Shinichiro—in the oddest fashion possible because this man was something akin to an idol to your little brother—and signaled for you to lower your head to his height, wanting to whisper something in your ear.

“I’m sorry for calling you ugly,” he mumbled, though his whispering voice was still something that needed some tweaks here and there because Shin could hear the message loud and clear. “I think you’re always pretty.”

And after a quick hug, careful enough for you not to tumble over, and an enthusiastic wave, he was gone.

That’s what Keisuke was for, moral support.

“Okay so, this shirt,” he said, raising the hanger a little higher to emphasise his options. “Or this shirt.”

“They’re both white shirts.” Manjiro deadpanned, speaking despite the lollipop poking at his cheek.

Shinichiro rolled his eyes, a groan threatening to leave his throat in discontent. He would’ve asked Emma for help, she’d give him pretty decent advice, but she was hanging out with some friends from school. So Manjiro it was, and he could use all the advice he could get regardless of what, or who, the source of information was; he too, could be indecisive when it came to you. 

“They’re not,” He retaliated, pointing at one of the shirt’s sleeves with his eyes. “This one is longer than the other.”

Manjiro sighed, laying completely flat on his brother’s bed as if he had given up on helping the unhelpable. 

“I don’t understand why y/n nee-chan said yes to you,” already having the habit of teasing the shit out of his big brother, the jabs that left his lips came out way too flawlessly. But because Manjiro, despite being a little shit, knew his brother was struggling so he decided to go a little softer on him. 

“Nee-chan is so cool and,” yeah, going a little softer on Shin would work, he wasn’t heartless after all. “You suck.”

Yeah, Shin should've just begged Emma to stay.

© 2022 SHINACHIRO ; Do not repost my work. Do not recommend my work outside of tumblr. Do not translate my work.

[itsgrimeytime]

Home is Where the Heart is (Part Two) || Farmer!Rick Grimes (TWD) x Teacher!GN!reader AU

Part 1...

rick grimes taglist: @golden-hoax

AVAILABLE ON AO3

Inspiration: Like Real People Do by Hozier.

Summary: Your life was spinning out of control, you knew that. After a string of particularly shattering events, you decided it was time to start anew. With a little help from one of your Grandma's rentals, you found yourself in the small town of Alexandria. The last thing you expected was your neighbor, Rick Grimes.

TWS: starting over, swearing, and identity crisis.

[[A/N: pretty is used gender neutrally here, so if you don't like that I'm sorry!!!Thanks for reading !!! For that anon, ly <3, enjoy :))) ]]

You were staring at your computer screen, the empty word document not quite intimidating you but it was definitely... something. The flickering little line that showed where you were typing was starting to get annoying though.

It was a lesson plan, one of the first ones actually, but one you had put off until further notice. Just something about the circulum hadn't sat right with you that day so you pushed it off. And then you pushed it off again, and again, and again-

Needless to say, you were now about two weeks away from your first-ever semester. Solo semester. You'd been a teacher's aide before, but never... never on your own. Just 'a lack of positions where you lived, and you weren't willing to relocate' problem, really. It was exciting and nervewracking and a lot-

Your life couldn't have been upturned at a worse time, honestly. Especially with so little experience on your own, but you told yourself you'd own it. You'd-

Just as you were getting into the groove of your writing process, your laptop flickered off. And then, you noticed the lights were off too. Your power was out.

"Fuck," you groaned out, half tempted to through your head down onto the table.

It wasn't a surprise, really. You knew that the internet wasn't exactly the best out here, and you'd bet that the electricity would be a little spotty too. But just because it made sense, didn't make it any less shitty.

You roamed outside, hoping to possibly get some cell service -to call the electricity company, or maybe your Grandma? Actually, now that you thought of it, you weren't sure that you knew who did the electricity of the house-

"Funny seein' you 'ere," the deep drawl lured you out of your thoughts -southern beyond belief.

You shifted, shading your eyes from the sun but just enough in his direction to see him. He stood tall, the morning looked good on him, his curls freshly washed and shirt unstained. The breeze of the morning tussled him slightly, and despite the warmth, he didn't look bothered by it. Out on the front porch in a set of pajama pants and coffee held gently in his hands -it looked warm, was Rick Grimes.

"Hey," you responded, dumbfounded -your brain had all but flatlined at the man... again.

