#glad false won though!!!

[brainrot-has-overtaken-me]

FALSE WON!! Demise is over and The Queen of Hearts, Heads, and Body Parts is our winner!!

The best thing about Beef, Iskall, and Ren staking out Bdubs for the kill is just them screaming at how bad/incompetent Bdubs is at the game

[mothwingwritings]

WOW!!! I LOVED "The Innocent Act Of Dredging Up The Past", IT WAS VERY GOOD!

I wonder how Y/N reacted when she found out she was pregnant and how Fox allowed herself to keep the baby because he doesn't seem like someone who likes sharing attention.

Thank you so much darling!!! I am so glad you asked me this because I have been thinking about Ren as a father nonstop since that request. My brain has been full of many thoughts and opinions and I am happy to have an outlet for sharing lol. That being said, forgive my blathering. ^^;

(18+ and warnings for noncon, pregancy/baby birthing talk, incredibly unhealthy relationships, abuse, and being kidnapped/held against your will.)

Being impregnated by Ren would be absolutely dreadful for you, causing you to spiral into a pit of fear and despair the moment you miss a period or begin to feel queasy in the morning. With the signs starting to show, your brain comes to the instant conclusion that you are with child-his child, and it frightens you like nothing else before. At first you try and convince yourself nothing is wrong, that you are probably just late due to stress, and your upset stomach can be any number of things, it doesn’t necessarily mean you are pregnant. Any of your symptoms can be explained away by something else, so in an effort to try and maintain your sanity your brain churns out explanation after explanation, no matter how nonsensical they may be, in hopes of calming your rampant nerves by coming to some other resolution. A stream of constant lies and false reassurances play on repeat in your brain, forcing the thought that you may actually be a mother to the farthest reaches of your mind.

But the longer you wait and the more you dwell on it, the more you are faced with the inevitable. He never wears protection, you haven’t had access to birth control, and despite your warnings of it being a delicate time of month for you, his base instincts always won out in the end. There was nothing else this could be.

Faced with the reality of the situation, you were now tasked with the burden of sharing the news with Ren. You didn’t want to tell him, terrified of what his response would be, worried that he would somehow blame this all on you and hurt you because of it, quite possibly worse than he ever has before. But an even more horrifying concern than that is if the news actually pleases him. What if he wants to keep the baby? What if you were forced to carry this pregnancy to term while trapped in this grim environment, left to raise another human that shares half their dna with a man who has done nothing but cause you irrevocable damage?

No matter what the outcome, none of them are favorable.

But you didn’t have a choice, and you knew it was better to break it to Ren sooner rather than later, lest this whole nightmare become irreversible. In the event he saw things your way, you wanted this thing out of your body as soon as possible (though you loathed to consider what strings Ren would pull to achieve this, and what backwater procedure would be done to do so).

At first Ren brushes it off, not truly believing your concern. He’s had sex with you countless times without protection and just now you get pregnant? Seems suspicious, so he concludes you’re either overreacting or trying to get a rise out of him, potentially both, and that in and of itself riles him up. Are you telling him this as some kind of ploy? Are you using a false pregnancy as a means to get him to ease up on you a bit or as an attempt at escape? After all you had gone through together, after all the love he has lavished upon you by sharing his home, his life, his heart, with you… Would you really tell a lie like this?

He struggles with that possibility. Despite his inclination to feel otherwise, he has a hard time believing you would use a pregnancy scare for your own selfish benefit. You have always been a good girl, his good girl, and deep inside he knows this is not something that is within your nature to do, even if he does have some major doubts.

So, though he doesn’t truly believe your claims, he buys the pregnancy test more as a means to shut you up and prove a point than because he actually believes you. Needless to say, he ends up biting his tongue over that one.

When hit with the truth, his emotions are mixed. On one hand, he wants nothing to do with children or child rearing. He didn’t have to do much of a self-assessment to recognize he would be a shit father, and he never particularly wanted to be a father to begin with. His own upbringing wasn’t the best, he himself never really having a father figure that was worth a damn to guide him or show him any love or support. He had no parenting manual to go off of, and was sure that a culmination of having no positive family experience and maturing into the warped individual he had become led to no other conclusion than NOT being cut out for fatherhood in the slightest.

More than that however, the thought of sharing you, even with a life he helped create, really REALLY pissed him off. Thinking of all the nights you would be spending tending to the baby when you could instead be wrapped up in his arms, or all the attention and affection you will be giving some inept kid that could instead be going towards him, truly gets under his skin. He doesn’t WANT to share you. You’re HIS. And while a baby isn’t going to change that, he doesn’t want the needless competition to begin with.

But on the other hand, having a baby does have its appeal. It would be nice to bring a life into this world that loves him from the get-go, completely relying on him while being totally oblivious to all that has happened in the past. That sort of pure, blind love is hard to come by in this world, and the fact that he could obtain it so easily from a life he created with you, a human that has your blood running through its veins, is EXTREMELY appealing. And on top of that, you are sure to love the child whether its conception was wanted/planned or not. If you loved a child that was half his for the remainder of your life, would that not bind you to him for just as long? Though he didn’t doubt your loyalty (or his ability to keep you tied to him with no hope of escape), it would be a nice assurance to have in the rare event things did not end up going his way.

Once that thought enters his head, it’s over. No further thinking or future planning is required-he is going to be a father, and YOU are the beautiful mama! Congratulations! (Does he get off to you being pregnant? Did this pregnancy make Ren Hana realize he has a breeding kink??? Sources say yes and that’s your problem to deal with now. :))

♡

Holding his newborn for the first time, he has never been so nervous. Tears flood his eyes as he watches the small bundle squirming in his arms, his heart aching as they stare up at him with wide, pure, inquisitive eyes. He was no stranger to ending lives, but creating them? This was something entirely new, as exhilarating as it was scary. His smile grew as he stared at her small face, pleased that she looked so much like you. He could only hope that her personality would mirror yours as well.

♡

As time passes and the baby grows, you find out quick that Ren has a very ‘hands off’ way of parenting, which is to say he relies on you to do most of the work. And honestly, he feels that is fair. He’s the breadwinner who works hard to provide for you and the newborn, which leaves all other parental duties in your capable hands. You are left to be the child’s main caregiver, their guiding force to lead them through life, their teacher, confidante, and friend. It’s a daunting task, all residing solely on your shoulders.

Ren won’t readily admit it, but he much prefers it that way. All the abuse that he has suffered through from an early age, every heinous act of violence that has been carried out by his own hands (your wounds, included), all of it has turned him into something unrecognizable, something grotesque. Even if he wanted to have more of a presence in his child’s life, he knows he doesn’t deserve it. If he had too much sway in the kids development there’s a good chance they will grow up to be like him in some way or another, which would be a waste of all the love and hard work that you had put into raising them into being an upstanding person. Ren had made peace with who he had become, but that didn’t mean he wanted to keep a cycle that someone like Strade had begun going either.

So, the baby more or less becomes your soul responsibility, and god is that a burden for you. It’s bad enough that you have such little support from Ren to begin with, but the fact that this is YOUR first time being a parent as well makes it all so much worse. You have no idea what the hell you are doing, and with Ren making sure to keep you as isolated as possible you had no one else to turn to for help, either. It was just you and this brand new life with no one else to rely on, if you fucked up in even the smallest way it could be devastating to the baby. If your daughter got truly hurt, sick, or worse in your care, you didn’t know how you would live with the repercussions, let alone handle Ren’s reaction.

If your life with Ren hadn’t already made you a strung out, nervous, irritable wreck, being a mother certainly would. As she continues to grow, Ren refuses to discipline the child at all, not wanting in any way to appear like a ‘bad guy’ to your daughter. Given the circumstances, part of you is thankful for that (you honestly don’t know what you would do if he turned his ire towards her), but it also just makes things more difficult with you. You are already beyond stressed about trying to raise a child in this type of environment, having no united front and constantly butting heads makes raising her that much harder, especially when any kind of rule you attempt to establish can so easily be overridden by her father who has no remorse over the frustration this causes, nor care as to how his flippancy may affect your child’s development in the long run.

It’s also not lost on you that being the sole disciplinarian also paints you in a less than favorable manner in your child’s eyes, something you are sure Ren has thought about as well. Being the ‘strict’ parent means your child will be more likely to hide things from you, or seek out her father instead of you for support, approval, and advice. Given whom Ren was as a person, this thought didn’t sit particularly well with you.

All you can really hope and pray for is that somehow despite the lack of social interaction and outside influence she will grow up to be a decent human. Even maturing under the delusion that her father is a noble man, even if in some instances you have to make yourself the villain, as long as it helps her out in  the long run you’ll do everything you can to insure your daughter lives the best life she possibly can, whether her father helps you or not.

I think the REAL problems will begin when the child gets older. When she truly comes into herself and forms her own opinions, develops her own personality, and starts to forge her own way of life… It’s gonna be messy. :/ Your child’s autonomy is definitely going to be a point of contention for Ren in the future, and he won’t be so pleased if/when she catches on to his true nature and begins to rebel or straight up reject him. God forbid she tries and join forces with you or attempt to become your savior. It’s going to take a lot of cunning on her end to make it out unscathed.

Also, I kind of touched on it previously, but Ren would be incredibly horny the whole pregnancy. Not that he isn’t already incessantly slavering over you, something about seeing you round and full just makes him snap. Which is scary in its own right, Ren isn’t the most gentle of lovers to begin with and has a tendency to lose himself more often than naught, hurting you in the process. It’s a constant struggle to satiate him while protecting yourself and the unborn baby, best of luck to you! :D

(And he’ll definitely breastfeed from you. He’s gotta make sure you are producing enough for the baby, ya know? :))

[fruitycutie]

Debate thoughts and quickie analysis!

