#genuinely influential on my developing brain

[pasta5284]

once again reminded of how a decent portion of my life since 6th grade has been this site. like this place and the way it works and its social cultural has absolutely genuinely shaped some of my neural pathways and shit. and probably Forever

[highpriestessofchildsacrifice]

Omg what you said about Claudia ‘choosing to look young without even realizing it’s too true. I didn’t notice it as much in s1 but maybe because Delainey is smaller it stands out more to me esp in that store scene. Which was fascinating because for as rude as she was to that seamstress there’s a very childish like not pouting but pouting about the scene. Like she’s insulting her and it was mean and funny and because claudia’s always self aware but always only to a certain extent. Due to being frozen as a child. Also what do you think about them going there re: seamstress x claudia if the theories are true?

Omg I'm so sorry for answering this so late!

Yes absolutely I think she will always have these childish qualities and impulses simply bc her brain is frozen at a certain pt of development. I read smthn in a fic (lol) that I will copy and paste here; I thought it was so brilliantly stated. this is from Daniel's POV; he's in a weird post iwtv s1 situationship w Armand. Also you should read the whole fic/series.

[Daniel] actually feels fondly about the kid he was once, no longer resents him for not knowing what he couldn't have learned yet. But he would never want to be that guy again. Louis told him that vampires are "not only impervious to decay, but confined to our shape. That our bodies don't grow or age is self-evident, and you've read about Claudia's reaction when she discovered she couldn't change her hair in any way, but seeing her come into herself in Paris I began to suspect that our souls, if we still had them, or maybe our minds were becoming crystallized. Before we left New Orleans I had become convinced that isolation had driven Lestat mad, but as I watched Claudia grow hungrier and angrier, as I felt myself hollowing out and stagnating, I started to think maybe I'd gotten it wrong. Lestat was likely just as hedonistic and temperamental in life, and a century and a half of immortality had only fossilized those traits, the dead remains of the person he was when he died, just like his body, turned into marble." Daniel argued —just to argue— that humans are just as reticent to change, but he could see the point that Louis was trying to make.

That being said: kids can be mature and childish, careful and impulsive, thoughtful and thoughtless. Kids have a limited but still pretty enormous range of emotional behaviors, which is also further complicated by their life, traumatic events, social interactions. I genuinely think that in addition to becoming a vampire as a kid, Claudia's emotional maturity is further stunted by the fact that she has never known any other kids or teens, that Louis and Lestat treated her as their child/baby sister, that she never had to make her own way or get a job or be responsible for anything. That might have been even more influential lol!!

so I think claudia has been pushing against the walls of that elasticity, that range, as much as she can, for quite some time. She's 40 now and she's rightfully throwing herself against her brain's limits. but I think the growing pains of this process are really hard for her to accept. soooo sad and fun and crazy to think about. My beautiful 40 year old teenage daughter

I did not pick up anything re the seamstress bc I haven't read the books lol I never know who anyone is until ppl tell me! Feel free to tell me tho idc about spoilers. I'm down for whatever they do! Would be so so so fun for Claudia to make out w a girl lol.

[gontagokuhara]

teary rambling inbound

christ alive its not often i reckon with the fact that jump (the first fic of my “modern” writing era) is approaching seven (7!!!!!) years old. when i do think about it it’s often in a nostalgic way or a half-proud, half-self-deprecating way where i’m like “this was my peak when i was 17, god DAMN have i improved” because as much love as i hold for it and what it ended up as, it’s still nowhere near perfect! there’s so much i would do differently with my slightly more developed brain!!

but i get comments still on a more or less weekly basis almost 7 years after publishing, over 6 years since i last touched it. little ‘i just read this in one sitting!’ and ‘this brought me back into enjoying deh again’ and ‘i usually get bored during long fics but i wanted to finish this!’ that i have saved in their own special portion of my inbox specifically for jump comments because they all make my day every single time.

and then sometimes i get comments like these, all these years later, and i pump the breaks and just think.

unless i’m particularly out of touch this is like. the type of comments fic writers dream of. thoughtful, personal, crafted with a level of care that highlights how genuinely an author (even of just ‘silly’ musical fanfic) can move a person.

someone who never writes reviews was compelled to detail how deeply they’ve been impacted by *my* writing. something i crafted as a labor of love while i was still a teenager struggling through that same shit i was writing about had enough of a positive effect on someone that it spurred them to put as much into writing themselves, unsure if i’d ever even see it. this person walked away from something i created with the exact takeaways i hoped they would, and i very sincerely hope that whatever realizations this person had while reading, they take them and make their lives better because there’s nothing more i could possibly ask for.

jump, as much as a bit of an ugly duckling i think of it as sometimes, is like…a net good on the world. so many of my current best friends i met because i wrote jump. more than one person has embraced recovery and getting better and stepping into the sun (hah!), and that’s just people who have told me that — some of the mostly deeply influential fics in my life are ones i’ve never commented on myself. more people than i can ever hope to comprehend have had their day, week, month, life outlook altered in a positive way by something i created — by me.

in a period of life (not just my own, but more broadly speaking How Life Is in the present day, 2024) where things are pretty shitty and i’m agonizing more than ever over feeling useless and impactless and like i’ll never create anything of true value. sometimes i wake up to comments like these, and i slow my roll, and i can…genuinely appreciate that at the very least, despite everything else sucking pretty bad, people have made their own happiness through something i’ve created. i’ve made something of value, and even if i never know the impacts of that…those people are out there. if i could do it at 17 years, and still hear the positive influence of doing so 7 years later, i can do it again. i want to do it again. writing is making my happiness, and knowing that that could be true of other people makes it a happiness worth pursuing.

all of that to say: thank you, if you’ve ever read my silly stories before. if they’ve done something positive in your life, even for just a second, that means more to me than anything. and especially thank you to my more vocal readers because quite literally it’s people like the above comment, and people who i’m sure are reading this and know exactly who they are, who make me love writing as much as i do and make me want to do it forever, no matter the capacity.

i suppose i should wrap up now before my weepiness makes everyones tl all damp. thank you again, persephonescurse (even if you’ll never see this). your comment now also forever lives in the original jump discord server from 2017, so i won’t be forgetting it anytime soon. thank you.

[brybryby]

VERY LONG POST IM SORRY. DONT FEEL OBLIGED TO READ

HI. Alrighty, this has been on my mind for a while (ever since promotional content for Trials started being released).

I have a TON of analyses in the drafts, but I want to make this post before I release them for public viewing.

I know that I like to make goofy, light-hearted little fan animations and fan art of Outlast, but I think I need to start changing how I navigate through the content. After spending so much of my time deep diving and writing up these analyses, my eyes have been opened to just how much the franchise revolves around fucked up historical events. I feel that some of the stuff I've posted is tone deaf, or at least the way I posted about it is. And I think—for the most part—there's an understanding that I don't intend to be harmful, but I fear that the way I go about it **is**. (And obviously, action takes precedence over intent.)

For contextualization, when I initially got into Outlast at the age of 12, I was enthralled by the horror aesthetics and found a lot of the angsty gore to be cathartic. I felt so “taboo” and “scandalous” lol (especially as a developing child trying to understand myself amidst my puberty stage). I was young and—for lack of a better word—braindead in how I navigated the media. I was naive, mindless, ignorant, etc etc… Now that I have a deeper understanding of the narratives and historical implications/influences, I need to do better in how I interact with the franchise.

What am I getting at?

Pretty much, I'm working on being more careful with how I interact with the media. At the same time, I want the analyses that I post to be educational. And most importantly, please message me if I ever say some bullshit. Seriously. All I ever want to do with my life is to be a positive impact. I genuinely get upset if I cause harm to someone else. (One time I literally cried at a high school football game as a freshman because I thought I hurt someone else's feelings. It turned out they were faking it lmao. Then they started feeling bad and then that made me feel bad for crying and yea yea).

Seriously though. I know that my posts can get public outreach, and anything that has public outreach can be influential and have a good or bad impact. So please let me know if I do or say anything harmful or ignorant. I won't be offended. I don’t want to spread harmful stuff. There are many instances in my life where people sit me down to have meaningful conversations about shit I've said or done and how I can improve myself.

That said, I'll be posting more analyses and making my own syntheses of historical events. My next analysis post will be about Waylon's Asian-coding (specifically Korean-coding), how Trials actually supports this (using themes of US immigration), and why it is apparent to many Asian fans (including me, hehe).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That's pretty much it. But if you wanna stick around a bit further, I'll tell you my (excruciatingly long) story about how I got into Outlast :) along with how much it has invaded my brain and life :') and maybe get a little ~personal~ hehe

STORYTIME:

So, the game came out in 2013. Nearly 10 years ago. I was 12 at the time of its release. Let me tell you…this game was a HUGE impact in the horror community. HOLY. SHIT. It changed the way I looked at lockers and beds. I remember it being critically acclaimed (and rightfully so). It may have not been the most technical video game, but it certainly was a piece of art.

I remember commercials being shown everywhere. The trailer of beta Miles Upshur running and parkouring through Mount Massive while being chased by the tiny beta model of Chris Walker will forever be canonized as part my childhood. I remember specifically heading to the bathroom from my living room and my dad interrupting me to say “Hey! Check this out!” and then proceeding to play the trailer for my 12-year-old eyes. I was scared shitless.

Couple weeks later, Conan O'Brien featured Outlast in one of his segments of “Clueless Gamer” (yeah, my family and I used to watch Conan lol). I was very familiar with Slender and Amnesia, which were the 2 other games featured in this Halloween special, but this was the first time I REALLY got to check out Outlast.

Now, let me preface that during this time, internet culture was very interesting and even less safe than it is today. I had a ton of bad experiences on the internet during my childhood. But oddly (and embarrassingly), the emo/scene/horror/creepypasta culture was what brought me comfort amongst a sea of awful things you could find on the internet. It was probably unhealthy for my developing brain, but I indulged in a lot of angst that was presented with heavy gore and violence. And to be honest, looking at this kind of stuff at a young age helped me process a lot of my own personal shit that I experienced outside of the internet realm. (To be clear, I don't endorse this type of violence, and I don't endorse exploring the internet in the same way I did as a child—it was probably very unhealthy and I think it caused some early development issues.)

But nothing—and I mean NOTHING—scratched that itch more than the way Outlast did. I watched the finger cutting scene in Conan's “Clueless Gamer” and was fucking mortified. I was scared of the dark for weeks. But I remember spending that night in my bedroom looking at more Outlast content to get that cathartic fix to fill my emotional hole of…I don't know…morbid curiosity? I definitely felt shame at the time. I don't know. In recent years, I've been on this journey to process stuff I experienced during my childhood and I struggle to go about my middle-school/junior-high stage because…I don't know…puberty? Access to the internet? I once got bullied by a forum of adult men for posting fan art LMAO. I was 12 years old—I forgot what the fan art even was. ANYWAYS, yea. That was only one instance of my conglomeration of internet experiences. (Like many other peeps, I had to hide my gender & racial identity to preserve my sanity). Indulging in gore art was therapeutic and helped me release negative emotions in a non-harmful way. Horror-genre communities online have been mostly friendly and welcoming towards me. That's probably why I fell in love with Outlast as an art rather than a video game.

