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myokk · 10 months ago

Text

before it felt like a sin, ch. 2

ch.1

pairing: Sebastian Sallow x f!MC

word count: 6900

summary: Eloise never wanted to be different.

And yet, her differences are what have defined her life up until this point: growing up as a squib in one of the most prominent wizarding families, being exiled to muggle society, and then attending Hogwarts at the age of sixteen.

She finds herself thrust into the life she should have been prepared for from birth but was denied. As she navigates this new life and her new precarious position in her family, she must come to terms with the fact that maybe what she dreamed of her whole life isn't turning out how she ever expected it would.

a/n: here's chapter 2!! I just wanted to add these amazing beautiful drawings I look back on allllllll the time, by @kay9leo 🥹🫶 I LOVE YOU SO MUCH !!!!! 😙💓😙💓😙💓

I also want to reiterate that this fic is REALLY CANON DIVERGENT!!!!! I will NOT be following the game’s plot at all really with this (it really starts to diverge around chapter 6/7 maybe I don’t remember), and I don’t see Eloise as the game’s MC either.

Things were definitely not going as planned…not that Eloise had really known what to expect. Almost from the moment the portkey had brought her to meet Professor Fig, it seemed like everything had gone from bad to worse.

And it had all started out so well. He had handed her the provisional wand, and upon contact the magic coursing through her had been exhilarating. Finally Eloise was able to experience what she had dreamed of for so long. All too soon, however, she was putting the wand to use in ways she hadn’t imagined. Watching Mr. Ospric die had made her blood run cold but then she didn’t have the luxury of processing the shock as so much was happening at once and there was a dragon and death and then…another portkey? Before she knew it, she was fighting some sort of sentient guardians in some mysterious Gringott’s vault and there was concrete proof of the goblin uprising…it was simply too much to take in at once.

Now, she was standing in front of the ornate entrance to a room Professor Fig had called the “Great Hall”. He checked the pocketwatch inside his robes again, and muttered (more to himself than anything) “hopefully the sorting is still going on…” and then in a louder voice as he glanced at Eloise - “come along then, young Eloise!”

He peered more closely at her then, taking in her pale appearance and added in a kinder tone, “I’m sure you’re hungry. We’ll just head in and get you sorted into your house, and then an early night for the both of us. Don’t worry about the things that were lost in the attack - I’m sure one of your new housemates will share her things with you until they are replaced.”

With that, he pushed open the doors and ushered her in. In any normal circumstances, Eloise was sure that she would have been absolutely in awe of the breathtaking appearance that greeted her. It was simply…for lack of a better word, magical. The ceiling was enchanted to look like the night sky above the castle, stars glimmering through the wispy purple clouds that covered the ceiling. There were thousands of candles floating in the air, illuminating the hall in a soft, golden light.

She couldn’t focus on any of that.

As soon as Fig opened the double doors, the low chatter that filled the Great Hall slowly faded as everyone turned to look at who had entered. Eloise froze. Hundreds of faces all staring at her, filled with curiosity.

Judging her.

They must all know that she was a squib and didn’t actually belong there.

No. She had proved her magical capabilities earlier that day, albeit in a different manner than she had expected. She deserved to be here just as much as they did.

The teacher at the far end of the hall was saying something and the students surrounding her had begun to whisper amongst themselves. There was so much buzzing in her ears that she didn’t hear a word that was said. Then, a familiar voice - how in the world could it still be familiar after so much time? - broke through the fog and her head turned sharply to the side at the noise.

“Eloise?”

Her gaze met familiar hazel eyes as Leo quickly stood up, taking a step towards her before he caught himself and stayed where he was. If the shock hadn’t already been apparent enough in his voice, one look at his expression told Eloise everything. He hadn’t had any idea that she had been accepted to Hogwarts. After she had been burned off of the family tree by her mother, it was like she didn’t exist anymore. Of course he hadn’t known that she would be there.

Leo had changed since Eloise last saw him. Of course he did, she thought to herself. It had been five years, after all. The same unruly black curls, same eyes. And yet…he almost seemed a stranger to her. He was taller, face more angular and defined than it had been at thirteen. Voice deeper. But, the expression of vulnerability and guilt written all over his face was something she recognized well. It was the same expression that he had had the last time he saw her, the face she sometimes saw before falling asleep. Just as quickly as it flashed across his face however, it was gone, hidden behind a stony exterior. His expression hardened and he sat down just as quickly as he had stood up, quickly averting his eyes. The people around him were looking between them curiously, but before Eloise could even begin to process this new situation, she felt a gentle push on her shoulder.

Professor Fig had been talking to her. “…the Sorting Hat. You need to go up and get sorted into your house.”

She looked up at him and realized that he was gesturing to the front of the Great Hall, vaguely recalling how Leo had described the sorting ceremony in his first letter home from Hogwarts. Everyone was still staring.

Well, let them, she thought. Eloise tossed her braid over her shoulder and lifted her head high, straightening her posture in the meantime. Did it matter if everyone was staring at her? She determined that if people were going to be whispering about her, speculating about her, she would give them something to talk about. About the girl who was admitted in her fifth-year at Hogwarts. The girl who surpassed them all.

Eloise shook off Professor Fig’s hand and walked to the raised platform, where there was a stool and a professor waiting with an ancient wizarding hat in her hands. As Eloise sat down, a semicircle of professors behind her and the tables of students in front of her, the hat was placed on top of her head. It was so formless and well-worn that the faded fabric slid over her eyes and she was surrounded by darkness.

Hmm…interesting, a voice purred in her mind. Eloise jumped at the sound. Don’t worry, dear. I won’t hurt you, although I suppose that not everyone would say that. My, my. You have had a rough go of things, haven’t you?

It’s not often I get to sort a new fifth-year student. She realized that it was the hat talking to her. Always much more interesting, you see. The first-years are always fun because I get to see their potential and who they will turn out to be, but even that can be fallible sometimes. People are shaped by their experiences.

An older student, though? Someone closer to the person they will be, with more experiences that have shaped them? Oh yes, these are the ones I like the most.

Wait, thought Eloise. You’ve sorted others like me before?

Oh yes. A pause. The voice purred in her ear. I can see the hunger for knowledge in you. But…Ravenclaw seems too simplistic. Behind the intelligence lies great ambition. A desire to prove yourself. Prove you belong. Yes, you may have had a rough life but you have managed to use what’s around you to your advantage. So, you must be a…

“SLYTHERIN!”

Eloise started at the sudden shout, realizing that it must have been out loud. As the hat was pulled off of her head, she could see the students at the table at the far end of the hall, the one Leo was at, break into furious whispers amongst each other. The teacher with her smiled kindly and pointed Eloise in their direction. “That’s the Slytherin table, dear. Once you sit down, we can begin eating.”

