#gender is fuckin weird y'all

[altik-0]

The space between "they" and "she"

Another year, another long gap between personal updates, lol.

Last report was:

🏳️‍⚧️

same name for now

they/them

^ subject to change

Current status report:

Still 🏳️‍⚧️

new name (not sharing publicly though, sorry)

she/they

^ still subject to change

But this is just the matter-of-fact, Reader's Digest version of things. There's a lot more weight behind this, and I'd like to talk about it.

There was a very long time where I described my gender as "anxiety." At first this was a joke -- "haha, yeah, my gender is <pick mental health problem from checklist>" -- but it quickly became clear that this was a very apt description of my reality. Nearly every waking moment I spent thinking about gender, and how it intersected with my lived experience. How did I feel? How DIDN'T I feel? Was it real, or was I faking it? Was I actually trans?

I went into therapy thinking that finding an answer to that final question was what I needed to do. I sort of understood that it was the wrong question -- nobody could tell me the answer to it other than myself, after all. But with how much doubt and worry filled my mind, it's hard to blame myself for feeling that I needed help figuring it out.

Over time, the work that ended up actually helping me was confronting the anxiety. Slowly dipping my toes into new things, and allowing myself to feel the stress of the new thing that felt overwhelming. Allow my circle of comfort to slowly stretch and expand until these new experiences were no longer terrifying, and I could explore them without the fear overwhelming any other feeling.

And that was hard work. Gender is a wide, all-encompassing thing. I quickly found that despite how considerate and progressive I considered myself, the reality was that I never truly confronted the realities of gender, even in a very basic way. It took time, there was really no way around it.

When I last came to this blog to share my truth, I was still mid-process. Truthfully, I still am. I'm not convinced that transition is something that ever truly ends. However, I am definitely farther along than I was, which makes it much easier to say out loud what I always really felt: I'm a trans woman, and I want people to know that.

I set my pronouns to "she/they" where the option is available, because I want to project my transness to others. I tell people I use either pronoun, and am pretty insistent that either is okay when they ask if I have a preference. "What's important is that I'm not a man," I will tell them.

In my heart, I have a preference. There's a flutter of recognition that genuinely makes me feel a little more me every time I hear a "she" come from people I'm speaking with. "They" does not bring this same joy. I'm not sure how I'll feel if someone actually takes me up on the "feel free to use whatever neopronouns for me if you feel they fit" offer, haha.

However, that preference doesn't reflect how I see myself. I have a friend who describes herself as "a trans woman, but not a woman" -- not because she does not consider trans women to be women, but because she specifically doesn't see herself as one. I deeply resonate with this idea. I've seen many trans women talk about how they wish they had been born a cis woman. I, on the other hand, feel fairly confident that had been AFAB, I would have ended up being trans masculine instead. Being transgender is a critical part of my identity, and I WANT it to be.

Still, I'm not finished growing, and still don't live as loudly open as I think I'd like. I'm in a comfortable spot where I can at least reasonably well pass right now, and in the white Utahn suburbs, there is a critical sense of safety that comes from that. I'm hoping to push myself a bit harder as time goes on, and knowing the spicy political fire burning in my heart, it will only be a matter of time.

[saltpepperbeard]

Poison into Positivity: A List of What I Liked in OFMD S2

Hello hello everyone! Things have been a little rough around here. Even away from the more heated takes, I've still seen a few "down in the dumps" murmurs. To which, I'm giving y'all big hugs, but also offering up some little bits of warmth! I wanted to share quite a few bullets of the things I enjoyed about this season. Maybe it'll serve as a reminder, or maybe it'll just serve as a chaotic, silly little read as per usual PFFF.

But I invite you to read along, and even add some of your own points should you feel inclined! Also, this might not even be my full list; these are just the ones that came to me quickly/off the top of my head. Still, let's dive on down like a fantastical, dazzling goldfish, shall we?

All the callbacks/parallels. My goodness. When I tell you I'm a SLUT for metaphors/parallels/callbacks/etc etc. Seeing so many things and being able to just *Leonardo Dicaprio pointing meme.* I know people might not share that same opinion because some might view it to be excessive, but I personally LOVED being able to point at my screen and be like "oH EYYYYYYY!!!" Maybe because it makes for such immaculate gifset/meta material <3 SJKJDLHSK

The costuming and makeup. WHEN THEY TALKED AT ECCC ABOUT EVERYONE GETTING HOTTER, THEY WERE NOT KIDDING LMAO. EVERYONE LOOKED SO, SO GOOD. and listen, i am on my knees begging for them to give ed with his hair up back to us. i need Her back,,,ALSO, SOMETHING SOMETHING COMPLICATED EMOTIONS TOWARDS STEDE'S LATTER HALF LOOK, BUT ALSO...GOD DAMN, MR. DARBY,,,,,,

Speaking of Mr. Darby, the acting in this season. The ACTTTINNNGG. Everyone acted their ASSES off. Everyone put their entire piratussies into this season. Though, I'm PARTICULARLY impressed with Taika and Rhys, because again with their "oh we're comedians lol so idk drama can be Difficult Difficult Lemon Difficult." MMMM I THINK THE FUCK NOT, MY GUYS LMAO??? They both did SO well with all the drama and painful moments. The acting in episodes 2, 3, 6, and 7 in particular like...God. GOD!!!

I loved so many characters in this season, and I'll of course have to give two individual shoutouts to my two favorite new ladies, but man. LET'S GO FRENCHIE!!! ALWAYS A DELIGHT!!! FANG/KEVIN MY ABSOLUTE SWEETHEART. JIM SERVING ABSOLUTE FUCKING GENDER THIS SEASON. OLU OLU DARLING OLU. PETE NEVER MISSING WITH HIS ONELINERS. LUCIUS BEING SO THEATRICAL AHDJKSDK LIKE NATHAN PLEASE YOU KILL ME. ROACH MAKING ME LAUGH OUT LOUD NUMEROUS TIMES AS HE DOES. WEE JOHN AND HIS KNITTING AND DRAG!!! AND THEN OF COURSE MY DEARLY BELOVEDS, ED AND STEDE. I JUST LOVE THEMMMMM!!! But okay okay okay-

Zheng my beloved. I just love this badass pirate queen with her sweet little pigtails and her IMMACULATE LINE DELIVERIES SDHJKSKL. A lot of my favorite deliveries from the entire season came from her quite honestly. Please see: "Girl, how ARE you?" and "Hiiiiiii. I KNOWWW it's been a day" and "I've killed mediocre men. I've killed exceptional men. But you're the worst kind: a mediocre man who thinks he's exceptional."

AND ARCHIE MY BELOVED. She kills me because I remember seeing like, those ~*~audition tape whispers~*~ WAY back in the day, and subsequently thinking she was going to be quite a different character. Only for this silly goofy bubbly energetic darling to pop up and snag my heart. HER deliveries kill me also, like when she goes "Like...STEDE Stede?" and the whole "I was IN the fuckin' snake!" also hhngngngngnershkfhslkds tattooed ladies Hot :(

Speaking of which, the comedy. THE DELIVERIES. THE WAY I LAUGHED OUT LOUD NUMEROUS TIMES THROUGHOUT, EVEN WITH THE DEEP UNDERCURRENT OF DRAMA/ANGST. The whole bit where Stede is in hysterics over his cursed coat is just hsjkdhsklds; it will NEVER not make me wheeze. And then, like I said, almost EVERYTHING Pete says this season kills me; another thing that will never not make me laugh is "a doggie...?" weird little pirate show with weird little humor my beloved

The ROMANCE??? I genuinely was going into the season with the expectation of getting maybe like, one or two Gentlebeard kisses. Imagine my shock and utter delight when we ended up with FOUR, AS WELL AS AN INTIMATE SCENE, THE LETTER SCENES, AND THE LOVE PROFESSIONS. Like, one of them dropping a legitimate "I love you" felt like an unrealistic expectation--the HIGHEST dream tier really. And then wouldn't you know it. And that doesn't even account for all the rest of the couples either! The murder wives having their chaotic little moments of fucked up affection??? LUCIUS AND PETE GETTING ENGAGED AND THEN MARRIED??? HELLO??????

