#funny thing is that hes talking shit about us to our classmates but like

[spidersinmysoup]

VENT!!POST !!

Ended a friendship this week and i am furious

Not because of it ending, quite the opposite, I'm very glad it did

It's HOW it ended that boils my blood bc it's SO STUPID

Part one of context

A couple of months ago redacted had to pay for tickets for our graduation and he didn't have enough money, so i offered him my wallet bc y'know he's my friend we've gone through enough to trust each other with stuff like this , also we both didn't know the exact amount he needed so i told him to take it and then tell me how much it was after (error), so he goes in, pays for his shit and gives me my wallet back, while we're walking i ask him how much he took out and he didn't really give me a straight answer so when we got back to my bfs house i counted the money and saw that there were $700 missing so i told him about it and he said ok cool I'll pay you back when I can, cool no problem.

This was in April

And it is now november

Let's go to part two of context now

Situation is: we are in our last year of highschool and we have a final project that we have to start from scratch, components, code, datasheets, the whole nine yards. Our group consists of: redacted, a friend who we'll call M ( important to later in the story), a classmate, my bf (gastón) and myself

Throughout the whole project, I'm talking the idea, main theoretical material (name, prices of the components, instruction manual, stuff like that) was all done by mostly gastón myself and M in that order exactly. And it's been this way since about April/ may. Now if you ask redacted if he did any work on this project his answer would be yes, which technically, sure but let me tell you exactly what this man did

• half of the price list ( i know because i had to finish it myself)

• de- soldered a power switch

• connected two cables (wrong, again, I know this because i had to fix it myself)

So naturally already we're fucking pissed, the project is nearly finished and he's done 2 maayybee three things.

Not to mention that while we're working our asses off he's either :

• on his phone texting/ sending audios to his friends about how he's working on a project and how it's soo complicated :(((

•Completely gone from the table drinking mate and talking shit with people from our class

Which like, if this were a stranger I'd be like, whatever fair, we've never shared a conversation ever and now we got put in a project together

But we know eachother, all three of us do, we've hung out before, we were friends up until a week ago, he has zero excuse to neglect basic fucking teamwork.

While this is happening we have plenty of other projects for the rest of our subjects, most of them with a maximum of two partners so naturally I'm with my bf, and redacted is with M

I think you can take a guess on whos really doing their projects

But it's not only that, this bitch fucking tells him what to do like - giving him fucking orders - he doesn't offer help, show interest, NOTHING , and i know this because we all sit together and every time the subject of projects come up redacted is like ' we gotta do the *subject* project' , there's no ' hey how's the project going?' 'hey is there anything you need help with on our project?' ' hey I've been doing some research on ___ for our project wanna take a look?' NOTHING

The only reason this man isn't failing right now is because he's taking advantage of all of us, every single one, in every single way and thankfully for him weve kept our mouths shut about it.

Now you may be thinking

"What if he did want to help but didn't know what to do?"

And the answer to that is, we did, countless times, and you know what his excuses were for not being able to work? Lucky for you, I'll list them

• was at a party

•was at a party

•computer didnt work (lie, fun fact about discord, people can see your activity on it)

Just in case that last one was indeed true we suggested meeting up at my house to work on the project together, here were the reasons that didn't happen either

• my house was too far (20 minute max bus ride, also he's taken the bus to my house to hang out plenty of times before but suddenly it was too far away)

• had a party (i wish I was joking)

• Didn't have money (because he spent it all buying drinks at said parties)

So naturally we got tired of insisting him to work and proceeded to just work by ourselves, us being M, gastón and myself

Our first member never showed any interest in the project like at all , but unlike redacted, we were never friends nor did we have any bond to begin with so, whatever.

Surprisingly redacted has plenty to say about our fifth member, even though they've both done about the same amount of work.

Anyways this is the part that was the final straw for him

Last week my sister came up to me at recess to ask me for money bc she didn't have any to buy food for lunch, this man doesn't let me finish talking to her and he gets up and gives her $100 (which isn't even enough but at the time it was nice? i guess? But my boyfriend later did give her the rest of the money she needed to actually buy herself food so she's fine, she ate, that's all that matters right?

Monday comes around and he arrives to school and this mother fucker had the nerve to say "hey you owe me $100 from last week"

I think he's joking naturally so i say

"Actually i don't, because you owe me $700 from when you bought the graduation tickets, so you're paying off your dept"

He,, did not like this half joke

He responds with " huh?? What?? What money? I don't remember??"

At this point my bf jumps in and backs me up (because he was there when i lent him the money)

And we say something along the lines of " damn that's convenient" in a still half joking tone

And then he turns around :) and says :) we're insistent :)

Mind you the times I've mentioned his dept in this post is around the same amount I've mentioned it to him (i must've mentioned it to him about a maximum of 3-4 times, no more than that)

And since then we have not spoken a word to eachother.

[babydray777]

It’s always colder in Slytherin

Draco Malfoy x fem!slyth reader

WC: I don’t know man it’s not that long just read it

1am was feeling like an agony.

I once proclaimed that Slytherin Common room was way colder than the other ones and my classmates declared that it was nonsense, that the whole castle may have been somehow enchanted to be a warm place for people to stay, that it would be unfair if anyone were to deal with cold because they were sorted in an specific house.

It may be that I’m way more prominent to feel cold (which I’m not) or that my classmates are too proud to recognize that our house may have at least one drawback in comparison to the rest, but I’m pretty sure that winter nights in Gryffindor common room are way warmer than here.

It may be because we are in the dungeons, or because we are under the lake. In any case, I don’t think there is any magical architecture protecting us from unfairness. So tonight is snowing outside, and I feel cold as shit.

Even though, cold was not being my primal issue. I would not have laved anything like an agony over something as simple as that. My main problem was the fact that I was not being able to sleep even after two hours of trying.

I already thought about my day, I already thought about my classes, I even imagined fake scenarios between some teachers just to have fun in my own head for a while to see if I was able to get tired. I thought about people in my school, I thought about my friends and how the girl group of them were so pleasantly sleeping by my sides. I thought about everyone, or at least everyone, cause there was certainly a person I did not feel the urge to think about.

It’s been a few rough months, mentally rough I mean. I have always been pretty close to the boys in my house, Zabini was cool and a good gossip partner, Theodore was funny when he was not trying to win my heart over those jokes, Crabbe and Goyle were… Well, those are definitely not my favorite, but I managed to ignore their braindead comments and sounding ways to chew.

But there was also Draco Malfoy, and oh if I have been ignoring thinking about Draco Malfoy.

The thing is, we are certainly… tense.

We have always been friends, I would even dare to say that he has always been the closest one of them for me. Grew up together as our parents are pretty much close and became thick as thieves while growing up.

In our first years at Hogwarts our friendship became a little less personal as we were now surrounded by not only new friends but many other people in general. Draco became a little bit annoying towards me, or a little bit annoying in general. He was restless and sarcastic, not to mention mean sometimes, although there were few the times in which he had really crossed a line and we always ended up talking it through, so I just ended up assuming that my best friend was just a little bit of an asshole sometimes, I ignored him whenever he was not in the mood and ended the conversation there. He was still my best friend and I was not the one to fix anyone’s behavior, I was not his mother.

Well, it would have end well if that were the end of the story, problem is that our friendship took kind of a turn a few months ago when something happened. I do not want to get pretty specific so I just prefer to say that a few drinks, a joint and a pretty blonde rich boy could make anyone feel dizzy about certain feelings or attractions on a summer night.

So, for the time going, we just stood in a place of being completely awkward towards each other sometimes, or extremely close some other times.

Reality is that I always feel push towards him, like a force begin me to go and hug him, to hold his hand while he’s walking by my side, to touch his face or lay my head on his shoulder. I could never deny (and believe me I tried) my attraction towards Draco Malfoy.

But that’s also the most uncomfortable thing that has happened to me.

Draco is not the kind of person you look up to date, not if you have known him your whole life and you could end up losing your closest friend over a predictable break up. He was a brat, pretty much selfish and I would dare to say a little but mean, plus, things were already tense enough.

But like I said before: 1am was feeling like an agony. And Slytherin common room was colder than the rest of them.

“Oh fuck it” I muttered and took away my blankets.

Walking at night in my nightgown was not the best idea ever, I felt like I was about to freeze but there would only be a few steps, I only had to cross the common room and then ahead to the other side of it.