I wasn't in the fandom straight off the bat. I had other hyper fixations at times but I navigated through these other fixations with this personal “Outlast standard” where the art and fiction I consumed needed to be horror-themed, gorey, or angsty. And Outlast isn't solely to blame. I was into gore and angst before the game came out. It just so happened that it came out at such a perfect time in my life. (Horror made my queer self feel accepted)

This whole “Outlast standard” stuck with me throughout high school. Uh… this next bit of information may get a little personal. During my sophomore year, someone really important in my life passed away. Then I had this life-impacting thing happen during my junior year that changed how I perceived things forever (lol, this sounds so dramatic). I turned to art to help me process and yada yada… but y'know what really helped? You know what I turned to when I needed to “scratch the itch”? (I bet you'll never guess)

I finally considered myself a part of the Outlast fandom in 2018-2019. I was a high school junior/senior and I posted the Outlast-Outkast animation that got retweeted by Red Barrels. Had a lot of fun in the fandom during that time and it helped get my mind off of things. Also, I loved the fact that Waylon graduated from Berkeley. I was applying to colleges during this time and it made me romanticize Berkeley, lol. I ended up getting accepted. Had an awesome time. I recently graduated and got my Bachelor's. I'm very privileged and gracious for my experience. I spent a lot of grueling time and energy dedicated towards my education.

During my college years, a lot of the unprocessed shit from my childhood started resurfacing and it was becoming hard to navigate through life. I became really disconnected with people who were close to me. Art started to fall out of my life. Stuff happened. Got in touch with psychiatrists thanks to my college's free health services. I don't mean to downplay or normalize what happened, but I'll bring up that many college students deal with mental illness and depression (and this could be attributed to many things: moving away from family, student-life, financial pressure, pressure to secure jobs/internships, living alone for the first time, maturing into an adult, etc. etc.).

But I remember sitting alone in my studio apartment one weekend and started surfing Tumblr. I came across new Outlast fan art and it sparked my hyper fixation all over again. I re-read the comics and—OKAY THIS IS GONNA SOUND FUCKING RIDICULOUS—but I started jogging because Miles went on jogs LMAOOAKJDGHJAHKGFL. I finally picked up the pencil and started drawing again (after like…months) and drew Miles and Waylon flipping off Murkoff. And THAT was when I realized what the narratives of Outlast were actually about—FUCKIN' CAPITALISM AAUGGGHHH. MY LITTLE POOPOO BRAIN AT AGE 12 NEVER UNDERSTOOD THAT. AND NOW THAT I'M AN ADULT—NOW THAT I CAN BLATANTLY SEE MYSELF AND MY PEERS AS VICTIMS/PRODUCTS OF CAPITALISM—CAN FINALLY FIND SO MUCH VALUE AND MEANING IN THIS GAME HHHRHRJGHKSDKFGLAJKDG SAY W H A T IM GONNA *explodes*

Then a year later, I started drawing more and more again. Trials' promotional marketing was becoming more prominent. I started posting my fan art on Tumblr. Then I made the fanimation (thank you Mr. Baichoo, you're so awesome, I will forever be a fan of yours) and now here I am. Still fixated on this silly little game for nearly 10 years. WHEW.

I FEEL LIKE A SHRIMP CHIP. Anyways, thanks. I much needed to get this off my chest.

Also, hey! Just wanted to say thanks for the friendly and welcoming interactions in this space. It feels so much safer and more comforting than previous internet experiences I've had. Since 2013, the fandom has evolved a lot. In my opinion, it has evolved for the better. The resurgence of new fans bring such refreshing perspectives and fields of knowledge that haven't been influenced by some of the harmful internet culture that I grew up in. So truly, many thanks to y'all for making the fandom space a nicer place (especially for such a heavy game). Also, what the heck, everyone in the fandom is seriously so talented and artistic

Uh… fan art time? (old stuff/sketches I haven’t posted)

But seriously if you got this far, thank you

[bloodiedrogue]

10 CHARACTERS!

rules: pick 10 characters from 10 different fandoms and tag 10 people!

thanks @imgoingtofreakoutnow for the tag!

1. cybersix/adrian seidleman — aka my first impression of gender fluidity. this show came out when i was 4 and to this day i still mourn that it wasn’t longer. it was so insanely influential for its time in terms of gender rep (the main character’s disguise was a male school teacher who pretty much everyone had a crush on) and i remember genuinely crying to my mom when this show stopped airing at its regular time slot.

2. eris — at the ripe age of 8 this woman was my bisexual awakening. and honestly, more than likely the introduction to my obsession with villains. to this day i would literally let this woman do whatever she wanted to me.

3. loki laufeyson — the man, the myth, the legend. truly the one that started it all. the og summer blorbo. i’ve literally been obsessed with this man since i was a kid reading my uncle’s comic book collection past bedtime. so many iterations have come and gone (some better than others) but regardless this mother fucker has rotted my brain.

4. dr. spencer reid — probably the most influential character in regards to my writing. he was the first character that i wrote an entire fic about (along with an even longer sequel) which really helped me develop as a writer. also, now that i’m older i realize his neurodivergent rep was very affirming to witness!

5. fleabag — god, i could go on and on about how this character and phoebe’s writing makes me feel for a century so i’ll just say no other character has made me feel the way this one does.

6. silco — he’s everything i love in a character. from his overall design to his motivations and traits, silco is perfect and i thank arcane every day for creating him.

7. nick miller — watching this character is like looking in a mirror and i hate it. everything he does or says is so ridiculously specific to my psyche that i sometimes have to cover my face out of sheer secondhand embarrassment. i love him dearly.

8. ash — this is baby. my darling. my sweet cheese. despite her kit in game being very mid i will never main another character simply because she is the moment! her backstory is compelling. her and horizon’s relationship prior to the games is so interesting that i think about writing a 33737 page fic of it every day. i just love her and her broken little simulacrum brain.

9. mizu — she is everything i want in strong, female character. blood thirsty motivations that lead to unwavering goals, complicated relationships, the external hotness of a thousand suns. mizu is incredible and i am so happy that blue eye samurai got picked up for season two!!

10. astarion — wow, what a surprise! the vampire is here! who would’ve guessed? seriously though, i know i post about him pretty much every day and make jokes about how hot he is and blah, blah, blah but he truly means so much to me. all of the writers involved in creating him (and neil obvs) did such an incredible and sincere job. you can tell they put so much care into crafting his (and so many other characters’) story and i’ll forever be thankful.

tagging: @infinitystoner @use-your-telescope @the-lake-is-calling @the-lady-amphitrite @novarunestone @sunserenade @justporo @leighsartworks216 @aphrogeneias @lipstickghoulie (and whoever else wants to participate!)

[weepylucifer]

you said steban corruption arc?

oh yes i did say steban corruption arc. i actually have several that i run in my mind whenever i have a moment, bc i'm weird like that

i'm thinking right now he's soft and kind and hates the thought of doing violence, so what if the return comes and he has to do copious violence, and it erodes away his gentleness, day by day, bit by bit. and ulixes, who always wanted that to be his role, can do nothing but watch. and also what if steban finds himself with a genuine leadership role during/after the return, but it comes with the inevitable compromising of morals that always happens when one wields some amount of power. steban has flaws: his tendency to leftist infight over bullshit (turnips) for one, which he drove away all his friends over except for his one most dedicated yes-man. now, being in charge of some kind of communist cell or party or group could bring out his positive attributes - it'd force him into interacting with people all the time, which i think has the potential to get him to really thrive. he can be endearing as well as insightful, rhetorically talented and empathetic, so with more practice he could, i think, really develop a kind of charm. but it could also enable his petty tendencies, his desire to command, his desire to be loved even, his tendency to take himself extremely seriously, the slight ruthlessness we barely catch glimpses of and which a setting like le retour might exacerbate. plus i headcanon that he's somewhat like harry in terms of basic make and model of brain if not in life experience, which is to say that he has skills, maybe still larval in canon time and barely causing pings in his brain, but which an older more experienced steban could use to handle people. all in all i imagine 30-something steban as a politician. not extremely powerful, bc i don't think revachol has it in her to pop out another communist party with real power before the end. but, on a local level, influential. the type for whom "achieve communism again for good this time" would be the end goal, always in sight, which any means are legitimate to achieve. like, if he graduated from turnip argument to actual political stakes, in a setting that fuels his worst impulses. and also he has a following and through them some control of plasm. in all: a charming, personable political type who really has very little dark depths he would not lower himself into, very little mud that he would not sling to gain an advantage, bc the reward on the other side (communism!) will be so very worth it

that's the more feasible scenario. in the less feasible one he's a fake innocence

[turtlemagnum]

i'm not sure a piece of media has ever impacted me so broadly as fallout: new vegas. maybe just as deeply, yes, but in terms of variety the ways are almost uncountable. i played it at a fairly young age, so it was probably a fair bit more influential than it otherwise would've been, but i'm not entirely sure. i think one of the most straightforward ways is my love of guns. i'm not sure i can 100% attribute it to new vegas, but if memory serves i wasn't really into gun nerd shit before new vegas. with the knowledge i have now of both its development and just of real firearms, i know that a lot of attention to detail was given to giving everything if not outright realism, at the very least a very deep-set sense of verisimilitude that acted as a stellar "foot in the door" for the interest to seep into my brain, so to speak. if memory serves, the project lead actually bought and shot a real lever action rifle to make sure he got it down as best he could in game, and frankly without that degree of commitment i'm unsure if the gunplay would've felt as "real" to me. i cannot express how deeply appreciative i am of that, i still remember the feeling of the gears turning in my brain as i tried to figure out why .223 and 5.56mm went in the same rifle, and it setting my young imagination wild

and that's only one aspect. in terms of music, i wouldn't say that my music taste is broadly inspired by the soundtrack but it has introduced me to country music i actually quite enjoy, adding to my eclectic tastes. in terms of writing and media literacy, analyzing it was very critical in my development of both taste and critical thought in regards to the characters and themes of the game. as such it also deeply influenced my own political beliefs, and i think the fact that it portrays almost every sapient character with a degree of personhood and reasons for doing the things they do and thinking the things they believe had a significant impact too. at the core of the writing of the non-bethesda fallout games, there's always been this overwhelming sense of hope in the face of adversity. i'd argue it's probably the main theme of the first game, and is still a relevant one up to new vegas. and i think it's worth noting that i have my own disagreements with what the game says thematically at times, and i maintain that if you weren't limited by the options that the developers allowed you the yes man ending would unequivocally be the best option, but that's less so the fault of the developers themselves and moreso a limitation of video games as a whole not being able to account for Literally Every Single Possibility in the same way that you could in a TTRPG or even just writing yourself; so i don't really hold it against the devs in the slightest.

i think that to a certain extent, feelings predate ideology. you're born with a fire in your gut, and you can't quite put it into words with any coherence until you're a fair bit older. maybe on the way there you pick up some beliefs from the older folks in your life, maybe even ones that you'll find to eventually contradict what you really value deep down. i was no different, really. i think above all i've always yearned for freedom. not in the conventionally american way, i'd argue that the "freedoms" american ideologues profess to hold dear for the most part, aren't actual freedoms. they're just what we're told is freedom, when in reality we live in as authoritarian a system as those we claim to be diametrically opposed to. this yearning, this lust for freedom that i've always had, i think new vegas really fed into it, for me. the fact that you can go wherever you want, do whatever you want, kill whoever you want, support whoever you want, just as easily help or harm whoever you want, it all amounts to an overwhelming sense of freedom; the kind of radical freedom that you just cant get in the physical reality we currently live in. it's an escape, a fantasy, one where you have a genuine choice of how you want to live your life. i hope that one day we'll live in a world where everyone can have the kind of freedom i hold dear in my heart.

