#but all the hard and gross stuff hes like OK I am out moms turn fuck this

[mothwingwritings]

WOW!!! I LOVED "The Innocent Act Of Dredging Up The Past", IT WAS VERY GOOD!

I wonder how Y/N reacted when she found out she was pregnant and how Fox allowed herself to keep the baby because he doesn't seem like someone who likes sharing attention.

Thank you so much darling!!! I am so glad you asked me this because I have been thinking about Ren as a father nonstop since that request. My brain has been full of many thoughts and opinions and I am happy to have an outlet for sharing lol. That being said, forgive my blathering. ^^;

(18+ and warnings for noncon, pregancy/baby birthing talk, incredibly unhealthy relationships, abuse, and being kidnapped/held against your will.)

Being impregnated by Ren would be absolutely dreadful for you, causing you to spiral into a pit of fear and despair the moment you miss a period or begin to feel queasy in the morning. With the signs starting to show, your brain comes to the instant conclusion that you are with child-his child, and it frightens you like nothing else before. At first you try and convince yourself nothing is wrong, that you are probably just late due to stress, and your upset stomach can be any number of things, it doesn’t necessarily mean you are pregnant. Any of your symptoms can be explained away by something else, so in an effort to try and maintain your sanity your brain churns out explanation after explanation, no matter how nonsensical they may be, in hopes of calming your rampant nerves by coming to some other resolution. A stream of constant lies and false reassurances play on repeat in your brain, forcing the thought that you may actually be a mother to the farthest reaches of your mind.

But the longer you wait and the more you dwell on it, the more you are faced with the inevitable. He never wears protection, you haven’t had access to birth control, and despite your warnings of it being a delicate time of month for you, his base instincts always won out in the end. There was nothing else this could be.

Faced with the reality of the situation, you were now tasked with the burden of sharing the news with Ren. You didn’t want to tell him, terrified of what his response would be, worried that he would somehow blame this all on you and hurt you because of it, quite possibly worse than he ever has before. But an even more horrifying concern than that is if the news actually pleases him. What if he wants to keep the baby? What if you were forced to carry this pregnancy to term while trapped in this grim environment, left to raise another human that shares half their dna with a man who has done nothing but cause you irrevocable damage?

No matter what the outcome, none of them are favorable.

But you didn’t have a choice, and you knew it was better to break it to Ren sooner rather than later, lest this whole nightmare become irreversible. In the event he saw things your way, you wanted this thing out of your body as soon as possible (though you loathed to consider what strings Ren would pull to achieve this, and what backwater procedure would be done to do so).

At first Ren brushes it off, not truly believing your concern. He’s had sex with you countless times without protection and just now you get pregnant? Seems suspicious, so he concludes you’re either overreacting or trying to get a rise out of him, potentially both, and that in and of itself riles him up. Are you telling him this as some kind of ploy? Are you using a false pregnancy as a means to get him to ease up on you a bit or as an attempt at escape? After all you had gone through together, after all the love he has lavished upon you by sharing his home, his life, his heart, with you… Would you really tell a lie like this?

He struggles with that possibility. Despite his inclination to feel otherwise, he has a hard time believing you would use a pregnancy scare for your own selfish benefit. You have always been a good girl, his good girl, and deep inside he knows this is not something that is within your nature to do, even if he does have some major doubts.

So, though he doesn’t truly believe your claims, he buys the pregnancy test more as a means to shut you up and prove a point than because he actually believes you. Needless to say, he ends up biting his tongue over that one.

When hit with the truth, his emotions are mixed. On one hand, he wants nothing to do with children or child rearing. He didn’t have to do much of a self-assessment to recognize he would be a shit father, and he never particularly wanted to be a father to begin with. His own upbringing wasn’t the best, he himself never really having a father figure that was worth a damn to guide him or show him any love or support. He had no parenting manual to go off of, and was sure that a culmination of having no positive family experience and maturing into the warped individual he had become led to no other conclusion than NOT being cut out for fatherhood in the slightest.

More than that however, the thought of sharing you, even with a life he helped create, really REALLY pissed him off. Thinking of all the nights you would be spending tending to the baby when you could instead be wrapped up in his arms, or all the attention and affection you will be giving some inept kid that could instead be going towards him, truly gets under his skin. He doesn’t WANT to share you. You’re HIS. And while a baby isn’t going to change that, he doesn’t want the needless competition to begin with.

But on the other hand, having a baby does have its appeal. It would be nice to bring a life into this world that loves him from the get-go, completely relying on him while being totally oblivious to all that has happened in the past. That sort of pure, blind love is hard to come by in this world, and the fact that he could obtain it so easily from a life he created with you, a human that has your blood running through its veins, is EXTREMELY appealing. And on top of that, you are sure to love the child whether its conception was wanted/planned or not. If you loved a child that was half his for the remainder of your life, would that not bind you to him for just as long? Though he didn’t doubt your loyalty (or his ability to keep you tied to him with no hope of escape), it would be a nice assurance to have in the rare event things did not end up going his way.

Once that thought enters his head, it’s over. No further thinking or future planning is required-he is going to be a father, and YOU are the beautiful mama! Congratulations! (Does he get off to you being pregnant? Did this pregnancy make Ren Hana realize he has a breeding kink??? Sources say yes and that’s your problem to deal with now. :))

♡

Holding his newborn for the first time, he has never been so nervous. Tears flood his eyes as he watches the small bundle squirming in his arms, his heart aching as they stare up at him with wide, pure, inquisitive eyes. He was no stranger to ending lives, but creating them? This was something entirely new, as exhilarating as it was scary. His smile grew as he stared at her small face, pleased that she looked so much like you. He could only hope that her personality would mirror yours as well.

♡

As time passes and the baby grows, you find out quick that Ren has a very ‘hands off’ way of parenting, which is to say he relies on you to do most of the work. And honestly, he feels that is fair. He’s the breadwinner who works hard to provide for you and the newborn, which leaves all other parental duties in your capable hands. You are left to be the child’s main caregiver, their guiding force to lead them through life, their teacher, confidante, and friend. It’s a daunting task, all residing solely on your shoulders.

Ren won’t readily admit it, but he much prefers it that way. All the abuse that he has suffered through from an early age, every heinous act of violence that has been carried out by his own hands (your wounds, included), all of it has turned him into something unrecognizable, something grotesque. Even if he wanted to have more of a presence in his child’s life, he knows he doesn’t deserve it. If he had too much sway in the kids development there’s a good chance they will grow up to be like him in some way or another, which would be a waste of all the love and hard work that you had put into raising them into being an upstanding person. Ren had made peace with who he had become, but that didn’t mean he wanted to keep a cycle that someone like Strade had begun going either.

So, the baby more or less becomes your soul responsibility, and god is that a burden for you. It’s bad enough that you have such little support from Ren to begin with, but the fact that this is YOUR first time being a parent as well makes it all so much worse. You have no idea what the hell you are doing, and with Ren making sure to keep you as isolated as possible you had no one else to turn to for help, either. It was just you and this brand new life with no one else to rely on, if you fucked up in even the smallest way it could be devastating to the baby. If your daughter got truly hurt, sick, or worse in your care, you didn’t know how you would live with the repercussions, let alone handle Ren’s reaction.

If your life with Ren hadn’t already made you a strung out, nervous, irritable wreck, being a mother certainly would. As she continues to grow, Ren refuses to discipline the child at all, not wanting in any way to appear like a ‘bad guy’ to your daughter. Given the circumstances, part of you is thankful for that (you honestly don’t know what you would do if he turned his ire towards her), but it also just makes things more difficult with you. You are already beyond stressed about trying to raise a child in this type of environment, having no united front and constantly butting heads makes raising her that much harder, especially when any kind of rule you attempt to establish can so easily be overridden by her father who has no remorse over the frustration this causes, nor care as to how his flippancy may affect your child’s development in the long run.

It’s also not lost on you that being the sole disciplinarian also paints you in a less than favorable manner in your child’s eyes, something you are sure Ren has thought about as well. Being the ‘strict’ parent means your child will be more likely to hide things from you, or seek out her father instead of you for support, approval, and advice. Given whom Ren was as a person, this thought didn’t sit particularly well with you.

All you can really hope and pray for is that somehow despite the lack of social interaction and outside influence she will grow up to be a decent human. Even maturing under the delusion that her father is a noble man, even if in some instances you have to make yourself the villain, as long as it helps her out in  the long run you’ll do everything you can to insure your daughter lives the best life she possibly can, whether her father helps you or not.

I think the REAL problems will begin when the child gets older. When she truly comes into herself and forms her own opinions, develops her own personality, and starts to forge her own way of life… It’s gonna be messy. :/ Your child’s autonomy is definitely going to be a point of contention for Ren in the future, and he won’t be so pleased if/when she catches on to his true nature and begins to rebel or straight up reject him. God forbid she tries and join forces with you or attempt to become your savior. It’s going to take a lot of cunning on her end to make it out unscathed.

Also, I kind of touched on it previously, but Ren would be incredibly horny the whole pregnancy. Not that he isn’t already incessantly slavering over you, something about seeing you round and full just makes him snap. Which is scary in its own right, Ren isn’t the most gentle of lovers to begin with and has a tendency to lose himself more often than naught, hurting you in the process. It’s a constant struggle to satiate him while protecting yourself and the unborn baby, best of luck to you! :D

(And he’ll definitely breastfeed from you. He’s gotta make sure you are producing enough for the baby, ya know? :))

[justamessedupdisneyprincess]

Wow. So people are still accusing ME of harassing people huh? Firstly I wanna say I didn’t “harass” anyone. If I ever “start” anything it’s only cause they start it first. Because they said something horrible to me that made me feel suicidal again.

For the record, I’m not the monster here. What you said and did to me fucked me up real good. I’m not saying you’re a monster or you’re the bad guy but you did stuff to hurt me that’s why I “hurt” you. I stand up for myself. I did not “harass” you but you said things that made me as I said before suicidal and I hated that you got away with it. Also calling people names and swearing angrily and guilt tripping isn’t setting boundaries.

I’ve been clean since the very beginning of 2020. I’m not pulling the victim card or some shit here but you SHOULD know that I used to cut all the time in my teen years and in 2020 I finally stopped because I finally had people be nice to me for once. 2020 was the only year where I didn’t get harassed by anyone and the Onward fandom was so nice to me back then and supported ALL of me and who I was both inside and out. I was ok in 2021 until December after seeing a post saying I should be disgusted in myself and that I don’t really love Barley and that I should get fucked because I have a kink. A belly fetish. I was able to hold off cutting by I was questioning myself for the longest time and felt suicidal again and I vented too much online which lead to this. For the record I only vent online because I am at my worst and am on the verge of actually committing suicide and I have no one else to turn too. Suicide line sucks. I have no therapy because A, they’re all booked out and B, I am terrified to try as I had an Autistic-phobic psychiatrist who literally yelled at me because I wasn’t “a functional adult”. He had a go at me cause I didn’t get my license at 18 or a job and I was crying and sobbing because I was getting death threats back then. So yeah that made me feel worse and I’m scarred for life and am scared to seek help. Also I rarely vent to my family because I have daddy issues you can say. I won’t really get into it but it made me scared to ever tell my family anything because of the things he used to say to me if I ever felt anything.

After June I myself got harassed as well mind you. I got suicidal again and started getting bad nightmares and by the end of the year after bottling it all up I lost it and snapped. I did it again but more violently then ever before, deeper and longer and absolutely all over my arms. It was hard to hide them in summer. My Mom found me out because I wore long sleeves on hot days and I ended up explaining everything to her and how I have a kink. She said there was nothing wrong with it and that my dad even liked that sort of thing as well. It honestly made me feel better. I felt like I wanted to vomit as I explained because everyone online always treated me like I was wrong so I was scared to tell my family if they will agree and think I’m gross. But to my surprise they didn’t. My mental health has gone backwards and I’m my 2019 self again. The had to increase medication cause I was getting violent in public and trying to fight people who cut in line and do rude shit like that cause I’m so fucking done with humanity and humans, for all the shit they done to me. I made a few attempts to take my life but my family has been keeping a close eye on me. My mother took away my pocket knife, I have no idea where it is but it’s for the best that it’s gone. I still get strong urges to do those things. Also that aside my trichtillomania is out of control and my fucking eyelids are bald but that’s not exactly life threatening but its more that I feel embarrassed and ugly afterwards. I have been taking lots and lots of medicine more so than usual just to avoid hurting myself. My mom says she is going to seek out a therapist but I’m fucking terrified of it after what happened last time.

But yeah, you should know I’m not some “cyberbullying”. I am just a girl with several different mental disorders trying to fight my rights to be myself without having to feel guilty or gross about it. I just want to be me without any “friends” suddenly saying “you’re gross and I fucking hate you” and leaving me and saying more shit about me behind my back. This has happened so many times that I lost count and I’m so over it. Now I’m too scared to even make any new friends at all because I know now that I was born to be hated. But yeah, sorry if I ended up having people come to you and saying shit, that wasn’t my intention when I vented about the things you said. But you should know that I had people coming to ME as well and say horrible things to me as well. And I’ve reverted back to my 2019 self. All that recovery from 2020 is gone yet there, like a hazy dream. But I cling to those memories because it’s the only thing that’s keeping me from going completely insane. But yeah. You did bad too. Consider that.

[nella09archive]

Marriage. 68

Chapter 68: A little get together

After dinner, mom allowed us to take a bath outside. The fun part was that all 3 of us did it together. It was rare Gohan took baths with me, after a long while. But it was so awesome to share it with him, and dad. I felt good saying that word. I have a dad now. I get to do stuff him and Gohan used to do, maybe even other stuff. Mom always did say that Gohan grew up different than me. So, that means, I get to have a different type of relationship with dad. I’m so happy.

After bath time, I asked my parents if I could sleep in their bed tonight. Surprisly, it was Gohan who said no. Even said he’s sleeping in my room tonight. I wonder why he’s doing that. Mom face got all red, and so did dad, till it turned to a weird smile. Gohan saw that, and made a gross face. Dad started to laugh behind his hand, and mom hit his arm. “That’s it. Goten we’re going camping.” He then dragged me out the house. I looked back to see what mom would say, only see dad covering mom’s mouth. What in the world? Some reason I felt mad. This is so not fair. When Gohan got me outside, he whisper how he told me about mom and dad needing private time. Oh yeah. With that I got happy again, and followed Gohan.

…

“So, I’m guessing you gave Gohan ‘the talk.’” I couldn’t help to blush at that, as I nodded. “So, does that mean we got the house to ourselves for the night?” Oh my. It’s been so long since I heard him speak like that. It actually made me nervous. When I knew I only had a day with him, I was ready to do anything. But now that he’s back for good, I can’t help feel nervous. “It’s ok.” He kissed my forehead, and hugged me. “We don’t have to, tonight. We can take our time.” He then kissed my neck. “Even though I want to, but I’ll be content to at least hold you all night.” I couldn’t help smile at that, and we walked up to our room. It felt nice thinking that again.

“Should we at least let them know they could come back?”

“Na. We might not be doing anything, but doesn’t mean I don’t want to spend alone time with you.” That actually made me happy. “Now come on. Knowing you, you probably have a lot to yell at me about. So, here’s you chance. You got an early start.” He kept smiling, as we sat on the bed. “Come on, let me have.”

“Fine, but no complaining mister.”

“Can I pout?” I shook my head. “Can I kiss your nose, or anywhere else, if you start crying?” I shook my head again. “Am I allowed to say anything?” I shook my head again. “Ok, let me hear it.” I took a deep breath before I spoke.

“You no good jerk! How could you do that to me? Why didn’t you want to come back? Especially knowing I was pregnant with Goten! I felt really hurt! I could understand your reasoning, but it still hurt! I needed you! It was extremely hard without you! Not only did I had to go through Gohan having constant nightmares for THREE FULL MONTHS! I had to ask my dad for help! You know how much I hate that! Goten was born a month early, because of all the stress I was under! If it wasn’t for dad AND Bulma helping me, I don’t think I would have been able to feed my babies! It was super hard! For goodness sake, Goku! They have YOUR stomach! And if it wasn’t for Bulma’s help, I don’t even think I would have been able to put the boys through school! GOKU! Since you’re back, your keeping your promise about getting a job! No but’s or and’s about it, mister! And one more thing!” I finally started to cry, and I hugged him. “I missed you so very much!” I then sobbed all the pain I had held back. All the tears I tried to not shed. All the hurt I felt for not having my husband by my side. I could feel him rubbing my back, and rocking me. It felt so good to let it all out.

“You sure that’s everything? Don’t hold back on me.”

“It’s hard taking care of a teenager. And it gets very cold at night. And there’s nobody that cuts deer meat into heart sharps. You know how much I love that. And I just really miss all the things you do for me. Plus, just having you here. And I miss everything about you, even your dirty laundry.” We both giggled at that. “I mean it, too. Like I don’t know how, but you always manage to keep the heart tag dry from sweat.” I looked up at him. “How do you do that?”

“Not telling. That’s my own little secret.”

“Well, mister, you have 7 years’ worth of boo boos to kiss. And you got plenty of time to make it up to me.” He then kissed my forehead. “Hey. I said no kissing while I’m angry at you.”

“No, you said no kisses while you’re crying. You���re not crying, so that means I get to kiss you.” I couldn’t help smile at that. “Now, are you sure you let it all out?” I nodded. “Good. Now get your pretty butt over here. Am I allowed to say stuff now?” I thought about that, while we got under the covers, and I snuggled into him.

“Fine. You can say stuff now. But if you let me go for any reason, you can’t speak no more.”

…

Hearing Chichi go on about how much pain I caused her, made me feel so hurt. I can’t believe my little wife had to go through so much, when I was gone. She has every right to be hurt by my actions. And I’m going to try everything to not repeat that mistake. She then started crying into my chest, and I tried my very best to comfort her. When she stopped, I asked her if she sure she’s done. “It’s hard taking care of a teenager. And it gets very cold at night. And there’s nobody that cuts deer meat into heart sharps. You know how much I love that. And I just really miss all the things you do for me. Plus, just having you here. And I miss everything about you, even your dirty laundry.” We both giggled at that. “I mean it, too. Like I don’t know how, but you always manage to keep the heart dry from sweat.” She looked up at me. “How do you do that?”

If I told her that, she might get mad. Then again, maybe not. But I won’t tell her yet. “Not telling. That’s my own little secret.”

“Well, mister, you have 7 years’ worth of boo boos to kiss. And you got plenty of time to make it up to me.” I kissed her forehead. “Hey. I said no kissing while I’m angry at you.”

“No, you said no kisses while you’re crying. You’re not crying, so that means I get to kiss you. Now, are you sure you let it all out?” She nodded. “Good. Now get your pretty butt over here. Am I allowed to say stuff now?” We got under the covers, and she snuggle into me.

“Fine. You can say stuff now. But if you let me go for any reason, you can’t speak no more.” I don’t plan on ever letting you go, ever again. I wrapped her in my arms and legs, and had my face in the comfort of her neck.

“Let’s see. I’m the biggest jerk in the world, for making my perfect little wife go through, what she did.” I kissed her neck. “I’ll gladly get a job, if it makes this pretty lady happy.” I kissed her again. “I’m here now, so I’ll do everything I can to make you happy. Oh and.” I nipped her neck. “There were a few things that got me very mad. Do you want to hear them?” She nodded. “The guys, I trained with in otherworld, kept telling me that there was a chance you moved on. It really upset me. I even punched one or two of them, and threated the rest.” I moved from her neck, and got a nice view of her face. “Have you thought of moving on?”

“NO! NEVER! Bulma tried suggesting it, but Vegeta surprising stood up for me. Saying how once a sayian mates for life, that’s it. No other could take their place. I felt really happy when he said that. Cause there really is no other man for me, other than you. And only you. I would wait forever just for you.” I couldn’t help kiss her.

“And I would do the same for you. The guys also pissed me off when they suggested I look at dirty magazines.” She had a disgust face. “I know, right. One even question what is it about you that I can’t get over. Like they asked if you are one hell of a beauty, to keep me under your spell.” I kissed her again. “You are the most beautiful woman to me. From your looks, to your soul, to the very beautiful heart you have. Everything about you is just perfect. You are my heaven.” I kissed her again, but much deeper. When we parted, I looked deep into her eyes. “And when I was dead, I was in hell without you. I left my heart and soul with you, and now that I’m back, I feel complete.” We ended up kissing one more time, before we fell asleep. This is just bliss.

…

Dad and mom’s ki aren’t doing that weird thing. So, looks like it might be safe to come home tomorrow morning. Goten is complaining though about not being in his bed. “Kiddo calm down. It’s only for tonight. Next time I’ll drag you into the lake.”

“If you do, I’m telling Videl on you.” That’s it! “I’m sorry! My head already hurts.”

“So, just fall asleep. At least I found a comfy spot.” He stick his tongue at me, before turning around. The last thought I had, before I fell asleep, was how awesome today had ended up. Not only is dad back, I even got a girlfriend. Videl is awesome.

…

As I woke up, I felt way too hot. Why do I feel hot? I tried moving, only to feel stuck. So, I tried opening my eyes, and lord and behold, I was staring at a well define shoulder. I first panicked, till I remembered whose shoulder it belong to. So, I really wasn’t dreaming? He’s really back? I just couldn’t help snuggle closer. The best part, I could hear him snoring. I really didn’t want to leave this little piece of heaven. Well, till a certain little boy started knock on the door. I tried to get out of Goku’s hold, but it only became tighter. “Goku, wake up. I have to make breakfast.” He still isn’t morning. “Come on, I’ll even make your favorite.” Still nothing. “Mister, let me go or else.”

“I’ll take or else. I don’t wanna let you go yet.” Awe, he was being so cute. I kissed his shoulder, and he kissed my forehead. The moment I looked up at him, he landed a kiss on my lips. “Good morning, beautiful.” I couldn’t help blush at that.

“Good morning, handsome.” He kissed me again, before letting me go. “Blueberry pancakes?”

“Yes. I’ll be down in a bit. I want a few more minutes.” I couldn’t stop smiling at that.

…

It can’t be. There’s no way. This is definitely proof yesterday wasn’t a dream. “Mom! What’s this stuff in the pancakes?” Yup! It wasn’t a dream!

“BLUEBERRIES!” Goten looked at me weird, as I dig into my stack. “Mm! They’re just as good as I remembered! Mom you’re awesome!” I really hope mom is in the mood to make a lot more. When Goten finally took his first bite, he looked so happy. That’s when we heard a yawn behind us, and we all looked. It was dad! Goten almost knocked him over, with his hug. Dad walked over to the table and placed Goten in his seat, before walking over to mom. He hugged her and gave her a kiss on the forehead. It’s been so long since I’ve seen him do that.

Mom really was in a good mood. Not only did she make extra pancakes, for all of us, she also ate more than her usually. She must really miss blueberry pancakes, as much as me. And looks like Goten found his new favorite. But mom had to ruin the moment, when she mentioned we had to go back to school not week. “But mommy! Please! I don’t want to go back! I wanna stay home, with you and daddy!” Leave it to Goten to say what I also wanted to say.

“Too, bad. You two missed a lot of days, can’t have you missing anymore.” We looked over to dad. Help us. “Oh no you don’t! Not even he could save you from this.” Dad just grin, and tried to ask mom to let us have at least another two weeks. “Mister! Last, I recall, you said you wasn’t going to interfere with Gohan’s studies, that goes for Goten, too. So, zip it.” Damn it all. At least he tried. Even Goten looked disappointed.

The phone started to ring, and mom went to get it. The moment she was out of sight me and Goten looked to dad. “Come on. Help us out here. I can’t go back after what happened! It was already stressful! Now everyone is gonna know I’m an overpowered freak! Come on dad!” Even Goten was latched onto dad’s leg.

“But you know how your mother gets.” Oh, he’s not talking his way out of this one.

“Come on! You just have to do something! Anything!” He look towards where mom disappeared, then back at us. Please tell that’s a good sign! He smiled and shook his head. Yes! I pulled Goten away, and watched dad head towards mom’s direction. Next thing we heard was a slam. When me and Goten went to get see what made that noise, we saw dad on the ground, under mom’s foot, while she was still on the phone. Looks like it’s still a no.

“Bye Bulma.” Mom then turned to use. I was just about to retreat, when called my name. “Did you really try to get your father to change my mind?” I said sorry, but then I saw mom smile. “I guess one more week wouldn’t hurt. Oh, and Bulma and company is coming over. So, if you like, invite Videl.” Now I felt my face burn, and dad and Goten were laughing at me. Jerks! And if on que, the doorbell rang. Mom was going to get it, till dad grabbed her leg. “Goku let go.”

“No, let Gohan answer it.” Mom looked over to me, and I swear my face was on fire. She was even smiling. The door rang again. “Son, don’t you have something to do?” He’s setting me up. Damn it!

[qitwrites]

growing pains 

Fandom: Boku no hero academia 

There’s an absolutely atrocious, disgustingly gooey feeling curling around Bakugou’s chest.

He wonders if Recovery girl has any medicine for feels.

OR

5 times the Bakusquad tells Bakugou they love him + the one time he says it back

(AO3)

Ashido is many things. Book smart isn’t one of them.

No really, she’s got so much going for her with her dancing, her strength, her versatile quirk, her perky attitude and even her distinctive appearance, but she’s not one for the books. She doesn’t like them, and they clearly don’t like her back.

Her grades thoroughly reflect this hate-hate relationship.

Ashido tries though, she really does- even if it’s just cramming a few days before the exams, she tries to study. Yao-momo had even gone out of her way to help, but it just doesn’t do the trick. She knows she needs to get her act together and figure this out because she can’t be a hero with a failing grade, and the anxiety and fear starts taking its toll, leaving her restless and upset.

So, when Bakugou sees the pink-haired, pink-skinned pain-in-the ass sulking in the common room, he’s horrified by the words that leave his mouth-

‘Want my help?’

Ashido doesn’t even glance at him at first, choosing to stare at the wall forlornly. She slowly looks up to catch his eye, looks around, realizes that they’re all alone, snaps her eyes back to his and her jaw drops.

‘Me?’ She points a finger at herself. ‘You’ll tutor me?’

‘What did I just say dumbass?’

‘I just- BAKUBRO, THANK YOU!’

‘Shut the fuck up and get your shit. We’ve got our work cut out for us. And raccoon eyes?’

Ashido turns to look at him, eyes bright and shiny.

‘Tell anyone about this and I’ll kick your ass.’

Ashido beams. ‘It’ll be our little secret!’

To her credit, he sees her try. She’s distracted and constantly jumping up and down, too jittery to be in one place, but she also pushes herself to focus, to really absorb the material. Bakugou’s rough with her, the way he is with Kirishima, but he’s generous with the praise too, or as generous as he’s capable of being. It makes him feel all kinds of gross, disgustingly soft and gooey things when Ashido’s eyes go warm with pride when he pays her the smallest compliment.

They work hard for the two weeks leading up to the exams. Kirishima joins them for every session in addition to the stuff he does with Bakugou separately, and between the three of them, they manage to cover most of the syllabus quite thoroughly.

The day before the exam, Bakugou sees the nerves rolling off Ashido.

‘Oye!’

She flinches and turns to look at him, throwing him a sheepish smile. ‘Yes, Blasty?’

He bristles at the nickname but recognizes that there’s no malice, no intention to mock, nothing really- just a nickname meant for a friend. She isn’t provoking him- she’s just nervous and falling back on old, comfortable habits.

He grunts, ‘You nervous?’

Ashido chuckles. ‘Course I am! Don’t wanna let you down, you know?’

Bakugou smacks her lightly on the head with a roll of practice sheets.

‘Who do you think tutored you? Don’t underestimate our sessions. Get in there and fucking obliterate those stupid tests.’

Ashido’s smile grows more confident, and she gives him a huge thumbs up, bumps hips with Kirishima and jogs over to her seat. The bell rings, and the exams begin.

The tests are not bad. Bakugou notes that a good majority of the papers contain material that he’s covered with the two properly, and works his way through the problems, the equations, the literature, all of it. In the very back of his mind, in a place he barely refuses to acknowledge, he hopes that they’re doing ok.

A week after their final exams, Bakugou is walking back from the training centre when he sees a ball of pink approaching him at an alarming speed.