I walked bare feet through it, saw that the chimney had a temptative fire and ignored it, just to keep walking towards my destination.

Once I reached the door, I knocked as hard as I could trying not to make much sound.

“Come on… Come on, I’m freezing”

I knocked again, this time a little bit harder. And it worked, cause suddenly a pale, angry face was looking at me just by the other side of the door.

As soon as he took recognition that it was me, his face relaxed and turned into a confused expression, he still looked a little bit annoyed, but not in a way that would made me feel like he’s about to snap some stupid comment.

“Y/N?” He asked. “What you doing here? Aren’t you cold?”

“Can I sleep with you?” I snapped at once. His prefect room completely empty at his back looking as tempting as hot chocolate. He looked at me for a second and I suddenly realized that it may have been a better idea in my mind than it was in reality. “I mean… It’s actually pretty cold and I don’t know, you are comfortable to cuddle at night, for some weird reason. No other intention included… and you see our common room is actually colder than the rest because…”

“Of course you can sleep with me” He interrupted at once. As I looked up again he was smiling. God, if he was not the prettiest boy this castle has ever seen.

I smiled back and he opened the door for me.

“Come on, hurry, I’m freezing”

As I entered the room he was already heading to get under the blankets, I followed him in a rush and lay beside him.

As I got under the blankets myself, he was quick to cuddle me, passing his arm from over my waist and getting close to me.

“God you are so cold” He mentioned while staring to pass his hand up and down my arm to give me some warm.

“Did I wake you?” I asked, now that I thought about it.

“What do you think?”

“Sorry” I muttered. He passed his other arm under my neck and hugged me completely.

I lay there in silence, feeling like I had the best idea of my life cause now my eyelids were finally feeling a little heavier and I was for once relaxed.

I was about to fall completely to my dreams when Draco suddenly said “Our common room is not colder than the rest, it would make no sense”

I sighed “It would actually make too much sense” I started “You see, we are in the dungeons so…”

“Y/N” He cut me. “Just go to sleep” I was not facing him, but I could have bet my life that he was at least smiling a little.

“You just woke me”

Draco kissed my shoulder from behind. The action took me completely by surprise and my heart made a little jump at the touch of his lips on my skin.

“You deserved it”

[crispy0nion]

Spill the tea

with pleasure. btw this is gonna contain slight mentions of me being a depressed fuck a few years ago. also it's kinda long

ok so, about four years ago during my first year of hs, i met this guy in my class, he was a little shit but we instantly clicked. immediately became best friends, dude basically lived in my house lmao. we went on vacation together that summer, and we had a blast. literally one of the best summers of my life i had sm fun.

second year of hs starts, and suddenly he's not talking to me or any of our friends anymore. literally just ignores us and hangs out with some other guys from our class instead. weird asf, but he was being a real dick so me and my friends quickly dropped the thing and opted for mutual disinterest.

i have no idea how or why, but near the end of the year one of our friends managed to talk with him, and he completely switches up. now he's talking to everyone like nothing happened.

except for me.

he's not talking to me. actually he is actively ignoring my existence. "what an asshole" you'll say. "so did your friends say anything, maybe drop him for acting like that?" lmao. please.

this guy used to be a loser btw. scrawny little guy who would only talk about anime. then after this year of ignoring us, he had suddenly turned into this cool, unbothered guy who will destroy your self confidence in 0.5 seconds if he doesnt like your vibe, but he does so in a " i'm effortlessly funny" way. basically, he's infuriating if you're not his friend. which apparently i wasn't anymore??

so anyways, the point is he's got everyone bouncing on his dick. classmates swarm him like flies to a lamp. he's the coolest guy around, he's so funny. that includes my friends btw. so i spend the third year of highschool feeling like no one actually wanted me around, cause they had him. but i was clinically depressed and i knew that i couldn't handle any more drama, so i said nothing and tried acting like nothing happened, ngl it was pretty pathetic looking back 💀

the thing kinda peaks when we decide to go on a trip together during the summer. that was so shitty bro i wanted to walk in traffic i genuinely felt like they would be having i better time without me there.

but anyways, i survive that somehow. that was early in the summer, i use the rest of it to work of my mental health and by the time my fourth year starts i was doing much better. my friends also stopped being assholes lmao, i suspect they heard me when during the vacation i cried to my mom on the phone for two hours and they felt bad but uhm. regardless. dude was still pretending i didnt exist.

good for him ig. i decide i've been pathetic enough and just start ignoring him the same way he ignored me. the mutual ignoring goes great, i'm doing much better. near the end of the year me and my friends (The Guy wasn't there) get drunk as shit and i decide to bring up this issue. i get some feedback from my friends: one of them tried asking him what happened between us and he answered "go fuck yourself". cool. another person thinks he has a crush on me and is shit at managing it. fair guess but it's an asshole move. someone else says maybe i accidentally hurt him. also a good guess, but i didn't do anything, and if i did, i didn't do it on purpose and he should've said something. overall, we're all confused.

school year ends, we organize another trip. i'm stressed as fuck. then on the first evening, he asks if someone can put his powerbank in their bag cause he doesnt have one, and i offer mine since i was the only one with extra space.

and i guess i broke his brain, because now he's talking to me like the previous two years never happened. which is. wild.

but i decide to be nice and cool about it and go along with it. we're civil to eachother. dare i say he acts weirdly friendly sometimes, which was actually genuinely shocking for me. he literally split his food with me of his own volition. TWO TIMES. wtf???? i also dont get marginalized this time!! i had the best time of my life actually!! my bed almost caught fire but that's a completely different story.

so uhm. i spend the remaining month and a half of summer wondering if he's still gonna be like this when school starts? cause if i know one thing, it's that he might change his mind for no reason.

the answer is no btw. it's like the trip never happened. today was our fifth day and the only time we talked this entire week was when i asked him something about class and he answered LOOKING AT THE PERSON NEXT TO ME. AS IF THAT GUY HAD ASKED THE QUESTION AND NOT ME??

he and the rest of my friends (except for one who wasn't available) are hanging out rn btw. they went to the cinema. "why are you saying they and not us" cuz i didn't get a fucking invite lmao. we're back at the start babeyyyy im going to walk into the sea.

anyways that's the drama. i left out a LOT of details to avoid making a kilometric post but uhm. opinions? do y'all think he got dropped on his head as a child? cause i know i was but i'm not this much of a crazy asshole.

[musicfeedsmysoul12]

The self indulgent blurb

“Hey, hey! Aizawa!” Shouta paused to turn towards the voice calling. Walking down the hall was the form of Nezu’s secretary, Mathews Vic. A plus size, short person, they had randomly appeared one day blinking behind their glasses in Nezu’s office. Shouta never found out to much about them, given Nezu hoarded their information like a dragon but they'd settled in well as a secretary. “Shit yeah good to catch you!” Mathews beamed. They flicked their braid behind their head, the random pieces of bone in it clinking.

Shouta was ninety percent sure the whole ‘bone in hair’ thing was to mess with people. “Mathews,” Shouta said to them with a nod. They were at work and not in private. Hell, he was outside his classroom on the third day. Probably Mathews's own design on that. They once told Shouts that ‘eavesdropping is essential for a hero student and if they over hear shut they shouldn't it's on them to keep their mouths shut’. Though they did keep the really confidential stuff hidden.

“Glad I caught you! Wanted to talk about two of your students. Midoriya and Bakugou,” Mathews said. Shouta sighed. Of course, those two. Shouta’s first impression had been of a slacker and a kid who'd been told for years that he would end up a villain thanks to his Quirk. It hadn't changed just yet, but something was bugging him about them.

“Whats on your mind?” Shouta asked.

“Well for starters I met Bakugou before. It was a year back and I caught the kid threatening some other kids about ‘not applying to UA cause I'll kill you’. He actually had his Quirk popping in his hands. I stepped in, told him off and moved on. But that kinda thing sticks in your mind you know?” Mathews said. “So when I saw him I was like. Ah! Must look into! And I have for the last bit other than when the Rat God, May he have mercy on our souls, asks me to do other things.”

The cackle coming in from their earpieces, showing Nezu was listening, made Shouta shake his head. The joke kept on going, it was funny enough but Mathews took forever to get to their point like the rat did.