The sets! I know people have pointed out that the world felt a bit simplified this time around, due to budget restraints and what have you. But I still loved what they did with the world even with the various constraints. The market in episode 6 is a PARTICULAR favorite of mine; it's just so lush and colorful. I also love what they did with The Revenge during episode 6 too!

Also, this might be an unpopular opinion, but I really actually liked that they filmed on location. First of all, love that the Kiwis got to be right at home in Aotearoa. Love that they have an even more special connection to the show now. But second of all, I just like when scenery is...actually THERE? It feels way more TANGIBLE. Don't get me wrong; that hugeass wraparound screen that they use to film a lot of sets is a technological marvel. But I'm a sucker for practical.

The deeper and more complex dives into character motivations/trauma. Like, homie lol...When I tell you episodes 6 and 7 utterly set my brain alight in the best way possible. I was CHUGGING through thoughts. You know those gifs where someone is walking around and ranting/passionately talking,,, yeah. Yeah. Maybe because a lot of it "struck a chord" with me indeed, but I love love LOVE getting brain food like that.

Speaking of brain food, in PARTICULAR, the deeper dives into Ed's self-loathing and into Stede's troubles with confidence and masculinity. A lot of Stede's choices were fueled by those two things, and it was SO friggin fun to catch all of them, put them in a jar, and shake them around. I've seen a lot of people fearing his actions in the latter half were out of character, but to me, I don't see it that way. I just see a man who has been so spurned, so left behind, and SO deprived, a man who is stuck thinking he has to be someone else to mean something. And I think that plays a lot into even the EARLIEST developments we saw in season 1, so it was just so intriguing to watch everything messily play out.

THE INNKEEPER. THE INNKEEPER MY BELOVED. SO much about that episode absolutely has my heart. All the different developments, the stakes, the pacing, and the payoff at the end. Not to mention that I had a FEELING that mysterious figure in the trailers was Hornigold, so it was so SO validating to see him pop up PFFF. And also, all those dream/gravy basket sequences were so so good too. I don't know if it's the chemistry between Taika and Mark, or the deeper symbolism, or the lines that have become vocal stims for me SJKDLS (please see: ooOOoooO eddie eddie eddie...you're laying some heavy shit on me, bro), but man. MAN.

And this one gets its own bullet because of course it does: the fucking mermaid scene. Like, are we kidding. ARE WE KIDDING. THE ROMANCE OF IT ALL? THE FANTASTICAL-NESS INDEED?? THE WAY IT WAS ALL FUCKING PRACTICAL AND RHYS SWAM DOWN TO TAIKA AS A BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GOLDFISH AND THEY HAD TO THROW HEART EYES AT EACH OTHER UNDERWATER??? WHAT THE FUCK!!! And don't even get me started on Kate Bush lol. This Woman's Work might easily be one of my favorite songs, if not my FAVORITE song from the season. And man. Man. The whole meaning behind Ed seeing Stede as this beautiful, sparkly being, and not some hypermasculine/extraordinary thing. He fell in love with Stede for who Stede really is. And so I ADORE that acknowledgement.

Speaking of songs, the MUSIC!!! Absolute bangers all throughout. And I loved how there seemed to be even more intermixed within the episodes. Like God... "These are the kids..." 🗣️ HELLO MY LOVE I HEARD A KISS FROM YOU 🦗🦟🦗🦟🦗🦟 . And all the beautiful classic piano pieces and NINA SIMONE AND JUST HSJKDHSFJKLHSKD????

Okay, I've always had and STILL have complicated thoughts and opinions on Izzy, but man, seeing him interact with the Revenge Crew was really something. Seeing Stede's influence come over the lot of them like a warm blanket, extending its welcoming and familial hands...It was just lovely. I love seeing our little sea family care for each other so much. They've probably all hurt so so much in different ways, so to see them all being a collective heart is just so nice.

Speaking of which, the queerness of it all, the queer celebration of it all. The way the whole crew is just...a representation of queer people finding each other, and subsequently finding love and family in each other. Like, when the whole world wants to cast you out, you pull each other in. When no one else wants you, you take refuge in each other. And just...the joy, beauty, and wonder that can be found in that.

And speaking of which x2, the overall care that was put into the entire thing, the effort that was put into the entire thing. I know Max fucked us over with the budget, which subsequently fucked things like the intricacy, the amount of characters, and especially the pacing. But, I don't know; I personally could still tell everyone involved was trying so so hard to deliver for us. Based on the little details, the little callbacks, and the little moments that felt so catered to us, it just seemed so...gifted to us. Not to mention of course, the way they so deliberately chose to end on a hopeful note in case we never get a third season. They care about us. They've always cherished our excitement and passion, so it just...idk; it feels so special to have a bit more of an intimate connection like that. I've never been involved with a piece of media that so avidly SEES its audience, and celebrates along with us. So, despite everything, despite any sort of troubles, despite any sort of lows, that's a big part of what has me clutching all of this so closely to my chest. And I really hope they can still see that love, because I want nothing more than for them to see this beautiful story through.

Also, getting to enjoy this with everyone. Getting to ride the wave from the beginning of filming, all the way through the finale. Getting to see all the excitement, all the theories, all the art, all the fanfiction, all the gif sets, all the meta, and everything in between. It has carried me through some nastiness in my personal life, and has subsequently served as a very welcomed distraction. It's been such a pleasure getting to delight in this new content with you all, and I hope we get to do so into the future. <3

[skylarsblue]

✦C.o.D Call Sign Inspo✦

(I've been having a bad writer's block, but, I do have some mini ideas that I can't flesh out. But, I know some people struggle with names/concepts for Y/N's/Characters. So! I'm giving them out for free in hopes it'll inspire something in someone so they don't go to waste!)

✧Somno; Gender Neutral. A y/n that's main trait is being a hyper insomniac. To the point they always seem tired, constantly consuming caffine, etc. But even if they're falling asleep where they're standing, they have incredibly fast reflexes. Could lead to some funny scenarios of finding them asleep in weird places, or, a cute concept (them only being able to sleep when they feel completely safe; ie: with one of the c.o.d characters)

✧Mama; Feminine. Pretty on the nose, but it could also be translated into a different language to match a country of origin. The concept is basically just...an aggressively maternal lieutenant/captain. Because I feel we don't have enough strong MILF's in this world, let alone in this fandom. This could also be used platonically because 141 specifically could use a mom type. Ghost & Gaz specifically.

✧Saint; Gender Neutral. Can be used for a character that's incredibly self sacrificing. Which would make for good fluff & good angst, plus, I think a lot of us can relate to feeling. Partially inspired by a random line I thought of - "If I die protecting you, that's far less frightening than you being gone when I could've protected you. Dying once for you is a peaceful passing, rather than dying every day you're not with me."

