#future contemplations

[free-land-free-labor]

The great tragedy of having a long list of names you appreciate that could be future names for children is that they can never all come to fruition. Someday in however many years it will have to be Rosalie or Isadora, Duke or Percival, and little mental images ever stewing of those who could have been shall never be.

[hyperfixatinator]

Where is the line?

In the comics, Tim Drake's moral code is an enigma to me, particularly his stance on the Batclan's no-kill rule. For all the fans who say he's always one step away from full blown villainy, there are even more saying he's a strict goody two-shoes who could never stoop that low.

Then there's the different takes on where Tim draws the line between these two extremes. Personally, I find that line hard to pinpoint. Digging for canon demonstrations of his morals has lead me to more questions than answers. My biggest question right now is:

What counts as breaking the no-kill rule in Tim's eyes?

Luckily, the Robins 2021 comics shed some light on this. In issue #3, "Tim", or rather an imposter of him, said that choosing not to save someone isn't the same as killing them, and that letting a villain die can be a way to get justice. Normally, this point would be moot since it's not Tim himself who said it. However, at the end of issue #6, the real Tim clarified that what the imposter said WAS his real opinion on the matter.

Not only that, but Tim has shown this belief through his thoughts and actions before. Twice.

The first time goes all the way back to Robin 1991 #5. During the fight against King Snake, Tim kicked him through a nearby window, fifty stories above the ground. As King Snake's life hung in the balance, Shiva appeared and commanded Tim to kill him.

Tim refused. He walked away, leaving King Snake entirely at Shiva's mercy.

What gets me is that Tim made no move to save King Snake from falling. And he made no effort to stop Shiva from committing the murder, either. His only thought as he heard the man's scream was "Fifty stories is a long way to fall."

The second time was in Red Robin 2009 #26. Tim orchestrated a whole plan to manipulate Captain Boomerang into getting killed by Mr. Freeze. The whole time, Tim blamed Captain Boomerang for making all those bad choices, despite Tim being the one raising the chances of them being made. Tim believed he was innocent because he wasn't directly participating.

Tim then stopped that plan, but not for any noble reason. He decided that he couldn't let anyone else kill Captain Boomerang but himself.

Tim couldn't bring himself to do that, either. So he had to spare his father's killer in the end.

This seems pretty cut and dry so far, right? Tim believing that letting villains die is alright as long he doesn't do the deed himself? I'd think so too, if there weren't other moments contradicting this.

In Robin #35, Steph insisted on leaving an enemy who got buried under the snow to die. Tim chastised her for it.

Neither of them were responsible for the snow, or for the enemy getting trapped in it. Plus, that guy tried to kill them with a chainsaw moments prior, so he's not exactly an innocent damsel in distress.

Maybe it was because this enemy wasn't a big enough fish to fry. We didn't really get confirmation that this guy has actually killed before, and he's around goon status at best.

But then in Robin #46, Tim chose to save another enemy who got himself into a deadly situation. That enemy was a murderer known as Young El. This time, Tim wasn't telling anyone else why they should save a murderer's life out loud. These were his private thoughts.

Notice how Tim's inner monologue sounded kind of on-the-fence. He contemplated justice finally catching up with Young El as the floorboards gave way, bringing a support beam down on him in the process.

However, Tim immediately switched gears to rescue Young El from under that beam before the water rose too high.

But Tim, as he told Young El the reasons he's saving him, asked himself "Do I even believe what I'm saying?" He could be asking this about two different things he said here. A) "Maybe it's not too late for you to learn something, Young El.", or B) "Death's easier for you when it's the other guy. Death's never been easy for me."

For Tim to doubt his belief in either of these statements is very interesting. He could be questioning if Young El is already too far gone for redemption, or he could be questioning if seeing someone die has never been easy for himself. For all we know, it could be both.

Unfortunately, Tim never got to see if his choice to save him would pay off. Tim wasn't strong enough to lift that beam, and Young El drowned.

There's a question on my mind as I read these pages. What makes this murderer's death different from when Tim let King Snake fall to his "death"? Sure, King Snake didn't actually die, but Tim didn't know that until later when the man came looking for revenge in Gotham.

Tim was once able to simply walk away from what he was certain would be a killer's demise. But then he's consumed by guilt over not being able to prevent a different killer's death down the line, to the point of hallucinating.

On top of that, what changed Tim's mind later? Red Robin #26 and Robins 2021 #3-6 still happened in the future. The only significant difference I can tell is that these two comics involved the killer's of Tim's parents, making it personal. But if the Imposter from Robins 2021 got his beliefs from his profile before his mother's killer got involved, then does that still hold up?

Maybe we should put a pin on it for now. There are other things Tim's done that brings the details of his no-kill rule into question.