“Anyways so I did further research and looked into teacher comments on Bakugou. Did you?”

“No, I never look at them. Half the time they're garbage with either inflated praise or sabatoge. I look at other things like grades and skill scores.” Shouta said honestly. He'd like to talk to the person who started the rumour he didn't read the files. He wasn't stupid, he just skipped things that often ended up being faked.

“Smart smart, cause Midoriya has the worst load of horseshit I've ever seen. This kid is apparently the most disruptive and unintelligent child, meanwhile he's nearly broke a record on our entrance exam. 90%! Can you believe it?!” Mathews spread their arms out with a grin. Shouta had known that, but figured Mathews and Nezu were just absurdly pleased by a smart kid.

Shuffling came from the classroom they were in front of. Both ignored it as Mathews rambled on. “Bakugou though… that kid has nothing but praise and being called a delight in his files. I was instantly suspicious.”

Shouta was now to. That didn't make sense with his attitude so far. It should have been more like Midoriya’s records then not. Or it would be if he faced Quirk Discrimination like Shouta assumed.

“So I went digging. I know you thought he was a victim of discrimination cause his attitude matched yours as a kid, angry, bitter, willing to scream at people-” Mathews rambled as a loud bang echoed from the classroom before quieting.

We need to work on stealth, Shouta thought to himself.

“So I went back further and dug up some of the social media of their classmates and holy SHIT. Aizawa? That explosive kid is a narcissistic sociopath waiting to happen!” Mathews said in disbelief. “And no this isn't ‘oh Explosive Quirk? You're a villain in the making!’” the high pitched sing-song voice made Shouta shake his head at them. “This is me ACTUALLY wondering cause that kid had used his Quirk on Midoriya multiple times for stupid reasons. Including muttering. I saw DOZENS of videos Shouta, all untagged so we missed them!”

The fact Mathews used his name showed how serious this was. “Vic-” Shouts began but they waved him off.

“Not now. I'm angry. You know the whole ‘hey so this school gets all grades audited’ thing we discovered. It's not because of Bakugou like you thought. It's cause of Midoriya! Cause until the entrance exam he was Quirkless! And they treated him like SHIT FOR IT!” Mathews exploded. “I can't tell you how much shit I went through Shouta, how much BULLSHIT I saw spew from the mouths of students and teachers. And Bakugou was a driving force!” Mathews shook their head, turning away from Shouta to stare at the wall.

He looked at his classroom, wondering why it was so quiet. It felt like a tomb, staring at it.

It was better than thinking on Mathews's words. He didn't WANT to believe it. He didn't want to think that they'd let an bigoted bully into UA. But Mathews rarely lied.

“Fuck, we fucked up.”

“We caught it early,” Mathews said to him, turning away from the wall. “I poked at Midoriya’s file to and he was Quirkless. It changed a week after the exam.”

“False negative? With specific activation?” Shouta asked.

“One option. Some of the videos had the kid freaking scrawny. Makes sense he needed to put on muscle for that Quirk. But like… there's also three other options.” Mathews said. “One, he met someone who can give people Quirks-”

“Like the boogeyman?” Shouta rolled his eyes.

“I met the fuck six years back, he wanted my Quirk,” Mathews said dryly. “I set off a glitter bomb in answer. But you do know there are other people with similar Quirks right? Nothing is unique and I want to point while laughing at any idiot claiming otherwise. Hell there's one with the exact same Quirk in Taiwan. Nice lady, works for the government.” Mathews shrugged at Shouta’s look. “No Quirk is villainous. It's idiots who say so.”

“I know that. I just wonder how you keep meeting these people.” Shouta told them.

“Sheer dumb luck. And also me being nosy as fuck. But anyway, so that's an option except my friend charges big bucks for a Quirk unless you go through the government so she's out and I can't think of anyone else in Japan since Boogeyman either died or went underground… wonder if the glitter… no right back on track. Our second option if a force manifested Quirk.” Mathews looked very uncomfortable saying that. Shouta understood why.

Force manifested Quirks, or FMQ only came about in serious circumstances. The idea Midoriya had one was haunting.

But it explained so much. The darkness in his eyes, the lowered face, the quiet looks he gave. It explained so much.

“Entrance exam?” Shouta asked. Mathews fidgeted. “... Vic?”

“I umm… sent you some videos of the worst bullying and a signed statement from a kid who told me a lot of stuff about Bakugou. Apparently they were friends of a sort? And the kid had a wake up call? It’s not… pretty.” Mathews winced. “But it’s possible Midoriya… tried to take his own life before UA. I don’t know if he did but it’s not good.”

“Fuck,” Shouta covered his face. His classroom was still so silent. Why?

“Which uhh leads me to the last option! A transferable Quirk!” Mathews said.

“...That’s a thing?” Shouta asked.

“Oh yeah I know like three heroes with one, and two non-heroes.” Mathews chriped as they motioned with their hands, trying to avoid the unpleasant conversation they just had. “It’s rareish, but it happens.”

“I see…” Shouta sighed. “Well, thanks for this. I now have to talk to my class who heard everything probably.”

“...Wait, wait… what… oh fuck,” Mathews paled dramatically. “I thought it was after school.”

“... did you forget AGAIN what times people leave school here?”

[bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky]

I cannot even describe how much I hate my school.

I hate their policies, their staff- I hate the institution as a whole.

Rant below:

It's a for profit (read: expensive) school that does not deliver anything that is up to par with the price.

The ultrasound lab is tiny, with only 6 ultrasound machines. Two machines are pretty good, one is fine, and the rest are fucking abysmal. They are what is referred to as "non diagnostic", meaning that you'd never use them to scan a patient. The image quality is so low it's like staring at TV static. But I was forced to take my competency (scanning test) on the worst machine in the lab. It was so awful that by the end, I felt like I couldn't see anything because I'd basically been staring at TV static for 45 minutes straight. My teacher even said that the machine sucks and that when you turn the gain (the brightness) up, it only makes the image more fuzzy. But yeah, I was forced to use it on my competency. And I was the only one who had to use that machine! I haven't gotten my grade back yet but I know it will be awful. And if I fail, I will have to do remediation with my teacher where we go over my images and he tells me what's wrong with them. I can already tell you what's wrong with them- the machine is a piece of shit. Also if I fail, I will have to retake it, but I am only allowed a grade of 75. I'm not the type of person to blame my short comings or failures on things outside of myself, but come on...

And when I spoke to my teacher about it after class (privately) he brushed me off. He told me he wouldn’t penalize me for the fuzzy, subpar, low quality images- but that was only half the point. I was trying to communicate to him that the issue was the machine quality + my eyes being completely fried by the tv static appearance + the horrible quality nearly threw me into a panic attack + I was the only one who had to use that machine. But he didn’t listen. And I know that he won’t take what I said (what little I was able to say before he interrupted) into account.

And the rules... oh my god. Your attendance and professionalism are rolled into one grade that is referred to as your "professionalism grade". You can get points deducted for missing class, being late, not having your textbooks, etc. And I have to laugh. Like, I went to an actual university before attending this two year program, and The fucking University of Texas as Austin did not deduct points if a student doesn't have a textbook one day. It's like we're in middle school.

Plus, this whole attendance / professionalism thing is bullshit. They said at the start of the program that if you have to miss class because of an extenuating circumstance, they will understand. But they do not understand. There is zero understanding. My classmate's brother was just murdered. Brutally murdered. She missed class yesterday to attend his memorial, and they gave her a zero for her professionalism. You're telling me that the murder of her brother isn't an extenuating circumstance?

The school as a whole has no empathy or understanding for their students.

One of my teachers also constantly eavesdrops and polices our conversations. Even when we're talking quietly in a small group during break time, she butts in. She makes judgmental comments and has to lecture us at least once a week about how we don't have it that bad. She's one of those "if it was bad for me, it should be bad for you" kind of teachers. She's always like "well when I was in school I was a full time student and working full time and doing clinical full time and I was a full time wife and a full time mother" and I just simply DO. NOT. CARE. She just wants to invalidate us and what we're going through. And she does it at every turn. She's actually done the whole "oh, let me play a song for you on the worlds tiniest violin" bit and she thinks it's sOoOoOo funny. She told a classmate of mine that he "isn't allowed" to say that he's tired when he only got 5 hours of sleep, because she "only ever gets about 2 hours of sleep"- and she says it like it's a flex. Maam, you're gonna be dead and buried at 50 if you dont sleep. Thats not something to brag about. And not sleeping is not going to help us succeed with our academics. This teacher has told us to not sleep and to skip meals in order to study- but doing those things will only make retaining the information harder.

