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#genuinely difficult question (i like or at least tolerate all of these)
commsroom · 7 months
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hera has met maybe a dozen people in her entire life, most of them have intended to harm her in some way, and she's always lived in high stress, isolated environments, where she's had no choice but to live and work alongside them, in spite of that. i like to joke about her getting into internet fights, and she would! she's petty, vindictive, takes things very personally, digs her heels in, and really doesn't like to admit when she's wrong. but i think there's also a genuine concern that she doesn't know how to emotionally handle being surrounded by so many people with hurtful (or even just dissenting) opinions, all the time. she's not really used to interactions that are unpleasant but ultimately not a threat to her, and i think it's going to take her a while to adjust to a social environment where she isn't required to respond to anyone, and she can ignore them. or even just leave.
... though, i think she might develop the opposite problem for a while: when she does realize she can just leave, it'll be difficult to convince her to tolerate any discomfort at all. i think it's important that hera makes friends on earth, not least because she's going to have a lot of insecurity about her current friends having lives and histories on earth when she doesn't, and things going on that she's not a part of, but it's not going to come easily. she's got a lot of (understandable) trust issues, and when is she supposed to tell someone she's an AI? does she need to? is that something that will change how people interact with her? if she doesn't tell them, will she worry they would treat her differently if they knew? it's not a common thing in the world of wolf 359, and i'm sure people have their own biases; the question of "disclosure" is socially and emotionally complicated.
and then, of course, there's the issue that she only exists in that digital space. she can't really "log off." she can't meet people physically. i think a lot about the opening of memoria; knowing that hera canonically feels physically "somewhere else" contextualizes a lot of who she is - how she perceives herself, and how she wants to interact with the world. i want hera to be able to have a body post-canon, but even if she can, there will be a period of time where she is bound to one location and watching the others freely leave it. and that's not even getting into the fact she's used to being able to monitor everyone she knows at all times; post-canon hera is making eiffel stay on the phone with her while he goes one block away to the gas station because otherwise she perceives him as being out of range of her scans and starts catastrophizing that he's probably dead. there's no real conclusion to this; i'm just thinking about trauma and how difficult it is to adapt to a "safe" environment where the mechanisms you've been using to survive no longer serve you, and even in many ways leave you feeling like you're still trapped.
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writing-whump · 1 month
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breathing in a bag: oh god oh god oh god, its here NO ONE PANIC.
I think Seline and Zaya are about to hit a wall of feelings thanks to him being a Silly Rabbit and not telling her "hey baby, i'm like. dying." soooo can I request some sweet sugary seline/isaiah before we're hit with the steamroller?
Date
Very sugary.
Seline was sure today was somehow special for Isaiah. She just couldn't figure out why.
He knocked on her door at 10 am in the morning, asking how many daydream sessions she finished and if she was in the mood for breakfast - in bed. That he knew that she woke up early these days only to fall asleep multiple times to daydream new story scenes or poems amazed her.
Then he brought the English Breakfast restaurant-style breakfast that made her feel equally cherished and underdressed for the occasion.
Usually, they always planned trips and days they wanted to spend together. Today, he was all, "I got a surprise. Trust me?" His excitement was contagious.
And she had to say it was quite the plan. They went to the Albertina gallery, which had two new exhibitions, one with hyper-realistic photographs and one with a political comic-style artist. She loved going to museums and galleries with Isaiah. He was literally the only person in the world who not only tolerated her long gawking and reading of every info, but also discussed the pieces with her. They stayed at each drawing for at least 15 minutes. Matthew would have blacked down after the first two.
Isaiah was not just patience manifested, he seemed to enjoy himself. Whenever he got really nerdy, talking about the psychological effect of using only three base colours or about the historical background of the photographs or about the atmosphere of certain series of photographs resonating with certain kinds of people and brain signals...
Oh god. It was the most exciting thing. She loved watching him. She loved listening to him. She loved that they both had stuff to say, but it didn't feel like a competition. She loved she didn't have to fight to get to say something, that he listed to her. She loved she was genuinely and truly interested in what he would say next. Because she wanted to know his opinions and get fascinated by all the new things he knew.
Isaiah was the only one who could impress her with the stuff he knew. Most people couldn't, aside her professors.
Seline found falling in love incredibly hard. Connecting with people in general, really. In primary school, she was popular for knowing all Disney movies by memory and for thinking up new plays for the kids to play. But since high school, she liked teachers more than any of her classmates.
And how the hell was she supposed to choose friends? Her peers kept falling in love every second day or talking about said crushes and she couldn't phantom what they liked. What was so interesting about that? The boys were little immature screaming bags to her.
Friends that weren't boring we eternally difficult to find. She didn't connect with anyone over anything. Social media weren't her thing, reading wasn't a thing for them. Really, people that shared any of her interests or love for writing were mostly online.
When she did have friends, mostly her girls from primary school and the few sciency friends from university field trips —people she actually didn't find a drag to listen to— they said Seline had too high expectations for a guy. Like, if he was as nerdy as her, he would surely be a head smaller and she better make peace with him not being a looker. Settle down, girl.
She tried dating people, but damn, was it difficult to catch feelings. Why couldn't she feel a thing? The looks weren't that important and if they were there, she figured cringing whenever the guy opened his mouth wasn't a good sign. And when he managed to get through her rigorous list of questions and plans, because how else was she supposed to test their value and interests compatibility? - the emotion was missing entirely.
Universe, could you please, please, give me a person I could admire and feel something for? Anyone like that out there?
And then she met Isaiah.
They had lunch at a small but incredibly good family sushi restaurant. For the cake, he took her to her favorite confectioanry, though, on the balcony with an awesome view, and let her order about four different desserts, when she couldn't decide. Christ, even the place was expensive.
But Isaiah had a twinkle in his eye and a constant smile. It was very rare for him to be in a good mood so openly, like watching her was the most fascinating showpiece.
She couldn't protest anything he said with that expression.
Caught in the moment of watching him, all dressed up in a dashing suit, black hair with that gentle waves to it, green eyes set only on her, she reached over. Her hand went on top of his under the chin, then gently up to stroke his cheek.
"What mask are you wearing today?"
Isaiah kissed her knuckles, too happy to even mind the PDA. "The one I wear with you. I like it the most."
Seline couldn't help the blush, ducking her head. He was more social than her, always alert, always perceptive and adjusting to the situation. Charming gentleman, yes, kind, absolutely. But he could be funny and relaxed, or serious and scary, or authoritative and confident. Every person and group, every situation, brought out a different side of him.
It confused her at the start. Now, she found it fascinating.
Once again, she was tempted to ask what today was. Why was it special? Was there an anniversary she didn't know about? It wasn't a year since they moved in together, that would be in two months. The month they have been together for a year...that would be four months. What was this? They haven't even been a pack a year ago.
The cakes were excellent, but the sweetness and intensity of the different flavours overwhelmed her quickly. She slid her plate with half of the Strawberry Mouse Cake towards Isaiah to go to the Coffee Meringue Cake. They also still had the Apple Strudel and her favorite Mango slice tart. It felt like her birthday.
Isaiah was chuckling indulgently, finishing the cakes for her. Never a better chance to try so many. And the hot chocolates they made there were to die for. When she couldn't decide between that and the Caramel Machiatto, Isaiah ordered both.
"You are spoiling me today."
Isaiah gave her a blinding smile of satisfaction.
They went by foor afterwards, through the two nicest parks and Hofburg all the way to the Danube river. It was like Isaiah had it calculated, cause the sun was just setting and they were at the perfect side of the river to see it without being blinded.
He took her hand, fingers intertwined gently, as they passed bikes and families returning from bathing, reaching a nice molo halfway across the river.
Isaiah guided her to sit down before joining her, suit and all on the wooden molo. She watched him curiously, getting a bit nervous at how heavy the moment felt.
"The sunset is beautiful," she burst out quickly.
Isaiah raised one eyebrow at the remark, smiling. He leaned close enough to kiss her, but only brushed a lock of blond hair behind her ear. "Not as much as you."
Seline bit her lip, looking at him from under her lashes.
"I know beauty isn't that high on your priority list. And I know that's not something you want to be admired for. Not for anything you were given, not for magic or for your looks."
She ducked her head. His fingers lingered in her hair.
"I know you don't go about perceiving the world through physical sensations. You relate through your mind. You want intellectual stimulation to feel connection and interests." His hand still in his hair followed the line of her head to her neck. He cupped her cheek.
"Which doesn't mean you don't have feelings. They are so intense that you prefer to save them for later. Process them in private. That's why you don't need that much stimulation, working through the little details. Understanding yourself inside out. Body comes last and you don't put emphasis on it. If you focus on it, you get bashful."
She could feel the blood rushing to her cheeks under his touch. His voice was silky smooth.
"Not that it's anything to feel ashamed of. But you feel comfortable with contact only after connection has been made. I have been trying to go slowly."
Which was true. He always let her set the pace. Make the first move.
"I don't want to scare you. And I don't want you to feel like you have to say it back." That was the first time he looked down, suddenly a little insecure, before lifting his gaze to hers again.
Her breath caught in her chest, pulse picking up.
"I love how your mind works. Constantly hungry for knowldge. Your thinking is so abstract and so creative and you are never bored, always working on some kind of thought project. Always halfway somewhere else," he said, stroking her cheek with his thumb.
"But I love everything about it. Your mind, your order rituals to keep yourself tethered to the real world, the way you read spoilers ahead to enjoy the same thing from different lenses, your broad view of things, your ability to look at things objectively but also understanding the emotion behind it..."
Seline was amazed how scarily accurate all of this was. She couldn't move under his touch, eyes getting wider.
"I love everything...about you." He looked to the side then. His fingers against her face were shaking. "Just thought you should know."
Seline shook her head, voice all stunned. "That's your new trick? You go all impressive psychology on me and analyse me, cause you know that will make you irresistible?"
Isaiah looked up, startled. "I wasn't-"
"You are ridiculous." Seline grabbed him by the collar and smashed their lips together. Her heartbeat was somewhere in her ears. It felt like she wouldn't be able to breathe if she didn't kiss him immediately.
"You know how hot I find it when you talk all smart. I had a feast of you today," she said against his nose, her hand reaching behind his neck to hold him more securely.
She said hot on purpose, cause that was a word she didn't use often. It was too vague and felt too...indecent. Some part of her was always scared of it, of being some kind of primitive animal only focused on the body.
But with Isaiah the body turned to a medium, the carrier of his soul. It was special because it held him inside, the lips that spoke to her, the spirit looking at her from his eyes. It meant something completely different, to feel this closeness. Touch became a way to express it, not threaten it.
Was she not saying it enough? How much she admired him, how much she enjoyed him? Being this smart and relaxed and doting?
"I'm a girl of words. I love words. And I love when you talk. You are never boring. I'm always learning something," she said, leaning forward to hide her face against his neck. "You have so many faces. So many masks. I want to know all of them."
Her lips brushed against the skin on the side of his throat. Isaiah shivered underneath her.
"I never felt this way...about anyone," she admitted quietly.
Isaiah took her face in his hands, making her look up at him again. "It scares me. It isn't fair to everyone else, how much I can love just you."
Why did that make her so incredibly happy.
Isaiah wrapped her in an embrace and just held her, letting their bodies take comfort from the touch while they both worked through the impact of those words.
Seline ended up leaning against his shoulder, his arm around her back as the sun set in front of them.
It was the perfect moment.
Isaiah's body jostled underneath her suddenly. His free hand moved towards his middle for a second before dropping.
Seline frowned, turning to look at him. She didn't have a good angle on his face, but her access to his throat was ideal. She could feel it bobbing as he swallowed.
She pushed her hand up into his hair gently. "Okay?"
Isaiah shook his head in denial. "Sorry. Just-urrrp-ate too much."
"Oh. All the cakes."
Isaiah suppressed another burp. "I'm sorry. Don't-don't mind it, please." His neck and cheeks went all red.
Seline chuckled, weirdly pleased. "I mean, it's kinda my fault. Kept pushing them to you." She leaned more into him, her whole side pressed into his.
Her hand went down around his back again while she sneaked her free one to his belly, tentatively pulling at his button up.
"I'm sorry, I didn't want to ruin-"
"Shhhhh." She kissed his neck and then his jaw. "It's okay, baby. You couldn't ruin this in any way. This was perfect." Another kiss under his ear. "And it's cute, just so you know."
"You say the silliest things."
"I never say anything I don't mean," she corrected smugly. "You taking your walls down just for a bit. Around me. What's not to like?"
Isaiah huffed. "You can't-"
Her hand sneaked up to his belly, cutting him off. She let her palm rest on top of it, feeling the bloat under her fingers. Having him this close, his breathing a little ragged from the discomfort and emberssment made her insides dance.
"I love this. I love you. I love everything about you." Seline nuzzled her face against his cheek, feeling incredibly intimate. The contact, his sudden shyness. The little crack in that armor he still didn't quite take down. Or was that only her feeling?
"You don't have to say it so many times," he said, scratching at the top of his head self-consciously, turning his head to blow up the air from another breathy burp.
Seline giggled, drunk on the feeling. Feeling. She was feeling so much. She let herself feel it all in that moment, everyting she felt for him. It was a flood of mind-melting, honey-coloured happiness. "I can't say it enough."
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nono-bunny · 10 months
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You think the ATLA fandom would have done a better job writing the show?
Thanks for the ask!
Honestly? Absolutely not. Treating the ATLA fandom as one entity here is a bit of a misnomer here imo. When talking to @phoebester, I mentioned that I kinda feel like I'm more a part of the Zutara fandom rather than the general ATLA fandom- !nd that's for good reason! Zutara fans are inherently more critical because we like something that deviates from canon, and I find that the ATLA fandom are large much more closely matches the disposition of casual watchers, who maybe watch the show once and never think on it further- which is also a valid way to interact with media, it's just not my way, especially with media I find lacking in some way. ATLA is great overall, but it has some glaring flaws -some of which are more controversial than others- and I feel that only fans would really bother to ruminate on those in the way I find a lot of Zutarians do. I'm certain some Kataangers or fans of other ships also have issues with canon, but I feel that no one moreso than Zutara has such beef with it.
So if the question is simply about the fandom at large? No, that's unfeasible, a whole fandom can't write a cohesive story when it already has such huge disagreements about where canon ended up... But I gather that's not what you really meant, anyway. I have read fanfics that feel like they genuinely fixed a lot of the bad writing decisions of the show, but there are also many that made it very clear to me that not everyone necessarily understands/are capable of recognizing the core issues behind them, which makes it difficult to fix them. I've read fics retelling the whole story of the show that change one core thing, but fail to recognize that it would then mean that events don't happen in exactly the same way (Zuko joins early and Aang not being the Avatar are frequent offenders here). So like? At the end of the day, it once again comes to individual writers and their ability to write this story in a competent and engaging way- ATLA had good writers on board, which is why it succeeded despite Bryke being shit ones. I definitely believe that there are writers in the fandom that could've done a better job than Bryke, but like... At its core, the issue with them is about control and entitlement- they don't care about being the ones to put forth solid writing, and it shows. Quite frankly, under Bryke's supervision, no one could've made a better show than what we got, and as tragic as it is... Without them there would be no show, so this is all kind of a moot point in the end, unfortunately.
Also, to me "a better show" would've meant Aang getting completely rehauled, removed, or changed to a villain, and that's a bit of an extreme position because I know that plenty of people do enjoy at the very least season 1 and 2 Aang, but like... Yeah that's just not something I can vibe with anymore unfortunately, even if I tolerable him lol. I also believe in Azula redemption and that Aang should've killed Ozai, both of which are yet again controversial issues, so like.. What to me would be the perfect, most sensible version of show would really not jive with others, which is why a lot of different fics exist!
Adding this in immediately after posting: Also endgame Zutara but that's like. Literally my whole bread and butter so I forgot to add that because of how obvious it seemed to me
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mdhwrites · 9 months
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In an answer to another question, you said that Amphibia acknowledges how change can be beneficial but also difficult and harmful, partly because the ‘quick’ and ‘forced’ change Andrias inflicts on Amphibia by trying to bend the world to his will is presented in a negative light. This is a very good point, but isn’t there a bit of a double standard when it comes to the forced change inflicted by the Guardian?
At journey’s end, the Guardian drops Anne back in Amphibia with three shards for a one-way trip home. It was nice of them to give her a ticket back to Earth…but it also forces Anne into a position where she has to leave a world she loved enough to give her life for, and potentially never see her found family again.
Now, it would be pretty hypocritical for Anne to talk a big deal about accepting that things change whether we like it or not in All In, only to turn around and pick a fight with the god of the multiverse out of a refusal to tolerate being separated from the Plantars. But the Guardian didn’t even consult Anne or ask her if she’d be okay with this before putting her in this position. They just…sent her back, left a little note saying “TTYL,” and didn’t even explain why they couldn’t give her a way back to Amphibia.
Sure, the Guardian knows how much damage was caused by creating the stones to see what mortals would do with unlimited power. Recreating the stones for Anne would have easily risked another disaster happening. But if the Guardian is truly all-powerful, surely they could have given the Calamity Trio a two-way portal that couldn’t be exploited by the wrong hands?
And in the deleted alternate ending, the Guardian does recreate the stones anyway when an old Anne forgets the deal she made and forces them to start their search for a replacement all over again. Now, this alternate ending isn’t canon, so it might not actually be what the Guardian would do, but again, the Guardian never explains why they’ve given one-time-use-only shards.
By all appearances, this is a quick and forced change to inflict on Anne, Sasha, and Marcy. You say the forced changes Andrias inflicts on Amphibia are portrayed as bad, but the narrative doesn’t even question the forced change brought about by the Guardian. Nobody raises so much as a word in condemnation of its actions. Not once does Anne even think to look up to the sky and ask ‘What gives? I sacrificed my life to save Amphibia, and you won’t even give me a two-way portal?’
I understand two-way transportation would have contradicted the message of accepting change and how love transcends distance. But throwing an entity who supposedly could, but won’t, give them a way back muddles things, in my opinion. A big part of Anne’s arc was learning to stand up for herself. Shouldn’t she have stood up to the arguably unfair hand she was dealt?
(Sorry for how long this ask was, I just have a lot of thoughts on this stuff and I get carried away rambling sometimes XD)
So for the sake of focus, I'm going to take all the stuff about the two way transportation and Anne supposedly being out of character for not arguing about the stones and put them to the side. One: because you yourself admit that approaches are flawed, Two: things get deleted for a reason. I could literally probably give you a clear, logical, narratively consistent reason why EVERY storyboard we're shown for TOH was changed or deleted, and Three: I could genuinely go into each topic on its own and so it would make this blog incredibly long.
Instead, I'm going to focus that while it wasn't my first point, I did continue for one more line about why Andrias' change upon the world was so destructive. I specifically point out that it is forcing the world to be something it is not and to bend it to his own will. It is selfish and uncaring of others and the show's themes of community always punishes selfishness.
Instead, the Guardians' final choice... Actually evokes the first sin in Amphibia's timeline, at least for the trio. The Guardian's logic is actually pretty easy to figure out after all. After what the girls did, especially Anne, they deserve a chance to go home, even if the Guardian is now done with allowing inter-dimensional travel, at least easily and by his intervention. So they're given shards to allow them to choose what form of change they want, what sacrifices they will make, but change HAS to happen either way. It is simply best for everyone, you yourself admitted this and a two way portal would not magically fix the issues with it, from the Guardian's perspective to keep the worlds separate..
It is not selfish. Instead, he is doing it for the best of the dimensional community... Just like Marcy's father was going to make them move likely for the sake of keeping his job or a promotion or any number of reasons that were likely motivated by trying to keep his family together or help them prosper. The change it would inflict on Marcy would not be of her own choosing, just as we cannot control the change those around us inflict upon us, but it wasn't done maliciously, nor was forced to be faster than the nature of the change required. There is no way to make a change like that smooth or consequence free. It was always going to hurt, much like when someone around you dies.
Instead of running though, the trio embrace it and head back home where they'll have to deal with reality the most. It's a stark contrast to, while still paralleling, the actions that began the show. A scared girl running from inevitable change and deciding a fantasy world was better than her actual home. For an ending, it's perfect.
So why not show the pain? Well... Because a story needs to end eventually. Amphibia in the end is extremely optimistic about good intentions, community and change so showing Anne or any of the trio cursing God himself for not giving them a fairytale ending makes literally no sense to include in the finale and just adds more time whining when that time could be better spent saying farewell to the characters and staying committed to the hopeful message that it has.
That's something I don't think a lot of people entirely get with stories. There are actually plenty of TOH scenes I've dug into HARD not because there isn't a logic to them or I couldn't explain to you why the characters are behaving the way they are or because it is literally written badly but because, you know... It needs to actually serve the story and the point of a scene. Even if it doesn't 100% adhere to pure logic, it needs to adhere to the thematic and emotional logics of the piece. Those are ALWAYS more important.
Otherwise, you get people bitching at SpyxFamily for the fact that trained spy Loid doesn't give a shit that his wife has literal superhuman capabilities. Logically, they're correct. But... The show IS a comedy. And 90% of the time, Yor's strength and skills are used comedically because that is the tone and purpose of whatever scene is going on. It adheres to the logic of what the show at least pretends to be. It's actually why I find myself questioning the serious portions of the show more. Not because they make less literal sense but because they make it so when the show shifts back into silly times with Anya at school, it is fucking JARRING.
And for Amphibia's ending, the point is how much good change has done these characters. Saying farewell and embracing how much both the characters and the audience have treasured the characters they've been with. There's a reason why the epilogue, and even the farewell before it, come across like a curtain call to a play as much as a natural scene. A final chance to say farewell before we probably never see them again. And, you know, because they commit to that instead of trying to prove they're so smart or address every potential thing someone might claim is illogical about the show mostly set in a frog world, it is able to genuinely say goodbye to those characters and stay emotionally and thematically consistent throughout.
Because those things, in 99% of stories, is WAY more important than being 'logically correct'. It's also why I don't really think there is a better version of Amphibia's ending. Period.
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I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.
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rowavolo · 1 month
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how dare you not elaborate on maleko,,,, “oh he’s basically just my take on capitano” what Is It,,,,, holds out a plate like a poor victorian boy,,,,
— blue (ty for the acct and the tag btw!! i will go snooping now)
HELLO im so sorry. i genuinely forgot not everyone has the same exact brand of capitano brainrot that my partner and i do . so some ramblies below the cut in a very disorganised fashion :3
there may also be some spoilers in here for the capitano x kemonomimi reader fic im working on which will totally get updated one day i prommy
Ok so Maleko (hereby referred to as capitano) is indeed my take on GI capitano but better in every single way (joking but only a little)
I sort of passively imagine him to also be from the old mondstadt, so he has some knowledge surrounding that, and it's extra jarring when he tries to speak Mondstad's native language, people are just sort of like. "um. why are you speaking in ye olde german mondstadt"
despite what his muscle and strength might have you believe, he's genuinely not a very violent guy, he just happens to be willing to use anything and everything at his disposal to reach whatever end goals are in his mind (presumably something god-hating. or maybe hes just tagging along for the funny)
he's also fiercely loyal, as in would die and kill for someone at a moment's notice level of loyal. its almost unnerving.
he's also very very quiet - folks dont tend to notice it due to how loud his presence seems, but he barely utters a word - his orders usually get passed through his generals or simple grunts or hand gestures. it's shockingly effective.
on a similar note, i do imagine he actually has selective mutism that kicks in around more than a handful of people, but it's not really something that seems to hinder him
I know he's some species of Creature to me. not entirely sure which. definitely dragon-adjacent (of course), but there's also a part of me that wants him to be something with an exoskeleton, so that in some places, the armour is literally just Him. He definitely has a more beasty form to go along with the humanoid one too!
hes actually a huge softie, but hides it well enough that nobody ever really notices or questions it (though his fellow harbingers do like to speculate behind his back. theyre just Like That. gossipy mom group)
wears his hair tightly wound/braided in protective styles, it's super long and he needs it out of the way especially during battle (yes hes creature. yes he can have hair. these two can coexist). He'll occasionally adorn it with little trinkets and the like, but his main concern is keeping it from hindering him Without lopping it all off (he finds it more difficult to care for and make look Good when it's short. it just goes FLOOF).
Actually really enjoys strategizing. He's a powerhouse on the field and can turn the tide of a battle at a moments notice, but given time to plan ahead, he usually doesn't need to (i imagine him and kokomi would actually have a lot to talk about!). Because of this, there are also some board games he enjoys, as well as genius invocation.
he is not very expressive. it is very hard to tell when/if he likes someone because the line between tolerance and annoyance is so so blurred. folks say it's due to the helmet but in actuality his face is just Like That.
he is, however, very polite. unless someone is actively hindering him in some way while hes trying to do something, he will not do anything about it. but if they start getting in the way, theyre getting grabbed by the scruff like a kitten and put at arm's length.
oh hes also very big. VERY BIG. closer in size to the robot we see sandrone with in the trailer, if anything. like. brick wall of a man big. has to duck under most doorways big. HUUUUGE. foul legacy sized at the very LEAST. just broader.
he doesn't often find time to indulge in any hobbies, and even if he does, he tends to spend it training instead because the idea of not doing useful things sets him on edge.
HOWEVER if someone (cough . me . cough. ) were to force him to take a break, he'd enjoy hobbies that involve creating things for the ones he loves. Woodcarving is definitely a past time of his, he's a very good cook (but refuses to do it because he knows others will bother him about it), and he has a soft spot for cheesy romance books (like.. they stare wistfully at each other from across the ballroom level cheesy) and period pieces.
i feel like theres so so much more to say about him but i cant THINK of it right now. but anyways my cappy my beloved hes soooo silly <3!!!!!!
I hope this was enough to feed you, Blue!!
Friendly reminder not to copy or repost my work, feed it to AI learning modules, or otherwise steal it!
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nat-of-personifs · 3 months
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varholt trauma ideas because i saw this
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today and i think blorbostate number 2 is the one who will be forgiven of all her crimes ❤️ andolont made her do it anyway >:( /hj and also she has pretty privilege
i think it would be really funny if andolont actually knew fuck all about how to fight and it was just varholt carrying her the whole time (in reality she’s competent varholt’s just better and also andolont’s always been kind of a coward when she isn’t heavily drunk so she’d use her sister as a human shield)
in actual things that are not me acting like a simp on the mezfllok varholt is. so heavily repressed. the facial expressions she will allow herself to have range from very happy to mildly displeased. i assume her government talks about that reputation the way the japanese government talks about the world war 2 crimes it drives kuft alum and most anyone else who was her victim and spends time in her presence insane. and they just have to go along with her narrative because she’s yk rich and they probably rely on her for food. and she is genuinely nicer now. so they keep it to themselves when they’re sober but nobody ever goes out drinking with varholt because old hurts WILL make themselves known.
nobody ever goes out drinking with varholt also because she is an alcoholic (substance abuse runs in the norgri family tbh) though unlike andolont she knows its an issue and is trying to quit. unsuccessfully because when she knows her facade is close to breaking she relapses, which usually ends up with her destroying her room and once she nearly stabbed her king. she didn’t even remember doing it because she was blacked out
(varholt is very violent when she’s more than tipsy though since her alcohol tolerance is so high it is also difficult to get her more than tipsy)
also she does miss andolont sometimes. she’d rather fall on a sword than admit it because at least falling on a sword is something she’s done before
she is prone to sleep paralysis. her sleep paralysis demon varies but tends to look like her sister and her father
she wasn’t treated badly at all under andolonsk rule since she was considered a slightly different kind of andolonsk, andolont just didn’t comprehend that she could have a differing opinion on anything as a result, which meant the only decisions varholt made were on the battlefield. one of the only ways you can tell varholt’s feeling particularly bad is when she hesitates on simple questions, like she’s waiting for someone to respond for her, and she’s pretty quiet to begin with (she only speaks when spoken to and when she really has something she needs to say) so good luck
she dresses surprisingly modestly (much to the chagrin of certain people on the mezfllok that uh. definitely do not include me. definitely) because she has some obvious skin allografts on her thighs and especially her stomach from her fields being burned down in the sumralandi independence war (stomach because that’s near the uterus and uh, fertility metaphor) and she does not like to be reminded of that
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Hello Kat!
First, thank you for what you're doing here. Your blog has helped me a lot in the past and I'm genuinely grateful for what you're doing here, even if I'm just one anon in the mass of all the messages you receive!
Then, I think I need an opinion and I figured I could ask!
For context, I'm a very anxious person. I've never had a diagnosis for it, but my therapist is pretty convinced I have social anxiety at the very least and probably a generalized anxiety disorder. Long story short, she's not a psychiatrist so she can't diagnose me here, but yeah I'm pretty sure she's right.
I've been taking meds for my anxiety every once in a while when it gets too difficult to manage on my own (btw I asked for advice on that back when I started a few years ago, and you and some people following this blog had been a great help with that, so thanks again!)
I'm not sure if I want to start taking the meds more regularly (unlike now, when I only take them when I feel especially anxious). I'm struggling with an imposter syndrome here, I'm feeling like I don't really need them that much and so I shouldn't take them often. Like I'm not struggling enough. And I actually don't think I really want to take them more regularly, but I don't know if that's because of some internalized ableism and the fear of accepting that I need them, or if I simply don't want to. It would definitely be easier to deal with everything with those meds to help me, but it feels like I'm not at a point where I actually need to rely on them, so I can't bring myself to take them regularly.
My partner has been insisting that I take them as if that'd solve everything, but it feels icky to me. I don't like seeing those pills as a magical solution, but he might be right? I know he wants to help, but it feels sometimes like my own opinion doesn't matter. Like he's doing that simply because it's less trouble for him if I'm easier to deal with thanks to the pills, no matter how I actually feel about that. Especially since at times, he makes me feel like I can't trust myself with my mental health, which is making me doubt my own judgement a lot.
It feels like he might be correct about the meds and I should accept that they will make things easier for me and take them, but I can't shake off the idea that it's cheating and that I don't need them all the time. And thus, I shouldn't take them regularly. Other people around me are pretty judgemental and worried when it comes to treatments like that and it scares me a bit. I don't know what to do.
Maybe I should go get an actual diagnosis and discuss that with a psychiatrist or even just with my therapist? Or should I try the meds more regularly, just to see how it feels? I don't really want to, but it's been rough lately and it could maybe help. I'm a bit lost! If you have any input, it'd be greatly appreciated. But anyway, I hope you have a good day!
Which medication are we talking about here? Because if it's a benzo, then I do not encourage you to start taking it regularly, considering the question of addiction, tolerance and dependency. Not because I don't think you have anxiety, but because that particular group of anti anxiety medication is notorious for being dangerous when used frequently long term.
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tiredassmage · 2 years
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🤥🌋🕷️🙈 for savosta! :D
For my son!!!! Thank you!! From OC emojis ask
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Lying - Are they good liars? Do they have tells to show they're lying?