Eloise got up numbly and slowly walked towards the table. The whispering got louder as she neared it, and the students kept shooting her glances. Most seemed simply curious about the new, older student who had just been sorted into Slytherin, but others looked at her with hostility. Two students moved aside and motioned to her.

“Figured you would rather sit with us than the first years.”

The girl who spoke gave her an appraising look, taking in her muggle clothing and mussed-up hair. Eloise sat down next to her, nervously smoothing her hands over her skirt. Now that the sorting was over and she was actually interacting with her future classmates, she felt exhausted and completely unable to keep up her facade of nonchalance.

“I was going to ask if you like quidditch but…judging by your clothes -“

“Gods, Imelda,” came a drawling voice to Eloise’s left. “Can’t you give the poor girl a break? Not even one second at our table and you’re already trying to recruit her for the team.”

The boy who spoke gave an amused look to Imelda before turning to Eloise. “You’ll want to watch out for that one - if she even gets a whiff of the fact you can fly a broom, she’ll be out to recruit -“

“It’s not my fault!” Imelda interrupted forcefully, smacking her hands on the table and leaning over Eloise to talk to him. “Our best players all graduated last year and I have it cut out for me -“

“- you to the Slytherin team,” the boy concluded, ignoring Imelda’s heated protests. She sat back with a huff and crossed her arms. “Just ignore her. It’s what we’ve found works best. I’m Sebastian Sallow and this is Ominis Gaunt. Two people you will actually want to spend time with.”

He stuck his tongue out at Imelda as he held his hand out to Eloise. The boy across from them snickered quietly to himself as he listened to Imelda splutter in denial. Eloise shook Sebastian’s hand hesitantly. “Eloise. And actually,” she added, turning to Imelda, “I do know what quidditch is. Unfortunately, I’ve never ridden a broom though.”

That got Imelda going again, this time about how it was absolutely impossible that someone could know about the existence of quidditch without ever touching a broom. She seemed to be of the opinion that knowing of its existence meant an undying desire to learn how to play. “So you’re not a mudblood, then? Oh, who am I kidding - of course you’re not. We’re in Slytherin, after all. But how…”

Fortunately, food started appearing on the table before Imelda could finish her thought. It was enough to move her attention from Eloise as she began to pile different foods on her plate. To be quite honest, Eloise was relieved. She wasn’t sure how much she wanted to tell others about her circumstances, especially during this first night before she knew anyone. Would they think differently of her if they knew that she had been disowned from her family and presumed a squib?

Who was she kidding? Of course everyone would judge her for that. Besides, she knew she wanted to talk to Leo before revealing anything - maybe he could help her get a feel for how to approach the situation. If he wanted to even associate with her, that is. Once again, the thought passed through her mind that he could have changed through the years, just as she had. Their parents could be quite persuasive, and more often than not the two siblings had learned that it was easier to go along with them than against.

Leo had grown up with the adoration of their parents, showing magical prowess at the young age of three, when his favorite toys started following him around in a little parade. Eloise, on the other hand…as the years passed and she still wasn’t showing signs of anything at all, not even a measly show of a sneeze blowing her away, their parents started working to distance the siblings from each other. It hadn’t been very effective and yet…without her presence, she could see him moving on in his life. Just as she had tried to do.

A sharp poke to her side. Eloise jumped and looked at Sebastian. “Aren’t you going to eat anything? You need to grab the good things before they’re gone - it’s every man out for himself during the feasts.”

She looked around and, sure enough, the food on the plates was steadily going down. It all looked absolutely delicious - mountains of meat, bread, puddings…her stomach growled loudly as she took it all in. Eloise hurriedly started putting the closest food to her on her plate, reaching over to give herself a heaping serving of mashed potatoes on the side. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” he replied after swallowing the food he was eating. “I’m sure you’ve had a long day if you arrived that late to the sorting ceremony. As you walked up to the stool, Ominis and I had a bet about which house you would be sorted into. I told him, after my first glance at you, that I could tell you’d be one of us, but unfortunately, he - “

“Hey! I can hear you,” Ominis said from across the table, leaning forward slightly. Eloise realized that he was blind - his eyes had no pupils at all. His gaze was unfocused but his head turned in her direction. He explained, “I could only sense your form as you walked down the Hall. And, for the record, before Sebastian can say otherwise, I said I could tell you would be a Slytherin. Will the blind jokes ever get old?”

“As long as I have breath in my body - hey!”

Ominis had thrown a roll at Sebastian’s head which, surprisingly, hit its mark.

“I might not be able to see what just happened, but I know that I’ve just won,” Ominis said smugly, returning his attention to his plate.

Eloise just sat there, not really knowing how to react. This time, it was Imelda’s turn to say, “just ignore them. Luckily, we won’t need to see much more of them as the feast’s finishing up.” She wrinkled her nose in Sebastian’s direction, a gesture that was swiftly returned. Even though she had just met the three of them, Eloise couldn’t help but feel happy just listening to their back-and-forth. She did feel a twinge of…something, though, knowing that she could have been with them since their first year, if only her magic had shown itself sooner.

Mountains of dessert started to replace the remnants of the dinner: plum pudding, lemon tarts, cakes…it was more dessert in one place than Eloise had ever seen in her life. None of the students held back at all trying to get their favorites, especially if it was at the expense of another. The atmosphere was electric - everyone was excited to be back among their friends and catch up over everything that had happened the summer before, and Eloise was happy to just be among them.

She reached for a lemon tart, and when she looked up, she saw that Leo was staring at her intently. He looked away as soon as they made eye contact, but the moment didn’t go past Imelda’s notice.

“Do you know him?” she asked, nodding towards Leo. Eloise flushed and looked down at her plate, nodding reluctantly. She knew as soon as they went through role call the next day, everyone would know that she was a Babbit.

“Yes, he’s…er -“

Eloise broke off, grabbing the nearest goblet of pumpkin juice and drinking the whole thing in one go. When she came up for air, Imelda was still looking at her expectantly. Eloise took a deep breath and tried continuing, but… “I’m not really sure,” is all that came out of her mouth.

Imelda furrowed her brow, clearly trying to figure out how that answer made sense and Eloise wasn’t about to clarify for her. Although it wouldn’t be long before it got out that they were siblings, she wasn’t sure how much she wanted these new acquaintances to know about her at the moment. She had had enough pitying looks to last her a lifetime, and she just knew that once they found out she had been a squib��

“Hey Sebastian,” a pretty blonde girl said, leaning towards the group. She shot Eloise a curious glance but quickly looked back at her target. “Where’s Anne? Is she still gone this year? What a pity…the two of you are…were…sewn together at the hip and I was looking forward to finally being the one who gets between the two of you this year.” At this, the girls surrounding her started tittering and she flipped her hair over her shoulder and pouted. “I thought there would be more of a challenge. But if you’re going to be the changed Sebastian again this year…”

“Who’s…” Eloise trailed off as she saw Sebastian’s expression. It had changed into something almost unrecognizable - at least, to someone who had only known him for all of forty-five minutes. He was looking at the girl with a mixture of barely-controlled fury and…something else that Eloise couldn’t quite place. She shrank away from him as she took in his stricken expression.