Plus, the teachers know how fucking stressed we are and they don't care. They know the program is really hard in regard to subject matter, but they make it even worse because they are horrible when it comes to scheduling and communication. First semester, we were told we would never have a test the week before finals because it's not fair. But second and third semester, my teacher has casually added another test the week before finals as though it's not a big deal. They're constantly adding and changing test/ quiz dates- and it's never in out favor. Plus, our two teachers always make it so that we have tests / quizzes back to back. We have class Monday through Thursday, but they always choose to put their tests /quizzes on Monday and Tuesday.

Generally speaking, it feels like sabotage after sabotage after sabotage. It feels like they are setting us up to fail. I'm dreading my competency grade. I'm dreading the next two semesters. I'm so miserable.

[twilightknight17]

Today on P3R, we spend at least 3 days playing an MMO, let a small child steal our food, and head to The Club for a night of… well, actually we just popped in and then went home to go on the computer. Minato is me, for real. XDDDD

So it’s the start of Golden Week, which means days off school! Which means I can barricade myself in my room and play the game Junpei gave us!

We’re off to a great start. EP starts in October, and IS starts in August, so, close enough. I wonder what the plot is gonna be li--

...

......

.........

WELL. I guess he’s here in some small way, at least.

Of course, even when it’s a fake version of Phil, he’s just giving his vague speeches.

Thanks for the enlightening intro about anything that’s going on in this game, Phil. No other info is forthcoming. We just load into an area called Shinagawa Dungeon (which is not P2) and are immediately approached by another player.

...it’s 2009. It’s 2009. It’s 2009. I’m fine. X’D

Did people really ask “ASL” on MMOs?? I thought that was like a chatroulette/omegle/etc thing.

At least she’s nice, even if she talks like the most LOLSORANDOM 2009 Internet Girl.

...You can’t call me Tatsuya the whole game. You can’t. Aaaaaaa.

I’m having a stroke. Oh my god.

Anyway, Golden Week vacation is not a whole week, so it’s back to school on Thursday to guess my way through another class. At least I guessed right this time. But all my teachers continue to be completely ridiculous. None of them want to teach.

My education is suffering! Let’s go to track practice instead and worry about my physical health instead! Except wait, shit, Kaz has fallen down.

You are NOT fine! You collapsed!

He told his teammates he has anemia, but he confesses to Minato that his knee is fucked up. But he’s supposed to take over as team captain next year, and there’s a big national meet next year, so Minato has to keep it a secret.

Now I’m keeping secrets for TWO classmates. Good lord. Because Kenji wants me to keep it a secret that he’s gonna ask out the ethics teacher, so… grife. I guess I’m too used to P5, where most of my links involved making mutually beneficial deals. You guys are just… guys. XD Which isn’t bad, it’s just very different.

Anyway, Atlus, stop putting dudes on the track team and then giving them knee problems.

I’m also attending to my student council duties, and this dude needs to chill so bad.

Like… dude. The teachers at this school don’t give a shit, and you’re walking around like an army general.

My guy, it’s a single cigarette butt in the boys’ bathroom. This is not treason. Calm down. You’re gonna give yourself high blood pressure.

The manager of the track team walked home with us, and Minato got a new social link out of it. Which was interesting mostly just because it happened after track practice, so I got to do two things in one afternoon. Yuko is very nice, though.

I also went to the shrine to see the little girl, Maiko, and she pickpocketed my weird takoyaki and Mad Bull without actually asking. But I think that means that next time she’s there, she can be a social link too?

It’s been a day for social links, and the usual weird drinks.

I don’t know what happiness tastes like, but I’m suspicious as hell of that lemonade. It’s trying too hard to convince me. XD

The last thing I did around town was finally become courageous enough for Club Escapade! We are rocking out completely motionless up in the club.

I do like it here, though. And it gives me great reference pictures to use. XDDD I wish you had the option to dance, but nothing is perfect. I do wonder why the fortune-teller is in the nightclub, though. And the expensive accessory store???

The funny part is meeting the guy here so we can purchase URLs that lead to the dark web… and the first two lead to a random city rumor board, and an unofficial forum for the school. With… do we think this was renamed, or was it called this before and it’s just a call-forward?

SO. Now that we’ve stopped running around town, it’s the full moon, which means Mitsuru has detected another massive shadow! This one is camping out on the monorail leading to the island, so it’s going to be interesting getting there.

...like father, like son, lmao.

This was actually a pretty cool sequence. You do actually get to run down part of the tracks, but not before Junpei gets all pissy that Minato’s been put in charge again. As soon as you encounter the lesser shadows, he runs off to fight on his own.

It’s pretty clear what Junpei’s character arc is gonna be. We save his overconfident ass, and head for the front of the train.

Literally my worst nightmare, dude.

All the way at the front of the train, the Priestess shadow is driving it out of control, and looks… much more chill and tolerable than the Magician. XD It gives you a 30 minute time limit for the fight, which is fine… and then cuts that in half and in half again partway through. X’’’’D

I don’t do great with time limits. But we made it!

And did not die on the runaway train.

Hehehehe

Pharos promised to come see me afterwards, but he hasn’t yet. :(

Ah well, I guess, since I saved the world last night, I deserve to play my MMO all day on Sunday~

...I’m going to die. :’’’D

It is kind of funny how 2009 this is. You meet some random person online, and whoever they are, you just end up talking about random generic shit from your lives, no matter who’s an adult or who’s a teenager or whatever. In some ways, it was the best thing.

But now, time to log off. The phone is rin--

...never going to understand how the Velvet residents even have phones to call me with.

Anyway, I have been introduced to the Velvet door in Paulownia Mall, as well as Elizabeth’s requests. So next time, I guess it’s time to see what kind of nonsense she comes up with for me. But that’s two full moon shadows down, which means that barrier in Tartarus is down, too. So there will be lots to do!

[easy-there-leftovers]

Idea(?)

Not bg3 related, but it also sort of is(?) (but it's also just more about me and my personal life that I suddenly remembered and thought was funny)

I was recently working on something on procreate (might post later) and as I was messing with the layers and almost exited the project (meaning you can't undo shit after you closed it and opened it again) and I was instantly reminded of someone I had a small crush on in high school who used the same program and messed with me quite often.

Not to put him on blast, but there was this one time that he kept trying to prod at a project I was working on and he kept failing what he was trying to do so I asked him what the he was doing.

You know, like a normal person.

I wasn't too bothered, but I thought it was funny/ weird that he kept swiping on my tablet.

And the guy looked at me with a shit eating grin and said, "I'm trying to exit the project."

So I fucking said, "you know I can't undo anything anymore if you do that, right??"

And he just said, "Exactly." The fucking grin on his face never went away.

I was also sort of semi-friends with him. In the way that he approaches me from time to time but because we have completely different circles (and we were only really working together because we were responsible for the Art Council of our school. SO we designed posters, made flyers, pubmats, etc.) but I'm sort of scared of the guy.

I think he thought we were friends(?) I'm the kind of person that doesn't really impose that title unless the other person has straight up used that term to refer to me, so I'm really unsure about what he thought about me. All I remember is that he'd ask me about school work (we shared a lot of AP Science classes), or council work, but we don't really talk outside of those things.

The only exception being if our class had a party and I went for once.

Not to mention, he's a pretty popular guy because he's rich(?) Nearly everyone at the school I attended was pretty well off anyway, but he was one of the more elite(?) ones. (Ya'll, I also don't know much about the whole ordeal because I only knew him for two years and then we graduated after.)

So. The guy, right? Sort of scared of him because he was a bit more unforgiving with me than he was with our other classmates. Not to mention that he likes to mention his wealthy background from time to time, is an elitist, has an interest in art, and likes acting like a little trickster from time to time. Very sociable, likes talking about himself and what he likes and what he wears, hangs around the higher crowd.

And that got me thinking.

He sounds like how some people characterize a young Astarion in those university/modern au-- fics djnbfsdlkfbndsljb

He wasn't mean, or annoying by any means, but I have been told that he was "picking on me" and that did not register to me at all LMAO.

