#genuinely sorry if this is incoherent i just Believe more than i Think

[tothepointofinsanity]

what schizoid traits do you see in sayaka?

Ah, I think that Sayaka is canonically closer to a BPD interpretation, so the schizoid traits I see in her are more comorbid with the latter itself. Personally, however, it is more so of my own comfort to headcanon Sayaka as "schizoid" because of the themes of her alienation. Sayaka struggles with reconnecting with others and forming relationships that she desires, all the while isolating herself further and further away from her childhood best friend, Madoka. There are also codes of apathy and indifference regarding how she perceives her own body (a corpse) as an inhuman mobile, and how she eventually succumbs to her loneliness, a sentiment that carries over even to her witch form. As Oktavia, she drowns out reality by confining herself in a world she created - being in the centre of attention on a stage, something that she would not have achieved in the "human" reality. I think how Sayaka perceives reality and how she fails to be in tune with other magical girls is the biggest buzzer here. A person so out of place among even those with magic (as she is inexperienced, unstable and regarded as ineffective compared to the rest of the Holy Quintet), yet rejected as a human with the idea that she is inherently undesirable and unlovable, which perpetuates her mechanisms of "I can't be loved because I am not human and therefore I will not maintain any meaningful relationships".

As opposed to explicit traits, I feel that there are "codes" with her character/arc which resonate with my experiences more.

[voxisdaddy]

Collection of Pleasure

Hazbin Hotel NSFW Headcanons…

Fandom: Hazbin Hotel

Pairings: Alastor | Lucifer | Vox | Valentino | Velvette | Charlie | Vaggie | Cherri Bomb | Rosie | Carmilla | Adam | Lute | Emily | Saint Peter

C/TW: 18+, NSFW, MDNI, reader written as fem, cussing, various kinks, collection of a few subs x dom!reader, mainly the ladies are domming/topping lol, not proofread, some are bad im sorry, carmilla has two though bc its carmilla

In which in at least one NSFW headcanon for each character...

My personal NSFW headcanon for several Hazbin Hotel characters. This includes some of the main cast, the Vee’s, the angels, and some of the other characters ♥︎

𓈒ㅤׂㅤ𐙚 ࣪ ⭒ Alastor likes being the predator chasing his prey during his rut...

Sex with Alastor is pretty rare, happens occasionally but usually it's for special occasions like an anniversary. His ruts however? His favourite thing to do (aside from you) is have you run around the forest in his room while he hunts for you in his demon form. He can very easily catch you but he likes to let it play out before he pounces on you for like, two weeks. Goodluck lol

𓈒ㅤׂㅤ𐙚 ࣪ ⭒ Lucifer is an insatiable beast...

When he started crying and was quivering so bad one night, you thought that enough was enough and climbed off of him only for his hips to desperately follow you, thrusting into nothing. Despite his tears from the overstimulation you've given him for several rounds by then, he looked at you with teary eyes and begged you to not stop. A safe word was set in place because of that, so you made sure when to stop when he genuinely wanted you to stop. But despite how teary eyed he gets or how much he begs, he never uses it.

𓈒ㅤׂㅤ𐙚 ࣪ ⭒ Vox likes to watch himself...

"Oh you mean like in front of a mirror?" NO. Well yes but actually he loves getting it on with you in his office because all his monitors will showcase how well you're either riding his dick or fucking his ass with a strap. A few monitors will display his weeping face though thanks to you. He thinks it's humiliating and will try and change them to literally anything else but he can't exactly focus on anything when he's so lost in pleasure. So his weeping face and him getting railed it is. It's like he's your own porn star. This porn star whimpers "mommy" too so have fun with that.

𓈒ㅤׂㅤ𐙚 ࣪ ⭒ Valentino is capable of getting fucked dumb...

I know it might be hard to believe with him, but it is possible and it's why he's so obsessed with you. He's very experienced in sex, obviously; doming, subbing, top, bottom, doesn't matter. It's all good. The way you can somehow fuck him so good and bring him to so much overstimulation that all he can do babble incoherently? Mans is down bad for you and grows more romantically attached to you than he thinks. Often times the night after a particularly passionate and heated session, he heads to the studio with a slight limp in his step. The first time people saw him limping like that paired with his surprisingly decent mood that day, they knew; oh you're fucking good.

𓈒ㅤׂㅤ𐙚 ࣪ ⭒ Velvette is a pillow princess...

I 100% see her as a dom, and she very well can dom, but she's selfish and wants all the pleasure with minimal work. With the way she acted, especially when it comes to teasing you, it really through you in a loop when you got to bed that evening. Okay so you're topping-no big deal. The real surprise was when you found out she didn't wanna do anything to help you get off. Oh well. Sitting on her face and using a vibrator against her clit is motivational enough for her to pleasure you too.

𓈒ㅤׂㅤ𐙚 ࣪ ⭒ Charlie has a little bit of an exhibitionist kink...

a little bit. Kind of? Okay but you know the large window in her room we see her by in episode 1? Has rode your strap and/or fucked you with a strap right in front of that baby. Granted it's pretty high so not like anyone can easily look in anyways but it's still just not private enough that it does something to her. If she's ever potentially really ticked off sometimes she'll eat pussy aggressively while you're pressed, bare tits and all, against the glass.

𓈒ㅤׂㅤ𐙚 ࣪ ⭒ Vaggie likes titi's...

Whether your big breasted or sporting itty bitties, her hands immediately go to fondle them during heated make out sessions. She's kinda shy in the bedroom so don't take her boldness to grope your chest as her being dominant-she just can't help herself from groping you. Sometimes after sex she'll kiss your chest. Depending on where she kisses and if she'd biting or not, it may lead to another round.

𓈒ㅤׂㅤ𐙚 ࣪ ⭒ Cherri Bomb is the only person who can rival Lucifer over…

Eating pussy. Whether your sitting on her face or her head is buried between your plush thighs, my girl loves to eat. And she eats like her life depends on it. Even when you think she may need a breather and try to move she’s very quick in pulling you back and keeps you there firmly, often smirking when you’re overstimulated and squirming.

𓈒ㅤׂㅤ𐙚 ࣪ ⭒ Rosie loves thighs...

Call her old fashioned (cuz she is) but seeing your exposed thighs just does something to her. I mean how scandalous! She spends a majority of her time in Cannibal Town which is trapped in the 1910's. Everyone is dressed in only the most stylish and modest clothing from that time period. So if you ever come strutting about, publicly or privately, in a little something that exposes more of your figure and especially your thighs, expect to have dozens of hickeys decorating your inner thighs by the next day.

𓈒ㅤׂㅤ𐙚 ࣪ ⭒ Carmilla always says she has no favourite sex position but she does...

it's 69. She prefers to be at bottom since it makes it easier for her to finger you while simultaneously assaulting your clit with her tongue. And of course while you're down there she likes to keep you trapped with her thighs. Because i mean look at them thighs!!! MMHHMMM!!! I see her leaning more towards dom so like, if you're able to focus on eating her out without getting distracted as little as possible then she'll reward you good.

I have two for Carmilla that I desperately want to share so here's my second one; she loves having you keep her strap warm while she does paperwork. Just you sittin pretty on her big plastic dick, occasionally gripping your thigh when you squirm too much. Will play with your clit if you're being needy-try not to squirm too much though or else you ain't getting anything once she'd done her work for the day.

𓈒ㅤׂㅤ𐙚 ࣪ ⭒ Adam secretly cherishes your more intimate sex...

As much as a dick (master) this guy is, he definitely has his vulnerable side. During some make up sex after an argument and temporary separation that could have very easily lead to your guys break up, he found himself unusually emotional as he was balls deep in ya. He didn't cry, as if he'd allow himself to do that especially at a time like sex, but he felt it. The pull at his heart strings, the relief that washed over him that you two were still together, the way your lips uttered his name like a prayer., It was a surprise to him and one he'll never forget.

𓈒ㅤׂㅤ𐙚 ࣪ ⭒ Lute cums surprisingly fast via fingering...

You found this out when opting to use your fingers to do the job over the dildo, strap, and vibrator. She already knew she came fast via fingering but didn't want anyone to know that-she came almost embarrassingly fast and it sometimes felt like it wouldn't stop. This hit her ego a little bit considering that she's stubborn as all hell but she could barely defend herself when she kept cumming around your fingers. Safe to say you had quite a lot to lap up that night.

𓈒ㅤׂㅤ𐙚 ࣪ ⭒ Emily gets wet easily...

is it really that surprising? You found this out when you were kissing at her neck and reached down to her uplifted dress and felt that slick wet feeling between her legs. She was very flustered and even more when you teased her for getting this wet over a few neck kisses-there was only one hickey (so far).

𓈒ㅤׂㅤ𐙚 ࣪ ⭒ Saint Peter has a thing for light bondage...

Nothing hard obviously but his wrists being bound together or to the bed via rope or handcuffs gets him going. It puts him in a position where he's completely at your mercy. Blindfolding him is on the table as well-his other senses are heightened as fuck making him react more enthusiastically to your touches and whispers. Even though he's into it it's also a double edges sword cuz this guy needs to touch you and not even being allowed to look at you either has him whining.

This has been in my drafts for weeks lol some of these aren't to my personal standards but I was really running out ideas that were both fitting to the character and weren't too basic/a repeat of another's. I didn't wanna exclude some people from my original roster so I toughed it out lol

sometimes my posts get shadowbanned for literally no reason and at random so it would mean the world if you reblogged this thank you <3 no pressure tho!

[6sakusa]

𝐀 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆

𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍 𝐉𝐀𝐄𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐗 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑

Content: FWB relationship, missionary, fingering, mating press, creampie, riding, jealous!eren, him just being soft tbh.

A/N: Not proof read and written on a whim sorry not sorry.

Summary: Eren Jaeger is genuinely incapable of doing friends with benefits, he always seems to have problems with the ‘no strings attached’ part of it all.

You knew some of Eren’s friends and he was pretty renowned around campus, so the day you met him you can believe that you were pleasantly surprised to say he lived up to the hype and more in terms of his gorgeous face. Surprisingly he took quite an interest in you, the pretty girl with Jean’s arm slinged around her shoulders? Oh he’s got to know more. When he got your number he was elated and as expected, it didn’t take more than a few text exchanges before getting you in his bed but something about this was different. Maybe he was just pussy-whipped but he genuinely, for the life of him, couldn’t stop fucking you.