Savosta doesn’t need to lie that often. His conviction has always been rather strong, though what he places that level of belief in has certainly shifted over his years. Savosta’s probably more likely to stay neutral and avoid direct comment (or simply stand his ground) if there’s a lie he feels the need to enact, though his most common one was probably been “I’m fine.”
He passes that one to his crew in the wake of Baras’s betrayal, which does a lot more to void him of emotion than spark any passions anew. He tells it to himself fairly often. And, of course, he passes it off to Rhystyl a few times, too. And Rhyst is probably the best at getting his honesty past the way he avoids eye contact and tends to plant stubbornly in place or turn away and fold his arms. Savosta lies by omission. He’s rather selective with whom he shares his struggles honestly with and he uses his position and reputation as the Wrath to shut down unwelcome inquiries and conversations that would try to pry unwanted. It’s usually enough - and more a strength and presence measure than the subtle art often employed by the Empire’s agents.
Volcano - How bad is their temper? Is it a slow boil, or an instant explosion?
Topically then! Savosta was trained to be a force of nature. He has little care for deceit and misdirection and that makes it rather difficult to miss when he is angered. When truly ignited, he can certainly be explosive. He has few qualms with making his displeasure and irritability known nor is he averse to solving problems with his lightsaber.
That said, he tends to get loud before things go completely violent - at least when dealing with those closer to allies rather than enemies. Perceived threats, he historically has little trouble taking on directly and relentlessly in combat. He’d absolutely lodge something in the wall in a fit of rage, but very rarely does he lose his enunciated speech. You will know his purpose and his displeasure. That, you may bet on. It's hard to miss the glaring red eyes set against sharply twisted brows as a snarl rakes across his lips.
The further extents of violence and room-rearranging anger is tempered by his eventual reflections and alliance-turned-friendship with Jedi Knight Rhystyl, though a modicum of that Sith mindset that deals with failures in a very clean-cut, no questions remain fashion remains with him.
And he will not tolerate being anyone’s pawn ever again. That’s still liable to get you killed if you try.
Spider - What's their greatest fear? Do they have any irrational / mundane fears?
At the core, Savosta’s always just wanted to belong. Whatever sense of it he had in youth was torn away when his Force sensitivity manifested and he was exiled from the Chiss with his family turning their backs on him to save the face.
In Asylum, he is confronted with the possibility of losing the one person he genuinely connected with - Rhyst. And it’s also a bit of an uncomfortable question-raiser for him that makes him silently wonder if this is a twisted form of dependency. He wishes not to be a slave to another’s will and machinations again and he fears that what if? in the potential loss. What is he without the guiding star that finally made him question his place and start to shed his mold? Will it last? Or was he playing a part in another tune?
Generally, all they experience together tends to put these worries to rest on its own. He gets opportunities to return the favor of being the rock in the middle of the storm and, for an important point and change, Rhyst is someone he feels comfortable talking to, so he can actually voice and discuss these concerns - and Rhyst doesn’t turn him down.
As for more mundane, I will have to mull that one over a bit more. Nothing so far has come up, lol.
See-no-evil - What's a side of your oc that they don't want to share with other people?
Savosta’s relationship with Jaesa ultimately turns into a mirror of him at his worst. Going from a LS run to Savosta and her on DS was a jump, but it’s what Savosta would do at the time of meeting her. She becomes his apprentice well before he’s aware Baras has any machinations of him. Savosta was still pleased with his position as Sith and he was in no way ready to hear the message that change for the better was still an option for him.
So, Savosta takes her as an apprentice and teaches her the ways of the Sith. He isn’t particularly fond of her clinginess or demanding nature, but he tolerates this somewhat impassively as what being Sith means to her. Plenty of Sith exercise their passions in such a form, so he sees little genuine problem with it. He finds her a bit obsessive, at times, and he curbs her occasionally as a master might with their apprentice in due course, but he doesn’t discourage her. He doesn’t stop her. She finds the depths of darkness just as he had been taught.
And this gets… emotionally bitey in the Alliance-era. Because Savosta’s wildly different by then. And he regrets what he put her through. But he also considers her his responsibility to deal with. Not Rhyst’s. Not the Alliance’s. He made this problem. And he will deal with it.
Savosta isn’t the savior that Rhyst is to him. He’d probably go so far as to feel it might not even be his place to try to sway her back. What he confronts is the unrepentantness and depths of darkness he once explored as a full Sith, the same unwillingness to change, the same righteous belief in justification and bloody glory. She’s not looking for his apologies or his explanations. She’s looking for a fight and Savosta obliges.
It’s not the decision Rhyst would make and there’s a bit of shame to that as well. But that level of darkness, hatred, fear… That’s not a place Savosta ever wants to return to and it’s not a burden he’s ready to share, even with his best friend. That’s a part of the past Savosta believes should be firmly left behind.
It’s certainly far from ideal for all parties involved. Maybe he could have reached her, maybe there’d be too much clash and friction for him being the one to encourage her down that path in the first place. Either way, that path is not one he finds himself willing to follow. He sees a threat. And he’ll never quite change completely to the Jedi’s ways; his loyalty will be to Rhyst first, and he’ll gladly follow him to the Republic. But it takes him little deliberation to answer a threat still with his blade. You do not go after his people.
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narrans · 2 years
Text
Wizard of the Wood | 15 | Snowbound and Solo
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14
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Two weeks. It was hard to believe that it had already been two weeks since Essie had rescued Rylir from the blizzard outside. Two weeks since they resumed living their lives under the same roof. An entire two weeks of compromise and care. It was almost an entirely new experience from what life was like before.
Rylir made a full recovery after the first couple of days thanks to Essie’s diligent care and attention. Though she scolded him the first afternoon for carelessly charging out into the frigid mountainside forest and then attempting to make the trek back with limited supplies, Rylir could tell there was something in her voice that was different.
It was more tender – caring.
While she never lost her straightforward and direct approach in addressing him or saying what was on her mind, Rylir could hear something different in the wizard’s voice. She was actually worried about him. She was genuinely concerned for what had happened to him. He knew she cared about life and preserving it, but now he had confirmed that she truly cared about him specifically.
The thought made him smile.
Perhaps she wasn’t as cold and unfeeling as she generally let on.
Then again…
Rylir could have thought differently because, immediately following his recovery, she cracked down on him hard to learn more about the herbs and their uses than ever before. Essie claimed it was because the spring season was coming in the valley and she would need all the help she could get finding the smaller plants which her own eyes sometimes failed to pick up, but Rylir also suspected she enjoyed their learning sessions.
At the very least, she had built up a tolerance to him and wasn’t bothered by his questions or teaching him some of the same material over and over again.
It was after those two weeks that Essie surprised Rylir with something he didn’t expect.
“You… want me to go out harvesting on my own?” asked Rylir, legs dangling off of the edge of the flower box he had just tended to. “Are you sure about that?”
“Yes,” replied Essie as she finished dusting the soil off her fingertips. “I believe it will be good for you to go out on a harvesting mission independently. It will be a real test of your skills, and the herb you are looking for is not particularly difficult to identify.”
“And it’s… mint, right? For infections?” asked Rylir.
“Yes. Mentha piperita. It helps ease internal stress, calming anxieties, and promotion of restful slumber. It also makes an excellent tea. It grows by streams, so you should be familiar with the terrain,” stated Essie, a tease hinting in her voice.
“Really? You are really going to tease me about that so soon after I almost froze to death?” asked Rylir.
“It will be good practice for you to navigate to your location, collect the correct herb, and then navigate back. Consider it an opportunity to redeem yourself as well as prove your earlier point about practicing your autonomy and exercising the skills you have learned from me,” stated Essie.
“And you think I’m ready? To go out on my own and find this? What if I bring back something poisonous?” asked Rylir.
“Unlikely. Your skills have progressed significantly since you have been spending more time dedicated to your studies. We have drilled the herbs and how to identify them. To be honest, there is little chance of you misidentifying an herb as recognizable as mint,” stated Essie. “Also, this is a simple, independent training exercise and not a life-or-death scenario. In addition… I believe you can do this. Don’t you?”
Rylir reached up and scratched the back of his neck. Essie did have a point. This wasn’t something that his life depended on. She was using this as a training opportunity, and he wanted to take every chance she gave him to show her he was capable of doing things on his own.
If she thought he could do this, then that was all the confidence he needed to make it happen.
They had a quiet lunch together before he gathered up his pack, dressed in as many layers that he could while still being able to maneuver, and stood ready by the door. It wasn’t until he crossed the threshold that he glanced up at Essie and called up to her.
“So, you’re really not coming?”
Essie shook her head in reply.
“You do not need me to accompany you. Ensure you are back before sundown. If not, I will have to come looking for you and the torment shall not cease this time,” she warned. Rylir nodded and headed out into the snow.
The brisk afternoon air, thankfully, was not as cold as it was the day he left. There was a bit of warmth to the air, thankfully, and the promise of spring lingered in the trees and the melting snow. Rylir remembered where the banks were, and it was going to be a bit of a trek if he was going to make it there and back before sundown.
Essie watched Rylir turn and begin walking down to the right, carefully following along the tree line so he could brace himself if he were to slip.
She knew he was capable of doing all these things. The Wizard of the Wood had the utmost confidence Rylir could make it there and back again. At the same time, she had a subtle unease that he may need some assistance.
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Rylir carefully slid from tree to tree when the areas were far too slick to walk down. It reminded him of a game he used to play as a child, sliding down the side of a hill to see how far he could slide.
This, sadly, was no game and he was certainly not a child anymore.
Rylir grasped onto the bark of a nearby tree as his feet attempted to give out from under him once again. He was sure his side was going to be one large bruise if he landed on it again. Surveying his surroundings, he saw one indistinct tree after another. To make sure he didn’t lose his way, he pried away a small patch of bark in the same place on every tree he passed.
For a short while, he thought he was completely and utterly lost. He knew Essie would never let him hear the end of it if he got lost this early into his first solo mission. It wasn’t until he stopped and listened as he had seen Essie do many times before that he heard something familiar.
The trickling water of the stream.
The afternoon sun had melted enough of the snow for him to hear the stream!
Rylir slid down a patch of ice, barely catching himself against one of the trees, until he finally spotted the stream. Long icicles dangled from the edges of the banks and formed small caves out of ice and snow.
He knew he needed to be careful there by the water so he wouldn’t slide in and make a freezing mess of himself. So, one step at a time, he tiptoed through the crunching ice, kneeling and checking every so often by the banks for a hint of the green leaves he was searching for.
Slowly but surely, he made his way upstream. He was beginning to feel disheartened when, by the banks, he spotted a patch of green, jagged leaves. Rylir nearly slid back down the way he came in his haste to get up to the patch, but he avoided slipping all the way up. Sure enough, there was a large bundle of mint right there.
Harvesting didn’t take very long at all. He was sure to leave some behind, harvest the roots, and then repack the exposed dirt so the other roots weren’t exposed to the elements. He packed the roots away carefully and made the hike back, following the path of exposed bark he made on the way to the stream.
While he walked back, he couldn’t help but notice that some of the snow further up ahead had been disturbed, which he thought was odd. Had something come through here?
Just as the sun set, Rylir crossed back over the threshold, victorious.
Essie, who was still working at her desk, actually offered a smile when Rylir came back inside. He allowed her to help him up onto the desk as he presented his prize.
As she examined the herbs, Rylir glanced by the door and noticed something odd.
On the shoulders of Essie’s cloak, there were dozens of tiny droplets of water. Was that… melting snow? He glanced over at Essie, who was still admiring the herbs he brought with him.
“Essie?” he asked, gaining her temporary attention. “Did you… go outside?”
“Hm? No. Why?” she asked absently.
Rylir couldn’t hide the smile. Though it was the first time Essie had been dishonest with him, somehow he couldn’t be mad about it. She had gone along… she had gone outside to make sure he was okay and that he made it back on his own. If anything… it showed she cared… which was a lot more than he could have said a few months ago.
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Continue
Previous
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One Shot | Wizard of the Wood
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Ask Me Anything
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crackdkettle · 2 years
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Canon versions of Supernatural characters as undergrad professors
Dean: Acts like he hates his students but is everyone’s favorite. Hilarious but you’re not sure if you’re allowed to laugh. Lectures are fun, interesting, and informative, but you have to decode his pop culture references and you will drop a whole letter grade if you say anything even vaguely disparaging about Led Zeppelin (or, god forbid, don’t know who/what Led Zeppelin is). Believes in hands-on learning, so there’s a lot of in-class activities. Not approachable in the least, but very understanding and willing to help anyone who has the guts to ask. Casually drops the most insane details from his life and moves on; refuses to elaborate when questioned (also there’s no way he could have done all the stuff he’s claimed he has when he’s still this young?). Could have a knife stuck in his chest and would still come to class, but will get one text from his husband or kid and end class forty minutes early. Exams are challenging but easy enough if you attend class and take decent notes.
Sam: Not an easy A, but not a difficult one either. Definitely a case of “you get out what you put in”. Happy to grant extensions on projects, but you basically have to have a therapy session with him in exchange. Interesting if you already like the subject, but probably won’t get you interested if you don’t. Seems about as normal as any academic but at least once a week will say something completely out of left field and act like it’s not the craziest thought anyone’s ever had.
Charlie: Spends the first class showing you how to pirate all your textbooks. Super fun, but don’t make the mistake of thinking that means she’s a pushover. Uses Lego action figures to reenact ancient myths, and offers extra credit for LARPing. Adopts any and all baby queers. In lieu of a final exam, the whole class has to do a dramatic reading of Lysistrata in the school’s amphitheater wearing chitons she taught you to make earlier in the semester to an audience comprised solely of her and her best friend.
Rowena: Terrifying in lower-division classes; fun and chill in upper-division classes. Doesn’t tolerate insolence in lower-division; loves when you challenge her in upper-division. Genuinely wants to help you learn. Rewards ass-kissing but rewards effort more.  Reassures you when you mess up that you can never be as good as her anyway. Invites your 400 class over for dinner and makes a joke about the food being poisoned in a way that makes you feel like maybe she’s not joking? Possibly having an affair with the dean. Heavily attended office hours.
Crowley: Genuinely hates his students (except for the elite few he likes), but a weirdly forgiving grader. Very easy to distract and get off on a tangent. You probably won’t learn much but you will have a good time. Exams are either a cake walk or downright impossible. In a feud with the dean.
Bobby: Both the most knowledgeable and the wisest person you’ve ever met. You want to record all his lectures and then transcribe them because every single thing he says is the most profound thing you’ve ever heard. Sincerely wants you to succeed. Everyone wants him as their advisor. Never assigns essays in his GE classes because “the students don’t like writing them, and more importantly, I don’t like reading them.” In a feud with the dean, and extremely smug in the knowledge that the dean can’t do jackshit to him because he’s tenured.
Castiel: All his lectures are either insultingly elementary and broad or doctorate-level technical and specific. No patience for stupid questions. Constantly refutes things in the textbooks but refuses to cite his sources beyond “I was there” (when writing was invented??). Cancels class at least once a week “due to a family emergency”, but then you run into him at the local arcade with his husband and/or son. Never returns homework and seems put upon/confused when you ask about it (usually says something like, “Human markers of academic success are meaningless,” and just squints at you if you ask what he’s doing in academia then). In a feud with the dean, the provost, and the university president. Essay-only exams. Rumor is he’s never given anyone an A.
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devilmaywrite · 3 years
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Hey hey!!! Cam I request B U and W for vergil please?
sure thing!
B - Best Friends — What was it like to be friends with them? Have things changed since you started dating?
Being friends with him would be equally as fun than with Dante and Nero (though in a very different way), but acquiring his friendship is just as difficult as his romantic love. You have to be strong in your own way though this extends far beyond physicality, he admires strength and fortitude above all even if that strength is mental or emotional. He questions your motives for a while so he’ll be standoffish and even rude to you at times until he begins to warm up to you. But friendship with Vergil is quiet and relatively low-key. You’re likely to spend a lot of time reading with him, whether that be in the quiet of your own home or the local library. You’ll have to appreciate or at least be okay with silence to get along with Vergil and you’ll likely end up initiating most conversations. Vergil is direct and will tell you about any qualms he may have with you and expects you do the same. He won’t tolerate subtleties in that regard. Overall, you need a backbone to be friends with Vergil. He will never coddle you.  
The change to a relationship is very slow. It will take a long time for Vergil to realize that he has feelings and even longer for him to act on them. It may seem unlike him but he is afraid of rejection. Plus, he deeply values your friendship. Not many people are able to break down his walls and truly get to know him. He appreciates directness but he chokes if you tell him how you feel about him first. He may even reject you at first because the thought of a relationship scares him. Sure, you already know almost all there is to know about him and you’ve offered little to no judgement. But there’s a special kind of intimacy to a romantic relationship that scares Vergil. So much like any endeavor involving Vergil, you will have to be patient and persistent. Eventually, he’ll come around and admit his feelings. This will be easier for him if he already knows you feel. He’ll apologize for rejecting you and request that you give him another chance. And you do, of course. 
U - Unique — What’s something they would do only for their s/o?
He’s softer with you in a romantic relationship than when he’s friends with you. Not that he’s not already soft in a friendship but he shows it more openly, I guess? Or rather, it’s just different. He’s less apt to compliment you on the little things or touch you in a friendship, his patience with you also runs thinner in a friendship. I think he’s fairly touch adverse as he’s mostly known violence throughout his life. So you’re likely the first person he’s ever been truly affectionate with. 
W - Witty — What was their reaction to making their s/o laugh for the first time?
He’s pleasantly surprised, I’d say. He wasn’t expecting it as he’s not exactly the most humorous man. It’s not often that he gets a genuine laugh from people. He finds that he enjoys the sound of your laugh and the ways your face lights up and your eyes crinkle when you smile. So he does try to crack more jokes that he thinks you’ll like here and there. 
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raggaraddy · 3 years
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Can you please do a yandere hyung line reaction to MC being jealous and tries to hide it ( For jin could you please make it as his wife has come back for a short holiday or something)
A/N: My brain did not want to do the writing thing the last couple of days, but I got there. I think these stories are good? but somehow they all ended up a bit soft. I hope you like them though 🤞 because it was a great request! Thank you 💜💜💜
@blacksnow160
Summary: Hyung line reaction when you get jealous.
Trigger warning: Smut, violence, blood-drinking, murder, abuse, yandere themes.
Alpha! Namjoon
Normally you didn't consider yourself clingy. You enjoyed your personal space and your time alone. But at the same time, you've also become accustomed to Namjoon dropping everything to take care of you. This entire week though, he's been preoccupied with a territorial issue, and the last 3 nights he hasn't even come to bed.
Leaving you feeling a little discarded, to say the least.
Nevertheless, you're a mature adult, and you were able to let it go with the knowledge that Namjoon is an Alpha who has responsibilities and knowing that he would still rather be with you.
It is, however, a comfort that you have trouble holding on to whenever you see the new girl around him. It's not like you're jealous. It's just that she doesn't seem to know how to behave respectfully or appropriately around Namjoon. She always stands too close or looks at him a bit too much, and she's way too touchy. Only his elbow, arm, or shoulder. But it's like, get your fucking hands off him.
Rationally, you know Joon is your mate and you own his heart, mind, and body. Still, it doesn't stop you from tossing restlessly, laying in bed at 2 am, once again alone. The two things added together making you feeling sour. Feeling sick of being sent away while this other girl gets to stick around being way too familiar with your Boyfriend.
Coming downstairs in your pyjamas, you weave in among the wolves working your way to Namjoon. Standing at the dining table, looking over a mess of paper, he notices you right away a small smile lifting the corners of his mouth.
"Y/n, what are you doing up?"He asks, checking his watch.
There she is again, right next to him. Her hand casually coming off his shoulder when she sees you.
"It's late. Go back to bed, Beautiful." he coos.
You ignore his instruction. Wrapping to his side by pushing yourself between him and this girl, creating space for yourself with a not-so-subtle shoving of your elbow into her arm. Smiling up at him sweetly as he accepts your presence, hugging you tightly.
"We're going to be busy most of the night. You should go to bed." he leans down to whisper, his breath tickling your ear. He's trying not to draw the focus from the rest of the table into your personal discussion.
"I'll go up when you come with me." You whisper back.
"It's going to be a few more hours still baby." He sighs, seeming frustrated with the circumstances.
"Then I'm staying here."
"You shouldn't-"
"Don't argue with me Kim Namjoon. You're not going to win this one." While it's said in jest, you also mean it. He'll have to drag you upstairs to make you go. And if he steps foot in that bedroom, you both know you'll be able to make him stay.
"Oh really?" He challenges, fighting the smile growing on his face, not wanting to encourage your mischievous behaviour.
Grabbing the collar of his black tee, you pull him down to your height, smacking your lips against his. Kissing him passionately and longingly. Something you haven't been able to do for nearly a full week.
Letting his shirt go, his smile is fully grown. His dimples on display.
"Really." You finalize, looking up at him coquettishly.
You can see the struggle playing in his mind. He's extremely tempted to throw you over his shoulder and take you upstairs right now, his wolf fighting to shirk his responsibilities and give in to desire. His chest rumbling lowly as he winks down at you.
"Okay baby." his fingers dig into your hips, "If you're gonna play dirty, you can stay." He teases with a chuckle. Resisting the bait.
Feeling calmed and relaxed on the warmth of his hold again, a smug sense of pride fills your chest. From the corner of your eye, you can see her attention on the two of you. Your ego is not able to resist, and you shoot a cold pointed glare at her. A smirk creeping onto your face as she looks down, avoiding your eye line.
"Seeing as it's late, do you wanna make coffee for everyone?" You order her in the form of a question, speaking loudly enough for both her and Namjoon to hear your sassy, obvious tone.
She looks a little stunned. She'd just been promoted to the inner circle for this problem-solving session, and she doesn't seem pleased at being asked to perform menial tasks. Trying to go over your head, she looks at the Alpha for confirmation. But he doesn't give it to her. Instead, you can feel him nod, supporting your order. A full smile filling your face as you get his backing.
"Of course, Luna." she obeys, looking a little dejected.
"Thank you." you shoo her to action with a sing-song voice. Curling into Namjoons side, you can't help but feel authoritative. And a little bit victorious.
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King! Seokjin
It had been nearly two weeks since you had seen Jin last. As frustrating as it was, you were genuinely missing him. There was a kind of energy he had when it was just the two of you. Something that filled you, and without him you were feeling like your own spirit was draining away.
It would be okay though, today Jin was coming back from visiting his wife and children. You're sure he missed you just as much as you missed him. That he was as excited to see you, as you were to see him. You were a little worried knowing that you would have to satisfy his sadism first, but you can tolerate it, thinking that at least you'll get to see his smile.
As the day is drawing to an end, you've finished all your tasks but you refuse to retire for the night, certain the King is going to call for you at any minute. Feeling a mix of excitement and relief when the staff manager comes to collect you.
Nearly skipping you rush to the dining hall, having been instructed to serve dinner to the King and his guest. Working with another maid to bring the meals from the kitchen.
Walking in, the smile you were trying to conceal disappears completely. Your stomach dropping. Jin's guest is the Princess. His wife.
You have to control your expression to hide your distress, feeling sick while serving him. His wife never comes down. She hasn't in a year and a half. Jin doesn't even really like her. It doesn't make sense why she's here.
With a curt bow, you remove the closh and place the plate down. Meeting the King's eye for a moment, you do your best to placify your appearance. Your efforts cracking when you see his lips pulling ever so slightly into a knowing smile.
He dismisses the other maid, but not you. Sending you to the waiting station by the wall. You're stuck watching over their conversation. Feeling more and more insecure as you look at the Princess's regality and beauty. Getting more frustrated as your mind runs rampant.
How long is she going to stay? It doesn't seem like they brought the Princes, so she has to go back soon. And what kind of mother leaves her children alone? It doesn't even matter that she's here, you know Jin likes you more. So what if she is really pretty, he can't hurt her like he can you. You make him happy. She's just a prop he was given to secure a treaty. He actually chose you.
Slowly, you're building yourself into a craze. Making yourself feel sad until the very end of the meal. Finally, their dinner date ends and he stands, kindly bowing to see her off. Leaving only you and him in the hall.
Relaxing back in his seat, he finishes the remainder of his drink.
"Y/n." Holding his empty glass to the side, he calls you over. You follow his gesture and top up his cup. Avoiding looking directly at him again. Pacing back to your place when he stops you.
"Come here." He grins, enjoying how uncomfortable you are. "You met my wife today." He pushes the difficult topic, again probing for your reaction.
Nodding softly, you're trying to not let your bitterness out. You know Jin doesn't like it when you pout.
"Are you jealous Princess?" He holds his hand out for you to take, leading you closer to him. Leaning back to create a space for you on his lap. Guiding you over him with your legs spread.
"No, your Majesty." You shake your head, your pause and hesitation giving away the truth.
Jin's gentle touch comes off your hand, his grip instead ripping back your hair, arching your back and nearly yanking you off of his lap. Biting back a shriek, you can't keep entirely quiet, whimpering as his fist curls tighter and closer to your scalp.
"Are you lying to me?" His mouth latches onto your shoulder, biting into your muscle vindictively. Unbridling that scream you had tried to smother.
"Yes. I'm sorry your Majesty!" you cry out, tears building in your eyes. "I'm jealous. I missed you. I want you-" all the truth is pouring out, but you hesitate worried you're being too bold, "all to myself."
His grip comes out of your hair. His hand instead raking down your chest, leaving painful red marks as each nail digs along the skin. Continuing lower, tearing the buttons on your dress. Yanking down your bra also, exposing your breasts. His other hand hikes the fabric up around your thighs, stopping on your waist, lowering your hips into him.
Pinching your nipple, he draws you closer until his lips are just off yours. Gasping through the initial pain, you can only whine and bite your lip to further keep quiet.
"Go on Princess. Prove to me why I should have missed you."
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Assassin! Yoongi
Over the past couple of weeks, Yoongi would be gone for days at a time. Coming back in a strangely talkative and happy mood. You were as miserable and depressed as always, but his vigour was somehow revitalizing and comforting. It made him easier to deal with. It made him less moody. And it made your life easier. So to begin with you were very happy that he was happy.
That was until he mentioned a name in passing. A woman's name. Someone he was working with on a project.
As soon as you heard him talking positively about her, a pang of anxiety spiked through your stomach. From then on it rested in your gut, making you irritated, uncomfortable, and flustered every time you heard about or thought about her.
It was the strangest thing. You hated Yoongi, you're sure of it. But he was all you had. And hearing him talk about another woman, even though it sounded platonic, the adoration in his voice was hurting you in a way you never expected.
Slowly you had to work through this feeling on your own. You couldn't bear to let Yoongi know, not certain what he would do with the information that you were, in lack of a better word, jealous.
The more you heard about this woman, you knew you could never be as impressive as her. Every detail sounding equally terrifying and awe-inspiring. To be honest the specifics slipped your mind, as you were mostly wrapped up in self-pity when Yoongi spoke about her.
All you know is that you felt inferior, and you were craving, longing to feel that kind of importance to Yoongi, also. Resenting the fact that this other person was so easily able to bring joy and energy out of him.
Over the next couple of weeks, you spent every waking moment thinking about how to make Yoongi happy. Not just avoiding annoying him, like you usually did, but instead thinking about how to bring him genuine enjoyment.
One time you spent hours making him a meal. Making something you knew he would love. But, unfortunately, he only complained about the mess. He said he wasn't hungry and left you to throw the food away and clean up.
Another time, you had planned a full evening of activities. Movies, snacks, games that would help you get to know each other better, anything fun you could organize with your limited resources. Only, he wasn't in the mood to play, or talk. He only wanted one thing, and when he was done, he left you alone in your room, feeling used and a bit sore.
However, that gave you an idea. Maybe you could connect with him physically first. Then that might give you a way for something, anything more to develop.
This time, you set the house up with candles, music, wine, chocolate strawberries, everything you'd seen in movies. Waiting for him on the couch in something a little provocative. But, as soon as he comes in from the garage he looks more annoyed than impressed. Rolling his eyes, ordering you to your room.
By this stage it's late, you're tired, and you're losing your mind trying to make him happy. You were fighting so hard for his attention, and he was barely tolerating you. You aren't thinking clearly as you snap at him.
"Why?!" You yell, stomping your foot down. "I'm working so hard and you're just being an asshole!"
The words come out and you instantly regret them. His straight expression hardening.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." You rush to him, wrapping your arms around his chest trying to soothe any reaction. "Just tell me what I can do." You plead. Exasperated by so many failed attempts.
"That depends. What do you want?" He honestly questions, looking down at you.
You weren't exactly prepared to answer this question. You're not sure you really know.
"I'm your's right?" you say with big eyes, your voice coming out so softly, feeling embarrassed even though you're mimicking his words. "I get that I have to be yours. But then you have to be mine too." Your voice trembles.
Finally, it makes sense to Yoongi. Your change in demeanour, and in behaviour. Why you've been so needy. Why you've been trying to get his attention. He understands now. And that was most of what was annoying him. Not knowing why you were acting differently.
He steps out of your grasp, calling for you to follow him upstairs. You're not so nervous as you do. Surprisingly, the revelation has given Yoongi has a warm smile.
Falling back onto his bed, he taps the space beside him, inviting you to join him. You climb into the middle of the bed, resting in the place he set for you, his arm laid out under your head. He curls into you, gently wrapping his arm over your waist. Hugging you.
For the first time ever, he is showing you some kind of affection. For the first time, he's actually making a gesture of warmth and comfort. You couldn't even let yourself think that Yoongi could be capable of this. Having spent so many months isolated and alone. Even when you weren't locked up.
Hating yourself for not being stronger, you break into silent tears. Biting your thumb to stifle any sobs.
While reason is battling in your head, telling you that it's a bad idea to form any kind of emotional attachment to him, you don't want to listen to logic right now. Letting yourself cling to Yoongi and the desperately needed human connection.
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Vampire! Hoseok
There was a delicate balance to your relationship with Hoseok. You couldn't exactly rely on his moods to be stable, but you could rely on his obsession with you. It was the only thing that kept you feeling secure. Feeling certain that when he bit you next he wouldn't let you bleed out. Or that when he hit you or cut you or hurt you, that he wasn't going to leave you to suffer in agony but would heal you. Because he wanted to keep you. You were his.
It was a twisted kind of reassurance. But it's what you had, so it's what you worked with.
You knew the source of his obsession. It was you as a person, sure. But you weren't kidding yourself. Mostly, his infatuation was with your blood. Hoseok wasn't specific about it, but you had overheard some of the other Vampires discussing you. Apparently, you smell delicious, and that's why he never lets you wander the house with any cuts. That's why you were locked away every 28 days. And that's why you were his only.