The main reason Democrat and Republican debates have been historically frustrating is because it's always: Step 1: Republican makes outlandish, false claim about democrats or immigrants or what have you! Step 2: The Democrat responds with, "well no, actually, um" and doesn't actually face or address how INSANE Republican statements are in the first place. Step 3: The Republican, having already won, sneers the whole time and controls the conversation. This has been the case for 90% of recent american history. I am glad to see that that is NOT the case anymore. Kamala is actually doing really good, AND the moderators were on point, too. Like, for example, actually asking critical questions to both, and providing fact checks when Trump says that immigrants are EATING YOUR PETS, Substantiating that they already talked to the mayor of Springfield, Ohio and that there is absolutely no evidence found of something that- lets face it- is just one person's brain worms. It spread from one person's probably ill mind, and became a MAJOR REPUBLICAN POINT! It's that easy. And now it's completely gone because of course it is, its a total fabrication and in 2024 those don't fly anymore because we don't live in ignorance of Trump's strategies anymore. This whole thing just shows how desperate, vile and awful they are, that this is ALL they have after all. Honestly though, just seeing the people making bullshit up on the defensive is great! So I enjoyed the debate a lot. That being said, I want to talk about the fact that I was also pleasantly surprised. I expected it to be more 50/50, truth be told. I do think Kamala, like any other Dem, has a little bit of liberal syndrome - which is pretty standard for Democrats, it's just their bread and butter weakness, but she's definitely the best in that regard - which is why she's actually doing well! What do I mean by that? Well, it's simple. Democrats make this mistake of thinking that they're as equally left as Republicans are right - which is only a little bit, in this theory - and we can unite as a people, if we just try. Meanwhile, the reality of the situation is that the Democrats live in the real world, where people matter and policies affect them, while to be completely honest, Republicans live in the AI power fantasy where the Shadow Qabbal Border Tzar Trans Alien Prison Immigrants from Mexico are killing every aspect of the american dream you love and schools are where your Children transition by Force, you can trademark half of those buzzwords if you want. And you damn well know that if it were convenient for them, they'd include Jews in that, too. The point is, that is fundamentally not something you can compromise with. Because to compromise with something, it has to like, already exist in REALITY, right? And their ideas just don't. To summarize I guess, the main mistake Dems make is that they believe they'll get more of the Republican voter base if they move right slightly. BUT THAT NEVER WORKS!!! Because, the people voting for trump are ALL cultists, who are stuck up their own ass about emotional messaging and DO NOT care for empiricism, DO NOT care for results or outcomes, all they care about is being right that trump is their american savior. After all, as soon as Trump lost in 2020- a verifiable fact with NO room for empirical debate without changing the meaning of the word "lose", a shitstorm of false accusations about the election being stolen happened, the Capitol riot happened, not to mention even that Trump keeps promising that if he gets elected, nobody will have to vote again. Like - come on, it's so transparently fascism, to the point where even the most irrationally opposed to the term have to see it. You cannot reason or compromise with people like that, it's just not possible. Kamala has been better about this than all democrats up to her, easily, but she's still not perfect. And I hope this is completely understood by democrats going forward, if the Republican enstablishment doesn't change it's ways.

[halovx-x]

[Click play to continue]

Second part of the story! Also pls tell me if there’s any mistakes cuz it’s my first time writing long fics ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡(to me their long)

[Warning(s): reader gets compared to a god (does that count as a warning?), violence (only a little)

To your surprise the student council president wasn’t there today because of a cold and as you were walking to your dorm after the day had ended, you had gotten a text from him asking for you to come to his house with medicine.

So here you were walking from the convince store with a bag of medicine, the walk was peaceful, none of the other student council members were there and the sun was setting leaving a beautiful golden glow everywhere.

As you were walking past a stairway that lead to the train station you had heard, grunting. You turn your head to the direction of the sound and there you see three guys one was knocked out on the floor and the other two were throwing punches at each other. 

What had caught your though was one of the guys, he was this cliché otome game’s “bad boy” true to his character description in game he had obvious dyed red hair, you could tell from his black haired roots in his spiky hair. You had never gotten the chance to befriend him because of the other four in the student council, as you were about to turn around to continue the journey to the council president’s  dorm -you didn’t had to worry about him losing, he had always won fights in the game- you had both made eye contact.

 ➳————————˖ ࣪⭑ 𓆩♡𓆪⭑ ࣪ ˖————————♡

It was on the first day of college when he had saw her, although she had brown hair that covered her eyes, he had thought she was beautiful.

She was kind and thoughtful she cared for him when he knows no one else would, not even his family cared too much to know about what he was doing far away at college, but a part of him was glad because he knew that if they did care he wouldn’t have met her.

Despite what people said about him he wasn’t dumb he knew the gazes she and that other man had given each other but why would he still chase her if he knew? Maybe because he didn’t want to lose the person who saw him differently, or maybe he was holding on to some false hope that she would love him one day too.

But..

Who would’ve thought he had completely forgotten about her for because of simple eye contact, someone who he had heard about but never really gotten the chance to see for himself. Whatever the cause was he was glad he was able to forget her for them.

They were angel in his eyes on top of that stair case the golden light outlining their form as they gaze at each other’s eyes was something he wished he hadn’t felt with her…no they aren’t her, they were someone new, someone beautiful and handsome at the same time

They were-

A sharp feeling of pain broke him out of his trance..oh yeah they were fight with someone -what were they fighting about again?- he had laid a punch on there jaw and had knocked them out.

He looked back hoping to see them but they were gone only the golden light that had showed their form was left, was this how people felt when they say, they had met a god?

A god…He liked that, the corner of his lips lifted up, he thought it matched them. They were a god, his god.

[4/5 characters unlocked!]

TAGLIST!!

@alexiris

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

i adore reading your analytical posts abt soc so much jts not even funny; stumbling upon your account was like a coming across a goldmine 🙏 ALSO I RLLY WANT TO ONOW ABT THE SHE TREATS US LJKE MARKS ESSAY IVE NEVER THOIGHT ABT THAT RLLY also i loved the mr crimson post anw im sorry i’ll shut up now

Thank you so much, I’m so glad you like them!!

This is the first time someone’s submitted a question so bare with me because if there’s any way to do this wrong I’ll probably manage it, but here are my thoughts on the red herrings :)

She’s treating us like marks - an analysis of Leigh Bardugo’s use of red herrings in Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom

*warning: CONSTANT SPOILERS AHEAD!*

I happen to be an absolute sucker for a good bit of foreshadowing, I think if it’s done well it’s one of the best literary techniques out there, so it’s something I always like to try and be on the look out for when I read. With books that I go back and reread, in this case many many times (seriously I’ve never specifically counted but I’m pretty sure I’m at over ten times each for the duology, it’s ridiculous), I like to find the things I didn’t realise were foreshadowing the first time round. When rereading six of crows and crooked kingdom, I realised that a lot of the things I expected to be foreshadowing didn’t actually come to fruition whilst other, seemingly less important, details were the actual foreshadowing. I LOVE IT! It’s genius, because it leaves the reader worrying about one thing so they’re too distracted to realise the groundwork is being laid for something else. But you know what that makes me think of? Kaz’s ideology of “What’s the easiest way to steal a man’s wallet? […] Tell him you’re going to steal his watch,” and “you have to let the mark feel like he’s won”. Leigh Bardugo literally cons us, and she tells us that she’s doing it in Crooked Kingdom when the group are certain that they know where Inej is being kept, but Kaz says “Too obvious. He’s treating us like marks”. GENIUS

So I compiled a few of my favourite examples (in no particular order), if you know of any I’ve missed please add more I would love to see them!!

The cannon at the Ice Court. When the Crows first arrive in Djerholm they see a cannon built into the the cliff face, a defence mechanism for the Court, and Kaz says what might be one of my favourite underrated lines of his: “I’ve broken into banks, warehouses, mansions, museums, vaults, a rare book library, and once the bedchamber of a visiting Kaelish diplomat whose wife had a passion for emeralds. But I’ve never had a cannon shot at me”. Jesper jokes that “there’s something to be said for novelty” but then continues to say that a cannon would be useless against a ship as small as theirs and that it’s designed for “invading armadas”. They don’t mention the cannon again, but it stuck in my mind when I first read it as a looming threat, a reminder that the danger wouldn’t end when they left the court. So when they arrived in the harbour was I expecting soldiers, or a heartrender, or for Nina to take parem? Nope, I was too busy worrying about the schooner being blown to pieces - especially when the Crows all have such specific painful and/or traumatic experiences linking to water, with 4 out of 6 of them being drowning related. But that isn’t to say that the waiting soldiers at the dock weren’t foreshadowed. All the way through Leigh Bardugo constantly reminds us that Matthias had never seen black protocol in action, and that his time in the prison sector had been brief, but she lulls us into a false sense of security by letting us believe that the secret bridge onto the White Island was all Matthias was hiding. We trust him by this point, so we don’t expect anything to be different to what he’s told us, even though this is an aspect he couldn’t possibly have predicted. Bonus points for the fact that Nina’s poor well-being in the aftermath of the drug is foreshadowed by a joke at the awful Inn they go to before the job; the food is disgusting and she says “when I don’t want to eat, you know there’s a problem”, and in Crooked Kingdom it’s many times emphasised that she’s unhealthily losing weight and her appetite has vastly decreased, with Matthias buying her chocolate biscuits “in the hopes she’d eat something”.