[xfindingtrouble]

song shuffle ellis for 4!

would like to point out that never love an anchor was the first option, but I've already broken it down here. i do believe that i may have talked about this song with you in regards to Kakashi? but it is integral to ellis' characterization. when he meets morrigan, he is not quite a whole person yet. neither is she. their love was a survival tactic, it wasn't love for the sake of love. they never learned to hold each other gently & that's why they couldn't have worked where they met in his timeline. later in life he marries @softersinned's astoria & he learns how to treat someone gently as she is someone who helped him grow while encouraging him to do so on his own. someone who was always going to be one of his forever people. but with morrigan it couldn't have worked in a way that would have been worth it. morrigan & ellis had chemistry but chemistry wasn't enough.

but since i had already broken down never love an anchor, i went ahead & shuffled again & ended up with brave as a noun - ajj which is actually one of my favorite songs of all time. i have it on ellis' playlist because i feel like it really hits the nail on the head about how he processes the world around him. he has wildly invasive thoughts revolving good & bad & he feeds both sides of himself. he wants to stay safe, remain where h& how he knows how he can function even if it isn't sustainable.

but he has hope that he can be something more, be a better person & comes to understand that he has to be the one to make that decision. he has to be the one to ' get the brains to get out of bed in the morning ' [ a line from the song ] but anyways i am gonna dive on into this because ajj is my all time fav & this is my favorite ajj song & it's off my favorite ajj album so applying it to ellis is just fucking sublime for me. it's so on point. like even the way it sounds, raw & a little shitty is reflective of the way his brain works. down to the patterns in the banjo & the emotion behind how the lyrics are presented. this song was one of the songs that shaped his concept.

I could go off the deep end I could kill all my best friends I could follow those stylish trends And God knows I could make amends

so ellis has always kind of walked the metaphorical line of what is 'too much ' if that makes sense? he was the second son of the couslands. he was the sheltered secondborn of an influential family. he was always swimming in a million ' what ifs' that were based on how he perceived stories & how he wanted to be perceived. he didn't have many expectations on his shoulders to ground him & so he sort of ran wild emotionally. he would throw fits, ruin friendships & partake in a thousand destructive & self-sabotaging behaviors growing up.

after the blight he expects to be a different person entirely... which he is, in a way. he's more tired, less patient but those habits & thought processes he developed as a child still linger. he still ends up in tears after a minor inconvenience & he's always terrified the people around him secretly hate him. only his sister & astoria are really able to ground him to any degree & even then he really cannot stand being that kind of burden to the people he loves. of course he learns how to cope with time & effort but for a long time he's really stuck in fight mode. for at least a couple years after the blights, going into awakening & witch hunt he's Deep In It & super easily triggered.

like he feels guilt surrounding it but he doesn't feel like he can make amends because his responses are genuine? like he is upset about how he treats the people around him, in any context whether it is positive or negative. but he isn't sorry for how he feels, in the same stride? it's almost like he feels sorry for existing in an interactive world. there'll be more on this bit later. also directly following the blight his sister, lily, is at her worst as well. she's younger than him, he feels the weight of her suffering on his shoulders. she kept him in line for the whole blight where he was constantly giving into this impulsive & often cruel part of himself. she kept him from becoming a monster & though they are technically both warden-commanders, he bears the brunt of the responsibility in the beginning of rebuilding ferelden's grey wardens. so again. there is no time to make amends or get closure. only to react.

But I’ve got an angry heart Filled with cancers and poppy tarts If this is how you folks make art It’s fucking depressing

of course, he's angry. how could he not be? he lost everything. i love exploring the thought of losing yourself & having to rebuild but this is such a big concept when it comes to ellis. he loses not only his family, his home, his known life... but he loses his idealism, his mind & his faith. plus ellis feels like he's lost his closest friend [ astoria, who he finds out has magical ability. he is afraid of mages / believed in a lot of anti-magic propaganda before the blight. ] anyways he's got this rage that's always on the tip of his tongue during the blight. he feels it in every heartbeat & it feels like a horrible disease. but he kinda likes it.

he likes the way his heart races when he starts to get a little scared. a little angry. it makes him feel horribly alive. if he weren't a rogue i would probably compare it to raging in dnd as a barbarian. he lovesss the adrenaline & cannot stop craving it. his overreactions distract him from having to react to these loses he's facing. there are a lot of people who try to tell him to temper his emotions, to tread a little more carefully. to that, he wonders how boring their lives must be without that horrible, wonderful feeling.

the feeling that all you have to lose is the body you exist in is very real for ellis. if not for lily & astoria being in their travel party he probably would have died much quicker, but they give him something to live for. even when he's not happy with them, they both remind him that he is a person outside of the gore. he still struggles thinking that other people do not react on the same level as him, though.

And it’s sad To know That we are not alone And it’s sad to know there’s no honest way out

he lamets over the connections he has to this world. whether it's lily, astoria, morrigan or any of the other friends he picks up on the way... he hates that they anchor him to his flesh. he would much rather crawl out of it or rot in the ground or whatever else can happen to his fragile body. he's soooo okay with dying. he's so into the idea of being thrown into a shallow grave & being forgotten. of course he fears it, but it's not the scariest thing on his plate at the time. but he is not okay with leaving his loved ones to fend for themselves, even as he has difficulties understanding how to maintain or fix those relationships. he still treasures them, deeply.

it's sad to know there is no dying on the end of a darkspawn's blade without affecting not only the people he has left, but also the potential outcome of the world. there are three grey wardens in ferelden, one of them is him, one of them is his sister & one of them is a king's bastard( & as far as ellis is concerned in the beginning, an oaf ). they don't know what will happen to Alistair by the end of it all, as he is a decent contender for king. if ellis were to die, that would leave lily as the single hope ferelden had of survival. he could never damn her to that fate.

I’m afraid to leave the house I’m as timid as a mouse I’m afraid if I go out, I’ll out wear my welcome

this sets up a perfect set one lines to dip into the next big arc of his life. after the blight, ellis is tired & half-mad. he perceives every threat that could be there, not always able to differentiate which ones are real & which ones are from his mind. when amaranthine is left in he & lily's care, it's like throwing salt in an open wound. he walks whalls that he had traveled once with his father, a constant reminder of a friend's betrayal. being in charge of rendon howe's estate really messes with his mind. during this time, lily is also Suffering intensely & can barely face the public let alone run anything. so ellis takes a lot of the responsibility.

but he is struggling too. man is paranoid & overactive to every little thing. if he see's a shadow dance in the corner of his eye he's sure it's a darkspawn. maybe it's the desire demon he let keep that man in the mage tower? maybe it's there for him next. he doesn't know but he thinks he knows. if this makes sense? this makes it hard for him to reach out to apologize, to process feelings. he lashes out often & usually walks away from emotionally intense situations in tears. so he often tries to avoid them altogether. he would rather exist as a myth, an idea [ which he doesn't like but is preferable ] than be seen or known to any degree.

he doesn't care so much about trying to temper himself as much as he cares about avoiding situations in the public altogether. especially since he has trouble feeling bad for his reactions, because again, they are genuine. when he's royally pissed off he feels that feeling in earnest. if he's hyperventilating in the throne room it's because he can't stop it. for as much as he hates to be seen, he hates trying to keep his emotions on any sort of leash either? which lends to this vicious cycle of ' please don't look at me, i can't hide, fucking stop looking at me ' if that makes sense?

I am not a courageous man I don’t have any big lasting plans ’m too cowardly to take a stand I wanna keep my nose clean

during this time he feels like he does not have it in him to seek the help he needs. he doesn't have the time. it's not that he doesn't have the support. in fact, he has the support of an entire [ mostly grateful ] nation. not even counting his new friends, surviving family, astoria or his recruits. he's constantly planning for a future he can't see. one he's not sure he'll be a part of, despite the fact that he is at the center of building it. though he is able to plan & navigate social niceties via letters [ not face-to-face. he actually often comes off as rude in social situations. he's generally unexpressive or too expressive if that makes sense? it's expanded a little more on one of his schizophrenia posts ]

but anyways despite him not feeling like he can be apart of what's to come [ though he will be & cannot see it ] he is afraid to stand up to certain parties. though this is a conversation for another day, ellis is very blatanlty anti-chantry. he loses his faith during the blight & is pretty open about it. it complicates things often so in a lot of other situations he tries to do what he's supposed to. even if he's not always good at it, he still tries to build this new & better reputation for the grey wardens. it doesn't really come together until lily & astoria act as buffers for the public in seperate ways.

astoria acts as an emotional buffer, as she is someone who takes the time to understand why he is like this. she is one of the only people he ever feels really knows him outside of his family. she helps support him when he needs support, though she is also balancing her own duties surrounding her homes at the same time. but anyways there are a lot of reputations outside of his own he has to consider & with him already being in bad standing with such a large power in ferelden, in contrast to the masses of people who have immortalized him as legend, he has to tread carefully where he is better at stomping if this makes sense? idk it is like 10am & i haven't slept yet but i had to finish this

And it’s sad To know That we’re not alone in this And it’s sad to know there’s no honest way out In this life we lead, we could conquer everything If we could just get the braves to get out of bed in the morning

again, reiterating the sentiment that the people in his life keep him in line. they keep the invasive thoughts from winning. it's hard to maintain his relationships while trying to balance his own shit, but they ever stop being important to him. he thinks about them in retrospect of every action,how the people he cares about may be affected by any destructive or self destructive thoughts. but if he can stay alive for them, why can't he stay alive for himself?

the first step he takes in healing & seeking help for this cycle he traps himself in is realizing he wants out of it. it's okay to ask for help, it's okay to rely on the people you love. but they cannot fix him. he has to want to heal & adapt himself. otherwise, he will weigh his loved ones down because he is not carrying any of the weight. he's hollowed himself out for so many causes that he decides to fill that space with someone better than he was. he just has to take that leap with his own two legs.