“She’s still sick,” he said shortly as he stood up. His hands bunched into tight fists and his body was shaking. Sebastian quickly turned and stormed down the hall. They all watched him go in silence; once he left, the blonde girl turned to Ominis.

“Gods, what’s his problem? So what if she misses a few days of school?” She looked around at everyone, pouting. “You all know I’m right. Last year he was a mess but he should be getting over it by now.”

“You always speak before thinking, Victoria,” Ominis said tersely, getting up. “One of these days, it’s going to get you in trouble. If you keep this up, when that happens nobody will be around to help you pick up the pieces.” With that, he strode away after Sebastian.

Eloise blinked and looked around. The rest of the students were starting to get up and slowly move towards their respective common rooms having finished their dessert, and the prefects were starting to herd the first-years along. Victoria laughed weakly and turned to her friends, effectively ignoring Eloise and Imelda as if they weren’t there. “I think the summer holidays have made people extra sensitive this year. I honestly don’t know what their problem is.”

“Come on, then,” said Imelda, shooting Victoria a dirty look. “Let’s head to the dorms.”

Eloise stood up and started following Imelda’s lead. She was parting the students with ease as she walked through the crowd. Her strides were so long that Eloise had to half-jog to keep up with her. “Our common room is in the dungeons,” Imelda said, looking over her shoulder at Eloise. “The other houses are creeped out by it, but they haven’t actually seen it. You’ll see.”

Because of how quickly Imelda strode through the corridors and down the stairs, Eloise didn’t have much time to take in the rest of the castle. She did however realize that they were winding through the corridors in such a way that she would be hopelessly lost if Imelda weren’t with her. The two of them arrived at the Slytherin common room well before the other students due to Imelda’s fast pace. As they entered the common room after saying the correct password - basilisk - Eloise couldn’t help but look around in wonder. There was light piano music playing in the background - Chopin, Eloise thought she recognized it from her piano lessons at the muggle school. Even though the overall tones of the place were cool - blues and greens filtering through the tall glass windows and from the lamps, the checkered marble floors and columns giving off an air of cold elegance - the beautiful rugs and happily crackling fires made it all come together and seem oddly cozy. Various tables and desks were scattered around the space, and comfortable looking armchairs and couches crowded around low tables. Eloise could just picture it teeming with students studying after class or hanging out on the weekends. She knew that it was a place that could finally feel like home to her.

“I tried, Ominis,” came a hushed whisper from near the windows. Imelda and Eloise froze at the entrance to the common room and glanced at each other. “I just can’t do it. I know what you and Anne told me but…”

“Sebastian. Anne doesn’t want you to wallow and waste your time here worrying about her. I know that you’re worried for her. I mean, I am too. You know she’s like a sister to me.”

“You have no idea,” Sebastian interrupted fiercely. His back was hunched over and he was holding his face in his hands. “It should have been me. I can’t live with myself. With this guilt.”

“No, you -“ Ominis cut himself off as the sound of the other students filtering in started to fill the room. The boys abruptly sat up straighter, although they didn’t look at each other. Oblivious to the tension between the two, a group of second-years sat on the sofa right next to them, as they excitedly caught up with each other.

“I’ll show you our room,” Imelda said, turning to Eloise. “It gets pretty crazy here the first night back from any holidays, with everyone catching up. I don’t know about you, but I want to get some sleep! Quidditch tryouts are next week and I already know how exhausting it will be.”

Eloise really was exhausted, and nothing sounded better to her than finally going to sleep. The dorms seemed to be set up so that the stairs going up led to the girls’ dormitories, and the ones going down to the boys’. Imelda explained that it was due to the fact that boys weren’t to be trusted, and the stairs would turn into a slide if any boy attempted to go up them. It wasn’t something that Eloise had even considered, due to the fact that she had just come from an all-girls school, but she flushed at the implication.

As they reached the staircase, they almost crashed into Sebastian. Imelda had been marching towards the stairs with a single-minded determination and Sebastian had been heading towards his with just as much purpose.

Eloise bounced off of his shoulder. She grabbed her own, wincing slightly. He was more solid than he looked. He looked blankly at the two girls before shaking his head and realizing where they were. “Gods, I’m so sorry. I’m just -“ he gave his head another little shake and saw that Eloise was holding her shoulder. “Are you hurt?”

“It’s fine,” Eloise reassured him. She gave a small smile. “I’ve had worse, it’s really nothing.”

“Yeah, yeah,” interrupted Imelda. She shot Sebastian a concerned look. “Go to bed. We’ll see you tomorrow.”

Imelda shook her head sadly and the girls resumed their path. “Poor boy. He hasn’t been the same since the summer after our third year. I mean, he was always kind of obsessive, but in a charming way. He was on the quidditch team with me, and always really determined to be the absolute best, always working hard to show all of the other students they don’t even know half as much as he does. That sort of thing, you know? It’s not like he was insufferable, his charm drew everyone to him.”

She held the door open and Eloise walked in. It was a cozy circular room, with five four-poster beds. A small fire in the middle of the room warmed the whole place up, and Eloise was relieved to see it. When Imelda had told her that their dormitory was in the dungeons, she had immediately pictured a dark, cold, slimy space. Only one of the beds didn’t have trunks placed at its foot, and Eloise went straight to it. Her trunk had been lost in the dragon attack. She was relieved to see a nightgown laid on top of the bed and a pair of green slippers neatly lined up on the floor; she hadn’t been sure what she would wear.

Imelda sat down heavily on the bed next to Eloise’s and started unlacing her boots. She continued talking. “Then, in our fourth year, he comes to school after summer holidays. Alone. He hasn’t been the same since. Nobody’s quite sure what’s going on with his sister, except that it’s bad. She’s not expected to live much longer.”

“Oh my god,” breathed Eloise. “I can’t even imagine.”

“Me neither.” Imelda shook her head. “He got into trouble left and right last year, there were even rumors of a duel…I don’t think there was a single week where he didn’t have detention. I mean, I don’t blame him, but - he was taken off the team! This year he better not, I can’t afford to lose my best beater again.”

The girls continued chattering quietly to themselves about other topics as they got ready for the night. Slipping into their nightgowns, braiding each others’ hair, and, finally, slipping under the freshly turned bed covers. Eloise turned towards Imelda and simply whispered, “thank you.” Although they had just met, Eloise felt certain in the knowledge that she had just made her first friend.

Imelda waved her off. “It’s nothing. Get some sleep, the first day of classes is always overwhelming. I can’t even imagine starting as a fifth-year.”