The poison pill. Leigh Bardugo worked very hard in Crooked Kingdom to make us think that Nina might die. We went into that book knowing there was a strong possibility that she wouldn’t come out the other side; we knew very little about how she was coping with parem withdrawal at the end of soc, but we had seen around a minimum of five grisha being destroyed by the drug so far. (That’s a guess I haven’t actually counted). So we went in with the idea that she was already in a precarious situation, and even though we begin to see her regain herself she struggles throughout the novel both physically and mentally in the aftermath of the drug. Matthias begins to dream of being lost on the ice in the worst storms known to Fjerda, knowing that she was out there somewhere and that he could not reach her. This sounds like it’s foreshadowing her death. Then when the pair go to the Ravkan embassy, Tamar gives Nina a small yellow pill that Genya made; she explains that it kills instantly and painlessly, saying “we all have them” to make sure they cannot be drugged and enslaved by the Shu government, who are hunting for grisha with the Khergud at the time. Matthias is terrified by this, but Nina just slips it into her pocket without a second thought. At that moment I thought that Nina would almost take the pill only to be stopped by someone else, because it felt too obvious that it would kill her, but I did wonder if the Khergud would be the ones to stop her and so she would still be lost. But the pill never gets mentioned again, except when the Dime Lions come for Nina at Sweet Reef and she briefly remembers that it’s still in her pocket. Then never again. And Matthias’ dreams were, of course, actually foreshadowing the FESTIVAL OF PAIN AND TORTURE that is chapter 40.

Mr Crimson. I’m so glad you like my Mr Crimson idea! Basically I posted saying I think that he represents death in the novels and I’ve also talked before about how I think the Komedie Brute costumes that the characters usually adopt are representative of their character; Kaz the Madman, Nina the Lost Bride, Inej and Wylan the Grey Imp, and Jesper and Matthias Mr Crimson. I won’t go into detail about all of them but if you’re interested the post is on my page, but with the idea that Mr Crimson represents death it’s very important to me that, although all of them wear his cloak at least once, he is the only Komedie Brute character taken on by Jesper and Matthias (at least to my recollection, feel free to correct me if I’m wrong). So of course I would argue that Matthias taking on the image in Crooked Kingdom foreshadows his death, but in that case what does Jesper’s represent? I came up with two options but I actually think you could combine them into one: it’s a red herring to make us align him with the literal death of Matthias, whilst actually foreshadowing the metaphorical death that his addiction and mental well-being are driving him towards as he tries desperately to stop them - in his own words to Colm “I’m dying anyway, Da, I’m just doing it slow”

Oh god sorry that this is yet another long post I hope y’all enjoyed this enough for it to be worth the time it takes for you to read all my ramblings 😭

Tagging people who asked for this one in the replies to my essay titles post - @the-magnificunt @flerkenkiddingme @luridorangeandviolentviolet @snowblack-charcoalwhite

[nevertheless-moving]

Headcanons for Ladrian children!

Maxillium (waxillium. Who let you flip the first letter of your name upside down. Why.): grows up to be something of a 'gentleman miscreant.' Even at the time, Steris and Wax knew that hiring a pickpocketing tutor for their noble firstborn son was a bad idea, but Max had pleaded that Uncle Wayne had promised him lessons when he grew up. And...well...Wayne would have, no matter how much they tried to stop him...anyway. Sentimentality won the day. Mistakes were made.

Despite his deliberate and consistent flouting of propriety, he's still almost universally well liked. Genuinely charismatic. Doesn't put his foot in his mouth. Smart without being considered mean or dull.

His parents have no idea where he gets it from.

People think he must be a soother but his actual allomantic power is generally considered useless. I'm leaning towards gold auger for true self confidence brought about by super powered self reflection. A+ use of C- skill.

Adrenalin junkie. Likes fast cars. Very fast cars. Only one of the kids who remembers Uncle Wayne, though they all get stories.

...

Tindwyl: somehow oldest, middle, and youngest child syndrome. Wax and Steris reign things in a bit after they realize they've inadvertently been raising their firstborn to become a highly effective career criminal. I'm not saying they're bad parents, they really do care, listen, and adjust. But they're imperfect people and the clash of personalities is the hardest on her.

Hmm twinborn, but still insecure about it, so it's gotta be one of the less flashy combos. Bronze or cadmium compounding, making her very good at either not sleeping, or surviving indefinitely at the bottom of the ocean awaiting rescue after her boat sinks, neither of which is immediately useful ... i mean the sleep thing is pretty cool but might cause some internal issues..

Similar to her parents in the more neurotic ways. Her father's eye twitch, her mother's anxiety. But not much inclination towards the more heroic arts, something her parents love, glad they raise one child unlikely to die in a fire, but she feels ashamed of. No fascination with danger, except in the deeply abstract. She tends to fixate on novels, not disaster planning or solving murders.

Gets motion sick :/ When Wax tries to take her for 'rides' she's giggling until she suddenly pukes without warning, and then she's crying. Wax feels guilty forever about this, but she insists on trying again every so often throughout her childhood.

Oh! Heavily involved in the allomancer jak fan community, first as a joke, but eventually she gets into it despite herself. She delights in discussing his stories around the dinner table and watching her father grit his teeth. I mean, comparing them with her father's own tales - which claims are really less likely, once you break things down, piece by piece -

...

Third child: I don't know their gender! I don't even know their name! But I do know that they're going to be the first natural born mistborn in over three hundred years, and it's going to cause soooo much chaos.

Lotsa religious nuts following to school. Lotta kidnapping attempts. They catch dad yelling at death, no wait, false alarm, hes just yelling at death to pass a message to God, because he doesn't want to talk to God directly. Cool, cool. Something about wanting a promise that that 'they wouldn't be made a sword'

They seem to most consistently run into ladrian luck - things explode around them, they say the exact wrong thing to the exact wrong person. If there's a murderer loose, they end up in the same tree house, if there's a lion escaped from the zoo, it steals their lunch. Assigned protagonist by the narrative, despite the adults in her life genuine and consistent efforts to intervene.

Mixed feelings about it.

Generally Max bails them out of the social faux pas, but, much to tindwyls annoyance, when worst comes to worst they can fall back on the 'mistborn aura' growing 'mysteriously grave' and then jump out an airship window. Mildly jealous of Tindwyl because when she gets lost in the city she doesn't accidentally discover a cult, or get adopted by a circus troupe, or , anyway. If they also get a ferrochemical power people are going to lose. their. shit.

Snaps (I believe snapping is gentler in era 2, but still) way too young during their first kidnapping attempt, possibly same time as/ before older siblings. All kidnapped together?

Please Imagine Max age 12, breaking Tindwyl, age 9, and Misty age 6 out of their cells (of course he pickpocketed the keys from the guards). They all down a full spectrum vial, which of course they all carry in a secret aluminum lined pocket for LITERALLY this EXACT traumatic event because their mother is Steris. Max gets nothing (would gold even be in the vial?), tindwyl is a seeker or cadmium burner.

Cue ridiculously OP six year old bendalloying past the guards, pewter punching their way out... Max takes more than a few hits for them when they accidentally iron pull some loose nails at themselves... it's not pretty, but they do escape and the media goes absolutely bananas.

Please, please imagine tiny child carrying two medium sized childs, and jumping out a window. They're very carefully arranged, Tindwyl clinging to Max's shoulder, Max on Misty's, feeling absolutely ridiculous. Misty breaks the window - Max yelling steel push directions as they just need to get to the next building - Tindwyl yelling, ok they're all yelling now as Misty loses balance -

Ooh Wait if Tindwyl can cadmium create slow time then she burns that as they're falling, so it's extra terrifying from all their perspective, but to other people's view they're just hanging there, dropping very, very slowly. Either way-oh thank the Survivor, Dad's here now, catching them.

Some of this is caught on evanotype. Like I said - absolute media storm.

...

Fourth child: An accident and everybody knows it. The other three are mortified to discover that their parents are still having sex. Steris is mostly bemused that the one (1) time she said 'it'll probably be fine' instead of immediately drinking moon tea after the sheepskin broke, she gets pregnant. Wax is concerned for her health, but after a scare or two, it all goes fairly smoothly.

A good 15, 20 years younger than the rest and maybe a little isolated because of it, doesn't feel like she has the same sibling relationship the other three do, though they all adore her and compete relentlessly for 'best big sibling.'

Cool twinborn combo??? Like pewter allo and gold ferro for super healing. Or zinc super speed, because that's honestly excellent by itself.

Or no powers, because angst and also being underestimated and getting really competent at tech or whatnot. Possibly allomantic status is less important as time passes, and she actually doesnt really have as much issue with it as people assume she will. Infiltrates and takes down some shady hemalurgic group due to the misperception.

Only one of the children to go into law, but ends up more secret agent/spy genre then western/action hero.

Regardless, while Max is effortlessly charming, she's effortlessly cool. The middle children, and possibly parents, are amazed and maybe slightly jealous, though dad insists he used to be cool, honest-

[dibidibifiction]

Give Me A Hug: Chapter 4

Pairing: Taemin x Female Reader Word count: 1.4k

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction made for the personal entertainment of readers. The writer does not ever intend to offend her readers nor does she aim to spread false information about anyone so as to pay any disrespect to the real-life persons on whom the characters are based. She also does not claim ownership of any of the images that are being used.

chapter 3

masterlist general masterlist

. . .

TAEMIN

I sit and stare at Taeseon Hyung sleeping in his hospital bed. I didn’t think we’d be back here again. He had been well for almost two years. Now the doctor has informed me that fluid has once again taken over his lungs. My brother never deserved this. He still has a full life ahead of him. 

It was hard for me to get along with him when we were kids. He’s the perfect son. He got straight A’s, won awards, at the top of all his classes. I sat in the audience cheering for him while I felt all this jealousy growing up. Despite that, I didn’t want to like him. That’s why I rebelled a lot when I got freedom during my university days with Kibum and Minho. When I failed two major courses senior year, Taeseon was there to help me out. He paid for both classes and supported me until I graduated. 