[syncopation53]

4, 8, and 15 for the OC asks :)

Genuinely have too many ocs to answer these for all of them so I’m gonna go with the two that have forcefully taken over my brain

4. In developing their backstory, what elements of the world they live in played the most influential parts? 

The Light vs. Darkness dichotomy is like, Kai and Caoilinn’s Whole Thing at this point. their backstories are also mirrors of each other and of their pre-guardian selves. Kai following the Darkness out of spite but valuing freedom of choice and autonomy but desiring purpose in life but viewing the Traveler as a savior and protector of all humanity before his death… Caoilinn following the Light but valuing order and conformity but desiring freedom but resenting the Traveler for its “gifts” to humanity and looking to disprove its status as a deity before her death… it’s all so good I could go on for hours about them in a meta sense

8. What (if anything) do you relate to within their character/story? 

Hmm. For Kai I can definitely relate to his anger at a deity and also at the leaders of the City for (seemingly) not actually caring about or listening to the ordinary people in favor of simply saying “we’re doing this for everyone’s good” and washing their hands of it. I realize this is in part bungie’s fault out-of-universe for not focusing on the actual citizens that much (and when they do it’s all just reactionary mob mentality) but… still. I’ve also mentioned before that this anger doesn’t stem from a lack of empathy but rather from him empathizing too much and not knowing how to handle it, which I can definitely relate to

For Caoilinn I relate to her perhaps a bit too much, maybe, as she also struggles with people’s expectations/perceptions of her and also Gender Things but we’re not gonna talk about that right now :) and also her whole ordeal with the Praxic Order is a bit reminiscent of my experience within the baptist church (I don’t think they’re exactly like that in canon but I do hc them to have been much worse with the light vs dark thing a hundred years in the past than what we have now with aunor and shayura) and her… complicated history with Adrax that I have yet to talk about here but maybe someday. yeah I think I might relate to her just a little bit

15. What is something about your OC that can make you laugh? 

Their dynamic in fireteam buckaroos in general. I know no one has any context for this given that I’ve written nothing out about them so far but essentially it’s like. two teammates who absolutely hate each other and also hate how well they work together as a team it’s so funny. they go from serious intense character studies on what it means to be a Guardian to comedic relief who will not stop arguing with each other and killing each other over the smallest infractions. the most character dynamic ever

[kurain-genealogy]

was so caught up in the whole "dark worlds reflect the will of the knight who created the fountain" thing that i was only looking at it from kris's perspective. i think it's more than that, though.

my brain is fried bc it's midnight and im not really going anywhere in particular with this, but...

i very much think that queen is a representation of noelle's mom. from what we know abt her mom, she's pretty hard on noelle, the mayor, and Pretty Powerful as the mayor since alphys mentions the police not really having a purpose considering how the mayor sort of dominates the town.

queen's stated to have always been a pretty strict ruler, but once the fountain showed up, she'd gotten extreme. she picks on noelle in particular, doesn't care about the other kids, constantly dotes on her and searches for her when she's missing but pressures/threatens her into doing what she wants (or trapping her when she attempts to defy her). she's never outright cruel in a way that isn't humorous or lighthearted to the player, but it's still clear what her intentions are. despite wanting to use noelle to create the "ideal world" or whatever, it's so so clear by the end that she (1) is not evil she straight up says she doesn't want to end the world, and (2) genuinely cares about noelle so so much!! she wants her to be HAPPY and tries to give her everything she wants but just cannot see from noelle's point of view!

and noelle standing up to queen, telling her that her plans would not make her happy and that she wouldn't want to live in that world, that's her growth!!! this dark world helps noelle get the bit of confidence boost she needs to take back the reigns and try for herself.

so queen is funny haha character but i also really think she represents noelle's mom. also berdly is there. his growth is that he needs to be humbled, learn that not everything is about intelligence, and that he'll still have friends even if he's not the best at everything. and our main characters still grow and develop but the cyber world feels so much more like noelle and berdly's stories.

the setting/theme/contents of the dark world is influenced (and confined by) the light world setting that the fountain was created in. it's cyber themed. duh. cuz it's in the library. but i mean... noelle's wish for confidence, berdly's need for approval and praise, ambu-lance enemy (could just b funny antivirus joke but still.. hospital imagery + noelle...), a bunch of Gamer stuff like the punch-out type sequences (because berdly gamer?), the spelling puzzles???? yknow the spelling bee, the big thing that was super influential to both noelle And berdly? yeah. might b more im forgetting.

but basically... soemthing somethign fountains created by the will of the knight. but just as it's influenced by the items in the room, it's influenced by the emotions and experiences that have taken root there, and the people attached to those things that spend a lot of time in that location

basically tl;dr the knight's will when creating a fountain may not just be limited to the knight itself.

[mbti-notes]

INFJ. Processing past Fe failures. Want to get better at socializing / having deeper relationships/friendships. Muddling through Ti development - desiring to get better at self-awareness + communication. A lot in my brain and it'd be a lot to share the entirety of recent exchanges that have ended up in failed relationships, so I'll try asking this and hope it's enough to get critical thinking help from you, thank you much in advance. (1/2)

[con't: I notice a pattern of me trying to communicate and express myself to be understand by, or be emotionally met by Fi users, and them responding by saying things like "I don't know what you want from me", "I don't know how to help you," "I'm sorry you feel that way" or them even saying variations of "Maybe you're not used to my communication style" (ENTJ) if I express that I feel dismissed, uncomfortable, or disrespected.

This isn't ALL Fi users thank God & I'm in therapy now to address my downplaying of my emotional needs, being willing to work through anything even though the romantic relationships I'm attracting are woefully incompatible or unhealthy. But I want to get better at doing my part to increase the chance of relationships building. What am I doing/expecting/judging in my communication with Fi users so they respond that way or has me feeling being unseen/misunderstood? Is it the basic INFJ recs?]

You point to Fi specifically. Fi doesn't require outside validation, so perhaps what you're encountering is their lack of concept of outside validation, in the manner that you're seeking it with Fe.

All of those example statements sound like they could be taken sincerely. "I don't know what you want from me" could be an opportunity for you to better explain what you need/want. "I don't know how to help you" could be an opportunity for you to provide better instructions. "I'm sorry you feel that way" could be a helpless admission that the two of you don't see things the same way. "Maybe you're not used to my communication style" could be an indication that there is a need to investigate the big gap between what was perceived and what was actually intended.

Not everyone is going to see eye-to-eye with you, not everyone is going to agree with your version of events, not everyone is going to care about your needs and feelings enough to address them kindly and patiently. This should all be okay with you unless you were walking around expecting everyone out there to have the capacity to meet you emotionally or validate your emotions (unhealthy Fe)? That's simply not gonna happen, so it's an unreasonable expectation. That's why it's so important that YOU be the first to take care of yourself and own your emotions, set proper personal boundaries, and navigate interpersonal boundaries more gracefully.

If you feel someone has violated your boundary (i.e. you feel hurt by them), the answer isn't to violate theirs in return. You're trying to fix a problem in the relationship, so further damaging the relationship isn't going to help. Whether you are right to feel hurt is not the main issue. Feelings themselves are always true and tell you something true about you. However, what you DO about the feelings isn't always right. There are two main ways people deal with negative feelings: 1) bottle them up, which amounts to self-harm, or 2) express them, which opens up the possibility of doing harm to others, if they don't have the means to process your feelings. Neither way is ideal.

If your main approach is to expect people to change (when they can't or don't want to), expect them to give you more than they are capable of giving (due to not having the means or resources), expect them to understand something that they are not really capable of understanding (when they just don't think in the same way as you), etc, your expectations are easily perceived as "demands". You're essentially pressuring people to be what you want them to be, which amounts to dishonoring them and violating their boundary. This approach is usually met with submission or resistance. If they submit to you (because they care for you), they will be unhappy for having allowed you to violate their boundary, and the problem will recur because it was only swept under the rug. If they resist you, conflict ensues, and the relationship bond will be tested and possibly threatened, especially if the conflict recurs without resolution.

There is a way to honor your feelings while also honoring others' feelings. It requires you to have good emotional intelligence and be a good communicator. Good emotional intelligence means respecting your feelings and taking full responsibility for them. Instead of seeing yourself as the victim (i.e. "you made me feel this way"), you see yourself as an agent with the power to decide what is best (i.e. "I feel this way and this is what I should do about it"). Positioning yourself as a passive or helpless victim means that you cast blame and eventually demand reparations. Positioning yourself as an active and influential agent means that you survey the situation objectively and then try to act in the best interests of everyone involved. This is what healthy and confident Fe should look like.

For example, when you feel dismissed, maybe you bottle it up for awhile, until you can't take it anymore (because the problem remains unaddressed). Then you confront people and say, "I feel dismissed". This implies that the other person has done something bad to you. You are the victim, which puts them on the spot, feeling like the bad guy, and then they can't hear you, due to becoming too preoccupied with not wanting to be the bad guy. Communication is likely to stall there, unless they have the wherewithal (emotional intelligence) to keep their focus on you and your concerns.

Instead, you could say to yourself, "I feel dismissed". You take full responsibility for your feelings and validate them for yourself. When you are good at validating your own feelings and emotions (something you admit you really struggle with), you'll eventually find that you won't need to rely on others to do it for you.

What does it mean to feel dismissed? It means that you believe you're not being taken seriously, or something to that effect. Not very difficult to understand. What to do about it? The feeling of disharmony is a message to you that you have to do more to advocate for yourself and make space for yourself within the relationship/group (it is good Fe advice). There are many ways to advocate for yourself without stepping on others. If you choose the right way, in terms of honoring everyone involved, the feeling of being dismissed will dissipate naturally. If you choose the wrong way, in terms of honoring yourself but dishonoring others, you'll encounter the problem again, because you haven't addressed the underlying problem of you positioning yourself as the victim in every relationship conflict. Chronic victim mentality is often an indication that you depend too much on outside validation of your self-worth.

Unless you are stuck in a very toxic social environment, the majority of people are not malicious for no reason. Before accusing or blaming, are you absolutely certain that they INTENDED to dismiss you? If not, wouldn't it be wise to gather more info? For instance, you could ask something like, "Have you had the time to give my idea serious consideration?" No blaming, no battling, no victim-victimizer dynamic. Do you understand how communicating without blame, through genuine inquiry, avoids trapping the both of you in a vicious cycle of seeking emotional reparations? You give people the benefit of the doubt. You give people the chance to clarify or explain. You give yourself the chance to grasp the FULL picture so that you can make a more informed decision about what to do (based on their response to your question). But this presence of mind isn't possible when you can't accept your feelings/emotions and they run wild as a result.

One common misapplication of Ti is the tendency to jump to illogical conclusions or make up illogical stories about what is motivating people's negative behavior, all the while believing that you're being completely logical. It's a destructive way to deal with negative or disharmonious feelings. Once the false narrative infects your mind, you can't help but perceive the person as attacking you, even when they're not. This misuse of Ti is a major impediment to relationship building.

The problem with victim mentality is that you are hyperfocused on your perspective only, so you only have half the picture, which means making ill-informed decisions. If you are prone to Ti loop, you need to get to the bottom of why you're so quick to position yourself in the passive position of victim. A healthy relationship should be an equal partnership based on trust, which means that you should always try to 1) give people the benefit of the doubt, and 2) gather the facts of the situation before drawing a conclusion about what they intended or what kind of character they are.