‘BAKUBRO!’ Mina hollers, arms raised over her head as she outright sprints at him.

Bakugou furrows his brow, chest expanding as he gets ready to yell at her when she interrupts him-

‘I passed EVERYTHING!’ Her smile is humungous, wide and warm and genuine to its core. ‘AND I ACTUALLY DID WELL!’

Bakugou doesn’t even realize he’s smiling back, that feral, triumphant grin he has when he beats someone during training or takes down a villain. He’s proud of himself, and he realizes, with a surprising amount of acceptance, that he’s proud of her too. Really damn proud.

He’s a bit slow to realize that she hasn’t stopped barreling towards him though.

‘RACCOON EYES, DON’T YOU DA-‘

Ashido collides right into him, sending them both tumbling to the ground. Bakugou curses the entire way, but Ashido out-laughs him, her body shaking with joy.

‘Thank you!’ She beams down at him, pulling him into a warm hug. ‘You have no idea what this means to me.’

Bakugou wants to push her off, wants to stand up, spew out some curses and stomp away, back to his room.

But he’s also proud. He’s also happy for her. He’s also glad she did ok. That she worked hard and was determined to make him proud and that she isn’t going to get held back or expelled or something.

So, he blames it on the summer heat when he not only doesn’t push her off but rests a hand on her shoulder, gives her a quick pat, counts to 10 and THEN shoves her away.

Ashido pulls off easily enough, still laughing. She bounces back to her feet, dusts off her track pants and offers him her hand. The blonde looks at it, huffs, and takes it with an exaggerated roll of his eyes.

Ashido yanks him to his feet with a strong, firm grip and her eyes go soft and warm and radiant.

‘Thanks again, Bakugou.’

‘Tch, whatever. Fuck off.’

Ashido giggles. Her phone suddenly starts ringing and she pulls it out of her pant pocket.

‘Oh, it’s my parents, I gotta take this!’ She starts walking back to the dorms. ‘Let’s go out this weekend, get some food at the mall. My treat!’

‘I don’t want to fucking do-‘

‘Bye babe. Love you!’ And with that, she’s gone, her laugh echoing around the courtyard.

There’s an absolutely atrocious, disgustingly gooey feeling curling around Bakugou’s chest.

He wonders if Recovery girl has any medicine for feels.

---

Bakugou knows for a fact that Sero is 90% memes and 10% tape.

He has no scientific evidence to back up this claim of course, but he’s definitely right.  

The thing about Sero is that the longer you spend time around him, the more you can appreciate his stupid sense of humour, his great taste in mangas, and his ability to make the people around him smile.

Bakugou hates him completely, or so he tells himself. There’s no scientific evidence to prove on the contrary either, thank god.

So, with his shitty sense of humour and his easy-going nature, it’s natural to find Sero with a smile on his face. Not the kind of sunshine happiness that Kirishima has, but more of a mellow, easy joy. His body language exudes a relaxed vibe, immediately making the people around him lower their guard, and he shares a love for healthy food with Bakugou, earning him the blonde’s begrudging respect.

Bakugou finds the tape hero sitting at the kitchen island on a Tuesday night. It’s past Bakguou’s bedtime, but he’s hungry enough to warrant a midnight snack, though he’s not expecting any company. Turns out, neither is Sero.

‘Oh, hey.’

Immediately, Bakugou’s shackles are up. Because Sero isn’t smiling. He isn’t teasing him, there’s no humorous lilt in his voice, no mischievous glint in his eyes, nothing. He’s hollow almost, his skin pale and his eyes sunken in. Even his breathing seems off, too fast and too shallow all at once.

‘What are you doing up?’ Bakugou asks, quirking a brow.

‘Could ask you the same.’

Sero is barely looking at him. He has his phone in a vice-grip, and he looks like he’s going to throw up.

‘What the fuck is wrong with you?’

Sero jolts at that, eyes darting all across the room, and he can’t seem to look at Bakugou. Can’t seem to sit still or calm down. Bakugou can taste his anxiety, and it’s making the hairs on the back of his neck rise. He feels protectiveness - strong and vicious and ridiculously overpowering - all the way in his toes.

‘Nothing, ha, I’m fine.’

‘Tapeface, I’m not fucking blind. If you don’t want to fucking talk about it, fine. Just don’t lie to my face.’

Sero finally looks at him, and he looks lost and scared and helpless. Bakugou’s never seen him like this, and the protectiveness surges.

‘I- I didn’t expect anyone to be awake. I’m not sure, you know, how to talk about it. I don’t even know what to do.’

Bakugou grunts to show him he’s listening before turning around and slowly pulling things out of the fridge. He remembers Sero’s love for fruits and soy and all things healthy and decides to make some Mapo Tofu. Not because Sero will like it or anything, the blonde just really likes Mapo Tofu, ok?

Bakugou begins the task of pulling pots and pans out of the cabinets and gets to prepping the ingredients. He keeps himself busy and fills the space with the comforting sounds and smells of food because he is an expert at being unable to talk about his feelings. To articulate his thoughts sans anger and rage and panic. And he finds that it's easier, even if only a little, to talk when the focus isn’t just on you. When there’s stuff going on, when there are other focal points. It’s less scary.

‘My mom is getting surgery.’

Bakugou pauses in his movements. He stays still long enough to indicate to Sero that he’s listening but goes back to work so the focus is still on the food, so Sero will continue to speak. His voice is uncharacteristically soft and so pained, and something in Bakugou churns horribly. He works more softly, so he can hear everything.

‘She’s had medical issues all my life, so it’s nothing unexpected. She gets surgery pretty often, but it’s never any less scary.’

Bakugou can’t even imagine what that’s like, to have a parent regularly undergo medical treatment and surgical procedures.

‘It’s the first one since I got to the dorms. I’ve never been this far away, and I can’t-‘ Sero’s voice chokes. He breathes deeply and continues ‘-I can’t calm down. I begged them to let me come home but they refused, said I need to see this UA thing through, do my own thing, all that.’

Bakugou continues to cook. The kitchen smells warm and spicy, and the sound of sizzling spices saturates the space between them, and he thinks he can sense Sero calm down a little.

‘I get it. I do. They're right and logically, I can accept that. I just. Fuck, this is horrible.’

Bakugou doesn’t offer any words of comfort or advice because what does he know? He has no idea what Sero is going through, and anything he says might sound insincere or plain insensitive. So instead, he cooks. He cooks the meat, mixes in the spices, and tastes the broth. He works fast and efficient, his movements practised. When it’s done, he plates up two bowls, and sets one in front of Sero, taking the seat next to him. Sero’s at the head of the table, so Bakugou ends up on his right.

Sero stares at the bowl and then looks up at Bakugou.

‘Mom makes me Mapo Tofu when I’m upset,’ he grumbles by way of an explanation. The blonde proceeds to douse his serving in extra chilli oil and peppercorns because he made the overall dish at a much more tolerable spice level. NOT for Sero or anything, just because. You know. For the fuck of it.

Sero stares at the bowl of food silently before picking up the spoon.

‘I haven’t told the rest because I couldn’t find a way to talk about it.’

Before Bakugou can figure out a way to respond to that, Sero continues, ‘I’m glad you know, is not so bad to have someone to talk to. Or at, I guess.’

Sero digs in, and after the first bite, his eyes light up.

‘Holy fuck,’ he breathes, ‘this is so good.’

Bakugou smirks, digging into his own bowl and humming in agreement. It’s probably the best Tofu he’s made so far.

‘Shit man,’ Sero says in between big bites, ‘I freaking love this. And you. But mostly this. But also, you. Like 65-35? Maybe 60-40.’

The blonde snorts and Sero’s grin gets wider. They eat in relative silence, with the occasional comment from Sero and the sounds of them kicking each other playfully under the table. When they’re done, Bakugou rinses the bowls in the sink and joins Sero on the couch in front of the TV. It’s gotten ridiculously late, but he doesn’t want to leave him alone.

Sero rubs the back of his neck. ‘I uh, I don’t want to go to my room right now.’

Bakugou leans over the couch, grabs two throw blankets from a bin nearby and flings the yellow one at Sero.

‘Play that cool documentary on speedcubing,’ he barks out, tucking himself under his own red blanket. Sero gives him a wide-eyed look before navigating to the right piece on Netflix. He gets comfortable under the throw, and they fall asleep to the sound of people solving Rubix cubes at inhumane speeds.

Shoji finds them like that in the morning and gently shakes them awake. Sero’s phone has a message from his parents, telling him everything’s alright, and that’s the only reason Bakugou forgives him for gathering the blonde in a big, warm hug before the sun is even up.

He crawls into his own bed 5 minutes later, and his heart feels lighter than ever.

Maybe an antacid will help with all of these stupid, horrid feels.

---

Bakugou doesn’t like people.

As a general rule of thumb, he dislikes them almost instantly. People are loud. They’re invasive, annoying, clingy, and they never smell good.

People are also cruel and selfish and use you as they please.

Bakugou doesn’t like people; until he comes to UA.

Because the people in UA are loud, invasive, annoying, clingy, and never smell great either.

But they’re kind. They’re smart, driven, capable, funny. They work hard, they play hard, and they’re mostly selfless. They don’t flock to him simply because he’s got a great quirk or something. Truth be told, they’re all pretty formidable themselves. Grossly underdeveloped and years away from being at his level, but Bakugou knows that with time, all of his classmates will reach insane heights. They wouldn’t be in UA otherwise.

So Bakugou tries. Mostly because his stupid squad won’t leave him alone, but he tries.

When people hang out in the common rooms, he’s downstairs with them. If there’s a stupid Christmas party, or it's someone’s birthday, or the class wants to go out shopping or to play in the pool, Bakugou tags along with them more often than not.

There is a compromise though. With a social battery as small and easily drained as his, it isn’t uncommon for the class to find Bakugou chilling in a corner with his headphones in, simply taking in the vibe rather than actively participating. There’s no bad blood over this though- they kinda get it. Not everyone is as friendly or as vibrant as Kirishima or Kaminari. They’re honestly just glad he’s there at all, so they do their best to make sure he’s included while letting him set his own pace.

Bakugou’s in one of his recharging phases when he spots Jirou.

The earphone jack hero is wandering around, looking a little worse for wear. There are people from both 1A and 1B milling around, talking and laughing in the common areas, and the energy in the room is almost stifling. The blonde doesn’t miss the way Jirou covers her ears at one point.

From what he can tell, Jirou is an ambivert. She enjoys the company of others often, but she’s also perfectly fine being on her own, with a book and some music to keep her company. Right now, she seems exhausted, her own social battery running dangerously low.

Bakugou catches her eye. She gives him a small wave and he sticks his tongue out at her, pulling the skin under his eye down on one side. It’s petty and dumb, but he sees her huff a laugh and slowly meander towards him. Bakugou goes back to closing his eyes and tipping his head back, enjoying the familiar texture of the common room couch and the sound of the music in his ears drowning out everything else.

He feels the couch dip next to him, close but not too close. Jirou doesn’t touch him, doesn’t bother him, doesn’t shake or poke or otherwise engage him. She just sits there, stock-still.

When his eyes slip open again, Bakugou sees that she’s got her hands in her lap and she’s mimicking his posture, comfortably seated on the couch with her head tipped back. Her signature headphones are nowhere in sight though, and her eyes are open and red.

Distantly, Bakugou wonders if she’s forgotten them. That would suck ass- he’d be lost without his own pair. And Jirou’s relationship with music is on a level no one else can fathom- it’s literally part of her DNA, her quirk, her identity.

Bakugou isn’t sure what compels him to do it- maybe it’s because they both like bugging the hell out of Kaminari. Maybe it’s because Jirou is no-nonsense when it comes to hero work, which he can respect. Maybe it’s because, beneath all the teasing and smart-ass comments, Jirou has often looked out for him, advocating for the need for personal space when the idiot brigade drains him.

Whatever the reason, Bakugou finds himself pulling out his right earbud and holding it out for her, a silent invitation.

It takes maybe 4 seconds for him to feel the bud lifted gently from his fingers. Jirou is careful to not jar his own earbud when she adjusts his in her right ear, and Bakugou moves to raise the volume a little.

It is a bit annoying, yes, to have one ear open to the noise around them, but it’s not unbearable- far from it. He’s got some reggae on right now, a genre he indulges in when he needs to calm down and just relax his body.

When he turns to look at her, Jirou’s got a smile on her lips. Her feet are tapping to the beat effortlessly, and her fingers are mapping out the tune on an invisible fretboard. She opens her eyes and looks over at Bakugou, and her smile widens, crinkling the edges of her eyes.

Thank you, she mouths, flashing him another blinding smile. It makes Bakugou huff.

‘Whatever,’ he murmurs under his breath. The look in her eyes could not be mistaken for anything else- unadulterated gratitude and a heavy dose of love.

These gooey feelings are going to give him an upset stomach, Bakugou’s calling it right now.

---

Bakugou doesn’t even notice the pattern till Kirishima points it out to him.

It goes a little something like this- Bakugou feels off during training, or maybe doesn’t do as well as he’d expected on a test or project, or something just doesn’t go right. So naturally, he’s in a piss poor mood.

The squad’s antics don’t do much for him then, doesn’t really raise his spirits or anything, and he usually goes back to his room, slamming his door shut and pacing around like a caged tiger.

And that’s when his phone rings. The caller ID reads Pikachu.

‘What the fuck do you want?’

‘Bakubrooooooooo,’ Kaminari croons, and Bakugou wants to break something.

‘Fuck of-‘

‘You ever wonder if cereal is soup?’

All the fight drains out of Bakugou, leaving only confusion in its place. ‘What?’

‘Yeah, I mean, is cereal like a sub-category of soup or something? Wouldn’t that make sense?’

‘Dunce-face, what the fuck? That doesn’t even make sense? You don’t cook cereal?’

‘Yes, but you could eat it with a soup spoon. That should count for something.’

‘I hate you. So much.’

‘Aww, love you too bro. Ok, gotta go, byee~’

Bakugou stares at his phone, shocked and confused and annoyed.

But no longer angry. No longer pacing about, no longer in a foul mood.

Another time, after a particularly bad bout of training, ending with aching forearms and snarls of frustration because he needs to get better but it’s not happening fast enough, Bakugou wants nothing more than to scream into a pillow and maybe eat some hot sauce.

Again, he gets a call from Kaminari.

‘Wha-‘

‘Do you ever just think about pizza and cry?’

‘Huh?’

‘Yeah, I mean, I think humanity reached its peak when it invented pizza, you know? And that makes me cry. Such perfection.’ He can picture Kaminari making a chef’s kiss gesture, and it pisses him off.

‘This is why you called me? Are you fucking with me?’

‘It’s really an honest question Bakubro. Don’t you ever tremble at the sheer magnificence of pizza?’

‘Delete my number.’

‘No can do. Gotta go, love you, bye!’

And again, he’s gone, just as quickly as he arrived. And again, Bakugou is left feeling baffled and miffed but no longer angry, no longer itching to scream and claw and break something.

He still eats some hot sauce though.

Kirishima is with him after one of his bad days, sitting on his bed and trying to pacify him.

‘It’s ok, it-‘

‘Shut up, Shitty hair! Fuck-‘ His hands tremble with the need to just do something, vent somehow, to break the tension in his spine. He doesn’t want to snap at Kirishima, which is why he never lets him tag along when he stomps away to his room after a bad day, but the redhead can be ridiculously caring sometimes and Bakugou doesn’t want to hurt him.

He doesn’t know what else to do though.

‘Shit, I- you need to leave, get out before I-‘

His phone rings. Pikachu, it says.

‘Dunce-‘

‘I’ve decided that, in the event of an apocalypse, you and I are teaming up together.’

‘Wha-‘

‘I know you’d much rather team up with Kirishima, cause he’s so strong and handsome and he’s your best friend, but he’ll be fine. I, on the other hand, will die immediately. So, it’s just you and me Blasty.’

‘Fuck right off, why would I-‘

‘We could name ourselves the atomic blondes.’ Kaminari suddenly makes a whooping noise. ‘Damn, that’s perfect Bakugou! I gotta print tee shirts right now, we’d look amazing.’

‘I am not wearing anything that matches you, miss me with that shit.’

‘I promise it’ll be black, and like, soft, with skull patterns or something.’

‘Fuck off.’

‘I gotta go anyway, but you’re stuck with me Bakubro. Anyway, bye, love you!’

They end the call, or rather, Kaminari cuts it before Bakugou can get an insult or two in there, and when he looks back at Kirishima, he sees a big, goofy smile on his face.

‘What?’ he grumbles, tossing his phone on his bed.

‘He does that often?’

‘What, call me and say really random, really stupid shit? Yeah, all the damn time. I need to block his ass.’

‘Kinda sweet though, huh?’

Bakugou cocks his head. ‘What’re you talking about? It’s a fucking pain.’

‘Yeah, but you don’t seem as mad anymore.’

‘I-‘ And yet again, Bakugou is disgruntled and confused and irritated at himself, for getting swept up by Kaminari’s pace, but he’s not angry. All the fight has mostly bled out of his limbs, and he feels more or less normal if only a little on edge. Nothing too difficult to deal with.

‘Son of a bitch,’ Bakugou breathes. Kirishima’s smile is a tad wider, and he scoots over on the bed, making some space for Bakugou while he pulls out his laptop, ready to load up some shitty videos.

‘Tell him about this and I will never speak to you again,’ Bakugou grumbles finally, settling in next to Kirishima, leaning most of his weight into the redhead.

He feels Kirishima’s chest rumble with laughter.

‘Your secret’s safe with me.’

Bakugou wonders if anyone’s ever tried to harness the power of feels to run turbines or some shit, because this stuff’s turning out to be overwhelmingly powerful.

---

In terms of quirk compatibility, Bakugou has found his perfect match in Kirishima.

The blonde’s quirk is perfect for offence. Granted, it’s exceptionally versatile and he can handle his own just fine, but with Kirishima, he feels invincible.

Red Riot is unmoving, unabashed, and utterly unbreakable. He knows Bakugou inside out, knows his moves, his tactics, his signals. They fight like a well-oiled machine, adjusting and improvising with ease. Fighting alongside Kirishima, alongside Red Riot, is like breathing. They almost dance around each other, and between taking down villains and conducting search and rescue, they’ve made themselves a formidable hero pair even before graduation.

So, it’s not uncommon for them to be paired up even when they’re working and interning under different heroes. They’re that good.

They’re on a mission together when things take a turn for the absolute worst.

Most of the pros are down, caught in the crossfire or too busy protecting the civilians to engage in combat. There are fires blazing everywhere, smoke congesting the air around them so much that Bakugou can barely breathe.

Riot stands next to him, breathing slightly laboured but otherwise unhurt. Bakugou has a cut on his forehead, blood running down his face, but he feels ok. Good enough to rush into battle and do his part in subduing these shitty villains.

But experience has taught him better than to run in with no plan, even when he’s bouncing on the balls of his feet, eager to rush into the action. Experience has taught him that without a moment to catch his breath and restructure the plan to achieve their goals, he’ll be doing a lot more harm than good. It’s frustrating as all hell, but he’s a hero in training. You learn this stuff on the job.

‘What do you think?’ He asks the redhead.

Kirishima straightens out his back, hands on his hips. ‘The elemental quirk user will probably be the biggest pain in the ass.’

Bakugou nods. ‘It seemed like a water quirk. We need to get her away from the buildings, away from the piping. There was also that shitty smoke user, he’s the reason the air is barely breathable.’

‘Yao-momo’s masks would’ve come so in handy right now,’ Kirishima muses with a smile.

Bakugou grunts in begrudging agreement but doesn’t comment further on it. ‘There should be three other villains, all with high-level quirks. I’m not sure which other pros will free up to help, but we have to isolate them, move them towards the construction site,’ Bakugou points somewhat East of their current location, ‘as per the plan.’

Kirishima nods in agreement and catches Bakugou’s eyes and the blonde’s breath hitches.

They don’t talk about it, but here’s the other thing- they’re probably going to get hurt, maybe even fatally. Not because they’re weak or they want to or anything, but the villains seem endless. They’re fucking strong too, and even with an army of heroes, the villains seem to come at them harder and faster the longer this battle goes on. Bakugou can feel his own stamina start to vain, and he knows Kirishima will hit his limit too, slower than the blonde but still. There will come a point when Kirishima’s skin won’t harden and Bakugou’s blasts will lower in intensity till all he can manage are sparks.

And even then, he knows they will fight with their fists and their bodies and their teeth. That’s what heroes do- they put everything on the line, for the people and for justice.

More often than not, they lose their lives for it.

Well, for what’s it worth, Bakugou could not have asked for a better partner by his side in such shitty, dire times. Kirishima’s soft smile seems to reflect his sentiments.

‘Hey, Katsuki?’

The hero code of conduct frowns upon the use of personal names in costume. You have a hero name for a reason, and it helps preserve your sense of anonymity and privacy, even if it’s pretty useless at its job.

For Kirishima to name him, and first name him at that, just goes to show how serious the situation is.

‘Yeah, Ei?’

‘Make me some hotpot when we get back, ok?’

Bakugou inhales deeply, coughs because of the stupid smoke, and his fists clench tight enough to leave crescent moons in his palms.

‘Only if I’m in the mood, Shitty Hair,’ Bakugou retorts, his voice far too soft for the King Explosion Murder hero. But that’s ok- here is only Eijirou, Katsuki, and the world burning around them. Soft is ok here.

Kirishima’s familiar belly-deep laughter gives him a boost of energy.

‘Let’s kick some ass.’

Bakugou feels, for one glorious moment, like he can take on the entire world.

They take their first few steps before Kirishima steps in front of him, blocking off his path. When he looks up to catch his eyes again, the blonde’s protests and insults die in his throat.

Kirishima’s gaze is trained on him as he slowly reaches forward and grabs Bakugou’s right forearm with his right hand, fingers digging into the muscle. It’s a firm, solid grip, reassuring and warm and so very familiar. His eyes are bright, bold, and wine-red. And they’re so full of love, brimming with the kind of affection, respect, and adoration that Bakugou never thought he’d be subjected to. Kirishima opens his mouth as if to say everything his body is already telling Bakugou.

‘I know,’ Bakugou interrupts, voice hoarse. Because he does know. The redhead is his best friend in the entire world, his person, his rock. ‘I know, Ei.’ His own fingers wrap around Kirishima’s wide forearm, gripping tight with calloused, too hot fingers.

Kirishima flashes him another soft smile past his headgear before letting go. He waits for Bakugou to catch up and they walk together, side by side, equals.

When they see the first villain, doing her best to uproot an entire building, Bakugou casts one last look at Kirishima, sees his positively feral smile, and charges with the force of a wild beast.

There are no feels there, just adrenaline, rage, and trust so thick, even concrete would crack under its weight.

---

When you’re training to be a hero, things can go wrong.

Accidents happen. People don’t move out of the way fast enough, or there’s a domino effect of some sort, or the aftershocks of one attack reaches a place it shouldn’t.

Bakugou’s switched up his training partner, choosing to train with Iida to fine-tune his aim and work with a fast-moving target. His blasts hit the mark sometimes, but not always. The gym is huge, so they aren’t really risking anyone with their training; at least, that’s how it is for a while.

But then, Bakugou takes aim and blasts at Iida, Iida dodges swiftly, the attack takes out a portion of the rock formations in the gym, and suddenly there’s a landslide headed right at Hagakure and Kaminari.

Bakugou doesn’t even think about it; his body moves before his brain catches up, and he’s suddenly in front of the two, arms raised to obliterate the debris when he realizes that a portion of the mountain had been laced with explosives for someone else’s training, and his quirk would make things exponentially worse. With the last few moments he has, Bakugou shoves Chargebolt and Invisible Girl away roughly and gets buried under the avalanche of debris.

The last thing he thinks he hears is a chorus of voices yelling Bakugou before his vision goes black.

---

And that’s what Bakugou remembers when he wakes up to white. White walls, white curtains, white sheets.

Unfortunately, the noise isn’t white. It’s annoyingly and stupidly loud.

‘There are too many of you here,’ Recovery girl says, sounding exasperated. ‘He will be fine, he just needs to regain his strength.’

‘Sensei, a whole section of a mountain fell on him, how can he just be fine?’ Jirou questions, sounding severely distressed.

‘Plus, this happened while he was saving me,’ Kaminari chips in. ‘I’m not leaving him.’

‘I have a secret healing quirk of my own,’ Ashido bullshits. ‘He’ll feel so much better when he hears my voice. I have to stay, it’ll be a crime for me to go.’

‘I can tape his wounds?’ Sero offers sheepishly.

He can hear Recovery Girl’s sigh from the other end of the room. ‘And you?’

‘He’s my person.’ Kirishima says it like it’s enough of an explanation.

Recovery Girl clicks her tongue. ‘Overdramatic, the lot of you. Play rock paper scissors or something, but I’m only allowing one of you to stay. The rest of you are going back to the dorms.’

The room bursts into noise again and Bakugou’s head feels like it’s splitting open.  

‘HOLY FUCK, SHUT UP!’ The blonde roars from his bed. ‘I LOVE YOU GUYS, BUT IF YOU DON’T STOP YELLING, I WILL BODILY THROW YOU ALL OUT THE DAMN WINDOW.’

His own yelling does more harm than good to his throbbing head, but the noises stop completely so at least it did its job.

He’s alone for a blissful second before a crowd of five idiots surroundS his bed. Kirishima’s face peers into his, smile wide and eyes crinkled around the edges.

‘Hi, how you feeling?’

‘Like someone ran me through a garbage disposal and then put me in a microwave.’

‘Such details, much prose,’ Sero quips, earning him a chop from Ashido.

‘Blasty my love, can we do anything?’

‘Yeah, shut the fuck up and let me sleep.’

Jirou squeezes his calf from the foot of the bed. ‘You gave us a real scare there.’

‘I’m fine,’ Bakugou grumbles.

‘He will be,’ Recovery Girl reiterates, pushing them away and standing next to him. ‘I’ll do another bout of healing once you’ve recovered some of your strength. You can go back to the dorms before bed.’ She turns to his classmates. ‘Only one of you.’

They look at one another and everyone but Kirishima starts shuffling away reluctantly.

Kaminari lingers behind before quickly giving Bakugou a gentle hug. ‘Thanks,’ he whispers into his ear before pulling off and following after the others. Bakugou rolls his eyes and curls onto his side, yelping when he puts some weight on his tender side.

‘Easy,’ Kirishima mumbles, easing him onto his back. When Bakugou is finally comfortable, Kirishima drags one of the chairs lined up against the wall next to the bed and plops down, exhaling. Bakugou opens a tired eye to look at him and sees Kirishima with a stupidly smug smile on his face.

‘What?’

‘You love us, huh?’

Bakugou had hoped they hadn’t caught that, even though he’d screamed it loud enough for the entire building to have heard. Apparently, a cliff falling on you doesn’t stop you from blushing.

‘Fuck off, you were hearing things,’ he says anyway, because what is Bakugou if not in full denial about so many things?

Kirishima’s laugh is loving not mocking, and he puts his hand on Bakugou’s elbow.

‘Good to have you back Kats.’ He gives it a gentle squeeze. ‘Get some rest huh? I’ll be here when you wake up.’

Bakugou gives him a weak glare, but he can’t muster enough rage and anger because the absolute worst part is, he meant it. Because apparently being a rage-filled hero in training doesn’t make one impervious to feels.

Bakugou feels so betrayed by his own thoughts and emotions.

But right as he loses consciousness, he finds himself wondering if he minds all that much and he decides he doesn’t, almost not at all. The answer doesn’t really surprise him either.

He falls asleep to a cool breeze brushing over his skin and the sound of Kirishima humming under his breath.