✧Salvadora/Salvador; Fem or Masc. Disclaimer; when I had this idea I imagined a woman. An alternative to the cartel story line in Las Almas. Y/N runs a civilian resistance against the cartel and has commandeered a village to keep citizens safe. It's basically a paradise in the crime ridden city. They've been providing sneaky support for Alejandro's men. (Honestly, this concept is pretty specific, and more detailed, and I might break it down more/write it on my own if possible)

✧Copycat/Mimic; Gender Neutral. A y/n that's incredibly skilled at mimicking voices. Whether in different accents or actual voices.

✧Mirage; Gender Neutral. Disclaimer; I imagined this also as a woman because I like powerful ladies. Similar to the one above but instead of just voices, they're just great at disguises in general & particularly sneaky. Like they "fade out of existence" if you look away at the wrong time.

✧Lynx; Gender Neutral. For a small, deceivingly cute looking character that's actually super deadly and quick. Do not trust the toe beans.

✧Nessie; Gender Neutral-Fem Lean. Pretty self explanatory. A character that's illusive and great in water. Bonus points for Scottish rep.

✧Sparks/Fuse; Gender Neutral. Just a fuckin' pyromaniac that can make their own bombs, super impressive and intricate ones. Thought of a scene where they're all in the heat of battle, low on ammo, and Y/N brings up randomly that they were a troublesome teen who almost had a criminal record. Price asks what the charge was and they just light something that doesn't look at all like a bomb, with a giant grin. "It was arson!!" And then they throw a fuckin' devastating bomb.

✧Iris; Gender Neutral. A character known for a very intense/intimidating stare. Inspired by those clips of people losing to Angelina Joline's femme fatal stare. Also, them being able to read a shocking amount about a person purely through eye contact.

✧Sage/Blister/Morphine/Plaster; Gender Neutral. All names for a potential medic!Y/N. (Plaster, for us Americans, is a word for bandaid in the UK. I know y'all prolly know that but just in case)

✧Bee; Gender Neutral. For a Y/N that's visibly smaller than those around them but packs a real hard punch. Also good if they're particularly good at physical combat. "Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee."

✧Sugarcube/Honey/Cupcake; Gender Neutral-Masc Lean. I think the idea of a big buff, visibly masculine, intimidating dude being named something like 'sugarcube' is super funny.

✧Lasso/Big Mac/Stallion; Masculine. Isn't it obvious? Big cowboy man who's aggressively American even if he's actually been a UK citizen for years.

✧Bessie/Cowgirl/Chick; Feminine. Once again, aggressively southern Y/N. But, for fem!y/ns.

✧Tex/Stars/Anthem; Gender Neutral. See above, but this time, neutral. Cause I'm about equality in this bitch.

✧Cobra/Mamba; Gender Neutral. For a y/n that specializes in poisons to kill enemies, as well as a character with any association with snakes. Could be interesting for Ghost to hear.

✧Doll/Dolly; Feminine. A more "spy type" for the classic femme fatal who gets intel through allure. If you've seen my two fic concept posts, this is the call sign I'd give to the Y/N in Price's concept.

✧Tech; Gender Neutral. Pretty basic, a character that's particularly tech-y. Good with computers and hacking.

✧Bunny/Hare; Gender Neutral. For a y/n that's small, but super fast & alert. Bonus if they got Hinata jumping powers.

✧Clover/Shamrock; Gender Neutral. Irish rep. Use this for a Y/N that is somehow the luckiest unlucky person ever. Constantly ending up in situations that are stressful/intense but making it out with barely a scratch. Can add some dissonance if they actually hate this call sign because it's not luck that gets them out of these situations, and instead is there skill.

[maddsmallow]

" "con, don't you ever fuckin' relax?"

"lieutenant, i'm a machine. i don't need to 'relax'."

"oh fuck you, come on, we're on break. loosen up a little or something. you can chill out from your fuckin' mission for the three minutes it'll take me to smoke this cigarette. and shut your mouth before you go telling me it isn't actually exactly three minutes on average to smoke a cigarette or whatever."

connie closes her mouth. a small addition to her list of missions to accomplish is made: try to appear "relaxed" to appease lieutenant anderson. a raise in friendship means an easier partner to work with, so connie carefully inspects the lieutenant's posture and does her best to replicate it. being a machine of plastic and metal certainly doesn't make it easy. "

hankcon, but gorls. did i base hank off of my butch lesbian manager at my old job at a sex toy store who was covered in spongebob tattoos? absolutely yes i did

mostly i just wanted to portray fem!hank as a Large Woman because i think there is a severe lack of that. broad with muscle hidden under fat, like the kind of woman who does shot put. so uh,,, ms trunchbull basically LMAO. deep voice, raspy from smoking and drinking, all that good stuff 😩👌 also peep the button on her jacket hehe

got some headcanons and stories for them under the cut!

-hank wears cargo shorts 100% of the time. no matter the weather or temperature. like, 'bill and ted at prom in shorts, but it's her at a dpd ceremony in cargo shorts' level. but not actually because i'm totally gonna draw her in a pantsuit later, totally not with connie on her hip in a slinky dress 👀

-also yes hank's shirt is a spongebob reference

-when people ask hank why she goes by hank and not her "real name," (which i like to headcanon is "henrietta") she always says, "oh it's actually a really funny story, i'll tell you later," and the later never comes lmao. or, if she does tell you, it's some made up wacky story that actually has nothing to do with giving herself the name hank. the real reason? she just likes it

-speaking of "henrietta," this story, 'if you know where to look' by ghost_teeth, works so fucking well with a lot of my headcanons about how their characters would be like genderbent! highly recommend it, and all their dbh stories honestly!

-connie has a compact gun (i asked my brother for examples and he said sig p365 or springfield hellcat, which i think work perfectly for this) holstered inside her jacket on the left side. also, i'm stealing this idea from this post (which basically almost has the same design for fem!connor (altho like, most designs for her are basically the same lmao)) but she also has a knife strapped to her thigh

-her skirt is actually made of some super high tech flexible and durable material, and she's got specific programming to make her balance crazy good, since she'll be running in heels. she's made to hunt and pursue deviants so obviously she needs to be able to run and jump. the outfit is only made to appear like a standard "business woman" to blend in with the humans she would be required to work with, but otherwise gives her everything/doesn't hold her back from doing what she needs to complete her mission. here's a bonus conversation i had with @extraordinaryandroid about it lmaoo:

-hank met connor-51 first for the ortiz case, but connie-52 (with 51's memories of course) came in the next day when it was announced they were to be officially paired to investigate deviants. cyberlife has their grubby lil hands in everything so of course they knew their RK800 unit would be paired with this lieutenant anderson before basically anyone else, and deemed that she'd get along better with a "female model" that she would find attractive. which of course has hank like WOW that's super weird and gross of y'all! and i fucking hate that it's working you pieces of shit at cyberlife !!!! but ofc connie's like "im a machine i dont even have a gender" all the while hank's sweatin major thirsty bullets

-at the cyberlife tower, connor-51 is the one to hold hank at gunpoint. how did he get hank to trust him? idk i haven't figured that out yet lmao, but the angst of connor-51 essentially taking the place of -60 from the game in the sense that he's clearly deviant in some capacity, in this context being that he feels connie stole the life he deserved (which he'd never admit) and now wants to suck up to cyberlife and be their best boi to feel important and special again and not knowing they'd just throw him away for the RK900 model, is very good imo. that was a very long sentence so i hope it made sense lmaoo. have i worked out all the details of how all that shit would work in a story? absolutely not, im too busy thinking about butch fem!hank making her robo girlfriend bluescreen in the bedroom 🤪

also if ur wondering wtf the background is, idk. my usual plain color gradient was too simple, but i did NOT want to put in the effort to do a whole ass real background, so i settled on something in between. meh, it's just them hagin' out behind the station on a smoke break ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

consider supporting me on ☕! ko -fi. com / maddsmallow (without spaces)

[magicrainbowkitties]

Love how literally everything Gerard Way has ever done has had some level of queerness in it somewhere, be it their music or their comics. Like this guy literally said "I am going to throw gay people and gender-based fuckery at you and y'all are gonna fucking LIKE IT." Even back in the days of Bullets and Revenge (when, to give context to my fellow zoomers, homophobia and commodification of queerness was so fucking rampant that the Superman issue with Pink Kryptonite was released in 2003), this guy was out there, screaming about sucking dick and actively kissing his homies on stage as a specific political statement.