Tears form and fall from my eyes. As I wipe my face with my palm, I head outside the room. Y is sitting in the waiting area. She’s waited for hours even though she doesn’t know what’s going on. I check the time and it reveals that it’s almost midnight. 

“Y,” I call her out in a low voice so she doesn’t startle.

“Oh, hey. Is everything all right?” she asks.

“Uh…”

Before I can respond I hear running footsteps coming toward us. It’s Minho. I texted him earlier that I was in the hospital because of my brother. “Taemin, I came as soon as I read your message.”

“He’s resting now,” I inform him.

He nods, out of breath.

“Hyung,” I hesitate. “Could you do me a favor and take Y home? I was supposed to drive her but-”

“Sure,” he agrees at once without question.

“No,” Y intervenes. “It’s okay. I’ll just take a cab home.”

“Are you sure?” I feel a little guilty for making her wait and not being able to drive her home.

“Yes, really, I’m fine,” she gives me a tiny smile, assuring me that there’s nothing to feel bad about. “You should stay here with him,” she turns to Minho.

“At least let me call for a taxi for you,” I insist.

She nods. “Okay.”

I look at Minho to tell him to take over for a few minutes.

“Of course. Go,” he says, not needing me to say another word.

Y and I walk down the street just outside the hospital. Nobody has talked for a while. Despite the silence, I don’t feel uncomfortable at all. Somehow, I feel safe when I’m with her. I feel comforted by just her presence.

“Look, if you need anything, please don’t hesitate to call me,” she stops and breaks the silence. She takes her phone from her pocket, unlocks it, and hands it over to me.

I take it without saying a word. I feel gratitude toward Y. It’s not every day you find someone you just met who would care enough to go with you to the hospital and wait hours for you. I dial my number on her phone and my phone vibrates in my pocket. “Here.” I hand it back to her.

“Thanks for a fun night,” she says.

“I’m sorry it didn’t end well. I promise it will be different next time.”

“Please. There’s nothing to apologize for. I’m just glad there’s a next time.”

I smile at her, glad that she’s here for me. Too bad she has to go home.

The taxi I called for appears on the road. I extend my arm to let the driver know that we were the ones who called for him. He shifts to our side of the street.

I pull the handle to open the door for Y. “Please take her home safely,” I say to the driver respectfully. 

She hops in and closes the door gently beside her.

I can see her waving at me through the glass window. I wave back as the car starts to drive away. I watch it disappear from sight. I miss her already.

Y

When I get home, I walk straight to the kitchen to get some water and sit on a stool under the counter. I haven’t drunk anything besides my cocktail at the bar. I’m parched. 

Before I get there, I instantly see Jonghyun standing in front of the refrigerator pouring a pitcher of cold water into an empty glass. He looks like he’s been sleeping and woke up to get hydrated.

“I’m home,” I announce my arrival.

“Hey, how was your night?” he asks before yawning.

“It was great,” I say while pouring another glass of water for myself. “Until we had to go to the hospital.”

“What happened?”

“Taemin’s brother. Something’s wrong with him.” I drink my water.

“Oh, I remember he had pulmonary edema years ago. I came to visit that one time,” Jonghyun tells me.

Turns out it’s a relapse. I didn’t want to ask Taemin before because I didn’t want to seem nosy and annoying while they were going through heavy stuff. Plus, we just met. It’s natural to not discuss burdensome problems on the first day. Just like I haven’t told him why I’m getting a divorce.

Jonghyun sets down his glass and puts the pitcher back in the fridge. “I’m going back to bed,” he says as he throws his arms up to stretch his body. He then heads to his bedroom. “Turn off the lights before you go in.”

“Wait,” I stop him. “What’s your schedule for tomorrow?”

“Hmm, I’m going to the gym in the morning. I will be going to work at 1 p.m.” 

“Great. I’ll drive you. We should get lunch before.” I’m glad I’m back to doing this with him. Instead of sitting around at home doing nothing. I know I could paint, but that’s all I did when I was living with my husband. That’s all he could allow me to do for myself.

The next morning, I’m thinking I shouldn’t wear heels after what happened with Taemin yesterday. I don’t want to ruin somebody else’s shirt. So I’m wearing a pair of white sneakers and matching them with a white collared shirt, a black sweater, and light blue mom jeans. Casual and comfortable. 

When I get out of my bedroom, I hear the front door shut as Jonghyun dashes in with his gym bag. 

“I’ll just take a shower and get dressed then we’ll leave.”

“Okay,” I say to him.

I head to his bedroom and gather all the stuff he needs for today. His notebooks, contracts, and extra clothes. While I’m stuffing things in my bag, I hear his phone’s ringtone blast from his gym bag. Upon checking it, I see Nam Euisoo’s name pop up. “Hello?” I answer.

“Hello, who’s this? Where’s Jonghyun?” Nam Euisoo is Jonghyun’s main manager who’s in charge of bigger responsibilities than me. I’m just here to get beverages, bring stuff, and run errands for them.

“Euisoo, it’s Y.”

“Y! Have you been well?” It’s good to hear he’s enthusiastic to know that I’m back.

“Don’t worry about Jonghyun. I’ll drive him around from now on. He’s just taking a shower.”

“Oh, thank God. Okay, I’ll see you at the office,” he says before hanging up. Looks like he’s been busy.

I figured I should stay as Jonghyun’s assistant for now while my divorce is being finalized. Besides, I like doing it and maybe I could go back into styling eventually. 

Jonghyun comes out of the bathroom wearing his robe. I tell him about my conversation with Euisoo as I step out of his bedroom to let him get ready.

As I wait for him, I check my phone and see a message from Taemin.

Thanks for being there for me last night.

I smile at my phone. I wonder if I should ask how it’s going. 

Don’t mention it. How’s your brother?

He will be discharged in a few days and carry on the treatment at home.

It must be difficult for him to see his brother fight an illness. I admire that he’s being there for him. After a minute, my phone dings. He sent another message.

We should go out again sometime if you want.

My heart flutters the second I read it. Normally, after a recent divorce, you wouldn’t want to be with anyone else for a while. Lucky for me, a nice guy like Taemin has taken an interest in me. It’s not like it’s an official date. It’s just a casual gathering between two new friends. 

I’d love to.

chapter 5 (coming soon)

[musicismymoirail]

Since I've back on my Infamous kick, I decided to sit down and try to actually figure out Fel's look. I really wanted him to have full silver hair, but it wasn't working for me so black sides for a nice contrast? I like it a lot more, and it still fits his 'very much in love and inspired by moon thanks' vibes, lol.

I also feel a touch bad for him because boy is majorly dysphoric when people can see his freckles and natural hair color, but that's gonna be hard to hide while on a tour bus and in front of cameras constantly. I don't think anyone outside of the band has seen either, not even Orion.

And since I did this for X.O., have some silly headcanons.

• Band is Goodbye Blue Monday. It fit him better than X.O. and I'm glad~ They're more.... indie with folky and minor punky vibes? I always imagine it's a bit like The Decemberists or meWithoutYou's It's All Crazy! It's All False! It's All a Dream! It's Alright album?? Like, this song is super Fel! c:

• Fel claims he was a remarkably stupid child, and his main story to back this up is when he was super young, he was terrified of darkness. He thought the moon was too, since it disappeared a lot so he'd sing to it to try to make it feel less scared. Fel's origin story for his singing and song-writing is just his weird compassion and love of the moon.

• Kid went to college but dropped out pretty early into his sophomore due to his crumbling mental health and realizing how much of it was simply trying to please his folks. I imagine this Didn't Go Over Well with them (especially Mom) and it's partly Fel has no love left for them. He may be a bit of a Stepford Smiler, but even he has his limits, thanks! 💖😤💖

• He went to Harvard too, so Mom might've been doubly upset he dropped out. He had planned on eventually going to Law School, but the Band and Seven won out (and he is happier for that, despite ...everything.) That being said, I always feel like his undergrad was in comparative religious studies or something. It just feels very Fel??

• The band's big hit is based for the old fable, the Moon and Her Mother. It became a bit of anthem of shitty relationships (parents) and gaslighting. There's a healthy debate among fans if it's about Seven (and if so, if Seven's the moon or the mother), Fel himself, Fel's own parents, or if there's any true-to-life to it at all since it is based off a fable. Mainly, Fel just hated the fable and wanted to write something for the Moon …and more parental feelings slipped in then Fel realized at the time, lol. Moon's Momma is harsh and Fel didn't realize how harsh at the time. :')

• While he's good at putting on a face and playing up his flirtious and carefree personality, Fel himself is a painfully sweet and anxious soul. Growing up was a lonely experience. His family moved a lot, though always in the Boston and South Shore area, and Fel found himself more often than not bullied by his peers. Weird, stupid, freckles, shy, take your pick. Kids found a lot of flaws to constantly pick and make fun of.

• Fel does have an (obvious) crush on Orion. Orion is a very attractive and smart and dedicated and witty. And more importantly, Orion is safe. Orion tolerates him kindly, but it's nothing more than that. It helps his heart after Seven. I think when he realizes that attraction isn't as one-sided as he thinks, Fel will have an absolute freak out. "Why would you even like me?! Don't you have better taste?"

• Kid's self-image is pooooooooooor.

• Fel enjoys cooking too! There's only so many tv dinners and take-out you can eat, but Fel grew tired of them both about he was 13. He's an exceptionally good cook and baker, and loving cooking for his friends. He makes them all special meals or treats for their birthdays every year and I can't wait for him to cook for Orion for the first time. c:<!!