If the fact of the matter is that the person really doesn't care about your feelings, then you know not to seek validation from them, and perhaps distance from them for your own good. Don't play around in toxic or abusive relationships. If the fact of the matter is that your perception of the situation doesn't match up with what they intended to say/do, then it's up to you to straighten out the situation in your mind before proceeding.

Trust your feelings, validate your feelings, but don't act blindly on them (i.e. without fully grasping what's happening with the other person). Figure out why exactly you're feeling what you're feeling, then take it up with the person in a way that addresses the root of the problem and in a way that doesn't immediately put them on the defensive. Conflict is sometimes unavoidable, but being more skilled at communicating your concerns will certainly reduce the amount of pain required to reach a resolution.

[gh0st-patr0l]

ADHD in DSMP

So about a week back, I made a post about Karl Jacobs (a bit of a passive aggressive one, I’ll admit, but I think it was justified), complaining that a lot of the ‘criticism’ I see about Karl is actually rather insensitive towards his ADHD. I got a lot of responses to that post, and the most common sources of confusion I saw were:

People not understanding what I was saying they should avoid being judgmental of, or-

People who didn’t know that Karl had ADHD or didn’t understand which behaviors were caused by it.

First of all, Karl has confirmed that he has ADHD.

(NOTE: Yes, I know he said ADD. ADD and ADHD used to be categorized as separate disorders, but in the most recent edition of the DSM, it was decided that they are both simply subtypes of the same disorder- ADHD is the correct technical term. ADD is still sometimes used as shorthand by some practitioners to diagnose primarily-inattentive ADHD, but it's a bit outdated.)

Secondly, that original post made me realize that a lot of people who may be well-meaning may genuinely not fully understand ADHD and its symptoms as well as they want to or think they might. If you aren’t aware, Karl isn’t the only one in the DSMP with ADHD- to my understanding, both Technoblade and Dream have confirmed that they have it as well. So, I thought it would be helpful to put together a comprehensive crash-course on ADHD symptoms and how they effect people’s behavior!

Now, before we go further, I want to address something- as I said earlier, I saw some people unsure of whether certain behaviors are ADHD or “just his personality”. I feel the need to point this out above the read more so people will see it. To answer this question, as someone with ADHD;

A lot of times, it’s both. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder, meaning that it’s caused by the way your brain developed from birth. A lot of the symptoms and effects of ADHD are extremely influential towards the way we think, act, and behave, to the point where “symptoms” and “normal behavior” really don’t have a clean differentiation. This is why it’s technically classified as a ‘disorder’, instead of an illness. While certain aspects of it can require treatment, the condition itself as a whole is not something to be mitigated or eliminated- it’s a part of who we are as a person. This is also why sometimes, even if you don’t have ADHD, you’ll look at certain specific behaviors or experiences and go “Oh, but I do that too!”. A lot of ADHD ‘symptoms’ are just a bunch of normal traits or behaviors, but in combination with each other and some actually problematic aspects, form the appearance of the disorder.

So, what are you allowed to nitpick about it? Well, there’s no real ‘authority’ on this, and even if there was it certainly wouldn’t be me. But if you want my opinion? Nothing.

See, here’s the thing- what I was trying to say when I made that post was not that you can’t be critical of Karl. If you want to say something about his Actions, his Ideals, or the content he creates- sure, go for it, that’s fair. I will agree that there are some very valid and constructive points to be made. But when you post ‘criticism’ about the way he speaks, his interests or preoccupations, his personal behaviors? That’s not criticism. That’s just judging someone.

And you’re allowed to think that stuff! Nobody can control what annoys or bothers them. It doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person. But you don’t need to be vocal about it. You can keep your mean thoughts to yourself. And if you do make posts or communities or whatever about judging someone for things they can’t change about themselves, don’t call it “criticism” or try to morally justify it. It’s not productive or righteous, it’s just rude. Nothing else.

Anyway. Back to Education!

The following will be a descriptive list of visible ADHD behaviors, using Karl’s behavior as examples.

I feel the need to add a disclaimer here- I am not a mental health professional. However! I have ADHD myself, I have taken some psychology courses and done a Lot of research into this stuff, and I’m the daughter of a therapist with access to a DSM. While I’m not an expert, I’d like to think I’m fairly well versed and knowledgeable on at least ADHD. (That being said, if by chance anyone who Is a professional sees this post and notices mistakes, by all means let me know and I’ll fix it!!)

WHAT IS ADHD?

You’re here for the behaviors more than the science, so I’ll keep this short and sweet. ADHD is Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (Known in the past as Attention Deficit Disorder). Despite its name, the root problem of ADHD is not in the person’s ability to pay attention, but their brain’s capability to manage itself. In simple terms, people with ADHD have a lot less control over what their brain does and wants. This results in some behavioral differences along with some personal challenges, namely a difficulty with attentiveness and self-discipline.

Now, onto the symptoms!

ATTENTION

This is perhaps the most visible and pervasive of the ADHD symptoms, hence why it’s the namesake. Inattention is a lack of focus and an inability to stay present and occupied with certain tasks or thoughts.

Because ADHD impairs self-management of the brain, people with it have an extremely hard time directing themselves anywhere but where their brain instinctively wants to go. This results in inattentiveness and the easiness of distraction that is often mocked or stereotyped for people with ADHD.

Here are some examples of how Karl can sometimes display his inattentiveness;

When he has an idea that he seems passionate about, only to drop it or switch to something totally different without warning soon after (either forgetting or getting bored of his original idea).

When he sets out to do something like a build, works on it for a short amount of time, and then immediately gives up or gets someone else to do it.

When someone else is talking and he totally zones out. (NOTE: While I wont make a whole section for it because it’s not easily observable, maladaptive (constant and intrusive) daydreaming is a common ADHD symptom as well!)

It’s important to remember that the whole problem with ADHD is that we can’t control when or what we focus on. When someone with ADHD zones out during a conversation or activity, it doesn’t mean they’re doing it on purpose, and they likely don’t mean any offense! We often are trying our best to listen or participate, but our brain just wont cooperate.

However, inattention is not the only way ADHD effects our focus. There’s also what’s called hyperfocus or hyperfixation, which is when we are so absorbed into a single subject, task, or idea that it is extremely difficult to get us to think about or do anything else. This is usually because our brains have found something that is getting those satisfaction chemicals flowing, and it’s clinging to that with everything it’s got.

People with ADHD will often experience brief periods of hyperfocus. Think of how Karl talks about spending hours straight working on a build or project without eating or drinking, or how he’ll sit down to play a game with someone and end up going six hours without even noticing.

There are also hyperfixations, where someone with ADHD becomes extremely preoccupied with a certain subject, topic, etc. for a period of time. These can be short term- personally, my hyperfixation can sometimes change as quickly as a couple weeks at a time. However, it can also be long term. Karl has been obsessed with Survivor since the second grade- not to mention his memorabilia, rambling, and constant references to Kingdom Hearts.

HYPERACTIVITY/STIMMING

This is a BIG one for Karl. I should clarify; ‘stimming’ is not a technical term, and in professional situations these behaviors are just referred to as Hyperactivity. However, I personally like the term stimming much more and find it far more accurate to what the behaviors actually are, so I’ll be using that instead for this post.

If you’re not already familiar, ‘stimming’ (derived from ‘stimulation’) is an unofficial term used to describe consistent and abnormal patterns of physical and vocal behavior typically expressed by people with ADHD and ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). This includes things that people usually call fidgets or tics.

(NOTE: There are differences in how people with those two disorders stim. This post will explain stimming specifically from an ADHD perspective! ASD stimming is caused by very different factors and presents itself in much different ways. Do your own research if you’re curious!) 

There are two major observable forms of stimming- physical and vocal. Karl expresses both VERY often! I’ll use examples for each type;

Physical Stims: Flapping his hands/arms, jumping up and down when he’s excited, twisting around into odd positions in his chair, throwing, hitting, or tapping things, standing up and pacing around when he’s hyped up or laughing, twisting his rings, etc.

Vocal Stims: When he gets excited and repeats a certain phrase incessantly (Think any variation of “I’m popping off”), making certain repetitive noises while he’s focused on something or bored (”la la la”, the meow-noises, the weird heart-beat noise, etc.), singing or humming, tongue clicking.

It should be noted here that it’s pretty common for people with ADHD to get “stuck” on certain phrases or noises, and be unable to stop repeating them (reminiscent of echolalia, a symptom of ASD, but not the same thing). Think of how Karl might sometimes keep making a weird noise for an extended period of time even though it’s not that funny, or that one time he was physically struggling to keep himself from singing the Bakugan theme. These repetitions are completely impulsive and trust me, we usually know how annoying it is while we’re doing it, but we physically cannot stop.

ADHD stims are caused by the fact that the barrier between our brain and body is much weaker than a normal person’s. Because of this, most ADHD stims are actually very positive expressions of joy, excitement, or enthusiasm! Y’know how when you get excited, you feel like you wanna jump or dance? The ‘hyperactivity’ of ADHD is basically just that, but we don’t have the self-control to Not do it.

Stims can be caused by negative feelings like overstimulation, but in ADHD this is not nearly as common. Usually, the most negative reason we’ll stim is when we’re bored- in that case, our brain isn’t getting the Constant Stimulation that it naturally wants, so stimming is a way to make our own.

Whatever the cause, stimming is natural and impulsive. While different people experience it to varying degrees, those who regularly stim typically have little to no control over it. Suppressing stims is very hard and very frustrating to do.

Besides that, like I said- ADHD stims are often an expression of joy, excitement, or enthusiasm. They’re a beautiful thing that shouldn’t be seen as shameful or annoying!

BEHAVIORAL DIFFICULTIES

ADHD is a disorder which causes a lack of self-control. Naturally, this means that people with ADHD are inherently reckless, impulsive, and struggle with a lack of self-discipline that they cannot fix.

Of course, people with ADHD do still have some level of self-control, and they are still responsible for conscious, long-term behavioral patterns and decisions. However, in regards to most things, they are much, much less capable of controlling themselves than an average neurotypical person is.

These are some examples of how this will often present itself in Karl;

Excessive rambling, dragging on a joke or conversation when it could and should probably have been dropped, etc.

Speaking over or interrupting other people (NOTE: As someone with ADHD- THIS IS ALMOST ALWAYS UNINTENTIONAL. I know it can seem rude or annoying but I promise, 90% of the time if someone with ADHD talks over you, they either didn’t realize or physically couldn’t help it. Please try to be patient!)

Lack of awareness towards social cues (NOTE: Unlike ASD, in which the person is incapable of/has problems fully understanding social cues, ADHD results in a lack of awareness. For whatever reason, we’re often just not paying close enough attention to pick up on things like body language, tone of speech, and facial expression as well as we would normally.)

Indecisiveness and overthinking

Bluntness, lack of subtlety

Unintentional dismissiveness, accidentally ignoring things/people (NOTE: Again, this behavior is purely accidental. In this case, it’s usually just the person genuinely not hearing or processing things.)

Making noises, speaking, joking, etc. at inappropriate times

There’s probably more, but I think you get the idea by now. A lot of the time, behavior which results from ADHD can be seen as rude, lazy, dismissive, or otherwise intentionally harmful. In reality, we just aren’t wired to navigate common social interaction with grace.