And then later on he goes off and actually does comics, one based off Danger Days, and yeah the villain from the music videos just. Has a male love interest. Whose death causes him to finally rebel against the fascistic corporation that actively works to destroy otherness. And then Doom Patrol (which btw has always had queer subtext, severely underrated superhero line imo) and Umbrella Academy. I'm not sure what else I can say on that.

They've also been loud and proud about their own queerness, even if he doesn't use labels. Like this is not an ally thing my dudes this is a queer person making queer content for queer people, and was literally doing it before it was cool. Like shit dude. That's fucking praxis.

And then. When he started performing with their buddies again. In the years of our lord 2022 and 2023. In the middle of a worldwide effort to erase trans people from existence. At a time where people could reasonably be like "yea he's campy but he's still just a cis band dude." This bitch. Gets on stage. In not just any dresses. But dresses in references to women who are both victims of great tragedy and pain but are also icons of sociopolitical power. And never ONCE letting up on ANYTHING. Sometimes it's a dress, sometimes it's a weird Party City thing, sometimes it's literally Piss and Vinegar shirts. But never once does the genderfuckery stop.

"In the face of extermination, say fuck you."

The respect I have for this guy is off the fucking charts, and the inspiration I feel in seeing this shit happen is other-fuckin-worldly.

[tarmac-rat]

OC Interview: Riley

Tagged by @glitchinginthegarden and @seraphfighter. You can read their respective entries here and here

Roleplaying prompts like these are very much not my forte, so I tried my best. And I also might've borrowed Glitch's idea and inserted Johnny into the dialogue as well, just to keep the conversation...organic.

Tagging @clusterfxckedbysirens @ghostoffuturespast @butchsquatch @luvwich and @seeker-of-truth and y'all have probably already done this but I need to get better at tagging people and it's my own fault for being late lol

Note: This recording was recovered from a trash can after presumably being discarded by the interviewer

Name?

V: "V." Interviewer: "Oh, um...like, just the letter?" V: "No."

Nickname?

V: "...V." Interviewer: "*clearly flustered* So you, uh, you don't have a nickname, or--?" Johnny: "Not worth it, pal. You're lucky she's even givin' you this much." Interviewer: "But--" Johnny: "Trust me, choom, fishin' for the truth ain't worth it. Drop it while you still can."

Her full name is Riley Bakker Aldana the fifth. For all intents and purposes, "V" is both her nickname and a part of her full name, since it's a patronymic suffix. Since she comes from a long line of Riley Aldana's, V very rarely uses her actual first name and has never consistently gone by it-- she has always simply been "V" from birth. Johnny, of course, thinks this is the stupidest thing he's ever heard in his life.

Gender?

Johnny: "Ever since V was a child, she's always identified with what's between her legs--" V: "Where are you going with this?" Johnny: "--a cunt." V: *Lets out a long sigh*

Star sign?

V: "Is this an actual interview or is this the second round of sorority rush?" Johnny: "Don't be fuckin' rude. She's a Scorpio, like me." V: "Wait wait wait, I know, like, one thing for sure about star signs, and it's that you and I don't have the same one." Johnny: "Your birthday's less than a month after mine." V: "That's not how zodiac signs work." Johnny: "Look it up, then, if you're so confident." V: "Fine. Just, one sec," *Pulls out phone, types something, types another thing, types another thing* "I'm a..." *types another thing* "...Pisces."

Riley is a Sagittarius

Height?

Johnny: "Five foot nine even. Five foot eight and a half if she's standing on one leg." V: "'Bout sums it up."

Riley's cybernetic right leg is roughly a quarter to a half inch shorter than her organic left leg, so she's got a bit of a weird gait and tends to favor her right side more than her left in fights. She'll eventually get it fixed, but she then spends a few months walking around like a newborn deer tripping over nothing as a result.

Orientation?

V: "'I guess 'bi' is the term I'd throw out there for it, but honestly, dating and managing a love life are the last things on my mind these days. Not like I don't have time, I just don't think settling down's in the cards for me yet. But in terms of preference, though, I don't really lean any which way." Johnny: "So basically, 'people hot'."

Nationality/ethnicity?

V: *laughs slightly* "I don't think I'm technically an NUSA citizen since I spent the first twenty-two years of my life in a car, so I don't know if I technically have a 'nationality' in the literal sense. Ethnicity-wise, most if not all of my mom's side of the family is Diné, so that's easy enough. My dad's side is the question mark. Never met the guy, and my mom never talked about him."

Riley's maternal side of the family is Navajo-- her great-grandfather grew up in Kayenta, AZ, and many founding members of the Bakkers were people from there and the surrounding areas who felt it safer to go westward during the Collapse. Conversely, Riley's father Felix is a smuggler who had a brief fling with her mother Ivy when the Bakkers were camped near the NM/Mexico border in 2052 (and post-Unification War now operates around Fort Hancock, TX). Felix is Mexican-Apache, and blissfully unaware that he has a daughter running around 25 years later fucking up shit in Night City.

Favorite fruit?

V: "I...don't know if I've ever actually eaten a real piece of fruit in my life." Johnny: "You're fucking with me." V: "What!?" Johnny: "Fuckin' hell, we're havin' a conversation after this. Just pick a fruit flavor, and move on. Any of 'em." V: "I, uh, um..." *places hands on her hips, sighs, goes silent* "Green apple, then, I don't know."

Favorite season?

V: "Well, summers in the desert were unbearable, and winters in the desert were boring as all sin, so I guess one of the middle seasons? If I had to pick one, I'd probably pick spring-- the places in the Sonora we used to stay at in the springtime were always pretty nice."

Favorite flower?

V: "Mexican Gold Poppies." Johnny: "Oh, what, you have a favorite flower but you don't have a favorite fruit!?"

Riley likes gold/yellow things despite it not really being in her color scheme. While she likes Gold Poppies, the flower I generally associate her with is a Black-eyed Susan, which are symbols of justice and survival.

Coffee, tea, or hot chocolate?

V: "Depends, but I generally lean towards coffee." Interviewer: "With anything?" V: "Synmilk." Johnny: "And whiskey." V: "Only on Sundays."

Average hours of sleep?

Johnny: "*snorts* Go on, V. Tell 'em 'bout your thoroughly robust and well-kept sleep schedule." V: "I sleep!" Johnny: "Sure, when you get knocked the hell out or fuckin' flatline on me. *to the interviewer* Two hours a night, average." V: "It's more than that! Stop being dramatic." Johnny: "And when she does fuckin' crash, because y'know she will, she's out for a day plus. It'll be like livin' with a corpse. I could host a music festival in that apartment and she prolly wouldn't even roll over to check the time."