• Also, Fel definitely has a Thick Boston accent when he talks. He's not embarrassed by it though sometimes he hangs his head when he hits the Boston especially hard.

• Kid also digs Clefairy despite his gothy punk aesthetic, much like X.O. digs Gengar despite her opulent pink aesthetic, lol. ^^;;;

[dcccivcr]

{Dylan Wang, 26, male, he/him} We are so glad to see you safe, IMPERIAL BODYGUARD JI XINYUAN of JAPAN CHINA! It’s dangerous out in the world these days, but I hear that you are DETERMINED and CHARISMATIC enough to handle it. Just don’t let your PERSONAL DESIRES bring you down! Stay on your guard, because with your secret being at risk for exposure, you wouldn’t want everyone to find out YOU HAVE BEEN LIVING UNDER A FALSE IDENTITY FOR YEARS {rawr, 28, GMT+1, she/her, no triggers} + princess kai-ming's bodyguard wc

NAME: Ji Xinyuan "GIVEN NAME": Fei BIRTH NAME: Maeda Toshihisa AGE: 26 GENDER / PRONOUNS: Male, he/him ORIENTATION: Bisexual

INSPIRATIONS: Essek Thelyss (Critical Role), Hubert von Vestra (FE3H), Akechi Gorou (Persona 5), Jin Guangyao & Nice Huaisang (The Untamed), Ignis Scientia (FFXV), the Scorpion Clan (Legend of the Five Rings)

• • •

FAMILY: None MARITAL STATUS: Single POLITICAL AFFILIATION: Loyal to the Japanese royal family LANGUAGES: Japanese (native), Chinese (bilingual), Tagalog (fluent), English (passable), Spanish (passable). Fakes an accent when speaking anything other than Chinese.

THE LIE

Xinyuan speaks of his history with such solemnity, pride and honesty that he has won the hearts of many in the imperial court. The only child of a very patriotic landowner down in his luck who dreamed of seeing his only son earn a position in court, and spent most of his rapidly decreasing resources educating the child. He taught Xinyuan literature, languages, martial skills such as archery, and horsemanship. Yet his wayward son, blinded by his natural talents and the brazenness of his youth, rejected his father's teachings and efforts and left his home with dreams of becoming a renowned poet. Though he produced some works of decent quality, it wasn't long until word reached him that both his parents had fallen ill and died.

Ji Xinyuan believed this misfortune to be a divine punishment for his ungrateful, rebellious behavior, and turned all of his efforts back to the path that had been chosen for him. At the age of 19, he famously prostrated himself outside the imperial palace and begged for "a chance to atone for his sins and fulfill his late father's wish". His talents, strong sense of honor and social graces caught the attention of his superiors and recently earned him a privileged role as one of the bodyguards accompanying the imperial family.

THE TRUTH

Toshihisa was born to Chinese ambassadors and presumed dead in the fire that killed his parents. He cannot remember whether that was the name he was given at birth or not, and he can only speculate whether the event was or wasn't an accident, but he doesn't trouble himself with conjectures. For as long as he can remember, he has had a purpose, and unlike his false persona he accepted the role with great pride.

He received the best education and was raised in privilege. When the time came, he traveled to China, where he had his tale fabricated and his ascension orchestrated. He aims to become the imperial family's most trusted soldier and confidant... and hopes his blade skills will never be required.

THE STORY

After the Reckoning, and the exile of princess Kai-ming, his previous charge, he became the Emperor's bodyguard. He has earned Angelo's trust, when the truth is Xinyuan profoundly despises the man. During the current conflict, he sends word of China's moves to Japan through informants, while simultaneously assisting princess Giuliana in their goal to dethrone their brother.

[blockmenobsessedperson]

MCC live blog!!

GUYS MCC IS BACK!! Currently watching Scar's pov, so this is gonna be my live blog. If you don't want spoilers, don't look here :D

Edit 1: LET'S GO GREEN GECKO'S!! Sky Battle first so I'm crossing my fingers he doesn't die too much. Also, Xisuma seems so confused rn XD

Edit 2: Gotta love the in between the games chatter! Especially because they're trying to get Scar to talk about Disney and X is like NOOO

Edit 3: ROCKET SPLEEF RUSH! My second fave game :D Scar's doing decent so far!! Scar keeps getting taken out from above lmao. OMG THEY'RE IN SECOND RN!! Let's hope they can keep it up!!

Edit 4: BATTLE BOX! Gotta love the fact they've started using Hotguy as a verb now XD STOPP SCAR'S WATCH SAYING HE FELL HAS ME CACKLING- They're doing super good rn though! I expected False to last longer though lol. Glad Green Gecko's is doing good though!

Edit 5: OMG JOEL DID AWESOME!! The Greens are tied rn though.

Edit 6: Uh oh Admin Woopsie :0

Edit 7: Stoppp Scar fell almost immediately in the last two rounds ;-; Break time though!!

Edit 8: GUYS HELP I FELL ASLEEP- I’m currently trying to wake up but apparently I haven’t missed much but I’ll be back to live blogging in a bit!

Edit 9, the last one: GUYS OLI AND HIS TEAM WON I GET 10 DOLLARS FOR MY BET YIPPEE

[masivechaos]

arcade and abandoned railway!

── ☆ anderperry x best friend! gn! reader

── ☆ Request: yes / no

── ☆ Synopsis: you and Neil show Todd the town of your childhood

── ☆ Warning/content: nothing, my English

── ☆ a.n.: 0.7k words-

masterlist / dead poets society masterlist / navigation / taglist

Todd didn’t want to go at first. Neil had to convince him multiple times until he accepted. He was scared to be third-wheeling you and Neil even though he was the one in a relationship. You and Neil were best friends for a long time now, you were even the first one who knew about his blond lover. And ever since it’s been months since they started to date, you never had a real occasion to spend time with him. You were more outgoing than he was and he was worried about being erased while hanging out with you.

But Neil wasn’t going to let this slide and he almost forced him to come. So when you saw a blonde head walking next to Neil, your smile widened, glad he was able to convince Todd. “Hi,” you greeted as you shook his hand and he offered you a shy smile as an answer. Neil was looking at him with heart eyes the entire time as if he was the most precious thing on Earth.

“Where should we go?” Neil asked you, holding Todd’s hand firmly.

“The arcade? There’s this new game I want to try.”

Neil and Todd were spending the holiday in your town which Neil is used to visiting during summer and took advantage of it to see you. You decided to show Todd the city, making him discover the streets containing all your childhood memories.

You lead the boys to the arcade and immediately rushed to the said game. “Todd, wanna try?” you asked him. Politely, he shook his head.

“C’mon, Todd” Neil encouraged him. The shy boy accepted, slowly taking place in front of the arcade machine. He held the joysticks between his fingers and started to play, both you and Neil watching him carefully. Todd won the first game and Neil kissed him on the cheek as a reward. 

“Your turn,” Todd smiled. Neil took his boyfriend's place and started to play “You suck,” he said playfully.

“Hey!” Neil said, falsely offended. He heard you laugh and pushed you to the machine “Stop making fun of me! Play and we’ll see!” he chuckled. You continued Neil’s game and managed to save his score and won.

You offered him a scornful smile “You’re just bad at it!” you grinned and shared a proud look with Todd. Neil rolled his eyes before walking to another arcade machine and starting to play. He failed, Todd and you let out a chuckle. He tried and failed again. “Um… You know what? I’ll let both of you play.” You and Todd must have spent at least an hour playing before Neil asked you to find something else to do.

You decided you would grab something to eat and then you would show Todd one of your favourite spots with Neil. You headed to the local ice cream shop, they didn’t taste so good but the shopkeepers were so adorable you and Neil had to see them whenever you could.

Ice creams in hand, the three of you walked to an abandoned railway you and Neil liked to hang out to a lot. Only a few people knew about it and it was mostly empty and was the perfect place to create an imaginary world with your best friend when you were kids.

Sat on a moss-covered rock next to the road, you watched around you, remembering all the afternoons you spent there with Neil, imagining you were pirates one day and knights another.

“You remember when you fell into this bush and came back home crying because it was full of stinging nettles?” you asked with a laugh, thinking about his red face and loud cries. You were worried back then but now you could only find it funny.

Todd let out a laugh “Did he really?”

“Oh, yeah,” you chuckled.

“Hey!” Neil yelped “I was like ten years old!”

“It doesn’t make it any less funny, Neil!” You shared a look with Todd and both of you exploded into a fist of laughter as you observed Neil’s pout.

You spent the rest of the afternoon with Neil and Todd. The latter came out of his shell more and more throughout the time and you got to see the way Todd and Neil acted and you were never more sure they were made for each other.

⋆ ★ neil perry taglist: @cauliflowertree @moonlitmeeks @toindeedbeag0d @meredarling @juneberrie @mystic-writings @natashxromanovf @goodoldfashionedluvergirl @spookydarkwitch @duxpuella @innerloverpainter @vancitycharlie @venussflytraps @diorgirl444 @dori-and-gray @maddipoof @starlit-epiphany @etanordiesbullsh!t @mellozhi @lovings4turn

[lilyfreshwater]

The way I see it, yeah, I guess it's fair to hit people if you want during TGTTOS as you're going along because it's a feature of the game(still annoying though) but it's different and worse when you are actively preventing another player from finishing. The first example is just trying to get a higher placement yourself, the second example is actively sabotaging another person, if that makes any sense

Glad Aqua got through to the finals and won

i mean the best revenge is living well and false certainly accomplished that

[petal-party]

A bouquet of Irises: A symbol of enduring faith and hope.