[normal-thoughts-official]

I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOUR BEAUTY AND THE BEAST IDEA. But may I also propose: Magnus cursed from a young age (probably bc of Asmodeus) that anyone who touches him is hurt by a blast of magic he can't control. (This may result in his mother's death). He locks himself away of his own will. Alec teaches then that it's fear that makes him lash out. Featuring: touch starved Magnus.

this idea is GENIUS actually and i love it. tbh me and my friend have a similar idea that we talk to each other about (lol) but it isn't a B&B thing, its more of an adventure AU. anyway, lets go!

so in this universe i guess magnus banished asmodeus like in the original sh verse but asmodeus cursed him with the "everyone you touch will be in indescribable pain" thing. maybe just as revenge, maybe to try and use it as bargaining chip because okay magnus, is it freedom that u want? u want to be able to have ur own friends and ur own life? fine. get me back, and ill leave u alone, and ull be free to have friends again. if not, ull be still isolated just like before. so is it gonna be win-win, or lose-lose?

but magnus doesn't budge because he knows that if he lets asmodeus free things will only get worse not only for him, but for the whole world. he is too dangerous to be out there. so, magnus resigns to his fate

and i guess in this version he wouldnt have a lot of close friends because he had been with asmodeus his whole life before he was cursed, so he was just. alone in his self-imposed isolation with no one to talk to. maybe he enchants the furniture so they gain sentience but they can't really feel pain, so at least he has someone to talk to. god im so fucking sad already

so is the furniture his friends in canon? im not entirely sure how i feel about that but also the idea of ragnor as that clock from the original movie is great. thats my most important thought on the subject ngl

btw its 4 degrees Celsius in here so im typing with gloves on so ull have to excuse my typos i am a mere brazilian and i want death

anyway okay so i guess his friends are like pieces of furniture that he spelled into sentience and they aren't his servants or anything cuz that's gross but they just like, hang out. wow im actually managing to type pretty well all things considered

so at least magnus has people to talk to but he's still touch starved because you know... a clock can't hug you and that'd just be weird. maybe them becoming sentient was an accident? lmao like magnus just wanted to automate some functions like having the clock talk to tell him the time or something and it turned out that they became sentient. possibly his magic is a little fucky because of the curse so that's why that happened? or maybe he just is way more powerful than he realizes and we all know he invented the spells he used to try and automate the things anyway. but if he gets people to talk to, well, he's not complaining

im focusing too much on this. anyway. id also like to note that im making rapha the cook/stove thing because i mean, come on. it's right there

and ok i guess alec comes into this because he uhhhhhh no u know i might go with that izzy thing. so izzy ran away from home because of maryse's bullshit and alec was sent to bring her back. so he was going after her but in the middle of the path there was the whole wolf attack thing that scared off his horse and LUCKILY magnus' house/tower/whatever was right next!!! so of course they take alec and his horse in but also WHOOPS there's a huge snowstorm that lasts for days (par the course for where magnus lives, actually. he DID want somewhere people would avoid. but also i think maybe his magic being fucky has something to do with it) so i guess alec is stuck at magnus' for the foreseeable future

which is HELL for magnus because he is terrified out of his mind that they will accidentally touch and alec will be hurt. and like.... his Constant Crave For Touch is already bad on a regular day, but having someone who could actually hug him in theory just makes it worse, you know? he hasn't interacted with other human beings in so long, just having one there is enough to make his need for touch almost unbearable and just... completely constant. it's hell

so magnus is scared, which means that he keeps to himself. so he tells alec not to go into his room, he tries not to eat at the same time, and other stuff like that, bUT his friends keep sabotaging his plans because they want him to have another friend, jesus christ!! (rapha being like "come on now magnus, you don't want my soup to get cold, do you? i'll be deeply offended. i guess you have no choice but to eat with alec". so magnus goes but the first thing he does is magic his regular table into a gigantic rectangular table with 41908410 seats and seat on on the side opposite to alec. alec just sighs

so like he's constantly coming across as rude because he is trying to avoid alec, alec just doesn't know why

but alec is also a stubborn bitch who goes stir crazy and refuses to just sit around isolated doing nothing while they wait for the stupid storm to finally be over so he can go get his sister. and magnus saved his life, so it's the least he can do to repay him in some way. besides, this is what, the first time that he's been completely away from his mom? for such a long time too? and he's finding that he feels... weirdly free and just relieved and he doesn't want to waste that opportunity with standing idly around alone all day. he had enough of that at home, thank you very much

besides yeah magnus is being rude but alec is used to straight up assholes and abusers (jace. i'm talking about jace. also maryse ofc but mostly jace) and magnus is not that. in fact he makes very polite conversation and is actually pretty fun during dinner, all things considered. he's just.... super private, i guess

AND magnus' friends are all being a nightmare with the making them interact so you know. they end up interacting. and alec makes it a point to help him take care of his house because it is a certified Depression Lair™. magnus can take care of it magically but it's like... so dark and almost suffocating at times and there is stuff like bad painting and piping problems that he never bothered to fix because it isn't affecting the functionality too much but it DOES makes life harder and alec "everything must be at 100% always" lightwood is not here for it so for a few days they are working on fixing the house and... magnus actually feels a lot better when the place has actual sunlight and looks inviting and like a home, he has to admit. when he says that to alec it might be the first time he's given him a real smile and man, is alec smitten

sidenote i guess this means that magnus doesn't exactly... dress well in this au lmaoo i mean it makes sense too because canonically magnus uses dressing up as a way to convey an image of power and untouchability and he doesn't really need that in this AU since he is completely isolated. so i guess he is a bit more like twi magnus - bare-faced and wearing comfortable clothes and the like. this isn't a twi au i'm just saying that it makes more sense for him to dress like that in that context

anyway. after the whole house fixing thing, they officially become friends. it turns out that alec also knows a bit about what it's like to feel isolated and touch-starved (altho he's always had izzy to help in that department, but still) and also what crappy parents are like. magnus shows alec his little mirror that he's enchanted to be able to show him anything he wants and how he uses it to be able to see all the places in the world he'd like to visit - he loves people, he loves culture, and sometimes it's all he can do to watch what's going on in Mumbai and it makes him feel a little better, so, he does that. he also admits that sometimes he catches on some drama happening and uses the mirror to see the people involved and make sure they are okay. kinda like a soap opera of his own but he has the means to interfere and help because of magic, so he will have someone who's struggling with money suddenly find hidden cash or have an "unknown dead relative" give them a lot of money in their will, or something like that. and if he also watches some of their personal drama that unfolds, well. he is lonely and it's not hurting anyone

but magnus doesn't tell him about the curse, and he still makes sure to keep his distance. it stings a little to alec, but it hurts magnus the most because fuck, maybe he just desperately needs someone who will give him the time of day, but he likes this guy and that only makes it harder to keep his distance. he makes it a point to always be at at least two arms length from alec, which alec thankfully respects and doesn't try to get him to breach, but. shit. it's still so hard to not want to just rest his head on his shoulder or get a hug or even fucking touch pinkies like stupid children and he can't. alec even once jokingly suggests that they have a ball since magnus doesn't know how to dance and magnus is actually excited for a second before he remembers that he can't, it would have to mean that alec touches him, and he can't

someone - maybe ragnor - even suggests that maybe he could try gloves and heavy clothing so alec isn't really touching him but magnus refuses to try because he doesn't want to risk it not working and alec getting hurt, because he'd never forgive himself. besides, getting a taste would only make it hurt more. he can't. he can't

but it's alright because at least he has some human company - he loves his friends, he does, fiercely, but it's different when they kind of have no choice but to be with him and also are enchanted creatures. he doesn't even know if they aren't nice to him just because he enchanted them into life, even tho to be fair if he had a choice ragnor wouldn't be that grouchy - and alec makes him laugh and gets him and helped make his place feel more like home, a little bit. and he can pretend that he feels the warmth from alec's body when they are sitting by the fire and feed these crumbs to his desperate need for touch and company

and then the snowstorm ends and it's time for alec to go

honestly, alec himself is kind of heartbroken, but- he loves his sister, and he can't just leave her alone in god knows where, even if he dreads the thought of coming back home now that he's been away from his family for so long. but magnus doesn't want to keep him, and doesn't want alec to feel pity for him, so he's all but pushing alec out of the door (not literally, of course. he can't do that, it would mean touching him) all "go, go, you never know when another storm might start. go see your sister. take my mirror, you can find her more easy". and alec's all "but it's been the only thing-" and magnus waves him off, of course, all "i can always make myself another one. besides, you'll have something to remember me by. now go"

so.... alec goes

and hooo boy magnus is heartbroken and a mess because even tho he knew how much having someone else there helped he had almost forgotten what it was like to be the only human in the house. he just feels extra lonely and even kind of bad about it because hey, his friends are there - not that they begrudge him for it, of course. it's not like they don't also hope for the chance to get out of the house and do other things, but well. they can't. so they understand him. and they know how awful he's feeling right then, but what can they do?

meanwhile alec finds izzy pretty quickly - she's living with this one insufferable villager named clary that alec absolutely can't stand, but- she's happy. and she doesn't want to come back, which alec expected, but he finds that he can't actually insist for her to come back. how could he, when he himself doesn't want to go?

and izzy insists that he stays with her - there's no reason for him to come back. they can stay in the village, and work, and build a life for themselves. alec is the only thing she's been missing ever since she left, and in here the both of them can actually be happy. and do it together, like they're meant to

and when he first gets into the village is the first time since izzy ran away that he was hugged and fuck, it's hard to say no to her

but also... he misses magnus already

and he doesn't know if he can just stay and leave him behind

and of course izzy is like "who is magnus?" so alec tells her the story, how he was attacked by wolves and rescued by this house that miraculously was in the middle of the single most inhospitable placealec had ever seen in his life. and the kind but wary stranger who always keeps his distance but seems so eager for connection, who made alec feel welcome and laugh and feel like he built a life for himself there

and clary tells him that she's heard of the story, but she never knew it was more than a legend - no one really remembers what happened. some say that magnus made a sacrifice to rid the village of a demon, and it turned him into a beast, forever locked in his castle. some say that he himself is the demon, and it's the tower that's containing him and keeping the village safe. some even say that he died battling the demon, and it's his ghost that keeps watch on the tower

she wants alec to explain which one is true, but it's all alec can say that none of these are right and he knows nothing because magnus never told him. all alec knows is that he doesn't want to leave magnus behind

and clary is like... well, if he's not a demon or a ghost, maybe we could bring him to the village too. he has magic, right? he could bring the tower closer. and maybe the other villagers could, you know, visit him and hang out. and he wouldn't be as lonely, and then alec and izzy could both stay

driven by this failproof plan, they decide to go back to magnus and tell him their great idea

except they are IDIOTS and forget about. you know. the damn wolves

and like holy shit is this pack big or what? like no seriously why are there infinite wolves in that one singular pack in beauty and the beast. like holy shit dude there's more wolves near the beast's house than in the whole yellowstone park

anyway there are Many Wolves and while alec is a good archer, izzy is a fantastic fighter, and clary is Fucking Crazy if you give her something stabby, there's only so many wolves they can take on at the same time

good thing magnus is a pining idiot who did in fact make himself another magic mirror and was watching alec with it. so he knows that the dumbass is in trouble and for the first time in years, he uses the portal (his own invention, and he had never gotten to use it before!) to get to them and fight off the wolves

so magnus saves all their lives, at the cost of getting severely injured and passing the fuck out. izzy, who's the one closest, runs to get to him and help put him on one of their horses... and is immediately hit by a blast of magic that almost makes HER pass tf out too

which is when they finally learn that, oh. that is the curse

izzy is fine, of course - the pain ended as soon as she was away from magnus

but it does pose the problem of How The Fuck Are They Getting Him Back To Safety, because they can't exactly wait for magnus to wake up (it's freezing, for starters) but with this amount of pain it won't be physically possible for them to hoist him up and get him on the horse. shit, will the curse work on the horse?

they bring alec's horse (by far the strongest of them because alec is huge buff mcgee) and try to get him to touch magnus and the spell does NOT work on the horse because in order to be dramatic asmodeus was like "you shall never feel human touch again" when he cast the spell, which accidentally gave a LOOPHOLE for non-human animals. so magnus could have had cats the whole time, which he had always dreamed of, but he didnt want to risk testing. besides, his house would be a poor environment for a cat and [self torture noises]

anyway thats one less problem to deal with, 99 to go, so they use some ropes to hoist magnus on top of the horse and bring him back to the tower (it's closer than the village) so they can tend to his wounds. thankfully, as the assigned Big Brother of a very irresponsible izzy, alec has experience with first aid, altho he never really dealt with anything quite this bad. and magnus' friends help, too, as much as they can. inevitably this means that alec ends up touching him even if by accident sometimes, but he knows what to expect so he Powers Through It because he won't let magnus die, damn. and as horrible as that is alec has experience with powering through pain, so. he's gonna bandage him up god damn it

izzy can't stand to see him dealing with that himself tho, so she helps, and clary ends up helping as well because they figure sharing the pain makes it easier and alec doesn't have to be too hurt. minimal touching accidents for alec! good

*narrator voice* And Then Magnus Wakes Up And Alec Hugs Him

full on launches on top of him and brings him into his arms and Magnus screams like NONONO OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING ALEC NO GET OFF ME YOU'LL BE HURT and his shock and distress at the whole thing sends another whole blast of magic that explodes that whole mf before it can touch alec and alec feels no pain and magnus is like.............. did i just COUNTER the spell? and everyone's like well! it looks like u did!

which earns him ANOTHER hug (oh my god alec stop he's so stressed out by this) (who knew alec was so touchy?) and this time he's paying attention to that gut reaction and because magnus is a Certified Magic Genius he realizes what it is that he's doing to counter the spell and immediately starts working on a way to turn this into unhexxing himself for good

which he DOES after some time idk how long but alec stays with him meanwhile and maybe izzy and clary do too, because magnus needs all the company he can get and besides, izzy has always wanted adventure and clary has never left the village before, so this is interesting to them at least. and magnus gets to meet new ppl which is nice

eventually the Begone Spell spell is performed and it works and turns out that when it does that it also unfucks magnus' magic and perfects his sentience spell turning all of his friends into humans WOW WHOD HAVE THOUGHT. so all of them are free to leave the tower as ppl at the same time and GROUP HUG!! and magnus cries like a baby in the group hug because holy shit hes been needing something like this so bad for so long and he never expected to have that with his friends but here he is :)

and then yeah they all move to the village to live a simple but fulfilling life and Magnus and Alec start living together in a little cottage and become husbands the end <3 this is so long too rip me

[nblesbianbenhanscom]

Kasprough&51 and/or bichie&76 for the Drabble asks?🥺

I need you to pretend we are dating…

***

Sitting in the library, Bill frowns at his work. He’s in the middle of editing a story, and something feels off although he’s not sure what or why.

He jumps when Richie slams his book bag down next to him on the table. Other people turn to glare but no one says anything, just returns to their work. Finals are upon them and they don’t have time to fuck around.

“I am so over this week,” Richie mumbles.

“Same.” Bill rubs his eyes and leans back. “You got a lot of work to do?”

Richie shrugs. “Just some math, and I’ve got the outline for Heller’s essay done, but I still need to write it.”

“Dude! That’s due in like three days!”

Richie shrugs him off. “It’s fine.”

Bill just sighs and closes his computer. “I give up for today. You wanna get some dinner?”

“Nah, I gotta work on some math. But maybe later we can get a pizza and watch something?”

“Sure, just text me.” Bill packs up his stuff and waves as he leaves the library carrying some smaller books that don’t fit in his bag. Well, they might have, but he didn’t feel like Tetrising them in.

He’s almost to his dorm when his mom calls. He struggles with his books as he answers his phone.

“Hey, mom. What’s up?” Bill asks as he struggles to open the door. Someone coming out holds it open for him and he smiles in thanks.

“Hey, honey, I was just calling to see if you wanted anything special for your welcome home meal.”

Bill’s stomach drops a little. He’s been trying to pretend like he isn’t coming home, that the semester would just go on and on, but he knows this is stupid.

“Uh…” He sighs. “Just some of your homemade bread, maybe?”

“Can do, babydoll.” She pauses. “Also, your dad and I were wondering if your boyfriend would possibly be coming with you so we could meet him.”

Everything seems to slow down around him and he finds himself standing frozen in front of the elevator. Bill has no idea what she’s talking about. He does not have a boyfriend or even anything close to a boyfriend. He doesn’t know where she’s getting this information from, and he has no idea what to say or do. His mouth is totally dry.

“Boyfriend?” He finally manages.

“Yeah, boyfriend. Something— Something with an ‘R.’ Ralph? Rich? Something like that.”

Closing his eyes, Bill shakes his head a little. “Mom, Richie’s—”

“You’ve just been so distant lately, your dad and I just... We just hoped that maybe you’d share a little of yourself with us. If you wanted. No pressure though, baby. If this is— If this makes either of you uncomfortable, then don’t even worry about it.”

Bill’s heart breaks a little. “Mom I—” But he can’t quite get himself to tell her he isn’t dating Richie, that he isn’t dating anyone at all.

“I promise your dad and I will be on our best behavior. We just want you to know he’s welcome here.” She sounds so earnest.

Clearing his throat, Bill eventually says, “Maybe.” Pause. “Probably. I’ll talk to Richie.” He looks up at the ceiling wondering if Richie would agree to this or not.

A few minutes later, Bill hangs up and shakes his head. He heads up to his room and flop onto his bed not even bothering to close his door. Nothing seems to matter anymore.

His parents had gone through so much already, he didn’t want to disappoint them. They deserved better. They deserved to have at least one son in their lives.

Several hours go by, the sun sets, and still Bill lays there on his back staring up at the ceiling. This is how Richie finds him, just laying there in the dark. Bill groans when Richie turns on the light.

“You ok, Big Bill? Someone die?” Richie laughs at his stupid joke as he closes the door and looks down at Bill.

Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, Bill sits up and looks at his best friend. When he doesn’t smile, Richie’s face falls and he rushes to the side of his friend’s bed.

“Hey, what happened?” Richie asks. His bag slides to the floor and Bill lets out a shaky near hysterical laugh.

“So, uh… Funny story.” Bill clears his throat. “I uh— I need you to pretend like we are dating.”

Richie blinks at him for a moment and then lets out a loud laugh. Bill flinches and Richie pulls him close in a one armed hug.

“Very funny, Billy Boy, very funny!” He keeps laughing for several moments, but stops when Bill doesn’t smile. “What the fuck, Bill? Why?”

Closing his eyes and leaning forward, Bill scratches the back of his head. “Because my mom wants you to come visit and she thinks you’re my boyfriend, and I may have already said yes.”

“Bill, what the fuck?!” Richie just stares at his friend trying to figure out what to say. “Why? Why does she think—” Richie yells.

“Because I came home with you during Thanksgiving and the winter holidays!” Bill yells back.

“There is no reason to yell at me!”

“You started yelling first!”

“I’m not yelling, I’m just talking loudly,” Richie snaps back, quieter but not much.

“Richie, I’m sorry,” Bill whispers after a while. “I just— I— I don’t want to hurt them. I don’t want them to know I just didn’t want to come home for the holidays because it hurts too much.” Bill looks back at the rug. It has only been a few years since Bill’s kid brother, Georgie, died. Tears slip down his cheeks when words fail him.

Richie doesn’t say anything for a long time. Eventually he sighs and leans into Bill.

“Ok. I’ll do it.”

Bill sits up, mouth agape. “What? Really?” He swallows hard. “Are you— Are you serious?”

“Yeah, yeah, shut up before I change my mind,” Richie grouses, but he just laces their fingers together and squeezes his hand.

“Richie, you are the absolute best! You are a fucking life saver! I can’t even— I— Thank you!” Bill squeezes back and wipes the tears out of his eyes with his free hand.

“You know I’d do anything for you, Big Bill. Besides, you’re paying for this little trip, and your parents are pretty chill. I love your mom’s cooking.

Bill tries to snort with laughter, but his nose is already full of snot, so it’s just a gross mess. Shaking his head, Richie laughs and gets up to get Bill a paper towel to blow his nose.

“It’s ok, B. We’ll take care of this. You’ll be ok,” Richie assures him.

Blowing his nose, Bill nods. He takes a deep breath and swallows hard. “Richie, I owe you my life. Whatever you need— Whatever you want— I’ll do it.”

Smiling and sucking in a deep breath, Richie just laughs and rolls his eyes. “Oh, Billy, that’s a dangerous offer.” He laughs again and rubs Bill’s back as he sits down.

“You’re the best, Richie, really. The absolute best.”

“Yup, that’s me. An absolute saint.”

Bill laughs so hard he falls off the bed, and Richie flips him off before stretching out on the bed, also laughing loudly.

“Oh, geeze, Richie!” Bill says eventually, still breathless. “I really needed that. Thank you.” He reaches out and squeezes Richie’s ankle gently.

“I aim to please,” Richie says, still chortling a little.

They fall quiet for a moment and then Richie sits up and looks down at his friend.

“Bill, my love, I demand pizza.” They both laugh.

“Ok, Richie dearest.” More laughter. “What kind of pizza do you want?”

And since summer break is still almost a week off, they don’t talk about the fake dating for the rest of the night. They just hang out like Bill hasn’t asked Richie to do this very strange thing, and Bill is really thankful for it. He doesn’t know what he would do if Richie decided to make it weirder than it already was, and the rest of the night is almost enjoyable despite the guilt Bill feels for lying to his parents and bringing his friend into the lie.

It is what it is, he tells himself as they argue over the last slice of pizza. Bill assures himself that this is fine, that everything is fine. Nothing between he and Richie really had to change, right?

[bitchybutcher]

Texts I sent a friend the first time I watched The Boys, Season 2:

-        Gird your loins

-        I’m dying to know more about Black Noir

-        Ugh ffs Homelander smarming about on stage at Translucents funeral

-        It’s an empty box but I suppose how would people know cause invisible corpse

-        WHY IS ANNIE SINGING AT THE INVISIBLE PERVS FUNERAL

-        Aw no straight in with Sad Kevin

-        Oh ok angry drunk Kevin

-        Ugh not these Samaritans Embrace fuckers again

-        Oh Annie. Parroting the company line. I hope she’s gonna fuck them all over

-        SAD HUGHIE OH NO

-        BILLY JOOOOOELLLL

-        Aw Kimiko is learning

-        Her lil smile

-        Oooh Hughie is a liiiiiar

-        Meeting on the subway like a couple shifty teenagers

-        Oh I forgot they microchipped the supes like dogs

-        Oh nooooo young love angst

-        Oh no a Sad Kevin incident

-        Aaaaand he’s been arrested

-        A nice archer bailed him out

-        Omfg the fake Butcher re-enactment

-        Oh do NOT tell me this crazy bastard is gonna drink the frozen breast milk

-        Oh fuck he is

-        What the FUCK, HOMELANDER

-        This visually impaired ninja seems nice

-        That probably means he’s gonna turn out to be a dick

-        OH FUCK

-        Homelander what the fuuuuuck

-        Ok what the shit is happening here in the motel

-        WHAT

-        What the fuuuuuck

-        I – MM is making a dolls house? That’s so cute

-        Oh shit smuggled people

-        Homelander is nuts with power

-        Uhhhh who is Carol and why is she staring at Kevin while he sleeps

-        Finally an archer who is honest about how useless they can be once they run out of arrows

-        Oh noooo are they gonna try brainwash Kevin with homeopathic stuff? And why do they keep offering him Fresca

-        OH FUCK ME NOT ANOTHER RELIGION THING

-        Oh Hughie has grown a pair since last season. Good for him

-        Where’s Butcherrrrrrrr

-        Body gore porn dude is called Gecko that’s too cute a name for him

-        Stormfront seems like fun

-        She’s gonna be pissing off Homelander so much I like her already

-        OH WHAT THE FUCK THE CIA LADYS HEAD EXPLODED

-        I like Stan

-        Giving Homelander the dressing down he needs

-        I know it’s convenient for Toni to wear the padded suit all the time but does Homelander ever wear anything else

-        Oh hiiii Becca I still think you’re a bitch and Butcher deserved better

-        BUTCHERRRRR YASSSSS

-        “Daddy’s home”

-        I’m dead. It’s official.

-        The fuckin smirk and the voice I’m fuckin dead

-        OH NO KEVIN IS TRYING THE CHURCH THING

-        Is he making shroom tea

-        Why is Patton Oswalt voicing Kevin’s gills this is delightful

-        Atrain is awake again that’s not good

-        I’m cracking up at Sad Kevin and his singing gills

-        Homelander is gone way off the deep end oh boy

-        Awwww soft Maeve in the hospital with her girlfriend

-        I want to like Becca but I can’t shake the bad feeling

-        Homelander is a terrible father

-        I mean I know he has no role models to base his parenting on, but yikes

-        It’s like if Scar was raising Simba instead of Mufasa

-        ….are the gang raiding a party city store

-        I love how Frenchie always looks a mix of horrified and amazed whenever Kimiko kills someone

-        AWWW IT’S HER BROTHER YAY

-        Oh shiiiiiiiit

-        Butcher STOP JUST SHOOTING PEOPLE

-        You were right this season is weird

-        I like Kimiko’s brothers bedazzled denim jacket

-        Butcher don’t punch Hughie wtf

-        Starting with Hughie listening to the same song again, nice

-        Butcher is terrible at apologising it’s so cute

-        I’m sorry did Hughie just fall over trying to throw a punch

-        The kid’s a dandelion omg

-        Why are they on a boat? Did Karl just decide “I like being on boats lemme go on a boat”?

-        I see what you mean about Homelander being scary

-        He’s completely insane

-        Why does this storyboard guys shirt say assbinder

-        Chace Crawford is an excessively veiny man

-        BLACK NOIR IS CRYING

-        Or possibly laughing

-        Hard to tell when they have no face

-        Annie actually leaked all the compound V stuff good for her

-        FRENCHIE KISSED HUGHIE

-        Homelander is gonna get this kid killed tryna make him fly

-        Honestly the kid looks more like Hughie

-        OH MY GOD HE PUSHED HIM OFF THE ROOF

-        OH MY SWEET FUCKING JESUS HOMELANDER YOU CAN’T DO THAT

-        Oop there’s the laser eyes

-        Oh Homelander is back at the Tower and freaking Maeve out

-        OH FUCK THE BROTHER IS LOOSE

-        Hughie don’t do it

-        Oh ok I thought he was gonna jump off the boat

-        Kevin and the cult weirdos are up to something

-        Hughie no you don’t call the girl you like crying over Billy Joel lyrics

-        Oh god boyo you don’t then drop the L word in the same voice message!

-        He’s hopeless

-        Oh nooooo Kevin is attacking the boat goddammit Kevin

-        OH FUCK A WHALE

-        For fuck sake Kevin

-        Ewwwww

-        Butcher what the fuck

-        Hughie having a nervous breakdown inside of a whale

-        No but why is Karl so hot covered in blood

-        Actually I didn’t even need to include the blood part of that question

-        Oh boy here we go, the 7 show up to find Sad Kevin crying over spilt whale

-        ….why is Stormfront tryna get all up in Homelander’s ass?? I thought she was cool but now she’s all lemme suck that radioactive dick

-        OH NO

-        Poor Kevin he’s worked so hard to accept his gills and now Homelander has knocked him back down

-        Oooo dear Atrain is having a heart attack again this isn’t good

-        Oh fuck is Hughie gon get caught

-        Oh no it’s Annie it’s ok

-        OH FUCK

-        ANNIE WHY

-        THAT’S YOUR HUGHIE

-        OH MAN KIMIKO’S BROTHER IS BADASS YES SQUASH THE SMUG PRICK

-        Oh I do NOT like Stormfront holy fuckin shit what’s wrong with this woman

-        Poor Kimiko

-        What’s with the random woman talking about calling off her wedding?

-        Why is Frenchie taking drugs

-        FUCK SAKE FRENCHIE DON’T TRY KISS A GIRL WHEN SHE’S GRIEVING

-        What the FUCK is thiiiiis

-        Is he dreaming or is this the shapeshifter tryna stay alive by granting Homelander some sick wish

-        Yikes I feel bad for Doppelganger

-        I am fascinated by whoever and whatever the fuck Black Noir is

-        MM sees right through everyone’s bullshit

-        I feel so bad for Annie

-        Ooooo Atrain getting fired

-        MM having to put up with Hughie and Annie having a we didn’t start the fire singalong 😂

-        Ok who’s in the weird group therapy sesh with these women with strange views on love

-        Vending machine date so cute

-        Omfg ahahahaha the girl with the Ed Sheeran tattoo

-        I really want to like Becca cause she stands up to Homelander but I can’t shake the suspicions about her

-        I feel bad for Butcher

-        Homelander is a scary good liar

-        Oh shit interviewer lady is pulling out the diversity questions

-        OH FUCK

-        HE’S OUTED MAEVE

-        Poor Maeve what the fuck

-        Ugh Stormfront

-        Shut your racist hole bitch

-        Oh shit Kimiko on the warpath

-        Frenchie! Kimiko listen to him he’s tryna help

-        MM is doing a lotta sharing this episode

-        Ohhhh something bad is gonna come out about this Liberty lady they’re looking for oh fuck

-        Wait WHAT. STORMFRONT IS LIBERTY

-        Stormfront is like 70????