“T-Too much.” You manage to get out through your moans, it’s practically incoherent but by the way you’re clawing at his back while he’s balls deep inside, hammering you in missionary while he presses light kisses to your collarbone even has him surprised. He pulls away from you, slightly, just slightly to your earlobe where he whispers, “You can take it for me, can’t you?”

And of course you do, but the strangest part is that even when Eren fills up the condom he can’t stop, pushing your legs against your chest and fucking you in all kinds of devious angles that have you falling apart in seconds. “Fuck I can’t stop, can’t believe I wasn’t in this pussy sooner.” He whines out against your ear, pushing the both of you into overstimulation countless times.

It’s safe to say you were spent after that but to his your surprise and his, the next day he’s calling you again, asking if you wanted to come over. There was one rule that Eren Jaeger lived by, never fuck the same girl twice. It was simply because he didn’t want to give them the wrong impression, he wasn’t looking for anything serious, anything along the lines of a relationship was an absolute no-go, so he thought it was best to avoid any remnants of that all together. But yet he’d somehow convinced himself there wasn’t any harm in going at it with you again, you were his best afterall.

By the third time he told himself it would be the last time, that was a lie. As hard as he tried to get you off of his mind it wasn’t possible, sex with any other girl felt mediocre after you which left him with only one choice: Running back to you.

“So what do you think about us making this a thing?” He stops halfway through unbuttoning your top, he’s got you trapped underneath him, pupils blown out from your makeout session from just seconds ago.

“A thing?” You raise your eyebrow, a light chuckle escapes your lips in amusement from such cryptic language and for some reason it pulls at Eren’s heartstrings. What was this overwhelming urge to hear you do it again suddenly?

“Yeah a thing.” He repeats, “Like we fuck, no strings attached.” He asks nervously, fumbling with the next button on your shirt a little nervously.

“Are you asking for friends with benefits?” Your expression contorts into one of disbelief, for a second he thinks he’s messed this up and he’s about to lose the best sex he’s had in his entire life until he hears another laugh escape from your lips. “Okay, no strings attached.”

And just like that his lips are back on yours again.

Turns out you really do become friends, you talk constantly on the phone which though, does usually lead to sexting over the following weeks you become closer and closer to one another. The next time Eren tries to get with a new girl his mind wanders back to you, your pretty face, your gorgeous body, your cute little laugh. And the moment he gets his cock out to fuck her it won’t get hard, like physically it can’t. That was definitely one of the most embarrassing experiences of his life, not only was his mind being stupid but now he couldn’t even control his dick when it wasn’t about to be inside of you. That day he left that girl very disappointed, a huge blow to his ego and perhaps reputation but for some reason he finds himself outside your door instead of his own dorm he was planning on going home to.

And surprise surprise, the moment he sees your face, peering up at him with your head cocked into the side in confusion as to why he’s showed up without a word at this time, oh he’s rock solid. Naturally, to make up for such an intrusion he fucks you crazy, enough that it takes twenty minutes for you to regain your ability to speak afterwards. He’s convinced he’s in a slump right now, soon enough he’ll get over this and be back to getting around with whatever women he wants and then he’ll be able to end your agreement once and for all. Yep, that was the plan.

“How are you gonna get home?” You raise an eyebrow, walking out of the bathroom with a toothbrush in your mouth. He can’t help but laugh at you, no one would’ve known how hard you were getting fucked just an hour prior. “You didn’t drive here right? So you left your car.”

“I can walk.” He pulls up his sweats back up, looking at you in a manner that he probably shouldn’t be.

“You can stay the night if you’d like.” You wave him off, wandering back into the bathroom to finish off. It takes him much longer than he should to respond but he does, eventually.

“Here?”

“What?” You laugh, cocking your head to the side. “You don’t like my place?”

“The beds a little small.” He jokes, peering down at the same thing you just fucked on. You roll your eyes, grabbing yourself some fresh pyjamas from your wardrobe. “Well I’m sorry that it wasn’t designed for a six foot four man.”

“Don’t do that, you’ll boost my ego.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Through all the jokes between the two of you his head is screaming at him that this isn’t a good idea, but when you show him your favourite blanket that he wouldn’t be allowed to use he’s convinced of two things. You’re way too cute to say no to, and the fact that you won’t share your things with him is a good sign. This isn’t intimate, it’s nothing but a good friend doing him a favour.

There just wasn’t one thing he’d anticipated, how much he would love cuddling you in your bed. This was detrimental for him because now he craved it after sex. The next time he was finished with you he opened his arms out once you’d cleaned yourself up, albeit awkwardly considering he’s never consciously done this before.

“What?” You look at him with confusion, your expression only deepens when he frowns, “You hungry or something? We can order food.”

“Yeah.. what are you up for?” He mutters out, closing his arms instantly. That was the last time he decided to not have the courage to ask you to cuddle because he felt strangely empty afterwards.

Obviously, you’re a bit surprised when the emerald eyed devil in all his six foot glory stutters when mumbling, “C-Can we cuddle?”

“Huh? You wanna cuddle?” You almost snort, Eren had obviously avoided anything on any lines of being intimate, the second the two of you had a conversation unrelated to sex and he realised that he would waste zero time throwing an inappropriate joke in. Just a reminder of what your relationship with eachother entailed, nothing more.

“Why are you saying it like that?” He pouts, rubbing his temple with two of his fingers lightly. You seemed surprised and he definitely felt embarrassed.

“I just didn’t expect it from you.” Your furrow your eyebrows, realising that oh, Eren Jaeger was actually being serious when he was asking you to cuddle right now. You seemed reluctant and that’s when he knew that you were in deep in this agreement as he was. Fuck, you might even be worse. You’ve never proposed to do anything intimate and now you even looked like you were about to flatly reject his proposition, how had he let it come to this. There was only one solution, pull out the big guns and guilt trip you out of his embarrassment, “I thought we were friends with benefits, don’t humans need physical touch to survive? That sounds like a benefit to me.” He folds over his arms, all whiny with pink littering his cheeks.

“Okay okay.” You scoff, rolling your eyes, knowing that he could go on until tomorrow if you didn’t stop him. You make your way over to him on the bed, allowing him to engulf you in his arms. He relishes in his victory with a smug expression on his face for a few minutes until you randomly say. “I can’t believe you like this.”

“What? You don’t?” There’s an overwhelming feeling of worry in his chest that he can’t quite discern, the feeling that you may not like him past being friends. But why did he care about that? He shouldn’t, he didn’t like you past being friends? Right? So why had he still not fucked another girl in months? Why was he finding it so hard to get it up without you? He pushes those thoughts to the back of his mind and does what he does best, makes it into a game. Now he was on a mission to get you to fall in love with cuddling, he had his arms around you every chance he could get. Especially after sex until it became a routine with the two of you and you couldn’t fall asleep in his arms otherwise. It was nothing more than mission accomplished he told himself.

At that point the dynamic of your friendship started to change, he couldn’t help the urge to want to see you more often which meant that he invited you out with his friends as much as he could. And he couldn’t regret something more because now Jean had you wrapped around his stupid finger, laughing at all his jokes while you brushed your hands on his chest. God, it made Eren sick.

What was worse it when Jean started sneaking into your sex life, that was his final straw.

Ren: Wanna come over? I’ve got your favourite cookies

You: Extremely tempting offer but im out right now, save them for me?

Ren: Where?

You: Jean’s place

Ren: You never told me you were going there lmao

You: ?

You: Was I supposed to? You don’t tell me when your with other girls

Except he was never with other girls these days. So the next time he saw you he asked straight up if you and Jean had sex. You gave him a strange glance but nodded reluctantly, not knowing if that was actually any of his business or not.

“Oh.” He responds, playing with his fingers, an excuse to do anything but focus his gaze on your pretty eyes.

“Is that.. a problem?” You raise an eyebrow.

“No.” He says so quickly that you’re almost shocked, like he’s so sure of his answer that he doesn’t even question it. “We’re not exclusive so do whatever you want.” He scoffs, it’s more of a reminder to him than it is to you but you can’t help but wince at his harsh tone. It’s just like Eren to cause an argument because he doesn’t have it in him to convey his real feelings. So the next thing you know he’s rambling about STDs, how you having multiple sexual partners isn’t safe for him and how the two of you should break off your agreement. None of it made any sense considering Jean was the only guy you’d fucked in months other than Eren and you knew nothing about what Eren got up to sexually either. Anyway, it was safe to say you stormed out of his place that day in tears and fuck did he feel so bad that he wanted to cry himself. Especially when he finds out that the first place you went after that was to Jean’s house. God he was so mad at himself.

After some time when he finally builds the courage, and albeit after a drink or two he turns up at your door step, it’s a heinous time to be banging down your door, he knows. Of course, your roommate isn’t happy about it either but when he’s telling you how sorry he is and how much he misses sex with you it only takes a few more sweet, yet filthy words to get you writhing under him once more in your bed.

“So sorry baby.” He reminds you as his hands pull your lace panties down a little, he really did miss this so much, missed you too, such a pretty sight. “Want me to show you how sorry I am?” He asks teasingly, running his fingertips up and down your sensitive thighs.

You nod slowly, your breath hitching as he sports you his signature grin. You haven’t seen that in a while and you know exactly what it means. He wastes no time sticking his finger inside of you, he’s memorised your body by now, the way you like to be touched, your little reactions to what he does, the exact angle that his finger needs to hit to get you to cum in under a minute. “Shit.” You fist his top, pulling him down into a messy kiss.

“You like that?” He asks against your lips, his fingers continue to work magic on you. “Did you miss me?” He asks, pulling away slightly while he begins to work into you much quicker than before, it’s enough to have you moaning under his touch. “Tell me how much you missed me.”

“Missed you so much.” You breathe out, he rewards you by pressing his thumb to your clit, rubbing it in circles while his fingers pump in and out of you. You’re falling a part so quickly and you’re easily reminded that no one can make you feel as good as Eren can.

“Yeah?” He breathes, “You gonna show me? Gonna show me how much you missed me?”