In Karl’s case, he’s clearly an incredibly sweet, empathetic, and kind-hearted person, if the various close friends who have talked about him are to be believed. Just because he talks over people or makes a poorly timed joke, that doesn’t mean he meant any harm. 

I think that’s about it for how much I wanted to point out! You can do more research if you’re curious, but I feel like this post should be enough to tell you what to keep in mind and be understanding about when talking about/making judgements on Karl, and other people with ADHD.

[lazyliars]

I FINISHED DELTARUNE CHAPTER 2

Very fun. I was genuinely struggling with the last boss, played it up to 1 AM last night, was about to give up and go to bed, and then...

I don't know what happened, but something clicked in my brain? Suddenly I was perfectly dodging attacks and had the pattern LOCKED down?? I was having such a miserable time right until then. Then out of nowhere I started seeing the freaking code and owned it.

Spoiler-laden thoughts under the cut.

THAT ENDING.

So Kris opened a dark fountain in their house, right? That's what happened?

Setting aside the obvious "What the hell does it mean for a fountain to exist in the Light world" question, does that imply that they're the Knight? Probably not, right, because the King and The Queen would have recognized them...

I'm still on my crack theory that Papyrus is the knight. Think about it! He just arrived to town, and this business with the dark fountains only started recently iirc? And in UT, Papyrus wants to join the royal guard... in other words, a knight.

And considering the Lightners that have entered the Dark World so far seem to be ones facing serious emotional issues (Susie feeling like she'll always be "the bad guy", Noelle's difficulties speaking up for herself and dealing with her family life crumbling, Berdly's superiority/inferiority stemming from skewed self-perception, the myriad things going on with Kris...)

Papyrus just moved to a new place, and doesn't seem to want to leave the house. It's not hard to imagine a person struggling with the loneliness that comes from a situation like that.

The allure of being a powerful, influential figure in the Dark World would make sense.

That ties Sans into this weirdness, which in turn gets us a little bit closer to whatever the hell Gaster has to do with everything.

...or maybe not.

Theories aside, I really loved the cyber-city as a setting. I was skeptical at first because I usually dislike "electric" themed worlds, just, aesthetics wise, but they knocked it out of the park. I especially liked the glitchy garbage heap part.

The enemies were cool and adorable, the Werewires as a standout were creepy and awesome. Also liked the mechanics of the Butlers.

For characters? I liked the Susie and Noelle-budding romance, it was cute. The ferris wheel was such a good sequence.

I liked Noelle in general. Not too many specifics, I just liked the way they handled her.

AND BERDLY. Goddamn it. As soon as I saw him in the dark world, I fucking KNEW he would be my favorite by the end of the chapter because Toby Fox does not do things half-assed and I'm a sucker for character development. But Yeah no, I really, really liked Berdly's arc.

This wasn't as much of a Susie-heavy chapter as the last, but the developments she did have were nice. Her excitement at seeing Lancer was so sweet! And at the ending, I took her to the bunker, where two other kids were there, and one off-handedly said something mean about Kris and she stepped in and scared them off and then checked on Kris like... 🥺

And Ralsei. Ralsei... Gonna be honest, I was super sus of him at the start of the chapter, and still kinda am, but in a different way now. He DEFINITELY knows more than he's letting on, but whereas at the start of the chapter I was getting almost... idk, smug vibes? Now I feel pretty confident that he's more in the vein of "doing what he thinks is best" type beat. Still sus, and I still wonder what he talks to Kris about when the player's perspective shifts to Susie in both chapters... but I don't think he's a villain-in-disguise. At least, not intentionally.

There's still a lot of mysteries surrounding him that might point to something more sinister, but... yeah, idk. I think part of my initial hesitance was because I was still adjusting to his goat-face after having replayed ch. 1 with the covered bird-ish face.

Also the Swan-boat scene was soooooooooooo cute.

The big plot still remains obscured, but what with "the roaring" being name-dropped, we have some sort of endgame we could potentially ascribe to the Knight, but no motivations to couple with it yet...

I really hope in chapter 3 we get to see them. Maybe not like, ACTUALLY see them, but hear them speak, get a feel for their voice and what they're like...

ANYWAYS. tldr, Deltarune ch. 2 was very good, just as good as ch. 1 in my opinion. Now, the waiting game begins for chapter 3.

OH. Also, I am absolutely OBSESSED with the Snowgrave route. Hooooooly shit. Just... wow. I need to watch a full playthrough before I make any judgements about what it says for the story, but what I've seen so far...

It seems like a deadly reminder that the events of the Dark World DO have consequences for the Light World. It may feel like fantasy, but it can easily twist out into reality, in drastic and horrifying ways.

[annethepancake]

Sherlock rant

I recently rewatched BBC Sherlock for Rupert Graves, and aside from the lack of Lestrade appreciation I have a lot of problems with this series. Here are my thoughts:

1. It was all a blur

My second first impression of the show: I don't remember anything but the characters. And some characters I just blatantly forgot, like Mary. And I loved Mary on my second watch! I really forgot that at one point John actually got married and I don't even remember when I watched the show for the first time. I can still recall most of HIMYM's events and I hated that series.

2. It’s overall not a detective/crime show

Watching Sherlock for the second time, I mostly turned off my brain and just let it play in the background because (1) there's hardly anything for me to solve with the characters, most clues are taken by Sherlock off-screen anyway (especially after season 2), (2) they focus way too much on the quirks of the characters that make it almost like a sitcom that got dragged on for way too long. A crime/detective show shouldn't allow me to turn off my brain.

3. The characters just kinda fall flat

Exploring the depth of human emotions is not a bad approach to a modernized version of anything, I’m not trying to pretend I’m better than someone who gets sentimental over fictional character (if you know my blog at all, you know I am not), but at least write good characters. Sherlock is hardly a multi-faceted person; in fact, he’s kinda like the Wattpad teen fic main character sometimes. He physically fights off some terrorists with a machete to save the damsel in distress? He gets high off his tits but still got everything right all the time? John is just kinda there for most of the cases. Jim is a poorly written antagonist. Irene is a lesbian but gets the hot for our main character, surprise surprise. The only interesting characters to me are the ones who act like normal people: Molly, Greg and Mary. They are the multi-faceted characters, ones who I can actually relate to without feeling inferior to them in any way. Write characters like them, stop trying to be smart about it and stop writing Wattpad fanfictions for Sir Conan Doyle’s original works.

I get that they try to make Sherlock more like a human with emotions, making him quirky and arrogant, then make him quirky and more likable. It’s hardly a convincing character development though. He’s given over-powered deduction skills, so edgy, so high and mighty all the time. When he is finally written as vulnerable, turns out he has plans for that too. I would love to see him get it wrong once and maybe get humbled by that mistake, but getting Mary shot and killed is hardly even his fault, he is only doing his job. And killing off Mary is overall a bad idea anyway.

4. They treated the fandom like shit

I was absolutely disgusted at the start of season 3 when the showrunners just straight up shat on their fans. I wasn't there with the fandom during the wait between season 2 and 3, but I believe it was a pretty long wait (2 years, I could barely wait 2 years for my comfort series, and they have like 10 episodes per season), and they were presented with the first actual mystery of the series: How did Sherlock survive the fall? After years of waiting and having fun theorizing, they were met with a mockumentary about them, starring the most hated character of the protagonist and the fans. Those are the people who actually cared about the show for god's sake. The fact that the showrunners treated fans like crap and there's still an active fandom for the show appalled me.

Now not only The Empty Hearse bugs me, but the entire show does as well.

Allow me to digress.

Doki Doki Literature Club is a great example of audience engagement done right (Sorry for using this example I’m not actually that invested in the other franchises). After the success of the first game, the story provoked so many fans into solving the mysteries of the characters, some of them went really, really far. And that’s because of the actual mysteries that the development team took effort to plant into the plot. There is actual pay-off for painstakingly following the clues; as far as I know, only two (2!) people in the world have come close to solving the mystery of the first game (or they actually did). The game developers value their fans and their intelligence enough to have planted those clues where they did, and it’s a genuine exchange between the fans and the creators. Now even though you haven’t actually played the game, when you hear of the name and you’re only kinda familiar with gaming (like me), you’ll probably know what it is. What started as a mere open-source game by an indie developer became a sensation which left millions of fans begging for more.

Looking back at Sherlock, there are tons of logical flaws for a self-proclaimed crime series, virtually no clues for the audience to solve crimes along with their favorite detective, and when there was actually a mystery (Sherlock jumped off the building), they plainly showed him alive and well minutes later. Do we really need to see things spelled on screen to know what’s going on? Are we supposed to accept that Sherlock Holmes is an all-knowing future-predicting genius now too? Not a great sign of respecting the audience there.

So far, the only thing left that’s interesting about this series is the characters’ dynamic. Which brings me to the next criticism I have for the show.

5. The plague that infested mainstream media

Why is there still an active fandom? Queerbaiting and targeted marketing.

Community marketing is proven to be one of the best marketing methods there is, if not the best, to lengthen the lifespan of a product or service. The way they do that for shows and films and video games is usually by planting seeds of possible lores and history inside the content. Look at Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings, they are franchises that ran for multiple years with a ton of history and world building that provokes fans’ imagination.

Sherlock - well, Sherlock has sexually ambiguous men.

Sherlock has a formula for success. It was an adaptation of the most iconic detective novel in the world, funded by one of the biggest TV networks in the UK and possibly the world (don’t quote me on this). Making this series means you can appeal to such a wide group of audience even before airing. Adding in the quirky smart men who live together, you’ve basically guaranteed a prime-time show with millions of loyal fans all over the world.

Fans are not stupid, and queer people don't just find queerness everywhere they go. They know a gay subtext when they see one. Sherlock came back from the literal death for John, pretty gay if you ask me.

This show is very much not just about some guys being dudes solving crimes, they have relationship that’s deeper than friendship, and definitely not platonic. They deliberately wrote a sexually ambiguous Sherlock Holmes from the get-go - literally from the very first episode, then capitalized off of the targeted demographic, never a pay-off for their anticipation. Martin Freeman said in interviews that he could recognize Sherlock fans, them being generally women from 16 - 25. No shit Sherlock, this show targets them and capitalizes off of them, being quirky and gay as hell, of course the fanbase is generally 16 - 25 and female.

Sherlock queerbaited the fandom for years for the sake of marketing and there’s never a pay-off, nor was there any recognition to the community, and to add to all that bigotry, queercoding pretty much all of the villains? Why was a show aired in the 2010′s allowed to do this? Why did Mark Gatiss, an openly gay man, a writer of the show, allow this to happen? Why are millions of fans all over the world allowing all this to go on?!

6. Conclusion

Now I haven’t read the books yet, so I’m not at all qualified to criticize the adaptation quality of the TV series; I’m just talking about the TV series on its own. Despite my criticism, I think the first two seasons did quite okay. There are quite a few nice cases there, I like The Blind Banker and The Hound of Baskerville. They did those well because the focus was on the cases themselves, and the connection between John and Sherlock was only in the background. I, like many other fans, like to figure things out on my own, to read between the lines, and to not have things spelled out for me. With the next seasons bombarded with Sherlock and John bonding it seriously felt like mere fan service for me and even though I wasn’t there when the show was on, I still felt like I was robbed and my interest in the show was abused.