With that, she rolled over and soon Eloise heard her breathing deepen as she fell asleep. She stared at the canopy covering her bed for what seemed like an eternity. The low murmurs of the other girls as they came in and got ready for bed slowly morphed into drowsy good-nights, until finally the room was silent except for the steady tick of a clock and their breathing.

As tired as she felt, Eloise couldn’t stop the racing of her mind. It felt like the last few days had more action than the entirety of her life. Even though banished had, at the time, been incredibly momentous for her, it paled in comparison to finding out that she actually was a witch and had been admitted to Hogwarts. She had used magic for the first time today. The rush of power that ran through her body when she cast spells was unlike anything else she had ever experienced. It just felt right. Like some part of her that had been hidden away had finally made itself known and she felt whole for the first time. She wondered if everyone else felt that same rush, that same desire to know and master absolutely every aspect of magical knowledge. She had been given a gift that until now had felt like a pathetic little daydream and she wasn’t about to waste it now that she had it.

The clock kept on ticking lazily and still Eloise was awake. She eventually got up and after shrugging on a robe and slipping on the green slippers, headed towards the common room. She and Imelda hadn’t spent much time in it earlier, and she wanted to see it at least once without any people, maybe as a space just for herself.

As it was even later in the night - it must have been around three - the fire had been extinguished and the light filtering through the windows had turned an even deeper shade of emerald green. It covered the mahogany furniture with an eerie light, as if Eloise had stepped into some strange underworld instead of the empty Slytherin common room. She trailed her hand along the velvet back of a sofa, mesmerized by the stark contrast of the green highlights and black shadows as her hand moved. Lazily twirling a globe as she walked past, the room silent except for her muffled footsteps.

It was precisely the silence that absorbed her completely. Being alone had always been her favorite thing; there was just something so special about being the only person in a place, feeling as if you were the only holder of some great secret. Eloise made her way towards the tall glass windows as if in a dream, not really noticing anything of her surroundings and yet taking it all in. The feeling of being there.

When she heard the soft voice she nearly jumped out of her skin.

“You couldn’t sleep either?”

Eloise whirled towards the voice, feeling as if her heart was about to burst through her chest. The student - a male - was sitting by one of the windows. Since the only light source was the windows, his face was entirely shrouded in black. Eloise was suddenly very aware of how indecently she was dressed to be outside of her dormitory. The sudden change from complete, eerie tranquility was shattered and she wrapped her robe more tightly around her, keeping her arms hugged around her body.

“Who -“

The boy straightened up, tilting his head back toward the window and, with the aid of the green light, Eloise saw that it was Ominis.

“What are you doing down here, Ominis? You almost gave me a heart attack! You’re sitting in the shadows and I thought I was alone.”

“I could ask the same of you,” he said simply, the hint of an amused smirk gracing his features. “And, might I add, I didn’t mean to scare you on purpose. I thought you were purposely walking towards me. For all I know, it could be the break of dawn and I’m basking in the early rays of the sun.”

Eloise’s jaw dropped open in mortification. She had completely forgotten that he was blind. “How did you know that I was walking towards you?” She clapped her hands over her mouth in horror, the words leaving before she could stop them. What was wrong with her? With her sudden movement, her robes had fallen open again, revealing her nightgown, but she was too distraught over possibly having offended Ominis than continuing to follow the rules of propriety. “Oh Merlin’s beard, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…”

He just huffed quietly. They hadn’t spoken much at dinner, and Eloise was positive that he was angry with her. Maybe he had only acknowledged her presence because his best friend had seen fit to talk with her. Growing up blind, it would make sense for him to be sensitive to any comments regarding it…her face was flushed with mortification and guilt, and she slowly started backing away. Eloise figured it was better to just end the whole encounter being ruder still by making a hasty retreat, than to put her foot in her mouth once again and risk offending him more.

“No, wait,” Ominis said as soon as he realized she was walking away. His voice was choked with emotion and it seemed difficult for him to get the words out. Eloise froze and looked at him. His whole body was shaking, and she couldn’t tell if he was angry or…

Was he laughing?

“I might be blind, but I’m not deaf. In this silence, I would have been able to notice if anyone had entered the room even if they were trying to be sneaky, which you certainly were not. Stay, if you want.”

Eloise hesitated, then took the seat across from Ominis in the window. She nervously smoothed her nightgown over her legs. “Just so you know, you’re completely in shadow. If you hadn’t said anything, I probably would have walked right past you without realizing that you were here too.”

“I’ll choose a better spot to sit next time then, when I can’t fall asleep in the middle of the night,” he replied seriously. If not for the fact that he had just been teasing her, she would have thought that he was really taking what she said into consideration. “You never answered my original question. You can’t sleep?”

Eloise shook her head, then quickly added, “no. So much has happened these last few days…my brain always has a hard time turning off. Especially after a day like today.”

Ominis hummed in understanding, tilting his head towards her. The green light filtering through the water danced over his gaunt features, making his cheekbones and the dark circles under his eyes more prominent. His pupil-less eyes glowed eerily in the light. “I can only imagine. You arrived late to the sorting, and your aura was very unnerving as you stepped into the Great Hall. I immediately knew something was extraordinary about you.”

“My…aura?”

“Yes. I might not be able to see, but my wand does it for me. It’s hard to explain but…I can sense the people around me. I can’t make out features, but everyone has their own unique aura radiating from them. Yours is…different.”

Different? It must have something to do with the fact she hadn’t had any magical ability until recently. Maybe it was stunted or…maybe her aura was different due to the stress of the day.

“I saw someone murdered in front of me today,” Eloise blurted out before she could stop herself. Ominis didn’t look surprised by her sudden outburst, he merely remained still as he waited for Eloise to continue. “It was…shocking. A dragon came out of nowhere and just ripped our carriage in half, taking Mr. Osric with it. The worst part is…I’m-I’m shocked because it happened. But I’m not sad. I don’t feel the horror I think I should be feeling, and that is more horrifying to me. When I was lying in bed, the events of today kept replaying in my mind on a loop and I kept on trying to make myself feel the correct emotions. But I couldn’t. Something inside of me is broken.”

Eloise looked down at her hands, fingers wringing and untwisting together in her lap. She tried to force herself to sit as still as Ominis, but it was impossible. She couldn’t believe how easy it was to unload all of this onto a stranger, but he didn’t seem to mind listening. There was silence for a few minutes, but it wasn’t an uncomfortable one. Eloise peeked at Ominis from under her lashes. The boy appeared to be deep in thought.

“I couldn’t sleep either,” he finally said. “It’s normal for me, though. I also have a hard time turning off my thoughts, especially at night. This little corner of the common room feels like mine, in a sense. I’ve been coming here to think since I was a first-year. Maybe I subconsciously chose this place because, if you’re right, it’s more hidden than the rest. Nobody will see me if they’re sneaking around late at night, and it’s so peaceful.”

