#funny dm

[chronicillnesshumor]

[foldingfittedsheets]

Our friend Richard is staying with us and I was reminded of one of his dating escapades that always made me laugh.

He’d met this girl online, and they’d been chatting for days. She was cautious but he didn’t mind as online dating does have some risks. Finally, though, they set an in person date to meet up.

It seemed to be going okay until about midway through the date when she said, “I have an important question, I ask it on every first date.”

He sat up attentively.

“If you were asleep in your bed and woke up to see two small purple aliens going through your laundry what would you do?”

He was briefly stunned by the question but gave it some thought. Finally he said, “I’d pretend to still be sleeping and observe them. If they weren’t doing anything more I’d try to greet them.”

She gave a hmm and the subject moved on. Later, when she was driving him home she informed him, “I don’t think this is gonna work out. You don’t show a healthy sense of fear.”

He bore this pronouncement with grace and wondered what the right answer would have been.

The car sailed through the night which was made darker by the extremely thick forest towering over the road. No moonlight or stars could penetrate the thick canopy.

They rode in silence until she finally remarked, “Wow, this would be the perfect place to hide a body.”

Richard, a man lacking a healthy sense of fear, could recognize that her sense of fear was well honed. Therefore, he held his tongue on the fact that his good friend had in fact stumbled across a dead body in those woods a month prior.

[simplydm]

Impulse leading the emergency hermitcraft meeting voice: okay now everyone vaguepost online

[rambles-about-minecraft-ocs]

theres something so funny to me when hermits are talking about redstone and theyre like "and then theres an etho hopper clock here-"

like. of course they use etho hopper clocks, itd be weirder if they actively avoided using it, considering its like. a redstone thingy that is very useful and still works even after all this time, and from what i understand it was like. a pretty big deal in terms of useful things you could do with redstone back when he first made it because it opened up ways to do even more things with redstone

and like for the most part theyve probably been referring to that particular thing as an etho hopper clock for longer than theyve even known etho personally, considering the etho hopper clock predates his joining hermitcraft by at least 1-2 years, and several of the other hermits joining hermitcraft by even more. so of course they still call it that

on a related note, most of them likely had at least heard of etho before meeting him, even if they didnt personally watch him (tho i know some did) since he was an old school minecraft youtuber. like his original season 1 of "lets play minecraft" started when minecraft was so new it hadnt been officially released yet. literally back in minecraft alpha. he was a minecraft youtuber OG

so with those two points taken into consideration it completely makes sense that "etho hopper clock" is something ingrained into the terminology of anyone that does stuff with redstone somewhat regularly. theres no reason it wouldnt be

but when you put it into contrast with like. their actual interactions with etho. it kind of cracks me up???

its like. in my head the vibes are this: imagine building something and being like "okay guys, for this machine we need to use an archimedes screw, which is named of course after its inventor archimedes, a man so genius that to this day he is regarded as one of the most brilliant inventors and mathematicians to ever walk this earth" and then like thirty minutes later you go to a restaurant and you see archimedes, of classic antiquity fame, trying to eat a sandwich but the ingredients keep falling out in increasingly comedic manners. so you of course call him pathetic to his face, and then ask if he wants to try out your new totally-not-a-scam product that you carry on you at all times for opportunities like these. and for some reason he doesnt just say yes, but buys two

[ministarfruit]

yuri month day 8: I want you to leave me ♡

(femslashfeb prompt list)

[late-cambrian]

so I started watching apothecary diaries

[ca-dmv-bot]

Customer: DANIEL MARVIN NUDEZ DMV: DAMN? Verdict: DENIED

[koszmarnybudyn]

This was made because I read a fic "Proximity" by rosesofenvy and now i'm yearning.

[ojamayellow]

Transformers Funnies [Earthspark Style]

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / ?

[lazylittledragon]

so uhhhhhhhh. not to be cryptic and bitchy on main but congratulations to everyone in my messages for like 5 months on being right i guess

[foldingfittedsheets]

DMing is hard. I acknowledge this. Weaving a story with words for long periods of time means you’re gonna say something silly sometimes when your brain blips. And it’s not your fault that it’s so silly that your players share it around turning it into an inside joke, immortalizing your brain fart moment forever.

My DM was narrating a scene between our tiefling rogue and the NPC she was romancing. He was trying to set the mood for their first kiss, up on a tower overlooking the city, looking into each others eyes. They’d just been on a romantic date, there was a bottle of wine between them. And this was their moment.

The NPC leaned in to kiss the rogue and the kiss was, according to our DM, “long and normal.”

The entire session went off the rails. We became ungovernable creatures of hilarity. How long is normal?

We are informed normal is six seconds and we devolve even further into chaotic paroxysm of laughter. The DM desperately tried to rein us in but for the rest of the session everything took a long and normal amount of time.

My betrothed and I would kiss each other while counting to six in our heads then declare afterward, “Ah yes! Long and normal!”

I accidentally told my school team about it, reasoning that they’d at least never meet the DM who lives out of state. They’d say we needed the scene to be the long and normal length, or hold a pose for a long and normal time.

At the end of the year I invited them to my house for a celebratory meal and was surprised when my DM joined the DnD video call early. My teammates looked at him, expressions slowly spreading into evil grins. “Long and normal!” They greeted him.

He turned a look upon me of utter betrayal while I hustled them out of my house.

“It’s been a year!” He cried at the unfairness.

“Maybe it’ll phase out by next year,” I told him.

[nyxbunni413]

save me autistic monster man

[meshaamem-li]

isat post canon headcanon that after the party sees Siffrin has trouble getting used to not repeating the same lines over and over again and getting distressed every time a conversation takes a bad turn, they let him have "do overs", like, restarting the conversation to allow them to say what they meant to say instead of whatever awkward thing they just accidentally said. and after a while it just becomes habit that everyone kinda does.

at first it's a way to help siffrin get more confident with the concept of time going forward and stop them from thinking of restarting every time they messed something up, but later it evolves into a way to help both everyone calm down whenever a conversation turns into an argument or when someone says something that ends up hurting the other. like, it obviously doesn't erase what they said and and they still apologize afterwards, and not every conversation can be so easily redone, but it's a way to get a conversation to stop spiraling out of control and let everyone take a breath and say what they actually meant to say.

[curapicas]

This might be the shipper in me talking, but it IS funny that from afar, Laios always looked serious and bored to Kabru

but as soon as he actually meets the man, even when the memories are basically him offering others icky monster food talking or looking unhinged, Kabru always remembers Laios smiling

also this panel looks great in the anime too. Nice touch with the light source on Laios hitting Kabru too

[scribz-ag24]

one of these villains is not like the others

also one last gengar being a bastard

[laurencin-draws]

sorcerer atem ft. An Outfit He Would Wear Anyway

Available now!