Such as that one time Tim actually killed someone with his bare hands.

In Robin issues #51-52, Tim accidentally killed Lady Shiva while drugged on amarilla, a plant that enhances the user's speed beyond human limitations.

It may be argued if the amarilla altered Tim's mind enough to excuse him of fault or not. However, I want to focus on what happened after Shiva was revived. Here's another question to go with the first one:

Does Tim believe the kill still counts if the victim was revived afterwards?

From what I've gathered, yes and no. It's kind of complicated.

After Tim killed Shiva, he was understandably distressed about it, about how he can never take it back.

But after Shiva came back to life? Nothing. He didn't dwell on the fact he broke the vow to never kill. For something that devastating to happen in his life, it's odd that Tim didn't bring it up ever again, privately or otherwise. Especially considering what happened later in Robin #123, when Tim thought he killed Johnny Warlock.

Tim was utterly inconsolable. He lost all faith in his abilities as Robin, and in himself as a whole. It also contributed to his decision to quit being Robin after his dad found out. In general, he seriously dwelled on that "kill" for a much longer time than he had after killing Shiva. The difference being that he knew Shiva was resuscitated immediately afterwards, while Tim didn't know Johnny survived until issue #141.

But there's the fact that Shiva really did die. Her heart and breathing both stopped. So are we to believe Tim moved on from that so easily because she's alive now? What happened to never getting that back?

Come to think of it, not long after Tim killed and revived Shiva, there was someone else who landed in that same boat. Dick.

In Joker: The Last Laugh #6, Dick brutally attacked the Joker after believing he killed Tim. Dick ended up accidentally killing Joker instead, before the clown was resuscitated.

Here's the thing. While Tim was trying to comfort Dick, saying that it's ok because Joker's alive now, Dick didn't believe so. He was still distraught that he killed someone. The fact Joker came back to life afterwards didn't matter to him. To Dick, it still counted. So what does that say about Tim?

Before we move on, there's another person Tim knows who also died and came back from the grave. Jason.

Tim openly acknowledged Jason was killed before coming back, too. Multiple times. For example, when they met up in Red Hood and the Outlaws 2011 #8.

Tim hadn't shown any signs that he thinks Jason's murder doesn't count anywhere, except for maybe once.

In Knight Terrors: Robin #2, Tim and Jason had a heart-to-heart, and Tim said something strange.

"You survived."

Except Jason didn't survive. He died. To say Jason survived that night would've meant he never died to begin with. Him being alive now doesn't change that. Was this Tim telling a white lie to make Jason feel better? Or does Tim see being revived after death as "surviving"?

Ok, now we can move onto the next question. Or rather, bear with me as we go back to the first question. It's a broad topic with plenty more to talk about.

What does Tim count as breaking the no-kill rule?

We already asked how Tim feels about bringing villains back from the dead after killing them. And we asked how Tim feels about leaving a villain to die without getting directly involved. However, we still don't know how much involvement Tim needs to have in an enemy's death before he'll take responsibility for it.

We can confirm he won't mercy kill in Red Robin #21, even if it means giving someone a fate worse than death. No exceptions.

Tim also doesn't allow anyone he's actively teaming up with to kill, especially if he's the one in command. He's been amicable with known killers before (Huntress and Pru, for example), but only when they remain non-lethal while working alongside him.

Apart from that, though, it becomes less clear. However, I think this is a good place to expand on when Tim blew up a lot of League of Assassins bases in Red Robin #8.

I'm not going into whether or not those explosions actually killed anyone. I've seen evidence supporting both sides of this debate, so I'm just going to say it's up to interpretation. What I AM talking about is whether or not Tim would've felt responsible if they had killed someone.

Before overloading every generator in the LOA database, Tim gave a warning to the Wanderer. He told her that he couldn't be held responsible for what would happen to her if she didn't leave.

After initiating the explosions, Tim warned the White Ghost that they had fifteen seconds to leave before it was too late.

Fifteen seconds. That explanation on the mistake of letting him in might've taken roughly another fifteen to twenty seconds. Did the other bases even get a full minute head start? The way some of the people were already running away could imply they at least got a warning, but it's possible they might not have.

Even if everyone in every base received a warning, would that be enough for Tim to avoid holding himself accountable if they didn't make it out in time? Tim's the one who rigged the bases to explode, but I guess giving someone a warning means it's now their fault for not heeding it?

We can't be sure he even considered the possibility of those explosions killing anyone. Tim knew they were dangerous enough to bring the whole Cradle down, and the other ones we saw looked pretty powerful (except the ones in Ra's hideout). But Tim also called Ra's a murderer right after that happened, which would've been very hypocritical if Tim himself thought he committed murder.