“That I can agree with,” said Eloise. “I actually came down here to see what it was like when it’s empty. I don’t quite know how to explain it, but this place already feels like home to me. A far sight better than the place I left behind. Places.”

“If you want me to leave, I’m fine with giving up my hiding place for a worthy cause.”

“No,” Eloise said quickly. “I…I like having you here. With me. It means I don’t have to be alone with my thoughts.”

Ominis smiled and tilted his head, not quite looking at her in that odd way of his. “It’s nice, talking to you. Most people avoid me. I can’t imagine why.”

Eloise huffed in quiet laughter. They sat in silence for a while longer, until Ominis broke it again. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. But…am I correct in guessing that you and Leo Babbit know each other?”

Eloise’s breath hitched in her throat. She still wasn’t sure how much of her past she wanted people to know…but she also knew that as soon as the day broke the castle would be swirling with rumors. And, as much as she hated the thought, the truth would come out one way or another. She had been lucky enough so far…her name hadn’t been said at the sorting due to the unusual circumstances. But, come morning, everyone would put the pieces together once her name was called out by a teacher.

She could test the waters with someone like Ominis, who seemed like the sort of fellow who would take it in stride.

“I…like I said, you don’t have to tell me,” Ominis said softly.

“No! No, it’s fine,” Eloise assured him. “It’s…complicated. I would prefer if it never came out but…if the school I was at before is any indication, everyone will know by lunch tomorrow regardless of if I say anything or not.” She took a deep breath, steadying herself. “My full name is Eloise Babbit. Leo is my brother.”

Ominis showed no reaction. It gave her the strength to continue.

“I was rejected by my family. As the years went by and I still wasn’t showing any signs of magic, I was ignored by my parents in favor of Leo. When my eleventh year came and went without any acceptance letter to Hogwarts, I had to come to terms with the fact that I was actually a squib. Up until then, I had held onto the hope and the day I lost that, I lost everything. I was banished and burned off of the family tree, like I never existed. Until a few days ago, I was learning how to become a perfect muggle wife at one of their horrid finishing schools. My family had already prepared a marriage for me to a prominent muggle family, reasoning that I could at least give them important connections.” She spat that last word out. Even speaking the words was a bitter reminder of the life she had almost led. “Based on Leo’s reaction, he definitely didn’t know that I had been admitted to Hogwarts. I don’t even know what’s worse: if my parents knew and decided not to tell him, or if the fact that I was burned off the family tree means that they wouldn’t have received a notification.”

She stared at her hands again. What was it about this boy that made her want to unload everything to him? Yes, he had asked her about it, but she still felt guilty for talking to him at all. Like somehow, telling him would make it his problem as well.

“If there’s anyone in this school who understands the horrors of one’s family, it’s me,” he said. Eloise looked up at him in surprise. He chuckled quietly, as if he could see her expression. “My family are direct descendants of Salazar Slytherin. Absolutely stark-raving mad, pureblood fanatics. We’ve gotten quite reclusive in the past hundred years or so, and don’t have much contact with the outside world. Your family’s inbreeding resulted in fear of giving birth to a potential squib. Mine, in the form of a useless, blind son who has no interest in continuing their crazy beliefs. I guess you could say we are two kindred souls. Maybe that’s what your aura was trying to tell me earlier this evening.”

“I guess so,” Eloise replied. Both could tell that the other wasn’t saying everything on their mind, but she wanted to give him the same comfort he had offered her and decided not to pry. “Thank you, Ominis.”

He inclined his head towards her and then moved his unseeing gaze to the large stained glass window. They sat there for quite some time, at least it felt that way to Eloise. The passage of time seemed not to exist as she and Ominis sat there, deep inside their own thoughts. Formless shadows danced behind the window, their regular movements helping to calm her thoughts. After what seemed like an eternity, Eloise found herself stifling a yawn.

“It seems your day has finally caught up with you,” Ominis said, smiling softly. “I think it’s best if we head to bed. Hogwarts might be more progressive than the muggle school you’ve just escaped, but if anyone sees us here together it would just further the rumors already swirling around you.”

Eloise nodded her assent and stood up slowly. She hadn’t realized how much time they had spent there until she felt the stiffness in her muscles that only comes from remaining still for a very long time. Ominis also got up slowly, gracefully stretching out his long body in the process. As he stood, she saw him grab his wand out of his pocket, and it began glowing a faint red as he walked. That must be how he gets around, she thought to herself. He did say his wind has a mind of its own.

She followed him and they slowly made their way to the two sets of stairs leading to the dormitories. They paused once they were about to part. “Goodnight, Ominis.”

“Goodnight, Eloise. I’ll see you tomorrow. Or rather, I’ll sense your presence later on this morning.” He gave her a faint smile and then turned to head down the stairs leading to his dormitory. Eloise stood there, watching until she couldn’t see the red glow of his wand anymore. With a yawn, she turned towards her room and soon slipped under the covers, sleep finally coming. Before she fell asleep, she had only the fleeting realization that Ominis had not actually answered her question.

The title is a link to everything on ao3, but just in case you didn’t catch that, here it is🫶

next chapter

#let me know what you think about this chapter🥹🫶#I love the painting bc I hope it captures how Eloise was feeling….#she does NOT like being noticed #I’m about to go to the beach #and I hope I can swim😭 normally the sea where I live is pretty cold #but this summer is so warm that there are SO MANY JELLYFISH AND PORTUGUESE MAN O WARS😭😫😭😫😭😫#yesterday there I was swimming around like a fool bc I just do laps across the beach back and forth #and less than an hour later all of these jellyfish were being washed up on the shore😳#like you couldn’t even walk barely on the sand😳😳#I almost met my demise…..#in all honesty I suppose they would just sting and overall I might be fine #BUT THAT IS MY WORST FEAR……….#my city even created a special jellyfish flag to put up so that people know what they’re getting themselves into when they swim #but they never put it up until people start being stung😭😭#ok none of this was that interesting😆😆 but there you go #hogwarts legacy #hogwarts legacy fanart #hphl #hogwarts legacy oc #hogwarts legacy mc #eloise babbit #sebastian sallow #sebastian sallow x mc #hogwarts legacy fanfic #also this is probably the longest chapter #so hopefully it’s not too crazy and you actually read it💓💓💓

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yuseirra · 1 month ago

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I hope this series doesn’t get any more anime adaptations... I really don’t think it’s the kind of work that should be animated.

Since I draw a lot of fanart for this series and talk about it often, some people might think, “Oh, this person must really love and cherish this manga. They must be deeply attached to it.”