You nod and he makes a negative sound, completely unsatisfied with your answer. “Gotta say it gorgeous.” He whispers against your earlobe, “You know how I am, wanna hear you speak.”

“I’ll show you.” You manage to say between moans, your name is on the tip of his tongue and the familiar feeling is in your stomach once more but he doesn’t let you cum, slowing down once he recognises the way your cunt feels when you’re about to spill over the edge.

“Not yet.” He laughs, “Tell me, how are you going to show me?”

“Gonna let you fuck me, I’ll let you fuck me as hard as you want.” You whine, grabbing onto his toned arms in protest, hoping that it will be enough to get him to let you cum.

“You promise?”

“I promise ‘Ren.” You nod, he pulls his fingers out of you and stuffs them in your mouth before putting them in his own. It’s filthy really, no one would ever believe the two of you were anything more than fuck buddies but you loved it, you loved that out of all people Eren could be your dirty little secret.

The next second he has his hands pressing your knees against your chest, you practically yelp in surprise when he pushes his cock inside of you without warning. “Then take this fucking dick like a good girl, can you do that for me?” He doesn’t give you any time to adjust to his pace, he’s pounding into your mercilessly enough so that lewd sounds are filling the air that can’t even be disguised with either of your moans. “Don’t need to prep you properly right? Considering you’ve been fucking other guys.”

You tighten around him at his words, he’s being so mean and you hate when Eren’s mean to you, except in the bedroom, God is it a turn-on. “Oh you like that? Fucking slut.” It was becoming more and more obvious that Eren was in fact mad about you and Jean, this entire thing was a jealousy fuck put simply and my was he putting on his best performance.

The kiss he pulls you into the next second is such a contrast to his dominating demeanour, it’s so gentle and sweet, the type that you give to someone you love and for some reason you can’t help but reciprocate it. He leaves light kisses on your neck, knowing that you would never let him mark you, trust him, he’s tried. The second his lips pull away from your body he’s back to being mean again, picking up the pace even more than before. “Eren— fuck.” You can’t even get out your words.

“Feels good?” He asks, usually he doesn’t like it when you only give him a nod but he knows that right now he’s fucking you absolutely stupid and there’s nothing else you can do. “Who else can make you feel this good huh?” He slows down his strokes, wanting a genuine answer from you as he wraps his hand around your throat. “Tell me, who else?”

“No one.” You whine as tears prick your eyes, he has no mercy for you, not a care in the world as the headboard of your bed slams against your wall. You’d have to apologise to your roommate later. “That’s right, no one.” His thumb brushes your cheek lighty. “So whose pussy is this?”

“Yours!”

“Correct, mine.” He grins smugly, he knows it doesn’t really count considering he can get you to say anything as long as he’s balls deep inside but still, for some reason the sentiment means a lot to him. "You're being so good for me, you wanna cum?"

"Y-Yes please." His expression darkens for a second and he's worried that the time away between the two of you has meant that you'd forgotten the rules of the bedroom.

"Yes please, what?"

"Yes please daddy." You correct yourself instantly and he grins with satisfaction, being nice enough to press his thumb against your clit one more. Rubbing it in soft circles while he bucks into you faster until you're clamping down against him.

“Fuck missed this pussy so much, missed you so much." He says in pure ectcasy as he throws his head back. And for someone who was banging on about safe sex the last time you saw him it's surprising that he had zero reserves about fucking you raw and then cumming inside.

He releases spurts of cum into you and it's almost shocking how much he fills you up, when you were first fondling with his balls tonight you told him how heavy they felt while grinding on his thigh. You'd figured he hadn't fucked anyone in a while, now you could confirm that with the way white thickness was trailing out of you. For the first time, Eren does all the things he never used to before and you can't help but think it's so gentleman-like. The way he rushes to clean you up, not leaving you to do it yourself, the bath he runs for the two of you, the way he changes your bedsheets and for once how he isn't running off home the second he's nutted. Instead he has you in his arms and even more shockingly stays the night.

One thing he hadn't anticipated with all your time away was how much your relationship with Jean had progressed. It was only when he woke up the next morning, seeing you in your pretty little dress and face full of makeup that he wanted to ruin so badly that he realised. "Oh finally, you're awake." You spin your legs in his direction from the chair you sat on opposite your vanity table.

"Nice treat to wake up to." His eyes trail your body shamelessly, and his hoarse morning voice only has your blood rushing south. Eren looks gorgeous in the mornings too, he always does.

But there was something about his hair down against the pillow, the light pink littering his cheeks when he's realised that he's engaged in something intimate last night, his pretty eyelashes when he gazes at you. And don't get started on the way half of his abs are visible through the bedsheets considering he's so adamant on sleeping shirtless.

"You going somewhere?" He asks, propping himself up a little with his elbows. "I thought that maybe we could grab breakfast or something." He continues with a little frown on your face. Eren has never proposed grabbing breakfast before, like ever.

"Sorry." You say, grabbing your bag, double checking that you had everything you needed.

Your perfume fills his nose and he has to bite back a smile, he's so glad to be back. "I've got a date but feel free to help yourself to breakfast here."

"A date?" He practically erases the last part of ot your sentence from his mind, "With who?" He raises an eyebrow, fully sitting up now.

"Jean." You give him a look that reminds him to watch his words considering how he spoke to you the last time he came up.

"Oh.." It felt like that was the only thing Eren knew how to say when it came to you with another man, he was speechless. The time away made him realise he liked you, of course he fucking liked you. What he hadn't yet realised is that he loved you, all those months together meant that you were the girl that had captured his heart and now knowing after last night you'd be off with Jean?

Oh he felt sick. "So you guys are getting pretty serious then?"

"I mean I guess." You shrug, "But we're not exclusive yet."

"So what does that mean for us?" He asks, you've never seen such hurt in Eren's eyes the way you were seeing it right now. The words were almost taken from your mouth but you were doing what was best for you. When you'd first started your arrangement with Eren you were warned by your you were warned by your friends about him. You didn't listen, the sex was too great for you to bother. Over time you realised you'd started developing feels for him and if there was one thing about Eren Jaeger it was that he was allergic to the word intimacy. You'd never have what you truly wanted out of him. So when Jean came around with all the affection in the world your friends convinced you that was what you deserved so naturally, you made an effort.

"Us?" You raise an eyebrow, "Well I guess we'd have to stop what we're doing. obviously." You point between the two of you, hopeful that he wasn't about to suggest cheating if you and Jean did get together.

"Right." He responds plainly, it's extremely blunt, why wouldn't it be? He's got nothing else to say. "We can still be friends though."

Oh that one really hurt. "Yeah.. friends."

"Look I'm already really late, l've got to go but l'll see you later okay?" You don't give him anytime to respond before rushing out of the door, the air was so suffocating in there and you could feel the awkward unspoken tension that you didn't have it in you to face. It takes a lot considering his heart has just been broken but eventually Eren gathers the strength to stand up, waltzing into your kitchen for said breakfast to see you roommate Sasha giving him a scowl. He wasn’t sure if it was because she didn’t like him or if it was because the two of you were too loud last night. Either way he wasn’t interested in that, he was much more fixated on the freshly bloomed vase of flowers that were now on your kitchen island that he’d never seen before. He figured they were Sasha’s, he knew she had a boyfriend because you’d told him.

“Nice, did Niccolo get these for you?” He raises an eyebrow, hoping that it would be enough to dissipate the awkward silence between the two of you.

“Actually…” She turns around with a smug expression, “Jean got them for y/n.” She shrugs, going back to whatever cereal she was pouring. Fuck, he was beginning to doubt himself. Jean seemed like the perfect guy for you, he’s been taking you out on dates, getting you flowers and now he knew the two of you were sleeping together, it was only a matter of time.

The next time he texts you is a few days later, he makes the highest effort possible to not bring any form of sexual speak into the conversation. He was determined to show you how much he cared about solely you and your day. Imagine his surprise when you told him that you and Jean had a date planned tomorrow.

You: Honestly I think he’s finally going to ask me to be his girlfriend

Ren: About time

You: Tell me about it

Ren: If that was me I wouldn’t have ever waited that long

You: Stop being a flirt

Ren: Come on, you know me

You: Yeah I do

You: Kinda gonna miss you ig

Ren: Kinda?

You: Yeah just a little

Ren: I’ll miss you less

You: Just a couple days ago you were in bed whining about how you missed me so much though?

Ren: Low blow

You: Come on, you know me

Ren: Not funny when you do it

You: Shut up you love it

Ren: Yeah unfortunately I do

You: Hey wanna come over? One last time for old times sake

Ren: Fucking you before you become someones girlfriend? How romantic

You: Is that a yes?

Ren: You know it is

And now that he was back in your bedroom, legs spread out while you bounced on his cock because he was adamant on the fact that he did all the work 90% of the time during your FWB relationship, he realised how much he simply cannot let you go. He wasn’t sure if it was the fact your pussy had his head going foggy but once he felt you gripping around his cock, he could only tilt his head back while using his hands to lift your body weight up and down his shaft. The moment he was cumming he slipped into confessions that he probably shouldn’t have, “Fuck baby I don’t want you to leave me, I love you, I love you so fucking much you don’t even know.” He moans against your ear while filling you up.

You can hardly process his words until you’ve come down from your high and you’ve got your arms around his neck while he rubs your back soothingly. You’re so out of breath from riding but he presses a kiss to your temple and it’s enough to calm you down, “You did such a good job, you always do.”

Seconds later your eyes widen, remembering what he just said. You pull away from him, a shocked expression on his face as your eyes search his for any indication that he’s realised what he’s said. “You what?”

He pouts, “Don’t make me repeat it please, it took everything in me to admit it already.”

“Adm— You mean that? Like actually?”

“Of course I do.” He sighs, running one hand up and down your waist slowly while the other cups your face. “I know I’ve been a dick for a long time and I never really had the courage to say anything but I like you more than you know. Fuck that, I love you, everything about you. The way you laugh when I tell you the stupidest joke, your pretty face and these eyes when you’re about to scold me for something, every inch of your body that you’ve let me explore, all these little beauty marks that you have, especially this one here.” He places his hand on the small of your back.