He looked at you questioning, the slightest raise of an eyebrow -a sort of small smile brushing across the brim of his mug (almost teasing), "You're up early."

"Too early," you groaned, taking a seat on your porch in a delicately colored rocking chair -your Grandma's doing if you had to guess, "-working on some lesson plans I should've done months ago."

"Lesson plans? You the new teacher?"

You laughed, slightly, nervous, "Word spreads fast around here, then?"

"Always," he grinned, "-you'd be lucky to do anythin' out here without commentary."

You smiled, looking out into your yard -the billowing grass and trees were unfamiliar but peaceful. It was nice to just exist for a moment with someone else, even if you hardly knew them, it was nice. Freeing, even.

"What's the lead theory as to why I'm here?"

"Not sure," Rick paused, tilting his head towards you, attentive, "-why you got a good reason?"

"A super mysterious one," you answered back -playfully, "-what do you think I should go with? Spy overseas, or undercover royalty under witness protection?"

He chuckled, lightly, and something in your chest fluttered -the deep timber swimming into your head. He has a nice laugh, you noted somewhere far away in your head. It was just a thought, you'd let your brain get away with it this once.

"You lookin' for better stories or more intrigue?"

"Intrigue," you answered -doing a dramatic gesture with your hands, almost theatrical, "-no one should truly know me."

"Royalty," he responded -unflinchingly, "-ya look the part too."

You gasped, faux-offended, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're pretty," he answered, fluidly -as if the words out of his mouth were nothing but the truth, "-too pretty to be 'ere. Makes more sense."

"Oh," your mouth clicked shut -blush rising on your cheeks (chanting in your head, probably married, probably married, proba-), "-thank you. Good to know what I could get away with."

"Just the truth," he responded, one hand brushing over his beard as his coffee was set down on the top of the fence -a bit precariously.

You laughed, tilting your head back and rocking further from the motion -the buzz in your stomach was a teeny-tiny little thing. It wasn't anything to worry about, you knew better. You knew better than to walk right back into it again, believe and ignore and love-

It wasn't the time.

"Still," you added -smiley and with an accent you couldn't quite name, "-you'll back me up on my backstory? Death threats from my home kingdom ran away for safety."

He grinned -something big and bright, and it made you falter for a moment, "Sure, I'll tell 'em myself if I 'ave to."

You stilled, ever so slightly -eyes heavily focused on the world in front of you, intent like once you looked away it would disappear. Or maybe you would, back in that apartment, back with...

"Everythin' okay?" Rick interrupted, blue eyes intently on you -he must've noticed.

"What? Yeah-" you cleared your throat, blinking away some of the fog in your eyes -hoping he didn't see, "-Sorry, just got lost in my thoughts. I... I really need to get back to my lesson plans actually."

"Well-"

You interrupted, standing to your feet, "How long does a power outage usual last out here?"

He merely furrowed his eyebrows at you, somewhat understanding that something was bothering you but he didn't push, "Just a few minutes at most, maybe an hour if the weather's bad."

"Okay, good," you sighed in relief, before straightening and turning back to him -schooling your face into something more normal, neutral, "-It was nice talking to you, Rick. I'll... I'll see you around, yeah?"

"Yeah," he nodded, a sort of low grumble that seemed almost slurred in the morning, timber that shook your bones, "-and Y/N?"

"Yes?"

"If you ever... need anythin'," he started -carefully, blue eyes flickering over you with a concern you hadn't felt in a bit, "-I'm just a door down. Anythin'."

"Okay," you responded, quietly, genuinely, "-I'll be sure to take you up on that, Grimes."

[pebiejeebies]

I’m having an identity crisis../vneg

(It’s kinda like why I didn’t post much ig.. I’m so sorry)

It’s not like gender identity, or theriotype Identity

more like who the fuck am I?? (OSDD/DID/Systems pls interact,, I think I might be a system)

One day I feel like pinkie pie, bouncing around the walls and making everyone smile, in the SAME day, I get so angry and annoying, or oddly get good grammar without misspellings..