-        She’s really good with social media for an old bird

-        Ohhh fuck Homelander is pisssssssssed

-        Christ you’d know Homelander was an only child

-        Bitch you better not be fucking Butcher over

-        I FUCKIN KNEW IT

-        BECCA YOU RAGING BITCH

-        Got her goodbye fuck then called the supercops on him cause he’s a little broken? FUCK BECCA

-        Oh no Annie don’t give Hughie the “we can’t do this” talk

-        Pick your emo ass up and stop being melodramatic

-        All these women are chatting to Kevin?? Why??

-        Also this most recent one is super weird

-        THEY WERE INTERVIEWING TO BE KEVINS WIFE

-        This cult thing is so fuckin weird omfg

-        KEVIN GET YOUR SAD BUTT OUT OF THE CULT

-        Oh gross not the Doppelganger shit again

-        Doppelganger is really bad at flirting

-        ….

-        WHAT THE SHIT

-        Nonononono don’t do the selfcest

-        Not even Homelander is that fucked up

-        This is super weird

-        Why is Homelander crying

-        OH SHIT HE KILLED HIM

-        Uhhhh are they doing a lesbian scene in a vcu movie

-        Christ that was terrible and way too on the nose

-        “Strong female lesbians”

-        Homelander you himbo fuck what other kind of lesbian do you get

-        I feel bad for Ashley

-        She just wants to do her job well

-        Poor Butcher. His lil heart is broken

-        Oh no baby you’re hurt and upset? That’s so sad let me suck your dick about it

-        Oh no what’s he gonna do

-        BUTCHER WHAT THE SHIT

-        I mean it’s really fuckin hot but still

-        There’s always a cut on the cheekbone

-        “They’ve been moving her around like a Catholic priest” omg HUGHIE

-        Aww he called Hughie his canary

-        Oh shit are Frenchie and Kimiko missing?

-        KEVIN GOT MARRIED

-        BILLY HAS AN AUNTIE

-        Doggiiiiie

-        Awwwww soft Butcher with his dog

-        Aaaand now I feel bad for Atrain cause he’s being kicked to the curb

-        Oh gross this interview with Kevin and his cult wife

-        This is so cringe holy fuck

-        Bring back the Patton Oswalt gills

-        Why are the gangsters discussing musicals specifically Hamilton

-        FUCKING HELL KIMIKO PEELED OFF THAT GUYS FACE

-        Ahahaha the boys showed up at Butchers aunties house

-        The dog’s name is Terror that’s so cute

-        Hahahaha Hughie was holding the fuck pig

-        Why is there a sniper on the roof

-        Oh shit it’s Black Noir

-        Ugh what does Annie’s mom want and why is Stormfront being her friend

-        Oh hey it’s dickless

-        These two writer dudes are hella irritating

-        Poor Elena getting dragged into this shit

-        Yes Maeve scheme against his ass

-        Heartbroken Butcher is so tired

-        He needs a hug

-        Hughie give Butcher a hug please

-        Why is Kimiko in a church

-        Oh hey its Frenchie’s other girlfriend

-        Oh ok Kimiko is doing hits that’s fair

-        The old man just looking away like “I do not see it”

-        Aw no Frenchie don’t break up with Kimiko

-        Oh fuck off Cult Kevin

-        Stormfront again?????

-        Does this bitch ever fuck off

-        DID SHE JUST CALL ATRAIN GARBAGE

-        Wait why is Homelander giving an unapproved speech

-        This is gonna end in someone getting murdered isn’t it

-        OH FUCK

-        That’s a lot more murder than I expected

-        Ohhhh phew ok he was just daydreaming

-        Ashley is gonna go bald from stress

-        I adore grumpy Butcher

-        Omg auntie Judy is a drug dealer I love her

-        Ohhhh shit Homelander is having a nervous breakdown

-        BOBBY FROM X-MEN????

-        Uhhhh why is Homelander talking to Stormfront this can’t be good

-        Ooh MM set a trap this gon be good

-        BUTCHER HAS A BROTHER???? THAT HUGHIE IS LIKE

-        Oop Lenny is dead

-        The random explosions as Black Noir trips the traps

-        Oh shit Butcher locked the others out to face Black Noir alone

-        YES MM

-        OH NO MM

-        YES HUGHIE

-        Oh fuck did he KO Butcher

-        Shiiiit shit shit shit

-        Yes Butcher save your Hughie

-        Oh good they all survived

-        For fuck sake Kevin stop with the cult shit

-        Maeve please save Kevin from the cult

-        Annie why are you sneaking around don’t do it

-        There’s a lot of shots of Annie’s bum

-        What the fuck is Sage Grove

-        Stormfront needs to go choke on a bag of dicks

-        Oh fuck no not Homelander again

-        Uhhhhhhh

-        Stormfront x Homelander was not what I was expecting

-        These two have the WEIRDEST relationship

-        They’re gonna do some really fucked up supe bdsm shit aren’t they

-        Frenchie is Betty White. Fair enough

-        Wait what is happening. Why is Annie letting Frenchie at her with a lil saw

-        Ohhh the chip

-        “This might sting a little” FRENCHIE IT’S A FUCKIN SAW

-        Oh fuck that’s a big chip

-        Oh look it’s loves psychotic dream

-        Well that’s suitably gross

-        Aww Kimiko hugging Annie

-        Butcher is so menacing I love him

-        Kevin tryna be helpful to his buddies he’s so cute

-        NO! NO BAD KEVIN! STOP TRYING TO MAKE PEOPLE JOIN YOUR CULT

-        Kimiko with her brass knuckle

-        Oh man, flowers??? Homelander has it BAD

-        Annie back the fuck off and leave Butcher alone

-        OH SHIT IT’S STORMFRONT AT THE HOSPITAL NOOOO

-        What the fuck is going on at this hospital

-        OH FUCK BOBBY FROM X-MEN IS LAMPLIGHTER

-        Oh shit who got let out

-        What does Cindy do

-        OH SHIT SHE’S THE HEAD BURSTER

-        Aaaaaaand now they’re all out

-        Good job, guys

-        Ewwwwww acid vomit

-        OH NO HUGHIE

-        Are you kidding me?? Annie can’t go all Starlight unless there’s a power source in the immediate vicinity??

-        What kinda fuckin shite superpower is that

-        Aha Butcher agrees with me

-        Ok so I’m guessing Homelander went berserk on set

-        Uhhhh apparently Cult Lunch is a therapy sesh?

-        Atrain get outta there

-        This cult leader guy is an arsehole

-        Hospital escape lookin like a horror survival game

-        Awwww flashbacks to happy times

-        Omfg Butcher with the slicked back hair

-        Welp, Annie just killed a guy

-        Oh shit a baby seat

-        Annie is gonna have a bad case of the guilts now

-        Oh fuck ok Lamplighter killed the kids by accident

-        So Frenchie went to save his friend instead of tailing

-        Oh god that’s the penis isn’t it

-        Stormfront to the…rescue? Maybe? She’s gonna kill Lamplighter isn’t she

-        Oh, no ok she didn’t kill him

-        Aw no sad Butcher cause Hughie’s hurt

-        Oh nooooo Elena found a video from the plane

-        Mallory gon kill sad Lamplighter?

-        Stormfront is coming clean to Homelander? Whaaaa

-        She was buddies with the Nazis??? SHE WAS MARRIED TO THE VOUGHT FOUNDER GUY

-        Oh fuck the head burster is still alive

-        A montage of how Stormfront is brainwashing people into racist attacks, nice

-        I hate Annie’s mom so much

-        Black Noir has just fuckin LAMPED Annie

-        Butchers mum called him 😂😂

-        Oh shit his dad died

-        Why are Hughie and Lamplighter watching knock off supe porn

-        Oh boy a racist rally

-        Homelander just threw Annie under the bus

-        Hughie that’s a really weird pep talk

-        And he’s gonna get Lamplighter killed

-        BUTCHERS MUM IS ADORABLE

-        Oh shit it’s Denethor

-        And he’s not dead

-        Oh fuck he’s why Lenny died?

-        Shit Lenny shot himself

-        Butcher was SAS???

-        WHERE ARE MY PICS OF BUTCHER IN HIS ARMY UNIFORM

-        Ah fuck he’s bringing stepmommy Stormfront to meet the kid

-        I have an urge to run my fingers through Butchers beard

-        Frenchie and Kimiko are too cute she’s teaching him her sign language

-        Is this a cult birthday party?

-        Poor Eagle the Archer. He pissed off the cult so he’s gon be excommunicated

-        Uhhhh kiddo made a Lego film?

-        Good for him

-        I know it shouldn’t be sexy when Butcher starts threatening to brutally murder people in his growly voice, I know, but hear me out: sexy growly voice

-        11/10 would let Karl Urban murder me

-        Oh FUCK Lamplighter killed himself

-        Poor Hughie

-        Why do all the bad things happen to him, like having to saw off a dead guy’s hand with a broken whiskey decanter

-        Annie versus Black Noir, beat his/her ass girl!

-        HUGHIE COME SAVE YOUR ANNIE

-        YAY MAEVE

-        Black Noir has an almond allergy that’s such an off the wall weakness

-        Annie’s favourite chocolate bar saved her life

-        Well Maeve did, technically. But still

-        Omg Hughie accidentally saving Annie’s mom

-        Hughie and Annie are too cute

-        Oh shiiiiit Homelander screwed the pooch and showed the kid everything

-        HAHA SUCK IT BECCA

-        OH SHIT HEADS ARE BURSTING ALL OVER THE PLACE

-        Butcher in his lil jumper

-        For a non-American, this school safety psa video is supremely weird

-        BOBBY FROM SUPERNATURALS CHARACTER IS CALLED BOB

-        BOBBY FROM SUPERNATURALS CHARACTER IS JUST BOBBY FROM SUPERNATURAL BUT FANCY

-        Annie’s mom critiquing her choice in boyfriends while in mortal danger is gas

-        And typical

-        The lads going nuts with weapons they’re so happy look at them

-        And Butcher in his lil jumper again he looks so comfy

-        I would very much like to cuddle him in the soft jumper and give him beard scritches

-        Annie ffs let Hughie enjoy his Billy Joel, that’s a good choice

-        Ahahaha Maeve just called Hughie a twink

-        She’s not wrong

-        Oh fuck off Becca

-        Uuuuugh OF COURSE Mr Edgar is in with the cult

-        Oop Atrain overheard all of that

-        Poor Ashley she’s going bald from stress

-        The kid is gonna have a meltdown

-        Poor Hughie with his mom leaving

-        I wonder if she’ll pop up at some point and turn out to be a supe that would be fun

-        ATRAIN YOU CAN’T JUST APPEAR IN A CAR LIKE THAT YOU COULDA KILLED SOMEONE

-        Hold the phone is Homelander actually being a good dad for a minute

-        What the actual fuck is Stormfront on with this white genocide shit

-        Ahahaha the news broke

-        Uh oh the Vought soldiers got caught by Homelander

-        OH SHIT

-        MM BETTER BE OK

-        Becca fuckin constantly squawking about Ryan is so annoying

-        WHY IS KIMIKO LAUGHING

-        It’s adorable but still

-        Oh FUCK she snapped her neck

-        She’ll be fine

-        She’s like a wolverine, snapped neck won’t keep her down

-        AYYYYY MAEVE

-        The lads just watching them kicking the shit out of her like uhhh

-        Oh hey Becca did something useful and stabbed the Nazi in the eye

-        Huh. The kid melted Stormfront

-        Good for him

-        AHAHAHA YES HE GOT BECCA TOO

-        BYEEEEE FELICIAAAAA

-        I mean yeah, heartbroken sad Butcher isn’t nice to see, but Becca sucked

-        Aaaand now Homelander covered in blood has arrived to listen to Stormfront babble in German

-        This is like in those scenes where it’s like oh who will the dog go to

-        Ayyy Atrain got back into the 7

-        Aww poor Kevin getting rejected again

-        See Kevin this is why we don’t join cults

-        Annie thought he was breaking up with her, girl don’t be daft

-        Butcher and the kid, not awkward at all

-        The one lesson Butcher can teach a kid – “don’t be a cunt”

-        Aww happy endings for all the boys

-        Aaaaand a “happy ending” for Homelander too by the looks of it

-        Oh ffs a corrupt politician in with the cult, what a surprise

-        HIS HEAD BURST

-        Wait the politician lady is the head burster? I’m so confused

-        Confusion may have been aided by it being almost 3am

-        Hughie getting a real job, bless him

-        Too bad it’s with the head burster

-        Oh this is such a good song to end the season with

-        Welp, now begins the long wait for season 3, I guess

-        Should I sleep or find fic to read

-        Body says sleep, heart says fic

-        That’s a lie, heart says Butcher

-        ….Butcher fics it is

[stupid-stew]

two vent fics in as many days? me? nooooo.

the answer is actually yes. i am in crisis all of the time. here take a gender one because why the heck not it's 4:30 am and i have nothing to lose. luz, toady you are me. there is also a little bit of parent eda because what do you take me for? a fool? (Pronouns? AO3 link if that floats ur boat)

Luz Noceda had a lot of problems.

Sure, she was stuck in a hell dimension with no way home in sight, where her best chance of surviving was reliant on her having magic, of which she had none, and was separated from her mom, and was currently blaming herself for her surrogate mom having lost her magic, but that wasn’t the point right now.

Right now, Luz was focused on herself. That’s usually how these nights ended up, with her so lost in thought that she circled back to the root of the problem, she didn’t know who she was.

That wasn’t entirely true, she was Luz Noceda, average teen, lover of Azura, daughter of Camila, professional witch in training, student at Hexside School of Magic and Demonics, foe to an unlucky few, friend to most, the girl who had managed to outsmart the emperor and get herself stuck so far from home she might as well just give up now. Luz knew what she was, she was what other people knew her for, but who was she? Anyone’s guess, suggestions much appreciated.

She had grown up in an environment that exposed her to many different people, the internet. Yeah, maybe she had seen a lot of stuff way before she should have, but she also had the whole world at her fingertips, many types of people and experiences just on the other side of her screen, and it had led to some amazing things. Her mom had also been a big help, allowing Luz to question and experiment any which way she pleased, as long as she was happy and safe. That had helped Luz figure out who she liked, she was comfortable telling her mom she liked girls confidently at the ripe age of 10, Camila had of course been nothing but accepting.

That was easy enough, right? She knew exactly what she was, who she liked, hell she could figure out most people just by looking at them, so why couldn’t she figure out herself?

And that was where Luz was at, laying on the floor in her makeshift bedroom in the owl house, once again wondering what in the hell was a gender.

Luz was no stranger to this internal battle, it sort of came with the whole territory of figuring out your sexuality, but for the life of her she didn’t even know where to start.

Ok, she thought to herself, let’s start from the top. I don’t know where the top is. What is the easiest way to go about this. Most people start with pronouns, maybe that’s a good place to start? Luz let out a groan, this was going nowhere. Back on track. she/her. Simple enough, good solid pronouns. That’s what most people have called me forever. I'm comfortable with it, other people are comfortable with it, no, what other people think doesn’t matter, this is about me. Focus, Luz. Ok, she/her, fine. Though not always, doesn’t always feel right, how can words feel right or wrong that doesn’t even make sense. Whatever, most of the time she/her equals a girl.

Luz shivered at that, girl, the word had never felt right to her, something about it was gross in her mind. She had always hated being referred to as girl or daughter, but never had the guts to speak up about it in the moment. Luz chuckled to herself, and look where we are now. she/her moved to the maybe pile for now.

Next on the list was he/him. Luz smiled at that. Being a somewhat androgynous child for most of her life with short hair, being called her mother’s son at the grocery store was a fairly common occurrence. She recalled one time she was out with a couple of friends and some sweet old lady had said to them “you ladies have a nice day.” and then looked at Luz and added “oh, my bad, and gentleman.” Luz had to leave the store at that, her friends had assumed she was upset that the lady had called her a gentleman, but that wasn’t the case. She was more upset about having been singled out than anything, in fact she hadn’t at all minded being called a gentleman. It didn’t feel completely right, but it didn’t feel completely wrong either.

Ok, so pronouns, this is Luz, he is my apprentice. Eh, feels about the same as she. That’s so lame I was hoping there would be some sort of difference. The only discomfort is that i’m used to she, god my head hurts just thinking about this. Luz rolled over to her other side and covered her head with her sleeping bag. How can I feel literally the same about the two, I haven’t even left the binary, there’s only two options, one should be right, the other should be wrong. This is the same idea as answering an either or question and both options are the same but both are neither right nor wrong. It doesn’t even make sense. If the binary isn’t going to give me my answers then I need to step it up.

They/Them was dangerous territory for Luz and she knew it. This wasn’t her first time around the block, she knew that she loved they/them pronouns for herself. “This is Luz, they’re my apprentice.” God it just felt so right. She could never figure out why, much less bring herself to even try, which was probably how she kept landing herself in this situation. Laying up at night, staring at the ceiling, running pronouns, of all things, through her head over and over. It probably would have been easier if she had someone to tell her how gender was supposed to feel. What it was supposed to identify, what it was supposed to offer for her identity, but alas. It had been easier with her sexuality, she knew from the moment someone had told her that liking girls was even an option that was who she was. She was confident in that, it was simple enough. So why was this still so hard?

Luz took her head out from under her sleeping bag and rubbed the heel of her palms over her eyes. I know I like they/them pronouns, they’re my favorite, they feel so correct, huh go figure I finally got my answer, words can feel right. Still not sure how… anyways, what the hell do I do about it? Ask people to just change the way they refer to me? That’s absurd. Luz knew it wasn’t absurd. Not in the slightest. She knew she had done it for plenty of people before, people she had known for years. It wasn’t hard, it was actually pretty easy and she was glad to switch around how she referred to them no matter how many times they asked. So why can’t I just do the same. Most people see me as a boy or a girl, it’s fine, it’s ok, well at the very least I can deal with it. What are they supposed to do? Just not?

Luz sprawled out on her back and shut her eyes as tight as she could. She knew she had met plenty of people who were non binary, and somehow she had been able to erase the idea of them being either a boy or a girl out of her head almost completely. It’s just how it had worked, was it because she didn’t really see herself in that way either? Maybe I’m just making it up. Maybe it’s all in my head and I’m stopping myself from causing a lot of problems, what if I’m wrong, what if I make a mistake and have to ask people to change around again? I barely figured out what pronouns I prefer, ok well I’ve known for a while, but I still don’t have a label. Non binary? Maybe? I wish I knew what gender was supposed to feel like. She placed her hands behind her head and sighed. If you asked me what gender felt like to me I either wouldn’t have an answer and would start crying or would just scream shrilly at you for a few minutes. Pronouns don’t equal gender but what are either of those. If I use they/them pronouns do I have to identify as non binary? I don’t even like labeling my sexuality and I know what that is. God, I haven’t even scratched the surface of how I present mysel-

Her thoughts were muted by a knock at her door.

“Luz I know you’re awake.”

It was Eda, of course it was. Who else would be awake at this hour and hear her singular sigh from the hallway?

Luz pushed herself up from off the ground and slowly opened the door.

“Can’t sleep?” Eda asked.

Luz just shook her head. She didn’t have the energy for words at the moment.

Eda sighed and stretched out her arm to reach behind her head and pull out a clock from her hair. “Me neither, looks like it’s too late for either of us to be awake. Want some tea?”

Luz nodded and followed Eda down the creaky stairs and to the kitchen. Eda immediately found a kettle and started filling it with water to boil while Luz took a seat at the counter. They sat with just the sound of the running tap for a few uncomfortable seconds before Eda asked the question Luz had been dreading.

“What’s keeping you up?”

Shoot. Can I talk to her about this? It’s Eda, she doesn’t care, does she? Nobody here seems to mind anything, cool non binary witches. That’s so rad. I don’t want to bother her, what if she doesn’t understand, so I have the energy to explain? How would I even go about dropping this if it goes south?

“Hellooooo? Isles to Luz?”

She was snapped out of her thoughts by Eda waving her hands in her face, she looked… worried? Oh, I haven’t answered her question.

“Hm? Oh, it’s nothing.”

Eda didn’t believe her for a minute.

“It doesn’t seem like nothing.”

Luz just sort of turned her head away and shrugged. Eda knew she couldn’t pry it out of the kid. Instead, she just decided to finish making the tea. The two of them sat in silence while the tea bags steeped, which gave Luz a moment back to herself to question her next move.

Eda handed Luz the steaming mug. “You can talk about it if you want. I’ll listen.”

“I don’t know how to do this.”

Eda grinned. They were getting somewhere, whatever was keeping the kid awake this late at night was reaching the surface.

“Just go for it, what’s the worst that could happen?”

Sooo many things Eda.

Luz decided to just start out simple. “Do you know what pronouns are?”

Eda nodded. Ok, good.

“Ok, what are your pronouns?”

Eda was taken aback by this a little, nobody had asked her that in years. What was the kid dealing with? “Well, I use she/her pronouns, but I’ve never really felt attached to any of them, so whatever works just works I guess. Same for King, I don’t really think he cares much as long as you’re referring to him as royalty.” Eda snorted with laughter.

Luz was kind of in shock. Does she feel the same way I do? How did she pick? “How did you know?” the words just kind of fell out of her mouth in a mess.

“Know what?”

Eda looked at her with confusion.

“What pronouns you use?”

“I don’t know, here nobody really cared that much, why should I?”

Then Eda remembered.

“Ooooh yeah you humans use them for that whole gender identity thing. We kind of have that here but it’s not as big of a deal, you guys have all those labels, yeah?”

Luz swallowed deeply and nodded.

“Is that what’s keeping you up?”

Another nod.

“Do you wanna talk at me? I know you do better with your words than your mind, I can do the dishes while you talk if you don’t want my focus.”

Luz was now completely dumbfounded. In the last two minutes, Eda had told her that not only was gender a human thing, but that she was willing to let Luz process it the way that she needed, how had she known? Wait…. Just how similar are Eda and I? Luz couldn’t help but wonder.

Luz nodded and Eda got up without a word and headed straight for the sink.

“I don’t know. Back in the human world, people have a lot of words that they use to describe their genders. I don’t understand any of them, I know their definitions, but I don’t know how to relate to them.”

Luz paused and Eda gave her a gentle hum of interest as a signal to continue.

“They’ve just never made sense to me, I don’t know why and I don’t know how but it’s incredibly frustrating. I gave up on trying to get it and moved on to the things that I do get, which is limited to pronouns. You’ve got the binary pronouns like she and he, usually those fit the words girl and boy, not always, sometimes people use more than one set of pronouns, but the thing is I can’t pick. They feel the exact same to me. There are other ones, the most common being they/them, and I really like those, Eda I really really like them.”

Eda smiled at her, glad to see Luz’s face lighting up.

“But I don’t know. I don’t know if I should use one set, multiple. It’s really bothering that so many people back home understand, they just seem so sure of themselves, they know who they are, they know that they’re a boy or a girl or neither or even both, there’s even more genders to be a combination of, but I can’t. I think there has to be something wrong with me because I know it shouldn’t be this hard but it is, it’s always on my mind, and I can’t stop it or make it make sense. I haven’t even begun to entertain the idea of asking people to change the pronouns they use for me because I can’t tell myself what label even goes with what, and I feel stupid.”

Eda stopped what she was doing.

“You aren’t stupd Luz.”

“How can you say that when I don’t even know who I am, I can’t even figure out what words I want people to use when they refer to me.” Luz sounded exhausted.

Eda turned around and looked her in the face, dead serious. “You aren’t stupid, you just don’t know who you are,” she dried her hands on a towel and sat down across from Luz. “and that’s ok. I know it’s maddening not knowing, but you’re allowed to feel that way, if you don’t have all the answers, what’s gonna happen? Are you gonna die?”

Luz rolled her eyes “sometimes it really does feel like it.”

Eda stood up. “Well we can’t have that, no dead apprentices. You seem to have been thinking about this for a long time, you just need a little bit of a push. Pick some new pronouns.”

Luz stared at her, “what?”

“You can’t figure out how the feeling works, or if there even is one, that’s ok. But, you know that there are some words that fit better than others. You might not be able to tell me why, but you know what they are. What are they?”

Luz didn’t know what to do, she hadn’t prepared herself for this. She was ready for Eda not knowing what was going on, not this. She’s right, time to rip off the bandaid.

“I don’t know…”

“Yes you do.”

There really is no getting out of this one.

“I don’t know, I guess they/them feels ok? Better than the others?”

“And so it shall be.” Eda stated matter-of-factly.

Luz shifted uncomfortably in her seat, “but I don’t know, I’m really used to she/her, they don’t fit quite right but they’ve never really felt wrong enough to get rid of completely.”

Eda shrugged, “you don’t have to. You can use both if you want.”

Luz wasn’t sure, she knew Eda was right, but she couldn’t help but recall the time someone had told her that adding they/them to your pronouns was performative and accomplished nothing. Screw them.

“Ok.” It was simple, but it’s all she had.

“Anything else I should know?”

Luz took a deep breath, she was in this far, might as well keep it up.

“It really bothers me when I get referred to as a girl, I know that I don’t know what labels go where, but I know that one is wrong.”

“Good to know.”

This was going way better than Luz expected, but now all her thoughts were out and she had a little bit of a resolution, she was finally starting to feel how late it was. She yawned, “I think I’m done for the night.”

Eda put on a mock offended look, “But you didn’t even touch your tea? I worked so hard on that for you!”

Luz gave her a weak smile. “It was never about the tea, was it, you just wanted me to talk.”

Eda reached out and ruffled Luz’s hair, “It worked, huh?”

“Yeah I guess it did.”

“Good.”

They emptied their cups into the now pristine sink and went back up the stairs.

“Thanks Eda.”

“Don’t mention it.”

[kareofbears]

plainly in truth, chapter 1/5

“Without you around, it's sorta like stuff is just kinda...bleh."

—

Or: hiding, confiding, and misguiding.

read on ao3 or below the cut :)

The sweat on the back of Ryuji’s neck is thick as he climbs the stairs to his apartment after a lengthy run.

It’s hot for spring, mild for summer, and now that it’s late June, it’s finally starting to teeter into real heat. He escalated slowly, gripping the guard rail like an old man to make sure his legs don’t give out, in no rush to head back to an empty apartment. His mom’s been doing back to back shifts, businesses booming like it does during this time of the year.

Normally, that would make him miserable. Nothing worse than hopping back from a day of fun shit only to come back to an empty living space with laundry piled to the nines and the TV left running. He doesn’t blame his mom because he’s not an asshole, but he never dealt well with being alone. But nowadays, he’s actually starting to like it. Crave it. Maybe a little too much.

It’s easier to deal with being alone than getting that sinking feeling he gets whenever he talks to his friends.

Shoving his hand in his basketball shorts, he pulls out his keys when something makes him pause. The plastic plant beside the entrance had been moved. Ryuji squints. Quietly, he grabs the knob and turns. It’s unlocked.

“Hey.”

Ryuji lets out a frustrated sigh, tension leaving his shoulders as he kicks the door closed. “Fucking hell. How’d you get in here?”

Seeing Ann sit primly with her legs crossed in a dining table that’s barely big enough to put two plates down evokes a feeling of nostalgia in him. She holds a key between her fingers idly. “Spare key hasn’t changed since we were thirteen.”

He walks to the fridge, pulls out a carton of milk and drinks it straight, ignoring her grimace. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he offers it to her.

“Hard pass.”

“Suit yourself,” he shrugs, putting it back in the fridge. “I’m gonna shower. I think we might have some chips in the cupboards if you want some. Might be stale though.”

When Ann speaks again, her tone is flat. “You haven’t been hanging out with us. Or even talking to us.”