Exaggeration aside, Riley will get around 3-5 hours of sleep a night-- combination of restlessness and preferring to work nights. After about 2 weeks of doing that, her body will basically say "NO MORE" and shut down for a day or two to recover.

Dog or cat person?

V: "Cat." Johnny: "Liar." V: "What?" Johnny: "It's horses." V: "Johnny!"

Dream trip?

V: "Not sure. Always used to hear nice things about Australia-- maybe there, I guess? Or maybe Morocco, or Rome? Somewhere warm and dry. And definitely not on the water."

Favorite fictional character?

Johnny: "Let me tell you a little story about a guy from Seattle and the acid trip he had while staring at a pack of Camel cigarettes--" V: "Nope, not even close." Johnny: "Oh, my deepest apologies, princess, were you going to come up with a better answer from the wealth of popular media you consume on a daily basis?" V: "...Fair enough."

Johnny is referring to the book Still Life with Woodpecker by Tom Robbins, which is probably the only novel Riley's read in the last five years. She hates this book for its pretentiousness but since she rarely consumes pop culture as it is, it's really her only fallback when talking about fiction she's actually engaged with.

Number of blankets you sleep with?

V: "One tops, maybe? I tend to run hot. Maybe two in the winter if it's cold enough."

Fun fact?

V: "A fun fact." Johnny: "'Fun' fact, eh? Might be askin' too much of her there." Interviewer: "It can be anything. Your favorite color, what car you drive, how many times you've--" V: "I once helped smuggle the CFO of Asukaga & Finch and his lover over the Texas border after he embezzled 4.7 million dollars from them in 2071." Interviewer: "I, uh, you...what?" V: "I mean, he's probably dead now. What're you gonna do, arrest me?" Johnny: *Starts laughing*

[eldrytchcryptid]

"You gotta enjoy every part of your transition, you're still becoming a man now - even without it."

-a very wise trans girl

I've been waiting almost a decade to start testosterone, and finally having a date for my gender appointment has made me... almost ignore all the euphoric changes (and all the weird and funny changes) happening in my transition as a trans man. So I thought I'd make a list of pre-t stuff! I might add more later - or y'all can add some too!

Socially transitioning

- feeling I gotta make sure to let ladies go first (on the bus, through doors etc)

- "Ma'am?" "Who??? Oh right. Uh yeah no." / "Deadname?" "DEADNAME?" "WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO RN - oh lol."

- oh god am I making her nervous DUDE STOP BEING WEIRD *I'm literally just walking home and it's dark* BE LESS WEIRD *aaaAaaAAA*

- *mmm boobs* *AAAA IM LOOKING AVERT AVERT AVERT*

- am i still allowed to say hi and pull faces at cute babies or is it weird cause I'm a dude now?? Am I creepy?? But kids! Kids are fun!!

- *on dating apps* oh god this is so different now I have to come up with conversation oh god oh no

- yes let me pick up these heavy chairs for you ma'am yes I am helpful I am a valid man now / yes let me get this thing off this high shelf even tho I'm only 5'7

- *watching videos of me a year ago* oh shit I actually speak lower now w/o T

- that crunchy morning / cold-ridden / drunk low rumbling voice 😩👌

With a (stp) packer

- *upon putting it on* oh oh it's a dick holy shit yes

- *upon taking it off at the end of the day* 😭 noooooo my dick my broski I miss you already

- the fcking toilet seat

- aim aIM GOD NO nOT THERE

- I really hope I don't look like I'm hard rn

- *need to adjust* *no I'm disgusting don't look at me*

- *upon crossing legs* oh shit I can't wait hold up it's in the way *has to change way to cross legs*

- manspreading?? Am I spread too much??? help

- these trousers as tight af but my dick looks amazing right now

- left or right. Too far up wait *searches pictures of dudes to find out where to put my dick

- *touches whilst sat chilling at home* fren. safe. i love u pp

- *squish* *wiggle*

- *I will hit you with my penis as an threat*

Minoxidil (pre-t beard growth)

- *stroking beard* hheeeeeee fluffyyyy

- RAZOR BURN ITCHY

- researching how tf to shave cause apparently i can't fuckin do it right

- stubble???? Itch???? Euphoria???

- *strokes* hmmm yes indeed

- gotta fuckin use twice the face wash cause I'm essentially shampooing at this point

Body

- huh yea guess that's me (instead of hatred/disgust)

- yeeeee hairy legsssss

- cis guys wish they had this ass dude

- need musle gib *too chronic fatigued to work out*

- mm yes men's clothes (on top half w/binder)

- mm no men's clothes (thighs and ass too strong 🥲)

- shoes make me taller let's fucking go

- men have tits too right? Ye man I just got man tits

- *stroking the mirror like I'm Mulan* am I just a gross man? Is this my fate?

- strapon. just. strapon.

[marmotsomsierost]

Today is trying my fuckin' patience with regards to queer patients and their concerns and how some of the staff is responding. Why are you so concerned and baffled that the trans man looks like a man? Who gives a shit if he doesn't change his name? He's still a dude. Why are you talking shit about a patient being twitchy- you didn't order labs, you don't know if that tic-y-ness is ghb or tardive dyskenisia or something else, and even if it is, why is that patient worth talking about over all the other, very frequent flyer, patients who self-medicate with their drug of choice? Because they look like they could be dressed in a gnc way? Why are you talking about how fascinating it would be to see a trans man pregnant? And not in a medical advancement/process/mechanical kind of way, but like a carnival sideshow kind of way. Like what the fuck.

And how do you work in an emergency department and you don't know what PEP or PrEP is? Especially an emergency department around here. How is it mindbogglingly difficult to think of how someone might get a particular minor injury during sex? I was like 'who cares what folks do on their own' and y'all were still harping on about it. I rattled off four different ways* and y'all went 'oh i mean huh but that's like...why would someone do that' and i just went *shrug* 'why do we even care' and five minutes later people were back talking about it. Bro. Who. Gives. A. Fuck. It has nothing to do with patient care. You cannot tell me you don't know or know of a single straight cis person who's ever fucked someone once and not cared about name or contact info. You are in a bigass fuckoff fishbowl in an open patient space why are you still on this.

People are just people. Be curious be what the fuck be mindboggled be whatever, that's natural, but be that in your head! That is a question for google later! (and some of y'all really need to turn safesearch on for that shit because you are not ready for those results).

And i know i have a significantly skewed meter for 'weird' when it comes to sex and gender and shit because i've volunteered for folsom street fair and dore alley as medical staff but i also know that my coworkers have the capacity for really good poker face because i have seen it. Why is it easy to be pleasant and unflappable in the face of weird body function or dysfunction or fuck, even maggots or being fused to car upholstery but god forbid someone wear a tshirt dress and binder. And yeah, i know we decompress and debrief all the time after Seeing Some Shit or thousand-yard-stare-ing after stupidly graphic examples of elder abuse and there is nothing wrong with that- when it happens in private, with people who understand and understand why it's important. Not in a fishbowl where you have no idea who can hear you. I know at least one of the patients heard, because they specifically told me one of the times i walked past "i'm glad i came when you were working."

My heart is heavy and i'm tired.

[sentientgopro]

Hey y'all, not exactly active on here, especially when talking about myself, but I really need to get some shit off my chest right now. I had a couple realisations yesterday that culminated in some shit I never thought I would be saying or thinking.

I never thought I could be anything but straight. I liked women, so I mustve been straight. Im definately an advocate for everyone giving their gender true consideration, even when most will come out the other side cis, and confidently so, as did I.