So, my guess is either A) Tim relied on sheer luck for those explosions not causing any casualties and chose to believe they hadn't, or B) Tim didn't believe the deaths of anyone caught in them would be his fault.

Again, this isn't about whether or not blowing up the LOA bases killed anyone. It's about how willing Tim was to take that risk, and if he would've blamed himself for anyone getting killed from it.

Either way, it's canon that Tim had no guilt for the explosions he caused, or for anything he did before Red Robin #22. Just ask the Sword of Sin.

This is an exerpt I got from the Fandom DC Database on the Sword of Sin:

"The Sword of Sin can be ignited with the mind of the wielder, if the person is powerful enough. The sword has the ability to conjure in the mind its victims all of the sins for which they are guilty or have not atoned for."

When Tim was stabbed with this sword, he was immune. The Sword of Sin decided he was innocent. Although, I have to ask how reliable this sword was in making that judgement. If the sword is judging others based on its own set principles, then something's not right here.

The Sword of Sin was also used on Dick, and he wasn't immune. It dug into Dicks subconscious and unearthed memories he'd long since repressed. Memories of himself watching a boy get beaten to near death, and then doing nothing. He just walked away.

Now, tell me why the sword brought this to light, but not the time Tim left King Snake to die!

It wasn't an accident. Tim deliberately chose to leave instead of trying to save this man from the murderous Lady Shiva. Sure, Tim was no match for Shiva and he might've not been able to stop her, but the same could be said for an eight year old Dick not stopping a group of much older kids. Neither of them tried to stop the attackers.

Tim didn't atone for it, either. When King Snake returned in Batman #469, Bruce told King Snake that it wasn't Tim who left him to die. We know that's a lie, but Tim never corrected this. He let Shiva take all the blame.

We have two instances of a boy choosing not to prevent someone from having a near death experience. One guilty, and one innocent.

Did the Sword of Sin think Tim was justified because King Snake was corrupt? That doesn't sound holy to me.

Was it because Tim didn't feel any guilt over it, while Dick did? Can the sword's judgement be thrown off by the victim not feeling any shred of guilt over their actions, even subconsciously?

That could make sense given what we know Tim did in the past: King Snake falling, the vandalism (explosions), and ALL the lying over the years (Tim reviving Shiva might count as atonement, so I'm not including that). If the sword based its judgement on God's will alone, then odds are high it would've picked up on one of these.

Even so, I'm not going to sit here and say this is definitely the case. I'm not familiar enough with how the sword effects other characters to make that call.

If this is indeed false, then did the DC universe's version of God decide to pardon Tim of his sins when he prayed earlier that same issue, despite him not believing he had any? I mean, who knows, right?

You can probably see why there's more questions than answers. The point is Tim didn't have any guilt for the things he did before Red Robin #22. Tim was canonically convinced he had nothing to atone for.

So then why did he say the opposite later in Knight Terrors: Robin #2?!

In the heart-to-heart between Tim and Jason, Tim tells him this:

"You have a lot to atone for...We all do..."

Tim knows that the words "we all" include him, right? By saying this, Tim admitted to also having things he needs to atone for, right?

Is this another white lie to make Jason feel better? Is it one of those slight changes the New 52 made to the canon? If not, then why did he change his mind? Did his no-kill rule change and make him feel guilty for some past actions? Is it not the no-kill rule, but something else?

What changed?!

Where does Tim draw the line?

I don't know. We've narrowed it down to a general area, but it's kinda hard to see a line when it's so blurred it could be a gradient.

Tim baffles me. He acts as a steady moral compass for others when he can't even seem to stay consistent with his own. You're free to call it poor writing (and honestly, fair), but I find his hypocrisy fascinating.

That's what it is, isn't it? Tim's a hypocrite who's completely oblivious to being one. And it's not like this was never mentioned in the comics before. Damian called him out on it!

In Batman & Robin 2011 #10, Damian confronted Tim about his near-murderous reaction when Fist Point killed Artemis (Teen Titans Vol 4 annual #1). Damian then accused Tim of constantly rejecting him because they have more in common than Tim's willing to admit.

It's debatable how accurate that accusation was, but Tim had a pretty volatile reaction to it.

"I believe in every choice I make!"

Does he? I don't think someone who's so sure of what he believes in would contradict himself to this extent. Especially if he wasn't doing it on purpose.

He wouldn't vehemently push Bruce's no-kill rule onto others and berate them for bending that rule, only to go and bend that same rule himself when the Batclan isn't around. He also wouldn't exploit what he thinks are loopholes, decide later that those loopholes broke the no-kill rule, and then earnestly claim he never broke it.

Why is he like this?! He's had arguably the most normal childhood out of the whole Batclan before becoming Robin! What could've made him so fickle about this?!

Where does he draw the line? And how will he know when he's crossed it?