“I have a beauty mark there?” You try to turn around but of course, you can’t see it.

“Yeah you do.” He laughs, “And it’s perfect, just like you.” For a moment he pauses with a sigh, “I know Jean is going to ask you to be his girlfriend tomorrow but—“ He gulps, “But I don’t want you to be his girlfriend! You said you were mine and I don’t want things between us to end, I don’t want you to leave me!” He begins whining.

You fall into his chest and for a moment he thinks he’s said the wrong thing before you start— laughing? “What?” He raises an eyebrow.

“I would’ve never expected you to say something so.. pathetic.” You shake your head with a laugh, “That’s so like you.” You whisper.

“I’m pouring out my heart here.” He deadpans.

“Sorry.” You shake your head, “Please continue, I love hearing it.” You say, placing a light kiss on his lips.

“If you feel anything for me..” He begins again nervously, “Anything at all then don’t be with Jean, I’ll treat you so much better and we can do all the things you want like go on dates and I’ll get you flowers—“

“What are you suggesting?” You finally ask.

“I have a proposition.” He smiles, pressing his forehead against yours.

“Another one?” You laugh.

“Yeah, how about we make this a thing?” He points between the two of you before resting his hands on your waist once again.

“A thing?”

"Yeah, me and you, boyfriend and girlfriend, a thing."

Thank you for reading, if you enjoyed likes and reblogs are appreciated & requests for Eren Jaeger are open for more <3

[sixosix]

END NOTE | THAWED

a little love letter to my readers

to start off, i know that the series is based off the entire reputation album, but i like to think that this whole series was written around call it what you want.

how it started LMFAOOO

This was previously titled ‘melt’ before i was like ‘nah ill make it, like, thaw” and earthtooz went, “Thawed?” little did earth know,, that name would literally take over my docs,,, my tags,,, my ENTIRE account

A message to my readers: From the bottomest bottom of my heart, if you have reached this series until the very end, thank you so, so much for reading. Read that sentence again. And again, until you realize how grateful I truly am as a writer. Thawed is such a big project that I still can’t believe I was able to even start. I genuinely never thought it would garner this much attention, and in all honestly, I was intimidated by it, because I had no idea what I was doing, and I was afraid I would disappoint.

This entire project was intimidating, and I considered so many times to just drop it and end it on chapter five. I struggled so badly to write after I introduced the characters, and I thought: “well, that’s it. I guess it was fun.” I even told my friends that I would do that; and yet 14 chapters later, look at where we are now 😭

Writing it was so exhausting. Working on a series while studying as a student really makes it difficult to remember details about my own story T__T I had to reread Thawed so many times to the point where I don’t even like it anymore.

But I know the reason why I decided to continue it! It sounds so horribly cliche, but it’s true. It’s thanks to all your overwhelming support :( Each ask, comment, reblog—they all fueled me more than you think. All those replies of even incoherent gibberish made me realize that, ‘hey, someone read it and liked it enough to send an ask about it. Maybe I am doing something right!!!!’

some thawed extras for readers who are interested

If you haven’t noticed, the chapter titles aren’t actually accurately about the chapter. Those titles were taken from the songs in the Reputation album, in order. And the chapters are loosely based around them!

reputation is, like, widely known as the edgy album from taylor, but in reality its such a big love letter and i know that other people noticed that, too! i think it’s very fitting to the story of thawed: it’s dark and messy, but at the end of the day, it’s a love story. do you get what i mean hehe. i hope that’s how the series came across…

im sorry if aether doesnt appear in the last chapter :( in my head, mc is coming home. and by then i dont think aether would be in fontaine at all! but rest assured they definitely have met up twice or thrice while in the other regions heehee. Also aether will ofc be there for their weeding. 🙏

i have nothing much else to say aside from thank you for reading! i hope u enjoyed thawed as much as i did

[laura1633]

Do you think that there is a chance that Max would go to Mercedes ?

I think there is always a chance that anything could happen in F1. I remember seeing the Lewis to Ferrari social media reporting and laughing thinking it was just gossip and that turned out to be true.

I have added thoughts after the cut but they are a little incoherent.

First and foremost Mercedes would have to show that they are more competitive than Red Bull. They have had some good races this year but it seems dependent on the track and temperature and there have also been some mistakes strategically etc. At the moment it is still looking like Red Bull will be more competitive in 2025 but there is a long way to go this season and I don't think Red Bull fully understand the RB20 or know which direction to go in development-wise which is a huge concern. These cars are going to follow through to next year so if they are struggling to get to grips with it then next year could be very tricky. I can't quite work out how quick the RB20 is because I do genuinely believe that Max is an exceptional talent and is getting more out of the car than it deserves. So for now I don't think Mercedes have shown anything to suggest they will outperform Red Bull in 2025. 2026 is a complete unknown though and could be more weighted to who can produce a good engine.

I think Max would prefer to stay at Red Bull. He has been there since he was pretty much a child and they do seem to adore him. I do think it would be rather sad if Max had to leave that team, especially when I think back to his radio after winning the title and how he asked if they could do this for another ten years 😭 I also can't imagine Max without GP so I think it would depend on if GP would be willing to move 😬

I just don't think Mercedes is any more attractive than Red Bull right now unless Max has concerns about the 2026 regs.

If Red Bull don't get their shit together and fall behind and Mercedes still aren't an attractive option then maybe he will decide to go and race in another series as I doubt he wants to be driving a car if it's not even capable of winning. He has so much talent. Ultimately I don't think he needs to win 7/8 championships, he will still be considered one of the greatest of all time if he retired today. Going and competing in a different series would cement his racing legacy further if he was at all bothered about that.

I think for now Red Bull are just about on the pace (although I think Max is making them seem better than they are) so no need to panic but they do need to show that they have a clear direction for the car going forward. I refuse to live in a world where Max goes back to the number 33 and Lando is driving around in car number 1 (sorry Lando fans absolutely no offence meant but I am a Max girl.)

Honestly I trust him to do whatever is right for him with the information he has and even if that means he ends up sim racing full time and having the absolute time of his life then so be it. He's worked hard since he was a child, achieved his ultimate goal of a championship and deserves to enjoy himself. I will still cry like a baby when he eventually retires from F1.

In short, there is a chance that anything could happen but I think for now Red Bull is still the best option for him, they just need to keep pushing with the development and stop relying on Max (and the strategy team) to cover up for the lack of pace.

I also can't believe Max to Mercedes is an option after the way they talked about him in 2021 but things change and in F1 being in the right team at the right time is paramount.

I wish Ferrari could get their shit together because I would quite like to see him in red for a season (but Ferrari are still out there doing Ferrari like things)

Wow that was so long, I am so sorry.

[idyllic-affections]

Hello! I really appreciate that you are willing to write platonic fics🥹 Can I request douma with gn reader? Can be any trope you want

the founder's companion.

summary. doma has a child now! what could possibly go wrong?

trigger & content warnings. canon-typical blood & violence, cult discussions, doma is his own warning.

tropes, pairings, fic length, & other notes. fluff. doma & demon!child!reader. 0.6k words. they/them pronouns for reader.

author's thoughts. hello dear! not only am i willing to write platonic fics, i ONLY write platonic fics teehee..... though i have posted other demon slayer requests, you were my first, so thank you! that's so real of you 🙏 this is pretty short, i'm sorry! if you would like a bit of a longer post, please do send in a slightly more specific request.

doma definitely has a habit of picking up random, orphaned, half-dead kids off of the street. he would totally do it all the time. he picks up random kids and turns them into demons. he just thinks they're so pitiful! it's so sad, he could just cry for them... seeing poor little children with no other hope forsake humanity and slowly become cruel demons is very entertaining for him, though. children are the pinnacle of human innocence, after all.

because of this, literally no-one is surprised when he shows up to an upper moon meeting with some kid balanced on his hip.

did he procreate??? did he take them under his wing after murdering their entire village?????? who knows. the other upper moons sure as hell don't. they don't care to either.

(akaza is kind of worried though because what the fuck? who let doma of all demons have a child??)

doma is oddly enamored with them, cooing at the way they absentmindedly toy with the ends of his blonde hair.

it's almost as if they feel no fear, no concern over the fact that the third most powerful demon in existence is holding them in his arms as if they were his own child... not that doma would feel anything towards a child of his own, of course.

if anything, the child he holds seems downright bored, murmuring some incoherent complaint about being dragged along again as they tiredly lay their head on upper moon two's shoulder, drifting in and out of consciousness.

the fact that they hold little fear towards muzan is also very concerning, but perhaps that has to do with the cult leader's influence; he sure as hell doesn't fear muzan, why should he teach them to?

they have no regard for... any demon, for that matter. the upper moons are collectively quite surprised to see them smile slightly at doma; it's the most expressive that little kid has been since the demons laid eyes on them... maybe that's part of why he took them in? their overall minimal expression seems to have made doma fond of them.

when they do express something, however...

their little fanged grin is very cute in doma's eyes. he thinks they're very cute. <3

he says shit like "you're so cute, i could just eat you up!" but he's dead serious. they genuinely don't give a single fuck. they probably just reply with something like "do it. i dare you. coward. you won't."

they're right, he won't.

(he could; he just chooses not to.)

i wholeheartedly believe daki and gyutaro would be jealous of them. doma knows this. he finds it funny, or as funny as an emotionless demon could find something to be, anyway.

those two know better than to harass them, though. it's in their best interests to let that child be, no matter how jealous it makes them.

doma is not the demon to enrage. the siblings know that; it's best that they don't push their luck with him.

the eternal paradise cult adores them.

(it's mostly because they wouldn't dare do anything to upset their founder, but still! some of those people are genuinely enamored with lord doma's little companion.)

everyone's always doting on them, spoiling them with the same twisted, religious love that they treat doma with.

what's really worrying, though, is that this demon child will inevitably grow into the same twisted habits that doma has.

akaza worries that they'll end up like him.

upper moon three is a demon; he's not heartless (some demons are, he supposes, but he is not one of them).

his concerns are reasonable.

because really, when faced with doma's tendencies towards messy bloodshed and violence, all they do is huff and point to a newly stained carpet: "look what you did. you got her blood on the new carpet, doma-sama. that will never come out."

demons have twisted relationships, but at the very least... doma's done nothing to hurt them.

hopefully, he never does.

please consider reblogging, it helps me out a lot!