ASK @akalikestodraw OMFG. We had like a sad therapy session and when I was on my phone (Keep in mind that the keyboard makes me misspell TOO MUCH, and even @moon-fence can agree,, lmao) I was SO FORMAL

I used fancy words, I even used the period most of the time?? I barely misspelled???? WHAT?? Then after the vent suddenly I’m back to misspelling again?? WHAT???? Keep in mind AGAIN that I was typing pretty fast in both situations, and the faster I type the more likely I am to misspell

For some reason, this happens to me a lot, I have other weird things too

I used to draw on procreate, magma, whiteboard fox, and ibis, AND EVEN THE FILES APP.

AND i SWEAR my artstyle was so specific, in each and every one of these apps, it’s as if I flipped a switch in my brain when I went to one of them.. EVEN IRL MY ARTSTYLE IS SO DIFFERENT.

I’ve been having so much weird memory gaps and slight hallucinations

I remember last night I swear I saw someone’s face on my pillow

And sometimes when I cover my eyes with my fingers I see something that resembles a human, or at least a face of something

The eyes always were vivid, but rarely I’d see the mouth and the rest (idk if this counts as anything but it always intrigues me since I never hear my sisters having the same thing)

I feel like I don’t control my body alone yk?? Like sometimes I’m on autopilot and everything is just happening, kinda like right now while I’m typing this

sometimes I start feeling like I don’t exist, sometimes I feel like what I post is always going to be ignored because I know I don’t exist, and sometimes I think it’s the opposite

Sometimes I think I’m the only one alive seeing anything from text on a screen, and some images, there were just so many times and experiences that don’t feel right

If I am one person, why do I feel like ten different personalities keep switching on and off? IS THAT WHY IVE BEEN GETTING THESE WEEKLY VENTS IN THE PAST??

I’m either in constant stress and anxiety, or constant exhaustion and pain, OR constant excitement and energy

there’s still so much about me but I know nobody is interested in a long ugly essay about my shitty ass identity crisis

right now, I feel like my memories are just stuck to this moment.. I just wish I knew who the fuck I am at this point

[transmascaraa]

Could you possibly write hcs for childe and his younger brother reader?

His brother is having a sexuality crisis and childe finds out, FLUFF ENSUES

Pls feed me I'm starving I need more genshin men as brother figures 🙏🏻

brother!childe headcannons!

he's there to help.

older brother!childe & younger brother!reader

author's note: closed reqs for a while i have 18 reqs lmao it's okay tho i'll put them open again at like around 5 reqs idk lol i hope you like this<3 i'm not a big fan of childe but ig it's worth a try🤷‍♂️

"you need my help?"

-he was a good older brother, let's be honest.

-he would take care of you, but not too much.

-he'll teach you how to "fight for yourself", because "you're a man".

-he wasn't wrong, but you were already strong enough.

-another thing that i think suits him, is that he would annoy you untill you hit him as hard as you could.

-fucking asshole.

-so, one day, you were having a sexuality crisis.

-do you like men?

-do you like women?

-do you like other genders?

-do you like anyone at all?

-do you like everyone?

-a million of thoughs running through your head.

-not knowing who you like, and if you even like anyone at all.

-suddenly, you felt a hand on your shoulder.

-"hey, [name], what's got you so worked up?" he sat beside you, putting an arm around your shoulders.

-"none of your business..." you ignored him, continuing to think.

-"i can try and help." he says confidently.

-"you? help? hah, don't make me laugh." you chuckled sarcastically at him, rolling your eyes.

-"please?"

-"fine."

-he cherred a bit and then calmed down, waiting for you to speak up.

-"just... a sexuality crisis. there, are you happy now?" you said, clearly irritated by him.

-"oh, i can help with that!" he exclaimed as he started asking some questions and saying some stuff like a boring teacher who thinks that their subject is really fun but in fact it's like maths

-"yeah, yeah, i get it..." you regret telling him.

-but soon, you found yourself quite intrigued by what he told you.

-telling you that it's okay.

-to take your time.

-that you can just say that you're unlabeled.

-you found it nice of him- wait, who said that?

-after he finally finished his long ass paragraph, he asked one last question.

-"so do you understand now? that it's okay? my younger brother deserves help, after all." he asked, giving you a small but genuine smile after.

-"yeah... i guess i do. thanks." you say, looking back at him, but not letting yourself smile.