Then I realised I didn't like women in the way most straight guys do. Afer clearing up some prior misconceptions about Aromanticism and asexuality, I realised those two labels fit me perfectly. But sometimes I wonder why I still feel a certain way about girls. There's just something about the way they look that's appealing to me, even if I dont find girls attractive...

Oh shit. That wasn't attraction. That was envy.

So that train of thought kind of went from 0 to 10 real fucking fast. This realisation brought to my attention feelings that Ive had for a good while, but have passed off as r/196 induced brainrot. Besides, and this is the biggest thing that stopped me realising this earlier, I dont feel that who I am now is wrong. I look in the mirror, and I see myself. But I've only recently kinda grasped the concept that being trans isn't all about dysphoria, having dysphoria is not always the way to tell. Although I dont think being a man is wrong, fucking hell, being a girl would be much better. And it feels so fucking weird actually typing that.

But what I'm saying is, atleast for the time being, I could manage to just not do anything. Which is for the better seeing as my parents would start screaming at me for saying anything remotely in the direction of being an ally. And I live on TERF Island. Transitioning would be an absolute pain in the ass, especially right now, so it kinda feels like why bother when the way I am doesnt really feel wrong. Transitioning could be quite dangerous and have big risks, it kinda just feels like I dont need that shit in my life, Im already running on fumes and a list of people I need to outlive. I usually hold a mindset of "if it ain't broke, don't fix it", but this usually applies to binary things, like if my team wins using the same strat a few times in a row in CS, "Do it again, ain't broke, don't fix", but this is not nearly as binary as that, this isn't a win/loss.

Something that is both comforting and a little concerning is that no matter what, there is atleast a 2 year hold on this. I should be able to go to uni after that and start living my own life, but as of right now, doing something like transitioning is NOT an option. Ive got a 2 year long planning phase and Ive kinda just been taking stock tbh. I don't think "that" period of my life hit too hard, Im still skinny (Yeah, ik skinny =/= feminine but its better than being buff imo) kinda fuckin tall, if my growth follows the same as my brother did which it is so far Im gonna be like 6'3 by the end of that 2 years (6'1 now) so thats probably gonna be more of a mild annoyance than a genuine problem. My voice varies ALOT, I can have a pretty damn low voice, and a bit of a higher pitch, it naturally varies, I normally find I talk in a higher pitch when I'm happier and lower when Im trying to appear more... normal? idk, theres probably somrthing to think about in that.

Honestly idk, theres no real end point to this, I just wanted to talk about this somewhere. As much as I never saw myself being in this position, I use r/196, play ULTRAKILL, and Study Computer Science and want to continue it as a career path, cmon, it was only ever a matter of time, this was inevitable.

[panie-wanie-dean-bean]

Ok, this is gonna be weird because I've only ever mentioned it in tags of reblogs before but every now and again I think of two different aus for a fandom and I'd like to share one of them with y'all

A fair warning since some folks have bad experiences with this fandom this is a genshin impact au. If reading about Genshin makes your skin crawl I super get it, Jack's off in the cozy corner ready to give hugs or murder you depending on what you like

Ok, let's go!

So, you know how 6reese is just sort of a thing in the genshin fandom? My brain went, hey, what if all the elements had idol groups? And what if it was also a collage au and now I have this squirming mess

The main gist is that the archon of an element is the leader of the idol group and also controls the gender split i.e. Venti's a guy so 6reese is dudes only, Furina is a girl so only other female hydro users are in her group

The other vision users are still there! They just do behind the scene's stuff and keep the ship sailing so to speak. The Tsaritsa has two groups, one women's idol group for the cryo folks and the Fatui who have their own group

None of this is really fleshed out I've just had it in my brain so fuckin long and it needs to get out of there man. If you have questions about it you could ask? Though I don't really know if I'm involved enough with genshin to write for it properly (There's so much lore)

Uh, spoilers for the latest archon quest!

But one note I'd like to leave on is that Furina does step down as the Hydro leader to try and live her life a bit more having been pressured to attend this school by her mom. After she does the group is still all the ladies it's just that Neuvillette has to teach them the dances now. I need you to imagine this big man teaching k-pop style dances and ballet to the hydro girls

[jennawynn]

Discovery Season 1 Episode 9-

Episode 9-

Listen, you never plan to retire or to tell your husband you're going to be able to do whatever he wants after this one last mission/jump. That's when things go wrong.

Time travel or alternate universe? Find out next time!

Episode 10-

Time for a character roundup! on the axes of interesting and likeability...

Lorca- Interesting character if a little cliche, unlikeable. 9/10

Burnham- Interesting character, likeable. 10/10

Saru- Interesting, undecided. 7/10

Tyler- I don't think I like him much. 5/10

Tilly- Not particularly interesting, but likeable and relatable. 10/10

Georgiou- Interesting, likeable, badass, but -1 point for being dead. 99/10

Admiral- Not particularly interesting yet, but has potential. Undecided. 6/10

It's interesting that they have evasive maneuver patterns... It seems like a waste of a good pilot's instincts. The way that the captain has to decide which pattern to use, relay it to the pilot, the pilot has to recall what motions to take for that pattern, and then enact it feels like it would take precious seconds that might be better used in a "It doesn't matter what you do as long as you do something" reaction.

Alternate universe it is!

Michael's hair is always excellent.

Man I knew there was something still shady about Tyler. Fuckin Manchurian Candidate. Dude is not ready to be doing any of what he's trying to do. "I need you to trust me." No. You can't trust yourself, how are you going to expect anyone else to trust you? Tyler and Lorca both, man. Making decisions to protect themselves that can (and certainly will) put others in danger.

Hey Terran Empire, that's the same as the Enterprise's alternate universe.

Hah Tilly's captain. Talk as little as possible. That might be a problem.

And then Lorca does a Scottish voice for the Engineer. :joy: that a Scotty reference?

I like the way they actually show the tech that (as far as i know) got handwaved in other shows. The change of the Discovery's designation by robot, the synthesizing of uniforms and ranks. It makes it feel more scifi vs scifantasy.

Heh they specifically test for Manchurian/brainwashing stuff.

The weird half bob of Tilly's is... interesting.

Damn that was a line... "If you talked to me like that I would cut out your tongue and use it to lick my boots."

OH SHIT. That's not cool! You can't kill the gays.

I don't like the gender neutral 'sir' and I'm not really sure why.

Aww that was the guy I liked? Connor? I didn't recognize him :joy: I didn't actually look at him for long before he died the first time.

lol Tyler and Michael fucking while Lorca gets tortured. Way to make it quick, y'all.

Episode 11

Oh no... they're going to think that Stamets killed him :(

Is that Starfleet assigned/synthesized lingerie or is it Empire? :joy:

Sparing Saru from knowing his counterpart is a slave who waits on her in this universe. :sob:

(I just realized that where Enterprise was bloodless and nobody was Really Dead, I had no hesitation to believe Culbert was dead.)

They changed the way Andorians look (and sound) too?

I don't... I don't know if I don't like this thing with Tyler because he's not convincing? Or if I don't like the arc itself? I'm not sure.

Now that's an interesting moral quandary. The easy route is to let the Terrans execute him- he's a threat and a murderer. But is it 'right'?

UNBURY your gays.

Heh... I called that one. beam him out just in time to beam him aboard the Discovery. Oh nice, she got the chip out too! I didn't see that one coming.

Ha! The Emperor. I kinda figured (how could it not be if Burnham was captain of Shenzou and they wouldn't say who the emperor was), but man what a gut punch for her.