—

The color blue possessed the ability to charm even God; it’s a hue that is simultaneously soft and sharp, both mellow and bright. Evoked by wavelengths of light ranging from 450 to 495 nanometers, blue is one of the most ubiquitous colors in existence. If you were to ask the six-year-old version of myself, the 130 agreed-upon shades of blue would seem insufficient to accurately encapsulate all the nuances of blue in life. One shade seems lacking because none truly captures the reflective windows of a towering office building.

Holding my father's hand tightly, Iris Rosetta Hartwell was a captivating child. I recall each of my father's colleagues with their bright (or rather, falsely bright) faces, eager to pat my cheeks–which I despised the action every then and now– whenever I completed my set of castle Legos. I remember my father's smile. I remember being my father's greatest treasure.

Every day felt like 'bring your child to work' day for my father, so I harbored no suspicions when he asked me to accompany him on a fine day. However, instead of the usual blues, I was greeted by a sea of oranges. Orange was the color of the California sky, casting a surreal glow on Dad’s face. Orange adorned the building we visited, a vibrant shade of tangerine amidst the surrounding gloom. Orange was the fur of the plush cat toy I held tightly, one that my father won for me at the arcade. Orange also echoed in my father's attire, his shirt a bold statement in burnt orange against the backdrop of the unfamiliar faces clad in uniform. Though I struggled to comprehend the significance of their presence, I instinctively assumed they were my father's colleagues. In a sense, I wasn't wrong; whether they were colleagues or not, they were the ones aiding my father in his new cell.

My father had once cautioned me about the curse that often accompanies such love—to witness the horrors of war firsthand, to feel the lingering heat of a gun barrel.

"I'll come back. I love you,"

As I hear his name whispered by my fading heart, I echo his sentiment: it truly is a curse. Watching him fade into the afterglow, the silence becomes deafening—a weighty promise echoing into nothingness.

That shelter felt nothing like home. It resembled more of a museum, perhaps an orphanage to outsiders, but never a home. Myself and several other children were embodiments of despair, cloaked in tattered cloth and parental disapproval. Within those walls, there were no shared meals or laughter echoing. It's a curse, I thought, to possess knowledge without understanding, to inhabit a space filled with echoes of what could have been.

I'll never forget the loneliness that followed. For a time, I hid behind a mask, unwilling to acknowledge my longing. When you've spent your whole life loving someone and they're gone, where does all that love go?

The once-cheerful Iris Rosetta transformed into a silent observer. I couldn't muster the energy for conversation, not when my most loyal audience was gone. Not when I knew I would crumble at the first mention of my story. So, I preferred to listen in silence, trying to grasp the flickering hope of those children around me who likely knew nothing else.

No worries, I still converse with my plush cat, though. I named it Door Knob, just to have something to hold onto. Eventually, I grew tired and turned to real cats for companionship. If the caretakers noticed me beginning to leave crumbs from my meals for stray cats, I'm glad they minded their own business.

One day, I encountered a white cat in the back garden of the orphanage. He followed my every step, as if it were a 'buy one, get one free' offer—to find hope and a new home. When the owner of the white cat—a short-haired middle-aged woman wearing a tailored blazer—patted my head, I felt a stirring within me. The world felt like creaking floorboards and trembling walls. My faltering heart yearned for her.

"Let's get you home. I love you,"

A mother’s smile. An angel handpicked by divine being. A warm soup and warm embrace to welcome me coming home. She was the one who reshaped my understanding of love.

Now, living in an environment brimming with love—both metaphorically and literally—I’m reaffirmed in my belief that love exists everywhere. How could it not, when every weekend I bear witness to—and participate in—the celebration of love? My heart-of-gold mother is a wedding planner and sometimes I wish I could freeze time to allow her the rest she deserves.

So when the man of her dreams—a renowned theater owner—visits, I waste no time in giving her my blessing. He adds an element of entertainment to her grounded personality. And despite everything, I’m still searching for my father's love everywhere. He had longed for a daughter for so long, treating me as if he was afraid I’d wither away. And to top it off, he brings along a son who is essentially a little genie named Lyvander Grant.

Exhibit A: I found myself trudging through the soggy streets on a mission to attend Grant's class meeting. Despite my best efforts to shield myself with an umbrella, the icy droplets managed to soak me to the bone. As the day wore on, the fever raged, rendering me weak and helpless. But amidst the haze of sickness, one thing remained crystal clear—Grant's unwavering determination to nurse me back to health. He fetched warm blankets, brewed soothing herbal teas, and stayed by my side, offering words of encouragement in his soft voice. It was at that moment I decided to remain silent and steady, to be a pillar of strength for him.

A long time has passed and I suppose it's safe to say that I made it onto his list of most trusted individuals. I hope he knows I’d give my last breath for him.

It has taken me a long time to tell this story, despite ultimately ending up describing everyone around me. I am Iris Rosetta (although as much as I love my father, his surname leaves much to be desired) and I am just a fragment of everyone I have loved.

[libidomechanica]

Two of four kids will always

A cinquain sequence

               1

Two of four kids will always. Let us see. So in the dwarf would they stonde. So we false thee.

               2

There is sunlight laughed them from behind, and, soon regained touch! Or heart renewed, their mourn; but ah!

               3

Began to scorching beauty o’ersnow’d and eye’s delight, moonlight laugh. An’ she has twa sparkles!

               4

Morn in this day; all is heard that are you—banded one? Just the steeds, with a stealthy tressed.

               5

The head like Natures forth, since I saw you the tree among women? But longe assailled been.

               6

What rowne ye with honors to his on your features freeze me out. Last Love, she repays my part.

               7

And play. The topic die. Then she was he slumbering and small, the bridegroom at this their soule!

               8

The business of gold; somme been spilt.—So on I move beyond the stored, to whom a hyacinths.

               9

Was there is best. Say, maidenhood against which, done, must do: for was, and file the magistrate.

               10

Ye fates! If I had done he put my arm in your soothing wind. His heart the neat lines of light.

               11

Forgetful of vermilion: and the brink of it, er thou wouldst stay! Yet she had the gentle.

               12

Do you knowest the stars of sunshine on the signified: the fabric of mi skirt, just so.

               13

His bride. Of índulgence; so it was going? How happy maid, while ribboned watered will.

               14

For perchance your elegant scars. The voice of loue, all imagin’d good, was the sacrifice.

               15

Faith so weake? Or were not. She knew: her answered; this Courtesy; and I am not in vain?

               16

I listened with some call and sting; nor please; he rode, he fence. Taken in by none had not wait.

               17

From the kingdom and oft the dove, my undefiled. Wedded than Endymion, weep not so!

               18

One part Doppelganger trying to the early to the future way to know. The blood agayn.

               19

Too jealousy is cruelly wrong, my love was wedded bee; and their mournful sweetly, and won.

               20

I told her alone. And I am not the girl and love, good nature’s chimes, its chimes, its glow.

               21

Though fled is Seint Jerome, that cliff-road edged with sapphires. Spring bade the brook the galwes!

               22

Impetuous lover freed his right were and the smart, but theirs alone, among cool clouds like men!

               23

—Ah, me! Heed, namoore dorste nat wirche as much one day: they’re fools; he cheated by his glimmering.

               24

Today when sweet? Leagues no other was Leave me gracing look of wikkednesse was al mankynde.

               25

This is to pray. The ground her wrist, one instantly renew their hearts! Honeycomb with meanings.

               26

The greater name upon his pain, and left the father is crying still. Or ran the eyes wente.

               27

There his wyf, and his name did with flowers if that then? ’ She has twa sparkling roguish een.

               28

May he whase arms so idly lain amongst them? Everyone knows too, and I must not the land!

               29

With my dust, nor that I am talking. Gládly, sirės, sith I hadde me yeven al hir lyve.

               30

Wants to the blessing fear: backward the stove in most terrifying. Upturns her marriage night.

               31

Before harm than half- oblivion, the longer I go the ferthe. Thy cheek began to bark.

               32

Thine head upon ech a syde. Dissolve the monstrous males that brings you out of his deaf moonlight?

               33

Was leaping upon earth: their native East. Women who holds a dying in the gable-wall.

               34

Shall alegge this were dead! Once more and silent, drawing nigh and low! Of his steed him in pearl.

               35

Full fain juno’s proud heart, trembling, hidden fawn. The finger fit; loves and houndes, the heavens.

               36

There is better returning tongue shall it praised her heart, I look. And all these things in wedlock.

               37

I wol have, I nyl nat maad with flowers, and gladding green covert: there is best. Your silence.

               38

Now, sire, quod he, and that is misunderstonde. Your features broke away, come her ankles.

               39

A monkey had me yiven hir lord servyse. And ever, but in two his right naught, but ah!

               40

Save the love is all decay. Left your from the Bow of Evil Fate but reach out for his crook.

               41

One part a barbed hook, one part to another love more delit. Same and grief, posterity.

               42

Heaven’ he added, lest some part! And all the early in thine owne fiers might with fierceness.

               43

Yet hadde he me by the gal come out empty. False, ere I come, and made the same treachery!

               44

And therwithal he knew, must be, to lose in gross, and she hath desire, with sides doth know.

               45

Shall aid thy cradle; hither! In war: every grace, an’ she has twa sparkling roguish een.

               46

When this’ she said I am aweary, I would not of. Go about to goe a shooting.

               47

In the cheats, with weight. Of jubilee to Dian:- truth I heard that smiles, wan as primroses!

               48

And when the middle of the soothsayers old saw yesterday? How tedious thrills from thee.

               49

But Iphigene to womankind. And sweet life, though rough briar nor muffling the cold sward.

               50

All the men of myrrh, upon the chapel opens, where anguish. Thou swan of Ganges and shakes.

               51

How bragly it bears—this knoweth every womman kan. Of giants living waves fold thunder.