[prismbearer]

Okay i was looking at some tags and saw yours regarding how Raphael knew to make the hammer. We're never given a timeline so it's unclear when he made it BUT in regards to how he knew about Orpheus I had a theory that's becoming more and more sound the more I think about it.

Raphael knew about the Emperor since the very start. He's showcased this when he first meets you and mentions the tadpole in your head (he's not just referring to the literal tadpole in your brain). We know he knows about the existence of the Emperor because when we meet him at Sharess' Caress, he straight up shuts us off from the Emperor. I think it's one of those things that subtly hints how powerful the likes of beings like Raphael are. And of course this means he knew about Orpheus.

Now, we've seen Raphael literally just pop into the Astral Prism on a whim after you betray the Emperor and if you didn't take his deal in Sharess' Caress or steal his hammer (not killing him essentially). So the question is "why couldn't he have just done all this himself, why bother with us if he is that powerful?"

Because the Emperor was there.

That's why he pops in the MOMENT the Emperor physically leaves that realm. The Emperor is his biggest enemy in regards to influencing you (they're both essentially opposite sides of the same coin. Both manipulate you, both want you on their side, you're super crucial to their ultimate goal/freedom. The Emperor wants to be ultimately free from the influence of the Netherbrain, Raphael wants to become the ultimate Archdevil because the one with the most power in the Hells has ultimate freedom). That's why he immediately shuts him off the moment you step foot in his room at Sharess' Caress, why every time you being up the Emperor, Raphael gets hella annoyed/very serious (and it vice versa for the Emperor, warning you adamantly not to go into the Hells because of your safety AND because his influence cannot each you there). Raphael always knew that Orpheus was there, he just couldn't risk it while the Emperor was there as he's not only an illithid but a pretty powerful one. Raphael's diaries showcased how he genuinely feared the presence and plague of the illithids and Korilla tells you that illithids "make terrible clients" (basically non of Raphael's infernal tricks can do much because they're already of a hive mind. The Emperor, not under any influence just showcases that he's MUCH more powerful and a threat than any regular illithid). Can you imagine what it would be like to have Raphael and the Emperor in a scene together? That would be amazing!

Sorry if this got incoherent. Am writing on a phone in a car rn 😂

🥺 Thank you for enabling me! I haven't had a chance to rant about Raphael and the House of Hope for a while... (AlSO I love your Raphael gifs, bless. 💞✨) I am also working but I can't resist the reply so. Messy.

The Hammer and the timeline is something I am honestly SO CURIOUS about. We know that Raphael had dreams about the impending illithid debacle, but not necessarily when... I suppose those dreams could have occurred early enough for Raphael to investigate the truth and then come up with a plan to assist with the process.

However, the very concept of Raphael dreaming about this potentially universe altering shift as a warning is so intriguing. Did this come about under divine influence? Was it because of some sort of artifact or attachment Raphael has with an ability to precognition? I imagine something like divining or altering aspects of the future would appeal to him, but it seems TOO BIG a thing to leave unmentioned behind the scenes. (Unless it was meant to be revealed with additional content, a form of excuse or method he might survive Mephistopheles. But I believe there's no intended additional content as of release so... unlikely?)

I'm assuming Raphael investigated the illithid and the Absolute and knew what Gortash was up to. He'd probably have kept tabs on him even after he "escaped". That is also curious to me, the fact that Raphael would not try to retrieve him as an asset-- since he would see the loss of any asset as an affront to his power and pride... I'm assuming they probably had some sort of deal that if Gortash left the House of Hope he'd be free, and so Raphael kept him prisoner literally thereafter? Give me backstory Larian, pls.

Perhaps the dreams were not as dramatic as Raphael presented them. Maybe they were normal dreams if he was already keeping up with the plan for the absolute and trying to figure out how to use the situation to his advantage. If he was already aware of their plans, not insane to think with his discomfort at the concept he'd essentially have nightmares when the whole scenario puts his dreams at risk. Also I'm sure the idea of an escaped asset winning his dream artifact (crown that makes you a god) would make him feel sick and furious enough to have nightmares... (do all devils dream or is that just like, a side effect of him being a cambion?)

As for the Emperor, I'm assuming you're right and Raphael was aware of the Emperor early on through those plans. Feasibly as early as the gate before the Emperor was sent to retrieve the prism? I'm iffy on how long it might take to build a hammer like that, or where Raphael got the knowledge to do so however. (Note to self, look up passage of time in the hells?? Is it linear to the prime material, or does it vary like the feywilds?)

I do wish there was more direct interaction, since as you said the two are almost different options for the same endgame. Raphael goes all cards in assuming that Tav & Co would never choose an illithid over a charming devil like himself. He suggests the "devil you know" and then goes out of his way to be more forthright and theoretically trustworthy than the Emperor who is constantly trying to keep you out of his business and focused on what he wants. Instead, Raphael invites you to his home, makes you familiar with his nature immediately. He doesn't even demand your soul for the Hammer.

Tbh the scene where he cuts off the Emperor with a snap was fascinating to me, an absolute turning point for my Tav for their relationship with the Emperor. I thought it was haunting and a reality check as to how deep they are in these machinations, between these powerful entities, just by being in the wrong place at the right time.

They're both fascinating and the same in the worst ways (depending on perspective IG) but also so different. I have a lot of feelings about the Emperor too actually! They're so fun. But yeah 100% you are right. Though I think Raphael would also hate illithid because they'd be a terrible audience. Would the Emperor appreciate his little songs and scripted plays? No. And given the nature of illithid devils have almost no reason to deal with them, unless it was strategic maybe. Theoretically, there's not a soul to be had?

I think Raphael would be annoyed trying to script encounters with the Emperor, and that whole presentation and structure is important for him. It's where he gets his confidence and sense of control, which is why he is also furious if you break your role and betray the plot of his plans. There are different paths to dealing with him and Raphael plans those encounters, but if you disrespect him by stealing the hammer he is offering so generously (for a devil) he is Done. Just like the Emperor is also very Order oriented and seeing Tav and Co as assets tbh.

I'm personally of the mind that the Emperor was the illithid that infected you and the party during/just before the attack on the nautiloid. He knew the gith would follow and he needed new "thralls" or agents to do the work he could not when he needed to keep Orpheus and also cannot truly navigate the open world as an illithid. I've seen arguments against this of course, but I don't see the Emperor as Good or Evil. The Emperor is ultimately selfish, even though he himself would rebel from the nature of the hive mind, he still looks down on those who are not evolved (non-illithids). He sees himself as even greater than other illithids, given his personal power and history and the fact that he managed to escape the elder brain. I think the Emperor turning the group Makes Sense. It doesn't change the fact that it did protect you and guide you back to the Gate... but above all things the Emperor just wants you to be good agents and do what he plans so the brain is destroyed. Not accounting for his personal curiosity at how you advance with these altered tadpoles and how different from him yet the same you can become.

Personally I think the Emperor is fascinating and his writing is good. Its interesting that the Emperor is as flexible as the player. He responds to you based off what would please or position you the way he wants. He sort of acts like the player character in that to him you're the companion and he is doing what it takes to get your Approval. And if he can't have your approval, he will struggle for your obedience. (Or so he says.) They're very similar but different.

I hadn't considered that Raphael could handle retrieving the crown himself by trying to free Orpheus on his lonesome just because... game structure tbh haha, but that's a valid point. Feasibly, you could consider that Raphael could use the hammer himself to free Orpheus... (Or send some hired entities or assets...)-- the gith have made deals with Devils before etc. And Orpheus will cooperate to keep the illithid threat at bay. However, Raphael is so theatrical I think he'd see narrative dissonance in such a choice for himself as well. The whole structure of the wayward heroes crowning him after they save the universe etc is in his wet dreams. But I can also see that considering the Emperor... it is probably smarter than Raphael, though perhaps less cunning in terms of creative plotting. They're two "masterminds", and Raphael might have feared crossing threads directly. While the Emperor killing him might just send him back to the hells.... I'm not sure if that weakens devils or if they lose anything in that exchange? Regardless I'm sure Raphael would rather avoid death, and the Emperor would probably gun for his death if at all possible given how furious it gets about Raphael's involvement.

[jinxed-sinner]

I feel like people don't acknowledge that Alastor wanted the hotel to fail at first and literally in Dad Beat Dad he kicks Mimzy out because her presence puts the hotel's success in danger. Like. Sorry to the people who think Alastor’s just an antagonist but I don't think he's as antagonistic as people act like he is. Sure, he likes trolling people, and sometimes his jokes are sadistic, but I don't think those inherently make him evil.

We're given all these little hints at what Alastor is actually like but I don't feel like they're really acknowledged much. Like obviously Alastor’s still a mystery, but there are so many hints that imply he's not really as evil as people act like he is. He doesn't like Lucifer but still looks happy that he's stepping up as a dad. He started off hoping the hotel would fail and by Dad Beat Dad he told Mimzy to leave because she risked the safety and success of the hotel (even telling her "You're welcome to stay if you want to give redemption a shot" which implies not just that he believes in redemption but also that he thinks the hotel can work). He steps in to help Charlie explain to Rosie why they need her help when Charlie starts panicking and gets incoherent. He takes Charlie to Rosie in the first place. Husk and Niffty still have plenty of freedom, they're more like Alastor’s associates or business partners than anything else.

I genuinely feel like people are acting like Alastor is more evil than he actually is. I also stand by what I said earlier this week, I firmly believe Alastor’s putting on a facade as a defense mechanism. It cracks multiple times before his mental breakdown, those cracks are just incredibly subtle and you won't recognize them as cracks in his facade unless you're paying attention or are rewatching Hazbin Hotel and know why Alastor has a mental breakdown in The Show Must Go On (that being, he almost died defending the hotel.

[panandinpain0]

Told Him...

Part One

Okay, as promised, more to Fisherman's Son- and I'm honestly dragging this plot on its ass because I don't know what the fuck I'm doing anymore-

Mini rant: just got a new job this week and it's kicking my fucking ass. I'm so tired and I just wanted some twilight so maybe this will help. Also- I need to figure out a new writing process- because this shit aint working anymore.