-if only you were the older one... he would basically be thoma.

~~~~~

i liked it

i don't like childe but these hcs are nice

thanks for the req anon<3

[dragon-phoenix-along]

The amazing digital circus cast according to me [stressed, tired, brain dead]

New jester, Pawmi. Babies first existential crisis. Cant wait to see her break <3

King chess piece, Kingler (???) Hes nuts, I like him. I’m pretty shure I’ve seen fanart with him and his wife/son and I love it. He’s such a mood 2/3 braincell.

Rag doll Hagitha? Sweetheart, One happening away from having a breakdown. Fem Lesbian.

Ribbon thing, don’t remember their name. MPD on legs, they need a hug and some midol. Or somthing. Maybe like 20% more drugs. Love their charater design! The true NB who may be annoying if their current bit keeps them depressed.

Rabbit man Jax. 10/10 Twink, mean, could be beaten by a push door.

Zooble, animators and artists worst nightmare. Depressed nonbinary wlw. Would kill Jax in a friend way. Favorite main cast. I will never make fan art.

Host, cane the mouth eye guy. Hc that he was the programmer of this and got sucked in. Man’s is fucking NUTS. I’m very close to hating him, but like in the good way. Kinda want to push him under a bus.

Bubble, the bubble. MY FAVORITE!! SPHERE!!! WITH GOOGLY EYES!!! AND NO BRAIN!! Bubble is like if jellyfish were 200% better and a bimbo. They have no gender but are a bimbo.

[woodenchip]

DANGANRONPA 2 GENERAL HEADCANONS

Just some headcanons that I wrote down, most of it is just pure nonsense and I love that for me

🍊Hajime Hinata🍊

•TRANS MASC (HE'S JUST LIKE ME FR)

•Bi man, big bi man (men pref)

•He doesn't untie his tie, he just makes it loose enough to slip it on and off

•Is like really quiet when you don't know him, but once he's comfortable with you he has no control over what he says

•Deals with intrusive thoughts

•He's so silly

•Has ADD or ADHD and OCD

•Sleeps in the fetal position

🍖Akane Owari🍖

•My favorite Demiromantic demigirl

•My girl is sex REPOLST

•Aoi is her cousin

•Akane is so proud of Aoi

•High metabolism omg

•Whenever she got bored doing something with gymnastics she'd go up to little kids and show off

•"You wanna see what I can do-"

•She hopes that by showing off the kids get inspired by her and work hard

•She's really good with kids, like #1 babysitter type shit

•Her and Kazuichi are close too

•Like bff's

⚜️The Ultimate Imposter⚜️

•Agender. Definitely Agender

•They/It motherfucker

•gently holds them

•I LOVE THEM SO MUCH :((

•Everytime they disguise themselves an identity crisis happens

•"No one knows who I really am :), but also, no one knows who I really am :("

•Has a very empty room

•like, little to nothing

•CAREGIVER, I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

👾Chiaki Nanami👾

•My silly little she/they lesbian

•Tbh I also feel like she's aroace

•My girl is a whole program, I doubt they care about all that‼️

•Loves Mario Kart

•OCD

•Collects old school gaming controllers and stuff

🩸Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu🩸

•HE/HIM BUTCH LESBIAN

•but also he/him trans masc

•no matter what he's trans, I don't make the rules

•With the Trans fem headcanon I love him with Peko

•They are my silly lesbians♥️

•Has so many scars

•I LOVE HIM

•He does age regression

•I DON'T MAKE THE RULES

•Let me project

🐹Gundham Tanaka🐹

•HE/SHE/THEY NON-BINARY SILLY

•They are simply too cool for gender

•Autism?

•Autism.

• yk that one meme that's like "When I go nonverbal at the function"

•Yeah, that's them

•Has costumes for the Dark Devas of Destruction

•HAS MATCHING COSTUMES WITH THEM

👘Hiyoko Saionji👘

•Lesbian‼️‼️

•Her and Imposter are so Sibling coded

•Like her calling him "Ham hands!" SIBLINGS

•I like found family :)

•Like Hiyoko would annoy them so much but will apologize ONLY to them

•Even with Mahiru, Hiyoko will give her half-ass apologies

•HIYOKO AND IMPOSTER FRIENDSHIP‼️

🎸Ibuki Mioda🎸

•My bi-con

•When she gets Overstimulated she just gets more verbal

•Like "omg it's so loud in here??? Should I be louder? I should-"

•She has like those noise cancelling headphones for when she sleeps because of her heightened hearing

•Without the headphones? Not a wink of sleep

•ADHD and OCD

•Whenever she doesn't concerts she makes friends with the staff (or at least tries to)

•Ibuki and Kazuichi have sleepovers and watch kid shows together just for the fun of it

🔧Kazuichi Soda🔧

•AGAIN, TRANS FEM OR MASC THEY BOTH WORK

•LIKE THAT ONE PART OF KAZ SAYING THAT HE WOULD WANT TO BE A WOMAN TO TALK TO SONIA CASUALLY???? SCREAMS TRANS FEM