It didn't make sense to you, there was nothing different about you.
But somehow you'd fallen in and become the star of your very own YA horror story.
Whatever the cause though, you were aware that Hoseok's addiction to your blood was the reason that he kept you. Without that, he might simply kill you, or worse, he might throw you to one of the other bloodsuckers who look at you like a happy meal they want to fuck.
Which is probably why you were so defensive when you saw him biting another girl.
Sitting on the back terrace looking over the gated property, Hoseok and a few of his creations were sitting in the moonlight enjoying a drink. You'd come downstairs expecting to be his refill when you see him sinking his fangs into the arm of one of the human pets.
Frustration floods through your body, a new kind of anger making your hands shake. A malicious and honestly, not-all-together thought out idea springs into your head. You've never seen him drink from anyone else before, and you need to remind him that he should only want you.
Taking a serrated peeler from the bar at the side of the terrace, you hold it concealed in your palm, going up to the first Vampire leaning there.
"Are you thirsty?" you ask, speaking lowly. He, like all the others, know you're Hoseok's, and so he rightfully looks uncomfortable being near you. Stepping into his personal space, you raise your arm under his chin and run the sharp blade across the top of your forearm. His eyes immediately going black, his fangs bared. Unable to resist what you're offering.
Behind you, every single one of them turns their heads, smelling you the second blood gathers on your skin.
In a flash, Hoseok is between the two of you. Ripping his teeth into the guy's neck, tearing his throat out. Killing him in an instant.
Breathing heavily, he turns to you with blood washed down his front. His eyes murderous and cold.
Retaliating, you storm towards the human-pet and shove her with all of your might, pushing her down the stone tile steps onto the grass. Watching her tumble into a heap.
Those around you have gone dead quiet, none of them even daring to look directly at either of you.
"How dare you?" He seethes, stalking towards you. But you're not backing down. You know better than to retreat from him when he charges.
"How dare I?" you scream. "How dare you drink from that skank!" An enraged Hoseok is something all of his offspring know to fear. Steadily you can see them clearing the space around the two of you. Withdrawing from whatever this is leading to.
"You want to tell me who I can eat?!" He growls, his hand shooting around your neck, holding you but not choking you. "You're a blood bag that I keep as a toy!"
"If that's all, then I'll let all of them feed on me too."
His hand constricts, restricting your air. "I'll kill anyone that tries."
"Then," you gasp, your words coming out short. "only me." you pull your hair off your shoulder, turning your neck as far to the side as you can. Throwing his head back, he takes the invitation, sinking his fangs into your jugular, swallowing down mouthfuls of your blood.
Holding onto his shoulders, you jump up wrapping your legs around his waist, pushing yourself closer to his mouth. Hoseok's arms wrapping around your ass, keeping you up.
Pushed back by your momentum, he stumbles a few steps, dropping down onto the open sofa chair. You landing on his lap, straddling his thighs.
As more of your blood is drained, and you get lightheaded, the pain starts to slip and your body starts to float. A euphoric sensation, akin to being high consuming you.
You tangle your hands up into his hair tugging it, massaging his scalp. You've become so accustomed to him fucking you when he feeds from you, that whenever he bites you, you get turned on. Your body reacting out of instinct. Slowly grinding down, rocking your hips into him as you start to get him hard. The friction feeling good making you moan. Making you move faster with pleasure tingling through your core also.
"Hobi," you moan. Shivering, as his tongue runs up your wounds.
Your gentle whine catches his attention. A surprised expression on his face that shifts into a smile as he leans back to watch you. His focus on you making you feel slightly embarrassed, slowing your motions until they stop altogether.
Biting his tongue, your eyes meet for a moment before he kisses his blood into your mouth, the copper taste feeling soothing and familiar. Your body relaxing completely knowing you'll wake up healed.
"Mine." He whispers into your lips.
The blood loss pulls you into unconsciousness, your head dropping onto his shoulder. The euphoric feeling swallowing you up as you purr back. "Mine."
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lonelyvomit · 2 years
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I’m gonna be vulnerable on main for a bit cus there’s so many of you who have absolutely no idea how much you guys help me keep my shit together on literally daily basis.
the thing is, every now and then I get absolutely convinced that my friends think I’m annoying and are growing tired of me and they all secretly wish I’d just leave them alone. it’s an old pattern and has ruined more than a handful of friendships. and I know it’s not really fair, but the truth is that the only effective way I have to combat that belief is to make a note of all the people who message me first, or continue reaching out even when I’m down and tired and ghosting everyone, cus it means they want to talk to me and don’t just feel obligated to reply. I know I'm an extremely difficult person to be friends with both cus my anxious introverted hermit ass has a very limited social battery by default and depending on my flimsy mental health it drops to 0 at times, and because I keep thinking no one actually really wants me around anyway and I keep accidentally growing distant cus I don’t wanna annoy anyone. but having people who continue to voluntarily reach out to me, and at times singlehandedly carry the entire friendship even when I’m not able to put in the equal effort is like. I don’t think people would do that if they didn’t at least kinda like me?
and like tbh the past couple weeks have been kinda extra oof and I’ve been feeling like this pretty much every day, but every single message and ask and comment and every person who is choosing to talk to me has been helping me challenge that feeling. that ghost is a loud one and I’ve had it for 20 years, I only started questioning it for the first time few years ago, so being able to go “you know, I don’t think all of these people hate me. in fact I think some of them might even genuinely like me” is still new and feels kinda trippy as fuck after growing up thinking that if someone tolerates me for 3 years and we just slowly drift apart without them starting to hate me, it was a successful friendship and the best I could expect.
idk I guess what I’m saying is I grew up rather. unliked. and then I kept kinda self-sabotaging for years which is why I’m still genuinely not used to too many people being nice to me or wanting me around like I’ve been able to handle the few people at a time I’ve had before but lately there’s been a lot of you and it’s honestly kinda overwhelming at times but at the same time obviously like the coolest possible problem to have so. idk. thanks. sorry I’m a mess.
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mostly-mundane-atla · 4 years
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How do you feel about the sexism in the Water Tribes? From my genuinely limited research, women were well regarded and “women’s work” was valued highly. Sorry if this sounds like I’m asking you to summarize social classes in your culture but I am curious about how you feel about this narrative choice ?
This is actually a really good question and something I've wanted to talk about for a while.
First off, when people talk about sexism existing in the Water Tribes as a whole, I don't know exactly where they're coming from. Neither Bato (just fine with Katara participating in a young men's coming of age ritual) or Hakoda (who is very proud of and knows he can rely on his daughter's martial skills) share any sexist views, and Katara's specific irritation at Sokka over his blatant sexism suggests it's more the exception than the rule. Yes, it was just the men that left, but there are a few things to consider there. First that most of the waterbenders taken away (at least in Hama's memory) were women, so there was likely some trauma around that. Also that breastfeeding tends to go on longer than most people are used to in Inuit/Inupiaq cultures (kids traditionally got potty trained waaaay before they stop nursing). When food options are limited and not available at industrialized speeds, there's not a whole lot of other ways to be sure small children are getting all the nutrients they need. So in that sense, it's a matter of practicality that mothers would stay behind. Babies make it hard to move the way armies need to move. I think there was also some expanded universe stuff explaining that the Southern and Northern Water Tribes did not agree on what a "woman's place" actually was.
But yes, your research would be right in that "women's work" was highly respected and valued by the Inuit and Inupiat. Not only that, but men were expected to know how to cook and sew as well (sometimes whaling crews were just men and would be out at see for a long time, you can't just delegate mending or meal prep to women who aren't there). Women were also known to fish and set traps, so it's not like men were the sole providers. Women's and men's work was less a strict divide between domestic/providing and more what could be done with a baby on your back/what could be done without a baby. It's not like they could just set the baby aside and pick it back up again, either. The safest and most convenient place for a baby was underneath its mother's clothes. Not only did this keep them warm and out of the wind, but by shifting the kid around (there's a belt holding them to the mom's body) they can nurse no problem. This is why you'll see babies' faces in womens hoods in old photos and sometimes even today.
Women's work, specifically sewing, also gave women experience in another important cultural aspect: tattooing. The traditional way was with a needle (originally made of bone, but later you'd also find steel ones) and bit of sinew sewing ink into the skin. These tattoos were important for a few reasons.
A girl's coming of age tattoos on her chin would indicate that she was old enough to consider marriage, with the ordeal of sitting through the tattooing being proof of her pain tolerence and thus ability to handle childbirth. Some other tattoos were entirely for beauty's sake, but nonetheless important to the cultural identity. Some were to protect the spirit from illness or possession or people who would do them harm. It was a very important skill women would work on their entire lives and served a very important spiritual purpose. Women had to be able to grow old to be able to serve this role.
And so to see sewing and cooking and healing being treated as a lesser position by Inuti/Inupiaq coded characters doesn't make any sense. Everyone needs clothes and food and help through ailments and if the people doing so happen to be caring for babies at the same time that's a lot of service they're doing to the community. In a climate that could kill you for standing around without any fur clothes, that's not something that would be shrugged off is just women's work. Not by people who survive only by everyone doing what they can to help and acknowledge everyone's contribution.
Also please understand that this explanation is only as cis as it is because heavy assimilation into a Eurocentric and Christianized world makes the sipiniq difficult to find reliable information on.
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theodora3022 · 3 years
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Selfish Deeds (Yandere! Gojou Satoru)
Summary: Satoru just wants you to be free of danger. If you are so knowledgeable why can’t you understand that he only wish the best for you?
A/N: This is just one snippet of many out of a collection(haven't decide the name just yet)...Since I have not read the manga(anime-only for now) so I just got a vague impression of what Gojou has been through, but that does not stop me from writing him like the cocky bastard he is. Hopefully it is not too OOC(as if yandere variant itself is not OOC enough pfttt) The reader is a stubborn psycho because that is what I am :) Will there be some future pieces that involves nsfw elements? I got a few ideas but no promises.
I blame @popi-the-fatui for my Gojou brainrots. You got your revenge on me by making me attracted to this dubious man. Word count: 1.6k
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Warnings: Female pronouns, Possessive behaviour, DELUSIONAL behaviour, non-consensual touching, power inbalance, general yandere content, slight mention of confinement and violence(This is not a healthy relationship dynamic!!!), reader is not a soft UWU girl, kthis is so self indulgent *buries myself into the bottomless pit of shame
It has been nearly fifteen minutes since the headquarter disconnected the call, yet you are still staring at your phone screen with disbelief.
You were supposed to travel to another city for a mission tomorrow, they had notified you of this mission a week ago.
You already got your luggage packed, and your theoretical research on the objective is thoroughly done. Then they dare to inform you: they have found a more suitable candidate! Right on the day before your departure too.
Your curse techniques have already limited you to more of a supporting role for most situations. There are not plenty of missions available for you to begin with. While you are content with educating the fresh blood of the community in classrooms the majority of the time, you still long for field actions every once in a while. It is an essential part of being a Jujutsu sorcerer after all.
Both you and the soft-spoken secretary who made the call know this is nonsense. The higher-ups recognize that you are one of, if not the best sorcerers available when it comes to reconnaissance and espionage.
Letting out a sigh of immeasurable frustration, you swore to yourself that you will find out who is the conductor of this humiliating turn of events. This is going to be difficult since you do not recall having any issues with any of the administration staff recently.
There is no reversing this misfortune, but at least you can be aware of who is responsible for such violation of conduct.
He is only doing this to protect you.
Gojou Satoru tells himself as such, at least.
He is aware of how unfair it is, to make someone less capable to take on the job. But he cannot risk your safety. The man has already got used to your company, and he is not willing to just let you disappear from his field of view for more than a week. Sure, you might have not admitted how much you like him yet, but it is just too endearing to see you flustered at his flirtatious words.
Although there have been some difficulties with rescheduling, he managed to use his connections to exclude you from that first-grade mission at last minute. On the bright side, the sorcerer cannot wait to lend you an ear to vent about how conservative and unfair the higher-ups can be. Maybe you will even say yes to a trip to the newest local bakery! You need some sweet treats to cheer yourself up, don’t you?
But Satoru has never thought about how you specialize in putting two and two together. (understandable since he never saw you in action before).
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Strange, you are not near the usual area in the library.
Sensing his footsteps, you opened your office door before Satoru had a chance to knock.
“We need to talk, Gojou-san.” That expression is new. This is the first time he sees you genuinely angry, which is to be expected.
But somehow he got a bad feeling about this.
You did not even invite him to sit down, instead just standing next to the floor window, arm crossed, with your back turned to him.
“Why would you do such a thing?” You have to use up all of your self-control to prevent yourself from having a full blow-up right at Gojou Satoru. Maintain composure. But it is easier said then done.
Does he think this is funny? To sabotage someone else's sorcerer career like this? You knew you should have kept him out of your daily life, as he is nothing but trouble to you. But you made the mistake of choosing to tolerate him, and some superficial part of you might even enjoy his dallying words a bit too much.
To the extent, you overlooked some red flags. This is a grievous error indeed.
Shit, now that he vaguely remembers what role you play on missions.“(y/n)-chan, what are you saying-” He knows you always act in supporting positions, however, he has overlooked your actual abilities and curse techniques. You collect intel and spy on enemies, how could he forget that? “Don’t play dumb with me. You got your ways, I got mine. There is no use denying what you have done. I thought you out of all people would understand what it means to be a sorcerer.”
This is a violation of protocol, changing mission assignments at the last minute. However, you know this man would not be receiving any solid punishment should you decide to report this. They would say there is “no harm done” and you would just receive a pitiful apology. Suppose you cannot blame them though.
They need Gojou Satoru, the Jujutsu community needs his prowess to keep innocent people safe. He will remain in the system no matter what.
Why are you questioning his motives? Does he have to spell it out for you? Letter by letter?
“You are not a skilled combatant, (y/n)-chan. What if you got yourself hurt?” Or even worse, killed. It scares him to think that you could be gone one day, how he would walk by this office corridor and never sees you sitting behind the desk ever again.
Not much in this world could send Gojou Satoru a chill down his spine, yet the thought of you dying is now on the list. He knows how petty this is, you wouldn’t be the one doing the actual exorcising after all. But the if, the slight possibilty.
He cannot allow that to happen, not ever. Even that means angering you and getting yelled at.
“What am I, some normal lawful citizen? I am a sorcerer just like you, Gojou-san. Putting ourselves on the line for innocents is part of the deal.” You let out a few short, sarcastic giggles, narrowing your eyes at him with fury. “It’s funny that you, out of all people, fail to understand that. If I am needed I will do what I must. If this is some sort of sick joke, stop it already, not funny. ”
Blunt, unrelenting stubbornness. Not like that’s news for him, Satoru has lots of experience with that since the day your path crossed. Although he finds this quality to be adorable most of the time, it can pose major problems like the present.
Oh, he is not angry at you. Satoru is more outraged at himself, don’t you worry. On the contrary, he is rather intrigued by your sarcastic remarks! However…
Instead of walking towards where you stood near the window, the man decides to take a turn towards the door.
That flashing panic within your eyes did not escape his sight.
The illusion figure you were projecting near the window dissipated instantly once he got your left wrist in his hand. Concealing yourself and projecting illusions, a rare techique indeed.
“Clever tactic. Making yourself invisible, projecting a faux illusion to distract me, leaving the door open and staying close to the exit. Your curse techniques are impressive. I almost got fooled, job well-done (y/n)-chan.”
The grip on your wrist suddenly tightens, you have to bite your lip to hold back a hiss of pain. How can he still flash that casual, playful smile when committing such atrocity? Those damned cerulean blue eyes too, you are ashamed of how you tremble and (internally) swoon at it at the same time.
Efforts to get away would most likely be futile, but you have to try. “See, you underestimated your opponent. I do see why you are good with lurking in the shadows now. Do you have any idea what I am capable of though?” Such delicate hands, it would be a shame if they were to bruise.
It’s unnerving how easy it looks for him to maintain a solid grip on your wrist while you pull back with all of your might. You know Gojou Satoru is strong and all, but this simple demonstration of strength is devastatingly effective. “Let go of me, you bastard!”
To your surprise, he softens his grip and you finally distanced yourself from him, panting and guarded. “Who are you to decide what I should and what I should not do? I made it crystal clear on the first day that I do not like you for the slightest.”
You know the walls are thin and coworkers might heard you, but you will have to worry about it later. It is, sadly, a matter of fact that you are somehow attracted to him, but that does not give him the right to use it against you. You must not give in to the temptation.
“You are pretty slow on the uptake for someone so smart. I was thinking of doing this naturally, we can go on normal dates to coffee shops, amusement parks, or even the museum if that is what you wish for. But now I see you do not know how much you mean to me.” Do you think Gojou-san is only flirting with you for the fun of it? It might have been the case in the beginning, but that is not the case since...recently.
He did not stop you again when you turned away, giving him one last menacing look and disappeared from his sight, even if he could see the faint trace of your curse energy. You will return to him and apologize after you calm down, he is confident about that. You value your job way too much to quit.
Then he could finally pull you into his arms, saying he does not mind and forgive your childish tantrums. Satoru does not plan to lock you up in a cage or anything(yet)! The students adore you and they need your guidance. Your clan is insignificant compared to his, your influence? Does he even need to consider that?
Gojou Satoru would always achieve his goals by whatever means possible. You are no exception to this.
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the-darklings · 4 years
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—𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒕𝒉 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒔𝒆𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒇𝒓𝒆𝒆;
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—PART XVIII. | THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE
pairing: john wick x f!reader x santino d’antonio
word count: 36.2k+ (honk, honk, honk x 2)
summary: “You’re just a little tragedy, aren’t you?”
warnings: swearing, strong violence, blood, likely some emotional damage to readers inbound
notes: I waited for this chapter for a very, very long time and been laying the foundation for 250k. Lets begin. 
children of ares series: 01 | …. | 16 | 17 | . . | 19 |
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Sometimes he genuinely wonders how many poor decisions led him here.
To this exact moment in time. To this exact set of circumstances.
“I wish to see him.”
Winston tilts his head at the cool demand, not letting any outwards reaction slip.
The Adjudicator stares him down like the request should have been fulfilled yesterday. He’s not, admittedly, used to people making such demands. Especially not so brazenly. And inside his own hotel no less.
He gazes at them for a beat before nodding his head stagily.
“Forgive me and my old age,” he begins calmly. “But who exactly do you wish to see? The chef perhaps?”
He knows perfectly well who the Adjudicator wants to see. Judging by the slight, annoyed pinch of their mouth so do they. Charon stands a step behind the High Table’s associate and his expression is as professionally cool as always. In truth, however, they are both wary at best.
“You know of whom I speak,” the Adjudicator snips, their voice that calm, almost robotic cold. “Santino D’Antonio was shot at this hotel, was he not? Mr Wick fired the shot but the bullet failed to kill him. To our knowledge, he is still in your care. Or is that incorrect?”
Keep him safe.
Such a simple request. A request to keep a man he barely tolerates on a good day shielded from other sharks. For once, Winston wishes you cared about yourself as much as you do about others.  
You, Santino, John—you’re all I have. I can’t lose anyone else. I can’t.
Sometimes—often—the memory of those words worries him. Truly. Wild, relentless drive and desperation rarely mix well together. The former you have plenty of and the latter has been mounting too rapidly for his liking.
Silencing his thoughts, Winston tilts his head in an accommodating manner. Conjuring an innocent expression, he nods his head for what feels like the hundredth time in the last hour alone.
“Ah, yes, Mr D’Antonio. Tragic, truly, but the Vipress saved his life,” he explains smoothly, watching the individual before him with the same shrewdness the Adjudicator is watching him. “Rather heroically, too. Quite surprising that the Table did not see her actions as such.”
The Adjudicator’s eyes narrow. From their spot on the office chair, the Table’s representative regards him with disinterested, yet vexed expression. Clearly, his approach of talking circles and giving half-answers about your and Johnathan’s whereabouts has not left a good impression.
That’s exactly the point though.
“The woman known to us as the Vipress had plenty of chances to stop Mr Wick,” the Adjudicator answers; an expected explanation, a pitiless one, too. “She failed. Even though she is one of the few individuals realistically capable of such a feat. Therefore, under our assessment, there is nothing here to celebrate.”
Winston turns, lowering his whiskey glass back onto the table. He leans back towards it, completely relaxed, his palms resting against the edges of the smooth wood.
“Loyalty,” he muses lightly, letting the word hang in the air for a bit. “Such rarity nowadays, would you not agree? It is rather difficult to stay neutral when you have an emotional investment in both parties caught in the conflict.”
The Adjudicator stands at that, their willowy frame stretching to their full height. Little sympathy can be found in their stony expression. “Only loyalty to the High Table should matter. The Vipress has shown to have very little of it. Now, Mr D’Antonio?”
He didn’t expect this to be easy. But he doesn’t let so much as a whisper of his exasperation show. Winston considers, calculating what harm could be done versus the gap of time it might buy him, hesitating for only a beat before dipping his head in agreement.
“Of course, follow me,” he says pleasantly, gesturing with his arm. “He came out of surgery several days ago.”
Over the Adjudicator’s shoulder, a faint glint of surprise shows on Charon’s face before the man blinks it away swiftly. The concierge knows better than to question outright. Old and tested loyalty lives between them. The manager always does things for a reason, and the concierge follows graciously every time because he knows as much.
The Adjudicator stalks after him silently, Charon a few steps behind them. The elevator ride down is silent and tense. No need for empty exchanges between them and neither party bothers pretending otherwise.
Only a day left on the clock. Then he’s expected to step back and leave his hotel—his legacy—behind to some stranger the Table deems worthy. The thought alone almost makes him scoff again.
The High Table can take the Continental from his cold, dead hands.
And he imagines there are at least one or two individuals who may have something to say about that.
You have contributed to the chaos, little hatchling, but what now? You can’t win this game by sacrificing your Queen.
The elevator halts with a rumble. Worn metal creaks. Winston reaches out, pulling back the metal partition. The white hallways of the medical wing are silent and undisturbed by the bustle of the front foyer. Heaviness hangs in the air as he strolls down the long stretch of white, his shoes clicking against the spotless flooring. Charon and the Adjudicator are only several steps behind him but he’s in no hurry.
They round the corner and three heads turn in their direction.
The fourth doesn’t move.
Here we go.
Camorra’s Elite Four sit like guard dogs of the most vicious variety at the end of the lengthy hallway. Behind them stands a door. Behind that door, Winston knows, Santino D’Antonio now lays, clinging to his life and healing. Hopefully. He couldn’t care less about the Italian living or dying, but for your sake, he needs the arrogant man to pull through.  
The closer they come, the tenser the air becomes.
The tallest and broadest of the guards is leaning against the wall but pushes away from it upon their approach, uncrossing his arms as he stops in their path. The first line of defence.  
Another—the sharpshooter, if Winston recalls correctly—rises a second behind that, lowering a gleaming pistol he was fiddling with. Eyes narrowed, distrustful.
The youngest—the smiling nightmare, as you’ve called him once—doesn’t shift from his spot on the floor, a laptop in his lap. A pop of chewing gum fills the silence when he glances up lazily at the commotion over his round sunglasses.
And finally closest to the door—nearest to the Camorra boss, always the most vicious and final deterrent—stands the Devil of Camorra. He doesn’t look at them. He almost appears thoughtful, playing with a lighter in his hand as he leans against the wall.
Click, click, click.
“Can we help you?” the tallest asks politely, his Italian accent faint but still noticeable.
The sharpshooter stands by his side, frowning faintly.
A polite, unspoken warning hangs in the air. The woman—D’Antonio’s bodyguard that you’ve called a good friend on many occasions—appears to be missing. Though Winston doubts she’s far behind. He’s seen her by the Italian side for almost as many years as he’s seen you.
The Adjudicator speaks before he can. “I wish to see the Camorra family head, and the new member of the High Table, Santino D’Antonio.”
“Respectfully, who are you supposed to be?” the sharpshooter demands, his dark eyes narrowing marginally.
Loyal. To a degree at least. Winston had been hopeful they would be. He’s not surprised to see them standing guard, either. He’s betting on them continuing doing so.
“An Adjudicator,” the youngest quips from his spot on the floor, his fingers clicking across the keyboard. Another pop of gum follows. “Sent to adjudicate this hotel, I bet. Bang, bang—not a good look for the sturdy, old table. Seccante.”
The Adjudicator’s head slants; a calculating motion. “The Chameleon of Camorra,” they state flatly, unimpressed. “Former association with an organisation known as Slifer before Giovanni D’Antonio recruited you to Camorra’s ranks, correct?”
The young man in question drops his head back with a gleaming smile. The tattoos across his neck ripple with the gesture, and a gleam of white appears even brighter in the artificial light.  
“Oh yeah,” he drawls, amused. “Papi Giovanni welcomed me with open arms.”
There is clearly more to this tale. The implication is blatant even if the words are presented as a joke but Winston can still read it.
“You can’t see him.”
All eyes slide towards the Camorra Devil. His voice is gravelly, uncompromising, and he still doesn’t bother looking at them. Part arrogance, Winston imagines, and part genuine disinterest with them and the situation.  
“I have the right—”
“We have orders not to let anyone see Santino until he’s fit enough to take back command.”
At long last, the Devil turns towards them. The look in his icy eyes is a clear, if barely polite, warning. The man called Hector always had a reputation for being Giovanni’s most violent lapdog. Serving Camorra for years without a single falter. That level of loyalty is admittedly rare, especially when Winston knows others have tried to recruit the Devil in the past.
Hector, unlike you, has never been bound by a debt that kept him chained to Camorra. He stays because he wants to. If there are any other reasons for that loyalty, they’re unknown to the manager.
Though Winston has never interacted with the leader of the Elite’s, he’s heard plenty about him, and can understand why his name is spoken with trepidation. Despite it being subtle, the air around the man is still hostile. Brimming with a promise of violence.
“Whose orders?” the Adjudicator interrogates. “The council of Camorra—”
Whatever card they were hoping to play gets crushed in seconds.
“Our current acting boss. The Vipress,” the Devil announces, sounding annoyed, and pockets his lighter before pushing away from the wall. Another pop of gum ripples from the youngest Elite. Hector prowls closer, deliberately slow, and walks past the other two members of the guard. The Devil halts in front of the Adjudicator, appearing utterly bored. “You might be familiar with her. Stubborn, demanding, likes knives a little too much, starts shit wherever she goes. Santino named her his heir. No one is allowed to see him on her orders.”
Winston has to bite back a small smile. Perfect.
The Adjudicator stands completely still, their stare hard while they process the new information.
The manager hangs back, not saying a word, watching the silent face-off with vague amusement. He has to admit that at least the Devil doesn’t lack nerve. The other three don’t appear nearly as intimidated as they should be, either.
Adjudicators are feared for a reason. They have a vast reserve of power bestowed upon them by the highest tiers of the Table. Adjudicators stand even above Continental managers. Something Winston has been rather unpleasantly reminded of with Johnathan’s latest actions.
“The will of the Table stands above the individual order of someone who has been made Excommunicado.”
Mild but icy. Clearly, the not-so-subtle defiance from the Devil of Camorra hasn’t gone down well, either. Behind the tall man, the other two shift in their spots, tense. An exaggerated sigh sounds from behind them, and the chameleon rises to his feet as well. Cracking his neck, he strolls towards his associates, leaning his shoulder against the sharpshooter. The other man doesn’t so much as blink, clearly used to such antics.
“We answer to the will of the Camorra boss only,” Hector informs coolly, his tone just barely passing for polite. “We have since the beginning of Camorra family inception.”
We don’t answer to you, goes unsaid but the double meaning is clear. Winston straightens, a touch surprised. He wasn’t aware that such a divide existed between the highest tier of Camorra members and a top level High Table representative. He wonders if it’s more so the threat to their boss—the last D’Antonio left to carry the bloodline that founded Camorra centuries ago—or simple dislike that is driving such blatant disobedience.
The manager sincerely doubts that this refusal to comply is born out of genuine loyalty towards you or respect for your command. Especially from the Devil who holds no loyalties other than one towards Camorra.
The Adjudicator’s head dips, their short black hair appearing even darker in the bright light.
“There are rules. You are not above them,” they speak briskly, softly. “No one is above them. You are all bound to the will of the Table and exist under it.”
Another obnoxiously loud pop of the gum and the youngest of the Elite’s grins. “Actually we’re part of the Table,” he notes nonchalantly, but there is something icy about the slight edge to his grin. Distantly, Winston recalls you telling him that from all the Elites, it’s the chameleon you won’t want as your enemy the most. “Take one leg out and the whole table wobbles.”
The silence that follows those words is stifling. No one speaks or moves.
“No rules have been broken,” Hector eventually bites out, blunt but controlled. “We’re just guarding our boss. Shouldn’t you be commending our loyalty, huh?”
An unexpected bait but not one the Adjudicator rises to. Their expression remains steely, their eyes dragging over the Camorra Four before they finally turn away.
“Very well,” they intone flatly, their eyes narrowing marginally, and their tone dismissive. “Next time I will return with a direct order to stand down.”
“You do that,” the Devil shoots back without missing a beat.
The Adjudicator pauses, their eyes flickering back towards the man, digging into him for a moment before their attention drops away. Winston remains composed when the Adjudicator’s stare moves to him next, cold as ice, an unspoken burn of anger present in their eyes. Clearly, they’re not very used to not being heeded.
“I will be in my room.”
The Adjudicator doesn’t stick around to see if anyone has anything to say about that. They turn to go without sparing anyone another word, their steps brisk and sharp, betraying the displeasure absent from their frosty expression.
It’s quiet while they all stand, listening to the sound of retreating footsteps and, eventually, the whirl of the elevator going up.
It’s only then that the Elites relax, their guarded demeanours easing a bit.
“So mean spirited,” the chameleon mutters under his breath, unimpressed, and turns to go back to his laptop. “Exhausting.”
“Gentlemen.”
Winston nods his head at the Devil specifically, but Hector only grunts under his breath with a roll of his eyes. Briefly, he glances at Charon, his eyes narrowing before he turns away and stalks back to his previous spot.
Conversation over.
Fine by him.
The other two—the sharpshooter and the strength—return his nod, polite but stiff.
Winston tips his head in their direction one last time, and turns on his heels to go. No one stops him, and Charon trails after the manager a few seconds later.
It’s only when they both step into the elevator, the door closing softly behind them, that Charon finally speaks, “Nicely done, sir.”
Winston sighs, his shoulders dropping.
“It’s only a temporary deterrent, I’m afraid,” he admits and knows he’s right. If the Adjudicator does get that order the Four will not be enough. “The hatchling?”
The concierge straightens, his hands folded behind his back.
“The last sighting was reported as the Moroccan Continental, sir.”
There is a tickle of relief followed by a sting of concern. “Good. Then she as good as made it.”