[agentc0rn]

Project Hope completed!! :)

[lambilegs]

spent way too long on butch-femme twitter and am now heading to sleep at 5AM with a pit in my tummy about potentially never finding the right person one day </3

[taddymason]

My favorite headcanon for LP is that Nya and Jay, for a long time, avoided thinking about getting married and settling down as a family because it meant losing their powers, being vulnerable at a time when they needed it most, and ultimately giving up being ninjas and their identity as elemental masters, which is so important to them. The thought of having children in the future scares them so much because they know things could go to hell at any moment, and they could easily lose everything.

But then things are very calm for a while, but then everything seems so... right that it's as if it were the perfect moment. And they consider the idea as if it could be a reality they could accept, even if one of them has to give up their powers, even if they cannot decide on it.

And then the Merge happens.

[sad-leon]

can't stop thinking about how the "good" future still nearly resulted in Leo dying.

sure, this future is better, objectively. they saved the world. but... that doesn't necessarily mean it's good

ironic how Leo lived the longest in the bad future, yet in this better world, he was the only one who faced death head-on

There's kinda a Part Two now :D

[leclercskiesahead]

Old teammates catching up

[strawberry-daiquiris]

i'm sorry to make it about myself again

“What the fuck, are you doing here?” he spits, incredulous, as he flicks the big light on to illuminate them both. Him, and who he thinks at first is his Dad. “It won’t surprise you,” a voice that isn’t his Dad says. “To know that’s exactly what I thought, when it happened again.”

oscar/lando | M | future fic time travelling sequel to you signed up for this | 18k | here on ao3 note: this sequel has been a long, long time in the making - over a year, actually - and i'm as surprised as you that it's ended up without any double penetration, or even a (proper) sex scene.

there were so many ways i thought this fic would go, and most of them revolved around lando getting his own back for not being part of (og) older oscar's time travelling shenanigans. then i fell in love with their story and building the world they lived in and what i ended up with is 18,000 words of future fic where oscar considers the end of his career, with a bit of help from another, even older oscar.

here's to being in love in your thirties with your whole life ahead of you, even if it's a bit different to how you'd imagined it'd be at 23. <3

[nkghtk1610]

GRRRRR IM FROTHING AT THE MOUTH FROM LOOKING AT UR ART JUST GRR GRR GRRR GRRRRRR WOOF WOOF BARK BARK GRAHHHHHHHH 😛😛😛😛😛😛

pretty please tell me what programme you use and if you're feeling especially nice the brushes as well !!! (If you don't I'll find you 💞)

HEYYY FIRST DIGITAL ART QUESTION. for my program i use clip studio paint pro (which is around $60USD/$70CAD for a perpetual license but i got it on sale for around $30)

at the moment i just use this brush (ID: 1840330) for sketching and rendering. its a square-shaped graphite brush and i find it SUPER versatile plus it doesnt taper like a lot of other brushes do. this particular brush does also have texture settings (that allow you to choose the texture/pattern of the brush) and i use "drawing paper C".

if you dont have csp, other programs (ex. medibang, ibispaint, etc.) probably carry a similar brush like this too. soo happy to answer this one ty for asking

[nnicknnelsonn]

kit on his and joe’s careers

once again YouTuber @devyn bringing all the good things (X)

[yandere-romanticaa]

Going through that last Sunday fic has me cringing HARD but it was a shit ton of fun to write. School is rough and I've been dealing with some emotional things so it was oddly therapeutic for me to write.

Again, sorry for it being too cringe, I was trying to be a little dramatic with it LOLZ.

[sad-leon]

Cass has destroyed us

@intotheelliwoods is about to destroy us and i totally havent given Ell ANY inspiration that could ever lead to anything angsty

So, in a surprise turn of events, I'm providing fluff!!

I just needed to see them soft and happy before we get obliterated :D

[bluesey-182]

i feel so dumb for listening to ascensionism for all this time and not connecting the "with one eye on the door, other eye on a rail, other other eye following a scarlet trail" lyrics to vessel's mask. i was like "yeah cool, the mystical third eye. i get it" nope. :::) <- it was vessel

[neoyi-backstreetback]

pitou being a good boy.