He tries not to let the annoyance show in his face too much. “Yeah, well, what part of ‘I need some alone time’ was confusing to you?”

Wood creaks, and he can feel her presence right behind him. “Cut the crap, Sakamoto. Something happened, I know it did. It’s not like you for your big mouth to be shut like this.”

Shaking his head, he strides to his room, praying that Ann will take the hint.

She doesn’t. “Okay, so I’ll just keep talking until something happens.” She leans against his door frame as he rummages for a change of clothes, listing off with her fingers. “It’s summer vacation, so it’s not a school thing. Phantom Thief stuff has been done for a while, so it’s not that either. I saw your mom last week, and she’s doing great. Congratulate her on the promotion for me, by the way. And the only other thing in your life that’s important is—” he hears her pause suddenly. “Are you and Akira doing okay?”

The sudden sharpness in her voice is enough to make his irritation ebb away for a second. “We’re fine,” he answers, pulling a probably clean shirt from the bottom of his drawer. He knows just how much she’s invested in their relationship. She’s pretty much a third member given how desperate she is to make them work. “I would’ve told you if we weren’t.”

“Thank god,” she breathes. “So what’s going on?”

“Nothing,” he rolls his eyes. “A big fat load of nothing with nothing sprinkled on top. You want me to say it again?”

“If it’s nothing, then why aren’t you over the moon that Akira’s finally visiting tomorrow?”

His stomach does a weird flop inside of him. He can’t tell if it’s a good flop or a bad one. “I’m over the moon,” he defends. “I’m crazy excited.”

“Then show it!”

“Okay! Damn, sorry I wasn’t happy enough for you.” Giving up on finding clean shorts, he picks one up from the floor and hopes it isn’t too gross. “I’m headed to the shower.” He rounds on her, giving her a glare. “And do not tell Akira that anything’s going on with me, ‘cause there isn’t anything going on. You’re just gonna make him worry for no reason and he’s gonna be all—” he frowns, overexaggerated. “—About this, so cool it.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. He won’t hear about it from me.” Ann gives him a long stare, and he refuses to look away. “You sure you’re okay?” she asks, softer this time.

“Never been better. Now scram.”

“Good. See you tomorrow, and don’t be late!” she calls as she marches through his apartment, foot out the door. “Noon! Leblanc!”

“I got it!” he yells back.

When the lock clicks back into place, Ryuji leans his back against the wall, letting his eyes slide shut. Is he that obvious that Ann would notice? He rubs his eyes with palms, frustrated. If Ann noticed, Akira’s definitely going to notice, and that isn’t allowed. He’ll just have to do better.

Going into the bathroom, flicking on the shower, he realizes he forgot his towel in his bedroom. Stupid Ann, distracting him.

Padding back to his room, he nabs it from the side of his bed, refusing to look at the letter collecting dust on his desk as he flicks the light off once more.

—

Akira came home to a face-full of streamers, two pots of curry, and six arms tackling him. Smiles and hugs were passed like a bottle of wine after a war has been won, and Akira shrugs it all off like he isn’t soaking up each and every exclamation of how much they miss him for a rainy day. Morgana gets his fair amount of head scratches, Akira gets enough noogies to warrant a concussion, and even Ryuji somehow manages to forget his problems for approximately three minutes.

It’s evening now, and while everyone had already left (not after slamming down two plates each and Yusuke brazenly asking for tupperware after the fact), Ryuji decided to linger.

“So,” he starts, sleeves rolled up as he washes the dishes while Akira dries. It might not look like it, but he doesn’t mind doing his chores; especially not with the way they both purposefully knock their knuckles against each other whenever they pass a plate between themselves.

“So,” Akira repeats. “I’m home. That’s cool, huh?” Even with eighteen layers of nonchalance layered on top of each other, there’s no hiding the lilt in his voice.

“Pretty damn cool,” he rinses a mug and hands it to him. Ryuji pauses as he watches Akira dry, lip quirked up. “I like seeing you like this.”

“Cleaning?”

“No, you bastard.” He reaches forward, unable to help himself as he pinches his cheek. “Smiley.”

Akira slaps his hand away. “I’m always happy,” he says, voice fond.

“I didn’t say happy, now did I? I said—” Ryuji wipes both hands on his jeans before pinching his cheek with both hands. “Smiley!”

He doesn’t fight back this time; instead, he lets Ryuji knead his face. “Your hands are wet,” he complains, slightly slurred.

“Suck it up.” His skin is mesmerizingly soft. Probably softer than even a girl’s. He would hold him like this all night if he’d let him. “This saves you from washing your face tonight, so you’re welcome.”

With one last tug, he reluctantly sets him free. Akira’s face is red and blotchy from the assault, but somehow he pulls it off because of course he does. “Thanks,” he deadpans.

“Don’t sweat it, dude. You know I got you,” he laughs, and for a second, he feels good. Light. Being with Akira does that to him, a pendant that wards off all evil. The pendant must’ve had some fine print in the contract though, because his stomach drops again when he remembers again. Ryuji turns around and starts scrubbing the pan harder than he needs to. Chill out, chill out, chill out.

Arms encircle his waist. “Sojiro’s gonna smite us if we don’t finish these before he opens tomorrow,” Ryuji says.

“I know.” A chin hooks around his shoulder blade, sliding in place. A perfect fit. “We’ll get to it.”

Ryuji leans back, far enough to smell the shampoo in his hair. He breathes in deep. It’s not what he’s used to, probably different brands in his hometown, but it still smells nice.

With the water still running, a group of businessmen’s laughter booming from just outside the cafe, Ryuji nearly says it. To take that weight off of his weakened knees and share some of the burden with someone who’s never complained about carrying some of his baggage. It would be embarrassing, humiliating, fucking mortifying, but it would be better than this, right?

He opens his mouth. “Missed you,” is what comes out instead.

“Missed you more, I think.” A beat passes, and then Akira continues, quietly: “You don’t know how good it feels to be back.”

That was all it took. The final piece, the last lock. The words he needed to convince him that this was the right thing to do. If he was on the fence of whether or not to tell Akira, this was the tug that took him over the edge. Because Akira came here for one reason: to have fun. To feel good again. To feel like Akira again. Is Ryuji really going to be the one to shit all over that? To fuck up his summer vacation with his problems again?

Yeah. Fuck that.

He wishes he can pull Akira impossibly closer. “Welcome home.”

It can wait until he leaves. After that, the world will just have to explode, taking him with it.

—

Ryuji’s in bed that night, tossing and turning, blanket tangled in his legs and head underneath his pillow, when he finally caves.

Smacking around for his phone, he pulls it to his face, squinting against the bright light.

SR: futaba

The response was immediate.

SF: what SR: that was fast. whatre you doing up SF: im always up. why are YOU up SR: just wanted to talk SF: ok

He waits a few moments to see if she’d continue the conversation. She doesn’t.

SR: hows school? SF: ?????? who cares, its three am SR: i care SF: ugh, go to sleep. we’re meeting tomorrow anyway SR: yeah but you dont talk about school during group meetings much SF: alright weirdo SF: schools cool. people mostly leave me alone, and i think akira must’ve tipped off kawakami cause she is wayyyy too nice to me even after bullying her in front of the class SR: what did you do lmfao SF: she said that whoever could recite pi to ten decimal points can get a bonus ten percent in the final SF: and i kept going until the bell rang SR: damn! SF: its mostly okay though. better than i thought it’d be for sure SR: and how about actual school stuff SR: like classes. Math, science, english, all that shit. SF: sheesh, easiest part no doubt. could do all that stuff in my sleep SR: really? even though youre a year behind? SF: uh yeah? i could be eight years behind and still dunk on these clowns with one hand tied behind my back and watching a live stream

Ah, right. Futaba’s a literal genius. As in ‘Make A Documentary Of Her In Twenty Years In A Movie He’d Never Watch But Makoto Would Love’ kind of genius. He forgot.

SR: nice SR: thanks, im gonna sleep now SF: kk see you SF: (¯﹃¯)

—

“Okay, this is getting a little ridiculous,” Ryuji says when he opens the door to his apartment.

Ann is sitting in his dining chair once again, this time donned in hot pink shades and a comically big sun hat. He tries not to let annoyance and panic flare inside him. He loves her, because of course he does, but he was banking on stocking up some energy and alone time before they hit the road. Maybe even shed a couple of frustrated tears, who knows? As long as he’s alone, it’s fair game.

“Hey, don’t give me any of that,” Ann says. “You and packing your luggage is like mayonnaise and my flawless complexion—it’s not good, buster. Remember Hawaii?”

He feels his skin heat up, and slams the door harder than he should. “How the hell was I supposed to know I’d get randomly checked? ‘Sides, I didn’t do anything illegal.”

“A backpack filled with condoms and a toothbrush might as well have been illegal.” Ann reaches into her pocket, whipping out a wrinkled piece of paper. “You can’t pull that kinda crap now, and if I know him as well as I do, I’m sure Akira’s already packing for that.” She laughs at her own joke and raises her hand enthusiastically. He can’t help but grin as he high fives her. Hey, even if his life is falling apart, at least he’s still getting some, right?

“So I’m here to help,” she continues, shaking the sting from her palms. “I finished packing a day early and everything, so I better get some thanks after this.” Before he can complain, she holds up a finger, expression stern. “I know you don’t need help. Yes, I’m still worried about you. Yes, I’m doing this because I’m worried about you. Let me do this stupid little thing, okay? It’ll make me feel better.”

His stomach churns, more intense than usual. “You’re still worried about me?” he asks, breath hitching. What? No. Did he fail at that too? Does she know? That must mean Akira knows, right? And if Akira knows, then—

“Whoa, hold on!” A hand grips his shoulders. “Deep breaths, Sakamoto. Don’t spiral on me now.” Gently, he’s led to a chair. He sits gratefully and waits for his heart rate to drop. The entire time, Ann stays quiet.

Eventually, when the room stops closing in on him, he sighs and leans back against his chair. “Sorry,” he says, feeling really stupid. Damn, what happened to him keeping this on the down low?

She slaps his knee. “Shut up, don’t apologize for that,” she scolds, and he almost smiles. It’s easy to forget how good Ann is at this sort of thing. For better or for worse, she’s had plenty of practice while talking to Shiho. The grip on his knee tightens. “Ryuji…”

He shakes his head. “No.”

And, for better or for worse, she absolutely does not let things go.

“Look, buddy.” The grip is starting to hurt, and it means business if her red acrylics are anything to go by. “I just saw you have a teensy little panic attack two damn minutes ago, and you’re expecting me to just leave you to it? Are you a clown? Are you a clown in a circus, Sakamoto? Is that what you are?”

“I just don’t want to fucking talk about it.” He shoves her hand off his knee, and before he knows it, his voice is raised. “Christ, can’t you just leave me alone? All you do is get up in my business when I clearly didn’t ask you to. Just cause we did this whole Phantom Thief crap together doesn’t mean it gives you the right to everything going on in my life.”

He loathes the ringing in his ears from his own voice. He hates it when he yells in the apartment, but hates the silence that follows more. Too much like his dad, too much like his exhausted mom.

Ann is staring up at him, hard and unwavering. “You’re such a piece of shit sometimes.”

“Huh?”

“If you want me off your tail, you’re gonna have to work harder than that.” She gets on her feet, glaring at him. “‘Piss me off and make me leave in tears’ was your tactic, right? Boring. Overdone. Try again.”

The way she’s standing, shoulders pushed back and chin jutted out like she’s ready for a shoot in some kind of army magazine, means she’s dead serious.

“Ann, just get the fuck out of my house. You’re really starting to get on my nerves.”

“Ooo, classic 'angry and make me storm off’, right? Better, but not good enough.”

“What the hell are you even saying?”

“I’m saying that you could say whatever pops into your bleached head—” she flicks his forehead, viciously sharp nails digging into his skin. “And I wouldn’t go anywhere. You could call me names, or threaten me, or try to hurt me, but I am not going anywhere.”

Her eyes are bright blue, but he can still feel the heat of it like Carmen was inches in front of him. His throat quivers when he swallows. She’s really not going to give in.

“My knee’s been real bad lately,” he relents, making a fist and lightly knocking it against his thigh. “Normally it acts up during bad weather, but the sun hasn’t left in weeks and it still sucks. I didn’t wanna tell anyone, ‘cause I hate talking about…” he trails off, but she doesn’t need him to continue. They both know damn well who he’s referencing.

Ann’s face crumbles. “That’s horrible,” she says, absently rubbing the red mark on his forehead. “I’m sorry I was mean.”

He waves it off, the same way he does whenever his mom asks him if he’s getting enough sleep. “Don’t sweat it. I know how crazy you get.”

It’s a real testament to how worried she must’ve been when she didn't take the olive branch. “I know you probably don’t want to worry the group, but you should tell Akira.”

“Ann—” he starts wearily.

“You know I’m right about this. Now that the Metaverse is back and we’re going to be running around more, he can’t not know about this. Your boyfriend aside, he’s our leader. Something really nasty can happen if we’re not thinking straight.”

“...Sure.”

Ann gives him a weird look. “That was surprisingly easy. I thought you’d complain more.”

She’s getting way too sharp. “What, you wanted me to be a dick about it?”

“I guess not.” Leaning against his kitchen counter, she chews her lip like it’s bubble gum. “Can I do anything to help?”

“Yeah.” Ryuji stands to stretch, ready for this conversation to be over. “You can keep this between us—”

“—Except for Akira,” they say in unison, Ryuji exasperated and Ann insistent.

“Fine. I’ll back off if you think you have it under control.”

“Hallelujah, she’s finally giving me space.”

“But,” her gaze is harder than steel. “Never, ever keep secrets from me again, got it?”

Ryuji rolls his eyes. “Gotcha. Can we get started now? I’m over talking about my horrible past so that we can finally have a straight-out-of-an-anime summer vacation.”

Her eyes brighten up. “Yes! Okay, I made this huge list and I know for a fact we’re gonna have to go for a quick shopping trip—”

“Quick? So, like, three hours going by your standards?”

“Don’t interrupt me. We need to pack some swim trunks, toiletries, and I know you’re worried about your mom so we’ll go grocery shopping for her before we leave in the morning.” Feet tapping excitedly, “This is gonna be so fun. You start packing, I’ll go shopping. Rendezvous in an hour.”

Before he even gets a chance to put a word in, she’s already out the door.

—

Later that night, when everything is messily thrown into one oversized backpack and a rucksack and the fridge is chock full of groceries for his overworked mother, he gets a text.

TA: i know you said not to bring it up but i dont care TA: i searched it up and apparently cold and hot compresses can help with the pain on your knee TA: also getting shoes with really good support would help too. i modeled for some shoe brands, i can def get you some discounts!!! TA: like, i know this is all base level stuff and you know this already, but i bet you we can ask sophia for more help. maybe she can access top secret doctor stuff for knee injuries?? :O

Ryuji stares at his phone for a long moment, before shoving it under his pillow.

Great. Add ‘guilt’ and ‘keeping up with a lie’ to the list of shit he has to worry about.

—

“A lake!” Yusuke cries, kneeling in front of the body of water like a man discovering a desert oasis. Gently, he cups the clean water and cradles it against his cheek. “You are nothing like the garbage-infested sewers in Tokyo. You are crystal clear. You are divine. You are salvation. You are—”

“Akira, Inari’s being a weirdo again,” Futaba points an accusing finger at Yusuke, who’s shirt is slowly absorbing more and more of the water. “At this rate, he’s gonna have to change.”

Makoto grunts as she lugs out the grill singlehandedly, a loud clang ringing out when she nonchalantly sets down a family-sized piece of machinery. “Alright, here it is.” She catches the look of awe that Ryuji’s giving her. “Does it still shock you that I can probably bench press you twice over?”

“I’m just trying to figure out where you’re hiding all that muscle, prez,” he snorts, and it’s the truth. Her and Akira must be the same breed, considering they’re both way too lithe to be this strong. He’s seen the way they throw a punch in the Metaverse—they could probably disintegrate a dude in real life if they really wanted to. Like yeah they workout, but not that much. Maybe they’re dieting too? He’s tried dieting, but ramen is just way too good, even at the expense of muscles.

“Ryuji, when you’re done spacing out, can you grab the ingredients?” Akira calls out.

“Ugh, cut the mind reading dude, it scares the hell out of me.”

He shoots him a signature Kurusu Akira smile; small yet disarming all the same, and it never fails to get Ryuji’s heart to do weird flips. “It’s not mind reading once you realize that I’m just obsessed with you.”

Instead of answering, Ryuji grumbles as he stalks off into the RV. Damn him and his genuine words and compliments.

He pulls out their luggage from underneath the table. Akira doesn’t need to say what ingredients he needs to grab—he’s helped out enough times during Leblanc’s afterhours to know the curry spices by heart. Ryuji might be a failure, but hey, he can do this no problem.

Grabbing bottles and shakers and balancing them on top of his arms like an overworked waiter, he glances left and feels his heart dropped. The envelope from his room—dust-free from rubbing against the rest of his luggage—is sticking out of his backpack. After a quick adjustment, he uses his free hand to shove it deep in his bag, hearing the paper crinkle in on itself.

It was a spur of the moment decision to bring it along with him, one that he’s still half-regretting. Why’d he do it? Maybe he was worried that he might enjoy this trip a little too much? Maybe he was some kind of masochist that likes having his problems and anxiety follow him literally everywhere he goes? Maybe he was scared to hell and back that his mom would find it before he had a chance to tell her himself? Fuck if he knows.

Poking his head out of the door, he yells, “Heads up!”

Throwing a bottle of black pepper, Akira catches it without looking. “Thanks.”

“Don’t sweat it.”

“Too late, I already sweat a little bit.”

Ryuji squints. “It’s sweated. Right, Ann?”

“Don’t look at me. I went to America for modelling, not a spelling bee.”

“I won all my spelling bees in middle school,” Makoto says, chest puffed out in pride.

“Were you the only one who joined?”

“That’s not important.”

Akira’s phone beeps enthusiastically, and Sophia’s voice rings out. “Got it! According to the internet, ‘sweat’ and ‘sweated’ are both grammatically valid. Technically, both Ryuji and Ann are correct.”

“Can we all just shut up for a second about sweating, for the love of god,” Futaba fans her face weakly. “It’s already sooooo hot. I feel like my skin is melting. Yusuke, is my skin melting?”

He looks at her for a moment, peering closely. “Yes.”

“How about we go in for a quick dip in the lake?” Haru offers, and Ryuji suspects that she can feel the same energy that he’s feeling when the group gets like this. “We were all talking about how beautiful it was, and it would cool down Futaba-chan no problem.”

She leans down, swirling her hand in the water. “It’s a little chilly, but it’ll definitely take care of the heat.”

“Good idea!” Futaba jumps up and throws off her shoes, ready to march in. “This is gonna feel so good.”

“Socks!” Akira reminds her.

“I know that!”

Haru and Yusuke follow suit, eager to get away from the heat, Makoto going in to change to shorts. Ryuji guesses it’s probably not an easy feat to roll up leather pants. Probably makes it either to ride motorcycles, or whatever people with leather pants do.

He feels a poke in his side. “You hopping in with them?” Akira asks.

No. The answer is already at the tip of his tongue, ready to roll out. Given how cramped the RV is, keeping up the trademark Sakamoto energy while lugging more baggage than an airport employee is brutal. It’s barely been a day since they started the trip, and he’s not sure how much longer he can keep this up. Already his chest feels heavy with something, and whenever all the windows are rolled up, it gets weirdly hard to breathe. But if he says no, Akira would definitely know something was up.

“Uh—”

“Actually, I think we’ll take over the curry for you,” Ann cuts in.

Ryuji turns to her, startled and wide eyed.

“Why?” Akira asks, just as confused as he is. They both know how much Ann loves being in the middle of things, especially in group hangouts.

“Because you look like you could use a break. I know for a fact that you had to pack Yusuke’s stuff for him, or else the van would’ve had fifteen canvases and an easel, and you had to grocery shop for everyone, and talk Haru out of a guilty spiral because she wasn’t confident enough in her driving. And all this before—” Ann looks down at her wrist to peer at a non-existent watch. “Five o’clock.

He frowns. “Sure, but I’ve done twice as much during our prime. This,” he gestures at the pot. “Is a walk in the park. Thank you, though.”

Ann sighs, heavy and contemplative. “I didn’t want to say it out right, but since you’re being difficult…” She places a hand on his shoulder. “You should hang out with Futaba more. Being gone from her for that long has been rough, and yes, we took care of her while you weren’t there, but you’re different.” Her hand tightens. “You know, Wild Card and all that.”

“That’s not what that means, but I appreciate the effort,” Akira says. Despite his words, it’s clear that what she said bothered him. Eyes flickering to Futaba, enthusiastically kicking the water to see how far the droplets would go, he directs his gaze to Ryuji. “Is it okay if…?”

Ryuji rolls his eyes, pretending like relief isn’t crashing through his body. “Go.”

Akira kisses his cheek. “Thank you.” When he pulls away, he gives Ann a hesitant look.

She grimaces. “Thanks, but no. Go hangout with the gremlin.”

He gives her a salute and saunters off, rolling up his jeans to wade through the water, making sure to splash Futaba on the way there.

After a moment of silence, he sighs. “Fine, I’ll say it. Your acting classes are actually doing you some good.”

“Ha!” she points at him triumphantly. “And you said it’d be a waste of time!”

“I didn’t say that.” Ryuji slouches into a nearby camping chair, the one that Sojiro forced them to lug along, hoping that some of his fatigue would seep away. “We both know that Futaba’s never been better, so what’s up? Why’d you throw out Akira like that?”

“It’s not for me, stupid,” she scoffs, but he can’t help but feel the weight in his chest get even heavier. He sinks even deeper into his chair. “The water was cold, right? That would make your knee even worse.”

“Yeah,” he blinks, having already forgotten the whole fucked-up knee story. “Thanks.”

“I won’t chew you out for not telling Akira, even though I should. But like I said,” she ruffles his hair. “I got your back. I know it must be hard, but you’re still acting all normal. We’re lucky that it’s only affecting you in the real world, too.” She had come up with that one herself, and thank god she did, cause he wouldn’t have known what to say if she had confronted him on how he could easily do flips and sprints in the Metaverse. “That just takes a lot of guts, and even though I know for a fact this would make you feel so much better once you tell him, I trust that you know what you need better than me.”

“Quit trying to look all cool,” he says, and prays to fucking god that the red on his face comes off as embarrassed gratitude rather than earth-shattering guilt. “And aren’t you supposed to be cooking, curry master?”

“Hey, he asked you to do it, not me. I’ll help you get the ingredients, but no way I’m doing the whole cooking shebang.”

“Ugh, fine,” he says, as if he doesn’t secretly love the idea of getting to cook for Akira this time instead of the other way around. Pushing himself up, Ann reaches out to help him. “You don’t gotta baby me, Takamaki.”

“I’ll baby you for as long as I need to, and then eventually Akira will be the one babying you. We come in shifts.”

“I hope you’re unionized.”

Makoto pokes her head out of the RV, wearing a showercap. “Did someone say unionized?”

“What the hell?” Ryuji staggers back in shock. Crap. “How long have you been there?”

“And why are you wearing that?” Ann gasps.

“Not long, and I don’t want my hair getting wet in case I fall in. We have no idea what’s been in here.”

“Were you going to fall in a bathtub?”

“Did you want me to push you in?”

“No, ma’am.”

—

There wasn’t a problem initially. Well, not one in Palaces, anyway. Wait, they’re called Jails now, which is really confusing. Ryuji’s just gonna have to avoid using those words so he doesn’t make himself look like an idiot.

Back in Shibuya, it had been...fine. Attacks landed, punches were dodged, Batons passed like his life depended on it (and it did). Like clockwork, instinct came to him and the weird nostalgic normalcy of fighting Shadows made it bearable.

Ryuji was off his game, and he could tell.

But he was barely off his game. If anything, he still had a foot on his game. Maybe even an entire leg on the game if he was being generous. He was still enough on the game that even Akira doesn’t notice.

But the weird part was, he doesn’t mind the fact that he’s off his game. In an even weirder way, he’s never been more on his game in his entire life.

“There!” Futaba’s voice crackles through the comms. “Uncle is open wide!”

“Her name is Ante, Oracle,” Makoto responds, brass knuckles jammed into the throat of some poor Shadow. “It’s open, but it’s vicious.”

Ryuji calls for Kidd just as she pulls away, wiping out the rest of the weaker ones with ease. “This thing’s like a goddamn mousetrap.” Ante’s serpent body slithering on the cool tiles so fluidly that it gives him the creeps. Her tail has tiny spikes etched into it, like mini knives hot glued onto a tetherball. The minute any of them even come close, she strikes outwards. “How vicious is vicious?”

“Depends on how fast you are.”

Akira’s head jerks up, and when their eyes meet, cracks a smile. “Fast, you say?”

Ryuji grins wider than he has in days. Joker relying on him? How can someone not feel a little giddy at that? “Say no more, leader.”

He stretches quickly, and feels eyes piercing the back of his head. Ann, probably. Shrugging it off, he sprints low towards Ante. As long as Ann doesn’t say a word, there won’t be a problem.

She’s taken hits from where Akira’s been concentrating on her. A mixture of bullet holes in its scales mixed in with cross slashes from where his bless attacks hit had left her delirious and pissed off. When he’s close, she bares her fangs and strikes, only for him to skid on the smooth tiles, rugged hands touching his mask.

“Come on out, Captain!”

His blond hair ruffled from Kidd’s attack, a crack of lightning came down from his Persona’s mangled hand, and a split second later her tail had been sliced clean through. And another crack comes, her neck landing on the tiles with a muffled thud. An attack that should’ve just been enough to incapacitate Ante had instead completely decapitated her.

A beat of silence passed as everyone processed what had happened. Ryuji’s mouth drops open, but he can’t muster any surprise.

He doesn’t know how, or why, but for some reason his attacks have been at least five times as strong as they had been back before the Metaverse was still intact. Moves that he didn’t even know are on the tip of his tongue, as if he had practiced them all his life. Normally this would only happen after rigorous training for months, adding up in tiny increments.

Now it happens every day.

“Well, looks like someone woke up on the right side of the gym today,” Futaba laughs awkwardly.

“What on earth was that, Skull?” Haru asks, eyes wide. “I had never seen you do something like that.”

Morgana’s tail swished. “She makes a good point. When’d you learn that one?”

“I don’t know.” He calls back Captain Kidd, eyeing the drop that Ante had left behind, but doesn’t move forward to snatch it up. “But whatever the reason is, it’s awesome as hell. I mean, did you see that? Sliced that thing open like a stuffed bear.”

“Let’s not bring stuffed animals into this, please,” Makoto frowns.

Akira’s giving him a look again, and it leaves Ryuji unsettled. “What is it, dude? I got something on my face?”

“No,” he steps closer, and his voice drops. “Are you alright?”

“Am I alright? I’ve never been better, man.” He flashes him a grin, hoping that it’s bright enough to distract Akira’s ever-searching eyes. “Come on, let’s get moving. Natsume’s heart isn’t gonna change itself.”

After one last glance, he nods, and Ryuji can see the minute Calculating Joker comes back. “You heard him. Let’s get moving, everyone.”

They all follow him up the stairs, eager to get moving past the eternally bleary and uncreatively written setting of Natsume’s Jail.

“Psst!” Ryuji hisses at Ann, who turns to him with a question in her eyes. “Panther! Get your ass over here!”

“What?” she whispers back.

He rubs the back of his neck. “I fucked up my knee when I rushed her, and I still haven’t told Joker, so do you mind…?”

An expected look of disapproval emerges from her expression, and Ryuji hurries to beat her to the punch. “I know, I know! But I can’t tell him in the middle of all this, now can I?”

“Fine,” she grumbles before calling Carmen. “I’ll cover you for now, but only ‘cause I’m a good friend and I’m super cute.”

“Yeah, the cutest, prettiest, whatever.” He glances over to Akira, swooping down to grab Ante’s drops before heading up. “Quick, before he looks back.”

Diarama washes over him, and even though relief floods through his body, he can feel a bead of sweat running down his temple. He’s not sure if it’s from her inherent heat or from the stress of lying to her again.

“Better?” Ann asks.

“Way better. Thanks.” He catches Sophia looking at them curiously. “The kid’s watching us. You better move ahead before she starts analyzing our personality types or something.”