Sherlock is undoubtedly super influential in pop culture even now. It has to have done something right to be in that spot (capitalizing off loyal fans?). I’m not writing this rant to change someone’s mind about the series, by all means, I’m still gonna love the hell out of Gavin Lestrade, and absolutely lose my mind over Mary Watson. So do take my words with a grain of salt, I’m just disappointed that one of the most influential shows there is is just short of my expectations.

[kaladinstormsblessed]

how has the new fortnite news been effecting your reread i NEED to know because that is genuinely the funniest timing ever

well first of all, the news absolutely BRAINED me bc i was out in public running errands with my friend who knows nothing about the cosmere at all when the news first dropped so i had to try and explain that to her.

hero of ages spoilers below!

anyways! i first read mistborn back in 2016 and have not read it since, which means that i have a pretty good memory for major major events and general plot points but a lot of the finer details are gone. anyways, i forgot how fucked up this book in particular is (urteau locking people into buildings and burning them alive....), but that happened to spook and he sees (what he thinks is) kelsier (i know that it is not, but i don't have all the details - hemalurgic spike for sure but that's all i've got) so you have that scene of (not really) kelsier telling spook how to escape literally getting burned alive and spook is feeling very emo about the survivor and his place in the universe, and all that was going through my head are those videos of kelsier dabbing and dancing and playing basketball. and i know!!!!! this is a major theme throughout the rest of the book!!!!! like kelsier/not kelsier is around so much in this book! and all i can think about is him flossing! like "hey spook know you're about to die, but instead do you want to go take out tomato town." like. what do i DO with this information???? also i haven't read era 2, but i know that spook is influential in the development of that world so like. canon fortnite i guess! (thinking about that post on here that fortnite dancing is that universe's form of investiture).

[warsmith-38]

How I would do RWBY Pt. 0

Disclaimer: It is easier to improve what already exist than it is to create something new. Boy howdy do I know that. That being said, I believe that RWBY has more than its fair share of flaws and this is how I would do it differently if I was behind the reigns. This is just a collection of my opinions and ideas which in the end will probably amount to nothing. I felt the need to do this because my brain just decided ‘nah motherfucker, you ain’t thinking of anything else from now on’ and this is the end result for nothing else would satisfy my rage.

I wouldn’t quite call this a complete re-haul, but more rather a rework with some of my own brand of polish. It’s not a compete rebuild from the ground up in a different world with different concepts and themes, but how I would go about a second go around with the series from the base that is already there. If a detail is missing from my musings then assume it is either unchanged or removed, depending on context.

If some of my complaints were addressed after I stopped watching, I honestly don’t much care. If it takes longer than 4 seasons to fix what I view as fundamental problems, then it’s far too little too late for me. I paid scant attention to the series post my stopping point and liked little to none of what I saw.

Please do not take this as a specific attack on anything other than the writing of the show itself. This is not directed or targeted against anyone, regardless of position or feelings on the topic at hand. If you ignore what I just said and decide to take this as an insult, then I say that you need to be more self-secure in your tastes and interests.

Things I would remove + reason why

Silver eyed warriors as a concept- it’s more or less the same concept as dojutsu from Naruto. It’s the fucking sharingan (rubygan). It’s not quite chosen one level, but crap like this is the blight of good protagonists. It’s fucking eugenics that makes you awesome not your own skills or training but on your bloodline. No need for personal development or life-changing hardship when you have a built in power that can be cultivated like a fucking bumper crop.

Maidens- Wasn’t intended originally and only made the overall story more cluttered with power creep and plot device. It’s a similar problem as above. No need for training or anything if people can just kill the person who has the power currently and take if from them. Which, at that point, why do you want that power if you’re already strong enough to kill and take it from the person who has it to begin with? It’s something someone just shouted out and they rolled with it because it sounded cool in the moment.

The Relics- McGuffin dragonballs that serve as plot device and little else. A story can be told without needing to monotonously race for Excalibur or the holy grail. Considering the Maidens, I doubt that the relics were intended in the first place and as such if you can’t tell a story without throwing something in after a few seasons because you realized that you didn’t have a plot, then you’re not that good at telling stories.

Oscar- The show didn’t need more main protagonists when what was already there wasn’t being given enough characterization to begin with. For that matter-

Quite a few characters- The cast is cluttered and convoluted enough as is with seemingly important characters getting the shaft in favor of yet another new character that would barely do anything. Time and effort seems to be put into one-off schmucks that would be better served making the story not need poochie the dog, let alone several. Character integration is not ‘create a character to do one thing and then pretend they don’t exist’. There’s already plenty of characters than can be used wherever.

The overt shipping bait, especially if it’s just going to be taken up or abandoned on a whim- I don’t mean relationship building, I mean the obvious baiting of a relationship that, in the end, might not even happen. All it does is dumb down characters and character arcs, draw out pointless scenes, and make the fans have conniptions one way or another. People are pissed off whenever things don’t go their way with shipping so the only winning move with these people is not to play their game. Looking at you Klance and Zutara. Either don’t do anything or have a fucking plan and stick to it and not make complete swerves when fans get uppity. If it genuinely matters to you, then pretend whatever ship happens at whatever point, I don’t care.

Changes to the world that I think would go over better-

Everyone has a level of aura with a naturally high level generally meaning that they might be able to unlock a semblance. A semblance is unlocked through some sort of specific event, typically a stressful one IE: Yang and Ruby are caught in the woods by grimm and Yang gets frustrated and scared at not being able to defend her sister before getting angry and her rage mode semblance unlocking. Not everyone who unlocks a semblance goes into combat schools but it is a requirement for acceptance into most of them. Having the potential to unlock a semblance seems entirely random but has a higher chance with genetics.

There are two types of semblances: 1 is hereditary like the Schnee glyphs, changing only slightly, if at all, through the generations. 2 is a random personal power like Yang having her rage mode as compared to Raven’s portals. Whichever you get tends to be random with the occasional exception depending on genetics and the specific semblance.

Every 1 in assumedly 10 people who have semblances have the potential to have two semblances, often times, but not necessarily, being one hereditary and one random. The process of unlocking the second semblance involves immense emotional distress and in some cases might not even happen for the individual who has the potential, period, thus skewing data. This gives an enhanced type power but isn’t protagonist exclusive. It shows a higher than average power capacity, but isn’t a gamebreaker to the same level as a fucking kekkei genkai or getting the powers of a fucking demigod. A good amount of characters would only have one semblance and be considerable badasses despite it and even be able to beat a couple of the few that have two.

Establish Menagerie as the official Fifth Kingdom, the newest of the great kingdoms. Maybe not the singularly strongest or most influential, but make it so Menagerie and its people, the faunus, have a considerable role in the world’s affairs, if even from an isolationist standpoint. Don’t have them as even a semi thriving entity that isn’t a kingdom because that only begs the question as to why the kingdoms are so important to begin with then.

Make the White Fang a faunus supremacist group that has very little support, if any, from the faunus people as a whole. Faunus right issues are history for the vast majority of the world and the White Fang as a whole is only using the problems in Atlas with the SDC as a means of trying to gain power. There are actual faunus rights groups trying to make things better for their race in Atlas and other marginalized areas but the White Fang dislikes them on the grounds that they go against their goal and it makes them look even worse.

Fucking pronounce names correctly, I mean, Christ. Weiss, the word, is pronounced like ‘Vice’. It’s an actual fucking word. It’s the German word for white. It’s like saying tor-till-uh not tor-tee-ah. Blake is Bella-doe-nah not Bella-dawn-uh. Shit like that. No you don’t need to put on a heavy accent to say these words but pronouncing things so inaccurately just makes you look like an ignorant rube (no, that was not a pun). I don’t fucking care what your reasons are. Why use these words in the first place if you’re not even going to try to say them right?

Ozpin is order to Salem’s chaos. Ancient demigods of both archetypes vying for power across the ages and the innocent peoples of the world be damned in the crossfire. Neither are entirely good nor evil but both are not exactly helpful to the free peoples on the world and the continued livelihood thereof. Their progenitor god created them to try and guide humanity in a balanced way. That seemed to work at first, but then failed like a bad marriage and they waged war ever since like a bad divorce. The grimm are a creation of Salem’s to test humanity and make then stronger through conflict. Ozpin ranges from the lawman to the fascist fairly duplicitously. The two can only be permanently killed by each other but neither wants to get too close to the other because of that exact same reason. If killed by other means, they will resurrect after a fashion no worse for wear.

Overt changes to (and complaints about) Ruby Rose- It is a crime that the titular character has so little actual character beyond just being ‘Hyperactive Anime Protagonist #235’. Most of her (few) character traits are tell not show, and of course she’s got the fucking rubygan bloodline ability crap. She has next to nothing that isn’t allotted by default to most anime protags on the grounds of the stereotype. For the main character to have less character than any of the members of the fucking B-team is a travesty.

1. Give her a clear rebellious streak, a distinct problem with authority, and a headstrong attitude. Daddy doesn’t want her to be in danger, so she decides to become a huntress. She’s told to stay put, so she hunts down Roman. She’s told that she needs to stay home and recover, so she sets out on her own not thinking about the exact consequences. Make her the impetus for the team’s involvement with the problems of the world in the early seasons. Make her a driving part of the plot, not just being along for the ride or because someone else said so.

2. Give her blood knight tendencies. Make her VERY willing to get into a fight with the bad guys, not just fights in general, but fights against bad guys. Nothing over the top, but enough that she has a scene or three where she says “Shut up bad guy, skip to the part where we get to kick the crap out of you,” or something of that nature. Hyper combative characters are fun and ethical.

3. Give her more traits as a mechanic and weapon nerd. Include scenes of her fixing everyone’s weapons for fun or being able to analyze an opponent’s fighting style based on the type, design, and/or wear & tear of their weapon, make her a polyglot of weapons that can be at least proficient in using just about any weapon. Come to think of it…

4. Anything that could give her actual character traits. They don’t even have to be all that major traits, just give her enough so that we actually have a character with more definition than printer paper. She’s the main character, the titular character at that. This isn’t a video game with a blank-slate protagonist. If the main character isn’t even really a character, like, at all, then what’s the fucking point?

5. Convert silver eyes power into a second semblance for white fire vision that kills grimm like nothing else. Gotten as a hereditary semblance from Summer. Which is also why Summer was specifically targeted by Salem on the grounds that it makes her just a little too dangerous for her long-term plans. This makes it so she isn’t just the fucking chosen one, but still has a clear definitive reason to be involved against the big bad because, y’know, dead mom. Yes, this kinda goes into the whole ‘bloodline is what determines importance’ thing I wanted to be rid of, but it’s only a chance two generations instead of a massive lineage of nonsense and keeps more of the onus of involvement on Ruby herself.