BONUS:

[camels-pen]

fellow tumblr people! i have a very important question: does anyone know the ship name for zoro / usopp / nami? or if there even is a ship for them

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s6 episode 4 "dreamland, part 1" thoughts

hello all. today is a bit of a gloomy day where i live. i have no desire to go forth and watch an episode, but we must push through and do things we love rather than give into despair. am i right?!?!

so, last episode was quite fun. mulder loves scully. did you know that? i knew it, but hearing it out loud made things even better. 

it seems that today we will be dealing with some sort of body swapping problem. which is deeply unfortunate. no idea how such a thing occurs or how one goes about reversing it.

post-episode thoughts: this was literally 45 minutes of mulder atoning for his crimes of being a moody man. he went through so much that i actually forgive him for his previous actions. he has served his time. poor man. sopping wet meow meow.

but also, poor scully!! it's a good thing i'm not her, because i would have whipped my sig out right in the middle of the office and brought the adventures of mulder and scully to an abrupt end after a Certain Moment. DAMN. no one was winning in this episode! poor sweet scully... truly she has suffered so much.

we begin today in nevada. with my friends the FBI agents!! 

“outpost 134. two miles to go” “i’m alllllll atingle” <- LMAOOOO, oh scully. she does not give a damn about area 51; meanwhile, he's going on a sacred pilgrimage, and the excitement is visible on his face

he’s convinced that this dude who gave them some vague information is not a liar and that this time they will REALLY get the proof- but scully just wants a break!! i can't blame her. how many times now has he been convinced that "proof" is right around the corner?

scully monologue! “mulder, it’s the dim hope of finding that proof that’s kept us in this car, or one very much like it, for more nights than i care to remember. driving hundreds, if not thousands of miles, through neighborhoods and cities and towns where people are raising families and buying homes and playing with their kids and their dogs, and… in short, living their lives. while we… we, we just keep driving”

OH MY GOD, we are barely a minute into this episode and i’m already going to cry. she sounds so sad!!! she wants a life!! or at least thinks she wants it, because tbh i find it very hard to picture her “settling down” and putting aside all the Kicking of Ass and Saving of Lives- but damn it, she wants a house and a dog, and maybe when mulder works out whatever it is he is experiencing, they can obtain a baby.

but then again, he’ll always have something he’s chasing in terms of aliens and bigfoot and x files… so maybe that wouldn’t be for the best. babies are a lot of work. however, he seems to really want one, and has talked about "settling down" before. or does he just like the IDEA of a family because he is chasing bringing his own back?

but again, i also think that there would be something that scully is always chasing! some new medical mystery will need tending to, or scientific phenomena will need to be explained. does "settling down" imply giving those things- the late night drives and quests for proof- up? what is the alternative?

this poses some serious philosophical questions about our lead characters that i lack enough life experience to answer.

how are you supposed to get the kids home from elementary school if you're tracking down a governmental conspiracy and half of DC wants you dead? the vetting process for godparents must be INTENSE.

also, love her use of the word "we" about the continued driving in favor of "living their lives". it implies that whether they keep chasing aliens or give it up and get a more normal job to get a house and a dog, either way it will be done together. which is especially fascinating because they haven't even kissed.

oh god. please display some sensitivity to this rare scully display of emotions, mulder.

while she asks if he ever wants to settle down and have a normal life (to which he replies “this IS a normal life”), four cars surround them and keep them from going any further. which has never happened to me, personally, and i claim to live a pretty normal life. so we have different definitions as to what that means.

they are ordered out of the car, and a guy smoking a cigarette approaches them (later revealed to be named morris, but it gets far more confusing as the episode progresses). which is visual shorthand for a bad guy in this show.

morris says they have to leave, but then something that looks like a UFO approaches!!

OHHHH... mulder’s grabbing her arm as it flies closer……. god. he is investigating. but he also needs to make sure she sees this. because so often she does not see these things.

but then scully walks away with the other guy, morris?? calling him mulder??

oh man. oh BROTHER. so does mulder see himself through the eyes of this other dude?? a real-deal body swap? what a headache!!

(intro time)

we have yet to have a full-length intro this season! it's throwing me off of my rhythm!

these soldiers are waiting to take orders from mulder, who is in the body of morris, and he is utterly gagged, because he just watched scully leave with a stranger!! oh, if i were him, i would be losing my MIND! who is this man driving away with scully?!?!

so mulder is in the body of a guy named morris, who is part of some top secret area 51 project. the other men in the car with him are asking why he let the FBI agents go, but some other guy says they’ll have the FBI handle their own people. right, that's surely what morris meant! absolutely! definitely! (/s)

oooo, this is both an immense opportunity and terrible situation for mulder to be in. because he can learn all the secret area 51 stuff in this body, but he also isn’t himself, and who knows wtf this other guy is gonna try with scully!! personally, i would be too focused on getting back into my own damn body to go on any alien sidequests! but who knows what he will do; mulder has interesting priorities...

there are all sorts of mysterious aircraft in area 51!!

omg!!! we, the audience, see him as mulder, but when he looks in a security camera, he appears to have the face of this morris guy!!

he unfortunately does not know where to go, but thankfully morris’ door has a name tag on it. and it’s filled with photos of him doing his job with people like ronald reagan. 