He’s still not quite sure how he feels about the idea, however.
“If I may, sir,” Charon begins as if sensing the manager’s unease. “You do not look pleased about that.”
There is no point in trying to deny it, so Winston doesn’t.
“Not at all,” he agrees smoothly, feeling the elevator halt and the concierge moves ahead, opening the partition for them. “If it had been up to me, she never would have had to go back there. But she’s been reckless and manoeuvred herself into a corner with only one ace left to play. Herself.”
Seven years in this world. Seven long years of fighting for freedom and now there is a reputation that has been built upon that desperation. A reputation that has attracted all sorts of attention over the years.
Charon both looks and sounds troubled while they walk through the lobby. “Is there a reason for concern, sir?”
All these moving pieces forming an ever-shifting pattern. Something has been brewing for a while now. Winston can’t help but feel like he’s missing and not seeing something crucial. Like all those pieces are put together at a slightly wrong angle, disorientating the whole picture.
What will you do now, little hatchling?
The Elder. That history between you, that story you shared—they all weigh heavily on the manager’s mind. Always have.
He comes to a gradual stop.
“Oh, yes,” he mutters, pensive, shaking his head as he glances at the concierge beside him with open unease. “Most certainly.”
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Every breath takes notable effort.
Your instincts pinprick, trying to acclimate to the too-familiar surroundings—count and anticipate any potential threats. Everything about being back here feels so familiar it is its own kind of torture.
Your skin itches. One side of your face and hands—everywhere the scorching sun has managed to touch you the most—stretches uncomfortably with every twitch of your muscles. It’s a discomfort that comes with sunburns often earned in an unforgiving terrain like the desert, and you try to lick your dry lips, lifting your head. Your vision swims immediately, an explosion of vivid spots blinding you, and you careen dangerously to one side, hissing under your breath.
Eyes track every jerk of your body, and you know full well you’re not alone in this tent.
You’re almost afraid to look at him. Then feel idiotic for feeling that way. Maybe it’s because you had hoped that this chapter of your life was shut and laid to rest long ago, and it’s a hard pill to swallow, knowing that he was right after all.
“Drink.”
It’s then that you notice a cup sitting on a small, wooden table to the side. Part of you wants to cackle till you choke when you realise it’s the same green cup you drank from during your first test with him years ago.
Gathering yourself, you reach for the cup despite your dread, your digits folding around it carefully.
The drink inside smells minty and fresh but you don’t find anything amiss with it on the first inspection. A vague recollection of a similar scent tickling your senses when you were coming in and out of consciousness comes crawling back. With that in mind, you finally tip the cup down, taking a purposeful sip.
It empties in three slow gulps and you lower it back onto the table, still silent. It does make you feel better instantly, lifting the dense fog that was previously crushing your mind. A sense of déjà vu nips at your senses but you push it back. Not much point in delaying this. Though it doesn’t surprise you that he gave you time to gather yourself.  
Kindness with this man, you have long since learned, comes in the smallest of gestures. Tiniest of moments.
Drawing your knees closer, you sit up slowly, your head lowered.
“Why have you come?”
His words send a shiver down your spine that has little to do with heat. You’ve forgotten how much quiet power always rings through his baritone. His smooth, accented words wash over you like a tidal wave; gentle as they are dangerous. Misleading with their softness.
Swallowing, you force your limbs to obey you—to shift the worn muscles into an appropriate position. One knee digs into the carpet beneath you, your hands lacing over your bent thigh when you reposition yourself into a kneeling position. Your head is still lowered and you realise, then, that it isn’t fear of punishment that’s forcing you to stare at the ground.  
It’s him.
He once managed to get under your guard with startling ease and you scrubbed him away. Walked away from him and everything he offered. Tried to forget him despite the cracks. Your choice had made you feel powerful back then. In control. Despite there being a part of you that had longed to stay, you never quite regretted your decision to leave.
Worst, perhaps, is the knowledge that it wasn’t one-sided. You weren’t foolishly pining after the most powerful man in the world. You weren’t naively seeing something that didn’t exist. If anything, his interest in you had been more obvious from the start.
“I—” you mumble, near choking on your suddenly heavy tongue and mangled thoughts. “I came to seek repentance for my actions.”
Silence follows your muffled words and you stare at the ruby ring on your hand intently.
Will he turn you away? Consider you naive and foolish for hoping there’s some semblance of hope?
And where is John? Did he only pick you up and not him? Your weapons—what few you still have—are still on you because you can feel them against your body with every inhale and exhale.
Your empty stomach rolls and you have to bite back the acid welling at the back of your throat the longer you wait. The thrumming of your own heart almost drowns out his voice when the answer does finally come.
“Stand, viper,” the Elder states calmly. “You do not grovel at my feet.”
And just like that your breaths calm. Your dread ebbs like sea waves receding. With his words, you remember that you met as equals and parted as such despite you unearthing his true identity.
He’s right. You don’t grovel at his feet. Or anyone’s.
You stand at once, balancing on your heels, and square your shoulders. The lock of your jaw is a firm one, your stare steady and the steel in your stance returns easily. In that, it feels like no time has passed at all.
Straightening, you look ahead and meet his inquisitive stare evenly.
This time the sight that greets you is befitting the man who rules the High Table. This is how you had expected him to be the first time you met. A golden chair that reminds you more of a throne, and extravagant robes that breathe wealth and showcase his status. Surrounded by his people in a subtle warning though you know he can more than hold his own.
He oozes that unnerving authority but his face is still familiar. Few years have passed since you’ve last seen him, yet he barely looks any different. If it weren’t for several new lines creasing his face, you would have thought that time has simply paused here while you’ve been gone.
The quiet intensity of his heated regard hasn’t changed, either. Nor has the unease or the thrill that comes with having his complete attention on you.
He watches you unblinkingly and you find yourself swallowing again, an immovable knot sitting in your throat.
“Here you are.”
It’s a soft, thoughtful statement and you’re not quite sure what to make of his words or his demeanour, so you settle on a simple, “Here I am.”
He stands at that, his robes rustling in the wake of his sudden movement. His steps are measured and leisurely as he approaches. The Elder’s stare takes every inch of you in and you don’t lower your eyes. He doesn’t look particularly pleased with what he finds and you can’t help but wonder why.  
It still kills a small part of you. That you had to come back but only because you need a favour from him. Not because you returned to join him or even visit him, if you even could.
A part of you…
“I thought that maybe…” you mutter when he halts before you—all heat, spice, and that razor-sharp gaze that seems to burn into you—his hands lacing in front of him as he watches you keenly. “That maybe you forgot about me.”
It’s been years after all. You’re just you. One person in a machine so much larger than yourself. If Elder considered Tarasov to be nothing more than a piece in a more elaborate game years ago—at the near height of his power—then you couldn’t have possibly been that important. Or even noteworthy. He might have thought highly of you once but that was then.
His expression, however, gives you an answer before he can verbally do so.
“How could I?” he questions curiously, softly. As if the concept of forgetting you is truly an inconceivable one for him.
You work your tongue, trying to think of something to say, something clever, but nothing comes.
You simply stare up at him mutely, taking him in, and he you, and it does indeed feel like no time has passed between you. Even though so much is different now.
“I almost came back. Once,” you confess in a breathless rush, blinking rapidly because it’s hard to keep a straight expression under that scrutiny. “I got desperate and angry and…”
And Tarasov won’t let you help Camorra with the Albanians. Had treated you like nothing more than a dog, reminding you of your place. Dependant on his goodwill of which he had none. So you had ran like a reckless idiot. Sick and tired of being dependent on his word. Hoping for his mercy or any crumb of kindness.
“I know,” he murmurs in reply, a secret for you alone. “I waited for you.”
Air escapes your lungs at that mild admittance. At the way his eyes drag over your features, savouring but still guarded—always guarded. Everywhere from your eyes, to the dip of your collarbone, and the bow of your lips. There are others scattered around the tent but it feels like you’re the only ones here.
The golden hue of his eyes glints with knowing light at your reaction, and you force your tongue to work, “I wish to explain myself.”
He nods his head once. Prompt as it is anticipatory. You imagine that to him this is all playing out exactly as he’d been expecting it to. You’re back but a part of you is mangled exactly like he predicted it would be. Vengeance has led you here. Tarasov may be dead but you have only dug yourself into a deeper hole.
“You came all this way,” he says knowingly, his head slanting and lips thinning into an enigmatic half-smile. “Speak freely, viper.”
Your eyes, in return, sweep warily over others inside the tent. Some familiar faces. Others are unknown to you. Only pointed stares and blank expressions greet your curiosity. Inscrutable, severe stares that judge your every move and word. Saad is nowhere to be seen. That surprises you but you don’t let it show.
The Elder notes your wariness, not bothering to look away from you when he commands a soft, “Leave us.”
As one, everyone inside the tent rises. They don’t question, nor do they linger. They file out in a neat line, their robes rustling in the breeze, and you stare after them, surprised. You didn’t expect him to dismiss everyone solely because you felt uneasy talking to him with others around. Although seeing the space clear out is, admittedly, a relief.
Now it’s you two alone and it changes the air between you again. This puts you back in time, even if you try to remain unaffected.
But it’s hard not to. A part of you still sees him as Rafik. A man you have spent endless hours talking to about everything and nothing—a man you considered close to you—despite knowing full well that Rafik isn’t even his real name. In fact, you have no idea what his name is. Or who he is. Not really. He’s still just layers upon layers of mystery. Power. Ancient and tangible.
The way he gazes at you makes you think that isn’t the case, however. There is warmth woven into his regard, an almost fondness that despite being muted is clear to you.
The darkness of that stare is arresting when he reaches out, the warmth of his fingertips ghosting over your bandaged ear. You don’t hold back your wince of pain, pulling away from the contact.
The Elder’s mouth slants downwards at that, his eyes narrowing marginally. He looks thoughtful, displeased almost. The shadow across his expression is new to you. You’ve seen him as many things but tense and unhappy is not one of them.
“What have they done to you?”
It’s a quiet question—a collection of sharp, hard syllables—dragging themselves from somewhere deeper, you can tell.
Your lips part, ready to tell him everything but you stop yourself at once. How would he even look at you if you knew what you did? There would be no chance of forgiveness then. If he knew how badly you broke the very rules he enforces upon everyone in their world repeatedly.
With that in mind, you instead settle on a weak, “Guess you were right.”
Do not let that fire consume you.
He was right. He was always going to be right, you were just too blind and proud to admit it.  
His expression strains, his touch dropping away, and a glint catches your eye when his hand lowers. You feel a thud against your ribcage, and focus on that golden skin, barely breathing to a point his next words hardly register.
“This is not something I wished to be right about,” he says unhappily.
You swallow. Then again.
“You’re wearing it.”
He pauses. It doesn’t take long for him to figure out what you mean by that. The pad of his index finger brushes over the ring he’s wearing absentmindedly. The golden plate seems to gleam at the touch despite neither of you standing in direct sunlight.
“It was a gift,” he says gently in return, his features guarded once more. “A parting gift from you.”
It doesn’t explain much yet it explains everything.
On your last day together, when you visited Casablanca together, you had gotten it for him after arguing Saad out of some local currency under the guise of buying something for yourself. A souvenir as far as he knew back then. But the ring had caught your eye first. Handmade ring crafted out of pale golden metal. It reminded you of the sun that is his presence and the endless stretches of sand surrounding you.
Grinning, and more than a little unsure, you had presented it to him when you sat on the beach together, calling it a thank you present because you hadn’t worked up the courage to talk to him about leaving just yet. He had accepted it readily, his fingers lingering against yours when he took it, and even back then you couldn’t quite describe the emotion you glimpsed across his face.
You hadn’t dared to assume it was wonder back then, but it had been a close thing.
You certainly didn’t expect him to keep it after you left.
Or to still be wearing it after all these years. But maybe you’re jumping to conclusions and he’s only wearing it today. Specifically for this.
The silence between you changes yet again, morphing. Something more charged. Near oppressive.
Nerves flutter inside your tired body and you allow a soft wisp of breath to escape you, thinking of something to break the tension with.  
“Where is John?” you question quietly, your voice thick.
His jaw ticks, and he looks away, staring out towards the horizon.
“Mr Wick is safe,” he answers coolly. “Do not fret for him. He will answer for his wrongdoings in due time.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
The Elder turns to face you again, and it unnerves you because he keeps slipping between the man you lived with for months, and the man who controls the High Table. One is close to you, familiar. The other feels removed, walled off. No longer a sun but a cold, distant star. Unreachable to you.
His expression softens a touch when he notices your startled expression.
“Mr Wick has returned only to unleash havoc,” he informs you calmly, matter of factly. He doesn’t sound or look angry or even displeased, yet something about the piercing gleam in his eyes makes you think that it will not be a confrontation without consequences. “His punishment will reflect that. He made the decisions that led him here,” he fades off, pausing, his stare flickering over your features once more. “As have you,” he adds.
“I’m sorry,” you force out, shaking your head, cringing slightly at the pain that flares through your skin at that. “They’re both important to me and—”
“I am not speaking about Santino D’Antonio getting shot, viper.”
Your head snaps up, your features slacking with confusion. “Then what...”
The Elder lifts his hand, his attention focusing on the ring on his finger instead. He seems to struggle with something internally before sighing softly and dragging his stare away from you once more. You wonder why. It’s almost as if it’s difficult for him to look at you.
“Do not tell me you were so quick to forget my warning to you,” he begins calmly, something aloof lingering in his voice. He walks past you, his fingertips tapping on his ring repeatedly. Your own fingers tighten into a fist when you note the shift in him, the Camorra ring pressing into your skin as a bleak reminder. Your eyes follow him as he goes, watching his broad back when he stops at the edge of the tent, looking out towards the vastness of the desert. “I told you what will happen if anything befalls Viggo Tarasov before your debt is repaid.”
Ice pierces you, burrowing under your skin viciously, and you’re glad that he can’t see your face because for a second your expression comes apart completely.
“I did not—”
“Do you really think I know you so little that lying to me would work?”
Your mouth snaps shut, a bitter tang stinging the inside of your mouth. He’s right. You feel as disappointed in yourself as he sounds. You’ve always prided yourself on being forward and direct. Yet your instinct now had been to lie, to deny, because the idea of him knowing terrifies you.
Because it puts you in so much worse of a position than what you first expected to be in.
How? Why would he even think—
The High Table would have—
“I know why you came here,” he says, at last, turning to face you again. His expression is grim and he watches you closely as he strolls closer. Despite his leisurely gait, his stare is searing. “You came in hopes that I would lift the Excommunicado. You came in hopes that you can clear your name. But your crimes run deeper than you are willing to admit to me.”
“I’ve disappointed you,” you assume blankly. “Is that it?”
He shakes his head once. “No, viper,” he responds placidly, his eyebrows knitting. “You have disappointed yourself. You are so much better than this. Yet your recklessness has led you to this. Did you really think that I would not find out?”
He comes to a stop before you again and you meet his stare.
There is no point in lying, so you don’t.
“If you knew,” you start, choked, forcing down your emotions as you search his face, and try to quieten the pounding of your heart. “Then why was I not declared Excommunicado sooner?”
A long beat of suffocating silence, and then, “Because I shielded you.”
He says it so simply. Like it’s as expected as the sun rising each morning. A faint knell of wind chimes fills the hush between you this time, and you peer at him in disbelief. Shock.
“What?” you exhale shakily.
The Elder shakes his head once, sighing. “I gave you a chance in hopes that you will take it and savour your new freedom,” he explains smoothly, his fingertips still dancing over the ring. His strong profile only accents his handsomeness and you see the conflict there—see the shadows dancing inside the inky pools that are his eyes. “I overlooked your wrongdoing. Because I understood your pain then as I do now. I cautioned the Table to look the other way. But what did you do with this gift, viper? You wasted it. And there is nothing to be done now. Even I cannot shield you from the storm that has been unleashed. The scale has been tipped towards chaos now. You broke the rules in the open, for the whole world to see,” he continues, each word making your heart beat harder inside your chest, his attention returning to you, “And now here you are.”
So that’s why.
Why there was such a long pause between Tarasov’s death and administration contacting you about you being free of your debt. The silence that made you so uneasy back then. The High Table had been suspicious, had assumed you played a part, but the Elder pulled their attention away from you.
Years later, he’s still looking out for you.
You’re too speechless to say much past gaping at him; a thousand thoughts fluttering through your mind, all of them wild and hurtful.
Your attention falls to the carpet beneath your feet, and stays there for some time while you digest what this means.
He knows. He’s known for weeks now.
Just like that the already shaky foundation beneath your feet slips further.
Helplessness closes in and your eyes sting.
Consequences. Everything has a price and it was foolish of you to assume that your luck will continue. You’ve been too quick to celebrate and now...
“What now?”
A whisper of material sounds in your ears and the heat of his palm comes to rest against one side of your face. You feel that warmth sink deep into your skin and it burns. Both a physical ache and something deeper. Your eyes open as he guides your face upwards for him to see.
You lean on the side of caution and say nothing, waiting for him to speak first.  
“Now, my viper,” he whispers, a touch forlorn. “You face the consequences of your actions.”
Forcing down your fear, you give him a firm, unyielding, “If you’re going to kill me, at least make it quick.”
His palm pulls back but not all the way. His knuckles trace over the curve of your cheek—so faint you barely register the sensation. “I would never kill you.”
“But?”
He seems to be considering something hard, his regard in a constant flux between warring emotions, “But you cannot be seen as walking away without punishment after what’s happened. It is the way of things,” he finally concludes.
You pull away from his touch, your eyes burning, “So be it,” you mutter, shaky and forcefully casual. “But I don’t regret stepping in. I don’t regret any of it. I would do it all again.”
Even if it meant the pain and the heartache. Sleepless nights and blood.
Because at least they’re all alive. Even if this is the sacrifice for that victory.
You saved them, and you would never regret that.
“Is this love?”
Your attention snaps back to him at the gentle murmur of his question. There is little distance between you—to a point you can feel the heat of his broad build and the phantom sensation of his exhales against your skin.
He didn’t specify who the love is for.
Deep down, you know it’s not so simple to untangle who means what to you anymore. It’s a mess of different emotions and loyalties. Everyone in your life that has made themselves a place in it, you love fiercely. Even if they’re all different kinds of love. All you know—all you need to know—is that you would gladly stand here for any of them. Punishment and consequences be damned.
“Yes.”
You’re not sure why you expect him to be irritated, perhaps even disappointed in your answer, but he only seems to consider your words for a while.
Fierce desert heat rolls across your skin while you wait for a response but he seems to be in no rush to provide you with one. His lips part, his head lowering and he makes a small sound at the back of his throat; half-disbelieving, and half-thoughtful.  
“How odd,” he muses faintly, his features drawing into something desolate. “I do not quite recall the last time I felt envy.”
Your eyes flutter shut, trying to push his words and the emotion in them away. He means that genuinely, and you know that. You’ve lived with him for months and have seen a great many sides to him. That loneliness—that drive to be something more, to be understood by someone else—is what drew you together in the first place. Bonded you as deeply as it did.
Despite the nip of sadness you feel for him, you don’t contradict him—don’t say anything at all, in fact.
“What is it that you want from me?”
The Elder appears lost in his head for a while before he finally responds, “You already know, viper,” he says in a knowing murmur. “Otherwise you would not look at me with such sadness in your eyes.”
“You want me to stay.”
“Yes,” he agrees with a slight nod, his previous melancholy receding, and his guard slipping back on. “It is the only way that your life can be spared. Your service to the High Table will be used to absolve you of your crimes.”
You can’t quite help the bitter, brief laugh that slips free from you. “And is love a crime? I’m being punished for caring. For wanting to keep my family safe.”
He doesn’t say anything but you can guess what he’s thinking.
You broke the rules. Killed Tarasov. Interfered when you could have killed John and proven your loyalty to the High Table. Rules apply to all—no exceptions.
You don’t want to think about what would be the outcome if he knew about Chicago as well. Then, you conclude numbly, even his favour won’t save you from death.
“For how long?”
The Elder doesn’t reply. You already know, his expression seems to say though, and your composure fractures. Sucking in a deep breath, you chew on your inner cheek, half-turning away from him.
Because of course you know.
“For life,” you choke out.
“Yes,” he agrees, his voice gentle. “You will become my fourth disciple, and my apprentice, working directly under me,” he explains carefully, watching you just as closely, and you fight to keep a straight expression. “I am sorry, (Name), I wish there had been another way. But we are each masters of our own fate. You gave this life a chance once before and you embraced it effortlessly.”
You know that. You know that compared to what could have happened, this is a mercy. He will treat you fairly, kindly, and you’ve almost made this place, his people, your new life once before. If anything, on the surface alone, this is more of a gift than a punishment, especially with the amount of power you will gain by joining him.
And yet.
This also means that you will rarely, if ever, see your friends and family again.
Everyone you love and care for will be removed from you. People who join the Elder don’t go back to their old lives. Service to the High Table becomes their new life. The tribe, their new family.
No Winston or Charon. Santino or John. No Ares or the Elites. No Sofia or Cassian.
Just no one.
The tear you feel in your heart at that thought nearly makes you choke on a sob. For all the physical agony you’ve been through in these last several weeks, this somehow hurts the most. The notion that you will never see them again, will never get to touch them or laugh with them, is agonising. Somehow it hurts even more than the realisation that you will be bound yet again, unable to be free, unable to live for yourself just like you always dreamt of.
A hand reaches for you but you stumble back a step, still not looking at him.  
“You will not be my prisoner, viper,” he tells you seriously. “I would never take that from you. But you—”
“Can never see them again, is that it?” you cut him off sharply.
You know he’s not used to being spoken to like that. You doubt anyone has even tried but when you lift your eyes to his, you notice how his own features smoothen in response to what he sees on your face. The grief and the pain. The raw, suffocating grip of it shackling you and dragging you down, down, down—
He doesn’t deny your words, however, and that’s answer enough.
“I know this is hard,” he says instead, and you think that sympathy you spy in his dark eyes is genuine, well-meant. “But I warned you where this path will lead you. You did not listen.”
It doesn’t help though.
God, it hurts so much. This is somehow worse than when John left. Worse even, is the fact that you have no one to blame. Not even the Elder. You did this yourself. Went into this fully knowing there is a chance it will all blow up in your face.
“Can I at least...say goodbye?” you wonder, your words thin, and inhale deeply despite the dry, hot air giving you little relief. “Spend some time with them before I leave?”
The Elder hesitates. “A week.”
You shake your head, stepping closer towards him. “Six months.”
His head slants; a colder, more authoritative motion. “Are you bargaining with me, viper?”
There is no hesitation in your reply, not this time, “Yes.”
“And what bargaining power do you have?”
It’s a curious question as opposed to condescending. Almost as if he’s trying to gauge how you will react, and you force your emotions back, licking your lips once. Your thumb smoothes against the inside of the metal band on your hand.
“I’m the acting boss of Camorra,” you remind him, straightening your shoulders once more despite the way you can feel your pulse fluttering against the base of your neck. You’re not sure if it betrays you but you certainly don’t let it show. “And I would respectfully ask that you give me six months. It will not change anything in the long run.”
The Elder’s attention drifts towards your hand, and he closes whatever little distance there is between you, reaching for it. You tense despite yourself when he carefully takes your clenched fist into his palm and lifts it between you. His thumb traces over your bruised knuckle—a tender, careful touch as if not to hurt you further—and a pensive hum slips free as he stares at the ring on your hand.
“You wear power beautifully,” he comments idly, and you have to hold back a shiver at the feeling of his thumb continuously journeying over your skin; nothing more than a tickle, a promise of warmth. The touch hurts as much as it soothes. “Three months. Offered to you only because you dare where others don’t. Because I am not unreasonable and while this is a punishment, I do not wish to see you unhappy.”
Too late for that nearly escapes you but you bite your tongue.
Three months. Just three. It will pass in a blink and then…
A lifetime away from everything you love, everything that is home and safety. Everything that’s important to you.  
“May...may I have a moment?” you request weakly. “Just to…”
He releases his grip on your hand and it falls to your side heavily. “Of course,” he voices graciously. “I will be back shortly but take the time you need.”
He steps past you once more but this time he heads towards the direction other men had left in earlier. He doesn’t pause and he doesn’t turn back to look at you, his gait slow but self-assured. You wait till his broad back disappears from your sight before you feel your expression crumble completely.
Pressing a hand against your face, you ignore the flare of pain where you dig too hard into your sunburnt skin. Instead, you focus everything inside yourself on controlling your despair and tears. You can’t fall apart now. Not after how far you’ve come and all you’ve been through.
Shuddering breaths wheeze past your mouth and nose, your shoulders quivering. Better to allow yourself this weakness now, alone, than to let the Elder or anyone see this slip.
Your shaking hands drag themselves away from your face and mouth, and your palm pushes against your breastbone. Beneath the material of your jumpsuit and skin, your heart hammers inside your chest like a wild beast desperate to escape. So afraid of the chain once again.
But what can you do? There is no other option. No escape. Nowhere to run, and even if you did, such action would only paint a bigger target on people closest to you. The only thing you would do by running is reassuring their demise.
The heel of your palm presses harsher against your sternum, maybe in some naive hope that you can tear your own heart out and it would be—
Oh.
You still, an unsettling sort of hush falling over you when a dark, insidious whisper slithers into your mind after all. You keep your palm close against the curve of your breast and think.
What would Winston do if he were here right now?
There is only one option, really.
Just the one.
But your mind and instincts go to battle at once. One side arguing for it and other against it. If you succeed...but if you fail…
But what other choice is there? Servitude or death? No.
A frustrated sound tears from the back of your throat and you drop your hand, standing to your full height, your eyes squeezing shut.
No. No, you will not let this pass. You will no longer be controlled. You’ve had enough.
Fuck consequences. You will deal with them as they come. You shouldn’t be punished for killing the man who took everything from you in the first place. You should not be punished for saving someone you care for—for interfering.
Your blunt nails bite into your palms to a point of pain despite that resolve. Because digging through that determination and rage is fear. Very simple human fear but you bottle it and shove it deep down.
No time for that now.
Power is a dangerous thing. You have to be willing to lose everything in order to take it.
And that’s exactly it.
Lose everything.
Just like that your taut limbs relax, the pounding inside your head retreating and dulling into a muffled buzz. You step forward one slow step at the time before dropping heavily onto the very throne you woke up to find the Elder sitting on.
Your eyes flutter close and you mull over the new path you’re about to step on, bowing your head in acceptance. So much for dreams of freedom. Your fingers ghost over your collarbone again and you smile this time; a cold, broken fragment of a smile.
Eyes closed, you listen to the sounds of the desert for a while, calming yourself. Wind against silk and tapestries. Faintest of whooshes caused by wind teasing sand away from the outer surface of dunes surrounding the camp. Sandorms, at least, you have not missed.
Deep down you can’t help but think that you always knew how this was going to end.  
People like us don’t get happy endings.
You ignore the ache inside your chest at the memory of Santino’s face, focusing instead on clearing your mind.
It takes at least another ten minutes before muted footsteps sound from ahead of you. You don’t lift your head at his approach, your arms hanging limp between your parted legs.
He pauses when he sees you. You suppose it’s rude, what you’re doing, sitting on his throne like it’s your own.
This time, you’re the one to tilt your head to one side, looking up at him from under your lashes.
The Elder doesn’t appear angry at your nerve to sit on his throne though. No rigidness to be found in his expression or slanting of his full mouth, not even a pinching of his brows; all telltale signs of his discontent usually. In fact, his eyes drag over your figure, lingering everywhere despite the distance.
For a man who doesn’t let others close, rarely lets his guard down in general, his appreciation—dare you say it, desire—is abundantly clear.
Jaw clamped tightly shut, you rise to your feet unhurriedly. Far steadier than you expected yourself to be capable of, and he steps closer towards you as well. Slow, bordering on cautious, and you wonder why. It’s like he’s afraid to blink lest you disappear.
But maybe that’s precisely it. Maybe he’s been hoping to walk into this tent and find you here every day since you’ve been gone. And now that you are here, he’s not quite sure what to do.
“How are you feeling?” he asks curiously, his accented words warming you like the setting sun, and you wonder what it may feel like to hear that voice for the rest of your life.
No turning back now.
Swallowing thickly, you ignore the pulsing numbness locking your throat, and wait for him to halt in front of you before you speak.
“I accept.”
A light sparks in his eyes—something burning and near living in its intensity, an emotion you have only glimpsed once before—as they roam over your features in search of an answer to a question he hasn’t asked.
“Three months,” you begin purposely, rushing your words out in a breathless whisper. He’s so close there’s hardly any distance between you at all—no room to turn away nor do you want to. The turquoise of his turban only seems to bring out the beauty of his dark eyes and golden skin. Draw you closer. He, too, hardly seems to be breathing while he listens to your words intently. “Then I come back here. To you. And stay. I will give this a chance but I can’t promise that it...will not be hard. In return…”
“The Excommunicado will be lifted upon your return to New York,” he reassures, still searching for something in your expression. “You have my word.”
His eyes lower and he breathes another sigh in a rare show of uncertainty.
“What is it?” you can’t help but wonder, confused.
“What proof do I have that you will uphold your word, viper?” he questions mildly, his probing stare digging into you. That challenging, clever stare that first got the warning bells ringing inside your head that this is not a man to be trifled with. “What will you give me in a show of fealty?”
You don’t say anything, peering up at him silently.
Seeing that, the Elder’s eyes slide towards your bare neck, and stop there. A second later, his strong fingers trace over the curve of the silver chain around your neck—
“No,” you choke out desperately, your hand snapping up to grip his own when his fingers slip around the metal. “Please, it’s not mine to give away.”
It’s Santino’s. When he gave it to you, over a year ago now, he asked to guard it for him, keep it safe. Even then, you knew it meant more to him than he would ever admit outright. You’re not quite sure where it comes from or who it belongs to but you have a strong inkling, and the idea of giving it away makes you feel sick to your stomach.
The Elder hesitates at your fragile plea, your eyes locking again, and fingers touching. “Yet it is important to you.”
More than he knows and certainly more than even you realised.
Here, now, faced with the prospect of losing it makes you think that you can’t live without it. That you need it or you will feel aimless and lost forever. It became an anchor slowly, with time, but now you value it above most things.
That realisation leaves you trembling before you conjure up some semblance of composure back.
“Please,” you plead again, soft and frayed. “Not this. I can give you something else. Something more.”
He doesn’t hide his palpable confusion, and that’s when you move closer, your fingers snaking up his neck as you lean forward and kiss him.
His moment of hesitation lasts no more than a split second before he grabs you around the waist, hauling you closer and you slip your arms around him, kissing him as deeply as you can. Your mouth hurts from how hard you kiss him, fervent and demanding, and despite his initial falter, he replies with equal drive and need. Your tongue slips inside his mouth, wet and hot, and you don’t compromise and neither does he. One hand grips the back of his neck where your nails sink into the firm, strong skin there, scratching and claiming. Your other drags across the scruff of his jaw, forcing him closer. Not that you need to, he holds you so close, every curve of your body presses into him.