Here ya go-

Fluff Jasper Hale x Male!Reader Part 2

Warnings: Swearing

--

"OH MY GOD-" (Y/N) shrieked as Emmett and Bella appeared on the sides of his car. They smirked at each other through the window and then shoved their hands into the doors, creating large hand-shaped dents. Not slowing, (Y/N) was still in shock, making incoherent sounds as his car was pulled to a stop by the hot guy's siblings.

Ripping their hands out of the doors, Bella and Emmett stood next to each other by (Y/N)'s car. The other Cullen's joined them as (Y/N) tried to open his door. After it wouldn't, he brought his leg back and kicked it, the door swinging open with the damage Emmett had left at the driver's side.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" he instantly cursed at the group, shutting the door harshly and inspecting the damage. "What did you do to my car?" he practically began to cry on the spot.

"Sorry," Emmett apologized, though his face gave him away.

"You better fucking be," (Y/N) shot back, standing up straight and glaring with the fury of hell in his eyes.

"We'll buy you a new one," Jasper promised, stepping around the car to be closer to (Y/N).

"...No. Nope. This is bullshit. This is batshit crazy. First, you and your family try to get me to look for my dad, and then they can run as fast as my car. And then they can stop my car with their bare hands. The cherry on top is that you just so casually stated you could drop thousands of dollars on a new car." (Y/N) deadpanned at Jasper, and then the group.

Genuinely sheepish now, Emmett and Bella rubbed the back of their necks, awkward smiles on their faces.

The group hadn't realized that in their attempt to make Jasper happy they'd completely disregarded that (Y/N) knew nothing about vampires.

"Do you think it's too soon to tell?" Rosalie asked aloud, looking at the others. There were mixed reviews, but Jasper made the decision himself.

Turning to (Y/N), Jasper took his hand. Confused and tempted to object, but not, (Y/N) inspected him with suspicious eyes.

"(Y/N)."

"...Jasper?"

"My family and I are vampires."

A moment of silence rung as (Y/N) stared at him with a completely emotionless gaze.

Then he let out a breath through his nose, slowly smiling as he started laughing. He was laughing so hysterically, in fact, that he was bent over, one hand still in Jasper's as he tried to catch his breath.

"Wait, wait, wait-" he choked through the laughter- "you expect me to believe that vampires exist?" Saying it out loud caused him to laugh harder.

The other's just stared at him, Alice with clear concern, while Jasper tried to control his reaction to what was happening.

Wiping his eyes from tears of laughter with one hand, the other still in Jasper's grasp, (Y/N) took a deep breath and let it out audibly.

Looking around at the group and realizing they weren't joking, (Y/N)'s jaw dropped.

"...Really?"

Rosalie nodded, arms crossed and a smirk on her face.

Needless to say, (Y/N) saw black.

...

"You told him after knowing him for not even a day?" Carlisle scolded, the sounds muffled by the wall as (Y/N) woke up.

Eyes flickering open, (Y/N) blinked at the harsh lights around him. Standing up from a lavish bed in the middle of the room he gulped with nerves, hypervigilant of everything around him.

"He's awake," Edward warned from the next room.

Everyone walked in slowly, trying to startle (Y/N) anymore than they already had.

Taking a deep breath, (Y/N) started to talk.

"Where am I?"

"Our house, the Cullen resident. Middle of the woods, remember," Jasper reminded, a fond smile coming on his face. It caught Esme and Carlisle by surprise, seeing him so casual in a way he hadn't been with his own family.

Nodding as he thought about it, (Y/N) sat back down on the bed, fingers running against the soft, dark red blanket.

"Where's my car?"

"Had it towed. Emmett and Alice are out getting a new one as we speak," Rosalie responded, sighing as she idly looked around at the walls. She wasn't in Jasper's room hardly enough.

"What about my stuff?" (Y/N) asked, brow creasing in panick.

Bella pointed to the corner of the room, showing the suitcases and bag of items from the car.

"Okay. Well I guess the rest of my questions involve the... information I was told."

Nodding in understanding, Carlisle pulled up a seat near the bed, looking at (Y/N) at eye level.

"Jasper told you we were vampires, correct?" he started.

"Yeah."

"He wasn't really... supposed to do that," Carlisle revealed, giving Jasper a pointed look. Jasper just shrugged and sat down near (Y/N), who still hadn't stopped his advances.

"Well, he did. What does being a vampire even entail?" (Y/N) asked nervously. The rest of the family bid farewell as they knew the next couple of hours would be explanation and stories.

Jasper took (Y/N)'s hands that were nervously picking at each other and held one in his grasp, fingers gently rubbing across his warm skin.

...

"It's been a while. It's already dark outside. I think it's time you get some rest," Carlisle explained as he stood up.

"I don't want to go back to my dad's house, especially while he's still missing," (Y/N) immediately objected, becoming tense. Jasper rubbed his fingers across (Y/N)'s knuckles and watched as his shoulders slumped back down.

Carlisle gave Jasper a disapproving look for using his powers on him before turning back to him.

"You can stay here, if you'd like. We have a guest room just down the hall, or you can sleep in here."

(Y/N) nodded, thanking Carlisle and watching him walk out.

"Do you want the guest room?" Jasper asked gently, looking at the side of (Y/N)'s face.

"No... I think I want to stay in here."

Jasper gave him a small smile and moved so that they were facing each other, crisscross on the bed.

"Well, since you know all about me, I want to know about you," Jasper said with a half smile, eyes gleaming.

"I don't know all about you, though. I know all about you being a vampire, but nothing else," (Y/N) corrected, watching Jasper play with his fingers.

"What else is there?" Jasper jokingly responded, doing a double take as he saw (Y/N) glare.

"What do you mean, 'What else is there'? I want to know you. Not what you are. Like... what's your favorite color? Or... favorite food? Oh, well, I guess you don't eat anymore. Wait- if you don't sleep why do you have a bed?" (Y/N) suddenly realized, looking around at the bed he sat on.

"It's still nice to lay down and close your eyes, even if you can't sleep," Jasper explained, a faint smile on his face. "Fine, I'll tell you about those things, but we have to take turns. I say mine, you say yours, deal?"

"Deal," (Y/N) smirked back, leaning forward as if drawn physically to Jasper.

...

Esme walked in a few hours later with a plate of food for (Y/N), stopping with a bright smile as he saw the position they were in. They had moved to the couch by the window, both looking out it. (Y/N) laid between Jasper's legs, head on his chest. Jasper was playing with (Y/N)'s hair, rubbing his back as they quietly talked to each other.

She left the plate on the table next to the door quietly and left the two alone.

End

--

Welp, there ya go everybody who wanted this! I hope that was an okay ending, I was feeling comfy today and really really REALLY want to be in this situation. Sadly, vampires don't exist and I don't live in Forks Washington :')

-Author Max <3

[tenderhungering]

okay now serious jack hc time bc i feel like im going CRAZY thinking about this (and have a fic set during/slight after this event); theres a mention in the info dump at the beginning that jack took a month long break from the show and fled ny…WHERE DID HE GO THO

these two asks are the same thing so i’ll be combining them !

i don’t want to do armchair psychology because i am not well versed at all in psychology unless its a collective behavior situation (i’m a sociology major) but i would like to make note of the fact that there are times, where after someone’s death, some people might throw themselves into religion. i’m not saying jack did this specifically, or he’s displaying behavior of someone who is experiencing religious psychosis (as in, it might be perceived by others as this if he tried to explain what was going on in his head after minnie’s death, not that he’s actually experiencing it) but i don’t think it’s uncommon for someone’s grief to turn to something they believe to be more powerful than they are.

jack had just lost his wife (whether this be through his own hands and he is now carrying this guilt or he legitimately thinks she passed away from her illness and it isn’t till the in events of the film that that part of his brain is no longer repressed and he’s met with that information does not matter shh, we can deal with that some other day) and he wants so desperately to find solace in something. i don’t think jack is religious (did he ever mention his faith in the film? imagine he was raised catholic or something and this is all another layer or catholic guilt, hah.) so he goes to what people worship; power & money.

i always imagined he spent a few days in he and minnie’s shared space, he’d leave her chair she would sit in the living room empty, couldn’t bear listen to any music, especially anything that contained piano, theatre seemed ridiculously now — no one could really nail it like she did, and now he kind of regretted having so many pictures of her in his bedroom. he just needed out of there, and right into what he has turned into his religion. i don’t think it really matters if he went to the grove or the cult (though i think he went in that order? first the grove, he felt like it wasn’t enough. he needs something bigger. something the size of his want. his desperation has turned biblical.) he was going to lose his soul to either one eventually, he was going to kneel before those he thought more powerful than he and beg for him to become something because after minnie, he really doesn’t have anything to lose (other than himself).

i’d imagine it was sort of a journey of self discovery? well, more like loss of his own. i think he very well just lost sight of himself during that month — enough to go from something like the grove (who tbh i’ve always seen as just some sort of elite club that’s terrifying just because of how much they worship one another and power, i don’t think they have any actual ties with the occult. it’s like a bunch of grown men playing pretend, baha) to abraxas. some of the most powerful people he knows worship abraxas. it wouldn’t be surprising to hear jack also likes thinking my suffering has made me special. i’ve had to give up more than anyone. i’ve been punished more than anyone. whatever is giving me this hurt feels stronger for me than it feels for you. my reward will be bigger. i’m the favorite sacrificial lamb.

also i did wrap up my semester which is why i have been able to be so active lately. sorry to everyone who has had to scroll past my account’s incoherent thoughts under this tag so much. i get the same adrenaline that mothers gain in order to lift a car whenever it comes to chatting film ! so thank you everyone for questions, you guys are genuinely so sweet to enable my behavior, actually! however, it doesn’t always have to be questions, it can be your own thoughts / headcannons / suggestions / dropping by to say hi ! whatever !

[dodscans]

If you don't mind asks regarding your thoughts on the latest chapter of DoD, why do you think Suleiman is accepting Ibrahim's answer that he supports Mustafa as the eldest prince despite clearly not believing that's all there is to it, and warns him not to err in his judgment of the matter of Mustafa and Mehmed? Do you think it's possible that he knows about Ibrahim and Hurrem's night together and is testing Ibrahim to see if he'll answer truthfully, or something like that?