Anyway, if any of you are interested in hearing more about him to feed your ideas for a modern au/university au Astarion, I'm very open to telling you guys more stories.

[sarosthewizarddude]

OH MY GOD I NEVER TOLD YOU ABOUT THIS ONE

Our story starts on a day much like today. After three long, painful hours of education, I storm out the doors after my third-period class and, after collecting my hot lunch, go to meet my friends for our break at the usual spot.

My friend, we'll call her "The Hotdog Whisperer," THW for short. So she's intending to use lunch break to go to the Dollar Store, and buy snacks; I decide to tag along, and we invite our other friends, and our candy-buying expedition is completed with the addition our third member, we'll call them "Panini."

So we leave the school, and as we walk, we talk of many things -- chiefly among them, how much we hate our teachers. We come to a crosswalk, and we press the button, and wait for the lights currently forming a red hand on the square screen to instead form a little person walking -- crossing the road, specifically.

As the sign changes and we walk into the crosswalk, I remark, "We can walk now -- the little white man decreed it." For the lights forming the road-crossing person are indeed white.

I must admit, when I said this, I didn't realise how it would sound until after the words had left my mouth -- it's possible this only made it funnier, for both THW and Panini broke down laughing.

"Love when little white men decree things," Panini remarks. "Though I think they do that too much."

"We need more big red hands decreeing things," is the thoughtful reply, I believe from THW though my memory my be flawed.

At this point, we see a classmate of ours -- we'll call him Boy, after his D&D character. Not in our class, but he's in our grade, and if not exactly our friend -- mine anyhow -- he's a friend of a friend.

"Oh, there's one now!" Panini says, meaning, of course, a little white man. "Hey Boy!"

At which point we all break down laughing and flee the scene.

But the story doesn't end there -- if you'll allow me and fast forward a bit, we enter the mall, at which point THW receives a call from Boy.

"Pretend you're being kidnapped," she instructs before answering the phone.

"Help! THW kidnapped me, and I don't know where I am, please help me," Panini cries into the phone, before THW hangs up.

Boy has also sent a text -- it reads, "What the fuck." THW leaves him on read.

We enter the dollar store, where we purchase candy and, in my case, cheap cosplay components. THW buys a glow-in-the-dark knife -- not to worry, it's plastic -- and Panini purchases a box of chocolate croissants, which they share with us as we leave the mall and make our way back towards school.

We're passing McDonalds when a certain little white man appears unexpectedly in our path -- that is, he hid behind the door, lying in wait.

"What was so funny?" He demands.

"You little shit!" Panini yells at him.

"What is wrong with you?" I demand.

Our startled, indignant cries overlap each other, and presumably for him at least, fade away as we once more flee the scene of humiliation.

As far as I know, he still doesn't know why his three crazy, Dollarama-going classmates laughed so hard when he passed them on the street.

[leporellian]

🔥 anything you wanna talk about!

ok funny look into my academic life. so quite a few of my classmates do not like that our directing professor doesn’t give us rubrics. what he does is he’ll give us the assignment details and prompt but then the rubric is either nonexistent or just “student did excellent critical thinking” and other vague stuff. and this is driving my classmates up the wall bc they don’t know what to expect out of the guy. they don’t like the lack of instruction.

meanwhile i (and like One classmate of mine lmao) love this because i realize what he’s trying to do here. first off, he’s making us handle our own organization and process because that is what theatre directors… you know, do. which is great bc i’ve always been of the opinion “just let me do my own thing and i’ll figure it out”. secondly he WANTS us to think for ourselves and try weird shit on “no rule says a dog can’t play basketball” type loopholes. he likes seeing different approaches and also the whole point is that these assignments exist so we can all get the feel for how our minds organize things and how we direct other people and ourselves.

like i get WHY people might be frustrated with no direction if it’s like… a stem class or something. but in directing the score is made up and the rules don’t matter.

also he’s an opera director so naturally him and i get along LMFAO when i had my final conference with him on the 5th we were really telling each other happy mozart death day and everything. LOL

[dmclemblems]

Tbh the Deers are kinda "funny" in their own route. In the first half they are all like "Uh, glad we don't have to hurt Ferdinand and Bernadetta even though they attacked us" - which is understandable bc they are former classmates. But they don't seem to mind this when invade Faerghus? So, the Lions were the unloved outsiders at Garreg March or what? lol

Yeah, I noticed that as well. When it came specifically to those two I understood it because they were not only classmates but also good people. Playing the game myself, I also didn’t want Ferdinand to die and you can recruit Bernadetta so that’s a generally moot point. I just don’t like how they turn around and act sad (or at least, Claude does. Most of them don’t give a rat’s ass) that they "have” to fight classmates from Faerghus even though they’re the ones invading.

Some of the Deer I do prefer their Hopes counterparts because they were given substantially more characterization and personality. Lorenz I like both equally since it’s difficult to say I prefer Hopes’ over Houses’, since in Houses it was just a case of bad writing for him a lot and using him as a meme rather than him having poor characterization. Leonie and Hilda though actually got personality outside of their One Main Trait that IS likes to use over and over for absolutely everything. Hilda being lazy and Leonie obsessing about Jeralt made me really, really not care for them in Houses. There’s more to them in Hopes - like, a lot more - so it’s sad that they were lowkey ruined for me by acting all excited and heartless about attacking Faerghus.

Also, the fact that Hilda didn’t even remember who the Fraldarius heir was would imply to me that she didn’t care enough to even remember the Lions. Raphael forget it, I’d punch him in the face if I could. All he cared about was partying, eating and using his muscles and beating people up, very similar to Caspar. He wasn’t the softhearted, kind Raphael in Houses who would’ve been really sad to see all that happen.

And let’s not forget they just walked in and murdered Sylvain’s dad and then talked shit about “chivalry” as if that’s what Matthias even died for (which he didn’t, and Sylvain explicitly explained that he died for his friends/family and home because he wanted to protect them. He didn’t die for some old honorable code that the fandom and GW try to bury Faerghus in). Not only did they invade, and not only did they kill an important defense for invasions from a foreign territory (which Claude should know is a shitty choice, especially in GW ffs), but they killed a former classmate’s parent with literally no sympathy. The man was defending his home from invaders and giving his best friend and his best friend’s son time to escape (which, mind you, I’d do that too and that’s not chivalry lol. If you invaded my home and my best friend was there with me, I’d fight for her to get away too if I had to and to protect my home. You don’t do that shit just because you wanna be chivalrous).

The funny thing about my argument is that at first when I described how they just walked in and killed a former classmate’s parent, I didn’t even realize that Sylvain literally said the exact same fucking thing if you attack him with Claude in the next chapter. The game literally uses my same argument and I didn’t know that at first when I used that argument, and Sylvain is pissed. Mind you, Claude is like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ sowwie, das war, we’ve all lost peeple we lub (also not true because all the people on their side that matter to them survive except possibly Jeralt and Judith, tops; so they haven’t all lost people important to them).

No, you invaded them and killed a young man’s father and then talked shit about a dead man who did nothing to y’all except defend his home and friends against your invasion. Victim blaming is strong in GW and it’s disgusting. Saying basically “oh well too bad your dad died defending from our invasion, that’s how it goes, sucks to suck” is like attacking an innocent victim on the street and being like “oh well, you were in the wrong place at the wrong time so you just have to die and accept it”. Blaming someone for your decision to kill them is something Edelgard does tbh in CF. That’s not shit Claude does.