Her eyes light up. “You think she’d do it if I asked? I really wanna know.”

“Just go!”

Ann hurries to catch up to Sophia, and while she’s distracted, Ryuji gently rolls up sleeves—he had gotten nicked by Ante as he slid. Normally that wouldn’t have been a problem; he had gotten thrown through walls, been hit by mini hurricanes, been blown up by a boat, and walked away from all that still swinging.

Yet lately, any tiny, fractional, miniscule injury is enough to shoot unbearable pain throughout his entire body. It’s as if he was back in Kamoshida’s Palace, where every punch thrown at him had been life or death.

Glancing down at his forearm, he sighs. The cut was gone, but he can’t keep asking Ann to heal him in secret every time.

“Skull?”

Hurriedly pulling down his sleeve, he glances up to see Akira standing in front of him.

“Everyone’s waiting for you,” he says casually, as if those words don’t mean the entire goddamn world to Ryuji. “You ready to go?”

“Yeah,” he answers, shaking his head. “My bad. Let’s go.”

They clambered up the staircase, and Ryuji decides that all of that stuff—getting injured and having it hurt like hell—just isn’t too important.

That just means that he’ll be fine as long as he doesn't get hit, and he’s had plenty of experience dodging punches that were thrown at him before.

—

“Cheers!”

All of them raise their red plastic cups, clinking it against each other in a way that they see adults do all the time on TV. Apple juice and iced tea slosh as they gulp it down eagerly, excitement so prevalent that they can hardly taste the cheap, convenience store-esque quality of their drink.

“This isn’t too bad,” Makoto muses, leaning against the faux-leather seats of the RV. “Though it would probably taste better if it wasn’t room temperature.”

“Does it look like this place has a mini fridge?” Futaba says, legs swinging down from her top bunk. “That’s a good idea though. I should’ve bought mine from home. Can you imagine we’re halfway through a six hour road trip and you want iced coffee and boom! Two feet behind you is Futaba’s Ice Cold Cafe, one hundred yen per use.”

“I hope you’d be ready to sleep on it, because this place is cramped enough as is,” Akira slaps the wall a few times, the way a rancher would a sturdy horse. “We’re lucky with what we have.”

“I know that! Without this thing we never would have been able to conquer Natsume’s Jail.” She reaches down to muss Yusuke’s hair. “I’m sure Inari feels good about that.”

He smiles, hair sticking up in all directions. “Of course I feel satisfied. Though I understand his struggle, being able to stop a fellow artist into becoming a true monster is always something that will bring me joy. Justice will never stop feeling good.”

“Cheers to that!” Ann raises her drink. “And you know what? This wouldn’t have been possible had Ryuji not kicked some major ass in that Jail.”

The group whoops and hoots loudly, and Ryuji can’t help but scoff when Ann winks at him. “Aw guys, you’re making me blush. I’m fucking awesome, sure, but we’re all pretty amazing.”

Haru shakes her head. “She’s right, Ryuji-kun. WIthout you, defeating dragon Natsume would’ve been much more difficult.”

“Even I can admit that you’ve gotten much stronger, Skull.” Morgana leaps onto the table, licking up the bowl of apple juice that Haru had left him. It feels wrong to let an animal drink that, but he’d never say anything about it. “Have you been training?”

Ryuji shrugs. “Yeah, a little.”

“Ooo, look at Mr. Humble all of a sudden,” Futaba jeers.

“I’m always humble!”

Ann grimaces. “I don’t think so. Remember when you finally got Akira to go on a date with you—”

“How dare you. He was begging me to go on a date with him—”

“And you wouldn’t stop telling us about how you had nabbed the coolest guy in Tokyo—”

Ryuji nearly jumps over the booth to put a hand on her mouth. “Quit yammering, Takamaki, I’m begging you.” He feels something slimy on his hand, and pulls back quickly. “Ew, did you lick me?! That’s so effing gross.”

“You’re gross.”

He feels a hand on the small of his back, warm and familiar. “I don’t think you’re gross, Ryuji,” Akira says. “I think you’re very clean.”

A harmonic beep rings through the air. “Sorry to interrupt,” Sophia’s clear voice cuts in. “But Akira, you got an email.”

“Thanks Sophie.” He points to where his phone is perched on the windowsill, propped up so she can see them celebrate their victory. “Can you…?”

Ryuji wordlessly passes it to him as everyone breaks off into smaller conversations, chatter blending into each other until it sounds like the kind of white noise he would queue up when he’s desperate to get some studying done. Immediately, Akira begins scanning through his phone, gray eyes focused.

He props his head against his shoulder to read alongside him and makes a noise of interest. “You signed up for cram school?” he asks, surprised.

“I did,” he replies, thumbing through the details of his admission.

Ryuji stares at him. “But you’re so fucking smart. Why are you paying who knows what to learn shit you already know?”

“Because Tokyo U barely cracks a 30% admission rate, and chemistry is hell incarnate.” With one last few clicks, he sets his phone down with a wince. “Sure is expensive though. We might have to reform the heart of someone in the education committee.” When he continues to stare at him wordlessly, Akira turns to him. “Don’t worry, I’m still leeching off of the Thieves' money from last year, so it’s not too bad when you take into account my part-time back home.”

“No, that’s not—I’m just—” he shakes his head and forces himself to start over. “Since when did you decide on Tokyo University?”

It’s Akira's turn to look taken aback. “What do you mean? You’d never leave Tokyo, especially if it meant leaving your mom.”

“That’s not the point. The point is I’m making you choose between me and your hometown!” he exclaims, but he already knows in his heart what Akira’s choice is going to be. It’s stupidly obvious. For some reason, the longer this conversation goes on, the tighter his chest feels.

The feeling doubles when Akira’s eyes, always focused and always sharp, subdued at his words. “Are you really comparing yourself to that place? You know I’d choose you over anything.” He reaches forward and combs through Ryuji’s hair, hushed and gentle in a way that only Akira can manage. “I’m so excited to live life with you again.”

The white noise, so comfortable before, abruptly turns overwhelmingly loud—grating and unbearable and painful to be around. Ryuji stands abruptly, barely reacting to Futaba’s yelp when he backs into her.

“Hey! What gives?”

“I…” his eyes dart around, flinching when he accidentally makes eye contact with Akira, and again when he locks eyes with Ann.

The sudden silence from the group is somehow worse than the noise from before, and if the tightness in his chest gets any more painful, his lungs are gonna burst into a million pieces and he’s not gonna be able to pick it all up from the ground if everyone’s watching.

“Trash,” he blurts out.

“What?” Makoto blinks, glancing up from her map.

“This place is disgusting and it’s way too cluttered and it’s bad to leave such a big mess so I’m gonna—” Ryuji grabs the plastic bag filled with garbage, haphazardly tossing empty cans and plastic cups into it. “I’ll be back. Don’t wait up.”

Before they can question him, he’s already out of the RV, towing trash and leaving his friends behind him.

—

“What the fuck was that?!” Ryuji screams into the sky.

He was far enough from the trailer that he knew they couldn’t hear him even if they had strained their ears, and it was late enough into the night that even the tourists weren’t poking around to look at the shrines or the Great Masamune himself.

“Keep it a secret’, my ass! That was the second dumbest thing—no, the third dumbest thing you’ve ever done in your entire life. Do you know how high that threshold is, Sakamoto? High! Higher than you can see with your own two eyes! Higher than Yaldabaoth’s goddamn crane-sized spine!”

Swooping down, he grabs a fistful of pebbles and throws it as hard as he can. “You are so selfish! What happened to keeping ‘Kira happy, you effing asshole?” Relishing in how far it went, he takes another two more. “You are so annoying. You are—” he throws, the rocks landing with a little plink. “Insufferable. Stupid. Selfish. A fucking—” this time, he doesn’t even know where it lands. “Gah!”

Turning on his heel, he glares up at the statue and grits his teeth when he sees Masamune’s stoic expression. “Don’t give me that look—you’re dead. You ain’t got nothing to complain about. Everyone’s remembering you as the guy who saved Japan, or whatever. But guess what? You’re probably a loser. A dumb, stupid loser who convinced everyone that you’re good for something when you’re worth jack shit!”

Before he can stop himself, he takes the garbage bag full of cans, glass bottles, and crumpled chip bags and hurls it at Masamune. It hits the base of the statue, far below damaging the One-Eyed Dragon himself, but the glass cracks under the force of being thrown, tearing through the plastic and causing trash and shards to explode all over the steps. Ryuji’s chest is heaving as he stares down at what he’s done.

“Impressive.”

He whirls around at the voice behind him, stomach lurching straight to the ground when he sees who it was. “In his years of war, I doubt that anyone’s ever tried throwing waste in his direction in order to defeat him.”

“Yusuke,” he breathes, feeling his frustration draining away to make room for even more guilt, if that was even possible. Ryuji cannot possibly look any more of an asshole than he does right now—tearing his throat raw in a public space, surrounded by the garbage he had thrown at a national monument in front of a guy who clearly worships and respects art that’s old as hell. “Sorry, I’ll clean it up, I promise. I was just…” he hesitates. “Talking to myself.”

Yusuke hums, unconvinced, and carefully approaches the mess in front of him. Ryuji waves him off. “No, don’t. Broken glass is a bitch, especially the little pieces. If that gets in your skin, it’s game over. You’d have to go into the hospital for sure.” He grimaces. “Trust me. My dad used to throw beer bottles at our place like he was in a ball game, and that ain’t fun, I promise you that.”

“I see.” Turning around, Ryuji hoped that he was magically going to head back to the group and not mention this to anyone there, but instead Yusuke stopped in front of a water fountain. “You’re right. If you’re not careful, it could be very easy to hurt yourself when dealing with broken glass.” Pulling out a handkerchief from his breast pocket in a way that only Yusuke can, he soaks it in water before crouching down at the shards glimmering under moonlight. “But if you use wet fabric to dab it on the shards itself—” he pats the concrete and flips the fabric over, revealing the moist and glistening pieces stuck on its side. “You can clean up the pieces with little to no danger.”

“Huh.” After a moment, he realizes that he’s making Yusuke do the dirty work for him. “Pass me that. Thanks for the tip, but I can take it from here. I mean,” he rubs the back of his neck. “It’s totally my fault that the glass is here anyway.”

He doesn’t look up from his task, eyes focused and movement meticulous. “No need. If you’d like to help, you can start picking up the non-dangerous litter around us.”

Ryuji does as he’s told, wincing as he has to pick up sticky, pop-soaked wrappers with his bare hands but he doesn’t complain. Karmic retribution has never held back against him. “The glass thing,” he starts, squatting down and picking up empty cans and plastic utensils with curry remnants still stuck to them. “They teach you that in Kosei?”

“No, from one of Madarame’s past pupils actually.” Yusuke shifts over to dab at another glass-covered section, concrete looking clearer with every pat. “Sensei had a rather violent habit of hurling canvases at the wall if they do not meet his standards, and his actions had led to many of our more fragile belongings being shattered when he did.” His tone doesn’t change, but Ryuji can see his shoulders tighten. “At least it allowed me to move away from that house very quickly, considering I had very little to pack away.”

Ryuji opens his mouth to comfort him. Instead, he finds himself speaking in a low tone. “Glad that bastard is rotting in jail,” he resists the urge to spit on the ground. “Then afterwards, I hope he rots in hell, just to really cover all of our bases.”

That pulls a chuckle out of Yusuke. “Thank you,” he smiles, and all Ryuji can do is nod. There isn’t much you can say after that without making it weird. But how weirder can it possibly get when the two of you are off towing around someone’s perception of the world on a daily basis?

They continue to work in silence; the wind is gentle, but it’s enough to rustle the leaves and allow Ryuji to feel some relief from the summer heat. He’s picking up wet paper tissues, and it’s gross, but it’s nice to be doing something with his hands.

He’s just about done his part of the clean-up when he can’t take it anymore. “Aren’t you gonna ask?”

“No,” Yusuke answers without looking up. That’s another thing that Ryuji really appreciates about him—playing dumb has never been something that he’s done to get out of an awkward situation. To be fair though, Yusuke himself is an awkward situation.

“Why not?”

“Did you want me to?”

That question makes him pause, and Yusuke doesn’t wait for an answer. “You’ve always been the most vocal in the group, and while many a time it has been our downfall in terms of secrecy, I have always considered it one of your strong points. And if you, Sakamoto Ryuji, are indeed struggling with using your words,” Yusuke’s eyes turn to him. “Then it must be very difficult to talk about.”

A beat passes. “No,” Ryuji mutters. “I don’t want you to ask.”

“Then I won’t,” he says easily. “But I do have a question.”

“Lay it on me.”

Yusuke shuffles to crouch down next to him, and it’s kinda weird seeing someone as elegant as him pose like some kind of hoodlum. “Does Akira know about your struggle?”

His mind flashes back to the confused look back in the RV and he scratches his neck roughly. “I bet he does now.”

Yusuke leans back, shocked. “He doesn’t know?”

“I’m getting there! Don’t pressure me, man. You said it yourself, I’m fucking struggling.”

“Well, yes, I did say that, but it’s Akira,” he says the name almost reverently. “I’d be surprised if he doesn’t sense that something is askew.”

“I just said that, didn’t I? Goddamn, you and Ann are just two of the same peas in the same freaking pond, aren’t you?”

“It’s ‘pod’, Ryuji,” he corrects. “Ann is aware?”

“She—” Ugh, how does he explain that she thinks she knows, but really he had lied about what he told her? “She basically knows.” And because his fat mouth just keeps getting fatter, “She’s sort of part of the problem.”

Yusuke’s eyes widen and Ryuji hurries to cover up for his mistake. “She’s not a problem, it’s just that I didn’t explain…It’s really my fault, and how I deal with internal shit, you know what I’m saying? And Ann’s just kind of in the crossfire, so what ended up happening is when I talk to her about what I’m feeling, I end up just feeling worse.” He winces. First he lies to her and now he’s shit-talking her? “I did not say that. What I really mean is that, uh, feelings...and actions...are complicated,” he finishes weakly.

“I see,” he says finally.

It seems that even Yusuke has a threshold for uncomfortable moments, because he rises to his feet. “Thank you for sharing all of that with me.”

“Uh, yeah, for sure. Thanks for the glass trick.”

“No need to mention it. It’s much easier to clean up a mess when you have someone helping you.” He points vaguely behind himself, “Would you like to head back together? I’m sure by now the festivities are winding down, and the trash you were so keen on disposing of has definitely been thrown away.”

Ryuji blanches. It grossed him out that he forgot he was holding an armful of garbage in his hand. “You go ahead. I just need to,” he rocks his arms, almost cradling the wet garbage. “Throw this out.”

“Very well. I’ll see you when you get back, then.”

He waves at him, and Ryuji wiggles in response (unless he wants it all hitting the ground and restarting that whole process again, which, no thanks.) After dumping it all into a nearby trash can, the process of which lasts several minutes since he still had to sort out the recycling, he feels a buzz in his pocket.

KA: come back when you can KA: i miss you

He takes a shaky breath.

SR: on my way

[interestsofabookwormbitch]

Season 1 Episode 5

Watching the next episode of Roswell

Wait wait wait! I just looked at the episode titles now, are they song titles! OMG I love that! Smells Like Teen Spirit is the episode after this one (that's how I figured it out) and it makes me so happy. I love Nirvana.

Ok, so here's the thing after the recap I just wanted to say. "After all I'm the one who killed those girls" but not Rosa... just saying.

Also, I know this was his thought process, two good lives compared to his shitty one, who do they ruin? Easy answer. The whole shebang. But I always hate that. Like not really but it makes me feel bad and I hate that mindset, love it from a storytelling perspective.

Ok back to this episode of which I have no idea why Isobel is out here alone. Love the crop circles though

See I like this argument though. Like genuinely Michael shouldn't be confessing because he matters too, but you know, with his mindset I doubt he cares. Making him aware of the dangers it poses to his family is more likely to work.

Sidenote: I mean technically speaking they should all confess since you know people died and all that, but I don't really care about those people, so....

Ok, so she went missing, and they're horrible at on the spot lies. Do I need to say "wonder what's up there?" I don't think I do.

Did he BUY that!? Oh my god

Oh he's speechless.🙄 I'm sorry. I know it's rude. And I like Kyle, I do, I just don't ship them. I mean, it's not gonna end up working, so why would I even bother trying.

I can't believe his mom knew all this and his it. I don't like that. Kyle's mom is kinda iffy at times. I get why she would (I think) but still.

Ok, that's gonna be important, but Idk what that thing is.

Kyle being shady. I do trust him now, but why does he have to keep secrets from Liz?

Oh! It's a recorder. Of some kind

Oh my. We have to talk with the conspiracy theorist. I don't mind that. It could be interesting.

She just cuts right to things.

So he's definitely too scared to talk, which I mean, fair enough. Also how did he disappear? Like she wasn't far behind him.

Cabin.

Alex! I missed him last episode. Also, sidenote, why is Kyle's second thought to break the window instead of, oh idk, scoping it out to see if anything is left open?

I'm gonna be honest, I didn't actually remember Noah's name until he introduced himself there. This really is a small town with everyone running into each other all the time.

Dude, Kyle's dad was so fucking shady omg. Like idk why he's connecting to these people, and just has so much hidden stuff. Weird dude (obviously on a less funny note he's extremely gross for getting with Rosa)

What's with the gun? Ah America. Lmao

Wait wait wait. Ok, unpacking this. A) blackouts, right around the end of high school, B) talk of Rosa as stressor, C) she doesn't know what happened. So like, am I reading too much into this or did Isobel kill Rosa? Cause I think she did. Accidentally by the sound of it, but tbh I wouldn't expect her to do that intentionally.

I was about to say I like seeing old friendships, but then things a turn. Oof. Bullying, homophobia, this is not good childhood memories like I thought we were gonna get. This cabin just got awkward

I love when someone asks "how much longer?" And it's immediately followed by something happening.

Fucking, guy who believes everything is normal, "don't open that. Bad things." Guy who knows about aliens and the existence of creatures outside of what we know and also experiments and government conspiracies "ah nothing bad could possibly be down there."

So why does Isobel blackout but the other two apparently don't?

And there's a big bed. Why, idk, but it's here.

First of all, poor Alex, literally life had to suck so hard for him, I can't imagine living life with no one real loved ones. Like I have 6 siblings, you know, hard to not have one of them be attached to you.

But anyways, see, now Alex is arguing if Kyle's dad was a good guy, and like, it pulls into questions which way this story is gonna go. With this it looks like it's gonna go he's not bad, but then what's withthe letter? Wasn't it a love letter? I'm confused

Girl just broke in! Was there no other way? Why does everyone resort to breaking windows in this town?

Yeah, I saw him being there coming. That was obvious after she went to unplug

Ok, was it not a love letter? Is that why it's possible this was just a detoxt?

Confetti gun, cause even if you can't legally own a gun in America you still need to have one

Ok, these three feel so much like siblings here, and I always have to stop to appreciate it cause so many things get siblings wrong.

This time! And truth comes out😬.

😲 why did I not see this twist coming! I'm quite literally speechless rn

Holy shit! I was pausing to say something and the gu went off. Another good twist! Why are there so many twists!? Help this show is actually good. So far I think this is my favourite episode.

How does she know what gun he has?

Oh back to the three of them. That's bad. I thought she was like investigating Rosa or something back then too, that's why they made her leave, but it was literally just cause Max liked her. Like I'm sorry, but that crosses boundaries. Making life changing decisions without the people who's lives your changing.

Fhskfhdskhd. Ok, they gonna be feeling guilty though. Like man, seeing his reaction hearing him be so broken, must hurt knowing you caused someone you love all that pain.

Also, finding her, yes please! She's kinda in danger rn.

Lmao, the gun! I hate that I laugh at it.

Holy shit that's that guy! Is that family bad guys? Omg I'm so confused help

Look, we love a girl who will fight, but tbh, not the best idea. Kinda sucks though cause I can't think of anything better, so A for effort

IS HE PLANNING ON BURNING HER ALIVE! Bitch why!? Like you could've just shot her. This is way too brutal, thank God she won't actually get hurt

Ok, I thought Max was gonna end up saving her and I was low-key rolling my eyes at damsel in distress, but the fact that she got out on her own? 👌 Also Wyatt is dumb. How do you mess up murder that badly?

Ok, so Kyle's dad good apparently. Yay

Anyways. Alex's dad? He fucking disgusts me. He can choke

Aw Kyle, I like that. I hope they can get over that bad phase, cause I'm really digging this friendship. And also I want to hug Alex rn. He kinda needs it

Yeah, he was gonna be dead

Symbolism! Shot in the same spot she was, by the same guy too! Ok ok ok. Um, I was thinking somethings gonna happen and he'll be fine, then I remembered the picture thing I mentioned earlier with Max being see through and now I'm terrified.

Ambulance is here. It's ok. He can be saved. I'm freaking out guys, this episode doesn't stop (unless I pause it of course) it's been an hour and a half and I still half 10 minutes. The episode is 40 minutes.

Ok it's all good. He's safe. Now a moment for him and Liz.

Oh, Noah's confronting her. I mean, fair enough, he's been worried all day.

Well shit. I didn't think it'd get to this point. Like I thought it was gonna be just "where were you? What's going on?" But I should have known we weren't pulling punches today. Things are coming to a head with these two too, the bottles, the lies. Isobel, I feel like you have to tell him.

I feel so bad for her. Like I get why he's doing this. A relationship can't work if there's lies, but she feels she has to lie. It sucks

Ok, yeah, digging into your dead father's history can do that. Also did the actor for Kyle play someone named Tyler? Cause every now and then I want to call him Tyler. Not as much as I want to call Alex Caleb (not even close) but still

What is Alex finding right now? Ajdgkszosysk that's the alien tech omg! He's finding out too!

Aw! I just need Max and Liz to get together right now. Of course it always comes back to Rosa

Yes! Tell people. Michael's right.

Uh, there's one more secret

Shit! Liz has put it all together! Omg I was right it was Isobel! Yes! And no, because like it sucks for her. But yay I'm right!

Fuck me! Ok! Hands down my favourite episode thus far! Like easily. Anyways, it makes me mad that I need to sleep. I want to just keep watching.

[rotationalsymmetry]

Animorphs Read-through Book 2 Part 2 (Ch 6-11)

I appreciate the, I don’t know what to call it, family diversity in this series? There is very much a cultural default in the US anyways of “a family is a mom and a dad and some number of children that all live together” and while I haven’t seen the series include extended family members under the same roof which is kind of a sad oversight, 3/5 of the kids do not have a “one mom and one dad living together” home life.

I mean, it really would have been nice to see queer adults also, but that just was not going to happen in a series aimed at kids in the 90’s, not without that being the thing that the series was about anyways. It was hard enough to find queer people in adult lit.

Marco got an entire week of detention for getting caught listening to music in class one time? What sort of despotic nightmare school do these kids go to?

“Fluffer”??

From my experiences of being a child hiding in bushes, I’m guessing the kids aren’t nearly as well hidden as they think they are. Although being low to the ground and not where adults expect you to be does go a long way.

If you’re not talking.

What the kids really need is to be able to speak telepathically all the time.

This book has a lot more “one friend says something that crosses a line and has to patch things up” than the first book did.

It’s a really good thing they’re kids. Adults would have a much harder time doing this stuff without drawing a great deal of suspicion. Kids get more leeway to be visibly weird in public. Even borderline teens.

(about the cat putting up a fight) Shoulda listened to Cassie.

Ok. Finding the smell of maggots in rotting flesh appetizing isn’t quite at the same level as swallowing a live spider, but it’s pretty gross. I’m satisfied.

It’s like when you hand someone spoiled milk to smell. It smells bad, and yet.

They do seem to have a lot of difficulty with the little animals. Not turning into them. But keeping the fear from getting in control.

“At least you didn’t eat a spider.” Honestly I would not object if the spider thing gets mentioned once a book for the rest of the entire series. Jake swallowed a live spider.

(It occurs to me this might be more intelligible if I copy out whatever I’m responding to. So, doing that now.)

“I think he was worried about me. That’s the way Jake is.” Jake has that heroic “I should do the horrible things so you don’t have to” thing going on.

“The bathroom connects my room and the room Jordan and Sara share” ah, older sibling privileges.

I am having sads about Rachel lying to Jordan.

I think Rachel really needed to hear that Jake got nightmares too. Good on Jake for going there.

“We’re all in this together” is one of my favoriter expressions in the English language. Yeah, I know, sometimes it gets used badly. But … what it should mean, you know? We’re all in this together. One world. One Earth. One existence.

Awwww they’re planning their world saving events around papers and family events. Adorable. (this is why the "kids saving the world" trope is so fun, adults are more likely to be able to get out of mundane commitments.)

“Marco can be obnoxious, but on the other hand, he can make you laugh right when you really need to.” Everyone is being too nice. Things are about to get really bad, aren’t they?

I love the descriptions of being different animals.

“If the mouse just stayed completely still, I would forget he was even there.” *cough* ADHD *cough*

(Kinda joking kinda serious. This scene is very much described as a difference in attention in contrast to a difference in what she senses.) (and, specifically, “if a thing stays still too long I stop noticing it exists…” ok, not with mice staying still, but with stuff that needs to be put away and produce in the fridge and just not thinking about staying in touch with friends when they’re not right in front of you….)

(Rachel noticing she doesn’t entirely want to be in control because she likes the cat’s confidence and general willingness to take on the world) So…everyone else can stop doing catgirls now, it’s been done right once and for all.

Side note: I know there’s a whole thing about outdoor cats, but I’m not sufficiently familiar with the issues to comment. Just want to pin “this is a thing.”

“Keep focused. Between your own natural attitude and the cat’s ‘tude, you could get cocky.” I don’t suppose Cassie is short for Cassandra by any chance?

(In this case Marco pointed out the risk first, but there seems to be a general pattern of Cassie offering warnings, Rachel ignoring them, and Rachel getting in trouble.)

I adore the juxtaposition of the cat’s fuck you attitude and its cutesy wootsy name.

No wonder cats get picky about their food. It’s not live. How do you make dead food that’s just lying there as appealing as a mouse?

Starting to wonder just how many cat behavioral problems are about humans not even attempting to understand the world from a cat’s perspective.

[purplesurveys]

1275

When you were younger, did your mother or father ever let you open a few presents before Christmas or your birthday even arrived?  We open all our presents the night of Christmas Eve to begin with; but no, they don’t tease by letting us open a few of them before our usual schedule.

If you could receive a 100 dollar gift card for either blouses, pants, dresses, shoes or purses, which would you chose?  If I could change blouses to shirts, then I would go with that because I’ve recently gotten into t-shirts and sweatshirts and no longer the trendy and preppy tops I used to like haha. But if not, I would go for shoes.

What is your favorite thing to do after crying? Ex: Sleep, listen to music, have some alone time, talk to someone, etc?  It varies as it depends on how much I cried. The harder I cried the more I’d want to sleep it off, because it can actually get pretty exhausting. Sometimes I’ll reach out, sometimes I write. It’s really different every time, but at the end I’m just glad I can no longer even remember the last time I cried out of sadness.

Do you think Trump will be assassinated, or will he survive his term?  Well we know the answer to this. It’s satisfying to notice him disappear off the face of the Earth immediately after his term, though. I don’t have a clue what he’s up to now.

Last time you felt suicidal?  For some reason I felt down last Thursday and I felt the slightest, slightest tinge of suicidal thoughts. No idea where it came from.

Last time you had butterflies?  Ugh idk but it was probably BTS-related hahahahahahah

Biggest asshole you know?  Certain politicians.

Did you ever leave someone because you know you’d hurt them?  No, I was on the opposite side of the coin for this one. I was broken up with because they believed they would hurt me, if not already doing so.

What song did you last listen to?  Hip Hop Phile by BTS.

Ever ridden in a police car?  Nopes.

Ever witnessed a murder?  Hmm, not that I can recall. I do remember having to monitor crime stories for one of my very first journalism assignments and the one time I didn’t tag along to the fieldwork with my classmates, they got to witness a stabbing incident :/ By itself of course it always sucks to have violent situations like those, but as a reporter it would’ve been interesting to see the scene and its aftermath.