Hi!

No, I don't mind at all! I think as things stand at the end of our latest release, Suleiman suspects that something is going on between Hürrem and İbrahim, and that something is more than simply politics. Because obviously, one would expect İbrahim to back Mehmed.

But I also feel that Suleiman legit doesn't care if his former boyfriend loyal retainer fucked his waifu or not, and he's genuinely enjoying this "game of thrones." In one of the chapters, he said that he was fine with any of his sons succeeding him provided that he manages to overcome his brothers. That really was how the Ottoman succession worked: there was no heir apparent, and the princes almost always went to war or proceeded to kill each other when their father died. Suleiman's ascension to the throne was an odd case as he didn't have any brothers when his father died, so I feel like manga Suleiman wants to see how the brotherly competition would go, and he finds it amusing.

So, becoming the sultan was a matter of capacity: the prince who could come to the capital first to claim the throne without being toppled by other princes on the road "deserved" the throne. Suleiman wants to keep that tradition, and warns İbrahim not to do petty things like trying to support Mustafa without actually believing him to be the most fit to rule. Anyone can tell that İbrahim is not a huge Mustafa fan. He comes off as anti-Mehmed more than anything.

Like you said, Suleiman is kind of pushing İbrahim to come clean about his motives so that they move on with the tedious state affairs. He wants İbrahim to know he's not buying his fake Mustafa fanboy-ism. He's not a jealous man, but he wants honesty. I don't want to give spoilers, but I just want to say that you'll LOVE chapter 74. ;)

Sorry, I'm just rambling and being incoherent because it's too damn hot here...

tl;dr: Suleiman want İbrahim to know that he knows, and to stop trying to take him for a fool.

[star-girl69]

DUDEEEEEE. She calls me baby youuuuu ate that harrrrrrrd. Like I had to go back in for seconds and thirds and fourths fr fr. Cause are we even surprised or are we just grateful that you give us mortals a second of your time and talent????

Babe you are so incredibly talented. The way you write is sooooooo amazing its like you just know how to manipulate your words into something that will and has had me in tears in like 2 seconds. Don't even get me started on how you write your characters. Like I don't know how I can fully and most genuinely express the astonishment you leave me in all the time.

I believe that you are one of a kind and a treasure to be cherished. I know that doubting is inevitable but I hope that you know that I'm always gonna be in the obsessed with addie corner no matter what. Like I meant it when I said that there won't be a time when you have no fans. Ever. You will forever be my favourite gorgeous goddess❤️❤️❤️.

-❤️

(I'm sorry I've been so absent school has been actually eating me alive)

(I think about you everyday though and it makes life just that much better)

(I hope you don't think I'm exaggerating😭😭😭😭All of this that I've been feeling without releasing had to be sent in a long ask my bad)

(I missed your little bonuses though, I hope you're doing okay)

(I'm always here for anything you may need, even if its literally just to tell you how amazing you are)

(love you ❤️)

#jealousclarissesupremacy

I WAS WONDERING WHERE YOU WERE I WAS SO WORRIED I SMILED SO HARD WHEN I GOT THIS ASK 🤭🤭

I CANT THAT WHOLE SECOND PARAGRAPH LIKE I CANT LIKE WOWWWW YOU THINK THAT???? ABOUT MEEE??!!!!??!?!?!?!!

TREASURE IS INSANE BTW 🤭 anyways omg. i’m so grateful wtf like i’m sorry i cant come up w something more poetic like you i just love these asks so much i get so happy and idk how to express that other than ilysm and i’m just so happy and so so grateful

also gorgeous goddess… i giggled 🤭🤭🤭

(ITS OKAYYYYY IM GLAD YOUR BACK SCHOOL HAS BEEN COOKING ME TOO 💔💔)

(EVERYDAY??!?!?!?! i think about you everyday too tho….. thinking about that one day you were so active and i got like 5 asks from you… BEST DAY OF MY LIFEEE) (also pls don’t take this as me pressuring you TRUST i am grateful for whatever you give me 🙏🙏)

(STOP. I. LOVE. LONG. ASKS. DONT ANNOY ME BY DOUBTING MY LOVE FOR YOU!!!!!!!)

(idk i’m okay i’ve just been really feeling pressured to write stuff bc the fandom is dying down (guys pls come back) and i am now firmly addicted to the praise and number of notifs i get…. lol. the bonuses have always been weird bc sometimes they come so easily to me like the first one i did was so it goes and i didn’t even have to think about it and then someone said they liked it so i went back and did it to my other fics and started doing it and idk yeah basically what i’m saying is sometimes they’re so easy and other times i have to force myself to come up w something which sucks but people like them so i’m happy to do it!!!!)

(tbh i’ll probably go back and add a bonus to she calls me baby bc i have just a little teeny bit of ocd and it will bother me but also i’m trying to let the little things go but idk we’ll see how strong i am 😭😭)

(sorry i will stop ranting now) (shoutout to anyone who actually reads that incoherent ramble)

(i need to be told how amazing i am 24/7 so that will be hard 😔) (BUT I APPRECIATE YOU SAYING THAT)

(LOVE YOU TOOOOO 💋💋💋)

#iagreesobad

[just-a-random-person24]

STARK'S MIND EPS 23-33 W/ FINAL NOTES I AM FINALLY DONE

Episode 23

“This is going to be as easy as rationalizing String Theory. Which is, not at all.” Freemind 🤝(not liking String Theory) Stark

“Maybe they maintain water slides down here.” Why would Black Mesa have water slides??

Tries to come up with a nickname for the Barnacles and fails to

Starting to enjoy shooting things at this point, definitely not something to be worried about at all

“It's like going for a nice drive, except the tool you're using is actually designed for murder.” Guns are in fact not made for murder and also that is not a normal thing people say

has done track and field before but wasn't that good at shot-put (adequate at best)

Worried about Eli but figures Kleiner can take care of himself

Episode 24

Doesn't know how to play chess

Aliens are now becoming more obnoxious than something he's worried about

Times he hit random switches/buttons without knowing what they do:2

Houndeyes can cause temporary hearing loss!

Apologizes to the corpses of scientists and promises he'll make it up to them

Episode 25

2 songs play in the background! Somewhere Over the Rainbow and Pure Imagination to be specific

Wishes that Lamarckian Evolution was true

Shoots at bugs on the ground, please don't waste your ammo my guy

Also once again mentions wanting a smoke

“I also don't feel hungry anymore, but that's probably not a good thing.” I had to look through so many different causes for something like this, other than nausea things like stress and depression can also cause something like this

As someone mentioned in the comments, all bullsquids are hermaphrodites!

Likes Long Distance Calling, apparently? Would not have taken him for a rock guy

Episode 26

Thinks him talking about his last words is foreshadowing

Little note but I like the sound effect used when putting the MP5 grenade in the gun. It's neat

“I don't even have the motivation to scream in anger.”

Doesn't understand what the guard means by ‘better clear your dance card, slick’ (I don't either tbh)

Just… this entire ending part good god. Love Anion's voice acting

“I refuse to believe they would go this far!” It's the military they would've done worse

 Like I mentioned over in ep3, he uses repeated phrases to ground himself (specifically ‘this isn't real.’ and ‘I refuse.’ in this ep)

I think this is the first time in the series we see him genuinely mad

Passes out from the stress and exhaustion he's been experiencing at this point

Episode 27

Weakened to the point he can barely stand

“I'm sorry mom… I'm sorry dad… I should've come over when I had the chance…” HEY OW??

Fully accepts he's going to die as long as he saves people

He just sounds so exhausted in the beginning part of this ep

“No aliens can make me go deaf.” I mean, not permanently

Doesn't believe he's fighting all the aliens the res-cas has brought in

Sees the military wrote a message in scientists/securities blood and assumes its a cult thing

Another injury mentioned is a bullet wound on the cheek

Episode 28

loses his hearing on the left side (this whole ep made me think my earbuds broke when I first watched it)

“Now they're treating me like an actual threat.” They haven't before?

Ignores the maintenance body to focus on the view

Surface is becoming the militaries base

Episode 29

longest episode of the series (21 minutes)

no intro. Going straight into the episode

still suffering from hearing loss

This whole intro is just, such a good look into his current feelings

He's pushing away his own feelings to focus on saving people

Fly Me to The Moon plays for a bit

It sort of sounds like he's about to pass out while on the tram? (very incoherent and mumbling before snapping back awake)

Cannot tell whether or not he's tripped because of how light headed he is

r.i.p whatever hearing he had left (explosive right to the front of the tram)

once again, phrase repetition (‘I can do this’)

this is about Black Mesa itself, but they changed the line from ‘all I know, this guy's been killing my buddies’ (or smth like that) to ‘all I know, this guy's been killing marines’

I'm just gonna quote the whole line here and then go and talk about the bits I want to cause that will be easier than pausing and going

“You… You gun down unarmed, innocent people without a second thought. You think I'm the one responsible for the bloodshed? But only now are you stopping to think about what you're doing? But your uncertainty is irrelevant. Innocent people are dead because of you. Blood is on your hands. Nothing will change that. And for that, you all deserve to die. And look at this! You bastards tried so hard to stop me from getting here, from launching this rocket. You did everything you could, and it wasn't enough.”

“Innocent people are dead because of you. Blood is on your hands.” It sounds more like he's talking about himself more-so than the marines

“And for that, you all deserve to die.” Like in episode 26, he's just so mad. There's nothing but pure contempt in his voice

That entire line just, feels like a major shift for Stark's character and god I just need him to get therapy

“Me- sorry, Freeman, not getting here.” There's, no real reason to make the distinction? They want Freeman but you're still the one getting stopped

Again, not the episode itself but I really like the weapon holstering animation

Is not even sure that firing the rocket was worth it.

Takes a well deserved rest :)

Episode 30

He is not taking that rest.