However, this is also how I feel about this work at this point in time. I think it lacks responsibility and insight in terms of the many things it handles, and thus, it shouldn't be given the spotlight and attention it'd been given. I don't think it deserves this high-quality anime adaptation, I'm afraid to see the later scenes in this manga get flashy animations and have it move about, even though it will contain my personal favorite arc. I don't have any expectations of this work to handle its subject material respectfully, because, well, look at what happened in the end. Not only is it objectively bad, it's going to hurt people because of how carelessly it handled things, and I don't want it to be spread around in a more approachable form. As much as I like some of the things it offers, I feel It's not a desirable thing to happen.

Of course, there are a few relationships or characters I do like. For example, I genuinely believe the protagonist’s parents were really happy together, and their relationship was very good. I think they were truly happy when they were together. And even if there were some misunderstandings between them, I don’t think either of them did anything particularly bad. That thing revealed at the very end — that’s the real truth. That’s why it was shown that way. It had to be brought up. I knew it would be.

I caught onto that the moment Fatal dropped, and I thought, “Ah, he’s probably not the culprit,” and that’s what drew me in!! I really guessed everything correctly. I figured out the truth before it was revealed.

Here’s the thing: surprisingly, if you look closely at how those two treat each other — their way of thinking, how they respond to one another — it’s all the kind of behavior that comes from truly treasuring someone. When you really analyze it, there’s almost no ill will between them. (Hikaru saying Ai had a cruel side — that’s just a fact. And Fatal is his song, and so, yes, he did say she hurt him <— but even that, from his point of view, is a perfectly understandable thing to say. The emotion behind it is something like: “You did hurt me, but even so, you were the only one who did something for me, even in that way. I really loved you. I miss you so much.” That’s pure, overwhelming love. He wouldn’t have hurt Ai — I’ve said this so many times already.)

So yes, I do like their dynamic and the way some characters were crafted. I can think of a lot of things between them.

And if my interpretation is correct, there were some mythological inspirations behind the setting. If so, that’s fresh, creative, and a sign of the author’s impressive imagination.

But if the author of this work were standing right in front of me, I would directly say, “I think there are more pros than cons if your work didn’t exist.” I’d look them straight in the eyes and say it. I know how cruel those words are. I write stories too, so I understand how precious a work can be to its author.

But it’s because I’ve analyzed and thought about it this much that I can say it.

If I hadn’t read this series, it would’ve spared me a lot of needless pain. I really think it went too far.

And yes, I’m calling it “needless” pain.

I can endure pain when it feels meaningful. I can even view it positively in that case.

But this work doesn’t offer meaningful insight to match the pain it causes.

What I really can’t forgive is the way the events unfold in the story — because I know these kinds of things actually happen in real life. If it were purely a fantasy story, I’d have said, “Ah, this author just enjoys writing stories like this. That’s fair,” and moved on.

But what happened to Ai — something very similar has actually happened in real life, maybe not in Japan, but in other countries. I’ve read about such cases. And I doubt it’s only one isolated incident.

For instance, there was a case where a crazed fan of a film director broke into the director’s home and murdered the family who happened to be there. So when the author incorporated something like that into the story, I thought they would treat it with the seriousness it deserves. I expected meaningful insight into such a tragedy. But instead, the plot just dragged on endlessly about whether the boyfriend was the culprit.

It dragged on and on — debating whether the boyfriend was a scumbag or not, what his true nature was, whether the twins would forgive him or not. And in the very last moment, when the boyfriend says, “I didn’t do anything,” there’s no real argument, no proper rebuttal, just vague nonsense. Then he is killed by the protagonist. Everything just fizzles out.

I understand what’s going on now. I understand what those characters are saying. But that's the very point I think the story should have made clear — it never did. And even if some readers managed to read into it that deeply, I don’t think it’s because the author intentionally led them there. Rather, it's the opposite. This author decides to deliberately hide things and accuse the public of "not caring". That's what they've built to happen. It’s not the reader’s fault at all if they don't have a clue.

At this point, what really frustrates and angers me is that the main characters are all caught up in whether or not to forgive their biological father, treating him like some ultimate enemy…

But from my perspective, the boyfriend was never the culprit in Ai’s case to begin with. So all that revenge stuff they go on and on about is actually completely detached from the real truth and from what the manga should have focused on. There’s no point in debating whether or not to forgive him. If anything, the boyfriend was one of the biggest victims, along with the twins, in the entire incident. He lost everything. He’s broken because of it. He longs to see the person who might have become his wife. He still loves her and misses her terribly.

If this manga wanted to say something about the entertainment industry, it shouldn’t have stayed at that shallow level. It should have addressed things on a social level, not just about “revenge killings by a boyfriend,” but about crimes against celebrities.

(And again — I’m telling you, the boyfriend is not the perpetrator of that incident. That’s what I realized — that “Ah! This story must be about something different!” — and that’s why I kept reading.)

But the manga didn’t do that. It didn’t clarify anything. It just ended, without saying anything for sure. And I can’t forgive that.

This manga, to be honest, doesn’t handle anything properly. It makes no clear statements. It’s irresponsible. It’s cruel. It’s horrifying. And it’s irresponsible.

To take real-life events — ones that have actually happened — and handle them so shallowly in a story that’s not even full fantasy… I think that’s deeply disrespectful.

And it didn’t have to be that way. If you dig deep, there are hidden layers. But the fact that it’s left this vague and this careless — that’s what puzzles me most. And if I’m being really honest, I can’t help but think maybe the author just wanted to show off. Like they were saying, “This is how the masses are,” from a smug, detached point of view. That thought keeps bothering me.

The story hides things away, blames the public, and ends on a cynical note like, “You all don’t really care, right?” And the reasoning behind that, I think, is just the author’s personal philosophy. It’s how they see people. That people don’t care. That people are cruel. That people like to tear others down and watch from the sidelines. That people aren’t interested in the truth. And sure, there’s some truth to that view. But it’s not exactly a balanced perspective. If you want to tell that kind of story, you should provide real-life examples or evidence to back up why you believe that. But this story is really lacking in that regard.

At its core, the author just seems to have a warped view of the world. I don’t know why they think this way — maybe they’ve experienced something themselves. But personally, I don’t think it’s a healthy or righteous worldview. And if you’re going to spread that kind of worldview through your manga, you should also present the insights or lessons to go with it. But this work doesn’t do that.

The creators know the real truth behind the story. And I know it too. I think I understand now what’s actually happening in this story. What really happened with the incidents in the plot. I felt that'd be important to make a proper judgment about this work, so I really, really tried.

That’s why I kept analyzing it so hard. Now that it’s been about half a year since it ended, I think I’ve figured it out.

But even the protagonists themselves don’t seem to care about that "truth" at all. Do they even know whether their dad is truly the culprit or not? Are they really aware of how everything played out while treating him like their mortal enemy? They didn't know how their parents actually dated. Nothing about that incident is brought clear within the entire series. And Hikaru himself later explains what's happened. His testimony makes perfect sense, I don't think there's any other way to properly explain how things played out besides the one he testified to near the end, like how he met Ryosuke and how he came to trust them, and how he would have reacted to Ai after the phone call and all that. I don’t think the twins actually know anything about their father. None of the characters in the story seems to truly know Kamiki.