•also his thing with Sonia? That's not a crush, that's gender envy. (Let me be silly with this)

•Like his eyeliner in game?? No cis man would be able to do that/hj

•Also has the tism

•NEEDS TO BE HOLDING SOMETHING, ANYTHING

•Has like, a box of stim toys

•DOES JUMPY AND TIPPY TOE STIMS

•They really like the feeling of Gundhams scarf

•ALSO DOES LITTLE SPACE

•Let me project onto them😡

📸Mahiru Koizumi📸

•Lesbian or Panromantic

•Big asexual icon

•She forgets things so easily (Main reason why she took up photography)

•She's always late to the first class of the day because she sees something really pretty and takes multiple pictures of it

💉Mikan Tsumiki💉

•DEMISEXUAL, MY HOMEGIRL HAS TO GET CLOSE TO SOMEONE BEFORE SHE EVEN THINKS ABOUT A RELATIONSHIP

•She's also trans fem

•Gently holds her omg

•She asked Nagito to help fix her hair

•He fucked it up more

•Like you know that one part of her bangs that's shorter than the other strands? He did that

•Nagito and her would be silly friends

•"Why would an amazing Ultimate like you want to be friends with a worthless human like me?"

•She'd say something like- "Because you're not that bad, you just get unlucky sometimes, just like me!"

•Like, with how she falls, she's definitely unlucky

•SHE'S ALSO HYPERSEXUAL

🍀Nagito Komaeda🍀

•I really dislike him so I have very little

•My guy is definitely a He/They

•Is (somewhat) close to most of the Lucky students

•He'd end up degrading them though

•"It's amazing how we got into Hopes Peak from just luck!" "I know, how worthless is it that we are only here because of a name drawing!"

•He doesn't have many friends

•And with the few he does have, he just doesn't understand??

•like, my man is struggling to understand why HE has friends

🌪️Nekomaru Nidai🌪️

•The only cis Man here istg

•I love him so much omg

•He would help younger students train and just exercise

•Like him, Mondo, and Taka, they were like besties

•Taka would look up to him SO MUCH

•I'm also a Taka lover, be warned

•Also really good with kids

•Type of person to swing the swings so hard that it tangles up

•Akane would have to fix the swings

•He's just so silly :((

🎭Peko Pekoyama🎭

•FUTCH LESBIAN, HER AND FUYUHIKO ARE MY SILLY LITTLE LESBIANS, I LOVE THEM.

•She's near sighted

•She HATES contacts

•No matter what she does she doesn't take off her glasses, she wears them in the shower, in the pool, everywhere (just like me)

•Her eyesight gets worse and worse everyday/hj

•CARETAKER‼️‼️

•I LOVE HER SO MUCH

•Near sighted

👑Sonia Nevermind👑

•My girl experiments with pronouns and labels

•She's knows she likes woman though, 100%

•Going with the Trans Fem Kazuichi headcanon: she'd help Kaz with clothes

•Like, "You should try this on-"

•Of course she wouldn't forgive Kaz with the weird harassing thingy but she'd be okay with them after a while

•Sonia doesn't hold grudges

•I'm also a Kazuichi apologist ‼️

•SONIA WOULD CRY IF SHE MET GENOCIDER SHO

•CRYING OF HAPPINESS, LIKE‼️‼️

•"Omg- I've been watching police reports of you since you first started killing-!"

•She would watch Gundham's animals and dress them up in fancy little animals clothes

🍴Teruteru Hanamura🍴

•Pansexual

•We already knew that though

•I have like, nothing for him

•I don't like him >:(

•Loves those really corny romance shows

•Like the really bad ones that suck? Yeah, those

•He has a whole notebook with his mother's recipes for when he left to go to Hopes peak so he could cook them whenever he got homesick :(

•He HATES sharing recipes to other people

•Can NOT work in the kitchen with someone else

•MOVE OUT OF HIS WAY, HE WILL SHOVE YOU‼️

[laurasauras]

3,20,38

3. Is there a trope you wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole?

whenever i find myself thinking like this, it usually prompts me to go, okay, so how do i make it work.

the easy example is hanahaki--it's always been a trope that's annoyed me because it feels like weaponised victimhood and i couldn't get past how shitty the target of hanahaki would feel. so one day i come across it and i get to thinking, okay smartass, you do it better then! and from that i wrote two fics and an rp about characters who got hanahaki for people they both really didn't want to have it for and who couldn't have the surgery. i wanted to see what it'd be like if i gave it the highest stakes i could think of, and i think Excise My Broken Heart (unrequited daverose) is one of the best things i've written