He fuses you two together, the accessories of his robes wedging painfully into your skin but it only fuels you more. His large, burning hand settles against the back of your neck, holding you to him. Biting back a snarl, you try to wiggle your way free but his fingers dig in. Firm, unyielding, steadying; forcing a small gasp from you despite your best effort to hold it back.
You let everything flow outwards, biting down on his bottom lip greedily, and he groans loudly at the back of his throat—a deep, appreciative sound—that almost makes you purr in delight. All that control, all those guards, and you tore through them like tissue paper.
The taste of him mingles on your tongue, his nose nudging against your cheek when he deepens the kiss again, exploring and searching but with such desperation, it’s like he’s trying to drown himself in the kiss. In you.
Your lips tingle and feel partially numb by the time you finally part, breathing hard. Heat creeps up your neck and simmers in your gut while you continue holding onto him. The chain around your neck lays forgotten, both of the Elder’s arms locked firmly around you instead.  
Perhaps this is a kiss you should have shared years ago. That night by the fire you came dangerously close to taking this path. Claiming a lot more than just a kiss from him when he outright admitted that he would have made you his. A kiss that could have started something beautiful. It’s tainted now by the uncertainty of your shared future but you don’t point that out, only waiting for his reaction.
“Ya amar,” he breathes near reverent, his voice throaty, and gaze wild. He tries to leash his desire but you can still taste it, and with how thoroughly you kissed him, you have no doubt that he can say the same for you. “Why?”
“This is what you want,” you tell him, hushed words that brush against his lips as intimately as your lips have moments prior. “It’s what you always wanted.”  
He grips one side of your face, reminding you too much of someone you can’t afford to think of right now, and he shakes his head once.
“No,” he murmurs but the way he holds onto you betrays him as do his eyes that keep flickering back towards your lips. “What I always wanted was an equal,” he pauses for a beat, squinting at you like he’s taking you in with new eyes, like you’re a marvel to behold. “And you have become exactly that, haven’t you, my viper?”
Once you would have denied it, shielded away from saying anything on the matter. Once you simply won’t have believed it. But now there is nothing holding you back anymore.
In that freedom, you have unearthed a simple truth.
“Yes.”
His eyes flutter shut at your confirmation, and you hate the subtle glimmer of relief, even wonderment, you see creasing his expression. Like he’s waited his whole life for someone to say that.
“Three months,” he utters quietly like he doesn't want to disturb the moment. “Then you will return to me.”
“I always do.”
His grip on you constricts before loosening, lingering and reluctant to let go but he does eventually, his digits sliding away from the curve of your waist and neck.
You don’t bother asking how many rules you broke with this kiss.
You both got what you wanted.
“Your tent awaits you,” he prompts quietly, still drilling holes into you. “Rest before your journey, viper. We will see each other soon.”
You couldn’t run even if you wanted to or tried—neither of which you do. Too late for that now.
You dip your head in a small bow, but his fingers tap under your chin the moment you do, guiding your face upwards.
“Everyone but you.”
Then he pulls away, his thumb fluttering briefly over your bottom lip, and sits himself down on his throne, folding his arms and legs alike.
The perfect picture of a powerful, controlled ruler. Enigmatic and captivating.
Cruel as he is kind.
The Terrible Sultan, you can’t quite help your fleeting thought. Which makes you wonder if that, then, makes you his Golden Empress.
You don’t linger on that thought though, that connection that lives between you. Pivoting on your heels, you head towards the exit of the tent, feeling his eyes lingering on you the entire way.
Your mouth still burns but you ignore it.
Your expression slackens the moment your back is to him, coldness spreading through you as you step into the blazing desert sun.
E4 E5.
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The roar inside your head is overpowering.
So much so that all you can do is sit slumped beside your old cot. You hadn’t quite made to it, instead half-collapsing beside it. Your folded knees partially obscure your sight as you stare blankly ahead but you can’t bring yourself to move. 
Instead, you work on glueing together that controlled calm the very man you just talked with taught you. 
Your mind doesn’t allow you rest though. Every wall of control and discipline you’ve ever learned from every influential person in your life dissolves in face of the blistering furnace that is your raging heart. 
A collection of voices scream at you inside your head, and it takes a while to be able to comprehend what one singular voice that sounds suspiciously like Winston is demanding. 
What have you done?
And all you can think in response to that is a tiny and uncertain, What I had to.
Lacing your fingers, you push them between your thighs, sucking in deep, near painful breaths. 
You don’t have time for this. No time for self-pity. There’s…
There’s too much to do. 
Yet all you want to do is sit here for the rest of your days and never move. 
You lick your lips, wetting them, and feel another torrent of emotions batter against your self-control. 
The taste of him is still in your mouth. 
You haven’t kissed anyone on the lips in five years. Not since that night on your birthday when you kissed John. The last time you ever laid your mouth on someone else in general…
A comforting memory slips through the chaos; wispy and balmy, like an embrace. A memory of heat enveloping you, familiar cologne, and dark curly hair. Santino’s small, drunken smile when you pressed a kiss against his forehead, your fingers cupping his face. 
The way he had held you to him around the waist, making you feel unfairly safe, cared for. 
You never did tell Santino about his whispered words at Naples. What he confessed to you between the shadowed walls of his bedroom. Back then, a large part of you still refused to believe it—believe him. Had chalked it up to nothing more than a drunken moment of sentimentality. But that’s no longer the case. You know better than that now. 
Three months will have to be enough to…
To say goodbye. 
Clinging to that memory—and the understanding that you don’t have time to waste—you rise to your feet. For what feels like a thousandth time, teeth gritted and jaw set, you still stand despite the knock. 
Your tent hasn’t changed much. Some things are in a different place to where you left them but the knowledge that it’s been waiting for you all this time is like a sledgehammer to the chest. 
Soon, if things come to pass, it will be your home permanently. 
You start with changing and washing up, followed by applying the salve you found in a small, ceramic pot onto your skin.
For the burns, the note left on your pillow beside the pot read. You didn’t need to ask questions about its origins. You know that penmanship as well as your own after spending endless months studying his research. 
The Elder has once again thought of everything. 
The salve is like a soothing, cool caress across your burned, dry skin and the relief is, once again, immediate. A part of you wonders if there will ever come a day when his genius doesn’t surprise and intrigue you. 
Food is harder. Your stomach still churns, and despite your best attempts to quell the sensation of queasiness, it doesn’t pass. 
You force some broth down despite that, chewing everything in front of you on automatic. Made with a loving hand and great care guarantees that the food is delicious yet you taste none of it. 
It���s quiet. 
The roar inside your mind has quietened. 
Now everything feels cold and far away despite the heat dampening the back of your neck already. The shock has worn off, leaving only throbbing absence behind. 
A commotion sounds outside your tent and your head snaps to the sound. A second later the flap parts and a familiar, dark spectre of a man walks inside, his eyes already locked onto you. 
“John.”
You jump to your feet at the sight of him, moving towards him in hurried steps. Saad slinks inside behind John and you halt at the sight of his looming frame, your eyes narrowing. So that’s where he’s been. No doubt watching over the deadliest assassin alive to make sure he doesn’t cause problems. 
John looks relieved to see you, his expression easing as he takes in your new attire. Previously severe contours of his features relax and his chin dips. 
“V.”
He always manages to pack so much into so little. It’s like the acknowledgement alone asks a hundred questions. 
Are you okay? 
Are you hurt?
What happened?
Though you want to ask him those same questions yourself. He looks terrible. His treatment, clearly, while not awful has not been as hospitable as your own. 
“Saad,” you address the man, nodding your head towards him. Much like the Elder, he hasn’t changed much. A new scar clips the left side of his chin but the rest of him remains the same. From his critical stare, crooked nose, and dark skin. “It’s good to see you again.”
He doesn’t smile and his expression doesn’t lighten at your words. You didn’t expect it to, either. 
“Viper,” he says so bluntly you blink and even John inclines his body towards the man, peering at him from the corner of his eye. “Finally back where you belong.”
Your mouth goes dry. 
“I’m going back to New York,” you inform him, jutting your chin. “So I’m afraid this is a brief visit only.”
Those pitch-black eyes study you for several moments and you can’t quite tell what’s going on behind those empty depths. 
“You have ten minutes,” he states briskly, his voice still flat and accent gruff. “Then I am to escort Mr Wick to his transport. Your presence has been requested by the Elder before your departure.” 
You straighten at that. John is much the same, his shoulders curving backwards. Those words are also when you notice that John is in a fresh, black suit. 
“Is there a problem?” you pose coolly, but your old sparring partner only watches you both with palpable distrust.
He glares at you for a beat, still deadly silent, before turning away from you both. “Ten minutes,” he grunts, and then he’s gone, the flap swishing in his wake while you listen to his retreating footsteps. 
“V, what happened?” John asks the moment Saad’s footsteps can no longer be heard. “He told me he saw you already.” 
He. The Elder. 
Dropping your head in a nod, you turn away from the man behind you, glancing briefly at your shaking fingers. You squeeze them painfully, pressing them against your chest instead, and focus. 
I can do this. 
“We came to an agreement,” you say swiftly, keeping your tone light, and glance at him over your shoulder. Your hand lowers from your chest at the look on his face. John looks confused. Unconvinced. “My Excommunicado will be lifted once I return to New York. You?”
You knew from the moment the deal was made that telling John would not be wise. You know the man inside this tent. His actions with Santino have proven to you that despite what you might say or do, it won’t change his mind. When it comes to push or shove, John will always shove. And he will shove with enough force to crush the opposition completely. 
His reaction to learning that you have to go back in three months would only land him in deeper trouble. Usually, you would expect him to maintain his ironlike composure. Very little could ever move John in the first place, especially towards anything rash. But that desperate gleam in his eyes when he told you that he will make up for his mistakes keeps constantly jumping to mind. 
You don’t trust John not to do something drastic right now. 
He doesn’t respond to your inquiry at first. Which gives you plenty of time to notice the sheen of pain exuding from him. You slant your body back towards him when you do, and take several steps closer.
“What’s wrong?” 
Still, he says nothing. 
You’re about to demand answers but he simply lifts his hand in the air between you. 
And you suck in a deep breath at the sight of his missing ring finger. 
The void is glaring and the finger that was once home for a golden wedding band is gone. As is the ring. 
“He wanted to see my conviction to the Table and told me to cut my finger in a show of fealty,” he explains lowly, his voice and expression worn. “I will be bound to it and remember through death after I complete my task. That was his will and my price to pay for survival.”
It’s so easy, you think in a dazed rush, to forget exactly what the Elder is capable of. He got the deadliest assassin in the world to mutilate himself as a punishment. You would wager he didn’t even threaten—he didn’t need to. 
It makes you painfully aware of what could have happened to you if you didn’t have that history with him. If he didn’t look at you with all that hidden emotion. If you were just a girl who broke his rules. What would have become of you then? Would you have lost a finger as well? Your whole hand? 
Would you have been just another casualty to be stomped out? Removed like a tumour because you didn’t abide. 
Suddenly you feel sick all over again. 
Suddenly all you want—
Your arms wrap around him and you squeeze the powerful frame of John’s body to you. He seems to deflate, unwind and soften, his arms wrapping tightly around you in return. 
“I’m sorry.”
Because you’re still angry at him, still bitter about all he’s done, but you care about him despite that, and know how deeply this would have hurt. Physical injury aside, it’s the loss of his ring that would have stung the deepest. 
John adores Helen still, loves her deeply. 
It’s not something that can fade so easily despite death. 
You felt panicked at the mere prospect of the Elder taking the silver chain around your neck. How did John feel having to lose his finger and his final sign of dedication to the woman he loves? 
But, it seems, that you have both gotten what you had coming. 
He, too, will be bound to the Table now. In a different way than you but bound all the same. This desperate, bloody fight to be free and you are both back exactly where you started. 
John’s face presses into you, savouring the contact, and you release him after another minute. It isn’t just him that needed this. 
“I have to tell you something,” he says the moment you pull back. 
The morose curve of his mouth chills you at once. Comfort, however fleeting, has now left the air between you. 
“What is it?”
“It’s...”
John stares at you for a while. An internal war rages behind his dark eyes and your confusion mounts at his hesitancy. Something is stuck behind his teeth and your stomach sinks the longer the battle goes on inside him.
“It’s about Cassian,” he eventually settles on.
Your brows draw together, caught off guard. Analysing his features closely, you wait to see if he will expand on that but as always John limits himself. He only peers at you but the regret you find lingering in the air around him unsettles you further. 
“What about him?”
He still looks torn and reluctant when his lips part, “After we parted. He found me,” he says and your shoulders lift with your forceful inhale. Understanding blooms steadily with every word. “He wanted revenge. For Gianna.”
The air inside the tent is blistering but you feel it cool by several degrees at those words. 
You had sworn an oath to Gianna that you will make sure her family name survives beyond her. Now you wear the very ring she and Santino have been struggling to earn their entire lives. 
Even worse were Cassian’s parting words to you that still haunt you. 
But if we ever meet again. I will kill you myself. 
Your mentor and friend. A brother you would have loved to have had. 
You could drill John about what happened while you were dealing with Lucien. You could accuse him of more wrongdoings and damage. Demand to know why he didn’t tell you sooner. Scorn him. Hate him.
But instead, you turn away, and let only one question slip free, the only one that matters, “Is he still alive?”
He answers you honestly.
“I don’t know.”
His voice is thick with muted remorse and you nod your head in acceptance of that honesty. You don’t say anything in return, still staring at your cot. Focus on the pattern of your old blanket.  
You feel it bubbling in the air between you and speak up before he can.
“Don’t apologise,” you order but it’s empty of fury. You just sound weary. So very weary. “I understand. I just…”
Your eyes slip shut. He was only trying to keep himself alive. It’s just survival. But it still hurts. In that moment, the urge to give up is near overpowering. It digs deep between your shoulder blades and straight into your heart but you shake it off.
You’re not getting out of this. There’s no hope for you now. You know how this ends. 
You almost recoil at Kishi’s voice filtering from the deepest recesses of your mind. 
No. There’s still hope. That’s exactly why you can’t give up. Because there is still hope. 
“Wish it didn’t have to be this way?”
John’s soft inquiry makes you flinch, snapping you to the present. Your eyes return to him and you examine him for a moment, digesting his words. 
“Yes,” you mumble in agreement, your sadness no doubt palpable. “Yes, I do.”
John lowers his head, a few strands of his raven hair tickling his cheek when he does. “Do you ever wonder…”
He stares at the empty space where his finger should be, flexing the remaining ones experimentally. You wait for him to continue but can tell from one look that he’s lost in his head, thinking hard about something. 
“Do I wonder what?” 
John’s lips part, then press shut again. His breaths are haggard, slow. 
“What might have happened had I never pushed you back? Never left.”
You’re not sure what to do with his curiosity. You’re not even sure how you feel about it.  
“I used to. Often,” you admit after several minutes of thought. Because what do you have left to hide? Now, perhaps, you can be as open as you wish to be, say everything because it’s not like— “Then I realised there was no point to it because you weren’t coming back,” you tell him and chuckle weakly, adding an ironic, “We’re each masters of our own fate.”
Shuffling your feet, you venture closer towards him, and lift your face to his, taking his hand into your own. His knuckles, much like your own, are bruised and swollen. His are worse than yours, however, and with that in mind, you lead him towards your cot. You reach into the still open ointment pot and gather some, rubbing your fingers briefly to warm the salve. 
Slowly, you drag your fingertips gently over his knuckles. It won’t be as effective as it is for burns but chamomile, echinacea and ginseng inside the salve should still help with healing and soothing the pain. 
“You always had the right to choose, John,” you say quietly, frankly, as you work to apply the salve on his other hand as well. He’s so still you’re not sure if he’s breathing. “The right to happiness. I understand that now. It’s always been your right,” you continue, a touch sadder, and your eyes skip upwards to rest on his face. His stare is gentle, his mouth parted while he peers at you. “I’m just sorry that you had to lose it. But to answer your question. No. Not anymore. It’s been a long time. We’re different people now.”
You finish applying the salve and release your grip but his fingers tighten around yours before you can.
“Maybe that’s a good thing,” he says, his words hushed. 
Your search his face again. Wonder what the future will hold for you both. “Yeah, maybe it is.”
A rustle sounds behind you and you turn just as Saad steps back into the tent, his features still rigid with displeasure. 
“Come with me, Mr Wick,” he instructs sternly and inclines his head in your direction. “The Elder awaits you.”
Grounding your jaw, you offer the assassin beside you a calm, “I’ll see you back at the Continental.”
John turns back towards you. He doesn’t look particularly thrilled at your words, a question hanging in the air around him. “Are you sure?”
“Yes,” you say, unfazed. You pat his arm once as you pass; an old, routine gesture you haven’t done in years. “Tell Winston to get my favourite ready. He’ll know the one.”
You brush past them both, chin slanted at a higher angle. It’s late afternoon by now with the sun starting to dip towards the dunes. The air is still sweltering despite that, and a robed man waiting outside the tent gestures mutely in the direction he wants you to head in. 
You find the Elder at the edge of the camp, his presence a beacon that draws attention effortlessly. 
You pause at the sight of him, your shoes sinking into the golden sand beneath. He stares out towards the desert like you’ve seen him do a thousand times, and you wonder if he’s thinking about what you asked him years ago. Another ordinary night by the fire over your shared meal. 
Why not leave again? Why live in a desert? 
It is my duty. 
So you’re a prisoner of your own status? That seems lonely. 
And with his gaze focused on the fire instead of you, he had given you a simple yet serene response, Not anymore. 
Swallowing thickly, you stand there unmoving, watching him for a while. Something tells you that he’s as aware of you as you are of him. 
Loneliness is not unfamiliar to you. It’s a close companion. Has been for years. 
But you’ve found an escape. People to call your own. A sense of belonging.
He hasn’t. 
“It is peaceful here,” he speaks up suddenly, startling you. “Even as a boy, I loved the desert despite its cruelty. I have grown up appreciating its deadly beauty. Have learned to respect it and admire it.”
“Nothing about death is beautiful.”
A brief chuckle flows through the air and he turns to face you, his expression open, his stare narrowed but inquisitive as always. His laced fingers rest against his chest.  
“Your mind has been sorely missed, viper.”
The longing in those words brushes against your skin and mouth; an invisible kiss, an appreciation. 
You imagine that will change one day soon. 
Though it would be a lie to say that you, too, have not missed your discussions. The way you could submerge yourself in conversations with him completely. Lose yourself in his mind and the challenge he constantly posed. 
“You wished to see me.”
Your words sound lifeless even to your own ears and his expression drops. He strolls closer while you stand rooted in your spot. Something is different about him now. He’s missing that edge he had when he saw you earlier. That desperation. Desire. Near darkness. 
He’s more controlled now. At ease. Back to the man you knew. Earlier he gave into his desire freely, and you suspect it was only due to long years separating you. 
“I’m tempted to come with you,” he divulges quietly, like sharing one more secret, and a shiver tears down your spine at those words. He pauses, exhaling, and twists his ring on his finger for seemingly a hundredth time. You didn’t realise earlier how habitual touching it had become for him. “But I do not wish to take this time away from you. So, ya amar, I present you with this.”
From between the folds of his extravagant robes materialises a golden dagger. Your breaths grow shaky before you force them back into a steady rhythm, lifting your eyes to his. 
“It’s the same one,” you say weakly, your tone questioning. “From before.”
The Elder nods and holds out the dagger in the palm of his hand. It’s the same one he tried to give to you during your first stay here, after your sparring session.   
Same stunning, elegant design laced with gold around the handle. Black sheath edged by crusted golden detail as well. 
“Each of my disciples receives a weapon from me personally upon their initiation,” he tells you, his voice soft and melodic, always happy to sate your curiosity. “This one...is special to me,” his voice lowers, a glimmer passing through his eyes that’s gone too soon to decipher. “It is not official yet but I had hoped that one day it will serve you better than it has me.”
He waits for you to take it but you hesitate, staring at it. Your hand hovers over it, outlining the shape of it with your nail. 
You can still taste him. Like he’s rooted himself inside you now. 
“You told me that you understood me,” you begin cautiously, your voice equally as low. “Understood the vengeance that drove me. How?”
The Elder examines you closely. A pregnant pause stretches between you and you begin to think he will never respond before he finally reaches out. He grasps your hand in his, turning it till your palm faces the sky, and places the dagger deliberately into it. Watching you keenly, he carefully folds your fingers around it, not releasing your hand even when he’s done. 
A faint whisper passes his full lips—and you recognise Darija even if you don’t understand it—but it strikes you as…sad. Plagued with some nameless darkness. 
“One day,” he starts huskily, now in accented English, and you can’t quite read his expression or tone. But it’s some bizarre mix you’ve never seen before. A strain and a shadow all at once while he looks you over. “If you still wish it, I will tell you everything.”
The weight and the finality behind that word makes you shift, uneasy. You’re not sure if there will even be tomorrow—much less one day. 
But before you can voice that, the Elder lifts your joined hands, pressing his mouth gingerly against your skin; a fleeting flutter that warms the flesh. 
“Let this be a token of our shared promise to one another.”
He takes one last look at you, his dark gaze inscrutable, and then you’re left alone with only setting sun for company. 
The dagger in your hand feels like an anchor, and you tip your head backwards, gazing up at the expanse of the sky above. 
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The subway doors hiss open and you lift your head, stepping out onto the platform with other passengers. You’ve spent the majority of the journey here staring at the soles of your shoes, your mind splintering in a thousand directions.
There’s too much to do with time so limited.
Your return to New York had been by air. The Elder’s decision, taking into consideration how you felt about water travel.
It’s funny how you didn’t even need to voice such a thing for him to understand it. For him to make sure that the journey back is as painless as possible.
You’re not sure how John travelled but he did leave first, meaning he should be back in New York already. Until you arrive at the Continental, however, you have no way of knowing for sure.
The fierceness with which you’ve missed your home makes your shoulders lock as you cut through the bustling crowd. It should be said that Grand Central is always busy and overflowing with noise. Today is no exception to that. But you’re still a person at the very top of the Wanted list, so you keep your eyes peeled.
Instinctually, you scan the flow of the crowd around you. Strain every sense. Employ everything you’ve learned from some of the best in this world.
Step by step, turn by turn, staircase by staircase.
This time, he doesn’t catch you off guard.
The mob of people flows around you like a coursing river, hiding you both as you jerk to a mutual stop.
The grip on your wrist is unyielding, painful. The sharpened metal between your fingers trembles under the strain of that grip, and your expression mangles with fury. Acidic, poisonous emotion bubbles up to the surface and you don’t bother hiding it.
The man before you smiles at that—a slight but lovely thing—every micro-expression laced with fine malice.
“Hello, Lucien.”
You stand close enough to be touching, his thin frame still managing to cover your own. Your jaw has become a rigid mass as you glare up at him with open hostility.
“There you are, snakey,” he hums pleasantly, his thin mouth transforming into a slow, chilling smile. You try to push the blade you’re holding into his gut but his numbing grip remains. “I’ve been waiting for you to return. Has he missed you much?”
A couple of friends pass right by you, laughing loudly, and you both jerk again; limbs locking and muscle straining further. Neither of you manages to gain more edge on the other though and Lucien’s smile stretches further.
“And I knew you would find me,” you snarl coldly, your eyes narrowing into slits. “I wanted you to find me.”
Knocking his knee with your own, you swipe another blade free and aim it at him. Lucien pushes himself into you in reply, wrapping his arm around yours and halting you in your tracks. The blade scratches against the sleeve of his black jacket, cutting into it, but it doesn’t break skin past that. He yanks you closer, your bodies pressing against each other. You’re both practically embracing. Your limbs a joined, trembling mass from the sheer friction between you.
It’s a deadlock and you’re too evenly matched.
You’ve been waiting for this chance. For the chance to return the slight that was taking you and wasting precious hours for you over a week ago. Now that you know Santino’s choice is you—that you could have avoided this whole mess in the first place had you just had enough time to talk with him—it only makes you more furious.
You’ve been waiting for Lucien to catch up with you.
This time, however, he’s not the hunter, catching unsuspecting prey.
Baring your teeth, you snarl, wrenching yourself back—
And freeze.
Lucien’s coat parts and this close up a blinking red light catches your eye. As does the beeping your ears hadn’t previously picked up with all the noise.
Lucien’s smile turns downright predatory.
“All these sweet little angels...” he remarks in a sing-song voice, pointedly looking around the crowd, his accent just a little more notable. “Ready to watch them all burn?”
A portable bomb.
You should have known.
There’s no doubt enough packed in it to blow half the building, if not more. He would likely delight in the idea of the carnage even he’s not alive to see it himself.
Your features creasing at that thought, you demand an incredulous, “You would kill yourself just to see me die?”
“I’m already dead,” he replies blankly, the tilt of his voice emotionless. “After all I’ve done, it’s not about survival anymore. It’s about me....and you. And one last dance between us.”
You’re not going to play his games. Despite the confusion his words birth, you only allow a chilly, tepid smile to grace your face. Mocking him openly.
“Then catch me if you can.”
You sweep your foot under his legs. Swift and brutal. Lucien doesn’t fall but he does stumble half-a-step back, and you rip yourself out of his grip, dashing through the throng of people.
You’re not running blindly.
He enjoys the chase and you know he will follow but it’s not fear or desperation leading you this time.
People curse and holler as you shove them out of your way, throwing a few purposely in Lucien’s path. You don’t slow down to check if he’s following.
Every trained instinct in your body is screaming at you that he is.
You should have known he would try to use the people at the station against you. Use your close proximity to each other against you too. He’s learned of the dangers you pose at close combat.
But he’s not the only one to have learned something from your previous encounters.
Focused entirely on your rapidly forming plan, you tear out of Grand Central, the cool air of New York greeting you like an old friend.
Streets blur around you and your heart pumps inside your chest as you round the corner, stumbling. Wind beats against your cheeks and you ignore your harsh breaths, leading Lucien deeper into the heart of the city.
And it’s not his city.
You know every nook and cranny of this concrete anthill.
Skidding and stumbling, you throw yourself behind a building wall, pressing your back against it.
Your lungs quiver, heart pumping, and throat aching from the outright sprint you’ve just done.
Lucien should assume the obvious.
That you’re leading him back to the Continental at neck-breaking speed. As you did once before. And you are but not just yet. There’s something you have to handle first.
It takes no longer than ten seconds for the commotion to explode from the direction you just came from. Just as expected.
Lucien’s pounding footsteps reach your ears and your arch your back, readying yourself.
A smear of golden hair enters your vision and you throw yourself at him, slashing at his side.
No wires attached to the bomb that you saw. The Lovers are too sophisticated for anything as inelegant and rudimentary as that. Which makes this bomb either remotely detonatable or Lucien has other means by which to set it off.
Which then means that all you need to do is to rip that portion of his coat off him.
You’re not about to lead him back to your home with a bomb on him.
Lucien crashes onto the concrete sidewalk heavily, you on top of him. His knee drives into your gut and you wince, your fingers tangling into his jacket so he doesn’t slip out of your grip. You manage to hold on, hacking against the coarse material wildly. His features contort, realisation as to what you’re trying to do sinking in.
He throws a punch at you but you duck, ignoring his fingers when they sink into your hair, trying to yank you off him. People around you scream as you roll across the concrete, scattering the moment they realise you’re armed.
You have no intention of killing Lucien outright.
He deserves to reap the consequences of his actions just like the rest of you. If there’s anyone who deserves to be punished for all of this, it’s him. And you will see to it. Lead him back to the Continental and trap him inside like a rat in a maze.  
See what the Black Dragon does when you offer their little pet as a sacrificial lamb for the High Table.
He yanks on your hair but you swipe upwards, scratching your blade against his skin and he barks a laugh. Few droplets of blood slide down his porcelain skin and you stumble back, staggering onto your feet.
Lucien’s jacket is in tatters and he grabs it, yanking it off himself, and throws it carelessly to one side. You tense when it hits the ground but nothing happens. You’re not quite sure if it’s just that durable or if it was a fake-out—both seem equally as likely. “You’re no fun,” he pouts, watching his hand curiously. Ruby droplets well where you have torn into his skin, and he swipes his tongue across the skin lazily, unconcerned. “But fair enough.”
“You and me,” you grit out, glaring down at him as you back up, rolling the blade between your digits with expert ease. He stretches to his full height, too, towering, cracking his neck as he does so. “Let’s dance.”
You peel away, him a second behind you. You know how fast he is and pump your legs till the muscles in your thighs burn from exertion.
You’re surprised he’s not trying to shoot you like last time but maybe that’s the point. He doesn’t want a quick death for you just like you don’t want to kill him till he’s been punished.
Night blurs around you and your eyes narrow in concentration, keeping ahead but just barely. You can hear him right behind you, practically breathing down your neck.
Motorcycles suddenly rev behind you but you don’t dare to risk turning around to check. There’s more than one engine. Which doesn’t bode well for you.
Leaping down the stairwell, you cut through an underground pass. The tunnel amplifies every sound and you hear Lucien’s pounding footsteps behind you. He’s gaining on you.
Sweat clings to the back of your neck, your cheeks stinging from heat and the cold alike.
You take three steps at a time, jumping up the staircase on the other side of the tunnel in a manner of seconds. It takes several moments before motorcycles sound from behind you again—they clearly know the route enough to know about the shortcuts—but you don’t let it shatter your concentration.
The staircase of the Continental appears in your vision, so dear and welcoming—
A weight slams into you from behind and you wince as you both roll across the ground; a wild tangle of limbs.
Scrambling, you punch him right across the jaw before he can get a solid grip on you. Your knuckles twinge with pain but it barely registers. Lucien’s head snaps to the side but he manages to grab your wrists, pinning them to the ground, before you can yank a blade loose.
You drive your knee into his ribs. Once, twice.
Lucien takes it like he can hardly feel it. Teeth gleaming, bared. His grip tightens on you again—there will be bruises there tomorrow without a doubt—and you roll in a mangled mess once more. Two animals snapping their teeth at each other. The motorcycles draw closer down the street and you squirm when he tries to pin you down again. For being so thin, his strength is impressive. Worrying.
He wants to play games. But you’re far, far more furious than he is.
Your head cracks against his forehead, momentarily blinding and deafening you. Lucien falls back. Wobbling, you do the same. Everything is static noise—one moment, two, then you force yourself to move. Vision swimming, you kick at his abdomen blindly. There’s contact and rolling onto your stomach, you hurriedly scramble onto your feet.
A roar of engines hums through the night air, closing in, and you leap onto the stone stairs ahead of you, gripping onto the concrete.