Have you ever lied under oath?  I don’t think so, no. I can’t even remember the last time I was put under oath.

Have you ever failed a subject before? I’ve failed exams but never an entire class.

Have you ever had a deadly animal as a pet?  No.

Have you ever kissed someone of the same gender?  Well yeah, I dated one.

Have you ever been in a hot tub before?  Sure.

Have you ever been to a movie that sold out?  I’ve never experienced trying to buy tickets only to find out they’re all sold out, but that’s also probably because we have hundreds of malls in Manila alone and you can always find a theatre that are still offering tickets.

What movie last made you too scared to go to sleep?  I’m not usually that way with horror movies, but I do remember running into a jumpscare on TikTok while I was scrolling at 3 AM. Not fun.

When you’re on a laptop, do you hook up a mouse or use the touchpad?  Touchpad. I never use a mouse.

What’s your mom’s mom’s name?  Agnes.

Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the person you like?  I’m not interested in anyone so this shouldn’t be a problem.

Have you ever been tempted to steal?  Sure, but the urge is never so strong.

What is the main character’s name in the book you’re reading? I’m not reading anything.

Do you have a favorite local band? Who are they? Nah. I did have a Ben&Ben phase, though I haven’t revisited their music in a long time.

Who’s the last person you saw naked, aside from yourself?  I’m not sure about completely naked, probably still my ex. As for partially naked, my dad sometimes goes shirtless at home as most Filipino dads do lol.

Who’s your favorite horror monster/killer?  The most iconic for me would be that porcupine looking ass from Resident Evil 4, I believe it was meant to be for one of the boss stages or something. Anyway, it’s memorable for me just because that fucker had been impossible to defeat and I loved watching my older cousin do attempt after attempt. I don’t think he ever got to beat him and by the time he did us cousins were already adults, lol.

On a side note, we called him ‘Porcupine’ as kids since a shitload of spikes would stick out of him unpredictably during the boss stage, and I thought that nickname had been just our thing; but I’m actually surprised that that villain actually comes up when you do a simple ‘Resident Evil 4 porcupine’ search haha. I guess other people called him the same thing too.

What kind of music do you prefer to listen to when driving?  I usually put on a playlist of BTS’ rapline; I tend to enjoy high-energy songs while driving.

Would you ever own a hairless rat, cat or dog?  I don’t see why I wouldn’t when it comes to the dog. I don’t want a cat or rat. 

All the people you’ve kissed, what did their names start with?  G.

What did you and your ex fight about most?  It was about the deeper, more profound stuff. We never saw eye to eye about the future, if we were helping the other grow, etc. Someone was always scared or insecure about something that the other could never help with fixing.

Don’t you love long hugs?  Sure, I love getting hugs as long as I’m comfy around the one giving it.

And long kisses?  Mhm, they’re nice.

Have you ever purchased condoms?  Only for Angela when she had still been too shy to ask for it herself. 

Have you ever gone on vacation with your boyfriend/girlfriend?  No. We had gone out of town for daytrips, but never for a fully-decked out vacation.

Have you ever trashed your ex’s car after an argument?  I wouldn’t do anything that loud. My resentment’s a lot more reserved and subtle, definitely on the passive-aggressive side.

Would you leave a note on a car claiming responsibility if you damaged it?  If I left like a paint scratch, no. If I was somehow stupid enough to manage wrecking the car then yes.

Have you ever used someone's handicapped parking pass to get a parking spot?  Oh that’s just gross. No. I do remember unknowingly parking over a spot meant for the handicapped once just because the paint was so fucking faded. It was genuinely so hard to tell but in the end I ended up just getting out of the spot and looked for another just to be on the safe, unassholey side.

Are you embarrassed to tell people your job?  Not at all! I love telling people I work in PR and sharing the brands I work with...it’s just a bitch trying to explain what exactly it is I do on a normal day. I’m still blanking out on it now that I’m thinking about it, haha. PR’s a challenge to summarize in one or two sentences.

If you ran over an animal would you keep driving?  I honestly have no clue how I’d deal with it. Ideally I would pull over and help bring it to the side of the road, and try to ask for help from passersby as well. I’m still not sure what I should/would do next.

Where’s the best place to eat a romantic dinner?  French, Spanish, and Italian restaurants always seem to carry a pleasant, date-y atmosphere to them, so any of those cuisines should be ok. I also like quieter restaurants with warm yellow lighting, since that makes me feel at home the most. The place definitely doesn't have to be super popular; I would just want for it to serve good food.

What hobby would you get into if time and money weren’t an issue?  Flying planes.

What would be the most amazing adventure to go on?  Probably something that’s booked with thrill-seeking adventures? Like a day of wakeboarding, paragliding, skydiving, riding an ATV...I would be exhausted as fuck and sleep for the next three days, but I can’t even begin to imagine how fun it would be.

When people come to you for help, what do they usually want help with? Writing stuff. < Yeah, essentially. My friends ask me for general life advice too.

Has anybody criticized the way your significant other looked like?  Yeah. But I always defended her.

Have you written or drawn anything for somebody else?  I mean I’ve written long letters, but I haven’t made a poem or song for anyone.

Who has impressed you most with what they’ve accomplished?  These days it would probably be Arlan. He just finished his Masters in Journalism at Columbia and I couldn’t be more proud. I remember wanting to attend Columbia too, but seeing how my love of journalism turned out...I’ve long accepted the fact that that route was not meant for me, hahaha.

What is something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives?  Finish a painting, which can also serve as a callout to me lol.

What would you rate 10/10?  Seafood.

What do you hope never changes?  My relationships with my best friends.

Would you ever have sex with the last person you texted?  No, I barely have a clue who she is and she seemed decades older when she called me up this morning.

Is there anyone that you’d love to just spill your guts to?  I’m good.

Where is the person you have feelings at right now? 

Are you happy with your relationship status?  Yessssssss. I love not having to worry about another person to spend on LOL

When did you last cry? What for?  Two Saturdays ago. The one-year mark of my breakup had been coming up and an overwhelming wave of emotions just flooded me all of a sudden, I guess. There was happiness and relief from not being stuck in it anymore; feeling sorry for myself as I remembered the turmoil and deterioration I went through in the latter part the year; anger for the shit she pulled; and there was also just the general feeling of being grateful that I’m still here after everything.

Do you think you’re wasting your time on the person you love? 

When’s the next time you’ll kiss someone?  No clue. I’m not holding my breath for it and that’s okay.

Were you ever scared to death of anyone you knew? Or are you currently?  Yeah, unfortunately I’ve always been surrounded by at least one person who terrifies me.

What’s the longest you’ve been away from home by yourself?  Nothing more than a day. That’s something I have yet to try out.

Have you ever been made fun of, because of what you look like?  Athenna was relentless in her insults. I dunno why I was friends her for as long as I was.

Have you ever made fun of others, because of what they look like?  If they’re some random person on the internet with disgusting political views, then yeah; but it’s just thoughts I keep in my head and I never verbalized the bullying. But not anyone in real life. Do you think it’s cute when you’re leaving a place, and a guy says “no hug?”  If I’m friends with the person I’ll banter with them for a bit until I give in for a hug. If it was any other guy I barely know...I would be disgusted and throw them the dirtiest glare.

Do you wear short shorts (if you’re a girl)? I didn't know short shorts were specific to females. < LOL same. Anyway no, not these days. I used to but they’re not really a part of my personal style anymore.

Who are you the most uncomfortable around?  Relatives with the wrong political views.

Who has your heart?  Nobody.

Should cloning ever be allowed to happen?  I don’t see the point. No.

Are you impatient with really shy people? If it gets to the point that they seem aloof and radiate very I-could-not-care-less-about-getting-along-with-any-of-you vibes, then yeah I feel like I would get irritated pretty fast. But I was an extremely shy person once too, so I’m typically friendly with them and I would usually be That person who constantly stays next to them so they feel like they belong.

Does your house have air conditioning throughout, or do you have one that sits in your window?  It sits in the window, as with most households here.

What is the most ridiculous band name you’ve heard recently?  I haven’t encountered anything wacky recently.

Would you ever get a fashion mullet?  No.

Do you believe that Jesus lived and is returning?  No.

Do you believe in spiritual gifts?  No.

Do you believe in callings?  Not really, no.

If you were rich, would you get a professional photoshoot done?  Hell no. I get extremely sheepish in front of a camera and a thousand times worse at posing.

[venusparker]

a staring problem ✿ p.p (part one)

prompt: peter parker is not exactly a subtle person, especially not with the way he’s been looking at you lately. and of course, it doesn’t particularly help much that he went ahead and kissed you.

• requested by anon ↴

one where peter and reader r bffs n they're in a scenario and he kisses her and she says she has to go or something/someone interrupts them/snaps them out of it and then she leaves and hes confused why he kissed his bff. They forget about it go back to being bffs but than like a month or so later they’re in the same scenario or position n it reminds him of the kiss and he cant stop thinking bout it and how he wants to kiss her again. and him or reader says 'this seems familiar' and fluff pursues)

warnings: nothing but fluff and cursing fuckers get ready

•••

Peter Parker finds it all too easy to become distracted.

He knows he shouldn’t, that junior year is the year that really truly matters the most out of all four years of high school, that the furthest thing from his mind should be everything but school and his work and his college applications. He knows that he should think things through and not let his mind wander too far, or too close to home, how studying will ultimately take his mind off all of the things he’s been wanting to forget — Tony is a name he’s thought less and less about, but somehow that makes everything hurt all the more — but he can’t.

Peter also finds that you happen to be the perfect distraction.

He doesn’t know when he started feeling this way, with all the cheesiness and the butterflies, and the wanting to impress you — he’s felt all those things before but not with you, not with his best friend, someone’s whose already seen every gross and ugly side of him, and someone who knows that sometimes he reuses day old socks — c’mon [Y/N], what’s a day gon’ do? — when he forgets to do his laundry during the weekend. He’s felt nervous and sweaty when talking to pretty girls in the past, but that never included you; you being the one who usually pushed girls in his direction, trying to help him flirt and get out more, you being someone who knew how hard it was for him to balance Spider-Man and all the horrors of a teenage dating life, so you labeled yourself his wingwoman, since Ned was already his Guy in the Chair.

He’s definitely not supposed to feel this way about you, but he has. He does. He can’t specifically pinpoint when, or how, or why now — but it’s there and his emotions seem more uncontrollable than ever. And you’re very, very distracting.

You’re bouncing your knee as you do your AP Chemistry homework, wanting to rip up the packet of worksheets in frustration as you sit in the Parkers’ new apartment (all courtesy of the Blip), still not used to sitting in this oak desk instead of the old mahogany one, of Peter’s room being so much smaller than you were originally used to. Peter’s staring. You’re not blind, and you’re certainly not dumb enough to not take note of the fact that he’s been completely zoned out when he was the one who was supposed to be helping you understand the newest lesson. And you know Peter. Which meant he wasn’t exactly subtle — so his stare seems to burn right into you.

“Listen, dork, are you going to help me or am I going to have to fake sick tomorrow so I can have an extra day to do this shit?” You ask him, spinning around in your chair, facing him as he loses his composure.

Peter breathes out, annoyed, but also embarrassed. He’s trying not to blush as he rolls his eyes, rolling up the sleeves of his plaid shirt as he walks towards you and stands over you, hovering slightly, gazing at the problem. He knew he should’ve looked away, he was staring way too long, God, you probably thought he was a creep — this sucked. He didn’t even know what he really felt, or even if he did feel anything, or if he was just that desperate for a distraction.

“What’s up with you?”

He coughs a reply; a mumble of sorts as the rasp creeps up. “Nothing. I. . .just. I don’t know.”

“Yeah, well, I need help because my mom is coming in like less than ten minutes and I know the minute I get home, I’m gonna take a nap and try to finish this in home room instead.”

“Ok,” Peter said, but then he shut his mouth. Wrong answer — but in his defense, he was still. . .gathering himself. He wanted to seem normal. Which, he was. He was just confused? No, that’s not what he was looking for — pensive? He had to tear his eyes away from you to focus on his calloused hands.

He did sneak a tiny glance — quick, almost like a simple blink in your direction before he turned away.

Damn. He really liked that top on you.

“Are you okay?” You put down your pencil — really, any excuse to stop doing work that was due was taken as quick as possible — and looked up at him from the chair.

He backed away and nodded, gulping nervously, which made you severely doubt his previous nod of affirmation. No one gulps nervously if they’re okay.

You got up and walked towards him, staring at him curiously. “Is it a Spider-Man thing? Or is May getting on your case because you’ve been leaving your socks and lotion out again—”

He cringes, then blushes, then cringes harder. That certainly shattered his daze. “Jesus, why do you have to say things like that?”

You laugh and roll your eyes. “Cause it’s funny. Cause it’s you.” You poke his shoulder. “Come on, what’s up? Fair warning, if it’s depressing, I might cry.”

He rolls his eyes this time and sits down on the bed, leaning back on his arms. You follow and on the floor by his bed, propping yourself up on his leg, arching a brow. He can’t help but notice that you looked really pretty from that angle.

“How do you know that you like someone?” Peter asks. The words are rushed and quick and very high pitched, exactly how he talks when he’s nervous. He clears his throat directly after, like he wishes he swallowed his words instead.

A part of you deflates.

Peter likes someone?

You wondered who. It could’ve been anyone, really. He had a habit of liking people suddenly and randomly, no matter how long he had known them. It was endearing, in a way, how his crushes would appear and stick for months at a time before he got over them (the moping was horrible, though, and you and May were postigive that he breaks his own heart), but a lot of the time, it was a chore to keep up with. Ned was amazing for somehow managing Peter’s love interests — and dealing with Peter when he claimed that no one paid attention to him.

You wondered if it was MJ.

It was probably MJ.

They were cute together, and they got along really well, and Peter had a thing for her a couple months ago that he swore he had gotten over. Maybe he hadn’t gotten over after all — even though he specifically said the words I swear, that’s done with, I really liked her, but maybe things just don’t work out so I’m over it, I’m over it.

Still, you liked giving him advice. He was sort of an idiot, dense if you will, when it came to these kinds of things. Academically he soared, but with relationships it was like he needed help taking his first steps. And who was always around to assist him?

You’d like to give yourself a pat on the back.

“Well,” you start, trying to think of a possible answer that made sense. You hoisted yourself up on the bed so you were across from him, your knees touching his. “I mean. When I like someone, I think about them a lot. Even when I don’t want to. Or, I want to see them as much as possible, even if it means taking a longer way to class just in case I bump into them. I might just be desperate, but yeah.”

“But what if you know them already? And you don’t have to do all that stuff?” He pesters, and he wishes Ned wasn’t grounded. Ned would be great at this—er, sort of. “What if they just distract you? That doesn’t necessarily mean you like them.”

You furrow your brows. You made a mental note to later force Ned to tell you who Peter liked if you didn’t find out on your own while you were here. You were sure that you could make Peter say who he had in mind himself, but your mother was coming and you wanted to find out today. Part of it was generally curiosity and a willingness to help. The other half — the bigger one — was just because you were nosy.

“That’s true. Just cause they’re a distraction doesn’t mean you like them, they could just be a distraction and that’s that. But I think it depends. Like how they distract you, when, why. Like if you’re bored and they’re doing something entertaining or they’re just nice to look at, then you could just be distracted. But —”

You cut yourself off. You’re not sure why, but suddenly you feel shy, embarrassed, even though you don’t really feel shy around Peter. Your face feels hot because you know Peter is looking at you like you’re crazy, upset and patience running thin when you stopped yourself. You were warming up, ears probably red underneath your strands of hair, and you glanced down and away, hoping that he wouldn’t notice.

Was it a crime to be afraid to reveal too much?

Peter wanted an answer. “But what? Come on.”

He wants to know what you have to say, especially because you always do this; you constantly give him love advice while never finishing when something hits too close to home. He hated it because it made him feel like he was being left out of something he thought he should’ve known by now, and it wasn’t fair that you always knew his latest infatuations while barely sparing a word about any of yours.

Come to think of it, the last time Peter heard you talk about someone you liked was freshman year, and ever since, you had stopped mentioning names.

His heart jumped.

“Fine, shut up. Can you let me breathe? Damn.” You give him a look, sticking out your tongue and he returns it, giving you an annoyed expression.

You want to shove him, but maybe not in the face. Peter had a nice face, so you couldn’t harm that, lest you rid the world — and your eyes — someone nice to look at when you should’ve been doing homework. Still, a shove would have rightfully knocked him down a few pegs. You sigh, continuing, sheepishly.

“I was going to say that, well, if you just happen to look at them, then they’re just something to keep your mind off of something else. But, if, let’s say, you’re in calculus, right? And you really, really need to know the lesson and problem on the board to understand future problems or problems on the test, but you can’t help but keep glancing over, or staring, or somehow you always find yourself looking at them even though you need to focus on something else — you might like them. If you’re trying to focus but you know that they sit behind you or next to you, and suddenly you sneak a peek? You have a problem, my friend.”

You bite your lip, praying it doesn’t seem all too much like this is your own relay of personal experiences. You also hope that he doesn’t think much of you choosing calculus, which is one of the only classes you have together this year.

“A problem?” He repeats, scratching the nape of his neck.

He didn’t necessarily think it was a problem. Well, it was kind of creepy how often his eyes drifted to you when he should’ve been paying attention to Mr. Harrington, or when you left the lunch table to get in line because the cafeteria was selling French toast sticks and he would subconsciously watch you walk away.

Okay, yeah. Maybe he did have a problem.

“Yup. A problem. Now,” you pause for dramatic effect that Peter does not appreciate, “who is it?”

He answers too fast, and he wants to smack himself when he does. “No one! It’s-it’s nothing! I don’t even know if I like them yet. I haven’t, like, kissed them or done anything or even really thought about them that much.”

“Peter, come on! You can tell me.” You move closer to him, readjusting your legs so you can sit comfortably. “You’ll know if you like somebody. Most people have a clue by now.”

“But I don’t know.”

“Yes you do! If you have to ask if you like someone, you probably already know the answer and just don’t want to admit it.”

“I don’t know, okay?! I don’t know. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

Peter’s heart quickens in his chest. He has to refrain from placing his hand over it, as though he’s afraid it might leap out of his chest, like the ending of Alien. That’d be horrific.

“How do you not?” You challenge, getting up in his face, acting smug. It was a best friend’s duty, after all, to be annoying — especially if your best friend was Peter Parker.

“Ugh, you’re so annoying!” He tells you, but it’s nothing you haven’t heard from his mouth before.

You could definitely be more annoying than you were being right now.

“Tell me! Tell me! Please, Peter? It’s not like I’ll tell anyone and I’ll help you out and—”

You’re moving towards him, trying to up the irritating factor by trying to lay on him, using all your weight and pressing into him so he starts trying to push you off. He groans, clearly unamused, but that’s all the more motivation to keep going.

The pleas keep escaping your lips as you climb him like a child, too caught up in the action to notice much of anything else.

“Um,” Peter says, and you stop. The word leaves his mouth quickly. His eyes are slightly wide, but he’s trying to pretend that they aren’t. Even though you see right through him, most of the time.

You hadn’t noticed how close you two had gotten. Your noses weren’t exactly touching, but a little farther and you could’ve gotten there. You were close enough to notice the flecks of hazel in his eyes, and the rim of gold, something you’d probably take a picture of for your required photography elective (Peter only promised to take it if you took it with him), if you only had a camera. Your eyes trail his face before you stop yourself and lift your head back slightly.

“I’m. . .” You feel like you’re choking on your words. They come out so soft, as a whisper, and they’re trailing, like you can’t finish. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realise. That’s weird. This is weird.”

“It’s okay,” Peter reassures you, but neither of you make any effort to move away from each other, and he doesn’t exactly want to. His breathing is shaky, and he knows you hear it.

“It is?” You don’t move back — just frozen, so close to his face. Did he always have that scar there? And you could’ve sworn he had less freckles. “It’s. . .okay?”

Your own words confuse you, but he shakes his head, swallowing.

“Yeah.” Peter lets out a breathy reply, staring at you.

He moves forward like someone else had pushed him, and he kisses you, eyes fluttering closed for a split second. You feel his lips — they’re soft, but a little chapped on the corners, and they taste like a mixture of that caramel coffee flavor he always likes to drink and the spare lip balm you let him borrow — as they press against yours, a small peck, a light graze, and then Peter pulls away. You kiss him back, you know that much. For that minuscule moment, you kissed Peter Parker back.

You two stare at each other. Silent, motionless, stiff.

Then he kisses you again.

This time it’s longer, but still nervous. It’s awkward and weird, but enjoyable at the same time — enjoyable because it’s you, it’s you, it’s you, and Peter has never thought about kissing you, not really, and now that he has, now that he actually was, he knew he would have trouble even kicking the memory out of his mind. You kiss him back kind of hard because you don’t know how to trek into this new territory, how to walk safely without stubbing toe, but he kisses you, he kisses you — Peter is kissing you.

And then he’s not.

Both of you hear it. The footsteps, May’s footsteps to be specific, and you jump so far apart from one another that you’re off the bed and on your feet. The blush on both of you is enough to give a grounded Ned secondhand embarrassment (Peter may have had Spidey-senses, but Ned’s Best Friend Sixth Sense was probably pinging right now), and you collect your things — that damn AP Chem homework, the bane of your existence — shoving them into your bag.

Did that happen? Did that just happen, for real? Did you kiss Peter Parker on his dumb mouth and enjoy it?

Fuck. Well, technically he kissed you.

By the time May throws open Peter’s bedroom door, an action all were used to by now, you’re packed up and ready to go, not even looking at the boy less than five feet away from you. To be fair, it’s not like he’s exactly looking at you either. Not anymore.

You two are looking at everything, but each other. 

“I think your mom is outside, [Y/N]. She buzzed on the wrong apartment because our buttons are all kind of funky. Should be getting fixed by Tuesday, though, so that’s fun! Mechanic guy that my friend Chelsea used to date offered to do it for free,” May rambles endearingly, and it’s almost enough to make you feel less flustered by the past five minutes.

Almost. 

“Thanks, May! I’ll get going then.” You walk up to the doorway to give her a hug and turn around. You’re not sure what to do about Peter. “Uh, I’ll see you tomorrow, Pete. Bye.”

“Uh, what? Oh, bye.” Peter gives you a casual wave, despite the fact that he’s unable to meet your eyes. May sends him a look, having perhaps an entire conversation with him just via her eyes (she had always been gifted at that), before walking you out of the apartment.

Peter listens intently on his bed as May’s voice rings through the small apartment, how she asked you questions about the usual: homework, school, your family — and you and May had always bonded over a similar taste in stupid reality television. You hated it so much that you became obsessed with it, and May loved catching up with you over episodes of random shows you would happen to stumble upon. He endures several minutes of finding out spoilers to something he didn’t really care about until he heard you say a final goodbye and May shutting the door.

He sighed in relief, but he knew what was coming. May. May — as lovable and amazing as she was — was very, very gossipy. Not that she had many people to gossip with, though she had a large number of friends, but she liked knowing even the most intimate details of Peter’s life. It wasn’t bad, but that just meant he had a hard time lying to her.

She came back in the room, loose pants swinging against her legs as she opened his bedroom door, the strictly Eye Conversation now becoming one that could be said out loud.

“Peter.”

“Yes, May?”

She was expectant, but smiling. It was a knowing smile and Peter hated it — even though he was trying not to blush or smile either.

“Well. What the hell was that?”

•••

i’ll start working on part 2 y’all!!! hope u enjoyed part one tho. and thank u to the anon who sent this request it’s rlly cute

[adventuresinwonderlust]

Title: Big Brother- “The New Kid” Part 2

Pairing: Yoongi x OC aka Tessa Ft. Tae (Brother) Ft. Jin (Bros BFF)

Warnings: abusive language, slight bullying, fluff, angst, lots of cursing, slow burn/ build-up

Rating: 18 and over

“TESSAAAAAAA!!!!” I jump up at the sound of Tae yelling for me from downstairs. I leap out of bed and rush down to meet his call. “What’s going on?” I ask between breaths. “Check this out.” He waves me over, calmly now, from the kitchen window. I take my place beside him and peer out the window to see Yoongi in the backyard at Mrs. Mark’s place mowing the lawn. “Don’t be a creeper Tae. Is that what you hollered for? You scared me!” I punch his arm. “She hired help,” Tae looks over at me like a hurt kid, “Why? I was helping just fine. Maybe I did something wrong.” I roll my eyes. “Oh god Tae. He’s her exchange student. I saw her yesterday. He just moved here; he’s going to be staying here. She doesn’t need your help anymore.” I open the fridge and find nothing to eat. “We need to do a store run.” I say to the back of Tae’s head as he stares out the window again. “Hello,” I call out to him, “Earth to Tae!” He turns to me looking puzzled. “So, like, he’s gonna live with her? That’s weird no?” “Why is that weird? She’s doing something good for someone in need.” I cross my arms and stare at Tae who looks as if he is solving a math equation. “So, he’s some poor kid looking for a handout?” “No, you’re just some poor kid looking for a handout. He’s is an educated mind in need of a helping hand.” Tae scoffs. “We should go say hi.” He suggests. “I introduced myself yesterday. Let’s focus on eating. We need to do a store run.” “You’re right sorry.” “Cool, so let’s make a list and get some stuff done.” I pull out a piece of paper and a pen. I look up and see that Tae has left. “Shit, Tae!” I call out.

I head out the front and towards the back of the house. Tae is leaning on Mrs. Mark’s fence waving to catch Yoongi’s attention. I see Yoongi appear at the fence stone face and sweaty with a black cap on backwards. He dries his face with his sleeve. I catch up and jump in front of Tae. “Hey Yoongi!” He nods at bright wave. Tae shoves me over. “I’m Tae, Tessa’s brother, she was telling me that you just moved here and will be living with Kelly. So, what’s your deal man?” I shoot Tae a ‘What the fuck’ look. Yoongi looks at me and then Tae, not a wink of emotion on his face. I chuckle nervously. I look back at Tae whose eyes shift from me to Yoongi. “Well? What are you a mute?” Tae looks at me. Yoongi licks his lips looking rather annoyed. “Mute? No. I just have hard time understanding your dumb down slang. I have no…uh…. Deal as you say.” He gives a small smile and I can’t help but laugh at his sarcasms. Tae’s face shift and I straightened up. He reminds me of my father when he’s mad. “Well Mandu, I’d be sure to not have a deal. I’m not exactly the type of guy you wanna fuck around with, get me?” Yoongi scoffs. “Mandu? That’s good. I have never heard this one. So…. original.” He looks from Tae to me and walks back over to the mower, starting it up again and moving back across the yard. I punch Tae in the side. “What the fuck Tae? You’re such an asshole!” I say walking back towards my house. Tae follows behind me. “Oh, I’m the asshole. That kid is a fucking asshole, he seems like he can handle himself just fine. You saw how he egged me on.” “Leave him alone Tae, I’m warning you.” I shoot him a mom look. “Now get ready, we are doing a store run!” I shout heading up the stairs.

Tae and I drive over to the supermarket in our moms old Rav4. Dad fixed her up and gave it to Tae as a gift. “Why do you think Mrs. Mark’s didn’t tell me about this Yoongi kid?” Tae asks suddenly as we park. “Who gives a fuck Tae? She has other things to worry about. At least it gives you more time to focus on football and getting that scholarship. That is what’s important right now.” He doesn’t say anything as we walk into the market. We walk around and fill our cart with the essentials for survival. “Tessa, Tae, hi!” Mrs. Mark’s appears and waves us over. Tae seems to straighten up. “Hey! How are you?” I ask. “We met Yoongi this morning.” Tae blurts out. “Oh, yes! I spoke with Tessa about Yoongi, and I have been meaning to talk with you as well Tae.” Just as she goes to explain further Yoongi appears with an arm full of things and loads them in the cart. “Oh! It’s my new friend, Yoongi!” Tae says brightly reaching his hand up for Yoongi to high five. Yoongi chuckles suspiciously but obliges. “Tae my friend. They have Mandu here. In the frozen section, I hear you are big fan.” Yoongi says with a smirk. Tae chuckles and looks over to Mrs. Mark’s. “Maybe I should come by during the week and clear the gutters. We can chat and what not.” Tae says to her. “Uh. Well, Yoongi has been a huge help already so, uh, maybe we can grab lunch and I can say thank you for helping me so much this summer.” Tae nods.