I forget where to put it now, but the Defiant... is that the one that the mirror!Enterprise found in that docking bay? The time fuckery ontop of the parallel universes has my head spinning, especially since I wasn't closely watching ENT.

Episode 12

I didn't like the mirrorverse episodes of Enterprise- they were both too dark for the show they were in and yet not dark enough to be believable.

I do like this arc, though. It feels like it has the right weight and other than the Tyler plot, it feels believable and consistent. The characters are interacting with the world in consistent, believable ways. Maybe it was because in Enterprise, we were watching actors in different characters?

Fixing Stamets and the only way home while also pretending to be a bloodthirsty captain is a lot of pressure for a cadet.

omg. Have my ganglia :joy:

idk why I forgot about what happened to Voq. I guess I assumed he died.

I was trying to figure out why they couldn't pick between turning Klingon into human or overlaying the Klingon personality into Tyler, but I guess I misunderstood. They overlaid TYLER ontop of the Klingon turned human. Man that's complicated.

How weird it must be to hear the man you loved died... from him.

UNBURY THAT GAY.

Ew- a father 'turned more'?

Oh what the fuck. Ok this one I didn't see coming. Wow. I'm impressed. His ruthlessness. His pulling the puppet strings of fate. The light sensitivity. It's rare that I don't have an inkling of a well-designed twist. Well played.

[herecomesaspecialghoul]

What are some of your favorite things about Copia? (Sorry if I ask too many questions about you two. I'm just curious about how your relationship with him is, and I'm fascinated)

please, never say sorry to me for sending questions!! I have missed so much the, uhh, the interviews, y'know, so this, I love doing this. Truly. Even if I get some fuckin' weird questions sometimes! Is still quite fun! 😸 I'm not so good at answering in a timely sort of fashion, particularly when I am travelling with the band, but I do hope you and all y'all reading this know I genuinely do really love getting questions. 👍

As for my favourite things about Cope, well, how much time do you have? Eheheheehehhh. I have known him just a little over half of his entire life, you know. I have been, um, privy to his ups and downs and highs and lows and all the in betweens and on and on. I think for sure one of my favourite things about him is his persistence. Like... shortly after we became acquainted, he broke his leg- not my fault! He tripped on his fuckin' alb sash on the stairs. I learned that day about skeletons and the fragile nature of the human body- and I stayed with him as he recovered. I drew on his cast and I smoked pot with him- well, I smoked catnip; human weed does nothing for me- ... where was I going with this. OH! I love his resilience. Obviously he is not resilient to getting his shit wrecked, but after he was cleared by the infernal infirmary to be walking again, albeit with a cane, he at once began a daily walking regimen to keep his legs strong, then started running, and dancing... Wasn't gonna, uhh, favour that injured leg, y'know? I don't think I would have such a drive if I had bones an' broke one of 'em.

Another thing I find favou- another thing I think is a favourite thing of mine is his passion. He is so happy when he is performin' for y'all. I know, but I also hope, that this passion and joy is apparent to y'all. I think that if circumstances were different, somewhere in an alternate universe maybe, if he had not been adopted by the church, he would certainly still be a performer. He would still be singing and dancing and entertaining others. He just has that, uhhhhh, vibe, yeah?

Another favourite Cope thing of mine is his ass. It's a good ass! I KNOW y'all agree. I am often in the tags. 😎

He's also very kind to my band siblings. He is always cordial and talks to them offers hugs and thanks to my extensive coaching they reciprocate very well!

I also quite like watching him sleep. As a ghoul I do not myself sleep, but I am always in his bed, initially because I radiate heat and his old dorm room was always fuckin' drafty, ehehehehhhh, but now I am, y'know, his boyfriend (ghouls don't have sex/gender in our default states; I chose for myself to be he/him male guy presenting). I listen to him breathe and watch him move in his sleep. He talks sometimes, too, but I don't know one goddamned word of Italian so. That is some sleep talk that will remain to me a mystery. Which is something I enjoy, when it is from Cope. Eheheehehehehhh.

[jiracheer]

Hello! First off, thank you so much for reblogging my Isekai'd reader post, I'm glad you liked it! I saw in your carrd that you're open to doing Matchups, so if that's true, I hope it's okay to ask for one for Pokemon Sword and Shield. Here's my info, sorry if there's too much:

I’m 20 years old and Bisexual. I also have Autism, ADHD and some health issues like weak bones and scoliosis. I’d probably prefer to be shipped with either a Gym Leader or Champion from Galar, and definitely someone who’s an adult lol. I’m really short, only 5’ (152 cm) at most, with long, wavy and fluffy brown hair. My two favorite hairstyles to do are either the Legolas-style half-ponytail (I don’t know how to describe it…) or two braids hanging over my shoulders. I either look kinda disheveled or I’m really dressed up, there’s seemingly no in-between. I also wear glasses and am very slender. 

I’d probably be really good friends with Allister because I’d definitely be studying Ghost Pokemon, and also I can be very gentle with people. Helping others makes me feel better so I always make a point of being friendly and helpful with everyone I meet. I’d 100% be some kind of researcher in Galar. I'd probably meet them by accompanying Allister to an event with all the other Gym Leaders because he's shy. 

I’m actually a pretty fun person with a witty and sometimes dirty sense of humor, though I’m also very sweet and polite. I enjoy drawing and baking, and I will not stop writing for the life of me. I write whenever possible, and I write very fast too. I once finished an entire nonfiction book in a week. I get flustered easily but I don't have a hard time connecting with people, I'm really not afraid to go up and ask for things. Whenever I do get flustered I giggle a lot (I've been told I have a very cute laugh) and tend to cover my face with my hands. I also have a weird habit of calling people endearing names like "honey" and "sweetie" at random. I give really good advice too.

I'm very soft but have been called argumentative before, but I generally give passes easier than some. I HATE making people feel bad. But if you insult someone I care about there is no mercy tbh. So yeah, sweet but fierce when provoked. I'm very protective over my loved ones. I'm always a little overprepared for everything and have a hard time accepting compliments. 

Thank you so much!! I hope you have a wonderful week, take care of yourself! Stay hydrated!

authors note ; hi tori!! <3 I literally was pissing my pants at it 😭 it was SOOO FUCKIN FUNNYJSINGH If y'all haven't seen Tori's post, PLEASEEE check it out here! sincerely the funniest thing I've read in a hot second

never worry about it being too much! the amount of info you gave me helped me a lot with writing this for ya!!

tags ; match up / gender-neutral / set during SWSH events / slightly suggestive, but only one part lmao

wc ; 991

I match you with... Kabu!

🔥 I feel like Kabu is really just drawn to you! Not only do you care extremely for the people around you, but you don’t let people walk all over you! It’s something that attracted him to you and made him want to get to know you more.

🔥 But when you two first met, it was at some dinner party celebrating the newest Champion’s rise to the throne. Everyone, and Leon ofc, were there alongside the new Champion. So when he saw you were, he was rather confused as it was an event for them, but then he caught sight of Allister clinging to your leg.

🔥 He honestly thought you were his parent, rather than his emotional support. So he def made a fool of himself when he introduced himself to you and told you that he never thought he’d meet the shy boy's parent.

🔥 You laughed so hard at the poor man, you missed how red his face got and how smoke almost came out of his ears. Allister found the situation just as funny, even if he didn’t express it.

🔥 Allister liked Kabu. He was like an uncle to him, as he was very kind to him and helped him with whatever he needed- even if he was a bit rough around the edges, and bold with his approach when it comes to certain topics.