Also, not about the episode itself but man Anions voice acting in this ep sorry I really like this ep

Wakes up due to a flashback (I think I hear someone faintly going ‘you'll pay for what you've done’ at the end of it)

This entire episode is just, such a good look into Stark's character

Has his full hearing back

“No matter how hard I try to press on. All I do is… A-All I see are…” He is… not coping

Tried to be the hero so he wouldn't go crazy because of everything

Not going through everything because he truly wants to save everyone, more-so trying to save himself

“I just came here to help my mom…” Oh my god 💔

Episode 31

The sound effects when he jumps off the tram?

Also sound effects for slipping on wet metal??

*Various underwater talking here*

he got his pseudo-bath finally

Immediately panics at seeing a hanging down wire thinking it's a Barnacle

“I'm so glad there's no aliens that are aquatic.”

so, so much underwater stuff

First reaction to seeing the shark (I'm not calling it its actual name) is to try shooting it and blowing it up instead of freezing in fear

Episode 32

Yeah no this room is weird in hindsight why is there a cage suspended in the air in the middle? With a crossbow and ‘tranquilizers’ in it??

Black Mesa has always been flexible with ethics! good to know

“Coping's not universally symptomatic.” I hate to break it to you man but you aren't coping that well either

Vortigaunts electricity isn't strong enough to kill a man when there's only one

He can do a pull-up finally 💖

Gman sighting 🧍‍♂️

“Lifeless cor-...” *kills a barnacle* “Lifeless corridor.” He needed to have his moment

Episode 33

Used to work at a moving company for his uncle Aaron

“Thankfully no one is around to hear this…” Has he been saying everything out loud this whole time???

okok stupid detail I really like is his glasses fogging up when he goes from the frozen room to the warm pipes

introduction to the assassins

“3 body's, technically 4.” What… is the ‘technically’ here? Himself? If he's counting himself then man :(

tbf, full body leather suits would be really inconvenient in practice. Imagine how squeaky it gets

doesn't like breaking promises

“Am I even evoking Occam's Razor correctly?” Occam's Razor is pretty much just ‘go with the simplest explanation rather than the complex one’ so, maybe? idk I'm tired

“I imagine it's hard to issue corrections when your lungs are more full of 9 millimeter bullets than they are air. Wait, is that going too far?” That's definitely not something normal people would say that's for sure!

get bonked

Final notes:🙏 go watch this series. OK no, for real, Stark is such an interesting little creature and it's so fun watching the quality of the episodes increase as the series goes on. Might comes back to these notes when reprise/the rest of the series comes out but, idk. Also there's no way he's getting out of Black Mesa without major hearing damage my fucking god

[the80srewinders]

part two.

your hate seems misplaced. you feared anti-endos and what they say, you feared that they might call you a faker. the fear that your trauma might not be enough is completely valid when anti-endos refuse to acknowledge those without it. it seems that you overcame that and now you fully realise what type of system you're in and the reasoning behind why it is like that (congratulations! understanding your own nature is often difficult, but you managed to do it. good job. /genuine).

now you realise how endos feel, right? they fear not being "plural enough" because their origins are not the same as yours. i know what you feel when you say that you're jealous. skip to the start if the next paragraph, please, if you don't want to read about my experience as a member of a system with unknown origins and about my relationship with trauma. [|||] i was jealous of those like you. when i doubted our identity, i wished we had trauma more severe than what we already have. silly, isn't it? why on earth would you wish for that? because i never felt like we were enough to be actually plural. i wished that our dissociation was more severe and we switched more often because i never thought we had enough proof to be called a system. i would even say this obsessive thought made me abusive towards my headmates and i take full responsibility for that. i was bad. still am to some degree. i still feel like all this would be better if our life was even worse than it already is, more full of trauma. at least then we would be sure.

so what is the reason you hate endos? i can't understand. because they weren't traumatised? because they are perfect, happy systems with good communication? but that's not how it always is, is it. some endos are traumatised. some of them are dysfunctional. some suffer from things that come with their plurality. not all of them, of course, but so are not all traumagenic systems actively suffer for the same reasons. and while it may seem unfair that thir plurality doesn't stem from trauma, it's just how it turned out to be.

there are "perfect" systems, of course. but they want to exist in peace like we all do. they've done nothing to deserve your hate. maybe one day your system will be functional, with great communication, with positive relationships between your system's members, including you. but hate doesn't help with healing.

hope this helps! :D

P.S.: sorry if my words seem incoherent in some places, headache is killing me. casting Something Good Will Happen Soon spell on you, have a great morning/day/evening/night!

- B-a

first, I'd like to say I relate to the "I feel like my trauma isn't enough, I don't switch enough, I don't dissociate enough, I wish I had more severe trauma" thing, but that itself is a trauma response. it's a clear example of how people can think they're endogenic, when they are actually an OSDD system or a did system that doesn't fit the stereotype of the most horrific abuse as a small child or switching every five seconds. there's so much misinformation, which I will admit plenty of anti endos help spread, caused by symptom exaggeration.

I've been on both sides- I've wanted more trauma just to feel valid, and I've wished I had none so I could be the "perfect and cool" collective. so I relate to what you're saying.

again, I realize some endos have struggles similar to those with DID/osdd. I'm not doubting that endos are human; even though I don't like what most of the endo community has done, and it's impossible to have headmates without trauma, I still care about endos as humans. I don't hate them per se; I just hate their actions.

personally, I believe most endos have DID/OSDD but are in denial because of the toxic anti endos who make high standards for what a "real" did/OSDD system does and exaggerate their own symptoms. not all anti endos are like that, but I feel like that's why because endos are so hostile to anti endos.

you have your opinion, and I have mine. I respect yours even if I don't agree, and I hope you can respect mine. at least you're more civil than most endos we've had in our asks, and wishing you a great day too. that was actually mature of you and it's well appreciated.

[lesbianrobin]

I sent the original ask for HOH Steve and your answer sums up a lot of how fandom genuinely has a problem with agency and disability. Also that hearing aids post is so fucking disrespectful. Ngl I have some very funky skin problems and I’ve had people in the past try to make it into “look you can love this shit and be my idea what of embracing your position as a lesser but inspirational person looks like” and I see this all the time with people who want to push romance into character’s plot lines. Like respectfully everyone who has ever tried to dictate my relationship to X problem, I hated them and will remember them as the people who made my life harder. And it bothers me bc writers always write the disabled character as being so grateful for such gross invasions of agency instead of rightfully pissed that people are refusing to allow them ownership of their situation. Like idk whenever people offer me suggestions despite not having said problems, I contemplate homicide bc it’s basically telling me they think they’re more qualified than I the human who is experiencing the problem. Idk it makes me incoherent with rage to think of someone thinking it would be cute to have 14 year olds interfering in my medical care just bc the plot demands that I be that incompetent. Also lastly my partner will offer support but only on my behest and rightfully knows that it would be a major problem if she tried to dominate my idea of personhood to fit a specific infantilizing dynamic. Also I cannot believe the plot was literally hearing aids are so ugly and Steve cannot choose how he lives but also he’s a child who cannot make rational decision unless something is “pretty”. And yeah a friend of mine had repeated conscussions and had to get the pro footballer treatment for it and the way ppl write is so obviously just “how can we make him need Eddie” bc they’ll take the symptoms on Google to twelve. Argh anyway I will stop ranting but I’m sorry you have to watch something you live with get reduced to such insulting depictions and congrats on grad school!!

1. literally everything you said here is So correct. sorry i kept not answering this bc i couldn't think of anything to add bc ur just RIGHT.

2. thank you!!!

[tomwambsgans]

not to get too discourse-y, but - ok so i don't literally buy into the idea that tom sees greg as like a little cherub wide eyed anime girl, but i do think that (to a certain extent at least) tom does have a fantasy version of greg to the extent that i think he kinda chooses to see greg as an extension of himself?

like, i think that when it comes to tom's theory of greg's mind, there's this big blank region that he either doesn't know how to map and/or refuses to look at too closely and that region is 'what does greg think about tom?' and i think he doesn't want to look too closely at that area because no matter what's in there he's not going to like it. in tom's mind, either greg doesn't like him at all (devastating, he can never fully admit this as a possibility) or greg DOES like him, at least some of the time, but this possibility presents its own unique kind of terror because recognition of mutual affection sets off some kind of emotional alarm bell and also makes the contradictions inherent to the structure of their relationship much harder to ignore. if greg likes tom, then tom has to be worthy of being liked by greg, and i don't think that he thinks that he is. (in some ways i think the idea of genuinely being liked by greg actually feels more unsafe to tom than the idea of just being passively tolerated or disliked by him, tom's in a bit of a lose-lose situation)

and so since both of these possibilities are bad, i think tom kinda just chooses to keep that area of the map as blank as possible and to believe that he can kinda just fill it in with whatever he wants? like, of course greg knows when he's joking and being serious. of course he can just brush off being teased. because tom gets to decide how greg feels about him and how he reacts to him, and for as long as he can get away with it the responses that tom is going to believe that greg ought to have are the ones that are going to be easiest and most convenient for him. imo, tom's fantasy of version of greg isn't necessarily a greg who's softer and sweeter but a greg who's never going to directly force him to confront his own feelings (which might correlate with him being softer and sweeter in certain situations, but i don't think that's the core of the fantasy)

HOWEVER, i think the core story of their relationship arc is the story of this myth slowly falling apart. this situation tom's put himself in has never been stable and the cracks have been showing almost since day 1, but i think s3 especially really brought them to this very interesting turning point where - by having greg ditch tom for kendall and for comfrey and with the prison deal - tom has to finally update his theory of greg's mind to accommodate the fact that greg is in fact capable of articulating an independent existence, and if he wants to keep him around he might actually have to learn how to explore those scary unmapped territories

sorry i wrote a whole essay here i hope it's not completely incoherent lol

honestly yeah i'm just gonna say that i basically totally agree with you here. the nuance is pretty fucking solid and like personally i've written tom to be often unable to be aware of greg (or anyone else that he really likes for that matter) being an independent person who is justified in having desires/needs that aren't related to himself (which i would say are due to having never really had desire for another person so strong and it's naturally just NOT gonna come with selflessness. bc like when have you ever seen a toddler who's just grapsed the concept of possessing things be gracious about sharing), and i highkey kin tom and do the same thing irl and i do think that a lot of late s2 and s3 tom actions towards greg are regarding that realization and desire to rectify his past crimes toward greg so to speak