but he just looks at them and mumbles “scully” <- OHHHHH :( not even getting all of the answers to his biggest questions will keep him from thinking about her

(also... the way he thinks of her when he sees the photos of morris with his wife and kids on the wall... someone hold me. i'll faint)

how will he convince her of this predicament?!

meanwhile, the real morris (in the body of mulder) is driving scully, who wants to know if he is okay!! he hasn’t said a word since they got caught, and he just tells her the gas cap is on her side, which throws her off. ohhh…. i feel so BAD! she wanted to check in on him!! and she thinks mulder is just blowing her off!!! :(((

morris-as-mulder is cranking up the music in their car, which we know to be unlike the real mulder. while real mulder-as-morris tries to call her, but he gets interrupted!!!

morris-as-mulder asks for a pack of cigarettes, and she’s asking “since when do you smoke?”- he is MEAN to her about that (AND he called her dana, which is so evil!!!!)

oh, she knows something is afoot… even if he has been acting weird lately, this is TOO weird for him. picking up smoking?!?! nuh-uh.

(i love that post that says they get to call each other by their first time approximately once each calendar year because it is so true. c'mon scully, you HAVE to notice that this is unusual, even for him, the guy who is famously very unusual!!)

some other guy is trying to explain to mulder-as-morris that there is an info leak in their department, but since he’s actually mulder, he has no idea wtf to say. when mercifully, his phone rings. 

OH NO!! it’s morris’ wife!!! and she wants him home!!! and also, he must bring the milk!!!

oh god. this is going to be so weird. 

he’s being dropped off at morris’ house (sans milk, i do believe) and i am immensely uncomfy at the idea of what will happen next.

he tries to call scully on the house phone, but the operator asks him if he wants an outside line and he says no. which maybe means he cannot call DC? idk. GAAAH!! how will he reach her?!

oh gosh, mulder-as-morris must get in bed with his “wife”. i am uncomfy!!!

NOPE, he shuts the door!!! LMAO!!! he did not sign up for that shit. i respect that immensely.

is he going to fall asleep to some porn? sleeping on the couch instead of with his "wife" in bed?!?! this dude is going to fuck up morris’ marriage, LMAO.

(what an odd guy. never heard of people falling asleep to porn before... i've heard of people putting on regular TV shows or football games just for the white noise, but moaning? very strange)

somewhere else, a bunch of fires are being put out. there was a crash of the secret area 51 aircraft!! this guy, the pilot, is inside a rock??? and the other pilot is speaking a foreign language!

so maybe they got switched around, too. although idk how to explain the rock situation.

back in washington, scully is waiting for morris-as-mulder at some sort of meeting with kersh. and he is late!! and says he got lost!!! scully is not pleased at these words!!! she knows something is up...

oh no… kersh has been told to reprimand them… and morris-as-mulder is yapping about the whole thing being a big mistake. scully, meanwhile is like, what the actual FUCK is going on?! morris-as-mulder promises that he will never EVER disobey kersh again. which is horrible, because i imagine that mulder will, in fact, do that again.

scully is MAD, LMAO: “what was that about? ‘i’d give you his name if i had it?’ whatever happened to protecting our contacts? protecting our work?” <- she has had ENOUGH!! she said there NEEDS TO BE SOME INTEGRITY IN THESE OPERATIONS!!! and i love that about her!! that fundamental Need to do the Morally Correct Thing!

but he’s going back into the office to FLIRT WITH THE SECRETARY?? oh, if i were her i would be so MAD! and she is!!! “what is going ON with you?”

OH MY GOD, HE SLAPPED HER ASS???????????? asking if she was JEALOUS????

my JAW………… it is on the FLOOR….

we need to kill this morris guy. but we also need to make sure scully knows that was NOT mulder. he would NEVER!!!!! oh god, can mulder just sneak out to a payphone and call her…?

(this moment made me immensely uncomfy!!! it seemed like it was supposed to be some sort of joke, and i didn't find it funny! i would have supported scully throwing hands!! does the FBI have a good HR department? bleugh! it made me feel sick! the horrible idea of someone you have lived with and loved, no matter how you define that "love", for years, suddenly treating you like meat... i'd cry!!)

OH NOOO!! poor mulder-as-morris, who fell asleep watching porn on the couch, is slapped awake my morris’ wife, and he goes “scully?” <- AWW, POOR GUY :( he thought she came to save him :(

his not-really-his-wife is FURIOUS with him!! asking what the kids would think if they saw him up to such behavior!!!

and then one of those kids comes downstairs, he calls her by the wrong name, and she starts SOBBING LMAOOOOOO oh man. oh man. this is a nightmare. he just wants to know where his keys are. 

oh gosh, i’m laughing, but also cringing with secondhand embarrassment as he is asked about the daughter’s nose… WHAT about her nose?!?! 