Anyway, to create an anime is to amplify a story—giving it a voice, breathing life into it, and making it more accessible. But I say this firmly: there are countless other works far more deserving of that platform. If anyone's to receive an adaptation, I hope it's those works, not this one. Honestly, even the fact that it got a second season already feels like more than it deserves. I truly wish it hadn't. I wish it would just fade into obscurity, becoming significantly less accessible than it is now.

Because… for all the gravity of the themes it touches on, it fails to say anything with clarity. And that—shouldn’t be the case. The author gives off the impression of caring about some subjects, but when you look closely, it doesn't really feel like they are. They just say things like “this is bad,” “I hate that,” or “this is awful,” over and over—without offering anything beyond that. And even those statements are vague. What really seems to matter to the author is not conveying the seriousness of these issues, but keeping things wrapped in mystery and ambiguity and that's what they put more weight on.

Even as I say all this, I’ve drawn a lot of fanart for this piece... and contributed in my own way to the visibility of this work... I wouldn't recommend people to read this piece. I just want to bring out how sweet those two characters I like would and could have been because I do see those things in them. I think they are really the way I depict them as, after having analyzed them very thoroughly.

Of course, there are parts I like. The character designs are honestly well done.

But if you ask me whether the story or message of this work deserves to be spread widely—I don’t think it does.

Personally, I have no expectations. The way it ended, and the way it tried to convey its message—it didn’t say anything clearly, and watching it was a painful, almost horrific experience.

Many readers, I think, couldn’t fully grasp what happened, and that's what the author intended to happen.

From what I can tell, there are probably a great number of people who think Kamiki is just a bad guy, should be killed off, and Aqua should live happily with the girls. And I just can’t agree with that.

That’s why I don’t think this is something that should be adapted into an anime. Logically, the way the plot unfolds does make sense. The ending itself fits this story. Changing that would make the whole thing fall apart. So the plot, as is, should probably be left alone. But the issue, I think, is that the story never clearly states what it wants to say.

Aqua… he probably was fated to die. And Kamiki, if we’re talking about fate, was probably always meant to drown.

The one who wasn’t supposed to die, in terms of fate, was actually Ai. Everything spiraled out of control because she died. I get the feeling that Hikaru kept moving forward with this aching belief of “Ai should’ve lived—and I should’ve been the one to die instead.” Haha… No, really, it feels like Ai was the one who wasn’t meant to die.

They want to turn this into an anime? With this kind of content? That’s why I think—it really shouldn’t happen.

What exactly do they intend to do with this adaptation?

I just… I’d like to see Kamiki receive at least a somewhat fair evaluation. But I don’t think that’s going to happen. If this story is going to be portrayed through the medium of animation, then I think there are bound to be compromises—places where things get altered. And I don’t agree with anything that justifies or rationalizes what Aqua is doing, or makes his actions seem like the righteous path. Even if Aqua was just fulfilling a mission—like, okay, maybe you could argue it was inevitable or unavoidable—I still don’t think that makes it the right thing to do.

And on that front, I have no expectations either. I’ve tried, really, to bring in some insight, but the manga is just too malicious in tone. And honestly, I feel like that was intentional. I kept failing, kept getting frustrated. I tried to get people to view things objectively, to judge fairly—but the work itself is so one-sided that no matter what I say, it just doesn't get across. It’s exhausting. So now I’ve given up. I can’t bring myself to face this story again in an animated form. It's going to happen all over again. It’s too painful, this feeling that no matter what I say, it won’t reach out.

I don’t have any faith that this work will say anything with responsibility or clarity. I really, truly hope it doesn’t get an anime.

If this were a personal indie project, I think it would’ve been brilliant—refreshing, unique, even wonderful.

But a story with this kind of impact? I don’t think it should be in that position. If it’s going to reach that level of recognition, then it needs to carry a level of responsibility that matches. At the very least, it should have had a mature rating. But no—this is a series that gets stationery, merchandise, shelf space at bookstores. Even if we were to dissect it and find that, in the end, it was trying to say something meaningful… if the surface-level delivery is this horrific, then it’s just poor communication.

I don’t think there are that many people who’ve tried as hard as I have to analyze the author’s intentions or uncover what’s behind it all. And even I have to say: “For all it wanted to say, it was too cruel—and in the end, it didn’t actually say that much.” But I still believe that just a little more… and it could have. It could have said something.

The authors—they’re adults, right? I assume they have enough thought and philosophy developed by now. So if this is all they’ve chosen to put out, then maybe… maybe they meant to do it this way? Didn’t they?

It’s not the cruelty in itself that’s the problem. I’ve read works with far more graphic expression than this.

But I’ve never read something that felt so irresponsible in the way it inflicted pain.

I don’t think the creators are thoughtless people. I think it’s more accurate to say they chose not to go further. That they could have done more—but didn’t, for a reason.

If this work hadn’t become popular, I wouldn’t even have thought this hard about it. I would’ve just said, “Oh, this exists,” and moved on.

Another thing—but this story really is… so twisted.

If you read the mythology around Ame-no-Uzume, the goddess she’s based on—she’s bright, lively, bold, full of initiative, a little quirky, but utterly lovable.

She’s a goddess of entertainment, of joy and laughter.

And to take a goddess like that and create Ai from her… well, I do love Ai. She’s my favorite character in the story. But what I feel while reading this is—like I said before—this author creates characters, and then twists something in them. That twist usually takes the form of emotional repression, of being unable to open up, of suffering alone in silence.

Every major character in this story has that quality. Without exception. It’s honestly made me wonder if the author assumes that everyone must be like that—if they think that kind of suffering is universal, so they build every character around it.

Even the ending feels that way. Like the message is: People don’t really understand each other’s pain anyway. No one really cares about the truth.

I can’t help but wonder what happened to the author, for them to think this way.

To take a character modeled after such a bright, proactive, loving goddess—and turn her into someone who suffers in silence, shrinks back, and can’t speak confidently about love. I really believe that if Ai hadn’t been abused, her personality would have been very similar to Ame-no-Uzume’s. And I think that side of her—her real self—did come out when she was with Kamiki. Because her actions show it. She’s quite bold when it comes to him. She steps forward, takes initiative, protects him. She buys him meals, stands up for him, takes his hand, leads the way, speaks freely. The two of them would’ve had such a sweet relationship. And it fits the original myth too—the two of them are a loving married couple in the source material.