🔥 So it was really no surprise that the more the two of you saw each other at events, and even outside of these events, the two of you pursued a relationship.

🔥 Kabu was the one who confessed to you. The two of you were walking through Motostoke, making your way to some sushi place the gym leaders recommended to try out before Kabu would face a challenger.

🔥 He randomly stopped you and told you that he liked you, a lot, more than friends should. He would then express that he found you alluring and that you kept him on his toes. He was much older than you, obviously, and his life was becoming dull, but you... You brought such warmth and brightness to his life.

🔥 From your witty jokes to how shy you’d get when he’d tease you back. When he’d try to flirt with you and you’d cover your face with your hands, giggling to express just how happy it made you to hear his kind words- Argh. You have him completely wrapped around your finger.

🔥 You did have your concerns initially when he confessed. You shared with him your health issues, and it was important that he knew these things, even if you did speak of them in the past with him... You wanted him to be aware.

🔥 It’s there that Kabu told you that he loves you entirely for who you are, health issues or not, you are who he wants to be with and he’ll hold your hand through your worst days and through your good ones too.

🔥 So you agree to go out with him, much to his relief.

🔥 Allister is happy to hear about it. Very happy to hear about it. As are the other gym leaders and Nessa has become rather good friends with you, Milo has as well, so they were happy to see their father figure be with you.

🔥 Obviously with both of you having significantly different jobs, he always finds some way to connect with you. You need to borrow one of his Pokemon to figure out a theory? They’re yours for however long you need them. You need someone to go out with you in the Wild Area? What time? He’ll pick you up with breakfast./lunch

🔥 Once you moved in with Kabu when your relationship progressed, his favorite thing to do with you is doing your hair in the morning. He always took note of how you styled it, and one morning he asked to do your hair.

🔥 You agreed, as you wanted to see what he would do, and you were surprised to see he managed to do your usual hairstyles- probably even better than you.

🔥 It warmed your heart to know that he noticed these small details about you. So now every morning before you two go to work, he does your hair for you and kisses the crown of your head before your lips to wish you a good day.

🔥 On your days off, you two often go out to do domestic things like shopping for groceries, doing laundry, and cleaning the house up. Sometimes Allister joins in on your hangouts, and it’s become a thing now.

🔥 In a way, Allister has become your son, and it makes you happy to see Kabu feels the same way.

🔥 Kabu feels like you’d be a good parent. The bag you carry with you always has something he or Allister, even those around you, need. Like band-aids, snacks, tissues, pain medication, etc. Someone could name something and you’d more than likely have it. He likes how prepared you are. It makes him less worried about your well-being when he’s not around, because he knows you can take care of yourself.

🔥 The first time Kabu got a taste of your rage, it was when someone couldn’t understand Allister when he decided to be brave one day and order his own food, but obviously his anxiety got the best of him. The vendor snapped at Allister and you didn’t hesitate to drag the vendor through the dirt, and although you said some unsavory things, Kabu felt himself blush.

🔥 It was just attractive. Very very attractive. He showed you how much he loved that side of you later that evening.

🔥 Overall, Kabu feels like he lucked out with you. You’re the person of his dreams and he can’t wait to see what else the future has in store for you two.

[bone-evidence]

Medical stuff under the cut, nothing incredibly graphic but ya know. Surprisingly enough a feel-good story!

So I just had a fantastic appointment with my new doctor?? Went in to check for pcos, and he was talking about how normal periods need to happen so lining doesn't build up in the uterus and stuff, and the thought of having a regular period made me want to cry. So I brought up that we're at a weird intersection because I've been examining my gender identity and yeah, I think I do want to transition.

Y'all, this man was so fucking supportive of me. Like right off the bat. No questions asked, no fight, just 'testosterone would stop the period completely, is that what you want?' And... Wholeheartedly yes. I'm gonna fuckin cry because holy shit. He's going to help find me resources for transitioning, mentioned that I might be able to get top surgery in Toronto, holy shit-

[haveyouevertriedtofuckabox]

I only use they/them pronouns but my fuckin heart goes out to y'all who use multiple pronouns and/or neo pronouns, it irks me so bad when people just use the pronouns they decide you look like and don't use gender neutral and/or neo pronouns or if they do it's rare

I understand it can feel weird for those who aren't used to doing it but it just takes practice, you can practice writing it or saying to yourself

When I worked with trans youth so many of them wanted to use multiple pronouns and/or neo pronouns but we're too afraid people would just disregard them as being too weird and hard to use

All it takes is a little practice and care, and you can make some many people feel more safe and included

[4ggravation]

liveblogging my first time listening to midnights

(warning: long ass post)

lavender haze

this instrumental is fun, i like this

oh this is good! i wasnt expecting it to sound so peppy

very 80s-esque ig? idk how to refer to it

i was expecting a slower, more gentle sorta song, not this

ok i love this

maroon

oh this is different from lavender haze, much less lively

this feels so sadly romantic

that chorus was so good minus the reference to red shades. maroon scarlet and burgundy are not the same color girl

"that's a real fucking legacy" i love how she says that

her voice is so much more faint and mature, it really adds to things

anti-hero

before we begin uh. i have not heard good things about this song. not getting my hopes up

"i have this things where i get older, but just never wiser" she just like me frfr

oh this chorus is not...

"sometimes i feel like everybody is a sexy baby / and i'm a monster on the hill" be so fucking fr rn

the chorus is fucking back. goddamnit.

love the way she says "everybody agrees"

snow on the beach

this instrumental sounds like something in an animated film, if that makes sense

"life is emotionally abusive" real

these lyrics, oh this is so nice

very nostalgic and calm, i'm enjoying this

is that lana's voice? i can't tell

y'all were right. where tf is lana i don't see her

you're on your own, kid

oh my god, this is so

"i waited ages to see you there" woagh

"i search the party of better bodies / just to learn that my dreams aren't rare"

these lyrics bro. i can't explain it but they're making me feel some kinda way

like lavender haze, i was expecting something slower

but i still liked it!

i've already listened to midnight rain, so we shall skip it!

question...?

"fuckin situations, circumstances" me when i have to do things

no taylor, i have never been kissed

"politics and gender roles / and you're not sure and i don't know"

i could see this playing at like. a wine tasting. for some reason

vigilante shit

i'm going into this expecting girlboss taylor, but we shall see

oh my. i like

okay i really like this one. this instrumental fucks

that bridge tho. this song is so

lately i've been dressing for revenge!!!!

bejeweled

immediately the beat is running away from her...

okay, it's getting better i think

why did she say "and we're dancing all night" like that

her flow is weird asf but the instrumental is kinda fun ngl

like anti-hero, it's... alright. not amazing

labyrinth

ooh? this is an interesting intro

these vocals are so nice oh my

"lost in the labyrinth of my mind" i love that line. maybe it's because i'm a maladaptive daydreamer idk

this song is kinda what i expected you're on your own, kid to be. it's lovely and gentle and melancholic, like you could cry and sway to it at the same time

that was so nice omg!!

i've also already listened to karma, so we shall skip it too.

sweet nothing

is this gonna be a sad song. i feel it

aww, these lyrics are nice. not really sad but more wholesome ig? like finally coming home after a long, tiring day

this song is so sweet omg??

ough. why am i feeling so many emotions

the piano was really nice! very pretty song <3

mastermind

the intro... hmm

oh wow. this reminds me of blorbo from my head hold on

this is such a pretty sound. reminds me of the nighttime, ironically

"i'm only cryptic and machiavellian because i care" inch resting...

hmm... as the end to the album, it's really good. definitely one of my favorites!