I can’t help but feel the tension rise up in Tae, twin senses. Just as I go to interject in their conversation, I can’t help but feel watchful eyes on me. I turn to see Yoongi staring in his famous pose, right hand holding his left arm. I make my way closer to him. “I’m sorry about what Tae said earlier. He can be a jerk sometimes. He means nothing by it though.” I whisper. He nods and looks me up and down. “So, Tessa, what’s your deal?” He teases. I can’t help but appear taken aback by his use of Tae’s line from earlier. Suddenly he bursts out laughing. I can’t help but join in, it’s the most emotion I’ve ever seen on his face. “We should hang out tomorrow. I can show you around town.” I blurt out. He composes himself and looks over at Tae. “Big brother won’t like that.” He points towards Tae. “I’m older actually, by two minutes, and fuck Tae. He’s not the boss of me.” He looks at me again stone faced. “Twins,” He nods, “I don’t know. I will text you.” “Fair enough.” I say. “Tae,” I interrupt his and Mrs. Mark’s conversation, “Let’s get home.” He nods clearly annoyed and we all go our separate ways. We drive back in silence.

After putting away groceries, I hit my laptop and start writing. I am off to a great start when I hear the faint sound of music from my window. I walk over to the other side of my room and sit at my vanity. I lean down into the window sill to try and see into Yoongi’s window. I can hear the music better and immediately know it’s coming from his piano. “You hear Picasso over there?” I hear Tae from my bedroom door. I lift my head slowly and shake my head. “You’re an idiot Tae. Good thing you don’t need a brain for football.” I respond. “What? You don’t seriously like that kid Tess? He’s a weirdo.” He says, plopping down on my bed. “Why,” I shrug, “He is just getting acclimated to a new everything, you on the other hand, are a fool who has no clue that Picasso was an artist not a pianist.” My phone vibrates. ‘Ok stalker. Tomorrow.’ The unsaved number says. I look over to Yoongi’s window to catch him waving at me and then walking away. “I need the Rav4 for tomorrow.” I blurt out. “Uh. Uh. I’m meeting Jin tomorrow.” He shakes his head. “Ok, so tell him to pick you up in the morning.” I argue. “What do you need it for?” He inquires. “Do I ask why you need the car Tae?” “It’s my fucking car!” He shouts. I scoff. Suddenly an idea pops into my head. “Mrs. Mark’s asked if I could take Yoongi out tomorrow. I feel bad but I guess I’ll have to tell her no.” I sigh. Tae’s expression changes. “Really? Sheesh. Alright Tess. Maybe she needs a break from that kid already.” “Maybe,” I reply, “So, you’ll lend it to me? Have Jin come get you?” “Yes, Tess. You can borrow my car but just a few hours.” “Yay!” I exclaim and hug him. “Gross. Pay me back by making dinner, how about that?” He shoves me away.

The following morning, I am up and ready early, trying to sneak pass my drunk father, who once again is passed out on the couch. I head into the kitchen and grab a couple bottles of water. I make my way to the door. “Where you headed girl?” My father grumbles, sitting up and rubbing his head. “I’m going out with friends.” I say. There’s a knock on the door and my heart drops. “I have to go.” I say to him. He doesn’t object and I run to the door. I slide out and see Yoongi standing on the porch. “I didn’t know you were coming over here. I would’ve come to get you.” I tell him. “It’s not proper for the lady to pick up the man.” He says. I laugh nervously. “Well, let’s just go.” I whisper and hurry over to Tae’s car. “Why do you whisper?” Yoongi asks, looking around. “No reason.” I jump into the driver seat and he into the passenger seat. “So, where are we going?” He asks. I nervously move the gear shift and hit the gas and we careen towards the house. “Woah, woah! STOP!” Yoongi yells as I quickly hit the brakes. “Sorry.” I say and move the shift into reverse. “Do you know how to drive? Is this your first time?” He questions. He is in full panic mode, still bracing himself in his seat. “Like riding a bike.” I smile as we speed off. Yoongi eases now but side-eyes me the whole time. “So, tell me about yourself? You must miss your mom and dad?” I poke, curious as to his personal life. “I call my mom one time every week. To check in.” He replies. He opens his window slightly and the rush of wind blows his hair around.

“Only once a week. That isn’t a lot. She must be worried. New country, different language. New people.” I’m really prying. “No. She is a busy woman. I am getting older. She wants me to get a good education.” He states plainly. “How about you? Tell me about you. Most popular girl.” He quickly shifts the focus. “Well, I grew up here. It’s me, Tae and my dad. My mom passed away a year ago. It has been hard, but we get by. My dad owns the car shop in town. Tae is going for a football scholarship this year. He’s good, like really good. The school is whatever. Like most I’m sure. I think you’re gonna fit in just great honestly. It’ll be nice to get some fresh meat in this boring old town.” Yoongi doesn’t say anything. I continue. “I figure we can grab breakfast and walk around town. There are a bunch of cool spots to see and a shopping complex.” I look over to him and get nothing. “Earth to Yoongi. What’s going on in that big brain of yours?” I ask. “I am not so interesting,” He says, “Not much to tell. Not like you. So much insight.” “Look, if this is going to work, I am going to need a little more than clipped responses from you. I want to be friends. So, just be yourself. Tell me something no one knows.” I implore. “I like pancakes.” He says and I begin to worry that this may have been a terrible idea.

I grab a parking spot outside of Taylor’s Diner, a local spot in town that a lot of the school kids frequent. We grab a booth by the window and are given menus by Gladys, who’s been a waitress here since I was little girl. “Hiya Tessa. Who’s your friend?” She smiles at Yoongi, who gives her a small tight smile. “I’m Yoongi. Nice to meet you.” He says and I am shocked that he even responded. “Well, welcome Yoongi. It’s great to meet you. Any idea of what you’d like to eat or drink?” He looks down and then back at Gladys. “Iced coffee please and pancakes.” He closes his menu and hands it to her. “Perfect, and for you Tessa?” She looks at me. “Uh. I’ll have the same.” She nods, takes my menu, and heads off. “Wow, I think it’s the most you’ve spoken ever.” I say sarcastically. “It’s not polite to be rude to elders.” He says to me and looks out the window beside him. He swallows hard and begins to pull nervously at his ear. “What’s wrong?” I ask. “Big brother.” He replies. I look up and Tae and Jin enter the Diner. “Well, well, well. Tessa! You get more gorgeous every day I see you.” Jin says sliding into the booth beside me. Tae slides in next to Yoongi. “Jin meet Mandu, our next-door neighbor.” Tae laughs. He goes for a high five but Yoongi just ignores him this time. “Why don’t you knuckle heads get lost?” I spit at Tae. “I had to check in on my girl.” Jin says, putting his arm around me. I shove him away. “Not even in your dreams.” “Hey Mandu, I better not find out your messing with my girl. Got it!” Yoongi doesn’t say anything. He just stares at Jin as if he could kill him with just his gaze. “Fuck off Jin! Tae!” I look at my brother. “Alright, alright. Let’s get out of here. You two have fun. Don’t fuck up my car Tess.” They get up and Jin points two fingers at his eyes and then one at Yoongi.

Yoongi whispers something. “What?” I ask him. “I said they are assholes.” I feel my face flush. This is not turning out well. “I’m sorry.” I say. “Why you are always sorry?” Yoongi utters. I am taken back by his comment. “Here you go.” Gladys says dropping our food and coffee off. I take a deep breath to keep from crying. “My brother isn’t….” I go to respond. “Yeah, he is,” Yoongi cuts me off, “Maybe you don’t know your brother the way you think you do.” He shoves his plate away from him and stares out of the window again. “I can’t eat unless you do. It’s rude.” I quip, trying to turn this breakfast around. “I guess you will starve.” He says to the window. “I am really trying Yoongi but you’re not making it easy.” “Oh no, imagine a world not made easy for the most popular girl. Such a tragedy.” He looks at me with red eyes and I can see he’s hurt. “We can just leave then if you want.” “No, someone made this for us so let’s eat. Celebrate friendship,” He cuts and shoves a huge piece of pancake in his mouth, “I love pancakes.” He says sarcastically with a hard swallow.

After paying the check and leaving the restaurant, I point over to the end of the road. “The shopping complex is that way.” I say. “We should get back.” Yoongi says, pointing to the car. “Uh. Ok.” We head to the car instead. This time I successfully get on the road without trouble. “I hope that we can do this again. I know today was rough but I would like to get to know you better.” I say to Yoongi. He just nods. “Thank you for breakfast. I owe you.” I pull into Mrs. Mark’s driveway and let Yoongi out. “See ya.” I say. He hops out and slams the door, walking into Mrs. Mark’s house. I pull out of her driveway and into my own. Once up in my room, I get on my laptop and facetime my friend Alice. “Hey girl! How’s your summer?” She exclaims when she answers. “Good. Getting a lot of writing in. Can you believe this is our last year?” “Oh my god! I can’t wait!” She says brushing her hair out of her face. “How’s Italy?” I ask. “Gorgeous girl. I met a man.” She giggles. “A man?” “His name is Arnand. He’s tall, dark, handsome, ugh, everything you read about in the books. He wants me to move here next summer and live with him.” I bust out laughing. “That sounds insane. How old is Mr. Everything?” I inquire. “38 but that’s not really old.” “Oh my god Alice! He is way too old for you! What will your mother say? She’s gonna freak out!” “No way! She will give me shit for a week and then ask how much he makes in a year, which is a lot by the way. He’s some hedge fund guy. Besides, I don’t have talent. I need a sugar daddy. I’m not smart like you or athletic like Tae and Jin. I have nothing lined up for after high school. This face is my money maker.” She circles her face with a finger. “Still its creepy and you can do anything you want. You just gotta focus on one thing.” I try to assure her. “Ha-ha. Yeah right Tess! Why have one thing when you can have them all?” She twirls around with her phone making me dizzy. Alice has always had her head in the clouds. “So, how’s the shit town?” She asks me. “Uh, same ole. Mrs. Mark’s got a foreign exchange student from Korea to move in with her. He starts this year at the school. She asked me to befriend him and show him around.” “Is he cute?” She asks and I immediately blush.  “I don’t know?” I reply. “Yeah, he’s cute. So, what’s the problem? Is it Jin?” “What no? Jin and I are over, and you know that. He’s just, I don’t know, weird. He hardly talks and when he does, he’s sarcastic and dry. I don’t know. He’s hard to read.” “I see, so Tess has met her match and she uncomfortable.” My eyes pop open at her accusation. “Oh Tessa, my baby, my bestie, my love. Just get over yourself. You miss out on so much because you’re so stuffy.” I scoff. “I am not stuffy.” “Oh yes you are! You think because you’re smart and beautiful, people should just fawn over you. That works for some like Kim Seokjin, but you are going to meet people with actual brain cells that are going to force you to do some of the work.” “Whatever.” “This is constructive criticism Tess. Don’t get all offended.” “I have to go.” I blurt out. “Okay, well don’t tell anyone about Arnand and give that foreign boy your number! Love you Tess.” I smile and disconnect the call.

I pull my phone out after thinking about what Alice has said. ‘You are a puzzle, but I am going to solve you.’ I think for a second too long and start to delete it. ‘Don’t forget, you owe me!’ Before I think too much, I send it. I look towards Yoongi’s window from my desk. My phone vibrates. ‘Stalker.’ I start laughing. I finally save the number in my phone. Maybe Alice is right. I am used to getting my way. Jin made things way too easy. Maybe what I need is a challenge. Welp Min Yoongi, challenge accepted.

[hypnodesires]

What if I hadn't waited?...

I often look back on my life, on all the crazy things I have done in the past that I know for a fact, I could never do at my age now (I'm making myself sound like I'm 80 but trust me I'm way younger than that)….  For me at least being a first-time mom took a lot out of my body and mind (along with the damn drama going on in my family is not helping), so I can't see myself getting it on in the back of a movie theater or a quickly while the family is in the next room or out in a park…. Fuuuuuck that shit, I have had my fun but in all that time I never told anyone about hypnosis or my love for it….. I can't even imagine what someone would have done to me if I had shared it with the wrong person… (keep in mind I lost my Vcard at age 14 freshmen year) and that guy played me for a fool… of course I fell into it, I didn't feel loved in my own home. Everything and anything that happen was always blamed on me… and all the house duty fell onto me as well, while my younger sister was clearly the favorite and got away with it all. I made lots of bad choices just because I wanted to be love, Not to mention the body-shaming my mom put me through that still effects me and my sister to this day….. being told no one would love me being as big that I was (keep in mind I was 150 compared to what I am now 223 lb or my biggest that I ever was 265 lb) but After falling for that fuckface with a small ass dick who played me, I knew then that I couldn't let it happen again.

I don't know what others would do if they went through what I did, the rest of my relationships following that event had to wait more than 6 months to get any action from me….. And for a teen girl or boy that shit was hard lol (I was a good ass tease though wink*). I wanted to know that the next person was into me as a person and not just wanting sex, I kept my true kinks to myself and if asked I would say "3sum, roleplay, etc" even in roleplay I would never bring up hypnosis, none of the men I was with ever mention it…… but if they had ooooo I was going to have a good time, I mean it was role play, why waste it right, not like they would know. After I dated fuckface, I dated a metalhead for 2 weeks… he left me only to date another girl the next day….. my only guess is that she was willing to put out the same day, in a way it just reinforced my mindset on making men wait (trust me, ladies, the payoff is glorious) but I know not everyone has the same will power but I have my weaken too, I am only human after all haha. I was single for a short time after that metalhead, where I soon became the target of a dirty (I mean never took showers) white guy, An old friend of mine told me he never took showers until he started to ask me out over and over. In high school, I would get there an hour before classes just so I could eat with my friends before school and one day he showed up along with some other guy who I thought was much cuter but was gay sadly, we'll call the gross guy Jim. I don't know what he saw in me that he just could not leave me alone, I had turned him down twice but I'm guessing he got some of my friends to get me to give him a chance….. How I wish I hadn't, this guy was so pushy about wanting to do stuff and my no's fell on deaf ears. Asking people to help him but my good friends stayed out of it (you could warn a bitch damn lol) inner thoughts, I was approached by two teachers at different times while I was with him. I was told by one that Jim would throw fits like a toddler in class and scream if things didn't go his way, they just wanted to make sure I was ok and he wasn't doing anything to me (not at that time) but after the second teacher confronted me about him, I was already seeing some signs….. he wanted to follow me into the girl locker room until a teacher kicked him out, he would run to my last class of the day just so he could walk home even though we lived in a different direction, the thing that creeped me out was when he called me while I was out at the movies with my friend but I never told him what movie I was in and 20 min into the movie I hear the theater door open all hard and when I turned there he was looking around to find me….. and he did. I found myself wanted to get away from him but I still stayed up until he moved away….. Well, even then I still stayed… I'm not proud of it but I was young and dumb plain and simple, I know that if I would have left him while he was still in the same city I would have ended up on the ID channel (google it if you don't know ). I can't even imagine what he would have tried to implant into my mind had I ever told him…. I shudder to think. I was in my senior year of high school and still with Jim, he would text me all day and once home I would hope on yahoo massager and we would talk the rest of the day…. But I met my main man that year in my second semester, we became friends through a mutual friend of ours, he knew I was with Jim but told my love I was single. In a way I'm glad he did that, I don't think I could of left Jim on my own. As time went on I knew my love had the feeling for me and so did I, I woke up on Feb 14, 05 at 5:00 am out of a deep sleep full of energy blurting out "he is going to ask me out today!" something in my gut was screaming at me that it was going down, I worked up the courage to break up with Jim….. yes on that same day…. I was scared… I called and prayed he wouldn't pick up…. I pulled a Mosby (how I met you mother reference) I left a brake up voice mail and before any more of you looks down on me, ANYONE and EVERYONE is allowed to break up with a CRAZY/UNSTABLE person over the phone that is the only exception that is appropriate and not to mention its much SAFER.  The day went on and I kept checking my phone surprised that he hadn't blown up my phone yet, my love asked to walk me home and he did. While we walked I kept checking my phone but not a word from Jim, we made it to my house and my love gave me some candies, a beautiful card with his feeling written down inside… at that moment I had forgotten all about Jim, forgotten my fear, my dread. Looking into the eyes of my love I felt safe & that I found someone who truly loved me, to this day I still can't fully explain how he made me feel in that moment all I know it was a beautiful feeling... All I know is that no one ever made me feel that way since. Of course, once he left and us being a couple now, I was on cloud nine…. It would be short-lived. Once I hopped onto yahoo messager I made sure to stay invisible as to not be seen, Jim was on and had already sent me a hello message… I was surprised he was so calm, surely he'd already heard my voice mail?…. I had sent it first thing in the morning but it was already 4 pm, I switch to online and asked him if he wasn't mad?  He said mad about what? I then told him I was sorry but my voice mail would tell him and I "log off"  1 min goes by and I got call after call from Jim. He left voicemails with each call he made and there was a pattern, first message he left was him crying "please Quinn pick up, I love you don't do this to me" next massage in a raging voice "I'll fucken kill you, pick up your phone you stupid bitch" next message "I'm going to kill myself plz Quinn PICK UP!" and start all over with the sobbing and begging for me to comeback…… I did pick up the phone after he left over 50 voicemails and told him "you need to stop, I can't do this anymore and you are scaring me…." Before I could continue Jim said, "please talk to my mom PLEASE!" I agree and while on the phone with her, I could hear Jim screams and his mom yells out to her husband "get the pills away from him! Jim, you need to stop!.... sweetie what going on?" I told her I was scared of her son and that I was no longer going to move up there with them, she understood and told me "you know that ring Jim gave you? it's my engagement ring, could you send it to me. I gladly agreed and asked her to mail me back some of my stuff Jim had taken from me and she did, though not all of them, I was happy he was no longer in my life. He did continue to call my cell, my sister cell, and my grandparent's house phone just to talk to me, until my dad picked up the phone and asked him to pass the phone to his dad which he did & that was the last time I heard from him over the phone, he did try a few months later but I never picked up… so I think he gave up.

I was with my love for 3 years until I ended it due to, growing apart and I didn't like being put down or made to feel bad just cuz I didn't want to do something. We met in 05, the same year that How I met your mother premiered, and got back together the same year the show ended in 2014. my reason for leaving him, to begin with, was the fact he got too comfortable just taking off and sayings things like "I guess they're not much for me here then, I'm all done here then" and he would just leave if I didn't put out for the night?! our break up was necessary for us to make the changes that ultimately made us stronger. I was a freak in the sheets it was his fucken loss, he knows that now and say he will never let me go. I know we did a bit of role-playing of my kink when we were first together, but he never took it seriously and I never made a big fuss about it…. but it was hot. Then I was with Kyo (it was my pet name to him because he didn't like his name) I was with him for a while and I fucked up…. WE both fucked up, meeting him online and being apart I had a relapse and slept with my love….. I know why would I sleep with him if I left him in the first place…… no one is perfect but I made it clear that this was NOT going to continue, I felt extreme guilt and told Kyo…. He forgave him as we still had not even met yet, but little did I know he was still talking to some women he had been seeing and fail to tell me he hadn't ended it with her….. but once he moved in with me it was over but something inside me was telling me to look through his laptop so I did, I found he still had photos of his ex... nude photos of her… including emails of him making it seem like he was still with her but he told me they broke it off and he deleted everything. From the start I should have known this wasn't going to work, we all make mistakes and I have defiantly learned from it. But as time went on Kyo discovered he was into cross-dressing with the help of my best friends, I encouraged him to be himself and that was the only time I saw him happy…. We would give him dresses, do his makeup, wax his whole body, and take him to the clubs to strut his stuff. At the end of the night, we'd go home and enjoy some sexy time and he loved being in his outfits while we got it on and I loved it as well…. With many outing that we have done, I decided to finally tell him about my kink…. Keep in mind I did what I could to get him off whatever he wanted I tried, he likes it when I would jack him off with my panties, blow jobs, and doing it while dressed up…. So when I brought it up, he was like "that weird" (really guy?!?! I'm weird! Get your bitch ass out of here with the panties jerking and cross-dressing) I was hurt…. I had welcomed all he wanted and never made any faces or made him feel bad about it cuz there is no need to kink shame, but he couldn't do the same for me? He barely gave it a try. More time went on and my love for him had faded away, I didn't feel loved by him…. I had done so much to make him feel welcome with all my friends and showed him how much I cared but I never felt like his #1, I felt like an afterthought with him… like I'll get to you when I can…. I knew that if we didn't last, his childhood friend would hop on that dick when I left him. He took it hard and called him mother to tell her everything….. we both made mistake but I'm sure I was made the main villain, Kyo kept telling me he wanted to try again and he still loved me but he was joining the marines. I had told him before he ever thought of joining that I could never be with someone who joins the marines/army/etc, etc… and I kept good on that but my best friend called him out on his bullshit about "loving me" as he had shown her photos of him at base camp but failed to remove the nudes photos of the girl I knew would take him once I was gone, my friend just told him "you love Quinn huh? You can cut the shit you have moved on, so stop acting as if you miss her".  From what I know he is married to her, she doesn't like his cross-dressing and won't sleep with him if he does dress up cuz it makes her feel "uncomfortable"…. He told me this on the last conversation we ever had, I could hear his sadness but I could hear him try to play it off like it wasn't hurting him or bothered him…. How could it not? For almost 4 years he had encouragement, support, and lots of love from a woman who fully accepted every part of him to a woman who thinks it's weird…. How the tables have turned.

I didn't stay single for long as I reconnected with my love and soon started dating again, since we last were together  we sure did a lot of growth in that time apart. It made us even stronger, I honestly can't see myself with anyone else (maybe Johnny depp lol) a girl can dream right hahaha I can feel my love's eyes rolling back hahaha. When I first told him about my love for hypnosis his reaction was the best, with a calm loving look he says "oh that's new" since then we have had our fun with it, even tho its more for me then it is for him. he is coming around to it so that makes me happy. 

i’m happy with how thing have been going on in our sexy time department, getting our kinks out and what not. i’m just glad i don’t have to worry about someone fucking up my mind, its mine! ya i want someone to play with it and get freaky with it but at the end of the day i’m still me! and not with abuser or crazy person. so watch your mind ladies and gentlemen not everyone is going to care for you so choose wisely we only have one mind, so dont loss it!

[moonlitwings1]

Movie Night

Fridays were movie nights at the Hargrove’s. It was a thing that Susan insisted on in order to bond as a family or whatever. It was stupid. No one actually watched the movies. At least he never did. Susan always chose shitty movies and he was forced to sit through it otherwise his dad would teach him a lesson about how he had to respect “family time.”

But this Friday? They were gone. Neil and Susan were off to wherever the fuck they went this time. A “business meeting” they said. Sure. Whatever. He doesn’t care. He’s just glad that he’s got the house to himself for the weekend. Well, mostly to himself. Max was still here. But that wasn’t much of a problem since they mostly just kept to themselves when shit like this happened. 

He had it all planned for the day: lift, drink, and sleep. Maybe even read a little. With his dad gone, he doesn’t have to worry about being criticized for reading like a fucking girl. 

He had just started getting his weights set up when he saw movement from the corner of his eye. 

“The hell you want, Max?” he asked, spinning around to face her. 

She jumped a little, probably didn’t expect him to call her out . She’s not as sneaky as she thinks she is. 

“Are we going to watch a movie tonight?” she asked almost nervously. He wasn’t surprised by that. He’s hardly ever nice to her. 

Billy scoffed, “Our parents aren’t home.”

“Yeah, but it’s Friday.”

“So?”

“So, it’s movie night.”

“I’m not watching a fucking “family-friendly” movie with you.”

“We don’t have to, you know,” she replied. “They’re not here.”

“Well, The movies I watch aren’t for little girls like you.”

“That’s stupid. I’m not little,” she huffed. “And I can handle it.”

“Either way, I’m not sitting down and watching a movie with you like we’re family ‘cause we’re not.”

She glares at him. Hard. “Whatever, asshole.

He watches her spin around on her heels and waits until he hears her door slam shut before continuing to lift his weights. Fuck her. He doesn’t know why she’s being so dramatic about this. He can’t remember the last time they ever voluntarily did anything together. They don’t have that kind of relationship, and he doesn’t understand why she’s trying to change it. He’s perfectly fine having a closed off relationship with her. Mostly. 

He’s only slightly flattered that she would even want to watch a movie with him. Only a little bit. Looking back at it now, maybe it was a shit move to be such a jerk to her when she just wanted to hang out with him.  But for now, he’s just going to focus on lifting. He’s got a rep to keep. 

--------

Billy was in the middle of a nice long dream (that may or may not have consisted of him and Harrington making out) when he was rudely interrupted with loud screeching that seemed to be coming from their TV. 

When he walked out, he saw Max casually watching Jason Voorhees slashing people up in his ski mask. 

"The hell are you watching?”

“...It’s rated R.”

“Yeah, I can fucking tell,” he said, plopping down onto the seat next to her. He could feel Max side-eyeing him, and when he turned to look at her, she had a ghost of a smile on her lips. 

“Why are you watching this?”

“Because it’s movie night and I don’t want to watch family-friendly movies either.”

“Well, you shouldn’t be watching this. You’re too young.”

“I’m fourteen, Billy. When you were fourteen, I bet you watched worse stuff than this.”

Billy snorted. What was that supposed to mean.

“You don’t even want to watch this, Max.”

“Yes I do.”

He turned to look at her. She was hiding behind a pillow for God’s sake. How obvious does she have to make it?

“You’re literally hiding behind a fucking pillow.”

“I’m not hiding! I’m just resting my head on it!”

He hummed. “Right.”

They sat like that for about 10 minutes when he noticed Max acting weird. He looked over and saw that she was sitting there with her eyes clamped shut behind her pillow. 

“Max, if you’re not even watching it, change it. I don’t give a shit.”

"I am watching it!” she huffed, throwing the pillow she was holding right at his face. 

“Just admit it,” he replied, chucking the pillow right back at her. “You’re scared.”

“I’m not-”

“I know you’re scared. Don’t try and lie. Just change it. I don’t care.” 

He honestly doesn’t. He’s already watched Friday the 13th so it wasn’t like he was going to miss out on much anyway. Plus, he doesn’t like the idea of Max trying to impress him or whatever by watching R rated shit. He’d get in trouble with Neil if Max ever told her mom about this. 

“I’m not scared, I just don’t like blood spurting everywhere. It’s gross.”

“Well then change it.”

“There’s nothing else you’d wanna watch.”

“The hell are you making this about me for? Put on something that you’ll actually watch,” he said laying back and bringing his foot up to nudge Max in the thigh. “Didn’t your mom rent you Alice in Wonderland?”

She sighed. “Yeah, but you’re not going to watch it with me.”

“The hell you want me to watch it for?”

There was a brief pause and Billy nudged at her again to get her to answer the question. 

“’Cause otherwise it’s lonely,” she mumbled, avoiding eye-contact.

Billy couldn’t help himself. He laughed. So THATs why she’s been bugging him about it. “Aw Max. How cute. I’m so flattered.”

He barely dodged the pillow she threw at his head.

“Shut up, dickface!” she said chucking the pillow at his face again. 

“Hey! I’ll watch it with you, but the next time you throw this pillow at me, I’m gonna smother you with it.”

He could hear her mutter a whatever under her breath but he let it slide since she was grinning at him. It occurred to him that he can’t remember the last time she’s ever smiled at him like that. 

“You have to promise you won’t fall asleep, though.”

He snorted. “Maxine, I guarantee that you’ll fall asleep before I do.”

“Last time we watched a movie, you snored the entire time!”

Ok maybe he falls asleep during all the movies, but she should be grateful that he’s even staying around for her.

“Screw you. Just turn the fucking movie on before I leave.”

“I need to find the tape!” she said, running out of the room. “Can you make popcorn while I look for it?”

She disappeared before he could reply back with a firm no. Oh well. 

He got up off of the couch and told himself that he’s only listening to her because he was in the mood for popcorn anyways.

Once they settled on the couch with an excessively large amount of popcorn between them, Max started the movie.

Billy could only imagine how domestic they look right now. It was...unusual, but nice. 

Guess they were a sort of family.