in terms of ones i haven't done and really can't see myself doing though, pregnancy freaks me the fuck out so i don't think i could write anything more detailed than a tacky gender reveal party without getting squicked. and despite using 2nd person constantly due to the homestuck of it all, i find y/n fics to be tooooo ... idk directed? i don't have a problem with people reading my fics and getting off or with getting off while imagining themselves as the characters, but i'm not writing to get people off. not my cuppa tea! even in my porniest you better believe there's a character observation i'm proud of making!

20. Describe your perfect writing conditions.

okay so when i want to write i make myself a cup of tea/milo or boozy beverage of my choice, get in comfy clothes and sit where i always sit (my armchair, probably cross-legged) with all the things that give off notifications exited out of so i can't see the (1) of it all. i'm not hungry, i've taken my meds and i've had a shower recently enough that i'm not distracted by hygiene

when i need to write, same thing except i'm listening to Alive 2007, daft punk's live album where they mash up a bunch of their songs. it is magic for making me focus

38. Talk about a review that made your day.

one that i still think about is from Yet Another Crisis, where roxy is making her bad mental health everyone else's problem as well, which was a vent fic about my brother acting out before anyone knew he was trans. a commenter said that it really resonated with them, i shared the inspiration and they were like welp, that's why it resonated! they said, "I suspect I'm going to end up sharing this fic with my therapist, and maybe even my mother someday when she's ready to listen" and i will never stop thinking about how something i wrote was meaningful enough that someone feels that by sharing it, they can be known better. nothing tops that!

i actually keep a doc (that i always forget to update) with comments that have particularly made me smile. i'm fortunate enough to get a lot and i treasure them all, but some of them deserve to be squirreled away for days when i need to be reminded that my art has impact on people and by doing something i love, i have brought happiness (and a whole bunch of other emotions) to wonderful people 💛

[wolves0nmars]

i loved cal bowman's arc in season 4 of sex education. it was one of the first times i've ever felt seen in any trans rep on television.

SO so much trans rep is so white. and all of it is so passing. when i look at the trans people i see on screen, specifically the trans kids i see on screen, and then i look at the trans people in my life... something does not add up. one of the biggest problems the trans community is facing rn is access to medical transition between crisis in the NHS, and growingly restrictive laws in the US. and it all applies so much more heavily on trans kids. but the trans teens i see on screen are all... um. well, they're played by 24 year old models. they've been on HRT for years, and they'll typically have ffs/top surgery. which is really not the slightest bit relatable to actual trans teens.

but back to cal. because cal is a complete rebellion of all this. cal is not white, cal is not transfemme, and most of all, they are very early in their transition.

throughout season 4, they literally compare themselves to the other transmasc kid on the show. 2? in 1 show? i know right!!! roman has top surgery, and has clearly been on HRT for at least a couple months. this is the trans teen representation that we see all the time!!! something that is so out of reach from most trans kids. but cal is not like roman. cal is on a waiting list for top surgery, and can't afford it if they go private. the private HRT is already expensive enough. they are also literally just starting HRT. that is a lot more relevant to real trans kids, who are probably kind of just starting it or haven't at all. looking at roman makes cal so dysphoric and envious, because it's everything they can't have. that is the reality of a lot of trans kids. that is the precise discrepancy between trans rep and real trans people. and when cal literally runs away, not to get anywhere, not to run to the netherlands or something. but just to sit on a rock and look out at a world which they don't belong in.

i have never felt more fucking seen in my life.

and some even more stuff, 1, cal's mom. she supports cal... but she doesn't really... get it? its giving left leaning centrist. it's giving average joe or josephine. its giving... my mother!!! hahaa ha