Even with Kamiki, I really do feel like his true personality is kind and gentle. So I was left wondering, How could someone like this be suspected of hurting Ai? The more I saw of him, the more I felt: He really, truly loved her. And the kind of person he is—I just couldn’t see him doing something cruel to someone he loved that much. It scared me. I was terrified that maybe he had hurt her after all. But I kept interpreting and drawing fanart from the angle that—he didn’t. That he couldn’t have. Because what he showed, once he was more fully brought to light, made me believe in him.

The god this character is based on... is truly powerful and a benevolent deity. And he has a loving relationship with his wife.

He’s a guardian deity who wards off misfortune, and if you look at his role in mythology, you’d say he’s gentlemanly and composed. Together with his wife, they bless people’s love. His role is to ensure people live safely, to guide them by amplifying the good in them. He’s a warm, gentle god.

He seems to have a very good relationship with his wife, and there’s really nothing twisted between them. Depending on how you interpret it, you could say he fell in love with her and gave up many things, maybe even died for her... but even that’s just speculation.

Even in Osamu Tezuka’s Phoenix, there are characters inspired by these deities. There’s one modeled after Ame-no-Uzume who falls in love with her husband at first sight and does everything she can to save his life. And it really felt like the husband deeply cherished her, too. He ends up dying, yes, but there wasn’t anything particularly dark between them—they were just a beautiful couple.

So taking that god, turning him into someone accused of killing his wife, driving him insane—I mean, I actually like stories like this when they’re done well. The idea is intriguing. But the problem is, they leave it all vague until the very end, and that just feels twisted to me. I think that’s what makes it “interesting” for them. If this were just a simple reimagining of mythology, I wouldn’t be this upset.

But someone died. His lover was murdered, and he went mad. Shouldn’t we at least be told what really happened? But no, instead, the story puts the protagonist front and center and condemns him to the end. Are we even sure the protagonist knows the full truth? Because honestly—sorry, I keep saying this over and over—but I care a lot about psychology. And I’m convinced that most of what the protagonist says about him is just wrong. On the other hand, more than 90% of what Kamiki says is probably true. Watching those final chapters just made me feel so lost. Like, what’s the basis for what the protagonist is saying? Where is it coming from?

But then again, I’m sure a lot of people think Aqua did the right thing, right? I’m not even sure I can bring myself to watch that part when it’s adapted. They’ll animate that scene again, won’t they? I think this author is being completely irresponsible. Surely they know what kind of story they’re telling, but at the same time, I can’t shake the feeling that they’re just sitting there thinking, “Well, people only believe what they can see. No one really cares about the truth.” All while treating their subject matter without the weight or respect it deserves.

And the more the protagonist blames Kamiki, the more the focus on people like Ryosuke or Nino—the ones who actually did things—gets lost. The more the responsibility gets spread out. But I’m telling you: I don’t think that’s the real truth at all! The protagonist keeps insisting that they acted under Kamiki’s orders... but one of the things that frustrated me so much while reading was that.

Because honestly, there are already people who believe Ryosuke and Nino weren’t really at fault—that they only ended up doing what they did because of Kamiki. And I’m sure that number is only going to grow. I find it so suffocating that I don’t even check the reactions to this manga anymore. But it’s not the readers’ fault—it’s the way the story is told that leads people to think that way. When I saw people say “Aqua is a hero”, I gave up all hope. At that point, this story isn’t about insight into the entertainment industry or the crimes within it. It’s just echoing the author’s cynical belief that “People don’t care about the truth”, and that message lacks real substance.

Kamiki lost Ai and went mad. Everything he does revolves around collecting Ai’s light and trying to get closer to her. She died, and he couldn’t take it. He just wanted to feel her again. If Ai had lived, he wouldn’t have spiraled so far out like that.

Honestly, just like in that flashback in chapter 160, he’d be the type to show up holding a bouquet with a smile, saying “Ai called me up about the kids! She told me to come see them. I’m so happy.” But then... maybe Ryosuke manipulated him or got to Ai’s address first and killed her. And just like with how he reacted to Yura or Airi’s death—he probably spiraled into “It’s my fault. It’s my fault...” and eventually started thinking, “I’ll bring Ai back no matter what.” That’s when he snapped. Even his songs say that!! Mephisto and Fatal's his song guys, I've been calling this out since the moment Fatal dropped!! This is seriously the story they’re telling!! But... I don’t think many people see it that way.

Why don’t they? Because the author believes people don’t care about the truth!! And that belief overshadows whatever insight this story could have had about the entertainment industry.

Let me get to the point.

This work... Even if it has unique or brilliant moments, I don’t think it should’ve gotten this much attention. I think it’s harmful, actually. Because the author shows very little self-reflection in how they deal with the themes. They’re not handling it with responsibility.

And I do believe the author knows exactly what they’re doing. But what they’re doing is... off.

They’re holding a blade and swinging it in a really strange direction. I feel like if they just adjusted their aim a little, this could be a really good story. But I can’t understand why they’re doing it this way. I’ve tried. It’s hard to wrap my head around.

If this were a purely original story from the author’s imagination, I might not care as much. But it’s not. It’s wearing the mask of a story about a social area. And if that’s the case—then no, I’m not okay with it becoming more accessible and widespread.

When the anime comes out, the visuals will be sparkly and cool, sure. But is this really the kind of story that should be wrapped up in that kind of packaging and broadcast to the world? I’m not so sure. I really hope that doesn’t happen.

Honestly, I think the anime staff do know the full story. I’ve said this more than once—but they wouldn’t be making a season 3 if they didn’t know.

To be honest, I think the anime songs are doing a much better job of conveying the truth of this story than the manga itself. Those songs could only have been written by someone who knows the real truth behind the scenes.

But even then, shouldn’t these themes be handled with real care? Are they doing that? Is it really okay to support this series, to amplify it, to help it spread even further?

This story wounds people. A lot. And it doesn’t really say anything clear in return. It never addresses the seriousness of what it’s dealing with.

But at the same time... I also think this story can’t just be rewritten. That’s the thing. You can’t change the plot of what it is either, if they do, it actually doesn't work with the buildup and the implications it has.

To add, going with “Kamiki was really the villain all along”—that’s the one thing they absolutely shouldn’t do. And yet, I feel like a lot of people want exactly that...

I can’t bear to watch that play out again...

It’s horrible. Disturbingly so. I don’t even know if we can call it “creative freedom” anymore—it just feels disrespectful to the audience. It was frustrating and exhausting to read.

That’s how I feel.

I really wish another story had gotten this level of anime treatment instead.

#oshi no ko #oshi no theories #hikaai #long post #oshi no ko spoilers #hikaru kamiki #ai hoshino #they're going to make one anyway but I had to let this out #this work is disrespectful and irresponsible and I hope the artists are aware what they created are that way #<I thought a lot before having brought myself to come forth to that conclusion and it's really depressing and saddening #I don't want to say this but I feel I have to #they need to take responsibility for what they created and have chosen to display to their audience- honestly I get angry #still angry still after months...#spoilers

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