#notmyClaude

[commando-rogers]

I’m having a lot of trouble gathering my thoughts on this but this is just my heartfelt plea to those of you who are not Jewish to please stand up for us and protect us. I’ve spent a lot of time over the last few years and the last few months and especially the last few weeks telling myself that I’m being alarmist and things actually aren’t that bad, but I don’t think it’s alarmist anymore. antisemitism is everywhere and it’s getting worse. and it exists in many forms.

it exists in the form of someone who wants to put a gun to my head and pull the trigger simply because I am Jewish. it exists in the form of teenagers who will beat a kid up and yell slurs across the cafeteria just because they think it’s funny. it exists in the form of people who will paint swastikas on a synagogue, or on a Jewish cemetery, or on the sidewalk in front of a Jewish persons house. it exists loudly and it exists quietly. it exists in the form of people who “don’t agree with Kanye but can see where he’s coming from.” it exists in the form of people who “aren’t antisemitic” but will harass or ostracize or blame or hate their Jewish neighbor in an American suburb because of what the Israeli government does to Palestinians oceans away.

it exists in ultra-conservative circles and ultra-liberal circles.

and yeah, you might not really hate Jews, but the article you share about how a prominent figure who happens to be Jewish is doing something you disagree with will make its way to your relative who will share it in qanon circles as proof that the Jews are controlling the world and trying to take over our lives, and someone in that group will tell their friend who will discuss it at the dinner table with their children who will then go to school and bully the Jewish kid because their parent said it was okay, and another kid at that school might witness it and agree and fall down the wrong rabbit holes on the internet and weeks months or years later walk into a synagogue with an assault rifle.

maybe my synagogue. maybe your best friend’s synagogue. maybe the synagogue where your child is attending a classmate’s bar mitzvah. maybe the synagogue where your spouse is volunteering at a food drive. maybe the synagogue where your parent is picking up the neighbor’s child from preschool. and that sounds like a gross exaggeration and I would think it is too except it isn’t.

this is how antisemitism works. it is extreme and it is silent. it’s everywhere. I’m begging you to examine your thoughts and rhetoric and see if maybe there’s some underlying context that is rooted in antisemitism. your well-intentioned post about how a few rich men shouldn’t be able to accumulate obscene amounts of money WILL be found by someone who thinks that all those people are Jews, and the dominos fall. that’s not to say we shouldn’t criticize billionaires on here, god knows I do. but when the antisemitic comments start to pop up, you have to squash them. shut it down. your posts are not to be safe havens for those who use your valid talking points as a puzzle piece for their hate.

antisemitism is insidious in its subtlety. hell, I’ve probably reblogged posts that have antisemitic dog whistles I didn’t identify because I don’t know them, and I’m Jewish. I cannot stress enough how it is everywhere. in your textbooks, on your news channels, in the funny conspiracy theory you saw, in the tweet from your favorite celebrity.

be vigilant and fearful of quiet antisemitism. and please, please, be aggressive against the loud kind. because it’s getting louder. don’t shrug off what Kanye said as stupid celebrity discourse, because people who agree with him sure didn’t shrug it off, they took it as fuel. and shit is getting scarier and scarier.

my parents have plans for which countries they will move to if things get worse. and they’ll take me with them. me, an adult with an apartment and a job. they will take the whole family out of the country if things continue on this path.

because the last time things “weren’t actually that bad” and “couldn’t actually escalate that much so quickly” we lost six million.

and just because you’re not jewish doesn’t mean you’re exempt from the harm antisemitism causes. the nazis killed 5 million non-Jews as well. they murdered Romani people, gay people, disabled people, and so many more. but guess what, the driving force behind hitler’s rise to power was antisemitism. he campaigned on a platform of blaming Jews, and that enabled him to round up the Jews, and round up millions of others, even though they weren’t Jewish, because hate enables hate.

this has become long and rambling and nonsensical, because I’m getting scared. I’m not sure how scared I should be getting, and later tonight I’ll probably tell myself I’m being stupid and delete this post. but then tomorrow a synagogue may get attacked. white supremacists might hang more banners off of highways. my little brother might get attacked on his way to class from his college dorm. I might be shopping for groceries when someone sees my hamsah necklace and decides to follow me out of the store and make damn sure I don’t make it home.

when does it get to be too much? when it’s already too late.

[jen-angst]

I remember trying to kill myself as young as eight years old. When I was little, my attempts were almost silly. I jumped from the top of stairs that were small enough I could land without even an injury. I laid down in front of the neighbor’s dog so he’d eat me (he sat on me, instead). As I got older, the thoughts didn’t stop, but they were accompanied by other thoughts: how I was too incompetent to kill myself. The attempts became less funny, though still ineffective. Banging my head against walls or lockers until I bled. Picking fights with people much bigger and stronger than me.

This sort of shit continued into middle school. I stopped picking fights in 8th grade. It wasn’t because I was more mature or less angry- it was because I knew I couldn’t win and I wouldn’t be killed that way.

I was most depressed and anxious at dances. In 9th grade I tried to go to a school dance because a cute friend of mine invited me and I wanted to impress her. The DJ that was hired for the event took a look at me and laughed. Or, at least, I thought he did. Like most teens, my brain was particularly self centered. I ran out of the dance and almost got hit by a car on the way home. That wasn’t intentional, but I did think as the unknown adult got out of the car to scream at me, that it would have been preferable if I died. I talked about wanting to kill myself that year or the next year, and a friend decided to help me by showing images of people who failed to die by suicide. Gore images. I didn’t like it, and I don’t think it helped. He was so assured that it would help, though. He thought he was doing me a favor.

One of the last times I tried to die during my adolescence was on my high school senior trip. They didn’t tell us where we were going, but I told one of the teachers who went that it better had not be a dance. They assured me it wasn’t. They lied. It was a dance on a fucking boat of all things. I was miserable the whole time. I was too afraid to dance, and I was miserable because I was alone all night. This was it, I thought. Nobody wanted me. Nobody will ever want me around. That night, I tried to jump through a window at the hotel. It was closed shut so I repeatedly slammed my body against it.

Instead of doing the responsible thing and having me supervised by an adult, they made one of my classmates follow me around for the rest of the trip. I didn’t realize it at the time, but she resented it. Her friends wanted to do something and wasn’t allowed to do it because I wanted to go to the fucking aquarium.

Later on, I tried to die at a graduation party at this same friend’s house. I really fucked our friendship up because it was dramatic and stupid. I tried to jump into a bonfire, but not really but also I was serious. Teens are fucking silly. I was especially silly.

And yet, the pattern of me alienating good friends continued well past that. They were all isolated incidents, but they stemmed from me panicking in a moment of anxiety and saying or doing something incredibly foolish. Over the years, my suicide attempts became more serious- including throwing myself in front of a train (I was stopped).

Even though I’ve moved past doing things like this, I’m still afraid that I’ll say or do something that will isolate me. I love my alone time, but I can’t stand being isolated. It took me only fifteen years on Earth to realize I was bisexual, but over thirty to realize I was trans. I feel like I have more community than I thought I did, but I am also so, so terrified of it all blowing away.

Forever.

I still have suicidal ideation. I still think I’m not good enough or smart enough or cute enough. I’m still learning how to better deal with these feelings and not to act on these impulses when they come up. But they still hurt. It feels like a dull knife stabbing at me on the inside. But I don’t act like I used to. I feel like I do belong, even when I’m most worried. Even when I feel the most dysphoric and quite frankly mean towards myself, I still know that at least a few of my friends will not give up on me.

Even if I feel like they should.

[lesbiangallagher]

ahhhhhh just a little rambling 💛😭😶‍🌫️

one of my old besties from high school messaged me this morning being so absolutely sweet 😭😭😭

he was a pretty quiet kid in school. we had some mutual friends in freshman year but all i remember mostly about him was that he was pretty quiet.

anyways he was in my homeroom. my homeroom was fun lol. we technically called it “advisory” and we would learn about international current events and do some college prep activities. we would be made to read a lot lol so my teacher (who i love and adore now) loved a quiet classroom. i am not a quiet person.

god now all i want to do is talk about homeroom. but main characters are these 2 class clowns who made everyone laugh constantly. we would have advisory after lunch so the good vibes never stopped lol much to my teacher’s chagrin. but yeah, she would make us have quiet time and it was impossible to control with teenagers as amazing as my classmates were lol we had so much fun. i remember advisory so fondly.

that being said, i am a huge chatterbox. i love to talk and ask people questions. i hated being bored bc then i would have to sit and think about the Dark Thoughts in my head so i would deflect and have fun instead. Fun>discomfort am i right

because i kept talking with everyone in the class and being a general disruption, i was moved to sit to the quietest kid in class. lol my teacher was so exasperated and i would always get phone calls home and my mom would always be like wtf are u even talking about constantly?? my manic energy like 👁️👄👁️

back to my wonderful friend though. i thought he was realllllllly shy at first but all of the sudden after a few days of my pestering, he opened up and i found out he was one of THEEEEEE funniest people ppl i met in school. bro HE ended up getting a phone call home for the first time EVER and it was because of me lol so for the next 3 years, we were the classic silly friends who hung out in different circles but would always embrace when passing one another in the hallways as two long lost friends would do 🩷 sometimes he would surprise me at lunch with a snack and i would meet him at his locker after school to walk to the bus stop and shoot the shit. we went to europe together for that exchange program i hated doing and he was a major support for me. i remember our friendship so fondly and now that we are adults, i can appreciate how much that formative friendship meant to me.