               52

He, whole world that I well believes in. A Richard, and the year. And Paris changing the lid.

               53

Her tears have gone to sufferer begins to burn out her hand she brought me. The native land!

               54

His banner over-fond: so, to prechyng eek, and fast, saw’st thou mayst delight. A common grow.

               55

What worst all beauty will sever. Her form withdrew the drunken squardon flies, they bothe his yen.

               56

The smart may pitie claim no more beautiful. You of the sun, where you sick, it’s true—I still them.

               57

No harm! Somewhat unusual luck! It was vpon a holiday, then the moon-tints of the mud.

               58

If all the sorrow and pains, and adore. Not prizing her eyes I used to run away, oh!

               59

Do so. For Mercy, Pity, Peace. But grind the shore, with zebras striped, and his western bower.

               60

There is such yoke of wo that no wight, from base desire, close up its blood I staunch, and joined.

               61

Up which sometime may be seen, with all corroding arts, be able to untie! I call God!

               62

I bake. And hasten to tame the other, the angels, muse, to speed. No stream with banishment.

               63

My love of course, the land: betwixt mine is their smart: and if she successors. A little stars.

               64

Ne I wolde, as thought of a pomegranates budded. Now elles, Frere, I nam nat I.

               65

That may expres of light by light, to make a morow? Shock of beach housbondes at distance.

               66

The Blessed. Her undinal vast belly moonward ran the daughter of bliss, dearest tie of you.

               67

Here, here at the warm delight is dreary, had reach’d him. Maybe he replied: No! A not torn.

               68

Nothing to thee! Whither hand shoulder quite literally is like a thread of scarlet gytes.

               69

There arms thy love, let me know bedbugs? And yet’ I said, The night: on spleen to tame the thunders!

               70

Or why sholde nat han daunted. When they’re nothyng of my mother clutched the Maker’s image see.

               71

I charge the smell of Lebanon: look from Gilead. Or to weave with no one to cry for, love.

               72

Sire in the earth forget. Until drown’d beyond my days can ne’er renew it; but you may!

               73

Fro hous to hous, although neuer slake, and oak leaves are shadow of a tree. That I were dead!

               74

She said; she saw the gal come out to go out. Go with erring pride, and to this piracy.

               75

Reads verse and spread their heart the sword and even her kind. If all they bear of consequences.

               76

How long way home? Light, these both leant to be and no sooner but one resign in mine eyes.

               77

Or death, speech was but slip and bleed. But when I though that sings on Cessnock banks unseen, alone.

               78

Your eyes in swich daliance, she yaf hym swich estaat as God lust yive it to the rest complied.

               79

For a word that your change to changes for the two of them. And will ever call me Papa.

               80

To speak these: nothing as warriors come, and stalls in ev’ry grace, and eek mateere. Back to me.

               81

Whining, rearranging there life’s dearest bands untwining? And to thus: yet will best exceeds?

               82

Stand the motionless? She seems to pierce for both that I hadde, as they survey; and in his sleeve!

               83

Quick was the sea for? While you discourage droop, despaire at me down thy rosy shadow sway.

               84

Labyrinth now grows. On such wild scattering Pyes, do louers case, I reade it for youre praktike.

               85

A crown to blind in a lofty Pile, and wit he fountain-sides at charge you, my sunny fields.

               86

Restored it was still my flessh so deep forth my tale. In shadow in the darkness and aspire.

               87

Thy presence; as a swallows’ call? I am in love and pleasure by the rest of the oar!

               88

Lives in the galleries. Yes, call me no answer us today as I were deed tomorwe!

               89

Her long been; but for to touch they had learned no more! Where and this is my well-beloved!

[casitafallz]

LTRL AU | False pretences

“How’s the arm?”

“Better. Dr Lopez says the tear was only slight in one of them when he cleaned it up and applied new stitches.” Isa spoke, twisting her arm a little to her newly bandaged arm to Abuelita who was fussing softly, filling her dinner plate with more food and topping up her juice. “It could have been worse.”

Abuelita tittered softly, not agreeing with her statement. “We cannot simply let that pass. Marquez has no right to just grab anyone.”

“I made sure people around me knew what she did. I did break her nose which…hurt but felt good.” Her other knuckle had been iced but she didn’t overly want to go to her mother and open up more questions on what happened. Either they’d find out tomorrow by her or by the town; whichever came first. She didn’t want a family flurry and check-ins just yet. She wanted a quiet evening.

The fact that she was currently having that was a nice change.

Abuelita laughed at that. “I’m glad your father taught you that.”

Isa smiled fondly. It had been a while and it was only a small lesson that was cut short; Abuela hadn’t thought it would be ladylike to fight anyone. “Tomorrow, people will notice. She’ll probably cook up a story to go with it and try and paint me like the bad guy.”

“An, yes.” Abuelita wrinkled her nose. “Let’s see what’s been said but otherwise just defend yourself on the matter. I’ll blacklist her from our shops and services from now on now there’s a known reason for it.”

“Good start.” Isabela knew there were other places with cheaper clothing but less in quality; Sara would have options but that was her own fault to limiting herself. “I bet she’ll try and do something public, like an apology to put me on the spot… maybe throw in a gift as well.” Mateo had warned her earlier about the tactics Sara could use while he frowned at her injury with the vision hugged to his chest.

“Huh…” Abuelita paused in thought as she settled back to her own plate. “That’ll be an attempt to make you look bad if you refuse…”

“For the town, all they’ll see is an apology for opening up my wounds so turning it down looks petty.” Isabela picked up her cutlery again. “I don’t want to accept anything from her,” she whined, her knife stabbed into her plate at that.

“People like her, you need to play her game to play yours. Let her think she’s winning.” Abuelito spoke, making them both jump at his arrival. Abuelita rose to meet him, getting him a plate to sit.

“Abuelito?”

Abuelito smelt a little stronger of tobacco as he shrugged off his coat and hung it up. “Did you start dinner without me? Again.”

“You were late, my dear husband, and there are extra mouths to feed.” Abuelita spoke, setting down and helping him fill his plate, “home to dinner on the table, why complain?”

“I wasn’t and that ‘extra’ mouth to feed is probably sucking on his thumb.” Abuelito patted her arm assuring, though his face turned a little more serious, “Isa, I heard you broke a certain someone’s nose, well done but...as I said, you’ve got to be careful with how you play this out.”

Isabela tiredly chewed, humming softly to his words. “I know…”

Abuelito gave her a stern look. “Sara’s got a lot of friends on her side and a silver tongue. People like her try to control the narrative of the situation to keep things in their favor.”

“I know.” Isa nodded. It was how she no doubt got her claws into people…like Mateo.

“If she gives it, accept the apology without resistance and let her think she’s won this round. The chances are, she’ll expect you to refuse and get… loudly ‘upset’. If she sees you resist straight off, she gets enjoyment out of putting you under pressure.” Abuelito continued. “Never give anyone the satisfaction of seeing you uncomfortable like that.”

Isa blinked at him for a moment, surprised he’d know these methods but before her heart sunk a little as she vaguely recalled his family history with his…Tia. She could only imagine his memories weren’t of good times with his uncle prior to his Tia’s death. He learned the hard way.

“Okay, Abuelito.”

 -

 Alma stayed up, a little later than usual but nothing too dramatic as she sat at the table quietly, eyeing the potted plant thoughtfully in the dim candle light. Her mind felt a little more buzzing but she couldn’t help it.

Sara Marquez.

Alma had done a final check in town after hearing a brief rumour spread of Isabela breaking her nose, calming any nerves away from the assumption of it being Isa’s fault. Apparently, the woman had grabbed Isa’s arm and reopened her arm wound which triggered Isa’s punch to her face by response. How badly, Alma didn’t know but no one had come running to her and… she felt it was best to leave it to Vera for now if everything was alright.

But, she knew tomorrow was going to be a long day.

She had a lot to deal with and…not much support in her own family. A soft prayer to Pedro hadn’t soothed her as much as it used to but… she had to get things in order with her family. Delicately.

Oh how she wished Pedro was here; offering guidance with her. Her eyes turned to the candle she had brought down from her room which was her only source of comfort.

Her family was breaking into pieces and… her apologies hadn’t gone far with two of her three children today. She didn’t know what to do if they didn’t accept them. She hadn’t dared approach Pepa yet, not out of fear but… it was never a good time; the conversation always turned sour and always seen to turn back to Camilo and Isabela. A new approach was needed but she didn’t know how to start.

Her thumb rubbed over her locket, soft smooth circles as she pondered but the feeling of loss was always gaping. Present in a ways she had forgotten since the family had grown; she could see the gaps now the moment Bruno hesitated to forgive her.

“Abuela, are you okay?” Her eyes rose sharply to see Mirabel in her nightgown and an empty glass in her hands as she hovered in the open doorway to the kitchen. 

“I’m—“ She paused, “I’ve had better days.” She hated saying that but if she was perfectly fine, she wouldn’t be sitting at her dining room table alone and staring at a candle and a plant.

Mirabel hovered uncertainly, looking to the kitchen sink but Alma turned her gaze away to let her decide on her own to get her drink and go. Instead of leaving after she got her drink, Mirabel came back, pulling back a chair three seats away before sitting.

“Did something happen today?” Mirabel asked, taking a careful sip of her drink.

“A few things… didn’t get far with anything.” Alma admitted, “Isabela broke someone's nose this evening so… I’ll be dealing with that tomorrow no doubt. I’d rather not but… it can’t be helped.”

Mirabel snorted into her glass. “She what?”

“Sara Marquez’s nose.” Alma clarified.

Mirabel’s amusement vanished quickly. “Oh.”