6. Give her a very clear motivation that’s deeper than surface level. ‘Oh, I want to do the right thing’ is a flimsy as balls motivation especially compared to the rest of her team that has that AND an actual reason for thinking that way. Why does she want to be the good guy? What happened in her life that makes her this motivated to doing the right thing? Yang has her desire to find her mother (which, come to think of it, doesn’t necessitate being a good guy), Blake has wanting to make up for being a terrorist, Weiss has her desire to step out from under the shadow of her family’s reputation, even fucking Jaune, the b-team protagonist, who wants to live up to his family reputation, has a proper motivation to be involved in the story. WHY is Ruby involved beyond ‘I’m the main character’ level reasoning? As much as admitting it makes me wish to commit Sudoku, even SAO has better main character motivations. Good god, I need hooch after typing that.

Overt changes to (and complaints about) Yang Xiao-Long- Her arc was mostly fine, barring some of the pacing. Raven being a maiden undercut the message of ‘screw that deadbeat bitch, go to your real family’ by making her important to the overall world state and confirming a measure of later relevance but that’s more a flaw with Raven than Yang.

1. Keep her motivation about getting strong enough to find her mother but add in the clear desire to kick her ass for leaving her and Tai. Of course it’s more about just getting the answers to her questions, but the ass-kicking should also be a major component.

2. Amp up the rivalry between her and Mercury. Mercury was designed as an opposite to Yang, I mean for fuck’s sake, look at him. Consider their respective backstories too; both raised in a single father home yet one was supported and loved (if a little neglected) while the other was horrifyingly maimed and abused. Punch vs kick. It works.

3. Make her more protective of her little sister, explicitly going along with her personal crusade to keep her safe (safer, rather). If she’s supposed to be the good older sister, maybe just maybe, something more than lip-service to that idea should be done. Hell, maybe she can be overprotective like their father, or even the exact opposite, not really giving a shit and then learning to give one. That might lead to a little tension and growth between the two of them.

4. Make her semblance consistent. Is she supposed to have super saiyan rage mode or is it energy buildup and dispersal? Is it supposed to be both? Just make it rage mode, for the sake of fuck, and don’t flip-flop. Speaking of…

5. Give her anger issues. Flesh out her being the kind of gal that would start a fight in a nightclub when she doesn’t get what she needed with little justification. This would stem from abandonment issues from Raven, Summer (inadvertently), and Tai and her general thrill seeking personality. This could lead to tensions and dramas until she overcomes it and learns to use her aggressive feelings and not let them use her.

Overt changes to (and complaints about) Blake Belladonna- Shitty-kitty is shitty, here’s why.

1. Do something with the hypocrisy of being, more or less, princess of Menagerie, a world power albeit a minor one, and joining a band of terrorists that do more harm than good for the people they claim to represent. It’s like a trust-fund baby joining some charity organization in Africa for a few weeks, doing jack-shit to help, joining some jihadists, and then acting like she’s Mahatma Gandhi.

2. Make her arc less about running away and fighting Adam, more about realizing that running is for assholes and try to find her team to at least apologize for cutting and running like she did. Doing that and stopping Adam are not mutually exclusive. The friend thing should be the priority. As it stands she is almost rewarded for abandoning her team just to focus on her own problems.

3. Make her arc involve going from ‘There’s no such thing as pure evil’ to ‘Okay maybe some people are just too evil to work with’. Some people are too far gone and, despite still having good traits, will only ever continue to do evil things and don’t deserve the benefit of the doubt. Not everyone has some sort of good motive beneath the surface and, even then, does that matter when the only action they do is objectively evil? Still, y’know, save who you can, like Ilia.

4. Have Belladonna not actually be her last name. If she’s the daughter of a the chief of Menagerie, the closest thing the faunus have to a unified racial leader, then how the unholy shit does nobody recognize her name? She is, again, princess of Menagerie, yet nobody recognizes the name in a grander context. Have ‘Belladonna’ be a cover name so she can hide her identity better so that she’s using what should be a very recognizable real name in a tournament that is broadcasted worldwide. Her real family name could be “Nightshade” or some shit like that.

5. If she’s supposed to be ‘The quiet one’ maybe actually have her be quiet and not make big speeches every season or have loud arguments with her team. Just a fucking thought. If she’s still supposed to do that, then make her ‘the opinionated one’ or ‘the kind of mean one’ or even ‘the one who doesn’t shut up’. Blake, as seen, or rather heard, is not the quiet one.

6. Have her actually fucking interact with Ruby. Maybe they have a two-person book club. Maybe Blake teaches Ruby to meditate or something. Anything, anything at all would be fine, anything more than nothing at all. Blake’s whole interaction with the team shouldn’t just be through Yang and cursory scenes with Weiss.

Overt changes to (and complaints about) Weiss Schnee- You can’t solve racism with like two scenes.

1. Make the racism thing a much more gradual decay rather than more or less disappearing after a single conversation. Hell, make jokes about it, ‘oh, no, one of my best friends is a faunus,’ stuff. It’s hard to unlearn an upbringing of hate, but she’s trying type stuff.

2. Involve her at least a little with the White Fang plot. It only makes sense that the heiress of the company that still more or less has slave labor is at least semi-involved with the plotline involving terrorists that want that company destroyed. Make her subject to assassination attempts at a young age, or even have her been kidnaped at a young age and held hostage, getting her scar in the process.

3. As evident by some of the intros, her rival was supposed to be Emerald. This could be serviceable, at the very least. The street rat pickpocket that had to learn life lessons the hard way and was taken in by the baddies VS. the rich heiress born with a silver spoon but raised by a dickhead. There’s potential there and it is a crime that it is not explored in the slightest. Even Yang and Mercury had a minor fight.

4. Like Yang, make her semblance consistent. Is it supposed to be summoning or physics altering magic symbols? These are two completely different powers, it’s not like super speed also giving super reflexes or whatever. Just make it one or the other, don’t bullshit us on these things. Or, hell, make it a second semblance she gets during the course of story.

5. Emphasize her loneliness. Make the main onus of her personal arc be about how she goes from this prickly, spoiled, opinionated, brat to a warm and caring friend who only wants the best for everyone. Yes, this might be the main intention in canon, but I feel it could have used a little more refining.

Overt changes to (and complaints about) Cinder Fall- If she’s supposed to be Ruby’s chief rival and foil then she needs a lot of work to even be close. She shouldn’t be nothing but the rival, but at that same time she should have that be a considerable part of her characterization and role in the series. I feel the best way to do it is to have their similarities highlight their differences in both character and design. Basically, make her the Vergil to Ruby’s Dante.

1. Make her Ruby’s age. Being the same age as Ruby while initially outclassing her, and even veteran hunters, provides risk and contrast between the two. Throw in an evil sadistic streak compared to Ruby’s happy-go-lucky personality to further the contrast and you’ve got a good little yin-yang thing for them. It also shows just how bad someone can turn out if raised to be a killing machine.

2. Keep her using the bow/twin swords as a comparably simple weapon in contrast to Ruby’s, even in universe, overcomplicated Scythe/Sniper rifle. Both weapons are long range marksmen’s weapons as well as vicious close combat weapons but are still very different in essence. Also make sure she keeps the red with black and gold color scheme is contrast with Ruby’s Black with red and silver. Even minor visual cues can work to the rival schema.

3. Make her one of the people who have two semblances. Pyromancy (pyrokinesis? Fire bending, she has fire bending) and dilated perception (bullet time) so that Ruby’s super speed and the dilated perception cancel each other out, adding a little extra tension to the fights now that both parties’ signature abilities are moot points against each other.

4. Make her competent. She kills Ozpin and Pyrrha and then she either fails or draws every fucking fight she has afterwards baring nameless jobbers here and there. Even before that, she needed help to take down Amber and even manages to fuck that up. The more failures she has and the less intimidating she is. Too much of that and she’s just a jobber that makes you wonder why she was ever seen as intimidating in the first place. When that happens then Ruby beating her is just the status quo and not a triumph of any sort.

5. Make her Ruby’s long lost fraternal twin sister. Incredibly cliché, I admit, but siblings make the best rivals, especially twins. Once again, it’s all about adding the similarities and the contrasts. In this case it creates the ‘there but for the grace of god go I’ idea with the two of them. Ruby seeing it as how evil she could have turned out and Cinder seeing it as how weak she could have been (Eventually becoming how good she could have had it because I’m a sucker for redemption arcs) Who said that?

Overt changes to (and complaints about) Team JNPR- JNPR was fine-ish but the over focus on Jaune and the underutilization of Ren + Nora early on are both issues. B-team should not get jack shit before the A-team gets the lions share.

1. Downplay Jaune’s screen time. I doubt this is a particularly controversial statement. Jaune is not the titular character. This is (technically) a shoujo not a shounen. It’s supposed to be about the girls more than the guys. It kind of undercuts that idea when the guy (the side guy at that) gets the lion’s share of characterization, attention, and growth before the girl (the main girl) does.

2. Make Ren and Nora actual characters earlier on. Comic relief is all well and good, but either extend that to the whole team or make these two characters more than just comic relief in the early parts of the story. Make them, y’know, actual characters. They ain’t gotta be all that important, but they do have to be actual characters.

3. Make Pyrrha’s deathflags less blindingly obvious. We all knew Pyrrha was going to get clipped. The self-sacrificing type, all the musical and visual cues throughout, being based on Achilles, and ‘oh she just confessed to the boy she likes’. Homegirl was waving deathflags like an insecure redneck with the confederate flag. When you foreshadow obvious things that much it’s not a surprise to the audience when it happens and the reaction of the in universe characters seems overdone. If it’s not supposed to be a surprise then, whatever, but that’s clearly not the case if you’re going for just shock value. It’s fine for a character to die, but for the love of Jaysus you got to do something with it more than ‘this character’s sole purpose is to die for the angst and to up the stakes’. Pyrrha was just a plot jobber.

4. Make them a little more independent in the overall plot. Give them their own full sub-plots, have them go on their own little adventures, have them do things completely separate from RWBY that has plot relevance but not overtaking the main story in grandeur or importance. B-team gets B-plots and are cool in it of themselves.

Overt changes to (and complaints about) Qrow Branwen- Take or leave this, I just felt the need to include this because reasons.

1. Just make him Dante from Devil May Cry. Just make his personality the same as Dante from Devil May Cry. Make him stylish and cool but low-key a massive dork. He’s too cool to drink or smoke or anything harsher than PG-13. This series could use a guy like that, says I.

2. Make his semblance something that makes sense and isn’t just an angst generator. How do you even quantify ‘bad luck aura’ as a power? Make it short range teleportation as a connection to Raven’s portals. Make it so that he can direct the bad luck at will. Do SOMETHING with it that isn’t just an excuse for mostly pointless character angst.

3. This technically also counts as a Raven change but whatever. Make the Branwen family old nobility and not a loser bandit tribe from nowhere. Or at least make it so they used to rich or something. They come from a family that had a good amount of cash and even a chateau in Mistral. After the money dried up and the chateau ransacked by grimm, the Branwen twins had differing opinions on how to proceed. Qrow fully integrated into the hunter thing while Raven ran away and became a bandit, using it as further excuse to skedaddle on Tai and a recently born Yang.