i remember him a being so genuinely sweet and kind. one of the only guys i met in school who was cool being friends with me 😭 we have so many inside jokes that still make me crack up to this day if i think about it. yall i graduated in 2014 and here i am talking about HIGH SCHOOL fondly. bro i couldn’t wait to graduate lol so funny how things work in hindsight and now i have strengthened the critical thinking skills hahah not to mention the TIME to ponder.

we lost touch after graduation bc he joined a band and worked a lot and i worked a lot and made college my priority. we have always kept up with each other like on social media but we haven’t had a good conversation in years. so i think we are attempting this now. we are reconnecting. i found this extremely cute pic we took at our senior prom and i sent it to him and now we are sharing pics of our lives, past and present. and im just. :)

i always feel so guilty for how i lost touch with so many important people. like first, how do i describe my mental illness to people?? i figured out how to do it with myself and mick like 2 years ago. it’s STILL HARD but they understand. i can put up boundaries at work with nebulous language about how stress is bad for me. it’s STILL HARD but they understand. but how do i look my personal friends in the eye and say hey im sorry i promise i wasn’t trying to be selfish but i had to take care of myself and my unstable ass for years and i was so tired from working so much and i didn’t know how to depend on people so i think i accidentally ended up pushing away those friendships that pulled me through my first bouts of depression as a teenager but im an adult now and i understand that my actions have consequences and although not an excuse to have seemingly poofed myself out of your life without much warning or explanations i still hope you’d allow me to continue supporting you and i would love nothing more than to hear about you and your life and everything you have been up to because you continue to be the wonderful person i always remember you were

sighs i guess i have to just do exactly that. i don’t expect a friendship in return i just want it to be known how much love there is in my heart and how important people are to me. but it would be nice to have those friends back as an active fixture in my life.

i won’t let myself ruin this one. i refuse. i will work hard and continue to actually LIVE LIFE and let people in. it’s so scary oh my god but i have to! i want to. so i will.

if you made it to reading my ramblings this far, thank you. i’m figuring it out. it’s hard but im figuring it out. i promise. i’m a major work in progress but i am working it out.

[gjenevarants]

Panic Attack/Lost

2/23/24

I had a panic attack last night. I thought I lost my invisalign and my case. I thought I left them at the music hall (I left early because I was tired). Turns out they were in my car under the passenger seat. No idea how the fuck they ended up there. But I had a panic attack about it because I know how much this cost, how long it's taken to fix my TMJ (temporomandibular joint) issues... I'm not telling the full story but losing that would have fucked over the whole process.

I talked to dad yesterday. Over text not phone call. Apparently yesterday was national margarita day? He sent me a photo of the one he had. I also mentioned wanting to get completely plastered for my twenty first so that's something to look forward to. I also mentioned wanting to get together with former classmates over the summer. One person responded which I find funny.

I found out through a friend that one of my old classmates was asking about me because I hadn't talked to them in a while. I truly wanted to laugh. I'm thankful that I didn't because I know the laugh that would have come out would have been a broken sound of pain.

I tried reaching out to all of my old classmates for years. YEARS! I remember one time early senior year, our teachers had us go around and say things that were bothering us. I told them all that I was worried I was going to snap, that I was worried I wouldn't be able to last much longer. No one knew what I meant except one of the teachers and she only knew because she was my advisor. I was like back in ninth all over again, I wrote a song that was literally full of really obvious analogies about suicide. The friend I played it for, who I thought was my best friend at the time, was too distracted about overanalyzing Taylor Swift shit. That was probably one of the reasons I don't talk about things until I'm at the breaking point. I've tried to before and no one listens. I can't always be the one reaching out. People have my contact information, if they want to reach me they can text me. I've given up on being the one that texts first because when I do no one answers. I know when I'm not wanted. I never really fit in with my class. There were twelve of us and the girl that joined in eleventh grade fit in better than I ever had, and I'd been with the same people sense I was six.

There's only three people that really talk to me, and there's a scale in the regularity of their answers. The one who is basically my brother answers the most, followed by one of my old friends still in high school. They're a freshmen now. It's funny because I've been friends with their older sibling longer than I've been friends with them. That older sibling is the one who answers least on the list. They're the one who told me about the friend trying to contact me. I have another friend that I thought was reliable, they used to answer, but then they just stopped responding. I don't know if there was something I did wrong. I've stopped trying to talk to them. If they don't want to talk I won't push.

Another person I used to rely on was someone I used to say was basically my sister. She was the one I used to call my best friend. She was the one I played that song for. Back in December she called my brother and I and started talking to us, acting like it hadn't been months sense we last spoke, acting like the last time she had said a word to either of us hadn't been the week after graduation. She talked to us for a week after that call before she went silent again. I've given up on trying to talk to her as well.

My support pillars really are just crumbling around me. Everyone else is moving on with their lives and I'm just sitting here in the wreckage and rubble, not knowing what to do with myself. There's so much that I want to do, so many places I want to go and take friends to go see, but at the rate they're all leaving I'll be going alone.

I need to get a job. I need to get my wisdom teeth removed. I need to get my anxiety medication switched to something that actually fucking works. Going up from one to one and a half didn't do shit. I still can't believe that the psychiatrist who proscribed it thought I only had anxiety. "only has anxiety my ass!" I've been depressed on and off sense I was fourteen. FOURTEEN! And that fucker thought all I had was anxiety?!

I need to go to the eye doctor and ask about getting contacts. I don't wear my glasses because they just make me look more like mom, even with my hair cut the way it is. I'm not supposed to be driving without them and I can't wear my prescription sunglasses because the nose bridge broke.

There's so much I need to do and I don't even know if I'll be around to do it. I'm just lost all the time and I'm running out of places and people to go to.

[oceaneyesinla]

Stress Cooking

I wrote a thing! It is also posted on AO3! This is my first posted fic with my OC, Sayoko. Feel free to ask about her, I'm kind of obsessed at the moment

Suguru’s first stop upon getting back to the school was the kitchen - he still felt sick from the curse he ingested, and the hunger clawing at his belly certainly wasn’t helping. He wasn’t a great cook and part of him hoped Sayoko had been busy while he was gone. His cute classmate had developed a love for cooking in the last year and her food was to die for.

He was in luck; he could smell cooking from down the hall and he couldn’t help the smile tugging at his lips as he rounded the corner and stepped into the kitchen. Sayoko was moving around the room with practised ease, tending something on the stovetop. Suguru grew a little concerned as he looked over the counters - there was a lot of food. Various dishes were scattered around, both savoury and sweet, and he spotted pretty much everyone’s favourites, including his.

“You’ve been busy, Sayo-chan.” He felt a little guilty when she jumped.

“Suguru!” Her surprise quickly turned to a bright grin and he would do anything to see that smile, though it quickly faded, “I’m so glad you’re home; Satoru isn’t very well.”

A flash of worry shot through him; Satoru almost never got sick, “Where is he?”

“His room. I think his eyes are bothering him, but he won’t talk to me. He just hides under the covers whenever I check in. I’m trying to give him space so I figured I would cook him something but I … kinda went overboard.” She rubbed the back of her neck, avoiding his eyes. He had to smile at the little pout on her lips, even though he was worried about Satoru.

“I’ll go check on him in a bit. Is Satoru the only one getting special treatment?” He spoke with a smirk; he knew Sayoko would never favour just one of them, but it was funny to watch her flustered.

That made her meet his eye, head shaking as she pouted even more, “Of course not! There’s food for you right there. I cooked for everyone.”

He let out a laugh, patting her hair as he passed to grab the food, “I know, princess. Thank you; I’m sure it’ll be great.”

The light blush across her cheeks was adorable and she was staring at the floor, mumbling something about the first years before hurrying away. Maybe it was a little mean teasing her like this when he knew exactly how she felt about him, but how could he resist when she was so cute? Besides, he was interested to see if she would ever make a move. His cards were on the table.