“um… i think… i think she’s a little young for plastic surgery, don’t you think?” (she starts sobbing) “oh, for god’s sake, morris- a nose ring! she said she wants a nose ring!” 

BAHAHAAAA, OH MY GOD… poor mulder… he is paying for his crimes!! he is literally atoning… this teenage girl is saying she hates him and she wishes he were dead!!

well. having glimpsed life with teenage children, i have a feeling he is going to be put off by the idea of settling down and having a life as scully earlier proposed. and can you blame the guy?

(he also is such a dumbass, though. like, he could have just said "yeah" or "i need more time to think about it" to get out of answering whatever the nose question was. he went to the worst possible answer. smh!!!)

his wife asks if he wants a divorce, and he’s like NO NO NO, i don’t want to do all that! at least he is trying to think of morris and the family while stuck in some other guy's body!! but frankly, i'm sure his wife could do better than morris, so maybe if he did call the whole thing off, he'd be doing her a favor.

then she points out he’s in the same suit from yesterday. and getting changed finally allows him to see himself as morris. filming that mirror scene had to be hard. and now he’s DANCING around??? when the wife walks in!!! oh no!!!!!!!

he’s such a loser BAHAHAHA

but fun time is over, because someone from work is calling to let him know he has to get here NOW. 

the guy from the aircraft crash before who was talking in a different language- captain mcdonough- is mumbling prayers in hopi! but the dude whose body he is in has no known foreign language skills. he claims to be mrs. chee, a 75-year-old hopi woman!! meanwhile, mrs. chee is in the next room, behaving exactly as captain mcdonough!

oh lord…

at the FBI, morris is playing golf video games, and frankly, if i were scully, i would have shot him already. but her phone rings, and hopefully it’s really mulder, and he can explain what is going on. 

it is!! but she doesn’t believe him, or even remember the UFO incident. she has morris-as-mulder jump on the line, but real mulder picks up that it isn’t secure, and hangs up. 

this is the part where i would be making “mulder” answer incredibly specific questions about my life before proceeding. 

oh god, morris-as-mulder makes another awful misogynistic comment. things seem to be clicking for her… 

real mulder is buying some sunflower seeds. and i am happy for him for finding joy in such circumstances. but as he drives away from the gas station, some sort of earthquake thing begins!!!

more men in white jeeps are arriving, saying he has to come with them. execute that flawless k turn, mulder. 

what is going on!! he runs back to the gas station to try and find the attendant whom he just purchased the seeds from.

oh my GOD??? the man is severely injured, and when mulder-as-morris advocates for taking him to the doctor, the other henchman just takes his gun out and shoots and kills him. bro. these people are CRAZY. holy hell.

so what is causing this body swapping slash earthquake phenomena????

they light the gas station on fire and leave. damn.

NO!!! scully goes to mulder’s place, where she finds morris-as-mulder KISSING kersh’s secretary!!! oh, she looks BEYOND furious. you can tell from the way he is putting back on his clothes that they just hooked up, which raises all sorts of ethical questions on the ability to consent when body swapped.

“mulder, YOU, are out of YOUR mind!! WHAT IS UP WITH YOU?” <- YELL AT HIM!!! oh my god, i PRAY that she can come to believe he really did get body swapped, because!!! i would not forgive him for this shit!!!!

“this is your LIFE’S WORK!!! your crusade!!!” “as i understand it, we’re off the x files” <- ohhh, and she SLAMS THE DOOR AND WALKS AWAY!!!!!! morris calls her a bitch!!!

we need to draw and quarter this man, and i’m not joking. 

back in nevada, some lizard has had its head turned into a rock??? like the pilot who was also rocked before???

the area 51 guys say that there has been a tear in the space-time continuum from the space craft malfunctioning. poor lizard…. now his head and the rock can exist in the same space.

oh god, mulder-as-morris wants to know how to reverse it, but the other dude doesn’t even think it’s possible. PLEASE FIND A WAY. i cannot watch either of our agents suffer any longer.

scully has driven down to nevada by herself!!! and that is a hell of a drive!!! featuring her big ass flashlight!!! she is investigating the gas station where earlier the mystery nevada men lit everything on fire

oh GOD, mulder is again going through the motions of being yelled at about morris’ marriage. “it’s just that you don’t want to ever make love to me ever again, that’s all. that, and you mumble something about scully in your sleep” <- OH MY GOD???? oh lord, i don't want to see all this...

he deflects the accusations of cheating by asking DOES SCULLY SOUND LIKE A WOMAN’S NAME, LMAOOOOO

he is acting his ass off here, saying he doesn’t know who he even is anymore. and he apparently sells it, because she thinks he just needs viagra. OH MY GOD. CRINGE. stooooop, he is going to need 8 million years to recover from this.