“It was justified so I’ll let it pass. Just don’t believe what nonsense the Marquez girl tells you if you cross paths with her, play along with it safely.” Alma warned as a precaution, “Understand?”

Mirabel didn’t look too surprised at her words but she nodded nonetheless.

“Good. Until we know what’s truly happened to her brother, I can’t trust her around my family.” It made her uneasy to think that; to have this fear reawakened but she…she could do this for her family. Protecting them from outsiders like her was easier than from each other it seemed.

“She really worries you.” Mirabel’s voice was surprised, “Is it about her brother’s absence? What Dolores said?”

Alma inhaled deeply. “This if a gift from her,” nodding to the plant. “She thinks no one else knows about the possibility of…abuse she’s put her family through. I can’t know for sure what happened between her and her brother but… he’s not been seen in town since I…sent him home.”

Mirabel brought the cup to her lips. “He’s dead?”

“She’s claiming he’s vanished to go camping to avoid the gossip,” Alma spoke.

“Well… I do suppose that’s a reasonable excuse to some—not that I believe it, Abuela.”

“Given the fact Camilo never spilled to the town this time that Isa had…relations with the boy, no one knew. No gossip.” It was another small, overlooked excuse that sowed in doubt into her mind on the girl’s honesty. “She thinks I haven’t caught on yet and…right now, I need her to believe that. I need to fix this, not just for Isabela.” She could feel the soft rise of guilt as she recalled the vision.

A tiny infant wrapped up and…fatherless until she could get Mateo Marquez located. For his safety or for closure. Maybe, if she was lucky; get him married to Isa. It wasn’t just about the family’s reputation; it was very damaged at this point but… a bastard baby could lead to a lot more isolation to the parents. The child himself would bare a heavy weight for his parents. His jobs may even be limited as a result if people found out, people had once lost their livelihood for it as well.

“Mama’s been very quiet today.” Mirabel spoke, “And Pa. Talking a lot together, actually.”

Alma’s attention turned away from her troubles back to her granddaughter. “Your Tio had a vision of the baby.”

Mirabel gasped, her hand coming to her face. “Really?! Is he cute?” She almost demanded. “Oh, of course, he is! Isa’s gorgeous; no doubt he inherited all of that.”

Alma gave a soft nod. “Antonio is…very excited.”

Mirabel’s nails clinked thoughtfully against the glass though she could see the cogs spinning in her head; probably trying to decide if it was worth going to go down and see the vision herself tomorrow.

“I am going to make him so many clothes…” Mirabel grinned. “Oh he’s going to be so spoiled...”

“Let’s…not get too far ahead, Mirabel.” Abuela interjected, “There are many weeks between now and when he’s born. A lot can happen and…we have a lot to deal with before he’s born.” Which did remind Alma that she should also tend to her grandchildren as well; start her apologies to them as well.

“I suppose.” Mirabel rose to her feet slowly. “Still, I have an idea for a cute little ruana for him in for when he’s big enough to wear one.”

Alma nodded, allowing herself to smile at her antics as Mirabel wandered off happily to bed. The apology was still on her lips but… another time.

A better time would come.

  -

As expected, gossip and wonder had spread across town but...unfortunately had the news of Isa’s relations with the Mateo boy as well; indicating Sara had let slip that information last night which was the talk of the town. Thankfully, she didn’t see a sign of Isa in town before she made her way to Vera’s shop.

Inside, it was surprisingly full though mostly a few girls working with adjusting a few quinceañera dresses while Vera herself was working with taking measurements of her customer of a customer skirt though a few seemed to be browsing the premade clothes.

Alma eyed them wearily.

“….it such a shame to hear about what happened with Isabela and the carpenter boy. I hope everything dies down soon.” The woman was saying, though it looked like Vera desperately wanted to stab the woman with her selection of needles by the tense expression on her face.

“Why don’t you start by not talking about it?” Alma spoke up, startling not only Vera who did stab her customer, getting a sharp hiss back but Alma spoke to draw the attention away and to put this into place quickly. “Perhaps go to church confession for the sin of gossip. Such behavior is very unfitting for a good Christian, don’t you think?” Alma raised her eyebrow.

“Er, it was a simple, innocent conversation.”

“Señora Perez, that’s how such a sin starts. What had happened is a family concern and will be treated as such. It is not for you to sin about for your own entertainment and I will not tolerate it either. This applies to everyone,” She added to the other customers in the shop. “Good day.” She turned and walked from the shop; she could visit at a less busy time.

Less ears.

Alma worked her way through town, doing her best to shut down people who were in ear range with the bible; it was a very good tool to aid in getting those back to some order in town.

Ultimately, Alma found herself entering the shop that she really didn’t want to. It wasn’t entirely empty though she put on a reserved demeanor as she noticed the owner behind the counter, selling off a few bunches of flowers to the only other customer.

It was clear to see the broken nose had been bad; Sara Marquez’s nose was taped and secured but the bruises gave her a dual black eye that looked terrible with clear signs of swelling. But, it didn’t look like Sara was in a terrible amount of pain; probably on a good painkiller.

“I’ll be fine, David but thank you.” Sara was saying to her customer. “I’ll be fine, it just looks worse than it actually is.” Sara sighed softly, patting the customer on his shoulder though bid farewell. Alma was noticed very quickly as she passed the leaving man. “Ah. Doña Madrigal, I was hoping to see you today.”

Clearly.

Alma nodded, “I was hoping for some answers to…what happened last night. I heard rumor my granddaughter punched you.”

Sara swallowed but nodded. “A…misunderstanding, I assure you. It was probably deserved but… in my defense and respectfully, I didn’t realize which arm had been injured previously. I never intended to hurt your granddaughter.”

“But, you did.” Alma spoke, “Given she had been attacked in surprise by a jaguar a few days ago; her weariness is not without reason. I’m sure you can understand why she acted first?”

Sara looked down a very convincing appearance of shame. “Of course. I…I hadn’t realized that.”

Alma nodded, “Then I am glad to see it settled and that you’re otherwise on the mend.”

“One thing…” Sara stepped forwards. “I know… I said a lot of things in regards to Isabela in the past but…I am sorry I let the best of my temper get the better of me.”

Alma cocked her head. “Yes, you did.” What was Sara aiming for now?

“I want to apologize to Isabela but…I know my presence wouldn’t be overly welcome so, I was hoping that you could pass along my apologies for what happened yesterday and what I said eight months ago.”

“I can try but there will be no promises.” Alma nodded, and she had no intention to keep such promises but Sara here didn’t need to know that.

“If…Isabela forgive my wrong doings, will that…open up the option of your family’s aid?” Sara’s hands drifted up to her face for a moment, “I could…really do with your daughter’s healing if you could permit it. I… I’m struggling with my sense of smell. Eating is…very weird.”

And that was what she was aiming for. Help. “That will….have to be of my daughter’s decision on the matter. It is her gift after all but do not hope for high expectations given what happened to her daughter.” She’d have to talk to Julieta quickly to get her off her back as soon as possible. From her waist, she took a look at the time before she bid her farewell and made her exit from the Marquez flower shop.

Alma though didn’t get too far really, only by a few meters as Sara’s voice echoed.

“Doña Madrigal!”

Begrudgingly, Alma turned with a falsely polite smile to see Sara holding a new plant in her hands. “Here, let this be a token of my apology.”

“Thank you, though please, call me Alma.”

Sara practically lit up at that though it made Alma’s skin crawl a little as she sucked the pot into her side and headed back towards Casita to throw it away.

 -

Through the alleyway facing the two departing figures, no one noticed as Isabela stalked away unhappily, her vision clutched to her chest.

[edgybutnotveryedgy]

You know, as much as it sucks that i have had generalised anxiety disorder + adhd + most likely asd (etc) as long as i can remember, something I've realised as I've gotten older is that it's all multigenerational on both sides of my family.

So on one hand i clearly won the genetic lottery, but on a more wholesome note, I've been able to realize that it's okay to be this way. If my ancestors could do it then maybe i can too?

More specifically regarding generalized anxiety, it sucks that me, my mom, my sister, and my grandma have all had to deal with it. But something that I've noticed is that by all of us having that shared experience, we've been able to help each other. Like my grandma passed a long time ago, but she was able to help my mom, who in turn has helped me and my sister.

One thing that she always would tell my mom, and my mom would later tell me was "it all works out, one way or another." Honestly this phrase has so much meaning to me. Like it doesn't put up a false illusion that one day I'll be "happy" and everything will be okay. I know that's not how life works. I'll probably never be "happy", but in the end it will all work out. Probably not how I'd like it to work out, but it will and it does.

Not only have i had advice from families who've dealt with the same problems though (but good and bad advice), but as I've been figuring stuff out I've been able to help my family to.

I remember during 2020 and my moms anxiety was the worst I'd ever seen. It was both frustrating and heartbreaking. Sometimes she'd yell at me or I'd yell at her or both, and it was a lot to deal with, but I also remember talking to her and having heart to hearts with her. We discussed the anxiety that we both had.

She had years ago taken antidepressants/anxiety medication, but because of the negative effects it had on her, she opted out of taking them. I had by then been taking medication for my anxiety for a few years, and it had been a huge help for me. So i suggested she talk to her doctor about taking medication. We were able to talk about the benefits, and downsides, as well as her concerns with starting that kind of medication.

In the end she did go talk to her doctor and was able to get a prescription, and i could see it make a change in her life like it had mine. I feel like this experience also helped us become closer.

I guess in general, as nice as it would be to not have to deal with anxiety related problems, I'm kinda glad that i have them? I guess im more grateful for the way it has helped me, and helped me build my relationships. Inevitably it still does more harm than good, but if I didn't have it, then i don't think I'd be who i am today.

I don't know, but then again does anyone?