Safe haven. Home.
Your head slants to look behind you; a victorious, vicious smile spreading across your face even though your forehead hums with numbing pain.
Lucien approaches slowly, a hunter on a prowl. His slick back hair is in a disarray. Flecks of his own blood splattered across his face.
He looks murderous despite the deformed smile still splintering his mouth.
Motorcycles come to a stop behind him and you recognise those dark uniforms anywhere. Black Dragon’s men—just as you suspected.
You rise to your feet, deliberate but cautious, taking count of the men present. Foot soldiers are hardly a reason for concern. A certain blonde with his raging stare most certainly is though.
“No one interferes,” Lucien orders, directing his words at the men behind him. “This is between me and—”
“Us.”
Your heart stills for a second before exploding in a wild flutter inside your chest.
You don’t turn around but hear the hotel door behind you crack open, followed by footsteps.
Lucien’s expression morphs with cold viciousness in the face of the new company.
Dario and Julian walk past you first, coming to a stop at the foot of the stairs, effectively blocking Lucien’s path. The Sharpshooter has his twin pistols gripped firmly in each hand, his usually friendly demeanour absent. Only the Camorra’s best stares back; focused and grim. Dario is no better with his arms folding over his broad chest the moment he halts, seemingly only amplifying his domineering presence. He reminds you of a growling grizzly bear, waiting for the slightest of provocations.
Step comes to a standstill beside you, nudging you with his elbow, and you dare to momentarily look away from Lucien to see his grinning face. He wiggles his eyebrows, his round sunglasses still on his face before he leaps down the last several steps. He lands noisily just behind Julian, laughing softly under his breath.
“Whatever issue you have with our boss,” Dario speaks solemnly, his usually warm, rumbling voice void of those things. “We would caution you to forget about it.”
“Get out of my way,” Lucien hisses lowly, his lips barely moving. “This doesn’t concern you.”
Julian raises his pistols at blinding speed at those words, pointing them directly at Lucien’s face. The Dragon’s men unholster their weapons in response but despite being outnumbered at least one to two, the Elites don’t appear concerned.
You’re not sure if you’re still breathing.
“We would rather not kill you,” Step chirps happily, leaning his elbow on Julian’s shoulder, before adding a downright chilling, “But we will.”
Lucien’s expression smoothens, growing remote in its emptiness. His hollow stare drags up till it latches onto you—cold and unforgiving, two black holes.
“You know you can’t hide from me, viper,” he whispers yet his low, throaty words carry through the night air all the same. The Elites don’t so much as blink; an impenetrable wall of defence. “We have unfinished business, you and I.”
“Were they not clear enough for you, huh?”
Your eyes nearly close when the final pair of footsteps comes to a stop beside you. Your attention doesn’t waver but you hear the click of a lighter beside you. It’s followed a second later by a soft crinkle of a smouldering cigarette as Hector draws a deep, tobacco-induced breath into his lungs.
“She’s our boss,” he declares roughly and you feel your throat close up at his frank statement. “Which means that you really don’t want to start this,” a pointed pause, and another hard inhale of a cigarette before, “So why don’t you go and blow a load into your girlfriend and stop wasting our damn time.”
The atmosphere thickens with tension at Hector’s crass words but you don’t look away from Lucien.
The blonde slants his head, curious. He regards Hector like a bug; an odd, unusual being that makes no sense to him. Like his words are spoken in a foreign language the assassin doesn’t quite comprehend.
“Boss,” Lucien echoes softly, making a fine mockery of the word, as he takes a few deliberate steps closer. “Is that suppose to mean something to me?”
The threat in his lovely voice snaps Julian’s hand to one side, the barrel of his gleaming silver pistol pressing into Lucien’s temple just as the tall man places his foot on the Continental staircase.  
“Julian, don’t!” you warm loudly and the Sharpshooter freezes at your command. “It’s what he wants,” you add bitterly, turning your stare towards the blonde who appears completely unconcerned to have a fully loaded weapon digging into his head.
His smug smile stretches, quivering at the corners, his stare almost playful, goading.
Julian obeys, his arm lowering slightly but his pistol remains trailed on the French assassin. The man in question takes his time, deliberately climbing one step at the time, and Hector lowers his smouldering cigarette. He’s on your right, standing between you and Lucien but the blonde hardly seems to notice that when he comes to a halt, still watching you intently.
“Yeah, it really should,” Hector says deliberately, his voice dipping towards seriousness and warning.
Dario and Step are still watching the Dragon’s men closely while Julian has turned with Lucien, his pistols still locked onto the man. It’s been a long time since you’ve seen the Sharpshooter as anything other than grinning and relaxed.
Lucien drags his gaze away from you at long last, his attention switching to the leader of Elites beside you, and you feel the suffocating tension in the air as they both stare each other down.
“I hold no loyalties to anyone for you to threaten me with fancy titles, dog,” the blonde remarks, his voice light, almost friendly, his attention once again returning to you. “But I’ll see you inside, snakey.”
You don’t answer him, choosing to glare right at him and nothing more than that. The lack of reaction seems to dissatisfy him, his lips pressing into a firm, unhappy line. He reaches for you—
Hector grabs his extended hand with near blinding speed, crushing his wrist in an ironlike grip as he jerks Lucien’s hand backwards, holding him back.
Everyone tenses and Dario pulls his own weapons free when the Dragon’s men try to push closer.
“Let me rephrase that,” Hector hisses quietly, his words thick with warning—no boredom or indifference to be found in his voice now. “She’s ours. You so much as lay a hand on her and I’ll cut it off and feed it to you.”
The French assassin grins in return, chuckling, his fist clenched to a point his knuckles strain beneath his pale skin. Hector’s grip only tightens though, the ink of his tattoos highlighted by the lights above.
“You got that?” he stresses viciously. “Or was I being too obtuse, you bleached French fuck.”
He throws Lucien’s arm back at him and the man’s expression sharpens with a savage sort of rage. Aside from his stormy, narrowed stare, it’s near impossible to tell that Lucien is displeased though. His features might as well be cut from marble.
“You remind me of someone I knew once,” Lucien muses, still grinning though it looks no better than a sharpened blade. “He too was an arrogant, blunt tool to be used.”
The blonde hums mockingly, looking Hector up and down.
“Get lost,” he calls out loudly, slanting his head—something so harsh in the motion you half-expect to hear his neck crack—toward the Dragon’s men. “I don’t need you here.”
Confusion follows those words but Lucien only cuts one last look your way before strolling calmly into the hotel.
You’re not going to stop him because he’s exactly where you need him to be. He will stay to try and wait you out. Which is exactly what you want and need. Time.
Biting back a grin, you briefly glance at Hector who meets your inquisitive stare and turns towards the Dragon’s men who look unsure as to what they should do.
“Are you deaf?” he snaps loudly. “Get lost.”
Step moves first, bouncing up the stairs till he’s right in front of you. He parts his arms, waiting for you to show if you’re in the headspace to be touched and…
You wrap your arms around him—near crushing and strong, squeezing his wiry frame to you with all the strength you possess inside your body. The hacker’s arms lock equally as tightly around you despite Hector’s snort.
“We’ve been worried about you, carina,” he mumbles against your cooling neck, and you watch Dragon’s men clearing the entrance of the hotel over his shoulder. “Everything’s gone to hell.”
“We should take this inside,” Dario speaks up, finally lowering his weapons, and Julian does the same though his grip on them doesn’t loosen. “It’s not safe for you out here, V.”
You release Step from your death grip with a nod and a pat on his shoulder. He flashes you a quick smile but it looks strained. They all look tense, grim-faced, and tired. Still deadly though, and focused as always.
Julian opens the glass doors and steps inside, his pistol raised like he expects Lucien to leap at you from the shadows.
The hour is late and the reception area, for once, feels eerily quiet. No Lucien in sight though.
You haven’t even noticed how they’ve positioned themselves around you. Hector is still on your right, Julian at the front and Dario taking the rear while Step’s arm ghosts on your left.
Your throat aches, something coiling inside your heart.
You feel…
Protected. Safe.
It robs you of speech for a solid minute—that realisation.
You’ve lived with them for a year. Ate, trained and bled with them. But it feels different now for some reason you can’t explain.
You’ve grown so used to fighting your battles alone that having someone on your side feels surreal.
Even more surprising is Hector’s compliance. You hadn’t expected him to fall into the role of your temporary right hand so easily. Or to be as open about your position, and his by extension, at your side. You hadn’t even expected him to stand in defence of you, unlike the other three.
But Hector has always valued Camorra above all else. Personal prejudices aside, he will always do his duty. It is, perhaps, the one thing you’ve always admired the most about him. His unfailing loyalty.
If you died now it would only cause further chaos and headaches for him.
Seeing all of them again, however, fills you with such immense relief you can hardly speak.
“Santino?” is the first thing you manage to wheeze out. “Ares? Roberto? How—how are they?”
With each step, you shed your momentarily lapse reminding yourself that this is no time to feel sentimental.
Hector answers you promptly, as would be expected of him, “Princeling woke up several hours ago,” he states calmly and you notice that he no longer has his cigarette. He must have dropped it outside. Despite that, your sensitive nose still catches a whiff of tobacco every time his lips part. “Ares is with him. Roberto is stable.”
You practically stumble to a stop. “He woke up?” you whisper, your voice breathy with fragile hope.
Hector’s stare is critical but lacking his usual irritating superiority. Surprisingly. “Yeah, asked after you,” he reveals bluntly, and you can feel others monitoring your reaction to those words. “He thought Wick killed you.”
Your heart clenches painfully at that.
He got shot in the head and his first worry when he woke up had been you?
But the knowledge that he has regained consciousness, had been coherent enough to even speak, nearly crumbles your self-control again. Relief churning through your veins is immeasurable. Dizzying.
You want to demand a thousand things but instead push yourself to focus, “We have to move him to the penthouse. Immediately.”
One of Hector’s eyebrows arches at that. But it’s Dario that speaks first, “Why?”
You glance between the four of them silently. No one else seems to be around. In the distance, even the reception desk sits empty, and it’s the first time in seven years that you’ve seen it unmanned.
What’s going on? Where is Charon?
“Because she’s not here,” you tell them, still slightly out of breath due to your earlier sprint, and your words soften with bitterness. “The Female Lover. Divide and conquer seems to be the most logical course for them to follow now.”
It would make sense. Split attacks and lay traps. Force your hand with pitting Lucien against you because they no doubt know that Santino is being kept safe between these walls. Put danger right here on your doorstep so you are forced to act.
The Four exchange wary looks and you note them at once.
“We already moved boss,” Julian informs you before you can ask, his strong eyebrows curving and feet shuffling. You can almost hear the grimace in his voice. “Right after the visit from an Adjudicator earlier. We figured it was no longer safe for him to stay since they demanded to see him.”
“Don’t look so surprised, sweetheart,” Hector mutters under his breath, folding his arms with a slight roll of his eyes. “Some of us are actually good at doing our jobs. Removing him from the Table’s direct jurisdiction was the best thing to do at the time.”
“Then where the hell is he?”
Step winces. “The penthouse,” he tells you and immediately lifts his hand in a pacifying manner while your eyes close. “But Flavio and others are with him. He’s protected. He was moved discreetly. No one saw a thing. I was watching all the cameras myself.”
Biting back a sigh, you mull over his words and huff a breath. “Then why are you not with him?”
“Because once Mr Wick arrived here in a rather…loud manner,” Dario begins and your attentions slides to him. “We knew you will not be far behind. With trouble likely on your heels. We had no way of contacting you and splitting up would have drawn too much attention. Step worked entire day trying to pin the Lovers down to one location but they kept popping up all over the city. They’ve been circling.”
So they stayed here to keep enemy eyes pinned on the hotel, giving them time to move Santino in secret.
Sometimes you forget how brilliant they are.
“They were waiting for me to come back,” you assume.
Dario inclines his head, his stare firm, and strong eyebrows curved. “Our duty is to protect you as well, V.”
Your blink at those resolute words, caught off guard.
Step is grinning cheekily but the other two stand with sombre air surrounding them. Hector’s expression is stony but he doesn’t disagree, either.
Before you can thank them or say anything else, a realisation slices through you like a bolt of lightning. A sickly feeling of quicksand gobbles you up in a matter of seconds, and you battle down the urge to kick something.
“Circling,” you repeat numbly, nearly biting your tongue because you already know the answer before you bother continuing. “Anywhere near the penthouse?”
You direct that question at Step and the latter stills, his grin wilting. “Closest ping I got was four blocks out.”
“Fuck.”
Your head slants backwards and you bite out an even more vicious, “Fuck.”
“V?”
Your head drops back and your expression is no doubt unforgiving. “Get to the penthouse right now,” you order, not even bothering to make it sound like a request. “This is their plan. For me to get here so she has the go-ahead to attack while Santino is alone. They’ve been waiting for you to move him. They knew you did. That’s why the male Lover let it go. Why he’s not here right now.”
Lucien is no doubt putting their plan into motion. Dismissing Dragon’s men was about giving you a false sense of security.
“What about you?” Julian wonders quietly though his tone doesn’t lack urgency. Dario already has his phone pressed to his ear, no doubt calling the security at the penthouse.
You want to go.
You…
“I can’t,” you choke out even though it kills you to admit it. “If I go, I lead Lucien and god knows who else straight back to Santino.”
The Lovers are no doubt hoping for that outcome. But you can keep them separated too. Weaken them. It just means trusting the Elites with Santino’s life completely. They will be taking the brunt of Mika’s and the Black Dragon’s attack.
You look towards Hector but find him already gazing at you, his harsh features drawn into a pensive expression. His eyebrows sit contracted into a tight line and his eyes go to Step.
Dario’s muffled murmurs cease then, and he lifts his head, ending the call with a single touch against the glowing screen. “There’s been nothing so far but…”
“Can you isolate any incoming attacks?” Hector demands and Step pulls out his phone the moment those words leave the leader’s mouth, scrolling and tapping rapidly. “Get to the penthouse. Julian call the rest of the men. The ruse is up. Tell everyone to get their asses there right now or I’ll kill them myself. Go.”
It’s a testament to how much they trust each other that they move as one—not questions asked—only pausing monetarily before you, and it takes you a full second to realise that they’re waiting for your approval.
Right. You’re their boss. Even if only temporarily.
You nod twice; shaky and a touch frantic.
“Capo.”
You’re not even sure which one of them says it, or if it’s all of them in unison, but a shiver tingles down your neck all the same.
Hector hesitates, still standing rooted in his spot, his stare probing but he doesn’t make a sound until the hurried footsteps of the other Elites fade.
“You’re planning to go after him.”
It’s a statement, direct and shrewd, and you see no reason to deny it. “Promise me you will kill her,” you insist sternly, your eyes meeting for a charged moment. “Don’t let her touch him.”
Hector strolls past you, his hands in his pockets. “Consider it done,” he shoots back flatly, pausing beside you once again but doesn’t turn towards you. You simply stand shoulder to shoulder in the empty lobby. “Something else is going on here. The Frenchie isn’t the only one you should watch out for. Some bald asshole followed Wick, and this Adjudicator seems a little rule happy and not in a good way,” he concludes pointedly.
“It doesn’t matter,” you respond mildly, your voice vacant and low, distant. “They can’t touch me. No one can now.”
The dagger against your side feels like it’s scorching into your skin.
Hector turns to face you at that but you don’t do the same. His weighty stare digs into your temple for several moments but you ignore it. Expectation hangs heavy in the air between you but you don’t explain yourself further. There is no point.
He scoffs under his breath, managing to sound as dismissive and derisive as always. The nearby heat of his looming frame disappears, his footsteps echoing against the marble as he saunters away.
But the way he had the foresight to move Santino nags at you, as do his actions outside on that staircase only minutes prior.
And—
“Hector?”
His footsteps fade into a stop, and you turn your face towards him.
“What now, sweetheart?” he calls out impatiently, peering at you over his shoulder as well. “Want a back rub with all of that?”
Normally something like that would have angered you, dug under your skin, pissed you off. Now though…
“Thank you.”
He doesn’t outwardly react to your words, not even a twitch of his facial muscles. He only stares at you for a long minute completely silent. You’re not quite sure what to make of that reaction.
“Whatever.”
His back disappears through the door leading outside and you turn back towards the reception desk.
Time to get some answers.
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You hear him before you see him.
The dog leaps at you with a happy bark, his tongue lolling to one side when he lifts his nose eager to give you kisses.
His presence here shocks you but only because you know for a fact that the Continental doesn’t do animal boarding. Everything lately has felt like an avalanche of one thing after another that you haven’t stopped to think about what may or may not have happened to him. Or where he might be staying after John’s home was destroyed.
Despite not seeing him in a few weeks, he seems no less thrilled to see you.
“Hey, Cheeseburger,” you greet with the first genuine smile in a week, your features softening. You bend down to pet him, rubbing behind his ears and he only tries to lick you with more fervour, a happy doggy grin splitting his face. “Have you been good?”
A small bark escapes him, tail wagging so quickly it’s a blur, and your smile grows.
“Miss.”
Your eyes skip ahead, and relief whispers through your chest, an invisible coil loosening when you spot Charon standing ahead of you. As always his posture is bowstring straight, his suit pressed neatly, and eyes watchful over his glasses.
“Charon.”
You’ve missed him. So dearly. Seeing his face is like a much-needed balm against your tattered nerves.
His voice is as low and soothing as always when he offers a cordial, “Welcome back.”
His words might as well be an embrace and your smile wobbles momentarily. There has been a large part of you that was convinced you would never see him or Winston again.
You try not to think about your deal now. About leaving just when you got them back. Right now all that matters is that you’re here.
Still stroking Cheeseburger’s head, you stand back to your feet, ignoring the twinge of discomfort in your muscles when you do.
“It’s good to be back.”
Charon starts approaching you but a voice cuts in before he can say anything else.
“The Vipress.”
Your smile slides off your face when a short, bald man with a fixed smile and a wide-eyed stare appears from behind the concierge.
Hector’s warning springs to mind at once, and your eyes briefly flicker towards Charon whose expression remains impassive. A certain strain—disdain, even—can still be found in his overall bearing, however.  
Charon is not one to dislike people often, and certainly not openly. Though to most he would no doubt appear as detached and professional as always you can tell the difference. You’ve known him for years after all.  
“Do we know each other?” you wonder neutrally, your palm ghosting over a concealed blade despite the no-business rule. Not a scowl or even a whisper of a frown shows but your voice slides into something apathetic all the same.
The man dressed in all black wanders closer. His stance is relaxed, expression friendly, but you see the assessing gleam in his eyes, the brittle—almost mean—edge to his slight grin. It makes you feel like he’s in on some joke you’re missing out on.
Despite being on the shorter side and his near deceptive demeanour, you don’t fail to take count of the precise way he moves—a trained, likely deadly individual, and your attention settles on him like a sharpened blade against his throat.
Though your body language doesn’t outright change, you know he, too, notes the shift in you in those several seconds that pass between him stopping just a little ahead of you.
Cheeseburger licks your fingers—blissfully ignorant of the uneasy atmosphere—and you drag your fingertips over his head tenderly.  
“No,” the man answers shortly, still smiling what he no doubt hopes to be a friendly smile though it hardly is. “But I know of you. Tokyo still remembers your name.”
Your heart stutters for a single second, feeling the slice of those calm, unassuming words. But you can tell from the way his lips flutter just slightly that he chose his words carefully. A deliberate dig and he examines your reaction closely, so you show him nothing.
The man ventures closer yet again, seemingly encouraged by whatever he sees, and extends his gloved hand your way. “But where are my manners? I am Zero.”
His hand hangs in the air between you and Charon’s stare settles on you. He doesn’t interfere though, or comments.
Not taking his hand would be rude but expected. People know of your aversion to touching strangers. However, it would also put you on a backfoot after his previous dig, and the last thing you want is someone that worries even Hector to smell weakness.
With that in mind, you slot your smaller hand into his, your grips equally as constrictive, “Good to meet you,” you say, your voice bland, dropping his hand after another forced twitch of your lips. “Now if you excuse—”
“I was still in training when you killed Kishi of Tokyo,” he declares loudly, freezing you mid-turn, and your eyes meet Charon’s again before you look back at the newcomer. You’re not quite sure what to make of his strange stare or fragmented little smile. “We knew each other. But not much,” he continues, no doubt purposely ignoring your disinterested, borderline hostile stare. “Maybe I should express my gratitude. If it were not for you, I would not be what I am today.”
He even bows his head. Like you’re his comrade. Like you’re one and the same.
Still, you say nothing, and Zero chuckles loudly before it cuts off abruptly. A new gleam glows in his eyes, and it doesn’t surprise you when Charon comes to a stop beside you. The concierge cuts for a silent but foreboding figure all the same.
Zero’s expression twists with amusement upon spotting that silent gesture, and he presses his hand over his chest. “You’ll have to forgive me, I’m a bit—what do they say—a little starstruck,” he apologizes but it feels more like oil on your skin followed by another gleaming smile. “Meeting the John Wick and the Vipress in a span of a single night. Legend of the old and legend of the new. The shadow that hides the snake—that’s what they still say about you two.”
You work hard to not let anything slip. You’ve known about your legacy in Tokyo for some time now—your and John’s both. You did what no one has done before. Escaped. Survived. John slaughtered his way through Kishi’s men to make sure no one ever followed you back.
It didn’t change much in the end. That nightmare of a man—his phantom, at least—still haunts you to this day. It chills the blood in your veins to be standing out here now and be discussing him so openly. Especially with someone who supposedly knew him.
You’re not sure if you’re strong enough to engage with this conversation. There’s only so many ghosts you can handle in such a short span of time.
“I wish to see the manager,” you announce instead, your stare not leaving the assassin before you.
There is a flare of fury at the dismissal but it’s brief, and once it passes, it leaves a man that reminds you of a mannequin—deflated and lacking life, formless like a ghost.
“Sir and Mr Wick are currently meeting in the administrative lounge, Miss,” Charon answers promptly but then adds a deliberate, “The manager, however, has expressed his desire to see you at once upon your return.”
Even if Winston hadn’t, something tells you that Charon would have said that regardless. Like you know him, he knows you. He understands perfectly well how shadows of your past belong there. Rattling them now would be dangerous.
Nodding, you force yourself to keep a polite facade, the assassin receiving a rather forced, “Mr Zero.”
Certainly the best he could hope for. Or should. Still, you feel proud of yourself for managing to contain yourself. For not letting him bait you into action because he no doubt was hoping for a reaction, perhaps even a confrontation. That would be easy, expectant.
Zero doesn’t look pleased about the outcome of the conversation at all. His easy-going, faux adoring demeanour splintering around the edges. The man before you tries to hold the pieces together but you notice the cracks all the same.
Lowering your chin, you raise your palm towards Cheeseburger, “Stay.”
The dog releases a small whine at the order but does as he’s told, sitting back on his hind legs, his ears perked up. That alone almost brings another smile to your face.
Your arm drops back to your side and you offer Charon another look that says a silent keep an eye on him.
Your footsteps echo as you cut through the hallways of the hotel, passing a few faces as you do. Zero doesn’t follow and you’re glad for it—for some reason, a part of you had expected him to.
Throughout your journey, you feel eyes tracking you. No one says anything or moves towards you though. You half expect Lucien to leap at you from every shadowed corner but he’s nowhere to be seen. You want to worry that maybe he truly did leave the hotel and hightailed it for the penthouse but it won’t be logical for him to miss out on this chance.
Lucien’s interest—fixation—with you has always felt deeply personal. More than a simple job or a hit. It never felt like he took as much interest in Santino as he did in you. Certainly surprising considering that from you two, it’s Santino with the biggest power reserve behind him. Enough to crush the Lovers if he came into his power as he now has. You’ve thought about this once before but maybe then you had things wrong.
Despite you being the bigger physical threat, removing Santino first would have been more logical. It would have isolated you. Left you without support.
Lucien never showed much eagerness in Santino’s removal aside from making an occasional threat to rile you up from the start.
Why?
Is it truly just conviction that you are alike? An obsessive there can only be one mentality?
With that thought lodged like a splinter inside your mind, you step into the elevator, shoving the partition roughly with a metallic click.
The elevator jolts when you press the appropriate floor button, falling back against the metal wall on your journey.
Everything is so loud it’s somehow quiet. Or maybe you’ve just gotten better at ignoring it.
It’s a short trip and when the elevator halts you pull the metal partition slowly this time, perking your ears for any unusual sounds.
There’s nothing.
You’ve never liked the administrative lounge much. Unlike the rest of the hotel that’s always oozed an old, rustic charm, this space has always felt cold and clinical on the few, rare occasions you visited Winston up here. Frankly, it’s never been the type of place you enjoyed visiting then, and you don’t suspect that will change any time soon.
The neon laser lights and glass as far as the eye can see. Visually it’s a masterpiece of architecture but it always made you feel uneasy. Like a rat caught in a crystal maze. Being back here now reminds you eerily of the gallery you had to chase John through, nearly losing everyone dear to you in the process.
Grabbing a blade from a secure sown-in compartment inside your coat, you move up the staircase soundlessly.
It doesn’t take long for faint, muffled voices to reach you. Slowing down further, you approach one step at a time. With each step, Winston’s calm baritone becomes clearer. You stop abruptly when his words start registering properly.
“—but you’re having doubts?” he calls out, sounding knowing and in control like usual. “Because you know that she will never forgive you if you do this. Will never let you into her heart again. She’s the only thing you still have left to lose,” he goes on, and your eyes widen when you realise who exactly he’s discussing. What the hell is going on? You know he’s talking to John but… “This is all assuming she can find it in herself to forgive you for your actions in regards to one Santino D’Antonio in the first place.”
You can’t see them from here. You’re above them by at least an entire flight of see-through glass stairs. Shifting your weigh, you move closer, holding your breath and sinking lower towards the ground to not alert them of your presence.
“I understand perfectly well, Johnathan, this is nothing personal,” Winston continues and for once you truly find yourself hating how calm he sounds. You’ve never seen the manager caught off guard. It’s everyone else he outmanoeuvres with expert ease. But personal? What’s personal? “If you feel like you must. Put a bullet through my heart. The High Table has asked me to step down one way or another.”
You almost stumble.
What?
It’s then that a memory springs forward. Of the tent. John’s conflicted expression and his words.
Elder gave you time to say goodbye but you had to make a deal. What if John had to make one too? He mentioned a task; a task he never got time to explain further. Only a vague mention of one.
But he had wanted to, you realise with sinking dread, the moment he saw you, he wanted to.
John’s punishment—his true punishment—is sacrificing his oldest friend in a show of fealty to the Table and killing him.
The lukewarm metal between your digits nearly falls to the ground at that realisation.  
But why—
“The hour?” John’s gruff voice speaks at long last.
A distracted hum, then confirmation, “The hour.”
“You should have killed me when you had the chance,” John says bluntly. “Killed us both.”
You gnash your teeth together, feeling the grind of bone inside your skull as you slink closer, taking it one stair at a time. Unhurried and precise. Just how John himself taught you.
Distantly, you hear Winston agree followed by muted footsteps against the gleaming floor. Is he moving away from John or towards him?
“In the years you’ve been away, Johnathan, I have come to learn that loyalty is a peculiar thing,” the manager muses, his voice thoughtful, but you hear the deliberateness he puts into each word he speaks. There is an odd quietness to his voice though—the type of you’ve only heard a handful of times. “Hard to earn, quick to break,” a long pause supersede those words and you come to a standstill as well, straining your ears. “But not always. It can sometimes be obtained by the most unlikely of individuals during the most unlikely of times.”
You’re not quite sure what exactly John gleans from those words but he does seem to take away something you miss. “You’re not stepping down, are you?”
“No,” Winston states evenly. “I don’t think I am.”
“So it’s war,” John declares, sounding just as bewildered as you feel, and you know it’s a rarity for him to let his emotions slip so easily. But this is… “You’re going to war with the High Table.”
Once you had joked about it. You were left cranky after yet another job for Tarasov, and had come back to the Continental worn after days of dealing with less than hospitable conditions. Winston had listened to your rant like usual.
What if I just killed Tarasov now?
Newspaper and brandy in hand, Winston’s reply had been unamused, You get killed.
Not if you help me. You and I, I bet we could take the Table on.
It was a joke back then. Nothing more than a throwaway, snarky remark you had made as a way to alleviate some pent up stress. A momentarily reprieve from the helplessness you’ve always felt in the face of your circumstances. It’s one of the few things that has helped you stay sane over the years.
It was long before you met the Elder and learned you could kill Tarasov without consequences once the debt was repaid.
It’s only now that you realise that Winston never did give you a response to that offhand statement. Joke or otherwise.
It’s only now that you stupidly realise that the idea of war shouldn’t surprise you at all. That perhaps deep in your bones you always knew there was a possibility of one.
Maybe Winston’s dedication to upholding rules and order always blinded you to the fact that despite that obedience he wasn’t afraid of them.
That which terrifies others—everyone, even you and John—has never affected the manager in the same manner.
He’s not afraid of the High Table. Or to move against them if he sees fit.
“I’ve made my decision. A long time ago now,” Winston remarks, and you edge closer, catching the first glimpse of him through the crack in the stairwell. “Back when I had to watch Charon carry a dying girl through the very halls of this fine establishment. A girl that you left behind. And now, it’s time for you to choose as well.”
Oh.
You’ve always privately considered Winston and Charon to be your family. One you weren’t quite allowed to have but chose for yourself despite how foolishly sentimental it was. A bond that was forged through years of knowing each other. Struggling together. Practically living together.
It never once crossed your mind that it was a feeling returned at least to some degree.
That alone makes you look at the entire conversation you’ve just heard in a new light.
“Choose what?”
Winston stands in front of John, his hand extended towards the assassin. In the manager’s weathered hand—a fine mockery of a week ago when he first declared you both Excommunicado, and even worse, of the Elder offering you the golden dagger at your side—sits a pistol.
The older man gives John a shrewd stare, and if you didn’t know any better you would say that he’s disappointed John is not catching on quicker.
“Oh, but you already know,” he states flatly, moving his hand in a vague motion. “It’s the same choice you’ve been struggling for the last five years now. Between who you are and who you wish to be. You kill me, you sell your soul to the Table.”
All you can see is the back of John’s head, his crop of black hair standing out like a dark spot against the glossy, blue tint of the lounge.
He thinks about Winston’s words for a bit.
“But I also live and remember Helen.”
Once those words might have caused a burn of pain but now all you feel is a nudge of sadness and a joyless sort of understanding. You’ve accepted the fact that there will always be a part of John that will always love Helen.
You’ve just hoped…
“Helen loved you, John. She truly did,” the manager agrees, something just a touch warmer to be heard in his intonation. “And you love her. You only came back because she was taken from you. But she’s also gone and she’s not coming back. You go ahead with this and you lose V forever, and I know that alone is stopping you.”