LMAOOOOO NOOOO, THEY HAVE THEIR HEARTFELT MOMENT AND THEN SCULLY SHOWS UP AT THE DOOR LOOKING FOR MORRIS FLETCHER........ LMAOOOOOOOO STOP. oh my god. i'm gonna claw my face off.

ohhhh, he’s trying to hard to explain everything to her, but she is wondering why some dude named morris fletcher wanted to meet with her??? he must convince her!!!

“all right, your full name is dana katherine scully. your badge number is… hell, i don’t know your badge number. your mother’s name is margaret, your brother’s name is bill jr, he’s in the navy and he HATES me. lately, for lunch, you’ve been having, like, this little six-ounce cup of yogurt, plain yogurt, into which you stir some bee pollen, because you’re on some kind of bee pollen kick, even though i tell you you’re a scientist and you should know better”

AWWWWWWW, STOOOOP :( 

he notices so many stupid little things…. and he knows bill hates him…. and why has she been into pollen lately now that she knows some pollen has an alien virus in it...?? i have so many questions!!

she still doesn’t believe him, though!!! and she drives away!!! while his "wife" is calling him a cheater and tossing all of his stuff out of the house!!!

ARGH, scully!!! i want her to BELIEVE him!!

maybe he should have gone more esoteric with his confessions. that post about them needing some secret word to truly identify each other gets more and more true the deeper i get into this series.

it would have made things very awkward, but i would have said "last week you saved me from drowning in the bermuda triangle, and when i was in my hospital bed, i confessed my love to you, and you probably thought i was high, but i meant it. i meant it. and you were the only one in the room so HOW COULD I HAVE FOUND THIS INFORMATION OUT? PLEASE, scully, it's ME!"

"remember that time 5 years ago we were hunting the liver eating lizard man and you got me a liver sandwich? that was so funny!" etc etc.

it is safe to say i would not handle being placed in this situation well. he says he can find evidence and prove to her that the body swapping really did happen. i am glad he has not given up hope.

but morris-as-mulder followed scully down to nevada??? and he calls the guy who morris works with, saying that he knows who leaked the information??? oh my GOD!! he's going to frame mulder so he can keep staying in his body!!

so mulder-as-morris is in area 51, shuffling through classified documents, trying to find the scientific evidence to prove to scully that such a time warp could take place by stealing a bunch of evidence and attempting to dip. which i imagine will not go well, because someone is watching him!!! 

NO! kersh calls her!!! he says she better follow his instructions to the letter or don’t bother coming back to DC at all!!!

i really despise this kersh fellow.

NOOOOO!!!! she is forced to organize a sting operation when she meets up with mulder-as-morris!!! and he gets taken away as he tries to bring her the proof!!!! he’s screaming that he wouldn’t do this, and that it isn’t him!!! 

ohhhh :( this makes me sad!!!

to be continued...

this was another somewhat silly one with the agents being thrust into such a ridiculous situation, but i am sad for each of our characters!!! scully was literally assaulted and her bestie turned into a horrible person overnight, and mulder is trapped in another person’s body!! and no one believes him!! ohhh :(

there are definitely some elements of this episode that have... aged poorly. misogyny, man. it is a hell of a drug, and very rarely a funny punchline, one that i am not finding funny on today of all days. whew, boy. i don't enjoy seeing scully subjected to such things.

i'm also a staunch scully defender, but this time i was like, oh my gosh queen, please just believe. just this once! it's okay! i won't even snitch that you are betraying your tidy worldview!

i do think by the end she was believing him based on the way she apologized and how furious she was with morris-as-mulder; i mean, i can never, EVER imagine mulder slapping her ass or not caring about the x files. like. c'mon. that's mr. spooky. he will never abandon the grind or his life's work.

i think this episode was pretty okay, but yuck, morris-as-mulder calling scully a bitch, hooking up with that random lady, slapping her ass, disrespecting her... you'll forgive me if i say "ew". yes, i get it, that was the point; real mulder wouldn't do those things! but that doesn't mean i have to enjoy the idea of scully thinking he would or experiencing them as if it really was him doing so. we have enough of that in real life to the point where i want to see it addressed in a serious manner rather than a cheap joke, or just not at all.

(gestures vaguely to the current state of things to make my point)

yeah, i know. the 90's. things have changed. i know!! but you're getting the show through new eyes, and this is how i see it.

maybe in time this episode will grow on me, because it did have very funny elements, but it is hard to say.

also, looking back, i am laughing at how intensely i analyzed that opening scene, only for them to be IMMEDIATELY separated. many such cases.

so. where do we go from here?!? i guess we shall have to tune into part 2!