and 2, roman. i said roman is kind of a representation of a lot of the trans rep we see but thats not actually completely true. most of the trans rep we see is white, thin, and minimalist. and also transfemme but thats a conversation for another time! what i mean when i say minimalist is that the androgyny and gender noncomformity of it is very... nothing. i guess it's the difference between being enby as in neither gender, and being enby as in both genders. the androgyny we see all the time is very masculine, with short hair, short nails, no boobs, no bulge, no color, no nothing. i think this post describes that pretty well. i would definitely recommend reading it.

but roman on the other hand, is not white, has long hair, and long nails. he isn't performing that kind of masculinity that's... expendable?blends into the background. he's performing a kind of femininity which is loud, which is something to be looked at, something to be admired. and thats the kind of androgyny we need to see more often.

overall, i really really enjoyed the trans storylines in this season, and i would definitely recommend watching it. just skip over all the otis parts cause hes a annoying little bitch

[brainrotdotorg]

ITS ABSOLUTELY DIVINE THAT YOU MADE THE CUNOESSE BLOG!!! i was just thinking about the klaasjeruby + cunoesse dynamic. (btw the asks on that blog so im dropping this heeeere)

first of all, i think cunoesse would absorb ruby's personality. bc in this au cuno (in her eyes) betrayed her, she is probably very possesive of ruby once they actually bond. can absolutely see her changing her name to something that sounds like ruby (ruin? rue as in rue the day? ruby calls her kangaroo once and gets hissed at) and then like. having an identity crisis because she learns ruby isn't a natural ginger. cunoesse may feel shut out because ruby will not tell her things that cuno would have done (nightmares, for example) while ruby is just trying to be The One Decent Adult This Kid Has Ever Seen

would she view klaasje as competition? i think the inevitable answer is yes, because klaasje has the 'upper hand' as both knowing ruby beforehand and being an adult. and again, by being scarred from cuno betraying her, c might view ruby's kindess as conditional, and would attempts to like...become ruby's guard dog???? as in, if klaasje does something to make ruby upset or annoyed, cunoesse is on high alert. to klaasje, its a mix of eventual fondess for c as well as apprehension, because a child tailing after a moralintern fugitive and a la puta madre run away is a massive vunerability.

i think she ends up transing c's gender though. c asks her how she slips through so many different persona's, and she gives some poetic metaphor about consuming the previous self to sustain the future, only for c to go 'i have to eat cuno's gender. got it 👍'

i

kicking my feet in delight as i listen to all of this . love the idea of her eating cunos gender

VERY fun interpretations of the way things could go when c runs aaway with ruby i loooooove the kangaroo bit lol. in my version of events ruby doesnt run away with klaasje, i dont really see them together bc klassje did ruby SOOOOOO fucking dirty (it was for survival ofc and shes got her own shit going on but for the sake of au. its ruby c roadtrip time)

i think the two dye their hair together in a truckstop bathroom and c goes with a crazy color. maybe blue or something. something that when she looks in the mirror it doesnt remind her of cuno anymore. its amazing how much a color can change a person entirely. ruby dyes her hair too for safety since shes on the run but she helps out c with the entire process

i think now that c has a good role model (ruby is KIND she is SELFLESS she is GENEROUS she is CONSIDERATE she is BUTCH AND AWESOME) (also hell now she just has. any role model in her life.) she doesnt exactly mellow out but ruby helps her in a lot of ways. she still will wake up screaming in the night and will curse out ruby when shes scared or mad and sometimes will regress and pretend shes a creature to cope again. but now shes got an adult in her life that cares about her

its a process that the two get to know each other by, c doesnt want to talk about her shit and ruby doesnt appreciate being called a dyke every other sentence. they for SURE have a tough time adjusting. but they adjust. because what else are they going to do?

ruby probably knows how it is to be a little girl thats scared. we dont know a ton about her past but i would imagine that she was probably the type that was visibly queer from a young age and learned that this was not a world that was made with her in mind. and it wasnt made for c either. they both know how to run and theyre running together instead of running with people who dont help them get better. c is just a kid and shes a kid who deserves better. the two really help each other.