There is a scathing sort of finality to the last part and John’s slightly lowered head lifts.
“So I guess my question to you, then, is who do you wish to die as?” Winston asks though it does sound like a fine line between an inquiry of genuine curiosity and an authoritative demand. “Baba Yaga. The living nightmare and the last thing so many have seen. The servant of the High Table. Or as a man who was—and likely still is—loved by two wonderful women.”
John doesn’t move or say anything. That heaviness hangs across his shoulders, burdening him with yet another choice.
The problem is the fact that what you told him back at the desert still applies.
You don’t trust his word. You’ve been burned too harshly by recent events to do so.
With that in mind, you drop your guise, walking the remainder of the stairs with deliberate heaviness. Purpose.
Both men turn at the sound of your advancing footsteps. The former’s expression lightens, a clever gleam catching your eye. John looks weary, almost like he’s readying himself for another battle, another storm that is your raging fury.
You have little appetite for that though.
Too much is going on right now. The Elites could be battling against the Female Lover and the Black Dragon’s men right now. You need to find Lucien and figure out a way to keep him here. Inform the High Table. Find out who started this hunt in the first place. Who knows about Chicago.
“Winston.”
A slight smile ghosts over the manager’s face. “Welcome home.”
It hurts.
Because it feels so good to hear him say that. To feel welcome and missed. Even if you know it’s as much about drawing that line in the sand for John—an unspoken You vs Us.
John doesn’t fail to take count of the blade in your hand, neither does Winston.
A suspended kind of silence shrouds you three. If John really thinks that you will let him—
Footsteps.
You all turn in the direction of a tall, graceful figure clad in all black moving briskly down the steps.
The icy blue stare and black, short-cropped hair are all unfamiliar to you.
“Mr Wick and Miss Vipress,” the newcomer greets in a cool and collected manner, gripping a pair of leather gloves in one hand. “It is a pleasure to finally meet you both. I’m an Adjudicator.”
Shit. Of course they are. It makes sense for one to come and adjudicate the hotel after John shot Santino at practically point-blank range inside these very walls.
The hour.
Winston overstepped his position by offering you that hour. By helping you and John out.
Now he’s paying for it.
When neither you nor John say anything in return, their head slants in Winston’s direction, unperturbed. “Have you decided to step down?”
You would think they’re asking if the cookies are ready to come out of the oven. Their voice is as empty as their stare despite the gravity of their question. But the Adjudicators are often cold and distant. Dedicated to upholding the rules of the High Table even more so than the hotel managers are. To expect pity or mercy from one never bodes well.  
Winston greets that indifference by no less bored, “I don’t think I will.”
A quick tilt of their chin—offended, critical—and they turn towards John instead.  
“And you?” they demand, a notable sharpening to their tone. “Will you be pulling a bullet in his head?”
You tense at those words, your body instinctively moving in front of the manager.  
John’s ponderous scrutiny falls on you but you don’t take your attention away from the Adjudicator. Is what Winston said true? Are you really the only thing John still has left to lose?
You’re not sure if—
“No,” he says, quiet but resolute. “I don’t think I will.”
The High Table representative examines you three with a flicker of disbelief as well as irritation. You can’t help but wonder if this is the first time they encountered such blatant dismissal of their authority.
“So be it.”
They turn on their heels creating at least several meters in distance between you. A phone appears in their hand and they dial, bringing the phone to their ear with an effortless air of superiority.
All you manage to catch from where you stand is the very end of the conversation. “The Continental Hotel, New York,” an imposing proclamation followed by swift damnation. “Deconsecrated.”
The Adjudicator spins towards them, approaching leisurely as they gave each of you a measured, speculative look.
“This institution has hereby been deconsecrated,” they state flatly, appraising you all with aloof, disinterested air. Like you have just become less than human in their eyes and nothing more than trash to be taken out. “As such business may now be conducted on Continental grounds. Since you are refusing to step down,” they continue, their tone icy and pointed glaring digging into Winston, then John, “And you are refusing a direct order, your lives are now forfeited.”
Much to your surprise, the Adjudicator’s bright eyes come to rest on you next. “It is my advice to you Miss Vipress that you vacate the premises immediately,” they warn but the words lack much care aside from mild impartiality. “The High Table emissaries will be joining you shortly to see to the removal of your souls from the property,” they add to the two men on either side of you.
The Black Dragon men.
With that, the Adjudicator turns to go but your voice halts them before they take further than a step, “This hotel is my home,” you profess tightly, something slippery and raw in that string of words. An old ache; a new longing. Ironlike, unshakeable conviction shines the brightest though. “If you want it, you will have to take it over my cold, dead body.”
Another tilt of chin that makes you think reptile; coldblooded and dispassionate. “That can be arranged.”
A snarl pulls your lips back. “Can it?” you wonder, your words soft but deliberate. “You may wish to double-check that.”
The Adjudicator visibly pauses at that, and it’s the first sign of uncertainty you glimpse in their armour. The first time it takes them a moment to settle on their next course of action. Faint sourness lines their dignified features while they study you, considering your words no doubt.
“Good evening to you.”
Your glare is hot enough that you’re surprised the Adjudicator doesn’t catch on fire the moment their back is turned to you—and rather bold of them to turn their back on two master assassins after what they’ve just done—and your fingers itch.
John’s fingers snap around your wrist, holding firm and stilling your rising hand. “Don’t.”
The red haze lifts and you relax your jaw. It’s only after he sees your posture loosen that he releases his grip, his fingertips lingering against your inner wrist as if savouring the contact.
On your right, Winston heaves a weary sigh. “This haven is safe no more.”  
Your eyes lower and you try to process what’s just happened.
Continental is the only sanctuary you’ve ever known—the only one you’ve ever needed—and something in your gut churns. It’s a deadly, potent mix that makes you force a calming breath.
John breaks the silence first—a rarity, but you suppose this week has been full of those. “Are the services still off-limits to us?”
Winston looks to you first, taking you in, and you wonder what he finds in your no doubt murderous expression and blazing glare. Every muscle coiled tight and ready to spring.
Destruction hums in your blood, screaming for retribution and you want to indulge in it.
They should be terrified of you, the Elder’s voice reminds you.
“Considering the fact that V’s Excommunicado was lifted minutes prior and this interesting change in circumstances…”
He fades off for a moment, giving you both another thoughtful look that tells you he’s fully appreciating who exactly is about to stand in defence of his hotel. “What do you need?”
NF3 NC6.
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You’re a statue rooted at Winston’s side.
The four of you—John, you, Winston and Charon—wait for the elevator to grind to a halt, Cheeseburger sitting patiently between you and John. Ever the loyal companion.
“We have another problem,” you declare with a subdued sigh, dragging your eyes over the metal cubicle you’re trapped in. Even years later the fear of being a trapped animal unable to escape hasn’t quite faded from memory.
The manager clicks his tongue in reply, leading you all out of the elevator and towards the massive vault door sitting at the end of a short hallway. Guards—what few cemented their loyalty to the hotel and Winston himself—dot the length of it, watchful and awaiting their orders.
“Splendid,” the man shoots back dryly. “Not like we have plenty of those already.”
“The Male Lover is here,” you inform him, ignoring his snark. “He followed me.”
Winston’s mouth curves downwards at that. He places his hand on a palm scanner, waiting. “As expected,” he offers in return, his tone challenging. “Your next move?”
“He knows something that he shouldn’t,” you answer promptly, fiddling with your fingers. John and Charon are silent behind you but you know they’re also missing a lot of context behind the conflict, especially the former. “About Chicago. I intend to find out how and from whom. Then…”
Well.
Your plan till about ten minutes ago was to capture him and keep him here. Feed him to the High Table. Exact your justice by other means.
Now though...
It’s war.
The hotel has been stripped of its immunity. People are on the way to kill Winston and John. Charon by default. Even the staff if they get in the way, though the order to evacuate has been sounded already.
If you stand with them you, too, become an enemy.
The choice is simple. Easier than most things in your life have been, and it sits right in your gut.
If the High Table wants the manager standing in front of you, they will have to go through you first. And you’re capable of unleashing a lot of damage before they ever manage to get close enough to touch him.
But this also means that there will be no divine justice at the end. By the decree of the Adjudicator, people can now spill blood freely between these walls. There’s nothing stopping Lucien from attacking you anymore. Nor will he miss such an opportunity.  
A confrontation between you two can only end one way now.
“Then I deal with him,” you finally mutter, your jaw locking with resolute firmness.
An eyebrow quirked, Winston gestures inside, going straight for the drinks cabinet. You head right without prompting, going for a very special compartment safe built into one of the wall’s inside the vault.
You’ve had it installed years ago gradually filling it full with the passage of months and then years.
Not wasting time, your palm settles on the scanner, ignoring the code pad entirely. A beep sounds and a muted green light bathes your skin a second later. A hiss follows and then—
“That’s…impressive.”
John’s voice behind you should not surprise you—and it doesn’t—but it does make you tense. Shrugging, you risk a glance in his direction to see what he makes of your collection. The quiet, impressed way his eyes drag over each shelf betrays both his surprise, and even a shade of wariness.
Vials upon vials all line the massive cabinet of three separate compartments folding outwards—custom made just for this. Labels hug each vial neatly, all of them lined up in an orderly fashion based on use and colour. The rest of the cabinet houses some of your rarest and most expensive ingredients. Carefully hidden in the most secure location you can think of—or it was till about fifteen minutes ago.
“It took me a while,” you admit though the tension in your tone and body don’t ebb away. “A lot of trial and error. And throwing up.”
You’ve been your own best guinea pig over the years, and have suffered a great deal for it. But it has also given you something no one before has been able to achieve: immunity. To most of these dark, dangerous creations of yours.
Your prized collection of at least a hundred vials makes even Baba Yaga pause and consider. See you differently no doubt.
The truth is that the sheer magnitude of the horrors and devastation this collection could unleash is unprecedented. Unrivalled by all with the exception of but one man.
And no one knows it exists apart from the people in this room and Santino. The High Table suspects something of this nature exists, you know that. Hence their insistence on you being unable to remove anything from the hotel after your Excommunicado.
“I should have told you,” John speaks up, his lips parted and tone deep, tired. “About my task. I just…”
“Knew that if you told me neither of us would have left that desert?” you guess. “Yeah, I kinda figured that.”
You understand his angle. His reason for not saying anything too. There’s just one thing that’s been bothering you since you learned about it.
“Did...did the Elder forbid you from telling me?”
John’s expression creases. “No,” he admits slowly. “But he reminded me that your forgiveness is rarer than water in the desert, and rage fiercer than the sun.”
You can almost hear that echoed in the Elder’s gentle, accented voice. Staring at the vials, you force some of them out, rolling them in your palm experimentally as you start assembling your weapons swiftly.
The task makes sense. Winston did something he shouldn’t have. Punishing him would be expected like it was with you and John. Manager or no, he’s not all-powerful.
But the thought that the Elder still knowingly told John to remove Winston stings. Deeply. He knows full well what the older man means to you.
Realising that you have nothing else to say, John steps away but you hear the reluctance in his steps when he walks away.
But all this can wait. The looming threat is the first order of business. You can’t afford any distractions, so this, too, gets shoved behind a wall. Locked tight. You can catch a moment later. Process everything that’s happened in this last week.
Charon’s lulling voice describes the change in the Black Dragon ranks to John—armour improvements, weapon improvements, more robust training. You listen with half an ear. They’ve gotten better with years, deadlier. They will not be an easy target but staring at all the vials out in the open fully and at your disposal makes your mouth twist into a cold, cruel smile.
Let them come.
You will make corpses of them all.
With that thought in mind, you arm yourself to the teeth, locking a belt around the curve of your hips. Blades slot easily against your body, vials of poison and canisters of gas following. Next, come pistols with spare clips and enough bullets to take down a small army. Fitting, considering that’s most likely what you are likely to face. You thoroughly check each pistol, removing the magazines, and making sure safety is on all of them. Double-checking there’s no jamming, either.
Once you’re comfortably armed you pull out two small needles, filling both with a small dosage of different colour solutions. You prepare more but focus on the two first.  
Charon and John are still getting prepped, arming themselves just as intently while Winston sits calmly on a luxurious leather sofa observing them. Cheeseburger lays beside him on the sofa, his ears slightly perked as he watches everyone in the room.
Charon is closer so you hand him the needle wordlessly, knowing that he’s more than aware of what it is. Moving closer to John, you note the concentration with which he adds each spare magazine into his own utility belt, a deep pinch between his brows. This lethal focus means that you’re about to lose the John you know. Once Baba Yaga arrives there will be nothing but destruction left behind.
Something in your chest is ready to do the same. You almost crave it. Like everything has been building too quickly and now you feel at a breaking point ready to unleash.
Moving swiftly, you stab a needle into John’s neck, feeling him jerk and snap his fingers around your arm just like he did earlier. His grip is harsher, his fighter instincts kicking in. This time he’s not trying to stop you from attacking anyone but himself.
Rising an unimpressed eyebrow, you remove the needle from his neck, and John sways, scowling in your direction.
“Ow. What was that?” he demands quietly, no doubt recalling the last time he had a run-in with your creations.
“A little concoction that will, hopefully, give you immunity from most things in my arsenal temporarily,” you tell him calmly, near monotonous. “Unless you prefer dissolving into an immobile puddle the moment my paralyser comes out?”
John’s brows hitch, his eyes narrowing marginally, and his chin slants. “You enjoyed that,” he states dryly.
Blinking, you feel your lips quirk in an infinitesimal smile, blinking innocently up at him. “No idea what you’re talking about,” you demure pleasantly. John stares at you blankly and your small smile quivers, widening. “Okay, fine. I totally enjoyed that.”
A tiny quirk of his own mouth follows and it feels strangely nostalgic, near bittersweet, because it’s like years ago again. Just you two getting ready for yet another job together, you teasing him or firing questions at him. He’s always been patient with you. It was a kindness you never once took for granted. You were so alone, so lost, and he’d been the only harbour you had.
Despite his flaws, despite his mistakes, in many ways, John will always be that. It’s the one thing you never see changing.
You still miss that ease you once shared. Sometimes remnants of it appear, like now, and it just makes it harder.
But reminiscing now is a fool's errand.
Instead, you reach for another blade mounted on the wall behind him and bend your knee, slotting it against the special opening in your boot. He doesn’t take his gaze away from you as you do that, and you straighten, waiting to see if he will say anything else. He doesn’t. That almost makes you smile again. Typical.
Nodding at him, you look towards Charon instead, pulling out several vials, “For the guards,” you state seriously, your ease evaporating, and he takes them without a word. “Make sure they inject themselves at least five minutes before heading out just in case. It’s going to be a nasty toxic cocktail one way or another. You already know what to do.”
A firm nod. “Certainly, Miss.”
Satisfied, you walk past them heading towards the manager who watches you curiously as you approach. Cheeseburger raises his head at once, his tail wagging at your proximity. Your fingers brush over his head, petting him, and you hold another vial for Winston to take.
Nothing to do with protection and everything to do with arming him. Which, you suppose, is its own type of protection.
He stares at you blankly, a glass of what you only assume is brandy gripped securely in his hand.
“Oh, I sincerely hope you’re joking.”
He sounds completely incredulous and you roll your eyes.
“Precautions,” you shoot back, twisting the poison vial between your fingers and holding the entire length of it out to him. “Your wisdom, remember?”
“And you think that if they somehow manage to get through you, Jonathan, Charon and the guard, as well as at least two tons of metal, that will stop them?”
“No,” you answer honestly. “But it will make me feel better if you have it.”
Winston heaves a sigh, shaking his head but takes the vial all the same, leaning back in his seat. A single eyebrow lifts as if to say satisfied? and you fight back a groan. Why can no one in your life make things easy for you? Just once?
You part your lips, a playful remark on your tongue, only for distinct thudding to sound from above. It’s faint, barely audible, but you all freeze at the sound of it.
Your eyes drag towards the ceiling, just as Winston’s voice sounds, “Charon, would you be so kind as to welcome our new guests?”
The concierge strolls briskly towards the fuse control box, pushing one of the levers down with a deafening click.
Upstairs, you know the hotel has been plunged into darkness before emergency lights come into operation.
“Let's go.”
You reach for the last few things you can get your hands on, your focus narrowing down to tunnel vision.
“You will do the Continental proud,” Winston states, sounding so sure you can’t help but lift your head in his direction from your last minute prep. “Both of you.”
Your heart jolts painfully but you nod in acknowledgement all the same. Charon returns the gesture as well.
“And Johnathan?”
The assassin halts at his name, looking towards the manager in an unspoken question. “Do what you do best. Hunt.”
The four of you share a long, leaden moment before John moves first, followed by you. The vault door whirls close behind you, securing Winston and Cheeseburger inside, but you refuse to look back.
You will see them both soon.
Splitting at the mouth of the hallway, you watch Charon lead the guards down a different path while you and John take the elevator. Divide and attack on two fronts. John will be their main target first, then you.
The man beside you is as still as death, his body relaxed but senses alert. John doesn’t fidget, hardly blinks, everything about him is steady and tranquil. Just standing near him feels electric.
“Just like old times.”
His faint words startle you. A large machine gun in his hands, the black suit, an unforgiving stare—he looks near godly, as always, and you blink in his direction. Your tongue drags over your lower lip, pensive, and when you glance back at him you see John’s eyes jump up from your mouth.
“Just like old times,” you agree softly.
You’re not sure what he sees when he looks at you. You would like to think he sees someone who exceeded his expectations for you all those years ago. Strong and unyielding.
You hope he sees an equal.
The lounge is painted with sickly green when the elevator crawls to a stop, and you both move like an extension of one another. Falling into a routine is easy because it’s instinct. The lounge is submerged in smoke, obscuring your vision so you both move silently through it, gauging the situation.
Raising your hand, you feel John slow beside you, his gun raised, covering you. Your eyes journey over the lounge, spotting blurry figures creeping through the space, trying to discover you no doubt. The black uniforms make anger simmer in your gut, gnawing on your self-control.
A hiss joins the fray of noise as you lightly roll your own gas canisters across the marble floor, your paralyser joining the smoke seamlessly.
You should really thank them. They just made this easier.
Now it’s just a matter of—
A gunshot booms behind you and you pivot on your knees, watching John tackle two men who have taken a route from behind, hidden from sight by large stone pillars.
Each man takes several bullets to take down and you frown at that. Through the darkness, you spot the heavy armour—heavier than you’ve seen them wear—as well as goddamn gas helmets on their heads.
Rising, you jog towards the bodies. John throws himself at the other approaching men and you yank on the helmet on the dead soldier’s head. It slips off relatively easily and you curse under your breath when you note what filters have been installed at the base of it.
They’re significantly better than the last time you faced off against them. This paralyser will be nothing more than an irritant at this rate.
They’ve come more than prepared.
They’ve come ready to skin the snake and hang her by that skin.  
Snarling, you hurl the helmet at another uniformed figure that rounds the column, his rifle raised, watching it crash against his head.
Two shots follow from your Glock but the man only stumbles back, and you leap at him, slotting the nozzle under his collar before firing again. A bullet slices clean through his neck, finally killing him. You slide a blade in your other hand, spinning it once. Scanning your surroundings, you take the other side so you and John work back to back even at the distance.
Gunshots explode ahead and you know that Charon has joined in the fray as well.  
Your displeasure morphs into anger and then outright fury with each dead body. It doesn’t take you long to realise that your weapons are too weak to handle this onslaught. The calibre too low. The helmets make the paralyser nothing more than a tickle down their throats and an ache in their eyes.
While that slows them somewhat, their armour is too good for a simple pistol fire. No matter how many bullets you may have at your disposal.
Slamming a knee into one man’s gut, you yank his body to one side. His body soaks up bullets his friends try to shoot at you and you pull back. A blade buries deep in his neck, you jerk the deadman again, feeling a splatter of hot liquid on your face when the blade cuts deeper into his skin.
Duck, yank, slice.
You tear through the throng of incoming soldiers but you’re slowed by the fact that each person takes too much effort to kill unless you get up close and personal. That in itself is tempting faith.
One bullet, one falter, that’s all it would take.  
A man charges at you when his gun clicks empty, and you block his punch, pistol-whipping him across the head. The contact rattles through your bones and you bare your teeth.
A slice so quick he doesn’t even register it follows before his throat opens.
Nothing but a wet gurgle slips free and gravity does the rest.
Another follows after that, and another and another. It’s chaos and darkness. The floor is slippery with blood but you push ahead your expression contorted with pure wrath.
They want to kill you, do they?  
Rules have drowned you for years now.
But right now—right this second—you’re still free of your chain.
And they have no idea what you can do.
Let me give you something to be afraid of.
With that thought racing through your mind, you turn and dash towards the elevator, slamming your hand against the button. It takes long—too long—but you know it will be worth it. Throwing yourself inside, you press the basement button over and over again, practically beating it.
The ride down seems to last an eternity as well.
You prowl inside the cubicle like a wild animal ready to spring free. So much so that the partition nearly breaks with the amount of strength you use to yank it backwards with.
“Winston!” you shout from the top of your lungs, slamming your palm repeatedly against the vault. “Let me in!”
There’s a reverberating click only moments later but you don’t wait for the hefty metal to open fully before you push inside, breathing harshly as you do.
Winston blinks slowly at the sight of you. “V?”
There is a question and a sharpness to his regard, and the wariness with which he takes you in should probably worry you. But you don’t answer him. Instead, you head straight for the cabinet. Your pulse pounding and a clamour inside your head leaving you partially deaf. To a point, both John’s and Charon’s returned presence back inside the vault scarcely registers.
A red haze clings to everything around you.
“V.”
Your knuckles are starting to swell again but after this, it won’t matter—
“V.”
“What do you want?” you hiss, each syllable acidic to a point it catches John off guard.
He mutely offers you a shotgun and something at the back of your brain recollects mentions of “armour piercing shells” but you shake your head.
“There’s still some left alive at the back, and they’re regrouping,” you say instead, trying to quell your temper. “I have something else for the second wave.”
He reads between the lines of your plan.
“I’m not leaving you alone to face them.”
Your head snaps in his direction, and you hold out a vial—smaller than others, rounder, filled with liquid that seems to be caught in a perpetual state of half-brown and half-red—in front of his face.
“This,” you begin tightly, your vocal cords straining from how hard you’re working to hold yourself back. “Is something that will kill them helmet or not. They should know better than to think that some cheap plastic will save them from me.”
You pull out two canisters of gas, shaking both as you look towards the air system. “Air filtering still on?”
“Minimal,” Winston returns, his voice dull, stare watchful. “Don’t let it consume you,” he reminds quietly after a pause.
Your grip momentarily falters at those words but that’s the only reaction he receives.
“Then I’ll do it the hard way.”
John intercepts you before you can take so much as a step, his minute unease now gone. “Why didn’t we open with that?”
You’re not sure why the hell he’s stalling now to ask you questions but you answer him despite that. “This is a diluted version of something I created a long time ago,” you tell them. “It wasn’t created to be used as a vapour. This is also the only vial I have, and it will take at least a month to create more. I was saving this for the eleventh hour because no matter how many are out there, they’re about all about to experience a quick but very painful death.”
You’re not quite sure what to make of what you glimpse across his features. Some turbulent mix of emotions he doesn’t seem to wish and explain. Day by day he learns the full extent of how you’re no longer that girl that walked away from him with tears streaming down her face.
This is what you are now. What you had to become.
You wait for a reaction, judgement, but John only steps aside, his voice a low rasp, “Be careful.”
You soften somewhat at the muted worry you hear in his voice. “You too,” you say with a sigh. “Go ahead. I’m grabbing one more canister of gas just in case. Don’t go anywhere near the lounge for the next ten minutes at least.”
Both men indicate their understanding, not bothering to question you further. And there is comfort in that, in their easy understanding and trust. They both can more than handle themselves but a distinct worry still gnaws on your entrails as you watch them leave. Lack of presence from the other guards no doubt means they’re all dead already.
So that leaves only you three.
Three vs a small army of highly trained fighters.
But not for long.
“V.”
“A little busy, Winston,” you stress while rummaging through different compartments. “Can it wait?”
Silence greets your words. Then, “If I asked for your trust. Your complete trust,” he begins purposely, his voice deceptively serene. “Would you give it to me?”
Your hands still and you stare blankly at your collection for a beat.
Straightening unhurriedly, you try to digest his words, and tilt your head in the manager’s direction.
It’s only when you note his expression that you realise something is very, very wrong.
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The lobby is a graveyard.
Both literal and figurative.
Bodies lay in heaps across the usually gleaming flooring, and you wait patiently while leaning against one of many marble columns.
Waiting you’ve gotten rather good at.
The poison sits in your hands, warmed by your palms, but still brimming that ugly dark shade despite now being transformed into a vapour. You’ve recreated two versions of The Drowning and haven’t used either since Chicago. That thought makes you glare at the ceiling above because the recollection of Rafael and Boutin still wounds.
The grandeur of the Continental never fails to impress you though. Not even years later. There is always something new to discover and admire.  
You’ve been waiting for at least five minutes now so when a creak sounds you don’t move at first. Muffled footsteps echo across the eerily quiet lobby, moving towards you.
But not from the direction of the entrance.
The louder the steps become the more obvious a secondary sound becomes as well.
Whistling.
Faint but melodic.
The familiarity of the tune causes you to stands straighter, focus on the melody.
Mr Sandman drifts through the air as a peculiar sort of goad; purposeful and sly.
“Oh, snakey,” a voice coos playfully, pausing the tune for a moment. “I know you’re hiding somewhere out here.”
Lucien.
Of course.
You’ve been expecting him to show up sooner rather than later. It’s good to know that you were right about him though. He wasn’t going to let you slip by him again. This time, you don’t want to, either. This time, you’re going to finish this.
You contemplate throwing the poison in his face but the High Table would not give up so easily. John and Charon might be cleaning up the remainder of the first wave one shotgun shell at the time but a second wave is guaranteed and soon. Logically they would want to try and overwhelm you. They’re hoping to wear you out.
“Come out, come out wherever you are,” Lucien calls out in a sing-song drawl, his footsteps slowing to a point they fade entirely. “Don’t make me find you. You’re not going to enjoy that scenario.”
“Who says I’m hiding?”
You round the column, finding his thin, solitary figure in the middle of the lobby immediately. The dark green light seems to only emphasize his gaunt frame and you take a step closer, then another.
How clever of him to wait until your paralyser is fully dispelled from the air before he came seeking you out.  
His head lowers, deepening the shadows under his eyes. “Did your guard dogs run away?” he wonders mockingly, his voice carrying. “Good, they were getting in the way.”
“Of what?”
“Our dance, of course,” he retorts, a shade angry like you should know better. “One last dance and the truth. Oh, if only you knew but you don’t. No point in secrets now though.”
You scoff, both of you watching each other as you draw nearer. “You like hearing yourself talk, don’t you, Lucien?”
The blonde assassin bares his teeth at the sound of his name—dangerous and macabre, dripping with heinous amusement—and he gazes at you for a moment. Something flickers over his shoulder—
“Not at all actually,” he states overly calm. “But you’re not the only one to have your life stolen. Maybe it’s about time you realised that,” he divulges, his voice softening into something as hateful as it is eager. Like whatever he thought he knew, he couldn’t wait to impart on you. “I’ll be waiting for you, viper.”
You aim the poison at his head, hurling it through the air with every fibre of your strength.
Lucien ducks, sliding across the floor at near blinding speed, and disappearing behind the armchairs and from your sight.
It’s at that moment that the Black Dragon’s men burst through the lobby door, their guns raised.
Following his example, you dash behind the column, an explosion of bullets following a split second later.
Rubble splinters under the abuse and you turn, avoiding the crumbling stone.
One, two, three…
This time your poison doesn’t escape in an unassuming tickle of vapour. No, this time it’s an impact of a small explosive going off, and it’s a matter of one, two, three before muffled screams and groans replace the gunfire.
Arching your back against the ruined stone, you allow your head to tip back, watching the ceiling thoughtfully. You wait till gunfire completely cuts out before moving. Then, you stride from behind the column studying the effects with a mix of cold detachment.
Your own nose and lungs ache uncomfortably—just a show of how potent the formula really is—but you don’t take your attention away from the dying soldiers. They’re more of a heap at this point, their gas masks that they no doubt were so sure would keep them safe now virtually useless.
It’s a quick but brutal affair.
Wet sounds and sobs of pain. Then, like dominoes falling, the men still one by one.
They might be only obeying orders, but they came to kill the only family you have and take your home, and you find yourself feeling little to no pity for them.
The haze is gone now, leaving the lobby even more chillingly silent than earlier.
Lucien is nowhere in sight.
You would have preferred if the poison got him but didn’t hold out much hope that it would. He’s too good and far too fast.
I’ll be waiting for you.
He will grow to regret those words.
Stepping over the bodies, you approach the spot you saw the blonde last, heading in the direction of the only corridor he could have gone down.
Glock aimed ahead, your movements are utterly silent, deadly. No matter how deep into the hotel you head, he seems to be nowhere in sight, however. This time, clearly, he wants you to look for him.
Corridor by corridor you find nothing. Then floor by floor. You know this hotel far better than Lucien does. If he really assumes he can hide from you here he’s sorely mistaken.
Gunfire rips through the air and you pause, tightening your grip on the pistol. Little by little, you decrease the distance just as a hush falls up ahead.
John’s dark hair is what you glimpse first and instinctively relax seeing that it’s him.
“John.”
The man turns towards the call of his name, and you squint at him, approaching cautiously. “Why are you wet?”
John breaths are laboured, rattling from his lungs in shallow pants, making his chest expand with each inhale. “Zero’s men.”
“The Male Lover found me too,” you tell him and you both fall into step. “Missed out on the poison party, unfortunately.”
The man at your side glances you over once—a completely wordless but attentive examination—and you huff a small breath, amused.
“I’m fine.”
You’ve forgotten how much of a mother hen he could be without saying a single word.
At least you’re a little calmer now after your previous display of explosive fury.
He seems to accept your words, and you both step into the elevator for what feels like the hundredth time in a span of only several hours.
You know what logic John is following though. Both Lucien and Zero have likely hidden up on the higher levels for two reasons.
More places to hide.
And they’re less likely to encounter any poison on the higher floors.
Leaning your shoulder heavily against the cool metal, you peer at the man only arm’s length away. Baba Yaga stands with his shoulders slumped and expression enervated. Yet he’s standing despite that. His gaze still burns with a fierce sort of determination.  
That might have been one of the first things you’ve fallen in love with—that determination and will. Followed by his often unspoken kindness.
What won’t you give for things to be different.
Going up the floors proves to be the right of course action the moment the elevator stops.
John throws himself against one side of the metal cubicle, and you do the same when a bullet whistles through the partition, piercing the metal where John’s head just was.