The first bite of the buckwheat noodles proved he was absolutely right - it was delicious.

***********************

Satoru sounded like shit when he called out for him to enter. Yeah, he was trying to hide it, but his voice was strained and Suguru knew he was in pain. He opened the door as little as possible, trying to block out as much light as he could and he shut it behind him quickly. Satoru was curled up under the covers, just as Sayoko described and Suguru perched on the edge of his bed, rubbing where he guessed his shoulder was.

“It’s me, Satoru.”

White hair poked out from under the blankets and big blue eyes looked up at him, bloodshot and red rimmed. He didn’t get like this often and it always hurt Suguru’s heart to see him hurting. His hand moved from his shoulder to his hair, gently stroking through the silky strands.

“Sayo-chan is worried about you. She’s cooked enough food to feed us all for a week.”

His eyes fluttered shut and he leaned into the hand stroking his hair, “Didn’t want to worry her.”

“She said you’ve been hiding whenever she comes to check on you.”

His cheeks flushed red and he pulled away, tucking himself back under the covers. Suguru had an idea of why he was acting like this, so he threw the sheets away, wrapping his hand around Satoru’s chin and gently forcing him to meet his eyes. As expected, he caved in seconds, the pretty blush across his cheeks darkening as he spoke, “I don’t want her to see me like this. I feel pathetic.” He pouted as he looked up at Suguru.

A soft smile spread across Suguru’s face, “You’re an idiot.”

“Hey! I’m in pain here.”

“You really think Sayo-chan cares how pathetic you are? She’s known you for over a year now; I think she’s familiar with your dramatics.”

Satoru’s pout deepened, but his words were uncharacteristically honest. The pain must have been getting to him more than Suguru thought, “Yeah, but now I have a huge crush on her. I’m supposed to be the strongest.”

Suguru hated the way the world saw Satoru. They looked at him and saw a deity, someone to be worshipped and feared in equal measure. They didn’t see what he and Sayoko and Shoko did. Their Satoru was arrogant and flippant, yes, but he was also kind and funny and despite all his strength, he was infinitely gentle with the people he loved. It had taken them so long to convince Satoru that it was okay for him to let his guard down around them, because before them, he had never been treated like a normal human being with thoughts and feelings.

“Since when have Sayo-chan and I cared whether you’re the strongest? You’re our Satoru.”

Despite the pain lining his face and the red of his eyes, Suguru still thought Satoru was beautiful as he stared up at him. Suguru would wait a lifetime for Satoru and Sayoko to realise they could have him, mind, body and soul. Neither of them had many good examples of love and they were still learning how to exist as more than their sorcery. He would be right there waiting for them when they figured it out.

“I’ll go get our girl, okay? No more hiding from her - she just wants to help.”

Satoru just nodded and Suguru pressed a kiss to his forehead before tucking him back in and retreating from the room.

*************************

“He wants to see you.”

Sayoko bit her lip and Suguru barely refrained from rolling his eyes. God, they were lucky he loved them because they were oblivious idiots.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to make him uncomfortable.”

Suguru stepped closer, grabbing her hand and squeezing softly, “He was worried about looking pathetic in front of you. That’s why he was hiding. He’s desperate to see you.”

Sayoko let out a fond laugh, shaking her head, “He’s an idiot.”

“So are you, princess. You two are lucky to have me to communicate for you.”

A serious look passed over Sayoko’s face and she cupped his cheek, standing on tiptoes to press a kiss to the other, “Yeah, we are.” Her cheeks flushed a pale red as she pulled away, continuing the conversation like she hadn’t just rocked his world with one touch, “You think Toru will want sweet or savoury? I know he loves sweet things but I’m worried he hasn’t eaten enough today. He’s so skinny anyway …”

Suguru felt warmth flood through him as he watched Sayoko fret over what to feed Satoru. Once Satoru was feeling better, he was going to take both of them out for some romantic activity and confess everything. He couldn’t live another second with them not knowing exactly how much he loved them. Of course, if they weren’t ready, he would wait for them, but he needed them to know. To know how much he misses them when he’s away and how his heart feels like it’ll beat out of his chest when he sees them smile his way.

“Take the onigiri and something sweet - you know he’ll want both.”

A sunshine smile was all he got in return before she walked away, a spring in her step.

**********************

“Toru? Can I come in? I’ve got food.” Sayoko smiled at the sight that met her when she opened the door. Satoru was still wrapped up in his blankets but now his head was poking over the top, fluffy white hair falling messily into his bloodshot eyes. She hated the thought that he was in pain, but he looked so cute.

“Hey Sayo-chan.” His voice was small and she placed the tray of food down on his bedside table so she could run a hand through his hair, melting at the way he relaxed into her touch. She let her hand drift down so that she was cradling his cheek and she felt a soft smile curl her lips as he stared up at her.

“Silly boy. I’ll always be here to look after you, no matter how bad you feel.”

In response, he just nuzzled against her palm before lifting his head to look at the food she brought in with her. His expression was just a little less pitiful as he took in the selection and slowly he sat up, leaning against the headboard. Sayoko sat on the edge of his bed, pointing to each thing on the tray and explaining what it was. She had probably brought too much food but the smile on Satoru’s face suggested he didn’t mind. He grabbed one of the squid onigiri and took a bite, expression brightening when the taste hit his tongue. 

“Fank ‘oo.” Satoru spoke through a mouth of rice and Sayoko had to let out a quiet laugh. Now she was certain Satoru was okay, her own hunger was making itself apparent. She grabbed one of the onigiri and dug in, finding that she agreed with Satoru - these were pretty good.

They ate in companionable silence, only broken by Satoru singing her praises when he got to the sakura mochi. It was adorable, the way he held the treat in both hands as he nibbled at it, grinning like a child the whole time. This was why she loved making food for her family at Jujutsu High so much - she loved making them happy.

“You’re the best, Sayo-chan.” Satoru flopped back down onto his bed when he was done, still smiling up at her. Returning his smile, she gently shooed him over to one side of the bed so she could sit next to him, back against the headboard. Once she was comfortable, she beckoned for him to rest his head in her lap, smoothing a hand over his hair when he did so.

“Get some sleep, pretty boy.”

He just stared at her for a moment and she thought he would pull away but instead, he relaxed completely against her, throwing his arm over her legs to cuddle her lower half against him as he nuzzled into the plush of her thigh. She kept running her hand through his hair and within minutes, his breathing evened out and he was fast asleep.

The door opened slowly and dark eyes met hers. Suguru smiled as he watched them both and Sayoko could feel the love radiating off him. Maybe it was time they all stopped dancing around the issue. Later, though. For now, she would just enjoy the moment.

[romanarose]

Hello queen ✨

Daffodil and Palm tree?

ty 💖

hello beautiful!

daffodil ⇢ do you have siblings? if yes, in what ways do you think you’re similar to or different from them?

Romana lore!!!! Yes, I have 5! Older brother, J, younger brother, S, Younger sister, L, and youngest brother, T. all of us were born approx 2 years after each other, with J and I only being 17 months apart, hence me having a lot of older sibling energy despite being the middle technically. J was much more passive vs me extraverted, so i was the oldest in a lot of ways. We were homeschooled most of our lives, so J was essentially my classmate and in our homeschool groups we had the same friends. Me and my siblings are similar in respect to our sense of humor and weirdness and we all have the same fucking face. different in beliefs. S used to be v far right and we didn't talk to each other for 2 years straight bc Im a leftist. L and I got into a big fight over george fllyd which lead to us not talking for a while too (I was out protesting all summer and she had some choice words about it). Bth of them mellowed out a little. J went through a phase while politically left leaning he was red-pilled and would say some v mean thigs about me, my looks and how i present myself. That phase is over but he can still be v mean and it makes me sad how far we drifted. T is everyones favorite tho, he's only 18 and a good kid, funny as shit.

That was a lot, but my family dynamic is complex. we're all v close but also v intense. Like the family in This Is Us.

palm tree ⇢ do you have a fictional villain you shouldn’t like but love regardless?

All of them. My first crush was anakin skywalker but SPECIFICALLY in episode 3. 8 year old me saw anakinkilling a bunch of kids my age and though "he's the one" Kylo Ren is a big one too lololol and you dont even wanna know the things I read about loki and rumplestilskin in high school