Pushing your hand out, you fire blindly, hearing shuffling in response, and use the distraction to peek your head over the edge. John does the exact same thing and you both fire simultaneously, hitting two men. John in the head. You in the chest. Neither moves.
Shoulders hunched and tense, you move in unison, and you conclude instantaneously that this is clearly a trap to draw you in deeper. Laying a path for you to follow until the trap springs shut.
Eyeing each other, you both move ahead despite that shared conclusion.
It doesn’t matter much now. You may only have the single magazine, and one vial of paralyser left on you after butchering your way through an entire hoard of soldiers, but it won’t matter.
There is a nagging thought at the back of your mind that you should ask about Charon but now isn’t the time for that, either. The concierge is likely back with Winston by now.  
There is a ruthless strategy to how you remove Zero’s men. One by one, shoulder to shoulder, and know that these men are afraid. That they know deep in their heart of hearts that they won’t survive the fight before it even begins but they still try. They’re strong and fast. A legacy of hard training and cruel discipline no doubt. But John is stronger and you are faster.
In many ways, they remind you of those soldiers from years ago who ambushed you in that freezing Tokyo alleyway.
Your bullets run out by the time you return to the administrative lounge. All you have on you now are two blades, paralyser, and Elder’s dagger, tucked away and out of sight. Both blades have been christened with blood two floors ago, and John is down to his bare hands.
It would put most at a disadvantage but not him. If anything, his ruthlessness only seems to grow.
But something is different this time.
Three main differences, really.
First, a jovial whistle of Mr Sandman floating through the air.
Second, three dead men that you recognise as Zero’s and finally…
Lucien leans again a glass case housing an old relic, his hands covered in blood and the tip of his blade scratching at his nail. There’s at least a few dozen of these glass cases littering the room, an old passion of Winston’s, and quite the point of pride for him. Some artifacts locked away here are worth a lot of money. Frowning deeply, you stall, drilling holes into his figure.
Lucien knows you’re here but doesn’t acknowledge you right away. He continues humming, seemingly set on finishing the tune before his head dips lazily in your direction.
“Run along, Mr Wick,” he says bluntly, his face splattered with blood. “This is between me and the viper.”
The man beside you makes a small sound at the back of his throat, near disbelieving, but you cut him off before he can speak, still staring at Lucien, “Go, John,” you say calmly. “He’s right. We have unfinished business, as do you.”
John’s stare burns into the side of your head but you don’t explain further than that. This is not his fight. You’re no longer in need of his shadow and in need of his protection.
Still, he doesn’t move right away, and you hear him audibly inhale as if he needs to say something but can’t force the words out.
You’re about to repeat yourself but he finally steps to the side, taking a path around Lucien and the dead guards. His gait is slow. He’s practically staggering because you can sense his reluctance but the fact that he listens does make you feel a tinge of satisfaction.
A part of you wants to look towards him as he disappears down the hall but you don’t.  
Lucien peers at you with a strange little smile on his face all the while, waiting till John’s footsteps fully retreat until his limbs shift. He’s still smiling faintly but you’re in no urge to finish this, so you’re fine with letting him play his games, waiting and watching.
“Had your fun?” you wonder, bored, gesturing towards the dead men at his feet.
Lucien cranes his neck, pushing away from the glass with a swiftness that makes you tense. He chuckles at your reaction, stepping over them like they’re nothing more than dirt under his boot.
“Oh, that was just a little warm-up,” he says brightly that faint, unsettling smile still lingering, and you can’t help but wonder what his deal is. He seems awfully cheery. It makes for a strange contrast to your last few run-ins. And his previous words, implying his own looming demise. “You kept me waiting. Don’t tell me you’re getting slow.”
Smiling, you too move in his direction, limbs relaxed, a peaceful hush over your body. “Are you hoping to talk me to death?”
“Now, now,” he mutters icily. “No need to be quite so rude. I just want a dance.”
Your smile splits into something bleaker, more cold-blooded, and you circle each other. Pale blue light dances across Lucien’s sharp features. A snap of jaws, a growl—there is something animalistic about the wordless exchange between you. Something brittle, a string being yanked upon repeatedly until one of you finally gives in.
Lucien leaps first.
Your knives are short, certainly not created for duelling but the clank of metal pierces the air as you both meet in the middle. Your exhausted muscles snap, tensing, coiling.
He swipes his elbow in your direction but you duck just in time, a whistle of wind tickling your temple.
Arms twisting, you both ignore the screech of metal, you punching him in the jaw while he gets you in the ribs. Gasping, you stagger back, ignoring the numbing pain. Time has dulled the memory of how hard he manages to hit if the hits land.
Lucien springs towards you again, his face contorted, lips stretched back. This time your arms are tucked at your sides and you greet his attack. Your knees knock but you manage to push him back. A swipe of your blade is your reply but he careens out of the way and you kick at him instead. He catches your knee, staggering back from the impact, and he grins at you wildly. A slight cut against the corner of his mouth bubbles up, spilling blood over his front teeth. It paints the white bone canvas with diluted scarlet.
“You didn’t answer my question earlier,” he says conversationally, and you try to sink your knife into his chest but he shoves you back. You stumble but stay upright, exhaling shakily at the pain across your ribs. “If he missed you.”
Ignoring him, you roll the blades between your fingers, drooping lower as you unleash one quick swipe after another.
Lucien lurches backwards, his expression tightening in concentration. He manages to stay out of the way, just barely. So you push him backwards till you’re back by the bodies, and the man drops to the floor so suddenly you’re left staring at empty air until your mind catches up.
He rolls across the floor, a blur of his golden hair and dark clothes the only visible thing, and you realise a second too late as to why.
A blade lays by one of the dead men covered in blood as well. You have no idea how he managed to take down three men with a minimum of two katanas at their disposal. But there’s no time to contemplate that because this time you’re the one throwing yourself backwards.
Lucien swipes the katana in a deadly arc.
His hair mused, face bloodied and a grin on his face, he gazes at you for a second. Your grip on your blades constricts.
“I wondered for years what was so special about you,” he reveals mildly, tipping his chin upwards, pulling the blade closer towards his body as he stands. “I fucking hated you, viper. Viper. I suppose that’s one of many titles for you, isn’t it? John Wick’s protege, the Vipress, the Italian’s whore, the Russian’s Viper, Lady Camorra. Honestly doesn’t your head…hurt from it all? Or does it add to your ego?”  
He spins the katana in the air, rolling his wrist—experienced and at ease, the blade like an extension of his arm. Your senses pinprick at that assessment, knowing he just made this much harder for you.
“Did the way he used to call you his desert viper make you feel powerful?” he wonders suddenly, tracing his index finger up the curve of the metal. “Gave you a sense of importance? It must have felt thrilling to be such an exception to the most powerful man in the world.”
Something inside your chest stills.
Lucien drags his eyes in your direction, watching you closely over the edge of the blade.
“My, you really do have no idea, do you?” he continues slyly, his expression slackening with amusement; malicious, wild kind that causes you to bristle. “None. Your life is, ah, what is the expression again? A hot mess, non? Oh, snakey, I thought you could be the one to teach me a lesson I failed to learn all those years ago, but your ignorance is truly disappointing.”
He cuts the air with the blade, lowering it back to his side, and you bite out a chilly, “What the hell are you talking about?”
He tuts, wagging his index finger in your direction, his grin fluttering like he’s trying to contain a laugh bubbling inside his chest.
“I kept telling you but you just don’t listen, do you?” he wonders with a click of his tongue. “I told you we were the same. Forged by the same violence. Alike in ways you failed to understand. Now, why do you think I would say that?”
You don’t respond, instead, you push yourself backwards, launching your full mass at him. Lucien greets you with a chuckle—a cold, hollow sound, teetering on manic just like the rest of him—his katana managing to absorb the impact of your shorter dual blades.  
“Tokyo, Chicago, Prague, the Albanians, the summit, us—did you really think it was all, what exactly, one funny coincidence?” he asks jovially, and a distinct chill sinks into your bones at his words, forcing you to pull yourself backwards, and dive for the other blade on the ground.
He lets you. Doesn’t bother trying to stop you, and you grip the handle in a knuckle tight grip, creating some distance between you once more. Again, he lets you, examining you with a dark but curious light gleaming in his eyes. Like you’re a lab rat he’s conducting a study on. His question rattles through your head and you squint at him.  
“You never even questioned it, did you?” he continues, his voice airy with disbelief, a joke that seems to entertain him endlessly. He’s lost interest in the fight between you for a moment, prowling across the gleaming floor but in no hurry to attack. This, clearly is more important to him. “The water, the tunnels, the darkness. A repeating pattern. All carefully put together to test you. Over and over and over again. And you exceeded his every expectation. Every challenge thrown at you, you triumphed. And even if you did wonder at the back of your mind, you never once were made to believe that someone else was pulling the strings all along. Think, snake. Think.”
You’re not sure if you’re still breathing.
What…
No…
No, it doesn’t…
It’s not possible. It…can’t…
Your head is empty and you gasp for breath but your lungs feel blocked, your throat locked.
Lucien attacks in a blur.
You just barely manage to muster up the speed to block him, a piercing screech of metal against metal. Your arms buckle under his strength and he kicks you, catching you in the gut. One, two—
A muffled curse slips free, everything spinning, and he grabs the spare blade in your hand, throwing it away.
Parrying for control, you attempt a punch at his head but it’s too slow and sloppy. He catches your fist, bending your arm at a sharp angle. You relax it as per your old training to avoid broken tendons or bones. The katana slips from your hand and you growl under your breath, your free hand managing to form a fist.
A punch to his gut hits him quicker than a snake bite. Brutally efficient, impacting the exact same spot you gutted him only weeks prior.
Lucien grunts. Swears. His teeth gleam, still tinged by blood and you feel his hot breath on your face. Death and decay and—
You’re too misbalanced that you don’t notice it fast enough.
Lucien kicks you in the stomach with enough strength to send you flying.
A second of weightlessness enfolds you and then comes the crash.
Glass shatters upon contact and you muffle a cry of pain, feeling glass explode and rain down around you. Hitting the floor with a deafening thud, you stay there for a while, everything ringing and blurred around you.
A feeble moan escapes you, pained and strangled.
You attempt to shake your head, your fingers twitching against the glass covered floor.
“Tokyo was just the beginning,” Lucien’s muffled voice sounds like you’re underwater and you groan, weakly tilting your head to spot his approaching legs. Glass crunches under his boots and you try to desperately block out his words. “He’s always been on the lookout for new members to join his inner circle. Best of the best. And he’s always paid close attention to poisoners like you. Tokyo was just a nudge to see what you were made of. But you didn’t break and it escalated too far. Do you know what the Elder did after you escaped? Why you never heard from Kishi’s little group again? It wasn’t because of Wick. It was because the Elder had the entire clan killed. Just that easily. Because they disobeyed him.”
“No, no…”
It can’t be true.
It can’t.
He has to be lying. It doesn’t make any sense…
Except…it does.
“Did you never ask yourself why Tarasov didn’t simply turn you into another whore or sell you?” he demands harshly. “Later, I imagine, it was a certain degree of fear of you. But initially, it was because of the Elder’s will. Even if all Viggo Tarasov knew back then was that the Table willed it so.”
You focus on your core, trying to get yourself to move but Lucien speeds up his approach, kicking you in the stomach.
Pain blinds you and you roll across the floor. Your forehead connects with the glass, your left eyebrow splitting on impact. You don’t realise it at first—not till numbness is replaced by a sensation of something wet trailing down your face.
Droplets of fresh blood hit the crushed glass beneath you, and you crawl ahead with a pained gasp.
“Next—and my personal favourite—Chicago,” Lucien narrates loudly, his voice echoing through the large space. You hear him behind you but utter shock wins out, locking your limbs, leaving you a frail mess on the ground for him to prey upon. A part of you wants to roar, another wants to cry. Your training battles against the yawning abyss you keep slipping down with each horrifying word. “Who do you think fed the father-son wonder duo their information? Why do you think you were taken to an underground facility that was spitting image of Tokyo? Why not just kill you and D’Antonio outright? Boutin thought he was getting a special task but the truth was that he had long since outlived his use. The Elder fed both Boutin and his son to you to see what you would do. Black Dragon and D’Antonio were just pawns to hide the real test.”
The highway. The way they just kept attacking but not trying to kill you. It was to see how long you will last.
You want to be sick, a dry heave bubbling past your lips, every word crushing you harder, harder, harder—
“And, once again, you did perfectly but not without a loose end,” he sneers, venturing closer, step by step, as is savouring your reaction. “He also knew that the fear of being found out will make you more compliant. Wasn’t it peculiar that he summoned you right after you returned to New York? It’s almost like he…knew. Well, he did. He always has.”
Biting your tongue, you try to push yourself up on your elbows.
Ignore him, don’t listen, don’t—
“Prague. Again. Poison that made you struggle,” he reveals, his voice pitching towards impatience now. “The syndicate that took your Italian had no prior conflicts with Camorra and for a reason. Another test and punishment. More pieces for you to remove.”
Santino was taken for no reason. Right after your return from the desert. Cognitionis had no former alterations with Camorra up until that point. They were far too small to ever risk the wrath of a powerhouse like Camorra. They hadn’t even made demands which struck you as so odd back then but you had chalked it up to them wanting to prove a point.
A poison the heir was poisoned with was sophisticated and took some time to reverse-engineer. So long, in fact, that Santino nearly died.  
“Albanians. Same thing,” Lucien voices harshly, punctuating every word. He’s gotten so close that when the second kick comes the pain is distant, muted. Because what he’s betraying is so, so much worse. “It wasn’t Camorra that started the conflict. It was made to seem that way. Tarasov was cautioned to keep a close eye on you. To a point he forbade you from helping Camorra, right? And what did you do after that, snakey?” he demands, bending down and yanking you upwards by the back of your neck.
He pulls you towards him and more blood trails down your face. Lucien’s narrowed eyes search for something in your expression, and he smiles faintly when he spots it. “That’s right. It’s all starting to click, isn’t it?”
Tarasov forbade you from helping Camorra, from helping Santino. It was the first time you ever talked back to him. First time you ever conjured up enough courage to do so.
And then, furious and upset, you ran. Straight to Casablanca. And nearly back to the man who always expected—knew, he fucking knew, planned for it—for you to come back to him.
It’s what he wanted from the start and it would have been your choice.
No forced loyalty.
You will always lose, and it will always lead you back to me.
Oh God.
If Santino had come just half a day later you won’t even be here right now. You would be with him, at his side, and none the wiser to this truth.
The terrible, dark truth of what loneliness can do to someone.
“I even told you it was him,” the man holding you whispers, his head dipping to one side when he drags his fingers over your face, wetting them with your blood. “You just don’t remember, do you?”
His disappointment is once again palpable.  
Except while you’re staring at the cutting lines of his face, a recollection does come.
The warehouse. You tied to a chair. A needle stuck in your neck as Lucien leaned his body over you. The scathing bewilderment at the fact that he has managed to find something powerful enough to knock you out for hours. Those thin, pink lips shaping words while whatever he injected you with coursed through your veins, and a name you didn’t catch.
The Elder sends his regards.
Lucien’s fingers sink deep into the skin of your neck, his expression clouding with rage the longer he gazes at you.
“You were his favourite,” he seethes bitterly, ripping you upwards and on your knees so quickly you’re left scrambling. Your legs drag across the glass shards and your hands lock shakily around his, trying to rip out of his grip. “No one after you was good enough! We trained until our bones broke. We could bleed ourselves dry, and it still wasn’t enough!”
Shódigan.
That’s why he asked if you knew about it.
You thought you did but—
He flings you ahead and your body slides across the gleaming flooring, leaving a trail of blood behind. Lucien follows, stalking closer, and squats beside you, this time yanking you upwards by the collar of your shirt. “He adored you,” he adds with a hiss, his fury scalding your skin; an old, festering resentment. “And now you’re paying the price for that adoration.”
He exhales with great difficulty, taking several moments to reign in his temper.
Now, you understand his obsession with you perfectly.
He is like you.
He was a candidate too.
He must have been.
Another face in a long line of candidates for the coveted disciple position.
This time when Lucien speaks, his voice sounds contemplative, “Though I suppose you should thank him too,” he states forcefully light. “One day you will be remembered as a legend, just like your Baba Yaga. He helped to forge you into what you are today.”
You’re too numb to feel anything else.
There is just a hushed sort of silence ringing through your head.
Undeterred by your lack of response, Lucien goes on, wiping at the blood on his face, “You know there is an old French saying: qui se resemble, s'assemble. Can you guess what it means?” he doesn’t wait for your answer this time, either. “Every man loves well what is like to himself. You are each other’s dark mirror. His counterpart.”
He giggles this time, grabbing your face, his fingers cutting into the flesh of your cheeks, and for the first time since he started his speech, something sparks in your gut.
Shock or not, your body is failing to respond but you battle against it, silencing your mind.
Hurt and betrayal slam like an overloading flood against your composure despite your best attempts to stay afloat.
You’re such a fool.
Such a lonely, naive fool.
So desperate to believe.
Hope.
Just like he was.
Lucien is right.
You and Elder are two broken halves of a mangled whole.
The same man you once saw as a chance for redemption, belonging, is the architect of the majority of the pain in your life.
One day, if you still wish it, I will tell you everything.
Everything. This is what he had meant by everything.
He ordered Winston’s death not because the manager broke the rules but because he wanted to remove your main tie to New York—the very tie that made you choose to leave him in the first place.
And John would have been the one to fire the bullet.  
You would have hated him for the rest of your days for taking the manager away from you.
Santino is still weak and so very easy for the Elder to dispose of right now.
The Lovers. Their mission to hunt you both down.
Another test for you, another tie cut if they succeed in killing Santino.
And you would have crawled to him on your hands and knees, hoping for his kindness once again. Heartbroken and alone with no one to turn to.
He would have won and you would have made it easy for him.
So very easy.
Lucien drinks in your tiny, wet breaths and glassy stare. Blood continues dripping from the cut against your eyebrow and you shiver in his hold.
A tear trails down your cheek and you can’t process a single thought. It’s too much, it’s…  
“He always feared you would find out,” this time his voice is softer, emptier, and the hollows that make up his eyes examine you shrewdly. “But it’s a fitting punishment. To care for someone so deeply, to desire them, only to live with the burden of knowing that you are the reason for their suffering.”
His fingers tremble, sunken deep into your cheeks, and another off-tilter laugh tickles from the back of his throat.
“I really did hate you, your shadow, for years. Until those tunnels,” he murmurs, his faint accent just a little more notable then, his grip easing, loosening. “Until I saw how much darkness lurks under that mask of calm. How much hate festers inside you but directed at the wrong people. I told you we were one and the same. You should have listened.”
He shakes his head, blonde strands brushing over his forehead, his mouth stretching into another beaming smile, all teeth.
Lucien lets you go and you drop the ground like a puppet with its strings cut.
That’s all you are—comes the sinking, gutting realisation—a puppet for others to use and play with.
“He will kill me for what I’ve done to you,” Lucien announces, sounding like he’s made peace with that grim fact long ago. “But you know it’s funny, snakey. I always thought I would enjoy this more. Getting back at them by betraying his secrets. Seeing that realisation on your face. That crumbling hope and despair as your world unravels and crashes around you,” he says softly, near lovingly.
It must have taken him years to gain this level of trust, to learn this information.
You don’t move a muscle. All you can see are Lucien’s legs but you can feel him staring down at you.
The blonde tsks under his breath, nudging you with the tip of his boot but you don’t react. “You want to deny it, I know you do,” he begins purposely, and you suppose he would know, won’t he? “But you can’t. Because I bet every single thing that’s never made sense about your life before now suddenly does. Am I right, snakey?”
Your fingers tremble and you press them closer to your body.
“Looking at you now, I almost pity you,” he muses and there is a distinct note of uncomfortable surprise in his low voice. It almost makes you ponder just how large the line between this lucid Lucien and his insanity really is. “You’re just a little tragedy, aren’t you?” he adds thoughtfully.
Little tragedy. Little tragedy. Little tragedy.
It echoes.
You wonder, then, what you would have become had you been allowed to stay a girl. If you didn’t have to become a monster. Even though the monster kept you alive, kept you breathing and fighting.
What would you have become if you hadn’t been robbed of a future you could have had?
“Your life is not your own, it never was.”
Deafening, hollow silence follows that statement. Your heart thuds so painfully inside your chest, a part of you waits for it to stop on its own.  
Lucien’s boot settles against your waist again, pushing you onto your back.  
You stare up at the ceiling above you and count the beats of your heart.
The assassin straddles you unhurriedly as if expecting you to fight back but all you do is blink slowly.
Everything is rushing through your head right now. Every moment over the last seven years.
His fingers brush over the curve of your neck and he stares down at you with an almost rueful expression on his face.
“What a waste,” he starts tightly, followed by a long pause and he mutters something in French under his breath. His fingers settle around your throat—not squeezing, simply gazing down at you. “I knew it would crush you. But I hoped for that rage. For the abyss. For you to show me once and for all what I lacked that you had. Your lesson.”
So that’s what that was about.
“We might have been friends had we met sooner, serpent girl.”
His fingers constrict—
“My—”
Your voice cracks and Lucien’s grip relaxes instantly. The thin line of his eyebrows knits in confusion. “Quoi?”
Gulping a painful breath, you part your lips, “My…lesson,” you croak out, tasting blood on your tongue and how fitting that you should. “My lesson…I have the answer.”
A certain light devours his gaze, and although his features drop with surprise, his eagerness is tangible.
He leans closer, and over you, his fingers still around your throat, “Tell me.”
Your tongue feels heavy and dry inside your mouth, an acrid aftertaste coating it, and Lucien jerks his fingers harder around the fragile column. He presses closer, his body weight pinning you down—
You jerk your body, a blur of your arm, a gleam of a dagger in the artificial, cold light. The Elder’s dagger in your hand trembles but gushing scarlet coats it still.
“I’m faster.”
Lucien gapes, his mouth parted. He convulses, his grip on your neck slipping, and you lurch your hips upwards, throwing him off you.
He drops to the side, right beside you, unmoving but the heat of his body still warming you—and you clutch the dagger tighter between your blood-stained fingers. You press it to your chest and lay there till time becomes nothing.  
BC4 BC5.
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Years ago when you escaped to Casablanca, eager to start your life over and join the Elder once again, Sofia told you something that has stuck with you ever since.
Sometimes you have to kill what you love.
You’ve thought about that a lot over the years. What exactly she had to sacrifice to have the power she now possesses—her daughter, flesh and blood, and good.
What you may have to sacrifice one day to earn your freedom.
Now, you suppose, none of that matters anymore.
Not really.
You’ve almost won your pyrrhic victory, Kishi purrs happily at your side, and you hear the subdued rumble of Tarasov’s laugh too, soon you can savour the rotting, sweet taste of it on your tongue.
The rooftop terrace door slams open, and you step onto the patio, halting the heated conversation with your arrival. There is an unsteady sway to your limbs that doesn’t escape anyone’s attention—John’s shoulder’s slump, Winston’s eyes narrow, the Adjudicator simply arches an eyebrow—but your expression remains steely.
The fire roars behind Winston and Charon—and it is, admittedly, a massive relief to see them both safe and unharmed—even if it makes you think how close you came…
No.
None of that now.
You’ve lived through worse (have you? liar, liar, liar, Kishi coos) and you give them a forced, fragmented smile.
“Mornin’.”
The Adjudicator grimaces subtly, and you know it’s likely because your injuries leave your smile bloody. Good.
“The Vipress,” the Adjudicator greets, standing to their feet. “I must express my apologies on behalf of the High Table. It does, indeed, seem like the general order in regards to you has...changed.”
They don’t look particularly happy to admit that but this is no time to goad, if you even could muster up the strength for it.
Instead, you stare blankly in their direction for a beat. “Excuse me,” you say, your voice a grating whisper, as you push past them. “Killing your lackies has made me thirsty.”
You shoulder past them, avoiding contact, your eyes momentarily jumping to Winston who stands right behind the Adjudicator, his stare cautious. Your eye contact lasts no more than a scant few seconds but it’s enough.
It’s a split second in which you grab a glass of champagne, ignoring the other snacks on the table.
You turn to face them, finding them all in differing states of confusion or uncertainty but offer no explanation as you drown three large gulps.
“Let’s get on with it, then,” you phrase bitingly, not bothering to hide the impatience, the sting of bubbling acid and, and… “I would like to have breakfast and take a shower. It exhausts a girl, having to take down armies. Hope you can appreciate that at least most of mine are in one piece. Less blood for you to wipe,” you comment idly, directing your words at the Adjudicator.
Coldness lurks in their regard, and you can tell that their opinion of you is less than savoury.
You don’t give a shit what they might think of you.
Every word slips past your lips on automatic; mindless, void syllables that feel drained of life. It’s an effort to register anything around you.
The blood, the champagne, the bubbles tickling your nose.
“While you have been pardoned of your crimes,” the Adjudicator resumes smoothly, clearly eager to get the conversation back on track and out of the way. “I’m afraid no such thing has happened with Mr Wick. A man who has shown no loyalty, no regard for the rules. It is by that logic the Table’s decrees that the punishment should fit the crime.”
Winston hums loudly, his head tilting as he nods in absentminded agreement.
You take another sip of your drink, frowning at the taste of blood in your mouth. Fitting, somehow.
You might have scrubbed yourself clean of blood before coming up here but it still stains the cracks of your skin. Cuticles stained with red, mouth stained with red.
Red, red, red…
John straightens at those words. He looks beat from his own fight but remains quiet. Yet, he can no doubt sense that something’s wrong.
“You’re correct,” Winston states, no affliction to be found in his voice and he steps closer, pulling something from behind his jacket. “Sorry, Jonathan.”
BANG
The gunshot is like a thunderclap through the too still morning.
John’s body jerks with the impact, a gasp sounding a second later, and you look at him while Winston steps closer.
BANG
John scrambles backwards, his bulletproof clothing absorbing the impacts but it won’t get him far.
“(Name)!” he calls out desperately, pained, his eyes seeking your form out, his voice cracking and splintering.
You can’t help and wonder if he’s scared. He sounds scared. There is something ironic—downright hilarious—in the knowledge that he’s facing death yet calling out your name like it may prove to be a salvation.  
It’s the first time since you asked him not to use your real name that he uses it. But you don’t move. Don’t respond to the plea for help. Mercy.
You just stare at him, indifferent and cold, knowing that even if you tried you couldn’t muster up any emotional response right now.
Winston fires again, and again, and John veers towards the building edge, his knees shaking.
The manager’s expression remains vacant, cold, and he shoots again, no hesitation in his aim. Not a single falter. It’s one of the most well carried out executions you’ve ever witnessed.  
John’s back hits the ledge and you watch in near slow motion as he tips over the edge falling at least twenty floors down and towards the concrete below.
You hear the metallic bangs as he hits a few fire escapes on his way down but still don’t move.
Then, impact so loud it splits the air.
Then, stillness.
The typical buzz of New York City waking up resumes. Time restarts and goes back to its natural flow once again.
Throwing your glass back, you drown the remainder of the champagne, licking your lips twice, yet blood still lingers.
Winston lowers his arm, approaching the edge but the Adjudicator gets there first. Charon is only a step behind them, and you force yourself to move after them as well.
The Adjudicator gazes down for a long, assessing moment, silent. Their head turns towards the manager who meets their probing stare flatly.
“I assume we’re done here?” he questions.
The Adjudicator inclines their head and, predictably, switches their attention to you. “You did not help him.”
A fact, not a question, yet it demands an explanation all the same. Your tongue moves on automatic, forming words that taste brittle.
Everything feels brittle.
“Why would I?” you wonder dully. “He betrayed me not so long ago, and nearly killed the majority of my friends less than a week ago. I learned my lesson.”
Chuckling, you turn your back to them, walking away leisurely. The glass clangs back onto the coffee table, a shriek of a sound. “I have served. I will be of service,” you echo the mantra pleasantly, faint with scorn.
Every word bleeds venom through your heart.
You don’t face them again, and no one stops you. The terrace doors slam shut behind you, and it’s a deafening bang that reverberates. You force yourself to put one foot in front of another. Keep walking, keep walking, keep—
It’s a blur, your feet dragging behind you. You’ve stopped bleeding but still have to halt at one point, leaning your palm against the corridor wall to rest.
You’re teetering and—
Your life is not your own, it never was.  
Your room sits untouched. The door opens with a click that’s like a kiss against your hair—so soothing and loving, comforting in ways that you could never quite explain.
The table is still an organised mess; notes half-unfinished, empty vials, dried ingredients—all littering the wooden surface, and you approach it slowly.
Exactly as you left it before you departed for Rome.
It seems like a lifetime ago now.
Everything is the same here, frozen in time.
Except nothing is the same.
Your fingertips trace over your notebook; a new formula, a collection of improvements on old ideas, scribbles that don’t make much sense to anyone but you.  
Your legacy. Your work.
This room is a testament to who you are. What you have become.
A tragedy.
Not a legend, or a fighter, just a tragedy of a girl.
A sound escapes you at that, strangely wounded, and you lean the heels of your palms against the table edge, your vision blurring.
Tragedy, tragedy, tragedy.
A puppet stitched together by different hands, influenced by different people.
You’re a product of someone else.
Every victory from your past sours and cracks with that realisation. You must have made him so proud.
You hate this room, this table, these plants, yourself.
This time a scream rips from the back of your throat. A brutal sweep of your hands wipes the table clean, everything plummeting to the floor with a booming crash.
You destroy everything in your path. Glass explodes, paper rips, liquids spills. You’re panting, sweating, and shaking by the time you come back to yourself. The floor is a mess, the whole room is.
A glint catches your notice when you spin on your heels, and your head snaps to the floor-length mirror across the room.
You don’t recognise anything about the bloodied, tear-stained, wild reflection that glares back at you. A monster is all that stands there. Alone and devoid of everything.
Distance evaporates between you, and you slam the hilt of the only weapon you still have left into the glass. The Elder’s dagger shatters the mirror upon contact. Cracks fracture your face before the mess crashes at your feet with another ear-splitting echo.
That uses the last tendril of strength left in your body—perhaps your very soul.
Your knees fold under you—and it’s almost soft, your crumbling.
Weightless and empty you settle on the floor.
Tears stream down your cheeks, hitting the crushed glass in front of you but you don’t wipe them away, don’t make a single sound. You can’t.
Your forehead lowers between your knees, your hushed sobs the only noise permeating through the peaceful room.
You don't get back up.
B4.
. . .
AN: 
well. 
now you know. 
not sure how many of you are even around to read this but a fun game to play now that you're done:
- reread COA from start to finish, noting every use of "honoured guest" in relation to V spoken by her enemies throughout the years, even the elder himself.  
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